#anyway i think I'm gonna. get sleepy
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Oouuhh. EVIL tired ....
#ramblings of a lunatic#overall had a good day today with a nice highpoint at the end (SUCCEEDED AT PUBLIC SPEAKING. IN FRONT OF TEENS NONETHELESS!!!)#and then i got home and finally got one more logistical problem for my moving image film ticked off the box (WE HAVE LIGHTING NOW)#but now im. evil tired ..#i saw annoying takes in tags and instead of going ''oh i dont agree lol'' to myself i got mad#embarrassing!!! that's how you know you're evil tired!!!#anyway i think I'm gonna. get sleepy#OH OH ALSO!! i have another req ready to post i am going to post it later tonight after resting and eating#AND THEN I SHOULD HAVE ALL THE REST POSTED BY SUNDAY#YIPPEE
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(Based off of the reality of having a metal ring in your back as a constant reminder of your fate and how that affects you as a person set in the Switzerland arc)
“Does it hurt?”
Ava’s pressed face down into the pillow sleep curling around her limbs. She hums, she can’t remember what she says, she’s exhausted. Her arms are tangled beneath her pillow. She holds her fingers tightly between each other, her bones ache from the pressure but her hands no longer shake. Ava hasn’t experienced this before, a fear that haunts her at night. (She finds she cannot stop dreaming about dying. It’s stifling in the cover of night trying to figure out where she is.)
She slowly opens her eyes and squints in the darkness. Beatrice is facing her a furrow in her brow that Ava knows she’s doing unconsciously. Ava’s lip quirks a smidgen, Beatrice looks funny. It’s a bit silly to her, Beatrice no doubt working out a solution to an unknown problem that Ava has yet to see in the middle of the night. In her sleepy state she wants to laugh at the imaginary cogs churning in Beatrice’s head.
Beatrice scooches closer and Ava panics, her skin can taste the dust of Bea’s forearm. She hoists herself up on her elbows, turning to face Beatrice. “Wha?” Ava’s shaking off bits of sleep from her mouth when Beatrice repeats herself.
“Does the Halo hurt?”
She doesn’t know if she wants to answer that. Ava peers over Beatrice squinting at the harsh light of the digital clock on Beatrice’s side. Ava loves it, it reminds her of the early 2000’s and the aesthetic of waking up to an alarm to go somewhere. The clock blinks an innocent 1:43 Am, and Ava debates on letting her head thump back down.
She turns her body on her side, she can feel the halo shifting in her back and it makes her want to throw up. The sides of the halo press against her shoulder blades and Ava resists the urge to yank it out. She grits her teeth and settles ignoring the skin of her back pulling tight to accommodate for the ring. Beatrice is still expecting an answer and Ava can’t lie to her, she pulls the covers of the sheet up to her chest hoping to bide more time for an answer.
"Everything hurts Bea," Ava smiles, "getting my ass handed to me is hard work."
Beatrice frowns displeased but looks at her through her lashes, it's unguarded, the stress and worries of the world stay out of their room in the dead of night. Her lashes are so pretty and Ava wants to curse the soft glow of the moon. There’s just enough moonlight to illuminate her eyes but overshadow her freckles. Ava swallows down the taste of defeat, she can’t win, she thinks.
Her gaze is soft, Beatrice is looking at her and it’s different yet the same. The same feeling in her chest constricting her lungs, the same soft gaze of Beatrice. Beatrice who likes what she sees in Ava when Ava can barely see where she begins. She doesn’t like to dwell on it, the truth of the matter being what belongs to Ava.
If she closes her eyes she can pretend just a little longer. She can give herself the hope of the future and what comes after all this. She can put down the fighting and the artifact and live. Ava doesn't want to think about it anymore, at least not tonight when Beatrice is here with her.
Beatrice is soft. She knows it from hours and hours of training. She's felt it when Beatrice corrects her form, in the way she talks. She speaks from a place of care like she has turned the harsh words in her brain over and over to soften the syllables spoken to Ava. And Ava doesn't linger on it, the meaning behind it, (Ava didn't think she'd make it this far, finding a person who cares quite like Bea does.)
And Ava's got it bad, she knows she's fucked because Beatrice doesn’t say anything about her language and Ava can't not tell her the truth. She looks down, her hand fiddling with the bed sheet underneath them.
"It doesn't hurt," if she thinks about it she can feel the fibers of the cotton between the pads of her fingers. "But it's very uncomfortable." She doesn't want to find the response in Beatrice's eyes, content to hear it from her voice. The soft British lilting accent that holds her just as soft as a touch.
She waits, she can picture Bea’s mannerisms with her eyes closed but maybe she should check just to be sure. Ava peers up at Beatrice and she’s suddenly closer. Her eyes really are pretty, there’s a depth to them that Ava wants to spend an ungodly amount of time studying.
“Can I help?”
#tko_writes#AND THEN THEY BANGGGG NASTY UGLY HARDDDDD#tenatively titled:#Do you think i'm kind?#in which i dump soup all over this google doc#soup being trauma#yeah this is ooc what about it#i need to go to bed right now#can u believe it i wrote something relatively normal#bleghhh#it wasn't as bad as I thought it would go#canon writing is boring to me personally but this wasn't too bad#it's just like blah blah imagine having a metal ring in ur back and how sleeping on ur side affects your body#just like body horror#and like the constant reminder of it because how do u escape something that's so uncomfortable sitting between ur shoulder blades but#helps you move and do all the things u dreamed of???#anyway got bonked with this idea talking with ard#everyone thank ard for this if u liked it#i was supposed to write more but i've gotta go to bed#Ava's thoughts are all over the place but i'm gonna say that's cuz she's sleepy#something somethign it's just all the trauma she's gone through because she's had the halo is present and she's constantly reminded of it#because it jostles inside of her and no one was really fit to house a halo#something something GET RID OF THE HALO BEARERS LET THOSE WOMEN LIVE THEIR LIVES#RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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The day started like any other normal day. And it was, to Mihawk at least.
