#anyway this is a lovingly made post i am having a lot of fun

[spearxwind]

Actually that last post reminded me of my bf waking me up in his sleep like just nudging me awake in the middle of the fucking night while he was still fully unconscious

[snakes-writing-corner]

Mr. Puzzles Fluff Alphabet

Requested by… Me!

Coming out of hibernation ‘cause there is not enough Mr. Puzzles x Reader content out there so I am contributing to the pile because the hyperfixation I have on this man has me in a fucking death-grip.

It is 2 in the morning when I’m posting this so yippie brain-rot!!!

Anyways alphabet under the cut :D

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Very. I mean you are kind of the only person who’s ever bothered to get close to him!

He was extremely clingy when the two of you were just friends, but now that you’re his partner? That’s increased tenfold.

He’s very unpredictable so he’s pretty much a wildcard when it comes to ways he’ll show affection.

Sometimes he’ll gently pull you along by grabbing your wrist, sometimes he’ll nuzzle into your hair or neck, maybe he’ll cup your face like you’re a glass sculpture that might shatter, and sometimes he’ll just pick you up and twirl you around. Honestly? This lovable director will show you any kind of physical affection under the sun.

I do think he particularly would like to hold your hand though. He likes the warmth of your hand in his, and how it’s so small compared to his. It’s like your hand was just made for him to hold!

Overall, any physical affection is fine by him as long as he gets to touch or hold you!

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend?)

I fear having this man as a best friend because that means chaos.

Yes being in a romantic relationship with him would be chaos, but a friendship I feel would be more chaotic somehow???

Will break your door down to get an opinion on a new show he’s been working on, and will absolutely pester you until you comply.

Would probably get you to star in said show and then poke fun at you the entire time. Lovingly of course mind you!

Lots of talk sessions where the two of you just talk shit about other people because this man lives for drama, like wants the tea on everyone.

Would break into your house at 2 in the morning to steal food like a fucking rat (I say this in a loving way).

Anyways being besties with him means say goodbye to your doors because he’s kicking them all down to get your attention.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddling is definitely a must!!! Like he would love to cuddle!!!

This man has no preference to cuddling he just wants to hold you close to him! Definitely big spoon no questions asked, but he also loves having you lay on his chest.

I think his favorite way to cuddle though would be on his side with you snuggled into his chest. You would probably look very small compared to him like his body would basically envelop yours, but hey he’d be very warm at least! Mr. Puzzles would probably just lazily comb through your hair with the goofiest smile on his face, whispering little words of affirmation under his breath as he did so.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they around the house?)

Oh definitely! But, after he becomes all rich and famous! He wants the best life for you after all!

Definitely a housewife though when he’s not busy working on his shows, like this man is a workaholic. I genuinely think he enjoys cleaning and repetitive tasks in general, helps him think.

When working on his shows or stressed? Yeah no the living space can easily become a train-wreck as he gets increasingly more frustrated over whatever he’s working on.

You could probably leave the studio on any given day, and either come back to it spotless or a wreck. There’s like a 50/50 shot whenever you leave.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Nuh-uh, not happening, you are literally stuck with him now, and he is NEVER LETTING YOU GO. :)

Yeah that’s definitely not concerning! Good luck my guy because Mr. Puzzles has some attachment issues, and will not leave you no matter what you do!

But hey! You probably won’t get to leave him either! At least he won’t let you without a fight! (Get this man some therapy or something)

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Very big on commitment honestly part of him wants all of your attention to himself, but he loves you enough to not go that far.

I think he’d be kinda iffy on marriage. On one hand he could throw this big event for the two of you, letting everyone know you’re his.

On the other, he’s fine not getting married at all! As far as he’s concerned as long as you’re completely committed to him romantically there’s not really a reason to get married?

Honestly whether he gets married to you or not would depend on your preference.

Would probably still get you an engagement ring of some kind no matter what your answer is, just so others’ know you’re committed to someone.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Oh my god this man? Gentle as a feather physically. Emotionally? He tries to be as gentle as he can, but that temper gets the better of him sometimes.

He holds you like you are glass about to shatter, like he’s holding the most precious thing in the world.

Cups your face in his gloved hand and just admires you like the most beautiful art piece ever created. Might even lightly bump his screen against your head wondering how he got so lucky.

Most of the time he’s a bit aloof regarding your emotions he likes to tease you after all!

But in serious moments his tone will get noticeably softer as he listens, and tries to help you with whatever you are dealing with in anyway he can.

Now granted, Puzzles gets frustrated easily, and might lash out at you occasionally or straight up manipulate you, but he tries to make up for it.

Just be patient with him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? What are their hugs like?)

Yes.

Hugs are a constant thing with this man he loves to hug and hold you. Though he will probably pick you up to hold you.

Most of the time he’ll come up from behind, pick you up, spin you around a bit, saying something like “There’s my little angel!”, and then hug you!

Definitely puts his screen to your head and makes a loud “mwah!” sound.

He’s a dork when it comes to hugging he wants to make you smile, that and he just likes having you close to him.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

After you get together?

All. The. Time.

Not in a bad way of course he wants you to know he absolutely adores you! Words of affirmation are part of his love language after all!

Says stuff like “I love you my precious starlight.” or “Gosh you’re just so cute! I truly do love you when you give me that look my dear!”

He is serious every time he says it though, but will not hesitate to fluster you with that phrase.

Can imagine him saying “I love you.” in a low husky voice to make you weak in the knees.

He likes to see you get all red in the face and become a stuttering mess. He’s a tease like that. :)

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Puzzles has attachment issues this man gets extremely jealous very quickly.

If he thinks anyone is getting even a little touchy with you? He’s walking over, putting his arms around you, and talking to the offender with fake enthusiasm and venom in his voice.

The person doesn’t get the hint? Lightly veiled threats start coming out.

Would resort to violence as a last resort.

If it’s a more light version of jealousy he’ll probably dramatically pout in the corner with his arms crossed until you come over and give him attention.

He’s very dramatic with jealously like a dog not getting attention when it wants it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Uhhhh I mean he has a TV for a head he can’t exactly kiss you per se.

But Puzzles tries to make it work! Most commonly he’ll gently tap his screen to your head or hands with a little electric shock to give the illusion of an actual kiss.

Is not much for you kissing his screen though since he’ll have to clean it afterwards…

But you want to get this man to melt into you? He loves being kissed on the neck, or on the bottom of his TV, might as well send sparks through his entire body. Would definitely love neck bites as well.

Honestly would not care where you kiss him he’s just happy getting your affection.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

I think he’d be pretty good around children at least outwardly.

Probably would be trying to entertain them with cartoons or little puppet shows.

Do not think he’d actively put himself in a situation to be around children though. I don’t think he likes them very much.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Puzzles would get up without waking you, get dressed, get some coffee, and then would make the two of you breakfast.

You typically tend to wake up before he’s finished, but if you aren’t then he’ll gladly give you breakfast in bed!

Would make fun of you for being a sleepyhead though.

Mornings with Puzzles would start off quiet, but get progressively louder as you both wake up a bit.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

I feel like nights go one of two ways.

Either A. Chaotic as hell or B. Actually nice

A chaotic as hell night includes Mr. Puzzles having some sort of mental break which results in him overworking himself and refusing to go to sleep and/or him frantically at a board with a bunch of papers on it trying to come up with ideas.

While this rarely happens it can if his shows aren’t doing as well as he would like or if you’re gone for long periods of time. The best thing to do here is gently talk to him and get him away from his area of work to help him calm down. A nice cup of hot tea or hot cocoa would help as well!

A nice night is more common though since Puzzles does think sleep is important. Probably ends with the two of you winding down by either cuddling in bed or watching TV (an actual TV though not his head he likes being able to hold you) while you two have blankets and/or hot tea to sip on.

Alternatively you two will cuddle in bed and just talk about whatever comes to mind until you two fall asleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’s pretty open about his past but not so much about what he doesn’t want you to see.

He shares stories from when he was a kid a lot, mainly about his mom, (I get a huge mama’s boy vibe from him) or his struggles making friends and connections until you showed up.

Also talks about his frustrations about getting into directing shows and how no corporate big shot would give him a chance so that’s how he made his own company! Also loves talking about ideas for new shows or really anything that comes to mind this man has no filter and just says what pops in his head.

