#anyway its been a week and looks like im not getting over it anytime soon

[shelby-fangirl00]

Empty Spaces-Part one

Warnings: (MINORS DNI, 18+), age gap, cheating, language, mutual masterbation

Im super excited to make a second part for this one. Please let me know what you think! Its means the world to me to see you guys comment and reblog my work! Enjoy!

Word count: 3055

—-

‘I refuse to let you make me as miserable as you are! Are you even fucking listening to me?!’

The muffled argument between Thomas and his wife became clearer and clearer as you made your way up the winding staircase. You knew that at any moment, one of them would come storming out, but you were admittedly interested in the family you worked for, especially Thomas Shelby. 

Thomas and his wife were constantly bickering at each other like this, it was nothing new. You stared up into the hallway, seeing the glow of their shared bedroom from underneath the door, shadows pacing back and forth rapidly. 

‘For Christ’s sake, then fucking leave!’ his loud demand carried through the hallway, like you were the one being scolded. 

You scurried down the staircase as you heard the door creak open. Before seeing who left the room first, you were already half way down the stairs. 

                                              

‘They’re at it again today. It’s only morning too. That’s a new record!’ Francis whispered from behind you in the kitchen as you were cleaning up after breakfast. 

You turned to give her a hushed giggle. This was a bit of a running joke at the Arrow House between some of the maids.  Everyone who worked here knew all about Mr. and Mrs. Shelby’s arguments. They seemed almost constant for the past few weeks. 

‘Yeh, it’s not stopping anytime soon, I bet, either. I’ll even bet ya it’ll start back up tonight too.’ 

‘Well, that’s not very fair betting, is it dear?’ She smiled in your direction before coming up beside you, helping you dry the wet dishes off. 

‘Francis…what is it that they’re always fighting about anyways?’ You asked reluctantly, still feeling curious of the mysterious and very handsome man you were working for. 

Without looking up from her working hands, she sighed out, furrowing her brows in frustration of the exhausting situation. 

‘Well, from what I can tell…Mr. Shelby is gone quite often, late in the night. And when he is here…well I suppose he tends to…neglect Mrs. Shelby…if ya know what I mean.’ She whispered again.

You tried to hold back a grin. 

‘So, he’s not fucking his wife?’ You blurted out, without thinking. 

Frances hit you playfully on the arm, pressing her finger to her lips to shush you. She couldn’t help but giggle along with you. You held your hands up in defense, stopping yourself from saying any more.

Just then, you both heard the front door shut. Almost as if she had been caught, Francis jumped up, startled. 

‘Would you mind getting his coat, dear?’ 

You gulped harshly and reluctantly sat down the damp dish towel to scurry towards the door. 

Thomas and you had only spoken a few times briefly, when you were first hired. Mostly, you took orders from Francis and Mrs. Shelby. 

‘Good morning, Mr. Shelby.’ You said softly, avoiding his eyes. 

He said nothing as he shrugged his heavy coat off. You took it from him before asking if there was anything he needed, still avoiding his eyes. 

‘That’s the most you’ve said to me since you’ve been here.’ He chuckled under his breath, making your face turn red in embarrassment.

You peered up at him, surprised that he even acknowledged your presence. He was staring back at you, waiting for a reply. 

‘Sorry about that, I’m a bit shy I suppose.’ You laughed softly, looking back down at the embroidered carpet that you both stood on.

‘Shy, eh? I wouldn’t have been able to tell. Not by the way you were talking with Francis.’ He said plainly, placing his hands in his pockets, standing a bit more defensively in your direction. You could’ve sworn his eyes dropped to your chest.  

You stared up, completely dumbfounded. Embarrassment and shame washed over you. You immediately recalled the specific comment you had just made about him not fucking his wife. You felt like crawling into your bed and hiding in the sheets forever. 

How did he hear that? Was he listening in on us secretly? Why was he listening to us?  You thought. 

‘Mr. Shelby I am so sorry. I-I didn’t think you were home and I-

It’s alright, love, doesn’t bother me. My wife on the other hand…I wouldn’t let her catch you talking like that. She’s under the impression that you are a well-behaved girl.’

Girl. 

The way he used the word to describe you was disappointing. You were newly 22 and Mr. Shelby was much, much older than you were, doubling you in age. You were just a girl to him. You secretly wished he didn’t think of you as a child. 

He began to walk towards his office, but the words practically pushed their way out of your mouth before you could think. 

‘Who said I wasn’t a well-behaved girl?’ You asked him, making him stop abruptly, obviously surprised that the help was questioning him. 

He spun around, with a devious grin on his face before he, more obviously this time, dropped his eyes to the curve of your body, letting his pretty blue eyes linger a little longer than expected. Your breath hitched as goosebumps covered your thighs. 

‘You’ve been working in my house for two months now. I know all about the people I choose to work for me. You come from a nice catholic family, right outside of Small Heath. You’ve got an older brother who died at the Somme. Parents still live close by. So don’t think that I haven’t had you figured out.’ He laughed, tilting his head slightly.

So many thoughts swirled around your mind. What the fuck did that mean? Had he been watching me? Did he know about my eavesdropping? He actually knew who you were? Was my attraction and curiosity towards him obvious? What else did he know about me?

Before you could even respond, he turned on his heels and strutted back to this office, obviously satisfied with the flustered state he had left you in.

                                        ----

‘Dear, Mrs. Shelby is leaving for a few weeks to visit family. I need you to help her pack her bags and bring them out to the front room to be loaded in the cars. Make sure she has enough for a month, just in case. 

She was leaving? And maybe for an entire month? This house was going to feel strange without all of the yelling between the two of them. Would Mr. Shelby even be around? Maybe he would be around more.

                                   -----

Over the next week, Mr. Shelby did in fact, spend more time in his home with his wife gone. It seemed eerily quiet though. He was always tucked away in his office. You both exchanged glances when you would pass by him in one way or another. You tried to hide your nervousness around him. 

One night in particular, your nerves were through the roof as Francis told you that Mr. Shelby asked for you in his office. You couldn’t think of why on earth he would want to meet with you, especially this late in the evening, when you were almost off for the night. Was he going to fire you?

You knocked twice lightly on the high doors of his office. 

‘Come in.’ You heard his voice boom through the door. 

With shaky hands, you reached for the handle of the door and pressed down, opening it to the dimly lit room. 

‘You asked for me, sir?’ You practically whispered, not daring to step a foot further into the room. 

‘Shut the door.’ He said lowly, not looking up from whatever he was scribbling down at his desk. Once he was done, he threw his glasses off his face and onto the papers in front of him, standing up. 

‘You drink whiskey?’ He said, walking over to the cart of liquor by his desk. 

‘Uhm…if you’re offering, thank you.’ You said as he was already walking towards you with a glass in hand. 

He extended his hand to give it to you. He watched your eyes as you took the glass and smiled softly. 

You threw back your glass, handing it back to him instinctively. He raised an eyebrow at you and chuckled, a bit surprised by your eagerness. 

‘Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Shelby?’ You said a little more clearly now, the liquid courage creeping through you. 

He studied your face, studied your actual voice without the shyness masking you. You studied him back too, examining his broad shoulders and chest through his button down. 

‘I saw you listening in on me and my wife’s conversation the other night. I came out of the room to see you running down the stairs. I guess I’m just curious as to why you’re so curious.’ He said plainly as he handed you another glass. 

Your stomach dropped as you had been caught. You sank back the drink again, before answering.

‘I-I’m sorry sir, I had no right.’ You whispered, looking down at the floor. 

‘I’ve also seen the way you watch me, like you’re curious about me, too. Are you?’ He asked. 

‘I…I suppose I am, yes.’ You couldn’t stop yourself now.

He closed the space between you both, standing chest to chest. 

‘How old are you?’ He breathed out, lust dripping from his voice. He pushed the hair from your face behind your ear. 

’22.’

He held back a low groan, searching your face.

‘So, what are you curious about? Don’t be shy…I’ll know if you’re lying.’ He sternly said, making your back straighten. 

You were curious about everything. Growing up in Small Heath, you had always known of The Peaky Blinders and the infamous Tommy Shelby (before he became this fancy politician).

But you knew nothing of who he really was. But the question that burned deep down inside of you was the one of his marriage. 

‘Is it true…about you and Mrs. Shelby?’ You let the words fall out, there was no turning back now.

He chuckled lightly, seemingly knowing you would ask.

‘My wife and I haven’t been together in a very long time.’ Confirming your deepest suspicions, he knew exactly what you were asking.

‘Why not?’

His eyes bored through you as he was deep in thought.

‘That is a question that couldn’t be answered in a night.’ Obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore. 

You stood in silence for quite some time. 

‘I think it’s my turn for you to answer a question.’ 

You swallowed harshly, as you decided to pass him to pour yourself a third drink before he asked. He giggled at your nervousness. 

‘Are you a virgin?’ His voice raised in question, hands stuck behind his back. 

You nearly choked on your drink as he asked this. You coughed out as you set down the glass. 

No, you weren’t a virgin, technically. You’d been with one boy back home before and it was disappointing, to say the least. You had never told anyone about it though, nobody had ever asked. 

‘Is that what you think?’ You said sarcastically. 

‘A bit, yeh.’ He smiled shyly.

‘No, I’m not. Some boy from back home said all the right things one night, I suppose.’ You looked down, immediately embarrassed by your honesty.

‘So only once before?’ 

‘Yes.’

‘Hm.’

                                    -------

You excused yourself from the conversation shortly after, practically running to your designated room upstairs. You quickly closed the door behind you, plopping face first into your pillows. He knew exactly what he was doing to you and it was working. He had you so worked up that you had to excuse yourself. You stopped yourself from confessing everything you wanted him to do to you. You thought about his voice, the sinful things he could whisper to you. The image plastered in your head of him undressing you and relieving the built-up tension between your legs. 

You involuntarily let your legs fall open, hiking up your small black dress. 

Your hands fell between your legs as you imagined his beautiful face in the darkness of your room. You moaned out softly as your fingers frantically rubbed the swollen nub that rested above your folds. Your fingers were soaked wet as you collected the slick coming from your tight hole. 

Getting lost in the heat of your thoughts, you pulled the top of your dress down to expose your hardened nipples, squeezing them harshly, drawing a whimper from your mouth. You wished your own hands were Tommy’s.

From the other side of the hall, Tommy walked by your bedroom door, stopping as he heard muffled sounds coming from of the other side. In a childlike way, he pushed his ear up to your door, hearing more clearly the types of moans you were releasing from inside, making it obvious to him what you were doing on the other side of the door.  

He smiled slightly, knowing that he was the reason behind this. His cock hardened from beneath his pants as he listened to you moan out. 

Too lost in your own thoughts and chasing your orgasm, you hadn’t noticed your door creaking open and shut as Tommy had entered the darkness of your room. 

He watched you in your most vulnerable state, palming himself through the fabric of his own pants. Your panting quickened as you became closer to the edge. Your right hand rubbed your clit frantically, legs fully spread open, while your other hand squeezed and pulled at you exposed nipple. 

‘Oh fuck…Thomas please….’ You quietly cried out to yourself, not realizing the one you called out for was standing right in front of you. 

‘Yes?’ Said a low voice from in front of you. 

Your eyes shot open as you jumped up, clenching your legs together and gasping loudly, you frantically covered yourself up. 

‘What the fuck are you doing here?!’ You yelled out, face flushed with embarrassment.

‘Please don’t stop on my account.’ He giggled, coming closer to the bed, you could see his face more clearly now. 

The liquor from earlier became warm in your stomach again as your body filled with excitement. 

‘W-What?’

He stood above you, without saying a word. He slowly unzipped his own pants, slowly releasing his hard cock from his pants. Your mouth fell open in surprise at the length of him. You couldn’t even fathom what was happening. 

‘I said…don’t stop.’ His voice dripped with lust as his eyes searched yours before they fell between your legs, signaling you to open them again. 

Without thinking and caught up in the fuzzy feeling in your head, your legs slowly fell open, exposing your glistening center to him. He groaned in satisfaction as his cock twitched in excitement. 

He came up beside you and held out his open hand in front of your mouth. You looked up at him in confusion. 

‘Spit.’ His thick accent sent a shiver through your spine as he commanded you. 

 You looked up innocently at him as you spit into his large hand. As you did, he licked his lips. ‘Good girl. Now keep rubbing that little pussy for me, ok?’ He said softly from above me. 

You shook your head yes as your hands fell back to your clit as he brought his wet hand down to stroke his own cock, watching the movements you made between your legs.

You looked up at him longingly as he stroked up and down his cock, his head falling to his shoulder to get a better view of you. 

 ‘That’s it Love, just like that.’ He panted out roughly, shooting sudden shocks of pleasure through you.

Feeling more confident from his encouragement, you sat up, pulling your dress above your head, now completely naked. He panted softly as you did. You scooted to the side, spreading your legs open again right in front of him, allowing him to marvel at every inch of your body. 

‘Such a pretty little cunt, all soaking wet for me…’ He sighed as his strokes became more rapid. His knees hit the side of your bed as he loomed over your naked body, your knees rested against his tight stomach. 

Your walls clenched onto nothing, longing for him to fill you up. 

You reached down with your other hand to slowly stick two fingers into your pussy. You pumped them in and out with ease as you continued to work at your clit. You were so close to your release.

‘Fuck Tommy…I’m so close.’ You moaned out, squeezing your eyes shut in pleasure, focusing on that feeling. 

‘I am too…wait for me love. I’ll tell you when to come.’ He instructed, using his other strong hand to grip your warm thigh. 

The contact set your body on fire. You didn’t know how much longer you could hold on. 

‘Shit, Tommy…. Please let me come, please…’ You whimpered as you watched his strokes become sloppy, the tendons in his forearms and biceps flexed as he started to come undone. 

‘I’m gonna come all over you. Come all over this needy cunt of yours, yeh?’ He panted.

Your walls clenched down and your back arched up as you came hard around your fingers. Your insides filled with a warmness that you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Just as you did so, Tommy came all over you, ropes of his hot liquid splattered across your heated mound and your bare tummy. He marveled at the sight of himself covering you in his release. His mouth hung open and his eyes never left your body. 

You sat up on your elbows, watching as he did so. 

His hand reach down to collect some of the mess onto his large finger, bringing it to your mouth. You sucked and tongued at his finger, making him groan again and his cock twitch once more before softening. 

‘You did such a good job for me.’ He whispered into your ear and he leant down to kiss your exposed neck, sending a shiver through you again. He pecked at your skin lightly before pulling away. 

He adjusted himself into his pants plainly as you laid there, still naked and covered in cum. You were too stunned to move.

He smiled down at you, studying your eyes and the state he had left you in once more before reaching for your door knob. 

‘I’ll see you in the morning, love.’ He exclaimed with a wink before shutting the door behind him. 

[kumezyzo]

yea idk. this is the q&a metioned in this post. 1.5k words... and its all bf!sapnap 😁😁

the spaces between questions are supposed to indicate that a little time has passed, like a cut that would be in a video.

shout out to 🐬 anon for helping me with some of the questions! theyre absolutely amazing 💜💜

anyway, enjoy! or dont.... :) m.list

you and nick sat infront of your desk, both of you going through your phones, making sure you have the questions you both picked out from the responses on your tweet.

you put your phone down and set up your recording. nick reached over, keeping his eyes on his phone, placing his hand on your thigh. it was almost like second nature for him to then start rubbing his hand up and down your thigh.

you pause for a moment, your camera recording. you looked at the moniter that showed you what your camera was seeing. at the very bottom, nicks hand was clearly in your lap, moving slowly. the sight made butterflies flutter in your stomach for a moment.

"you ready?" you ask, looking over at your boyfriend, your eyes darting to the hand on your thigh before looking back up.

"mhmm..." he hummed, double checking one last time before looking up and smiling at you.

"okay then..."

"hey, guys! so, we're finally doing that q&a that we said we might do during our announcement video!" you said, smiling into the camera. "we- well, I tweeted out 'ask questions for a couple q&a' which is kinda cringey but gets the point across!" you laughed awkwardly.

"yea, i mean, to be fair, we just needed something to get people to ask questions," nick said shrugging comically by lifting his arms.

"yea..." you said trailing off. "okay lets start!"

'when did you start dating?'

you read the question out loud, looking up into the camera, "a few months ago. this past november," nick nodded in agreement.

"that kinda goes with one of my questions 'how long did you guys like eachother before you started dating?'"

"oh.... umm..." you trailed off, thinking back to a few months ago when you both started talking.

"ive liked you since the first moment i saw you," nick said dreamily making you shake your head with a snile.

"shut up," you said with a giggle. "i think it was maybe a few months before then... august, september-ish? i think by then it was less of a platonic relationship if im honest."

you looked over at nick, to see him already staring at you. you smiled at him in confusion, tilting your head slightly.

"i think i liked you before then. i always thought you were really pretty. and like you were funny and nice. it just changed for some reason," he said looking into your eyes softly. "and im glad it did..."

you let out a soft breath in surprised confusion. you looked back at the camera and tried to hide your smile.

"phew... okay your turn to read a question!" you said, trying to shift the tension.

"i just did, peaches," he said nonchalantly. you looked into the camera, your eyes widening for a second before you tried to hide the flustered look on your face.

'what did the dream and george think when you told them you were dating?'

"dream already knew i was going to ask you out the night it happened. i had been talking to him about it a lot and he had kinda been telling me to just get it over with," nick said, looking at you as he spoke.

"poor guy," you said shaking your head. "he had to hear about how much you were falling in love with me." you said, flipping your hair.

"yea, he did get tired of hearing about it," he said laughing. "and george just kinda knew, i guess."

you laughed, "he texted me like a week before we officially started dating. he asked me 'are you and sapnap dating? or is it going to happen anytime soon?' and didnt know what to tell him."

'who asked out who?'

you raised your eyebrows at him in amusement once he read the question, "you should answer this one, lover boy."

nick chuckled softly and smiled. "i asked her out..."

you waited for him to continue before you realized he wasnt going to. "oh, come on," you scoffed. "okay, he called me super late at night and-"

"no! they dont need to know all of that!"

"and he basically told me that he loved me and that he wanted to be my boyfriend."

nick groaned as his face began to turn red. you grinned at him and gave him a peck on his cheek. he playfully shoved you away as you giggled.

'do you have nicknames for eachother yet?'

"just babe and baby, really..." you said, trying to recall anything youve called him aside from his name.

"same for me... and i call you peaches," he says, failing to hold back a grin as he looks at the way you shake your head.

"and mamas-"

"okay! next question!" he cut you off, causing you to let out a loud laugh.

nick looked at the camera mischievously as you waited for him to ask the next question.

'favourite position?'

"i think mine would have to be cowgirl," he says nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on his phone as he answers.

your eyes widen at him before your hand shoots to cover your mouth in shock. you turn to stare at the camera, speechless as you lean foreward and rest your elbows on your desk, covering your face in embarrassment.

nick giggles loudly, his face turning a deeper shade of red as he watches your body shake in embarrassed laughter.

"what is wrong with you?!" you yell, your voice slightly muffled by your hands.

he let out a similar high pitched laugh as he got up from his chair and covered his face in embarrassment.

you turned your face in your hands to look at him as he shook his head at you, a groan leaving both of you.

"im keeping that in."

"no youre not!"

"i have to!" you said laughing at the way he shakes his head at you. "youre the one that said it!!"

"but your not supposed to-" he groans, "dont put it in!"

"its going in!" you bleeped him saying which position in post

'is yn moving into the dream team house?'

nick looked at you, not knowing how to approach answering your question.

"i think it would make sense in terms of me being the 'honourary dream team member'," you said with air quotes. "but i dont think i will be moving in." you finish with a smile and looking back down at your phone to find your next question.

"wait you dont want to move in?" nick asks, looking at you in confusion with his head tilted slightly.

"thats not what i said," you said with a confused smile.

"so why dont you?" he asked, this time more as an invitation.

"wha- i mean-" you stammered trying to think of a way to make sense of what just happened. "you want me to?"

"of course i do," he smiled.

he leaned in and gave you a peck on your lips. you smiled and your eyes darted down to his lips again. you licked your lips subtly before leaning back in and kissing him longer this time.

nick reached his hand up to hold the side of your neck as he deepened the kiss. he licked your upper lip, causing you to lightly part them. he took that as a chance to pull on your bottom lip and lightly suck on it before pulling away from you completely.

he pulled away and licked his lips as he nonchalantly pulled out his phone to find his next question.

you looked at him speechlessly and flustered. if you looked close enough at his phone, youd notice he was staring at his home screen, also trying to compose himself. you were just trying to make a mental note to cut that out of the video. you did dw

'why did you decide to announce it now?"

"i think it was just that it felt right," you said, shrugging. "we have been officially dating for like five months-"

"technically four,"

"no?"

"baby, yes,"

"nick, if it was the end of november-"

"its not even a week of november that we dated!"

"and then the entirety of december, january, february, and now the end of march?!"

"thats four months, baby. and maybe a week!" he said waiting for you to do the math in your head. your eyes darted around as you thought for a second. then you pursed your lips and looked away from both nick and the camera in embarrassment.

"I'll still love you dont worry," nick said, reaching back over to your thigh and giving it a soft squeeze.

"shut up," you said rolling your eyes.

"wait, have a question," nick said as you were about to say your next one.

"okay," you said, unsuspecting.

'how many times a week do you have sex?'

"nick!" you look at him in disbelief.

he giggles mischievously, "it really depends on the week, sometimes its every-"

"okay! thats all we need for today!"

"isnt it 'all we have for today'?" he asks with a smirk.

"no today, its all we need," you glare at him. "im done with this q&a," you say as you shake your head.

"thank you guys so much for watching! i hope you enjoyed? dont go subscribe to him! but definitely subscribe to me!" you say with a smile on your face.

"what why?!"

yea idk if i like this much, its kinda bad. i hope you enjoyed. comment, request shit, like. idk 💜 -nony

[rumpelree]

heyyyy, I JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE YOUR WORK AND YOU R VIDS OMGGG

i dont have a google account so i cant comment on ur videos BUT THEY ARE JUST SO SCRUMPTIOS THE HOT TO GO ONE??

TEH DETAIL OF MICHAELS LOCK SCREEN BEING A FOX? HOT TO GO PLAYING AS IT BURNS DOWN?? HENRY APPEARING AND THEN LEAVING? AND THE DOOR SHUTS?? SPRINGTRAP BEING LOCKED AWAY???? THEM STANDING AT THE GRAVE/THAT ENDING THINGS??? THE SCENE WHERE THEY ARE DANCING AND WILLIAMS HANDS/MOUTH/EARS ARE BLOODSTAINED??? THE RING REMINDING OF THE CHILDREN AT HOME/HIS BURDEN AND IT COMING OFF???

