#anyway i'm very happy to be done with college - i'll have more to say as i process things and i do want to make a ranking of my classes

[magentagalaxies]

congrats on the end of uni 🥳🥳🥳

thank you!! i'm celebrating by staying up until 3am to accidentally write a long ass post about KITH: tour of duty lmao

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Dire Crowley - Raven Jacket Vignette

"A dramatic encounter"

[Lecture Hall]

Crowley: Good morning. It is beautiful out, what an absolutely splendid start to such a lovely day.

Crowley: Incidentally… Have you noticed any changes in the apple tree growing in the courtyard?

Crowley: Yes, that's right. I'm speaking of the smallest, most recent planted tree within the courtyard.

Crowley: It feels as though it was only yesterday that it first started sprouting, and yet… It truly is growing at an astonishing rate.

Crowley: Whenever I chance a glance at that ever-striving tree growing each and every day under rain, shine or clouds, I also feel a twinge of self-reflection to be better.

Crowley: As if telling me that in both happy times and sad, one cannot forget to continue to strive for growth.

Crowley: And also… At the same time, I feel as though that tree represents all you students enrolled here at Night Raven College.

Crowley: That is, with respect to the point that with a good environment and proper nourishment, you all are able to grow and mature so wonderfully.

Crowley: …Well? Wouldn't you say that was an inspiring speech!?

Leona: Zzz.

Crowley: EXCUSE ME. I JUST HEARD A VERY LARGE SNORE THERE, WHO WAS THAT!?

Azul: It was magnificent! I was utterly enthralled by your wonderfully deep analogy. As one should expect from someone like you, Crowley-sensei!

Riddle: Really? I could have done with a little more tangible explanation, myself.

Riddle: What especially caught my attention was what you said about having "proper nourishment." Headmage, sir! What would that constitute?

Idia: Forget that, was this student assembly even a need? It's not even lol-worthy to think about how much time we've wasted having to listen to the Headmage's self-indulgent monologues on loop.

Vil: I concur. If all you wish to do is chit-chat, could you not gather the entire student body? I would rather use my mornings for my stretching exercises.

Octavinelle Student: Yeah, it's always some kind of useless speech.

Heartslabyul Student: I wanna go back to my dorm～

[clamoring]

Crowley: EVERYONE PLEASE QUIET DOWN!

Crowley: Anyway! What I was trying to say is…

Crowley: I would like everyone here to carry yourself with pride as befitting a student of Night Raven College.

Kalim: Oh! I was totally lost with what you were saying earlier, I see, so that's what you meant!

Kalim: I totally get it. I'll work hard just like an orange tree does!

Crowley: AN APPLE TREE!

[door opens]

Crowley: Hm? Who could possibly be showing up this late to… Ah.

Malleus: …

Crowley: D-DRACONIA-KUN!

Crowley: Right, did anyone tell him that there was to be a campus-wide student assembly…?

Everyone: Not at all.

Malleus: Was I not extended an invitation once again?

Malleus: You have the gall... To leave me outcast…

[lightning strikes down]

Crowley: W-Wait, Draconia-kun! Do not cast your lightning indoors!

Leona: Yaaaawn… Done blabbering, then? 'Kay, meeting over. Everyone back to their dorms.

[everyone nods]

Crowley: Aah, everyone, wait! If you're leaving, please take Draconia-kun with you!

[Cafeteria]

Crowley: For goodness’ sake. This morning could have gone much better.

Crowley: However, no matter what tribulations I may come across… Once it is time for lunch, I immediately feel much better!

Crowley: And that's all thanks to the delicious fare our school provides. What is the recommended meal of the day?

Ghost Chef: Welcome, Headmage. Today's recommendation is an exceptionally filling meat pie filled with large chunks of beef!

Crowley: Sounds fantastic. Please, I would have that, then.

Crowley: Oh, hello, Crewel-sensei and Vargas-sensei. I see Trein-sensei is with you too!

Crowley: Are you all taking lunch together? May I join you?

Vargas: Absolutely, yes, come and sit with us! I bet it'd be more than a hassle to find another seat when it's this crowded, anyway.

Crewel: I also was unable to find other seating, so here I am, reluctantly keeping company with a scold.

Trein: I do believe if you wish to avoid a lecture you would do well to not do anything warranting one.

Trein: …Oh. I see that you've ordered the beef pie, Headmage.

Crowley: That's correct. I am an avid connoisseur of meat, yes.

Crowley: Of course I'll eat it all, including beef, pork, chicken, and even wild game.

Trein: Wild game?

Crowley: Indeed, gibier, it's called. Have you ever tried it?

Vargas: Oh yeah, gibier! Last time I had some was when I ate some venison, and it sure did taste so delicious that I was overflowing with energy～

Crowley: You have a distinguished palate, Vargas-sensei. How wonderful.

Crowley: There are a multitude of other gibier meat to try, you know. I do hope you all have a chance to…

Sam: ＩＮ ＳＴＯＣＫ ＮＯＷ!

Everyone: AHH!!

Crowley: S-Sam-kun… I implore you to not pop in from behind us like that!

Sam: Nyeheehee. You all looked like you were lost in such enjoyable conversation, I just couldn't help myself.

Crewel: This is a rare sight, Sam. You're usually tending to the Mystery Shop around this time, aren't you?

Sam: The cafeteria ghosts had asked for a delivery of some ingredients, is all.

Sam: Headmage, if you're interested in some gibier that's a little more difficult to get your hands on, you know I got you.

Sam: Whatever kind of food you may want, I can procure it for you.

Crowley: You're fantastic, Sam-kun. How wonderfully supportive. However…

Crowley: In all actuality, I also have a fondness for vegetables, fruits and sweets in addition to meat. I love anything that is not spicy!

Crewel: I am fully aware. For as long as I remember, your omnivorous habits have made for quite the reputation.

Crowley: Omniv… Could you possibly say that in a more appropriate manner!?

Sam: …Hm? I just noticed that everyone's ordered very different dishes. Really goes to show each of your preferences.

Vargas: Since I always have my muscles on my mind, I make it so my lunches are egg dishes packed full of protein!

Crewel: I do like meat pies myself, so I did consider it… But that size is far too much for me.

Crewel: It may be perfect for those growing students, but it is most likely in excess of the recommended nutritional intake for us adults.

Trein: Indeed. I also selected something else when I saw it with my own eyes.

Trein: If I ate such a thing for lunch, I would still feel it weighing me down during afternoon classes.

Crowley: Is that so? Such a shame. It's so delicious～

Vargas: Nice, that's a great appetite you got. I'll have to work hard to keep up!

Trein: Look at him, devouring that hearty and greasy meat pie so easily… He truly is young at heart…

Crewel: You're not wrong, he hasn't changed one bit from my student days.

Trein: For that matter, I don't believe he's changed since I started my tenure here at Night Raven College…

Crewel: Headmage… How old is he truly? I'm curious, and yet I'm not sure I want to know…

Sam: Nyeheehee. He's truly a man of mystery. It piques one's curiosity.

Crowley: Ah, so delicious. Past me deserves such gracious thanks for hiring these Five-Star restaurant chefs.

Crowley: And what a dramatic encounter it was meeting those chef ghosts.

Crowley: That was… Oh, hm. How many decades ago, now?

[Main Street]

Crowley: Now, what shall I do this afternoon? The other professors are busy with classes, so mayhaps I'll go while away the time at Sam-kun's shop…

???: We ain't gotta sweat the small stuff, c'mon.

Crowley: Hm? This voice…

Grim: No one'll notice if we skip one or two classes. We should totally just snag a few z's instead, myahaha!

1. Let's hurry and head back towards the classroom. 2. Maybe you're right and no one will catch us…

Crowley: That certainly was Grim-kun's voice, I see…

Crowley: Even if it is just those two, how could there be anyone with the audacity to cut class at my academy! I absolutely cannot believe it!

Savanaclaw Student: Hey, we'll be using that bench to relax on while we ditch class. Get off.

Grim: Huuh!? I'm the one who found this sunny spot first!

Crowley: WHA― THERE ARE OTHERS CUTTING CLASS AS WELL!?

Crowley: Not only are there multiple students missing class, it seems a fight is about to break out, as well… What is with this break in decorum at this school?

Crowley: EXCUSE ME, YOU LOT! YOU SHOULD ALL BE IN CLASS RIGHT NOW!

Grim: Urgh. Someone annoying's found us.

Crowley: [Yuu]-kun, it is most troublesome if you cannot look after Grim-kun properly.

