#anyway if you send me a long ass youtube video im just not watching it. sorry fam

[vynive]

people will be like "hey linking you a little thing that I thought was interesting" and then send you an hour and 46 minute long video essay

[austronauts]

i am returning with yet another brainrot episode [dodges booing and tomatoes being thrown] of me annotating mitch youtube content.

this podcast episode with connor was ADORABLE and revealed a side of him that we rarely ever see otherwise SO...it has made my mitch hyperfixation at LEAST 5x worse. I say this so i can warn you to listen at your own peril (i say listen rather than watch bc mitch is like..in 240p the whole time and at certain points looks SO BLURRY he looks like an impressionist painting of a twink. how very renoir of him tbh). 

I also recognize this video is long af (honestly i didnt know mitch knew this many words....very impressed) so i’m time-stamping every part that im annotating...... also this post got so long so i’m sorry. i KNOW i always say this but it’s bc im genuinely always surprised by my own verbose ass.,.,,,,.,,,,.,.,,,,, WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY IM JUST LIKE MITCH FR I NEED TO STOP YAPPING (morgan rielly voice: “just never shuts up”) 

1:35: mitch apparently loves oysters? honestly adding this only because it’s so cute when his face scrunches up and he throws his head back to laugh at 2:12 (also why is connor’s water glass so dirty what is HAPPENING)

3:21: mitch marner, self-proclaimed coffee aficionado and BEST coffee maker on the leafs, does not know what a chemex is. the look of blank confusion. i know what you are. a fraud who would rather be drinking capri suns and chocolate milk.

3:45: ok now we understand WHY mitch is always wearing a redbull hat (when he’s not wearing his recent assortment of ridiculous hat acquisitions like that powder blue hat with the HUGE BRIM or the orange prada bucket hat) - redbull just sends mitch HATS ON HATS ON HATS that he’s not even allowed to share as part of his agreement. i am now, in fact, asking redbull to send him EVEN MORE HATS so he’s less tempted to wear those hats he’s been wearing this off-season. redbull should just absolutely bury him in hats until he is no longer even visible. he’s not that big so it really shouldn’t take that many hats!!! that’s what i call a hat trick. that’s what i call cap space [booing from audience intensifies]

6:25: WHY is a CONNOR CARRICK MITCH MARNER PODCAST HOW I FIND OUT THAT PK SUBBAN AND LINDSEY VONN WERE ENGAGED?!?!! WHAT IN THE SPORTS ROYALTY?

7:14: just connor gassing mitch up and then chirping him for looking like a newborn foal when he entered the league (mitch then chirps himself for what he looked like with his shirt off lmao - it always surprises me how self-aware he seems to be and how comfortable he seems to be with himself? genuinely endearing tbh)

9:34: mitch talking about how formative visiting the children’s hospital in london (with christian dvorak) 1-2x a week was for him and the “legacy” he wants to build as a hockey player. like. as a cynical human i understand that this podcast is meant to be a fluff piece that’s beneficial for mitch’s reputation/brand, but as a human human i cannot help but be touched by how sincere mitch is about this. and more importantly, he’s shown it with his actions re: the genuine friendship he had with hayden, who mitch met during these hospital visits. 

11:54: hearing about mitch’s contract issues from mitch’s POV is pretty interesting, and i believe this is the most extensively he’s ever spoken about it? it makes so much sense that mitch’s biggest priority was not wanting to miss training camp and pre-season. and that he had ZERO intention of leaving the leafs. im forever genuinely flabbergasted by that contingent of leafs fans who thinks mitch was the one in the room negotiating with kyle/the leafs and playing games to squeeze every last dollar out of them? like DO THEY KNOW MITCH? THE TWITCH STREAMER? my. brother in christ, this guy does not even know what an encyclopedia is. my brother in christ, this guy called his finnish teammate “finlish.”  ANYWAY, he talks pretty openly about the impact the contract negotiations and pressure had on him mentally

17:40: connor: what is your favorite part of being a toronto maple leaf? mitch: my friends 🥺

19:54: mitch talking about how he just likes to check in “on his guys” and connor pointing out that whenever he gets an assist or a goal in a game, he still gets texts from mitch. WHICH IS. SO SWEET. as someone who is absolutely fucking terrible at keeping in touch with people i am JUST. SORRY TO BE A SAP BUT THATS SO SWEET OF HIM? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! IM GOING TO EAT HIM!!!!!!

20:30: THIS IS THE BEST PART LOWKEY - THE NIKE SHOES STORY DODOHFODHOSHSODASODHFAIDHFLWJEFKDLJKSAS. IF U WATCH NOTHING ELSE PLEASE WATCH THIS. THE DAY CONNOR GOT MOVED FROM THE LEAFS AND WAS SAD MITCH JUST SHOWED UP WITH A GIANT PILE OF SHOES TO GIVE CONNOR AND CONNOR HAD TO BE LIKE “MITCH? I AM MOVING? I CANNOT TAKE ALL THESE SHOES???” THIS IS THE MOST MITCH MARNER STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD I CANNOT LIKE IVE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT IF I READ IT IN A FIC I WOULDVE BEEN LIKE “LMAOOO THIS AUTHOR NAILED MY HEADCANON OF MITCH BUT IRL MITCH WOULD NEVER DO THAT” BUT NO! HE DOES! HE HAS! the fairy godmother only gave cinderella one pair of glass slippers but mitch marner will show up at your doorstep with 10+ pairs of emotional support nikes that he’s been trying to give you for MONTHS because he loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

24:45: Mitch talking about how the award he’d want to win the most is the Selke - and given how great Mitch has been this past season offensively AND defensively AND on the PP AND on the PK??? give minch the selke send tweet. 

28:30: when Mitch was drafted by London he was 5′6″ and 125lbs DLKDLKSJA HE WAS fucking TEENSY! please! i 100% could have carried him around in a fanny pack with my wallet and keys and a granola bar and the 3-4 random crumpled receipts from walgreens

30:16: “whenever people ask me what it was like playing with mitchy, i always tell them he has the ability to rubiks’ cube the game.” i LOVE This and i will be using this expression from now on, even though i have never solved a rubik’s cube and never will!

46:20: I would say this is the 2nd really meaty part of this podcast? It’s where Connor and Mitch talk about Mitch’s draft day experience. When Mitch talks about how NERVOUS he was when Toronto went up to draft their 4th pick i started laughing because if you watch the 2015 draft video you can SEE JUST HOW PETRIFIED AND TERRIFIED AND CLOSE TO SHITTING HIMSELF THEN THROWING UP THEN FAINTING AND DISINTEGRATING INTO A PILE OF DRIED UP LEAVES MITCH LOOKS LMAO. like that boy was on the brink of death. also, really interesting details behind Phoenix Coyotes drafting Dylan at third right before Mitch here!

51:47: The 3rd meaty (auston-y :---))))) ) part of this podcast: Mitch talking about THE BABCOCK INCIDENT where babcock made mitch grade his teammates on work ethic. Mitch talks about it with a lot of levity and positivity tbh but hearing mitch even joke and laugh about it makes me sad because it clearly was a really awful experience for him to go through as a rookie. knowing how close mitch was and is to those 3 guys at the bottom - tyler bozak, naz, JVR (his recent italian escapade buddy) - is definitely comforting tho. BOOING BABCOCK FOREVER FOR THIS TBH. like WHAT were you aiming to get out of this and why the hell would you ever put a ROOKIE in this impossible situation?

55:46: THE FINAL MEATY PART OF THIS PODCAST: THE MATT MARTIN SECTION. honestlyyyyY. just watch this part from beginning to end pls because mitch clearly loves and treasures matt SO much and there’s SO much here that will make you want to gnaw gnaw gnaw chew chew chew scream ferally and SUE connor carrick for your upper body injury (heart hurts)... but anyway, a few highlights: 

Mitch calling Marty a protector, a big brother, and “how big of a mentor he was to me” - i WILL CRY!!!!!!! I WILL!!!!! THATS MY FAVE LEAFS SHIP RIGHT THERE 

“He was all for me shooting a puck off his leg or his ass.”  every other time Mitch opens his mouth he says something that makes me go “wait ..what did he say?” and have to re-listen. this is one of those moments

the FUNNIEST story about how connor and matt almost fought when they played for different teams because matt found connor so annoying. i won’t spoil the details but i - i def cackled out loud

“you just felt 2 feet taller with matt around” 🥺🥺🥺 ok that’s fine tHATS FINE 

OH GOD. THE worst part: Mitch talks about how Matt and Syd would always invite him over and make sure Mitch never felt alone his rookie year, and how this experience of feeling included and loved by Matt shaped the kind of teammate/friend Mitch tries to be aka making sure his home and heart are always open to his teammates. I....I’M. Y’ALL. HOLD MY HAND AND STAY WITH ME BECAUSE LIKE - think about the way bogo (esp when his family was away during covid) and justin lived with mitch and how the leafs all clearly love mitch so much and how mitch says he always tries to be the positive energy guy for his team AND I JUST .  LETHAL PSYCHIC DAMAGE SUFFERED FROM THIS PART OF THE PODCAST TBH BRAIN JUST LEAKIN OUT THROUGH MY EARHOLES AS I CRAWL INTO A CORNER. Matt Martin drop your location right now and square up because i will fight you right now for what you’ve done. how DARE you and mitch marner, 2 rich white men i absolutely do not know, make me want to be a better kinder person....i...pretend i do not see it...i pretend i do not feel it.

1:02:58: Yes this podcast is over an hour long and i watched all of it ahahahah1!! haHA! anyway, mitch thanking the frontline workers - very sincere and endearing and mitch-y (aka causing little brain blips of complete confusion - like why did he call the UPS... “ups”? is this a canadian thing? also him thanking the WIFI PEOPLE FJDLKDJLDDSDSSDAKJLDDFLFJFKJLDSJLDKFAJL lmfaofjldjDDKS lmfaofofoofofOFOFO okay)

But seriously the entire podcast is extremely endearing and it’s still the off-season so please do watch the whole thing if you have a chance! then come yell with me about it u know i love to yell 

[eatsleepmemerepeat]

My Dad’s Funny Reaction to Finding out Harry sang Medicine Again (With my dad not there to hear it):

To anyone new to my blog, my dad is in his 60s and is a big ass drama queen. This is long but worth the read in my opinion.

This is a true story. I should have recorded the call but I was half asleep and wasn’t even sure if it was real at first or a dream. I’m cracking up just writing this.

So I get a call very early this morning that wakes me up out of a dead sleep. It’s my dad and he’s cursing and his voice is raised. It takes me a second to figure out what the heck he is blabbing on about. Based on the tone of his voice it sounds like someone took a baseball bat to his car Carrie Underwood style or one of my siblings needs to be bailed out of jail or something because he is super worked up. I’m thinking it must be something really bad. Finally, I’m awake enough to comprehend what he is saying and here is what his dramatic ass said:

Dad: I am pissed at the m*therf*cker! I cannot believe him! I cannot believe he did it again! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?

Me: What?! Who? I am asleep, why are you calling this early?

Him: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I AM SO MAD HE SANG IT AGAIN!

Me: Oh, are you talking about Harry?

Dad: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE SANG F*CKING MEDICINE AGAIN! WHY THE F*CK DIDN’T HE SING IT AT THE SAN DIEGO SHOW?!

Me: Are you sure he sang it? I went to bed last night and didn’t see anything online about it. I know he sang it the other night though.

Dad: IT WAS THE FIRST THING I GOOGLED THIS MORNING! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU HAVE ME GOOGLING “DID HARRY STYLES SING MEDICINE LAST NIGHT?”

I don’t have this man googling anything! He did that all on his own! He is the one calling at the ass crack of dawn to tell me what Harry sang last night.

Me: You actually googled it?

Dad: YEAH! I HAD TO KNOW! I SAW AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT AND I LOST IT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?

Me: Huh, I’ll have to look.

Dad: I’M TELLING YOU! I LOOKED IT UP AS SOON AS I WOKE UP! AND NOW IM PISSED! I HAVE BEEN HEARING ABOUT THIS GUY EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR TWO YEARS AND HE DOESN’T SING MEDICINE THE NIGHT I GO TO HIS CONCERT!? He sings it BOTH NIGHTS IN LA though! We could have just gone to the LA show instead! He knows we want to hear it! Why doesn’t he just sing it every show! Come on man! I’m pissed! HE IS ON MY SHIT LIST NOW! I WORE A SHIRT THAT SAID MEDICINE AND A GIANT TACO ON MY HEAD BUT HE DOESN’T SING IT FOR ME?! EVEN AFTER I YELLED IT! I am not happy.

I am not even exaggerating he was yelling on the phone. He is dramatic and raises his voice a lot anyway but it’s usually about work.

Me: *holding back laughter* I’m sorry that you are disappointed, Dad. Trust me I am too, I have been waiting to hear that song in person since I heard on video in 2018. One of my friends recorded it though so we can still hear it and there are videos of it we can watch on YouTube. I am hoping he puts it on the next album.

Dad: *voice still raised* DO YOU HAVE HIS EMAIL ADDRESS?! I WANT TO SEND HIM AN EMAIL. I WANT TO TELL HIM THAT I AM A DAD AND I AM UPSET.

My dad is a Karen apparently

Me: No, I don’t have Harry Styles’ personal email address and you aren’t sending Harry hate mail for not singing Medicine. You are just going to have to get over it like the rest of us.

Dad: *Huffing and puffing dramatically* I just can’t believe him! Who does that?! If he’s not gonna release it, he at least needs to sing it! How much are the tickets to the next LA show? I deserve to hear it.

Me: You seriously want to try to get tickets last minute? The show is sold out but I’m sure we could find some resale ones for about $500 each.

Dad: Never mind, Mr. Harry probably won’t sing it again just because I’m there! He is gonna see me and not sing it out of SPITE!

Me: I don’t think he even knows who you are. But yeah, that would be a bummer if we went again and he didn’t sing it again.

Dad: GOD MAN. D*MN IT WT*! I wonder why he sang it yesterday and the night before but not in San Diego?

Me: He has only sang it in LA and New York this year. Plus at the LA show, the whole crowd was chanting it. We couldn’t get a chant going at our show.

My dad: THAT’S DISCRIMINATION! I FEEL DISCRIMINATED AGAINST! I’M A DAD! YOU SAID HE LIKED DADS!

Me: That’s not discrimination. I’ll send you the video. Now can I please go back to sleep.

Dad: Send me the video. Go back to sleep. BUT NO DREAMS ABOUT HARRY UNLESS THEY ARE OF HIM SINGING MEDICINE WITH ME THERE.

Me: Okay, got it. Talk to you later. Love you.

Dad: Okay. *Him huffing and puffing and complaining under his breath -I waited two years for this man to sing Medicine. I know everything about this guy. I even know about the fricken bears and he does this TO ME, AGAIN. That f*- *I hang up the phone*

My dad has called me 4 times today and texted me 3 times today and 6 times yesterday about this. He just started listening to Harry recently. He always gives me crap about being obsessed with Harry. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I am proud, but also slightly concerned😂

[thesquareinthecircularhole]

hey stupid, i love you [MCYT: Dream x GN!Reader]

song: hey stupid I love you by jp saxe

warnings: fluff

im pretty sure i made this an gender neutral as possible but if there is an error lmk thanks bby :*

im in a simpin mood bby

as always, song lyrics in italics

i skipped a couple versus due to repetitiveness oops

this is the one i complained about losing, but it actually worked out bc i like this one better...less wordy

word count: ~2k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing's wrong, and it's not what I'm used to Oh, does it surprise you too? When it's simple, is it easier than it should be?

"Hey babe, are you okay? You've been quiet today," Dream practically pouted as he asked you. He loved the sound of your voice and while you definitely weren't giving him the quiet treatment, you sure weren't as talkative as you normally are.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just distracted thinking my thoughts." You smiled at him and leaned against him. He looked down at you and pecked your lips. You gave him a sweet kiss back. The smile he gave you made your heart boom. Loving him was as easy as eating a cake (because the usually analogy 'baking a cake' isn't true, its sometimes hard to bake a cake, especially when a hungry streamer keeps trying to eat the batter or start a flour fight).

