#anyway i was considering going through art and putting together this year's compilation and have decided for my m

[fooltofancy]

this year was very long, and in a lot of ways very difficult, and even though i've made it a lot more difficult for myself in many ways by moving i'm actually feeling so, so much better mentally and emotionally it's like. deeply, deeply comforting and affirming. somehow.

[ac-goddess-of-destruction]

LOOK OUT FOR THE LITTLE GUY

I've read the book (it's a really nice read, if you have the time and interest to read it, do it. You won't regret it.). Anyway, I've decided to compile all the mentions of Scott and Hope's relationship present in the book for those who won't read it for whatever reason. Warning: This is a LOOONG post (there are two full chapters of the book in here!). ALSO, all the credit goes to the writer(s) and all the people involved in its making. I literally just copied chunks of it and put it.

DEDICATION

TO MY TWO FAVORITE PARTNERS: HOPE AND CASSIE, THIS ONE’S FOR YOU!

INTRODUCTION

(Scott fills the readers in on all the events he was present from the first Ant-Man to the Civil War and then Endgame)

“That’s when—thanks to Thanos—half of all life in the universe disappeared. So no, no peace on Earth or anywhere else. I wasn’t around for those five years of missing people (you’ll find out why soon), but I came back just in time, jumped to a different timeline, fought, like, every bad guy in the universe on a field in upstate New York, helped the Avengers stop Thanos, and put all the people back where they belonged. Including, last but not least, putting my precious Hope back together with me!”

REDOS & REDON’TS

“I was five years behind the rest of the world just trying to process it. Then it suddenly got super-personal. As I soon came to learn, my newly adopted family—Hank, Hope, and Janet—were also no more.”

MAKING YOUR HOUSE ARREST…A HOME ARREST

“One advantage of having a house decorated “bachelor-style” is that there’s just about nothing for you to break or stain, and even if you do, no one will care. I didn’t have Hope around to disapprove of my mess (which, I have to admit, gave me a slight twinge of sadness every time I made one). So instead, I leaned in to the other “special girl” [Cassie] in my life and gave her every inch of grubby floor I could.”

[THE FREEDOM PARADOX]

“Under normal conditions, all day long I have nothing but options. I can basically fly (well, at least while riding an ant or catching a ride with Hope).”

Q: Besides having wings, is the Wasp suit the same as the Ant-Man one?

A: First of all, I’m going to pause on that “besides,” because I’ve still never gotten agood explanation from Hank about this obviously glaring injustice! He always mumbles some tech gibberish about “lift/drag issues,” and then suddenly he “has a meeting.”

But there are two main differences between the Wasp and Ant-Man suits that I’m aware of. One are these wrist- mounted gauntlets that can fire powerful blasters, which Hope has used in some key battles. The other difference, which I admittedly don’t fully understand, is a more intuitive—as opposed to manual—control system. Basically, I have to use buttons to change size, whereas Hope can just control this feature with her mind.

This allows her to amplify her strength. And, considering how strong she is at normal size, let me just say: Do not mess with the tiny Wasp!” - FAAMQ [Frequently Asked Ant-Man Questions]

ANT, INC.

(Scott is recounting the events of the 1st Ant-Man)

“So Hank started me on regular training sessions with my tiny future colleagues. (For the record, this was already on top of daily, physically exhausting combat training sessions with Hope. But that I didn’t mind as much, because, you know, getting to be with Hope!)”

“To really get through to ants, Hope and Hank had taught me that you have to maintain this extreme, almost meditative level of focus on precisely what you want to say to them.

Easier said than thought!

(...) Fortunately, Hope got to the heart of my problem. She helped me figure out that I couldn’t focus because ultimately I kept thinking about Cassie. So, like the martial- arts master she is, Hope showed me how to turn that from a weakness into a strength: to use that burning concern as a laser beam to focus my intentions, and block out everything else.”

“I climbed out of the mound, dejected and feeling like a failure. Definitely letting that mind of mine wander again, back to all the usual places. Hank is going to send me back to jail. Hope will never love me. I’ll never get to see Cassie again!

When I walked back into the lab, full-sized again, Hank as always had the perfect words for my current state of mind: “What the hell are you doing here?”

Fortunately, Hope was a little more sympathetic. Even though she still had her doubts about me, she also reminded her dad of how his early experiments with the EMP were huge fails.

(...) She counseled me on how to present myself as more than just not a threat—as someone who they willingly followed because I “got them.” Ants, just like people, respond better to direction from someone capable of seeing their perspective.

I hit the shrink button again and climbed back into the Hill, pondering Hope’s challenge.”

ANT-MAN & THE WASP: SECOND DATE, OR SECOND CHANCE?

(Entire chapter)

SOME COUPLES HAVE A “meet-cute.” Some meet online. Many more meet at a bar than is really advisable.

Hope and I had a meet-weird.

And I don’t mean just how, the first time we laid eyes on each other, I was waking up in her father’s bed, surrounded by a brigade of sentry ants prepared to devour me like a giant bread crumb. Or that we got to know each other’s “vulnerabilities” through weeks of brutal martial-arts training. Or that the first time we shared a tear, it wasn’t after an argument or a sappy movie. It was over the death of a half-inch-long insectile colleague named “Ant-thony.” (RIP wherever you are, little guy!)

And the way we originally met…? Let’s just say, how many relationships have you had that began with you breaking into your (future) partner’s dad’s basement to steal a piece of secret technology?

At least there was one way in which our relationship was typical: We had a little “difficult patch” and broke up for a while. But even then, the way we got back together was…okay, once again, weird. I want to share the story with you, because it kind of leads to later events with the Avengers. But one thing I’ve learned about being in a relationship (sometimes the hard way!) is that two different people can experience the same thing together…in two entirely different ways. So to make sure I’m getting the story straight, I’m sitting down with Hope to hear, and share, her take on what happened.

It all started right after our Pym Tech heist, when I was recruited by some Avengers to go fight some other Avengers. (See? It’s not just couples who have breakups.) Unfortunately, in doing so, I kind of borrowed the Ant-Man suit and took it to Germany without asking permission.

Hope has quite a different take on this. As she recounts it, “My father and I had just begun to trust you, and to think of you as someone who could possibly join the tight- knit circle of what we Pym/Van Dynes had devoted our lives to. In my mom’s case, what she’d sacrificed so much of her life for. And besides trust, I was starting to develop some…non-professional feelings for you, too. And then you went and betrayed everything.”

That perspective explains why Hope (and Hank) cut off all ties to me for the next two years while I was put under house arrest for acting as an “unregistered Super Hero” in that intra-Avenger fracas.

Still, you know me! I prefer to focus on the positive. Like Hope’s and my emotional reunion when she came to spring me from house arrest to help her and Hank.

But as before, Hope says she experienced somewhat…different feelings during that reunion. In her words: “Disgust. Did you spend the entire two years in that bathrobe? And also, disgust on a deeper level. Seeing you again, remembering you in Dad’s suit, and what you had done with it, it brought up all kinds of complicated feelings I’d been trying to put behind me.”

Fortunately for both of us (and eventually, the world) Hope doesn’t let any feeling get in the way of a mission. Especially one involving her mother. Janet Van Dyne, wife of Hank, formerly known as The Wasp, had been trapped in the Quantum Realm for decades, but she had recently found a way to contact us. And now we were going to try to find her by going back into Hank’s Quantum Tunnel.

Except to do that, we needed a key component, and the only way we could get it was from this sleazebag underground tech dealer named Sonny Burch. So we set up a meeting with him to buy it. Only, during that meeting, Burch figured out who Hope was and double-crossed her to steal Hank’s lab, which had been shrunk down to the size of a suitcase.

Hope, again, remembers this a bit differently. According to her, “There was no ‘we.’ It was me alone at that skeevy hotel bar with Burch and his cronies, then suddenly I was fighting them off alone, then you showed up too late, then you let that glowing woman named ‘Ghost’ run off with the lab!”

I’m not sure this is a completely fair assessment. But I can see why Hope felt that way, because at that point, she was still very untrusting of me. Our first meetup in two years, and the first thing I do is put her dad’s life’s work in jeopardy—for the second time.

Scott “glass half full of Pym Particles” here again: We got the suitcase lab back!

However, Hope reminds me, “Actually, before that, we got captured by Ghost—who was only going to let us go if we healed her quantum energy problems by killing my mom!”

Obviously, that was unacceptable, so we managed to escape, got the tunnel working again, and even, finally, got into direct communication with Janet Van Dyne. What a relief!

Again, though, from Hope’s POV, “relief” wasn’t what she was feeling. She reminds me that it wasn’t exactly direct communication, as—thanks to a bizarre property of the Quantum Realm—Janet was actually speaking through me.

As she puts it, “Can you imagine anything more disturbing than hearing your long-thought- to-be-dead mother’s words coming out of your ex-boyfriend’s mouth?”

Honestly, I can’t. And I’d really rather not try.

But still, we’d actually found Janet! And now the only challenge was figuring out how we could get into the Quantum Realm to rescue her.

Here, too, Hope remembers a few more complications. “There was also the fact your prison buddies had ratted Dad and me out, getting us arrested by the FBI. Plus Ghost still had my dad’s stolen work.”

Of course, she’s right, and that was a really rough road. I don’t mean to downplay it. I think it was just that, because Hope and I had survived tougher scrapes, my confidence in us—a confidence that I understand she wasn’t quite feeling at that point—was keeping me going.

And this is where I’m really glad I asked Hope to join me for this, because what she says next is a bit of a revelation to me…

“Scott, you don’t know what it was like growing up with Hank Pym as a father…seeing how important all of this was to him…feeling how he lived and died over every breakthrough and setback. And here we were, on the cusp of losing all of it.”

She’s right. I really had no clue about how deeply all this cut for her until now. Both Hope and Hank play things so close to the vest, sometimes it’s hard to see how hard the disappointments hurt them where it counts.

But to get back to the story, I definitely owed Hank Pym a “Get Out of Jail Free” card, so I used some of my old ex-con skills to bust us out of FBI custody. Then we took on Ghost, endured a seemingly endless series of car chases, and battled back and forth for possession of that shrunken lab all the way to San Francisco Bay. That’s where I used the suit to go giant and snatch Hank’s lab back once and for all.

As I talked about briefly before, using Pym Particles to turn gigantic takes a toll. Although I successfully grabbed the (then, to me, minuscule) lab, I also lost consciousness and plunged into the bay—where the World’s Greatest Super Hero rescued me from a watery grave.

Hope seems okay with this description.

Then, after a tiny-hair-raising expedition into the Quantum Realm, Hank managed to get Janet back out. Whew! All’s well that ends well.

Right?

At this point, Hope remains silent for a minute. Then, slowly and carefully, she speaks. “I spent that day in absolute terror about my mom.”

She continues, “And that was on top of all the tough stuff we’d been through. Someone always going to prison. Multiple sociopaths trying to kill us, sometimes at the same time. And then, having my mom come back from what we thought was the dead after three decades? I know I act like nothing fazes me, but it was a lot.”

She’s right. It was. And here’s what I’m telling Hope, and what I also want to tell you, about whatever you’re going through—on the inside or outside. Whether it involves glowing quantum ladies or not:

You don’t have to deal with this alone.

In a strange way, I think that insight might be part of how Hope and I eventually managed to patch things up. I had broken her and her Dad’s trust, massively. But during all this we found a way of connecting again.

You see, Hope didn’t share a lot of what she was going through at the time. In fact, I’m just finding out about a lot of it right now, as I write this!

But as the two of us dove back into the fray together, part of me was working twice as hard to show her how dedicated I was to her and her dad (and mom)—to prove how much they meant to me. I’d like to think that just enough of that “being there 200 percent” got through to her.

And since I don’t see Hope shaking her head “No,” I’ll keep going and conclude with one more thought:

“Being there 200 percent” is something we all can do for each other, no matter what kind of relationship we’re in. Or what relationship we’re trying to mend. I managed to prove to Hope that she wasn’t alone, because I was there—and not going anywhere.

And on this point, Hope says our stories are in perfect alignment.”

SIDE BY SIDE SUPER HEROING WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

(Entire chapter)

“OKAY, SO NOW HOPE and I were back together, for what seemed like the long haul. Which meant we were now facing one of those paradoxes of life: Sometimes you fight the most with the one you love. But what if you’re also simultaneously fighting Super Villains?

Clearly disregarding the time-tested maxim “Don’t date at work,” I’ve come to appreciate both the perks and pitfalls of this lifestyle.

Confusingly, though, those perks and pitfalls often go hand in hand. To illustrate what I mean, imagine working, very closely and on a daily basis, with the person you’re most attracted to in the world. And then, during that work, seeing them at their very best: strong, steady, steely under even the most terrifying conditions. Always cool-headed and mission-focused. And to top it all off, bringing all those qualities to the service (and usually, life-saving) of others!

Sometimes it takes more than Super Hero strength to not feel overwhelmed by a gusher of love and admiration.

And when you do find yourself with them in a moment of respite, especially if it happens to be in a beautiful location (hey, Super Villains like to get outside sometimes, too), it can get very confusing. Part of your brain is screaming, “Remember why you two are here together,” while another part is murmuring, “Hey, couldn’t we just steal a moment to enjoy this nice place we ended up together?”

To say nothing of those situations when you’re trapped with them in a very small space and are reminded of just how darn good she always smells.

And that’s one of the good problems!

A larger complication in this perpetually unbalanced work-life balance is what I call fighting other battles. Perhaps this rings true in your relationships as well? You’re yelling and screaming at each other over the stupidest thing, and often it’s not until later that you realize that all that rage was not even truly about that thing! It was about a completely different stupid thing that you were annoyed about earlier, but which never got resolved.

The dangerous part is when that pent-up unfought fight spills over into the actual life-or-death one you’re currently engaged in. “Oh, so you can aim that reducing disc right at an oncoming military transport vehicle, but you can’t toss a T-shirt into the laundry hamper?” “Oh, so you’ll take three punches to the head from a mercenary but you’re afraid to try one bite of my world- famous ‘Chili Dog Meatloaf’?”

The good news is, there’s a quick way out of any of these intertwined battles. It’s by reciting a set of words so devastatingly powerful, even Doctor Strange has nothing that competes.

Those magical words? “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

Another anxiety I’ve felt in all my relationships, but which takes on a sharper hue on the battlefield, is one I call exposing your true self.

And I don’t mean that alter-ego/secret identity game. Let’s face it: Ever since Tony Stark straight-up announced to the world, “I am Iron Man!” that whole move has lost its subversive cool factor. Nowadays, the only reaction I get from clearing my throat, retracting my helmet, and proclaiming in a deep, rich, dramatic baritone, “I am Ant- Man,” is, “Noted. And would Ant-Man like curly fries with that?”

No, what I’m talking about is revealing your worst traits to the last person you’d ever want to think any less of you.

For me, that worry comes up around the issue of showing fear around Hope. Which I know, on an intellectual level, is just silly. Maybe it’s a hero complex (yes, even actual heroes get them). But for me at least it’s real, and it’s a constant struggle.

And what’s odd is, it’s not really even my biggest problem. I’m fairly proud of the fact that—whether facing down one half of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes or the Universe’s Biggest Threat—I don’t scare that easily. But Hope doesn’t even seem capable of fear. It’s like the woman was born without an amygdala. Or maybe she’s just trained it out of herself, with that same steely drive and determination that first made her a hero and now has made her a business leader.

Either way, the upshot is, when I get even just a little bit scared, I get more scared of Hope seeing me scared. If that was confusing to follow, imagine trying to keep a handle on it in the middle of a fight.

Sometimes in the heat of battle, I can’t help but stop and think, “She likes me?” This usually happens right before I get knocked unconscious.

Another challenge to my sense of combat-time couple zen is temper. When all your senses are locked onto defeating your foe, you don’t have a lot of mental gas left in the tank to choose your words carefully. So what happens when the two of you have a plan, but it’s swiftly going wrong? Or even worse, when the plan is still good but one of you forgot or screwed up their part? And the bad guy is using that advantage to close in!

There was this one time when the two of us were cut off from out resizing controls, a set of mechanical gears were getting to chew up, and Hope felt, correctly, that we could have escaped the situation more easily had I loaded in the magnetized grappling hook rather than the unmagnetized one.

However, Hope chose to express this sentiment in language… so colorful, it informed me that she indeed know a four-letter would besides “can’t.”

Now, in even the most benign situations, the tendency in a couple is to lash out, because you know the other person can “take it”. You feel, as it were, safe.

But in battle, you’re literally the opposite of safe.

And you know that expression “Watch out or you might say something you regret”? In the civilian world, that’s of course great advice, along with “Never go to bed angry.” You really do never know with 100 percent certainty if you might never see a loved one alive again. But for romantically connected Super Heroes, there’s a very high statistical chance this is the very last thing you ever say to them!

Long story short, Hope and I obviously survived that near-metal mastication, as did our relationship. It just takes some getting used to, that idea that you have to fight to preserve both at the same time.

Another layer to that self-consciousness, which might be unique to me but I suspect really isn’t, is that additional meta-fear of letting her dad down. Nowadays I think I’ve proved myself to Hank Pym as a proper heir to the Ant-Man suit. But in a funny way, having earned his approval, now I feel even more anxious about losing even a drop of it. Maybe because it was so hard-won, or maybe because I’m starting to see him as a role model for the kind of hero I want to be.

Now obviously, Hope is in every possible way her own person who makes her own decisions. But somehow, subconsciously, there’s still a part of me that feels like I’m living on a borrowed time. Like one day, I’m going to screw things up too much, and Hank is going to swoop in (likely ferried by a river of ants) and say, “Nope. This phase of the ‘experiment’ is over.”

So that, along with the other stuff, translates into a kind of perfectionism I try to hold myself to all the time, which is completely unrealistic. And going completely impossible to remove from the ongoing soundtrack of “You don’t really deserve this, Scott” that lives in my brain 24/7. Even though I’ve bounced back countless times, there’s a still a live, burning piece of me that sees myself as no more than convict/divorcé/absentee dad. It takes more mental energy than I’d like to quiet that voice, or at least convince it that others don’t see me that way. And when things sometimes go south with Hope, as they do in all relationships, I can hear it shouting, “You see? She knows you’re still no go at the core.”

It also doesn’t help when I remember how happy my ex Maggie is with her new guy. That accusatory voice now switches over and starts asking, “Are you just standing in the way of Hope being much happier with another guy?”

Now the good news is, having lived and loved through this rocky terrain, I’ve found some bright spots as well. One is that Hope and I—like most couples who’ve been together for a while—have a secret language. Shorthand, absurd names, shared references, and inside jokes that can be as helpful in situations with no time to spare as it is annoying when we play Charades with friends. Cracking those jokes can also be critical to boosting each other’s morale in moments when all seems lost. On the other hand, an inopportune but uncontrollable snicker can also be the thing that fatally gives away your position.

Along these lines, we’ve also developed a pretty keen talent for anticipating the other’s move. No, not the way you’re undoubtedly thinking—on the dance floor. There’s no hope for me there. But when we’re locked in combat, even a telepath couldn’t keep up with the speed of our nonverbal communication.

And as unbelievable as it sounds, taking on evil can be a really helpful form of relationship building. Love experts say that for a couple to stand the test of time, they should have an “indoor hobby” and an “outdoor hobby”. Fortunately, when you’re going on high-stakes missions, you often get both of those things in one afternoon.

Heroing it up together also helps with your sense of relationship chill. Put simply, after a long day or week or quantum half-decade of battling baddies, the two of us just come home and collapse of the sofa. Which is heaven. We get to do normal couple things, like disagree over who’s killing the plants faster. Hope gets to let guard down and get extremely, almost frighteningly passionate over who needs to go home from Dating-Show Island. I get to see her actually, atypically, be bad at something. (For example: When we play a video game together….well, let’s just say that Hope would probably better mowing down zombies in real life—not like that would ever happen!)

But the main saving is, we’re just too exhausted to argue about anything. Which I admit doesn’t help with the “unresolved issues” point I made above. But it’s a nice feeling to come home and settle into. It makes out humble, slightly stained sofa feel more secure than even the Raft prison.

And that feeling is just one example of how what Hope and I do together helps us appreciate couplehood. There are soooo many “troubled loners” in our profession, on both the good and evil side, it almost seems like a job requirement.

By contrast, Hope and I balance each other.

She’s calm, I’m alert. She’s sky, I’m earth. She commands, I obey.

But all these perks of being “heroes with benefits” pale next to the biggest one of all. The greatest advantage to being lovers and fighters is that it gives you a true sense of life’s priorities. A lot of the time we Super Heroes don’t exactly see the people we’re saving; we have to just to hold the idea in our heads, abstractly. In our case, we see what’s at stake every moment, and then Hope races me into the house, wins (of course), flashes me that incredibly hard-won half smile, and a light in my heart comes on and recharges all my batteries at once.

Put simply, every day the two of us come back home together, in one piece, is a miracle, a precious gift. The most precious gift, to which no super-power granted by serum or gamma ray or technology could compare.

And when you’ve got that, you are the most literal definition of invincible.”

FROM BEGINNING TO ENDGAME

“Okay, so as I was just recounting last chapter, I wasn’t actually around for the Blip myself. But I got filled in on what had happened by Nat and Cap. And now our next move was to go crash Tony Stark’s cabin in the woods with my idea for fixing things: using the Quantum Realm to bring everyone back.

(…) Then again, what if it didn’t work? What if I unleashed the cruelty of getting everyone’s hopes up in an already unbearable time, only to squash them for good? What if I failed the Avengers—and Hope?

(…) I made a final emotional plea to Tony: “I know you have a lot on the line. You have a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone… very important to me. A lot of people did. And now—now we have a chance to bring her back, to bring everyone back, and you’re telling me that you won’t even—

Tony interrupted, “That’s right, Scott: I won’t even. I can't.””

