#anyway i think i'm getting close to opening a bunch of stuff

[james-stark-the-writer]

forgot to update this, but i started playing the game again like two days ago, and i actually started working my way through the DLCs because i actually dropped the game when i got to Shulva and got to the second Bonfire (mostly bc of life reasons but also because almost every enemy in the area is so resistant to dark and actually immune to poison in Shulva and that's exactly my build), but i beat all of Shulva finally, today. Sinh took me five tries, mostly just bc i kept missing his legs and getting hit while healing and not having enough HP to tank more than one attack, but apparently he's weak to dark, so it was a pretty easy fight, just a little hard to keep track of him sometimes when he flew up. and getting to the triple boss was harder than just fighting them, like i even tried using the NPC summons but they were not very great and lost like a third of their health just getting to the boss, because the summon signs are at the opening of the area instead of close to the fog door, and the two times i did get them in healthy, i died bc of the archer sniping me or me getting caught by an attack by Havel in the water, but ultimately i just decided to beat the boss myself and slightly cheese the two of them with dark fog because it was easier than the other thing i was imagining doing, which was clearing out the area of enemies by despawning them so the NPC summons could get to the boss door faster and easier, and i just couldn't be bothered after like dying to the enemies ten times, and even getting petrified twice bc of the statues and the walking statues which are so fucking annoying and just take so much time to clear out with a bow. like they're harder to hit than the fucking crystal lizards. they should've just despawned like after five kills bc it was so irritating trying to clear them repeatedly. i eventually despwaned one group of enemies at the top since i was doing it in small chunks instead of risking my souls too much, but at the end i got bored, decided to risk it and just beat the boss on like the third real try (two other tries were corpse runs, one of which i failed and lost 30K souls).

but Shulva was a fun area overall, like i think i actually really enjoyed the DLC for the most part, and the level interactions with the switches and the ghostly knights and stuff was actually fun, and aesthetically it's really pleasing too, (though those dinosaur enemies at the bottom were a bad idea bc they're just so spongy i got tired of even trying to kill them). only part i didn't like (besides how far the bonfire for the triple boss was) was the part where enemies were super resistant to my build, but that's more a me thing than the game thing. i'm sure melee builds or other magic/ranged builds probably had an easier time bc they're not stretched as thin as my build and the enemies probably aren't as resistant.

oh also, beat Elana second try (died to gravity bc of bad platforming more than i died to her lol) with Benhart just for fun, since i've already finished his quest, but yeah, i actually like all 3 boss fights, i think Sinh is definitely the most interesting of the bunch, the triple boss would be so much easier to appreciate if the bonfire was closer to the fog door and in that alcove with the light, or if it didn't have so many fucking statues trying to petrify you, but i still think it's an interesting challenge of positioning and situational awareness, and they're not so spongy that it gets tiring to do, like i think i took them down in under 5 minutes, and Elana's summon thing was nice, though i only got skeletons every time. i know she can summon Velstadt which would've been cool, especially with Benhart there but eh. it was a fun fight still, though i wish the curses were more interesting besides just taking your health like cutting stamina regen or preventing healing or whatever, like the damage is fine, but idk, feel like she could've had a few more interesting mechanics.

anyway, started working on Brume Tower next since that was the next DLC that came out, and died bc of a bad roll a little bit after the section with the exploding guys, when you're descending the ladders. the guy throwing firebombs caught me at a weird angle, i tried to lock on and rolled wrong and died, so that's where i'm stopping for the day, probably pick back up tomorrow or sometime next week. already closed the game so no stat update, but i'll grab them the next time i boot it up again.

playing the original Dark Souls 2 again (not Scholar) for the first time in forever, the hormones slider in advanced character creation always kills me. Dark Souls 2 was saying trans rights before any other game in the series.

[a-neru-neru]

it's his suit for fontaine

[zeropro]

So I’ve seen you draw and tag a couple of different ships, just wondering which are your favorite???

Love your art btw :D

Thank you!

I don’t have a specific ship i'm particularly loyal to, so I guess I’ll rate them and also provide my own headcanons:

(disclaimer i dont know ship names so imma just try my best)

Trine-shipping: yes, put the three of them together, I don’t care. familial, sexual, romantic, platonic, its all good. I go crazy seeing them stand next to each other in the cartoon what do you want from me.

thunderwarp: I see this one a lot and I quite like it. these two being mates with starscream doing his own thing kinda makes sense considering starscream has a bunch of other ships. also makes it fun when something happens to one of them and starscream is left in the awkward position of having to deal with that.

thunderstar: been thinking about this one more lately. they’re like foils to each other. thundercracker’s a good boy to starscream’s bad boy, and he does such a concern about all the morally dubious stuff starscream gets up to. but at the same time, he admires starscream’s ambition and rizz and starscream the kinda bot that would pull you so high if you followed him. I think out of anyone, starscream is the closest to actually trusting thundercracker. 

starwarp: i had this thought one time of what if skywarp is like the horniest asexual and starscream is the most traumatized aromantic, and how would that even work XD nothing solid in the works just an idea that I had. ive seen these two less often outside of trine shipping but it can be pretty hot. I like when they are being protective of each other. I always see skywarp as more emotionally open than his trinemates and starscream can use some of that open and honest emotional love and care. someone to forcfully make him accept being loved. someone who will actually push back when he’s being stupid. and with skywarp being loyal to megatron, so much angst potential for both of them.

starbee: im a sucker for the whole ghost bee starscream dynamic. I already made a post about these two, and after all this time I still really enjoy this ship. I think characters that don’t actually like each other at first but grow into a mutual respect is so tasty. I think some people don’t like the ship because they headcanon bee as too young? well, starscream is actually younger in my fic lmao, but also they’re like 6 million years old and are born with full adult processing capabilities, I don’t think age matters here :P its less about intimacy for me anyway. I like them together because of how much it takes to get there. 

starwavewave: okay this one is 100% fueled by tfone but guyssss guysss theyre married and megatron is their son and im just aaaagh dont seperate them! such a kookie dynamic, the cool headed soundwave, the emotionally volatile shockwave, the arrogant yet cowardly starscream, all being fail dads to their little scamp leader. hahaha. high command polycule 

megastar: gasp, rated above skystar. yes, I just find this dynamic more interesting. I like an abusive ship sometimes for the angst but I also enjoy seeing megatron when he isnt abusive? kinda catharsis maybe. I read a fic once where the war is over and starscream invites megatron to one of optimus’ high profile parties and is appalled at megatron showing up in robot equivalent of underdressed, meanwhile megatron the working class miner is like “I washed, what else was I supposed to do” XD and I just love that haha. theres just so many ways to take it. I wont be doing any megastar in my au, I just tag anything that has megatron and starscream interacting with megastar cuz thats the dynamic to me

skystar/jetstar: iddkkkkk i know this is the most popular ship but it’s just!! idk! its not as interesting to me haha. I love this as a past ship, they were roommates in college, starscream opened himself to someone, chose to become close and then was hurt by it. just another wound on starscream’s spark before he ever even meets megatron. I don’t think theyd get back together after the ice. idk how well I can write this so I’ll just explain how it happens in my au here: skyfire died and starscream created this version of skyfire in his mind that was perfect, he memorialised him because he was dead! you just cant live up to how someone remembers you. I think that was part of the reason why starscream reacts so badly when skyfire “betrayed” him. unlike thundercracker, skyfire knows how to set healthy boundaries. not to mention he’d been on ice for four million years, lost his entire life, everyone he knows, and his entire civilisation, planet, and culture to a war he had no part in. bot’s gonna be upset. pissed off even. skyfire shouldnt have to be some soft sparked punching bag for starscream, he’s kind and a pacifist but he’s also going to get upset and have feelings. I think starscream’s betrayal would hit pretty hard, he’d gonna be upset about how much starscream’s changed, how much damage starscream helped cause during the war, and also starscream shooting him in the back for wanting to protect the native wildlife! when they properly talk to each other again it’s going to be heated on both sides, and I think after some hard work from both sides they could end up in a place where they are willing to be friends again, but I don’t think they’d conjunx. skystar isnt end game to me, but it is canon and an important part of the story

starop: I think ive read one fic where I really liked this ship. it’s just such a random pairing. my initial reaction is just noooo optimus prime?? but that guy’s everyone’s dad! Ive been told a big part of it is they’re both megatron’s ex’s and that’s pretty funny. not for me sadly haha (opxmegatronoldmanyaoiotpfrfr)

starjack…wheelstar? whatever the starscream and wheeljack one is. I’m not into this one. I see where people are coming from with it, but wheeljack isnt an interesting character to me. they can be science bros tho

starscream and windblade: ive seen this like once or twice. not for me. windblade is like, starscream’s daughter or something idk XD 

soundstar: uuuh i dont see it. sorry! i legit have no thoughts on soundstar. theyre coworkers XD. ive seen fics where the seekers are really young and soundwave moms them, and that’s really cute. okay, I like soundwave as a caretaker if the seekers are young, but yeah I don’t think I understand this one. 

shockstar: nooooooo. tho ironically theres more canon content there to fuel this one than soundstar (is this emotion?) but still no XD I don’t even hate shockwave! let him be sunstorm’s dad, that’s cute. but no, shockewave too creepy. no ship. they are also coworkers

what other ship is there even? oh yeah

starprowl: this is apparently a really popular ship?! I guess in a way prowl is sort of like the autobot’s starscream, undermining his leader, arrogant, willing to do the dubious play. they’re both ruthless. I like this one better than starjacked, but its still an odd pairing to me.

oh! knockout and starscream, i can kinda see it? like, as a rebound after breakdown? I like knock out and breakdown, so I’d only see these two as like friends or if something happened to breakdown. they’re a LOT of fun when they interact tho heh heh, perfectly clashing personalities

on the topic of tfp, I guess starscream and arcee is a ship? I can see this similar to my enjoyment of starbee, they’d have to work reeaally hard for this one to work but they have had potentially positive interactions in the show (before starscream screws it up) so its possible in a better world where starscream doesnt suck they could become friends. him killing cliffjumper is gonna be a huge hurdle tho! 

dont talk to me about airachnid

do people ship starscream and ratchet? I don’t ship it, but I do really like interactions between them. starscream is so terrible but he also gets hurt a lot. ratchet is grumpy and prejudice but he’s the best doctor and he’ll fix him up! I like when something terrible happens to starscream and ratchet cant help but feel bad for the guy. that’s the good stuff.

lastly i have been asked a few times on trinebee. im assuming this is bumblebee and the trine. i hadnt thought about it but it makes sense! if youre a starbee shipper, but you also support trine propaganda, then it only makes sense to bring bee into the trine. also bee and thundercracker are friends! the only ones who havent really had any interaction is bee and warp, and honestly idk if I see those two getting along but bumblebee is everybody’s friend so XD I’m sure it’ll work out!

and i think those are all the thoughts i have on the ships! 

no hate on anyone who ships any of these!!! you all do what you do, these are just my opinions, and honestly I’m just not a huge shipper to begin with haha. I am…unsure if there will be any shipping content in my au, I write my scenarios very much “canon but to the left” and so it comes out very sex-less because romance and intimacy is just not the type of content I’m in the business of writing. but, idk, i think about it sometimes. sometimes I think about the end of chapter one of thundercracker’s origin, the night starscream took thundercracker out on a not-date. i think, who knows, in some version of the story maybe they shared a kiss? maybe they went back to the apartment and things went further? maybe. but of course, in every version of the story, starscream is gone the next morning. 

happy valentrine’s day!

[rekino2114]

Accidentally switching jerseys with the PXG girls

A/n:Blue lock is my current obsession, and I frankly can't wait to get to the requests about it (keep them coming), so I wanted to do more posts in the meantime

Fem!rin itoshi

The exact moment rin entered the female locker room all of the eyes in the room turned to look at her, surprised to see her being late, but just as quickly as they turned towards her they looked away seeing her turquoise eyes glare at all of them.

She took a seat on one of the benches and began to open her bag. No one dared to sit near her or even talk to her, well, everyone except a certain devil girl who just happened to have chosen the spot next to her

"Hey rin-rin, how are you doing today?"

"Shut up"

"So cold, I just wanted to check on you, why were you late anyway?"

"None of your business"

"I bet you were with y/n. He's late too, apparently"

When your name was mentioned, your girlfriend stopped pulling what she needed out of the bag and turned to glare at shidou (I can't think a name for genderbent him)

"I thought I told you it was none of your business pink antenna head"

"Seems like I'm right on the money then, not that I'm surprised he's basically the only thing you care about except for football"

"Do you want me to kick you now or during the match?"

"During the match please~ so you can get a red card and fuck off"

Rin just sighed and started taking off her shirt so she could put her jersey on

"We're going against a bunch of lukewarm NPCs anyway. As far as I'm concerned, y/n and i shouldn't even be here. This is just training for me, that's why we were late"

She finished getting dressed and started walking towards the field, turning to look at shidou when she saw she wasn't moving and staring at her

"What's wrong? You scared? Move it you annoying flashy bug"

"Okayyyyyy Mrs. L/n~"

The younger itoshi froze solid for a second before turning again and staring at her teammate with the deadliest glare she could muster

"What did you just call me, you shitty exploding pest?"

"I mean, that is what's written on your jersey. I knew you hated your last name because of sae, but I didn't know you got married. Congratulations!"

"Eh?"

She quickly took off the jersey what she was wearing and turned it around only to see that not only was it not the number 9, but your last name was written on it too

"We are not married! This is y/n's jersey"

"Oh, what a shame, be sure to give me an invite when you do though~ Oh and invite sae too"

"You two are the last people I'd like to see at my wedding"

"So you are getting married!"

"Shut up! How did this even get here?"

She looked inside the bag again, more closely this time, and found a bunch of your stuff she sighed again and looked back up

"This is y/n's bag. We must have taken each other's by accident when we were meditating together before"

"Wait how did you not know which bag was yours?"

"..............."

"Wait don't tell me. You have matching bags? Oh my God you are so in love!"

Rin turned towards shidou again, this time with a slight blush on her face

"I told you to shut up! I'm gonna give this to y/n now"

"Sure make sure to say hi to your future husband for me"

The blue lock n°1 just glared at her and put your jersey back on to go outside to the guys dressing room.

When she entered the same chilly atmosphere that she had on the other room could be felt here by everyone, except for you who when you saw your girlfriend just smiled and went up to her

"Hey rin, don't worry, I'm still changing we'll be out shortly"

Her gaze softened when it landed on you but immediately went back to her cold glare when she looked back at everyone else

"Turn around or I'll kill you"

Out of fear all of the male members of PXG did as she said and when she saw that rin started to take off your jersey again

"W-wait rin what are you-"

"This is yours"

".........Eh?"

"The one you're wearing is mine"

She held out the shirt to you as you looked at your own

"Oh yeah I guess you're right sorry"

"It's fine, I didn't notice it either, now take it off"

"Yep!"

You did as she told you as rin looked at you (her eyes locked a bit too much on your muscles) and blushed slightly but looked away to hide it

"Here you go!"

She took the jersey from your hands and gave you yours, now you started dressing at the same time

"Sorry again about that, I should have checked it"

"I already told you it's fine, plus I didn't mind it that much"

"Hm? Why?"

"No reason, let's go now, the other team is waiting"

"Ok"

You started walking outside, and rin looked back at your smile and beautiful face for a bit......maybe in the future, she wouldn't mind actually having your last name

Fem!shidou ryusei

Rin stood with her arms crossed in the dressing room. She sighed and tapped her foot as she got increasingly angry

"If she's this late again I'm telling Loki to play without her"

She finally opened her eyes when she heard the door open and shidou come out of it

"Yo!"

Her cheery smile quickly morphed into a look of confusion when she looked around the room, noticing that all of the girls were still there

"The match didn't start yet?"

"It didn't start because you weren't here idiot"

"Pffft how boring"

She threw her bag on the bench and started opening it carelessly

"And I thought me and y/n could hang out a little more"

"Some of us take our football careers seriously, and showing up on time is a part of that"

"Hey I'll have you know i take football very seriously!"

"Half of the things you say during matches would disagree"

"It's just because i get reeaaaaaaly excited about it, and also, y/n is there. How do you expect me to focus when the handsomest guy ever is just standing in the middle of the field? It takes all my strength not to start making out sloppy style with him when he scores"

Rin felt like gagging after the image that shidou put in her mind but she resisted the urge and ended up just rolling her eyes

"Then maybe we should take him off the team"

Her remark was met with shidou's shirt flying in her face, making a visible tick mark appear on it

"No way! If you take him off then I'm leaving too!"

She took off the clothes from her face and was met with shidou finally dressed in her jersey

"I was joking, also don't throw your dirty clothes in my face"

"Wow~ I didn't know you had a sense of humor. Also, it's not dirty, I take very good care of myself and my clothing you know? It's one of the many things y/n loves about me"

"Whatever, let's just go"

"Wait, serious question, is it just me, or does the jersey feel tighter today?....not that I mind, maybe my curves grew even more~"

"........oh my God, you're even more of an idiot than I thought"

"What? You jealous"

"That's not your jersey"

".........what?"

"Y/n's last name is on it. It's not even your number, how did you not notice?"

The devil girl took off the jersey she was wearing and looked at the back

"Oh yeah it is"

"Dumbass"

"Whatever I'm gonna keep it"

"Why?"

"It's a nice touch. That way, anyone can see me and y/n are a couple"

"With what you do on the field I'm sure everyone already knows, go give it back to him and take yours back"

"You're no fun bottom eyelashes, I knew you didn't have a sense of humor"

"Just go"

"Okaaaaaayyyyy~"

"And don't flash anyone!"

"Y/n doesn't count right?"

"Go!"

Shidou stuck her tongue out at rin and went with her arms over her head. When she reached the men's locker room she entered and immediately hugged you

"Hiiiiiiii babe"

"O-oh hey shidou, what's up?"

"We might have a little bit of an issue"

"What?"

"We switched jerseys"

".......did we?"

"Yep, look!"