"Anyway, don't you have a stream with the Dream Team to get ready for? One that starts in," you look at the clock on your phone, "three minutes ago?" The slight panic that crosses Dream's face makes you laugh loud. He gives you another kiss and in less than five seconds has practically launched himself across the house into his recording room. Your laughter follows him the whole way, a smile and blush upon his face.

Nothing's wrong, but when you're not in my arms I send voice notes, you send hearts And get quiet, and I know that means you miss me

Okay, granted, you were the one to remind him that he was streaming with his friends today and speedrunning, but you didn't expect it to last well over five hours. At the beginning you worked on your classwork for your [college degree of choice]. You got it done quickly, as it was nearing the end of the semester and most professors of yours were laidback and wanted you to study more than write nonsense papers (fictional you, i'm so jealous). Occasionally you would jump in fear when you heard Dream shout, still not used to it after years.

After finishing your classwork, you started cooking dinner. Soup was the vibe for the evening, and you had found a wonderful chicken and dumplings recipe a while ago that you wanted to try. You did have to go to the store for some of the ingredients, but luckily it only took you an hour. You can back and he was still streaming. It took about another hour for dinner to be done. You let it cool and prepared yourself a bowl. You set your laptop up and started watching Dream's stream. Hearing his voice made you miss him, so you pulled out your phone.

Going to the two of y'alls messages, you started making him a voice message.

"Hey baby, I made dinner, so don't play so long it gets cold. I love you! Kick the enderdragon's ass baby! Mwah."

You continued watching him stream, and he took a pause for a minute, his screen not moving from the create a new world screen and his mic muted. A couple seconds later you got spammed with every heart offered in the emoji index times what felt like a thousand.

He continued being quiet for a couple seconds, although he did unmute and continue playing, answering George's and Sapnap's questions of where he went with, "I had to take a message."

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Chat sometimes upset you. Sure, you got Dream, all of him, but sometimes the comments made by some of the more obsessives fans were a bit to much.

'With the way he killed those mobs you know he's got good fingers'

'His voice is hot so he must be'

'Heyo dream baby lemme see them feet'

Okay the last one was more weird, and actually turned out to be a joke from Quackity but anyway moving on.

He was your guy, and he promised himself to you, but sometimes he seemed to have a genuine connection with some of the sweeter and not gross ones. It made you scared that someone, one day, will swoop him off his feet with a comment and he’d leave you for them. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes, get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

The stream ended a little under an hour later. Dream left his recording room, grabbed a bowl of soup, and found you in the living room, lost in thought. He plopped down right next to you. 

“Talk to me baby.”

“About what?”

“Anything and everything.”

“Okay.” You’re quiet for a bit, despite his offering of listening. He knew you were gonna take him up on the offer, you just needed a bit of time, so he was going to wait patiently. He finished his soup quickly, he was much hungrier than he thought. He put the bowl on the coffee table and before he was all the way leaned back on the couch, you were leaning against him. His arms wrapped around you, your head was tucked in between his head and shoulder, and a blanket covered the both of you. You looked towards the blank tv screen but felt his eyes on you.

“I love you a lot. And I know you love me too, but I’m afraid I’m not enough. You have so many options, especially with your popularity online. I don’t know what I’d do if you left me, whether it be for someone else or just because you’re tired of me.” Dream waits for you to stop entirely, with you breathing heavily.

“Well, you’re right about one thing. I do love you, a lot. The rest of it is wrong and I’ll spend the rest of time telling you so.” Dream says, pressing several kisses against your forehead. 

“Yeah I know it’s stupid to feel this way, but my anxiety gets the best of me. It’s stupid, I’m stupid.”

“First of all, you’re not stupid. Second, hey stupid, I love you.”

Nothing's wrong, I just get in my head too Can you reassure me you, you're still in it? I just wish you could lean in and kiss me

As much as Dream loved you and reassured you, sometimes he would get caught up in his thoughts too. The life of a streamer/youtuber, especially one with as much fame and subscribers as him, was rough. The constant need to feed his fans with entertainment and content, and the need for the content to satisfy his fans was stressful. He hates to admit it, but he some days he spent to much time working and not enough with you. He thinks you would be so much happier with someone without a tight schedule and without a large, intense fanbase. Any random person on the street would be better for you than him, he thinks. 

When he gets into this headspace, the only thing that grounds him is your lips on his. When you kiss him, the clouds go away and all he can see is your eyes, as bright as the sun, and your smile, which can tempt even the purest. 

Say nothing's wrong, tell me to settle down You do it better than I've ever known how Won't pull some tricks for attention But could I get a little now?

Now, everyone knows that Dream likes some attention. He especially likes attention from you. Good thing is you also like attention, especially from him. The not so good thing is both of y’all get distracted so bad, it’s almost too funny.

He tends to get your attention by tickling you, whether it be in the comfort of your home or in public. One day, when you guys were walking through town, you stopped at a flower booth and got to talking with the friendly and flirty florist gentleman. It had been a couple minutes, and Dream was really needing some love, but you continued chatting with the florist who was definitely going to ask for your number but you genuinely thought he was just being nice. Dream crept up behind you and placed his hands on your side. You froze for a moment and looked at him, confused. The smirk that crossed his face barely gave you a second to prepare as he tickled your sides. Your laughter filled the street as you turned around as he tickled you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, which got him to stop ticking you, and gave him a kiss. The two of you continued on your way, attached at the hip.

And one day, when you wanted his attention, it was after he was done recording a manhunt with his friends. The actual video had been done for a bit, but they were just fucking around in the minecraft world and talking to each other. You had had a not so nice day, and wanted the crushing weight of your boyfriend on top of you. You crept into his recording room and came to stand right behind his chair. Based on the conversation you could tell he wasn’t recording anymore, so you knew it was safe. Your hands started in his hair, trailed down to his face, and slid down his body till your arms were wrapped around him snuggly. Your head was placed on top of his. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, and received no response. Instead, you began aggressively shaking him and the chair, turning it this way and that, making him slightly dizzy. His laughter filled the room, and he quickly ended the call. The two of you spent the next 12 hours cuddled in bed, leaving only for the necessities. 

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Dream got jealous as well sometimes. You were beautiful and a lot of the time attracted the attention of random passerbyers. Those people, who you don’t even know, who lived normal lives where they didn’t have to spend every second worried that their face will be revealed to the public and suddenly all their fans from around the world will know what they look like or the general area in which they live, who don’t have to obey algorithms and bend to the will of the masses to make sure they get paid enough to live, who could give you a normal and safe life. Every time one looked at you with some attraction, he pulled you a bit closer and kissed you a bit harder. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes or get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

Sometimes, Dream needed to rant. A long, hard, intense, rant. Sometimes it was about how someone accused him of cheating his speedruns. Sometimes it was about how someone said something nasty to him or one of his friends. Sometimes it was about a comment someone made about him or you that got on his nerves. When he needed to talk, you sat there and you listened. You did whatever he needed to get better, whether it was just listen or talk to find solutions. You did it because you know he would do the same for you. And afterwards, a cuddle session was a must. 

How could you forget? I told you seventeen times before 7 AM I love you How could you forget? I told you seventeen times

The morning after rough days were one of the bests. Arms tangled together, legs tangled together, everything tangled together, no one able to tell where one started and the other ended. Lazy kisses pressed to faces, hands, necks, any part of skin the lips could touch. One particular morning you woke up earlier than he did. A quick kiss against his cheek woke him up, and he gave you the most love filled smile any man could do.

“Hey stupid,” you said, “I love you.”

[alexiaugustin]

good morning mutuals and everyone else on tumblr who is cool and made my year! this is gonna be my mutuals appreciation post 2020 because if anything good happened this year then it's getting to know all of you guys so there's that. i love you all so so sooo much and always love to see y'all and your gif sets / memes / crack posts /rants / edits and so on and so forth on my dash. you made this year beautiful and i just wanna thank u for that!💘💘 (also im sorry if the picture above activates anyone's fight response i just thought that it would fit if i went back to where it all started)

@engelkeijsers mare my love i don't even have words to describe how much i love you and am happy to have you in my life. i consider you one of my closest friends by now and that's why i always message you whenever exciting shit happens in my life (or whenever shit goes down that ofc depends����). our phone calls were so fucking funny and i loved talking to you sooo much i can't wait to meet you in real life one day!!💖 please feel hugged you're such a beautiful human.

@dreamaur ann my beloved mutual i love you from the bottom of my heart and just wanna thank you for being the cute bitch that u are who always remembers our mutuals anniversary like....🥺🥺 i just love that we always watch and read and stan the same things like what kind of soulmutuals behavior is this?. can't wait for s&b to air so we can always freak out about kaz and inej and everyone else together. i'm kissing your cheek and wish you the absolute best for 2021 because u deserve the best😽

@sotorubio silja i love you and your blog so much you just have such a galaxy brain and you're so eloquent and your blog is one of the few that i check on regularly because i don't wanna miss a single post you make. here's a fun fact before i properly got to know you i thought that you were sooo intimating i don't even know why and then we started talking at some point and i was like "hold on a second they are SO lovely and warm actually and not intimating at all hdhdh" as you might have figured out by now i always love talking to you about skames or rant about 13rw and everything else. i just love u!!!🧡

@helmtaryn aurore you are probably the first person who ever started talking to me on here and so it all began and we always talked abt skam france before s6 started and during and you're just such a wonderful person!! thank you for always being there for me and helping me with my french homework i truly cannot thank you enough for that because you're constantly saving my ass jdhd. you're just so fun to talk to and such a talented gif maker like... for real your gif sets always knock me out and you're always so original in what you gif🥺❣

@geminibf i know i've told you that before but your blog is my comfort blog on here literally just seeing your posts on my dash always makes my day and you're one of the most beautiful ppl i've ever known like how do you even manage to do that🥺💘 plus you're sooo talented at this point im convinced that there's absolutely nothing that you cannot do so yeah i have no idea where this sentence is going but i guess what im trying to tell u is that i love u and im so happy to be ur friend

@alterlovex niiiii❣❣❣ you're not even like a tumblr mutual you're like my tumblr sister (figure out what the hell this is supposed to mean jdjd) and you were one of the first people who hyped my stupid posts up and it always made me go 🥺😭. i started following you despite the fact that u had a wtfock icon (honorary) and i absolutely never regretted it. you're so beautiful and warm and so is your blog and i will try to talk more to u again in 2021. im virtually sending you so many flowers🌷🌻🌸💐

@jorgecrespo you're just the coolest bitch alive. i followed you for your skam rankings and stayed for your whole entire personality. every post you make truly just slaps, you never miss, and i relate to you so much jdjd. the way you answer anon messages will forever be my favorite thing about your blog and just the way you talk in general like without even seeing your url i always know when it's you who wrote a post. i love you❕❕💖

@jusdekiwi you and aurore are the reason why french people deserve rights, you are such a lovely and genuine person and i absolutely love you and your chill vibes on your blog. also thank you for helping me out with my french homework thingy once like. thank you so so much for being so lovely and taking your time julia!🌻

@suburbanenigma carmen i love you and all of your posts and just the vibes on your blog!!! also omfg your riverdale side blog always makes me laugh soo much i truly cannot wait for s5 to air so we can make fun of it together because i will live blog the shit out of it too!! you're just one of the coolest bitches ever i don't know how else to say it. i love you and cant wait to talk to you more next year. you're such a blessing for this hellsite🦋✨

@sundaymorninghangover julian you are one of my oldest friends on here and i've loved you ever since i found your blog and figured out that u were a part of the having taste club (skames fandom) too!! you're so chill!!! i love your brain!! i love your posts!!! and most importantly i love you. please keep on blessing my dash with your cool posts because they are definitely appreciated and loved in this house. also i miss your frog icon (please don't hit me in case it wasn't a frog) it just spoke volumes about your vibes but i love ur new one too!! still associate the purple heart with you so here it is 💜💜

@lesbeanfatou clara you simply are an angel. you used to have a nora grace icon and i went: that's it, she's the one, she has taste im gonna follow!! and look it was one of the best decisions ever. you're my favorite chaotic n cool mosquito hater and i just love you so much and you made my year beautiful!! thank you for always listening to me when i came into your inbox to have a break down (positive or negative) over the we feel in love in october girl and thank you for teaching me how make edits!!!💐💘

@aoixe you're one of my favorite skamfr hate blogs and certain men hate blogs (if u know u know) i always love talking and ranting with you and am so glad that we're sometimes just dming!! you're vibes are so cool a d you seem like such a chill person i love you and wish you all the best for 2021!!❣❣

@fatoudixon ana i love you and your blog so so much and especially your druck reaction videos on youtube!! you seem like such a genuine and beautiful person and even though we're not talking much please just know that im always happy to see you on my dash. happy new year to you!!💘💘

@cash-queens sam🥺 you're so sweet and kind this hell site truly doesn't even deserve you but we all love that you're here anyway!! i would protect you with my life and i hope that we will get to talk more in 2021 because you're such a lovely person and for now im just gonna wish u a happy new year✨

@avaceleste sophiaaa💌 you've been here ever since the very beginning of skamfr season 6 and i always love talking to you and long live our eliola jokes, you were probably the person i started this cult with so here is our eliola emoji starterpack one more time in 2020 💏🌧🎬

@hashtag-ohboy-nicetry i have no idea whose side blog this was but the url alone made my entire year🤭🤞

@ random love anon❤ i love you and hope that 2021 will be a good year for you because you absolutely deserve it!!! wishing u nothing but the best i always love to see you around!💐💘

all the other amazing blogs i love and am always happy to see on my dash (doesn't matter if we're mutuals or not)

@floraflorenzi / @bi-kieu-my / @gumptin / @thegirlnooneknows5 / @littleweirdoss / @sohereisthisasshole / @noramachwtz / @nori-in-pink / @ayellowcurtain / @mailinrichter / @ijzermanora / @fudgetunblr / @lesbianfatous / @norgestan / @cfgc / @avaspereira / @theflowerisblue / @smblmn / @jon-astronaut / @amiraamore / @parelmoer / @stqrz 💘❣💐🦋💌🌸

i wish all of you a very happy new year and thank you for all of your gifs, posts, translations, fanfics & edits you all truly make this place beautiful❕💘

[sword-of-summer]

All of them answer every question fuck you

ahahaha no i respectfully deny your "fuck you" and i accept the ask and so-

i am 5'10", and i don't wish to be taller or shorter- i am the perfect height for hugs and messy hair, and yep, i like it here-

dream pet would be a mix of golden retriver and a husky called Holly and a chonky cat called Loki- yes ofcourse my future kids have names everyone should name their future pets-

ripped jeans/black pants with a Darth Vader tshirt or a Ethnic Fusion Kurta with black sneakers/artificial leather slip-ons, and if it's cold, a black jacket open obviously- and a black wristwatch i love my black wristwatch.

favourite video game was Clash of Clans and going even back, GTA Vice City and, the og- MARIIOOOO

three things/people are Oreos, Nutella and Pizza. The Holy Trinity-

"Beware me my fingers are smeared with chicken popcorn grease"

you didn't mention an opinion, @chunkybirb, so imma give my opinion on Vanilla ice cream and Nutella- ANYONE WHO HADN'T COMBINED THESE TWO COMBINE THESE TWO THEY ARE FUCKING AWESOME

im either phlegmatic or melancholic bruh idk maybe ik or maybe not

im v v v v ticklish

not an allergy, but an intense hatred for ketchup- i vomit if it gets too close to me fuck you ketchup

im heterosexual

any between tea and coffee but full milk coffee (ik, kill me), never had cocoa- but i love a chocolate or nutella milkshake

both. both is good. (cat and dog)

i would be an elf cause hell yeah, knowledge and wisdom

favourite youtuber is Samay Raina, a stand up comedian turned youtuber who is just awesome-

as i mentioned in 1., i am 5'10"

i would not change my name cause it's the coolest fucking name ever, i am Tanay, and Tanay in Hindi means Son, and my parents literally named their son Son, and hell yeah i like it

i forgot how much i weigh- last i checked it was 75 kilos, but ive gained weight since 2019 so yep, gotta walk in the mornings

yes i believe in metaphysicality cause one- it seems cool- second- me and @theclassyghost discussed a metaphysical life theory that i really really like and metaphysicality gives preservation of knowledge so i believe in spirits

