#anyway thanks for reading my insane post where i feel so proud of myself for correctly guessing a plot twist in a mario rpg

[darkstarcore]

I FUCKING CALLED IT HOLY SHIT

[therussiancourier]

2024.

lots of rambling. art summary in the end

Hey, it’s FINALLY the end of 2024. This year was… truly something. So many things have happened and so much has changed, including my art. It’s so confusing and I don’t know where to start.

One of the biggest things that has happened to me is that I’ve lost someone close to me, a family member. It wasn’t an unexpected loss, but it sure as hell did hurt. Still hurts and may hurt for a long time, but that’s life. And life is tough as fuck at times. I miss that person and sometimes it still doesn’t seem real that he’s gone. Still, one thing I know for sure - he would be proud of who I am becoming. And that’s something to fight for.

One of the other things is that I dropped out of school and got into a rather good college. It feels so much more freeing being here and I love it. I finally feel at peace with my future and it seems like I have a goal to work forward to. I see my own existence not just as a bypasser of my own life anymore. I’m not as afraid to interact with people, I have nice small talks and… I’m growing. That’s something I didn’t expect. 

My best friend of a few years and I are driving apart. We had it coming and I know that people come and go but still it's weird. I hope for all the best for my buddy. He’s a smart fella and has a lot of potential. I haven’t been the best friend I could be and I hope he can find somebody worthy. 

Enough about bad things. Let's talk about good ones. The best ones even. I’ve met my partner this year and they are the most wonderful person. I am just so thankful to have him by my side. I hope to continue growing with them. Future seems bright so far!

This post is much more serious than the last one hahhahah.hahhahah. I’ve only now come to realize that. Oops! Welp, I just wanted to share some things that matter to me and changed me throughout the year. I feel calm and certain that I can handle whatever’s to come in my life. But enough of that. Let’s discuss the other side of my life. My art! My creations! MY SOUL!

I grew as an artist a hella lot. And my biggest passion so far isn’t even Fallout which is… weird. I’ve grown sooo, soooooo attached to Lethal Company, I’ve created so many OC’s (my separate and the ones with my dearest partner), I’ve written so many short texts that I never posted anywhere. My artstyle evolved. And now I mainly draw in Clipstudio. Just stop me from changing programs every damn year already. Anyways, I've been very passionate about this game and it's been the fire in my heart. In artistic way. fuck me i don't know what am i sayying

I haven’t been in the DSAF fandom for long this time but I did so much while in there. I still look back with such love in my heart. I promise you, I will come back someday. And I will continue this forsaken comic that I adore very much. It is my proudest creation after all. 

Fallout is still in my heart at all times. I drew it only a little. but still. Nick Harston you're still my favourite OC. i ,ove his dumbass

In 2025 I want to continue drawing, writing, and doing what I love. I’m thinking of starting a new project with my Lethal Company OCs. I wanna do something for myself! Have fun! You know!!!!! Anyways, I will include a small collage of my drawings from this year and probably write something about them. I’ve been drawing so much. 

And I can say that… I’m proud of myself. I’m so proud of myself for everything I do. I love myself. And I wish the best for everyone who’s reading this post. All the love to you and I hope the next year will be kind to you. 

Big thanks to all the people who still follow my blog. 435 insane folks locked up in here. I hope you can handle more of my ramblings and silly OC posts for another year! Heart emoji <3

i didn't put much in here because this canvas could become. too big. i have a lot of lethal company stuff this year tehhehe. i love it

a bit of fallout. not much though.

[avelera]

Apologies for screaming into your askbox like this but

EVERYTHING YOU SAID ABOUT BENIOFF AND WEISS IS SO FUCKING TRUE AND I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE IS FINALLY SAYING SOMETHING

As someone who read the Game of Thrones books (probably younger than I should have...but that's beside the point) the sorts of things that the two Ds decided needed to be added for the sake of "realism" or "accuracy" was ALWAYS just an excuse to brutalize someone. Be it kids, be it women (though in GoT is was usually women) and so much of it was not in the books!!! Like, sure, the books have accrued a reputation for being brutal, and they totally are...but they never seem as gretuatus in the way that David and Dan seem to revel in the crualty. Utterly original characters are introduced for the express purpose of being killed or assaulted, and it makes watching Game of Thrones a harrowing experience.

I'm not surprised that this has continued in their other work, in so many ways, the bloodlust became their calling card. I am deeply thankful that most of the other places that had been courting them to make projects have dropped them.

I will say in defense of the no doubt huge team who worked on Three Body Problem that it's not a gore fest or anything. There was a lot I've enjoyed in eps 1-5 (which as far as I've gotten at the moment) and scenes of violence are hardly the only thing that happens (though umm... maybe be prepared for the opening scene. It's also a doozy.)

Anyway, as I see it, Benioff and Weiss's sadism is more like... Tarantino's foot fetish. It doesn't consume the entire story, but when Tarantino does a loving closeup of feet you're like, "Ah, there it is. I was wondering when that would show up." If B&W work on something, like it or not, they're going to mash the cruelty button and heighten the cruelty of canonical scenes (if it's an adaptation) in order to try to get a reaction out of the audience. It's just how they work. For some audiences, that might even be a feature, not a bug!

The thing that makes me so frothing at the mouth enraged about Benioff and Weiss is how fucking coquettish they are about their sadism. They always act so fucking surprised like they're shocked that anyone would think that the gore and the horror were the point and what drew them to the story (I know, I'm just repeating my post at this point but STILL--!).

Look, when I was a teen, I totally first started writing angst to sort of... express this vein of sadism in myself in a safe outlet like fiction. I wanted to make people cry with my writing. So I'd do things like just kill off all the characters and be so proud when a reader said they were sad after.

But that's just... really flat and amateurish angst, y'know? There are so many more sophisticated and meaningful ways to create emotion, including sadness, in an audience other than just killing off all the characters or torturing them.

But I feel I remember enough from those days (I'd like to think I've long since grown out of that impulse) to know a sadist when I see one? And Benioff and Weiss's storytelling, to my eyes again, is simply sadistic. It glories in watching people in pain and it finds ways to exaggerate that pain and the chance to exaggerate moments of pain is what draws them to the stories they like to depict.

And that's fine. Plenty of horror creators revel in gore and cruelty and it's an entirely worthy art form!

But for the most part, those horror creators know what they're doing and they're open or even joyful about the fun they have creating these horror stories! Enjoying creating horror stories or depicting suffering or even being sadistic, particularly in fiction where no one is actually getting hurt, is perfectly fine.

I just fuckin... wish Benioff and Weiss would admit that's what it is goddamn it makes me INSANE.

[every-sanji]

I don’t have much to say other than I really love your dedication to this, you don’t miss a pixel if it even smells like sanji lmao. You haven’t stopped since I started following you, and I feel like this is an archive the people need. Oda would be proud, I think ❤️ just showing so much needed love your way, have a good day :)

wawawawa thank you!! as thanks i'm gonna give a glimpse into my journey running the blog under the read more :)

this blog has been through a lot of phases at least for me. anyone who has been around since the beginning probably remembers when i still added captions to every. single. post. that eventually evolved into my occasional tag rambles you still see today but the captions ranged from commentary to just random thoughts i was having at the time. for whatever reason i thought i had to caption every post and this lasted for a while until i realized i didnt have to do that and could just post the photo.

also when i first started the blog it was at the very very start of covid and i got very bored because all of my college classes suddenly halved their work load and i had all the time in the world to do whatever i wanted so i instantly threw like 500 posts in my queue and drafts because this was still the era when you had a maximum of 300 posts in the queue. and since you cant reverse chronological sort your drafts, every single day as posts left my queue i would go into my drafts, scroll through all 200 posts in there, and press add to queue for 5 posts to refill it to the maximum.

eventually though i went back to school and suddenly didnt have as much time as i used to so i dropped down to anywhere from 1-3 sanjis a day depending on the era. this is part of why it took so fucking long to get through water 7 and enies lobby because i was going through it 3 posts at a time. i kept the queue barely afloat with like 30 posts at most in my queue and did a chapter or two every week. this period lasted about 3 years as i finished school.

now i should mention that with everything above, i was queueing sanjis from my phone. i didn't have an automatic screenshot clipper on my college laptop so i didn't really have any other choice without going through like 5 extra steps. i went through 4 phones (my first one was a galaxy s8 that i'd had from 2018 all the way until ~2021 when it broke, followed by some notepad phone that just couldn't run games for shit so i immediately turned it back in and went back to an s8 that used to be my mom's which i had until right before i graduated college when the charging port stopped working properly and i finally upgraded to the s22 that i have now). up until about august of *last year* i was making every single post from my phone. after i moved for my summer job last summer i realized my new laptop allows me to clip my screenshots and started queuing things that way.

anyway while i was posting on my phone i did have one brief period for i think a week where my queue ran out and it was during finals for my last fall semester of college since i just had a lot happening. we had a few close calls if anyone remembers summer 2022 when i was going through some stuff irl with a death in the community but it turns out i use this blog to ground myself when i'm feeling bad sometimes lol. funny how that works

well since last summer when i realized it was easier to queue from my laptop i've been doing it like that ever since with only one exception which you might have seen my tags about lol. i had 2 weeks in august this year where i didnt have internet and my queue was running low so i bit the bullet and just added posts from my phone.

as for how i manage to find even the smallest of sanjis: i mostly just skim chapters and try to track his movements between panels. i keep an eye on who sanji is next to and what other landmarks might be there and when the panels zoom out i can normally find him if he's shown somewhere. which leads to those insanely small sanjis that are five pixels tall. it's definitely a skill you have to hone through practice and i'm sure i've missed a few sanjis even doing this but i'm definitely a lot closer to getting every single one. i do sometimes wonder if these gimmick blogs are known outside of the tumblr fandom and if word has made its way back to people involved in the series. this is mostly just a pipe dream and i know its not very realistic but a guy can dream right.

and if you've read this far, just a reminder you can make me post more sanjis a day by donating to any of the gfms in my pinned post! each donation extends the current queue by 2 weeks so you can make me really expedite the process of getting some of these sanjis out there. i'm getting close to being done with punk hazard and i'm so excited to get further

