#anyway that’s my Getting Angry About Fairy Tales for the week

[needle-rose]

Okay I’m not going to reblog the post that inspired this for reasons that will become clear

But I always Really disliked interpretations of Beauty and the Beast (whether the Disney film/s or other animal bridegroom stories) that insist on how “the beast was ~hot~ before he transformed”

And give zero thought to that character’s experience of being cursed to live in a horrifically Wrong form for years on end. And finally being restored to something that feels correct and familiar—and can you imagine the first reaction to that, from the person who fell in love with you and with whom you’re in love, the one who broke the curse, saying “hm I liked you better before”?

I get it might be some kind of attempt to turn the “ugly” curse on its head and instead view it as the more attractive form

But that’s Not The Point!

The animal bridegroom tale is one of the oldest in the indo-European language family and it is time and again about coming to love someone for who they are rather than how they look. If anything the human transformation at the end can be best read as the phenomenon by which the person one loves becomes attractive in the lover’s eyes Because they are beloved.

And you know what sure I acknowledge and respect that interacting with it as a monsterfucker story is something people are going to do and will find the story appeals to them for that reason

But I feel like the instant you think of the Beast character/animal bridegroom as a Human Being who has been transformed against their will, as has traditionally been the case, those interpretations bother me in a way I still struggle to articulate.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: "Altercation at the Auspicious Auction"

Happy, uh... Tuesday, everyone! I'm a little bit behind 😬

Man oh man, but do I have mixed feelings about this episode. While drafting today's recap I kept trying to come up with a summary to start with; an abbreviated takeaway of my overall thoughts - especially for any readers who don't feel like wading through the whole post. Unfortunately, anything that simplistic kinda misses the point, so you all are just gonna have to settle for a, "I'm a glass case of mixed emotions!" while we unpack this episode.

First, a note about our title. Last week I bypassed commenting on "A Place of Particular Concern" for the simple reason that I wasn't sure what to do with it yet. Now, I think I understand the general vibe that RWBY is going for, though it does surprise me a little. The alliteration of "Altercation at the Auspicious Auction" is definitely catchy, but it doesn't have much of a Wonderland feel to it. Carroll's chapter titles were, by and large, descriptively straightforward:

Down the Rabbit-Hole

The Pool of Tears

Advice from a Caterpillar

Who Stole the Tarts?

You get the idea. They're very accessible for a child because although the combination might be new - how does one get advice from a caterpillar? - every element is familiar. They know what a rabbit-hole is, a tart, a pool, tears, etc. just not how those elements are fitting together in new ways. RWBY's titles, meanwhile, are a little more complex. Which isn't a bad thing, they're just not titles that would have fit well into Carroll's original or, arguably, fit the whimsical, fairy tale, 'This is kinda for kids' vibe of the Volume thus far. If anything, what we've gotten reminds me of Lemony Snicket's work. An auspicious auction sounds like it belongs smack dab in the austere academy.

Anyway, let's get into the actual story. Last we left off, Volume 9 was struggling significantly with its tone and I'm sorry to say that things haven't improved in that regard. If anything, the introduction of better written, more emotionally driven scenes means that they're suffering from the endless gags surrounding them and those gags, in turn, feel all the more out of place. We open on the girls all looking out on the world that Blake has revealed to them, though none of the emotion from last week has transferred over. Ruby and Yang are just kinda blank as they stare ahead, whereas Blake and Weiss appear intrigued by what's before them. Blake I can understand - the episode goes out of its way to frame her as the book nerd who's prepared to navigate this world and though I mentioned in a recent ask that Ruby feels more like the fairy tale lover to me, I do really like that Blake is given agency as the bibliophile again - but Weiss spends the entire episode having an absolute crisis over navigating a fairy tale, so why she's animated looking smugly pleased at this development is beyond me.

This is a common problem though, especially is modern RWBY. Unless the story is going out of its way to highlight a particular emotion (such as Ruby's depression at certain points) then everyone is given randomly generic expressions to fill a shot. Rarely do I feel like the smaller moments accurately reflect the overall mood. If a character is angry, they're just as likely to be smiling while someone else talks; if a character is frustrated, they're just as likely to appear content when the focus is no longer on them. In some ways this highlights the difficulties inherent in animation - you can't just let an actor do their job in the background, you have to actively conceive of and construct a characters' every micro-expression - but, the issue of crunch aside, it's still something the show could improve on. If your character is on screen, make sure their expressions actually matches what's been going on.

So we're off to a slightly rocky start and then, of course, we really kick things off with a joke. Yang wants to know if they're just going to stand around thinking about this in silence, or...?

Yeah, we definitely needed the meta acknowledgement that there was a break between episodes and we don't technically know how long the girls were staring at the view in-world. That's absolutely the best way to follow up on Ruby collapsing over the death of a friend🤦‍♀️

It'll come as no surprise to anyone who has seen the episode that this will be a common complaint from me today. Consistently the writing portions out moments for Ruby to be sad about what's happened, neatly separated from the rest of the story, and everything surrounding those moments works very hard to undermine that emotion. For example, in this moment I couldn't help but re-frame what we've been given through Yang's perspective: she saved her little sister and in the process fell into a terrifying void, waking with the thought that she's probably dead. Her arm was stolen from her and she somehow encountered a (meant to be) terrifying beast she wasn't able to fully defend herself against. This led to her reuniting with her team and the realization that them being here meant that they failed spectacularly to defend the world above. Weiss confirms this by tearfully admitting that one of their friends has died and Ruby is so shocked that she passes out.

So how does Yang react to all that? With incredibly bland questions about whether Ruby is okay. No physical comfort. Lots of jokes about their situation and, as we'll see later, an endless desire to punch someone's lights out - but even that is presented as a cute character quirk, not a symptom of her trauma. Yang - and everyone else - is only reacting to the horrors of Volume 8 when the story wants them to react, the Bad Emotions flipping on and off depending on whether the writers want another gag or not.

But I'm getting way ahead of myself. The point is that we begin with this sarcastically cheery tone and segue right into more animation humor. Ruby says that it's impossible that they're in a fairy tale, but Blake points out Little as evidence. (Side-note: how is that irrefutable evidence when the woman giving it is part CAT?) A highlighted mouse and Ruby's sweat-drop convey that yes, this is really happening! Because we can't convince the characters without those humorous details.

Oddly though, Little agrees with Ruby? We see them nodding along when Ruby says they can't possibly be in a fairy tale and right now I'm not sure if that's because they agree with the idea that their obviously real home can't be equated with a made-up story - something Little will outright say in a moment - or if they're just agreeing because, frankly, Little seems confused 99% of the time, but possesses enough emotional intelligence to want to make Ruby happy.

Regardless, with Little acting as (shaky) proof, Weiss revises Ruby's statement to say that it's "improbable" that they're in a fairy tale and we get the trailer line, "Let's look at this more logically, shall we?" You know, I think this line comes across much better here than it does in isolation. It's still not going to be winning any voice acting awards, but the flow of the conversation helps it out quite a bit.

However, I think Weiss', “Okay. I see your point of view. I’m going to go over here now" sounds so much worse.

Before that though she runs through all the plot we've already seen or, in Yang's case, was mentioned off screen while Ruby was unconscious. (And yes, the fact that Yang told everyone about her harrowing journey when the most important person in the world to her couldn't listen in still bugs me.) They all fell from the sky, Ruby met a talking mouse, Weiss and Blake encountered killer vines, and Yang had her arm stolen by a purple racoon. As if the deadpan nonsense of that wasn't enough, the scene needs to inject even more humor by having Little interrupt with a shouted "FRIENDS! :D"

Please note that nothing in this scene emphasizes - or even hints at - Ruby's current emotional state. From the flat expressions as she listens in, to the tiny smile when Little celebrates their friendship, this Ruby is indistinguishable form the girl we've seen for the last four-ish Volumes. As I mentioned above, it's an ongoing problem for me that the Volume is consistently separating Ruby's depression from, well, everything else. I'm not saying she has to be sobbing every second of the episode, but if you can snag a random scene - especially one so soon after her faint - give it to an ignorant RWBY fan, and expect that they'd have no idea based on this animation that she was dealing with the traumatic death of a friend... you need to go back and re-write that scene.

The absurdity of Yang's experience results in Weiss giving up on her logical approach. She gives that line about going over there now, bye-bye, and then we see... uh...

What is this? I have nothing against Weiss struggling with them being here - that actually makes a lot of sense for her character - but do we really need to convey her struggle like this? I literally cannot take the emotional beats seriously when they're surrounded by this Chibi-like silliness. Worse, later in the episode Weiss' comedic grumbling will return and actively interrupt Ruby's grieving.

But we'll get to that.

“As crazy as it sounds, something about this is familiar," Ruby says and then the girls realize that what they've experienced sounds an awful lot like "The Girl Who Fell Through the World." And by "an awful lot" I mean it's nearly an exact, one-for-one recreation. Cool concept! Too bad the viewer barely knew this story existed before the girls landed here. If you'll recall, the fairy tale was mentioned back in Volume 8 when Oscar was captured by Salem, which tells us that the writers realized what they wanted for the upcoming Volume and hastily tried to shove a reference in so this didn't come entirely out of left field. However, this wasn't a successful attempt imo. All we learn from Oscar's conversation with Ozpin is that a) a girl fell through Remnant, b) she wound up in a new world, and c) she returned to Remnant sad because she'd been so changed by her journey. Nothing in that tiny summary tells us what the world was like, or what Alyx experienced there, the two things that would help sell the idea that our characters recognize this environment and the things they've been through. Hell, we don't even learn the girl's name prior to Blake info-dumping the plot. "Alyx" exists only in Roman Holiday, a book I read and 100% did not remember learning the name. How's the average fan not obsessively plugged into every RWBY side-project supposed to emotionally invest in this?

Here then, we see another case where RWBY needs long-term revision. Given that they'd be basing an entire Volume around this fairy tale and putting an emphasis on the girls' knowledge of this story, we needed to spend time actually showing that the girls possess this knowledge; that it's of cultural significance to them. Give us a flashback of Summer reading the fairy tale to a young Ruby. Have the girls reference it during their Beacon days - Weiss makes fun of Ruby for still reading fairy tales when they're unpacking their room, Blake admits that it's one of the few tales she likes because of what Alyx needs to do to survive, Yang reminisces about sharing the story with her little sis. Give us Pyrrha bringing it up when she's asked what her favorite tale is. Ozpin hints during their travels that everything they grew up with is more than it seems, hiding grains of truth. Jaune reads bits of the story to his nephew, they overhear a version while the people of Mantle are trying to find comfort while they wait, there are posters up in Atlas for a movie adaptation coming out next Spring... Obviously some of these aren't possible - I never expected RT to invent a time machine and actually revise the earlier Volumes lol - but if you're going to pull this, "The characters knew this story all along and it was a super memorable part of their childhood" card then there needs to be something to set that up. And if you can't backtrack due to the medium you're writing in, you put off the Ever After Volume until you've done at least some of the work to properly prepare for it. At the very least you do more than have Oscar randomly mention it post-torture session, complete with no identifying information for the viewers to recognize once the Volume 9 trailer drops.

Or, they might have conceived of this as a tale that isn't well known and the girls are damn lucky that Blake is well-read enough to have come across it. But as it stands, Ruby suddenly recognizes where they are, Yang agrees, Weiss casually tosses out that oh yeah, of course they've all read this as kids. Obviously. You just never heard about it until now. Funny that! I found this particularly annoying when Blake suddenly reveals that the entirety of the premiere makes up the plot of this tale: Alyx falls a long distance, meets a bunch of mice, has to deal with killer vines, meets a Jabberwocker (why bother changing the name to little?), and had her knife stolen by a racoon. This is only impactful if the viewer can see the similarities as they're happening and come to the early conclusion that, oh wow, they're reenacting a Remanent fairy tale! What RWBY actually does though is present a bunch of seemingly random events, leaves the viewer for a week, and then comes back to say, "Actually you know what? That was all important!" But, I'd like to emphasize, not in a way akin to foreshadowing. This wasn't deftly planned; a trail of subtle breadcrumbs that the viewer can look back on and go, "Oh my god I should have realized!" We haven't the slightest idea that they're reenacting the plot of a fairy tale until Blake announces that... after its all occurred.

As the girls realize they're living out Alyx's story, there's understandably a bit of push-back. How can that be? It's fiction! (Even though, you know, by now they're well aware that their headmaster lived through a lot of 'fiction' too.) Little pipes up that this place isn't make believe, it's where they live... but doesn't actually provide any useful information beyond that.

Blake then proceeds to lay out the rest of the fairy tale's plot and also, presumably, the basic outline for our season: Alyx beat the Red King at his own board game, met the curious cat, encountered the rested knight (interesting description. I assume that'll be Jaune?), and finally escaped back home through the tree. Of course, if the girl we saw in our opening is really Alyx, then she didn't get back to Remnant (or wherever else she might be from. At this point I'm not putting it past RWBY to introduce a MCU-style multiverse. Especially with the Justice League crossover coming out). Right now, I'm not sure how to reconcile this idea. If Alyx never escaped then how did her story - and all its personal details - make it back to Remnant? Did someone else escape to tell her story? Does Ozpin have some world-traveling powers that we don’t know about yet? Does Alyx?

Maybe that’s not Alyx and this question is pointless.

Ooor maybe this question will simply go unanswered, leaving us with the plot-hole of how her story became a fairy tale so common that everyone from farmers out in Patch to corporate princesses in Atlas grow up on it.

(RWBY has a lot of world building diversity, don’t worry about it.)

Anyway, I do appreciate that this gives the girls a solid reason to seek out the tree. Last week I honestly thought they might be heading there under the ‘logic’ of “Why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” Yes, the tree is massive and at the center of the land, but that kind of marker is only useful if you already know where you’re going - it doesn’t necessarily imply an exit. If anything, my first attempt to get out would have been via the ocean, given that some, like Ruby, appear to have come in with the tide post-fall. Plus it’s the only boundary we’ve seen. But what RT wrote holds together, even if the delivery had problems: Ruby was seeking higher ground and then realized she’s re-living a story where the tree is the protagonist’s way out. Well done, that tracks.

From there though things continue to struggle. Weiss reminds Ruby that she hasn't even found Crescent Rose yet and I thought, foolishly, that this would result in some kind of acknowledgment? Meaning, it's really easy to view this as a symptom of Ruby's declining mental health. As her encounter with Jinxy will demonstrate, she's so hopeless right now that she can't take joy in the things she once loved - or even care about their existence. Weiss is clearly concerned that Ruby hasn't found Crescent Rose, but no one else is concerned that Ruby isn't concerned. There's no mildly shocked, "Oh" from Ruby as she realizes, oh yeah, she's without her beloved, hand-made weapon modeled after her Uncle, perhaps also in connection with her mother, the thing she once turned to for comfort when she didn't know how to make any friends. Ruby: 'I should probably care that I've lost that, huh?' But we get zip in regards to her realizing that this emotionally significant object is still lost in the Ever After somewhere. Worse, no one else reacts to Ruby's lack of reaction. Alarm bells should be going off in Yang's head at the moment, but the episode is too focused on comedy and flirting to let her really check in with her little sister. Yang has come to the realization that Ruby horrifically lost that fight, watched her faint in response to the death of a friend, and now she doesn't even blink at the idea that her prized weapon might be gone for good. By all means, give us bumblebee, I WANT more canonical content (more on that below), but there's a time and a place. Ruby still not having Crescent Rose should be a huge deal for her and when it's not that should be a huge deal for Yang.

Also, I'd like to point that this loss makes Ruby incredibly vulnerable here (as the brief Jabberwock encounter demonstrates), potentially highlighting her less than passionate desire to keep herself safe. So is Yang - or even her other teammates - at all concerned about Ruby's mental health? Her own sense of safety?

Barely. They're not showing much.

I give Weiss props for trying to reach Ruby in a few moments, but Blake and Yang are too busy being wrapped up in each other to bother. (Which could be an interesting conflict/character flaw if the show acknowledged it.) This is the same problem we had in Volume 8: why is Yang worried about Blake when she had a huge fight with Ruby? Because RT can't figure out where to put their bumblebee moments so they don't actively draw away from the other relationships.

Before that though we need to have another gag moment, this time through flashback images of Yang having her arm stolen.

Look at this.

Who decided this was a good tone for the Volume? The contrast between past and present says it all. Yang is looking quite serious as she recalls presumably falling to her death, but we can't take her seriously because the trauma of that is undermined by a circle of cartoon stars over her head. Having her assistive device stolen while she was vulnerable makes Yang furious? Well, it doesn't make the viewer furious because they're too busy laughing at her dramatic reach, Jinxy's equally dramatic, evil design, and the cartoon-y white eyes/exaggeratedly open mouth. Notably, Blake is laughing too, rather uproariously, and I'm surprised that I haven't seen any non-RWDE grumbling from the fandom. After all, weren't people upset when Tai made a joke about Yang's arm, insisting that it was the height of insensitivity? How dare he say such a thing! ... never mind how Yang reacted to it. For me, a father knowing his daughter well enough to help jolt her out of an angry spiral, weeks after the event occurred, is better than a school friend laughing at the traumatic event mere hours after it happened... but that's just me. Apparently, shipping trumps all because it's presented as cute and wholesome for Blake to laugh over Yang having her assistive device stolen after the worst night of their lives. Disarmed, am I right?

Nothing in this scene tells the viewer to take the theft seriously, so... I don't. Yang went through something incredibly difficult after an already horrific night? No she didn't. She experienced an average annoyance, something to laugh at - as Blake demonstrates.

Deciding that they need to track this Jinxy down (I'm not challenging the need for that, especially when it's Yang's arm, but is no one planning to find Crescent Rose too?), the girls head to the nearest town. Cue the already overused joke that Little will lead the way! And then they don't.

We get more info-dumping about this story, including that Alyx accidentally started a war in the town because she went blundering in without understanding their customs. Blake is worried that fictional history might repeat itself which I like because yes, you should be worried about that! Not just because it's basic human decency not to sow chaos in the town you're visiting, not even because they've already seen themselves repeating Alyx's story (fall, mice, vines, theft) and thus have an excellent reason to think that they might repeat her mistakes as well, but because what has this group been doing since Volume 6 except blunder into places and sow chaos? Not intentionally. I am always fully aware that our cast is written to be well-meaning heroes consistently doing the best they possibly can for the people, but even if we believed that they truly had done everything within their power to help (which I often don't), their "best" has still caused irrevocable damage. Intentions aside, the group has tampered with one of the world's few remaining sources of communication, drew a terrifying grimm toan unsuspecting populace, tested the already shaky relations between Kingdoms, lied to their one remaining ally in a way that did nothing to help his declining mental health, risked a major operation on literal, blind trust (which wouldn't be so bad if the story hadn't gone out of its way to paint that as stupid, but only when a non-Team RWBY memeber does it), sat around drinking tea while an actual apocalypse was happening outside, lost two of the magical relics that may well doom the world (a failure that I personally wouldn't blame them for if they hadn't been so stupidly brazen in their "protection": not putting it in the vault, carrying it on their belt, not sending someone through to Vacuo with the Staff, etc.), and to top it all off, made the conscious decision to obliterate two cities, evicting a fourth of the world's population, without even TRYING to find a way to work around that nearly unimaginable consequence. Without even acknowledging it.

Yeah, they should absolutely be concerned about bringing chaos down on these people. The fact that for once they don't when narrative logic says they should is so painfully, hilariously ironic.

What really grinds my gears though is that none of the others care about this possibility when, as outlined above, they should. MAJOR kudos to Blake for being the voice of reason here, but Yang is all, "Yeah, but [Alyx] was kinda a mean person, right? She lied and cheated her way through most of the book."

OH BOY, YANG. HAVE I GOT NEWS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR TEAMMATES.

We don't need a rehashing of all the times they - Yang in particular - have lied, cheated, or been needlessly mean to others, so I suppose all I have left to say is that she's at least consistent? I mean, Yang is by far my least favorite of the group nowadays, especially the version of her that would sneer at Ren for daring to point out that they've made horrific mistakes, but for what it's worth this is the attitude we've come to expect from her. Us? Fuck things up? Never! We're perfect! We're not like mean old Alyx who would do something as awful as lie to people.

Weiss tries to defend Alyx's actions by saying that "she was trying to survive" and grousing that the morals are too simplistic. That's a position I can respect, though I wish it weren't coming from a show that, at the end of the day, pushes such a simplistic perspective. As we've seen plenty of times in the past, RWBY continually claims that it has complex morals while not actually engaging with complex morals.

Just to hammer the point home, I'd like to point out that this conversation about harmful actions and gray morality is broken up by Ruby poking a sleeping Little, trying unsuccessfully to wake them up. After all, nothing highlights the complexity of your story like continuing mouse gags.

Let's put all that aside for a moment though. I've been jumping around just a bit, discussing some conversation pieces out of order because it works better with the flow of the recap. Now, we come to a crucial moment I previously skipped over:

The bees.

Being over a week late with this recap, pretty much everything that needs to be said has been said, to the point where even some non-RWDE folks are tentatively going, "So is that it then? Is it confirmed? Can I say with complete confidence that it's canonical?"

Well... no.

But it's the closest we've ever gotten.

It's also a setback.

Let me explain.

While Blake is laughing it up over Yang having her arm stolen, she gets very flirty. In fact, I think we can make a case that her laughter is exaggerated in an effort to catch Yang's attention, though that doesn't detract from the problem of what she's laughing at in the first place. Regardless, Blake is clearly enamored with Yang in this moment, grinning, leaning real close, teasingly touching their fingers together. They don't hold hands, but the desire is obviously there, and Weiss responds to the flirting with a, "It's about time."

Now, the reason why this is the closest we've gotten to a canonical confirmation is 100% because of Weiss. I wouldn't argue for a moment that this scene wasn't deliberately flirty, but it still holds a certain level of plausible deniability, which is the exact problem all the other Yang/Blake scenes have. Yes, forehead touches, hand-holding, and blushes are all coded as romantic, but until you actually confirm a relationship or interest, homophobes can come back with, "I blush at compliments/hold my friends' hands/they were just overwhelmed after nearly dying! Why do you hate platonic intimacy so much??" (To be clear, I do mean homophobes in this example, not the ace/aro community who might want to see the same things, but for very different reasons.) In fact, I recently came across a tumblr post tagged for arospecs upholding forehead touches over kisses:

Now, I certainly get what OP is saying (and it's worth pointing out the obvious: they don't know anything about my recaps, aren't responding to RWBY, etc. The post just came across my dash). There's an intimacy here that rings as more heartfelt than what we often get with a kiss. After all, kisses are a dime-a-dozen in television, just not for queer people, and largely in response to those restrictions, queer characters have historically been coded through other, intimate touches. So yeah, for some - even those who aren't aro/ace - a forehead touch might mean so much more in a pairing than an outright kiss. But note that the texpost starts with, "sure, fine, your characters kissed, whatever." OP is imaging a scenario in which that confirmation is a given. They kissed. So what? We want more meaningful interactions than just that!

"Just that" being the key phrase. Blake and Yang don't have "just that." They have not kissed. They have not been confirmed, so to argue for forehead-touch supremacy here is insufficient. It's like going, "Who cares about the core outfit. The best part is accessorizing!" Sure, that's a legit opinion, but for anyone who doesn't have any clothes yet, a pair of earrings and a scarf isn't going to cut it.

Despite all this, the line "It's about time" isn't attributed to anything other than romance. If a character looks at two others and says that, they're not talking about anything other than a decidedly non-platonic interest. So this, on its own, is definitely something to celebrate and is by far the most solid piece of evidence that the bees will be 100% confirmed by the end of the Volume.

Nevertheless, I have to ask: why are we still in the flirting stage?

Yes, Weiss makes a 'They like each other' comment that really can't be interpreted as anything else, but the comment itself translates to, 'It's about time they admitted they liked each other.' Now, if Blake had kissed Yang - or asked her out on a date, said "I love you," whatever confirmation we're each personally leaning towards - then we'd be golden. It's about time they did that? Yeah, it sure is! But the actions Weiss responds to are that flirty dialogue and a minuscule hand-brush, both of which we've seen before. A fair bit, actually.

This is what I mean when I say the moment is regressive. Weiss is acting like Blake and Yang have taken this huge step forward in their relationship, but the reality is that they've gone backwards, from full-on hand-holding to tentative brushes. The hand-holding already wasn't enough, as established, but now we're meant to cheer for an aborted hand-holding instead? I suppose it's possible to read this purely from Weiss' perspective. Meaning, she wasn't out in the shed when Blake took Yang's artificial hand. She wasn't at the Adam fight (even though she should have been...) to see their actual step forward, clasping hands as one and promising to defend each other. And though she was there, I doubt Weiss was paying them any mind when they had their moment of comfort on the airship, or even when Yang complimented Blake's new haircut. So yes, from Weiss' limited perspective this might actually be a significant change. Most of the girls' development has occurred in private and they haven't shared these changes with the group, so of course Weiss is going to go, 'Oh wow, Blake is leaning in close and teasing Yang with intimate finger brushes - they've never done that before! It's about time! :D'

But - and this is a crucial 'but' - neither the story nor RWBY's marketing present this as something solely from Weiss' perspective. Despite making this "It's about time" statement to Ruby, she doesn't come back with any additional knowledge to catch Weiss up to speed. There's no moment when Blake and Yang turn around to reveal that, oh yeah, we've actually been flirting like this for a while - culminating in an on screen admission of their feelings. And the official RWBY twitter puts out stuff like this:

The audience isn't supposed to work through who knows what like I've done above, they're just meant to celebrate that omg, the girls touched fingers!! Never-mind that they've gone past that before and, as said multiple times, that's not enough.

Do I think the bees will be confirmed this Volume given that this is the most overtly anyone has acknowledged the relationship? Yes. Do I think it's a problem that after nine years we're still in the barely flirting stage when other, straight relationships - even slowburns like renora - have already been explicitly confirmed? Also yes.