SPACE. SPACE. SPACE.

im not that religious, no

pet peeves no well nah not really

nocturnal def nocturnal i sleep at 4.50 anyway hehehehe

fav constellation is Cassiopeia

fav star is Sirius tho

what the fuck are ball jointed dolls

i do have a fear of losing people that's just anxiety i guess

yep, global warming is real

never thought that much about reincarnation tbh but maybe, i do

fav movie is Spider Man : Into The SpiderVerse and Inception and The Dark Knight Rises and Revenge of The Sith and yes, for my indian gang, 3 Idiots and Gully Boy

yep i get scared v v v easily

i have had no pets but i plan to once i grow up

@chunkybirb 's blog is fucking cool awesome and *chef's kiss* a masterpiece

blue calms me. i love blue.

live in Norway cause pretty lights, snow, and less people than this overpopulated country i am in

born in Mumbai, India

v v v dark brown like it's almost black but no it's dark brown

introvert

horoscopes and zodiacs, i do read them, never believed that much tbh-

HUGS I LOVE HUGS

i really wanna visit my brother i haven't met him in a long time i really wanna play cricket w him just like old times

my sister- she's annoying but well i care for her

nah

tattoos idk bruh im okay idk may get one or may not get one

nope, smoking is ewwww *vomits*

ah my crush- she's cool [ if she exists

when the chalk doesn't write on the board but goes iiiiiieeee I HATE THAT

a sound i love is rain pitter pattering i just hhhhhh sends me into happiness

nope fatass here

nope fatass here

favourite actors have to be eddie redmayne, oscar issac and pedro pascal- and margot robbie and winona ryder in the actresses section also yes, elliot page

bruh already answered in 30.

im okayish!! spotify and tumblr, cool combo-

my hair are okay being black for me

yesterday, monday, from 6.40 to 6.50

music

uhhh naah not that i know of

well in Rick Riordan's Magnus Chase books, the sword of Frey aka Sumarbrander TALKS and demands to be called Jack, so here i am

bakwaas, music and comfy

yep, i believe in evolution

unfollow on hate and when they dm me sending nsfw pics ugh why are people like that

follow, well, i like people and they seem cool, so i follow them

fav kind of person is the one who'll sit with me for hours not even talking and just vibing to music

fav animals are beavers, doggos and cats

three fav blogs are @chunkybirb, @theclassyghost, @little-boats-on-a-lake, @aredhel-of-gondolin, @sue-me-imbadass, @alleenkaas, @my-ackerman, @brrrrrrrrrrzone

fav emoticon has to be ☹ this me seeing my stupidity outrank others

fav meme has to be Butternut is a master of psychological manipulation

INTP

Libraaa let's go

no dog, i have

black darth vader tshirt, black pants, black sneakers and black wrist watch

i have no selfies my phone has no cameras i live in eternal darkness

what the fuck are platform shoes

i, uhhh, i remember weird things like what i drew in class in 3rd while i was supposed to be doing english

lazy ass here, no front flips possible

i like birds they fly

nope i don't Iike swimming i like blankets

wrapped up in blankets reading books sounds better than both

ketchup

hyperspace travel

nope none

reading writing eating sleeping

my friend

tumblr seems cool

i have around 60-70 idk

yes i can run but why

yes they do but what's the fun in that

nope I'd fall over

sapphire let's go

koala bear or panda

sunflower or the one on a lemon tree

ketchup store

one cup of coffee is enough, tysm

read minds that sounds cool cool yeaaahh

nope never wore it a black clothes guy here BatMan

winter winter all year long

i don't know and i don't wanna try

i don't know and i don't wanna know

everyone cause they are better than me

bookstores cause bookstores any bookstores

sneakers, black onez

apparently some gas bitches mixed up to form a planet

non vegetarian but i partake meat just twice or thrice in two weeks

i don't know they don't seem like liking

naaaaaaaah

bugs ew

spiders ew

about the fact that i come off as arrogant and overconfident while in reality it's just that my communication skills suck

i can draw averagely whenever im in a mood

this thing im answering but i like answering it

uhhhhhhh brain freeze- idk bruh questions are good they give knowledge

yep, while sleeping

ahh yes calming, they are

cloudy days cause fucking cool vibes

hehehe wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy

CumuloNimbus i really like it's name yknow nimBUS

dark blue, dark blue always or black

naaaah no freckles

fav thing is when they laugh and it's just happy and we're both laughing like shitheads but who cares we're rebelling against depressing life and we laugh

both. both is good [ fruits and vegetables

sleep but i have to answer 170 questions cause @chunkybirb

sky sky sky it's my blog's header duh uh sKy

sweet and sour candy. SWEET AND SOUR CANDY.

dim lights it makes me feel cool

ahhh so here we go- Mooncalfs, Thunderbirds, Phoenixes, Sphinxes, Dragons that seem to be Space Nebulae, and more and more and more

i really feel like a boomer sometimes

i love everything about this site/app it makes me feel happy cause i like the people and the posts

uhhhhh i think too much about everything cause i just do. i like thinking

"He's dead, guys. For the sake of The Force, please watch Star Wars now he wanted to discuss it with you" actually no i would just say "A big shoutout to Garlic Bread he loved Garlic Bread"

myself cause i should be sleeping but sleep is for the weak and i am the weak and the strong i am a paradox-

that i obsess too much on things and try involving people it never works out

nope. had braces for 4 years, that beat out teeth showing smiles

i prefer computer-tv ahahahahaha

never tried them, so IDK

naaaaah not motion sickness- never travelled by sea so idk seasickness

lobed ears

yep i believe that deeds do count in life and beyond

idk bruh i don't believe in physical attraction too much- bodies are fake- mentally/metaphysically tho, im a 7

ahhhhh many many Stupid Genius, Tani, Tanu, Tanya

i still do-

i really want to talk to a therapist. converse. and discover.

im both, i am both.

10:1 is the ratio- giving 10, receiving 1

uhhh nothing just when i am right and people use the old "disrespect" argument

3, Hindi, Marathi, English

girls

uhh no i am not

my hair i love them everyone says things about my hair but i love them

knowledge vibes i give, someone tells me- and that's all i ever wanted

anyone i know tbh, my mutuals, my friends, my discord friends

ahhh no i wouldn't but i wish i was born 20 years earlier

bleh bloo, neither like nor dislike

i don't know if i have one

i don't know, haven't had physical contact in a long long long time in a galaxy far far away

the above point stands but i would like to ig

anything i write, 3 hours later, i instantly hate just idk why

anything i write

that i am normal no i am not and i am not okay hahahahaha

65-70 ish people

somewhere around-

many many many don't ask please but okay if you do ask

somewhat

uhhhhh idr exactly but i won't tell in public duh uh

mediummm hairrrr

last year lockdown i became harry potter

i don't know buddy i seriously don't know

yep i do cause knowledge i like knowledge

naaah never tried

no i definitely cannot stand on my hands or my head for more than 30 seconds

yep, im pretty sure i answered most of them correctly-

og link-

[tinyshinysylveon]

i suddenly got this idea where izuku is an anonymous famous editor for youtubers who hire him to edit their videos because he’s a professional at doing it, and katsuki is an upcoming youtube vlogger who travels around the world and yet doesn’t know how to edit his own videos to save his life, so no matter what he does, he always seem to mess up even the basics of editing (part 1/??)

“i think you need professional help” kirishima says as he watches katsuki trying to drag an edited cut on to his video for the umpteenth time that day “shut up, shitty hair just give me a minute-” an error popup. “did you just.. deleted the video?” “....”

katsuki keeps trying, he even watched tutorials on youtube (while skipping important segments ofc because he can totally do that all on his own!) but his patience is wearing thin until kirishima recommended him to someone who’s known in the youtube community for their famous editing skills 

“..deku?” katsuki stares at his screen showing a youtube profile with the name deku as their username and an icon of all might with edited-in sunglasses “okay look, he may seem suspicious to you, but i gotta tell you bakugou, he’s legit, i’ve seen his videos and they look awesome!” well katsuki will be the judge of that despite this deku having 5 mil+ subscribers than him!

the blonde spent the whole day watching deku’s videos which mostly consists of amvs (anime music videos) and games, especially the ones that required a lot of effort to make, plus he even made tutorials! so he gotta give him credit for that, but alas, katsuki is still somehow having trouble following directions and gave up on the latest tutorial video on how to add an easy transition 

when kirishima came to check in with katsuki, all he heard were multiple clicks and grumbled noises, he let out an exasperated sigh “i can’t believe you’re still trying..” “what the fuck do you want me to do kirishima?” katsuki was trying not to flip his table at this point. “hire him obviously!” the red head yells out as if that’s the answer to their problems “..and how do you suppose i do that?” 

it actually took a lot of convincing in kirishima’s part, but katsuki finally threw away his pride and decided to send a message to deku’s business email that was left under his about page on youtube 

“..i want you to become my editor and help me in becoming the #1 youtube travel vlogger in the community” kirishima reads the message out loud that’s displayed on the screen, “you sure you want to send it like this?” “i don’t see anything wrong with it?” “but don’t you think it’s too.. blunt? no formalities or anything like, hello i’ve seen your videos and i would be honored to have you as my editor, you know?” katsuki just shrugged, “it’s too late, i already sent it to him”

about half a day later, deku replied back, “Good afternoon Mr.Explosionmurder, I appreciate that you requested me to become your editor and would like to discuss further details about our agreement via discord. You can contact me by adding my username, deku#2463. I look forward to hearing from you.” to this day, kirishima still can’t believe his eyes when he read the message

“oi shitty hair, what’s a discord?” 

it wasn’t katsuki’s fault that the majority of time he spent in high school was doing his best to stay on top of assignments and projects, plus being in the A honor roll, he didn’t really get to decide on his career until after he graduated, thanks to the courtesy of his parents owning their own modeling industry, he put the money he saved up to good use in traveling around the world and vlogging it for people to see with kirishima as his traveling partner

he explained all of this and his reasonings to deku on discord once he reached out to him and figured out how to use the platform, but katsuki was still suspicious regarding his video editing skills and wanted to see it firsthand on how his videos would look like as a finished product

deku: fair enough, send me your videos and i’ll see what i can do, until then, if you deem it satisfactory, which i’m confident that you will, i request a 50/50 payment on your revenue. take it or leave it. 

for some reason, katsuki agreed to it without a second thought due to the challenging tone from the message; “i can’t believe you! i told you to trust him! why do you have to doubt him?! haven’t you already seen his videos?!” kirishima was full on panicking at this point, how were they going to make money?! “shut up, i know what i’m doing! i know what’s best for my videos!” it was a good chance too since they’re currently in hong kong and planning to shoot the top 10 tourist spots to visit as claimed by an article he found online

a few days later, katsuki finally got all the videos piled up in one folder and sent them all in a google drive to share with deku just as he requested, he even mentioned to him thru discord message to follow the cues he was giving him on his videos such as when he and kirishima took a stroll and tried foods in the temple street night market; “hey deku, i want you to do a close up of kirishima eating the curry fish ball with erotic music playing in the background” he smirks while focusing the camera on the red head eating without a care in the world and not noticing katsuki making the comment, “mmm dude, mmm you gotta try this, it’s so freakin’ good- wait bro, how long have you been pointing the camera at me?” 

in less than a week, deku sent a reply back with the link to the fully edited video; deku: hmm, not gonna lie, but your cues were actually helpful and dare I say, creative? katsuki took it as a compliment and opened the link to the video file, it was about a few GB so it shouldn’t take a long time to upload on youtube, but.. was it ready? he called in kirishima to watch it with him and was actually prepared for it to look horrible despite deku’s obvious talent except.. it was actually pretty good?? better even?! “what did i tell ya katsuki? i told you he was legit,” his partner boasted, just earlier he was embarrassed when the part about him eating the curry fish ball with the “let’s get it on” music in the background showed up while the blonde just rolled his eyes. 

explosionmurder: thanks, and i just saw it, consider yourself hired deku: happy to be of service! i’m looking forward to working with you, mr.explosionmurder! it would be helpful again if you provided the cues during your journey! :)  explosionmurder: don’t mention it and also don’t call me that, call me katsuki  deku: okay, mr.katsuki! [all might emoji]

kastuki found it odd that he became really eager during the exchange but thought nothing of it

a couple of months flew by and katsuki with kirishima in tow have already travelled in 4 other different countries, he even received about 500k+ subscribers, he’s almost to 1 million! as per agreement, he gives half of his revenue to deku which was okay with him since he still has a lot of saved up money in the bank including kirishima’s since they’re sharing it anyway, most of the time, his communication with deku have been entirely professional with a few emojis in between (usually deku’s part), until today that is 

deku: it must be nice to travel 0:  explosionmurder: pfft, what are you talking about? you now have over 7 mil+ subscribers in your channel since i met you, you can go traveling whenever or wherever you want  deku: i can’t  explosionmurder: what do you mean you can’t?

no reply

since then, katsuki didn’t want to think too much on what deku said and focused mostly on traveling, those videos won’t work themselves! after he finished, he sent over the videos of his recent trip from india over to deku and as usual, deku delivered it back beautifully edited along with a message 

deku: that’s so cool! you guys went to india? *o* [link to video edit] explosionmurder: yeah, you should’ve seen shitty hair when he tried that really spicy curry, which reminds me, you did what i asked right? deku: of course mr. katsuki! as always, i’ve paid attention to every cue you asked for! [saluting pepe emoji] explosionmurder: good good, i didn’t just hire you to sit on your ass all day  deku: haha you’re not my only contractor you know ^^”  explosionmurder: is that what you meant when you said you couldn’t travel because you’ve been busy? way to be blunt katsuki, he mentally berated himself, but at least deku answered this time, although reluctantly deku: ...let’s just say im stuck at home  in that very moment, is when everything changed between them explosionmurder: alright nerd, you sound depressed as hell so i’m going to give you the decision to decide on where we’re going to travel to next, think of it as a reward for all you’ve done for us  deku: asdkjflas that’s too much! T_T are you sure mr. katsuki??? explosionmurder: i’m waiting, you got 3 seconds starting now, 3  deku: america! i’ve been wanting to go to america...

katsuki told kirishima his plans, then the spiky red head gave him a pat on the back and a thumbs up, “so you do have a sentimental bone in your body!” kirishima was almost close to being dead that very same day 

when they arrived to america, he asked deku the list of things he wanted to see and most of them were, “all might amusement park, all might cafe, all might- is there anything else the nerd likes besides all might and superheroes?” katsuki says while viewing the list in the hotel they’re staying at. “give him a break, you said so yourself that he couldn’t leave his house, so this is the least we can do for him and for all the hard work he put in our videos,” kirishima reasoned with him

on the last day of their trip, katsuki did his routine in piling the videos together and sending them to deku with the attached message, “i actually bought you a souvenir if you want it, looked like the type of shit you would like, you’ll see what it is in the videos i’ve sent you” they’ve known each other long enough so he thought why the hell not, it’s just a matter of getting his PO address, and the response to this was immediate, “AAA I SAW IT! THANK YOU THANK YOU!” <3<3 <(^w^<)

it was an all might limited edition figurine only available in the US 

for the first time, deku took two days longer to finish than katsuki expected him to since they’ve started because he always goes through them pretty quickly, maybe he’s too busy making them look up-to-par? whatever the case was, when katsuki received the video, it already had a title for it, “MY AWESOME TRIP TO AMERICA PLUS ULTRA!” kirishima just laughed and told him to keep it in honor of deku so he left it like that, “this better give me some views,” he grumbled and uploaded it the night before they went to bed, he wasn’t really worried in checking it out either because he has faith in deku’s abilities  

the morning after was hectic, katsuki has been receiving notifications upon notifications on the “travel bros” (courtesy of kirishima) twitter since last night, one in particular caught his eye, “i can’t believe deku and katsuki are dating! who would’ve thought!” what?

a short video appeared underneath that came from the video he uploaded, and regretfully never took a look at, showing katsuki saying to the camera as he held the AM figurine, “deku, you should’ve been here, look at what i got you, nerd,” at first glance, it was supposed to look normal (from the original video!) except hearts and sparkles began appearing around katsuki as he smirks up at the camera, what the fuck? besides, deku was suppose to edit that all out! for every cue in every part where he says deku’s name, he was expected to delete them like he usually does! even though it was no secret that deku was his video editor, he distinctly remembers mentioning about him in a video they took way back when they first started out their contract agreement

meanwhile, kirishima was having a field day, he finally saw their video while katsuki kept on seeing other short videos of him on twitter from different segments of the trip in which he either had sparkles or hearts around him, especially when he mentions deku’s name; “bro you won’t believe this, our subscribers grew up to over 1 million last night!” kirishima yells enthusiastically, but when he noticed katsuki not paying attention to him, he looked over his shoulder to check what he was looking at. “oh that, you know those aren’t fanmade videos, right?” katsuki unblinkingly turned to look at him, “you mean..?” kirishima gave him a toothy grin, “yep!” 

a video call from discord, “dekuuuu, what is the meaning of this?” a squeaky voice, “i-I’m so sorry i got carried away and i couldn’t help it! all might was too beautiful including you and-!” “..what did you just say?”

