#anyway peace and love and for 40 minutes i was truly happy
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THANK YOU SARAH KINSLEY FOR MY LIFE ^_^
#this album was everything i wanted#these are my fav apart feom the singles because nothing can beat starling and real like actually two perfect song#anyway peace and love and for 40 minutes i was truly happy#sarah kinsley#p#Spotify
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Monday
Greetings, dear readers! Didn't mean to leave you hanging, we've been semi-busy (it's never truly busy around here) and I am also a lazy writer - that combination left this space blank for a few days. Oops. I'll pick up where I left you hanging. California! We had planned to go Wednesday morning, but the mister didn't sleep well Tuesday night and wasn't feeling it. We pushed it back a day and departed Thursday morning around 8am. It was a two hour drive for us, first over the bridge and then south toward Virginia.
It was a pretty drive, not a whole lot to see in that stretch between Annapolis and California. We timed it from Edgewater and it would still be about an hour from the grandgirl. I'd love to be closer, but A) real estate prices are insane there, and B) it's hard to find a place that isn't in a congested area. We like peace and quiet. The flip side of that is giving up a lot of conveniences for that peace and quiet. UNLESS...
You move to California! I brought a list of houses currently for sale in the community so that we could check out different neighborhoods and decide what we liked and what we didn't. They were all pretty, but our favorite neighborhood was definitely Wildewood. It felt like an enchanted forest, but with pools and tennis courts. The homes were lovely, everything was manicured and neat, and people were out on walking trails. Very good vibe. Best of all, just two minutes away, as you drive out of the beautifully landscaped entrance to this serene neighborhood...SHOPPING! Everything from Lowes to Ulta, five grocery stores, and a bazillion restaurants from cowboy bbq to Thai food. Even a 12-plex movie theater! I asked the mister to stop at Sally Beauty so I could stock up on hair stuff, and JoAnn so I could grab loads of paper for card making - two things I haven't been able to do for two years. Not gonna' lie, it felt wonderfully normal, another thing that hasn't happened for two years. It was comparable to our situation in Mt. Juliet - quiet living but everything you could want or need just a few minutes away. I'm sure California has its drawbacks, we were just there for one quick visit, but it's very appealing to me right now. The only fault that I could find with the homes in the Wildewood subdivision is that there were very few single story homes, and the ones that did exist were probably smaller than we'd be happy with. We need to downsize our "stuff" anyway, 40+ years of marriage, kids, and life takes up a lot of space. We don't need it all. Mickey does need an office space, and we'll always need room for family to visit - but maybe we can figure that out in less square footage. So, having yammered on about getting rid of stuff and downsizing, on Saturday we ran down the road and bought some of the cutest Halloween decor! In my defense, it was all half price. I'm willing to get rid of clothing and shoes to make room for Halloween stuff. It all started with a Facebook post...
The couple behind these creations has decided to retire from traveling around to craft shows and they're unloading their inventory at 50% off. I'm sorry, but fall decor on sale is my heroin.
They had a bunch of Xmas stuff too, but I wasn't interested. Though Santa is my homeboy, I'm still team pumpkin. This was my haul for $34!
It had to pass inspection, but it all received the witch's cat stamp of approval.
Left to right, the boo sign will go beside the front door with a small pumpkin. The welcome sign will be at the bottom of the front steps with some mums. The pumpkin with spiders will probably sit beside a porch chair, and this...
will sit on my kitchen window sill with some tiny pumpkins. I'm ridiculously excited about all of it.
In other news I finally started painting the desk/hutch combo that I picked up for seven bucks. Remember this?
It's been patiently waiting for some color. First we had 100+ degree days, then we had a stretch of rainy days - so I waited. Yesterday I cleaned it up, took off the hardware, and got busy. it's far from finished, but she's looking very feminine now.
I've barely started on the hutch - just a quick slap of the ivory in places to lay a foundation. That top detail that's still brown will get a coat too. It'll get a second coat and then I'll go in with small brushes and tidy up all of the lines and add gold details. The little scalloped edging at the top and middle will be gold and so will the finials. I'll probably buy new drawer pulls, I'm undecided. I don't like the old ones but they're also not the ugliest I've ever seen. I'm also debating whether or not to trail flowers across the ivory section. It would be gorgeous, but since I'm actually going to fill those shelves, it might end up looking too busy. Anyway, I've just started her makeover and I'm enjoying the process. Can't wait to finish it and move it into my craft room. Does anyone remember me mentioning downsizing? Yeah, it's going really well.
And while we're on the subject of makeovers (kind of), I'm very glad I made that stop at Sally Beauty while we were in California. A few weeks ago I mentioned that I'm finished with hair color. I made an appointment for a cut and asked the stylist to do some heavy highlights on my crown so I could just let the white grow in without an obvious line of color/white. I paid a big chunk of money to have that done. As far as I could see it didn't change a damn thing. She only left the potion on for fifteen minutes, and nothing works on my hair in fifteen minutes. My hair won't even budge in under 30 minutes and that's only if using powerful chemicals and sacrificing a goat. So I was a little bummed, even though the stylist kept repeating, "That lightened it a little..." the only thing lighter was my wallet. I was still yellow with a white stripe. So, like I do, I researched a bit and realized that since I was already a light blonde, all I really needed was a toner to remove any yellow. Wella T18 seemed to be the toner many online hair professionals recommended. I picked up a box at Sally and then waited until I was in the mood to handle a possible disaster. Best case scenario, it would make me platinum. Worst case scenario it might turn my whole head purple and I don't know how to reverse that. I decided to roll the dice yesterday. I figured that if it turned everything purple I'd just act like it was on purpose. Lo and behold, it worked! I hate that the only photo I have to share is a creepy one, but it's about the hair, not my face. I'd just started the drying process, so have mercy on my poofy hair.
No yellow, no white stripe! Hooray! Whyyyy did I spend money on invisible highlights when the solution was $15 and a lot less time than I spent in the salon chair? The good news is that I'll never do it again. I added sparkle to the background of that photo to make it look like a celebration, I hope no one thinks that's my bathroom wallpaper.
Raise your hand if you've had enough of my rambling.
Yeah, me too. I just crammed several days worth of stuff into one blog post and there was no flow. Probably felt like walking through a house of mirrors. Bonk! No exit! I'm trying very hard not to comment on the political climate right now, all I will say is that I have hope. 99 days.
I'm sending out gobs of love, take as much as you need and pass it on. I hope you're out there leaving a trail of love and glitter and happiness behind you. More tomorrow. Until then, stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy
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Your relationship with your Nannie sounds so special and peaceful, I love that for you that you have her and her home as that place to go to!!
I'm very lucky that I have a "young" grandmother. She had my uncle at 18 and my mom at 19, so she was a young mom, and then her first grandkid, my cousin, was born when she was like 40??? So wild to even think about. And since I'm the youngest grandkid, I got to spend more time with her and my papa when they used to live in Boston. Like I was always with them and got to have the most sleepovers. My house was so toxic and dysfunctional, it was always a peaceful escape when I got to go to Nannie and Papa's. Even when they lived 20 minutes away, I'd cry when my mom or dad came to pick me up to bring me home. I never wanted to leave.
It was really hard on me when they moved to Florida. I was in the fourth grade. I got to visit them with my mom that year, and it was a blast. Then they got a place up in NH in the summer, and when I tell you that was better than summer camp?? It was. We'd go to the beach and the arcade, and I was actually given food to eat. Being with my grandparents truly were the only times I felt loved and cared for. I was their baby.
Then, since my papa was 18 years older than my nannie (both their second marriage lmao. I wasn't biologically related to him, but that man was my papa), they couldn't keep traveling back and forth. So, they'd come visit when they could, but it wasn't enough. When I was 15, I finally got to go to Florida by myself because I had a job and could buy the plane ticket on my own. It was wonderful, and I made it a yearly tradition. Mostly I'd go in the summer so it wouldn't conflict with school.
Every time I stepped off the plane, I was immediately put at ease. Florida was my happy place, and my grandparents were my sunshine. I miss my papa terribly, he died in 2016. But Nannie and I are still as close as ever. I have always been able to talk to her about anything, and we always make each other laugh. I am literally her little clone. We are so similar, it's scary. I get my road rage from her, I get my humor from her, and I get my bluntness from her. She always speaks up for herself and always says what's on her mind. And that's how I am at this point in my life. She's my whole world. I wish I could have stayed down there longer...but alas, I had to come home to Henry and get back to work. She's not going to be traveling up here much anymore since it's just too much work for her at this point. I'm the only one that really makes time to go down to visit with her. I know it's not feasible for my siblings or mom to go as often as I do, but...I can never understand why they don't feel that urge to be with her like I do. We all got to spend birthday weekends with my grandparents, and they always made us all feel special in our own way. So it bothers me that they don't call as often as I do, or send her cards for holidays/birthdays like I do. She and I shit talk them a lot, it's so validating lmao she and I just think the same about so much, it's so funny
I'm rambling now so I apologize! I had friends growing up that thought it was weird that I was so attached/close with my grandparents, so I always feel like I need to defend myself??? Anyways, yeah, I'm very lucky and privileged to have her
#she also speaks yiddish and I looooove when she throws in words and phrases#her grandparents came from the old country#on both sides#it's a very cool family tree
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Hehe, I will oblige: top 5 Vegas and Pete moments like it could be Vegaspete as a couple or them separately and if you want a non-KP ask: top 5 beverages?
I'm melting under this heat also, your thoughts would be a welcomed comfort!
THIS IS SO SWEET 🥺 and this heat really is unbearable, so please make sure to stay hydrated!!!
i already answered my top 5 vegaspete moments as a couple here, so im gonna go with my favorite scenes of them as characters!! (i wanted to make gifs too but it would take me ages to do them, i hope it's okay anyway ;;;;;;;)
FAVORITE PETE MOMENTS
1. pete smiling as he's about to get tortured by vegas in episode 10. that's my unhinged little boy who laughs at death in the face and will make the devil fall in love with him HE'S TRULY THE MOST CHARACTER OF ALL TIME.
2. pete resigning in episode 14. god this is such a MOMENT, because yeah, this is pete choosing vegas, but it's also pete choosing himself, choosing to put his mask down for good, to finally put his own needs above anyone else's and be true to his feelings. this is the culmination of pete's journey as a character and it's so satisfying to watch.
3. pete fighting porsche and then volunteering to go to the minor family's house to clean up porsche's name because pete trusts him in episode 10. JUST PETE BEING THE MOST COMPETENT BADASS he will do his job and won't let his emotions get in the way of work, but then he will go and sacrifice himself at the altar for the same friend he had to fight just minutes ago. THE MOST!!!!!! CHARACTER!!!!!!
4. pete speaking up for porsche's sake and telling kinn he has to be patient and calm with porsche in episode 5. like.. he didn't have to say that!!!! he answered kinn's questions and kinn was leaving, he could have left it at that, but he knew his friend was suffering so he had to help even if kinn could have punished him for not staying in his place!!!! SOBBING BECAUSE HE IS TRULY THE BEST OF FRIENDS.
5. pete breaking down at the safe house in episode 13. this is so incredibly painful to watch so i didn't know if it would make the list since there are other moments i adore, but i just love how we finally get to see what pete is truly thinking and feeling.
FAVORITE VEGAS MOMENTS
1. vegas cooking for pete in episode 13 aka the malewification of vegas theerapanyakul. LISTEN. he was just!!!!! so HAPPY to be cooking for pete!!!!! all he wants is to love pete and take care of him and give him everything. MAKES ME INSANE.
2. vegas doing what he does best in episode 10: manipulate manwhore and manslaughter. i feel bad for tawan but the way vegas used him and then got rid of him without blinking an eye is [CHEF'S KISS].
3. everything about vegas in episode 14. LOOK I KNOW THIS IS CHEATING I JUST CANNOT PICK ONLY ONE MOMENT. vegas saying he won't let anyone hurt pete?? vegas sauntering into the main family's house guns blazing?? vegas saying 'but i still can't figure out where to shoot first. head. chest. or the heart.' to kinn?? vegas pointing his gun at pete but then lowering it immediately?? vegas seeing his father dead on the ground?? vegas breaking down?? UGH HE WAS JUST SO GOOD IN THIS EPISODE.
4. vegas saying 'riposa in pace' (rest in peace) to the italian don in episode 7. no this isn't my italian's ass being biased what are you talking about. actually everything about vegas in episode 7 was GREAT too HE NEEDS TO STOP HAVING SO MANY GOOD MOMENTS.
5. vegas bringing the little bag of goodies to pete and pol during their stake out in episode 6. HE IS SUCH A LITTLE SHIT I LOVE HIM (but seriously i love that you can clearly see he has this lighter side of him where he enjoys joking and bickering and messing with people in a more 'innocent' way)
FAVORITE BEVERAGES (yeah im doing this one too sfjksgfj)
1. WATER. i know this is the most boring answer but i truly never appreciated cold water more than in this god damn heat.
2. cappuccino. there are 40 °C outside and i still refuse to give it up.
3. tea. literally any kind of tea. you can have it hot, you can have it cold, and there are so many type you can drink a different one every day.
4. campari spritz. im not really a cocktail kind of gal but in this heat a good spritz is everything.
5. black coffee. look. i got insomnia. a woman gotta stay awake somehow (but i also enjoy the taste and the intricate italian rituals that go with it).
#OH GOD THIS GOT SO LONG IM SORRY#but thank you so much for asking!!!!#hope it can be somewhat interesting even without gifs!!#vegaspete#m: ask#star-inhereyes
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endings are hard... but they aren’t impossible
tldr; the good place fucking nailed the finale, supernatural completely and utterly bombed it.
tags: wc--4.5k, gif heavy, spn meta, the good place, supernatural finale, spn wank, all gifs are mine, if you read til the end there’s a pretty gif
so i recently finished the good place (i was watching w my family and we finally had time to sit down and watch the last season) and god fucking dammit that ending is FLAWLESS. literally flawless.
and because i’m, well, me… i spent most of the time during that hour long finale thinking about how supernatural could have had even a fraction of that and avoided so much heartbreak.
anyways. i decided to compare them. to REALLY compare them. to get into the nitty gritty of why the fuck the good place ending left me feeling, as the finale is all about, sated and complete. and why the spn ending left me confused, lost, broken, betrayed, unable to even enjoy my comfort show at all until a dear friend finally just watched an episode (8.08) start to finish with me.
so without further ado (always wanted to say that) here’s the good place/supernatural finale meta that no one asked for
comedy
we’ll start small. both these shows have excellent comedy. in extremely different ways… but still
in the good place finale, the comedy was perfect. whether it was jason reappearing in the forest, michael trying to get through The Door, tahani reversing the “hot bod” bit on eleanor, every comedic moment was actually pretty emotional and added something to the show. they deepened characters’ meanings, added to their relationships, and made the audience think as much as they made the audience laugh.
in the spn finale… the comedy was the pie gag. the whole sam shoving pie into dean’s face. beyond this being… like meta as hell (the whole prank thing) it doesn’t have any depth to it.
and to add salt to the wound, this “hilarious” thing happens RIGHT AFTER salmondean have a conversation about missing jack and cas that is equal parts flat and infuriating. the brothers, in particular sam about jack and dean about cas, should care more. this is their family. and family is everything to them. but, no, by all means pie dean in the face.
last lines
this one IRKS me. okay.
the last line of the good place "I'll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it sleazy.” “All right.” is ICONIC. okay?
it’s a reference to season 1 that doesn’t feel fan-servicey. it’s kinda honestly emotional cuz it’s like a message to us, the audience. it perfectly completes michael’s arc. it captures the light-hearted vibe of the show while also somehow managing to be poignant. you can see it coming like the second before it happens but it’s also not the obvious choice. it’s just. goddamn it’s good.
the last line of supernatural…. is… “and cut.” not even said by one of j2. i mean i know it’s a meta show but COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????
now i hear you shouting wait but that’s just the end of the thank you message. okay fine whatever. in that case the last lines are “Hey, Sammy.” “Dean.” (i couldn’t bring myself to gif that moment)
i’m sorry but. that’s predictable. that’s obvious. that’s boring. that’s flat. sure, it celebrates the bond between the brothers. but like… that’s not what this show is about anymore. it’s not just about sam and dean winchester it’s about what they’ve created. it’s about the world they’ve saved, the family they’ve made, about how they always keep fighting but nope we get bland, boring, coulda seen ‘em coming from miles away lines for the very end. that’s fine.
montages
the spn finale is like 50% montages that don’t make sense and are poorly done and not emotional
the good place has a montage of michael being human that brought me to tears
timing
here’s another short section. the good place finale was 53 minutes long as opposed to the usual 20 minute long runtime of every episode. granted, the fandom of the good place is very different, but STILL there was no documentary telling the fans things they ALREADY knew (there was a short special after the ep, but the episode itself was still far longer than normal). it was 53 minutes of plot. of really fucking good not rushed plot.
the supernatural finale was… what 36 minutes long?? as opposed to the normal 40 minute runtime?? granted, we did get an hour long documentary of things we’ve all heard in cons and interviews a billion times so hey. take what you can get i guess.
character arcs
this is most of the meat of this meta. one thing we’ve all been harping on a TON is how they RUINED character arcs. soooo let’s go through and juxtapose some character arcs shall we
eleanor
eleanor shellstrop starts the show completely self-obsessed. she died getting hit by shopping carts while picking up margarita mix and let’s be real she’s a total icon. love her to death. she grows a ton, becomes one of the most selfless characters on the show, and starts to actually (jack forbid) CARE about things. it’s one of the most satisfying and relatable character arcs i’ve ever seen.
it’s not just her selfishness either, her character is super multi-faceted and complex, and i feel like even in the end we’re getting to know her better. she’s afraid of commitment, always worried about what others’ actions will do to her, loves the trivial side of life, is queer as fuck (as acknowledged by the show in a way that’s not harmful at all but also isn’t explicitly bi/pan/unlabeled/omni etc, allowing queer fans to see their own identity in her), and is all around a HUMAN BEING. her ending at the beginning of the show was her death. her stupid, trivial, meaningless death where she was, as she puts it, all alone. and her final ending ISNT that. yes, everyone goes before her. and i think that’s purposeful. to show that she’s grown enough that being alone in some sense is okay.
but she’s never TRULY alone. and in the end. the REAL end. janet is there. the whole time. because eleanor asked her to be!! she got over her crazy need for independence and simply asked for help. and eleanor dies an amazing person that has become selfless, has found joy in philosophy while still enjoying trashy content, has fixed her relationship with her mother, and has found a sense of completion. eleanor’s life ends on her terms, and it’s beautiful.
dean
alright. now just as you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy let’s look at dean winchester’s ending. you’ve heard it a million times, so i’ll be brief. dean was raised to be a hunter, a soldier, a killing machine with no feelings and no purpose. he was raised to die scared on a hunt, his life over because of some mistake he made because he will NEVER measure up. at least that’s what john and everyone else told him with the exceptions of some of his family (and family don’t end in blood). he started to accept that he didn’t have to have this. he started to realize that he could CHOOSE what his ending was.
the beautiful thing is, we never truly got to see what that was. i personally like to think it’s similar to the roadhouse michael locked him in while he was trapped in his own mind. a safe place for hunters, somewhere he (and cas in my opinion, but that’s not important) could settle down and still be in the life. it would be an amazing tribute to jo and ellen, and just all around a great ending. he wouldn’t have to be scared, but he wouldn’t have to conform to some apple pie facade of normalcy. and ya know what?? say that he died so he could have peace i dare you. because dean doesn’t find peace until sam is there anyway so i beg of you WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT.
dean winchester died scared. dean winchester died on a hunt. dean winchester died on one of john’s old hunts. dean winchester died not directly at the hands of a monster, but at the hands of a mistake. his mistake. dean winchester died without ever working through the trauma of his best friend in the entire world confessing his love in a final act of self-sacrifice. dean winchester died in a way that leaves a sour taste in my mouth and does not at all show the audience what he’s been through and how much he’s grown. dean winchester did not die on his terms, and he deserved better.
chidi
okay back to happy. chidi anagonye. by far my personal favorite good place character (don’t tell anyone i always say jason cuz he and i are very similar). chidi in the last few episodes is SO DRASTICALLY different than the chidi we meet at the beginning. he’s decisive, confident, self-assured, and it’s amazing to see. he’s not afraid of life anymore. he’s not afraid to make the wrong decision and forever alter his reality, because he’s okay with failure.
at the beginning, chidi was so petrified of life that… it killed him. and in the end, he’s completely at peace with every decision he makes, even the final one. yes, he considered staying for eleanor, but that just shows how his moral code and his compassion for others is still very much still intact. it shows the audience that you can be confident and decisive without being a selfish asshole.
chidi leaves the good place knowing that it’s the right thing to do. knowing without a doubt that his time has come. the old chidi never would have been able to fathom being that sure about something. it’s beautiful. it’s a development that can give the audience peace, can show them that this drastic of change is possible, and that chidi became a better person for all of it. chidi went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.
sam
… this one might be controversial… but sam winchester. god i hated sam’s ending. at first i was kinda okay with it. like, okay fine he got his normal life. but, really, in the end that’s not what sam wanted. he started to realize that he didn’t need that apple pie, white picket fence life. he didn’t need the wife and the kids and the backyard and the barbecues because that is NOT sam’s personality and i will throw hands on that.
