#anyway if it really was thats crazy. anyway. not the best thing ive watched for larry but not the worst! had its fun moments

[endbeginning]

and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....

[carcarrot]

ok i posted this yesterday and watched the movie this morning and even knowing the movie was going to do That it was still so whiplash-inducing. why did they do that

learning that when i watched the beginning of a movie a while back (and meant to but never finished it) that i stopped right before it suddenly turns into a full-blown musical

[elliessession]

"I need you right now."

an: IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN BUSY BECAUSE OF SCHOOL UGHHH, ANYWAYS HERE YALL GOO💗 I HOPE YALL LIKE THIS! And ofc as alwayss this one shot is inspired by "Coming Down" by the weeknd!

summary: you were done doing the chores in your apartment and ellie is still not home, shes at work but you decided to text her some things that you know would drive her crazy and immediately regret it.

-> smut! d!ellie, s!reader, pet names: princess, baby, good girl, slight degrading!, cursing! And i guess thats all?

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

After hours of cleaning your apartment you're finally done with everything. 'The bedroom? Clean! The dishes? Yep already cleaned, and im pretty sure i already vacuumed the whole apartment' you thought to yourself. Now theres nothing to do. You're on your school break right now and you've already did all the things you're supposed to do.

You tried to watch a movie which never really entertained you. You've also tried this tiktok trends just to really get out of your boredom, yet nothing really helped. You miss ellie, you miss being in her arms. "Yes! Why did i not think of this earlier!' you screamed getting your phone and plopping on your bed and opening your phone to text ellie.

-----------

me: els? When are you coming homeee, imyy! :(

no reponse.

"awe, she's probably busy" you said in a upset tone, really missing ellie closing your phone, then getting a 'bright idea' that is not so bright. 'why not send risky texts to ellie? She probably wouldn't even read it since shes at work, then ill probably just remove my text when her break is near'you thought to yourself

------------

me: els, fuckkk i need you right now baby.

no response.

You giggled at the text you sent knowing she wont really read it.But the thought of her actually reading your texts and knowing what can happen. "Err.. lets go send another one!" You said.

-----------

me: els, baby please i really need you right now.

me: els, please. I miss you, can you text me back baby please. Fuck i need you so baddd

me: ;)

typing..

"holy shit!, Shit she saw it, im doomed for fucks sake" you say with a slight panic in your voice.

------------

els💞: hey baby, missed me that much hm?

me: fuck yes i do.

"shit, just go with it lets just end what i have started" you say to yourself.

------------

els💞: baby yk you're really turning me on rn.

me: oh? thats a good thing then.

els💞: babe stop.

me: whyy? do you not like it when im bold hm?

els💞: fuck this.

me: hm? Im all alone baby. I need you.

read.

"shit is it her break right now?" You asked yourself looking at the time in your phone "3:58pm" "its not her break yet, her breaks are in 4pm since i know shes in her night shift right now." you asked your self.

what do you not know is ellie actually left early to buy you gifts, she was buying you your favorite food at the time you texted her.

------------

*ringing*

els💞: pick up your phone.

read.

"shit im in trouble" you say to yourself picking up the phone.

—–—–—–—–

"els?"

"im on my way home."

"d-dont you have work?"

"shit, you'll understand later baby."

"what do you mean?"

"your messages. Shit you've been driving me crazy."

*silence*

"wheres your boldness now? Hm?"

"fuck you els."

"you'll be fucking me later princess dont worry."

"ugh i hate you."

"pretty sure you dont baby"

*hangs up*

you can imagine ellies stupid smirk on her face, knowing you're literally folder right now.

A few minutes later your door opened and guess whos there. Ellie, you tried to play it cool like you didn't just drive your girlfriend crazy. "Heyy baby! I missed you!" You hugged her, ellie well.. was not playing with you. She took off her shoe and placed the things she bought for you and kissed you.

"you dont know how much you.. fuck youre driving me crazy all day."

ellies kiss deepen as her hands moves up and down from your shoulder to your waist, you tried your best not to moan from her touch.

a moment after there you guys were. Your laying at the bed and ellies there, between your legs..

"f-fuck.. els.."

and there she was. Coming down, right now.

infront of you.

"you're such a slut for me baby. I love it."

you closed your legs as she said this

"no need to be shy now princess, be a good girl for me hm? Show me your boldness."

"els please.. just.. fuck me please."

—————

"eat up now baby"

"els i.. im tired okay"

"shh, you were begging me for more earlier." She laughs

"ugh i hate you so much."

"thats not what you were saying earlier when i made you cum, hm?"

"shuuutttt upp"

-----------------------------

an: ANDD TADAAA I HOPE U GUYS LIKED THISS💗 AND AS ALWAYSS SORRY FOR MY BAD GRAMMARR, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGEEE, YOU GUYS CAN ALWAYS CORRECT ME THO!💗

[ultra-raging-ghost]

op the best thing your parents can do is get the divorce bless, im sorry about the fighting :( i get you it's the WORST but at least you got to play a cool game🔥🔥 now cmon spill some batjokes go go go

this is the FUNNIEST ask to get without context and i feel like im finally living up to the expectations of an ao3 author, also ty anon i was just super fucking stressed, i got an hour of sleep sunday night/monday morning and then when i was at my friends place i crashed really hard and slept for 14 hours straight and it really helped but anyway okay BATJOKES

okay so i played both seasons i dont have a pc myself but my friend does and they have both seasons and brooooo..... i played the vigilante joker route and i loved it

i sacrificed the FUCK out of catwoman im ngl.... my friend was so surprised but dude i was SO DOWN BAD FOR JOHN!!!!!! IDGAF !!! i was so down bad for john the whole time dude and at the end it was like "oh you were manipulating him into thinking you liked him to get info" NO!!!! I WANTED TO FUCK HIM!!!!!!!

when harley debuted i chose the option of asking john if he was in love with me AND HIS ASS SAID NO BUT ISTG HE WAS IN DENIAL!!! PURELY BECAUSE HE BELIEVED HARLEY TO BE HIS SOULMATE, SHE HIT HIM SHE DOESNT DESERVE HIM LIKE I DO !!!!!

like at some point with catwoman i chose something like against her for john and i was in the MINORITY like it was a 95%/5% Ratio and i was in the 5% and i do NOT regret that shit ‼

otherwise aside from my mental illness about batjokes i had a lot of unpopular opinions according to the peanut gallery (my irl who was watching me play it) like im ngl i gave up batman to keep alfred like HES OUR DAD???? THATS OUR DAD RIGHT THERE AND HIS POINTS WERE VALID, IMMA LISTEN TO HIM HES SMART IDK.....

Otherwise dude... i felt SO bad for harvey (2face)!!!!!! aside from his main storyline (i was very merciful and understanding with him, actually i saved him over catwoman in that one scene so his face didnt get fucked up just his arm in the fire) i read his file on the gotham news reports and dude..... like everything surrounding him is just SO SAD

Also i cannot say this enough tbh i side with mr. freeze every time.... i may be a sucker for romance but that man was trying his hardest to save his wife and from what ive seen he does that in every iteration of batman, like he becomes a villain and gets into illegal shit because his wifes sick and idk man..... like even if he is a villain i really empathize with him??? in the playthrough i offered to keep his wife safe and alive and i took mercy on him when he got infected with the virus and i froze him, like i have confidence in him idk.... i know he probably died bc it turned out the reason the riddler survived was because of the cure that also made him go insane but like my fingers are CROSSED!!!!!

also will say the only thing id change was i was kinda iffy about taking that selfie with john at the funeral, like i didnt do it but idk..... afterwards i thought abt taking that back like dude i NEVER WRONGED that man!!!!!! he was my POOKIE!!!!!! and i lowkey feel like him going crazy in the vigilante route was pushed for by the writers bc it felt a lil.... idk..... like forced but i get it its part of the story line......./silly

my friend played the villain!joker route and from what ive heard its EVEN GAYER and they let me watch them play the last 15 minutes of the villain route so i could see how differently they handled selina and that doll scene was kinda.... idkkkk 👀 like heyyyyy/f

i also heard theres a line from harley in the villain joker route about how he could never get over me and how john always liked me better than her which was SO satisfying because i made batman so jealous over her and john hanging out like im ngl i was so up harleys ass in s2

OH OH other thing id change, i wouldnt sip from harleys slushie, i didnt understand why she was offering it to me but now that i know i wouldnt take it ngl, making john jealous was not worth that slushie !!!!!

uhhh thats all, ty anon :D

[docilepillow]

MARCH 2024 MEDIA DIARY 2

I ran out of embed space on the first post i had slotted in for this!!! So i'm making two posts!!!!!!! They belong together!!!! Okay!!!!!!! PIZZA TOWER < this game is soggy goop >

Even though I cleared a good portion of this game nigh a year ago now, i still feel compelled to put it on my media diary now, as i've only just got around to finishing the game properly! I believe the point i dropped off the game before was at Pig City, which, i think , is kinda understandable given how big that level is, but, was probably a real bummer for the whole of my friend group who were super into the game when it was new and i probably missed out on talking about it alot with them... POOP!!!! just because this game is popular enough to actually warrant talking about it with my friends later, instead of saying stuff like how i enjoyed the silly cartoony art stlye and the games general charm, im just going to post a level tier list i made the second i beat the game at like near midnight kinda hazy-minded without thinking on it too hard without thinking too deeply in a way thatll be completely inflamitory bc im mostly satisfied with the experience i had and dont really feel the urge to P rank anything --

The stats are saying my total hours round up to 6 hours 50 and pepinno is pointing at me Aughh