TBC maybe?

[httpswwwtbhkcom]

How does the Class 1a react to their Classmate’s s/o

[Headcanons]

[@httpswwwtbhkcom’s masterlist]

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo x Reader, Denki Kaminari x Reader (Separately)

Warning: Swearing (Typical Bakugo), Some wrong grammars (sorry) , some overreacting Denki. Long stories for Bakugo i got carried away (sorry), some angst but fluff in the end. (for denki)

Genre: fluff(?), a bit of angst

Keys:

f/d: favorite drink, Y/n: Your name, L/n: last name, S/o: significant other

A/N: My first Headcanon! Hope i won’t edit this. Anyways, Enjoy! 

Happy Birthday Denki Kaminari -w-

+A/N: i think im not for headcanons. I write to much. i prefer oneshots more. sorry again

++A/N: Might edit this the next day. It’s late. Good night, Good morning, and Good afternoon for every people in the world ♡

Reader: Neutral

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Katsuki Bakugo:

Summary: You were a new student at the infamous UA highschool, You were late at enrollment. But you still got inside UA’s recommendations. You had a quirk that always involve water. It was quite powerful since you wasted no time in training your quirk in America, but your always dehydrated after every practice. your first day in UA was the worst for Bakugo, one of Bakugo’s friends i’m watching you kaminari had ‘accidentally’ shouted something that both you and Bakugo were not ready to show the world for. Poor Bakugo was embarrassed. same to you.

Reader’s quirk: Something that involves water

Warning: Swearing

No one knew about Bakugo’s s/o except for the Bakusquad. 

He really wanted his relationship a secret. He didn’t really like people invading you since he loves you dearly.  

(skip these warnings. they might be not important or something)

[Warning: Long ass story.] 

About how you two met and stuff like that;

He was your childhood family friend (same with Izuku but that’s in a different story), He had grown feelings for you when you both grew together. Because of your Family business, You both went in separate ways. You went to America while Bakugo stayed in Japan. You promised that you two would still keep in touch, and you did. Calling and texting each other every single day. Few years had passed. You finally went back to Japan. Meeting your childhood everything again. 

You tackled him once you saw him. You almost cried, finally meeting your childhood everything again, but taller, more mature, more handsomer? well whatever,  You missed him and He missed you, that’s what matters right now.

“Katsuki! I have many things to tell you about America.” You smiled. “Yeah, yeah, i miss you too.” He replied. “Let’s go inside, the shitty woman might be happy to see you again.” He continued. You replied with a giggle then followed him home.

At his house..

“Woah, It’s cleaner than before!” You joked, Resulting that you got bonked behind your head by Katsuki’s Hand.

“ Oh my. Y/n!  How are you? Does it hurt? Katsuki don’t do that to a lady!” Katsuki’s mom, Mitsuki Bakugo shouted at his son, and she was prettier than before, You thought. “Hah? Shut up old hag! It didn’t hurt much! I wasn’t even that hard!” Bakugo argued. ‘Mother like son’ you sighed. “Hello Mitsuki, I’m fine. It didn’t hurt.” You replied, trying to stop the arguement of the mother and the son. “But woah, You look really beautiful today.” You complimented. “Awh Thank you Y/n sweetie, see katsuki. You should be like Y/n here.” Mitsuki scolded. Then They argued again, then Katsuki’s Father, Mitsuki’s husband, Masaru Bakugo came and greeted you. Then tried to break their arguement. 

Time skip:

after a month in Japan, You enrolled in UA, same class with your boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugo.

[Warning: Make it two Long ass stories]

How did the Bakusquad knew about you two dating? How did you met the Bakusquad?

After a few days (Saturday) You and Bakugo decided to ‘hang out’. So Bakugo declined hanging out with the bakusquad (as always) but Kirishima thought begging will help like last time, but it didn’t. So the Bakusquad was confused. Saturday, The Bakusquad (-Bakugo) went out to go to the park near a cafe where you and Bakugo was in. Then The Bakusquad saw you ‘hanging out’ with Bakugo one time in a cafe. ‘Bakugo denied hanging out with the bakusquad because of a girl. Omgomgomgomgomg’ Mina thought. So typical Mina, Had fangirled outside the cafe, shipping you(as a stranger to them) and Bakugo together, since Bakugo always hangs out with them. While Kaminari went inside the cafe to greet you two. following with a Kirishima and Sero pulling him back outside and apologizing to his behavior. You paid no mind and looked at Bakugo, Who was pissed. You held his hand “Hey, it’s fine.” You replied. “Are they your friends Katsuki?” “Hah? No. No matter what, their extras to me.” He scoffed, you giggled. “Hey it’s fine.” “No it’s not. Dunce face ruined everything.” He sighed, still a bit pissed. “Atleast they care about you.” You said, still holding his hand. “Yeah yeah whatever.” He looked at the window. Seeing Mina scolding Kaminari while Kirishima and Sero waved at both of you then stupidly grinned. Bakugo looked at you again, You were looking at them. He sighed. Making you look at him. “Hm. You ok?” You asked, quirking a brow. “Yeah, im going to talk to them.” He stood up, letting go of his hand. Then he went outside. You were checking outside of what your lover was doing. 

“Why the fuck were you interrupting us?” His voice was loud enough to be heard by the Bakusquad and the passerby’s who was staring at the show. “Uhhhh Hi Bakugo! Didn’t see you there. How are you?” Kaminari,who was trying to change the subject, made Bakugo more mad. Everyone in the Bakusquad except for Bakugo and Kaminari facepalmed. “Hah? Trying to change the subject won’t save you dunce face.” His hands were making some small sparks, ‘I guess that’s my cue to help’ You sighed, taking your last sip of your f/d. then throwing the empty cup in the trash bin. 

Bakugo was making his way to Kaminari, His hands ready to throw Kaminari to the next country, Then He felt someone touch his shoulder. “HEY-” “Stop it Katsuki. Your scaring him.” You watched as his  hands lowers down then he apologizes. The Bakusquad was shooked. Bakugo. Apologizing? ‘Am i dreaming or something????’ they thought. Bakugo had never apologized like that. Hm weird “Oh hey” You greeted “I’m Y/n L/n. Are you Katsuki’s friends?” Now you sound like his mother. Great! “i think so-” The red haired stopped. He was a bit stiff. Katsuki glaring at him. “Hiiiiii I’m Ashido Mina. Nice to meet you Y/n!” She was friendly. and you were happy about it. “This is Denki Kaminari, Eijiro Kirishima, and Hanta Sero.” She continued. You greeted them. They greeted you back. “Hey are you Bakugo’s girlfriend?-” The pikachu looking guy snickered but the pikachu boy who was named Kaminari got hit at the head, by the red head, Kirishima “Be quiet Kaminari man, you don’t want Bakubro trying to kill you again right?” The red head scolded. Poor Kaminari,,,, “She is my girlfriend Dunce face, got a problem with that?” He growled. His face were a bit red, embarassment? angry? flustered for no reason? Don’t know, Don’t care. And that’s how you met the Bakusquad. they were lucky to have you help them for Baku-problems. Though Kirishima, being Bakugo’s ‘best friend’ or so you thought, Didn’t need help because that is “Unmanly”

Continuing ....

He really didn’t like public relationships since his s/o would be involved. Some people would annoy you with questions and he didn’t like that. 

So that means the first day of UA for you will be Kaminari’s death wish

Skipping to your first day in UA

“Class, This is Y/n, L/n. Please let them feel like home. I know it’s late. But make them feel welcomed. Now do whatever you want. I’m going to sleep.” You stood infront while Aizawa makes his way to his yellow sleeping bag. You saw some familliar faces then smiled. 

Kaminari gasped, Loud enough that everyone was looking at him. “OMG I REMEMBER YOU” He stood, pointing to you. Curious faces was looking at you and Kaminari. “YOUR BAKUGO’S S/O” Then that’s how he almost died at lunch. Both you and Bakugo were a blushing mess. You stood there like an idiot, cause you did not move at all. Eyes were on you and Bakugo. Oh noes. I guess Kaminari’s dead. ‘He’s in big trouble’ The others muttured. Everyone be like :O

They were shooked. So at lunch, was as he expected. Almost everyone has been asking you questions, But you answer most of them. Cause a short grape boy named Mineta was asking inappropriate questions. 

“ i wonder how Y/n and Bakugo started dating. I mean like, Y/n is so nice while Bakugo was so. so mean.” Kaminari pouted a bit jealous Bakuo himself got a s/o before him. “I guess opposites attract” Mina laughed

“Any lasts words Dunce face?” Bakugo’s hand was so close to Kaminari’s face that one explosion  and his face goes to recovery girl, burned. “Uhhhh. You got a nice girlfriend?” Then he went off running outside the lunch room. Bakugo chasing him. “Someone go get Y/n!” Someone shouted. “No running!” Iida yelled, but none of them listened. You were in the halls after escaping the questions, going back to the classroom, so when you saw him chasing Kaminari again, you sighed. then you know what happened next

Bonus:

Video not mine. Just found it in Youtube. Credits to: Icy Hot

 You both were in Bakugo’s room. And you saw a Baby Katsuki video, so you showed it to Bakugo cause why not? “Hey katsuki look at this” You giggled, showing the video to your boyfriend

“You look so cute!” You giggled “W-where did you get that from?!” He stuttered. “My mom sended it to me earlier! You and your weird but cute antics. just so cute!” you were fangirling, while he was stared at you, “You call falling cute? That’s rude dumbass” He pouted. “No, Your singing dummy!” And that’s how he blushed hard. “Love you Katsuki.” You laid your head down to his shoulder, yawning. He smiled. “Love you too.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Denki Kaminari:

Summary: You and Denki were dating for a few months. The only person you interact with in class 1a except for Kaminari was Mina. Mina was the matchmaker herself so that’s why she knew about her. It was your lover’s birthday today. So you and Mina thought to surprise him (Making his class confused and surprised too).

Your in the support course too, in another school  

Reader’s quirk: Double

A/N: This is a bit more different than Bakugo’s, since it’s Denki’s birthday. -w-

Warning: In this story, When Denki Kaminari’s birthday is ignored or forgotten by his s/o, He overreacts and starts to worry himself too much, Swearing

The day before his birthday...

“She’s real! I’m not lying this time!” Kaminari argued. “I don’t trust you. You kept lying about your ‘girlfriend’ for months! How can i trust you if you keep lying to yourself?” Jirou shot back, even quoted the ‘girlfriend’ word. “Do you guys trust me?” Kaminari asked for the others who were inside the classroom. “Sorry bro...” Kirishima apologized. Bakugo shooked his head as a ‘no’. Everyone disapproved, well except for Midoriya. Who was trying to leave the classroom and a Mina who already left. Kaminari locked eyes with the green haired boy, “Well? How about you Midoriya?” He asked, his eyes waiting for a yes. The green haired boy only froze once his name was heard. Every eyes in the room because to bore through Midoriya, making him uncomfortable. “S-sorry...” He said shyly. In which Kaminari only groaned in response “I’ll show you that she’s real!” He shouted to his classmates who was leaving the school to their respective dorms. He only heard a “Yeah yeah whatever Dunce face.” from Bakugo himself. 

With Mina and Y/n..

“Mina!” You waved, earning a wave back from your best friend. “Hi bestie!” “How are you?” You asked. “Oh im fine. I have a favor....It’s about Kaminari’s birthday.” She whispered the last part, like someone was following her or something. “Oh what is it?” You were curious. She whispered the ‘plan’. “Oh! I’m free tomorrow! Good thing we have no school tomorrow. I can ready everything at the dorms with the help of some of my friends.” You giggled. “Are you sure?” Mina was a worried, especially you doing things on your own. “Yep! i’ll be fine don’t worry. I won’t overuse my quirk. i promise” You promised, which was supposed to be broken tomorrow since you really want to do this for your boyfriend. “Ok then, i trust you.” “Thank you then. I want all of the class to act normal kay? And text me if you guys are going upstairs. We need to plan this perfectly.” You replied. “Got it boss.” Mina joked, then left to go back to the dorms.

Everyone in the class knew Kaminari’s Birthday was tomorrow. So to have no suspicion at all, Mina made a group chat with all of the Class, except you and Denki of course (She wanted to surprise her fellow classmates too). She texted the plan to the group. and they agreed.

The text, Just for fun.

8:00PM ~Today~

Mina: Hey guys!

Bakugo: What the fuck is this?

Iida: Bakugo! No swearing

Bakugo: Why? This ain’t the original Group chat so why not? Mina did this in the first place. Why blame me?

*Iida and Bakugo argued in text so let’s skip that*

Izuku: Please stop kacchan

Bakugo: Shut up Deku.

Kirishima: Woahh Chill Bakubro

Bakugo: Shut the fuck up shitty hair

Iida: Bakugo!

Uraraka: Did i just heard an explosion?

Jirou: Yes, you just did

Mina: Guys.

Everyone but Bakugo: Yes?

Bakugo: What the fuck do you want raccoon eyes?

Iida: Bakugo! Stop it.

Bakugo: Make me four eyes

Tsuyu: Guys, Mina is telling us something! Be quiet. kero

Mina: Thank you Tsu. As i was telling, it’s Kaminari’s birthday tomorrow, so how about we make a surprise birthday party for Kaminari?

Sero: But how? We have school tomorrow.

Hagakure: How about i do it myself? I can take off my clothes then prepare.

Ojiro: Aizawa will notice that you left. no floating uniform, no hagakure.

Hagakure: Haha right.

Mina: Reply to Sero: Don’t worry i got it covered. All we need to do is act normal or something. We all go to the dorms like we always do. Hang-out, or something else just act natural. No need to be worried.

Ojiro: But whose going to ready things out?

Mina: I said i got it covered. Do you guys even trust me? :(

Izuku: O-of course we trust you Mina.

Mina: Ok good! Again. Act Natural. 

Bakugo: Yeah yeah we know it already. we ain’t blind

Mina: Sheesh! fine just checking.

Sero: To Kaminari’s birthday!

Everyone except Bakugo. Again: To Kaminari’s birthday!

Mina: ... F for Bakugo in the chat

Kirishima: F

Sero: F

Jirou: F

The others except Bakugo: F

Bakugo: Ugh Fine. To Dunce face’s birthday, Happy?

Mina: Very, Goodnight!

Everyone: Goodnight 9:47PM ~Today~

The next day...

You sneaked inside the dormitory, with a teacher’s permission (Since you didn’t want attention of other people/teachers walking by in the morning and letting you out of the school. and being banned there). Inside Mina’s room.

“Are you sure ‘bout this?” Mina asked, currently worried and instantly regretted on involving you but your Denki’s s/o so why not? Your a teacher’s pet and a social butterfly. so that’s good right? you’ll get out in every arguement right? Meh, you asked for permission, you get permission. “Yes Mina, Don’t worry. I’ll be fine” You reassured her so that’s fine right?

