#anyway my point is i'm stressed at the idea of more homework ... most of them are group projects so i'm kinda chill though

[astrxealis]

good morning ^___^

[bluelolblue]

More about Romano

I would like to share some more about Romano :)

Even though Romano was the first born son of Giovanni and Cornelia (parents names), his father realized that... Romano is just not good enough to be a future heir/leader. (Santino affect).

Romano was a quiet little boy, liked to write poems and draw, and wasn't interested into Giovanni's talks about his job. And just... "he has useless talents" - Giovanni.

Second born son! (Imma call him Lorenzo for now bc he's the only member of this family that I couldn't figure out the name). Oh, he looks more like Giovanni and doesn't look "weak." Now, Romano isn't weak, he just looks a bit more slim and when you compare Lorenzo and Romano, you would probably think Lorenzo is the older brother. But nope, Romano is.

Yes, Romano took more of Cornelia's look, the fur coat. She is more of the common belgian malinois fur coat, the fawn/cream color, while Giovanni is more like gray/cream/with some black patterns.

I will give pics for the reference, I'm really bad at explaining their fur colors.

The fawn/cream that I explained. So, this is kinda how I imagine Romano, Cornelia and Emilio. With probably slight differences.

Gray/cream/with some black patterns that I explained. How I imagine, Giovanni, Valeria and Lorenzo. With some slight differences.

Anyways, yes... Lorenzo was going to be the future heir!

And then they also got Valeria, she is the third born and the last, youngest son Emilio.

Valeria looks more like Giovanni, while Emilio like Cornelia.

Valeria is very pretty, is close with her mother because they're the only girls in this family... you gotta stick together when these guys start talking. She is calm, is best friends with Luna (black cat, I will talk about her some other time), but also has her own problems that I will talk about in another post! But she's really chill and is actually a really good friend... she needs more friends actually :<

Emilio is... Emilio. He's the youngest and Romano is the only one out of other siblings that can handle his energy and he helps him out with school/homeworks actually. Emilio is funny, has the energy, would like more of attention from Giovanni but... Giovanni is only focused on Lorenzo.

Unfortunately, Emilio doesn't have a happy ending. He dies in Romano's hands, he was shot right in front of him.

Anyways, my point of all of them is that none of Giovanni's kids are perfect. He wanted a heir, but all of his kids have their problems, even Lorenzo who seems the most confident one.

Lorenzo got into so many arguments with Romano because of his ego. But in the end, Romano is the oldest one and one day he puts Lorenzo in his place. I was thinking of making Lorenzo go blind on one eye which makes him not perfect and he was literally manipulated his whole life that he was the perfect one. So he would be extremely stressed out when he notices that he can't really see on one of his eyes. And that's where Romano yells at him and probably slaps him to calm down. Because Romano snapped. He was never aggressive or anything, but he snapped a few times. Okay, my point was, Lorenzo thinks he's not perfect and good enough.

Valeria is not seen as perfect because she's unhappy with her life and the only girl out of the siblings.

Emilio is... a disappointment like Romano.

So... all of them... are unhappy with themselves 😭

Even Cornelia sometimes... that's a whole other story!

(WIP IDEA) I was thinking that in the end, Romano becomes the leader after Lorenzo got assassinated. So that makes Romano automatically the new leader even if he never wanted that.

Yes, Romano is really good friends with Sephtis and Marc and he is extremely loyal to Sephtis because he helped him out a lot. And here comes the Vito "I don't forget." Italian style. So, Romano has his bodyguards, has his people and whenever Sephtis would need anything, any help, he will help him. Even if it meant killing someone.

Okay, while I'm talking about Romano, he was with Amando (a jaguar) who works for the enemy clan. Amando just used Romano for pleasure and to get more information. Very toxic. I was thinking to make Romano shot him dead in the "big fight" idea I have that includes Sephtis and his family being attacked by that clan. I will talk more about that clan in another post because it involves Marc's past. Plus... Amando killed Emilio.

And then Romano went with Luna from friends to lovers. Luna helped Romano heal! Unfortunately they can't get married because of the society and the rules about interspecies. Society won't really accept a dog and a cat dating, let alone get married. There are only individuals who don't mind it! (That rules gets a bit better in modern times!)

So yeah... Romano! I love him so much and I can imagine him in every Santino's suit!

[annoying-probably]

Akitouya is the definition of homiesexuals (and more, but sad).

That's my hook line for the start of the post anyways to go into more depth; you can really read them as both being horrificly in love and held back by something or another, a thin veil of friendship. Now, this is not only 5am posting, but also, my opinion. You can read them however you want to. Will they ever be canon? God knows! I am a little to autistic to understand if I am reading something as coding or if it is even there at all yk? No matter what. Whatever. This could also go over anhane but "I'm going on a date with Kohane!" An shiraishi is definitely read far less as coding at this point, honestly.

Anyways.

They do everything normal friends would, they look out for each other, protect each other from their fears, sit next to each other and always seem to understand each other. But there's extra steps to it. It's never just "I want to be friends forever." It's "I want to be by your side forever." VBS' in general theme is partnership, not best friendship. There's a deeper connection flowing under the surface. It's almost telekinetic at points- we can see from card stories, the pre main story ones, Akito says he can't understand Touya's face, and sometime after the main story, he can "understand that stoic face of yours." /Parap. Something that most other people struggle with, with Touya. For one example.

Now, I could debate until the heat death of the universe that they're coded or they aren't- that's anyone's game. I'm not here to force you to think they're a couple. Just they have a bond far deeper than just classic best buddies.

Some would say till death do they part.

Tw! This part will deal with themes of suicide and ideation of such.

Nothing you wouldn't see outside the game.

I'll admit, I haven't read walk on and on or find a way out. I do know the songs pretty well! Infact I haven't done a suspended animation analysis because it seems so cut and dry. Even in the names of the events, find a way out of what? Pointlessness? Walk on and on can be either way. Walking on and on forever because Touya's a little fruity, wanting to be beside Akito forever, or just feeling like everyday is just walking on and on.

The songs aren't a very different story. Utsuro wo aogu, a song about staring into the face of the "void" and smiling. Walking beside it and becoming one with it on occasion. It's as obvious "wanting to disappear" from niigo. But he smiles, because Touya is used to the void, and accepts it as a part of life, of him. Ideally living alongside it. Suspended animation.. well it's all in lyrics itself. It doesn't stop there, though. Ghost city Tokyo, Airhead, au no beats. Probably more I'm missing. Different songs about accepting death, or accepting the idea of suicide. Ghost city Tokyo, specifically, can be read thematically similar to utsuro wo aogu, accepting the idea of living because you've got someone beside you. Aun no beats about not accepting someone's gone. The writers wouldn't pick the songs for no reason, obviously.

They're really both unstable, but stay stable by being together, the others sense of reason. They're guiding the world together, fighting the same struggles separately, but bearing the pain of it together. It's really sweet yet sad, to me. When they fight, the few times we see, you can see how much different they are. That's also from the added stress of the situations, too. I must stress, you shouldn't live for another person- only yourself. But this is obviously the dynamic these two very mentally ill teens have built their trust on- that no matter what, it's them against the world.

I'd even say you can see this sort of gentle pushing in their everyday life, they're guiding each other through teasing and such. Touya is the one who makes Akito study and do homework, out right bullying him into doing it (exaggerating, he does seem way more serious when it comes down to it, though. Kohane sbd 3* SS2?? I think?). They poke at each other to get better, by relying and climbing off each others good points to get better. They hold each other to the exact standard they hold themselves, but, atleast earlier in the story, always held their partner to some unachievable, perfect standard. Now, they're side-by-side, in some 3-legged-race against everyone else. ( This isn't exclusive to them!!!! Antouya and Akikoha and Akian have similar versions of this dynamic, but slightly different. Like akian being more teasing and competitive to grow, antouya being like a supportive pair of siblings who hype each other up, etc etc.)

They're constantly described as being conjoined at the hip, which we even see in cards and animations; they.. really are. In every singular way. Their songs all have sad meanings, it's as if they will follow each other everywhere, no matter what. Which is a disturbing thought with their mental states!! ( I do not believe any of them are okay after Gekokujo, even if they say they are,, ). Id expect to see some big breakdown from one of them, since An just had one, and some big group cry, or something similar or Kohane getting her big leader moment where she pulls them all together. Now they get more hips to be attached with!! They're all close and besties, Akty just had way more time to work on their bond. Almost 4 years in canon!!!! Only a few major arguments and close fun years of healing, fighting the world together. It's time they opened up their views too :) but I doubt they'll get quite the same dynamic with anyone else. They just have that spark that can't be replicated.

Does this rant mean anything? I don't know! Wanted to write something for akty week and saw I had this WIP, so finished it up. Might do a hc post soon :))

[hanzajesthanza]

oh my gosh you guys i'm so excited

diary entry about post-graduation update + channel and equipment update... (tl;dr at end)

as it's a new year, i really do want to make the channel happen, and though i don't make new year's resolutions, i make "intentions"... what's plausible, what do i realistically think could happen during this year?

during college (which is essentially the entire time i've been in the witcher fandom, not counting my senior year of high school), i had no time to make videos, it was a laughable idea. but i've graduated now, and though i have a job and freelance, my job is currently part-time / as-needed and i work from home most days. on top of that, i now don't have homework and three other part-time jobs—yes, that was my schedule in college: full time student with extra units/elective classes, extracurriculars (clubs), two to three part-time jobs and working on the weekends, and since i'm some kind of masochist and intensely fearful of handing in below-standard work, always turned in the homework on time. i LOVED college, but that schedule, those responsibilities... whoo... my life was, should i say "an extremely fun living hell," like an amusement park, but the rides run on your blood.

anyways, with the foresight that my work-life balance will remain around what i've gotten it to by the end of last year, and foreseeing no extreme life or financial challenges this year, and hopefully no mental illness (sounds hilarious when phrased like that, but you know. depressive episodes are real) i finally have... free time. and WEEKENDS! what a concept! and at my job, i'm the newest of the team, as well as a junior, so i don't have to fend for myself when it comes to handling projects, i just have to be present, listen, and do my best! i'm there to learn from my senior coworkers! also, in the past six months since graduating i've gotten more sleep than i think i have in the past eight years of my life. so overall, i've been way less stressed and a lot more personally fulfilled in my life. though i do miss college, and looking at photos from the past years and especially looking at pictures from graduation almost make me cry because i miss it so much, there is no way i am going back to that kind of schedule. i'll stick with a stable 9-5 or part-time, thank you very much. (if i ever do go to grad school, it will have to be in some improbably future where i don't take a part-time job during the studies).

but back to my aforesaid prompt: "what's plausible, what do i realistically think could happen during this year?" this year, i think it's actually plausible that i begin to make videos. not produce them on a regular basis, no, and not commit to a video schedule, but just making them. or crafting them, i should say, it's a whole process...

the funny thing is that i've watched youtubers since 2012 and learned skills in video production in 2016, but only now am i really discovering how challenging content creation is. everything really has to be meticulously planned if you want to make good content. it seems obvious, but since it takes so little time to watch a youtube video, i never really appreciated all the work that goes into them. and, of course, since i'm a stickler for details and "quality content," i'm not about to put out something that's sub-par. this channel either gets done right, or not at all. since it's my personal project, i have the right to determine when, if stuff gets put out.

that brings me back to the original point of this post.

because of the intricate nature of analysis, it's impossible for me to do a video without a script, i can't just "wing it," because i need to specifically structure my arguments and cite my sources. but i can't memorize my lines, and have issues with eye contact & looking at the camera.

yes, i could make videos not using my face and just reading a script while playing something unrelated, but to me, that defeats the entire purpose of it being a video—at that point, either make an audio-based media (like a podcast), or better yet, leave it as a written post. additionally, i think it's low effort and not explorative of the medium of video and film, which, again, if you're making a video, it should add something. another additionally, i highly dislike the idea of just playing one of the witcher games as background visuals and placing my analysis of the books on top of that. the books are their own thing, and as far as i should be concerned when it comes to "serious analysis," the games don't exist as part of the canon. of course, the games exist as a part of the community, as a historical moment and landmark of the fandom, but i mean in terms of facts i have to go off of—this is about the series by sapkowski, not the series by CDPR. i have to make that as clear as possible. i'm even against using character models from the games in these videos, because—that's within the gamespace. even if it's a custom model or modded characters, as is how i play tw3 and also recommend—i don't want to use it in these videos, because it would directly suggest that this is something which could exist in the game space. this is all just a tangent about my artistic direction, but i think it's significant and important to consider when creating something that takes so much work anyways (analysis posts are both a lot of work, and also personal because they're mostly ideas i've nursed for a long time).

on that note, that's why i do indeed want to use my face and likeness in the videos, even if it's not me by my real name or likeness—rather, pseudonyms and characters i play. i came to this conclusion a long time ago anyways, but it has to be me, i can't hide behind visuals... and i think using a sona or animated figure just cheapens it and distracts from the serious nature of the videos.

of course, this is all countered by the fact that being on camera is SUPER difficult!

i enjoy writing long posts and scripts, and i enjoy talking about these topics and saying these scripts aloud (especially if the topic is something i'm especially passionate about, then i practically know the whole argument by heart anyways). but having to say a pre-written sentence, without that sentence in front of me, is impossible—at least for me, right here, right now. and i don't have time to become an expert presenter that's able to memorize that much and still act natural on camera, because i feel like the need for a books channel, or some kind of "hub" for book fans, is urgent, and it has been urgent for the past three years.

but what i realized was this: yes, i'm not experienced at being on camera, but i think it goes beyond feeling natural or being able to memorize lines, and exceeds into the territory of "i can't say my entire essay off the top of my head," because i'm just not a professional in that way.

i struggled with this for a long time, especially because after i bought my camera, and after i graduated and finally had time to make videos, i felt mad at myself for not being able to execute videos right away, off the top of my head. i had the resources right in front of me, but i still couldn't do it.

so, not to employ the sunk cost fallacy, but...

as the new year rolled around, i researched and invested in a cheap teleprompter for the channel, just because i've been having a lot of issues with filming... and holy shit, it works. no, i didn't film an entire video or something like that, so i don't have anything to show at the moment. but all i did was set it up and use it to feed myself a script (some analysis i recently wrote) and oh my god, i was able to talk to the camera, without overbearing awkwardness or fear, with a smile and everything. just the liberating feeling of being able to read my script while looking into the camera made me so excited, i just had to write this update post...

my next step is to get my audio sorted. i want to directly use a microphone linked to my camera so i don't have to record on my laptop and then sync audio in post (i hate syncing audio!) but i think we'll see what the budget is like and go from there. i can use my USB microphone, but it's also something i have to hold in my hand since i don't have a mic stand, so i can't just act natural while filming.

this will work for the analysis videos, though i don't know if it's relevant for the fun ~fandom~ videos i have planned. either way, it's a good thing. i feel like i just got some much needed accomodations, this is fantastic.

tl;dr

i got a teleprompter so i think it will help me film videos, i tested it out and felt way more confident while filming, yayyyy ❤️

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 3

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 9.9k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

--------------

"But I want to sleep..." Seohyun complained.

"Is sleep more important to you than us?" Wooyoung asked.

"Of course it is. Is that even a question?" Seohyun raised her brow and Wooyoung gaped at her.

"We've been friends for long now, Wooyoung, I thought you knew better not to ask questions like these," Yeosang said, laughing.

It had been more than a month now since that incident with San. Seohyun looked at each of them slowly, smiling. Despite herself, she had gotten quite used to the company of these boys. And they were EIGHT. It was hard to not be alone. Even if some of them were busy, the rest would always fool around after school as well.

Seohyun had gotten to know them well now too. She knew that Hongjoong, the oldest, also acted like one. He had a thing for fashion, and had reformed her navy blue cap that she always wore, embroidering a cat on it.

Seonghwa was the mom of this group for sure. He was always keeping them in check, always stopping them from doing something stupid (which was most of the times) and always helping them with homework. He was very caring, and he couldn't hide that part of himself.

Yunho was the clown of the group, and surprisingly, she was getting along with him and Yeosang quite well. Yeosang and her had the savageness in common, which mixed well with Yunho's humor. Since the three sat next to each other, they would always pass a joke or two to her even during class, and she had to beg them to stop one too many times.

Wooyoung and Mingi were quite funny too. There was just something contagious about their smiles. Seohyun found herself smiling a lot in their company. It didn't help that Wooyoung laughed like a hyena; even when she had no reason to laugh, she'd burst out laughing when she heard Wooyoung laugh.

She was getting along well with Jongho too, especially because they were paired for a project. She hadn't had the chance to talk to him much but once she did, she found that he was actually quite witty despite his dad jokes, and that he loved singing and... breaking apples. Which was weird but it was fun to see how strong he was.

"All you do is sleep, Seohyun. You have to come with us now," San insisted.

Seohyun stared at San. She was glad they were out of danger -for now. The old ghost had finally moved on after realizing that killing Seohyun was not worth it (thanks to Jiwoo). San had gotten close to Jiwoo as well. When she was not hanging out with the boys, she was with San. He liked being in her company because apparently 'he didn't want to look stupid alone staring at the distance'. He could see all sorts of ghosts now and Seohyun was helping him practice differentiating between the living and the dead.

"All right, but if I see something stupid, I leave. Okay?" Seohyun locked eyes with him and he nodded assuredly, smiling and showing off his dimples.

Hongjoong had been insisting that she finally come to their 'second home'. Apparently it was a warehouse that Hongjoong's father owned but had no use for so Hongjoong turned it into a place for him and the boys to hang out. She had no idea what they did there, and they finally wanted to show her the place because they all 'approved of her now and accepted her as one of them'.

The warehouse wasn't far from school so they decided to walk there. The black cat was walking with them now. San bent to pick her up, patting her head.

"Still didn't come up with a name?" Seohyun asked.

"You rejected Shiber. I don't want any other name," San pouted.

"I told you you could call it Shiber, I'll just... call it whatever I call her... hey what do I even call her?" Seohyun wondered.

"You never actually call her, do you?" San laughed a little, caressing the cat's neck, "She sticks to you, and you didn't even give her a name. I'm disappointed in you."

"I couldn't find the right name," Seohyun mumbled, frowning.

"Still, she's been your friend for what, like a year now-"

"FINE. Shiber. That sounds like a male name though."

"It's my plushie's name, but she reminds me of it," San admitted.

"You're naming my cat after a plushie? SAN!" Seohyun punched San's arm, making him laugh out loud. Wooyoung joined them, grinning.

"San's had that plushie since he was a kid," Wooyoung said. "I'm not surprised that he couldn't come up with any other name."

"You should've told me before, I would have never allowed him to name the cat then..." Seohyun shook her head but grinned.

"We're here!" Hongjoong announced, and Seohyun took off her sunglasses as she looked at the large warehouse, the sun reflecting harshly back at her, making her eyes water.

They went inside, Seohyun stepping in last and she blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Mingi turned the light on, and she ran her eyes around.

"Woah," she breathed. It really did feel like a 'home'. The place had everything they could think of; sofas, couches, tables, a fridge for snacks, a basket for basketball, and so many musical instruments and equipment. "Are you guys secretly famous musicians or what?"

