#ummm anyway peaches are a summer fruit. right???

[vulpinesaint]

personally handing all of my mutuals a peach for the holidays. reblog to give your mutuals a peach for the holidays

[aslanjadecarlyle]

friendly reminder that call me by your name is one of the worst books to ever exist

Don’t believe me? Here’s my review that I left on Goodreads in September. Have fun (or not).

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2770610798?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1 A grand total of: 1 Star ⭐️ My Review: (Edited To Add: When I first read this book, I, at the very least, thought that the author, Andre Aciman, was part of the LGBT+ community, but... NOPE! Asshole is a fucking STRAIGHT MAN. MOTHERFUCK.) And the most disappointing read of the year goes to... Lads, I hated this book. Absolutely fucking hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it. Words cannot describe how much I fucking regret reading this book — it just might be one of the worst books I have /ever/ read. I literally cannot deal. There were a few different reasons why I hated this book, all of which I will go into, but there was one reason why I hated it most of all, and I’ll put that reason here: Elio. I. COULD. NOT. STAND. HIM. OH MY GOD. This asshole. Full disclosure, before I go on, I am asexual as fuck. I do not feel sexual attraction, never have, probably never will. I am also sex-repulsed — However, I AM sex-positive. Normally, I do not give a single fuck what people do in their sex lives as long as everything is legal and consensual, and as long as it doesn’t involve me. However, this little asshole was a motherfucking CREEP. I get it. He’s 17. Most 17 year olds who actually do feel sexual attraction are horny as fuck, all day, every day. They probably, like, look up porn and shit — before PornHub, there was Playboy. Can’t relate, but okay. It’s whatever. BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE ANY OF WHAT THIS KID DID. (Pretty big spoilers from here on out, heyo). Right, so he pretty much starts lusting after Oliver 0.2 seconds after meeting the dude. It is literally your textbook definition of instalust, and if you looked it up in the dictionary you would see Elio’s face (do we ever even learn his last name???) in the dictionary. He starts fantasizing about Oliver’s cock right off the bat. Fine. Creepy, but whatever. I thought his little comment comparing Oliver’s ass and balls to an apricot was pretty cringey (he literally went as far as to call it Oliver’s “apricock”), but I would EASILY take a million apricocks over the bullfuckery (no pun intended) that happens next. But first, before we even get into the cringey sex shit, I would like to point out that there is a point somewhere in the beginning part of this book where Elio literally wishes that, “Oliver was a cripple in a wheelchair so he couldn’t run away.” If that’s not the direct quote, it’s pretty damn close. UMMM. Nice dose of casual ableism there, but okay. Moving on. Okay, so basically the context of the relationship is that Elio is a kid from Italy, and during the summer his parents run a vacation home. They rent out some rooms in the house, including Elio’s bedroom (he temporarily moves into a smaller spare bedroom whenever this happens). Oliver is an American and he’s vacationing in Italy for like 6 weeks, so they rent out Elio’s room and he moves into the spare during this time. Fantastic. So, pretty quickly after Oliver moves in for the summer, Elio catches him wearing swim trunks. Totally normal, it’s summer, it’s hot, and Oliver is staying at a resort near the beach. He is totally justified in wearing swim trunks during this time. Except Elio takes things to a whole new damn level, and after seeing Oliver in these evidently very sexy swim trunks, he sneaks into Oliver’s room. His justification of this very brilliant decision is basically, “Well, it’s actually MY room and he’s just borrowing it so I am TOTALLY JUSTIFIED in going through his belongings.” Right. Anyway, so this kid starts snooping through Oliver’s room (I will be calling it Oliver’s room during this review since he’s renting it). He starts snooping through their guest’s clothes and shit, starts going through his closet... and, lo and behold, what is the very first thing Elio finds in said closet? The very smexy swim trunks. (They’re red, in case you wanted to know). And so. What does Elio do upon finding these sexy red swim trunks? This absolute treasure among treasures? First, he takes the swim trunks out of the closet. And then... He :) holds the swim trunks up to his face :) and INHALES the scent of the inside of the crotch area :) where Oliver’s dick goes. :) BONUS POINTS: He also narrates that he wishes! he could find! “some sort of bodily fluid or a pubic hair!” 