#anyway sorry for the special interest rant heh

[tearfulangel]

i got an ace with my flower gun in the game i play ໒꒰ྀི മ ̫ മ ꒱ྀིა

[glameowr]

I'll bite. What's the deal with Clint from Stardew? I wanna hear this rant

oh god okay this is gonna be long im sososo sorry. also most of it is points i got from the youtuber leapalot that i agree with

most of why i dont like clint comes down 2 his weird obsession with emily …

- clint stays at the saloon until 12:00 on most days. i dont think its bc hes an alcoholic like pam but i think its bc hes watching emily the whole time (emily works at the saloon until 12:30)

- at the festival of ice hes making a snowman and says “emily started helping me without any provocation … does that mean something? *gulp*” then emily says something like “wow this snowman needs a serious makeover … who made this?” which is just really funny 2 me

- during clints 3 heart event he says: “im a nice guy if you get 2 know me i swear!” ok classic incel line … after you give him advice on how 2 treat women he tries and fails 2 ask out emily and says “sigh im doomed” … youre DOOMED bc you cant ask out emily ??? this might be a reach but i dont think he should put his whole future happiness in the hands of 1 person

- clints 6 heart event: HES WATCHING EMILY FROM THE BUSHES. COOL WOW. hes waiting 4 emily 2 stop talking 2 caroline, but you convince him 2 go ask her out by threatening 2 stop upgrading your tools, so he does ask her out (but she obviously still thinks of him as a friend)

- emilys 8 heart event: so during this event emily is doing a clothing therapy thing at the mayors house (id loveee 2 rant abt mayor lewis also) when clint comes out in his outfit he chose she says “awww cute” and he doesnt like that (ig he wanted 2 be called sexy or something idk) so then emily expresses her romantic interest in you, then clint comes back in the house like “ahhh im 2 embarrassed 2 wear this outfit”. then, he sees you and emily and says “congrats *player name*” so he doesnt congratulate emily … ??? he really doesnt think of her as a friend in the slightest if he isnt happy 4 her or cares about her happiness if it doesnt have 2 do with him. its like he thinks of her as a prize 2 be won or something …

- at 8+ hearts with emily, she can say “i think clints mad at me, he doesnt look at me anymore … i always thought we were friends” so he just ignores her when he realizes she will never like him romantically ??? jesus christ dude

heres some stuff that doesnt have 2 do with emily:

- hes just generally gloomy and not fun 2 talk 2. like im sorry your family made you eb a blacksmith but its not really fun hearing you constantly complain abt how boring your life is

- at ginger island he can say “oh no … i forgot 2 clip my toenails” wow gross thanks clint

- at the dance of the moonlight jellies he says something like “i wore my special shoes tonight and no body noticed” nobody cares about your special shoes clint we’re all here 2 see the beautiful natural event that happens once a year sorry and also you dont talk 2 any body and have no friends besides emily and the farmer so who would notice anyway

- um ok so something that is kinda creepy is if you buy the telephone and call clint 2 ask when hes open something he can say is “hello? oh … *player name* … your voice sounds really nice over the phone …” then after telling you when he closes he SLAMS down the phone, probably embarrassed over what he said

- (THIS NEXT THING ONLY HAPPENS IF YOURE A GIRL FARMER BTW) so if you invite him 2 the movie theatre, in the lobby he said “oh .. a … are we on a date then?” NO ??? then during the movie he drinks from his flask so he gets drunk and he says “*whispers* … if youre um … tired … you can put your head on my … my shoulder. heh … or not!” NO THANKS IM GOOD. then after the movie he says “hey … that was kind of fun … right?” no not really. and if youre a male farmer he just complains the whole time and says the movie was alright.

tldr: clint is a gloomy, creepy incel with no friends who acts like emily is some prize that is the key 2 his happiness and completely ignores her and plays the victim card when she doesnt like him romantically. i can understand if he has social anxiety, especially since his family pushed him 2 be a blacksmith but i dont think its an excuse 4 how he treats women.

[dokoni-mo]

It’ll Help || Darth Vader x Reader (Blurb)

(A/N: Hi yes so It’s 2 AM and it’s one of those nights were I know i just won’t be able to sleep anytime soon. I’m also feeling somewhat,, lonely. Anyway, this was floating around in my head for a hot minute, and I thought it might be good to write it down. This is based on Far Away, Together (which is, if you’re new here, my Vader x Reader series,,, I’ll link the first chapter here. This is also not really canon to the story,, but take it as you will. Enjoy!)

(P.S.: I didn’t proofread this much at all so please pardon any mistakes!! :’’’’) ) 