He does not talk about things he doesn’t want you to know. Mainly that he smokes but he’s also definitely done some fucked up stuff in the past to get where he is today so he keeps that under wraps.

Wouldn’t want his darling angel to worry about those little hiccups~

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

We are literally talking about the person who sang about how ‘patience is a virtue uttered by fools’ this man has close to none.

He gets very frustrated and angry when things don’t go how he planned them to. He also can get frustrated if you don’t tell him things.

While he never tries to direct his anger at you he tends to lash out when frustrated and says things he doesn’t mean. However, he would probably apologize in the end if he really hurt you with his words.

Would never think of getting physically violent with you though he would much rather cut off his own head again than do that.

It would be very odd hot to see the man who holds you so gently be able to so easily make a sizable dent in a metal object.

Definitely has punched many holes in the walls and covered it up with something.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

My guy.

My buddy.

This man will remember every little thing you have told him about anything you like. He has a little notebook dedicated to writing little details about you so he doesn’t forget.

Knows just about everything you’ve either off-handedly mentioned about yourself or straight up told him.

Has various things written down like your favorite color, food, drink, cartoon, etc. Like literally anything you can think of that you could say about yourself he probably has written down.

Also has a page just describing how much he loves your looks down to the littlest detail but that’s not as important.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When you two officially became partners.

He was so anxious to ask on the inside but kept the outwardly performance up as he was desperately trying to figure out how to go about it.

He broke one night and frantically made a board full of ideas for what he could do, but none of them were good enough! You deserved so much more than-than this!

You just so happened to walk into this scenario but Mr. Puzzles didn’t notice you as he was too focused on his board. You heard him muttering to himself about how “this had to be perfect” and “no, no that wouldn’t-”.

You eventually got concerned and walked up to him, accidentally scaring the living daylights out of him by the way, and as he tried to stutter something out you realized just what the board was about.

You then looked at him as he was still trying to come up with an excuse and just looked at him with wide eyes as you just blurted “And here I was scrambling to figure out a way to ask you out myself.”.

Puzzles just stared at you wide eyes and shouted “Wait really!?”

Anyways that night ended with you two just watching a movie on the couch and you’ve been together ever since.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you?)

Oh very protective.

Like you get scary tall guard dog partner privileges.

Most of the time if you’re with Puzzles no one would really dare to try anything because of how tall your TV man is, but on the off chance some asshole wants to try his luck?

Well Puzzles most definitely has a kill count.

In actuality he’d probably make threats towards the person, never getting outwardly aggressive as he doesn’t like to be the one fighting, but if the aggressor tries to touch you?

All bets are fucking off.

Despite what his personality may suggest to you if it comes down to it this man can pack a punch if need be. He is deceptively strong for how he looks and could easily beat a man to death if he wanted to.

While the fight would not end with the aggressor’s death as Puzzles does not want to kill someone in front of you, there is a good chance that person might end up mysteriously dead with no evidence tracing the murder back to him later down the line.

This man is slightly unhinged when it comes to keeping you safe.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

This is Mr. Puzzles we’re talking about he’s going all out!

Would definitely have a fancy dinner or something equally extravagant. I can see him liking to slow dance with you in a ballroom if given the chance.

If you prefer more casual dates then hey he’s up for that too! He’s paying though no ifs, ands, or buts about it! He loves movie dates and stargazing as date ideas.

Anniversaries are an all out occasion he’s standing his ground on that one because it’s special date and he wants the entire day to be special to the both of you.

Tries to get you gifts he knows you’ll like instead of fancy things though.

Okay maybe one or two pretty rings and such but mainly things you’d actually enjoy or give that big smile at receiving. I think gift giving is one of his love languages after all so expect to have lots of little trinkets.

He tries his best to make you smile everyday so he tries a lot for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has some… unfavorable aspects of himself he doesn’t want you knowing the true extent of.

He does not want you to know he smokes as he thinks it’s an undesirable habit and always deflects any questions about why he might smell like smoke or any cigarettes you might find.

His temper also gets the best of him at times leading to him lashing out and making dumb decisions that he tends to regret if he thinks about it too much. Though he has wrangled it in around you it can be explosive and violent when you aren’t around to witness the full extent of it.

He is also very obsessive with you and he knows it. It’s definitely toxic obsession as well because at his worst moments mentally he has debated keeping you to himself and not letting you leave. He’s also considered sabotaging all of your relationships so you only rely on him and no one else.

A dark part of him wants to keep you all to himself so no one can take you away from him ever.

Thankfully, he respects and loves you too much to act on those thoughts but god rest the poor soul that does anything bad to you because odds are…

Their life is on a very short timer.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Oh my god yes.

Yes he so is.

He wants to look his best around you 24/7 all day every day and somehow does not even have to try for it.

He needs to always look presentable because a good director should always look ready all the time!

Is dramatic as fuck if his shirt gets wrinkled or something like damsel with their hand on their head going “my poor husband” dramatic.

He’s very silly like that and you love him for it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes.

You are the only person who ever really tried to get to know him, who puts up with his silly shenanigans, and who he fell in love with.

Truthfully without you? He’d completely lose it mentally because you are his rock. The one person he knows can pull him back from the darkest corners of his mind.

Not that you’d ever know this but Mr. Puzzles does. He knows that now that he has you he would not be able to live without you and continue to pretend to be even remotely sane.

X = Xtra (Random HC)

Plays his dreams or soft static on his screen when he’s in a deep sleep.

Claps his hands when excited and fidgets with his suspenders a lot.

Also makes tons of motions with his hands while he talks.

Y = You (How would they talk about you?)

This goes one of two ways.

Either he’s all giddy and cheerful like a schoolgirl with a massive crush or sounds very concerning as he talks about you like a follower would a god.

Pick your poison because both are accurate it just depends on how he’s feeling that day.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Will. Not. Let. Go.

Like if you wake up before him you are not getting up because he has the grip of a koala and probably has his arms and legs wrapped all around you.

But sometimes if you wake up before him he ends up in the funniest positions like sprawled out in ways that should break his bones. It can be very funny and disturbing at the same time.

[theriverbeyond]

DEATH FIRST TO VULTURES AND SCAVENGERS

🦴 Harrow, photo editing, bones et al by me! 📸 photo and harrow robe by @trickstercheshi

took these pics like 2? months and then totally forgot to post them here! anyway Harrow currently features 122 hand sculpted bones (86 of which are in the rosary!), not counting the spares I made or the 336 resin teeth I bought & drilled for her bracelets and waist chain.

my central requirement for this cosplay is basically that every bone (except the face/ear jewlery) HAS to be made as close as possible in size and shape to an anatomically accurate human bone, because I am nothing of not committed to the inherent wonder of human anatomy. this means: no bone tits, no sizing bones up or down as convenient for aesthetics, no animal bones. I think it turned out great and I'm soooooo excited to make EVEN MORE bones for when I wear her next >:3

rigcage progress is documented on tumblr here, and under the cut are some extra ramblings & detail photos of her rosary & stole!

the rosary is based off of normal catholic rosaries, altered it to fit Ninth House aesthetics. a normal rosary has 5 sections ("Mysteries") made of 10 beads each.

MY rosary has nine (9!!) sections for the Ninthefold ressurection, with each section being made of 8 bones. specifically, each section is made of carpal bones, and there is one carpal bone per section to represent each populated House. anatomy fun fact! humans have 8 different carpal bones in the body (one set in each wrist) all of which I lovingly sculpted to attempted anatomical accuracy.

phalanges are the "separating" ("Our Father"?) beads, and the hanging centerpiece is a metacarpal articulating with 3 phalanges -- "the knuckle of your great-grandmother that represented the Rock, and the Universe, and God." (HtN p. 118).