RWBY is writing this badly and I again question where most Yang/Blake fans are coming from. Either you're old enough to recognize queerbaiting and are likely wary as fuck that we'll get a repeat here, or you're young enough that you've grown up with queer ships that are unambiguously canonical within the first few seasons - if you even had to wait that long - in which case this 'Are they or aren't they?' dance should seem ridiculous. All I can imagine is that the RWBY fandom's tendency to rewrite canon has led to a legitimately inaccurate reading of the text. The same way that people will claim that their headcanons 100% happened on screen and will not be dissuaded even when you stick screenshots under their nose and go, "Look! That's literally not happening here!" I wonder how many fans imagined up a romance and just... honest to god think we've already gotten it. Not that anyone is literally hallucinating or anything, just that there's this pervasive trend of imprinting what one imagines onto the text. What do you mean Ironwood wasn't a dictator the whole time? What do you mean Ruby is repeating the actions she's criticized others for? What do you mean Blake and Yang aren't dating? We've spent so long rewriting the canon online that it's now hard as hell to differentiate between those creative hopes and what has actually happened on screen.

So yeah. I want to praise this moment. I am praising it just because this is the most we've ever gotten out of RWBY in terms of non-background character queer rep, but damn is it still falling short of what it could be.

It's worth pointing out that Ruby has no reaction to her sister almost-dating her teammate, but I give this a pass because Ruby is so obviously lost in her own, dark thoughts. In fact, she doesn't even seem to follow what Weiss is commenting on. As we'd expect, their semi-private conversation turns dark and Weiss stops walking. “It’s all gone. There’s nothing left for me to go back to," she says.

I'm really glad they're acknowledging that Weiss didn't just broadly mess up along with the rest of the group, but that she, specifically, has lost her home too. I honestly thought the acknowledgements would end there, but when Ruby tries to comfort with a, “You did the best you could for Atlas, Weiss” she shoots back with, “We hatched a crazy plan that put a whole kingdom at risk!”

Yeah you did! Thank you for finally saying that!! If we can't have heroes weighing the repercussions of their actions prior to engaging with them, at least give me heroes who will grapple with their mistakes after the fact. I mean, like with Yang I have a very hard time taking Weiss' grief and self-recrimination seriously when the majority of her struggle has been depicted through absurd gags... but beggars can't be choosers. This, coupled with Ruby's closing line of the episode, gives me more hope for the girls' development than I've had in years, certainly more than we got from Ren's argument with Yang.

As a sidenote though, I wish they hadn't hidden Weiss' face for the majority of this scene. I liked it when this cinematography was used to emphasize how she was hiding from her teammates - AKA when she was keeping Penny's death a secret - but now? Everyone knows everything (for the most part, anyway) and it would add a hell of a lot for the viewer to be able to see the struggle taking place on Weiss' face. Of course, the animating of emotions this Volume has been iffy, as acknowledged earlier, so maybe it is for the best that they didn't try and then fail to depict that kind of sorrow. Not when vaguely wet eyes and mostly blank expressions have been our norm. Still, when we have this important a character moment I don't want to be staring at Weiss' back, or her ridiculously complicated belt. Let me see her.

(I just realized that combining those screenshots makes it look like Weiss has messed up shoulders and a head turned round backwards whoops lololol.)

Another weird detail is that Weiss seems to be under the impression that Jaune may have saved the Relics. Sorry, but what? I'd buy this as a holding out hope situation if the whole group didn't know that Cinder had the Lamp and if Weiss, as the last to fall, wasn't at least vaguely aware that Cinder had snagged the Staff too. I mean, I'd have to re-watch the finale to get the exact timing, but I don't think it was that long between Weiss falling and Cinder flying off to make a new wish. Besides, what's the healer of the group going to do against a fully powered Maiden, especially without the rest of his team? It's not a literal mistake/retcon, just a really weird thing to have your character believe. I'm kinda getting the vibe that the writers didn't want to list all the ways the group fucked up - because yeah, that's overwhelming. That's what we've been saying! - so some mistakes are just kinda... glossed over. 'Well sure, we destroyed a Kingdom, Penny died, and we're now lost in this world, but maybe the Relics are still safe!' Mmm no, sorry. The only 'Well maybe' I'll accept is in reference to the people of Atlas being safe because yeah, there's no reason for Weiss or the others to know that they wound up in a grimm-infested sandstorm. I definitely give Weiss a pass for not realizing how her wish screwed them over - "One way ticked to Vacuo" - because it literally took Oscar summoning up a memory he didn't have to figure that out. I mean, I'm in full agreement with what others have said: it would be great if Weiss did realize/learn that at some point and was forced to grapple with the fact that the lack of help she's so angry over was, in fact, her fault... but I don't expect her to realize that on the fly, especially not when she's dealing with so much else in the Ever After.

I mean hell, I can barely remember the last sentence I wrote here. If you wanted me to backtrack through a conversation I had hours ago to find a linguistic mistake I made - when I don't even know there is a mistake I'm looking for - I'd be screwed lol.

As the conversation continues Weiss also acknowledges that learning about Penny's death must have been "a lot to hear" and - pushing back against my earlier frustration with the characters' expressions - Ruby actually looks affected by this. By and large I think this is the best interaction we've gotten in a while, right up through Ruby just walking away, unable to even respond to that statement yet. Unlike hiding Weiss' face, or Ruby fainting instead of otherwise reacting to the tragedy, this doesn't feel like a cop-out, but rather a legitimate, believable response. She's not capable of processing this yet, let alone chatting it out with Weiss.

Unfortunately, this engaging emotion doesn't last for long. As expected, I've seen posts in the larger RWBY fandom criticizing our criticisms, claiming that all RWDE folk want are "doom and gloom" for the girls; something "edgy." To which I can only respond with a "Nah." I like horror and tragedy and morally gray storytelling, but if we're defining "doom and gloom" as a work that has nothing but hopeless pessimism to impart, I'm not here for it. All I want is a Volume that appropriately engages with the darker tone introduced in Volume 3 and ramped up like WHOA in Volume 8, without cracking its foundation with constant, contradictory jokes.

In short, we have really done without another, humorous' moment where Little proves themselves useless - they have no idea what lies beyond the bridge, despite offering to guide Team RWBY on this journey - as well as a long sequence (long for a 15-20 minute episode, anyway) wherein Little tries to build themselves a home because...? I mean, I get that they don't know their way back to the village, but what made them think they weren't continuing on with the girls in the first place? I think the logic is loosey-goosey because the writers just wanted an excuse to have Little build a rickety home to fall apart. While singing. While the group has over-the-top reactions to that. Gags upon gags upon gags.

Continuing on, they arrive at the town and I've gotta say, I really like the design here. The red of the architecture pairs nicely with the deep green sky. As a fantasy aesthetic, I mean. I do wish this had carried over onto the actual streets though. We loose that cohesion among the townspeople and, frankly, they look bad in comparison.

We get a little discomfort from the girls as they navigate among sentient game pieces and we're shown a closeup of a flyer advertising the birthday of "His Most Royal." I'm writing this paragraph having seen Episode 3, so kudos to RT for keeping that title vague. As the groups awkwardly move through the crowd we get what is, hands down, the best line of the Volume so far:

Blake: "Just act like you belong."

Little: "I've always wanted to be long, but I'm still just small."

Hilarious. Witty. 10 out of 10. That's the kind of Caroll-esque humor that could permeate the Volume without undermining the darker tone. Too bad this is currently a one-off moment.

They spot Jinxy's caravan. “So what’s the strategy?" Yang asks, eagerly looking back at her teammates. "Just start roughing 'em up, or what?” Ah yes, Yang. Start an attack with innocent, defenseless civilians all around you. I honestly hate how her solution to everything is still 'Get angry and punch things.' Not because that's a bad trait in a character, but because Yang specifically went through an arc to get better at that. Yet instead of improving, or have a story that engages with her failure, she's just as impulsively violent as she's always been, but now it's treated as a justified response at best, a cute quirk at worst. Here we've got Option #2 with Yang smiling, acting like beating up Jinxy is a fun outing for her and her friends.

And you know what? No, I don't really care that this is all to get her arm back because as the girls should have learned by now, the Ever After doesn't follow their rules. We know, post-scene, that Jinxy is legitimately a conman who knowingly stole Yang's arm, but crucially none of the characters know that. Not for sure. This is a world where mice talk, vines move on their own, people are made out of wood, and most don't even know what a human is. The group should at least be questioning Jinxy's motivations in a world where everything is (supposedly) so topsey-turvey and, in turn, questioning whether it's right to go in gun's blazing. Hell, I actually would have liked that better. Give me a Jinxy who honestly didn't realize he was doing something wrong. You were just lying there, possibly dead, that metal thing is clearly not a part of your squishy body - it detaches! - and as your mouse friend will clearly tell you, it's not stealing if no one sees you do it. What are you so upset for? Give me a scene where Yang has to acknowledge her, 'Attack first, ask questions later' response to every. single. problem. Give me a RWBY where Yang is allowed to be wrong again.

Blake at least tries a peaceful approach. She looks as uncomfortable with Yang's attitude as I am (is that ever going to come up in their budding relationship?) and reminds her that Alyx bartered for her knife back. Yang's response?

"Yeah, I think I'd rather hit him :D"

We get our first real look at Jinxy when he comes out to start his auction. I'll admit this never even crossed my mind while first watching, but uh... yeah. I see what people mean about the Romani stereotyping. The brightly colored, free-flowing clothing. The caravan. The travel (the fact that Jinxy can trick these townspeople implies that he's never been here before; never staying in one place for very long). The characterization as a dangerous charlatan scamming unsuspecting innocents. It's not a one-to-one comparison - stereotypes very rarely are - but there's enough there to catch a glimpse of the writers' bias. It's unfortunately a rather common bias and, as said, one that those like myself won't always immediately spot, but that's why it's important to point it out. There are so many ways of depicting a conman. Why did you choose the version that looks distinctly like a marginalized ethnic group?

The answer is likely just ignorance but again, that's why we discuss such things. We need to help others - and ourselves - do better in the future.

Obviously unaware of the uncomfortable implications, Weiss exclaims that Jinxy is oh so cute and Blake comments that he looks older than he appeared in the book, perhaps providing evidence that a significant amount of time has passed since Alyx fell. We learn that Jinxy screws over people by selling trash disguised as treasure, so Yang will have to let her heart tell her which is her arm.

Spoiler: Yang doesn't use her heart to find her arm. Oh, she correctly identifies her arm, but only because it's the most arm-shaped, yellow colored thing on the stage. I honestly expected that not to be her arm because that's how situations like these go in stories, right? It's never the most obvious choice... but in this case apparently it is! I want to emphasize though that Yang does not choose this because she has an emotional connection to the object. We are explicitly shown what that connection looks like via Ruby and Yang, in comparison, basically points and chooses at random.

So that's an awful way to depict her relationship with an assistive device, but it is consistent. We see Yang first emerge with her arm with very little fanfare - the audience doesn't watch her decide to put it on for the first time, nor do we see her actually experiencing those first moments. From there her arm is used largely for jokes - scaring Nora, new puns - or is left behind to get an advantage in a fight. (Which, I'd like to clarify, I don't dislike on its own, but it is relevant in the grand scheme of how Yang approaches her prosthetic.) Last Volume she's given a line about how it is not an important part of her identity, it continues to be used for humor purposes now, and when a fantasy mouse says, 'What does your heart tell you? Which is your arm?' Yang's response is a straightforward, 'I don't know.' For me, this moment perfectly encapsulates how hollow Yang's disability journey has been, all the way back to her simply not caring that another disabled ally procured her a state-of-the-art device. Though it makes for a lackluster scene, to put it mildly, I admittedly would have scoffed if Yang had felt some call to her arm because when has RWBY ever established that? It hasn't, so yay keeping things consistent I guess?

Also, just the fact that all of Jinxy's wares are bits of trash disguised as treasures says a lot. Unlike my little rewrite above, we don't get any exploration of Ever After's culture that reveals that Jinxy has no idea what this arm is, why it might be important, etc. So literally the narrative is just saying, 'Others think Yang's assistive device is trash' and we leave it at that. Fantastic.

As said though, Ruby does feel a pull towards the little doll on the stage, though she can't say why. As she stares, Jinxy sells his first 'treasure' for... a hug.

...

.....

..........

"And what happened, then? Well, on Tumblr they say that Clyde's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of RWBY came through, and Clyde found the strength of ten turtles, plus two!”

I'm not gonna lie, I thought that detail was super fucking cute. Hugs acknowledged as incredibly valuable? Hell yeah! I like that the townspeople are paying in ways beyond handing over [insert fantasy money name here]. That's a nice world-building detail and when Jinxy has to give the hug back when his con is exposed? Fantastic. This scene might be struggling like whoa with the larger concepts, but many of the details are really nice.

When it's time to sell the arm both Yang and a nearby royal guard raise their hands. However, Jinxy asks for "knowing what it is to feel love" and, with a glance at Blake, Yang gives up the bid. If they were going to tease the ship some more, maybe specify romantic love? As it stands, Yang should be backing down regardless of whether there's a relationship in the works because love as a broad concept would have her losing everything: love for her sister, her teammates, her family, her home, for adventure. That's not a Blake specific thing, that's a, 'Holy shit he's asking her not to be human anymore' thing.

So it makes sense then that a wooden puppet, nameless and identical to every other guard, existing only to serve "His Most Royal" would be able to pay that price.

Of course, losing what she assumes is her arm (because remember, she doesn't actually know that yet) makes Yang angry. Check out Blake's totally chill, not at all worried, definitely not uncomfortable look.

Finally we come to the doll, which Ruby immediately bids on. However, like Yang's, Jinxy asks too high a price: fill this jar with hope. It's a bit on the nose, but I like the idea, as well as the shot of the doll sitting dejectedly through the jar's reflection.

However, I think this moment would have had far more of an impact if Ruby had tried to fill it. Sure, she's clearly struggling right now, but why doesn't Ruby at least make an attempt? Especially given that one of her most defining traits lately is to sink deeper into denial: I'm fine, everything's fine, we're going to get home, we're going to fix things, why would anyone be doubting that? Of course I can fill the stupid jar! Let her angrily charge up to the stage, snatch the jar, glare in annoyance because duh it's going to fill... but then it doesn't and her expression falls. That's when Jinxy can say, "You can't, can you?" Simply announcing that to the audience is probably the least compelling way to go about this. Oh, our story is telling us things again rather than showing them? Groundbreaking.

While all this is going on Little has scampered up on stage to fucking steal the doll and you know what? Good on Little. That's the first thing they've done that hasn't felt like a waste of time. I especially like that this calls back to the Ever After rule that it's not stealing if no one sees you do it. "Fairs fair," they say.

Given that Little took the 'treasure' before Jinxy received his payment, his spell is broken and all the objects are revealed as the 'trash' they always were. The random citizen finds a mouse in his hands, the guard screams as he sees Yang's arm in his hands, and the doll turns into...

Penny's sword.

(Get it? The green doll was a green sword belonging to a not-real girl? Everyone got it, right?)

Say, did anyone else expect it to be Crescent Rose? Ruby feeling an emotional connection to an object while her beloved weapon is still missing, lost in a world where a Racoon picks up any random objects to sell? That would make a LOT more sense than Penny's sword winding up in the Ever After. As I explained in an ask, Penny made those swords out of her Maiden powers and they disappeared as soon as Cinder struck her in the chest. Of course they did, she likely lost control of her aura/magic as soon as she took a killing blow. But apparently the swords actually hung around despite Penny passing her powers to Winter, despite being dead, and were... blasted? All the way to the edge of the bridge?? From a blow that didn't have any force behind it??? Yeah sure, totally believable.

So instead of resurrecting Ruby's love for the weapon she designed and re-arming her before the team faces any real danger - because there are no battles these first two episodes - we get another emotional moment without a real foundation underneath it. The writers were so eager to continue Ruby's grief arc specifically through Penny (even though SO MUCH has happened that she could be triggered in any number of ways) that they just kinda... forgot to set that up...

I do like the moment itself though. I think Ruby's frantic run to the sword, her gasp, her clutching the sword to her chest and crying over it - all that is well done. Certainly better than much of what we saw in episode one. I just wish this wasn't so freaking contrived.

In the realm of not setting things up, we get another severely awkward moment as the group "escapes." I put that in quotation marks because, well, the problem is that they're not escaping from anything. Jinxy isn't trying to attack them for revealing his con, the townspeople don't mistakenly blame them for things, and though the guards will show up in a bit, they're notably not seen chasing them yet. So we've got Yang and Blake booking it out of there, Weiss walking leisurely away, Ruby barely paying attention, all of it with nothing seemingly happening in the background.

Then they wind up back in the forest with:

Yang [out of breath]: "Those people... take auctions... VERY seriously”

No they don't? This implies that the people were turning on the girls for ruining their auction, but none of the civilians were paying them any mind. The most we see is the guy who bought the bunny getting his hug back which, you know, is kinda the opposite of a mad crowd threatening violence for this deception. Yang functions more as a threat at the start of all this than the group they're supposedly running from. Blake literally starts freaking out about how they're "ruining everything!" and I'm like you didn't? Nothing happened?? I mean, yay Blake continuing to take responsibility for their actions, but in this case the girls legitimately didn't cause any problems. In the story Alyx started a war because she didn't know how to properly deal with the townspeople, so I expected the team's visit to go equally as bad; something to explain Blake having a crisis once they'd left. All they did was reveal a conman though, a conman everyone is only passively angry at. Please give me my hug back, sir, and shame on you for tricking us. We will all calmly disperse now.

I know it's years too late, but RWBY really needs to learn how to show what they want depicted on screen.

We learn that the theories were right about the weather being influenced by others' emotions - or at least Ruby's emotions in particular. As she sits down with Penny's sword a localized storm starts and, in a few moments, we'll hear a guard shout that someone's sad over there. So this is a useful tool for showing (good job!) that Ruby is really struggling right now, even if she appears calm on the outside, and I'd have so much more to praise about the scene if it hadn't been ruined by freaking Weiss.

Seriously, forget Little. Weiss is by far the most annoying character this Volume.

So after Ruby fainted at the news that her dear friend had died, unexpectedly discovered her sword, and now sits with a grief so heavy it magics up a storm to drench them all, her teammates do... nothing. Honest to god they do nothing. Yang has a single, "Ruby?" before the scene is stolen by Weiss having a temper tantrum. She doesn't like Blake's idea that they're following in Alyx's footsteps - even though everything they've done has followed in her footsteps - and starts ranting about how "We are not in a book!" and even if they were, they know the ending takes place at the castle, so let's go. Does Weiss care that Ruby is sitting there in shock, even after she tried to connect with her earlier? No. Does Yang care that her sister is loosing it two feet away? No. Does Blake? Nope. Does the narrative? Absolutely not. Ruby sits in background while Weiss has more stupid comedy moments, getting trapped in a loop and hitting herself in the head with a rock.

I keep seeing celebratory posts about how the show is tackling Ruby's grief, but it's not? It's introducing her grief and then immediately ignoring it. Ruby cries and then finds a cute mouse to distract her. Ruby faints and just brushes past that - she's fine. Ruby finds her dead friend's weapon, but why would we focus on that when we can watch Weiss hilariously knock herself out? I feel like the stock answer to these complaints is always something along the lines of, "They're working up to Ruby's breakdown," but frankly I don't care if they are. The execution is atrocious now and a sudden swerve into respectful storytelling isn't going to change that.

Plus, as I've mentioned previously, these moments don't help convince me that the girls care for each other outside of the dramatic, self-sacrificing actions added to finales. Bad enough that everyone ignored Ruby's faint and extended no care towards her, but now they're literally just standing there as she suffers. This is by no means a new problem, but the heroes have become so passive the last few Volumes. What happened to Black who marched right up to Weiss and let her how important the faunus are to her? The Yang who squared off against her mother just to reach her little sister? Weiss delivering a cup of coffee and checking in with her newly acknowledged leader? Say what we will about Volume 8 - and we've all said a lot - but at least there Yang puts her arm around Ruby and tries to comfort her on the steps, no matter how much denial that comfort required. Now? Now Yang just stands there because again, why comfort her little sister when Weiss is making a fool of herself?

At least this has some basic care and human decency behind it.

"This way!" the royal guards yell. "Someone's sad!" Yeah and her teammates don't care. Sure, we know in the way someone knows who reads the script, or who knows the writers' intentions, that of course Team RWBY all love each other so, so much... but man, would it kill them to show it more?

As the guards show up we get an interesting shot of Ruby that mirrors the one with Jaune's blade--

--and then she pulls herself together enough to face them, deciding that if Alyx went to see the Red King then they will too.

Ruby offers to give the guards “the weapon of a powerful warrior," AKA Penny's sword, and what follows is a legitimately emotional speech:

"[She was] the most powerful [warrior] to ever live. She was touched by magic and she gave her life for thousands. She took a message of hope to the stars and she saw the world through better eyes."

At least, it would be legitimately emotional if it hadn't been undercut, again, by all the comedy. We just had Weiss loosing it. The guards all "OOOOOO" loudly over the sword. Then they burst into exaggerated tears at Ruby's words, complete with their toy horses crying too. I've said it a million times now and I'll say it again: you can't expect me to take these moments seriously if the story can't take them seriously.

Also, I have to ask... why is Ruby giving the sword up? The logic is that they're trying to get to the Red King, but they were already heading to the Red King. That is, the guards were after them, trying to take them into custody for ruining the birthday present. So why bother with this bribe? It's simply not necessary, especially since they're still basically escorted as prisoners, guards on all sides. It's not like these guards are presented as terribly intelligent. All Ruby needed to do was go, "Oh, we're so sorry for ruining His Majesty's special day. Yes, please take us to him so that we can apologize in person. Your Majesty, can we please make it up to you by playing some games? Etc. etc."

The sword is a needless addition and that wouldn't be a problem if it didn't (supposedly) have such emotional impact. Ruby just found this piece of Penny. This is, likely, the last bit of her she'll ever encounter... and she's going to just give that up? Literal minutes after she found it? To a bunch of identical goons who snatch it up and run off in another, stupid gag? Once again, this is not convincing me that Ruby is having an authentic grief arc. She might be sad for the whole Volume, but each individual moment is ignored or "solved" almost instantaneously. To say nothing of the fact that Ruby is without her weapon. She has the PERFECT, practical excuse to hang onto Penny's sword with everyone, characters, and audience alike realizing that her logic is hiding a harder truth: she can't give it up. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But then sure, give me a moment at the end of the Volume when Ruby must part with the sword for some reason, to save another, or further their cause. Giving it up now, especially when it's not necessary, makes the supposed attachment she feels to it ring hollow.

This is just so... meh. I honestly thought we'd be getting an updated version of this for a second.

As they follow the guards to the castle Ruby bitterly tells the girls that they need to "stop pretending we know what we’re doing." Hell yeah, Rubes, that's the first time we've agreed in a while. Whether or not anything comes of this line is still to be seen, but I'm happy that their failure - stemming from arrogant complacency -  was at least acknowledged. It's definitely a hard-hitting line to end an otherwise goofy episode on.

Now! I'm off to try and write up "Rude, Red, and Royal" in... three days🙃

Thanks for reading! <3

[undiamas18]

A week later.

Noah: (Goes up to the room) How was the movie?

Kira: Very boring.

Noah: Why don't you change the channel?

Kira: I can't find the remote.

Noah: (Bends down) You must have thrown it at the foot of the bed without realizing it.

Kira: Nope, I already looked around. It's not there. It's gone. It's gone to Narnia.

Noah: (Searching) I found it!

Kira: (Moans) Aaaaagggg… I swear I looked for it.

Noah: (Turns off the player and sits next to him) I wanted to tell you something Ki.

Kira: I'm listening.

Noah: (Anxious) Ummm... well... I'm sorry I pressured you into having a child. I don't want us to separate if your answer is negative. I don't like the distant environment.

Kira: (Surprised) And who is distant?

Noah: (Anguished) This week I felt you were very cold with me.

Kira: I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I was thinking about what we talked about and I think that took me out of my orbit, but I'm not angry if that leaves you calm.

Noah: (Sad) You don't have to think about it anymore. I decided that the best thing is to continue as until now, just the two of us. Maybe we could adopt a pet. I like cats.

Kira: You give up so easily? I'm sure all that stuff about wanting to start a family with me was just a fairy tale.

Noah: No, it was always my dream.

Kira: I don't believe you, you changed your mind so quickly.

Noah: Because I don't want to end our relationship. Besides, I imagined myself raising a baby on my own and I couldn't do it even in my dreams.

Kira: I would never leave you alone with something like that. I imagined us separated and you crying next to the baby. I came to the conclusion that I would come to help you anyway.

Noah: You know, it's very difficult for me to decipher what you're trying to say.

Kira: It's because I speak Vulcan that's why you don't understand. I'll translate it for you: me + you = baby.

Kira: (He stands up quickly) I'm starving, I'll go get food.

Noah: (Blocks his path) Are you serious?!

Kira: (Sighs) I thought it over and if this is so important to you, I agree to be your co-pilot. (Emphasis) BUT...!

Noah: (Listens attentively) But?

Kira: (Evil smile) I'll choose the name.

Noah: (Happy) Okay, but normal names. I don't want him to be bothered at school.

Kira: You don't look very happy. Do you really want a child or not?

Noah: (Nervous smile) I actually want two, but I'll settle for one.

Kira: You know it won't be easy, right?

Noah: That's why I want to do it with you.

Kira: Time to look at options. You plan, I execute.

Previous

https://www.tumblr.com/undiamas18/772503574884352000/kira-whats-wrong-baby-why-are-you-crying-noah?source=share

Next

https://www.tumblr.com/undiamas18/772573566089723904/two-years-later-noah-luki-should-we-read-the?source=share

[freezegirl]

thinking about ouat!khione. and i don't mean that in the some mad science doohickey explodes and kie gets yeeted to storybrooke and ends up looking for her friends way but in the she was always part of that particular story type of way.

ouat!kie whose fairy tale story is a mixture of the goose girl and the golden goose (the latter of which is both one of her nicknames and a nod to her last name in storybrooke, even though - ironically - that last name has nothing to do with geese in general) as well as the snow queen - she is a mix of the snow queen, gerda and kai.

ouat!kie whose parents are continuously "out of town" for work obligations. ouat!kie who is from the richer part of town but who helps out in the mayor's office, anyway, because what else is there to do after school? ouat!kie who is so close to graduating but never quite makes it to graduation because of the curse resetting.

ouat!kie who used to babysit h.enry until she was relieved from that particular duty because "you're too cold, for one, and you keep filling up my son's head with stories, miss goossens".

ouat!kie who spends her time at the storybrooke ice rink and does snow sculpting on the side. ouat!kie who has to spend 28 years without active powers yet feels the chill in her bones, anyway, day in, day out.

ouat!kie who only knows what it's like to be warm within dreams. ouat!kie who keeps having flashes about fire and a boy with the most brilliant smile. about his arms holding her tight. about scorching kisses and kisses so cold that they burn.

ouat!kie who ends up at the paper lantern, again, and again, and again. ouat!kie who runs into ouat!warren, anyway.

ouat!kie who is so, so angry at r.egina m.ills - and by proxy, everyone around her for coddling mayor m.ills instead of, as she sees it, making her face the consequences of her actions - after e.mma breaks the (first) curse. all of this because a ten year old spilled a secret? ugh.

ouat!kie, running around town trying to find will, layla, zach, magenta, ethan and warren because they have always been her first priority and remain so across the board.

ouat!kie, genuinely and sincerely planning to sue r.egina to the point of going to the library to research how to get all of that started before realizing that none of this would hold up in court.

e.mma finding ouat!kie at r.egina's crypt of hearts, in tears, trying in vain to open the damn thing, because there's gotta be a way to keep that woman accountable for all she's done, isn't there?!

ouat!kie who goes to see archie twice a week.