When Mina left, you were already decorating the living room (just pretend they have their own campus with each floor, first floor for class 1a. Just pretend. I have my own imagination, Oh wait. i think they do have their own campus? i forgot :P) Then you felt your phone buzz... a notification, you took your phone out of your back pocket. thought that was Mina, but it was your beloved boyfriend, Denki Kaminari

Denki’s nickname in your private chat is Pika pika bitch♡ because he wanted to have it. he even blackmailed you that if you changed his nickname, he will not give you kisses for a month. your nickname in private chat: Love of Denki’s life♡♡ was made by you. cheesy right? but i had changed it to You Just in case

7:10AM ~Today~

Pika pika bitch♡(Denki): Hey Love! Am i interrupting you?

You: Hey Denki! Ah no, your not interrupting me. Well... i have no school today and i have my free time today!

Pika pika bitch♡(Denki): Awh your lucky! I wish that i could hang out with you. Sadly i can’t. I have school :(

You: Bummers... :(

Pika pika bitch♡(Denki): We can hang out later after my school right? Your free later right?

You: Aw sorry baby, can’t. i have to meet up with my friends later at the mall.

Pika pika bitch♡(Denki): Oh, :(                                                                                                                  Can’t you tell them to Hang out next time instead?

You: So sorry bby, but it’s one time only! We can hang out Next week. My treat~

Pika pika bitch♡(Denki): Ok then. I can’t say no to free food!

You: Thank you bby! Love you.

Pika pika bitch♡(Denki): Love you too♡

7:47AM ~Today~

You accidentally forgot to say happy birthday to him in text. You were busy decorating you just forgot about it, And you regretted lying to your s/o that your going to hang out with your friends. which was a big no-go to Kaminari himself.

With Denki, since you were decorating the living room....

Denki was the first one to go to school since it was his birthday

Denki sighed in disappointment since his s/o didn’t remember his birthday. Who are those ‘friends’ that was more important than him? He told you about his birthday right? Did he forget? Or did you forget? He was sad. How did you forget about this? It’s his birthday today. Why won’t you Atleast say Happy birthday for him?  A happy birthday from text would be fine for him. So why won’t you do it? Why did you forget? Was he not important enough to atleast remember his birthday? Please tell him atleast a happy birthday- “Happy birthday man!” “Happy birthday kaminari.” “Happy birthday!” everyone greeted him happy birthday. How nice. Well he was still sad but it’s worth it right? Your the one preparing, their the one whose saying happy birthday to him. He was still down.-

 Bing! A Notification... From The Kaminari Family.

7:50AM ~Today~

Mother: Happy birthday Denki♡

Father: Happy birthday! My son, be a pro hero like what you really are!

Denki: Thank you Mom, Dad! I love you both♡

Mother: We love you too. Were proud of you too. Go reach your goal and be a successful pro hero!

8:01AM ~Today~

He was a bit less disappointed. Atleast his family still remember it right? Well that’s a bit of his worries had fallen.

The school had ended and nothing out of the ordinary had happened. As promised when they were going to the dormitory, Mina texted Y/n that they were going to the dorms

5:01PM ~Today~ Cute Alien queen♡(Mina): Were going back to the dorm! Get ready.

Twice the cuteness♡(You): Oh ok, Everythings set. i’ll take a minute nap at Denki’s dorm. I’m kinda tired right now.

Cute Alien queen♡(Mina): And You promised me you wouldn’t overuse your quirk.

Twice the cuteness♡(You): I didn’t overuse my quirk! I might or might not added to many decorations. 

Cute Alien queen♡(Mina): That’s still overusing your quirk.

Twice the cuteness♡(You): Fine fine sorry. I was just too excited for Denki’s birthday that i got carried away.

Cute Alien queen♡(Mina): Apology accepted. Just don’t do it again

5:10PM ~Today~

With Denki and the others

Denki was the first one to the door, While the others were behind him waiting to get the door opened just to say a loud “happy birthday!!”. But some were anxious if Mina was actually joking or not. They would be a big fool of themselves and it would ruin everyone’s reputation.

Once he opened the door, He was dumbfounded. How did they decorated the living room while everyone was with him the whole time?

A loud “Happy birthday!” was shouted behind him once he opened the door. He was happy. finally happy they actually remembered. But the question was. Who decorated this? Hagakure? She was invisible but no. she can’t do all of this by herself, Plus he saw floating uniforms. Maybe it was Uraraka’s quirk that made it float? No. Maybe the teachers? No, they would just greet him happy birthday. Maybe some people that he didn’t notice leave? No. He swore that he checked every single one of them with him in the classroom. No one left. And nothing was out of the ordinary. Did they do it after he left? No there were too many decorations. So who did it?

“Aw Thank you guys for making this for me. I was pretty shocked myself, Shocking right?.” He joked the last part. but no one laughed. just some ‘your welcomes.’

“We didn’t do that Dunce face.” Bakugo admitted. Leaving a shocked Pikachu standing dumbly right outside the room. “T-then if you didn’t do that then who did?” He asked. “Dunno. Mina told us the plan-.” Ojiro answered. “Mina!!!! Thank you!!” He hugged Mina, who was laughing her ass off “I didn’t do this myself. i planned it. Someone else did it by themselves.” The whole class was like :O and was very confused. ‘like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? themselves? How????’

Who can do it by themselves? definitely not them. Everyone looked at each other in curiousity and ask of who did it. Making Mina laugh. “Wait.. Their here?!” He asked his voice rising a bit. Mina nodded. He had let go and ran to go search for you in a lightning speed

The other’s be like “??? what do you mean ‘their here’?” All of them asked. “ His s/o is here.” She said proudly, making the others jaw dropped while the others where laughing I’m talking about you Bakugo “Your joking right? Dunce face can’t even have a lover since he sucks.” He laughed. While the others were seriously staring at him in disgust.

With Y/n and Denki 

“Y/Nnnnnnnnnnn!” Denki ran full speed to his room, finding you lying down in his clothes, already awake because of the ruckus you heard. “Happy birthday Denki” You smiled. 

Bonus:

“Guys this is my s/o, Y/n.” He proudly introduced you to his classmates. “Nice to meet you.” You bowed. The others greeted back. “I told you she was real!” He shouted. “Yeah yeah whatever, so Y/n,-” Jirou ignored Denki. Every student started to ask questions, making you giggle at the attention that the class gave you. leaving a speechless Kaminari and a Bakugo. “Hey guys! It’s my birthday right now! Give ya’ll attention to me!” Kaminari cried. “Shut up Dunce face.” Bakugo scolded, leaving the crowded room. “R00D” 

“You should come here and visit us more often!” Uraraka replied before you left, “Sure! sorry i can’t stay that long though. My sensei told me to come back to the dorms.” You waved goodbye to the others. Denki tackled you then lustfully whispered “You shouldn’t lie to me like that. You almost gave me a heart attack when you said you were busy with someone later. that someone was more important than me. When your going to visit, your going to have a big punishment.”. You gave him a goodbye kiss then left, flustered.

Edited: July 16,2020

[vortomorto]

not in any way excusing anything, but I did see in the yt comments that there were a good number saying “my submission was also hitler jokes, so sad it didn’t make it in” or “I submitted a nazi one but they only used my mine craft one” or sth. I really do think they could’ve picked better green screens to show, but I also think the fanbase has a good number of edgy “dark humour is my personality” straight boys. Which is sad bc the eboys r actually funny and don’t need to rely on edgelord humour

its not the first time they made edgy jokes though, the whole eboys channel is just them bluring things out.

youre right, their audience is straight white edgy dudes, and thats why they should be more careful with these jokes and not encourage it. maybe they should wonder why their white fans feel comfortable sending them jokes about hitler. while they arent directly responsible for their audience, they still influence them, whether they like it or not. each of them has at least 1 million subscribers, they have a huge amount of teens looking up to them.

the blatant misogyny and racism on british youtube has been there for too long. ksi gets called the n word in every one question go video and his audience laughs. elena bateman appeared in a callux/sdmn video and she got r*** threats because she.. talked? speaking of sidemen, the comment sections under their videos are always the most toxic ones. in the blind dating/tinder videos the girls appearing on them get so much hate.

back to the eboys, they always shift the blame to their viewers, dont they? i vaguely remember george making a video on someone and then the audience attacked them and george fully said he had nothing to do with it. he has 3.5(?) million subs, he knew damn well if he made a video on someone his audience would go over to their channel and send hate. and then everytime after that, whenever he made a video on someone he made a half assed disclaimer stating that he doesnt want his fans going over there.

personally, i dont care if someone makes edgy jokes. its not for me, but i just let it go bc i know its a lost cause. its the fact that they dont make their views clear and they dont take responsibility when they fuck up. millions of views means power, and as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility. the fact that their content attracts right wing white dudes means something, they just dont want to think of that something.

also, are we ever gonna talk about how they treated fraser, one of their loyal friends? this wasnt an edgy joke, this was something they did irl that affected an actual person, and their audience managed to gloss over that too. and then they, yet again, made edgy jokes about fraser on the channel and even made a "whos the fifth member of the eboys" video. gross. throw the whole channel away.

and ofc they probably said "we talked about it and its fine" but fraser is the one who has the least fans and he is the one who got screwed over, so its possible fraser just said a dry "its ok" and decided that it was just not worth it.

im mentioning fraser, because they did him dirty and its yet another thing that gets glossed over. while fraser wasnt my favourite, he was the only one who was actively talking about social issues, politics and his views. out of all of them, fraser is the least likely person to attract right wing members and he was the one that was left out. i dont know if it was bc they found him boring or annoying or bc he had less subs than everyone (i dont think thats the case), but they basically stole his idea.

its not a coincidence that alex gets the most shit, and its not bc of ***** (we can talk about That can of worms some other time). under the true geordie christmas podcast (the first one) you can see all the white dudes whining about alex. under every willne/memeulous video he appears in, you can always easily find ppl talking shit about him. this was happening even before *****, and every old imallexx stan can back me up on this. alex always got the most shit out of everyone. is it bc he wears pink? is it bc he is not masculine? is it bc he is bi? is it bc he talks more than their faves and they think he doesnt deserve it? (notice how they also had a problem with elena talking -- talking over straight white male comedians is a crime for them)

my point is, white edgy dudes tend to find a couple other white edgy dudes and just "gang together". these white boys project their beliefs on their favourite youtubers and assume that their faves have the same beliefs as them (even though, logically, we all know the eboys arent right wing members,they dont see it like that. they see white dudes joking about hitler).

what usually happens is that this fantasy of theirs starts to crumble. a beautiful example is idubbbz. his audience LOVED the fact that he said the n word, and the r slur, and the f slur, and all kinds of fucked up stuff. they worshipped him.

you know what happened? he found a girlfriend. they did NOT like her, at all. his gf decided to start an only fans. and suddenly, idubbbz wasnt the king anymore. he was just ian, a "simp".

as someone who reads the comments while watching videos i have noticed something. the dudes who talked about ian's gf talk the same way as the dudes talking about will's gf, mia. just something i noticed.

anyway, this reply is too long, im sorry... i just wanted to get some things off my chest and you gave an opportunity to do so. this isnt an attack towards you or anything like that, this was just me rambling.

english is not my first language and i havent proofread this so there are some mistakes in there. some things (fraser) werent really relevant, i just wanted to talk about them

[ask-edd]

((how was meeting cl and getting to visit her home? im super curious!!)))

((Off the bat this is gonna be long, so I’ll put it under a read more))

YO IT WAS SO FUCKEN COOL

Okay so first she and SL came up to my place for the weekend, and initially, that’s all it was supposed to be.  We hung out, I got to make them food, we watched Youtube together, we helped my mom try to put together a fuckhuge puzzle, we stayed up late just talking and watching youtube videos, it was great!!

And then the night before they had to leave, we’re watching one of my dad’s favorite movies, I realize that I kinda really don’t want the weekend to end.  There’s still so much for us to talk about and do ;-;

I text CL as we’re watching the movie, and it dawns on me that, had we planned a bit better, I totally could’ve gone home with them for the week and then my parents could come pick me up the following weekend!  I message CL about it and next thing I know, my mom’s telling me she can give me some money and meet them halfway the following Monday!

So the next day, we’re off!  It’s a 6 hour drive, but it didn’t feel that long.  We get to CL’s place and I get to meet her sweetie pets, Xena and Clover!  Both v good gorls!!  And I find out I have to sleep on a paper thin futon that hurts my hips but that’s fine, we kept adding to it over the days so it wouldn’t hurt as bad

But ye the following days I got to try so many things!  I got to play a Switch for the first time, I started playing Pokemon Shield, I got to go to like, 3 different Hot Topics and Spencers and such, I got to try stuff like mochi, bean buns, takoyaki, boba tea, etc, I got to meet one of CL and SL’s friends (she pierced my ears and we got drunk together, she’s cool) We went to a comic book store and a computer store and a Mod Pizza and a legit ramen place and stuff, it was so cool!

Fucken special shout out to SL for being like, legit one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met- the dude can play guitar, he knows sign language, he was my glasses the whole time cause every time we went to a restaurant, he had to read the menu for it cause I can’t fuckin see, he let me watch a shitload of anime, he very kindly bought me some checker pattern socks, he was always so sweet and considerate, and he was the one who drove us fucking everywhere bc CL and I are gays who cannot drive

So yeah mad props to SL

And CL herself is so,,, cute,,,,,,,  like irl she does this thing when she talks where she puts her finger up to her chin, idk if it’s an anime thing, a sign language thing, or just something cute to do but it’s fucken adorable and I love it.  Plus her hair is so fluffy and curly!!  I love!!  She also wore my hoodie a whole bunch and even my hat at one point and I just <3  Plus she gave me headpats and hugs and snugs and liddol smooches and my touchstarved ass already misses it

Oh yeah fucken- three days after I left, my mom texts me asking if I wanna come home early and that she misses me and such, and then two days after that,k she texts and says she can send me money and I can stay another two weeks if it’s okay with CL and SL, which was confusing, but I later found out why she changed so suddenly

This paragraph is kinda sad, so maybe skip it if you don’t wanna read sad shit.  But anyway my mom tells me when we were on our way home that she was suddenly okay with me staying bc at home, I just exist.  I go through the motions day in and day out, doing the same stuff and living in my bedroom.  I don’t do anything really, I just exist.  That’s it.  But out with CL and SL, I’m trying and experiencing new things and talking and laughing all day and night and I’m genuinely happy for once.  My mom realized that and figured that, even though she missed me, it’d be better for me to stay longer.  And she was right.  I forgot what being sad or bored felt like for almost a whole month.  But now that I’m home, I remember.  I’m silent, my default face is a frown, everything is the same.  I try to show my parents my cool neon Eddsworld sign I made with the neon stuff SL gave me, and all they can manage is a “cool” or a “mmhm” and that’s it.  No happiness, no enthusiasm, nothing.  I was bright and happy for almost a whole month, but now I’m back to being a dull gray.

Anyway, tl;dr it was a fucken hoot and I really hope they can come out again for September for my birthday

[tipsydipsydo]

Get to know me more! 🤗🥰

I got tagged by the amazing and so lovely and filthy @borathae! Thank you so, so much for that, Sweetie!!💕

What do you prefer to be called name wise? Here on Tumblr I prefer my nickname 'Tipsy'!

When is your birthday? 16th April

Where do you live? On the countryside aka "the literal nowhere" of Germany.

Three things you are doing right now? Listening to music, watching YouTube Videos and answering this game in Baby steps! xD

Four Fandoms that have piqued your interest right now? BTS, GOT7, APH Hetalia and Countryhumans

How the pandemic treating you? Honestly, I did great in the quarantaine time. I live on the very, very countryside so nothing really changed for me (just wearing masks while grocery shopping and not being able to see my friends)...so I had a lot time to write!

A song you can't stop listening to right now? Serena- Safari

Recommend a movie? "Labyrinth of Lies" (german: Im Labyrinth des Schweigens). It's a historial Movie about Germany in the 1950ies and the pre-history of the "Frankfurter Ausschwitz Trails". It's a very emotional movie for me and it explains a little bit why the "german identity" is so complex and maybe difficult to understand.

How old are you? 19

School, University, Occupation or other? High School, in my Senior Years and next year I'll have my graduation.

Do you prefer hot or cold? Cold. You can always put some warm clothes on but in Summer you can't rip yourself out of your sweating skin. That's why I tend to hate Summer.