I went back and forth on what I wanted the centerpiece to be, because "knuckle" has an original anatomical meaning (the talus bone -- of like, sheep, so not an option here per my central requirement) but it also has several colloquial meanings. I've heard "knuckle" being used to describe both the interphalangeal joints of the fingers and the metacarpalphalangeal joint as well. I actually did end up sculpting a life sized human talus bone to test how it would look as the centerpiece, but rejected it due to it simply looking very goofy due to scale and size (it was too big 😔). I also learned how to do a proper hail mary knot for this!

anyway: behold some more pics

for Harrow's stole, I was inspired by @/thatbonejunky's art here as well as @/bondibee's art here! I really wanted to lean into the religious leader aspect of her character. Harrow as not the Reverend *Daughter*, but the *Reverend* Daughter -- especially as this is, due to my own proclivities, definitely a Butch Harrow™ cosplay. The fabric is this cool celtic pattern from JoAnns and the skull is applique + hand beading! I went back and forth on if I should give her tassles on the bottom or not but honestly it came down to tassels just seeming more dramatic, and Harrow deserves this

phew ok that was a lot of rambling. all bones are made of creative paperclay, an air dry clay, and painted with basic acrylics. did you know you can find hundreds of free 3D models of bones free online on sketchfab or by searching "[bone name] 3D model". what was i saying. anyway. i love bone :)

[alotofpockets]

Holiday break | Mary Earps x Reader

Where you enjoy a Barbados holiday with your wife

Woso masterlist | Words: 1k

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“Welcome back to another edition of Mazza’s hotel tours!” Mary says as she opens the hotel room door and urges her fans inside, and by her fans she means you holding the phone to upload the video to her TikTok later. 

“A lot of you wonder who films these hotel tour videos and today I would like you to meet the lovely videographer.” She takes the phone from your hands and turns the camera around. “It’s my lovely wife!” You wave at the camera. “Alright love, give that back now please. The people aren’t here to see me, they are here for the legendary Mazza.” The camera captures the way you lovingly look at your wife before she hands you back the phone. 

“And now onto the tour! Welcome to our beautiful room in Barbados.” You follow Mary around as she shows off your hotel room, in each room she mentions something about the decor, and makes it show like she always does. Your wife was known for her TikTok’s and even on holidays the woman did not disappoint. 

On the balcony overlooking the beach Mary finished the video, “Thank you for coming along, and I am sure I will see you again soon!” 

Mary made quick work on editing the video, while she was laying in your arms. A couple minutes of editing and the video was posted. “Alright, do you want to go to the pool or the beach first?” She asked, turning in your arms so she could peck your lips a couple of times after her question. “Wanna go check out the beach first?” 

After a short walk you arrive on the white sand and see the turquoise water up close for the first time. “It’s so beautiful.” Mary smiles at you, “Yeah it is, just like you.” It didn’t matter how many years you had been married to the goalkeeper, she would never stop flirting with you. “Alright flirt, let’s find a spot and enjoy this holiday.”

It didn’t take long before Mary ran into the ocean and dived in instantly. “Baby, come on! It’s so nice.” Who were you to say no to her? You approached the water at a slower pace, but once your feet touched the water, you got to the same level of excitement of your wife. “I can’t believe this place is real.” 

Mary took hold of your hand and pulled you closer to her, “Well believe it baby, and it's our home for the next week.” You grabbed her face with both your hands and kissed her. “This holiday is going to be perfect.”

In her hotel tour video she had said they would see more of her soon, and when Mary saw you peacefully sunbathing on your towel, she had the perfect idea of what to do next. She grabbed her phone and an empty bottle before walking to the water's edge.

“I’ve got probably the worst idea of my life, so I am documenting this in case it will be my final TikTok ever. So, my wife is over there napping in the sun.” She zoomed in on you laying on the beach. “And I have this bottle that I just filled with water from the ocean. I think you all know where my head is at right now. Anyways, if you don’t hear from me again, this is proof that I deserve what’s coming to me.” Mary laughs at the camera before she turns the camera around and approaches you slowly.

The moment the cold water hit your back you shot up, “Oh my god that’s so cold!” You jump up to shake off the cold water and see Mary laughing with the camera on your face. “You’re dead, Earps.” You say before you start chasing after her. The video ends when you tackle your wife to the ground and the two of you roll onto the sand. Mary ended up posting it like that, with your permission of course. You made her think you were even, but you had already thought of your revenge plan, you just had to wait until you were at the pool. 

A plan that came into action the next morning. “Oh baby, I saw this fun trend where people put their phone down and then step over it in one location, and then again in a new location so it looks like they travelled through the phone. Here, let me show you some examples.” You grab your phone and open your saved TikTok’s to show your wife the trend.

Mary loved the trend and asked what you had in mind for the location. “So, I was thinking we start it here, like fully dressed and then we end it at the pool in our swimsuits.” Mary was on board and you set up the shot at the hotel. 

She stepped over the phone first, and you followed. Then you changed into your swimsuits and headed down to the pool. It was still quiet, so you had the pool to yourselves. You set up the phone so the background showed the pool and the beautiful surroundings. Mary jumped over first again and then turned around, waving for you to come too. You jump over and run to hug her, but instead of hugging her, you push her into the pool. “And that is how it’s done.” You say to the camera as you pick it up to walk over to the pool’s edge. 

“What do you have to say to the fans, baby?” You smirk wide at your girlfriend leaning up on the pool’s edge. “If you mess with your wife, she messed with you back?” You nod, “Yeah, remember that people!”

You set the phone away and join Mary in the pool. “How about no more pranks for the rest of the week?” Mary swims towards you, “Hmm, what’s the fun in that?” You roll your eyes, Mary knew you loved pranks just as much as she did.

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💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗

[crossovershipsandedits]

Please consider looking to see if characters have a canon orientation (like lesbian or gay man) before posting ships of them.

Hello! I hope you're having a wonderful day~

To address this ask, I first pose a question myself; Why?

The point of shipping, or really any fan creation, is to show your love and support for media/a character by expressing yourself, your thoughts and your theories/headcanon's through your work. The reason a lot of characters are loveable and popular is because they are fully capable of allowing fans to see themselves in them and see their versions without destroying the canon.

For example; If we look at Zoro from One Piece. As far as we're aware, bro has little to no romantic inclination. And yet his top ship is with another man on the crew, who happens to be woman loving Sanji. But it isn't something that feels wrong or out of place, because the ambiguity is there and their relationship is prebuilt, fans just need to figure out how it moves to romantic. The ability to see past the initial "Oh, Sanji loves women" and see the potential branches for this path. Yes, it's probably canon he legit loves women like that, but it could also be a trauma reaction based on his back story. Or it could ALSO be possible that he's bi/pan/etc

In short; Just because someone is shown a certain way, doesn't mean that's the only option. As fans we have the freedom to conjure up theories and beliefs based on the information presented to us.

Another good example would be Naruto. He's married to a woman, and yet it's still VERY much suggested that he loves Sasuke the same way. There is no "definite" answer. Assuming there is purely because of the canon relationships is a little closed minded in my opinion.

AND, even if it is stated, people change. We weren't born thinking "Oh heck yeah, dong". We develop our tastes as we grow and learn and experience new things. A great example would be Deadpool for this. He starts off in love with a woman (I'm speaking film wise by the way) and continues to love her, but very much over the course of their relationship begins to experiment and opens up that door for himself. Some people need to find the right person that makes them question themselves before they can confirm anything. Or, on the flip side, they need to see a lot of potential and not react lovingly/sexually to them in order to put the pieces together for aro/ace.

Life is a mystery bag of tags and labels that we as humans made to understand things better, and that's ok. Be who you are and love what/who you love. Be YOU

Anyway, I think I went a bit off tangent haha XD All I'm trying to say is, doors aren't entirely shut because of one thing or another. Fans can and will continue to express themselves and their thoughts through their loved characters, and that's ok. It's healthy even! I know people who use characters to test the waters for themselves because it can't hurt the people around them. It's harmless. A bit of fun, if you will.

I will always say this to these kinds of comments, ones where you should ask yourself "why am I bothering to send this?".

It is easier to keep scrolling past something you don't like, then drawing attention to it, and yourself, by commenting something that could hurt or upset an innocent person, and honestly makes you look like a silly grumpy guts :)

Keep sailing guys, gals and non-binary pals!!

[atamascolily]

As someone who makes fanvids and AMVs, I spend a lot of time looking at media in unconventional ways--cycling the same clips over and over again, jumping around in a non-linear fashion rather than watching straight through in chronological order, etc, etc. Usually, this is in service of getting shots to line up with the music or finding that one snippet that perfectly illustrates a lyric, but it also means I spend a lot of time engaged with the source material at a level of repetition and detail that most viewers do not indulge in.

