#anyway i'm so excited and i wish the album was out Now

[riddlerosehearts]

WOOO GUESS WHO'S GOING TO SEE FALL OUT BOY IN ATLANTA THIS SUMMER

[kookslastbutton]

Those Eyes Chico ༓ myg (m) | chapter two

✑ Summary: As the new marketing director for Min Yoongi’s upcoming D-Day album & tour, you’re expected to bring your expertise to the table. This shouldn’t be a problem—you’re the best in the business and you’re used to drawing a strict line between your professional and personal life. But what happens when the lines you’ve fought to keep as separate blur for the first time?

pairing: idol!yoongi x plus size!poc!reader

genre/AU: angst, fluff, smut, slowburn, coworkers2friends2lovers, winter setting, forbidden love

word count: 6.1k+

warnings: This chapter in particular is written from Yoongi's perspective, oc is 28, Yoon is 30, oc is not originally from South Korea, oc has light brown eyes, swearing, mentions of alcohol consumption, smoking, mentions of body shaming by Hybe executive, bestie!tae is wonderful support 🥹, light fighting between members (literally crack), Namjoon has a little crush, Oc being a total boss at work bc she is amazing at her job, and cute & meaningful Yoon and OC interactions that make them finally start bonding (a little flirty too, hehe) 😉

now playing: Sweet Dreams by The Last Shadow Puppets

a/n: CHAPTR TWO IS HERE! GOD...the slow burn exists outside the series too with me not updating for two months. I'm sorry guys but TYSM for your patience! I'm VERY excited to release this chapter bc I think Yoon & Oc are super cute, hehe. Okay anyway, this series is dedicated to my wonderfully crazy friend and sorta beta, Gloom @theuselessdaydreamingidiot, and to all our fellow Yoon lovers bc we miss our sweet man SO MUCH 🥺 Enjoy! 🥰 Also huge thank you to @itaeewon for designing this beautiful series header! Love it!!

Series Masterlist | next chapter >>

Yoongi stands with his hands placed loosely on his hip, chest heaving as he attempts to catch his breath. The seven of them had been practicing choreography for their new RUN BTS song nonstop when Jimin called for a much-needed, fifteen-minute break. There’s a part of him that’s thanking the younger for it and another that’s wishing he hadn’t, as every moment left alone with his thoughts is spent decoding his last encounter with you at the cafeteria.

Why had you made such a beeline for the exit the moment he was waved over by his member?

You also completely ignored his attempts to greet you on your way out. He only stopped by the cafeteria to slip an orange in his pocket before returning to his studio. He didn’t mean to intrude or incite that you had to leave with his sudden presence.

Taehyung assured him that you merely left to tend to work matters, which he’d typically sum as hyper-fixation with one’s work as he’s prone to do the same, but this felt different at its core. Your behavior seemed more intentional than that. The last thing he wants to do is misread the whole situation, but he must’ve done or said something to cause your uneasiness.

“Hyung, how did the album meeting go this morning?” A clear voice comes from Yoongi's left as his fellow band member, Namjoon, strides next to him, water bottle clenched in his fist. Like himself, large droplets of sweat dots around the man’s brow. The minor interruption shakes Yoongi out of his slightly dazed state.

“Went well.” He takes a big swish of his own water before screwing the cap back on. “We reviewed everything in three hours and the album looks better than I anticipated. There are a couple of promotional strategies that still need finalizing, but I’m pretty confident about it overall.”

“That’s great, man. __-nim’s been doing good work with TXT for the last few years, so she’s definitely suited for the job. I thought about requesting her help to promote Indigo but the timing of it all didn’t work.” Namjoon’s voice drops an octave at the last part, as if remorseful for more than a missed professional opportunity.

“Ah, maybe your next album hyung,” Jimin suddenly chimes in, slapping the taller man on the shoulder from the side. “I have a feeling you and __-nim would work well together. Think about it, you’re both natural born leaders and you’re smart too. I bet __ -nim has as high of an IQ as you.”

Namjoon’s cheeks flush with the faintest tint of rose as Jimin flashes a knowingly cheeky grin. Yoongi, of course, witnesses the entire exchange, the slightest part of him feeling uprooted by the thought of his band member and new marketing manager suddenly hitting it off. He decides not to comment on the matter, choosing to remain in ignorance instead. This is all speculation, right?

Now that they’re all on the subject of his album though, it gets him thinking that maybe he’s been too narrow viewed regarding the reason for your off putting behavior at lunch.

D-Day’s release has become a consuming priority lately, with everyone involved worked to the bone. Aside from himself, you’ve been bearing the brunt of it. He’s appreciative of course, considering the album holds a deep sense of meaning to him, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want it to be perfect. A little pushback during the first proposal is natural, yet he did get more resistant toward ideas during this morning’s meeting than anticipated. Perhaps some of his nitpicking was unnecessary, adding to your already heavy load.

Yoongi’s head feels worse the longer he entertains the possibility. He doesn’t want to make the first time working together a complete whirlwind, especially this early. A strong, healthy partnership starts with trust, safety, and mutual respect. The same philosophy can be applied to relationships of varying natures. That reminds him—since when did Taehyung and you become so close? He’s been ruminating over it all afternoon, like a jigsaw puzzle he can’t solve.

It’s odd how little he knows.

“I heard someone mention __-nim over here. I want in.” A small grumble leaves Yoongi’s lips as Jungkook pushes next to him, displeased by how tiny his space bubble has gotten due to the huddle his members have formed around him. Just why the hell is everyone so interested in his new marketing director? That's what he wants to know.

“Can you introduce me to her sometime hyung?" Jungkook pleads. "I’m thinking about releasing an album in the next year and it’d be great if you could hook us up…yknow?”

Oh, Yoongi knows. He knows exactly what this young buck is insinuating, but it isn’t mating season yet and even if it were he will do no such thing as to “hook them up”. Besides, his conscience tells him that you wouldn't be interested in the company of a younger man anyway—not that your dating life is any of his business or anything.

“Get in line Jungkookie, behind Namjoon. He needs her for his album first.” Jimin squeezes down on Namjoon’s muscular shoulders with both hands, shaking him just enough to hype him up. His hands are removed seconds later when he’s told to knock it off.

“That’s enough about this, okay? I’m pretty sure Yoongi-hyung is the only one who actually needs __-nim right now because, in case you dumbasses have forgotten, D-Day is set to release in April,” Namjoon scolds the two with a commanding tone. Jungkook, per usual, remains persistent in his original request and keeps his full attention on Yoongi.

“Anyway hyung, as I was saying, I know your album takes priority so I’m in no hurry to meet her. I can be pretty patient as you know-“

“Heh, that’s a lie.”

“Shove it Jimin, no one’s talking to you.” Jungkook’s eyebrows scrunch together as Jimin snorts helplessly next to Namjoon.

“You shove it Kook,” Jimin counters. “And stop trying to date __-nim! Find your own woman!”

“I’m not trying to date her! She's my noona for gods sake! Do you think I’m oblivious to how the public reacts to idols dating? Also, __-nim is a Hybe employee, not an idol. I can only imagine the type of scandal the media would spin it as.”

“Right, we all know you actually just want to take her to your bed instead,” Jimin interrupts for the umpteenth time. “Our handsome leader, on the other hand, is interested in her professional abilities. We can learn a lot from him.”

“Why are you always trying to start a fight with me Jimin? Is it because I can take you, now that I've been building up more muscle?” Jungkook’s accusations earn him nothing more than a sea of eye-rolls until Jimin lunges himself towards him, puffing out his chest the best he can to size him up.

Namjoon rubs his face with a hand, a clear visual display of his exhaustion. He’s been moderating these stupid squabbles for nine years now. “Alright very mature, biggest boy band in the world and this is what it’s come to? Amazing, congrats to everyone for winning the award for most-”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Seokjin interjects, effortlessly shouting over everyone while waving his hands. “My brothers…why are we fighting over here like a couple of peacocks? We are all beautiful in our own, individual ways. Mine, for example, is my handsome face.”

“For the love of god hyung, we’re trying to settle something. Go take your inspirational pep talk elsewhere!” Jungkook bends his knees, swooping down to throw Jimin over his shoulder but he misses when the man starts tickling him ruthlessly.

“St-ah-stop it Jimin!"

“You stop it, you frickin’ brat! Trying to take advantage of our hyungs for your own selfish gain.” Jimin then slaps Jungkook on the ass which does not go unappreciated as Hoseok cackles from the other side of the room. Up until this point, he’s been scrolling on his phone, completely unbothered by the chaos. As Hoseok nears the action, Jungkook delivers a swift kick to Jimin’s rear end.

“Ow, what the fuck Kook?!” Jimin tries soothing the sting by massaging it with his hands. “You little prick!”

“Oh come on, I barely hit you. Gaining sympathy points won’t help this time, plus I see you trying to hide a grin. You think this shit is funny. You’re sick you know that?”

Jimin makes a move to return the kick to his youngest member but ends up hitting a far taller, and leaner subject instead. Taehyung, who just returned from the bathroom, throws a hand over his abdomen and grunts from the sudden impact.

“What is—shit Jimin that really hurt!” Taehyung’s baritone voice echoes off the walls as he winces from the pain. He takes a few deep breaths, then viciously eyes the two brawlers followed by the rest of the room. “What the hell is going on? I heard you all talking about __-nim from the hallway. Yoongi-hyung here is trying to kick off his album and tour, which we are supposed to be celebrating over drinks this Friday, but here you are arguing with each other and who has the biggest dick. Well, you can all put it away because as __-nim’s best friend, and number one wingman, only I’m allowed to set her up with someone and it won’t be with any of you! Sorry hyung…” he looks at Namjoon who appears to have brushed the comment off.

As soon as Taehyung ceases his mini-speech, eery silence sets in. Hoseok is the first to dare say a word.

“Uh, so what’s this about being her best friend Tae?”

“Yeah, I had no idea either.” Jimin quirks his head to the side, awaiting the details.

“Same,” Namjoon adds in a short breath.

“What happened to us, man?” Jungkook pouts at Taehyung, a total 180 from moments ago when he was in an unsolicited sparring match with Jimin. “You used to share everything with me. Now you’re holding out on me. Since when did you and __-nim start hanging out?”

Yoongi’s ears perk up for the first time since all the commotion began, curious to hear Taehyung’s response. He only recently discovered the blossoming friendship hours ago and even then, it was a brief inside look.

“I didn’t think to mention it but yeah, we started talking since her first day at Hybe. I bumped into her on the way into work, early morning for both of us. I expected her to be a bit on the reserved side, considering she was a new hire, but she was quite friendly. The more we talked, the more I felt like I knew her as if a childhood best friend I’d reconnected with.” Pausing, he wets his lips before continuing. ���We share a lot of our meals together now, like our lunches during the weekday. Her food tastes amazing by the way. I think she missed her calling as a chef but it’s more than food— it’s a love language, a labor of love.”

“Wow, you two sure are connected,” Hoseok speaks first again, seeing the rest of his members working to process the new bit of info.

“Platonically, yes.”

“This’ll be good for Yoongi-hyung and his album then! No bad blood exists here!” Hoseok shifts his gaze between Taehyung and Yoongi, pleased with the outcome. The older of the two remains speechless, yet it’s far from a dazed expression. Yoongi is instead deep in thought, the wheels turning in his head.

So maybe it’s true that birds of a feather flock together, he hums to himself. The two of you seem to be social butterflies with a vase full of commonalities. He, on the other hand, prefers his solitude. That’s not to say he’s a hermit or anything though. Hybe hosts a company-wide New Year’s Eve party every single year and he’s made his best effort to attend them all. He mainly mingles with his members, but he still makes sure to small talk with other coworkers. Come to think of it, did he even see you at last year’s New Year’s Eve party?

He can’t remember much from the night except Seokjin scolding him for not wishing him a happy birthday the minute the clock struck midnight. He was a bit tipsy at that point. Taehyung disappeared soon after to make his usual rounds, stopping to chat with everyone in his path. Maybe he took off to talk to you during that time.

Okay, he really needs to stop thinking about you.

"Just to confirm, is everyone still on for Friday night to celebrate D-Day?" Jimin pipes. "I booked us a good place to have some food and drinks.

Taehyung nods, "I am, as long as it's not the same place we saw our CFO and his much younger date feeding each other. I couldn't eat for the rest of that night."

Jungkook fakes a gag before replying. "I'm sorry but does anyone know how is he still working here? Guy creeps me out."

"I swear, I couldn't agree more. Just yesterday he made an egregiously body-shaming comment toward __-nim to someone else on the board. She kept a brave front when she told me, but I'm damn tempted to get him removed from his position myself!" Taehyung's nostrils flare as he shares his frustration, fingers digging into his hips.

Yoongi takes a final chug of his water before abruptly tossing the bottle on the floor. A sharp crack resounds through the space, instantly commanding the authority of the room. “Fifteen minutes is over,” he gruffs. “It might be twenty minutes with all the bickering earlier. We don't have time to be talking about this anymore.”

“Come on now," Hoseok says. "Didn't you hear what Taehyung said? Our CFO really is a class-A jerk. I feel so bad that __-nim has to put up with his bullshit, she doesn't deserve it." His eyes frantically search the room, hoping to rally support.

"Don't worry about that asshole," Yoongi assures, "I'll handle it." He strides over to his choreographed position on the dance floor as if a leader in his own right, the rest of the members following in his steps.

"Just don't kill him, hyung," Namjoon says, resting a hand on the older's shoulder from behind. Yoongi merely snorts lightly in reply.

Yoongi is dead tired, his feet feeling heavier the minute he stands from his studio chair. He could have left hours ago, but here it is nearly 9:30 at night, and he's only just leaving the office.