Name one fact others may not know about you? I'm too shy and too ashamed to sing in my car and in the shower, even when I'm completely alone. I'm embarrassed about my not existing Singing-Talent in front of myself.

Are you shy? It really depends on the situation. I'm surprised by myself that I tend more and more to make the first step... I was unbelievable shy in elementary and middle school!

Do you have any prefered pronouns? she/her

What's your favourite "-dere" Type? Deredere; Dandere and Hajidere. When it comes to me, I'm a wild mix out of Deredere and Hajidere. Completely fine with new peoples, almost outgoing (I identify myself as ambivert) but when it comes to my crushes... I'm a disaster.

Any pet peeves? Misunderstandings, overthinking/overintpretation of little things nobody cares about.

Rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 means being the best you could ever be! I'd say I'm something between 6-7. I have to work on some bad habits!

What's your main blog? This one here.

List your sideblogs and What they are used for! Omg... okay... here we go xD

tipsys-world: My personal Sideblog for all the stuff that wouldn't fit thematically into my others sideblogs. Reblogs of memes, gifs, other Fandom-Stuff, a place to tag friends with hot bts gifs/pics to make them suffer etc.

thoughts-of-tipsy: My Sideblog that's dedicated to political topics, social criticism and support of minority communities and movements.

tipsyreads-female: My Fic-Rec Blog for Writings with a female Reader!

tipsyreads-male: My Fic-Rec Blog for Writings with a male Reader!

tipsyreads-shelf: My "To-Read" Blog to collect all the fics I want to read and to built my "pile of shame" (of fanfics that I still haven't read until now...)

20. Is there anything peoples need to know about you before being friends with you?

I text long ass messages, literally half novels.

Sometimes I saw your messages but had no time that moment to reply and then forgot it... so feel always free to text me again when I still didn't answered your message after two days (max!) 😅🙈

When I know who's your bias and that you like smut, I'll make you suffer 1000%! ...up to the point until you drenched your panties or are nearly about to blow a load in your boxershorts... I'm Satans Daughter, no Joke! 😈 (Just ask my mutuals~)

I want to tag: @kay-diggle @h0esvck @hellishvu @bangtanloverboys @pinkcottonmochi @yoonjincafe @starlightauroras @joonbugsdimples @sombreboy @sugarly-laysa @mylittlestrangeandsweetworld @taesluttt @kookiesjoonies

.. I know definitely too many peoples... omg! When I forgot somebody of my mutuals, please let me know!!🙈💗💗 Anyway, when you're interested in this tag game, but you're not tagged, feel always absolutely free to join in!!!

(...and when you're tagged but you don't want to join, that's absolutely fine too!💕)

Send Love, Tipsy! 💜

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (3)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 9.5k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Interviews used to be Phil's least favourite part of this job. The research was always captivating, the filming was always fun, the editing was always challenging, but talking? To people? About things? Absolutely not.

He still doesn't love doing it, but he's long past the point of begging Martyn or Ian to pretend to be him on the phone.

The curtains in Phil's room are open for once, letting natural light in so he doesn't look as dark on the Skype screen. His eyes keep drifting to himself, distracting him as he tries to fix his hair or laments not getting out of his pyjamas. This is his fourth interview of the day, and he's starting to hate the process with a renewed fervour.

"Okay, thank you," he says, clicking out of the screen record window. "Can I message you here if I have any further questions, or would you prefer this to be your final statement?"

"Oh, um," the girl says, her eyes round with some kind of emotion that Phil can't be bothered to parse. "No, no, that's... that's all I saw. I don't have anything else. But you can still... message me, if you like."

Ah. Phil makes a face that he hopes reads as apologetic and not panicked. "No, I - sorry. Gay. Just interested in your ghost."

"Oh!" she says again, looking more puzzled than Phil thinks she has any right to after a forty minute conversation where he mostly just asked her clarifying questions that she kept dodging. She tucks some of her long hair behind her ear and shakes her head. "Sorry, that's just - you haven't said that online."

Phil isn't very good at knowing when people are lying to him, but now he's definitely suspicious of the half-assed testimony he'd gotten from this girl. He sighs. "Okay, you know who I am, then?"

"I mean, I looked you up when you messaged me about a video and all," she says. "Wanted to know if you were a creep or, like, legit."

Okay, that's fair enough. Phil supposes that if he were a girl in uni and a stranger asked to video chat, he'd also do a little digging first. He still doesn't quite believe her story, though - most of it matches what she'd written on Facebook, word for word, and she didn't go into detail on anything she claimed happened.

"Right, of course," says Phil, feeling awkward and exposed.

Her eyes are wide and blue and she can see into his room, into his life, and she's giving him this look like she thinks she knows something about him. He hates this feeling.

"That a secret, then?" she asks.

"No," Phil says. "It's just not relevant to my job. I don't have a lot of ghouls asking me out."

She doesn't laugh. Phil is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second, and he's wondering if it's worth it to hang up on a potential lead - no matter how dubious her claims - when she says, "Well, alright. I won't tell anyone anyway."

"Thanks," Phil says automatically. He doesn't particularly care if she does or not, but he does want this call to end as soon as possible. "And thanks for your time. Message me if you think of anything else you forgot to mention about the Wilkins place or if you know of someone who's seen something."

Before she can even respond, Phil hits end on the call and groans, resting his forehead on his thumbs for a moment.

Unsurprisingly, this is giving him a migraine. It doesn't take much to make the twinge of a headache turn to insistent throbbing, because Phil's body hates him and overreacts to everything.

Phil takes a couple of deep breaths before he comes out of hiding. He attaches the final screen recording to the email he's already got open and ready to send to Martyn. After a moment's thought, he CCs PJ and Sophie in and adds, Nobody sounds credible except the second person to me, so... it's not looking good lol, before hitting send.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes for a moment. Interviews are still draining for him, especially when they don't go as planned, and Phil's starting to get the impression that there's nothing to even find at the Wilkins place.

But. Phil pauses, considers his options. He hasn't interviewed everyone, has he.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Phil shoves his glasses unceremoniously back onto his face and opens Tumblr. Winnie hasn't said anything to him so far today, so Phil feels only a little like he's bothering them when he shoots off a quick, Hey! I just finished interviewing the sources you gave me and most of them aren't very promising. Would you consider letting me ask you some questions to round out the video?

me?????, Winnie replies almost immediately. i didnt even see anything?? like im happy to answer questions but idk how much use ill b in an INTERVIEW

I know! And you don't have to lmao so don't feel pressured or anything but you know so much more about the place than they do. Everyone claimed that they didn't know other people were having paranormal experiences.

oh bullshit, Winnie says. Phil is surprised into a huff of laughter.

There's a part of Phil, fuelled by anxiety and uncertainty, that worries Winnie is just pulling an elaborate joke on him. That part of him feels a little more at ease every time he actually talks to Winnie. They just seem... genuine. And maybe Martyn would disagree, would blame Phil's desperation to see the best in people, but there's a reason Phil doesn't tell Martyn everything.

Before Phil can agree with Winnie's colourful derision, his laptop beeps again. i look like an ogre rn but i can voice chat if you rly think itll help

It would!!, Phil assures them. The tender spot behind his eyes twinges again, serving as a reminder. Can I call in like an hour? I've got a headache from the screen lol

sure i really have nothing else going on today

--

So it's later in the day, late afternoon light still streaking through Phil's window, when Phil sits back down at his computer and adds the Skype username Winnie gave him. His head still hurts a bit, but it isn't all-consuming now that he's had another coffee and some painkillers. The padded headphones feel good to put over his ears, blocking out most of the typical noises from such a full house and a busy street, and Phil just sits in the blissful quiet for a moment before he sends a voice call request.

It gets picked up almost immediately, and Phil presses a smile into his palm before he says, "Hi! Can you hear me alright?"

There's a beat. Phil waits, in case Skype is lagging as usual, but he's opening his mouth to repeat himself by the time he gets a response.

"Yeah," says Winnie. "I can hear you."

Phil isn't really proud of himself for being surprised by Winnie's voice. It's just. He knows his viewer demographics, okay, and he has a rough grasp on Tumblr demographics, and the name - alright. It isn't his proudest moment, is his point, because he's expecting a much higher pitch for absolutely no good reason.

In addition to that, his brain automatically tries to classify Winnie's voice as very obviously masculine, and Phil has to push back against that.

"I can hear you, too," Phil says cheerfully, not allowing his anxieties to spill over into the conversation.

"That's good, probably," Winnie says. There's another beat of silence, and then a huff that might be laughter or a sigh comes through Phil's headphones. "Sorry, I - I'm not trying to be fucking weird, this is just surreal."

"Is it?" Phil hums. "But I haven't even asked you about ghosts yet."

A snort - definitely laughter, this time - follows, and Phil is so glad that he's able to put Winnie at ease even if his brain is betraying him. "That's true. I guess it's gotta get weirder from here."

"That's kind of, like, the subtitle of my whole channel," says Phil. After a moment, he frowns. "Subtitle? No. What's the thing, on the poster -"

"Tagline," says Winnie. They sound so amused and warm and, okay, they've got a nice voice. That's not gendered. Phil can think that. "You're thinking of a tagline, you buffoon."

"Tagline," Phil echoes gratefully.

"Don't you," Winnie starts, then stops abruptly. They don't finish the sentence, but Phil can kind of guess what they were going to say. There's the sound of some rustling, like Winnie is getting comfortable, before they change tacks. "Again, I didn't see any of this alleged ghostly activity with my own eyes, but I know the hot goss."

Phil opens the recording program out of habit, nodding even though Winnie can't see him. "That's still really useful at this point," he says encouragingly. He clicks a couple of buttons. "And, yes, I do have an English degree. Thank you for not asking."

Winnie laughs, the sound of it filling Phil's headphones and making it feel like they're in the room with him. It's warm, like everything else about their voice, and absolutely contagious.

"I didn't want you to think I was, like, a big stalker," Winnie says, and Phil can hear the grin in their voice.

"Eh, I know you watch my videos," says Phil. "So I figure you know some stuff about me. You probably know that I'm going to ask this, too, but - is it okay if I record our conversation? I don't need to include it in the video if you don't want me to, but it's still useful for me if I don't so I can, like, actually remember the things you told me."

"Yeah, sure," Winnie agrees easily. They hesitate, for a moment, and Phil waits for whatever the caveat will be. "Uh, can I still swear?"

The question surprises Phil into laughing. "Yeah, you're fine. I can bleep them out."

"Then I am all for it. Ask me the ghost questions, ghost man."

Phil presses record and glances down at his notebook, where he's scrawled some disjointed questions alongside his usual doodling. "Uh, okay. Yes. I am totally a professional."

"If you say so, mate," says Winnie.

"Hush. Okay." Phil finally gets his brain back on track and taps his pen against a question near the end of his list. "So, Winnie, you did all this research into the Wilkins place on your own downtime, but you mentioned that you've been hearing murmurs about it for a while, right?"

"Not that long, actually, I've only been hearing about it since term started," Winnie says, and Phil is struck by how comfortable they suddenly are now that there's a guideline. Or, maybe, now that there's a non-Phil audience. "Which I thought was pretty weird, since I'd been there a couple times since I moved here, and it's a spooky fucking place but nothing to write home about."

That's more or less exactly how Phil feels about the situation, except that he doesn't remember the Wilkins place to be scary at all. Maybe it's gotten worse in the years since, or maybe he's just got a higher threshold for empty, decrepit homes than Winnie does. Either way, he's not sure if he should be relieved or suspicious that their thoughts on it mirror his own so well. He starts a spiral in the corner of his page as he considers the answer.

"So, you never got the impression that it was haunted before?"

"I - can I be perfectly honest?" Winnie asks, and then doesn't wait for a response. "I don't get the impression that it's haunted now. I dunno if people are just making shit up or if they're doing too many drugs, but we all know that ghosts don't actually exist."

Phil snorts. He does have a fairly large number of skeptics who watch his videos to argue in the comments about logical explanations for his findings or to just enjoy watching him fail so much, but he hadn't really expected that from someone who sent him a sourced essay on the topic of ghosts.

He's recording right now, so he's not about to give away the fact that, yeah, he kind of does agree with Winnie on this one. Instead, he keeps his tone neutral and says, "You don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe in most things that can't be explained by science," Winnie says, so matter-of-fact that Phil has to smile.

"I don't really believe in science," Phil says, mild.

A beat. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't believe in science," Phil repeats, doubling down on the joke so he can hear that incredulous pitch of Winnie's nice voice again. "I mean, isn't it all just as made-up as anything else? People just tell us stuff exists and we have to believe them?"

"We believe them," Winnie says slowly, "because it's a fact."

"How do I know that?" Phil asks. He knows how off track he's already gotten, and he decides to cut this part out before he sends the file to Martyn or his friends.

"Because you can. See it. With your eyes." The genuine bewilderment in Winnie's voice is very funny. "Like. What the fuck, Phil. If someone drops an apple and it hits the ground and they're like, 'oh that's gravity', how are you supposed to say, 'uh, no it ain't'?"

Phil leans back in his chair a bit, his spiral turning into an apple. "Because, what if that's just what the apple wanted to do? It's not like we know any of this for sure, Winnie."

"You're fucking with me," Winnie says, but they don't sound very certain.

"I am," Phil admits happily. "Do you remember the first incident that kicked off the Wilkins place rumours?"

"You," Winnie says, and then cackles. They lean away from their mic as they do, but the sound of it still makes Phil feel some secondhand giddiness. He wonders if their laugh has a volume limit, or if it's just going to keep getting louder the funnier Phil is. He is so tempted to put that to the test. "Fuck. You little fucker."

Phil hides his own giggle in the palm of his hand and clears his throat, trying to get back into the professional mindset he'd forced himself to be in for the four earlier interviews.

"Do you need me to repeat the question?" Phil asks. He can't resist teasing, just a bit.

"No, fuck off," Winnie chuckles. They take a deep breath and let it out on a hum, low and thoughtful. "So, there was this shindig during fresher's, which I obviously didn't go to because I'm not a fresher and I'm too old to go to shindigs, but people were talking about how the house was making weird noises. A girl I know - I linked you to her Reddit post - said she saw someone just standing outside the window watching them, but, like, is that really a supernatural occurrence in Rusholme?"

"It's not. And she hit on me as well, so I'm not sure her judgement is trustworthy."

"Sounds like her. Sorry. Anyway, nobody really thought 'ghosts' as much as they thought 'rats in the walls and a pervert on the street', but then - this one didn't get spoken about online. I don't even know how valid it is."

"Word of mouth is how most ghost stories get passed," says Phil. "I'm not going to hold you to citations on rumours."

Winnie huffs a laugh. It's soft, quiet, and Phil almost wishes he could say something ridiculous to make them cackle again. Unfortunately, he has a job to do.

"Fair enough. Well, some idiots spent the night there to see if anything weird would happen," Winnie says, and Phil feels a bit attacked, "and three separate dudes had sleep paralysis."

Phil hums and jots some messy notes down. "In the same night?"

"At the same time," Winnie corrects him. "The other idiots were trying to wake them up for a long time, apparently. They're convinced that the guys who fell asleep were just pulling a prank on them, and maybe they were, but that's when the ball really got rolling."

Out of everything Phil has heard today, this is the most compelling story so far. Maybe that's a good indicator of the Manchester students being full of it - maybe there truly is nothing to find in the Wilkins place - but it piques Phil's interest anyway.

"For someone who only believes in cold, hard science, you're good at telling ghost stories," Phil says.

"Thanks," Winnie says, sounding pleased with themselves. "Learned from the best."

Phil is suddenly very, very glad that this isn't a video call, because he can't stop himself from smiling like an idiot. "Oh, is that what they're calling me?"

Another cackle. Phil doesn't remember the last time he made someone laugh so much without tripping over his own clown feet.

"I never said I was talking about you."

"Uh huh."

"Oh, shut up," says Winnie, and Phil can still hear the laughter in their voice. "Don't you have a bunch of questions to ask or something?"

Phil does. He has a whole list of questions that he should be following. He chews on his pen and looks at the doodle-covered list of things he's meant to ask Winnie. His head still hurts - maybe the extra caffeine didn't help after all - and all he really wants to do is take a nap.

