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#anyway it's breakdown o'clock
Real of them tbh
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My dear friend @lvpercalia tagged me to post my 5 favorite songs right now because they know that I love these games and even more when they have to do with music.. So I'm going to be the announcer tonight on Tumblr Radio.
Broadcasting in English so that our friends from different languages can understand. It's a freezing autumn night in the Southern Cone, so we'll start with a chilly song. This is В последнюю осень (In the last autumn) by ДДT
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Dear listeners, we are back. It is important to remember that Latin America allows foreign capital to exploit its mineral resources and pollute its waters. Some mining chemicals that contaminate water and affect life are: Cyanide and sulfuric acid. They acidify the water and cause weakness, hemorrhages and death to intoxicated organisms. Arsenic. Through the consumption of contaminated water and food it can cause cancer, skin lesions and neurotoxicity. Lead and mercury. Aquatic life can absorb them, causing anemia, hypertension, renal dysfunction and neurological disorders. These same effects occur in humans who ingest contaminated food. Anyway here's the wonderful musical arrangement that Insaneintherainmusic made for Mining Melancholy. Perfectly capturing the fear of the monkeys in the videogame lost in a mine and the desperation of the Latino youth in the face of the machinery of economic colonization from the global north.
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Welcome back, listeners. Do we have calls? No? Well, let's continue with this evening. If there are no calls I guess they're driving or something. If you're driving, remember to stop and let the ghosts that roam the road get on. Sometimes they get cold. Sometimes they keep you from getting killed on the highway without you knowing it. Sometimes they reveal forbidden secrets about the future. Desperate secrets. Maybe if a ghost could turn on the car stereo it wouldn't play songs with lamentations, maybe it would play Japanese punk. Maybe they'd play S'il Vous Plait by Otoboke Beaver.
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Welcome back listeners. Do you think Tumblr will ever die? If so, memorize this playlist. What would a playlist be without listeners. What would poems be without someone to read them at 3 o'clock in the morning in the morning when you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Today's chapter is almost over, all because @lvpercalia said only 5 songs and no more! Now an upbeat song for you to finish that thing you're doing. Remember to take breaks. This is Flute Loop by the Beastie Boys
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Listeners, it's been a fun night. If you want to make your own playlist, tag yourselves or reblog this chapter and add your contributions. My hands are too cold and it hurts to move my fingers. But I can find one more song to close this meeting. Remember to close doors and windows, remember to take care of yourselves, remember to watch out for those small, almost imperceptible signs of depression or burnout like Headaches/Stomachaches/intestinal issues. Remember. Remember. Re- We end with the melancholy optimism of “Oh What Fun.” Good night.
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notquiteaghost · 2 years
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today (2nd december 2022) is bandcamp friday! as it was also just spotify wrapped day, and spotify pays musicians Jack Fucking Shit, i am gonna put my money where my anti-capitalist mouth is & link some albums i listened to a shit ton this year. you should check them out
brave faces everyone by spanish love songs: punk rock for the modern-day broke twenty-something, [pretentious bastard voice] a cohesive album with obvious care put into Themes and Flow, fav lyric; But if I burn this place down, / We’d have some heat. / At least I’m seeing things more positively, / Because I swear to god, I’m an optimist.
t.i.a.p.f.y.h. by left at london: hashtag Mental Illness Music. nat left at london is one of the greatest musicians alive rn. fav lyric; “How you’re gonna live like this?” / How you’re gonna live yourself?
things that hurt by cultdreams: self-described sad lo-fi punk, anthems for being full of rage but also real fucking exhausted, fav song; repent, regress
weightbearer by squalloscope: electronic folk for tumblr users with poetry tags. the things squalloscope does with words make me want to eat their songs whole. fav lyric; i am mold, rot, and rust / i have been dying since birth / i was buried alive / dug myself out of the earth
4 o'clock in the afternoon by chase petra: quarter-life crisis pop rock, songs for your 2PM daily breakdown, fav lyric; simulation, I’m on the run from Keanu now / but who cares if its not real / because I can still feel
we live here by bob vylan: grime punk with teeth, doubly recommend if you're british, fav lyric; Voices in the cage are getting way too loud to sleep through / Just fuel for the hatred in my head / Constantly uncomfortable and socially inept
lowlight by rosie tucker: self-described non sequitur equestrian, gutpunch lyricism for 'sad person with guitar' enjoyers, fav lyric; I am a beautiful machine / One part copper, two part dreaming / Hardwired, heartbroken circuitry
the birdwatcher's guide to atrocity by seeming: post-gothic post-human post-folk pop, songs you can build a house and live in, fav lyric; Like a mantis I am praying / Out of habit without saying / Anything
honourable mention, of course, to the mountain goat's bleed out, but i am assuming if you're reading this i don't need to sell you on the mountain goats. anyway go see if your favourite artists are on bandcamp
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reinahwanggg · 1 year
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I Met You At Sunrise • CBG Profile 3
Profiles 3 - Jay and His Six Deranged Kids + Hybe's Drama Page
(detailed descriptions below! oh yeah!)
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•Heeseung (heeseungie01)
full time music performance major, apart of the hybe dance club, student council treasurer, shooting guard for the hybe university's basketball team (go wolves!) and a tenor in the hybe choral. he spends his days minding the business that pays his way through uni, and tries to stay out of as much trouble as possible. he's close friends with beomgyu (so he knows the soulmate agenda like the back of his hand) and he's the second enabler for gyu. he has no issues with it as he himself believes in soulmates. so he doesn't care. he's also close friends with keeho, so he knows more about y/n and shakyla than he'd like to admit. '01 liner
•Jay (thebestjaypark)
the only reason why that's his username, is because his old username was JayPark, and people started sending him all kinds of out of pocket dm's that they had meant to send to the khiphop rapper. he's seen some things man. full time culinary arts major with a minor in music. he's apart of the dance club as well. he believes in soulmates, but he doesn't believe that he has one. just because he believes in soulmates, doesn't mean he enables beomgyu. jongseong has to deal with one hyung, two same aged friends and three deranged youngers as friends, he doesn't need some soulmate junky on his list of headaches either. one break is all he asks for. head baker for the hybe o'clock cafe. '02 liner.
•Jake (jakethedog)
captain of hybe university's soccer team (go wolves!) self proclaimed hybe university's heartthrob. (he's popular yes, but does he get bitches?) most of the girls he flaunts to the group are childhood friends or girls who owe him a favor. in conclusion, sim jaeyun is a LOSER! sunoo has more game in his left pinky than jake does in his entire body. no one understands why he tries to pretend to be a heartbreaker, but he does and they're kinda tired of it. full time physics major with a minor in sports management. totally different areas, but he needed a backup plan just in case he wasted his time with his physics degree. doesn't believe in soulmates, but he does believe in love at first sight (or maybe love at first tweet 😉) someone please get this man a partner. met y/n when they both went on vacation to new york in 2018. they got stuck in an elevator and jake had a mental breakdown that y/n had to talk him through. they've been friends ever since, and he introduced his friend group to her via social media two years later. '02 liner
•Sunghoon (psh2002)
full time sports management major and full time dance major! our second double major! he's also a part time barista at the hybe o'clock cafe close to the park chanwon school of music. he's also the news anchor for the hybe university's daily news. he's in the dance club and the photography club as well. the man barely gets rest is what i'm getting at. doesn't believe in soulmates. does believe in natural forming romance though, so there's that. he sometimes helps hyuka tease gyu because why not? he's the most excited to go on the BHS Trip, and it becomes pretty evident when they get there. people often think he's an admin for the In The Scoop twitter page since he's the news anchor, but he doesn't even follow the account so he was confused after the first allegation. '02 liner
•Sunoo (kimseonwoo03)
full time interior design major and photography major! another double major! apart of the photography club and the dance club (just because he liked kpop dances) he's also a baker at the hybe o'clock cafe. everyone also thought he was an admin for the In The Scoop page, since he literally knew more than half of the school drama, but he's just an instigator. most of his news comes from the twitter account anyway so if its ever debunked, he automatically blames it on them. believes in soulmates and 100% believes everyone has one. third beomgyu enabler. he's the closest to y/n in this friend group besides jake, and he rubs it in the others' faces sometimes. all in good fun though. constant topic of riki's jokes and he's told the younger off a few times when the jokes get too personal, but that's about it. '03 liner !
•Jungwon (sheepgarden04)
recently graduated senior from high school and incoming hybe university freshman. planning on majoring in agriculture and botany. he loves plants and crops and planting them so he wants to study them. he also wants to learn how to take better care of them since last time didn't go so well (rip injang) he doesn't believe in soulmates, and he doesn't care enough to insert himself into the debate every single time it happens. he also plans to enter the dance club and the photography club because he loves taking pictures. he lowkey wants to apply to be an admin for the In The Scoop twitter page because he loves drama despite not inserting himself in it. watch from a distance is what he likes to do. he graduated sixth in his class, and he's kinda proud of himself, y'know. 1/2 of the graduates and the reason they're going away this summer in the first place. '04 liner
•Riki (rikimura05)
menace. cliché but he fits the role so well, i can't think of niki and not think of him teasing his hyungs all the time. the guy literally ripped off a teacher's toupee during his graduation. pure chaotic energy. secretly believes in soulmates, doesn't believe he has one. planning on majoring in dance and minoring in media journalism. he also plans on joining the dance club, the news club and the soccer team. the news club is just so that he can have his own personal time to annoy sunghoon. also for the media journalism. but yeah. 1/2 of the graduates and the reason they're going away this summer in the first place. '05 liner
•Hybe's In The Scoop (hybeunidrama)
the debate as to who runs the account is a mystery that will never be solved (it's chaewon and kazuha) but the twitter account has been around since the inception of hybe university, and has led to the downfall of many uni students that attend. their infamous anonymous mondays has led to countless confessions, good and bad about people old and new, and it is a tradition that is upheld to this day. every third monday of every quarter of the year, the admins hold an application process to recruit another admin to hold it down with them, and the process is so hard to pass that the new admins had to literally rewrite some of the questions to get a better chance of getting new admins. so far, they've only recruited one person.
profile 1 | profile 2 | masterlist | next
• a/n
last profile !!! finally bruh !!!! come back next week thurs and fri for the first two chapters of IMYAS!
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dee-in-the-box · 8 months
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Peter (Dsaf 2): I've always wondered...how'd your hair get like that? N-Not that I mind it or anything! I actually think it's nice. It suits you. It just...feels weird to see you with short hair. Which feels weird to say, given that I've never seen you with long hair...to my knowledge, anyway.
Dee: ...Well, it's...complicated, but long story short: Got drunk in Vegas at 16, had a mental breakdown, and took a pair of scissors to my hair. Liked what I saw, and the rest is history.
...It used to be halfway down my back when I was little, y'know?
Peter: ....Somehow, I can picture that.
(hello, have this art of Dee's Mental Breakdown Haircut™️ from her first time in Vegas.
as well as some P A I N at 9 o'clock in the morning :))
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tottwritesfanfic · 11 months
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So I forgot I actually plotted out my VR AU/2023 nano project a few weeks ago at...well, an o'clock which was definitely well past my regular bedtime.
I mean, I didn't forget that i plotted it out, exactly, but i DID forget just how stupidly I named each plot arc/chapter segment, so while reading it over this evening I've had a proper giggle.
My favourite so far is:
U mad bro? (yes)
I'd say props for anyone who can guess the focal character of this particular plot arc, but given the fandom...i'm guessing it's probably fairly obvious?
Anyway, for shits and giggles, here's the full breakdown of the story, because without context I would pay money to anyone who can guess what happens:
The Birth of Dad Might
Best Brownout Evarr
Regrets, I’ve had a few (this might be better off as a sidestory tbh)
But wait, there’s more!
U mad bro? (yes)
Badass Bakugo Bullshit
Finale, but sans the ‘fin’
Anyway this has been another unscheduled jaunt through the clusterfuck which is my planning process, but it's honestly been a while since I allowed myself to go Full Bullshit, and I can only recommend it.
Also so far I have over 13k of notes for this damn thing, so I am going to be incredibly peeved if I don't get a decent wordcount out of it during November.
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deancas highschool au, 1.8k.
dean's pretty sure it all comes down to being sam's fault.
kid had walked into their last scooby doo marathon without warning at eleven friggin' pm, startling both cas and him (because they watch scooby doo like it's meant to be watched — with all their concentration, goddammit) and consequently causing dean to knock over the bowl of popcorn and get its contents all over (and some inside) the couch.
fast forward from there to the next time dean asked mary if cas could sleep over, and her immediate condition being that they conduct the grand bingewatch (a necessary element of the dean-cas sleepovers) in dean's room instead of the living room, as she could not possibly handle finding more popcorn under the cushions of the damn sofa than she'd already been fishing for, the last two weeks.
so there.
it is absolutely and indisputably sam's fault that dean is right now half-propped up in bed next to his best friend, with a laptop on his lap and fellowship of the ring playing on it, unable to think about anything except the way their arms press against each other, knees brush, and cas's head ends up looming too close to dean's shoulder to not be resting on it.
oh, and how good cas looks in the almost-dark, lit by whatever's happening — dean knows exactly what's happening — on the screen.
just because.
it's past two — which translates to way too late for a gay awakening o'clock — but dean's pretty sure if his heart keeps beating at this rate till morning, he's going to wake up in an ambulance.
this has never happened before. being this conscious of wherever they're touching, this excited about it, or this intent on stealing glances when he's sure he won't be caught. (okay, maybe that one's happened before but it's beside the point.) put together, it is alien and disconcerting.
and dean's not an idiot. he knows — he thinks he knows what's happening. and he knows it's not supposed to feel like a switch flipping because these things — and that's about all of the clarity he can afford — happen over time. and yet it's like he's walked headfirst into a wall on this weird, weird night.
the only thing he knows for sure is that he's never felt this way before. not towards cas, not towards anyone.
well, there's also never been an anyone (else).
but screw semantics — dean's terrified.
and it's entirely sam's fault, obviously, which is why the next time dean sees the little bastard, he's going to —
"dean."
it's cas, interrupting his very subtle, manageable breakdown in his endearingly familiar why-aren't-you-already-paying-attention-to-me voice.
dean hits pause, pressing the spacebar and turning to face his cas-shaped dilemma in the eye. "what, you sleepy already?"
"of course not." cas's tone is haughty, like one of somebody who hasn't been the first one asleep in a single sleepover in the past. dean takes the blow with grace, because he friggin' deserves that. he's been ashamed of himself every, single, morning-after. "i was just wondering if the movie," cas tilts his head towards the screen. "isn't disturbing your parents or your brother. i don't think we've ever watched anything past midnight in your room before."
trust me, dean's brain supplies, i know.
but cas does have a point. there's plenty of loud noises in lotr, and the walls aren't particularly thick. and the last thing he wants right now is for dad to come see why they're not asleep yet, and find them friggin' huddled together on a single.
not that dean minds it.
"well," dean frowns. "what do you suggest? it is sorta late to switch to sleepover games, by the way, if you were planning on saying 'never have i ever'."
"we could use your earphones." cas says, like it's the most obvious thing. "and neither of us ever win in 'never have i ever', dean. or lose, actually. we know each each other too well. why would i suggest that?"
but dean's already stuck on a previous part of cas's sentence. "m-my earphones?"
cas blinks at him. "yes?"
dean swallows.