She turned around (giving you a nice view and winking in the meantime), and you saw that her jersey was actually yours, with your number and last name on it

"Oh yeah it is, sorry"

"Don't worry, to be honest, I wanted to keep it like this, but that bottom eyelashes jerk said we had to change"

"Oh"

You took off the jersey as shidou's eyes immediately drifted all over your body while she was licking her lips

"Looking good handsome!"

You blushed but thanked her and gave her the jersey

"Thank youuuu"

She kissed your cheek and was about to take her own shirt off when she was that everyone was looking at her

"Hey, you extras! Close your eyes before I rip them off myself. There's only one guy who can see me, and he's right here"

The guys did as she said and she continued undressing and dressing in her own jersey while you tried your best to look away

"OK now that that's taken care of"

She wrapped one arm around you and kissed your cheek again

"Let's go destroy these fuckers!"

"Heck yeah!"

You two kissed briefly and started walking towards the field still side hugging each other while rin glared at you from the other side

Fem!Charles chevalier

Charlotte ran quickly through the hallway of the stadium's interior until she reached the door of the girls' dressing room that she opened and walked inside

"Waaaaaaait, I'm here! Don't start without me! 👿"

"About time"

"Pardon~ me and y/n were having breakfast and lost track of time just don't tell loki"

"I don't care what you and your boyfriend do, just show up on time"

"I mean, this is what happens when we have a match so early. You can't expect me to wake up this early👿"

"Just shut up and get dressed"

"OK egoist!"

She went over to a bench and started doing as rin said. When she was fully dressed, she went behind the striker and tried to fist bump her, which she coldly refused

"👿"

Suddenly a knock was heard on the door, everyone turned towards it as rin spoke

"Who is it?"

"It's y/n, I have something to give Charlotte"

Rin rolled her eyes but gave you the ok to come as Charlotte smiled widely at your presence, a smile that grew even wider when she saw that you were shirtless

"Y/n~😈"

"What is it?"

"I have Charlotte's jersey here"

"Hm but she's wearing-"

When rin turned towards the midfielder she saw she was sweating and when she looked at the back of her jersey she understood why

"..........you took the wrong jersey?"

"Sorry, it must have been because we were in a hurry, pardon, pardon👿!"

"It's fine, just get yours now"

She walked towards you and looked at you still with that wide smile of hers showing off her fangs

"Here you go"

You handed her the jersey and she took it"

"Merci😈"

You turned around as she started changing again she called you when she finished and gave you your own jersey which you started to put on immediately

"........why are you looking at me like that? You're not mad at me, are you?"

"I mean.....this is kind of your fault"

"I'm sorry it was an accident, I already apologized like 4 times"

".....yeah but-"

"😈"

".........fine I can't stay stay mad at you when you're like that"

"Thank you😈"

She immediately went to hug you as you hugged back. When you pulled back, she pouted a bit but started following you outside

"But you're gonna have to give me a lot of good passes to apologize ok"

"Don't I already do that~😈"

"Yeah you do"

"Then don't worry, those passes are gonna be amazing"

"Just remembere to grab your own stuff next time, ok contrarian?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know sorry, don't worry there's not gonna be a next time😈......probably"

You sighed but held her hand and walked outside with her

[bbina]

after rereading your conversation with wonbin, the realization dawns upon you that this was the very first time you're inviting someone who isn't giselle, karina and seunghan over at your place

the only reason why you even invited him over in the first place was that he claims that shotaro is currently bringing someone over at their place (whatever the fuck that meant) after asking wonbin if he wanted to watch a movie

you being you, you felt bad that he had no where to go (not really), so you offered your place as wonbin's place of refuge for the meantime

there was a knock on your door. you get up from your bed and open the door slightly to reveal wonbin in a hoodie and glasses. there's something about seeing him in the most casual attire you've seen him so far that made your stomach flutter unexpectedly

"woah!" you react, widening the door to let him in. "i didn't know you wear glasses" you comment, watching him scurry inside your place with his guitar bag on his back

wonbin smiles sheepishly, looking around for some space to settle his bag in without disturbing or touching any of your stuff. he hesitates for a moment, unsure if he should even settle his guitar down but in the end he does when he sees you pointing to an empty spot near the small kitchenette

"i only wear them at night" he explains, rubbing his hands on the fabric of his sweats. "thanks for inviting me over. i didn't really have a plan on where i would be staying"

you wave him off, "talk about good timing. usually around this time we would be watching a movie together so i figured why not text you" you giggle

wonbin smiles and begins to look around to take in his surroundings

you had a pretty good space all to yourself. it wasn't cramped like usual apartments. you had enough room for two people. there was a small kitchenette, a bathroom, a desk space and of course, your bed

"are you judging my cute apartment" you narrow your eyes at wonbin who was busy looking around. wonbin instantly looks at your direction and apologizes

"oh shit sorry. it's just that it's cozy in here" he murmurs, cheeks turning pink from embarrassment

you let out a loud laugh, making your way to your bed and flopping down on it

"then make yourself feel at home" you grin, grabbing your laptop

you don't see it but wonbin nods, quietly sitting on the floor. he keeps his hands to himself, unsure of what to do. he then sees you scrolling through your laptop

"are you working on something?" wonbin asks, breaking the silence, glancing at your laptop screen that had a bunch of different applications open

"just some assignments for my engineering classes but i'm too lazy to do them for now so i'm just procrastinating" you laugh, scrolling through twitter

wonbin nods, unsure of what to say next. he feels skittish for some reason. is it because he's at your place right now? the same place that he's been seeing on facetime every night for the past few days

"you can work on your music here. i don't mind" you remind him, recalling your text earlier

wonbin looks up in surprise. he isn't sure if he's ready for someone else that isn't himself to listen to his unfinished piece. he's still working on finding the perfect melody before he could start making the lyrics and all that

"i don't want to disturb you" wonbin awkwardly says, fidgeting with his hands. wonbin is taken a back when he hears you scoff

"it's fine. i want to listen to you play guitar in real time anyway too so it’s the best of both worlds i think" you chirp, glancing at wonbin who was looking back at you

wonbin chuckles after hearing your reason. he raises his hands up in surrender

"fine if you say so" he says, reaching over for his guitar bag to pull out his guitar

your eyes widened in awe when you see his guitars were filled with stickers

"cute guitar!" you comment, moving close to the edge of your bed so you could see the guitar more up close

wonbin smiles, "thanks. i've been adding stickers to it recently after seeing anton's laptop. you should see it one day, it's absolutely filled with to the brim" he says, picturing anton’s laptop in his head

"if i have a sticker, can i put one?" you ask, reaching over to touch the said stickers on his guitar

"sure thing" he smiles, watching you run your fingers through the endless amount of stickers stuck on his guitar

you pull your arm back as you now wait for wonbin to start playing

while you wait for wonbin, you slowly start to become hyper aware that wonbin is in your apartment right now. you never really invited anyone else over, minus your ex boyfriend of course so this lot feels a little odd to say the least

it feels different in a sense because before the only person you had over that wasn't karina, giselle or seunghan was your now ex boyfriend, gyuvin.

inviting people over to your apartment in general just feels personal, so intimate that you'd let them see the real you

so having wonbin over despite just meeting fairly recently is a huge feat. that means you actually feel comfortable around him to even invite him over in the first place. something that took you a while to even reach with your past lover

hold on, why are you suddenly comparing wonbin and your ex right now?

your train of thought gets interrupted by the sound of wonbin strumming his guitar

your head shoots up hearing the way wonbin effortlessly plays the guitar like it was his second nature. the way his fingers danced over the strings, filling up the whole place with a catchy tune

"funny you said that all the love is gone.." wonbin starts to sing

your eyes widened. this was the very first time you're hearing him sing in person. who knew he would sound better in person than a voice note that he sent a few nights ago. so much that you couldn't take your eyes off of him

wonbin continues to sing effortlessly, even hitting the high notes of the song as you attentively listen to him. once in a while, his eyes would meet yours before returning back to the strings of his guitar causing you to smile wider each time it would happen

"you can have my heart, but baby don't let me down" wonbin finishes, strumming his guitar one last time before finishing the song

you clap your hands together, cheering him for his performance

"oh my god you sound amazing! even better in person!" you gush, praising wonbin like there was no tomorrow. wonbin couldn't help but blush at the amount of compliments you were throwing his way. it feels way different when there's only one person to compliment you instead of a whole block of students

"oh shut up" he murmurs, hiding his face away from you, making you laugh

"hey! you should be thankful i complimented you! i just don't compliment anyone" you laugh, motioning him to not hide his face away from you

you then get the urge to steal his glasses. while he was trying to look away, you take this time to steal them. wonbin eyes widened and lets out a small gasp when you slide his glasses off his face, even more so when he sees you putting them on

"these don't have prescription?" you ask, checking the lenses if they altered your sight

"it's anti blue light radiation" wonbin says, "i'm always on my phone at night so it helps to keep the radiation away from my eyes" he explains, watching you wear his glasses in front of him

wonbin watches the way you were posing in front of him with his chunky frames. the same frames he doesn't wear often, let alone let anyone see him wearing them but yet here he was, wearing them in your presence

he won't lie right now, but you look good wearing his glasses

wonbin mentally slaps himself on the face for even thinking of such thing. to distract himself, he starts to mindlessly play the guitar again. strumming random chords to mask the slight growing tension in the air

"so what song was that you played?" you ask, thinking about how you're gonna add the song he just sang to your playlist

"don't let me down by leroy sanchez" wonbin answers absent mindedly, his focus fixrd on his guitar only

you let out a hum as you continue to listen to wonbin's strumming. this shit could honestly lull you to sleep if you were being honest right now

suddenly, you get an idea

"sit here" you say, patting the spot next to you on the bed

wonbin's eyes almost pop out of their sockets the way you just casually just asked him to sit next to you. he opens his mouth to say something but closes it instantly. making him look like a fish out of water

"teach me how to play please" you plead, pulling the puppy eyes on him (you're not really sure why you did that but whatever)

wonbin gulps, unsure of what to do or say. he's never taught anyone one on one before. let alone the opposite gender

"didn't you say i can ask you to teach me? are you chickening out now, mr. applied music?" you raise an eyebrow, playfully calling him out. if you remembered correctly, he did say you can ask him to teach you

realizing that you were right, he slowly gets up from your floor to sit at the very edge of your bed with his guitar on his lap

you wanted to laugh at how awkward he was. the real life wonbin is so vastly different from his online persona. it's like you were with different wonbin

"i'm not gonna bite you, i promise" you hold in your giggles, watching him act like a robot with the way his moves were calculated. he was far from your reach that your skin wouldn't be touching his

".. sorry. i'm nervous" wonbin manages to choke out, making you burst out giggling

"what's there to be nervous about?!"

"being at your place and all for the first time. sorry, i'm not used to it" he apologizes again

"oh my god. don't apologize. i was just joking" you wave your hands. who knew wonbin would be the one that's easily flustered in real life, "so when do we start our lesson?"

wonbin snaps out of his little daze after hearing your question. right, he was gonna teach you how to play guitar. that's why he's sitting on your bed, in your apartment, for the first time

he carefully moves his guitar from his lap onto yours. you happily accept the guitar as you put your arms where they should be when it comes to handling guitars

wonbin looks at the way you were holding his guitar before he fixes your position. he gently moves your arm a bit where they would be comfortably holding the neck of his guitar. your skin feels like it was on fire with just his gentle grazes

"you hold it like that" he says softly, eyes fixated on your arm

you nod your head yes, forcing yourself to concentrate while you wait for the next instruction

"now i'm gonna teach you the three basic chords. it's C major, D major and F major" wonbin starts, trying to reenact how he would hold it so he could move your fingers

you couldn't help but look at wonbin's face the way he was calmly teaching you the mere basics of the guitar. the way he was so focused and totally in his element. you almost feel a little distracted at the sight. the way his eyebrows were furrowed, eyes focused on your hands. the way his plump lips slowly jutted out as he concentrates–

wonbin looks at you for permission before moving your fingers to the right placements for the first chord he was teaching you which was C major. you smile, letting him take control. his fingers wrap around yours and gently moves them into the right position, causing you to blush a little at the close proximity

"now strum" he instructs and you do

you let out a little squeal when you hear the chord you were strumming

"i just played a note!" you gush, repeatedly strumming to hear the same chord over and over again

"yes you did. good job" wonbin laughs. the way you were so excited despite it being the most basic thing in the world was infectious to wonbin

"now i'll teach you D major and F major" wonbin says, moving onto the next part of his little makeshift lesson

it goes on like this for what seems like a while. just wonbin teaching you the basics of guitar

you've been going at it for a while now that you can feel your fingers start to hurt from pressing down on the strings

wonbin senses that you were about to give up the way you kept hissing and looking at your fingers that now had dents on them from pressing the strings too hard. he wordlessly gets the guitar off your lap

"okay lesson is over for today. i'll teach you again next time" wonbin says

you let out a sigh of relief as you lie down on your back. you raised your hands up in the air, relaxing your fingers after holding them in the different and difficult positions (for a beginner like you) for a while

"my fingers hurt" you pout, complaining at the dull ache. who knew playing guitar for the first time would actually hurt?

wonbin laughs, and steals a glance

"it's not for the weak" he comments, snickering to himself when he notices you sit back up and frown at him

"you calling me weak?" you challenge, an eyebrow raised as you attempt to stare him down which only just makes wonbin laugh harder

"that was just the basics. how much more if we continued onto a more complicated lesson" wonbin muses

"then that means you just suck at teaching!" you retort, poking your tongue out at him. wonbin snorts and legitimately laughs out loud. his laugh was so contagious that you also started laughing

when both of your laughter slowly dies down, the room falls silent again but it was the silence that you always somehow find yourself in with wonbin. the comfortable kind of silence

you've never felt more at ease in times like this. which in most cases, it’s rare. usually if it falls silent in a group setting, there would be awkward pauses or awkward stares but with wonbin, it just feels different

wonbin starts to play the guitar again. soft music becoming background noise that compliments your shared silence. the gentle strumming that's creating some sort of bubble between the two of you

you smile as you slowly scoot next to him, your head barely above his shoulder as you lean over to watch his fingers dance on the strings again

"i don't think i'll ever get tired of telling you that you play so well" you murmur, glancing at wonbin, whose gaze is fixated on his guitar. wonbin suddenly looks up and you two make eye contact

you suddenly remembered that you were wearing his glasses so you take them off and slowly but carefully put them back on his face. you feel yourself smile as you gently adjust his glasses on his nose while he was busy strumming away on his guitar

your fingers linger on his face for more than a second and your eyes meet again. you can feel that there was a shift in the air. almost like there was a spark between the two of you. so much that you wonder if wonbin feels it too

wonbin bites his lip, ignoring the way he can feel your body heat with the way you were suddenly so close to him. he’s suddenly hyper aware of his surroundings especially when you two are on your bed

it feels like the world has suddenly stopped spinning for the both of you. the tension was so palpable that it feels so intimate

maybe it’s the way that you are so close to wonbin that it was slowly driving him insane. he suddenly stops playing as he couldn't concentrate anymore. his thoughts infiltrated by you

you’re all he could think about in this very moment. the way you’re up in his personal space, the way you’re suddenly the only person he can think of, the way you look so kissable right here, right now

wait a second, kissable?

you and wonbin make eye contact again. there was a glint of something you couldn't pinpoint in his gaze that it made your heart pound against your chest

is it just you or did the room suddenly feel hot? was the ac not working?

"can i kiss you?" wonbin suddenly blurts out in the heat of the moment

the air around you was thick with tension. both hearts hammering against your chests. wonbin's eyes flickered back and forth from your eyes to your lips as you stare at him in shock

you sit there in front of him dumbfounded by his sudden question. it was like the air was knocked out of your lungs

wonbin sets the guitar aside, his eyes still directed towards yours. you can see the way his gaze darkened at that very moment like he just found his prey. which in this case, was you

slowly the realization was slowly catching up to him. wonbin internally winces at the way he asked so casually and direct

he can feel his heart stuck on his throat as he anticipated your answer. he was silently wishing you'd say yes because if you were to reject then well.. this is awkward–

"i thought you'd never ask" you say quietly, voice barely above a whisper, leaning closer and closer til you can feel his hot breath fan your face

he lets out a shaky exhale of relief at your answer as he slowly reaches to cup your cheeks

"is that a yes?" wonbin asks in a low voice, eyes directly boring into your soul

instead of answering, you crashed your lips against his.

alone together ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 . . . different

── taking comfort in the thought that you are together in aloneness through late night talks, heartfelt confessions, and a genuine connection. with your shared experience of recent heartbreaks, you wonder if getting together would be all worth it. in which you find solace in each other's company, that you are alone together.

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꩜ notes .ᐟ did i jus change the trajectory of their lives forever

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[lycheeloving]

a concept I've been rotating in my head for a really long time now is an AU where the entire Justice League is yandere... with multiverse stuff, because I'm still me <3

They have some sort of machine in the Watchtower that can be used to contact and monitor other universes and even open portals, they've been in contact with a bunch of other Justice Leagues and help each other out in case of extreme emergencies.

However, they all spend a lot of time at the machine doing things unrelated to what it's supposed to be used for. They each watch a different civilian in a different universe, are basically obsessed with them, you could even say they're stalking them... They all try to do this secretly, as they're aware that this isn't exactly behavior that's seen as normal and healthy (and morally sound). Some of them are more successful at hiding it than others.

I imagine Batman would be the first to connect the dots that they're all obsessed with someone, gather evidence of everyone doing this, call everyone to a meeting and confront them with said evidence, only to then reveal that he's been doing the same thing...

And then he suggests bringing their obsessions here, as this behavior has caused them all to be distracted and get worse at their Justice League business, but if their darlings were here, they would no longer have to worry if they were safe or not! Additionally, as they're all from different universes, nobody would think to accuse the Justice League of this universe to be responsible for the kidnappings, nobody would be able to even connect the dots that the kidnappings are related! Batman tries to make it seem like he's suggesting this because he's worried about their performance, and not because he wants to get his darling closer to him, close enough to finally touch.