1. I'm sorry.

Crowley: How refreshing… It's so moving to have someone apologize so forthright immediately after breaking a rule…

2. Grim just doesn't listen to me.

Crowley: Y-You're just running yourself ragged, I see… Poor thing to have to deal with Grim-kun like this.

Crowley: All of you return to class this instant. It should be an honor that you have the privilege of attending classes here.

Crowley: Magic is not something so simple that can be controlled on talent alone.

Crowley: Of course, natural talent may be important, but what truly matters is maturing your abilities through daily growth and experiences.

Crowley: You all do remember my very loving speech from this morning, yes?

Grim: It was all about somethin' boring, so I wasn't listening.

Ignihyde Student: Yeah. Same.

Crowley: EXCUSE ME!? [Yuu]-kun, please tell me you had your listening ears on this morning?

1. Of course I remember.

Crowley: Whew... At least you're a good student.

2. Something about grape trees, right?

Crowley: APPLE TREES!

Ignihyde Student: Man, you're so annoying… You keep yammering on, but there's really no reason to listen to you, is there?

Diasomnia Student: Seriously. It’s not like I've ever seen the Headmage do any kind of crazy strong magic or anything, and even the Housewardens were ignoring him at the student assembly…

Savanaclaw Student: He ain't scary at all. Just ignore him!

Crowley: …What pitiful children.

Crowley: Well, I suppose I have no choice. I'll just have to show you exactly how important incremental advancement in your studies can be.

Crowley: …FOR MY KINDNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS!

Students: HRRGHH!

Grim: Oh hey, that stuff wrapped around those guys is the Headmage's uh… weird rope thing!

Crowley: This is not rope. This is my lash of love! A slightly stronger version than before.

Savanaclaw Student: OW, OW! I'M GETTING SQUEEZED～!

Diasomnia Student: This kinda magic should be no problem to break out… Hurng, I can't!? Wh-Why? Our magic's not even making a scratch on it!

Crowley: That should be expected. You do realize I am the Headmage here, yes? This level of magic comes as easily to me as breathing does.

Crowley: It's one thing when those who comprehend my power, like the Housewardens, speak in jest…

Crowley: But it would be completely disgraceful of me as an instructor to be belittled by students like you who have no knowledge of the difference in our abilities.

Crowley: You should try to comprehend how unripe your magical abilities still are.

Grim: Yeah, yeah, get 'em, Crowley! Show 'em what little they know!

1. I wouldn't get too carried away… 2. Wouldn't it be better to run before…?

Crowley: And a lash of love for you! My more heedful version!

Grim: GRRAAH～!

1. Astounding, no matter how many times I see it! 2. Your lightning quick flick made quick work of him!

Crowley: Heh, you don't have to go that far in praising… Hold on now, Grim-kun! No matter how much you thrash about, nothing will come of it. Calm yourself.

Crowley: After all, I have such high expectations for you, Grim-kun. That includes you too, [Yuu]-kun.

Crowley: I fully believe that the two of you will be integral to changing the future of this academy.

Crowley: I'm sure you two will be all I hope for and more, don't you?

Grim: Yeah, yeah, I gotchu. Just leave it all to the genius Grim-sama.

Grim: …SO LET ME GO ALREADY～!

Crowley: Well then. I suppose I'll just take you all to your assigned classes just like this now.

Grim: Huh!? If you drag us along all tied up like this, everyone that'll see us will all point and laugh…!

Grim: LET GO, LET ME GOOO!

Crowley: I must make sure that you Night Raven College students properly reflect on your actions and learn from each experience.

Crowley: And that is because you are all one of my very precious, precious apple trees...

Requested by Anonymous.

[eurydicees]

Also, I just saw you’re 23, I am too! It’s rough out here. Another idea: any characters, what’s it like being 23? Where are they at this point? I feel like hq shows that as being sooo grown up but like I’m just a big teenager right?? Idk just rambling

being 23 is so rough sometimes lmfao. i've got friends from high school getting married and friends from college having early life crises. i'm working full time and living alone but tbh mostly feel like i'm playing at house rn more than i am living on my own. whatever. it's fine. early 20s is just a silly time of life. anyways i don't have a fic for u but i Do have a headcanon list.

in no particular order, haikyuu characters as stupid things i've done in my early twenties:

atsumu: having a brother who is a chef does not prevent him from forgetting to take the cheese packet out of the mac and cheese box and dumping that into boiling water with the pasta.

udai: does not remember the last time he ate a vegetable.

oikawa: friends all went to a party without him and his coping method was getting so so so wasted on white rum and falling asleep on the living room carpet immediately after giving another friend a tarot card reading saying their breakup is imminent (to be fair, it was. but it was still kinda rude).

iwaizumi: after class, was led to a private stairwell by a friend, jokes "haha are you taking me to a hidden location to kill me." and then received a love confession. proceeded to say "uh. i'll think about it." then did finger guns. and said "im just gonna. go" and then fucking. ran. like not exaggerating, ran.

kageyama: went on a date. did Not At All Know it was a date, despite the very very obvious flirting. yes this was the same person as in the previous bullet point. don't look at me like that.

akaashi: took a 100 level class senior year and did not pay attention to a single lecture. instead wrote thousands of words of fanfiction in the classroom every day.

atsumu (again): another cooking one. i just think he'd be a terrible cook. sorry. anyways. "it's been 20 min, why isn't this scallion pancake im pan frying cooking yet?" (<- did not turn on the stove burner.)

yachi: hm the light in this room doesn't work. guess i'll just learn to see in the dark instead of inconveniencing anyone by asking to fix it.

akaashi (again): completely fell in love at first sight, but fast forward five months and it actually somehow worked out? however the five months were filled with the most insufferable pining possible, which could have been resolved so so so easily. also started talking about marriage, like, six months in.

bokuto: got sad. went out into a raging snowstorm in socks and no jacket. laid down in the snow for a long time. somehow, miraculously, didn't get a cold afterwards?

akaashi and/or yachi: changed majors and career paths because a pretty upperclassman asked them to. (i am very happy in my chosen path but jesus christ THAT was why i did it?)

hinata: flew from coast to coast of the country, then drove halfway back to the midwest in the span of three days. started a new job on the fourth day. didn't sign a lease on an apartment until the fifth day.

semi: skipped a day of work to drive four hours there and four hours back for a fall out boy concert. totally worth it but driving at 4am after a concert wasn’t the smartest thing ever to be done.

kuroo: started reading homestuck in the year of our lord 2024. this is an attempt to remain in contact with long distance friendships (by doing a bookclub) but jesus fucking christ dude.

ok this is getting too long and i needed to be ready for work, like 15 min ago lol. maybe i'll write more of these later, but i hope you enjoy these and my silly disasters are a little comforting :)

[tinygarbage]

Lovers Rock (A Halloween Special)

pairing: Joel Miller x College!f!reader

word count: 4k

summary: Joel's been your best friend since 6th grade. He graduated with you, but when you went to school, he joined his fathers contracting company. When your roommate invites you to a frat party for Halloween, hoping to set you up with her boyfriends friend, you drag Joel along.

warnings: 18+, MINORS DNI, underage drinking, college parties, Joel is 20, reader is 18 (Joel was held back for kindergarten), frat boys, kissing, reader is a virgin, mutual pining, oblivious reader, not edited 😵‍💫

a/n: ok y’all, I’m not very happy with how this turned out, but I really like the idea I had so yk fuck it and ball. I just needed some mutual pining yk? I’m hoping to make multiple installments of this story but I’m not promising anything! Anyways enjoy even though there only a few hours left of Halloween:)

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

When Nessa proposed she wanted to set you up with her boyfriends frat mate, you didn’t know what to expect. All you knew was that she was desperate to help you loose your virginity.

So, after a couple days of convincing, you give in. But not before calling your best friend to drag him along. You call Joel immediately after Nessa tells you about the party. He had been your best friend since 6th grade. You met him in math class and after pestering him for a piece of gum. When he finally gave in, you continued to pester him until you completely weaseled your way into his life. And since then, you had been inseparable.

You and Joel had watched each other go through countless crushes and relationships, but nothing stuck for either of you. Joel was a little more proactive, and had done a lot more than you had ever done. Including losing his virginity. But, you promised each other to keep each other in the loop. So here you are, last minute on the Wednesday before the party, waiting for him to pick up as the phone rings.

    "Jo, hey." You say quickly after he picks up.

    "What's up, Buttercup?" He says, panting slightly.

    "You good?"

   "Yeah, sorry, I'm just at the job sight." He says, trying to catch his breath.