"Yeah," Phil says, reluctant. "I've just got, like, a migraine. Can I call you back another time? This was a really great start."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Winnie. They've dropped their voice down to something soft, like they're worried that they'll make Phil's headache worse.

"I'm actually going up to check the place out this weekend." Phil isn't sure what makes him say that. He meets up with sources in person, sometimes, but usually only if they've seen something with their own eyes. He just feels comfortable talking to Winnie, far more than he'd felt talking to the other students he'd interviewed today.

Phil doesn't actually extend the invitation, and Winnie either doesn't pick up the hint or doesn't care to.

"That'll be good," they say, still soft. "Get some rest, Phil, you can call me back when your brain stops trying to drill a hole through your temple."

After Phil says goodbye and hangs up, he sits at his desk for a long moment. It feels too quiet, all of a sudden, his padded headphones blocking out all the ambient noise around him. It's good for his head, but Phil is still weirdly disappointed.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

The Magnificent Guide to Magic

Some Tools for Magic

Tools are one of the reasons you can confuse magick for magic very easily. The difference between items used in magic spells and items used in magick rituals is that in rituals, the power is contained within the items themselves, for some unknown reason. However, if you need a tool to cast a spell, that means the magician needs a device to channel or refine their magical energy.

There are specific tools for specific jobs, so instead of dumping a shitload of information onto the page, I’m gonna put it in a list.

Spell words: the most common type of “tool” you’ll see. I don’t even know if they count as tools, but they serve the same purpose. Words almost always go with spells, although the more you practice one the less you’ll need the words. Like learning how to drive, eventually you just go on autopilot and instinctively know what to do, but at first you have to concentrate on all these complicated things. Think of words like those YouTube videos on how-to-drive (Sidenote: Chase has told me to tell everyone to never let me drive anywhere, because even though I can do it, I suck ass at it. So there’s a warning if any of you ever meet me in person.) Most spell words are in either dead languages or runic languages, though there’s an increasing portion of them in modern day languages. You just need to speak them as you concentrate on whatever the spell itself is supposed to do.

Wands: Not every magician has one. I do, but some don’t. Wands are supposed to direct the spell at its target. Say you want to shoot fire. Point the wand, and fire will come shooting out of the tip. Pointing your finger or waving your hand can work too, but it’ll be a lot less inaccurate. I advise blossoming young magicians to use a wand unless you lose it and it’s an emergency, or the target is right in fucking front of you. For experienced magicians, you do you. If you think you’ve had enough aiming practice that you’re accurate without a wand, go ahead. I personally prefer a wand, but I also tend to play with it when I’m nervous, according to JJ, so maybe I keep it for that reason. If you’re looking for a wand, there are only two rules: make sure it’s fairly straight, and keep it short: maybe a foot or a foot in a half (I dunno I’m not American but that’s what I heard and it’s easier to say than half a meter). Decorate your wand however you want.  Mine’s collapsible and looks like a street magician’s wand, for the nostalgia.

Staffs: Long wands. Same principle, point at target. Some of them have crystals embedded in the top, and you gotta watch out for those ones because staffs with crystals can send spells in waves, like an area of effect attack. Magicians can also do that on their own without tools, but these ones can go much far ther an d end u p st r  o n  g   e    r

Sorry about that. I tried to keep writing, really, but for fuck’s sake how am I supposed to be able to do that in this tiny ass space?! I started hyperventalating, no biggie, I fixed it by pulling down all the clothes that were hanging up because you know rooms look bigger when theres not stuff in them and now I feel kinda better but god this is so sssmall traitor friends still wont let me out for fucks sake guys Im gonna die in here

No I’m not. Not gonna die in here. It’s fine. Everything is fine.

Feel a bit better now that I’ve written it. Anyways, to continue.

Crystals: A lot of them are used to hold and/or amplify magical energy. A magician can pour their magic into a crystal and then later they’ll be able to draw out that energy, like a reserve. Or they can channel a spell through the crystal and it’ll come out more powerful. There are specific types of crystals that are best used for specific spells, but I don’t know them all. Emeralds and other crystals from that group are best for combat-type spells, rubies and sapphires are good for elements, diamonds are for mental magic, there are a shitload of more obscure crystals that work incredibly well for specific spells, and that’s about the extent of my knowledge.

Mirrors & Crystal Balls: Used for scrying. I’m no expert on that, I’ve only done that once and 1) it was an emergency 2) the bowl exploded. Oh yeah, you can also use bowls of liquids if you don’t have mirrors or crystal balls. Also JJ tells me that if you can, use crystal balls as a last resort because the curve of the ball will distort the vision, but I don’t know how accurate that is because he’s just a witch fuck sorry that sounded mean he wasn’t born with magic, and admits he doesn’t know as much as a magician would.

Runes: These guys are the catch-all to make anything that’s not magic into magic, or even magick. Carve them on a necklace? Boom, you got an amulet. Write them on a piece of paper or paint them on a piece of wood? Boom, you got a talisman. Put them on a staff or wand? That staff or wand is gonna be really good at casting whatever type spell depending on the runes. Runes are VERY complicated, and maybe deserve an entry all on their own. But make sure to only use runes from one alphabet, since there are multiple. Otherwise things could literally backfire.

Knives and Other Weapons: For when you want to stab a bitch, but with magic. Usually magic is the spice on top of the normal weapon, able to make it burst into flames, or freeze whatever it touches, or explode the nearest item. They’re very versatile, provided you only want to use them to fight or destroy things. Knives have a special place because a lot of magicians use them for combat and to double as wands! They’re straight and short enough and you can use them to stab yoUr friEndS SLit thEIr FuckING thROAtS liKE theY DESErvE IGNORE THAT I DON’T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM HOLY SHIT

Okay I think I may actually be losing my mind in here. Time to bang on the door again.

They didn’t answer. Fuck are they even there anymore? They wouldn’t just leave, would they? The door is totally stuck it’s like I’m trying to open a wall decoration please tell me they didnt leave fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck

ITS FINE ITS FINE ITS FINE

They probably just got tired of answering me every few minutes. Or maybe Schneep left and just JJ is there. I’m gonna go with that, it’ll explain things the best. I’m just gonna...write more. It’s fine. It’s fine. This’ll give me something to focus on besides   you know. Just keep moving on.

[winterfellchild]

Hey, do you think these are legit? They seem very detailed. reddit*com/r/gottheories/comments/5hyax8/spoilers_season_7_all_leaked_info_in/

I read that spoilers too but I don’t trust what they say for many reasons. It’s a lot to talk about but let’s start with the main reasons why I’m not convinced with these spoilers, in no particular order, under the cut:

The wighthunt is useless. If it was anyone else maybe I could have taken that idea in consideration but here we are talking about Jon Snow, ex Lord commander of the NW who fought at Hardhome. Jon saw what the WW are and what they can do, he saw how dangerous they are and how when the NK raised his arms triumphantly all around him the dead rise up as undead wights. How can a great warrior like Jon who saw all that even think that a wighthunt is a good idea? From the start it looks more like a suicidal idea than a Lord Commander’s idea. But let’s take this as a good idea and not a suicidal one for just a minute: why should they try it? To prove the WWexistence to the Dragon Queen? I don’t see why sending good men on a difficult mission can be a good idea when she has dragons and can look for herself what it’s happening behond the Wall. In the spoilers it says that during the wight hunt D with her dragons will join the group beyond the Wall to save the day, so my question is: could she not just fly beyond the Wall in the first place and take a look? Last time we saw them the WW didn’t fly so flying can be the safest, easiest and fastest way to check on the WW. She doesn’t need to engage in a battle, just take a look. She is willing to go either way so why not try the safest way first? And they will catch the wight in the end and they will take it to KL...REALLY? It wasn’t in the show but in the book Martin already proved how this is highly improbable to happen: Lord Commander Mormont sent Ser Alliserto KL with the hand of the dead ranger who tried to murder him at Castle Black but as soon as Ser Alliser left Castle Black the hand started to putrefyand when he reached KL Tyrion ( that was hand of the King at that time) had a good time mocking him because of that hand. If it didn’t work before Im not sure it will work now.

Melisandre and the BwB run into each other and after that Arya also run into Melisandre. Well, I believe this one can be true but I also know for a fact that this idea was around long before the spoilers. For example this video was posted on June2016 and there are a lot more that talk about who Arya will meet in the Riverlands. So this doesn’t look much like a spoiler to me, more like using a well know theory on youtube like a spoiler.

Sam is the one who will cure Jorah. Like Arya meeting that people in the Riverlands this idea was already around long before the spoilers. I remember I saw a video that suggested 2 possibilities to cure his greyscale: one was that he will go to Quaitheand the other one was that he will go to the citadel and find Sam. I can’t find that video ( I tried but I watched too many to remember which one was) but the citadel was the most likely possibility because the person who made that video said something like “ the citadel is like google in Westeros”. Since there were spoiler photos of Jorah and of Sam ( not together) but not of Quaithe it’s the most logical thing to say Sam will cure Jorah and not Quaithe. Anyway this video will be enough to confirm what I’m saying since it was posted on July2016.

I’m confused with Theonstoryline in the spoilers.He gets his ass kicked on a beach near the coast of Dorne by the Ironborn, after they saw how Theon was unable to save Yara. The Ironborn leave him.So this will happen after his uncle EuroncapturedYara, but it didn’t say who exactlywill beat him. I saw some photos and the one beating Theon will be Euron himself. I think it’s too strange that his uncle Euron will capture Yara but leave Theon go when he wants to kill them both. Many say Euron is even worse than Ramsey ( I don’t like both in the same way) and Theon is a bigger problem to Euron’s claim on the Salt Throne because he is a male so... will he really let him leave? For sure both things will happen because there are photos ( Yara will be captured and Theon will be beaten) but maybe the timeline is not really how it’s written in the spoilers and if it’s not like that why should I believe that these are really leaked scripts and not just ideas from people who saw the photos like me?

I talked about this in another post so I’ll just copy and paste what I wrote there about the idea of a successful parlè in KL. The leaks said D, Cersei and Jon ( and others) will have a parlè and team Jon/D will ask Cersei’s help. Jon and D will trust Cersei (who recently killed a great part of KL people without a care, we all know how mach Jon loves people who burn innocents) and after 6 episodes of them fighting each other ( D and Cersei) and reach a compromise. Can this really happen? Cersei and her family killed half Starks so I don’t see how Jon will be able to ignore that and made peace with her. But even if Jon is willing to trust Cersei ( and I don’t think he will trust her but let’s talk hypothetically he will do it for a greatest good because he is that kind of person) D will never ever acknowledge Cersei as Queen, she will take what she thinks is hers with “ blood and fire”. Like she did in the last parlè she took part in. The writers wrote that she was more like a tyrantin the last parlè ( ep 6x09 script) so I don’t think she will be so open to make peace with Cersei. If there will be a scene with Jon, D and Cersei I think it will be Cersei’s death scene not a parlè.

Littlefinger is Sansa kill, as Ramsey was, and it will be a satisfyingdeath only if Sansa will personally kill him. After all she is the one that is supposed to slay the “giant” not Arya.To let Arya physicallykill him is possible but not really satisfactorywhen Arya already has a long list and Littlefinger is Sansa’s foe. Also I like more the idea of killing him with poison and not a knife. After all it all started with Littlefinger poisoning Jon Arryn and Littlefinger used poison with Joffrey and Sansa was framed for that murder. Like it happened to the people who killed the Starks in the Red Wedding I would like to see Littlefinger die in the same way he killed people.

Olenna telling Jaime that she killed Joffrey, and Olenna then poisons herself, dying in front of Jaime. I’m not sure but did lady Olenna have scenes with Jamie where they talked like enemies? Their families are enemy so there is no lost love between them but I don’t think Lady Olenna/Jamie will be a great showdown like it will be Lady Olenna/Cersei. These 2 women had a lot of history and Lady Olenna is too sassy to just kill herself without first saying what she thinks to Cersei. I like Lady Olenna a lot so I hope for a more emotional death scene for her than not one with Jamie. I hope she will have the satisfaction to look at Cersei’s face when she will confess that she killed Joffrey... after all Cersei killed all her family so D&D can let her have this little satisfaction.

Jon will die again and Beric will give him the kiss of life. For one thing if he will die again there will be a greater meaning to his death than a-not-special-at-all WW killing him in a useless mission. His first death was important, not only because of who killed him ( the betrayal was an emotional moment) but also because of how it frees him from his vow to be a NW. This second death doesn’t look much special and doesn’t have a special purpose, for me it’s not something fit for the leading character. Also if they start to kill him and bring him back and it start to become a habit it will lose the special meaning of him being TPTWP. And if D&D will use the kiss of life I hope it will be Jon using it not Beric. In the book it was so important when Beric give it to Cat but giving it to Jon in a not so epic death scene seems to me a little disappointing. To me this looks more like the need to put the kiss of life in the spoilers than a good script.

I’m not going to talk much about the boats*x but I have reasons to not believe that too. In truth, maybe there will be a boats*x scene but I don’t see how Jon can have feelings for D and kneel to her when she is becoming more and more tyrannical ( again ep 6x09 script and what Emilia said in an interview). That Jon is not much like the Jon I saw in 6 seasons so I hope it will not happen.

[mini-zerk-her]