(Scott is recounting the Battle at the Avengers Compound after Thanos and his Army raid —post Smart Hulk Snap)

“And… could it be? My giant heart skipped a beat at the sight of a very familiar pair of mechanized wings.

Wasp wings.

Our second snap had brought back millions.

And yet at this moment, it took only one of them for me to finally feel like my world had come back. Hope and hope together, a sight so beautiful it seemed to gleam straight into my tinted helmet.”

“To Cap, though, that was just my next assignment. He told me to get the van tunnel working, and they’d get the Stone to me.

(…) And then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Hope was by my side. As always. And suddenly the path felt completely clear.

We gave each other a look, a with one mind we went tiny, and we went for it.”

GO BIG, THEN GO HOME

“I hit the regulator button and BOOM! Big Me. (…) What I didn’t expect was that I would suddenly feel off-balance. I began to teeter, which is the last thing you want when you’re in a position to squash tens of millions of dollars’ worth of equipment plus an amazing woman you really, really want to love you.

Even worse, on the inside I was flailing for emotional balance.

(…) what if I let down Hope, and Hank?”

REGRETS? I’VE HAD A TON

“A lot of people have asked me how I managed to ruin a perfectly good marriage with Maggie. Well, I’ve given this a lot of thought over a lot of time, and I’ve finally come to understand what my biggest mistake was in this case.It was sharing with my life partner everything. Not just my own “plans” regarding VistaCorp. That was more like the final straw in a lot of “strategic miscommunications” on my part.

(…) But then of course I wouldn’t be with Hope.”

“Another bad move buried inside a good move was how I handled the big airport fight in Germany.

Nor—and this is still painful—do I completely regret doing this in secret from Hank and Hope, with equipment I stile from them. In fairness, there was just no way I could have told them. If they were caught and questioned about it—and admitted they knew what I was up to and didn’t stop me—they’d be liable as accomplices. Which would extra piss off Hope because she prefers to think of me as the accomplice.”

ANT ON THE WALL

“Q: Will you marry me?

A: What a sweet note! I’m so flattered, but I’m also still definitely with Hope.

However, I will print this out for the next time we have a fight and she makes me sleep on the Ant-Couch.” – FAAMQ [Frequently Asked Ant-Man Questions]

FROM ANT TO MAN

“Q: What was the Quantum Realm like?

A: (…)  to be fair, I only spent what felt like five hours there, most of them focusing all my attention on trying to escape and screaming, “HOOOOPE!””  – FAAMQ [Frequently Asked Ant-Man Questions]

SUNDAY IN THE LAB WITH HANK

(Not LangDyne but so wholesome)

“And then, only then, did Hank Pym drop his ultimate bombshell:

“Actually, son, seems like you’ve picked up on it [using the suit] pretty well, too. Other than Janet or Hope, there’s no one I trust more with my tech.””

“Q: Would you be willing to auction off a date with you for our charity?

A: How flattering! I do like to help out whenever I can for a good cause. I’d love to.

However, just some fair warning: Beyond the fact that I’m still with Hope, I am lousy on a date!”  – FAAMQ [Frequently Asked Ant-Man Questions]

SIZING IT ALL UP

(The bit Scott is reading at the beginning of Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania)

“What can I say? Sometimes you just get lucky. I’m lucky I met Hope Van Dyne. I think you know who she is by now. She’s taken back her dad’s company. Now she’s using the Pym Particle for global change. A lot of people say they want to save the world. But Hope—she saves it every day. Reforestation. Affordable housing. Food production. She’s not wasting a second.

I still can’t believe it; none of this should have happened. But it did.

One thing I admire most about Hope and her work is how she’s not sitting back, wondering how bad things could have gone differently. She’s taking charge and making change. Hope is racing ahead to fix future things now. She’s moved on in a way that I’m still struggling to do.

And don’t get me wrong: It’s not that I’m trapped in negativity. Sure, our planet will continue to face threats and problems. But on the whole, it’s a pretty good world. I’m glad we saved it.”

(Not LangDyne stuff or references but really nice bits that some people need to hear from someone, even if it is from a fictional character)

“You are in this place and time for a reason, and no one else is. And so—when that next uncertain, unlikely, “impossible” step is revealed to you—I urge you with every particle in my body, Pym or otherwise, to turn that “Why me?” into a “Why not me?””- Chapter “Introduction”

“Well, you know the old cliché “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”?

That cliché wants to force you to create your next move out of what you’ve been given. But there’s one very important word in there that’s often ignored: YOU.

In other words, forget the lemons. Life has already given you a you that’s like no other. And that’s what you’re better off making stuff out of.” - Chapter “Redos & Redon’ts”

“Tears are acidic, which means they dissolve stuff. But not just chemically—spiritually. They don’t dissolve your strength. They dissolve the glue that keeps you sealed into an earlier version of yourself.” - Chapter “Redos & Redon’ts”

“You are so much more than who you “were.”

Especially as you get further away from what shaped you in the past. You aren’t limited by who you are. Or at least the way others describe you.

You are what you can do. To rebuild is to take what you know how to do—no matter how unconventional or questionable that skill might seem to you now—and figure out how to do it differently. How to use it to take your life in a new direction. A better one.” - Chapter “Redos & Redon’ts”

“Maybe this was just the quantum physics talking, but I saw that I was always a different me, depending on when I was observed.

And that—more than any of Bruce’s devices—gave me the clarity to find my way to the right me.

But take it from me: You don’t need to experiment with quantum physics to get that insight for yourself. You already contain so many more versions of you than you can imagine. You just to locate them, accept their benefits and liabilities, and turn those into the best mixture of yous possible. Because that’s the you that the world needs now.

You’ve got it all inside you. You just need to learn to let it out.” – Chapter “Ages Of Lang”

“(…) regret traps us. Introspection frees us.” – Chapter “Regrets? I’ve Had A Ton”

“I want to tell you something important: You, in the exact life you’re right now, can be a hero, too.

(…) you may not have super abilities, but you definitely already have two incredible powers: a heart to care, and a voice to speak out. All you have to do is learn to use them.

First, heart.

(…) A little friendly human interaction—even something as simple as a smile or a compliment on their funny T-shirt—is a way of saying, “I see you, and I don’t take you for granted.”

(…) The good news is, you don’t need Pym Particles to instantly make someone feel bigger. Just like you can use your heart to join forces with the little guys, you can use your voice to join them on the battlefield.

To be clear, I’m not necessarily saying suggesting you jump in and meddle in someone’s life! People’s boundaries are critical and fragile, and they need to be respected.”

(…) We humans have gotten used to ignoring, overlooking, or flat-out denying the signal that says, “I’m in a bad place”, but it’s often in our faces. And there’s no hiding it.

So when you detect that signal, that’s your time to move.

(…) Don’t just go for the “is everything okay?” because that’s the megaphone problem again. It might just trigger them to redouble their emotional armor and retreat further into their lonely smallness.

Instead, try something like, “I’m here if you need me.” Nine times out of ten, they won’t actually take you up on the offer. Honestly, what they’re most likely to pick up on are just those two powerful first words: “I’m here”. Just that reminder, that they’re not alone, can make someone feel like they’re giant enough to the challenges ahead.” – Chapter “Look-Out-For-The-Little Guide”

1.TIME MATTERS

“(…) There is no time but the present! Everything you want to do, everyone you want to be, and everyone you want to be with—chase all that down today!

Don’t wait, because trust me, none of it will wait for you.” – Chapter “A Letter To My Daughter (That For Some Reason You People Are Also Reading)

2.SIZE MATTERS

“(…) We spend so much of our time operating in fear of other people—their judgment, their regard, their powerful emotions. But at the end of the day, they really don’t have the power to make or break us—no matter how they may act when we’re all the same size.

(…) Seeing the world at tiny scale makes a person truly appreciate all the tiny things—the things we too often overlook. It makes me mindful of the infinitude of miracles holding everything we care about together. It’s enough to make me truly grateful.

And trust me: Gratitude can give you more strength and energy than any power source in the galaxy.” – Chapter “A Letter To My Daughter (That For Some Reason You People Are Also Reading)”

3.SIZE DOESN’T MATTER

(…) Never let yourself get defined by anyone else’s notions of how “big” or “small” you are in their eyes. You alone decide your size, with or without a fancy red size-changing button.

And that also means you—and nobody else—are in charge of deciding when to make yourself “big” or “small” in any given situation. Be big when speaking up against an unfair boss, a disrespectful partner, and an unjust government or corporation.

And also: Be small enough to admit fault, as well as what you don’t know or need to learn.” – Chapter “A Letter To My Daughter (That For Some Reason You People Are Also Reading)”

“You never really know which moments of your life will turn out to be the best ones that mean the most. So you might as well embrace all of them!” – Chapter “Sizing It All Up”

“(…) we humans—all humans—have been given this very unique power to mentally liberate ourselves from our present moment. So what do we do with that? That’s the cool part. We’re all ultimately the authors of our own story. Of course I don’t mean we get to determine our own outcome. But we do get to decide something ultimately even more precious:

What every beat of our story means.” – Chapter “Sizing It All Up”

“You might say we all have an origin story, and that story is always being told.” – Chapter “Sizing It All Up”

“Now just to be clear, having our lives mean something isn’t the same as having it all make sense.

(…) Because what I’ve learned is, it’s not up to other people or forces to “make sense” for us. We have to make it ourselves.” – Chapter “Sizing It All Up”

[specialagentsergio]

love, in ink

summary: Spencer wants to do something special to commemorate your relationship. (or, reader and spencer get a couples’ tattoo)

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

category: fluff

content warnings: tattoos & tattooing, one very light sexual reference bc i'm a hoe

a/n: i recently got my first tattoo and i’ve been absolutely obsessed with tattoos ever since, so here you go. location and design was purposefully left vague so you can imagine anything you want, but i do write reader as already having at least two tattoos.

word count: 2.9k

masterlist

Spencer’s been thinking about it for years.

Two years, eight months, and twenty days to be exact.

Looking back, four months and ten days was pretty early to be thinking of something so permanent. But he couldn’t help it—contrary to how he thinks people perceive him, he’s a romantic. A bit of a hopeless one, really.

In any case, he had been right. Almost three years after your first date, you’re still together and absolutely in love. You live together, your lives are inseparably entwined. Every day has been an affirmation of the conclusion he came to three months into your relationship—you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

So really, four months and ten days wasn’t all that early to think of getting a tattoo with you.

He doesn’t have any, but you do, and he’s always loved them. He likes running his fingers over them, pressing kisses to them, rubbing moisturizer into them, and aiding you in making sure they’re all well covered in sunscreen before you’re going to be outside for a while.

He’d never really considered getting a tattoo until he saw how much you loved yours. It’s one of your favorite forms of self-expression, you’ve told him. You say the body art helps you feel more confident, comfortable, and at home in your body. Confidence in your body—that’s definitely something he could do with. But above everything, because it’s something you love, and Spencer loves you, it’s an experience he wants to share with you.

He brings up the idea over dinner forty-five days before your three-year anniversary. You’re reading while you eat—a common occurrence in your home for the both of you. He spins his fork in his hand a few times, then carefully sets it down and says your name.

You hold up a finger to ask him to wait; he watches your eyes move across the page as you finish the paragraph you’re on. Your attention is on him as soon as you’re finished. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” He’s nervous—he knows you love him, but what if you say no anyways? What if you don’t want to get a tattoo with him? They are permanent, after all. “It’s… I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” he admits.

Your eyes widen when you pick up on his anxiety. “Oh god, are you breaking up with me?”

He nearly chokes on the water he’d nervously sipped. “Wha—no, no!” he rushes to assure. “I—I love you. I don’t—I don’t ever want that.”

You take in a deep breath, carefully putting your book aside. “Alright. Okay.”

“Why would you think I was breaking up with you?” he asks, concerned about the conclusion you’d jumped to. “Are… are you not happy? Are things not good between us, for you? I thought—well, think, they are. Maybe I’m wrong? I could be. I’ve never been the best at reading social clues. Have I missed something? I’m sorry if I have. I--”

“Spence, Spencer.” You interrupt his nervous rambling and reach across the table, placing your hand on top of his. “Things are great between us for me. I love you, too. You were just so serious when you said you wanted to talk, it caught me off guard. It’s… not an uncommon way for a conversation about breaking up to start.”

“Oh. Sorry. I—I didn’t realize it could come off like that,” he says quietly.

“It’s okay. As long as we’re not breaking up, I’m happy.” You give his hand a squeeze before leaning back in your chair. “So, what is it you want to talk about?”

“Right.” He squares his shoulders and wipes his damp palms on his pants. “Our three year anniversary is in forty-five days, and I was thinking to celebrate, maybe we could… get a tattoo together?”

Immediately you break into the most beautiful smile—he’s happy to have an eidetic memory when it comes to moments like this. “Really?” you ask, body tense with excitement.

“Yeah. Really,” he confirms. “I, um… I guess you’re on board, then?”

“Yes!” you exclaim. “Yes, yes, yes! Oh, Spencer this is so exciting! Your first tattoo!”

He doesn’t bother to correct you about calling it his first. He’s got no plans to get more, so this could very well be his only tattoo. But he doesn’t want to dampen the moment, so instead he says, “I don’t really have any ideas for it. I just want to do it with you.”

“Wait here.” You disappear into the bedroom and return with a folded piece of notebook paper. It’s worn and wrinkled, the edges curled in. He unfolds it carefully to find the page covered in your handwriting. Some of the writing looks more rushed than other parts. Some sections are in blue ink, some are in black. It’s clear you’ve been compiling this list for quite a while.

He reads it at his normal, rapid pace, but it takes him a few moments to understand it. “Is this a list of…?”

You nod. “Tattoo ideas.” He looks up at you in… well, in awe, and you shrug. “I don’t want to just get your name on me, as nice as it is.”

“How long have you been working on this?”

“Um.” The answer seems to embarrass you a little. “A… a couple of years.”

“Years?” he repeats. “But you never said anything.”

“I didn’t want you to feel pressured into getting a tattoo,” you say. “Since they are, you know, permanent.”

“Relatively.” He looks back to the paper, running his fingertips over the indents left by the pressure of the pen. “They naturally fade with age, and can age prematurely through sun exposure.”

“Yeah. Listen, it’s okay if you don’t like any of my ideas.”

Spencer shakes his head—he likes a lot of them, but he already knows which one he wants—he knew as soon as he read it. He points. “This one.”

You bend down to see it and smile. “I was hoping you’d pick that one.”

“It’s perfect,” he says, and presses a kiss to your cheek.

---

You handle pretty much everything, contacting one of your favorite artists and pitching the idea. You’ve been tattooed by her before—specifically, she did his favorite of your tattoos. So he’s happy to have her do this one, too, putting down the deposit without hesitation. The artwork she sends back is everything he pictured and more. She’s taken the idea and brought it to life better than he could ever hope to. A few tweaks here and there, then the date is set. You’ll be getting tattooed the Friday before your anniversary.

Yours will be done first, near the end of his work day—when he arrives, you should be just about done. It’s not exactly how he imagined it happening, but you said it would be better this way. If he sits and watches you get the entire thing done, you think he’ll end up psyching himself out about his own tattoo.

“Is it really that bad?” he had asked.

You shrug. “Well, it’s pain, so it’s obviously not super fun, but it’s tolerable. You overreacted when I stubbed my toe last week, so I think it’s probably best if you’re not there watching me the entire time.”

“I don’t like seeing you in pain,” he defends sheepishly.

“Exactly. I’ll keep you updated with texts and pictures, though, okay?”

He agrees, because honestly, you’re probably right.

Getting into bed with you the night before he asks, “What does it feel like? Besides it just hurting.”

“It’s different for everyone. It also depends on where you get it.” Spencer bumps your arm with his nose, silently requesting for you to adjust your position in a way that allows him to press as much of his body as he possibly can against yours. You place your hand in his hair once he’s settled, as usual, then continue. “It does kind of… vibrate. That’s something I didn’t expect going into my first tattoo.”

“Vibrate?” he repeats. “That’s… well, I guess it makes sense, considering how tattoo machines work.”

“Mm-hmm. But I wouldn’t worry about that part if I were you. Last time I checked, vibration isn’t a sensation that bothers you.” A very slight tug on his hair. “The opposite, actually.”

The squeak he makes is involuntary. “I, um… okay. I’ll—I’ll keep that in mind.”

He’s treated to a little laugh, but then your tone changes. “Seriously, though, Spencer. It’s okay if it ends up being too much, or just not for you, and you can’t finish the tattoo. Or if you just don’t want to finish it. I won’t be mad.”

He’s taken by surprise at first. It is a worry that he’s been harboring, that all the sensory input will be too much, but he’s never said anything about it, so how did you know?

Then again, it’s you. Of course you know. You always do.

“Okay,” he whispers. “Thank you.”

---

“Hey, how can I help you?”

Spencer looks up from his phone to the woman who’s just come into the front of the shop from the back. As promised, you’d kept him updated on your tattoo process with texts and pictures.

“Um, I—I have an appointment?” He doesn’t mean for it to come out as a question, but he’s really nervous—you were definitely right to have him come in later than you so he doesn’t have enough time to get really worked up.

“Who’s it with?”

“Megan.”

She glances over her shoulder. “Megan is currently with someone. I can go ask her how long the wait will be.”

“No, it’s okay, she’s working on my partner. We’re—we’re getting tattoos together,” he explains.

“Oh, fun! I’ll lead you back, then.”

He follows her to an open doorway. Your body is still and unmoving; Megan is hunched over your skin. You smile when you see him. “Hi, Spencer.”

“Hey. Um, how’s it going?”

You sigh. “Well, to be honest, I think this is going to be my last tattoo.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Megan says without looking up.

The little angry huff you make before replying with “I know” makes him smile, and his nerves settle a little. “Why do I do this to myself?”

Spencer can tell it’s just a rhetorical question, asked in good humor, but he can’t stop himself from answering it regardless.

“There are many different reasons that could drive someone to get a tattoo despite the pain, including the adrenaline and endorphins the body produces in response to pain, stress relief, and the need for creative expression.”

“Stress relief?” you repeat. “I haven’t heard that one before.”

“It is a strange concept at face value. An example, though, would be getting a tattoo to mark the end of a difficult period in your life. Some people get them to symbolize personal difficulties or trauma, or to memorialize people they’ve lost. It can be a form of catharsis that helps them process painful emotions, memories, or other stressful feelings.”

Your head tilts as you take the information in. “That’s interesting.”

“Alright.” Megan leans back. “It’s done. Go take a look.”

Spencer follows you to the full length mirror. “Oh, wow,” you breathe out as soon as you see it. “It’s amazing. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“Spencer.” You touch his arm. “What do you think?”

It takes him a few moments to answer because he’s been overcome with emotion. He’s overwhelmed with just how much you love and care for him to have permanently embedded a reminder of him into your skin. “It’s perfect,” he whispers.

“It is,” you agree.

You return to Megan and she takes a few photos of the tattoo, promising to text them to you, then gets started on the aftercare. “You know the drill,” she says, but still gives you the instructions for what to do as the artwork heals. He only barely registers what she’s saying—his eyes are glued to the tattoo.

“Okay, let me get everything switched out and cleaned up, and then we can start on yours, Spencer.”

“Hmm?” He tears his gaze away to find Megan looking at him. “Oh, right. Okay.” He sits off to the side with you while she disposes of supplies, replaces them with new, sterile ones, and wipes everything down.

She works fast—before he knows it, Megan has shaved and cleaned his skin, and has him in front of the mirror as she places the stencil. It takes a few tries to get it just right. He apologizes when she has to print the stencil again, but she waves him off. “It’s your tattoo and it’s going to be on you forever. I want you to be one-hundred percent happy with the placement.”

His nerves spike back up when he’s settled down and all ready to be tattooed. You sit in a chair on the opposite side of him than Megan, and when you offer your hand, he grabs it immediately.

“Breathe, baby,” you say gently. “Try not to tense up too much.”

He does try, but still jumps a little when Megan’s gloved hand touches him. “Sorry,” he says breathlessly. “I’m a little nervous.”

“Oh, no, you’re fine,” she reassures. “I won’t start until you’re ready.”  

“I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Okay. I’ll start with just one small line.”

It’s a strange sensation, unlike anything he’s felt before, but it’s… not horrible. He’s been scratched by cats in the past, and it feels kind of like that, but hot. There’s the vibrating you had mentioned, too.

“How was that?” Megan asks.

“Not so bad,” he answers honestly.

“That’s great. I’ll keep going then. Settle in. Just let me know if you start feeling funny or if you need a break, alright?” At his nod, she goes to work, and he switches his attention to you. He knows he shouldn’t, that it’ll probably come back to bite him in the ass, but he can’t stop himself from teasing you.

“I don’t know why you were complaining earlier,” he says in his best innocent voice, with his best innocent expression. “It’s not that bad.”

The way your mouth drops open just a little bit is adorable, and so is the noise of disbelief that follows. “Yeah, okay. Tell me that again at the end.”

“I will,” he replies, mentally adding probably not to the sentence.

You roll your eyes and let go of his hand to sort through your things. You give him a lollipop when you find it.

“What’s this for?” Suckers aren’t really his favorite candy.

“Your adrenaline is probably going to drop now that the tattoo has started and I don’t want you to pass out,” you say. “The sugar will help prevent you from getting lightheaded.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

The tattoo goes well overall, he thinks. It’s definitely painful, but like you said, it’s tolerable. He’s certainly felt worse. Near the end, though, he really starts hurting, and a grimace slips across his face.

“She’s almost done,” you reassure. He hasn’t been looking at it, but you have. “Also, what was that you saying earlier?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles. “It’s not even the needle, you know. It’s the paper towels.”

“A lot of people say that,” Megan says. “Just a few more minutes left.”

He spends those last few minutes questioning every decision he’s made in his life that has led him to this moment, and swearing to himself that he’s never going to do this again. But then it’s over and he’s looking at in the mirror, and it’s suddenly like the past five minutes never happened.

