#anyway i really need to go to bed its like 2:30 am and i have work at 10:30. LOL

[poggersmoment]

every once in a while i remember the login to this account

[toastsnaffler]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

[111ikuyuh]

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚TRUST AND THE UNIVERSE ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Intro: ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

🦇hi everyone...im posting this to help you manifest, shift etc! So allow me to explain. If you want to shift or manifest...you have to trust in yourself. You literally don't even have to trust if its real or not but just trust in yourself and your power. I realized this after doing something regarding lucid dreaming. I was doing the mild technique and I didn't fully believe in it but i tried anyways...and yeah I didn't lucid dream but I realized something. I simply intended and visualized before bed to wake up at 3-4am and guess what? I did. 3:30 am or something I think. Even tho I didn't lucid dream, I had a small success that made me realize I literally just needed to try and trust it.

🦴Explaining: ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

🕸So...what exactly even is trusting? Imagine going on a roller coaster as a child and your scared....but your mom or dad holds your hand and tells you your okay. You're still scared and may have your doubts but you do it anyways and end up having a great time. Think of trust as simply trying and believing regardless of the circumstances!

🦴Trust and the "3d": ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

🕷I dont exactly believe in the 3d. Think of the 3d as a complete illusion that you just happen to believe is real. The 3d is real, yes...but the 3d is also bullshit because YOU choose it all. You are in a reality where from birth we are programmed to think what Im saying is fake and that magic is fake...etc. But it's not! So remeber in that example about the scared kid with the roller coaster? Yeah...that fear is your "doubts". But those have zero power over you. And the care taker holding your hand? That's me and every other truthful manifestor and shifter telling you this. And you? You are the scared kid going to do this and totally rock this! You are going to trust and have faith (even if its little) and just believe. Remeber...the "3d" is just bs and a refelction of your thoughts. Oh you think this will take weeks to trust? No duh! If your thinking like that. What I want you to do is just remeber that the "3d" is JUST a reflection of your thoughts. And it is real but all you need to do is shift your awareness to that reality where you have blah blah or shift your awareness to your dr. Also if you didn't know...shifting and manifesting are the same thing but manifesting is like a "sub genre:" of shifting. I'll explain that in another post.

🦇Method: ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

🕷This is a simple method I'm making up on the spot which will be similar to the intetion method. You can use this for manifesting And shifting. It's a few steps really 🦴STEP 1: Have desire 🦴STEP 2: The moment you think it you truly do have it. And if your like "you don't see it" no offence but you might as well start over cause that's how you "fail" hun. I dont care what the hell you see according to that dck "3d" THE FACT YOUR IMAGINING IT MEANS YOUR DESIRE IS THERE AND DONE. Trust in that. I dont care if it takes an entire year, the "3d" is forced to follow your desires if you persist and trust you really have it. It IS guaranteed but only if you make it guaranteed

☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆:

Ps...you can manifest and shift to whatever. You may have limits in this specific reality like you can't fly...but shift your awareness to a reality where you CAN fly. Everything you can an can't comprehend exists already through an infinite amount of realities. Manifesting is the same as shifting and is as easy as you make it. So yes you could manifest a unicorn if you want. Or if you want a long dck you can manifest it...you can manifest your ariana grande for gods sakeᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

xoxo, seifarria signed out♥♥

Edit: tbh...idk what I was yappin about here. Uhm...forget I made this unless it was actually useful to you but take this with a grain of salt. I had something here but I was wording it all weird. This is totally going into the gutters of my tumblr acc

[troublesjunkyard]

So I was super tired! Like, so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. So I rested my eyes at 4:19 pm (Because I wanted to talk to my mom when she got home at around 4:30.) and then went to bed around 4:40.

I then got woken up by Puppy Chaos opening my door at around 5:00. So I shooed him off and locked my door, (With the chain lock.) but he continued to open my door. (As much as the chain would allow.) I finally got him to stop opening my door around 5:30 - 5:40 and went back to bed.