that’s not to say he doesn’t want some sort of romance, maybe even kids, but not in that way. he lets himself see that he doesn’t need to be defined by his rebellion to john. doesn’t need to be defined by going to college or any of those “normal” smart kid things because it doesn’t fit him. and that’s okay! but how does sam’s story end? it ends with a wife (that isn’t even important enough to show her face). with kids. with a goddamn white picket fence. we think he’s still hunting to some extent… but it’s not the arc we were led to believe would happen. it’s not this amazing leader sam that we see in season 12-14, uniting hunters and organizing them.
he had SO MUCH potential and they throw it away on a vanilla ending that shows only surface level pain at losing his brother. he doesn’t even invite the rest of their family to the wake for fuck’s sake. jared did an incredible job. pls don’t think i’m saying he didn’t. but that script…. sam winchester’s arc was cut short. he didn’t go on his terms, and he deserved better.
jason
jason mandoza. the only character that has ever embodied my complete dumbass energy to the insane extent that it exists. he went to hell for his impulsivity. he never thought before a decision. i aspire to be as reckless as jason while on earth. but he LEARNED. he got better, just like they all did. and by the end of the show, jason doesn’t need to be impulsive anymore. much like eleanor being left “alone,” the show does a masterful job with making him be the first one to go, capturing his old impulsiveness. but he chooses to leave. he takes his time in deliberation, waiting until a feeling of peace, of completion, of well, ‘true happiness’ (sorry cas stans, i’m right there with you) has settled over him.
the ending of his story is one of growth, just like all these characters have been. and the best part? the show makes it comedic in the most poignant and beautiful way, because it’s jason, it had to be funny. we learn that jason has been in the woods for like, eons, just waiting to go through the door because he wants to give janet a necklace. he’s learned to simply wait. to be at peace with… nothing. his torture was being a monk, but in the end, jason embodies those ideals. his arc comes to fruition in an extremely satisfying way. jason goes on his own terms, and it’s beautiful.
castiel
this one is gonna hurt like a bitch. castiel is my comfort character. he’s my role model. he’s me in a lot of ways. i love him. so fucking much. so excuse me if this is slightly incoherent. i’m actually okay with cas’ ending… in a way. because his actual ending as an on-screen character? perfect. self-sacrifice while coming out and professing his love to dean winchester. a little bit bury the gays, but let’s be real, it’s supernatural. and “happiness is in just saying it” has to be the most powerful way to think of coming out. it takes away the fear, it takes away so much of the pain that can follow. because the joy is in just saying the words.
it’s how this was treated on the show that makes cas’ character arc terrible (and we haven’t even gotten to 15.20). YOU CANNOT JUST IGNORE A LOVE CONFESSION. that is god awful writing and i will never change my mind on that. cas deserved his family to care about him. to at least address and be sad about the fact he was gone. jesus fucking christ after everything castiel deserved at least that. and then we go to 15.20. cas is in heaven. cas is serving god. cas is right back where he started. now, i’m coming off a little strong.
if the show had decided to show us cas and jack in heaven makin’ the world a better place… i woulda come around to it. i woulda realized that that’s not REALLY erasing 12 years of character development and cas realizing that his whole identity isn’t just him serving heaven and isn’t just him being an angel and that he’s so much more than all of that and he could still be happy as a human… because really he’s with his son. but they didn’t show us that. they barely even mentioned him. and to me. that counts as a bad character arc. and i’m sorry if you disagree. castiel may have gone on his own terms, but they treated that beautiful sacrifice with disrespect and disdain, plus resolved his arc by putting him back where he started. he deserved better.
tahani
*deep breaths guys this is a long post i’m sorry* anywayyyy tahani!!! we love tahani obviously. let’s talk about her arc, because it always kinda bothered me. throughout the show, we see all the other character’s growing and expanding their knowledge of right and wrong. and, don’t get me wrong. we see tahani grow a lot. but she makes a lot of the same types of comments and shit like that. but it’s how she treats the reactions to those comments. by the end of the show, she laughs at the caricature of herself that the others see. she isn’t looking for vindication in name-dropping, she just does it. she is far less self-absorbed, and is genuinely interested in those around her. she fixes her relationships with her sister and her parents in a way that doesn’t feel forced and actually feels like a beautiful, healthy family reunion.
she has a list and she does everything on it. it’s worth noting, that the things on her list are not at all what they would have been at the beginning of the show. most of them are humble “labor” type tasks, and all of them are in self improvement. tahani’s end on the show is not the same as everyone else’s. she realizes that she doesn’t need to be done. that there doesn’t have to be an end to self-improvement. and she becomes an architect. the writers perfectly embody her transformation from a self-obsessed rich girl who has never done a thing for herself and laughs at the lower-class to a down-to-earth worker that simply doesn’t want the journey to end.
it’s incredible how perfectly the writers were able to close off these character arc’s without it feeling forced, and without ignoring their character development. imagine that. tahani chooses her own way, and it’s beautiful.
jack
jack’s ending may be the only one that i’ve actually somewhat come to terms with. it’s not terrible. it’s not great. but it’s not nearly as bad. because ignoring that awful monologue about every drop of rain and shit, jack really does end up helping people. he ends up doing something that he loves and that makes the world a better place. and he doesn’t lose his personality in it. but. i dunno, that’s still his destiny, right? to create paradise. and this is a show about ripping up the rule book, about choosing free will above all else… so to have every single character just fulfill their destiny is cheap.
still… i’ll try to be unbiased. because really at the beginning of jack’s time on the show, he’s unsure what he wants. and at least, in the end, he’s sure. he has a wisdom that he’s always had but he’s now using. and i’m good with that. but what’s NOT okay about jack’s ending is the lack of on-screen family. jack learns that family is important. sam, cas, dean those are the people he cares about. and you’re telling me he would just NEVER see them again? and be okay with that? i know he rebuilds heaven with cas, but we don’t even get a story about him rescuing cas from the empty. and he seems in 15.19 to not be that concerned about it (after the amazing emotional scene at the beginning). jack should have cared about his family. he did. but they ruined that for him. so jack kline deserved better.
michael
oh man where do i start. michael’s growth is the biggest on the show. i mean. he starts as a literal demon and ends a human. he gets better, he falls in love with humanity (*castiel fan in me sobbing again*) and he chooses over and over to be good instead of bad. his whole arc is a classic redemption arc, and every single beat just gets better. he chooses selfishly to side with humans but in the end it turns out to be the best decision he could have made. because he develops emotions, he develops compassion, he develops a moral compass.
and his end reflects that. because to complete this arc of a demon becoming more human… he literally becomes human!!!! it fits so well. and he’s allowed to make mistakes and be happy and gain all that humanity has to offer. this just shows that human!endgame for cosmic beings that become more human WORKS SO WELL (and it shoulda happened for cas and jack that’s all i’m saying). michael went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.
eileen
oh boy… this one stings. because they brought her back, used her up, and we never saw her again. eileen was one of the best side characters on the show, and they rarely addressed her arc. she comes onto the show as a hunter seeking revenge, and gets that revenge in the same episode. her s15 arc is focused on what’s real and what’s not, with her relationship to sam admittedly being a central part of her character because… it’s supernatural and women can’t exist without that. but still! eileen grows throughout the show and in the end… we don’t even know what happens to her. it’s as if her arc wasn’t important enough to even glance at.
it’s as if the connections the boys make outside of each other mean nothing when in reality they mean everything. they prove that the co-dependency is behind them and that family doesn’t end with blood and that real connections can be formed between people that last a lifetime. eileen was a disabled hunter that was shown to still be one of the best in the business, and they didn’t even give her the courtesy of a goodbye. eileen didn’t go on her own terms, and she deserved better.
janet
this is gonna unbalance my list but goddammit janet’s ending was perfect. she was a not-robot, not-girl that should have been incapable of feelings. but throughout the series we get to watch as she learns first-hand about human emotions and processes them. she cares about the humans in her charge and fights for them on multiple counts.
in the end, we see janet come to terms with both her cosmic being side, and her human side. she never stops being with the “cockroaches.” she sees them all leave, she’s there for them while they’re there, and she also continues to speak her mind and live autonomously. janet was a non-human character done right. she lived on her own terms, and it was beautiful.
some honorable mentions
spn ignored (in the finale) chuck, amara, stevie, charlie, jody, donna, garth, bess, the other angels, claire, kaia, patience, alex, and the list goes ON in favor of focusing on JUST sam and dean. did none of those characters at least deserve a quick goodbye??????
the good place wrapped up multiple arcs i had completely forgotten about in a totally natural and not forced way. mindy, doug forester, (the mushroom guy, i know, it took me a second), pillboy, donkey doug, kamilah, tahani’s parents, eleanor’s mother, eleanor’s friends, chidi’s best friend, vicki, shawn, glenn, simone and so many that i’m forgetting all got satisfying ends that they totally deserved.
they even fucking resolved FROG GUY’S arc and gave him a real frog. that’s right. frog guy (jeff) had a better character arc resolution than dean motherfucking winchester.
heaven and hell
obviously in very different vehicles, both shows explore in depth the realities of the afterlife. and lemme tell ya, at the end of the day, one sits a whole lot better than the other.
the good place finale ends this quest for the perfect afterlife by saying that everyone can improve and that an eternal paradise shouldn’t keep you from eternal rest. they pretty much make me wish that this is what our afterlife looked like. they handle everything with care so it’s balanced precariously in a way that doesn’t give you anxiety looking at it but instead fills you with peace and faith in humanity.
supernatural addresses this series long battle between heaven and hell by creating a heaven where you drive for forty years without seeing the people (cough cough cas and jack not his parents) that matter to you and drink beer that tastes like shit. a place you can’t be happy or find any sense of peace until your brother has died and he’s there too.
and hell… well they barely even address it. there’s a new queen of hell i guess? but so what. it’s still very much heaven and hell in a way that’s the worst and hey plus to them… makes me wanna stay alive thank you very much. oh and purgatory is in shambles and not functioning properly cuz all that eve bullshit.
loose ends
whenever something is ending, you gotta tie up the loose ends. not in a “oh, we must wrap everything up and leave no stone unturned” kinda way but in a “wow, we should probably try to make this unambiguous because this is the last time we will ever see these characters” kinda way.
the good place does that. so fucking masterfully. all these side plots with all these different characters were taken care of all while focusing on the main six characters. we get to see how their intervention has changed everyone else. for example, mindy’s arc is wrapped up perfectly, with eleanor going to save her.
plus different running jokes like “take it sleazy” are wrapped up, we revisit really old callbacks like the original neighborhood, and all of it feels natural and in the moment. it feels like full circle in a way that doesn’t erase growth.
supernatural, on the other hand, left a million loose ends open. what happened to the boys they saved? where the fuck are jody, donna, etc.? did eileen make it back? cuz sam was pretty upset about that. what happened to it “being loud” in the empty? hell, what happened to the empty? what happened to hell? what about chuck? it woulda been nice to see just for a second what became of him. did charlie and stevie make it (i’m very invested in that relationship)? if we’re taking the original ending… why the fuck is jimmy there? did kansas just all,,, die?
i’m not saying they needed to address everything… but god a few wrapped up storylines besides the brothers wouldn’t have hurt
coloring
can i just… real quick… as a giffer lodge a complaint
the good place has beautiful vibrant coloring in the finale
spn has like bland washed out whatever the fuck that is coloring. it’s not even the dark early aesthetic cuz they dropped that it’s just… ew. so. do with that what you will.
conclusion
first… while writing this i realized just HOW MUCH it’s not about destiel… like believe me. i knew i wasn’t just pissed about destiel. but holy shit it’s not destiel at all like did i even mention destiel that much???? this was never about a ship. this was just a trash finale.
in the end. the good place writers knew what they were doing. they knew their fans, they knew their characters, they knew their world, and they knew how to wrap it up in a way that was satisfying and sad and perfectly fit the tone of the whole show. it wasn’t out of character or rushed, basically every loose end was tied up without the audience even realizing that’s what they were doing, and i feel happy and complete having watched it.
the supernatural ending was a betrayal. flat out. to the audience that has stuck by it in a way bigger way than the good place fandom. to the characters that have helped so many people. to the actors that have given so much of their lives. to the other members of the crew, to certain writers… all of it was just a slap in the face.
we deserved better guys. there are better endings possible. so i’m sorry. i really am. but i guess… that’s what fanfic is for, right?
#spn meta#spn wank#the good place#supernatural#somethingtosay#the good place gifs#spn gifs#meta#my writing#my meta#mine#my gifs#userpris#fieryfrankie#purgatoryking#chaoticdean#stardustsam#spncreatorsdaily#userannie#adorkabledean#usertila#tuserksn#usersila
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Warm Weekends
In which after a busy week, you get to spend your weekend together with your Genshin lover
Characters included: Lisa, Diluc x g!n s/o reader
Warnings: mentions of drinking, did not proof-read
Lisa
8:30 am... You are woken by your girlfriend, Lisa, the very well-known librarian in Mondstadt. "Good morning cutie~" she tells you with a smile on her face. Just by that moment, you felt so lucky to have Lisa as your lover. You decided to spend a few minutes tugging yourself on her chest, your arms hugging her close to you. You cherish these moments a lot, and so does she. Her head on top of yours, sometimes kissing the crown of your head. One of her arms are rubbing your back, and the other playing with your hair which feels so soothing.
9:00 am... The both of you stand up, together fixing your bed. She would comb your hair, and you comb hers. Doing so, you shower each other with compliments as well as some flirting here and there.
9:15 am... You and your lover make your way to the kitchen and start to cook breakfast. Lisa is a vegetarian so the both of you decided to make Satisfying Salad to eat this morning. After cooking, you then will offer Lisa a seat on the table. "How romantic of you, dear". While eating, the both of you discuss about how your week was. After eating, you would wash the dishes while Lisa cleans the table up and store left-overs if there are any.
9:53 am... You then take a bath with Lisa. Nothing suggestive happens. The baths you do with her are simply sweet and relaxing - it makes the both of you feel at peace. She would wash your hair, you would help her soap her back. Both of you would compliment each other about your looks. You love taking baths with her because she makes you feel accepted, secure and safe. Baths with her are indeed fun. After taking a bath, the both of you will then brush your teeth, comb your hair, and put on clothes together. Sometimes, you get to choose what she wears for the day. Today, you decided to wear a couple shirt with her. It is rare after all to see Lisa in a simple, comfortable clothing
10:34 am... You and Lisa make your way to the library, not to do work in the weekend but rather to have a library date. The both of you love to read, and well, if you did not love to read before, she definitely influenced you to do so. While reading, you both would discuss about history and theories about Teyvat and Celestia. Both of you found it fun.
1:43 pm... After reading and contemplating about the world, both of you go to Sara's Good Hunter and order some food. For today's late lunch, you ate Vegetarian Abalone with her. Some people would stare at the both of you, not to creep the couple out or anything but rather because you two look so good and cute together. At first, you were uncomfortable with the stares. But later on, you got used to it and came to the realization that you are just indeed so lucky to have Lisa as your future wife.
2:39 pm... After eating, Lisa decided that the both of you could take a walk outside Mondstadt to perhaps reconnect with nature. You and Lisa then go outside Mondstadt to travel. The both of you would go pick up flowers to give each other, admire lakes or waterfalls and go on top of a mountain to do some sightseeing. While gathering Cecilias, and some big leaves and strings, you then make a boquet to give to your lover on a mountain peak as the sun sets. It is simple, yet romantic. Very romantic. Lisa then somewhat felt bad because she did not have such gift to give to you even if you assured her that it is alright. As a result, she simply took a Windwheel Aster, cut some part of the stem, and put it on your ear.
7:22 pm... You both went back to the comfort of your home, and made Radish Veggie Soup to eat as your dinner. You and Lisa were exhausted from your date. Even so, you wish that Lisa enjoyed the date as much as you did. While her wish was to spend more time with you like this, instead of being busy doing librarian things and helping the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius even if she is not part of the Knights.
8:13 pm... You both wash up, wore your pajamas and prepared yourselves to sleep. Hugging each other, and talking about your day as you and Lisa drift to sleep.
"Thank you for today, darling. I really appreciate it. If only we get to spend more times like this together... I hope we do so in the future before our time comes. I enjoy your company so much, dear. Thank you. Good night."
Diluc
7:30 am... You woke up before Diluc did, giving you a chance to admire his beautiful face. Him being at peace, not worrying about anything, made you happy. After all, you rarely get a chance to see him like this. You planned to cook him breakfast, and so tried to get out of bed to make your way to the kitchen...well, tried. Diluc is a light sleeper so no matter how careful you were, your lover woke up because of your motions. You apologized and told him to continue sleeping. You continued to get out of your bed but Diluc wrapped his arms tightly onto you, pulling you back to bed with him. "It's alright... but please stay on bed a bit longer with me."
8:30 am... You ended up sleeping with him for an hour longer. It was hard for you to resist his morning voice, and his peaceful look asking you to stay. After falling back to sleep, you then woke up just to see your boyfriend's loving eyes admiring you while his fingers stroking your hair. "Good morning, dear", he says. You can't help but gently smile, realizing how lucky you are today to be able to spend a morning with the love of your life.
8:40 am... After a few minutes of cuddling (just like the touch starved the both of you are), you then decide to start cooking as Diluc fixes your bed. You decided to cook a dish named "Pile 'em up". The maids in Dawn Winery told you that they could cook breakfast for you and Diluc instead. But you insisted that you can do the cooking for today. This dish you are cooking is a dish that Diluc recently taught you, and so apparently is Diluc's specialty. It was special for you. It had a very nice smell, therefore, your partner recognized the dish your cooking. He then went to the kitchen, and hugged you from behind. His eyes staring at the dish, satisfied at your work.
9:11 am... You and Diluc ate breakfast together while talking about work and basically asking each other's life so far. Diluc would tell you stories about his batman Darknight Hero duties while you compliment him about his determination and hard-work. Mornings like this are very appreciated by you and your lover. It's a shame that in most days, Diluc would be working while you are eating alone at this hour.
9:43 am... After eating, you both took a bath. Unlike Lisa, you and Diluc doesn't really take baths together. As we know, Diluc is quite a reserved person. Don't get him wrong, he would like to take a bath with you...but is afraid to ask you about it since he does not want you to be uncomfortable. Poor boy, taking a bath with him is also one of your desires.
10:22 am... You often finish taking a bath before Diluc does. What do you expect? A man like him won't allow himself to go out with a single slightest dirt in his being. While waiting for him to finish, you comb your hair and wear your clothes. And once Diluc finishes taking a bath, you make him sit on a chair in front of a mirror to comb his hair in which you can't help but think what shampoo and hair care does this man use.
10:53 am... It may be a weekend, but the world sadly does not stop time and duties for the both of you. Though Charles often handles Angel's Share, he was given a day-off by Diluc because of Charles' personal matters. Since it is quite rare to have a day where you and Diluc can be together, you decide to go help Diluc in his tavern. Diluc was opposed with this idea at first because drunkards can really be a hassle, but you pleaded way too much that your lover can't just refuse anymore... look at the power you hold. You and Diluc then walk to Angel's Share, people staring and some one (to be specific, Donna.) death glaring at you with tears. You didn't mind anyways. Having Diluc as your boyfriend is a huge flex after all.
11:20 am... The two of you arrive in the tavern, cleaning it before opening. You can't help but stare at Diluc as the both of you wipe the tables. Diluc notices, and exchanged glances with you. He slightly smiles and walk up to you, putting his arm on your back. Pulling you to a kiss on the forehead.
11:30 am... Angel's Share opens. Since it was still morning, only two people came. Whenever these two drunk people gets too close and touchy with you, Diluc would realize and see your face full of discomfort. Diluc would then glare at them, enough to scare them and stop.
12:40 pm... You and Diluc close the doors of Angel's Share for a lunch break. You go to Sara to order food, as Diluc stays in the tavern cleaning the mess the drunk people made. You come back to the tavern with food as you lock the door. The two of you, then, eat on the counter. Everything about Diluc is truly admirable, so you can't help stare at him as he eats. Lucky you, he thinks the same of you. He adores it so much when you eat, especially when you try to cut the meat and struggle.
1:21 pm... You unlock the doors in the tavern, and start to receive customers. It may be an afternoon, but it is a weekend and Diluc is planning to close the tavern earlier today. Diluc starts to mix up drinks, while you take customers' orders and clean tables. Customers that are rude won't be avoided, they are drunk after all. If they get too rude, especially to you, Diluc would make up an excuse to kick them out. While cleaning tables, you'd catch Diluc staring at you. Whenever Diluc realizes that you notice his stairs, he quickly looks down at the glass he is cleaning with a faint pink blush on his face. how cute. This is basically your date. It's not the often romantic dinner dates, but you still appreciate and have fun. Knowing more about Diluc's life is good after all. Besides, you get breaks from time to time so you still get to sit on one of the chairs near the counter and talk to Diluc, maybe even giving him a peck on the lips when you are being called by one of the customers.