AHHH I CANT BRO I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTSSSSS AHH

also whos journal entry is it? its williams right? and thge she mentioned- is that ms. afton or charlie? i could see it either way tbh

ALSO UR DEVIL TOWN ANIMATIC I MUST HVAE WATCHED IT TEN TIMES ITS SO GOOD THE WAY YOU DRAW MICHAEL IS SO AMAZING, THE FORESHADOWING, THE CRACKING/TEARING OF OLD DRAWINGS, THE JOURNAL ENTRIES, WILLIAMS RING FALLING OFF, MICHAELS HANDRITING GETTING WORSE, HIM LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR, THE RABBIT BEING CHOPPED IN HALF BY HIM HOLDING THE AX, YOUNGER HIM WEARING A FOX SHIRT AHHH

one final question- in ur au, does william kill his wife? bc it seemed to me like he did but i could also be wrong yk

ive loved ur animatics and they are so good ahhh anyways sorry for my unhingedness i love your work and please keep posting im begging you

HIHIHI OMGOMGOMG THANK YOU SO FRIGGIN MUCH IVE BEEN REREADING THIS OVER AND OVER THIS JUST MADE MY WHOLE WEEK!! 💕

EEEEHEHEEHEEE IM SO HAPPY SOMEONE NOTICED ALL THOSE LITTLE DETAILS I PUT THEM IN THERE WITHOUT KNOWING IF ANYONE WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE NOTE OF THEM AND ITS SO NICE TO HAVE THEM NOTICED GRAH- As for your questions, the journal entry is William’s!! I was originally not sure if I wanted the SHE to be Mrs Afton or Charlie because either way it worked, but I decided it worked better if it was Charlie!!

In my AU, Will does end up killing his wife, during an argument! :3

THANK YOU SOSOSOSO MUCH FOR THIS I’ve been squealing over this with joy since you sent this ask in, I appreciate stuff like this so much and I really appreciate the support! 🩷

I’ll most definitely keep posting and don’t see myself stopping anytime soon!! >:D

[dustvoid]

05.07.24

thought I would not write in journal for a change. feeling so flat and defeated at the moment. so lost and frustrated and overwhelmed. underestimated how hard it would be here. still can't find a job and think I just chose a bad time with the election and it being summer and the market is slow. I just don't want to waste anymore time any money being here without a job but I don't want to go home and have it all be for nothing. I don't want to have come here for nothing. I'm really making a dent in my savings and it's starting to stress me out. I hate worrying about money but ive only been here 6 weeks and ive spent so much already. I know majority has been on rent which is astronomically expensive, but I had hope id maybe have some money coming in by now. I know I can't call it yet, but if I don't have a job by the time this sublease ends I will have to. I can't just spend all of my savings living here but sitting around and doing nothing. waiting. I hope it doesn't come to that because at this point id probably do anything. funny how a few weeks ago I was the opposite. but desperate times. its rainy and gloomy. a rainy summer. which I think is not really helping my mood, but at least I don't have to feel bad about staying in.

I thought that back home a lot of the gay community held themselves to high standards but over here it is something else. back home you can have an average to fit body but here I feel like you can't be gay if you aren't fit. I havent felt this low about myself in a long time. you never really notice it until you start looking back and reflecting. I know that bodies change and that's inevitable and the pandemic didn't help either. before it all happened I was stick. I was probably too skinny. a couple years in I was still quite slim, and then the last few years my body has changed a lot. I'm glad in some part because I do want to be stronger, and I have filled out a bit, but I only really noticed how bad body dysmorphia can be. I know I'm not big or overweight but I have too much body fat for my bmi. I know it probably happened in the pandemic because naturally we werent moving as much and lots of people were in the same boat. but I think my metabolism is shot. my diet has not helped either. I am a bored eater. I love to snack when I'm bored and it's a terrible habit. I don't really eat when I'm sad or for comfort, but I will eat anytime when I need something to do. and now I just feel like I'm paying for it and I feel even less comfortable in my skin. I have never been that confident but now it feels worse. I am trying to change it. I have signed up for personal training and I just had my first week but I have no idea how im going to afford it, especially if I don't get a job soon. realistically I shouldn't have done it because of my financial situation, but when I saw I was at risk because of my body fat I felt like it needed to be done. I want to look good and I'll admit that openly. I do want to feel good as well. I'm trying to change my diet and snack less. I think I have been walking at least 10k steps a day so it's a bit disappointing that I dont feel or look any different. which could be from my diet before I changed it. diet is so important and I wish I could have just changed that earlier. but I am starting now. its sad but I feel like ill have more of a chance meeting someone in better shape. its just how the world works. its not like I can't meet guys now, but you are treated better when you are fit and you attract more guys, its how it is. at the moment I feel like the guys that like me I'm not interested in and the guys I like are not interested in me. but who knows why really. its just that pretty much every gay guy here has a decently fit body and I feel like I need to change to at least have some chance. ive always wanted to improve my fitness anyway. if I can improve my diet and follow the training then I should be on track to lose a good percentage of body fat in 4-5 months. which at this rate is not long at all. time is moving so fast, soon it will be my birthday and June will be over. I will probably spend my birthday alone but it's only my 28th birthday. maybe I can take myself out to somewhere nice. if it was on the same day as my netball game I could've at least asked some of them out for a drink after, but sadly its the next night and I don't know if I will feel close enough to any of them by then to ask. I was hoping id at least have someone by now, a flatmate or friend to hang out with. it's just another day, kind of how ive always felt about them anyway. I think my plan is to return home before my and all my friends 30th birthdays in 2 years. which is wild to think about. of course this could change and I have no idea what will happen until then, but I think 2 years is a reasonable amount of time. a lot can happen in 2 years.

-H.

[majoringinsarcasm]

He’s gonna be rude about the gift, about Penny’s sword, and Ruby is gonna be pissed isn’t she? Guess this has become a running commentary fjdjdndnd

HE KICKED IT?!?!?! BITCH???? RUBY BOUT TO THROW HANDS WITH A TEN YEAE OLD AND SHES JUSTIFIED

THEY WERE EXECUTED??? BRUH

ITS THE SHOT FROM THE FIRST TEASER WAAAAHHH

So it’s like a combination of Chess, bc of the term Pawn, and checkers, bc of the movement? I know you take pieces in each game but I’m less familiar with how chess works

Also those poor white and gold ones look so battered they look like little salt shakers 🥺

Something something Ruby is once again tasked with leading her team to not just victory but also safety only now they are Her Pawns. My girl is not catching a break anytime soon is she?

Little. I love Little so much.

YANG GIRL FRJDBJDJDNDJD HES ALREADY DOWN

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH THATS SUCH A DEEP BLUSH OH MY GOD SHES SO RED HAVE WE SEEN A BLUSH THAT DEEP BEFORE

The white team has been beaten down not just in skill but also in team moral. It looks like they aren’t patched up after the games or replaced which is why they’re so dirty and broken. They’re used to losing so they want to get it over with. But team rwby being so confident in themselves and Ruby’s leadership in this moment make the pawns believe in her too and that’s what’s giving them the guts to fight back with their full power again.

Pardon me as I weep

…… so I’m gonna guess that some humans before them killed the red king and also like fucked shit up in the Ever After. But I’m not sure if it’s Neo and Jaune or other humans.

AHHHHHH TINY BUMBLEBY WRECKING BALL MOVE HAHAHAHAH

Also yes I loved this OST in the trailer it’s so fun

WAIT LYRICS AHHHHHH CRUNCHYROLL WHERE ARE THE FUCKING SUBTITLES ok wait so. They are selected. But for whatever reason the only ones that aren’t working are English the ones for other languages seem to be working so. MAYBE MEXT WEEK the English ones will work? Has this been a problem for English dubs on CR before I’m so confused

Also even tho they are tiny rn how helpless must Ruby feel without having her weapon. She can’t catch a break even in the tiny-verse I’m

Blake running to help Yang and getting punched back I’m gonna scream. If anyone says “she’s too focused on her it’s why she got hurt” but still calls Bees queerbait I’m gonna block them so hard their internet crashes

IIM CRYING ITS THE GAMBLE SHROUD SLINGSHOT HOLD THING THAT THEY DID IN V1 WHICH I THINK THOSE TWO EPISODES WERE CALLED PLAYERS AND PIECES IM GONNA SCREAM

THEY ALMOST FELL TO THEIR DEATHS WHAT THE HELL

Sorry the cat is very distracting but it sounds like. We gotta make a change bc it’s time for a change

LMAFOOOOOO NOT CURIOUS CAT WHO LOVED TO ASK QUESTIONS

RUBES 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I think that’s the first time we’ve ever heard a nickname for any of them aside from Klein calling Weiss his little snowflake 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Hi Neo

So. My question is. Did she fall WAAAAY after the others, or did she fall at the same time and we are seeing like a flashback?

WHERE IS MY BOY JAUNE

Uhhhhh is she doing this on purpose or is her semblance going haywire?? She looks a little surprised

Anyway that fucking ruled it’s stupid how good this volume is it was 100% worth the wait we have Neo now all I personally need is MY BOY JAUNE WHERE IS HE IS HE LOST FOREVER LIKE CRESCENT ROSE

[caeli0306]

also a life update:

first, i am putting Swan Song on a TEMPORARY hiatus. ive been really struggling with this story, and i think some time away will help me get my inspiration back. the next two chapters are big pivot points, and i want to make sure i do it justice, which is a large reason why im putting it on pause until im certain i can write them the way they deserve to be. SS will probably return once i am settled in my new home in a month, and have reviewed the outline and had time to really think about how i want the story to progress from here!

second, i am not sure what the update schedule for castles crumbling will look like over the next few weeks. i graduate from college in less than two weeks (eek!) and my new employer is flying me out to my new city to finish up my housing search this upcoming weekend. between my final projects, continuing to get over my illness, and all the craziness associated with graduating, im not sure how much time i’ll have for writing. i’m hoping i can get most, if not all, of chapter 3 written today (which isn’t a stretch — i write a lot of my chapters in one sitting too) but since im still technically sick i may need to take it easy.

i have been blown away by the reactions to my writing since i took up writing fanfics back in February to get over my book hangover from IF. i want to say thank you to all of you that are always in my AO3 comments, especially those of you that have been with me since the first few chapters of Swan Song and those of you who have offered to read my chapters before i post. im not exaggerating when i say i write these stories for yall. yes, i love these stories and characters and love writing them, but at the end of the day i post these online because i want other people to love them too. nothing gets me through a tough week like knowing that no matter what, i have a small group of people who will always appreciate the work i do. as a newspaper journalist by day that spends a lot of time investigating powerful people and institutions, i get a lot of hate for my writing, so having people that love it is a blessing i don’t take for granted.

fr tho i know i post a lot but putting updates on my progress out into the open helps keep me accountable so i sincerely apologize if it’s annoying but its not going to stop anytime soon lol

anyways tldr: i love all of you immensely and your support of my work doesn’t go unnoticed. my favorite part of posting any chapter is waking up to see yalls reactions and theories and whatnot. that was especially so today, after being so sick this week and stressed about college stuff stay tuned for chapter 3!

chapter 2 of castles crumbling turned out way better than i thought after i reread it this morning. we got chapter 35 of sitq and the next chapter of truth & talon. i am EATING today folks. god i love this fandom

now im sitting down at starbucks to write chapter 3, stay tuned for lil blurbs :)

[ohmnnnezz]

it’s getting hot in here

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

how to fake date your best friend | jake sim

✰ summary: the rules were simple -

pretend to be the boyfriend of you, his best friend who wants the attention of their crush, for a week and a week only

no kissing (bc gross cooties amirite) allowed, unless needed in times of desperate measure 

and no matter what, absolutely, most definitely, do not fall in love. 

simple, right?

well apparently not. because news flash––jake's already broken one of the rules. 

and to give you a hint, it's neither rule 1 or 2.

✰ pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. members of enha!] 

✰ genre: fluff, comedy | fakingdating!au, highschool!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers

✰ warnings: cursing, high-schoolers doing dumb highschool things, underage drinking (pls don’t actually do any of this irl), jake being a certified simp, it’s LONG (i’m so sorry), cheesy kithes bc im a sucker for kithes ( ˘ ³˘)♥

✰ wc: a whopping 9.5k

✰ a/n: it’s finally finished :’)))))) it ended up being much longer than i wanted but i had so much fun writing the characters that i got carried away lolol anywaysss i hope you guys enjoy it,,,i got a little unmotivated during the process bc i didn’t know if it was good or not but here it is heh (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ 

Tuesday, December 8th

Jake Sim lives a simple life. 

He likes to think he leads the normal, stereotypical life of a teenage boy. Has decent grades, plays soccer after school, skateboards around the neighborhood, has a best friend who he’s desperately in love with, and has a stable group of friends. 

Okay, maybe not so simple, because this boy would physically launch himself to the moon and drill at its surface to collect moon dust for you if you asked him to––despite his deadly fear of combusting in outer space. 

But that fear doesn’t even compare to his worst one yet: not having you in his life. 

And so, he decided to just repress any and all feelings he’s had for you ever since he discovered them in middle school, when he realized he hated seeing you go to the eighth grade dance with a date––that wasn’t him. 

He decided that he wasn’t going to risk losing a life-long friendship over some dumb, teenage boy feelings. 

They were probably powered by his testosterone anyways. Yeah, that’s totally it.

He’s totally not in love with you. 

So yes, he lives a pretty normal life. Every day is the same as the last, and tomorrow will be the same as today. But he likes it like that––he doesn’t want anything to change. 

Especially not now, when he finds himself content with every aspect of his life (okay maybe except for his history grade, god, does he hate history). 

So, it catches him off guard when you arrive at the group’s usual lunch table, located outside in your school’s courtyard, looking as excited as ever. 

Jake’s the only one at the table so far. The remaining usually showed up late––Heeseung spends his first half of lunch tutoring freshmen for community service hours (but the poor boy has no idea what he’s doing), Sunghoon is probably stuck in line in the cafeteria again (he always forgets to pack his own lunch), and Jay is...well actually, no one ever knows where Jay comes from. He’s a special one. 

It catches Jake even more off guard when you skip over any greeting a normal person would give, and start speaking at one hundred words per second. 

And that catches us up to the present.

“Y-You want me to what?” Jake’s stuttering as you stare at him with your hopeful eyes from across the lunch table. 

Despite the expression planted on your face, which screams your excitement for your “brilliant, amazing, genius, Einstein-could-never” idea (or whatever other words you used to describe it––Jake can’t exactly recall the specific terms you used, they all came out of your mouth too fast), you don’t respond to his question of bafflement. You continue to stare at him, awaiting his response. Jake could compare the look on your face right now to a puppy looking up at its owner, eagerly waiting for a treat. You know, tongue out and all. 

He swallows the lump that’s lodged in this throat (is that the sandwich he’s having, or his nerves?) and continues to give you his look of confusion laced with a nervous smile because surely, you’re joking. 

You grab what’s left of your sandwich from his hands and take your own bite. Somewhere in between you arriving at the table and now, Jake’s managed to steal the sandwich you brought today. You did make the best chicken sandwiches, in his defense. 

“Well? It’s only for the week! And I promise you, after one week, if nothing happens––if he doesn’t make a move or anything––I’ll move on from him like you’ve been telling me to.” Your words are muffled from you savoring your sandwich, or what’s left of it anyways. (Mental note to self: don’t share your lunch with Jake ever again.) 

When Jake still doesn’t respond (you’ve truly gotten this poor boy paralyzed), you find it as a sign to continue. 

“I think it’s the perfect plan. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be like the universe is telling me to finally move on, right?” 

Wrong. 

Jake has been encouraging you to move on from your crush because well, if we’re being honest here, he selfishly wants you to himself. Even if it wasn’t romantically.

Preferably, he would kill to get to be the one who holds your hand in the hall, call you cheesy pet names, post disgustingly cute couple pics for the ‘gram––but for the sake of potentially ruining his relationship with you, he’ll just have to settle with the role of being your best friend. 

(And he’s totally fine with that! Totally. Yup.) 

But he didn’t think that you moving on would only be a mere possible outcome (that may not even happen!) from whatever this stunt is you wanna pull. 

Said stunt: Pretend to date one another and hope it catches the eye of a certain someone you have your eye on: Park Sunghoon. 

Ah yes, Park Sunghoon. The previously mentioned one who’s probably still in line waiting to get his lunch as we speak. 

Park Sunghoon, the tall, kind, intelligent, charming young boy that everyone knows. And if anyone didn’t know him, they most definitely knew of him. He wasn’t hard to miss in the halls; everything about him just radiates perfection. 

If you plucked a random high-schooler from the halls of this school and interviewed them on the Park Sunghoon, they’d say you’d be lucky enough if the quiet boy so much as sparked a conversation with you, even if it was about what last night’s chemistry homework was. 

Well if that were true, then you and the rest of the boys would be considered lottery winners. 

How that happened, how the four of you dysfunctional beings earned his friendship, the world may never know. However, Jake is fully convinced that this was the universe’s way of playing a cruel joke on him. 

For as long as Jake could remember, it’s always been just the two of you. You and Jake. Jake and you. (With the exception of Heeseung and Jay, of course, who came along in middle school) 

In fact, your earliest memory of Jake was when he peed his pants in the kindergarten during nap time. You would know, you had the privilege of sharing a sleeping mat with him that one fateful day and in result...let’s just say the smell didn’t wear off from your clothes until a week later. Five-year-old you didn’t forgive five-year-old Jake for the longest time. 

And since then, you’ve been attached by the hip. And Jake liked it like that. Jake didn’t need anyone else in his life (with the exception of Leila) if he had you. He had found his home within you, and he didn’t plan on sharing his space anytime soon. 

Nevertheless, the universe had a completely different idea for the two of you. 

Sunghoon came into the picture last year, towards the end of the school year. Despite being the new kid, he found his way into your cherished friend group and naturally, the five of you grew as close as friends could be. 

That was the problem. Jake wanted to hate Sunghoon, to despise him for being the one that you had heart eyes for, but he couldn’t. 

Not only was Sunghoon one of Jake’s closest friends, but he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic of the friend group. After you, the three chaotic boys were the next most important people in Jake’s life. 

And so, we have the typical love triangle plot that every coming-of-age movie follows. Of course, this is all unbeknownst to you––you may be intelligent and a people-person, but oh boy can you not see the heart eyes your very own best friend has for you. 

“It’ll be easier than you think, really! Look, we can even set boundaries or rules or whatever,” you propose, as if you’re trying to get him to sign a contract. 

Rules to a fake relationship? We’re not living in a Netflix romcom, are we? 

“Okay rule number 1: it’ll only be for a week and a week only, rule number 2: we don’t have to do anything too couple-ly like...” you pause to wonder for a second. 

“Like PDA or anything! You know, unless we really need to convince him,” you casually add. When he responds with radio silence and stares at you with absolute concern painted all over his face, you cough. “Jake, I’m joking.” 

Right. Of course. Obviously. 

“And of course, just try not to fall in love with me, it’ll be hard, I know,” you send a playful wink his way. 

Too late. Turns out it’s not that hard. Jake would know. 

Jake continues to stare at you in hesitation. Yeah, you’ve had your fair share of crazy ideas (that Jake always find himself agreeing to––the poor boy just can’t seem to say no to you), but fake dating you?

Jake is sure he wouldn’t be able to pull it off without slowly destroying himself. He’d just have to say no, he’s sure you can find someone else to do it for you. 

Yes, that’s it, just say no. 

Jake has to keep some of his pride in tact. 

Jake does not say no. 

He doesn’t know what went wrong. His mind said one thing, but his words said another. 

To be fair, Jake’s actions have always been influenced by his heart, not his brain, anyways. And when it comes to you, you bet it’ll be coming from his heart. 

So here he was now, under the stare of three equally shocked and confused guys across from you and him at the lunch table, your fingers intertwined with his.

Just a few seconds ago, you had spotted the rest of the lunch bunch approaching the table, and you quickly grabbed Jake’s hand and scooted in closer to him.  

Now here you were, explaining to your friends of your sudden relationship.  

Jake is too zoned out to even physically pick up your explanation. Something along the lines of "we’ve been dating for a while but didn’t want to tell you guys yet." From the feeling of your hand clutched tightly into his and your body right up next to him, his mind was short-circuiting. 

How is he supposed to last an entire week of this if he couldn't handle innocent hand holding? Hand holding? God, what are we, back in the fifth grade?  

Two minutes into this scheme and Jake's mind has already downgraded itself to a fifth grader's.  

Jake mentally scolds himself for giving in, this was not a good idea. 

It takes Jake approximately 12 hours to conclude that this stunt of yours may, actually, be a good idea. He knows this because approximately 12 hours after the events surrounding lunch, he receives a text from you: 

y/n [12:03AM]: thanks again for doing this for me jake

y/n [12:03AM]: ur actually the best

y/n [12:04AM]: ew ok that was cheesy but really i owe u a big one <333

Following your thread of texts is a really close up photo of you widely smiling into the camera. A smile so big, Jake’s convinced your face was probably in pain after taking that picture. 

Anyone else might’ve thought the photo looked borderline insane but because Jake’s Jake, aka a simpᵗᵐ for you, he comes to the conclusion that it’s singlehandedly the cutest thing he’s ever seen in the entire world. 

After quickly saving the selfie into his phone, Jake tells himself that maybe this won’t be a bad thing after all. I mean, anything that makes you smile like that meant it has to be a good idea, right? 

Spoken like a true simp. 

Plus, dating you––fake dating you––is pretty much the same as it was before. He already spends most of his days with you to begin with. Now, it’s just with added displays of affection. For show, obviously. Obviously. 

And look, if Jake will never get to actually be with you, then he’ll take what he can get. And if that meant fake dating you, well, he reasons that it’s better than nothing at all. 

Wednesday, December 9th 

Jake’s playing with the rings on your right hand and you’re in the middle of dramatically telling the lunch table about the infuriating Karen you had to deal with at work the other day when Jay comes up with a grin you all know a little too well. 

“Okay that grin means one of two things: you finally grew the balls to ask out that poor girl you’ve been teasing all year or you have something planned that we won’t like,” you interrupt your story when you catch Jay’s sly expression, evoking a chuckle from Jake, who’s now found a new distraction with the bracelets perches on your wrist. 