But then I got woken up again by my mom having a loud argument over the phone with her mom. (And I mean loud. I could hear her with my door shut, and music playing on a speaker right next to me. [I don't remember if my AC was on at the time. That's really a 50-50 in the equation.]) I fell back asleep a few minutes after waking up because I just tuned out the argument.

But I then woke up around 9:30 to my mom yelling at Tucker for being a dick to Puppy Chaos while she was feeding them. (Because I [tried] to go to sleep early so I didn't feed them like I was supposed to.) And thus ends all the nonsense I was woken up to.

...

I then woke up on my own at around 10:30, so I went back to sleep. But then I woke up again at around 11:30, so I went back to bed. And again, I woke up at around 12:30 am, and again, I went back to bed. Again, I woke up at around 1:30, again, I went back to sleep. I woke up at 2:12 and was pretty pissed; it hadn't even been an hour this time! well, I went back to bed anyway. When I woke up at 2:25 I just gave up entirely.

I wasn't even sleeping in hour blocks anymore, so why bother? I wanted to sleep all night to try and fix my sleep schedule, that way I would have a good sleep schedule when I start work. (Even if I don't start for another week and a half.) But my body said "No! Fuck you!" so I just stopped trying.

I then got up and decided to do a couple of chores. I unloaded the dishwasher and took out the trash.

And we're about to sell a bunch of our shit, so I cleaned some of the stuff. I cleaned the dining room table and the two chairs that go with it, the living room TV, the TV stand, and the two TV trays.

The TV stand was so dirty! I wiped it over with one paper towel to get the bulk of the dust off and then proceeded to use 7 Clorox wipes to clean off the rest of the dust. It has shelves/sections, so I used one Clorox wipe for each section, (5) but one needed two Clorox wipes to clean off, (6) I then used one more Clorox wipe to wipe down all five sections to make sure it was clean. (7) The last Clorox wipe came up with some dirt, but it didn't look like it was just dumped in a mud puddle like the other six did.

Also, I didn't want to sit down while cleaning the TV stand, (It's low to the ground.) so I crouched down instead; but my body had different ideas. My kneecaps move a lot more than the average person, and I can literally grab my kneecap and move it almost completely out of its socket. (My legs needs to be straight and limp/relaxed to do this though.) But while I was crouching, my left kneecap decided to move itself and lock up. (When this happens, I just have to straighten my leg and it will pop back in place. But it's painful to move my leg when it's like that, and it's painful when my kneecap snaps back into place.) I ended up falling on my ass when I was trying to straighten my leg from the crouched position I was in. But hey, me falling on my ass allowed me to be able to straighten my leg.

I also have a wound on my... chest that's super infected, and a line of 3 months worth (Maybe a bit longer than that.) of dust got onto the wound when I fell and the TV stand opened up the wound. So yeah, that's definitely not gonna get any more infected than it already is. :/

After all that went down, and I put the TV and TV trays in the office, I ended up making my mom a cup of coffee because I heard her 4:00 am alarm go off. So that's how my day is starting off...

Anyway, how are you doing, Trouble?

Damn your sleep schedule is more fucked up than mine was...

And fixing sleep schedules can be really hard especially when your body isn't playing along. My sleep schedule is more separated in several blocks and some small naps but back to the point.

I'm okay (*^▽^*)

Very exhausted, much stressed but soon I've got some weeks off so-

A small light on the end of the tunnel for me hooray!

I hope you can sleep better the next time. I'll try to send you some of my tiredness /j (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

[ramblingsofafanatic]

WIP Game

Thank you @martianbugsbunny and @seth-shitposts for tagging me (both here and my main account)! I've hit a bit of an art/writers block so maybe this will help me get out of it. (Please i have too many wips save me)

Rules: In a new post, list the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I have quite a bit so i'll organize them below a read more, because ive decided to hell with it have the name of all 61 of my wip files from various fandoms xD. Theyre not all like the official title - just the document names.