Spencer loves it. He absolutely adores it. Not just the art itself, but how it looks on his body and how it’s making him feel.

“Penny for your thoughts?” you ask, making him jump a little. He’d been so fixated on the tattoo that he didn’t notice you joining him.

He ponders for a moment to find the right words. “I’m beginning to understand why you like doing this so much.”

You grin. “It’s great, huh?”

“It is, yeah. I kind of want to touch it; is that weird?”

“No, but don’t,” you reply. “It’s an open wound.”

“I know.” He looks back at Megan. “This is perfect. Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it,” she says. “Thank you for trusting me with your first tattoo.”

When he drags himself away from the mirror, she goes over aftercare with him, and he listens more intently this time. A few things are going to be a little inconvenient, he thinks, but it’s more than worth the trade off.

You take his hand as you leave the shop. “I’m so happy that I got to do that with you.”

He squeezes your hand back. “Me too.”

You reach the car, but before he can move towards the passenger side, you pull him in close. “I love you.”

His free hand comes up to cradle your cheek. “I love you, too.”

You kiss him, soft and sweet. “Happy three years,” you say when you pull back.

“Here’s to three more?” he offers, a little nervous, but mostly hopeful.

Your smile leaves no room for doubt. “I like the sound of that.”

---------------

hit up my inbox if you wanna talk tattoos bc i fucking love them. what do you see spencer getting with his partner?

general taglist: @calm-and-doctor​ , @spencerreid9​

[bubmyg]

there was no particular reason i wrote all this down other than reading the translations to my universe made me cry last week because i’m just Like this. this is a mini compilation of yoongi lyrics that i hold gently in my palm and close to my heart in a he’s my artist for life kind of way. these aren’t all my favorite yoongi lyrics, i certainly have more but not ones that fit this general vibe. 

this is like extremely disorganized, i kind of just wrote it like a journal (and i’ll probably copy it to my bullet journal at some point actually). interpretations are my own, music is cool in that we can all read and hear the same thing and get different things out of it (which is why yoongi has often said he doesn’t attach specific meaning to things, giving it up to the listener instead)

so yeah. here’s me being fond of yoongi in 4k for no reason other than. idk. i wanted to. all translations are from doyoubangtan and doolsetbangtan. 

song request - lee sora ft suga

“I’ll be with you, for your birth and your end; That you’d remember that I’m with you, wherever you are; I’ll be a comfort for your life at any time, and so; please, that you’d lean on me and take a rest, every once in awhile.”

to me, this perfectly encapsulates what creating music is for yoongi in a two-fold kind of way. not only does he want his music to be a source of comfort for those who listen to it (just as the art of music is for himself), he’s also consistent in his assurance that taking a rest is okay. not being okay is okay. simply existing for the time being is okay. it’s a gentle empathy that comes from the experienced heart of someone who’s not going to tell you that it is okay, but will tell you that it won’t always be like this. friendly little moon trying to get you to smile with him on sleepless nights.

so far away - agust d ft suran

dream, will eventually be in full bloom at the end of hardships

this was on my undergrad graduation cap. it’s one of my favorite lyrics of all time. if so far away is my heart song, this is my heart lyric. this is a common motif in yoongi’s lyrics; dormancy is only temporary, you will bloom at the end of the cold winter.

dream, hope it to be there with you at your creation and at the end of your life

creation to end is another common motif n his lyrics. in this specific context, i imagine it to most closely be analogous to holding dreams close to you your entire life. dreams are dreams no matter how they manifest, even if they’re simply something you long for until your “end”.

Hope it to be there with you at your creation and at the end of your life; It will be generous to you wherever you stand; It will eventually be in full bloom at the end of hardships; The beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will the future be

the entirety of this song reads like a story and this last refrain reads like the conclusion (kind of). the slight wording change from the previous choruses means a lot in that regard, more definite and firm. you will be okay. maybe not now, maybe not next week. but you will be.

suga’s interlude - halsey ft suga

Though the dawn before sunrise is darkest; don’t forget the stars you longed for only rise in the darkness

just a really pretty but heart wrenching lyric in the context of the entire song. he’s also used this metaphor several times. i love me a good string of consistency with minor adaptations to fit the vibe. this song also made me cry the first time i read the translations lmao.

my universe - coldplay ft bts

Because the trial we face now is just for a moment anyway; All you have to do is to just keep shining bright like now; And we will follow you, embroidering this long night

this could mean so many things depending on how you wanted to contextualize it. of course the song is about love, so you could view it in that way. we’re in the midst of a global pandemic where we can’t see each other. or maybe it’s simply existence. continue to exist and one day your bright light will be followed even in the darkest of nights.

also the og title of telepathy being 잠시 (for a moment) is so...min yoongi you are so cool

people - agust d

Did someone say humans are the animals of wisdom?; The way I see it, humans are the animals of regret

Your ordinaries are my extraordinaries; Your extraordinaries are my ordinaries; Your ordinaries are my extraordinaries; Your extraordinaries are my ordinaries

super simple to understand which i think makes it more poignant. especially if you contextualize it with everything he’s said or written regarding the plight of fame and how he himself grapples with it as min yoongi.

28 - agust d ft niihwa

just this whole song. if song request encapsulates yoongi’s musical ethos, this captures a lot of his general musings.

paradise - bts

Just living like this, surviving like this, that’s my small dream; Dreaming dreams, grasping dreams, breathing breaths, it’s often too much

a more blunt take on the simply existing is a good enough dream. yoongi’s 2018 new years message was one of the things that made me go “yes. Him™” so paradise is very <3 for me

interlude: shadow - bts

Flying high scares me; I mean, nobody had told me; how lonely it is here –;how my leap could be my fall

another thing he uses frequently, even as recently as an interview regarding permission to dance. the contemplation of how a fall is far scarier than landing because getting back up is uncertain.

Yeah, I’m you and you’re me, do you finally get that now?; Yeah, you’re me and I’m you, do you finally get that now?

the entirety of this song is haunting particularly paired with the sampling and the music video as a visual but this part is just...the whole idea of competing internal voices throughout the narrative of the song or if you’d rather truly treat the lyrics like a piece of literature, you have quite the unreliable narrator, one that’s trying to grapple with his own sense of self.

140503 at dawn - agust d

Pretending that I’m not lonely, pretending that I’m not suffering; needlessly pretending that I’m okay, and pretending hard that I’m strong; I built a wall in front of me, “Don’t come inside”; I’m an island in this wide ocean, “Don’t abandon me”

the entirety of agust d just makes me ache but i mainly pulled this part because he uses the island metaphor consistently. here, it’s used like i said before; achingly.

this song also gets overlooked a lot in the larger context of agust d but anyway

eight - IU ft suga

Island, yeah this is an island; a small island that we made for each other; Yeah, mm, forever young, the word ‘forever’ is a sandcastle; A farewell is just like an emergency text warning of a disaster; A morning met together with yearning; As each of us pass this eternity, we’re sure to meet again on this island

can i be honest and say i forgot this song came out at the beginning of the pandemic. anyway, if you haven’t heard the various times that jieun has spoke about this song and it’s conveyance, i encourage you to. the music video also gives a beautiful visual.

i wrote a small analysis of this when it came out so i’ll just put it here 

burn it - agust d ft max

I hope you don’t forget that giving up decisively also counts as courage

of course this can absolutely be taken at a literal meaning especially considering he said a similar iteration of this to someone on kkul fm BUT i also like looking at it in context of the entire song because maybe this is him trying to convince himself too, especially considering the wording of the last chorus doesn’t change it so it implies in order to get past the fire u need to let it burn first? burn it = giving up on some aspect of pain?

i see why max didn’t shut up for eight months about making this song i wouldn’t either hello

outro: tear - bts

im including this one firstly because i love the song but secondly to say i knew the second u all were surprised by yoongi saying he wrote this as essentially a break up song for bts and they all cried while listening to it that y’all don’t actually read or interact w their lyrics fjdklafjsd

just bc it’s a rap song doesn’t mean it’s a diss or a flex. weirdos.

intro: never mind - bts

I hope you forget about all your mistakes and such; Never mind; It’s not easy, but engrave this in your heart; If you think you’re going to crash, accelerate more, you idiot; Never mind, never mind; Whatever thorny path it may be, go run; Never mind, never mind; There are a lot of things that you can’t control

the entire composition of nevermind is similar to first love and shadow to me where you can just hear the emotion in his voice while performing it

this is also another general idea that he mentions a few different times through different songs which as we’ve seen i am <3 for

intro: the most beautiful moment in life - bts

once again i don’t have a specific lyric to pull i just love this song so much and i feel like it isn’t talked about enough because first of all the use of the basketball throughout the instrumental, the incorporation of the origin of his stage name into an entire song regarding his general existence as a performer and coming into the beginnings of sizeable fame, and just his general way of essentially writing one giant ode to something he loves and analogizing it to something else he loves to talk through internal struggles.

aka im once again saying min yoongi you’re so cool

first love - bts

same line of awe from above this whole song is just a story, a poem, a journal entry, a beautiful confession, i don’t know. this is yoongi’s best bts solo u can argue with a wall about it also if you were able to see this live i hope u have a terrible week (im joking)

every fancam i’ve ever seen of this makes me cry. so. do with that what you will in regards to how i feel about this song.

[ckneal]

Sometimes I need to remind myself that not everyone watched Supernatural with an ongoing gen fic happening in their head, all about the family life of the angels before Chuck’s disappearance and the rise of humanity. And as such, not everyone was constantly compiling stray details thrown out about the angel characters, clustering them together into this rubber band ball of ideas that was just so fun to play with.

I mean, for instance, not everyone took in the way the other angel characters seemed to look down their noses at the cupid characters (who, it’s worth noting, are never once referred to by their individual names, but instead by the human pet name for their category of cherub [which in Lucifer’s case, was certainly framed as an unflattering term], despite Castiel once boasting that he knew everyone in Heaven), and reason to themselves that it was surely because the other angels were jealous. Because obviously, the cupids are given classified information from God himself about what bloodlines he wants to see continued and merged for the sake of his Plan, putting these silly, non-combatant angels on par with the archangels in terms of secret knowledge about what was to come. For the first couple billions of years of existence, while the other classes of angels were sitting around with nothing to do, they all had to watch the cupids happily zipping around the earth, cooing over blue-green algae and gradually coaxing different species into existence with their magic love arrows. And every time a significant milestone was reached, they also had to watch as the insipid little harbingers of love scooped the newborn creature up and raced over to the nearest archangel to excitedly show them their progress, like a little kid with their first art project. And the archangel in question, regardless of which one, would nod encouragingly and smile as the cupid in question babbled about the tiny, tiny lungs this fish had, or the beginnings of feet at the ends of its fins. Even Lucifer, who would also add the additional suggestion to try and give the next one more teeth.

Additionally, not everyone looked at the way that Lucifer was able to just insert himself into Sam’s head from inside the cage, and considered how Azazel needed to visit a specific geographic location to communicate with Lucifer, and even then was only just barely able to do so, and thus came to the conclusion that clearly Michael and Lucifer must have come to an agreement to pool their powers to project Luci’s image into Sam’s head. Which explains why Sam’s special link disappears right after leaving the cage, and also why Michael didn’t interfere when Lucifer was freed, even though season 15 makes it clear that Luci did not sneak quietly out the backdoor. Michael was fully aware who was responsible for the jailbreak, thus leading us to consider that perhaps Lucifer was supposed to turn around and free Michael and Adam in turn, but did not. Thus leading us to imagine Michael spending roughly a year (Earth time) tapping his foot in the cage, until . . .

“He’s not coming back for us, is he?”

And Adam, cracking open a molecule-flavored soda (manifested courtesy of Michael), snickers. “Nope. Told you not to trust him.”

“Right. . .” Michael exhales, looks around for a moment, settles on side-eyeing Adam. Then, with an air of ‘fuck it’ says, “Want to make out?”

And Adam promptly chokes on his soda.

And not everyone heard Metatron specifically say that he personally tattooed the names of every prophet of the Lord ever on the inner eyelids of every angel, and immediately had the thought, “Poor Michael” spring to mind. Because of course Michael was the first one on the proverbial chopping block, trying his best not to flinch as his little brother gradually figured out how to handle the needle. (To this day, Michael is still not sure if the prophet after Chuck Shurley is named Kevin Tran or Rovim Frun). And all the while, Michael was probably also trying his best not to worry about how things were going on Earth while he was busy getting his eyes stabbed.

After all, Lucifer was God’s second eldest son, barely younger than Michael in the grand scheme of things. He could handle watching over their younger siblings for a little while. And Raphael and Gabriel were there to help. Everything would be fine.

However, Michael isn’t aware that about five minutes after being left in charge, Lucifer yelled, “HEY EVERYONE, CHECK THIS OUT!” And then promptly threw his grace into the body of a nearby pterodactyl. Possession being a new ability that Chuck had recently invented, the surrounding angels were mystified as Lucifer piloted the prehistoric reptile through a series of dizzying loop-de-loops that saw the poor creature—not suited to containing angel grace—explode midway through, leaving Lucifer gleefully giggling in the sky.

About half of the angels looking on gaped in horror.

Gabriel whispered to Raphael, “We’re still beta testing that, right?”

The other half of the gathered angels, however, like the impressionable young followers that they are, start grinning, because Lucifer is grinning, and he’s their cool older brother, and as Lucifer—relishing the attention—makes a beeline toward the earth’s one continent, Pangea, and an unsuspecting herd of ornithopods, these younger angels eagerly follow.

Soon, Earth is full of the anguished cries of cupids, watching their hard work blown to bits again and again. Swept up in the crowd, are Castiel and Balthazar. They watch Uriel and Zachariah excitedly throw their armored dinosaur bodies against one another in the moments before both vessels combust, after which Uriel and Zachariah excitedly dart off to take on new ones.

“Are we sure this is. . .okay?”

“Well, Lucifer is in charge. We’re supposed to follow his lead. . .aren’t we?”

Meanwhile, Raphael is frantically trying to stem the carnage. Several dinosaurs are levitating in mid-air, as Raphael tries to simultaneously keep them from exploding while also ordering the angels possessing them to vacate the vessels immediately. But none of them have ever taken a vessel before, and do not know how to get out of them without tearing them apart. Raphael keeps expanding their powers to more and more creatures as their young siblings continue to follow Lucifer’s example.

“GABRIEL, DO SOMETHING!”

“RIGHT!” Gabriel looks around, locates Lucifer running amuck in an apatosaurus that he’s forcing to walk on its hind legs, and fires off a lightning bolt to startle him out.

The lightning bolt misses its target in spectacular fashion, and several trees catch on fire.

Gabriel throws another lightning bolt.

“GABRIEL, THAT IS NOT HELPING!”

“RIGHT!”

Gabriel then grabs a giant meteor from outer space and begins trying to smother the flames by whacking it against the continent, to Raphael’s horror. More cupids begin to cry. Thick clouds of dust fly up, choking out natural light on the planet’s surface—now only illuminated by flames, as well as the magma that rises up out of the cracks that form in Pangea, as Gabe unintentionally creates the first tectonic plates from the sheer force of his assault on the planet.

Trees fall over. Fire continues to spread.

Lucifer is still in the apatosaurus, but he’s fallen onto his side, laughing hysterically.

“WATER, GABRIEL! USE WATER!”

“OH! RIGHT!”

Gabriel throws the meteor into a nearby sea, creating a tsunami.

It is at this point that Raphael abandons the dinosaurs to their sad fate, forgetting their solemn oath to not reveal any secrets regarding evolution and God’s plan, to broadly yell out to any and all of their angelic siblings who are listening, “QUICKLY, SAVE THE MAMMALS!”

And it is at this point, that Michael returns. Samandriel, clutching a dozen or so rodents in his wings, is the first one to spot him. All of Michael’s eyes are red and puffy from abuse. The cupids are sobbing, the Earth is battered, flooded, and scorched. Angels are getting into fist fights with reapers as they dart back and forth, trying to ferry as many warm-blooded creatures as they can find from the site of the catastrophe to the relative safety on the other side of the mountain range Gabriel accidently made when he bashed a crater into the planet—relative, as it turns out some of those new mountains are in fact volcanoes, and it took some trial and error to figure out how far away from an active volcano could be considered “safe.”

Nearby, Castiel and Balthazar are somehow both stuck inside the same mosasaur, beached from the tsunami, and loudly panicking as they struggle to de-possess it before it explodes. There’s a snapping sound, and then suddenly all of the angels still trapped (or willfully frolicking) inside vessels are ejected, at the same time that the fire goes out and the volcanoes cease erupting.

Consequently, everyone goes very still as Michael scans the damage and his bedraggled siblings. With humans not yet existing, the art of facepalming is not yet a thing. But looking at Michael, one might just expect him to invent the practice right then and there.

When Michael gets to Lucifer, he’s greeted with, “What? Pop’s 86-ing the lizard kingdom anyway!”

Michael promptly drags Lucifer off to Heaven.               

The next day, it was made an official rule, written into the very fabric of angelkind: vessels could only be taken after obtaining explicit consent.

Additionally, everyone agreed to never, ever mention the existence of the dinosaurs or how they ended ever again. And, rather than fixing the damage to the Earth’s surface, the tectonic plate situation was just sort of left to do as it would.

Many, many years later, Adam was shocked by Michael’s reaction when the cage door suddenly swung open in Hell. Adam had immediately surged to his feet in excitement, ready to leave and never come back.

Michael, however, remained stationary on the floor, squinting at the doorway, wondering what dystopian nightmare must be waiting on Earth after leaving his siblings unsupervised for a solid decade.

“Michael? You okay?”

“Adam, before we go back to Earth, I think I need to tell you a story. . .”

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

Some Reasons I Love One Piece

So I set up a poll to ask what I should do for my 4000 follower milestone, and something like 85% of the responses to my poll said you wanted me to do a compilation of stuff I love about One Piece! So hell yeah, get ready for me to talk about pirates for way too long (a sentence that could also serve as an accurate blog description).

Before that though, lemme just say- thank you all! Seriously! When I started this blog I figured I’d be extremely lucky to end up with like a thousand followers, and now I have four times that and it just keeps growing, which just constantly baffles and amazes me. I adore every one of you, and you’re providing me something fun and productive to do in quarantine, and I love you for that.

Anyways! Let’s talk good shit.

Let’s start with Luffy. The whole story starts with him, after all.

I love Luffy, just as a character. He’s one of my favorite protagonists in anything, ever, when ordinarily protagonist characters don’t really appeal to me all that much. I genuinely think he might be my favorite character in One Piece now that I sit down and really think about it. I love how unconventional of a main character he is- he actively shuns the idea of being a hero and is in fact the most chaotic neutral motherfucker on the planet, and yet he’s so friendly and loyal and fun that you straight up can’t not love him both in-universe and out. 

I also love the Strawhats just in general, both as a group and individually. Found family is one of my all-time favorite story tropes, and they do it better than like, the vast majority of stories out there. They’re all so completely unique from each other and play off each other so well and they really do feel like a family. I love how often Oda just shows them fucking around and hanging out. (One of my only gripes with post-timeskip is how much time they spend split apart.) I think it says a lot about them that I struggled so much when someone asked me to rank the Strawhats a few months back and had to rearrange the list like four times. I just!! Love them all!!

One of my favorite things about One Piece is that it’s the story of Luffy’s rise, and that it occurs in a world that’s so solidly scaled and well-developed that all progress he makes actually feels tangible and impactful. Some of my favorite moments in One Piece are the ones where we can see how far he and the crew have come and see other people’s reactions. His reappearance at Sabaody after the timeskip is my favorite scene in the manga, full stop. His entrance at Marineford and all of the Decks of the World cover stories delight me for the same reason.

Speaking of the worldbuilding, god it’s so good? I think one of the greatest potential strengths of a long manga is that its just got so much time to establish and build on so much information, and sometimes that leads to mangaka kind of tying themselves in knots with too much lore and explanation, but Oda just fucking nails it. 

I recently read a conversation during Zou where the Strawhats are talking to Inuarashi, Nekomamushi and the Wano folks about all their mutual acquaintances on the Roger Pirates- Brook asks about Crocus, Franky mentions Tom, etc- and I had a moment where I realized how in pretty much any other series all those connections might seem contrived, but in One Piece it works so well. So much time has been dedicated to establishing all these facts and characters and connections over years and hundreds of chapters that when they do come together, it just feels so satisfying. 

Like, at Twin Cape Crocus mentions he was a ship’s doctor and then mentions Roger as the Strawhats leave, at Thriller Bark we find out he’s Brook’s friend, at Sabaody in conversation with Rayleigh we find out for sure which ship he was a doctor on and that he joined them to look for Brook’s crew- and it all just falls together so nicely. One Piece is maybe the strongest series I’ve ever read in terms of how it establishes its characters and concepts and how they all fit into the world and cross over and connect with each other. The world of One Piece is huge, but it also feels so alive and interconnected, and that’s just wonderful. 

I love how hopeful One Piece is. I was talking to a friend a couple months ago who doesn’t watch it, and she kind of dismissed it as ‘a show where nobody dies.’ Which- setting aside the fact that that’s just not fucking true- my first response to that was, “So?” I think it’s nice that we can all know for pretty much certain that the Strawhats will achieve their dreams in the end. There’ll be a happy ending, and Luffy’s going to be Pirate King, we’ve known that from the start. The fun is in seeing how they get there. 

Aside from a few specific cases, I also really like how Oda does his character writing just in general. The female characters in One Piece generally get a bad rap, largely from people who haven’t watched the show and judge it on the (admittedly exaggerated) artstyle, but fuck if I haven’t seen such a widely varied and developed and flawed female cast writing-wise since- I don’t even know. Oda does a really good job of giving his characters, both male and female, unique and memorable personalities, which is super fucking impressive considering just how many there are. Similarly, I’m impressed by how new characters are introduced without getting repetitive or annoying, and very often those characters are really fantastic. I could talk about all the different One Piece characters I love and why, but we would legitimately be here all day. 