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I did ask her out. It just so happens that she’s currently ‘in between boyfriends’ whatever that means. Ouch, by the way,” Jay feigns hurt from your comment by clutching the area above his heart through his shirt. Ever the drama queen. “But yes, I do have something planned. And no, it’s not a bad idea.” 

Jay squeezes his way in between Sunghoon and Heeseung from across you and begins to pull out his own lunch. Everyone’s eyes follow him as he settles in because as bad as his unknown idea may be, you’re all still curious on what this boy has to say. 

“Well are you going to elaborate or...” Heeseung speaks up for everyone after you all mentally debate one another through darting eyes on who’s going to have to bite Jay’s silent bait.

Jay then forcefully sets both hands on his table, which elicits a little jump from you as you go for a bite of your sandwich. Adorable, Jake tells himself. 

“My parents are out of town this weekend. We all know what that means...” 

Yes. We do know what that means. The four of you have seen this scenario play out many times, a little too many times for your own good. 

This meant one of Jay’s infamous house parties that he always throws whenever his parents go out of town. And because his parents are hot-shot CEOs of an important company whose name you don’t remember (it’s nothing personal, your brain can only handle so much information and this physics exam you were studying for took up 90% of your brain capacity at the moment), they’re out of town often. 

And along with Jay’s parties comes chaos. Lots of it. And that’s because...well, it’s safe to say that despite the many school-wide presentations the police officers of your school have held in the auditorium on why you shouldn’t drink underage, Jay’s parents’ liquor cabinet always seems to find itself missing many a few bottles after each party. But we don’t talk about that. Shush. 

Almost simultaneously, everyone at the table lets out a groan, much to Jay’s disappointment. 

“C’mon guys! It’s been a while since anything’s fun happened to this school, think of all the sad students in that building right now,” he extends a finger whole-ass arm and points at your school, “who are in dire need of fun and a little...” he punctuates his sentence with the hand motion of chugging down a drink, followed with a gulping sound elicited from his tongue clicking. 

You roll your eyes along with everyone else. Don’t be like Jay, kids. Listen to those police officers. 

“Jay, it’s midterm season! I have an exam on Monday and I definitely do not want to spend the nights before wasted,” you give him an apologetic look. As crazy as Jay is, you do feel bad nonetheless. The boy just wants to have fun. 

Your response is followed up with similar comments from around the table. 

“I’m helping y/n study” 

“I have an important skating performance on Sunday” 

“Uh...my hamster died?” (ok Heeseung panicked, don’t blame the guy)

Ignoring that last excuse of an excuse, Jay continues his debate nonetheless. “Just come for the sake of it! No one’s saying you have to get wasted. Pleaseeee for me?” 

Jay throws these parties so often, you’re not sure why he’s so set on making sure you’re all going to be there. Well, I guess who wouldn’t want their closest friends to be at their own party? 

That and, Jay needs to make sure his friends are there to stop him from doing anything stupid. We all know this boy has had enough embarrassing moments to last him a lifetime. 

Everyone at the table gives each other the same hesitant look. Heeseung is the first to give in, “Oh fuck it. Sure, count me in.” 

Jay’s fist pumping the air before turning to Sunghoon with the most hopeful eyes. 

Sunghoon simply sighs in return. “Alright okay, I’ll bite. But if you vomit on my shoes again, I’m out the door.” Jay’s finger is automatically drawing a cross over his heart as a promise to not ruin Sunghoon’s Nikes again. 

He then looks to you with puppy eyes. 

You, who's already staring back at Jay with a stoic look in your eyes, are stubborn and (unlike the previous weaklings) are not as easy to convince. And somehow, this began an unannounced staring contest between the two of you, a contest to see who would budge first. This isn't an uncommon occurrence between you and Jay, but the rest of the boys are still on the edges of their seats watching this duel.

Jake casually wraps an arm around your shoulder and you’re brought in close, but still undeterred from your death-stare match with the boy across from you. 

If it’s not obvious enough, Jake’s really gotten into his role of being your boyfriend, despite it only being 24 hours since he last froze at your touch. Character development, you’ll give him that. 

You almost forget he’s faking it for a quick second. And for an even quicker second, you imagine he wasn’t faking it. And you swear you feel butterflies in your stomach at that thought. 

Weird. 

You mentally shake the thought out of your head. Priorities first, aka, beating Jay in this staring contest. 

“Fuck,” you stutter when you finally blink, admitting defeat to a grinning Jay. “Okay, okay, I’ll THINK about it. I’ll let you know.” 

Not exactly the answer Jay was looking for, but he’ll take it. Better than a no. 

He turns to Jake next, knowing there’s no way Jake will turn down a party. Just like Jay, the boy loves himself a good party. 

But–

But because Jake would take your physics exam this Monday for you if you asked, because Jake would bungee jump in the Grand Canyon without a safety net below him if you asked, because Jake would fake date you to make your crush jealous for you if you asked, he doesn’t hesitate in his answer this time around: “Same as y/n, I’ll let you know.” 

Jay looks at Jake. Then back at you, who he’s still clinging onto like a koala to a tree. Then back at Jake. “You two are gross. Admittedly cute. But gross.” 

You look up at the boy next to you to see him already grinning at you. 

For the first time today, you find yourself agreeing with Jay. 

Admittedly cute. 

Thursday, December 10th 

You are having a bad day. 

You’re having the mother of bad days. 

Not only is it midterm season, but you still have all your regular weekly assignments to finish before Friday hits. So as a natural-born procrastinator does, you stayed up all last night trying to get a good amount of work done because what’s better than cramming all your work the night before it’s due? Doing it two nights before it’s due. 

Well apparently it wasn’t such a good idea. Because now, here you were, frantically throwing on whatever articles of clothing you find nearest to you because you slept through all your alarms. 

You’re lucky enough to make it through your school’s doors right as the second bell rings, even if you did look like you just walked straight out of a zombie apocalypse. 

You’re not so lucky when you find out your first class of the day, calculus, had a pop quiz. A pop quiz on the only unit you just happened to know absolutely nothing about. 

To top things off, you forgot to pack your lunch during this morning’s frenzy, meaning you’re automatically stuck sharing with Jake.

And because his mother started making him pack his own food out of a lesson of responsibility (she said something along the lines of: “Jake, you’re about to be in college and you don’t know how to pack a decent meal”), he only has a plain PB&J sandwich and a pack of Scooby-Doo gummies in his bag today (because newsflash, he still doesn’t know how to pack a decent meal). 

Not that you could care less at the moment, you were too preoccupied with catching up on your assignments to even eat. And if any of the boys noticed your zombie-like state during lunch, they did a good job of not mentioning it. They knew better than to bother an irritated y/n. 

Somehow, you make it through the entire school day and your after-school meeting for environmental club (save the trees!) in one piece. As you finally walk out of the school building, you exhale, automatically feeling lighter. At least the hard part of your day was done. 

Now you just had to wait for Jake to finish soccer practice, which usually ended around the same time as your club, and he can drive you home, where you can continue being irritated with your day in the privacy of your own space. 

You wait on the steps of the school’s entrance, waiting for a smiley Jake to come around the corner as he usually does at 5:30pm every Thursdays. 

Yes, a smiling Jake is exactly what you needed to make your day ten times better, you conclude. 

As if on cue, you hear a ding from your phone. 

Jake [5:30PM]: ugh coach is extending practice for “team bonding” 

Jake [5:30PM]: idek what team bonding is 

Jake [5:31PM]: you ok if i cant drive you today? :// 

It’s as if the universe decided to use you as its punching bag today. 

You physically let out a distorted groan, not caring if anyone who happened to hear you thought you were a creature from out of this world, as you send him a text back.

y/n [5:32PM]: it’s all good lol have fun with tEaM bOnDiNg

Things were not all good. But no matter how upset you may be, you weren’t going to project your negative vibes onto Jake’s naturally positive ones. So you get up from the stone steps and begin your dreaded walk back home. 

It’s freezing out. You should’ve known better to just throw on a hoodie and call it a day when it’s the middle of December. But then again, you figured by now you’d be in the comfort and warmth of Jake’s car and presence...not walking home in these freezing temperatures. 

You think about Jake and how he’s probably currently suffering from not only his team bonding exercises (but really though, what are team bonding exercises?), but doing them in this weather as well. The poor boy. 

You’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by the sound of a car engine from behind you. When you don’t see it pass by you and instead hear it pull over and park next to the curb of the sidewalk you’re currently on, you automatically deduce that this is it, this is my time, I’m about to get kidnapped by whoever it is behind me but y/n, you should probably turn around and check first before you drive yourself insane in this inner dialogue. 

You turn around and squint into the front window of the car. If it were a kidnapper, this is exactly what your mother told you not to do. Her exact words were: “Run, don’t look back, and scream bloody murder.” 

Good thing it wasn’t. Just an innocent Sunghoon waving his hand at you, motioning you to get in. 

“Sunghoon?” You approach his car and stop at the passenger side’s open window. 

“y/n! It’s freezing out, I’ll drive you home c’mon,” he nods his head towards the passenger side door. 

Well, how could you say no? Sunghoon owns a nice car. Like a nice car. Like car-seat-heaters-that-make-you-feel-like-you’re-physically-melting nice. Beats getting hypothermia outside, right? 

“Why are you going home from school so late?” You ask as you settle into his car, instantly melting at the touch of the aforementioned heated seats. 

“Debate club, actually. Decided I needed another personality trait other than ice skating,” he starts the engine and begins driving towards the direction of your neighborhood. 

You laugh at his comment, you didn’t peg him as a debate kind of student. Quiet Sunghoon? Debate club? If 2 plus 2 is four...

“Hey, I don’t call you the Ice Prince for nothing! Also, don’t forget your other personality trait: forgetting your lunch every day.” 

Sunghoon quickly glances over at you to send you a dirty look (because eyes on the road, kids!), which you return with a cheeky grin. “Need I remind you that was you today?” 

“Touché,” you click your tongue. 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the faint sound of Sunghoon's music in the background filling in the quietness.  

You’re humming along until Sunghoon breaks the silence, “Did Jake get stuck at practice again?” 

You don’t know why, but you swear you feel your heart beat faster at the mention of Jake’s name. No, that was always there right? Because you were with Sunghoon...your crush..obviously. Obviously. 

Ignoring the feeling, you turn your attention towards the boy driving you. 

“Oh yeah, something about team bonding. How’d you know?” 

“Eh, I just figured since he wasn’t driving you home like he always does.” He turns into your neighborhood. 

You nod at his answer. 

“You two make a good couple.” 

You whip your head at him. Did you hear him correctly?

“It was about time, really. You two have been ogling at one another for so long, Heeseung, Jay, and I almost placed bets on who would be the first to make a move.” 

He keeps his eyes on the road, casually going on about how you and Jake make the cutest couple he’s ever seen. 

You're frozen, unsure of what to think, let alone say. 

You think to two days ago, when you started this entire fake relationship because of the very boy driving you home right now. The same boy who's complimenting you on your fake relationship. The same boy who's supposed to be jealous over that said relationship. The same boy you’re supposed to be crushing over.

But now...only a mere 48 hours later, you were finding yourself okay with the fact that he was happy for you. And for the life of you, you couldn’t remember why you liked Sunghoon in the first place. Not saying he isn’t one to be crushed on, I mean, look at the guy. 

Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact that you didn't feel nervous or giddy or..anything at all when you got into the car with Sunghoon. At least, not until Jake's name was mentioned. That's when you felt the butterflies. At the mention of Jake.  

Jake. 

Weird. 

But before you can come to a conclusion on why you're feeling the way you do, Sunghoon interrupts your thoughts.  

"Well, we're here! Say hi to your parents for me," he pulls into your driveway as you're still collecting your thoughts.  

You give him a quick thanks and one last wave as you enter the front doors of your house.  

Seeing that your only solution towards confusing feelings meant distracting yourself, distract yourself you did.  

Even if it meant distracting yourself with your piling assignments.  

The next time you look up from your work, it's suddenly way past sundown and a heavy storm has taken over. You’re surprised it hasn’t started flooding yet with the amount of rainfall you were hearing. 

You check the time on your phone, the bright 8:16PM on the screen illuminating your dimly lit room. Seeing that neither of your parents have yet to be home from work, it looks like you were going to have to settle with some instant ramen for dinner tonight.  

As you trudge down the stairs of your home, the sound of light knocking against the front door catches your attention. It's been a long day y/n, you're probably hearing things, it's definitely just the rain.

Nope. There it is again, but much louder. Much more urgent.  

You contemplate any and all potential disasters that could happen from answering the door. Only a crazy person would be willing to go out in this hurricane-like weather to be frantically knocking on your door.  

And so, you assume it has to be some psychopath trying to get into your house. Yes, there’s definitely no other logical explanation. 

You scramble around your living room, looking for the next best weapon to defend you. Resorting to the flower vase your mother keeps on the table next to the front door, you hold it out in front of you, as if you're waiting for the door to burst open.  

The knocking continues, gradually getting louder. You mentally curse at yourself for dropping out of the taekwondo class your dad signed you up for when you were younger.  

Vase in hand, you swing open the door and brace for–

"Jake? What the fuck? Get in here, you're gonna get sick!"  

You’re suddenly aware of how stupid you look, holding a light pink vase with a couple of orchids as your only form of self-defense...for it to only be your own best friend. You immediately put it back on the table as Jake quickly rushes past you and into your humble abode. ��

You close the door behind you and turn to face the soaked boy.  

“I come bearing gifts, also known as take-out and hot chocolate from that one cafe you love. Also my company, if you’ll take it. I had a feeling you weren’t having the best day today,” he’s simply standing there, holding up a large brown paper bag in one hand, and a deliciously smelling cup of hot chocolate in the other, but you’re looking at him as if he bought you the Moon. 

You stare in awe at the angel of a boy in front of you, silently thanking the stars for gifting you this amazing human being as your best friend. You don’t know what you did to deserve him. 

You give him a soft smile. “Jake, you didn’t have to. It’s practically a shitstorm out there,” you cock your head towards the window, showcasing the downpour of cats and dogs outside. Jake stays by the entrance as you go down the hall and through your house’s linen closet to find a spare towel for the drenched boy.

“Nah it’s no big deal, really. Just fulfilling my duties as your loyal boyfriend,” he grins, even though you can’t see him. He likes calling himself that. Your boyfriend.

Jake continues to shake his messy hair to get the excess rain off, giving a mental apology to whoever is going to have to mop up the puddle forming on the floor due to his unannounced visit. Probably you. 

Jake hears you laugh down the hall. “You’re really invested in your role, huh? Keep this up and you might actually trick me into believing you’re my actual boyfriend.” 

Actual boyfriend? Jake likes the sound of that. Maybe he will keep this up then.

Jake doesn’t have much experience in acting, unless you count that time he played the role of Town Villager #3 in the third grade play, so he never found it as one of his interests. But playing the role of your boyfriend was one he was willing to fulfill for the rest of life, even if it was just for show. 

Jake doesn’t respond to your comment, he’s instead self-aware of his blushing cheeks, thankful that you’re too busy rummaging through your linen closet to take notice. 

“Plus, you didn’t have lunch today and I had feeling you were going to be too caught up in your work to feed yourself anything other than instant ramen,” he sets down his gifts to you on your living room’s coffee table as you come around the corner, fresh towel and new set of clothes in hand. 

His eyes fall on the familiar looking pair of sweatpants and hoodie resting on the palms of your hands. 

Hm. A little too familiar. 

Then, it clicks in his head. 

His eyes narrow at you as you giggle at his reaction, “Oh, so it takes me getting drenched in the rain for you to finally return my clothes that I’ve been missing!?” 

“Hey! I’m not returning them, simply loaning them out to a friend who’s in dire need. You basically gifted them to me the second you left them here months ago.” 

“You’re annoying.” 

“Love you too,” you toss the clothes at him and take a seat on the floor around your coffee table, prepping the table with the boxes of Chinese food Jake supplied. 

After Jake changes into the stolen dry clothes, he takes a seat next to an already-eating you at the coffee table. 

“You. are. my lord and savior Sim Jaeyun,” you’re saying with your mouth full of fried rice. You sigh from satisfaction and rest your head against Jake’s shoulder as you continue chewing. He grins as he helps himself to his own serving of fried rice and orange chicken. 

You look up at him from your spot, “How was team bonding today?” 

Jake groans in response, clearly annoyed. “Stupid. I don’t get how doing trust falls and pyramid building is going to get us any closer. If anything, I almost FELL off that pyramid today!” 

You don’t know why, but you find yourself admiring him and his soft features as he continues to rant about one of his teammates, specifically, the one who almost dropped him. 

The way his messy hair, unkept from the rain ruining it, almost covers his eyes (but you tell yourself you like it this way, it looks more natural on him), the way the corners of his lips are always perked upwards (even when he’s ranting), the way his eyes sparkle whenever he’s truly passionate about whatever he’s talking about, the way his eyes look at you like–

“Stare much? Look, I get you can’t resist my good looks but at least be subtle about it,” he smirks at you as he takes another spoon of rice. 

You break out of his trance and scoff at him. 

“You’re cute when you rant,” you nonchalantly say as you move from your spot to mirror his actions and add more rice to your plate as well.  Jake’s stills at your sudden comment, unsure of how to respond. Lucky for him, you’re distracted by the mountain of food on your plate to even notice the blushing mess of a boy next to you. 

“You know, you’re lucky you’re cute. Or else I’d deck you right here and now for ditching me after school today.” 

Anddd there goes the moment. Leave it to you to follow up a compliment with a threat of violence. 

Jake finds it cute anyways. He always finds you cute. 

Jake narrows his eyes and lightly shoves you before an apology is written all over his face. “Sorry about that by the way. I feel awful about making you walk home when it was freezing out.” 

“Nah, it’s okay. Sunghoon gave me a ride, actually. Did you know he does debate? I guess you learn something new everyday,” you ramble, unaware of the boy next to you getting tense at the sudden mention of the other’s name. 

Up until now, Jake’s completely forgotten about Sunghoon's involvement in this entire scheme. In fact, the past 48 hours with you have felt so normal, so comfortable, he almost forgot about the deal in the first place.   “You think he has any clue?” Jake suddenly asks, referring to the plan. 

You immediately know what he’s referring to, as Jake practically worded out your very own thoughts. 

You shrug. “Not a single one. We’re practically William and Kate in his eyes. But honestly, that’s the least of my worries right now. I’m too distracted by my exams right now to care.” 

Jake feels guilty for being satisfied with your answer. He’s 100% sure that if convincing Sunghoon took you two an entire lifetime of fake dating, he’d be all too willing to do it. 

“Go to Jay’s party with me tomorrow,” he abruptly says, catching your attention as your mouth is stuffed. Cute. 

He pokes your cheek. “It’ll get your mind off of work and plus, what’s more convincing than showing up to a party with your amazing boyfriend?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Jake doesn’t know where he gets his sudden surge of confidence. But he does know he loves calling himself your boyfriend...even if it’s for the time being. 

Rolling your eyes and swatting his poking fingers away from your face, you ponder on his suggestion. 

“You mean my annoying boyfriend,” you stick your tongue out at him. Jake takes a mental picture and hopes it never leaves his mind. 

“But I guess you could be right. Maybe I can clear my head for the night before I study my ass off all weekend.” 

Friday, December 11th 

The party does not clear your mind. 

If anything, it gives you enough headaches to last you at least until the end of high-school. 

You come to this revelation as you and Jake approach Jay’s home, a luxurious mansion sitting at the end of a cul-de-sac, lined with similarly luxurious palaces, located in an equally luxurious neighborhood. 

You come to this revelation when you can already feel the pounding bass of music as you walk up Jay’s driveway. 

You come to this revelation when, not even two seconds after entering Jay’s front doors––

“You’re here!” A buzzed Jay shouts at the two of you, causing the both of you to contemplate your past choices that brought you here today. Jay definitely isn’t straight up drunk yet, but Jake still makes a mental note to keep an eye on him tonight. Just in case. 

The blonde-haired boy is quick to hand over two red solo cups of god knows what, to which you and Jake immediately put down on the nearest table after Jay walks away to greet the next incoming guests (you know, to not hurt his feelings). 

You and Jake are lucky enough to have been around Jay and his parties long enough to know that going all out at these parties will not be pretty the next morning.

You cringe at the memory of last year, when you had to suffer from possibly the worst hangover of all hangovers after one of Jay’s parties. Jake will never let you forget how miserable you looked the next morning. His camera roll’s album titled “y/n blackmail pics” can vouch for that.

“Remind me again to never listen to you,” you almost have to shout at Jake over the thumping music. Jake laughs at your comment and tugs at your hand as he begins entering the house.

The two of you do your rounds of greetings to the people you know...and random underclassmen who you swear you have never seen before but somehow made it to this party. You’ve always questioned how Jay’s invite list worked. Maybe there isn’t one. That would explain how it looked like someone announced Jay was giving out free Teslas and the entire school got hold of the news. 

“Thank god you guys are here,” you hear a voice come from behind the two of you as you guys leave the main room to enter the house’s smaller, but just as luxurious looking, den. You turn to see Heeseung with Sunghoon following closely behind, trying his best not to get swept away in the crowd of people. 

The den is where you usually stayed during these parties. It’s not like there are rules of where people are allowed to party, by any means, but it’s like how a high-school’s cafeteria worked. There’s a mutual silent agreement of where everyone goes, and the den is where the party host and his friends went.  

“Okay, is it just me, or is tonight’s party just a little...too..much?” Sunghoon asks as the four of you take your seats on the main couch of the room. Jake’s quick to make space for you next to him as you go to sit, but to his surprise, you find your home right on his lap. 

“You said be convincing right?” you say into his ear as you settle yourself. Right. That’s totally why. Because you had to go along with the ruse. Obviously. 

You shift a bit so you’re more facing sideways, not blocking off Jake’s line of vision as the boy himself is..well, calling him a rag doll might be excessive. 

But he’s sure he looks like one right now, having lost all senses in his limbs, leaving him frozen underneath you. 

Jake Sim is the epitome of politeness. He was raised in a family that taught him how to respectfully greet others, how to always offer food to others before eating it himself, how to properly treat a significant other. As a result, Jake grew up to be one of the sweetest, kindest, purest people to ever walk this earth. 

(Relatively speaking, the earth is large, but so is Jake’s heart.) 

But human-beings aren’t perfect, they must have a balance. A balance of pros and cons. 

Sure, he can’t pack his own lunch and sometimes forgets to water the little succulent you gifted him that’s currently seated on his window sill. Sure, sometimes he’s too sweet for his own good, you know, like willing-to-be-your-fake-boyfriend too sweet. But aside from the minor details, Jake Sim doesn’t have many cons, no. 