"unless you want to play 'never have i ever'?"
dean swats at cas for that, which the latter tries to dodge by pushing dean with both hands, until dean's wriggling and swearing at him to stop trying to put him through the wall because either they really are cosied up in that little space, or being in the middle of a really important realization makes you go soft on your opponent.
when cas finally lets dean go with a self-satisfied grin, dean only falters for a moment before planting the laptop on cas indelicately and knee-waddling to the end of the bed to get to his desk.
he finds his extremely well-used black earphones soon enough and returns to his spot, where cas shifts hardly an inch to give him his due space, resulting in dean well and truly sandwiched between the wall and cas, because his best friend is a jackass like that. and of course, the only reasons dean leans further towards cas with practised annoyance etched on his face is because it's the kind of annoying he's supposed to be, and it's october and the wall is cold.
cas, on the other hand, is really not.
"what are you waiting for?" cas grumbles, eyes squinty at dean in the dark, and dean makes a face at him, plugging it in (without needing to look, not that he'd've been able to see a thing in the dark anyways), and offering cas the left earplug.
which cas promptly puts in his left ear — the one that's farther away — because he's cas, and things like which earplug is meant for which ear, matter to him.
dean friggin' loves him.
and it's some time after dean's put the right one in his left ear — because he's not cas is why, and their heads are close enough already — and they've hit play and settled into the comfortable silence of watching a movie they've both seen at least five times in the past and dean's actually begun to pay attention, that he absolutely freezes in his metaphorical tracks, the entire world stuttering to a halt as he tries to register that last thought.
he loves cas.
he said it to himself. he said he loved him.
and that's just goddamn it.
he loves cas.
dean's eyes flit to cas, who's watching the movie without having any life-altering revelations, stuffing his mouth full of popcorn every five minutes (a habit dean can proudly claim to have been responsible for fostering in the first place), not smiling but with a corner of his lip pulled up like he ends up unconsciously doing whenever he's really paying attention, his profile only half-lit with colors, and his closeness suddenly so incredibly flustering.
yeah, well. you've known it for a while, the voice in dean's head that's not exactly his, returns. haven't you?
and maybe he has.
or maybe he hasn't, and it really does feel like a switch flipping for some people. people like him who're zoning out watching lord of the rings one moment, and smitten with their best friends the second.
it doesn't really matter either way, does it?
it's 2:37 am when dean turns his head to the movie again.
inarguably far too late for anything to matter to dean other the fact that he knows. the fact that he knows that he's in love with cas. and the fact that he is.
(maybe he can think of ways to ask him out tomorrow.
or next week.
or maybe he'll chicken out a thousand times until he finally ends up stuttering his way through a severely practised-in-the-mirror confession eight months later, and cas will smile that smile he reserves for dean, and say he can't make it friday because of astronomy club, and dean'll blush even harder because he knew that, he knows that dammit, and then cas will suggest thursday instead, and thursday will be too soon and way too terrifying and just perfect. and then they'll live happily ever after.)
but dean's got all the time in the world to sort out — read: lose his shit over — the maybe's.
right now? being in love with cas is enough.
and being here, watching the last sixteen minutes of one of their mutually favorite movies in bed with his best friend and love of his life, is perfect.
*
dean does end up falling asleep first, yet again, cause turns out achieving self-awareness and spontaneous living-in-the-moment prowess don't do shit to help with being less of an embarrassment.
but this time, he gets to wake up with an arm slotted around his waist, and a warm castiel curled up close behind him, still fast asleep and breathing in light puffs down dean's tshirt, so maybe, just maybe, he doesn't have to chalk this one up as a loss after all.
doesn't mean cas still won't be a smugfaced little shit about it though.
but then, that's probably one of the things dean winchester loves about him anyway.
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thelinthing · 2 years
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Ireland vacation 2022 recap
On Friday, September 2, 2022, the alarm goes off in the middle of the night – half past three in the morning. A dream we've had for as long as I can remember is coming true; we are going to Ireland.
However, preparing for a holiday is not without stress. Weeks of planning, endless hours on Google Maps, checking every bus connection thirty times and finally having a complete nervous breakdown about the forecast weather, which predicted rain rain and more rain all week. So we just packed our bags with extra rain gear and hope for the best.
At five o'clock AM grandma and her boyfriend are at the door to take us to Amsterdam. Months of news reports of horror scenarios at Schiphol Airport, endless lines at security and lost luggage are all in the back of our minds, but you can’t do more than arrive on time and provide your luggage with stickers and a GPS tag. So we did exactly that, but once arrived at Schiphol the stress turned out to be for nothing. First we had about an hour of waiting at an almost deserted check-in desk, then we took an almost leisurly stroll through a security line of 20 minutes, and then another quiet hour of waiting with far too expensive coffee in the departure hall. The flight was somewhat delayed, but around half past ten we left the runway behind us and climbed up towards the North Sea.
The flight went well, except for the landing, where our ears very painfully indicated that they did not agree with the cabin pressure difference. But then we saw the Howth peninsula, and how the Irish sea pounded upon the cliffs, and it started to sink in; we are really there.
After a somewhat chaotic lunch at Dublin Airport, we had to look for a bus to Bray, where we had booked our Airbnb. After a few more minutes of trudging fruitlessly from one terminal to the other, we were suddenly sent by a couple of helpful ladies to a bus headed in that direction, and we had three minutes to catch it. So we threw the luggage in the belly of the bus and we got on board.
We soon found out that the local Irish are absolutely friendly people, except for bus drivers. This good man was the first we met of many who addressed us curtly and surly. Apparently being a bus driver in these parts is a hard profession.
We arrived at Bray and it took us about a twenty minute walk to get to our Airbnb. Tired, broken, worn out but satisfied we arrived and were warmly greeted by Helen, our hostess, who shares the house with her platonic friend Gerry.
We dragged the luggage to our room upstairs and thankfully plopped down on the comfortable beds, then spent the rest of the afternoon out cold. At dinnertime we made our way to the Aldi further on for the necessary provisions, filled the stomachs with an instant curry and hit the sack after an episode of Stranger Things.
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On Saturday we put on the rain gear and Gerry gave us a lift to the Bray to Greystones Cliff Walk – a walking route that winds between the coast of the Irish Sea and the hillside of Bray Head. The pants of my rain suit turned out to have a big tear at the seam and by the time we got back it had torn from waist to crotch. So that could go to the trash. I'm still happy with my foresight and the extra rain poncho I packed anyway and that kept my butt dry for the rest of that afternoon.
Despite the rain we still walked a beautiful route. Aided by our walking sticks, we dodged huge of puddles of rain on the muddy trail, and marveled at the ease with which the locals walked these trails.
The local birds were extensively photographed by Mom, but the camera soon became too wet to use and disappeared back into the bag.
We followed the trail for about two miles before returning to Bray, pining for a hot lunch, which we eventually found at a joint called Wilde on the boardwalk, where we had an invigorating bowl of mushroom soup and watched football on TV
The bus back to the Airbnb was quickly found. Another nap, spaghetti bolognese for dinner, another episode of Stranger Things, and the first real day of vacation was done.
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come the next morning the sky was, to our relief, blue and the hills outside our bedroom window bathed in sunlight.
About a half hour walk from our address we found Killruddery House. A large mansion with impressive gardens in which we could get lost. Apparently there was some kind of sappy romance movie being shot there with Lindsey Lohan in the lead role. All kinds of film equipment could be seen in and around the house and the picturesque tearoom in the conservatory had been transformed into a kitschy film set of a wedding location with lots of pink.
A lady in a pink jacket peered through the conservatory window and made a face. 'Not my taste.' she said. We agreed.
Further into the park we found a path leading to a rocky hill overlooking the house and gardens. There we found the lady with the pink jacket again, sitting on a rock, enjoying the view. We sat down next to her and had a nice chat.
She asked us about our motivation to visit Ireland, and we told her that our love for the country started with the music of Riverdance and the like.  The lady then told us that Riverdance happened to be showing this week at the Gaiety theater in Dublin. She went there herself this week with her daughter.
The idea of ​ going to Riverdance sounded like the icing on the cake for our vacation to us.
The lady was determined to get us in the mood. She grabbed her cell phone, looked up the Riverdance theme, grabbed Moms hands and started a spontaneous dance. So the three of us – Mom, me and a total stranger lady – were dancing and hopping like crazy on a rock at Killruddery Gardens. We then gave her a big hug, and the lady walked back to the gardens. We stood on that rock for a good five minutes, absolutely stunned, and joked that we had met a real Irish fairy.
One thing was certain; we had to go to Riverdance this week. As soon as we were back at our accommodation, we immediately booked the tickets for the next Tuesday.
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Monday started with gray skies and heavy rain. Since we had covered almost ten kilometers the day before, the legs were getting really sore and we decided to take a rest day. We did some laundry and in the afternoon decided to take a short walk in the neighborhood. We had seen on Google Maps that a block or two away there were ruins of an old castle tower, and we decided to check it out.
We did take our walking sticks with us, given the sore legs.  Google maps took us on a strange route and all paths came to a dead end. We wandered through the suburbs for a while, where we got some weird glances because of our walking sticks. When we finally got our sights on the tower, we found that it was surrounded by impenetrable fences and all the paths that ever led to it were bricked up with gray stone walls. A bit disappointed, we continued in the drizzling rain to Lidl to get some groceries and returned to the Airbnb. There we were told that the tower had recently been closed to prevent loitering. Lacking further plans, we got out our deck of cards and spent the afternoon playing Crazy Eights.
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Since we were going to Riverdance on Tuesday evening, we decided to add an afternoon in Dublin. We took the train into town with a vague plan to at least meander through the lanes of St Stephen's Green park, admire Trinity College and check out the adjacent famous Grafton Street shopping area.
Unfortunately, the rain threw a spanner in the works. Our visit to Trinity College went no further than the courtyard, where we quickly moved on because it was crowded and eventually took shelter at a Burger King for lunch. A few minutes of Googling later we found an address to spend the rest of the afternoon out of the elements and walked on to the Dublin Archaeological Museum. The entrance was free, but the necessary euros were spent at the souvenir shop there.
The museum was a great filler for the afternoon, but my legs in particular suffered from fatigue again. Fortunately, when we left the museum it was dry again and we went looking for a phamracy to get something for the muscle pain. A painkiller and a well-deserved break on a bench at St Stephen's Green later got me back on track. In the park quite some seagulls, pigeons and a heron have been photographed. We then headed out to find a cheap restauraunt to have dinner.  We found one on the corner of the Gaiaty theater, which was run by Americans and where we ate a plate of pasta with pesto and chicken for little money.
We quickly visited a beautiful indoor shopping center opposite the theater where we bought more souvenirs and a little later we found ourselves in the beautiful Victorian Gaiety theatre. We had arranged pretty decent seats on the side of the front box.
The show itself was phenomenal. We've watched the 1996 New York show thousands of times on videotape, but despite the fact that this version had a smaller dance troupe and the live orchestra consisted of just three ladies, the real thing can't be matched. The first half of the show followed the set list we knew well, but in the second half we were surprised with quite a bit of new songs. By the end our hands were sore with applause and the company received a well-deserved standing ovation.
We found a bus back to Bray and got back into bed by midnight.
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The next day, a visit to the enchanting Powerscourt House was on the agenda. The plan was to take the bus to the nearby village of Enniskerry but that turned out to be quite a challenge. The bus we had planned to catch simply didn't arrive and we were told by a local bus driver that the next one was coming in an hour. To kill the time we walked to the beach and the promenade behind the station and admired the waves of the Irish Sea in the sun.
We returned to the station but unfortunately disaster had to strike. Mom's ankle buckled when stepping off a curb and she was suddenly laying on the street with a scraped knee and a sore ankle. 
Because to the chaos surrounding the fall, we managed to get to the wrong bus stop and the bus to Enniskerry drove off without us. We were fed up with the local public transport by now, so we opted to take a taxi.
A friendly Lyft taxi driver took us to the gates of Powerscourt Estate. In hindsight it was a good thing we hadn't taken the walk from Enniskerry to Powerscourt as the road went steeply uphill and with Mom’s busted ankle we would never have made it.
Powerscourt was beautiful and we kept it fairly dry until we got to the Japanese Garden where it started to rain. The umbrellas came out and we limped on to the adorable little Peperpot tower. But everything was getting wet and clammy and Mom’s ankle wasn't getting any better. We made our way to the cafe and got orselves two huge cups of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and  I tried to book a taxi back using the Lyft app. The app neatly stated that a taxi would be there in about twenty minutes, but somehow I got two confirmation emails. We went to wait at the front gate… and waited and waited… and not a taxi in sight. Over an hour and two more annoyed phone calls to Lyft later, it turned out that they had mistakenly booked two taxis first, (hence the double confirmation in the mail), then were both canceled, and then we were rather rudely told they had no more taxis available. As things were looking now, we were stranded.
We went back inside where we just cought the receptionist before she left, and she managed to arrange an alternative taxi driver for us. A few minutes later an old fellow from Enniskerry with not a single tooth left in his mouth came to our rescue  and dropped us off at the Airbnb.
In the evening when we had just gone to bed, the owners of the Airbnb came home again. I informed them that Mom was down with a sore ankle and immediately a cold compress and a support sock was provided and we could even borrow a pair of crutches for the next day that they happened to have lying around. We will not soon forget our hosts’ wonderfull care.
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We had booked a bus tour for Thursday from Dublin to the town of Glendalough, deep in the Wicklow Mountains. Fortunately Mom’s ankle was much better and it turned out to be no worse than slightly sprained. Still, Gerry insisted that we take the crutches with us.
The alarm went off at five in the morning, as the Dublin bus left around eight. Once again we took the train into town and found the Paddywaggon Tours bus at The Spire – a 121-metre-long pole that the locals also dubbed the Stiletto in the Ghetto and the Stiffy by the Liffey – among other things.
The bus was full of tourists and mostly Americans. Our driver entertained us with stories and tidbits about the area with his fantastic storytelling voice during the drive. In the mountains it was wet and foggy but the narrow roads, lined by low stone walls made the ride quite exciting. We stopped at Loch Tay, also known as the Guinness lake. Apparently this was where Kattegat's set from the Vikings series was built. However, there was no longer a Viking to be seen. There was little be seen anyway because of the fog, unfortunately. But just as the bus driver called us back to continue the ride, the fog suddenly lifted enough from the valley to still treat us to a spectacular view of the lake.
Once in Glendalough we were told we had only an hour and a half to walk around there, and the weather unfortunately remained on the wet side. We walked around the ancient ruins and the cemetery, on to the lake and past a waterfall, and far too quickly we had to turn around again to get to the bus in time.
Back in Dublin, Mom was eager for a cup of coffee, but although Talbot Street indicated on Google Maps that there were plenty of pubs, in reality it turned out to be a fairly dodgy street where inviting pubs turned out to be thinly spread. At the end towards Connoly Station we found a pub that looked okay, but were fresh out of coffee, so we settled for a cup of tea. In any case, it warmed our chilled bodies before catching the train again to Bray, where we prepared our suitcases for the return journey.
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And just like that, a week has passed and one spends the whole Friday trying to get home. Unfortunately Helen had already left for work, but we were still able to give Gerry a bouquet of flowers and luxurious bars of chocolate we purchased the day before and thanked them profusely for their hospitality.