    "Still? It's 7?" You frown, looking at the alarm on your desk.

    "Yeah, Dad's got us cleaning and shit." He sighs, "so what's up?"

    "Oh, yeah. Right." You laugh, "What are your plans Friday night?"

    "Tommy's got a football game, but I can get out of it if you wanted to do something." He answers.

     "There's a party. A Halloween party." You say, flipping a page of your textbook and start writing.

     "Oh, y'know I'm not really into that kinda shit." He says. You can picture the little scowl he unintentionally does.

      "Please? For me?" You whine.

      "Why do you want me to go so bad, college?" He chuckled. You can imagine him standing at the job sight. Breathing heavy in his work pants and neon orange t-shirt. He'd be panting slightly, beads of sweat running down his forehead, curls messy and hands dirty from a tough day at work. His biceps bulging in the t-shirt and his thighs tight against the fabric of his pants.

      "Nessa is trying to set me up with one of the football guys, I need my bodyguard just in case things get rocky." You says, the eraser of your pencil pressing against your lip as you read and talk,

      "Nessa? Your roommate?" He asks. Joel and Nessa don't get along.

      "Please, Jo." You drag out his nickname.

      "I don't wear costumes." He says flatly.

      "What if i buy you one?" You propose.

      "You're not spending money on me." He argues.

     "Wear dark clothes. I'll just get a mask or something." You suggest, "you don't even have to wear it, just hold it."

      He sighs from the other line, "Fine. I'll wear dark clothes. And I'll be at your dorm at 7:30."

      "Really?" You ask, smiling brightly as you look down at your desk with a smitten face.

       "Really, Princess." That's what he called you whenever you got you way. It always made you feel like you had a little butterfly flying around your rib cage.

      "Thank you. I love you." You giggle, going back to writing notes.

       "Love you too, College." He says, you can hear the smirk in his voice. "Well, I gotta go. I'll see you then?"

     "See you then, Jo."

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

The crowd is immediately overwhelming to Joel. As the group approaches the frat house, there a guy throwing up an the sidewalk. He's dressed as Luigi. His mustache lays crumbled at his feet while he groans. Joel automatically thinks of 3,001 excuses to get the hell out of there. But each excuse is thrown away after he thinks about you. What if something happens to you? So he stays. Stuffing part of the werewolf mask you bought into his back pocket. Reluctantly grabbing a beer from the huge cooler once you're inside and cracking it open. He watches as you and Nessa take out your own alcohol and soda can to make a mixed drink.

Earlier that night, he arrived at your dorm to see you all dolled up. A winged liner and a cherry red lipstick being the most notable out of your makeup look. For him at least. You were wearing a white, pirate styled shirt with a worn brown vest. In a material that made Joel cringe slightly. Your skirt was fluffy, and short, exposing your thighs in the cold air. You wore converse, just like he had. You were dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. Shoving a cheap werewolf mask into his hands, thanking him for wearing exactly what you had told him. Which was a navy crewneck and dark denim. He was your big bad wolf.

He sighs, standing beside them, feeling wildly out of place. You had brought him to the same frat before. After a Longhorns game. An invitation reached out by Nessa and her boyfriend who was in the frat. But before then, he was drinking and it was easier to make conversation about football, and not his shitty costume. He swallows his pride and watches you giggle with your bad influence of a roommate. Or so he believed her to be.

You turn to see him staring, throwing a crooked smile in his direction before taking a long sip of your drink. Which had mostly alcohol and a drop of Dr Pepper. "Can you hold my soda, Joel?" You ask, with your usual puppy eyes and fake pout.

He grumbles and grabs it from you, double fisting a Busch lite and your Dr Pepper. While holding your soda and following you around, all Joel could think about were his little brothers words. 'You're the boyfriend with absolutely no benefits.' And Joel couldn't deny it any longer. He helped move you into your dorm, he picks you up when you drink too much with Nessa, he holds you when your shitty boyfriends screw you over, and he holds your drinks at parties so you can flirt with other guys. And he gets nothing but a 'thanks Joel! You're the best!'

    It took him way too long to realize that he's the friend zone king. He sits on its shitty throne next to the guy who says 'Where's my hug?' His stomach churns. His throat burning hot and his head is spinning.

"Nessa said Kayden and Theo are on the lawn." You shout over the music into Joel's ear, the proximity making his heart jump.

"The hell are they doin' out there?" He asks back.

"Keg-stand, fucking idiots." You grumble and Joel laughs, agreeing. Which earns him a glare from Nessa. To which he sticks his tongue out back.

Nessa grabs onto you, leading you out towards the lawn. You immediately grab onto Joel's forearm and drag him with you two. He sighs, downing half of his beer as he walks with you to the lawn. A sea of drunk college students dressed in silly or slutty costumes litter the lawn. Nessa's boyfriend, Theo, is in the middle of a keg stand, and Kayden is cheering from the side with a jug full of alcohol. God, Joel wanted to lose his shit and bang on his chest in pure anger. You were nervous about that fucker?

You look to Joel with an uneasy smile, he doesn't return it. "How do I even communicate with him?" You ask Joel.

"You run away as fast as you can," he gives you an unimpressed look as he says it. He's not joking.

You give him an exaggerated eye roll and shake your head. "You told me you'd be good for advice, Miller."

"That's my best advice, Princess," he says easily, crossing his arms over his chest. His beer can lazily hanging in his fingertips. Which are lightly gripping the top.

You swallow, watching as Kayden chugs an impressive amount of whatever alcohol was mixed in the jug of what used to be Arizona tea. "I guess I should probably introduce myself."

Joel's jaw clenches as he watches you go, wanting to grab you and shake sense into you. What could you possibly see in that guy? What could possibly be romantic about a arizona jug with a unexplained green liquid sloshing around inside it? What could possibly be attractive about the piss-water beer he was spilling all over himself. With one tight squeeze, he crashes the can, wandering away to find a recycle bin.

He heads back inside reluctantly, chewing the inside of his cheek while his mind churns out a million scenarios where you turn out hurt. Or someone else's. A huff escapes his lips as he tosses the can into the recycle bin and immediately heads into the kitchen for another. In the kitchen, there's a group of other Mario characters. Joel clocks them as Luigi's group. He wonders if they know poor Luigi is puking his guts out.

Laughing to himself, he cracks open a second beer and leans against the counter, observing as people come and go from the kitchen. He sips slowly, judging people's costumes, laughter, and their drunken speeches. He wonders how people got drunk so fast, or if him and your group really arrived as late as Nessa made it seem. He sets his beer down next to him, still holding onto your Dr Pepper. His hand covering the open top. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a princess peach approaching. Her dress short, and white knee high boots. Her blonde hair was curled and she had a tiny crown on her head. She looked good.

"You're bleeding." She says, pointing to his empty hand. Looking down, he realized he must've cut himself while crushing his can in his earlier frustration.

He looks back up with a slow blink, "thanks." He grumbles, not really sure what to say, "you know if they keep a first aid kit in this dump?"

Peach laughs with a nod, moving past him and looking under the sink. She grabs out a small, red first aid kit. Joel sets down your Dr Pepper. He moves to the sink, washing off the blood from the small, deep cut. He rips a paper towel from his freehand and dabs the cut. Once he's finished, Peach put a paw patrol bandaid on the left side of his palm, where the cut is.

"All fixed, soldier." She says with a giggle.

"Thanks," he says, inspecting the bandaid made for children, "oh, and if you're missing a Luigi, he's out on the lawn. Buddy seems like he's had a rough night.

Peach let's out a loud giggle, Joel flinches at the sound. "Oh, that's just Damon. He's been drinking since noon."

"Since noon?"

"Yeah, it's normal i promise." She says, her hand falling onto his bicep as she laughs. She squeezes it lightly and his eyes widen slightly.

Joel shifts, not really sure how to handle a unwanted touch from a stranger. Her hand dropped as soon as it came. He let out a huff in relief, shifting his converse against the kitchen tile. "He should probably stop drinkin' so much." He said awkwardly.

      Peach shrugs, "it's college."

       At the tail end of their conversation, you slip into the kitchen. You're red hood is down now, and your solo cup is completely empty. Having been downed after you listens to Kayden tell you about football through a slurred voice. After realizing there was no chance of social resuscitation, you head inside to find Joel. Hopefully getting the hell out of there. You walk through the sliding glass door and through the dining room. When you reach the kitchen you stop in you tracks at the sight of Joel.