But he sure can be awkward. 

And so because Jake Sim is sweet, kind, pure, and awkward, he is unsure of what to do with himself when you’re seated right on top of him. 

As if you could read his befuddled mind, you take his arm that’s resting behind you to wrap around your waist as your support as you throw one of your arms around his shoulder. And throughout this entire adjustment, his widened eyes are staring right at you. 

Bless this pure, pure boy. 

Also bless the position you’re in, blocking the two other boys from directly seeing Jake’s face. Because if they were to catch glimpse of Jake’s expression right now, your cover might be blown, just like that. You’re lucky Heeseung and Sunghoon are distracted by another classmate who came up to them. 

“Relax,” you sweetly laugh, cupping his chin with your free hand and lightly squeezing his cheeks. “You’re so adorably awkward.” 

Jake pouts at you. “I am not awkward!” 

“Right, and I’m totally dating you for real,” you playfully whisper at him, eliciting a poke at your waist in response. 

Twenty minutes of people-watching-aka-“who do you think is gonna pass out first?”-from-your-spot-on-the-couch later, the four of you draw your attention to the rowdy party host you all have the honor of calling your friend––aka Jay––dancing (that is, if you call wildly swinging your limbs in all four directions dancing) in the middle of the den. 

"Oh god, look at him," Sunghoon voices from besides you.

Heeseung's already filming the moment on his phone. Ah yes, technology. The best thing to ever happen to drunk teens' friends.  

"He's so wasted," you throw your head back as you let out a laugh. “We should help the kid out.” 

Poor Jay. He's not gonna hear the end of it after tonight.

"I don't know why he thinks these parties are such a good idea when he knows how trashed he's gonna be when he wakes up," Jake says, his hand naturally squeezing your waist as you giggle at his comment. "And how trashed the house will be."  

Jay slumbers over to where the four of you are seated, and abruptly stops right in front of the couch.

"My best friends!" Jay happily cheers. “Having fun?” 

“Watching you? Always,” you say to the boy who’s squeezing into a seat between you and Sunghoon, as if the small couch wasn’t already suffocating enough (and that’s with you on Jake’s lap). 

“But for real though, you should probably lay off the drinks for now,” Heeseung insists. “For all our sakes.” 

Sunghoon nods along and grabs the cup Jay’s currently nursing and sets it down where it’s out of Jay’s reach, much to his dismay. But the disappointment quickly leaves the dazed boy’s head, as his attention is now directed towards you and Jake. 

“Well if it isn’t mom and dad,” Jay turns to face you and Jake, certainly amused by your seating arrangement. 

“You know–” Jay points a finger at the two of you. “For a couple that’s certainly close, I haven’t seen you two kiss.” 

Jake is immediately coughing, certainly not expecting that to come out of his friend’s mouth. 

“Okay and your point is?” Jake frowns at Jay. If Jay wasn’t tipsy, Jake would’ve smacked the back of his head by now. 

“I’m just saying...” the blonde responds, both hands up in the air as if Jake is accusing him of something, when in was, in fact, the opposite. “But nevermind, Jakey boy here is probably too innocent for such nonsense anyways.” 

Yes, it’s confirmed. Once Jay sobers up tomorrow, Jake is driving over to his house (even though it’s a good ten minute drive from his own) just to smack him. 

“What do you mean I’m too–” 

Jake doesn’t finish his sentence. In fact, Jake doesn’t even remember what he was going to say. 

Jake doesn’t think nor feel anything else other than your lips planted on his. 

You’re pulling him in close, your hands cupping his face as his own are twitching on your waist, his mind flustered. You move your hands from his face to his neck, to which Jake immediately relaxes at. 

Sure, you two are in the middle of a dumb high-school party, one filled with pounding music and shouting teenagers, but right now, in this moment, Jake can only feel you. And he doesn’t want the feeling to ever stop. 

When you part, Jake’s eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips, his own parted in shock. He thinks he might pass out right here and now. He thinks his heart might explode right here and now. He thinks he might lov-

“Happy?” you turn to a satisfied Jay, ignoring the looks of amusement from Heesung and Sunghoon besides him. 

“Well,” you pat Jake’s leg as you get up from your spot. “I’m gonna get us some drinks. Punch only, of course.” 

Jake’s eyes are on you as you walk away, his face tinted pink from the adrenaline of it all, his heart racing. 

Jake thinks back to three days ago, when he told himself that this idea of yours was going to be all fine. After all, it was only going to be for one week. Afterwards, he can move on with his life as if nothing happened. 

But fast forward 72 hours later, 72 hours after you and Jake started this act, 72 hours after Jake told himself it’ll be all fine, Jake knows he was poorly mistaken.

Because 72 hours later, in the middle of a party that reeked of the combined smell of alcohol and sweat, Jake knows one thing and one thing for sure.

He never wants to move on from the feeling of being with you. He never wants to move on from this.

From you. 

He’s screwed. 

Saturday, December 12th 

When Jake wakes up, much later than he intended to, on Saturday morning, the first sensation he feels are his tingling lips, still in disbelief that they graced your own last night. 

The second sensation being his pounding mind––it’s running through ten million thoughts at a time, telling him no last night wasn’t a dream. 

Third: his heart beating so fast at the thought of you, he thinks he might beat out of his chest.

And fourth, a buzzing noise. 

Jake blindly flounders his arm to the table beside him in hopes of finding the origin of the annoying sound, aka, his phone. 

After knocking down multiple miscellaneous items on his nightstand (he makes a mental note to clean his room later), he successfully retrieves the item of search. 

Jake squints at the bright screen, mind still cloudy from a mix of 1) being half-asleep, and 2) still processing what happened the night before. 

y/n [11:10AM]: r u awake yet? 

y/n [11:22AM]: imma take that as a no

y/n [11:35AM]: lemme know when ur up 

jake [11:44AM]: just woke up sorry 

jake [11:44AM]: are you okay? what’s up

y/n [11:45AM]: r u busy? 

y/n [11:45AM]: kinda wanted to talk abt smth

jake [11:45AM]: uh well no im still in bed lmao

y/n [11:46AM]: cool im outside your door 

Jake’s eyes widen as he processes your last few texts. 

Talk? Outside his door? 

Jake’s heart is nervously pounding as jumps out of bed and quickly puts on the first plaid flannel he finds. He scrambles to his mirror and gives his reflection a quick run-down. 

He’s sporting your his favorite hoodie underneath the flannel that’s long overdue a wash and his tousled hair has seen better days, but he couldn't care less. 

Before his mind can catch up to his actions, he’s rushing down the stairs, skipping two at a time and to this front door. Because he didn’t want to keep you waiting? Because he was too excited to see you? Maybe a mix of both. Definitely more of the latter, however. 

He quickly runs a hand through his hair to try to fix it up as much as he can, to no avail, before opening the door to reveal you, sitting on the steps of his front porch. 

“y/n,” he’s breathing heavily as you turn to greet him with your sweet smile he didn’t even realize he was missing. Is it possible to miss someone overnight? Jake concludes yes, it definitely is. 

“Did you run down here or something?,” you question his out-of-breath state, a teasing tone laces the tip of your tongue. 

“Or something,” Jake mutters as he closes the front door behind him to join you on the steps when you make no sign of moving. “Have you been out here all morning?” 

“Not allll morning. I had a feeling you’d sleep in so I came around the time I first texted you. Would’ve knocked but didn’t wanna bother your family,” you hum, keeping your eyes trained on the peaceful scenery around you. 

You’ve always loved Jake’s neighborhood, it brought you a sense of peace, a sense of home. 

Or was that because it reminded you of Jake? 

“You could never be a bother,” he quickly rebuttals as he takes his seat next to you on the steps. 

You respond with a soft smile before turning your attention back to anything other than the boy next to you. Your mind seems to be lost in its own thoughts, Jake can tell by the distant look in your eyes. 

The sound of birds chirping in the distance fills the silence that falls between the two of you. 

Any other day, Jake would love this. He savors every second he’s with you, even if it’s just pure silence. 

But this silence was different. It wasn’t the usual comforting, warm silence that the two of you share on a typical day. This one held tension, tension so thick that Jake doesn’t know where to begin thinking. 

But here’s the thing. Jake doesn’t think. 

Not when it comes to you. 

He takes a deep breath. Rubs his hands together. Pats them on his lap. Turns towards you. 

“Look, I-” 

“I think I might like you.” The words come out of your mouth so fast, Jake’s positive he heard you wrong the first time around. 

He whips his head to meet your eyes, your own already staring back at him, your bottom lip nervously tucked under your teeth. 

“No, I––I do. I know I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job right now,” the words are all of the sudden tumbling out of your mouth as if your brain flipped a switch and isn’t able to turn it off. “In hindsight, I should’ve known better to fake date my own best friend. But these past few days made me realize how much I love being with you. And not like how I’m always with you 24/7 before this entire thing started, but being with you. I even started getting that weird, bubbly feeling in my stomach every time I so much as heard your name. And then last night at the party, I realized afterwards that I wouldn’t have kissed you if some part of me didn’t see you in that way. Even if it meant Jay would’ve been on our asses all night if I didn’t. So yeah.” 

You finish with a deep breath and look up at him to meet his widened eyes. Silence.

Jake thought he was braindead during last week’s history quiz. Jake thought he was braindead when he had to cram a semester’s worth of chemistry content the night before his exam. Heck, Jake thought he was braindead when you first told him about your idea of a fake dating him. But no, this is braindead.

He’s finally hearing what he’s been dreaming of for so long, and of all times, now his brain decides to shut off.  

“Are you..uh..are you gonna say anything?” You’re nervously fumbling with your hands, desperate to distract yourself with anything else apart from his silent stare. 

"Why are you sorry?" Jake says before his mind can think of anything else. He doesn't pay attention to his thumping heart that's one look-from-you away from exploding right then and there. "You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you took the words right out of my mouth.” 

Now you're staring at him with the wide eyes, the words processing in your mind.

Jake realizes he's waited too long to do this. A few years too long. He also realizes he shouldn't have put on that extra layer of a flannel. The nervous tension created by the two of you was suffocating enough, and being outside under the bright sun didn’t help. 

"I like you too. God y/n, I like you too so much," Jake doesn't even care if his words are all sorts of messed up right now. He just needs you to get the idea. "I have for a while now.” 

You let out a relieved sigh, ecstasy rushing through your blood. “Really? I think I have for a while too. I’m so stupid, it took me so long to realize it. It didn’t hit me until I realized how I felt around you, compared to the guy I’m supposed to actually have a crush on.” 

Jake lets out a laugh, the tension immediately dissolving. “Hey, if it wasn’t for Sunghoon, I don’t think we’d be here right now.” 

“You’re right, I’m too oblivious and you’re too awkward to actually make a move,” you wink at him. If his heart wasn’t fluttering at the sight of you, on his porch on a Saturday morning, confessing your feelings to him, Jake probably would’ve lightly shoved you away. 

Instead, he’s turning to you with the most endeared look on his face, and you’re blushing underneath his gaze.

“What? Stare much?” You giggle, quoting the boy himself as you shyly duck your head to avoid his stare. 

Jake gently grabs your chin to tilt your face towards his, and before you can process what’s happening, he suddenly meets your lips with his own, closing the gap between you two. 

Jake thinks if the ground underneath him right now decided to open up and swallow him whole, he’d die happily. 

Jake smiles against you, feeling comfort in ways he’ll never be able to achieve without you. 

Your hands instinctively find their way into his hair, as one of his rests below your ear, thumb softly caressing your cheek, the other pulling you in by the waist. He’s naturally leaning into you, gravitating towards your warmth, unable to stop the giddy feeling bubbling in his stomach. 

He doesn’t think the feeling will ever go away. 

When you pull away to catch your breath, you rest your head against the nook of his neck, basking in his presence as his arms both find their way around your waist. You sigh in pleasure. 

“Remember at the beginning of all of this, when you told me ‘Just try not to fall in love with me?’” Jake gently says. Jake feels the slight nod you give against his shoulder as you hum in response. 

Jake whispers two more words into your ear, filling you with happiness and warmth you know you won’t be able to find through anyone––or anything––else. 

“Too late.” 

✰ if you made it ‘til the end, ily :’))))) 

[jae-daddy]

Stuck (M)

im jaebum oneshot

masterlist

pairing: im jaebum x reader genre: angst, smut, fluff? plot: after a terrible incident you and jaebum feel stuck in a relationship rotting away. you can’t take a step forward or a step back, you’re only stuck  a/n: I felt like writing something that I can put out instantly so here you go. I feel like I've written smut after so long... oh well, hope y’all like it <3 not edit

You sat by the window sill, your eyes followed the raindrops, slowly tracing the glass. You brought a finger up and placed it where a drop lay resting, waiting for another drop to come and propel it down to the rest of the droplets that disappeared. 

You wondered if it wanted to stay there, remain there untouched until the sun came out and dried it away into non-existence. Or if its waiting for that one special drop, maybe its the one above it, just a few centimetres away, or maybe it’s still to fall from the heavens. 

From the other side of the glass, you felt the droplet. It was just like you; stuck. It didn’t know what it needed, but it needed something, like you needed someone. 

You gaze adjusted to the red car that pulled into the driveway. You watched him, stay in the drivers seat for a moment too long. His eyes were trained on the rain beating against the window of the car. 

He couldn't see you, or at least he didn’t notice you. 

He didn’t look towards the house. 

He stayed there, and you watched him, waiting. 

You shifted your finger from the droplet to where Jaebum was, and he felt the same; stuck. 

You took in a deep breath as he finally found the strength to get out of the car. You didn’t blame him; you didn’t want to be here either. You didn’t want to come back to this house. 

You looked back at the droplet to find it gone as a new trail started down the window. 

You got up from your seat as Jaebum opened the door. He shook the rain of him, and you wondered if he remembered that you hated it when he did that. It reminded you of a dog, all wet and smelly, but he did it anyway. 

You didn’t say anything about it. You hid away your frown and instead smiled, as you walked towards him, “Welcome back, Jay.”

Jaebum gave you a tight line smile, and you were already tired. You knew exactly how this night was going to go. It had been the same for weeks now, probably a month, you couldn’t remember. 

It’s all a blur how this started or when this started. All you knew was one morning Jaebum was kissing you goodbye, and the next day he just stopped.

“How was work?” You asked, but regretted it instantly. You bit your lip wondering if you were being annoying, bothering him after a long day of work.

You knew how stressful work got sometimes. You used to work together until a few months ago, until you stopped bleeding. 

You would never forget the look on his face when he saw the pregnancy test in your hand. When he took the it from you and stared at the positive sign for minutes. You sat next to him, not touching him. 

You were scared; frightened that he didn’t want this baby. You hadn’t planned for a baby until two more years, but now that it was here, earlier then expected, you were scared. 

But then he finally turned towards you. 

The tears ran down his cheeks, blurring his vision as he tried to hold them back. And then he smiled so brightly, that all the tears he was holding in those beautiful eyes spilled out. 

“We’re going to have a baby,” his voice was barely above a whisper. You nodded, tears falling down your cheeks. You were so relieved Jaebum wanted this child. You were so happy you were going to be a mother, you were going to have a child with Jaebum. 

You wiped Jaebum’s cheeks as you held his face in your hands, but it was pointless. New tears came down and wet them instantly. Jaebum fell off the bed as he went down on his knees. He wrapped his arms around your waist, hid his face against your stomach and cried. 

You fell on him, hugging him back as your own tears soaked through his shirt. 

He looked up, his eyes red and cheeks swollen, “I love you, y/n.” 

His voice was raspy and raw, and you smiled. Your was voice just as trembling as you answered, “I love you too, Jaebum.” 

You remember the golden lit in his eyes. The way it used to sparkle and shine when he looked at you. You remembered the way he would walk home everyday, hold you in his arms and litter you with kisses. 

Jaebum didn’t hum anymore, and you didn’t ask him too. You would just end up crying if you did. You weren’t ready for that, you weren’t ready for Jaebum. 

As much distance Jaebum put between you two, you didn’t do anything to lessen it. You wanted to remain on the other side of the shore and see him from the distance. It hurt to much to see him, to talk to him, to pretend that such a big part of you both was now missing. 

Your gift from the universe was taken back. 

Maybe it wasn’t their time yet. They will come back one day, and once again bloom in your belly. One day, when it comes back, you will love it all over again, just the same, but right now it was gone, and you missed them. 

Jaebum missed it too. 

And now you mourned the loss of someone who never even properly entered into your life. But it was already a part. 

They were in the buckets of paint Jaebum had bought. In the wooden crib he had started on. In those moments where you both lay in bed together, thinking of names, thinking about what kind of parents you will be, thinking about how much love you would give to the little bean. 

And now those memories haunted you both. 

Jaebum simply shrugged like he had for days now, and mumbled, “It was normal.” 

You didn’t sigh.

You walked back to your seat, and went back to watching the rain. 

It was raining a lot today. It didn’t seem like the rain will stop anytime soon. It was early evening, but the low hanging clouds already made the world shadowed in darkness. 

You missed the sunshine. 

You missed Jaebum too. 

“I think you messed up,” you whispered to the dark stormy clouds, but you were taking to whatever was beyond it. 

“Did you say something?” Jaebum asked from the kitchen. You blinked, remembering Jaebum was there; that he was actually there and not a mirage. Things can change, not everyday has to be the same as yesterday. 

You swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous to talk to Jaebum. You had told this man every last one of your secrets, there was nothing about you that he didn’t know, but today you were nervous. 

it used to be easy back then. You never had to think twice, you wouldn't even consider the thought and just blurt it out to Jaebum as soon as it came to your head. Jaebum would laugh, agree, or call you crazy, and then tell you his thoughts. It was so easy back then. 

“I think they messed up,” you said a bit louder. Your fingers fidgeted in your lap as you waited through the silence that followed your words. 

Jaebum didn’t say anything for a long minute. He didn’t say anything, but you heard his movements stop as he took in your words. And then you heard his footsteps approach closer behind you. 

“Who did?” He asked, stopping at the doorway of the kitchen. This was the closest you two have been in weeks. For once you were looking at one another, seeing each other, talking to each other about something that wasn’t mundane like closing the toothpaste lid. 

You didn’t reply instantly, so Jaebum took a hesitant step closer to you, “It happens sometimes, y/n. It’s more common than we think.”

“I know,” you nodded, content and understanding. Jaebum frowned, and you wondered if he thought your calmness meant you were loosing it. But you had come to terms with it, it was okay. 

But it wasn’t. 

“They took too much,” you whispered, looking out to the skies again. 

“Y/n, are you,” Jaebum walked closer towards you, he bent onto his knees in front of you, and for the first time in a long time, his skin touched yours, “Are you okay?”

His brown eyes bore into yours, and you finally breathed. It felt as if the clock finally began to tick again. It felt as if the time that had been frozen was finally melting and moving forward. Jaebum’s eyes finally looked warm and golden instead of the darkness that had been haunting him. 

You placed your hand over his. Jaebum flinched, but then softened as his eyes looked into yours. You took in how sad he looked and your heart hurt. There were no smiles, no dreams, nothing. Only lips pulled into a line, and eyes lined with dark circles from sleepless nights. 

“They made a mistake,” you could barely hear your own voice, but in the silence that filled your lives, Jaebum heard you. His brows furrowed, his lips tighten, and you saw him be stricken with fear. 

He was scared he was going to lose you to insanity. 

“They took too much from us.” 

“I...” Jaebum spoke softly, his thumb caressing your cheek. He bit his lips, scared, as he continued, “I don't understand.” 

“The universe,” you told him, tears filling your eyes, “when they took our baby, they took a lot more with them.” 

Jaebum didn’t say anything as he wiped the tear that fell from your eyes. You saw Jaebum’s eyes also get teary, this was the first time you were talking about it to each other after weeks. This was the first time since that first week you found out, first week since your grieving became mourning, that you mentioned the baby. 

“Jay, they took us too,” your chin started to tremble. 

“Hey, baby,” Jaebum spoke, holding your face up in his hands. He shook his head as he swallowed, “I’m right here.” 

“They took our love too, Jaebum,” you whispered, your nails digging into his hands for strength to continue and not fall apart. “We don’t love anymore.” 

A tear slid down Jaebum’s face, “Do you not love me anymore?” 

You snorted at that, genuinely smiling for the first time in weeks, Jaebum’s lips quirked. 

“I do,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, “I love you just as much, if not more, but Jay, you don’t...”

“I do.” 

“You don’t,” you shook your head away from his hands. You stared at your fingers that fell onto your lap, “You don’t look at me anymore. You don’t talk to me anymore. I see you everyday, and you just don’t care anymore... 

“I feel stuck because I don’t want to freak you out by reaching out before you’ve healed. But every day, I can feel you drifting away, and I... I can’t stop thinking... that maybe somewhere.... deep down-”

“No.” Jaebum said, firmly, “Never.”

You looked up at Jaebum, and found him staring at you with fire in his eyes, “I have never, and I never will. The doctors said it wasn’t anyone’s fault, nothing caused it. You didn’t do anything.” 

“Then why don’t you talk to me?” You asked, softly. 

“I’ll talk to now, if that’s what you need.”

“No,” you shook your head, as more tears fell from your eyes. “Do it because you want to, because you want me to be a part of your day.”

Jaebum didn’t say anything, and after a moment he got up and walked away. 

You leaned back into your seat, drawing your knees to your chest. You buried your face into them as your body began to shake. The rain wasn’t stopping, and the winds were causing the rain to loudly fall against your window. All the droplets that were waiting washed away. 

You felt the seat next to you sink, and you lifted your head to find Jaebum in front of you. Your chest hurt, it felt as if someone had stabbed a knife into and kept on turning it round and round, taking pleasure in seeing you wither in pain. 

“I went to get tea,” Jaebum spoke as you watched him, “Have you eaten today?” 

You thought about it, before shaking your head. 

Jaebum nodded, before lifting up a plate of sandwich towards you, “Here.”

You wiped your runny nose on the long sleeve of your hoodie before taking the plate, “Thanks.” 

Jaebum’s eyes remained on the sleeve of your hoodie and you gasped, “Oh, sorry I completely forgot that you didn’t like that.” 

“It’s okay,” Jaebum managed a smile, “you don’t like it when I shake water out of my hair.” 

You managed a smile back. 

You took a bite of the sandwich and chewed it slowly, watching Jaebum as he ate his in small bites, “Are you okay?” 

He sighed, before placing his sandwich back into his plate, “I just feel so... I don't know how to describe this feeling. It’s not sadness, not as much anymore at least. It’s this feeling like I’m waiting for something, or more like someone is waiting for me. And it feels weird in my chest, like I have to be somewhere, but I don’t know where.”

