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alreadyblondenow · 4 years

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Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene, mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX!

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry.

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.

#nct-writers #neosmutcollective #neowritingsnet #kwritersworldnet #kpopscape #kdiner #cznnet #nct smut #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #jaehyun x reader #jung jaehyun x reader #nct jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun scenarios

976 notes · View notes

minshookie · 3 years

Text

Invasion of Privacy.

Pairing | mafia!yandere!Joon x Reader

Genre | smut, angst, gore, yandere.

Summary | “while Joon is at work unwanted company comes to visit, opening your eyes to unwanted secrets.”

!warnings! | 18+ mature language , mentioned sexual acts, smut (just a little bit), violence, background character death, naive reader insert, dumbification, caretaker Joon.

| this is not in anyway shape or form a true depiction or representation of BTS, this is a work of fiction and is not to be taken seriously. For entertainment purposes only.|(this is my work, please don’t repost or steal)

Requested [closed for request] words: 2k.

A/N | I struggled LOL But it’s finally here! I hope you enjoy. Forgive my mistakes please 💜

“Ready for breakfast hm?” Joon Spoke softly head resting in the crook of your neck, blanketing you with his warm damp body. “Yeah I guess.” Butterflies still fluttering in your tummy from the activities you both just enjoyed. “Mm well I’m not trying for waffles today kitten I have to go to work, so think of something quick.” He yawned before taking the tender skin of your neck between his supple lips again, sucking you in nibbling playfully. “Joonie when will Mary be back, I like her breakfast.” Almost whining. He chucked against you, “I told you Mary will be back after she’s had her baby.”

Feeling pouty you huff no motivation to eat knowing he’ll be leaving you soon. yawing you simply shrugged away the idea of this mornings breakfast. “Cereal again hm? If you insist.” He groaned pulling his self up on his forearms, gazing down at your connected bodies, he glided out with ease sighing in pleasure. Leaving you feeling empty yet warmly stuffed full. “I’ll be back, you stay put.” He began to walk towards the closet, watching silently in admiration. “Wait!” Stopping he turned. “Panties?” You request, fully knowing he’d get them for you. “Panties...of course.” He swiftly turned pulling some from the drawer. You reached for them, softly swatting your hand he went to your legs. “Up.” Complying, you let him dress your bottom half. “Being needy this morning i see,need a shirt too?” You nodded, letting him dress you again. “Alright cereal coming right up babybug.” He gave you a sweet Eskimo kiss before leaving.

His heavy steps thumped the hardwood stars, getting softer and softer before they disappeared. Never could you have imagined a simple round of dates would land you here, wrapped in Eucalyptus sheets, in the middle of a giant bed, upstairs of a Manson. Getting loved daily by a man with millions to his name. Your face began to grow warmer of subtle humiliation as you felt your heat drip of him. This whole situation felt like a long, long fairytale dream and you were loving every minute of it. Your reminiscing was cut short by the thudding of Joon’s feet coming up the stairs, finally he renters a smile on his face dimples prominent. Obviously proud of his limited culinary skills.

“A sugary cereal for the sweetest person I know, and a fruit cup too.” He walked slowly with he bed table careful not to spill. “c’mon get up and eat.” You sat up wide eyed ready for the meal he set before you. “What do you say greedy girl?” He held you back from the simple breakfast. “Thank you Joonie.” He nodded in approval letting go. “Remember, drink your milk, clean up your mess...eat all your fruit.”

He walked to the bathroom letting you eat in peace. You obliged his orders enjoying your modest breakfast quickly. Soon though, you started swaying the rose gold spoon around in the matching bowl watching the bland cereal chase each other. You’d finished all the marshmallows, you knew Joon would protest. Finishing the milk you began to pluck your favorites from the small fruit bowl, growing bored rather quickly.

“Joonie!” You beckoned, cheek full of berries. “yeah!” He yelled over the heavy patter of the shower. “Can I watch TV?” Tightly you closed your eyes in wishful thinking. “No Princess, it’s too early you know that, don’t you?!” You huffed, swallowing your fruit. “Yes!” He didn’t respond expecting you to eat the rest if your breakfast, in your true fashion you ignored the kiwi and bland cereals uneaten in protest of no early morning TV.

Annoyingly you shifted uncomfortably along the plush mattress once again. The once comforting fullness you felt now just starting to make an unpleasant mess...“Joonie!” “Y/n!” He yelled back while exiting the bathroom, his body glistening the scent of his masculine body wash and cologne engulfing the room. “I need to shower, I’m making a mess.” You stated shyly, making him smile in laughter.

“A mess huh, why don’t you take care of it?” He asked knowingly making you pout, he walked closer picking up the clear bowl, kiwi left behind. “Ah, eat this.” He held the green fruit between his fingers. “Eat one at least.” He rubbed it along your parted lips, you obliged his glare making you feel small. “Do I have to start giving you my cereal seems your tummy is getting full on sweets before you make it to the real breakfast?” Teasing he took it upon himself to finish the cereals.

“What do you say?” “Sorry for not finishing.” no way could you disobey him. “Good,Tell me about this mess though.” He inquired placing a kiwi slice in his mouth, walking to his suit closet letting his towel fall, he was already clad in his briefs. “You know!” He chuckled “I do? Oh is it my cum baby?” He stated lewdly while pulling out a dark suit. “Joon c’mon!” You whined, moving the the table. “Well Y/n if you wanted my help you should’ve joined me in the shower, you spoiled little brat.” He began to get dressed, “go wipe, go shower, and I’ll have someone clean the sheets yeah?” You rolled from the warm bed, a breeze catching your wet spot. “Yeah.” He smoothed the suit out over him , choosing a belt. “C’mon, I’m going to work big girl panties y/n go clean up please.” You took your time to walk past him , secretly wanting him to stay. You hoped he’d feel bad if you played hurt, or incapable of washing up maybe he’d stay late to help.

With a sigh of disapproval he turned from watching you walk begrudgingly in the mirror, giving your bottom a firm tap. “Now please so I can see you before I go okay?” Nodding you did as told, your scheme unsuccessful you resorted to complying. Striping and folding your clothes before throwing them in the hamper. Pulling the body wash, hand picked by Joon you lathered and showered as throughly and quickly as you could. Examining the dark areas he’d left behind, your neck,legs, and stomach, even scattering some along your pelvic area. Namjoon was extremely through when putting his claim over you, not like he had any competition. “All day kitten?” He knocked lightly on the door. The time spent Wandering in your thoughts taking a little longer than Joon’s liking you followed routine rinsing and turning off the water, drying you left with the plush towel around you.

He sat on the edge of the bed, an outfit laid over his thigh. “All dry?” You nodded catching a slight shiver, “you sure?” He called you over with a finger, tenderly he unwrapped you taking it upon himself to make sure you were dried, helping dress you as well. “When do you have to go Joon?” “Now.” Sighing you fell into his chest for a hug. “Yeah yeah, c’mon I gotta go love.” He kissed your cheek. “Kiss me before I go.” You pulled out of the crook of his neck latching onto his lips. Grabbing your neck he took the lead invading your mouth lustfully with his own. “Still taste sweet hm, remember to brush your teeth, lunch at twelve,have a snack around four, I’ll be home for dinner...and do not open the door.” You nodded your hands still in his. “I have a friend downstairs okay anything you can’t take care of...and I don’t mean the little things...ask him okay?” “Okay.” You crawled into bed avoiding the soiled area.

He got up smoothing his suit over again. “Uhm Joonie-” “I know I know.” He threw the remote to you before leaving. “See you later my pretty girl, remember I’ll know if you’re naughty. ” You smile turning on the TV. “See you later.”

After tedious hours of watching, and flipping through channels you enviably you became extremely bored with the flashing pictures playing before you. The nap you’d gifted yourself earlier began to wear off, you were sure it’s already been two hours, nobody’s came for the sheets. Strange of the morning staff to forget that. Rolling your eyes, you brushed off their neglect sitting up from the bed striping the stained sheets.

As bored as you were, you didn’t mind the walk down to the wash room. Once you gained balance of the heavy load, the trek began, only able to peak over the large bundle the stairs were a challenge. Once conquered you repositioned the bundle in your arms beginning to weigh on you. “Hey I brought the sheets for you!” Too lazy to complete the mission at hand, you tossed the sheets on the nearest couch, throwing yourself in the seat next to them. “Hello?!” Nobody seemed to call back as you voice deflected off of the walls. No way would they leave you all alone.

You stood from your seat, leaving the laundry behind as curiosity got the best of you. Where had everyone gone? You could’ve sworn you heard Joon conversing with them before he left. Roaming past the kitchen, Joon’s left his cutting board and knife out fruit juice displayed across the marble surface. Nobodies been on their job, and to think of it you haven’t seen or heard Joon’s friend he’d left for you yet.

You hated being alone, and Joon knew that. He wouldn’t leave you that way. Meandering down the elongated hall, which located staff bedrooms leaving a firm knock on the door....nothing. Fear draped over you the silence becoming too loud, taking panicked strides leaving the hall. Wandering the house looking for any other life form. Until you met face to face with a forbidden room. Joon’s office. Throwing rules away you griped the stubborn knob. Locked damn. “Help.” Whimpering like a kicked puppy you kept searching. “Joonie.” Wandering around, like you were lost in your own house, you skipped down the small flight of stairs, the washroom maybe they’re in there ...a dumb thought but this is the only room you haven’t rampaged.

Swinging the fragile door, a pungent rusting scent crashed into you. “And who the fuck are you?” Frozen in the door frame your brain fell blank. A group of men you’d never met covered in drying blood. The staff and who seemed to be Jungkook, sat lifelessly bound by their legs and arms in chairs in a perfect line. “Where’d come from?” Unable to speak you stared into the glossed eyes of people you once called friends. “Where’d you fucking come from!” Your mouth dried nervously, unsure what to answer...“Bed-bedroom ups-stairs.” They shared a look with each other, the only visible feature being their eyes. “Well you see these dunces doll...they lied...you won’t do that huh?” You shook your head, “Jungkook...he doesn’t lie.” They all laughed in frenzy. “No but he sure does fight back, don’t do that either...c’mon over here princess.”

“Don’t call me that.” You stepped only one step closer, in fear of getting near the corpses. “Alright, heard...who are you?” Fiddling with your shirt you looked to your toes. “C’mon baby answer honestly or I’ll have to...sit you down.” You looked up, hot tears piercing your eyes begging to fall. “I’m y/n...Joon’s girlfriend.” Nodding in approval, someone in the back butted in. “He fuck you good?”You sniffled, looking back and forth between the few of them. “Don’t answer that, we don’t give a fuck about that....here’s the real test, where’s Namjoon hiding hmm?”

Oh, that’s easy, “Joon...he’s at work.” Scoffing in disbelief he reached behind him into his back pocket. “One more time cutie, where’s your little boyfriend.” Wide eyed your mouth quivered with no words. “I told you he’s at work.” He turned to his darkly dressed men “get a fucking chair, you y/n go sit in it.” You turned to run, a gun shot landed above you dry wall crumbling. “Sit your tight ass in that chair, or the next bullet will be buried in your chest.” Frozen in your tracks, you knew siting would land you right where Jungkook was. “Kim Namjoon is at work you won’t find him here!” Shaken you peered over your shoulder.

“Okay...okay, where does he work huh?” You turned back towards the stairs. “Uhm...I-I I’m not sure...big business I think, he has suits and a home office and people p-people follow him-” your rambling in cold sweat was cut short by the sound of bullets ricocheting along the cement walls. “Get out of the fucking way you dense bitch!” Unable to see your hero you rushed past him bolting away as quick as you could, blinded by tears. Eventually you fumbled into someone. “Hey hey y/n you hurt?” “JOONIE!” You climbed him his voice mesmerizing you. “Joonie it was disgusting, joonie please help.” The commotion still echoing in the wash room, Joon took his large hands over your ears guiding you upstairs into your shared room.

Finally silence to comfort you a wave of anger rushed over you as you processed your situation. Your ears pulsating. “Y/n...I’m so sorry princess.” All you could do was fall back onto the bare mattress. “Please do- who are they?” He sighed rubbing the back of his neck. “Business rivals.” He leans a leg on the maters caressing your thigh. “Joon don’t fucking lie I almost died.” He swatted your exposed tummy. “Hey don’t talk to me like that y/n.” Tears of anger replacing fear, “is this a game to you am I a damn toy to you...Joon I know you’re not telling me the truth and it hurts.”

He sat on the bed with an aggravated groan, you laid back staring at the smooth ceiling. “Y/n it’s best if you don’t know.” “Joon I’ll leave. Tonight i almost got my brai-” he darkly chuckled cutting you off “and to where, c’mon where?” You breathed deeply with anger. “I’ll- uhm...” “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you, face it you’d be fucked over without me.” You rolled over, you could scream your figure shook in frustration. “I’ve pulled you in and treated you like a queen and you want to leave because you had to dodge a bullet?” “Please stop, Joon I’m leaving.” You sat up only to be pushed down, “you’ll die without me bitch, there are eyes on you, you take one step out of my house your just as good bounty as me.” What bullshit has this motherfucker pulled you into.

“Plus I’ve had you here, dumbed you down so much you can’t even shower right, let alone live alone, I feed your ass, wipe your ass, clean your disgusting ass, dress you, protect you, service waiting on you every damn hour of the day...fuck you how you please never how I please and yet you wanna go?!” Tears spilled from you, he straddled you peering maliciously, never has Joon spoken to you this way.

In surprise the door swung open, making your stomach drop, Yoongi’s face speckled red. “Joon it’s Guk he’s dead.” “Get out.” His voice flat no emotion present Yoongi obliged slamming the door on his way. “You even got one of my men-” “no.” You earned a slap like no other for cutting him off “I’ve trained you so much better, so much better than to cut me off and to snitch on me...I was at work huh...they wouldn’t find me here huh?” You couldn’t respond, the left side of your face throbbing from the assault. “Once I caught word of the invasion I check the cameras for you and low and behold your mouth never fucking shut...saving yourself? Fucking cunt.” You looked away from his accusing gaze.

“No words? Just how I like you...now be a good girl, apologize.” “I love-e you joo-nie I’m sorry.” You recite from memory. “I love you too, don’t ever disobey me again, and don’t you dare try to leave if you do, I’ll blow the little brains you have let by myself.” Tears pooled your face causing him to smirk. “Remember I own you, everything you are, everything you want, everything you believe, is mine to keep.”

Not my image

320 notes · View notes

roger-that-cap · 4 years

Text

jack pendleton

summary: moving into an apartment to get away from your last relationship was fun all fun and games until you met your extremely attractive across-the-hall neighbor, who makes awesome cookies and even better novels.

author!bucky x reader

warnings: no legitimate warnings besides swearing, it kind of moves just a weensie bit fast but i think it’s cute, minimal angst, I WROTE THIS IN ONE DAY and that is a warning tbh so expect mistakes in this hunk a junk-

word count: 6.2k!

Searching for your new apartment was a terribly long and boring process, but even you couldn’t deny that finally moving in was heavenly.

It was the first thing that you did by yourself after having a mutual break up with your boyfriend, and you would be damned if it felt anything but good. He confessed to you that he had fallen in love with a man that he met online. Not only that, but an Italian man that he was teaching English to over a website. He was brave enough to tell you as soon as he realized that he loved the man, so the heartbreak was minimal.

You never told him, but honestly, you sort of respected him for that. So, with your hidden respect and gratitude, you wished him well and knew that you were going to be the one to find a new place.

So there you stood, right in front of your new place with a singular box in your arms, all the others in the smallest U-Haul available to rent that you drove there. You stared at your door for a moment, which read an embroidered C7, and then you fiddled with your keys to unlock it.

You had a lot of work to do.

§§§

By the end of the fourth day, mostly all of your things were put away. You didn’t think you had much to begin with, but unpacking made you realize that you had more than you thought. So with your ambitious mind, you got everything done on your own, even the decorations that you had at your last appointment were on the walls.

By the seventh day, it was starting to feel like home again. And that called for a celebration. You got your purse and your car keys, your mind already in the shopping mall.

As you stepped out of your door, the door directly across from yours opened too. You didn’t pay them much mind besides flashing a smile and turning around to lock your own door, not even looking at whoever it was properly enough to see them. But when you did, you definitely did.

A man with long, brown hair and clear blue eyes was staring at you like a deer in the headlights, and you would have thought that he mistook you for a celebrity if it weren’t for the wrinkle of confusion on his forehead. The first thought that came to your mind was that he was as stiff as a board, and that it was almost comical. The second thought that came to your mind was that this man was very handsome, despite the way that he was looking at you like you had just said the dumbest thing known to man.

“Um, hello,” you said, not even having to be loud because you were just a few feet apart. You were tempted to be a smartass and say something rude about his incessant staring, but instead, you reminded yourself that you were going to have to deal with the consequences of your smart remark later on. Humiliation and awkwardness every time you saw him was not what you wanted. “Have a good day.”

You turned to your left and walked down the stairs, thankful that you lived on the edge of the hall and could just run down some steps to get away from whatever that “encounter” was.

§§§

The mall was utterly packed, but that didn’t matter to you at all. You were there to browse for something that was going to make you even happier after your move, and a few people in line weren’t going to bother you. You went in and out of clothing stores, buying a few things here and there, and then on your way out, you passed by a bookstore.

You liked books, you really did. But you were avoiding that store like the plague. For you to go into a bookstore with so many options available, you knew that the safest route for your budget was to know what you were getting from the second you walked in. You stood in front of it for a second, debating on going in without looking online beforehand or just coming back another day. Your own feet answered the question for you, and then you were entering the huge book store.

The shelves were high and wide and sturdy, dark brown and creating isles. Fantasy, Young Adult, Spiritual, Languages. The genres went as far as you could see. And that meant that if you weren’t wise, you could be buying a book from every aisle.

You counted the number of shelves, seeing that there were almost thirty as far as you knew, and then took out the two dice that you took with you everywhere, for reasons like this. You were indecisive, and two little cubes with black dots on them were as sure as it could get. They were your Decision Dice. They had never steered you wrong before, and today wouldn’t be the day. You were going to roll twice, and if the sum was a number less than ten, then you would multiply it by two, which was your lucky number. You liked to make things difficult.

You saw a woman staring at you with cautious eyes as you bent down and shook your closed hand, and you heard her chuckle when she saw the two little cubes roll out of your palm.

“Four,” you murmured once you saw three dots on one and one on the other. You picked them up and shook your hand again. “Three. That makes seven, and seven times two makes aisle fourteen.” You picked up the dice (that you would never admit came from your grandpa’s set of Yahtzee) and walked past the still laughing woman in the science fiction aisle.

Of course, aisle fourteen was the aisle that you probably had the least business in. Romance. You almost walked away and went for the fifteenth instead, but then what would the point in rolling be? What would stop you from denying the Decision Dice in later situations? You sighed for a second after your own dramatics and looked the shelves up and down, trying to find a title that grabbed you.

You walked up and down the aisle, slowly combing through until you saw a book on the bottom shelf by some Jack Pendleton. You frowned. It wasn’t often that you saw men’s names in the romance section, and when you did, you hardly liked what they wrote. The love interest was always flat or too out there to be believable. The female love interest in men’s books always had to be “not like other girls”, and it was worn out. For some reason, you reached down for it anyway, ready to see what you had already seen a million times before.

What you really ended up seeing shocked you.

It was about a man who served in the army oversees and came back an amputee, and became locked in a love triangle between his physical therapist and his best friend, all the while dealing with his sexuality.

