#anyway reioka has the BEST ideas

[lovelyirony]

Attractiveness is Relative

@reioka did an au where bucky is noticing that he only dates attractive people (hello natasha romanoff) and then sick, disaster tony comes into his apartment looking for honey, and bucky decides “i’m in love with you immediately, no contract pending” 

Bucky Barnes hadn’t exactly noticed that he dated wildly attractive people. It was only after he came back home from visiting a couple friends down deep in New York City that Natasha mentions it. 

“You’ve only dated really hot people,” Natasha said at the time. “People that you shouldn’t go for because they’re way out of your league.” Now Bucky was about to argue, but then he remembered he dated her--she knows government secrets, can make any drink taste better than anything, and is also insanely out of his league. 

So yeah, that could be true. It is. So Bucky shrugged and went back to binging the newest YouTube series about murders. 

Life goes on, he talks with Steve, and then the new neighbor showed up. No one had seen him--Bruce said he was a recluse, only coming out to see one of his friends or to get a package from the mail room. Not much else--he was a real night owl. Usually, Bucky would try and see them and visit in the hallway so they had a nice raport, but the man was insanely hard to find unless you stayed up until four in the morning. At that point, Bucky was usually in a bad state of meeting people, so that plan was out. 

It was also weird because Steve knew him? He actually was friends with Tony and had gone to dinner with him and Natasha? Apparently Bucky’s the only unsociable goblin besides Bruce in the building, which was weird to think about. 

“I have friends besides you, you son of a bitch,” Steve mutters when Bucky expresses surprise to have learned about this. 

“I didn’t know that,” Bucky snaps back. “Pass me the cookbook, I’m making lasagna.” 

But then there’s this knock on his door. It’s cold as shit outside, Bucky’s currently in about five different layers of clothing, his nose is beginning to look like Rudolph’s, and he doesn’t want to answer the door. But it could be Clint with pizza, or Natasha with some major tea about coworkers. 

It is a man who is wearing about the rattiest bathrobe Bucky has ever seen, socks pushed down at the ankles, hair that looked like it was stuck up by electricity, and a face that screams ‘I’m sick as fuck right now.’ 

“Honey?” The man asks. His voice is nasally. Bucky’s at a loss for words. Said man takes this as an invitation to rummage through the cupboards, except he knows where the honey is? 

“Bucky, what’s up?” 

“Steve there is a man in my house who looks like he’s about to keel over and die.” 

“Seriously? How old is he?” 

“My age, maybe? I don’t know, he looks like shit.” The man turns, rolling his eyes at Bucky. “He just sassed me.” 

“That’s Tony. I told him he could come over if he needed anything. Check back with him in a couple hours to make sure he doesn’t die, okay?” 

Tony turns. 

Bucky decides that this man? He looks like death warmed over, or perhaps an actor’s dying career, but the fact is this: Bucky can tell he’s cute underneath all of the sick. 

“I’m going to date the fuck out of you,” he whispers as Tony collapses on the couch with a sound that sounded like “hawarrgh.”

[winterironspringfling]

2019 Spring Fling: Gift List

As always, a huge, heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone who was a part of the exchange this year; the helpers, the participants, the people now leaving comments and kudos, and everyone who helped spread the word by liking and sharing our posts. This exchange wouldn’t have been possible without you.

You’re the best, you rock, we love you!

And now, without further ado: the complete 2019 WinterIron Spring Fling Gift List!

Enjoy! 💕

Sparks Fly by tisfan for Lets_call_me_Lily Tony travels to Shelbyville, Indianna to fix Bucky’s arm… and while he’s there, maybe they’ll go see the fireworks show together.

🌸🌸🌸

The Winter Sentinel by james for tarot_card Bucky tests as a Sentinel when he's thirteen, and he knows it means his life won't be easy.

Which is a bit of an understatement, really.

🌸🌸🌸

When We Met In Paris by TheVagabondBoy for scarynoodles Neither Tony nor Bucky expected to run into each other in a bar in Paris.

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Mechanical Creations by celtic7irish for yourselenite Tony Stark is a tattoo artist who gains inspiration from all things technical.  When Tall, Dark, and Handsome walks in wanting a cover-up tattoo, Tony is only too happy to oblige. Oh, and did he mention? He really, really likes that metal arm.

🌸🌸🌸

My soul screams for you by IronEyes for Potrix In Siberia Tony learns how his parents really died. In Siberia Tony gets betrayed by one of his best friends. In Siberia Tony finds the killer of his parents and… his soulmate. Tony has no idea how to handle this, but he can’t stay away from Bucky.

🌸🌸🌸

The Beautiful Light of Madness in Your Eyes by tisfan for shadowgrl94 In the Soul Stone, time is relative, people are at peace. It is a paradise, but also a trap. Can Tony break the trap and bring everyone home?

Especially when he risks losing the only thing that matters...

🌸🌸🌸

To keep you safe inside my arms by ShadowsintheClouds for celtic7irish Tony and Bucky had been secretly dating for a while. They loved having their little secret. It was something special between them. But, a night out by the lake with the other Avengers threatens to take their secret away from them.

🌸🌸🌸

Kiss Me Deadly by yourselenite for MassiveSpaceWren Just a skip and a jump back in time before World War I where Anthony Stark and James Barnes are secretly together in the early 1900s.

🌸🌸🌸

Hold You Close (To Keep You Warm) by ChaoticDemon for sara_wolfe Five times Tony and Bucky cuddled for warmth and one time they didn't bother with the pretense.

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Where No Other Love Goes by Stark-N-Barnes for TheSopherfly “I want to,” he confessed.

Bucky flinched.

“What?”

Tony stared at him with a look in his eyes that spoke more volume than words, as the realisation wrapped itself around Bucky.

“I don't want to hurt you…”  he whispered.

“Bucky…”

~or~

That time Bucky was undoubtedly in love with Tony, but didn't think he could have him.

🌸🌸🌸

And the light, it shines from you by Lets_call_me_Lily for its_inherited Tony and Bucky snuggling in bed; it's been a long day.

🌸🌸🌸

Connection and Intent by SierraNovembr for sleepoverwork When Tony’s father is murdered, he takes a desperate risk to uncover the truth and save the man he loves. It changes his life forever.

🌸🌸🌸

Puppy Love by Reioka for ShadowsintheClouds Bucky is learning to become a person again. When some guy starts crying all over Natasha's dog, he decides he's doing better than he originally thought.

🌸🌸🌸

Howlin' For You by justanotherpipedream for james When the sun goes down, Sheriff Bucky sets up his rifle, ready to shoot any gnoll, ghoul or beast that tries to raid his small town in the cover of the night. Night after night, Bucky keeps watch, running himself ragged all the while. Worried for his friend, Steve offers a solution to his problem.