We once again took the train to the city.  In Dublin we found a bus to the airport, but we found out that our flight was delayed at least an hour. After a long wait we finally left Ireland around 4.30pm and flew back to Amsterdam without any further problems, where my uncle picked us up and we arrived back at the safety and familiarity of our homes at around 9:30 PM. 
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myhoneymydaisy · 2 years
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Sigh. I am going to vent. When I am home alone I feel so peaceful, then my family comes home and the tension goes so high, especially when they come home angry. I know they'll make a joking or angry comment about whatever I'm doing (rather it's a show or video game or I'm working out, they will comment and make me self conscious and uncomfortable). I know if the house isn't clean enough mom will curse under her breath and slam things around. I know if I failed to clean well that it's my fault but I don't think that constitutes purposely giving me anxiety and abusive micro transgressions. You could just ask me to do it nicely instead of making me feel like the worst person in the world. It doesn't help that they KNOW I struggle with my mental health (I've been hospitalized 4 times, which mom basically hinted was the cause of her aneurysm...yeah. she had a mental breakdown because I got help. Therapists mentioned to me that we may be codependent or enmeshed, but there was no formal diagnosis) and some days I literally can't even bathe, what makes you think cleaning the house will be easy for me to do?
It's not that I don't want to help. I do. I want to do a lot more for them. I want to be well enough to keep a normal job and go back to paying more bills. Of course I want to clean, that's easy. But some days I am too depressed, other days I get distracted and literally forget. Days when I do well, clean and cook and everything, no nice comments are made. But when I mess up even a little, I'm bombarded with indirect abuse. "I can't take this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I'm going to die early, f this, f that, fkn b word, etc." All because I didn't clean the kitchen by 5 o'clock. And you know what's funny? If I react at all, she says worse things to me, then I cry and she feels bad and then I comfort her for making me feel bad. Every time. I'm always the parent, emotionally. Giving me food and shelter is the bare minimum, I really wish I had actual parents who guide me, communicate, and love me. Then I wouldn't be in this mental hell anyway and I wouldn't live here either.
Mom says she understands that I am not well enough to work normally right now, but I think deep down she resents me every day. And my sisters openly resent me, thinking I'm just being dramatic and useless; that weighs heavy on me. Some days I know I can move away and get disability if I want to, but I am scared. I'm scared to leave my abusive family. It's a really terrible place to be, mentally. Scared to be alone, scared of your family. It's like there's no peace, no safe place, no comfort. All the while your family brainwashes you saying "no one loves you like family, no one cares for you like family" that has messed me up so much. If THIS is family love and care, how bad with the love and care of others be?
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levis-hazelnut · 3 years
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Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?
Warning(s): I don’t think there are any in this chapter. But, please do tell me if there are any.
Taglist (closed!): @castellandiangelo
Status: completed!
part 3 > part 4 > part 5
series masterlist
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My elbow was propped up on the table with my head in my palm as I flicked around the fruit in my bowl with a fork. I was home alone since Hanji went out somewhere and I had nothing to do. Yeah, the weather was pleasant but I didn't feel like going out even though it's a Saturday. I just wanted to roll myself into a ball in a corner and slowly die. What's the reason for my misery? Well, you probably don't even care, but I'll tell you anyway. So, you know how I told Petra that she can take away my Levi, yes, he's my Levi. Whatever. So, of course, since I'm such a great friend, I started to try and get them to hang out more and more, while I tried to fight away my feelings. The feelings that try and consume me every time I see that stupidly sexy face of his.
 Before I start fantasising about him, I'll carry on... So, they seem to get along well since Levi prefers normal people, unlike myself and my other friends. He still hangs out with me, but just not as much as before and I truly think he's catching feelings for her. Oh, I should also mention that this has been going on for three months so it's definitely possible for that to happen. Like I basically fell in love with him as soon as I saw him. Well, who cares about me and my feelings? I know Levi doesn't (well, he tries to care for me but I push him away as the idiot I am).
And that's essentially the reason why I want to die in a corner. They both better thank me when they get together otherwise I will straight up trash every single one of their dates. I'm an idiot. I'm stupid. I'm a poor excuse of-- "You aren't an idiot, you're a weirdo. Don't forget that." Tch. His dumb voice is trying to slither into my brain. Can't I at least finish my self-loathe session? So inconsiderate. "Ugh, why am I annoyed at him for something I caused? I'm truly a horrible being," I muttered to no one in particular before groaning when I reached for my phone that buzzed in my ears. "What?" I spat when I answered, not even reading the caller ID. "Good afternoon to you, too, darlin'. What's wrong with you?" Oh, it's my favourite person ever... "What do you want, Ackerman?" I asked with a bitter tone. "First of all, I want an explanation." "For what?" "Why are you acting like this? You've been moping around for the past couple of fucking months. What's going on?" "... Nothing. What's the other thing you want?" "I haven't gotten an explanation yet." "Levi, please, just forget about it." My tone showed that I just wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible. I heard a sigh before hushed words sounded. "(Y/N), I'm going to come to your apartment and hold you at gunpoint if you don't tell me." "Sure, do whatever, but I'm still not going to tell you." "You're fucking crazy." Yeah, I know. That's why you prefer Petra over me, I thought. "I know. Can you leave me alone now?" "... The other thing I wanted to ask is if I could come over later." "Why? Are you actually going to hold me at gunpoint?" I asked sarcastically. Another sigh sounded. "We've barely hung out recently and it sounds like you're going to start crying any moment, so I'll come and keep you company. Also, we have that assignment to do." Why do you have to be such a softy? Just when I was getting annoyed with you, you decide to be a Prince Charming. "Fine. What time are you coming?" "Is three fine?" I glanced at the time and saw that it was already two o'clock. "Yep. I'll see you later." "Bye." ~/~ Levi and I sat at the small, round dining table with both of our laptops open as we worked on the assignment together. We let Lo-Fi play quietly as background noise and we often spoke - either to distract ourselves from the boring shit we were doing, or to help each other. As he said, Levi had a come a few minutes before three o'clock and after trying to get me to tell what happened, he decided it was futile and suggested we start working. Since I had nothing else to do apart from dying, I agreed.
As he cleared the table and put his things on the surface, I got whatever snacks we had and placed them in the middle of the table. I also made Levi a tea and myself - a coffee before we sat down and started. I wasn't really in the mood for anyone. I didn't even want Levi to be here when he first arrived, but now I don't mind since he gives me good company. After about an hour, Levi suddenly decided to get up so I averted my eyes from the laptop screen to question what was wrong.
And his answer?
Girl, get ready for this. You're going to burst into tears for me. "... I'm going on a date with Petra." There it is. The reason why I wanted to just breakdown and die in a hole. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Levi is going on a fucking date with Petra. Those words kept on repeating in my mind like some kind of incantation as he packed his things away and slipped his jacket on before grabbing his phone. Soon, I knocked out of my trance and looked up at him before standing up. "... Petra?" "I asked her out yesterday." "You did?" I squeaked out, assuming that Petra would have been the one to ask him out. "Yeah. Anyway, I'll see you on Monday." "Okay. Bye." Being a good host, I walked him to the door and waited for him to put his shoes on before closing the door once he left. (Y/N), don't cry. Don't cry. Do not cry. He's just a boy... A boy that's a damn Adonis, and has hair I want to tangle my fingers in, and eyes I could stare into all day, and a nose that's just so boopable, and a jaw that could slice me, and lips that I wish I could feel on mine, and a body that looks better than any athlete... Yeah, he's just a boy... that I'm going to fall in love with. Hey, does anyone know a good suicide method that leads to certain death? No? Okay. ~/~ "(Y/N)? Are you home?" "... Yes," I muttered as I laid on the soft carpet in the living room with my cheek pressed against it. "Why are you... on the floor?" Hanji inquired with clear confusion written on her face. "I need help: I want to cry, but my eyes won't even fucking water. I want to die, but I still have a long life ahead of me. I want to sleep, but I'm not even tired. I want to--" "Okay, okay. What's going on?" my bestie questioned and crouched down. "Why are you like this?" I turned my face so it could hide in the carpet. I don't care if I would get spots from stuffing my face in it, I just needed something to comfort me and this was my solution. "Levi and Petra are going on a date today," I spoke into the material and I could almost imagine Hanji's shocked face. You see, I never told her about my stupid promise. "Sorry?" "Levi, aka the love of my life, asked Petra out yesterday.." "Oh, (Y/N)..." I could hear the pity in her voice. "How did this happen?" "Because of my dumb ass." I explained the rest of the story to Hanji, though my words were muffled since I was still giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to the rug. But I know she heard every single word I said. "You know I would never say this to you, but you're a fucking idiot." "Yeah, I know." "You aren't an idiot, you're a weirdo. Don't forget that." "Tch. I can't even stop thinking about him and his shitty words," I mumbled, making sure that my words were inaudible to Hanji since she would ask what I was going on about. "You should've asked him out." "But that would've looked bad after I told Petra I'd help her." "Well, I don't know why you didn't ask him out before. It's already been five months since he first came, and you haven't done anything." "The first month, Eren didn't let me. And the second month is when Petra asked me to help her, so I couldn't do anything for the other three months." "Okay... Petra is a sweet girl with a kind heart, and she deserves someone to make her happy. But, you've basically been married to him since you were thirteen, or however old we were when we made him up. You can't let others take him away from you. I'm sorry, (Y/N), but you truly are an idiot." "I understand that, Hanji. Don't make me hate myself more than I already do." "So, what do you plan to do now?" "I don't know," I sighed before finally sitting up, cross-legged on the floor. "I can't really do anything about it... Hanji, what if they end up getting married?" "... It's only one date. And it may lead to many others, but we never know if they'll get that far." I huffed once again and stared at the ground. Tears still wouldn't fall. And a couple of hours later, I found the kind of comfort I needed. I didn't need words, I just needed warmth in the arms of someone that cares about me and loves me. My face was buried in the crook of Eren's neck as his arms tightened around my form as we laid down on the sofa. I rested on top of him as he tucked my head under his chin and fiddled with my hair.
No words were spoken, none were needed. And he knew that whenever I felt better, I would tell him what happened. But, for now, he would hold me and comfort me. I seriously don't know what I would do without him. He's always been there for me (if Hanji was unable to) and he always manages to get me back to my normal self. But who knows if it will work this time? We stayed in that position for maybe just less than an hour before I sat up and drifted my fingers through my hair with a heavy sigh. Eren also sat up and I could see him looking at me from my peripheral vision, so I turned to face him. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" "... Yeah...” I sighed before explaining everything to him. "... Oh," was all that came out of his mouth before he embraced me once more. "What do I do?" I whispered, and anyone would be able to hear the obvious pain in my voice. "I'm sorry, but I don't know, (Y/N). Just distract yourself. Moping around won't do anything." "I know. But I don't even feel like going anywhere. Or doing anything." "Come on. Don't just dwell on it, do something to take it off your mind. Have a shower, or sleep, or anything to help you." "Hanji's in the shower. I'm not tired. I don't know what else I could do." "(Y/N), I don't like seeing you like this," Eren muttered and gripped my shoulders to pull me away from the embrace. "It's one guy--" "Yeah, one guy that happened to be someone me and Hanji made up. And he happened to like someone else." "Well, why did you make up someone so attractive?" "Eren, this is not my fault, so shut up. How the hell was I supposed to know that he was going to be real?" He bit back a chuckle. "Sorry." "... Please tell me what's so funny?" "You're just adorable when you're angry. Well, when you aren't angry with me." I huffed and flopped back against the cushion of the sofa, hoping it could suck me in. ~/~ On the way to university, I stopped by my favourite cafe and grabbed a coffee before continuing my journey. Wondering why I'm not rushing or tired? Well, that's because my first lecture is at two o'clock so I had the right amount of sleep, and didn't have to force myself to get out of bed or rush. However, I wasn't looking forward to going since two people are going to be there, and I don't feel interacting with them. If you haven't guessed who I'm talking about, the two people are Levi and Petra. As I wandered through the building to get to the lecture hall, I spotted Petra talking to Historia and decided to walk in a different direction. When I turned around, taking a sip of my coffee, I bumped into someone which caused me to choke on the beverage. I patted my chest as I coughed before silencing and looking at the person I accidentally collided against. Of all people... "Hey, darlin'." "You sure you still want to call me that now even though you have a girlfriend?" I muttered and he lifted an eyebrow my way. "Why do you look so confused? Have you already forgotten about Petra?" "Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You're still in a bad mood?" "Yeah, I am. And don't even think about questioning me about it. I have a lecture to go to." "Hold up." He took hold of my forearm and I tried yanking myself out of his grip but it was futile. His grip was strong, but it wasn't painful. "We still have five minutes until we have to be there." "... So? Don't you think I should be early for once?" "Fine. But let's walk together--" "Levi!" Oh, I knew exactly whose voice that belonged to. Why am I annoyed at her? She didn't do anything wrong. I need to stop blaming others for the things I caused. "Hi, Levi!" Petra beamed and she pecked his cheek as I slowly felt the raven's grip on me loosen, allowing me to free myself. "Hi, (Y/N)." "Hey," I smiled. Damn, my smile was more fake than propaganda. "I heard you went on a date with Levi. How was it?" I asked, shooting a glance to the male to see that his eyes were on me. "I'm going to borrow your girlfriend for a second." "Sure," he replied as Petra walked beside me, going through random corridors as we spoke. "So, where did you go?" "Well, we went to the cinema first, and then, a small restaurant." "Did he initiate anything?" I smirked, trying to be a teenager that loves gossip. "Um... He gave me a small kiss on the lips when he dropped me home. It was very brief though, almost like a peck." "That's great! That obviously means he had a great time. Did you have fun?" "Yes. Thank you so much, (Y/N). I owe you so much." "Oh, no, it's fine. It's just a favour for an awesome friend." She smiled at me as we made our way back to Levi, finding him standing in the exact same spot. He noticed the smile on my lips but didn't say anything when Petra told him that she has to head to her next lecture. She waved at both of us as I started walking. "(Y/N)?" "What?" I said with exasperation. "Where's that smile gone?" "Levi," I started and turned around to face him. "You don't understand how much I'm trying to stay calm right now. But if you ask me one more question, you'll regret it. All you need to know is that I'm going through something and I don't want to talk about it at all." He simply sighed and nodded as we proceeded to go to our lecture in silence. When I walked in after Levi, I felt someone tousle my hair so I turned around to see Jean, who winked at me. Oh, yeah, I also didn't speak to Jean about getting over me and whatever-whatever. I'm only human, okay? I can't deal with so many things when I have so much on my mind. "Hey, babe." "I already told you not to call me that millions of times." "What's wrong with you?" 3... 2... 1... and... "I've had enough of this... Everyone can just take their fucking noses out of my fucking business! It has nothing to do with you and I have no intention of sharing it with you! Just leave me alone, you fucking assholes!" There it is. The eruption. I barged past Jean and stormed down the corridor as I heard Levi and Jean call me. For fuck's sake. What part of my outburst did they not understand? I do not wish to talk about it and I don't want them commenting on my mood. Just let me be. I slammed the door of the bathroom open, frightening someone I paid no attention to as I leaned against the wall of the bathroom and gazed at the floor. I didn't care about hygiene right now, I just needed some space. "(Y/N)?" I guess I won't be having that, I thought before I looked up to find Hanji there. Gosh, I was so grateful to see her, so I threw myself at her. "What happened? Don't you have a lecture right now?" "Yeah, I do. But people are just pissing me off," I spoke into her chest and I felt her hand pat my back. I parted from the hug and she looked at me questioningly. So, obviously I told her what happened earlier. It wasn't anything big, but I just needed to vent. "(Y/N), you've looked so hurt the past couple of days, or even the past couple of months, and I hate to see you like this. You either cut off ties with both of them or try and keep your feelings away." "I can't do either of those." "Then, you won't be able to fix yourself. Get over the fact that Levi has a potential girlfriend, who is not you. We never know what's in the future so suck it up and be a man,” she said. I fought back a smile that tried to etch onto my lips before giving up and letting it spread across my face. Hanji grinned because she saw I was in a better mood. "Now, get back to your lecture. Who's your professor for this lecture?" "Mike." "Oh, he won't care if you walk in late. Go." I was about to leave, but I looked back and gave Hanji another smile. "Thank you, Hanji." "No problem!" I entered the lecture hall, avoiding the stares from Jean and Levi as I went to sit next to Historia, who grinned up at me. I gave a smile in return and paid attention to the lecture straight away, not wanting any distractions. I kept any negative thoughts out of my mind and focused on my education. Both males that I shouted at didn't try to speak to me for the rest of the day and I was glad about that because when I shouted at them earlier, that was just me getting a little angry. So, if they attempted to talk to me, I would literally explode and say things that shouldn't be repeated. Now, I was at home with Hanji, talking about crap I was barely paying attention to. "(Y/N)...? (Y/N)?" the brunette called. "(Y/N)!" "Hm...? Oh, sorry." "What's up?" "... I kind of feel bad for shouting at Jean and Levi when they were simply caring for me. But, I'm also still pissed at them for nagging me. And I'm not over the fact that Levi and Petra are dating. Also, I haven't spoken to Jean about the whole moving on thing--" "Stop. You need to forget about everything, it's affecting your mood and your thoughts, and you barely concentrate on anything. If you keep this going, you're only going to get worse." "Hanji... I'm trying. No matter what I'm doing, these thoughts always consume me." "Well, talk to Jean. At least you'll have one less thing to fret about." "Uh, I think I'll wait for him to talk to me because I can't just bring it up out of nowhere after shouting at him." "Okay. Also, just apologise to both of them. Then, all that's going to be on your mind is Levi and Petra," she smiled before her expression contorted into something that seemed as if she was deep in her thoughts. "However, that's the biggest of your problems," she muttered and tapped her chin with an index finger as she stared at the ceiling. "I'll do the other two things, and try and do something about the Levi and Petra thing... Of course, I'm not going to break them up or anything," I quickly added when her eyes slightly widened. "I guess I'm just going to be happy for them, and then be even happier if they ever break up. I sound like such a bitch, but I can't help it." "Be whatever you want, just don't be an idiot and get yourself into another mess like this again." "No promises~" I sang with a smirk. So far, ever since Levi appeared, my life has been nothing but a mess. I don't know if that will ever change, but hey, I can only hope for the best.