You smiled at that. 

“You’re like the rain,” was all you said. 

Jaebum looked over at you, and after a long moment chuckled shaking his head. 

“And what are you?” 

“A droplet, waiting for you to get to me,” you placed your plate on the table, as you sighed. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I wasn't there for you.”

“It’s okay,” Jaebum placed his plate down too, “I wasn’t there for you too, I should’ve fought harder to be next to you.” 

“I hated coming home. I hated waking up and being in this house, in this room,” you told him, and Jaebum’s eyes shone with hurt. “I hated everything about this life, except you.”

“I hate coming back to his house everyday,” Jaebum said, and your heart sunk. You knew that though, you had guessed that much. He would hate this place as much as you, “Every time I thought of not coming back, I thought of you. And as soon as I thought of you, I only saw you.”

“I only see you too,” you whispered back. 

You and Jaebum remained like that for a long time, watching each other as the rain gently fell outside. There were no more words said, no more actions done, but somehow you both were in motion. 

Jaebum watched as you got up and leaned closer to him. You watched with hesitant eyes, your gaze drooping to his parted pink lips, almost waiting for you. You placed a hand on his cheek as you softly placed your lips against his. 

“I love you,” you said, looking into his eyes as you leaned back. 

Jaebum pulled you back in as he whispered, “I love you too.” 

Jaebum kissed you, and you had to hold back the moan at the back of your throat. He placed a hand on the back of you head, pulling you in as he deepened the kiss. 

You let him pull you against him. Your chest meeting his as you settled onto his lap, straddling him. Your mouth opened as your tongues collided. A moan left Jaebum as your fingers gently pulled against his hair. 

Jaebum’s lips shifted from your lips, and towards your neck. You arched your head to the side as he kissed your throat, his tongue licking your skin with every kiss. You moaned, your eyes rolling back, as you closed your eyes. 

Your body burned for him; you burned for him. 

You wanted him closer. You wanted him inside you. You wanted him intertwined with your soul. 

Your fingers reached down touching his bulge beneath your hips. You ran your fingers over the shape, and Jaebum groaned as you pressed your hands against it. 

Jaebum’s hands removed the sleeves from your shoulders, making the loose dress fall, revealing your breasts. He wasted no time as he took a hard nipple in his mouth. His hot tongue swirling around the hard bud, making your mind blur with pleasure. 

You moaned, as he other hand held the other breast, rubbing the hard bud between his fingers. He kissed your breasts all over, worshipping every inch of it. You moaned; a hand in his hair, tugging it slightly whenever he drew the buds between his teeth. The other hand expertly unzipping his pant and freeing his strained cock. 

You held it in your hand, running your thumb over the tip, spreading the pre-cum over the tip. Jaebum hissed, throwing his head back as you touched him. You ran your hand over his length a few times, before positioning yourself over him. 

You rubbed his dick dripping in premium against your wet slit. Jaebum’s hips bucked feeling how wet, hot and ready you were for him. You placed him at your centre before slowly sinking down on him. 

You gasped as he slowly filled you in, as Jaebum let an out a throaty, “Fuck.”

You rested your hands on Jaebum’s shoulder, and sat down on his dick completely. You moaned, your eyes rolling back as you felt Jaebum completely inside you. 

You missed him inside you. 

You opened your eyes to find him watching you already. Your lips parted in a silent prayer, as you rose on his cock before sliding back done. Your body melted into his, your chest pressed against his, your eyes focused on each other. 

You went slow at first, slowly taking in the feel of him. Your hands running along his chest, his back, into his hair. His hands feverishly touching your everywhere, as if he was trying to remember every part of your body. 

Jaebum leaned forward, bringing your right breast into his mouth. You gasped loudly, as a hand gripped his hair while the other arm wrapped around his shoulder. You began to go faster, getting an approving groan from Jaebum. 

His hand went around, squeezing your ass and helping you find a faster and better rhythm. You gasped, groaned, and cursed God’s name again and again as you felt something tighten in your stomach. 

Jaebum moved away from your chest, and brought a hand to your hair. He pulled your hair back, making you look into his dark eyes as your face contoured in delicious pain. 

“Fuck, I missed you,” Jaebum groaned, as he sloppily kissed along your neck. You moaned, your nails digging into his back. Jaebum leaned back, watching you for a moment, making your cheeks flush. 

“I love you, y/n,” he leaned up kissing you as if the end of the world was near. His arms tightened around you, his fingers wrapping tighter around your hair as he pulled you in closer. You kissed him back just as harshly, holding him just as close. 

Jaebum leaned his forehead against yours, and watched you get closer to the edge. His fingers tightened around your hair as he grunted, “Come for me, y/n.” 

A loud groan left you, as you entire body tightened. Your fingers latched onto his tresses, as your nails bit harder into his skin. Jaebum didn’t mind, he continued moving his body, letting you ride out your high as your body began to shake. 

Your pussy squeezed him in tighter, and Jaebum grunted reaching for your lips again as he kissed you harder, and became undone. 

You both remained in each other’s arms as Jaebum fell back against the sofa. You lay on his chest, hearing his heart beating loudly. You placed your hand over it, letting its heat sink into your skin. 

It felt just the same as you in this moment. 

“I love you, Jaebum,” you whispered, snuggling in closer to him. Jaebum slid his pants and underpants off, and took your dress off before laying on the sofa. He pulled the blanket you had been using alone for weeks, and covered it over your tangled bodies. 

He placed a kiss on your forehead and wrapped his arms around you, “I love you too, y/n.” 

After a moment, he added, “More than anything, no matter what.” 

“No matter what,” you echoed, placing a kiss on his neck. You closed your eyes, tired, and took a deep breath in. You missed his scent, his heat, you missed everything about him. 

As you lay in his arms, as the heat from his skin seeped into yours, you finally left alive. You had finally began moving. The sun hadn’t come out yet, but you were already home, with him. 

[kirisaki-daichi-scenarios]

aftermath of manager betraying the boys; p3

by popular request... for "I hope your 2021 is going great and that you are doing well! If you wouldn't mind, would you consider continuing the betrayal manager scenario? 👀" anon, and

"Can we get a Part3 for the manager betrayal that it was her twin or something😭???? I-I can't sleep help (it's fine if you don't want to) anyways stay hydrated 😘. -🐷" anon and

"Part three for the manager betrayal?? Are the trashies going to keep bullying her or ..." anon and

"Hey I know the ask box is closed but when its open again, do you think you could write a third part to the manager betrayal where she gets revenge at the boys and crushes them and makes them scared of her LOL that second part was written very well and im fuming at what they've done to her" anon and @aylablack15 too.

i'm glad people enjoyed the previous parts, especially enjoyed seeing different viewpoints on what this final(?) part should be, and variation in whether people sympathise with the boys or not.

for people who don't know this series, part one is here and part two is here .

and, without further ado...

---------

“Really, I can’t believe you’re graduating soon, Kazuya. I still remember how you cried on your first day of nursery. And now look at you, a young man, all grown up.”

Hara rolls his eyes as his younger brother snickers, and his older brother hides his laugh behind a cough. It’s the bimonthly family dinner today - also known as the only time all brothers are together - and, of course his mother is being sentimental. Whilst all his dad has expressed is surprise that Hara actually made it through all four years of university, his mother has been getting teary-eyed at the idea of it all. (Whether that’s solely due to Hara, or rather her dreams of getting her youngest out of the house soon too, is a separate matter.)

“Me as a functioning member of society,” mutters Hara, shaking his head, “fancy that.”

Dinner continues on that note of Hara vehemently denying that he’ll be a true adult anytime soon, as his older brother agrees that it fucking sucks, and his younger brother snorts obnoxiously at every reference to the younger Kazuya. In particular, he’s been laughing at their mother’s gift for Kazuya’s graduation. An album full of photos from his youth.

Having been looking through the pile of photos again today, she lays one on the table, “that reminds me. Who was this?”

Hara leans across the table to see the photo clearer. It’s a post-match picture, for sure, judging by how everyone in it is smiling and sweaty. 7 people feature: Hara making the rock’n’ roll sign with his left hand, Yamazaki and Matsumoto with their arms around one another, Seto with his eyes half-open, Hanamiya with a basketball balanced on his index finger, Furuhashi at the side standing stiffly, piggybacking the seventh person. Who knows whether the seventh person is smiling or not - their face has been scribbled over in black ballpoint ink.

“You know, I don’t even remember anymore,” replies Hara. In part, he’s being honest - it’s been years since he thought of that figure, and their fingers making bunny ears behind Seto’s head. “I was probably being childish when I doodled on it.”

But, it’s funny. It’s been all these years and yet Hara still feels rage burn within him at the sight of it.

A week later, Hara reunites with Seto, at a cafe a few minutes from his university building. They make an even weirder duo now than they did back in high school. Seto dressed in all black, the only colour a white handkerchief in his top coat pocket; Hara in sweatpants and a hoodie, his hair dyed bright green.

“Man, whose funeral are you attending dressed like that?” Hara grins as Seto sits down at the table opposite him.

“Hopefully yours,” is the reply.

The old team doesn’t meet as much as they used to, yet Hara feels like a kid again when he’s talking to Seto, who’s matured in so many ways but still maintains that slothful mockery. Over cake and coffee, they discuss the good old days and how boring university has been in comparison. Hara complains about not wanting to be a capitalist slave, Seto telling him that even the rockstars he idolises were, in part, such slaves. And, at some point, the conversation turns to the photo. How it made Hara feel seeing that face, or lack of it, again. That curious bitterness.

“It’s the recency effect,” Seto takes a sip of his coffee, "some cognitive bias shit. You remember the most recent situation with that person, despite what came before, and that’s what influences your thoughts on them the most. We didn’t part with her on a good note, after all.”

Hara chuckles, “that depends on whose side you were on.”

He closes his eyes and remembers the last time he saw their beloved manager’s face.

There was nothing stopping them, that was the problem. The team had been disbanded, with no chance for the boys to return to the basketball club if it was ever reopened. Hanamiya had had his relationship with his mother soured, and he’d been kicked out of the disciplinary committee, which meant there was really nothing left to hold him back. Especially not the disciplinary committee, whose fear (respect?) of him grew even stronger after he left. And Hanamiya was usually the one to keep the others in check.

She had thought she was saving them, but they’d lost pretty much everything instead. Now, they only had problems, no restraints, and a toy to take those frustrations out on.

To be fair to her, their manager-chan did try to fight back after some point. She must have realised that any past relations were now rotting six feet under, too far down to be brought back to life, and that her old companions had nothing better to do. Word in the school corridors was that she went from club to club asking if they’d let her join, in attempts of finding an ally. Everyone said no, they didn’t want the trouble. That is, everyone apart from one club - the judo club. With a total of one member. A tall and muscular third year, kind to everyone but with a keen sense of morals. Brunette too, coincidentally.

That alliance worked for about a week. Catching sight of her with the brunette kept Hara and the others away - he wasn’t stupid enough to pick a fight he couldn’t win, it would make him look like a moron. And Judo-Man was everywhere where she was. Probably had a crush on their beloved manager, Hara remembers Matsumoto joking (they got closer, strangely, in the aftermath of the breaking up of the club), probably jerked off to her “thank you so much, senpai, for saving me!!” squealing.

The funny thing is, that tactic of hers might have worked, if Judo-Man hadn’t resembled Kiyoshi Teppei so closely. That was enough to mean Hanamiya would never let this go. One evening, he arranged for the team to meet up. Teach this moral fucker a real lesson about morals when it comes to fighting - that there are none if you want to win. That poor fuck got a lesson on every single move in the Kiridai Basketball Team inventory. Furuhashi even brought a knife.

And what was funnier was that they had no real problem with him, except for how he got involved in their business, and the colour of his hair. They might have even let him go after a few kicks and punches, had it not been for manager-chan in the background, begging for them to let him go. Hurt her instead. Leave him be.

Hara remembers it well - the feeling of his heel meeting Judo-Man’s chest, the sight of blood making his own roar so loud that he couldn’t hear himself think. Seto holding their precious manager back, clamping his hand over her mouth when she tried calling for help. Yamazaki spitting in her direction as they left.

They’d left her poor victim lying on the ground unconscious, and let their manager call an ambulance for him. But only after Hanamiya had given her a final piece of advice.

“We here at Kiridai operate on a two strikes system. You snitch a second time and you’re out.”

Both she and Judo-Man never showed up on the school grounds again. Rumours were rife. Some said that he’d gotten her pregnant and they’d run away from home together. Others said that she’d killed herself.

“But she didn’t”, says Seto now, “I met her, a few months ago. She was working at bookshop I had stopped by at. I didn’t recognise her at first, until she recognised me, and the look on her face made it easy to put a name to the face.”

“And you never did anything really bad to her,” Hara takes one final slurp of his drink, “I wonder what she’d think if she saw me.”

“Don’t go out of your way to find out. We did enough to her.”

“Yeah, yeah, live and let live. It was just a thought, that’s all.”

But it’d be interesting to see her again. Partially to see her expression, but mostly to see how he’d feel. Would it remind him of his violent youth, bring that that brilliant anger that encouraged itself onwards to excessive levels? Or has he matured now? Would he feel guilt? If she’s hot these days (only if she’s hot), maybe he’d even apologise.

“Where did you say you saw her again?”

Seto rolls his eyes. Hara cackles. He’s thinking that Hanamiya would love to get involved with a game like this.

--

part 4

[cvtqr]

we only have 15 minutes, sugar

pairings; eren jaeger x reader

content warning; mentions of past jean x reader, oral sex, masturbation, recording, manhandling?

february 19th

you always found eren jaeger attractive, especially tonight at this party. his long hair thrown up into a messy bun, his white shirt with water split on it - making it see through. god you were about to start counting his abs. but who you were really here for? jean. you guys weren’t in a relationship or anything, just friends who liked to help eachother. it started off when you guys would go to eachother for advice or he would find himself in your dorm room ranting to you. just helping eachother with little problems of course. that doesn’t mean sucking his dick was that much of a stretch from it, right?

anyways jean was in a frat house, along side eren. they were throwing a party, and somehow jean convinced you to stop by. you didn’t know if you were regretting it or not. jean was no where to be seen so you just sat yourself on the kitchen counter drinking some punch you found in a bowl. you were admiring eren from a far, remembering all the bad things jean had said about him. how he just annoys the living shit out of him. but god, how attractive he was. you could’ve sworn you looked down at your phone for not even a minute when you heard someone clear their voice right in front of you. you looked up to be met with eren.

“uh hi?”

“hey hey! erm- y/n. we had physics last semester together. eren, eren yeager.”

yeah, i already know your name

“oh hi!”

“my friend reiner over there says he knows ‘ya too. wanna come play truth or dare with us in the backyard hm?”

slipping your phone into the pocket of your shorts, you jumped off the counter, centimeters away from eren.

he let out a low chuckle, placing his hands on the counter, trapping you inbetween the granite and himself. he looked you right in the eye before reaching one of his hands back to grab a chip in the bowl behind where you were sitting. your breathing shakened a bit and you rolled your eyes at him, looking down.

he let out another chuckle before grabbing your chin and tilting it up, forcing you to look at him. “no need to roll your eyes sugar. if you were expectin-wanting something else, just say it. i’m not a mind reader baby.” he gave you a little wink before letting you go and backing up.

“i erm- i gotta pee i’ll meet you guys outside.”

he gave you a small head pat before running towards the back door.

right when you turned around to head to the bathroom you crashed right into jean, stumbling back a bit.

“oh hey jean!”

he sent you a blunt hey and started walking to the back door with an annoyed look on his face.

tch, what’s his problem.

your little bathroom excuse wasn’t actually an exuse, the amount of punch you were drinking finally caught up to you. right after you sat down your two best friends since birth, sasha and connie came bursting through the door, hysterically cracking up.

“YOO IM TRYING TO PISS.”

ignoring your comment they both collapsed onto the counter laughing their asses off.

you lightly smacked sasha on the back of her head, since she was the laughing the closest to you. “i swear if one of you idiots don’t tell me what the problem is-”

“YOUR BOYFRIENDS ARE OUTSITE FIGHTING OVER YOU-” connie said between laughs practically screaming.

“my who?”

“JEAN AND EREN. I-I ASKED FLOCH WHY THEY WERE FIGHTING AND THEY SAID IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU AND HOW JEAN IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU ARE SO GOOD AT SU-”

“GOD SASHA YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL HER THAT PART”

“CAN YOU GUYS STOP SCREAMING!”

“SORRY, sorry y/n. apparently jean saw you and eren in the kitchen and well, tried beating eren up.”

letting out a sigh you pulled up your pants and ran out of the bathroom.

running outside you found jean knocked out in the arms of marco and eren standing up, wiping some blood out of the corner of his mouth while winking at you. walking right up to him you slapped him right across the face.

he let out a deep, long chuckle.

“i need to talk to you.”

“lead the way sugar.”

you grabbed his arm and pulled him inside while feeling every single pair of eyes on you.

“where’s your room.”

“if you wanted to get me in bed you could’ve just asked baby.”

god can anyone be that full of themselves

“no - no. i don-”

“i’m just joking sugar. follow me.”

he grabbed your hand and led you up into his room, closing the door behind him.

“what the hell was that all about.”

“for the record he started it. he got jealous for no reason and i wasn’t going to let him use me and his rag doll. and you shouldn’t be with someone like jean anyway. you should hear the way he brags about you being his bitch whenever the house is hanging out.” eren plopped down onto his bed

with that you didn’t know who to be mad at this point. he patted his lap signaling you to come over and sit on it. ignoring him you rolled your eyes and sat down next to him, causing him to chuckle again.

“you should clean your wounds that looks pretty deep on your cheek. and take a shower you smell like dirt and grass.”

he got up and headed over to his bathroom door. leaning on the door frame he turned back around.

“only if you stay.”

“hmph, i’ll think about it.”

15 minutes later eren walked out of the bathroom. you were no where to be found. he did know that he’d get back to you one day, considering you left your phone number on a gum wrapper in place of where you were sitting.

february 26

friday strolled around as quick as ever. this week you talked to eren a few times. he texted you on sunday night to have a good week. sicne he was being nice you replied with a “you too:’)”

after that he texted you yesterday afternoon asking if you wanted to come to another party. you never responded, and now it’s friday, 2:05. you just finished all your classes, and you’d be lying if you said you had anything else to do. well except for the pile of homework you usually wait until sunday to do.

sighing you texted him back saying you already had plans and wouldn’t be able to make it. after that you decided to take a short nap. what you thought would be a short nap turned into you sleeping until 6:30. you figured you should get up and get some dinner. you decided to grub hub some taco bell and eat it in the dinning hall. after getting your food you sat down in the corner of the room. it was pretty empty since it was pretty late for dinner.

“ouch, i’m offended.”

you turned around at the familiar voice

“even jean could convince you to come out but i get some lame exuse.”

“it, it wasn’t an exuse. i do have plans.”

“yeah with yourself.” he pulled over a nearby chair and sat next to you.

“i ditched the party, it was pretty boring.”

“so you came to bother me?” you said while still stuffing your face with your food

“yeah pretty much, you wanna hangout?”

“i mean do i really have a choice?”

he leaned over and grabbed one of your nachos, shoving it in his face.

“no not really sugar.”

rolling your eyes you threw out your garbage and led him to your dorm room. since it wasn't that far of a walk, neither of you said anything on the way there. he just simply followed you. 

once you got into your room you shut the door behind you. 

“if you’re sitting on my bed then shoes off.”

“demanding” he said while slipping his shoes off and plopping onto your bed

“soo..” he said as you sat down next to him.

“wanna watch a movie or something? i see you have a tv in here.”

“sure, let me just fix my blankets so get up.”

he nodded and chuckled, getting up. you pulled down your comforter so there was room to get in, and threw all your blankets into the corner before grabbing your remote and slipping into your bed.

“is this an invitation to come lay with you under your blankets.”

“shut the light.” you said while pressing power on the remote. 

the last thing you remember from that night was cracking up with eren over some stupid movie the two of you put on. before you knew it you woke up with a tight grip around your waist. you look over to see eren, still sound asleep. he was so pretty. you figured the two of you just fell asleep while watching movies yesterday. moments like these you were grateful your roommate was on back at home for family issues.

you tried slipping out of his grip before he pulled you back in and groaned. he was still sleeping so you figured you weren't getting up anytime soon, so you closed your eyes and drifted off back to sleep. you woke up about two hours later to find no eren, but a note.

forgot i have to work on a project with floch. i had fun last night, lets do it again soon :)

you were in a good mood the rest of the day. 

may 15 

its almost been four months since you've met eren. you also cut off your contact with jean. he was a good fuck while it lasted. over the last four months you and eren got closer than ever. hanging out almost everyday, going to parties together, falling asleep cuddling every weekend, you name it. yet again, friday came around. instead of cuddling, you and eren decided to go to a party at some sorority house. 

three hours later you were sitting in a circle with a bunch of people you recognized / were friends with. you were all playing a game of truth or dare, cracking up at each other. everyone’s secrets were coming out and people were doing some crazy things. and the list of things we had to do on campus was piling up. for example, connie has to pull a prank on professor ackerman during class on monday. until it was sasha’s time to ask you.

“hmmm. OH Y?N! truth or dare babes!”

you really had to think this one over. sasha had the power of exposing every single one of your secrets if you picked truth, but she's also kind of crazy so who knows what she would dare you to do. after a small debate in your head you went with dare.

“i pick dare.”

“alright! hmmMMM. i dare you to go into an empty room with eren for 15 minutes.”

you felt the heat rush up to your cheeks when you stood up and stretched your arm out for eren to grab. 

you both left the living room and headed up to a room while hearing the small, faint giggles from your friends.

entering the room eren shut and locked the door behind the two of you.

“so.. what do you wanna do?”

“hmm. we only have 15 minutes, sugar.”

this is it. the moment you've been waiting for. you had eren right in front of you. just go up and kiss him already! 

as you slowly walked up closer to him. he flipped the both of you, pinning you up against the wall. 

“let me see if you taste as sweet as I've imagined, sugar. pleaseee you don't even want to know the amount of times I've fisted myself to the mere thought of it.”

you gave him a nod and that was all he needed to pull you off the wall and push you down onto the bed. pulling up your skirt and pulling down your panties, he grimly smirked. 

“don't you dare cum without my permission.” was all he said before going between your legs and flicking his tongue onto your clit. your breathing quickly became heavy and irregular before he shoved two fingers, palm deep into your cunt. 