As he shuffles down the hallway towards the elevator, he notices the eerie silence. It's thick, almost palpable. There's not a soul left in the building this late at night. When the elevator doors open, he leans casually against the metal rail, closes his eyes, and mentally retraces his day.

Overall, it was a decent day, he thinks, productive at best. Skipping dinner to work on his album tracks was an easy decision, but he might be paying for it now given the intense growling of his stomach. Despite his songs being considered perfect by his members, he can't help but tweak each one a final time. It's as if his gut tells him there's still a piece missing from the whole.

All at once, the elevator comes to a sudden stop. Yoongi's eyes shoot open, anticipation flooding his senses. Is someone still here? He listens intently, straining to hear any sound over the faint hum of the elevator. After a few moments that feel like an eternity, the elevator doors slide open to reveal an empty, dimly lit hallway. It's the 16th floor. He hesitates for a second, peering into the shadows, but there’s no sign of anyone. Strange.

Just as the elevator doors begin to close, Yoongi hears a distant, unmistakable voice. "Please hold the door!" you plead, your voice strained with urgency. He responds immediately, stretching out an arm to block the door. "Thank you so much," you say, slipping in beside him, your bag thrown over your shoulder.

Yoongi watches as you enter, curiosity in his eyes. It seems you were of like mind tonight, working late and likely burdened by the extra work he caused for you. The feeling of tension is as clear as it was yesterday, lingering as a reminder of the unspoken discomfort between you both.

But then again, there's that issue Taehyung mentioned, looming in his thoughts. He hadn't realized you overheard the horrendous comment his CFO made about you. No wonder you hurried away from him like a bat out of hell yesterday; you knew he knew. He wouldn't dare shine a light on the situation and risk embarrassing you further; no one needs to relive such a belittling experience. Yet, he's wrestling with the right words to say.

"Heading home, Min PD-nim?" You surprise him by speaking first, voice firm with a touch of gentleness.

Yoongi allows a faint smile to tug at the corners of his lips, hoping it'll relieve some tension. "I am, it's been quite a day. What about you?"

You nod, shifting the bag on your shoulder. "Same here. Just had to wrap up a few things before heading out."

He hesitates for a moment, noting how you speak as if it were only a few minutes past five or six in the evening. "I understand. I was working in my studio up until now. I should be back up there tomorrow too," he says, then chuckles lightly, "Sometimes I feel like I should just live up there."

You return the subtle laugh and smile softly at him, your light brown eyes catching his dark ones. It feels like the same prolonged gaze you shared upon first meeting, yet now, it's somehow become easier; perhaps a hint of familiarity.

"By the way," he continues, seizing the opportunity, "feel free to call me Yoongi-ssi. I'm not that formal in case you didn't know." He playfully gestures to his casual attire; tan cargo pants, grey plaid button-down, and sneakers.

You seem hesitant towards the request at first, evident from your delayed response. "Are you sure?" you choke. "I don't want to over step my boundaries."

"There's no need to worry about that," he assures. "We're on equal level aren't we? If we're going to be working side by side for the next eight months give or take, I want us to feel comfortable with each other. Please, call me Yoongi-ssi."

"Okay, I might need some time to get used to that," you say, head nodding, "I'll try calling you Yoongi-ssi from now on."

"There's one other thing too," he pauses, "since we'll be working on D-Day's promotion from start to finish, I'll have many of my own opinions. It's a natural instinct for me, but I don't want to be a hinderance. I don't want anyone else giving you issues either, so I'd like to hear your full thoughts on matters, especially when it comes to important decisions."

"That means a lot Yoongi-ssi, thank you. I'm very grateful that you'd allow me to be a part of this and I'd very much like us to have an equal partnership. This is your album though, so I want to make sure it gets the recognition it deserves in the way you'd prefer."

Yoongi glances at the floor numbers displayed to the right of the elevator doors. Any second now and you'll reach the lobby. He wouldn't mind talking longer, but letting you both get a decent night's sleep is the far better idea at this point.

"I trust that D-Day is in the right hands with you, __ssi," he replies. "It's why I recommended that we work together to promote it in the first place. Bang PD was also confident in the idea. We don't doubt your expertise for a second." He pauses when the elevator doors slide open and allows you to be the first to exit. "Have a good night, okay?"

For the first time, you reciprocate the wish with a full, illuminating smile. It's not a professional one, Yoongi notes, its a real one—as genuine and sincere as his words. He takes it as a sign that the tides may finally be turning for the better. "You too," he hears you say before you push through the large revolving doors and step into the cool night air.

In the evenings that follow, Yoongi finds himself back in his studio as promised, a glass of whiskey in hand. He ultimately decided that if he was going to be here until all hours of the night, he might as well have a cold beverage to keep him company.

As he leans back in his chair, swirling the dark amber liquor in his glass, his mind inadvertently wanders to you. Were you downstairs again? Were you here with him? It would seem that given your unexpected late-night encounter in the elevator, the validity of the idea wouldn't be all that wild or far-fetched.

With each passing minute, as the clock inches closer to the late hours, he finds himself circling back to the same thought. It's as if the possibility of running into you has become a highlight of his night.

Just then, a deep and familiar voice interrupts. "Burning the midnight oil again, hyung?"

Startled, Yoongi looks up to see Taehyung standing in the doorway, a sympathetic smile on his face. Despite it being almost 9 at night, his younger member is nothing short of flawless in appearance.

"Yeah, working on my tracks," Yoongi replies, offering a small smile in return. "What are you doing here?"

Taehyung steps further into the room, hand tucked in his pocket. "I wanted to stay late to keep __-nim company, but I'm not sure how much longer she plans on staying tonight. I was on my way out when I figured I'd stop by to see you too."

"Well, thanks for thinking of me. Want a drink?" He offers, nodding towards the nearby whiskey bottle.

"No, thanks," Taehyung declines politely, shaking his head. "I'll let you enjoy your whiskey in peace. Although, __-nim might take you up on that same offer one of these days. She has a strong taste for it, as you do. Anyway, I'm heading out. Don't overdo it with your music, hyung, they're already perfect."

Once Taehyung leaves the studio, Yoongi's previous string of thoughts return to him tenfold.

So you really are here, he muses, and you happen to like the same throat-burning alcohol. Should he venture downstairs and offer a drink? No, that would probably be too much, and he wouldn't want to interrupt you. Maybe if Taehyung were accompanying him, but not alone; he doesn't share enough rapport with you to merit such a spontaneous drop-in yet.

No, he takes another sip of his whiskey, he'll see you tomorrow morning instead; during your morning meeting. But that gets him thinking—he's still yet to decide on whether or not he'll make an appearance on Fallon's show. He’d done it with his members numerous times, but this would be the first time doing it alone. His album would indeed benefit from the exposure, though.

"Damn it," he curses, raising from his seat. "I work my ass off. I work my ass off for it all!" He then sits back down, finishing off the rest of his whiskey in one gulp, the burn soothing his frustration momentarily. With a resigned sigh, he turns his attention back to his music. "Damn it, I guess I'll do it."

If it weren't for his phone notification reminding him of his 10 am meeting on Friday, Yoongi would have missed it entirely. Normally, he never forgets important events, but several late nights in the studio had predictably caught up with him. He feels extremely sleep-deprived today, his memory more prone to blanking than usual. Waking up with a throbbing headache at 5 am, which hasn't dimmed in the slightest, doesn’t help either. Nonetheless, with only ten minutes to spare, Yoongi has no choice but to pull himself together and head downstairs to the conference room.

"Good morning, Min PD-nim," you greet him as he walks through the door. "We're about to start."

Yoongi drags out a chair and takes a seat. You look nice today, he notes quietly to himself. He makes sure to send a small smile your way before returning the warm greeting. "Good morning __-ssi," he says. "I told you we can speak informally didn't I?"

He waits for your response, easily tuning out the startled reactions from the rest of the team. Most high-ranking officials in the organization expected to be addressed formally by those in lower positions, but here he was, openly requesting you to speak as equals. It was almost unheard of during work hours. He was Min Yoongi, after all.

"Right, of course," you reply, "You'll have to excuse me, Yoongi-ssi. It slipped my mind for a moment."

Yoongi watches as you shuffle a few papers in your hand before continuing. "To get us started, I thought we'd discuss the decision to schedule a spot on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Will we be proceeding with this?"

"After mauling it over I think it's a good idea for the album. Do we have an idea of when this would happen?"

"Ideally after the album releases and around the time the U.S. tour begins April 26th. I say we aim for early May. Given Fallon's show's high demand, we'll need to get a jump on this as soon as we can." You shift your attention to your digital marketing and promotions team. "So-hyun, can you reach out to the producers and see what strings we can pull?"

She nods, scribbling a quick note on her writing pad. "We'll reach out today. I'll let you know as soon as we get a response."

"Excellent, thank you. I'm glad to hear you're on board with this Yoongi-ssi. It'll be a great way to promote D-Day and attract a global audience. The more smartly we utilize our resources, the better your album will be positioned in the current market." You take a brief pause to flip through your notes again. "Speaking of resources, we'll need to start booking magazine shoots and interviews. I'm proposing we run cover pages with Marie Claire Korea and Vogue Japan."

Yoongi would be taken aback by the flood of ideas and schedules you're firing at him, all within the first fifteen minutes, if he weren't already aware of your level of competency. This is exactly why he chose you, he hums to himself, your preparedness is impressive, but not surprising.

"I presume this will take place next year?" he asks. "During their spring issues?"

"Absolutely. We'll submit inquiries soon to get the ball rolling, but having the shoots completed now would be premature. Plus, it'll take some time before there are any openings with the companies. I think we should be consistent with tour dates and have Marie Claire go out in May and Vogue ready in August of next year."

"Okay, I'm fine with all that but we'll need to have something exciting released now, don't we? I know I start my weekly lives tonight, but shouldn't there be something more we can do?"

"I agree," you reply. "That's why I wanted to propose a brand new idea that came to me a couple of nights ago while I was drafting promotional content. Anytime idols release a new album or music, it gets published on YouTube, right?"

He nods, curious on where you're heading. "Right."

"Why don't we start a talk show with you as the host Yoongi-ssi? It can allow your fans to see another side of you, as well as the general public. We can invite your BTS members as guests where you can discuss music or past challenges that you've had to overcome—the choice is yours. To make it more interesting for viewers, you can have these frank conversations over a glass of whiskey or soju."

"I like the idea," he says, weighing it in his mind. "What would the timeline look like for this?"

"If we move forward with the idea, I suggest December 5th and we continue it for a max of two months. I know that only leaves us with just under two weeks to get started, but creating the set shouldn't take more an a day or a day and a half. We can also easily shoot a 30 to 60-minute video in an afternoon and publish it on YouTube the following week. Of course, a preview of the show will need to go out beforehand."

"Would we be able to invite other guests to the show? Outside of my members, I mean."

"Yes, feel free to invite whoever you'd like. We can start with the member for the first several episodes but ultimately, welcoming a variety of guests from the same or differing industries would be the goal."

"If I may." A member of the social media team suddenly joins the discussion, "I think Kim Namjoon-nim might be a good person to feature first since Indigo releases December 2nd."

Yoongi nods in agreement. "I can ask him."

"That would be fantastic, actually. If his availability is limited, we could have him guest star for the second or third episode instead," you add. "Hoseok released Jack in the Box this summer so we could have him be the first guest as well."

"Do we have a name yet?"

"Suchwita," you answer without hesitation. "It's a play on words with Daechwita."

"Suchwita..." Yoongi repeats, "Time to get drunk." He chuckles at the last few words, amusing the room, but you remain contemplative.

"How about Suchwita...time to drink with Suga, instead? It's simple and has a slight whimsical nature."

"Sure, let's use that," he answers, noticing that you've already begun jotting down the idea. "Yours is better."

Despite the adrenaline from the productive meeting with you and your team, Yoongi still feels the weight of his sleepless nights bearing down on him. His headache remains relentless and he is in dire need of a moment to himself. Once the team disperses, he slips his phone into his pocket and makes his way outside. The crisp, early morning air should offer him some relief, along with the pack of cigarettes tucked in his pocket.

When he reaches the building's designated smoking area, Yoongi takes out a cigarette and lights it, taking a deep drag as he leans against the cool brick wall. As he exhales, watching the smoke dissipate into the clear sky, his thoughts drift back to the meeting. The idea of hosting a talk show, "Suchwita...time to drink with Suga," still lingers in his mind. It’s an intriguing concept, and he can already envision the relaxed, candid conversations that could come from it.

His thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the sound of footsteps crunching on the ground nearby.

"Oh, Yoongi-ssi," you say with alarm, obviously startled by his presence. "I didn't mean to interrupt you. I'll come back lat-"

"There's no need for that. Join me if you'd like." Yoongi watches as you hesitate to accept his offer, your feet already positioned to head back inside the building. "Seriously, there's plenty of room, and no matter what they'll tell you, I don't bite."

He allows himself to smirk as you carefully move beside him, only stopping when there is at least two feet of space between you both.

"Thanks," you say, pulling out your own pack of cigarettes and lighting one. "I needed a break too."

"Rough morning?"

"Just busy," you reply, leaning against the wall next to him. "But the meeting went well. We should be able to get the ball rolling now that we have a more finalized plan. I'm glad you liked the idea of starting Suchwita, by the way."

"I do," Yoongi says, nodding. "It has a lot of potential and I'm sure Namjoon will be more than happy to help us out. He's a natural at this kind of stuff. I guess it's why he's our band leader."

"You know you're good at all of this too, don't you, Yoongi-ssi?" You pause, taking a puff of your cigarette. "Even when you have a lot on your mind and a packed schedule, you have a knack for making people feel at ease. It's why I think producing Suchwita will be such a great way to connect with fans and other artists—you'll be the host."