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n0longerhuman · 4 years
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Can i request a scenario for Bokuto where his girlfriend is pregnant and is scared to tell him because she thinks he doesn’t want kids so she starts avoiding him and he asks Akaashi for advice on what to do
y/n: ty for your request !! im writing this while I'm under an exam session, so it may not be the best of my works, but I hope you like it anyway.
genre: kind of angst but with a fluffy ending
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𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬/𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭.
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Seeing the two lines on the pregnancy test, had shaken in Y/N a mixture of emotions that at that moment she wouldn't even have had the ability to describe. She'd stayed there for a few seconds, barely breathing. She couldn't believe it. Her hand resting on her mouth in complete shock, her eyes wide that dared not take the gaze off that piece of plastic that she held in her hands and that had just given her the news of one of the most significant turning points in her life. She couldn't understand how she should've felt at that moment, it seemed to her that she wouldn't have had the strength to be able to manage such a situation, at such an early age. A person like her couldn't have been a good mother, she couldn't have raised a child at best. But the thought didn't go only to her, but also the person with whom she would hypothetically share that child: Bokuto Kōtarō. The thought of having to confess what had happened to the boy passed through her like an icy wind in an instant. She didn't want to watch his reaction, she didn't want to be abandoned, not at a time like that. Bokuto was now pursuing a career as an important volleyball player and certainly wouldn't have had any time to devote himself to a son, Y/N knew that without a doubt he would give up the child. His life would have been destroyed at that age, and it would have been her fault too. And she?
Did she want to keep it? At that moment, it seemed to her that her head was about to burst, she hadn't even noticed that she was trembling. She was so panicked that she didn't even have the right strength to cry.
Y/N came out of the bathroom with a rather slow pace, her hands hidden in her pocket and her gaze down. To say that she was afraid to face that situation was little, but she couldn't remain hidden forever.
She took her phone once she threw herself on the bed, and as usual she found the familiar messages from Kōtarō, one in particular said: «I should finish earlier tonight, wanna watch a movie?»  She sighed, finally realizing that her heart was beating wildly. Her fingers wrote even before she could connect her mind to her hand, and immediately the answer was an «I'm sorry, today I really can't, we'll have to put it off.»
And at that moment, Y/N exactly imagined the boy's reaction, since she didn't dare to give up not even an opportunity that she'd have had in seeing Bokuto and tried to take advantage of every free hole in their days, so as to be able to stay with him as often as possible, despite countless commitments.
In fact, on his side, his face became corrupted in reading that unusual answer, perhaps even colder than the usual ones he was used to receiving from the girl. It seemed almost strange to him, but he decided not to say anything about it. After all, she too could have had some unforeseen and this was probably the cause of the invitation declined that evening. Or at least, so he thought.
In the days and weeks that followed, Y/N began to become increasingly distant. The times they could see each other decreased more and more, as did the duration of their outings. Y/N's behavior had become decidedly more aloof, she always seemed thoughtless and about to want to say something, something that never came out of her mouth, but Bokuto couldn't understand what he had done wrong to make it happen. Obviously he had asked her; he could no longer hold that heavy weight on his heart, he couldn't bear to see her feel bad because it made him feel bad too. But her response was a reassurance for him. «It's okay, Kō'. Don't worry, really. I'm fine.»
But as stubborn as he was, the boy couldn't stop brooding over it, trying to understand why his girlfriend had become so cold towards him.  He would have liked to solve this problem and go back to spending as much time as he could with her, since both were always busy and he missed her so much.
«Akaashi, ― the big owl came up with what the raven-haired boy recognized for the expression the ace had during one of the usual mental breakdowns ― do you think Y/N hates me?»
Akaashi raised his eyebrows with a questioning expression, not understanding the reason for the question. Whenever he happened to see the couple or to go out with them, the girl always seemed to him very fond of the captain. «Why should she hate you, Bokuto-san?»
And at that moment, Kōtarō explained to his best friend the bad situation he was in, Akaashi too had to admit how much he was a bit displaced. «Honestly, I think you should try to ask her again what's wrong, this time without her lying. If she told you she's okay, it could mean she doesn't want you to worry and didn't realize she was getting the opposite result.»
As Akaashi spoke, Bokuto could almost see the wheels of his brain moving quickly in a perfectly combined manner.  «Something's probably happened to her and she wants you to stay out of it. I'm sure she's doing it for your own good, Bokuto-san.»
After that brief conversation with the vice-captain, Kōtarō decided to organize himself for that evening. This time, he would show up at the girl's house without even warning first. He thought that perhaps in surprise she would finally decide to explain to him what was happening to her. And for this reason, at nine o'clock in the evening, Bokuto knocked on her door.
Y/N winced at the sound of those steady fists tapping the front door of her house with confidence. She could have recognized him anywhere, she thought at that moment. Again, she felt her heart pounding at an incredible rate. Panicking on that occasion was absolutely not the right thing. She got up, somewhat hesitant, and went to the door and then opened it. In front of her was the boy, an envelope in his hand containing what looked like food and, before she could even say a word, the boy muttered a: «I brought you food and no, I don't accept negative answers.»
The dinner was silent, the evidence of the problem was now clear.  Bokuto couldn't take it anymore, not seeing how much she couldn't even look him in the eyes.
«Y/N, listen, I have no idea what's happening to you but I seriously need you to tell me about it ― began the young man, and when he didn't receive any response once again, he decided to continue ― Why the heck are you doing this? Can you at least explain to me what I did to you? And if it wasn't me, what on earth is bothering you so much that you can't even explain it to your boyfrien―»
«I'M PREGNANT!» The answer came out brutally from the girl's lips, her hands holding the edge of the sweatshirt she was wearing at the time, her eyes already full of tears and focused on the figure of the person she had just screamed at unwittingly.
It seemed to him that his own body was disappearing at that moment, the severed breath, the wide eyes and the parted lips captured the boy's face in an evident expression that expressed pure disbelief. 
«Wh-what?» His voice, barely a whisper, blocked by the strong shiver that had run from head to toe at that moment.
«I'm pregnant, I didn't tell you anything because I knew it would end badly and I didn't want to give you even more worries, Kōtarō. I know you don't want a child and I understand it perfectly, I-I didn't want it to end between us and I swear to you that... I'll do something about it, I'm just so worried because I don't know what to do and this thing scares me a lot.»
Every word that Y/N had said, had reached Bokuto's heart as if they were swords. He couldn't believe it, he didn't want to believe it. He had no idea how it could've happened, and he was afraid of not being able to get out of it in the best way, but the thing that had hurt him most was the fact that she had avoided talking to him about something so big to just protect him.
He was so mortified that he hadn't even noticed that his tears had started to drop like those of the girl in front of him. He said nothing, only pulled her to him and held her so tight that for a moment it seemed to him that she had stopped breathing.
«Never say such a thing again, Y/N. It's something bigger than us, but that doesn't mean we can't solve it! I will respect any of your choices and I will be happy to share any road you want to take, because I love you ― with a slightly higher voice, Bokuto didn't dare to detach from her body ― I would never abandon you, do not even say it as a joke, okay?»
Y/N was completely taken aback. The boy's words, so unusual if heard from his mouth, struck her even more than she was already shaken in principle because of that situation, and this led her to burst into tears that made her chest hurt. She hid her face in the hollow of his neck, trying to stifle the sobs, while his hand began to caress her hair muttering some 'It's all right, I'm here.'
«I don't know who to thank for bringing me to meet someone like you, seriously.» this was the only thing she managed to whisper, terribly tired. And for the first time, she seemed to see a light of hope to go through that terrible moment.
Bokuto couldn't think how difficult it had been for her to hold that weight and carry it on silently for so long, and he was sure that, until the last moment, he would have taken all of himself to help her.
«We'll make it, we'll make it together.»
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rachel1987 · 4 years
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GWCFT Part 3
Get ready to run some errands! Hatter and Hare get their steps in on this update as they run around Wonderland getting ready for June to arrive. Hare continues to have a nervous breakdown and Hatter can’t help but be an adorable pain in the ass.
xposted on ao3 and FF.net
Part 3:
A few hours later, Hatter pushed the bedroom door open with his elbow, a tray in his hands. Hare stirred, groaning as he flopped around in bed, tangled up in his sheets.
The tall man entered the room and crept to Hare's side of the bed, placing the tray on the bedside table as he took a seat. Reaching a gloved hand out, he touched Hare's shoulder and shook it softly. "Hare… Hare, it's time to get up." Hatter's palms itched as he sat there, forcing himself to remain calm. His instincts were making him want to body slam down on the bed and squeeze Hare till he woke up.
Feeling the touch on his shoulder, Hare opened his brown eyes slowly, looking around with blurry vision. "What time is it?" he muttered, voice dry from sleeping with his mouth open. He flipped over onto his back and sat up, reaching out for his glasses. His hand clanked against a teapot, two cups with saucers and a plate of reheated breakfast rolls.
"Might be a little past breakfast, but it isn't too late for lunch," Hatter said with a smile, reaching out and nabbing the glasses from the table, handing them to Hare.
"How long have I been asleep?" Hare yawned, pushing his glasses up onto his nose. His hair was frazzed out (more than usual) and he still looked tired, but he was at least coherent. It seemed the caffeine had worked through his system too.
"Only a couple hours, nothing to worry about," Hatter soothed him, filling one of the cups with hot tea and passing it to his friend after adding some sugar and lemon.
Hare gave him an uneasy glance and took the cup, sniffing it before taking a sip. "Camomile…" he smiled, taking a larger swig.
Hatter waited till the cup was mostly empty before speaking again. "I put everything away out there and did one final check of the house, it's all in order. You don't have to worry about cleaning anything else today."
Hare moved to protest, but Hatter gave him a 'you'd-better-not' look, so he sat still, finishing up the tea before helping himself to more.
"I also took the liberty of airing the place out and watering your garden," Hatter beamed, very proud of himself in taking charge. He had omitted the fact that he had found an old diary of Hare's and read it while laying the wrong way on his sofa.
"Thank you," Hare replied, stirring more sugar into his cup. "You've been a busy Hatter this morning."
"Anything for you, old buddy," Hatter shrugged, brushing some imaginary lint off his sleeve before also helping himself to some tea. "Now all we need to do is get you showered and packed and we'll go back to the Hat house for a day of relaxation."
Hare snorted and choked on his tea, trying not to spill any of it as he placed his cup back on the tray. "Go to the Hat house? But I've still got things to do here! I haven't cleaned out the fridge or the basement and-"
Hatter shook his head and put a finger to the Hare's lips to shush him, giving him a stern look. "Your mother won't look in the fridge and we'll lock the basement door so she won't go into it."
"But-" Hare started, Hatter's finger still against his front teeth as he tried to speak.
"Hare, your house is clean and, to be frank, I don't trust you on your own anymore after that stunt you pulled last night."
Hare crossed his arms in an imitation of Rabbit and leaned back against his headboard. "I hate it when you try to be Frank… I prefer when you act like John if you can't be the Hatter."
Hatter rolled his eyes and scooted closer to the Hare, offering him a breakfast roll as a peace offering. "Yes, well, I can't be John all the time."
Hare took the roll and nibbled at it, only realizing how hungry he was after he gobbled it down.
"Anyway," Hatter waved a hand. "We'll get you showered and pack you a bag and you'll stay at my place till your Mother shows up. That way I can keep an eye on you and we can finish all the party planning. And you can figure out what you'd like to do for the magic act."
"Oh, right… that," Hare said, losing his appetite again as he placed his third roll back on the plate, half eaten. In the hustle and bustle of last night, he had forgotten that he'd agreed to the talent show and a magic act for his mother.
"I've already asked everyone and they've all agreed to perform," Hatter announced. "Well, I've spoken to everybody but Alice, but I don't think she should be a problem. She always likes to have fun with us no matter what we're doing."
"Too late to back out now, huh?" Hare said aloud, more to himself than anybody else.
"Now don't be a killjoy," Hatter said, patting Hare on the knee before getting to his feet. "I'll start getting these dishes done, why don't you go take a shower? You smell like dish soap and Pine-sol."
Hatter left Hare to himself, who pouted a little and sat alone in his room for a few minutes, listening to him the kitchen. He sat there till he heard a crash and then a soft "damn" from a husky voice, making him shake his head.
"Oh gawwwwd…" Hare rubbed his eyes and caught a whiff of himself, deciding that he did need a shower after all.
--
"Don't forget your magic trunk too!" Hatter said, laying across the bed with his feet up in the air, a Rubik's cube in his hands as Hare packed his duffel bag.