I thought nothing would be able to top that level of granularity, but then I started making text post memes by juxtaposing media screenshots with clever and witty posts made by strangers on the Internet. Instead of watching the same clips over and over again, I was now watching specific individual scenes shot by shot, searching for the perfect frame to pause and screenshot. Suddenly, I was engaged with the source material on a whole new level, staring at stills I have never really looked at before, despite having watched them in motion a billion times already.

This was especially true of Madoka Magica and even more true for Rebellion, where the animators had lovingly incorporated whole new levels of detail I had never encountered before--some of them so complex and intricate, they could only be fully appreciated as stills, either because they were only on screen for an instant or because there was so much action/other stuff going on in the foreground that drew my eye when I was watching casually or for plot. (As much as I love subtitles, they did not help with this, since their presence meant my eyes were also naturally drawn to the bottom of the screen as well instead of focusing on the background.)

I started documenting my PMMM observations here on Tumblr, partially because it was low-stress and informal fun, and partially because this site has such excellent and convenient image hosting (for now, anyway) that it's really easy to discuss and compare multiple images at a time, which I think is more effective than reams of text at proving my points.

When I look at a screenshot, I have two major questions in mind:

1) What am I looking at? 2) What does it mean?

The first question is one of observation and identification. This part is usually straightforward, but can be more complicated if the animators are drawing on an element of Japanese culture that I'm not already familiar with. The answers to this question vary considerably depending on context, but they're usually not a source of tremendous controversy among the fandom; they are fairly objective, with a definitive right or wrong answer.

The second question, however, is more complicated and subjective. This is where analysis and interpretation come in--of the shot itself, the scene in which it occurs, and how it fits into the installment/series/franchise as a whole. It's entirely possible for different people to have wildly different takes on this, and multiple readings can and do exist simultaneously.

In my meta writings, I usually attempt to answer both questions: first, by pointing out details that I think are interesting, and then by offering my interpretation of them. Rebellion in particular is so visually dense that it's possible to randomly pause at any scene and find something new; no matter how much I watch it, there is always more to analyze.

To be clear, I don't think that watching Rebellion frame by frame is inherently better than watching the whole thing straight through, just that different perspectives and insights are possible. In this sense, both Madoka Magica TV series and Rebellion are inherently fractal in nature, with meaning multiple levels and layers regardless of scale. Unlike real-life fractals like the Mandelbrot set, however, there is a clearly defined limit to this--I doubt once you zoom into the pixel level there is anything to find, but hey, you never know with SHAFT.

I generally prefer to work with material that has already been released rather than stuff that hasn't, but I try to ground my predictions in my observations as much as possible--by which I mean, consistent with the show's themes and motifs on both a macro and micro level. That in itself doesn't guarantee that they're right, but I like to think they are plausible, which is all you can really hope for with that sort of thing. And of course, all my analyses and predictions tell you as much about me--how I see the world and what I value--as they do the work itself.

I used to joke that I was working on an honorary master's in media studies and Rebellion in particular, but after looking back at my output over the last six months, I'm not so sure that's a joke anymore...

[idyllic-affections]

a letter from aphelion. ♡

a letter to all the people who have made my year in one way or another. there is no particular order to this post, and some of you may find that i don't have much to say, but all of you who are on this post are here because i can recall times i've enjoyed speaking to you or seeing you in my notifs or just existing within the same space as you. i hope you all have only the best year possible next year—it seems like most of us need and deserve a good year, hm? though i regard myself as quite a gentle and sentimental soul, i struggle with putting it into words. it's ironic, considering i am a writer. i mention this because even if the things i say in this post are quite silly and lighthearted, just know that i earnestly mean what i say and each and every one of you has contributed to my year in a memorable way <3 may we all have a good 2024.

       dear @lillonvia,

YOU!!!! YOU!!!!! HELLO. HI. MEETING YOU HAS BEEN SUCH AN HONOR AND SUCH A DELIGHTFUL PART OF MY YEAR!!! i love the little silly conversations we often have—i think it's probably a good thing that we share so many random fandoms. it's as if we lived somewhat similar lives growing up despite growing up in such vastly different environments <3 but anyway, i think the fandoms we share are really helpful in being able to have such fun conversations!! we have many things to talk about!!! despite the vast difference in timezones!!!! please go to sleep at normal hours!!!!!!! /lh

       dear @starryshinyskies,

HI AVERY <3 i was literally always so delighted to see you in my inbox back when you were still ⭐️ anon, and i still feel that kind of joy now! you have so many good and fun thoughts to share with me about things i've written and i love that... i hope moral injury ch. 2 will give you that same kind of brainrot again when it does finally come out!!!! if it doesn't that's okay too HAHA but i always love hearing your thoughts on... literally anything ever!! i have some fics of yours that i've been meaning to reblog btw, so maybe watch out for multiple essays in your notifications in the coming weeks LMAO

       dear @aroacenezha,

MAJI I AM SQUISHING YOU LOVINGLY IN MY HANDS or i can just look at you fondly if you don't want to be squished. i am okay with that too <3 i often think about how we met and i think it's both kind of funny and kind of nice. "baizhu would hate dottore" agreed so real so true that post was so correct in so many ways RAAHHH 🤝 the nice part of the way we met being my baizhu series. despite me having NOT updated it any time recently, has brought a lot of people into my inbox and sometimes into my life and i think it's very cool. i love when people feel seen. and furthermore please always send me your oc thoughts and your blorbo thoughts i love them so much 🙏🙏🙏

       dear @soleillunne,

ALYYY MY LOVE MY BELOVED you are so precious and treasured.... i love what you do, i think your writing is beautiful and has such a poetic quality to it. and i love when you appear in my inbox and notifs!!!! though tumblr is very mean to you and always eats your asks.... you are important to me and so many other people and i hope you always know that. genuinely. you are such a kind and wonderful person and you are always loved.

       dear @heiayen,

YOU. *GRABS YOU* *EVILLY* you. you are so. idk but YOU ARE. can't think of a good word. no words, only vibes. you are vibe-y. /lh you're another moot that has the most top tier responses to things, even non-fanfic posts. you just have Things To Say, and in the best way possible. your thoughts are so fun..... i interact with you rather often—more than some people realize, perhaps—and you are a dearly beloved presence in my life 🫶🫶

       dear @zeldadou,

though we haven't talked too much recently, i still think of you often! i love seeing your art and the way it changes and develops... and i love hearimg your thoughts about things or when you send me fun things you think i would like <33 you are a very kind person in my eyes, whether you realize it or not.

       dear @june-again,

i hope life treats you well, always. you don't deserve anything less. i think of you fondly! your kindness is and was very remarkable and treasured especially when i was first adjusting to tumblr and posting my fics and whatnot..... by the time we met, i was still very new, so i appreciated any kind interactions (i still do of course! it's just a bit different when you're new to a website like this haha)!!

       dear @kaixserzz,

I FUCK WITH YOUR THOUGHTS DUDE YOU SEEM TO COME INTO MY INBOX AT THE MOST RANDOM AND UNEXPECTED OF TIMES AND DROP THE MOST HEARTBREAKING ANGST POSSIBLE??????? HELLO?????????? ARE YOU. DOING OKAY??!???!!!! YOU WAKE UP AND CHOOSE VIOLENCE. ESPECIALLY WITH KAVEH. WTF (me too tbh 😇) /lh please always send me any platonic thoughts you have i will entertain all of them fr 💥💥💥 you have such good thoughts in that brain of yours 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

       dear @archonsbane,

i haven't spoken to you much, so forgive me if this seems or comes off as a sudden or jarring tag, but i do enjoy talking to you. fatui moot <3 you GET IT get it about the harbingers' dynamics. i hope we have more opportunities to speak sometime! (and if that sentiment isn't shared, that is totally fine. i would respect it either way 🫶)

       dear @lesanyanyas,

we only became mutuals recently, but i hope you know that i always thought of you as one of the "blorbo from my notes" kinds of people haha!!! i always saw and recognized you whenever you were in my notifications or my inbox and you always have such delightful and fun things to say <33

       dear @umgatochamadopercyval,

CLARA HIII you are such a remarkable person, you know? you've been nothing but kind and understanding, and you have such fun thoughts and ideas!! i love hearing about them sm. even if my responses are delayed, just know that you are always welcome to ramble in my dms about your ocs or your fic ideas and i will never find it to be annoying or anything. it isn't annoying. it never is.