"Nothing like that," Seonghwa laughed, "We just really like music. Hongjoong is always making songs though. We fool around."

"I wouldn't call this 'fooling around'," Seohyun said, walking towards the equipment, stopping mid-way. "Can I?"

"Of course," several of them replied, nodding. She smiled as she ran her fingers across the piano, looking at the speakers and the mics. She saw some pages, probably lyrics scribbled on them, lying on the table near.

"So you guys... make music? Do you want to be idols or something?"

"For now, we're just exploring," Jongho replied, "Who knows? Maybe some of us might want to go into the musical side."

"So you all sing?"

"I'm the rapper," Mingi said, "Hongjoong raps too."

Seohyun made an impressed face. She pressed some of the piano keys, and something clicked at her mind. She looked up at Hongjoong as a grin spread across her face. "So that's why your fingers are always tapping at the desk. You make music!"

"Oh? I'm surprised you noticed," Hongjoong admitted.

"It's hard to not notice when you're sitting in my vision with fingers tapping nonstop while I'm trying to focus in class. You were doing something like this today, weren't you?" Seohyun said and played the keys that had unintentionally been printed in her memory.

"Woah, I'm more surprised that you remembered it!" Hongjoong clapped in disbelief and then narrowed his eyes at her. "Do you... know how to play?"

"The piano? Not much. But I have a drum set at home," Seohyun said and she saw as the boys looked at each other, applauding her.

"What?" Seohyun asked.

"We knew there was something about you," Wooyoung went on dramatically, waving his hands as he said "who knew we had a shared passion for music?"

"I wouldn't call it 'passion' per se, it's more of a... hobby. A stress-reliever, if you will. And stop ogling at me like you guys won a jackpot. I know what's going through your heads, and I say no."

"But you can play!" Mingi wailed, "We need more people to play the instruments! These guys-" he pointed at the boys one by one, "-they never learn!"

"Hey, hey, hey, look who's saying! Didn't you want to learn drums? What happened to that?"

"I don't have a drum-set!"

"I can play too!" Jongho and Yeosang complained.

Seohyun watched as the boys started arguing among themselves, and she shook her head. She had never imagined they like making music this much. If she had known, she might not have told them about her drums, much less her room full of instruments at a time like this.

"If you don't shut up, I'll never bring any instrument here."

"You mean you will if we shut up?" San asked, followed by Seonghwa who said, "You have more than one instrument?"

Seohyun sighed. "This is overwhelming, okay? Like I respect what you do, but I'm still new to being friends with you all, and it would take me some time to open up to you guys about the instruments. It's just... I have some memories- I don't really want to go back there."

"Oh..." San raised his brow and she bit her lip. She hadn't lied. She had some memories attached to those instruments that she would rather forget. It had been about two years since she'd played. She wanted to shut out that part of herself. She wanted to throw those instruments, but she hadn't been able to.

"Can you just... tell me which instruments you have, other than the drums?" Hongjoong asked cautiously.

Seohyun rolled her eyes. "Drums, bass, electric-"

"WOW!" Wooyoung gasped out very loud.

"-and violin. And I can play piano and guitar too. But it's been like two years since I last played so I'm probably very rough now..."

"Is one of your parent a musician or what?" Yunho asked.

"No, the drums were my mom's. The rest, I bought them when I was going through a phase."

"A phase. Wow," Yeosang snickered, earning daggers from Seohyun.

"Alright, we won't pressure you or anything. But you're free to play the piano if you want to," Yunho suggested, "and you're free to do whatever you want."

"Thanks for understanding," Seohyun muttered, smiling at him.

"But I wanted to learn the drums..." Mingi wailed.

"Who knows? Maybe I'll be the one to teach you," Seohyun said nonchalantly, making him smile his famous gummy smile.

"So anyways, what's with those mirrors?" Seohyun asked.

"Oh, that? We like to dance too," Jongho said.

"Oh my god. You guys should stop watching all those idol videos..."

"But we're good at it!" Wooyoung laughed, "And anyways, even if we don't go down that route, we love doing it anyway. It's our way of releasing stress."

"Sure," Seohyun nodded.

"Don't tell me you can dance too," Seonghwa narrowed his eyes at her.

"Oh no. I don't think I can," Seohyun admitted. Unless you could count those random 3 am sad twerks as dancing. The boys watched as she suspiciously tried to avoid their gaze, looking around.

"So now that we've told you so much about ourselves, how about you tell us something that we don't know?" Jongho suggested.

"I don't know what's there to tell," Seohyun said, her eyes unintentionally falling on San who lightly shook his head.

"Anything. Something. It's just that we'd like to know you more," Seonghwa smiled warmly at her.

"How about you just ask me and I'll answer? Because it feels like I'll never be able to start myself..."

"Or how about," Yeosang started, a devilish smile spreading across his face, "we play truth or dare?"

"Oh no..."

----------------

Yeosang made everyone sit in a circle, and though very reluctant at first, Seohyun had to sit down too (after being dragged by Wooyoung). They discussed the rules; they could choose between truth or dare, and if a person didn't want to answer a question they should just say so instead of lying, which would earn them a penalty.

Hongjoong spun the bottle, and Seohyun prayed it would never land on her. At least not today. She wasn't feeling it. She still thought that the eight of them were well knit as they were, they didn't need her between them.

The bottle landed on Yunho, and he laughed nervously. Jongho asked truth or dare, and he replied with dare. Not fair, Seohyun thought. She wasn't sure she would ever choose dare. She had no idea what sort of dares they were gonna give.

"Alright, show us your golden retriever! You haven't done that in a long time!"

"Golden retriever?" Seohyun asked. She had heard them talk about it once or twice, but she had no idea what it was about.

"Ah, I'm getting nervous~" Yunho laughed awkwardly. She supposed it was because he was gonna do it in front of her for the first time.

"Come on, don't be shy," Wooyoung teased and he nodded, taking in a deep breath. He turned his head back, then looked forward, his eyes a bit wide as he made a paw out of his hand and flicked it, barking in the cutest way possible.

Seohyun was silent for a moment before she burst out laughing. She was howling at this point, making the rest of them laugh too.

"At least I made her laugh!" Yunho said proudly.

Seohyun wiped tears from the corner of her eyes. "That was hilarious. You really do look like a puppy, Yunho."

"Thanks?" Yunho said and laughed.

"Alright, next!" Jongho said, spinning the bottle, and to Seohyun's relief, it stopped at Hongjoong who was right next to her. He wailed.

"I choose... dare."

"You all are gonna end up choosing dare. I'll be the only one choosing truth it seems," Seohyun groaned.

"You know what to do," Yeosang said, locking eyes with Wooyoung who nodded. "Michael Jackson impression."

"NO! I CHOOSE TRUTH!"

"It's too late to turn back now!" San said.

"It's embarrassing enough to do it even in front of one of you, and now there's EIGHT of you. Alright. Here goes nothing." Hongjoong got up and straightened his clothes. He took a few steps back so everyone could see. He made the famous pose and sang Billie Jeans, attempting to mimic Michel Jackson's style. It would have been okay if everyone hadn't burst out laughing, making Seohyun laugh a little too.

"How did you even come up with this?" Seohyun asked in disbelief.

"I don't even remember now..." Hongjoong pouted. He spun the bottle, and it landed on Wooyoung.

"Truth," he smiled rather proudly, folding his arms.

"Who do you love more, Hongjoong or Seonghwa?" Yeosang asked. The rest of them laughed as Wooyoung's eyes went wide in panic.

"That's like you're asking if I like mom or dad more! Isn't this unfair?"

"Who did you like more though?" Jongho asked.

"Mom-"

"You like Seonghwa more. Alright, next!" Hongjoong concluded, leaving Wooyoung attempting to explain that it was not like that anymore and he liked both of them equally, but everyone was ignoring him. Seohyun thought it must be an inside joke too.

"Your turn," San smirked at her. Seohyun, who had been distracted and hadn't seen the bottle spin, eyed them suspiciously.

"I move my eyes off the bottle for a second and it lands on me. Are you sure you didn't cheat?"

"We did NO SUCH THING," Wooyoung huffed.

Seohyun locked eyes with each of them. "Fine. Truth."

She watched as the boys looked at each other, suggesting questions while Seohyun tried to calm the rumbling storm of nervousness in her stomach. Should she have gone with dare?

"Can we ask... anything?" Mingi looked at her and Seohyun shrugged.

"I mean, we're friends now, right? So go ahead. If I think it's too personal, I'll say so." Seohyun nodded and the boys looked at each other before finally turning to her.

"What's the real reason you don't have friends?"

Seohyun's eyes unintentionally went to San's, and the boys noticed, looking between the two of them. San shrugged, as if saying 'I tried.'

"Does... San know something?" Seonghwa asked cautiously.

"You don't have to answer, you know that right?" Yeosang added.

Seohyun sighed deeply, nodding. She looked at San again, who nodded back, pointing behind her and mouthing Jiwoo. Seohyun sighed in relief now. She might as well give it a try.

"Since you guys shared something today, I will too. But it's kind of... weird. Unbelievable. You might think I'm lying. You might think worse things. Whatever you think, do tell me, because I can prove it."

"Don't tell me you're some sort of a secret agent," Yeosang said, earning a slap from Hongjoong who shushed him.

"Alright, we'll hear you out," he said.

"I... can see ghosts. The dead."

There was a moment of silence before Jongho raised his eyebrow. "What? You mind saying that again?"

"I said I can see the dead. I can see ghosts. I can touch them. I help them move on."

While the boys exchanged looks, still in disbelief, San smiled at her and Seohyun nervously laughed. She had finally said it out loud.

"So you can... see ghosts? Like in the movies?" Mingi asked.

"Yep. They're just like us. Unless they're old."

"How do we believe you? I mean, you could be joking," Yunho asked.

"Well, San knows," Seohyun said, and everyone looked at San, who nodded, then looked back at her.

"How does he know?" Wooyoung asked.

"Long story. He got caught up in something, which led him to discover my secret and eventually led him to seeing ghosts too."

"You both are mad." Wooyoung laughed nervously.

"You want proof?" Seohyun challenged.

"Sure. I can do with that," Wooyoung folded his arms, anticipating.

"Alright folks, you're in for a surprise," Seohyun heard Jiwoo say. Jiwoo rubbed her hands and went near Seohyun, picking her hair and making it look like it was flying in the air.

The boys... shouted.

"MEDUSA!" She heard someone shout amidst them. San tried to calm them down but it was no use. They all were... freaking out, to put it simply. Half of them were gasping while the other half was laughing in disbelief.

Jiwoo dropped her hair down and they watched as she pulled the sunglasses off her shirt and the glasses magically disappeared.

"Where did the glasses go?" Wooyoung asked.

"Ji- the ghost. Her name is Jiwoo. She's a friend of mine. So when she takes something of mine, it would disappear once I'm not holding it anymore. But-" Jiwoo handed her the glasses back and they watched it appear out of thin air, "when she gives them back, here they are."

"Is this... magic or really a ghost?" Jongho asked.

"It's a ghost, believe me," San finally said.

"So you can see ghosts now too? How?"

"Let me explain," Seohyun said, and narrated the events, giving a little backstory about how she was born with this, and that she actually helped ghosts move on.

"That's kind of cool though," Yunho commented.

"Wouldn't call it cool," Seohyun muttered and Seonghwa noticed.

"It must not be easy to live like this..." he said, and she hesitantly nodded.

"Is that why you changed schools so often?" Hongjoong asked and she nodded. The boys looked at each other, trying to figure out what to say.

"Well, you won't have to worry about that again," Yeosang said, "We'll help you. You won't have to move again if something happens."

"It's not that easy, Yeosang. If something unexplainable happens, I won't be able to hide it."

"Oh don't worry about that," Mingi laughed, "unexplainable things always happen to me. We'll cover for you, trust me."

Seohyun was, for the first time, touched by how earnest they sounded. They really were a weird group of friends.

"I'm kind of jealous that San can see ghosts now too," Hongjoong sulked. "Can't we see too?"

Before Seohyun could answer, everyone else burst into complains too about how they wanted to see too. "Hey hey," Seohyun began, "first of all, it's too risky. I almost died and then San was able to see."

"WHAT!"

"You forgot to tell them that part," San muttered.

"Ah, right. So when I had to teleport San, we ended up in the other dimension, right? So I had to teleport again, and I had a massive nosebleed plus headache. I passed out too."

"Oh..."

"Even if it was easy, I would never do that to you. And I wish I could take it away from San. I wish it would fade," Seohyun said, and San looked at her, shocked. He had not expected this.

"It's not about it being cool, San," she locked eyes with him, "Being able to see ghosts mean you're attracting danger every second. Thank god you can't touch them. That means they're not able to touch you, not directly. I want you all to be safe, that's why I won't ever do that to the rest of you."

There was a moment of heavy silence, then Seonghwa broke the ice. "I understand. It's okay, you don't have to do that. We want you to be safe too, so if you're ever in some sort of danger, don't hesitate to ask for help."

"Thanks Seonghwa, I really appreciate it." Seohyun smiled.

"It's really unbelievable though. What does this ghost look like?" Wooyoung asked, eyes brimming with curiosity.

Seohyun grinned a little. "Well, she's a girl. Jiwoo. She's about my height, has long black hair with red streaks. Has a mole on her cheek. Also, she's weird-"

Jiwoo kicked Seohyun's back lightly, but she just continued. "She died in a car accident. A ghost with amnesia. Unbelievable is the right word, Wooyoung."

"Woah. She sounds familiar though..." Wooyoung looked towards Hongjoong who shook his head. Seohyun noticed but didn't comment on it.

"So you're waiting for her to remember so she can move on?" Hongjoong asked.

"Yeah. She's been sticking with me for months now, and I got used to her."

"Ah... that's understandable," Hongjoong looked at his wristwatch, "Anyways, we should go home now. it's late."

"I thought we were playing truth or dare. This turned into a horror show. How will I sleep at night!" Mingi wailed dramatically, making them laugh. Wooyoung called him 'scaredy cat' and San said, "Like you're one to say."

Seohyun smiled at Jiwoo. This had been an unexpected night, and she had never expected them to believe her and not make fun of her. She looked at the boys, bickering, and smiled at them.

She felt comfortable.

-----------------

The next few days at school had been... annoying, to put it simply.

The boys were very excited at the new discovery about their friend they had made. They simply couldn't contain themselves- save for San, and Seohyun found her patience wearing off day by day.

It wasn't that she was ungrateful for how things had turned out. She simply hadn't expected this sort of a behaviour. Secondly, she did not know how to deal with 7 excited boys who couldn't stop asking her the most stupid of questions.

She had to admit some of the questions did make sense. Like Yeosang asking if a ghost's touch and human's touch was any different. Seohyun shook her head as she thought of how the question had shook her.

"What do you mean?" Seohyun asked.

"Do you feel different when a ghost touches you? Like, Jiwoo. Does her touch feel different than a regular human's?"

Seohyun inhaled sharply as she was reminded of the time she had spent in her music room, laughing, with him, holding his hand, touching-

"I'm sorry, was it a wrong question?" Yeosang finally asked and Seohyun realized she had been staring at him too long.

"Uh, no. I'm sorry I zoned out. I suppose it is- it is a bit different. I don't know how to explain it. It's not... warm."

Seohyun shook her head as she waved off the memory. Another memory made its way....

"This friend of yours, Jiwoo," Hongjoong asked, "is she here right now?"

"She may not find the idea of dying twice appealing," Seohyun muttered.

"What?" Hongjoong furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Now why would a ghost attend school? Surely she doesn't wish to die of boredom. AGAIN."

Hongjoong laughed. "So she's not here? Do you know her full name?"

"Ahn Jiwoo, I think," Seohyun replied. She noticed Hongjoong's eyes gleam as his mind worked.

"How old do you think she is? And can you describe how she looks like?"

"Playing detective, are you?" Seohyun raised her brow.

"Just answer. I may have something."

"Well, she looks our age, maybe a year older, she has an average face, honestly I haven't noticed much. She does have red hair."

Hongjoong nodded slowly, and Seohyun asked when he was going to let her in.

"I'll just check something. If it's true, I'll tell you."

Seohyun shook her head again. She should really be focusing on class. But her mind went back to think of the stupid questions. Yunho had asked if 'ghosts could eat' and when she had replied no, he said he was just wondering if they did eat, did they excrete as well. And if so, was the ghost realm full of-

Shit, she thought as she heard Yunho giggling. "You keep shaking your head. What's wrong?"

"Believe it or not, I was actually thinking about you," Seohyun admitted.

"Oh?" Yunho turned a bit towards her, smirking. "And what scandalous thoughts made you shake your head so much?"

"How in the world could your brain wonder if the ghost realm was full of ghost shit?" Seohyun almost shouted, but clearly she hadn't been quite as well. She earned a warning glance from her teacher and sunk in her chair as Yunho shook with silent laughter.

After the class was over, Hongjoong made his way to Seohyun.

"Is Jiwoo here?" He asked.

"Again, no. Why are you so interested in her?" Seohyun folded her arms and Hongjoong snatched Seonghwa's seat from his spot, sitting near her and placing a book on her desk.

"This is last year's yearbook. We have some photos from an event, and I want you to tell me if you spot Jiwoo."

Seohyun raised her eyebrows. Jiwoo- she could have been a student here?

She supposed it was possible. San turned too, muttering how he can recognize her too, and they flipped the pages, checking each one carefully until finally San pointed at a person and looked at Seohyun, who had paled.

"That's... Jiwoo. How did you know, Hongjoong?"

"I guessed when you told me her name. San told me how she had died of an accident and had amnesia, and I could remember hearing something about a senior here who had died in a car crash. So I put 2 and 2 together and here we are."

"But, this doesn't help much, right? We only know that she was a student here. What's this got to do with how she died, and why she is still here?"

"There were rumours circulating her death," Hongjoong sat back, "Her father was a prisoner falsely accused of some crimes, and she was trying to get justice. I talked to some of my senior friends, who had been her classmates, and they told me that she had started receiving some threats."

"And they must have given all this information to the police too?"

"Yes," Hongjoong nodded, "Now you know her identity. You can talk to her friends, go to her home, and finally help her move on."

San felt his heart sink as he looked at Seohyun. They both were thinking the same thing. Seohyun had grown very attached to her and she did not want to do this. She gulped, and nodded slowly.

"Of course. I guess I should thank you..." As the words left Seohyun's mouth, Hongjoong heard something bitter in her tone.

"Did I do something wrong?" Hongjoong asked, and Seohyun didn't reply, only shook her head no, and San shushed Hongjoong, mouthing that he'd explain later. Seohyun got up abruptly, her bag falling off from the chair. But she didn't hear it. She couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.

"I need some air," she muttered and rushed out of the classroom, leaving the boys staring.

"Shit," San clicked his tongue, "You did the right thing, Hongjoong, but you have to understand. Jiwoo is her friend. A sister to her. If she moves on... I should go after her."

"Are you sure I did the right thing?" Hongjoong asked him as he gave him space to move. San nodded and went after Seohyun.

"It looks like there's more to the story than she lets on," Yeosang commented. Hongjoong only looked at the door. It did seem like it.