Warnings: None! Just some slight cursing

Key: (F/N) = first name 

Word Count: ~2000

~~~

It was well past active hours for you. But, there you were anyway, hammering away on Lord Vader’s broken TIE. 

From even that morning, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to sleep. Word had spread quickly around the mess hall that morning of a leading development in the Empire’s most prised project. 

The Death Star. 

The Empire had just recently acquired the last crystal it needed in order for the lazer to fire. This meant that soon enough, that giant ball of certain doom could rain down terror on any unsuspecting planet, like a sitting duck. Everyone seemed to have somewhat of the same opinion on the matter. The Death Star was great! A fine example of empirical strength. It will strike fear in the hearts of every enemy that the Empire has. 

You both agreed and disagreed. 

Yes, that giant orb of certain death was terrifying. The power to destroy a planet in a matter of minutes? Who wouldn’t be scared? 

But was this thing a good idea to build in the first place? No. Not at all. 

You had to give credit where credit was due, however. The idea of this was good in theory, but you knew better. This Death Star would prove to cause more problems than anything. Once the rebellion knew of it’s existence, there was going to be no stopping them from trying to destroy it. They would attack that thing every damn day. This meant that solutions to problems would be delayed because the Empire would be too busy trying to protect its precious circle. This also meant that the Empire would lose many lives unnecessarily. You would never admit it, but you respected the stromtroopers immensely, and it saddened you to see them die for no reason when all they were trying to was put food on the table. 

You were lucky enough to be working in Lord Vader’s personal hangar when the news broke. This meant that no one would pester you to give up your thoughts to them, not knowing that what you would tell them would be a lie. You would never openly admit your dislike for the Death Star. This would almost certainly have you arrested and sent into reconditioning. 

Late into the night, when you could have sworn that you were the only one left awake, you almost jumped when you heard a sound. Pushing your goggles up your forehead, you turned your head to meet the source of the sound. The sound of heavy boots and the whirr of a respirator. 

“Good evening, Lord Vader.” you said to the sith as he drew nearer to your station, his cape fluttering behind him, “How may I help you?” 

Lord Vader’s cape covered his strong arms as he spoke to you, allowing him to assume his trademark silhouette. If you didn’t have the glaze of tiredness fuzzing your mind, you should have been scared shitless. 

“(F/N),” Lord Vader rumbled out, his mask pointed downward to you, “I hope you are aware that it is well past your active hours.”

You set down your tools before responding, “Yes, my Lord, I am aware. I just...” 

Lord Vader tilted his armor-clad head as he waited for you to finish. 

“I... can’t sleep. So I thought... you know...” you sighed, your gaze faltering. 

A silence filled the air as Lord Vader processed your answer. He certainly didn’t expect that. 

“I see.” was all he said, not knowing what else to. 

You responded almost too quickly, “I-I’m sorry, my Lord, i-if there’s nothing you need from me I’ll just-” 

“That is quite alright, (F/N).” Lord Vader rumbled out before you could stammer and blubber any longer, “I will leave you to your work.” 

With that, he turned on his heel to the opposite direction, taking a few steps to exit through the door. 

Watching him leave, you felt... sad. You didn’t know why, but you didn’t want him to go just yet. 

You must have been more tiredly delusional than you had originally thought, your following actions surprising you. 

“M-My Lord, wait!” you called out. 

To your surprise, he actually stopped, throwing his gaze over his shoulder to acknowledge your tiny frame. 

“Why... Why are you here? I mean- Why are you awake too?” 

You must have really felt bold that night. If you were anyone else, you would have been shaking in your boots for questioning the dark lord. 

He must have been too tired to choke you to death that night. 

“I have been unable to rest as well. I sensed that you were suffering the same fate.” said Lord Vader. 

“Oh...” you mumbled out, throwing your gaze to the floor. 

Picking your gaze back up, you shot him an awkward half-smile. 

“Would you... like to talk for a moment, my Lord? To pass the time?” 

A long pause. You bit your lip. Had you been too friendly? Too demanding? You feared that you just ruined everything you had built with the sith. 

You were relieved when he turned back to you and looked at you. 

“That would be... enjoyable.” he said. 

Your smile widening, you dusted off your hands as you walked over to a small crate on the floor. Opening the crate, you pulled out two canteens of water, extending one out to the sith and holding one to your chest. 

“Feel free to sit anywhere you wish, my Lord. You do own the place.” you teased, your own special way of inviting him in. 

Staring at you for a moment, Lord Vader slowly but surely stomped lugged his boots over to you, the height difference between you and him growing as he drew closer. Once he was close enough, he took the canteen of water from your outstretched hand, pointing his mask down a the tiny thing in his large hands. After a long moment of inspecting the object, he pointed his mask back to your face. 

“You do know that I cannot consume this, correct?” Lord Vader asked. 

You giggled at this as you seated yourself on the floor, your back against one of the crates that lined your station. 

“I know,” you responded, “but it’ll help you get in the talking mood. 

Lord Vader looked at you a long moment before taking a seat on a nearby crate. You were quite the... oddity, to him. He had never seen such bravery yet such... kindness before in an imperial recruit. It was almost refreshing. 

The sight of Lord Vader sitting down as not new to you, but was still very odd to you. You looked up at him as you took a swig from your canteen, pleased to see that he was still holding his. 

“I heard about the development in the Death Star.” you said to him, breaking the ice. 

His shoulders stiffened at this. 

“I do not wish to be reminded of that monstrosity.” Lord Vader said, his voice sharp. 

You nearly choked on your water. 

“You don’t like the Death Star, my Lord?” 

“No.” he responded. 

You smiled up at him. 

“Wow,” you breathed out, “I’m shocked,  I... I thought I was the only one.” 

This has certainly piqued his interest. He tilted his head to the side as he looked down at you. Looking up at him, you could tell he wanted an explanation without him even needing to say anything. 

“Don’t get me wrong, my Lord. I can appreciate the Death Star was a work of engineering,” you said, turning your canteen in your hands as you looked down at him, “but it as a thing... I don’t think the Empire made the right move. The Death Star is a terrifying weapon. The power to destroy a planet that quickly? Heh, who wouldn’t be scared... But that’s just the problem. The rebellion will be so scared that they’ll attack that... thing, every damn day. The people working there will be too busy trying to fight them off to get anything done. In my opinion, my Lord, the only thing that the Death Star will be able to do is cause problems.” 

Lord Vader had nearly thought that he had finally lost his mind. He could not believe what the being before him was letting fall out from behind her lips. To openly criticize the Empire right in front of him? This was something that he had never seen before. He should have killed you right then. In fact, he was supposed to do so, by order of his master. 

Yet... he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of it, even. 

Hearing your words, a sense came upon Lord Vader that he had not felt for so very long...

Connection. 

For the first time in what felt like ages, he was able to... relate to another being, and connect with them. 

It was almost too much to bear. 

He didn’t realize how long he had taken to respond before he spoke again. 

“I... agree, with you, (F/N).” Lord Vader said. 

You were surprised to say the least, shooting your gaze back up to him. 

“You do, my Lord?”

“Yes...” he responded, looking down at the canteen in his large, gloved hands, “The Death Star will only cause problems for the Empire, and...” 

You listened to him talk for a good long while with a small smile on your face, your ears trained on every word. For some odd reason, a sense of peace and tranquility came over you as you listened to him ramble on and on about how much he hated the Death Star. You found it almost funny. 

You tried to stay awake as best you could to listen, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of your eyelids growing heavier and heavier as the sense of relaxation swallowed you whole. 

“What do you think of this, (F/N)?” he asked you once he was finally done with his long rant. Pausing to hear your response, he was confused when you said nothing for a long moment. 

“(F/N), I asked you a question.” He pressed. Greeted again with nothing in return, he allowed his gaze to be ripped away from the canteen you gave him to instead settle on your face. 

What he saw was highly unexpected. 

Your head was tilted downwards and to the side, your eyes closed and your lips slighly parted. Your lashes gently following the curve of your cheek, he noticed how a lock of your hair had fallen in your face, casting a shadow upon it. Watching your chest rise and fall a moment, he was finally able to process what he was seeing. 

You had fallen asleep. 

As much as he wanted to be angry at this, he couldn’t find the strength inside of him to do so. The way you had just looked so peaceful sitting there asleep... it struck an old, dusty chord deep within him. 

He had no idea what it was. 

He had no idea what overtook him as he rose to his feet. 

He had no idea what overtook him as he removed his cape from around his shoulders. 

He had no idea what overtook him as he draped his cape across your body, blanketing you within it. 

Without him realizing it, he hoped that it would help you keep warm in the cold, lifeless hangar.

Looking at you a moment, he shifted his gaze down to the canteen in his hand. He had almost forgotten that he was still holing onto it, yet gazing into the reflective surface, the image of you holding it out to him with a smile plagued his mind. 

He didn’t know why that image projected itself to him, but he refused to block it out for some time. 

He could have sworn that the shiny surface of the canteen had the same twinkle in its surface as there was in your brilliant, vibrant eyes. 

It’ll help you get in the talking mood, you had said. 

And you were right. 

Attaching the canteen to his belt, he sat back down upon the crate, resting his hands upon his knees as he looked down at your sleeping body, covered by the fabric of his cape. 

He figured he could stay a little while longer to meditate while you slept. 

That way, he would know that you would be warm, even for just a little while. 

In that moment, he didn’t want anything more. 