Everyone eagerly agrees, of course (after getting over the embarrassment of "Oh shit, Batman saw me stalking someone"). After some preparations, like choosing and remodeling rooms so the objects of their affections will hopefully feel comfortable being kept there (well, as comfortable as possible, considering the circumstances), they all work together to discreetly relocate all of their darlings from their original universes to their new home, the Watchtower in this universe.

Each darling gets their own room (that they share with their yandere, of course), but there's also rooms that are accessible to all of them, like a living room, a kitchen, etc, so they don't have to be alone when their yandere is out on patrol.

Everyone in the League tries to justify it to themselves by repeating how they're helping so many people, they've never asked for anything in return, they deserve this, but subconsciously they're all aware that what they're doing is not ok, they just don't care enough about that to stop. It's too late for that now anyways, their darlings are already here, they can't just return them!

I want to write something about what it's like to be the darling of the different members of the league at some point (and about the darlings escaping], but that might take a while, we'll see. Feel free to suggest Justice League members I should include though, I haven't quite decided about who exactly I want to be involved in this AU (other than the obvious Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman. and probably Flash)

I've already written for: Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Superman

date night

flirting / threesome with a different hero

[blueaprondelight]

lost in translation | carmen berzatto

you get a job working as a waitress at the bear. if only you knew it would get you here. ─ 3.68k ─ angst and fluff, breakups / fighting, some cursing, reader is younger then carmy.

THE STRANGERS PHASE

The first time you and Carmen met was when Nat and Richie had hired you as part of the Bear staff. 

A waitress, and a sweet looking one at that. Younger than him. "You guys finally settled on a candidate?" Carmen asks as Natalie and Richie watch you from the small window in the kitchen.

You sit there for a moment before adjusting the silverware, passing Richie's test almost immediately. "I believe we just did." Nat confirms. Carmen takes a look for himself and swears his heart skips a beat as he watches you for a brief moment before clearing his throat, having to pull himself away. "Okay. Cool." He brushes it off.

He didn't get the chance to meet you right away, not until the night before their soft opening. You'd been through training, getting used to the system at the Bear and getting accompanied with staff. All but one. The head chef and owner, 'Carmy' as everyone called him.

"Hey, you're the new hire, right?" A voice asks as you shut your locker. You jump a bit, as you turn, smiling. "I am." The male nods, holding out his hand. "Sorry about scaring you. I'm Carmen Berzatto, don't think we've had the chance to meet." He introduces.

You accept the handshake, swearing you feel a little spark between you two just from touching him.

───

From there, it was like clockwork. You and him would get stuck closing together, and each night you'd dive into a new part of his past. "So, what made you wanna open this place?" You question. He exhales, momentarily pausing his movements of scrubbing the counters before he sniffles. "My brother left it to me after his death."

You pause, staring at him. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked-" He laughs. "You couldn't have known. It's okay, really. I actually wanted to work here, or what used to be here, for the longest time by his side but he didn't let me. Never knew why. It was the thing he left me in his will." He gives a more in depth answer.

You nod slowly. "I'm sorry about that, Carm. His death and not letting you work here." You specify as you look at him. "If it's any comfort, I think your brother would be really proud of what you've turned this place into." You say.

He nods, sniffling again. You set your rag back in the soapy water, sighing as you mark off your final station to clean on the clipboard.

"See you tomorrow night?" He asks as you begin walking to the lockers.

You smile. "It's a date, chef." You confirm. He blushes at the idea of you and him being on a date.

───

Carmen swore to himself he'd take you on an actual date. The planning was easy, it was actually asking you that he found to be a challenge.

"So, are you seeing anyone?" He asks, trying to sound as casual as he can the next night when you two are closing, which didn't come for almost a week. Though he was grateful, it also felt like torture having to wait to get you alone.

"No, I'm not actually. Chicago hasn't exactly been my Paris, you know? City of love and all that bullshit." You answer as you stare at the chore list for that night. "Check the mayonnaise labels. Does Nat think our mayo is expired?" You question.

“Nat thinks all of our stuff is expired one way or another. It doesn’t expire ‘till the nineteenth of May.” He grabs out a knife to start chopping the vegetables. “Anyway, Chicago isn’t really known for its romance.” He points out.

"So I've been told." You stare at the menu. "What's a vegetable medley?" You question as you look back up at him, catching him staring at you. He clears his throat and quickly sets the knife down, wiping his hands on a towel. "Uh, it's a bunch of veggies like green and yellow bell peppers, asparagus and squash topped with balsamic vinegar.” He answers.

You nod slowly. “Only you can explain something like that and make it sound so good right now, Carm.” "Did you eat today?" He doesn't hesitate to ask. "Haven't had a chance to. Richie had me running around all day with the new system, but don't worry, I'm gonna make myself something at home."

"No, come on. I'm- You're not driving home hungry like that. It’s a safety risk. Sit." You go to protest before he repeats himself. "Sit."

The entire night was spent with you and Carmen eating his way too fancy dishes and talking. Sharing memories - childhoods, dreams, stories.

He likes to consider it your first date.

You like to consider it the night you fell in love.

───

You weren't sure what you and Carmen were after that night in the kitchen. Or how to even ask. Do you just come right out and say it? Is there a specific way or time to ask? Google provided zero help, so it was up to you to solve this one.

Maybe that’s what was driving you and Carmy apart for the next week: your mind trying to run through how to even approach that with him. It wasn't until he ambushed you at your locker that you were forced to approach the topic with him. "Not talking to you all week has been driving me insane. Are we okay? If dinner was too much.." He lets his voice trail off.

You smile, as you exhale. "Carmen, I loved dinner. I was just unsure of where we stood. Thought I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out if that was a date or not." You admit. He stares at you, nodding slowly. "Let me take you out to an actual dinner. A real date night." He requests.

You nod. "Okay, I'd like that." You barely have another chance to speak before Richie's calling your name. You place a hand on Carmen's shoulder as you pass him, giving him a small smile before you rush to find out what Richie needs you for.

Carmen watches you leave, wishing you'd come back to him.

Carmen had thought of your date night perfectly. A romantic, rooftop dinner overlooking Chicago’s nighttime streets. “You bring all the girls up to your rooftop, Berzatto?” You question as you stare at the cars passing by.

“Only the special ones.” He’d answer with a grin.

You wished he kissed you that night, but he didn’t. Instead he settled for dropping you off at your apartment before leaving. You could tell he wanted to kiss you, too, but he wanted to wait.

"So, you and Carmen?" Sydney asks as you help her open the Bear that morning, cutting vegetables up with her. You sigh, a smile on your face regardless. "How'd you hear about that?" You question in return.

“It’s the Bear. There’s no such thing called secrets when you work here. Everyone knows everything about everyone. Now, you and Carmy?” She asks again as you laugh. “There’s nothing going on between us. He and I got dinner a few times, but I don’t think it’s going anywhere.” You say with a shrug.

She stares at you, noticing the blush in your cheeks. You grin. “Don’t even. Nothing has happened between us.” You reiterate. She laughs, grabbing her bucket of vegetables. "Whatever you say!"

You roll your eyes, turning and staring at Carmen in the doorway. There he goes again, staring at you when you aren't looking. It doesn't slide past you that he has a noticeable sparkle in his eyes.

───

Of course the universe would have it out for you and Carmen to close together that night. As you two stand over the counters, cleaning them down, you decide to ask the question that had been plaguing your mind.

"What are you and I?" You ask, looking up at him for the first time. His scrubbing stops, as he looks back at you. "I want us to be together." He answers honestly, and you're a bit taken back by his honesty.

“You seem like you’ve thought about this.”

“More than you know.” Translation: I’ve thought about you.

You nod slowly as you walk over to the sink, beginning to wash your hands. "I want us to be together, too. I just don't want this to be weird between us because we work together, you know." You voice your concerns as you grab the towel, drying your hands.

You turn, finding him standing behind you. "I don't care if we want us to be together. I want us to give.. us.. a chance." He says, taking your hand in his. You stare at your hands interlocked as you hum. "Carmen."

"Yes?" He asks softly.

"If you don't kiss me right now I might just walk out and not come back." You tease.

He doesn't have to be told twice, and he kisses you like he's been thinking about it. Like he's been needing that. Hands cupping your face, yours finding his waist.

You didn't need much of an answer as to what you and Carmen were after that.

THE LOVERS PHASE

You and Carmen had agreed: the staff didn’t need to know you two were officially dating. If it was important enough to share, sure. But other then that, you two wouldn’t go around publicly announcing it.

Turns out, dating Carmen wasn't much different from being friends with him. Except now you were in the kitchen at two in the morning, slow dancing with him.

It'd started with dinner that night. Him holding you from behind,

Frank Sinatra plays lowly on the radio as he spins you around, with you grinning as you sway with him. “Who taught you to dance, Berzatto?” You question.

“Nat did. Taught me for her wedding. Said if I looked like a fish outta water she’d ban me from the reception.” He answers with a lovesick grin. You laugh, throwing your head back. “Sounds like Nat.”

He smirks. “And who taught you?” He asks in return. You hum as he pulls you closer to his chest, as Sinatra’s ‘The Girl from Ipanema’ plays. “I did. Convinced myself when I was a little girl I'd be like Misty Copeland.” You answer.

He grins. Only two weeks had gone by with him being officially yours, and he was falling in love with you. Maybe that’s why it spilled out as he held you close.

“I love you.” His voice is hushed.

You pulled away only a bit to look at his eyes. Maybe searching to see if they were genuine, if he said what you think he did. "Carmen..." You smile, a laugh coming out. "I love you, too." You repeat it back to him.

"Take the too out. Makes it sound like you're just agreeing." He requests softly, lips brushing barely against yours. You giggle at his plea, but comply anyway. "Carmen, I love you." You say it again, this time it feels more real.

Two weeks in, and you two are in love. If you knew any better, you'd assume you were screwed.

───

"What do you wanna do with your life?" The question startled you as you and Carmen sat on the balcony of your apartment, overlooking downtown Chicago. Buildings illuminating the night sky, car horns blaring every few minutes from the nighttime traffic.

"I wanna open a bar. Maybe go to Los Angeles or New York, just open my own place. You know?" You hold your knees up on the patio chair with you, a cup of tea in hand. "Some dive bar but... fancier. Live music, live entertainment."

He nods slowly, grabbing out his notepad. "Get out of Chicago?" He asks. You laugh. "Pretty much. Don't get me wrong, I love this city. This just.. isn't the plan." You say with a shrug.

"Mm." He says, scribbling something down on the paper. You lean over, staring at it. "What are you drawing, Berzatto?" You question. "Nothin'. It's a surprise, if I show you it now it won't be a surprise." He points out.

You grin as you lean your head back. "Okay. What about you? Is the Bear your final dream?" You question, still looking over at him. He sets the pen down, looking over the skyline. "I don't know. Though until I met you I had all my dreams and goals figured out."

"Don't say it-"

"You're my new dream." He grins, looking over at you. You laugh, rolling your eyes. "That was unbelievably cheesy, Berzatto. I don't know if I can ever look at you the same after that." You tease.

"You don't have to look at me to kiss me." He points out as you roll your eyes, standing up. You give him a quick peck as you open the door, stepping halfway inside. "Don't take too long getting to bed, okay? It's cold out here." You comment.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." He waits until you're fully inside to pull back out the notepad. Sketched on is a logo for a bar, your bar. Your name written in what he imagines is neon lights. 'ANGEL'S BAR'. The way he views you, an angel. His angel.

He hums, standing up and making his way inside, the notepad tucked under his arm. He finds you in the living room, sorting through the mail. “Hey, hey, my old college roommate’s getting married. New York. What a terrifying city.” You laugh as you set the invite down, before his arm wraps around your waist, pulling you down to the bedroom. 

───

Carmen had spent so much time in your apartment that it practically felt like his own. So, the idea of asking him to move in wasn’t totally crazy. His clothes were now hung up in your closet, his cologne and cedarwood soap lingered.

Your relationship with Carmen had grown, so much so that you were now spending time with his family. You stood in the kitchen of the Berzatto home. Your first family dinner with them, and it had been more drama filled then a soap opera. Soft music filled the room, cinnamon roll scented candles lit making the house smell like a bakery. Your scarf hung on the staircase banister. 

"First official Berzatto dinner. How ya holdin’ up?" Sugar asks as she slides beside you, handing you a glass of wine to match her own. "Oh you know me so well. It's going.. as good as I expected it to be. Are they always this chaotic?" You question.

"Hell yes. The Berzatto family has never been calm, y'know?" She laughs. "But you seem to be fitting in nicely. And this is the first year of us doing one of these that Carmen truly seems happy, I think you're to thank for that."

You grin. "Well, as long as he's smiling." You and her watch him in the living room, chasing down the younger family members, laughing as they tackle him down to the floor.

"Yeah, well, I've seen Carmen with other girls before, and none of them have made him this happy. So, on behalf of the Berzatto family, thanks for bringing us a smiling Carmy." She raises her glass to you as you laugh, lifting yours as well.

Carmen watches as you clink glasses with Nat as he enters the kitchen. "You two doing good in here?" He asks. "Oh, we are doing wonderful. I should go find my husband." Nat says, smiling and walking out of the kitchen.

You sigh, setting your wine glass down behind you on the counter. "Hi." He greets, arms wrapped around your waist. You hum, wrapping yours around his neck. "Hey you." You reply, pressing your lips against his.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” He says quietly after he pulls away, placing his forehead against yours, closing his eyes.

You smile, placing a hand on his cheek. “I’m glad too, Carm.”

───

Arguments in relationships are common. They’re healthy, they bring growth. You and Carmen had a fair share of disagreements but never ones where he called you the name he did tonight: clingy. 

“Can you just fucking leave me be for a second?! I don’t need you crowding me and being so- so fucking clingy.” Right in the office of the Bear, as you made sure he understood what was happening with Syd’s plans. 

Now here you were, in Nat’s living room. “He probably didn’t mean it, you know?” She asks softly as she pushes some of your hair out of your face, wiping tears that fall down your cheeks. “I think he’s just been so worried about our mom, her issues and the Bear.”

“What if he did mean it though? What if.. What if he was just with me out of convenience or pity?” You voice your worries. She shakes her head. “I have never seen Carmy as happy anywhere else as he is with you. He loves you, Y/n. He wants to be with you, no one else.” She replies.

“You don’t call the people you love clingy.” You point out. She sighs, letting you lay your head on her shoulder. No matter what she said, nothing changed how you felt. Carmen thought you were clingy. Whether subconsciously or not, he thought it. 

The thought made your heart ache. 

───

You were younger than Carmen, you knew that much from the moment you met him. But it had never been an issue in your relationship, until now it seems. A simple, offhand comment about kids and marriage you had made to Syd. You wanted those things, and you wanted them with Carmy. 

That’s what landed you in this position on a cold night, with him sitting on the armchair in front of you and you on the floor, crouched to try and read his eyes. Find any sign that you could get past this. 

“We’re just on different paths. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get this close to you. And I should have stopped myself before I hurt you.” Translation: you’re still young and I can’t hold you back.

He didn’t stay after that. His clothes still hung in your closet, with you on the floor of the living room. 

Translation: what now? 

THE ENEMIES STAGE 

“So, plans for you being in New York?” Diane asks as you and her sit on the rooftop of her apartment building. You sigh, as you lean back on your chair. “Drink a lot. Forget my relationship problems in Chicago and hope for the best.” You answer with a nod.

She rolls her eyes. “Come on. You can’t expect to fix your relationship in different states without talking.” She points out as you look over at her. “When did I hire you as a relationship therapist?” You tease. “Carm and I will be fine.” 

You couldn’t find the translation anymore for what “fine” meant. 

───

The wedding was gorgeous. Diane looked stunning and her husband was the sweetest man. The sun was setting over Manhattan, as you sat at the open bar perched on the rooftop. Staring at the missed call from a familiar contact: ‘Chef’s Kiss’. Carmy. 

Maybe you had asked him for too much. Wanting kids, marriage. He’d give them to you if you asked, you knew that. But the idea of him just putting up with that just to keep you? 

You didn’t return his call or any of his texts. Instead, you kept quiet until you returned to Chicago a week later. A box perched on your apartment doorstep with your belongings. Jewelry, shirts you left at his place. All of them except for the scarf that still sat on Donna’s staircase banister.

Maybe he kept it because it smells like you. Or because it reminded him of something pure. The one thing he really knew was now gone, and the scarf was a fragment of that. 

───

It didn’t shock any of the staff at the Bear when you turned in your notice and stopped working there. Or when you took the couch you and Carmy used to sit on during late night conversations and moved it eleven hours with you to New York. Along with his hoodies, the one you wanted to keep most because it smelled like him still. 

You didn’t delete the videos or photos you had with him. It feels too real if you do. 

You stared at the kitchen. Where he used to hold you, scolding you for how you handled knives. The balcony, where he told you that you were his new dream. The living room where he’d kiss you like it was the first time. The bedroom, where some nights, he made you his own, and others he held you while you slept. 

The only thing you found in the apartment that was foreign to you? A piece of notepad paper, with “ANGEL’S BAR” drawn on the front. You stuck that in your pocket as you made your way to your car. 

It hurts to look at. It hurts to think about him. 

Now it’s just you, in your hundred square foot apartment that you share with a roommate now. You manage to delete the playlist of songs that he loved swaying with you to in early mornings in kitchen lights. You learn his favorite melody by heart: stranger, to lovers, to enemies.

─── 

Closing that chapter of your life, you focused more on opening Angel’s Bar. His logo on the front, in downtown New York. Soft piano playing as chatter fills the room, drinks being poured in the corners. 

It may have just been Carmen’s luck to find you on opening night, chatting around with the customers as he watched from the window, a familiar red scarf wrapped around his neck to help fight the cold air.

Translation: it reminds him of innocence. It reminds him of the better part of himself, the one you brought out in him.