My , , Errr, " CRITISISM " of this game is that the funny pizza man is a little, erm, STICKY? Kinda gross. a little weird. Partially my fault. I'm sowwy. I'm not very good at this game but i absolutely respect everyone's opinion on it . Go watch my friend @shoppncart's speedrun, by the way, it's cool :

Speedy! THE MARIO MOVIE < the bario boooby geheheheheheheh >

this is probably a tired opinion but since i was subjected to this movie for the fifth time in a voice call my take is thaat this is probably more enjoyablel then the safeass illumination film. like. yea. that films probably objectively better but. id rather watch something thats an actual adaptation. like this movie. where basically nothing mario happens outside names . Aw. i honestly think this movie has intrigue to it genuinely maybe im saying this bc its one of the movies ive actually watched repeatedly before, like roger rabbit, but i think the history behind this movie and the old anamocity turned-endearment are what make it worth watching. that and its a little goopy You Guys Wanna See Some MM2 Proggys? not a new piece of media technically but ive been playing a fuckton of MM2 recently still as of the end of the month and its absolutely dominating my time as of late, and i kinda wanna show off a small amount of the progress ive made on it, as much as the world map, at least --

It's a media diary. it exists to document MY gaming life. Deal. anyway in regards to it i'm almost finished with the world 4 castle, which is crazy, because before i hadn't even finished world 2, but now i got all of this creative energy in me... If i finish this soon enough, i'd be able to upload it on NSO, so keep your tumpler eyes peeled, mutrals :J I personally like it because theres a theme of aescending on the world map. The space theme in this looks the best, i think.. THE ALCHEMY OF US - HOW HUMANS AND MATTER TRANSFORMED ONE ANOTHER < what the fuck ????? a book ??????? >

yea thats right im reading books this ones actually pretty good apparently a 2020 bestseller though im not in the habit of reading those often so i'll just have to take their word for it on that aspect. i think lifes all about trying new things so around halfway through the month i picked up this cool book i found at my library and got a library card. After reading through it all, i think anecdotally that this book is a very neat read. theres a few sentences that're a little offputting to my young mind but overall the book is filled with alot of cool insight i reccomend checking out if youre the boooky type of person! i think its very good and im glad i picked it out :) i donnu how many of these will be going onto my media diary in the future or anything , but maybe i will if i end up reading more! I'll have to make it up to a friendd for waiting till now to put up something i read here first before that thing she likes. oops.

Volp. OUTSIDE of the traditional media format again, also, are things i largely started on this month but don't think i'll be making all too much more progress in, or if i'm unsure i'll finish what i was doing all in one month- CASTLEVANIA THE ADVENTURE- REBIRTH

POINT OF DROP OFF - STAGE 4 END BOSS REASON BEING - UMMM SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED AND DIED TOO MUCH

castlevania rebirth is a really really cool game. its really cool and im not typing this as fresh as everything else because it was something i picked up for one big sitting earlier in the month. i probably couldve finished it at any point during the week, but simply was too distracted and wanted to do other stuff. It's very cool though, i love the vector sprite art, and there ARE silly stock sound effects everywhere, which is always a big positive for me . I mostly just like how snug the wii classic controller is , and this is a cool game to play it with considering its one of the only non virtual console or old game collection style games available for wii in this exact style ( Not counting the good handful of games that choose to use the wiimote on its side instead. )

over all ill probably sit down and finish this someday soon i just gotta like find time for it whenever next my wii u is plugged in ( it fights for an hdmi slot with my switch and ps4 all the time...! ), and ill probably end up trying to play punch out wii at the same time, given one doesnt dominate my attention over the other. From my understanding they're both short, though, so it shouldnt be too big a deal or obstacle no matter how long i put this off. RANDOM TERRARIA PLAYTHROUGH terraria playthru 1million

ii just really want to see the new terraria update Waaaah... i stopped having fun because i self imposed myself to not use setbonus armor sets at the part of the game where that stops being acceptable anymore so im stopping i think i did get to make another terraria pet though that makes me happy POINT OF DROP OFF - the mechanical bosses

also the most recent thing is

i got too tense and needed to excuse myself after like an hour 30 i cant take too much tension in movies i was really uncomfortable and had to leave to take a breather bc the main character gets put in a really really shitty situation and it was getting hard to watch for my autistic ass

thats enough i think thanks for coming see you next month lol

[slytherinshua]

HELLO!!!!

so ive been dead for a couple weeks (okay im sorry but school is kicking my ass)

BUTTTT IM BACK!!!!

And SO ARE YOU!!!

zanna pls the hao fic 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

idk whether to cry or kick my feet bc wTFFFF

how are you so g o o d (you obviously worked super hard and thats so cool of you)

ALSO

CINEMA PARADISE AND 19.99 CB!!!!!!

okay so i heard good so bad right? amazing song. 10/10 and thEn i watched the mcountdown kill the romeo performance and immediately went wHOA because why did that song hIT SO HARD LIKE?!?!??! Cinema paradise is such a ricky era (to me) bc his aura was off the roof he was so super noticable (even though he was worried bc of the hair dyeing :( he still stood out so much!) Also hao was so super good zb1 keeps getting better!!

OKAY NOW LISTEN

IM NOT THE BIGGEST ONEDOOR AROUND HERE OKAY BUT IVE LISTENED TO THEIR ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY AND WATCHED ALL THEIR PERSONAL CONTENT AND CAN I JUST SAY DANGEROUS AND NICE GUY ARE SO GOOD LIKE BND NEVER MISSES WHAT THE HECK

Taesans line in dangerous had me actually pulling out my earphones bc wtf why was that so good i was h o o k e d the secomd that song started and then nice guy was just also really good like?!?!?!? H O W do you slay that hard like whoa

ANYWAY HI ZANNA I MISSED YOUUUUUU

im glad you're out of your mini slump!!! (i have so many ideas and i want to write but i have no t i m e!!! i dont like school 😐)

-🌱 (bc you said youd miss this <3)

im sorry i rambled on a bit but yeah !!!

HI HAFS OMG!!!! omg it has been a while but dw i understand :((( school is out to get us all istg im so tired and its only the beginning of the year... AND LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS GOING CRAZY W THAT WRITERS BLOCK HOLY SHIT LIKE I COULD NOT FUNCTION WITHOUT MY DELUSIONS BEING MY ESCAPE 😭😭😭😭😭😭

BUT AAAA IM GLAD U LIKED IT <333333 thank you ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ ugh i remember like before i even properly stanned zb1 i was thinking about which members would fit studio ghibli boys and let me see if i can remember all the pairings.... honestly i think these ranged from most accurate (first 4-5) to zanna is running out of ghibli boys to assign

zhang hao as seiji

i think i had taerae as tombo back then but now i feel like it fits gyuvin more :((

NOW RICKY AS HOWL CAUSE WHO ELSE WOULD HE BE

and yujin as sho!!! cause look theyre literally the same skdfjksd could 100% see yujin in an arrietty storyline to me hes just the embodiment of teen youth like coming of age stories rly fit him so well

gunwook as pazu bcuz i have to satisfy my childhood crush and my current crush (also they look the same fight me)

honestly jiwoong as jiro???

taerae as asbel now (literally i don't remember anything about asbel but they look kinda similar so we're going w it)

hanbin as ashitaka bcuz i just think theyre both hot like that 🤕🤕🤕

which leaves matthew as sosuke cause i haven't watched the boy and the heron yet so idk whether that might fit better but yeah... BUT TELL ME WHY THEY KINDA HAVE SIMILAR VIBES ANYWAY SO??

now can we also appreciate how i tried to match the pics as close as i could thank you thank you anyway enough abt zb1 and ghibli boys

YES CINEMA PARADISE WAS SO GOOD!!! good so bad literally their best title track to date AND SAME W BND. i think nice guy is their best to date and ive seen a lot of ppl who like dangerous more than nice guy which is valid i also love dangerous BUT IMO NICE GUY IS PERFECT AND BETTER THAN DANGEROUS???? 👹👹👹

ricky will always stand out no matter what !!!!! even tho his hair was plain it still drew attention to him like the contrast of black hair to his skin is crazy and he looks like a whole prince (when does he ever not) BUT OMG HAO IN THE MV WRECKED ME SOOOO HARD like i think good so bad mv is the reason why hao is #2 in zb1 ranking for me rn skdfjskdfs ALSO CAN WE TALK ABT PURPLE GUNWOOK CAUSE NO IM STILL NOT OVER PURPLE GUNWOOK even tho hes had it for a while now i still look at it and then die skdfjksdhfks

IF THERES ONE THING BONEDO WILL DO ITS RELEASE BANGERS EVERY TIME!!! i swear they always stay true to their sound and concept and i LOVE that about them. every song feels SO boynextdoor but at the same time they try different sounds and tell different stories with each song. i also just adore their storytelling in their mvs and songs its so good every time!!!! and im excited to see what they release next bcuz it seems theyre doing a youth concept now that theyre done their falling in love trilogy

awwww nooo i hope u find time soon 👹 it can be so hard to find time to write sometimes istg.... but you'll manage i believe in u !!! KSDJFKSD I DID MISS IT OMG

[hamburgerslippers]

Rules: shuffle your “On Repeat” playlist and list the first 10 songs.

Danke for the tag @kieropal MWAH MWAH MWAH i love commenting on the music that makes me crazy. So many of these are Blorbo From My Brain songs. God.

1. For The Best by Gregory and the Hawk

IS IT A CRIME TO WANT SOFT AFFECTION AND LOVE??? ITS IT A CRIME TO really hope you're on at eight with no commercial breaks and the sofa sinks underneath our doubled weight IF I LOVED YOU, LIKE IVE LOVED YOU FROM AFAR, IF YOU LOVED ME, WHEN YOUR SKIN WASN'T SO HARD.