       As you stand there, a realization creeps up on you. You've seen this film. You've seen it a thousand times. Every time you've entered a room, you've watched it play. A perfect play through every single time. Joel stands against the kitchen counter with another beer in his hands. He's grumbling something to a girl dressed as Princess Peach. As she laughs at what he said, her delicate hand slaps his bicep, grabbing onto it as she leans forward and lets out a flirtatious giggle. You watch him blink slowly, realizing whatever he said to the girl wasn't a joke. He wasn't trying to be funny.

     Continuing to watch, you stand in the entrance. He stands up from where he was leaning on the counter, no longer relying on it to hold him up. You watch as he slams his second beer, your Dr Pepper still in his right hand. His hand is covering the top. Another few blinks and his whiskey eyes are on you.

     Everything from there feels like a total cliche. He turns away from Princess Peach, eyes still on you. He mutters a farewell. You watch him closely as he stares you down. He's crossing the room, eyes fixated on your form. The white pirate-styled top, and the brown vest. His eyes fall to the short red skirt and the beat up converse on your feet. The noise around you cancels out into merely a whisper, your heartbeat gets faster as you realize what's happening to you. No, what's happened. What's always been there. What is becoming so painfully obvious that you physically can't keep up with the way your brain spins.

    He's there and everyone else is just an obstacle. Blocking you from running to him. You wonder if that's how it's been this whole time. If your own stupidity and oblivious nature has been your obstacle this whole time. If this moment was destined since you had plopped a boat made out of the gum wrapper from the gum he gave you on his desk in 6th grade. You wonder if had he asked you to homecoming instead of Charlie Winkler, would you have already realized it. Would you have already realized that there's absolutely no one in this world that makes you feel the way he does?

     As he gets closer, fire spreads through your body, and suddenly he's grabbing your wrist. He says something, but you're locked into a shock induced state. You completely zone out as his face leans closer. Your eyes take in his thick, furrowed brow and the slight scrunch on his forehead. His lips are downturned and you suddenly realize how long it's been since he's shaved. His stubble much longer than he had ever kept it before.

      "Hey, you good?" His smooth drawl snaps you back into reality, he's waving a large hand in front of your face, "Earth to College."

      You blink a few times, "Joel. Hi." You choke out awkwardly, staring at him.

     "You good? Where's Kyle?"

     "Kayden." You correct, throwing out your solo cup. Then grabbing the Dr Pepper from his hands and throwing that out too.

     "Same thing," he shrugs, "Where is he?"

     "I wasn't into him." You say quickly, "Wanna get some air? I'm feeling a little overwhelmed."

    He immediately looks concerned, his hand landing on the small of your back, "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

    You nod quickly, "I'm fine, i promise. C'mon, let's go upstairs."

     You grab his hand and lead him out to the living room and up the stairs of the frat. He follows behind, holding onto your hand tightly. He looks behind and around himself, not really knowing what to expect. Or what people would think about people heading into the bedroom of a frat member without said frat member being present.

    You reach a door with Theo's name on it. Carefully, you peak your head in. Once you know it's clear of horny and drunk college students, you open the door fully. Joel steps through, looking around at the slightly messy room.

    "You're sure we can be up here?" Joel says, awkwardly shifting his weight as you plop down on Theo's bed.

     "He said I could use it if i needed too." You smile, playing with the hem of your skirt.

    He just nods, converse dragging slightly on the rug under his feet and towards the bed. As he sits down slowly, you listen to the muffled music from the yard. A shitty, yet classic, Pitbull song plays and you hear drunken screams. You ignore it, not wanting to focus on anything else but the overbearing scent of Joel's teakwood cologne. The one you got him for his 20th birthday. How was he so perfect?

   "So, that kid didn't catch your interest?" Joel asks, his sweaty hands rubbing on the denim covering his thighs.

     "He smelled like wet pennies," you laugh, nudging his shoulder lightly.

    He laughs with you. It's thunderous sound, one you've always been incredibly fond of. You giggle slightly, a lovesick haze clouding your brain as he looks over to you. For a moment, it's quiet between you both. A complete contrast to the chaos outside. Both of your breathing the only sound left in the room. His eyes flicking from your eyes to your cherry red lips. He snaps out of his daze, looking forwards, "I think if someone told me I smelled like pennies, I'd cry." He says teasingly, nudging your knee.

    "You don't smell like pennies." You lean closer.

    "Promise?"

    "Promise." You nod, giggling as you lean your head on his shoulder.

      His arm wraps around you, rubbing your shoulder over your smooth red cape. The hood tangled in the back from ripping it off your head after Kayden accidentally spilled his unidentified alcohol beverage on it earlier. You nuzzle your head on his muscular shoulder, inhaling his strong scent. His navy crewneck is soft against your cheek as you look down at the dark denim on his strong thighs.

      You both sit in silence for a few moment, the tension in the air getting thicker as the seconds tick by. Eventually, you get restless. Your voice cuts through the quiet room as you lift your head up slightly to look up at him. "You want to stay with me in the dorms tonight?" You ask softly.

    "I would love that." he says softly, leaning forward and placing his forehead on yours. His hand reaches to grab your wrist as it sits on your lap. He rubs your wrist slowly, running across a prominent vein that meets your palm.

   Suddenly, his free hand wraps around the back of your head, gently and quickly pulling you in. Before you can process whats happening, his lips press against yours. You melt into the kiss without another thought. His hand slides down and holds your face, his other hand dropping your wrist and reaching up behind your head. His long fingers running through your hair as you kiss. Your hands lay on his chest, squeezing him slightly when he pressed deeper. The kiss turns to into a heavy make out as he starts getting a bit carried away at the taste of your cherry lipstick. The kiss gets sloppy, making you squeeze your thighs together from the sudden burn between your legs. He breaks the kiss, breathing heavy, his hands on your hips. He's looking down at you with rosy cheeks. "Was that okay?" His voice was soft.

     You pant softly, your lips swollen from his passionate kiss. "Mhm," you nod.

    He quickly steals another kiss from you, shifting to face you. You go right back to making out again. He has a tight hold on your waist with one hand. His left hand traveling up to your back. You hold yourself up on the bed with your hand spread behind you. Your arm is thrown over his shoulder and around the back of his neck. His tongue pushes against yours, pulling you in for a kiss. It lasts for a few seconds that seem to be last a lifetime. His hand grips tighter at your waist, breathing heavily after he eventually broke the kiss. "I want you.." He whispers. His eyes are heavy and he's gazing at you in a way you didn't believe was possible.

    "I'm yours." You whisper without another thought, smiling.

    He pulls himself even closer, slowly and gently lying you down before leaning on top of you. He places his hand flat on your spine, whilst his other hand goes to your thigh. He kisses your neck and collarbone, the taste of your skin driving him crazy. For a moment, he loses himself in the taste, before he begins to wonder if you're feeling alright. He pauses again, letting himself catch breath before checking on you. "Are you comfortable? Do you want to continue this?"

    You nod, your fingers playing with the curls on the back of his neck. His hand is on your thigh, rubbing it lightly. "Yeah, I'm comfortable." You nod softly.

     He beams, a slight huff of excited laughter hitting your face. "You'll let me know if it's too much?" He asks softly, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

     "Mhm." You hum, pushing his head down to continue the kiss. He happily accepts the invitation, squeezing your thigh gently as his other arm is still wrapping under you as you lay on Theo's bed.

You both make out for a few more minutes. The touches become more and more heated with each second. Your nails dig into his shoulders as his hand travels up your thigh to rest on your hip underneath your skirt. A small moan rumbles against his lips as your back arched slightly against the mattress. His finger loops under the band of underwear on your hip.

As he begins to tug slightly, the door flys open and you and Joel rip apart from each other. Joel hops off the bed, scratching the back of his neck as his other hand travels to his front pocket. A poor attempt to hide the bulge in his jeans. You sit up on the bed, fixing your skirt and hair as you both look at the door.

Theo and Nessa stand at the door, their jaws dropped open at the sight in front of them. “No way,” A drunken Nessa giggled, covering her mouth.

“Nessa! Hi!” You squeak, getting up from the bed as the two drunken vampires giggle.

Joel’s face is beet red as his hands are stuck into his front pockets. You look over to see red lipstick smudged on his lips, some even in his stubble. You got hit with embarrassment, using your thumb to wipe around your lips to wipe off any smudged lipstick. “We were just getting some air.”

“More like sharing some air,” Theo laughs.

“Go back to the dorms,” Nessa smirks. “I’ll be here tonight.”

Instead of arguing you nod, grabbing onto Joel’s arm and leading him out of the room. The door closes behind you and you both look at each other in awe and embarrassment.