(ouat!kie whose suggestion of taking an ice hammer to r.egina's face gets vetoed by layla each time because "there is a more peaceful solution for that" / "yes, using your vines to---" / "no! no, you sound like magenta!" / "well, if we can't do that, then the least we can do is take her wealth away.")

[recurring-polynya]

Congrats on 15k followers!

Between Tides is probably my favorite fic of yours, and I'd love to hear what different takes you had for the cover backstory.

Between Tides was the first really long fic I ever wrote, and I had not yet developed my current outlining system. Suffice it to say, I did not have the "mystery" part of the plot very well determined in my head when I started. There were originally a couple more important characters that got cut, and part way through the story, Renji was supposed to get a part-time job teaching at a martial arts dojo (for plot reasons), and the original cover story was related to that. I guess I probably had to rewrite it when I junked that subplot. I had legitimately forgotten about this until I was looking through my notes. I have to say, it is astonishing how well the plot-plot of Between Tides hangs together, given the extremely seat-of-my-pants manner in which it was written.

Also, here's another fun fact that I had forgotten until I found it in there: the name Satonaka came from the main character of the film After Life, a movie about a counseling center for the recently dead . I watched it in my college Japanese film course and it permanently rewired my brain. It was out of print for a long time, but I just now found out that it was re-released by the Criterion Collection in 2021 and guess what this bitch will be doing with her 7-day free trial?

Enough of that. Here is the OG Satonaka teen love drama. I am warning you now that this is super-duper unedited and I'm kind of embarrassed about it, but I love you all very much, so I am letting you look at it anyway.

🌊 🌊 🌊

Fortunately, Rukia had now been doing this long enough that she was starting to be given tasks that she had done before. The sensation of responding “I just emailed it to you!” or “Check the printer!” every time her boss demanded something held some of the same satisfaction as a well-executed squad maneuver. 

Unfortunately, this also meant that when the afternoon rolled around, Sunadori crashed extra hard. She moved her chair over to Rukia’s desk, and sat, leaned over, with her cheek on Rukia’s blotter.

Rukia wasn’t sure, but she thought they might be best friends now.

“I think I want to get back together with Haruta,” she sighed despondently.

“Hmmm,” Rukia replied. “Are there... pros and cons?”

“Did I mention we dated for a while? When we were much younger?”

“I could tell.”

“You could tell?”

“It’s...a common scenario,” Rukia hedged, glancing at the photo of Takeru on her desk.

“He was so angry about his dad’s death,” Sunadori sighed. “And it was like he blamed me. I couldn’t be around him. But he seems different now that he’s back from college. Everyone’s really sick of him talking about his aikido class, but I think it’s really helped him find himself.”

“Hmmm,” Rukia repeated. She was pretty sure this conversation was not generally appropriate for a Living World employment situation. On the other hand, she needed to get more intel on Oga, and this seemed like a really prime opportunity. Also, in the grand scheme of inappropriate captain-lieutenant dynamics she had heard stories about, this didn’t even merit an eyeblink.

“Mr. Satonaka seems very nice. I’m sure you two had a fairy-tale romance.” Sunadori stared at his photo wistfully. She was obviously an oversharer to start with, and for some reason, she was already weirdly invested in her employee’s love life. Rukia decided to throw out some bait.

She blew all the air out of her cheeks. “Hardly. It’s a long, stupid story, it wouldn’t be appropriate for work.”

Sunadori sat up sharply. Hook, line, and sinker. “It’s the week before New Year’s, no one gets anything done anyway. Tell me everything.”

It might seem counterintuitive for Rukia to tell Sunadori a long story when what she really wanted was for Sunadori to tell *her* things. But that wasn’t the way these things worked. She would share a long, juicy story, and then Sunadori would tell her more than she wanted to know, probably forever.

Also, Rukia was really quite fond of the romance manga backstory she and Renji had made up. He’d gotten to pull it out a few times, but she hadn’t, yet. She was really looking forward to telling the whole thing to Orihime when this was all over. Well, here was her big chance.

“Are you sure you want to hear this?”

Sunadori stared at her. “Stop stalling.”

“Okay, well, so, I took martial arts as kid. Our neighbors ran a dojo, an old family school, similar to jujutsu. I took it pretty seriously, marched through the belts, had a room full of trophies. When I was old enough, I started helping with the beginner classes to help pay for my own. I think I was fourteen when Takeru started coming, he would have been thirteen. He was taller than everyone in his class by a head, and he was terrible. Most of the beginners were little. I mean, you can start at any age, it’s just rarer. Anyway, Numata-sensei had me work with him one-on-one so he could get the basics down and move to a group with people closer to his own age. I was really worried that he was gonna be a jerk about having a short girl teach him this stuff, but he was actually very polite, and a good listener, and he started getting better.

“We ended up talking a lot, and it turned out that he didn’t have a very nice family life, and he’d been getting into trouble a lot at school, which is why his mom put him in martial arts. I lived right down the street from the dojo, and I guess he just started coming by after class, and the next thing I knew, he was just at my house all the time.

“For a long time, I thought he liked being around my family as much as he liked being around me. My mom made him sweets all the time, which she wouldn’t make for us. My dad called him ‘sport’. I have an older brother and he’s just a total stiff. He was the captain of the football team and the top student and has had his entire career planned out since he was 8 years old, and Takeru just idolized him.”

“Where’s your brother now?” Sunadori asked hopefully.

“He’s a banker in Tokyo,” Rukia replied. 

“Married?”

“Only to his work. But he’s super married to his work. Would you rather hear about him?”

Sunadori flapped one hand. “No, you can get back to the story.”

Rukia sighed and hunched her shoulders. “This went on for a couple of years. Takeru was getting really good at jujutsu. Not as good as me, but we were competing at the same level, and sparring all the time. We went to regionals the year I was 16, and dominated so badly that the championship round was between me and him.” Rukia’s face went stiff. Acting. “He beat me. He knew my moves so well that he had worked out a counter-offense that he was saving until he had to face me in competition.” Renji had made up this entire part and refused all edits of it. “Afterwards, he insisted on walking me home, even though I wouldn’t speak to him, and he stopped me out in front of my house, and told me that now that he had defeated me, he felt like he could finally ask me if I would be his girlfriend.”

 Sunadori gasped.

“It was really lame,” Rukia editorialized. “It was terrible. The worst.”

“You said yes, though? Right? Please tell me you said yes.”

“Yeah, of course I did. I was 16.”

Sunadori sighed, completely taken in. Point Renji.

“Anyway, we dated for a year or so, and then his dad, who was barely there to begin with, skipped out completely. He fell apart.” She frowned. “I tried to be there for him, but I was in my senior year, dealing with exams and college entrances, and I don’t think I realized how badly he was spiraling. Takeru dropped out of school, he said he needed to get a job to help his mom. Except he didn’t, he-- y’know, I don’t want to go into the details. My family, his mom, Sensei, our friends-- we all tried to help him, and he pushed us away. My brother was off at college in Tokyo at that time, and he called up Takeru and reamed him out, which let me tell you, was not helpful. Finally, I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore. Then I moved away to college and blocked his number, as if he was ever going to call me again.”

Sunadori looked downright misty.

“You had to do the same with Oga?” Rukia asked, grimly.

Sunadori shrugged. “Oga never… got in any real trouble. He was just… mean. Hurtful.”

Rukia nodded. “Takeru had been in and out of trouble the whole time we were together. I never saw that side of him, he hid it pretty well. When we were apart, I told myself that he had lied to me, that he’d never been as good as I thought. But people are complicated, you know? And I dated a few other guys, and I knew none of them were as good as Takeru’s good side."

She took a deep breath. The next part was going to call for some fake tears, which was actually one of Rukia’s specialties.  “So, I was home for New Year’s my senior year of college, and Takeru’s mom comes by. I guess she and my mom had kept in contact, although my mom had never mentioned it. She told me that the summer I left for school, he had enlisted in the JGSDF, and that there had been an accident-- I mean, it wasn’t an accident, it was an IED-- but he was in the hospital. He was going to live, but he they weren’t sure he was going to keep the leg.” One tear, sniff, wipe it away with the heel of her hand.

Sunadori looked downright stricken.

“I mean, he had been a downright rat-bastard, but we had some good times, too, and his mom said he had cleaned himself up a lot, so I thought, maybe I’ll write him a letter. The guy’s in the hospital, may end up with a prosthesis, the least I can do is send him a get-well card. I sat down and wrote him a twelve page letter. I didn’t know I still had twelve pages of feelings left for him. I stuffed that in my desk, and got him a card from the drug store instead. I felt bad after I sent it, so I wrote him a one-page letter of the absolute blandest nothing, and sent that to him. And he wrote back.”

“What did he say?” Sunadori asked breathlessly.

“It wasn’t very long. Thanks for writing mostly. That he hoped I was well. There was nothing in it that indicated he wanted anything from me or expected anything of me.” She frowned. “It broke my heart. So I wrote him a longer letter, just nice things, happy things, things that I remembered would make him smile. And he wrote back to that, too, and then we started texting, and calling. His leg got better. I was back at school, finishing up my last semester, when they let him go home, to his mom’s. I took the train home that weekend, just to see him. I didn’t tell him I was coming.”

“Oh, how romantic! What did he say when he saw you?”

“Well, here’s the thing. You should tell people when you’re visiting them, especially when they’re just out of the hospital. He looked terrible and he was in a lot of pain, and I think he was a little embarrassed. But that’s when I really knew that he had changed. Because through all that pain, he was so careful with everything he said and so gentle, all he cared about was that he didn’t accidentally push me away again. At the end of the weekend, he made me promise that I wouldn’t let him distract me from school and that I would have a strong finish.”

“Mmm, I would have been distracted.”

Rukia’s brows creased. “Ma’am, I assure you I worked very hard on all my coursework, and am a very qualified employee.”

Sunadori rolled her eyes. “You already have the job, get on with it.”

“Well, the job market was pretty tight, and my dad knew someone who needed some part time office help, so I moved back home after graduation. I found out that Takeru’s mom was too busy to get him to PT most of the time, which was downright stupid, since it was basically a miracle that he kept the leg at all. So I started driving him around and at first it was just making sure he made it to all his appointments, and helping him with his veterans affairs paperwork, and then we were just always together again.”

[thornstocutyouwith]

Xian let out a breath, listening to her though. She was really…kind of annoying, to be honest. He was frustrated. What was happening to him was something that just happened recently. It didn't happen years ago. His situation making him easily agitated had also been going on still. He had problems in his life, and he had to find someone who could handle that baggage, and love him still. Xian tilt his head slightly "Shit. That sounds like a lot of baggage. A twin brother?" His brothers often liked to pick on him "Probably good you didn't know him. Siblings can be really shit." But he could relate to the nanny part of her rambling.

"Yeah. I know. Would you like me to sit here and unload everything going on in my life onto you?" No. She wouldn't, she already made that clear by getting on his case just for looking for someone, and being up front about having kids. How could he even begin to imagine she would treat the rest of his troubles? Xian frowned a bit, thinking about how horrible he felt with this woman he had only just met, knowing more about him at this moment "You do seem like you like to talk a lot." Xian commented, his eyes becoming dull for a moment as he looks away from Darla briefly.

But mostly she was jumping to conclusions, which was even more apparent to him. Looking back toward her then, Xian swallows "Yes. I did start this conversation. On the basis that I imagined that some people at least. Would want to know when they are involving themselves with someone who has kids. Most people don't want a family. Which, that's cool. But I have one…whether they like it, or not. So I want to have someone who is ready to take on the responsibility right from the beginning. Working that into the situation, it seems cheaper, right? "Oh Hey, love that we've been going out these last couple of weeks. Anyway. I have kids, you cool with that?". You understand what I mean?"

"Not exactly a fairy tale ending. I just don't want someone coming into our lives, based on a misdirection. It's like if I were to invite you into my house, promise you a meal, maybe some tea or wine. Then I don't do that. Yet here you are, for the next several hours, waiting on it. Only to leave for nothing…" He rolled his eyes then "Leading someone on like that, is a sign you are embarrassed or ashamed of your kids. I'm not. And whatever woman I would love, is going to know that. They will be first. Always. Not second." If she didn't like that he was doing this for his kids, more than him, but not just to have a free maid, either. Then he couldn't explain it any more clearly. He wanted someone who would love him, and be a mother to his kids. Of course he would love that person.

As she's questioning him about his offering to take her on a date, he nodded his head "Yess. That's what I said. I figure, you standing here doesn't really paint a good picture. After all, you came walking into my proposal." Which was honestly more so a joke proposal because he was angry, not that any of what happened didn't happen. But he would have to be mad to be going around just saying such things so out and in public. But saying so as a joke, it was relieving. He wasn't expecting an answer. As Darla is talking he gave a slight grin "Alright.--A man should always think about his family-before anything else." Xian said. He knew this, because his entire life, he had no man who did. His father was money hungry, and treated his children like extensions toward gaining more wealth.

"Well, then the road can be long. Even if I don't find the one. I want to find someone who can get close. I'm not asking for any of them to fly into the sun or anything. No Icarus'. ''." Xian glanced down to the ground listening as they spoke again "I wouldn't say I'm all that great. But I can try to be. When they are older, I don't want to be someone they hated." Even if they might hate him sometimes, it mattered most on how the child was as an adult. If his children looked back and couldn't understand one day, why he had to discipline them for their bad behavior, then something went horribly wrong.

Xian didn't think he would be as bad as his own father, not in the slightest, however. But he could still be a bad father, without being like that man. He could still fail to raise a good person, in this world. Without a partner in that, he feels like it would be more likely to happen "So, when are you free? What kind of places do you like to eat at?"

“It is if you spent your entire life confined to a mansion your parents only achieved through manipulation of your powers, using you as a tool and a threat to anyone unfortunate enough to fall into their lives, home schooled and raised more by a nanny who only was able to tell you when your parents both died that you actually have a twin brother in — ” She had managed to stop herself before she rambled on too much to make this guy think she belonged in a mental institution rather than on the streets talking to him. “Let’s just say sometimes there are circumstances that make it not that easy.”

Darla sighed heavily as Xian continued on, shaking her head. “No, of course not. You, however, started this conversation telling me you were looking for a girlfriend and laying all those cards out on the table right from the start. So I picked up the hand, and I played my own. And aren’t you the lucky one, it seems I have a big enough mouth to do enough of the talking for both of us.” Surely, he would understand that at least, wouldn’t he?

A classy woman. A great model for his children. He wanted the whole package. “You want your fairytale ending.” Sure, it could happen. It was possible, but — “Maybe that woman is out there for you, but are you willing to put in the kind of time and effort it would take to find her? You have already been down that road, and your trust was broken, like a teacup, and you may spend your entire life trying to find someone that will put the pieces back together again, but those cracks are always going to show. That is a lot to put on another person, and a lot to not only put on yourself but your children as well.”

She had expected another retaliation, a clever remark, what she did not expect was him to call her condescending, accuse her of having her head up her own ass, invite her to learn more about him and him about her and ask her….. on a date?

“Did you just…. ask me on a date? —” Well, yeah, he had, she just was completely thrown by it. It was not the direction she had seen this brief yet heated conversation between them going when she had initially turned around and started to walk away. She wasn’t walking away this time. “You know, actually — the more that I think about it, I really would like to get to know you. All nitpicking and bickering aside, you intrigue me. I admire your goals, and your compassion for your children, the fact you are thinking about them in your quest to find the perfect person not only for you, but for them as well. You have a long road ahead of you, but it’s a start.”

And in that moment, Darla had smiled at him. “They have a great father, and that is half the battle.”

[oddaodd]

· I Don't Go In For Sweets ·

Request: by a lovely anon "set after the events of season 3. Tommy can't handle the company, he's still grieving and he has to be there for Charlie so Polly tells him she knows a girl from a good family to get married He ends up agreeing (aunt Pol can be very persuasive) but even though he's married, this new girl isn't considered as a wife. He doesn't really make any effort but his "wife" understands, he's a widowed father who lost his first wife only a year ago. However since they are...in this, she wants to make her time as enjoyable as possible for the both of them and for Charlie too. But no matter what Tommy makes it a point of honor to not let her in, to not let her replace Grace so he ignores her, he works more, tries to spend as little as possible in the house. Reader stays patient, it will be alright and Charlie is making her quite busy anyway. One night, Tommy comes home completely drunk and maybe a bit high too, he can't even make it to his office. Thankfully Reader is still awake, she takes care of him and Tommy just...melts at how gentle Reader is, he may be able to keep his distant while sober but it's much harder in his state. He admits to her how he's been feeling and all. Ever since that night, something changed, Tommy feels some comfort, some solace being around her, she accepts him wholly, even his flaws, the bad side of his business and she tries to provide some sort of safe place for when it gets too hard." (I edited the request because it was very long, but I kept all essential parts in there)

Author’s note: I loved loved loved writing this and it ended up being SUPER long, but I’m very happy with how it turned out. As always, I hope you like it and have the loveliest of days!

Warnings: season 3 SPOILERS sort of, but not really, still read at your own risk. Arranged marriage, mentions of alcohol and drugs, angst.

·

“Thomas, you may not be able to see it, but you’re breaking apart” Polly spoke with a sigh as she lit a cigarette after everyone was dismissed from a family meeting.

Everyone had left Tommy’s office in arrow house rather gaily after receiving their fair compensations for partaking in the whole Russian ordeal, all except Polly, who remained where she sat, wishing for a word with her nephew

Tommy merely scoffed at her concern before lighting his own cigarette and taking a puff “I’ll be alright”

“And Charlie?” Pol pressed knowing Tommy’s mourning was not only affecting him, but Charlie as well. “What about him?”

“He’s fine” He said before turning around to look through the window, ignoring his Aunt’s heavy stare.

“You take too much after your mother” she sighed half angry half sad “she too loved pretending everything was alright and I don’t need to remind you where that lead her”

Tommy sighed deeply, he knew he could fool anyone. Anyone but Polly. “We’ll manage”

“Consider my offer” Polly said standing up and making her way to the door “Y/n is a good girl from a good family” she persuaded before leaving the room.

Tommy sighed at his Aunt’s words, he wasn’t ready to get married again even when he knew the woman he would be marrying was a nice one. He felt like he was spitting on Grace’s grave and he hated himself for even considering the prospect, but he knew a mother figure would be good for Charlie.

He spent the rest of the day pondering about Polly’s suggestion and remembering his own childhood in the shadow of the absent tortured presence that his mother had been. It didn’t take him long to decide he didn’t want that for Charlie, so that same night he phoned Polly.

“I’ll do it” was all he said before hanging up. There was no need for more words, Polly would know exactly what he meant.

Exactly a week later, Tom was standing in the altar of a church that was significantly smaller than the one from his first wedding. The fact that everything about this wedding was so obscenely different from his first did soothe his guilt a bit. And as he stood there he couldn’t keep his mind from traveling to the days leading up to his wedding to Grace. She had made sure everything was perfect and had made an effort to invite every single relative she could think of. She remembered her rambling on an on about fabrics, insisting that everything ought to be perfect when he in all honestly couldn’t care less, he just wanted to marry her.

All his thoughts vanished away with a poof when Y/n came into sight. And what a sight she was. She had insisted on doing her own makeup and on pinning flowers to her hair to compliment her headpiece and her elegant, yet simple white dress flowed almost mystically as her father gave her away. She had never imagined she would be marrying someone she didn’t know, but she wanted to look her best for getting married is not something people do everyday.

When she stood in the altar, she offered her to be husband a smile which he did not return, instead turning his attention to the priest before them. She mirrored his actions, her heart beating violently under her chest as the priest began speaking.

It all felt like a blur, she could swear it had only been a second since her father had given her away and yet, the priest had already uttered the dreaded “you may now kiss the bride”

Tommy barely brushed his lips against hers and soon the sound of everyone clapping invaded her ears. They had a small party afterwards in Y/n’s former house. Her parents had invited pretty much all of their acquaintances while tommy had only invited his close relatives.

When night fell Tommy was more than ready to leave “Are you ready to go?” was one of the few sentences he uttered to his now wife that night.

She again offered him a smile before saying “yeah just let me say goodbye”

The drive to arrow house was tense, although Y/n didn’t know Thomas very well she would tell he was unhappy. She wondered about what to say to him, but couldn’t come up with anything good enough and soon enough they were pulling over in front of Tommy’s stately home.

“Charlie must already be asleep, but I'll introduce you tomorrow” he said opening Y/n’s door for her.

“It’s alright” she said looking at him, not quite knowing what to do next.

“Your parents sent some of your belongings, I've already asked the maids to take them up to your-our room” he said

“Thank you, Thomas” she smiled as she walked into the big house not yet feeling close enough to him to call him Tommy.

His name falling from her lips caused an echo of bittersweet emotions to stir inside him but he masked it perfectly well as she introduced Y/n to the maids that went to the door to take their coats.

“Frances here will show you the way to the room” he said after having made introductions.

“This way, Mrs” Frances politely said.

Y/n began following her but stopped when she didn’t hear Tommy’s footsteps behind her own.

“Are you not coming?” she asked turning to look at him.

“Maybe in a bit” was all he said before he walked away down one of the many spacious hallways of the house.

After Y/n made herself comfortable in the room and changed into her nightgown she took the time to peek around the room like one always does when one is a strange place. After familiarizing herself with it she laid down in the big bed. She was nervous, she knew what happened on wedding nights. A small chuckle stopped at her lips when she recalled the stories her close already married girlfriends told her. If she hadn’t married a complete stranger she too would be looking forward to it.

Her thoughts ended up luring her to sleep after a while despite her nerves and the night went by in a ridiculously fast flash. The next morning she woke up alone and after getting ready she made her way downstairs. Tommy and Charlie were already in the dining room when she entered it.

“good morning” she said

Charlie immediately turned his attention to her, his eyes widening while his dad merely glanced at her while he muttered a “Good morning “ of his own.

Y/n sat down next to Tommy while he cleared his throat “charles, this is Y/n. We got married yesterday so she’ll be living with us from now on”

Charlie merely nodded in understanding before playing around with his food.

A tense air flooded breakfast until Tommy stood up, having barely touched his food and spoke turning to look at Y/n “I have to go now, if you need anything feel free to ask Frances”

“Alright” Y/n replied feeling a bit disappointed, she would love to get to know him, but she already knew it was going to be difficult.

“I have to go too” Charlie announced in a timid voice, interrupting Y/n’s thoughts. Despite her disappointment she understood, maybe he was just shy and his dad just reticent. They had lost a wife and a mother after all.

The first few days after that, Charlie avoided her nearly as much as his father did and Y/n remained in lonely patience until one night Charlie’s cries interrupted her focus on the book that she had just bought. She rushed to his room and called out his name as she entered not knowing if the boy would be comfortable with her or not.

“What is it?” she asked worried as she knelt by his bed.

“I miss my mum” the boy confessed looking at her with teary eyes as he clutched his blanket.

Y/n felt her heart give a small ache at his confession and in an attempt to comfort him she spoke “She’s not really gone, you know?”

“She’s dead” the boy sobbed.

“but people who die, don’t leave us. Not really anyhow” she said hesitantly rubbing his arm. “just because we cant see them doesn’t mean they are not here”

“I miss seeing her” he continued.

“Oh but you can still see her”

“how”

“before you go to bed just think about her, then she’ll visit you in your dreams” Y/n spoke as if she was telling a fairy tale.

“really?” the boy’s eyes widened.

“really” Y/n confirmed “But you have to think really really hard”

“I’ll try” Charlie said having calmed down a bit.

“very well” Y/n said as she stood up, but Charlie’s voice stopped her.

“can you stay till I fall asleep?”

After that night, Charlie hardly left Y/n’s side and she felt much better with his company for she was sure if he wasn’t there keeping her on her toes all day she would fall into a depressive chasm induced by her husband’s absence.

On the rare moments he was home she tried to strike up conversation with him over breakfast or late at night when he came home and she was burdened by insomnia. But Tommy only humored her with a few short responses before excusing himself or turning to face the other side of the bed.

It wasn’t only the fact that he avoided her as much as he could, but he also made it a priority to exclude her at all times. She was never invited into family meetings or night’s at The Garrison so she thought it was a miracle when tommy didn’t oppose to her planning Charlie’s birthday party.

She invited only Tommy’s family which instantly warmed up to her, noticing what a good influence she was and Polly wanted to slap Thomas for the way he had been acting throughout his marriage to Y/n. Almost feeling guilty for getting her into this mess.

When the party ended Tommy shut himself in his office like he often did when he was at home and though he had never given Y/n a reason to believe she was welcome in there of all places, she found herself allowing herself in after putting Charlie to bed.

Tommy looked up as she entered and let out a sigh before turning his attention back to some papers he had been reading.

“I noticed you didn’t have any” she commented not letting his sigh deflate her as she laid a plate with a slice of homemade chocolate cake on his desk. “it’s really good if I may say so myself” she mused sitting down in a chair opposite to his as she dug in with a fork in her own slice.

“I don’t go in for sweets” he stated.

“Not even chocolate?” Y/n tried, but tommy didn’t answer, instead he just shook his head.

“I still think you should try it, it’s not overly sweet, and…”

“is there anything you need?” he interrupted bluntly a bit harsher than he would’ve liked.