2. My Body Is A Cage by Arcade Fire

Gnawing at the bars of my cage or whatever.

3. Eva by Yeule

One thing you can trust me to do is weep to a Yeule song on the reg.

4. Soul Catcher by Yeule

What did i tell you? Anyways this give Aiden Pearce laid flat in the snow dying vibes. Ya know what i think? I'm so unwell-ly obsessed with him cuz i never got the catharsis of watching him die. Thats a thought to ponder at another date and time. anyways.

5. Day Dreams by Vida

I don't fuckinggg know how i found this song but *Pukes Up Blood* THIS IS VERB'S SONG!!!! IMAGINING HIM Getting chased by his death (by his own hand) to this??? goes crazy. This just encompasses World Only (Un)Holy Ghost Filled Man as a whole story.

6. Poison Arrow by Yeule

AGAIN. What did i say? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEE LISTEN TO YEULE!!!!! They are my everything.

7. Different This Time by Cornelia Murr

Okay but dancing in the livingroom with someone to this at night???? A dance that toes the line between swing and a simple slow dance???? *crumples to the floor screaming* plEaSe.

8. While I Can by Keaton Henson

It would not be an on repeat playlist for me without a Keaton song on it. I WANNA TELL YOU WHILE I BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA KID OR TWO!!!! I WANNA LIVE WITH YOU!!! I WANNA LIVE WITH YOU TILL WE DIEEEEE!!!!!

9. Carrion Comfort by aeseaes

the vocals of this song are insane. holy FUCK. this whole song drives me directly into a different world.

10. Love Songs on the Radio by Mojave 3

Okay closing off sickeningly. OKAY. Someone slow dance with me right fucking now.

tagging: @springcatalyst @slaasherslut @rottent33th and anyone else PLEASE. brain off rn.

[causenessus]

hi my dearest loveliness !! good evening afternoon OR morning I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUVE EATEN!! i literally just woke up (it’s 3pm…. my parents literally watched me come out of my room and were like ???)(you just woke up???)LMFAO BUT BUT i’m back to work tomorrow so i wanted to sleep in a lot today(I HAVE A 9-5:30 RIGHT OFF THE BAT)(MY WORK HATES ME??)but omg i just saw the ask from sav(sorry am i allowed to call her that too)(IM SORRY IDK) and i was like AWWWW “you and your mango anon” I AM NESS’ MANGO ANON idk why i thought it was so cute and sweet like YOU GIGGLE AND READ THEM?? THATS SO CUTE?? IM GONNA EXPLODE?? but let’s all yap together this is yap central(a safe place for yappers)

omg last night i got so many notifs if you answering every ask bat to bat and I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I WROTE A LOT YESTERDAY BUT YOU STILL ANSWERED EACH ASK WITH LIKE SO SO MUCH PASSION??(idk if that’s the right word) but you always answer each ask with ur heart like non of it is halfassed(sorry am i allowed to swear)(IVE BEEN REFRAINING FROM SWEARING BECAUSE IDK I DONT THINK IVE SEEN YOU SWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR SMAUS???)(or idk i’m crazy i think i’m crazy)

I WOULD SHARE WHAT CONCERT IT WAS LIKE I WAS GOING TO but i was like omg i’m gonna dox myself LOL BUT actually you know what’s so funny i don’t even live in the states(LORE DROP) ALSO DECLAN MCKENNA?? THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE HIM i think he’s on tour again right now?? or just performing right now (I THINK) im pretty sure i saw on ticketmaster! i would 100% go but literally my bank account is decreasing a little too much for my liking and it’s time to lock in and go ultra saving mode LOL BUT OMG MITSKI??? stop it if i was rich i would 100% fly over to your state and buy tickets for you and me and we could go together and have our losing dogs moment(on repeat by eggy always in my heart)(literally one of my fav smaus LOL)

ness i will read every single part of your response LITERALLY I WILL READ AND ABSORB EVERY PART SO do not worry your pretty little head(as i said this i imagined myself tapping your head with a pretty little fairy stick)BUT OMG ME AND YOU WORKING AT ILLEGAL AGES(actually actually hold on)okay because i started working my retail job when i was 15 but i was like a week away from turning 16 but they accepted me anyways? idk it’s kind of silly but i remember saying i was 15 but turning 16 in a “few days” (i think it was a week and a bit) and they were like mmmm okay! here’s your training days blah blah blah LOL listen i really wanted a job… i always felt bad asking my parents for money so i was like you know what ILL get my own money(here i am 2-3 years later still trapped in retail)also i totally get the hostess thing because my friend works at olive garden as a hostess and like it SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL? because like… you’re kinda in control of how much tips a person gets? (if that makes sense) and it just feels ITS TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME TO FANTOM LIKE i cant i feel like im too much of a people pleaser where id just be like oh! oh you don’t want this table? okay! oh i have you too many tables? i’m sorry! my bad! let me do it! ALSO IDK i hate fixed schedules like i like the random rotation every week LOL like it’s kinda a surprise!! like omg what days am i working today type of thing you know! BUT OMG THEM KEEPING YOU ON STANDBY IS CRAZY AFTER YOU QUIT LOL they love you so much they want to keep you <3 i can’t blame them <3 ness is a very lovable person <3 but restaurant environments are different from retail idk how you do it like I APPAUD YOU AND EVERY OTHER RESTAURANT WORKER because like dealing with hangry people everyday like… i already deal with impatient customers which make me wanna pull my hair like i remember one time during this rush we had everyone on cash like everyone on the tills right and this guy came up to my till and he’s like “yall need more workers” LIKE CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE ON THE TILLS RIGHT NOW??WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST !! and i was deadass like “haha sorry….. would you like a bag for 50 cents?”

ALSO YOURE SO BUSY WHAT?? your schedule is so jacked up HOW DO YOU DO IT??? like literally uni + job AND THEATRE??? and also the fact that you have more than one job?? PLS PLS PLS EAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LOVE YOURE GONNA BURN OUT </3

omg if i worked lights with you it would’ve been so so so much better like i’m not discrediting the light people i worked with BUT it was the fact that they were a year younger right so they didn’t really know what they were doing since all our light crew graduated and for some reason people didn’t like doing lights as much? so they were just first years doing lights and i had to help out a bunch and kind of guide them BCUZ IDK WHY MY TECH TEACHER DIDNT DO IT RIGHT so i had to focus on sound PLUS helping the lights people which i don’t really mind too much when we’re just having rehearsals but like during shows i was a little more stressed because they weren’t that confident and was always asking just to make sure and it was 100% not their fault of course but I WAS STILL STRESSED and doing my hardest to help him while trying to also keep track of where the play was(sorry very messy)(i too am like you and i do NOT proof read these whatsoever) IF I COULD I WOULD DROP EVERYTHING AND FLY THERE !! we could be the light + sound duo because i literally miss my tech days like i lowkey thought about doing it in uni but IDK WHY I DIDNT !! I SHOULDVE !! also another suna smau would heal me (LMFAO NO PRESSURE) BUT I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI?? like they all have my heart(especially kita and osamu like oh my god)BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DO I THINK ILL CRY LIKE “OMG THATS ME GUYS” “I AM MANGO ANON !!!” BUT you have sooooo much stuff lined up so DO NOT WORRY TOO MUCH!! what you’ve been giving right now (TRY AGAIN AND TONICS <333) is already so good like the idea and concepts AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO AHH

THE CAST NOT BEINF ABLE TO PROJECT THEIR VOICES ARE SO REAL !!! maybe i’m just saying this because i only did plays in high school right so it was a bunch of kids right but it was soooo frustrating because like SPEAK UP but also the fact that some cast got better mics than others? like tell me why i can’t hear this lead but i can hear this random person playing a citizen like?? BUT LITERALLY WHEN MICS DIE I LITERALLY WANNA JUST FALL TO THE FLOOR LIKE and the director is just like “keep going” LIKE DONT KEEP GOING WHAT? I CANT HEAR? like i literally feel like i have to focus my energy like some type of anime character to my ears just to hear a SNIPPET of what they’re saying but then sometimes i get in trouble for missing cues </3 LIKE I’M SORRY IT ISNT MY FAULT LIKE MAYBE GET BETTER SPEAKERS AND MICS?? also not you literally running the whole tech crew like rewiring the motherboard and climbing stuff like ness mvp tech girl LOL BUT I GET NOT WANTING TO THINK ABOUT THOSE TIMES LIKE i swear all tech/cast crew environments are SO toxic like i literally remember one of the cast fainting because like we literally got no breaks at all so she was probably overwhelmed with the lighting and everything else then that’s when the director was like ok… let’s take a break like YOU THINK??

ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT if the previous men i’ve talked to is on tumblr reading cutesy little haikyuu x femreader stuff THEN THATS ANOTHER PROBLEM(NO STOP I LITERALLY GIGGLED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID THAT LOL)(everytime i read your responses im always smiling and giggling like i always reread it too LOL) but omg ness… the quarantine online gaming breakout season is such a canon event like BECAUSE ME TOOOOO LOL(we are so soulmates) mine was a mix of minecraft and roblox and I LITERALLY MET A WHOLE GROUP ONLINE TOO IT WAS CRAZY the ptsd flashbacks is so real but THATS SO GIRLBOSS OF YOU LIKE YES!! CALL MEN OUT ON THEIR SHIT!!(sorry swearing again) BE NO MANS PEACE!! i will literally find him and politely beat him up for you <333 TIME FOR LORE DROP AND IF THE PERSON READS THIS THEN ??? WELL ??? oh well LOL but anyways so i was in this little online group idk i kind of just found them through twitter and i was like WHY NOT so i became friends with this guy he went by socks(discord names are so real)and like we got really close right and like he was the only person i really VC’d with (AND AND TO BE FAIR I THINK ITS BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE BABIES OF THE GROUP) like we were the same age while everyone else was like 19-25ish now(idk what i was doing hanging out with them as a minor but oh well)(i’m 18 now so it’s ok!)(but i literally don’t talk to any of them now LOL)but i remember this one specific conversation where he was like teaching me spanish?? because i don’t know i was teaching him viet too so it was just a silly little thing and i translated it(this was through texts like i still have the screenshot LOL) and he basically confessed to me through text in spanish right then afterwards they were like JK JK JK!! IDK idk if it was real or not but we drifted a lot after that so idk! sock if ur out there !! im sorry !! to be fair though they didn’t give me a chance to reply because i had to translate it then when i came back to the chat they were like IM JK IM JK SO idk! I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW!! also i will def report back when i get a poke bowl but im very very picky about the way i eat raw fish bevause sometimes it’s okay but when there’s an overwhelming amount i kind of get scared and im like hmmm maybeeee.. not this time… LOL It really depends for me!! but maybe ill try the imitation crab one if i see it!

AND UR SO RIGHT ONE DAY I WILL COME TO YOU AND I WILL BE UR GUARD DOG AT WORK !!! i’m glad yesterday was better! hopefully it keeps getting better, i will fight off the bad omens for you ness i will stand in the front lines fighting them off I COULD NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU but i will be a tiny tiny bit upset because I WANT YOU TO EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !! eggs and toast is so real but don’t worry :( a meal is a meal and you did good by getting up and making yourself something small! little steps are okay, i will be here along the way so don’t worry! take your time <333 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY!! (it literally took me an hour to write this because now it’s 4:30)(BUT i did eat in between writing) I HAD RICE AND CHICKEN YIPPPPEE!! i had to take a little break to eat then i continued writing LOL(but so real on saying ill go back but you never do because … me too)(i’m too lazy to look back on what i wrote so ill just trust myself) (mango anon loves you very much pls take care of yourself) (ALSO) i just realized i could make the font smaller (thank you again sav for the idea) so it would be easier to scroll pass these LOL BUT ANYWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT AND REST WELL !!! xoxoxoxo

HELLO MY LOVE!!! MY DAY WAS PRETTY OKAY!! BESIDES THE CAR CRISIS OFC 😭😭 AND PLEASE WAKING UP AT 3PM IS SO REAL I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE </33 AND ESPECIALLY IF U WORK A 9-5:30 TOMORROW DEFINITELY GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN GET!! REST UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLS <3 MAKE SURE TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BRING PLENTY WITH YOU TOMORROW AND PLEASE EAT!! and don't apologize at all you're def okay to call sav sav as well (i'm pretty sure!!) AND YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON <33 AND I LOVE U SM!! AND I LOVE UR PARANTHESES LMAO THEY'RE SO CUTE <3 YES YAP CENTRAL!!

AND omg mango anon i just have to tell you like how honored i am <3 like i feel so seen by you!! the way you see the passion in my writing and like notice that i don't curse outside of my writing pls :(( my face is literally going :((( rn /pos i try not to curse outside of my writing just bc it's not my thing!! but ofc you can and like sometimes i still do!! definitely do whatever you want AND SORRY FOR ALL THE NOTIFS YESTERDAY AND TODAY SINCE I'M DOING THE SAME THING LMAO 😭 i'm the one that lets them bunch up so dw about them at all!! and mango anon i genuinely love talking and replying to you so so much AND I'M REALLY SO THANKFUL FOR EVERY ASK FROM ANYONE SO OFC I'LL BE ANSWERING IT WITH PASSION!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ENTIRELY AND I'M GLAD THAT GETS ACROSS WELL <3 I JUST APPRECIATE YOU ALL SM <3

AND YOU DEF DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT CONCERT YOU WENT TO!! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT LIKE THAT DOXXING U OR SOMETHING bc i had no idea you didn't live in the states!!! i definitely automatically assumed that and that maybe u had went to a different state since we were in the same timezone for a little bit but that makes total sense and that was my bad for assuming 😭😭 BUT AA YES!! I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND MAYBE I WILL <3 LIKE HIS TICKETS DEF ARE NOT BAD PRICING AND HE'S AMAZING!!! i'm just insanely broke and like ik he's touring with sabrina carpenter rn or something??? which is super cool and good for him!! and sabrina's cool but i don't think i'd enjoy or be able to afford her concerts 😭 and that's okay!! maybe my tickets were cheap the time i went to see him bc it was a little more niche <3 AND AAA YES I WISH WE COULD SEE MITSKI TOGETHER!! the entire crowd would be in tears over i bet on losing dogs like that's our national anthem FRFR!!!!

I WAS IMAGINING THE PRETTY LITTLE FAIRY STICK WITH U thank you for tapping my head <33 AND I ALSO READ ABSORB EVERYTHING U TELL ME SO PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! AND DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT SMALL FONT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO <3 YOU DO WHATEVER YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEART DESIRES!!! (i am giving ur heart a kiss rn mwah <3) BUT PLEASE THE ILLEGAL JOBS FR SOME PLACES BE CRAZY AND THEY STILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!! BUT YOU GET IT EXACTLY like at the restaurant i often work at we often just have a rotation with no server sections bc it's pretty small (i'd only be forced to do sections when i worked with my manager who made me want to DIE and made me cry once i literally ran out and cried next to a steakhouse across from us) and so basically i just sit people at random tables (i always ask them like "is this table okay?" and i'm not really asking them like girl i have better things to be doing than escorting you around this restaurant trying to see what table tickles your fancy the best. i just ask them so i don't sound super forward like "THIS IS YOUR TABLE SUCK IT UP." yk??) and whoever's turn it is next, they get it so i'll tell them like "table three for two people" so like I REALLY DO NOT CONTROL WHAT CUSTOMERS A SERVER GETS BUT THEY ALL COME AND COMPLAIN AT ME FOR HOW BAD THEIR TABLES ARE (probably bc they're trying to guilt trip me or be passive aggressive) BUT LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?? I'M NOT PURPOSELY GIVING PEOPLE BAD OR GOOD TABLES LIKE 😭😭 and i'm sure it's even worse at places like olive garden which are way bigger! and you have to work with other hosts and more people so best of luck to your friend she's doing amazing <3 AND YOU GET IT!! LIKE IT'D PROABABLY BE NICE TO HAVE A FIXED SCHEDULE BUT ALSO I COULDN'T DO IT I LOVE BEING SCHEDULED ON RANDOM DAYS EVERY WEEK I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING also the guy who told you you guys needed more workers??? THANK YOU SIR FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!! I HAD NO IDEA, LET ME, JUST A PERSON WHO WORKS HERE, NOT A MANAGER OR ANYTHING, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON AN APRON AND START HELPING SINCE WE NEED MORE WORKERS!! CONGRATS YOU'RE HIRED!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON 😭 I ALREADY FEEL SO BURNT OUT I'M REALLY HOPING THINGS WILL CALM DOWN AFTER SEPTEMBER IG (WHEN I STOP WORKING TWO JOBS) OR BY NOVEMEBER AT LEAST (WHEN THEATRE IS OVER) BUT WE'LL SEE </3 i'm sure things will continue to come up but i fr just want to lay down and sleep until 3pm like u did today 😔😔 that sounds so nice </3

AND PLEASE WHY IS YOUR TECH THEATRE STORIES THE SAME AS MINE like i was a run and props kid until my school's musical sophomore year where we got these three boys who all wanted to do tech and we had too many run and props kids so i was like "yk what. let me go to lights so that hopefully u three can be together" which didn't even work out bc one of the boys got thrown into lights with me while the other two were on run and props but were on opposite wings LMAO and so that was my first show doing lights which i did board op for because it was also our last show of the year which was also our like senior who knew everything about lights' last show so after that she GRADUATED and i was the one left to figure everything out 😭😭 and then the year after we lost our senior that knew everything about sound so my senior year was a STRUGGLE omg...bad times. but then i left that department a mess bc i could no longer care. like that lights kid wanted my job so badly? fine, fend for urself bro i'm not teaching u anything (sorry i am spiteful against that kid still LMAO) I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TECH IN UNI!! my junior year i was fully planning to go to school to get a bfa for lighting design (new grounds was such a self insert for me LMAO) and my tech director literally pushed me to do it but then i decided i really did not want to be in these toxic stressful environments for the rest of my life 😭 BUT IF I HAD YOU!!! I DEF ACTUALLY WOULDN'T MIND <3 WE WOULD BE THE BEST DUO EVER I KNOW IT!! WE'D BOTH KNOW HOW TO DO OUR JOBS AND THAT WOULD BE LITERALLY GROUND BREAKING!! i mean even just reading ur stories i could feel the stress of like managing EVERYTHING i am so sorry for u mango anon but i am with u completely and from one tech mother to another, thank u for ur services 🫡 (i say tech mother bc WOMEN IN STEM!! in my entire four years of high school our top of the mill techies were always girls until we had this one run and props guy ruin it 🙄 he's actually the same guy who i used to like and the one who my mutual friend tried to get us to go to prom together but like i would NEVER UGHGHGH sorry he's also so frustrating to deal with i need to stop thinking about those times and this is exactly why i didn't actually go into theatre for school LMAOO) BUT YES AAA!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON THE SUNA TECH SMAU AND I LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI TOO <33333 haruichi furudate really put his whole budget into that team like please everyone on there is so pretty and beautiful and amazing and pookie shaped i love them sm <33 AND LOWKEY i was feeling like a stage manager reader (probably usually audio head but is stage managing this show) x lights head suna...bc i think that'd just be a crazy dynamic of her lowkey being in a higher position than him and he's just teasing and messing with her the whole time..BUT IDK and ik like theatre works differently in college but THIS IS MY WORLD AND WRITING SO I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!! i also have absolutely nothing actually planned out for the smau so who even knows LMAO THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TIME </3 THERE'S DEFINITELY SO MUCH I NEED TO DO AND TOO LITTLE TIME UEFBIEWIOEGLN