“Dude.” You breath out, a slow smile creeping onto your lips.

“That…” he tries to find words in his flustered state, “that was awkward.”

You both laugh, leaning into each other in a post make out haze. He tugs you into his arms for a moment, pulling you close as he rubs your back slowly. He presses a firm kiss to the crown of your head before pulling apart again.

“Should we head to your dorm?” He asks softly, biting the inside of his lip.

You smirk, grabbing his wrist. “C’mon, cowboy.”

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

moot tags: @annasinterests @ilovepedro @mandoisapunk @party-hearses @nostalxgic @bastardmandennis

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ IF ONLY I HAD TOLD HER

["whatever our souls are made of hers and mine are the same"]

| ✮ 3.5 stars |

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers for ihhbwm + some spoliers for ioihth]

ok so lemme tell you i had the BIGGEST reading slump ever just as i started to read this. so this review may be a little choppy at some points because i've just pointblank forgotten some parts and don't wanna go back and re-read finny's pov just yet.

i was so on the fence about reading this because on one hand i really wanted to read finny's pov and on the other, complete and utter heartbreak.... yeah....... so anyway i read it.

when i tell you that this book had me ugly crying in the middle of the night. like seriously finny's pov?? fucking broke me. are you kidding me? the way he speaks about autumn? ugh when am i gonna find a guy like finny fr? but seriously this book had me on a rollercoaster of emotions just from the heartbreak knowing whats already gonna happen to finny as he describes how happy he is and how he can't believe autumn loves him back, to the smile i had on my face reading about 'the moms' bickering over baby stuff for autumn.

i will say this now i did expect a little more (hence the rating). i wanted idk more closure at the end there. idk rlly know how to describe it better since its 10 o'clock at night and ive had zero sleep for the past four nights in a row. but yeah i wanted something more. (bitch u wanted finny to be alive)

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

finny -

*sobbing noises* i could go on a damn rant abt this boy. holy shit. he's just perfect. if i see one person ONE PERSON coming after him istg- he was such a caring sweet person like the pencil??? and always going to the sketchy gas station (i nearly called it a servo then lmao) to get the candy autumn likes?? and always making sure people were safe when he drives?? *cough* apparently not you though sylvie *cough* just ahhh laura when i get you. cause like why'd you have to make him get out of the car, hmmm? lets just compromise and you give me an alternate universe where finny misses the puddle or better yet where sylvie kept her damn seatbelt on.

jack -

tbh i wasn't all that excited to read about jack. (also to be fair i was still sobbing from finny's pov so that probably didn't help) like i seriously just thought it'd be some jock trying to process finny's death by hooking up with alexis (who by the way can go jump up her own ass and die) but we got the whole other side of him where he was genuinely affected by finny's death and really was his best friend. but the way he didn't like autumn way just- yeah. also i saw him and sylvie coming from a mile away like seriously it wasn't very subtle.

autumn -

*sobbing noises increase* autumn my baby girl. i just wanted to jump through the pages and give her a hug. seriously i feel robbed that we didn't get to see a happy autumn. angie and her's friend ship was so precious tho. and i love love LOVE that they bonded over being moms/soon-to-be-moms. im also just gonna say the way we didn't see an ounce of jamie or sasha this entire book made me so happy! i also lowkey wanted to see more of when she was an actual mom? like what would she name the baby? i wanted to see domestic autumn a little more. but i still love her so much and it was so lovely to see her heal <3

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers]

"my love for her is the closest thing i have to religion. but it's okay that she doesn't feel the same. i'm fine. i can handle it" - finny

"my devotion to autumn is engraved on my very being. i am in awe of her. i will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. i know i'll always love her in the same way i know i'll always need oxygen" - finny

"it's all done. finn's story is over. his whole life. that was it. not even nineteen years, and he'll never, ever do anything else ever again. finn won't go off to college or celebrate his birthday. he won't get another hair cut or get the oiled changed in his car. he won't bite a hangnail on his thumb or buy another CD. finn smith has done everything he will ever do. he won't get to be with autumn." - jack

“this baby isn't what's left over from our love story. this baby is our story's continuation.” - autumn

"if only i'd told her that i loved her years ago, i wouldn't be here now." - finny

all in all laura you can pay for my therapy mkay?

[hxneyfarm]

18. “I shouldn’t be in love with you.” 💕💕

hhhh i love this prompt thank you so much <33 prompts from this post.

Y'know that thing people always say? About how absence makes the heart grow fonder? Yeah. Eddie gets it now.

It's been five months since Robin whisked Steve away to Chicago so she'd have someone close while she's in college, and if Eddie thought he had it bad for Steve while he was right there at his side all summer long, it's got nothin' on how bad he's got it now. Steve calls him every other Saturday, and Eddie watches the phone all fuckin' day waiting for the damn thing to ring.

It's not like they don't see each other. Steve came home with Robin over Christmas, and he spent most of his time here at the trailer with Eddie. They're not a thing, not really. They're touchy and affectionate with each other, but they always have been. That's no different than it was the summer they spent in each other's orbit, never too far out of arm's reach from one another.

But they're not a thing, because Eddie's too much of a coward to risk their friendship by confessing his feelings when there's a very real chance he's being fucking delusional.

The thing is, though, Steve doesn't call anyone else on the kind of schedule that he calls Eddie. And when he calls, they stay on the phone for hours. There shouldn't even be that much to catch up on, but Eddie finds himself making note of every little thing that happens in Hawkins that he wishes Steve could be there for.

On Eddie's birthday at the end of January, decidedly not one of their designated call days, Steve calls him. It's two minutes after midnight and Eddie's got his guitar in his lap and a pencil wedged behind his ear, and the phone rings.

"Happy birthday," Steve says quietly when Eddie picks up the phone.

Eddie twists the phone cord around his fingers. "Thanks, Stevie."

"Was I first?"

Eddie huffs out a laugh. "Yeah. Didn't even give anybody else a chance. It's barely midnight. Shouldn't you be in bed? You have work tomorrow, don't you?"

"Mmm," Steve says, a little sound of confirmation. "Wanted to call anyway. So what do you want for your birthday this year?"

You.

Eddie's overcome with that feeling again, the tingle all the way down to his toes when he thinks about how gone he is on Steve, when he imagines his smile and his laugh and the warmth of him at his side. Eddie misses him a little more every single day.

"I mean... I dunno if you could deliver, Stevie."

"Try me."

Eddie aches. It's like Steve is begging him to say it. He wants to say it. So badly.

"I shouldn't."

"You shouldn't what?"

"I shouldn't be in love with you," Eddie whispers, and then he holds his breath.

It's quiet. Steve is too quiet for too long and oh, god, he's done it now. Stupid. That was so stupid. Such an idiotic thing to say, fuck.

"I'm coming home this weekend," Steve says at last. "I'm coming home to see you and take you out."

"Because...?" Eddie's voice shakes with hope.

"Because I... I haven't felt this way about anyone in a real long time. You really couldn't tell? We almost kissed on New Years, Eds."

"Well, y'know..." Eddie stammers. "Thought I imagined that."

He remembers how close they'd been that night, how Steve's breath had smelled of beer, how Steve looked at Eddie's mouth before Eddie'd turned away from him. Here he'd been thinking he'd stopped himself from making a stupid, terrible mistake.

"I can't play it cool anymore. Being away from you has been..."

"Hard," Eddie finishes for him.

"Yeah. I wanna try this with you. I wanna try... us. That okay?"

"Seems too good to be true."

"Maybe it is. We'll never know unless we try, right?"

Eddie twists the phone cord around his fingers again and tries to hide his smile behind the receiver, even though Steve's not here to see how stupid and love drunk he looks right now.

"Sooo... I did manage to charm you with my irresistible good looks and excellent taste in music?"

"Something like that," Steve says, and there's a smile in his voice. "I'll see you this weekend."

"Can't wait."

"Happy birthday, Eds. I... I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Better late than never, big boy."

still taking requests!

[moldwood]

i've had a bluesky for probably a year or so but have never ever used it because i don't have the energy or time for more than one social media. until tumblr dies i'll be here 99% of the time, but art may start to be posted over there at least. all that is to say i logged in to make sure i still had the urls and saw this on the homepage feed whatever

I CANNOT IMAGINE THE WORLD TWITTER USERS HAVE BEEN LIVING IN WHERE THIS IS MINDBLOWING. COULD YOU IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO edit:im adding a read more for the people on mobile. don't click it. it's just to prove a point about the ridiculous number of characters you can have in a tumblr post

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right.

