#anyway sif and loop need to pet each other like cats

[aeb-art]

We're Both Still Here

Loop x Siffrin

Summary: Siffrin kept trying touch therapy with people who wouldn't remember and no longer reacted. Why didn't he just do it with Loop instead? (This starts from the third touch therapy conversation.)

CW: Depersonalization (briefly in the begining) and Body Horror (it doesn't go into too much detail, but I took liberties with Loop's anatomy)

(ao3 link)

Siffrin was visibly panicking and he felt exponentially worse knowing there was an audience.

Loop had only wanted to know how his touch therapy was going and not only was Siffrin not getting any more comfortable with physical contact, but he stopped getting any reaction to his attempts at all. Loop definitely had a feeling about all of that, they were either really good at theorycrafting or he was right about them being able to read his mind.

His eye was blown wide looking down into the dirt, but unable to see anything at all. Sitting there in silence, his mind spiraled down into a pit. His thoughts grew so deafening, the world around him disappeared.

His friends used to react when he touched them. Why weren’t they reacting now? Poke, poke, poke, poke. He kept trying and trying, loop after loop now, but nothing changed. It was like he wasn’t even there anymore, it was like he was being erased. Was he there? Was he even alive?

Someone, anyone... Please......

A voice cut through the overwhelming static in his head. “I see you, Stardust.”

Siffrin’s head shot up to look at Loop, still sitting across from him. Even without a clear head, he could see as Loop tried to not shrink under the intensity of his haunted stare.

“I see you. Y-you’re still here, look!” Hesitantly, they reached out a hand. It was just a quick poke, just a press of their finger to his palm, just enough pressure that it could be felt through his glove. They were warm… “Stardust. You’re here, with me.” Loop seemed to smile at him with their eyes.

Siffrin took in a big shaky breath, before exhaling. Then he repeated it again, steadier now, more stable. His face grew a bit more relaxed as his breathing evened out, though his shoulders remained tense.

“You’re also here,” Siffrin finally smiled back. “with me.”

“...!” Now Loop’s eyes widened and their posture straightened abruptly. Their head seemed to glow a little brighter. A surprised laugh escaped them as they struggled to respond to his words or even process them. “Ha... I sure am!!!!!!” Their voice got way too loud, completely out of their control.

Siffrin tried to hold back a laugh, but couldn’t help it when he got to see them flustered for a change.

Sparks flew from Loop’s head and fizzled into nothingness before they hit anything. They crossed their arms over their just with a huff and turned their eyes away from him. “Here I was trying to comfort you and you laugh at me? I never knew you to be so cruel, Stardust!”

“Thank you, Loop.” He relaxed more in his seat on the root. Normally he’d leave after this, but this actually turned into a nice distraction from his usual thoughts, so he decided to push it. “I just thought of something actually.”

“And what might that be?” They gave him the most bombastic side eye he’d ever seen.

“I keep trying touch therapy with people who don’t know I’m doing it and won’t remember. Even if they were still reacting, I wasn’t really making any progress, was I?” He looked away from them now, his resolve almost dying under their scrutiny. Get to the point, Siffrin. He exhaled. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to try it with you?”

Loop just stared at him silently, eyes wide. Their head grew even brighter. They were really off-kilter today, weren’t they? Siffrin was on a roll.

“I’m not gonna force you, obviously...” His own cheeks darkened a little. He wasn’t really thinking about Loop’s comfort when he asked that. That was a little insensitive, wasn’t it? They definitely weren’t used to being touched.

“I don’t see how touching me would help you touch them... I’m not them.” They rubbed at their upper arms as the skin there frizzled in and out of shape. “I wouldn’t react like them.”

“If it helps me not flinch, then I think it’d be worth it.” He shrugged. “Besides, physical contact apparently makes people more... normal... I think we both need that.”

“...You could’ve worded that a lot nicer.” They glared at him before their shoulders slumped. “But I suppose I am getting rather stir-crazy. At least you can walk around.”

“How come you never leave the tree?” Siffrin scooted over on the root where he sat and patted the spot next to him.

They groaned, but hopped up from their seat anyway and gestured down to themself with a flourish. “I don’t exactly look human, Stardust. I don’t want to deal with the townsfolk mistaking me for some wandering Sadness or anything like that.” They had a skip in their step as they closed the distance and twirled around before they sat beside him, thankfully on his right side. He assumed they’d move like that, but he’d never seen them get up until now.

Siffrin hadn’t really considered that Loop looked unusual, he’d gotten way too used to being around them. If it wasn’t their glowing star head and night sky patterned body, it would be the unnaturally stretched out limbs. When they first met, Siffrin thought it looked like their bones were too long for their skin, but after months stuck with them, he was pretty sure there weren't any bones in there at all. Their body vibrated sometimes when they got emotional, like they would literally tear themself apart if they didn’t calm back down.