6:31 pm... There was only one customer left. Before the night approaches and more people attempt to come in and drink, Diluc quickly kicks the customer out and lock the tavern doors. You help Diluc clean up the tavern. He is the type to give back hugs, so you often receive them as you wipe tables, him kissing the top of your head. After the whole clean-up, the both of you walk back to your lover's mansion.
7:13 pm... You and your boyfriend were greeted by the maids with a fancy dinner set on the dining table. You and Diluc freshen up first, and then together headed to the table. While eating, he'd ask about how was your day. He would also ask you if there were customers who were mean to you or attempted to flirt with you. He trusts you, but in the end, he doesn't want to see the love of his life in a not-so-good condition. He wants you to feel safe and secure around him, and he succeeds on doing so. He wants the best for you. He is always there for you. And he always makes you feel that.
7:49 pm... After eating, Diluc and you wash up before going to bed. You were glad because today, you are able to sleep early with Diluc. Not having to wait for him to come at 3am due to his darknight duties. After being washed up, the both of you lay in bed. It won't be considered as sleeping with Diluc if there are no cuddling sessions for lots of minutes. Asking about if you need or want anything, and if there is something you want to get rid off your chest...what a perfect man. Sometimes, he would be the big spoon. Sometimes, he would be the small spoon. The both of you take turns. After conversations and cuddles, you eventually fall asleep as Diluc watches you sleeping, kissing your forehead and saying...
"Good night darling. I promise to protect and cherish you all my life. Thank you for bringing light to my world. I love you."
#genshin hcs#genshin headcanons#genshin x reader#genshin lisa#lisa x reader#genshin imagines#lisa minci#genshin diluc#diluc x reader#diluc ragnvindr#diluc headcanons#lisa headcanons#pandaluc#pandahcs
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You don't have to publish this if you don't want, but I'm just still hurting. I've never been so shockingly disappointed by a show's finale before. I'm still in shock by it, and it took some time for it to sink in that that was it. There's no "maybe next week's episode will be better, retcon this, etc." Nope, it's over. It's still too hard to watch old eps and remember how excited/optimistic I was about endgame. This thing that meant so much is now kinda just a footnote in my memory.
I am so, so sorry.
I’m alternately infuriated by the finale, and in complete denial of its existence. There is no other feeling worthy of... whatever the heck that was supposed to be.
I hope you can find some peace, at least enough to engage with the rest of the series and remember what you loved about it, what brought you hope and happiness in the past. 40 minutes of bad everything shouldn’t cancel out 15 years of show that had begun promising free will and vindication for everything TFW had been fighting for since day one.
When the finale effectively demonstrates what the ultimate big bad of the entire series would’ve wanted, I think it’s only fair-- especially after the penultimate episode showed that big bad defeated in every meaningful way-- that we can acknowledge that episode as irrelevant, meaningless, and disposable. The final big bad was lampshaded as The Author directing the entire narrative, and his story should’ve been rendered moot the moment his power was nullified. And yet in our universe there was still one episode of story to deliver. Someone had to articulate the characters’ choices in a world truly liberated from Authorial Intent. What we saw was An Author making choices FOR the characters, not anything that any of the characters would’ve chosen based on *waves hand at the entire previous 15 seasons of character development and growth.* So for me it’s been remarkably easy and liberating to just laugh and completely disregard the finale.
I know it’s not easy for others. I know how much hope we invested into actually SEEING Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack, Eileen... EVERYONE really... actually free enough to make their own life going forward, finally liberated from Chuck’s endless rounds of suffering. Instead they delivered the worst possible outcome in every way, where nobody actually achieved the promise of their stories, or got to truly enjoy the freedom they’d fought their entire lives for. The sheer absurdity of the finale, the fact that it was Just That Awful, in some ways makes it far easier for me to dismiss it as irrelevant to the rest of the series. If it had been even moderately, reasonably acceptable albeit still depressingly sad, I would be having far more difficulty just flat-out rejecting it from canon. But they really worked overtime to make it suck balls, and for that I’m kinda grateful...
I know it might not help in reality, since fic isn’t canon any more than actor statements or meta analysis is canon, but there are a multitude of wonderful alternate ending scenarios already posted here and on AO3. The fact the show chose to show us what would’ve happened had Chuck actually won and got the ending he’d been trying to squeeze out of the Winchesters for years anyway, even after his power was stripped from him, I think that renders the finale just as much a bit of fanfic as anything any of us has produced. And that pleases me.
And while we’re here, a bit of shameless self-promotion (I guess this is the “here’s my soundcloud” equivalent from twitter?): the alternate ending fic I’ve been working on since the finale aired is almost done. Well, technically the “this could actually be canon and completely replace the episode” bit IS finished, but I’m writing an episode coda chapter because I can do what I want. And I’m leaving it as an open-ended ‘verse that I’ll likely write in for years to come, because this is what COULD have happened, if the show hadn’t decided to take the worst possible route.
We all still have free will here in this universe, and we all have the absolute right to declare garbage garbage. If store-bought sucks, you can make your own. :’D
I hope you’re able to find peace, either by acknowledging that ending was craptacular and rejecting it, or by finding a way around it in canon (and canon has left us innumerable ways to explain the entire episode away from nightmares to djinn poison to witch curses to alternate universes to french mistake style scenarios-- the list goes on and on. I mean, for all we know, Dabb actually got his hands on Human!Chuck’s Supernatural Fanfic and just chose to present it in canon in our universe. The fourth wall break at the end of the episode kinda gives us blatant permission to see it that way. So I blame them, since they chose to both present something so absurd AND to tear down the wall between SPN and our universe in one fell swoop. For me, it took any power from the entire episode, and again, I’m kinda grateful to that shoving the curtain aside.
#spn 15.20#i know i've said all this before but it always merits repeating#i've found this cathartic and liberating and refuse to give this episode power#to destroy the best of what the show has always been for me#Anonymous
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40. [8:59 am]
➳ pairing: mark x reader
➳ genre/warnings: fluff, coffeeshop!au, barista!mark, side!jackson,yugyeom (being silly)
➳ word count: 2,038 words
➳ summary: “I made this for you”
➳ author's note: for @strxwberri-milk 💖 i truly truly appreciate you!!! :”) and thank you for indulging me with your story hehe i hope something similar to this happens to you 🤭
➳ inspired by: (no one asked but) the bookstore in hear, here!!
You were early.
On regular meetups with your friends or even your dreadful 9ams, you would be running at least fifteen minutes behind schedule.
Today, however, you were early.
Therefore it goes without saying that meeting your Chemistry lab partner in the café he worked at to discuss your upcoming report was anything but a regular meetup, especially because said lab partner is none other than Mark Tuan, also known as the intelligent, introverted shooting guard who mostly stuck to and looked after his group of six other basketball jocks. Or your crush for the academic year, for short.
Taking in a nervous breath of air, you reached for your phone and began to type.
[08:59] Me: Hey, I got here early. I’ll go inside first and save us a spot.
Your feet tapped against the pavement as you stood beyond the café doors, your fingers gliding across the screen as you began typing another text to describe your outfit, just in case he couldn’t spot you amongst the sea of café patrons. It’s busy on Saturday mornings anyway, you rationalised your decision to double text, who cares, right?
[09:00] Mark: Yellow jumper and white Converse??
He had beat you to it. Your fingers halted its motions, staring intently at the panic-inducing typing bubble.
[09:00] Mark: I like your outfit :)
[09:00] Mark: And good morning!!!
It took all the self-control you had within yourself to not jump into a little happy dance right in the middle of the street. Calm down, Y/N, your inner voice rang clearly through your fuzzy thoughts, it doesn’t mean anything. Don’t overread his texts. Don’t overthink. Don’t –
“So,” A deep mellifluous voice broke you out of your daydream, its owner’s head poking out of the doors with his signature charming smile as an invitation. “Are you going to come in?” Your ears not failing to pick up the slightly teasing lilt in his tone. “Or are you going to stand there?”
For a few moments, you slowly tilted your head up, staring at Mark with a mildly shocked expression. Mark, with his fluffy permed hair and neat barista outfit, a white button up, black apron and a tiny bowtie around his neck. Mark, holding the door open for you, welcoming you into the humble establishment with a guiding hand. “Ah, Mark. Hi.” The words awkwardly stumbled out of your lips as you stepped inside. “Thank you.”
It felt like you were stepping into another universe, eons away from the quiet neighbourhood beyond the double doors. The café was situated a distance away from your home, hence why you never visited until now, despite many of your classmates’ recommendations of the café for group study sessions. Being more of a library person yourself, you couldn’t imagine being able to focus in a place where customers were constantly entering and leaving, and people were allowed to talk over one another.
This café, you realised, was different. Its white-bricked walls were lined with shelves upon shelves of novels, with colourful volumes of all shapes and sizes on display. Most patrons seemed to be preoccupied with their own reading or chatting quietly amongst themselves, mindful to not disturb or distract others with loud noises. The atmosphere was peaceful; serene. The only audible sounds were the rhythmic whirring of the coffee grinder or the low whistle of the milk steamer, which didn’t bother you at all.
“What can I get you, Y/N?” Mark asked in a practiced manner. You followed him deeper into the café and admired its interior, which strongly resembled a bookstore. While you were busy perusing the selection of CDs behind the counter, you felt a clipboard being thrusted into your hands. It was the menu. “Should I choose instead? It’ll be a surprise.” He offered, noticing how your eyes glanced over the paper repeatedly, never settling on a single item.
“Yes, please.” You were simply spoilt for choice – there were one, two, three, eight choices of coffee beans and over ten varieties of tea! “I’m not picky. I like coffee and sweet things.”
“Breakfast?” Mark asked. You shook your head. “Leave it to the capable hands of the experienced barista. Go take a seat at the table by the window, I’ll join you real soon.”
Heeding his words, you made your way towards the French windows, but not before browsing through a table full of literary classics. As you sat down, you decided that this quaint little book café was not a bad place to study after all.
Which reminded you, you made the thirty-minute commute here to discuss the results from your Chemistry experiment. Pulling out your notebook, your chest was filled with the same pang of disappointment as yesterday when you found out Mark left early for an away game and was unable to join you for the experiment. He sent you a text full of apologies and pleading eyes emojis, the first one you received from him after exchanging numbers. It took you another three or four exchanges to realise that the real Mark was very different to the Mark you thought you knew. Who would’ve thought the boy you had only admired from afar, the one who always seemed to watch over his friends wordlessly, blending seamlessly into the background, would’ve been such an enthusiastic texter? He had thrown in a generous dash of emojis, a sprinkling of GIFs and one too many exclamation marks, which never failed to pull amused smiles out of you.
“Finally decided to change the flowers on that table, hyung?” A male voice questioned mockingly from behind a nearby bookshelf.
“About time he did…” Another voice chimed in.
“Shut up, Jackson, Yugyeom.” You heard footsteps approaching you and looked up from your neatly-drawn results table to catch a glimpse of the playful glare Mark shot at his co-workers-slash-best friends. You began to wonder whether your girl friends frequented this café due to the favourable ambience or the attractive baristas.
You gave him a little wave as Mark stood in front of you and set down the serving tray. Your eyes feasted on the stunning array of goodies it carried – a cappuccino with a stunning Rosetta pattern and heavy dusting of chocolate powder, two slices of chocolate mud cake, a plate full of scones, jam and cream, and a butter croissant. The small jar of fresh, seasonal blooms in the corner – roses, daisies, chrysanthemums, daffodils and buttercups in shades of white and yellow immediately drew your attention. They complemented the shade of your mustard jumper perfectly.
Mark carefully positioned the flowers on the table before offloading the rest of the tray’s contents. “Flowers for you, Miss Y/N.”
The more you were around him, the more he surprised you. You fought hard against the blossoming heat on the apples of your cheeks, reminding yourself again to not overthink his words. Perhaps he’s just like that with every girl he talks to, you figured, there is no way he’s flirting with me.
“Surprise!” Mark exclaimed, moving onto the seat directly opposite yours. “I got a little bit of everything, so I hope you brought your appetite with you. There’s our signature chocolate mud cake, super rich and moist, wonderful scones and homemade strawberry jam, and our flaky butter croissant. Oh! Here,” He pushed the large cup of coffee towards you. “I made this for you. Try it!”
His brown orbs sparkled and twinkled as he eagerly watched you pick up the hot beverage and place your lips on the cup. A strong whiff of fragrant aroma drifted into your nose as you took a sip, your tastebuds instantly flooded with the creamy deliciousness of the coffee. You may be biased, but it was undoubtedly the best coffee you’d ever had. “It’s really good!” You finally said after several long sips. “Why is it so good?” You wondered aloud to yourself.
“Because I made it with care and love.” Mark answered without missing a beat. Upon hearing his bold declaration, you halted all movements and simply stared at him, steadily swallowing your coffee and feeling the warm liquid travel down your throat. “It also helps that we only brew the finest coffee beans and use the highest quality, imported full cream milk. A matchmade in heaven, really, I – ” He paused, noticing your unwavering stare. “Sorry, am I boring you? It’s just that, I really do love my job and I love talking about it and I’ve also been told I talk too much when I’m nervous. Sorry.” Mark cringed, frowning apologetically while visibly shrinking into his chair.
“No! No, not at all. Don’t say sorry. Actually, I like hearing you talk. As in, you sound so passionate just then. It’s just, it’s nice to hear you talk?” You wanted to facepalm yourself. Perhaps you should just dig a hole in the ground and hide in it forever. At least that way you would never have to face him ever again.
“Is that so?” Mark sat up a bit straighter, the corner of his lips pulled into a wide, heart-stopping smile. The tiny pair of adorable canines poking out of his mouth were all too distracting. “Well, why don’t you dig into your breakfast while I run you through what I’ve done so far for the report? Try the croissant first, it’s a good one to start on, fluffy and light. Alright, I stole the titration results from Youngjae’s group and used it for the calculations.” He quickly pulled out a pile of papers from his apron’s pocket while you savoured the sweet pastry. You had to admit, you never expected Mark to get any work done after his game last night. His hardworking attitude and dedication amazed you. “I wrote out the hypothesis and the matching observations for each reaction, pretty straightforward. There’s also the equations at the other side of the page, here, along with the calculations. They were a bit of a pain and I am this close to finishing up but unfortunately there’s still two more left. I can finish it while you’re eating, though, no big – ”
“Mark,” You called amidst a small, polite mouthful of cake and a light giggle, pausing his lengthy monologue. “You’ve done so much already. Leave some work for me too! This is a group project, remember?”
“Ah, right. Sorry.” He apologised sheepishly, a hand coming up to rub against his neck, embarrassed. “I guess I just wanted to make it up to you. I feel really bad about leaving you alone yesterday, Y/N. I wish I was there, with you. I would choose to watch solutions turn purple with you over playing ball any day of the week.” Mark admitted sincerely.
“Why?” You breathed. Your brain had started to get ahead of itself and pieced together the clues he’d left. Apart from his voice and your drumming heartbeats, your ears blocked everything out.
“Because I want to spend time with you.”
“Like… right now?”
“Well – ”
“Hyung! Mark hyung! Hey,” Yugyeom came running towards your table in a hurry. “Sorry to interrupt your date but,”
“It’s not…” You started, your tone shy and your eyes refusing to meet Mark’s.
“Date, study date, whatever it’s called. Sorry, Y/N, but I have to steal Mark hyung for a moment.” Yugyeom turned towards said boy. “It’s an emergency. Jackson dropped an entire crate of teacups, they’re all broken.”
“He what?!”
“There was a bee, apparently! I don’t know, ask him! He got scared and freaked out.”
Mark closed his eyes and took a deep breath, suppressing his urge to bust out a string of profanities in front of you. Once he felt reasonably calmer, he faced you. “Forgive me, Y/N. I have to go clean up after a child. I’ll be back, okay? In the meantime, make sure you eat up.”
You nodded vigorously and motioned for him to go, understanding the urgency of the situation.
“I’ll bring you another coffee later!” Mark called over his shoulder, to which you responded with two thumbs up.
A date? You thought to yourself. I guess it is a date, after all… The sweetest of smiles brightened your face as you gazed fondly at the flowers, now viewing them in a new light.
#kwritersworldnet#got7creators#mark fluff#got7 fluff#mark drabbles#got7 drabbles#mark fanfic#got7 fanfic#mark imagines#got7 imagines#mark scenarios#got7 scenarios#mark timestamps#got7 timestamps#mark tuan fluff#mark tuan fanfic#mark tuan imagines#got7 x reader#mark x reader#kpop fluff#mark tuan#got7 mark#got7#got7 soft#mark soft
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jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation
Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.
The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao.
Happy New Years, everyone!
@25th, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do.
I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️
@biscuitwalk, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.
We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3
@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3
And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--
@lockhvrts, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!
@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN. I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart.
While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe
Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️
@noxdivina, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.
Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3
anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:
i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks 🧍♀️
(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)
@rokuseis, Sei, the Dumber.
i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL
BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.
I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3
@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee.
Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao
@zenien, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao.
You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what--
Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.
#for mutuals#mutuals don't ask about your titles i was being quirky LMAO#this took so long so i hope it works properly sksks#it hasn't been proofread so enjoy the mess
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Mother Mercury Part 4: So Take A Chance With Me, Let Me Romance With You
Summary: Important steps are taken in multiple relationships. More of Eve and Mel’s family life is revealed.
A/N: Yes, this fic is still alive! (Just...) After a very long hiatus during which I got a job, lived through one lockdown only to be plunged into a second one which still isn’t over nearly four months later, and utterly lost all inspiration for a while, I’ve finally finished this part (and persuaded myself to stop editing it). Yet again I’ve had to extend the part count, this part was supposed to run to the end of filming but I realised it was getting quite long enough as it was, so I split it into two. The next part’s maybe halfway done, so lord knows when that’ll be published, but hopefully soonish.
I’m not entirely sure about a couple of sections of this, but if I don’t publish it now I never will, and I really want to get to writing part 6 as soon as possible, so here you go. I’m also quite excited about finally sharing a couple of bits of Eve’s backstory that I haven’t been able to talk about yet because they were spoilers for this chapter.
A quick reminder if you’ve forgotten since the last chapter: this fic is based on the idea of Freddie having had a biological daughter via accidentally knocking up a woman while under the influence at a party. (If you’re just joining us, it’s mostly explained in part 3). If you don’t like that idea, move along now. Also, shoutout to @i-lay-my-life-before-queen, whose various Freddie fics were a big inspiration for this story.
Warnings: Discussion of age gap relationships, kids, Eve and her fam are meant to have cats but I forgot to write them in so they might have other pets next part, I have no idea what the word count is but it ain’t short
*******************************************************************************************The secret knowledge that there was a Mercury grandchild in their midst seemed to give the Bo Rhap cast a lift over the following weeks. This proved surprisingly useful, as those weeks were marked by a deterioration in working conditions on the set. The director, who'd seemed frequently out of sorts almost from the start of shooting, kept disappearing for longer and longer stretches, and when he was around the atmosphere was increasingly tense. Everyone tried to get on with their jobs, but the tension was utterly pervasive.
Mel had even noticed a growing nervousness in the relative isolation of the costume department. Her boss Barbara tried to reassure her, but even she was worried. "We can't keep on like this, the ADs can't do it all themselves. Apparently Singer says he's been taking care of his mother, but I don't think anyone believes him." "Surely he has to be sacked?" Mel suggested. "I hope so" Barbara agreed. "Hopefully the producers can make the studio see sense and replace him before too long. I don't think anyone can take much more of this."
Privately Mel wondered whether Roger and Brian might be able to help. They were executive producers after all. Then again, would the studio listen if they raised concerns about the director? Mel suspected not, in normal circumstances. But she got the feeling plenty of people on the set would be voicing similar complaints before long. Perhaps Roger and Brian leading the charge would be enough to convince the studio take action. Mel only hoped something would be done sooner rather than later.
In the meantime, Mel and Ben could at least take comfort in each other. They’d quickly reached the point of spending nearly every night together, and now, after only a little over a month, Ben was wondering whether it was too soon for the ‘relationship’ conversation. He didn’t think it was, really, and he very much wanted to take the next step with Mel, small though it might be, but he was still plagued by nagging doubt about the age gap between them.
Ben tried very hard to keep his mind on work while he was on set, but the combination of a light day and an impending date that would be a very good opportunity for that important conversation had left him very preoccupied. He managed to get through the few takes he had to shoot without incident, but he knew the rest of the band could tell something was up even before he took the first possible opportunity to escape to his trailer during the break. He was hoping to be able to brood in peace, but that idea went out the window when he bumped into Roger en route. Normally this would have been a welcome coincidence, but today Ben was not in the mood. Not that Roger noticed.
“Ben! Just the man I was looking for. Just wanted to see how you’re going with the preparation for that next performance scene coming up. It’s a pretty straightforward song, but there’s a couple of…” The older man trailed off when he noticed his portrayer wasn’t listening. “Earth to Ben? You still here?” Ben started at the sound of his name. ‘Wha-? Oh, sorry, spaced out for a minute there.” Roger chuckled. “Yeah, just a bit.” There was silence as Ben realised they’d arrived at his trailer. “D’you wanna come in, chat in the warmth?” he offered. “Thanks” Roger replied, following through the door. The second Ben closed it Roger rounded on him.