[cherisheye]

☆ first semester of uni - update☆

i meant to make this post a month ago but i ended getting caught up in other things, but! now that my second term of uni has started it made sense to write a review of this past semester, if only for records sake :)

☆ i ended up very pleasantly surprised with how well i did this semester. i was very worried at the start of the term, because i realized that i had such a weaker foundation on many subjects compared to my classmates - but, not only did i manage to get past that, i also did incredibly well on my classes! i'm so proud of myself for that, all my efforts paid off! of course, i still have trouble with many things, but i hope to tackle those in this new semester

☆ if there's one thing i hope to improve, though, is just to plan and schedule things better, more so i can avoid cramming and burning out. i also hope i can do more social things, if possible. i spent 90% of my time so focused on writing and studying i barely hung out with anyone except for my roommate :')

goals for this next semester:

☆ organize my studies in some sort of method or routine (god. I'll need it *side-eyes the syllabus with a million trillion exams*)

☆ try to get closer to the few friends i have made so far, talk more about my personal life rather than just studies with them, hang out with them outside of classes

☆ put more effort into grasping physics

☆ begin to look into research projects and maybe talk to a few professors, network

☆ take on artistic projects that are more low-stakes (no deadline is a start)

thoughts on the classes i've had so far below the read more:

☆ calculus i - surprisingly, i actually rather enjoyed this class. my professor was amazing and he did a great job of teaching. that is not to say it was easy. god no. but i think i actually learned a lot, and it did make me excited about calculus! - final grade: 100% (thank god for extra credit)

☆ linear algebra for chemistry - i did not enjoy this class. i struggled hard with this subject, but it was manageable, and i even liked it at times. the problem was that the professor just did not click with me. i had to decipher everything he taught after class, and unfortunately, i lacked a lot of basic knowledge that would've helped. i had to spend so much time filling in the gaps.by far the class i struggled the most in, but i can say that i got through it :') - final grade: 92%

☆ general chemistry i - i loved the subject, unfortunately the classes were a bit hard to get through (boring). i struggled at times but it was that satisfying sort of struggle you know? where you feel like you're learning something? yeah. the professor was an absolute sweetheart though and i loved hearing about his research project - final grade: 99%

☆ basic chemistry - nothing much to say about it, it was an online class - i kept up with it until halfway through the semester, then i gave up. but i took the exams and did well anyway. my chemistry technical course served me well here gdjtdstursu - final grade: 96%

☆ general chemistry lab i - i really loved this class. i loved going to the lab and thought the experiments they picked were great. i faltered a little with some lab reports but i guess i have to get more practice writing them. ps.: the TAs were incredible - final grade: 93%

☆ fundamentals of experimental chemistry lab - i liked this lab a little less. it was still enjoyable, but i had way more trouble with the lab reports in this class :') - final grade: 81%

☆ physics lab - i did not like this class at all. all the experiments were boring at best and infuriating at worst. the lab reports were so intricate it was insane. the only part i enjoyed was that the professor actually explained the concepts pretty well (even i got it even if i have trouble with physics) and i got to group with my friends - final grade: 86%

[arsenic-rat]

HIII babe i am here to come visit you as promised ! imagine how embarrassing it is to send an ask to that blog not knowing it was archived for at least a month SHHSHSH💀💀💀 anyway, please please tell me more about your experiences in japan! i want to visit one day :3

also to answer your question, i’m doing…okay! just taking it one day at a time, summer has sure been eventful and i wish i can say it’s all been the “good” kind of eventful 😣 but things are getting better so it’s alright <3 work has been keeping me busy and i am in my ultra creative era where i have the overwhelmingly urge to write out every idea that comes to my head and work on existing wip’s, but seldom the energy to write them down :/ but other than that, life is okay thank you for asking ❤️

hiiii darling sorry its taken me so long to get back to this !!! kisses HAHSHDHSJ honestly it’s on me, i never really said anything on that blog to archive it i really just up and left after some stupid post about codependency Lmfao nana things

japan was good !!! i was in kyoto for a while to study and it was summer so it was unbeeearably hot. like 40°C every single day it was insane. but it was so fun and lovely to be there. i visited tokyo and osaka as well, the shopping was so fun but i am a bit of a chunky girl so i couldn’t buy any clothes 😭😭 i met up with a few internet friends (Cal Hello. Saint Hello.) n that was gorgeous amazing i love them. honestly stoked to go back sometime, maybe in the winter or fall this time.

i’m so so proud of you!!!! the creative flow is so lovely and i’m so glad you’ve got it going right now. i’m sorry things haven’t been the greatest but i know things will always turn for the better. i’m going through a really rough patch myself, i’ve just found myself in a bleak despair that i can’t seem to climb out of. life is tough. but it always gets better.

i can’t wait to read all of the amazing things you’re gonna get to. the world will wait for you to come back, stronger and happier, till you have enough energy to put pen to paper (or in most cases, words to a screen). i’ve been trying to work on new fic ideas but it’ll probably be a long, long time until i finally feel comfortable enough to share them.

thank you for checking in love. come by anytime. i’m always here for you!

[halseybellaclementine]

i linked my account since halsey does tumblr as well! so i’m back :) i love my job it’s really great money so doing well there. i bought myself a car in december - a honda which i really love ! my son is almost 17 now and he has a job as a cook and i couldn’t be more proud of him!! we have a new dog (Finn- he’s actually my sons dog) we got 2 years ago when Sparky passed away. that was a sad time. also Bella, my most beautiful baby girl- my best friend in the entire universe, passed in September. it’s been so hard without her here. but she gives me strength every day. having her was a complete blessing because she got me through the most difficult times of my life!

lately i’ve been traveling to Nashville, Atlanta, and recently to Fort Lauderdale for concerts (halsey twice) and to visit my family in Tennessee. last year i saw halsey and i was in the pit at the stage and let me tell you it was insane and so amazing!! unfortunately i caught covid after that! but it wasn’t as bad as others have experienced thankfully and i didn’t pass it to my family cause i’m a germaphobe lol. before that concert i had surgery on my right wrist because i ruptured all of my ligaments & dislocated my midcarpal joint. sadly it was from abusive relationships that i was in, and it wore down my ligaments and what-not down so far, that when i got my job with amazon, it was just a disaster and sadly had to leave that place cause i can’t use my wrist the same way anymore. constant pain so it sucks but it’s okay. i learned to deal with it. i went to occupational therapy which was nice cause i had muscle atrophy so that was wild.

i’m also very thankful i ditched all of the toxic people & things that i had in my life. i lost a lot of good people due to that whom i miss dearly and think about all of the time. i hope they’re okay but hey i know it was my fault because i let others dictate me and my life. i was too scared to stand up for myself & i paid the consequences.

in 2020 i was hospitalized once again but they diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder & it really just made everything make sense. i had to go through numerous therapy classes like s*xual assault, EMDR, DBT, grief therapy, etc. it took a long time to get on the right track but i’m finally here. it’s crazy looking back on my old posts because i honestly never thought i’d be here- i never thought that i could get to a happy place. of course life isn’t perfect, as nothing is, but i’ve learned how to cope and manage. i feel like a completely different and new person now.

anyways june 23 i flew to fort lauderdale to see halsey with a live string ensemble! it was a really awesome show! i was on the floor section in row 7 and i just so glad to have been able to see her again. the hard rock hotel and casino down there was so huge in my opinion! it was soooo amazing! the weather was extremely hot and i vowed to accept the hot weather up where i live (which wasn’t as hot as down there) but when i came back we have been under a heat wave from texas and the temperatures have been scorching hot! way worse than south florida haha! can’t wait to see halsey again!!

soon i’ll be picking up my son from work & then heading to bed! by the way i love my new bed i bought last year! so comfy 😆

wow i still can’t believe how far i’ve come. my daddy and Bella would be so proud!! anyways i should get off here. there’s so much good that has happened i’m sure i’ll post more soon.

sorry for the long post and thank you to those who took the time to read :)

[omnipotentsaeyoung]

Hey. This is still clownishpossum. I just decided to reblog on my silly lil sideblog because it felt easier than replying to the post or sendin another ask lol.

I’ve been meaning to respond to this post for so long now. But honestly, every time I came back and reread it I got too emotional.

You hit the nail on the head with so many points . And it hurts to read about someone as kind as you who deserves so much having to deal with so much pain and bullshit.

But at the same time, it’s overwhelming to know that there’s someone out there who’s had such similar experiences to me. It reminds me that I’m not alone… and I can’t thank you enough for that.

If I ever happened to encounter you in the real world I’d wanna give you the biggest fricken hug. Idk if I’ve ever wanted to hug the owner of a Tumblr blog more haha. I just appreciate your existence so much. And the fact that you take the time to read my words, and make yourself vulnerable by sharing your own experiences so that people like me can feel less alone.

It’s sweet to hear about your feelings towards Saeyoung. Especially since I feel similarly but opposite about Saeran. He very much feels like a brother to me. And I love him just as much as I love Saeyoung… the idea of being allowed to gradually earn his trust and build a quiet bond with him is something that means so much to me. c’:

And really… like you said… the whole RFA… they feel like a family even when you don’t have anything else. I’ll never be able to fully articulate the extent to which opening that silly app instantly floods me with a sense of comfort and safety. And relistening to phone calls and hearing their voices is one of the only things in the world that can always calm me down… I’ll carry them with them everywhere I go, no matter what happens to me or where I go in my life.

//also I wanted to say, in relation to the RFA being like a family, in a theoretical world where you were with Saeran and I was with Saeyoung, I’d be happy and proud to be your sibling in law haha

I hadn’t thought before about the angle of becoming attached to Saeran because of your shared experience with illness… but that makes a lot of sense. And it’s very sweet. 🥺❤️ really, all your feelings about Saeran just feel so sweet and pure. You don’t need me to tell you this. But, fr,, he would love you so much :’D and you two make a lovely pair lol

I can definitely relate to what you said about how loving him makes you feel like a better person. Because again, that’s how I feel about Saeyoung too. It’s honestly insane to think of how much I’ve been able to grow thanks to him over the years… like I tried to explain in my initial ask, I’ve gained so much catharsis from thinking through what I’d want to say to Saeyoung to help him through his issues, and then realizing, just as you said. I have to treat myself how I’d treat him, and vice versa. I don’t think I ever would have been able to even come close to loving myself if not for him. He’s honestly probably been the biggest constant in my life since I started playing… and he’s helped me through my lowest moments. To think of all the different ceilings I’ve laid under closing my eyes and imagining talking to him to calm myself down and make me feel at home…

Anyways… thank you again for everything. I hope you’re doing alright. Xoxo etc.