Yes, it was his birthday, but he never really cared for the occasion. Was he grateful for the life he was given? Of course he was. But he never saw the point in celebrating. He remembered the day when Shanks had showed up out of nowhere, ten years or so ago. He was overjoyed to see the man, hands itching to reach for Yoru, but the man stopped him with a whine.
"Nooooo, I come in peace! We can't fight, not today of all days!"
He held up the bottle in his hand with a bright smile. "We're gonna party until the sun goes down and comes back up!"
A frown pulled down on Mihawk's face, who was not quite understanding the situation. "What are you talking about?"
Shanks' smile quickly dropped too. "Don't tell me you forgot your own birthday."
Ah, right. So that's what this was about. The man had told him his date of birth some time ago, and in his surprise and perhaps slight tipsiness, he had admitted that they shared the same birthday. In hindsight, he should have known the red head would pull something like this. It was definitely in character. He sighed in frustration.
"I'm not quite the type to celebrate. You know I don't like to party like you folk."
"That's nonsense!" Shanks walked up to him and slapped a hand on his back, strong enough to send a normal man flying. But of course, Mihawk didn't move an inch. "Parties are like, the best part of being a pirate! And even if I respect your mysterious and lonely guy schtick, it's your damn birthday! You can make an exception for one day of the year."
He looked up, reminiscing about the past. "The captain was very firm about that. He would throw me and Buggy the most extravagant parties. He never once forgot; can you believe that?"
The captain he was talking about was indeed the King of the Pirates, Gold Roger. It had shocked Mihawk at first, learning about Shanks’ past. But the more he got to know the man, the more it made sense. A man of his caliber couldn’t have come from anything else. Shanks was a very talkative drunkard, so Mihawk was used to listening to stories about that time of his life. And frankly, he quite enjoyed it. These men in his stories and the stuff they went through were like straight out of legends... He gave a small smile to the excited man in front of him. "I guess I could indulge you just this once, but only because it's your birthday too."
He snapped out of the memories and slowly got out of bed, having had enough nostalgia to last him the day. But he was stopped by a floating hand pulling on his night gown.
"Stay."
Mihawk looked to the source of the muffled protest, which happened to be the blue mess in his bed. "Let go, Buggy."
"Nooooooo..."
He sighed as he sat back down on the bed, fingers immediately going for the soft blue locks. An approving hum came from the clown as he brushed through his hair with his long fingers.
This sleepy man, with whom he shared a bed, was one of those from Shanks’ stories. Except he was nothing like them. He wasn’t brave and fearless like in the stories, he was weak. But he knew exactly what he was and what he was capable of, and Mihawk loved him for that. He was charming beyond words, and a little stupid, but Mihawk was into that, as embarrassing as it was.
“Get back into bed and get your birthday cuddles.”
Mihawk chuckled at his partner. “Nice try, sweetheart.”
He got up to leave for the bathroom. “Do you know where Crocodile went?”
“Nope! How should I know?” Buggy answered way too quickly, which made the swordsman’s brows furrow.
“Hm. He’s probably in his office like usual.”
“Yes! That’s it.” Buggy exclaimed in triumph, for what he didn’t know. “He’s such a workaholic.”
“Indeed.” He replied nonchalantly as he reached for his razor.
“Wait!” Buggy ran out of bed to his side with a smile. “Let me do that for you.”
Mihawk stared at him with a raised brow. “You want to help me shave? For what reason exactly?”
“It’ll be relaxing! I’m good with my hands, you know.” Buggy wiggled his brows suggestively, which made his lips curve just the slightest bit. The clown could be funny sometimes, mostly when he wasn’t trying. Oh, how he loved this silly man.
“You literally have no reason to do this.”
Buggy sighed in frustration. “I’m just trying to pamper you, birthday boy. Take it or leave it.”
Mihawk thought about it for a second, and reluctantly gave the razor to the clown. “You better not mess this up. I have a very particular- “
“I’m aware, dear. Just trust me.”
He gently held his face and got to work, carving out the intricate design with capable movements. After he was done, he wiped his face with a fresh towel and gave him a kiss on the cheek to seal the deal.
“Was that a part of the service?” Mihawk jokingly asked.
“Only for you, handsome.”
Mihawk was never one for being coddled, always believing that being spoiled was being looked down upon. He didn’t need special attention and privilege to make it in life. But this, this he could get used to.
He pulled Buggy into a kiss that started innocent, but quickly grew more desperate. He was sneaking his hands under Buggy’s polka dot pyjama shirt when the man pushed him away.
“Nuh uh.”
“Nuh uh?” Mihawk stared at his boyfriend in bewilderment.
“Not now. I’ll give your birthday gift at night.”
Mihawk frowned. “It’s my birthday now too. What difference does it make?”
“God, you’re impatient. Night. No negotiating.”
Mihawk pursed his lips and didn’t protest. He was not happy, though.
Buggy stayed with him throughout the day, keeping him company and making sure he stayed away from the beach.
Yes, Mihawk could tell. But to be fair, Buggy wasn’t exactly being subtle. But he didn’t say a word, indulging in whatever the man was planning.
A surprise party, perhaps? God, he really hoped it wasn’t that. Crowds and being the center of attention didn’t agree with his constitution.
And where was his other partner (both in romantic and business contexts), Crocodile? He wasn’t in his office like he initially assumed. He was sure Buggy knew where the man was but refrained from asking questions. He was quite sure the two situations were somehow connected.
That in itself was quite ridiculous to think about. Crocodile didn’t seem like the type of man to care about birthdays either, like himself. Maybe Buggy had somehow convinced him? It all seemed very unnecessary. He knew the clown had good intentions, but he would have been fine if no one acknowledged his birthday at all. It wasn’t of importance to him, simple as that.
Then why was this bothering him so much? He tried to focus on Buggy’s rambling but that feeling did not leave.
Why did it feel so wrong to be celebrated just for existing? To be loved and cared for?
Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t unhappy with it. Quite the opposite actually. But it just felt so… foreign. He needed time to adjust, to make his peace with it.
He thought he had gotten over this particular problem after he formed a relationship with his two business partners. It had taken a lot out of him to simply let them in, to feel comfortable in their presence, to not fret from every touch… And even though he trusted them completely, here he was doubting his place.
It just didn’t make sense. They were wasting their time and effort for an inconsequential event that would pass by, leaving nothing changed. So, what if he got a year older? What did that change? Why did they care so much about something he himself didn’t care for? To show their love? But Mihawk already knew they loved him.
“Earth to Mihawk, hello?”
Mihawk snapped out of his thoughts, staring at Buggy’s concerned eyes. “Hm? Sorry, I got lost in thoughts. You were saying?”
“I was saying I want to walk along the beach… You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, don’t worry. I’m alright, just a bit sluggish today. And sure, we can go for a stroll.”
He walked hand in hand with Buggy, trying to ease his mind and keep small talk going. He wasn’t big on physical touch, but he really appreciated the warmth of Buggy’s hand then. The clown always had a way of comforting him without trying. Mihawk stopped walking when he saw the dinner table placed on the beach. That certainly wasn’t there before. It was adorned with red roses and lit candles, setting a romantic atmosphere. Crocodile was standing beside the table, looking at his pocket watch.
“You’re late.”
“I know! I got lost in my speaking, and hawk eyes didn’t try to stop me so I lost track of time…”
“You and your big mouth… I guess it’s alright, we didn’t miss the sunset.”
Crocodile walked up to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and sharing a chaste kiss.
“Happy birthday, hawk eyes.”
“Thank you.” Mihawk broke the eye contact as he felt his cheeks get hotter.
Crocodile gave a sly smirk. “Someone’s being bashful.”
“Well, I didn’t expect… this. I was convinced you were throwing me a party.”
Buggy frowned at the thought. “Of course not! That would make you uncomfortable, wouldn’t it? That’s the last thing I would want on your birthday. A private dinner on the other hand…”
“Is much more your style, is it not?” Crocodile completed Buggy’s sentence.
Mihawk was the luckiest man alive. He gave his lovers a small smile. “Yes, indeed it is. You are too thoughtful.”
“It’s literally the bare minimum but okay.”
“I can’t believe this, but I agree with the clown. What kind of partners would we be if we didn’t know your preferences?”
Mihawk sat on the chair the taller man pulled out for him as Buggy poured him a glass of wine, one of his favorites that happened to be quite expensive.
“I just don’t quite get what’s so important about this day, or what you would go through all this trouble for.”
Crocodile and Buggy shared a glance and turned to him with sad eyes.
“Because it’s the day you came into this world, and therefore to our lives? Because we love you?”
“Indeed. I don’t see what’s so confusing about us wanting to cherish the man we love, to show him how much he means to us. Is that a problem?”
Mihawk stared at the two in astonishment and eventually, a big smile stretched across his lips. “No, not at all.”
The swordsman had a lot to learn about love, about being loved, but he had two perfect partners to help him through the steps. He could get used to celebrating his birthday if it meant he got to share it with the people he loved. Maybe that’s what he had been missing all these years to give this day a meaning. Company.
And after dinner, Buggy didn’t forget about his promise from the morning. Easy to say Mihawk went to sleep a very tired but satisfied man.
#not too happy with this but I'm too sleepy to care#I was gonna make this more angsty but I used all that energy on my shuggy post so mihawk gets to be happy today :)#it's kinda funny to think this could be happening consecutively with the shuggy post#mihawk learning to accept love on his birthday while shanks gets used to the lack of it#me? picking favourites? haha no way#anyways happy birthday mihawk!!#one piece#buggy the clown#dracule mihawk#sir crocodile#cross guild#cross guild polycule#bughawk#red haired shanks#this is almost 2k words btw!!#maybe I'll try to improve it a bit tomorrow and post it as a fic on ao3 who knows
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Was having some trouble with my newest doily, dropping stitches and just generally having a hard time knitting and couldn't figure out why. And then I realized I had nearly 250 stitches jammed onto a 8 inch cable (16 inches including needle tips).
I moved it onto my 14 inch cable but realized immediately it could fit on my 22 inch cable (and did a bit of math, the final row of this doily is going to be 640 stitches and that'll need my 22 inch cable minimum). So after a bit of musical cables, he's finally laying mostly flat.
This guy is a square doily so he won't lay fully flat until I get him off the needles but he's already looking cute as hell. And bigger than I thought. The pattern says he'll be about 10 inches by 10 inches but I'm about halfway through his rows and he's already over 8 inches wide.
(Pattern, making version A)
#project: doily 12#knitting#knitblr#lace rot#wip#i did end up frogging the bag i randomly started just to get my 22 inch cable back#but tbh i probably wasn't gonna work on it again anyway. having one less project much worth some wasted work.#i'm gonna focus on this doily and the socks i just started primarily i think#i have been working slowly on blanket 10 but it's so warm and heavy that it makes me sleepy every time i work on it lmaoo#i'm excited to use it but i gotta not nap while making it
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Spoiler: I didn't go to sleep. But I will shortly after this post
#i'm sleepy. i'm dramatic. i'm silly. i'm affectionate; maybe#I know two people will see this. maybe? One of them is Moon. Dani is the other. again. maybe#i'm just gonna#AHEMS. words for both of these people; starting with Dani#first off. Damn I didn't think I'd ever read you calling me bestie. buut once I did I must admit the widest smile showed up in my face#I consider you a best friend as well; but from how cool you are? I never thought you'd look at me and go “yeah. thas my bestie”#second off. just like Moon; I saw (and still do) you as one of my biggest inspirations. The Lav blog and your silly characters made me want#-to get to know the entire server as a whole. so yea you're part of the reason I even started my drawing blog!#and now. my Wife. Moon. Ducky. Moondydusky (/silly)#grabby hands 💥 I wanna tell you just how much I love you all over again everyday. Not sure if you'd ever get tired of It but I just wanna#you're such an important person to me. Everyday I miss talking to you and giggle if I do talk to you#really. makes me just want to have you besides me I wanna just hug you before going to sleep I wanna kiss that pretty face of yours 😭💥💥#grfggarfwgshg#wif#:AAA:#anyway I love you so much and I'm still amazed how I went from “this person is SO cool” to “i'm proud to announce this is my wife!”#aaaand the SECRET THIRD OPTION.... Points at the bee#ASH if you're here I want you to know you're an AMAZING friend and you're so supportive and so cool and I wanna be you when I grow up /sill#you're literally just a little sibling to me /silly /pos#anyWay going to sleep fr now HEHAJHD goodnight everybody!!#(to any other mutuals. if I follow you and you follow me 👁️👁️ YOU ARE SO SO AMAZING AND COOL AND I'M SO GLAD WE'RE MOOTS RAHHHH)#I think I ranted too much. erm. yeah goodnight before I edit this post again
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wailing at the sky I'm tired ! ! ! ! ! !