“Right, what’s going on?” “What?” Ben was confused. “Something’s bothering you” Roger explained. Suddenly he softened slightly. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but talking about it might help.” Ben hesitated. He did want to spill his guts about his dilemma, but he wasn’t sure Roger was the best choice of confidant. So he stalled. “How can you tell?” “That you’re worrying? You were obviously miles away before, you weren’t actually hiding it” Roger explained. Ben was suddenly ashamed. “Sorry.” “It’s fine” Roger assured him. “So, what’s on your mind? Is it that prick of a director? I can talk to-” “No, no, it’s not work” Ben said unthinkingly. His eyes widened when he realised what he’d just said. “Oh shit.” He’d really done it now: Roger suddenly looked very interested, and perhaps a touch… was that really concern in his eyes?
“Not work…” Roger echoed wonderingly. “Love life then?” He smiled as he saw a flicker of alarm cross Ben’s face. “Ah, definitely love life.” “If… if I tell you will you keep it secret?” Ben asked nervously, eyes wide with worry. “Of course” Roger assured him. “Now, spill. It’ll help, truly.” Ben sighed. “Well, alright then.”
“The thing is, well, me and Mel are… going out, I suppose” he explained. Roger smiled triumphantly. “I knew it, I knew there was something-”“It’s been a month now” Ben went on, ignoring Roger’s crowing. “And I want to be official, but I just… I’m not sure.” Roger was puzzled. “Why not?” “Because of the age gap” Ben clarified. “I’m worried it’s too much. She’s only 21, and I’m… nearly 27 really, and I just… I don’t know.”
Roger stared at him. “That’s not actually much of a gap, you know.” “Well it feels like one” Ben countered grumpily. “I’m sure it does” Roger soothed. “But why does it bother you so much?” Ben looked at Roger as if he was mystified at the older man’s lack of understanding.“An older man with a younger woman’s supposed to be bad, isn’t it?” “You’re asking the wrong bloke, mate” Roger chuckled. Ben suddenly looked horrified. “Oh lord, I forgot, I didn’t mean-” “It’s fine, I know what you meant” Roger assured him. “I used to hear it a lot, when I started seeing Debbie. She was only 25, you know, and I was nearly 40.” “That… 21 and 27 seems like nothing next to that” Ben mused. “It’s not nothing” Roger assured him. “But it seems like more of a gap because she’s so young.” “More of a gap?” Ben questioned. Roger nodded. “Look, if you heard about a 27-year-old woman and her 33-year-old boyfriend the age difference would hardly register, would it?” “I s’pose not” Ben agreed.
“But you know why people get worked up about young women and older men? They worry the men are taking advantage of their younger immature partners who won't fight them because they don't know any better.” Suddenly Roger peered seriously at Ben. “Now, does Mel seem like a girl who’s easily led into doing things?” “No” Ben declared. “I’m not sure anyone could ever force her to do something if she didn’t want to do it.” Roger grinned. “Thought so.” “I’d never try to, either” Ben added defiantly. “Of course not” Roger agreed. “So, you know there’s no… unhealthy power dynamic, shall we say, and she's not overly immature, is she?” Ben grinned. “Definitely not. She’s a lot more mature than I was at 21. Maybe even more than I am now…” “Women mature earlier” Roger replied, nodding sagely. “Anyway, there’s clearly nothing wrong there, so why not take things further?” “But people might say-” Ben protested. “Oh, bugger that” Roger interrupted. “People say a lot of things, most of them absolute rubbish, there’s no point listening to any of them.” Ben knew, in his heart, Roger spoke the truth.
“Look Ben, you’re not wrong to think about these things, but I know you’re not the sort of man to try and push a woman around” Roger pointed out. “And I’ve seen you and Mel together, you…” Suddenly his voice softened, and he looked at Ben fondly. “You’ve got something special there. I think. If I were you, I wouldn't want to give that up so easily” Ben smiled, significantly reassured. “Thanks Roger.”
That very evening Ben and Mel had dinner at his flat, and a very important conversation. Mel was absolutely thrilled to officially be Ben’s girlfriend, and shared almost none of his concerns about the age gap. Much to Ben’s relief, she was happy to take things slowly from hereon in, though she was a little surprised at his request.
“It’s not you” he assured her. “I just… my last relationship I was with her for nine years, and we only broke up at the start of this year, I wasn’t looking for this to happen again so soon. But…” “I know” Mel said softly. “Neither was I.” There was a slightly awkward pause as they reflected on the unexpected events of the last few months.
“Can I- Can I ask what happened?” Mel asked hesitantly. “I mean, nine years…” “It’s ok” Ben reassured her. “We were teenagers when we got together” he explained. “Kids really. It was good for a while, but we just sort of… grew in different directions. Too different, in the end.”
“Well that’s…” Mel wasn’t quite sure what to say. She almost felt bad for even asking, but Ben assured her it was only human to be curious about these things. Even so, a distinct awkwardness had settled in the air, but fortunately Mel was soon able to change the subject.
“As we’re… official… now, how would you feel about meeting my family?” Ben was surprised. “Isn’t it a bit soon for that?” “Maybe,” Mel shrugged. “But we’ve got the Thanksgiving break coming up, and we always have a big family supper then, it’d be nice if you were there.” Ben was still uncertain. “As long as you think I won’t be intruding, or anything…” “You won’t” Mel assured him. “Besides, you’ve already met my mum, it’s not like you’re a total stranger.” “I s’pose not” Ben agreed, grinning.
He paused, suddenly thoughtful. “Why do you mark Thanksgiving, though? It’s not a British holiday.” “No” Mel agreed. “Have you heard of a guy called Joe Fanelli?” she asked. Ben nodded. “He was one of the ones who lived with Freddie, wasn’t he? The… chef, or something.” “Well, he was American” Mel explained. “He introduced the others to the tradition, and then Jim and my mum sort of kept it up.” Mel’s expression rapidly grew sad. “Joe died of AIDS too, only months after Freddie” she said softly. “The first year they decided to do a dinner to commemorate him… it was around Freddie’s anniversary too, it was always a time they wanted to be together.”
“I’d forgotten about that anniversary” Ben commented. “It’s Gwil’s birthday too, we might be busy that day…” “Poor Gwil” Mel joked. “Mum should be alright though, Vi’ll make sure she’s with her.” “Vi?” Ben echoed. “Mum’s wife” Mel explained. Ben looked shocked. “Wife?” Mel smiled mischievously. “Did you really expect Freddie Mercury to produce a straight child?” she quipped. Ben couldn’t help grinning; she had a point. His smile vanished when he noticed how Mel was looking at him, almost pleading with her eyes.
“Will you come then?” she asked softly. “To Thanksgiving supper?” “Of course” Ben told her, smiling reassuringly. Suddenly his expression shifted to a look of near-panic. Mel was instantly concerned. “What’s wrong?” “You’re not expecting to meet my family any time soon, are you?” he questioned. Mel shrugged. “Not if you don’t want me to. I mean, of course I want to, but I’m happy to wait if you’re not ready.” Ben exhaled in relief. “Oh good.” Mel suddenly glared at him. “I do want to introduce you to them at some point” he hurriedly clarified. “But I'm not ready to just yet, and I don't think they are either." "You don't think they're ready to meet me yet?" Mel questioned. "Why?" Ben sighed.
“It’s just… my ex, I was with her for so long, they all thought I was gonna marry her” he explained. “They really wanted me to marry her, actually. My parents absolutely loved her, I think they're still getting over the fact that she's not going to be their daughter-in-law.” “So you think they might not be entirely ready to hear you’ve found someone new” Mel suggested. Ben nodded. “I actually haven’t even told them about you yet.”
Mel grinned. "Should I be worried?" Ben shook his head. "No, no, they'll be fine" he assured her. "I just… this is still pretty new, y'know, I don't want my mum getting overexcited about us too early." Mel nodded. "That's understandable. I mean, I hope this lasts, but it has only been a month. And I know you've just agreed to meet my family, but I think Mum's planning to get you all round for tea at some point, so you'd be meeting them sooner or later anyway.” "I suppose.” Ben agreed. Suddenly he smiled softly. “By the way, I hope this lasts too."
Later, having finished dinner with much less serious chatter, Ben and Mel agreed that, happy though they were, it would be best to continue keeping their relationship quiet for the time being. This was exactly the kind of news that would travel extremely fast on the set, and Mel had absolutely no desire to find out what her bosses would say if they knew she was in a relationship with one of the stars of the movie. Ben was almost certain it wouldn't actually be an issue, but he knew if word did get out he wouldn't be the one bearing the brunt of any consequences. And he wouldn't put it past Singer to be an asshole about normally inconsequential things like on-set relationships.
Both Ben and Mel wondered whether their buoyant moods and satisfied smiles would give them away at work the next day. Fortunately, the attention of the rest of the band was diverted by the twin distractions of yet more unpleasantness from the director, and another set visitor.
Rami had assured Eve she would be welcome to stop by any time, but since her first fateful visit a month ago she simply hadn’t been able to find the time for another, until now. Naturally, Rami was thrilled to see her. “Eve! You made it!” She could see his grin from a mile away as she approached the wardrobe van. She trotted over eagerly, but when she got close enough to see his outfit she stopped in her tracks.
Rami was wearing the moustache today, and a short wig. For a moment, Eve thought she was seeing things. She’d known there was a resemblance, of course, but this was like looking into a time warp. “Are you alright?” Rami’s concerned voice cut through her reverie, breaking the spell. Eve suddenly realised she was getting teary. “I’m fine, I just… I never realised how much you look like him, with the moustache and all” she said, rather awed. Rami was confused. “But… you’ve seen me in costume before?” he questioned. “The glam rock days were before my time though” Eve explained. “But the 80s look… that’s the Papa I knew.” Understanding suddenly dawned on Rami’s face. “Oh of course. I, uh… Sorry?” “Don’t be” Eve assured him. “You’re doing nothing wrong.” Rami’s expression suddenly grew more thoughtful. “I just hope I can do him proud.” Eve smiled. “Oh, you will.”
Eve was quickly sent back to Rami’s trailer to see the rest of the band. She wasn’t terribly surprised to see her daughter there too, sitting apparently very comfortably on Ben’s lap. Mel was of course pleased to see her mother, though she couldn’t quite shake the feeling she and Ben were on the brink of being revealed to the rest of the band. Perhaps she shouldn’t have sat in his lap, but then nobody else had batted an eyelid at their apparent cosiness. At any rate her mother had shot her a wry glance when she noticed where her daughter was sitting, but said nothing. Maybe we'll get away with it this time, Mel thought to herself.
The band all greeted Eve warmly when she arrived, and they were soon chatting happily about all the happenings she’d missed on-set, good and bad. Mel wasn’t surprised to see her mother grow incensed at the way the director had been behaving in recent weeks. “All that and they still haven’t sacked him?” she exclaimed. “He’s on thin ice now” Rami assured her. “One more disappearance’ll probably get him fired.” “We live in hope” Joe quipped. “This is a good movie, but boy am I glad it’s nearly Thanksgiving, I am so ready for a break.” Eve smiled. “Looking forward to the holiday, then?” Joe nodded. "So much."
Still smiling, she turned to her daughter. “The little ones are so excited about the big dinner this weekend, they’ve been missing their big sister.” “I’ve been missing them too” Mel told her. “I’ve just been so busy lately… it’s been too long since I’ve been home.” Suddenly Mel noticed the rest of the group eyeing her curiously, apparently unsure whether to speak. Eventually, Ben cleared his throat, breaking the sudden silence.
“Ah, the little ones?” he asked casually, not wanting to sound too interested in Mel’s personal life in front of the others. “My other kids” Eve explained. “They’re a lot younger than her, so she’s always been the big one and they’re the little ones.” There was a sudden outbreak of nods of understanding, before Rami spoke up. “So, how old are they?” “Well, my son just turned eight and my other daughter is three” Eve told him, her face alight with affection.
“That is little” Gwilym commented sympathetically. “Yeah, but she’s very sweet” Mel assured him. “Most of the time” Eve quipped. Meanwhile, Joe was smiling slightly. “Eight’s a cool age though, I bet your son’s getting into sports and stuff now” he said, half-questioningly. “Yeah, he’s becoming a big football fan lately” Eve agreed, grinning though she sounded almost regretful. "I’ve never been that interested in it, actually, but my wife’s football-mad, so she’s pretty happy."
A slight ripple of shock went through the group at Eve’s reference to a wife, apart from Ben, who desperately hoped his lack of surprise at this revelation wasn’t too conspicuous. Eve herself was simply amused at the effect of her words. “You know, I honestly forgot that you lot didn’t know about Vi” she commented. “It’s fine” Gwilym assured her. “We just weren’t expecting it is all.” Eve grinned. “Given who my father was it shouldn’t have been that surprising” she quipped, to general murmurs of agreement. “But never mind that now.”
She paused, turning towards Rami. “I’m guessing all the Americans are going home for Thanksgiving?” Rami nodded. “Yeah, why?” Eve smiled. “I was going to say that if anyone was feeling lonely over the break, they’d be most welcome to spend it with us” she said kindly. “But I suppose everyone’s accounted for already.” “Pretty much” Rami confirmed. “Ah well, I’ll have to have you all round for tea some other time” Eve declared ruefully. Mel surreptitiously flashed Ben a look that quite clearly said 'I told you so.' The others merely smiled. “That’s very kind of you” Gwilym commented. “Perhaps we could make it a celebration, when the film wraps.” The others nodded, murmuring enthusiastically. “Good idea” Eve agreed.
“In the meantime, if any of you have any questions or anything, do feel free to ask” she added. “I have one” Joe said, rather uncertainly. “Do you know John Deacon at all?”
Both Eve and Mel instantly cracked near-identical knowing grins. Joe stared at them suspiciously. “What?” “We know him very well” Mel told him calmly, evidently enjoying Joe’s confusion.
“He and Veronica are practically my other parents” Eve explained. “When Papa died he sort of entrusted me to them. Well, to John, mostly.” “Entrusted?” Joe questioned. “He knew I needed a father figure, and he gave John the job” Eve clarified. “John and Veronica raised me just as much as Mum and Papa.”
Suddenly Eve smiled mischievously. “And then I repaid them by having a baby at 16 who they also practically raised.”
Joe grinned as understanding finally dawned. “That’s how Luke knows you, isn’t it?” he asked Mel, who smiled fondly. “Yeah, I sort of grew up with him and Cameron” she explained. Joe nodded as he turned back to Eve, uncharacteristically nervous.“Could I… could we, I mean…?” “Talk about Uncle John?” Eve suggested. “Of course. Let’s have lunch some time so we can chat properly, it could be a very long conversation.” Joe grinned with relief he hadn’t been shot down. “Thank you” he said simply, before his jaw suddenly dropped as the full details of Eve's response finally registered.
“Wait, ‘Uncle John’?” “I told you, we’re very close” Eve explained, with a slight laugh at Joe’s surprised expression. “Now, does anyone else have any other questions while I’m here?”
There was a pause while the rest of the cast considered the offer, before Lucy cautiously spoke up. “D’you have anything to do with Mary Austin, ever?” “Not anymore” Eve said darkly.
“So you did once?” Lucy questioned. “She used to visit a lot, when I was a kid” Eve clarified. “Looking back I think Papa probably wanted us to be close, but I’m not sure she ever did.” Lucy was surprised. "She wasn't… did you get on with her, at least?" "Oh, she was perfectly nice to me when Papa was around" Eve said airily. "And, I mean, I was a child, I took everything at face value then. But after Papa died, and I got a bit older, I started to realise a bit more about what she'd been up to, even back then."
"What she'd been up to?" Lucy echoed. "I think she always sort of resented me" Eve explained. "Obviously she knew none of this was my fault, but I think I still reminded her of all the things she would never have with Papa, …everything she'd thought they'd have together, before he realised the truth."
Lucy was taken aback. “That’s… actually quite sad, really” she said thoughtfully. “I just wonder, you know, I’ve heard such different things… some people say she was just very devoted to Freddie, but then often she’s painted as quite selfish, happily using the connection to her own advantage.”
Eve nodded. “Oh yes, she’s definitely not the devoted angel some people seem to portray her as.” Lucy merely nodded, but Rami was honestly a bit shocked. “She’s not?” he questioned. “But I always thought they loved each other very deeply?” “Oh they did, very much” Eve confirmed. “But that doesn’t mean she wasn’t capable of getting nasty to other people.”
“Can I ask how nasty?�� Lucy said gently. “I’m sorry if that’s a bit forward of me, it’s just I’ve heard a few rumours about things she did after Freddie died, but no-one seems to know exactly what went on…” “It’s fine dear, I don’t mind” Eve reassured her. “Don’t share this around, but she tried very hard to challenge Papa’s will.”
The others were baffled. “Why would she do that, though?” Gwilym asked. “Because Papa left a lot of his estate to me” Eve said simply. “And she felt she was owed a bigger share than she was given.” “Owed?” Lucy echoed. “For everything she’d lived through with him” Eve clarified. “This is just my opinion, of course, but in hindsight I think some part of her always blamed Papa for things not working out between them. Even so, she was happy enough being the most important woman in his life, until I came along and knocked her down a spot. So in her view he owed it to her to give her something to make up for her suffering.” Eve’s voice was laced with contempt.
Lucy’s curiosity, meanwhile, was thoroughly piqued. “When you say she felt owed something…was she after something in particular?” she asked Eve. “She wanted the house” Eve revealed. “I was only eleven, so I couldn’t actually own it for several years, but Papa and Miami had set up a trust to hold everything until I came of age. At any rate Papa’s wishes were very clear, but Mary claimed that Papa had told her she would get the house and I would get the money, or something.”
Eve suddenly smirked. “Needless to say, Miami knew it was utter rubbish” she explained. “So then she tried to say he’d wanted her to live in the house until I inherited it, because she had a 'proper family' or something but that didn’t work either.” Suddenly Eve sighed. “Eventually she started threatening to challenge the will in court” she said sadly. “My mum never liked Mary much, actually, but I don't think I fully understood why until she did that.”
“So what happened?” Lucy asked, utterly intrigued. “It never went to court” Eve revealed. “Mary had absolutely no proof of anything being wrong with the will, no lawyer would touch it." "And the house?" Rami asked. Eve grinned. "Is mine to this day."
The band, Allen, and Lucy exchanged amazed looks. Meanwhile, Mel cracked a Cheshire Cat grin, knowing what they were all thinking. “So that means… you're the mysterious 'Lady of Garden Lodge' Rami marvelled.
Eve looked so baffled at this he immediately felt the need to explain. "I read a bunch of articles for research, some of the more recent ones talk about the situation with the house now, the bits they've heard at least." Eve nodded in understanding. "I know dear, I'm just surprised you'd heard any of that stuff."
Rami shrugged. “Oh, you know, I wanted to read all I could, it’s all useful.” Eve snorted. “I doubt the bits from the tabloids were terribly helpful.” “Not so much” Rami conceded. “But it’s still… I don’t know, I found it interesting seeing how they tended to present him, how it changed over the years.” At that Eve smiled mischievously. “Yes, I know. What fascinates me is the fact none of them have ever quite managed to put all the pieces together and guess who I actually am.”
“Surely that’s a good thing though, if you can stay anonymous and live a normal life” Gwilym pointed out. “It is” Eve agreed. “But it means I’m always wondering whether today’s the day someone gets a photo of me, or sees something, and works it all out. And any time I see Papa in the tabloids again I have to look, just to see if they’ve finally got the real story this time.” The others were rather taken aback at this. They’d never really considered what it would be like to live with a secret like Eve’s.
“I hate to say this,” Rami said, sounding distinctly uncomfortable, “but if this movie does as well as they’re hoping, it might mean…” He trailed off, unsure how to word what he wanted to say. “It might mean what?” Eve asked urgently. “It might mean more interest in Freddie, from the public” Rami explained. “Which would also mean-” “More interest from the tabloids” Eve completed. “I realise that’s a possibility” she assured him. “And I’ve got contingency plans set up if need be. If the secret does get out, I’ll be alright.”
Rami was reassured, but he also realised he’d never really considered the broader implications of making a movie to put Queen back in the public consciousness. Of course, the movie could still flop, it wasn’t even finished shooting yet, but deep down he really did think it could do well once it was completed. And he was beginning to wonder, if it was a hit, just how much it would affect everyone’s lives.
The next day marked the final day of shooting before the break. That evening, Ben stayed over at Mel’s to celebrate. But she had some slightly unexpected news.
“Mum told me to tell you Luke and Cameron Deacon are coming to supper tomorrow” she announced over dinner. “Okay” Ben replied uncertainly. “Should I be worried?” he joked. “No, no, they just want to get to know you” Mel assured him. Ben smiled gratefully before growing thoughtful.
“So it’s just your family and them tomorrow, no other guests I should know about?” Mel nodded. “Yeah, just them. All the Deacons have a standing invitation, but the rest of the kids are all busy, and Uncle John’s never in a social mood in late November…” Ben hoped he didn’t look too relieved at this news. “Oh, of course not.” Suddenly Mel smiled knowingly. “You will get to meet him eventually” she told Ben. “But I don’t think we’re at that point just yet.” “There’s no rush” Ben assured her.