That was a lot of man versus self. You wanted it.

You stood up and without second thought walked to the counter, handing the cashier the book and getting out your credit card.

§§§

You cracked open the book the second you threw your fast food trash away in your trash can. You made yourself comfortable on your little couch and put some light music on in the background, just so that it wouldn’t be completely silent. You didn’t do well with silence at all.

It took all of four pages for Jack Pendleton to surprise you again. His writing style was gorgeous and smooth, and you cold tell that he meant every word that was printed on the pages. His diction was brilliant, his descriptions even better. He didn’t give too much or too little, and you were already falling in love with it.

The main character, Elijah, was likeable but flawed. Within the first thirty pages, you could already sense that he was gaining feelings that he didn’t even know about for his best friend, Will, who wasn’t named until about forty pages at Elijah’ first physical therapy appointment. Will hadn’t even shown up yet.

You had blown through nearly half the book when you realized that it was eleven at night, and that you had work the next morning. You swore to yourself and put a smaller piece of paper in your book this time, looking at it longingly and patting it on the spine before leaving it on the small coffee table.

§§§

Work was horrible. It was boring, and you spent the whole first part of your day with a man who was mad at you specifically because you ran out of a special type of shoe that he needed to wear the next day. The store that you worked at wasn’t even really a shoe store. Then, he asked to see the manager. You were the shift manager. He got so pissed that he threw a hanger at you and stormed out, and all you could do was laugh.

You were so tired of retail, it wasn’t even funny.

You were a little more than a hundred and twenty pages in when there was a knock on your door, and it came right as you were about t flip the page. You resisted the urge to scream, completely and utterly fed up with the public for the day. There was no use in trying to ignore the knocking that already yanked your mind out of the fictional world, and so you left the book on your couch, sticking a piece of paper in it quickly to save your page.

You swung the door open, expecting to find someone who wanted you to fill out a survey or maybe even someone from maintenance making sure that everything was okay with your apartment. You certainly didn’t expect to see your beautiful neighbor with a pie in his gloved hands and a pink flush on his face.

He spoke first. “Hi, I live across the floor,” he pointed towards the door that you knew he lived behind. “I was just coming to bring you a welcoming gift.”

You were stunned. The man who stared you down and didn’t even say a word to you was at your door with what looked like a homemade pie, and wow, was that a turn of events. It was something straight out of that cheesy romance section that you were in at the bookstore. “Wow, thank you. You made that?”

The pink on his cheeks graduated to scarlet. “I-yeah, I did.”

You couldn’t contain the grin that stretched onto your face. “That’s really kind of you, thank you. I’m sure I’ll love it.” You gently took it from his hands and smiled up at him.

“It’s also an apology, for staring at you like that when you were leaving.” You noticed his subtle accent and fought the urge to swoon. He was so adorably shy. “No one’s lived in this one for years, and I didn’t notice you moving in. Kinda scared me.”

“You didn’t see the moving truck?” You asked teasingly.

You saw the small grimace on his face, and your smile faltered. “I don’t really go outside much,” he said vaguely, and you felt that you hit a nerve.

You shrugged with the pie still in your hands, lips turning upwards at him. “It’s okay, I don’t, either.”

You were both smiling now.

“Well, um,” he started to say, and you nodded your head at him, already knowing that he was about to go. “I have to finish something. I’ll see you later?”

“There’s a pretty good chance that you will,” you said, and he gave an awkward wave before turning around and walking away, right into his apartment without another look back. You cursed softly when he shut his door, and you looked down at the pie.

You didn’t even get his name.

§§§

You realized after five days of nothing (and cleaning out the pan of delicious pie by yourself) that you weren’t going to see your neighbor by chance. You hoped that you would, more than you hoped for anything else before. But he was right. He didn’t go outside much. The doors in the building were all so loud that it was nearly impossible not to hear them opening or shutting, and you never heard his once.

You had to do it yourself. Somehow, you needed to figure out how to see him again without it being incredibly weird, but you had a plan. In your eyes, it was pretty foolproof. Your mom’s chicken parmesan could never go wrong, and everyone liked to eat. You went to the grocery store without even having to roll the Decision Dice and got started on it the second you got home.

***

When it was done, there was a thin line of sweat on your forehead. You put a note to yourself in your head that the kitchen got insanely hot when you cooked, and you vowed to remember it next time. You took off your fancy apron and the chef’s hat that you wore for fun when you cooked and set it on the countertop. Now, the hard part came.

How were you supposed to get brave enough to bring a plate over to his place? Were you supposed to hope that he hadn’t eaten yet? Or, were you supposed to let him in to eat? Shit, that sounded too much like a date.

With all those thoughts in mind, you walked up to his door, C6, and knocked on it. You realized last minute that you forgot the plate on the table, so dinner was over at your apartment by default unless you did an awkward dash across the hall. The sound of boots coming towards the door were loud and clear, and then the door opened, barely giving you enough time to swallow your anxieties. You got a panging irrational fear that he wouldn’t remember you, but were relieved when he smiled down at you.

“Hi,” you said, sounding more like a telemarketer than a neighbor. “I made chicken parmesan.” It was silent for a few seconds as you both tried to make sense of what was happening, and you kicked yourself on the inside. “I made a plate for you because um, I wanted to thank you for the pie. It was really good.”

His face lit up, and it was like you were given a new burst of life and hope simultaneously. “Oh, thank you! That’s really sweet, thank you,” he repeated, his words getting slightly jumbled up the more and more he spoke. He was so cute.

You realized that the both of you were just staring at each other, standing with smiles that were increasingly leaning towards more than polite by the second. “I can, uh, bring it to your door if you want.”

“I can come over, if that makes it easier.” Both sentences were spoken at the same time, and it caused you both to apologize once again at the same time. “No, no, I’ll come back with you,” he said when you two finally spoke your own sentences.

You tilted your head. You were sure that he was shy, you could have bet money on him wanting to eat alone. “Are you sure?”

“Of course,” he gave you a small smile and stepped out of his apartment, and suddenly, you were aware of how he smelled like a bakery. Flower, sugar, apples, cinnamon, the whole nine. Your eyes widened when you smelled more of it when he shut his door. It smelled amazing. You didn’t want to be greedy, but whatever he had in there, you wanted a slice.

Your apartment smelled good, but in the opposite way. It smelled like sauce and spices and chicken, like a good kitchen. You almost laughed when you saw his eyes widen after he caught a whiff. His eyes scanned the table that was already set up for one, and he saw all the food in the middle and only grew more surprised.

“You did all of this yourself?”

You didn’t think it was a big deal. You knew how to plate food and you knew how to cook it fine, but it wasn’t too special, in your opinion. It was second nature because of your mother, but you could always go for a nice compliment. “Yeah, I have fun cooking.”

“It looks amazing,” he said softly, and you smiled at him.

“Let’s hope it tastes as good.”

It felt oddly domestic. You got his plate for him and watched him make his first because he was the guest, and you warned him about touching the hot pan, even though he didn’t seem worried about it with his gloves on. You asked him if he wanted wine, water, or soda, and he got his own glass of water after saying that he felt bad making you do it. By the time you sat down and started twirling your fork in your spaghetti, you were starving.

You heard him take his first bite more than you saw him do it. “Holy-” he put his hand in front of his mouth. “You made this here?”

You laughed. “Mhm.”

“Are you a chef, or something?”

You were flattered. “No, but my mother is,” and man, was she a cook. She could cook anything and make it taste good if you gave her a flame. Always, she had pressured you into knowing how to make a meal, because making a meal meant providing for yourself and everyone else in your family. You watched him cut into a piece of chicken and put it in his mouth, smiling when he gave you the “food look”. “She taught me everything I know.”

“Well, I’m about to call her and thank her,” he joked, and you giggled, twirling your own fork and getting some spaghetti in your mouth. You tilted your head. It was pretty good.

“And what about you? You can bake,” and there he was, all shy again, and you loved it. “Where did you learn?”

“My father’s a baker,” he said, and a slow smile spread across your face.

“Well, would you look at that,” you said, nodding your head in thought. He smiled back.

“Would you look at that.”

For a second, just like the two of you had done many times before, you were stuck in a world where there wasn’t anything else, not even the food. It was just his smile and yours, and the fact that somehow both of you knew that the moment was genuine.

“I’m so sorry, what’s your name?” He blurted, and you frowned.

“My name?” A flame of embarrassment and shame shot through you. You were fawning over a man that you didn’t even know the name of yet. You sister would be disgusted with you. “Oh, have we really not said our names yet?”

“I guess not...” he said, voice trailing off at the end.

“Well, good thing names aren’t that important.”

He gave you an intrigued look. “Names aren’t important?”

“They can be, but sometimes they don’t mean a thing. You can learn so much about someone before learning their name, and when you do, nothing changes what you already know. I cook and I like spending money in book stores, and you bake and stay inside. That doesn’t change after we learn names.”

He looked like he had just reached cloud nine. “You like books?”

“Of course I do,” you said, and your eyes trailed over to the book that was sitting on your couch. “I actually took that little name bit from what I learned from a book, so I won’t take credit for that.”

“What book was so in depth and interested with names?”

“I don’t even think that the main focus was the name, I think it was the opposite. His name didn’t matter because all that mattered were the emotions that came with him.” You took a second to think. “And I also think that saying his name made it real for the main character, so the dude’s name didn’t come up until he was in mid conversation.”

At first, you were worried that you lost him. But you hadn’t. “He was in love with this person?”

“Madly. But he was his best friend.” You were so excited. You were really talking to a man who liked to read? And one who liked to analyze what he read? This must have been heaven. “For a while, all we hear about is how amazing the person is that he fell in love with and about how he struggled with loving him because he was a man. We knew everything about him before his name was even said and before he was even present, and that’s probably what I like most so far about the book.”

Through your rambling, you failed to notice that he was looking more and more panicked. “Um, what’s the book called?”

“Here, I’ll just go get it,” you said, standing up and walking over to your couch, pulling it off and walking over to him. You set the book down, and watched his eyes grow so wide that he looked cartoonish. “Have you read it?”

He blinked at the cover. “Y-yeah, I’ve read it.” He looked at his watch, swore so emptily that you swore it was acting, and then gave you an apologetic look. “Um, I have to go. I’m sorry.”

So, you did scare him off. You hid your frown with a polite smile, and tried to remind yourself that even though it felt like one, it wasn’t a date. It was you paying him back for making you something in his own kitchen. “Oh, alright. I hope you liked it.”

Maybe he heard something in your voice that you didn’t, because he stopped frantically putting his jacket on to look you in the eyes. “It was amazing, I mean that. And it was very sweet, thank you.”

This is crashing and burning. What the hell happened? It was going so well! “Well, I’ll see you later,” you called out, and you watched him wash his own plate with a shocked look on your face. “Thanks,” you whispered, and he nodded at you, a tight smile on his face as he wrapped a gloved hand around the doorknob and left.

***

Maybe you hadn’t scared him away, after all.

You had full intentions of leaving him alone until he came to you, if it was ever even going to happen. You only left for work and debated on finding something simple to bake for him to extend another olive branch, but then you decided that you would let the universe control what happened, if anything was even meant to happen in the first place. There was a knock on your door, and there he was, with a pan of cupcakes that had blue icing perfectly swirled on top.

Alright, so you hadn’t.

He gave you the cutest smile, and you couldn’t help but to give one back. “Hi, I’m Bucky.” You gave him your name, too.

From then on, you two were practically attached at the hip. If you weren’t at work, he was over with you, watching a movie and talking about foreshadowing or how good the book version would have been if it came first. He was also one of the only people you knew who had actually read Tarzan, and you got a kick out of it. You got so close that you even met his little quartet of friends, Steve, Natasha, and Sam, who all liked you after the first meeting. You fit in with them like a glove.

Speaking of... “Why do you wear gloves?” You had asked him one day, and he stiffened up like a board.

“I get cold easily on my hands,” he explained coolly, and you let it go.

There were little things about him that you questioned every time after he went back home. You questioned how he never left his apartment but made enough money to keep it. You asked yourself how he was so busy in there, and what exactly he did. You wondered why he got so funny when you mentioned the book, and how nervous he was to talk about it when you finally finished it. All of those things slightly worried you, but they had nothing on the one, huge thought that loomed over all the others.

You were falling hard and fast for Bucky Barnes. A part of you could admit that you were already on the ground.

If started off slowly. You admired his mind and his smile and the way that his eyes shined when he taught you how to bake a perfect cake without all the fancy, expensive supplies. You loved the way that his cheeks glowed when you complimented him or touched his hair or his nose. You loved that he started calling you “darling” and the way that his Brooklyn accent left out the last letter. You loved the way that things with him already felt so natural, like you cooking dinner and him helping you wash and dry dishes after. You were in for the long haul before you could even reach for the door handle of the speeding car, and you didn’t really want to.

There was a knock on your door out of courtesy, and you called out for him to let himself in. You were way past knocking, but he was polite. You were tapping away at the keys on your laptop, humming to yourself as you looked into Jack Pendleton.

“Watcha doin’, darlin’?” He set down the items you two needed for homemade lasagna and his father’s recipe for some simple pumpkin bread on the counter.

“I’m trying to find more books by Jack Pendleton,” you muttered, sighing when nothing else came up. “I can’t find anything.”

“Why do you like that book so much, anyway?” You were far too into your laptop to hear the tremor in his voice.

“Because it was raw, and real, and it hurt my feelings.”

Oh, and it had. Bucky witnessed the result of you finishing the book first hand. He walked in right as you got the first sob out and looked like he wanted to sink into the floor, but he came to you anyway. How were you supposed to know that the therapist, an equally important person in the main character’s life, was going to pass away not even days after he and Will got their happiness?

You remembered how he held you the whole time, and that for some reason, he whispered a very heartfelt, “I’m sorry.”

“If it hurt you so much, why would you want to read something by him again?”

“It was brilliant, that’s why, cowboy.” You said, looking up and pointing at him with your fancy little stylus. He broke out into a smile at the name, like he always did. You called him that one time because you caught him watching The Longest Ride, and it stuck.

There was a stretched, tense moment as the sound of your typing filled the room. “I don’t think he has anything else out right now, darlin’.”

“And how would you know, rancher?”

He gave you that same deer in headlights stare that he gave you when he first saw you in the hall, only less confused. Then he sighed. “What’s in a name, anyway?”

You rolled your eyes, but you both knew that you were on the edge of laughing. You could never be serious with him. He was just so full of light. “You’re not going to get me quoting Shakespeare right now, I just asked you a dire question.”

He inhaled deeply, his face already boasting a rich scarlet. “How would you feel if I told you that I wrote that book?”

Your world crumbled beneath your feet. You knew he wasn’t lying, because you knew that he had no reason to lie. His aversion to talking about Jack Pendleton and everything surrounding it made you believe what he told you right as you heard it. You gasped, and then saw him grimace. “Bucky, Jack stole your work?”

His face fell. “What?”

“Have you taken legal action yet?”

“No,” he said slowly, and then he took in another deep breath, preparing from something. “I don’t need to, because I am Jack.” He said slowly, a small and guarded smile resting on his face. You noticed that he looked the least comfortable you had ever seen him. “It’s a pen name.”

Different kinds of humiliation were coming in large, mean waves, and you bit your lip to prevent from talking. You had really gushed over a book right in front of the author the whole time? It was so horrible and embarrassing that you couldn’t even stop thinking about it. You felt like an idiot. “Why didn’t you tell me to stop talking?”

There was a quick, hesitant intake of breath between the both of you. “Because I don’t want anyone that I know in real life to know about that.”

You froze. There was no way that he was implying that what was in the book actually happened, right?

He took off both of his gloves, and beneath one of them was a silver appendage, very clearly a prosthetic. He was breathing heavily, like he had just lifted a weight off of his chest that was double his own size. You looked at it with a wild expression of your own, trying to make sense of what was happening.

“Almost everything in that book really happened.” You closed your mouth. “Some things are exaggerated, but nearly everything happened. Elijah is based off of me.”

Oh, fuck. That meant that he was actually bisexual, that he actually fell in love with his best friend, that he actually got his arm amputated after getting a grenade launched at him. His therapist actually died. You had no idea what to say. “I’m so sorry.”

“The main thing that didn’t really happen was the semi-happy ending for Elijah and Will. He and I broke up years ago. This all happened years ago.” Your heart broke again for him. “I put it under a fake name because it’s something very personal to me, but I felt like it should have been shared. Thought that it would maybe help some other kid who was going through it.”

You knew exactly what it was. You had gone through it yourself. If you had read the book when you were much younger, you were sure that you would have been able to find some sort of peace in the turmoil that you caused yourself. Now, you were much better, and you loved the fact that you were part of the LGBT community, but that didn’t mean that the book didn’t mean something to you.

The book was so raw that you should have known that it was real. There wasn’t a word that didn’t mean something, not a sentence that wasn’t thought out. It was such heavy material with realistic ups and down that you caught yourself relating with Elijah, not knowing that the real “Elijah” was right in front of you the whole time.

“But, um, I write science fiction under my real name, though.” You were too busy thinking about how you gushed about someone’s actual life story, and how that someone just so happened to be your super cute neighbor that you fell in love with. You gushed about his terribly sad life story right in front of him. “That’s why I’m always inside. I’m a hermit writer.”

You didn’t even get into the science fiction aspect of the conversation. “I would have never read it in front of you or talked about it in front of you if I knew that, I swear.”

“I know.” He slowly took his jacket off, and then you were seeing his arms in all their glory. It truly was a beautiful prosthetic, and from how much he used his hands, you knew that it was reliable and practical. “I just needed to tell you that.”

You could sense his unease, and it made you feel wrong. It felt like you were taking steps back. “If this is about you being bisexual, I don’t care about that. That would never bother me.”

For the first time since his confession, there was a ghost of a smile on his face. “I know. And I know you are, too.”

“Really?”

“I’ve seen the bookshelf in your room. No straight person reads that many books written by and for the community. And you cuff some of your jeans.” You shrugged, a small smirk on your face. He got you there. “I need to tell you something else.”

You didn’t know if you were ready for it, but if he was, then there was no way that you were going to stop him. “Of course, go ahead.”

“First, I should start off with telling you again that all of that,” he pointed towards her computer, “was about eleven years ago. I’m not healing, not recovering, none of that. Yeah, I’m sad about my therapist every once in a while, but I don’t feel anything for the man that Will is based off of anymore. That’s all gone.”

You swore at yourself for feeling butterflies of hope. You squashed them all down and made yourself pay full attention to Bucky, even though your mind was starting to have stupid little fantasies about picnic and stargazing with him. This is what you got for reading romance novels. “Okay, Buck.”

“I’m telling you all of this because I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with you.” Your mouth hung open, and before you could even get a word out, he was all over it again. “I have been for a while now, and I think now is the best time to tell you.” There was a pause for you to cut in, but you couldn’t form a word. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way or if you’re weirded out by my story-”

“I love you too.” You blurted, watching his face become shocked. “I’ve been dying to tell you that, you know?”

He sputtered, trying his hardest to form a coherent sentence. “Now I know.”

You felt a smile slide onto your face as both of your racing hearts stilled to a normal, content rate. In that moment, you swore that if someone came and checked, that your heartbeats were alternating, taking energy from each other to make one long beat. You just, clicked.

“It- none of that bothers you at all?”

“If anything, I feel bad. I feel like I intruded.”

He scoffed. “You didn’t intrude, Y/N, I’m the one who published it.”

