#anyway if i do try something like that it'll probably be for set me free because if i *am* gonna do the robit floruitshow trinity

[astranauticus]

so the overall.. shape and tone of my current project is pretty much set in stone (im SO CLOSE to 50% done you guys) but i was looking through my saved videos folder on bilibili and if im gonna be doing another animatic after this one (honestly pretty likely??? given my. floruitshow obsession that doesnt seem to be going anywhere anytime soon) i REALLY want to attempt something closer to that style of animatic you see a lot on bb that employs more on elaborate editing as opposed to like............... the powerpoint presentation type beat i've got going on now

(nevermind the fact that a lot of the projects that really lodge themselves in my brain were also like collaborations between teams of people with like dedicated editor roles and i still havent fully figured out how to use lightworks. like ive also seen one man projects in this style that turn out absolutely gorgeous so i KNOW it can be done. maybe i'll go figure out if capcut is easier to use lol)

[duskymrel]

TWST characters as different people i've seen at school

yes most of this is slander

Riddle: The kid who treated being line leader as though he had just been elected President of the United States of America

Ace: Would stand up in class and shout "FOR KOBE" and throw a piece of paper at the trash bin. Would completely miss.

Cater: Filming a fucking TikTok dance in the middle of the school hallway during class transitions. Fucking MOVE, i got places to be. (I walk directly though their tiktok and ruin it)

Trey: That kid who's birthday you know by heart and eagerly await every year because he brings in the BEST desserts. The good kush.

Deuce: Says the stupidest shit in class unironically. Other guys are confused as to how this makes him more endearing but girls fawn all over him.

Azul: Passes by his crush (Jamil) in the hallway and thinks blud will stop and fall madly in love with him at first sight and will declare his love to Azul and it'll be something straight out of a teen girl movie. It ends up playing out exactly like this video: https://www.tiktok.com/@irljigsaw/video/7232906141385215274?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Floyd: Kid who only likes Chemistry because he's crazy excited about mixing chemicals and setting things on fire. Anything he makes in a lab he loudly comments on how badly he want's to take a bit fat slurp/bite out of it. (it's me i do this)

Jade: One of the mushroom core girlies. Wears mushroom jewelry, has mushrooms patterns on his clothes, draws them for art class, draws them on his notebooks and binders. It's almost obnoxious but he's forgiven by everyone because he's hot.

Leona: Literally doesn't give a shit about school. Shows up in pajama bottom's and takes the fattest nap right in the middle of Geometry.

Jack: The only nice guy on the football team, girls LUST for him ❤

Ruggie: The only class this kid liked was free and reduced lunch (real)

Kalim: Guy who refuses to eat school food. He's probably got the right idea, that nacho cheese sauce probably causes cancer. Brings the most banger lunches and makes people jealous. (Lunchables, the GOOD fruit gummies, chips, a cookie, and a Caprisun.)

Jamil: In classes where you're not allowed to eat, he's the kid who sits in the back and makes a 9 course Gordan Ramsay approved gourmet meal.

Idia: This was so easy this guy was the anime weebo who wore anime merch every day and sometimes even wore anime wigs to school. He won't admit it but he would Naruto run through the halls in middle school.

Ortho: The cute little innocent babey schnookums who the girls all doted on. Hurt him and you'll get jumped by every girl in the student body. Fuck around and find out type shit.

Vil: Bozo who would literally paint their nails in class and would be doing their eyeliner while the teacher was trying to explain mRNA.

Epel: YEEHAW REDNECK KID. you know who i mean. the one who wears a hat with the American flag on it every day and whenever the teacher tells them to take it off they go on a rant about how unpatriotic the teacher is.

Rook: The only kid who actually liked French class. Tries to rizz people up in the hallway and asks for their Snap but always fails. Maidenless behavior.

Malleus: The tall quiet emo kid who slumps in his chair on his phone, with the bottom resting on his belly. He looks like he's listening to edgy emo music but it's actually tooth rotting cheesy pop music

Lilia: The manic pixie dream girl who will spew the most wise sage advice when asked.

Sebek: Literally one of those girls who's attached to her boyfriend like a parasite. You cannot separate her. Overly loyal and won't stfu. Is like a mix between a golden retriever and a chihuahua.

Silver: I swear on my life he's one of the kids who's been adopted by his entire friendgroup. People love him he's just a likeable person. He makes a new friend and BOOM they've adopted him. You're my son now, boy.

--------

@heartscrypt i thought specifically of you while writing Azuls

anyways all of these are people i've known i've got irl sources for this. no i won't apologize for all the slander because it's funny.

[thevoidstaredback]

So, I told you guys about the Minecraft server that's been having problems lately, right? The one that I'm salty about for several reasons, one of which being that I'm not able to do what I was told I would be doing.

Anyway, our admin (a long time friend of mine) announced this past Saturday that he would be ending the project. The main reason being that the people holding big roles (I would totally [user]name drop them, but I'm not gonna be that petty yet) have been bailing out literal hours before recording happens. Two of them have even been ghosting us all!

The problem is that I don't want to give this up. This project is something Admin has been dreaming about since we were in middle school. I've been helping him with this since I was in middle school (he in high school)(he's a year older than me). I want this to be a thing that happens because, and this is a little selfish, it's something I've been wanting to do, too.

Now, I've got two options. I can continue with this on my own, get everything set up before even approaching anyone about retrying; or I can talk to the others (Admin R, admin I, admin S, admin B, and myself (admin L)) and we can work together on retrying it. Either way, we have to be more cohesive.

This is where y'all come in. I need advice. Under the cut is a message I have drafted to send to the others, or at least Admin R. Will y'all let me know what you think about it? Anything I need to add or clarify?

Any advice is welcome because I don't normally have conversations like this, but I have before.

I'm also very stubborn about this. I will be doing this project with or without the others. It'll just be faster and funner with them.

If y'all don't really care, that's fine. Most, if not all, of you followed me for my writing, and I promise stuff is coming soon. But I can't go to my other socials with this because they follow my other socials and I don't want them knowing about this until I've got what I need/want to say sorted out. Regardless, a version of this message, if not this exact thing, is being sent out by noon tomorrow.