“So your solution is that I get myself a mail order bride? An’ then what?”

“Or groom. We knew you like both options. You need a partner Bucky.”

🌸🌸🌸

Promises by Iron_Eirlyssa for Lunatical When a mission goes wrong, it leaves Bucky and Tony trapped together, waiting for help. That might turn out to be a good thing in the end, though.

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We Fuck With the Lights On by badgerling for tisfan Bucky wakes up naked in a room. Tony Stark wakes up naked in the same room. Turns out, they're both actually okay with that.

🌸🌸🌸

Redemption by Lunatical for calmena After remembering they were responsible for the deaths of Howard and Maria Stark, Bucky and the Soldier start watching over Tony in a desperate attempt to redeem themselves. When the Avengers get ready to raid the Hydra base that's housing Loki's scepter, they're there to intervene.

Of course, they didn't expect to end up at Stark Tower, living alongside a bunch of superheroes, and they certainly didn't think they'd end up falling in love with Tony Stark. Especially since the man still doesn't know what they've done.

Will Tony ever be able to forgive them?

🌸🌸🌸

The Stranger in the Woods by TheSopherfly for JenJo “Mage shouldn’t be walkin’ in these woods alone at night,” James said.

Mage. So James knew, then. About Tony’s powers. Tony breathed deeply, the warm ghost of steam rising from his mug and tickling his nostrils. “Why’s that?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him. He’d felt something in the forest, of course, but forests were always full of creatures and strange energies. Too many trees in one place scrambled his senses almost as well as a confusion charm.

“There are things in here that like mages a little too much,” James said, and Tony hung on the words in fascination. “Plenty of things that don’t like mages, too.”

🌸🌸🌸 

Fine Art by endof_theline for SierraNovembr Tony is a pre-tenure professor at the national defense research institute. His life is a ball of stress until he meets Bucky the barista at the local and remembers that there’s more to life than the next publication, but he might just be able to help with it.

🌸🌸🌸

Roses for a Wallflower by tarot_card for burbear Bucky keeps finding flowers: in his favorite books, on his spot on the couch, in his breakfast cereal box, you name it. When he looks up what the names are, he also finds their meanings, ranging from forgiveness to friendship to even romantic feelings.

🌸🌸🌸

(Don't) Believe My Words by FreyaS for IronEyes Tony Stark grew up knowing he was a disappointment and a failure in the eyes of not only his father but his eventual soulmate. After all, the words "I wish I'd never met you" can only be a rejection, right?

Bucky knew that he'd love the soulmate that would give him his beautiful soulwords but sometimes he feared they would never measure up to his celebrity crush, Tony Stark.

🌸🌸🌸

a tale of the lil' mer who could by sleepoverwork for badgerling Little mermaid meets Anthony Edward Stark and it turns out about as well as how you think it would.

(The scene of the shipwreck with Ariel meeting and saving Prince Eric, bless Part of your World, still one of my favorite songs even after all of these years)

Tony just needed space, which is exactly why he idiotically swam to the surface after dark, away from the safety and constriction that came from his pod, his home.

If given the chance, Tony knows he could find and save his parents. He just didn't know how to prove to everyone and the spirits of the sea he could, and would, do just that.

🌸🌸🌸

You Are My Sunshine by EchoSiriusRumme for gryvon Tony is captured and deaged while on a business trip, but the team - his family - jumps right into action to take care of their tiny, shy resident genius while they figure out how to fix this.  Or at least, they try to, concern growing each time he freezes at the sight of Steve.

But that was something personal, whispered to Bucky between frustrated tears one night, so Bucky wouldn’t be telling that secret unless push came to shove.

Too bad for Tony....it does.

🌸🌸🌸

Perestroika by blue_pointer for InsaneJuliann According to Doctor Strange's vision, Tony Stark is the only man who can save the universe from the Decimation. But who will save Tony Stark? Bucky must use the Time stone to travel to the past and make sure Tony makes it safely to 2023.

🌸🌸🌸

Drowning by sara_wolfe for EchoSiriusRumme It was only supposed to be a prank. It wasn't supposed to go this wrong...

🌸🌸🌸

Travelling the world only to end up home by JenJo for hopespym Bucky has been travelling with his son to try and find a blacksmith who can fix his arm.

He ends up back where everything started for him, in a place where he had once dared to dream of a future, before he had his heart broken.

~

Tony has spent his time building a name for himself as the blacksmith who can fix anything and everything. He never expected to see the man who broke his heart walk through his door.

🌸🌸🌸

What happens in Zurich by siyuttov for TheVagabondBoy Tony Stark is sent to evaluate the Winter Soldier, who claims to have defected from Hydra and is hoping SHIELD can help take down his former employers.

🌸🌸🌸 

Not Ideal but Workable by calmena for marsmaywander Tony and Bucky go on a date. It goes about as wrong as it can, to the surprise of exactly nobody.

They make it work, anyway.

🌸🌸🌸

tell me who i am (because i don't know) by scarynoodles for ChaoticDemon “Is that all you called me here for?”

Tony stands up abruptly, walking around the desk and glancing out one of the windows. “No, actually. See, Pepper’s been nagging me to get an actual bodyguard since that happened. Usually, I would just argue that I don’t need one, since – technically, I’m my own bodyguard, but now she won’t let up since I was in the suit and still couldn’t fight back against a civilian.” Tony ignores the heat crawling up the back of his neck at that. It had been pretty embarrassing that he’d been jumped like that. “I figured, I might as well hire someone on my own terms before she did it for me. And you’re a good guy, clearly, otherwise you wouldn’t have done what you did. So, want to become my bodyguard?”

-

It's 2012, and the Avengers have defeated Loki and his army. Tony has a new bodyguard, and all seems well.

Except – his bodyguard acts really strangely at times, and he doesn't seem to be caught up with the world around him. He has a dark, mysterious past which he refuses to divulge beyond little tidbits. Once, he claimed to have killed people. Not to mention he reminds Tony of someone he used to know – someone he used to love – decades ago.

🌸🌸🌸

How to Survive a Haunted House by marsmaywander for Briz “Lord save me from crazy white boys,” were probably going to be Rhodey’s last words. He didn’t care what his friend said; this place was haunted, and they were both gonna end up dead because Tony was too taken in by the ample closet space.

🌸🌸🌸

it starts and ends with memory by Rowantreeisme for Arboreal Tony Carbonell is a completely normal professor at MIT. He tutors kids, both in his class and not, and builds things in his free time. He feeds stray cats and drinks too much coffee and wears dorky shirts to class. He's also an Avenger and the son of the late Howard Stark. He's pretty sure, though, that no one except his two closest friends and his AI's know this. And then the Winter Soldier breaks into his home.