"Already got it," Hare said absently, folding up another yellow shirt and placing it neatly in his bag. He only needed a couple days worth of clothes, but he was packing more than he needed because he never knew when he'd need to change at the Hat house. They usually got up to some mischief that ended in someone getting filthy and the idea of having to do laundry wasn't overly appealing. "Maybe I should just do my juggling act… or play my tuba. I don't know if magic is such a good idea."
"Naw, your Mom has seen you do those things," Hatter said, tossing the Rubik's cube onto the floor in frustration. He'd managed to get three sides done, but the last three were proving to be more difficult. "Or fit those into your magic act."
The Hatter seemed stuck on seeing some magic performed by the Amazing Hair-raising Hare, so he supposed that's what he'd have to do. Scrunching up his face, he opened his magic trunk and threw his bowling pins, juggling balls and tuba inside.
"Where'd those doves go?" Hatter asked, leaning over and peeking into the trunk. He reached an arm in and swatted around blindly, fingers brushing against objects in the darkness. Hare shook his head and was about to say how there weren't any birds inside when four more flew out. "Aw, nuts… sorry."
"It's okay, I'll get more…" Hare muttered in astonishment, taking another look deep into the trunk.
"Well…" Hatter said loudly, pushing himself up off the bed and onto his feet, planting the landing like a gold medal gymnast. "Anything else or are we ready to go?"
"Uh, I don't think so. I'm ready."
"Righty roo," Hatter said, linking his arm with the Hare and leading him through the house and out the front door.
--
The rest of the day was one of forced relaxation. Hatter took Hare back to the Hat house and insisted that they do nothing the entire rest of the day. They'd bring in dinner and watch television or read comics and just laze around. They had spent the past few days doing nothing but cleaning, they deserved a little time to not do anything. There were a few times when Hatter caught Hare straightening up and whatever he was doing was taken out of his mits and he was forced to return to the sofa and watch another television show. By the 4th episode of Dodo's Do The Strangest Things, he thought he'd go crazy.
Of course, they did have their usual tea party at 4 o'clock, that was non negotiable. Alice and the Tweedles decided to join them and after the tea party they threw a softball around the tea table and spoke about nothing in particular, which was nice.
June's visit was specifically not mentioned, for fear that it would aggravate Hare. Therefore, Hatter made a special effort to squash any mention of her, in the most exaggerated fashion, of course. Hare thought he was overreacting, but also secretly appreciated it. Truth was, he was really tired from the past few days of hard labor. He had overdone it and did need a break. So, while he pouted and huffed and puffed about everything, he was hiding how much he enjoyed being doted on.
They brought in Chinese food for dinner (with oolong tea and miso soup) and ate it with chopsticks. They fought over who would get which fortune cookie and made fun of what the paper slips said inside. More tea was brewed, they watched Some Like it Hot and argued over who would make a more attractive woman if they were in the starring roles of the film.
"No, I would," Hatter argued, pulling his pajama pants leg up and resting his bare limb onto the low coffee table. "Look at these gams! They go on for miles!"
"No no no no," Hare shook his head and wagged his finger a little. "You may have the legs, but I have much more vavoom in the rear end department."
"How true that is," Hatter said, wiggling his eyebrows provocatively after craning his neck back and taking a look, causing Hare to laugh out loud and throw popcorn at him.
When they finally made their way to bed late into the evening, Hare couldn't wipe the smile from his face. After all the work and trouble he had put Hatter through, this was the day he didn't know they'd needed. He had almost completely forgotten about his mother coming and the talent show that he still had to plan for. Everything felt like it had returned to normal.
He cuddled into the Hatter and smiled very contentedly as they fell asleep wrapped up in one another.
--
The next morning Hare decided it would be a good idea for him to go for a jog to clear his head and get his focus back. He was honestly thinking of signing up for the Wonderland 5K and he thought that maybe going for a bit of a run would do him some good. It would be good to dust off his running shoes and see if he still had it in him.
He raided the attic, making sure to leave the room just as clean as when he had found it. Honestly, he was surprised that the Hatter had avoided the room as well as he had been. The place was still pretty spick and span, even a few days after cleaning. After a little bit of digging, he found one of his yellow sweatsuits and a pair of running shoes in a trunk.
Hatter was in the kitchen rummaging around for a clean kettle to start brewing the morning tea when Hare appeared in his jogging suit.
"Oh…" Hatter gave him a once over with some interest. "Going for a run, huh?"
"Yeah, I thought it'd be a good idea. Help me clear my head." Hare said in the most nonchalant way he knew how, taking a seat at the kitchen table to lace up his sneakers.
"You want me to come with?" The lack of enthusiasm was noted in Hatter's voice, it sounded like he'd almost rather wash all the dishes he had in his house than go for a run.
"No, you don't have to," he replied, wiping a scuff off his sneaker before leaning back into his chair a little. "It'll just be quick, only a couple miles. I'll be back in fifteen minutes, tops."
"Okay…" Hatter drawled, filling up the kettle and setting it on the stove, clicking the burner on underneath it. "I'll have breakfast ready for you when you get back. Anything sound scrummy to you? I think I have some eggs in the ice box."
"Eggs would be nice," he agreed, getting to his feet and lifting onto his toes to give Hatter a smooch on the cheek. "Time me?"
"I'll, uh... count the seconds," Hatter said, altering his voice and trying to sound as gushy as possible.
Hare rolled his eyes and made his way through the OUT door. He paused at the stone gate, using it to prop his leg up as he stretched a bit, planning his route for the morning. He'd start around the Hat house, through the forest to the Palace, maybe see if Caterpillar was around…
After stretching, he bounced on his feet a little, trying to warm up some before taking off at a smooth pace.
He tried to keep his head as clear as possible as he ran, attempting to take in the scenery. It was too early for him to really run into anybody, but he could sense the signs of life within the various dwellings he passed. He could hear the music coming from the Tweedles house, knowing they were probably up and doing their morning dance routines. He could smell breakfast being cooked when he passed the palace, the scent of bacon and waffles making him want to stop and reach his hand in through the kitchen window to grab some.
"Wouldn't Rabbit be surprised?" he thought to himself with a laugh.
He made sure to weave his way through the Caterpillar's mushroom forest, hoping that he wasn't too early to catch him awake. He was lucky today. The large insect was already up, packing books into a fabric bag to be returned to the library. It seemed he was on his way out.
"Good morning, Caterpillar!" Hare huffed as he jogged up, slowing down a little upon approach.
"Ah, Mr Hare. Good morning. Out for a morning run, I see." The Caterpillar was only marginally interested, which was usual.
Hare nodded and bounced around in place to keep his heart rate up, having worked up a sweat from his trek through the forest. The Caterpillar glanced at him silently, just the look of this bounding bunny making his bulky form feel tired.
"Can I help you?" Caterpillar finally asked, after a long awkward pause.
"Oh, right," Hare stopped hopping around, taking a seat on a large mushroom. "I was wondering if I could talk to you about something if you aren't busy. I need your help."
"I'm always busy, I have many things that I do that get no attention whatsoever," the six armed insect said, waving all of his right hands at the wrist at once. "But let's see what I can do for you. What's on your mind?"
"Well, as you know my Mother is coming to visit and I'm worried about impressing her. She expects me to be perfect and I just don't think I can deliver. I'm afraid she won't like my lifestyle choices."
"Well, you do live an… alternative lifestyle," Caterpillar droned, emphasizing the word alternative. "But everything you've said in the past about your mother has always been quite positive. What makes you think she won't approve of what you do?"
"Well, she expects me to be perfect all the time," he replied with a shrug. "I don't want to disappoint her."
"Do you think that maybe your mother doesn't expect you to be perfect, but believes that you are in fact perfect as you are?"
Hare paused and laughed at this notion, shaking his head. "If only that were the case!" he explained from his spot upon the mushroom. "She's always pushing me to do more, not to back down… and I'm afraid that I'll mess up and she won't be proud of me."
"Hmm. I see…" the Caterpillar put a gloved finger to his lips, nodding. "This does seem to be a tricky situation for you."
"You wouldn't happen to have a story to tell me, would you?" Hare asked reaching out and peeking into the bag of books the second pair of hands were holding, only to be slapped away.
"No, I'm afraid I don't…" he replied. "But I do have some words of wisdom that may help you."
Hare sat up at attention, listening eagerly.
"A wise man once said, 'A mother's love endures through all'," the Caterpillar said, waiving a finger around in the air as he spoke to punctuate his point. "I think you should be yourself, let your mother see the real you and let her love you for it. Because, after all, you are the only person who can be you."
Hare's shoulders drooped in disappointment, though he tried to hide it. He had wanted a different answer. "So, you're saying that I'm worrying for nothing."
"Precisely," Caterpillar said with a smile.
Hare huffed a little and stood up, brushing himself off as he thought to himself. "Thanks for the help, Caterpillar. I'll have to think about it some more."
Caterpillar watched Hare jog off through the mushroom forest, disappearing behind a tall purple fungi before speaking aloud to himself. "I pray for that woman and what she might experience in that house."
--
"25:40!" said a voice as Hare stumbled into the Hat house, sweaty and a little out of breath.
"What?" Hare asked, his glasses a little foggy as he looked around the room, trying to find the source of the voice.
"You're time," Hatter said, checking his pocket watch again with a nod. "Yup… 25:40."
"Man, I'm out of shape…"
"I think you're the perfect shape," Hatter said aloud with a smile.
Hare chortled and waved a hand at the Hatter, stumbling his way to the kitchen table and taking a seat. Hatter might have seen a blush on his partner's cheeks, if he wasn't already flushed from running. "I stopped and spoke to the Caterpillar for a little," Hare explained, wiping his glasses on his sweater before replacing them.
"Did he tell you a story? Please share," he said with a smile, dishing up an egg and tomato omelet, bacon and hash browns onto a plate for the Hare and sliding it his way.
"No, not a story. Just some crummy advice."
"Well, that's no fun," Hatter pouted. "What's the fun of visiting the Caterpillar if you don't get a good story out of it?"
Hare shrugged and tucked into his meal, partaking in some toast and strawberry jam with it. He'd asked for some coffee, but was firmly denied any, and settled on Raspberry tea with sugar.
--
Later that day, the pair were outside at the tea table enjoying the nice spring weather. Hatter had his guitar on his knee and was tuning it, strumming the strings and adjusting the tuning keys as he worked. Hare had his magic trunk out and open, its contents spilling onto the table. He had his EZ Magic Tricks book open and was reading through it, trying to find just the right illusions to add to his act. His nerves were getting frayed again and he was starting to feel overwhelmed.
Hatter noticed this and rested his hand on the guitar, watching Hare flip through the same five pages of the magic book. "You know…" he started, making him jump a little at the sudden sound of his voice. "I can help you choose, if you want help."
Hare wanted to resist the help, but accepted it. Hatter laid the guitar down on the table and scooted over, pushing cups and plates to the floor to make room for himself. He laid on his side so he could look through the book from the same direction as the Hare.
They flipped through the pages, looking at all the Ez detailed images. "Rings would be a nice touch…" Hatter pointed out.
Hare nodded. "And I've practiced the cuff trick. I can try that one again."
"Your mother hasn't seen that one, I guess it'll be alright… you need a big finisher," Hatter said, rotating the book a little more toward him and scanning through the pages quickly. Hare sat back a little, watching Hatter zoom through the book before stopping. "Eureka!"
"My what?" Hare asked in surprise, gazing down at the book.
"This is the one, Hare! Your big finisher." Hatter pointed a finger into the book and tilted it toward him, giving him a good look.
"Oh, Hatter…" he grimaced. "I, uh… I mean…"
"Come on, Hare! It'll be amazing! Can you imagine the look on your mother's face when she sees you pull that trick off!?"
Hare took the book in his hands and looked down at the instructions, scratching his head a little as he read. The trick seemed complicated… and they'd need to build some things in order to do it.
"You sure this belongs in the Ez book?" he muttered to himself.
Gazing up, he saw the excitement in Hatter's eyes and couldn't find it in his heart to disappoint him.
"Okay…" Hare breathed. "What have I got to lose?"
"That's the ticket!" Hatter celebrated, kicking his feet out a little and sending dishware to the ground with a smash.
"The book says we'll need a plant…" Hare rubbed his chin in contemplation. "You think I should pick one from my garden? I have a beautiful bluebell plant that is just about to bloom that might work."
Hatter pursed his lips and leaned back over, looking down at the book again with a furrowed brow. "No, not a plant like a flower! A plant like a helper. Someone in the audience who can help you who knows how the trick works. See?" He pointed to an illustration in the book with a gloved finger.
"Oh, right, I knew that," Hare chuckled nervously, reading the specifications of the type of 'volunteer' he'd need. "I bet I could get Alice to do it."
"She'll probably be around for tonight's tea party. You can talk to her about it then!"
Hare felt a little better about it, he knew he could trust Alice to be able to perform. He'd just have to worry about all the things he needed to do to get the trick to work out right. Flipping to the appendix, he started pulling diagrams and plans out of a hidden compartment in the back of the book, laying them out on the table to read over them. The strumming of the guitar started up again as Hatter began to play.
--
"We need to pick up the dry cleaning," Hare said as they got off the Wonderland bus the next day. "I dropped some things off for us earlier this week and I'm sure they're ready by now."
"Oh, well that's nice…" Hatter smiled, holding onto Hare's hand as they walked. "Where else are we going on our little trip into the city?"
"Just the Market. Alice said she'd be by early today to help with practice so we don't really have time to mess around." Hare was looking down at his grocery list in his free hand, making mental notes as they walked.
Hatter pouted, glancing around at all the shops he'd have liked to wander through. He stopped to peer in the window of some thrift shop and looked into it longingly, holding Hare back a little. "But I love messing around…"
Hare laughed and shook his head, pulling Hatter along to the Market. They walked in through the automatic doors and grabbed a shopping cart, pausing a moment by the self-serve Olive bar as Hare flipped through his grocery list.
"Don't forget, we need to get the usual stuff too," Hatter said, leaning on the cart with his feet up on the bar of the bottom basket. He watched Hare start to walk away before calling out. "Hare! Pull me!"
Hare looked up at him, a little annoyed already, but rolled his eyes and returned. "Fine, but only if you pull me later…" he griped, grabbing the front of the shopping cart and tugging it along behind him.
They made their way down the various aisles, grabbing the things they needed and tossing them into the bin. Hatter got caught up in the jam isle, trying to decide if he wanted to get more lemon marmalade or orange rhubarb jam for the table.
"Hare, you should learn to make jams and jellies and things…" Hatter said aloud, taking the orange rhubarb and placing it in the cart. "I bet you'd be good at it."
"I used to make wild berry jam with my Mom from the berries we had in our garden when I was young," Hare shrugged from inside the shopping cart, checking off items from his list. He was laying in the big basket and had his legs scrunched up, his feet hanging over the side as Hatter pushed him. "I can teach you sometime."
Hatter agreed. "That sounds pretty fun! Let's schedule that for three weeks from Wednesday."
"Noted!" Hare said, jotting it down in his calendar.
They continued to shop, making their way to the produce section when a tall white bunny came into view. Hatter and Hare stopped, glanced at each other with wicked grins on their faces, and made their way to him. They snuck up behind him as he was sniffing some carrots, looking very hungry.
"Nice day, Rabbit," Hatter said loudly from Rabbit's right, causing him to jump a little, almost losing his balance on his skates. He had dropped all the veggies he had in his hands though, sending them scattering on the floor. His brow was furrowed as he looked to the source of his freight, his shoulders dropping a little.