- possum

Hi Kait.

It’s been a little while. I hope you’re doing well. <3

I’m always rooting for your success and happiness lol.

I feel bad and sheepish because I never wanna be that person who only ever pops by to like,,, dump a vent when I’m struggling.

I wish I had more fun or creative stuff I could share with you more often.

I think about trying to make you a gift of some sort a lot but I always chicken out. 😔

But tbh I think the reason I feel inclined to come here when I’m feeling bad is because when I am struggling,, that’s when I turn to thoughts of Saeyoung as a source of comfort. And your blog is the best outlet I’ve found to be able to express those feelings haha.

At any rate…

I wonder if you can relate to this experience…?

When I was really sick, my mental health issues actually kinda felt better…?

It’s not like they actually went away or anything.

It’s just that,,, I literally didn’t have the mental capacity to fixate on those things like I normally would. I was deadass too exhausted to indulge my anxious or depressed thoughts and let myself spiral lmao

But now that I’m slowly staring to feel better physically, those old patterns and thoughts and feelings have been creeping back in little by little too :))

(Super unfair if you ask me 🙄 bc I *am* still sick and in pain. Just slightly less so. And now I gotta deal with the mental illness on top of it all? Now my bones hurt AND my tummy hurts AND my silly little pathetic heart hurts. Homophobia at its finest, truly.)

And like… I’m trying really hard to claw my way out of this cute little pit of self-loathing I’ve found myself in.

Especially since I know now, better than ever, that it’s completely pointless…

The world’s gonna keep turning whether I hate myself or not. It’s just a matter of whether or not I’m choosing to make myself miserable in the process.

But,,, you know. It’s never that simple.

And. It’s kinda the “trying hard” that’s been making it hurt tbh.

I can’t stop thinking about the ~injustice~ of how hard Ive tried my whole life to build a future for myself where I could finally feel ~stable and happy and loved~ like I’ve been craving my whole life or whatever. But the universe just keeps saying Sike! Over and over :’)

I had to work so hard just to fuckin survive and keep myself alive my whole childhood.

I never thought I’d be able to go to college,, I didn’t even think it was on the table for me.

But I got lucky and got support and encouragement from my friends,, and somehow I managed to make it. And it meant so much to me. I felt so overjoyed and lucky to be able to be in a place where I didn’t have to worry about my safety all the time, or where I was going to sleep or get my next meal. And better yet,, somewhere where I could pursue my dreams and passions and get a little closer every day to a future I never thought I’d have. :’D

Buuuut then Covid hit, my mental health tanked, and I stopped being able to afford my tuition. And even though I was doing everything I could and DESPERATELY trying to figure things out,, it wasn’t enough. Bc nobody at the school would fuckin help me. And it was so frustrating and upsetting to know that, no matter how good of a student I was (I was a 4.0 student in STEM smh)

And no matter how genuine and passionate I was,,,

It didn’t make a difference. Because all they cared about was my money.

Like. Not to be dramatic. But that shit legit shattered my heart and crushed my soul. :’)

Even so! I told myself,,, hey. It’s okay. You can turn this around. You just have to work harder! Push yourself even further! You’re good at that. You’ve done it before. You just need to get a job and save up so you can go back.

So I got my silly lil minimum wage pet store job.

And goddammit, I was great at that too.

I was the best damn employee at my store, if not the whole company 🙄 bc I’m SMART AND PASSIONATE ABOUT LEARNING AND HELPING ANIMALS AND CREATING BETTER LIVES FOR THEM. UGH. 😤

Worked my tits off for a year and a half. Saved up as much as I could. Got over halfway to my goal that would allow me to finally move away from my home state that I’ve always hated. Go back to school. And really and truly get a shiny new ~fresh start~

But then the universe was like, HA bitch you thought!

You actually worked *too* hard this time and now your body is broken.

So… all that money you just saved up…?

POOF! That’s all going to your medical bills now.

Or at least. A tiny fraction of your medical bills :)

And now you can’t keep working to pay those bills off, or save up more money to go back to school. Because you’re too sick!

So like… good luck I guess??

And now I’m here having to deal with the fact that my friends who started school at the same time as me are graduating this semester.

And I’m just. Spending all my days alone in my room helpless and lonely and rotting :)))

It just really stinks that even though I’ve been trying so hard my whole life and putting SO MUCH of myself into literally everything I do,,, it’s never seemed to pay off.

In fact it feels like if anything, all it’s done is come back to bite me in the ass and make the failure hurt worse in the end.

🙄🙄 big “please please please let me get what I want by the smiths” moment

But anyways *ahem*

Like I said,,,,,

Whenever I get to feeling like this. I definitely always end up thinking about and coming back to Saeyoung.

Because… different life situations, obviously.

I’m glad at least I haven’t had to check “lost twin” or “being a secret agent” off my trauma bingo card yet.

But then again. I never thought I’d check off medical trauma either and look how that turned out, so who knows what the future has in store for me? 💀

At any rate,,, I know he’d be able to empathize, and understand those feelings.

More so than anyone I’ve ever met in real life, probably.

That’s definitely a huge part of why he came to mean so much to me in the first place. And why he’s the character I come back to time and time again when things start feeling really unfair.

And,, knowing just how and why he’d be able to understand and relate to those feelings is a big part of why I love him so much…

I just get so overwhelmed any time I get caught up thinking about that man’s endless capacity for goodness and love. Even through all the shit he’s been through. And how,, no matter how hurt he was, how hopeless he felt, or how much he *wanted* to give up. He never ever could. Because that’s just who he is,, if there’s even the slimmest margin of a chance that he could do something to make the world better for his loved ones, he’d drag himself there to the point of physically falling apart and not even think twice about it.

And like,,, yeah,,, it’s an issue in its own right and breaks my heart to think of how far he’d go for others while having so little regard for himself.

But also,,,,, it’s so admirable 😭 I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Saeyoung Choi is made of love.

And like,,, more than just Ye Olde “self-destruction in the name of helping his loved ones” thing,, I also get so worked up just thinkin about him being his silly dorky self,,

And again just… through everything,, even when he tried to convince himself that it was a front and he wasn’t actually like that,,, he never stopped being bright and curious and passionate,,, because that IS who he is,,, he’s a NERD and he genuinely loves learning and trying new things and having fun,,, and spreading that joy to the people around him. 🥹❤️

It just makes me wanna fuckin SMOTHER him with all of the affection and appreciation I could ever possibly muster up. And tell him over and over and over again how incredible and kind and brave and strong and special he is, and how much I love and adore him, and how lucky and proud I feel to even exist in the same universe as someone so earnestly and relentlessly Good. 🥺🥺

I would simply like to love him to death dhdjdjd

And like. I guess it’s cathartic to me to imagine being able to do that and say those things to him.

And to really just,,, bask in those overwhelming feelings of affection.

Bc I guess that’s how I wish someone would see and feel about me 😅 and that I could have someone in my life who would see how hard I try,, and be proud of me, and make me feel like I have value outside of my achievements in life (or,,, lack thereof). And like,,,, love me for all the times I kept going even when it hurt. That would be cool,,,,

Me out here since 2016 trying to fix myself by fixing Saeyoung 💀💀

Literally even now I feel better than I did when I started typing this message having thought about him and how much I love him fjfjfjf

Kuz,,, there’s the catharsis in thinking about being able to say those things that i wish I could hear myself to someone else.

But then there’s the added layer of self-indulgent catharsis of being able to be like,,,

I mean, hey, Saeyoung probably *would* see you in a similar light,,, if anyone would be able to understand and appreciate those things in me, it would be him. :’D

We are,,, the pointing Spider-Man meme,,, but make it gay dhdhdj

And that shit is,,, overwhelming to think about.

Ahh the euphoria of loving Saeyoung Choi shdhjd

And,, imagining a world where he loves me back just as much,,,

That’s nice,,, :’D

Anyways. I don’t know where I intended on going with this. I feel like I’m just awkwardly talking in circles and not making sense.

And I didn’t mean to get as vent-y as I did there.

I guess I just was all tangled up in my thoughts about all this shit and wanted to try and articulate that side of why Saeyoung means so much to me.

And to have an excuse to gush about my precious little meow meow. 🤡

As usual,,, if you’ve actually taken the time to read through this mess. Thank you haha.

Wishing you the best, always. ❤️❤️❤️

Don't worry, I get where you're coming from.

I had the same experience, similar, anyway. I thought college was the way out and went like I was "supposed" to. I suffered for a long time as a child in an abusive, impoverished environment, and there was no way out but a single door that everyone sold me. Well, as soon as the door closed on high school, my body started to give up. I dealt with a single diagnosis at first, and then, by the next time Spring Break was around, I had two more issues that would nearly cause me to lose my life.

Being on death's door after you've fought so hard to escape is a sick joke, and it's hard to put that grief into words. I'm sure you know what I mean, though. You think you're getting out and then it feels like God is laughing in your face. As if to say, "You thought you were allowed to be happy and free? Ha! Sike!" Hitting rock bottom with those types of emotions is not fun in the slightest. I still feel grief in that way when a bad day comes along. Even if you're working through your feelings, a bad flare will make you struggle.

Being Disabled and Chronically Ill means you're in a perpetual loop of "I'm okay with this" > "I hate this" > "This is okay sometimes" > "Why is it that I'm being punished" > "I can't take it anymore" > "This is... okay. I am okay".