The following day was largely spent relaxing at Mel's place, both Ben and Mel luxuriating in not needing to be anywhere for a change. Ben rather liked Mel’s house. He always enjoyed coming downstairs of a morning, padding into the kitchen, and being able to look out into the garden over his first coffee of the day, and that morning was no exception.
He'd gotten as far as sitting at the dining table with his cereal, looking over the living room and trying to ignore the fluffy white cat staring at him from the next chair, when Mel joined him. She smiled when she spotted the cat.
"I see you've got company already." "I think Mab'd rather I wasn't here, honestly" Ben commented. "No, no, she likes you a lot" Mel assured him. "She's just… trying to work you out." Ben smiled slightly. "Does she like me as much as her human does?" he joked. Mel grinned. "Almost" she quipped. "But I think her human likes you juuust a bit more."
Their banter was suddenly interrupted by loud purring emanating from beneath the table. Strangely, Mab hadn't moved from her prime perch. Mel, totally unphased, reached under the table to pat the sleek black cat rubbing himself on her legs. "Morning Jupiter" she said cheerfully. But Jupiter withdrew from her hand almost immediately, leaping onto the chair at the end of the table, directly opposite Ben. "Not in a parting mood today" Mel commented. Ben smiled. "Ah well, at least he's happy to look at me now." "He's come a long way" Mel agreed.
Jupiter had taken a while to warm up to Ben. The first time the blond stayed over he'd taken one look at the strange new person and fled upstairs, remaining in his bed in the study on the top floor of the house until Ben finally left the next morning. It had taken another two visits before he would finally choose to stay in the lounge room while Ben and Mel were watching the telly together. Even now he tended to keep his distance, though he would happily greet the couple if they arrived home together.
After breakfast the day wandered on in a lazy, unhurried sort of way. However, as the afternoon drew on Ben was increasingly aware of the time, keen to make a good impression by not being late to supper. Mel, though, wasn't phased. "We don't have far to go, it's only round the corner" she reassured Ben. “I know” he told her. “I’m just being nervous and paranoid, I’ll be fine.”
As he started to busy himself getting ready for the evening a thought occurred to him. "Say, why are you so close to your mum's? Is that just coincidence or-?" "It's not coincidence" Mel told him. "This used to be my gran's house, she left it to me when she died." "Your gran’s house?” Ben echoed.
Mel nodded. “She and Mum lived with Freddie for a few years, but after he got sick and the paparazzi started hanging around, they had to move out” she explained. “But Freddie wanted them close by so it would be easy for him to see Mum as much as possible in the time he had left, so he bought this place for them.” Ben’s jaw dropped.
“I knew he was generous, but a house?” he marvelled. Mel grinned. “Yeah. But he and Miami arranged it so it was his money, but the house was in Gran’s name.” Ben looked baffled. “Less conspicuous that way” Mel added hurriedly. “Wouldn’t raise as many awkward questions if people found out.” Ben nodded, considering the recent revelations.
“She renovated it a bit, later on” Mel reminisced. Ben nodded. “I noticed.” The first time he visited he'd realised the open plan kitchen and living room must have been the product of a later redesign of the old row house.
“I think once Mum took over the big house, after I came along, she realised she wanted her own space, set up the way she wanted” Mel mused. “She was always happy to have me round though.” She smiled. “I just about moved in when I did my A-levels. Lavender was born that year, I was a bit desperate for some peace and quiet.” "So the spare room used to be yours, then?" Ben asked. "No, I had the room up the top" Mel explained. "So I could stay separate from the other goings-on in the house while I was studying."
By the time they were ready to go Ben had managed to calm most of his nerves. But as they began the short walk to Eve’s house a worrying thought occurred to him. “Hey love, I’m about to meet your family but you’ve said nothing about your dad all week” he pointed out, trying to sound casual. Mel looked him over curiously. “My father,” she said pointedly, "won’t be there tonight, if that’s what you’re wondering."
Ben was slightly surprised at this. Though he'd never asked, he got the impression Eve had split up with Mel's father many years ago. However, he knew so little about Mel's family that he wasn't at all clear on the kind of relationship she and Eve might have with her father.
“He won’t?” he asked curiously. “He’s not in our lives any more” Mel clarified. “He left Mum when I was only a baby which could've been fine, but then he fucked off to New York when I was eight and I’ve hardly seen him since.” “That’s really shit” Ben sympathised. Mel shrugged. “True, but he was barely around even before he left, I mean, he left for uni when I was only a year old” she explained. “It didn’t make much difference to me, really.”
Ben was still considering the implications of this when Mel’s irritated voice cut through his thoughts. “Look, can we talk about something else, I really don't want to think about my father tonight." Ben smiled apologetically. "Of course. I'm sorry I brought him up now." Mel smiled reassuringly. "It's okay" she told Ben. "You couldn't have known what you were wading into."
At this point Ben was mildly surprised to find they were almost at the threshold of Garden Lodge. “It’ll be fine, you’ll be a hit” Mel said encouragingly, spotting his nervous expression. Ben wasn’t so sure, but there was nothing to be done about that now. He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.
Eve beamed when she let the happy couple in. “Welcome to the manor” she joked. Mel immediately started asking about her younger siblings, but Ben stared around, trying not to be too overawed by the period splendour surrounding him. It was… well, it was definitely fancy, but still stylish, rather than ostentatious.
He was shaken from his reverie by a nudge from his smirking girlfriend. “Nice, isn’t it?” “Yeah, it’s… I was expecting it to be a bit, you know… but it’s very, um, elegant” he agreed. Eve smiled. “Thank you, dear.”
She led the guests through the house to the main sitting room, where the rest of the family was waiting. Ben had barely registered the three figures standing by an antique sofa when a little girl with long sandy hair came barrelling towards Mel.
“Mellie!” she cried happily, only to stop short when she noticed Ben. “Who’s dat?” she asked, suddenly uncertain. Mel immediately swooped down to pick her up. “Lavvie, darling, it’s alright, this is my friend Ben” she explained, settling the child against her chest. “This is Lavender” she added quietly to Ben. “She’s a bit shy with new people.” “Hello Lavender” Ben said gently. Lavender smiled shyly at him, but quickly turned away, burying her head in Mel’s shoulder.
Meanwhile Ben’s attention was quickly drawn by Eve clearing her throat. He looked up to find her standing next to a tallish woman with a friendly face and fine golden-brown hair cropped short, who was accompanied by a dark-haired boy who was evidently at the awkward in-between 'older kid' stage, not quite on the threshold of adolescence just yet, but clearly no longer a little kid either.
“This is my wife, Violet, and our son, Jamie” Eve introduced. Ben smiled as he shook Violet’s hand. “Pleasure.” “It’s lovely to finally meet you” Violet said warmly. “I’ve heard plenty about you.” “All good things” Mel assured him, noting his worried expression. “I’m glad” Ben joked, moving over to shake Jamie's hand.
Jamie shook politely while regarding Ben with curiosity. "D'you like football?" he asked. "I do" Ben told him. Jamie smiled. "Who's your team, then?" "West Ham" Ben replied. "Oh, they're rubbish" Jamie declared, clearly dissatisfied with Ben's answer. Mel smiled apologetically at her boyfriend, who merely gave her hand a quick squeeze to assure her he was fine as he continued the conversation.
He did feel slightly out of place, not having much experience with kids, but Jamie was quite chatty, and clearly enjoying the attention. At any rate the time passed very quickly, and it wasn't long before the doorbell rang again and Eve was leading the two youngest Deacon children into the sitting room.
Ben was slightly nervous when they were introduced, knowing Mel considered them both her big brothers. He'd already met Luke, of course, albeit briefly, and he wasn't sure he'd made a particularly good first impression that day. Luke, though, greeted him warmly, and it was soon clear that Cameron was just as friendly and welcoming. Nonetheless, Ben couldn't quite shake the impression they were here in large part to scrutinise the new boyfriend, though they were evidently quite happy to socialise with the rest of the family too.
It wasn't long before Violet ducked off to check on the food, which was Eve's cue to start leading everyone to the dining room. Luke took the opportunity to chat to Ben alone while the others were preoccupied.
"You know, I was a bit surprised when I heard you'd be here" he said casually. "You were?" Ben questioned. "Didn't think you two were that serious" Luke clarified. "I asked Joe about you and Mel, actually, that day I saw him, and he didn't even think you were a thing… yet." Ben raised an eyebrow. "Yet?"
"Joe's words, not mine" Luke told him, shrugging. "Well, he wasn't wrong" Ben commented. "We went on our first date the night before you visited." Luke grinned. "Did Joe know about that?" Ben shook his head. "No, and he still doesn't, actually." "Well don't worry, I wouldn't dream of exposing you both like that" Luke assured him.
Luke took a breath. "Look, I'm not here to do the whole overprotective big brother bit, you know." "You're not?" Ben echoed, surprised. "No" Luke confirmed. "Mel's a big girl, she can handle herself. And you must know she's quite capable of destroying you all by herself if you are stupid enough to hurt her." "I… suppose I do know that" Ben said thoughtfully.
Luke smiled slightly. "I think you're smarter than that, though" he said. "So I just wanted to say, it seems like Mel sees a proper future with you, a-" "So do I" Ben admitted, cutting Luke off. "We haven't been together long, I know, but I can already see it." Luke's smile grew at Ben's confession. "Good. I hope it works out, truly."
Ben was relieved that Luke seemed to like him, but he didn't have time to dwell on their conversation as he was soon finding his place at the enormous mahogany dining table. Naturally he went to sit next to Mel, which meant he found himself down one end, next to Violet at the head of the table. Luke was sitting opposite, a move Ben was quite sure wasn't a coincidence, with Cameron next to him. Ben felt slightly awkward sitting opposite the Deacons, but fortunately the conversation flowed easily.
Cameron was very curious about film-making in general, and Ben’s career in particular. “So, what else’ve you done? Anything I might have seen?” he asked cheerfully. “You do look a bit familiar, actually.” Ben suppressed a groan at the inevitable appearance of his least favourite question, knowing Cameron meant no harm.
“Um, I was in X-men Apocalypse?” he suggested. Cameron shook his head. “Haven’t got around to watching it yet” he explained. Ben smiled reassuringly. “Well, I’ve been in a few things, but that was the biggest, so if you haven’t seen it…” “There’s one thing he probably has seen” Mel piped up, smiling mischievously. Ben wasn’t quite following. “Yeah?”
“He was on EastEnders for a while” she told Cameron and Luke. “Omigod, really?” Cameron gabbled exicitedly. Ben let out a defeated sigh. “Yeah, I was… I played Peter Beale.” Cameron was very excited at this revelation, which served only to make Ben feel even more disappointed.
Mel patted his hand reassuringly. “He means well, darling” she murmured. “I know” Ben sighed. “I just wish that bloody soap wasn’t the only thing people knew me from, it just makes them think of me as 'the hot one'.” “Everyone who matters knows you're much more than that, darling" Mel assured him. "Besides, with a bit of luck they’ll all know you as Roger soon."
Fortunately the others soon started chatting about their own work, and the rest of the dinner passed quite enjoyably. The grownups were all very welcoming to Ben, and Jamie chattered away about football, school and all his other current interests, clearly enjoying having a few big boys around for a change. Lavender too had warmed up in the presence of more familiar adults, gabbling happily to whoever would listen.
In seemingly almost no time at all, the dessert dishes were being cleared away and the adults were apparently gearing up to leave the table. "What's going on?" Ben whispered to Mel. "Next tradition" she explained. "The littlies need to get to bed soon, but they want to join in with this first." Ben suddenly realised everyone else was leaving the room. "Where are we-?" "The music room" Mel told him. "Just… follow my lead, yeah?"
Ben nodded his assent as she led him away from the dining room to one of the smaller rooms towards the back of the house. Its' main feature was a gleaming, full-sized grand piano. "Was that… his?" Ben asked, in an undertone. "Yep, it was Papa's" Mel confirmed cheerfully. "He taught Mum on it, and then she taught me, when I was little." “Wow” Ben marvelled. His reverie was soon interrupted by Eve coming to stand by the piano stool, just as Mel led him to sit on cushions on the floor, next to Luke.
Eve smiled at the assembled company. “Alright Jamie, Lavender, it’s nearly bedtime, but you’ve got time for one song each. Which ones do you want today?” “One, doo, free, four!” Lavender cried, clapping her hands with glee. Eve agreed easily, but Ben was utterly baffled at what was going on until Mel retrieved a guitar from a corner behind the piano, and handed it to Luke, who tuned it up and began picking out the cords to ‘All Together Now’ from Yellow Submarine. And then Mel started to sing, and Ben was utterly amazed.
She sounded a fair bit like Freddie, undoubtedly, but she clearly had her own sound too. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard a better singer. She looked at him once she finished, and he absolutely beamed at her.
“We started her on the Beatles recently” Mel explained quietly. “She’s been obsessed with that song ever since.” “You didn’t tell me you could sing!” Ben marvelled. Mel smiled. “You never asked, darling.” Mel started to explain that singing together was something she’d always done with her mum, and it was their little tradition to sing together at Thanksgiving in Freddie’s memory, but she was called up to the piano before she could finish.
Jamie had asked for something called ‘Leeroy Brown’, a title Ben thought sounded vaguely familiar, though he didn’t think he knew the song. Violet got up too, to sit with Eve at the piano, and when Eve started to play Ben was shocked to hear the couple harmonising in the choruses behind Mel’s wonderful voice. He didn’t recognise the song, as it turned out, but it was a fun honky-tonk sort of song, and he picked up the singalong chorus quickly enough. Though he did feel slightly embarrassed at his lack of prowess in the midst of so many excellent musicians.
When the song finished he had to resist the impulse to applaud. But all too soon all eyes were on him. “Ben, you’re the newbie” Eve said kindly. “Any requests, before the junior choir has to retire for the evening?” Ben blushed slightly.
“Uhh… could you play something by Queen?” “Most of the back catalogue, actually” Eve quipped, smiling. “But let’s see, what sounds good with just the piano… ooh, I know. You ready?” she asked Mel. “When you are” Mel confirmed. “Alright. Ben, I think you might know this one actually” Eve told him.
There was a slight pause before she started plunking out a very familiar repeating note. Ben smiled in recognition just as Mel came in with “She keeps her Moet et Chandon,…” Again, Eve and Violet harmonised on backing vocals when appropriate. Ben found himself fighting the urge to bounce his leg in time with the beat, one he’d been playing quite a lot recently. And he couldn't quite stop himself singing along with the chorus.
When he wasn't joining in, he was watching Mel intently, and very much enjoying himself. She seemed very comfortable in front of an audience, and Ben was struck by how much her stage manner, as it were, reminded him of the videos he'd been watching of Freddie performing in the early glam rock days. Not in a deliberate way, there was just something about the way she moved, the cheeky faces she made while singing, that very distinctly resembled Freddie's particular brand of showmanship.
All too soon, the song was over. Mel returned to a grinning Ben as Violet declared it was bedtime for the children. Jamie immediately protested that he should be allowed to stay awake longer as he was so much older than Lavender.
"That was amazing!" Ben gushed. Mel smiled bashfully."Oh, thanks darling." "No, really, you're amazing" Ben insisted. "And your whole family is… Well, your mum I sort of expected I suppose, but Violet can sing too?" He was deeply impressed, but Mel seemed unfazed. "That's actually how they met" she said quietly. "Mum joined a choir, and when she went to rehearsal Violet was there, and, well… you know." "That's quite cute, actually" Ben commented. "So d'you perform ever? Outside the music room, I mean."
"I want to be in musical theatre" Mel revealed. "But I haven't gotten any of the auditions I've had since I finished drama school." Ben's jaw dropped. "Drama school? I thought you did costume design." Mel grinned. "Oh, I did a couple of electives, that was enough for the assistant job, apparently."
"Clearly" Ben quipped. "But anyway, that's really awesome you've been to drama school, why didn't I know that?" "We've never really talked about school and stuff" Mel pointed out, shrugging. "No, I s'pose we haven't" Ben agreed.
Their conversation was interrupted by Violet's announcement that Lavender was going to bed, Jamie's protest having successfully won him one more hour with the grown-ups. Mel soon ducked off to help tuck in her little sister while the others drifted back to the dining room for hot drinks and biscuits. Ben felt rather uncertain without Mel next to him, but the Deacons and Jamie kept him chatting until she reappeared, grinning.
"I think Lavender likes you" she told him. "She asked when we'd be coming round again, if it'd be soon." Ben smiled. "Well, that's two down" he joked. "Oh, I think you're pretty popular with the brother" Luke observed. "He loves having the big boys around, I think he feels a little bit outnumbered as the only boy sometimes" Mel explained. "And you like football, so you're definitely alright in his book." Ben grinned. "Perhaps we'd better come back soon, then."
"We might not have time for the next few weeks, there's some big shooting days coming up" Mel mused. "And a big night, don't forget you'll need time for that" Luke chimed in. Ben was utterly confused, but Mel just smiled.
"Oh yeah, the Christmas party." Luke nodded. "Yeah, you're both 'very welcome' apparently, which means Mum's definitely expecting you to turn up." He rolled his eyes, though he was smiling slightly. "I think Dad's actually hoping to meet you, too" he told Ben, who was rather taken aback. "John Deacon wants to meet me?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah. He was always a little bit curious about all of you blokes playing Queen, actually, but he's especially interested now that he knows his beloved Mel's been shagging the one playing Roger." He smirked at Mel, who rolled her eyes good-naturedly.
"Very delicately put, Luke, if you're not careful you'll get the guest blushing." Indeed, Ben was now stood next to Mel looking extremely sheepish. Luke simply grinned. "Me? Indelicate? Never" he teased. "You're never living that one down, you know."
Turning to Ben, he let his teasing expression drop. "Seriously though, we'd love to have you to the party, if you're not busy" he said kindly. "I'll do my best" Ben assured him.
The rest of the evening passed very pleasantly, and by the time the guests started to leave, having seen Jamie to bed and toasted Freddie several times, Ben felt as though he'd been very much welcomed into the fold. At the very least he'd made a good first impression with all the ones he hadn't met before. Later on, snuggled up in Mel's bed, he reflected on the events of the night. "Well, I think that went quite well" he declared. "They loved you" Mel assured him. Ben smiled. "I liked them too, you know." "I thought you would" Mel told him happily.
"One thing though, love" Ben said, content but still slightly curious. "What's this Christmas party we're invited to?" "Oh, it's just the Deacon family party" Mel explained. "Auntie Veronica and Uncle John have all the kids round for drinks and finger food a couple of weekends before Christmas, and we're always invited too."
Ben was confused. "Why do they get together before Christmas though? Don't they all go home for Christmas dinner?" "Not every year" Mel explained. "I mean, Luke and Cam do, but the rest have partners and kids. In-laws to visit and all that. Having the party means they can all get together and see each other every Christmas even if fitting in a visit home on Christmas Day turns out to be too much of a faff." "Makes sense" Ben mused.
"So, should I go to this party with you?" Mel nodded enthusiastically. "Definitely, dear. John and Veronica are lovely, they'll be so pleased to meet you." Ben smiled. "I'll put it in my calendar then."
That night, Ben had a few things on his mind. The Queen movie wasn't even finished and it was already changing his life. It had brought him to his wonderful, amazingly talented girlfriend, and his equally awesome new friends. And now he was going to meet John Deacon. John Deacon actually wanted to meet him, who'd have thought that would ever happen?
Sure, he sometimes had to remind himself not to think about the fact that he was shagging Freddie Mercury's granddaughter, but at the very least he was pretty sure he hadn't incurred Freddie's wrath, so far. In fact, he was starting to wonder if he might in some small way have gotten Freddie's blessing.
*******************************************************************************************
A/N 2: Just in case anyone’s confused, the middle song that Mel sang is Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, by Jim Croce. Which was of course (part of) the inspiration for Bring Back That Leroy Brown (written after Jim Croce died in a plane crash, iirc). Also, yes, John Deacon will be appearing in the next part.
#ben hardy x reader#ben hardy fic#ben hardy imagine#roger taylor x reader#ben hardy x oc#bohemian rhapsody fic#bohemian rhapsody imagine#joe mazzello x reader#gwilym lee#rami malek#freddie mercury imagine#freddie mercury fic#bohemian rhapsody cast#bohemian rhapsody movie
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Alright, because at least one anon was curious, here are some thoughts based on, admittedly, a very brief foray into the world of sales. I'll speak only to what made my gut instinct do a confused puppy head-tilt, and obviously this is opinion, from someone on tumblr, and therefore not the end-all, be-all of advice on this...
Red Flags of Possible Scam Employers and/or Services
1) The first red flag was that the company threw me into the internal chats - chock full of pep and others' successes - before I was actually physically at work and able to understand their utility. Perhaps it’s easier from a tech perspective to fling new employees into every digital system at once. And sure, there was useful information and good insight into how the company uses those chats - lots of newbies asking questions and getting relevant good answers whilst on the floor, which IS nice - and if you're like me and unfamiliar with the tech or apps being used, it's great practice.