He chuckles, appreciative of the remark. "You really think that? That I make people feel at ease? It's not what a lot of people assume."

"Nah," you reply, tilting your head up toward the clouds. "They're just on the outside looking in. Those who know you, who are around you and talk to you, will agree that you're a pretty calming presence."

"Well, I think we're not so different then." Yoongi shifts his eyes to your face, still looking up at the sky, and smiles softly. "So, what made you come to BigHit? Didn't you say you worked for Atlantic Records? That's a pretty good gig."

"Yeah, it was. I learned a lot there, and man, I was thrilled when I got offered the job as a brand manager. I've always loved music, ever since I was a kid. I could connect so intimately with the lyrics. Music is one of the few things that could soothe me during rough times, and it still does today. I'm sure you can understand."

Yoongi nods, intent on listening to your every word, intrigued by your story.

"Anyway, sorry about getting long-winded here" you chuckle. "I ultimately decided to move on when Bang PD reached out and offered me the marketing manager position for TXT. It gave me the chance to be a more integral part of bringing music to individuals who need it most. It's like we say, 'music for art and healing.' I'd never had the opportunity to manage a completely new set of musicians before either, let alone a group. Plus, being on the global marketing team? I couldn't turn it down."

"It makes sense why you joined us then, and I have to say, it's a blessing you did too. Music is a way of communication for me, a way I can best express my story. That includes my past, present, and hopefully future. After hearing all you shared, I don't think there's anyone else I'd trust with handling my album promos." Yoongi pauses a moment, unsure if he should ask the next thing on his mind. "How come we never met before? I mean really meet and talk?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure myself. But things have a way of falling into place when the time is right, I suppose." You're now looking at him, the intensity of your gaze mirrors his own. A gentle breeze tousles a few strands of your hair and for a split moment, Yoongi begins to understand what Taehyung meant earlier when he said it feels like he's known you his whole life, like a childhood friend he'd reconnected with. While it may not be to that extent for himself, there's a comforting warmth emanating from you that leaves him feeling strangely tranquil.

"Given the circumstances, I feel like we should have at least met through Taehyung by now," he slips out. "Or even at a company-sponsored event."

"Why, do you like me that much, Yoongi-ssi? After five days of working together?" Your playful tease catches him off guard, revealing a side of you he hadn't seen before. It's kind of cute-wait, what?

"I-"

"Sorry," you quickly interject, feeling the need to backtrack. "I shouldn't have said it like that."

"Don't worry, there's no need for apologies. And to answer your question, I like you enough." He hopes you can hear the tease in his own tone as he responds.

You both lapse into a comfortable silence for the next few minutes, the only sounds being the distant hum of traffic and the occasional chirp of a bird. He finds all of it soothing in a way he can't quite explain.

After a few minutes, you turn to him, your expression thoughtful. "You know, if you ever need to talk or just need a break, I'm here. We're teammates now."

Yoongi looks at you, his tired eyes softening with gratitude. "Thanks, __-ssi."

You give him a reassuring smile before pushing off the wall. "I'll let you finish your cigarette. See you later? And by later, I likely mean at 9 or 10 pm in our company elevator."

"Yeah, see you later," he laughs, watching as you walk back toward the building. He takes one last inhale, extinguishing the cigarette and letting the remaining smoke escape his lips slowly.

Yeah, he likes you just enough.

a/n: Hope you enjoyed it! Lmk what you think 🥰

Tags:

@jksjx @junecat18 @babystarcandyjk97 @mygssibal @unoriginal-username15432 @vikibangtann @coffeedepressionsoup @jjkluver7 @p34rluv @tannieflix @kingofbodyrolls @butterymin @waitaminswife @mygssibal @rkivved-girl @parapiop7 @betysotelo18 @mimisweaterpaws @wobblewobble822 @a-gayish-unicorn @constancelayon @idkreallys-blog @juju-227592 @urlovelily @itsmina29 @jub-jub @cerulean1riz @rinkud

Masterlist | Requests: closed | Taglist | Fic Recs

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[writingstoraes]

lover 🪻

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!singer!reader

type: instagram imagine, social media au

notes: this is another thing i thought of knowing i have hundreds of unattended drafts lolol lmk what u think! this is like very similar to something i've posted before but only w a slightly different ending... hehe also am using mother taylor's lyrics cause they're just too good

about: you and charles seem to be really quiet, it's either one of two things — you're over or you're about to release a masterpiece that shatters all break up rumors.

wagsoff1

liked by wannabewag, norrisfan, hamilec, and 25,439 others

wagsoff1 It has been 100 days since Y/N was seen in the paddock. Her last appearance was during the 2023 Australian GP. Any thoughts? 👀

leclercsainz yeah honestly the two of them have been really quiet lately... i'm scared

ynfan this is such a reach? 😬

lecsyn4eva are we forgetting that y/n has her own career, a pretty successful one at that, it's normal for her to not be at races at times?

wagsoff1 Hmm yeah but she's missed a ton of races, apparently rumors are only ever growing that they might be over... lecsyn4eva maybe we stop sticking our noses where it doesn't belong 🤨

queenyn MOTHER WE MISS YOU pls come back

sainzstappen Classic pattern of broken up F1 couples lol miss a few races then suddenly statements are out 😆

popgirlstm stop i will literally jump off a bridge

yourusername

liked by zendaya, florencepugh, landonorris, and 2,340,923 others

yourusername At every table, I'll save you a seat.

My 3rd full-length album, Lover, is out tomorrow at 12 EST. Sorry for the surprise but see you at the premiere ❤️

lecsyn BITCH THIS IS WHY YOUVE BEEN QUIET

mothertay miss mam we havent heard from you in months how can you drop a bomb like this so casually

norrislaren IM CRYING I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING

midnightshouse y/n i need to know if i can shake my ass to this album or i will be destroying ice cream pints with tears on my face

ynalbums Judging from the title... it sounds like it's more on the romance side? gucciluv oh my god there's hope for charles and her after all 🙏

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, and 1,295,294 others

charles_leclerc My lover.

Beyond excited for your album, amour. Thanks for letting me be a part of it 🤍

lecsyncharles CROWD CHEERS OH MY GOD

hamilstappen im crying they broke the streak they're alive! WAR IS OVER

charlierari part of it... y/n ft. charles????

carlossainz55 Hey this counts as your musical debut? 😆

charles_leclerc I didn't sing... carlossainz55 Yeah you shouldnt c2lovers FUCK??ABSHBHWWH

landonorris Can't believe people thought you broke up you literally won't shut up about how you're in Silverstone and she's in LA

pierregasly Don't forget the calling Y/N every 10 seconds charles_leclerc ??? Please shut up

Now Playing: Lover (Music Video) - The Dedication

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, landonorris, lorenzotl, and 2,109,294 others

charles_leclerc My forever lover.

tagged: yourusername

landonorris Will you save me a seat at every table?

yourusername Have my song memorized already, I see 😆 landonorris You know it!

lewishamilton Congratulations, Y/N and Charles! 🥂

danielricciardo I call taking most of the pictures 🙏

landonorris No???

ynlecs16 this is such a fucking surprise the two of you need to cool it down i'm hyperventilating

scuderiaferrari Best wishes to our favorite couple ❤️

yourusername Wait, I thought we broke up?

charles_leclerc Negative. You're stuck with me forever now 😘

---------

tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy

notes: taylor has got me wishing i was currently in love this is sick! anyway i only got this idea bc my tiktok fyp is swarmed with charles daylight edits and they are right he is so golden <33

[yourelliewillms]

the guy from the record

store wasn't a guy?

ellie williams fanfic

━━ chapter 2 wc: 3.1k

read the chapters here !!

you've managed to become closer with the guy you're interested in! this feels like a dream, everything feels like a dream but maybe this (or he) is too good to be true.

hiii omg this chapter is way longer than the first one but i had to do it, i'm sorry !!! anyways i hope you like it <3

based on the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all !!

friendly reminder that he/him pronouns are used for plot purposes !! so please imagine ellie when i use them. i'm not writing about a man, i'd rather die, honestly.

7 in the afternoon. ellie spent the entire day looking at the phone number written on her wrist, scared that the black ink may erase at any time. she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose planning a whole dialogue in her mind that she probably would forget the second she heard your voice, she didn't even know what she was supposed to say to you, the girl that was basically interested in her.

but she knew how excited you were about this, everytime she closed her eyes she could imagine the look on your face if she called you. she knew that you needed someone to share your interests with and she couldn't deny that having someone to talk to about music sounded like a good idea to her too. ellie'd been alone at school for almost a year now and even if you didn't know that the guy you were wishing to date was actually her, you were going to find out at some point and, if you didn't get mad at her, you two could be really good friends, then ellie wouldn't have to be alone anymore.

the whole idea of finally getting to know someone running through ellie's mind while she stared at her phone and her fingers anxiously tapped the desk where her phone laid. she started to type your number on the screen of her phone. she breathed in, blinked quickly and cleared her throat when she pressed the 'call' button. she could already feel her heart pounding so hard threatening to get out of her chest at any second.

you walked in circles around your room with your phone in your hands. you could already feel your eyes drying for you couldn't even blink, you desperately stared at the screen waiting for that call.

but what if he didn't call you? what if he thought you were annoying and he was just being nice when he lent you that album? all kind of negative thoughts ran through your mind. just the idea of being rejected broke your heart into pieces and you could feel that knot in your stomach.

or maybe a worst scenario was that he actually called you. what would you say? would he expect an opinion about the album? would he want to talk to you or would he prefer a shorter conversation?

you fidget with your fingers and bit your nails from time to time as you too planned a whole script in case you had to carry a whole conversation with your crush. you wanted to impress him, show him that you could be as cool as he was.

bzzt

the sound of your phone took you out of your trance and you froze for a second. an unknown number, but you know very well who was calling you. your face lighted up and you immediately picked up the call.

maybe it was because of your excitement that you couldn't help screaming at the phone awkwardly "i loved the album!" you immediately frowned and closed your eyes regretting your whole existence. the cringe was physically hurting you and the seconds you had to wait for his answer felt like an eternity.

"hi to you too," you heard his raspy voice followed by a chuckle that warmed your heart in a second "i'm glad you liked it, it's became one of my favorites."

you started to play with a string of your hair. "i know, i liked it very mussh!" once again you'd embarrassed yourself, it felt like you couldn't stop shouting and screwing things up. just when you thought nothing could make this moment even worse, you heard the loud voice of your mother coming from the kitchen.

a shout of your name followed by a "dinner's ready!" you closed your eyes and sighed hoping that some god had heard your prayers, had mercy of you and avoided that your crush listened to your mom calling you.

but that was asking too much and you could hear a soft laugh coming from your phone. just when you were already feeling the drops of sweat on your forehead reminding you that embarrassing moment, that husky voice blessed your ears one more time. this time it sounded like a whisper, one that warmed your ear and it almost felt as if he were only inches away from you. he called your name and you stopped dead.

"tell your mom i say hi." you hummed trying to hide the panic and the butterflies that only one sentence caused inside you. all the fear you felt seconds ago was replaced by pure ecstasy.

you two talked for a few more minutes and ended the call. ellie felt on her knees and buried her face in her hands. the initial plan was to talk to someone from school and make friends, but why was she unconsciously flirting with you? was it really unconsciously or she didn't want to admit that she was doing it on purpose?

"hey, did you do the homework for today? i didn't do it and i can't have more bad grades. i was wondering if you..."

the voice of one of your classmates called your attention. you sighed and rolled your eyes, you were ready to deny the request, but you frowned when you looked up and realized that the request wasn't for you.

you turned to your right and there it was, your classmate jesse talking to ellie. or rather than talking, he was disturbing her, interrupting her so much preciated tranquility.

"i didn't do it."

the response felt ice cold but she didn't seem annoyed, just nonchalant. you bit your lower lip in order to stop the laugh coming out of your mouth.

"really? but you look like a nerd..."

now the soft smile on your lips slowly faded and your teeth bit your lips so hard they were turning a dark red, the blood threatening to come out from the corner of your lips. you furrowed your eyebrows and scrunched your nose. the conversation was none of your business but you felt the sudden impulse to say something, you couldn't stay quiet and see how someone insulted your classmate.