His tone caught her off guard and when she couldn’t come up with an answer tommy again turned his attention back to his papers.

“I wish you could let me in” She softly confessed after a few tense seconds.

“Well I wish we hadn’t married but I guess things don’t always go the way we want them to go”

Tommy knew he had crossed a line by the silence that again settled into the room. He looked up at Y/n with her parted lips and misty eyes. They exchanged glances for a second but instead of allowing him to see her like that any longer, she stood up setting her plate on his desk and walked away, only allowing a few tears to drop by when she was out of the room and his sight.

After that she stopped trying to get closer to him. He still loved his late wife and she understood, people in grief never mean what they say after all, but his words stung nonetheless.

She stopped trying to wait for him at night to see if he had gotten home alright and during breakfast she only uttered polite good mornings.

One night however, Y/n was yanked out of a peaceful sleep by a loud crash. She was on her feet in no time and after checking into Charlie’s room to see if he was alright she cautiously ventured downstairs. A few incoherent mumbles filled her ears before her husband came into sight, fumbling with his coat to get it off.

“need help?” she asked earning his attention.

“I’m fine” he said finally taking it off but as he went to take a step to begin walking the floor under him moved and he lost his balance, his knees crashing loudly against the wooden floor.

Y/n offered him a hand and helped him up. He smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands were shaky, consequence of the snow, no doubt. “let’s get you upstairs”

“I can do it on me own” he slurred letting go of her hand.

“stop being so stubborn” she derided, snaking one of her arms around his waist as she helped him upstairs.

Y/n helped him into bed, tookoff his shoes and went to the bathroom to fetch a small towel and some cold water.

She dampened the towel with the cold water before dabing it gently on Tommy’s forehead. His eyes never leaving her face as she did so, making her grow a bit nervous. She continued, trying her best to ignore it until she felt his hand softly caressing her cheek.

“You are beautiful” he rasped.

“Stop it, Thomas” she said feeling her cheeks grow red when she felt a bit sad that he had to be completely drunk to compliment her.

Even in his drunken state he seemed to notice he was making her uncomfortable so he held his tongue until Y/n laid in bed next to him after turning on the lights.

“I’m sorry” he interrupted the silence “For the way I’ve been acting” the whiskey and cocaine making him more vulnerable and open “I guess I was afraid that if I let you in then she would disappear”

He didn’t expect her to answer, but then her voice came in a soft exhausted tone“ I don’t intend to replace her. You don’t need to act all defensive and secretive. Even if it’s not what you wanted, we are married.”

“I Know” was all he said.

Y/n expected him to withdraw more from her after showing himself that vulnerable to her that night but she was wrong. He began arriving home earlier, sometimes even asking if he could come along on the walks she and Charlie so much adored going on. And Y/n finally felt her marriage was going somewhere maybe it wasn’t based on love yet, but it was something.

One day she was at the stables while Charlie was taking a nap. She had always adored horses.

“I didn’t know you liked horses” came Tommy’s smooth voice causing her to jump.

“You never asked” she smiled petting a black horse as he walked closer to her.

“We could go out for a ride, I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t mind letting you borrow his horse” Tommy offered as he too began to pet the horse, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s for a brief second.

“I’d love to, but I am afraid I don’t know how to ride, Tommy�� she said, panicking for a second after having called him that. But she rested assured as soon as he spoke again.

“Well that can be fixed” he said opening the door of the stall and guiding the horse outside.

“You mean now?” Y/n asked with a laugh.

“Got something better to do?” he asked walking out of the stable with the horse. Y/n observed tommy as he prepared the horse. She had never seen him so gentle and calm before and she only realized she had been staring when Tommy directed his attention to her to ask her if she was ready.

“I think so” she said going to stand next to the horse wondering how the hell to climb up. But before she had any more time to think she felt Tommy’s hands on her waist giving her a push that allowed her to pull herself up on the animal. It was a good thing she had chosen to wear slacks that day, she thought.

“Goodness this is high” she said nervously looking down at Tommy when he began guiding the horse to move in a slow walk.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall” he promised repressing a mirthful tone at her nervousness.

He guided the horse with her around the property in the crisp evening air and Y/n allowed herself to relax with every step the horse took. Tommy’s presence made her feel safe and protected and she found it increasingly harder to look away from his figure. She wondered if he could feel her eyes on him.

When the sky began turning soft shades of purple and orange the pair returned to the stables. When the time came from Y/n to come down from the horse, tommy helped her again. Y/n began to love the feeling of him touching her and when her feet touched the ground in front of Thomas, he didn’t remove his hands from her waist right away and instead fixed his blue eyes on her, not wanting to stop looking at her.

She too fixed her eyes on Tommy as she felt a silent gasp in the base of her throat. That was the way she would’ve liked him to look at her on their wedding day. Tommy then leaned in, almost as if he were asking for permission before he tenderly pressed his lips to Y/n’s.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz @slytherinicequeen @lilymurphy03

[a-glimpse-of-fantasy]

Moments

I'm so sorry I was brain dead for the past two weeks & still am T-T Anyways here is the new chapter :)

This is a work done together with @03patrickstar ^^

⚠️ This story takes after the final episode of Duskwood. So if you haven't finished the game first, this story contains heavy spoilers.

Summary: It has been almost three years since Jake disappeared without a trace. Everyone went back to their normal lives, and so did Faye. She did her best to forget about him, forget her love for him. But it all changes when Jake comes back. How was he suddenly able to come back to her? What secrets was he keeping from her?

⚠️Warnings: None for this chapter :)

Previous chapter >>> Next chapter

***

Chapter 4 - Familiar yet unfamiliar…

His cornflower blue eyes visibly shook. “What?!” Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry that you had to even think that, Faye.”

Faye shook her head, “No. I would still consider that anyway.” Sighing deeply, she added in a heavy voice. “I had to make sure it really is Jake that would hear what I have to tell.”

The man blinked. “What you have to tell?”

Nodding, Faye replied calmly. “Let’s end this, Jake.” 

Faye dared say, the man in front of her froze as those words left her mouth.

Honestly, Faye was tempted. She always wondered what kind of a life she would have with Jake. A life where they would be on the run, continuously. An unstable life. The opposite of what she planned for herself in the past decade.

There was no chance.

Life was not a fairy tale. Faye had to learn this hard truth way earlier. There was no way she could go back. Not now. Not ever.

Maybe if the spark inside her heart ignited the moment they met, Faye would’ve betrayed all her efforts for a stable life.

Fortunately or unfortunately, her heart was too calm.

Way too calm than she anticipated.

On the contrary, the man in front of her looked extremely distressed. The Jake she knew would be as well. 

“Is,” Licking his lips, he continued in a shaky voice, “Is it because I took so long to contact you?” Clenching the sharp jaw, he explained. “I can explain. Faye, please listen to me.”

The Jake she knew would have said “I understand.” and left by now. She used to hate that behaviour in the past. Faye could not believe she hoped for him to behave the same way right now. 

“Did you read my messages?”

His head tilted down, “I’m sorry. It was too risky.”

Maybe the Jake she knew would have read them either way? Her inner self scoffed at Faye. Why are you even comparing them? They are the same anyway. This is Jake. The Jake you waited for so long.

She was indeed foolish.

“Should I tell Lilly? That we met? She always reminds me to.”

Cornflower blue irises seemed to hold confusion. “No. The fact that we met today should remain a secret. At least for now.”

“Shouldn’t we tell Mrs. Donfort?”

“What? No.” he shook his head firmly. “Please don’t tell a soul that we met today.”

Whilst her silence, he fidgeted with his long fingers. “You know, Faye. I am scared, to be honest. I’m scared that I will have to leave you again.”

“I never accepted you anyway.” Faye stood up, declaring apathetically. 

Looking vulnerable, the man before her muttered. “You are angry.”

Honestly…

Her heart ached. 

“Maybe we should meet up. Time to time, I mean.” She said softly, on a momentary impulse. 

His eyes lit up, akin to a child. Her gaze softened a little, Faye could tell. “By the way, your eyes are beautiful. Really.” the words escaped through her lips, in a daze.

Just how much of a fool she was?

Would she be regretting less if she rejected him coldly, right then and there? Or should she have been a little kinder than she was?

For him…

He deserved at least that much.

***

“Faye, I’m really sorry. It was my fault that Jake’s pursuers could get so close to him.” Lily would chant this apology every time they would see each other.

In the first few months, Faye was angry. Though they once reconciled, she was angry at Lily. She lost Jake in the end. How long would he be gone for; Faye could not guess. Since Lily apologized anyway, Faye kept blaming her. She simply needed someone to take the blame for her mystery.

As time passed, Faye could see better. Lily was in agony as well. It was unfair if she keep blaming Lily for everything.

Faye sighed.

“It was meant to happen one day, Lily. Whether your video helped them or not. It’s not entirely your fault.”

“But still-”

“Jake wouldn’t want you to be guilty of it. So don’t be.” Faye cut her off firmly.

Lily sighed, deeply. Looking away, she spoke, “Hannah is still quite unstable. So I never told her that Jake is our half-brother.”

“That’s understandable.” Faye stared at the street before the Rainbow Cafe, blankly. “It’s better not to startle her.”

“Yes…” Fidgeting, Lily gulped. “I was thinking of confronting our father. About Jake…” the last of the words fading away.

Faye looked into Lilly’s eyes; those eyes seemed uncertain of what to do. “I don’t think that’s a promising idea, Lilly. At least not yet.” Contemplating for a moment, she added, “Of course, you can disregard my words. I have no place in this matter anyway. But things only calmed down recently. If you mention that, it would only fire things up again.”

“But our father cheated on my mother!” Lily exclaimed; her face full of distress.

This isn’t even a television drama.

“Lily. Honestly, we can’t be sure of that. We don’t know how old Jake is. Maybe your father met his mother way before he met your mother. That’s not cheating.”

“Still!” Looking around, Lily lowered her voice. “Abandoning his child like that is unforgivable!”

“Maybe Jake’s mother never informed him. Who knows? I’ve met a couple of single mothers like that.”

Lilly sighed aloud, shaking her head lightly. 

“I guess I’ll have to wait. At least until we hear from Jake.”

Hear from Jake.

Lilly was sure of it. That Jake would contact Faye again.

Honestly, Faye did not believe so. There were two scenarios running through her head, where Jake would not contact her. If he did escape safely that day. 

First, if he was to put her in danger by doing so.

Second, he would decide Faye deserved a better life than what he could give her.

It’s been exactly seven months and sixteen days since that day. Still no word from Jake.

Truly, Faye hated this guy so much. But she loved him too much.

She could neither hold onto him nor let him go.

-To be Continued.

[erule]

The frat party | t.h.

Title: The frat party

Pairing: Frat boy!Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1823

Warnings: frat boy Tom, angst, nakedness (nothing sexual though, no smut in this chapter), mention of sex, implied smut, cliffhanger at the end, jealous Tom, language, OC Oliver, violence (one punch), blood, plot twists.

Summary: Tom and the reader met at a frat party, but a year later they broke up because of some reason. Now, rumor has it that the reader is dating one of Tom’s friends and he gets jealous.

A/N: Hello hello, I’m back! Have you seen Tom’s recent pics in Monaco?? He looked amazing! Anyway, I don’t know why, but I just had to write a fic with frat boy!Tom, so enjoy!

If you wanna be tagged in my Tom Holland fics, just let me know in my ask box! You can also find me on AO3 and Wattpad. Feedback is always appreciated by a writer!

Main Masterlist

Tom Holland Masterlist

Peter Parker Masterlist

Chapter 1

Break up with my ex girlfriend

Frat parties. Am I right? Worst part of college life. A lot of people drink to forget about their grades and how their lives went wrong, while someone’s just hoping to have some fun with them (if you know what I mean). For the first year, I hated them with passion, but it was before I met him. At a frat party. Oh, the irony! And then, frat parties were the only chance I had to actually talk to him. It didn’t take us long enough to start dating. I think that adults tell you fairy tales to make you grow up with a hope, the hope to find your real happy ending, your true love. Well, I wasn’t used to believe in them, but the year I spent with Tom… that was close to the definition of happy ending. The problem with happy endings? They don’t tell you what happens after them. And that’s because they’re a nightmare.

“Tell me that now or you’re not gonna find me in this bed tomorrow”, he says and there’s a part of me that wants to die right here and right now. I shake my head. I don’t want to do that. Not because I don’t feel anything for him, but I’m scared that this will complicate things between us and it’s the last thing I want. “Are you serious, Y/N? You really think that saying something like that during sex doesn’t count? Calling someone on the phone means something, even if you’re drunk as Hell. So tell me what you really feel about me right now or I swear, I’m out of this room. I’m out of this kind of weird relationship that’s going on between us for years,” Tom says and the veins on his arms draw a beautiful map on his body, in which the moles are cities and his eyes are volcanoes. They’re burning, unlike my skin, that is freezing because I’m not wearing anything at the moment. Except for my shame, perhaps. My insecurities, that never leave me. Even in front of Tom.

“You don’t mean that,” I try to say, my mouth dry. But he’s insanely angry. In another situation, it would be hot.

“I do, Y/N,” he replies. I swallow. His expression softens, like he’s in pain. He comes closer to me, brushing my cheeks with his hands. My eyes are full of tears. His words feel like a prayer on my skin. “Please, tell me”.

And even if I don’t wanna do that, my hands are tied. Even if that’s a lie. I remain in silence. One second after that, he’s gone. Tom always keeps his promises, after all.

2 months before

Harrison sat down with a strange look on his face. It only meant one thing for Tom: trouble. He sighed, throwing away the third cigarette of the day. Jacob raised an eyebrow, trying to get rid of the stench of smoke with one hand.

“I thought you wanted to quit smoking,” Jacob said.

“Relax, I only smoke before finals now,” Tom said. “What’s up, mate? Come on, talk”.

Harrison raised a corner of his lips in a smirk.

“Rumor has it, that Oliver’s got a girlfriend,” he said.

“No way!” Jacob exclaimed.

“Oh, fuck me,” Tom said, laying on the grass with his hands behind his neck, glancing at a couple of girls who were passing by.

“I haven’t said the best part yet, though,” Harrison continued. Jacob urged him to speak further. “He’s gonna throw a party for his birthday and he’ll introduce her to his friends. But since we’re his friends, I was wondering why I haven’t told us anything about this gal in weeks. So I played Sherlock Holmes for a couple of hours and I found out that… we actually know this girl,” he said.

“I bet she’s someone of the campus,” Tom joked, as if it was obvious.

“I bet she’s someone’s ex girlfriend,” Jacob replied.

Harrison remained quiet, but he was smiling.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Tom said, astonished, while sitting on the grass again.

“I won!” Jacob yelled.

“Who’s she? I hooked up with…”

“Ex girlfriend, Tom. It’s not some random girl you hooked up with. She’s someone you remember very well,” Harrison said.

“So we’re talking about me, uh? Well, let’s see… is it Janine? We lasted two weeks, I wouldn’t be mad about her,” he shrugged. Harrison swallowed.

“It’s someone you would be mad about,” Jacob guessed. “And there’s just one person that you would be mad about”.

Tom’s eyes widened at the realization.

“He’s fucking dead”.

Two days after that conversation, here they were: the three of them were laying with their backs on the wall like they were sustaining it from falling down. Tom had threatened Oliver with a Dare to explain, mate?, but his answer was just an I’m sorry Tom, but she’s just your ex. I don’t have to ask for your permission. Or does this mean that you’re still not over her? So, since Tom values too much his pride, he said that he was over her and that Oliver was right, he didn’t have to ask for his permission. Oliver apologized for not telling him that before and then walked away, leaving Tom to smoke the whole pack of cigarettes. Tom was watching Oliver talking with Elizabeth, one of your friends, when he saw you and Zendaya arrive at the party. In his opinion, you were stunning. You immediately caught his gaze. You just never failed to amaze him, even after a year. His heart ached at the view, but it ached even more when you greeted Oliver. You gave him a kiss on his cheek, clenching your hand in a fist. It seemed like you were uncomfortable. So, he came up with a plan to save you.

“Wait for me here,” he said to his friends, then he walked fast to reach you. “Hey mate, happy birthday!” Tom said to Oliver, who hugged him.

“Thanks, Tom. I think that you already know Y/N, Lizzie and Z,” he said and you smiled along with your friends, even if you looked more surprised than happy.

“Of course, I do,” Tom said, looking directly at you. You looked down. “Could I please talk to Y/N? We haven’t been in touch for quite some time and I’d like to catch up with her,” he asked.

“Sure!” Oliver said, while Zendaya seemed looking at you with a concerned expression. You winked at her.

Tom made you move away from Oliver by brushing your back, walking to the next exit. He lowered his voice in order to talk with you only, speaking to your hear: “You look ravishing, darling”.

He noticed that you closed your eyes for a very long second, but you didn’t say a word about that.

“Are you here to show that you still own me or something?”

“I don’t own you, darling. You’re absolutely free to do anything you like,” he said, lighting a cigarette outside the building.

“Z said you wanted to quit smoking,” you said, furrowing your eyebrows.

“I only smoke before finals”.

“Finals were yesterday,” you replied.

“Are we here to talk about me or you? I noticed that you were uncomfortable with Oliver, but I thought that you were his girlfriend. Wouldn’t it be weird?”

You smirked.

“Oh, now I get it. You’re jealous”.

“Nah, If I’d be jealous, you would know, trust me,” Tom said, with a playful tone.

“What would you do?” You asked, curiousity eating you alive. You wanted to know so bad if he still had feelings for you.

“Don’t play with fire, darling. You’re gonna burn your pretty hands, otherwise,” he replied, running a finger over his lip. Shivers ran through your spine, but you hoped that Tom didn’t notice it.

“Don’t try to seduce me, Holland. You’re not gonna win this time,” you said, chuckling. “And for the record, we’re not dating. He’s just insistent,” you explained.

Tom looked inside and saw Oliver staring at the two of you. An idea came up into his mind and he couldn’t quite get rid of it. It was smart, but also terrifying. It was very dangerous, yet he had to try.

“We could be in a fake relationship. It could fool everyone,” he proposed.

You turned to look at him, astonished.

“Even after what happened?”

Tom’s eyes were locked with yours, but his facial muscles didn’t move at all. If he still was hurt by the reason that made you two break up, he didn’t show it to you.

“He’s coming here,” he said instead, glancing at Oliver.

“Tom, this is insane,” you kept going. “You said you couldn’t forgive me after…”

It happened all too fast. All the lights went out at the same time. Tom's lips were on yours in an instant. Everything was on fire, every inch of your body. Every cell your flash was made of exploded like a dying supernova. A moment later, someone snatched him from your hands, leaving you in the cold.

Oliver hit him. Tom laughed, nervously, but then he grabbed the collar of Oliver’s shirt and slammed him against the wall, angrily. You pounced on Tom, trying to pull him away from Oliver. At first, Tom looked at you confused, thinking that you just wanted to keep Oliver safe from him, but your eyes told him another story: you prevented him to be kicked out from the campus.

“I told you, you’d know,” he said, while wiping a trickle of blood from his mouth, pretending to be the tough guy he wasn’t.

“Guys, I think we should leave,” Jacob said, while Harrison was taking Tom away from Oliver by his arm.

“I thought we were friends, Tom,” Oliver said, an inch of hurting in his voice tone.

“That was before you came after the only thing I care about,” he said harshly. And then, he left with Harrison and Jacob.

That night, while Tom was cleaning himself of blood in the bathroom, Jacob was staring at him worried, while standing with one arm against the door jamb.

“You never told me what happened, you know, with Y/N last year. Haz doesn’t want to tell me, he thinks it’s up to you. You said that you were over her, but I don’t think you are, since what you did tonight,” he said. Tom kept wiping away the blood from his shirt, ignoring Jacob’s words. “Why have you broken up with her, Tom? It seems pretty obvious that you’re still in love with her”.

Tom gulped, while looking at himself in the mirror. He had tried to bury all of his memories deep down, but it seemed that now the demons wanted to come back and play with him once again. Maybe it had finally come the time to confront them.

When he spoke, his voice was low and hoarse: “Because she cheated on me”.

Read chapter 2 here!

[hopeless-ro-simptic]

Familiar Cerulean Eyes

Might change title later. 

Omegaverse: Alpha Dabi X Omega Reader, also a little bit of Alpha Shoto x Omega Reader. 

Summary (Kinda?): Reader was sold to the Todoroki family to be Touya Todoroki’s mate when they reached of age due to the readers nullification skin quirk (I don’t know what to call it). Endevor was 100% sure that Touya would present as an Alpha and the reader has been showing signs of being an Omega since early childhood. However, after Touya died *Ahem*, Endevor kept reader around with the plans of giving her to one of his other kids if they showed promise. Shoto being the one that was chosen for her after he presented. However things go sideways when she is kidnapped by Dabi. 

Notes: Reader has a nullification quirk that only works on her own body. Basically her skin acts as a barrier and anything that is made from a quirk cannot effect her. Example being that she isn’t burnt by any of the Todoroki’s fire, by the airborn effects such as the smoke that she inhales still cause damage. Physical quirks like Kirishima wouldn’t be affected by her quirk. Also piercing quirks that deal with getting past her skin like Toga’s or Stains would still affect her. Feel free to ask questions! 

Also this is a slow burn. There is no smut in this part but I expect there will be at some point. 

Click here for a full list of parts! Part 2  

Word count: 3.5 K 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fire. It was everywhere. You had never seen a fire this large, you were completely engulfed in the flames, yet you weren’t burning. You’re quirk was the reasoning, preventing any damage to you from outside quirks. That was the entire reason that the alpha Enji Todoroki bought you, because he knew you couldn’t be harmed by the current inferno that was his eldest son Touya Todoroki.

“Y/N!” Came the gruff Alpha voice of the current number two hero, glaring down at you. “Make him stop before he burns this whole place down.”

You shivered, even at such a young age, you showed all the tale tell signs of being an Omega. You wanted to tuck tail and run away from the angry Alpha glaring down at you, but you didn’t dare. Glancing back at the raging inferno, you hesitated, while it wouldn’t burn you to touch the fire, it didn’t make it any less terrifying.

“GO!” The smack across your petite face made you chirp loudly with pain, covering your swelling cheek with your hand, tears springing to your eyes.

The fire in front of you both suddenly switched to a different hue, and you could tell that it was burning even hotter than before. The fire was the last time you looked at something with that shade of blue and enjoyed it.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Piercing blue eyes glared at you from across the room as you gathered up the plates from the table. They followed your every move and you could feel your omega begging to release out a distress scent or to chirp or anything under the terrifying glare of the imposing Alpha. Why was he still here?

“Y/N, I will accompany you to the market today.  I have a couple things I need to get anyways.” Shoto was releasing his usual calming scent but he wasn’t even looking at you. He was watching the news on his phone, completely ignoring whatever conversation his father was trying to have with him.  

“Okay, great.” You tried to keep your voice even as you finished up the dishes quickly. You wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. Your omega even more so, but you should of paid attention to how you worded your response.

“He is an Alpha and you will regard him as such!” The larger Alpha’s voice rang throughout the house and you could feel your body freeze against it’s own will. You let out the softest of all chirps, hearing the chair scratch against the floor as he stood up, the temperature in the room raising.

“I am not her Alpha yet. She can address me as she pleases!” Shoto’s own alpha voice rang out against his father’s, steam building in the room as the hot and cold met. You closed your eyes and slapped an imaginary hand across your omegas mouth to keep her quiet. If you didn’t react, he would leave you alone.

“Let’s go Y/N. I’ll have the car pulled around.” You immediately turned and dashed from the room following Shoto’s quick stride, only stopping to quickly bow to Enji, your eyes downcast.

Once in the car, Shoto let out a soft sigh, his eyes watching outside the window. It was a Saturday, and he didn’t have classes for the day which is the only reason you were allowed outside of the house, away from the protective scent of the pack.

“I’m sorry, Shoto… I should have chosen my words more carefully.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He didn’t even glance at you, causing a slight frown to cross your face. He had grown so detached from you recently since he had told you he wanted to wait until he graduated from UA to bond with you. You had been totally fine with the request, and in all honesty you were relieved. You had grown up together, and you knew that one day it would have to happen, but you were very much so uncomfortable with the thought of being intimate with Shoto. You knew he probably felt just as uncomfortable. But that didn’t stop your Omega from worrying about the fact that Shoto may never want to be with you like that.

“A-are we okay?” You could feel your omega start to stress, a sour smell filling up the car as you crossed your arms around yourself feeling the overwhelming anxiety creeping in of a mate that would never want you. You knew from the day that your family sold you to the Todoroki’s because of your quirk that life wouldn’t be a fairy tale, but you had always latched onto the fact that the Todoroki pups were so sweet to you from the moment you met. After your to be mate, Touya had died, Shoto was always there to tell you it wasn’t your fault. You had hoped that you could at least be happy with him.

Shoto finally looked at you, his nose scrunching up at the smell emiting from your omega, him releasing his own calming scent, much stronger than at the house. Waving you over to him you shuffled across the seat and up against his warm left side, desperately trying to keep your emotions in check. He pulled your hair back and nuzzling up against your scent glands trying to calm you down the way he often saw other alphas do, making sure to scent you lightly so that you would be safe at the market from other alphas.

“Y/N, relax, we are fine. It will all be fine. Once I graduate and become a pro hero, we can bond and we won’t have to stay in that awful house anymore. Then you can nest all you want and no one will take it apart. I promise. I’m sorry for making you feel like this.”

You relaxed once you were engulfed in his scent, peppermint filling up your nose. While he was a couple years younger than you, you knew he would make a great alpha. He did genuinely care about you, and you knew he would always protect you and keep you safe. He wouldn’t get mad at you when you “made a mess” of your room nesting. Maybe one day you two would be able to be proper mates and there will be a different kind of love there. Maybe some pups of your own. 

The car had pulled to a stop and you let Shoto finish up scenting you to cover up your own omega smell before you both exited the car. Shoto offered you his hand to help you out which you happily took, and was a little shocked when he didn’t immediately let go of it. His grip was light and awkward but at least he was trying to show you it was okay. It was short lived though when about ten feet into the market it was too crowded to even hold hands. Instead you lightly gripped onto the back of his shirt following him closely as he weaved through the crowd.

You followed him like that for about ten minutes, only briefly pausing at stalls to pick up the short grocery list that you had brought with you for the week. Only after the list was complete did he finally stop at a stall with freshly made Soba. Rolling your eyes as he weighed his choices as to have it hot or cold you looked around the market.