For the most part, though, two of the main chats were just hyping up their salespeople as they met their goals. I suspect they want you to see how much money everyone's making, how they're meeting their goals, and make you want to succeed similarly. There was already a little too much constant enthusiasm bouncing around the place for my goth ass, but hey, can't say the culture was negative! Still somewhat a nefarious psychological move, though, imho. The intent is likely to boast, dazzle, entice, overwhelm and make you envious enough to be competitive, as much as it is to inspire and inform. Just a guess.
2) The second red flag was similar in nature. In a lot of the e-meeting training sessions, there was a LOT of time spent on praising the success of those present in video meetings, a LOT of time spent on explaining the tier system of salespeople, the incentives, the commission system, cool trips you can earn... and I get that, to a degree, okay, you have a job, you wanna know how much money you can really make. Fine!
But if as much or more time is spent on those types of things than the actual training on what you need to learn to do the job... hm. Hm! I suspect more headgaming. (And no, this wasn't an MLM targeting suburban moms to employ and get all their friends onboard. This is a big company with good stock and trusted affiliates.) Anyway, this is about when my gut started to do that quiet hrrrr-uff dogs do when they wanna bark but aren't sure about it yet.
3) Language and words are key. Obviously, most people are sharp enough to know that phrases like "no out-of-pocket upfront cost" is a codeword for We Can't Legally Say It's Free But Want You To Feel Like It Is, and means there'll be payment involved at some point. It's one thing to know that, and quite another to parrot the phrase at an elderly potential customer, or one whose grasp of English isn't quite perfect. Could you, in good conscience, do that for a commission and feel good about it? Turns out I couldn't.
And that's not necessarily indicative of a scam company altogether - sales is sales, and sales language has probably been a little deceptive by nature for as long as it's been around. But could you do that for a paycheck, while being new to the job, thus not being entirely sure what it's gonna cost that little old lady or that immigrant family down the line? Could you? You may not really know for sure until you hear yourself say it, and your gut starts barking in earnest, because you don't know what their next step - that you just convinced them to take - will be.
4) I didn't know, so I tried to find out. While my followers here know I was pretty diligent with my required training stuff, you can see from points 1 and 2 that those materials weren't really meaty and informative enough for me. I tried to seek further clarification not just on my tasks, but the next steps - could someone explain them to me better, in a way that assured me I wasn't pitching a scam? Could someone send me videos or content relevant to the next step in the process, just so I understand it better for my own edification and peace of mind?
Well... maybe they tried to. I was sent a link to a video of one of the next-step-in-the-process sales guys at work... only to be denied access to that video, and though I requested access, nothing in the system ever granted it to me. A glitch? Perhaps. But when I mentioned wanting access, wanting a few more questions answered until I felt right with things, most of what I heard was:
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that."
"Don't overcomplicate things for yourself."
"That's a little above your role. Keep things simple, say you don't know, and it'll add value to the expertise of the next-step sales guy!"
"We tend to save that for more advanced training, since not all of our new people have your emotional intelligence, and might not have as good a brain-to-mouth filter, and say more to the customer than they need to."
Well... I wasn't asking in order to answer a customer's questions, I was asking to answer mine. I won't speak to what I don't know to be true, and I won't sell what I'm not sure is legit, no matter how much I'm paid to do so. And that gut-dog? Now it's a pack of dogs, and at least one of them is starting to howl.
5) It's howling kind of loudly, actually, and my (delightful, friendly, funny) managers aren't helping me quiet it down. So if they can't answer my questions to my satisfaction, I have to seek answers elsewhere.
Arguably, obviously, I should have done this from the start, but - that's when I sought out customer reviews.
And I don't mean clicking Google Reviews and just reading those.
I mean spending most of an afternoon on a deep dive into the following search terms:
"[Company Name] reviews" "[CN] scam" "[CN] Better Business Bureau reviews" "[CN] reddit" "[CN] class action/lawsuit" "[CN] Yelp/any other well-known review site you can think of”/Twitter tag/FB search
You get the idea.
Now, of course some bad actors (rival companies, annoyed ex-employees) can write bad reviews to make the company look bad. Equally, anyone who felt like it could write good reviews to make the company look good. (I wasn't about to search every good reviewer's name in our email database to see if any matched up. But a couple did include words or phrases that might be included in customer-facing marketing and mission statements and thus parroted naturally, but were definitely included in internal training vids. Just a very slight few, but they popped out at me.) Another thing to keep in mind when wanting to take all reviews into account equally is that when people are happy with a product, they don't always remember to leave reviews, so most reviews are written by the vaguely-to-deeply dissatisfied to begin with, and may not be an accurate representation of what's really going on.
Let's be fair here. As a thought experiment, look up the reviews for a company/service/product you truly love, and see if the bad ones reflect a concern you can understand, or one you'd brush off, or one that just doesn't reflect your experience at all. What works for one person/locale/reason for another, might not for someone else, and that’s understandable.
Also ponder:
Out of, let's say, 200 reviews, how many would need to be positive to get you to buy something, especially if it was something you wanted? Would a lot of negative ones make you second-guess the product or service?
How would you gauge the seriousness of the problems presented in the negative ones?
Would a company responding to the bad reviews with apologies and customer service numbers, on that same forum where all could read their empathy and solutions, be enough to convince you that the company had handled the issue by the time you're reading them?
Ponder, ponder, ponder...
aaaand, moving on.
Let's say that out of 200 reviews from a plethora of sources, 40-50 are five-star happy with the company.
Another, eh, 30 or so are two- or three-star, because something went wrong, wrong enough to leave an iffy or downright bad taste in the reviewers' mouths.
The last 110-120? One-star reviews. With at least 10-20 of those saying they'd have left zero stars if the review forum allowed it.
Some of those one-stars may be several years old. Some may have since had their issue truly resolved, and never bothered to update their review or add to it. Some have issues that boil down to, "Okay, the customer clearly didn't understand the terms", or, "That's a crazy problem but I can't relate to caring about it because [insert personal preference/reason] here."
But if a whole load of those one-star reviews tend to speak up about the same types of problems, serious ones, ones you'd find bothersome or downright tragic, ones that would cost you money in some way or another, ones that make you further doubt the integrity of the company altogether, and many of them are as recent as the last few months...
Do I need to finish that sentence?
Hold up, BRB, I have to let the gut-dogs out, they're going absolutely batshit crazy. Must be a full moon!
Or just a disorganized, neglectful, or possibly purposely deceitful company.
The old saying says there’s a sucker born every minute.
Would your conscience be cool with being paid to be one, or to prey on them?
Advice:
My advice is pretty basic: before joining, signing, buying important things, do your diligent research and trust. your. gut.
I hope the above list of experiences helps guide you in doing both.
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[Translation] IkeVamp Drama CD ~ Napoleon Bonaparte Ver.
This took a very long time to finish but here it is! Napoleon’s Drama CD translation!! We had originally intended to release these every 200 followers, so the other CD translations will be posted as we get them done.
For those who are unable to buy the physical CD, Cybird has also released the CD as a Story Set in-game as well, along with a stuffed Napoleon avatar accessory.
Set Sale Info | Napoleon CD Preview
[This is an unofficial work based on fan-translation. Copyright belongs to Cybird.]
Prologue ~ Napoleon Bonaparte ~
0:10 You want to know my name? It’s Napoleon. Napoleon Bonaparte. What? ‘Are you that Napoleon Bonaparte’, you’re asking? I don’t know who you’re talking about, but if you’re referring to the French revolutionary general, then that’s me.
0:38 Ah, you’re right. If I were truly that soldier from the French Revolution, then there’s no way that I could’ve lived, un-aging, till this era.
The things I’m about to discuss, do you swear to keep them confidential? Hm. Good answer.
1:04 First, within this mansion located deep in the woods, 12 men are living here. And with each of them, there is one thing they all have in common.
That is, they — these, great men who have all left their marks upon history — have all exchanged a contract with the master of this mansion, le Comte de Saint-Germain, and revived into this world.
1:34 The contents of the contract… that they would become creatures that selfishly live on the blood of others called Vampires. In short, that means that the residents of this mansion are all vampires.
1:52 ‘Why did they come back to life’, you ask...? That’s because, all of them still have things left undone.
For example… Vincent. Yes, that famous painter, Vincent van Gogh — his reason was that he wanted to create more paintings. And the physicist, Isaac Newton, because he wanted to continue his research somewhere peaceful and quiet. They all have their own reasons for being here.
2:28 …. My reason for coming back? My bad. Earlier, I said that all the residents here had made a contract with le Comte, but there is one singular exception.
I am the only one who has not exchanged a contract with le Comte, and I also have no reason for being at this mansion. Not to mention, once my life had passed, I had no regrets or lingering attachments to this world.
2:56 One day, I just suddenly found myself here.
Le Comte seems to think that it was because the world regretted the loss of Napoleon Bonaparte, but I don’t think that’s the case.
…. I think that — for the sake of meeting the one person that I will love, I had returned to life… that is what I think.
3:25 One day, that person suddenly came from the door that connected to the future, and for only one month until the door opened again, came to reside at this mansion.
Because of the times we spent together, the times we clashed and the times we smiled together — with this person who possessed such a straightforward strength and pure kindness, before I knew it, I had fallen hopelessly in love with them.
4:01 Throwing away their prior life in the future and having chosen to stay here, this person is more important to me than anything in the world… and right now, they are my precious lover.
…. This is the story of a certain day in our life.
—
An Especially Gentle Morning
0:00 Soft breathing as birds chirp in the background.
0:20 Five more… minutes…ngh.... Sheets rustle. — What is it…? Besides that, you need to come… closer. He pulls you to him.
0:53 Hm… he gives you a quick kiss. Hm…? Ah, sorry. Did I… accidentally do it again? ‘You don’t even need to guess’... heh, you don’t have to flush so hard, you know.
It’s just my bad morning habit. But well, since it’s only you, it’s fine, isn't it? So from now on, you should get used to it.
1:40 And anyways… last night, we did things more embarrassing than just this. Though I do remember last night I was the one getting kissed….
What, did you forget? … Haha, you’re honestly so terrible at lying. It’s adorable.
…. Okay, okay, I’ll stop teasing.
2:18 Ah… as always, your body is so warm and soft. If I just stay here and hug you tight like this, it feels like I could just fall right back to sleep......
2:40 Yawning. Huh, it’s already this late in the day? Ah, you’re already awake? There’s no helping it, I guess. In exchange, let’s do it just like the first time we woke up. Alright? He kisses you.
3:11 Heh, good morning.
Ah, come to speak of it, I had a really amazing dream last night. It was a dream where you were always by my side, grinning in that carefree way you always do. And then when I woke up and your face was the first thing I saw — I was really happy.
3:44 Are you getting shy on me? Hey, don’t curl up and hide your face in the sheets! If you act so cutely… I won’t be able to help myself from jumping on you again.
4:00 Hmph… ha…. He kisses you again. Heh, it was a joke, so don’t get so flustered! Ah, but wanting to jump on you was real though.
4:21 Okay, since I woke up especially early today, and it’s rare that we’re able to spend a languid day like this together, should we head out?
…. Then come, let’s get ready.
—
An Especially Glittering Beach Date
0:00 The sound of lapping waves in the background.
0:05 It’s nice that the weather today’s sunny and clear. You mentioned before that you’ve always wanted to go to the beach, right? So I thought that I absolutely had to take you someday.
… What? Why are you so surprised? There’s no way I’d forget anything that you say.
0:27 But besides that, since we came all the way out here, let’s dip our feet even if we can’t swim.
Phew, it feels nice and cold. Everything looks pretty when the water’s calm. C’mon, you too — hurry up and get over here.
1:00 Water splashing. Are you gonna take off your sandals? If so then I’ll do it for you. It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Or is it that you don’t want me to?
1:22 Haha, you’re so easy to read. Okay, okay, I got it, I’ll take it off properly.
Yeah, brace your hand on my shoulder like that… raise one of your legs… heh, I’m not tickling you, nunuche; if you laugh that hard you’ll fall over.
1:52 …. And, we’re good. You put your feet back into the water and wade around.
See? The cold water feels good. Now that we’re here, let’s walk along the water’s edge for a bit. The two of you begin walking. Be careful not to get your feet trapped in the sand. Your foot sinks into the sand. Did you not listen to what I just said?
2:26 Guess it can’t be helped. Here, give me your hand. I’ll hold onto you so you won’t fall.
Your hand… it’s always so small and soft — sort of like a child’s, huh.
....I said it’s really cute.
2:58 At any rate, it really is calm and quiet here. Walking here with you, hand in hand, I feel at peace. It’s a bit strange how this makes it feel like those war days during the Revolution were things of the distant past.
3:24 Ahh, but at that time, I had thought that peaceful days like this would never return.
The deep blue of the expansive sea, the scent of salt in the breeze, and even the sound of bird cries, it feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve last felt these things.
…. Surely, it would’ve continued to exist like this, even if it was just me who didn’t notice them.
3:57 The happiness of these ordinary days too, is all because of you. Thank you. He kisses you.
4:12 Now then, we should head home before the sun sets. Besides, I want to hurry up and get you alone.
—
An Especially Sweet Shower Time
0:00 Grandfather clock tolls three times and gentle piano music starts playing.
0:12 Ah, it’s already this time? I guess we played too much today. When I’m with you, time passes in the blink of an eye — so fast that it makes me a bit worried. Hm?
…. Heh, no, it’s a good thing.
Whenever I’m with you, no amount of time will be enough? Something like that.
0:36 Besides that though, the two of us are covered in sand from the sea breeze. It’s probably a good idea to wash off in a shower before heading to our rooms. C’mon, let’s go.
0:55 ‘You can go first,’ you say…
But we’re going to get in together, right? Heh, what are you getting all embarrassed about — after all, I’ve already seen your body many times before. So…. He gets close to you. … I’ll rinse you off.
And anyways, I don’t want to let you go just yet.
1:22 Door opens. The faucet turns and water starts to pour down.
Hey, come closer. You’re covered by a towel so there’s no need to be embarrassed, you know.
Is the water too hot? … If it’s okay then that’s good.
1:49 Oi, it’s just rinsing, so move your hands. He moves closer. Or, can I just undress you just like this? … Haha, just kidding. Come, turn around. I’ll wash your back.
2:10 I was thinking about this earlier but… your nape… is really pretty, huh. It’s so delicate and unguarded… it makes me want to bite you…. He places a kiss on your neck.
2:30 You jump and back away. Heh, I just gave you a small kiss, you really don’t have to react to strongly. You’re seriously adorable.
You are… he kisses you… hah, what is it? Do you want me to touch you more?
Oi, if you give me that kind of look, I really won’t be able to stay calm. He kisses you again.
3:12 … Your lips… are soft, and warm. Open your mouth more…. I want to see your face when you lose your composure… you’re honestly so precious — I might not be able to go easy on you.
Ngh— ah, don’t fall down… cling to me tighter. Hmph… he kisses you again and again.
4:05 Heh… you’re really weak here, huh. I know that much, since I’ve touched you countless times before…
He sighs. This is bad — I’m gonna get dizzy. He turns off the shower.
4:32 Let’s go to my room… right now. I’m sorry but, I can’t hold myself back any longer.
—
An Especially Provocative Bloodsucking
0:00 Piano music plays.
0:08 Kissing. I wonder… why does even just kissing you feels good? Hah… more, I want more of you. Can I… touch you more?
0:40 … Whenever I embrace you, I lose any desire to let you go. You have no idea how much I always want you, do you? The only thing that I want… is always, and only, you. He kisses you again and again.
1:12 This is bad… if this keeps up, I won’t be able to control myself….
1:20 .... Oi, don’t tell me I can bite you so casually. If you’re so defenseless…. Sheets rustle.
What’s wrong? Suddenly moving like that — hm… getting a kiss from you is pretty rare.
‘I want you to take me, just like this’....
1:46 Hah… are you seriously okay with this? I’ll apologize in advance but, I can’t guarantee that I’ll be gentle.
…. Lower your blouse more and show me your neck. He bites you.
2:16 ‘I’ve been waiting for this’ — there’s no way you’ve been waiting for something like this? The one who let their guard down… is you. He bites you again.
2:36 Ah… seriously… why is it that your blood is this sweet? I’m a bit worried… that the other guys will try to take you away.
Does it hurt? … It feels good? Me too. It feels… endlessly good. So much so that I can’t have any blood besides yours.
3:14 Do you know what sort of face you’re making right now… ? A face that’s both adorable… and tantalizing. I want to claim you… even deeper.
Come closer. Surrender it all to me. Your body, your heart — even your destiny.
—
An Especially Gentle Good-Night
0:00 Piano music plays.
0:06 Sheets rustle. It’s already nighttime? A little longer and today will also come to an end, huh. What’s wrong, you can’t sleep?
‘It was fun,’ you say? …. Yeah, I agree. The time I spend with you always passes by in the blink of an eye.
But, when it turns to tomorrow, I will no longer be able to see the you of today. Isn’t it strange to think like that? Things that never change — there are no such things like that. So, I keep wanting to carve my existence, to leave some sort of proof with you.
1:02 So that once tomorrow comes — no even after that — forevermore, there is evidence that proves you are mine and mine alone. Because of that, I’m sorry. You’re too dear to me, and I was too rough. But also, you were seriously sexy, before.
1:33 It wasn’t just me though, you could barely stand it either, could you? Sheets rustling.
Hey, don’t turn around, now. Face me? Geez, now isn’t really the time to be embarrassed, you know.
1:56 Haha, okay, I got it. It’s fine if you want to stay like that. He scoots closer. But let me hug you like this.
2:08 Ah, come to think of it, tonight is a crescent moon. The night I met you… it was also this moon….
What? … You’re surprised that I remember the day we met? Of course. Even now, I can remember like it was yesterday.
2:40 Your figure when you came stumbling into the mansion through that entrance… I was definitely surprised. I couldn’t believe that someone other than a vampire had came through those doors.
Before those guys could find you, I had to save you somehow, I had to try and protect you somehow, was what I thought. I wonder why….
I felt that instinct so strongly in that moment.
3:16 When I met your eyes as you looked back, I remember that it was like my heart suddenly started racing. I was probably drawn to you from the first moment we met. How mysterious.
Even though we were born in different eras and different places, it feels like I’ve always been waiting for you.
3:45 To me, it seems like our meeting was not just mere chance, but clearly fate.
… If it means the same thing to you, I’d be pretty happy.
4:09 …. Heh, talking about this sort of thing is always embarrassing, huh. You turn over. What’s with that happy smile?
4:21 C’mon, it’s getting late so we should hurry and get to sleep. Here. Arm pillow.
Hah, if I keep patting your head like this… I’ll probably fall asleep just like that.
…. You’re filled with happiness? Yeah… me too. When we’re together, just like this, I’m at my happiest.
4:55 So, let’s stay like this for the rest of the night. Let me sleep until morning, with you in my arms.
Quietly. When I can feel your warmth like this… I feel at ease….
Good night… you too, rest well….
5:25 He kisses you, softly. I love you….. Now and forevermore, only you….
—
Ending ~ To The Especially Beloved You ~
0:00 More piano music.
0:05 Night. Inside my silent room, where only the sound of wind gently blowing can be heard. As I look at my precious lover, sleeping within my arms, I think — that I want to always protect this sleeping face, and that surely, I was born for the sake of meeting you.
0:36 If I said this out loud, I wonder if you’ll smile that flustered smile again?
The one I think of when a day is over and I close my eyes, the first one I want to see when I open them in the morning, is only you.
And me, who was living like a soldier — who lost many precious comrades to a grand ideal, who did many things that I cannot take back no matter how much I yearned to or how much I regretted them.
Therefore, not knowing why I was called to the mansion, nor why I alone continued to survive… I merely just passed my days at the mansion with that confusion.
1:35 And then, I met you.
If I think back on it, many things have happened since then. We laughed a lot, and went to many places, and even fought at times. Before I knew it, seeing your innocent smile would lighten the regrets and doubts that weighed on my shoulders.
2:05 And you told me that there are no wars in the future, but only peaceful days.
I can’t say for sure if what I did was the right thing to do, but because of you, I now know that those actions helped bring forth a peaceful world.
You said that I had saved you, but the one who was saved was actually me.
2:46 Since meeting you, I was able to take back something precious that I had forgotten. The brilliance of the morning, the deep blue of the sea, the color of flowers as well. With you, I was able to feel the world again.
3:09 To me, who knew nothing beyond battle, you taught me how to live again. It was only you.
I, who had nothing, you gave me something that I could once again yearn to protect.
Of course, there is no way I’ll be able to forget my old comrades. I will always shoulder their hearts and live on. In this way, I will continue to live with you in this world.
3:49 No matter what hardships we face, as long as it’s the two of us, I know we can overcome all of it. Even if one day you come to long for your old life, I want you to remember this.
No matter what happens… I am always by your side.
4:20 Through bitterness and through pain… I will carry those burdens with you.
That’s why — please stay by my side. I swear I will make you happy.
Thank you for appearing in front of me. I love you.
And for many years to come, I’ll be spending them by your side.
—
Cast Talk
Note: This section is part summary, part translation instead of a direct transcript like the past sections.