San ran around the 1st floor where their class was, then went downstairs, hoping she was somewhere here. After checking the empty rooms, he went outside, towards the lawn, and found a figure sitting near a tree, staring in the space. He narrowed his eyes, then spotted the cat wandering around her, and his shoulders sank in relief.

He wasn't sure if he was the right person to be there. Surely Seonghwa could comfort her better. Or Yunho. But he was the only one other than Seohyun who would miss Jiwoo. He could relate to her, somewhat. So he decided to sit down beside her.

As he did so, he realized she was shaking. San looked at her worried. "Seohyun? Are you alright?"

Seohyun couldn't breathe. She was having some sort of an attack, like the ones she had about two years ago. She heard San alright, but she was afraid if she spoke, she'd cry.

"Here, have some water," San uncapped the bottle and closed her hand around it, and she managed a sip then handed it back to San.

"This is about Jiwoo, right? She's your friend, and you don't want to let go of her. I understand, Seohyun."

Seohyun sighed, fisting her hands. It wasn't just about her. It was the flood of memories that had come crashing without a warning when she thought of Jiwoo disappearing.

San put his hand on hers, caressing it, hoping it would give her some sort of comfort. He looked at her. All her walls, her strong walls she put around her were breaking down. Her lips were parted and wobbling. She looked like she might cry any second.

"You want to talk about it?" he whispered, and she sighed, nodding, taking deep breaths. She wouldn't cry. Not right now.

"You know it. I have grown attached to Jiwoo. Hell, she practically lives with me. I shouldn't have allowed this in the first place. I knew she was going to move on someday, yet I grew emotionally attached to her. I'm so weak."

"You're strong because you helped her too. She had no memories. How do you think she would have felt if not for you? She couldn't even go to her family or friends. You became that for her."

"I know," Seohyun bit her lip. "It's not just that. It's... I- I had someone. Like her. He and I... We were close. And one day, he was gone-" She bit her lip again, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay. You had no one then, right? You have us now. You have more friends than you could have ever thought of. You're so brave, Seohyun," San said, putting an arm around her shoulder, rubbing her back as he smiled. "You're one of the strongest people I know. We're both going to miss Jiwoo, but we have to help her move on. You don't want her to stay here too long now, do you?

Seohyun shook her head. San smiled again as she looked at him, making her smile a bit too. "There. We'll send her off with a celebration, okay? No more sadness. Okay?"

"Okay," Seohyun smiled. She could do that.

"Let's get back to class," San said, getting up first then helping her up. She dusted off her clothes and they walked in comfortable silence back, though San had to admit he felt weird. His heart... wasn't acting right.

Hongjoong casted a cautious glance at Seohyun as she entered, but she passed a little smile as she settled. Yeosang looked curiously at her, and she made a face.

"Is something bothering you?" Yeosang finally asked. He watched as Seohyun sighed. Sometimes it felt to him like she was carrying the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. Like she would bend under the pressure.

But she was strong too. She passed a little smile and said, "Yes. I'll talk about it later."

Yeosang just nodded, watching her curiously as she stared at her notebook. And then she sat back in her seat, staring at San.

---------------

"You're telling me that I was a student here? That this is a big, big 'coincidence' that you had to transfer, of all the schools in the city, right here?"

"For the hundredth time, Jiwoo, yes. I know you think I transferred here on purpose, that I somehow found about your life and didn't tell you, but believe me, this is a big, big coincidence." Seohyun replied, looking at San for help.

San shrugged, saying, "The way you're always hanging around Seohyun, when do you think she even had the time to plot this?"

Seohyun clapped her hand, smiling approvingly at San. "See? I told you he isn't that dumb. That is a great point, San." She watched as San shook his head, the faintest trace of smile on his lips.

The three of them- with the cat, of course, had this meeting in the same park that Seohyun and San had once teleported in. It had took a few days for Seohyun to finally settle with the fact that yes, Jiwoo was going to move on. But it won't be like before.

Seohyun found herself thinking of that time. The piano. His slender fingers gracefully playing music. His hands guiding hers across the keys. His contagious laugh. His deep eyes, covered by dark tendrils of hair-

"Earth to Seohyun?" Jiwoo was clapping in front of Seohyun now and she blinked. She cast a quick glance at San, who was watching her more confused than curious.

"Yeah. I'm back. What are you planning?"

"I suggested we show her the photo. She might recognize some people from the photo." San said.

"Also, I walked around the school building a few times, and it did feel familiar. I thought it was just because it was a school and schools are, you know, pretty much built the same. But I would have the strongest of headaches when I walked there," Jiwoo admitted.

"A ghost having headaches? Here's something to tell Yunho," Seohyun thought out aloud, "Though one might think that death would relieve you of all worldly headaches..."

"It's probably because of my amnesia. But yeah, San's right. I'll have a look at the photo. I'll come to school tomorrow."

----------

"Wow, that's me," Jiwoo gasped.

"Of course it's you," Seohyun muttered. Jiwoo ignored her and continued to stare at her picture. Seohyun cast a look at the boys. They were watching the book flip pages on its own, their mouths slightly open in surprise.

"She can hear us, right?" Wooyoung asked Seohyun, who wanted to make fun of Wooyoung but wasn't quite in the mood. She was more busy thinking if Jiwoo would indeed remember something.

"Come closer, Jongho. We're still in class, no one should see the book moving on its own," Mingi motioned with his hand.

"No one is looking unless you start acting weird," Yeosang commented.

"I'm having the worst headache right now. Is this normal?" Jiwoo asked.

"You're a ghost, unnie. Nothing's normal about you."

Jiwoo tsk-ed at her and then looked at Hongjoong. "He should know something about where exactly I died. If it was an accident, I might be able to remember something."

"Not sure if that would work," Seohyun's mood was very gloomy. San shook his head at her, and she sighed before asking Hongjoong if he knew something about where she had died.

Hongjoong, to Seohyun's dismay, said he'd find out in a minute. It looked like he texted one of his friends, and while they were waiting for an answer, San told the boys what was happening just so they would stop asking after each second.

Seohyun caught Hongjoong glancing at her, as if trying to convey a message. Seohyun understood and casually checked her phone, indeed finding a text from Hongjoong, which read:

There's a possibility that her death might not have been an accident

Seohyun frowned. Was she murdered? Or did she commit suicide? She felt as if it would hurt Jiwoo no matter the answer.

What do you mean?

Hongjoong replied:

I'll tell you later.

With that, Hongjoong told Seohyun out loud that his friend would have to ask around for the address, and that settled it. Jiwoo announced that she was gonna roam around the school again, and maybe that would make her remember something too. She asked San to remind Hongjoong to find out her home address too. That would certainly spark a bulb, if nothing else.

As soon as Jiwoo walked out of their classroom, Hongjoong brought everyone closer. "My friend gave me the address. It's near a restaurant here."

"Why didn't you tell Jiwoo?" San asked.

"When Jiwoo passed away, her friends were told that it was an accident. But according to my sources, they say she was out with some of her friends. They had somehow gotten in an argument, causing her to flee and accidentally crash with a car."

"So it is an accident, right?" Seonghwa asked.

"That's the thing. Some people say that one of them pushed her in front of the traffic, and that they are all covering it up. We have got to find out what happened. Before we tell Jiwoo."

Seohyun pursed her lips. This is not how she thought it would have turned out. Sure, most of the ghosts she dealt with had usually been murdered. But that didn't make hearing any of this easier.

"Alright, we will find out. We need to distract Jiwoo. San, you'll help me out, right?"

"Of course," San said, sitting straighter. Seohyun laid out their plan; they were gonna divide into two. San, Wooyoung, Yeosang and Jongho would lead Jiwoo to a false address, somewhere far from where the rest of them were going to go and actually investigate what really happened. If she had died in a car crash, however that happened, the people around would remember and would be able to recall the incident.

After school, they told Jiwoo that she would go with San to check if that was the right place, since Hongjoong's source could be 'unreliable'. Meanwhile the rest of them were going to find out her home address by asking around. Jiwoo didn't suspect them thankfully, and gladly went along with them.

"I have the home address too," Hongjoong said, "It's on the way to the restaurant. We should pass by there too."

"Yeah," Seohyun muttered. "Do you think I should talk to her family too?"

"I think you should, but after we visit the restaurant. That would certainly give us more information. because all you have now is nothing about the real Jiwoo."

"Point." Seohyun thought it was kind of ironic. She knew nothing about how Jiwoo would have been when alive. The thought of it made her heart twist with pain.

As they walked to the site, Seohyun was so lost in thought that she didn't see the rest of them exchange nervous glances. They all realized that Jiwoo had been her only friend for a good while. And they could definitely see how difficult it was for Seohyun to let her go.

"Can I ask you something?" Seonghwa finally said.

"Whenever someone asks me if they can ask me something, it's usually going to be something about my personal life. Go ahead, shoot."

Seonghwa shook his head. "How many ghosts friends did you have to let go of?"

Seohyun stopped in her tracks. It took her a second before she started walking again. "That is a very good question, Seonghwa."

Mingi and Yunho exchanged looks. They knew she always made remarks like these when trying to avoid something. "Jiwoo has been your friend for a few months. It must be hard for you."

"It is, actually," Seohyun admitted. "And most of my friends, sadly, have been ghosts. They're a better company. I sharpen my dark humor on them. I make a lot of dead jokes, if you haven't noticed that already."

"I did," Mingi raised his hand, smiling sheepishly. "Knowing you can actually see ghosts makes them more funnier."

"I know," Seohyun smiled back.

They finally reached the restaurant. It was a traditional one, with tables set outside as well as inside. Potted plants made for most of the décor, a stark contrast to the mauve and white theme, and the scent of spices filled the air.

Seohyun's eyes traced what could have been a possible path; Jiwoo walking out of the door, a car speeding forward-

"How do you suppose we're gonna find some information? We can't just go and ask them to show us the CCTV footage or something," Yunho said, looking pointedly at the camera.

"We won't have to," Hongjoong said, "We just have to make up a good story. Come on, we're eating something from here."

"Really, Hongjoong? Do you think we have the time?" Seohyun asked.

"Trust me. Come on," Hongjoong said, not waiting for them and walking inside. They seated themselves in the corner, and a waiter came to take their order. After ordering some barbeque, Hongjoong told them that he was going to ask for water while they would be in the middle of eating, and they would start talking about the incident. When the waiter comes, he would hear them talk about it, and provide his comments on the topic without asking.

"If I was the waiter, I'd kick you out," Seohyun said, sitting back and folding her arms, making the rest of them snicker.

"This works every time," Hongjoong said, his eyes glinting with challenge, as he mirrored Seohyun's pose.

"And what if he doesn't talk?" Seohyun asked.

"In that case, I have a backup plan. I don't come unprepared." Hongjoong said, and Seohyun rolled her eyes, looking at Yunho who was sitting beside her.

"Is he always this confident about himself?" She asked.

"When he's sure, yes," Yunho nodded.

"Don't tell me he's a secret investigator or detective or something," Seohyun muttered.

"I could make some similar assumptions about you," Hongjoong muttered back.

"Shut up, blueberry."

"You should, you old-"

"Just because I have grey hair doesn't mean I'm old-"

"Stop it, you both," Seonghwa laughed. Hongjoong pouted. "But do you dye your hair?"

"Yeah. Some years ago I went blonde. Now I prefer the more... dead tones, if you will," Seohyun said, and Mingi grinned. "How's the drum learning going, Mingi?"

"Ah," Mingi sighed, "I still make do with boxes and plates. I think I could do a good freestyle if I had an actual drum set."

"I used to air drum all the time. You should drum along to some songs you like. Really helps."

"I'll try that," he smiled.

"When do you think you're showing us your music room?" Hongjoong asked.

"Not anytime soon," Seohyun said. Before Hongjoong could ask something, they saw the waiter come with their food. Hongjoong muttered ''play along' and started speaking.

"I've been wanting to try this place for a while now. But I heard there was some sort of accident here, so I couldn't come." Hongjoong widened his eyes in signal and Yunho began, "Oh I've tried, and I'll tell you, it's really good."

The waiter set their food, and Seohyun watched Hongjoong and Yunho go on about the restaurant, slightly amused. As soon as the waiter went, Hongjoong frowned at them.

"The three of you could have said something."

"This seemed more natural," Seohyun said. "Two guys raving about food. Nothing suspicious about that."

After a few bites of the amazingly juicy barbeque beef, Mingi asked for water. Hongjoong cleared his throat.

"I heard a girl died somewhere around here. They're saying it could be murder. People these days!"

"I'll tell you, sir," the waiter, a middle aged man with wrinkles around his eyes began, surprising Seohyun, "it was an accident. A bunch of students. The usual crowd. Had an argument and the girl went out in a rush- nobody followed. A few seconds later, we heard a horrible sound and screams. The people out there witnessed it."

"But why would people say she was pushed?" Seonghwa asked.

"People make all sorts of stories, girl," the man said, shaking his head in disapproval. "I was inside. I know none of the friends went after her. The crowd outside was too absorbed with their food. Nobody saw anything until the crash happened."

"Ah.. I see. So I guess since this was an accident, the matter cleared up quickly? With the police and all?"

"Of course," the man said, "they saw the footage. Nobody pushed her. A pity that people had to spread rumors like that. Didn't help us. Nobody came here for days."

"I'm sorry that happened," Yunho said, and Seohyun felt that he actually meant it. "I hope more people are coming here now, for the food."

"Oh we're getting back now. Enjoy," the man smiled at them and went away. They all looked at each other.

"So it's an accident. But this doesn't make sense," Seohyun said, "if she died because of her own mistake, why is she still hanging around?"

"Unfinished business?" Mingi suggested.

"Usually happens when someone is killed, but yeah. She must have made it to the hospital and lost her memories during treatment. That must mean she's holding a grudge, or actually has something so important to do that despite her memories being lost, somehow she stuck to this world."

"That makes sense," Yunho said.

They finished the food lost in thoughts, and decided that is that was the case, it was wiser to not talk to her family. She could be holding a grudge against them too.

Though they now knew how Jiwoo had died, and they were one step closer to sorting this all out, Seohyun felt dread creeping upon her.

-------------

"I can't believe you sent me to the wrong address!" Jiwoo exclaimed.

"It wasn't on purpose! Hongjoong's friend confused you with someone else. It seems like he deals with this kind of stuff often," Seohyun was nodding her head along, as if that could convince Jiwoo. "And anyway, at least it wasn't all a waste. We're going to the place where you died, are you sure you're ready?"

"Born ready," Jiwoo said, pumping her fist in the air.

"Born ready but-"

"Don't, Seohyun, just don't" San cut her off, shaking his head. Jiwoo laughed. Seohyun pouted but stopped.

The three of them were going to the place where Jiwoo had her accident. It was only yesterday that Seohyun had come with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho and Mingi, and had falsely led Jiwoo to someplace else with the rest of the boys. Now, upon constant insistence of Jiwoo, the two of them decided they'd better take her.

It wasn't because Jiwoo threatened to summon a bunch of revengeful ghosts. Nope. It certainly hadn't been that.

"We're close now," San said, pointing ahead, "It's right across the road. You should start looking on your own now. Without distractions."

"Don't look at me, San," Seohyun muttered.

"You're right. You both can... wait for me here. I'll see if it rocks a memory," Jiwoo said, and went ahead, leaving the two of them watching her go.

"Do you think we should be there for her?" Seohyun finally asked, "The memories might be painful."

"I think she should just walk down memory lane. We'd only distract her. Going on her own is sure to bring back some memories."

"I still wonder what made her stay," Seohyun said, and San looked at her. It was one of those moments when she was not wearing a filter. San felt like he was intruding- it was rare to see her so... present. There.

"Have you dealt with many murder cases? Or suicide ones?" San finally asked.

"You think it's one of the two?" She asked.

"I think it could be something simple. I know if I died today, the only reason I'd hang here would be to say a final goodbye. That is, if I die suddenly."

"Believe it or not, those are the hardest," Seohyun turned towards San, "With other cases, it's usually finding justice, or personal satisfaction. But goodbyes are difficult. I wouldn't want that for anyone. It's harder for those who are living."

San narrowed his eyes at her for the briefest moment. It felt like sometimes she meant more with what she spoke. Like there was a backstory he did not know.

"It looks like you've had some experience with that," San asked cautiously. Seohyun bit her lip and he saw the slightest of tremble in her hand before she closed them in a fist. She was suddenly reminded of San's hand on hers comforting her.

"You're right, actually," Seohyun finally said, surprising San, "I'll tell you. I need to move on too."

"You don't have to," San assured, but she shook her head.

"His name was Joon Hyuk. It was two years ago. He and I used to go to the same music academy. We were only friends then, not close, until he passed away suddenly. He had a heart problem."

"I'm sorry to hear that," San said. He truly was. He couldn't imagine how he'd cope if one of his friends met the same fate.

"I was shook, but that wasn't the end of the story. He was hanging on because he wanted to say goodbye to his family. It took him a few days, and I helped him come to terms with his death. That's when we grew close. I used to be home alone, and we'd just sit in the music room and talk all night. He told me all about his life. I told him about mine. He taught me to play the piano." Seohyun shivered a bit but continued. "He said his goodbye, but he still didn't move on."

"Does that usually happen?" San asked.

"No. It was because he found something to stay for. Me."

The breeze made San shiver too as it settled in. His heart twisted with emotions he couldn't recognize. He wanted to comfort Seohyun somehow, but he stood frozen.

"Ironic, isn't it? He found something to live for when he had already died." Seohyun's lips quivered. She stared at the light bulb near her, hoping it would force back her incoming tears. This wasn't the time to cry. She looked at San and smiled, "I knew it was wrong. But I was so alone. I craved friendship. I craved love. And I got it for a while. It was short. He started to change. You remember the old man?"

San nodded. The man because of whom he could now see ghosts too.

"It's like the process sped up. He started to become bitter. It would come and go. When he was sane, I finally told him to move on before he became- that, before I had to force myself to send him away. And he did. Without a goodbye this time. I guess that was the only way he could manage it."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Seohyun. I-"

San wanted to say so much but they heard a scream which was unmistakably Jiwoo's, and with a look at each other, they rushed to the source of the sound. They found Jiwoo clutching at her head, down on the ground

Seohyun rushed to her, sitting down and hugging her, muttering comforting stuff that San couldn't make out. He just stood and provided cover, hoping no one would notice Seohyun hugging the air.

It took a few seconds for Jiwoo to calm down, and when she did, she sighed loudly, looking at the sun.

"It's coming back," she announced. "I remember how I died. My own fault. How dumb is that?" She laughed.

"Glad to see you're back in your spirits," San scoffed.

"You, boy, have been making unintentional puns," Jiwoo scoffed back, making Seohyun grin.

"So how much do you remember?"

"It's coming back. You guys should go your own way. I'll just wait for it to come back. I think I know where to go too. I remember my home. I think- I think I know why I'm here too."

Seohyun and San shared a look. "You wanna tell us?"

"I gotta check something first," Jiwoo said, getting up and helping Seohyun up too. "Off you go."