                                                 sincerely,                                                                           aphelion.

there are people who did not make this list, and to those people, i hope we can become closer in 2024! if you aren't on here, it's truly only because i've hardly spoken to you. so... perhaps that is something we can do next year! i think of all my mutuals very fondly. i don't think of any of you as "less than" just because we haven't spoken mwah mwah <3

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Catch Me

First posted: August 28, 2019

Focuses on: Dick Grayson and Clark Kent

Favorite bookmark: “Really refreshing in the unexpected stylistic choices the writer made in each sentence. Really held your attention with figurative language. Also, lots of nightmares and cuddles, so... :)"

Tier: Middle-ish

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

The title from this one comes from "Tightrope" from The Greatest Showman. Fun fact, before I was friends with @audreycritter, she did a fundraiser for a friend that included a fic component. I donated so I got to pick the prompt, and it was also this song, because it gives me BIGGGGG Dick & Bruce emotions, and that prompt became The Hand In My Hand.

Go listen to that song and think of these two. It's amazing.

Anyways. This fic was written for @husborth as a late birthday gift, if I remember correctly. I sussed out preferred characters and took it from there. Sickfics are always fun, but this ended up being a horrible prophecy of a fic, because I wrote it and then BOTH of us got sick, separately, in separate states. But did EITHER of us have a Bruce to lovingly tend to us? No.

This had happened before. He knew what was coming. He couldn’t stop it.

Poor Dick. I am very mean to him in this fic. (Not meaner than the original writers who made him watch his parents plummet to their deaths, but.) Thankfully I am not prone to nightmares, but I do get rerun dreams, and I am usually just as annoyed about it as you might suppose.

Dick’s ears filled with the roar of the crowd, the tumult pressing down on him like corpses, pinning him in place. 

"How many ways can I describe things in terms of death and dying before anyone actually dies?"

They were cheering, not screaming, urging the spangled bodies high above to climb higher, to step out onto the narrow platforms, to jump.

"How. Many. Ways."

He could feel the air, oppressively full and stifling, wrap over him like a soaked towel. He couldn’t move.

Can I just say. Getting trapped in blankets with a fever? Like physically getting an arm or leg wrapped in a twisted sheet or something? The worst. Just cut it off, I don't need it.

Dick collapsed forward, weeping and wheezing in equal measure. Strong arms caught him, lifting him back onto the bed before he could hit the floor.

Having Bruce catch him was so important, given the song. Also, it's just lovely to read, imo.

He didn’t want to dream again, didn’t want to get caught in that sickening loop that had played over and over and over, spurred on by the heat tearing through his head and prickling down his spine.

Poor Dick. When I have fever dreams, they're usually less of a dream and more having every moment of thought invaded by a line from a song. One time it was the theme song to Calamity Jane and it was the actual worst.

The arms moved, muscles hardening to shift Dick so his burning face rested against cool, soft fabric. A fridge-chilled washcloth wiped the tears from his cheek and the sweat from his brow. 

I used so many adjectives in this fic. It feels excessive. Me @ me were they on sale??? put some back!

“I want my mom.” Dick hiccuped and curled his limbs in tight, fists pressed to the bridge of his nose. He trembled in every muscle, in every tendon, in every centimeter of his marrow. He ached with fever and exhaustion and grief. He wanted his dad to cradle him like a baby. He wanted his mom to sing him to sleep. He wanted to remember what their faces looked like. “I want my mom.”

That was the line I was writing for, right there. Dick wishing his mom were alive to take care of him again. (It is usually what I whine when truly ill, even as a very grown adult.)

A throat ground down to gravel by years of wear hummed a lullaby, soft baritone to the tenor of his tears. . . .

“Bruce. Bruce.” “I’m still here, chum.”

Bruce 👏 is 👏 his 👏 children's 👏 bedrock 👏

“Father?” called someone quietly, voice high and young. “Will Richard be alright?”

I remain SO incredibly pleased with the reception to this line right here. When I started writing, I couldn't decide if I wanted to write about baby Dick or grown Dick... so I cheated. My highest hopes were just that readers wouldn't be too confused but instead the comments were shock and delight over what seemed to be taken as a mega-twist. I didn't expect that level of surprise, but I'm happy about it!

Bruce hummed an old tune, something low and swayed that made his chest rumble beneath Dick’s cheek like a monstrous cat’s purr.

And here I cram in two things that are important to me—Bruce singing to his kids and anyone fortunate enough to rest against him comparing him to a massive predator that is also remarkably comfy and soft.

And that was enough.

I could swear I've ended at least one other fic like this. Maybe more than one. Endings are hard.

[cboffshore]

you know how this acct started with me batch posting Seabound couture designs? yeah? that part of me is coming back, probably, and at the WILDEST time.

anyway, below the cut is the moodboard for what may become my entry. I made this because, if I don't do SOMETHING to cool out about the prompt, NEITHER project is getting anywhere soon. @alizibtheterrible - congrats on inspiring some incredible artistic conflict in me (I say that lovingly)

these are all from a collection of inspiration pics I have on my Instagram - lots of Elie Saab happening here, I think, plus a couple of other designers whose names I can't remember. Definitely going to be a jumpsuit of sorts. I also have a really neat Tessa Violet concert fit for armor ref and chiffon inspo, plus a mocktail from a coffee enthusiast that just has The Vibes. probably will inspire some kind of mosaic element.

I'm also planning on pulling from this Kalmaar-inspired gala WIP that I never brought into its fullest form but am still deeply in love with:

the current vision is some sort of ominous gala jumpsuit with a big ass cape, which I would LOVE to pull off some kind of mural design on - stylistically, somewhere between the stained glass in Child of Light and the papercraft history lesson in Seabound. Although maybe it'll just be abstract. Who knows?! Not me!! Anyway, I'm probably going to stick with my usual "basic croquis + banger fit", because as fun as the Skybound Nya DTIYS was, I was so stressed about how the character looked that I feel like the actual fashion design slipped a bit.

[jamiesfootball]

(Posting here because I know more than a few of you pass around MacGyver stuff)

Did I start watching that MacGyver remake just so I could read fic (*cough* @altschmerzes *cough*) about it? Sure did and I AM HAVING SOME SORT OF THOUGHTS-

It’s giving me Burn Notice it’s giving me CSI Miami it’s giving me 1960s The Man from UNCLE. It’s giving me mid-aughts ‘let’s preemptively shoehorn in how Straight these guys are because they are going to be caring about each other A LOT and we need the audience to buy into the big explosions without wondering if we’re implying anything’.

Should any of these things be given to anyone? I frankly don’t care. There is a level of sincerity here that I miss from a lot of shows these days, which can sometimes be so depressingly meta that watching it turns into an uninspired intellectual exercise meant to suck all the fun out of the world in favor of being right. Meanwhile George Eads is saying something lovingly kind in a southern drawl wearing the worst shirt with the sleeves ripped off look that I’ve seen this side of Sunny, and there’s a little dude that looks like Jared Padalecki and Timothée Chalamet had a blond love child and he has childhood neglect and overachiever written all over him I can already tell he is going to be whump-tastic to me.

Sometimes I do just want to watch a physics-breaking scene of a guy hanging out of an air plane. I will complain about it, but it will be done with an air of grandiose enjoyment. To me, over-the-top procedurals are the new pulp media.

Is it a good show? Irrelevant at this juncture. They just shoehorned in some Tragic Backstory and I am eating it up like a trail of breadcrumbs made out of Hot Pockets.

Now I just need to find out if I’m going to be regular annoying about it or special filing cabinet (sideblog) annoying about. But I am already thinking of naming my special filing cabinet so it may already be decided

For added context, I’m on episode two.