🌸🌸🌸

Will you? [Comic] by MassiveSpaceWren for FreyaS Tony hadn't planned his proposal like this...

🌸🌸🌸

Give or Take by beir for BrightEyesIllusionist After everything, the prince could only hope his ill-fated plan would work.

🌸🌸🌸

Near Miss by Arboreal for justanotherpipedream  A car accident, the police had said.  He could have lost them to something as stupid as a car accident.  

He could have lost them, and his last memories of them would be of arguing with his father and ignoring his mother.

Bucky's trigger words begin to fail.  This changes things.

🌸🌸🌸

Tony Stark's Home for Wayward Assassins by gryvon for Stark-N-Barnes Tony Stark's too busy running Stark Resilient and making technological breakthroughs in clean energy and medical technology to pay too much attention to all the superheroes that have been popping up since that crazy horned guy trashed New York City. Then one shows up at his house in the middle of the night demanding Tony fix his broken metal arm and Tony can't in good conscious kick him out after.

Or, how a Tony Stark that never became Iron Man ended up with a Russian assassin living in his mansion.

🌸🌸🌸

Moonshine by InsaneJuliann for blue_pointer Tony's a werewolf and a single dad, which means he doesn't have much time for the dating scene. But a small push from friends leads to him meeting Bucky. Totally human, great, and very interested Bucky. And for the first time in a while, Tony's interested in more than just a life that orbits around only his daughter.

🌸🌸🌸

Fake It 'Til You Make It by hopespym for Reioka So sure. Since he’d gotten back from his station overseas, life hadn’t really been treating him too good.

Before he’d gone he’d had no trouble at all finding someone for the night and even managed a couple of relationships that had all (seemingly) been going pretty well until he’d been left behind as the others continued on with their lives, and after he’d gotten back he hadn’t even really bothered anything.

And all Tinder got him was mugged one time.

🌸🌸🌸

Iron Man: Legend of the Seven Seas by BrightEyesIllusionist for Rowantreeisme Tony Stark is a black hearted pirate who ran away from home years ago. His latest target? The legendary Book of Peace which maintains the treaty between the kingdoms. But the God of Chaos has other plans for the book, and yet more for the black hearted pirate.

🌸🌸🌸

fight 'til we see the sunlight by burbear for siyuttov There are days where Tony regrets not going back on his word, where he wishes he had told Steve “No, actually, keep that murderer out of my house and as far from me as possible.” Pepper and Rhodey even said he should. Not in as many words, certainly not because of Barnes, but because they know Tony.  

Tony knows, though, that the safest place for Barnes—and everyone else, since the first day people found out about the Winter Soldier more and more civilians were getting grand ideas about bringing him in—is the Tower. His only stipulation is that Steve keeps Barnes away from him.

His timer is steadily ticking toward zero, to the day he meets his soulmate, but to be honest? Tony has a lot more on his mind than someone fate picked out for him.

🌸🌸🌸

When It Rains It Pours by DreamcatchersDaughter for beir Bucky's sure Tony is half werewolf, Tony is sure Bucky is all fae.... What happens when they are both wrong?

Or 3 times these idiots got it wrong and 1 time they got it so right.

🌸🌸🌸

Hope and Heroes by Zola9612 for endof_theline Young Tony was born without a soul mark. How does that affect his life?

🌸🌸🌸

Your Hand In Mine by celtic7irish for Harpyienkind Omega Tony Stark is the son of Lord Stark.  Ever since he presented as an Omega, he has been promised to Lord Barnes, a ruthless warrior of Hydra that he has never even met.  Three months pregnant by his lover and heat-partner, Bucky, Tony is terrified for both himself and the unborn child.  But Tony Stark has never backed down before, and  he’s not about to start now.

🌸🌸🌸

share and celebrate by Potrix for Zola9612 It’s been almost twenty-four hours, but still none of it seems or feels entirely real.

Well, to be fair, learning about the existence of parallel universes, finding out there’s at least one other Earth that has been destroyed by a threat his Earth isn’t even fully aware of yet, and getting two other-universe versions of people he’s currently not exactly on speaking terms with dropped into his lap has been kind of a lot.

It might take Tony another day—or year, more likely—to wrap his head around all of that.

🌸🌸🌸

Wanted: Boyfriend by Briz for DreamcatchersDaughter Well, it was not every day that a job offer knocked on his door looking like something straight out of a porno.

🌸🌸🌸

Cuddles by Briz for Iron_Eirlyssa Thing is, Tony likes touch. In fact, scratch that - he loves touch. He finds out that so does Bucky.

[thecitylightshow]

WIP Picking

Okay, I know I don’t have many interactive followers, but I need opinions. I have several Big Fics underway, and I don’t know which one I want to concentrate on first. So, I’m asking y’all to vote (and I will shamelessly tag a bunch of people who’s opinions I would love, sorry not sorry). The options are…

(beware the cut!!)

Softly, With Starry Eyes

He reaches out to tuck a fallen curl behind Tony’s ear. Tony can feel the nerves sitting in Steve’s gut, but all he can feel is relief.

Maybe this won’t be so hard.

“Dinner.” Steve says, breaking Tony out of his thoughts. “We should have dinner first.” He’s smiling, and his fingers are still tracing Tony’s cheek. Tony reaches up to intertwine them with his own.

“Dinner,” he echoes. “We can do that.”

A shared emotions soulmate AU in which everyone expects Steve and Tony to angst over the situation and continue their antagonist barely-even-co-workers style relationship for Some Time, but what actually happens is a healthy embarkment into a strong and trusting romantic relationship.

I did say this is an AU.

Featuring; Tony actually wants a soulmate, the two most stubborn individuals on the planet, some rare-pairs because fight-me, and really not that much angst at all.

Tony/Steve, Clint/Bruce/Bucky, Rhodey/Nat, Jan/Pep, Thor&Loki.

 thank you, kind ghost

A long ass fic that leads into a complex universe, injecting a large supernatural element into the MCU universe. Written for @kiernaserea, it features Ghost!Steve haunting Tony as he grows up, and them eventually being able to get to know eachother.

Large focus on slow-build Steve-Tony, Steve&Maria friendship, and Tony becoming the Tony we all know and love.

Tony fusses over the bots quietly, but eventually he turns to where Steve stands, his hand not in the sling coming to rest on Dum-E’s head. “So you’re my kind ghost?” he asks, and his voice is shaking. “Steven fucking Rogers…” he murmurs around a smile so fragile, that Steve can’t help but quip;

“There should be a Captain in there somewhere.” and though his voice is breaking, Tony smiles and he’s laughing, and perhaps it’s slightly hysterical but the haunted look fades a little behind his eyes. Steve smiles back easily and lets Tony laugh. He stops eventually, propping himself up on Dum-E - who’s more than happy to stay there and be a prop - and for a moment he just stares at Steve.