Y'know, I was thinking about the announcement from Sat. If we want to try and pick this up again in the future, doing an actual casting call would probably be our best bet. With a hard set schedule, the world built before even looking for voices, and a storyline to follow (if we don't wanna improv our way through)

It wouldn't even have to be paid roles! A casting call between friends to see who would be best where would be fine as long as we have a set schedule that eveeyone knows to follow. Like when putting on shows for school, except the rehearsals would be recording episodes. (Same with crew calls, because having a set crew and a set cast is always good)

If we do end up going with the paid route, we'd have to establish ourselves and a channel first so we can actually pay people.

This is, of course, in the scenario that we actually wanna do something like this again. If we do, we have to delegate and communicate between ourselves, and whoever joins us, better. A lot better

I think our problem was that we held too high expectations for this project. Expectations aren't bad, they're great, even! But there's a bar that we set that we couldn't reach for several reasons.

I get it, life happens, stuff gets in the way. That's where we fell apart, I think. No one was communicating with anyone, and when people did talk, it was sporadic with hours to days between messages. Last minute schedule changes across the board that wouldn't have been last minute if we'd all communicated better.

I have the most time out of all of us, I'm pretty sure, as well as several large followings in different places. I can take on a lot more than the others because of that free time and ability to reach as long as you let me. If we want to retry this, it'll take a while to set up, but I believe we could.

[keplercryptids]

no d&d is better than bad d&d.

meaning: it's better not to play ttrpgs at all than to sit through a game, regularly, for hours on end, that you're not having fun playing! as a companion to my post about kicking out players who don't vibe with the rest of the group, i think it's equally important for players to recognize when a group isn't a good fit for them, and to bow out.

in some ways, this can actually be harder than kicking out a problematic player. 1) you don't want to be rude to your GM, who is probably a friend of yours, by sending the message that their game isn't fun. 2) if you're only in one ttrpg group, it can be extra hard to give up on that whole experience. if your only shot at playing a ttrpg ends up being a poor fit, you may find yourself suffering through it JUST so that you get to play a ttrpg.

i don't know that there's a perfect solution, but here are some tips.

be honest with your group.

honesty is often the best way to go. if it's applicable and you're friends with your GM, you could tell them, "hey, i don't think my play style meshes well with this group. it's nothing you're doing wrong, and i appreciate you including me! thank you for the games and have a great campaign!" or if there's a specific reason you need to leave, like a change of circumstance or availability, obviously just be honest about that too.

bow out another way.

if, for whatever reason, you can't be honest (maybe the group and GM are actually toxic, for example, or you don't really know each other), just politely bow out whatever way you can. "hey, i'm swamped with work and family stuff right now, and it turns out i don't have as much time for gaming as i thought, so i'm gonna have to quit the campaign. thanks for including me!"

don't ghost the group.

just in general, ghosting isn't the best or most mature way to handle ongoing social expectations, okay? let the group know you're leaving however you want, but let them know.

find another group.

there are a million different ways to play ttrpgs and there's probably a great group out there for you. this tip is necessarily vague, as there's many ways to find a new group (LFG postings, in-person game shops, through friends-of-friends, etc) and it'll require some work AND some trial and error! don't be afraid to try out a group for a bit before you decide to commit.

consider GMing yourself!

listen, this is coming from a Forever GM, but you should consider GMing and assembling your own ttrpg group. GMing is by far the most rewarding and fun hobby i've ever had. it's not for everyone, but you might not know until you try! and one of the best parts about GMing is the control it gives you to select players, set a schedule, and maintain the game as long as you want.

anyway! the takeaway here is that you should absolutely quit ttrpgs that you're not having fun playing. this is a hobby. this is something you do for FUN in your free time. it should feel fun, and not like an obligation or something you're merely tolerating/suffering through out of some sense of guilt. have! fun! with! your! hobbies!

[irrelevant-iguanadon]

Doing some concept doodles rn... franziska von karma you would LOVE the threaded cane

Anyways au rant under the cut

Okay so basically it's bloodborne but I'm swapping in ace attorney characters and changing a few things around so uh here are hy silly ideas/thoughts and feel free to dm me or reply with more ideas/questions if you wanna yap with me lol

Anyways

Things aren't going to play out 1-1 with the game just because the ace attorney characters and their relations to eachother make that uh kind of difficult. For example, instead of the mentor & apprentice/ father & daughter relationshipof Gehrman and Maria (thats how I interpretit anyways), Pheonix is going to be Mia's apprentice, and he learned everything from her instead of the other way around. That's a relativelylight example but there will likely be more extreme examples. There will be something there that fills a similar role but not the exact.

Anyways, the major character swaps right now are:

Good Hunter (protagonist) -> Maya & Franziska (they're going through Yharnam together bc I want them to lol)

Gehrman -> Pheonix

Plain Doll -> Trucy (also fills messenger role)

Laurence -> Edgeworth

Ludwig -> Blackquil

Lady Maria -> Mia

Father Gascoigne -> Gumshoe

Iosefka & Imposter Iosefka -> Iris & Dahlia

Alfred the Executioner -> Diego

Martyr Logarius -> Manfred

Master Willem -> Misty Fey

Eileen the Crow -> Apollo

Vicar Amelia -> Ema

Simon the Harrowed -> Athena

Micolash -> Kristoph

Saint Adeline -> Lana

Djura -> Klavier

Those are the ones I have thought out but they are also subject to change. I'm undecided on what to do for the Chapel Dweller and the rest of the Oedon squad, the suspicious beggar, Rom, and Valtr for Bloodborne characters (as well as others I mightve forgotten), and I want to try and include Pearl (might swap her w/ trucy for the Doll role, still thinking on that one), Kay, and Sebastian if I can find a place they fit well, as well as some other side characters like Will Powers, Adrian Andrews, etc etc. We'll see what fits where though.

Certain human (or once human/human like) characters will likely remain the same like Queen Yharnam and Queen Annalise because it would be weird to change them, and all the great ones would stay the same as well.

As for weapons & outfits, most NPC's will keep their normal weapons and clothes (with maybe some small tweaks & color changes to match them a little better) with the exception of trucy if she stays as the doll and Maya & Fran, who each will have their own player character builds (who I might go through the game with to test out if I get bored lol).