Something smelled… familiar… but also new at the same time. It was hard to pick it out over all of the mingling scents from the many different people around you. You also weirdly felt like you were being watched. Glancing around you didn’t see anyone staring at you that you noticed, and what was weird about it was that your Omega didn’t feel threatened. Shrugging it off as Shoto turned to ask you what your order was, the world around you exploded into chaos.

“Fire!” Screams surrounded you at every turn and the air turned foul as all of the panicked scents filled the air. Soot covered people’s faces and you could feel the heat of the fire but couldn’t see where it was coming from. Shoto was gone from your sight and immediately your Omega screamed out for him to come back. Desperately wanting to smell his familiar and comforting scent again. You were shoved to the ground by a passing beta group and you felt a sharp pain in your wrist as you braced yourself against the ground.

“Shoto!” Tears were streaming down your face and you weren’t even sure when you started crying. Everything was getting hazy and the smoke in the area was making it hard to see or breathe. The fire must be close if it was affecting you like this. Briefly you wondered if you were in the fire yourself. You could hear others calling out and screaming to run around you but you were frozen to your spot in fear. You hated fire. Everything about it was awful. Memories started swimming in your head of cerulean blue eyes and a fire that matched them as well as the red fires that emanated from the Alpha back at home that hated you.

You felt yourself curl up in a tight ball on the floor behind the food stall, your omega chirping wildly, desperately just wanting Shoto to come back and take you away from all of this. Where did he even go? Probably to go be a hero and put the fire out, but why would he leave you alone?

You sat frozen like that, in full panicked omega mode, for what felt like hours but in reality was only a few minutes before you passed out from the smoke fumes. Only waking up when lean arms reached under you, picking you up and cradling you in their arms protectively before carrying you off to safety of home. You barely registered the pretty blue of the eyes staring down at you before you were out again, consumed in darkness.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blue flames fading to red licked against your skin, you not feeling anything but an uncomfortable heat from them as you pushed through the smoldering rubble searching, screaming.

“Touya! Where are you?” You choked on the smoke filling your lungs, but you didn’t dare stop searching. This was your fault. You should have gone in and calmed him down when you were told. It would be your fault if he overheated. Your fault if he got hurt, if he…

No. There was no way. You pushed past the burning in your lungs from the smoke. While the quirk created fire couldn’t hurt you, the smoke that resulted from it definitely could. But still, you kept searching, and you would keep searching until the fireman came and pulled you away, tears streaming down your face as you realized that you’re to be mate was no where to be found.

You would never forgive yourself for the death of Touya Todoroki.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sat up with a start, your head pounding as you gasped for air, your lungs still thinking they were full of smoke. You were surrounded by a scent you didn’t recognize. No, that’s not entirely true. You had smelled it before, but you couldn’t place where. It was a strange smell, like a cinnamon whiskey covered in smoke and tobacco. Rubbing your head you looked around at your surroundings, letting out a chirp and pulling your knees into your chest when you realized you were being watched.

The bedroom you were in didn’t look familiar, but the cerulean eyes staring back at you from a chair in the corner distracted you from looking in detail. The lights were out and the dark grey walls made you feel like you were in a teenagers goth bedroom, the only light coming from between the blinds on the window. Other than the bed, a dresser and the chair, there wasn’t very much in the room, if you excluded the overwhelmingly tall and lean black haired alpha that was splayed out comfortably across that chair, his eyes never leaving yours as you did a quick scan of the room, a smirk on his lips.

Even in the barely lit room, you didn’t miss the glint of silver staples and the marred purple-toned skin. You also couldn’t ignore the section of the ceiling that was scorched black above your head. Your eyes widened at the realization that the delicious and somewhat familiar scent was emitting from the alpha in front of you. The smell of cinnamon whiskey and tobacco engulfed in smoke was oddly a warm and welcome smell, but that didn’t change the fact that it was coming from one of the most notorious villains in Japan.

His eyes never left yours as you did a quick mental scan of yourself. You don’t think you were injured other than the throbbing in your right wrist. You also were still in the same clothes as you had been wearing at the market, and even though the alphas scent was strong, you could barely make out the peppermint smell of Shoto, comforting you a little at knowing the alpha hadn’t forcefully scented you. Yet.

The Alpha in question was growing tired of the silent game but he was just as stubborn to let you speak first, pulling out a cigarette and placing it between his lips, lighting the end of it with his pinky at the same time. The small candle sized blue flame was enough to have your omega releasing a distress scent that you were surprised you were able to hold back until now.

The Alpha merely glanced back up at your form, his eyes raking your body slowly, enjoying the view that was in front of him.  The way his eyes hugged the curves of your body, slowing down in parts that particularly enticed him, had you shivering like a wet pup. Once his eyes reached yours again, you watched as his tounge slipped out, sporting a glinting metal ball, licking his lips slowly keeping eye contact with you.

The omega in the back of your head, the one that apparently had a death wish, made a quip about how hot that was but you immediately shut her up and reminded her who exactly you were dealing with.  And as if you needed to be reminded, the Alpha finally, taking his time, stood up, towering over you and taking up a majority of the small room. You watched as he flicked his smoked cigarette to the floor, stepping on it to put it out.  You couldn’t help but pull yourself into the corner of the bed, inching away from him and pulling into yourself, chirping wildly as you closed your eyes waiting to die. You weren’t sure how he was going to kill you, but you didn’t think it was going to be quick when he found out he couldn’t burn you.

Instead of the all too familiar heat from fire, you felt the bed dip as his rough hand slip underneath your jaw, forcing it up to look at him. Opening your eyes you were nose to nose with the bright blue eyes that took your breath away. From this close you could see all the little flecks in them that made up their piercing color. They looked rather familiar.. handsome even, but you refused the dwell on that and forced yourself to stop chirping  and releasing your distress scent as it clearly wasn’t helping the situation. You recognized that the villain probably had the room scent proofed and sound proof, or you were far enough away from civilization that no one would come to your rescue just based off of a distressed omega.

Covering your omega’s distress was difficult, but you had plenty of practice in the last several years, and you were all too familiar with the fact that some alpha’s got off on terrified omegas.

He still didn’t speak as he looked down at you, in fact he didn’t seemed rushed at all as his eyes searched yours for something you weren’t sure, flicking to different parts of your face like he was trying to memorize it. His grasp on your chin didn’t loosen either though, and his free hand snaked its way onto one of your ankles, gripping it lightly, to keep you in place.

You couldn’t handle the silence anymore.

“Are you going to kill me?”

The smirk on his face faltered and a look of almost confusion and something else briefly passed across his face, before it was covered back up with the signature smirk.

“Why would I do that little mouse?”

“Because you’re a villain..” You’re voice was scratchy. You were thirsty, but you weren’t about to tell the murderer in front of you that.

“Ah, so you do know who I am.”

You nodded, unconsciously licking your lips to relieve the ache that was settling there from the dryness. This only caused the villain in front of you to shift his gaze down to your lips, his own parting slightly, breathing in your scent.

“What’s my name?” His voice had dropped an octave and sounded raspier now, which you didn’t think was possible. The sound of it stirred something deep inside you that you begged to hush. The omega inside you was at war with itself. You reminded it once again that you were face to face, nose to nose, with a damned murderer. So to further remind yourself, you forced out his name between clenched teeth.

“Dabi.”

It almost seemed like the villain pouted for a second, like he was wanting another answer, but instead of providing you insight to his reaction, he pulled away from you,  turning back to his chair and sitting down. A wrinkle on his nose in disgust.

“Why do you smell like that half and half hero brat?” That caught you off guard. How did he know Shoto’s smell? How long was he watching you before he captured you?

“H-he’s my alpha..”

“You’re not bonded.” He pointed out lazily.

“We were waiting.”

“What would he possibly be waiting for? That’s just an invitation for someone else to come along and snatch you up5. By the smell of things, he doesn’t even take the time to scent you thoroughly. You sure he even wants you? Has he even noticed you’re gone?”

Your omega let out a soft chirp, hurt by Dabi’s words. You didn’t need to be reminded of anything that he was saying. In the back of your mind you knew it was all true. As much as Shoto tried for your benefit to make things work between you two, you wondered if he even cared that you were gone. Losing you meant he finally had the free will to court whoever he wanted. That Momo girl he was always talking about from school came immediately to your mind.

You tried to push these thoughts to the back of your mind and remind yourself that Shoto still cared about you and still would protect you no matter what. You tried to tell yourself that he was probably on his way right now to come save you and that once he did he would pull you into his arms and dispel any of the villains scent and replace it with his own until you couldn’t smell anything but peppermint.

You also ignored the lone thought pressing into your skull from all sides that maybe you didn’t want Shoto to come rescue you. Maybe you could get out of this without his help and maybe you could start a new life, one where you got to choose your own Alpha.

“Let me go.” Your voice barely a whisper, you couldn’t meet the eyes of the Alpha in front of you.

“No.” He snorted and rolled his eyes like what you said was the stupidest thing he ever heard, and maybe it was given that you just asked a psychopathic killer to just let you go on a whim. “Here’s the deal. You are staying here with me, because you are mine.”

You met his eyes when he said that. Confusion and a bit of fear creeping back into your face. Your heart rate picking up as you hugged your body to shield it from him.

“Don’t worry. I won’t bond you without permission, I’m not into rape.” His face showed that he meant that at least, the disgust at even the thought of a forced bond evident for a moment before he shook his head, his eyes caressing your body once again just like he had done several minutes earlier. “But mark my words, Omega, I’ll get permission.”

He licked his lips slowly, once again showing off the piercing in his tongue. His eyes focusing on your lips before finally meeting your own eyes again. You could smell the pheromones pumping off him, making the air around you smell absolutely enticing against better judgment.  

“You were out for almost 8 hours, we need to get you taken care of.” You swallowed, unsure of exactly what he meant by that. 8 hours? And Shoto wasn’t here yet? “Are you hungry?” His voice once again dropped down to that raspy level, and you couldn’t help but let out a small squeak like a mouse caught in a trap.

For some reason, unbeknownst to you, your omega shuddered and not in fear.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

Wrong Number, Asshole - A Bakugou Katsuki Soulmate AU

All Parts

Part 19:

You stared helplessly at your phone.

He still hadn’t answered you or even read the texts you’d sent him- it had been over a week since you sent the last two.

Bakugou told you that he’d be away. That he wouldn’t be at his phone, but that was almost two entire weeks ago, and nobody would be without a phone for that long. You knew something was wrong. Could feel the incorrectness and hollowness in your soul- in that same part of your heart that had suddenly been filled since you met him. 

You sent him another text, fueled by nothing but desperation. 

Another few days went by. Nothing. Radio silence, and unread texts, and a heart that felt heavier with each passing moment.

That wrongness that you felt seemed to multiply by the minute, your skin seeming to itch and feel too tight and too lose all at once. You felt helpless. There was nothing you could do, no where you could look, nobody you could tell. 

All you knew was a last name- a last name that was common. A last name that was shared by 1000s of people all across Japan, and a last name that was shrouded entirely by a pro-hero who was everywhere you looked. 

You’d already tried searching, desperately typing in that last name, but the only thing you could ever pull up was articles about Bakugou Katsuki. Dynamite. Pro-hero highlights and various smear pieces were all you could find under that last name. It was just picture after picture of a blonde head of hair and a scowling face that wasn’t your soulmate’s. Explosions and ash and burning debris and villains and heroes and- you resented Dynamite. He was the reason you couldn’t reach your Bakugou. 

There was nothing you could do. Absolutely nothing, and it nearly killed you.

You threw your phone away in frustration, crushed by another search that yielded nothing but Dynamite. 

You wanted to cry, wanted to yell, wanted to scream until your throat tore for all the things being stolen from you. If he wasn’t okay, if he wasn’t still able to be there for you, all of your childhood dreams were over. There would be no happy ending for you, no fairy-tale love, no perfect puzzle pieces finally slotting together. There would just be you. You and your one-half of a soul and one-half of a name and a potential funeral you couldn’t even go to because you didn’t know who he was or where he lived or how to reach him past a phone. All you had was his voice, all you got to have was his voice and his jokes and a siew of nicknames and texts and it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough because it was bits of him; little, tiny, miniscule pieces of someone that was supposed to be yours but apparently wasn’t. Instead of him, it was just you- alone and waiting and etched with a ugly tattoo you should’ve never expected to guarantee forever. 

You didn’t want to think about it- didn’t even want to entertain the idea of him not being okay- but at this point it felt like you had no other choice. Bakugou didn’t seem like the type to just disappear- had proven time after time to you that he wasn’t. Something was wrong. Horribly, terribly, catastrophically wrong and you just knew it. Could feel it settling in your bones like a poison.

You fell onto your bed, peeling back the covers and collapsing onto your pillow. You couldn’t remember falling asleep. Couldn’t even be sure when you stopped crying. 

--/--

You suddenly jolted awake- fingers scrambling to find your ringing phone.

Bakugou :)) - Incoming Call 1:07 AM

You felt like you couldn’t breathe- like there wasn’t enough air in the world to make your lungs work. With shaking fingers, you accepted the call. 

“Hey, idiot.” Bakugou’s voice was hoarser than you remember, barely there and weak through the phone. He coughed. “Been a fuckin’ while, huh?”

Your heart jumped, seeming to nearly seize at the sound of his voice- at the sound of his croaking breath, at the sound of him present and okay on the other end of the phone. You pressed your palms into your eyes, trying to will yourself not to cry, but you couldn’t help it. He was there, and fine, and talking and it didn’t feel like your heart was breaking anymore.

“You motherfucker,” You choked out, trying to clear the tears from you throat. You were sure Bakugou could hear them anyway. “Fuck you- you asshole.”

Bakugou just seemed to laugh- a thin, withering sound that got stuck in his throat. He coughed again, the sound of his chest rattling audible and frightening through the phone. 

“Yeah.” He croaked. “Fuckin’ deserved that one, huh?”

“Where were you?” You held your phone with both your shaking hands, clutching at it desperately. “Y-you didn’t- fuck- you didn’t answer! And I texted you and texted you and you didn’t fucking answer and I was so worried, you absolute fucker, and scared and I-I-”

Your shuddered, gasping to catch your breath. It felt like every bit of anxiety you’d had from the past two weeks was crawling up your throat all at once. It was torrent of worry and desperation and anguish tearing apart your ribcage and bursting out your mouth. You were tired and your chest hurt and you couldn’t seem to stop crying. 

“It-it’s okay. I’m okay. Stop crying, sunshine.” He soothes, but his voice is too thin and too ragged and all it does it make you worry. “I’m right fuckin’ here- not goin’ anywhere, okay?”

“Y-you’re not! You’re not okay! I can fuckin’ hear you. Y-you’re coughing and your voice doesn’t sound right and-” You take a deep breath, wiping at your eyes. “What happened to you?”

A pause. Another cough. Another round of chest-rattling coughs.

“I, uh, jus’ got a little fuckin’ hurt s’all.” He grits out. “It’s-I’m fine. It’s alright. I’ll be just fuckin’ fine.”

“For two weeks? You were hurt for two weeks?”

“No- I, uh, got held up for a bit. And then hurt.”

“What?” You gasp, incredulous. “Bakugou- t-that doesn’t- it doesn’t make any fucking sense! Held up? What the hell does that even mean?”

There’s silence from his end, but you can hear his ragged breaths and a steady, mechanical beeping through the phone.

“W-what’s that beeping sound?” You ask.

“It’s nothing- it’s uh-”

“Bakugou. Cut the bullshit, please-” You beg voice high and desolate. “Just tell me what’s going on. I-I don’t get it! How could you just be gone for two weeks and then be hurt a-and that noise- it’s a monitor isn’t it?”

More silence. 

“Isn’t it?”

“Yes.” He bites out. “It is.”

“Oh my god,” You want to scream, panic once again overtaking you. “Are you in a hospital, right now?”

“Yes.”

Something in you breaks. Something lodged deep in your chest, and all you can think about is seeing him. Making sure that he really is alive in a hospital bed and not some fucked-up figure of your imagination right now.

“Where?” You demand. “Where?”

“W-what?”

“I said fucking where, Bakugou.” You caught your breath, willing your voice to be solid. “Tell me. Right now.”

“I- No!”

“Oh my god, why won’t you just tell me- anything! Ever! You don’t tell me fucking anything and all I know about you is fuck-all nothing and-” Your voice rises, higher and higher and louder as you rant. “Do you even know what I’ve been doing these past two weeks? Worrying! About you! And fucking looking your name up and finding nothing because I don’t know who you are or how to reach you or where you live or even what you look like- a-all I have is your voice and your last name and that’s not even fucking helpful because all I can find is some goddamn hero, Dynamite, who isn’t you and I couldn’t- I couldn’t-”

You’re gasping for air now, nearly shattering your phone in your vice grip. You chest aches, burns, and all he’s doing is sitting on the other end of the phone. Silent. Breathing. Saying nothing like always.

“That’s me.” He finally says, quiet and subdued. 

“Excuse me?”

Bakugou coughs again. It sounds painful.

“Dynamite.” He finally whispers out. “It’s me.”

You drop your phone. Watch it slip out of your hands and onto the ground. 

Dynamite. It’s me.

Bakugou Katsuki. Scowling, blonde, angry, Bakugou Katsuki. Ash-ridden pro-hero covered in gunpowder and searing burns and surrounded by fire Bakugou Katsuki. 

He was your soulmate. The man who seemed to infect your life for the past two weeks. The man you couldn’t find was exactly the same man who was everywhere you looked no matter what you did- on TV, on the internet, in every article you read, every bit of research you ever conducted for your project- and apparently on your phone. This entire time. 

You’re angry, shaking and seething and fuming as you pick your phone back up.

“Fuck you, Bakugou,” You spit venomously, tears once again falling. “Y- you just- you disappeared, for weeks, to go be a fucking hero and didn’t even tell me? You put yourself in danger, fucking knowing- w-what if you- what if you- I wouldn’t have known! I wouldn’t have ever fucking known what happened to you and I wouldn’t ever get to know- and you’d just be- you’d just be-”

“Gone.” 

“Gone.” You repeat.

“T-this is why I didn’t wanna fuckin’ tell ya.” He wheezes. “Because it fuckin’ changes things when you say you’re a hero.”

“A-a hero?” You’re nearly yelling into the phone. “You think I’m upset over you being a fucking hero?”

“Aren’t you?”

“No!” You scream, enraged. “I’m not- I don’t. I don’t care about you being a fucking hero! I care about you, you fucking asshole! I’ve been sitting here for weeks worrying about you, and searching for you, because you fucking vanished and I didn’t know how to look for you and I couldn’t find anything and I just wanted to find you because I like you- I like you, you fucking idiot!”  

He’s silent, the only sounds are your raging breaths and the beeping of a machine.

“You like me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You’re screeching now. “That’s what you fucking got from that? Are you fucking stupid? That’s the stupidest fucking thing you’ve ever said to me! Are you even fucking listening to me right n-”

Bakugou laughs. He laughs, loud and unrestrained and slightly rattling, interrupting your train of thought completely. You’re clutching your phone, pressing it to your ear and seeing red.

“A-are you fucking laughing? Stop fucking laughing- this isn’t- I’m fucking mad at you! Stop laughing, you’re being fucking immature and stupid and a fucking asshole right now! Did you hear a fucking thing I sai-”

“You fuckin’ like me.” He repeats. “I like you too, idiot.”

The wind is knocked out of you- every bit of oxygen is a struggle and your heart is beating fast, faster, so very fast like it’s racing around your ribcage and ripping through the skin of your chest and everything hurts but it doesn’t at the same time and all you can think and see is Bakugou. Bakugou Katsuki.

“I like you, too.” You respond, suddenly dazed.

A pause, another rattling laugh.

“You said that already, idiot.”

Just kidding. Back to thinking and seeing red and only bleeding red.

“Actually, you know what,” Your voice is tight and overwhelmingly loud. “Fuck you! I hate you, you fucking asshole! Made me worry for fucking weeks just to sit there and make fun of me! I’m fucking mad at you- so fucking mad! You know what? I’m hanging u-”

“Don’t.” He says suddenly. “Please.”

His voice stops you in your tracks. Bakug- Katsuki sounds soft and tender and quiet and he didn’t swear once. He’s hurt and he’s probably still hurting and you decide then that you couldn’t do that to him- hang up on him. It was an empty threat. You figured it probably always would be from now on, no matter how angry he made you. 

“Y-yeah. Okay.” You start. “But only because you’re fuckin’ hurt or whatever and even I couldn’t fuckin’ do that to-”

“You sound like me.” He interrupts, and there’s something so fond in his voice that it makes you shiver. “Swearing like a fuckin’ sailor, sunshine, what the hell happened to you, huh?”

“Y-you!” You sputter, trying to recover from the way the nickname wounded you. “You fucking happened to me, you absolute prick! You never telling me anything happened to me! The last two fuckin’ weeks happened to me!” 

He just laughs again, and you think you could kill him. Are suddenly really contemplating just finishing the job off- until he coughs. Until he coughs and rattles and shakes and doesn’t stop coughing for almost an entire minute.

“You- you’re okay? Right?” You ask, voice quiet.

“Mhm.” Bakugou hums, voice deep and raspy. “Everythin’s just fuckin’ peachy.”

“No. I’m serious. Be serious. Are you okay?” 

There’s silence on his end, but you think maybe you can hear the shuffling of blankets.

“N-no.” He grits out, almost like admitting it is painful. “It’s- I’m not. I will be, though.”

“Okay.” You nod. “How long are you in the hospital for?”

“Not sure. Jus’ fuckin’ woke up.”

“And you called me,” You were yelling again. “Call a fucking nurse! Call one right now! You probably need like fucking meds or treatment or like your vitals taken or something! Hang up! Hang up right now and call a nurs-”

“No thanks.”

“Excuse me? Bakugou, are you even listening to me? You’re hurt! You need to fucking call somebody- a nurs-”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Bakugou interrupts, voice hardly there. “Wouldn’ta if I knew you were gonna yell so much, though. Who the fuck yells that much?”

You pause. Taken aback by his words, by his admission. Only for a moment though. 

“You! You fucking yell so much, you asshole! I learned it from you!” 

Bakugou coughs again, and you lower your voice. You sober up.

“I’m serious. Hang up. Get a nurse.” You suggest gently. “Call me again later, yeah?”

“Yeah.” He agrees. “Okay.”

Bakugou hangs up and you finally feel your heart begin to calm. He wastes no time, sending a text only seconds later. 

--/---

eat up, bitches!! it’s an identify reveal, near death experience AND confession scene- welcum to the sweet sweet world of my favorite tropes ~ it only goes up frum hear 

[tempenensis]

Jujutsu Kaisen Light Novel #2

Firstly, @bonsai62​ provides me with raw text of this - so thank you very much! This is the first eight pages of the first chapter from the second light novel. That being said, I don’t know how much I get this translation right, but enjoy anyway. Though this is cut at bad point lol

The title of the light novel is Thorny Road at Dawn. Text in bold means that it is spoken in English. 

Chapter 1: Nobara and Toge

.

“About Toge?”

August has begun.

Under the overlapping form of trees in the schoolyard, Panda asks back to Kugisaki who he has been holding on his arm and turning over 180 degree.

For the upcoming exchange event, Fushiguro is also working hard to train as participating first year.

He is in the middle of training with assumption that one-vs-one sorcerer combat can break especially during the fight.

Even though she is training, Kugisaki is now thrown towards Panda – repeatedly thrown towards him in a stage. But because it seems that her motivation is high, she’s become into it, as long as in the end she can be successful facing Todo and Mai even just a little bit.

“Yes. I understand Maki-san is worth of my respect. I also know that Panda-senpai is sorcerer with ability.”

“I also want you to say the same thing about me like Maki.”

Kugisaki answers as she stands up and brushes away leaves attached to her jersey.

“I respect you. I’m not saying bullshit about Panda-san.” (1)

“Well, if you become able to chat while being blown away, I’ll praise you.”

“My body can easily remember just blown like this.”

“Hooon. Then”

Panda looks around, confirming that Toge who went to pharmacy has not come back.

“What about Toge?”

“What kind of senpai is he?”

“Eh, you don’t know from talking to him?”

“Not that I don’t understand. Well, I know he is not a bad person, but if all his vocabularies are riceball fillings, talking with him will be limited, right?”

“We already get too used to it, right Maki?”

“Aah. Now that you say it, it naturally becomes question.”

Maki is spinning around a staff, sending a sympathetic look to Fushiguro after she lightly avoids Fushiguro’s attack and land a small hit on his head.

“It hurts…”

“You are thinking too much again with your head.”

Maki joins the conversation as she glances at groaning Fushiguro. Out of breath but clean of dust, she circles around Panda calmly.

“Among us maybe he is the best at taking care.”

“Yeah, he has a bright personality (2). If you exclude Yuuta, then he is the number one good person in our year.”

“His flaw is that he can get carried away a little.” (3)

“Is he?”

“You are the one who always get carried away when we are together, that’s why you don’t know.”

“That’s unexpected. We are not like that though. We like to join in the fun.”

Kugisaki’s body fitness is finally reaching that point where she can chat while doing her training. Even then, the second years who are lightly talking among them without difficulty remembers existence of Kugisaki of August (4) in the nearby stage.

Just a bit when Panda’s attention is at Maki as they converse, Kugisaki tries to do a feint from the side and mixes it with an upper but—

“Anyway.”

“Geh.”

Panda sways easily, then he hesitates a little before swipe Kugisaki’s feet in sobat-like (5) kick.

Kugisaki, whose pivot foot collapses, falls down rolling. Her body becomes totally irresponsive. In several weeks here, it’s a movement that she kept thought she could do.

That said she becomes irresponsive and she can’t win the match.

As he looks down at Kugisaki who makes a discouraged face, Panda opens his mouth.

“Toge is a good guy. That alone you should know.”

“….I see.”

More than that, her body has become irresponsive and her back is hurting.

The frequency of her falling down sloppily has not reduced, also buying a replacement jersey have also becomes necessary -- Kugisaki at summer time thinks with melancholy.

.---.

The story continues when it has turn to fall.

After the incident of Yasohachi has passed, there’s a brief spare time.

At that day, Kugisaki is alone in Shibuya.