I also love how unlike a lot of long-running series like this, characters don’t just go away when their time in the spotlight is done. In just about any other series, characters like Buggy and Coby and Crocodile would just be gone and never to be heard from again after they’ve served their purpose. Instead you have the stupid clown villain from the second arc becoming a fucking shichibukai several hundred chapters later, and it makes sense in the context of the story! The whole concept of the cover stories works really well towards this aspect of One Piece, letting us see what all these other characters are up to without taking attention off the main story. This fits in with the interconnectedness I mentioned earlier, too. 

And I like how (and I know there are people who will argue this, I have had them in my inbox, but I do not care) One Piece has stayed so strong for so long. I’ve mentioned before that both of my favorite big arcs are pre-timeskip- Alabasta, for the civil war storyline and great supporting cast and villains, and W7/Enies Lobby, for the epic emotional highs and lowers + ANOTHER great supporting cast. But like, I’ve been enjoying the more recent arcs just as much! Honestly, now that I’ve finished Dressrosa, I think it definitely ranks up there among my favorites as well, for how chaotic and fun and high-stakes the whole thing felt when I was binging through it. I’m only a few chapters into Whole Cake Island so far but it seems very promising, and I’m really excited to get to Wano from what I’ve seen of it.

I haven’t even really touched on the art yet, either. I know the artstyle turns some people off of the series, for how kind of cartoony it is sometimes and how different it is from most other series, but honestly I just love it. I wasn’t sure about it at the start but it grew on me very fast. Hell, I have a whole tag (which I should use more) dedicated just to appreciation of pretty panels.

And the action scenes in One Piece are so fun and expressive and creative and almost always at least a little silly just by the nature of Luffy’s powers. I don’t think I’ve ever been bored during a One Piece fight. And the splash pages are frequently just breathtaking. I’m a writing person, not an art person, so I’m bad at putting this kind of thing into words nearly as well, but- yeah. One Piece Art Good. (My friend Narramin also has a really, really good series of posts about how great the visual storytelling in OP is starting here that I highly recommend, if you’re interested.)

Finally, I think my favorite thing about One Piece is that it’s all one story, start to end. I kind of touched on this above with the worldbuilding thing, but you can see what a ridiculous degree of thought and planning Oda has put into his story, and how well everything comes together. It’s the main aspect that got me to give One Piece a try in the first place- I heard how good and thought-out the long term storytelling is, and I just eat that shit up. I don’t think I’ve ever had the level of trust in a creator to handle and end their story satisfyingly that I have in Oda. It’s a good feeling. 

[educatedinyellow]

Stuff I Made, 2020 masterlist

Thank you, everyone who shared this meme! If anyone reading this would like to compile your own list, please consider yourself tagged!

Total number of completed works: 10 vids, 2 fics, and 3 other things I will file under "miscellany" :)

Total word count: 14,610 words published, plus about 4,000 or so words of unpublished Discworld WIP

Fandoms created for: I created for 12 fandoms this year! Man From UNCLE (TV), Mission Impossible (films), Moonlighting, BBC Sherlock, A Study in Emerald, Supernatural, Bright Star, Discworld, Granada Holmes, ACD Holmes, The Seven-Per-Cent Solution, and Whitehead Holmes

Looking back, did you create more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? About what I expected, maybe a little more. When it comes to fic, I usually clock in around 10-12K per year. And with vids, 10 or so seems pretty normal to me. Last year I made 11, so the rate was almost the same this year.

What’s your own favorite creation of the year? Hard to say, but I'm pleased with how The Talking Cure turned out. I think the part of the story set in France, from Holmes's point of view, is quietly romantic in a way that makes me happy. He and Watson share some tender and hopeful moments. And I did something unusual with Moriarty, which I think took the seeds planted in the original book and developed them into a characterization that was perhaps more genuine and human. Among my vids, Destiel has been a ship close to my heart this year and I think Islands was a lovely fit for them; I like how that vid turned out.

Did you take any creative risks this year? I made my first constructed reality vid by combining two non-Holmesian movie sources to create a new story set in Neil Gaiman's A Study in Emerald universe. I am pretty sure I pioneered a rarepair ship -- I don't think anyone else has shipped Eugenia/Elsie -- which also happened to be my first written F/F pairing. I wrote about Moriarty, a character I normally avoid. I podficc'd for only the second time, and learned (and re-learned) bits and pieces about sound editing along the way. I watched some art tutorials, got a few more art supplies, and saw improvement in my sketching. I created for a lot of fandoms I'd never contributed to before, some of them very dear to me (like Man From UNCLE and Moonlighting). I hosted the Write Every Day group for a month and used that time to get the ball rolling on my first attempt at writing Discworld and Vimes/Vetinari. I got a Spotify account for the first time (lol, I know!) and found some good music for future vids.

Do you have any goals for the new year? I'd like to write a sequel to my Eugenia/Elsie story and continue writing my Vimes/Vetinari fic. Probably most of my creative time will continue to go to vidding, and I never know what to expect next on that front! But I can say my first vid of the new year will probably be Peter Wimsey/Harriet Vane (I'm already working on that one).

Most popular creation of the year? My Illya-centric Man From UNCLE vid Skeleton Key somehow got 2.1K views on YouTube, which is about twenty times more views than my vids normally get. I honestly have no idea how this happened, but I think it must have gotten picked up by some algorithm and recommended on people's feeds or something. But anyway, it's a *great delight* to me to know the MFU fandom is still so active and that Illya continues getting the love he deserves 50+ years after the show went off the air :) My other surprisingly popular creation was the series of early Holmesian art posts I put together on tumblr, where I picspammed selections of the work of Holmesian illustrators both well-known and obscure (drawn from the Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia archives online) and added a little personal commentary. I was so pleased that so many people enjoyed rifling through those drawings as much as I did! :)

Creation of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: My least popular vid this year was Knots, and I completely understand why. I wholly support those who don't want to engage with a historical romance that ended in sickness and death; 2020 is not the year for that for many people. But for myself, it's one of my favorite creations of this year. I think the song is lovely and so well-suited to the story, and the film is unfailingly beautiful and compelling -- it was a great pleasure to vid.

Most fun thing to make: The most fun was Moonlighting: Give You Fever! It's the vid of mine that I’ve re-watched the most often this year, it's so upbeat! :)

Most unintentionally telling thing: I can't think of anything for this, so I guess my tells probably remain not just unintentional but unconscious??

Biggest disappointment: Nope. I choose to be happy with what I made, which was a lot of good things :)

Biggest surprise: Ummmm…honestly most of what I wind up making in any given year comes as a surprise to me. But I will say my most spontaneous project was the Jelly Good Show podfic, which was a joy from start to finish!

My vids:

The Man From UNCLE: Skeleton Key (Illya-centric, slashy, black & white S1)

Mission Impossible: Comedy! Drama! Sliding!! (amazing practical stunts, bonkers humor)

Moonlighting: Bad Day (all my bittersweet feelings about this show wrapped up together)

Moonlighting: Give You Fever! (all my happy feelings about this show wrapped up together!)

BBC Johnlock: Person of Interest (there's always a crime scene IN THEIR HEARTS ok?)

A Study in Emerald: Radioactive (Monsters! Saving the world! Flirting!)

SPN Destiel: Islands (they think protecting each other means letting each other go)

Bright Star: Knots (love and death, but the love is more important)

Discworld: Go(ing Postal) Places (Delivering The Mail! Public Service! Silly Hats!)

Granada: beyond your peripheral vision (Irene Adler has brought enough Respect Women Juice for everyone)

My fics:

To Cast Light on Each (ACD, Holmes/Watson, Eugenia/Elsie, rated T, 4.5K) Holmes and Watson, searching for a way to help Mrs. Ronder, unveil unexpected possibilities. A fix-it fic for "The Veiled Lodger" and a follow-up to "The Dancing Men."

The Talking Cure (7PER, Holmes/Watson, Watson & Moriarty, rated T, 10K) A little honest conversation goes a long way.

My miscellany:

Tumblr series on Holmesian Art History (personal commentary)

Podfic of "A Jelly Good Show" by Sanguinity

Pencil sketch of Vetinari

[blackmuzak8484]

nortey dowuona’s best of 2020

to be completely honest, I decided to do this entirely for TSJ. otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered at all. Best end lists are for music nerds and billboard chart nerds and industry vultures, and i happen to be subscribed, in the discord and in the comments of the youtube vids of these folk. so, i decided to pick 10 out of random from the big best of 2020 i was compiling for the whole of the year, which I was gonna post to this Tumblr at the end of the damn year, but I guess I can just post the link to the playlist in the bottom of this post. Here, i’m gonna write about 10 songs I personally love, and pick out a few artists i specifically loved:

artist of the year.

RAP Ferreira put out his best album and best verses in a year everybody either stagnated, fell off or got rendered irrelevant by the world at large. He was ebullient, hilarious, thoughtful and even surprisingly honest. I enjoyed the fact that now he’s begun to create a real platform for many talented folx, and I hope he continues to do that in the margins and make even more beautiful music in the years to come.

rookie of the year.

Enny by a mile. Everybody else who debuted this year got hamstrung by the pandemic but she created 3 great songs, each thoughtful, insightful and a joy. Apparently she just started publicly releasing music to a large audience, and I hope she gets better and better, and even gets bigger than J-

most pleasant surprise.

Vic Mensa’s V Tape. An artist who I though had no more moves left completely turned around his whole career with a fantastic performance at Lollapalooza, a fantastic fleet of features and tis gorgeously produced EP which had some of his most brilliant songs on it. I love it all, Vic Mensah is well and truly back. Welcome back bro. (ALSO, DROP THE DRILL TRACK.)

GREAT THING A GHANAIAN ARTIST DID.

Strongman Burner, Amarae, Okunta Kinte, Vic Mensah in general.

cool things my friends and classmates did.

Justine Darcenne’s #4TheBaeless. Valencia Rae’s Siren thyhomebodies’s Coming of Age. (Phil, a producer in the group, made his own studio!) Brad built his own computer. petit abri put a track on APT9 Record’s compiliation album Volume II. khaalid anderson’s transitions. (khaalid will also be performing at Beats & Brunch on January 23, 2021 at 11 am.) Yannick Paul’s Bear Fruit. The Big Climax’s This Is Ya Boy kxng jetson’s Waves (ft. Kokko Williams & Mike Mezzl) Nicole Gonzalez performed in The Composer’s Melody. Victoria Marie released a bunch of beaufiful covers on her Insta, @toriiii_marie @ph0ssy_jaw works as a counselor online. Pay her at her PayPal. Johnny Aperano Yoba was on People AND Vogue. Dalitso is a wonderful pianist at his church back home in Zambia. Kobina is a fantastic drummer at his church. Kayla graduated with a BS in Music Technology and Industry! Damian been cookin on his insta. Travis graduated! (Look out for Clan of Dragons.) Rorghino Flores made a documentary! Francis (and Animax FYB) put out Mmofra on AmaLexPrime! (play it with yo kids.) A Hype has been dropping crazy all year, roll by his SoundCloud and check out Persistence Of Memory. Reina H been doing great covers on her Insta, @challenges_inlife. Hannah placed music on C. B. S.

best albums of the year (that nobody’s written about).

Maya Huyana -1991 DaWeirdo - Broke and Ugly $ilkMoney - Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 VI Seconds - Because Why Not/Never Knows Best Erik Cain - Heart & Soul Vol. 2 Dimitri & the Scarecrow - Messenger is Sender (from 2015, finally got released onto streaming this year, still pretty great and another great Zimbabwean rapper for us to all fawn over, just like billy woods) Flowking Stone - Gifted 1 The Hoodies - Incommunicado Jayy Grams - Every Gram Counts Domo Genesis/Mike and Keys - Just in Case1/2 Madwiz - God’s Gold Teeth Maez301 - Hasaan Daara J Family - Yaamatele Dai Burger - Dessert EP TeePhlow - Road To Phlowducation II Tef Poe/Blvck Spade - Preacher in the Trap Terrell Hines - Portal One: The Mixtape redveil - niagara Nyukyung - Trap Harmonix AdrianXpression - Sucka Deante Hitchcock - Better (Deluxe) maassai & jWords - ve.loc.i.ty tobe nwigwe - cincoriginals everything Kelsey Lu did this year.

strangest things happening in music in general.

vic mensah actually making a great record. goldlink going through a narcissistic collapse and winding up making the best music of his career. redveil blowing up off Fantano calling him wack. pharoahe monch finally making a rock pivot and it actually works. meet me@the garden coming 10 years too late for my 14 year old self. RAP Ferreira being in the NYTimes, selling a vinyl record for $72, creating an actual nostrum grocers in a video game so we can listen to his next record. The entirety of the playboi carti phenomenom. The entirety of the lil uzi vert phenomenom. The entirety of Chance’s instagram EP being far more money worthy then the entirety of the Big Day and yet being released on Insta and not immediately monetized. Deante Hitchcock releasing a great album and being completely forgotten armand hammer releasing their underground kings wayyy too early. my ass continually not actually looking into amapiano despite always loving it when I review it. several good songs needing to be tacked on to a prior youtube vid as an ad for me to find them instead of actually listening to the artists. santan dave still releasing good verses after he made his illmatic. (expect his new album to suck.) slowthai becoming cake. (we let that go way too far.) Guapdad and BfB Packman being wonderful. Finding out BfB PAckman is a better rapper than Sada Baby. John Boyega putting on Ego Ella May. Having to admit Young Dolph was good all this time and i missed out like a fool.

best tv performance.

Chance The Rapper’s “A Chi-Town Christmas.” IDK’s “Change The Channel.” Sa-Roc’s Tiny Desk Concert. Chika in general. Robert Glapser’s “This Changes Everything (ft. Denzel Curry).” SZA at the Roots Picnic. Sampa The Great at the Roots Picnic. RAP Ferreira in general. Umi’s “Introspection Live Show.” Alexa Esperanza’s cover of “Is It A Crime.” Bad Bunny in general. the jwords, nappy nina and MIKE performances at Satellite Syndicate

most embarrassing piece of music i love with all my heart

Logic’s No Pressure. In all sense of the words I should not love this album like I love my siblings but I do. It is beautiful.

best 10 songs of this year objectively

1 - RAP Ferriera - An Idea Is A Work Of Art (ft. Mike Ladd) [prod. by Kenny Segal, mr. carmack and Mike Parvizi]

I know, I know. In all honesty Doldrums should be here. Then Noz put it on his best list and I had to be all ChiTown Go-Getter and pick the next better thing: this. And in all honesty, it has the best lyric RAP spits on the album: “we build better answers.” But it’s not just that, it’s RAP’s most animated performance, the most dexterous piece on the whole album and the most gorgeous beat, a loping bassline sliding behind the flatfooted drum, allowing Mike Ladd, his musical father, to gently drift through, saying, “what if royalty depised us?” and knowing the only gold is soul and giving it to all of us, all us maggots and vultures and locusts and weevils, to hold to the light so we can finally see. On the quest to get open and free, we continue.

2 - Chika - U Should [prod. by Lido]

I heard this the night it dropped and shot 2 insta videos playacting as it played. But apart from that, it’s a intimate, beautiful song about getting to know a new lady love, so tenderly sung it might melt and disappear if not held gently, with a sweeping guitar lick and purring trumpets sliding all over the place, Chika softly holding each frayed piece together into a considered, gorgeous piece - wait, she’s talking her shit.

3 - Issa Gold - Boys Don’t Cry [prod. by Kingjet & Sherwyn and Matt Zara]

The only reason this isn’t number one is because it dropped on Christmas Eve. But otherwise, it’s a openheart letter to us all. “it’s a lonely path being different,” Issa says, swimming in the melted ice caps as he once danced happily on the edges of melting glaciers that failed to drown him, looking at the world that keeps hurting his heart, yet he still opens his eyes and smiles, and dances. The heavy drums are so bouncy the whole song suddenly flies, formerly a hidden murmur becoming a bright sunlit flight across the sky so we can all see. I can’t wait to see Tempus, if it’s anything as good as this was.

4 - Deante Hitchcock - Growing Up/Mother God [prod. by Brandon Phillips-Taylor]

In all honesty, “Growing Up” is really not the best song on Better. It’s a sweet, happy song with a smooth, crackling bassline with soft, ghostly synths, but still kinda ok. It’s the song added at the end, “Mother God”, that has warm, sizzling piano chords and gorgeous singing in the back. It’s one of the few time I’ve ever heard a man pay homage to the woman in his life and to the God above while being entirely sincere and not faking the funk. The way he praises his mom, his lady, remembering the women in his family taking care of him and him foolishly neglecting Breonna due to his overburdened mind feels full of details, remembrances, explanations and praises. Plus, it actually makes sense that God, if she exists (she does) is a woman since -

5 - Yana Perrault - whiskey and weed [prod. by slate]

Apparently, Yana Perrault is verified now. Excellent. {YES YES MY GOD YESS}, It means more folks know about how great this song, and Yana herself is. If I had any sense, I would’ve written up 12:21 as the best song of 2018, but such is life. Anyway, we have this smooth, bass heavy slinker with shimmering percussion and lumbering drums about hooking up with a former flame who’s “sober” yet keeps on calling Yana to break their sobriety, “know we ain’t talked in a while but you still know my address,” she wryly mentions. As the beat sprints away under a warm cocoon of accapella echoes, it mirrors a relationship so tenuous it might disappear into the wind. Yet still strong enough to have whiskey on call.

6 - Marlon Craft - Culture Sick Freestyle [prod. by Cormill]

Apparently this was supposed to be a shot at Flex. And since Flex is a woman beater and a lame, good for him. Shouldn’t have even gone on Flex to be honest, but then again neither should Jay Critch or Tyler or Black Thought and besides, I watch those freestyles too. And on the freestyle, Marlon frankly put things in perspective. “You don’t want us to better, you just want to be cool still.” This describes all of rap media to be real. And tellingly, it only has 310,000 views. Methinks nobody really wants real. But I do. Thank u Marlon, you continue to be the best white rapper alive. (Nowhere near the best rapper tho, and if Token hadn’t fell off -)

7 - Miah - Cascades [prod. by Cedes]

I’m sideeyeing the boy Miah cuz I had to search up his Audiomack to find the producer’s name (it’s Cedes, and they have a really great avalanche of Drake Type Beats is you like that kind of thing). Were you trying to trick folk into thinking you produced it yourself? You don’t need to do that shit. Especially since you’re writing stuff like “back in high school all my peers were tryin to hit the league / until the league too far from reach so they tap dancing over beats.” When you can frankly break down life that clearly, don’t be trying to hide producer’s names unless you actually learn to produce too. Plaster your name all over that shit.

8 - Justine Darcenne - Off Days [prod. by Mikhail Miller] / Enny - Peng Black Girls (ft. Amia Brave [prod. by Paya]

Justine is indeed my classmate, but that’s not why this song is here. it’s here because it’s a nice little guitar driven song with a spellbinding bridge that’s the best thing I’ve heard her do yet. And I’mma keep it short cuz I already wrote this up at the Singles Jukebox.

Enny released this soft, cushiony record with washed out synths over bulky drums and floated FLOATED over them without even trying to run in the tar, saying frankly, “He said to me, 'they put guns in the streets, that’s what they wanted for me.’ And I said, ‘G, someone can fix you a plate but no one can force you to eat.’” After all, why not try to live for something greater than what the world has expected you to be. And Amia sings, “We’re gon be alright, ok?” with the joy and excitement of someone realizing the words coming alive on their tongue. One of the best songs of this miserable year, and it’s kinda funny watching Jorja accidentally Drake out Amia and even Enny (and by funny I mean irritating.)

9 - Tobi Lou - okay (ft. Dreezy) [prod. by Matteo Woods & Dilip]

Fun fact: Dilip did some great songs with Otxhello, a producer who recorded and mixed 2 records on my first album. That again is not why this song is here. The warm, swinging synths and heavy, bouncy drums are why this is here. Oh, and Tobi’s goofy, silly lyrics and his surprisingly effective Missy Elliott tribute are great too. But obviously, the verse that vaulted this into top 10 was Dreezy, which opens with such a openhearted line, “i can’t help it, it’s too hard to say I’m sorry.” And every line is harder than the last, until she closes with “and I ain’t talkin frontals but we got the city sown up.” Absolutely amazing.

10 - Strongman Burner - Pilolo (ft. KelvynBoy) [prod. by Nixie]

The sweet, gooey synths are poured over the soft, zipping and smooth drums as the wiry bass whirls between Kelvyn’s soft, thin crooning as Stoneman tap dances over the drums, both desperate and defiant, trying to salvage a sinking relationship that he knows is already gathering coral and snappers. It’s the best afropop song of the year and yet it still has a Nigerian on it (well, I put 4 Nigerians on here, next year I’m rectifying that.) And they even did a song together last year , not as good as this. At all. (still pretty good tho.)

best 10 songs i love (but not enough to write full paragraphs for, I already put 10 in and this is already 5 goddamn pages)

11 - Logic - Heard ‘Em Say

best song on the project that isn’t Dadbod but at least it isn’t tempting fate.

12 - Deqn Sue - Creep

I already love this for having a gorgeous bridge, and is cute af. Yes Sue, you can creep.

13 - Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Sudden Death/ka - i love {moms, mimi, kev}

QUELLE CHIS CAN SANG SANG./ka can heart heart write.

14 - IDK - Square Up (ft. Juicy J)

I don’t know why this is here either but this slaps regardless.

15 - Nappy Nina - Modestly (ft. Maassai)

Maassai is creating some of the best raps out here. so is Nappy Nina.

16 - Kehlani - Lexii’s Outro (ft. Lexii Ajaii)

Let’s celebrate our great rappers when they’re alive (and this includes me. Pls Chika, don’t win Best New Artist.)