“I’m going to hug you now,” you warned, and then you two met each other half way. Your face was in his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. You smiled when you felt him gently brush your forehead with his lips, and all felt right.

You stood there together for what felt like forever but two seconds all the same, swaying a bit subconsciously. “Are you- are you sure about being okay with all of this? I know it’s a lot. And I just kind of sprung it on you.”

There he was. The shy Bucky. You knew that he could be insecure, and you knew that he was insecure about being that way. But luckily, you felt for him so much that you could assure him for the rest of both of your days with no complaints. If it took a thousand times a day for Bucky Barnes to know that you loved him and Jack Pendleton and Elijah Harris, you would do it two thousand times.

“Out of all the books in the store, I unknowingly chose yours.” Your voice was shaky, but you meant every word you said and were about to say. “And out of all the people in the world, I intentionally, without doubt choose you.”

***

If someone had asked you three years ago where you thought you were going to be in life in the same amount of time, you would have told them that you were probably still going to be working in retail. That wasn’t the case at all.

Your mother gave you a loan when Bucky persuaded you to take your talent and passion for cooking and turn it into a business. You had a medium sized restaurant that you let your mother in on, and you cooked side by side often times. It felt just like it did when you were back in the kitchen of your childhood home, but now you were getting paid for it, quite a bit.

Across the street from your restaurant was a bookstore that held a number of books that were written by Bucky yourself, but your favorite by far was the cook book that was technically a baking book, full of all of the recipes that he felt like giving away.

You didn’t expect any of that to happen within three years, at all. But what you hoped to happen most of all did, and it was proven by the simple diamond on your finger that Bucky had given you. You wanted him to think that you were surprised when he popped the question, but you weren’t.

After all, you could see the outline of the box that he carried for three weeks straight.

#bucky barnes #bucky fluff #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #my fics #bucky one shot

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avenger-hawk · 3 years

Note

Why do you like Kakasasu?

I waited to reply to this because I wanted to be sure it wasn’t a troll and it wasn’t a drama starting attempt (like this or this, gems found in the sasuke/KS tag) since it’s a subject I am very interested in.

I replied to Kakashi/Sasuke related asks, shippy or not shippy, here, here and here. More about them here, here and here. Put yourself comfortable cause this is gonna be long. Not putting it under a readmore cause I remember ppl complaining they coulnd’t open it on mobile phones (?). Also, moralists who are lurking: don’t interact, get out of my blog. Youll be blocked on sight.

When I started reading N*ruto I was into Bleach a lot, and the fact that the characters were a little older and looked older made me not get into Nar that much at first, because they looked like kiddies lol. I didn’t care about Nar as a character and his initial rivalry with Sas was cute but not enough to get me interested. Only when Kakashi got closer to Sasuke I started being veery interested in the story and in the characters. What I found intriguing was that Kakashi was older and an authority figure, but also someone to look up and who helped his students, BUT at the same time he wasn’t exactly a father-like figure or a big brother-like figure, because he had his dark side, that back then wasn’t well flashed out but that nevertheless showed a closed-off person who kept everything inside, not letting others get too close to him.

(then I started liking N*rusasu mostly because there were so many cool doujinshi especially Emi10/Rankai and Engawaken, while KS doujinshi were so meh, kinda in old yaoi style like Loveless, with tiny Sas who looked even younger hahaha, not my thing)

As those who know my blog and/or my writing know already, I am not interested in healthy, cute, positive dynamics in fiction. I might enjoy them, I might be happy when there are such moments, but I can’t like a whole relationship/dynamic/story only like this because I like to explore complicated ones in fiction.Because fiction is very useful for this, it makes you explore dark, taboo things, without affecting reality (no matter what idiots say), it’s cathartic, it’s a way to do, see, experience things without doing anything.

Back to topic tho, I found their initial dynamic very intriguing. A broken, traumatized yet extremely driven Sasuke, acting as confident and strong as he can, but showing his trauma in various occasions, otherwise being mostly aloof, lost in his own thoughts, and a differently broken Kakashi, acting chill but at the same time always ready to act when needed, yet always kinda distracted, aloof, lost in his owh thoughts (and later we’ll know he took Obito’s mannerisms because he was a stickler to rules). The way Kakashi takes a special interest for Sasuke, clearly the most driven, the best of the team, with whom he holds back much less (when he trains them, like when in the beginning, during the bell test, he fights with Sas and seeing that he almost took it, he overpowers him) while he is different with the others (Nar will have Jiraiya later). The way he protects Sasuke during the chuunin exams, while he’s in the hospital and Kabuto is trying to kill him.

Mostly, the controversial moments...like I said I live for these kind of things. where he both protects and threatens him...like when he does that seal to Sasuke, for his curse mark, and he tells him that if that curse mark takes over he’ll kill him. Or when he ties Sasuke up so he won’t join Orochimaru.

Before someone says bs like *you’re not Sas fan if you like that scene* (I know there are many like this and I want all of them out of my blog btw) uh, it’s not how it works guys. You can support a character and still be intrigued by scenes where said character is tied up/in a forcibly submitted position and so on. Guess what, some of those scenes are made for fanservice even (and Sas has many of these, so if you don’t see the appeal/refuse to admit that there is appeal, it’s you who have a problem). So even tho I disagree with Kakashi not wanting to listen to Sasuke’s reasons for revenge (and later supporting SHikamaru’s, I replied to this in one of the asks I linked) I do find that scene interesting...I mean Sasuke tied up in a very suggestive way and yet defying him and threatening to kill his loved ones and Kakashi opening up in a very weird way vaguely replying that he lost those ppl already? It shows a lot about them, their personalities, everything.

I am sticking to part 1 because there are more meaningful interactions between them, I wished there were more in part 2 but kishi shifted Kakashi’s ‘interest’ to Nar, making him one of Nar’s followers...even so, the intractions they had were very interesting. Their fight after Sasuke fights Danzo is one of my fave moments in the whole story tbh, much more than the later confrontation with Nar. Kakashi for the first time has an inner only, yet strong, emotional reaction, having to fight and supposedly kill his former student who became a rogue with a death sentence on his head...he realizes this is how Hiruzen felt against Orochimaru. It’s a strong realization from someone like him who was always so closed off and aloof that he totally lacked empathy.

On the other hand Sasuke is in a different mindset. He’s sort of high for having succeeded in eliminating the one who made Itachi suffer so much, he’s thinking about killing the elders and destroy the village, so he’s basically lost in the recent past of Danzo’s death and in the future plans he’s making, he’s not in the present moment almost...but he has to fight anyway, and it’s a cool fight, also because he’s weakened already and Kakashi is strong...and then he gets blind, totally, and it’s an amazingly intriguing moment, the kind of controversial stuff I’m interested in, because that’s when he could be totally overpowered by Kakashi, if the story didn’t have other priorities (putting Nar in the center of attention with their confrontation).

Their later moments, like during the war, are meh cause the interest shifted already completely, but their moments in jail (anime only ofc) and their Shinden interactions (only through messages) are interesting to me. Very much so, because they show power dynamics very well, with Kakashi as THE authority and Sasuke as the one submitted. In jail it’s even more evident with him looking down at the younger tied up and blindfolded...like, wow. It’s like fanfiction material (in fact I wrote one (ff.net/a03) and there was the coolest fanart inspired by it! here..there were more but this came on my dash today so).

You mentioned power dynamics...their dynamics are all power dynamics because Kakashi was never at Sasuke’s same level and he never acted like he was, and when Sasuke was stronger, during the war, they basically didn’t interact, and when the war was over and Sasuke was brainwashed and tamed into submission the power dynamic remained the same.

The difference imo between them and other power dynamics based pairings is that they are closer than what could be defined rare pairings such as Obito (they had a very interesting one tho, if only it was developed), Madara (the story was already developed in a pro Konoha-anti Uchiha way but it would have been so cool to have the 2 Uchiha interact more), or other older and stronger characters, so the dynamic could be written in a cool way in a fanfiction but in canon Kakashi created it already. So, while I can imagine something like Shisui/Sasuke, Obisasu or more, in my head, and I can come up with some AU or canon divergent/canon behind the screen (like when Sas stayed with Obito after the transplant), Kakashi and Sasuke had canon interactions that showed power dynamics already.

(Then there is Itasasu, which is a huge power dynamic based relationship, that also had amazingly strong feelings though, and those who know me know that for me Itachi will always be Sasuke’s most loved person, and that he was the same for Itachi. So ofc imo IS is a much stronger bond compared to KS but still. Also I remember in the beginning how many fics I read where Itachi was abusive to Sas and Kakashi stepped in lol. And it’s not a mystery that even though I think the IS bond is the strongest I find other pairings and character dynamics very interesting, so much that I like to explore them even more than IS, which, imo, is almost a given fact so I don’t always feel the need to explore it)

Another thing I find intriguing is that Kakashi always saw Sas at his ‘worst’...in Konoha’s terms I mean. When he wanted revenge in pt 1, after he killed Danzo and he was weak and so desperate and hysterical that they thought he got crazy, when he was jailed. It’s a big power he has, to be able to see someone like this.

Tbh it’s a pity that there were no post war moments (B*ruto shit doesn’t count) where they interact ‘normally’ cause I would have liked to see them, both as normal interactions where they get closer again, now that Sas is older, where they train and they get physical (and Kakashi has a lot of repressed anger, jealousy and possessiveness to let out on the one who betrayed his sensei and went to another...not my opinion but it could be Kakashi’s pov) because I think power dynamic would come up a lot, even from apparently cute moments.

I’ll end this super long essay hoping that you didn’t fall asleep lol, and adding that Kakasasu was the first Nar pairing I shipped, which it speaks a lot about why I get so irritated when someone mentions it negatively.

#kakasasu #unfollow me or block me if this bothers you #even tho I want to be the one blocking you guys who have something to say against this #vivalarevolution #vivalarevolution: bonds

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appleinducedsleep · 3 years

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Never Let Me Go discussion @readerbookclub

Never Let Me Go is a 2005 dystopian science fiction novel written by Kazuo Ishiguro. The story is narrated by Kathy H., who describes herself as a carer (and has been for twelve years), talking about looking after organ donors. Her story often returns to Hailsham, a boarding school in England, where she grew up with her friends and where the teachers are known as guardians.

Review: 🌟🌟🌟 I liked the writing style, the first person narrative really worked in this story. It might not be everyone's cup of tea though. The theme is interesting enough, but the universe itself is underdeveloped and you finish this book with more questions than answers.

Next up *spoilers* :

For our March book club book, a new set of questions was provided by @readerbookclub (thank you!)

Is this a book you would have otherwise read? If not, are you more open to similar books in the future? Are dystopian novels something you typically enjoy? How would you say this book compares to other dystopian literature?

I do like dystopian stories, though I don’t read them regularly and it’s pretty much all YA or George Orwell books. Maybe that’s why the stories I read were more about changing the established order. This story was not about changing anything, it was bleak and passive and nostalgic about it.

Other people already pointed out how frustrating this mind-set is, and I absolutely agree. Perhaps because the big scandal that rocked the country wasn’t even about clones rebelling, but about genetics being used to make super-humans. The clones themselves were an after-thought, not even considered human anyway.

If you had to describe this book in three words, what would they be?

Passive, tragic, trapped.

Do you think the donors are a metaphor for something in the real world?

According to the interview, they aren’t. It’s about love, friendship and mortality. It’s easy to put some sort of meaning into it though. Whether it be organ donations or a religious theme. But it’s not. More the pity. Yet it was obvious that the universe wasn’t really thought out. It didn’t seem to extend beyond Hailsham and England, and even the way the donations worked was kept vague but inescapable.

Did the story play out in the way you expected, or did it surprise you? Which scene stood out most to you? Why?

So I actually had read this book before, but didn’t remember it. The first chapter already was familiar enough though. The more I read, the more I already knew how all the big plot points would play out. Still I wanted that referral to work out... and even that dream, the referral itself, would have bought Kathy and Tommy only three or four years. That’s how little they allowed themselves to hope.

That said, several scenes were pretty heart-wrenching and memorable, I’m picking three:

1) Ruth not knowing how to play chess, pretending she did, and then freezing Kathy out when Kathy asked her to teach her (p.53), was not even the first red flag, but it was significant. How different would Kathy’s life at Hailsham been had she struck up a friendship with Moira right there and then, instead of living for Ruth’s approval. I thought that really reflected childhood friendship though.

2) Tommy catching Kathy looking at porn mags (p.134), and realizing it went much, much deeper, though the truth wouldn’t come out until the Norfolk trip, where they would find the lost cassette (which was also memorable). Tommy was so underappreciated in this book.

3) But the moment on page 264, just suckerpunched me; Miss Emily, this fighter in the trenches, said:

“Make no mistake about it, my child, Marie-Claude is on your side and will always be on your side. Is she afraid of you? We’re all afraid of you. I myself had to fight back my dread of you all almost everyday I was at Hailsham. There were times I’d look down at you all from my study window and I’d feel such revulsion...” She stopped, then something in her eyes flashed again. “But I was determined not to let such feelings stop me doing what was right. I fought those feelings and I won. Now, if you’d be so good as to help me out of here, George should be waiting with my crutches.”

What a hero, indeed. Where do you go from there? Even your fiercest supporter flinches back from your existence.

And how does that make sense in the narrative... why prove these children have a soul at all, if you think them so unnatural? How can you say this to your two former charges, who you watched grow up, whose art you took, and comforted when they couldn’t produce any? Who exactly is the real monster here?

What did you think of the authors style? Have you read any of their books before? Would you read their work in the future? How did you feel about Kathy as a narrator? Do you think first person narration suited this story?

The author had a way of making the horrible absolutely mundane. There was almost more emphasis on the teenage squabbles than on the organ donation. It makes sense, the writer said this story was supposed to be about love, friendship and mortality, and there was something unsettling about this creeping horror in the background.

While I mostly enjoyed Kathy’s way of narrating, sometimes it jumped around a lot. Like ‘to understand [this moment], we have to go back to [some other moment]’. Sometimes I just wanted to understand the story about the vegetable patch without jumping through three memory hoops.

@elfspectations also talked about how Tommy would be an interesting narrator, and while I don’t think this story would have lend itself to multiple narrators (I’m so glad there was just the one!), it’s an interesting thought.

Would you say the characters’ personalities changed throughout the story? If so, how did you feel about these changes? The characters were often unnecessarily mean in the way they talked to one another. Why do you think that is? Did this affect your sympathy for them?

Not until the actual donations, except for Tommy. Like Ruth suddenly became weak as a kitten, and Kathy felt bad for kicking her when she was down, but still ganged up on her with Tommy. Ruth was always the one that needed attention, the one who would lie and manipulate and wanted to be special. I can’t blame her exactly. Growing up with the knowledge that you’re just on earth to give away your organs... like I can’t blame Ruth for wanting some control in her life, for wanting to be special, to be singled out by a guardian. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but Tommy had his meltdowns (he developed as a character though, because he mostly grew out of this), while Ruth fiercely tried to cling to control, and Kathy found safety in being the objective observer. Still, Ruth is just unredeemable after she admitted to just wanting to keep Kathy and Tommy apart, cheating on Tommy and pretend Kathy was a freak for her sexual urges. She gave them Madam’s address, but too little, too late.

So for a book supposedly about friendship, I felt the friendships were actually pretty terrible. Tommy was often the butt of the joke, even by Kathy. Something that should have been innocent teasing, often didn’t feel that way. Still, Kathy and Tommy’s friendship was the one positive note in this whole book.

If you could ask the writer a question, what would it be?

However did Ruth and Tommy end up together? I want that scene, because their relationship didn’t make any sense to me. Ruth was, of course, a terrible, terrible friend, and wanted to keep Tommy away from Kathy, but this whole thing just baffled me anyway. Everyone deserved better (and with everyone I only mean the clones).

#readerbookclub #books #booklr #never let me go #kazuo ishiguro #miss emily can go to hell #book photography #quotes #my books #never let me go discussion #book discussion

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asphyxiateher · 3 years

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Only Monsters Come Out at Night

Chapter 5: I’ll Tell You My Sins So You Can Sharpen Your Knife

Summary: Desdemona is slowly losing herself but survival is still critical, especially when she must spend time with Daniela alone. A/N: Thank you all for the support, I’ve been busy with work but this story in my head needs to be written so I can get it out of my system. lol I’ll polish and edit this when I can. :)

To say the previous night was eventful would be an understatement but to Cassandra’s credit, she did not push for more than what Desdemona was willing to give. Now, Desdemona wasn’t saying that Cassandra was gentle or pleasant when she declined engaging in more intimate activities, but Cassandra understood the meaning of “no” and backed off in exchange for learning more about Desdemona. The smaller girl thought she was being clever by saying she would only get physical with her if they took the time to get to know each other better first and she was surprised when Cassandra reluctantly agreed. Des introduced Cassandra to the laptop she had brought with her on their trip and the woman was in absolute awe of the power of modern-day technology. She had begun explaining about what movies were and what she currently had downloaded onto her pc when Cassandra astonished Desdemona with a personal question.

“What brought you all the way out here in the first place anyway, Little One? Don’t get me wrong, you’re the most fascinating group of visitors we’ve had in such a long time, but for a pretty face like you to be stranded out here on your own with me? Seems foolish.” Cassandra asked as she lay on the bed next to Desdemona who suddenly snapped her laptop shut.

“Desmond and I graduated from college and we had money saved up to go embark on what was supposed to be a memorable adventure. I’ve always been into horror and science fiction movies as well as novels and comic books so I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to tour the castle that inspired Bram Stoker’s Dracula, one of my favorite classics. Look how well that turned out.” Desdemona says bitterly, nervously fiddling with her fingers.

Cassandra attempted to reach out and wrap her fingers around Desdemona’s hand, but she became hesitant and pulled back instead as if she were unsure if the gesture would be welcome.

“Your brother is dead. That is something we cannot undo but I understand your anger. Bela and Daniela are trying at times, but I do love them more than anything really. I have the power to kill at will and I will not falter should anything happen to my dear sisters. You, on the other hand, are persevering in a way that’s admirable, Desdemona. You are innocent and you want to survive. You are stronger for that more than you’ll ever know.” Cassandra tells her quietly, her teeth wedged between her lips as though she may have said too much to her human plaything.

Desdemona was taken aback by what Cassandra had said and it must have shown on her face because Cassandra suddenly looked irritated with how deep the conversation was going.

“If you are not going to allow me the pleasures of your flesh, then allow me to drink from you as I’m quite parched!” She snarled before she pounced on top of Desdemona, her razor-sharp teeth flashing dangerously. One minute, she’s howling in pain the moment Cassandra pierces through her skin and begins drinking her blood and the very next, she passes out from the blood loss while still laying underneath the ill-tempered vampire. She sleeps for a few hours, only stirring awake when she feels a comfortable presence beside her. She groggily opens her eyes only to find Veronica staring at her, concern clearly etched on her face.

“Shh, shh hey, you’re okay now, Dezzy. C’mere, let me take a look at you. You were tossing and turning the whole time after they brought you back down here. I don’t know what they did to you, but we can switch places if you’d like. I think Lady Dimitrescu might take a liking to you.” Veronica says jokingly as she runs shaky fingers through Desdemona’s tangled locks.

Desdemona sighs at the contact and smiles at her best friend’s attempt to soothe her.