"so you ask for help and then diss her?" your words came out like a bark "how childish." both of them were now looking at you in surprise. ellie's mouth half opened, the green orbes grew bigger than ever. she blinked a few times before fixing her glasses with her index finger while she cleared her throat.

you just watched jesse leave without saying a word but you could notice his embarrassment miles away. you smiled proudly as your eyes fell on ellie. she mouthed a 'thank you'. you nodded and couldn't help smiling.

only the sight of her felt familiar, had she always been like that? with that little sparkle in her eyes that tickled your stomach and in some way made you feel a connection with her, feeling as if something about her would be able to captivate you any time.

you stared at the notebook in front of you trying to make up your mind. maybe she was a nice person and this was a sign to talk to her, maybe it was the sign of the beginning of a good friendship.

you opened your eyes as soon as you heard the sound of your alarm. never in your life have you been happier about waking up at 8 in the morning on a saturday. you got up from your bed and appreciated the cute outfit laying on your bed, the one you'd carefully chosen the night before. spending hours on choosing the best clothes from your closet and doing your makeup to make you look stunning was worth it if it meant seeing your crush one more time.

you held in your hands the album he had lent you some days before and you couldn't hide the excitement that the butterflies inside your stomach caused. your left hand brushed your cheek and you felt the warmth of your skin almost burning.

you hadn't payed attention to the weather outside because what could go wrong? all the past days had been okay, why would this one be different?

before you cross the front door of your house, tough, your frizzy hair was already warning you something. the bright and warm sun that was beautifully shining the previous day was now all covered in heavy gray clouds that were taking with them the shiny colors of the flowers on the porch of your house.

it was just a 10 minutes walk from your house to the preciated record store but it took only 5 minutes for the pouring rain to start soaking your hair that had taken hours to get done.

but not a single thought of going back home crossed your mind, that was definitely not an option. nothing was going to stop you from having that desired love life you'd prayed for so much for so long. some rain wouldn't screw it up.

your path to the record store consisted of you running to get there faster taking little breaks under the trees that covered you from the rain. you inhaled and prepared yourself to start running again, it kept like that until you finally were only one block away from the place.

the light coming from inside the store gave you an immediate feeling of warmth. the characteristic music of the place was softer than the other days for the sound of the raindrops falling onto the floor was mostly the only thing you could hear.

you sprinted towards the door, the familiar ring of the bell welcoming you once again to your now well known record shop. your eyes scanned the room and stopped at the stunning figure you soon recognized.

it was the guy, your guy. it seemed like he'd also been outside because his hair and face, which was still covered with a mask, were adorned with tiny raindrops. he was drying his forehead with his shirt revealing his well toned abdomen, the small freckles highlighting his pale skin.

soon you felt the warmth quickly coming back to your body almost rushing. your uncolored cheeks now growing crimson while you clenched your teeth afraid that your jaw would fall to the floor if you stared too much.

it didn't take too long for him to notice your presence. he turned around to look at you with those hypnotizing emerald eyes, you could notice the concernment in his eyes as soon as they fell on you. he quickly grabbed the gray hoodie laying on the counter.

"hey, you might catch a cold."

his raspy yet soft voice blessing your ears and before you realized it, he handed you his hoodie.

"you can wear this."

this was the moment you coul swear that that was not rain at all, that was holy water. the day you thought was ruined had became a day you'd remember your whole life. it took you a minute to go back to reality and confirm that this scene was not a product of your imagination.

"oh, thanks." you couldn't hide the sweet smile on your face and you could tell that he was smiling too by the way his eyes looked at yours.

you put the gray hoodie on and all you could think about was the nice smell coming from the fabric, a mixture of a sweet yet woody perfume combined with his natural scent invaded your nostrils and was quick to make you head over heels.

meanwhile, ellie was sweating just by the thought of the possibility of her clothes smelling. but there's no chance that you could find this new fragrance other than pleasant.

after spending what felt like minutes but was actually more than an hour in the record store talking about the things that you had in common, which was not much more than music, but that was enough to make your heart flutter and giggle at his spontaneous jokes and at times sarcastic behavior.

minutes felt like seconds and you had the feeling that you two had something special. the natural conversations and casual jokes made everything feel right and, in some way, it made you think that all the scenarios you made up at midnight before falling asleep while you listened to a playlist you'd made specially for him, could become real. because you were like that, only a few days of seeing this guy and you'd already made a playlist for him with all your favorite songs in it.

"i wanted to share something with you." you hold your breath as you waited for a response.

"yeah? what is it?" you heard the curiosity in his voice.

"it's kinda stupid but i..." you doubted for a second before finishing your sentence "i made a playlist with my favorite songs, maybe you want to listen to it?" your fingers fidgeted with your rings.

his gasp was almost inaudible but loud enough to let you know that he was actually excited about this. "that's not stupid at all, that's awesome." the green eyes looked for yours "send it to me right now, please."

you immediately looked down at your phone in an attempt of hiding the sparkles in your eyes while you sent him the link of the playlist, little did you know that it would soon become that guy's, or ellie's, favorite playlist.

the feeling of your empty stomach reminded you that it was time to go back home and after chatting a bit more with your favorite employee of the record store, you waved and said goodbye to him with a sweet smile, his own eyes smiling at you too thanking your for your visit.

you'd always been fond of participating in every festival that your school organized. this time wouldn't be the exception, your mind was already full of ideas for the spring festival and just the thought of being in charge of it excited you. you'd already decided the music, decorations and organized the little shows that some of the students would make, everything carefully organized by yourself.

but your plans couldn't be as perfect in reality as in your mind, it was when you heard your professor's voice that you knew this was going to be harder than you thought.

"you'll work with jesse, he needs extra points." your jaw fell to the ground when the professor basically forced you to work with one of your classmates, one that you'd already had a little argument with. it wasn't like you hated him but you'd never worked with a boy before, let alone being close with one, with the exception of the guy from the record store, of course.

"i can't... i won't work with him alone, i-" you looked around your classroom with the hope of finding someone who could save you from this situation, someone who you knew would be helpful and would make the atmosphere less awkward.

your face lighted up when your eyes noticed the person next to you, a smirk placed on your face for you'd found the perfect one.

"i think ellie'd do great if she helped us with the organization too." you patted her shoulder. she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and looked into your eyes for an explanation "you can help us with the music. you have good taste after all, right?" your voice softened when you turned to her, your face expression almost begging for her to accept your offer.

"i- uhm..." she swallowed when she noticed you were watching expectant at her "i guess i could try?" her rising tone making it sound as a question rather than an affirmation. the familiar sweet smile on your face thanking her was everything she needed to confirm that she wouldn't regret this decision.

you spent some minutes thanking her after everyone left the classroom, this being one of the first times you had a conversation with her that lasted more than two words exchanged. it wasn't too deep though, some instructions about the organization of these festivals mixed with words of encouragement for her before she left the classroom.

the room all empty now, every sound you made echoed between the walls as you packed up your belongings and put on your backpack ready to leave too, but the shinning screen of the phone lying on the desk next to yours called your attention. you grabbed it in your hands and carefully examinated it. "it's ellie's phone" you thought.

you turned to look at the door expecting ellie to come back looking for it, but not a single soul seemed to be near there. your attention went back to the mobile. the unlocked screen with a song playing on it, a song you well knew, awoke your curiosity. you'd always hated people who snitched in other's phones but you couldn't help it, plus, there wouldn't be any damage in looking into someone's playlist.

a little grin placed on your face as you noticed the so much similar taste in music you two seem to have. what a coincidence that these were all your favorite songs!

your smile faded and turned into a frown as you read the tittle of every song, one after one. the cold sensation at the back of your neck hitting you when you reached the end on the playlist. all you favorite songs, all in one playlist, the playlist you'd made which only one person was able to listen to other than you. the phone fell from your shaky hands onto the desk, your breath getting faster with each thought running through your mind, the sudden realization hitting you like cold water.

the sound of the door opening took you out of your half-conscious state. "oh, you're still here." you couldn't even face her, now it all made sense "i forgot my phone." the voice you soon recognized making you shiver.

you took a deep breath before turning at her and faking your best smile as you handled ellie her phone "yeah, here." you tried to hide the shaky voice caused by the knot on your throat. "thanks, see you next week!" you watched as she left the classroom once again, then your hands fell on the desk in front of you as you tried to catch your breath and swallow the incontrollable feeling of crying.

these past few weeks, the days you spent talking to what you thought was a guy, was actually a girl? it was not only a girl, it was your classmate, ellie.

taglist: @ohnopoteito (and the editor 💋💋 thank u for your help you've won a crocheted gift 👏👏👏 parab��ns) @bready101 @everegretseverything @idk-sam @jupitersversionn @seraphicsentences @fatbootymuncher @ilovetocas1 @blackandwhitewindows @nombreuxx @mooneylou

[tarnished-butsogrand]

To Liam,

It's so strange that I just couldn't bring myself to create anything to honour the role you've played in my life. It's like I cannot allow myself to say goodbye to you, trying to push back the inevitability of it. This permanent goodbye that I don't want to speak into existence.

"Let's leave it unsaid, just one more second

If you don't say it, then it ain't true yet"

When I first 'met' you, I was newly thirteen and I saw your music video 'One Thing' on TV. I had excitedly texted my best friend at the time, gushing about five cute guys on TV that were singing, "Get out, get out, get out of my bed" which amused my friend to no extent. It was the start of a character defining moment in my life, and I didn't even know it then.

It was hard to keep up with you guys, our access to the internet was limited. Watching YouTube videos back then was a task. I would go to all lengths to do so anyway, because it felt like I had five friends who I could joke around with. That's the strangest thing. I so desperately wanted to be friends with you guys. Not date. Just friendship. Looking back at that time, I almost feel sorry for how lonely I was to depend on five guys who didn't know of my existence for friendship, but then I don't. I don't know what kind of person I would have become if I had been oblivious of your existence. Now, I have had so many friends that I have met/ talked to through you. I am not in touch with all of them, but I felt like a part of a community.

You'll never feel like you're alone

I'll make this feel like home.

You taught me to dream. For the longest time, I was adamant I would form a band myself, and be famous and meet you guys. I was so sure of it! I could never afford to buy albums, or the movies, the books even though I desperately wished to. Then, for my eighteenth birthday, I finally got my hands on your book and the This Is Us movie

It was my dream, to meet you guys one day, all of you, and have you sign this book. I would tell you how much you inspired me, helped this little girl in a little town dream of going places. Gave her hope she could make it out of there one day.

I am so grateful for that.

It's hard to think you were together as a band for only five years because it sure felt like ages back then. There was always so much... Drama! I still remember the day Zayn left the band. The best friend who had first heard my atrocious interpretation of your lyrics, she was the one who broke the news to me. My chapattis and okra curry seemed extra salty that day. My family was surprised. What is she crying for? I would tell them and they would try to keep from laughing. It felt like the world had ended, but everything carried on as usual.

Life went on, I begrudgingly decided against pursuing a career in music. It's so funny, isn't it? You guys were living the dream and consequently taught me how to dream. And now, you've left us because of it and I'm still here because I didn't pursue it (not saying I would have become as famous as you, or famous at all). I got into medical school. By that time, you were already three years deep into your 'hiatus'. I would hear about you, now and then. Maybe listen to a single or two. Loved Strip That Down. Loved your interviews. Loved For You. Was waiting for an album.

I kind of lost touch with the 1D fandom and you. In the blink of an eye, 2020 was here. I got back to the fandom right in time for the 1D 10 years anniversary. I was sure it wouldn't have any effect on me. I was grown up now. Then I bawled my eyes out to Fireproof and I realised I was still a sucker, and I would always be.

Nobody knows you, baby, the way I do

It's been so long, it's been so long

We must be fireproof

Then I realised. It wasn't the same anymore. When I left, people were excited about everyone's solo careers. Five times the fun, right? Everything had... Shifted. There were camps and groups and, it just wasn't actually the same. I was horrified. Blogs dedicated to hate certain members, the word 'flopped' being used incessantly when it came to them. And bearing the brunt of the most of it was, you.

I don't want to go back and rehash it all, it's too painful, but you know what? I would have that time back in an instant if it meant you were still out there. Alive. When the possibility of this happening was so damn preposterous, not even the craziest fanfiction could have a plot line like this.

I don't want to say I felt sorry for you, because that makes you seem small. You had talked about your struggles, but you had also gotten better. I heard Heart Meet Break and I heard Weekend. They sound so ominous right now.

Heart meet break, lips meet drink

Rock meets bottom, to the bottom I sink.

Fuck.

I come alive on the weekend

I might die on the weekend

Another line for my demons.

All the while, facing vitriol that was frankly alarming. There was nothing you could say or do that wasn't criticised or scrutinized. I felt helpless but I was determined, once again that the tide would turn. That people would see you for the kind soul that you really are.

Let me tell you, LP1 was damn good! I hope you're proud of that album, wherever you are, because you smashed it! And your First Time EP? Still mad that Slow wasn't on your main album, like who made that decision? I am sorry people didn't pay more attention to your music, because it is amazing! Your voice, of course. That note in Bedroom Floor-you aren't real, you know?

And your videos during the lockdown? And your LP shows? You kept us entertained and happy. We loved watching you do the thing you love the most.

Oh, Liam. Then I gradually drifted apart again. I wasn't there when you came out saying you had been sober. I wasn't aware it had gotten worse. I don't know why, but this October, I listened to your music for the first time in a long while. It's so strange. Just a few days later-

I still can't believe it, Liam. I still can't believe you have left us. I can't believe that this is the end, this is how you had to go. With the world still against you. You didn't get your chance at redemption, you didn't get your chance to prove to everyone how amazing you were! You had so much love left to give. Everyone talked about how you checked up on them frequently. I am sorry there was no one to do that for you. I am sorry for the way you were treated. I am sorry you didn't get the help you needed, I am sorry that we can't enjoy more of your songs, your voice, your paintings and most of all, that laugh where your eyes all crinkle up, and your body physically rocks with it, and for a moment you become the embodiment of sunshine.

You were just a boy, who had one working kidney and the other that miraculously started working. You were just a boy that had a fear of spoons and loved dinosaurs. You were just a boy who apparently couldn't read but wrote so many songs for One Direction that we hold close to our heart. You were just a boy who warned people against snake habitats, and dropped tubs of pasta on your floor. You were just a boy who is loved by so many, whose loss will weigh heavy on our hearts for the rest of our lives.

I'll never forget you. And I promise, I will make all my dreams come true. Maybe not the singing part, but the rest. Hope you're happy, Leeyum. I hope they're treating you better than we did.

How can I forget someone

Who gave me so much to remember?

With love, always

Rini

[coucouatoi]

we're not who we used to be | h.s.

Pairing: Harry Styles X Reader

Summary: Some letters you've written but never sent to Harry over the years.

Warnings: Angst... so much... there's some fluff, emphasise on the some, there's a hopeful ending tho!

A/N: Sooo this is the childhood friends to strangers fic no one asked for... Hope you all enjoy! This is my writing debut in Harry land :)

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

April 10' 2010

To: Harry Styles From: Your first fan

Hiya Harry,

It's currently 11:29 pm about 10 hours away from your audition. I figured since you told me to stop praising you and boosting your ego, I'm writing down the rest of the things I want to say.