Franziska: she's going to have the Old Hunter's outfit (with a few minor swaps & the hat switched to the Yharnam Hunter gear). Her weapons are going to be the Threaded Cane (obviously) and hunter pistol at first but she might switch to the Evelyn or another gun later (idk though I never mess with the guns much lol). She might also grab another weapon as her secondary (maybe beasthunter Saif or Rakuyo) but I'm not sure on that yet. If she uses any hunter tools it'll probably only be Old Hunter Bone & Beast Roar. Basically primary dex build with a small risk of beasthood (bc werewolf Fran.... 😳).

Maya's is going to change a little more with her having a strength/arcane build (I feel like it makes sense with the spirit channeling stuff lol). She's gonna start the classic Sawcleaver until she gets Ludwig's Holy Blade later and eventually the Holy Moonlight Sword (might completely skip the holy blade depending on how I decide they progress). She's not really going to have a left hand weapon but instead is going to have a lot of the arcane hunter tools, specifically ones like augur of ebrietas, call beyond, etc (she will get them in like their normal places though). I'm still thinking on her outfit in the beginning but I think eventually she picks up the Choir Set or Executioner Set (leaning towards Choir atm though).

I have a bunch of like other plot things I'm thinking about (why they're in yharnam, great one interference, how the doll happened w/o it being mia, you know).

Anyways this was a lot of yapping that I'm probably just gonna talk about again if I post the doodles so yeah. May the good blood guide your way squad.

[justlet-melive]

here’s a question :3 uh do you have like any favourite anatomy or reference books/texts. or any tips for doing study’s??

sorry if this is like annoying or weird idk i’ve just been a little obsessed with your art lately. the way you capture shape and movement is so fantastic. you have such a talent for capturing characters personality through visual quirks too. idk like the way you draw ellie tlou is so specific. it’s not exactly on model but it’s kind of better lol. i can instantly tell most of what you need to know about her. same with your recent astarions like idk you’ve just managed to capture a real physicality about him that i think can be hard. idk i’m maybe biased but i think without any exposure to the game you could probably guess how he moves and sounds from your art.

idk uh sorry if this is worded weird i feel like i always do that LOL okay though anyways i adore your art it’s just so distinct. i’d eat it if i could. i’d honestly do a lot to capture even a fraction of the magic you’re creating. okay hope this message finds you well BYE

no need to feel self conscious about doing me a kindness in the form of gratifying to read, thoughtful observations of my fanart!!!!

thank you. very late response because i wanted to respond with some equally thoughtful advice and also let my ego calm down a bit, but..

im 'lazy' and like to keep drawing for fun as easy as possible. So i dont have any reference books hm... You obviously look at art and are able to relay to yourself and others what you saw and felt. thats the skill you should always indulge. looking at all kinds of things youre drawn to and observing why. best ref! (thanks again btw, best feeling being on the receiving end of that. to be... astarion voice: Seen in the Eyes of Another)

I have studied (and continue to do so when i get the chance) figure drawing at my community college, which was a big leap. i ended up focusing a lot on the relationship between the ribcage/pelvis/flow of the spine at that time. still my favorite part of drawing lol. During my most recent artblock i started copying muscle anatomy pages from a Morpho book as a way to keep drawing without a proper fixation. which is great because i also love the weight of flesh :^D

if you'd like my 'woo-woo advice' it's to get lost in the process and less invested in the results. and never be embarrassed. it'll keep you drawing (behind every piece of successful fanart is a mountain of scrap drawings of Fictional Guy #2378 facing 3/4 left.) and its meditative!! cathartic? personally i like to have a song/playlist to keep up the emotion im trying to work out going throughout my drawing session. helps me tell if the expression im drawing feels 'right'

and on the topic of drawing off model--!! Anytime im onto a new character i do spend a few sessions tracing their proportions/copying their models. after i figure out more or less what about their original design makes that Character i like to lose the training wheels. artistic interpretation is more interesting for me to look at and create. and i think it frees you up to better convey a feeling. the more you draw something the more you settle into 'what works' but i never set out to draw the same way twice! usually never anyway

thank you again for taking time to observe my drawings, and relaying back what you saw and felt. it honestly makes my day(s) to the point i almost feel guilty about it

[sleepymccoy]

I expect people don't really need to hear this, but I'm feeling it right this minute so imma talk about the chronology of how i write

I used to think to create a cohesive story you had to either write everything down in order, or fully plan out the story before starting so you didn't get lost. I am so glad I stopped doing either of these a long time ago

Now I just write what suits me, and if I go against an earlier scene I either rewrite that or scrap it. There's a lot of scrapping tbh

With fanfic I can kinda get away with it cos I know the characters well enough to be familiar with their emotional arc and jump around the beats pretty nimbly. It's different w original stories cos I don't know the characters so well yet. My first run at it I tried to plan AND write in order, which is the opposite of what I naturally do

Now I'm doing what I want. And I'm rediscovering how easy it is to write like this! And I'm meeting and learning who these guys are as I go, which informs everything else

My early scenes are pretty rough and dialogue/setting heavy. Not a lot of internal thoughts or opinionated observations. After I write a scene (not before!) I summarise what that scene has in it. Some are just "show what meal times are like" and I kinda know the characters are also meeting for the first time. But their dialogue is gonna change, I'm gonna write some throw away line in two months time that reshapes the whole first meeting and then I'll go back and rewrite the interactions to fit. Or put it in another scene. But I'll always have something based on this that shows what meal times are like. And that's great. Cos rn the scene is done, I've given it it's little green colour label on Scrivener, and I can move tf on. Later, I'll know these guys better and it'll be a better scene.

I know this is what a first draft is, but I always had in mind that the first draft is done when you finish the ending. But I'm on the third draft of some scenes and I'm not even at the second act. And those third drafts are my guiding rods for characterisation cos by this point they're supporting each other in this complex foreshadowing, emotional beat, cross referential ways that make the whole thing cohesive. The other scenes, well, they're place holders to keep me moving forwards. Even some of the really hot ones.