“That’s funny, V. Not sure I fancy calling my dentist and canceling all future appointments ‘cause I found a titan of woman with big tits to pull all my teeth for me. Nah, I think I’ll stick to reluctantly donating my blood to three horny vampire women, thank you very much.” Desdemona scoffs out a laugh when Veronica playfully swats at her arm.

“Fuck off, it was only a few teeth and yeah, that crazy bitch has got fists the size of hams so of course she can knock them straight out of me!” Veronica exclaimed. “Ugh. I’ll be honest though Des, I’m scared. Not for me ‘cause I know what’s coming if I keep putting up a fight, but I’m scared for you.” She continues, her voice now a whisper as she lays down on the cold hard stone floor and placing her hand on top of Desdemona’s.

“I’m scared for both of us. Why aren’t you more worried about you?” Desdemona squeezes her best friend’s hand and rests her head against Veronica’s shoulder.

“You’re being forced to entertain three vampires who could bleed you dry the way Elizabeth Bathory did her victims. The way they manhandle you and take occasional sips from you is fucking horrific! I don’t understand how you’re not freaking out over it.” Veronica licks her chapped lips and glances back at Desdemona. “These could be our very last moments alive together. I need you to promise me that you will look for weaknesses that we can use against them. Fight for your right to live, babes, fight for Desmond the way he would have wanted us to. We can’t keep taking what they’re giving us, it will kill us.”

Deep down, Desdemona knew her best friend was right but how could she expect her to put up a fight against three undead creatures that can transform into a massive ball of insects at any given time? She felt so helpless and utterly alone in the way that made her feel insignificant next to her best friend. Veronica was fearless in the face of death and Desdemona felt like a coward. She wanted to survive this ordeal so badly, she practically groveled in submission to be spared from any form of punishment and observing the bruises and cuts along on V’s skin, she felt so incredibly guilty for not putting up a hard enough fight.

“V, I don’t know how to explain it. I want to get out of here as much as you do, but as soon as my mind tells me to do something logical, I do the exact opposite. It’s like I do not want any of Alcina’s daughters to hate me, so I go out of my way to please them. It’s driving me crazy, and I don’t know if I’m just weak willed when it comes to them but fuck it…I just don’t want to die.” Desdemona admits, turning her head to face Veronica who meets her gaze at the same time.

“Nothing wrong with wanting to live a little longer but don’t throw away your dignity for these monsters who don’t give a flying fuck about you. From what the countess herself has said about her daughters is that they entertain whatever pretty little maiden comes their way for a minute before they get bored and eat their corpse when they’re done. Don’t let them belittle you, use you, and kill you when you’re worth more than you’ll ever know.” Veronica tells her before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. Feeling renewed, Desdemona continues to enjoy the few moments of peace with her best friend before they hear the dreaded sound of heels clicking in the dungeon.

“Well, cur, you know what it’s time for and you’ll be delighted to know I have so many wonderful things to show you. Get up, and brace yourself because after this, I guarantee you that you will not be the same after today.” Alcina declares as she unlocks the chamber door to their room.

Veronica grudgingly sits up and sighs, squeezing Desdemona’s hands one last time before standing. “Alcina, what a lovely surprise. I was just beginning to miss you, my lady. Oh, how I’ve been withering away down here knowing that I’ve gone a day without a beating. Thank you oh so much for finally blessing us with your presence.” Veronica says with a smirk only for it to be smacked off her face a second later.

“Silence, heathen! You will speak only when spoken to. For now, you will only be required to observe and shadow a maiden I no longer have use for. As for you, Desdemona, Daniela will be waiting in the library. Do not keep her waiting, dear.” Alcina says ominously, a chill running down Desdemona’s spine at the mere mention of her youngest daughter’s name.

Veronica casts her a fleeting sympathetic look before they both follow Lady Dimitrescu out of the cellar. Once they had gone their separate ways, Desdemona’s anxiety climbed to seemingly immeasurable heights. She came out of her previous encounters with lady Dimitrescu’s other daughters alive so that was good, but what of Daniela? She already gave off the impression that she was delusional and violent when provoked so Desdemona’s chance of survival at this rate was questionable at best.

When Desdemona arrived in front of the entrance to the library, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself. After a few more minutes of contemplating whether she should enter Daniela’s realm, she makes up her mind and crosses the threshold. Her jaw drops at the magnificent sight behold her. She’s in a vast circular room that is surrounded by sumptuous bookshelves and brilliant décor that has her almost envying the fact that this space belonged to someone like Daniela.

“Are you looking for me, darling? Come play with me, I’ll let you live in the meantime.” A shrill voice from behind one of the bookcases catches Desdemona off guard and she nearly trips over herself when she turns to find Daniela quickly approaching her.

“H-hi Daniela, I came to s-see you. How are you doing?” Desdemona asks as she continues to back away from the dangerous woman staring at her with the unmistakable look of hunger in her eyes. Daniela laughs uncontrollably and covers her mouth when she’s done. The red headed woman gives Desdemona an agonizingly slow once-over and licks her lips as though she were feeling ravenous at the sight.

“You’re so sweet to ask. You must have fallen hard for me, but you shouldn’t be surprised; everyone falls for me in time.” Daniela says in an almost sickeningly sweet voice. ‘Ok, so this fucking lunatic thinks you’re in love with her. Good, maybe she’d be less inclined to kill you.’ Desdemona thinks to herself, her back now pressed against a polished marble column.

“Y-yeah, I wanted to see you but only if you weren’t busy. I just thought you could use some company.” Des replies. This pleases Daniela immensely, so she takes a step closer to inhale the other girl’s scent. She was terrified and her blood smelled so delicious because of it. She needed to taste her, absorb everything that was Desdemona and revel in the symphony of her screams when she was done with her.

“I could always use company, especially yours, my love. A few moments ago, I would have been just fine snuggling by the fireplace and having you read with me. Now that you’re here smelling quite tasty, there’s something else I want.” She says with a giggle before instantly making moves so that she was now only a few inches apart from Desdemona’s face.

Desdemona gasps when Daniela reveals her hidden sickle and suddenly tears a long cut through her shirt and pants. Moaning in ecstasy, Daniela begins to pick apart her torn clothing and caresses the smooth expanse of skin that was exposed to her. Desdemona shuts her eyes and turns her head to the side when the other woman lunges at her with an open mouth.

“Ugh, why are you rejecting me? Don’t you love me? Apologize at once and I’ll forgive you. Everybody makes mistakes.” Daniela whispers in a low, threatening tone. Desdemona feels tears begin to form when Daniela lowers her head and begins to suck and gently nibble on her neck. Veronica’s words come to mind about not putting up with whatever form of abuse they were going to give and she tries to summon every ounce of bravery she could muster. She pushes hard against Daniela and frees herself from her grasp. She twists and begins running in the other direction, not looking back at the crazed woman shrieking at her.

“Why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me!” Desdemona was about to reach the doorway that led out of the library when a massive ball of insects appeared before her. She wasn’t able to react quickly enough so when she tried to turn again, she felt Daniela pounce on her from behind, tackling her to the floor. There was no use struggling against the immortal creature that perched herself on top of her so when Daniela forcefully flipped her onto her back, Desdemona saw her life flash before her eyes the moment Daniela raised her sickle, as if she were ready to swing at her. The logical part of her brain wanted this to end quickly, to spare herself from further embarrassment every time she pleaded for her life. But then there were dark whispers from an unknown entity, her broken survival instincts or those pesky intrusive thoughts perhaps, that were telling her to kiss Daniela in order to calm her down. She doesn’t know why or how it makes perfect sense but it does; Desdemona could either choose to die on her own terms or she could appease this goddess before her and worship her.

‘Where the hell are those thoughts coming from and why do I have a sudden urge to kiss Daniela? Gods help me.’ The frantic thoughts are the last to cross her mind as Desdemona leans up and yanks Daniela close to her level by her pendant.

Daniela’s eyes widen in surprise when she feels Desdemona’s lips press themselves against hers. After a few tense moments of not receiving the response she was hoping for, Desdemona begins pulling away but then she’s pulled back into a more frenzied, intense kiss. Daniela sighs against her mouth, her sickle dropping and causing the sound of metal clanging against the floor to echo in the room. When the need for air becomes too great for the smaller girl, she gently breaks the kiss and Daniela is suddenly looking at her with hooded eyes, desire visible in those beautiful golden hued orbs of hers. “Why did you run away from me? I hate it when my pretty playthings run away from me.” Daniela asks softly, the delicate tone in her voice surprising the both of them.

Desdemona’s voice wavers when she speaks, but she steadies herself by cautiously wrapping an arm around Daniela’s neck. She doesn’t know why she’s actively reaching out to touch the dangerous red-headed woman, she can’t explain why she’s craving for more contact, but she does and it’s scary as hell. “B-because I don’t want my f-first time with anyone to be meaningless. I’ve n-never gotten this close with anyone before and…I want it to be special. Call me old fashioned, but I’d rather you slit my throat right now before I give myself to you. I need to know you on a deeper level.” Desdemona’s cheeks are flushed a deep crimson color as she admits this, not knowing why she’s opening herself up like this to Daniela but those darker thoughts that linger somewhere in her mind are praising her.

Daniela takes a sharp breath in response to Desdemona’s words and quirks an eyebrow at the smaller girl. She was completely stunned by the revelation.

“Wait, you’re running away from me because you haven’t…not with anyone else before?” Daniela asked carefully.

Desdemona nods, wondering why this would matter to her at all. Daniela was going to slit her throat for wasting her time and-

“Oh Desdemona, why didn’t you tell me sooner? I didn’t mean to make you so nervous! Don’t get me wrong, I’m disappointed that I don’t get to make you mine tonight but I’m willing to wait for you. You’re my soulmate and if you want to get to know me before we get close, then we’ll do just that.” Daniela says, her voice huskier now than it was a moment ago. She reaches in between their pressed bodies and lowers her hand so now that her fingers were skimming along smooth skin until Daniela reaches Desdemona’s underwear.

Underneath Daniela’s fierce, lust filled gaze, Desdemona moans into the other woman’s ear when she feels Daniela cup her womanhood possessively. This prompted Daniela to capture Desdemona’s lips in a ravenous kiss that left her feeling both thirsty and wanting more. The smaller girl, on the other hand, was quickly losing herself in the kiss, not understanding why the dark voices in her head were pressing her to do more. She couldn’t hear Veronica’s words of warning but instead sinister whispers that poisoned her thoughts. Desdemona was almost fully convinced to give herself to Daniela in that moment but then she remembers the conversation she had with her best friend earlier. This was all about survival, that’s all this should be about. She should not be indulging herself like this with these…creatures. ‘Your masters. Address them appropriately.’ The wicked voice in her head is not her own. Alarmed, Desdemona breaks the kiss with Daniela, who dives in again to lick Desdemona’s lips.

“Mmm, judging by the way you kissed me, you want me to be your first, don’t you? I can wait for you darling, but only if you promise that when you’re ready, you’ll come find me. Not Bela, not Cassandra nor my beautiful mother. I want to be the one to break you in. My sisters always get what they want but this, I want this more than anything. Pledge yourself to me.” Daniela murmurs darkly, her teeth gently nibbling on Desdemona’s earlobe.

Desdemona wants to shove her off and run away again while she has the chance. She wants to take Veronica’s hand and escape Castle Dimitrescu together. She just wants to go home, mourn her twin brother with her family and be somewhere safe and quiet and away from all of this.

Instead, Desdemona smiles at Daniela and tucks a few stray strands of red hair behind her ear. It was adorable how Daniela quickly leaned into the touch, a smile of her own gracing blood smeared lips.

“I’m yours, completely. I’ll take good care of you if you promise to do the same to me.” Desdemona says, her voice not following what her brain was trying to command her to say. ‘Kick, scream, run! Don’t let them control you, don’t let them compel you to do anything you don’t want to do –‘ ‘Obey. Listen to your masters, they own you and your body. You are theirs to do as they wish. You belong to them and nobody else. Do not disobey or you will be punished.’

There it was again, the sinister voice that did not belong to her and it was overwhelming.

Whatever rational thoughts Desdemona had as she continued to embrace Daniela in her arms had left. The last thing Desdemona remembers thinking about before she got up to join Daniela in her favorite corner to read was how much darker and menacing the bruises and hickeys all three sisters left on her skin were starting to look. They were deep red and purple, black spider veins were also beginning to sprout and spread throughout her body.

Were Lady Dimitrescu’s daughters subtly infecting her with some kind of disease or were they creating a bond with her every time they bit and clawed at her? Desdemona’s thoughts lingered on the last part before she uncharacteristically ignored what had just transpired between Daniela and herself. Ties had been indeed created but what Desdemona can’t help but wonder what the cost to sharing a dangerous bond with all three women was? She doesn’t think on it much longer as she’s seated on Daniela’s favorite couch and Daniela rests her head on Desdemona’s lap, a chosen book for her to read aloud in hand. Her mind is placated and the desire to please her Mistress takes over. Nothing else mattered anymore.

#only monsters come out at night #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #RE8 Village #Lady Dimitrescu's daughters #Alcina Dimitrescu #Lady Dimitrescu #Lady Dimitrescu's daughters x ofc #Bela Dimitrescu #Bela Dimitrescu x OFC #Cassandra Dimitrescu #Cassandra Dimitrescu x OFC #daniela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu x ofc #mine #chapter update

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star-killer-md · 4 years

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Dream A little Dream of Me Pt. 7

Welp. It’s been uh, a long fucking time. My only excuse is college is hard and also I’m lazy. Anyway, here she be. Thank you to everyone who continues to read this cause I need it to exit my brain and it’s incredibly nice to not just like, scream Kylo porn into the void.

I hope y’all enjoy and feel free to leave me a comment or reblog or dm if you are so inclined.

AO3 mirror

Part 8

Warnings: Inappropriate use of the Force, Force sex, angst, nsfw, y’all know the drill

Summary: In which answers are found.

Ship: Kylo Ren x Negotiator!Reader

Word Count: 6.6k

The room smelled too sweet, the kind that lodged under your tongue and ached in your jaw. It made you long for the silence of your seaside room, made you strangely thankful that Kylo Ren often never filled it. But only for a minute. Because thinking of him reminded you of how you’d woken to an empty bed and cold, damp sheets and that you were certainly not thankful for.

Meanwhile, Lem Alba seemed intrinsically compelled to do exactly the opposite.

In fact, once he’d guessed you wouldn’t chew his head off every time he opened his mouth, it never closed again. You weren’t entirely sure if this annoyed or pleased you. But when Lem came to your door and invited you to brunch before all campaign staff were carted off back to the Federal District, you agreed.

If only to avoid being left alone with your thoughts.

“Not to grandstand,” Lem babbled between sips of his drink, “but I often feel some of my skills are wasted working just as a personal aide.”

You glanced up from your plate and nodded, “I think most people in this profession tend to believe that. We’re all a bit insatiable.”

He chuckled, soft voice melding perfectly with the chatter and bustle of the surrounding tables. You couldn’t help but think that Lem fit in well here, as much as he tried to deny it. His edges blended seamlessly with the velvet and silk background. It reminded you of when he’d plucked you right out of the crowd your first night here.

“You First Order people have a way about you. Something in the way you stand a bit too straight.”

Something in the way you’re always waiting for the ball to drop.

“Yes well, I’m not gunning for a power grab,” Lem sighed and rolled his eyes.

He looked very much like a scorned child and you felt a twinge of remorse, “No, I didn’t think you were.”

“It’s alright,” he ran a hand through his neat hair and stared at you over the rim of his glass, “I just get so bored of it all sometimes.”

“Mm, me too,” you said around a bite of some extravagant concoction that dripped embarrassingly down your chin.

You thought of blood and saltwater rolling across your skin and quickly wiped it away with a napkin.

“Really? I wouldn’t have thought that would be an issue for someone in your position.”

You had to try very hard not to scoff out loud, settling for a disbelieving raise of your eyebrows. Piles of paperwork taller than the Commander filled your head, glowering officers and incessant incident reports—your life nothing more than a series of other people's mistakes that somehow became your fault. Grey walls and meetings that never ended.

Come to think of it, you’d been bored and tired and frustrated your whole life it seemed. Although, not so much anymore. Still just as exhausted and angry, but less like a pacing animal in a cage. The thought sat uncomfortably in your stomach as you wondered when exactly that had changed.

Of course you already knew the answer.

You always were attracted to things that kept you on your toes.

“Should we discuss this speech I’m supposed to be giving?” you asked.

If Lem noticed your less than subtle change in topic, he didn’t show it for which you were grateful.

“Certainly,” he gestured for you to continue.

“Well, I’ve had it outlined for quite awhile since the powers that be were oh-so specific about the subject matter,” you began, watching Lem grimace sympathetically.

“Yes, I believe I’m meant to collect a draft from you by the end of the week.”

The joints in your shoulders popped when you slumped forward, hanging your head against the weight of far too stringent deadlines.

“I’m well aware,” you sighed. “Normally I wouldn’t be so neglectful of the timeline, I’m just having a hard time...focusing.”

The barely concealed mark on the curve of your neck throbbed as you recalled the massive, decadently handsome distraction that consistently occupied your workspace. Really, how were you expected to get any quality content produced with that dark, looming shadow always poisoning your mind with questions and completely inappropriate fantasy.

Currently, your entire body seemed to constrict at the notion that it was no longer strictly a fantasy. Your muscles corded taught, pulling like a ruched seam and tugging painfully at the sinew. It felt almost as if you were a marionette with invisible strings controlled by equally invisible hands that tingled as they jerked you about. You got the distinct sensation that someone was watching you, but resisted the urge to turn and look.

Lem—completely oblivious to your inner turmoil—perked up and offered you a blindingly white grin full of ramrod straight teeth.

“I have an office I’m more than willing to loan out if you’d like to make use of it,” he said.

You considered the idea, chewing on your lip. Maybe getting lost in speech writing would be good, you thought. Something easy, something formulaic would do wonders for taking your mind off, well, everything.

“As long as you’re offering,” you flashed him a strained smile and went back to shuffling things around your plate.

Lem continued to spew an endless stream of comfortingly meaningless ramblings and you bathed in the sound of it, looking up occasionally to offer a hum of acknowledgement. You didn’t really care what he was saying—whether it was opinions for opening lines or who you should thank first or what color to wear that he thought would bring out your eyes—but you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a friendly conversation with...anyone.

So you let him talk, and nodded every once in a while and basked in the normalcy, the mundaneness of the scene. Until, of course, the peace was shattered when your server returned with a new cocktail for Lem, who promptly spilled it all over the table.

You watched it unfold like the audience of a holodrama: the waiter, tall with an abundance of black curls and long fingers extending the glass, their hands touching for just an instant, the scarlet blush that tinted Lem’s ears when he glanced at the man’s face and stared transfixed even as the drink spilled off the table and onto his slacks.

It felt very suddenly as if you were seeing something you shouldn’t be.

But the moment ended quickly and quietly, fizzling out with a whimper as the waiter with all his curly hair frantically mopped up the mess. His voice was low and pleasant when he apologized and rushed off to get another drink mixed.

For once, you had the urge to participate in the conversation.

“Who’s that?” you asked, flicking your eyes up briefly and then back down to the wet mark on the table cloth.

Lem shrugged and fiddled with the stain on his pants, “Nobody.”

And for once, it seemed, he had nothing else to say on the matter.

It was truly a challenge to keep the amused smile from splitting your cheeks as Lem so clearly tried and failed not to make a complete fool of himself every time said server returned to clear plates. And when a beautifully decorated fruit tart found its way to your table—decidedly marked as ‘on the house’—you were graced with an extraordinarily toothy, childish smile from your dining companion.