BUT I'M GLAD U HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES WITH PEOPLE NOT STRUGGLING we did this one horror play (which was SUCH a mess. okay let me just say this. our stage manager full on just gave up like halfway thru and would sit next to me reading vampire books and so same lights kid that kept trying to steal my job decided that it was "UP TO HIM" to save the show HIS WORDS EXACTLY I REMEMBER HEARING ABOUT THIS when literally the entire show was going fine and so basically he was like overthrowing our stage manager and was taking it upon himself to stage manage instead and give cues and just OMG THAT SHOW WAS A MESS BUT ANYWAY) and our main character just would NOT project like she was always cranky the musical we did that year she would just not sing or talk and we were like bro...ur in a musical BUT ANYWAY she wouldn't project we literally ended up hanging a mic and putting a little speaker in the booth so we could hear her bc like it was so important that we heard her lines but we couldn't when we were in a booth behind four windows and a closed door 😭😭

AND HELP YOUR ONLINE STORIES??? I GIGGLED READING ABOUT HIM TEACHING YOU SPANISH AND YOU TEACHING HIM VIET BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP BEING OLDER WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR WAS CRAZY BUT I CAN'T EVEN JUDGE BC THAT WAS ME TOO 😭😭 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS FOR ME I'M LIKE ALWAYS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE IN A FRIEND GROUP but i cannot imagine what that guy was thinking (i LOVE DISCORD NAMES HOLD ON LET ME GO FIND THE NAME OF MY GUY i think he changed it bc it's froge now...but ANYWAY IT WAS SOMETHING LAME AND SO WAS HIS ROBLOX USER IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE DARK KNIGHT IDK) but i cannot imagine the stress socks was going thru </33 i bet he sent that and then u were like "oh let me go translate it!" and then he was like "OMG SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND SHE WENT OFFLINE SHE HATES ME" and just flipped and said "jk" bc THERE'S NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE LIKE U DO NOT TEACH PEOPLE CONFESSIONS LIKE DID THE TAMING OF THE SHREW TEACH U PEOPLE NOTHING THAT IS SO OLD SCHOOL!! (i also never proofread these and just go on tangents and for that, i am sorry </3)

BUT I ALSO DON'T LIKE RAW FISH DW AT ALL!! like they have a hawaiian poke bowl too or something with all raw tuna and i'm like...yeah i'm good actually... and so my only other choice is imitation crab unfortunately 😭 BUT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMETHING GOOD AND LIKE IT!!

MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU <3 I ATE A BAGEL HALFWAY THROUGH THIS AS WELL (you can probably tell when i started eating it bc i was only typing with my left hand and probably didn't use as many crying emojis for a bit LMAO) AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!! I LOVE YOU <3 AND I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! I LOVE CHICKEN AND RICE AND I WILL MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AS LONG AS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHIFT TOMORROW!! <3

[spirituallyunhinged]

SO in this post i wanted to kinda track myself up until now to better see my progress throughout my practice but, as my own shit memory works against me constantly, im sure i’ll remember more as i go or like randomly in the near future

also its kinda my intro for this blog atm so thats cool (this took several hours n ik im missing key stuff but like its totally fine)

Rough timeline of my practice

got really into tarot

i watched so many videos on youtube with a friend of mine during like the end of 2020 to like beginning 2021 i think it was closer to 2021 tbh (this was also so many crisis times for other things too but once i went to college n ended up on calls with my friend we kinda got into it together)

2021

bought my own tarot deck and started doin readings for my friends n myself

side note: after reading for myself like twice n had no idea about veiling i gave my friend a few — the second time i did this i ended up gettin kinda possessed by their guide it was crazy n id love to be able to do it safely but it left me mad sick n i havent figured out how to do it without the sick afterwards but yea i ended up veilin hardcore for readings for a whileee after

stopped considering myself as a being apart of organized religion

while i was raised in the christianity kinda ive had multiple points durin my life where ive fallen off or gotten back on BUT after actually fading away from it i just decided i didnt wanna deal with the labels thing — tbf i wasnt really thinking i was anyways but i just kept puttin it off so i didnt have to deal with it :)

started gettin into like witchtok n witchcraft

i was super fascinated by witchcraft n i still am

went home for the summer and decided to pack it all away so my fam wouldnt notice

ended up still on the passive learning about witchcraft n tarot but like it was very little cuz i was goin through it

went back to college n my roommate was into tarot too

this was legit the best n i did so many readings for strangers when my roomie didnt wanna

started listenin to guided meditations on youtube n tryin to meditate myself

i struggle with it so bad tho hence the guided vids but yea no i hated it alot n dropped the everyday one like a week into it (now i do more like flow state meditation n i hate it alot less i want to do the silence one but i actually despise it)

i made a protective spray for our room

i was dumb about it tho n had to use a water bottle i stabbed holes in cuz i had only a tiny ass spray bottle (this one ended up goin with me everywhere

figured out out room was kinda haunted n while bein kinda scared i was more pissy about it

we left to the cafeteria n talked about it before goin back n i ended up talkin to our ghost n then we were vibin with em but ooo before we were cool they kept fuckin kickin my bed corner as i was about to sleep for legit two weeks before i brought it up n found out my roomie saw them knock shit off the desks n we both had been hearin the corners humming fuckin randomly until we looked over there like oh it was a time

i got into makin moon water n charging everythin i could get my grubby mits on

i kept stealin rocks from the campus n my friend gave me some theyd gotten for me when theyd gone out n about into nature it was great

ended up constantly veiling and worryin about protection on myself

this was due to being overwhelmed by the energy of large crowds i got like constant headaches n it was bad :D

oh subplot of the protection i ended up using the like shield technique before i was veiling and it was effective but like i didnt think it was enough n THEN i started veiling like all the time 🫠

got really into cleansing

this is something im still really into but at the time i did it like once a week n now i do it every time im in the shower since i saw a hack about using the waters properties as well as the cleansing stuff so yea that was it for me so yea while i still cleanse when i feel like i need to usually i cleanse myself everytime i shower

got into candles and candle magic more

bought some protection based books

i def read them but like ehh i use some of the things from em but i only got two n one seemed kinda intimidating since it was very hecate based which was so cool but like idk they were that guys personal stuff n i didnt wanna intrude (?) it was weird ik but eh its fine

sun cleansing! + a lil bit of sun water makin

kept drinkin the moon water until the aries one set me off for like two days of physical shaking

i didnt stop drinkin it but like i think about it more now instead of being like welp i made it im finna drink it all rn for fun 🤩

struggled with astrology— birth charts specifically

i still dont really understand birth charts n they confuse me :) so i had costar on my phone instead for a while

durin a readin for my roomie from another friend i ended up gettin kinda possessed again

this wasnt my fault i wasnt veilin cuz i thought i was safe… i was very wrong which lead to me veilin anytime someone was gettin a reading from my roomie

got a concerning amount of obsessed about soulmates

big yikes past me was still goin through it BUT in their defense past me kept gettin weird ass intuition based things about what i think was a potential soulmate kinda situation n then that person kinda kept sendin shit into my energy n latched on a lil bit but all good now 🫡

dreams dreams dreamsss

had so many vivid dreams that seemed to hold a shit ton of messages n everythin from “the divine” which then transferred to from my spirit team lmao

incense since my roomie loved it — smoke cleansed n protected the room with salt alot

started hearin things during my roomies readings of ppl

like i started pickin up on the shit their readings were sayin without doin anything which like this was primarily through songs but also really jarring yellin sometimes

went home for the winter break n accidentally brought our ghostie with me cuz i was worried theyd be alone n my roomie was takin the plant so

at home i was able to better sense the house ghost that was in the spare room i was sleepin in at the time