17 - Samad Savage - Goodnight

What Travis Scott should’ve tried to be instead of what he is now. Samad still dope af regardless.

18 - Bad Bunny - Si Veo Tu Mama

The way Bad Bunny actually hits that last note makes me feel so excited and alive.

19 - Fat Tony - Back In The Saddle

I fucked up. But I’m getting back in the saddle, back in the saddle next year. NO NIGERIANS ALL NIGERIENS. #ENDSARS tho.

20 - Lady A - the truth is loud

Why am I the only one who has this on a best list? I have 34 bot followers. Vibe, step it up.

best of 2020 music right here folxs.

worst music things of the year:

The Pop Smoke album. Just in all areas. (Better win that Grammy tho.) Travis Scott in general. (So loud and empty and boring.) Big Sean’s Detroit 2. (why does this exist? Just put out Deep Reverence and Detroit Night Cypher and leave everything on the cutting room floor fo the next album.) Remembering all the great rappers who are dead or incarcerated. No Kendrick album (just leaks. Not good enough.) J. Cole and Noname beefing and Noname getting strung up by twitter. Jay Rock pushing being anti-vaccinations. The realization that Normani might never drop a single record ever again. Tory Lanez in general. Joyner Lucas making actually good songs and falling off almost immediately. Cardi B in general. Anything positive being said about steven Universe songs. Luzamity shipping (until it’s canon please stop! Willuz is RIGHT THERE!)

[knifehecker]

undertale day [long post]

it’s the 15th!! happy 4th birthday undertale!!! normally i try to do a little art or something but this year i decided to do something a little different. there’s a lot of content that’s become core tenets of my experience with the fandom -- changed the way i thought about the characters, how i engage with the fandom, opened my eyes to new ways of writing -- and i thought it’d be neat to compile some of those into one post to share with other people. so without further ado!!!

40-minute Deltarune Piano Medley - FaceImplosion [MUSIC]

ok, i know this is deltarune and not undertale, but this medley incorporates songs from both games so i’m gonna say it counts. and honestly, i could say a LOT about this piece!! i’ve watched and listened to a lot of ut/dr medleys, and this has to be the most lovingly crafted of its type that i’ve ever seen. Ever. a lot of care has been put into the order and combination of the songs (some funny, some sad, some mindblowing, ALL amazing) and the art is so good that every time i listen i find myself watching along. there’s a lot of easter eggs, especially for the attentive listener/watcher, and this medley deserves far more than the 6k views it’s gotten so far.

Undertale Album Project - Various Artists [MUSIC]

Songs From Mt Ebott is a collaborative album project that contains dozens of tracks from a score of different artists. i have a lot of favorite tracks from this album, not to mention the individual track art created for each, and if you’ve never heard of this project before, i really recommend giving it a listen! (FaceImplosion also did a piano track for this album, by the way, which i’m linking separately because it’s one of my aforementioned favorites.)

Chara - tigerblossom [MUSIC]

im not gonna lie. this was my favorite piece of fan music for a long time. it’s a medley mashing a few different songs together, short and sweet, but it comes together in such an incredibly heartfelt way at the end that whenever i end up listening to it i find myself wishing the track was about five minutes longer. they also have an underfell version of your best friend that i recommend giving a listen!

Photographs - FuriousPoplar [FIC]

in terms of “post-paci everyone lives au”s, there’s been a lot of ground covered by a lot of different people, and after a while the concept feels almost a bit...same-y? but this fic covers a sorely-needed conversation between an alive chara and asriel in a way that i’ve never seen approached by anyone else before. it’s cathartic, it’s extremely well written, and it doesn’t shy away from the ugly sides of trauma and recovery, which is so greatly appreciated. it also hit me...REALLY hard, which i think is a testament to how amazing this piece is.

Turn Back - foxsgloves [FIC]

i read this one pretty early on in my time in this fandom, and it’s continued to influence me long after. the premise: frisk keeps loading over the brief time asriel has his body in the epilogue, and simply spends time with him as they both prepare to move on towards the end. it’s sad. it’s cute. it’s amazing. it’s something i go back to reread sometimes late at night when i want to reread something friendly and familiar and a little sad. and its been one of my favorites ever since i read it.

You Wear Your Grief Like a Badge - Draikinator [FIC SERIES]

how do you even TALK about ywyglb? do i talk about nate’s impeccable voice in their writing? how true to character they are with the kids? how they set the scene of a post-pacifist world still shaking with the echoes of the past? the series starts with flowey taking frisk’s soul captive while chara and sans form an uneasy alliance in order to get them back, and then spirals into a tense, sweet, funny, awful, heartbreaking experience that reshaped how i viewed the boundaries of my own writing. draikinator’s writing has been and continues to be a huge inspiration to me, and i heartily recommend giving any of their stuff a try.

A Numbered List of Things That Aren't as Badass as They Sound (ex. Monsters, Suicide, Burning in Hell) - rosyy [FIC]

a brief glimpse into chara and asriel just before It Happens, While It Happens, When It Happens. the prose here is the sort of flowery delirious feverdream you’d expect from a kid dying of buttercup poisoning, and i love it to bits. i also want to mention a dr who crossover by the same author, because it has kris as the doctor and frisk as the stray they adopt, and its also the perfect antidote to the angst the first fic provides.

Risen Up (or, Of Fallen Children and Mountain Kin) - paradoxpangolin [FIC]

oh jeezums, how do i even start with this one? post-paci, frisk comes to the conclusion that the best way to ease the tensions between human and monsterkind is to put on a musical about their time in the underground!!!!.....except this leads to its own host of complications, and things get a bit Messy. this fic hasn’t updated in a bit, but it contains so much in its 140k of already published writing that i feel the need to urge you to read it anyway. i’m really partial to autistic frisks, and this fic has what’s got to be my favorite portrayal of that in ... probably the entire fandom? honestly, most (if not all) of the characters in this fic are autist, and it’s just. very good. i love.

you’re like a mirror, reflecting me - batterytriplicate [FIC]

a daemon au exploring what frisk and chara’s journeys might have been like with the extra distinction between monster dust and daemon dust. i completely forgot about this fic until i was trawling through my ao3 history for this post, and i’m really really glad i found it again. i think i was in the middle of trying to figure out this exact au when i first found this fic, and it did everything i was thinking of (and more) so much better that i felt more than content leaving it at that. so if you like his dark materials and want to see a fantastic little daemon au, give this a shot!

soulless-pacifist - vsemily [ASK BLOG]

soulless-pacifist..... if you’ve never heard of this askblog, you’re in for a treat. i wasn’t with it from the very beginning, but i started reading towards the  middle of its main story arc and stuck with it to the end, and suffice it to say, it has to be my favorite fandom askblog to date, purely for how well its written, how well its drawn, and how it’s one of the....only askblogs i’ve ever seen come not only to a FULL conclusion, but to a satisfying one! the mun also worked with a programmer to create a fangame for its final arc, which is so above and beyond that im still kind of in disbelief. in short: this askblog followed frisk and their passenger after the events of a soulless pacifist route, and continues on with them as they grow together and find their place with a whole host of twist and turns in store.                also, memes.

Shine your light with me, chase all the dark away - FancifulRivers [FIC]

this au follows frisk and chara after the events of the game. unlike most post-paci runs, though, chara has their own body back, while they and frisk are hiding back in mt ebott after the monsters have left to avoid the complications of being runaways and also.... incredible guilt and trauma. things don’t really work out like that, though, and i really recommend this read. fancifulrivers has also been an incredibly prolific writer who’s uploaded a lot of really good ut fics, so this is a great starting point to jump off of for their other stuff!

repercussions - proximally [FIC]

this fic... i think this one fic is the one that’s impacted me the most during my early days of this fandom. it’s short, and sad, and is a twist on the soulless pacifist ending that i was left thinking about literally for months after i first read it. instead of saying any more and risking spoiling it, i’ll just leave the author’s desc:  “You made a mistake, and you pay for it with your life. “

The Great Boondoggle - Masu_Trout [FIC]

the premise of this fic is pretty simple. post paci, frisk is walking home. they come across a Bad Guy. hijinks ensue. but what sets apart this fic from others for me is the way frisk is written here. when this fic was published in early 2016, most frisks i came across were the...sweet harmless woobies that were pretty typical from the fandom. this is one of the first frisks i came across that was kind of mean, and a little cold, and had very obviously had a long upward climb to being the sort of person who chose mercy instead of fight. this portrayal is a lot more common nowadays, which i’m super grateful for, but since this is one of the first fics i came across that really nailed this portrayal, i felt i should leave this here. i also recommend their pokemon/ut au, which is toriel and frisk centric and i also love to bits.

and....well, i was gonna say “that’s it”, but i honestly had to cut quite a few things from this list to keep it from stretching the dash too much. there’s been a lot of incredible content created by this fandom over the years, and this is by no means a comprehensive list of my favorites. but these are some of the ones that impacted me in a really special way, and if you were kind enough to check them out and maybe even liked them, please consider leaving a kind comment for the creator! if you’re the author of one of these pieces reading this right now: thank you so much! im looking forward to finding even more favorites in this year and the next.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Another set of responding to asks lol.. As usual I have them numbered and will also write out the ask in the text, especially since the screencaps are all blurry and taken at various times/compiled together badly and probably hard to read ghghhggh..... answers under the read more ~ 

-------------------------

1. "Hi I don't mean to bother you at all, but I was wondering where you get your rocking horse shoes? (I think thats what they're called) I've been looking everywhere and I can't seem to find any :(( "

I don’t entirely remember, since I got them like 6 or 7 years ago.. I think maybe at some point that place ‘bodyline’ or something had some cheap ones? But I don’t see them on the site anymore, they were like $50 or $60. Now when I google it I can only find these insane like $600 ones from vivian westwood or whoever, or ones that are platform shoes but not necessarily the same type. Maybe you could find some on aliexpress or ebay or something? Usually you have to use weirdly specific search terms and look for a while, but you can often find stuff like that on those sites. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!!! 

2. "I've been sick for over a month and my doctor tested me - everything came back fine. After some discussion it appears that my ptsd symptoms came back and the stress on my body is making me fatigued, sick and dizzy. I don't want to say that this could be similar to you situation, but if you have a therapist or someone to talk to about any stresses/your sickness, it might help relieve the pressure a bit. Good luck, I'm so sorry you feel so unwell"

Thank you for sharing! Yeah, I think stress definitely plays a part in why I feel sick so often. Currently I’m not still having the same problem I was having a few months ago when you sent this, so that’s good at least!! 

3. “Hi! Do you plan to ever have more sculptures for sale? Or would you do commissions? I haven't seen any in a while but wanted to buy one! :-O”

I have plenty that I want to sell, I guess it’s just hard for me to get set up. Since so much of the reason I procrastinate selling stuff is because I hate the stress of deciding on a price, I’ve thought for a while now that maybe I can just auction them (so I just set a base price, but people bid whatever they feel is fair and I don’t have to decide myself). But I’m just not sure of a good way to do that.. Ebay has auctions, but I don’t want random strangers buying them, I’d rather stick to just the pool of people who follow my art blog and are already familiar with my sculptures or etc. I could do them on here ?? (like, ‘reply to this post to bid, bids close 8am EST, whoever said the highest number sends the money through paypal and then I send the sculpture’ sort of thing???)   But I’m not sure if it’s legal to sell stuff through tumblr, or if there could be any other problems with doing it so ‘unofficially’ like that.. I don’t know, I have a vague idea, I’m just having trouble deciding the best way to set up something! I do want to sell some soon though, if I live through the pandemic and anything ever goes back to normal, of course (I wouldn’t want to be having to leave the house to ship stuff in the mail right now). 

As for commissions, I have actually done sculpture commissions for friends a few times, so I feel confident-ish that I’d be able to do something like that, but I also wouldn’t want to get overwhelmed since it takes a lot of work. Custom sculptures may also be more expensive, and again.. I always feel guilty and strange about pricing. I’ve thought about doing very limited sculpture commissions though (like, maybe just one at a time, first come first serve or something..?). If it seems like there’s actual interest in that sort of thing, I could definitely consider doing it in the future! 

4. " *picks up that smol blue kid and throws them across the room* "

ghgh .. the smallness is an advantage... they could just skitter back down your arm like a tiny squirrel the second you tried to pick them up.. Ythrili survival strategy is to be too small to catch in the first place 

(also forgive every sketch in this post, my screen that you can draw on broke, so I’m either drawing stuff in ms paint with a mouse, or drawing stuff on paper and coloring it in firealpaca also with a mouse ghghh.. not going to look Good)

5. "it sounds like you feel pressure to only post good content on the internet, and so you end up psyching yourself out of posting at all. Am I on the right track? "

Not necessarily, like I mentioned in the tags I think it’s more just that everything is complicated by my brain. I can’t just do something effortlessly. Whether it’s for an audience or not, I get caught up on every little detail and adding so much complexity to everything that all tasks take me longer than they take other people lol. I think I just tend to take everything very seriously?? 

Like for example, I’m often accused of ‘turning things into a discussion’ when someone was just intending to make an off-handed remark, because if someone is bringing up a topic to discuss, I end up engaging with it 100% and putting full effort into it, and it’s hard for me to be ‘’casual’’ about pretty much anything (so if someone was like ‘My day yesterday was a bit weird’ I wouldn’t be able to just respond ‘aw man, that sucks’, I would just be like ‘Weird how? what happened? what made it weird? Are you okay now? Are things still weird? Have you found a solution?’ etc. etc.). I was also bad at essays/open answer questions in school (despite usually being great at the class otherwise), because no matter how hard I tried to filter my speech and cut things out, I was always far too long-winded  and would get almost too engaged with the topic and lose the clear cut thought organization and focus that you’re supposed to have I guess. Even like, playing video games or something that’s supposed to be relaxing, I can’t just ‘jump into them’ and do whatever, usually any game I play (large ones at least, small 25 minute  point and click adventure games don’t count of course), I have 7 - 10 pages of notes, do hours of research, look up most of the main spoilers, plan out and organize exactly how I’m going to play it and this and that, etc. lol... 

So, that personality trait carries over into posting things online as well, I can’t just type something out quickly and hit ‘post’ without a second thought. Social media is hard for me because you’re supposed to use it casually, but I spend a long time re-reading drafted posts, thinking about them, etc. etc., and end up never actually getting around to posting anything. It’s not that I’m perfectionist about it and want it to be ‘good’ or appear a certain way, it’s just that my mind becomes preoccupied with things I guess.  I’m a natural information gatherer, part of my natural way of processing things is to learn everything possible before acting, and I want to make sure I’ve fully thought about everything always, and know as much as I can (so I wouldn’t want to publicly say something without giving it a lot of consideration first, or post a picture without really thinking about if I want to post it, what my reasons behind posting it are (like if I’m posting something just for a validation of a certain aspect of myself VS. genuinely because I like it, etc.), if a few months from now I’ll still like that I posted it, etc. lol.. even with like silly cat photos or something, I have to analyze it and be like ‘hmm.. will I still stand by this picture in 4 months? why am I posting it publicly vs, just keeping it privately to myself on my computer? what’s important about it?’ etc. etc. ghgjhgjh.. like.. shut up lol.)

ANYWAY, yeah, I don’t know if it’s about wanting online content to be “good”, as much as it’s just like... I take everything way too seriously and am detail-oriented, contemplative, and analytical to a fault, which means it just takes me 10x longer to do basic ‘’simple’’ things that it would for other people. Though I can still be quite quick-thinking and decisive (I don’t often waver back and forth between things too long), it’s usually because I have years of thinking about the same exact things behind me, so I already am very clear on my opinions on stuff, to a point. But when it’s new things I’m less familiar with (like playing a new game, or posting regularly online), I’m still in a phase where I guess I have to give it a lot of thought. I just process things in a different way than other people I guess? Or have some inherent inability to be brief/concise/careless? If you’ve ever read any of my worldbuilding posts (where I usually start off wanting to explain one thing but then have to derail into 400 other misc. details and explanations and it ends up being a novel), then maybe it’s more evident what I mean, where it’s just like... my natural manner of speaking is Too Much.. I guess? Even this answer is winding and rambly, and I feel like other people could have answered this ask in only a few sentences lol.. 

 If any of that makes sense? I don’t know how to describe how I am lol.. I just know it's hard to me to use social media in this ~~casual effortless~~ way most people seem to, since my brain is just inherently incapable of anything ‘’casual’’ or ‘’effortless’’ lol..  T u T ;; 

6. " Hi! I hope this isn't weird to say, I'm designing a race for my DND campaign and some of the aesthetics are a little bit inspired by some of your costumes and makeup designs. You're awesome and your art is awesome so thanks : ) "

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It’s always cool to hear I can inspire people~ 

(I usually don’t include many compliments in these ask compilation posts, but I always try to include a few, just to let people know that even if I don’t respond to all of them I do see them, and appreciate it!) 

7.  ???

I ended up cropping out this ask and not answering because some of the content was questionable (the reason WHY/how they wanted to make the character) in a way that I didn’t feel like getting into a long thing about, but part of it was relevant to making OCs in my world, so I will just make a quick comment:

I do state that this is a closed world, so I don’t want anyone making OCs of my species or etc. at least not at this point. Once my game is finished (if ever lol), or I write a few books or something, then I feel it would be understandable if people like, made up a background story for their player character and thus maybe could have some form of OC in my world and etc.. So I may be more relaxed on this in the future as I create content that people naturally would want to engage with , but for now, I’m still a very tiny creator with a closed world and it just doesn’t feel the same as like.. making an oc based on some thing in a big TV series or something. My worldbuliding and etc. is still very personal to me. Unless we’re directly collaborating on things (like mentioned here (link) a bit), or you’re a personal friend of mine who’s gotten involved in the world with my own guidance (meaning I could tell you lore things you’d need to know to make it accurate, etc.), then I don’t feel it’s appropriate for strangers to do at this point. 

Especially since I don’t even have enough world info out for people to be able to reference (most species have half-complete guides, I’ve only ever talked about like, one continent, etc.). There are so many necessary details which I have only in my head and have never typed out, so again, idk, it’d just be weird. I’m not okay with it until I have a lot more lore published, and maybe a few actual works out there that people can reference/stories/games/basis for OCs to exist in the first place. If that makes sense? 

8. "Hey, is it ok to use your outfit posts as inspiration for a dnd character? I love them so much, you have such a unique way of combining crazy patterns and fabrics into something that gives off a good vibe”

Yes, that would be fine! Thank you for asking, and I appreciate the compliments~ Hopefully I can get back to posting that sort of thing more often lol.. I’ve gotten WAY off my routine and haven’t done many outfits lately.. aaa

9. "hi Luca! i just wanted to say i really love all of your costumes and fashions and dress ups, its all so cool and pretty and interesting. i actually wanna dress up for fun for myself, and now that i know about the bins i think i'll try to convince my mom to take me to similar places for cheap clothing pieces, since my mom is worried about how much all this costume stuff costs. anyway, please keep posting your cool and beautiful stuff! "

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your costumes! Yeah, I think there’s a common idea in a lot of fashion communities (like with makeup, costumes, etc.) that you have to always have high quality things to look nice, and even if sometimes you can do more with a little extra money, really you can make anything look good with what you have if you just combine it right. As I’ve always been quite low income, being into fashion and stuff has be discouraging at times, that I couldn’t afford certain materials or items, but you just have to find a niche where what you’re able to do works. For example, a lot of even ‘cheap’ lolita style clothings are too expensive for me (like $30 - $50 for a dress??? then the more pricey ones can be over $100???) lol.. BUT, then stuff like mori kei, cult party kei, fantasy costumes, etc. you can do with nearly any fabric you can find, and it’s still just as fun and creative. Most of the outfits I take pictures of probably cost me no more than $1 - $10 for every single item combined. Obviously it depends on location - I have better access now that I live near a place like the bins, which I understand there may not be similar resources in small towns or etc. But even with generic thrift stores (which may not be as cheap as the bins), you can still find pretty good alternatives to all the money it costs to buy things brand new. There’s still some stuff I legit just can’t do because I don’t have access to the materials, but for the most part I can manage everything I’d like with $3 eye-shadows and 15 cent tattered curtain fabrics lol. You can still do really cool stuff on a pretty nonexistent budget!

10. “do you have any tips on growing your hair long? is it expensive to up keep? i wanna grow mine out but it grows so slow!”

Well, I know nothing about hair and am not a hair stylist or etc. so I really don’t have any tips lol??  And I think hair maintenance depends a lot on the type of hair you have, not everyone’s is the same. I assume we must have similar hair  (my natural hair is thick kind of coarse very dark brown/black hair, which is a bit wavy in some parts but mostly straight, but most of my hair currently (aside from the overgrown roots at the top) is altered because of damage from bleaching and etc., it’s more brittle. so that’s what I’ll be referencing) if you’re asking me this instead of someone else, but just know that whatever I say may not apply to you.  

Anyway, I really don’t do anything to my hair to make it grow or etc., it’s just that I’ve gone a long time without cutting it lol. I used to cut it all the time or change styles, and now I’ve kind of just left it for 5 or 6 years or so. Because of my mental illness I have trouble maintaining personal care and etc., so I do sometimes go a week or more without washing it, even though I’m trying to work that into my schedule more (luckily I don’t have stinky head, I’ve heard some people’s scalp oils and stuff can smell weird if left for too long, I have the privilege of being able to like.. skip on hygiene a lot without it severely impacting my ability to do things or etc. since it’s usually not obvious if I haven’t bathed in a week or two). 