Like, the scene where they fuck in the sapling room is sexy, but ultimately is probably gonna change cos it's such a pivotal moment and I don't know how it'll reverberate yet. Whereas the scene where they spontaneously decide to try edging? That's had a few rewrites and has some cool complex emotions and foreshadowing going on, as well as toe dipping into mutual dependency, and I like it very much now. It's doing what I want and any changes from here on should be pretty small.

I can particularly remember laying in bed two weeks after writing the edging scene and going 😶 he's being too open about being upset about the day, there's no way he'd discuss that yet. And disappointedly decided to remove all of the motivating force and put that sex somewhere else and face rewriting the whole emotional beat. But I reread it and was like... Hang on... The motivation can stay as long as he lies... And then the pov character can establish some of his thick headedness in not noticing... And it's not exactly heathy... Yum

But that needed two weeks of noodling for me to realise. And now it's foreshadowing the act three plot twist! That I haven't written yet cos I have too many ideas for how to do the reveal and they're all juicy

Anyway, I'm loving being free to rewrite and change stuff constantly. And like, also gives me the freedom to drag and drop things into different points in the chronology if I wanna try it out with relatively little editing cos so far the scenes are mostly surface level.

It's good. I'm good. It's been like seven weeks of free form writing when I feel like it and it's at like 25k without breaking a sweat so. I'm happy ❤️❤️

[littleblueberryartist]

Some future Percy Jackson headcanons :D

- He never grows facial hair. Yes this is partially because I don't like drawing facial hair but also I feel like Percy would just take one look at the mirror, realise that he looks like a splitting image of his dad and then shave the whole thing off

- Percy is the malewife trophy husband in this relationship. Yes I HC him with a job (I will get to that later) but it's about the vibes

Like he literally says this in Greek heroes!

He is the trophy husband to Annabeth's successful girlboss wife and he knows it! He does the cooking and cleaning!! (His mother is THE Sally Jackson so you better bet he cooks dam well too)

And I refuse to believe that he and Sally aren't like super tidy people after living with Gabe. Like ADHD disorganization real and true just like me fr but Percy would not let there be trash or bad smells /anywhere/

- Related to the above Percy does not drink

- Percy took a GAP year actually

- Like yes he does actually try and jump back into school like he does in ToA because he is tired of godly bullshit and craves normalcy. But my guy. That is a semester of content you missed along with current school AND you're still prepping for college AND you're still recovering from the war. Something something he does this as a distraction from everything but also because he genuinely wants to have normalcy but after burning out somewhere through the year he is convinced to take a damn break!!!!

- I think the road trip at the end of ToA can still happen but like, just them relaxing and exploring during the GAP year (also redesigning Olympus is Annabeth's BABY man she's putting that over school + she has worse school records than Percy because she's been year round at camp since she was 7 I don't think school convention matters that much to her actually)

- Anyway they take a well deserved break!! (And get therapy hopefully) So by the time they get to college they are in a much better place mentally <3

- With the accomodations from NRU for his learning disabilities Percy actually ends up doing really well and gets better grades than Annabeth! I am a believer of "Percy is smart it's just that he wasn't properly accommodated and also lacked interest in certain subjects" and "Annabeth is naturally gifted and never learnt to study because she coasts through school and wings her tests" (they're both just like me fr)

- Percy ends up picking Marine Biology as a major because he's not actually sure what he wants to study (he's never gotten the chance to think about what he wanted for his future because of the great prophecy) and thinks that "hey even if it's cliche it'll be easier for me"

Cuz like I understand the excitement of finally going to a school that accomodates you and having hope that you'll get an actual chance to succeed. But also school is still hard and Percy probably just wants to get through it too sjsjsjdj. So he doesn't think too hard on it and goes with the perceived most obvious and easiest option. (Also an option he's most likely to show interest in)

Okay! Rubs hands. From here I start talking about my marine rehabilitation center Percy hcs :) (this hc is heavily inspired by this post! I really looked at it a few years ago and never stopped thinking about it lmao)

- Something something Percy is canonically the kid who used to sneak out at night to help free sea creatures in fishing nets and is best friends with Grover "lord of the wild" Underwood and Rachel "activist" Dare. That boy is an environmentalist.

- He ends up finding genuine passion in ocean conservation and gets a degree in environmental conservation along with marine biology

- A while after graduating, he sets up a marine rehabilitation/conservation center of sorts

- Annabeth, who probably makes it big as an architect pretty soon (at least in the half-blood community) designed the building, Rachel helps to fund the whole thing. Grover, who goes around doing conservation work and setting up sanctuaries to help preserve the wild helps a ton with setting up too

- The center helps out both mythical and regular sea creatures. It also acts as a demigod safe house (something something Hazel + the Hecate kids help to set up wards to keep monsters out and also to shroud the mythical aspects of the place with the Mist)

- I dunno if the staff will be only consisting of people in the know or if there are mortals too but I feel like even though the wards at the center aren't as strong as those at the camps, the prospect of a safe working environment would be pretty enticing to demigods so a bunch of them end up interning there for a bit

- speaking of safe environment I feel like while Percabeth study in New Rome they wouldn't live there. Instead Annabeth ends up building something similar to it at CHB. But rather than a whole city, it's more of just apartments close to camp with various safe houses all over the country because I feel like they'd end up vibing in the mortal world more. (Much like this post!)

- The center holds educational field trips to encourage more people to care about the oceans. (I've been on a field trip to a marine rehabilitation center before, I think it'd be something like that but with a bigger, more advanced facility)

- I actually like the hc of Percy becoming an educator to help kids like him and also go full circle with the whole "why would anyone want to be a teacher for all time" thing with Chiron in TLT. But rather than become a teacher he ends up being an educator and advocator for environmental conservation. Might be invited to be a guest speaker at schools from time to time.

- Oh also he's still a teacher in that Percy teaches swordfighting and canoeing at camp send tweet

[sysmedsaresexist]

Can you explain endogenic alters forming in a traumagenic system to me?

I'm really confused, but I wanna learn and I've seen you mention it a few times so if it's possible could you explain it? Hope this doesn't come off rude or anything, just trying to understand more

Not rude!