Carmen learned to take lessons from break-ups pretty early on into his life. The one he got from you?

“Falling in love isn't for the weak. So don't try it at home.” He closes the book that he was given as an assignment for his AA class.

Maybe you were his favorite melody after all.

𓍢ִ໋🔪 ♡₊˚ 🧣・₊✧

shine on, shine on, my loves!

thank you for reading! please feel free to engage with this post by reblogging, commenting or sliding into my inbox to leave feedback! i appreciate all of you! check out my carmen berzatto masterlist here for more fanfics!

taglist ✨ (to be added please reply to this post in the comments!)

@wabi-sabi1090

@harrysmatcha

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@urdreamgirl12

@readingwithsass

@angelicflower2020

@wadupppp

- mae

[lumdays]

please notice me, prince!! ♡

au by @alli-ily << i've been meaning to join this au for a little while now hehehe

*click for better quality LMAO,,, sorry i have no idea why it's so fucked up but i did transcript the important stuff down here if you want

sir? dame? siyun (aka azul's worst nightmare)

"though they are very capable, they're quite unpopular with nobles as they tend to disobey even direct orders if they figure that there is a more efficient way to do things. they're also a little too honest for high society's taste."

siyun hails from far away lands, practically another world (hehe nod to them being a yuu). it is known that they have two younger siblings and that their parents are both well but it seems that they are no longer in contact.

...ashengrotto despises them (they give him SO many headaches, FREE HIM 🙏🙏)

some more stuff utc,, ARGHHH I BRAINROT OVER AUS LIKE THIS SO FAST💔💔💔 it's the evil manhwa lover in me

ALRIGHT SOOO.... the reason why i keep mentioning azul is because In My Head (please correct me if i'm wrong/you don't want me making up stuff HELPPP i didn't know what to go off aside that there's a bunch of kingdoms and nobles), he was accused/is suspected of embezzlement and siyun was dispatched to monitor him.

...they might as well be the bane of his existence honestly. embezzlement is likely the one crime he has yet to commit but with a highly competent knight keeping a close eye on him, it's gotten a lot harder for him to do anything that is remotely not outstanding-member-of-society material, which pisses him off to no end (...that's kinda just his own assumptions though LMAO, siyun does NOT care that much about the matters of some rich merchant,, unless someone gets hurt that is).

ANYWAYS. this made me think i should probably write down how they feel about lady ariya and prince shin

starting with lady ariya

siyun truly admires her resolve to clear her family's name. but they also can't help but feel something akin pity for her, the path she chose for herself will be long and arduous, especially alone—very few manage to walk out, head held high and pride intact. still, she seems like a promising young lady and siyun is a hopeful person, "i will assist you should you ever call for me."

prince shin (@liyuviq)

humble beginnings, big responsibilities. it's a bit presumptuous, but siyun sort of relates to the illegitimate prince. perhaps not fully—they never experienced Suddenly Being A Royal and sincerely hoped they never would, even in another universe. however, they can relate to the whiplash, the struggle to cram into a few months—no, weeks—everything the other nobles learned over the years, the stares, the whispers... they remember how it all felt, and when they look at their highness shin, they can only hope that they will rise through it all. "then again, i do know i am not your highness. perhaps you don't feel even a fraction of the dread that filled me back then—i would be very glad if so."

i hope i'm not overstepping 👉👈,, aghh also open for interactions for anyone interested hdhdhhdshd, i haven't checked the tag yet HELP

as for the hypothetical target of their affection,,, i fear it may be butler jade 💀💀........... I'M A SUCKER FOR BUTLER X KNIGHT ARCHETYPE 💔💔💔ALSO I BRAINROT OVER YUNDE 2MUCH💔AH AND quick lore rundown

i imagine their knighthood still stands in another empire—or kingdom,,, sorry my knowledge of the world building here is a little vague HDUAJHF. anyway the point is that they are skilled enough for the royal family themselves to take them under their heavy golden wing—until the ashengrotto accusations and they're given bits and pieces of their freedom back.

I'M REALLY SORRY MOOTS THIS IS JUST ME YAPPING ON AND ON..... but like this au's really sick‼️‼️‼️ tags - @heyhellohihowareyou @elenauaurs @distant-velleity @twistedwonderlandshenanigans @skriblee-ksk @sickle-stick @puowei @jadelover69 @tixdixl @nemisisnemi @angelwishess @theleechyskrunkly @chillygourami @bunniehunn @cheerleaderman UUUH DID I FORGET ANYONE.....

[reiiaokii]

love in transit

14. "to shitty relationships?"

scene fourteen in session …

megan's pov :

i took the stuff manon had bought out of the bag. soju, beer, and a bunch of snacks that seemed to be y/n's favorites. i mean, who else would eat that much turtle chips?

while we were waiting for manon to get settled, y/n beelined for the bathroom to change into something more comfortable.

"fifi, do you have any clothes i can borrow?" y/n asked as she had peeked her head out of the bathroom.

before sophia could reply, i spoke up. "wait, you can wear my hoodie. only if you want of course." i stammered. "i don't mind. it's just for a night anyways."

y/n hesitated at first, but she knew megan would only insist, so, she just agreed.

sophia, seemed to think it was hilarious. she was trying not to smile, but i could see the amusement dancing in her eyes.

once y/n came back from the bathroom, manon was finally settled, my curiosity only grew.

of course, i was curious about what had gone down between y/n and her now-ex-boyfriend, but i didn't want to pry. i figured i should respect her privacy, especially since i hadn't realized she had any boundaries to begin with.

as manon set shot glasses on the coffee table, sophia filled me in on the reason behind y/n's little 'happy hour meltdown.'

apparently, yn's ex was one real piece of work. just not in the way i'd think, not what anyone would think with how he portrays himself on campus as this little 'perfect' star student.

sophia glanced over at y/n, who was lounging with her eyes closed, head resting on a pillow. when y/n didn't comment, manon asked a question that caught me off guard, nearly making me spill the drink i was pouring.

i froze, staring at sophia and manon in shock, then at kazuha standing in the back who only shrugged.

"what?" i asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

sophia rolled her eyes with a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "don't act like you didn't hear her."

manon took the bottle from my hand, continuing to pour shots. "would you date y/n?" she asked, her tone casual despite knowing the answer all too well.

i felt my ears burn with embarrassment. "what the fuck kind of question is that?" i muttered. i wanted to quite literally shoot myself for replying like that, but i pushed on.

sophia smirked. "an honest one, we just want your opinion."

as i processed the conversation, i realized what kind of person y/n's ex must have been. i felt a surge of indignation. "no, i guess i'm not entirely against the idea," i mumbled.

sophia raised an eyebrow knowingly. "ooh, you hear that y/n?" the older filipina cooed, her voice teasing and playful.

"leave the poor girl alone you two," y/n yawns, stretching her arms up before sitting up with the help of kazuha. the small 'thank you' she mumbles right after just makes me want to hug her, which i will, at least eventually. just not in the presence of two unserious crackheads.

"i don't want to talk about it anymore. let's just keep drinking." she reaches over me who is leaning against the coffee table with my legs crossed, and takes an entire soju bottle whole instead of a glass.

every watches y/n take a lengthy swig before sinking back into the sofa.

"to shitty relationships?" manon raises her glass.

"the absolute shittiest, of relationships." y/n adds, holding the bottle up.

i have thoughts about that, but i can't let myself get too deep in them. it doesn't help with the little ( big ) crush i have on her.

i'm probably just conspiring, but i think i could be the one that would show her what real relationships are all about.

then again, like she'd give me a chance.

"get home safely, okay?" megan exclaims as she stares at the pair. kazuha smiles, nodding as she holds manon up.

"god, you're so fucking nice." manon slurs, eyes barely open. "why don't you just date y/n? she'd be so much happier. you're also, really, really hot. just a little though."

"okay!" kazuha pulls her a little roughly, glaring at the girl beneath her even though manon is completely oblivious. "time to go. thanks again for letting y/n stay over the night." she rushes out, turning before manon could say anything else absolutely ridiculous.

megan laughs as they walk away, kazuha muttering something to manon that has her wondering how much truth there is to that statement. it's a nice ego boost to find out manon, and by extension, y/n, ( somewhat ) find her 'attractive.'

after megan shuts the door, she finds y/n curled up on the couch, sophia completely knocked out right beside her.

she wonders if y/n is still awake, knowing she switched to water while the three of them continued drinking. ( kazuha not drinking anything, at all. ) megan reached over to grab one of the blankets resting on the one-seat couch, unfolding it, until y/n lets out a yawn.

"i'm still awake, y'know." y/n laughs tiredly, one eye opening that stops megan from covering her. "can we talk? just real quick, i promise you."

masterlist ᡣ𐭩 next

NOTES | slacking on posting 😪

TAGLIST | @meizinisnumberone @hiraizyo @arihiu @artrizzler19 @1luvkarina @meiphobic @meganskiendielsbtc @fruityg0rl @kristalag @sunshinez4 @vrtualstar @yazzyminny ( closed .ᐟ )

[genericpuff]

I'm honestly amazed by how well you can imitate the LO S3 art style! Have you always been good at this sort of thing or is it a skill you developed due to your work as a tattoo artist?

ahhh thank you, but ima let you in on a little trade secret -

it's literally just referencing LMAO which is a valuable skillset to have! but one that I think a lot of folks tend to overlook because they think "learning to draw" means "I need to be able to draw everything perfectly from imagination!" Which sure, learning how to draw things without needing references might be cool, but it's ultimately not the sole defining feature of a "good artist" and I think there's frankly way too much emphasis put on "drawing without references" these days because it creates this unrealistic expectation of what an artist is. Referencing is part of the process! It's important! And it's a valuable skill to have so that you can actually grow your skills beyond your own limits! Referencing is as important to the process of creating art as research is to the process of writing, you can only produce so much new stuff if you're not taking in new stuff alongside it.

Though I use this skill a lot in tattooing as well, it's mostly rooted in my animation schooling which broke me out of the habit of drawing purely from imagination and taught me how to properly reference other material for educational purposes.

And I'm sure there are people in audience right now gasping at the fact that I simply cropped a bunch of different shots of Minthe from S3 and rearranged them like some surgical madman playing with body parts-

-but this is like, the actual majority of the process when it comes to learning other art styles and this process is taught as a skill in a lot of art schools because it forces you to draw what's there rather than what you think is there. This is the basis of master studies, to learn the techniques of other artists by trying to mimic them as closely as possible. Don't know what tools that artist used specifically? Try to recreate the work anyways with your best guess. Even if you only get close but not perfect, you'll still likely learn a lot along the way and may even develop some brand NEW techniques that weren't present in the original work you're studying from.

Imagination is necessary to the creative process, but it's only part of that process, you can't suddenly learn how to draw the way other artists draw through imagination alone because your imagination is limited purely by your own lived experiences. Our brains don't come pre-installed with these skills, they can't just magically unlock the capability to "do the thing". Just like how we have to learn to follow recipes as a means to becoming a baker or learn to read the alphabet to learn how to read and write, we have to learn how to draw what we see and reference the material around us if we truly want to expand our own innermost knowledge which will allow us to draw from imagination.

Here are some other examples of studies I've done, such as my attempts to learn the art style of The Doctor Foxglove Show:

As well as a background study from S1 of LO:

And of course here are a handful of the shitloads of studies I've done to try and "figure out" how to draw Hades and Persephone from S1 of LO:

Aaaand just for the fun of it, here are some completely non-LO studies, like the ones I did of Kazuma Koda's background work and Akihiko Yoshida's character designs for Nier: Automata:

And this sorta rotoscoped ??? animatic of Mitsuhiro doing the opening jig for Still Feel by Half Alive which is 100% not done and probably never will be LOL

I'm always progressively doing studies of both LO and other media in this way so that I can update my knowledge and continue to improve my skillset.

Though, despite my best efforts to mimic the original creator's style, works like Rekindled will always have my own stylizations present, as that's just an inevitable consequence of it being made by myself and Banshriek (and the fact that we just refuse to draw worse to look more like LO because jfc so much of LO's original art, even the stuff we love, is rooted in Rachel's trial and errors lmao), but that's a feature, not a bug :') <3

So the answer is yes, the Minthe S3 redraw was done through skills I developed over time, though not necessarily through tattooing, simply through learning how to actually practice properly beyond "drawing a lot". And you can too! Draw lots, but also remember that your brain isn't naturally just going to "get better" at whatever you're trying to achieve just because you really want to achieve it. I try to avoid the mantra of "just practice" because it oversimplifies what's truly necessary to learning - having something to learn from outside of your own imagination. If you don't learn how to practice properly, then you'll just wind up repeating the same mistakes and reinforcing the same bad habits over and over again.

All that's to say, if you want to learn how to draw like a certain artist, try and recreate their art for yourself ;0 (but like also please for the love of god remember that it's for EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES, I shouldn't have to tell y'all not to copy directly off other artists' work for your own because that's just deadass stealing lmao) I know this enters the ethical dilemma of tracing, and whether or not it's a "valid" way to learn, but there's a lot of virtue in learning through referencing other artists and building new skills through them. I'm sure folks will argue that it's a 'crutch' or 'training wheels', but that's all often being touted from the perspective that crutches and training wheels... are automatically bad things and aren't meant to help people ?

Like obviously if you want to create your own thing that isn't purely "living in the shadow" of the works that inspired you, you WILL have to make that leap into the unknown. But that leap's a lot less scary to make when you have a parachute.

[vulpixisananimal]

<Null> {Mal Du Pays} [Loop] (Siffrin)

(You breathe in, and out. In, and out. In. . . Out. . . . . . In. . . . . . . . . Out. . .)

(Last night, Isabeau brought something up to you.)

("So, you know Vixul? Tall? Silver hair? Me and Ramos have been training with her together, a-anyway! I, got to talking, and, well, she's like you. I asked if SOMEONE I know could talk to her about it and, she said, well, yeah!")

(You were standing in front of the door to her room. You had been standing there for about five minutes. Your heart was pounding. Your head hurt. Your mouth dry. Why did this feel scarier than anything else you had ever done? You raise a fist.)

("Just knock on her door and say Isa sent you, okay?")

(You pause, take your hand back, breathe, then try again. And. . . You knock.)

(. . . Step, step, step, door unlock, twist of the handle, and, it was open. That tall girl, Vixul, stood there. Silver hair in a ponytail, bandage over one eye, winter clothing. She blinks seeing you, surprised.)

"O-oh! Hey, uh, Siffrin right? Caaaaan I help you with something."

". . . I, uh. . ." (You paused for a second, wishing you grabbed your hat to hide. You look away.) ". . . . Isa sent me."

". . . Oooooh, right, okay. C'mon in, bud." (She opened the door and stepped back into her room. You follow. It was like before, but a little more organized. And like before, it was chilly.)

(Vixul went over to the desk and sat down.) "Close the door, take a seat on the bed."

"Okay." (Door closed, locked, you get on the bed and sit legs crossed. Looking away.) ". . . ."

". . . . .So." (She's looking away, too.) ". . . It's. . it's alright. Hard to talk to someone about it, isn't it."

"Y-yeah. ." (You hang your head.) "Like, just, it doesn't sound. ."

"Doesn't sound real?" (You look up, Vixul continues.) "Like maybe you're making this all up or something?"

". . . Uh, y-yeah."

"And then a few seconds later there's someone screaming in your head that you're not?"

". . . Heh, yeah, that too."

"And then you wake up a few days later and suddenly oops, you just missed a whole week."

"Or being bullied for making a simple mistake?"

"GODS all the TIME." (Vixul threw her hands up dramatically.) "Please, I'm the host how about one of you take over for a bit."

". . . Huh?" (You tilt your head.) "Host? Like, the one in charge?"

". . . . Oh luna you don't know anything about this do you."

"N-not, not really. Kinda. . ." (You scratched your head.) "There's, there's four. Some of us are, a-are better at things than others. Separate memories, b-but we can share some of them. Having a kind of, mind, space, getting dizzy, it's, all so much."

"Well, you're halfway there already." (She rubs the side of her head.) "Alright, one thing at a time. What're their names? What're they like?"

"Oh, well, there's me, Loop, Mal du Pays, and Null. I'm, well, I guess the one in charge? Host?"

"Host is right, the person who deals with the day-to-day stuff."

"O-okay, then, Loop. Loop helps remember stuff, and takes over a bunch too. Mal Du Pays is, is very introverted, protective, a bit self destructive. Null is. . . Rash? Just, he just wants to get things done. Doesn't care about anything else, I think."

(Vixul nods at each name.) "Sif, Mal, Loop, Null. I nice round four, but don't feel bad if you get more, okay?"

"I-I could, get more?!?" (You tugged at your cloak.)

"More likely you will then wont." (Vixul turned to the desk and began going through it while she talked.) "There's four here, too. Me, Vixul, host. Major, takes care of the body and not here to make friends. Addeline, very carefree, makes sure we don't burn out. And Orcane, who, uh, does things that need to be done. Here" (She turned and tossed a notebook to you.)

(You caught it and opened it. Blank.) "Huh?"

"Keep a journal, it'll help." (She picked up her own.) "Put a message on the first page that anyone new can read. Try and make sure it's updated every day, ask your friends for that, it'll help. A lot."

"R-right. . ." (Odile had suggested before you keep a journal. Well, you had an excuse now at least.)

"Oh yeah, and you can write down things that get certain headmates in control." (She sees your blank expression, and sighs.) "If I hear some upbeat music, Addeline will show up. Some triggers are good, some bad. Make sure to list them down.

"Rrrrrriiiighhht. . ." (Your rub your temple, that was, a lot.)

". . ." (She looks away again.) ". . . Sorry, I know that's, a lot."

"I-it's fine!" (You say, half-true.)

"Sure, buddy." (She shakes her head and takes a breath.) "Right, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself a bit."

(Vixul turned back to her own journal and began flicking through it.) "The term for what you and I are is 'Plural', the other people in our heads are called 'Headmates', y'know, head-roomates. And as a collective you're called a 'system.'"