My cat also EATS HUMAN HAIR for some reason, so I have to keep it up all the time, so that when I shed it doesn’t actually just fall loose onto the ground lol. Literally all I do to my hair is just keep it in two braids at all times and wash it with normal shampoo and conditioner occasionally, when I can. I really only think it’s gotten long because I’ve been leaving it alone and not messing with it, not really because of anything I’ve done (like I don’t use fancy products on it or etc.) And because of that, no, it’s not really expensive! It absolutely WOULD be if I were like..a normal functioning person and I regularly bleached it and dyed it and put products on it and styled it and used shampoo and conditioner every 1-3 days on it and etc. lol.. But I guess because I don’t do anything to it to maintain it, I’m not spending money on hairspray or dye or shampoo or etc.  I used to bleach it a lot and straighten it and use hairspray and stuff on it, and it seems healthier (at least on the new top parts) now that I’m just ... ignoring it basically lol. But I don’t really know what to do to make it grow faster! I’m bad at self-care, and even if I do costumes and stuff, I really am not into beauty and hair and nails and makeup and stuff, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask hghjhb.. My upkeep routine is just... eat and sleep. wash face with water daily.. do extra stuff if you can manage to despite your functioning issues, etc. I’m definitely not a Beauty Advice person, I barely brush my hair even once a week lol

11. "Maybe you should reduce the number of races if it's too overwhelming? A world can still be immersive with only a few races in it."

(sidenote - Not to be nitpicky, but I make a specific point that the groups of fantasy creatures I create are species, not ‘’races’’, even though it is a commonly used term in fantasy worldbuilding, I think it’s inaccurate/weird )

I know I don’t have to make so many different groups, but, I guess I just really want it to be a broad setting. Part of the point in creating Nanyevimi (aside from worldbuilding just being extremely fun and a hobby greatly suited to someone with my personality traits lol) is to have an established world that I can do anything within, a framework already built where it'd be super easy to just drop a character anywhere on the map and already have an idea of what their culture, background, experiences, etc. would be based on pre-existing details about that portion of the world, etc. But I also want it to be broad, and varied, where every area kind of has it’s own dynamics going on there, so if you’re in a different place, you get a different kind of story. (like in an elven alliance city, you’d be better suited to tell an adventure story centering around complicated local politics, or city life, or etc.. whereas out in some isolated mountains in the south, it’d be more suited for a mystery story about stumbling across ancient ruins, or running into a mysterious traveler, etc.) 

Which I guess doesn’t matter much, since I'm better at setting, world design, character design, planning, and details than I am at plot, so  I probably won’t actually ever do anything with it (god forbid I tried to write a book or something with my utter inability to be concise/brief in any imaginable way). I can craft settings/characters/history/world-details all day endlessly, never losing inspiration or etc, but my weak point is actually telling stories within those settings and formulating a solid plan, organizing plot structures long term and etc.. Setting up everything for something to happen/creating a place where many interesting premises could occur is fine, but then actually thinking of how those things should OCCUR, or how the set up should play out, is where I get kind of lost. I guess the ideal at some point would be to have people working with me, helping when writing stories in my world/outlining games/etc, to add more cohesion/structure and reign in the unfocused stream of ideas,  but that’s very unlikely since I don’t have any close friends that are good at organizing or plotting either, etc. BUT anyway, even if I can’t ever manage to do anything with it, the whole “having a setting I can use for anything I want if anything ever comes up, which is already established and thus makes it much easier to formulate ideas because all the background work is already done for myself” thing is at least a nice goal.. in concept...theoretically lol..  

And, it’s not really too overwhelming, I think the overwhelming part is actually just formatting and producing those ideas in a consumable form. It’s not hard for me to keep track of 20 different groups and make backgrounds and every imaginable detail for them, but it IS hard to actually take all that information that exists in my head, type it out as a worldbuilding post, format and organize it, draw pictures to go with it, etc. If I could just post long stream of consciousness style 300,000 word long posts with no paragraph breaks, 4000 typos, barely any punctuation, etc., then I’d have A LOT more world-building info publicly available (since that’s what all the initial documents on my computer look like lol), but that’s just so inaccessible it’d be pointless to have public in the first place. The hard part isn’t really coming up with or managing the information, it’s just... organizing it all, and finding a way to share it. 

12. "oh PLEASE tell me what boing peach beverage the elf looks like"

a quick sketch of them.. mysterious peach (and other produce) salesman   

13. "fun question: what are ur fashion pet-peeves?"

Well, basically none because I hate when people are rigid over Fashion Rules or etc. Like, people who take pictures of others in public because they “look weird” , or who constantly trash on what people are allowed to wear, what patterns can be mixed with others, etc. etc. I get that some stuff can look kind of bad sometimes, and it’s not that I think nobody is allowed to criticize fashion trends or etc. (especially if they’re legitimately problematic, like of course someone wearing a homophobic t-shirt or doing blackface should be criticized), but I mean just like... that sort of trivial bitter criticism that doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad about the way they look or make them afraid to dress in ways they feel comfortable. Like taking a picture of someone and posting it online to make fun of them because they wore socks with sandals, or bullying 14 year olds who just started doing makeup and haven’t totally gotten their look sorted out yet, etc. etc. (ESPECIALLY since this can often intersect with classism, racism, etc. if you really examine what people mock as 'ugly' or 'unacceptable' styles, it's often stuff like men wearing dresses/makeup, women not shaving, clothing associated with poverty (like wearing “”cheap”” clothes), physical traits commonly associated with poc, making fun of people who look a certain way likely due to mental illness (like fidgeting, dirty mismatched clothing, carrying stuffed animals or comfort items in public etc.), etc. etc.

I find costumes and makeup and outfits to be a very cool and fun way to express myself. So when people are complete freaks about it and set out to just relentlessly make others feel bad for no good reason, it’s like... obnoxious... How can you take something with so much potential and limit it and close others off and turn it into this rigid hateful thing, when it should be something that everyone is able to be passionate about and appreciate?? Outside appearance isn't everything, but it's a tool of expression for so many people and can relate to who they are as a person, people should never feel uncomfortable to be who they are or look how they look just because some dumbass rich person writing for a style magazine has the gall to declare some random thing to be 'Unfashionable' despite not having a genuinely creative bone in their body, or some bigot thinks that certain things are ‘ugly’ or ‘unprofessional’ due to their own mental associations, etc.

But anyway, I guess if I had to choose a few things that I just think look kind of odd to me personally/are generally off-putting...  

--- the overdrawing lips thing when you can see the persons actual lip-line and it almost looks like they have two mouths or something? (if not done intentionally for costume makeup). It can look a little strange to me sometimes, like an optical illusion where you see multiple mouth lines at once?? idk like this?

--- freckles that are just round circles and really heavy and don’t look realistic (though again, I also realize this could just be the person’s first time drawing them on or something and I’m not  mocking for lack of skill, etc. I just mean that it’s a little strange to look at, not actually BAD though) (and it can also be intentional, like for a cartoony costume look) ---- People adopting cutesy/childlike fashion and clothing and sexualizing it or using it as part of their sex/kink stuff.. I just feel like anything associated with children should not be sexualized..? If the first thing someone thinks when seeing children's school uniforms or frilly little girl’s doll dresses or whatever is that it could be a Hot Thing then hhh... like why is your brain making those connections lol.. People can dress how they want for whatever reasons they want, but that’s always personally creeped me out a little. Similar to our culture’s obsession with looking young being ‘hot’ (like a grown man wanting someone who’s a legal adult but still “looks 16″ or etc.), where it’s like.. okay, I guess yeah outwardly you can make that choice, and maybe aren’t directly causing harm, but.. the underlying tones of it and etc. still make it very unsettling to witness lol... ---- anything appropriated obviously, as well as fetishization or bastardization of cultures, like t-shirts with Japanese writing on them Just For Aesthetic, or taking certain culturally or religiously significant symbols or etc. and adopting them as ‘just a silly fashion’ thing when you’re actually being disrespectful, etc.  ---- those shorts or whatever that go up extremely high on the hipbones always look a little weird to me lol, like they give a person funny proportions, 

(you may have to right click open image in new window and zoom to see the text, but it’s like.. the blank space makes it look kind of weird to me? Like there’s too much where there’s just nothing going on? idk. That’s just my personal preference though, obviously I tend to lean towards busy designs lol)

That’s all I can think of though, like I said, I’m really not picky or judgy about fashion since I think people should be able to do whatever they want for the most part. I’m not like a “omg stripes should NEVER be worn with plaid!!” type person or something lol. 

14. "Hey Luca! I love when you post about your world. Do you have a favorite species you've made up so far? Also, I hope you're holding up well during the crisis!"

AAaa thanks! I’m okay mostly. It’s distressing since because of my particular mental illness I already have constant paranoia and obsessions about health, so of course hearing about so much illness can be really triggering constantly and I’m preoccupied in never-ending anxiety spirals about mortality and etc. etc. etc. , but situationally, I’m just very thankful that nobody in my household has gotten sick yet and I desperately wish that will continue to be the case. *** *** *** 

(ignore the *** *** *** , this is a text version of a physical compulsion (a hand movement) that I have to do when I mention certain topics lol.. the little man in my brain that controls my obsessive compulsive disorder says I must do certain things after saying or thinking certain things,, You Know How It Is ) 

And I really love worldbuilding questions, so thank you so much!!!!! Hghgh maybe it seems weird to favor any over the others, but of course I really like the Avirre'thel. Conceptually, I think their origin story and connection to ancient elves and their abilities and etc. put them in a really unique position in the broader world (some of the only truly immortal people to exist, the only people who can still decipher ancient elven texts in a way that makes sense, etc. etc.). Since Nanyevimi (my world) is really just a setting being built so that in the future I can set things within it (games, short stories, etc.), I think I'm drawn to the aspects of it that have the most potential to make interesting characters, and there are definitely a lot of pre-established dynamics with the Avirre'thel/in Navyete (their home country) as a whole that would make it an good place to set certain things, or a good group for a main character to be from, etc.

I do really like the Jhevona as a species overall too, even if I haven't developed them as much, they also kind of stand out as having some fairly unique features that put them in an interesting position in the world (being one of the most magically capable groups that exists but that also having downsides (health issues and infertility from magic exposure, etc.), how the necessity to keep control over their magic influences their culture, being some of the only natural shape-shifters, etc.). Within that, I REALLY love the Thastanri (a subspecies of Jhevona), like their connection to dreams, the Imkasyn, being one of the last few peoples in contact with real dragons, etc. etc. There are a lot of complex things going on in their area, so there’d be a lot of potential to tell a variety of stories or have interesting characters from that group. 

AND, though it's supposed to be Unknown in the world so I won't talk about it just in case I ever write a book one day or something and need to preserve at least a FEW mysteries that I don't just outright explain in worldbuilding posts, Jhevona do have the most interesting origins of any species in my opinion. There are some things from before the timeline break sort of thing (where all recorded history was seemingly wiped and everyone had a big memory loss about 50,000 yrs ago) that people aren't aware of anymore... but Jhevona used to have a cool backstory and quite interesting function in society prior to that. There are some remnants in the genetics of the species and how their magic works (at least for certain groups) that kind of hint at how ancient Jhevona used to look and what they used to do, even though in the modern day things are very different.

15. "Top 10 songs you've been listening to lately?"

I don’t have a top 10 since I listen to everything for different reasons, and don’t have as deep a relationship with music the way some people do (like I don’t really have a favorite band or group I have a connection with that’s “gotten me through hard times”, or music I cry to/any songs that are specifically personally emotionally meaningful to me, etc., etc.), but here’s a quick playlist of a few favorite-ish things I’ve had in my head a lot recently - 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHNkgKo7nAiEMgVvLcycX5Qc

the last song on the list specifically I’ve been replaying a lot for some reason, I guess since it’s good background music as there’s no words. Particularly the part that starts around like 38 seconds in, something about that melody reminds me of something distant, in a dreamlike way. The past few days I mostly alternate between that song, Outstanding, and And The Beat Goes On  lol

16. " Do you ever sell sculptures? I really like that little fawn!"

Yeah, I hope to eventually! Like I mentioned in question number three, if I can set up some sort of way to do auctions or etc, then maybe I can sell that one! 

17 & 18 : '"aaa yay!! i missed your outfits!!!" / "can I just say love ur outfits! They're so cool and inspire me to draw my ocs with new outfits > o < and I love your cat too, please give him a big ol pat!"

Thank you!!!! more compliments posted just to show I appreciate them lol, even if I don’t publicly respond to every one~ And, the Boyes appreciate the pats.. here is them.. big babbeys... 

[schmergo]

What Your Favorite Shakespeare Character Says About You

I was sending these individually to people’s inboxes but then tumblr got weird about it and started thinking I was a robot because I was sending too many messages, so I made this instead:

Hamlet: You've been going through a PRETTY DANG WEIRD COUPLE OF YEARS. You've either taken at least one philosophy class or you've written/made/performed something inspired by your feelings about your parents.

Ophelia from Hamlet: You're depressed but have a top-notch aesthetic. You are constantly amazed by how much the people around you can let you down.

Horatio from Hamlet: You’re a very good listener but people rarely listen to you.

Beatrice from Much Ado: You use humor and irony to cope with virtually any situation unless it involves one of your friends getting hurt. Then you are in Mama Bear attack mode.

Benedick from Much Ado: You either love Kenneth Branagh or are a Nerdfighter or both.

Macbeth: You either really love your significant other or really love Fight Club.

Lady Macbeth: You either went through a goth phase or you have really strong opinions about classic Hollywood divas/ aging female Broadway stars/ modern pop stars.

Richard III: You either love edgy memes or you're the kind of person who really likes Loki and Kylo Ren. Or you absolutely hate the fact that Shakespeare portrayed him as a villain, which means that your favorite Shakespeare character is not Richard III at all, you just have a favorite historical figure.

Queen Margaret: You either own multiple pieces of merchandise with feminist slogans on them or you have very strong opinions about Game of Thrones.

Juliet: You are NOT getting along great with your parents right now. You have a favorite Disney princess and it's not because of how she looks but what she's been through.

Romeo: If you're not an Instagram poet, you should be.

Mercutio: You like to make jokes while watching movies with your friends. Your friends probably don't enjoy this as much as you do. You probably either really like The Joker or Deadpool.

Prince Hal: You, who most loves Prince Hal, are also more judgmental of his choices than anyone else. You're the kind of person who puts together really intricate, detailed plans for upcoming events or projects and devotes yourself totally singlemindedly to them while acting like you are under no stress and having a good time, sending out lots of friendly and chill sounding reminders like, "Hey guys! Things are moving along! Just a few updates!" You lie awake all night in a panic about these things.

Hotspur: You would think that people who love Hotspur are also jocks, but in fact, they are actually enthusiastic nerds who are always up to argue relentlessly about their favorite topics.

Falstaffs: You are either someone who has played Falstaff, wants to play Falstaff, have seen a favorite actor or loved one play Falstaff, or are leading literary critic and Yale professor Harold Bloom.

Richard II: You either have a very detailed pinterest, instagram, or tumblr devoted to your personal aesthetic. You tend to self-sabotage. If you ever get married, you will be WEIRD about your wedding. Also, you are probably not heterosexual, let's be honest.

Rosalind from As You Like It: You have probably wished you could give lessons to a previous partner of yours of how to be a less sucky boyfriend/girlfriend. You have had at least one controversial haircut among your friend group.

Viola from Twelfth Night: Same as the above, but also people constantly guessed incorrectly about your sexual orientation growing up. And also, you still sometimes think wistfully of your high school crush.

Malvolio from Twelfth Night: You are smart, but you often do stupid things. You like to watch 'cringe compilations' or follow humorous fail/shaming blogs, but you also constantly worry you will find yourself on them.

Olivia from Twelfth Night: You have had a string of BAD RELATIONSHIPS and are DONE right now, but that doesn't mean that you're not extremely committed to STYLE, because you are.

Paulina from The Winter's Tale: You HATE your boss.

Shylock: You constantly feel the need to tell people that he is NOT a villain and everyone else in that play is terrible. You can't even enjoy The Merchant of Venice, but you keep going to see productions of it anyway.

Iago: You constantly feel the need to tell people that you're not actually racist, but you just think he's a FASCINATING VILLAIN.

Othello: You weep when certain songs come on the radio.

Prospero: You are writer who often complains about how HARD it is to be a writer despite getting very little done.

Caliban: You actually like A Tempest better than The Tempest.

Ariel: See PUCK below, except you're less annoying.

Puck: You used to do gymnastics, martial arts, or some other kind of sport or dance because your family hoped that would help you get some of your energy out and you'd be less hyperactive, destructive, and disruptive. You have a bad habit of accidentally breaking things.

Helena: You had really bad self-esteem in high school and still have really bad luck in relationships.

Titania: You used to have Lisa Frank everything in elementary school.

Oberon: You really like Renaissance faires

Brutus: You have always been either an overachiever perfectionist or someone who habitually bites off way way way way way more than you can chew and makes a mess of it despite trying really hard. You remind people to bring an extra sweater to events because it might get chilly.

Cassius: You are extremely smart and yet you're also an impulsive mess who does weird things like start painting your entire bedroom at 2 AM. You feel like you somehow have the sworst luck in the world and that if you had more opportunities, things would be better. You have a grudge against specific celebrities.

King Lear: You have a favorite elderly British actor.

Cleopatra: You secretly consider the Kardashians or other similarly luxuriously-living reality stars an extremely guilty pleasure. You also may have gone through a strong Ancient Egypt phase in elementary school.

Coriolanus: The Prince of Egypt made a big impression on you even if you're not religious. You are quiet and reserved but swear like a sailor. You either have a huge crush on Tom Hiddleston or have a favorite Civil War battle.

Katherina from Taming of the Shrew: Either you don't actually like Taming of The Shrew or you've never actually seen/read Taming of the Shrew.

Anyone else: You're just Too Cool For School, aren't you?

[bigmoodword]

11/11/11 Tag

tagged by @silver-wields-a-pen -- thanks a bunch! this was so thought-provoking.

1. Who is your favourite oc? 

probably a toss-up between the two oldest:

a werewolf who hides his cold-burning hate behind a sweet smile and endless offers to make bitchin’ cups of tea/coffee/poison/cocoa

an immortal with unhealthy escapist tendencies, livin’ that long life as if EXTRA is their personal motto

at this point, they’ve run through several names each. here’s hoping i finally set 'em in stone sooner rather than later.

2. What themes do you struggle writing? 

healthy, established romance. i can do flirtation and doomed relationships, but actually solid relationships are a whole different beast. it’s kind of funny, because although there are plenty of problems to work through even in the best relationship, i have a tendency to tidy them with too nice a bow. lucky me, that’s my life experience, but it doesn’t make for the most engaging story.

3. What’s been the best thing about writing your wip?

striking creative oil. it’s wonderful to be so enamored with an idea that all my doubts dissipate and the words just... flow. it’s a feeling i remember from childhood, and it’s a relief to know it can still strike.

4. What themes has your favourite story included? 

survivor’s guilt. betrayal. missed opportunities. miscommunication. learning to let go. learning how to love oneself. abuse. wearing a mask. class struggles. systemic oppression. the importance of hope--whatever that ultimately means for you.

honestly, these tend to pop up in all my stories to varying degrees.

5. What time of day do you prefer writing?

i tend to switch between the night owl and early bird approaches. the former pops up when i’m on a serious roll, the latter when i’ve hit a rhythm of jotting down a few hundred words over coffee.

6. What’s your favourite relationship trope to write? 

a very specific kind of unrequited love. like the two are this 👌 close to actually coming together--they’d honestly be pretty great!--except they fail to communicate mutual interest so each assumes the other isn’t. or maybe they’re too preoccupied with their own issues to have a good relationship, so temptations aside, one or both decide it’s better to pass. it’s the idea of “maybe in another life” or “if only we’d met x years ago or y years from now.” can’t get enough of it!

7. What detail about your ocs has surprised you? 

they’re all so messed up. i mean. granted, most of them are born by taking a personality flaw (whether my own or one i struggle to understand) to a certain extreme, but even those that start on an even keel inevitably hit a significant low point. i think it’s an extension of the idea “everybody’s got something” but i hope someday i can manage to have a character that’s both interesting and well-adjusted throughout.

8. Thoughts on including romance in other genres? 

i’m ace, so romance often misses the mark for me. the fact my favorite romantic trope is two people not ending up together probably says a lot on its own. more specifically, unless the romance really adds to the wider story, i prefer it in the background. i think of certain characters flirting and growing closer as sprinkles atop the main plot’s cupcake.

9. Favourite writing snack? 

coffee! i don’t tend to snack much in general, especially not when writing, but i’m always game to break out the bean juice.

10. Favourite villain trope? 

the anti-villain. as a huge “fan” of gray morality, i guess that’s pretty darn predictable. while obviously i’m not here to root for villains, i like to understand them. i think it’s important to recognize how an otherwise good person becomes villainous, and i also have a certain affection for reformed villains. j/s

11. Best scene you’ve written? 

oooo. that’s a good one. i’m not comfortable calling anything my “best” scene, but i tend to favor those where major plot points finally intersect. here’s one i still quite like--

background: urban fantasy, slayer organization, investigation into a recently caught perp

trigger warning: implied sexual abuse

Sven didn’t bother returning Nina’s call until he was in the werewolf’s ritzy apartment, and when she picked up, she immediately reported how the guy had copped to lying throughout his first interview.

As he examined the titles in the bookcases, Sven figured that meant his perp was smart enough to recognize a boon. The asshole who’d put him in a wheelchair had also thrown him a softball cover story, and if he played along, his pack wouldn’t get hurt. Lucky puppy.

Yet Nina remained skeptical. She specified how Nate—that beacon of truth—had caught the werewolf talking on the sly about a little friend. He wouldn’t just make that up, so of course she expected him to search high and low for any proof. Just in case.

He promised he’d do his best then sat cross-legged before the shelves. He put the phone on speaker, set it on a dizzyingly ornate rug, and began pulling books out. One by one, he’d flip robotically through the pages, looking for anything of note.

Meanwhile, Nina’s voice lost its authoritarian edge, “What was up before?”