Anyways, back to your regular Ted Lasso programming

[taegimood]

(edit: pls send me requests omg give me something legit to write about 💀🙏🏼 help)

ok literally no one asked for this but i’ve been asking my moots these questions, so i figured i might as well answer them myself too lol

which member's type do you think you'd be?

which member is closest to your type (bias or not)?

which member do you think you'd be closest with platonically?

which member do you think you'd be the least close with?

1: i think i’d be closest to yeonjun’s type, at least visually.. my primary fashion is grungy street style so i think we have a lot in common style-wise and would vibe hard tbh :3 (but personality-wise..? idk i haven’t thought that far ahead lmao what do you guys think?? would any of them like me o_o)

2: oh man.. this is hard cuz visually i don’t really have one set type, i’m attracted to several different vibes.. but yeonjun cuz of the fashion and fox features, and soobin because ??? look at him ?? kdrama first love coded, periodt. (but they’re all so stunning that if i saw any of them on the street without knowing who they were i’d definitely want their numbers and also their [redacted])

personality-wise… RAHHHH why are these questions so hard i literally suck at making decisions- i’m the one that made these questions too ffs- ok sometimes yeonjun makes me want to shove my hand into his face and PUSH (lovingly. respectfully.) because he’s so Frat Bro Coded sometimes LMAOO 😭 so i think soobin or beomgyu. gyu is INSANE but i think we’d have so much fun together and he can be soft and serious when the time calls for it. i rlly want someone i can be goofy as hell with and gyu def fits the bill. and soobin……. oh, my sweet soobin……. dream man…. he’s so 💖💕💝💘💗 ……. (not me clowning matcha for being biased for gyu in her response while soobin is living rent free in every single one of my answers 🤡) soobin is the Actual Love Of My Life™ and i think we could fit well together in so many ways but 3 things that DEPRESSINGLY make me wonder if we’d work:

i’m also an introvert so i need someone more extroverted than i am to get me out of my shell 😖 biggest one is he said he doesn’t lead in the relationship and lets the girl make all the decisions (i prefer a guy who leads and wants to make decisions together) and he loves physical touch but only when he’s the one giving it 🤨 IM SUCH A TOUCHY CLINGY BITCH SOOBIN PLS LET ME HOLD YOU-

3: this post is so fckn long for no reason why am i such a verbal processor this one is ALSO hard cuz not to sound like a pick-me but i feel like i could be pretty good friends w any of them?? 😭 maybe gyu ??? i’m an introvert so he definitely might get too overwhelming for me at times but i also become a crackhead when i’m with friends i can be myself with who share my humor, so i think when i’m in the right headspace gyu and i could just go crazy together and be goofy asf lol. we could also game together and i could run him into the ground in victory 🫶🏼

but ok yeonjun and i would be such bros together plus he knows what it’s like to live in america so there’s that and fashion to bond over… i could be total gym buddies with taehyun and we’d bounce that dry humor off of each other… just like soobin and kai, i’m a huge anime and video game nerd (could do show and tell w kai and all our plushies too 🫶🏼) so i could game and binge anime for hours and be totally content especially if i’m bonding over it w someone else o_o SOOOOO i feel like i could be friends with all of them but as for besties? not me wanting to pick soobin again i don’t know 😀

minji do you literally know anything

4: honestly i think taehyun :((( i just think i have the least amount of things in common with him, that’s all !!! no other reason i still love him sm although i’m also a singer actually (fun fact) so i think we could do such pretty covers together 🥺

anyway this is LONG AS ALL HELL for literally no reason other than the fact that i talk too much lmao so here are the answers that no one asked for 😍

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Hi Sarah! THIS IS LONG I’M SO SORRY! I hope I can vent a little here—I feel like explaining this to anyone irl would take a ton of contextualizing (and honestly I feel…very silly for being upset about it?) I recently joined a Swiftie group (which I won't name, not trying to put anyone on blast) that I was super excited about, since I knew I’d have a lot of overlapping interests with the people there (cont.)

I was looking through some of the posts and found one where a lot of people where pretty upset about the recent lavender haze situation (I won’t go into detail since I know you’re avoiding spoilers, but I remember you indicated previously that you generally know what’s going on). To be clear, I am absolutely not opposed to being critical of Taylor. But it felt really weird seeing people voice criticisms I share right next to criticisms I am fundamentally not on board with. (cont.) It felt like some of my more negative opinions regarding Taylor were reinforced, but then taken WAY further than I’d take them. (e.g. do I sometimes have the thought of “babes, you have multiple mansions and a private jet and you do NOT need any more of our money?” Sure. I could say the same for literally any celebrity at her level. But do I think she’s being intentionally manipulative to her queer fans in a way that’s vaguely sinister? As a queer fan myself, no.) (cont.) I also find conspiracy-level speculation into her personal life very uncomfortable (e.g. you’ve immediately lost me the second you suggest that her current relationship is fake). I didn’t even post on this thread, I just read through it and suddenly felt and extreme sense of burnout and it…kind of ruined my day? And then I was like OH MY GOD am I in way too deep with this fandom that something like that COULD ruin my day? (cont. again I'M SO SORRY) (Last one I promise!!) I’m just upset because I have been so excited for Midnights and was having so much fun with the TSS relistening party, and today I haven’t even been able to listen to Red :( And also very disappointed because I had been looking forward to engaging with this group I joined, and I now have it muted. Anyways, being a fan of anything is supposed to be FUN and not draining, and I hope I can get back in that headspace by the time Midnights comes out! Hi Sarah! I just sent in rather a long vent—and wanted to close by thanking you for making the! Best! Corner! Of this fandom! This page has never once left me feeling drained, and that is all thanks to your efforts in setting boundaries and prioritizing critical kindness. If I’m gonna engage with any group during release week, it’s this one 💚

---

Here's the thing. I think we all know the age old lesson of "You can't control how other people feel about things, you can only control how you handle your feelings in reaction to other people" etc etc. But as with many many things in life - it's more nuanced and complicated than that, isn't it?

I think the point here is not that your day felt ruined by something and then you felt embarrassed(?) for feeling like something as silly (#lovingly) as the TS fandom could have that much power over your life so as to ruin your day. BUT WHAT WE SHOULD FOCUS ON is not the day ruining.

What we should focus on is you had the presence and awareness of self to actively make choices that would make your day and your life and your overall mental place better. You muted and stepped back from a mood that was killing your vibe. You got the weight out of your body and your mind by ranting to a friend. You're refocusing your energy to think about things that make you feel light and happy and do bring you joy. THAT IS WHAT YOU FOCUS ON!! Not that for one moment you felt drained or sad. But that you made the active choice and had the wherewithal enough to say, "I feel this way. But I know that I don't deserve to feel this way. I am choosing better things for myself."

And that is beautiful, friend. And you should feel really proud of you. 💚

With that, IT'S OFFICIALLY RELEASE WEEK BABY BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!! GET HYPED.

[jameszmaguire]

4, 23, 40

CJ coming through to feed my sudden appetite to be chatty about gifmaking, I appreciate you so, thank you for indulging me <33

4. A set that flopped but deserved better

It's interesting, because I just went through my gifmaking tag and just. Seeing my own interests of the past five years reflected back at me through time lovingly spent on making gifsets of them. I feel warmth for myself here tonight. And there's a lot of sets that would be nice to have more notes, but a lot of them I make knowing there's not much of a target audience on here anyway, and thus am not expecting them to crack 500 or even 100. However. I maintain that my gifset of Mako and Raleigh from Pacific Rim just looking at each other while trying to kick each others ass deserves better. Fun fact: this was actually made literal years before it was posted, waaaaaay back when I had just learned to gif, and the fact I still deemed it postable is a minor miracle tbh.

23. What is the thing you gif when you don’t have anything else you want to gif?

Usually Umbrella Academy and just specifically any Five acting moments I enjoy, mostly because I have the caps for the show ready and stored away. Getting the frames and chossing moments and getting them to fit into a specific frame count is always my least favourite part of gifmaking, so the fact that TUA has a lot less of that hurdle makes it very compelling to be as a destressing gifmaking go-to. Also Derry Girls, but the Discourse that happened around S3 as well as just a more hit or miss quality of episodes than I was used to, plus just the steadily declining engagement us gifmakers get really makes me focus on what I want to gif in any given moment, giffing for me rather than anyone else.