At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything?

We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.

Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available?

Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler.

Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector!

Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you… I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something?

Like what? I don't know. I mean… I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I'll see you around.

Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's… human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that?

They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah.

What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? 

Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung.

Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively?

A privilege. Mr. Benson… you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you.

No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that?

Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it.

Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren't your real parents!

Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man?

What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it's just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? 

They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me.

Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security.

You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That's Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac?

Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that?

It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

[billdecker]

so yesterday i left the grounds of my flat for the first time since march and stuff happened...

my dentist on the edge of the town centre and is across the road from the town's biggest supermarket, a high school, and the town college so the traffic was mayhem. i was anxiety ridden anyway because of my agoraphobia, general the world outside being Too Much, and my dentist phobia, but being late on top of that sent me to the edge of meltdown. I think it shows that I am very slowly progressing because not too long ago I would've just lost my mind and not be able to go through with the appointment.

got there right on time. bossed my appointment. I still have loads of work to have done but my dentist gave me a good report and said I just need to be more confident brushing my teeth. so I was feeling Very Happy with myself and went to sit in the reception area while my partner sorted out my prescription and next appointment. he helps me to sit down, makes sure I'm calm, and then heads down to the other end of the room. the reception is empty except for me, two women and two kids (age around 14 and 8/9).

the youngest kid then says to her mum in the LOUDEST WHISPER EVER, "she's fat." And yes, I am. I'm a uk30, which is big. I have shit mobility. it's a viscious of circle of that I need to go outside to practice walking again and yet I'm stuck in my flat because of agoraphobia, and the reason I'm so agoraphobic is because I've literally had people point and laugh at me in the street and shout abuse because of my size. this was even before people thought it was okay to film strangers on the street and post it online.

I gave them my best death glare. The mum goes, 'Shhhh!' and the little girl and her sister spend the rest of the time I'm in reception nudging each other, trying to look at me when I'm not looking, and trying not to laugh. I somehow kept it together and avoided another massive meltdown or saying something I regret and being unable to return to the dentist because of embarrassment. My partner came back to me, we left, and then my dad took my partner to the supermarket to get some stuff. I stayed in the car and listened to my dad rant about the us election and bitcoin and had to explain doge to him.

I kept it all in until I got home and then I told my partner and had a good cry. I've tried to focus on the positive in that I got through my appointment with very few tears shed and I'm making good progress on my treatment. I vaguely mentioned it on my IG post I made because I was proud of going outside, and then today my auntie comments and part of her comment is, 'at least you got someone coming home at night.' what the fuck has that got to do with going to the dentist?? i'm sorry your husband died three years ago diane but what the fuck???

usually when I go outside I need weeks to recover from it. i don't have that. next wednesday i am finally going to see my gp to ask for an autism referral. i'm already bricking it. my bff is doing hers through right to choose with an online psychiatry place, and while i'd be seen a lot quicker I don't feel comfortable with using teams things and am wary about being able to express myself through a screen. the downside is if i wait for the nhs then i'll be waiting for years.

that's if my gp agrees. he's a dick. i asked him for weight loss help/psych help with my binge eating and he referred me to a private weight loss group that focused on group bootcamp exercises which why the fuck would i ever go to that when i'm agoraphobic?? the private weight loss people said that my only other option was vouchers for slimming world. they did no one-to-one psych or counselling.

anyway wish me luck for next wednesday. i'm gonna need it for getting out of the flat again with the confirmed fear that i could get actually laughed at and people are no kinder, let alone getting myself referred for an assessment.

[zayne-snowman]

Main 4 (please queue for Zayne's birthday❤️)

My love language is (offering) gifts and he must feel that love today😩 damn this is long af, my apologies 😭 I can only justify myself by saying I simply had to for Zayne✨️❄️

------------------

"Happy birthday Zayne!" I say cheerfully as you walk in (main 4). I'm setting down an ice and snow themed birthday cake, carefully made and decorated to match your aesthetic and tastes. I hand you a homemade voucher that promises a full dinner and dessert on me whenever you want. I "forgot" to add an expiry date. Enclosed with the voucher is a very long letter elaborating why and how much I love you. There's also a few other gifts on the table....

For Doctor Zayne:

*hands you the best macarons (naturally), a portable smart desk lamp that automatically adjusts in real time so your eyes won't be strained, a fountain pen and notebook (to make up for all the pens I stole and lost) and tickets to see your favourite museum exhibition. We also have a reservation at that restaurant you've been wanting to go for a while*

For the Dawnbreaker:

*offers you a large box of your alltime favourite chocolates. Also hands you a better preserved "vintage" copy of Linkon City's official tourbook. While Linkon has definitely seen better days, Chanxia City was not as devasted and is said to resemble the vibe and ambience of Linkon before the catastrophe. So... I've made arrangements to go sightseeing there for a few days*

For the Foreseer:

*got Jas to help me find and request the presence of your favourite Articyons to celebrate with you in your throne room. There's fully bloomed jasmine bouquets everywhere to represent all the budding flowers from your memories, that haven't bloomed....yet. (Working on that, trust me.) I'm wearing the new dress you wanted to see me in as I ask you for a dance this time....hides the virgin killer dress for later......*

For the Master of Fate:

*wears the style of robes you wanted to see me in. There's both sweet and savoury zongzi and other snacks that lean towards the sweet side. I've done overtime all week on all of my tasks so please, please, let's take your birthday off. I've been practicing the guqin and since Hua and Bai no longer run away screeching, I should be able to play happy birthday somewhat decently? Anyways...my dance practice has definitely paid off and I can't wait to prove it as I hand you the instrument*

Bonus, for the best College Student:

*respects your boundaries and keeps my distance but I simply can not resist sneaking in a birthday card and macarons to your desk. The birthday card simply wishes you a happy birthday, acknowledges you're easily the smartest student in this whole university and casually suggests if you go to (Linkon's best brunch place) and tell them you're Zayne, someone's reserved a birthday meal for you...*

-🌺

Dr Zayne:

He smiles when he sees the cake, but mostly he smiles at the fact that you put so much care into his birthday. He takes the voucher and reads the letter carefully, a soft blush on his ears, then he kisses you.

"I love you. Thank you so much for all of this."

He turns his head to the other presents and looks them over.

"These are all so... So thoughtful. You didn't need to buy me so many things, but I appreciate every single one of them. If you don't mind, I'll have a macaron now. I'll take the lamp and the office supplies to the hospital when I return to work. And I promise you will like the exhibition and the restaurant just as much as I will. If you don't, I guess that'll give me an idea for what not to do on your birthday," he chuckles.

Dawnbreaker:

He stops in his tracks at the surprise, then moves closer to hug you. The gifts are so much more than he expected, and there's a permanent smile plastered to his face as he takes it all in.

"You didn't have to... I'm glad you did, but I hope it wasn't too much trouble..."

With your permission, he takes the gifts one by one in curiosity.

"I want to share the chocolate with you, but I'll be taking a piece now. ...Where did you find this tourbook? This is... Incredible... I'm excited for the trip, even more by the fact that we'll go together. Thank you. For everything. I love you."

The Foreseer:

He gives Jas a look, as if saying 'So that is why you were leading me here' then turns his attention back on you. The first thing he does is read the letter. In the process, his eyes keep darting back to you.

"I expected another one of your attempts to mess with me, but this... I hope you will allow me to write you a response letter, later."

He puts away the letter in his robes with a smile and looks at everything else.

"Everything looks beautiful. How did you manage all of this without my knowledge? I feel like we should keep all of it as is, it will make the Tower look more lively," he takes your hand, pulling you close, "let us dance. There is nothing I would like more."

Later, he absolutely adores the dress, but it doesn't stay on you for long.

Master of Fate:

A soft smile forms on his lips at the surprise. He pockets the voucher and the letter, intending to read it later to avoid getting flustered in front of you.

"You look wonderful. I'm glad you took my suggestion. Alright, we'll take today off."

He sits down and listens to you play 'Happy Birthday'; it's an okay performance, but to him it's fantastic. Then he takes the instrument and starts playing a gentle melody.

"Let's see how much you've improved. Tell me if you get tired and want me to stop playing, you know what happens after dancing for a God," he chuckles, falling silent to admire you.

College Zayne:

He arrives at his desk and raises an eyebrow at the items he finds. He reads the card then tosses it away, but the macarons are quickly secured into his bag.

"Of course I'm the smartest, no need to point out the obvious... I guess I'll go to that restaurant after class. It better not be a prank. ...Who even did this?"