Hello, this is Napoleon’s VA, Nobunaga Shimazaki. Thank you everyone for listening to this CD.
It seems like there’s a topic theme this time for the cast talk. I’ll be going through them one at a time.
First off, my impressions for today. My impressions of the recording — wait but first of all, Napoleon, it’s been a long time since I’ve played him, so I was hit with this ‘as expected he’s this cool and charismatic, strong soldier character’ sort of feeling all over again during the recording.
Kind of like, ah how cool, he doesn’t seem like the type to be swayed easily — this kind of impression came to be when I was shopping at a convenience store.
And then I thought to myself that I had to try hard and act out such a cool character, so it became sort of like ‘wow Napoleon is such a cool guy! Uwah I’m gonna try my best, I have to try my best! Uwahh’ haha. That was the strong impression I had of him.
Finally today, I was able to show a cool Napoleon, so I’m really happy. Because of that, my mood is very fluffy and buoyant right now, haha.
Okay, the second one is, if I had an eternity like a vampire, what would I want to do?
Hmm well, I mean… would I really be the right fit for that, you know? It sounds a bit tiresome…. Of course, there are people suited to it, for example if you were Napoleon’s beloved person then being together forever would be nice, but… well —
Life is fun because it’s limited. It’s a similar sort of thing to how because work is busy, the breaks become more fun, I think. If all I had was time… I think it would become pretty draining —
But well, if I had an eternity, if I could do anything, then I think I would try to create a world? Or a star, or something like that.
I can’t make, like, a real brand name or anything, but maybe something like creating a world as I like it, sort of like playing God. I think if I can do that then that would be enough fun for me, like there would be plenty of things to do with just that — things that I can and can’t do with my own creations and such. Yup, something like that.
Third is, like the revolutionary Napoleon, is there anything you want to revolutionize?
Something I want to revolutionize?! Is there anything like that? Something I want to revolutionize…. Uhhhhh, recently I’ve been thinking about how it would nice if things could be more comfortable for me, but there’s nothing that I’d say I want to revolutionize.
I don’t think there’s much of a revolutionary in me? When doing something or starting something determination would overflow and I’d be like “I’ll accomplish this and this” or “I’ll write this” or “I’ll kill this” and the like. But to revolutionize something I think it would have to start from some dissatisfaction with the current era and the desire to change, but I don’t really think I have anything I’m dissatisfied with about the current era?
How to say it, there are things I wonder about like how something would become, or how something would end up, or how it would be nice if things turned out this way, and such, but would you call that the heart of a revolutionary?
Of course I have dreams and aspirations and this and that that I want to do in the future, but I don’t think there’s anything that I want to change. Mmhm… taking is easy is the best way.
Last of all, to everyone who’s listening to this, please talk about Napoleon’s charming points.
Well, I mean, everyone who had gone out and bought this volume are people who love Napoleon, right? Thank you very much!
But, it’s really hard to get CDs nowadays, right? Times are a bit rough financially lately, right?? Seriously, thank you very much!!
As such, all the listeners probably surely know Napoleon’s charm better than I do, ahaha. But in my opinion, even though he’s a smart person, my favorite thing is that he’s a very steady, cool unwavering person. That sort of stead person, and then once he falls in love, you’re able to see those wavering eyes. It’s not particularly a gap (moe) per se, but it may be pretty charming — the difference between his usual coolness and his heart, and because of that, it’s a humanizing aspect. It makes you think that he’s a very captivating person, is what I think.
Hm, but when you compare the historical Napoleon to the game, you can gain various ideas that take flight, and then you study history and it’s like killing two birds, three birds, six birds with one stone. IkeVamp as a game is a bit different, right? So when you play the game and compare them, there are things like “oh he killed people!!”, and in this way, I hope you continue to enjoy IkeVamp!
This has been Nobunaga Shimazaki! Thank you very much!!
—
#ikemen vampire#ikevamp#napoleon#drama cd#translation#200 followers celebration#advancing the napoleon agenda#sorry for the delay!#september 2019#jp ikevamp
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Where I Belong
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 1,295
Warnings: Endgame spoilers (don’t read the summary if that’s the case), slight angst, fluff
Summary: Steve tells Bucky his plan to stay in the past and asks him to come with him. Bucky takes it into consideration.
A/N: I wrote this idea down in my notes a while ago and decided today that I wanted to write it. I was initially writing another Bucky thing that I had thought of, but haven’t completed it yet. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as did writing it!
Masterlist // Ko-fi
After all that happened, after fighting Thanos and his army again, after losing Natasha and Tony, Steve decided that it was time to settle down. He was to take all of the stones to their rightful places and times as promised, but rather than return to the present, he planned to go back the 40s and live out his life with the only woman he ever truly loved.
"And I want you to come with me,” Steve finishes relaying his plan to Bucky at the little kitchen table in Steve’s apartment.
“You know that’s crazy, right?”
“Is it though? We could go back to where we belong.”
Bucky thinks about it for a moment, rationalizes it. “Can I think it over for a little while?”
“Sure thing, Buck. I leave tomorrow, so you have until then to decide.”
“I’m gonna go for a walk,” Bucky mumbles before leaving Steve’s apartment before he can protest.
Wandering the streets of New York, he contemplates leaving with Steve; returning to simpler times. The thought is pleasant. His footsteps echo against the pavement as he ponders all of the possibilities. Maybe he could get back into the swing of things. He could get a normal job and finally put down the guns. He could see his family again, something he could never even dream of. He could be a brother again, a son. Sure, it would be different, but he thinks his mother would love him all the same.
His thoughts come to a screeching halt, though, as he realizes what he would be leaving behind, or rather who. His heart aches at the thought of living in a world without you. The mere idea of never seeing you again nearly brings him to his knees, and he has to use the wall of a nearby building to support himself. Never being able to see your beautiful smile or the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love, the very notion makes him feel as if both of his lungs have collapsed.
Who the hell am I kidding, he thinks to himself as tears well up in his eyes. He wouldn’t be able to live a regular life in the 40s, not with his metal arm. And how could he possibly think facing his mother would be a good idea. Maybe thinking he was dead broke her heart, but coming back and showing her what HYDRA had turned her poor, sweet little boy into would kill her.
He walks mindlessly as he thinks of all the reasons he could never go back, and before he even realizes it, he’s on the front steps of your apartment building. He wipes away the tears that had slipped down his cheeks as he starts climbing the stairs three at a time until he’s at your floor and down the hall, and he knocks on your door without even thinking. It creaks open slowly as you peak through the little crack, then slams shut. The sound of locks being turned brings him down to earth, and as soon as you open your door, he has you in his arms, pressing you tightly against his chest.
“Bucky?” Your voice is just above a whisper. Genuine concern laces the word, and you wrap your arms around him. You can feel him shaking against you, his ragged breathing against your neck. “Bucky, what’s wrong?”
He suddenly releases you, but only enough to hold your face in his hands. His touch is gentle, feather-light. You cover his hands with your own, feeling his pulse racing beneath your fingertips. His eyes dart all over your face as if he’s scanning you to commit this exact moment to memory forever.
“Why did you wait?” he asks breathlessly, his lips trembling as he stutters the words. Your confusion is growing by the second. “You waited five years for me despite who I am—despite what I am.” His voice breaks and the tears begin to fall again. “Why?” he whispers through chokes and sobs.
You remove your hands from his to cup his face and press your forehead to his, wiping his tears with your thumbs.
“Bucky, baby,” you say softly. “I waited because I love you. I would’ve waited fifty years if I had to. I would’ve died loving you, even if you didn’t come back.”
He pulls you to his chest again, and you let him cry for a few minutes as you run your hands over his back, drawing soothing circles on his skin with your fingertips.
You speak up when he finally calms down, “So what’s got you all worked up?”
He sits you down and tells you about his chance to go back and live in the past where he came from. When he’s finally done explaining, he apologizes.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“For even considering leaving. For thinking about leaving you.” He looks ashamed.
“Buck, don’t apologize for that. You got excited about living a normal life. I could never blame you for that. I feel guilty for being the reason you’re not going.”
“Please don’t. I couldn’t go anyway. I can’t go back and be the James Buchanan Barnes they all know. I’ve done too many horrible things.”
“You’re a good person, Bucky. I know that you know that deep down. You’ve been through hell, but you still regret all of the things they made you do.” He has you in his arms again, this time on the couch with his face buried in the crook of your neck as you sit on his lap.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He mumbles against your skin.
“You’re you. That’s it. I love all of you, even the broken parts.”
“I think I might be all broken parts.”
“You’re not, but even if you were, I would love you all the same.”
“I love you, Y/N,” he says, his voice soft.
“I love you too, Buck.” You press a kiss to his lips. It’s sweet and lingers on his lips for a moment; the kind of kiss that leaves him a bit dizzy.
Bucky’s voice is barely a whisper when he speaks again, “I have to say goodbye to Steve.” The idea of it alone breaks his heart.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“Actually, I’d like that,” he says as he takes your hand in his.
And so the two of you make your way to Steve’s apartment so you can give him a proper farewell. Hugs are exchanged and tears are spilled as the best friends say goodbye to each other. The following morning when Steve is ready to return the stones, Bucky is fighting back tears. You approach him only when Steve disappears and misses his timestamp to return. He takes your hand once again, and when he turns to face you, he spots an older man sitting on a bench a few feet away. Bucky sends Sam over, and the two of you watch on as Steve passes down his shield.
“You didn’t want to go back for that?” you ask, nodding to the ring on Steve’s finger.
“Why would I go back for that when I have you right here? There was nothing left for me in the past. I only have the present, and I’m looking forward to our future.” You smile at this, leaning up to kiss him. He kisses you back with one hand on your waist and another cupping your neck. When you pull away, you’re both all smiles and giggles; and in the distance, Steve is looking on with a smile on his face. He was able to live his life in peace knowing that Bucky was happy and safe with you in that moment.
Masterlist // Ko-fi
#hqwkeyes#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky fic#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes drabble#fic#drabble#marvel drabble#marvel drabbles#marvel#marvel writing#marvel fic#steve rogers
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My young lover
A/N: This imagine is for entertainment purposes only and has no relation to reality!! This is pure fiction and is not going to be real so be warned!!
Summary: Y/N is too young and Harry is too old (requested)
How could a person’s beauty be so out of this world yet so real? How could a person be unimaginably gorgeous- as if they were carved by goddess Aphrodite with such perfection and without any flaws? How could someone’s character be filled with so much kindness, gentleness and purity that everybody who spoke a word with them instantly became infatuated with that person? How could someone ignite a hell of a firework inside your body by just touching you or by kissing you? And lastly, how could a person make you fall in love with them so hard that even the single thought of having to live without them makes you instantly go insane?
Harry always wondered what he did to deserve his girlfriend whenever he spared a glance at her.
Just like now. She was peacefully sleeping beside him, giving him the opportunity to observe the sweet creature lying in his arms. The afterglow of their previous love making was attached on her. The corners of his mouth rose, forming a gentle smile. Harry lifted his hand to carefully drive his fingertips over her soft cheek. Immediate warmth engulfed them.
He had his other arm protectively draped over her small frame as if he was afraid that she would disappear into thin air should he let go. And it was the last thing he needed. Pressing a tender kiss on her forehead, he continued looking at her. His eyes reflected nothing but awe for this young beauty.
Recalling his memories, Harry found himself back at the moment they have met.
On that special morning, he remembered, he had got hold of a role for another movie. Being in the studio for years and producing music was surely something he loved from the bottom of his heart, however, he tried to be open for other things as well. So, he had decided to boost up his acting career a bit more and had auditioned for a character in a new movie. To read the script in peace and memorize his lines, he had walked into a coffee shop he had only heard good things about and that many of his friends had recommended.
He had entered the shop and watched out for a seat somewhere in the back. There had barely been any customer at that hour for his advantage. While waiting for someone to take his order, he had flipped through the pages of the script. Until he had heard the most endearing voice his ears had been blessed with. His heart had miraculously skipped a beat to the unfamiliar new sound.
“Welcome to the Coffee Club, sir. What’s your order?”
When Harry had lifted his head up to make eye contact, his eyeballs nearly fell out of their places. Right in front of him, there was standing the most beautiful young woman he had ever seen. She seemed to recognize him too because she had looked at him as if she couldn’t believe that Harry Styles was sitting in front of her, in the coffee shop she was working at. But then, she had shot him the cutest smile ever.
“What a lovely surprise, Mr. Styles!” she had said. “It is very lovely to see you at our coffee shop!”
Harry had just nodded with his head. He had been too overwhelmed with how wonderful she looked. From the tag attached on her uniform, he could read that her name was Y/N. Beautiful name.
“Can I take your order already?”
She had taken a piece of paper and pen out of the front pocket of the bordeaux apron she was wearing and had looked at him expectantly.
Harry, hoping that he hadn’t made a fool of himself by openly staring at her, had taken a glance at the menu lying on the small table. “I’d like to have a… an Espresso.”
The young woman had noted his order. “Alright. Anything else?”
“A strawberry cheesecake would be lovely.” Why had he been so nervous while talking to her? He normally had never felt like this when he had spoken to beautiful women.
“An Espresso and a delicious strawberry cheesecake for Mr. Styles,” she had concluded before she had shot another smile at his direction and then had gone back to the front to get his order ready. Harry’s eyes had followed every step of hers until she had been out of sight. The minutes before she returned had been passing agonizingly slow. He couldn’t even concentrate on his script now that his thoughts were full of the young woman and her breathtaking smile. Speaking of love at the first sight, Harry had really believed it just happened to him.
And it had proven him right when Y/N had come back with a cup of his Espresso and a plate with his cake. His heart had beat like crazy. The young waitress had placed his coffee on the table and their fingertips had touched when Y/N had handed the small plate over to him, leaving a prickling sensation at those spots. Harry could feel his cheeks reddening and had hoped she couldn’t see it.
“There we go,” she had said. “I hope you’ll like them. If there is anything you want, please make sure to tell me. My name is Y/N by the way.” Harry was going to answer but she was already gone, leaving him a little disappointed. He had really hoped to be engaged in a conversation with her.
His wish was granted only when his cup was empty and all of his cheesecake was eaten.
“Did you enjoy?” A sudden voice had attracted his attention. There she had been again.
“Yes, yes of course. All of these were delicious. I think this place is going to be one of my favorites from now on,” he had confessed.
“That’s a nice compliment, Mr. Styles. I’m happy to hear that. And our coffee shop would love to see you more often.”
“Please, it’s just Harry. Mr. Styles makes me feel very old.”
“Okay. May I say that you look quite young for a man who’s just hit his forties? And very handsome also,” Y/N had commented.
Harry knew he must have looked like a tomato by now. Shouldn’t the roles be reversed?
“Thanks darling. It’s good to hear that I’m still attractive despite the white strands of hair I’m having on the sides of my head.”
“No worries, they suit you.”
“You’re quite pretty yourself, Y/N,” Harry had remarked with honestly supporting his statement. Y/N laughed happily at him.
“Yeah, I hear that quite often.”
“Is that so?” the man asked, “Do guys always flirt with you?” Harry fiddled with his fingers. He wondered if she even had a boyfriend. If that was the case, then lord help him.
“Sometimes they do, but they’re not really my type, y’know?” She shrugged with her shoulders.
“What is your type then?”
“Hmm, I dunno. 40 year old attractive superstars maybe?” Okay, she tried to flirt with him, at least that’s what Harry was hoping. And it didn’t look like she was committed to someone either.
“Are you talking about me, love?” he had grinned cheekily at her, his dimple popping to the surface.
“Maybe I do, who knows?” That girl was about to make him go crazy. “What are you reading, anyway?” She had pointed at the script.
“Oh that’s- that’s a new project of mine.”
“Are you going to star in a movie? What’s its name?” She had made an impression as if she was very excited.
“Sorry, love. It’s confidential. I can’t tell you yet.”
“That’s totally fine. I understand. But whatever it is, I can’t wait to watch it.”
“You would do that?” Curiosity was written all across his face.
“Of course, I would. I’ve seen ICarly and Dunkirk back in the days, and you were fabulous in them, so I’m exited that you give another shot to your acting abilities.”
“Wow, thank you very much. I really appreciate it.”
Their conversation led from one to another and before they knew, they had talked as much as possible and as much as Y/N’s schedule had allowed her. Their chemistry had instantly clicked. After that day, Harry found himself at the Coffee Club almost every day of the week. He had to see her, he had to get to know her- damn, he had to have her. He knew exactly that he was behaving like a sick boy in love, but he couldn’t let it go. Y/N had awakened feelings inside him he never knew he could feel. But on some days, he left the shop as soon as he entered it because his crush wasn’t there.
How funny- while many women were chasing after him, he was falling for a college student who was working as a waitress to pay her loans. She was different than any other woman he had dated, that’s for sure. She wasn’t a model or actress- she was just an ordinary girl, and Harry loved it.
They’d began to meet each other frequently, even outside the coffee shop. Whether it be breakfast at the baker’s shop or dinner at Harry’s favorite restaurant, whether it be having a walk for hours or movie nights at one of their places. Both of them knew they felt something for each other, but they had been afraid to address the elephant in the room. Their age.
Y/N was definitely too young for Harry. She was just 20 years old.
There had been times where Harry had been ashamed to gush over a college girl who was 20 years younger than him. But the more he saw her, the more he longed for her, and it had almost been impossible to resist the urge to stay away from her. She was like a drug he couldn’t take his hands from and whom he was heavily addicted to. Y/N brought him a sense of euphoria each time he had a taste of her. With her, Harry felt as if he was back in his 20s. She made him feel younger than he truly was.
The feelings had been too strong to ignore, and finally they had made Harry explode.
“I know what we have isn’t actually normal to society and I should keep myself away from you, but believe me love, I can’t. Y/N, you’re so special to me that the mere thought of not having you by my side kills me. I’ve tried to deny my feelings for you, I’ve tried to be just a friend to you, but you’ve already had my heart the first time we met. I’m an old man who is in love with you and I would do anything to call you mine. So please, will you give me a chance?”
His hands had cupped her cheeks firmly yet gently between his palms as he looked at her with vulnerability and sincerity mirrored in his eyes. Tiny snow flakes were falling from the sky down to the ground, covering everything around them in white. Just like in romantic movies, they were standing on a bridge with a large river underneath, Harry confessing his love to her and waiting for her answer. With a single reply she could either make him the happiest man on earth or crush his heart into a pile of broken pieces.
“Harry…” she had mumbled under her breath. Seeing the tears in his eyes, she could sense how much everything must’ve affected him. “This isn’t indeed very normal, but you can’t decide who you love, do you? Your heart does it for you, just as mine did for me. I see no one but you wherever I go. When I see something I like, my first instinct is to ask you what you would think about it. Every time when I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning, it’s you I think about. You’ve made me absolutely smitten with you and I would probably do the biggest mistake if I let you go. So, let’s keep it to ourselves so that we can love each other in peace.”
That had been the only confirmation that Harry had needed before he had brought their lips together and had kissed her feverishly. From that very moment, he was a taken man. But to the public, he was still single. It was extremely hard to dodge the question of whether he was in a relationship when the truth was that he had a girlfriend. Harry, sometimes, was like an open book. Especially close friends could tell when he was lying.
Harry still insisted that he hadn’t met anyone when the love bites on his neck showed otherwise. He tried to make everyone believe that those were just ‘mosquito bites’. Not the most believable excuse.
If there was anything Harry felt guilty about is to hide his relationship from his family. He would’ve loved to introduce Y/N to them and telling them that she was the reason why he was so happy like he had never been before. After one failed marriage and a couple of relationships, Harry had fear he wouldn’t find anyone who was going to be his ‘forever’ anymore. He would’ve liked to have a woman to refer to as his wife and he would’ve loved to be a father. That was his dream with Y/N. Yet, he was concerned about how his mother and sister or worse, Y/N’s parents, would react should they decide to confess that the both of them were an item. He could clearly picture the disgust displayed on Y/N’s parent’s faces and the disappointment on his mother’s normally gentle features. He could sense the anger that his girlfriend’s father would radiate and the craving to rip Harry’s off of his shoulders.
Put their families aside; he was more afraid of media and the entire world. Afraid that they would reveal his secret. Afraid of judgement and harassment just because there was a 20 year old gap existing between him and his lovely girlfriend. The media, that had been stuck to his ass since the day he had entered the industry, was already presenting him as a fuckboy who could wrap every single woman around his finger if he wanted to. Who knew how they were going to portray him in case he’d admit that he was in a stable and happy relationship with a woman who wasn’t even born when he had made his first debut? He mentally saw the headlines in front of his eyes. Written in bold letters he could read words that made his insides frigid and colder than the Antarctica could ever be. Pedophile. Sugar Daddy. Tabloids would mock him for weeks, people would create unnecessary drama over his love life. If he really chose to tell the entire globe about Y/N, then he had to expect his name to appear in everybody’s mouth. He had to expect being seen in a completely different light and being treated differently. Besides, he wouldn’t be the only one suffering- also his girlfriend’s life would be drastically affected. Harry didn’t want to put his love through this huge mess. He couldn’t bear to see her suffer. Harry had never feared anything in his 40 years of living more than the fear of his love leaving him- and if she did, then there was absolutely nothing to save him.