~~~

TAGS: @captainrexstan​ , @robin-obsessed​ @missmannequin​

[amenomiko]

What Being Like A Girl Feels Like

There's one time when the Warlords went to the future with MC, and every time he observed what the women in the future do, or what MC has been wearing on her face, or maybe even the curiosity when they talk about a women's multi task as a wife and also as a mother would be..

MC asked if he would like to try to be like a girl in a day. He be like "Meh / Nah / That's ridiculous." at first, but eventually he agreed when MC said "Oh well, it would be interesting to me on how you can adapt to it." with a shrug.

Nobunaga - Wearing a Bra

"Heh. Only this one piece of cloth? Alright."

"Wh- you want me to wear this plastic--"

He frowned to the fake silicon boobs that MC make him wear before giving him a bra to cover it.

"It's okay, just wear a mask or sunglasses, they will just think you are a-"

"Don't say it..!"

He were given a task to buy some groceries by MC. Hmph. Just a few walks away from her apartment, this would be easy........ It's closed.

Then he have no choice but to go to the town.... Closed.

Fine..! There's one near the station. He is glad he knows the way..! Closed.

"Why, me, the Demon King.. Has.. To.. Do.. This..!" He huffed with a gritting teeth as he take a breath when he walk up the stairs. Just how the women in this world manage to bring this heavy thing around their chest to wherever they go??

As he came back, he let out a long sigh of relief when MC helped him to unbuckle his bra and silicon breasts.

After that he hugged MC so tight, saying "I respect you." While massaged on the shoulder by her.

Hideyoshi - Heels

"Oh? Walk around this while I multitasking? Alright, this will be easy."

Not.

Everytime he move around, he will slip and fall. Slip and fall. Like a baby deer about to walk on its own legs.

He trembled whenever he move his feet, one after another.

"Hideyoshi..! I need help with this book- kya..!"

"M-MC?? WHAT'S WRONG??"

Despite trembling like crazy, he managed to move his feet into a quick pace. But halfway through, he is wheezing.

Just how those working women that he saw at the streets can run and walk fast in this shoes??

"M-MC..I'm.. Coming- OOF!"

He fell near the door, bumping on the door knob in the process.

Apparently MC let out a surprised sound just now because one of the books in her arms fell to the side when she tried to carry it.

That night, she dab a cold cloth on his swollen ankles with a giggle. "Hehehhe good job."

"...It's not a laughing matter ( T ʖ̯ T).." He rub his own swollen forehead.

Masamune - Being Pregnant

MC borrowed a fake silicone belly, a silicone that is specially made so it is heavy like the 3rd trimester pregnant belly.

"Oooh.. Not bad." He wink to himself in the mirror. "I look sexy. Heheh."

"Alright. Help me with the chores, I will be--"

"Go go, I'm doing just fine~~" He smirked to her, waving her off.

The moment she finally went on her way, he turned to the living room. "Okay..! Let's start. Oh."

He smiled to the pile of clothes on the floor. "I was very rough indeed 😏."

"Oof-"

He feels very heavy the moment he tried to bend down.

"Ehh okay, let's try that again-" He winced to the pain in his waist. "Oookay. How about this one- uh- wh- I can't see the floor-- gah this belly is too big-- wa--!!"

He rolled on the floor like a watermelon. "....Nevermind. I will just- oof! M-my waist..! Nnnh!" He growled in each and every movements. "Okay.. Phew..! I guess I will eat lunch first."

He didn't. It was hard for him to eat as the belly boink away his plate. Each time he move forward towards the table, the plate move further and further away from him.

Drip. Drip. "Ah crap..! The clothes outside--! Mmmf--" He tried to look down to wear the outdoor shoes but to no avail. "Dammit!!"

At the end of the day, MC find a gloomy Masamune in the middle of the room. She had to help with the chores, feed him dinner, and listen to his rants of how bad the day was to him.

"I swear I won't let you do all those stupid chores when you are pregnant!" He said it while hugging her tightly.

Ieyasu - Charcoal Mask

"I don't understand why you women wanted to ruin your skin with this.. thing that we usually use to make fire."

He sigh as he mumbled "You are more than beautiful, why do you even need this-- wh- I'm just-...!"

Both of them were blushing for a while, until Ieyasu covered it with cough. "S-so. I have to wear and wait til it dry and take it off? That's surprisingly easy. Fine."

As he applied the mask all over his face, (scrunching his face to how he look like), he wait and wait and grow impatient. "How many more I have to wait?" He grunts.

"Another 20 minutes, Ieyasu. Let it dry naturally alright? Don't force it to dry so much or else you will regret it later..!" She shouted from the other room, followed by a giggle.

Nope. 20 minutes? N O P E. He glances to the hand fan next to him and starts to fan his face. "Hmh what's there to regret for?" After a few minutes of fanning, he smirked to himself. "See, all is left is to peel-"

He couldn't take it off.

"....Shit..!"

"Ieyasu..? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine..! Don't bother!!" Shit! The moment he shouted back the pain gets stronger.

MC eyes widen when there is a lot of sound coming from the bathroom with "Shit shit shit shit fuck this shit shit shit..!!!"

She is worried. And so she stopped in whatever she was doing and quickly rush to the bathroom.

"Ieyasu, are you ok-"

He turned around with half of the mask peeled off his face "..what-"

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA OAO!!!!!! Ugh--"

She fainted.

"MC!!!!!"

That night, she has been sobbing into his arms with "I'm sorry uguu I'm sorry.. QAQ~~". "Shh.. It's fine.." Ieyasu has been patting her head to calm her down while the other rub the aloe vera gel on his red face.

Mitsunari - Lipstick

He observed on how MC applied her lipstick, asking "Wow.. What is this called?"

"This is a lipstick. Easier to wear than a lip gloss."

"What is a lip gloss?"

"This one. It's makes your lips glossier, except its like a lipstick in a liquid form. Want to try?"

"Okay!"

MC hand him a pink lip gloss and move to the other room after that.

So he apply and apply and apply. Layer after layer.

"Hehehe they won't realize because you are pretty like a girl..! Let's go, Mitsunari." MC grabbed his hand, didn't bother checking on his lips because to her it looks beautiful. Until...

She ordered a drink at the cafe they were having lunch for.

"Awww you look so gorgeous, Mitsunari--"

She sipped her tea and flabbergasted when Mitsunari revealed his PINK TEETH.

"PPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!"

His face is showered with tea now.

MC? Choking on her meal and were rushed to the hospital in instant.

Not to mention the doctor nearly had a heart attack when Mitsunari explained to him what had happened.

Mitsuhide - Eyelashes and Mascara

"So you put the glue here.."

"Wait- Mitsuhide-- that is too mu-"

Too late, he already put it on. Upside down. He slowly opened his eyes and smirked to the mirror. "You women are so quirky. This looks... Unique."