😍 I mean, what a guy, hey? *TV Announcer Voice* BUT! THAT’S! NOT! ALL! So while Elio is in Oliver’s room, he, naturally, has to strip naked and try on Oliver’s swim trunks. Because that is very clearly the next step in creepiness after inhaling some random dude’s cock-smelling swim trunks like it’s a goddamn Yankee candle. But that’s not even the weirdest thing that happens. I can’t remember if this happened before, during, or after Elio tried on the trunks (this entire scene was a goddamn nightmare — one of many), but at some point before leaving Oliver’s room, Elio gets on the bed, finds a pillow that Oliver brought with him, and :) dry humps :) the goddamn thing. :) Literally puts it between his legs and rides it out like a goddamn pony. Why I didn’t stop reading at that point, I will never know, but sometime after all this happens, a sort-of relationship forms between Elio and Oliver (more like a summer fling). I have no idea what Italy’s age of consent laws are, so that’s really not my place to say — I don’t want to seem like I’m defending the situation, and I know that most of my rant has been about Elio, but I just... the whole situation is really hard to judge, in my opinion. Oliver’s in his early 20s so the age gap isn’t HUGE huge, but he is American while Elio is Italian, different countries with different laws, so like... that further muddies the age of consent shit. But, even if the ages WEREN’T a problem, the relationship itself is a goddamn train wreck. Overthinking it all highkey stresses me out. Instead, Imma just tell y’all about an ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING thing that happened afterwards because WHAT THE FUCK. WHY WAS THIS IN A FUCKING BOOK. OH MY GOD. (I feel like I’m radiating strong Gus from How To Be A Normal Person vibes right now and, honestly, I need my inner Gus to get me through this shit because WHAT THE FUCK). So, they hook up and have sex for the first time. Whatever. I don’t even know what the fuck happened because, honestly, the writing style was not the best (I’ll rant about that later, if I make it through this shit) and they did this thing where they called each other by each other’s names during sex (which is, I guess, where the title comes from — hardy har har). The idea is fine in retrospect, but between the name-swapping and the shitty writing style, the scene overall was very confusing to read. All I got out of it was that Elio bottomed and Oliver topped. (<—— Almost accidentally typed Gus there and, um, Gustavo Tiberius deserves better than that. I am so sorry, Gus). After they have sex, Elio starts to question whether that was a good idea, whether he was actually into Oliver like that, etc., etc.. And at some point during all of this — I don’t even know how or why this became a thing — he ends up fucking a peach. You read that right. He :) fucks :) a :) peach. :) Like, I’m talking, splits it open and just! shoves his cock right on through! He even cums in the damn thing! ... And, like, I have never seen the movie, but I looked it up, AND THAT SCENE IS IN THE GODDAMN MOVIE. LITERALLY COMES UP AS “THE PEACH SCENE.” WHY. WHY. WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY. What kind of American Pie, 50 Shades bullshit did I just read AND WHY DID ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT IT. Oh, and, uh, Oliver eats the peach. Just. Gobbles that thing up like it’s his favorite piece of goddamn candy. At that point, my soul just kinda detached itself from my body and plummeted straight into hell. I have become numb to any sort of emotion, and I am never touching a goddamn peach ever again, oh my god. So um. Yeah. Outside of the creepy sex shit and questionable age shit, the book was actually boring as fuck. I thought I would actually like the Italian setting, but nope! Outside of being traumatized, I have absolutely no recollection of what happens after Oliver and Elio go to Rome together. All I remember is that I’m pretty sure the ending was bullshit. And the writing style was Not Great either. The author tried SO HARD to be stupidly poetic and it absolutely did not work in the goddamn slightest (especially during the sex scenes, with fruit and otherwise). The paragraphs were super long and rambling, and the author went through patches of writing where he just. Straight up did not break the paragraphs at all when a conversation happened. I read whole paragraphs where I had no idea who was talking because it went back and forth so much. I have no idea if that was done as a stylistic choice, but it was bullshit and I’m judging everyone who liked it. Why??? Did this??? Goddamn book??? Become a movie??? I have never wanted to roundhouse kick a book into the goddamn ocean so badly. I regret ever buying it. I regret not stopping after the goddamn swim trunks shit. I want my money back. In conclusion, to sum up this goddam monstrosity of a book: WHY. (If you want better LGBT+ books, please consider reading How To Be A Normal Person by T.J. Klune, A Light Amongst Shadows by Kelley York & Rowan Altwood, or A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice & Virtue by Mackenzi Lee, just to name a few. They are all SO much better than this goddamn... experience... and do not include questionable age laws. And also, the first two titles are written by indie authors who are part of the LGBT+ community!)