In his heart, he's actually grateful for all of this since he's not used to celebrating it, much less someone wishing him a happy birthday that's not his parents. He enjoys the meal greatly, and for a moment, he's able to forget about his studies.

[6-hours]

Pretty much a diary entry

I just binged Nagata Kabi's stuff since I found it in the library and it felt like a thing I needed in the moment...

The cycle of feeling bad, then feeling good, then feeling bad, etc etc just reminds me that personal suffering doesn't have a narrative arc. You suffer, you overcome, and honestly the "overcome" part might not even be permanent. In the pit of suffering you can't tell if it'll ever get better and that makes it so much worse... Like what if this time, being sad is permanent.

This isn't the first time I got sad, and if my past experience is anything to judge by, I'll probably get over this sadness too. Then forget about it and go be sad about something or other again!!! It's a cycle!!!! It never stops!!!!

Anhedonia really sucks. But this time, it made me think, "If I'm going to do stuff and not enjoy it, I might as well do something that's good for me even if I don't enjoy doing it." It was that thought that pushed me to drop some covid weight, and do physical activity (which I'd never done purposefully in my entire life until right now!!!). (Like if I'm going to be sad at least I can try to be physically healthy I guess)

And I have a lot of time that I have trouble filling, so I take my time to do stuff that I'd always thought was annoying or a waste of time. Sometimes I walk 20 mins to the grocery store to get a single jug of milk. I take my time to actually clean the bathroom or kitchen. I don't resent maintenance chores as much as I used to. It's something that should be done, and I have time to do it, and the time isn't coming out of something I'd rather be doing. I haven't overcome that hurdle when it comes to cooking though... Thankfully my spouse is happy to handle food.

I'm working on a personal project that's supposed to be "as big as it needs to be, take as long as it will end up taking". I've always had a hard time with something like that because I guess external validation is very tied to my enjoyment of drawing. If I don't get some kind of feedback the enjoyment has to derive purely from my own belief in the project... This is something that basically drove me to utter sadness in thesis year college because I had shut down socially. When I wasn't talking to people, every missed point of contact played out in my head as a scenario where other people directly rejected me. (So and so didn't talk to me when I walked by them in the hall! They must have so little interest in me they don't even want to talk to me! Completely forget the fact that I said absolutely nothing to them!!!)

Anyway! I really took some time to dissect what parts about this project is

Something I wish I could be capable of doing

Something I kept thinking about doing

What are the hard parts about it that I thought I wasn't good enough for

What kind of work I need to put in to make the hard parts possible

I've managed to dismantle some illusions I have about "good artists" and how "good work" actually comes about. I also put aside the thoughts of "this isn't good enough for the kind of scope you want". (The prof in college that said "Do your research! People can tell when you haven't done your research!" really paralyzed me. I had no idea how much research is "enough", especially when it came to something I didn't obsess over, and if it's not "enough" I'll be scrutinized to the ends of the earth. Why put myself through that scrutiny? Why bother doing anything, ever? You can't be criticized for doing something badly if you never do it at all. Take that,!!!!)

The point of doing this project is, I think, to prove to myself that I did it. And at the end of it maybe do another one. Then at the end of all these projects, I can say to myself, look at the body of work you produced! It might not be good, it might not be liked by other people, heck maybe no one else other than you ever saw or knew it existed. But! I put all the thoughts in my head into a physical form. It gets to exist more than it used to.

[w1ld-wr1t3r]

just found your blog! could you share more about your spiderverse au please if you don't mind! 🫶 or about any other au you feel like ☺️

Happily! The Spiderverse AU is one that needs more fleshing out anyway, so I'm happy to talk about it!

The main plot is, basically, a rehash of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, but with a few tweaks to certain character arcs and plot points. I'll go through some main points:

The story still takes place in NYC, mostly because it's Spider-Man's signature city and it's also a city I've visited before, so I'm somewhat familiar with it. We're just gonna ignore the fact that literally all of the characters are European for now.

Lando fills in the role of Miles. Like Miles, he's going to a special school in the city, though unlike Miles, he's in college, not high school. He's going to school for a degree in graphic design, as a nod to how much he enjoys designing his own helmets in real life. And since I'm also an art major, I can give him an accurate course schedule, too!

Do I even have to say what the main ship is anymore? In this story, Lando and Martijn are at the very start of their relationship, only recently having gotten together. They still live in separate apartments but have started talking about moving in together. Martijn is also an EMT-in-training (this is the second AU where I've given him some sort of medical profession. Is there a pattern there?)

The roles of the other Spiders are filled by Carlos, Oscar, Charles, George, and Alex. No Spider-Ham here, sorry! I mean, I guess I could do Spider-Leo . . . no, not in the first story. Maybe in a sequel! I don't want to get bogged down with too many Spider-characters too fast.

Both Maxes (Max F and Max V) have important roles in this story, though I may have to apologize in advance for what I do to them. For now let's just say that one has a lot of trauma and one has an unfortunately short story arc.

That's all for now, I think. While there are certain other details I could reveal, I'd like to save them as surprises, even though anyone who's familiar with the movie could probably guess them before the first chapter is even done. I'll have to come up with clever ways to reveal the twists!

[confessions-official]

so i'm going through the process of a name change, first and last. first for gender(ish) reasons and last... is more complicated.

my dad wasn't around when i was a kid, and a couple years back he died. his mother, though, is an absolute saint. if there's nothing else i know in this world, i know that my dad's mom is always gonna support me in what i do: she knows i write erotica for a living, she knows i'm openly bisexual and genderqueer, she supports me no matter what i do or who i am. she's taken me so many places, and the rest of my dad's side of the family are genuinely sweet, loving people, even though i don't see them much because they mostly live overseas except grandma. they all say i remind them of my dad.

i was raised by my maternal grandmother and my mom. my mom is alright- she's done great things for me, but she wasn't around for me a lot when i was very little and she's never been there emotionally. she doesn't support my queerness. but she does love me, just bad at showing it. my maternal grandmother is an absolute hellbeast. words can't describe how much i hate her. she's abusive to every degree possible, she's had to have CPS called on her before, and she hates everything about me just to make me miserable. she constantly says things just to terrorize and torment me.

when i first mentioned wanting a legal name change, she threatened to kick me out of the house if i went through with it. i didn't let it stop me: i'm not graduating college under an incorrect name, and i'm not going to spend the next 4 years being wrongly named by every government or healthcare professional i ever interact with.

so when i went to submit my paperwork to the county clerk, i ended up deciding that i would change my last name and take my dad's. i had already thought on it for a long time, because i did plan on going no-contact after moving out, and dad's last name is way cooler anyway, but it was concrete after that threat.

so now i have the new birth certificate and everything, and i'm going to the social security office to start updating my stuff soon, and mom knows because i'll probably need her help updating my insurance because i'm still under hers, and she's just. i know she has good reason to be upset because dad was there for me even less than she was, and her mom took care of me when she was working, and all that, but she just flat-out said to me she wasn't happy with my decision but that she still loves me unconditionally, and i can't help but feel like shit. being raised primarily by my abuser taught me that love would always be conditional and it stings so bad now to actually feel that it's not.

.

[toon-kirby]

(apologies for potentially double-posting)

any headcanons pertaining to the first gen trio and the way they parent their sons?

Alright, I finally got this done... because I did all the first gen parents! Surprise!

Siggy/Dee - Deirdre, having grown up in the woods, ended up opting for a very natural parenting style. Organic and home grown foods, minimal/reused plastic, lots of outdoor time, etc. Sigurd makes enough money for that kind of lifestyle, though Deirdre knows how to do it on a budget. She's not extreme about it, though. Sigurd's introduced her to lots of cool things she didn't have growing up (like video games that aren't hand me downs from people at church). With his encouragement, she's also working on her degree at the local college. Not sure what she's going for, but probably something Earth Science related. Deirdre tries to schedule her classes while Seliph is at school, but when she can't, she has Oifey babysit him.

Quan/Ethlyn - Quan is very into good grades, so both Leif and Altena are in tutoring and private school. They're also both in sports as soon as they're old enough. Altena is really good at soccer, and by goodness does Quan make sure to brag about it to Travant. Ethlyn isn't very happy about this. Travant's a widower, he doesn't need someone bullying him! Quan just needs to let this stupid rivalry go. Plus, Altena seems to be friends with Arion! Quan shouldn't ruin that!