"Weirdo," Seohyun muttered and Jiwoo just waved at her before she started walking. Seohyun was resting her hands on her hips, tapping her jeans, watching her go with a frown.

"IF YOU MOVE ON WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE I'LL HUNT YOU EVEN IN THE AFTERLIFE OR WHEREVER IS IT THAT YOU GHOSTS GO!" Seohyun shouted at Jiwoo, startling San and the couple walking past.

"YOU BETTER HOLD A FREAKING FAREWELL PARTY THEN!" Jiwoo shouted back. Before Seohyun could retort, San took her by the arm and dragged her in the opposite direction, laughing and telling her she should stop before the whole neighbourhood comes out.

"I'll walk you home," San said. He wasn't sure if now was the time to leave Seohyun alone.

"If you insist," Seohyun said, and they walked in silence. San wanted to say something about how she had been wise to send Joon Hyuk off, something to comfort her, but he couldn't find the words. He was sure Seohyun would be too busy thinking about Jiwoo. He decided he'd walk in silence and let her sort her thoughts.

When they finally reached her home, Seohyun looked at San. "You wanna stop for some coffee? Maybe a snack?"

"Oh no, don't bother," San waved her off.

"I have chocolate chip cookies," Seohyun wiggled her eyebrows.

"That's not fair. Lead the way," he said, and Seohyun smiled in victory, letting him in.

Though the house looked plain from the outside, it wasn't such inside. It was well decorated, the brown and white reflecting the walls and the floor, and had an overall homey feel. Plus, it was quite spacious. No wonder she had a music room here.

San sat on the table in the kitchen, looking around while Seohyun made two cups of coffee. The refrigerator had fruit magnets with various lists sticking. Grocery, things to do. Doodles. San smiled. It really did look like Seohyun lived here. His eyes fell on her figure as she rocked back and forth, mixing the coffee. Her hair created quite a contrast with her navy blue shirt. The soft grey hair looked fluffy.

Seohyun turned around, catching San staring at her, and he shifted in his seat as Seohyun set the two cups and the cookies. San took one and bit into it.

"Oomph, that's delicious."

"Thank you. I made them."

"No way!" San was genuinely surprised. "I didn't know you liked baking."

"I like making food," Seohyun admitted, sipping the coffee.

"That sounds so mundane now," San laughed.

"What do you think I did at home? Made talismans?" Seohyun scoffed and San almost choked on his coffee.

"You surprise me everyday, Seohyun. We must look quite boring to you," San said.

"Well," Seohyun munched on the cookie, "You aren't boring. None of you are, actually. Why don't you tell me something I don't know about you then?"

"Well," San imitated Seohyun now, "I collect plushies. And I know taekwondo."

"That's... interesting. Taekwondo and plushies. Wow," Seohyun laughed. "Poor Shiber, I guess."

"HEY!" San frowned. "Your turn."

"I didn't realize we were taking turns?" Seohyun raised her brow but thought about it. "My favourite colour is blue."

"Mine's purple," San said. "I hate vegetables."

"Hard not to notice," Seohyun commented, biting into the cookie and thinking. "I want to be a musician."

"Cool. You can compose for us," San smiled and Seohyun smiled back mockingly.

A thought struck her. "Wanna see the music room?"

San raised his brows. "Can I?"

"If you want to?" Seohyun shrugged. "It's okay. That room needs air anyway."

"Alright then," San finished his coffee. Seohyun got up, her heart thumping. She was right. It was about time she opened that room for someone else. About time she let go too.

"Here we are," she said and fished out keys from her pocket (San thought she must carry them everywhere) and opened the room, turning on the light

It was gorgeous, San thought. A piano in the corner, a drum set in the other, couches as they entered, three different guitars hanging by the wall, a violin case resting on the table. The dim white lights made everything seem a bit eerie, but it smelled like roses, and indeed San noticed a scented candle on the table. It felt like a room full of memories.

"I do come in every now and then, but I don't really play anymore." Seohyun looked around.

"Can I see them?" San asked, and Seohyun nodded.

Seohyun watched as San examined the guitars then walked to the piano, running his fingers on the keys and making some sounds, then off to the drum set.

"I'd pay to see you play," he grinned.

"Oh you won't have to. I'll do that for free one day," Seohyun smiled.

"So you don't play anything anymore?"

"Just the violin sometimes. Or drums when I'm angry."

"Can I hear the violin?" San asked and Seohyun looked at him.

"Pretty please?" He made puppy eyes and Seohyun scoffed. "Now how do I reject that?"

Seohyun opened the violin case, saying something about how it's gonna be short. While she tested the strings and the bow, San sat on the piano stool nearby. Seohyun flipped her hair back and inhaled.

And then she played a tune so melodic, a tune so haunting that San wasn't sure if seconds had passed or minutes. He only saw her face, etched with the most emotions he'd seen on a single person. It was as if she was telling him a secret, baring her soul to him, and he just couldn't decipher it.

When she did stop, San felt short of breath. He just stared at her in awe and she came closer, already having put the violin back. "How was it?"

"That was... breathtakingly beautiful. You were amazing," San said and immediately felt like he should have said something more.

But she seemed to understand. "Thank you," she said. She was leaning against the piano. San got up and came closer.

"Thank you, Seohyun," he said, touching the tendrils of hair that fell on her shoulder, "For everything."

"I- I've done nothing," she almost whispered. San locked eyes with her, still playing with her hair, now his thumb caressing the soft skin of her cheek.

Seohyun stared back at the dark orbs, his gaze so sharp that a part of her wanted to run away but the other part wanted to never look away. San blinked once, then slowly, painfully slowly brought his face closer and kissed her cheek lightly, leaving her out of breath.

Thank you for playing for me," San said, "I'll never forget it."

And then he drew back, and Seohyun came out of the trance.

"If you sugar coat it so much I'll never bring you here again," Seohyun was smiling.

"Nah. Now I'll wait for the day you're angry," San winked, pointing at the drums. "I should give pointers to Mingi."

"HEY!"

prev - next

[remuswriting]

hello !! can i request some hcs or one-shot for kageyama (or any character you want ) with a foreigner (canadian maybe ? i'm from canada !) bf ? i love your work, thank youuu !!!! •//v//•

Summary: Transfer student L/N Y/N meets Karasuno volleyball team through tutoring and Yachi

Pairing: N/A

Format: Heacanons

Warnings: None

Notes: I decided to do just Karasuno in general because I was struggling slightly with this (I have no idea why I struggled so much).  I’m not the proudest of this but I hope you like it.  Also, the language thing may not apply to everyone because I’m going based off my own experiences with learning Spanish and being around those who either don’t know English or know very little.

*****

You had just moved to Japan and even though you had been studying Japanese since your parents said you guys were having to move there; you struggled to talk to people.

The teachers were nice to you about it, understood how Japanese was one of the hardest languages for native English speakers to learn, and tried to find you a tutor.

Yachi appeared in your life like a ray of sunshine because she was one of the few at Karasuno that was pretty good with English, but she was so shy and anxious that it was hard to talk to her at first.

She’s tutoring you every other day and then she becomes the manager for the volleyball club and switched to only studying on the weekends.

That’s when you meet Kageyama and Hinata, who are struggling in English and Japanese kind of like you are (except you’re really good in English).

You join the study group easily, you and Hinata help each other with Japanese and English while Kageyama is writing down the answers you’re giving them.

When the study session is over, Yachi makes the comment that you didn’t stop to ask what someone had said once, which meant you were getting better with Japanese.

“Of course, I am.  I have the best tutor ever,” you said as he ruffled her hair and she gets all flustered at the contact.

Then she says she may not be able to tutor you anymore because of becoming the team manager and you start begging because she was the only first year that understood English good enough to talk to you.

“You could always convince Kageyama and Hinata to study with you, even though they may struggle to talk with you sometimes.”

It’s an idea that you don’t explore until you start really struggling with your summer homework.

You call Yachi, desperate for help and you can hear her sigh on the other line before she agrees.

Kageyama and Hinata are there too and they are telling you how smart you are because you’re so good at English.

“I was born in Canada.  English is my first language.”

The look on their faces and Hinata is then amazed at your Japanese while Kageyama just stares at you in awe.

“What’s volleyball like in English?” Kageyama asked and you laugh a little.

“I’ve actually never actually seen a volleyball match and only girls played it at my school,” you said and both Hinata and Kageyama just can’t believe it.

Instead of studying, you’re being bombarded with reasons why you should either watch a game or join the team.  Yachi is trying to calm them down.

“Hey, he could be busy!  Stop harassing him!” Yachi exclaims and is throwing her hands around all over the place.

“Don’t worry, Yachi.  It’s kind of adorable,” you said and neither of the freak duo understood what you just said because it was in English (which was on purpose).

One day after studying, Kageyama asks to speak to you and you are kind of excited but not because your Japanese isn’t the best outside of study sessions.

You blame your parents for only speaking English at home for the reason of struggling with Japanese when at school and attempting to make friends.

“L/N-san, you should come to one our practices,” Kageyama said and you just stare at him because it was unexpected.

“I can try, I just know nothing about volleyball.”

“I will teach you everything you need to know about volleyball,” Kageyama said and you just nod because you’re pretty sure it doesn’t matter if you said yes or no at this point.

You go to one of their practices after they get to move on to the November tournament and it’s kind of stressful in a way.  You’re impressed though.

You somehow get roped into going to practices nearly everyday with the promise of tutoring afterwards.

“Do you remember what that was called?” Kageyama asked and you just nod even though you kind of can but can’t say it aloud.

It’s like all those moments when you know what you want to say but you just can’t verbalize it.  This time it’s literally just the word ‘receive’

“Kageyama, stop harassing Y/N and get back to practicing,” Sugawara said and of course, Tobio listens.

You’re about to go over to Yachi when Suga stops you and you just look at him kind of scared and confused.

“I’m sorry about Kageyama.  You don’t have to come to practices for him though, no one will be upset.”

You would definitely stop going if you weren’t learning more slang Japanese from Tanaka and Noya or having Tsukishima correct you in a way kinder than you expected.

“It’s actually pretty cool watching you guys play,” you said with a smile and Suga chuckled before he walked off.

Noya suggests you become a manager because “you come to practice every day anyways.”

“He may not be comfortable with that because everyone we go against only speaks Japanese,” Tsukishima said nonchalantly. “Also, he probably doesn’t want to deal with your screaming.”

Tsukishima is right about being hesitant to join due to maybe not knowing enough Japanese to understand what’s going on all the time  You were pretty sure that you’d know what was going on at least 75% of the time.

“Y/N!  You came to practice again?” Kiyoko asked and you nodded, trying to figure out what you wanted to say.

“I really like the team.” There was more you wanted to say and you were getting nervous. “I don’t know some words in Japanese.”

“Oh, maybe try to explain them?  I’ll try to help.”

Kiyoko is a literal angel.

“You and Yachi.”

“Managers?” She asked with a weird look and you nodded.

“Manager is what I want to be.”

That was such a choppy sentence and you want to die from embarrassment. You want to tell her that you really are better with words.

“You want to join the team?” She asked and that was what you were trying to say but your brain wasn’t processing.

“Yes, that!”

Takeda doesn’t necessarily try to talk you out of it but tries to make you aware.

He explains how everyone around you may speak Japanese you understand and you can’t always ask what they mean, which you knew.  You didn’t grocery shop alone when you first got to Japan for that reason.

He also explains how late in the season it is to join, but you could if you really wanted to.

“You obviously know the best option for you and I can’t stop you from making that.”

Everyone on the team pretty happy you joined and Tanaka and Noya make sure to make a big deal out of the fact they’ll help you whenever you get confused.

Ennoshita then makes the comment that they would have to actually good at formal Japanese and English to really be of help, which deflates the two starters.

Surprisingly, enough Tsukishima is one that helps you most because he can tell when you’re trying to figure something out when others can’t.

Tanaka screams out “maji de” and looks frustrated, so you know he’s upset but you don’t know what to say to help if you don’t really know what he said.

“He said ‘seriously’ aka majime,” Tsukishima said as he took a drink out of his water bottle. “He’s pissed about something; I didn’t see what.”

You had never heard Tsukishima speak English until then and Hinata had once said he was a terrible tutor, but you’d disagree.

“Sorry, I won’t be at practice today I have to go to the doctor,” you said and Hinata got all wide eyed, even though everyone went to the doctor constantly in Japan.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just have to go for the.” The words were there and you knew them because your mom had told you them yesterday but what were they again?

“He’s going for his yearly checkup.”

Tsukishima saves the day again when Hinata would have probably just stared at you.

Yachi helps you understand the rules to the game better than if you would have tried to research it yourself and she even helps you make a notebook of the English terms (you had to look some of them up or ask your parents) to Japanese, which made it easier for you to learn.

[genshin-obsessed]

I dread everything about school, sure, I got some friends. But that doesn't help ease the pain of having a mental breakdown the night before school starts.

I've given up trying to ask my mom or dad if I could get a day off, my mom wouldn't allow me since my dad won't let me. My dad has said he only cares about my education, so I don't see the point in trying anymore.

I envy people who have a mental break day where they can skip school/work. Even in the weekend I can't get rest without thinking about tomorrow. I had a breakdown last week and ended up being yelled at by my dad. Now I really don't think he cares about me besides getting an education.

I already plan on getting an actual job, started a business, how much longer do I have to suffer before I can just get a day off? Or when will I ever be good enough for him?? I'm trying to do things that make me useable enough for society, even though my grades are fucking failing and I can't stop lashing out on things.

These things don't matter anyway, he'll just end up telling me again "and I don't want to go to work" then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT JOB?? fucking peice of shit, he doesn't care about my mental health unless it makes me unable to be a working citizen and get an education.

I'm so fucking tired, I'm trying to keep everything in, but I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid that something will happen that I can't control. I don't want to hurt someone again, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it all in.

I just have to suck it all up, going to school like nothing happened, again. My suicidal thoughts have started to come back, my anxiety has been worse and worse, and I feel like relapsing again.

The only reason I don't self-harm anymore is so I don't get put into a mental hospital again. But if I end up not keeping all these urges and thoughts away then I'll just end up in the mental hospital or worse, an actual prison. The mental hospital felt like a prison anyway, which is why I'm scared to tell any teacher or adult at my school.

It's also 1am, and I shouldn't be bothering anyone with this. I can't bother my sister, she has to get enough sleep to go to work, and with how much little time I get with her now, it's just like when she was in college and i had nobody. My parents are useless in this situation, because my mom would just get yelled at by my dad for suggesting me staying home. And talking to her feels so.. uncomfortable. My dad is just a no. There is no talk about my mental health, if I'm feeling sad, I'll just have to deal with it.

I'm stuck, I don't know how much longer this will last, but probably for a couple more years.

I wish I could easily take my life away, there is hardly anything I want in life anymore.

Just a note before I start: I made a new tag for anyone to block because I’m gonna allow more serious topics with it. I’ll go with the regular tw tags as well, but this one is just one big tag: 🐚— vent

Right, onto you anon. I wanna start by saying I am so, so sorry you’re going through this. I understand, my mother was extremely hard on me in school. She rarely let me take breaks off of school and kept his idea that I had to attend almost every day to be a good student and to have a good education.

Even in college, both of my parents are pretty hard on me to take “good classes” and not “waste” my time. I don’t think many parents understand the stresses of school and it makes it hard for them to understand how terrible those days can be.

The school system is all messed up. Learning subjects that most of us won’t use- unless you’re choose a job in that particular field- teachers pile on too much homework, everything is just memorization at this point, and it gives us little time to relax. The way some teachers even assign homework makes it hard for us to even relax on weekends, which is why we have them. You really only have summer and even then, some parents force their children into extra activities then.

You feelings are valid. 100%. You’re allowed to feel exhausted, especially when you’re not getting any breaks. Getting through high school is the probably the only thing that’s really required for most jobs. But having a college degree doesn’t mean you’ll be rolling in money. It just means you can have a more secure job but by no means guarantees success. Parents don’t realize that.

For you, especially, it’s all building up. I’m sure you already know this to. Holding it in 100% won’t help. The stress also seems to be affecting your school work and it’s making it harder to pass classes which just leads your parents to lash out. It’s a vicious cycle that just doesn’t stop. And the only way to really stop such a thing is to take a step back, but you’re not even allowed to do that.

I think the attempt to please your dad’s ideals is also adding stress. You want to be good enough, and that’s understandable, but sometimes parents project what they couldn’t do onto us. Sometimes, it’s never enough because at the end of the day, they’re not the ones who could accomplish that. I’m sorry to say that and I hope it doesn’t upset you further, but maybe you should try doing this for yourself and not him. Some parents will never be happy- as sad as it is to say that.

I’m glad you don’t self harm, and I’m really proud of you for breaking away from that. Yes, it may just be to stay away from the mental hospital, but I’m still happy you’re staying away from it. Although, I would recommend talking to someone about this, other than me of course, because I can’t do much for you, unfortunately. I can only listen and offer a bit of advice.

Though you don’t want to stress out your sister, it seems like she may be the only one you can kind of trust. Maybe if you’re of age, you could try talking to a therapist or meeting with a school counselor/therapist. They may be able to actively help you, maybe even working with some of your teachers to lessen the workload. Either way, they’ll be more helpful than me.

I want you to know you���re doing an amazing job though. You’re still going after all of this and I know it seems bad, but I know it’ll get better. I know this isn’t much, but I’m very proud of your resilience.

If anything, when you’re on your own and in college, you can 100% take a break and you’ll definitely deserve it. But I do want you to try and talk to somebody you find you can trust. Or try to reach out for help, because something like this can’t be done alone.

There is one thing I think you want and that’s to be free from all of this. School, your parents, the exhaustion, the stress, and so that can be your goal. Though these days will show up often, maybe the idea of being free from all of this while still being able to live a happy life can be that push you need. I’m not sure if you’re able to move away for college, but I would recommend you do that. It’s a little difficult to be on your own, but you’ll get to choose how you live.

I know my response was kinda all over the place, but I really hope it helped anon💖💖 you’re always welcome to come here and talk to me if you’d like. Maybe about school, homework, just to vent, or chat! I would like to hear how you’re doing too 🥺💖

[arctickat2400]

Safe Is Overrated <> Peter Parker

Anonymous Request: Can you please write a Peter Parker x reader tangled au story or the little mermaid au story???

Note: This was an interesting one. I'm not sure how much of an AU it is. I had a bit of a hard time writing it, all these different thoughts and ideas that may or may not have made it in. But, I think it came out fine. Two parts. Please request more; I need ideas; and I hope y'all enjoy!

* * *

“Mom, I’ll be fine. I always am.” I told her when she wouldn’t listen to my pleads. Instead, she ignored my desires and continued making dinner.

“No, Y/N. I told you, it’s not safe out there. I’m not sure why we’re still having this conversation. It’s going nowhere.” Mom said. She seemed so nonchalant about all of this, even as my voice rose.

“But, you never let me see him. And who cares if it isn’t safe out there? You can’t keep me locked up in here,” I gestured to our decent-sized, two-bedroom New York apartment. “I’m gonna have to leave at some point. What’re you gonna do when I go off to college? Are you just not gonna let me go? You keep me here every second of every day. It’s a mystery how I even met Peter,” It’s actually not. He lives in the building across the street and he helped me with my boxes and things when we first moved in several years ago and we have been friends ever since. I have had a crush on him for a while, wondering what could happen between us if my mom would just let me go someplace other than the damn living room and bathroom.