Your chest ached with it, the display of reality.

On your first night here, you’d thought Lem looked too much like all the other First Order officers you were forced to work with. Thought his hair was too perfect, his suit too pressed, words too cherry picked.

But here you were again, getting drawn in by these stupid, simple instances of existence in relation to others. You craved the feeling of fading into the background as Lem stuttered whenever he tried to thank the boy with his curls and warm smile.

It was strange too, to see that people truly did flush and brush hands and chew their lips and smile so freely. For whatever reason, you’d been under the distinct impression that was an exclusively fictional pursuit, saved for holofilms or storybooks.

Did those things exist in you? Were there times when you’d fluttered the way Lem did now, cautiously stealing bites of his tart, trying to preserve the delicate design for as long as possible? Or had they atrophied and fallen to dust from disuse, nothing more than a vestigial organ, unnecessary and forgotten—ready to pump your body full of toxins at a moment's notice should it burst.

And that only raised more questions. How incomplete had you been this whole time? How long had you been ignorant of your deficiency?

And did it matter?

But that was not something you could ever answer. So, you sat back and watched and listened and breathed it in.

Appreciated from afar this show of innocenceweakness.

You jolted in your seat, shoulders bunching together as if a hand had grabbed you from behind. The double voice rang out in your head, echoing up like it was shouted from the bottom of some pit inside you. You knew that voice though—would know it anywhere by now.

It was him, of course it was.

You could feel Kylo Ren like a shroud, a dampening of the outside world. When you listened closely, you swore you could hear the sound of crashing waves, the crunch of sand under boot heels. The smell of salt and skin and bloody water filled your nose. Your chest was burning, a prison for some roiling, angry creature that flung itself against the steel bars of your ribs.

His ribs.

His heartbeat, a pounding and ruthless tattoo.

His feet already moving in time to the beat, carrying him farther and farther—

Is it? you shouted back.

The words tore at your throat even as you sat in silence at the table. But no response came, instead the chatter of the dining room returned and Lem tilted his head in concern, standing and gathering you up by the arms.

He pulled you down the poshly ornamented halls, chattering still but shooting glances down more often with his brows furrowed. You let him lead you, thin arm looped around yours, back towards your quarters to ‘help you pack,’ he said. And you didn’t bother discouraging him.

You already knew the room would empty.

***

The meeting had been dragging on for quite nearly an hour already. You were seated at the far end of a comically long table staring off into oblivion, eyes having glazed over nearly ten minutes in when one of the relations staff started going on about color coordinating suits.

Although, you were not completely tuned out. It was very hard to be when just a few seats away sat the Representative himself with his grotesque excuse for an advisor positioned at his right hand. Fortunately he hadn’t spared you a glance, but it was a challenge not to keep one eye on him at all times—to not consistently feel your calves twitch, ready to bolt through the nearest exit.

You understood now what it must be like for all those prisoners sitting in the Finalizer’s belly—backed into the final corner, waiting for Kylo Ren to swoop in like a shadow and leave them flayed open to be tossed out with the rest of those who have outgrown their usefulness.

You’ve been trying not to think too specifically about...him since you’d returned to the Federal District, your room here just as empty as the one by the sea. His shirt, the one you’d stolen was still packed neatly into your bags. You thought about throwing it away, or tossing it in the corner for him to find. But then you remembered the bits of torn up packaging and lace and that you would not sink to that level. Physical reminders aside, your head had been blessedly—or maybe concerningly—devoid of any voices that were not your own since your, well, ‘fight’ you supposed was the word for it at brunch.

Then again, all you ever did with him was fight, but this felt different.

There were plenty of reasons for the Commander to be angry with you, in fact, you didn’t think there could ever be a shortage. However, this seemed just a little too...petulant for your liking.

You recalled some of Hux’s old rants. Generally, you’d just let him rave like you were just another piece of furniture in his office, stewing in the same hot, bubbling pot of indignation. You could hear him now:

“He’s a child, a sulking, immature youngling completely incapable of a single rational thought.”

And you finally understood what he meant.

If only you were allowed to use the silent treatment, but that seemed to be a privilege only for those higher up in the food chain.

Besides, you were far too classy for such elementary tactics.

You spat the last words and hoped to the stars that wherever the hell Ren had run off to, he heard them. Which one of you was the weak one now?

It was Lem who pulled you from the dark, brooding hole you’d dug yourself as he caught your eye from across the table. The speakers were switching, a half-hearted applause ringing out in the cavernous room and he flashed you a quick roll of his eyes. You bit back a smile at the way he jumped when Gahl turned to rattle off some inane order and Lem scrambled to take a note down.

Watching it reminded you of how he’d nearly leaped out of his suit when the waiter boy with curly hair brought by your plates. Jane was his name. You’d discovered it while Lem was helping you pack, happily filling the silence with how he was much too smart to be working as a server.

And as you thought, your traitorous mind led you inevitably back to the looming, black specter that haunted your every waking minute. You would be kidding yourself if you thought you could ever have given the Commander the cold shoulder when truly he was all you ever thought about. Even before, even if it was just to remember how much you despised him.

Past tense now, you noted worriedly. What a terrifying concept.

But your brain was moving quickly past that, tucking it away in some far, deep corner to only be touched on long nights when you were up far past the shift in day cycles.

Now it was replaying your brunch, closing up on a still of Jane’s hand on the glass about to tumble, on the lip biting, starry eyed and heart pounding look in his eyes. And then he was changing, the skin of his hand growing lighter, milky and soft with scattered freckles.

Then it was your hand reaching out. Your hand slipping on the glass and Kylo Ren—sweet smile on his face—staring down at you blushing like a ripe fruit in summer.

His lovely crooked teeth flashed behind lips like pillows filled with the softest featherdown.

The tips of his fingers brushed your hand, light and nervous in that not-quite-accidental way that should have made your heart leap into hyper drive. Kylo’s eye flicked down at the floor, downcast coyly and glancing every few seconds to catch you staring at the pink in his cheeks.

You watched the scene as if through water, some stark, salty barrier that coated him in a film of non-reality. You waited for the star shine look of his eyes to pull you in, waited to feel your hands shake and your pulse race and any number of other inane, fluttery things that you had seen Lem stumble through.

But the sight of it, the look on this man's face—because it was most certainly not Kylo Ren looking at you with honey eyes, sparkling shy dips of nectar—it was...

It was not at all what you’d thought.

It was revolting.

It was an antithesis come to life.

It made your skin crawl with the unnatural feeling of it all.

Kylo Ren’s face was not built to look at you this way, did not contain sickeningly gentle smiles, his hands knew no soft brushes of fingertips.

No, they wielded saber blades and crushed bone and spilled blood.

They tangled in your hair and molded mottled fingerprints into your skin

His lips were carved from marble that could not comprehend such an innocent up turning, unless it was to mock his opponent.

They sucked permanent brands of ownership into your skin, and made them throb when you thought of him.

And that was all you would ever want him to do.

As much as he roused the caged and angry beast that resided in your bones, as much as he lied and withheld and left you to wake alone—

You couldn’t bear this bastardized, cheap imitation that stared at you sweetly.

That was not your Commander.

That was not your Kylo Ren.

And you would not have him any other way.

That thought sat heavy with you and called to life something in the depths of your being. A fire, red and electric sparked to life. You recalled the vision he’d shown you. Recalled his words echoing:

“All I see is a whore who has no idea what she’s getting herself into.”

You felt yourself slip into the memory of his hands burying themselves in your flesh. The image of yourself—ruined, marked, and so clearly his—was crashing to the surface of your thoughts like whitecapped waves on a stormy sea. The ache in your neck returned, as though his hands were wrenching your head back to make you watch as he split you in half with his cock. You saw it in incredible detail, the veins of his length sinking into you to the hilt in one long roll of his hips. It stung and made your nerves sing with the pain of taking him.

It was delicious.

It fed you the pit inside you like meat thrown to a starving beast.

This was how he was meant to be taken: painful in his beauty, lovely in his destruction.

His skin was so warm when he pressed your back to his chest and growled in your ear:

“So desperate for your Commander’s cock, aren’t you?”

And yes, of course you were, of course you always were because really had you ever felt complete or whole without him filling you to the brim? But it wasn’t just his cock you needed buried in you. No, you craved him in a way that transcended your physical being.

Separate. That’s what he told you, that there was something more to you than just your body that could exist outside of yourself, could slip into his head and find him even when you were dreaming.

And you were desperate for the feeling of his thoughts. For his mind, for whatever it was that let you hear him whispering all the things he could never say aloud.

His voice in your head was the only thing that soothed the churning in your guts, it was like salve on a burn, cooling like the mint of his breath. The steady beat of his blood the only thing that truly set you at ease.

Yes, that was your Kylo Ren.

Possessive and withholding, saying everything in brief glances and the twitch of of jaw. Complex and often painful and perfect.

You wanted him that way.

And you needed to hear him.

You couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

Kylo?

The single word echoed across whatever void your mind was inhabiting, crosses bounds to seek out something on the other end.

You waited and wanted and—

And then you were not so alone in your head anymore.

But the meeting room was coming back into focus and everyone was staring directly at you. The large holoprojector in the table’s center showed the first, familiar graphics of your portion of the presentation. From across the table, Lem was staring at you, brows furrowed and questioning.

“Right,” you said, making your way to the front of the room.

You felt as though you were back in the academy, bland and boring faces all staring up at your false smile. You tried not to focus on them too hard. “As the delegate from the First Order, I’ll naturally be making the announcement of endorsement. This will be submitted to Mr. Alba for review by the end of the week along with the Order’s formal statement of apology.”

You nodded and the projection moved on, showing the next set of animations, “Now, as I said, these will be submitted at the end of this week, so if there’s any—”

There was a hand sliding up your thigh. It was distinct and massive and coated in leather, the feeling of it so incredibly acute under your clothing you almost choked in shock. But when you slapped a hand down, there was nothing but empty air.

The crowd for the most part seemed not to have noticed your pause, too caught up in whispered conversations to the side or staring blankly at the tabletop, so you cleared your throat, “If there’s anything you’d like to be included that should be given to me by tomorrow evening at the latest.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, the pulse of it clear all the way to your fingertips. Taking a shaky breath you continued to go over the list of other asinine requests, falling easily into a familiar rhythm. Presentations like this were half your job back on the Finalizer. It was home turf, and you were able to flick on autopilot long enough too—

What was that? you asked incredulously into the void of your mind

Silence echoed, and you glanced briefly around the room, though thankfully you’d looked down at your notes when the hand returned. This time much, much higher. The unmistakable feeling of leather catching on the edge of your panties made your jaw drop.

You called.

Kylo’s voice reverberated through your skull, his tone was blank but you could feel the strange mixture of amusement and annoyance that was not yours. It was irritating on a level you’d thought impossible.

Well I’m a bit busy if you hadn’t noticed, you snapped, grinding your teeth when his disembodied scoff graced your ears.

You’d think it might be one of the most alluring things you’d ever heard if the stares of so many faceless campaign staffers weren’t pinning you down at the same time.

Hmm, he hummed, unconcerned or unbothered by whatever was going on outside of the little world that consisted of just the two of you.

His hand—because that’s what it had to be, his hand, somehow—curled under the hem of your panties, ripping the elastic to the side where it dug painfully into your skin.

Stop, you hissed it, spat the word at him and tried to will away the fingers that pulled the meat of your thighs apart.

But they only spread your legs further, a rush of cold air hitting your cunt and tensing your stomach as his fingers drew up up up—

You’ll just have to keep quiet, won’t you?

And, of course, since you’ve never been all that good about following orders, the second he plunged two, impossibly thick fingers deep into your pussy, your voice caught in your throat. The garbled half cough half moan half wounded animal cry made every head in the room turn to face you.

Even Atreus, whose dead, white blue eyes locked in on your face and never blinked.

You froze, struggling to recall your place as Kylo worked his unseen fingers father into you, coaxing a wave of slick heat to drip from your core. Your hands bunched into fists, nails digging crescent moon holes into the skin of your palm in an effort not to gasp when he hit that lovely spot inside and made your knees threaten to give out.

Don’t stop, now. Unless you’d like them to know what a little whore you are, Kylo growled from somewhere deep inside you.

You caught your breath, plastering a smile on your face and taking a sip from the glass of water being offered to you.

“My apologies, where was I?”

Shuffling through your notes, you picked up where you’d left off with proper terms to use when addressing members of the Order. You tried not to move, focusing squarely on the projection and schooling your expression—at least you hoped you were. Atreus’ stare never left you now. Like he could smell the lie on your face. Or the way your pussy gushed with ever renewed thrusting of Kylo’s leather fingers, the ridges creating a sinful drag against your walls.

Well if I’m a whore then what are you?

From whatever corner of your mind he was lurking in, Kylo chuckled softly.

Much worse, he mused.

You bit back a scream when his thumb found your clit, rubbing swift circles with the smooth material.

But in your head, your voice rang free, and you let out the string of curses you’d been holding back, voice cracking into a whine when he added a third finger. And just as he spread you open, scissored your entrance and glided against your walls, something else opened too, gaped wide and you spilled into it.

You could see him, but it was a different him, from a different time, walking the halls of the Finalizer. His boots ran out against the durasteel until they came to an abrupt halt and silence filled the corridor. There was a slight tremor in his hand, a minuscule shaking as he gripped his thigh and fell back against the wall, breath coming heavy through his mask.

It was practiced, the movement of his hand that fumbled with the layers of his robes until his cock sprang free, hard and leaking and with a lovely red flush to the head. Your mouth watered at the sight of his hand stroking long and fast along the shaft, thumb teasing his tip and collecting the little beads of precum that glistened there.

This is what you do to me, he said. I hear all of it. Every thought you have. I hear how badly you want my cock pounding into you and my hand on your throat and—

He groaned in your head, the same way you knew he must have in whatever memory you were viewing. Distantly, you could just barely feel the movement of his hand as he jerked himself, hips bucking up into his fist.

You were not faring much better. The words kept tumbling out of your mouth, sometimes trailing off on a particularly hard thrust of his fingers. Your head spun with this new confirmation. He’d heard all of it. Every frustrated thought, every time you’d goaded him in meetings and hallways and when you’d lie awake— or not so awake—and think about how much you maybe, probably, almost certainly didn't hate him. Not that you hadn’t known, that he could hear you. Not that you hadn’t suspected that it had always been him, not some imaginary replication. That was very clear, but now. Now you had the truth. Now you knew for certain.

Kylo Ren had always been more than just a dream.

For so long he had watched you crumbling from afar and said nothing.

And who knew how long he intended to keep you in the dark.

If there wasn’t a target on your back right now, would you have ever found out?

Kylo, you gasped the words in your head as his thumb sped up in its rhythm on your clit and his fingers stroked your walls, what is this?

You needed to know. You deserved to know.

And you could feel the words. They were there, right on the tip of his lovely pink tongue, about to find their way past the crooked edges of his teeth, lips loose in the pleasure of you. But the burst of white that clouded your vision and finally made your knees buckle drowned out any truth he may have spared you. Your combined releases flowed thick like heavy metal through your veins as you felt the pulse of him slowly fading from your mind, slipping from your grasp.

Your hand shot out to grab the table edge, holding yourself upright as everything in your mind went blessedly, horribly quiet and the room grew much louder. Time was unclear to you. The projections showed you’d managed to get through over half of your presentation, but you called none of it.

Lem was standing up now, walking briskly over to you with a hand on your back and another under your elbow. The fingers in your cunt had disappeared, leaving you feeling empty and cold as your slick stuck to the inside of your thighs.

“Ah, I believe our financing presentation is up next,” Lem called out, motioning quickly for the team to take over and leading you back to your seat.

When you were safely sat back in the chair, you felt his stiffly gelled hair brush your cheek. It smelled overpoweringly of apricots and vanilla. Too sweet.

“Are you alright?” he whispered.

The concern in his voice was evident, but you were lost in the past few minutes and too frustrated by the silence in your head to appreciate it.

“Fine,” you mumbled back and turned your head back to the blank table.

You didn’t look at him as he rushed back to his place by Gahl, who’s gaze never shifted your way. Unlike his advisor. Even now the slip of a man in his dark suit and red tie stared at you down his nose like it was the barrel of his blaster.

Like he was taking aim.

You swallowed and tried to go back to that space where time did not exist and your head was not so empty, but it didn’t not come.

Instead, you sat and listened and hoped you wouldn’t leave a damp spot on the cushions when you left.

***

There were a lot of rules in negotiations.

The First Order made sure its best and brightest had them all carved onto the backs of their hands before they ever set foot in the situation room. When you closed your eyes, you could see the words flashing in your mind. You knew them better than you knew yourself. But maybe that wasn’t really saying much. You’d been discovering quite a lot of personal details recently you weren’t previously aware of.

Though, that was besides the point now.

Now all you could think of was that the number one rule to a successful negotiation, was to always know more than your opponent.

Knowledge was your strength, knowledge was your red crackling lightsaber, knowledge was your fist closed, throat crushing Force.

That was how you came out on top, by constantly keeping the upper hand—by always having an ace in your metaphorical back pocket.

But right now, you were losing.

And the frustration of it was going to consume you.

Because you didn't know what or how or why Kylo Ren was in your head. In fact, you weren’t even sure if it was your head he was in. It felt much deeper than that now. And no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t keep him out. Whatever you’d done, whatever you’d let in that night on the sand with the sea standing witness, you would never be able to take it back.

Kylo Ren was a liar. That you knew, because you were a liar too.

Knowledge was your power, but lies were your currency. They were what you traded at the table, they were what slipped the easiest from your tongue and made sure you walked away from a deal with more than you’d come in with.

And Kylo Ren was not in the business of negotiations, so there was nothing you could ever offer that would pry his jaw open and spill all his secrets. Nothing that could persuade him to tell you what exactly had taken root in your chest when you’d accepted him, took him inside and wanted to keep him there.

But you needed to know.

The desire to understand consumed you and every thought in your head. The same head that found itself clunking against a new desk in a new office with the same unending dissatisfaction.

Lem had left you a few hours ago, setting you up in his workspace with a glass of water and a concerned smile. You knew you were being unnecessarily rude to him, and had you been less shaken, you might have felt some guilt over it.

Now you were staring up at your datapad, document resolutely blank, and unable to think of anything other than the way Kylo’s skin reflected the light off the ocean or how his hair curled into little ringlets when it was soaked through and dripping onto your face and—

You groaned, knocking your forehead into the desktop and squeezing your eyes shut against the barrage of images and the strange, uncomfortable ache they incited. You rested your head on your arms and tried to block out the light of the office, let yourself drift and tried to recall...well what you weren’t sure.

The Force always seemed so far away, so fantastical that you weren’t ever truly convinced it was real. Not until you’d seen it first hand, watched the bodies of countless ‘troopers dragged from the hallways with not a mark on them. It simply wasn’t something anyone talked about, not at the Academy, and certainly not when you started working under Hux.

It was...energy, you knew that much. And it was in everything, everyone you supposed, though stronger some than others. You knew it could be used for more than just making objects float around, although for what other purposes you weren’t entirely certain. It certainly wasn’t something you’d ever been able to use.

But you thought it must have a hand in this, whatever it was that let you see, hear, taste, feel the Commander even when he was so far from you. Somewhere deep in the dusty corners of your mind, you knew that this would always be the case from now on. That even with light years in between, he’d only ever be a hair's breadth away—a whisper of his name or a beat of your heart.