Firstly, I know you're going to smash it! All the judges are going to want you in. There's no chance that they won't see how special you are, how you're the next big thing.

I won't let you back out of it last second! Anne, Gemma and I are ready to drag you onto the stage, we've discussed it thoroughly...

Secondly, I'm already so proud of you. This is a huge step, I know how nervous you are about it. How you think that everything is going to go wrong and that you'll fail. I've got enough hope in you for the both of us. I'll stand by your side the whole time and I'll cheer the loudest.

To finish, you're Harry Styles. You can do anything.

Break a leg superstar!!

Cheering you on already,

Your first-ever fan

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

December 12' 2010

To: Harry Styles From: Your biggest fan

Harry!

You've made it all the way to the finals! It's crazy! I knew you could do it but seeing you go further and further has been surreal.

I hope you and the other boys get along well! We haven't had much chance to really gossip about it all, you seem excited with them!

The finale is set to start in about 2 hours and I had to get some emotions out (my mom was tired of hearing them... rude) Anyway! I remembered that I had written you a letter a few months ago and now I'm back in this notebook.

I'm so nervous, excited and kind of nauseous about watching the last episode tonight. I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now... You must be so scared but incredibly jittery!

I'm counting the days until I get to see you again! I want to hear everything that's happened behind the scenes! You know how nosy I am!

I've already taken up two pages so I'll stop for now.

You can do this!

Talk to you soon,

Your favourite person ever

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

March 7' 2011

To: You From: Me <3

You called me Angel today...

I don't know what to make of that.

I had so many butterflies in my stomach.

Could you call me that again?

You're my favourite person,

Angel

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

November 20' 2011

To: Harry From: Angel

Boo!

You finally let me listen to the full album today! Said you had to be there when I listened to it so you could give me all the secrets. You also wanted to see live how I reacted to every song. You're too cute.

"I Want" is my current favourite.

You did tell me that you'd resonated with a lot of the lyrics you sang on this album. That almost scares me.

How did you relate? Who was going through your mind?

You do have the world at your feet now. I shouldn't feel jealous but I do like having you all to myself. Don't worry I'll get used to sharing...

The Up All Night Tour is starting soon! I'm happy that you've invited me to come to some shows. I'll be there no matter if I have to miss school.

I have to show all these newbies that I'm THE biggest Harry Styles fan out there!

Hopefully, you thought about me while signing.

Because I think about you all the time,

Your favourite fan.

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

April 13' 2012

To: Harry From: Angel

G'Day Mate!

So you're officially all the way in Australia now! That's so exciting I wish that you could have stuffed me into your suitcase... sniff

I bet it's super warm there! Or not wait their seasons aren't the same as ours, are they? I'm not even sure...

Hopefully, you can tan a little while you're there! Don't go near any animals or insects!!

I miss you a lot, maybe I'll send this one (spoiler I definitely won't).

Talk to you soon hopefully.

Go swim in the ocean,

Someone who wants to be in it

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

August 29' 2012

To: Harry From: Angel?

You haven't come to see me since you've been back.

Too busy being a celebrity?

I've been seeing all these tabloids... I'm not allowed to be jealous I know but I miss you.

I hope you've missed me.

I really really wish you were here with me or that I was with you wherever you are now.

I just want to be us.

Have you forgotten your friend from the small town already?

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

January 1' 2013

To: Harry From: Someone You've Hurt

I don't know what to think,

You kissed me. It made me happy.

You said it was a New Year's kiss.

You said you drank too much, it hurt.

You ended up kissing someone else about 20 minutes later.

That hurt even more it almost made me feel used.

I'm happy you were my first kiss.

I don't think you'll even remember it,

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

November 27' 2014

To: Harry From: Me

I love the new album, took me a while to finally listen to it. I thought you'd come home and make me listen to it in your presence.

You didn't. The first album that I've listened to alone.

Spaces and Fools Gold are my favourite songs. I wonder how many lyrics you resonate with. How many of them did you write?

Come home?

Only for a day please,

Your first Angel

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

October 21' 2015

To: Harry From: Y/N

It's been a while,

It's your mom's birthday today. Well only for a few more hours...

She invited my family and me to the party, and of course we went. I didn't think you'd be there. I haven't seen you in almost a year.

It was fun.

Catching up about everything that's been going on with you and the band. Your life is so much more interesting than mine now.

I'm just a boring college student... you're this huge star but that's ok there's no one like you for me, you're my safe place. No matter how far away.

You asked about my love life and I told you about the date I had a few days ago. You asked if we had sex, I lied and said yes. I didn't want to embarrass myself by telling you no one's ever been with me like that.

We ended up getting drunk. Too drunk.

We fucked.

You took my virginity and you have no idea... should I tell you? You were so good. So gentle, loving but you fucked with a purpose, you needed to get off. I won't ever see your childhood bedroom the same way.

This was only a few hours ago.

I've felt every emotion about it. Now I'm crying because I know you'll find someone new to share a bed with. I'm just a notch in your headboard.

It meant everything to me.

But I think I regret it...

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

May 12' 2017

To: You From: Me

Really?

I hope Only Angel isn't about me.

But I'm overanalysing every single song. Is one about me? Did you think of me while making this album?

We haven't talked since the last time we saw each other. When we fucked again. It wasn't even the second time, after your mom's birthday two years ago we never stopped. It's all we do when we see each other.

It doesn't make me feel all that much better but I feel like if it wasn't for that we wouldn't even know each other anymore.

I'm moving away this year. Got a job offer in Canada and I'm taking it.

Maybe I'll get over you... hopefully.

I can't live my whole life waiting for someone who I don't know anymore.

I'm blocking your number.

I miss who we used to be,

Your first-ever fan

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

December 4' 2019

To: H From: Y/N

Hello,

You've crawled your way back into my life, Harry. This morning, you decided to send me your album. Your new one, Fine Line. Your fans haven't even heard it yet. The public hasn't either.

You didn't write a single thing in your email, the mp3 link was staring me down with your automated signature. Not even a greeting.

I shouldn't have listened to it.

I don't know why you sent it to me. We haven't spoken or crossed paths in over a year. Not since I moved and tried to get rid of every way of contact between us.

I still haven't answered, I don't think I will.

You don't get to know what I feel about it. Not anymore.

I'm sorry Harry.

I've moved on,

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

December 13' 2019

To: H From: Y/N

Your new album came out today.

I'm proud of you even if we are strangers now.

You're a superstar.

I always knew you would be,

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

March 17' 2020

To: H From: Y/N

I saw that you had to postpone your tour.

You must feel so defeated.

I know I do. Everything's been closed and opened and closed again here in Canada. It's getting exhausting.

I hope the world starts working again soon.

This all sucks...

Crossing my fingers for the tour,

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

May 18' 2022

To: Harry From: Y/N

Hi,

You sent me the album before the release again.

This time you did say something: I miss you Angel, Can we meet up?

I didn't think I could feel so many butterflies in my stomach. I felt like a teenager again. And I cried more than once listening to Harry's House.

I'm still considering if I should answer... if I do what should I choose? Should I agree and go into the unknown or forget it happened and keep on going with my life?

I miss you too... the one I knew. Not the one who used me. I guess I used you too... How did we get here?

All I want is to be loved and to be in love.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for the hurt this will bring but maybe I should just be a grown-up about this...

I want you back in my life.

That scares me,

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

August 16' 2022

To: Harry From: Y/N

Well,

I'm going to the Love On Tour today and after we are going to "meet". We even have until the 20th because that is when your next show is, after today obviously.

You were so excited when I agreed.

It's almost as if no time has passed when we text (he changed his number in the last few years... no need for an embarrassing unblocking).

My friend, the one who convinced me to agree, helped me pick out an outfit. Thankfully for her, I won't stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd of feather boas and cowboy hats.

I really want this to work.

I want to believe that we can be good again. We can be healthy for one another again but I'll be worried until I see you.

Until we speak.

I won't let myself touch you, I have a feeling that it would be far too easy to fall back into a bed. Maybe a hug would be okay.

I'm excited for the show, to see the Superstar Harry Styles in action. After so many years you have to have evolved so much.

You aren't little Harry from Worcestershire anymore.

I'm not the same person I once was either.

See you tonight.

Break a leg,

Y/N

[drowninginredink]

Favorite Albums: choose 9 and then tag 9 people!

For my own sanity, I didn't include musicals because I could fill up a whole other 3x3 grid with them, and comparing musicals to non-musical theater albums is weird.

Those last 4 that you definitely don't recognize are by Old Earth who you should definitely listen to if you want artsy ambient indie folk with really intricate guitar. My absolute favorite artist by far, and also the most obscure artist I listen to by far.

Electric by The Pet Shop Boys — I think this is my favorite album period. I am still pissed off that Tom Scott called it "not that great" in the old Technical Difficulties podcast. Maybe I'm biased because it was my favorite album when I was 14 and because it's where I really fell in love with the Pet Shop Boys. God I love them. So much. I'm way too excited for the new album and I worship geowayne's website where he analyzes all their songs. I probably should have put another PSB album on here, but there isn't another where I'm in love with every track. Plus honestly so many of my favorite tracks of theirs are B sides. They still release B sides with their singles, and this album cycle, the B sides are honestly better than the actual singles. Anyway electric is pure synthy electropop and I adore it in that way you can only love something you first heard at 14.

Pure Heroine by Lorde — I read a quote somewhere where Lorde said she tried to really put all of being a teenager into the album, so much so that once she became an adult, she probably wouldn't understand or like it anymore. I can definitely say that I'm not nearly as attached to it anymore now that I'm an adult, but God, it was my life when I was 13. She really did capture the unique ennui of being a teenager. I wrote a novel in eighth grade, and I wrote at least half of it to tracks from this album. Also, hot take: Royals is my least favorite track by a lot. Buzzcut Season is my favorite.

My Head is an Animal by Of Monsters and Men — God, this one was my life when I was like, 12. I fell in love with folk there, and I'm still in love nearly a decade later. Another album where I still love every track.

Strange Trails by Lord Huron — hey look, an album I actually discovered and came to love as an adult! The fact that I love Lord Huron's brand of folky horror/fantasy/western music that tell stories with characters should not surprise anyone. Also, if I had to describe my experience with schizophrenia in one song, I'd choose Meet Me in the Woods.

The Tragic Treasury by The Gothic Archies — Look. Hear me out. Is it a album based purely on A Series of Unfortunate Events? Yes. But. Is it also an album where I genuinely love every track and have genuinely been known to just throw it on shuffle? Yes. I mean I think of one lyric from this album, like, weekly. I swear it's not just ASOUE brainrot that makes me like it so much. If it'd ever gotten a vinyl release, I'd absolutely own it. I wish it had gotten one.

a low place at The Old Place by Old Earth — honestly this is probably only my favorite Old Earth album because it's the one that I was able to actually get on vinyl and being able to play that vinyl is so lovely. I mean, it's good, but so is everything by Old Earth. Then again, Less Words is my favorite single track by them and it is on this album. Look. All the Old Earth albums I've listed here are, at most, 20 minutes long. If you like ambient artsy indie folk with lyrics that are there more for the way they sound than their meaning, try one.

light shaped by Old Earth — god the lyrics to this one. Normally I don't like Old Earth for the lyrics but. "It gets old/then it's done" and "what if it's just some song that gets you home" and especially "I'm holding your arms/and you're holding my eyes/and I lie like the right thing to do" are all just so great. And so is the middle track with no lyrics.

... until they're called by Old Earth — have you ever heard an album so good that you a) just played the whole thing and danced to it in your basement nonstop for the full 12 minutes, and then b) wrote a poem about the experience? People talk about finding God, but dancing to that album was the moment I found athiesm. The beauty of us all being here for no reason, just feeling things and living and doing our best to make something beautiful out of it.

Two Torches, at a Place Where Three Roads Meet by Old Earth — I'll be honest, I don't have much to say about this one. They're just a really solid three tracks.

... Yeah okay I really like Old Earth. Don't judge me.

Thank you @cygninae and @thehistoryone for tagging me! I'll tag @ven10 (I'm surprised neither of the people who tagged me tagged you), @weirdthoughtsandideas (ditto), @70snasagay (hmmmm i wonder what you'll put), @cat-boy-tom, @thetreetzar, @buncoreclown, @notthatalex, @unfortunate-sapphic-disaster, and @roach-in-the-kitchen. No pressure, obviously!