"I would like to say thank you for choosing a kind adjectives, but you are the one who make it that way yourself."

"Now onward to this mascara thing-" He opened his eyes widely (nearly give heart attack to MC who mumbles 'That's not necessary actually... Hey did you hear me..?')

He accidentally poke his own eye. "Ahaha.. Ouch. That's kind of.. Hm." He tried again "Oh- hmhm not bad. This mascara thing is such a tease like you, little mouse."

"No, that is you."

Kenshin - Eyeliner

"Alright, I've done your left eye, now you do your right eye by yourself okay?"

"Hmh. From what I observe you doing it, this is easy."

Yeah right.

He applied, and applied. "This seems imbalance.." He applied again. "Hmm this is too short..." And "Hmm the 'wing' thing is too low--"

DING DONG! "Delivery~~!!"

"Oh, Kenshin~ could you get it for me? I'm cooking right now~"

"Hmh."

He put down the eyeliner, not bothering to check on himself in the mirror and so when he opened the door...

"Good morning, Sir, this is your packa- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH \(OAO)/!!!!" The delivery man fainted, forming a foam from his mouth.

MC rushed to the door, "Kenshin? I heard a scream-- HOLY MOTHER OF EYELINERS--"

Imagine his left eye is pretty, while the other is like the make up of WWE Wrestler. Yeah, like that.

Shingen - Corset

"This is what you use to shape your body? My, my, goddess, I can always "shape" you whenever we have se--"

**SLAP**

"Anyway." He smirked to the corset in his hand (with a hand red mark on his cheek nonetheless), "Let's wear this shall we?"

"Oh correction. Who said that you are going to wear modern corset hmm (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)?"

"Eh ( ͡^ ͜ʖ ͡^)?"

Later.... Shingen were smacking on the sofa, wheezing from the massive tightness around his waist "M-MC..! H-HAVE MERCY-- *GASSSPPP*"

She pulled the rope so tight with a giggle. "Hehehehehe this is fun isn't it (ू•ᴗ•ू❁) ❤❤❤~~? This is how we became sexy, Shingen~ I bet you can't even have a bite of your dessert. I shall present this to Yukimura." (She made him wear the victorian era's corset)

"N-no..! Forgive me..! Anything but that..!"

Yukimura - Lace Panties

"Wh- wh- wh O//////O???"

"D-don't be ridiculous..! I won't wear this.. this.. Piece of... Transparent see through-- GAH!!"

"My you are not a virgin anymore but your way of saying is virgin, Yuki ( ͡°з ͡°)."

"Shut it stupid-- GAH DON'T STRIP ME! AAHHH STOP!!" He shrieked like a girl when MC stripped his pants and made him wear it.

"Okay, let's go..!"

He couldn't stop MC on time and now he is wriggling, blushing to the itchiness down there. "D-damn it.. MC..!!!"

"Yes?"

"Y-you.. Damn you..!"

"Psst. They will see the "shape" if you move a lot you know?"

"S-SHAPE?? WHAT SHAPE O//////O??"

"The line of the underwear, silly. Pffft. What do you think?"

"GUHHHH!!!" His face is hot and red like a red chilli pepper now.

Sasuke - Make up as a whole.

This ninja decided to surprise his lover with the most beautiful make up before she arrived back home.

But Boop!

Blackout.

Still, it's fine for him. He is used to the dark. He is confident he can do it.

First... Base primer.

And foundation. And Concealer. Blusher. Eyeshadow. Eyeliner. Fake lashes. And so on, and so on.

His ears perked to the sound of rattling keys. Thank god he's almost done.

The moment MC stepped into the apartment, the lights coincidentally turned on at the same time. "MC." He walk to welcome his lover excitedly to show his "make up".

"Ah, thank god the light is on agaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH \(QAQ)/ WHY IS THERE 'IT CLOWN' IN HERE?? SASUKE-- SASUKE HELP!!!!!"

"M-MC it was me--"

"KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

She run out from the door, screaming, waking up the neigbors and that evening Sasuke nearly get caught by the police.

The very next week, he moved out.

[moonlightreal]

Winx Club Season 8/12

In which Valtor finally gets his villain on! (eventually)

12 Surprise Party on Earth

We open with some more nice wide shots of Valtor’s asteroid.  Our villain is in a thoughtful mood, which I’d screencap for you if my program did caps.  He also seems to be wearing purple eyeshadow, which continues to prove my point that eye makeup = evil in the Winx ‘verse.

He’s watching a big all-round hologram of space, and suddenly a comet streaks across the view.  Valtor is delight!  This is “the wishing star.  It hasn’t been seen in the magic universe for almost a thousand years! I must have it!  It’s the only way to make my ultimate wish come true!”

Sounds interesting!

But here comes Obscurum to interrupt Valtor’s rant.  “Ahem.  Sorry to interrupt such a glorious dream, your Foolishness, but you do know your dark powers will prevent you from getting anywhere near the wishing star.”

Valtor already knows, but he says he can power up be getting himself some Cosmix! And he does a really lecherous grin and we cut to…

Orion’s ship! Orion does the most adorable, “What did you bring me from Syderia?” and is delight when Bloom presents him with the crystal of “condensed star energy.”  

Twinkle suggests using it for a paperweight or bookends but Orion says he can make a prototype mini star core.  If it works he can make new cores for all the stars Valtor destroyed.

Bloom’s phone buzzes.  Shy is suggesting a romantic dinner.  The Winx are immediately all opver the romance, except for Tecna, who is...having that geekfest with Orion that I wanted her to have a few episodes ago!  They’re talking about how to boost the power of the new star cores.

Stella: “Who needs romance when there’s some new hypertechnothingamajig about to be built?” ^^

Bloom says Tecna and Orion are right, the mission needs to come first.  “I’m just sorry Sky and I have so little time to see each other.”  Bloom sounds quite chipper, but her face is sad.  I think the actress didn’t do the emotion right for that line.

Flora suggests the Winx can handle things so Bloom can see Sky, but Bloom has to go to Earth for her mom’s birthday.  So she has to turn Sky down.

Tec and Orion are still talking star cores.  Adorable.

So the rest of the Winx will continue to do outer space stuff while Bloom heads to earth.

Cut to Gardenia! Mike is waiting on the beach, holding a cute picture of young Bloom. She turns up, and they hug.  They’re going to throw a surprise party for Vanessa.  Mike says it should be easy since Bloom can just snap her fingers and do it with magic, which brings up a whole bunch of thoughts about what it would really be like if some people could use magic like that.  Well maybe magic is like money, one-percenters can snap their fingers and make stuff happen too.

But Bloom wants to set up the party without using any magic!

Mike is going to take Vanessa out to lunch so she doesn’t suspect.  He asks Bloom if she’s sure she doesn’t need help.

“Dad I’m a fairy, I bring light back to drained stars.  I think I can handle a party.”