[budapestalloveragain]

surpriseeeee i haven’t done 2 more tags!! dia @heartsalmighty tagged me in a 21 (? i mean it’s called 20 questions but there are 21 lol) question tag and marlon @lovelybenny tagged me in a 39 question tag so i guess this is like ...a 59 (60??) question tag kinda... thank you so much dia and marlon for tagging me !! sorry i took so long xD

name: april

nickname: what can you even do with my name lol 

zodiac: libra babyyyy

height: 5′2″ rip i’m so short xD

orientation: 100% no clue, i was thinking maybe bi or pan but now i’m like just...confused 

nationality: american, but i was born in china 

favorite fruit: bananas !!! i feel like no one likes bananas but i love them haha (strawberries and peaches are a close second though)

favorite season: fall probably, but i kinda like spring into summer (i like summer bc no school lol)

favorite book: nineteen minutes by jodi picoult

favorite flower: i don’t really have one? daisies are cute though ^-^

favorite scent: like... the scent of food tbh

favorite color: rEDDDD

favorite animal: pandas 

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: neither really, i don’t like hot drinks

average hours of sleep: not enough lol

favorite fictional characters: so many... claire temple is my #1 forever and ever though <3

number of blankets you sleep with: 1

dream trip: south korea :P what a surprise (more places in asia in general though, like indonesia, philippines, singapore...)

blog created: december 2014, it’s been 2 years already wow!

number of followers: 591 (why ?? couldn’t tell you)

are you named after someone? april from the comic “for better or for worse” bc in case you didn’t know i was born in october soooo

when was the last time you cried? when i went to see lion bc oh my god idk if it’s just bc it’s like personally kinda relatable to me or something else but i couldn’t stop it was so bad

do you like your handwriting? some days haha

what is your favourite lunch meat? chipotle chicken ^-^

do you have kids? nopeeee i want some later though!

if you were another person, would you be friends with you? probably not lol i think i’m really annoying xD depends on who i was though

do you use sarcasm? what do you think :P

do you still have your tonsils? yep!

would you bungee jump? no omg i’d probably throw up or pass out mid air oh my lord

what is your favourite kind of cereal? cherrios !!! i also like crispix and grape nuts though

do you untie your shoes when you take them off? nope lol i just slip them off

do you think you’re a strong person? physically no, i can literally lift nothing, but like emotionally ...potentially ? i’m doing alright in life so far

what is your favourite ice cream? BANANAAAA but only from my local ice cream store haha also coffee as a more general thing (but the one from my local ice cream store is the best imo)

what is the first thing you notice about people? hair probably

what is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? so many things to choose from lol

what colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? navy gym shorts w/ lavender accents & light grey socks w/ pink accents

what are you listening to right now? my kpop playlist, what else xD (specifically rhythm ta by iKON, what a fucking song)

if you were a crayon, what colour would you be? oh gosh idk maybe like some wacky lime green color haha

favourite smell? oh whoops i already answered this one ummm yeah still food lol

who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my mom

favourite sport to watch? wait actually i really like watching sports xD especially in the olympics !! my favs are soccer (like at all times tbh, i used to play soccer so i actually understand it lol and fun fact i’ve decided my fav team is fc barcelona but i can’t tell you anything about them), swimming, synchronized diving (and normal diving but specifically synchro), gymnastics (rhythmic & artistic + acro omg yes acro is so cool)

hair colour? super super dark brown

eye colour? dark brown too lol

do you wear contacts? nopeee i’m too scared to touch my eye haha (i have glasses though, i can’t see for shit)

favourite food to eat? chicken in any form but also potato chips and ice cream (and bananas lol at all times)

scary movies or comedy? comedy bc i love to laugh & also i’m so easily scared xD

last movie you watched? ummm i tried rewatching the hannah montana movie but i couldn’t do it lol i never realized how unrealistic everything was ??? like she definitely should have been able to get into her own concert lol and people dEFINITELY would have figured out who she was ?? the security was so bad ?? anyways lol i think before that it was probably i am not your negro which was really good

what colour shirt are you wearing? a white shirt that’s like a lil pink bc i wore it for holi last week and most of the color came out but not all of it

summer or winter? summer bc no school lol

hugs or kisses? hugs <3 

what book are you currently reading? we just finished gatsby for english (what a wild ride omg) and i’m supposed to be starting small great things (by jodi) for my english final

who do you miss right now? my friends from 3rd grade, they’re from japan and they came here for like 9 months but then they had to move back :( i haven’t actually seen them in person since march of 2009 which is really crazy but i’ve emailed them this whole time and tbh idk why we don’t like text or anything lol there have been so many technological advancements i should get on that xD

what is on your mouse pad? i don’t use one with my laptop but i have one for my desktop with a happy kitty playing in a field ^-^

what is the last tv program you watched? that episode of the office where dwight sets the fire xD

what is the best sound? i like the sound of like typing keys but not the new or old apple keyboards, like the microsoft ones ? the sound effect they use in commercials when someone’s typing

rolling stones or the beatles? the beatles forever and ever, they’re like almost as big a part of my childhood as the sound of music was

what is the furthest you have ever traveled? china haha

do you have a special talent? not really lol i can move my pinky toe super far from the rest of my toes with both feet though xD

where were you born? xiangyin, hunan, china

that took me way too long lol but okay ummm i’m gonna tag ejay @thriftmom, hanna @copyplier & amy @foureyedvisual (no worries if you don’t wanna!) + anyone who wants to !!