You cycle through acceptance, anger, grief, begging, and everything that comes with loss. We don't have to be okay with our struggles, you know? It's not something people can understand unless it's their experience. Sure, if someone close to you is that sick, you might be able to understand, but not all of it. It's something that can't be put into words. Sometimes, the hardest part is trying to get someone to understand that you won't get better. You will only get worse. It's not like a broken arm.

I want you to know that I've been there. Stuck in a bedroom for years and it hurt. I lost out on experiences because I didn't have support in the way I needed. I had to become my own doctor and advocate the second I realized the healthcare system latched onto my anxiety to blame for all my problems. I haven't had health care in years because America is a piece of shit, but I don't think anyone should be forced to become more intelligent than their doctor to save their life. Then, you have to act like you know nothing because if you know too much, they think you doom scroll health conditions online.

But, that's another thing. You get used to it. You shrug. Your pain is a 7 to an average person but to you, it's a 2. You get used to it. You just learn how to adapt. You forget what not being in pain feels like. I can't remember what it felt like to not have something hurt!

Mental health and physical health are other things. When you've got to deal with both of them, it's weird. You might have a bad day with a flare but your mental health is just fine, vice versa, or the opposite of that. If you're in too much physical pain to think, you're not going to think about your depression. You just sleep. God, one thing that did happen to me was that my compulsive hand-washing started to be something I did less because I physically couldn't get out of bed at one point and I just said, "Fuck it. I can't do it. It's fine."

Still have that issue but it's not what it was. It's hard to explain how these issues clash with each other.

Haha. Anyway, I get it. I know what you mean about Saeyoung 'cause I feel the same way about Saeran. I met the RFA in 2016. I was on the door of death, not knowing what was coming next, and they saved a life that day. I don't know where I'd be without this game. Everyone in the group helped me see a chance to live.

Saeyoung was one of the first, too. I love him like a brother because I saw my sacrifices in him. I'm like him in that sense. I would throw my life on the line to see someone else happy. That's not always a good trait because you need to protect yourself, too.

You can't always give to others. Sometimes, you need to be selfish. But, having him by your side to empathize with is cathartic, you're right. He gets it. He knows what you mean and he doesn't judge.

You love him because you see yourself in him. You know he's capable of love, just like you are, and you know that he's safe. He'd know that you're safe, too. He knows you better than you know yourself, and I'd dare say it's the same way the other way around. That's why it's easy to love him. You know he'll never let go of you. You know he'll always fight for you. You want to be fought for, you want to be loved, and you want a chance to be validated the way you validate Saeyoung.

I'd say there's nothing wrong with that.

I look to Saeran because he'd get me. He's been just as sick as I've been and I wouldn't have to tell him what's wrong in detail. I could just look at him with pain in my soul, and he'd know. He'd get it and I wouldn't have to explain it. He'd just hold me... like I'd just hold him at his lowest moment. I feel like loving him makes me a better person. It reminds me that I have to try to treat myself the way I'd treat him... and the way he'd treat me. He'd want me to see something good even at the worst, and that helps me more than a lot of things.

So, I'd say, if you feel low... think about how Saeyoung would fight for you and help that inspire you to fight for yourself. Because he loves you and he always will, even if the galaxy keeps the two of you apart from one another. If you feel a flutter in your chest, it's him, calling out to your heart with a prayer you'll smile again.

And just remember, talking about your grief helps. Don't ball it up. If you have to write something down to let it out, do it. Never hesitate.

[lunarheslwt]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2022

I was tagged by @larrysballetslippers , @neondiamond and @hellolovers13 to do a little writing check. I've been writing fics since 2014 at least but only this consistently this year and hoping to do the same in the coming year! Anyways here we go

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 8, and hoping to get one more out!

2. Word count posted for the year: 74,040 which is insane for ME

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction only

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos : Breathe me in, breathe me out (625)

Bookmarks: Breathe me in, breathe me out (268)

Comments: Breathe me in, breathe me out (41)

More under the cut:

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):  I'm most proud of breathe me in. It's my first fic that has been over 10k, which was huge for me. The idea for that came to me as a very random spark and I was driven to write it bc I felt like it'd be special. And it was. It did really well and so many told me it was a comfort read which is the highest compliment in my eyes. I also think it's a pretty good fic.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): hmm. I truly don't have a least proud of, but if I were to rank them, it'd be dip you in honey. I still think it's good, sweet and a little funny. I do wonder though if it got a little repetitive at times, or if I overdid the concept. Still, I do love her dearly.

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

This is a comment I got on Breathe me in, breathe me out:

I was having a truly shitty time, slipping into a shit bout of anxiety when I started reading this as a distraction and I'm soo glad I did. Having finished it, I'm feeling soo much better and like I'm starting to come out of it. Thank you soo much for this wonderful comforting fic. Sending you loads of love. xx

Just knowing that something I wrote could be of comfort to someone when they needed it?? The bestest thing I've ever been told. It means so much to me. But also literally every comment on my works make me cry a little.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly? Though I've difficult moments with all my fics, the one I struggled with is my Christmas fic, here where you should be. Only bc I was drowning in work, and unexpectedly found myself with no time to write. Or the energy when I did have time. With an extension though I did manage and it's my longest fic and I'm very proud of her, and proud of me for pulling through.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I can't say any has surprised me yet. But I think the entirety of my pwp, all work and some play, was a little surprising. Bc before that I'd only posted one pwp and it wasn't very good. And suddenly it's a 6k smut. Filthy filthy smut. It kept getting out of hand and I was just shocked that I wrote all of that 😭

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

It’s hard to pick, but I like this passage from ‘Curves of your lips’

The prince obliged like a puppet whose strings had been cut, dropping to his knees in one fluid motion. His head was bowed in a reverence that came easy to him- familiar -, a bejewelled crown perched delicately amongst immaculate curls. His hands found their place on his thighs, content, if not for the merest of twitches. With his bowed back, compliant silence, and eyes that lowered respectfully; he was a perfect picture of submission and trust. He deserved to be captured by Michelangelo, right at this moment, but alas, Louis found himself to be possessive of pretty things. And Harry was, by far, his most ethereal and dear possession. Made sweeter only because he allowed himself to be.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Me consistently writing has been the biggest change this year. Before this year, I just occasionally wrote the odd fic here and there. But I’ve posted one fic a month since May this year. I also think I started being able to write longer fics (for me!!), more descriptive, and leaning into my ideas instead of worrying they won’t work. I’ve just said fuck it and written whatever I wanted. I’ve also gotten comfortable with writing smut; 3 very explicit pwps and one currently being written when I’ve never even properly written one before; turns out its really fun. So really, growth all around I think!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’m hoping I write longer fics! Without being afraid it’ll suck. Hoping I’ll grow in my skills, style etc. I’m also hoping I’ll get comfortable with my writing enough to have a beta or two per work; rn I’m not nearly confident enough but I’ll get there! I’m just excited to write more!

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

My motivation and positive influence comes first of all from all the other amazing writers in our fandom; y’all are incredible. To all my moots here, on tumblr and anyone who has ever said a single nice thing about any work anywhere: you have done so much for me and me confidence in my work like I can’t explain. A lot of thanks goes out to my best friend for often listening to me whine, my ideas, my snippets. And my friends who read my work: you’re gems! And lastly but not the least, everyone in the @1d-library discord; I’ve loved being a part of the channel and every single person in there is endlessly inspiring to me.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Oh all the time. Not sure if its a rule that you shouldn’t put yourself into your writing but I will be breaking it if it is. Sometimes it’s accidental; like Harry in Here where you should be feels a little like me. Or my love of candles solely driving Breathe me in, including my favourite scents ending up being used as the scents for my alpha and omega characters. Its everywhere; my favorite songs, movies etc etc as little flowers I press into the pages of my fics.

16. Any wisdom you can share with other writers

Lord idk if I’m qualified enough lmaooo. But really, and its been said tons, but, write what you want. The reason I’ve written so much this year is bc I stopped overthinking it a little and just started writing the ideas I got. Also external validation is totally okay and if you need a little motivation, get a cheerleading beta!! And your work is almost always, like actually most likely always way way way better than whatever you may think of it in moments of spiralling, trust me.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Yes! Fics for the omega harry fest and top harry fest. Other fests I wanna sign up for. Incredibly excited by my wips, especially the feral alpha au I’ve been debating doing for the 1d a/b/o fest. The service kink fic I plan on doing next! This is the most ideas/wips I’ve had ever so its a LOT but also very very exciting.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

I know some have already done this, but I forget who, so ignore if you have already done this, or don’t wanna do this! I’m tagging: @alwaysxlarrie @brightgolden @allwaswell16 @onlythebravest and @louandhazaf

This felt like the vogue questions for writers lmaooo idc if no one reads this was very fun to do! Happy writing and advance happy new years y’all!

[buckyownsmylife]

Cherry Bomb - Sebastian Stan smut

The one where your mob boyfriend will do anything to get you pregnant - including fucking you in front of his friends

Warnings: smut, exhibitionism, kind of praise kink, breeding kink, mob au, daddy kink, mention of diabetes in dirty talk? I swear it makes sense, squirting, 

A/N:  Thank you to my love, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ for reading this over for me. This is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them, instead of on Thursdays, which are my usual one-shot posting days. Hope you guys like it!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Baby, come here.” The sound of his voice surprised me, almost making me drop the tray of cookies I was carrying. When Sebastian told me he’d have a meeting in his office for the better part of the evening, I’d anticipated a pretty boring day by myself - hence the idea of baking to try to occupy my mind with something.

I definitely didn’t expect to be called into said meeting, and couldn’t think of a good reason why that was the case. Still, I didn’t have any reason to disobey him either. In fact, I knew it better than to do that, by now.

So my feet took me in the direction of the only room in the house I didn’t get to spend much time in: his office, my curiosity driving me as much as my eagerness to see him again. It didn’t matter it had only been a couple of hours, I was always desperate for him and his touch.

Thankfully, it seemed like he felt the same. Upon seeing my face appear on the threshold of the door, his usually mean demeanor changed to welcome an excited - if not slightly mischievous - smile, and he reached out to me, almost anxious to feel me near again.