Cue predictable comedic failure montage!  Bloom attempts to set up a beach party without magic and stuff goes wrong.

On his Asteroid Valtor is talking to himself again.  he’s looking at a projection of the universe that’s going from blue to purple which I think means the spread of drained stars.  He’s gotten a lot, apparently.

“I’ve drained the light of one star after another to increase my powers, but the Winx always manage to save the day!  No more!  they’ll never stand in my way again, once the Cosmix power is mine...”  Counting your chickens before they hatch, huh Valtor?  He rants a bit more.  His plan is to get at Bloom through her family.

Obscurum turns up in a hologram; he’s on Lumenia.  His favorite spot.  He rambles a bit about becoming king.

Valtor dumps Obscurum through a portal into a river.

Beach!  Vanessa arrives for her surprise party!  With a bunch of people we’ve never seen before.  Bloom did get it set up without magic.

Sweet moments with Bloom and her family.  Bloom’s given her mom a photo album with pictures of her childhood.  They talk about Bloom’s adventures in space, but she says her home will always be with them.  She also says that all the places she goes are places I trouble, and she looks quite pensive, and Mike reminds her that here in Gardenia she’s safe.

No mention of Bloom’s other family—which is fine, I love her earth family, but it does make me wonder if the Season 8 Timeslide has erased Bloom’s Domino family from the timeline.  That would be a pretty big change.

As they go to cut the cake, Valtor decides it’s time to blow the earth’s candle out!  He opens a portal near the sun… but not the mass of incandescent gas that we know it as, this sun is a honeycomb ball of glowing yellow stone.  Staryums pour into the caves.

But the sun’s lumens are badass!  They’re Roman lumens with lil helmets and armored skirts and some of them are carrying blowguns  they’re prepared to defend their light!

So the staryums get together and turn into starchomps.

Roman lumen attack! Darts away!  I think they’re shooting starlight from their blowguns.

The starchomps get together and grow into an even bigger stompy monster!  It scares the lumens away and starts punching the sun’s star core!

The rest of the Winx meanwhile are on Lumenia.  Tecna shows off the prototype star core to Queen Dorana.  Dorana worries, quite reasonably, that once the stars are repowered the staryums will just come back and drain them again.  She wishes her brother Argen were here; “he’d certainly know how to stop them for good.”  flora reassures the queen that her brother will come home soon.  And until then, the Winx will fight them1

Twinkle reminds everyone that we don’t want to hurt the staryums.  Then she flies and hugs Queen Dorana’s foot, which is very cute but Dorana looks kinda uncomfortable.  She reminds the girkls that she turned Lumilla back to herself by hugging them.  So more hugs should turn the rest of the staryums back!

Dorana is skeptical.

Musa and Aisha do not like the idea of hugging staryums!  Anyway, there aren’t enough of us to hug them all!

Flora says that hugging is the only way.  ‘Only when they feel loved and accepted will they turn back into lumens.

Well I guess it’s a version of the Kiss of True Love, the Hug of True Acceptance?  I once read a book where they were trying to disenchant some people and there was a line about “it has to be true love, not brotherly love” which made me wonder if there are other spells that would only be lifted by Brotherly Love.

Anyway, Queen Dorana feels unwell suddenly and sinks to the ground.  Something bad is happening!  Twinkle’s projector-thingy shows the sun is under attack!  Everyone’s worried!  They leap into action!

Party is party. Then it goes dark!  The sun is flickering!

Valtor summons dark giants from under the sea!  I presume he left them there earlier. They’re the same color as staryums but not furry, they’re more towards “made of living shadow” type of look, with a eye-ish circle on the head, lines of mystic runes, and Valtor’s mark.  Very cool.  Two of them come tromping towards the beach.  People panic and run.

Bloom: Oh, well, now I’ve got two problems to solve.  Save the sun and save Gardenia from those whatever-they-are!”  She sounds wonderfully exasperated.

Mike says there’s only one Bloom, but she says she’s never alone.  And calls Sky. This isn’t the date they wanted, but giants are attacking.  

Sky: “Let me guess, Valtor?”

The Specialists will fight the giants while Bloom hugs her folks and heads for the sun.  Sky did want to go with Bloom, but she basically ordered him to do giant duty.  I wonder if this will come up in their inevitable couple-drama.  Bloom flew off in Cosmix, but it doesn’t show her transforming in front of her parents.

Inside the sun the rest of the Winx face off the punchy monster that Aisha calls a megachomp when Bloom arrives.  Megachomp punches things, then it noms the core in one bite.  Heh.  He just swallowed it.

Flora: “Maybe if we hug him he’ll turn into… well, a lot of lumens.”

Stella: “Sure Flora.  You go first.”

They decide on some magic zapping instead.

Then there’s Valtor!  In the flesh!  The first time he’s left his lair all season!  He’s floating just outside the cave.  Stella even comments on this, saying he’s never crawled out from under his rock before.

Valtor: “Are you kidding, Stella?  This is a special occasion!  The sun’s gone dark, the earth is about to be destroyed, and Bloom will be forced to make the hardest decision of her life.’

Valtor summons a portal and blasts Bloom through it.  Then he ducks back through his own portal, escaping.

In magic-space, or outer space, our hero and villain face off.

Bloom: “We beat you before, Valtor!  And for sure we’ll do it again!”

Valtor: “I only lost because I let you do my bidding.  But you won’t get away with it so easily this time.”

...what?  No really, what did that sentence even say?  ‘Let you do my bidding’..?  What?

Bloom summons magic.  Valtor summons an image of cars on the highway and people flee from Gardenia, while the giants tromp towards shore.  On the beach Vanessa refuses to leave until she knows Bloom is safe.  Well that’s dumb.

Bloom: “They’d better not be in any danger!”

Valtor: ‘Oh, sorry, it’s too late.  They already are.”

Who WROTE these lines? -_-

Dark giant summons flying staryum-monkeys that attack the people on the beach!

Bloom is ready to fight, but Valtor is the only one who can stop the ‘stargoyles’ and the dark giants.  So Bloom can’t take him out or the monsters would be freed from his control and run amok, he’s saying.  Bloom says the specialists are on the way, but Valtor points out that his monsters are already THERE, innocent people are about to be toast, right now.

Bloom: Then I’ll fight them myself!  I’m not scared of your dark magic!”

Valtor laughs.  “Ah but if you save your parents, who’s going to save your friends?”

And we see the Winx having no luck against the megachomp, which looks a lot bigger than in the last scene.

Valtor: ‘And you know, without the sun your parents won’t survive anyway.  They trust you.  Will you betray them?”

Yes!  THIS is an appropriately evil Valtor, at last!  Once his lines started making sense.

Bloom looks back and forth between the two images, unable to decide.

Valtor presents his third option: give him the Cosmix power.

Bloom: “Never! You’d become even stronger!”

Valtor: “Right. But it’s still the best choice.”  he promises to let everybody live if he gets the power.

Bloom wavers.