[aslanjadecarlyle]

book review: call me by your name

note: I posted this review on Goodreads in September of 2019. I’ve considered posting it here too, and finally caved.

enjoy.

My Review: (Edited To Add: When I first read this book, I, at the very least, thought that the author, Andre Aciman, was part of the LGBT+ community, but... NOPE! Asshole is a fucking STRAIGHT MAN. MOTHERFUCK.) And the most disappointing read of the year goes to...

Lads, I hated this book. Absolutely fucking hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it. Words cannot describe how much I fucking regret reading this book — it just might be one of the worst books I have /ever/ read. I literally cannot deal. There were a few different reasons why I hated this book, all of which I will go into, but there was one reason why I hated it most of all, and I’ll put that reason here: Elio. I. COULD. NOT. STAND. HIM. OH MY GOD. This asshole. Full disclosure, before I go on, I am asexual as fuck. I do not feel sexual attraction, never have, probably never will. I am also sex-repulsed — However, I AM sex-positive. Normally, I do not give a single fuck what people do in their sex lives as long as everything is legal and consensual, and as long as it doesn’t involve me. However, this little asshole was a motherfucking CREEP. I get it. He’s 17. Most 17 year olds who actually do feel sexual attraction are horny as fuck, all day, every day. They probably, like, look up porn and shit — before PornHub, there was Playboy. Can’t relate, but okay. It’s whatever. BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE ANY OF WHAT THIS KID DID. (Pretty big spoilers from here on out, heyo). Right, so he pretty much starts lusting after Oliver 0.2 seconds after meeting the dude. It is literally your textbook definition of instalust, and if you looked it up in the dictionary you would see Elio’s face (do we ever even learn his last name???) in the dictionary. He starts fantasizing about Oliver’s cock right off the bat. Fine. Creepy, but whatever. I thought his little comment comparing Oliver’s ass and balls to an apricot was pretty cringey (he literally went as far as to call it Oliver’s “apricock”), but I would EASILY take a million apricocks over the bullfuckery (no pun intended) that happens next. But first, before we even get into the cringey sex shit, I would like to point out that there is a point somewhere in the beginning part of this book where Elio literally wishes that, “Oliver was a cripple in a wheelchair so he couldn’t run away.” If that’s not the direct quote, it’s pretty damn close. UMMM. Nice dose of casual ableism there, but okay. Moving on. Okay, so basically the context of the relationship is that Elio is a kid from Italy, and during the summer his parents run a vacation home. They rent out some rooms in the house, including Elio’s bedroom (he temporarily moves into a smaller spare bedroom whenever this happens). Oliver is an American and he’s vacationing in Italy for like 6 weeks, so they rent out Elio’s room and he moves into the spare during this time. Fantastic. So, pretty quickly after Oliver moves in for the summer, Elio catches him wearing swim trunks. Totally normal, it’s summer, it’s hot, and Oliver is staying at a resort near the beach. He is totally justified in wearing swim trunks during this time. Except Elio takes things to a whole new damn level, and after seeing Oliver in these evidently very sexy swim trunks, he sneaks into Oliver’s room. His justification of this very brilliant decision is basically, “Well, it’s actually MY room and he’s just borrowing it so I am TOTALLY JUSTIFIED in going through his belongings.” Right. Anyway, so this kid starts snooping through Oliver’s room (I will be calling it Oliver’s room during this review since he’s renting it). He starts snooping through their guest’s clothes and shit, starts going through his closet... and, lo and behold, what is the very first thing Elio finds in said closet? The very smexy swim trunks. (They’re red, in case you wanted to know). And so. What does Elio do upon finding these sexy red swim trunks? This absolute treasure among treasures? First, he takes the swim trunks out of the closet. And then... He :) holds the swim trunks up to his face :) and INHALES the scent of the inside of the crotch area :) where Oliver’s dick goes. :) BONUS POINTS: He also narrates that he wishes! he could find! “some sort of bodily fluid or a pubic hair!” 