Fushiguro is locking himself up and reading in his room as he is still exhausted after he overexerted himself.

Itadori has gone out to watch a maniac movie in a cinema currently doing a whole-building screening.

Maki is currently on a mission different from Yasohachi bridge, so she can’t meet her conveniently in a while. Kugisaki who completely doesn’t have a plan, aims to go shopping to make-up and clothes shops which are hard to go with boys, then buy daily necessities.

“Winter clothes set, winter shoes, inner and foundation and…”

Grasping paper bags in both hands, she lifts them up as she confirms her haul today.

She doesn’t think she bought too much, but she has walked more than she had planned. Maybe wearing the pin heel boots she bought the other day is a bit mistake.

But it is a rare chance that she gets to go out and shop alone. There’s a lot she still needs to buy.

Kugisaki is thinking to go looking for bags next as she walks in traffic jam.

When she had just arrived in Tokyo, it all seemed to be glittering scenery. After around three months has passed, she gets used to it a lot, used to hearing noisy sounds.

That being said, it is a backside of being busy and lively. It’s a thing that’s called taste of convenience.

“And that, it is really a masterpiece.”

“Doesn’t it make you angry?”

“Hey, hey. Girl, are you alone? Are you free?”

“I’m in a hurry.”

“Salmon.”

“We’re opening a new shop! Please take care of us.”

“Are you not going to eat?”

“How much are you going to eat?!”

“It’s damned boring, how about we skip work today?”

“Mama, buy me that!”

A lot of voices. It’s an intersection where a lot of life collides.

There are daily life as many as the number of people, there are worlds as many as the number of people. In the city where many wills and voices flying around, of course there will be a lot of people who is feeling gloomy – but not Kugisaki.

For her who has a firm sense of self, she understands that everyone has their own way of living in the hustle bustle of the city, it even feels like a kindness.

Now that she thinks about it, the village where she comes from was suffocating.

An exclusivity that imitate the people who had come before (6). An ecosystem long existed that doesn’t recognize individuality of a person. A closed world that gently rot — exists there in that village, Kugisaki thinks.

Compared to the crowd of the city, it is tough yet she can live with freedom.

In the city, someone says that the concern towards other people is weak. Kugisaki laughs, thinking that is wonderful. She has her own way and won’t blame anyone over it. She will stand and walk with her own foot.

However, mixing in the city crowd during the holiday, a mysterious chance can happen.

“Hm?”

Kugisaki who walks towards the direction of Shibuya Hikarie (7) in the lane across the street, makes a face of remembering something as she found him. It is the only one of her acquittances who hides lower half of mouth with closed overly long collar.

It’s Inumaki Toge.

There is also another one. A male foreign tourist with thoughtful blue eyes who can’t be someone familiar. Kugisaki becomes interested on the exchange between the foreigner and Inumaki.

“What are they talking about?”

Kugisaki changes her destination, then crosses the road when the traffic lamp changes at the right timing, and strolls towards Inumaki. When she is near them, she overhears their talk.

“I’d like to go to SHIBUYA109.” (8)

“Salmon salmon.”

“Could you tell me where I can get a taxi?”

“Salmon roe.”

“Ah… Which way should we go?”

“Seaweed.”

“Ah…I, want to go. 109 (9). Please. Ok?”

“Salmon.”

“Shake?” (10)

“….Salmon?” (11)

“….Salmon!? Why?”

“Okaka…..” (12)

“Ee…?”

For some reason, in Kugisaki’s guess ten times over, it has become a troublesome situation.

She knows that Inumaki, who is a cursed speech user, only speaks in onigiri fillings to avoid sudden outburst of curse. How come that he is asked by foreigner tourist for direction.

No, Inumaki can use Inumaki’s way of showing the way – he points his finger and gestures using his body and hands. With that, she wonders if the foreigner becomes impatient (13) as Kugisaki decides to get in between the two of them.

“What are you doing, senpai?”

“Tunamayo.”

“It can’t be ‘tunamayo’. Jeez.”

“Oh! Geisha girl!”

“Who the heck is geisha girl?!”

.

.

--- tbc (hopefully can do more)

(1) More literally, she is saying things about Panda that “doesn’t smell like fairy tale” (2) “His root is bright” is the literal translation (3) 悪ノリ (akunori) is a bit hard to be translated. It’s like, getting carried away in mischievous manner. (4) Overheated Kugisaki lol (5) Sobat : back kick in wrestling (6) literally “To follow the right” (7) A skyscraper in Shibuya (8) A department store in Shibuya (9) Spoken in broken Japanese lol. (10) Shake = salmon. He repeats what Toge said to him. In Inumaki’s language means “yes” (11) Salmon, as in engrish lol (12) Okaka = chopped katsuobushi, in Inumaki’s language means “no” (13) literally, “becomes hot”

[hwauas]

🔞: "honeymoon"

kim hongjoong | 김홍중 - 2,347 words

please note that y/n is here a woman.

nothing would break your happiness. absolutely nothing.

you were newly married to the man you always loved from the bottom of your heart. Kim Hongjoong. your Kim Hongjoong.

the wedding day was exactly like you wanted it to be. in the forest, where all kind of magic would bring you into a real and living fairy tale. your fairy tale.

     this day, Hongjoong looked like a real prince as he tried to match with you who looked like a Victorian princess. the simple white dress, the delicate and embroidered bridal veil, this crown you always dreamt of on your head: you were living your dream by his side.

     your wedding day symbolised the very beginning of the honeymoon. the first two days as miss Kim has been spent in a cosy wooden house in this forest. but then, he took you out on a trip, and you discovered a whole new side of the honeymoon he planed.

the place he took you at was a place above all your hope.

this place held as much magic and fantasy as this forest you get to say 'yes' to Hongjoong. it was basically a manor house that fit perfectly your wedding theme, far from all form of civilization.

you thought he was crazy, but were the happiest deep inside you.

     it's been now a week since you get married to Hongjoong, and since you became Kim y/n. and so, it's been a week since you were living a dream. you forgot about your day-to-day life, the problems, the tasks. only your husband mattered.

     “honey, what are you doing? aren't you cold?”

Hongjoong approached you from behind. he rested both his hands on your arms, and softly kissed your exposed shoulders. you couldn't help but smile at this soft touch.

     “no, not really. the view is breathtaking.. this matters more than the chill breeze.”

     “but your skin says the opposite, honey.”

Hongjoong softly wrapped his arms around you. you soon felt his warmth engulfing you as well as his sweet scent.

he stayed against you, pecking your skin here and there. he didn't care as much as you about the sight, the sunset behind the city afar.

     watching the sunset never failed to soothe you. the stress, the pain, the issues or the angry... nothing could resist a sunset to you. the sunset was also announcing the calm, the peace of the night. just like the waves after something hit the surface of a stretch of water that slowly disappear, allowing the surface to slowly become as calm as before.

     “can we stay here a little bit longer, please?”

Hongjoong's warmth was enough for you to balance with the breeze.

     “i'd rather not. i don't want my wife to catch a cold during our honeymoon.”

his voice was sweet, a soft melody in your ear. a hand brushed past your arm and softly grabbed your hand.

“are you following me?”

the whisper gave you goosebumps, just as the kisses he left on your skin behind your ear, and down to your neck. you shyly nodded, feeling the breath twitch in your throat.

     Hongjoong led you across the corridors to a room you never visited before. he opened the door, and went inside before you. you could already tell there was a sweet scent coming out of this room. and when you saw the candles, the dozens and dozens of candles here and there which were illuminating the room, you understood this was all planed by your husband.

Hongjoong used your favourite candles, closed the net curtain and closed the window behind. he wanted to keep both the smell in, but also the warmth, and he wanted to darken a little the room from the moon.

     “Joong, honey.. you didn't have to..”

you slowly stepped forward to the bed, where Hongjoong sat while waiting for you.

     “i had to. we won't live this moment twice.”

he grabbed your hands once you were close enough to him, and pulled you to sat on his lap, you facing him.

“i wanted you to look at the star during this moment. but then, i realised nothing is more beautiful than you. not even the stars. so..”

he lifted up your head. you saw a mirror hanging on the ceiling, right above the bed. you blushed, yet stayed there, looking up to your reflections. Hongjoong started to kiss your throat, then your neck, and your collarbones.

“i want you to look at how beautiful you are.”

his hands made their way under your top, and found the perfect spot on your waist.

     “i- i can't look at me in a moment like this..”

you looked down at him again. your cheeks were showing how awkward you felt about this idea, but your eyes were showing pleasure only.

     “you can, sweetheart. and you will.”

     within a blink, you were under him, on the bed. his lips kept wandering on your skin: neck, collarbones, shoulders. until he couldn't go further because of your top. he slowly removed it, and threw it aside. he mumbled some compliments against your skin, his lips wandering back on you: the torso, your breasts, your stomach.

shy to look at you, your weren't looking at yourself. your eyes were closed, and your head turned to the side.

Hongjoong noticed it, and stopped what he was doing.

     “what did i say, sweetheart. won't you behave, today?”

you bit your lower lip, trying your best to take a deep breath even though it was still twitching. you slowly opened your eyes and looked up. the first thing you saw was your breasts which weren't perfect at all to you. you tried to hide them, but Hongjoong was quicker than you to stop you.

“you're stunning, sweetheart, don't hide yourself.”

     he slowly let go of your wrists to undo your bra. he also threw it away. his kisses were back on your breasts, going to a nipple. his tongue teased it, played with it, earnings few whimpers from you.

you ran a hand through his hair: you wanted to help him with it, and you wanted to let him know physically how good he was making you feel.

     your back arched off the bed, and it was as if you were gifting him your body, this body Hongjoong was loving, treasuring. you were his treasure, and his only.

Hongjoong's lips slowly started to go down again on your tummy, until he met your pants this time. he straightened up, his hands slowly tracing the curves of your body. he was so tender in his gestures. not a single gesture was violating your body, was doing something you disliked.

he finally reached for the brim of your pants, and removed it from you alongside your panties.

he spread your legs apart to sit on the bed in between them. his hands, on your knees, softly went up your thighs.

     “love, please, let me see you too.”

you were looking up to the mirror in aim to behave. you wanted this moment to stay as sweet as it has been until now. you spoke lowly, as if you were afraid to break the moment right now if you used your normal tone — and this caused your voice to crack.

     “as baby girl wants.”

he removed his top, and layed down between your thighs right after.

“but first, look at you being the most beautiful human this world ever known. you're so much more beautiful when your body is overwhelmed with pleasure.”

with that, he kissed your inner thigh, and your folds, before focussing on the main spot: your clit.

     his lips and his tongue were playing some magic on this bud of nerves, and around your area in general. you couldn't help but moan louder and louder at each contact between his wet cave and your wet core.

you tightened your hold on his hair, your toes curled up, your hips couldn't stay in place. he tried to pin them down, but he couldn't: you managed everytime to move them anyways.

you had troubles keeping your eyes wide open to look at you as he wanted. it was almost impossible, the pleasure was too strong.

     a first moan. and a second one. a third one.

you tried your best to aware him of your high approaching at each lick.

     “words. i want words, baby girl.”

he tasted again your wetness, yet only kitty licked you. this got you whining.

     “Joong, i'm- i'm close. please. let me come!”

your eyes finally shoot close at the pleasure overwhelming your body. his tongue slowly entered you, causing the pleasure to be ten times bigger.

     your high finally hit your body few seconds later. your hand was firmly holding his hair. your body was trembling at the stimulation through your high. you were short-winded. your skin was slightly twinkling at the glimmer of a candle.

Hongjoong was enjoying the view from your lower region. his tongue was again wandering around your area since he didn't want to waist any drop. but when he left your core, he frowned as he saw your eyes closed.

     “the mirror, baby girl. you're stunning, look at you.”

only when he made sure you were looking at yourself through the mirror, he removed his last pieces of clothes that remained on him. his length pocked at your lower region when he hovered you to kiss your neck again.

     “i only see a woman whose body was shaking because of the pleasure.”

a smirk you felt against your skin spread on his lips. he grabbed his manhood and rubbed it against your clit. your hips again moved, following his gestures, to enjoy to the fullest this strokes.

     “and you're gonna see it again pretty soon, sweetheart.”

he slowly entered into you, stretching your walls. it was a good sensation for both of you: you were welcoming him perfectly, and he felt good there, in this tight, hot and wet cave.

     before doing anything, he lifted your leg and rested it on his shoulder. he then started moving into you, slowly first so you could get used of his presence again. he kissed your leg on his shoulder, and gently stroked your thigh. his other hand was trying to keep your hips in place.

but this slow pace didn't last.

he first started by going faster into you, with each thrust going deeper into you. and these newly fast thrusts slowly turned into him pounding this spot he knew would take you to cloud nine — or higher.

his hand wandered from your hips to your chest to grab a nipple, and quickly went higher to your throat, meanwhile his other hand was holding on your thigh quickly, helping him to give you these powerful thrusts.

     “do you like what you see?”

he maintained your head up with his hand to force you looking at this beautiful reflection of yours — even though it was a blurry one. you only squeaked, hoping it was enough for him as an answer. but it wasn't. he lightly tightened his hand around your throats.

“words, sweetheart. i don't understand squeaks.”

     you collected your strengths to answer verbally his question. this task was harder than you thought, because of the pleasure coming from each gestures he made. you were almost speechless.

     “am i making you feel that good that you can't speak?”

his behaviour was kinda bestial, but the look in his eyes were showing an unending love, and lust. he desired you more than no one else.

     “f-fuck! yes, Joong! yes you do!”

you managed to scream again. your eyes were slowly getting wet by tears because of the pleasure, because of how good you felt. you high was approaching again, dangerously approaching. and when you thought you could experience it, Hongjoong's thrusts stopped.

     “on my cock, back facing me. if you want to cum, then make you feel good honey.”

he layed down next to you on the bed, and as desperate as you were, you quickly straddled him. you thought it was your chance to reach your high without looking at you as he wanted you to do. your hands were on his thighs as you were sinking his hardened member into you. but as soon as you started to bounce on him, he grabbed a handful of your hair to pull them without hurting you, making you look up at your reflection again. you moaned out at the feeling of your hair being pulled as you always loved.

“look how beautiful you are when you are bouncing on me.”

     you kept doing on him, and tried at the same time to look at you. all forms of shyness left your body, you were now down to look at you being fucked. and you even started to notice few things you liked about yourself. as strange as this was to you at the beginning, it ended up being something helpful to love yourself a little more.

     “Joong! can i come?”

you screamed out, feeling his manhood effortlessly hitting spots that made you feel extremely good. and as soon as you heard his approval, you stopped yourself and came undone on him, on his member, on his thighs, and his balls.

he let go of your hair to grab your hips, maintaining them in place, and used a lot of his last strengths to fuck you through your high.

he painted your walls with his white liquid, his thrusts sloppier than ever, and he slowly stopped, giving you his last thrusts.

     “how do you feel, honey?~”

he started to stroke your body softly: your back, your waist, your thighs.

     “good.. i've never felt this good..~”

you tried to catch your breath as you were coming down from your high.

     you pulled him out of you, and layed besides him. his sweet behaviour slowly came back: he held you close to him, kissed your forehead multiple times, and strokes your arm softly.

     “i love you, Kim y/n.”

you smiled wildly, proud to be his wife. proud to have the same name as him.

     “i love you too, Kim Hongjoong.”

you kissed his chest, and drifted to sleep in his hold without even realising it.

[sanktnikolais]

this is what love does

A/N: so here is your friendly neighbor zoyalai who rewrote that scene in the Os Kervo main hall (Rule of Wolves chapter 46). Idk man this is what I have in mind and I just wanted to put more monologue and make some drastic changes KJHASDFLKHASDF 

i think their scene in this chapter could have gone better ngl ahjsfkajsf but if you’re okay with canon, i’m absolutely glad you are. I just needed to make this bc my zoyalai heart said so HHAHAHA

as always @wafflesandkruge enabled me again and volunteered to edit this mess so thank you ily  🥺

contains some spoilers for Rule of Wolves so pls beware before reading :> 

Word count: 4169

When the doors to the hall finally closed, Zoya released a breath of frustration. She wanted a moment of total silence, where she could shut out the voices of the people chanting her name or the affirmative tones of the dukes that agreed with Nikolai in nominating her as Ravka’s new queen. A bottle of brandy would be good too, and yet it didn’t materialize out of thin air just as she wanted it to.

          She put a hand to her forehead, feeling the fatigue from the war slowly drain what was left of her strength. This was madness—everything that had happened in the past few weeks. Headache after headache, they kept coming like the barrage of Fjerdan firepower they had just encountered in the battlefield hours ago. 

          But the biggest headache of all was standing right in front of her in all his confident glory, the small grin never leaving his lips even as Zoya scowled at him. Nikolai Lantsov was a royal through and through. And despite the dirt that still smudged on his face, or the dried blood on his collar, he never lost that spark in him, no matter what he said about not wanting to claim the Lantsov bloodline. 

          How could he suddenly expect her to do this on her own terms? 

          "Are you out of your saintsforsaken mind?" Zoya hissed at the smiling king. He still was the king, and would continue to be as far as she was concerned. "I could strike you with lightning right now but I don't think I have the energy left for that."

          Nikolai's grin turned into a wince. "Ah, but I'm always in the right state of mind," he said as he approached her with rather careful steps as if he was testing the waters around her. "And I have never been more sane and sober than now, Zoya."

          The urge to summon lightning at him was still strong, but she shoved the thought down. Ravka didn't need another funeral right now, and especially not for its king. 

          "Say something spiteful." 

          Zoya furrowed her eyebrows. "What?" 

          "You're scowling again, and I think the only way to really know you're angry is when you combine your scowl with harsh words." 

          “Do you really have a death wish?" 

          The infuriating king pretended to think for a moment, his eyes narrowing curiously as he scratched the spot behind his ear. “I think we’ve had enough of staring down death today—”

          Thunder rumbled in the skies as Zoya’s anger flared, and Nikolai flinched. But Nikola, being himself, recovered quickly with a grin. She looked at him in disbelief. It was both baffling and amazing how fast this man could change into one of his masks in just a matter of a second and then he was another person entirely. 

          It was their difference—Zoya didn’t have that skill. She’d never had the capability of pretending. Where she had walls around her heart to hide the girl who once believed in fairy tales and love and other nonsense, Nikolai wore his masks like they were his second skin, and it blended with the boy who just wanted what was best for his country, until he didn’t know who he was anymore. 

          She had never shown any signs of weakness or vulnerability, and even if she did, she would still deny it until she convinced her heart it had never happened. But he was different. He was ready to wear his heart on his sleeve if he wanted to, displaying his emotions at all times. And if he didn’t get anything out of it, he would put his mask back on like nothing happened.

          Zoya hid; Nikolai pretended. If she were to look at it, pretending was better than hiding. 

          “Is it really that bad?” Nikolai asked softly. 

          Yes. 

          No.

          I don’t know.

          If she were still the same person she had been three years ago, she knew she would have accepted the offer right away. But things had changed and progressed since then, and whoever she once was, someone who wanted so much power, was long gone. 

          “We both know I’m not cut out for this, Nikolai,” she replied.

          He didn’t say anything else, and just waited. Zoya huffed in frustration.

          “You’re the diplomat, the charmer.” She gestured in the air vaguely. “Even if you’re not of the royal bloodline, there is no denying that you’ve always had the knack for this. I’m just—”

          She was just what? A general? A Grisha who broke the boundaries of the Orders and achieved the impossible? An actual living saint? 

          Zoya let out a breath. A shadow passed on Nikolai’s face, his expression darkening to some kind of disappointment as if he already knew what she was going to say. But considering everything they had been through, it was definitely safe to say he knew her no matter how good she was at hiding. 

          She still said it anyway. “I’m just no one.”

          “Don’t even go there.”

          “You know I wouldn’t say anything I don’t mean, Nikolai. I was meant to be a soldier, to train and lead armies to their victory and be with them until our very last breaths. It was always like that.” And when Nikolai looked like he was about to contradict her, Zoya beat him to it by raising a finger to silence him. “Don't. There's nothing to say. And don’t start with me by saying you were never meant for the crown, nor the throne. That may have been the case, but you are what Ravka has needed for a long time. You fought for it instead of selling it. Hurt for it, bled for it, almost dying twice just to keep it from the mud. If that’s not what a king does, then I don’t know what I should call it.”

          “A job well done?” he offered, laughing lightly when she gave him a glare that could silence the Second Army in a heartbeat. “I’m merely joking, Nazyalensky.”

          “Can you be serious for once?” Zoya shook her head, heading over to one of the benches and slumping down on it. 

          It was only then she felt the weight of today’s war come back to her, and she found herself not wanting to stand up for a moment. Maybe she would just stay here until  the madness outside passed, though she knew it would take a while. 

          She hunched forward with her eyes trained on her hands clasped together on her knees. She couldn’t bear to look at him as of the moment, and it irked her as it felt like she was hiding yet again and she was already tired of doing that. But when an enormous responsibility was suddenly presented to her, along with the ability to hold power over everything else, didn’t she have the right to hesitate or even think about it? 

          It felt like being appointed to the Grisha Triumvirate again after the war the Darkling waged that almost took Ravka down with it, and they were forced to stand up on their own feet to save the country from drowning right after fighting for their lives. It was never fair, but they braved through it. 

          But at what cost? 

          It doesn’t stop with us. It never does.

          It was what David always used to say, and Zoya found those words haunting her every night after his death, knowing all too well she could have done so much better to protect him and save Genya from her pain. If it didn’t stop with them, what difference would it make if it was her seated on the throne? 

          Ravka was finally free, even if not completely yet, but the light at the end of the tunnel they had long since walked through was already bright as any star could have been. 

          A shadow on the marbled floor caught her eyes, and she looked up just in time to see Nikolai kneel in front of her, taking her hands in his. She almost—almost—wrenched away from him, but then she realized that it was him, the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve and bared everything to her without a second thought. He was looking up at her with such a soft, understanding expression on his face that she wondered if she was seeing right. 

          She blinked, and then she felt as if she was back at the ship again, hearing his confession that took the breath out of her lungs and made her heart beat like it had never been before. 

          And for the past years of her life and the rest that would still come, Zoya was sure she would never feel as frightened as she was now. 

          You promised yourself you would speak your heart when you had the chance, didn’t you? she scolded in her mind. Only the saints knew how much she had waited for this moment between them after the war. She almost didn’t have the chance. So why was she trying to run away from it again?

          He was so, so near, and yet she was still terrified to reach for him. 

          "I can't do this, Nikolai," she said instead. 

          "I will be by your side." Always, was what hung at the end and not said aloud, but she knew he meant it. 

          Zoya felt a small smile on her lips, the urge to touch his face becoming stronger than her will to fight it. What was stopping her? Her pride? Maybe it really was that, but her damn pride had already cost her enough. 

          So she reached a hand up to his cheek, her touch gentle as the breeze that fluttered in the room when her skin met his. 

          Nikolai learned in her hand almost immediately, a content sigh coming from his lips. 

          "I would give my life for Ravka over and over again, as I know you would too," she whispered, her thumb gently brushing his cheekbone. She dropped her hand and put it on top of his. "But I don't think this is what's best for Ravka. We have fought and lived through the wars it suffered. We vowed to drag it from the mud it had fallen into until our last breaths, and now that it can finally stand up on its own, I think it's had its fill of kings and queens and wars. Ravka now needs to listen to its people."

          Zoya knew it sounded ambitious and audacious, but it could be a start, a beginning of a new age. The journey would be a tedious one, as always, but she knew it was worth the try. Ravka was always worth the try, no matter how much it took from them. 

          Silence stretched between them for a moment, and Zoya was thankful for it being a comfortable one rather than a tense pause. She searched his eyes, trying to find the stubborn glint in them as a sign that he was thinking of arguing back. But she didn't see it. 

          There was only the look he had always sent her way, the same one he had when he bared his heart to her in the airship, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat. She really ought to strangle him for making her feel this way. 

          "Spoken like a true queen, I'd say," said Nikolai with a laugh. 

          Zoya scoffed, grateful for the sudden distraction. "I remember that I didn't agree with the proposal of me being the new queen, so that means you're still the king, Your Idiocy." 

          There was a hint of an amused grin at the corner of his lips. "What can I say? When I thought of what's best for Ravka, my mind instantly thought of you." 

          "Didn’t I ask you to be serious even just for once?"

          "You speak as if I were making those words up." 

          "If you know what's best for you and Ravka, you would stop trying to change my mind because my decision would remain the same."

          Nikolai smiled ruefully. "I know." He paused, turning his attention to their joined hands. There was an unusual slump in his shoulders, something she rarely saw him have. He sighed, and then slowly pressed his forehead to her knuckles. "I thought I lost you today," he said quietly. 

             Her heart clenched at the pain in his voice, but she understood it. She almost lost him today too. "You won't be rid of me that easily, Nikolai," Zoya said. 

          He chuckled, and it sounded more in pain than in amusement. Then he drew in a shaky breath before looking back up at her. "When I saw you fall, I thought the worst and I—" He stopped with a dry laugh. "But I guess you're right, I won't be able to get rid of you that easily." 

          She felt a smile curl on her lips. "I should be the one telling you that, but I figure it can go both ways," Zoya said, and before she could make herself hide away again, she gave in and lowered her forehead to touch his. In a soft whisper, she said, "But I've never been more grateful you're still here with me." 

          They were still here, alive and breathing, and she was glad they both got to see the end of the day. When she felt herself plummeting to the ground, she thought that it was her end, and she had accepted it. Exhaustion crept in her bones, her own strength not enough to whip up a draft to cushion her fall. But there was a gust of wind—from Nadia or from Adrik—that caught her, saving her from the deadly impact. 

          And then a voice. His voice, full of worry and hurt and pain, pleading her to wake. He was the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes again, and it was during that moment she allowed herself to wish that he would be the one she would wake up to every morning, and the last one she’d see when she fell asleep at night. 

          It had reminded Zoya of the time she saved the king from falling once, back when they were just soldiers fighting for their lives in the Fold, and she wondered if he had been glad to see her when he opened his eyes.

          Nikolai reached a hand up to touch her cheek, his fingers light as if she were the most important thing in the world that he was finally allowed to touch. His eyes never wavered from hers. 

          "I would still choose you, you know," he suddenly said, his voice trembling. "Even if you didn't want to do anything with me anymore. Even if you were in some place else, reassigned to another position. Even if you didn't want me." He tried to smile, but it seemed to take more effort than just not. "I'd still want you. I'd still want you with everything in me."