[deckspair]

May’s Musical Director’s Commentary

Hey guys! I'm May. You might remember me as "the one who did those nifty chatlogs and the roster page" or "the one who did all the music" or "that one mod who never said anything." Los and Mints agreed to let me write up this "director's commentary" on the music I did for DECK. There's no secret lore tidbits in here or anything, but if you liked my music you might find this an interesting glimpse into the process.

A Note On Sampling

Sampling is the practice of using preexisting audio to make new music. When I talk about what I've sampled here, I'm only going to mention particularly interesting cases. Almost all of the music I've done for DECK features audio from Free Wave Samples, so I figure that's not really worth mentioning except here. It's the other stuff that's interesting. EarthBound was an influence on my decision to pull in a bunch of audio from outside sources. I've always admired that game's use of sampling.

The First Chatlog

The chatlogs have consistently been pretty fun to do. I knew from the start that I didn't want to edit this together by hand, so I wrote a Processing sketch to render the video. It's not the most elegant thing in the world, and adding new features is a massive pain, but it's a lot easier than putting these together any other way. All I have to do is swap out the script and background shader and write a new song and I can just let the program churn away rendering a new video. (Of course, fiddling with the shader until it looks presentable takes so long that it kind of eats into the time savings.)

There's not much to say about this one. The typing sounds were graciously provided by Mints. Those with careful ears might notice the instrument playing the chords in other chatlog songs.

The Second Chatlog

One of the only interesting things about this one: the melody is actually a musical cryptogram! What it spells out is an exercise for the reader. ;) The miscellaneous background sounds are all distorted versions of stuff I recorded myself one day when my film teacher let me wander the halls with a microphone. Film school has its perks.

Rio Hachimitsu's BDA

Doing the first body drop music was pretty intimidating. The body discovery music in Danganronpa has a particular instantly recognizable quality to it. If I wanted to go for that style, I'd have to get it down perfectly. (Otherwise I'd come off as a cheap imitation.) So I decided to be original. After school PSAs would be proud.

The melody here is probably pretty familiar to you all by now. Every BDA has used some variation of this melody because I'm a sucker for leitmotif. The melody itself is a slightly modified version of the Dies Irae. (Yes, I know I'm very pretentious, but being pretentious is fun.) This is also the first instance of what I call the "death rattle." I put that strange scraping sound into every BDA and execution for consistency's sake. You can see it as the moment the soul leaves the deceased's body or the moment the onlookers realize somebody's just died... or something. The really fun part is what it is - it's a bell tree! Yknow, those tinkly whimsical things. It's just been reversed and slowed down and drenched in reverb. It's fun how malleable audio is.

Minnie Minami's EXE

This was fun! Despite being a film student for a while, I've never had to write music to sync up with a video before. (I still haven't - I'm pretty sure the video was edited to match up with the music and not vice versa.) The overall tone of this one was pretty obvious. Of course a ringleader's execution would be accompanied by messed up circus music. Anything else just wouldn't be right. There's not really much else to say about it other than that it includes samples from my toy accordion and slide whistle.

Sampled:

An old recording of Auld Lang Syne

Yasu Kozakura's BDA

The body drop's usage of mirrors really hit me in the art gut, so I figured the BDA jingle should have something to do with mirrors. This is why the melody plays forwards and backwards simultaneously, because mirrors. (Some call that kind of thing a "crab canon.")

My incredibly good and quality cat piano is also in here. A stretched out meow recorded from it forms the basis of the background chord.

NANIKO's EXE

For this one, I gave the video editor three different tracks, one for each "segment" of the execution. I did this as a cop-out because I didn't want to have to try to sync my music up with the video - this way, the editor could mash it all together.

The segment with the mirrors was an exercise in what's called "phase music", where two lines drift out of sync with each other, creating different rhythmic textures over the course of the song. (Piano Phase and Clapping Music, both by Steve Reich, are two classic examples of the form.) For some reason, echoey piano lines phasing in and out of sync feel mirror-y to me. They also form a nice musical callback to the BDA.

Sampled:

Me switching frequencies on the radio

Sayuri Nishi's BDA

Shoutout to Free Wave Samples for having a heartbeat sound. I didn't want to try to make that sound myself with drums. 

Kosuke Nakamura's EXE

This execution is significant because it's the first non-video one. Execution art wasn't my department, so I'm not going to speak on how that change affected the artists, but I found it liberating to be able to follow the more general emotional arc of the execution rather than being tethered to the pacing of a video.

When I asked Angela for guidance on where to go musically, we came to the conclusion that the proper genre would be "Tom and Jerry noir." That description alone is why I loved doing music for DECK - where else do you get the opportunity to write something with that as guidance? The most natural interpretation in my view was a song that starts out jazzy and segues into slapstick-esque classical to mirror the transition from the safety of noir to being mauled by a giant robot cat.

Also, the Slack notification sound is in there, since Los suggested a social media notification sound in the background somewhere. (Slack's basically social media for tech dorks, right?)

Sampled:

Slack

Tom and Jerry

The Missing BDAs

Unfortunately, I got preoccupied and neglected to do BDA music for the deaths in Chapter 4. Generally, there's not many interesting things to say about stuff that doesn't exist. The plan was to sample Pomp and Circumstance for Law N... but I didn't. Sorry, Froggy. I didn't have any other plans for this one.

Ukiyo-Maemi's EXE

This one relies so much on sampling it almost makes me feel bad. I got so much mileage out of the clanging percussion and the spooky background sounds that it's basically cheating. 

Sampled:

My lovely girlfriend 💕

OFF

Akira Akatsuki's BDA

I was in a very percussion-heavy mood when I wrote this. (Can you tell?) Listening to the FLCL soundtrack had me jonesing for some dramatic cymbals.

Sampled:

Earthbound

Genko Junshu's BDA

Junshu's body was found in the Navigation Station. This called to mind sonar beeps and garbled radio messages and such. This is another one that wouldn't be nearly as interesting without the sampling. Hopefully this is transformative enough to not get me labeled a hack.

Sampled:

Earthbound

Law Kiyuu's EXE

This execution actually freaked me the hell out the first time I read it. Freaked me out for like a week - something about the combination of incredible writing and the subject matter. It honestly felt calculated to scare me specifically.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun with this one. I wanted to write something as unsettling as the execution it was accompanying. The intro is supposed to represent Law thinking he's already dead. Next comes his terror (evoked with the hilariously dissonant Altered scale), and then the final spooky arrhythmic section is supposed to be him being cut apart. (Note that part of the music drifts out of sync with itself to represent Law, uh, going to pieces.) The return of the piano is supposed to evoke the flashback section. That kind of piano sound always sounds spooky and/or sentimental to me.

Not much else to say now that I've dissected (heh) basically all of the decisions I've made for this one. I'm really proud of Law's execution song - it might be my favorite out of all the ones I've done for DECK.