“ahh~ f-fuck eren-” you blurted out while starting to move under his touch, slightly bucking your hips up. 

that was until you felt a strong pair of hands hold your hips down. 

“stop moving or i’ll stop.” he hissed out before going back down on you, eating you out more forcefully than before, brining you right to your climax.

“f-fuck eren i need to cum- please let me cum. pleaseee~”

“no.” he said while pulling his fingers out of you.

“the only place you’re cummin’ is on my cock. you hear me?”

you wiped away the slight tears forming in the corners of your eye while nodding.

“that's a good little girl.” eren said while smirking

he swiftly grabbed you and flipped you over onto all fours, while shoving your face into the mattress. your first reaction was to perk your ass up for him.

“well someones eager aren't they.” was all he said before pulling down his pants just enough for his fully hard cock to spring out. he could've came just to the feeling of eating you out. 

he leaned down into your ear while whispering, “as sweet as sugar.” he started jacking off while still leaning down, before quickly cumming all over your ass. 

did he just?

he pulled up his pants before getting up and heading up towards the door. 

“well sugar, looks like our time is almost up. we should get back to the ga-” he was cut off by you running up to him and clinging right onto his shirt. practically crying you were blurting out small no’s.

“f-fuck the game, er - eren please just fuck me.” you were so desperate to the point where you were choking on your words. 

“aw, i’m sorry baby i didn't mean to make you cry.” he said while stroking your hair and patting your head. “come suck me off in my car and maybe if you do a good job i'll take ya home and fuck you, yeah?

may 18

sitting in your first class of the morning you were bored out of your mind. getting some lecture from professor ackerman after connie drew all over his desk.

that was until you got a snapchat notification from eren. opening it you were oh so grateful you had your headphones in. it was a video of eren cumming all over his laptop with a video of him shoving his cock oh so deep into your pretty little cunt. 

with the caption of missin’ the taste, sugar :’(

you’d be sure to pay him a visit during your lunch break.

[nobutfredweasleytho]

YOU JUST DON’T LISTEN(F.W)

Summary: Fred’s ex girlfriend writes him a letter to explain the how him using her wrecked her emotionally.

Warnings: angst, like a lot of angst, depressed Y/N, mentions of self doubt, a little swearing, mentions of parents not loving correctly, used reader. Let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: Major thank you to Gabriella @onlyfreds for being an amazing person and encouraging me to write whatever this mess is. I am forever grateful to you

(The font is terrible Im sorry im just getting used to working on tumblr)

Fred Weasley checked the muggle clock on his nightstand. 10:30 AM. His mom will call him for breakfast anytime now. He has been awake for quite some time if he can even count the 30 minutes he tried to sleep but couldn’t, not when every time he tries to close his eyes his mind and eventually dreams are clouded by her. By the last time he looked at her, how devastated she looked, How her face was wet from her tears and her eyes bloodshot red, but the thing Fred will never be able to forget is her voice. How raw and vulnerable she sounded while saying the most horrible thing’s anyone has ever said to him, but he can’t blame her, he has no one to blame but himself because in the end it was he who caused all of this and now its come to bite him in the ass. He hears the door open and his twin brother George enters.

“Mom says breakfast is ready and she wants you downstairs. She says she’ll drag you herself if you don’t show up again today.”

“Tell her I’m not hungry and I’ll come grab a bite later.” I really don’t feel like being surrounded by other people right now. Not in this pathetic state I’m in. Besides it will take me willpower I don’t have to not hex Ron into oblivion.

“Well she will not take no for an answer and I wont either. What’s done is done now and you’ll have to face the world someday so start with your own family because everyone down there is worried sick about you and the least you can do is show your face once in a while so they know you haven’t died of starvation or sleep deprivation.” George has worry written all over him and I’m sure the rest of the family has it too. I feel even more like shit for worrying them.

“Fine. But I come back here if she is mentioned are we clear?”

“We weren’t gonna mention Y/N anyway now lets go moms worried sick for your dumbass.”

Breakfast was going smoothly with Ginny and Ron being exited for Quidditch season, Harry and Bill discussing the unfortunate events of the Triwizard tournament last year, dad asking Hermione about a rubber duck whatever that is, but the most shocking thing is mom asking me and George about the joke shop products. George is doing most of the talking but still the fact that shes even asking is awesome. I was finally feeling peaceful this whole winter break until I heard a hoot outside the window.

“I thought it was Tuesday but since mail is here does it mean its Friday already? Oh how fast time is going.

“No Arthur honey you are right it is Tuesday, Bill or George can one of you see if that owl has the owners name attached to it and bring whatever letter he has here to see who is it for.”

Bill got up from his seat and went to the window next to the countertop to look at the mystery owl. “Do we even know a Y/N Y/L/N?”

The room went quiet. The only thing that could be heard was the owls hoot asking for its treat. Bill seemed not to realise this as he took the letter from the owl, gave him a treat and sent it on its way.

“To Fred Weasley from Y/N Y/L/N… Who’s Y/N is she the girl you’ve been crying over this whole time huh Freddie?” Bill chuckled but I just grabbed the letter. I had no time to even be mad at him because once again my mind fogs up with only her. I couldn’t help but feel relieved and the happiest I felt in a long time. She has forgiven me. Y/N forgave me. That has to be it. Why else would she send me a letter?

“I had a great time with you guys but there’s important matters for me to attend so I have to go to now. Thanks mom the breakfast was amazing as always.” And with that I sprinted towards my room, locked the door and examined the letter in my hands. It was a bunch of them in here. I went to mine and George’s worktable threw some papers that were on top of it to make room for these letters and carefully opened the envelope.

The first thing that I grabbed was a photo. It was a polaroid of me and Y/N on the Gryffindor common room. Happiness filled my heart when I started remembering this night. I looked at the back of the polaroid and surely enough there was a writing on it.

Fred and Yn on the Gryffindor common room at 1 AM the night she turned 17. Listening to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”. Picture taken by major 3rd wheel George Weasley.

Tears filled my eyes when I remember this night. It was the night I looked at her the way I always should have. Not as a replacement of someone who didn’t care about me.

The next one was also a polaroid photograph but this one I don’t remember being taken. It’s a picture of Y/N teaching me how to play the guitar. I can make up that we are in her dorm but not more as the picture is taken in black and white. I look at the back and surely this one also has a writing on it but the handwriting doesn’t look familiar at all.

A drunken Y/N accompanied by a even drunker Fred trying to play the guitar in the middle of the night. If I fail my charms exam tomorrow I’m killing you both but right now you two look adorable. Picture taken by Cho Chang.

The third one is an actual letter. I chuckle looking at the handwriting. Always so precise and not even one line out of place. I always thought Y/Ns handwriting always contradicts her hot headed persona but it’s actually really cute. I start reading the letter and my heart stops.

Dear Freddie,

I can only imagine the shock that receiving a letter from me would cause you right now especially after our last conversation.

But I have a lot to get off of my chest and I wont be able to move on if I haven’t said it all. Call me a coward but I was really scared to ask you to meet me so I can say it in person, but maybe that’s what I have always been. A coward. A coward because I get scared when someone wants to enter my life, a coward because I hate trying new things at the expense of failing, a coward because I should be able to confront people who brought darkness and sadness to my life.

But one thing I will admit Fred Weasley is that I wasn’t a coward when It came to loving you. It was the first time that I let someone come into my life and heart the way you did, and it will probably be the last. Throughout our “relationship” if you can even call it that as it was more of you customizing me to be her, to be someone I’m not. But that’s why you even talked to me is it, because I reminded you of her.

The signs were right in front of me and I feel stupid enough not to have seen them. But I guess people are right when they say love is blind. Love is such a funny thing to me as the first time I experienced the right kind of love was through you. But that was me creating stuff in my head. You didn’t love me no, you loved the idea of me. But I loved you. I loved you more than anything or anyone I have ever loved, I loved everything about you. But you just don’t listen. You don’t listen to anyone around you. Not George, not your other siblings, not Lee or any of your other friends for that matter, not your professors, but most importantly you don’t listen to me.

You didn’t listen when I told you that the love my parents gave me was only because I reminded them of my brother, the love my old friends back home gave me was one of interest. Everywhere I go no matter who I talk to no one will love me for me. I came to accept that until I met you.

You were funny and crazy and brave and oh so gorgeous. You were basically everything I looked for in… well everything. In a friend or in a partner it doesn’t matter. I thought you saw me for who I am. A broken teenager with issues but that at the end of the day was deserving of love. Oh how wrong I have been but no more wrong than you. You knew this but you just didn’t listen.

That makes us both horrible people now does it. Me who thought you were some kind of savior or some kind of saint and selfishly wrapped myself around your love and you who used me because I remind you of your ex girlfriend who broke your heart. But mine is excused I feel like and yours isn’t.

You would have kept me going for who knows how long just so you can live your imaginations you had for someone else.

Did you think about her the first time we slept together?

Was I not enough for you Freddie?

Was I too clingy too soon?

Is it my hot temper that gets the best of me?

So many questions will be left unanswered on my end because frankly, I never want to speak of you again. Sure I am deprived of love but I will not take it if its not directed directly at me.

I still care about you and will continue to support you and George on whatever you set your mind into. I was waking through Diagon Alley last week and saw this little store with a “for sale” sign. It’s right in the middle of Diagon Alley. I hate how my first thought went that you would have loved it but I seem to do that a lot recently.

I’ll get dressed and think would Fred love this skirt or this shirt.

I start applying lipstick and I’ll think will Fred love this color.

I start eating and I’ll think does this look good enough that Fred would’ve stolen a piece of it when I’m talking to Ginny.

I don’t even know why I am telling you this. How pathetic I’ve become clinging into someone that doesn’t want me.

Anyway I’ve probably bored you enough with my ranting but I wouldn’t have been able to move on unless I said everything that felt heavy on my heart. I also attached some photos I thought you’d like to keep seeing as now you can see yourself with Kayla without having the burden to be near me.

Say hi to your siblings and Harry for me.

Have a nice life,

Y/N

[crash-cinematic-universe]

tiger lilies, self destructing, and richard siken

pairing: peter maximoff/reader

summary: to peter maximoff, love is an anomaly that scares him more than anything else. however, you might be able to help him overcome his fear.

warnings: language! but that’s about it. kind of cheesy at some points but yknow what im not lactose intolerant

notes: this is the monsterous fic thats been kicking my ass this past week (6.2k words babey!!!) i was originally going to add ~~steamy~~ section to this one but i decided against it to make it readable for those who don’t wanna see that kind of stuff. if you want me to separately publish that then just lmk!!  (if any of yall wanna talk about richard siken to me then please do, his work is so good)

taglist: @stranger-names ,  @gooseyhouse , @parkersdarling​ 

1. 

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- no pun intended. His speed is a blessing, but also a bitter curse. He moves at the speed of sound, bouncing off the walls and tearing up the roads; he moves impossibly fast, and no one ever tries to catch up with him. People get tired of Peter rather quickly, not bothering to get attached to him when they know they can’t keep up. 

That’s why it’s so jarringly startling when you decide to stick around. When faced with the grand decision of throwing in the towel and leaving Peter behind or sticking around and trying your best, you chose the latter. It was surprising, to say the least. Peter waited patiently for the distance between the two of you to start growing; he waited for the void you once filled to open up again. However, the void never emptied, and the distance never grew. 

To anyone else, this would be a wonderful experience. Knowing that you wouldn’t be left behind or forgotten about would be comforting to anyone else in Peter’s position. However, this did the exact opposite for Peter. He wasn’t comforted or relaxed, on the contrary, he was always on edge. The future was cruel, and the mystery of it all felt like torture. 

To quote the great Richard Silken, “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Peter lived and breathed by this ideology, that everyone he loves would have to leave eventually, whether it be by their own volition or not. It was obvious that you didn’t plan on abandoning ship anytime soon, so Peter decided he’d take matters into his own hands. If you weren’t going to be the first one to walk away, then he’d be the one to run away from you. He soon came to learn that loneliness was at its most bitter when you’ve come to taste the sweetness of love. 

Love was a strange, complicated beast that Peter Maximoff had never dealt with before. If he were to be completely honest, love scared him. It scared him more than dying scared him. To Peter, death was an escape. Death was the end of a tiring journey, it was safe and simple and easy. Love was the opposite, it was the mouth of a dragon and the edge of a blade. It was the beginning to something so fragile and powerful, something that could end in flames. 

Peter realized he loved you on a summer afternoon. The sun was shining and you were in the shade. He sat down next to you, and within minutes Kurt and Ororo appeared at your side. They seemed so put together, so sure and strong. Peter felt out of place-- he felt as if he were standing outside of a cabin looking in through the window at your wonderful friendships. He watched with his nose pressed against the glass as you walked across the room and opened the cabin door to let him in. 

Peter realized he was in love with you in the middle of the night. A thunderstorm raged outside the mansion walls and raindrops kept time as Peter walked down the hallway. You were sitting on the floor of the common room next to a dying fire, a book clenched tightly in your hands. For a moment, he just stood against a wall and watched you. As creepy as he felt, a part of him believed he’d ruin your night by making himself known. He was okay with being a fly on the wall if it meant he’d get to see you. Peter wondered if there was a world where he had the pleasure of knowing you, without you having the burden of knowing him. 

Still, you saw him. And you knew him. And you waved him over with a smile. He felt the urge to run, to leave you here alone with yourself, but he stayed put. Then, one step at a time, he moved forward. He got closer and closer before he found himself standing at your feet. 

“You’re welcome to stay,” you told him. He believed it. Peter sat down next to you, letting his shoulder brush against yours.

“What’re you reading?” He asked. Peter already knew what you were reading, he read the cover of the book the moment he sat down, but he still wanted to hear it from you.

“Crush by Richard Siken,”

“Oh. What’s it about?” Peter already knew what it was about. He’d read it at least fifty times.

“It’s kind of hard to explain. I’d much rather just read it to you and let you decide for yourself,” Peter’s stupid little heart lurched, and he almost cried at the thought. He held it together, though. 

“That would be nice,” He said softly. 

“Sorry about all the writing in the margins, I can’t help myself sometimes.” Peter scanned the sides of the pages, marveling at your notes. Some of them were reactions, littered with exclamation points and question marks and bold letters. Some of them were underlined phrases and little doodles-- most notably a little drawing of a chameleon on a tiger lily. He loved them.

“It’s okay. Literature is meant to be marked up-- what’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?”

“That’s a good point,” You grinned. Then, the reading began, and you allowed Peter to rest his head on your shoulder as you read to him. Even though he’d heard the poems a billion times by now, they sounded brand new coming from you. He listened closely. You were arriving at his favorite part, “You are Jeff” section 24. 

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you...” You read on, not noticing the way Peter’s eyes had shifted from the book you were holding to your face. Peter’s mind wanders, and he curses himself for missing the lines you were reading “... You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.” 

Peter felt like he was going to cry. You kept reading and he kept looking. It was getting late, and Peter was getting tired. Your voice had softened and slowed, and the fire that was burning in the fireplace had all but died. Peter was the one that fell asleep first, and you followed closely after. Both of you had lingering smiles on your faces. 

2. 

Intimacy is an odd thing, isn’t it? Thinking critically, intimacy is just vulnerability with more layers. It’s the closeness between people, it’s allowing yourself to connect with someone you care about. It’s stripping yourself down to muscle and bone and hoping the other person doesn’t let you bleed out. It’s a level of trust that is more than closing your eyes and falling backwards; it’s closing your eyes and letting them push you over the edge into the unknown, and trusting them enough to know you’ll be okay when you hit the ground.

It didn’t take long for Peter to realize that he had trouble with being intimate with other people. Too many times had trusted someone to push him over the edge, only to realize he’d be shattered when he hits the ground. After that, he decided intimacy was overrated. It’s not like anyone was going to have that kind of relationship with him, anyway. 

Of course, then you came along and uprooted his entire worldview, like you had with everything else. He found himself thinking about you at every waking moment, which inevitably led to him… thinking about you at every waking moment, if you catch my drift. Sure, intimacy involves more than just physical intimacy, but Peter knows he can’t ignore the feeling that rises in his stomach whenever he’s around you. For the first year or so of your relationship, Peter became very familiar with the feeling of an ice-cold shower. 

What Peter didn’t take into consideration was you. For some reason, Peter struggled to understand the fact that you were just as attracted to him as he was attracted to you. It was no secret that Peter was insecure, but he never really realized how much his insecurity affected his relationships. If he couldn’t love himself, how could anyone else? Peter is the only one who gets to see his persona in its truest form, and every time he has to avert his eyes. It’s safe to say his physical appearance has been the cause of very many painful-- and occasionally tear-filled-- sleepless nights. 

He told you this. He told you everything. He told you about Erik, he told you about his childhood, he told you about everything he loved and hated and feared and yearned for. That ordeal alone was scary enough, knowing that at any moment you could decide you didn’t want to deal with him anymore, but as always, you stuck around. You told him everything. You told him about your family and your struggles. You told him about everything you loved and hated and feared and yearned for, and not once did Peter even think that he wanted to walk away. This is the kind of intimacy that, over the years, Peter had struggled with less and less.

Still, it was the sexual aspect of intimacy that freaked him out. It was a beast he’d never dealt with, a feat he’d never faced. That being said, as every day went by Peter became more and more… frustrated. He didn’t know how to approach the subject, so he'd just let the subject approach him and wing it. 

And as he sat on his bed watching as you twirled around to Tears for Fears “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”, Peter realized he didn’t have much to worry about. 

“Dance with me, dollface,” you laughed, reaching out for him. You looked like someone straight out of a movie, the lim blue light coming from Peter’s arcade machines illuminating a halo above your head. You put Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez to shame. Peter took your hand, grinning like an idiot as you twirled him around. 

There he was, dancing in his mother’s basement with his favorite person in the entire world. He wasn’t a great dancer, and neither were you, but that didn’t matter. Peter was dreading this visit-- he hated the idea of being back in the basement that made him feel like a failure. But you assured him that you’d be there with him, and that getting to see his family would make it all worth it. His family isn’t what made it worth it, though. 

“Brain Damage” by Pink Floyd came next, slower and a bit more somber, but still danceable. Your arms shifted to around his neck, pulling him closer than he already was. Somehow, you ended up with your back against the wall as the song came to a close. He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips.

“I love you,” Peter spoke softly. This was a small victory-- he’d been so scared of the mere idea of loving someone. You were the only one who got to hear his love confessions. They were for you, and for you only.

“I love you too,” Peter would never, ever get tired of hearing that. Knowing that you love him is enough to keep him going for a hundred years. And he knows the odds, he knows that love is rocky and painful as much as it is beautiful. He knows that love can feel sweet in the beginning and go sour overtime. He knows that first, second, third relationships don’t always work out. But he thinks this is going to work out. And Peter doesn’t think this will ever go sour. Maybe that’s his blissful ignorance talking, maybe he’s jinxing it, but at this moment, he doesn’t care. Right now he is at his happiest, at his most content. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” You asked softly, pecking Peter on the cheek. He could feel the warmth radiating off of you, and Peter grinned. In an instant the tv across the room began playing the opening credits to the first movie that popped into his head. 

“The Breakfast Club?” You questioned. Peter shrugged.

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for a good coming-of-age kind of movie,”

You sat against the headboard of Peter’s bed, allowing Peter to settle beside you. Your head rested on his shoulder, and he was quick to grab your hand. Peter loved the closeness. Over the past year, he’d come to realize he was a very affectionate person. Previously, Peter hadn’t known soft, physical love; the only time anyone would ever touch him would be as punishment or defense, not love. Love. Peter had gotten more comfortable with the idea of love, because when he thinks of love he thinks of you.

3. 

Every good story has a villain. A villain that you love to hate, or hate to love. A villain you can sympathize with, a villain you can’t excuse, a villain that the mere mention of makes you sick to your stomach. An unexpected villain. An obvious villain. A villain that’s just trying his goddamn best. Sometimes the villain is defeated, sometimes the villain changes their evil ways. Sometimes the villain dies and the crowd cheers. 

Peter Maximoff never thought he’d be the villain of his own story. He tried his hardest to be a good person, but there was always that side of him that made him afraid. He was like an explosive; whenever someone got too close, he’d detonate and destroy everything around him. It was a self-defense tactic, albeit counterproductive. 

It killed you to see him that way. He told you about the relationships he’d lost to himself. He told you about the abandonment and the loneliness. It broke your heart. He tried to distract himself, drowning himself in work so he’d never have the opportunity to ruin what he had with you. Peter Maximoff was a walnut tree; every time he planted his roots and began to grow, he’d kill anything that grew too close. However, the constant working started to wear Peter down.

It started with the late nights. He’d collapse next to you at four AM, knocking out the minute his head hit the pillow. Still, he’d be awake before you were, already scrambling around trying to complete various tasks. He was like a machine that was running from it’s problems. The late nights turned to all-nighters, and the few hours Peter managed to salvage set aside for sleep had shrunk to a few minutes at a time. He didn’t eat anything with even a hint of nutritional value. At this rate, he was going to work himself to death. 

The worst part? Peter knew what he was doing. He wasn’t stupid. He just needed to shut up the little voice in his head that urged him to act out. The entirety of his childhood, Peter destroyed what he created. The need to be isolated, the feeling that he deserves to be alone spread throughout his body like a cancer. He locked himself away in the basement, trying desperately to stay out of everyone’s way so they wouldn’t shut him out. People tried to coerce him out of his cave, to pull him out of the bottomless pit he threw himself into. Peter saw them as the sirens trying to lure him into the ocean of loneliness, and he wasn’t going to fall for it. In his eyes, anyone who tried to help him were the villains of his amazing, heroic tale. Fortunately for him, one by one, they started to give up on helping him. They thought he was a lost cause; a fucking loser who was destined to wallow in his own self-pity until he died. At first, this was a triumph. He defeated them, he outwitted the sphinx and slayed the dragon. But a part of him hated himself for becoming the worst-case scenario that every parent feared their child would grow up to be. 

He pulled himself out of his pit and back onto his feet, all by himself. It was hell on Earth, but he did it. That cancerous feeling of uselessness retracted back into itself, now residing in the place next to Peter’s heart. However, that horrifying fear of becoming a burden began to grow again, this time when Peter was in his mid-20s. He began to overcompensate, and that led him to where he was; always on the brink of collapse, running on nothing but coffee and twenty minutes of sleep. In return, Peter got to have friends. In his mind, that was fair. In your mind? Not even close.