          Zoya already knew how he felt for her beforehand, his confession back in the ship sharpening into focus in her mind. And yet she still felt like she heard him bare his heart to her for the first time, even when he had already been doing it for years. 

          It would be so easy to tell him that she felt the same; those three words that were hanging between them for a long time begging to be set free. But still a small, terrified part of her held back, and she realized that it was the girl she had once been, the girl who believed in everything before the cruel world took that magic away from her and replaced it with fear. 

          This is what love does. It took away everything, blinded one's logic and reasoning, and even brought pain that no one should feel. Why should people hurt when all they ever wanted was to have and feel the love they deserved? 

          “I know I’ve already told you this on the ship,” Nikolai continued, the rueful smile returning to his lips. “But I wanted you to hear it again, as I almost didn’t have the chance today. No prince and no power could ever make me stop wanting you.” 

          Zoya felt her breath get knocked out from her lungs again, but her doubts and insecurities continued to cloud her, lingering in her as if they were the only ones her heart knew of. “Maybe for now you will want me.” She paused, unexpected tears stinging her eyes. She closed them instead; she didn’t think she could bear looking at him. “But soon enough you will grow to hate me. I’m too sharp. Too angry. Too spiteful.” And you deserve so much better than that. “That’s who I am, Nikolai.”

          “Zoya,” Nikolai murmured.

          She felt his breath ghost over her skin, and yet she still refused to look at him. She couldn’t. But if there was one thing she knew about Nikolai Lantsov, it was his persistence for everything. 

          “Zoya, my love. Look at me,” he said softly, and this time Zoya finally obliged him. 

          An unwanted ache clogged her throat as she met his gaze, bright and warm and open. There was nothing in them except the sincerity he always had around her. In this light, his hazel eyes looked almost golden. He had a golden spirit. Then it struck her, as she remembered the words from a memory a long time ago, that maybe she was finally looking at that boy in her aunt’s story. He had been in front of her all along.

          Nikolai grinned, his eyes brighter than she had ever seen them, and there were tears clouding them as well. “You speak as if I haven’t seen you at your worst,” he said. 

          “You will grow tired of me, Nikolai.”

          “That’s where you’re wrong,” he said. A tear escaped his eye, and she felt it land on her hand. He let out another breathless laugh. “I’d want you for the rest of my life, Zoya.” 

          Something broke inside her chest, and then a tear fell from her eye as well. Her fingers intertwined with his, their hold on each other’s hands tightening as if the other would disappear if they let go. He brought her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. A few tears slipped on her hand as he did, but he had a look of contentment on his face, like he finally felt he was home. 

          More tears fell from her eyes as she pressed her forehead back to his. For years, she had let herself believe that she wasn’t worthy of being loved, that she was only made to be a soldier, a weapon to be used by her own country. 

          This is what love does. Zoya had been wrong from the start. Because in the end, Nikolai’s love for her was what made him see past her worst self. Every flaw and every scar, he accepted them wholeheartedly. She didn’t know how he’d come to love her, someone who had avoided any signs of kindness and sincerity he gave her, thinking that it would be used against her later. 

          There was no denying the pain they had caused each other through the years, when their words were too sharp and they wounded their hearts and pride before they could even have the chance to think of it. And yet they always came back to each other, their faith in each other still there if not stronger before. 

          Love was never without pain. It would still be felt over and over again because it was real. 

          And if tearing down the walls she had built around herself and giving her heart away would make her vulnerable to hurting, then perhaps it was something she was willing to do. 

          Because Nikolai Lantsov was worth every pain.

          So Zoya took the leap, drawing him up to her and pressing her mouth to his, and everything felt like it finally clicked into place. He acted immediately, and she could almost feel his smile against her lips. After the long days of wanting, her heart was at peace for once. The Fjerdans could have come back and waged war against them again, but she didn’t care about anything but the warm press of his lips.

          When the need for air became stronger than the need for each other’s lips, Zoya pulled away and rested her forehead against his. Her eyes were still clouded with tears when she finally said, “I love you.”

          To say that Nikolai’s grin was bright would have been an understatement. In the dull colored room they were in, he seemed to be glowing. He let out another breathless laugh. “I never thought I would hear those words come from you,” he said, his eyes alight with utter bliss. “But for what it’s worth” —he wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb— “I love you too.”

          Silence fell around them and everything focused on the man in front of Zoya. Perhaps she could stay here in his arms for another while and ignore the looming responsibilities standing right outside the doors. 

          She was his, and he was hers. For now, that was all that mattered. 

          “Is there really nothing that can change your mind?” Nikolai said, breaking the comfortable silence between them, and Zoya wanted nothing more than to strangle him right now.

          “You really had to ruin the atmosphere, didn’t you?” 

          He laughed lightly. “My ruthless Zoya, I am merely joking,” he said, and then his face became serious. For a moment, a small twinge of fear clawed at her heart. “Then what do you think about being a regent? At least until we find someone to rule properly, or until we could transition the monarchy towards something else.” He wrinkled his nose. “I mean, I said I would give you a crown, and this is my last chance to make good on my words even just for a short time. Besides, Regent Nazyalensky does have a nice ring to it.”

          Zoya raised an eyebrow, the idea not occurring to her until now. She furrowed her eyebrows. “You actually suggested something reasonable,” she said, earning a pout from the king. She looked at him with mild concern then, realizing the meaning of having a regent. “Are you really abdicating the throne?” 

          “I’m not joking when I said that the crown was never meant for me, and I think my bloodline really solidified that fact. I realized I was only fighting for this country, not the throne.” He shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “And if that’s really your decision, I would be with you in every step of the way. But I hope we can stabilize Ravka until we can have a solution to my....sudden resignation.” 

          “What’s your plan if ever that time comes?” Zoya knew she was asking so many questions, but she couldn’t help it. This man continued to surprise her with his declarations and she had no idea what could come next. “Play pirate again?”

          Nikolai scowled at her, and she wanted to laugh at his expression. “Privateer,” he corrected like always. Then he smiled, his eyes suddenly having a faraway look. “For once, I don’t know. But maybe I would play privateer again as I’ve missed the seas terribly.” Then he turned to her, his expression gentle. “If I ask you to come with me as my first mate then, would you agree?”

          Would she? Zoya had never known anything outside her life in Os Alta. For years, it had been a continuous battle for the freedom of the country that took everything from its people, and she had no time to think about her freedom if she ever did retire from being a soldier. 

          But she could already see glimpses of a future ahead, a quiet and easy life, without any fear of having to go back to war. And in those glimpses, she could see him. 

          Zoya huffed, making it sound as disbelieving as possible. But she already knew her answer. “I’d make a horrible first mate as I easily get seasick,” she said. 

          “Ah, but I don’t mind. As long as you’re there with me,” Nikolai said, taking her hands in his again. He pressed another kiss to her knuckles. “So what do you say, Regent Nazyalensky?”

          The future was something she had no control over, she always knew that. The only way to know what it held was to continue fighting until she reached it, and as long as she had the right person beside her, she knew she would be alright.

          They had always been a team, she and Nikolai, and they would continue to be like that for as long as they lived.

          So without another hint of doubt, Zoya intertwined her fingers with his, squeezing his hand gently. “Alright, dearest privateer,” she said. “Let’s keep this country standing upright until then.”

          And they would. Together.

[lostinwoods]

A different take on SessKag relationship or why it would be more realistic than InuKag.

Let me begin with

Sesshomaru's and Kagome's past and how they are similar.

Sesshomaru had always been a very sentimental and emotionally receptive being. He had loved and cherished his dad the most. Loving and competing with him, wanting to surpass him, desiring recognition and acceptance so much so that his entire world revolved around his father. He did not want the swords because they were powerful or the bs about supreme conquest. What is that shit? Sesshomaru never needed that. The swords, especially Tessaiga was the most important acceptance to Sess. I will get back to this later.

Now Kagome. This kid was born and then we never saw her dad even when she was a kid. Another classic case of growing without a dad? Perhaps. But I feel her grandpa filled her missing dad's place. That is why the kid grew up in a lovely household, filled with love and peace and made Kagome what she was later on, a selfless girl who wants to love and protect her friends. Because that is what she learnt. Her grandpa, mom, everyone and her own family dynamics taught her how important it was to cherish the ones she loved.

What they initially thought of Inuyasha in their life

Now back to Sess. When his dad died, he dies saving Izayoi. What is the thing he feels at the time I wondered. Surely devastated? Yes, but even worse. His most important person, his goal, the thing his life revolved around was gone. And for what? To protect a weak, useless bitch like Izayoi? Here is a thing, he never knew Izayoi but knew the hut had collapsed on his dad when Izayoi had escaped. What can a teen feel when they hear such a thing? 'That useless bitch, ran away when my dad was in danger and cost him his life. Fuck that bitch and that kid they made. Useless, all humans are useless and weak.' This was really where his hatred came from. Probably.

Kagome on the other hand from the beginning was shown as a selfless kid, who loved both humans and demons alike. Reason? She had never lived in the feudal era. She was a kid grown in a society where everyone is placed on a equal pedestal. How would she, a modern kid understand the bad blood between demons and humans? If she were ever born in Feudal Japan, would things have changed? Maybe. Then she falls into a world where nothing was similar to where she was from. She was frightened, unsure and confused. And then Inuyasha came into her life. Honestly their first meeting was not romantic and pretty terrific in a sense. That was a weird day for Kagome. She fell into an alien world only heard in fairy tales, got involved in a weird prophecy, learnt she was a mythical sort of being herself and then got attacked by a guy who had saved her only seconds before, all ready to rip her heart out. In such a case, the 'osuwari' was probably a safe word for her. Why she uses it later in the series? Probably because she never trusted Inuyasha and felt more comfortable using a word which gave her power over him. Honestly, what would you expect? Kisses and love showers?

Analysis: Kagome was still scared of Inuyasha for a long time and did not trust him completely.

Before Inu no Taisho's tomb battle

Kagome before this went home and then cane back because she felt that fixing the Shikon was her duty. More honestly, she just returned coz Yura attacked and she wanted her family to be safe. Here I want to take some time to gush over how cool Kagome is. Intelligent, smart and extremely powerful. How she understood that Yura's skull was her weakness and breaks the god forsaken thing with just an arrow. That is some level of OPness. Who says Kags is useless?

Anyways, after that when Inuyasha called her 'Kagome', a lot of the viewers thought that Kagome was ecstatic because it was romantic and she was in love. But that is bs. It is not possible to love someone a week later they tried to gut your heart out. It is masochistic and unreal. Kagome over here felt a sense of acceptance from a guy who she felt previously hated her enough to kill her. And that to Kagome was a sign of friendship and more like, 'don't worry, I am not at least gonna attempt to kill you anymore.'

Kagome, inheritently a person who gives a hand when given a finger. She accepts Inu as her friend and they were far from being lovers.

It is exactly this time that Sess attacks them. And quite cruely might I say. Bringing Inu's dead mom like that was not funny and Sess was an outright jerk for doing that no matter how much he hated Inu and Izayoi. He is all weird and sarcatic at high levels. And Kags hated him. She hated how he was attacking this one friend she had made in the era. She hated how cruel this bastard was and how much pain her friend was going through. And her own lovely bond with her brother did not help her to look into their complex brotherly bond which seemed to her more like some battle royale. She probaably hated the bitch for showing up and hurting her friend like that even when he, being the older brother should have loved his younger brother and nurtured him like she would do for Souta.

For Sess, it was really weird and shitty all over. A basic human bitch, standing behind Inu like she was weak fawn. Reminded him so much of Izayoi. Someone who never even tried saving his dad. That was why his sarcastic words were like, "Inuyasha, it suits you so much to have a human behind you". Ya and he was irritated by looking at how helpless af the bitch was. He was narcisstic, filipant of Kags presence and all around indifferent to a 'weak human filthy woman', who he felt was just like the one for whom his dad died.

Surprise is how he did not outright murder her. Perhaps he felt like they were worthless and beneath his boots.

Lol, these two are the best.

Inside Inu No Taisho's tomb

Kags was really angry with this bitch who just chained her up, clawed a pearl out of her friend's eye and then jumped into a black hole. That is why she followed with, "This sort of a person, with no blood or humanity in his veins, I cannot forgive him" and then she chased. Even Inu was like, WTF bro. It was fun. Then she spouted lines like, " Take the sword Inuyasha, it will be like a hit to his pride, what a shame!"

How tf did she know about how much his pride hurt him. Lol felt like Kags knew Sess more than Inu ever would and they only met. That was some soulmate level shit right there. Lol!

Then there was Sess who was outright dismissing Kags and she was not even a spec of dust in his eyes. Then she went and pulled that sword out. Remember the scene where he was so surprised that he stopped the battle with Inu and turned around and LOOKED. Like really LOOKED. It was such a heart stopping moment and for good measures as well. He saw a girl, a woman standing there, holding an inheritance which was supposed to be his and she did something he could not. Did Tessaiga accept her then, did his father accept her more than him? He was baffled, confused and low-key awed. That was why he said, "What are you?" And legit measured her top to bottom. That was some turning point for Sess. Something that proved to him that all humans cannot be dismissed. But he was in rage. How can a mere human be worthy of Tessaiga and melted her along with that sword. I wonder if it was his second test to see whether Tessaiga would protect her or not. And then it did!

Sess went ape-shit crazy after that. A sword he desired for so long (The sword used to protect Izayoi was a thorn in his heart. Made him feel like his father had chosen a human over him. But if the sword had accepted him, it would have proved that his dad had still loved him, thought of him). That was the significance of Tessaiga to him. Power sure, but more of an acceptance. His dad's acceptance. And then what happened? The sword preferred a human who then gave it to his damned hated brother.

Aftermath of tomb battle

Kagome never really liked Sess's guts and probably had no form of sympathy towards someone like him. On the other hand things picked up with her and Inu's relation. She came to know some facts about Kik. And her inferiority complex began with her incarnate. But having a part of Kik's soul in her, began her obsession with Inu. She strived to understand him, make a better person of himself. But their relation was still not there to lovers.

Then Sess came across Naraku. He probably just wanted to dick around more with Inu and accepted the human hand.

2nd battle for Tessaiga

Sess's desire to possess the Tessaiga had increased at this point. His rage of having his arm cut off by that sword felt like the worst rejection from his dad. He was going insane and might have wanted to kill Inu for real in this fight. He was in no mood for theatrics in this one, unlike the tomb where he actually watched some InuKag drama and even applauded (lol). He was absolute business this time. He snached the sword and showed Inu exactly why he should not get that sword, 'You cannot even make the wind rift, why should you be more worthy?'

He meant to kill Inu and then Kags arrow sailed in, charging with enough power to even cancel the demonic energy filled into the sword by Sess himself.

His thoughts were for the same reason, " She canceled Tessaiga's transformation? Who is this girl?"

His respect scale jumped for her here. He truly had never met anyone who could rival his power to such extent. He had never met a girl who stood so powerfully in face of danger to protect this some half-breed scum. She was like the embodiment of everything he had hoped Izayoi to be to his dad. A strong woman who would wager her life to save the one she holds dear. Sess had learnt this fact from his dad's death. To sacrifice in name of love and then in this fight he understood how much that meant both for Inuyasha and Kagome. He probably somewhat understood what this feeling was after seeing these two.

Sess had an idea of love and protection and Kags became its centre. She was this vague expectation Sess had of human love and an absolute loyalty towards whom you love most. He felt complicated towards her. He respected her.

3rd Tessaiga battle

Sess's most sceptical battle yet. Why break the tessaiga? 'I will break it if I can't have it!' Desperate much?. Then the wind drift appears and for the first time Sess acknowledges Inu. For maybe being a somewhat worthy of having Taisho's blood, only if a little bit. He is saved by Tenseiga. Oh, how he hated this worthless sword more. This sword could not cut throught things and saves his life. What a worthless shit.

Kagome's narrative here was important. "How can he weild the Tenseiga? He needs a compassionate heart for that." Always wondered why Kags was the one to say this. But realised the reason later on.

Rin

Obviously the most controversial topic of Inuverse. What Sess felt for Rin, why was she there.

Rin has often been compared to be the Kagome version of Sess. And that is the only truth. She came in like a ray of sunshine when he was in most need. He was in self doubt, hate towards Inu and complex emotions towards Kags. And then Rin was there with the exact same face and the same warm feeling like Kags. Even he knew what InuKag were to each other then and no matter how much he respected Kags, he was not really interested in a further relation with Kags. But his deeply unsated desire to understand his dad's mentality and reason behind saving a human was what made him think of Rin. As she was his chance to understand that. His chance to understand why his dad could do that, why Inu could do that and why humans like Kags and Rin could save and love demons. It was not romantic in any sense. He had a confusion and Rin was his way towards a solution. Though it was a different fact that he loved her later on and cherished and protected her. Enough to feel that there was no meaning to his anything if she was not there.

So yes in a way, she is Kags embodiment in Sess's life, a picture of Kags selfless love. His desire to truly understand such beings called selfless humans and the result of his single minded belief of human women being trash and unable to love shattering.

And for fun just to contradict Kags speculations, for first time ever, Sess uses the sword and we viewers realise how wrong Kags was. Sess had every bit of compassion in his heart.

Later events

The events went on with Kags finally understanding her position in Inu's life and her single-minded chase to be accepted by Inu as just Kagome and not Kikyo's reflection. I do not even know if this could be called love or just a misinterpreted need of attention from someone you hold dear. But whatever, we realise Kags is in love with Inu now and still cannot stop from feeling compassion towards Kikyo. Honestly she and Sess are truly two opposite sides of a spectrum.

Sess on the other hand gets Tokijin and attacks Inuyasha. This time around, I highly doubt he was still chasing Tessaiga. It had more evolved into his need to show he is more powerful than Inu. 'What you do best, I can do better.'

Stopping Inu from transforming

In this the most debatable question was whether he was there to stop Inu or not.

Sess had wanted to see and experiment the limits of Inu's blood beast.

After some fighting, Kags jumped in. Sess stared at her, like forever. That staring tho. Even when she was like, "Stay away, you idiot." Sess stared. For Sess, that was what he admired the most in Kags. Her selfless devotion. He was staring at that fearless figure who once again surprised him by being a sacrifice to save her loved ones. She was to Sess what he had always thought of 'love' to be. She was the embodiment of the term 'love' to Sess. For a guy who knew nothing of how to define emotions, it was Kags who showed him what love was. And thus he jumped over and over again in front of Rin to protect her. She taught him how to cherish even the even the most weak individual in a group, and thus he protected Jaken.

Rin was there to show him the same thing everyday. But no matter how much Rin showed him her own loyality, love and warmth, Kags always remained that shining beam to him. I will say later on how I understood this.

Kag's love was the validity of his dad's sacrifice. A way for him to make sense of his dad's mindless death over protecting some weak human.

And in this scene for the first time ever, Kags saw Sess as more than an insufferable pest to her friends. She saw his noble ideals and realised why he was there and thus she thought, "Was he here to save Inuyasha?"

It is very curious as to why Kags was again given these lines. It was probably because her opinion mattered, to Sess it did. And we will see more why in the future.

Random encounters

There was one time when Kags saw Rin while Jaken was trying to steal Tessaiga and she had asked herself, "Why is a little human girl traveling with Sess?' It was again a small thing which she did not need to feel but was very imp. for her development towards Sess. How she started to understand him more.

Kohaku incident

Here we saw how was the first time Sess listened to Kags.

Kags opinion mattered. Inu's mattered and when he realised that Kohaku was being used he let him go. There was one reason that he did not want to be used, the next I am sure was for Kags and Inu. He knew then that Kohaku was imp. to them and he stopped. Big character jump for him.

Then the most curious fact was how Kags knew what the girl meant to him, "Please let him go Sesshomaru, the girl is fine."

Kagome: Thanks Sesshomaru!

Sesshomaru: I just never wanted to be used by Naraku and fall into his trap.

Lol...

Then after Rin left, Kags thoughts about how she had left with Sess and was awed . An important point for her change in feelings towards Sess. She understood the guy was changing and Rin was changing him.

The fun fact was how she was instantly in love with this little girl and that would become important later on.

More random events..

After that it was shown that many times Kags was the only one who could stop a fight bet. the brothers. Example that time when he fought with Inu to get some direction for Naraku. And then Kags came and told him to go north or something and he was like, "That is all I wanted to know." And left.

What is to be seen in these parts is how RT made only him and her interact like this. He listening to her like they have been friends forever.

The saving of Kanta's father was also an example of how much she affected him.

Her plea to save Kanta's dad even when no one believed and no one bothered to ask him. Tensaiga moved because he felt deeply moved by her plea. He might have never wanted to voice it but since Tensaiga only worked when the weilder felt compassion and a need to save someone. Sess must have felt it subconsciously and Tensaiga had stired. Or it had stired because it is a SessKag shipper as well. Lol!

Mukotsu

I wonder how Sess knew Kags was in trouble. Another fun fact like how he appears at times when Inu is not there to save Kags. Sess is there. Probably he knew her scent too well and hence could even distinguish between that and the poison. After that was the gruesome death of Mukotsu. The thing to notice over her was how large Sess looked in that hut doorway, it was a symbolism to how big and huge his protective self looks when he is protecting Kagome. A very romantic thing indeed. The first time he protects someone who is not under his protection. A complete selfless act if considered from his pov. Sess being a very private person and while saving Kagome showed her place in his heart. Yeah and that was very visible from how he killed Mukotsu.

The takeaway from this episode is not this though. It was the fact that Kags defended Sess. For the first time ever, all the good deeds she had seen him doing had outplayed her hatred for him. She accepeted him as a friend with these words, "No Inuyasha, he was here to protect us, he saved us." It was a completely unnecessary detail in the whole scheme of this episode but very important for Sess. Her acceptance matters, her opinion matters and Sess is a Tsundere.

Sesshomaru: I did not save YOU, I just killed him coz he did not answer me properly.

This proved how much she affects him, rattles him and how much her life means to him. And an unspoken promise to himself to protect her when Inu was not around.

Fight with Shishinki

No one ever mentions this fight. But there is a very important SK interaction in here. Something which was important for Sess. Kagome's understanding.

When Sess was lost in the same darkness of never being accepted by his dad, Shishinki made things worse by saying Tenseiga was a cast out of Tessaiga and it was given as a leftover to Taisho's least fav. son. Sesshomaru was hurt, lost, and his daddy issues, his biggest weakness was sharply opened by a knife, cruely and Kagome's words saved him.

Kagome: But there might have been a reason their dad had done this.

Kags belief that Taisho had infact not rejected Sess was like a balm to his soul, the only thing he had needed to hear throughout his life. The thing which made him accept in the end that Tensaiga was there to protect Inuyasha, the thing that was needed to sort of activate Tessaiga and then he finally formed his biggest and truest meido. It was romantic, touching and outright heavenly. Then it was made cute with Inu's awkward concern. It was the best ep. as of yet.

Kagome's deep concern and her understanding of Sess's pain was brilliant and alien level insane. She should not have, but she did and that's why they felt more like soulmates.

Battle with Magatsuhi

Sess had gone batshit crazy when Magatsuhi had hurt Kagome and that had only been worsened by him questioning Sess's honor and pride. Sess had turned full on doggy mode and lost control in that way for the first time since the tomb. And the strike at Magatsuhi's eyes was another symbolism of his revenge for doing shit to Kags eyes and mindfucking her.

RT has always thrown these small hints in between IK drama. Which are brilliant and lovely. Even that one scene where he stands protectively inbetween Kags prostrate body on Kilala and Magatsuhi. Beautiful symbolism, really.

It was also fun to see how Kags half power was sealed by Magatsuhi and Sess's half power was returned via Bakusaiga. I felt that Sess's true acceptance of his protection to Kagome and his detachment from Tessaiga was what made him the true daiyokai and surpass his father. Since somehow Tessaiga has always been linked to protecting Kagome and somehow protecting her might have also been the thing to finding Bakusaiga. The desire to protect her perhaps.

Soul mate mind link theatrics

This is something only some people realise. Sesshomaru and Kagome have been shown not once, but twice to be doing this. Once while fighting for Kohaku's life and the last shard and the other in Naraku's body. Kagome and Sesshomaru had been shown to think in absolute synchronisation. He thinks half the sentence, she completes the rest. Absolute soul mate shit.

SessKag power combo

Shown a lot of time in Inuverse. Sess attacks and Kags completes. A small thing but their timing is insane. And is defintely the best power combo, far better than an InuKag combo.

Fight in Naraku's body

This was the time when Sess finally shows what Kagome means to him. Where she stands and how much he cares for her. She is his FIRST priority. Proof? When Rin and she are in simultaneous danger, he stands there infront of Kags for God knows how long, removing those snake things like he had all the time in the world and once she is awake he is concerned about her well being.

Sess: Those wounds, are those Inuyasha's doing?

And his disappointment in Inuyasha not being able to protect Kags.

Sess: As expected of a half-demon. He lost himself in the bloodlust.

Kags obviously considered Sess to be a friend at this point. A very close friend at that. Family perhaps? Their familiarity here was not missed by anyone. Her defending Inu and then still prioritising Rin over Inu were only somethings we realised this chapter.

The most important was her belief in him.

Manga exclusive,

Kags: I believe that you would be able to do it. Do not fall into Naraku's trap and play his cards that is what he wants. Only you can do this, I know.

Wow, Kags wow...just wow... It is the best actually. She does not believe Inu in this situation but she does Sess. She believes in his protection and she knows her influence on him. This speaks volumes. This shows her unreal connection to him and how they match each other instinctively.

Sess knows her influence. This is his weakness.

The mokomoko scene was truly Sesshomaru's best confession. For him who cannot say much in words, allowed her to fly on mokomoko. Something which everyone of us know has a heavy weightage for Sesshomaru. It is his weapon, his forever companion and his support when he is injured and tired. Offering such a thing to her for whatever reason was truly his way of showing what he exactly feels for her. He cherishes her the most and I could say even more than Rin. Trusts her the most and would jump in front of danger to protect her.

Which is only seen more when he asks her to stay away from the fight because she would be a 'hinderance'. Which means he could not fight if she is in the middle. He would be vulnerable and weak. Intersting, very interesting. Another time where he stood between her and a dangerous blood beast that Inu had become.