“I need to be able to go out and hang out with people, make friends, get a job, try New York food, smell the New York air, and feel the ocean breeze on my skin,” I argued.

“You can feel and smell all those things from the terrace right outside your bedroom window. You do it every day…”

“That’s beside the point. I need to go out. Walk around, do the things you should be telling me to do but don’t because you won’t let me leave. I need to leave!” I raised my voice and mom finally turned around.

“Y/N, I told you no! You will not be leaving this house and you will no longer bring it up, do you understand?” She took me by surprise. She’s never yelled at me before. I for sure quieted down at this.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” I apologized under my breath as I made my way back to my room. Whiskey lifted his head at the sound of me entering my room. The Australian Shepherd is my best friend, besides Peter of course. My mom bought him for me one day, back before we moved here because she “felt bad” that I couldn’t go out and make any friends, even though it’s her that was keeping me from doing so. Whiskey has always been there for me. He always cheers me up. He would sleep with me at night, watch movies with me, comfort me when I’m sad or stressed, would help me with my homework and online classes. He’s honestly the best friend and dog anyone could ask for.

I opened my window to let some fresh air in, looking across the street and seeing Peter’s lights on in his room. I stepped out onto my terrace, Whiskey jumping off my bed and following, and, where most terraces had stairs going up to the following floors, mine had locked up gates preventing me from going anywhere. But, mom bought me all these nice pillows and blankets that I piled up to make a nice place to chill out and be comfortable. Not that it makes up for locking me up, but it was something.

I lived on the top floor of a 20 story building. You’d think I’d be scared of heights when it came to this and would avoid coming to the terrace. But it gave me peace and sincerity. It keeps me calm being out here. I could see a lot of the city up here. It was best at night. I could see every light in the city. Sometimes I’d stay out in the very later hours of the night just to stare at the lights, imagining what it would be like to see them up close. Whiskey made everything better. Just by being around, he grounds me, keeps me on my feet. He’s always at my side.

It seemed like Peter was quite concentrated. Possibly building something for his job or creating something that he brainstorms in his unusually smart mind. Every few seconds, he would pace past his window, each time with a different part or piece of equipment. I’ve never been to his room. I’ve always wanted to. It seems so homey and comfy. I’ve heard a lot about his Aunt May as well. She seems so sweet, very fun to be around, but I’ve never met her either, unfortunately.

Just then, my phone vibrates against the bricks of the windowsill. Peter was calling.

Peter: Hey, Lone Wolf.

That was Peter’s nickname for me whenever he caught me on the terrace since I seem so lonely and have no one to hang out with.

Y/N: Hey, Peter. Whatcha up to?

Peter: Oh, nothing. You would think it’s boring, anyway.

Y/N: It doesn’t look like nothing with all that pacing back and forth you’re doing, and you know I wouldn’t think it’s boring, but okay, if you don’t want to tell me.

I watched Peter open his own window and climb out onto his terrace. He smiled when we sat down and saw me watching him. Whiskey lifted his head off my leg once he sensed that Peter had come out. Whiskey loves Peter.

He has a doggy door so he’s able to go out when he wants or needs. The doorman downstairs opens the door for him, such a sweet man, the few times I met him. Every time Whiskey went outside, he would run to Peter every time he walked by, either leaving or going home. Peter would welcome him with open arms and Whiskey would be so happy, running around and jumping with joy, a feeling I wish I could experience with Peter.

Peter: Haha, very funny. Anyways, wanna come over? Aunt May is making (your favorite meal), your favorite.

Y/N: Peter, you know I can’t. I haven’t been able to in the past, what makes you think I can now?

Peter: I don’t know. A guy can hope, ya know? He seemed very disappointed. Seems like an ongoing emotion.

Y/N: I get it. You know I do. I’m gonna go shower before dinner. I’ll talk to you later, Peter. Hanging up, the sadness and disappointment worse than before, I climb back through my window, Whiskey following behind, but not without missing the same expression on Peter’s face as was on mine.

Hearing knocking on the bathroom door, “Y/N, dinner’s ready. I’m leaving for my night shift. I’ll see you in the morning.” Mom mentioned as I stood in the shower, the warm water cascading over my face and body, calming music playing in the background as I contemplate my life, or lack thereof.

I don’t answer her. She knows I won’t. She works at a hospital a few blocks away. Every night she works the night shift, sometimes taking some day shifts every now and then. She likes to stay home with me, just in case I need anything, and then she works while I’m asleep.

Staying in the shower a few minutes longer, I step out, wrap myself in a warm towel, wringing my hair out and walk into my room to dress in some comfy clothes. I pick up my phone to see I have a text from mom.

You know I’m just trying to keep you safe right? I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you.

I understand where she’s coming from. I always have. But, it’s just so irrational, her wanting to keep me inside all the time.

I know, mom. I love you, too. Have a nice shift. See you later. I text back. I guide myself to the dining room to grab some dinner, which, coincidentally, was meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Grabbing some grape soda from the fridge, I make my way back to my room to see Whiskey eating his food. Mom probably fed him before she left. Sitting at my desk, I put on a movie to watch, putting my feet up, and enjoying dinner.

That was until something hit my window. I ignored it, thinking it was some kids from the lower floors somehow throwing rocks at the weird girls’ window, and taking another bite of dinner. But, when it happened again, I set my food down, paused my movie, and went to my window, only to see Peter hanging from the rooftop in front of my window.

[outerbankslut]

Childhood Friends... Pope Heyward

Summary • You have been in love with Pope Heyward since you first met him when you were younger. But there’s one or two problems. Or so you think. He doesn’t like you. Does he?

Warnings • Swearing. Underage drinking.

Word Count • 3.3k (Imagine)

Masterlist

(GIF isn’t mine, let me know if it’s yours)

    AT EIGHT YEARS old you first met Pope Heyward. The concept of Outer Banks at such a young age seemed like a dream for you. Never ending beaches. Hot weather practically all the time. Surfing and swimming at your beck and call. It was a stark change from living in Minnesota.

The house you moved into was a small two story house next to one almost identical. And the day you had moved in a boy came knocking at the door. He seemed around your age and held a pie dish in his hands seemingly quite nervous. Your parents were upstairs unpacking so you opened the door hoping maybe you could make a friend.

"My mum made me bring this pie for you since we’re neighbours, here you go." He kept his eyes trained on the ground then handing you the pie and scurrying back home before you could even take a breath. Your face dropped as he ran off but you felt determined to make him a friend, after all you were neighbours so how hard could it be since you'd see him almost all the time.

A few days later your mum wanted to buy some groceries rather than living off of takeaway food for any longer and opted for going to Heywards shop. Which ended up being your neighbours store.

You wandered through the store while your mum chatted with Heyward and eventually stumbled upon the boy who ran away sitting on the floor and reading a comic.

"Spider-Man's really cool." You had said sitting down next to him as his head snapping to the side suddenly looking from his marvel comic to you. It was a surprise he didn't get whiplash.

"Really? I think so too." The boy gushed about the hero while you sat listening. Then your mum called you from the front of the store and you pouted, sad you could hang out with your new friend any longer.

Then the next thing you knew the eight year old boy was dragging you both to your feet and taking you to the candy area. He handed you a chocolate bar with a cheeky grin. "Don't tell my dad."

You nodded and giggled before rushing off to your mum and looking back at your new friend happily. Your parents invited the Heywards around for weekly dinners and alternated between houses becoming good family friends which only strengthened you and Popes friendship.

After that began it was an almost daily thing for you to hang out. You and Pope were attached by the hip. You went on your bikes together. Even took kids surfing lessons together. Though Pope practically already knew how to surf since he was raised on the water.

As you grew older you would do your homework together with the Heyward boy often helping you with the subjects you struggled in while you helped him with the things he struggled with.

Eventually you offered to help with the shop to pass time and hang out with your friend and at this point the Heywards were like family to you.

When you were both ten years old Pope had the idea to make a tree house. And though not the best considering it ended up just a rickety platform balancing on branches with ladders either side of it, it still worked. The tree overhung both houses back gardens with its trunk positioned just on the edge of your garden.

You met two more goofs that year. JJ and John B. The two Js was what you called them at first. You became fast friends with their long hanging bond similar to yours with pope. You fit like a lock and a key together. However you never showed the Pogues the treehouse, it was just you and Popes little space.

You spent a lot of time up there just staring up at the stars of reading. Pope liked to talk about all his hopes and dreams while you were there and you listened.

"Y/N, do you think I’ll be able to get into a good college. Like for forensic pathology." He asked as you laid on the 'treehouse' could you even call it that.

"Pope you are the smartest person I know. So it's unlikely that you won't get into anywhere you want."

"I know it's just—I don't think my dad can afford it so I'll need to get a scholarship. There'll be be hundreds of people competing for it. I'm just a drop in the ocean to them." He ranted and you could hear the stress in his voice. This wasn't something someone as smart and determined as Pope should have to stress about was all you thought. He deserved so much while people who deserved so much less got fed with a silver spoon up in figure eight.

"They'd be dumb not to let you in. I don’t see how you wouldn’t. I have faith in you but I will also do whatever it takes to get you in. I'll pay for your tuition myself if I have to. Or I'll find some dirt on the dean and—"

"I'd rather not have my acceptance be a product of your blackmailing ways Y/N but thankyou and I'm not letting you pay for my tuition." He laughed. It was the melodic sound that rung in your ears that made you smile and turn your head away from the stars and towards him. The small lights you had hanging from the tree branches were bouncing off of his beautiful chestnut skin. His eyes were a shade of dark honey brown that simmered in the light. He was amazing in every single way.

Your fourteen year old self was starting to realise what you had been oblivious to the whole time. You would do anything for Pope. He was your ride or die. And you hoped you were his.

However when Kiara came in was when things went weird between you and Pope. She waltzed in in all her kook glory looking like a goddess. So of course you couldn't blame the boys when suddenly all their attention was on her and her beautiful brown wavy hair or golden cocoa skin that glimmered in the sunlight. You couldn't figure out whether she was just born lucky with amazing genetics or whether she was a vampire like from Twilight. Either way, Pope Heyward fell and he fell hard that year. At work he always spoke about her and it was slowly killing you inside. Every time he mentioned it you swore you heard your heart break and crack into more pieces.

You wished you could tell him. But you would be putting your friendship on the line. It would be selfish to tell him when he clearly wasn’t interested.

Instead of moping over an unattainable crush you attempted to move on. And to everyone’s surprise started flirting back with JJ. He was always shooting his shot like he did with Kie and tourons at keggers but normally you never flirted back. You thought somehow within your skewed logic it would work and you would be over Pope. Like the saying fake it till you make it. But it just bought your thoughts back to how it wasn’t Pope.

The Heyward boy started to pay more attention to it. He got a weird feeling in his stomach everytime he saw you laughing at JJs jokes and not his or just talking to each other. He stared every time you flipped your long glossy hair over your shoulder and looked flawless or would saunter off back into the chateau for a drink.

His interest turned from anyone to you within a second of a word coming from you pink lips. But you had convinced yourself he wasn't interested and you were oblivious to his newfound feelings. And so he stayed blind as he had been before to yours.

    "HEY WHAT’RE YOU doing over here, lil red." JJs nickname had originated from the fact that red was your favourite colour. You had even dressed up as little red riding hood one year for Halloween which sparked the full nickname. It was sweet but in no way anything more than a friendly nickname. Although Pope begged to differ. You sat leaning against the wooden poll on the wooden floor of the dock. Your arms wrapped around your legs pulling them close to your chest giving you a sense of comfort as you stared at the sunset across the marsh.

You turned to the blond sending him a small smile before turning back to the sinking blends of fluorescent pink and oranges blurring into one beautiful mess in the sky. "Watching the sunset."

"Mind if I watch too?" He asked settling down beside you and resting his arms on his knees. You nodded. It turned away from the sky.

You heard the laugh of Pope from behind you and turned this time you turned away to look seeing Pope laughing with Kie that just sparked jealousy in your stomach. He looked so happy with her.

"So what's the deal with that?" JJ asked from beside you and you turned to him confusion splattering on your features which were orange from the light hitting of the setting sun.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the long glances, more like stares really and when you tell a joke you always look to Pope first. You look at him like he's the best thing in the world. Not to mention you randomly starting to flirt with me. I'm a professional ladies man. I notice these things. You’re not interested in me, it’s Pope." He blurted out and you sat rubbing a hand over your face with a sigh.

"I don’t do any of that." JJ have you a look which you shrugged at. “Look I—I did, but I don’t anymore.”

“You sure about that?” JJ kept his stare on you as you shuffled uncomfortably before sighing.

“I just wish he could just like me back, but he never will he’ll always like Kie and I don’t wanna be jealous of them cause then I’ll be a terrible friend but... I can’t help it.”

“Lil red, I know you might not believe me but I think Pope does like you. A lot. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s not just some friendly look.” He places his hand on your shoulder rubbing it softly and you send him a tight lipped smile.

“Maybe he does, I doubt it though. And people say girls are complicated. You boys are just as complicated.” You teased bumping his shoulder as he let go of yours. “But anyway we’re forgetting about the most important rule ever. No pogue on pogue macking.”

JJ snorted shaking his head. “Don’t bring up that bullshit rule. I know that if anyone of you showed interest in me it would be out of the window.”

“I’m not particularly a rule breaker unlike you.”

“Rules are made to broken but you’re just boring Lil Red.” You gasped and turned to your friend.

“No I am not. Take it back.” You glared at him jokingly.

“What’re you gonna do?”

You raised your eyebrows and then pushed the boy off the dock thinking you’d suceeded for a slip second until he grabbed your shoulders and pulled you in too.

Pope watched the two of you laughing and talking for a while without you realising and then he saw you both fall in the water together laughing and looking like you belonged together. He shook his head slightly as he looked back to Kie who stared with worried eyes.

“You okay Pope?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine just thinking.” Kie nodded going back to talking to John B until a shout erupts and they both turned to see JJ and you in the water. Pope was already looking.

“Lil red what the fuck?” He laughed shaking off his hair while you rung your own out still looking amazing to Pope.

“You said I was boring.” You shrugged chuckling and then screeching as you were pushed back under the water.

“I’m honestly surprised they’re not together yet.” Kie laughed looking at the two other boys beside her.

“You think they like each other?” Pope asked worry pinched in his eyebrows. It was one thing for him to think it but for Kie to confirm his thoughts made his stomach churn.

“Well yeah, I mean look at them.”

Pope was looking at them. And he saw it clear as day. You and him were never going to happen.

You breathed heavily as you and JJ walked up the steps to the docks. “Hey I know what we can do to help get your mind off of Pope for a night.”

“What?”

“A kegger.”

    THE PARTY HAD started two hours ago and was roaring with teens, kooks and Pogues alike hung together for one night filled with truce, beer and weed.

He had left you a few minutes before to pursue a girl of course while you sat around a bonfire staring at the embers that floated into the midnight sky. But you were still thinking about him. He was stuck in your thoughts like superglue. You'd hoped that maybe alcohol would help loosen you up and get you out of your head but being alone and drunk made it worse.

Pope stood by Kie as you sat at the fire by yourself. Now was his chance to tell you and maybe you would like him back but if you didn't then maybe it would be less embarrassing since you were drunk. However he was not drunk since he abstained from the beer despite the multitudes of parties they had. He was the designated driver type.

"I'm gonna go over to Y/N." Kiara nodded before she continued talking to a random boy that sat next to her.

He walked across the sand catching your attention as you snapped your head up to see him heading your way.

"Hey Pope."

You were surprised he left Kie.

"You looked a little lonely so I'm giving you company."

"Oh Thankyou. My saviour." You said jokingly. Taking a swig of beer you examined the boys face. It twitched with nerves as he sat next to you and fiddled with his fingers.

He looked up at you with a small smile. “Y/N, I—”

“God, girls around here really have a good left hook.” JJ groaned holding his face sitting down next to you on the log interrupting Pope who he hadn’t noticed.

Then JJ looked up to see Pope sitting there awkwardly and you almost laughing at the fact that he got punched by a girl which never happened before. “Oh shit sorry I didn’t realise...”

“Realise what?” You asked shaking your head cluelessly before you dragged yourself up. “I need another drink.”

JJ tried to stop you but before he knew it you were at the keg with him following after.

“Uh, Lil red, I think Pope might’ve been about to tell you he liked you.”

“Wait, what? Really?” You almost dropped your beer as your hands went slack in shock but you quickly gripped it tight swallowing some. Pope stared into as you had walked away from him with JJ following. Of course he was going after you because like Kie said, they liked each other. He wanted to see if he could forget, so he did something he would probably regret.

“I’m pretty sure I mean he looked like he was going to. I really need to talk to him...” The blond trailed off as he stared at something behind him.

“What is it?” You were about to turn around until JJ held your shoulders in place until your shoved them off and saw what you never wanted to see.

Pope was kissing a girl. Not Kie though. It was just a random girl who he was kissing. Your eyes burned with tears as you turned to JJ scoffing.

“Yeah he definitely likes me doesn’t he.” You choked back a sob shoving the beer into JJs hand and running off into the trees.

Pope has pulled away just in time to see it and instant regret filled his stomach.

“Pope, buddy, what did you do?” JJ asked softly as Pope looked at his walking away from the random girl who looked taken aback.

“I’m so sorry.” He apologised and she rolled her eyes walking off. “I don’t know what was going through my head, one second I was at the fire the next I was kissing a random girl.”

“Look, bro, just go find her and explain everything.”

“Yeah, I’ll—I’ll do that.”

You had walked the farthest you could from the party, still bare foot since your shoes were in the van and John B had the keys. You were leaning against a tree trunk when you decided to go to the one place that would comfort you most despite reminding you of him.

You went straight home taking 20 minutes to walk down the cold desolate roads that were dark by this time. The first thing you did was get ice cream from the freezer before making your way to the tree house and wrapping yourself in the blankets befor leaning against one of the many pillows stored there. You listened to the gentle breeze above rustling the leaves of the blooming trees and the crickets in the distance and felt the gentle swaying of the platform beneath you.

This was your comfort place. It was the only place you felt like this since it was where you created all your favourite memories with Pope Heyward. The unattainable boy who had always been by your side.

By the time Pope made it home it was completely dark but he knew exactly where you would be. He made his way to his backyard and saw your small figure and made his way up. You sat up quickly and almost burst into more tears after seeing him.

"Y/N..."

"Pope what are you doing here?" You asked as he climbed up the ladder.

"I came to check up on you..." He sighs and sits down next to you. "And I came to say that that kiss was a big mistake."

"Why—what?" You looked at the boy in confusion.

"I like you. I know we've been best friends forever and I hope this doesn't make it weird but that's the truth. I kissed the girl to see if I could forget about you which in hindsight was really stupid. And you probably hate me."

You looked at him with glossy eyes and smiled.