2022

went back to school n the veiling had to be bumped up to like all the time

aura colors!! like had to focus on ppl but ooo was so cool

was wearing protective charms n charged jewelry all the time

used so much music in my divination (shuffle that shiiitt)

woke up late at night n saw some like bad energy tryin to fuckin seep through the celling at me

was havin issues with a girl who wanted to like take over my place to be with my roomie n im pre sure that was from her but eh

said girl asked me to help her protect her room n i did cuz u wanted to be nice

did some candle magic for her n read her tarot like all the time too

had to take a theology course n an ethics one

the theology one was really into the old religions n mushrooms n like all sorts of stuff like that n the teacher was a Buddhist so it was so good

had a dream for my roommate n it was so vivid n weird cuz i did shit i would never ever want to do

when i woke up i realizedthat we had talked about her doin that thing like a month ago n i realized what the message was actually about but holy shit weird

learned about spiritual guides some more n tried to meet them

kinda worked kinda didnt but like i was using a guided meditation off youtube so after tryin again had some success (mainly through dreams)

went home for summer again n put it kinda on pause

it was during this time that i had a dream for another friend of mine who was all up in my energy at the time n it was actually fuckin terrifying

i have no idea what the dream was about but i had it woke up scared to some tall ass ppl over my bed like sternly tellin me to tell the other person n i asked them if i told them theyd leave n let me go back to bed without the terror — they said yes n was like “TELL THEM” kinda loudly n it was actually scary but yea i frantically typed that up n sent it to the person n once i did their ppl immediately left n i was immediately okay again

went back to school with a new roomie n more into protecting my room every few months

was learning n vibing with my spirit guides oh n more dreamss

saw a figure of a lady over my roomie late at night was pre freaky at the time

when i brought it up to her she was like oh 😀

stopped protecting so hard

instead of every time i cleansed i put up shields i kinda just put em up when i really needed em — stopped veilin all the time but like i kept up with the protective jewelry n rocks

in retrospect i think ive been doin it subconsciously n when im not my guides take care of it more now which is super nice im ngl

i learned about alters/shrines n that kinda worship

used that knowledge to make an alter for my spirit guides that was in my closet

made incense offerings n various food stuff

i remember giving them a huge ass chocolate easter bunny for help with something one time

did a protection spell in a teacup that sat on their alter too for a while

used a pendulum like all the time

read some tarot at a party for like five ppl

2023(?)

also sometime around here felt called to give a smoke offering for help with something n gave it to some greek pantheon figures

i really shouldve seen the hellenic polytheism coming like dammit it was so obvious

was like giving physical offerings i think pre often before learning that you could give energetic ones without a physical offering too

i was charging the physical offerings like every time before learning about how some ppl just give energy when they cant give physical stuff

a relative got really sick n i kept giving energetic offerings n incense for like almost a month

said family member decided to not go through any more treatment n once i found out i tried giving more but after visiting with my whole family i went back to my dorm n i got this feeling n heard “2 weeks” with like finality n it was like such a heavy feeling that came with it n i tried to put it off but like i knew that was all the time she had left with us

i ended up going home n spending as much time as i could there but yea it was like two weeks later when she passed n i was really not okay about it n i was angry that i hadnt given enough to get her to stay but ik there wasnt much we could do n i think my offerings mightve helped but couldnt have put that kinda thing off much but yea oof that was rough

took a week or so where i shoved my practice away after askin about her n makin sure she was okay

after that week or two i started doin more energetic offerings

saw a relatives dog right after he had been put down like before i knew he was gone n saw him run around the kitchen then walk over to my family member id lost earlier that year

dont remember anything else rn other than cleansing all the time n energy offerings like every night to my spirit guides

2024

reworked my alter

did some protective candle magic for my friend

basically on my own so been learning n havin some experiences here n there but having trouble with specifics rn

learned more about spirit guides

learned more about other forms of divination

mainly bone throws, dice, cartomancy, n some others i can’t remember

energetic offerings every night for my guides n talkin to em them

got wayyy better at hearing my guides

became really aware of the spirits id been seeing all of the sudden when talkin to my ma

once i realized id been seein them or like their energy n i focused i could see some features like what they tend to do n hair colors specifically

got really into learning about hellenism n devotional work

granted u had learned about it before as well but i came back into learning about it with a fervor

had some spirits turn up right before i went to bed

asked them to come back in the morning so that i could read tarot on it

started doing some worship type stuff for the greek pantheon through energetic offerings n while doing certain tasks

randomly tasted iced coffee for a few hours which i never have so i asked if someone wanted an offering n got a yes so did that which was cool

set up new alter/shrine spaces

started giving energetic offerings to my new shrines as well

last week of may i gave specific offerings because i was panicking about some medical issues n couldnt sleep it was a whole thing so i reached out to Hypnos for help sleeping and Asclepius and his daughters for help with the medical thing

this was a great idea from panic filled me tbh n ive been sleeping wayyy better n feelin better

ive been givin offerings since to them along with a few physical offerings

since then ive been tryin to learn n worship in my own kinda way

also ended up on new meds (im chronically ill lmao) n then because im allergic to em i ended up overnight in the hospital haha so i ended up turning to some if the gods for help

i gave a bunch of energy offerings since i was ya know not at home n then once i was free to do ish again i poured some offerings down the sink in the hospital

ive been attempting to add to my shrine rn but since i crocheted the cloth my spirit guides’ shrine has so i wanted to do that but i made like two version n hated em so far so im still workin on it

thats it for the moment but ill try to update it as i remember or like as ish happens!

[ethernetmeep]

attended graduation. surprisingly cried less than i was anticipating, at least during the event. cried a bit afterwards, mix of realization & fear of not being able to get home safely. i did, luckily… my mother eventually came. wore a suit & tie, specifically the tie my friend gifted to me. heated up like a car in front of the sun. brought a drink since i knew if i didnt id maybe faint because of heat exhaustion. more likely nausea.

sat with an acquaintance, rambled to her. felt sick during most of the ceremony. almost puked, uh… three times. nerves hit like a brick wall. literally. nauseous because of nervousness. wanted to yell & holler but i dont have the voice for that. simple quiet ‘yay’ syllables had to suffice. brought sheldon & wiffle & chiquitito. gave chiquitito a bath before i left. got ready an hour or so early. sat outside & looked at birds in the meantime

in an ideal world i am very smart & funny & talented & talk to everyone & perfect. in an ideal world i dont get so worried my body physically shuts down. in an ideal world, i would be able to say something as simple as, “oh my gosh, i’m so happy for you! take care!” without bile festering. i try to live in this ideal world, try to be the best i can, but ive learned this is really really hard for me to do because frankly i am quite stupid. i know this is a haha funny joke 70% of the time but if i actually start gagging on nothing i know it’s probably a bad sign and i should stop overworking myself lest i actually do puke. it would not be very appealing to throw up in front of a plethora of my peers & their families. god…..

don’t even.. don’t.

[head in hands]

fine. FOR THE SAKE OF JOURNALISM! nothing else.

“I FUCKING— I HATE THEM. SO MUCH. I’M SORRY, I KNOW THATS MEAN—“

mother & other party member: “ITS NOT MEAN.”

[still reeling from remnants of stomach acid (as i did not eat anything in the morning when i took my meds which probably doesnt help this, although i didnt wanna eat then puke up whatever food it was i ate there either)] “I’M JUST— UGH! I’M SO FUCKING, I’M SO MAD.”

snippet of conversation. back seat with extra space just because. emotional & still nauseous. almost cry on the way home because of these weird things called human emotions, tears only well up; don’t actually fall. ramble to a man who knows a lot of people. miscellaneous conversations follow, like the one where i ask him if he can do anything about my favorite teacher being laid off. he says he’ll try. he…. how do i say this… knows… many individuals…. hes nice, slowly grown more used to his presence. i think if i cried with tears and snot long enough he’d be able to do many things, which is crazy & absurd but genuinely accurate. scarily accurate.

home, sitting outside & watching birds feed from the bird feeder. emptied it while i was gone. northern flicker, blue jay, blue-capped chickadee, common grackle, tufted titmouse… a wide variety. sprinkle some seeds on the ground for both squirrels & robins since they seem to not use the bird feeder much. robin right in front of me now, actually [was when i was typing this sentence]

i only made one note / doodle in my notebook during the event, but with words written & context applied its maybe better i don’t share it. saying…. heated words….. from a person that dislikes being rude unless someone is genuinely vile, is not as vague as one thinks they are. still, its pretty funny to imagine me being violent… slap thing was genuinely the first time i ever put my hands on someone like that

anyway, now theres three grackles near my bird feeder. two underneath. they’re so cute its almost upsetting, except its not. its quite nice to feel less alone

something something hi there something something oh hey i said everything now. i should probably lay down before my stomach gets worse

really happy i went, though. wouldn’t miss it for the world

[yourmoonmomma]

Thanks for always answering bby! Im glad youre doing alright! Ive been feeling quite down the past days, yesterday my day reproached me because I was "overreacting" when I saw my cat being chased by dogs (I said a strong hey to get their attention away from my cat from the window where I saw everything) and he kept on saying bullshit like why you scream so loud with an annoyed tone of voice and I felt so bad, he always get these anger explosions and tantrums and no one can tell him anything or he will get more mad and im like, dude, mine was a REACTION. You cant control that at all. What was best, to leave the dogs catch my cat and it ends in a worse situation? Man you wanted that? Like for real I felt so pissed and frustrated. I even told him that when he gets mad no one can tell him to calm down or stop overreacting. My sister, mom and I always try to be more calm and colected and try to see things in a good reasonable light, but with him truly you cant communicate at all. And whats worse is that I end up being the crazy one! So now ive been trying to ignore him and interact the less its better for me.

And on the other side, so ive felt kinda down because Taylor will come to latinoamerica but isnt going to visit my country and I saw one of my closest friends will go to Brazil to her concert and I'm stuck here in my home due to my illness, I cant even make my own money to pay me the things I want, my closest friends are busy and we havent talked a lot the past weeks, maybe I will go back to University next semester if Im on better health terms and I really dont want to see some people ive considered to being transfered to another University... I feel like everything and nothing is going on with me at all and thats makes me go all ugh :( literally my only joy during all this time has been watching series, movies, reading and listening to music. Healing is so tiring and lonely at the same time, I dont mind it generally, but sometimes its strenuous.