"What are you two doing here?" Rabbit said, flustered. He looked like he had already had a very long day and the last thing he wanted to deal with were these two dingle-berries
"Why, shopping of course!" Hare chuckled from the basket of the cart, struggling to pull his body out of it. He flopped around a little, cans and groceries falling in on him and keeping him in place. He eventually gave up and reached his arms out to Hatter, giving a small whimper.
"The Queen busting your balls today, Rabbit?" Hatter asked as he lifted the Hare out of the cart, helping him to his feet.
"No more than usual-" Rabbit started, but stopped himself and shook his head a little. "Why are you two bothering me? Don't you have things to be doing right now? Hare, isn't your mother coming tomorrow?"
"Oh, Rabbit, can't we come say hello to you when we run into you in public?" Hare asked, a goofy smile on his face as he put one hand on his hip, the other on Rabbit's shoulder. Rabbit grimaced and lifted the yellow hand from his body, looking at it like he didn't want to know where it had been.
'It's almost like you're ashamed to know us…" Hatter remarked, shaking his head.
"I'm on a time crunch and I don't have time to mess around. The Queen is expecting a full spread for dinner tonight and she wants me to give her a mani pedi while she watches The Bachelor tonight. And that's on top of everything else I have going on." Rabbit had stooped down and picked up the produce he dropped on the ground, placing them in a hand basket as he spoke. He was picking up an onion and placing it in his basket when Hatter pounced on him.
"What a coincidence! We're on a time crunch too!" He had a bright smile on his face as he wrapped an arm around Rabbit's shoulder, pulling him in close and almost off the ground. "How about we shop together and help each other out? It'll save time and be much more efficient."
"I can help you pick out some produce!" Hare offered, reaching out to the apples with an eager hand. "I'm good at picking out the fresh ones."
Rabbit's face puckered and he shook his head, remembering the last time he'd taken them with him to the grocery store. "No… I believe I can manage. Thank you~."
"Well, don't say we never tried to do anything for ya," Hatter said indignantly, a fake pout on his face.
Rabbit dusted himself off and shook a little, maybe to vent some frustration. "Now, if you don't mind-" he started, only to be stopped by Hatter again.
"So, did you think about the talent show at all? What are you going to do for your act?"
Rabbit put a hand to his temples, just wanting to get along with his day and away from this duo's shenanigans. "I told you already, I am far too busy to participate in something as trivial as a talent show. Unlike the two of you, I must work for a living. And the Queen is a very demanding woman."
"Oh, come on Rabbit! Don't be a spoiled sport." Hatter said, scrunching up his lips in mock disappointment. "Everyone else will be doing an act. You'll be left out if you don't do something."
"Yeah, and my Mom will be there," Hare added. "Wouldn't you like to show off a little for her? Maybe you'll get lucky. She's single..." he jabbed Rabbit in the ribs jokingly, giving him a playful wink.
The Rabbit grimaced and glanced at the Hare with what would almost be described as a look of complete disgust. The last thing he would ever want to do, would be to 'get' with anyone that this thing came out of.
"Even the Caterpillar is participating," Hatter added, looking in the Rabbit's basket and removing the carrots and some other vegetables, putting them back on the shelf unnoticed. "You'll be sorry…"
The Rabbit just wanted to be out of this duo's company "Alright!" he snapped, causing both Hatter and Hare to look at him with alarm. "I'll think about it, are you happy!? My carrots! All…" he looked down into his basket, noticing that it was half empty. "My carrots? Where are my carrots? And my celery? And the jicama?" His attention had been taken away from the pair and he was now looking around the produce department for his lost veggies.
"Oh, and now we're being ignored! Real mature, Rabbit! We can take a hint!" Hatter said, waving his hands in the air. "Come on, Hare. We have more shopping to do anyway." He then took hold of the handle of the shopping cart and stood on the bottom basket bar, Hare gripping the front of the cart and pulling him out of the produce department.
It took them five minutes to realize they hadn't gathered any fruits or vegetables and returned to the department, but dashed around to try to stay out of sight of Rabbit. He, of course, knew what they were doing and tried his best to ignore them. It was hard when he passed them with their heads lined up among the pineapples, trying not to be noticed.
When they were done squeezing oranges and sniffing cantaloupes, they made their way to the checkout line. Hare took out his envelope of coupons and had them at the ready when they got to the cashier. Hatter peeked into Hare's wallet and saw that it was mostly filled with photos of the two of them (and one of his mother), a barber shop punch card and his Movie Land Video membership card, as well as a blood donor card that said his blood type was O+. After adding a last minute purchase of two candy bars to their order, they loaded their arms up with their bags and set out on their way to the dry cleaners.
"Were you really insinuating that Rabbit should try to impress your mother while we were talking to him in the store just now?" Hatter asked, munching on his chocolate bar. At the time he hadn't thought it strange, he was in doofus mode and was mostly trying to give Rabbit a hard time, but thinking about it now it left a weird taste in his mouth. And it wasn't the chocolate he was nibbling.
"I was just yanking his chain," Hare shrugged his shoulders, brushing it off. "I mean, it's not like my Mother would be interested anyway. This is Rabbit we're talking about. He isn't really her type."
Hatter considered this and bobbed his head a little in agreement before scarfing down the rest of his candy bar.
--
Hare laid in bed later that night, staring at the yellow walls, the Hatter snuggled up against his side as he slept. He knew he'd be up half the night because of his nerves. The past couple days had been relaxing and smooth enough to take the edge off, but he still had that pit in his stomach. Something would go wrong, he knew it. It always did.
He ran through all the plans in his head, calculating what he could do to minimize mistakes. In all honesty, he wasn't worried about the tea party. They had prepared all the tarts and they were in the deep freezer in the basement, waiting to be baked up fresh tomorrow. All the makings of the sandwiches were in the fridge and they'd pick up their order from Just Add Sugar tomorrow on the way to the train station. It was the magic act he was more worried about. He'd only managed to do half the tricks correctly when he and Alice had practiced them and got so nervous that he handcuffed his wrist to his ankle somehow. And the big showstopper he never managed to get right! Oh, why had he agreed with the Hatter to do this?
Shaking the thoughts out of his head, he looked at the round alarm clock next to him on the bedside table, squinting his eyes to read the time. It was late he really needed to sleep.
Wiggling down a little, he burrowed into the covers, causing Hatter to stir a little beside him.
"It's okay, Hare," he mumbled, half asleep as he gave the bunny a squeeze. "We have another jar of pickles in the fridge."
--
"Hare, you need to take a seat and try to relax," Hatter remarked, watching his friend pace around the tea table once again. "You look like you dug into the caffeine again."
"My Mother will be here in," Hare paused and looked at his watch, nose twitching. "Two hours, fifteen minutes and 12 seconds. How can I not panic?!"
Hatter rolled his eyes and stirred his morning tea lazily, adding another cube of sugar to it. "Just calm down and breathe, it'll be okay." He was focusing on the tea so much he didn't notice when the Hare took a harmonica out of his pocket and started to breath in and out of it, filling the air with the shrill sound. Hatter watched him silently, a brow cocked, sipping from his teacup.
The Dormouse peeped out of his teapot, tiny hands gripping the rim and head swirling around. "What is that noise?"
"The Hare is having a breakdown," Hatter mentioned casually. "Give him a couple minutes and he'll calm down."
Dormouse blinked and glanced at the Hare, who was still wheezing into the harmonica. "If this is going to be a regular thing, I might have to look for another teapot. If the hills are alive with this sound of music, I don't think I'll be able to stand it."
Hatter nodded. "How true that is," he said as he got to his feet, striding up behind his friend and reaching around to pluck the harmonica out of his hands, tossing it over his shoulder into the bushes. "Don't worry so much. The house is clean, your place is all prepared, and this afternoon's tea party will be a success. Everyone already told us they were going to be here early, so all you have to do is bring your Mom." Leaning forward, he gave his Hare a peck on the cheek.
The Hare sighed, his shoulders dropping a little as he scrunched his face up. He knew he was overreacting but he couldn't help it. "My Mother expects a lot out of me, only the best. I just want to make her proud. And I want her to approve of us."
"And she will," the Hatter patted him on the shoulders, giving them a squeeze before letting them go. "I think you need some camomile tea and a little sit down. Maybe if you're good, I'll let you help me set the table with your cups and saucers for tonight."
"I do love camomile…" Hare managed, taking a seat and grabbing a scone, not fully intending to eat any of it. He had too many butterflies in his stomach and none of them were hungry either.
After managing to get some calming tea in his system, Hatter decided he'd let the Hare help with setting the table. All the gifted tea sets had been washed the night before and were gleaming in their boxes as they were brought out.
"Now to just clear the table," Hatter announced, lifting his arms up to swipe the current settings onto the ground.
"Hatter, no!" Hare threw himself over the tea table, covering the cups and saucers in the process, hearing a few of them crack under his weight.
Hatter dropped his arms at his sides, brow furrowed. "What's the problem now?"
"What would my mother think if she saw you being careless with your things? She'd find it unnecessarily unruly!"
"How true that is," Hatter said, putting a finger to his chin as he considered it. "So, no throwing things. Anything else?"
"Just…" Hare heaved, getting up from the table and dusting himself off. "Try to keep in control. Don't get too crazy. My Mother likes order and discipline. If she sees you acting wild, she might get the wrong idea."
"So, you don't like me acting crazy now?"
Hare stopped suddenly, his eyes growing wide as he realized what it sounded like. "No no no, I love you being crazy! You're my Mad Hatter and I don't want you any other way. I just don't think my Mother will appreciate it as much as I do."
The Hatter tried to look offended but he simply couldn't. He knew the Hare meant well and just wanted to impress. Plus he looked so cute when he was wound up tight as a drum.
"I'll try my best, but I make no promises," he joked, giving his Hare a peck on the lips. "Were you like this when your mother met all your other partners, or am I just lucky?"
"Oh…" Hare's face went red as a nervous laugh slipped from his lips. "She didn't exactly meet too many of them. Not that I've had many."
Hatter smirked and shook his head, not surprised in the slightest about his answer.
--
Hare stood on the train station platform, his shoes shined and his suit pressed, holding a bouquet of pansies from his own garden, tied together with a yellow ribbon. He kept bouncing on his toes, a bundle of nerves. Hatter felt that it was a good thing he had decided to come with him to the station, he was pretty sure his pal was going to take off like a rocket if there wasn't someone there holding him down. He was seated on a bench on the platform, a couple pink boxes from Just Add Sugar next to him as well as a box of handmade chocolates. "Hare, why don't you take a seat? The train is only a few minutes late."
"I can't sit, I'm just too nervous!" he squeaked, biting at his thumb as he looked up and down the track. "Remind me again why we're doing this?"
"Because if we're going to take our relationship to the next level I'm going to have to eventually meet your mother. And now is as good a time as any." Hatter reached his long arm and grasped Hare's hand, holding it to try to calm him down a little. It didn't seem to work. "Come and sit."
"I think maybe a year from next July would be a better day," Hare wheezed and moved to dash off the platform when a loud whistle made the pair jump. They turned to see the train pull up to the station, steam streaming from the smokestack. The train pulled in to a stop, pausing and then jolting forward once before the doors flung open. Hare stood there, fidgeting, waiting to see his mother come out of the double doors. When she didn't, he looked at the Hatter with a worried expression and dashed in to search for her.
It didn't take long before they appeared on the landing, June holding the bouquet of flowers in her gloved hands and the Hare dragging her obscenely large amount of luggage behind them.
"How was your trip?" The Hare asked his mother, attempting to lift her bags up onto his shoulder.
"It was marvelous, very relaxing," she crooned in her squeaky voice. June was fussing over him as they walked, adjusting his bow tie and pushing his bangs away from his eyes. "Although the guard kept harassing me for my ticket every stop. He was very rude."
The two approached Hatter and paused, looking up at him expectantly. He had gotten to his feet and met them halfway down the landing, holding the boxes of sugary goodies in his arms.
"Mom, this is the Mad Hatter."
Hatter could definitely see the family resemblance. She looked exactly like the Hare, only with a grey hairdo and lipstick. It was almost off putting.
"June!" Hatter beamed, thrusting a box of chocolate covered carrots in her direction. "So nice to finally meet you!"
June Hare smiled at the Hatter. "Oh, Hatter. Yes, it's lovely to finally meet you too. I've only ever spoken to you over the telephone." She seemed to give him a quick once over, her eyes scanning him for any imperfections in his dress or demeanor. She didn't give any indication that something was wrong, so the Hatter figured he was in the clear. "And thank you for these, I'm sure they're delicious."
"Hare and I made them ourselves," Hatter beamed, looking at his buddy. "From your family recipe, I believe."
The Hare looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown, but he was keeping it together. He kept balling his little hands up, fidgeting with his fingers behind his back. Hatter thought he looked adorable.
"That's very sweet of you," June mused, tucking the box under her arm as the group left the station and walked their way to Hare's house. About halfway there, Hatter took some of June's luggage from his boyfriend to give his arms a break.
June seemed charmed by Hare's little home. She thought the garden was impressive and oohed and awed as they entered the tiny abode. They settled her in Hare's guest room, leaving her bags there as they gave her a tour. Hare thought he'd faint when he saw her do a glove test on the top of some of his bookshelves, but it seemed he had passed her test because she didn't say anything.
About halfway through the tour, Hatter took out his golden pocket watch to check the time. "I should probably get home and get the tea brewing," he whispered to Hare as his mother stepped out of the room.
"Okay…" Hare whined, not wanting to be left alone. He was still a bundle of nerves, constantly afraid his mother would find something out of place for him to fix.
Hatter smiled and gave his hare a kiss on the cheek to calm him a little. "She got here safe, she seems happy with everything… try to relax."
"I'll try," he huffed, managing a weak smile. "I'll bring her over in about an hour."
"I'll see you then," he replied with a wink before speaking out loud. "I'm going to head home and get the tea started, June. I'll see you there in a bit."
"That will be nice," June replied from the next room. They found her in the kitchen standing on a chair, rotating all the cans in the pantry so their labels faced forward.
"Oh no…" Hare moaned. "Mom, stop. Leave those…"
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heroinkspots · 4 years
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Catharsis; Aizawa / Reader
SUMMARY ( You knew the man you loved could die. You were certain you had accepted it, had moved on from the constant anxiety that makes heroes insomniacs. But when you visit Aizawa in the hospital post-USJ Incident, you’re smacked with the reality there are some losses you can’t help but dread, yet zero you can prevent. )
One finger down.
Breathe.
Two fingers.
Breaking News: Erasure Hero Gets Critically Injured in USJ Aftermath, Current Condition Unknown!
Up next on Channel 86: at five o'clock, Dr. Oishi Hotaka and Dr. Yasuda Kurou broadcast live to discuss the recent developments about the USJ Incident and the repercussions for hero society going forward.
Three.
"I respect your opinion on this matter, Kurou-san, but I personally don't believe Japan can continue with the current status quo! UA's safety standards have declined dramatically in the past few decades, and their negligence will go on for as long as the public and the parents of these students allow it- which, I dare say, won't be long at all. Not long at all, my friend. We'll soon see that what we're giving these children, in UA and across the country in similar hero academies, is a subpar education, with more risks than benefits..and the most horrifying of these risks now includes the potential of their life being stolen from them at fifteen, sixteen years old."