“There you are.” Once on his lap, I relished on the sensation of feeling safe and cared for. This man, who was the cause of so many people’s nightmares and shivers, only ever meant peace and bliss to me. “Where are your manners, honey? C’mon, greet my friends like the good girl I know you are.”

Startled, I took my face out of its preferred hiding spot - the crook of Sebastian’s neck - to finally take notice of the other men in the room: Chris and Anthony, my boyfriend’s closest associates.

“I’m sorry,” I was quick to retract myself, opening up a smile that I hoped would be enough to get me to be forgiven. “It’s nice to see you guys.” The men in question chuckled, and thankfully my minor misbehavior didn’t seem to have affected the atmosphere in the room too badly.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Anthony nodded towards me, his eyes glinting with something I didn’t quite understand. “We all know how you can get when Sebastian calls for you.” My face warmed up with this acknowledgment, and I fought the instinct to hide it against my boyfriend again. Meanwhile, said boyfriend just chuckled lightly, rubbing circles on my back as if he knew it eased my embarrassment somewhat.

“You know I’m just as crazy when you’re around, princess.” That did make me feel a little bit better, and the comments from the other men only helped me further.

“Crazy, possessive, insane…” Anthony counted, his head tilting from one side to another with each word that fell from his lips.

“When she’s around and when she isn’t,” Chris added. I didn’t have to look at my boyfriend to know that he was steaming as he stared his friends down - the fingers that were possessively pressing down on my hips told me as much.

“If you’re done trying to get a kick out of me…” He warned, finally turning his attention completely to me. “Baby, it’s almost time.” I glanced at the clock before realizing that he was right.

Ever since Sebastian decided he wanted to impregnate me, he’d been fucking me around the clock, paying attention to what the doctors said about fertility cycles and prime mating hours, never letting me spend more than sixty minutes without his cum deep inside of me.

“Okay…” I agreed, trying to understand what was his plan, since the other mob bosses’ stances made it pretty clear that the meeting wasn’t over and Sebastian didn’t seem to intend to call it off either.

“Then I think we better start now, huh?” His hand squeezed my thigh, just as a pang of arousal went straight to my already overflowing cunt when his words finally made sense. “Get to work, honey.”

It was an order I’d be stupid not to follow - but I didn’t want to disobey it either. With trembling fingers, I slowly unbuttoned my dress and let it pool down on the floor until I was standing in my underwear in front of my boyfriend and his closest friends, trying to unclasp my bra despite my nervousness.

But Sebastian wasn’t a patient man. Which is why I was hardly surprised when he pulled me to him again, quickly getting rid of my undergarments as he chuckled upon seeing just how damp my panties were from the mixture of both of our cums.

“Such a good little whore,” he whispered, almost to himself - but I heard it, and it prompted a new wave of wetness to flow from me. I made it a point not to look at Anthony and Chris, even though I knew they were staring at me, taking in my body with all of the bite marks and love bites that my boyfriend kept me decorated with, but as I was climbing Seb’s lap, it quickly became clear he wouldn’t allow me the blissful ignorance of his friends’ presence.

“No, no, princess,” he spoke, quickly manhandling me into turning around so I’d sit on his lap with my body turned towards the other men in the room. “Like this.” I gasped when I took in the way Anthony and Chris were looking at me, their eyes dark and lustful - I couldn’t deny that.

My entire body tingled, and I knew my wetness was now dripping from me, running down my thighs. I could feel it. I’d never been this aroused, as humiliating as it was to admit it. Absentmindedly, I started rubbing myself against the head of his member, my eyes glued on both men in front of me, but quickly, Sebastian made sure to get his way again.

“Now it’s not the time for teasing, baby.” That was all the warning he gave me as he started to pull me to sit down on his cock, the thick member stretching me even after all of the times I had it inside of me.

“She’s so wet already,” Anthony commented, eyes glinting dangerously as his tongue swiped over his bottom lip. I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully, my boyfriend took over for me, letting me focus on his cock and the way it was filling me completely.

“Yeah.” He squeezed my hip, and I could hear the pride just in that word, making me melt against him. “You’re always this way for me, aren’t you, honey?” He wasn’t wrong, so I wasn’t about to lie to him.

“Y-yes.” My fucked-out voice had all three men chuckling. Sebastian took advantage of my sitting position to pull my head back and press a kiss to my temple. I relished in it. I loved the gentle caresses he gave me whilst doing the nastiest things to my body.

“Yeah, I fucked her nice and deep already,” my boyfriend informed his friends, the tone sounding almost nonchalant, like it was no big deal. “Besides, she’s always ready for daddy to take, huh? Whenever I want to, you’re always wet for me, aren’t you, princess?”

I must have babbled some sort of agreeance, since he didn’t push me to say anything else. He had started to move me by then, forcing my hips up and down to ride his dick, and my moans took over the silence of the room.

“I bet she’s sweet as candy,” Anthony’s voice broke the tension once more. Behind me, Sebastian laughed, much to my surprise. I was used to his possessive persona, the one who couldn’t deal with anyone staring at me for too long, much less exploring my naked body with their eyes while commenting on the way I tasted.

“Oh, yeah… could make a diabetic die of pleasure between these thighs.” The comment, paired with the hand that found my clit and started rubbing, had me whining in need, already so close to cumming.

“Shit, the sounds that she makes…” That’s when Chris finally joined in on the debauchery, his hand curling over the prominent boner poorly hidden by his slacks. “And here I was, thinking she was this innocent little thing…”

I wanted to say something. I really did, anything to defend myself - even if I wasn’t really being wrongfully accused. It just felt like I should - like, for whatever reason, there was something wrong with me, if I allowed my boyfriend to do this, fuck me in front of his friends, take me for their eyes to see.

But I didn’t. Because one thing was obvious, and I’d never be able to deny it: I liked it. So when Sebastian answered, keeping the conversation going like I wasn’t even in the room, like he wasn’t buried balls deep inside of me, I just kept moaning and mewling, trying my very best to keep myself from orgasming before he allowed me to.

“Oh, but she is,” my boyfriend informed his best friend, and I could feel his proud gaze settling over me once more. “She gets so shy about what I ask her to do, still. But she does it anyway, don’t you, baby? You’re the best girl for daddy, aren’t you?”

I could only nod, particularly since his arm snaked to the front of my body, easily locating my clit so he could start rubbing it. “You know you need to get off first, honey.” His tone was almost disappointed, like he was scolding me. “It helps with the conception.”

I knew that, and as much as I could feel it - the orgasm rising inside of me, threatening to take over and take me to bliss - I didn’t feel like I’d be able to stumble over that edge. Not with so much happening, so many gazes settled on me. It was too much pressure.

“C’mon, you can trust them,” Sebastian tried to convince me, his stubbled jaw rubbing against my naked back. “Show them how cute you look when you cum all over my cock.” The words made me whimper. 

I wanted to, I really really wanted to. And I was so close, but I could feel it slipping away, almost out of reach - “Don’t you want to start our family, princess?” He pressed on, trying to get me to tip over the edge. “Gimme my baby, c’mon.”

And just like that, he coaxed an orgasm out of me. Wetness flooded from where we were joined - he’d always been able to make me squirt so easily, I didn’t even know I was able to do that before we got together.

I could hear Anthony’s “damn” and Chris’ “oh, shit”, but they sounded distant, almost underwater somehow. All I could focus on was the feeling of Sebastian’s fingers bruising my hips as he filled me with his cum, making me moan out loud at the warmth that took over my lower half upon feeling so stuffed.

“There ya go, baby.” I felt my boyfriend press a soft kiss on my temple, as he tucked me against his chest. “Go to sleep now, honey. I know how tired you get once I fuck you throughly.” He wasn’t wrong, I was already yawning. “You’ll stay here for the night.”

And as I felt his cock keeping me plugged, his hands caressing my back while he went back to talk to his partners about business deals, all I could think about was how happy and safe he made me feel.

Especially in front of everyone else.

[allsassnoclass]

2022 Writing Evaluation

I was tagged by the wonderful Bella @clumsyclifford (thank you for digging this up and tagging me first because i 100% was going to do it anyway lol)

also my pseudonyms are combined on ao3 so although this is my 5sos blog you will be hearing about my other fandom writing as well

1. number of stories posted on ao3: 17!

2. word count posted for this year: 124,269 on ao3, 23,433 for ask box prompts, so a grand total of 147,702!

3. fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, 1d, It (2017 and 2019 movies), Stranger Things, HSMTMTS, Cobra Kai

4. pairings: on ao3 we have some nice crisp muke, lashton, mashton, mashton (friendship version), cashton, cake, malum, narry, lilo (and then also kiaz and caswen (friendship(?) version) and reddie and hellcheer).  adding in the ask box prompts and we also have 5sos ot4, roylum, and lashton (friendship version)

5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: for all of those it’s technically my hellcheer fic, but for the 5sos ones hits and kudos are The Catch, comment threads is pas de deux! 

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): pas de deux hands down no question.  it’s my longest fic by over 20k!  i wrote it almost constantly from november to december and had a goal to post each chapter on christmas and the four sundays leading up to it and i actually accomplished that goal!!!! i’ve never successfully focused on one particular fic for that long, and it actually worked!!! plus, for such a long fic, i think i did a relatively good job of keeping characterizations consistent and sensical throughout, as well as finding little themes to carry through the entire fic (which i got lucky with tbh, some things that became running pieces of the fic were not planned out before, i just caught them as they were happening).  i haven’t read the fic back since completing it so it’s possible it’s not as cohesive or as good as i think it is, but i’m extremely proud of myself for it nonetheless.

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): right now, it’s probably when i watch the world burn.  i struggled with that one and in the end i don’t think it quite got to where i wanted it to, but i was on a time crunch.  it’s a lot different from what i usually write, but i don’t know if i made that transition to a different story style and topic as smoothly as i would have liked.