40. Why do you make gifs?

This is a good one, I love you for sending me this. I just love how gifmaking makes me engage with a piece of media. It leads to me looking at it more clearly, more precisely. I start to pick up patterns in the filmmaking, I can appreciate the acting better, and I get to keep a bit of it moving on my blog, so I don't have to go back to it every time I want to see a specific moment. It relaxes me and is the perfect activity to do when watching a video essay or something similar in the background. To me, it really is a way to appreciate and interact with a piece of media that I love on a different level where I get to pull it apart a little bit and try to figure out how it works, how it stands in relation to itself, to other media. Sometimes, I get to gif things for other people and try to make them smile, so it's a very beloved activity for me.

Gifmaking asks?

[smollobsession]

25.3.

I'm 40. damn bro.

I finished Mark's book about not giving a fuck and it was really good.

there was a part about death that i found most intriguing, saying that if death is inevitable you might as well live until it comes. which is true and something i've been struggling with since my mom died.

Idk now if I said it in the last post but I also finished Dan's book and it was so helpful, I really wish I could force my teens to read it. (lovingly)

i'm now listening to "because internet" which is a fun linguistic study of internet language.

today i finally made crepes on the crepe maker E gave me ages ago. depression had a hold on me so i couldn't try it for ages but finally i'm there! i need to buy milk and mineral water for good pancakes but the experiment was a success!

in pogo news, I did groudon and kyogre raids and ... got nothing special :D but raiding was fun :D annoying tho that it's obvious you just can't have certain pokemon on certain levels. i played with my secondary, much lower account, and it just wouldn't let me catch groudon, even tho i won 3 raids for it. boo.

This weekend was Intense.

On friday i had my korean lesson and then met up with F for Zone of Interest. It was a great movie, I was immersed in it to the point that I kinda forgot it wasn't present. I also couldn't help but draw parallels to gaza but apparently I'm not allowed to talk about that.

Satuday was raid day and then Sunday I went to the protest. This time I got a flag and I made it all the way to the end of the protest! (minus the dancing, i went home for that :D ) it was ok despite my horrific anxiety making my back hurt and some details I didn't like (a guy spilled a bag of flour to prove some point but like... why are you spilling food while pointing out people are staving pls.) it was quite interesting how I spent most of the day today trying to see myself in pics and vids of the protest and only found ONE pic. soothes my anxiety a little, knowing i'm invisible :D

i've been following exercises from here and i've been increasing the number and length, i'm pleased! My flat is currently fairly clean and things are mostly in their place. yay mental health? and on the note of mental health i'm working on my fic again slowly too.

I did end up buying all the currently published Mo Dao Zu Shi comics :D which is 5 :D oh well! I'm also going to get a in person local Korean teacher. It'll cost a bit but it's fine I hope. Meanwhile I tested spotify and i don't like it. the organization is sadly a mess. the main feature i miss is the ability to see all songs by an artist. without that, their whole app is useless to me. I watched cooking crush and it's a really good show, I recommend it to all my friends now :D even tho the asian parent thing... it's not for me. i'm too chill toward my family even for my culture.

I got tickets for a musical in april, which i'll see with a student. (and another student is in the musical!)

had some good talks with my therapist, mainly about whether or not i care about being fat. i combined this with a chapter from mark's book, and it's quite simple i think. do i care? somewhat. certainly some mobility is not as it should be and i def want to fix that part. but a lot of my feelings about my own body are from outside. and he talks about how wanting to be something isn't the same as wanting to do the work for it, and that's basically it. would i like to be skinny? sure. am i willing to do the work for it? ... not? really? at least not now.

anyway exams are approaching, the end of this career is approaching. i'm chewing on that but so far i haven't reached anything specific. i need to write an email to the company i'm gonna ask for help, so this is my reminder to do that tomorrow :D

happy skz day :D my babies are 6! <3

[cottagecorrosive]

A post to myself so no one read it pls

I'm going to be okay. Someday I'm going to wake up with the dawn and have the warmth of the sun gently get me out of bed. I will go into the kitchen of a small home that we bought together after we have experienced the world despite never leaving the country. I will cook breakfast: pancakes with lots of syrup, eggs, bacon, hot coco...your favorite. I'll wake you up with the smell of a lovingly made meal and gentle sound of me humming our song. We have plenty, but each melody reminds me of you. That's why I can get out of bed. The sun and the warmth remind me I will have another gentle day with you. We'll eat on the porch outside and listen to the morning birds. Our jobs will be worthwhile. We'll have a garden. We'll have a golden lab and name him Rusty. He won't be bright, but he'll shine. We'll have plenty of room to breath and to run and to skip and to frolic. We'll act like no one is watching because the only person i care about who looks at me is you...and i know you love me. And you know I love you too. Forever and always. I'll be able to sit in the living room. I'll be happy to wake up. It'll be hard going to sleep because of how excited I am for tomorrow. We'll be okay. Our minds may not be fixed from all that we've been through, but we know how to love each other's scars. At night we'll have fires and smores and we'll cuddle watching a movie you fall asleep halfway through. I'll carry you to bed and kiss your forehead before trailing off to a dream that will never compare to the life we have. We'll have a family that accepts for who we are and we enjoy the holidays. I haven't been on social media for months. We'll make pinky promises and keep them because they are the most important thing. Chores are not a chore. We'll wash the dishes together and sing our favorite songs. We'll do laundry together and sing The Devil Went Down to Georgia in time with our broken yet usable washing machine. We appreciate living and the living. We'll go hiking all the time and take the time to relax. We'll see each other in the stars. We each have our own space and can appreciate time together and apart. We'll need time to be alone, but I can't wait to tell you what I did and I can't wait to hear what you did. We'll be gentle with each other. In every way. We'll try to bake and create new recipes. Probably failing most of the time, but laughing at how gooey the cake looks and eating it anyway. We won't get angry anymore. At anyone. I'll say I love you a million times and minute and mean it every time. It's my only constant thought. We'll take pictures of everywhere we go and hang them on the wall. Some we'll forget, but they'll be there. Every day I will fall in love with you again. Every few nights we'll get dressed in our nicest clothes and dance on the porch. We'll try to learn new ways to dance and will never be able to because we'll just fall to the floor laughing at ourselves. I'll still practice when I'm alone to impress you next time. We both will. We'll never stop trying to impress each other. I'll learn your favorite songs on guitar and we'll sing together. When we're doing chores I'll turn off my music to head you softly humming. I'll never be tired again. Not like I was. Not like I am. We'll read together, not saying a word. We'll sometimes buy gifts for each other, but most of the time it'll be crafts of love. A crotched ghost. A song. A birdhouse. A trip. A crown made from daisies. We'll exist together. Somehow never getting in the way of the other. We'll celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, Halloweens, Christmases, Easter to the fullest extent. Not to celebrate them, but to have an excuse to have fun with each other. We'll appreciate every season and the change they bring. The Spring. The Summer. The Autumn. The Winter. Change and love are the only constants. We'll wash each other's hair. We'll do things for one another because we want to, not because we have to. We'll be content.

Life will be gentle and worth living.

[kosmic-songbird]

Once I started writing this it basically turned into a journal entry of me working out the twisted mythology of my family so be warned. I guess I need a tag for that to cause this isn't necessarily #badbrain material. Maybe #spaghettithoughts? Cause its winding with no order or direction and immensely tangled. Idk. It'll do for now. Back to the post.