”Well, that signals the end of our slot for tonight, viewers! Join us here next week for a live conference meeting of—"
F..four.
That announcer was right. He was scarily right. Civilians could turn off their television should they be the smallest bit uncomfortable while they were watching their heroes sacrifice their sanity, their every selfish human desire and sometimes even their lives to protect the masses that watcher belonged to.
To them, Shota was a headline. He was a vague concept, a will 'o wisp leading them home to a sense of safety, but he couldn't be felt with the hands nor seen with the eyes nor experienced with the heart. He was so underground you doubted they could recall his name without having it spoonfed to them by another copycat, know-it-all Dr. Oishi Hotaka reading off a script designed to spark outrage instead of reasonable thought. Introspection didn't sell well. Introspection didn't toss TV show hosts intriguing material to cover and it didn't grant jobs to reporters.
The truth was a bitter pill nobody liked to swallow. And if citizens didn't like the truth, they'd switch to a different channel to hear white noise that tasted good; and the Hotakas couldn't afford that, could they?
Five fingers you'd used up.
He had broken thirteen separate bones–nearly a third of the fingers you'd used so far for this stupid counting exercise. You had heard a summary of the damage from his doctors prior to standing where you stood now, and you had memorized it like a prayer of thanksgiving.
Shota couldn't be hurt if he was dead. Only a living man had the privilege of suffering pain. And dead..dead was your worst nightmare. The imaginary picture of his cold corpse made crippling injury seem like a reverie of inconceivable fortune in comparison.
Six.
Crushed orbital floor, fractured clavicle, nasal fracture, parietal bone oblique fractures, severe left elbow fractures (segmental break in his humerus bone, fractures half as destructive in his radius and ulna), one direct skull fracture—
Thirteen bones, thirteen of your fucking failures.
Seven.
You knew not to overreact. That was why you and Shota had gotten along brilliantly to begin with. You weren't a clingy partner who longed to ensure he was safe to your exacting requirements, but a fellow hero in his stead, laser-focused on furthering your ambitious climb to the top and holding down your position within the twenties once you had garnered your status. You respected him and how obviously reserved he could be, embracing his trepidation about placing himself in the spotlight as a virtue instead of a flaw..and for that, mutual respect bloomed into love in your second year of UA.
You and him had persevered because you were identically persevering personalities. You solved your arguments fairly and calmly, you conceded to his wishes and him to yours, crafting compromises and tempering spots of flickering flame before they could graze gasoline. You took pride in the fact that you knew the consequence of your professions, and you were willing to take his loss with his love.
Your logic couldn't have prepared you for USJ.
Shota Aizawa, that quiet, seemingly stern and uncaring, infuriating, loyal and self-sacrificing son of a bitch hadn't just gone out and danced with Death; he'd preformed a suspiciously intimate tango with her, gotten her number, invited her out for drinks and kissed her on the mouth when their date concluded.
And there was little logic to be found in the strong Pro Hero reduced to incomprehensible sobbing and bawling in the hospital breakroom mere minutes earlier.
Eight.
You'd cried so heavily you had to muffle your mouth with your sweater so passing staff wouldn't be alerted to the sounds of your emotional breakdown. Feeling that fabric grow damp and sticky with the flood of your agonized tears, the humilation stung at you, but it was faint and trivial when measured against the surge of your dominant emotions: anger–anger at yourself, anger at the villains who would target and hunt children purely to force a pathway to All Might, anger at this world which normalized casualty and tragedy; fear that this was the beginning of the so-called Villain League's attacks and that Shota, and by extension, you, would be at the forefront of countless battles; and the knowledge that your Pro license didn't do a damn thing for you.
Could you genuinely label yourself a Hero if you couldn't save your lover of a decade?
It wasn't a lack of faith on your behalf, or you discounting his abilities–you were aware of his skill. You saw how he built himself up to be the highly specialized, skilled Eraserhead; but regardless of how formidable the person, you would pity the unfortunate soul who had the might of Hell and high water bearing down on their head.
You would pity yourself in that situation too.
Nine. Last finger to put down.
You had counted so you could collect yourself, present a solid face to Shota when you finally entered his room, but your efforts were in vain. Your eyes were damp again, and you rubbed them furiously on your sleeve, the irritated rims puffing out from the blood rushing to your temple. Shota's voice rang out- you were effectively busted.
"Come in."
The abruptness made you release a watery chuckle. The recovery room's observation window was advertised as being "one-way," as if that would hinder your lover's keen perception of his surroundings. His demonstration of sharpness eased your concerns to a degree. After all, dead bodies were usually less talkative and dumber than he was being..but you wanted to, no, needed to see him desperately.
"I came as soon as I heard what happened." Your voice shook when your gaze locked with his, peering through the stiff bandaged cast at you, one eyelid firmly shut and quivering with the other parted lazily and projecting an unshakable confidence in your direction. Shota's resolve wasn't frigid indifference but rather reliability, a slowly seeping warmth you could fall back on whenever standing by yourself felt impossible. He looked at you as if you were the wounded party between the pair of you, as if he could tell you wanted to run and he was convincing you you didn't have to–because his relentless determination would stay permanently untouched, and so would he. Unchanging, reassuring.
"But I was already on the plane when I received the news, so I..dammit, I was helpless. I..I just sat there, Shota. Sat there and watched as the headlines rolled in, as the media scrambled for some coherent information to pump out. I sat there for an awful twelve hours– that's how much time it took me to get a one-stop plane ride back to Japan and land. And by then, USJ was completely cleared of people. I heard you were in the hospital and had to track you down out of all the fucking confidential hero hospitals you could potentially be in." You balled your fists in your hair, working a dent into the floor beneath you from your agitated pacing.
You nervously glanced at him before averting your eyeline to the walls. Shame curled within you. "I had no idea where you were located, whether you were dead or injured or comatose," you whispered weakly.
Shota cleared his throat, and although it was dry, scratchy and emerged mainly as a pained gurgling bursting from his chest, your attention was on him anyway. Your head snapped towards him and you flinched as you saw him struggling to prop himself up in the bed. You rushed forward to help, but he fared on his own, evenutally pushing himself into a sitting position with the pillows for extra padding to keep him stable. He stared at you wordlessly, his mouth drawn taut in a frustrated, sad grimace until he patted the bed beside him for you to sit.
You agreed.
"We've had this conversation before, you know," he mumbled into your shoulder. You startled, your muscles jerking at the tickling sensation of his bandage wrap. That minute detail almost caused you to tumble into hysterics once more. Shit, it was annoying and the reflex was inconvenient, but it was a beacon of hope that you could be annoyed–the rubbing and tickling told you Shota's going to be okay since, look, you had the evidence of repair brushing against you to remind you. Persistently.
"We have?" You promoted him, nudging him with the gentleness you would save for a young child.
Shota sighed, puffing air through his nose, and sobered up fast; his demeanor returned to serious thoughtfulness as he straightened, his stature strangely close to traditional etiquette despite being bedridden. You waited in anticipation for him to gather himself and speak.
"We have. When we were twenty year olds rookies with brains thicker than concrete. I was dwelling on a mother and son I had failed to save in a rescue from months before. But it was you who told me– 'the past is worthless until you use it to improve your future, Aizawa, and it becomes worse than worthless when you allow it to impede your future. That mother and her little boy wouldn't want their memory to hold you back from becoming the hero I'm certain you can be. It's doing a disservice to them if you don't take advantage of those mistakes to avoid repeating them.'"
You froze. "Shota, that's not the same situation and you know it's not. I..goddammit, I was lost and confused in a foreign country fighting for a way to get back and I couldn't contact you, I couldn't figure out who made it through, you or the kids or All Might. Or Thirteen. There's a considerable disparity between that and immediate, subconscious mistakes you make in the field. That was no mistake-that was a gaping lack of oversight on my part. That was failure."
Shota raised his brow, unimpressed. "Fine, then. You failed.”
"So what?"
"So you become better for the sake of the people you believe you failed."
You felt like smacking your head against the bed frame. Him and his logical ruses, God. Never giving ground to you, but countering you with few words delivered concisely and setting you up to arrive at a preplanned destination but changing your course before you could catch up to where he'd cleverly spun the talk this round. You couldn't muster exasperation when you glared at him, however–your glare melted into fondness at the minuscule grin he wore and the overwhelming exhaustion and tenderness beneath his layer of amusement.
You were tired and hungry, Shota was tired and hungry, and you ached to hug him and refuse to let go forever.
You could start on attaining your ideal existence by filling your stomach.
"Hey, do you want food?" Affirmative grunt. "Would you like me to go get some?" Equally affirmative grunt. With his enthusiastic approval, you left his designated room and wandered throughout the hospital. It took longer than you would have supposed, but you came back to greet him with armfuls of instant ramen, oden, and sugary treats you bought solely to indulge yourself but tried to frame as 'purchases for two'.
"I brought you the fanciest cuisine they have avaliable in their vending machines," you said. Shota snorted as you dumped the packages across the visitor's chair and gently dropped into your place beside him on the bed, careful not to hit him or disturb his wounds.
Your hand wound up to the crown of his head, where your hand tangled into the strands of his hair, fingers squeezing the tangled mess it was. "Can I tempt you?" You muttered into his ear.
He hummed noncommitally, his lips quirking. "I trust you." You had to restrain yourself from smiling so wide that you scared off your quarry, a pleased smugness rising from how naturally and freely he delivered that.
His humming turned from casual to an evident sign of contentment as your faithful ministrations endured for a while. It wasn't quite normalcy with how you tucked the pads of your fingers in so they wouldn't grace his forehead and circled a cautious breadth around all regions of his face, but it was adequate to drive your fears into some rarely ventured corner of your mind to torture you at a later date.
Definitely became more adequate when Shota passed out draped on your form. He was slouching, his nose buried in the crook of your neck and his unharmed right hand motionless on your leg. When you shuffled subtly to get a nicer angle and actually see the wonderful sight you had achieved, he groaned in protest, and you couldn't find it in yourself to attempt to leave when he was smiling. Deviously soft, and oblivious to your judgment–he was smiling in his sleep.
Most who had to deal with him would deal with Aizawa, the hardass teacher or Aizawa, the workaholic who could be seen bent over his laptop at ungodly hours of morning and night grading papers and drafting reports for his principal. Some unlucky fools would be pursued by him and would be petrified when Eraserhead's eerie crimson irises fell upon them, stripping them of the controlled sense of superiority they clung to as their refuge.
But you knew a secret an extremely select few were privy to. You knew that his shell was dense and tough yet brittle, a personification of intimidating traits he adopted when they served him, and he was a bleeding heart for the victims of the world who couldn't fight for themselves, for those children he taught who had glinting stars inside them he would never permit to be stamped out.
And that was why you were terrified. Because you knew he was breakable.
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Restoring Your Garden Trampoline
With spring about upon us, a large number of you will currently be wandering into the garden to clean up and get ready for the new Season. On the off chance that you have a trampoline and it's looking a little drained after the long virus winter, here are a few hints to help reestablish it to its previous brilliance.
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Trampoline Frames
The trampoline outline is at the core of the trampoline for its safety and execution. It is fundamental that the casing is in acceptable condition. It might be conceivable in the event that you discover harm or consumption to source another part and supplant that segment yet on the off chance that this is absurd, or the edge is past monetary fix, you will most likely need to scrap it. Assess the casing cautiously. Search for erosion from water that has inside the trampoline ring and is causing rust from within which probably won't be effectively obvious yet causing a debilitating of the trampoline outline. Numerous modest trampolines won't electrify within the trampoline tubing and this leaves them at risk to disappointment thusly.
On the off chance that the trampoline has a welded outline check the state of the welds cautiously to guarantee there is no crack. This is a typical zone for the trampoline to come up short, maybe from over-burdening or just from a low quality weld.
This is the most significant region for checking as a casing could come up short while being used prompting a potential genuine physical issue for any individual who is using it at that point.
Trampoline Jump Mat
The trampoline tangle may have gaps in it brought about by things falling on it like branches or firecrackers (a typical offender!) or even a cigarette end. The trampoline tangle (or jump tangle as it is now and then known) can be supplanted. You should know the size of your trampoline, its state and the quantity of springs it needs to append to. You may likewise require a spring device to expel the old trampoline tangle and introduce the upgraded one. It tends to be difficult work to do this without a spring apparatus. Ensure that any new trampoline tangle is made of An evaluation Permatron Polypropylene, which is UV safe, and sewn with UV safe string. The V rings to append to the springs ought to likewise be stirred to forestall rust.
Recall when you evacuate the old skip tangle to remove the springs in even stages around the edge in order to keep up the strain over the ricochet tangle equitably until you just have four springs left appending it at 12, 3, 6 and 9 o'clock, at that point at long last expel these. When introducing the new tangle start by putting these four springs on first and afterward develop the strain by slowly putting springs on to part the holes. You will discover this makes it a lot simpler when you go to the last ones.
Trampoline Springs
Your trampoline springs may have gotten over extended or eroded after some time and require substitution. You should know what number of springs your trampoline needs, and the length of these when they are very still (to do this you have to evacuate one that is in the best condition and not over extended). Measure the full length of the spring from the external edges of the snares at either end.
You may need to arrange a spring instrument to assist you with expelling the old ones and introduce the new ones. See the "skip tangle" area of this article for guidelines on the technique to utilize while evacuating and reinstalling countless the springs one after another.
Try not to be enticed to utilize a spring that is an unexpected length in comparison to those you have. It will make the exhibition of your trampoline be diminished fundamentally.
Trampoline Net/Trampoline Enclosure
The trampoline net can get harmed in high breezes if garden trash is blown into it or perhaps the trampoline has been blown over and the safety nook got harmed all the while. The net can likewise be harmed by children talking it while they are jumping and pulling it down.
With certain plans of trampoline walled in area it is difficult to supplant the netting alone and a totally different trampoline safety fenced in area should be bought. In any case, a few providers offer the netting independently to accommodate their own plan of trampoline and this may likewise fit some different makes.
On the off chance that a portion of the trampoline nook posts, top tops or sleeves are missing, or harmed, at that point these can without much of a stretch be supplanted too instead of purchasing a totally different trampoline walled in area pack.
Trampoline Spring Padding
Presumably the most probable part to require supplanting on your trampoline is the spring cushioning. Throughout the years the texture, anyway all around made, will fall apart under solid daylight and in substantial breezes. The chilly climate can likewise make it fragile which brings about it splitting. It is significant not to utilize the trampoline with no spring cushioning as somebody could fall on the casing and get a physical issue on the off chance that it isn't secured.
Numerous modest trampolines utilize a PE material which will presumably require supplanting every year as the material will in general break in the daylight. Spending somewhat more on better quality spring cushioning can save cash over the long haul.
Trampoline Cover
In future, a decent tip is to evacuate the spring cushioning toward the finish of the period to shield it from the components. On the other hand purchase a trampoline spread to give added insurance to the entire trampoline. The trampoline spread will help secure the skip tangle, springs, spring cushioning and somewhat the edge likewise by forestalling precipitation water getting inside the tubing. A few people breakdown the safety fenced in area on to the focal point of the trampoline toward the finish of the Autumn and spread the entire thing with the trampoline spread.
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bluehhj · 5 years
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listen to me — chapter 27
LISTEN TO ME — 0027
listen to me masterlist;
WORDS: 1.9K
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Chan wept not only the pitangas*, but also all the fruits of the fruit bow. It wasn't possible that someone had such bad luck!