Sampled:

Earthbound

Persona 2: Innocent Sin

The Doug Theme

Death Note

"It's a Long Way to Tipperary"

gamer butt song

Frogbot's EXE

The original plan for this one was start this one off with a hocket-y medley of all the previous body drops and executions. However, it would have been really tedious to export then import all the relevant instruments, so I didn't do that. Instead I remixed the typical BDA theme. It's supposed to convey the shift from FrogBot's reign of despair to the triumph of getting them executed. I realized part of the way through that this segment was far too triumphant given how many people died and the fact that the submarine is about to explode, so then I just ended it by lingering on a diminished chord. I'm not a very subtle person. Frogbot's execution lacks the death rattle 'cause there's no horrifying realization that one of your classmates is dead. (Exercise for the reader: find where I hid the Flintstones theme in this song. Good luck.)

Conclusion

DECK was a lot of fun to work on. I wrote some extremely messy code, made some sick as hell videos, and wrote some pretty baller music. I got to see some wonderful artists do their work, and I got to skim some pretty intense roleplaying. Thank you to everyone who said nice things about my music and to the mods for being really cool dudes. Special thanks to Mints and Los for letting me put this long-winded rant on their blog, and thank you for reading this whole thing.

See you on the flip side, y'all.

[yastaghr]

Our Skeleton: Chapter 6

Our Skeleton

Characters: Asgore, Undyne, Alphys, Toriel, Papyrus, Frisk, Sans,

Pairings: Sans/Toriel/Asgore, Sansgoriel, Toriel/Asgore, Togore, Asgore/Sans, Sansgore, Sans/Toriel, Soriel, Alphyne, Alphys/Undyne

Warnings:  If you see something you want a warning for, let me know.

Story Summary: The people who love him come to realise Sans may be hiding something from them. (not the best of summaries, sorry)

<–Previous || First || Next–>

Ao3

“red one. also blue. there's a really old white one - or maybe it's tan. a green one just pulling into the lot, too.”

Asgore absently rubbed at his arm while the sound of off-key singing washed over him. He stared out the window at the cars anxiously awaiting the change of the light. The remnants of rain dried out drop by drop on the car’s windows. The mottling they left behind had an interesting effect on the muted colors coming in.

“Sans, I don’t believe that they count if they’re still at the dealership. At the very least they must have tags, if not license plates.”

“don’t remember frisk ever mentioning a rule like that.”

“I think that is because they did not expect any of us to move so close to the road of car salesmen. It is much to specialized a rule for them to remember off the top of their head.”

“you’re just jealous that i remembered the rules before you did.”

He sighed, and turned around. Sans’ grin was genuine. Clearly designed to annoy him, but genuine. At least the small skeleton was enjoying his little game enough to for his mood to have picked back up from the day before. Asgore smiled contentedly at the glint in those sockets, happily losing himself in the swirling darkness within those eyes.

The singing came to a glorious, abrupt halt. Toriel, eyes still working the road around them, didn’t see Asgore and Sans’ shared sigh. Her voice had a tint of mirth, “You could say he was green with envy, could you not?”

Sans chuckled, “yup. being outdone is absolutely driving him up the wall.”

Asgore sighed, coating over his happiness with a layer of annoyance, “Quite. I’m just a stuffy old goat who deserves to be in a museum.”

“Dreemur!” Belatedly, he remembered that their destination was supposed to be a surprised. Too late.

Sans’ sockets crinkled in mirth, “ah, so that’s it. i was beginning to wonder. we passed grillby’s like ten minutes ago, and i was sure we were heading over for the sunday special. you really threw me for a loop there.”

Toriel’s guffaw overwhelmed her annoyance as the arrow finally went green and they turned left into the Large Park’s traffic loop. Asgore smiled too, wondering how much longer his wife had expected their small skeleton to remain ignorant. After all, there were only a handful of places the three of them could go from this street, and the city zoo was closed that week while a new sewage system was put in place.

“We would not dream of keeping you uninformed for long, Sans. You were certain to learn eventually, were you not? After all, this is an institute of learning.”

“heh, yup. so, which wing is it today? not the scifi exhibit, please. going with frisk’s class two weeks ago was more than enough for me. they mixed up the names of the homeworlds of skywalker, atreides, and spock. such a crime can never be forgiven.”

The two of them chuckled, having heard this rant before. Sans had been livid that this organizers of this exhibit, which was currently traveling around the world, had not had the decency to double check their signage before sending it on its way.

“No, Sans. We would not make you suffer that again. We had thought perhaps the history wing, if you are interested, and then perhaps one of the IMAX shows later on.”

Sans’ gaze immediately went to one of the enormous banners draped across the front of the building. Galaxies, planets, and stars by the millions decorated its surface.

“really?”

“We would not tell you a fibula, Sans.”

The quiet hum of Sans’ magic brightened. It was funny. Asgore had lived over a thousand years, and in that time had met hundreds of monsters. When he had met Sans in person for the first time, he had almost not realised the skeleton was there. Sans had either the quietest or the most well-hidden magic the king had ever seen.

Over the years he had learned to tune into Sans’ power, and since they had come to the surface it had become easier and easier to do. Now, he rarely lost the thread, and hearing the subdued emotions pick up like that always made him smile.

The fact that the skeleton’s big reaction was to the idea of seeing a show about the stars, and that that reaction had just won him a little bet with Toriel, obviously did not come into it.

She and Asgore meandered their way out of their first stop of the day. As much as Asgore and Toriel had heard in their negotiations about the past 1030 odd years of human history, the picture they had received was contradictory and haphazard. The overview they had just seen, at the very least, gave them a place to start to investigate further.

“I must say, humans seem to have come quite a long way since the war. A winding, faltering way, yes, but the progress they’ve made is very impressive. No wonder they produced a child like Frisk.”

Sans ambled out of the doorway behind them with an expression of mild shock, “i know frisk told me there were parts of human history where they weren’t even nice to each other, but some of that stuff is down-right unbelievable. did they really use to prevent non-male people from even getting a degree?”

Toriel sighed, “Unfortunately, yes. It was rather a surprise to hear that had changed. At the time of the war, female humans had hardly any official rights at all. In addition, the very concept that other genders even existed was utter blasphemy.”

“which god?”

Another sigh, because as simple of a question as that would be to any monster, the politics of the answer were rather depressing, “Most of them, I fear.”

Sans drooped. Asgore eyes moved between his face and her own, then drifted off in a desperate search of the museum’s signs. His gaze lit on something. He shifted his weight from his right foot to his left, nudging Sans gently in the direction of the stairs.

“Look over there! Toriel, it seems they have an exhibit on the plants of the Mt. Ebott subregion. what do you say to a bit of nostalgia?”

She and her longtime partner shared a look. Eventually, she gave in, “Very well, Dreemur. We shall go look at the plants.”

The way his cheeks pulled back into a delighted grin almost made up for the unending stream of plant facts she knew was about to endure. After Asgore had turned, she saw Sans’ right hand move in a blur that any monster alive would recognize as coming from Frisk.