“Nothing important. Just a guy. Lonely. Works at the hotel.” Having said the words, he tried not to picture her growing smirk. “One thing led to another and…”

“Good for you.” A pause. “Hey. Hey, Sven. Was he cute?”

“Quite.”

“'Quite.’” He could hear her rolling her eyes. “And? Did you, well, have a good time?”

“Debatably.”

“Huh.” Nina thought aloud, “See, you were awfully mad at me when I called you before. That would imply that you were, in fact, having a good time. Otherwise, you would’ve appreciated the excuse, right? Right. But you didn’t. Since we’re talking about you, that means something.”

He snorted.

“Really! It does, and I hope you didn’t just run this poor guy off, you know? You should try meeting up again. Do a little wine and dine. Something nice. Classy. You have that red sweater that looks nice; you should wear that.”

Sven looked down at said sweater. “… Right. Well, I gave him my number, so we’ll—”

“Damn, Sven! He must’ve been really cute!”

He remembered Drake’s anxious wiggling and cracked a smile. “Yeah, he was pretty damn cute.”

Bit by bit, he shared details, and Nina nearly blew out his phone’s speaker with a squeal. She insisted others would give up their firstborn for the kind of porno romance he apparently lived, and her office chair creaked as she huffed a triumphant sigh. She was so animated about the whole thing, as if it’d happened to her instead of him, and however briefly, he thought maybe he felt a fluttering of that same enthusiasm. He wanted to, anyway. 

Even after hanging up, something twisted in his gut every time he thought about Drake calling or, hell, simply sending a three-letter text. But realistically, that was as likely to be dread as giddiness.

With pen and pad, Sven made notes about bookmarked passages as well as the odd comment in the margins, then restored each book to its original slot. Likewise, he compiled the contents of drawers, filing cabinets, and closets. He’d come prepared to scrub the evidence, but apparently, the evidence already suggested the werewolf lived alone. 

There were no articles of clothing that deviated from the rest of his wardrobe. The master bath featured a single toothbrush, and the kitchen just enough rotting food to feed a particularly voracious adult male. He couldn’t even find a hair that wasn’t deep brown and short.

He bagged a phone and tablet for further examination, then muttered to himself about how he really should’ve done at least that much beforehand. That is, the first time he visited the apartment, but no. He’d made his catch, handed the perp off, and disappeared for a long run in the Boston fog like a coward.

To be fair, the place still gave him the creeps. It bothered him that the overturned furniture, smashed vase, and cracked mirror were all exactly where he’d left them. There were blood stains too. Deep brown and foul.

In a small safe, he found jewelry, yellowed woodcuts, and a first edition copy of Leaves of Grass. Extraordinary, sure. Cataloged, absolutely. Yet, save for the werewolf’s budding psych profile, such finds were also woefully meaningless.

He moved on to the lockbox dug out from under the king-sized bed. As with the safe, he was able to pop it open without too much difficulty, but unlike the safe, its contents raised eyebrows. 

Polaroids. Hundreds of them aggressively rubber-banded into tidy stacks, all meticulously sorted. He held his breath as he unwrapped the first only to exhale a bitter “of course” at the revealed photos.

The shots lacked faces. Just bodies. All slender. All male. All dubiously legal. Twisted. Bound. Violated. Every single one manipulated with an escalating ingenuity. Clearly, the werewolf considered it an art-form. 

After that first stack, Sven quickly flipped through the others. He was convinced the whole stash was worthless. None of the subjects had tattoos, piercings, or any significant scarring. No one depicted could be reasonably identified. He was wasting his time.

But he had to make sure, and the deeper he waded, the more his shoulders tensed, the more he felt walls close in. He caught himself listening for heavy footsteps outside the door.

Childish. At its heart, it was all so childish. 

And pointless.

Then he found a stack with a face. He found Drake.

My questions

1. Who was your first OC? 2. What was the first story you ever wrote? 3. What book (or other piece of media) has most inspired you? 4. How do you fight writer’s block? 5. What is your favorite genre to write in and why? 6. How would you describe your writing style? 7. In general, do you think you’d get along with your protagonists? 8. What do you love most about your WIPs? 9. What is your favorite character trope? 10. What is your least favorite character trope? 11. What’s an upcoming scene you’re excited to write? Tagging: @mvcreates ; @whataremetaphor ; @phloxxiing ; @gaytivity ; @jessica-shouldbewriting ; @oyef ; @blurrywhitelies ; @savannahscripts ; @imaghostwriter ; @quilloftheclouds ; @maabon

[sherryaptx4869]

Making it through love

It’s GinTae month!

Behold, a very short compilation of GinTae moments from the Gintama manga, anime and movie. Try as I might, I cannot do justice for the pair by words because to borrow a line from Westlife’s Home, “the words are cold and flat, and they deserve more than that.” So I looked for pictures detailing in a nutshell why GinTae (aside from OkiKagu) is my OTP. Since they have a lot like really a lot! of moments (aka they know each other heart by heart), I just chose from my pile of screenshots to accurately depict the prompt given which is kind of hard because the prompts blur and overlap with each other. Take these with a grain of salt, because the context of the episode where I took it from might not exactly be as romantic as I want it to be. Remember, this is fan-made. Fanon is not canon. But I wonder about that in this case because the Easter egg hints came directly from the creator of the series himself haha I’m also proud to say that no fan arts are included here to drive my point home that Gintoki and Tae are as canon as we can get from Sorachi very close to being married officially.

This is just the tip of the GinTae iceberg that will sink other ships. This does not capture the entirety of GinTae moments in the manga, anime, movie, OVA, live-action movie and even the audio CDs. Treat this as a preview of many GinTae moments.

For now, I hope you have fun with this one as much as I did when I was scouring my hoard of Gintama images. This is dedicated to all the GinTae fans. If you don’t like this content, just ignore then scram. Credits go to Sorachi-sensei and to the production of the anime where I took the screenshots from.

First Meeting: Watch out! Your soulmate might just appear from behind you while riding your scooter!

Realization: If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question (as manifested by Gintoki and Tae time and time again from the start of the series up to this point).

The Reveal: Put a ring on it! It must be great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Date: Put your best foot forward!

Reminder: Booze and sweet stuff for both the lady and the gent.

New to the Family: A pretty serious relationship with someone long-term requires an introduction to the family. And whoah! There’s a whole spectrum of shenanigans they get into.

Jealousy: (Play Nick Jonas’s Jealous for the feels haha) It’s not Gin-san’s fault that the ladies hover. But it is Tae’s every right to be hellish because she’s (*whispers*) jealous the wife.

As for Gin-san… he’s making his fist and his dirty tricks do the talking to protect the woman he cared about. (Look at Kagura’s unimpressed face (and Shinpachi’s shrieking) haha, I bet the paragon of adult wisdom she considered to be Gintoki just crumbled to dust.)

Laughter:  Sometimes your silver samurai turns out to be just an idiot perm-haired samurai.

First Kiss: Exactly what it sounds like— but no, there are no kisses in the anime. Paging Hattori Zenzo, please tell us since you saw the whole exchange

Thirdwheeling: Come with us, they said. It would be fun they said. Tag yourself, am I being extra?

Flustered: The sweetness of strawberry parfait oozing out of the Smeggy Samurai’s words and gestures makes him sappy with Pony-chan whose cheeks are tinted with blush yihee *heart*

Rest: Gin-san resting before he gets tired lols. But hey, it’s usually the Kodokan Dojo, the Shimura’s residence where Gintoki lounges about. We also see Tae checking up on the Yorozuya trio regularly as well as to pay her respects to Gintoki’s mom figure- Otose.

Shopping: GinTae shopping for clothes together. Two years later, it is also while shopping for clothes that Tae through a series of unfortunate events brought home Gin-san (and Hijikata) wearing undies on his face.

Food: It’s not only love that is shared, also carbs.

Cherry blossom viewing (Hanami): The Sakata family wringing the beauty out of life. They seize the day over bento boxes (courtesy of Mom Tae) and sake-filled glasses (courtesy of Dadtoki). Of course, the day is completed with a showdown with their frienemy the Shinsengumi. And to cap the day off, look at the reverence and fondness the three are giving to Gin-san.

Rainy Day: Rainy days won’t keep our Queen of Kabuki-cho from hanging out with her family. Mom Tae even had a bento prepared. How thoughtful and sweet!

Super Powers: Plagiarize your way to success. In real life, don’t! It’s a crime. Here is Dragon Ball x Bleach x One Piece = DragonBleaPiece. Yeah, only in Gintama!

Holding Hands: When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold, don’t let go. (I was singing Heart by Heart performed by Demi Lovato on this part so you’ll find a lot of references to the song <3)

Spellbound: We don’t need any spells for GinTae to be together. See here they even act silly together. Also in an AU, Gin the bully is controlled kept in check by class-president Tae. In the Love Potion arc, no amount of love potion can dope Gin-san to forget that the hand he is supposed to hold is Tae’s.

Surprise Gift: Tae is up to something… Surprisingly enough (or maybe not), it is her infamous Dark Matter that makes one hate surprises when they are presented the honor of eating Tae’s magnum opus.

Dispute: 

Yagyuu arc, Gintoki: It’s like Tae doesn’t hear a word I say. Her mind is somewhere far away. Like she doesn’t even care.

Benizakura arc, Tae: I know this whole city thinks it needs you but not as much as I (and Shinpachi and Kagura) do.

Gin-san went out anyways, and Tae let him.

(Btw, collage is not mine. CTTO. I’m sorry I forgot from whom I took the photo from)

Angst: Gintoki (disguising as Takasugi) is in a predicament. He doesn’t want Tae to find out he is back in Edo after two years of wandering about. No, not yet. Certainly not in those clothes (or the lack thereof).

Rescue: It’s not always the damsel that is in distress. Sometimes, gotta rescue the perm-hair and his friend the long-hair.  Oh the things we do for love!

Tragedy: This was when Kagura faked her illness that led to her “dying” (as orchestrated by the Sadist Prince Okita) and after the Liberation war. Meantime, it is best to grab what wonderful moments you find lying around.

Support: Behind a man’s downfall or success is a woman. Tae’s are the only eyes that can see into and through Gintoki and vice versa. They read each other like a book. They support each other in any way that they can. They even got each other’s hearts backs.

Cliche: They’re unaware of how cliché they’re being when it comes to their romantic feelings. Everyone can see that they have this thing going on, only they can’t see it. Talk about dense. Go on, don’t be shy just say it out loud.

Memories: Let’s intrude on our favourite kind of gathering – walking down memory lane with Tae and Gin-san. Pretend they are looking over a photo album to see how far they’ve come. Looking on are Madao Hasegawa-san and Catherine.

The Power of Two: GinTae accomplishing a goal that neither of them would’ve been capable of doing alone. Just look at the picture, I have nothing more to say haha

“I love you”s: Can Gin-san be more roundabout in saying those words to Tae so they can live together as man and wife. Probably go ask the other half of your sadist duo aka Okita Sogo how to propose/ say you love her the unconventional way. (I’m referring to how Okita proposed to Kagura. Oh well, that’s for another post)

Different Ways of Saying “I love you”: I’m stumped. I don’t know what to say. Every one of their interaction is gold. Just show how you feel and make it real. And to Sorachi-sensei, one good way to hide something is in plain sight. People often forget to look at something right in front of them. Kudos!

And I end this lengthy post to that last panel with Tae saying she understands Gin. The way he’s complicated is simple. Isn’t that sweet? Might I add, Gin-san being a sweet-talker and sappy is really cringe worthy haha.  Tae and Gin-san found a way to find each other thanks to Shinpachi boy. From then on, it’s like she’s been in his life forever with the way she understands his heart by heart. Anego and Danna making it through love. The gods have spoken.

[alittledizzy]

starter kit for bored phans

VIDEOS! CONTENT! STUFF FROM THE PAST MONTH! 

recent main channel videos!

The Top Dan Memes of 2017 (danisnotonfire - 14 Jan 2018)

I Read a Letter From My  Younger Self (AmazingPhil - 25 Jan 2018)

recent gaming videos!

THE LITERAL EMBODIMENT OF RAGE - Dan and Phil Play: Getting Over It 18 Jan 2018)

Dan vs. Phil: ZELDA OLYMPICS! (22 Jan 2018)

Can Dan and Phil Dress Anime Girls? (26 Jan 2018)

How To Be A Sexy Nerd - Guess the Wikihow! (31 Jan 2018)

TEENAGE ANGST TIME - Dan and Phil Play: Sims 4 #49 (6 Feb 2018)

recent live shows!

WHAT TO LEAVE IN 2017 (Dan - 16 Jan 2018)

Phil’s Younow (Phil - 1 Feb 2018)

and now THE FUN PART, fan works! 

some super long (100k+, completed) fics for full immersion!

Exogenesis Symphony by SpectralNyx - let’s get this monster out of the way first: this fic is over 440k of vampire love story goodness. just go ahead and call in sick for work for at least a day. or a few days. tbh might be safe to go for the whole week.

Nothing Like a Storybook by Merrydith - Almost 250k of slow burn 2009 university au.

flashlight in the dark by cuddlydreamsonrainydays - Every time I see the kudos count on this fic I want to bop you all upside the heads because it deserves more love. Dan was born able to hear the thoughts of other people - and moves into an apartment across the hall from Phil’s. 105k, so good, please read it.  

So Many Stars by transdimensional_void - 150k of the most gorgeously crafted au that lands Dan and Phil as English teachers in Japan.

The Abstract Notion of Home by wallflowerchronicles - 100k of more university aus seriously pipe these right into my veins I want them all. This one is set in the US and Dan and Phil work together on a radio show.

Second Chance by phan_anon - I’m sorry, you want smut? Like super hot smut with feelings? And also knotting and abo dynamics? You want like 120k of it? Here ya go.

First Impressions (Perhaps I Was Wrong) by Ablissa  - Just under 110k of proof that there is literally never enough slow burn uni au in the world.

some still meaty but less all-consuming (40-100k, completed) fics to spend at least a couple hours wallowing in!

now and forever by waveydnp - 83k, roommate au. (oh my god. they were roommates.) if you haven’t read this au then idk who you even are. /disappointed mom face

Our Threadbare Lies by ramonaspeaks - Legit classic, if you haven’t read it I’m not sure how they even let you in the door. 58k, canon divergent but diverges... basically at the start. It’ll make sense when you read it.

light through an open door by queerofcups - 54k and if you haven’t read it then you must not have been following me for very long. another uni au (blessss.) but with the richest world building and original character development you could dream to want.

read between the lines (i will if you will) by Ablissa - 72k of 2009 sweetness and boys falling in love over Skype.

winter winds litter london with lonely hearts by danlester (isaacmclahey) - 56k, theater au! how are there not more of these with dan’s theater kid background? anyway, this one’s great.

There You Were (Inside My Brain) by parentaladvisorybullshitcontent - what? another uni au on the list? you’re damn right it is. Dan needs someone to help take notes for him and Phil gets the gig. And then they fall in love and 49k of fluff and happiness and goodness ensue.

where things come back. by commonemergency - hands down one of my faves from the pbb haul this year. 76k of ‘it hurts but you’ll like it’ storytelling.  

some authors who you should basically Just Read Everything by!

parentaladvisorybullshitcontent

hunterfics

thatsmistertoyou

cosmogeny

waveydnp

dantiloquent

iihappydaysii

dantique

queerofcups

phloridas

nihilist_toothpaste

commonemergency

kay_okay

deathlytireddan

thejigsawtimess

huphilpuffs

adorkablephil

dantique

AgingPhangirl

The_Blonde

symmetricdnp

ramonaspeaks

this is not a comprehensive list! please only consider it a starting point! feel free to reblog and add your own! i welcome that! exclamation point!

but! words aren’t all! there are some badass ARTISTS IN THIS PHANDOM so here’s some you should go and appreciate and reblog and grovel at the feet of! links go right to their art tags! also very much not comprehensive but a good start!

psychicmoth

pxheart

alinaazac

manged

stargazedpml

riu-sen

riggem

hey-laura

jess-scribbles

hlvnshk

martisun

queenusagiblog

backin2009

creamphilled

artokiddo

mortallyvirtualphan

marketakindlova

shizukaaoidesu

and if you’re still super craving some dan and phil in video form here are some fantastic compilations people have made on youtube!

oqua12. just, the whole channel

dan and phil monthly highlights, also just reccing the whole channel

dan and phil in jamaica (2010)

dan and phil making each other laugh, a series: the original, undertale, yasuhati, pinof

phil making himself laugh

dan and phil at the BONCAS (2016)

rough/touchy dan and phil (2009 through early 2016)

dan fiddling with his hair for 30 minutes

the dapg sims 4 playlist, for if you have exactly 18 hours 4 minutes and 21 seconds to put toward a rewatch

dan and phil singing in liveshows

dan and phil’s (v inebriated) q&a from SITC 2012

dan feeding phil

ladydoor compilation, for if you really hate yourself

that’s all, have a lovely day! 

[boredout305]

Kristi Callan of Wednesday Week

Kristi Callan is best known for her tenure leading Wednesday Week. She presently plays in Dime Box, The Roswell Sisters and Cheap Chick.

           Originally from Dallas, Kristi and her sister Kelly moved to Los Angeles in the mid-‘70s. The Callan sisters played with a pre-Dream Syndicate Steve Wynn in Goat Deity before forming Narrow Adventure with Kjehl Johansen (Urinals, 100 Flowers). Narrow Adventure morphed into Wednesday Week in 1983. Wednesday Week would sign a deal with Enigma Records, releasing What We Had (1987), before disbanding in 1990.

           In the 1990s, Callan formed Lucky and Dime Box. With the help of Justin Tanner, Kristi also performs with the Roswell Sisters—her three-part harmony group which includes Kristian Hoffman (Mumps, James White and the Blacks). Spacecase Records is currently working with Kristi on a Narrow Adventure LP, culling unreleased tracks from 1981-1983. COVID-19 permitting, be on the lookout for Dime Box, Roswell Sisters and Narrow Adventure shows in late 2020/early 2021.  

Interview by Ryan Leach

Photos courtesy of Kristi Callan

Narrow Adventure, left to right: Kjehl Johansen, Kristi Callan, Kelly Callan. 

Ryan: Where did you grow up?

Kristi: My sister (Kelly Callan) and I are from Dallas, Texas, originally. We moved to Oklahoma next and then to New York. Our mother is an actress. It was an interesting transition, going from Oklahoma to public housing in New York in the mid-‘70s. We loved New York City. We then moved to Los Angeles in 1976. My sister and I were pissed about it. New York City is great. You can ride the subways anywhere and do whatever you want. I was just getting into music. The Ramones were starting to break out there. There was no decent public transit system in L.A. and we knew no one. We were miserable. It took us a couple of years to figure it out. Eventually, my sister got her driver’s license and we’d go to punk rock clubs. Things started getting a lot better. Music took up our entire lives at that point and we decided we wanted to form a band.

Ryan: You’re the youngest? Your sister Kelly is a bit older?

Kristi: Yes. Kelly is three years older.

Ryan: Tell me about the Undeclared (1979). I’ve read that was your first band with Kelly.

Kristi: There was this girl, Betsy, who I met in high school. She’s the one we named Wednesday Week’s first EP “Betsy’s House” after. I told her, “Betsy, you’re going to play bass.” She did and so we had a little band in high school that never went anywhere. I was on guitar and my sister Kelly was the drummer. We would practice in my sister’s room. Betsy eventually gave up trying to learn bass, so the band became my sister and I. Kelly had just started college at UCLA. She didn’t have a major; she was undeclared. That’s where the band’s name came from.  

           My mom’s the greatest. She’d let us practice and make a loud, awful racket at home. Her friend told her, “Oh, they’re doing this fair down the street. Your daughters should play it.” So we got this slot playing in a parking lot in Panorama City. It was just the two of us—me and Kelly. It was amazing and exciting. The wind was so strong it blew over Kelly’s heavy cymbals. Her first drum set belonged to the drummer of Iron Butterfly. Kelly found it in The Recycler. We’d always go to this record store, Moby Disc.

Ryan: I remember Moby Disc. There was a store in Canoga Park up until the early 2000s.

Kelly: That’s right. The one we’d go to was in Sherman Oaks and later they had another location in Santa Monica. We could walk to the one in Sherman Oaks. I’d stare at the album covers for hours. I was so uncool. I was an awkward 15 year old. I got to know the guys behind the counter, only the cool people got jobs at record stores. I told the guys at Moby Disc that I had a band. They responded, “Really?” “Yeah, it’s me and my sister.”

           My best friend at Moby Disc was Dave Provost (later of the Textones, Wednesday Week, Dream Syndicate). Steve Wynn was friendly too and he asked me if we wanted to play together. I was like, “Sure.” That became Goat Deity (1980-1981). Steve lived with his parents on Sunset Boulevard and we started practicing at his house. We were into art punk and he was into more traditional stuff. He would play his songs with us; we’d play our songs with him. We recorded and did a show in the living room of my mom’s house. All the guys from Moby Disc turned up. After a while it became obvious that we weren’t meshing musically so we went our separate ways and our friend Kjehl Johansen, from the Urinals and 100 Flowers, said he’d play bass with us. That’s when we started Narrow Adventure (1981-1983).

Ryan: That’s interesting. Goat Deity was right in between The Suspects, the band Wynn formed at UC Davis, and The Dream Syndicate.

Kelly: Steve had been at UC Davis for school. When he finished, he came back home and worked at Moby Disc. Karl Precoda came down and rehearsed with us one day and he and Steve really hit it off. That was when we realized we were going in really different directions and decided to split off and go our separate ways. It was amicable—we all liked each other a lot, but musically it wasn’t the right fit.

Ryan: How did you meet Kjehl?