It was hard to swallow that notion. Hard to comprehend that you would never be alone in your skin. Never would you feel so lacking. What a cruelty, you thought, that it had taken so long. That you had been born into this world incomplete. Your Commander would call that a weakness, but really wasn’t he just as unfinished as you. There was still some gap in him waiting to be filled.

So, then, why couldn’t you find him like he could find you?

You didn’t have the gifts he did, you couldn’t make doors fly from their hinges or break bone with just a twitch of your fingers. And maybe that was the problem. Maybe it always would be.

Voices from the hall broke you from your stupor. Two of them, the first old and grating, the second slick like oil that left a bad taste in your mouth—the representative and his advisor. You’d recognize them anywhere now.

“...well I’d say that a drink is in order,” Gahl was saying, trailing off as they walked further from Lem’s office.

“Sir, we shouldn’t be leaving—”

Atreus spoke that time, the sound of it trickling like cold water down your spine. Thankfully, the representative spoke over him.

“Lem is here, he’ll take care of things.”

A hand slapped the closed door currently keeping you hidden as they passed. You stayed still at the desk until the footsteps had completely petered out, listening to the expensive click of their hard soles die away into silence. Until now it had not occurred to you how close they were. How close the blade was to striking. You let out a breath and looked around. Everything seemed a bit more foggy than usual. Then, from across the room, you heard it—a soft creaking. And when you looked up, the door to Lem’s office was slowly falling open on its hinges.

Like it was pulled by some invisible hand.

And you felt the same tugging, the same formless compulsion, the same ghosting over your flesh.

Across the hall, another door was drifting open by degrees, revealing a meticulously kept office with a shiny gold name plate:

Atreus.

Slowly, you let yourself be pulled—a puppet on strings—walking noiselessly across the corridor. In the doorway you paused, staring at the intricate black lettering. You wanted answers, and something told you this is where you’d find them.

Into the belly of the beast.

You took a careful step over the threshold, the air honey-thick and clinging to your skin. The office was spotless, not a paper out of place as you circled around the massive desk and ran your hands up the array of drawers. Each one was furnished with an ornate golden handle that glimmered in light from the hall.

To your right, a drawer slid open just an inch or two. You watched, eyes wide, as it shuttered of its own accord out of place. And your hand similarly seemed to have a mind of its own, reaching out to grasp the handle and reveal it’s contents.

Inside, nestled atop of a stack of folders was a small, black notebook. At first glance, it seemed innocuous. Not many people used pen and paper these days. But then the space around it started to shimmer, locking your gaze until the world outside it turned hazy. Shaking, your hand reached out fingertips brushing the leather bound cover. You bit your lip, teeth worrying the flesh as you sat on the floor and pulled the book into your lap. The ragged edges of each page caught on your nails when you flipped them open.

Written in small, messy scrawl, was page upon page of notes. Words ran off the lines, and continued through the margins, most too minuscule or smudged to be legible. Multiple times, the Commander’s name was scratched in between sentences, angry obsessive markings that made your eyes sting. But you kept skimming, letting your hand be guided along.

Until suddenly the pages stopped turning.

And you stared down in horror.

In the awful, disgusting script, was your name circled, underlined and bolded at the top of the paper. Thin, curving, inked arrows drew lines across the other mismatched text and you slapped a hand over your mouth to stifle the grating, garbled sound that threatened to escape your chest.

There, the words stood out clear as day among the mess of lines.

Bond.

Your brain hadn’t even begun to register the implications of this, but you knew.

This was the answer you’d been searching for.

And you had no time to process it, because footsteps from the hall were approaching, quick and hard soled. Your eyes went wide and you scrambled to close the drawer and shove the book into your jacket pocket. Knees tearing on the carpet, you tucked yourself into the space under the desk and held your breath.

Silence rang out in the tiny room.

From outside, you heard the footsteps grow louder, closer, and finally come to a halt right in the doorway.

Taglist lovelies: @couldntfuckingtellya @contesa-lui-alucard @thewilddingleberries @isaxhorror @cowboy-kylo @findyourdarkness @kit-jpg @shesakillerkween @obsessionprofessional

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x female reader #kylo ren smut #kylo ren imagine #star wars #reader insert #kylo ren #dr. b writes

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hargreevestan · 4 years

Text

Get Home Safe (AU Diego Hargreeves x female!reader)

Authors Note: Okay, so I was listening to Ribs by Lorde on repeat which made me feel a wave of nostalgia so I kind of projected my younger self into a fan fiction?? ANyWayS, rich-kid quarterback Diego and goody-two-shoes reader are seniors in high school. They run into one another at a party

Trigger Warnings: Alcohol, angst, feelings of sadness and being alone

“Oh God, please make the world stop spinning,” (Y/N) thought to herself. She struggled to keep her balance as she stumbled her way through the backyard, leaning against the wooden fence for support. After much effort, she made it past the crowd of teens cheering around the beer pong table to the side of the garage. With her weight collapsing into the building, the stucco wall scraping against her shoulder as she dragged herself forward. That’s when she came across an obstacle.

Diego was in her way, leaning against the wall as he entertained the small clique of girls surrounding him. Looking past their shoulders, he (Y/N), terribly drunk and stumbling over herself. He promptly excused himself and approached her. The group of girls turned around, and giggled at the sight of intoxicated (Y/N), before dispersing back into the party.

“Hey, (Y/N). Doing okay there?” Diego asked, stopping her in her tracks.

“Never better,” (Y/N) answered, words slurring.

“Where are you headed?”

“Home.”

“Okay, so how are you planning on getting there?”

“By walking.”

“Do you really think you’re in any shape to be doing that by yourself right now?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah? Can you walk straight for me then?” Diego smirked.

(Y/N) nodded and attempted to stand up without any support, toppling forward immediately. Diego caught her, his free hand firmly holding her shoulder.

“I think I should probably drive you home, (Y/N)” he said, a look on his face that was half worried and half amused.

“No, no, it’s okay. I don’t want to be a bother to you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I need an excuse to leave anyways.”

“Haven’t you been drinking, though?” (Y/N) questioned, sloppily gesturing to the red solo cup in his hand.

“It’s just water, don’t worry. Actually, here, have some,” he replied. (Y/N) took it and downed the entirety of its contents, before crushing the plastic cup and throwing it over her shoulder.

“(Y/N) is drunk-drunk,” Diego thought to himself. He leaned in and wove one hand under her arm and around her back, placing his hand on the sleeve of her white t-shirt. He grabbed her hand and wrapped it behind his head so they had their arms around one another’s shoulders.

“Let’s get going.”

The pair walked up the driveway.

“I’m parked a couple houses down,” Diego said, leading (Y/N) down the sidewalk.

“Amazing, I wish I drove.”

“(Y/N), you do drive.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” (Y/N) giggled.

Diego rolled his eyes. He took his keys from his pocket and pressed the unlock button. The headlights of a black Jeep flashed, followed by a beeping noise and the click of locks.

“Promise not to puke in my car?” Diego prompted, opening the door for (Y/N) and helping her in, making sure she buckled her seatbelt.

“I promise!” (Y/N) assured him.

Diego walked to the drivers side and got in. Music began playing as he turned on the car. He turned to face (Y/N).

“So, where do you live?” he asked.

“Uhhh, you go left then up then le- no, right, and then, uh..”

“Actually, just tell me your address,” he said, typing it into his phone as (Y/N) recited the number and street name.

“Beginning route, proceed straight,” a robotic voice coming from the speakers of his car instructed. He began driving.

“So, how much did you have to drink?”

“Only a little”

“How much is a little?”

“Like, half of one drink.”

“I doubt that.”

“I did! I only had one cup, and it was half lemonade half vodka!”

“Holy shit, (Y/N). That’s not half a drink! Do you even know how much one drink is?”

“Not really.”

“You probably had, like, six shots! Did you space it out, atleast?”

“No, it tasted bad so I just downed the whole thing, That way I would only have to taste it once.”

They hit a stop sign, and Diego looked over at the girl in disbelief.

“Don’t do that, (Y/N),” he said sternly, “please.”

The two drove in silence for a while. How Are You True by Cage The Elephant began to play over the speakers.

All your days spend counting numbers

'Til one day you'll find (day you'll find)

That life has passed you by

(Y/N) sang along softly. Suddenly a wave of sadness hit her. The reality of the situation became so clear to her. She was invited to her first high school party, a month before graduation, just because she was useful. She was always helping people in their classes, trying so hard to be nice, to be liked, to be noticed. Once she got there, she felt out of place. She didn’t know how to talk to anyone, so she downed a drink, trying to keep herself preoccupied- trying to distract herself from how lonely she felt, despite being surrounded by people.

Diego heard a quiver in her voice and looked over at (Y/N), noticing the tears streaming down her face.

“(Y/N)? Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

(Y/N) kept looking forward, shaking her head.

“Nothing,” she said, coming out like a whisper.

Diego pulled over and parked the car.

“(Y/N), you’re crying..”

“No, I’m sorry, you were just trying to be nice to me and now I’m being a mess in your car and, I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

Diego sighed. “Listen, my brother… Well, he has this problem with alcohol. I know sometimes, when he’s had a little too much, he can get really sad. I get it. I mean, I get why he is the way he is, but… I don’t know, do you want to talk about it?”

“Diego, what do you think of me?”

“Well, I don’t really know you that well. But I do know you were my lab partner two years ago, you know, in biology. Pretty sure Ms. Smith paired me with you because I was almost failing and you’re, well, you’re you. And you helped me pass, but you never made me feel stupid for not knowing the answers to things.”

“I think that’s how everyone sees me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think people only want me around because I can help them with things. I don’t think anyone actually likes me.”

“I think you’ve just had too much to drink.”

After a moment of deliberation, Diego spoke again, “In the locker room, well, we talk about girls and stuff. You came up once, when I had to get my grades up in order to be eligible to play. If I failed biology, I would have got kicked off the team, so Coach made me skip practice and go to tutoring. Anyways, half the football team thinks you’re cute. They say you’re quiet, but you’re always nice when they talk to you. And the other half doesn’t know who you are.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.. You always keep to yourself. But no one thinks anything bad about you, they just don’t know you.”

“I’m sorry, you already went out of your way to drive me home and now I’m just complaining about my life to you-”

Diego cut her off, “Hey,” taking one hand and tucking a lock of (Y/N)’s face behind her ear, “No one is forcing me to do this. I’m here because I wanted to see you get home okay.”

“Thank you,” (Y/N) smiled at him gratefully.

He smiled back and stroked his thumb across her cheek before returning his grip to the wheel.

“So here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna take us to McDonalds and buy us some ice cream and fries, which is actually a beautiful combo, so you have something other than alcohol in your system, and then I’ll take you home. Sound okay?”

“Sounds perfect.”

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threeletterslife · 4 years

Text

Brevity (But Most Often Not)

→ [2/7] of the Glossary Series

→ summary: All your life, you've been with guys who didn't bother to read the news or appreciate the art form of journalism. But Hoseok... Even the way he carefully chooses his words is a sign that you and he are a match. If only he weren't in a dilapidating psychiatric hospital. Then maybe you'd have a proper boyfriend who treated you right for once.

→ pairing/rating: hoseok x reader | PG-13

→ genre: 100% angst (but like, soft angst?? mellow angst?) | journalist!au

→ warnings: depictions of a psychiatric hospital and mentally ill patients, slight manipulation

→ wordcount: 6.6k

→ a/n: based on this ted talk! *disclaimer,,, the characters in this fic are fictional and do not correlate with the real members whatsoever!*

Merrymoor Hospital stands before you behind the gray clouds of fog that have drifted mysteriously and rather suddenly following your rather nervous departure from your car. Almost as if you've walked straight into a horror movie and Merrymoor Hospital was the haunted castle that would end up dragging you down to your demise.

You swallow.

The foggy weather isn't helping your anxious nerves. The weeds are overgrown in the dirt and a collapsed sign catches your eye. It reads Merrymoor Asylum for the Criminally Insane. That used to be the name for Merrymoor Hospital before they changed it to something a bit more... civil.

No wonder they're trying to close this place down. The whole building looks like a brewery for disaster—or murder if you will.

They should've sent Namjoon up for this job instead of you. The man has thick skin and probably hasn't watched a horror movie in his life, which would probably make him immune to the fear of entering a hospital that screams haunted mansion.

Though your hands are clammy, you make sure to take quick notes in your notebook about the surroundings.

Inhospitable hospital, you write. Might have something to do with weather. Possible revisit.

But you hope it doesn't have to come to that.

You're this jittery for your first visit; you don't want to think of the possibility of a second.

All you can do is hope the first visit at Merrymoor Hospital is so horrible that you can convey the exact picture of it in your writing and get it published. Then the place will shut down.

For nearly six years, citizens have been wanting to shut down Merrymoor because just the thought of these criminally insane people escaping the confines of the asylum terrifies them. And now your agency is taking action. If you write an article convincing enough (about your horrible findings) then Merrymoor will finally be shut down.

Of course, there is a slight chance that Merrymoor isn't as bad as everyone assumes it is. You'll have to report the facts as they are. If there's one thing you hate more than horror movies, it's yellow journalism. You promised yourself that when you became a journalist, you'd write everything as it is without exaggeration and overly pretentious language that the common man wouldn't be able to comprehend without pulling out a dictionary.

So here you are. At Merrymoor.

In a way, the place looks a bit like a college campus. If the campus had been severely mauled by zombies in a post-apocalyptic world, though. Cautiously, you step closer to the entrance of the building. There are guards there—unusually large and buff.

You clear your throat. "Hello." Your voice comes out squeaky and if your body language didn't give away how terrified you are, your voice sure did. "I'm Y/N. I believe I was invited to inspect Merrymoor Hospital today."

"Y/N..." a guard mutters gruffly.

You fight the urge to shrink back.

"Oh, Y/N L/N. The journalist? Yes, they're waiting for you."

Oh, thank goodness.

The guards nod at you before opening the heavy-looking doors.

"Thank you," you manage to squeak out before slipping into the entrance. What waits for you are bright white walls on all four sides of the hallway. There's a bit of dust in the corners and what you hope are water stains on the welcome mat you're stepping on. But otherwise, the conditions inside are far better than the outside.

"Y/N!!"

Your head jerks up when you hear your name.

"Hello!" A man dashes toward you, wearing a white lab coat and flashing his white teeth in your direction. He looks a bit too friendly to be working in such a serious place. "Y/N, right? Sorry I couldn't meet you outside. We were making sure your visit here would run as smoothly as possible." He grins at you again and you're starting to think he's doing that to hypnotize you into liking the hospital.

"Yes, I'm Y/N," you say. "Nice to meet you, Mr..." Your eyes trail down to glance at the name embroidered with gold thread on his coat, "Park."

"Oh, please, call me Jimin," the man smiles again. You have to admit if he wasn't stuck working here, he could've appeared in some magazines and gotten rich. "Welcome to Merrymoor, by the way. We're a psychiatric hospital established in 1863. Pretty old, aren't we?" He laughs but you don't.

Est. 1863, you scribble in your notebook. "Sorry if I don't respond sometimes," you mutter apologetically. "But I'd love it if you can tell me everything about Merrymoor."

"The more information, the better article you can write!" Jimin answers merrily.

Oh god. It sounds like Jimin's adamant about keeping the hospital open.

He drones on and on about Merrymoor's impossibly high specs and their success in helping their patients reach a peak in their lives. You scribble the facts down but don't include Jimin's biased side comments about the wonders of the asylum.

"Want to meet the patients?"

Jimin's sudden question startles you especially because you hadn't expected to actually come in contact with them.

"A-Assuming they're..."

"They won't hurt you," Jimin says, shaking his head. "Just don't bump into Gladys. She tends to get fussy when that happens. And don't mention the color blue in front of Jungkook. He doesn't like that. Steer clear away from anyone who looks like they're living in their own world. Some of them think they can get away with homicide in their minds. If someone approaches you and you feel nervous, call for me, okay?"

"Don't bump in Gladys. Don't say blue in front of Jungkook. Steer clear from people living in their own little bubble. Call you when I'm nervous. Got it," you say. "Thank you."

"No problem," Jimin salutes you.

Hm. He's cute.

You'd think the wellness center where all the patients are located for the evening would be behind one or two gates at the maximum. Instead, you and Jimin pass through six gates with even more buff guards.

Not bad, you think. Good security, you write in your notebook. Jimin glances over your shoulder and smiles proudly.

"You ready?" Jimin whispers to you before the guards open the seventh gate. "There are red panic buttons on the side if there's an emergency. But that's pretty rare." He shrugs.

"Yeah," you say. "You can open the door."

The moment the gates open, a rather large room is revealed. It sort of looks like a hotel lobby but with softer, pastel colors that are universally accepted as calming hues. The only bright color that stands out is the reds of the panic buttons scattered across the pale green walls.

"The rooms used to be pastel blue," Jimin says. "But after Jungkook came to us, we had to repaint them. He thinks the color is a curse."

"O-Oh..."

The patients are lazily lounging around the old armchairs or rocking on the balls of their feet in front of walls. Some are talking to themselves. Others are entranced in a kid's television show playing on the cracked television screen.

"It's been a long time since we've gotten donations," Jimin explains almost apologetically. "There are games in the closet over there," he says, pointing at the closet that is locked shut. "We lock that for safety reasons. But not a lot of them want to play checkers and battleship anyway."

There doesn't seem to be a set uniform for the patients. You see comfortable clothes on most of them. Sweatpants with mysterious stains and t-shirts with worn-out holes. All of them have a battered name tag pasted on their shirts.

Inadequate funding, you note. Jimin's smile crumbles a bit.

"Are they always this... turtle-like?" You stop yourself from saying slow.

"Well... They're... medicated," Jimin whispers as if it's the most important secret in the world.

That makes a lot more sense as to why some older patients are drooling on themselves. A lot of them seem to be drifting along like ghosts in some sort of vivid slumber. It's unsettling.

"Ah... I see," you answer. "May I talk to a few of the patients?"

"Yeah! Sure," Jimin says. "I'll get out of your hair. Call me if you need me."

"Thanks."

In general, the patients seem content, but you're not very sure if it's the drugs that are talking. They hum off-key songs and talk to themselves. Some glance at you but others act like you aren't even in the room. You try to pick out a patient from the crowd who doesn't look very... threatening. Just in case.

There's a strange man in a well-ironed navy blue suit who catches your eye. His hair is pushed back and gelled into a stylish sweep, revealing his forehead for others to admire. His nose stands tall and his posture is impeccable. He's arguing with an obvious patient in sweats.

You don't mean to eavesdrop but—

"You're wearing blue!"

"Navy blue to be more precise," the strange man says. "What do you want, Jungkook?"

"I-I c-can't allow it!" Jungkook declares. "Take it off! Take it off!"

Upon closer inspection, the strange man has a name tag on his suit; it is the only thing that ruins his pristine image. Hoseok, it reads. You can't even fathom that he's a patient in a mental asylum.

"That would be considerably inappropriate," Hoseok says. He frowns. "I fancy this suit quite so, Jungkook."

"BLUE!" Jungkook shrieks. He begins to thrash about so hard that you contemplate pushing the red emergency button. But just as you move closer to the wall, Jimin comes to the rescue.

"That's enough wellness center for you, Koo," he tells the crazed man. "Want to go back to your room? The color won't haunt you there." Jimin shoots you an apologetic look. "I'll be right back. Refer to the other clinicians if you need them, okay?" You nod politely. Jimin looks at you gratefully before he and Jungkook walk away.