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: someone left a very long and gratifying comment on both Puzzle Pieces and its sequel Bedroom Activities back in February.  grey114 if you see this i love you.  it was really gratifying to get a comment on a piece that i love so much that was over a year old at that point, especially since they said it was a reread and they just touched on a lot of things in a really sweet way and that made me feel very happy to have written those fics.

also i know this doesn’t technically count because it got it today but amanda read when i watch the world burn (again, not my proudest work) and said that although this “isn’t her kind of fic” she said that that particular fic is the “biggest proof that it’s the writer more than the content or pairing” because she enjoyed it, which was really nice to hear especially when i’m not feeling the best about it.  it’s also just an insane compliment because i absolutely love amanda’s writing, and every time a writer i love also confirms that they really like my stuff it makes me feel good lol

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: the entire first 3/4 of the year, tbh!  i was in a big writing slump earlier in the year and it seemed to keep going forever, then I was super busy in the summer and simply didn’t have time.  i don’t think i hit my writing stride again until i let myself impulse-write for other fandoms.  i think that’s what i really started to realize exactly what it means to write what you love uninhibited, rather than writing what you think you should.  like. i have 10k of an angsty caswen at college fic in my drive that may never see the light of day because it’d be super long, but letting myself go to town on that with no expectations of necessarily posting it or even completing it was really healthy for me and extremely enjoyable, and it loosened all the writing mechanisms in my brain to get me back in a writing groove.

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: hmmmmm let’s see.  honestly i was most surprised to write anything for hsmtmts or cobra kai, let alone something from johnny’s pov, but for 5sos stuff i was surprised to write so much feldy.  he became a pretty big player in pas de deux and when initially planning that fic i don’t think i realized how much screen time he would have.  ashton’s characterization in when i watch the world burn was also surprising.  i didn’t know when i started writing that he would be like that.

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:  here’s a little bit of the ending of undeniable you

When Ashton fully wakes up, he can hear spring rain pattering against the roof.  The room is still blanketed in gray, but Michael is still glowing, even if Ashton only has a view of his bedhead from the way they’re cuddled together.  He shifts right before Ashton musters up the willpower to leave the comforting warmth of their bedroom and begin breakfast, as if he can sense that Ashton would rather spend the morning talking with him in appropriately hushed tones than leaving the cozy atmosphere that surrounds them.  His eyes are fuzzy and sleepy when he blinks up at him, but he smiles like he’s never been more sure of his place here.

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? i finally truly understood what it means to write for myself!!!! to write for the enjoyment of writing!!!! to stop holding myself to arbitrary standards of what fics i should be working on and how often!!!!!! this year i really let myself work on what i want when i want, and it really did wonders for me.  also, i discovered that for the most part outlining does genuinely help me

13. how do you hope to grow next year? mostly i want to continue to write what i want to write.  i want to maintain this peace and enjoyment of writing that i’ve found and continue to treat myself with kindness when it comes to this hobby and not let it become unpleasant.  that being said, i do also want to focus on individual projects more.  i think the key to ensuring these two things aren’t mutually exclusive is to find projects that i genuinely love and to add little bits in there for me to enjoy, like all of the minnesota references (and the csi miami reference) in pas de deux.

EDIT: I also want to start replying to comments this year! i might not reply to new comments on old fics just because i’d feel weird not replying to the comments before (and i have fics form 2016, so i feel like it’d be weird if i went back and replied to those) but i’ll at least reply to comments put on pas de deux onwards.

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? okay i’m going to list four (4!!!) different people.  bella @clumsyclifford and annie @carouselstars have both been extremely supportive, especially while i’ve been complaining in the club nearly every day for the past two months.  they’re always encouraging me.  i also need to give a big shout out to megs @igarbagecannoteven and gregory @doomeddiabetic for being great sounding boards! pas de deux would not have been completed without megs helping me sort things out in the very beginning, and gregory is willing to talk shop about fandoms they’re not even part of.

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? little things here and there!  it’s most prevalent in pas de deux, where i highkey projected onto both characters and forced them to exist in minneapolis.  i have been to mia and love all of the art pieces i mentioned in chapter 3. my favorite ballet is dances at a gathering.  i, like calum, must always remind people of famous minnesotans.  shayla is my favorite newscaster.  i watch csi miami and ncis when i need something mindless on in the background.  i namedropped my old tech director and ballet teacher in that one.  pas de deux is full of little hazel pieces lol

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? find what pleases you!  find what you enjoy, and don’t turn writing into a chore that you have to do, but rather a special treat to enjoy!  this doesn’t mean that it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, of course.  maybe you’re the type of writer who gets immense satisfaction from finishing a difficult piece, and that far outweighs the frustration and struggles to write it!  everyone is going to be different with figuring out what constitutes enjoyment, but that’s what helped me, at least.

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself but i really hope to finish three particular 5sos fics.  i think they could become my new favorites.  i also have a cobra kai fic that i’d love to write!  also, i really want to post at least one chapter of unmute, given that i didn’t do that this year

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:  @igarbagecannoteven, @carouselstars, @lifewasradical, @jbhmalumm, @lukemichaelcalumashton, @babush-cat if you’d like!

[daburuwosagase]

Guess I'll do a year review for the heck of it.

2022 sucked badly for me and for many loved ones (you know who you are). It's been very trying from start to finish. A lot of my coping mechanisms just did not work. There is no silver lining in losing family and friends. There were so many awful circumstances popping up without rest that left me feeling powerless. Dates are arbitrary, but I have been looking forward to the end of the year since March.

In the coming year, I want to get off the internet and go outside, get a job in the field I'm actually trained for, focus on one-on-one relationships, whatever else will make me feel like I'm progressing with my life. I've been very thankful to have physical stability all this year and last. But it's time to get back up.

Recounting all the awful stuff would just be a downer, so I'll list off the positives:

Graduated after six years! Got oodles of qualifications! Sure would be nice if an employer took notice! I worked my butt off to actually get good grades in the last semester and boost my GPA over that 3.5 threshold. I think I'd have been really frustrated if I had ended up at 3.49. So I'm proud of myself for pouring effort into my own future for once.

(Technically) finished up the biggest translation project I've ever done. I'm not taking on that much unpaid solo work ever again. But wow, I think I deserve street cred forever for that one.

Got foot surgery after four years! Now that I'm *literally* back on my feet, it's...

...actually, I'm gonna derail this post and talk candidly about that. I just did my exercises for the night and my legs are feeling great. I bounced up the stairs with a spring in my step earlier today, and moderately quickly at that. I've been able to go on walks around the neighborhood and still have strength after getting back home. I can just STAND. Back in the summer, I couldn't even stand around normally without some pain.

I'm frustrated with myself for not getting help earlier, for always thinking "yeah it was pretty bad last week but it's feeling better, so no need to call the doctor, right?", for taking so long to progress to surgery even when I finally DID see a doctor. It shouldn't have taken four goddamn years when, according to what I'm reading, surgery can be considered after six months for what I had.

If you're reading this right now and you experience chronic pain: please schedule an appointment. Don't wait for the next flareup.

Anyway, it got so bad that I just couldn't walk. The pain wasn't like constantly walking on spikes — it only felt like that for brief moments here and there, as if that's much better. But it WAS constant, and eventually would hurt even when sitting down. And I was wondering if I was going to be stuck in pain for the rest of my life, not able to go anywhere, not able to do anything about it. And I *did* give up on going outside and standing in the kitchen long enough to make a meal.

When the doctor explained surgery as an option to me, it sounded too good to be true. Nothing else had worked, yet this method was supposed to be a total cure? She made it sound pretty damn perfect though. So I scheduled a date, put my life on hold for two months, and actually started to feel hopeful. Only a month left of grinning and bearing it, only a few weeks, a few days...

...and like I thought, something just HAD to go wrong. Just like every other thing this year. One stupid false positive test and eeeverything got rescheduled, and the month-long timer got reset, and I was heartbroken. It hurt so much and I was so scared that it'd happen again.

But as you know, I *did* get the surgery. I was insanely anxious in those last three days beforehand, but by god, afterward, there was NO pain in the places where it'd been constant before. Sure, I could only crawl for two weeks, and I'm still relearning how to walk properly, but holy crap! I can move around! I can stand around aimlessly and it doesn't hurt! I could probably run, though I haven't tried! I managed to walk around for two hours on uneven ground last month and see the sights of a nearby national park, and it was beautiful and unbelievably peaceful and it's a memory I'll treasure for life. We're planning to revisit the same place next month, and while I know it won't be the same as that perfect first time, I'm still so excited for it. I can plan in advance again! I have things to look forward to again! All of this seemed impossible a few months ago!

I'm still holding my breath a little because this year has just burned me over and over again. But the groundwork has been laid for things to get better.

[pigeonsatdawn]

law school ep 15 (and solhwi overall)

gonna put in my two cents for the line that singlehandedly caused the solhwi nation to implode.

(apologies in advanced because my thoughts are too messy for me to neatly put it in a post but i want to say it anyway—also this is just the way i view solhwi so please don't come screaming at me if you disagree!)

i'm a diehard solhwi shipper and i love their relationship, and think they have one of the best relationships out there in the fictional world, and also definitely one of the healthiest. but to me, their relationship extends far beyond the romantic relationships we so often see portrayed in media.

kim beom said in one interview that this relationship between HJH and KS is kin to that of a soulmate relationship that's not necessarily romance, and i find myself agreeing with that notion. while soulmates are typically used to describe romantic partnerships, it doesn't necessarily have to start with romance. (many people have pointed this out in other posts so i won't go further down the fact that HJH x KS's relationship is a friends-to-lovers slow burn but you get me.)

but in fact, this bond between soulmates (or at least how i define it), in my opinion, is far beyond what we usually see in romance. as in, it's not just someone you like, but it's someone whose changed your life in a certain way. i know some may be averse to the idea of having to change for the one you love because loving is the notion of accepting someone in spite of the person's flaws, but what i mean is that when you love someone in this way, you want to change because of them. you see them, and they inspire you, and you grow in your own way. once again—growth is a very subjective idea, and even for HJH and KS we can see them grow in different directions—but we can clearly see how they have impacted each others' lives.