“Do I want to know?” he asks after a moment, and swallows hard. “My mother-” he stops himself. Steve wishes he could pull the man into a hug.

“She wants to see you.” Steve settles on, when it's clear that Tony’s not going to speak. “But she doesn't want to make this worse.” Tony's eyes go wide.

“What the fuck is going on? Because you- you and her are very dead.” he freezes then. “Did I die, is that it? Or is this some form of punishment-?”

“No! No, it's-” Steve runs a hand through his hair. “You're not dead, Tony. I don't know how you can see us now, but you can, so that's a, that's a, a thing.” Tony's got one eyebrow raised at him. “You're not crazy, I swear.” Steve tells him, because he knows what Tony is thinking.

“So I'm just supposed to accept that Captain America decided to spend his afterlife haunting the fuck out of me?”

“If you could that would really speed this explanation up.”

The Soulmate Situation

A poly-soulmate, names on skin fic, where Tony, Steve, Bucky, Natasha and Bruce all share a bond. Slow-build, mild emotional angst, but mostly just them feeling out each other’s broken edges and getting together. It’s got a lot to it with no substance, at present. A snippet of the prologue, to give a feel…

Time likes to play games.

 Meeting soulmates two and three is something of a clusterfuck.

Steve Rogers isn’t dead.

(He thought he was though, he’d made peace with that, and now he’s in a future and screaming that he shouldn’t be here even if most of his soulmates are).

There’s a god in the room and another out to get them, and oh, Bruce Banner’s smirk is adorable but his walls are up (- and he’s furiously trying to barricade himself up behind them, muttering this is bad this is bad this is bad-) and he’s tense as hell. Tony’s never felt more alone in a crowded room that he does right now.

Three names in touching distance, and about as far away as they could be. No friends.

No allies.

He’s never been called a team player, and maybe this is why.

 It’s all any of them ever wanted to be.

 +

 Tony looks down, and they look up. Nuke in hand, Tony’s 99% assured of his own imminent destruction. Time will take him back too soon. He wonders if there are words.

They all do.

I’m sorry seems quite prevalent. Forgive me, hot on its heels.

They’ll be Tony’s dying words, if he does speak, but he’s no poet and there’s nothing worthy that he can make pass his lips.

There’s worse things to die for, Tony thinks to himself, and then the universe is stretching out before him. He closes his eyes to the endless abyss and the armada beyond with a smile and a not-quite prayer, and hope that wherever he’s destined for James will be waiting.

Steve smiles like the sun when he wakes on a roar, and Tony thinks to himself there are worse things to live for.

 Cross My Heart

Based, with permission on a complex ass idea of @goodmorningbeloved’s that I was very eager for, planned, and then had a very bad drop in mental health. If you vote for this, I’m going to need help. I can’t do this fic alone. The opening, to give a feel…

It starts like this.

 Tony glances down at his wrist. He’s in the rubble of New York where he was before. The same people are gathered around – he was gone for months, but he was gone for less than a moment. He’s not the only one surprised.

The X is still there.

A mark as if drawn on in black ink, like he’s seen on the skin of so many people and never seen on his own. He’s still waiting for it to disappear, he realises, but it’s not fading. There’s small changes happening to the situation; whatever he changed, it’s helping. The X isn’t fading.

He looks up, and finds Bruce before he finds him.

“Time is more linear than we thought.” Tony says, and then he starts to laugh.

 For Tony, it starts like this.

 Tony feels like he’s committing some form of cardinal sin.

It’s not unusual for the crossed – those with their soulmate X’s – to sleep with other people, even the uncrossed. It would be silly not to, so often people don’t know who caused the X to appear on their wrists.

But this is Captain America.

Fuck that, it’s Steve Rogers, who’s damn well meant to be untouchable to someone like Tony. He’s just so touchable though, and he started it.

When this all comes crashing down around his ears, Tony will remember. Steve started this.

 For Steve, it starts like this.

 He walks fast, avoiding people on the streets as they bustle past, avoids the alleyway and- wait. Tony walks back a few steps, and before it honestly registers what he’s seeing, he’s calling out “hey!” The two taller men step apart for a moment, and Tony gets a flash of blond hair from the guy they were kicking the shit of before they turn to him. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size? Maybe without ganging up on him like cowards?” The men sneer, glancing at each other, and with a sigh Tony holds open his jacket to show them the revolver he’s got tucked in his belt. “Pull the other one, fellas.” He says – god it’s only been a month and he’s picking up the slang in a way he never had when it was just Steve to learn it from. The men pale, and leave in a huff.

Tony’s holding out a hand to help the poor guy up, and it’s not until he’s staring into a pair of blue eyes he knows as intimately as he knows himself, that Tony realises he’s just fucked up.

There’s an X on his wrist, to match the one on Steve’s.

Part of him wants to laugh that he’s always been jealous of himself, and the rest of him seems to be sending in an error report.

“You didn’t have to do that…?” Steve trails off into a question, and Tony coughs, wishing he didn’t have to lie about his name but knowing he must.

“Edward.” He says. “And I couldn’t just let my best fella get beaten.”

 The middle?

Well.

That’s complicated.

 The Road Through Hell (Is Paved With Fucking Landmines)

Welcome to the best Worst Road Trip fic you’ll ever read; where everyone's crazy, the war doesn’t matter, and the only thing being counted are the bullet holes in Howard's Aston Martin.

A fic featuring Tony, Natasha, Loki, Clint and Sam going AWOL amid my version of WW3 to go and rescue the unit that Steve, Bucky and Thor are assigned where it has been lost and abandoned behind enemy lines. The war is in the background, this features SteveTony letters, ridiculous jokes and dark moments, but a surprising lack of angst. Hopefully.

 Treasure of the Heart

When Steve Rogers comes to see him, and wishes to find his brother, Bruce knows that to grant his wish will set a chain of events in motion. Events that could tear apart the kingdom, and will probably break his heart.

He says yes anyway.

Wish-granter!Witch!Bruce, pre-serum!adventurer!Steve, soul-forger!Tony, assassin!Natasha, half-elf!theif!Clint, dwarven!Thor, knight!Rhodey, cleric!Pepper and faye!Jan. Also featuring Dummy, Jarvis, You and Butterfingers as soul-wisps, a Peter&Harley&Kamala cameo, and a past to remain where it lays.

It’s a Bruce/Bucky fic, with an on-going plan that’s sat in a chat. I’m fond of it, even if it drives me nuts.

(If people were looking for The Stark’s High Society Orphans Club on this list, I apologise, but also promise that that fic is always on-going, but it also never had a plan. I’m still writing it, but it gets more attention than all of these and gets difficult at every turn).