#just me hi#ik i'm testy rn and i should take a nap but ouuhhrrr#consistently on drives i've been just. dropping energy like nothing#like on the way to wherever i'm good i'm floating it's great. but then on the way back it's just. Bleugh kfshv#and then my legs get tired cuz i can't stretch !! i'm dyinggg out here#hate being tired. hate being sleepy. wish i could banish the neepy forever tbh#however the awesome embrace of sleep is pretty good so i guess it's a trade i'll have to be content with. sigh#wah. blah. bloo. ouhrr#//anyway let me tell you abt smth really nice now hfhvbsh :>#so i was just sitting down last night doing.. smth i don't rember lol and my youngest siblings come over like ':3 we have something for you#which is immediately suspicious and i was measuring the level of child-safe violence they were going to be subjected to lmao; but i asked#what it was and they handed me this little paper bag full of little bracelets and beads and hair clippies ????#and the bag said 'we appreciate your existence' And had oath's little symbol on the front dude are you KIDDING ME#if it wasn't for the fact i did not want to scare them i would have cried. it was very very sweet and i wish i wasn't so flat irl kfvshg#there were 2 bracelets n one of them says 'space buddy' (tears in funkin eyes) and the other one says 'pink space'#'pink space' has the 'ace' part highlighted Do You Understand What They've Done To Me#dude. dude. [<- big wet eyeballs staring at the horizon]#i need to like. hbwauhhhhhhhh#i love them so ??? i need to explode them asap lmfshvg#/anyway putting this here cuz i don't wanna forget kfhghfs#i don't think leo reads these tags so Lmaoo 💥 get 'Unknowing of Things'ed loser#//okey i'm gonna go melt into a puddle of ice cream now#oouuuu here i go... toodles lol :3
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batman secret files: clownhunter
(ID in alt!)
#on one hand i can see why they would want to make jason a mentor to bao and all because parallels#but on the other.... i think jason and bao would been boring real fast#jason is like... older brother coded. bao needs his shitty uncle (khoa) it makes things funnier#plus i feel like once again its trapping jason in the ‘i cant exist without my life revolving around the joker’ loop hes been in#which is annoying and just wrong when people imply that to bruce and like... i get why jason it may be more true since yknow.#his life was cut short by him then he was forcefully brought back to life and it's personally traumatizing#but i still think it makes for such boring writing and doesn't allow the character to ever grow or change.#they wont let jason exist without that joker b-plot and if he takes on a kid that also been personally traumatized by him#then jason wont be allowed to potentially grow from it unless they make it about him caring about bao more and moving on because of that#but also... bao is like... 14....#him having khoa as a mentor allows him to have more opportunities and experiences so he doesn't become joker based#like hes always gonna have that hatred for him. his life was changed by him and his parents murder.#but thatd be the ripple effect to cause him to be a vigilante and everything (like how it did with bruce) instead of his entire life#revolving around just the clowns and never growing from it. gotta have a nice contrast y'know??#does any of this make sense? no. I'm sleepy and have a migraine.#am i gonna post it anyways and cringe in the morning when i reread it and realize people also can perceive my rambling brain mush? yes </3#c: batman secret files: clownhunter#crypt's panels#jason todd#red hood#bao pham#clownhunter
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i ate too much homemade pizza i'm so explode
#sunflower rambles#also i'm drinking monster energy pipeline punch and it's unearthing something in me#like i barely ever try other monster flavours cus i live in Nowhere and there's nothing here but#i went to a bigger store this time and i got a bunch of flavours#it feels so UNREAL#also i barely drink energy drinks in general but even if i do they do nothing to me. i still get so Sleepy#anyways yeah i think i'm gonna blow up soon
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good morning!! <333
#woo almost finished with exploration#got like 92% through it#and i have 53/55 hydroculus (which i'm certain two are in the final area of the quest so I'm basically caught up there)#then the shrine of depths + whatever chests are in the last area should get me the rest of the way there#bc i've explored everything else lol i think there's only one other thing i could do if that doesn't work (like a fighting challenge thingy#so that's fun!!#then i'll get to do arlecchino's story quest when I'm done (aka likely tomorrow)#also tomorrow starts the new zayne banner + it's diluc's birthday so it's gonna be a fun day :3#today should be as well#thankfully it's less rainy so that'll help make today a little less of a sleepy/lazy day#anyways#really putting rambling in the rambles tag this morning lol#but i hope today/tonight is kind to you <333#morning rambles
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So like.... what if I had many ideas for cake decorating? And what if I just bought some stuff to make some cute cupcakes? And this cake idea I have had knocking around in my head? And what if I actually tried?