it's quite obvious, imo, how KS's life has been impacted by HJH's. she's,, not the "smartest" out there, and we can't deny that. we know she probably won't make it through law school if not for HJH's help. HJH is always there, a step ahead of KS, but he's not just being proud about it, instead opting to help her understand what the laws are and why they are the way they are, which KS especially needs, being a particularly empathic person. but we've also seen that HJH has helped KS beyond simply academics. he's always been there to protect her—almost all their interactions have proven that (the camera outside her house, the hungover soup, the switching seats—i think literally everything?..?..?.??). maybe she doesn't necessarily need protection, but surely thanks to his protection she's much better than she might've been without, especially knowing her terribly miserable life.

but i often wonder why HJH is so heart-eyes of KS of all people. i mean, i know love is love and sometimes you just catch feelings, but i believe there's more meaning behind their relationship than meets the eye. like you don't just look at someone so lovingly for it to be just a crush, y'know? the first reason that comes to mind is clearly simply KS's amicable personality. she definitely stands out: she's not that intelligent, struggling and barely surviving, but she has insane passion to pull through even despite truth attacks (like SJH saying she should reconsider her life decisions, saying that a chance of passing isn't something to be proud of, etc). she treats everything with such a positive outlook, and, well, KS is just an adorable human, so it's hard not to have a little crush her.

what makes KS stand out most, the core of her personality, is that she has hope, despite everything. she's been through shit because of her circumstances—left by her twin sister without a word, been in juvie, has no money to deal with it—you know, entire backstory. but instead she fights her weakness, even though she feel like it should've been her sister, even though she's not smart enough, because she has to do this. she keeps going, even though things keep turning out for the worse for her, holding hope when circumstances are most dire. but why? because she strives for justice. she doesn't want to be wronged. she wants the law to own up its mistakes, wants to make sure the law gets its own revenge. that's why she wants to work in law, yeah? and so she keeps fighting, even when hope seems lost.

okay but why did i mention this? because i think this is what HJH sees in KS. why? because this is what he needs.

HJH had lost hope. in an episode (i don't remember which), he mentioned he doesn't trust anyone, and it's obvious why: his uncle. it's the worst kind of betrayal that causes your ideals being burned down. he realized that even people who work in law can be corrupt, people who he thought he could trust above all others, people who seemed utterly good. and then he just begins to regard everyone with baseline amity, and no further. many have pointed out he doesn't have real friends (other than KS), even though he looks outgoing and friendly. it's not quite shown, but it must've been lonely. and a lonely fight, trying to prove that he will be a better prosecutor than his uncle was. and we know that HJH's nature as a person is to be calculating, objective, seeing things through facts and statistics; it's what makes him so intelligent. what that also makes him is realistic, and more often than not, that is almost equal to pessimistic—because reality just... sucks, as has been proven by the betrayal of his uncle. and further into the drama we see only more corrupt people in the business, so we certainly don't get out hopes fueled.

there's scarcely anyone in what we see who's actually pursuing law because they're passionate about the law, or if they are, they're not often very... human in doing it. examples: YJH, SJH, KSB are all very cold and indifferent types, people who really just come and do what they do, focus on studies (in the case of YJH, his teaching), and interactions with others are treated as "lesser". SJH and KSB in particular—they're good at the law, sure, but they seem to prioritize their position in law first and foremost. SJH and KSB don't hesitate to call out their losses, and even would rather not intervene for justice if it meant their position would be compromised. not that they're bad characters, not at all; i mentioned them simply to compare them to KS, who, despite not having the brains to do half the things she's supposed to do and earning herself nosebleeds everytime she tries, still does what she does for justice, passionately, hopefully, all for righteousness.

okay this was longer than i intended WHEW so i'll cut to the chase: long story short, HJH needs KS because KS gives him hope. hope of a humanity where people actually work in law and choose to fight for justice against all odds, even if the system itself is infiltrated by filth and corruption. KS is someone who, in her first lecture, was grilled the fuck out by Yangcrates, yet the first thing she does after she nearly throws her guts out is ask HJH whether he can tutor her. she does not ever lose hope, and that, truly, is what stands out to HJH, what he needs.

and KS needs HJH because he is her hope as well! hope by itself does no good if you can't actually do something about it, and KS knows this. HJH, despite seemingly just being someone to help her in her studies, is someone she needs if she wants to achieve her goals, if she wants to get back on the law the right way. which is why, in the end, KS and HJH are, while independent in their own way, dependent on each other in terms of their growth—KS gives HJH hope in humanity, HJH helps KS realize (make real) her hopes that would have been dreams if not for her.

oh my god i've rambled on this long without stating my point: THE DAMN LINE.

HJH saying he owes her makes sense in this light because, indeed, KS's positive outlook in everything keeps him going. it gives him a reason to keep wanting to work in law, because she is a reason to believe in goodness and justice, that there will be people who keep fighting for justice against all odds. he owes this to her—and perhaps that is why he goes all out to help her achieve that hope, perhaps that's why he goes out of his way to care for her. because they are each other's missing puzzle piece, the other half. soulmates.

sigh ok this was long ONE FINAL POINT. everyone has their own opinion on a solwhi ending, so i might as well chip in mine.

certainly, as a solhwi shipper, i want them to end up together. i believe they're really the best of soulmates, two people who just complement each other so well. but in the current timeline, them having a romantic relationship out of the blue would be,,, simply unnecessary, imo. they're still very much in the stage of friendship, and are both dealing with their own personal baggage, that shoving a romance would just take away the focus from their growth. i personally think even this platonic relationship is already a beautiful one, one that outshines many of the romances i've watched, even without having to flood everything under the romance light—which i think many can agree with me, seeing as how solhwi is shipped so much. i still want to see them end up together, though, so SEASON TWO LAW SCHOOL MANIFESTATION. please please please directors writers make it happen i am begging you. thank you.

sorry for this long ass post, thank you if you do read it and leave any thoughts! again this is just my opinion, you're free to let me know if you think differently or anything, or shoot me a message if you want to scream about solhwi or whatever i'm just solhwi brainrot 24/7 🤸🏻‍♀️

[makeste]

BnHA Vol. 29 Cover Reaction Post: Emergency Can't-Wait-Till-Tomorrow Edition

so thanks to reddit, which has a spoiler-free post dedicated to the volume 29 cover leak, I was able to check out the cover image without being spoiled for anything in tomorrow’s chapter. now, I knew chapter 285 was going to be in this volume, so I was expecting something Bakugou-centric from the get-go. I was not, however, expecting Horikoshi to launch a fucking grenade of feels at me without warning! but that’s just how the man rolls I guess.

anyway, the cover isn’t a spoiler for anyone who’s read up to chapter 285, but I’ll put the image and the rest of this post under a cut just in case.

rarely have I witnessed such a casually devastating flex of one man’s ability to annihilate an entire fandom with feels. simply brutal. set phasers to ‘curled up in a fetal position’

I cannot believe he chose this scene. this scene, again. I didn’t sign up to have my weaknesses so viciously exploited like this. oh wait but actually I did

imagine taking a dozen years to figure out that your best friend literally just wanted to help you and make sure that you were okay because he loves you, and that in response you were all “IS THIS THE ULTIMATE AFFRONT TO MY HONOR?” and spent the next decade wanting to kick his ass. smdh

and now imagine that the dumbass who did all of that is also your favorite character, like seriously he is your favorite SO MUCH, and his relationship with that other kid is also your favorite ever. so what does that say about you. congratulations, you stan the world’s most emotionally dense person!!

but also imagine how proud you would be of said emotionally dense dumbass for finally figuring it out though. jfkdk I need to hug him, STAND ASIDE

there is just. so much regret in this one image that it’s just insane to me?? look at his face??? just imagine how much he must be berating himself. “why couldn’t you have just accepted it when it really mattered. why did you have to go and ruin everything. he just wanted to help you.” ffff

and that’s ten years they can never get back. ten years of pain he caused. ten years he can never undo. look at him. he’s not four anymore. Deku is still a child in this image, but Katsuki is sixteen going on seventeen here. all grown up. because he can’t turn things back no matter what. he can’t undo it. the child Katsuki never accepted Deku’s hand. and now the almost-grown Katsuki wants to more than anything, but it’s too late. he can still take the almost-grown Deku’s hand! but this child Deku’s hand, it’s forever out of reach to him. this child Deku will grow up lonely and sad and hurting because of the person who should have been his friend. and Katsuki cannot take that back, and I cannot get over this, this is fully destroying me right now. jesus.

but there is also hope there! because there is growth! there is maturity! there is acceptance! he knows what he’s done. he’s trying to change. he’s trying to be a better person. and he’s trying to be a better person for Deku’s sake. flkdslkhl I am really out here letting myself be murdered by some cover artwork because I can’t stop being dramatic about it. wouldn’t choose any other way to go

no amount of words can begin to express the array of feels that I have over the fact that “Bakugou Katsuki: Rising” -- his moment of becoming a true hero, his moment of ascendance where we catch a glimpse of that person he is going to be someday -- is now forever linked to this image of him looking with regret at Deku’s hand. the two of them are just so... intertwined. Horikoshi never gave us that “you’re my image of saving” moment with Kacchan like he did with Deku and his image of victory, but it’s there all the same, isn’t it

basically what I’m trying to say here is that yet again, Deku is at the core of it. just like he’s at the core of every other fucking thing Katsuki ever does. this is my all-time dynamic folks. this here is what it’s all about. STEP ONE: “BAKUGOU KATSUKI: RISING.” STEP TWO: [PUTS DEKU ON THE COVER]. STEP THREE: PROFIT/UGLY CRYING

I’m almost mad that there wasn’t a scene like this in the actual manga now. I need Bones to make sure this makes it into the anime somehow. maybe in one of the opening or ending themes. but they gotta do it. make it happen

notice that for these really dramatic moments, Horikoshi is clearly aware that the grenade gauntlets are too ridiculous, and so he’s gotten rid of the one on Katsuki’s left hand for no reason. yeah that’s right, I see you there. just do it permanently you coward

and he’s not wearing the mask either for that matter. Horikoshi you clearly understand aesthetics then, so why?! such a fucking troll

Deku’s lil four-year-old cheek is so chubby... gotta pinch it. it’s a primal urge. wittle cheeks

he also needs a hug. fuck. it’ll be okay baby Deku. you’ve just gotta wait TEN WHOLE YEARS and then All Might will show up and it’ll all be good. nothing to worry about but all of your bones being broken and the League of Villains trying to murder you and all of your friends. :’) why did I start reading this manga again

anyway so this is ROUGH. I AM SWEPT UP IN IT. I AM DESPAIRING lmao. oh man. but it’s like... it’s a deep sorrow, but it’s also a good, cathartic sorrow as well. powerful, soul-cleansing feels. that’s the good stuff right there

anyway so I’m in ruins, but it’s nice. Crust gives this cover two thumbs up. bless

[johaerys-writes]

Writing Tag Game

I was tagged by @noire-pandora @midnightprelude @mogwaei @serial-chillr @faerieavalon @pinkfadespirit @inquisitoracorn and @in-arlathan thank you so much! :)

How many works do you have on Ao3?