@ishipallthings @itsallavengers @xtaticpearlsblog @codeflaws @savedbythenotepad @itstheallmother @reioka @agenderraskel @viudanegraaa uh… fuck, just, please?? Help me?? I don’t know which to work on and I’d prefer to work on something people would actually like to read!!

(People can reblog this. Please reblog this. I’ll come back and look at 17/08 8pm GMT. Wait no GMT plus 1, it’s summer. Friday, I’m looking on Friday). 

[dailyironfamily]

day 03 - supernatural au

Day three of the November Fic Challenge is a supernatural au! Partially inspired by @reioka‘s halloween au because I love the idea of fae Pepper.

This fic features human Tony, fae Pepper, and werewolf Rhodey, set mostly pre-IM1. Two times Tony protected them and one time they protected him? Or something.

“Pepper? Have you got those reports I need to check—holy shit!”

Tony nearly drops his coffee mug as he steps back into the door frame, wincing as it hits him right between the shoulder blades. In his office, Pepper gasps and spins away from the door, but not before Tony gets a good look at her decidedly inhuman features.

He scrambles to shut the door behind him, keeping his voice low as he says, “Pep, is there something you want to tell me?”

“Stop,” she snaps, and he freezes without thinking about it.

He holds his hands up, mug still clutched in one of them. “Okay, okay. I stopped.”

She doesn’t move for a long moment, and when she finally turns back around her face is normal again, her expression slightly strained. “Can I help you, Mr. Stark?”

“Ohhh, no no no. We’re not ignoring this.” Tony sets his mug down on a side table, squinting at Pepper’s face. “Did you lie on your job application?”

Pepper sniffs disdainfully. “Omitting the truth isn’t lying.”

“That is such a fae thing to say,” Tony says, slightly in awe, and Pepper’s face turns stormy.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what you are, right?” Tony plows on, unconcerned where others may already have fled for their lives. “Fae? I’ve never met one of you in real life.”

“I should hope not, you get in enough trouble as it is,” Pepper mutters. She smooths her hands down the front of her suit jacket, clearly still composing herself. “And I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“A full fae.”

“Your face was pretty...” He gestures vaguely at his own face, at a loss for words to describe the fae countenance. He’d always thought Pepper had a somewhat otherworldly appearance, but he’d always chalked that up to being attracted to her.

Pepper bites her lip, glancing away. Whatever reservations she has, they’re apparently wearing away, because she sits down in his desk chair and says, “I can do a low-level glamour. It doesn’t take up a lot of concentration, most of the time.”

“That’s wild.” Tony sits down in the chair in front of the desk, still staring at Pepper. “Why are you even here? It’s illegal for fae to go into human business.”

“I was just an accountant!” Pepper exclaims, tossing her hands up in annoyance. “I didn’t technically try to be the assistant to the CEO. That was all your doing.”

He grins, not at all repentant. “Pepper ‘Virginia’ Potts—”

“Virginia is my real name, not—”

“—we are going to have so much fun.”

Her protests die out at once, mouth a little ‘o’ of surprise. “You’re not going to fire me?”

“What? No way! That’s probably discrimination or something.”

She frowns. “It’s legal, unfortunately.”

“Really? We should work on that.” Tony leans forward, both hands on the desk. “Look, you’re the best P.A. I’ve ever had. The only way you’re getting rid of me is if I die. So. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.”

Pepper looks at him, and Tony forces himself to stare back and not fidget. Finally, she holds out a hand. “It’s a deal, Mr. Stark.”

Tony reaches out, almost taking her hand and shaking it before he stops. “Never make a deal with a fae,” he whispers, half to himself, half to her.

Pepper doesn’t drop her glamour, but when she grins at him, it feels like he’s looking at something he shouldn’t.

“Stop moving,” Rhodey mutters, gently stilling Tony with a hand on his chin to steady him. “You’re messing me up.”

“Because you keep poking the big-ass bruise around my eye,” Tony grumbles, but he tries to keep still so Rhodey can continue applying the concealer.

“Maybe that’s what you get for throwing yourself into a fight like that with a guy three times your size.”

Tony frowns indignantly. “You heard him, he was shit-talking werewolves! Doesn’t it irritate you how basically every shapeshifter gives you shit like that?”

“Yeah, but I also know not to pick fights with guys who can literally turn into bears.”

Tony had figured that if Rhodey wasn’t going to defend himself, he ought to step in. He has no idea why Rhodey always gets upset when he does that kind of stuff, but considering Rhodey was the only werewolf in the whole military who went into the Air Force instead of the Army when they were kids, Tony assumes Rhodey was prone to weirdness. Werewolves were not fond of heights as a general rule.

“It wasn’t even a grizzly,” Tony scoffs, then hisses as Rhodey touches a sensitive spot below his eye. “Hey, watch it!”

Before Rhodey can respond, the door opens and he hears Pepper ask, “What’s going on in here?”

“Nothing,” Tony replies instantly, nudging Rhodey’s hands away from his face.

Rhodey just frowns and says, “Tony got punched for defending my honor.”

“You make me sound so noble, sweetie,” Tony says, sarcastic, but it doesn’t deter Pepper from coming over to them, looking concerned. Rhodey glances up at her warily—he’d been like that ever since they told him Pepper was part fae, but Tony thinks he’s getting better about it—but lets her bend down to inspect Tony’s black eye.

“May I?” she asks, and Tony doesn’t know what she’s asking so he just nods.

He startles at the touch of her fingertip to the edge of the bruise, but all she does is gently slide her finger over the dark purple skin. His face feels warm, but he doesn’t know if it’s because of the magic he assumes is happening or just Pepper touching his face.

“That should hold for the rest of the day,” she says with a sigh once she’s finished, straightening up. “You have got to stop getting hurt right before big TV interviews.”

Rhodey holds out a compact from the makeup bag so Tony can look at his reflection, and sure enough, the bruise is completely gone. He pokes the spot below his eye and it hurts, but he grins anyway.

“Shit, Pep, that’s awesome.”

She glares at him. “Don’t get used to it. You have an image to maintain. That I have to maintain.”

“What image?” Tony asks with a snort. “I’m pretty sure that’s already down the drain, right next to my pride and respectability.”

“Tones, come on,” Rhodey says quietly, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Pepper’s right, you can’t just deck someone because they’re saying something you don’t like.”

“Even if they’re insulting you?”

“If someone insults me badly enough they need punched, I’ll do it myself,” Rhodey promises.

“Or I’ll pay them a visit,” Pepper says, dead serious, and Tony shivers involuntarily.

“Okay, okay. I’ll cool it with the punching,” he says, scrambling to his feet before Rhodey or Pepper can stop him. “We good?”