#sooooo here's the thing. I've tried to make stuff (not food) on my own before and sell it#I had an etsy... it didn't uh. go well.#and so. because of past. tanking flaming failures. I am apprehension to try anything ever again. ever.#and then I talked to a financial clown dick last year (mandatory) and he shut down baking real quick#and I think he thought I meant like. full blown bakery space. which like. no. no thanks.#I just wanna make stuff in my house and basically do like? cake commissions?#like hey heres the cakes/cupcakes/candies/etc I offer I have x amount of slots open for the month put orders in a week in advance!#and like. I've THOUGHT abt this. I have thought abt what I'd offer. seasonal menus. like. I've REALLY thought abt it.#and my tax preparer was like financial clown dick is a clown dick there is some money to be made baking#and like because I have extreme like FOCUS ON THIS THING NOW!!! WOOO!!! FULL SPEED AHEAD WITH THIS THING!!!#syndrome#all I've been able to think abt now is decorating cakes & cupcakes#I ordered some stuff. I HOPE HOPE HOPE it arrives in one piece pls god 🤞🤞🤞#gonna make some stuff and see how it turns out#I have a LOT of things I could make though not JUST cake/cupcakes#so idk I'd love to get paid to make desserts & candies. even if it was just like not a TON of profit but some extra cash#to pay bills. maybe have a lil fun money.#gahhhh I'm really in my head abt this and I'm also SO sleepy I'm like hysterical rn#anyway. venting abt it here cause I don't wanna jinx it speaking abt it irl (anxiety is so much fun 🙃)#erin explains it all
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I've given up on trying to sleep at night. it just does not work. I can't do it so I might as well just sleep when I get tired.
I don't have a sleep schedule, I'm tired all the time, I fall asleep all the time. so I might as well stay up all night painting (and watching Leverage)! I'm not getting shit done so I might as well do something I enjoy.
#yesterday I made it to 9:00 and then slept until 18:00. and then slept on the couch for like 2 hours.#I'm just. so. tired.#I've literally just. wasted half the time I have to write my damn thesis! I'm trying not to think about it! because it makes me panic!#I'm hoping that once it's December I'll get so scared that it'll make me work on it again#and then just. idk hope it'll be enough to get a passing grade.#honestly at this point I don't know how I'm ever gonna work a normal job soo. what does my grade matter anyway 🙃#anyway! it's almost 8 and I'm not sleepy so that's going well etc.#also there's sooo much snow outside. it's very confusing#personal
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personally handing all of my mutuals a peach for the holidays. reblog to give your mutuals a peach for the holidays
#valentine notes#i just think peaches are. so good.#y'all it's so fucking late never let your family convince you that writing letters to each other is easier than buying gifts#my hand hurts and my brain hurts and my brain is also Not Functioning Right#words aren't wording u get what i mean? took me so many tries to write this tag my hands kept going in the wrong place#anyway. peaches are great. beautiful delicious fruit for you to hold in your hand.#mutuals you know who you are. i am personally handing you a peach#idk if peaches are in season right now i'm sure they're not#but for my mutuals. they are.#y'all i'm SO fucking sleepy right now 😭#ummm anyway peaches are a summer fruit. right???#tangy delicious beautiful for summer???#i need to stop talking i sound like i'm drunk#I FORGOT I HAD ALCOHOL#also had like half a shot of eggnog liqueur so. my brain is just Slightly Fucked Up from several different perspectives#Cannot keep talking though i'm gonna make a fucking fool of myself#happy holidays to everyone hope winter is. wintering
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a tragedy: couldn't fit a nap in my schedule
#truly tragic#no but really bc i was thinking 'yeees im gonna go back from work and take a nap before film club'#only i forgot that by the time i get from work and make dinner and walk my dog i have no time left for a nap before film club :(#and i'm so sleepy tired guys :(#feeling the weight of. everything.#god give me a break pls i'm not your strongest soldier#and i was talking with my friend today too about The Situation at uni and was like#'yknow what it's really discouraging and i'm not sure if i want to put up with all of this'#and she just said 'you can always drop out you know that right? it would be a right moment for that'#and like#I KNOW#that's the thing#I KNOW it's an option but idk it's also a Decision and i'd rather. not decide. alsjdjajfhsjdk#i think i'm going through it ummmmm#'the moment before we let go we grip the harderst' etc etc#only i'm not even gripping the hardest#what am i even saying at this point ANYWAY#i wish i could take a nap i wish i could stop time and just THINK about what i want to do and i wish i could take a month off from life#and just exist and think and plan everything out#that's enough nonsense for today bye have a good day#agnes talking
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#rant cw#🌙.txt#sorry lol but it's 5am and i should be sleeping bc i've been sleepy since 7pm but i keep THINKING#there's this emptiness in my chest and it's not exactly sadness but i feel like i'm longing for something that's just unobtainable yk.#it's kinda weird#i feel lonely but also whenever anyone tries to get closer to me i build these walls#bc after everything i've been through this year i truly feel like i shouldn't get too comfortable with ANYONE#which sucks obviously#i've also dreamed a lot about my younger sister (whom i'm not on speaking terms with rn lol) lately#and it's been bothering me bc i miss having a sister lol#i also dreamed about That One Dude™ the other day and it always leaves me feeling weird for a few days whenever it happens#which is funny bc technically i am over him but i feel like there's always gonna be that feeling of#''oh that was a good friendship that we ruined by being two pieces of shit''#it's hard to explain bc like .#i'm mostly ok with it but it's this thing that's gonna stay at the back of my mind for the rest of my life apparently#and there's also the fact that we're rlly low on money rn and it's been stressing me out#and all the resentment i've been feeling lately#i keep digging up things from when i was a kid/teen 😭 it's hell#idk there's just a lot going on in my head rn#i wish i could go back to being 17 posting ugly oversaturated 1d gifs on tumblr.com#not that i was much better then 😭 ur girl has had so many breakdowns since she was very young#anyway. enough oversharing for today
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Biker! Dan heng, Sunday and aventurine?