Great. Now you're left alone in a room filled with a bunch of potentially dangerous crazies.

"You're new here, ma'am?" Hoseok, the patient in the prim and proper suit says. "You aren't a patient here, I suppose?"

"Oh, no," you say, quickly shaking your head. "I'm just here to observe."

Hoseok points to your notebook. "A journalist, Miss...?"

"L/N. But I go by Y/N," you say. "And yes, I am a journalist." You quirk your brows. Insanely observative for him to notice.

"Ah, I reckon you're here to write an article about Merrymoor's imminent closure?" Hoseok drawls on. He sits down on a busted armchair and gestures you to sit across from him. He's so charming, you do exactly as he suggests.

"Well, I'll have to see what Merrymoor is like before I can write such a..." you trail off, trying to rack your brain to find a fitting word.

"Definitive article?" Hoseok finishes for you. Right, definitive. He crosses his legs casually and leans back, exuding the aura of an extremely young but successful CEO rather than a patient at a mental hospital.

"Yes," you say, cocking your head. "A definitive article."

"May I ask how you fancy Merrymoor as of now?" Hoseok says. "Awfully decrepit, isn't it? Such a dingy environment. Yesterday, I'm afraid I found a toenail in my meal. Not much up to par with the other hospitals, this one. Is Merrymoor too run-down for your taste as well, Y/N?"

"Yes, just a bit," you admit. "But so far everything seems to be set up for the best of the patients."

Hoseok laughs a merry laugh. "Y/N, there is hardly any regular Merrymoor inhabitant adept enough to hold an intellectual discourse with me. I'd say I'm always a little more than bored here."

"Oh... I'm sorry." You're not sure how a man like Hoseok got stuck in Merrymoor Hospital. He doesn't look very criminally insane to you at all. Just very well-spoken and well-dressed.

"Oh, you don't have to be sorry," Hoseok smiles. "But it's rather often that I feel forsaken here. With no one to converse with except the clinicians... Even then, they are vigilant around me though I try to convince them I am not dangerous. They check under my blankets—even my mattress. Won't let me around scissors. Y/N, it's almost offensive how fastidious they are."

I doubt any of these patients want to be dangerous on purpose, though. It's obviously a good thing that the clinicians are so attentive. Bonus points.

"They're just looking out for you, Hoseok," you offer. You scribble attentive clinicians in your notebook.

"I would like to beg to differ," Hoseok says. "As you can surely tell, Y/N, I hardly belong here." He gestures at himself and glances detestably at the others in the wellness center. "Quite obviously, there has been a mistake."

"A... mistake?"

"Yes," Hoseok says. He uncrosses his legs and crosses them the other way. Then, he leans forward, clasping his hands in front of him. "You see, I wasn't a very courteous young adult, Y/N. When I was 21, I committed a minor crime that would sentence me to jail for about six years."

You frown.

"Yes, I know," Hoseok sighs. "I've deeply repented my faults before my departure to jail. I was in the prime time of my life, Y/N. I couldn't spend six years in jail at age 21. Not especially when I already mulled over my actions and expressed great remorse to those I hurt..."

His words are so convincing that you nod along with him.

"I remembered what someone had once told me. To get out of an unnecessarily long sentence, all I had to do was fake a mental illness." Hoseok shakes his head disapprovingly. "Apparently, my act was so persuasive, they threw me in Merrymoor instead. Now I can't get out."

"Oh god... How long have you been here?"

"Nearly fifteen years. Almost three times as much longer than my original sentence," Hoseok laughs bitterly. "Turns out, it is incredibly difficult to prove that I am, indeed, sane."

"Oh no..." you breathe. "I'm so sorry..."

"That isn't necessary, Y/N." Hoseok smiles. "But my only wish is for Merrymoor to close down. So I am finally let loose to freedom."

You gulp. His charming smile is so eye-catching that you can barely look away from his handsome face.

"I've always wanted to be a journalist..." Hoseok says sadly. He looks at the notebook in your hands longingly. "Words have always fascinated me, Y/N. You see, the wielder of words is more powerful than any delinquent brandishing a weapon. Words are controllable and may hold so much potent..."

"Oh, I agree!" you smile. "As a journalist, I kinda think of myself as the informer for the people. I write so others can read! And my reports will benefit someone with good information. At least, that's how I like to think of it. I'm glad you think the same!"

"If we didn't meet inside Merrymoor, I would've easily asked you out on a date, Y/N," Hoseok smiles, shaking his head. "But it seems so that dates might be impossible here. There is little to no privacy."

"O-Oh!" Your cheeks flush bright pink. "Maybe you'll have a tribunal one day. And then we'll have to see."

"I'm afraid that might be unlikely," Hoseok sighs. "They are concerned about the feasibility of recidivism..."

"I-I'll visit," you blurt out before you mull over your choice of words. "Maybe you'll feel less lonely then. I have to come back here anyway..."

"Tomorrow. 11 a.m." Hoseok says. He quirks a handsome brow at you curiously. "I'll be waiting."

Your stomach twists in anticipation and you have to look away from his intense stare. "I'll be there."

Once in the safe confines of your room, you open up your laptop and begin to transfer your written notes to an open document. You like to get the most of your workload done the first day, so you end up researching the history of Merrymoor Hospital. Until you read the articles about it up-to-date.

Apparently, if the people finally decide to close down Merrymoor for good, they might turn it into a hotel. Kind of fitting, especially since the wellness center had a striking resemblance to a hotel lobby.

But after a while, you start getting distracted by Hoseok. The charming man had certainly known what he was talking about.

All your life, you've been with guys who didn't bother to read the news or appreciate the art form of journalism. But Hoseok... Even the way he carefully chooses his words is a sign that you and he are a match. If only he weren't in a dilapidating psychiatric hospital. Then maybe you'd have a proper boyfriend who treated you right for once.

Your exes all had one thing in common. They all told you that you talked like a journalist. Apparently, that's a big turn-off. Not as much of a turn-off when they think 'fancy' dressing means wearing cargo shorts with a t-shirt and socks with sandals.

Now Hoseok is a man who is an obvious connoisseur of words and clothes. And you deserve a man like that. A man who is so well-spoken that you become lost in his speech.

Your laptop begins to dim to save battery but you ignore the darker screen and instead, look at your lacking closet. Tomorrow, you should wear something nice for once. Rather than your usual pants and blouse, you should pick out something... more flashy.

At one point in your clothes hunting journey inside your own closet, you remember that the purpose of going to Merrymoor again is not to impress Hoseok but to write an article. Right. Your job always comes first. So you sigh, throwing away your heap of useless and bland clothes to the side and sliding in your desk chair to wake your laptop.

You'll have to finish outlining the main points of the article today. Then maybe you'll let yourself go out and buy a cute outfit for tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes so slowly that you swear time delayed itself while you were asleep and now the world runs not in seconds but in lethargic minutes.

Jimin greets you just like the day before and he seems pleased that you are in a brighter mood than yesterday. For one, the weather isn't as foggy, which actually does wonders to the outlook of the outside of the hospital. Without the fog, Merrymoor doesn't look like a haunted mansion at all. In fact, it looks more like a grandiose museum promising historic artifacts and old texts. Much less terrifying than the previous day.

"How was your visit yesterday?" Jimin chirps as he offers you a cup of hot coffee. His eyes linger on your shorter-than-usual pencil skirt and low-cut, silky black blouse. "I hope it was good." He beams when you accept the coffee with a smile. "Do you have any specific places you want to visit today?"

"Oh, thank you!" you say. "It was great," you tell him truthfully. "The guards already toured me around the outside today, but I was thinking I could visit some individual rooms."

"Of course!" Jimin grins. "The patients should be in their rooms right now. Good timing."

You realize Hoseok had said 11 o'clock with a plan in mind.

"Don't worry," Jimin soothes. "There are two guards at every door so you should feel safe."

Good security x2, you write in your notebook while making Jimin hold your coffee. The clinician beams.

Jimin guides you around the white walls of the hospital. "Did you know, these walls used to be green? In the old days, they thought green stimulated mental health because it represents the color of nature and growth. But I think white looks much better now. Blue is supposed to actually stimulate health, though. But Jungkook's sensitive to blue so we stuck with white for the hallways."

You nod thoughtfully. But you really wonder how Hoseok will greet you today.

"Um, Jimin?"

"Yes?" Jimin turns to you hopefully.

"Can I visit Hoseok? I met him yesterday and I think he'll be great to interview... You know, for the article."

Jimin visibly pales. "Oh... You mean, Jung Hoseok, huh? He's... um, are you sure? Jungkook might be a better candidate for an interview. Maybe even Yoongi. How about Taehyung? Or Seokjin..."

"Yes, I'm sure," you nod. "He's well-spoken so I think I could get good quotes from him. I can visit the rest of the patients later. Is that okay?"

"Um... yeah... sure..." Jimin says but he doesn't sound so sure.

Regardless, he leads you to the door to Hosoek's room. From the open wide slot on the door, you can glimpse at the interior, which looks surprisingly cozy with warm blankets and even a window letting some of the morning sunlight shine in.

"I'll be waiting outside," Jimin says. "The guards will follow you in if that's okay."

"Yeah, thanks."

"No problem!"

When you enter the room, you find that Hoseok's sitting on a little wooden chair in the corner of the room. Today, he's in a classic pinstripe suit with a red tie. He grins brightly when he sees you, but he scowls at the two guards behind you. The guards ignore him, instead, standing at the entrance. You cautiously walk forward.

"Hi, again, Hoseok," you say. "I was wondering if I can get an interview with you today... If that's all right with you."

"Of course that's all right, Y/N," the man beams. "Here," he says, standing up and letting you take the chair. "I prefer standing during serious discussions."

"Oh, of course. Thank you." You slide into the small chair, looking up to face Hoseok. "Can I have your permission to record the interview?"

"Yes, by all means. You look gorgeous, by the way. Lovely skirt. Beautiful blouse."

You blush, tugging at the ends of your pencil skirt. "Thank you." Bringing out your little voice recorder, you clear your throat before pressing record. Then, you begin to speak. "I'll be asking about your stay at Merrymoor Hospital. All you have to do is answer to your best ability. Don't worry if you need a moment to think. Can you please state and spell out your full name? If you are comfortable, you can state your age as well."

Hoseok does so in a relaxed, enchanting voice that makes you wonder how tortuous it will be for you to listen to this interview over and over again to transcribe it.

"Why were you admitted into Merrymoor Hospital? And what year?"

"I didn't quite mean to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital so young," Hoseok hums thoughtfully. "I suppose I was reckless in my twenties... But who isn't?"

You nod. Your twenties were disastrous. Full of bad men, too much alcohol and little to no care for the repercussions.

"I did use my fists quite rashly once when I was twenty-one and that resulted in me getting a six-year sentence for prison," Hoseok shrugs. "The roaring twenties is called the roaring twenties for a reason—aside from the historical reference, of course. Nobody desires to be locked up at the rush hour of their lives, do they?" He smooths back his immaculately gelled hair. "After I severely repented my wrongdoings, I came up with a brilliant idea to reach liberty. I heard they coddle you at mental hospitals before releasing you to freedom after a couple of days. So I figured it was genius to merely act mental.

"But my act was so convincing that they sent me here. In 2005, I was shoved in this little, dingy cell, forced into isolation from the rest of the world and being stripped from my well-deserved privacy." Hoseok scoffs bitterly. "For nearly fifteen years, I've been trying to convince every clinician in here that I am a normal, average citizen. I am definitely not insane. But how do I prove that I am sane?"

The last question rings in the room. You shift in your seat. "If the clinicians are suggesting—"

"Wrongfully accusing," Hoseok corrects with a small nod.

"Right. If the clinicians are 'wrongfully accusing' you of having a mental disorder, then which one is it?"

"They've wrongfully accused me of a plethora of disorders from a medical book. I was forced to take written or multiple-choice or even verbal tests that would prove my insanity," Hoseok says with a scornful frown on his face. "If I made every single clinician in Merrymoor take the same tests that I took, I guarantee you that all of them would definitely come out as positive for one or more disorders. Everyone's a little insane inside."

He grins but it isn't maniacally. It is almost consolingly. Convincingly.

"Are you finished with your inquiries, Y/N?" Hoseok asks. "I have some of my own for you."

"O-Oh, I only asked two questions so far—"

"Will I be able to see you again?" He stands over you with a dominant aura that makes you forget how to deny a request. "I enjoy your company very much, Y/N."

"Yes, surely," you reply. "When would you like to schedule another interview?"

Hoseok grins, reaching forward to pet the perfect curls of your hair. The guards in the back flinch forward but when they realize you're fine with it, they ease their tension.

The man cups your cheek with his hand, which is surprisingly ice cold. You stare up at him with admiration. He laughs quietly under his breath. He's got you wrapped around his finger.

When you're around Hoseok, it's easy to forget your duties as a journalist. You're supposed to poke and prod for information, but Hoseok is so good at speaking that he often gets away with not answering your interview questions directly. There's something about the eloquent way he talks that makes you want to stop everything and just listen to him forever.

Your laptop is open again as you transcribe five days' worth of interviews with Hoseok. Embarrassingly enough, it took five days to get a day's worth of quotes and questions from the handsome man. But you strangely don't mind. Those five days visiting Hoseok over and over again was blissful.

And now that you have no more questions, you don't have an excuse to go to Merrymoor any longer. But it's hard to focus on writing your article (even though the deadline is rapidly approaching) when all you can think of is Hoseok.

He's been trying to convince you that Merrymoor should be closed, but from what you see, Merrymoor isn't the problem at all. The patients are genuinely well-treated and the clinicians are respectful and kind. Safety is a priority, which was the people's largest concern. And even the guards are polite.

If the people wanted to turn Merrymoor into a hotel, they'd have to let go of that thought. Merrymoor should stay as a psychiatric hospital.

Meanwhile, maybe you can put in a good word for Hoseok to get him out of Merrymoor. You admit it had been silly of him to pretend to be mentally ill (especially when psychiatry definitely isn't a joke) but he's obviously matured since he was 21. He's spent nearly fifteen years regretting his past. You think it should come to an end.

Maybe you're doing it for your own good too. You can't help but wonder what your relationship with Hoseok will blossom like outside the hospital. When he pets your hair or caresses your cheek, you feel like you're going to combust. And the last few interviews, you told the guards to stay outside the room. He was this close to kissing you, too. But he had pulled away last second, smiling teasingly at you. It was as if he was saying you'd only get a kiss if he was finally liberated from the confines of what he liked to call the prison cell.

God, you remember how breathless you had been the moment he pulled away. Imagine how breathless you'd actually be if he'd really kissed you.

You let your laptop screensaver go on before sighing. Without a second thought, you grab a coat and rush out of your modest loft. You drive yourself all the way to Merrymoor and park haphazardly in the dirt. The guards are so used to you by now that they let you in immediately.

You're breathless by the time you reach Jimin's office. The young clinician looks surprised but happy to see you. "Y/N!" he greets you warmly. "I didn't know you were coming here again!"

"I have to talk to you!" you blurt out. "Please," you add for good measure.

Jimin laughs. "I didn't know you were so excited to talk to me." Usually, he's wearing his white lab coat but that stays hanging on a coat rack near the door. He has a black turtleneck on with some casual jeans. It's nowhere as near stylish as Hoseok's attire, but he still looks effortlessly fashionable. Jimin looks you up and down and grins. "I see you're participating in pajama day today." He giggles.

You gasp when you realize that in your hurry, you'd forgotten to change out of your home clothes. Your face turns a bright shade of red as you wrap your coat tighter around you. "I-I was in a hurry."

"I can see that," Jimin smiles. "What is it that you want to ask me about?" He sits down on his big chair and gestures for you to sit across from him.

You gather your breath, tucking your hair behind your ears as you take a moment for yourself. Jimin waits patiently.

"It's about Hoseok," you finally gasp.

"Oh. Hoseok..." Jimin sighs. "Yes, our patient. What about him?"

"Well, there's been a mistake," you say. "He's not supposed to be here. He lied about being mentally ill when he was younger, but I'm sure he's learned his lesson by now. Hoseok's as normal as we are," you plead. "He just wants to be released. Get the freedom that he deserves."

To your surprise, Jimin sighs. "Oh no, Y/N..."

"What?" you say, frowning. "What's wrong?"

"God, how do I break this to you?" Jimin shakes his head. "Wow. Um... Well, this is awkward."

"Why is it awkward?" Your inside twist at the impending bad news that you were going to hear any second now. You hope for the worst.

"Well... Y/N... Normal isn't a very good way to describe Jung Hoseok. He's definitely not normal," Jimin says, scratching his head. "I'm his clinician. I should know, right?"

"Not normal? Then...?"

"He's a psychopath, Y/N," Jimin says.

"A what." You deadpan so seriously that it's Jimin who flinches back.

"A psychopath. Not all are dangerous... But some do have a tendency to commit crimes and try to get away from the consequences," Jimin says. "They're cunning, manipulative people, Y/N. Very abnormally large egos. And lack of empathy. They don't feel the way we do."

But Hoseok... He'd... he'd liked you, though.

"I'm sorry," Jimin apologizes. He looks genuine. "The fact that Hoseok tried to fake mental illness to get out of a prison sentence makes him abnormal. He's a clinically diagnosed psychopath."

"What do you mean they don't feel the way we do?"

"They tend to lack emotions like fear and sadness and guilt, Y/N... But they're usually very good at pretending they do," Jimin says. "It's hard for them to make emotional connections with others, but they'll use their charm and way with words to get what they want. Usually, they're a bit narcissistic too. I mean, Hoseok threw a fit when he realized we weren't installing a mirror in his room... And he might think of you as more of a thing than a person."

"A thing?" you scoff incredulously.

"He must've wanted you to feel attracted to him," Jimin sighs. "He probably thought you were the key to getting out of Merrymoor. He's tried that with several other women around here—even men."

You stumble over your words, fists clenching. "You mean he can't really care for me?"

"He might... But for different reasons." Jimin fidgets with his hands. "He cares about you in a sense because you'll benefit him."

"So he's puppeteering me," you scoff. "Like I'm some doll he can show a little bit of love to and I'll come running back to him! God, I'm so stupid!" You bury your face in your hands. "I thought he really liked me..."

"Manipulation is the term we use," Jimin sighs. "Normally, most psychopaths can function well in a given society. But Hoseok's proven to struggle with that a little bit. Um, he has violent tendencies..."

You're left speechless.

And you really thought you could have a future with him. You feel foolish.

"T-Thank you, Jimin," you manage to stutter out. "Thank you for telling me... I just... wow. I fell right into his trap."

"He's a charming man," Jimin smiles warmly at you. He has a way of making you feel better. "I'm sorry... I should've noticed something was up..." His expression shows nothing but warmth.

If Hoseok smiles, you feel the cold ocean breeze kissing your cheeks. When Jimin smiles, you feel like you're basking under an orange sunset where the last of the sunlight warms not just your cheeks but your whole body.

"It's fine," you say, shaking your head. "I should've known better."

Quickly, you stand up, suddenly feeling rather flustered to have a serious conversation with Jimin in your pajamas. "I'm sorry for bothering you," you say. "Um, but good news. I really liked Merrymoor. And even Hoseok couldn't persuade me otherwise."

Jimin's lips curl up in a bright smile. "Oh, that's great! Thank you!"

"I'll make sure to write a good article," you promise. "Maybe you guys can get the funding you need to replace some of the old furniture."