[jimiminily]

Happy 11th anniversary BTS 💜💫

Congratulations on reaching 11 years together 🥹🫶

06.13

(This pic was taken yesterday at Jin's discharge day♡)

Today's festa was so fun with Jin, I'm thankful that he made it possible even tho he got discharged just yesterday! 🥰

Jin is finally here I'm so happy 🥹💫 I love him smmmm such a precious person

I wish the rest of BTS so much succes, healthiness and happiness in your military journey, let's see each other next festa 😌

(Getting kinda emotional rn)

But hobi is coming this 17th october 2024! 4 months left, I'm excited!! The rest

- Namjoon & Taehyung: 10th June 2025

- Jimin & Jungkook: 11th June 2025

- Yoongi: 21th June 2025

They're all coming in june festa 2025 🥰

I absolutely can't wait for the 2025 reunion! I wonder how everything's gonna be 😚

They're so hardworking, sometimes I wonder how they're still so humble ugh not me tearing up again 🫠 I love you so much BTS, became an ARMY in your 7th year (16 years old), and now today it is your 11th year, and I'm 19 🥰 I love growing up with bangtan and having them in my history/story

I love you all so much im gonna say this again but you really taught me love and warmth yall are so precious and adorable TT you're so wonderful there really is no other omg 🫠 NOT ME TEARING UP AGAIN WHILE WRITING😫 your lyrics really really comfort me

I'm never letting you go 😌🤍

I'm thankful to have such amazing artist, my 7, my bangtan

I always wish you eternal happines, healthiness and safety, live your life the way you want 💕

I'll always wait for you, support you and love you

My forever favorite artist, people, group, comfort, friends & home, BTS, lets go forever and together ☺️

Apobangpo 💜

___________________________________

📬Letter from jhope

[Translation]

🐿 "wow~~ it’s 613!! the year of 2024 613!!!~~~ it’s been 11 years since we’ve been together with our ARMY… wow!! the fun/interesting thing is is that our jin hyung’s discharge date was yesterday??!!! jealous!!!!!~~~ i’m the most jealous of him in the world~~!!!!!!! haha~^^ being half sincere and half joking, i wanted to feel a little less jealous <of his discharge> so i enlisted early!! hehe anyways that was too much of a personal story!! I can’t believe it’s already been 11 years since being with our army!!…. thank you for continuously liking and believing in me/us. all i have in mind right now is wanting to show you a better me a day quicker,,, heh because it’s today <festa> ,, i can more picture/draw <inside my head> me standing cooly on the stage in front of you all, you probably feel the same way too right?? i miss you!! and miss/long for you!! i love you ARMY!!!"

___________________________________

Letter from RM

🐨 "Hello.I’ll keep this simple, I miss you all so much and can’t wait to see you soon. There’s just a year to go until we will meet again. How did you like my RPWP album that was released last month? I hope you are all doing well. A year seems too long and it’ll take a lot of patience, but i’m trying to make the most out of the situation with my soulmate, the tenor saxophone.. I’ll perform Dynamite with it when we meet again. I hope everyone has a rejuvenating summer vacation. Being in a new environment brings a blood of new emotions It also makes me wonder how Jin must’ve felt when he was the first to be discharged from service. Congratulations, Jin, on all your hard work! Please convey our love to our fans. It must be hard doing all this alone. But don’t worry! Hoseok will join you soon! My love for you all remains unchanged. Our love will grow even stronger and more beautiful upon our return. Waiting is hard, but I believe there is a reason for this. And besides, it is not the end for us. This is only the first line of Act II. Although I miss everyone so much, I’ll try to hold up well. It’s been 11 years since we met, and there’s only one more year to wait.

ARMY!! Its been a long time since I’ve called for you aloud. It fills me up with emotions and reminds me of our history.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!"

___________________________________

Letter from SUGA

🐱 "Hello, ARMYs! I'm Suga! It's been a long time, right? It's been a long time for me to write a handwriting letter, so I feel kind of awkward. Hahaha I'm doing really well... I went to the training center and I'm living a busy life. ARMYs, are you doing well? haha

it’s the 613 that has come around again

as it comes around every year there’s been a lot of memories (attached to it)

it still doesn’t feel real that I won’t be able to see ARMY on this day but i think you’ll have so much fun while spending it with Seokjin hyung so my heart is a little more at ease!!

Our 613 festival, enjoy it thoroughly! i’m also holding onto solely the day that i’ll be able to see ARMY as soon as possible!

if you can please don’t get hurt please don’t get exhausted and i wish/hope that we can wait until the day that we meet again! i miss you ARMY!! let’s see each other in a bit bye~!!"

___________________________________

Letter from hobi

🐿 "Hello, ARMY! How are you doing?

I am currently a second-class sergeant as well as a squad leader. Only four months are left until I complete my military service. I’ve been spending the remaining time working out hard so I can lose some weight, and practicing English speaking… in my own way, at least.

I’m not sure if you will agree… but I think I’ve grown calmer and more mature.

I now feel like I true grown-up!!

Bwahaha!!<- Hmm… Or maybe not…

Anyway, time sure flies. It’s already June! Jin has joined us, which makes things all the merrier and makes it clear that it’s time for us to get closer to all of you.

Enough about me. Now I’d like to hear about you.

How have you been?

I hope you’re all in good health.

What are you into these days?

How are you doing without us?

What would you like to say when we meet again?

honestly did you cheat or not~?

did you carry sunjae on your back and run or not~?*

Now, be honest,were your hearts miles away like Lovely Runners?

It’s strange. Now that I’ve reached thirty, I have a ton of questions for you! ♡♡

But actually that just means I want to hear more from you and miss you so much! And we don’t have to wait much longer until that day comes…!!

I’m so excited…

Actually… A day seems like a year these days…

And I toss and turn at night… I try to stay patient, but it’s hard…

I’m unsure if my emotions can be fully conveyed in writing, but I sure hope my sincere feelings reach you well…! ♡♡

I miss you! ♡

I’m desperately looking forward to seeing you!! ♡

Take care, and enjoy June and the rest of the time until we meet again in October! ♡

See you then! ♡

I love you all! ♡♡

⁃Your hope -

___________________________________

Letter from Jimin

🐥 "To. ARMY

ARMYs, this is Jimin. It's been a long time since I said hello to you like this.. l'll just write down what I want to say! I really miss you all. It's not easy, really ㅎㅎㄱㄱㄱㄱ

Every day, I live imagining what it would be like to meet you all.

When we meet again, what hair color should we have? Your body will feel a little better by then, right? And how long should your hair be? What earrings should I wear when I go out? What clothes are you wearing? What should I sing? lf I lie down thinking about this, my heart is racing and I can't sleep. I wonder how overwhelming it must be

Are our ARMYs doing well? Are you eating well and doing some exercise? Of course you're not doing it, right? ㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱ ( You really should). Nothing much will happen, right? lf there is, I hope it won't be too difficult.

You should be happy, our ARMYs I want to make you happier, but it's a shame. Still, l'm doing well here, so don't worry too much.Jin- hyung, you'll be discharged soon! Please play with Jin- hyung first. Then, we will return to you one by one. Let's all meet up, hug each other, and play. I'l come back with another letter next time. I love you, Ami. How are you?" -JIMIN

___________________________________

Letter from V

🐻 "Army! I really miss you. Are you all doing well? I eat well, sleep well, train, and live a fairly healthy life. I am receiving good energy from my younger colleagues and senior classmates, and I am enjoying a variety of new experiences. I'm a little proud, but I also got first place.

I’m good at shooting too!! I received praise, and learned a lot from our warrior friends in judo and jiu-jitsu, and I just felt like I was born again!! The bodies of our warriors are, I am thankful that I can train with this person, and I am barely keeping up! It's a bit irritating, but I won't overdo it!!

I overcame my fear of heights. It wasn't a big deal. It was really scary, but I got over it in the end. It’s because I’m so excited. Will you understand?? These days, during my free time, I go alone to a corner and dance. Just in case, I try not to lose that memory little by little.

So, since I told you that I am doing well, ARMY is also saying that you will be doing well. I hope you are not sick and anxious (even if we don't tell each other because neither we nor ARMY have each other?) Don't worry and we will see you soon.

When we see our members and ARMY again like this, let’s pour out all our long-awaited emotions! I miss you so much, I love you so much, Apobangpo, Borahae, goodbye."

___________________________________

Letter from Jungkook

🐰 "Hello, this is Jungkook.

It's been a while since I wrote a handwritten letter, and my handwriting seems to have gotten worse. I'm sorry ㅋㅋ

everyone!! I'm doing well

There aren't any difficult parts, but I'm getting through it just thinking about the day I'll meet you all again, and sometimes there are fun moments that make me forget about how difficult it is ㅎㅎ

By the way, did you listen to the fan song “Never Let Go” released in June? Even when I was working on the song, I really wanted to release it as a fan song.

I hope my feelings were conveyed well.

Originally, I was going to show a performance as well, but unfortunately I couldn't do it because I didn't have enough time.

If I get the chance, I really want to show it on stage later (nothing ready yet).

But I really want to perform on stage.

I want to hear ARMY’s cheers quickly

I want to do great songs again

It was so cold and the hot summer hasn't even come yet, but I hope winter comes quickly...

Time is running out ㅠㅠ

I guess I miss you all so much.

If you enjoy it, I will be standing in front of you someday, right?

Ah ah ah..! Anyway, everyone!

Until the day we meet again, don't get sick and take care of your health! That way, you'll be happier when you meet, right?!

I miss you so much..

I love you so much!

But I really can’t write letters ㅋㅋ

I'm leaving now!! hi!!"

- jungkook -

___________________________________

Letter from Jin

🐹 "Hello, this is Jin.

I hope everyone is in good health. I'm reaching out to you for the first time in a while.

I'd like to be able to say hello more often, but unfortunately my situation hasn't allowed that.

I'm so excited that my discharge from military service is just around the corner haha.

I heard that my bandmates have been working hard to entertain you during my absence. How nice of them!

Now, it's my turn ARMY!

Although it won't be easy to do it alone, I will try my best.

I've been planning to entertain you for a year now and I will put all my plans into practice once I return to society.

I thank everyone for being with us for such a long time. I love you ARMY ♡

P.S: Keep up the hard work, boys!"

___________________________________

Their words are so sweet :') might have shed some tears, they really are precious souls 🤍 I really adore them

Today for festa we had

In-person Event with Jin

2024 FESTA

First Session: Jin’s Greetings

- The first session (Meet-and-Greet with Jin) is a time for light hugs with Jin per request from the artist, and is expected to last about three hours.

- If you win the raffle but do not wish for a hug, you can replace it with a handshake.

- Every precautionary measure will be put in place to ensure no unpleasant incidents occur during the event. We ask for your kind cooperation.

_________

Second Session: Message from Jin : June 13 2024,☀️

- The second session will last about one hour.

- Jin will showcase various performances that ARMY wish to see.

(BigHit tweets 👇)

[#2024BTSFESTA]

BTS 11th ANNIVERSARY 🎉

[#TodaysBangtan]

2024 June 13th’s Seokjin, Clear Skies☀️

armys, its nice to see see you again💜

#TodaysJin #BTS #방탄소년단

#2024BTSFESTA #BTS11thAnniversary

#/ReturnedBackHome (t/n: wordplay with 돌아왔지 (dolawa-ji) -> 돌아왔진 (dolawa-jin)

#/ARMYThankYouForWaiting

#/ThankYouForBeingTogetherOnOur11thAnniversaryToo🎉

He just posted on instagram too! ☺️💕💕

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jin of BTS (@jin)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jin of BTS (@jin)

My love it's been so long TT I missed you, welcome back precious Jin 🤍💫

Happy 11 years bangtan💜

[hinamie]

ok i have composed myself i have transcribed the lyrics for wish you were here as best as i could. i am going to listen to this and only this until i lose interest or the ability to hear, whichever happens first

this song is SUCH a bop the soft guitar intro in2 the main beat is so good but can we TALK . about how . HE STARTS IT WITH A "MWAH" WHAT A FUCKING ICON I LOVE HIM I LOVE THEMMMMM the percussion is so good i love the soft offbeat claps in th bg they add such a nice lil pep n especially in verse 2 after "love you even if you hate my guts" they add like 4 extra clap beats and i am !!!!!!! ASCENDING

verse 1 is iconic i love the line "pack up my head might mail it back to your house" its so fucking funny it reminds me of that post thts like "i didn't know how to deal with the fact that i had a crush so i wrote her a note that said get out of my school" . but listenok listen. verse 2 is the one they posted a snippet of last year and first of all i love the electric-y/tv-turning off/guitar slide/quiet video game laser effect as the vocals start it makes my brain buzz aNYWAY this verse is my favourite between the two and has absolutely s tier lines such as "as long as you think of me I don't care what" and "love you even if you hate my guts" PLUS the lil clappy bits i mentioned they r so GOOD. not to mention his voice pls.,,, he sounds so good when he belts,,, his voice has a slight rasp to it that they lean into with the slightly muffled old speaker sound god he sounds so good all the TIME his vocals are so clear when he hangs on the words "singing" and "myself" into the chorus PLS. also the bg vocal 'a t-t-t-touch too sentimental' is so gd CATCHY

speaking of the chorus oh my god the CHORUS. the desperate cry of "don't you miss me? / don't you want me around?" is so devastating and heartfelt head in HANDS also the lyrics . im so excited abt them i cannot put into words how !!!!!!!! they make me just. gestures helplessly

wishful thinking is all that’s holding me down  lost on a blue moon  i wish you were here right now

in chorus 2 especially the way the beat cuts out after "lost on a blue moon" n comes back after "I wish you were here"??? AUDIBLE SEROTONIN TO ME ((plus in the final chorus changing the "lost on a blue moon" to "not like you used to" ??????? OW ???????????? that had a lil kick that got me a bit.. , being stuck with ur own wishful thinking as a stand-in for the physical affection of the person u like,,, ....fushiguro touch starved megu- *is shot dead*)))

HOWEVER the absolute lyrical Backbone of this song is the fucking bridge. i knew it would be i heard the snippet ages ago and i was like holy shit these lyrics go hard what are they from only to b dismayed to find that whatever song they were from did not yet exist. but now it DOES and i can listen to the way the bridge sounds like lights dimming. like headlights passing through a hazy window. it sounds like clouds parting

nobody else in this life or next  will ever have me the way that you do nothing in hell, heaven, earth, or the rest could ever take me away from you

THAT FUCKING EMOTIONAL BOMBSHELL against the original soft guitar from the intro drop the drums just reverb-y lyrics and background vocals and some of the most romantic fucking lyrics i've had the pleasure of reading let alone hearing one of my favourite artists sing.

i am going to once again fuse my fv brainrot with my megumi brainrot. realistically ik this is probably a missing your ex song but i do not care. this is a longing megumi song to me i dont CARE argue with a WALL (said to no one). the verses and chorus are pine-y and a bit snarky n very i like-like you and don't know what to do with how much i miss you. it's wry and frustrated n just tsundere enough but then u get to the bridge n there lies the sheer undying devotION god im unweLL this is all i'm going to listen to. this was worth waiting a year for if this is part of a new album they have in production im actually going to die

[hoes4hoseok]

enhypen as sour

...so i said i'd finish my work before posting another but i couldn't help it I PROMISE I'LL FINISH IT EVENTUALLY THOUGH. thanks for reading, y'all!

ni-ki as brutal

"they'd all be so disappointed, 'cause who am i if not exploited?"

some maknaes give me such unmistakable teenage angst energy (as i showed by choosing hueningkai for jealousy, jealousy)

&& ni-ki is not an exception imo!! he's also actually seventeen i kinda had to ✋

anyway yeah ni-ki's life is great in some ways but it also sucks in other ways, just like olivia depicts in the song

like yeah he's in a big k-pop group but also he's been through so much 🤧. this obviously does not mean that he's in any hurry to grow up, but y'all get my point (i hope)

sunghoon as 1 step forward, 3 steps back

"which lover will i get today? will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?"

sunghoon is not the type to stay with you if he doesn't like you

but in this case, he's conflicted. (ultimately, he does not like you enough to not toy with your feelings, but alas...)