You managed to catch him in his bedroom as he was in the midst of simultaneously scribbling in a notebook and reading an open novel. Peter Maximoff would always be the most beautiful person in the world in your eyes, but at that moment, he looked like hell. Your plan seemed foolproof, but then again, you weren’t sure what you were walking into. Lately, Peter didn’t seem like himself. Probably because of the lack of sleep. 

“Peter?” He looked up at you, eyes half-lidded. “I got you something.”

“You did?” A sleepy smile was all he could muster, but that was google enough for you.  

“I did. It’s to mark exactly three years since I first met you,” you sat down on his bed, placing the small wrapped book right next to you. Peter glanced at the calendar on the wall-- oh god, you were right. It’s been three years to the day and he forgot. He deserves the title of “World’s Worst Boyfriend”. Scott will probably be upset that he’s losing his title.

 “What’re you up to?”

“Finishing up some old work I’ve been putting off,” he punctuated his sentence with a yawn. “Some of my old work and some of Hank’s, too.” “Why are you doing Hank’s work?”

“He seemed stressed about something, thought I might help clear his head,” The sentiment is sweet, you’ll give him that.

“Alright, well, can we talk for a minute?” Alarm bells went off in Peter’s brain. There has never, in the history of the universe, been a good conversation that started with ‘can we talk for a minute?’ or any of it’s cruel variants. 

“Actually, I’m kind of busy right now, can this wait?” It was obvious that the answer to that was no, but still, he felt the need to ask. 

“Not really, no. It’s important.” Peter saw the next few seconds playing out in his head. The inevitable had come to fruition; you realized that you could do better, and now you were cutting him loose. He couldn’t blame you, not really, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to rip him to shreds. He realized that whatever you brought for him was most likely a parting gift. How sweet.

“Oh. Alright.” 

“Well, I’m going to give it to you straight,” you sighed. “I’m worried about you, Peter.”

Oh. He’s heard this speech before, he knows the spiel. He can vaguely recall a guidance counselor telling him the exact same thing before Peter decided to call him a slew of expletives. The tar pit in his chest began to grow.

“I’m fine.” This was a lie. The first lie in a long chain of lies that Peter was about to tell to you, his favorite person in the world. He loved you, but in that moment his vision clouded over. You weren’t the person he loved and cherished anymore, no, you were just another faceless blur that provided a temporary escape. 

“Really? I feel like you’re pushing everyone away, you’re pushing me away.” Peter was becoming more and more irritated by the second.

“I told you, I’m fine. I’m not pushing you away. 

“Don’t lie to me,” your voice is firm and unwavering. “You don’t sleep, you almost never eat-- I don’t think I’ve seen you stand still for more than three minutes once in the past month--”

“That’s just how I am,” Peter huffs. He wanted this conversation to be over. “That’s not your problem.”

“Your wellbeing is my problem, Peter, that’s the whole point of being friends with someone. Even more so now, because you’re my partner and I care about you--” 

“Then stop,” Peter rolled his eyes. He's more irritable than normal-- most likely because he hasn’t slept in days. He could almost feel the venomous arms of isolation creeping around him. It’s a sick pattern, he knows; every time someone gets close to him, he feels the need to self-destruct before they lose interest. Even now, even after all this time, Peter’s still powerless against the poison in his veins. 

“What?” You’re losing your reserve and your stature. He can tell. You’re slouching and picking at the cuticles on your thumb. It’s almost as if he’s been shoved into the back seat, and is now being forced to watch as a stranger takes the wheel and crashes the car. So much frustration, so much hurt, and it’s all coming out right now, onto you. Peter already regrets this entire interaction, but still, he manages to spit acid. 

“Stop caring. Just leave, I know you want to. I know every night, you lie awake and think about all the different ways you can leave me in the dust. Not that it would matter to me.” This is another lie. Your eyes flash with hurt, but you stay put. You know he’s just being an asshole because he’s exhausted and too stubborn to admit that you’re right. He’s egging you on intentionally, trying to get you to snap and walk away. 

 “Peter, god, I love you but sometimes you can be so...”

“So what? C’mon, be honest with me,” He huffed. 

“Frustrating,” You surrendered. The poise you once held was gone. “I know it isn’t your fault-- I know you’ve trusted so many people so deeply and been betrayed or sold out and I know you’ve loved so many times and been thrown to the curb without a second thought. But I don’t know what I can do to convince you that I’m here for you, and that I love you. I’ve tried everything, and it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. I want to make this work, but I need you to work with me.” It’s evident in your voice that you’re desperate. You’re just hoping you’ll get through to him, somehow. “I need you to want it as bad as I do-- hell, I need you to want it at all.” Here it comes--

“You ever think, maybe, I just don’t want you to be that person for me? I’ve spent my life being independent, my entire existence so far has been built around the fact that I’m going to end up alone. People come and people go-- people like you and Charles-- and they tell me they care. They tell me that they love me and that they're here for me. And then they get tired of me and they leave. I wish that you would just leave me the fuck alone and let me live in solitude,” There it was. The lie to end all lies. The words tasted awful coming out of his mouth, and the whole ordeal left his mouth tasting very… sour. Peter had to look away, he couldn’t look at the expression on your face.

“Fine. If that’s what you want.” Your eyes never met his, but you paused before you exited the room. “I know you’re probably just… I don’t know, going through something, but you’re being an asshole. Don’t talk to me until you’ve sorted your shit out. Enjoy your solitude.” You left the room impossibly fast, your fists clenched so tightly Peter feared that your nails would break the skin on your palms. He struggled to keep it together-- why the fuck did he do that? 

Peter collapsed onto his bed, and it’s only then that he realized you left behind the gift you got him. A part of him thought he should return it to you, but the other part of him urged for it to be opened. He tore the wrapping paper off before he realized what he was doing. The hardcover book the wrapping paper concealed was handbound, the cover littered with your beautifully familiar handwriting. In big, bold letters The Best of Poetry in the Humble Opinion of Y/n L/n was scrawled at the top. 

Peter vividly remembers a late night you spent talking to him. You told him about your favorite poems, outlining each and every little detail you loved about them. Some of them he’d read already, some of them he hadn’t, but all of them sounded like artwork coming from you. He opened the front cover, and you’d written something else on the inside. 

“In the words of the wonderful Peter Maximoff, ‘What’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?’. This is me, sharing the love.” 

Carefully, Peter opened to a random page in the book. He saw the notes in the margins and the doodles and the exclamation points and before he knew it Peter was on the verge of tears. He was barely containing himself, and then he read a specific annotation you made. 

He had opened to the first page of “The Worm King’s Lullaby”, one of your all-time favorites. A specific line was underlined, one that Peter was all too familiar with: “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Beside it, you wrote:

“As much of a genius Mr. Siken is, I have to disagree with this. If you love someone enough, you’ll never leave them and they’ll never leave you. Even if they die, even if things don’t work out, you’ll always have a little part of them to carry with you. Carry this part of me with you, Peter. Not that I plan on leaving anytime soon.” 

That was it. The floodgates broke. Everything that Peter had held back came pouring out-- the past 10 minutes finally caught up with him, and they hit him like a bus. He sat in the corner of his bedroom, his knees pulled up to his chest so tightly he thought his legs would snap. Peter wanted to rip all his hair out or punch a hole in the wall or hold his head underwater until he was nothing but an obituary and a headstone. His chest burned and the pit of despair inside his chest had overtaken his system, and he hated himself with a burning passion. Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Why the fuck did he do that?

Peter Maximoff had his breakdown in solitude, revealing in the fact that he was, undeniably, the villain of his own life.

4.

As it turns out, ‘getting his shit together’ is much harder than Peter originally anticipated. He's trying, he really is, but it's hard. Especially without you there. Peter knows that he fucked up, and he knows that he needs to work for your forgiveness. And don’t worry, he’s going to work for it. 

It had only been a week, but the entire mansion could tell that something was off. Life just wasn’t the same without the randomized gusts of wind that would knock people off their feet; no one had been seriously injured or had something stolen from them. The whirlwind that was mansion life, while still chaotic, lost it’s fun. 

Charles tried to keep things running smoothly, but he was an old man and didn’t exactly understand you and Peter. People would knock on your door every now and then, but you didn’t answer. You were much too busy analyzing exactly how much of a bitch you were being-- realistically, the answer is 0%, but you didn’t see it that way. No, from your perspective, you saw Peter having a mental breakdown and you ditched him. Pretty shitty move.

What you didn’t realize was that Peter was doing the exact same thing, however, the blame falls mostly on his shoulders, and boy does he know it. He’s been scripting his grand apology, trying desperately to find the right words to express exactly how sorry he is. Peter was never very good with words-- it’s always too hard to know if you’re going to say the wrong thing and mess everything up. Although, it’s hard to see how the scenario could get any worse.

He made the executive decision to start with “I’m sorry”-- a solid start to any apology. Sure, he could stop there, but Peter realized that he’d probably need more to win back his partner. So, he managed to scribble down a few more lines on a tiny notecard he was supposed to use for studying. Oh, what a wondrous redemption arc this would be; Peter gets into a fight with his wonderful partner and ruins their relationship and then struggles to come up with a coherent apology. 

“I’m sorry about what I said, that was shitty. I shouldn’t have said that.” Peter’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration. God, he was going to die alone, wasn’t he? Maybe this is the cruel punishment the world is dealing to him, the universe is deciding that Peter’s redemption arc would be better if it, well, didn’t exist. Even so, he isn’t planning on giving up or giving in just yet. 

He scrapped what he had so far and started at the beginning once again. His 9th grade english teacher would tell him to write about what he knows, and though he doesn’t know much, he’s an expert when it comes to himself. Peter knows how he feels about you, he knows how sorry he is, and he knows that he really, really, really wants you to know that he didn’t mean a word he said about not wanting you. Peter knows about love, at least a little bit, and he realizes he’ll need more than just words.  

His mind drifts to that night, years ago, in front of the fireplace. He vividly remembers a tiger lily and a chameleon scribbled in the margins of your book. Realistically, Peter couldn’t get his hands on a chameleon, but a tiger lily was a different story. In high school, Peter took a botany course because he thought it’d be easy. It wasn’t, it was boring as all hell, but it seems like his slacking paid off. He knew tiger lilies were indigenous to Asia, but they’d become quite common along New England-area roadways. 

Peter grabbed his jacket and took off, tearing through the roads like his life depended on it. In less than 10 minutes, Peter found himself in the middle of New Hampshire drenched in rain. In hindsight, he probably should’ve checked the weather before leaving. Nevertheless, he takes off into the small wooded area that laid passed the road’s end. Dozens of mushrooms dotted the muddy ground and mossy rocks clouded his peripheral vision. The rain begins to lighten as he spots a bright orange tiger lily peeking through the remains of a tree stump. He sprints over to it.

The tiger lily is bloomed and beautiful and Peter can’t tear his eyes away from the wide array of speckles and splotches and color. It’s pristine, but some of the petals are torn or wilting. The roots stretch into the stump below it, and Peter leans closer. The stump is old and worn, fungi and bugs eat away at the base next to a large hole where a family of worms reside. The stump is ugly, sure, but it’s useful. It helps keep the bugs fed and keeps the worms warm. There’s a metaphor here somewhere, but Peter is too distracted to find it. 

He gently picks the flower and spins on his heel, taking off once again. The rain makes it harder to run, but it’ll take a lot more than water to stop Peter. By the time Peter gets back to Xavier’s the flower is a little crushed, but it’s still somewhat pristine. 

He has the flower, he has the apology, and now all he needs is courage. Thankfully, that courage comes quickly as he instinctively knocks on your bedroom door. He probably should’ve stopped to collect himself, but he was riding a wave of adrenaline that wouldn’t come back. 

“Go away, Jean,” You called from inside. You sounded tired, and it made Peter sad. 

“It’s-- uh-- it’s not Jean,” Peter can hear your hesitant footsteps approaching the door, and suddenly the courage he managed to build up drained. His hands are shaking by the time you open the door. You look up at him, and Peter looks back at you, and suddenly everything is much harder to do. He looks down at his feet. 

“Hi.” Your voice is hoarse, but clear. 

“Hi.” Peter’s voice is uneven and quiet. You stand there in silence for a minute before Peter pipes up again.

“So, uh, you’re probably still mad at me and I get that, but I just want you to hear me out. I-If that’s okay,” You nod slowly, and Peter takes a deep breath. He thinks about the written apology that sat in his coat pocket, and he makes the last-minute decision to forget about it. He’ll speak from the heart, or, whatever people in rom-coms do. 

“I’m sorry. It was really shitty of me to get angry at you because you were worried about me-- although, I guess shitty is an understatement. Everything that I said about, yknow, not wanting you or Charles or anyone else around anymore wasn’t true. I need you guys, and I love you guys and it was unfair of me to push you away. Solitude really sucks. I guess I’m just not very good at navigating relationships,” He exhales, and his chest shudders. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I just thought I should make it clear how I feel.” It’s only then that he remembers about the tiger lily in his hand. “Oh, and this is for you.”

“A tiger lily?” you smiled softly. “These are my favorite-- how did you know?”

“I’m just observant, I guess. You usually draw them when you’re bored, I figured you’d like to see one in person,” You gently took the tiger lily in your hand. The silence that hung in the air was deafening, and Peter realized that was probably a bad sign. His chest drops just a bit, and he takes a small step backwards.

“I guess I should probably leave you alone--” Peter can’t get very far, because you immediately jump forward and wrap your arms around him. Eyes wide and heart pounding, you can feel Peter’s arms lock around your waist. 

“Thank you,” You whispered. “Please don’t go.” Peter was smiling so hard his cheeks ached, and a horrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The close-contact was refreshing; he didn’t realize how much he missed it until that moment. He was pretty sure he would never, ever let you go. Not again.

5.

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- that is, until you came along. You proved to him that he deserved physical affection, that his mutation and his personality and weirdo quirks didn’t make him lesser or unlovable. Peter Maximoff deserved love, and you were the one who never failed to love him. 

You sat on a wooden chair in front of the fireplace, reading to the group of children sitting at your feet. The emotional lines of “Snow and Dirty Rain” fell from your lips, and with every turning syllable the small group would listen just a little bit closer. Peter did, too, desperately trying to hear every single word you said. Class was almost over, and once the students were dismissed you’d probably stop reading.

“I made this place for you. A place for you to love me. If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is,” Your eyes tore away from the page to look at the kids at your feet. They fell upon Peter, and a smile erupted on your face. 

Peter vaguely recalls the twisted idea of love that he held as a teenager. He thought love was a dragon to be defeated, a battle that could be won or lost. It’s clear now that love is the opposite-- it isn’t a fight or a battle or a thing to be conquered. It’s more like a flower; it needs to be cherished and cared for in order to grow. Sometimes the flower wilts and dies, and that’s natural, but sometimes the flower lasts for a lifetime. 

Love wasn’t a dragon or a knight, it didn’t have a hero or a villain; it was much more like a tiger lily and a tree stump.

[princesssarcastia]

2021 Harry Potter Fanfic Primer

im here to point fingers at the incredible authors that have enabled my new interest in HP content.  im still conflicted and upset about it, tbh, but for now we’re leaning into the curve.  we’re getting out our shovel and finding out just how deep we can make the hole we’re in.  hand in unlovable hand my beloved <3.  anyway, these fics are wonderful, their authors are wonderful, and you should go read their stuff. if there’s a star next to it that means im losing my mind over it and always will be.

Creatively Maladjusted, by elumish on AO3, 101k  (they also have a wonderful writing advice blog on tumblr, @elumish, which I recommend following if you are a writer) 

A very excellent re-telling of harry’s first year at hogwarts if he were sorted into Slytherin, plus some more not!fic or piecemeal re-tellings of his second and part of his third year.  Harry, in this, has a slightly different trauma response to growing up with the Dursley’s.  He’s a bit quieter, and the signs are a bit more obvious to the people around him, and I enjoyed that immensely. 

Honestly, if you’re going to get sucked into something you have absolutely no business getting sucked into, elumish is the way to go, their fic is incredible. their teen wolf fic is also immaculate, if you’re so inclined. 

Dissonance, by ImpishTubist on AO3, 2.5k (@impishtubist on tumblr)

Set during fifth year.  Oblivious!Harry has always been a delightful trope when well executed, and this is well executed.  Plus, some angst between Remus and Harry over what Umbridge has been doing to him.

I would certainly recommend a lot of ImpishTubist’s other hp work on AO3, like Lacuna.

blow us all away, by rexcorvidae on AO3, 23k (@rexcorvidae on tumblr)

In progress (like, updated last week in progress).  Currently in the beginning of Harry’s first year.  Fem!Harry, Indian!Harry.  Hagrid puts Harry in touch with Remus when she has questions about her parents, and they become reluctant, traumatized, angst-ridden pen pals who keep missing each other’s true intentions like ships in the night.  hot DAMN do I love this fic.  there’s hints of the way the dursley’s treat Harry peaking through in her letters, and I appreciated the attention to “hmm, her experience as a girl of indian descent in britain under the thumb of a bunch of white people who like being Normal may not have been gucci”

Definitely comb through the rest of their HP fic, too, I may or may not have gone feral over it.

Where the Heart is, by silver_fish on AO3, 15k (@kohakhearts on tumblr)

Woof.  This one said, “hey, harry was probably SUPER depressed in the summer after fifth year.  like, clinically.  maybe someone should do something about that.”  Fuck yeah.  Then this one said, “that someone was Snape.”  You all know my opinions on Snape; generally, Bad.  But damn if this fic didn’t wholly convince me by the end of it.  I thought it was a very realistic way for Snape to start seeing Harry as a person all on his own, and not a proxy for Snape’s angst over James and Lily, respectively.  The angst is wonderful, the ending is even more so.

*bernie sanders voice* I am once again asking you to read through the rest of the author’s HP fic.  a lot of them have similar themes; there’s actually a great one with Molly that i’m not reccing here, Wonder.

☆Bindings, Bindings, by Quietlemonhush on AO3, 60k (@quietlemonhush on tumblr)

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I ENJOYED/AM ENJOYING THIS.  If I had to pick a single fic and say “you, it’s your fault I’m stuck here,” it would be this one.  Anyway Lily in the afterlife is So Very Angry about how Petunia is treating Harry, and how Sirius is rotting in Azkaban, and how Remus is alone, that she literally brings herself back to life and drags James and Regulus with her.  All three of them are there to chew bubblegum and fix everything that went wrong after they died—and would you look at that, they’re all out of bubblegum!  There’s only Fury left.  That inciting premise is very crack, but every moment after that is very much not crack.  Lily and James love harry more than anything, the way a child should be loved; James and Sirius have the epic friendship of a lifetime; Sirius and Remus have staggering amounts of resolved sexual tension and take turns keeping each other in check; Regulus, though he realized that Voldemort and his family were shit before he died, is still unlearning all his racist bullshit and, also, years of trauma.  Actually, they’re all traumatized, but hey: now they have one another again and not a damn one of them seems inclined to let go anytime soon.  Quietlemonhush went, “hey, HP has a lot of Awful people in it, and a lot of Righteous people in it, and many of them are Very, Very Powerful; also, love is the most powerful force in the universe” and i said “hell yes tell me more right now.”  And then they did!

Quietlemonhush writes Sirius/Remus in a way that makes it sooo much fun to devour, so the rest of their HP fic is most certainly worth a look, if that’s your thing.

Rebuilding, by Colubrina on AO3, 113k (@colubrina on tumblr)

Hermione/Draco (*shrug emojis into the abyss* yeah, yeah, like none of us have ever been there before).  Takes place during Hogwarts 8th year, and while the beginning is, IMO, a little unfair to Ron, it gets much better.  Tells the story of Hermione and Draco clearing the air, learning to like each other, having some hormones over each other, and then falling in love.  Also tells the story of Hermione and Theo Nott becoming friends; the story of how every single 7th and 8th year student is fucked to hell by the war and the Carrows; the story of how they start an emotional support group about it and all become friends; and the story of, what the hell do you do with yourself after that kind of trauma?

I’ve been dipping in and out of Colubrina’s HP since before I was even on tumblr; I actually found them in those dark yesteryears when the only fandom interactions I had were on fanfiction.net.  Of such fame as Green Girl, which is an HP fic staple, and has also written a lot of wackier, crackier, and darker things than that.  If you don’t take yourself too seriously, I highly recommend many of their big HP works, though I imagine it’ll press some people’s buttons.  Colubrina’s work really does take up a corner of my mind whenever I’m in an HP mood, and will take up yours if you let it.

☆ all waiting is long, by shuofthewind on AO3, 149k ( @shu-of-the-wind on tumblr)

This is so well written that I can’t stop thinking about it.  It is occupying my mind when I lie awake at night, you know?  It’s one of those.  Hermione messes with something she probably shouldn’t have in Grimmauld Place, so when Sirius is sent through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, she gets thrust into an alternate universe...in 1975.  Instead of handwaving it away, shuofthewind actually gets into the mechanics of it in a way that makes sense, to emphasize that hermione is never going home.  ever. The world she finds herself is shifted slightly to the left, quite a bit darker, but in a “the author is treating the idea of a society-wide conflict over blood purity much more seriously than JKR ever did” way, not a sensationalist way.  Now, Hermione has to grapple with all her grief at losing everyone she’s ever loved or known, the moral/ethical/magical implications of sharing what she knows about her future in an alternate world, and, you know, a goddamn war with people who want to murder her for being who she is.  This Hermione is smart, and she’s kind, and she’s powerful, and she’s making real friends.  If you hate JKR’s guts I’d go read this right now, because it delivers in all the ways she failed us.  It’s plotty, its got great world-building, and it pulls back the white curtain on the wizarding world to show you that, like real life, it’s multicultural and full of queer people...and the discrimination that comes with both.

shuofthewind write epics, mainly for the MCU, and I’ve read some of them a looooong time ago, so this fic kinda seemed out of left field for me but im SOOOO GLAD it exists.  If you want MCU fic you can sink your teeth into, go for it, but alas, they do not have any more HP fic (.......yet?)