"That'd be amazing," Jimin grins. "Thank you, Y/N. Really."

You shrug. "I'm only relaying the truth to an audience. You and the other clinicians did all the work."

Jimin blushes at the compliment. "Email me when the article is published—so I can brag about it to family and friends."

"Hm," you hum. "Isn't texting much easier?"

You leave Merrymoor Hospital with lost hope for Hoseok but a new number from Jimin. The day doesn't seem so horrible anymore.

Psychopaths value charming, beautiful words that sound like music to the ears. They're fastidious, choosing each word with scrupulous care. It also makes them awfully pedantic to the average person.

You didn't mind Hoseok's elevated vocabulary.

But you do mind the fact that he's incapable of love. With much research, you learn that psychopaths are able to fake their emotions to find their way into the top spots of society. That they value pragmatics over emotions. Usually, they don't even know that they're different. Sometimes that makes them dangerous. Other times, they're just humans with another perspective on life. Just because they have a superficial charm that they may switch off and on at will does not make them insane. It is what they do with their different brains that decide whether they are mad.

The psychopath test is online. And when you look at it, surprisingly, you find yourself checking off a few of the psychopathic points.

Hoseok's right about one thing. Everyone is a little insane inside. Maybe not to the extent of a psychopath who gets in trouble with the law but just enough so that nobody is really normal. Normal is just a social construct people created to form a little more equality in a non-binary world.

You have so many ideas to write about after this article.

You open your laptop, being greeted by a screen full of independent sentences that are yet to be placed in coherent paragraphs. The deadline for the article is near but you've been putting it off to think.

You'll have to paint a beautiful picture of Merrymoor for the readers to make this work. Describe the patients who truly need help and friendly staff who give help when needed. You'll need to make Merrymoor sound as least threatening as possible. To show people that this hospital is more important than whatever hotel that could be there.

Then, you type away.

Halfway through, you get an email notification from an address you don't recognize. Upon further inspection, you realize that Hoseok had somehow acquired your email.

My dear Y/N,

I miss you dearly—I yearn to see your beautiful face again. I've already picked out my best suits to wear when we go on our first date. To my imminent freedom, yes?

Did I ever mention I am prohibited to have a mirror in my cell? Every day is a pain to style myself without the proper tools. I don't think I deserve this kind of prisoner treatment.

Regardless, I hope I can see you soon, Y/N.

Best, Hoseok

It's subtle, the way he tries to get you to put in a few bad words about Merrymoor for him. But now that you know his manipulation tactics, you won't fall for them. You ignore the email and go back to writing.

Merrymoor: Hotel or Hospital?

Everyone in town scrolls through the article Thursday morning as you sit back and relax as the comments and responses flood in. It's the best article you've ever written, according to your editor. People are buzzing about the heroicness of Merrymoor Hospital and marveling at the jobs of the clinicians. The citizens have found respect for them.

You finally reply to Hoseok's email with a link to the article—no other words. He'll have to figure out where you stand for himself. With that, you close your laptop for good.

You'll take a little break from writing for now. Maybe relax a little from your journalist duties and enjoy other people's company. Namely Jimin's.

You're due for a date with him in about... five minutes.

You hope things go well.

[1 YEAR LATER]

"You sure you want to go to his tribunal?" Jimin asks in a worried voice. He wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you into his chest.

"I'm sure," you say, snuggling against your boyfriend. "He emailed me, asking me to come. So I'll go. There's no reason to refuse, right?"

Jimin rubs your arms. "Right..." You look at your boyfriend with such adoration in your eyes at Jimin giggles. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, it's just that... you're amazing," you laugh. "You could've easily told me that I was delusional for loving Hoseok. You could've told me not to take part in clinician business especially because I don't even have the right degree. But you didn't do any of that, Jimin. You were respectful. And you just made me... understand."

"Well, that's my job," Jimin says. "I try to make everyone understand and respect each other."

"Hoseok once told me everyone's a little insane inside," you whisper, playing with Jimin's shirt. "Do you think that's true?"

Jimin laughs out loud. "Would you kill me if I said I'm insane about you?"

"Yes, I would!"

"On a more serious note, yes, we're all a little crazy," Jimin says. "You obsessed over your job before you met me, right? My other friend fusses about his looks the whole day. And I'm absolutely crazy about you." You roll your eyes but smile. "Everyone's a little crazy," Jimin chuckles. "But crazy has a whole spectrum of its own."

"So to put it succinctly, normal doesn't exist."

"Exactly."

—masterpost

—masterlist

#ficswithluv #btswritersnet #btswriterscollective #bangtanfairygarden #bangtanidx #hoseok #jung hoseok #hoseok imagine #hoseok fanfic #hoseok fanfiction #bts #bts fanfiction #yn having bad taste in men the never-ending saga #she rlly thought lmfao #brevity

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acklesterritory · 4 years

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Born to Be Yours_ch. 5

Hey guys, I know it took so damn long to update this series fix but I did my best to do it through this hard time that we all had during the pandemic. I hope you forgive me. So here it is. The new chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Happy reading.

READ CHAPTER 1 HERE

READ CHAPTER 2 HERE

READ CHAPTER 3 HERE

READ CHAPTER 4 HERE

Dean x Reader series

SPN x TVD crossover

Summary: She always wanted to be his. He always wanted to be her. But what destiny wants?

Words~3.2 k

Warning: language, smut, angst

Tag list: @jay-and-dean @missafairy @akshi8278

Feedbacks are always appreciated

Dean's POV:

"Take a sit!" The blood sucker suggested as Y/n left us alone to cook in the kitchen. I looked around, still standing about the fireplace. I have to admit, their mansion looked fancy with old-fashioned parquet, wooden walls and big oil paintings. The velvety curtains surrounded a big part of the room, building an obstacle against the sun light. A classic vampire cave, itself!

"You want too?" I heard his voice over the crackle of lively flames when he was pouring some whiskey in his glass.

"Why? Is it a vamp ritual to say goodbye before biting the dust?" I cocked my right brow at him and he just kept his death glare on me until he was done drinking the whole shot in one go.

"Well, obviously you don't know enough about my kind, Winchester. I'm not a random vampire." He was calmed and confident and it was bothering me so much.

"Oh, really? … then what are you, sick fangs?"

He chuckled, enjoying the rage he knew he had me in.

"I'm "first blood". One of the five vampires who got turned by the original one. Klaus Mikaelson."

I'd heard about him. The big bad hybrid. A nasty ancient werewolf who turned to a vampire. He must be a tale or something because there wasn't any evidence that could prove he was anything more than a fiction.

"Oh, yeah? What else?" I amusingly mocked him, not believing any of his craps.

"I know you don't believe me. Still I'll tell you anyway. The fact is that except originals, just very special vamps like me can compel humans. And that's the secret only Y/n knows about. … Of course until now that I had to tell you too."

"Compel?" I frowned in confusion, staring at the blood sucker who was done with his second shot. "What does that even mean?"

"Means this!" I heard a whoosh sound and in a heart beat he was standing in front of me, staring in my eyes.

"Sit." He said and despite my will I did!

"What the … hell?" I whispered under my breath, feeling dizzy for a moment.

"That's a compelling process. Making humans do the things you want. Of course in case they don't carry vervain around." He explained, bringing out his phone out of his pocket.

"Watch."

He threw his phone in my lap, rocking the melting ice cubes in his half empty glass. I picked up the phone and started the ready-to-play video. It was a bar. A very silent one when there was just Y/n is one of the stool, drinking something, looking sad and wasted. By judging the point of view and the video's quality I could say it was recorded by the security camera of the place. I could see the time too. 3:14 am! Then I saw the blood boy coming down the stares. Y/n' s was sitting the opposite side so she didn't notice him.

"So you're here … again."

He said, standing right behind her, hands buried in the pocket of his leather jacket. She turned around to look up at him and I noticed she was actually in a deep v t-shirt. Her skin was a little flashed, soft y/h/c locks were framing her delicate face. "It's our anniversary." She revealed, getting lost in her memories, her look fixed on an unknown point on the wall. "He was badly injured, bleeding all over his clothes. Couldn't even breathe properly. And …" she took a deep breath to swallow the lump anyone could distinguish in her tone and I blinked in confusion. What was she talking about? "… in a few minutes his pulse became so weak that I couldn't feel it anymore. I panicked, screamed … even begged but he was unresponsive. Pale like death. With blue lips. And I thought …" she took a shaky breath, closing her eyes tight like even thinking about that memory could've physically hurt her. "I really thought he was dead. So I kissed him and I let those words out … that I love him. A few minutes after that he really came back."

She smiled between her tears and I felt my heart drop in my stomach. She was talking about me, wasn't she? Watching the blood sucker's reaction to her words (whom was moving close and putting his hand protectively on her back), I decided to focus more on Y/n's voice:

"He doesn't know though. He couldn't remember so much about that night. Still thinks he's the one who made the first move."

She chuckled and I stayed Still, trying to figure out why she was sharing these secrets with him instead of me? Why she never dared to tell me? The blood sucker exhaled loudly, closing his eyes for a second to probably gather his thoughts. "Y/n …"

"I can't, Stefan. I can't forget him. I clung to our daughter. As a way out … even a remedy. For this pain. I fell in love because of him. I became a mom because of him. But now I lost … his … our child too. And I can't … You know that I can't. You have been through this with Elena. So you should know … I'm hurting. And I can't stop it!" Her small shoulders trembled when she hid her face in her hands, sobbing painfully. The blood sucker had to bend to take her (from behind) in his arms. "I'm sorry, Y/n..." She leaned back to his body, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her right hand went down to find his locked hands around her belly, the other raised up to touch the left side of his face while he was holding her from behind.

"Please … Make it stop. Make me forget about him. Put me out of this agony." She begged, sobbing."Please … please."

My tears started to whelm when the blood sucker stole the phone out of my almost loosened hands. Frowning I looked up, and he shook his head in sorry.

"She kept begging. But I always thought there has to be a better way. Until …"

He stopped and drank a big gulpe of the liquor before completing his sentence: "She tried to kill herself. Got herself overdosed on drugs. Ended up in ER with a massive heart attack. So …"

"So you compelled her to forget about me." I interrupted him, hunting his eyes with my angry ones, my hands shaped into fists where I had them on my knees.

He shook his head: "I had to."

I keep staring at his face. I couldn't understand why he was truly calm and actually honest with me. After all, I was a hunter. A skilled one. Famous enough for him to know about me. About how I could kill a vamp right away even with a clouded drunk mind and an injured leg.

"You're gonna make her remember." I stated coldly.

"Says who?" He hesitated to answer, pouring himself another shot. If I wasn't busy in my head weighting his words, I could be stunned by how much the old fangs could drink without getting even tipsy. But I was already on my feet again, hissing against the pain flashing through my injured leg.

He could take it as a threat or a command. I didn't care.

"Not possible." He blinked to tear his gaze from me.

"A rare special spell which didn't left any open chances to undo the compel." He finally said, eyes lost at the deep of his glass. "That kind which no one can break it without killing her." He tilted up his head to look at me. And that was when he finally could figure out that I was pointing a gun at him. All ready to shoot.

************

"Detonatable wooden bullets. One shot in the heart and you'll be gone for good." I let him know that I did my research already. That happened after I saw them kissing in the hospital. He raised his hands in surrender and took a few steps toward me till the tip of my gun could touch his chest.

"Then go ahead. Do it."

Those lores weren't kidding when they claimed vamps are actually some corpses who refuse to accept the death. The guy was still calm and in control while my hands were slightly shaking by the force of the rage and the aversion I was feeling with my whole existence.

"What are you waiting for?" Setting his gaze on my face, he questioned. And for the first time I realized how old he was. 120 years? More? I couldn't guess when he was looking like a freaking 32 years strong man. But at that exact moment I suddenly figured out he was much older than me. Maybe wiser too. And obviously much more experienced. He'd seen things I'd never seen. Been in different situations I've never been. So this calm attitude of his had nothing to do with anything but my childish behaviour.

"For her. To come back to her senses. so then I can kill you right away without being worried about her reaction." I clenched my teeth through a smirk. A bitter one.

"So what? You suddenly started to care about her? After all these years? After what you've put her through?"

I don't remember who grabbed the other by the collar at first. But the second we started it, I knew I couldn't win this fight. Not just because I was injured and drunk but because I knew he was right. I knew I messed Y/n up. And it was my fault and responsibility, NOT HIS. But he wasn't allowed to ask such questions that weren't his business at all.

"I will kill you." I spitted through my clenched teeth by the force I felt inside me to promise to myself and him while I had my hands clutched around his neck, blocking his air way as if it could kill him.

"You lost that chance already." He rambled in his chest, adding an ugly laugh to his bitter comment before throwing me to the wall. Bang! Something shattered behind me the moment my back hit the wall, making a bothering whistle go off in my head.

"Face it, Winchester. She will never love you again. She would never make that mistake again. And there is nothing you can do about it. Just like the feelings you have for her which you can never help."

I'm not sure what was worse? the cuts in my back, the pain in my leg or the sting I was feeling in my heart.

"You are … wrong!" I stood up again, fighting against my tears and the vertigo. Looking at his ugly exposed fangs with disgust. "I'll get her back. And you're gonna die in heartache. I'll make sure of it!"

Shaking his head, he laughed mockingly. And before he knew, I attacked him again. Breaking his neck with only my bare hands with such a satisfying crack voice.

"STEFAN!" I heard her scream before i heard the shotgun . Blood splashed and I hit the ground.

"I never thought you can be this stupid, Winchester."

As I lifted my arm to rub my neck, a hot pain flashed through my shoulder and back, making me almost jump on the bed and open my eyes immediately.

"Really, Dean?" A hand reached out to me to support my back so I couldn't stupidly hurt myself again.

"Bela?" I blinked to clear my cloudy sight.

"Can't you just stop fighting and let your body take it's time to recover before you pass out again?" She said while I was looking around, her hand still on my back.

"Is this a hospital?" I blinked once more and whispered under my breath, wondering why I was there.

"Yeah, Y/n called. Wanted me to save your ass. And as I couldn't manage to do it with simple medical supplies, we had to bring you here."

I looked up at her, first taking a glance of her lab coat that had some blood stains on it, then I saw the iv line on my elbow and found out that I was shirtless and barefoot in just a hospital trousers while there was a bandage all around my left shoulder.

"Was she upset that she missed the heart?" My voice sound hoarsed and bitter, more miserable than I expected.

"I don't know, Dean. Did you really tried to kill Stefan?" Bela questioned and straightened her back. Cocking her right brow at me, she folded her arms.

"Yeah, what's wrong with It?" I narrowed my eyes at her, already angry by just hearing that name, catching Bela off guard. But before she had the chance to say anything, a blonde nurse in scrubs knocked on the door and asked if she can enter the room.

"Come on in, Jo." Bela sighed before taking her eyes off of me. Then she moved away from the bed.

"Oh, so he's awake." The nurse said, exchanging a look with Bela. Then she turned around the bed to get closer to me.

"Feel better?" She asked, grabbing my free elbow to wrap a blood pressure cuff around my bicep. Her strength was impressive and I didn't expect such power from a delicate girl like her.

"I'm good" I said, when she brought out a stethoscope from the pocket of her scrubs and pressed the steth to the inside of my elbow just beneath the cuff. When she started to inflate it, I tried to convince her that it's not necessary but she shushed me. So I just sat there looked up at the ceiling in annoyance as she was watching the gauge.

"Yeah. you're better." Blondie smiled, removing the cuff.

"Am I free to go now?" I asked Bela and then turned my gaze on Jo's face. "Where is my clothes by the way?"

"They're torn, baby. You were bleeding like hell. I actually can't believe you can sit up and talk to us right now." She admitted, gazing at me through her lashes.

"That bad?" I frowned in wonder. As she parted her lips to state something, Bela interrupted us: "Thanks for the help, Jo. I got him now."

The blondie left as soon as she saw the look on Bella's not so happy face.

"What's up with you?" I scrutinized her.

"I have the same question about you, Dean. What were you thinking when you went there? Did you really think you can kill Stefan Salvatore and walk away that easily?" She almost hissed through her teeth as her face got flashed by anger. It was like she was trying to warn me. Or threaten … me?

I licked my lips in confusion, studying her. I understood that girls don't like when people bother their besties but why in the love of God someone like Bela would give a damn about that blood sucker? She was the one who called Sammy and me in the first place to come over and help her to save Y/n. She wanted me to give Y/n an opportunity to have a kid again. She knew about us. So why … "Oh, I see …" I looked her in the eyes eyes when finally wheels turned in my head. "You …" I hesitate, studying her body language once more. "… you have a thing for that blood sucker, don't you?"

Suddenly a heavy silence fell on the room. Her pupils got fixed on me, lashes pointed out like shafts. She was looking at me like I was a dangerous target in her radar.

"It's true. Isn't it?" I insisted, shaping a mocking smirk on my lips. "That's why you wanted to be close to Y/n in the first place! That's why you pretend like you're her bestie who cares about her. Because you wanted to remove her from the blood sucker's life!"

"Apparently you have concussion too. I'll tell the nurse to …" she tried her chance to seem reasonable. To ignore me. But no lover could fool another.

So when she took her second step toward the door, I pulled off the v-line and jumped out of the bed and managed to catch her from behind.

To my surprise, she reacted much faster. Grabbing me by the neck, she pushed me against the wall. My breath almost hitched when she slammed my injured shoulder against the wall.

"Stay away from Stefan." She warned, eyes getting red, her veins started to outstand on her skin. Soon her big secret was exposed too: her bloody vampy fangs. "Or try to hurt him again, and I'll kill your bitch in no time!" She hissed resembling a wounded wild animal. A protective tigress.

"You lay a finger on her and watch how I'll rip your fang boy's heart out of his chest with my own hands." I stated with the deadliest look I could manage, sucking in the air when she caused a new wave of hot pain by clutching at my shoulder. "However I don't believe you will hurt Y/n. You would already do that if you could. But you didn't. The thing is the blood sucker loves her and you can't risk making him hate you for good. Or for the rest of this new immortal vamp life you have now!" I mocked, watching how the realization hit her:

"Does that mean you finally figured out why I wanted to get your clumsy ass involved in this?"

- "What? The fact that you're that obsessed to get rid of Y/n that you would seek hunters help?"

- "You're the only one who wants them to break up more than me. That's what I have no doubts about."

I laughed between my coughs when she removed her fingers from around my neck, at the fact that we both were that much patethic to actually do that. Because now she knew it too. She knew that I couldn't live without Y/n. Lovers couldn't fool each others.

"I already feel sick to suggest this but we have to collaborate." She said, pinning me by the arms to the wall.

"YOU and ME? Collaborate?!" I frowned in wonder, still mocking her tone.

"Why not? You want her and I want him. You deserve her and Stefan deserves me. And we can help eachother. This is a win-win situation." She looked calm now.

"And how's that gonna happen?!" I didn't really wonder. It was just another mocking question but before she could say anything, we heard someone's footsteps, entering the room. Bela looked at me with fearful eyes for a brief moment. And just as a manly voice rambled in the room, she captured my lips in a sudden kiss.

"Hey Rose, I wanted to … oh God!"

I recognized the voice. It must be that cardiologist. Jack Sheppard. And I have to admit I was surprised by Bela's move as much as him. However I knew why she had to do that. She needed an explanation for the question that could form in anyone's head with seeing us in that specific situation:

Why was she pinning a patient against the freaking wall!?

"To be continued ..."

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