(She turns back around, now holding her book of notes.) "We're like this 'cause as kids, our personality is still getting itself together. If something traumatic happens to us, it'll stop that from happening. Skip forward a few years and suddenly your head's fractured into anywhere from a couple, to a dozen, to hundreds of personalities."

(You blink at that.) ". . . Hundreds?"

"Yeah, I know. Not common, but it happens." (She continued.) "Usually each part has their own job; Hosts, you and me, take care of the day to day, memory holders are- well you can guess. Caretakers make sure basic needs are met, protectors step in when the body or mind needs defending."

(Memory holder sounds like Loop, Protector. . . Kinda like Mal? Not really though, Vixul continues.)

"Littles are, well, repressed childhood emotion. Persecutors are personifications of, uh, abuse." (She looks to the side.) "Not inherently evil, it's complicated. O-OH! And if someone doesn't know if any of these fit that's okay!"

"R-right. . ."

". . . You should write this down."

"O-OH!" (Vixul tosses you a pen and you open your new journal. You choose a page near the back and start writing. She waits for you to catch up.)

"Then there's Introjects" (She taps her chin.) "Sometimes when a new headmate is trying to form, they latch onto a personality you already know. Fictive is based on a fictional personality, factive is from, well, real life. They might have phantom memories from their 'source', and, other stuff."

<You pause for a second. That's, that's you.>

(Null?!?)

<Quiet. You look up at Vixul.> ". . . introject."

"Yep." <She tilts her head.> "Everything alright?"

". . . No, not exactly." <You look down at what you had wrote, you had been in the background, but that shook you in controll- Siffrin. . . ? Stars, great.> ". . . I'm sorry, I think I just kicked Siffrin out. I'm Null"

"That's fine, sometimes you just get forced to the front. Good to meet you!" <She wasn't phased for a second.> "Need catching up on anything?"

<You shook your head.> "No. Although I wanted to ask, what about that place in our head? That's not normal, apparently."

"No it isn't, some non-systems have them, but for us it's just, there." <She started messing with her coat sleeve.> "It's how the mind organizes itself I think. It, can feel very real sometimes."

<You nod.> "So I've gathered."

"Oh yeah! Do you get headaches? Or dizzy spells where you can't think? Dissociating?"

"Yes. We do." <You remember multiple times when looping a few days ago that caused that.> "When it happens, we have a breathing exercise. And for me, listening to music helps.

"Good grounding techniques, try and find out what else can help, oh and write it down!"

<You roll your eye, but write it down. You had already filled up a page with notes, stars.> "This is quite a lot."

"It, it is." <She gets up, walking over and sits next to you on the bed.> "It's, it's complicated, confusing, and there's a lot to take in. That's because nothing is universal."

<She continues.> "It's like. . . Well it's like trying to compare those little Change God statues. None of them repeat, but they do rhyme. Right?"

"Right." <You nod.> "So, something we experience another may not?"

"Exactly! Actually, I might have an example. Can you see your headspace right now?"

"One moment." <You breathe in, and out. You're still see the bed. But in flickers you can also see the lightless sky.> "Yes, I can."

"Alright, lets try. . ." <She taps her foot for a moment.> "I know, I'm dropping an apple at your feet."

<?!??!?!!?!?!?!!?>

<You reach out, there's an apple on the ground. It's flickering like the rest of your headspace, but, it's, there?> "How did you do that?"

"Phantom touch." <She smiles.> "I don't get that, but you do. If someone phrases something just right when you're in the right mindset, it'll trick your head into thinking it's happening in your headspace."

<You blink a few times. You still had the apple. You look up at Vixul.> "This seems more unreal the more you talk."

"It does, doesn't it." <She reaches over to pat your back, but notices you wince, and stops.> "W-well, it's, real. Even if it sounds crazy, or people call you crazy, it's real and we gotta live with it."

"Mhm." <You look back down at the journal.> ". . . Any more words of wisdom?"

"Lets see- oh! You could name your little system, too!" <She points a thumb at herself> "We're called Snowflower system."

"Heh, cute." <Your mouth twitches into a smile. A funny little collective name, that could be fun.> "Oh, I did have a question to do with combat; I can't use the others crafts."

"Right." <She nods.> "Well, it's about personality and just, your own skills. Major is good at holding his ground, Addeline is fast, Orcane is sneaky. Just like how you might want to tag out so someone else can deal with something better than you can, you can do it in a fight too. Craft types change too."

<Like how Mal wasn't scissors type. Like how you didn't know any craft skills at all. Like how you could loop on demand, unlike the others.> "It also helps resist mind control."

"Learned that the hard way." <Another nod.> "Thanks again for helping with that, by the way."

"No problem." <Like you helped much in the end.> ". . . Anything else?"

"Just a few notes; make sure to communicate problems with your headmates. Don't get worried if there's times where you don't hear from any headmates. And if someone new does show up, try not to deny their existence." <She looks away.> "That one is mostly for the host."

". . ." <You look directly at Vixul. She coughs.> ". . . Do as I say, not as I do?"

"Well I don't anymore." <She grumbles.> "U-uh, any last questions?

<You shake your head.> "None come to mind. Do you have any last words of advice?"

". . . Just, just one." <Vixul turned to look directly at you.> "Look at me."

<You turn.>

"I want you to listen to me, I need you to remember this and write it down in big letters, okay?"

<You nod.>

"Okay, listen. Above everything else, I need you to do one thing. And that's to give yourself grace. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't try and fit some definition or other peoples idea of what your experience should be."

"Talk to your family, talk to your headmates, figure things out. Experiment with your headspace and see what's possible. See who's better at what. See if there's other headmates hiding in there. But, above all, I need you to remember to just, go easy on yourself, please."

<. . . You nod.>

"Do you promise?!?"

<Another nod.> "I promise."

"Write it down-"

"I'm going to!" <You turn back to the journal. And just like she asked, big letters, underlined three times. "Give yourself grace." You get the feeling this is something she learned the hard way.> ". . . And, that's it?"

"By Luna I think it is." <She's rubbing her temples again.> "Tell ya what, you're still here for a few days, I'll get to writing a booklet or something you can flip through if you're confused about anything."

". . . You don't need to do that." <You stand up.>

"Don't be an idiot." <She stands up too.> "It's not like I have anything else to do. Plus it's the Vaugardian thing to do."

<You chuckle at that.> "When in Vaugarde. . ."

"Do as the Vaugardians do." <She, laughing, then cuts herself.> "Oh craaaab wait, relationship stuff."

"What?" <You turn, confused.>

"Well, you're dating Isa, right?" <She crosses her arms.> "And, well, do you all like him?"

". . ." <Siffrin without a doubt. Mal, you had learned recently, does. Loop kissed him a few days ago so you have no idea. And you. . .> "Everyone bar me. I'm still figuring it out. Although. . ."

<You sigh, rubbing your head.> "We learned a few days ago another of our companions, Ramos, has feelings for us. Siffrin is the only one who may having feelings back." <You pause.> ". . The rest of us neither like nor trust Ramos."

". . . Yikes." <She bit her lip.> "Well, first off, congrats on hitting the lottery; most of you like Isabeau, that is not the norm. Second, uh, well. . . You're, you're doing the right thing already by, talking about this. But you all should be clear with eachother and Ramos. If, Sif and Ramos become a thing it should be only if you guys are okay with it too."

<. . . You nod, and sigh.> "Thank you."

"Can I ask why you don't like Ramos?"

"We were enemies for a time." <You say flatly.> "They were controlled by those who did the same here, yes, but I don't trust them."

"Right. . . Gooooood luck with that?"

"Mhm." <You rub your neck.> ". . . Thank you, Vixul, Snowflower?"

"Vixul's fine." <She goes to sit back at her desk, back to work.> "It's snowflower if you're talking to us all, but, you're welcome."

<You wave, and go to leave. That went well, you weren't sure where Siffrin went, but. . . Actually. . .>

<You stop.> ". . . How did you know Polaris' name?"

<Vixul pauses for just a moment.> ". . Pardon?"

"Polaris." <Your voice was flat. You felt something was off.> "How did you know his name"

"Because. . . That's his name- wait when did you talk to Pol about that?" <She turns to look at you again, her eyes changing from kind to suspicious.>

"His name is from an island that has been wished out of existence." <You press on.> "You're not from there, your accent is unplaceable, and you're using the moon as an expletive. Why?"

<She stares at you in disbelief. You've clearly caught her off guard. She's hiding something more. What was it, Vixul? What did you do?>

<There's a cold, long silence, before she sighs, and turns back to her desk.> ". . . I can't tell you, It's a secret."

"Can't, or won't."

"Won't." <Vixul held up a hand, it was empty.> I won't tell you for the same reason you wouldn't tell me about your time craft."

<She snapped her fingers, and a pair of coins fell from thin air into her hand.>

<There's a second of silence, then she tosses the coins to you. You catch them, and hold them up to the light- No. . .> "How."

"It's not hard to spot a paradox if you know what to look for." <She's still not looking at you.> "Relax, I'm good at keeping secrets."

<You huff, and tuck YOUR two coins back in the pocket they were in a few moments ago. Space manipulation? This explained one thing, at least. When you first broke into her room, she snuck up on you without open the door or making any sound. Hm.> "The people we're chasing used some transportation craft, do you-"

"No clue." <She interrupts.> "Pretty amateur stuff, though, I've met children that could do better."

<You squint.> ". . . Have you?"

<She simply hums in response.>

<You stare at the back of Vixuls head, as if looking hard enough might decipher the enigma of her existence. Nothing about her made sense. What kind of journey has she been on? What can she do that's as dangerous as your time craft? Do you even want to know?>

". . . Fine, if whatever your doing is comparable to what we're doing, I'll leave you to it."

"Same to you." <She turns back to you, finally.> "This world's gone through enough broken time, I do not want to know how it's done."

"Good. It sucks." <You reply flatly.> ". . . Thank you, Vixul. And good luck."

"Right back 'atchya" <She does a half wave.> "And kick that 'Perci' assholes butt for me."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling a school counselor about what my friend does online?

I (F minor) am in middle school. I have a group of friends, about 8 people, but this is about one girl in specific we can call Annie. All of us are mutuals on tumblr, twitter, etc. and we have a discord server too.

All of us are into a lot of the same things, like art, anime, video games, and have a lot of the same hobbies. Most of us also struggle with mental health stuff like anxiety and/or depression so we regularly talk to our school counselor (F, Idk how old she is).

Anyways, we're all really close and we get along really well for the most part, but lately Annie has been doing stuff that really bothers and worries us.

She's VERY into internet discourse. Has 10 paragraph long DNI page, is constantly starting fights with other people, etc. She usually argues about stuff like LGBT+ rights, womens rights, etc. but also a LOT of fandom discourse which is my biggest concern.

A lot of my other friends reblog/retweet stuff like anime gifs, fanart, memes, etc. but pretty much every post I see from Annie is her fighting with someone over shipping or something like that.

A lot of the posts are basically:

Her talking about how disgusting a certain ship or character is

How everyone who likes that specific thing is a degenerate, or freak, or pedo or groomer.

How if you like problematic ships you need to get a therapist, or you deserve to be hurt. Once I saw her arguing with someone who said they write certain stuff due to trauma and she said "You don't have trauma, you're either lying or you actually liked it and that's why you write such disgusting nasty shit"

Fighting with random people and accusing them of being a predator or a pedo

Breaking her own DNI (which says adults, proshitters, etc. DNI) and then getting mad at the other person for responding

It's really upsetting to see because she does this CONSTANTLY. She never seems to use tumblr/twitter to do things she actually likes. I never see her reblog gifs or memes or just silly lighthearted posts about stuff she enjoys.

It's especially upsetting because we're minors and she TELLS PEOPLE THAT. Like she's arguging with people that she thinks are pedos or child predators, while openly telling people her actual age. To me that's like covering yourself in bloody steaks and then jumping into water full of sharks.

I was really starting to get concerned because even in our private discord server she's always talking about how much she hates these people or whatever and how they should die, a lot of the time she says things like "they should get the wall" or "I hope their nasty fanfics happen to them irl that would teach them lol" and it really freaks me out.

She also talks about seeing the "child porn" that these people make which as far as I'm aware is drawings of characters but it still freaks me out how open and calm she is about looking at what she THINKS is child porn. I asked her if it's child porn why is it being linked in callout posts for other people (including minors!) to see and not being reported to the FBI but she just gets mad and changes the subject.

Me and our other friends have mentioned before that we don't like hearing about this kind of stuff but then she just gets mad and goes offline or gives us the silent treatment at school.

A month or so ago I got so fed up and upset, that I took a bunch of screenshots of her tumblr account and discord messages. One thing to note is that her username is VERY specific.

It's a combination of her first and last name and her birth year. Most people will not know that, but if you know her name and birthday, it's easy to tell it's her. She also goes by her real name online which I also screenshotted as proof it's her.

I brought all this to the school counselor, and I told her how worried I was about Annie, and how I think she's doing something really unsafe. Not only is she confronting people she thinks are child predators/groomers, she's telling people they deserve to get hurt in really awful ways, and looking at porn and I don't think this is good for her mental health.

The counselor at first was like "Idk are you SURE it's her? It could be anyone online!" But I insisted that it was and explained the username thing and that this was our private discord server so obviously I know it's her.

She thanked me for letting her know and told me I was being a good friend and then we talked about how I was doing, and then I left. I kind of forgot about it until a week later.

Annie wasn't online at all and I was kind of worried, but then I saw her on Monday at school. I was with our other friends and we called out her name so she would see us and come over and she LOST IT. She started screaming at us and telling us how awful we were, and how we ruined her life.

Idk what exactly happened, but apparently the counselor talked to her and her parents got involved? Her parents now monitor her internet usage, they have child safety stuff on the browsers, and she's only allowed on certain websites for doing research for school, or watching videos on youtube on their account so they can see what videos she's watching, or playing games on steam.

She said that her parents are also putting her in therapy once a week now (with an actual therapist, not the counselor) and she's only allowed to go out with an adult chaperone (either her older sister or one of her parents).

But... None of our friends know it was me who told the counselor. Annie has other friends besides us, so they're also "suspects" for being the snitch. It seems like half of our friends are relieved that Annie is kept away from that kind of stuff and the other half are mad at whoever the snitch is for ratting Annie out and resulting in her having less privacy/freedom.

At first I was happy that Annie was getting help and being kept away from this but now I feel really conflicted. I feel so disgusting talking to her and our other friends and pretending nothing happened, knowing that I was the one who told the counselor.

Annie still talks to us but she's a lot less open. We still have our discord server but apparently her parents will read through the messages to make sure she's not talking about anything bad and that she's only talking to us and not strangers.

What are these acronyms?

[landorris4]

── ☆ quadrant house

☆ Maybe Lando Norris was more than a friend, and maybe it was time for you to learn that.

warnings: friends with benefits words count: 2.6k

POV Maya

It was the third time that week that my parents had pestered me about moving in with my cousin. I made videos for YouTube and that's why the neighbors sometimes complained about the noise and stuff, after all, we lived in an apartment in Chicago.

After so much insistence on this idea, I finally accepted. Living with him will be fun, after all he lives with a bunch of other people, and I think I know all of them. I sent a message to Max asking if I could come over on Monday and he said he would prepare everything.

The only condition he gave me was that I help with the expenses, and I accepted, after all I made money from the internet and spending time there would generate much more content for my channel. And it would be great to see my best friend, Lando, again.

Right now, I was checking my bags. I'm only taking my clothes, accessories, shoes and some souvenirs, decorations I buy there. Today is Sunday and I have a flight at 7 pm, so I'm going to take a nap before my flight. It will be a seven hour and forty minute flight, I even had time to sleep, but I can't relax on planes alone.

[...]

I just got off the plane and my cousin sent me the address, I'm going to take an Uber because they forgot to clean the house and are only doing it now. It had to be Quadrant.

Anyway, I did everything I had to do at the airport and called an Uber. I would even describe what I did, but it's a lot of bureaucracy. I started filming on the plane and now I was filming some scenes in the Uber as well. Of course, I didn't say anything, I just recorded it and I'll tell you later. I'm really embarrassed to talk to the camera around people.

As soon as I arrived in front of the mansion, I thanked and paid the driver, took my bags out of the car and immediately placed them in front of the door, I sent a message to Max and in 2 minutes he was opening the door for me.

── I thought they were going to let me live in the garden ─ I acted dramatic and he laughed. I think drama runs in the family.

── I missed you, Maya! ─ he said hugging me and messing up my hair, which made me look at him angrily.

── Max! I spent the whole way from the airport fixing my hair and you mess it up when I get here? I just don't kill you now because I'm so tired ─ I said and he just laughed, picked up my bags and took them to the living room.

── Ria, Niram and Aarav went to the market to do their monthly shopping. Lando is sorting out some sponsorship stuff, Steve is still sleeping. Oh, and your room won't be ready until tomorrow, so you'll be sleeping with someone. I'd say sleep in my room, but P is arriving today too ─ he said and I nodded.

── I'm going to stay in Lando's room, I'm going to put him to sleep on the floor ─ I said, picking up my bags and Max laughed, I've always been very attached to Lando, ever since I met him.

Max picked up the remaining bags and took them to Norris's room. I followed him since I didn't know this house yet. It was huge, I would definitely get lost here.

── You can sleep if you want, we'll wake you up for lunch ─ he kissed my forehead and left the room, closing the door.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 10 o'clock, so I decided to take a shower. As soon as I was done, I put on some comfortable clothes and went back to my room. I saw that Lando had a bulletin board and I went over there, writing that I should finish my vlog later. I would definitely forget.

I grabbed my camera and put it on the nightstand. Soon someone knocked on the door and I said they could come in. As soon as the person opened the door, I saw that it was Pietra and smiled. I went up to her and hugged her. It had been a long time since I had seen her, and I really enjoyed her company.

── Did you miss me? ─ she mocks and I laugh, releasing her from the hug.

── Not at all ─ I replied and she laughed.