"Yeah that was stupid if you thought you could get over me.” You laughed which died down when you turned to him looking more serious. “But I don’t hate you. It’s not like we were dating.”

“I was thinking...we could change that.” Pope tells you and you raise your eyebrows, a growing smile on your face.

“Hmm okay. Date. This friday. On the beach. You and me?" You asked and his eyes lit up feeling slightly surprised at the forwardness.

"Isn't it supposed to be me asking you out?" He asked teasingly.

"It's the twenty first century pope get with it."

"Of course. And I would love to go on a date with you.”

“Good.” He then jumped on top of you in all your blankets and you let out a shriek. “Oh my god, Pope are you trying to simultaneously give me a heart attack and break this thing?”

“Not really, but if it happens then oh well.” He feigned nonchalance for a second breaking into a grin as you slapped his arm.

“Watch it mister. Or I’ll reconsider that date.”

“Okay, I’m sorry Y/N.”

You sighed contently as he wrapped you up in his arms, both of you under the blankets and the stars. You could definitely get used to this.

Note • In honor of simping for Pope and jd day, year, decade and century i’ve written this cause he’s a cutie and I love him. This was kinda anticlimatic but 🤷‍♀️

[addictofsupernatural]

Spidey Senses (pt. 1)

Peter Parker x reader

Summary: You have a big secret about your life, and so might your crush.

Word Count: 2253

Chapter 2

You woke up, looking around at the apartment to yourself, and got ready for school. You made yourself some scrambled eggs; they were quick enough to make. You ate and cleaned up, not that anyone was expecting you to. You went to the bathroom, looking at yourself one last time. You frowned, but smoothened out your shirt.

Peter liked this shirt. He once told you that at lunch, when you brought him cookies made cookies for him and Ned. It was a Bowsette shirt, and this time instead of wearing it lose you tucked it in. Maybe he'd like that? Not that it was doing much for your body. You did read somewhere that having confident vibes was attractive, so maybe you just needed to act confident, and he'd notice that you wore the shirt he likes? It was stupid, but you were doing it anyways.

You locked up your apartment and walked to Peter's nicer apartment complex, where you sat down on the untagged steps outside. A few minutes later Peter came rushing out with a piece of toast in his mouth. You turned and smiled, perking up.

"Morning Peter." You chirped. No matter how bad you could feel sometimes, you couldn't help but have the best of attitudes around Peter.

"Morning." He said, voice muffled. He took a bite and ripped off a piece of toast, silently giving it to you. You took it and ate with him. "So I just got a text from Ned, and we have to pair up in biology for a project on the genetics of different forms of life."

He sounded pepped up, and so were you. You loved doing projects. It was a stress reliever from working at nights, and you got to spend some time after school with Peter. To you, projects were amazing. "So, who're you gonna pick for your partner?" You teased.

"Of course only the one person I know who can keep up with me." He nudged you, and you giggled. "I wish Liz was in that class. She's really smart."

Then there was that. Peter's crush on Liz. Though it made you feel terrible about yourself, you couldn't help but constantly compare yourself to Liz. She was so much prettier than you, smarter, actually popular. Not that you really cared about popularity, but it seemed like everyone adored her, Peter included. You didn't dislike her, you just wished you could be more like her. But if she's what makes Peter happy, then you would try to be the most supportive friend you could be.

"I bet you do." You did your best to smile. "Are we still on for joining the Mathletes?"

"I don't know. What if I get too nervous around Liz and start messing everything up? Then I'll look like an idiot."

"First of all, never call yourself an idiot. You're a genius, own it. Second, me and Ned are gonna join with you. We'll have your back Peter. We'll all have some fun, and you'll get to spend more time with her. We'll be in the back for support if you need us."

He nodded and put an arm around you, squeezing your shoulders as he side hugged you. "Thanks y/n. I can always count on you and Ned to be really awesome friends."

Though it took a blow to your feelings and self esteem, all you responded with was "Of course." as you walked into school and met up with Ned.

Sometimes, keeping things to yourself was just the better option. There were two things you kept from Peter. One, you were completely and undoubtedly in love with him. Only Ned knew about this, since he's just as close to you as Peter is. Two, the day you went to the Stark museum field trip and got bit by that spider changed your life forever.

As the day went on, so did your anxiousness. It was good this time; you didn't have work today at Delmar's Deli-Grocery, meaning it was time to suit up. Queens always needed help, and you were happy to do it. So was this other guy with similar abilities, but you never met him, so you didn't worry about it.

Mathletes went pretty much as expected. Peter was adorably awkward around Liz, but a genius none the less. You actually had some fun with Ned, goofing off as well as being able to get some work done. Peter would come back to you two every now and then to give updates. "You okay?" Ned quietly asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." You rested your chin on your hand and leaned over. "What about you? Like anybody right now?"

He gave you a goofy smile. "Nobody specific, but I'm hoping being in the Mathletes will show girls how smart I am."

You gave him a toothy grin in return. "I'm sure they will. Girls who are worth your time are suckers for nerds." Ned nodded his head eagerly in response.

Peter caught a glimpse of your conversation with Ned about girls liking nerds, and it sounded like a really tempting topic to over and listen about, but he had to focus on Liz. Giving her his main attention will show her that this is just as important to him as it is to her.

When Mathletes was over, Peter went over to you and an excited Ned, trying to ignore that nagging left out feeling he was having. "What'd I miss?"

"Y/n's gonna paint the Millennium Falcon and Death Star on my walls!" Ned said excitedly.

"Woah, really?"

You shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, it's not a big deal. I like painting, and it's not like my landlord would let me do it on my own walls. His parents are gonna take me to buy the paints and pay me for doing it too, so it's really just me getting all the benefits."

"It's gonna happen next week, so we should have a marathon over the weekend." Ned proposed.

"I love that idea!" Peter said, getting pumped up and excited in a very cute way he does. "We should do it at your house!" He said to you.

"I'm so down!" You excitedly said. "But right now I have homework to do, so let's walk home."

Ned said his goodbyes as he got picked up. You and Peter walked home together talking about Star Wars and how he would love it if you painted for him sometime. You promised him you would and said your goodbyes, watching him walk up his apartment complex steps and disappearing. You then quickly ran home to put on your super suit and head out.

Meanwhile, Peter came home to see Mr. Tony Stark in his very own living room. "Aunt May, I'm ho–"

The two heads turned to see the suddenly out of breath teen. "Oh, hey! Mr. Stark was just telling me how you got accepted." Aunt May smiled.

"W...wha–how–um, hi." He breathed out.

Tony smiled effortlessly as he got up. "I was just talking to your Aunt May over here about your acceptance for your application into the Stark internship." He winked. "Can we talk privately in your room?"

"Ye...uh, sure. Course." They both went into his room and Tony closed the door, looking around the room.

"So your aunt seems nice." Tony said nonchalantly. "Really doesn't look like an aunt."

"Um, why are you here Mr. Stark? I never filled out an–"

"She's cute." He picked up a framed picture of you and Peter, you hugging him while you both smiled. Tony instantly recognized you as the other person he was going to recruit.

"Y–uh, I guess." The question was very flustering for Peter.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Woah! No, we're just friends. There's actually this other girl–"

Tony set the picture down and went on to his phone. "Okay, I'm bored with this story now." He then pulled up a video of a disguised man stop a car from crashing into a bus. "This you?"

"No! I don't know who that is."

"Yeah?" He looked up and got the broom that was against the wall, pushing one of the air vents out of the way and watching Peter's suit fall while tied to a rope. "Tell anybody about your powers?"

"No! Not even Aunt May, I promise. It's been a secret since I got them."

Tony nodded. "I'll cut to the point. I need you to come with me to Berlin. There's something you can help me with. Think of it as a mission. Are you up for it?" Peter only nodded his head. "Good, we got one more stop to make."

You got home to your apartment after stopping a robbery at a fast food restaurant. You took a shower and finished your homework fairly quickly. After backing some double brownie cookies for the weekend, you started pencil drawing to pass the time. That's when you heard a knock at the door. Your hair was still a bit damp as you curiously got up and answered the door. In front of your very eyes was the infamous Tony Stark.

"Woah." Was the first thing to drop out of your mouth. You wanted to slap yourself. You quietly said, "Hello."

You stuck out your hand for a hand shake, trying to make it as firm as you could while feeling nervous around the celebrity. As he shook it, you swallowed your nervousness down and remembered that everyone has flaws and he's just a regular person.

"Hi, can I come in?" You forced a smile and nodded, stepping aside as he came in and walked around your house. In all honesty, it was kind of making you uncomfortable how much observing he was doing. He noticed the same picture Peter had was hanged up on your wall. "Is this your boyfriend?"

You nervously laughed at the thought of that fantasy. "I wish." You blurted out. He raised his eyebrows and looked at you, feeling that this was going to be fun to tease about over this mission. "But I've been friend zoned, so yeah." You quickly said. "Anyways, would you like something to eat or drink?"

"Got any sweets or something? I am kind of hungry." He didn't look at you and kept wandering around your apartment. You silently nodded and took out the container of cookies you just put in the cupboard. You made those for the Star Wars binge, but if you had to sacrifice some for Tony Stark, so be it. You opened it from the kitchen counter, and he took one while inspecting your kitchen. "Oh wow. These are good. Make them yourself?"

"Yeah actually. Thanks." He opened your finance drawer with your bills, newspaper coupons and food stamps. You quickly closed it. "Um, please don't look at that!"

He looked you in the eye for a second before nodding and looking at another picture of Peter and you, this time with you trying to cover your face from the selfie. "So, I've read your personal file."

He was so straight forward that you didn't know how to react. "Oh. Are you even allowed to do that?"

"I'm allowed to bend the rules a bit sometimes." You huffed in response. Rich people. "Emancipated at 15. That's a lot."

"Yeah, I guess. I'd like to think I've adjusted well." You put on a smile again.

He leaned against the kitchen counter. "You miss your mom?"

"Um, she needed to learn how to take care of herself before she could take care of anybody else. I'm okay with that." You rocked on your heals.

"That's very mature of you, but you didn't answer my question."

You really didn't know why you felt so open with him. Maybe it was all that internet stalking. Damn. But you weren't about to spill out your life to this man and scare him off. No matter how well you felt like you kind of knew him. "Mm, it's complicated."

"And what about your dad?"

You truthfully never really think about him. "What about him?"

"You don't want to meet him? Know anything about him?"

You let out a laugh. "The only thing I want to know about him is his address, so I could file for some child support."

Tony smirked, deciding that he liked you. "Can you even file for yourself."

You sighed. "Probably not. Sometimes the government can suck."

He nodded his head, his eyes averting to your room. Shit. "What're those?"

"Oh, um, you don't need to see that!" He walked a lot faster than you and went into your room. You silently cursed your small legs. "Wow. These are a lot of drawings. And there's a lot of Thor. Do we have a little crush on a certain God?"

"Maybe!" You blurted out, much to Tony's amusement.

There was a small desk over a bulletin board full of your drawings. You got the desk when you saw pieces of wood being thrown out of a Home Depot because of chips and scratches, and you volunteered to take it off their hands. You built it yourself, wobbly and uneven, and painted some of it with the paints Aunt May got you. It made you look like the help, but it was nothing compared to the drawings you had of the superheroes.

"So what if I do? I know a ton of people who have fake crushes on you!"

"And you're not one of them?" He raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Should I be offended?"

You smiled, genuinely smiled, and shook your head. "People have fake crushes on unrealistically perfect people. Thor, Thor is unrealistically perfect. You have a ton of flaws but are essentially a good person at heart... With all respect."

"What makes you think I'm not just perfect?" He was truthfully interested in hearing your take on this.

"Because it takes a person with anxiety to know a person with anxiety." Tony uncomfortably shifted his weight onto his other foot.

"I've seen some bad stuff too, not as bad as you, but I know that memories creep up when things get too much to handle. You have a ton of things to handle. I've seen some interviews that get to you. Some things that people say. The rude reporters. Even though a lot of people say bad things about you, your company, and even your family, you still have it in you to fight for everyone. That's amazing. You're not unrealistically perfect, but you are realistically perfect to me."

He paused for a moment, absorbing what was said. "If you're not in love with me, then why do you take the time to know so much about me?"

"Because, while I don't think of you as the fake love of my life, I see you as someone I look up to."

"Believe me kid, you should look up to someone else." He tried to joke it off.

You shrugged. "I don't have anyone else." You felt embarrassed suddenly, looking down at your desk. You then smiled again and searched through your drawings, picking up one of Tony smiling. "Just think of me as your number one fan. You can have that."

"Huh." Was all he said as he looked at it.

"What? Not used to seeing yourself smile?" You giggled. "Anyways, why are you here?"

"Oh, right." He took out his phone, showing you a video of you suited up, stopping a moving car full of robbers until the police showed up.

You sighed. "Okay, you found me. What now?"

"You're not going to try and lie for your secret identity?" Tony smiled again.

"To Ironman?" You giggled again. "No."

"Well, there's a mission in Berlin I need you and the Spiderman's assistance for."

"Is that what he calls himself?"

"Yeah. You met him?" You shook your head, and Tony knew he was going to enjoy this. "Well, you're about to. Ready Spidergirl?"

"Um, shouldn't I pack or something?"

"No need. I got you provisions and clothes for a few days. Especially considering that's probably the only kind of things you have."

You clutched your baggy shirt. "Rude, but true."

"Okay then, stay here." He then left the apartment for a bit and came back with a nice looking shirt and ripped jeans. "I don't want people thinking I found a homeless girl off the side of the street."

"You're so mean." You breathed out a laugh. "Thank you though. I'll be out in a bit." You stepped out a minute later uncomfortably. "Ready?"

"Look at you, looking like a girl." He teased.

You laughed. "Who'd have known? Let's go."

"You ready to meet the Spiderman?" Tony asked as you both stepped down from the apartment complex.

"Should I be? I don't even know who that is." He winked at you before opening the door for you. You slid in the back seat and looked at a surprised Peter dead in the eye. "Holy shit!"

[retvenkos]

Congrats on 2.5k!! You're an amazing artist, and have no idea on how many times I've read your fics 😂 even tho I'm kinda shy to comment... sorry, I'll try to work on that 😅 Can I get a 🔥 for Narnia, Newsies and Harry Potter Next-Generation?

I'm a straight girl, INFP, Hufflepuff, Daughter of Athena (in Percy Jackson universe 😂). I really like to read, and watch movies or TV series, theater or... anything that tells a story, I really don't care about the media as long as they have a good story to tell. I also really like writing, I really write a lot about what I think, or some poems, or even have tried writing songs, but I have no music knowledge so... lol. I really love music, I've loved music since I can remember, and I'm currently trying to learn how to play guitar.

To me, the most important thing that I have are my friends, I appreciate them more that anything in this life and would give my life for them. But I'm not an affectionate person, it's kind of rare when I'm openly about how much I love them, and only with real close friends I tell them a little more often how much they mean to me, and I'm not really into physical touch either, just with really close people.

I love long talks where I can talk about... anything. I have so many thoughts about so many things, and I'd really like to share them with someone, and that person to tell me what they think too. I'm open minded, and if someone doesn't agree with me it's ok, but I really like to debate and be able to see everyone's point of view.

I don't tend to say when I'm feeling down, and I'm kind of good at hiding it, (I hide my feelings with humor lol) so... I have to be really sad to let people know about it (and just really close ones). I don't feel comfortable letting other people know when I'm not feeling well, and even if they know it's still rare that they could help me so... I just feel with it on my own (even tho it would be nice to have someone there sometimes). On the contrary, I'm always there to help everyone. Most my friends come to me for advice and I help them the best I can. So... I'm kind of the therapist friend that no one check how is doing lol

You could say I'm kind of a geek? Nerd? Whatever xD but I like to have fun (like... it's easier to get out of trouble when you're one of the "good kids" in class 👀 I still follow most of the rules tho, just know how to have my ways sometimes). I'm kind of the stereotype for Ravenclaw, but I'm a Hufflepuff xD so yeah... I really like music, and musical theater, and lots of reading. Love to spend time with my friends, but really enjoy time with myself. I spend most of my day daydreaming, and don't like to follow rules lol (But I'm the voice of reason with my friends. I don't like rules, but follow them... if it's necessary) . I hate people who are selfish, or that don't care about others. Also hate people who manipulate others or that get into "friendships" just to get something out of it (those are fake friends so).

So... yeah, that's it. I'm sorry if it's a lot, and no problem if you can't do it 😅 (also, I would love some rivals-to-lovers? If it's possible). Really love your work 💕

Pd. Sorry for my bad English 😅

HP Next Gen:

I ship you with James Sirius Potter!

so first of all, james sirius is one of those dorky jocks who is made up of lame jokes, poorly timed finger-guns, an inexplicable talent in school (despite rarely studying), and persuasion skills that somehow work on even the strictest of teachers.

it is from this that the rivalry between you is born. james sirius potter doesn’t have to do anything! he can run a hand through his god awful hair, give a teacher a grin, and his entire year is set. he can skip lessons for quidditch, where you get extra work when you were sick with dragon pox! it’s not fair that james sirius potter gets to waltz through this school like he’s all that, and the rest of you have to suffer.

at first, the rivalry wasn’t that bad, you just rolled your eyes in class whenever his obnoxious “thanks, professor” was heard over the din, or whenever you went to quidditch matches and he showed off on his broom, instead of doing his job as seeker (at which he was pretty good, not that you’d admit it).