It's not so much that CDD systems have endogenic alters, so much as they can appear to have endogenic alters.

A lot of mixed origin systems are just... Normal DID/OSDD systems, with alters that appear to have come about in common "endogenic" ways.

Once the mechanisms are set in place in childhood, the ability to form alters is always there. It's actually quite uncommon that alters are fully formed in childhood. Many systems only present in adulthood and there are some people that have gone their entire lives never knowing. Before the internet, it was pretty common to only gain system awareness and communication after starting therapy. This specifically happened to me. Had the event that put me in therapy not happened, or I had waited longer to go to therapy, I could probably have been convinced that I only formed in adulthood, if I even realized at all. It took many specific things to be happening in the right order for me to have ended up with a very good trauma therapist at the same time as the first hints of system realization.

All of that to say, realizing you're a system in adulthood is normal, and not necessarily an endogenic only thing.

Alters can take months and years to develop, and even longer to make themselves known, and it's totally possible to form without memories of why you formed. Once the alter is finally aware and you can communicate, it may have been so long since the event that you may never connect the two. As well, alters may form behaviours and habits opposite to what's expected, making it even harder to pinpoint an exact reason. For example, an alter that finally gains full awareness four years after a car crash-- maybe you saw a commercial or heard a news bite or something equally innocuous that plucked at a memory just the right way to wake the alter up, or a fragment you've been watching grow is finally choosing a name and you're so happy to see the spark of joy in it as it tries out options. Would you expect this alter to be afraid of cars? Or would you expect the alter to be completely confident and normal about driving? Now imagine the new alter does the one you didn't pick.

All of that to say that alters can appear to have formed unrelated to any traumatic events or trauma responses.

Believing you've always been a system is also totally a thing DID systems can do. Looking back on my (few) childhood memories now, it's easy (and kind of funny, kind of sad, and kind of nice) to see the hints of some of the alters that are still here today.

If the brain decides there's a need, it will fill that need, consciously or subconsciously. That means that someone with DID/OSDD could likely very easily "create" headmates intentionally, like willowgenic alters (my preferred new term after all the discourse, so much nicer to reference a very pretty tree and free will than racism).

Or even just trick and/or convince yourself that you're doing it intentionally, because sometimes the brain is just dumb and then decides that it's upset with itself after it spat out a new part, so it'll make itself feel better by convincing itself that it chose to create the headmate, because feeling like you have any control over the situation is kind of the Thing™️ in CDD systems.

It's much easier to say that you chose to be a system than it is to give that power to anyone else.

None of these things change the fact that it was childhood trauma that gave you the very mechanism needed to create alters in the first place. You don't need to know your origins to acknowledge you have trauma, and sometimes that's enough, sometimes you don't need to dig for specifics.

Tldr Anyways, yeah, lots of mixed origin stuff is just normal CDD stuff.

[retphienix]

Oh hell yeah that feels rewarding as hell to do every single time :D

Specifically- overcoming a challenge by sitting down and thinking on it for a bit until a breakthrough build comes to mind- THAT never gets old :)

Last night I thought that I could probably overcome Eternity Betsy if I threw my entire build out and tried something else. What I didn't think of then, but I did think of first thing today, was what if I tried something I don't think I've ever done a single time in my playtime of Terraria (modded or not).

Let's actually use a mount lol

So last night my "breakthrough" idea was to try abusing a wizard empowered Spectre enchantment. The idea being that I can avoid dying long enough for the spectre balls to heal me, so I can probably outlast her.

I decided to slap the health regen armor combo on top for some extra wiggle room- I tried using the armor + shiny stone last night with the turtle enchantment to "middling but not good enough" success because for those unaware- part of Eternity mode's rebalance is MEGA nerfing strategies like that lol

In base game (and most mods) you can get some mileage out of using this set + shiny stone and just tanking in place. Eternity makes it so taking damage of any kind MEGA drops your health regen and it sloooooooowly refills to your normal rate.

Maybe you can overcome this rebalance adjustment by abusing like palladium weapons (which get health regen on hit) and slapping the palladium enchantment (same effect) together? But I haven't tested that, in part because using palladium weapons at this point would be a bad idea (and their reach isn't exactly good so their impact on this fight would probably be crap).

ANYWAY.

I slapped on the health regen armors, then I realized that I could probably make a smart accessory slot trade if I crafted the valhalla enchantment and coupled that with the witch mount

The thought being I use the mount as my form of flight, it'll "most likely" be slightly easier to dodge some of the attacks since it's normal flight controls instead of abusing powerful jumps like my normal setup (though in this fight the jumps were performing pretty damn well), but more importantly it'll free up a slot which I can slap Valhalla in to make the mount even more reliable as mobility AND buffing my healing from my potion + the spectre orbs (maybe? I don't actually know but that was part of my thought process).

And the stat buffs- I figured the new slot could be used for a variety of things, but Valhalla would both improve my mobility AND defense AND potentially buff my spectre strategy, so I went with that :)

also it gave me a dash I did not know it did and wish I had noticed because that would have been useful but it's okay lol

It worked- it was MILES easier than last night's attempts. It took 3 tries I think? But it got really close on every try and was mostly me figuring out how I wanted to avoid each attack pattern with the broom instead of my jumps I'm used to.

Sick :D

also I used Terra Blade + xeno staff as main damage stuff, but whatever, mobility and proper accessories were my main build focus

also also I tested if the spectre heal counted for the valhalla enchant "increased healing effect" effect and it does not appear so, worked out anyway :)

[deadwrites]

Well I was set to keep going on in the tags of the prev post but I think what I need to do is just make a seperate post.

The Tales of Nocturna-Illume (through the shadow of the sun) will be a pretty short cut and dry slavefic story, definitely self indulgent and the court of the gods origin story that is referenced in FNV and all other fics in my what, deadverse? how edge, I like it. It's about a secret prince slave, greco-roman-persian-egyptianesque inspired. Very self indulgent and cliche. I live for trying to make the cliche feel fresh. We see Emryth, the mc, in FNV a couple times, Book I and Book II. TTSOTS is going to be novella to novel length. I hope.