I wish I could get a ticket and fly anywhere and start from zero with a whole new everything. Thank you for listening and being here for us, it means a lot💐🩷🩷

(So sorry for the long emotional dump, you can delete it if its bothersome)

Of course my love!! I'm sorry I didn't answer this sooner <3

To me, it does NOT sound like you overreacted. Dogs are (typically) bigger and stronger than cats. Even a big dog playing with a small cat could be unsafe. You did the right thing, even if the cat wasn't in danger! And like you said, it was one of those immediate reactions anyway, because of course it was! Lulu sometimes just looks at the edge of the balcony in a certain way and I'll put her back inside. Or the other day, she started to walk a bit too close to my burner plate while I was making a candle and I DID yell at her, because I got scared! We don't ever want to see our pets get hurt, so it's natural to have automatic reactions like that. Ignoring your dad, or minimizing contact with him, is probably the best option here, unfortunately. I'm sorry he tends to act a bit more irrationally, and tries to flip stuff around onto you. That sounds very frustrating to deal with.

I'm sorry you can't see Taylor!! That's a shame :(( It sounds like you're feeling pretty lonely, which is an awful way to feel. It's good you have hobbies, but I totally understand why they don't always quite feel like enough. I hope you start to feel a bit better, and find some people to connect with! I hope your close friends can find some time for you as well <33

And your emotions are never ever bothersome!! Lots and lots of love for you my friend <333

[rawrtriesagain]

Long post incoming idk how to do Read More on mobile, sorry. Tldr: just a post abt my writing as usual and stuff about my interest in lwa (nothing crazy)

I know I talk abt my old fuckin fics all the fuckin time (like Jesus theyre old enough to be considered toddlers now) but anyway this is my vent blog and y’all will never hear the end of it so guess what still has an absolute GRIP over my mind after 3 years

Its forest of arcan- im jk its dreamer of stars lmaooo. I reread it right now for the funsies after months of forgetting abt it, and each time I read it I think “surely I am over this story and can move on with my life” and like the first half of the story its like yea I kinda am over it haha but then the second half just obliterates the thoughts and runs me over and I just lay in my bed and contemplate my life and go into like a State of Emotions and simply have to talk about it (but it also could be because its 4am at the time of writing this)

I do think it mostly has to do with nostalgia though. Truthfully I’m probably not able to write smth like that again because it was 100% written completely on emotion and quite actually everything bad Diana was feeling in the story was smth i was also going through so it was easy to… write a vent and disguise it as a fic LOL. But I was also running on the high of being in love with my best friend which also really easily translated to everything going on in the fic blah blah nobody remembers it but me so this means nothing to anybody and im being cringe and gay on main (not even my main)

ANYWAY the point of my babbling here is that honestly I miss having that intense amt of emotions that would spur that level of creative writing? Like yea forest of arcana (not updated in over a year) is fun and all but it definitely isnt written on a personal level like dreamer was. I also just genuinely miss writing lol and its like ok bitch why dont you write then and then its like good question why dont i?? I probably still enjoy writing more than i do drawing and i know my blogs say otherwise but the two mediums are both definitely different outlets for my life. Maybe i would change my mind the day my art is actually good tho 😛

Im laffing rn seeing me talk abt this “deep” different outlets of life cause like when u think abt it im also literally just Currently describing little witch fanfic and fanart since thats all i do LOL. Not that theres anything wrong with lwa being my Muse of course, but it just adds humor in whatever the emo hell im going on about

Another side sad mini vent but i dont think im as into lwa as i used to be which also waters down my interests in doing things, but im literally not interested in any other media or fandom rn either so lwa stays my hyperfixation. Plz dont be alarmed lol im not saying im NOT into lwa anymore since diana is still a fuckin god to me like 10/10 chara design and vibes, but its definitely not as strong as it was when i first joined the fandom 3 years ago. And you know what maybe it has to do with me not watching little witch academia in full in those entire three years after i first watched it lmao. Most of the friends ive made in the fandom are pretty much gone too which is sad but is what it is. Sometimes i get a burst of seratonin when i think about smth diakko and definitely like now when i reread my fics i also remember the Emotions i had for these Gays and it like floods back for a bit like a buff.

I think something im very interested in for both the spark of writing and also the revitalization for my love for diakko is that i wanna do like a oneshot slice of life series for diakko. Just something easy, cute, subjectively funny, and a vibe. I still fantasize abt diakko shenanigans even if mundane and i wish i could also capture it more in my art but im not at that level yet, so writing it is. First i probably need to rewatch lwa in full since ive forgotten most everything except for key diana scenes haha oopsie And sucy world episode that was a good fuckin episode.

Anyway thanks for reading this far if you did lol sorry for the LONG ASS NONSENSE POST. Sometimes i see how i type in my blog and to people and compare it to my writing and its like where the hell did my comprehensive english go. Sorry if this was just hard to read from the lack of grammar and punctuation but thats showbiz anyway stay tuned for the next diana content ttyl bffl rofl xD zomg

[baahsu]

omg hi baah itsa me J.J :] anyways WHY is writing like an actual fanfic so HARD?? whenever i do hcs/ficlets shit comes so easy but the second i gotta formulate my word vomit into actual musings?? brain go THUNK. also the fact that i elected to write this from ichijs pov (the. the hardest sib for me to write for.) is NOT helping 😭😭 first 1k is just him being melodramatic and very sad as fuck

anyways i didnt just come into your box to yell-- heres some food. and also my hesitant attempt to see what reiju would be like as anything but a dom bc ive been curious abt it:

so whenever reiju loosens her dominatrix reigns a bit niji brings out a bit of tha whore in her and she loves it :) (but also a situation like this happens SPECIFICALLY and ONLY post wci/germa cover story bc i feel like reiju would soften up on niji and yonji a bit after they showed genuine concern for her when she was in danger during wci and also bc they were literally kidnapped and presumably tortured by the Charlottes in 'emotionless excursion') this is a hill i choose to die on

like theyd just be chillin in bed together doing nothin in particular, vibing in each others presence, and suddenly niji begins running his hand up and down reijus thigh and at first shes like "aw affection attempt how cute :]" but then his hand starts moving more and more inwards and she goes *"ah."*

they dont even have to say anything bc its just an all around safe, chill environment all while nijis hand keeps moving up until it's slipped under reijus dress and underwear (if she was even wearing any underwear in the first place 👁👁)

during all this they fr just stay where they are and continue what theyve been doing this whole time, the only difference being niji now fingering reiju and she just relaxing back into a pillow and sighing happily about it

ofc after she came (niji definitely didnt send out little electric sparks on her clit periodically to make sure she squirted and was overstimulated nooo i dont know what your talking about 🙂🙂) she turned to him and said smthn like

"youre getting tied up for that later."

and niji (with his fingers in his mouth bc. yk 👁) gives a muffled sarcastic reply of "fine, whatever. why dont you invite ichiji and yonji to watch while you're at it."

and reiju just chuckles bc like. thats not really a bad idea :]]

WOWOWO sorry for all the reiju spam recently bc i know you prioritize 1234ji together over her but shes been rotting my brain sm lately its crazy. i love my wif e :,]

J.J HELLO

Don't get me started at how words just stop wording when you try to write fics because that's definitely I thing and it's frustrating. A fic from ichiji's pov tho?? With possibly going through it and feeling feelings??? Yes pls??????

Now, while you're write about me kinda preferring 1234ji together I have to say this dynamic between niji and reiju is so tasty 🤌 I love reiju having a soft spot for him (and yonji too (and also ichiji bc why not lol)) and just letting him touch her as he pleases. It's also endearing how he started slow and soft, like, he was really trying to be a good boy and not rush things

THE BEST PART THO, NIJI USING HIS POWERS??? TO MAKE HER CUM LIKE SHE DESERVES?? WE LOVE A MAN THAT KNOWS HOW TO DO THEIR JOB. Damn I never thought of that but that's a perfect use of his abilities, I can imagine reiju trained him to do just the right amount so he wouldn't overstimulate her, but he felt daring this time and took it up a notch. And you can't convince me he wasn't considering he'd be punished for it later, he knows reiju and knows that her letting loose and relequishing control like this would come with a price later)

And of course he told her to invite ichiji and yonji on purpose too, there's no way he didn't!! He's a whore after all 😌

[thatbitchsimone]

Thank you that’s very sweet, you’re very kind

I just read and observe people and then after some time I eventually pick up on their habits and the way they talk and that’s what I did while learning English

Obviously I knew English because I learnt it in school but I never spoke it and I wasn’t great at communicating in it because where I live we usually speak my mother tongue which is pashto and urdu (I live in pakistan btw)

I’m 20 so before I was 17 when I started learning, that too because I got into this phase where I didn’t like talking to people and just reading and writing and on my phone and the quarantine really helped lol so that made me learn English and eventually get introduced to all the western media

And I because I had been always very close to my family so we watched the same shows and I wasn’t really at all on social media, probably because the lack of knowing English so I felt kind of insecure being on social media if I wasn’t able to understand the stuff on it, so no idea of western celebs or anything like that (I knew the very famous ones like angelina jolie etc because once I saw her face printed on a bag while I was shopping when I was like 12 and I though she was gorgeous anyways I’m rambling!!! Now hahah)

Anyways the point is, sometimes it makes me feel like, social media and real life are two different planets because the stuff on it so flabbergasting and weird (but also it has its many good sides and effects as well like talking to people and that’s great for me cause I love talking to people) but What kind of makes me sad is that it’s not 2 different planets, it’s all the same and the people who are so unkind and crazy on the internet are among us