── I just came to give you a hug and let you go to sleep. The boys don't know yet, so when Lando comes in and sees that there's someone sleeping in his bed, he'll find it strange ─ she said a few more things and then left the room, finally leaving me alone.

I lay down on the bed and was thankful that Lando had a soft bed. I grabbed my camera and said I was going to sleep, I sent a message asking Max to record Lando's reaction when he arrived and saw that I was here and he agreed.

And then, after a few minutes of trying, I managed to fall asleep.

[...]

── NO WAY! ─ I heard a scream and immediately woke up, looking at the door and seeing a disbelieving Lando, and a laughing Max with a camera right behind him.

I smiled at Norris who came running, threw himself on top of me and hugged me. I missed his hugs, they were so warm. Lando and I have known each other since before I moved to the United States, I met him at one of Max's kart races and we ended up becoming best friends, that was about 9 years ago. Sometimes we would hook up, just for fun, but it never affected our friendship.

── Wow Ma, I missed you so much! ─ he exclaimed without letting go of me.

── I felt it too, Lan! ─ he smiled at the nickname and hugged me tighter, falling down next to me and laying me on his chest.

── I'm going now because I feel like being left out ─ Max said, leaving the room and closing the door, which made us laugh.

── What are you doing here, Yara? ─ he called me and I frowned. I hated that nickname.

My name is actually Mayara, and Lando is the only one who calls me Yara. Throughout my life, he was the only one who dared to create a nickname. When he realized that I didn't like the nickname, he started using it just to annoy me.

── Don't call me Yara, Norris ─ I said and he laughed. ─ And I came to live here!

── I missed annoying you, and I'm glad you're going to live here now. I missed you so much! ─ He surprised me with a kiss and I smiled, shyly.

── I'm sleepy, so if you're going to stay here, don't make any noise, thanks ─ I said, turning to the other side and curling up on the bed. The truth is that even after years of intimacy with Lando, I still felt blushing with every minimally romantic action, and at this moment, I'm sure I'm blushing.

── I'm going to help the boys with lunch. I'll come and get you later. ─ He got up, walked around the bed and stopped in front of me. He held my face and gave me a kiss. And how I missed those kisses. In the end, he smiled and left the room, leaving a completely happy Maya lying on the bed.

[...]

We had lunch, and when it was 2 pm, I put on a bikini and went to the pool area. I was listening to music on my headphones when I heard my name being called. There was no one calling me, just Niram making fun of Lando for not wiping the smile off his face since I arrived.

I sat back down on the lounge chair and the boys decided to stay in the pool. After a while, I remembered that I needed to record more scenes for the vlog so I went in and got my camera.

I started going through the takes I recorded and ended up realizing that Max had set the camera to record Lando's reaction, and then left it on the nightstand, but didn't stop recording, which ended up recording the kiss Norris gave me. I laughed in despair, after all, Ria is the one who edits my videos, and I couldn't cut this before sending it to her because my laptop doesn't support editing applications. And to make matters worse, my computer was an ocean away.

I couldn't erase the take, because it was too funny from that angle, but I had to find a way to convince Ria not to tell anyone.

It's not like it's a huge secret that Lando and I kiss at parties. But homely affection like the one in the video, those are secret. To our friends we only kiss when we're drunk, to my cousin we're just friends who have never touched each other's lips, but between him and me there's a mutual agreement of free will to kiss and make out in private.

Speaking of him, the arms that surrounded me were definitely his, his unmistakable scent invaded my senses, followed by a caress on my waist, a body pressed against mine and a head in the curve of my neck.

── Are you okay, Yara? You didn't go back to the pool ─ Lando murmurs, giving small kisses on my shoulder.

── Yes, I just remembered that I need to record a few more scenes and I came to get my camera. It turns out that I asked Max to record his reaction and he forgot to tell me that this camera was also on, so he recorded our kiss ─ I explain and he smiles.

── It's not like it's a secret ─ he says, moving away and smiling mischievously.

── It's not a secret, but it's not public knowledge. Ria will see it and will ask me a lot of questions, let's pray that she doesn't tell anyone ─ I explain, turning to face him.

── Everyone knew for me ─ Lando lets go.

What do you mean? He's the first one to say he doesn't want anything serious when he's with other girls. It doesn't make sense for him to say that.

── Lando, with all due respect, why are you saying this? I can't even count on my fingers how many girls you turned down in the last year, claiming you didn't want to be with anyone and were focused on your career. I remember well every time you called me drunk to tell me you couldn't have a serious relationship.

── Yes, because none of them were you! ─ the boy says and leaves the room, leaving me confused.

What does he mean by that?

(...)

There are few things I don't know how to deal with well. Among them are injustices and adult tantrums, both of which always irritate me. And dealing with Lando Norris today was being impossible, because it was unfair that he made me confused and his childish tantrum of running away from me all day would have to stop at some point.

That moment came at bedtime. He tried to take as long as he could to come to bed, but he found me awake, sitting on the bed waiting for him. Sighing in defeat, Lando went into the bathroom and changed his clothes so he could sleep, and sat down next to me, both of us watching the television that was off.

── So... Aren't you going to explain it to me? ─ I begin.

── There's nothing to explain, Yara. It's obvious that I'm in love with you, if you didn't notice before it's because you didn't want to. I never made a point of hiding that I would do anything for you.

── You never made a point of talking either, did you? ─ He remains silent. ─ Lando, I'm sorry, but it's hard to read your signals when you're with me for a week and then show up at a club with some girl the next week ─ I'm honest.

I don't hold any grudges or resentment over it, but I admit that yes, sometimes it hurt to wake up to pictures of you with a woman hanging around your neck.

── You never wanted anything serious, Yara, you always made it clear that our lives didn't fit together because I'm always traveling and you live on another continent. I had no choice but to make the most of my time with you and then try to forget the desire to return to your arms ─ Lando vents. I can see his back tense and his gaze get lost between the sheets. ─ But now it's a different story. I thought we could finally have that love story from your favorite books. I thought you would finally notice me the way I notice you. Like when I realized you hold your breath every time something bothers you in one of our conversations about privileges. Or when I realized you hate eating plain or excessive cheese but love four-cheese pizza. Or when I realized you wake up with back pain if you sleep on your right side, so I switched sides in bed...

Watching Lando vulnerable was comforting. Knowing that he felt this way around me and knowing that we can have a future made me deeply happy. Even better was realizing that he had been noticing me all along. He saw me. And I won't deny it, until yesterday I thought I loved Lando just as a friend. But today, after all his speech, I realized that it was never just that. It was never just kisses and hugs, it was never just sleepless nights, it was never just mornings with a hangover. It was never just friendship. Lando was by my side every step I took over the last few years and I hoped he would continue to be there for the next few years too.

Charlie Brown Jr.¹ once said: "They say it's impossible to find love without losing your mind; But for those with strong minds, the impossible is just a matter of opinion; And even madmen know that." And he was right. Love is blind and madness accompanies it, just like the fable by Jean de La Fontaine says. It's unlikely that you'll love someone without having a hint of madness in the mix. After all, only madmen are capable of loving someone so much without losing their self-love. And I loved Lando Norris. I loved him so much!

Loving Lando Norris was a lazy Sunday morning, between kisses, sheets, affection and love on a cold but sunny morning. After all, that was the definition of love for me. I won't know how to explain it, but that was it. And Lando was all that and much more.

Unable to hold it in any longer, I grabbed his hand to get his attention and settled myself on his lap, beginning a slow, passionate kiss that lasted until both of our lungs were begging for oxygen. When our mouths parted, I pressed our foreheads together briefly before snuggling into his shoulder in a warm embrace.

── Thank you. For paying attention, for understanding my side, for giving me satisfaction even when you shouldn't, for loving me. Thank you for being you and choosing me to love you ─ I whispered.

── I'm the one who should thank you here, love. Thank you for loving me, even if I'll never be half the man you deserve to have.

── You are more than I need, Lan.

And maybe, in the end, only the crazy ones really knew. And, God, how happy I was to be one of the crazy ones.

¹Charlie Brown Jr. was a Brazilian rock band formed in 1992 in the city of Santos, by Chor��o, Champignon, Marcão Britto, Thiago Castanho and Renato Pelado.

[wizzdot]

The Patron Saint of One Way Trips

Ch12

Description: sorry for the long wait guys! Work has been crazyyyy - anyway. Here it is! Lil bit of progress with Simon - I reckon it’ll be 1 step forward, 2 back for a little while. Simon and Laika are both as fucked up as each other!! It’s a long chapter to make up for the wait. Hope you enjoy!!

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

I'd been warned during dinner last night that I was going to be 'put through my paces' today. The Captain told me to get a good nights sleep. Kyle and Johnny dropped me off at my room - Kyle said goodnight with a soft kiss to my cheek, and Johnny told me not to let the bed bugs bite. He also kissed me on the cheek, but it was far too close to the corner of my mouth. He must have missed his target. I spent all night trying to brush it off.

*Johnny's POV*

The pizza had been good, Kyle was bold and kissed our little lass on the cheek. I couldn't stop myself, had to one up him.. Her little blush and awkward reaction made it worth the risk. Gaz and I practically ran back to our shared room - we needed to rest up for training tomorrow. We finally get to see what our little Lass is made of.

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

Knock Knock Knock

"Lass? Can we come in..? Y'ready for us?"

I'd just stepped out of the shower. "Uhh - two seconds.. I'm just getting changed" I shout back through the door. I rush to pull on some workout shorts and a black sports bra. I glance at myself in the mirror. I swear that I already look healthier - I'd gone sort of gaunt during my time at the facility. My skin looks brighter, I'm cleaner and relaxed... and happier.

"I'm dressed but still need to braid my hair.." As soon as the words have left my mouth, Johnny barrels into the room, followed closely by Kyle. "Mornin', Lass" - "Hi Johnny" I reply, softly. Kyle puts his arm around my shoulders and smiles brightly at me "ready for today? Cap's in charge of what we're doing.. just need to see where we are at with you.. apparently there's shit going down in Mexico so we might need to step in over there... Just before Christmas too.." he sighs sadly.

I furrow my brows - "Christmas? I thought it was October??" - "Ignore him, Lass, he is one of them crazy people who wants to put the tree up straight after Halloween".

I look at Kyle and giggle. "I thought it was winter when you first found me" - "It's always winter in Russia to be fair" Kyle jokes back. "Yeah but you can't go confusing me like that.. I've not been aware of seasons or dates for years, I was just starting to grasp it again.. so no Christmas stuff until December...?" I explain, feeling more and more relaxed around the two younger Alphas everyday. "You promise to be here for Christmas, then?" Johnny bargains. There's that sad flip in my stomach again. "I - I don't know where I'll be, Johnny.. I don't think I am in control of that decision".

"We'll not let you leave.." Kyle jokes "Aye, hide you away from the others" Johnny continues, nudging Kyle. They both laugh but I just shake my head.

We are interrupted by the Captain who stands in the open door, not stepping inside. "Laika, didn't I tell you that those two shouldn't just let themselves into your room like this...?" - "I - I let them in, Cap- Sorry- John" he huffs a laugh "If you say so. Put your trainers on and let's get to the gym before the basics turn up for the day. Ghost's there already". he grumbles, rolling his eyes at the possibility of basic training turning up mid-session.

"You don't have to worry if the rookies turn up, Lass. They're a bunch of prats, think they're all Billy big baws and like to throw their scents around and show off.. if any of them bother you, we'll sort 'em out" I look at Johnny and nod with furrowed brows. I was nervous.

The Lieutenant is loitering menacingly at the sparring mats when we all arrive at the gym. "Took your fuckin' time" he grunts. I try not to react but I can't help the guilt that washes over me. "Laika, on the mat" he jerks his head toward the mat. I obey and step onto the mat, ringing my hands together nervously, chewing the skin inside of my cheek. "Gaz, I want you to go through basic sparring movements, see what she's made of" the Luitennant orders. Kyle looks between the masked Alpha and myself with unsure eyes. "Are you sure..?" I look up at him nodding "I'll be ok.. orders are orders" I reassure myself, trying to slip back behind my own mask. Trying desperately to become the asset again. Unfeeling, cold and calculated.

My eyes start to take in Kyle's movements, analysing when and how he will move. He is the leanest of the pack of Alpha's, meaning he is probably the fastest. But I'm smaller and, hopefully, smarter. He steps, hesitantly onto the mat and raises his arms into a defensive position. "Gaz, for fuck sake, move!" the Lieutenant barks "She ain't going to throw the first punch!" Something inside of me screams 'NOW'.

I leap forward and slide to the ground taking Kyle's legs out from under him before he has the chance to react. He was too busy concentrating on the upper half of his body.

Kyle falls backwards and lands just beside me, so I scramble to get nearer, using my legs to restrain his arms and placing my forearm over his throat firmly so he couldn't move. I meet his eye, and he looks completely shocked. Then a slow smirk starts to form on his face. He reaches up and taps twice on my back. Impressive, lovie" he chuckles. I release him and clamber away from his body, which is still laying flat on the mat, I start apologising over and over again..

"Soap.. your turn. Try not to get distracted like Garrick did, this is all pointless if you go easy on her.." Ghost barks. I look at Johnny with sad eyes. "C'mon, lass.. you heard the man. Lets have a proper tussle" he wiggles his eyebrows. My body betrays me, as it so often does, falling victim to Johnny's flirtatious comments. I blush and look away. This time Johnny is on me as quickly as I look away. I'm the one caught off guard this time. SHIT.

He gets us both to the ground and I can tell he is attempting to use his weight advantage against me. He just wants to get me pinned which will win him the match. I realise that I need to get back to my feet, and fast. I allow him to roll me far too easily which gives me the momentum to push away from him. I knee toward his crotch while we roll and manage to catch him lightly, just enough for him to curl in on himself slightly, giving me a small enough window to climb back to my feet.

He tries to get up quickly but he is on his knees. I grab his neck and use all of my body weight to pull him to the floor, practically wrapped around his torso like some sort of demented koala bear. He chokes slightly and taps twice on my upper arm, which is currently holding his neck in a headlock. I immediately let go, "Sorry.. I'm sorry. I hate this..." I panic, thinking that I'd pissed him off. "Lass, nothin' to be sorry for. You're a feral little madam on the mats.." He brushes his legs off and grabs me around the shoulders, pulling me towards his chest. He presses a quick kiss to my hair and pushes me gently back towards the mat, not before whispering in my ear "Clever little Lass".

"Not bad" Ghost says. "Tell me what you think of knives.." - "the winner of a knife fight is whoever dies second, or finds help quickly enough to survive. No one stays clean in a knife fight.." I murmur. The luitennant tilts his head and narrows his eyes at me. It's difficult to read his thoughts when he has the mask on, but what I'd said obviously struck a nerve with him. "Show me what you mean by that - here.." he hands me a dummy knife and steps toward the mat behind me..

"Wi-with you..?" I ask nervously. "Problem?" he grunts back at me. I shake my head.

He stands there with confidence. I must look ridiculous. I don't know what to do. The lieutenant suddenly takes a wide swipe with the knife, it narrowly misses my stomach thanks to my quick survival instincts telling my body to jump backwards. I suddenly snap back into the 'asset' mindset. I leap forward and aim for his head. His eyes, to be specific. I see a flash of surprise cross his eyes before he slams the knife from my hand, pain shoots up my entire arm but I ignore it. I react by kicking his outstretched arm so that he is also knife-less. I then leap at him and try to clamber up his back. He grabs me by the shoulder and slams me hard on the ground winding me. I slide backwards, terrified at the behemoth of an Alpha towering over me. I whimper, scared trying to get away, still winded and pain still shooting up my arm.

"Stop. STOP" he bellows. I whimper again, confused and terrified. I can see a storm brewing behind the masked Alpha's eyes. "GAZ - get her up, for fuck sake.." the Lieutenant storms away from the gym, the Captain following closely behind him. My eyes don't leave his form until the gym doors swing shut and Kyle and Johnny are cooing at me, trying to calm me down.

*GHOSTS POV*

FUCK, she's not a trained soldier by any stretch. But Christ, she goes into a desperate survival mode. Kill or be killed is the only description I can think of. Watching how she sparred with Kyle and Johnny, she was scared. Acting out of fear, and fear alone.

I wanted to see her knife skills - I don't know why I decided I should spar with her. She suddenly switched. That look in her eyes. She was feral. She was genuinely trying to hurt me. She had no differentiation between training and real fighting. It was all real to her. Kill or be killed - and she thought I was trying to kill her... She thinks I'm a monster.

I try to stop her by disarming her, I know my thumping blow to her arm must have hurt. It had to, but she barely even flinched. She was in survival mode. She caught me off guard and disarmed me. Clever girl, leveling the playing field - if this was a real fight that is - but I was trying to halt the fight. She needed to cool off before she went even more feral.

I was NOT expecting her to leap at my back and try to choke me. It left me with only one option - to flip her and get her flat on the ground. It worked for a couple of seconds. She paused, the look in her eye no longer murderous. But within a split second, she stunk of pure fear. Like she was staring at death himself. Me. I try to step forward with a hand out to show that I was no longer armed but she backed away, eyes flashing like a cornered dog.

SHIT. Why'd my stomach do that. I'm trying to help her and she's fuckin' terrified of me. Fuckin' hurt her too.

"Stop" I try. It doesn't work. "STOP" fuck Simon, why can't you be fuckin' gentle for once?! Brute - my brain shouts at me.

"Gaz - get her up, for fuck sake.." I shout. She looks helpless but, fuck, I feel helpless as well. I've never felt like this.

The sharp, sour smell of her fear. It makes my eyes water. Makes me want to fuckin' hurl. I turn and leave, not feeling well all of a sudden.

She has two Alpha's she actually likes to help her. Fuck, I hope she isn't hurt.. I don't deserve nice things. My Pack are probably going to drop me now. The fucking brute that you are Simon Riley.

The anger at my own stupidity boils over. I'd almost made it back to the Pack room but my fist meets the wall before I get there. I roar, angrily - or did it sound more broken than that? FUCK. Then I smell Price. He is fuckin' seething. I can already smell him.