Even fire will burn itself out is euro-medieval era-ish, having Étienne--a dragon-burnt slave--going on a bit of an adventure (I HAD been considering following the hero's journey template but boy does that stress me out) that ends with him and a dragonshifter together. There are dragon hoards. There are wars. There are lots of godstouched creatures in it. Weird dragon sex. You name it. It's gonna probably be a trilogy.

Lead Bodies is what's going on on the human side of the dragonic war, specifically in the warring nation's court. It's court politics and forced relationship, with the mc, Aris, being the royal favorite/obsession. He had kids and a bad case of OCD and runs off with a knight (will not spoiler besides for saying it ends badly). I like this one because it isn't going to be an epic insomuch as the story of the grand battles etc go to Étienne in even fire will burn itself out. For Aris, I am thinking of less of what's the most epic thing happening in the world rn, and more of "why is THIS the part of Aris' life that deserves to be told". There's a fun little incubus-imp critter that he ends up with in there. It should just be a novel. A long novel.

(Man I would love to write a baroque/age of enlightenment/maybe french revolution? inspired story. I have a lot of french and euro art history under my belt so I tend to draw a lot of inspiration from that. But I need to chill with the stories until I FINISH something. Hmm. Plague, philosophers or alchemists, beheadings, powdered faces, maximalism...).

Next is The Lighthouse, which I started publishing then took down when I got serious about FNV, because it's not gonna get written anytime soon even though it's meant to be quite short (50-60k?) and is noncon FREE (?!) and about a pretentious existentialist gay guy who, in a lenin-era-russocommunist world, fucks a siren. Very fun, very much an introspective piece about loneliness and PTSD.

And then we have the siren and under the earth, which are modern era and may or may not ever see the light of day again.

Lastly, modern era, is Booters (working title), that is a novella tragedy pet whump story because I dislike pet whump as a whole and hate bad endings. But! I read a compelling essay by Arthur Miller (after reading death of a salesman) and found the idea that he proposed of a tragedy being great because it shows the tenacity of the human spirit in spite of impossible odds to be quite inspiring. We do live in an era of impossible odds, don't we? So anyway, pet Daisy works at bussy Hooters and had a bad ending. But at least he tried. I want to post an excerpt sometime. It's a novella, maybe short story, only has 3-4 chapters.

I am pretty terrible so I have about 20-60k written for each of these stories, sans Booters, but certainly most of it will get tossed by the time I am ready to get serious about them. Anyway that's the tour of my rough drafts. Don't get too excited (congrats if you read to the end of this) because it'll be ages before they get posted bc I am unfortunately a slow long format author.

[rotationalsymmetry]

A Spoonful of Sugar

I'm a teenager. It's a school day and my alarm just went off. 20 minutes later one of my parents sticks their head in my room to complain that I'm not up yet.

I'm a kid, not sure what age exactly. My dad comes in and pretends to be a dog to wake me up. (This has happened many times. He does it with the exact same phrasing and intonation and pretty much the same set of behaviors each time. Probably got it from a parenting book or something.) Kid-me finds this hilarious and an excellent way to start the day.

I'm an adult, early to mid 20's, with a group of other mostly young people in New Orleans post-Katrina, to tear down houses contaminated with black mold at the request of their owners (mostly black people) so that even if they don't have a house any more at least they own the land. If we don't do this, the city will hire people to do it at the owners' expenses and seize the property (ie the now vacant lot) if the owners don't pay it back. Anyways, point is, someone comes around with a guitar and a song when it's time to wake up.

I'm thinking about all the things parents of babies and toddlers and otherwise very young children do to cajole them into doing things. Stickers and little prizes. Oh, you aren't sure you want to eat that? What if the spoon was an airplane flying around, what then? Which toothbrush do you want to use, the red one or the blue one? (I loved getting to choose my school supplies, what cartoon characters the pencils had on them, the erasers shaped like fruit that didn't really erase, all that.) Bedtime routines. Bath toys.

Little kids are still young enough to make it everyone else's problem when they're forced to do something they don't want. So, everyone else finds ways to make it so that it isn't being forced, so that the kid wants whatever has to happen. Gummy vitamins. Chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs.

But adults, teens, older kids, have enough self control for that fight to be strictly internal, and often when other people stop cajoling us into doing what's best for us we don't pick up the slack ourselves, we push instead of finding ways to pull. And one thing I love about this site is the genre of posts that are about finding ways to get yourself to want to go into the carrier.

I've been pretending I'm in ninja training while brushing my teeth. Do not ask me how tooth-brushing prepares me to be a ninja. I got the idea to stick though. I've been using mnemonics -- ridiculous association mind games -- to practice remembering people's names, something I've always been bad at to my embarrassement. I have so many things I don't really want to do but that I think I should do. Sometimes it's not fun silly stuff, sometimes it's more sort of stoic reframing, like "ok I'm dreading this doctor's appointment because I'm telling myself it'll be frustrating and a waste of time, I can't make sure it's not a waste of time but there is some chance it won't be a waste of time and if so then showing up is doing the right thing, and I can make sure that I show up" (and so I give myself a good grade in showing up to a doctor's appointment, something that may or may not be normal to want but is in fact possible to achieve as long as you're doing the grading yourself, or can convince someone else to do it for you.)

I'm trying to notice intrinsic joy more. Taking a shower feels good so I get free "reward" as long as I'm noticing that it feels good. Physically moving my body, stretching and using my muscles, at least some of the time, feels good. Resting can feel good. Routines like having tea in the morning feel good and give me something to look forward to and some sort of continuity in my life, predictability. This feels good. This feels good. This feels good. This feels good.

[toyama-division]

ARB Birthday Special: Kensaku Morimoto

～ November 5th ～

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

Login Lines:

“I'm getting the feeling it can't play dumb about my birthday like last time. It didn't work out for me last year, so I might as well surrender. Free stuff isn’t the worst thing anyways!”

“Hey, free things! Nah, I kid, I kid. Thank you for the gift.”

Voice Lines:

“Ah… You know, having partners means they're probably going to try and do something for me. Mmm… I'll let it happen this year, but maybe I should tell them that having them in my life is enough. No need for extravegant surprises or presents.”