Eldie/Granhye - Very classy parents. I mean, it's Eldigan and Granhye. Ares began music lessons at a very young age, just like his father. These paid off, though not in the way anyone expected. Ares ended up being into punk and metal music rather than classical. Instead of getting mad, Eldigan and Granhye decided to embrace it (granted Ares keeps his grades and behevior good). His electric bass is his favorite present ever. He nicknamed it Missiletainn.

Midir/Edain - Edain found out early on that she really liked to read books to her kids. She ended up volunteering at the local library to read more books, and that's how the little Tirnanog friend group came to be. She and Midir take turns staying at home since neither of them have a standard monday-friday schedule. They make sure to spend a lot of time together when they're both off. Family board game nights are a regular occurence in their house.

Lex/Ayra - The sporty parents. As soon as Larcei and Schatach were old enough they enrolled them in soccer. Then came martial arts, swimming, you name it. The kids' diet probably consists of Issachian home cooking, granola bars, and gatorade. Shannan has stepped in multiple times to babysit or get the kids to practice. He's the super cool older cousin, after all!

Azelle/Tailtiu - Super nerdy parents. I'm talking DND and cosplay type nerdy. Tine was born premature, so they spent a lot of time in the hospital. The nurses absolutely adored Arthur. They were all so happy when he started to walk and say his first words. Hilda, however, was jealous of all the attention Tailitu and Tine got when they finally came home.

Finn/Lachesis - I think your headcanons about Finn and Lachesis being Malewife and Girlboss are pretty spot on. Lachesis has some sort of high ranking office job, while Finn stays at home. Diarmuid sometimes spends time with Beowulf (his bio dad), but lives with Finn and Lach. Beo's very chill about the entire thing and even gives Nanna gifts for her birthday and christmas. (Slightly off topic, but in an AU where all the games exist at the same time, I can see Finn being really good friends with Dedue since they're so similar. I mean, their leiges are even both voiced by Chris Hackney!)

Alec/Sylvia - I actually headcanon Lene and Coirpre to have different fathers in canon, as Coirpre was young enough to get the attention of the cult and that wouldn't be possible if Coirpre was born pre-Belhalla (though he does have severe baby face). Anyways, since this is a modern au with no cults or political scheming (hopefully), I'll go with them both being Alec's kid. Neither Alec nor Sylvia ended up with a high paying job, so money was tight. Then Alec got a job under Hannibal. He became close to the family and agreed to become the children's godfather. He likes to spoil the kids since he could never have any kids of his own. I'm thinking of Uncle Drosselmeyer from the Nutcracker from some reason. Speaking of Ballet, Lene's lessons are free since Sylvia works at the studio. Coirpre… well I'll be honest, I don't know what he'd be doing.

Lewyn/Erinys - Not a day goes by where these two can't figure out how Ced ended up being a straight a student. Erinys was a good student, but she wasn't super into it. And Lewyn… well, Lewyn is Lewyn. Fee ended up more free-spirited and laid back like her dad, though to a more responsible degree. She credits this to having her dad's love for life mixed with her mom's responsibility.

Jamke/Brigid - Somewhere inbetween Ayra/Lex and Edain/Midir on the parenting style spectrum. Patty ended up really enjoying gymnastics, so they kept her enrolled in it. She also took up magic tricks, including (to Jamke and Brigid's dismay) lock picking. Super cool cousin Dew totally didn't teach her that. Febail took up archery like his father.

[mrs-monaghan]

Was reading this jikook au, and it suddenly got very understandable for me why jk behaved like that with jimin in those early years. The author caught their dynamic so well, even if was a college au.

Jk was totally unprepared for The Park Jimin, didn't know how to react to someone filled with so much love, and being the victim of that amount of love hehe. Boy was probably overwhelmed.

Anyway, here you go if you're a fic reader

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16146362#main

I....... do not read Jikook fanfiction. Idk whether its because they're real people or what? But I don't read like the serious stuff. I only read the twitter crack AUs because they're not to be taken too seriously. Like I have it on good authority this one will make me laugh so I'm reading it tonight. But of course I'll post this for anyone who reads on ao3 to check yours out.

Is it hypocritical of me that I looooove watching them though? For example I've seen everything by this lady. (Warning everything she makes always ends up being Mpreg so maybe stop watching when Jikook get together and are finally happy) I highly recommend her stuff. She comes through with that angst.

I love this one. Have seen it more than once. (Episode 2 is my fav. The angst is sooooo good. The clips chosen for it are perfect 👌🏽 i love it alot)

And this one is a personal favourite. Definitely NOT pG13 👀 but really well done. She always has the right clips for everything

This one also gets quite explic!t when Jikook get together so definitely don't watch on the big screen when kids are home 😂😂

Also love this one

I've seen all their stuff but these 4 are my fav.

Now to some short AUs that I love. First of all, if you're not following Arch on twitter you are missing out!!

This one is my fav 🥵 -- Hindsight.

Damn! 🔥 And then it ends up here

I really shouldn't recommend this one because (we don't talk about Yoonmin) its not a Jikook happy ending. But it hurts so good 😭😭😭 OP somehow managed to find a clip of JK with his voice breaking and my heart clenches every single time 😩😩 No, but really watch this one at your own risk.

I think some of you might enjoy this a bit too much but I quite like it. V's boyfriend cheats on him with his bestfriend and well... poor V 😪

I think its well done. It has 47k views and I believe the 40k are me 🤭🤭

What happens when Jimin gets kidnapped? This one is amazing!! 💚💚💚💚

Eh? This one 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

This is just sweet and cute.

I love this one alot 🥰🥰

I don't read but I enjoy my fair share of watching. It's funny because I don't imagine Koreans would enjoy these things since they know what the members are actually saying 😂😂😂 Anyway, whoever chooses to watch these have fun. I'm sure YT will recommend many more once you're done. Enjoy!

[big-mayo-official]

What if?

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into ouryou think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar,

[chaoticrobotics]

Please don't rush your comics take it slow and steady I know many people are eager to see more from your comics but please don't forget your human you need to take breaks from time to time art burnout isn't a joke I myself was once a artist and i quit that because it didn't bring me much joy anymore because of excessive burnout so please from one artist to another Take a breather maybe plan what your gonna do for the story going forward maybe take some inspiration from the game or something though whatever the outcome I will honor it.

Oh don't worry about the story itself. I have it all planned out and am absolutely not changing it (other than possible dialogue changes, I have the major plot points all set though). So that's not the issue.

It was the actual art itself. You are right, art burnout isn't a joke, and honestly I'm pretty sure I've never been closer to quitting art than when I was making Security Alert. The only difference with me is, art is one of the very few things that bring me any sense of joy. It's literally either a select few video games, or making art/stories, and at the time of making Security Alert I was in a video game burnout too and struggling through college.

All of that built up to make me miserable to draw and probably super depressed looking back at it (though I wouldn't hit a true low until my last semester, if I was still trying to do the comic then I don't think I would have made it).

Anyway, thank you for your words. I do appreciate them! I am going to take my time with this comic. Maybe even try out a different format or something. Smaller parts or less detail in the art. I just want to get the story out, and since I am not a writer, I have to draw it. But I'll definitely be taking my time when drawing it.

I'll be honest, I don't know how many people might have realized it, but I am a serial procrastinator that needs deadlines to get shit done, and I get stuff done all in one go or not at all. So all those big parts I posted? Those were all done in basically one sitting. Some of them were done in 3 days with me getting a total of like 3-4 hours of sleep on the weekend, not even counting the editing I did for videos. So you can probably see why I started to resent the comic and start to burn out from it.

I'm literally just rambling now, but I wanted people to know a little bit about what I went through since I know not everyone will be as understanding as you or other people who have sent in kind words to me in the past. I've learned my lesson then, and since I am not in college anymore, I won't feel rushed to get things out before the weekend is done or be rushing myself to make people happy.

It honestly all really sucks because I was always so happy to post the comic/tiktok and pass out finally, then to wake up to a flood of nice messages. But it would all too soon go away because only a day (sometimes not even) after posting people would be demanding the next part. It just sucks since I did have fun a lot, but also had that fun drained away just as quickly.

I don't even know what I am trying to say anymore. Thank you for the nice words. I will keep to my word about not rushing myself or pushing myself too much. I do feel like I am, at some point, going to try doing what I did before and pull all nighters and fuck up my sleep schedule drastically, but I'm hoping I will recognize the signs this time and take a step back once I possibly start doing that.

So don't be upset (saying this to the general audience/whoever reading this, not specifically you) if at some point in the future, if the comic does continue, that there might be another hiatus. Will definitely try not to go on a basically year long hiatus like I did last time, but depending on how my mental state is, it might be a pretty long one.