Speak Now [+] Listen Now, by mrsfrizzle on AO3, 33k altogether

Harry reaches out to Remus for support because Umbridge is getting to him with her literal torture.  Remus, being a former professor, former mandatory reporter, person who loves Harry and has since he was born, and all around good man, tells Harry he has to tell someone, or Remus will.  It’s everything any adult looking back on that time in HP canon ever wanted, which is for an actual adult to say “what the fuck, those are literal chidlren” and then do something about it.  Then, a far more dangerous task: Harry trusts Remus enough to go to him about the Dursleys.  Harry and Remus’ relationship develops SO WELL, and there’s a bit of exploration about how Sirius may not exactly be guardian material, because he did in fact spend 12 years of his life getting tortured instead of growing up.  I think I’m actually going to go reread this right now, because it speaks to my id.

they do have some other HP fic which did not appeal to my hyperspecific wants, but may appeal to some of yours.  I think they’re also a published author, there should be a link on their profile page.

chase the stars, by Duskglass on AO3, 101k (@felix-duskglass on tumblr)

When Harry is five years old, a picture of him ends up in the Daily Prophet, and Sirius Black, Terror of Ministry Officials Touring Azkaban everywhere, gets a hold of that issue.  He then, in order: breaks out of Azkaban; crosses the countryside to Surrey; Finds Harry: Kidnaps Harry; Breaks Into Remus’ Apartment; starts processing (or maybe just acknowledging) his trauma from Azkaban, the war, and his childhood; and pines after Remus.  It’s a little plotty, and deals a lot (sometimes through flashbacks) with the specific awful things that happened to Sirius—largely because, after years in the constant presence of Dementors, those are nearly literally the only memories he has left.  It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to love Harry and Remus at all.  But then, maybe it isn’t.

This is a Very Serious Fic, but the rest of Duskglass’s HP work is actually just cracky enough to tickle your funny-bone, while still making you think “okay but why couldn’t we have done that in the first place.”

So!  That’s it for recs, for now.  These are all things I’ve found and read in the last month; if any of y’all are interested in my old HP recs, let me know and I can make a post for that, too.  While I’m still very conflicted about my choice of current fandom, I am not in ANY way conflicted about my taste in fic and authors.  Send these guys some love, read their fic if you’re so inclined, and leave some nice comments at the end of it.

[misscorn]

Day 7: Future/Post Confession

I can't believe yet another @takaritsuweek has come and gone so fast 😭❤ everyone in this Fandom is so talented and im obsessed with the nostalgia content 💘 please enjoy my last one shot for this week ☺

***

Onodera Ritsu was being weird, which could only mean one thing: something was wrong and he wasn't talking to Masamune about it.

Masamune had really hoped that things would go smoother after Ritsu confessed, but that was foolish. Masamune was so, undeniably happy, but they weren't perfect people. Both of them still had things to work on, separately and together. One of those things was more readily relying on one another. So, Masamune was determined to find out what was wrong.

Ritsu just seemed a lot more...spacey than usual. And anxious. And maybe a little gloomy? Masamune couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he knew that he didn't like it.

Currently, Ritsu was over at Masamune's apartment, helping to clean up the dishes as the two of them had just finished dinner. Ritsu was at Masamune's place quite frequently and Masamune always brought up the idea of moving in together, but Ritsu hadn't quite come around to it yet, mostly because he knew for a fact that it would affect any work the two of them brought home. Masamune got...distracted easily and Ritsu tended to get swept away. So, for now Ritsu was content with a lot of sleepovers.

Once they finished cleaning, Masamune led Ritsu into the living room by his hand. He sat down unceremoniously on the couch before pulling Ritsu down with him and on to his lap, making Ritsu's face burn red.

I kind of hope he never gets used to this, Masamune thought, loving the sight of Ritsu's adorably embarrassed expression.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ritsu asked, trying to sound scolding, but he only succeeded in sounding nervous.

Masamune wrapped his arms around Ritsu's waist. "I just want to talk and I figured if I have you like this you won't be able to run away." Like how you love to do.

Ritsu couldn't even argue against that logic, but he made a displeased face anyway. "Fine. What is it?"

"Is everything okay with you?" Masamune asked.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine." Ritsu said dismissively.

"You just seem like you've had something on your mind lately." Masamune said. "Making me worried."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." Ritsu apologized immediately.

"Don't say sorry, there's nothing to be sorry for, I just wanna know if there's something going on." Masamune said, trying to sound reassuring.

Ritsu chewed on his lower lip nervously before he spoke again. "I guess I have been thinking a bit..." He started vaguely.

"What about?" Masamune pressed gently.

"Well, my mom's gotten off my back about An-chan, but not about settling down. She's been trying to set up matchmaking sessions, introducing me to daughters of friends of hers whenever I visit, sending me info about singles events." Ritsu tried not to cringe at the thought of going to one of those. "And I just...I think maybe it's time I tell my parents about you. About us." Ritsu said. "I mean, I know we only started officially d-dating not too long ago, but I feel like we're both kind of in this for the long haul." He laughed nervously. They've both been in this for the past ten years, after all. It was hardly too soon to let his parents be in the know. "So, um, it seems only right to tell them..."

"If you want to tell them then you should." Masamune said.

"You make things sound so simple." Ritsu sighed. "It could go really, really wrong, you know?"

"I know. But the other option is keeping it a secret forever. Which, you can if you want, but it might be difficult to eventually explain to your parents when they visit why you have a longterm male roommate and you both wear matching wedding rings and share a room and take care of a little girl who calls both of you dad."

Ritsu's face flushed at Masamune projection of their future together, his heartbeat picking up in pace. "You want to have a daughter?"

"Someday, I think it'd be nice. But we're not even past the step of me meeting your parents, so I don't think they're going to get grandchildren anytime soon." Masamune planted a quick kiss on Ritsu’s shoulder.

"W-Wait, meeting?! I was just going to tell them, I didn't plan on having you meet them yet!" Ritsu said quickly.

"Ritsu, this is your mom we're talking about. If you tell her I exist she will track me down and interrogate the hell out of me whether you want her to or not." Masamune deadpanned.

Ritsu groaned and slumped against Masamume, knowing that he was right. "Maybe I should just test the waters first? It doesn't seem fair to throw all of us in at once."

Masamune hesitated to agree, subconsciously playing with Ritsu's hair. "I want to be there." He said firmly. "I understand you're worried, but like you said, things could go wrong and I want to be there for you if they do."

"You're only one door away." Ritsu said.

"Too far." Masamune insisted, pressing a kiss to Ritsu's forehead.

Ritsu rolled his eyes, trying hard not to smile. "You're absolutely ridiculous."

"Mhm. Besides, I can't charm the hell out of your parents if I'm busy next door worrying about you."

"Oh, is that your plan? To be all cool and suave until they can't possibly reject our relationship?" Ritsu asked sarcastically.

"Yes, exactly."

Ritsu shook his head before he refocused and took a deep breath. "How's this weekend?"

"I can do this weekend." Masamune said.

"I'll invite them to my place for dinner and hopefully it will be totally boring and uneventful and they won't care about us being together at all."

"Yeah, the woman who has hounded you about marriage for over ten years is going to not care about you being in a romantic relationship." Masamune said sarcastically.

Ritsu groaned loudly.

Masamune chuckled. "What about your dad? How do you think he'll react?"

"No idea, which is honestly worse."

"We'll handle it." Masamune promised and sealed it with a kiss.

-

"I can't do this, I think I should call them and cancel, tell them I'm sick." Ritsu said as he and Masamune cooked dinner together. Technically it wouldn't be a lie since Ritsu was feeling pretty nauseous.

Ritsu had spent all day yesterday making sure his apartment was spotless and then earlier today he and Masamune had gone grocery shopping together since Ritsu’s options for dinner had been a little slim.

"Oh, yeah, tell your mom that you're sick, I'm sure that will make her stay away instead of making her want to come over more." Masamune said sarcastically.

"You're no help."

"I thought I was being a lot of help, unless you wanna cut the onions." Masamune said, not looking up from the cutting board where he was working on the veggies.

Ritsu huffed and turned away to sit at the kitchen table, putting his head in his hands. He couldn't do this, he was such an idiot for ever thinking that he could. Introducing his parents to Masamune? He had never even mentioned liking men to them! And now suddenly he was going to announce that he had a boyfriend! There was only one way this could go: badly.

"Hey," Masamune said softly, abandoning his cutting station to sit next to him. "Its gonna be okay."

"You don't know that."

"I know, and honestly I'm kind of freaking out too. I don't think there's anything that could prepare me for meeting your parents. I want them to like me, I want them to think I'm a good fit for you because I know they're always going to be a big part of your life. Even if they can be a little overbearing, they love you, and it would kind of really suck if the people who loved you the most hated me." Masamune said. "But, either way I know that no matter what happens we'll still be together and for me that's enough." Masamune placed a comforting hand on Ritsu's knee.

"Even if my mom spends every single family gathering trying to drive you away? Even if she keeps trying to set me up on blind dates? Or, worse, tries to convince my dad to mess with your work?"

"Ritsu, the only thing your mom could do to keep me away from you is put out a hit on me."

"Don't joke about that."

"Oh come on, your parents don't have that many connections." Masamune said. "...right?"

"I really couldn't tell you."

"Jesus Christ." Masamune said, breathing through a laugh. "Look, the point is; we're gonna be okay."

Ritsu placed his hand on top of Masamune's and gave it a squeeze as he slowly nodded. "Okay...okay." He said. "Let's hurry and finish dinner then. My mom likes to get places early."

Masamune smiled softly and stole a swift kiss before happily helping Ritsu in the kitchen once more.

Eventually, there came a knock at the door. "I'll keep an eye on the food while you go get it." Masamune said. Dinner was just nearly done.

Ritsu swallowed hard and nodded, turning to leave the kitchen.

"Wait." Masamune grabbed his hand and kissed him quickly. "For good luck." He winked.

"Y-You're such an idiot." Ritsu scolded before quickly going to the front door and opening it.

Youko and Tatsuo Onodera stood side by side at Ritsu's door. Youko broke out into a smile and threw her arms around Ritsu before anyone could get a word out.

"H-Hi, mom." Ritsu smiled nervously as he hugged her back. "Hi, dad." He said to Tatsuo over Youko's shoulder as he was still being tightly squeezed.

"You feel skinny." Youko said as soon as she pulled away, pouting at her son. Ritsu was not surprised to be scolded instead of greeted, but he knew his mother meant well.

"Well, its a good thing I've invited you over to eat then. Come in." Ritsu said with a sheepish expression, attempting to play it off.

"It smells good." Tatsuo said.

"Ritsu, don't tell me you've left the food unattended for long." Youko said worriedly as they shuffled toward the kitchen.

"No." Ritsu's hands started to shake. "The foods being watched. Right now. B-by my b-boyfriend."

""Boyfriend?!"" Both Youko and Tatsuo exclaimed.

"How long has this been a thing?" Tatsuo asked.

"Oh...ten years or so..."

"Ten YEARS?!" Youko had heard enough, marching into the kitchen with her husband and son following not far behind.

"M-Mom, wait, maybe we should talk a little more-"

"You." Youko pointed accusingly at Masamune. "Are you my son's so called partner?"

"I am. My name is Takano Masamune, it's nice to-"

"Takano? I'm not familiar with that name. What's your family background?" Youko interrupted.

Masamune blinked, glancing between Ritsu and his parents, a little confused by the question. "Uh, my mother is a lawyer and my step father is a doctor, but I'm not on speaking terms with either of them."

"A boy with a troubled family history? Hardly seems like a good choice for a partner." Youko commented to Ritsu.

"Mother! That's incredibly rude!" Ritsu defended Masamune immediately. What was she even going on about?

"What do you do for a living?" Youko asked Masamune.

Masamune played along with her questions as he didn't know what else to do. "I'm the editor in chief for Marukawa Publishing's shoujo manga department: Emerald."

"Emerald? Onodera Ritsu, do you mean to tell me that you are dating your boss?" Youko said, putting her hands on her hips.

"I've heard about the great things you've done for Emerald, Takano." Tatsuo admitted. "But it does seem to be a conflict of interest to be dating a subordinate."

"I've been in love with him since I was twelve! Way before he ever became my boss!" Ritsu said quickly before a realization dawned on him. "Wait...these are the things you're upset about? His family and his job?"

"They're very important things to consider when picking a partner, Ritsu." Youko said. "You know, if you had told me that you were rejecting all those lovely girls because they were girls I could have been setting you up with perfectly charming and handsome men!" Youko pouted.

Ritsu wanted to laugh. And cry. And hug his mom and kiss Masamune and melt into the floor in total relief.

"I'm sorry, but I'll have to object to any matchmaking sessions." Masamune jumped in.

Youko frowned sternly at him. "Just what exactly makes you worthy of my one and only son?"

"I know I'm not the kind of person that you would normally want for Ritsu, but I love him. I've loved him for over ten years and there's nothing that could ever stop me from loving him. I will always, always take care of him and make him happy and if there ever comes a day that I don't then please feel free to come back and snatch him away from me because just like you I think Ritsu only deserves the best. I will always be loyal, reliable, and honest with him. And, if you'd still like to join us for dinner, I can show you that I'm not completely useless around a kitchen."

Youko did not move, nor did her disapproving expression melt away, but Tatsuo stepped forward to put a hand on his wife's shoulder.

"So, ten years huh? That's a long time. Why don't you tell us how this all started?" He smiled as he ushered his wife to sit down.

Ritsu beamed, tearing up a bit.

"Well, I was in our school's library..."

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Wonderwall-part 3

Summary: While all of the avengers facility may be aware of your pregnancy there's someone else who also needs to know.

Pairing: Tony stark x reader x Bucky barnes

Warnings: swearing, Pregnancy shit, angst, 

Wonderwall masterlist

It had been 2 weeks sense everyone found out you were pregnant including yourself. things were back to semi normal. Everyone was treating you like you'd break if things happened to fast and bucky and tony hadn't said a word to each other. Not that they ever actually did speak to each other but now its less than usual. Bruce banned you from going on missions which everyone agreed to. It was the only time tony and bucky had agreed on something so you grumbled and accepted it.

You were currently sat in the main lounge watching tv with your feet up on the table. You had to admit a 9 month break was awesome. you heard the door open and close. “Y/n?”  you heard tony call for you. “over here” you yell back. you see tony round the corner. “hey how are you feeling?” he asks sitting next to you.  “mmmmmm” you grumble closing your eyes. your head falls onto his shoulder. he laughs and you move your head to his lap putting your legs on the side of the couch. “hey so uh I was thinking.” he starts. you tilt your head looking up at him “wow that's a first you say.” you say laughing. 

Tony rolls his eyes. “sorry sorry go ahead what is it?” you ask. “Well sense things have calmed down here for the most part I was thinking of telling pepper. your going to be showing here soon and I just figured ya know” he says. you sit up “uh yea i mean obviously you'd have to tell her and sooner than later makes sense.” you said. “How and when you gonna tell her?” you ask. “Not quite sure. was thinking of taking her out ya know have her mood up before...” he trails off. 

“before shattering yalls whole world?” you say blatantly. Tony makes a face of nervousness. “sorry...just...honest when nervous.” you said messing with your fingers. “I’m sure it'll be fine...right?” you asked. tony shrugged. to be honest he wasn't sure of anything. He hoped she understood this was never intended and that the cause of it only happened because they felt so alone and hopeless.

You already felt sick but the nervousness of how pepper would react made it worse. You launched up running to the restroom hunching over and puking your breakfast out. you groaned and tony came over. he rubbed your back calmly “shh shh its ok” he said softly. you sat back looking at him “ugh i know im gonna love this little one when their born but my god does this suck” you grumbled. tony laughed and pulled you towards him. you laid your head on his shoulder. 

“hey i have an ultrasound next week they'll tell me how far along i am and we’ll see if the baby is healthy.” you said smiling. “that's amazing i'll definitely be there. Is bucky coming?” tony asked. you nodded “yea he's been really supportive actually i'm so happy he's been so ok with it” you say with a smile. “I hope pepper reacts similarly. you got lucky ya know with buck and all.” he says looking down. your smile fades “i know...really fucked this up...Bucky still loves me and I still love him its just....different, hes different.” it was true ever sense you told bucky he had been off. He cared for you and still held you close and kissed you but everytime he left he used to kiss you but this time he just says bye. Its usually in a neutral tone and anytime Tony comes around you can see him become pissed off. 

He cares for you and helps you with the side effects. Helps you with the morning sickness and cravings, dosent get angry when your mood changes every 2 seconds or when you watch sad movies and immediately fall apart. But hes still just...off. You knew he would stay and help but you wondered if things would be good again or if it'll only get worse when the baby is here.

“ok now” you start sitting up and walking to the bedroom, you sat on the bed and tony followed after. “tell me about the missions you know i gotta live through you now that i'm on house arrest” you say as tony sits next to you. “your pregnant not on house arrest last thing we needed was some dude giving you a sob story and you falling apart.” he said with a laugh. you hit his chest “uh huh sure that was why” you said. you moved and layed on the bed, tony laying next to you. “ok ok, the most recent a group tried to pull a major hack into a major bank” he said as you curled into his side. He spoke of how amazing it was to take them down. How steve and hom fought for control as usual. you laughed and smiled but over all you missed your team.

You missed being on missions, missed feeling included and missed the jokes and laughter and overall just missed being with them. you slowly fell asleep during his story. It was just so peaceful and nice you couldn't help it he was so warm and he was rubbing your back. Tony looked down at you and smiled, you looked so beautiful and at peace. Most days you held your guard up though it was falling more and more from your pregnancy. Moments like this you looked so vulnerable and at peace, he loved to just see you so...calm.

 Tony looked up as the door opened and bucky came in. Bucky saw you curled into tony's side and straightened up. He closed the door and looked back at you two. “hey” bucky whispered “hey” tony said back.

“I guess i should go” tony said ready to leave this awkward situation. “no no stay she hasn't gotten much sleep recently with worrying and ya know puking” bucky said walking to the couch and sitting. “im sorry” tony said “Really i am” tony wasn't sure on what to say but he knew he needed to say something, anything to fix this.

“I’m going to tell pepper tomorrow” tony said trying to make conversation. “Y/n tell you she has an ultrasound next week?” bucky asked. tony nodded “I wanted to come if thats ok” tony basically asked for permission. This was new for him he never asked to do anything but he felt like he was overstepping. “their your child of course its ok” bucky said. And with that it was back to silence

“Tony I’m going to ask you this once and i need you to be honest. Do you have feelings for her?” he asked. Tony was taken back by this. Did he have feelings for you? “no no of course not shes your girl.” tony said. bucky shook his head “not what i asked” bucky said. “No i dont i promise” tony said. bucky nodded with a small smile “ok, now on with that, how do you feel?” bucky asked. He felt relieved that tony didn't have feelings for her and it made it much easier to be around him knowing this.

“how do I feel? uh strange i guess. It's strange to look at her and know there's a human growing in there.” tony said. It was strange because she was starting to show slightly and knowing it was the start to a human a child that was his was strange to him. “yea i get what you mean its like you know there was going to be a child there but to see it happening is just something else.” bucky said. 

“yea...i also feel nervous you know, nervous of being a good father. My dad” tony started before looking up at bucky who had straightened up. They never talked of tony's father after word came out of bucky killing his parents. Not that tony talked of them much but it became nothing after the incident. tony looked at tony before looking back down at the bed. “anyways i guess over all else i'm happier than ever. I know i'll love this kid more than life itself so im just...happy.” tony said.

“how about you how do you feel?” tony asked. “happy i guess we talked of having a family before” he said. “what stopped you two?” tony asked hoping he wasn't pushing it. “Well being in the avengers and nearly dying on every mission mostly. then just us not sure on parenting not exactly like she had the best father and I was born in 1917 then when we finally decided to just do it....she went to space” he said looking up at tony. tony avoided his gaze looking anywhere but at bucky. he felt you turn in his arms and looked down seeing your eyes flutter open.

You looked up at tony and gave a soft smile before sitting up and seeing bucky. You looked between the two contemplating how no one got killed in the time you were asleep. “I should go now um guess i'll talk to you after i tell pepper” tony said to you. you nodded and smiled “sure don't get killed” you said before tony gave a small laugh and left. you looked at bucky “no one died” you said with a small smile. he laughed and nodded “nope no one died.” he said. “so does that mean things are ok again?” you ask. bucky nods “things are ok again” he said. you smiled “good” you wanted things to be the way they were where everyone could at least stand one another. where it felt like a family for those without one.

--

Later that night you sat on your bed watching tv while bucky and a few of the others were on a small mission. Anyone who wasn't on the mission was crashing from the last mission. You knew tony was going to tell pepper today which made you keep your phone on hand just in case. your phone dinged and you looked seeing a text from tony. “hide” was all it said. you of course not one to not listen when something says hide, hid in the secret spots you each had that no one other than you knew. It was originally in case bucky went all winter solider again but after that got fixed it simply became a spot incase some people attacked.

yours was a spot in the bathroom, figured it was least obvious, behind the toilet there's a small hole leading to a whole other room prepared with food and water and a bed that could last up to a month. you climb through still with your phone you text back “got it” and sat on the bed. Guess pepper didn't take it well.

You heard the front door slam and yelling. there was the sound of things being tossed around and door opening and closing, probably those who were sleeping and going to find out what the fuck was going on. You sat on the bed waiting and listening to the voices though it sounded like charlie brown teachers you could kind of tell by tone what was going on. Then you got a text from tony saying “come on out, don't worry steve and vision are down here so she won't kill you...or if she does you got back up” you sighed standing up and walking out.

You walked to the living room and saw pepper,tony,steve,vision all standing there pepper looked and stared you down. you slowly walked in “you” pepper said starting towards you. Steve moves in front lighting pushing her back. you hid behind steve “your ok” he whispered to you. “you absolute whore!” pepper yelled at you throwing glass at you. you screamed hiding behind steve fully. “we didn't know we'd be back!” tony yelled. “Pepper-” you wanted to apologize fix everything “No you shut the fuck up!” she yelled. you jumped back and steve put a protective arm around you.

“I don't want to hear it! Were done” pepper said “pep” tony said and pepper turned around slapping him. you moved from your spot by steve to tony. Pepper took the chance and slapped you. you stumbled back and tony grabbed your arm. “done” pepper said walking out slamming the door. steve moved to you “you ok?” steve asked. you felt tears brewing in your eyes. “guess its over” tony said. you pulled away and walked to your room curling up. A few minutes later there was a knock. “mmm” you grumbled. the door slightly opened.

steve came in and sat next to you “you ok?” he asked. you looked up at him and put your head in his lap “I just want to sleep” you grumbled. steve nodded and stroked through your hair. You fell asleep quickly and soon bucky came in. His face was washed in panic. “you heard?” steve asked. bucky nodded “is she ok?” he asked. steve shrugged “said she just wanted to sleep” he said. bucky nodded and sat next to you. “pepper broke up with tony” steve said. “figured” bucky said rubbing your arm. you curl up between bucky and steve. bucky's head rested back against the headboard and slowly fell asleep. steve wasn't sure on what to do so he just stayed stroking your hair as you fell asleep and looking at how at peace his best friend seemed for the first time in his life.

Tig tag list: @vicmc624​