“For now,” Pepper answers, and Rhodey nods and stands as well.

“Oh,” Tony adds on his way out the door, spinning around and pointing at them, “and you absolutely cannot kill anyone. At least without telling me first.”

Rhodey rolls his eyes while Pepper looks aghast at the mere suggestion, but Tony’s gone before either of them can say anything.

Rhodey breaks the news of Tony’s kidnapping over the phone, because Pepper’s back in the States, but also because he doesn’t want to face her in person when he explains what happened. She takes it as well as expected.

“You were supposed to protect him,” she nearly growls, ice masking the hurt and the fear, and Rhodey feels the phone in his hand grow cold.

“Pepper—” He tries to calm her, juggling the phone between his hands as frost begins to form.

“Why aren’t you out there? Why aren’t you getting him back?”

“Pepper! I’m doing everything I can, I swear. If I were on the ground I could track him, but they won’t let me go in.”

Pepper takes a deep breath, muffling something that sounds suspiciously like an aborted sob, and when she speaks again, calmer, the phone feels like it’s thawing.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t believe…”

“Me neither,” he whispers, knowing exactly how she feels right now. “But we’ll get him back, I promise.”

There’s silence on the other end for a moment. Then, “I can pull some strings. Get your boss to make a deal to let you go in yourself.”

“Pepper, no,” he hisses, lowering his voice. “Are you an idiot?”

“If that’s what it takes—”

“I’ll get him back without you compromising yourself. Do you trust me?”

More silence. Rhodey frowns, wondering if he should be offended, but finally she says,

“I trust you. Bring him home, Jim.”

Tony wonders if the heat’s finally gotten to him and he’s starting to hallucinate. There aren’t wolves in the desert, right? It’s probably a mirage. Except this mirage is running right toward him and it’s not slowing down, and oh God he recognizes this mirage—

He drops to his knees in the sand as an over-sized black wolf barrels into him, his arms automatically coming up to wrap around that big furry body and just hold on.

“Jesus Christ, Jim, are you mad,” he says, voice dry and raspy, and it’s too hot to hold onto Rhodey like this but he can’t let go. Over the dunes several human soldiers appear, dark dots in the distance, but Tony doesn’t care, just buries his face in Rhodey’s fur.

It takes him a moment to realize Rhodey’s shifting back, bare skin instead of fur under his hands now, and he lifts his head to mutter,

“Naked in the desert isn’t as fun as it looks, buddy,”

Rhodey grasps at Tony’s shoulders, pulling him back into a hug, and Tony goes willingly. “Next time you ride with me, okay?”

Tony just laughs, holding onto Rhodey tighter, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes at Rhodey’s hand petting his hair.

“Also, Pepper’s going to kill you,” Rhodey adds, and Tony laughs harder, content to stay there holding on to him until the rest of Rhodey’s squad arrives to bring them home.

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

What happens when reioka and I talk

reioka: For real?! Tony's tiny, not person sized?! ifdragonscouldtalk: No XD hes person sized in the fic But it would make it funny Imagine bruce trying to find a needle small enough to get a blood sample reioka: I mean... ask a bird vet probably ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony hanging off Steve's pinky finger by his tail reioka: The idea is very adorable, if impracticle ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky has a cat. The cat likes little tony. Tony does NOT LIKE the cat reioka: Awww. Wait like like "dinner" or like like "person!" ifdragonscouldtalk: We dont know. Tony screams when Cat gets within 3 feet. Steve keeps Cat out of the room now. reioka: Aw poor kitty lol Poor Tony "It's big! It's get sharps everywhere! EVERYTHING IS SHARP!" ifdragonscouldtalk: Bruce puts a filter in the tank. Tony doesnt like the filter. It swirls the water around and blows him away. Tony launches a war with the filter. Bruce is Not Happy. reioka: Smol Tony building tools with the rocks at the bottom of the tank, sacrificing one of his pieces of seaweed to tie them all together to fling into the filter and cause it to jam ifdragonscouldtalk: Hes smug af cuz he clearly Won until he sees Bruce's face o h s h i t reioka: Lmao does he even understand WHY he needs a filter Does he want to swim in his own excrement ifdragonscouldtalk: He lived in the ocean before reioka All he knows is before the waters were still and now they are Not He probably doesnt notice XD reioka: Lmao the waters were never still you water horse you were just too far down to notice