So, I made it through my trip back home. I actually had so much fun. The Bad Ghost™ only phased me a little but the other ghost was very sweet and hung out with me a lot. Walking along the ridgeline of the family pond, backstory underneath, really broke the depression cycle for a moment and made me feel alive again

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(backstory: the pond is very large, 80ish acres and is spring fed. It has a spillway to keep the water circulated and it turns out to a waterfall that feeds our local creek. My great grandpa Otto originally dug it out by hand and once he was too old to manage upkeep it reverted back to a valley between ridges--spillways break, it had no circulation pipe. Everyone in my hometown calls this area The Valley. Florida is pretty flat so this area that is hilly and has Ridgelines is pretty rare. It's actually pretty cool cause the name for the creek and valley is the name of one of the Lower Muskogee chiefs that lived in that area. It's distinct from the Muscogee Nation in Oklahoma. Essentially our people were removed to over there, so that group still has a larger tribal presence than what was left over here. Like I've mentioned before, my native ancestry is not super high and I look white as all hell but, our culture is dying so I'll keep it alive in my private life and support other native tribes with native people that are actually oppressed, as well as learning my heritage, the language, keeping up my relationship with the Deer Woman or Eco Hoktē, etc. to keep it alive for me and my family. My papa ferrel, who is a problematic man but eh family is family I guess, made me promise to learn the language and teach it and while I am learning it, idk if I'll ever be able to teach it or if I'd even be a good person to do so. Like i said, I'm federally considered native American but I am blonde and blue-eyed and definitely a recipient of every privilege that brings. Anyways, back to the pond, my dad loved my great grandpa Otto so much, because my great grandparents pretty much loved him the moment my mom, their granddaughter, introduced him to them. My grandma Bill--her name was Wilma but Grandpa Otto lovingly called her this so we all did too--called my dad Sampson cause he's a big guy. I mean really lorge. 6'5" broad and 290. Yes, me and my brothers are giants. She also called him Stebens instead of Steven and tbh I miss her so much. I had her and my Great Grandma Dottie--Dorothy, but we love nicknames in this family-- until I was 12. Grandma Dottie and Grandma Bill actually lived across the road from each other for 40 years, and then they loved across the hall from each other in the same nursing home until they passed, literally 2 months apart from one another..

I think about that a lot actually. Their kids had married and had a nasty split but they remained so close. That's a beautiful kind of love. I'm circling back to the pond, promise. But yeah, my dad had been told about the pond by grandpa Otto and when I was very little decided that he would resurrect it. I was kind of a miracle baby? I, like, nearly killed my mom and should have died so many times over. My mom thought she had a miscarriage but when it was all said and done my heartbeat was still there, I was a month premature, and born deaf--i hear just fine now tho!--so at the time my mom had just, miraculously, given birth to my little brother. My grandpa Otto had passed right before and, since he had practically raised my mother while my papa ferrel was having his deadbeat dad era, my mom was suffering emotionally. She has taken care of him until he passed, even while pregnant. I mean she provided hospice nurse level care to him. She's problematic too but I love her and hope I can one day be as strong, selfless, and courageous as she is. Just minus the martyr syndrome. And my dad's dad, grandpa Gary, had passed a few years before I was born. Him and my dad loved to fish. Really loved it. But after grandpa Gary passed my dad just, he couldn't bring himself to do it anymore. So, seeing as he had a new son and little girl that literally was attached to his hip, he figured, maybe, he could try to fish again. And since my mom was grieving my grandpa Otto's death immensely the idea came to him to fix the pond. It would be a gift to her, giving her a small piece of grandpa Otto back, and a gift to himself by letting him have a place to do with us what he loved to do so much with his father, and a gift to us. He was determined to make the pond better than ever and sturdier. He wanted to give everyone something that would last. So he got his friend and neighbor that does heavy machinery, his friend that was a well driller, and anyone else he could find to help and designed the new layout. Now, the pond is fed from a branch upstream and the spring underneath. It has a pipe to circulate flow and a spillway to also facilitate flow and not bother the natural ecosystem since there originally was a branch there. They also dug out a road to it, tho it's precarious as hell and scary lol. They left trees standing so that the fish would have places to hide and bed... it was extremely well thought out and kind of amazing, honestly. Ik a lot of people don't have the kind of privilege I do to have access to something like this all to ourselves so like, be aware that's not lost on me. Once the water rose, it needed fish, so my dad taught 4 year old me how to fish by taking me to local ponds, the creek, the lake to catch fish and then release them into the pond. It's... it's some of my earliest memories actually. This backstory is getting long and out of hand, but the big take away is that our pond is one of the best places of my childhood and being there, after feeling isolated and lonely in a new state really did some good for my soul)

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So, walking the overgrown Ridgeline of something I helped to build as a child, 20 years later, it fixed something broke in me. The friend I recently... Well, the sister I am estranged from, her father helped build that pond too. He was the well driller. He has since passed and make no mistake, he was a bad man. I think a lot of trauma stems from him and the fact she still hasn't grieved him, come to terms with who he was and that, maybe, she still loved him even in hate. I've had to do that with living family. My mom is strong but she pushed me to "Be the great woman God has made you to be. You were no accident, but a miracle, and I know you are capable of more than this." My dad has the biggest heart but he's narcissistic at times and he yelled. He was scary. He still does sometimes. And, tbh, the greatest healing for our relationship has been distance. He's always excited to see me and cherishes our time together now. So there's no criticism and yelling or arguing anymore. He just appreciates me as a strong woman he helped to raise. Same for mom. She understands now that her and dad and other things probably brought on my bipolar or, at the very least, made it worse. She gets that sometimes I don't have it in me to Be Great™. And so when I struggle now, she doesn't yell or guilt me, she listens and understands. It's... It's nice. It's nice to be able to wholly love my family again, despite their flaws. So maybe I'm too harsh on her, huh? She's a bad person, but so was her dad, and she didn't get to grow up and have him finally grow up and act better too, did she? But that's not an excuse, I suppose. Her father was beaten senselessly by her grandpa and thats how him and dad became close as brothers, he lived with him and my grandparents when his father was too violent to withstand. But her father was still a bad man. Serial cheater, literally ran drugs for the cartel (yes, mexico to Florida. how? I haven't the faintest clue) violent himself, addict, and probably more. My dad has cut him off too, right before he died. He has come to the house tweaking and my dad took him outside and said if he ever endangered his children that way again he would kill him and then they were estranged. He came over one last time the week before he died. It was the first time they spoke since and he apologized. He died the next week. My dad went to the pond by himself and came back so distraught that his eyes had swelled shut. I'll never forget that. But, when everything happened with her, I asked my dad if he would do it again. And he told me he would, without a second thought. His friend was endangering me and my little brothers; no matter how much he loves him he loves us more. And we all have a choice to be better. We all can be better. And so he told me not to fret too much. "She'll come around," he promised, "And even if something happened, because I know that's what you're actually asking, Avery, yeah you would regret it. I still do. But the regret could never outweigh the happiness you and your mom and your brothers have given me. I still miss him, but I'd do it again for you. Regret will not kill you, even if it hurts."

So I'm still hurting. I am. I'm still massively hurting. I'm fucking bleeding like cardiac wound, but I'd do it again. I was miserable. I was tired. I couldn't watch her sabotage herself over and over and over again. And when she told me that we weren't even close. That she was "just too broken to trust me, to be close to me" I lost it. I'd never felt more betrayed or worthless or just... Used. I would have done anything for her, and I did. I mustered the strength to let her know she was being a bitch, letting her borderline rule her life, and hurting me and others and herself. I removed myself from our attached hips with all the precision of a chainsaw in an army medics hands but I did it. I loved her enough to let her know what consequences are, even if it hurt me too. Even if I'm lonely and grieving and bleeding. I'm always fucking bleeding. I love people too much and too hard and it leaves me shattered and bleeding. Love breaks my bones. And I laugh. All that poetic nonsense that just can be summed up in a phrase.

I'm still bleeding.

But, when I sat on the ponds edge and watched the sun rise, I felt whole. The bleeding quelled, for a moment. I saw that even if my father had to go through pain and agony for his friendship with her dad, only for it to end, well, something beautiful still came out of it. And maybe, maybe I can find a way to turn this mess of blood into something beautiful too. So I'm going to get out of bed, even though I really wish I could stay in it forever and get dressed. I'm going to take care of the house I share with the love of my life and pet my dogs and cat. I'll water the orchids and apply for some jobs. I'll draw and I'll give an offering to my spirits. I'll think about how my boyfriend didn't like God of War that much the first time he played it, but when he played it for me (because I like game storylines but am terrifically bad at playing a lot of games) he watched the way I laughed, the way I gasped, and the way I cried so many times and he found a love for the game. Because of a love for me. I'm going to hold on to the way love weaves itself in the oddest of places. In a game, in a pond, in my heart. Kratos said to be better, and I will.

Ik no one will read this and that's okay. It's... It's easier to journal when it feels like I'm telling someone a story. Or explaining something. Or even just having a conversation. It makes it bearable. Thanks for listening.