Also since I have so many WIPs, i am tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it! I'm being serious if no one else has tagged you directly please take this as your opportunity to talk about your wips (and like you can tag me as the person who tagged you so i can ask you about your wips? please?)

We will put these in the order of what i think will be most interesting to people, not necessarily the order of my personal interests rn lol

Kalluzeb:

1. Part 4 - I Love You (I Know You 'verse)

2. Adoption fic

3. Autistic!Kallus

4. Bedtime

5. Caf Shop AU

6. Lasat-Cat Likeness

7. part-time soulmate, full time problem

8. are you okay?

DinLuke:

9. "You will be the end of me"

10. A merry, crackling fire

11. Assassination attempt

12. Bed rest

13. Broken bone

14. Chronic pain

15. Crying

16. Death of a sibling

17. Identity Crisis

18. Imposter Syndrome

19. Loneliness

20. Making Out

21. Scars

22. Sleeping on the couch

23. Social Anxiety

24. Warm Blankets

Newmann:

25. Taking Care

26. There are many benefits to being a marine biologist

Danbert:

27. Dan doesn't need to know. but he finds out anyways.

28. Dan praise kink testing

29. Herbert Nightmares

30. Megan's brother

31. puns

PatCap

32. Professors!AU

Codywan:

33. ORDER 66 BECAUSE PAIN

34. Royalty/Bodyguard AU

Obikin:

35. Modern!AU

Hankcon:

36. Baked With Love

Good Omens:

37. Season 2 fix-it

TBB

38. Platonic Techo

Balaine (my oc world)

39. Valyra and Nomi

40. Cities and Towns Descriptions

41. Customs and Rituals Ideas

42. History of Balaine

Other Original Stories

43. Adalia

44. Dear Ceylan

45. Nick Of Time

46. Favourite Record

Thrawn x Reader

47. Empire Doesn't Have Sick Days

48. Looking For This?

TBB x Reader (really inventive titles with these ones)

49 The Tech Hug Research Proposal

50. Crosshair 1

51. Echo 1

52. Hunter 1

53. Tech 1

54. Wrecker 1

Kallus x Reader

55. kallus x reader

Prequels

56. anakin x reader

57. anakin x padme x reader

58. would you do the same for me? (obiwan x reader)

The Sandman:

59. 5 times you kiss morpheus and 1 time he kisses you

Shame fics (its piss kink im sorry)

60. Shame xD (Kalluzeb)

61. Listen... dont read this filth (Danbert)

AND DONE!! Bet you thought i was lying about the 61 wips huh? i was tempted to cut out quite a bit of these but as i said earlier: fuck it have fun go for it, plenty to choose from.

[polyamorouspunk]

I have so much going on right now (/neg) so I was wondering if you would share anything you do whenever you're stressed/sad to cheer up :')

Escapism is my usual route. However, if there’s something that needs doing that I’m putting off I will do OTHER things that need doing instead. Can’t do math homework, say, if I’m busy putting away my laundry and doing the dishes and sweeping the floor, etc. Like if you’re going to avoid doing what needs to be done you at least need to do something else that needs to be done in its place. Aka NOT escapism. I also stress eat. I’m probably gaining weight this month into next month because my chocolate intake has probably tripled because I just eat chocolate while I’m doing my math homework. I reward myself with things to do AFTER my math homework for the day is done (like sleeping, or coloring, or watching YouTube, aka escapism), but if I choose NOT to do math homework, I need to do something productive instead (chores). I break up my math homework into sections. Yesterday I finished at like 1:30 I think, it’s 2:20 now and I am still not done but I need to finish, so like I’m not doing anything like making lunch or relaxing until it’s done, but obviously since I’m answering this ask I am taking a break. I can have escapism after I finish my math and I will not make myself do chores today since math homework = chores. I am going to do laundry just because I have today off anyway but if I had work after like I will tomorrow I wouldn’t be.

Basically, when I am stressed from An Event (aka not a class I’m taking for multiple months and therefore can plan) I sleep if it’s really bad.

If it’s not that bad (like perhaps one day of math) I might stress eat.