😍 I mean, what a guy, hey? *TV Announcer Voice* BUT! THAT’S! NOT! ALL! So while Elio is in Oliver’s room, he, naturally, has to strip naked and try on Oliver’s swim trunks. Because that is very clearly the next step in creepiness after inhaling some random dude’s cock-smelling swim trunks like it’s a goddamn Yankee candle. But that’s not even the weirdest thing that happens. I can’t remember if this happened before, during, or after Elio tried on the trunks (this entire scene was a goddamn nightmare — one of many), but at some point before leaving Oliver’s room, Elio gets on the bed, finds a pillow that Oliver brought with him, and :) dry humps :) the goddamn thing. :) Literally puts it between his legs and rides it out like a goddamn pony. Why I didn’t stop reading at that point, I will never know, but sometime after all this happens, a sort-of relationship forms between Elio and Oliver (more like a summer fling). I have no idea what Italy’s age of consent laws are, so that’s really not my place to say — I don’t want to seem like I’m defending the situation, and I know that most of my rant has been about Elio, but I just... the whole situation is really hard to judge, in my opinion. Oliver’s in his early 20s so the age gap isn’t HUGE huge, but he is American while Elio is Italian, different countries with different laws, so like... that further muddies the age of consent shit. But, even if the ages WEREN’T a problem, the relationship itself is a goddamn train wreck. Overthinking it all highkey stresses me out. Instead, Imma just tell y’all about an ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING thing that happened afterwards because WHAT THE FUCK. WHY WAS THIS IN A FUCKING BOOK. OH MY GOD. (I feel like I’m radiating strong Gus from How To Be A Normal Person vibes right now and, honestly, I need my inner Gus to get me through this shit because WHAT THE FUCK). So, they hook up and have sex for the first time. Whatever. I don’t even know what the fuck happened because, honestly, the writing style was not the best (I’ll rant about that later, if I make it through this shit) and they did this thing where they called each other by each other’s names during sex (which is, I guess, where the title comes from — hardy har har). The idea is fine in retrospect, but between the name-swapping and the shitty writing style, the scene overall was very confusing to read. All I got out of it was that Elio bottomed and Oliver topped. (<—— Almost accidentally typed Gus there and, um, Gustavo Tiberius deserves better than that. I am so sorry, Gus). After they have sex, Elio starts to question whether that was a good idea, whether he was actually into Oliver like that, etc., etc.. And at some point during all of this — I don’t even know how or why this became a thing — he ends up fucking a peach. You read that right. He :) fucks :) a :) peach. :) Like, I’m talking, splits it open and just! shoves his cock right on through! He even cums in the damn thing! ... And, like, I have never seen the movie, but I looked it up, AND THAT SCENE IS IN THE GODDAMN MOVIE. LITERALLY COMES UP AS “THE PEACH SCENE.” WHY. WHY. WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY. What kind of American Pie, 50 Shades bullshit did I just read AND WHY DID ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT IT. Oh, and, uh, Oliver eats the peach. Just. Gobbles that thing up like it’s his favorite piece of goddamn candy. At that point, my soul just kinda detached itself from my body and plummeted straight into hell. I have become numb to any sort of emotion, and I am never touching a goddamn peach ever again, oh my god. So um. Yeah. Outside of the creepy sex shit and questionable age shit, the book was actually boring as fuck. I thought I would actually like the Italian setting, but nope! Outside of being traumatized, I have absolutely no recollection of what happens after Oliver and Elio go to Rome together. All I remember is that I’m pretty sure the ending was bullshit. And the writing style was Not Great either. The author tried SO HARD to be stupidly poetic and it absolutely did not work in the goddamn slightest (especially during the sex scenes, with fruit and otherwise). The paragraphs were super long and rambling, and the author went through patches of writing where he just. Straight up did not break the paragraphs at all when a conversation happened. I read whole paragraphs where I had no idea who was talking because it went back and forth so much. I have no idea if that was done as a stylistic choice, but it was bullshit and I’m judging everyone who liked it. Why??? Did this??? Goddamn book??? Become a movie??? I have never wanted to roundhouse kick a book into the goddamn ocean so badly. I regret ever buying it. I regret not stopping after the goddamn swim trunks shit. I want my money back. In conclusion, to sum up this goddam monstrosity of a book: WHY. (If you want better LGBT+ books, please consider reading How To Be A Normal Person by T.J. Klune, A Light Amongst Shadows by Kelley York & Rowan Altwood, or A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice & Virtue by Mackenzi Lee, just to name a few. They are all SO much better than this goddamn... experience... and do not include questionable age laws. And also, the first two titles are written by indie authors who are part of the LGBT+ community!).