It’s very weird

loved reading this! thank u so much

i mostly learned english from reading and watching movies etc as well actually but then again i was very young (i was fully fluent by the time i was around 9 i think) and children pick up languages very fast and i live in sweden where american and english media and pop culture is very widespread and part of the culture (probably bc sweden is a western country and america is very dominant in western media in general) so people learn english very well and easily here like swedes are known for it and foreigners often struggle to learn swedish bc the natives all switch to english when they notice u dont speak swedish so lots of foreigners and immigrants have to straight up ask people to talk to them in swedish more so they can learn and practice it lol but i think that goes to show that the best way to learn a language is to watch and read media in that language and observe it in casual conversation rather than just go by how ur taught it in classes etc

i honestly think its a good thing that u didnt partake in social media when u were younger. i think a lot of the people that dont seperate social media from real life are the ones who started using it early so they have almost spent more time in the social media and online world than the actual real world and get less real world interactions than online ones. i think its very unhealthy to not be able to seperate the 2 and just like u said, the online world and the real world are 2 different things and people forget that they are interacting with real living humans thru the screen and thats when it gets toxic and crazy and hostile. people kind of lose their social skills when they only interact with others behind a screen and its very concerning. ive always talked to ppl online the way i would talk face to face and its always weird to me when others dont do the same bc its like would u say these things ur saying online if the person was face to face with u? if u wouldnt then just dont. its cowardly and embarrassing behavior and its just gonna rot ur brain and soul and make u lose touch with reality and how u connect to others on a human level

[theaviskullguy]

Akiza, Kalin, or Astral

okay. how about all three. ill try to keep them short and sweet

Why I like them/why I don’t

Aki- best girl. i think her story, what we got of it, was incredibly interesting. i loved her dynamics with the rest of the signers, especially yusei but thats just me being a faithshipper so. :/

Kalin- I am neutral on him. However i am still watching 5ds when i get to the crashtown arc that might change but like. hes the guy i love to hate since ive just seen him as a dark signer

Astral- okay so. i use they/them pronouns for astral because theyre an alien they should not have a human concept of gender. Anyways, i loved kinda their development over zexal! they and yuma just sorta blended together. also that voice... very nice. i want that voice.

What I like about their appearance

Aki- everything. I love her aesthetic, i love the silhouette, the color pallet... before i realized how hot it would be my renfair outfit was inspired by her which is a big compliment.

Kalin- Okay so this one user who i dont remember the name of said that the clothing of Sattelite was very punk/biker and other than maybe crow. i think kalin shows it off the best. And I Fucking Love Him For That. also i want his gender.

Astral- I think the body markings to me. There's not much to Astral's design that i want to pull out because its all so elegant and gets across who they are very well.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?

Aki- I have a Kaito-Kite/Haruto-Hart situation but the other way around. Akiza is her full name, but she goes by Aki (though Izayoi is her last name). But in terms of preference not in writing. Aki for sure

Kalin- i watch the 5ds dub because i watch it while playing zelda so i cant read subtitles. so im more adjusted to his dub name. Also i can never remember how to spell his og name.

Astral- name is the same in dub/og, so no comment here.

OTP

Aki- FAITHSHIPPING FOR LIFEEEEE literally the one het ship in all of yugioh that i ship. Its so cute and so canon. though to me theyre bi4bi so. kinda not really a het ship?

Kalin- ill be honest ive never really thought of kalin in the shipping sense. again, i really only know him as a dark signer, so i dont think im in a place to comment on this.

Astral- keyshipping. i know im basic but its cute and its just. Yeah its just cute!

NOTP

Aki- Her and Divine. Fuck Divine All My Homies Hate Divine

Kalin- same as above, ive just not thought of him in the ship sense.

Astral- I dont really have any notps with astral. The closest is them and 96 but even then i am flexible on that

OT3/BROTP (i added the brotp just so i have something to talk about for some peeps)

Aki- i havent found too many fics of it. but i have seen like one cute piece of fanart thats crow x yusei x aki and it lives in my brain rent free i think its so fun.

Kalin- again, not really a kalin shipper, but heavy believer in a Kalin and Leo Brotp for the sole reason of i think itd be funny and i have a vivid image of him teaching Leo to say the fuck word.

Astral- Them and Yuma are a package deal so if i ship someone with yuma, chances are its an ot3 with astral as well. so thats trey x yuma x astral, shark x yuma x astral... yeah.

Favourite card they use

Aki- look this is going to sound Unoriginal but Black Rose Dragon. im sorry i love rose motifs i love dragons its the coolest thing ever

Kalin- His Earthbound Immortal. i dont know how to spell it but it just has a fun name to shout and it looks so goofy. i know its this terrifying thing but also its just. Silly.

Astral- they use yuma's deck for the most part. so. Gagaga Magician. if i had the resources id totally make a gagaga magician cosplay it looks so cool

Favourite moment they were in

Aki- ROLLER SKATING DATE WITH YUSEI. IT WAS SO CUTE. i have a lot of aki moments i like but thats the fun one

Kalin- His (first) duel with Yusei. he was just so crazy i lovb him.

Astral- "Sub-observation 13a, Yuma is my Friend" WHEN I TELL YOU I CRIED THE FIRST TIME I SAW THAT.

Least favourite moment

Aki- Her duel with Yusei with her parents there. Cause like. her parents actually hurt her and i know this is yugioh but like. you dont need to make her forgive them right away. have them earn it.

Kalin- I dont really have one, so i dont wanna pull one from thin air.

Astral- youre telling me this guy got so betrayed at their naive-ass boyfriend keeping a secret from them that they turned evil? it just. it never jived with me yknow?

Would I smooch, marry or kill them

Aki- smooch. i want to kiss her gently on the forehead or be kissed gently on the forehead in a motherly way.

Kalin- theres no option for a bro-fist. i would smooch him but, like with crow, in the "kissing the homies goodnight" way

Astral- itd be hard to do any of the above on account of them being incorporeal but i want them to experience a single smooch. i would kiss their cheek like how siblings sometimes do. at least its what me and my sis did i dont know if thats weird or not

[thisisanude]

IM JEALOUS IM JEALOUS IM JEALOUS IM SO JEALOUS WHATS WRONG WITH ME I HAVE LITERAL WORMS SO MANY OF THEM SOOOO MANY WHY AM I SO JEALOUS IVE NEVER FELT SO UNRIGHTFULLY JEALOUS OF SOMEONE. TWO PEOPLE!!!! HER BF AND HER BEST FRIEND THATS SO FUCKED UP IM SO FUCKED UP IM ACTUALLY NOT A GOOD PERSON THEYRE BOTH GOOD PEOPLE WHY DO I WANT THEM TO LEAVE I JUST WSNT TO BE ALONE WITH HER WHATS WRONG WITH ME WHY AM I LIKE THIS WHY CANT I TAKE IT ITS SUCH A FEELING BAD BAD BAD BAD WHATS WRONG WITH ME IM PROB MAKING IT SO OBVIOUS IM TRYING SO HARD TO HIDE HOW I REALLY FEEL I DONT WANT TO HIDE ANYMORE WHY DO I FEEL LKKE THIS WHAT TJE FUCK HAPPENED???? HAVE I ALWAYS FELT THIS WAY AND JUST DIDNT REALIZE TIL RECENTLY???? WOULD I HAVE REALIZED IT ANYWAY EVEN IF HER SISTER DIDNT SAY THOSE THINGS A FEW MOTNHS AGO. WOULD I HAVE REALIZED IT IF WE NEVER FUCKED AGAIN. WOJLD I HAVE REALIZED IT IF MY BF DIDNT MOVE AWAY AND WE BECAME LONG DISTANCE??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHU IM STUCK IM STUCK IM SO STUCK IM FUCKED UP IM FUCKED THERES NO WAY OUT THERES NOOOO WAY OUT I CANT LET MY FAMILY KNOW IM GAY I CANT LET HIM KNOW I FELL FOR A GIRL WHEN THAT WAS HIS BIGGEST FEAR GETTING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME I CANT TELL HER HOW I FEEL BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO JEOPARDIZE OUR FRIENDSHIP I CANT TELL ANY OF MY OTHER BESTIES BECAUSE THEY WOULD LOOK AT ME DIFFERENTLY AND TELL ME THINGS I DONT WANT TO HEAR IM SO STUCK IVE NEVER FELT THIS STUCK EVER IN MY LIFE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IM GOING CRAZY I JUST WANT HER TO MYSELF I DONT WANT TO SHARE I DONT WANT TO SHARE I DONT WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY BUT I DO BECAUSE IT FEELS SO GOOD WHEN IM WITH HER BUT IT FEELS SO BAD EVERY OTHER TIME AND WHEN IM JEALOUS AND IM SO JEALOUS I LITERALLY NEVER GET JEALOUS AND IVE LITERALLY NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE IM SO FUCKED IM FUCKED OUT OF MY MIND THERE IS NO ESCAPE I GENUINELY HAVE NO IDEA HOW IM GONNA GET OUT OF THIS LITTLE SITUATION I FEEL SO AWFUL I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HER I WANT TO KISS HER I WANT TO LIVE WITH HER I WANT TO DO THINGS WITH HER ALL THE TIME I WANT TO SLEEP WITH HER I WANT TO SHOWER WITH HER I WANT TO FUCK HER I WANT TO WATCH THINGS WITH HER I WANT TO DECORATE OUR APARTMENT TOGETHER I WANT TO GET A PET TOGETHER I WANT TO WORK ON OUR INTERACTIVE ART MUSEUM TOGETHER I WANT TO MOVE TO THE WEST COAST TOGETHER JUST US TWO I WANNA DRIVE HER TO WORK AND GET HER LUNCH AND PLAY WITH HER HAIR AND LOTION HER BODY AND LIVE WITH HER OH GOD IM DOWN BAD OH GOD THIS IS SO BAD THJS IS ACTUALLY SO SO SO SOOOO BAD IM STUCK AND IDK WHAT TO DO

fuck FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!