Kelly: We were seeing bands every night. I had a fake ID. My mom was cool with it, but she got apprehensive once. She read an article in the paper about punk rock being scary. So we took her to a show at the Starwood. The Plugz, who were my favorite band, were playing. Charlie (Quintana) was my age and Tito (Larriva) was always very nice to us. He bought my mom an orange juice at the show to reassure her all was well. The opening band that night was The Last. I didn’t want to see them because some obnoxious guy had told me that The Last were the best band in L.A. and I thought “I will never check them out if this guy thinks they’re cool.” But they were on the bill that night and were actually really good. Anyway, my mom saw The Last and said, “Look at these nice boys. They’re just kids like you. You’ll be fine.” She was right. They were nice and really good and we started going to see them regularly. Kelly and I got to know them, but mostly we hung around the people associated with The Last like Gary Stewart and Bill Inglot. Gary managed The Last. David Nolte, who was in The Last and who I’m now married to, said, “The Urinals are the best band ever.” He was right. It was through going to shows that we met everyone. Also, Kjehl, Kevin (Barrett) and John (Talley-Jones) went to UCLA, which is where my sister and I went. And I was always telling everyone about my band with my sister—even though we didn’t have much going on at the time.

We got Kjehl to join and then Gary Stewart got us our first show. I didn’t know how to book a show. I was 17 or 18 at the time. Gary said, “Narrow Adventure can open up for The Last at the Troubadour.” I was like, “Yeah, okay.” So, we went from a parking lot in Panorama City to my mom’s living room to the Troubadour.

Ryan: That’s moving on up.

Kristi: Right.  

Ryan: It’s interesting how The Last and The Urinals, two stylistically different groups, formed such a bond. The Last’s Vitus Mataré recorded some great material during that period. The Narrow Adventure tracks he recorded must have been your first semi-professional recordings.  

Kristi: Definitely. That was terrifying, going into that garage to record with this guy (Vitus) who I’d seen on stage but who I didn’t really know. I knew Vitus could play and I knew that I couldn’t. I had had music lessons and I knew some theory. But The Last had been playing big shows for years. I just had a big mouth.

Ryan: Tell me more about Narrow Adventure. I know you played a show on November 6, 1981, with 100 Flowers and The Last.  

Kristi: Gary Stewart had gotten us that first show at the Troubadour. Afterwards I asked him, “Okay. What’s next?” He responded, “Well, now you need to get your own shows.” Narrow Adventure played a lot. I’d book us any gig I could find. Shows on Sunday at midnight. Thankfully, Kjehl was game for it. For Kjehl, Narrow Adventure was interesting and exciting because he had never played bass before. He bought a Hagstrom 8-string bass. He was totally into it. We’d play every other week. Once in a while, Gary would put us on bills like that November show you mentioned with The Last and 100 Flowers. Those were the best. Other shows would be with bands that I’d never heard of before or since.        

Ryan: Can you describe the transition from Narrow Adventure to Wednesday Week and Kjehl leaving the band?  

Kristi: Vitus and Gary were putting together the WarfRat Tales (1983) compilation. Vitus had recorded us and wanted two tracks for the LP. Vitus is the best. We were so excited. But he said, “You can’t keep the name Narrow Adventure. It’s the worst name ever. You should change it before we put this record out.” So we had to. It just so happened to coincide with Kjehl leaving the group. I think Kjehl had completed his experiment playing bass in a band. He was great. I remember we would lean on him. At the first show at The Troubadour we were like, “Okay, Kjehl, what do we do? Do we go on stage now?” We were terrified.

Ryan: That’s funny considering The Urinals had to go to Austin, Texas, to play their first off-campus show. They didn’t know how to book one in L.A.

Kristi: I know. Everyone figures it out differently and they went to Texas. Kjehl really didn’t know what was going on either. I was like. “You’re the one with some experience!” I was listening to old live Narrow Adventure tapes recently and Kjehl had great stage banter between songs. Narrow Adventure was his opportunity to play a different instrument and do something totally different from The Urinals, which I think was his first band. I know Kjehl sometimes had different ideas than John and Kevin with The Urinals and 100 Flowers. Kjehl wanted to get a little bit better musically—take lessons—while Kevin and John were fine figuring their instruments out themselves. We provided a different vibe for him. Narrow Adventure was something Kjehl tried and then he was done. I remember the concert to promote the Warfrat Tales compilation. It was really exciting. David (Nolte) played bass with us that night. Kjehl had already left and we were going by Wednesday Week then. But David couldn’t stay long. Joe (Nolte) demanded a lot with The Last. Our old friend from Moby Disc, Dave Provost played with us for a while after that until he got too busy.

Ryan: Vitus Mataré produced Wednesday Week’s debut EP “Betsy’s House.” It was recorded at Radio Tokyo, the studio owned by the late Ethan James (1946-2003). Did you get to know Ethan?

Kristi: Ethan was great.

Ryan: He always struck me as underrated and I liked his work with Jane Bond and the Undercover Men.  

Kristi: I can’t believe he’s been gone for so long. Ethan was so patient. When we did “Betsy’s House” David (Nolte) was playing an incorrect chord so I said to him, “That’s a minor chord.” David responded, “No. It’s a major.” He was being so stubborn. He wouldn’t listen to me and I didn’t know what to do so I just put my head down. Ethan looked up and said, “David, Kristi wrote the song.” He quickly and effectively shut down that situation. That was Ethan in a nutshell. He was quiet and when he spoke it was usually the right thing to say. He respected women as musicians too which is great because it can be hard being a woman in music. Some guys won’t play with women in bands. People often talk down to you but Ethan wasn’t like that and neither were David and Kjehl. We went back and recorded at Radio Tokyo throughout the 1980s. Ethan made a lot of things happen. I liked Jane Bond and the Undercover Men too. You’re right. Ethan is an unsung hero. So many great records came out of Radio Tokyo. I go by there now and I just want to cry. It was such a cool studio and scene and now the area is completely gentrified.

Ryan: Wednesday Week’s next album What We Had (1986) was released on Enigma. How did you end up signing with the label?

Kristi: The funny thing is we were going to make a record with Rhino. Gary Stewart (Rhino’s A&R head, manager of The Last) said, “’Betsy’s House’ did well.” I borrowed money from my mother, brother and dad to put that out. Gary was right: it did well. I was able to pay them all back. Gary said, “The record sold. You promoted it.” I booked all of these tours. I had graduated college and I started freaking out: “What am I going to do with my life?” So I booked tours for us. We played a lot of colleges because they paid well. Gary was impressed and said, “Rhino will sign you and you can do another record with Ethan (James).” We said, “Okay.” I was always checking in with people back then. And I was talking with Scott Vanderbilt who unbeknownst to me was working A&R at Enigma. He asked me what I was doing. I told him we were going to make a record with Rhino and that Ethan was going to produce it. He said, “No. Enigma wants to put it out.” I was like, “Really? Enigma has all these different acts. They’re not really like us.” Honestly, we weren’t right for Enigma. Nevertheless, Scott introduced us to Bill Hein who ran the label. Bill was so nice. He was genuinely interested in signing us. He told us, “Well, if Rhino’s going to give you $5,000 to record, we’ll double it. You can go record with Don Dixon.” That sounded like a step up. Even though we liked Ethan and he was great, we wanted to try something different and grow. That was actually awful—having to go back to Gary Stewart, our biggest ally, and go, “Y’know, we’re gonna have to do this other thing with Enigma.” Of course, Gary understood it because he was Gary. But it was hard. In retrospect, we should’ve done the record with Gary and Rhino. We could’ve had a longer lifespan. Enigma was like, “Well, you didn’t sell records like Stryper or Poison. We’re done with you.” Rhino would’ve kept supporting us.  

Ryan: Enigma always seemed like a label that would sign a bunch of bands and then throw them up against the wall, so to speak. What stuck, they kept. What didn’t, they dropped. Then they’d repeat the process.

Kristi: Yep. And that’s what they did. I think we could’ve had time to grow with Rhino. They would’ve put out another record. We were trying to be smart at the time.

Ryan: Although signing with Enigma wasn’t the right move in retrospect, was recording What We Had with Don Dixon a positive experience?

Kristi: Oh, yeah. It was great. We recorded with him again in February 2020. Dixon’s the best. Do you know anything about him?

Ryan: Yeah. I like a lot of the stuff he recorded. I’m a fan of Tommy Keene.

Kristi: Right. We went out there (Reflection Studios in Charlotte, North Carolina) to record, excited and very nervous. Dixon was very easy going. He could work with women. He wasn’t going to take the instrument out of your hand and play it himself. That would happen.

Ryan: It happened to The Bangles.  

Kristi: My god. The shit The Bangles had to go through. The more records you sold, often the worse it got. “There’s too much money on the line, honey, let me play that part.” That wasn’t going to happen to us. Our response would’ve been, “Fuck you.”

Ryan: How did your brief tenure with Enigma go? Was it a situation where communication dwindled as time went on?

Kristi: Pretty much. And we were working with William Morris. That actually wasn’t a good decision. William Morris would book us on these shows that didn’t make sense. We should’ve been working with F.B.I. (Frontier Booking International).

           Another time we were trying to be smart but weren’t: when we signed our contract we knew not to give away our publishing. That’s how all those songwriters in the ’50 and ‘60s got screwed, right? So we didn’t give them a penny. The problem with that is then Enigma had no skin in the game, so they didn’t do much for us. We didn’t understand how things worked back then. We did get a couple of placements in movies almost accidentally. Many people found out about Wednesday Week through a couple of our songs being in Slumber Party Massacre II (1987).

Ryan: You and your sister started your own imprint, Sweden Spins, to release Wednesday Week 45s and cassettes after your time on Enigma. Wednesday Week wound down in 1990. Did the experience with Enigma suck the life out of the band?

Kristi: Definitely. But with Sweden Spins, my sister’s boyfriend—who’s now her husband—he always had good ideas. He said, “You guys should start a fan club.” I was like, “No! That sounds stupid.” But we eventually did it and so many cool people were in that fan club. Anyway, my sister’s husband recommended we put out a single for our fan club members. We weren’t initially receptive to the idea, but we did it anyway. And he was right—people loved them. Sweden Spins was the imprint for our fan club. We released three fan club singles.

           Getting dropped from Enigma did suck the life out of the band. We had different people coming into the group early on, but Heidi (Rodewald) solidified the lineup on bass. Then we had a revolving door with second guitar players until David (Nolte) joined. That lineup with Heidi and David was our best one. When Heidi left we thought, “Oh, it’ll be alright. We’ll figure it out.” She didn’t like touring because it’s stressful and quit right before we had a tour starting. Thankfully John Talley-Jones (Urinals, 100 Flowers) stepped in to play bass for us on that tour. It was great. But we needed a long-term bassist. We tried a bunch of different people. But the magic was gone. A group of people builds a sort of synergy. When someone leaves, it’s really hard to find it again.

Ryan: What have you been up to lately, Kristi?    

Kristi: After Wednesday Week, David Nolte, Mike Lawrence, my sister Kelly and I had a band called Lucky. Mike Lawrence had been in Direct Hits with Paula Pierce. Our first Narrow Adventure show at the Troubadour was with Direct Hits and The Last. David and I started Dime Box in the 1990s. I got to play bass on a US and Ireland tour with David Gray before he was famous when my husband was in his band. That was cool. They were great guys. The ‘90s was a period where I was playing with everybody. I sometimes forget who all I played with back then.

           In the 2000s I had kids so things got harder. Someone asked me to be in Cheap Chick—the all-female Cheap Trick tribute band. I love Cheap Trick. I wanted to be Robin Zander when I was a kid. I was initially embarrassed to be in a tribute band, but we have so much fun. We played in Las Vegas. We played in Japan.  

Ryan: I’d join just about any tribute band for a trip to Japan.

Kristi: Yeah! And we played Rockford, Illinois, and Rick Nielsen called us up. He said he had a show that night so he couldn’t come see us, but he asked if we wanted to meet up the next day. We were like, “Fuck you. You’re not Rick Nielsen.” But it actually was him! So, we had breakfast with him the next day. What a giant thrill. He was a cool guy: “I heard good things about your band.”

           My husband, our son and the drummer in my Americana group also have a tribute band to our old labelmates, The Smithereens. My husband was playing in a band (Dave Davies’ backing band) with Dennis Diken (The Smithereens’ drummer) and he thought it would be fun to make a tribute to them, so we do that now and then. Those songs are such a pleasure to play and we have a lot of fun.

I’m also singing in a three-part harmony group called the Roswell Sisters. There was a group in the 1930s called The Boswell Sisters. We do that kind of material. Do you know who Kristian Hoffman is?

Ryan: Absolutely. He was from Santa Barbara originally and played in the Mumps and with James White and the Blacks.

Kristi: Right. My husband David had been playing with Kristian a lot. They played with El Vez and Ann Magnuson together. Kristian’s husband Justin Tanner sings and arranges all the songs with the Roswell Sisters. Sometimes we do Kristian’s songs in these lush, three-part harmonies. The Roswells are me, Kristian, Justin, Lisa Jenio from Candypants and Pierre Smith who I knew from the ‘80s with his band The New Marines.

Finally, my band Dime Box plays regularly and is working on a new CD. The last release received critical acclaim and some nice airplay across the country, but the pandemic quashed the 2020 tour plans to support it. My son James (Nolte) plays with me in that band as well, along with Lyn Bertles (Cruzados), Nick Vincent (Holly & The Italians, Frank Black) and Alex Vincent (The Bots and Stop Thought). We like to keep busy. Kelly is in Dragster Barbie and, of course, Kjehl has 100 Flowers and a solo record coming out. Narrow Adventure made a video together and we are looking forward to touring to support our release in late 2021.  

Dime Box. 

[jinwoowoohoo]

@cha-eunwoow and @sanhatation hit me with that x2 tag combo (💖💕💞) I was gonna put them both in this post but it.... got very long... so I will split them up after all 😅

First up is a Kpop one from lovely Liv (hey girl I hope things are going better for you!!)

To anyone who genuinely reads through all of this bless your heart and ily

1) 5 favorite groups?

f(x), ASTRO, SHINee, Day6, Dreamcatcher

2) Top 5 on your bias list? (no particular order)

Lol I just did this, so: Amber, Jinjin, Onew, S.coups, Wonpil (though if we can double from groups my girl Luna would 100% be here)

3) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

f(x) - they were my first group and will forever be my ults. I just love how unique they are both as a group and each member individually! Every member shines so much in their own way and can absolutely stand as artists in their own right (and have been proving so with their solo projects the past 2+ years), and when they come together they create things that are so cool and beautiful and unique 💜 Honest to god after I sat down and listened to their whole discography on Spotify for the first time, I listened to nothing but them 8+ hrs a day, 7 days a week for almost a month I was so in love (i'm not exaggerating you can ask my roommate aldbaj) (SM please let us have f(4) again I would literally cry). That being said I also consider ASTRO and SHINee to be ults, and could write whole paragraphs for them as well 💕 

(but y’all please support my girls, Victoria put out a Chinese single and should be following with an album, Amber’s halfway through releasing videos for her mixtape & Luna is releasing 2 digital singles this coming week! Krystal has no musical projects atm but you can check out her dramas and modeling~)

4) Ult Bias and why you love them?

My kpop origin story revolves around me coming across the Electric Shock mv in 2013 and being both in love with and absolutely floored by Amber. A girl? In a girl idol group? With short hair?? Who presents in a masculine way?? I couldn’t believe it was something the companies would let happen and it was so. I don't even know. But I knew it was really meaningful and important to me. 3 years later I actually fully listen to the group (honestly thank got I needed new music to listen to at work) and I finally learned her name - Amber Liu. I'm someone who id's as nonbinary, and I've really struggled with my perceived femininity my whole life - its something I'm still working through. When I saw Amber, a person working in a very gender stereotype-heavy industry and culture, being able to present in the way she's comfortable and standing up for the rights of others to do the same, it just really touched me on a deep personal level. Even though I know she id's as cishet she still has done a lot for those of us that don't, and I'm sooo insanely proud of her for sticking to her guns and choosing to live her truth through all of the hell people have given and continue to give her for it. Not only has she stuck it to the haters by prospering, but she's taken her experiences and her talents and made them into absolutely beautiful works of art. 

She uses her music to express her feelings and talk about her struggles, and the fact that her work is so personal and has so much of her in it also means a lot to me (please listen to Borders, Need to Feel Needed, Beautiful, Heights, and this cover of One More Light NOTE: if self harm is a bad topic for you, maybe skip One More Light and the Borders mv (the song is fine and ultimately uplifting, and the mv does end happily). She has worked so. damn. hard. to pursue her dreams and passions, often having to rely on just herself and her friends to work when SM just straight up refuses to do their JOB as her MANAGEMENT COMPANY, and somehow she keeps doing it with that beautiful smile.

Aside from all the gooshy stuff, she’s just really goofy and fun (and attractive >>) AND she was born just 2 months before me so I feel there’s a connection (also my parents considered naming me Amber and she considered my name as a stage name??? #starcrossedlovers). Finally she has literally the cutest dog in the world please look at this picture and cry with me

5) Favorite Kpop Meme

lmaooo now that I’ve poured my heart out over Amber, lets look at the human meme that is Lee Taemin (i just picked one but my favorite meme is just. him.)

And a special shoutout to all of the rest of the SHINee memes, like I thought about linking just one but there are so many legendary classics how do you choose (I got to experience the burnt Gucci story in person though so a super special shoutout to that one)

6) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

I’ll do both my ults since this is my Astro blog but I’ve only talked about f(x) so far ;;;;;

For Amber, this picture has been my phone background for well over a year now so I guess this one?? It’s from the song festival when she and Ksuke debuted Breathe Again (many months before it’s official release) and she was just feeling herself so much during the performance (credit for the pic most likely goes to her fansite Ambossing)

As for Jinwoo adljasdfs I only have like 100 pics of him just on my phone this is fine I’m gonna pick this one, bc when he posted it I loved it so much I came very close to literally printing it out and framing it...... he just looks so happy!! And he’s being his most natural self, no hair/makeup, out with his family, doing something he loves. It just Warms My Heart

7)  Favorite Kpop MVs

Ok this is a whole can of worms, so I’ll try to limit it to just 10 I quite like?? (in no specific order)

1) Astro - Baby 2) VIXX - Error 3) Seventeen - Lilili Yabbay 4) SHINee - Boys Meet U 5) EXID - DDD 6) KNK - Rain (performance ver) 7) Oh My Girl - Closer  8) f(x) - Electric Shock 9) Crayon Pop - FM 10) Taemin - Saynoara Hitori (I know it was a Japanese release but ssssh I’m counting it WAIT HECK i just realized Boys Meet U was a Japanese release too asdlfjasf welp) 

Also shoutout to this cover Dreamcatcher did of Maroon 5′s Lucky Strike

9) Favorite Kpop crack video?

I don’t have a single specific one, there are so many quality compilations (I have watched a surprising number of Seventeen as Vines videos though lmao) 

10) Favorite content creator(s) within the fandom?

All Aroha are super talented ok, If I listed everyone that came to mind we’d be here for longer than anyone needs to be....

11) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

the only fandom I’m fully in that’s  been active in Korea the past year is Astro :’) But that’s well enough, I really do love this community!

12) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

omg no why

F-Jinjin asldfjasdf

M-Amber

K- Onew..... no this is wrong :< I’m changing the k from kill to kiss ok? ok.

13) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

Honestly probably Luna - she is one of the single most uplifting people in the world and she’s always ready for a good time! Queen of self love!

14) If you could date any idol, who?

I would never want to date an idol unless they were no longer/never an idol - trying to date around the antis and media would just be way too stressful on its own, plus the idol would be so busy all the time you’d barely get to see each other anyway

15) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

SHINee - Married to the Music

16) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

yes (depends on the idol)

17) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

Yoon Sanha, my soft noodle, my potato son

18) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

@ Park Jaehyung meet me behind the Taco Bell at midnight

19) Favorite vocalist?

MJ/Luna/Onew

20) Favorite Rapper?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I’m honestly not sure??? Some contenders are Rocky and LE though

21) Favorite dancer?

sdflajsfadsf why must you hurt me in this way I’ll say Taemin because he really puts a lot of thought and self into his dance, and he’s actively trying to create change in the way the industry thinks about gender and dance

22) Things you have in common with your ult?

I think I pretty much touched on all that with Amber, so for Jinjin we both love dogs and like the drums, we can be quick to smile, we try to lead in an understanding/accommodating way rather than a total authoritarian way, we do That Face™ when someone is pushing our buttons lol

23) The most beautiful trait any idol can have?

Kindness and an open mind

24) Songs that will always make you jam along?

how....long do you want to be here adsflj I will say the song that gets me jamming the MOST at work is N.Flying - Hot Potato

25) Your worst wrecker?

I’m here today to talk to you about a dangerously beautiful man named Kim Myungjun

26) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

I saw SHINee in Dallas with my bff in 2017, then I went to Astro in DC all by my lonesome this past February! (so I just need to see f(x) and I’ll have gone to all 3 ult groups) Also fun fact my good friend @jinjins-freckles was also at those two concerts, but we didn’t know each other yet for the SHINee one - funny how things work out~

27) Favorite choreo?

THIS. THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION. I CAN’T. IMPOSSIBLE. I’m not even gonna try and list some.... theres.... too many;;;;

28) Favorite live performance?

ok look first of all, you come into MY house, and ask me to pick ONE performance adslfj I’ll say SHINee’s Woof Woof bc I was absolutely obsessed with it after I discovered it, its just so fun and goofy but also bops hard as heck??? Legends Only

29) Favorite debut mv?

Hide & Seek cleared my skin watered my crops and gave me a lil smooch on the forehead

30) Recommend a rookie group

Dreamcatcher!!! They’re having a comeback in May please support our goth goddesses

31.) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

Astro - Puss n Boots

32) Tag some cute mutuals you’d like to get to know better (and to do this challenge)!

Since she’s tagged me a few times lately I’ll tag @myunghjun (and that’s it asdlj if you read all the way to the end consider yourself tagged too ok ily)