BUT THEN,,,,, you become herbology partners, and things get bad. fast.

you get that harry potter is friends with neville but really? neville, head of gryffindor house, the most just of gryffindors, is letting james sirius potter leave class 20 minutes early because he has quidditch practice? practice that, mind you, doesn’t start until AFTER class has ended? your professor leaves you to do the work of two people all on your own because james sirius potter said it was cool that neville cut the head off of nagini? come on! everyone says that!

so you end up having to do extra work, which leaves less time for your other classes, and you have to do it in herbology - a class that has the potential to be deadly when difficult. 

it’s not a week until you march up to gryffindor tower (which is a pain on the legs, especially since your common room is in the basement) and wait for james sirius to show his sorry face. he doesn’t come down until lunch time, and then you have to follow him down to the great hall, because he “didn’t have breakfast” and he needs to eat “for quidditch.” it’s annoying, and yet he’s smiling the whole time?

you tell him he can’t leave class early - you almost had your finger bitten off the other day because no one else was there to hold down the plant while you tried to pick off it’s petals.

he says he can’t, but he’ll do your essays or whatever. “that’s plagiarism, you realize that?” “alright, then i’ll give you my notes.” “you don’t take notes.” “then i’ll start.”

and this is clearly going nowhere, so you sigh and leave.

it’s probably not even two weeks later when you are going to neville. he’s the head of gryffindor house and the one who made this arrangement. can’t he do something? the professor tells you that he chose you to team up with james sirius because he knows you can handle it on your own - and then he gave you some lame excuse about why james sirius needed the extra time, something about him about to be promoted to team captain at the end of the year or whatever.

and next class, for the little time that james sirius is working with you, he teases you about how you went to the professor. it annoys you to no end.

about a week later, you come down with a cold - madam pomfrey says a lot of it is due to stress, and while she gives you a potion to help you out, your still sick for two days. the day you get better, it’s the weekend and you get up early with the plan to get to the teachers before the quidditch game starts and ask beg them for less homework, or at the very least pick up what you missed. it’s early - almost everyone is still asleep, and when you walk out of the common room, you see..... james sirius potter? he asks if you’re alright - he heard you were sick for a couple days. you’re a little too tired for this, so you just answer his questions, no complaining. he then hands you a stack of parchment. “what is this?” “notes, for the classes you missed.” “oh.” “and i know how you feel about the rules, so i didn’t actually write you a herbology essay, but i did give you a good outline.” “oh.... thanks.” “’course.” and he gives you one of his awkward smiles and a solitary finger gun. you roll your eyes, but wish him luck in the game. he’s a little shocked, but you say it’s against ravenclaw, and their egos need to be taken down a peg.

and from there you are a little softer toward james sirius, but he’s still annoying as hell.

i have a very vivid idea of you having gone to a quidditch game, and gryffindor, of course, won. you decide to wait in the stands until everyone clears out, because it’s easier that way, and you want to finish your popcorn, anyway. james sirius has lingered on the pitch with the current quidditch captain, and when he sees that you’re one of the few still lingering, he goes up to meet you. he sits down next to you and steals a bit of you popcorn, which makes you roll your eyes, and he says something like “i didn’t expect you to wait for me.” “i wasn’t.” “sure.” and the two of you sit there for a moment, james coming down from the high of winning, sharing the remnants of your popcorn. it starts to drizzle and james uses his wand to make an umbrella, and the two of you start up a conversation about whatever - definitely not school related, and not even quidditch related, just something out of the blue. it’s not until all of the popcorn is gone and it’s raining in earnest that the two of you walk to the castle, james laughing at his own jokes and you smiling despite yourself.

i also imagine that, when the two of you become better friends, james sirius has a quidditch accident where he maybe breaks his arm or something. you get to go into mom mode, and james sirius teases you, saying that he “didn’t know you cared.” and it’s reminiscent of the dialogue above, but instead of denying it, you say “of course i do, you idiot.”

alright i went off (and now i want to write a fic about this) but i think the two of you would be really cute together because james sirius would love to talk with you about everything. he has a whole lot of siblings, and as the oldest is great at keeping conversation and he’s also actually really good at reading a room, despite what he may pretend. he would know when you’re feeling bad, and he’s also really good at accurately finding your insecurities and then boosting your self-esteem in exact ways.

and i also think that you and james sirius are music enthusiasts. if you are a pureblood, he introduces you to the wonders of muggle music, and if you are a half-blood or muggle born, you bond over your favorite muggle artists.

also, i have this headcanon that james sirius learns the guitar so he can be a certified heartthrob™ and no doubt he got the idea from you - you were in the hufflepuff common room just messing around, and he notices your guitar. maybe you learn together?

and while james sirius isn’t much of a reader, he loves movies more than anything else, so the two of you definitely have marathons.

Narnia:

I ship you with Peter Pevensie!

alright, the two of you would have the sweetest, most supportive relationship I’ve ever had the pleasure of writing

this one is a certified friends to lovers because from day one, the two of you get along really well together. even though peter is a little more extroverted, he’s the older brother and has a lot of introverted tendencies because he’s tired™

there is nothing that peter would love more than going on a walk through the gardens with you, talking about your interests - he likes to steer the topics to what you like to do because (1) he likes the way your eyes light up when you talk about what you love, and (2) he is tired of talking about himself. as king, he’s only ever talking about the problems he’s facing, or big problems that cover all of narnia. the smaller interests you have are his respite, his chance to have a bit of normalcy, as a high king.

you are also both hufflepuffs, so you’re fiercely loyal to those you love, and you’re both hard workers - stopping at nothing to do what needs to be done. you are both there to bolster the other in their efforts, but also get them to relax at the end of the day, since caring as much as you do and working as much as you do is the definition of exhausting.

you’re also the parent couple! we have peter, the dad friend (complete with the worst dad jokes you have ever heard. they’re even worse when they’re “king” jokes which are like dad jokes 2.0) and you, the mom friend! together, you make sure that your friends (and subjects) are well taken care of. and you act like stand in parents for edmund and lucy, which is not only exhausting but rewarding.

now, even though peter is a very affectionate person, more than that he’s thoughtful and the moment he realizes you don’t like that, he’ll stop. he’s more than happy to just be near you - reading books or pouring over documents with your input (because he definitely gets your input on issues of state). 

he also becomes big on getting you flowers or making you food (because headcanon that peter learns to cook in the cair paravel kitchens!). peter just has a lot of feelings, and as long as he has a way to express them, he’s good. 

he loves it when you give him praise, so whenever the two of you are stargazing and you compliment him, he blushes deeply. use this power wisely, because he will blush a deep red, and it’s a little awkward when he’s the definition of heart eyes in the middle of a privy council.

Newsies:

I ship you with Crutchie!

alright, so you and crutchie are, once again, a really sweet couple.

crutchie loves your way with words - you have a tiny notebook that he got you as a present, one year, and you are constantly writing poetry in them. you will often show him your work, and he’s astounded with your level of craftsmanship. he’s told you on multiple occasions that you should write one of those poetry books that he sees well-to-do men buy for those they love, and you get al bashful, one of his favorite looks.

also, both of you are dreamers. you definitely have lots of talks together, usually when you’re doing something absent minded like mending clothes or selling on the same corner, and you talk at length about what you want for this world, and what you hope to do in it. crutchie has a big imagination, and so do you. sometimes, the two of you see who can make up the best, most random story.

also! in a high school! au the two of you are the sweetest, most unsuspecting rule breakers ever. i mean, you’re friends with race and albert, after all, there has to be a chaotic streak in you somewhere. everyone is genuinely surprised when they realize that you and crutchie have snuck out of class and pulled the fire alarm before.

the two of you are also big readers. i imagine that crutchie likes mystery novels a lot. idk why, exactly, but he loves sherlock holmes, so the two of you not only read books together, but rate the different versions of sherlock holmes adaptations. (modern! au, of course, unless benedict cumberbatch is making tv series in 1899)

you debate over which of you is watson and which one of you is holmes. you’re both really smart, so it’s hard to say which one of you gets sherlock rights.

also, both of you are really good at hiding when you are hurting or in pain. and yet, both of you are also really good at spotting it in the other, seeing as you know the tells of hiding. i think you are both really empathetic and would be good with each other - leaning on each other when necessary and always being attentive of the other. all around, you’re a great match.

also, in a modern! au crutchie would love the percy jackson series. the two of you would riot over the terrible live-action movie and be very excited when the disney+ series comes out (here’s to hoping they don’t botch it)

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

Bitch Boss || J.HS

Pairing : Jung Hoseok X Reader

Genre :  Fluff, tad bit of Angst?

Summary : " Second thing you need to know? My name is Jung Hoseok, and you're mine."

Wordcount: 1.7k

[ A/N: Lmao guys, here I am. Stress writing while I could also be studying. But no. My shit ass just had to stress write for no valuable reason. Anyway, I had this idea with Hobi in a gang au for like two years already and here it finally is. Also, I didn't check my spelling lmao. Enjoy!]

The man in front of you seemed to think the same, because he gulped before chickening out.

You glared at the man in front of you. Hard. Very hard, in fact if glares could kill, the man in front of you would be lying dead on the floor.

" I'll just-" His voice cracked.

He swallowed before clearing it.

" My friend will talk to you." He said before leaving.

You rolled your eyes before going to inspect your nails.

It's been four hours.

Four hours since this rookie gang had caught you. You were pretty sure that you would have no problem getting out of here.

A new man entered the room while you were more intrested in your nails.

" So, princess. There's only a few things you'll need to know. First of all, you're not leaving this place. Ever. Or my side to be more specific." The man smiled.

Way too angelic you decided as you looked up from your nails.

Not leaving his side?

" Second thing you need to know? My name is Jung Hoseok, and you're mine."

-

It's been a few days since you've been living with Hoseok, and so far, so good.

Apparently he was part of Bangtan, one of the most feared gangs in South Korea, and he did not know that you were trained to be an assassin. He tough you were an ordinary girl with a big mouth.

" C' mhere." Hoseok opened his arms in expectations of you running into them.

You raised your brow at him, once again inspecting your nails.

" What is it with you and your nails? Want a manicure or something?" He asked.

You snorted.

" You don't understand women at all do you?" You asked sharply.

" Oh shit, are you on your period? What do you want me to do? I can get you chocolates and stuff. Maybe a heat pack?-"

" Let me go." You asked, more like stated as an order.

The shine in his eyes left, and his smile faded into a thin line.

" No." 

" That's what's wrong with you, Hoseok. Not me. You canmot keep a woman here and expect her to love you." You stated.

You would use your assassin skills, but you couldn't. No matter what happened, the most you would do is knock someone out.

The reason why you haven't full up attacked Hoseok yet was because you couldn't kill, you knew that he wouldn't let you go that easily anyway. And because you could see the hurt little boy underneath the layer of guns and bombs. You knew you had to think trough your plan of escaping.

Meanwhile the look in Hoseok's eyes softened.

" I'm sorry..... Come with me." He ordered and turned around.

Once he realized that you were still seated and not planning to get up anytime soon, he turned back to you and walked over, grabbing your hand and pulling you up.

" Where are we going?" You asked him.

" Training."

-

His training of that afternoon turned out to be much easier than you were used to. Apparently he decided that you should learn the basics for when things go south while he isn't around, you didn't complain about it. 

Today he was going to teach you how to use a gun.

A poor choice really.

" No, you're supposed to- Yeah, like that exactly. How did you know I was going to say that?" He asked.

You gulped but shrugged.

" Well, it's loaded already. Tey to hit the target." Hoseok told you.

Your eyes widen.

The thing was loaded?

An extremely poor choice really.

You turned the gun to him, pointing it directly over his heart.

Hoseok's eyes widen as he didn't expect the move.

" Y/N, don't play around with that. " 

Your eyes sharpened and clicked the safety off.

" Y/N, I'm serious-"

You managed to get him to shut him up by turning the gun and hitting the furthest target straight in the bulls eye.

He turned to look at it before turning back to you.

" There's something I haven't been really honest about Hoseok. I'm not as innocent as I look." You smiled coyly before putting the gun down on the table in front of you and walking away.

" Fuck that was sexy." Hoseok said as he watched you walk away.

He grinned to himself before shaking his head.

" Time to redo that background check."

-

It's been a few months since you've been with Jung Hoseok in his mansion. And suprisingly enough, you didn't hate it. In fact, you were slowly falling in love. It pained you when you realized it. It had started with the little moment back in the training session, and then he started letting you go around the property freely, and up till now he started downright spoiling you. You smiled as you tough of him. 

Your little moment was cut short however as the wall beside you exploded.

Literally exploded.

Your ears were ringing as you tried to get up, but your legs were giving up on you.

" There she is, experiment 0572." Someone said.

You were suprised to hear anything trough your ringing ears.

Your suprise was cut short as your eyes sharpened.

Experiment 0572.

The name you were given as assassin.

The name you had before you ran away.

Before Hoseok decided to take you off the shitty three jobs you had and decided that you were his.

The fear of losing of what you had now managed to get you up on your shaking legs, your hands balling at your sides before you threw the first punch.

A poor decision as you were weakened.

-

" Hoseok! We have serious problems!" Jungkook yelled ad he entered his office.

" Can't be more worse than this stupid gun which needs to be fixed." Hoseok grumbled back.

" It's about Y/N." Jungkook breathed.

Hoseok stopped with what he was doing and turned his full attention to the younger.

" She's taken from your house. I don't know all the details. Just that there was an explosion and these weird lookimg dudes were there and- I don't understand any of it. Just watch this, maybe you do." Jungkook said, slamming a sd cards onto his desk.

" It's the security tape from outside. Yoongi hyung's already searching for the van that appeared in the video." Jungkook said as Hoseok nodded, wasting no time and putting the sd card in his laptop.

The wall blew up and you were catapulted backwards. 

Hoseok sucked in a breath at the sight.

He was caught by suprise when he saw you get up.

" There she is, experiment 0572." A man smirked down at your form.

Hoseok looked at his screen in confusion, experiment 0572?

The man smirked at you and something inside you snapped as you threw a lunch at his face, he was quick to react , throwing a punch right on your sleep, effectively knocking you out.

" This is experiment 0572?" One of the other men in the room asked.

" She's stronger than she looks.I've seen it on tape. Now let's move it before whatever sugar daddy she has comes back home." The man who knocked you out said, and another man unceremoniously threw you in the back of the van.

Hoseok felt rage built up inside him by the sight of someone hurting you. He rewound part of the tape, taking a closer look at the logo on his jacket.

He smirked as he got a clear picture of the tiger on the back of the man's vest.

Hsg.

Hsg was a small rising gang, but not for long.

Because they obviously didn't do their homework right.

You might be some kind of expiriment to them, but you are overall Hoseok's.

And they will certainly not get away with taking what is his.

Hoseok smirked as he called Yoongi.

-

You woke up to the sound of screaming, as if someone was suffering.

A sound you hated.

The sight that came with it was a sight you hate just as much.

There's a lot of blood around you, and a few dead bodies.

Not a pretty sight.

Your stomach wad empty, but if you had any food in it, you were pretty sure that it would have been out by now.

" Princess?" You heard a voice call softly from beside you.

Your eyes lighten up in realization.

Hoseok was here.

He had actually come to save you.

You started mumbling trough the gag that was placed in your mouth.

" I know, I know. I got you." He said as he took the gag off you, holding you in his arms.

You started crying with closed eyes, you weren't sure when the last time was that someone held you.

You especially had never experienced the feeling of being held so secure before.

Your eyes opened again as you took sight of the man in doorway, it was the very man who had knocked you out.

Your eyes widened when you realized he was holding a gun in his hand, and it was aimed right at Hoseok's back.

With a shaky breath you took Hoseok's gun from it's holder.

You felt Hoseok still against you.

" Y/N-"

You clicked the safety off and shot the man.

Twice.

One bullet in both shoulders.

You didn't have it in you to kill him, you couldn't do it.

Hoseok pulled away from you, but didn't let you go.

He took the gun from you and shot the man straight in the head.

" I'll always have you. Thank you for having me." He  wishpered in your hair as he pulled you back into an embrace.

[kendrixtermina]

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

[misshollander1]

Gif credit to @parkery

Contains; small drabble of an 18 year old somehow catching Tom's eye and the thoughts he faces of finding her intruiging.

I never thought I would be in the acting scene. Especially since I hated being the center of attention. But something about being in front of a camera and playing a character made me feel somewhat safe.

I was able to be someone I always wanted to be and portray them in a way only I could and have people relate.

That's how it started at first. I acted in a few commercials and starred in the background during my years attending University, the small money I made being put away in order to help pay my tuition.

Next thing I knew, I had people asking who I was and if I had any social media. I was contacted by a previous person I worked with, them telling me their manager would like to work with me. I was quite young and my parents denied but I told them that if I could help make money in any way, I would take it.

So I took the job. Granted everything started off slow again, me being in the background and having small roles. It soon led to me being a supporting role and eventually, landing a role in the new Spiderman movie.

I was now eighteen years, four years younger than the male lead Tom Holland. I wasn't playing a love interest despite a few people I knew wanting one for his character.

I couldn't deny the role because, not going to lie, he is quite attractive and a total dork. But, I've always loved superheroes and it was a dream to star in one in any way I could.

I admit I was nervous, seeing as Tom's character Peter and I had quite a few scenes together and there was suppose to be some sort of interest towards one another to create some tension for the audience.

It didn't take a lot besides the director having us spend some time together to maintain a friendship so it was more believable on screen.

So here I am, an eighteen year old sitting across from Tom Holland himself and having a small lunch, each of us having prepared questions to ask one another.

"So, how long have you been attending University? How is it?" He asked, handing me a napkin.

"Thank you and uh, it's my first year. But since I got some financial aid to help me attend, I have to pay back a loan I borrowed. So far it's okay. I wish someone told me about time management because my first semester was completely horrid." I chuckled, opening the chopsticks nearby and stopping mid dip to choose a fork.

"You don't know how to use chopsticks?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I've spent hours practicing but I guess my fingers aren't meant to hold them." I sighed, twirling the noodles around my fork and stuffing it into my mouth. "Anyways, how is it being Peter? I know you get asked a lot but it's what I could come up with."

"Don't worry about it, darling. And I enjoy it. Like I've said in many interviews, I've always had a liking to Spiderman so being able to portray him makes it a dream come true." He laughs lightly

"Despite looking like a 12 year old?" I teased, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"Do people really say that? First they say I have a frog in my mouth and how I can't pronounce croissant. Now this?" He laughs a bit once more, his voice making me feel warm.

I won't lie and say I didn't have a crush on Tom. He is an amazing actor but the way he's such a dork and a goofball made me admire him and like him. I just wish he didn't call me darling because sWeEt JeSus that was attractive.

"So, besides that, is there a reason you chose acting? Is that something you're studying?" He asked, stuffing his face with the Chinese food we ordered.

"Not really. I'm majoring in psychology and thought about minoring in dance but there aren't many dance minors. I opted out for possibly minoring in English but it's not a for sure thing. But, I never acted in my life and the opportunity was given to me so I tried it."

"What do you like about it?"

"I guess being someone you're not. I understand a lot of actors contribute a bit of themselves into the roles they play but for me, I guess it's a confidence boost type of thing." I said, grabbing my water and taking a sip.

"Confidence? Explain." He asked, a small smile on his lips.

"I uh, I'm not that confident in who I am. I hate my body and who I am as a person. I'm high key a pessimist but choose to hide it and I am very easily manipulated. I guess being sexualized at a young age and being harrassed for four years made me feel even morr less of myself. So being able to play a character where I can include those struggles makes me feel like I'm not so alone. I hope that makes sense?" I said, furrowing my eyebrows and looking at him.

"Well, I can truly say you are a beautiful girl. I'm not just saying it. Everyone is beautiful in their own moments and from the moments I've seen you on camera, I can tell you radiate a light. I do see something in your eyes I haven't seen but that's what I find interesting about you. You were willing to be vulnerable to me and let me know how you feel in complete honesty, yet you hold something in those eyes of yours. They're beautiful if I may say once again despite them being the same color as mine but you get what I mean?" He said, clearing his throat and reaching for his own water.

I gave him a shy smile and nodded, the words he spoke making me happy. I have had people conpliment me and try to make me feel better about myself but the way he put things made me believe it the most.

"Aside from all...whatever this is," I smiled, reaching for a spring roll, "what is something you would want our characters to do? I've read the script and we seem to be doing these crazy things like a science experiment going wrong and it exploding in our faces, coating them in blue dust."

"I want us to do something in the rain. I could walk you home along with Ned and I guess all three of us have a heart to heart. Kind of like we did here." He smiles, looking at me and then avoiding his gaze.

"I think that would be nice. I could push you into a puddle and run away." I said smiling.

"I would tackle you then and there don't test me." He teases.

"Try me Holland."

Eventually, Tom and I got closer working on screen. I was only able to shoot during certain times due to my classes but I always made up for it, working on late work or doing homework during my lunch time or any free chances I got.