“Apparently, my niece has started baking so my little brother and his family are coming over to deliver a cake to me. Maybe I'll go out to lunch with them… It'll be nice to catch up with Hayato.”

“Oh, Asato-kun! It's good to see you! Hm? Yeah, I've been fine. Nobody has come for my bounty yet. Then again, I doubt anyone is wanting to do anything to our team! What? Oh yeah, except him, haha.”

“What did you forget? Oh, presents! Haha, ‘I make horrible science puns but only periodically’? Where’d you find this? Of course I like these cheesy things, I love them! Thank you Asato-kun! And something from Toshiko, huh? A picnic set? Why did she… Oh. Oh! I guess I did tell her about Jakurai and Sayaka. Or more like she forced it out of me. Huh? Did I not tell you guys? Wait, really? I’m sorry! Here, I’ll explain it later… N-Now? Asato, I don’t think- Calm down, kiddo!”

“Hello Yano… I forgot to tell Asato about Jakurai and Sayaka. Yeah, it just slipped my mind. H-Hey! I’m just a little caught up with stuff… It’s nothing like that, Yano. Don’t be gross…”

“It’s a couple of things! Let’s see what the book is first… ‘The Drunken Botanist’? …Yano. Really? You better be honest, I don’t appreciate you mocking me. Pfft, okay fair, fair. Still, this looks like an interesting read! Now the second thing… Aw, cute! They fit together? How do you- Oh, thank you Yano-kun. That is adorable! I’m sure they’ll like their cats too. Wait, is it really that much of a surprise? I guess I wasn’t sure what exactly I was feeling with Jakurai since I thought my days of experimenting my sexuality was long past… What’s that face for? Don’t judge me for being slow about that. Sure, sure, just ‘surprised’.”

Asato Lines:

“Happy birthday Ken sensei… Mhm. Have you been safe? Yeah… I guess nobody is really hunting us down. Well? Yano might be different. Since he has ties to the yakuza, I guess. It must be rough for him…”

“Ah, almost forgot. This is for you. The little retractable badge clip. Looked like the cheesy stuff you like. And gramma insisted I deliver this to you. Not sure why she wanted you to have this thing… Something about you being able to put this to better use…Huh? Jakurai… Saya… Since when? Why didn’t you say? Hmph… No, you gotta tell me now. How long have you been keeping it secret? Sensei…!”

Yano Lines:

“What the hell did you say to get Asato so upset? …You seriously forgot to tell your teammate about your new relationship? Are you stupid? Yeah, I’m sure you’re busy. Anyways, don’t bother sharing your sappy romantic stuff. Just take this gift.”

“Have fun digging around that bag. It’s not much, but you’re hard to buy for old geezer. Heh, figured you could put your two hobbies together. No, I’m not making fun of you! I told you, you like your booze and you do science shit with plants, so? See, I know you at this point. Yeah, that keychain is a set of three. They go together. N-No not like that… Just hand it over. See? Just like that. I figure as a celebration for being able to finally confess, you get your own little cat. Still, you liking Jakurai caught me off guard… I’m not judging! I’m just surprised, prick!”

[feathers-silly-rambles]

Time to write about what's gonna happen with Alastor! Yay!

No pictures this time because tumblr hates me and doesn't want me to. :(

Spoilers I think maybe-

So we all know Alastor made a deal and the general consensus is that it's with Lilith, poor boi. I genuinely thought she was doing something actually important, not chilling on a beach but that's funny. Anyway-

Now there are several outcomes to this, and I'm gonna talk about what I'd like to see because who doesn't do that when they wake up early in the morning and can't sleep for some reason??

So I've seen plsnty of theories that Alastor will be set free and then kinda go off since he's got his full powers again, and personally, I don't think that's how it'll go. I have no reason not to believe this, I just don't. That's okay, though. No one knows what's gonna happen and if I'm wrong, I'll look silly later, which would be funny.

Anyway I think it'll probably go a bit differently. I think Alastor will end up betraying the hotel, but not because he wants to. The season ended with Lute telling Lilith to get her daughter to stop (I'm not sure if she's refwring to the hotel entirely or just the uprising but we'll find out, I'm sure), and if the theory that she's the one with Alastor's soul is correct, why would she go down there to do it?

Why wouldn't she have Alastor do it for her? She doesn't wanna face her family, clearly, so why would she do so just to tell Charlie not to annoy heaven anymore? She's already got Alastor there and no doubt knows her daughter well enough to know that she'd likely befriend him (at least one-sidedly), so she'll probably have him either try to convince Charlie not to uprise again or that the hotel is pointless.

Now that being said- What I want specifically is to see Alastor react to and handle these orders. He'd 100% try to tell himself he's fine with that but no one can deny he's gotten attached to the hotel and it's staff. I wanna see him have some sort of breakdown trying to sort out why doing something like this is bothering him so much.

Now we all know that despite whatever happens, Alastor will probably be fine in the end and side with Charlie, but that's the direction I hope they take with it. I can see Alastor getting out of his deal and just chilling at the hotel and when asked why, he simply says he's use to it or something.

Now for random thoughts!

If Alastor does end up going off after getting out of his deal and ditching the hotel for a bit, I'd like to see Charlie talk to Rosie about it. I wanna see what she'd do.

I wanna see Alastor have another breakdown of some kind over his deal and Charlie sees this or something to that affect.

I wanna see how/if the his deal will get revealed to the others and how Charlie specifically would react. That's her mother controlling her friend, she wouldn't be thrilled.

I know this is like- beyond unlikely- But I wanna see Lilith come down and reveal the deal to her/the others. I doubt Alastor would be very willing to do so. Who knows, maybe he refuses to follow orders when it comes to screwing over the hotel because Lilith isn't keeping an eye on him so she has to go down there or something?? Idk, but it'd be fun.

I'm willing to bet there will be a confrontation between Charlie and her mom at some point.

I wanna see Charlie end up crying or breaking down or something about Alastor suddenly trying to ruin what she's doing and he has to just sort of deal with that. He can't risk her kicking him out or anything and he's no doubt figured out what he can and can't do to avoid punishment from her.

I think that's all uh- See ya!