ifdragonscouldtalk: But ok tony getting so excited he flails around in the water and winds up tangled in seaweed He does Not Appreciate pepper taking a picture reioka: "Pepper I am suffering. This is abuse. I'm going to die here." "You are not going to die you dumb seahorse I won't let you." "*choking sound*" "...Are you crying--" Tony ducks further into the seaweed and mumbles no ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and steve storming in from opposite doors shouting whO MADE HIM CRY WHY "I'm not crying!" reioka: Lmao just the idea of them trying to threaten Pepper tho Like... what a death wish ifdragonscouldtalk: Im sobbing imagine some intern giving tony little barbie tools and shit and he gets so frustrated because "I know these are fake! They're plastic!" reioka: He lets go and they float to the top of the tank and he is at the bottom just glaring up at them like... "You've all betrayed me. I know they're plastic and I hate you." ifdragonscouldtalk: Im a g ine someone buying Real Seahorses and putting them in the tank and tony is so territorial and ends up actually just wrestling a bunch of them reioka: I just snorted water out my nose omg "MY tank. MINE. GET OUT." ifdragonscouldtalk: And the actual seahorses are just so curious about this Strange Seahorse They think hes just trying to bump bellies until he grabs ones snout and then theyre Angery reioka: OH NO What does an angry seahorse do [ifdragonscouldtalk sends a screenshot of seahorses fighting with their tails] ifdragonscouldtalk: Seahorses punch Tony with their tails. Tony wails. Theyre meanies. reioka: Wtf Tony you've got actual fists HIT 'EM BACK ALSO A TAIL What a whiny baby I love him ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony eventually emerges victorious They find them the next morning with the others cowering in the corner and the water very slightly pink Bruce is Not Happy reioka: Just name the entire series Bruce is Not Happy because that will probably always be his reaction to everything. ifdragonscouldtalk: Series starts Bucky -- hey yo stevie look at this weird fuckin fish i found Steve -- screams reioka: *snort* Everyone debates on whether or not he's technically a fish and he's just sitting there like "I'm a seahorse" but are you a FISH? "A seahorse." ifdragonscouldtalk: "What is your species" "Awesome" reioka: "What do you call yourselves?" "Our names? I'm Tony, in case you've forgotten." "No, I mean, as a group?" "A family? *gasp* Do you guys not have families, is that why you don't know?" An intern is crying in the background from the effort it takes not to laugh because Tony looks honestly distraught that they've never heard of a family. ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my g od Good reioka: Finally "Tony. Tony. Are you a fish?" "I'm a seahorse." "Seahorses are fish." "Then I gotta be a fish." Bruce screams in frustration in the background. They've been at this for hours. God damn it. ifdragonscouldtalk: Shoulda just googled it Tony compliments Bruce's singing because he's a gentleman But secretly wtf sort of singing is that reioka: LMAO if the real seahorses are still in the tank, just whispering to them "Did you hear that? Do they draw mates with that? Horrifying." ifdragonscouldtalk: The seahorses just look at him Bruce screams again reioka: Bonus if Betty is there for some reason and comes to see what happened and Tony gasps. "It worked!" ifdragonscouldtalk: Im crYING Whenever pep walks in the room now tony screams reioka: Bonus points: Pepper knows why and one time she screams back and Tony ducks back under the water, covering his blushing face. God I wish I could draw Just seahorse Tony covering his face and Pepper laughing good-naturedly in the background ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and Steve spend the whole day trying to figure out why tony keeps blushing and why hes making a "mating hut" reioka: HAHAHA I wonder if Pepper feels bad for "leading him on" because come on, they don't--even have compatible parts, not even talking about the size difference ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony scoffs and says he knows and he was only joking and then literally just turns around and starts crying. Shes still standing there. TONY. reioka: TONY THE ENTIRE TANK IS SEE-THROUGH Aw now I feel really bad for him haha ifdragonscouldtalk: He'll be fiiiiiiine, natasha challenges pep to a fight on his behalf The fight pretty much entails nat biting and kicking peps hand with her tail, but w/e tony loves it reioka: "I will protect Tony's honor," Natasha tells everyone and then BITE BITE BITE Pepper pretends it hurts more than it does tbh Natasha beating the shit out of Pepper's hand Pepper wrapping it in bandages longer than strictly necessary because every time Natasha sees it she puffs up proudly and Tony looks pleased ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony still kisses all the band aids tho Cuz hes a whiny sweetheart reioka: Aw Natasha grudgingly tells Pepper she was a worthy opponent and Pepper glows for hours. ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony starts screaming at steve ans bucky instead reioka: One time when the humans go out for drinks Pepper gets sloppy drunk and cries and the others are like "What's wrong" and she's just like "God I just love these stupid fish so much" YEEE Are they smart enough to scream back or do they just get nervous because they think they've done something wrong ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my God pep I bet bucky screams back just for the heck of it and steve shrieks cuz hes startled but tones takes it for a scream. Tony glows "I got /two/ human mates nat" She screams at hill just because she likes a challenge and human women are Cute reioka: Natasha is daunted but if they hurt Tony she's gonna fight 'em anyway lol Lmao does Hill scream back OH Hill doesn't scream back but Natasha's just like "aw yisssss motha fuckin challenge" Tony supports Natasha's endeavors even when he thinks she's out of her mind ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony is a Good Bro Tonys new mating house tho Its glorious Nat helps him with it Bruces like "what are you doing" and tonys like "showing off for my mates" "Who?" "Bucky and Steve. They didn't say?" Bruce is Not Happy reioka: It's a good thing Bruce doesn't have Hulk powers because I assume literally everything we've said so far would make him turn into the jolly green giant. ifdragonscouldtalk: "You guys cant fuck the seahorse. It is physically impossible to fuck the seahorse." Steve actually chokes ifdragonscouldtalk: Real question: is clint a seahorse or a human Because i can see him accidentally almost killing Tony and Nat on a weekly basis and them loving it but i can also see him convincing Tony to do stupid shit with him like rock their tank off the table Bruce comes in and screams so loudly and tony looks at clint and goes "wow he really loves you" reioka: On one hand: "You wanna try coffee?" *pours coffee directly into tank. Everyone hates him. Tony and Natasha have not stopped vibrating for hours. They could have died. "MORE COFFEE! MORE COFFEE!" they chant, banging on the glass. Everyone HATES him. On the other hand: "That box they brought in looks interesting do you think you can throw me at it." Tony puts his engineering cap on and Bruce walks in just in time to watch Clint fly out of the tank, screaming, and lands on a pizza box with a splat. ifdragonscouldtalk: Im vibrating desperately as i try not to laugh Clint: puts an entire bar of chocolate in the tank, its gone in two hours, Tony and Nat are simultaneously in immense pain and doing theur best to tear the tank apart Or Clint: challenges natasha to a fight and sends everyone running when he screams because "SHE WAS GONNA RIP MY TAIL OFF" reioka: Lmao beautiful "She wouldn't have ripped your tail off," Tony tells him soothingly as Natasha gives Tony her best wtf face and mouths "yeah I would." ifdragonscouldtalk: Either way bruce screams and tony thinks theyre mates. reioka: Tony, whispering: Bruce must really like you, he screams an awful lot. Clint, thoughtful: ...We could make it work. Natasha: I dunno he screams at a lot of people? Maybe he's not monogamous. Bruce: *notices all three of them staring intensely and is somewhat uncomfortable* ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony: maybe he's what the humans call a player! Clint and Nat: *gasp* Bruce: why tf are they glaring at me what are they planning now ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine someone trying to explain to them that screaming =/= mating reioka: Tony: It worked for me??? In both cases??? Pepper's just not ready for children but I am and I understand that. Pepper: *spews coffee* Tony: But Bucky and Steve like me! :D Natasha: *smug* Maria likes me. *everyone turns to look at Hill* Hill: ...I have paperwork to do. ifdragonscouldtalk: Bucky and Steve nearly have a heart attack when bruce askes when they were planning to tell him about the children reioka: Steve: Tony, we... can't have children. Tony: D: you... you don't want children with me? Bucky: That's not it! We, uh... we're physically incapable of. Conceiving. With you. Tony: ...WELL. You can't help that you're barren. Steve and Bucky: *bug-eyed* Tony: Maybe I could talk to Natasha. The fry wouldn't be your biologically but it's the love that matters. Bruce finds Steve and Bucky crying later and he doesn't want to ask but he does anyway. "It's the love that matters," Steve sobs, and Bucky adds, "That's so beautiful, holy shit." ifdragonscouldtalk: Oh my g od If they did have children only one ends up having a normal name because bucky and steve are never quick enough to imprint on the fry reioka: Lmao LOL THE PREGNANCY Steve: So how many kids are we lookin' at, Bruce? Bruce: At least two dozen. Bucky: *faints* Bruce: Probably more. Steve: ...Can I afford that many children Bruce: GET OUT OF MY LAB. ifdragonscouldtalk: OH MY VGOD Pepper buys another bigger tank Clint and Nat start hissing at anyone who tries to touch tones except his mates reioka: Aw, little tiny ultrasound on Tony's belly! Bruce endures Clint and Natasha's biting with aplomb. ifdragonscouldtalk: Steve and Bucky both pass out minutes into the labor and continue to pass out every time they wake up till its over By the time they wake up the last time theyre already named - dummy, you, cutie, friday, toast, stan Nat names one Hill and Hill is her Best Niece reioka: Lmao "Why Toast" "Why not Toast? Do you not like it? Well it's too late her name is Toast." ifdragonscouldtalk: Steve and Bucky are crying. The seahorses think it's joy. Pep and Bruce are just patting their shoulders. Pepper thinks they shouldve seen it coming Clint names one Hawk just to piss ppl off reioka: Lmao Tony introducing all the fry to Steve and Bucky, "Children, these are your fathers. Steve, Bucky, this is" long list of names. They're never going to remember them all, they're terrible parents. Eventually Tony orders his children to tell them who they're speaking to because when they misbehave he wants to yell at the right one. "That's fair," the fry agree, and then start doing it for everyone except Pepper and Hill. reioka: Pepper: Isn't it... kinda cruel? Natasha: I heard a seahorse gave birth to fifty kids once. Some of them drift away because they're idiots that won't listen. One time my mom called me every name but mine. ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine how much Trouble clint gets them into reioka: Clint: Do you think with all these seahorses we could tip the tank Tony: Do not tip the tank. Clint: I bet we could. Natasha: Do NOT Fry: *cheerfully* TIP THE TANK! TIP THE TANK! Tony: STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE CATCH THE TAAAAAAAAAAANK ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony and Natasha actually screeching Bucky and Steve catch the tank but tony is sobbing and panicking because his cHILDREN ARE GOING TO DIE LIKE IDIOTS reioka: Steve: *angry* DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR MOTHER. Bucky: Steve, you shouldn't yell at the kids. CLINT YOU LITTLE SHIT. Tony: *sobbing, gathering the fry to him frantically* Fry: *feel terrible* ifdragonscouldtalk: Imagine them all going to the beach and all of them are hanging off Buckys hair and Steve is makin sure none of them drift away Tony is actually screeching in joy because a c t u a l s a n d Toast would prefer to be near Steve so she hangs on to his drawstring of his swimsuit Nat teaches Hill how to train and ride hermit crabs reioka: Tony: *cries* Look at my beautiful family. Bucky: Aw, doll. :) You don't have to-- Tony: MY FAMILY KICKS EVERY OTHER FAMILY'S ASS. Bucky: ...Doll. Steve: *laughs, chokes on sea water* ifdragonscouldtalk: Clint.... Challenges a blue crab,, to a fight Bruce has to save him reioka: Okay so hear me out -- Bruce and Betty are together but Clint just kind of gets inserted into their relationship because "I'm pretty sure he's lowkey trying to die" Bruce says and then Betty has a baby and Clint was like "Holy shit this thing is huge. I love her. She's mine now." Betty's amused. Bruce just sighs. ifdragonscouldtalk: G O O D Clint trying to get the baby to challege a crab to a fight reioka: Baby sitting on it and crushing it with her diaper. Clint: ...That works. Bruce: Stop trying to get our child to fight everything bigger than you, Clint! Clint: *starts crying* Bruce: Oh God what did I do Betty: *snorting, trying to get the crab to let go of the baby's diaper* You called her 'our' baby and he's included in the 'our' and he's happy you idiot. Bruce: Oh ifdragonscouldtalk: Natasha rides past on a hermit crab and clint starts blabbering to her and shes just like yeah? Can YOUR kid race hermit crabs Clint looks at Bruce and Betty. Bruce: No, our kid cannot- Betty: if you can find one big enough Bruce: BeTTY reioka: Betty: Oh my God Bruce he's never going to find a crab big enough. Bruce: I don't believe that. I believe he could find one. He regularly gets himself thrown out of the tank to steal my pizza. Betty: He's so tiny how much could he eat? Bruce: *stony silence* Betty: D: ifdragonscouldtalk: Ok but Bucky with seahorses just hanging onto his hair. Theyre everywhere. He looks like a seahorse tree. reioka: Pepper takes lots of pictures. Bucky loves them. He'd thought about cutting his hair at one point but now that he has become the seahorse tree he vows to only have it trimmed. ifdragonscouldtalk: A horseshoe crab scares one of the kids and Tony's just like im gONNA FITE IT and Steve is like nO reioka: Tony manages to knock it upside down but it's so distressed by it that he gets Steve to turn it back over and it scuttles away in the opposite direction ifdragonscouldtalk: Ok but also Clint and Tony and Natasha forcing pep to help them set up a 'human date' for Nat and Hill because yes reioka: Clint and Tony vibrating when they see Hill coming back with Natasha, ready to interrogate her on whether the date went well, but then Hill leans down and presses a kiss to Natasha's cheek (Well, her entire side of her head, but they intention is still there) and they squeal and then slap at each other to shut up because NATASHA IS BLUSHING OH MY KRILL ifdragonscouldtalk: G O O D Natasha is smug like "She's definitely my mate. She just hasn't done the ritual yet." Hill going to Coulson like "a fish is courting me" reioka: Coulson: Stranger things have happened. Hill: Not to ME ifdragonscouldtalk: Wwheezesx justin hammer,,, stealing them reioka: NOOOOO Can you imagine Tony, Natasha, and Clint trying to protect all the fry Trying so hard, but they all get taken anyway, and they know they couldn't really do anything against a human but they feel like they SHOULD HAVE ifdragonscouldtalk: Can you imagine,, tony breaking down,,, and justin trying to get them to breed. Cuz m e r m a i ds. And tony just telling him that if he touched the kids his mates would kill him reioka: Justin would probably curse himself for missing two seahorses But NAY TWO SUPER SOLDIERS ifdragonscouldtalk: ScReech can u imagine justin putting a little glowy tracking device in tonys chest reioka: Honestly I'm just imagining them all being so scared that their tails clutch at each other until they're just a big ball of trembling, teary seahorses WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT I love it ifdragonscouldtalk: When they finally do come it's actually Maria who gets there first and she scoops up hill and nat and holds them desperately Just nuzzling them Bruce finds clint actually sobbing Steve and bucky beat justin mostly dead reioka: GOOD He deserves it ifdragonscouldtalk: Tony clings to steves fingers and cries while bucky gets the kids reioka: Steve presses desperate kisses all over Tony's body but his lips glance over whether the tracker is and Tony wails in pain and Steve is horrified because oh God what did Hammer DO Bruce physically stops Steve from walking over and crushing Hammer's skull under his boot because he needs to know everything Hammer did