The other cast members would check in on me and bring me some snacks to keep me motivated and focused so I wouldn't be too stressed.

But there was one day where I was not understanding what was being said and it frustrated me to the point I slammed the book and cried into my hands, the stress overwhelming me.

I didn't hear the knock or the door being opened to my small portable but I did hear the swish of plastic bags.

I looked up and was face to face with Harrison, one of Tom's best mate.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. Tom told me to bring you some lunch but I guess I'll leave you be." He spoke, clearly embarrassed.

"Nono. Don't worry about it Harrison. I was just taking a small break from my work seeing as I couldn't understand it." I sniffled, wiping my nose and eyes.

"Maybe I can help? What is it?" He asked, setting the bag down near my books and taking a seat near me.

"It's physics." I sighed and he made a face.

"Why would you hurt your brain like that?" He asked, making me laugh.

"I thought it would be easy. It somewhat is but this topic is hard and I'm not understanding. I guess I'll email my professor for some more help if needed." I sighed, rubbing my face.

"Alright. I'm sorry I couldn't be much of help. But Tom made sure he got you your favorite, Chinese." He smiled, reaching for the bag and unboxing the takeout.

"That's really sweet of him. You guys didn't have to do that." I said, setting the box on my lap.

"Well he wouldn't shut up about it. He kept interrupting and asking if you had eaten and it took Zendaya to say she took you some breakfast and that was it." Harrison spoke.

"Mm well... When you go back to him. Tell him I appreciate his kindness. Also, thank you for delivering it. I haven't seen you around much as usual." I sighed, rubbing my left eye from any tears.

"Yeah. I've been running some errands of my own, listening to Tom gush on and on-"

My phone rang and I gave Harrison an apologetic smile, answering it.

"Hi Tom. No, I got the takeout. I appreciate it. Yeah no, he's here." He continued to speak until asking for Harrison, me looking and handing him my phone. "It's for you."

Harrison took it and spoke to Tom, casting glances my way every few seconds.

I set my takeout onto the side and regrabbed my Physics book, Harrison putting his hand out and stopping me before ending the call and handing my phone back.

"A scene with you, Ned and Peter is being shot soon so you're going to need to get ready." Harrison told me. I nodded and thanked him once more, waving goodbye as he left.

"Are you serious?" I asked, seeing the set design.

"Yeah! I talked Jacob into helping me get this scene and our director liked the idea enough to have us shoot it. He called for improvisation to see how it looks." Tom said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and smiling at me.

"This is so cool what the fuck." I said, earning a laugh from Tom.

We shot the scene and did as much improv as we could, Tom keeping his word and tackling me in the rain when I pushed him into a puddle and splashed Jacob, a huge 'come on!' escaping his lips.

"Cut! Great scene. Let's try it one more time and great job tackling her Tom. Make sure not to bruise her! And Jacob, great reaction!"

Jacob shook his head and laughed, handing me a towel to dry my hair off.

"I'm going to need a blowdryer or something." I sighed, the towel being worked on my hair.

"Why's that?" Jacob asked.

"It begins to curl. Like how it is now." I said, holding up a loose curl.

"I think it looks pretty." Tom spoke, ruffling the towel over his own curls.

"Thank you." I said, earning a wink from him and an eye roll from Jacob.

Filming was coming to an end and my screentime was becoming less and less which meant I was hardly on set.

But that didn't stop Tom from messaging me during his breaks to see if I wanted to get lunch or hang out with him and the cast.

I was walking to the lounge on set after one of my classes when I overheard my name being spoken.

I furrowed my eyebrows and listened, hearing Tom and Jacob speaking.

"She's eighteen isn't she?" Jacob spoke.

"She is. But I don't see that as a problem." Tom answered.

"What about the backlash? She's four years younger than you and people will find it weird."

"Oh please. There are women and men dating others more than half their age. Something about her intruiges me. I-I enjoy being around her. I can't explain the feeling being around her." He sighed.

"It's obvious you like her. We've all discussed it and even our director knows. Why else would he approve of that rain scene knowing it might not make the cut? He wanted to see the chemistry behind you both." Jacob explained.

"I do adore her and something about her is just ugh. I don't want to creep her out and feel like I'm preying on her. I'm not. I do like her Jacob." He admitted, silence following a bit after.

I was obviously shocked to hear the news because one, Tom Holland said he liked me,two, he said he liked me and three, he said he liked me.

But I knew where he was coming from. People would be quick to think he was being a creep and his fans would be hurt they weren't the ones catching his eye.

But I also wasn't so sure how I would be as a girlfriend. I have never dated and felt that if things wouldn't work out, I would be the reason why.

I don't know how to love myself and I feel like my anxieties and insecurities would get in the way after a while of hiding them so much.

I shook my head continued quickly to my destination, hoping they never saw me and knew I was listening in.

I eventually reached the limit and had to stop here! The rest is in my drafts so let me know if you would like a part two!

[mona-rei-is-not-okay]

Heya. I'm the sibling asker ! H/s = honorary sibling. Hope you're doing fine

i love deep friendship gimme gimme

and there are NO MAYBES YOU WILL HAVE THE BONUS BOY ALWAYS especially with cute asks like these omg i love

i don’t know too much about MT!Paps though, so i’m sorry if my interpretation is a lil wonky. also h/s is teen, sorry if it isn’t apparent

UF!Sans: He’s really concerned about your low mood spell, but isn’t really sure what to do about it. As much as he relates to your apparent anxieties, he doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better. He’s not usually good at comforting words. What he will do is check in a lot. Make sure you’re generally doin okay and have everything you need. Again, if you need to vent, he’ll listen.

But he really doesn’t get why the cuddles make such a difference. Sure, he’s become a bit of a cuddlebug himself, but the way you completely relax like that? Unnatural. Especially since it’s the only thing that seems to be cheering you up. But then again, who is he to question what works? He won’t exactly cling to you from then on, but he’ll start following you around the house a bit more, snagging every cuddle opportunity. It’s still a little weird, but it’s a lot better than seeing his kid sibling all skittish. Eventually though, curiosity gets the better of him, and he just has to ask.

And your answer?

Congratulations, you have floored your big bro. Beet red in the face. Absolutely no composure. What did he do to deserve your trust?? Why are you so sweet?? Aaaaaah?!? He pets your head and tries not to let you hear his wheezing, but it’s obvious, he’s really moved and has no idea how to deal with it.

“h-heh… watch where yer aimin’ that sweetness, kiddo… i’m gettin’ a toothache… jeez…”

Anyway, was he tailing you before? Welp, now he’s become your guard dog. It doesn’t matter where you’re going, he’s comin’ with you.He’ll always be by your side, gently holding your arm and keeping his head on a swivel for shifty characters. If you ever need to navigate a crowd or a tight space, he’ll usher you behind him and get you to grab the fluff of his hood while he leads the way. He can’t exactly follow you to school, but he’ll shortcut to walk you between classes if you let him. Your teachers hate him. He’ll stop following you everywhere if you fend him off with a stick, but until your mood improves… well, he’s your personal escort now, deal with it

UF!Papyrus: He’s always wanted a little sibling. He loves helping people, and shows love through physical care.He’s a bit of a mother hen. It’s part of why he took in his cat, Doomfanger. To him, you are an absolute blessing.

So he’s already got some huge maternal instincts, but your mood has got him sent into overdrive. He’ll always be asking you if you need anything, fixing you comfort snacks, asking if you need help with homework, doing a chore or cleaning a room so you don’t have to. It might feel naggy or get a little overwhelming, and he’ll dial it back if you tell him to, but his first instinct will always be to take care of possible stress sources directly. It helps him feel better, too.

So when you settle down to cuddle and just… completely deflate, he asks about it immediately. He must know. He must help.

And when you answer…

His face is deep maroon. If anybody else had said that, he would have dismissed it. But coming from you? Wowie. He feels like he’s succeeded as a caretaker. He’s about ready to squeal with joy, but he contains himself. Smiling from ear to nonexistent ear, he loops an arm behind you and pulls you closer. He tries to mask his joy with a confident air, but the grin betrays him.

“WELL! THAT’S… PERFECTLY NATURAL!! AS THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS HAS TAKEN YOU UNDER HIS PROTECTION!!!”

From then on, every time he starts an activity or chore, you’re invited. Help him put away groceries! Help him do laundry! Help him cook! Also, if you accompany him on errands, hand-holding is required.

“I HAVE TO KEEP TRACK OF YOU SOMEHOW! STOP GIGGLING!”

He just wants to make sure you feel safe. Even if it means walking you to and from school, fixing you lunches with positive sticky notes in the bag, and taking you with him everywhere he goes. It’s not cute!

MT!Sans: He’s not around as much as either of you would like, but he knows you’re feeling down. He remembers seeing his brother with such a similar look on his face. Young fool that Sans was, he started taking him with on small jobs to keep him company. And now Pappy deals in some of the same dirty business he does. He’s promised himself not to make the same mistake with you.

He does his best to help you take it in stride while he’s around, but he knows there’s only so much he can do. He feels a twinge of guilt every time he has to leave you in that state. He knows it probably doesn’t have much to do with him, but he feels responsible. Maybe if he were around more, or even just in a safer profession, you wouldn’t seem so worried all the time.

Cuddles are solace for both of you. He gets to relax and feel like he’s doing something, and you don’t seem half as rigid. Smiles all around! He already sort of knows why you relax so easily in his arms, or thinks he does, but he feels he should still make sure.

And…

Well, he didn’t know what he was expecting, but he can’t keep his grin from widening a touch. You’re the light of his life, you know that? Honestly, what did he do to deserve you? But the guilt sets back in. No wonder you’ve been feeling down… he’s been particularly busy lately, and he really should make more time for you. And if you didn’t normally feel safe, whose fault is that? Well… nobody feels safe in this part of town.

“well…” He’ll plant a small kiss on the top of your head. “take it easy, kiddo. i promise, someday, we’ll all get the hell outta here.”

He’ll get somebody to watch the house while he’s gone. He knows he can’t be there all the time, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t know you aren’t safe. He’ll call you more often to check in, too. Also… he’ll start putting a little extra away, start saving for a little vacation. Maybe some time out of town will do all of you some good. You’re family, and he’ll take care of you no matter the risk or cost.

MT!Papyrus: He’s around more than Sans is, thankfully. He sticks around to fix you meals and offer cuddles and make sure the house is safe. It’s given him plenty of time to notice one of his favorite siblings’ low mood.

He does his best to help out in indirect ways, checking the house for wires and cameras and sweeping the perimeter every so often. He knows this helps with his brother sometimes, when he gets paranoid. But he isn’t sure that’s your problem. He feels a little lost, but is upbeat as ever. He has to set a good example after all.

He most likely won’t ask about the cuddles for a while. He’s more concerned with what more he can do to make you comfortable, and if this works, it works. Besides- openly nosy folk are seldom rewarded in his line of business. Eventually though, he’ll push back the instinct. He trusts you, and this could make a lot of difference in helping you cheer up.

And when you tell him…

He’s beaming at you with such genuine joy, he looks like he might just start crying. Just… wowie! He doesn’t really understand why you’d feel that way, he’s only decent in crisis situations, but the fact that you really trust him that much? Well, it’s not something he gets a lot of. He must be doing something right if you feel this way.

He’ll rest his chin on your head and give you a hearty squeeze. “WELL! I SUPPOSE!! YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO STAY IN THIS HUG!!! FOREVER!!!!”

He won’t move for a while, get used to him, he lives there now. From then on, he’ll start taking every opportunity to come home early and see you. He’ll ask you to cook with him, he’ll ask you to read to him, he’d even try to sneak you with him on jobs if Sans didn’t always seem to stop you. He tries to be around the house more in general, he wants his little sibling to know that he’s always around if you need him.

HT!Sans: He understands your mood all too well. He’s been through plenty of periods of fear and depressive episodes in his day, and he knows how it feels. Sometime he feels like the only way he can perceive the world is either through an all-consuming fog or with painful knife-point precision. But it’s hard for him to think back to what he wanted during more desperate times. Food? Safety? He’s pretty sure you’ve got those covered already. Maybe your head just acts up a little sometimes, like his.

He’ll make sure you have everything you need, regardless. You hungry? Tired? He’ll take care of it, just you relax. If you need to talk, he may not understand or remember everything you say, but he’ll do his best to offer comfort.

It doesn’t quite register how much you relax when you cuddle him, not for a while. He can be a little slow sometimes. He’ll get it eventually though, and he’ll ask about it. This seems important, had he asked before?

And what you tell him…

It almost brings a tear to his eye. He may have a trauma-induced forgetful streak, but he remembers a lot of things. He remembers a lot of nasty, horrible things. He remembers the taste of human flesh. He remembers the strain of keeping his guard up at all times. He remembers watching his brother slip away.

But you? You’ve been his second chance. You gave him the opportunity to make things right with himself. A sibling he didn’t have to fail. He most definitely felt he didn’t deserve you or your trust... after all, he had eaten people like you without a second thought. But you gave your trust just as freely. 

“heh…” He ruffles your hair. “hope that works out for ya.”

He’ll do his best to be available for cuddles (not that he has much to keep him away) and he’ll try to take you with him if he has to go somewhere. He always makes an effort to ask about your day, if anything bad happened, if anything good happened. He doesn’t feel like he can do much, but he’ll do what he can to make things easier on you.

[ltleflrt]

Because I regard you essentially as royalty in terms of Destiel fic, can you maybe give us a basic rundown on how to write a fic? Or a detailed one, if you want. Like, what is your process? How do you plan it out? How/when do you pick a title? Because I've tried before to write multi-chapter fics and I just end up giving up on it because I either took too long between updates because ya know life and forgot things or because I didn't plan enough and no longer know what I'm doing.

Hold on hold on hold on...

*walks away for a minute and muppet flails*

Okay, I’m back, and thank you for the sweet compliment! :D

So, my process; I have one!  I didn’t used to think so, because it felt chaotic and without form, but as I’ve started helping other people with their writing I’ve started to see a pattern in how I come up with stories and make them happen.

Obviously the first step is the The Idea.  I get them from all over the place.  I’m a daydreamer, so sometimes they just pop up out of the blue, and in a lot of cases they’re inspired by some other media.  A book, a fic, a movie, a song... I think that’s pretty common.  I also have a tendency of looking at my favorite tropes (and I mean REALLY LOOKING, by consuming any and all of it I can find lol) and thinking to myself, “how can I flip that upside down?”.  

Kiss the Baker was the result of reading all the Gay Panic Dean fics I could find and reading them until I started wondering if there would ever be a universe where Dean didn’t have a gay panic.  

The idea for Satin and Sawdust came from the fact that I’ve written two fics tagged “Dean Thinks He’s Heterosexual” and it made me wonder why I never see any Gay Panic Castiel fics.  

Anyway, ideas come from all over.  And they’re fleeting, so I write them all down.  I have a huge list.  Whenever one of those AU lists comes around on my dash I copy my favorites into my list.  It’s very long lol.  Which is good, because sometimes I’ll come up with an idea like “I want to see Cas be the one who thinks he’s het this time” and get stuck.  Like wtf do I do next?

Answer: I refer back to The List.  Because sometimes I can pick out several of those ideas and smush them together.  I took Carpenter!Dean, and Dean Loves Wearing Panties from the list, and scrolled down until I found Veterinarian AU, and I start trying to connect the dots.

Remember in writing classes in Jr High and High School we were taught to make those bubble charts?  You write something in a bubble, and then branch off bubbles around it?  I do that in my head.  I start making things connect.  I cross out things that won’t fit.  I have a special file for whatever story idea I’m working on and it looks vaguely like an outline because it’s that list of ideas with notes for ideas, or snippets of conversation.  If I chat about it with my friends (almost always @jupiterjames) I’ll copy/paste those conversations into that file.  I’ll list songs... anything that gives me a feel for what’s starting to form.  If I have any title ideas they’ll go in there too.

Speaking of titles, THEY’RE HARD.  I hate them.  Occasionally something will pop in my head before I even start working on the fic, and I swear that angels sing when that happens.  But for the most part I have to brainstorm and brainstorm, and get advise from friends, and I google quotes about themes I think my story will encompass.  It’s a struggle.  My least favorite part of the writing process next to connecting large plot points lol.  But I’ve gotta have a title before I post it, so I’ll have something by the time I’m done with the first chapter.  

Just for funsies, here’s my notes file for Satin and Sawdust.

Anywho, that’s all the developing stuff.  I don’t actually go into the notes file all that much afterwards.  When I have big gaps between chapters I will, plus I’ll re-read everything I’ve written already.  But I hold quite a bit of that junk in my head. If you’re having problems remembering, make the file!  Visit it often!

Believe it or not, at this point, the story is still pretty nebulous.  I’ll usually have several directions the story can take at different junctions, and I don’t think too hard about them until I get there.  I think about my stories in more detail a chapter at a time.  I focus on a single scene, or the small group of scenes that are related enough to put in a single chapter.  I zero in on those details and forget about what’s going to come afterwards.  

Breaking down the larger idea into smaller chunks is the only way I can work myself through a 100k+ beast without going mad.  And honestly, I still drive myself a little crazy.  I have to stop looking at the big picture, or I’ll give up just because the idea is too overwhelming.

Once I’ve got a chapter done, then I take a few days and I start considering the cloudy visions in my head and pluck out the scene I think needs to come next.  It usually takes me 2-4 days of contemplation before I’m ready to sit down and make words happen again.  Writing a 4k-8k chapter takes me 2-3 days.  So between the contemplation break and the actual writing, I take about a week.  

Life definitely gets in the way sometimes.  When I was in the middle of Addicted To You, I had reconstructive surgery on my face.  I was doped up on super strong pain meds and couldn’t wear my glasses for almost a month.  So obviously I took some time off, and I was SO MISERABLE (seriously, don’t break your face, it’s the worst) that I couldn’t even think about the story, much less writing.  When I felt well enough to get back to it I re-read what I had already twice, plus went over my notes file, plus I listened to all the dirty sex songs I could find to get my mind back into the groove for it.  It felt like doing homework, but it was the only way I could remember wtf I was doing.  I’m sure I lost some of my initial plans, but that’s normal with any story I work on.  And it turned out okay lol

And last of all, find someone who’ll let you ramble at them about your stories.  Someone who will genuinely pay attention, not just nod and smile.  I did a lot of writing on my own, but a lot of my Dragon Age and Mass Effect fics wouldn’t exist without @hot-elf being my sounding board and cheerleader.  And same goes for my Supernatural fics and @jupiterjames.  I would probably have written just a tiny fraction of my stories if it weren’t for them.  Chatting about my stories helps me develop my ideas, and keeps me motivated.  When I’m stressed I’ll send a chapter to JJ with just a request to Validate Me! and she always knows how to talk me out of my angst.  I will talk out my ideas with other people as well, but they’ve been the biggest influences on my writing, so THANKS LADIES I LOVE YOU! 

Writing Buddies Are The Best.  

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say about my process.  I hope it answered all your questions and gave you some ideas on how to work on your own stuff.  And if you ever have an idea you want to talk about, feel free to send me chat messages :D