What was touching them going to feel like? Maybe Siffrin could take his gloves off to find out? No, no, Loop would think that was out of character for him and they’d be right. Loop was normally right, and he couldn’t let them be right about another thing.

“So how are we doing this exactly?” Loop turned to face them. “You aren’t just going to poke and prod at me all afternoon, are you?”

“Well, I mean... What am I allowed to do?” Siffrin shifted to face them better too, if felt rude not to match them.

“Oh, so I’m expected to lead this dance then? Typical.” They scoffed and held out their hand. “Give me your hand before I change my mind.”

Siffrin immediately, obediently, lifted his hand up and put it in theirs. They both flinched, but Loop grabbed him before he could pull back. They loosened their grasp when he settled and their thumb softly rubbed the back of his hand. Even through the glove, he could feel they were comfortably warm. Actually, being this close to them made him feel warmth radiating from them. Just having them near was like waking up in a warm bed in a cold room.

“See? We’re both still here, Stardust.” They seemed to smile again.

Siffrin squeezed their hand and smiled back. “We are.”

“This is probably already more than you’re used to, so... I’m not sure how much you want to push this.”

“Mira’s been brushing my hair near the end. That’s more than this.”

Loop just blinked at him for a moment. “You want me to play with your hair?”

Siffrin’s cheeks darkened. “Well, no? I mean, that’d be... nice... But I just meant that I can handle more.”

“Ugh...” Loop abruptly stood from the root and pulled Siffrin to stand up with them. “C’mon, we’re gonna go sit up in the canopy.”

“Huh? Wha- why?” He tried to get an answer out of them, but they already let go of him and started climbing. He knew they probably hid up in the tree when he wasn’t around, but watching them scale it so easily was still jarring to watch.

“Show some hustle, Stardust!” They looked back down just to tease him. “You don’t have all day!”

They had all the time in the world, but now didn’t seem like a great time to bring it up.

Siffrin sighed and started climbing. He hadn’t climbed a tree in a while and it was even worse feeling Loop’s eyes on him the whole way up, but he managed! He only slipped up twice!

Loop reached out a hand when Siffrin got to the top and helped him the rest of the way. There was a comfy bed of leaves at the top, perfect for napping apparently. Siffrin had been up there before, for their unfortunate little hangout… That day had actually been really nice until the end… Nowhere near nice enough to repeat though, not even close.

“Come here.” Loop was sitting down and patting their lap. Their head was glowing brighter again, their body betraying their empty expression. “Lay down.”

Oh, they were really going to play with his hair, huh?

Siffrin, with hesitance and excitement in equal measure, scooted over and rested his head down on their legs, setting his hat down beside them. They jolted, but put a hand on his head before he got back up. This was fine… There was absolutely nothing weird about this…

Loop’s fingers gently brushed his hair out of his face. Their fingers felt like… like a soft sand almost? It was weirdly grainy, but not uncomfortably so. It definitely should have been uncomfortable, but the moment their fingers scratched a little behind his ear, Siffrin was practically melting in their lap. Thinking about Loop’s weird body could wait until later, when his brain turned back on.

“Pfft- you are like a cat.” They held back laughing too hard, so they wouldn’t shake up too much. “Your allies don’t know what they’re missing.”

That comment certainly soured Siffrin’s mood. What was Loop’s problem with his family? They always got so weird about it! Before he could say anything though, Loop’s hand brushed his neck and he squirmed.

Loop paused. “Stardust... Did you just squeak?~” They would have the most devious grin on their face if they had a mouth.

“No!” His cheeks flushed and his hands covered his mouth as he glared up at them.

“You’re soooooo cuuuuuute!~” One of their hands pinched his cheek while the other twirled some of the hair at the nape of his neck around their finger.

He couldn’t stop the whine that left his throat before he could slap their hands away. He sat up quickly holding his hands around his neck. “My neck is off limits now.”

“Boooooo! You’re no fun!” They whined and reached out for him as he backed away. “You were doing so good!”

“How would you like it if I touched your neck, huh?”

“I don’t think that qualifies for your touch therapy, Stardust, unless you plan on choking that Fighter of yours.” They held a hand over where their mouth would be as if that would at all prevent giggles from escaping them. “Not that your tiny hands could ever fit around his big neck anyway.”

“I would never do that.” His face scrunched up in disgust.

“Buuuuuut... I suppose fair is fair.” They sighed and beckoned him closer. “Though I reserve the right to push you away from me.”

“Just don’t knock me out of the tree...” He grumbled and crawled back to their side. It would be quite the embarrassing way to die, wouldn’t it? That was assuming it killed him though. He could wind up simply injured, which would be more embarrassing if he was being honest; he’d have to hear Loop laughing at him for far longer if he lived.