The best part was truly him getting concerned when she fell down from the top while removing Tessaiga and then when Magatsuhi tried to possess her.

His anger was so vibrant. "Get away from her!"

What a brilliant thing to say. The possessiveness. The will to protect her. The absolute anger. Brilliant. So much was spoken in those lines.

The best ending though was the SessKag power combo of Bakusaiga and holy arrow. Best ending. Inu was not even much involved in ending Naraku. It was weird how the titular character failed in finishing the main villain with his meido. Shows a lot what SessKag meant to RT.

Big brother

Yes, the iconic scene where fans of all ships shout out that SK is not a romantic ship.

Well over here I want to say that Kagome truly saw Sess as a big brother figure at this point. Part of it was because she still felt that she was in love with Inu and part because she was not receptive to her reactions to Sess and what he truly meant to her at this point. She feels an intimate connection to him but cannot justify the weirdness because she still feels a closeness to Inu so she thinks of him as big brother. Which was a very intimate thing for Kagome to say. She loves him like family and clearly places him higher than the rest of her friends only second to Inu. That was more of a declaring her closeness to Sess rather than a confirmation of her and Inu's relationship. Kags is not a vain character who does things coz they are convinient. She would not call a friend if they are not a friend. And certainly not a big brother if she does not feel so.

Sess actually was relieved, ecsatatic and happy when Jaken informed hin of Kags arrival as was seen in his expression. Very funny actually. Because next second he was called big brother and he was hilariously ticked off. He could not believe what he was being called. Lol that interaction though. It showed how close they ended up being. Even more close than he was to his own brother.

But he accepted the title even if with much pain in his neck and then was really offended when Jaken badmouthed Kagome.

Conclusion: No one badmouths Kagome.

Haaha....end of this long analysis. I tried to analyse it from the character's pov and found some interesting small tidbits and detail that RT had hidden in this story.

Thus I felt that SK would be a more natural ship maybe not outright. Since Sess loves her truly but does not understand the nature of the relation and Kags is still too much blinded by Inu filter a.t.m. Maybe given years when Kags will realise exactly what sort of love she feels for Inu. Which will happen because such a toxic relation like IK should not exist and then she will probably see Sess's love for her.

My Conclusion: SK is a defintive. It will happen with some time and care. When both would mature. But it will happen for sure. All the ingredients are there, the stage has been set just the players have to realise what they feel for each other.

[jenomark]

Part 5: YangYang, The Rich, Little Asshole

➔Pairing:  YangYang x Reader (Female) | Hendery x Reader (Female) ➔Other Members/ Characters: Kun ➔Genre: Smut (+ angst, + fluff, + plot) ➔Warnings: vaginal penetration, fingering, angst ➔Word count: 5,436

➔Summary: You don’t know what you do. You don’t even know who you are. Some would call you a whore. Some would refer to you as a sex worker. All of your clients would say you’re damn good at your job.

MASTERLIST

  Kun leaned against his car and folded his arms against his chest. The wind was picking up, so you pulled the sleeves of your sweatshirt over your hands and hunched over. No matter what, you wouldn’t wait in his car, like he asked. All Kun wanted was to grill you about who was on the other end of the phone call. 

“You can go home.” you said. “ I don’t need you to wait with me.”

“I can’t leave you here alone,” he said. “But, it’s cold, so we should wait inside your place.”

“No.” you said, knowing that if you waited inside, Kun would try and worm his way back into your good graces, and you would let him.

Kun sighed. “I don’t...know how to fix this.”

  You turned away from him. Any direction that wasn’t Kun’s direction was good enough. You could still feel the clutches of alcohol around your mind, squeezing until it was pulp. You started moving your feet around to keep warm from the chilly night air, but there was an iciness to you that wouldn’t melt. For the most part, ignoring Kun felt good. You liked seeing him waiting on you, maybe a little jealousy creasing the lines on his face. 

 To pass the time, you took out your phone and looked at your messages and emails. A little voice in your brain told you to delete them all. No one would know or care. You could start over tomorrow and regain control of yourself. You could come clean to Lucas, break things off with Kun, give Hendery the apology you know he deserved, and tell men like Ten and Xiaojun that they deserved far better than the likes of you.

 You looked at the plethora of messages from another possible future client you were ignoring. He had been pushing to meet you for weeks. Every message title was the same kind of vibrant greeting, followed by the usual “I don’t usually do this…” You closed your phone and wished you were also the type of person that didn’t do this. What you did, you also didn’t know how to fix.

 You looked at Kun. He wasn’t looking at you. His eyes were on the windows to your place, his face pondering questions you knew you would never answer. 

“I’m moving,” you said. “I’m moving in with Lucas. In a few weeks, you won’t know me anymore.”

Without fully registering what you had said, Kun touched his hand to his heart. “I think I’ll always know you.”

You thought about taking off your shoe and throwing it at him, but violence was never the answer. “You never intended for us to be together, did you?”

Kun shifted from one foot, to the other. “It’s complicated.” 

You shook your head. “I really thought you would, you know? Leave her. Not leave your kids. I knew you weren’t that type of man, and I’d never want you to be. But, Kun, imagining a life with you was too easy. It was too fun, too distracting, too much of a fairy tale.” 

“My feelings were real.” he said. “I’ve meant everything I’ve said up until this point.”

“Were real?”

“Are real.” he corrected himself. “But you won’t let me in. If I knew you were like this, I would have broken it off a long time ago.”

Again, you shook your head. “You have no idea what you want.”

Kun opened his mouth to speak. You didn’t hear what he said, just watched the way his lips told lie after lie.

  Of course he believes he knows what he wants, you thought. He has the right job, the big house, the pretty wife. He’s a father, a friend, and a good son. He’s handsome and good at sex. He knows all the right things to say.

  You stayed silent until a car pulled up. The car was black, not unlike the one that Ten sent your way, and all the ones before and after it. The only difference was the boy hanging out of the window, his arms raised above his head, and his hair flying in the wind.

“Good evening.” he said, his slight German accent making your body perk up. “Your ride is here.”

  YangYang. 20. Self-professed rich, little asshole. Daddy’s money, but not enough of daddy’s love, YangYang liked to dip his fingers into many honey pots. In the beginning, you weren’t sure you could keep up with him sexually, but as it turned out, you could. You and YangYang were purely sex and company, nothing more and nothing less. It was the most straightforward sexual partnership you had.

  Kun looked at the sleek, black car and scowled. He was so sheltered away from your real life, that it was his first taste of the person you were with other men. Judging by his face, he was angry with you, but more angry at himself for being angry in the first place. The wheel of lies would never end, for him or for you.

“Isn’t he a child?” Kun asked, loudly enough for YangYang to hear him over the car's engine.

“Me?” YangYang said, looking mock-offended. “A child? Mind your manners, old man.”

  The car came to a smooth stop and YangYang got out. He was wearing pajamas and a robe. He knew how ridiculous he looked, but he didn’t care. He was what he was. You looked down at the slippers on his feet and smiled. The smile stopped as soon as Kun spoke again, and YangYang noticed your reaction.

“Old man?” Kun asked. “I’m not o-”

“-Is everything okay?” YangYang asked you, not sparing a second look at Kun.

 You nodded. The best thing about YangYang was that he never asked too many questions. If you said you were alright, you were alright. He motioned to the car door hanging open and said, “Your carriage awaits.”

  As soon as you made a start to leave, Kun came from around his car. He sunk down to his knees on the asphalt in front of you. You looked down at him, everything in you wanting so badly to take him into your arms, to forgive him for the night, take him up to your apartment and fall asleep against his body.  It was until you looked at how uninterested YangYang was in Kun that you were faced  with reality.

“Don’t walk out of my life like this,” Kun said. “I’m here begging you, on my knees, on this street in front of everyone. Give me another chance. We can make it more than just sex, I promise.”

“You have a baby on the way.” you said.

YangYang’s eyes widened. “That’s fucked up, bro.”

“Goodbye, Kun.” you said.

  You got in the car and stared straight ahead, not daring to catch Kun’s eyes . YangYang slid in next to you. He didn’t put his hand on your knee. He didn’t kiss you. He didn’t ask you what was going on in your life, or if you were okay. It was something you really liked about YangYang: how little he cared about what went on in other people’s lives. He was the right person to call.

  The only thing YangYang asked about Kun was if he was also a rich asshole and you replied, that no, Kun was just an asshole.

“To my place?” YangYang asked.

“Yes, to your place.”

     YangYang lived by himself in a penthouse apartment with two floors and a view that normally would take your breath away had your heart not been shattered into splintered pieces. A fun, colorful slide ran from the upstairs to the downstairs. There was graffiti art on the walls, splotches of neon colors on formally stark, white walls as a result of YangYang’s boredom. His style of decor was haphazard and typical of a twenty year old boy, in that none of it made any sense. He kept his fridges stocked with energy drinks, and his pantry stocked with more snacks than you had in all of your places combined. It was a much different vibe from all of the other rich men you entertained. Stepping inside of his penthouse made you feel like a child again. There was magic in every corner, but sadly, you felt none of it.

“You know I don’t pry,” YangYang began. “But you look really sad, like a sad dog.”

“Sorry.”

“Can I help with anything?”

You inhaled. You held your breath. When you exhaled, YangYang had moved on from the conversation. You set your phone on his coffee table next to a set of legos. YangYang walked upstairs to where his bedroom was. Through the glass partition, you could still see him. He removed his robe and ruffled his own hair. You turned to look down as a long-haired cat brushed against your leg.

“Hey little man,” you said. “Have you missed me?”

  You and YangYang didn’t meet up that frequently. He was always horny, but he had a large amount of people he went to, so that every need was met. You didn’t know what other things he was into, but his times with you were relatively vanilla.

 The cat meowed at the same time you heard YangYang barreling down his slide. You met him at the end, a playful smile on your lips.

“I really appreciate you coming to get me,” you began. “I know we weren’t scheduled this month.”

“No problem,” he said. “I could use the company. Things can get a little lonely way up in the sky.”

  You never asked why YangYang didn’t have a steady girlfriend. He was cute in a really sweet, younger brother way. You never saw him as a brother figure because that would be pretty gross, but there was something about YangYang that made you very fond and protective of him. 

“Anyway, “ he said. “I can tell you want to get some sleep. I’ll leave you be. You know where my guest room is”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Early. Tons of breakfast. Me and you. Doesn’t that sound perfect?”

“Yeah, it does.” you said, meaning it. 

  Even though you knew his place like the back of your hand, YangYang walked you to the guest bedroom. You and him had fucked in there only once before, but it was always offered to you as a place to get away for awhile. The only reason you never had sex in there much was because the room itself was so plain and formal. You figured the lack of life made YangYang uncomfortable to be in for long periods of time. Beyond the double doors and the slide, and all of these grandiose things he grew up  around, he wasn’t a little, rich asshole. He wasn’t a playboy. He was just Liu YangYang, a lonely boy living in a lonely life.

  You didn’t want to shed any more tears for Kun, or spare another thought about him. Before you went to sleep, you cried by yourself as a way to let go. You tucked your knees to your chest and you let all of the feelings pour out of you, your tears soaking into freshly cleaned sheets. You tossed and turned until the early morning, your night demons coming to haunt you. When you woke, you didn’t feel rejuvenated like you wanted, and Kun was still infiltrating the spaces in your mind you kept for yourself.

 You sat up with a start, too disoriented to understand where you were, at first. Your head was pounding. It might have been normal to sulk in bed for a little while, but you got up and went to the on-suite bathroom to wash up. You pulled your sweatshirt and shirt off until you were in your bra, splashed water on your face, and gave yourself a good look.

“I think you look pretty.”

  You jumped. YangYang was standing in the doorway. He had a fresh pile of clothes in his hands, as if he knew what you were up and doing. 

“I didn’t mean to be a creep.” he said. “There are cameras everywhere, and I thought I might come and see if you needed these.”

  You took the clothes from him and looked at yourself in the mirror after he walked out. He was flattering you. Your make-up and hair were a mess. Your eyes were puffy. You looked like you had been ridden hard and put away wet. 

“I hate this.” you said

  You looked at the clothes YangYang brought: a pair of jeans that looked like they might fit you, one of his t-shirts and a hoodie. Quickly, you put the clothes on, put up your hair using an elastic, and wiped away left behind mascara that was clinging to your lower lashes. You brushed your teeth with your fingers and some toothpaste, and went downstairs. You didn’t use the slide.

   Downstairs, YangYang was leaning against his kitchen counter in a pink apron. The dining room table was full of food that he didn’t cook, pastries of every color and shape, a plate of rolled eggs stacked high, and many more things to satisfy his sweet tooth. You knew he didn’t make any of the food, but seeing him act like he was the chef tickled you.

“A feast fit for a queen.” he said. 

  You sat at the table. You weren’t feeling hungry, and you certainly didn’t feel like a queen. You looked at the food. It was such a wasteful array of things you and him would barely touch, and it made you sad. Your mind was starting to wander as you looked over everything, your eyes beginning to glaze over and replay memories behind them. 

“Ah, that’s never good,” he said. “I know that look. Can I try getting your mind off of him? I could go back and fight him. He looked weak.”

You looked his way. “I wish it were that easy.”

  YangYang was the type of boy who would wear absolutely nothing underneath his apron. He would lead you into the kitchen, put you on top of his counter and take your hand to brush it against the imprint of his cock. Marathon sex would ensue, and some time later, when your limbs were tangled in his, you would let him take you again. But the person before you tore off his apron and was perfectly dressed underneath. He looked tired, like he was dealing with his own personal issues. YangYang came and sat beside you, all the sympathy in the world, and none of the pity in his eyes. 

“We can do whatever you want.” YangYang said. “I could take you for a day out on the town. We could go to an arcade and play claw machines until I’m out of pocket change. I’ll win you a stuffed bear and link my arm with yours, grease from french fries on our fingertips. We could stuff our faces here and pass out on my couch, you with the fuzzy blanket you like, and me with the remote control on my belly. We could pretend to be strangers that just met on the train. I’d sit next to you and tell you about my life. We could be anybody but us for today.”

“Honestly, all of that sounds good.” you said. “Being anyone else but me. ”

YangYang smiled, leaned in and whispered, “ You and me both, but, I quite like you how you are.”

“You might be the only one.”

“I doubt it.”

  YangYang covered his hand over yours. You felt grateful for all the people in your life who tried to make things easier for you. Those people were never forgotten by you. Amongst all of the bad choices you made on your part, there was always someone who was ready to see the best in you. You could see it in YangYang’s eyes, the way he didn’t see some poor girl in love with a married man. He didn’t see the person who had sex for money, or the one cheating and keeping secrets from her boyfriend. He saw you as what you were, and the beauty of what you could be.

“Do I have to choose right now?” you asked.

YangYang pursed his lips. “No. We could just sit here until our asses go numb.”

You laughed. “Okay.”

“We could talk.” YangYang offered. “I know you and I aren’t talkative, but the option is there. I kind of need a friend right now.”

  Making friends in the industry was one of the reasons why you still kept the job, even though you were mostly unhappy. In your loneliness, and in your ugliness, there were still people who wanted to be around you. They wanted your company. They needed your company. They smiled when you came around, and it was genuine, and infectious. On a deeper level, you suspected you were masking all of your real issues by seeing men, by being their fantasy, but you weren’t willing to dive into it too much. 

 So, as a friend to YangYang, you listened to what he had to say. You placed your head on your hands and watched him speak, his youth disappearing with every word. Not once were you lost in your own problems. Not once did you think of Kun, or Lucas, or Hendery. 

“I don’t mean to unload all of my stuff on you,” YangYang said, leaning back in his chair. You noted how much younger he looked when he was done speaking, how much weight was lifted from his shoulders. “It feels good getting it out. That much is true.”

“Good.” you said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give more advice.”

YangYang scrunched his nose. “I don’t think I need it. Just needed someone to listen to me rant.”

  You lifted your head from your hands and looked out at the view from his penthouse windows. You wanted to tell YangYang that you needed him, too, but you didn’t. You felt scared, like your own vulnerability would show itself once YangYang showed his. You shifted in your chair and didn’t look at him again until he called your name.

“You’re too good for him.” he said. “You’re too good for all of them.”

“Mmm, if only that were the truth.”

  You felt the itch as soon as he started speaking. You would rather scratch it with sex to shut YangYang up, to keep him from going further. That’s how your life always worked. You used your body to forget, to shut up the world for one second. You fucked to forgive yourself. It took all you had not to reach out and start something with YangYang that you weren’t feeling, just because you could.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” YangYang asked.

 Expecting the worst, you fought hard to keep the surprise from your face. YangYang saw and laughed, his smile beaming. You found yourself smiling, too, wondering if his line of questioning was normal, because you were already grown up. You thought about the slide and the way he lived his life, and wondered if he still thought he hadn’t. 

“Entertain me.” YangYang said. “An honest answer. Don’t even think about it. If you could be anything right now, right here, what would it be? Money doesn’t matter. Time doesn’t matter. It’s just you and doing something you love.”

“I don’t know.” you said.

“That’s not an answer.”

“But I genuinely don’t know.” you said.

  It was true. Your mind drew a blank. For as long as you could remember, passions were really hard to come by. You weren’t interested in much when you were young. You didn’t have hobbies. You didn’t yearn to go places, or to learn new things. Suddenly, you felt the void in front of you, and it felt cold and empty.

“What about you?” you asked. “What do you want to be?”

  YangYang got up from his chair and walked over to the windows. He gestured out at everything, at the city that curled up at his feet like his cat. You got up and joined him, your eyes penetrating the streets below. He stood behind you and touched your arms. You could feel his breath on your neck. He was hesitant in moving your hair, but he brushed it aside and laid the sweetest kiss on your skin. It was a tender moment that almost made you cry.

“I just want to be kind, I think.” he said softly in your ear. “I want to make a difference. I want to be happy and fulfilled. I think that’s all. I think that’s all there is.”

  YangYang kissed your neck again. You leaned back into his body and watched a bird fly by, soaring through the sky, completely unafraid.  You focused on your own breathing, on the silence that felt too thick with the past.

“Do you ever just want to quit the life you have and run away?” you asked.

“All the time.”

“Would you ever do it?”

“Maybe,” YangYang said. “I’m not sure if anyone would miss me.”

You turned around to face him. “ I would miss you.”

“Maybe that’s the problem.” he said. “Someone would miss me, so I would never do it. Keep myself here forever, perhaps until I’m too old. If you want to run away, I’m not sure it’s always a bad thing. Sometimes you just have to go and see what is out there for yourself. Sometimes you can’t worry about whether someone will miss you or not.”

“You are full of the philosophical today, YangYang.” you said.

“I always am.” he said. “We just never stop fucking long enough to listen.”

You smiled. “I mean, we could still fuck, if you want.”

  He thought about it. Watching him think about it meant the world to you. But there was something about the way it felt with you both standing there that was anything but sexy. The time for fucking had passed, and you could feel the future hurtling towards you. 

YangYang shrugged. “Sometimes you need a good fuck, and sometimes you just need a good hug. Both are good.”

  With that, he held out his arms. You took a step forward and let YangYang hug you. You felt stiff until he started rubbing your back to comfort you. Gradually, you could feel your body and soul softening. You wrapped your arms around him for a long time, thankful that Liu YangYang was anything but a rich, little asshole.

“Where have you been?”

  When you came home, Lucas had come out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, and his eyes narrowing with suspicion. Your brain created a scenario where you laid it all out in front of him, every lie you’d ever told, and every secret you’d ever kept. Catching him while he was vulnerable and naked could be the easy way out you were looking for. You almost did it, but the way he looked at you began to make you feel angry. It was like you were insignificant, and he was tired and bored of even looking in your direction.

“I was out with a friend.”

“All night?” he asked. “Must have been a good friend.”

  You didn’t say anything, because anything at that moment could have been the truth. Instead, you walked further inside and went over to hug him. You were still riding the high of being around someone as free as YangYang. A part of you wanted to keep the sentiments going, to feel comfort in the life you were living. But Lucas moved away from you, denying your affections. 

“Why were you in my clothes?” he asked. “What were you looking for?”

  You had two seconds to come up with a lie that would sound convincing. When you didn’t, Lucas left the room. You were still standing in the same place when he came back fully dressed. You tried to brace yourself for the end of an era, for the argument that would burn you out for good. You were not prepared for the cold shoulder, or for Lucas taking his keys and walking out of the door.

You: I know you never wanted to hear from me again, but Erase Message You: I’m sorry I hurt everyone. I never meant to hurt you. Erase Message You: Can you come to our place? Send Message

  You sat on the edge of the hotel bed. You swore you could feel your soul being sucked out from your lungs and out through the grate in the wall where the heat should have come out. It was freezing in the room, and dark because of a busted lamp. It wasn’t ideal for someone who already felt as threadbare as the carpet, but it was the one place - the last place- he knew to find you.

  After trying to reach Lucas through message, you had given up. You left the apartment after him and puttered downtown on your own. You had spent a lot of time thinking, watching, waiting. You were trying to recall a feeling other than the numbness you felt. YangYang’s warmth and vibrancy was gone. The hopefulness was slipping away every second you spent sitting on the bed, knees knocked together, and shoes grinding a piece of trash into the carpet.

  You could feel yourself at the end of your rope. You had many choices, and all of them had you quitting your life as a sex worker and searching for a little slice of happiness. You wanted more for yourself, and from yourself. Spinning around in circles, your web of lies keeping you restrained, wasn’t your ideal life. All of those thoughts and more were rummaging around in your brain, when there was a soft knock on the door.

 You weren’t sure he would come. If you were him, you didn’t think you would have made the choice. You got up and answered the door, swinging it open to see him standing there holding a wad of money in his fist, just like the last time you saw him. When he saw your face starting to screw up, Hendery’s eyes got comically wide.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “It was just a joke. A poorly timed joke. “

  It wasn’t just the tears. You could feel your legs collapsing underneath you. You felt everything fall when you saw him. Luckily, right on time, Hendery caught you before your knees could buckle. He picked you up and carried you to the bed, his face full of worry.

“What happened?” he asked. He rubbed your head and sat with you in his arms, on the bed. “Did someone hurt you? What is it? Tell me.”

 All of the words wanted to come out, but your mouth was like bumper-to-bumper traffic. You stuttered and felt yourself beginning to whine. You felt ugly that you were reacting in the way you were, but Hendery’s kind eyes began to soothe you.

“It was a stupid joke.” he said. “I’m sorry. I take it back. Please don’t cry.”

“It’s not you.” you managed to say.

  You untangled yourself from his body and sat on the bed beside him. Hendery was inches away from kneeling down on the floor in front of you to look at your face. He kept looking into each of your eyes, his hands holding yours,  moving to rub against your leg, and lastly, going to wipe the tears from your cheeks. 

“Lucas?” he asked.

  You shook your head no. Realizing that you were lying again, you tried a different approach. You moved yourself back on the bed so that you could face him. Taking the first step of honesty felt painful.

“You’re the first person in my life I was ever fully honest with,” you said. “But I still lie to you, too. Doesn’t that make me a bad person?”

“No,” he said. “I lie all the time. I lied when I said I never wanted to see you again.”

  You took Hendery’s hands and held them. “I’m sorry. I should have stopped what we were doing when I knew you were falling in love with me.”

“I wouldn’t want that.”

“I know,” you said. “But it’s what should have happened. I thought I didn’t know why I did it, but I think I do now. It’s not an excuse. I’m not excusing anything I’ve done, but I want you to understand me. You made me feel something, Hendery. You made it easy to distract myself from my shitty life.”

 Hendery leaned in to kiss you. Once you felt him on your lips, you were hungry for more. The long conversation you wanted to have with him was forgotten. You kissed him back and fed yourself. You got up on your knees on the bed with him and held your body against his.

“ I don’t care.” he said. “I just want you. You make me feel it all.”

  You could taste your own salty tears in his kiss. Your mind was so barren of any kind of rational thought, so letting Hendery take off your clothes was easy. You did the same for him, touching his body like it held all of life's answers.  You clung to his sweaty skin. You stretched yourself across the hotel bed, your body eager to be filled with something, anything. 

 Neither of you could stop. Hendery remembered everything you liked. He parted your legs and slipped his fingers inside of you. His eyes never left yours, even as you got on top of him, your hair matted to your face and a wild look in your eyes. 

“Like old times. “ he said.

  You placed your hand over his mouth. He licked your fingers and you smiled. You took him inside of your body, feeling very full. You could still see the love staring back at you, could feel it in the way he trembled as you fucked. You missed him. Each touch brought life back to a memory, like crayons coloring in a page. 

 Looking up at the ceiling made you feel like you were flying through space. You would have welcomed feeling lost, but Hendery pulled you back down to earth again. He sat up, shifting himself so you were riding him in a sitting position. He touched his nose to yours and held your back as you started moving.

  You let yourself go, leaning backwards, feeling Hendery’s strong grip holding you up. His lips were on your collarbone, his tongue leaving trails all on your skin. It wasn’t why you invited him, but you always knew how to make him stay.

  You laid on Henderys chest. Your body was exhausted, your brain even more so. Hendery looked content, like he had been waiting to see you again to feel that ecstasy. You were scared of letting him down again, but you wouldn’t think like that. Besides, after he came, he kept repeating that he knew you could never be together. You were grateful for his effort, but hearing him say it made you a little sad.

“I think I’m going to quit.” you said. “I’m not sure I can keep this up much longer.”

Hendery looked down, his chin doubled. You touched your fingers to his face and laughed. Seeing you smile made him smile. 

“When?” he asked.

  You could hear the hope in his voice. You wished it could rub off on you. You laid back down on his chest, your ear hot against his skin. You didn’t have an answer for him, and even if you did, you weren’t sure it was his to have.

  Hendery got up to go to the bathroom, so you checked your phone. There were no messages from Lucas, none from Ten, none from Xiaojun, and definitely none from Kun. You looked through some of the old messages from possible clients and felt a pull towards them. Their happy, hopeful faces called out to you, begging you not to leave them. 

 You heard Hendery talking to himself in the bathroom and rolled over. You flicked through more clients, coming up on the one from before. His name was WinWin, and he was gorgeous. Too persistent, maybe, but he looked like a sweet man. Before things had gotten too crazy, you were thinking about entertaining the idea of adding on a new client to make things interesting. You clicked on his profile. You opened his messages and thought of something clever to write back. 

 If you were going to quit your job, you might as well have one last hurrah.