&& yeah, he might regret it soon after acting cold, but that doesn't matter because he'll act nice but do it again & possibly repeat until the end of the relationship

oh god, heartbreaker sunghoon, y'all!! it's a concept!! that i live by!! (i'm not okay.)

sunoo as deja vu

"a different girl now, but there's nothing new, i know you get déjà vu"

sunoo would totally do the same activities with multiple partners 😭

he wouldn't think it's a big deal though?? he'd associate the things with good times, not people

it would suck but there's not much you can do about it

on the CONTRARY...he'd probably be pissed about you doing the same stuff with other people

especially if the break-up was on you

he'd complain to his friends about it & they'd be on his side in either situation (so would i, sorry y'all)

heeseung as enough for you

"don't you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing?"

this scenario is a real tragedy to imagine so i'm sorry about that 😭

just as with any relationship, if you were with heeseung, he would have to love you just as much as you do him.

&& if a relationship with him fell apart it would feel particularly bitter because there would be little warning signs along the way that you didn't think were a big deal

like the whole line about him not complimenting her makeup ✋🙄 (come on bro,, it's not that hard!!)

the real tragedy is that he didn't want more from you...he just didn't want you

anyways 🤠 like she said!! you'll find someone who does find you exciting :)

jake as happier

"i hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me"

it would be so hard to hate jake after a break-up 😭 especially if he was kind about it & took your feelings into account

even more so if it's been a while since the two of you called it quits & you should have moved on but you haven't

because tbh who would be able to?

&& seeing him with someone else would leave you conflicted because how could you possibly be upset with him? or his new partner?

so you'd kind of have to suck it up :( & hope he isn't as happy as he was with you :(

jay as favorite crime

"know that i loved you so bad, i let you treat me like that"

so this song is about partially blaming yourself after a heartbreak, because you "let" them treat you like that

getting dumped by this man would be so devastating

again, it would be slow -- even if you tried your hardest to hold on because you wanted him so badly, he would end up letting go in the end

it's such a horrible feeling. i don't wish it upon anyone.

anyways...before you know it 🚨 wee-ooo wee-ooo 🚨! ur heart is broken! 💔🚔 (sorry i just felt compelled to do that idk)

jungwon as hope ur ok

"somehow we fell out of touch, hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush"

as i said in my txt post, this album only has 11 songs, so this one is also assigned to soobin

&& tbh i have a pretty similar reason for choosing it but i think jungwon would be the one thinking about his old friends & acquaintances (rather than his friends thinking of him, which i said for soobin)

he seems to have a really kind heart, & the reason he's the leader of enhypen is because he's so caring

oh wow 🤧 got myself in my feels about him thinking of his i-land buddies 🤧 i'm gonna go now

txt version ☆ emails i can't send version ☆ masterlist

[roosterbruiser]

giving a life update bc it makes me feel better about myself feat. another face reveal

I think I'm gonna treat this like a sort of journal entry and include some cute pictures so this doesn't feel like an absolute dump :-)

so to begin here's a picture of my nephew (yes it's a dog)

I am so excited for all my upcoming projects. right now, my focus is on finishing CS all the way. after I finish CS, I think I'm gonna go ahead and come out w HOT TO GO! (BRB x Reader) and then start regularly posting VV and SS again. I think I have my October schedule pinned down (like everything that's coming out) and that is so exciting! I can't wait to share w y'all!

I'm a working girl now!! I nanny 4 days a week!! it's lovely!! just one baby who's only 1!! and the parents work from home so I never have to stay late or anything!! it has been a bit of a challenge getting used to the schedule (but I thrive with schedules!) so that's why I've been a bit absent on here!!

still trying to get my house set up....living room has come a loooooong way, but my bedroom is suffering! hoping to work on it here and there! but my main priority is getting back into my regularly scheduled writing!! the living room def isn't completely done (have to finish my gallery walls!) and I wish the walls weren't white, but we're renting so! I do what I must!

plus being back in the area I'm in now means I'm by my friends again so I've been Going Out And Socializing which is crazy!!! here's some pictures of me at a local brewery wearing the bolo necklace I got with @ohgodnotagainn in Colorado!!!

in all complete and utter seriousness, whenever I was coming out with a new chapter for my three stories every single week (and updating Landslide like every two days!) I was at my lowest point. I was like one nasty thought away from having a grippy sock vacation and holding onto anything that eased my Darkness--which was absolutely writing and sharing on here with everyone!

here's a pic of me when I was at one of my lowest points. I was in Chicago in the dead of winter with people I didn't know very well (it was still fun!) and had never felt more lost in my life. it also exactly coincided with my stories getting popular on here after my 200 follower celebration. like, I remember being on the train and checking my Tumblr every hour and always having 100+ notifications. I'll never forget how mind-boggling it was!! I went from 200 followers in early January to 2.8k now in late September. and I love you all SO much!!!

I'd like to think I look much happier now :-)

I kind of have a bf now and I'm sooooo embarrassed ab it. like. who breaks up with the person they thought they were gonna marry, gets back with their ex, and just stays w them??? me, I guess! no but I am actually happy. we're going to see CHAPPELL MF ROAN'S ALBUM RELEASE tomorrow and he's gonna wear a silk scarf and trim his mustache. I'm in love. like, actually in love. Alice Hoffman says, "Fall in love whenever you can." so I did!

the closest I'll give to a face reveal.....

anyway. I'm happy. the only thing I wanna work on right now is my health (simply MUST get into the hot girl mindset) and my writing!! everything else is gravy, baby!!

gonna try to answer asks / mentions / dm's this weekend!

[the-halcyon-effect]

CHAT IT'S TIME i'm gonna listen to the new make them suffer album and write my thoughts as they happen. here we go

the warning: assuming this is an intro track. they normally are

yeah ok i was right.

weaponized: ok ok good riff i'm excited

wait this is a vibe wtf. i thought this was gonna be heavy but i ain't complaining NEVER MIND IT IS FUDJHRJDJDD

sean harmanis can do whatever he wants to me. alex can too

WTF WAS THAT LITTLE PHONK SAMPLE LMAO DJDHDJSJ

i really like the chorus here. i like sean's half scream things

please tell me this ends in a breakdown oh this HAS to

YUP THERE IT IS DHDHHDJSJS AND IT'S GROOVY TOO i love this band THEY'RE DOING A LITTLE BACK AND FORTH THING i love bands with two vocalists

oscillator: this was probably my favorite of the singles. i'm such a big fan of groovy shit i LOVE it when bands do weird rhythms. it's not quite on the level of bones but it's still very good

doomswitch: honestly probably my favorite of the singles. fucking love this song, it's the one that got me into this band in the first place. i wanna do a wall of death to it so bad

mana god: gonna be honest this one's not my favorite. idk what it is about it but it feels like it doesn't know where it's going. it's a great song obvs, make them suffer never misses, but it's not as much my thing as other songs. it was still my favorite of the singles tho

epitaph: it's a little weird that they have 4 singles in a row on the album. i'm glad to get a bunch of new songs in the second half but i do wish they were spread out a bit more. anyways this song goes so unimaginably hard i love it, it's probably my favorite of the singles

no hard feelings: ok ok a new one. let's see where this goes

ooo this is interesting it's kinda worlds apart ish. oh hi alex

oh i LIKE this verse. we don't get enough clean verses from this band

GOOD CHORUS GOOD CHORUS GOOD CHORUS i like how this one's focusing on alex a lot more

i have no idea where this song is going.

OH SHIT IS THERE GONNA BE A BREAKDOWN what's happening oh kinda. a little. actually i like this more it's kinda emotional

good song. 👍

venusian blues: interesting start. not what i expected but i'm here for it

um. what. okay moving on i guess

OH FUCK WE GOT CLEANS FROM SEAN FHDJFHHDJSJSJFHDKSKSLSKDJFJDKKDJFKDKDJFJDKSLALLSLFLDÑSÑDKFJDKSIOSOQLWKEJFJDKLSKSKDKFLSL normal. normal. normal. normal. normal. normal.

what the FUCK what are they doing. noises i guess

holy shit this is REALLY good

god i love this band

ghost of me: definitely my favorite of the singles. alex's performance in this song gives me ridiculously unimaginable amounts of gender envy i love it so much

tether: YES GOOD RIFF GOOD RIFF THIS IS WHAT I'M FUCKING LOOKING FOR I LOVE THIS DJDJHFJFHSHSJSKF

sean how do you do that.

FASCINATING chorus. not what i expected at all

this kinda sounds like a song off htsaf. idk why

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK THIS BACK AND FORTH THING WHAT ALEX WHERE WAS THAT HOW DO YOU DO THAT SO FAST this is my favorite of the new songs. so far at least. we will see what happens with the last one

how are we ending this. i can't tell

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT THAT'S NOT WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL THAT IS WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THAT'S and it's over. huh. okay

small town syndrome: groovy ass verse. i love this band's rhythms

OOOOH alex is going HIGH for the chorus i like that a LOT and now it's riff time i guess.

i need alex to come to my house and i'm not finishing that sentence.

MOTHERFUCKER

if this ends with another breakdown i will lose it. ok never mind. holy shit that was amazing

i guess i should do final thoughts now.

uh.

holy fucking shit i love this band.

i think that's all i have. good album one of my favorites 👍

[3vi3evie]

My idea of what the Arctic Monkeys albums mean

So idk if y’all already know this or I’m just reaching and I’m slowly going insane but ya. Also I’m basing this off of Alex Turner mainly.

Okay so

WPSIATWIN(2006)- Johanna Bennett 2005-2007

FWN(2007)- Johanna Bennett 2005-2007

Humbug(2009)- Alexa Chung 2007-2011

Suck it and See(2011)- Alexa Chung 2007-2011

AM(2013)-Arielle Vandenberg 2011-2014

Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino (2018)- Taylor Bagley 2015-2018

The Car(2022)- Louise Verneuil 2018-now

So like apparently Alex Turner cheated on Taylor with Louise. In the song “Body Paint” I think Alex is singing about someone cheating. This leads me to believe he wrote the album kinda about himself. This can also be backed up with the song “Mr. Schwartz” because “Schwartz” is German for someone with dark hair which describes him. In the song “I ain’t quite where I think I am” he says “And I can see both islands now” I think this refers to Louise and Taylor being the islands.

Tranquility base hotel and casino is very abstract. In the beginning I thought that this album didn’t really tell much of a story like their other albums so it really lead me to think Alex was using drugs of some sort after doing research on this topic. (I’m not trying to shame this like it’s ur body do what you want because I can’t change that). TBH&C is like another reality and Alex is trying to promote this world. In the song “Four out of five” he is saying that this “hotel” is four stars out of the five. If you look into the lyrics it kinda gets weird as well as “TBH&C”

“All the nights that never happened.And the days that don't exist.At the information action ratio.Only time that we stop laughing is to breathe or steal a kiss.I can get you on the list for all the clubs.I can lift you up another semitone”

“And do you celebrate your dark side.And then wish you'd never left the house?.Have you ever spent a generation.Trying to figure that one out?”

This reminds me of like the Cecil Hotel in California Los Angeles. Alex Turner did live in LA 2013-2020 I believe.

“I just wanted to be one of The Strokes. Now look at the mess you made me make.Hitchhiking with a monogrammed suitcase miles away from any half-useful imaginary highway.”

This opening to “Star Treatment” is saying how Alex Turner just wanted to be like The Strokes and that didn’t really work out but he can’t get away from this now. This idea is kinda also shown in “American Sports”.

“I lost the money, lost the keys,but I'm still handcuffed to the briefcase.”

I think he is trying to say he couldn’t keep up this reputation after the AM album because that’s really what they are most known for but it’s not them anymore but it will always be apart of their identity as a band. Also in the song “Big Ideas” from “The Car” album it says

“I had big ideas the band was so excited. The kind you'd rather not share over the phone. But now, the orchestra's got us all surrounded.And I cannot for the life of me remember how they go.”

So idk really what this is it’s probably a reach or something and don’t believe all this because it could be untrue. I know this is some Reddit ass shit but I don’t have Reddit lmaooo. Anyways bye bitch

[newluvrs]

so, obviously I'm quite sad and I think mostly everyone at this point has said all there is to say and consider about this situation, so I'm just gonna talk about what all of this looks like for me.