On my main Ao3 blog: 23! I also have a second blog where I post works set in the Dragon Age-inspired Modern AU I've been writing with @oftachancer , featuring my OC Tristan Trevelyan and her OC Aran Trevelyan, as well as a few others of our OCs. There are 5 works there at the moment. You can check them out here: jo_writes

What's your total Ao3 wordcount?

On my main blog, 516,722 words. On my second blog, 193,953 words, but the majority of it is co-written with @oftachancer .

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

High-Flying Birds: 589 kudos (TSOA)

Where Blood Roses Bloom: 467 kudos (Castlevania)

Winter's Fruit: 424 kudos (TSOA)

Like Friends Do: 410 kudos (TSOA)

Memories and Echoes: 327 kudos (TSOA)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always!! I don't think there's a single comment I've ever received that I've left unanswered. I just love talking with my readers and screeching in my replies. I often wonder whether I come across as a tiny bit insane or overly enthusiastic, but you know what? I am both, so who cares 😂 I just appreciate every single person that has taken the time to read and comment on my works, and I want to make sure they know JUST HOW MUCH 

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I honestly don't think that many of my stories have an angsty ending? Most of them end on a hopeful or at least bittersweet note, I think. I'm pretty sure the only ones I've written that have sad endings were those in my Hector/Carmilla series, You Always Hurt The Ones You Love (CV) which were kind of dark and depressing anyway. 

Playground Love, the fic I've written with @oftachancer featuring our OCs Tristan and Aran ends on an angsty note, but things do get better in the next installment, Never Let Me Go, so I suppose I am a little allergic to angsty endings XD

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The Stars Will Guide Us Home (TSOA, Modern AU) has a super soft and fluffy ending, and Fall Into Your Tide (TSOA, Merman AU) will have a happy ending too.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written? 

I've written a Witcher/Dragon Age crossover, Viper In Tall Grass, where Tristan is a witcher and Dorian a Nilfgardian mage which I thoroughly enjoyed! Also, one of the first long fics I ever finished was a Witcher/Wheel of Time crossover, which I think is genuinely the most... imaginative thing I've written 😂 I never posted it and don't think I will, but I still love it to bits and I'm super proud of myself for writing it. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic? 

Kind of? It wasn't directed at me personally (I don't think) but at one of the main characters of the fic. Perhaps it was referring to the way I'd written the particular character, I truly can't say, it was a little vague. It takes a lot to offend me, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I honestly think I would have been less offended if the person had criticised my writing rather than the character lol. I just don't take any shit when it comes to the characters I love. They're PERFECT, okay? How dare you come into my house and badmouth them 😂 RUDE

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell YEAH! I love writing smut, it's great. As to what kind, I think that porn with feelings describes it really well. The smut I write tends to get emotional real quick, even when I intended for it to be straight up porn, so I guess there's no hope for me, hah. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 

Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Yes, High-Flying Birds has been translated into Vietnamese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! With oftachancer, two novel-length fics (Playground Love and Never Let Me Go), as well as a few other WIPs that haven't been posted yet, and I'm currently working on a multi-chap fic with my friendo @in-arlathan , featuring Dorian/Tristan and Solas with her Elenara Lavellan, which I'm so excited about! I've also brainstormed and goblined-out over a couple projects with @mogwaei !!  I love co-writing, it's so fun :)

What's your all time favourite ship?

Oooh, that's a tough one. I'm super biased in that the ships I love are those I write (both canon and OC pairings) but if you held a gun to my head and asked me to choose I would probably have to say... Dorian/Tristan and Achilles/Patroclus? AAH this is too hard ;w;

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I do plan on finishing all of the WIPs I am currently working on. I have a lot of writing ideas that I don't think I'll ever get around to, but when I actually start writing something I tend to commit till the end.

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptions, introspection and angsty/emotional scenes I think are my favourite things to write. I also enjoy writing fight scenes a little too much (and judging by the feedback I receive on them people seem to enjoy them too, heh). Lastly, I've been told that the characters I write are complex and fleshed out and that my pacing is good, and that's honestly the best praise for me.

What are you writing weaknesses?

I struggle quite a lot with self doubt and perfectionism. I worry a lot about how my work will be perceived and whether it's good enough. I often agonise over small details or paragraphs/sentences, to the point where I sometimes post just so I stop myself from going back and editing indefinitely. I have thousands upon thousands of words in deleted scenes because "they weren't quite right" or I changed a tiny bit and the rest didn't fit. So. You get the idea 😅 (Now, how I manage to read through everything multiple times before posting yet still get typos... welp)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Hmm, I have to say that I do like it when there are foreign words interspersed through the narrative if the story isn't set in an English speaking world or if the characters speak a different language, but I'm not a huuuge fan of seeing a big chunk of dialogue in a foreign language without immediate translation or a hovering text. It kind of breaks the immersion for me and I tend to avoid it generally in my own writing.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age, and specifically DAI! That game never gets old for me.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

It's impossible for me to pick just one so I'm going to cheat and choose a few. I absolutely love my current WIPs: High-Flying Birds, Where Blood Roses Bloom and A World With You, and the freaking epic-length fics I've written with @oftachancer . They haven't always been easy to write (especially AWWY, which has the most intricate plot & character development) but I'm so proud of them and I've learned so much while writing them. Of my finished stories, The Stars Will Guide Us Home is hands down one of my all time faves. It had been on my mind for several months before I actually wrote it, and I poured so much of my heart into it. I still get emotional when I go back to reread it, not gonna lie! Lastly, At The Water's Edge (TSOA) is very dear to me and I often go back for rereads. 

I'm tagging forth to (no pressure!): @fancytrinkets @elveny @glimmerofgold @asiriushoe @juliafied @boshtet-juggler @schattengerissen @dafan7711 @tessa1972 @fandomn00blr @pikapeppa and anyone else who would like to join!

[gentil-minou]

2021 Creator Self-Love Extravaganza!

Tagged by @randowwriter (This is actually really sweet and exactly what I needed so thank you for tagging me <3)

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2021. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

This is actually kinda hard cause I only wrote 7 fics (or started anyways) but I am kinda excited to go through them. I only started writing again back in November and when I think about the progress I made in just two months, I'm filled with all sorts of joy and excitement

Batter Up, Buttercup - PRPR post Glaciator 2, WIP

I still can't believe this fic gave me the courage to write and share my insane ideas. I started with a few scenes that I just couldn't get out of my head so I tapped into my notes app and then it grew from there. I'm so excited to continue this fic because I get to play with some of my fave tropes and explore things I've always wanted to read about, and yeah, I'm super excited.

Soft Like Sunshine - Anxious Marinette fic, during Ephemeral (WIP)

Literally a labor of love that causes me great pain yet tremendous joy when writing. I will put it down for weeks and think of it as trash but at the same time, it feels the most me, you know? I genuinely think I out part of myself into this fic and it helped me explore my own anxieties. I'm still kind of bummed about how it hasn't done as well as my other fics, but I think I'm reaching a point where if it doesn't that's okay. It's a hard fic to read, almost as hard as it was to write, but I'm glad I got to explore a different writing style about a topic I love. I'm on the home stretch now, getting the climax done and I'm excited to share it with everyone! The comments I have gotten tell me a few people resonate with it, and that's all I wanted.

Fool Me Twice, Shame on YOU - Ephemeral Reveal (Oneshot)

Another Epheral fic! I gotta thank the anon who suggested Chat thinking it was all an elaborate plot by Mothman. I still can't believe I wrote it all in one sitting, but it was so much fun to write! I was smiling the whole time! I still reread it sometimes and laugh at what I wrote, it was just so fun! It was also the fic that made me realize I'm supposed to like reading what I write. So yeah, an extra special place in my heart.

Sentiadrien Theory as a Narrative for Trauma Healing - Meta

Am I including a meta? Yes, yes I am. I'm so incredibly proud of this meta. For one, it was the first time I had been able to discuss my ideas of psychology in ML. For another, it actually helped people!!!!! I still can't believe I was able to provide comfort to folks who struggled with this theory, and for that I'm so incredibly excited and grateful, especially to the folks at the gamma squad because I wrote it out for them first and they all showered me with praise. I'm glad I was able to provide some comfort for people, it's all I ever want to do.

Blanc Out - WIP, not published

For the last one, I bring up an idea I've been thinking about since the summer. It's a Chat Blanc AU. As Adrien finds himself getting closer and more in love with Marinette, he finds himself getting grey hair too. He starts to lose time, periods where he blacks out and all the while his hair begins to turn snow white as he deals with his confusing feelings for Marinette. Meanwhile, Marinette gets a nightly visitor, in the form of her chaton....but something is different about him...

I'm sooooooo excited about this fic. I'd been thinking about it for AGES and now I'm actually in the planning stages. It's a long long way away from getting posted, but this is partially the reason why I've been practicing and trying new styles. I want to improve to a place where that fic is something I can be excited to share. I also get to write about my favorite concept in ML and it's just ahhhhhh I can't wait!

Again, thanks for the tag!!!

Tagging: @sketchy-panda @thesquipproject @sparklylovegiver @coccinelle-et-chaton @dandelionrumpancake @ladyofthenoodle @karkalicious769 @alexseanchai @galahadwilder @cardcq @inimoo

and honestly, anyone else who is looking for some positivity (I consider your original works part of this ;) )!!!! This gave me loads and now I'm gonna go and write more of SLS :)