If this doesn't make sense, it's because I'm tired af lmao, I'm gonna try to sleep.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, reg kin anon back

so, ive looked into it a little but i couldnt find any information online about whether my uni could offer free counselling/support when i get there, so its something i think ill just have to ask about once i actually get there.

which... is in three days. i move out on wednesday 11th, and its absolutely terrifying how soon that is. i feel so underprepared and i hate feeling like that because im the type of person to have multiple backup plans, i always check ahead of time about everything, i was that kid who used to make sure they knew everything they needed to if they got in a car accident or whatever. i was *prepared*, and now suddenly im moving out in three days and havent a clue what im doing.

its also so overwhelming trying to do anything. ive tried making lists to help but even that isnt working, and im so afraid i wont be prepared to go. i dont understand how anyone can be okay with anything anymore. i honestly cant believe i ever wished so badly to be an adult because its the most stressful, frustrating, and terrifying thing ever — and ive not even hit the tip of the iceberg yet, im well aware.

so far ive packed dry foods i bought beforehand (because ive no fucking clue where the food shops are where im moving, or how far they will be, or how easy itll be to trnasport shopping etc, so i figured it would be easier to bring anything i could so that id be set for a day or two at least), and thats about it. i cant pack clothes until the day before, and i cant pack toiletries until just before since ill still be using them, and im not packing all the stuff i bought in earlier asks (bedding, towels etc) until im packing clothes, because right now *theyre* all in my suitcase and theres no point taking them out and taking up more space with them until the clothes need to go in instead. i need to pack my plates and cups and such but i dont have any boxes and my father was supposed to get me some but hes done fuck all this past week and its really stressing me out.

is moving always this stressful or am i just overthinking everything? i feel like i never feel correctly about anything in life (ive had severe anxiety for longer than i can remember which really doesnt help) so i cant tell if im just being dramatic about it or if its actually normal to be so stressed about something that everyone does. would it be easier or more difficult without my mother's diagnosis? i dont know that she'd have helped much anyway, honestly, but still i cant help wondering. do people in normal families find it this difficult or is it calmer?

Hi!!!

Well by the time you read this you'll have moved!

Honestly, there's no real way to be completely prepared. You're gonna forget something, something will go wrong, and part of adulthood is just knowing that things go wrong and it's okay. It'll be okay, and you can figure it out, I promise.

Would it be easier if things were normal? Probably. But moving is still stressful no matter what. I promise you, everyone is stressed about this, and everyone is going to forget something and make mistakes. The most important thing is to find people to rely on, so when you make a mistake, you have people to help, you know? Adulthood is really just calling someone up and saying "I fucked up" and then as soon as you figure it out, someone calls you and says the same.

It'll be okay <3 I'm sending so much love.

[addisonacres]

That's a wrap.

2023 is on its death bed and I'm both happy and sad about that. Personally, this year has sucked on so many levels and for so many of my loved ones. But four months ago I published my first title under Addison Acres and so my foray into the world of M/M publishing began.

It has not been easy. It was a hell of a learning curve, and I still feel out of my depth some days. It's hard bloody work. I work full-time and I also study part-time so it's not like I can sit and write all day (as much as I wish I could). I needed to take the leap though because if I kept on saying 'I just don't have the time' then it was never going to happen.

I've published 2 shorts and a novella on Smashwords and I think I've done okay with them. To date I've sold 768 copies. Yes, some of them have been freebies (Draft2Digital counts those in total books sold) but hey, I'm pretty happy with those numbers. Have I made millions of dollars? Pfft, no. Have I made thousands? Yeah, nah. But I've made a about $700USD so far.

Yeah, I don't have a problem talking about stuff like this. I know a lot of people are very hush hush about money but one thing I've discovered coming into this gig is that there's very little data to measure against. Who knows if this means I've been successful? I fucking don't! But maybe another indie author will see this and go 'Hey, that's similar to what I managed' or 'I made more than that so I'm doing really well!'. So yeah, I'm happy to throw out my figures if it'll help someone else. I'm not raking in the cash, and I haven't had my first title become a crazy best-seller and I'm suddenly playing with the big kids. I'm still very much a baby in this industry, finding my way.

Ultimately, yes I got into this publishing gig to make a few extra bucks. The cost of living has sky-rocketed and my job does not pay well. I adore it though so I needed to do something to supplement what I make. This isn't going to pay off my mortgage but it's paid for a new water pump for our rainwater tank and a delivery of hay for the alpacas. I've also re-invested some of my royalties into my writing. I've purchased the Atticus software and I got a bundle of photos from Depositphotos to use for book covers.

There's still a lot I need to do. I have yet to set up a newsletter, which is much to my detriment. I feel like I need to have a NL magnet first (which is the term used for a free story readers get when they sign up for your newsletter). I feel like no one will sign up for nothing so I've not set one up yet, but I have no idea what to write for the magnet...

I've been doing a lot of promo work on FB with joining release parties and giveaways but it's hard work. The marketing side of things takes up a lot of time, which yeah, I don't have a lot of. I did set up an Instagram account but I've hardly used it as it's very, very full on and I haven't really had the spoons. I know I need to invest more time in that, and I will try in the New Year but we'll see how full the cutlery drawer is first.

I also made the choice to do Tumblr instead of Tik Tok. Probably a very stupid choice since BookTok is huge and people get a lot of exposure on there. Why didn't I? Well, firstly, I'm really not very good at making videos and editing them. It's so very time consuming. Secondly, I like Tumblr. Is it a dumpster fire? Yes. Am I a bin chicken masquerading as a human? You betcha. So, yeah, I feel comfortable here. But I know I need to invest in more time here also.

Anyway, next year is a new year. I am currently working on a project that I've told no one about because I feel if I do, I will jinx myself and my motivation will fuck off to the moon. So, there is something in the works for publishing maybe in February. I'll be looking for beta readers once I've gotten it finished so if you're interested, hit me up.

I've also created a new logo because I haven't really done that and I figured I really should. I've made 4 variations to use for different situations and I really like it. It's pretty.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Just wanted to do a little wrap up for the year and to prove that I'm not dead lol

Enjoy the final days of 2023 and I shall catch you all on the flip side.