I slam the door to the shared room and slide down the wall, grabbing angrily at my mask. I rip it from my face. "ARGRGHHHHHH" I roar again. I grab fistfuls of my hair. Fuckin' prick.

I hear the door close and then a presence sit beside me. It's Price.

"What the bloody hell happened back there Simon?" he growls. I can tell he is holding back his rage.

"She was feral" I grunt. I didn't know what else to say..

"And why was that..? Why did you let it get to that stage..?" he asks. Fuck sake, he is treating me like a fuckin' child.

"Wasn't just me. The girl doesn't know the difference between practice and survival.. She was fighting for her fuckin' life" I growl, pulling at my hair.

I feel his hands pry mine away from my head. "Simon. C'mon. Look at me.." - "Alpha - I need some time..." I break slightly.

"Time for what, Simon?" - "Time to think. I don't understand what is happening.. I can't stand the girl. I can't be near her"

John stays silent beside me, knowing that I needed to find my own way out from this maze.

"But.. but when she had that look in her eye, I needed to protect her. Protect her from me.. It's either me or her, Cap. I can't be near her. I'll kill her".

A warm hand grips my shoulder and squeezes. "Simon. You are too hard on yourself. You are the glue that often holds this pack together. Laika is finding her place in a new world. You've been in a similar position. I have a feeling you two are more alike than you think. Please, give it time. I'm not throwing you out of the pack, Simon. I'm not even angry at you. Never doubt your place or importance here, Simon - Never. Is that understood?"

My eyes furrow. I grab my mask and pull it back over my face. "Yes, sir. Understood" - "good, now come. The boys will have calmed Laika down by now" - "I hurt her" I interrupt. "You didn't mean to. I know you were trying to stop the fight. I saw it" - "she will need the medic.. I hit her hard. Can't do anything gentle. Fuckin' brute" - "Simon.. you did what you had to... she was going feral. C'mon, no more sparring. We will move onto target practice and finish with a five kilometer run - together. That'll be enough to fill in her file. We can make up the rest. She is on the team, I don't care about all of the tests".

I can feel my head clearing, the pack Alpha had successfully dragged me from a dark spiral. My panic attacks were not pretty. I get back to my feet when he offers me a hand to help hoist me up. "Sorry.." - "No Simon, save your apologies. Small steps, yeah? Let's work on chipping away at that wall you put up around Laika first. The boys adore her already.." - "I know. Johnny reeks of her at night time. Felt like I was wakin' up next to a fuckin' Omega this morning" - "Simon, she hasn't presented. I had her tested - results aren't back till next.." - "John - she is a fuckin' Omega. Stunk of honey and oranges since the first time I saw her tied up against the wall when Johnny found her. Can't you smell her..?"

"Faintly. The doctors said her scent will settle once the drugs leave her system. But her scent - it's barely there, Simon. She smells more like Johnny and Kyle right now" he shakes his head at me as if he doesn't believe me. "That's impossible.." - "I'll talk to the doctors tomorrow, Simon. We've got to get through today. I've got Kate on at me about Mexico - we will need to decide what to do about that - so the sooner she is cleared to work with us, the better, understood?" - "Yes, sir" - "Right, screw your head back on and come with me. I'll take the lead for the rest of the day. You sit back with Johnny and cool yourself off, ok?" -

“Affirmative”

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

Kyle and Johnny saw what happened. They saw me trying to kill their pack mate. "I'm sorry - I don't - I don't know what happened.. I'm.." - "Shhh Love, hey, look at us - you need to look at us. We aren't angry at you. The Captain is with Simon, he will be ok. We need to check your back and your arm. You got hit pretty hard.." Kyle explains, stroking my cheek.

"Aye, Lass, c'mon, let us have a wee look, just want to make sure you're ok.." - "I'm fine.. I'm ok.." - "You sure..?" - "Yeah, promise" I assure them, even though I am feeling the aches from Ghost's hits. I jump slightly when the gym doors crash open. It's them. The Captain and Lieutenant. Ghost stops about 10 yards from the rest of us. I try not to look toward him, still feeling nervous. I see the Captain nod Johnny in Ghost's direction and Johnny immediately walks toward the massive Alpha and comforts him.

The Captain steps closer to me. "You're ok to continue? Not hurt?" - "No, Captain" I pretend. "Ok, we are going to the shooting range.. boys, lead the way" He directs toward Johnny and Ghost. They both turn and lead us to the shooting range. It's a huge open field. Targets and metal human-shaped silhouettes peaking out from behind pretend trenches and sand bag walls.

There are a couple of sergeants already shooting when we arrive. I get handed a set of ear protectors from John. He then walks me to a locked metal shed and explains that this is one of the gun-stores on the base.

"You said you were a sniper?" _ "Yes" - "What'd you use..?" - "Uhm.. A gun..?" - "You don't know what model of rifle?" - "Oh.. sorry.. no - I just used what they gave me, just happened to be quite good" I admit shyly. He huffs a small laugh and then grabs a large case and lays it gently on the ground, opening the top to reveal a huge, dark green rifle.

"This is an Accuracy International rifle.. we've used them for a long while now, best you'll get. We can alter sights and scopes to suit you. They're quite lightweight compared to other manufacturers. In all, it's probably seven kilos - give it a try and see what you think, Love". I stare at the piece of metal as if it would jump out and attack me. "This is the L96 model.. I assume that you used a Russian SV-98 type? They're popular over there. Poor mans sniper they are, if you were good with one of them, you'll be impressive with one of these" the Captain rambles. It's all pretty pointless to be honest because I know nothing about guns. I was just thrown one by a guard and told to shoot it, and punished if I missed. You learn fast that way.

I listen to him talk anyway, enjoying the gruffness of his voice and the fact that he seemed quite interested and excited to talk about guns. I nod along as if I understand what he is saying. "Ok, Let's give it a try then, love" -he hands me the gun and stands closely behind me. "See that target over there" he points "I want you to hit that - take your time". I nod and get comfortable holding the rifle. It feels different. Foreign. I lower myself to the ground and eye up the target in the scope. I breathe in and hold my breath. One, two, click.

"Well done - slightly left but hit the target" the Captain says. I furrow my brows, confused. "Can I try again?" I ask, disappointed. He shrugs and nods. I aim again and concentrate more this time. Breathe in. Hold it. One, Two, Shoot... Fuckin' left again.. what the fuck?

"You're doin' well, Lass. Why are you pissed off. It's not like you're missing.." Johnny pipes up. I scoff at him. "It should be hitting dead center.. I don't miss, Johnny.. I can't miss like this.." I rant. "I'm trying again, I think the guns sight is off.." I get into position the same as the last two tries but this time I aim half a line further to the right of the cross hair. One, two, Click. I huff a laugh. "Got it.. I need to aim off to the right to make a clean hit. I'll get used to it.." I mumble, continuing to eye the scope and point the rifle in different directions, pretending to aim at things. "Whoa, lass. Dinnae point it at us, fuck sake" Johnny jokes as I start turning slowly towards the pack. I was totally in my own little world there.

"We can have the sight adjusted if you like?" John offers "although I doubt it's this one that's been off. I reckon the one you've learnt to shoot with is off - so you naturally drop your rest arm to allow for the difference. Have you noticed that..?" John questions. "Uhm, no.. I've only ever used that sniper rifle.. I don't really know much about guns - was just given a crash course to be honest.."

He smiles and pats the top of my head "Well you ain't half bad for just having had a crash course, love - those hits would have passed you as a sniper here anyway, yet here you are complaining that you're a couple of millimeters left of where you wanted it.." I laugh nervously and look down at my feet.

Kyle walks up beside me and removes the gun from my arms and places it gently back in its case. "Better shot than most of us, anyway.. I reckon with a bit of familiarization with the new scope, you'll out-perform LT" I immediately glance back to the ground and feel nervous, scared to feel the wrath of the Lieutenant again. I subconsciously rub my sore arm before the Captain speaks up. "I wanted to end the day with a quick five kilometer run. It'll give Laika chance to see the perimeter of the base and also good exercise for you three lazy buggers!" he jokes. Johnny clutches his chest in false offence, Kyle just laughs and walks himself over to the Captain, giving him a gentle shove. "Lazy, sir? I'm not sure about that.." I blush - was he flirting with his Alpha? I shouldn't be witnessing this. I'm not one of them.. The Captain chuckles darkly and jokingly grabs Kyle by the scruff of his neck and growls softly at him, causing the younger Alpha to groan and blush. I turn away.

Johnny just laughs along, elbowing Simon who still looks pissed off from this mornings encounter.

The gun case gets placed on the floor of the large cabinet, stood upright. The Captain goes and chats to the supervisor and takes a small paper ticket and signs something. I watch from a distance, assuming he was just signing the gun back into storage. He returns to the group and smiles "Right, get your arses in gear. Take the first km steady as the warm up, then we will see who's the fastest. Finish is back here. Full lap of the base.. no cheating, Simon". I furrow my brows again, god I do that a lot, I'm going to get a frown line if I'm not careful. The Lieutenant didn't strike me as the type to cheat on a simple jog. I shake my head and watch the others limber up and stretch. I don't join them. Just watch, confused. I only ever ran when I was forced or chased. Never for.. leisure?

"Right, Kyle - lead us off for the first few hundred meters, just to get us onto the outside loop" - "Yessir'" Kyle chirps back. He strides off quickly. I try to stay with Johnny. Simon and John jogging gently behind. I stay on Johnny's heels for a few minutes but can feel myself getting tired. He keeps looking round at me as if he is surprised I'm still that close to him. Kyle is away out in front. How does he make it look so easy?! He is barely breaking a sweat, looks like he is just floating. I guess he was the best runner of the team. Johnny runs like a man possessed. I huff a laugh, his run matches his personality. All elbows and fast movements. He looked busy but he was still fast. I glance behind to try and spot the other two Alphas.

"Dinnae' look back when you're running Lassie, you'll trip!" Johnny shouts, while running backwards. What a showoff! I scoff and roll my eyes at him before wiping the sweat from my brow. "The two big'uns are slow, lass! Too heavy to be speedy like me and Kyle.." He jokes, speeding up and slowing down. "Johnny!" I pant, struggling to talk while gasping for air "Stop showing off!" - "No, Lass - I'm impressed, you're doing well! Didn't think you'd keep up with me to be honest - Gaz ran track when he was at school, he coulda been a pro runner, fucken bullshit. He has the record on base - as if I didn't almost bust a fuckin' gut to beat him to still lose" he laughs. I glance up ahead and Kyle is barely even trying. In fact, it looks like he is on his phone.. he has slowed right down as if he is waiting for us.

I just concentrate on forcing my feet to keep hitting the ground one in front of the other. I couldn't say that I was enjoying this, but it was better than being forced or chased.. It was weirdly satisfying. My lungs were on fire but I wasn't in danger.. I was just running for the sake of it - something I never thought I'd ever manage to do again. I felt like a child in a playground. The strange nostalgic feeling helps to push the pain and fatigue away. I actually somehow manage to pick up the pace. I glance back behind me and can no longer see the two larger Alphas. Just Kyle a couple of hundred meters ahead, and Johnny about ten meters in front of me.

I fall into a relaxed state, all I could hear was my own breaths and all I concentrated on was keeping them even. In Out In Out In Out. A few meters we turn a corner and I spot the Captain and Lieutenant ahead of us all. HANG ON A FUCKIN' MINUTE - CHEATS. I speed up, as does Johnny. "Ya see that, Lass, fuckin' Cap dinnae even take his own advice. Let's get them!" He shouts back to me mischievously. I giggle and shake my head fondly, but push myself faster.

Kyle goes past them first and obviously makes a comment because Ghost gestures with his hands and John throws his head back and laughs while still jogging slowly. I don't quite hear as Johnny and I are still about fifty meters behind them. C'mon, lass - you jump Cap, I'll get Ghost.."

"Jump... wait Johnny - what do you mean...?" Johnny had already shot off and almost caught up to them. I push myself into a sprint and my face splits into a huge smile. Johnny had leapt onto Simon's Ghost's back and bundled them both to the ground. I don't quite know what came over me in the moment. I laugh and leap at John in the same style that Johnny had with Ghost. John huffs as I hit into his back and stays running for a few strides before eventually loosing his balance and falling to the ground. He rolls so that he is underneath me and takes the brunt of the fall. He grunts as his back hits the grass. I can hear Johnny cackling like a madman and then the Captain speaks from underneath me.

"Johnny's bad behavior is rubbing off on you, love.." I blush and look away, only to meet eyes with Kyle, who is smiling brightly at the scene in front of him. I decide to be very brave. I stop laughing along with Johnny and sit back on his lap and reply back playfully "Bad behavior, Sir? It wasn't us who broke our own rule of not cheating.." I trail off, feeling nervous at how he was going to take my response. He goes silent before growling. I freeze momentarily before I feel his warm arms around me. He stands easily holding my weight and drops me off in Kyle's arms. "Cheeky little thing, you are. I'll need to ask Kyle to teach you some manners, you little minx.." My face heats up and I hide in Kyle's shoulder, giggling. I look over to Johnny who is beaming even though he is pinned by the largest Alpha. Christ, the Lieutenant is massive. Something inside of me makes me whimper, thinking that Johnny is in danger. I wriggle slightly and Kyle turns me away from the scene and whispers into my ear "Simon would never hurt any of us.. trust me on that, yeah?" I whine a reply along the lines of 'mmmhmm'.

*John's POV*

Simon and I decide to treat the final run as a leisurely jog. I already knew that the two young Alphas would shoot off like bloody rockets. They always did the same. What I don't expect is for little Y/N to keep pace with Johnny. Yes, she looks like she is struggling slightly, but the girl has guts. She keeps the pace.

Simon grunts at me around half way through, says that we should meet them at the end so that they 'don't get up to any mischief'. Of course, I agree, and nod in the direction of the best short cut. My knees aren't getting any younger, after all.

Simon and I rejoin the outer perimeter, having cut the top loop out. Kyle jogs by and tells us that our cheating isn't going to go down well with Johnny. Simon tells him to 'do one, Garrick' and something about how we aren't all 'failed athletes' like him which forces a laugh to bellow from my mouth. Such a back handed compliment.

The next thing that I do not predict happening is for Johnny to fell Simon like a fuckin' tree - the boy near on rugby tackles the lad. I watch it all happen from the corner of my eye, laughing as Simon hits the deck and Johnny crawls over him. The boy is like a terrier. Insatiable and endlessly energetic. The next thing I don't reckon on happening is for Y/N to creep around my peripheral vision and leap onto my back.

It's a given, she is much lighter that Johnny, but she also carries herself with much more grace. Her 'rugby tackle' method was rather cat-like. I manage to stay upright for a few strides until her leg taps mine, causing me to trip. It was one of those falls when you know you're going down. It gives me time to spin and take the fall so that I don't land on her, or catapult her, face first, into the grass.

I land on my back and stare back up at her happy face while she is draped across my chest, clung like a Koala. Her walls were down in this moment. She is genuinely happy. I have to move heaven and earth to not grab at her. Her scent is rolling off of her - as strong and sweet as I have smelt it. Control yourself, John!

She blushes like crazy at my comment - about how Johnny is rubbing off on her. She then sasses back at me and Christ, I need to get away from her before I do something that will scare her away. But I'm a greedy man. I stand with her, not quite able to release her yet. I drop her off with sweet Kyle. He wouldn't take advantage of her like I would. I cant help myself. I make an overly sexual remark about Kyle teaching her manners. We all know it wouldn't be Kyle who taught her manners. That job is down to Simon and I. Kyle and Y/N blush, I notice that Kyle nuzzles into her neck when she hides her pretty little blush in his shoulder. Cheeky boy couldn't help himself could he?

Something changes in her expression when she looks up to see Simon pinning Johnny. Then, almost within a split second, her scent changes to a sharper, sour scent. She is scared again. Simon notices the change without even looking. I can tell by his body language. He softens his hold on the younger Alpha and leans down to scent him, Johnny laughs and nuzzles all over Simon's mask. I glance to see how Laika reacts but Kyle had already turned her away. Damn it!

When will she ever see the soft side of Simon Riley?

I take a deep breath, to try and calm myself down from the earlier excitement. As an Alpha, I hadn't had a woman - let alone a possible Omega - sitting on top of me for years now. Of course, my body reacted accordingly. Once I've successfully chilled out, I turn and step back towards a smirking Kyle and a happier Y/N.

I push the loose strands of her hair back behind her ears. "C'mon love".

She giggles and apologises for her earlier behavior. "Don't ever say sorry for having fun, love. I enjoyed seeing you like that. Even Simon chuckled at your little sassy comment.." I wiggle my eyebrows. She blushes again and looks down. She really is unsure of Simon.

I'd - We'd - need to rectify that...

- two days later -

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

Darkness, wet, blood, pain, screaming...

Another nightmare. I thought they were getting better. I cannot get myself out of this one, tossing and turning. I can feel the sweat and tears falling from my face. Was that real or just the nightmare?

*Ghost's POV*

A blood curdling scream echoes the hallway at about 1AM. I was sitting in the kitchen with my feet up on the coffee table, reading a book. I stand up immediately and follow my nose to her room. What the fuck am I supposed to do. The others are all asleep, she is fuckin' terrified of me but she is whimpering and crashing about in there. Fuck it. I'm going in. The annoying Alpha voice inside of my brain is screaming to help her. I wish it would shut the fuck up to be honest. It's been louder than ever since the second she turned up.

I bang on the door - no answer. I step into the strange room hesitantly. Stupid girl didn't even lock the door. I know that Alphas shouldn't intrude Omega's nests, but she needed help.

She isn't on the fuckin' bed. She's ran away, heard me fuckin' coming. She is hiding somewhere. Stupid fuckin' bastard - should never have come in here. She probably thinks I'm coming to kill her.