-patella the truth, i haven’t had a chance to root through some of my plant puns in more years than the snowdin trees have rings. what’d’ya say to a pun off? i won’t tell gori if you don’t.-

,Her face broke into a grin, and she responded in kind.

-Stem-thing tells me you have quite the garden to pull from.-

At a tug from Asgore, Sans moved on, but tossed the next set of signs at her from behind his back.

-plant puns are where i got my seed, tori. it’ll be nice to get back to my roots.- Cheeky boy. He had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

“Oh my, Sans. I am sorry. I assure you, I had no idea they had such things here.”

Toriel tried politely to avert her eyes. Fluffybuns appeared to be somewhat hypnotized by the things, his eyes practically bulging.

Sans, despite the posted signs, had once again pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had yet look up at the exhibit in this particular room.

“what, did we run into yet another mislabeled sign? they should put up a warning label at this rate: ‘accurate signage not guarenteed.”

The short skeleton finally looked up from his phone. His expression didn’t flicker, “oh, is that it? they’re just skeletons tori. nothing new here, unless someone lost count and rounded up.”

Gori’s mouth, working in much the same manner as a fish, managed to find words before she herself had recovered from the shock. Perhaps not the most helpful, but still.

“Aren’t you...Sans, I...isn’t this...they don’t have any clothes.”

He ended with a note in his voice she remembered from quite a long time ago.

It had been the first time they had taken young Asriel to meet his kingdom. Of course, the first thing the toddler had done was spill sea tea all over his new robes. Then, for some reason unfathomable to his parents, he had decided to strip bare and run around flailing the soggy cloth like a flag.

Gerson had been amused, and, after Asriel had been rounded up, proceeded to educate Asgore as to the ways of toddlers by sharing an almost identical story about the first time he had babysat for Asgore himself. The then-queen had reacted in much the same manner as Asgore did, and had it not been for his father, he might have had an earlier introduction to her famous sense of justice than he in fact did.

Sans, in the present, blinked, “well yeah. makes it easier to see the vertebrae.”

Finally, Toriel found her voice, “Still, Sans. This is rather...lewd, is it not?”

He tilted his skull at her, “um, no? they’re not alive, tori. anyway, they’re human. if some dead human wants to spend their time going bare bones in a dusty display case, i ain’t gonna judge.”

The two royal goatnesses wallowed in mutual confusion, “But…”

Sans sighed, tucking his phone back into his pocket. His right hand found the edge of the bandage on his left and fiddled with it as he spoke.

“look, guys. it’s...weird, yeah, but not gross or anything. you saw those paintings a few rooms back, right? if humans can put up with seeing pictures of their own, flesh-wrapped species like that in here, i can put up with a few naked pelvic regions. and, again, it’s not like they’re monster skeletons. there’s enough of a difference that it ain’t too bad.”

His sockets had swiveled slowly over and now faced the glass-encased display directly. His tone grew more thoughtful.

“they’re not that ugly, either. not like me, anyway. they’re tall. got proper, straight spinal columns. the ribs are nicely spread. good ratios of leg to torso, too. i can get admiring skeletons like these.”

As the speech tapered off, Toriel heard the note of envy and dismay enter his voice. Her mind instantly derailed from its ‘This is insensitive, I must fix this’ train of thought and switched over to another. Her eyes gleamed red, and she could not help but feel a certain amount of pride at the speed with which Asgore pulled himself up.

“That is a blatant lie, Sans.”

Their skeleton gave her a look of weary dissent, so she pressed on, “While I admit that your analysis of their place in this museum is kinder, and less biased, than mine might be, I must disagree with you about the aesthetics. Their heights are almost strained, are they not? One feels that there is not nearly enough bone to justify that amount of verticality.”

Sans’ eye lights had shrunk. Asgore, contemplating the exhibit with a more critical eye, pondered aloud, “The spines are too straight to be healthy. They would not give an inch, I think. The poor soul would be stuck at permanent attention. The ribs are too gapy, too. I would worry about something poking through, like a door handle or a spear. That spine wouldn’t let them dodge at all. They would have no option but to stand there and wait until help could arrive.”

Sans turned to the inanimate skeletons with an air of great distrust. His focus shifted around, stopping at every joint and section of cartilage.

Toriel hummed thoughtfully, “In truth, the shapes of their skulls are rather lackluster, wouldn’t you agree, Gori?”

“Why, yes. They haven’t much emotion or animation, do they? Even if they could move. And those sockets are so small, too. I wonder how they would be able to see?” Sans’ hand had moved to rub at the rounded curves of his own skull. She padded over, Asgore mirroring her movements. She pulled Sans into a hug.

Asgore knelt down and whispered against Sans’ skull, “We could very well go on for days, you adorable monster. None of those skeletons hold so much as a spark to the supernova that is you.”

She felt their skeleton start shaking in her arms and went to move away. A tight grip on her dress held her back, and she surrendered. The three of them stayed there with her and Gori forming an almost perfect shield around the trembling skeleton until the tremors abated and Sans spoke.

“i, um...guess i was being a bit of a bonehead there, huh?”

She hummed and held him tighter, “No, my dearest skeleton. You were merely being you.”

She nuzzled down on the top of his head and did not let him go until Gori pointed out to her that if they did not leave soon, they would miss their show.

“-and did you see that third shot of ngc 1952? that had to have been a hydrogen-alpha filter, but the detail on it - i can’t believe it! getting a shot like that they had to have used an observatory. no way a backyard telescope would have picked up the shading on the lower right dust clouds, least ways not that well. wonder who shot it? d’ya think they might have someone who would know?”

Asgore planted a kiss atop the skeleton’s skull as they made their way up the stairs.

“It would not hurt to ask.”

Sans stopped so suddenly asgore nearly knocked him over, “heh. you’re right. why- i can - i-”

The lack of motion ended without any warning. Sans went from worryingly still to bounding up the stairs two at a time. He hollered back at them, “i’ll be right back. meet you by the m-k-raptor skeleton, kay? bye!”

The two Boss Monsters watched his retreating form vanish around the curve of the stairs with glowing cheeks.

“Do you think he is aware that his eye lights are currently shaped into glowing blue stars?”

Asgore chuckled, “No, I don’t believe he is. I’ve never seen him this excited before in his life.”

Toriel’s smile slowly faded into a frown. His mind caught up with his mouth, and the implication of that sentence hit him like a train.

“Asgore-”

“Tori-”

Their nostrils flared, then softened. Their intentions synced beautifully, the separate fields of their magics intersecting and merging, every wave amplifying the next.

“Do you think it would be too much of a bother for you to pamper our newest partner for the next few days? I believe I have a bit of research to do.”

He saw her lips pull back in something closely resembling a smile, but without any of the warmth.

“Of course, my dear. Only as long as you promise to let me have a turn, supposing what we suspect to be true is indeed so.”

He knew his expression matched her own.

“I would not dream of doing it any other way.”