MAYBE ITS MY FAULT- CALFREEZY IMAGINE

So I got carried away and this is really long... But I also love it so I hope you do. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Maybe I was the cause of all the problems in my relationship with Cal. Maybe it was actually me and not him. I mean we both had fucked up schedules and many times we went weeks without actually seeing each other. He goes to bed around three in the morning and I wake up at about four in the morning to train. I don't get home till about five and by then Cal is already filming or doing other things. I'm a gymnast and he's youtuber and quite honestly I thought his schedule was messing us up, but now I'm sure it's mine. I do an hour of yoga and stretching before eating breakfast and doing a few miles of running. Then I drive to the gym where I live from six to three. Then I finally head home to my flat and I'm exhausted, but it doesn't end there because after dinner I go back to the gym to teach a class for the little ones. Unfortunately, for my relationship, I do this Monday through Friday and weekends are the same minus teaching classes. Maybe I was the reason my relationship was failing. It was most likely me and the olympics. "Why are you falling off the beam on a simple turn?!" My trainer screams from the other side of the gym and I look up at him. "Because my relationship is failing!" I scream back. "Well get back on the beam and focus. Even the three year olds can turn on beam without falling and you have a gold medal on it." He has a point. You'd think after being an overall bronze medalist at worlds two years in a row and having a gold medal on beam at the olympics, I'd be able to do better. "Can you get through today's practice or do I need to send you home to work out your boyfriend troubles?" He asks and I shake my head. "No because he doesn't even realize that we're falling apart." I explain before stepping back onto the beam. "Nope get on down. You're not gonna get injured right now because you're unfocused." He reaches up and grabs my waist before pulling me down. "Go home, talk to him and come back here tomorrow ready to stick the routine we've given you because in two months you're competing in the qualifier and I need your head on straight and the routine clean." "Okay." I nod in agreement before walking over to my bag and pulling on my team Great Britain sweatshirt that match my blue shorts that sit on top of my leotard. Once I'm outside I pull out my phone and stare at it for a few moments. "Hey Cal, can I come over?" "Yeah of course. I just have some of the guys over filming. I thought you had training." "Let me out early, but I'll be over in a few. Love you." "Love you too. I'll unlock the door." He hangs up and by the time I get to the flat all I hear is pure chaos. "It's the Olympic gymnast who got stuck dating Callum!" I hear Harry shout before pulling me in for a hug. "Aren't you usually doing flips at this time of day?" He asks and I nod. "Coach sent me home." I explain as he steps away and let's Cal come over to greet me. "You hurt?" He questions before kissing me on my head. "No just off my game I guess. I mean I fell off the beam doing a simple pirouette and I'm the gold medalist on beam. I do pirouettes in my sleep." I ramble slightly and he notices something is wrong. "Well go change and join us." He pats me on the shoulder and I nod before placing my bag down and walking to his room. I pull off my leotard and other clothes before grabbing one of his weezy tops and pulling my shorts back on. I go to leave his room before looking in the mirror and realize I actually look like shit. "I'm not gonna be caught on camera with this." I mumble as I pull my hair out of the messy bun. I quickly put some concealer on my neck because a bruise the beam gave me looks like a hickey and then I'm 'ready' to be seen by others. "Guys look it's the girl with the Olympic gold medal." Someone throws a vlogging camera in my face. "Stop it. It was one gold medal." "Yeah but you're family has a room in their house dedicated to medals and awards that you received growing up." Cal points out "Well it's my only Olympic gold medal." "My bad I forgot about the bronze on uneven bars." "I could be better. Have you met the American team their incredible." I look down at my callused hands and think about the eighteen years of my life that have been dedicated to the sport. My twenty first birthday was spent at the gym training for nationals. I mean I pushed so much of my life off just to compete. Yet I still feel unaccomplished. Like I could do more and to others it sounds stupid but for me it's just the life of a gymnast. "Anyway I'm gonna go lie down. I didn't realize how out of it I am till now." I stand up off the couch and Callum looks worried. "Guys set up the video I'll be back." He follows me into his room and I take a seat on the bed. "What's going on? You haven't missed a day of training since you had the flu three months ago." He asks and I shrug while rubbing on my right ring finger that has the Olympic Rings tattooed onto it. "I'm ruining our relationship. I mean we barely ever see each other and when we do, the guys are around, or we're both out of it and tired. I mean we haven't spent time watching Netflix and relaxing together in months. I mean we maybe get to call each other every week or so." I shrug before looking up and facing the reality. "I mean you started dating me right after the Olympics and I'm not the same person I was back then. I had about three or four months of normalcy where I just hung out and relaxed and only went to the gym twice a week. Now it's a year later and I'm training hard for nationals and to make the national team for worlds. This is the real me and the real me is fucking up everything. I mean did you not notice my lack of presence at the party last week or that I wasn't there for the Sidemen football match? I mean I missed a lot and I feel like you don't care. Like it doesn't matter." "You think I don't care or notice that you aren't there? Cause I do and yeah it hurts but I don't say anything because you're pursing a dream and I'm not gonna stop you from doing that. You're incredible and I'm not gonna stop you from reaching you're highest potential. I don't wanna make you feel bad so I don't say anything. And yeah maybe you and I don't talk much and this is the first time I've seen you in person in a month, but I still love you. I mean what do you want me to say? That I mad? Cause I am, but I'm not gonna do that to you. I mean it sucks when all the others guys have their girlfriends around and we all go out to eat and mine isn't there because she's training. Yeah it sucks but I don't say anything because I'm not gonna stop you from doing you're best. Im not gonna make you feel like shit for doing you. So don't come in here and act like I don't try because it's you that doesn't have time for me." He shouts back and I realize that I was... no I am... the problem. "So what does this mean?" I ask and he places his hands over his face before looking up at the ceiling and back down to me. "I think it means we're done." He admits and I nod before picking up my bag and walking out of the room. "Wait where you going?" Harry asks and I just ignore him. Once I'm out of the flat I just run. I run to my car and I drive straight to the gym. "Why are you back here? I'm not letting you train upset." "I'm here because he fucking broke up with me." I finally respond after a few moments of silence. "And I'm ready to train." --//-- "You look so tense. Like go get a drink." My teammate jokes and actually consider that as an option. "I mean Cal and I split like a month ago and I have been quite lonely. I mean I haven't slept with a guy in so long. I mean it's hard to have a sex life when I'm always here." "Well there's always the boys." She motions over to the chalk bin where some of the Olympic guys are standing. "Mel really?" I fidget with my grips and she nods. "I mean I had that fling with Luke." She smiles and I look over at them. "They're just as horny as we are. Like I'm just about to for one of them at this point." She shrugs and I nod.s "Let them know you're single sweetie." I wink before grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the chalk bin by the bars. "Move it or lose it boys." I smirk before looking up. "Or do something with it." "Oh is that right?" Ash grabs my waist and I nod. He pulls me closer to his body and leans down to kiss behind my ear. "I'll see you by my car." He leaves another kiss on my neck before looking around. "I'm sorry do you guys need some space?" I hear my coach shout and I quickly pull away from Ash and turn around to face my trainer who is holding up an elastic band. "I thought we were doing bars." I raise an eyebrow and he holds up another elastic band. "You and Ash here and gonna be having fun today and not the fun you wanted to have." He throws the bands at us and I contemplate throwing myself on the ground and crying. "Feet together and up the rope. Come on you two, now you're gonna do that ten times each and once you're done do it another ten times." He shouts and Ash looks at me while smirking. "Good I'll get to see your cute ass climb up the rope." "Not gonna be cute when he makes us do even worse things. Last time he caught me kissing my boyfriend I was sixteen and he made me do twenty times up the rope, a five mile run, and thirty standing tucks before making me call the boy and tell him he would ruin my future and I couldn't date him." "Wait really?" "Yeah and he only let me date after I won gold on beam. Now he's pissed because of you because he thinks you're gonna ruin my chance at gold again." I explain while tying my ankles together. "What about my chance at gold?" He jokes and I grab onto the rope. "My bad I mean my chance at gold for the third worlds in a row." He reaches over and tries to tip me over before climbing up the rope. --- "So Im gonna go take an ice bath. I gotta take an ice bath." I limp over to ice baths as Asher follows me. My trainer had us do five miles, and then it got worse. Back tuck followed by a burpee. Twenty sets of five followed by chin ups on the high bar and then he made me continue running. Then he made me do my floor routine full out four times in row. The worst was that Ash was allowed to stop after the running and he sat back cheering me on while laughing. "Can you possibly carry me?" I ask and he grabs onto my waist and throws me over his shoulder. Once we get to the ice baths he puts me down and I slowly climb into the freezing water. "How's the boyfriend been?" He asks and I can't help but laugh. "I wouldn't have flirted with you if he was still my boyfriend." I explain and he leans against the edge of the tub next to me. "Why'd you split?" "I don't have time for a relationship when I'm here being an Olympic gymnast." "Oh trust me... There's time. That one hour break we get between twelve and one for lunch and then the break we have from three to seven and again when you have a break at nine after you're done teaching the little ones. Trust me there's time, but unless both people are trying, you won't feel like there is time." "And weekends at night. You're boyfriend sounds like an ass." He laughs and I shake my head. "No I'm the ass. I didn't try either. I wanted him to try and I couldn't expect him to." I look up at him and he shakes his head before standing up. "I can't sleep with you. I'm sorry but I was flirting back because I'm an ass but you love another guy. Like come on you still love Cal." He grabs my hand and pulls me up out of the ice bath. "You should stretch, take a shower, and go get your boyfriend back." "No I don't love him anymore, it's fine." I try to dissuade him and he smiles softly. "Can't do that to you. I mean you're on my Olympic team." He laughs and I cross my arms over my chest. "Okay, well thanks Asher." ---- "Hey Harry, is Callum home? I gotta talk to him." "Oh, what're you doing here?" He hugs me before pulling me inside and pointing to the kitchen. "Wait before I go, is he seeing someone new?" I ask and he shakes his head. "You're good." He laughs while motioning for me to follow him inside. "Callum? Can we talk?" I ask and he looks up before nodding and motioning for him to follow me. "Mind me asking why you're here?" He asks while shutting the door behind us. "Cause I got to practice and for the first time since I was sixteen I got fully punished. I had to climb the rope with just my upper body twenty times and then ran five miles. Then did so many back tucks into burpees that I almost passed out and it didn't stop there. I had to do chin ups and handstands and all that other shit before dying and doing my floor routine fully out." "The last time that happened I got caught having my first kiss outside. It was my first boyfriend and it was so worth the pain I endured after. However, today wasn't the same because I got caught flirting with another guy who then turned me down because he told me I'm still in love with you. And he's right, I am still in love with you, but he also made a really good point and I want you to listen." I place my bag down and he motions for me to continue. "He mentioned that I do have enough time for us. He pointed out that there is enough time and I think I messed up before and yeah I do want to get back together but please just tell me if I'm already overstepping my boundaries. I mean I'll just go now if you don't want to get back together." "Don't think that, please don't think that. Yes I want to get back together and yes I'll find a way to work this out so please don't cry." He pulls me into his arms and I wrap my arms around his waist. "Missed you shorty." He pulls away and brushes my hair away from my face before kissing me. "I love you." He picks me up and I place my face into his shoulder. "I love you too." I smile before leaving kisses on his cheek. "I love you so so much." I laugh as I keep leaving kisses on his cheek and he smiles before turning his head and kissing me again. "I'm not letting you go again."

[carbonsequestrian]

man i dont even know if i should share this because it’s super weird/ poorly written/ doesn’t make any sense but i feel like i keep too much too myself so here is a block of text i wrote and didn’t edit and if you read it, i love you.

Well, id like to kick off my music blogging career with a piece about a song that has continued to inspire me since the moment I heard it about 5 years ago. Something about the song awakens this dragon in me… or rather, something about the song awakens a knight that is about to go and slay a dragon, and that feeling crashes into every fiber of my being resulting in me feeling fucking powerful. Idk what the secret is. I wish I had found this sound when  I did a song analysis project for my freshman writing seminar back in college. (I chose Sublime’s Santeria for that project… and it was a shit show. Believe it or not, trying to write 10 pages about a song that doesn’t inspire every fiber of your being is insanely difficult. Lesson – if you have to write a lot, write about something you fucking love and admire.)

 The song is Don’t Waste Time Doing Things You Hate by And So I Watch You From Afar of their self titled 2009 release. I think it’s their debut album. Anyway, the band makes instrumental rock music. Stuff that superheroes and supervillains alike would use as a theme song. I discovered them from Worldhaspostrock on youtube, so check them out.

 Of course, now that im sitting down to write about the song I cannot think of any words to say about it. Lovely how that happens. Especially after bragging about how easy it is to write about something you love. HA>

If you’ve ever done something you hate, you sure know how that feels. Part of you feels trapped -momma didn’t raise no quitter – and another part of you is too busy daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing to formulate a plot to get you there. Feeling stuck doing something you hate is exactly how I felt when I discovered this song. I chose my major at college based on what a guy who I’d met over the internet was studying, he called me pretty and would send me ‘good morning’/ ‘sweet dreams’ texts, so we were obviously super serious. And I was going to study the same thing as him and we would conquer the world together, duh. Lo and behold, I hated my major. And because I hated my major, I didn’t really fit in with any of the people I met through my major. There was one chick who I liked because she hated it too, but we were very different people. I did sports in college instead of joining a music group (being in an acapella group was a last minute goal of mine) because A. everyone in my family was super sporty B. no one in my family thought very highly of music and C. I was fucking terrified of it. Every bit of it sends anxiety chills down my spine and up my toes. Singing in front of people in a room? Singing with people? Having people rely on you to do your thing correctly in order to achieve a desired result? Fuck that’s anxiety inducing. And let me make this clear, I don’t have stage fright. But I do have Perfectionist Block (a totally real issue, created by me, ill discuss it further in another post) which makes me extremely hard on myself.

 So anyway, to paint the picture – 20 year old me is in the library for the 50th hour that week (no kidding, I went to Cornell, and seriously spent 6-10 hours a day in the library studying during regular term. Finals/ testing weeks, it’d double) looking for upbeat instrumental music that could make me feel like a bad ass and I find this band. The first song I found by them was The Voiceless, off the same album. That song fucking slaps. I must’ve listened to it 30 times before saying “hey, why don’t I check out their other stuff?” and thus gave this album a listen. I was so stressed that week, so tired, felt so lost and alone. I hated every fucking minute of my life but I was pushing through it because I wanted to make my mom proud. Every morning I would angrily get ready for class, pissed off that elitism and this desperate urge to prove oneself through menial shit such as ‘ivy league’ degrees would push someone to find the line of their breaking point and balance on it. All for what? If I died tomorrow, who could speak of who I am? At cornell, I was a cornell student. That was it. By being there, I wasn’t anything of myself anymore. I wasn’t strong, I wasn’t funny, I wasn’t good with animals, I wasn’t a hard-worker, I wasn’t smart – though, those last traits were implied – I simply became a product of an institution. One that I loved, don’t get me wrong. I had been looking for reassurance/ acceptance/ approval my entire life, and that letter that I got from a world renowned school was it – so I thought. But then I got there and my imposter syndrome went wild. I wasn’t truly smart, or good at learning. In fact, high school had been so easy for me that I was able to scrape by with great grades without ever working on schoolwork outside of school (I’d do my work during lunch, when I would eat in the chorus room/ my English teacher’s room since I had no friends.) at school, I thought I’d made friends, but they ditched me when I needed them most. In retrospect, I should’ve been more forgiving – no one’s perfect -  but ill blame my poor socialization through high school here. I saw kids who worked their asses off day and night. A 16 year old math prodigy lived in my hall. And I had nothing to show for my intelligence outside of the fact I was able to take enough HS classes in middle school that I’d manage to have 4 hours of school my senior year (typically, that time would be so that kids could take extra APs. But I said fuck that.)

 Truth is,  I was so insecure and unsure of myself that being thrown into the lava pit that is college – any college, not just an ivy league – was emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I found myself getting drunk to the point of almost dying most nights. Every time with strangers. I’d often go to the bridges, where so many had leapt to their deaths before, and ponder if that’s where I belonged. Crashing amongst the rocks and water in the gorges. Man, I was fucking depressed. And a ball of anxiety. I had no real identity, you’d ask me what I liked or what I wanted from my life and I’d have no real answer. My answer would vary based on what youtube videos I had been watching that week. I was so scared of being judged.

 Point is, I found nothing that I felt a connection to. Not my major. Not my peers. Occasionally my surroundings, but typically only in the morbid, I’d like to throw myself off this sort of way. Life is so much more complex than those things, and truth is, ill never really be able to explain away all of the different shit in my life that was bringing me down. Making me feel worthless. Dumb. Like I didn’t belong. And the first thing that I felt like understood this, was this song. Even writing that out I feel like it confirms my worst fears, that I am worthless/ delusional/ crazy/ not even a real person. How does one go through 20 years of life and can only feel connected to a pile of noises that a stranger has made and recorded? Wavelengths generated by someone else’s finger tips never felt so good. They resonated through my brain and spoke to my soul. It was like I was being sucked into a black hole and obliterated to nothing. And that was what I needed, because I was able to look at who I was and take a chance to rebuild. To change.

 With no one to talk to, no one who understood me, and no real goals or aspirations in my life/ being too crippled by fear to even take a chance to achieve my goals/ aspirations in life, I darted in the complete opposite direction. Left that ‘dream school’ for a state school 2000 miles away. I still waste plenty of time doing things I hate, but every day I try to do my best to find the things I love. It’s been a long hard road, and I am so unsure of myself. I realize I’ll never have the validation I seek, at least not externally. Still, going to cornell is my greatest achievement and those close to me hold a grudge that I left without fulfilling my diploma. And looking back, I could’ve done it. Taken some time off, sought a therapist outside of the free service offered, opened up to some of the people I had met. Hindsight is 2020. And im here now.

 This song means the world to me. The suspense of the guitar plucking in the intro is an emotion I was swallowed in. the anger and noise of the guitars from 1:11-1:30 was how I felt every morning when I looked at the day ahead. The desperation of the guitars at 2min how I looked at the people around me, who appeared to have their shit all together. Their heads above the water. Looking at me drowning below the surface. But I had a smile on my face, so I must have been fine. Then the clarity that comes at 3mins. The music starts to feel like it’s getting itself together. 3:35-4:15, when big changes happen. And the la la lalalalalas. That’s how I was, just “la de da-ing” my way through life, not really thinking about what I was going to take from this world and my short time getting to experience it. The song gets progressively happier, and calmer, as I hope my own life will be, though I’m still in my 3min phase when it feels like it’s starting to get itself together.

 Ill always hold onto the hard times I went through at school. And ill wish everyday for a time machine, so I could go back in time and tell 18 year old me to just chill and ‘discover yourself, man’ before going to a place that has so much potential. Because the truth is, I was too insecure to be successful at such an institution. I still think I’m too insecure. But at least now I know, and I’m not living under this idea that because I got into a good school I am a good person and good things will come to me.