If I don’t have chores (like math) and I am sad/stressed I will use escapism (watching tv, listening to a podcast and coloring, video games, etc.)

When I am in a depressive slump I WILL try and force myself to shower/get dressed/go outside. If it is 75 and sunny and I am like uwu I woke up sad then I am getting dressed and forcing my ass to go outside and photosynthesis.

If I am in a depressive slump but I showered yesterday and I don’t need to shower again today and it’s 45 out I will allow myself a sad cozy depressed day in bed.

If I am in a depressive slump and it’s 45 out but it’s been 4 days since I’ve showered and I have to go to work I am forcing myself to shower and get dressed as soon as I get up.

Tomorrow I’ll probably take my test, shower and get dressed right after since it’ll have been 3 days at that point, and then allow myself escapism before I have to go to work.

Yesterday it was 70 so I did math and then got dressed and had outside escapism.

Today it is not 70 so I will be finishing this math and not getting dressed and doing inside escapism. Which at this point may involve taking a nap because the stress is more than it has been in a while. First though I will be eating lunch and chocolate. Because oh my god. Jfc.

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Kenma hanging out with his 6 month old baby because her mom went to work (training is very rough now!!)

9:00 AM

“ Kenma!”

“ yes babe?”

He asks leaving the bedroom.

“ Are you really busy today?? I can’t leave karrie (THATS HER NAME OKAY) to kuro cause he said he’ll be having a meeting, and akaashi said his mental health is lower than the gas prices so he can’t take care of a child right now, but anyways can you take care of her??”

“ sure babe. I just have to go to some proposals and meetings and stream until 11pm.”

“Okay! I’ll be home around 6:30 be responsible kenma!”

“ Bye! say bye karrie.”

Your husband gets his daughter’s hand and makes a wave motion.

(Baby Karrie’s POV)

10:00 AM

You’re stuck in an uncomfortable baby seat in a car where the air freshener smells like cake.

You wail.

“ whats wrong sweetheart? C’mere”

your dad then lowers the air conditioning (he thinks it’s getting too cold and he unfortunately forgot to bought an extra blanket) (you threw up on the first one)

“ Okay we’re here. If anyone looks at you weirdly just wail at their faces.” He chuckles.

“ okay everyone, what’s up? What’s the new idea?”

“ KENMA IS THAT UR KID? OH MY GOD SHE LOOKS LIKE YOU SO MUCH.” Hinata says.

 “ SEE? SHE’S SO BEAUTIFUL” kuro adds.

 “ We’re getting a little bit off-topic here guys.”

Akaashi says.

“ Can we get mcdonalds?” Bokuto asks.

“ Can you all tell me why I’m here instead of making my wailing daughter go to bed??”

“ CAN WE ADD SPARKLY CAPES TO OUR UNIFORMS??”

Bokuto asks.

“ THAT WOULD BE SO COOL CAN WE DO THAT?”

Hinata adds.

“ first off, stop yelling you’re scaring my child, second, you guys are volleyball players not superman.”

“ anything else?”

Kenma asks, getting impatient yet his daughter was chewing on the blonde tips of his hair.

“ CAN WE DO AN AD?” Bokuto says.

“For?”

“ IDK ANYTHING ELSE?”

You see your father touching the bride of his nose.

You kept on babbling random things until-

“ dada??”

“Yes- wait what?” 

“ Oh my GOD! SHE SAID HER FIRST WORD!” Bokuto screams.

“ I am so proud of that baby!” 

Kuro says.

Akaashi fell asleep on the table while hinata broke the water dispenser (its leaking on the floor) bokuto’s drawing on the whiteboard explain how having sparkly capes on uniforms would make their performance better (newsflash he most likely would trip on them)

12:00 PM

(Lunch!)

“ I’m getting hungry and those guys wasted OUR time when we could be playing games, wanna eat fruits and lunch??”

You pointed to the chips.

“ these?? I don’t think you can have these.. but heres a peice of orange.”