I'm having an extremely difficult time, and I have been for the past year. As things got harder, I steadily became a bigger and bigger fan of riize bc I needed some sense of comfort in the craziness that has been my life this last year. I found the bravery to start writing for them bc I was very giddy and excited to return to liking something that had faded out of my life a bit as I had gotten older. unfortunately, the kinds of problems I have in my life are not just things that go away. I'm gonna be very transparent with all of you and just kinda tell you what things have been like for me this last year. I will skip on the more personal details bc I don't want to be morbid, but I actively work about 60 hours a week. I come home so tired and exhausted and all I can think to do to bring me comfort in those times is to watch their content. it makes me happy, and laugh and smile and I can go on knowing that no matter how hard my day was it's not the end of the world. I took the situation with seunghan so personally bc I had a very similar situation that paralleled his. When the announcement of his return came through, I can't even begin to explain the relief I felt. My roommate had asked me how I was feeling and I had told them that for me it felt like this really weird of symbolism of no matter how hard it gets that I can make it through. Today I cried so hard about this it scared me, I just felt defeated. Of course it wasn't just about this, I just have so much going on constantly and this was the biggest punch in the face.

I adore riize, and I can't erase how much they have been part of my every day this past year. I don't think I could at this point in my life, because truthfully I need to know that there is something waiting for me at the end of difficult and tiring days. I'm going to keep writing for them. That being said I am truly in so much pain right now. beyond kpop, beyond all of this. I want sooooo badly for him to stay, but despite my selfishness I more than anything want him to do what is best for his psyche. Kpop is not worth your life, and unfortunately as someone who has been into it for almost a decade now, I know how this ends when it gets too serious, and I pray that it never comes to that and that he is safe and happy regardless of the decision he makes. I still wish things would turn out differently. but I'm still here.

I went to ktown today bc I had cried for hours and was just feeling super down, so I went and bought some albums, one of which being the get a guitar version I don't own, and this was my pull. I'm choosing to look at it as a good sign. anyways, I hope yall continue to wait for my writing.. I miss it I really do, I'm just in a rough patch right now and I hope you all understand. I made a small playlist of songs that remind me of seunghan here, I hope you can listen and think of him positively.

[prinnamon]

@spiderh0rse has been posting some fantastic notes while it makes its way through Freeman's Mind, so i got inspired to do the same for Mind of Ryan today! it's a shorter series, so here's my thoughts on all eight episodes plus extras. was not expecting to sit down and watch it all today but i was overcome by the need to do so. you know how it is.

WIKI

full name: Ryan Harrison Sullivan

date of birth: August 25, 1976

has received HEV training

working in "mechanics & AI development"

EPISODE 1

listening to "Anywhere But Here" from the album The Story Of The Mechanical Man by Behavior at the start of Episode 1, meaning the series must take place after its release in May 2001.

drives to work ("helicopter rides are too expensive," so apparently the employees have to pay out-of-pocket to fly out to the facility)

didn't sleep well the night before. yet another mindverse character who refuses to get good sleep or eat a nice meal

wears his lab coat all the time even outside of work because he thinks it makes him look "cool as fuck" and because it's very comfortable. people think he's weird for this.

he used to live in michigan

one time a raccoon bit into the power lines and this knocked the power out for the entire town he lived in

willing to shrug it off when people start talking like sephiroth in his mentions say concerning shit. very "haha ok whatever you say man"

barney is his roommate. ryan thinks of him as lazy. barney relies on ryan as his alarm but ryan is not above giving the fuck up since barney is a heavy sleeper

excited at the sight of a mechanical keyboard (based)

appreciator of air conditioning. his college (presumably UChicago; see Episode 6.5) had no a/c.

ryan knows barney gets pissed about it when he finds a safety violation like a lack of handrails on a staircase or walkway, but he never reports these violations

just. casually hops over a counter to throw something away in an inaccessible trash can. tells people to get over themselves about it when they react negatively

EPISODE 2

ryan works in sector G as a robotics engineer

wonders if he's "the only young scientist here," so probably either doesn't know Gordon, Felix, Stark, and Ramirez or is only referring to his department

KNOWS COLETTE GREEN. LIKES HER. THINKS SHE'S COOL. (based)

"she is just the right amount of crazy." is a little younger than her

hasn't been late to work often.

could live without his break, but it would suck.

thinks the transit station is "unnecessarily huge"

can get a little mean in a tense situation (calls a guard a "dumbass")

mind goes blank in a crisis ("i just don't even know what to fucking think right now!")

EPISODE 3

his chest hurts when he wakes up. presumably from cpr.

"my brain isn't really registering everything that's happening. i feel like i should be panicking, but i'm not."

hates roaches. does know they're a vital part of the ecosystem and that his hatred is irrational but hates them anyway

"hi, rat."

notices his lab coat is dirty. he's unsure why he's fixated on that when he has bigger problems.

cold and wet and NOT having fun!

illustrated end card shows him holding his flashlight up over his shoulder

EPISODE 4

gets attacked by a headcrab, which presumably gives him the little cut on his right cheek seen in every end card from this episode forward!

uncurious about the aliens. does NOT want to know what they are. just get him outta there

knows everything about the tau cannon. recites facts about it to calm himself down. i think his mental "happy place" is just a rotating 3D model of the tau cannon. which is incredibly real. also he calls it the tau cannon (based)

his plan for today, if he'd actually gotten to work, was to "see if [he] could apply a self-limiter to the alt fire to prevent it from overcharging."

he wishes he was in his lab right now.

his reaction to seeing a dead guard lying next to their equipment is "oh, hey, a bulletproof vest!" and he takes it and puts it on with NO hesitation. he then immediately starts searching the corpse for other useful shit. and this is like. one of the first dead bodies he came across. really just getting right to it. who needs to descend into apathy when you can save time by starting there?

able to recognize that this situation is incredibly fucked-up but not really able to engage with that fact emotionally.

it feels wrong to him to kill the headcrab zombies. he recognizes that they probably used to be his coworkers. after taking out two of them, he resolves not to do it anymore.

EPISODE 5

his black mesa-issued flashlight is a shake-to-charge light.

barnacles are "ceiling tongues."

"man, that thing killed Bob. he was two days from retirement. how could you do that?" i have no idea if he's being serious and he recognized the construction worker who got killed by a barnacle here or if he's making a joke to dispel the horrors—oh. yeah. he flat out says he has no clue who that guy was

his robotics lab is in the biology building! he doesn't understand this, but he also doesn't mind. (Heather's a biologist! maybe he knows her, since they work in close proximity.)

ditches the vest for improved mobility.

chuckles in disbelief after managing an impressive feat of acrobatics

says electrical failures and brief power outages were regular occurrences even before the incident

takes a snickers bar off a dead guard

could go for a pizza right now

can't rule out that the facility's haunted

"what the fuck is that? wait. that reaction is not suitable. allow me to rephrase: AAAAAAAAHHH!" hmm. i see. makes another tally mark on my "Ryan's first instinct in this situation is not to panic, and he only really does so because he thinks it's what a reasonable person would do right now" list

EPISODE 6

lived out of a storage unit for a while when he had no other option. he packed all his stuff in a rented storage unit and hid his bed behind the stacks of boxes. it was always miserably cold in there and he did Not have bedding. being in the drainage canal reminds him of what that was like

acknowledges he may have to fight the headcrab zombies eventually but "just can't stand the idea of beating them to death" because of how violent and brutal it feels

really doesn't wanna leave the guard with the broken leg to die but reluctantly accepts his weapon when he says he's "never gonna make it"

even with a gun, he'd rather run from danger. gotta conserve ammo.

"why is it so difficult to leave the building?!"

impressed that the guy in the control room hacked the announcement system. tried to do so for April Fools last year but failed to bypass the firewall

panics and accidentally kills(?) mister control room by shooting the bullsquid attacking him with a shotgun, sending both the bullsquid and the guy flying out the window. feels really truly quite bad about that.

EPISODE 6.5

ryan went to the university of chicago!

ryan drinks squirt (the grapefruit-flavored soda)

in 1995 he spent $1500 on a giant fucking heavy ass laptop while absolutely not having the money to do so. he regrets nothing. he love computer

EPISODE 7

OH RYAN HAS A CUSTOM 3D MODEL. OKAY. SICK. ANIMATED OPENING.

has a cell phone on him

injured his leg pretty bad when the elevator fell but doesn't seem to have lost consciousness at any point. yeowch!

concerned about how the pain in his ears from firing a gun in a vent is significantly less than the pain earlier from the houndeyes' soundwave. wonders if he's sustained permanent hearing damage.

his tune has changed regarding vents. hated being in the first one he had to crawl into. now they're a nice change of pace, because he at least knows larger enemies can't follow him in and chase him.

barnacles ceiling tongues are now "tongue monsters." he addresses one as Chunky the Tongue Monster.

a little sad/guilty watching as guards fight for their lives and he ascends on an elevator towards the surface. "this whole situation is just so fucked, man. you just kinda have to look after yourself, and if anybody gets hurt or dies, you just have to leave them. damn."

his phone is a Nokia 3300B. it is a thing of beauty.

once he gets high enough to have cell service, he gets a call from Tod Arlen, who's been trying to call him for hours. Ryan says Arlen's "the last person [he] expected a call from."

arlen has already escaped with Kate by this point!

arlen warns ryan that he's heard some black ops chatter and they plan to blow the place up. ryan is silent about this until arlen's like "are you there?" and ryan very calmly/dismissively says "yeah. well don't worry about me, man. im almost at the parking garage so i'll be fine :)"

they make plans to meet at the clayton airport when ryan gets out. (and, over the phone with arlen, ryan does seem pretty confident it's a "when" situation, not an "if.")

ryan seems calm and casual throughout the phone call but lets himself freak out about the gravity of the situation as soon as he hangs up. ("i'm going to fucking die.")

EPISODE 8

the wiki suggests that an eighth episode was in production at one point, but there's no such thing on YouTube unless you count an unlisted video called "Shotgun SFX Test - Mind of Ryan Episode 8"

there's an end card for ep8 showing ryan having survived being shot. i don't believe episode 8 got made. i think the illustration is all there is.

there is a speedpaint of the episode 8 end-card tho!

"STARTING OVER."

"the only way mind of ryan will come back is through the form of a reboot, and i don't know when or if that's going to happen."

[inconsideratekidney]

9/11/24

oop. that title is a date. i don't hold any strong opinions towards that, but also won't try to say anything that would be appropriate just cause it's a certain date. whatever. idk what to say. ok um moving on.

walking home thoughts:

my hair is definitely hairing the way i want it to. i like the length more than a longer or shorter length, but it is also what is considered the awkward length. i only really hate it when it hasn't been washed in a bit, which is often, but today i was happy with it.

what is up with mongo pushing? like just use your front foot. why are you making yourself do more work and look goofy (but not in the right way) doing so?

while i say that i am also holding my fist firmly in the air, upset and regretful that i left my skateboard at home

i really love the way the algae over the pond looks and it definitely makes me feel really excited and warm inside. idk why.

also i hate the walk home. i wish i had my skateboard because why does it take so long. i used to walk so fast like 4 years ago and i've just slowed down for some reason since 3 years ago. wtf.

everyone needs a freakin dpiel in their life. i thought this a couple days ago, but thought about it again today on my walk home. he has such good music taste and makes me listen to artists i wouldn't have thought of on my own and would be like "eh" before, but since he played it in front of me i was like "oh, i'm a dumbass. i have been missing out on some fantastic music" this includes childish gambino, tame impala, and steve lacey, but there are so many songs that he plays that i also love from varying different artists. i also silently add these songs to my library, but i think they're really cool. shoutout to dpiel. striptease, kilby girl, dang!, hey lover, and les were all songs from one drive that i downloaded i believe. keep doing ur thing, man, love to see it.

related, but not from my walking home thoughts, from my now thoughts, i am currently loving music i hear from gabriel like a lot, and starting to like music from miles and obviously dpiel. i've been heavily into arctic monkeys, glass animals, childish gambino, some songs from kevin abstract (i need to explore that avenue further), some from megan thee stallion honestly, some steve lacey, really into tory lanez (controversial cuz he shot megan thee stallion in the foot and wouldn't admit it, but okay.....i really like his music even if he steals it without credit......but i hate who he is as a person), some future, heavy on the weeknd, the whole metro boomin spiderman album, machine gun kelly, some cage the elephant, then some various gabriel songs as i will call them. super loving music rn.

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i super duper hate pimples. especially this one in my ear that just finally decided to fuck off. hate them with a vengeance. especially since it fucked with my every day life and hurt like hell when i kept accidentally scratching it. anyway.

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i finally put my string lights up. still haven't gone to the store for a rug or finished my shelf journey. we got wood tho so yeehaw. gotta figure out the machinery and how tf to get started. i really want to make my bed space more comfy and inviting. especially when i am here way too often, i want to make it super duper comfy. but like not too comfy to where i never leave, but less springy as it is right now. i want to put my mattress topper back on, but my fitted sheets keep coming off of it and make me want to kill something every time they pop off a corner. also it is a little wrong, it sinks in a bit and feels kind of weird. my mom spent money on it so i should use it tho. ugh.

I want to go back to playing the sims. i keep seeing really cool ideas on youtube, i really want to be more creative, so i think i'll go and try some that i've had saved for some time. i kept losing at wii sports tennis for some reason emily and akira are really good :| makin me wanna throw the controller into the tv (i didn't, it's not my controller or tv, and i would never do that if it was pff..).

my throat hurts and i could be getting sick >:( i hate getting sick, especially the sore throat kind. i am going to gargle that cpc mouthwash before that shit decides to go down my entire throat and up my sinuses. fuck you u stupid shit. i'm not staying sick this time, bitch.

anyway, lemme worsen my oncoming headache by playing the sims instead of winding down for bed.

goodnight, good afternoon, good morning, good day,

kD