#anyway if you want to yap about d20 i am HERE pls messages are open to chat always i am simply bad at starting the convo

[thelesbianluthor]

Kristen Applebees is a mess of a character in the most realistic way.

The thing is that I understand why people got to a point where they got tired of her chaotic and careless behaviour but that's the point isn't it?

I laughed at the bits and chaos of JY so much but I understand that things can be nuanced. I can laugh at the bits while also thinking about the implications of her actions in the story.

Kristen is a mess, she is spiralling, because she is a teenager who was faced with either choosing herself and being kicked out by her family and community or forever living a comfortable lie that would have inevitably made her lose herself.

She brought back a Goddess and she found her truth in Cassandra's domain, but she is also a teenager who just went through her first breakup with the first girl she ever loved and whom she experienced the highest of high and the lowest of lows. She has a right to mess up and fail and hit dead ends. Yeah Cassandra depends on her and Kristen needs to step up and take her role seriously but at the same time, it's so fucking unfair that the weight of a divine being's entire existence falls on the shoulders of a teen girl still in high school who is trying to find herself and learning how to handle life while also still recovering from a lifetime of trauma.

Whenever I think about that scene where Kristen says that her brain feels kind of liquid and she keeps failing to hold on to stuff I feel so incredibly connected to that feeling. I struggle so much with doing things that require a prolonged effort for a long term goal. My brain fails to hold onto stuff so I genuinely don't perceive how much time has passed, time feels so blurry and I inevitably end up failing at things I should be focusing on because my mind latches onto other things.

I relate a lot to Kristen on her struggles with commitment when it comes to important things and her latching onto fun and excitement that inevitably causes her to lose track of what matters.

The thing is that Kristen relied a lot on Tracker and how stable her presence was in her life. Tracker kept her anchored while also giving her a way to channel her energy and attention so I am not surprised that when they broke up Kristen lost most of her drive towards establishing her religion. It's not Tracker's fault of course and it is something that Kristen had to learn so JY Kristen was an inevitability