“You’re the only man I ever want.” she had whispered assuringly against his mouth during the steamy moment while riding him with an agonizingly yet gentle pace, their lips clinging onto each other to a passionate kiss as though their lives were dependent on their opponent to survive. Harry’s heart had nearly burst out of his chest to her blissful confession. She had meant it then, but would she even keep her word when things got serious? Would she overcome the bullying and humiliation everybody would cause because of him? He couldn’t blame her if she broke her promise. He would welcome the choice of breaking up with him with understanding. Still, he hoped from the bottom of his heart that this wasn’t going to happen.
Back to reality, Harry pushed himself closer to Y/N so that every centimeter of his body that was left untouched by hers could find their relief. He didn’t know why he had the sudden urge to cry, but the uncertainty of what the future held in store for them was unnerving.
As a tear slipped down his cheek along his nose, Y/N awakened from her sleep, opening her eyes at the right time to find her lover being in distress. She didn’t even have to ask because she knew. They had talked about it too many times.
She caught the tears with her thumbs. “Don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”
Harry took her hand into his, interlocking their fingers and kissing her knuckles gently.
“I’m afraid of losing you…” he whispered, his voice hoarse as if he had smoked uncountable numbers of cigarettes.
“You’re not going to lose me. You and me against the world, remember?”
“I know…But, I want you to meet my mum, you know? I can’t hide like this anymore. I feel terrible. I’ve never had any secrets that I haven’t told my mum. We always talk to each other. It’s like I’m betraying her…But on the other hand, she may be tearing us apart. Who wouldn’t?”
Her warm breath roamed his cheek, and she gave him a small peck there. “Harry, I love you… And I’m sure we’re going to find a way out of this. No matter what the outcome might be, okay? I know you worship your mum and I would love to meet her soon, too. From what you always tell me about her, she must be a very wonderful person. The same goes with Gemma. We need to find a strategy first before we make our move.” She kissed him softly.
“But now, let’s go back to sleep. Don’t fill your head with unnecessary thoughts. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about it again, alright? And see what we need to do?”
“Okay…”
Y/N untangled herself from his grip. “Come here you big boy.”
She pointed at her chest, indicating that Harry should place his head on top of it. Harry did as he was told. Wrapping his arms around her hips, he gently attached himself back to her. The drumming of her heartbeat against his hair worked like a lullaby. Y/N started to hum a song while her fingers buried themselves into his curls. Embraced like this, they tried to find comfort in sleep, attempting to ignore the risks of their relationship.
#harry styles imagine#harry styles imagines#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fic#harry styles writing#harry styles one shot#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#harry styles blurb#harry styles prompt#harry styles x you#harry styles x reader#one direction imagines#one direction fanfiction
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so when I saw infinity war the second time, i brought a pen and a notebook with me and took notes in the dark the whole time. for my second endgame viewing yesterday, i did the same. i now present to you my Thoughts About Endgame. (this is. long.)
Major Spoilers Ahead.
okay seriously, nobody called clint up when there was a giant invasion in wakanda??? nobody???
also it was daytime in wakanda when the snap happened. it’s also daytime wherever clint is in america when the snap happens. someone explain.
god the dawning panic when clint realizes his family is gone. that whole scene is so empty and unsettling, it was shot really well
i automatically associate 80s music with space thanks to marvel.
tony stark adopting strays everywhere he goes since 2013.... i love this about him
nebula finally got to win something!!!! “it was fun.”
and then she gives him their final ration. i’m- :((((
back on earth..... thank god the beard is gone.
“I lost the kid” tony’s face wow that’s devastating, no thanks
“Is um...” what was tony going to say after that??
“I thought you were a build-a-bear.” “Maybe I am.” fuckign.... tony please sdfgdfg
“And I needed you.” tony :(((
“No trust. Liar.” this entire scene is just. chilling. heartbreaking. tony has nothing left for anyone, and especially nothing left for steve, except-
him ripping the metaphorical heart out of his chest and handing it to steve made me literally gasp the first time i watched this film. i feel like it hasn’t been talked about enough, but it’s incredibly poetic.
“where are you going?” “to kill thanos” i haven’t seen captain marvel but i’m already in love with carol danvers
and now they have hope, they still think they can bring everyone back... what a dangerous thing
suddenly steve is looking at his locket of peggy all the time.starting in this film only. can we let him grieve for his actual friends?? you know, the ones he just lost? does he even mention sam or bucky in the entire film? alright russos, i have several bones to pick with you about this, but alright....
i gotta say, when i first watched this i was astounded that thanos destroyed the stones and then got beheaded in the first twenty minutes. it really left me wondering, well- what now? and that was exciting.
five years later. i mean, we knew there would be a time jump, but i wasn’t expecting this.
we’re really calling this cameo by russo representation huh
lol
and like??? steve brings up nobody he lost in the snap, instead chosing to focus on “the love of his life” that he met and lost in 1945. this struck me as odd the first time i watched and now i’m like. man they’re really trying 2 justify their later decision, huh
so they’re calling those who were snapped “The Vanished” according to the sanfran memorial
avengers r still a thing and their complex has actually grown in size?? who is funding this. is it tony
my next note just says HAIR SDFDSDFG aka heLLO carol danvers
nat :((((
crying and eating a sandwich is a mood
god. the quiet grief
natasha romanoff has come such a long way from her introduction in iron man 2. she cries freely, loves her family, actively wants to be a better person, even if a lot of her family isn’t around today. i just- love her so much.
“we both need to get a life.” “you first.” goddamnit
i.... love happy, peaceful, good dad Tony Stark, so much.
“define lunch or be disintegrated” morgan h stark is so cute
“you like going in the garage, huh? so does daddy.” tony was already so proud of her god i just :((((
me, zooming in on nat: ARROW NECKLACE
does she only wear that when she’s missing clint, or
I’m truly in my feelings about Tony being The Best Dad
Bruce apparently spent 18 months in a gamma lab, which is interesting.
god the scene with the kids asking for a selfie was so cringe are you telling me they could include this but steve couldn’t mourn for his friends
tony does dishes now. a true housedad.
that’s!!!! his first son!!!!!! :((((((
can you believe it was peter parker who pushed tony to invent time travel
“i’ve got something on my mind.” “is it juice pops?” i’m just thinking now about how howard most definitely would have sent tony straight to bed, but tony lets morgan stay up and eat juice pops with him. this is just. straight up great content.
“I love you 3000″ can you just. his face when she says that. also i’m never getting over that phrase ever
“I can stop,” Tony says, on the brink of inventing time travel.
“But would you be able to rest?” says Pepper, who has been trying and failing to get him to stop for a good 15 years.
the parallels between this and her last words to tony. ouch.
this is such a good and steady relationship now :(.
sdfgfdfg why is steve dressing like he’s from the 40s again is this a visual sign of his regression
god they did thor so dirty in this film. not with his character- him falling into great depression and having ptsd is not a bad thing, but treating it like a joke is. the audience is invited to laugh at him. Bad.
thor threatening “noobmaster69″ over the headset for his rock friend is very funny though.
hey tokyo looks alright compared to a lot of america.
every single clintasha scene in this film kills the man.
also everyone knows thanos’s name. i assume that means the world knows why everyone disappeared.
“you’re only a genius on earth” yeah but who invented time travel, rocket
rhodey wanting to straight up murder baby thanos is hilarious
the explanations of time travel in this film give me a headache
“TIME HEIST BRAINSTORMING SESSION”
bruce, nat and tony all laying around throwing ideas back and forth.... this movie is valid sometimes
“see you in a minute,” natasha says, and she’s smiling.
this is her family you guys :(((((
NEW YORK 2012
MY FAVOURITE SCENE
omg bruce making such a halfhearted attempt at smashing things please i love
okay cut to 2013 Asgard, and Thor sneaks right by his currently dead brother without even looking at him. this movie confuses me
fuck the scene where rocket slaps thor for having a panic attack. i’m glad thor ended up abandoning him.
okay so everything important happens between 2012-2014
cap/tony/scott, clintasha, nebula/rhodey.... these are such ideal teamups
“we’re a long way from budapest” give me my clintasha movie, marvel!!!
okay back in 2012, HOW did JARVIS not register the fact that there were two steves and two tonys in Stark Tower
god this entire scene is fucking hilarious the entire mcu was worth everything for the 2012 time travel scene
fuckign.... loki
ELEVATOR SCENE
as a cap 2 stan i feel so validated
HA IL HYDRA
WHEN I SAY I GASPED IN DELIGHT
CAP VS CAP
“I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY”
“YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW”
sadfgfdfg are u really telling me that cap takes the peggy locket everywhere
BUCKY IS ALIVE
THAT IS AMERICAS ASS SDFGFSDF PLEASE
2012 avengers best avengers
meanwhile the sorcerer lady is giving bruce a time travel lesson and i didn’t understand any of it but basically each reality requires six stones in order to not be torn apart by the forces of darkness? ??
I’m just glad thor got some kind of closure by talking to his mom
side note you can definitely tell that frigga raised loki
“EAT A SALAD”
“i’m still worthy” asdfgfdf yeah but now this timeline thor has no hammer!!!
QUILL SDFGFDSDFGHFDS
this movie is so entertaining
i live for nebula and rhodey just judging everyone
so do the guardians just.... not happen in the 2014 timeline?
gamora is ready to Fight thanos when the maw threatens nebula
was that young alexander pierce headed underground in 1970?
bone 2 pick with this whole time travel thing
thor got closure by talking to his mom
tony got closure by talking to his dad
steve saw peggy working, successful and thriving, through a window. closure where????
he should have gotten a chance to talk to her and received closure that way.
hank pym is an asshole but i guess we already knew that
“my wife is expecting” so tony was born 1970/1971 ig
howard’s dad beat him with a belt. i suppose every stark does a little better parenting-wise
Jarvis!!!!!!! agent carter is canon!!!!
vormir oh god here we go
“under different circumstances, this would be totally awesome” i’m inclined to agree with clint
this part goddamit
handholding :((((
my next note just says “aveng ers 1 paralels fu k”
the way this was filmed was beautiful. the colours, the lighting, the acting, the dialogue, the parallels to the first clintasha fight in avengers 1..... if natasha had to die, this was.... a good death, i think.
“damn you!”
“it’s okay.”
clint is begging her this hurts so much :(((
god. tears.
clint just sobbing in the water with the soul stone in his hand hits some kind of way
where is natasha’s funeral, huh??? why does steve shed like one (1) tear?
also why does the gauntlet need to physically be snapped like what does that dO
i just realized that thor’s fake eye is amber.
Infinity Stones:
almost killed thanos after 2 uses
destroyed bruce’s arm
killed tony
imagine an alternate scene where all six original avengers survived until this point and all of them held one stone as they snapped thanos’s army out of existence. that would have been the ultimate fanservice and i would have astral projected. anyway we’re getting off topic
“don’t change anything from the last five years.” what tony means is “please don’t erase my daughter”.
SNAP
yay they did it except-
how did everyone survive thanos blowing up the avengers compound
2014 gamora sounds just- slightly different than 2018 gamora. a little harsher. the guardians haven’t yet softened her edges.
“we become sisters” and suddenly gamora has hope
i- did that lightning just braid thor’s hair sdfgdsdfgh
this is a harsher thanos. thanos who died in 2018 had been changed. weakened, maybe.
thor, cap and tony fought in avengers one. now, they’re fighting thanos together.
l just. love that clint has a sword now.
“he won’t let me” nebula.... :(((((( and she dies crying
i have a note here that says “thor’s lightning + tony = c o o l”
STEVE WITH MJOLNIR
ASDFGFSDF FUCK THIS WAS WORTH EVERYTHING MARVEL HAS EVER PUT ME THROUGH
LIGHTNING POWERS
i LIVE
oooh it’s personal for thanos now
ON
YOUR
LEFT
the portals scene fUCK
this is just. worth it. on every level.
PETER AND TONY
“this is nice” please :((((((
poor peter quill gets snapped, gamora’s loss fresh in his mind, then he thinks he’s gotten her back and she’s not the gamora he knew. ouch.
tell me why everyone but steve gets a reunion scene lol
peter introducing himself to everyone!!!! he’s so sweet.
CAPTAIN MARVEL HAS ARRIVED
i’m gay. oh my god.
hhhhgn hair
GIRLS
this is fanservice!!! as in, i am a fan and i feel fuckign SERVICED
thor duel welding mjolnir and stormbreaker is AWESOME.
strange holds up one finger. tony gives a look of heartbreaking acceptance.
god. tony stark, you brave, brave man. he knew he wasn’t going to survive this one.
“I am inevitable.”
“I. am. Iron Man.”
SNAP (2)
you lose, thanos.
but also, i lose, because oh god tony.
peter :(((
“Mr Stark!”
“Sir!!”
“Tony!!”
oh. fuck.
“you can rest now” do you SEE the parallels to the earlier conversation between tony and pepper :(((
the arc reactor going out physically broke me
i didn’t take many notes after this because i was literally sobbing lol
“I love you 3000″ stabs me again
“proof that tony stark has a heart” yes well my heart is breaking
happy :((( is morgan’s jarvis :(((((
Queen!!!! Valkyrie!!!
this dick measuring contest between Quill and Thor got old five hours of content ago.
:))))) rage time :))))))
bruce tried to bring back nat with the snap :(((
oh god bucky.
his face!!!!! his voice!!!! he’s trying to be strong and find but he looks dead inside
i just- fuck. he knew and he let steve go.
why did he show up on that bench i don’t understand
“I’m happy for you” are you telling me sam wasn’t the least bit hurt or mad
the ONLY good thing about this is Captain Sam
fuck steve tho
what year is this dance in
i mean. it’s sweet. but this is not steve.
I think i’ve talked enough about my dislike of the direction steve’s character went in in this film. that was the major point of dislike for me, but given that the council has made a stupid ass decision i’ve elected to ignore it. i understand that both tony and steve had to make their exist from the franchise here, but.... there were better ways to go about that.
i think a few different relationships slipped through the cracks here- characters suddenly grieving people they haven’t seen in /years/ and completely ignoring others who only recently died was a big one for me. but other characters saw a lot of development- nebula was a favourite of mine in this film, which i was not expecting! she and rhodey made a really good team- i feel like they understand one another.
the Original Six all saw a decent amount of screen time, which i appreciated. nobody got left behind there. there were so many references to other films that i know i didn’t catch them all, but it really made this movie seem like a love letter to the fans.
i want to make it clear that i actually loved most of this film. i think it was a good send off for the avengers and i love a good time travel plot (like, it’s one of my all-time favourite tropes. i was vibrating with excitement in the theater during the 2012 scenes.) i went in expecting a lot of the emotion to be sidelined in favor of plot and action, and while that happened a little bit, i was overall pleasantly surprised with the amount of emotion that they fit into this film. characterization and emotion is perhaps even more important to me than a good plot, and this film got the emotion down.
it’s definitely not a perfect film but it could have been so much worse, so i’m grateful that we got a good sendoff for the avengers.
7/10.
#endgame#endgame spoilers#avengers endgame#marvel#spoilers#shelby reviews movies#it took me two hours to write this out bye
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Dear Micheal,
I loved you with every ounce of my being. You were my world, and I held you up for everyone to see. I always felt in my soul that you were special, different from everyone else. I thought for sure that we would be together forever, but that was just a false fairy tale.
I’ll never forget the first time we went out to dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant which happened to be 40 minutes away from home. Back then, you impressed me. It wouldn’t be until years later, I would see your dark soul emerge and try to engulf me until I was no more.
The thing is, back then, you wanted me, but I wasn’t available. That fueled my desire for you even more because who doesn’t love a juicy forbidden love story? I told you my goodbyes and chose him over you. You were so hurt, and honestly so was I. I felt as though I was missing out on someone special.
After we parted ways, I found myself constantly thinking of you. Even though I was with someone else. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was about that had me so drawn to you. You were like a drug I couldn’t get enough of.
One day, I decided to text you. “Hey! It’s Amber.” I wasn’t sure if you remembered me, but you responded and asked me how I was doing. You told me when I has told you goodbye, you looked online for information about soul mates because you thought I was yours. “I thought I had missed out on something when you left.” My heart fluttered, but my brain stopped me before my heart took over. I was still with Kyle. I couldn’t talk to you. This was so wrong. So I left you again.
2 years later, we reunited. You came back home to see your family, and we made plans to see each other while you were back. I asked to hang out with you over the weekend, but you declined. I went on another date as revenge. God you made me crazy. I was crazy for you.
When I finally saw you, my heart whispered, “We’re home.” It was so good to see your face. I remembered how I felt when I first saw you, and suddenly, I was at peace. My addiction was handled thanks to you. Watching you laugh and how you walked, how you looked. I had my drug back, and this time, I relapsed fast with no looking back. Except things were different this time around.
You see, life had other plans for you. The men that took you, I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive them. You had changed, you weren’t relaxed. You were on edge and there was a burning fire in your eyes. It was as if your soul had died. The man I knew and remembered was gone. I recognized this because I’d been living with it all my life with my father. But I ignored the signs and fell for you anyway.
We ate, had some drinks, went back to my place. And then it happened. Your lips touched mine and down we went into a spiral that would only become more aggressive as time went on. I like to think of our journey together as a black hole. It sucked us up without us even knowing.
My favorite thing was waking up next to you. You would pull me close and I never felt so at home. The devil was happy as his two spawns were finally uniting.
Our week together was incredible, and I didn’t want it to end, but the men needed you to come back. You had your duties and responsibilities. I remember laying with you the night before you left and wishing that time would stop. I didn’t want them to take you away again. But that time came and then you were gone to the other side of the country. The year of hell would soon begin.
In the beginning, things were great. I was so in love with you, so happy. We talked every night, and every time I heard your voice, it would bring me back to when we were together. Oh how I craved you, your touch, your kiss. Everything. Things were great until we had our first fight. It was over something stupid most likely, I can’t even recall what it was about. But I remember you texted me the next day and innocently asked “Are we over?” It was the cutest thing I’ve had happen to me after a fight, and I thought immediately, “Yes, this is the man I’m going to marry.” That reaction fixed everything, but things would only get worse.
Being miles away from you hurt me so much. I was frustrated and wanted to see you. My heart ached every time I thought of you. Dramatic? Maybe, but I didn’t care because I truly cared for you. Falling in love with you was like jumping off of a building: there was no stopping it and I continued to accelerate into madness. Sooner or later, I would hit the bottom. I was ready to drop everything and come to you.
Suddenly, I realized you didn’t feel the same way. All of a sudden, my world came crashing down, my hopes and dreams were shattered. You told me you felt the same way I did, but you never got excited about it. You would talk about being physically together occasionally, but the plans were never made. I felt like you didn’t want me anymore, I wasn’t good enough. You mentioned a future, but did you actually ever want it?
You always said “I like how I am” or “I’m never 100% sure about what I want.” Never taking responsibility, never taking the initiative. I felt truly alone. I was fighting a battle only I was a part of. How could this happen? How could someone I love all of a sudden hate me so much? How can they say they want to marry me only to break my heart over and over? You say let’s get married and build a life, but you’re unsure.
Sometimes I blame them for taking away the man I loved and remembered. Sometimes I blame myself for not trying hard enough. And of course, sometimes, I blame you for filling my head with things I wanted to hear only to destroy me. I wonder if you did this because I denied you the first time you pursued me. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore because I no longer crave you. You are now an after thought, someone that I used to love. I was too much for you to handle. I’m too empathetic, too sensitive. But let me ask you. Why is it okay for you to be content with who you are but you refused to compromise for me? You expected me to change myself for you, but on the terms you could stay the way you are. Whatever, I’m not dependent on drugs anymore. The withdrawal was painful, but I don’t need you anymore.
Unfortunately, no one is perfect. Being happy with who you are and not seeing room for improvement will stunt your growth mentally and intellectually. The day you decide to never change yourself is the day you stop learning and growing. In the end, you will always suffer, not me. I recognize my faults, and my goal is to grow. I will apologize if I have wronged you in some way, and I will try to do better next time. I feel sorry for you because as superior as you think you are, you are actually very stupid. I say that as politely as I can.
Do you want to know what truly broke me? You told me I could talk to you about anything. “Talk to me like you normally would.” So one day I did. You know my past, you know my struggles. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to, someone to reassure me that everything will be okay. Is it stupid? Maybe, but that’s not for you or anyone to decide. Everyone copes differently. I trusted you. I went to you to talk. You reacted by yelling at me and telling me to get help. I was so confused and lost because you are the same person who told me I could talk to you. I don’t make you crazy. You make yourself crazy.
Ladies, let me tell you something. If someone says they aren’t sure about anything, run. You deserve to be with someone who unquestionably is so in love with you and will do anything to show you that. They will prove to you that they want you to be a part of their lives. You will never question where you stand. Will things always be perfect? Absolutely not. Your man is not going to act like a King all the time and give you whatever your heart desires; however, there should be compromise. You should not be putting every effort into the relationship while the other person does nothing at all and blames their incompetence in the relationship on “being too busy.” If he’s too busy for you 365 days, he’s not ready to handle a woman like you.
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