Loop leaned down a bit, which offended Siffrin more than he’d like to admit. They weren’t that much taller than him, they didn’t have to rub it in. He tried to hide his pout as he reached out to them, but he could tell they seemed pleased as punch about it.

Gently, Siffrin brushed his fingers along where Loop’s collarbone would be. They shivered and little spikes popped in and out of their form, poking at his hand. They didn’t pull away, they didn’t move at all, so he kept going. He trailed a finger slowly up the center of their neck before scratching where their chin would be between the star’s spikes, watching with rapt attention as Loop’s head tilted up and their back arched.

“Oh, now who’s like a cat?~” He teased them, squinting his eye as their head grew brighter.

“Shush...” Loop’s voice didn’t have any heat to it at all. They just leaned further down so he’d keep scratching, though he doubted it was a conscious decision.

He brought his other hand up to try and see if the spikes near where an ear might be would feel good scratched… Apparently it was, because Loop was immediately melting with a happy little hum. They almost fell forward and had to hold onto his shoulders so they didn’t completely collapse. Siffrin flinched when they did it, but they were far too out of it to notice.

“Uhh... Are you still with me, Loop?” Siffrin’s scratching turned into petting, running his fingers along the spikes and watching as sparks of light flew off and fizzled into nothingness. It was weird, the spikes were solid at first, but as Loop relaxed, his hands passed through them until he touched the core that was their head. It felt like his hand waded through the light, before it eventually felt like there was nothing there except the warmth they radiated. Even weirder was that Loop’s head never looked any different, the shape remained the same, but he could see his hand floating in it.

“Mmh...” They hummed and their eyes slowly opened, not even realizing they closed them at all. “Sorry, it’s... nice.”

“This is the happiest I’ve ever seen you.” Siffrin smiled at them.

“I’ve been happy loads of times.” They seemed to be pouting at him.

He laughed fondly. “You’re not as good an actor as you think you are, Loop.”

Very suddenly, Loop’s hand was on Siffrin’s face and they were shoving him away from them. He shrieked and flailed as he was forced down on his back.

“Loooooop, c’mon!” He whined and smacked at their arm. Their hand was still pressing his head down against the tree. “You were doing so good!” He couldn’t help but throw their own words back at them, perhaps they were rubbing off on him.

“This is supposed to be about you...” They were blushing harshly now, which is to say that Siffrin couldn’t see anything for a minute.

“It was still helping me! I don’t think I’ve held anybody’s face before and- and... you got really close... so...” Siffrin petered off, flushing. Loop did get pretty close to his own face, huh? It didn’t feel that intimate until it was over, but reflecting on it had his heart pounding in his ears. “A-anyway it helped- er, helps?”

Their hand moved away from his face, but before Siffrin could sit back up, a weight on his chest held him down.

“For your crimes, I’m making you the pillow for my nap.” Loop’s voice was somehow muffled against his cloak despite the lack of mouth… He tried not to think too hard about it.

“L-Loop, you know I still have to get back to the clocktower for dinner.” His hand hovered over them. Was he allowed to hold them? They were literally laying on him, so probably? But should he ask?

Loop’s arms squeezed him to shut up his thoughts (he squeaked again). “When your allies come looking for you, you can wake me.”

“O-okay...” He hesitantly wrapped his arms around them. Their skin prickling against the bare skin on his wrists made him shiver, but they didn’t tell him to let go so he didn’t.

Honestly he hadn’t had a restful sleep in a really long time, so maybe… Maybe napping with Loop would be better. It was worth a shot, right?

He only closed his eye for a minute before he was out like a light. (Ehhh? No? Okay, tough crowd…)

---

Siffrin almost fell out of the tree when he woke up to Bonnie and Isabeau calling for him. Loop, with widened-eyes, had to have a death grip on him to keep him steady, before letting him climb down. Of course, his allies were laughing and poking fun at him for falling asleep in a tree (again apparently, though Siffrin couldn’t remember the last time he’d done so). He actually forgot to grab his hat at first, but it conveniently floated down from the canopy the moment after Odile commented on it. [You’re welcome, Stardust!!!]

He looked back to the tree as he was led away and upon seeing that familiar light in the opening between the branches, he smiled and waved good night.

Siffrin really didn’t expect any of that to happen, how could he? But he couldn’t shake the smile off his cheeks for the rest of the night. Hopefully he could convince Loop to do this again next time. Afterall, they seemed to enjoy it too.

[C’mon, time to focus now, Stardust. It’s showtime! You could always come back during intermission. I’m not going anywhere.~]

He tripped and fell into a tear that loop.