Over the sound of my thoughts, I hear another pained whimper. The cupboard. Don't tell me that she's-

She is in the fuckin' cupboard. In a fuckin' nest. A nest with Johnny and Kyle's clothes and - is that Cap's missing towel? He lost that yesterday..

I find myself staring at the sight inside of the cupboard. Probably for too long, because I'm drawn back to the situation when she starts breathing erratically.

I try to gently tap her arm. She doesn't wake up. I squeeze her arm now, she flinches, but still doesn't wake up.

"Laika.. it's - fuck - it's me.. Ghost... Wake up..." - nothing. Just more thrashing around.

"Fuckin' hell" I grumble. I lower myself so that I am knelt on the floor in the doorway of the open cupboard. I grab her shoulders and shake. It's the only option I have, having tried everything else.

She snaps out of her nightmare with a shriek, slapping and scrabbling at my chest and face. "Fuck girl - it's me.. I'm - I'm tryin to fuckin' help you" - "DON'T TOUCH ME - GET AWAY" she yells at me.

I'd be lying if my heart didn't freeze over when she says that. Such fear in her voice. Fuck it. Only option left. I grab her around the waist and hold her in one arm, flinging her over my shoulder. She is crying and crashing my back with weak, panicked punches. I hardly feel it. Too numb from her words. I march her out of her room and down the hallway. "Pl-please - please don't" she cries. What the fuck did she think I was gonna do to her?!

I reach the door I was looking for and open in, storming in and dumping her on the bed. She clambers quickly away from me, over the limbs of my pack mates. John wakes up abruptly, instantly in defense mode. She flies towards him and clings to his torso as if she fitted there all too perfectly. She is sobbing now. John growls as he blinks away sleep.

"What the fuck, Simon. What've you done..?" He looks between the sobbing mess clung to him, and me. Great, my own fuckin' Alpha thinks I've 'done' something to her.

By now Johnny and Kyle had woken up too. They move to the space between myself and the girl. Were they creating a barrier?! Didn't they trust me..? Of course they don't. You're a monster.

I sigh, feeling broken, and turn to leave the room. Christ knows where to, but I needed to disappear for a while. I'm almost out of the room. I stop when I hear her. "Si-simon..?"

I don't turn. I just face the doorway, still intending to leave.

Then the Captain speaks up "Answer her, Simon.." I sigh again.

"What?" I snap over my shoulder at her. I see her flinch, "I'm - I'm sorry.." she whines "S'fine" I grunt back, still not turning to face her.

"What happened?" Johnny asks. I don't expect to feel his hand in mine, tugging me back toward the bed. "Get off Johnny" I shake his hand away from mine, but ever persistent, he grabs at my hand again. "Si - what happened?" he asks again.

"The girl was havin' a fuckin' nightmare. Heard her screaming from the kitchen. Didn't even wake up when I banged on the door. She was hiding in her fuckin' cupboard. Didn't even lock her door".

"So.. you helped her..?" Kyle asks hesitantly "what else was I 'sposed to do? Fuckin' let her scream the place down all night?" I snap back - ok fair, that was uncalled for. I have my own fair share of nightmares. Those in glass houses 'n all that bullshit....

"S-sorry.. I didn't mean-" - "I said s'fine" I grunt at her. She hides behind John's shoulder now. She's terrified of me.

"Y/N.. what do you want to do..?" Kyle asks her "Don't want to be a-alone again.." she whimpers back at him. He strokes her cheek. Why can't I be gentle like that?

"Alpha.. can - can she stay here for tonight..?" He asks John nervously. I forgot Johnny was still holding my hand, but he squeezes it excitedly when Kyle asks if she can stay.

"Y/N.. would you feel comfortable here..? I give you my word, we will not touch you.. not hurt you..it's your choice.."

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

"Y/N.. would you feel comfortable here..? I give you my word, we will not touch you.. not hurt you..it's your choice.." The captain asks me.. I sniffle into his shoulder. His bare shoulder. "Please.. please, if it's ok - ok with everyone.." I stutter and sniff. "Shhh sweetheart, it's ok.." John reassures me, rubbing my back softly.

He lays me down between him and Kyle. I glance towards Johnny and Ghost. Johnny has finally succeeded in dragging Ghost into the bed. He is as far away from me as he can possibly be on the massive bed. Johnny snuggles up to him and rests his head against Ghost's chest. I can almost see some of the tension leave Ghost's body. I look away and roll to face Kyle. He is already looking at me as I turn around. He smiles softly down at me and whispers "you ok, love?" I nod against the pillow. He motions towards himself and as my eyes meet his motioning hand, I notice that he is also shirtless. Do none of these men wear a shirt to bed?!

I furrow my brows at his gesture "C'mere love, snuggle up to me" he chuckles. "I don't want to be a burden" I sniffle, my face still red and puffy from all of the crying. "Never, now come here" he motions towards himself again. "Gaz.. behave" John warns from his position behind me. "Behaving, sir" - "Better fuckin' be" he grumbles back. His voice was extra gravelly at this time of night. I shuffle towards Kyle and he engulfs me in his arms. He is so warm.. His scent calms me down almost immediately. I push my head so it's resting atop his chest. He slots his chin over the top of my head.

I drift off to sleep, quicker than I had for years. The last thing I feel is a strong, hairy arm wrap around both of us and pull us slightly closer.

[icarus-summer]

Wrote a swercy moment at the 3AM yesterday. Wasn't going to post it, but I thought maybe this would encourage the fandom to write more stuff!

It's essentially A Light Or Somethin' from Mercy's poin of view

•

"What's wrong? Kiss me."

Mercy had never been rejected before. The boys would trip over their feet to get a kiss from her. The girls too. Some of the orphans were actually so desperate that they tried to steal it anyway. So when Swan turned away from her approaching lips, she didn't understand.

"You know, from the moment we came up town, everything's gone wrong." Swan took a step back. "Let's just keep walking."

Mercy felt her lip quiver. She only knew Swan and the rest of the Warriors for what, a few hours? But it felt like it'd been months. Years. Like she knew those women all her life and was just waiting to be reminded of it. No one got her like they did. They had fought together, that had to mean something, right?

Maybe batting some clowns together was not the ideal first date, but Mercy had fun. She felt light and free and happy and a bunch of other things she didn't knew she could feel.

"If I'm everything wrong, why'd you keep me along?" she asked, trying her best to hide the shakiness of her voice. "Tell me."

Swan didn't say anything, just kept still, her back facing the other woman.

"Why stick up for a stranger in spite of the danger?" She took a step foward and held Swan's hand. "Tell me."

Swan turned just slightly, so Mercy could only read half of her expression. Mercy wished she knew what any of that meant.

"Look at me!" She pulled Swan by the shoulders. "What in the hell are you looking for?"

And why wasn't it her? Why couldn't it be her? Swan tried to turn away again, but this time Mercy decided she wouldn't let her. She grabbed her wrist to try to put her hand on her face again. At least so that Swan could look in her eyes.

"Look at me! God, let me know what you're looking for..."

Swan pulled her arm away. It was too dark to see her face right, but she looked upset. Well, Mercy felt the same. She was sick of running away, tired of staying in the background. If only Swan could see what she saw.

"Don't know what you want from me, don't know what you think you see in me." She gave a disheartened laugh, while passing her hand through her hair. Mercy wished she could do the same. Swan's curly hair looked so soft.

How could she think that? How could she not see how perfect she was? Swan was probably the bravest, most courageous, gorgeus and strong woman that Mercy met. No one could compare.

She opened her mouth to say something, but Swan cutted her off immediately.

"Don't tell me you believe in me, you don't even know me! You lonely? You'll be just as lonely in Coney!"

Mercy crossed her arms, uncomfortable on how much Swan seemed to be able to read her. Yes, she was lonely. She was lonely all her life. At seeing how affected Mercy was, Swan's voice gone softer. Her hand went for Mercys arm, close, but not enough to touch her. Mercy's entire body seemed to yearn for Swan's touch.

"Look, I've been in and out of juvie, I was sleeping under the boardwalk when the Warriors came and claimed me. Cleon took me in and named me Swan. Now Cleon's gone, and tonight can't be undone, nothing done can be undone."

Mercy understood that. There was a reason why she was with the orphans. She also had no one. However, unlike Swan, she never had a connection to the Orphans. And before Swan, she never realized how much she craved for it.

"I'm beat up, I'm broken..."

That was not true. Maybe if Swan could just see how Mercy looked at. Of she could see how her eyes lighted up.

"Look at me."

"Do not put your hope in me."

Mercy wasn't going to give up. It wasn't like her. Giving their height difference, Mercy got on her tip toes and pulled Swan's face close to hers.

"What do you see?"

Swan didn't pulled away this time. She reciprocated the gesture, with one hand on her ace and the other safely on her waist.

"Mercy, what do you want me to say? That you're beautiful? Because I think we all know that you're beautiful. You're more than beautiful!"

Mercy felt her heartbeat accelarate even more.

"...More than beautiful?"

She almost wanted to cry. In all her life, she felt like a failure. Like an abnormality. Her beauty was all she had. And it was hard to be beautiful when you lived like she did.

But no one ever saw her more than that. A girl. A beautiful girl. But still a girl.

"You're more than your body! More than these lips..." She rested her hand on Mercy's cheek. Her thumb caressed Mercy's parted lips. "And if we ever someone get out of this place..."

"Then we'll go?"

At the same time Swan said:

"Then you'll go."

No. No, no. Why? Swan was doing this again. Trying to push her away. They could be so good together.

"Find something new."

Swan really couldn't see, could she? She couldn't see how Mercy already had found what she wanted. And it was right in front of her.

"It's all new!"

There was something that both of them could agree on. The light on the end on that tunnel had nothing on them.

Mercy thought Swan was finally ging to kiss her, but then they heard a train noise. Quickly, Swan pushed her against the wall of the tunnel and used her own body as protection.

After the train passed, they knew their moment was gone. They needed to keep walking. They need to get to Union Square. They need to find the rest of the warriors.

"Keep walkin'."

Swan pulled away, but offered her hand to Mercy to hold, which the woman gladly took it. With her free hand, Mercy pointed to the now visible end of the tunnel.

"I think I see a light or somethin'"

[callsign-dexter]

A Father's Comfort

Request: hey lovie 

I just went through a pretty nasty break up (not because of him and I) and I tried to explain everything to my friends and some family what happened by they all thought I had done something wrong. The only person who had my back was my dad, he was the only one who would listen and told me it wasn’t my fault. 

anyways I was wondering if you could write a maverick x daughter reader where she broke up with her boyfriend and tried to get some reassurance from friends and family (maybe just some of Pete’s old friends) but they just thought she was the mess up (maybe they were just extremely passive aggressive) so she just tried to laugh off the jokes. Maybe eventually Pete finds out through the chain that she broke up with the boy so he tried to go confront/comfort her and she tried to make jokes and in the middle of “laughing” she started crying. Then maverick just jumps into loving father mode and comforts her.

maybe the reader is like 16-17

thank you and 100% your choice

Pairings: Maverick x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: cheating, angst, fluff, asshole boyfriends, asshole Chipper, asshole Sundown, asshole Merlin

A/N: Hopefully you caught the Grease reference. I'm so sorry you had a rough break up and sorry I got this out late. If you need to talk my messages and asks are always open.

You didn’t know what happened. You thought your relationship with Justin was going great. You loved him and he loved you or so you thought. It was after school when it happened you were getting ready to leave the parking lot. You had just arrived at your Toyota Tacoma when Justin strolled up to you. You smiled when you saw him and greeted him with a kiss but he pulled away and turned his head so that you kissed his cheek this confused you. “Everything ok?” You had asked him.

“I think we should break up.” He said and your heart broke.

“What why?” You asked

“I don’t love you and never did. Besides I’m going out with Teresa.” He said and your face drained.

“How long has that been going on?” You asked now furious but still heart broken.

“A month after we got together.” He said and our eyes began to sting with tears. “We can still be friends.” He said and you didn’t say anything. He started to walk away but still close enough to you when you shouted at him.

“Lose my number and never talk to me again.” You said and he turned around.

“I’ve already lost it.” He said with a proud smirk on his face while yours was a frown.

“All I want to know is why.” You asked

“You’re too clingy. You never wanted to go further. At least Teresa is willing.” He said and then walked off and now you were truly alone. You got into your truck and drove home somehow not crashing. When you pulled into the driveway you recognized most of the cars as being Top Gun’s Class of ’86.

You parked in your original spot and killed the engine and headed inside of the house. It was loud and from the looks of it some of them had been drinking. You knew they were coming over for a cookout that your dad had planned and you were looking forward to it too until now. You knew you looked awful and you just wanted to escape upstairs and into your room. The plan was going smoothly until Hollywood saw you and smiled and went over and hugged you.

“Mini Mav! How are you?” He asked and you could tell that he had been drinking some but you were respectful and greeted him back because that is what your father taught you.

“I’m fine.” You said with a smile that didn’t quite reach your ear and your eyes weren’t as bright but he couldn’t tell that but two people could, Ice and Slider. They weren’t drinking as much because they tended not to and the thought of hangovers now killed them, when they were younger, they were fine with it but not now plus someone had to be a little bit sober while Maverick and Goose were gone to pick some stuff up and to deal with the rowdy ’86 bunch.

“You seem down. What’s up?” He asked pulling you into him uncomfortably and you nervously laughed and looked at Ice and Slider for help.

“My boyfriend and I broke up.” You said and got out of his hold by now most of everyone was paying attention to you.

“What happened?” Chipper asked as he took a drink of his beer.

“He said I was too clingy. He also cheated on me after a month of dating.” You said with your head hanging down.

“Well, were you clingy? Is that why he started cheating on you.?” He asked and you looked up at him with a shocked expression and everyone laughed but Ice and Slider.

“No, I texted him asking him to hang out but that is what boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to do. I also just wanted to know how his day was each day and text him good morning and good night. I also just wanted to spend more time with him and make plans and he never answered and I just send him ideas. He also wanted to go further and I didn’t want to.” You said in an exasperated voice. Chipper scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but they don’t have to hang out with each other 24/7.” He said and you could feel tears stinging your eyes.

“Chipper.” Ice said sternly not liking the look on your face and he looked at him.

“What? If she’s being clingy and doesn't want to go further, I know how teenage boys are, then I see why he was cheating on her.” He said to Ice and then turned back to you “Just a friendly reminder, try not to be so clingy next time and just go further.” He said and a tear slipped out and down your already tear-stained cheeks. Sundown scoffed.

“You’re being too sensitive about it. Just let it go. I don’t mean to be rude but it sounds like it is your fault that he cheated on you.” Sundown said and more tears fell down.

“Cheating on you was a surprisingly good decision on his part. If you were texting him all the time and wanting to hang out all the time, my girlfriend doesn’t even text me that much and I’m perfectly fine with that.” Merlin said and took a drink of his drink.

“That’s enough guys. You’re upsetting her.” Slider said and walked over to you and brought you into a hug.

“No, it’s ok. I’m just going to go up to my room. Oh, where is dad and Goose?” You asked, looking at him sniffling.

“They went to the store to grab some things. They’ll be back in like 10 minutes. I’ll let your dad know that you’re upstairs.” He said and hugged you which you returned and hugged him back and then when you released each other you started up the stairs to your room where you shut your door and fell face first into your pillow and began to cry.

Just like Slider said Maverick and Goose arrived back home and everyone had gone back to normal but Ice and Slider looked annoyed. Maverick and Goose put the bags down and then walked over to them. “What’s wrong?” Maverick asked, noticing that they hadn’t even touched the rest of their drinks.

“Where’s Y/N/N?” Goose asked, also looking at the two.

“She’s upstairs and you need to go and check on her.” Ice said and before Maverick could ask why Slider spoke up.

“She broke up with Justin.” Out of all the ’86 class Ice, Slider, and Goose were closest to the Mitchell girl “Everyone was passive aggressive to her. She took off upstairs. She’s really upset about it.” Slider said and Maverick nodded, pissed that the others would be so hateful to his daughter. They know better even if they have been drinking. Goose was pissed too, that was his goddaughter for crying out loud. He turned to Maverick.

“Go check on her. We’ll deal with the others.” Goose said and Maverick nodded and headed upstairs. He came to his daughter’s door and knocked.

“Hey, Sweetheart. Is it ok if I come in?” Maverick asked and waited for a minute.

“Yea.” You said in a quiet voice and he walked in to see you at your desk doing homework but could see your tear-stained cheeks and his heart broke. He went over and sat on your bed. You spun your desk chair and looked at him.

“Ice and Slider told me what happened.” He said

“They’re right. It’s my fault.” You began

“No- “He started but you cut him off with a laugh.

“I mean I probably texted him too much and that is why he cheated on me.” You said with a chuckle but could feel tears welling up.

“Honey- “Maverick said as his heart was breaking.

“I also didn’t want to go any further when we were making out and he would get annoyed. So why not cheat on me with someone that is willing to do something like that right?” You asked even though it didn’t require an answer. “I’m the stupid one and the one to blame.” You said slowly losing it and Maverick just sat there not saying anything and waiting for you to finish “Sundown is right I’m just being too sensitive and so is Merlin cheating on me was the right thing to do. I’m just a screw up and will always be a screw up.” You were looking anywhere but him. You were laughing until you weren’t and then you began to sob with your head in your heads and Maverick felt tears of his own.

Maverick pulled your chair over to him and pulled you into a hug and you leaned into him and wrapped your arms around him and buried your head into his shoulder. “You’re not a screw up. You’re a wonderful person and anybody would be lucky to have you, I know I am.” He said and tightened his hold on you. “You will always be my girl no matter what.” He said “You’re young and still have time to figure out what love is. Who knows the right one may be living in the house just across the street.” He said, hinting at Bradley but you were too upset to figure it out. 

“Thank you, Dad. I love you too.” You said he brought you so he was looking at you at arm’s length.

“Anything for my best girl.” He said and brought his hands to your face and wiped the still falling tears with his thumbs. They say the only man a girl can depend on is her daddy and you found out that was true that day. You were glad to have him in your life.

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