"And her boyfriend got there all of a sudden, all handsome, looked like a model," — he sniffed as he talked about his fateful discovery about the hot girl at the hospital being compromised. Not that he was surprised, since fate loved to preach those plays to him, but he could swear that the smiles that that girl had sent him eventually wanted to say something... Probably, that he was a fool. — "It looked like those movie scenes, you know? Where he hugs her around the waist and gives that amazing kiss for everyone to see that they're a perfect couple. Even Seungmin must've laughed at my defeated face!" — Chan remembered Kim's indecipherable expression as he let the stethoscope drop to the floor. He also stationed in the same hospital, and although they had never had any disagreements, Chan thought that even that forgotten plant at the front desk was making fun of his personal failure. — "I feel cheated again!"
Lee Felix, who was sitting on the other side of the table, looked at his new friend in a way that should've been a little comfortable, but he also suffered so much from those damn breakdowns that he didn't even know what to do with his own life, nor with that of others.
Felix had requested transfer to the same college of Chan and that was the first day that he attended the lessons of the course of Medicine with the new class. Alas, he was already gifted by a double work without even getting a tiny salute from the professors, and Chan, who was sitting next to him, noticing how much the rookie looked lost, asked if they could do it together. Felix just missed wrapping him in a hug. Usually he wasn't so easy to make friends — for some reason, people always thought he was a bit strange (?) — what could've caused a headache if Chan hadn't been a good person and helped a soul in need of attention. So much attention, so to say.
It took forty minutes together and half a work done for Felix to start pouring out his frustrations as if they had been friends for a long time. His girlfriend had dumped him, so he was needy and immensely sad the last few days. The plan was to meet at five, after Chan had left the internship, and tried to finish the work until seven, but it was nearly nine o'clock and all they both knew how to do was cry — after Felix opened his wounded heart, Chan began to identifying with him and having his feelings rummaged by what appeared to be a giant blender, consequently urging him to talk about his frustrations as well, emphasizing the latter.
All that was missing was a bottle of soju and music for cuckold.
"That's why I detest some women" — gripping one of Bang's hands lightly, Felix sniffed and wiped the corner of his eyes with a napkin he'd recently purchased. — "No offense," — he said to Jade, who now only watched the two of them from the counter while making juice. She had tried to use her words from a near-graduate psychologist to console them in the last half hour, but it didn't seem to do much good. — "You're nice."
"Huh... Thank you?" — the american replied hesitantly. On the one hand, she was happy that Chan had arranged a friend, but the other was worried that the same friend would be so melancholic. Two melancholics together never ended in good. — "You're nice too, I guess."
"Really?" — the australian smiled suddenly. — "Not everyone says that, thank you!"
"... You're welcome."
At that moment, the front door made a noise and those in the kitchen waited until the person in charge showed up. It was inevitable for Felix not to let his jaw drop.
"May I know where you were until that time?" — Jade asked as soon as she saw Jinah enter the room, as if she were unnie there. However, everything became clearer as the figure of Jisung also entered her field of vision.
"In the church, of course," — Choi replied as she got rid of her uncomfortable tie. — "Praying for the Holy Spirit."
"With that swollen mouth?"
"That's not my fault."
Jisung let out a small "oh" when Jinah sent him a meaningful look with a wink. He was totally embarrassed by such attitudes.
Jade could already imagine the rest of the story. It'd start with dates, kisses here and there, nighttime visits and, when she realized, Jisung would already be sprawled out on the living room sofa. That way they'd have to rent a bigger apartment.
"What?" — Jinah asked when she finally noticed Chan's emotional situation. — "That girl from the hospital already has someone?"
He didn't want to be so predictable.
"My love for her started so random and ended even more..." — he lamented, drawing disjointed things on the sheet of notebook on the table. — "By the way, this is Felix, we met today," — his eyes met those of the younger boy, who by then had already blessed the newcomers mentally and returned to normal. — "This is Jinah, my friend, and that is Jisung, the... How can I call?"
"It's something undefined, I get it" — Felix laughed when Jinah opened her mouth, but couldn't find the right word, at the same time Jisung seemed to have received a flip-flop on both cheeks. — "Nice to meet you."
The doorbell rang and Jade, supposing it was the pizza, left the kitchen while the others settled on the table and exchanged receptive words. In the meantime, Changbin came out of the bath cheerfully, with a wide smile decorating his face.
"I loved the internship, being close to all those cute little kids is so cute!" — he said with his hands on his cheeks, resulting in a discreet grimace coming from Jisung. — "There are also the older ones, but I confess that little ones are my favorites!"
"But..." — Han whispered to Jinah, who could only hear because they were sitting close to each other. — "He's not like that, that's wrong."
"I told you that the impression you had of him was wrong," — Choi whispered back. — "But you don't believe the things I say."
"It must be because you're always talking nonsense"
"Boy, you can be sure that when I start talking real nonsense you'll know."
"And one of them even called me Binnie!" — Changbin continued his story, causing Chan and Felix to stop crying and start laughing and commenting on. It was just another day almost normal.
Having the two boxes of pizza on the table — one of chicken and the other of chocolate —, Jade took the jar of ice-cold orange juice that rested on the counter and began to serve the glasses. As soon as she went to deliver Jisung's, her gaze took on a deeper depth, like the look of a suspicious mother lurking in her son's first girlfriend.
Han stared at the glass for a moment, then turned to the american: — "There's no poison, right?"
"The will to kill you is no bigger than my willingness to spend money on so little."
"Jade!" — Jinah scolded.
"He started it!"
"I didn't start anything!" — retorted Jisung. — "You who kept staring at me with that angry face."
"But it's your fault!" — the american stamped her foot.
"I wasn't even looking at you. If your problem is jealous of Jinah, you can keep it to yourself!"
"She can?" — Choi's expression became sad, but she was promptly ignored in the middle of the argument.
"I'm not jealous of Jinah!" — Jade stated with all the conviction that she was able to gather within her 5'3" tall. — "I just don't like you very much!"
"Guys, what is that?" — Changbin intervened, alternating his gaze between them. — "Can't you stay in peace for at least a few hours?"
"Or rather, can't you be at peace for all?" — Chan reshaped the question. — "If you're going to have to get used to each other's presence anyway, you'd better do it more quietly, no?"
"It's not me, it's her" — sulked, Jisung folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. Jade was about to do the same, but her good sense alerted her to how much she was being childish acting like that. — "And I won't apologize while she doesn't."
"Ah, but..." — Kang was almost indignant again, but eventually let out a sigh and lift the fucking white flag for being easier and less exhausting. — "Okay..." — she bit the inside of her cheek in a short moment of reluctance. — "I'm sorry, it won't happen again."
Jisung didn't spare one last ironic glance before finally lowering his guard: — "I'm sorry, too. For whatever bad I've done for you."
"Now a hug," — Changbin added, but both Jade and Jisung refused and said it was already too good that way, destroying Seo's expectations. — "That's why I like the kids," — he murmured, disappointed, and turned his attention back to the pizza.
The moment, then, became conducive to peace reign and everyone could enjoy a good meal around a large table, except for Jinah, who continued sulk in her place.
"What's wrong with you?" — Jisung asked with a frown.
"You reject me too quickly," — she mumbled, folding her arms.
It took him a few seconds to go over the last lines and find out what he had done wrong, then realized that the tantrum was due to the fact that he had told Jade that, if the problem between them was jealousy, the american could stay with Jinah for herself, but it was obvious that this was a kind of irony. For a moment, Jisung had forgotten how much Choi was sensitive that day.
"I didn't reject you and I didn't say that seriously."
"It wasn't what it looked like."
"Jinah, do you really think I'd offer you to Jade if I knew she really would want you?"
"This is getting cute," — Felix murmured to Chan, who laughed softly and nodded.
"Really?" — Choi asked, her eyes looking like those of some abandoned puppy. Changbin wanted to laugh and put an end to that drama at once, for it was very clear to Chan, Jade and him that it was all a cheap staging by someone who wanted only a little more attention.
"Of course."
"Then, give me a little kiss" — Jinah pouted her red lips in Jisung's direction, who widened his eyes.
"You don't have to exaggerate, either."
"But you said..."
Han began to think about what he had done so badly to deserve it, but, as he knew from experience that every fight with Choi was lost, he deprived himself of something stubbornly in vain and kissed her for a few seconds, then hearing cries and provocations of the others.
"Now I'm happy again," — Jinah said through a smile as they parted, watching the boy's cheeks paint red.
Jisung just wished he hadn't opened such a big smile as well.
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* WEEP THE PITANGAS: again, idk where that expression came from, but basically from what i know, it means: "the name pitanga, or brazilian/surinam cherry, comes from pyrang, which, in tupi — language used by the ancient indian tribes here in brazil —, means red. therefore, the expression refers to someone who cried a lot, until the eye turned red. from its origins, this expression has the meaning of "complaining", "whining". i googled to see if there was a similar english expression and found some, but i don't think any other expression would fit that well sjskjs because that's the fun of brazilian slang and expressions, they're funnier when translated in a literal sense, even if you don't understand the meaning at all, yanno? in addition, it's also good to learn new expressions and slang from time to time, even if they are from a different language
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johnhaos · 5 years
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mot:7 album breakdown!!! give me all your long rambles and thoughts/rankings bro!!
hhh ok this is super late i’m so sorry so this is going to be a few initial thoughts that i /did/ note down but then mostly how i feel about the songs after ~a week i guess (also some of this is probably similar to stuff you said sorryyy, it just took me f o r e v e r to put my thoughts somewhere other than a computer file oops)
going to skip the songs from persona but wow am i mad they sacrificed mikrokosmos and home for make it right :/
anyway!! thoughts on the songs below the cut!!
interlude: shadow - sigh i do this every time but i wish i’d noted down some thoughts on this (& black swan and ego) when they first came out because now i don’t know what to say rip, i love the instumentals at the start of this wow and then yoongi’s voice !!!! the lyrics on this are just a lot emotionally gosh, and it’s a lot of stuff that we’d heard yoongi talk about before, i’m thinking especially of his poem in that run episode, but it still hits hard. G O D and then when the beat gets heavier (is that the right word) and his flow completely changes - i remember just staring at the screen when the mv came out oh my life
black swan - i really liked this when it came out, it was so different and hauntingly beautiful. i didn’t have the same instant love for it as i did for boy with luv but i really love it now, i think seeing that first stage of it on james corden really helped tbh because WOW. hobi’s verse into yoongi’s is such a GOOD part of this song i love it. you can tell how personal the lyrics are to them but at the same time it’s so relatable ;;;; i think that can apply to lyrics in a lot of their songs tbh and it’s one of the things i really love about them, that their music can be an outlet for their own thoughts/experiences/feelings while also calling out to the fans and /their/ thoughts/experiences/feelings
filter - killed me from the first listen oml, my mind immediately trying to imagine what kind of choreo this could have hahahh it’s fine. i adore the warm comfort of serendipity and promise but i also LOVE how different this is. jimin’s voice is just beautiful and he sounds gorgeous in his higher range but OH MY GOD those moments when his voice just goes so much deeper - the ‘yeah’ at ~2:09 Gand the 'ay’ near the end GOODBYE
my time - again so different from jk’s previous solo stuff, i love the way they’re exploring different sounds on this album. his vocals sound so beautiful on this track. i love the change in lyrics in the final chorus from 'i can’t’ to 'will you’, the song is so emotional the whole way though but i like that shift into a more hopeful/optimistic view ;;; and ahhh the vocalising at the end YES JK
louder than b/mbs - AHHH we really got a bts/troye sivan collab i’m so happy about this and oml the track is beautiful not that i’d expect anything less from that combo wow. i really love the way the vocal lines voices sound in this song and their high notes YES. namjoon’s voice in this oh my G O D and yoongi’s verse is amazing omg. i love when the rap lines parts all follow on from each other because it really lets you see how different they are but also how damn well they work together. this was probably one of the songs that i liked most on first listen and i still really love it CHILLS
ON - ahhh i hadn’t listened to the teaser for this beforehand so i really had no idea what to expect when i started the mv but wow this goes OFF, it’s got such a powerful performance value i really cannot WAIT to see what they do with this for tour oml. the drums!!! HOBI’S VERSE YES i love it ahhh and yoongi repeating the last line of hobi’s verse at the start of his SO GOOD. and not to sound like literally everyone but JK’S BRIDGE oh my god OMG?? he really did that he sounds incredible. an amazing title track oml
ugh! - *confession time* (why do i always do this for one track every album istg) i really wasn’t sure about this one for a looong time…. i’m not really sure why tbh because the beat is great, their flows are great and i could already sense the amazing energy it would have live from the first listen but for some reason i just wasn’t feeling it. it’s grown on me a hell of lot since, not one of my faves from the album but i definitely like it a lot more now. namjoon’s verse and the start of hobi’s are probably my favourite parts. GAH the bit at the end really goes off!!!
zero o'clock - ohh this is beautiful, vocal line tracks are always gorgeous ;;;; also i am very glad that i didn’t do a listen with lyrics until a few days after it dropped, it made me sob anyway when i did but oml if i’d looked up the lyrics on release day when i still felt /awful/ after my terrible week i can’t even imagine how i’d have felt…. 'and you gonna be happy’ artists for healing indeed ;;;
inner child - the instrumentals are so beautiful and tae’s voice is so beautiful and the lyrics are so beautiful and ahhh gosh i love this and him a lot ;;;; another one that made me cry when i listened with lyrics, the 'you’re my boy’ bit always gets me
friends - MY HEART this is the cutest damn thing just them reminiscing and showing their love for each other they’re so precious ;;; i love the inclusion of tae’s 'hey jimin, oneul’ from when they were recording it’s such an adorable personal touch. and when they call each other soulmate PLS. ahhh and i love the bit at the end with the gang vocals and the clapping it’s such a good end. i can’t wait to watch them be soft af with each other on stage performing this oml
moon - the first thing i wrote about this on first listen was just 'JIN’S VOICE ahhhh’ and i stand by that!! he really does sound amazing and i love that it’s upbeat, we know jin can kill it on a ballad but hearing him do something different is so nice as well. i really love the melody for this song so much it’s so lovely and the lyrics are so sweet i love it, i love JIN ;;;
respect - i love the beat for this so much oml, the AYO SUGA pls ;;; best throwback, god i’m so unbelievably happy to have a yoongi and namjoon subunit song and they really just bounce off each other so well. and i love the bit of satoori dialogue at the end!! this is such a JAM
we are bulletproof: the eternal - my first listen notes: 'oh nooo, this is the sad emotional one isn’t it ;;;; 'yeah we have you’ pls stop i can’t deal with this’, i really did expect this to have a similar vibe to the other we are bulletproofs hhhh, should have seen this coming with it being the second to last song though rip, but wow this song is beautiful and will 100% make me cry live ;;;; i love hobi’s verse in this, there’s always something about his verses in the slow, emotional concert ending-type songs that really gets me. gosh i just love them all so much and i’m so so glad that i found them
outro: ego - sdfgfa the mood change here, they said no more tears time to BOP. as i said for shadow i really wish i’d written down thoughts about this when the mv came out sigh. but it’s just so beautifully hobi and ahh it’s been 2 years since hope world so i’ve listened to that a lot today as well and it fits so perfectly with that vibe!!!
so yeah overall i really love this album, yay!!
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