Sfw and NSFW
Like I'm brain dead for them
DREAM RIDE. biker! honkai star rail men part one
— featuring ┊aventurine, sunday, (il) dan heng x fem!reader (all separate)
— warnings / content warnings ┊all consensual! sfw + nsfw, feminine terms used (she, girl, etc), cunniligus (aventurine #1 pussy eater strikes again), orgasm denial (sunday), jus a tad bit of subby dan heng, semi-public s3x? (sunday), blowjob (dan heng), use of vibrators (sunday), riding (dan heng) use of nicknames, multiple orgasms, bath s3x (aventurine), sunday is a MENACE here, reader implied 2 be a lil smaller than them, v4ginal fingering (aventurine), more tba! | 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.
— a/n ┊NOT PROOFREAD ! might correct tmr if i’m not sleepy! <3 anyways hi guys writers block stopped biting my ass anyways guys i’m SOOO attracted 2 aventurine it’s acc insane he needs to be jailed from how majestic he is.. erm! whoever keeps sending asks abt biker! hsr men god bless u and ur entire family | reblogs r appreciated
⊹ 𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄
sfw.
⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who would take you out for late night rides! he’s a total drama queen, let’s get that out of the way. he loves you, yes, but he’d get so pouty whenever you turn him down for your daily night rides with him, he sulks and sulks.. clinging onto your figure until you finally say yes! jokes aside, aventurine really does enjoy your company, he really does value quality time as he would go as far to even take you out to see the stars, feel the breeze and have some fresh air, or just have a midnight snack!
“come on, baby.. 2am is nothing! just come and ride with me for a bit, i promise i’ll have you back til 3?”
⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who always finds himself buying you gifts before visiting you and such! sometimes he’d just be riding around on the road and all of the sudden his hands are full of bags and gifts just for you before he gets to your place! he’s a huge gift giver, spoiling you to the brim.
“would [name] like this one.. no no, maybe this one. hm.. maybe both.”
⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who can be insecure at times, sometimes he thinks about whether he’s truly right for you or not. like, usually he wouldn’t give in to these thoughts but there are times where he’s just riding around at night n he suddenly stops n goes.. “what if [name] is bored of me?” even though he might not show it, poor thing needs A LOT and i mean A LOT of reassurance from you, please tell him he’s good enough for you!
“my darling.. are you sure i’m right for you? i mean, you know. i’ve just been.. thinking. you’re not gonna leave, are you.. hm? ‘gonna stay with me, right?”
nsfw.
⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE absolutely loves having sex while you both take bubble baths, i mean.. it’s essential to have good hygiene, isn’t it? aventurine pumped his fingers within your pussy, circling his thumb over your clit as he licked his lips, nuzzling close against your neck. “mmh.. you like that?” his voice, husky and low as his fingers reached the deepest parts of your cunt, a sharp gasp caught in your throat as he held you firmly against him. watching you struggle to stifle your moans made him feel a combination of pride and surprise. aventurine gripped your waist lightly, offering support and reassurance. "damn, sweetheart.. are my fingers that good?" he murmured, his voice low and steady.
aventurine growled softly, pleasure coursing through him at your reaction. his fingers deeply thrusted in and out of you, feeling your tight walls spasm around his digits. with a lick of his lips, he added another finger within your drenched pussy.. the sound of water splashing against his fingers, his speed rising more and more.. stretching you delicately. "missed this," he groaned, adding more speed to his rhythm. "missed the way your body responds to me, my darling girl..” his eyes locked onto yours, seeing the desire mirrored back at him. he wanted to make you cum, that was his goal for the night.. to hear you scream his name again. the roughness of his fingers grew, the sounds of water splashing against his hand was enough to embarrass you, aeons.. he was going fast alright. “c’mon, sweetheart.. it’s been ages since i made you squirt. mmh.. these fingers are good enough to make you squirt, right?”
⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who would eat you out almost all the time, whether it’s on his motorcycle seat while he holds your body, or maybe his table filled with tools, or just a plain old bed. aventurine is willing to eat you out literally anywhere, his tongue piercing made it even better. aventurine savoured every second of this, allowing his senses to be consumed by your intoxicating flavour. your body trembled above him, carefully laid on the seat of his motorcycle as he chuckled against your pussy.. your hands buried in his hair as he delved deeper into your depths. the blonde’s tongue danced expertly, exploring every hidden crevice while his fingers played with your swollen bud. “you taste divine," he murmured against your sex, causing you to arch your back sharply. "just like the finest wine, only better." his words hung heavy in the air between them, fuelling your rising passion.
aventurine attacked your cunt hungrily, devouring your folds with complete vigor. aeons, he was obsessed with your pussy, and your taste. the way your wetness spilled out onto his tongue, mixing with the warm atmosphere surrounding the both of you drove him crazy. his large hands held you firmly against the seat of his motorcycle, hands roamed freely over your body, tweaking one of your nipples roughly while diving deeper inside your drenched pussy. your boyfriend groaned into your folds, feeling your walls tremble around him. “good darling.. such a good girl taking my tongue so well.” “.. ‘turine.. you’re gonna make me fall on here.. j—just eat me out on the desk..” you murmured, wincing when you felt a slap on your pussy. “whoops, sorry angel,” ugh.. this tease. “mm.. no-can-do, sweetheart. i like seeing you like this. just imagine, my cum leaking out of your pussy and right onto my bike.” he licked a single stripe on your cunt, chuckling when he noticed your legs quivering. “oh how fascinating would that be.”
⊹ 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘
sfw.
⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who has a habit of grabbing onto your waist, or just snaking his arm around it! i mean, he does this for many reasons.. one, to show you’re taken, and two, mm.. he just feels like it! sunday would do it on random occasions, whether he’s talking with his biker friends, at the cashier, anywhere! he loves grabbing your waist and he makes that very clear, maybe if he’s in the mood.. he’d slide his hand beneath your shirt as well wink wink
sunday glanced at your form, a small smile forming on his face when he saw you examining your surroundings. he snaked an arm around your waist, pulling your body firmly against his.
⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who’s jealousy is intense. sunday would get angry at you, give you the silent treatment, or just bluntly ignore you if you were found talking and laughing with another guy other than him. he refuses to believe that you can be happy with other guys other than him. he would glare at other people he catches staring at what’s his, he was.. possessive. and whenever you catch sight of it, he would try and manipulate you to thinking he’s doing it for your own good! because all those men that were staring at you were bad! (wow, he’s a bastard) saying this, he’s a huge manipulator.. it can be a handful dating him.
“trust me, my love. can’t you see how those men were staring at you?” his voice was soft, dangerously soft. the malicious glint in his eyes didn’t hide anything. “they’re after you, angel. they’re after what’s mine. i’m only trying to protect you. why are you so doubtful of me, hm? do you not love me anymore? are you perhaps.. bored of me?”
⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who loves being in control, this can be taken in a sexual or non sexual sense <3 sunday is assertive, and he knows what’s right for you. (most of the time!) he can be a bit controlling at times, but he means no harm! he just wants to keep you safe, promise! sometimes sunday would give you that look whenever you would try n defy him, he means business.. trust me. because of this, he can be cold and stubborn towards you at times without even knowing, geez.. he really needs to work on that.
nsfw.
⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY loves being in control, as i’ve mentioned.. but especially in bed. besides that, he’s so damn mean.. he doesn’t let you cum unless he tells you to, kissing your tears away with his lips. “ah ah ah, darling.. what did i say about cumming?” his eyes devoured your small frame, taking in every curve and angle of your body. sunday couldn't help but feel a surge of dominance and control over you, chuckling lowly. you was his, every fiber of your being was his, and he'd take care of you properly. his thrusts were hard to take in, his size and speed.. aeons. the way his cock slides in so easily had him biting his lip, he’s so mean and strict whenever you both make love, spanking you a few times whenever he sees you dozing off!
his eyes never left yours, even when he would immediately pull out when you were on the verge of orgasming, earning a sweet whine from your lips. “please.. please let me cum! sunday, baby please.. i can’t hold it anymore!” oh, how if only you knew how much he loves it when you beg. “oh baby.. i love it when you beg like that.” sunday groaned deeply from pleasure, landing another smack to your ass.. grinning at the sight of you swirling beneath him, “it only makes me wanna do this more.. it makes me wanna keep you here, stop you from cumming all over my cock. do you want that?” “n—no please.. please let me cum, sunday.. i need it—“ “keep begging, my angel. maybe i’ll let you cum if you keep begging and whining for me. come now, speak up.”
⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who absolutely loves using vibrators on you whenever you both go out together, it’s amusing to him! (stupid bastard) he would increase it’s speed at random times to catch you off guard.. for his own amusement. listen, you really love your boyfriend but sometimes you just wanna slap that stupid smile off his face. you were casually picking out some candy in the candy aisle, a soft smile on your face before you felt that same old sensation within you.. causing a gasp to leave your pretty lips. “mm.. what are you looking at here, my love?” sunday murmured softly, chuckling at your vulnerable state. “sunday.. lower the speed please..” you begged, aeons! you were stupid to even think he’d decrease it’s speed!
your boyfriend smirked, the vibrator’s speed only grew more by the second as you could feel the wetness of your pussy seep through your panties, filling you with humiliation and embarrassment as you could barely walk, holding your hand over your mouth. “fuck.. sunday please..” you knew begging wasn’t gonna get you anywhere.. you knew you would have to have that stupid thing inside you for hours on end, overstimulating your pussy and entire body while your boyfriend watched and held you with pure amusement. to your bewilderment, there were times where sunday would go as far to fingering you by a nearby alleyway, his hands drenched in your juices. this man.. you wanted to be mad at him but you couldn’t bring yourself to be. sunday’s pretty fingers dug deep into your drenched pussy, knuckles deep while he had that same stupid sadistic smile on his face. “i should put that thing in you more.. look how wet your pussy is. it’s practically drooling for me, angel.”
⊹ 𝐈𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐆
sfw.
⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who is more of a private relationship typa guy, he prefers to keep his relationships private! despite this, he still shows his love for you in many other ways, it’s easy to say that some people are even surprised he was dating you, because of how reserved he is when it came to personal matters <3 he values his and yours’ privacy, you can trust me on that!
⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who struggles putting on his helmet because of his horns (lol), you find it really cute! whenever he leaves your house, sometimes he takes 10 minutes trying to figure out how to wear a helmet because of his horns. he found this so annoying to the point he probably had a custom helmet made for him and his horns!
you nearly let out a giggle when you gazed at him, struggling to wear his helmet over his head. dan heng’s tail swished against his leg, glancing up at you with a slight frown. “[name], it’s not funny.”
⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who would teach you how to ride a motorcycle so you and him can ride around together, i mean.. you can’t blame him! he doesn’t show it much, but he really does hope to spend more time with you, and he thinks this is effective and efficient! dan heng would guide you through it slowly, keeping his hands on your waist while he helped your practice with the brakes and all you needed to know! to be honest, this was really just an excuse to touch you, but can you blame him? his large hands would brush against your hips, helping you adjust and sit properly, it’s a good thing these things take awhile to learn!
“mhm, i got you.” his thumb rubbed circles on your hips, humming. “you’re a fast learner, [name]. you never fail to surprise me.”
nsfw.
⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who just loves having your pretty mouth wrapped around his cock after an exhausting day of biking all day and night. soft gasps and whimpers left his lips as he showed a completely different side of him that night, full of pure desperation and need. “am i.. doing this right?” your voice was muffled against his dick, sending vibrations to his nerves as his hand was carefully placed atop of your head, body aching for release. “yes.. keep sucking me off like that..” with a grunt, he closed his eyes briefly while savouring the warmth of your tongue tracing circles around the sensitive slit.
"more please, baby..“ dan heng begged, arching his back slightly as your warm, wet tongue caressed the head of his cock, teasing him mercilessly before sliding down its veiny shaft. the sensation was foreign yet familiar, sending waves of pleasure coursing through his body. unable to resist any longer, he reached down, gripping your hair tightly as he thrusts his hips upward, pushing deeper into your waiting mouth.his breathing became heavier, the sound of each labored gasp echoing in the otherwise silent room, punctuated by the sloppy sounds of your mouth working him over. your tongue swirls around the base of his cock, teasing the sensitive area underneath his balls before returning to suck and stroke him feverishly. “you’re so good to me.. s.. so good to me..”
⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who would let you ride him just like how he lets you ride his motorcycles! he just wants to put your pleasure first, really. dan heng’s mind raced as he watched you ride him. he was going to lose it, he knew it very well. the sight of you bouncing on his cock, your pussy coating his cock with pure white juices, the sound of your gasps, and the feeling of your breasts against his chest created a whirlwind of emotions. he watched you struggle to stifle your moans while gripping your waist lightly, offering support and reassurance. "you’re doing great, love. fuck.. take your time and do what feels good," he encouraged, his voice low and steady.
he hoped his presence provided comfort, guiding his precious girlfriend to enjoy the sensations without feeling pressure to perform. their bodies moved in harmony together, lust fuelled by the thrill of victory as dan heng’s breaths grew ragged. his face flushed at the sight of your breasts bouncing, biting his lip at how overwhelming this was.. the sound of skin slapping against each other was all that came through, their moans punctuated the intensity of their shared moment. your hands grabbed everywhere.. his biceps, his chest, and oh.. even his horns. he was absolutely losing it. “sh—shit.. use my cock, use my cock for your own pleasure, beloved.. you’re doing so well..”
@ NEUVISTAR. do not plagiarize, claim my work as your own, translate or share my posts on any platform outside of tumblr.
#ᖭི༏ᖫྀ maryse’s diary ૮꒰˶˃̵ ^ ˂̵˵꒱ა#ᖭི༏ᖫྀ maryse answers ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა#aventurine <33#sunday <33#il dan heng <33#honkai star rail#hsr smut#hsr x reader#sunday x reader#aventurine smut#honkai star rail smut#dan heng x reader#hsr x you#sunday smut#sunday x you#aventurine x reader#dan heng smut#dan heng x you#aventurine x you
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“Daddy’s Home”
Telling the LADS Men you're pregnant. The setting? Happily Married and both parties want kids. Nothing but fluff here (All these men are substantially financially stable and I love that for us)
Zayne
MC: Zayne I have something important to tell you
Zayne: I'm listening
MC: Im pregnant
Zayne: ....
MC: Baby?
Zayne: Im going to be a father?
MC: Yes we're having a baby
Zayne: I need to childproof the house. I'll need to work more hours.
MC: You already work inhuman hours
Zayne: We need a bigger house. Should I build it? I should build it. Why are you standing? You shouldn't be on your feet
MC: Sir I am 2 minutes pregnant we have time to prepare for this bundle of joy
Zayne: They'll need a college fund, driving lessons, a tutor...
Zayne continues mumbling and mulling over every single detail to himself
MC: I guess I'll relax enough for the both of us
Rafayel
MC: Raf sit down I need to tell you something
Rafayel: Why do I need to sit down?
MC: Its safer
Rafayel: My Lemurian senses are tingling but I'll trust you
MC: Okay breath in
Rafayel: *breathes in*
MC: now breath out
Rafayel: *breathes out*
MC: I'm pregnant
Rafayel: *Chokes on his spit* WHAT!
MC: Im 2 months pregnant
Rafayel: I'm gonna be a mother????
MC: No you're gonna be a father
Rafayel: Can I handle this? Can I still eat seafood? Am I allowed to swim in the ocean?
MC: Why are you acting like you're the one carrying twins?
Rafayel: TWINS?! I GET A TWO FOR ONE DEAL?!
MC: What am I? A yard sale?? Don't say it like that
Rafayel: You’re really pregnant?
Rafayel grabs your hands and holds them to his chest where you can feel his heart racing
MC: Yes we’re going to be parents
Rafayel: you....and i....preg-.... twi-
MC: don't pass out please don't pass out right now
Rafayel: *Passes out anyway*
Xavier
MC: Xavier?
Xavier who was currently laying with his head buried in your lap with his arms wrapped around your waist.
Xavier: Hmm?
MC: Do you want a baby? With me?
Xavier rubbing small circles on your lower back with his thumb as he stirred in his sleepy state
Xavier: I want everything with you
MC: Good
Xavier: *Dozing off*
MC: Because I’m pregnant
Xavier: That’s great
MC: …
Xavier: …
MC: and 3….2……..1
Xavier: Wait what ???
MC: You heard me
Xavier: So I’m a dad?
MC: Father to be
Xavier: We have to start their swordsmanship training right away
MC: How about we take it slow like letting them grow in my stomach first?
Xavier: Oh I guess you’re probably right
MC: yea now lay back down
Xavier snuggles right back into your lap placing soft kisses on your stomach that isn’t even showing yet
Xavier: My little angel
Sylus
MC: I need your help how would you tell someone they're a father?
Luke: Im a father?!
MC: Luke shut up
Kieran: *Shoves Luke*
Luke: Sorry
MC: I just don't know how to tell Sylus
Sylus: Tell me what?
Kieran: Me and Luke are uncles now!
MC: Kieran!
Sylus: You’re pregnant?
MC: *Shows the pregnancy test* We’re having a baby
Sylus: Looks as though my efforts weren’t in vain
MC: You were trying to get me pregnant?
Sylus: Why do you think I constantly had you in a mating press?
MC: Sylus! Don’t talk like that in front of the twins
Sylus: *chuckles* I can’t wait to see you plump and glowing with our child princess
Later….
Kieran: I can’t wait to teach them sarcasm
Luke: I’m definitely doing everything their strict parents tell them not to do
Sylus: You two. Sidebar. In my office. Now.
MC, In the background: ooouu you guys are in trouble … bad uncles and the baby isn’t even here yet
#love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#lnds sylus#sylus#love and deepspace sylus#lads#lads rafayel#lads zayne#lads xavier#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#xavier love and deepspace#nikaaaaimagine
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