(Kenma’s Point of View)

1:00pm

“ We’re finally home, thank goodness, you tired sweetheart?”

You put your tired daughter on the crib, it’s nice seeing her be peaceful for a while. she looks like her beautiful mother.

As the computer opens, you post an announcement saying you’ll be streaming at 4PM ( hoping your daughter is awake by then)

2:00 PM

(Kenma’s POV)

As you prepare to stream (updating games, preparing snacks and water also 3 cans of energy drinks and somehow a bag of chips bigger than your daughter)

You get a phone call.

“ Hey honey!”

“ hey babe? Hows work?”

“ Yeah it’s good, its just that-“

You hear what’s probably sakusa and atsumu screaming at each other, kageyama and hinata not agreeing to a single thing, and bokuto on the corner who managed to squeeze himself there.

“ Y’know you could quit, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“ silly. I can’t! I like this job, these idiots are my friends, and so are yours too.”

“ I got to go babie! Bye!”

“Bye.” You say dropping the call.

3:00 PM

Just an hour left, you started the stream with a timer popping up (R THOSE RIGHT I SEE PEEPS ON TWITCH DOING THOSE)

Getting all the stuff you need on a small table next to your desk, You kinda feel lonely, your daughter is sleeping and your wife is hanging out with her friends.

“She’s better with me.”

“I miss her so much.”

4:00 PM

(kenma’s pov)

“ she’s not awake yet? That’s weird.”

You check on your daughter on the other room ( she’s still there don’t worry)

“ that’s rare.”

As the stream starts everyone and the chat goes loud.

“ hey guys. What’s up?”

After 30 minutes of being focused on a game, you check up on your daughter again.

“ She’s still asleep?? Is this even normal? She’s not crying as if we’re cooking her alive??? wow!”

He goes back to the room.

“ sorry to keep you guys waiting. Let’s continue this.”

stancats4: Why do you keep on leaving the room??

You see the question, you get a bit irritated by this question yet answer by:

“ Just busy taking care of someone special. That’s all” you smile.

The chat somehow goes wild with you smiling, this is how far they can get with you anyways.

5:00 PM

( Kenma’s POV)

 “ She’s still asleep?? Wow.” 

You’re looking at your peaceful daughter, who’s been sleeping for 4 hours now.

It’s getting lonely, you miss them both even if they’re near.

As the last game comes to an end, you ask the chat what to play next?

“ this is like the last chapter what else do you guys wanna play??”

matchalatte: you should play animal crossing!

You squint your eyes to see the suggestion

“ animal crossing?? Sure i guess.”

Moments after joining the game you hear a famillar sound.

Your daughter was crying from the other room.

You rushed there.

“ hey baby, had a great nap didn’t you?? Come here with me.”

( here’s where more chaos starts.)

“ Okay guys, let’s continue.”

“ No karrie- thats my CPU that heats up, you’ll get hurt. No- karrie!”

(He’s not mad dw)

“ what are you pointing to??”

She’s pointing to the can of energy drink.

“ You can’t have that, anyways eat this.”

You paused the game.

Your daughter ends up crying really loud.

“ What’s wrong?, this isn’t even expired.”

You taste the baby food (just checking if its still good ofc)

 “ what the- YUCK. If i was an 8 month old baby and they told me to eat this, I’d cry louder than you, let’s get you nicer food.”

He brings his laptop, and then goes to the kitchen.

“ Okay you like bananas right? Let’s mush them with honey”

after minutes of doing the work you spoon feed your daughter. 

“ Okay guys, might aswell end this. Bye for now.”

He ended it early because he thought his daughter was getting tired and scared of the webcam.

6:00 PM

As the blue sky slowly and slowly fades, you craddling your daughter, knowing this won’t last forever.

Yes she’ll always be your daughter you think, but will she always need you? Will she ever call one day and tell you how was her day? Will she ever remember you when she has a family of her own? 

This sounds like he’s overthinking yet, he just likes to think how he’s enjoying every moment because all of this, everything that surrounds him, will never last forever.

He hears the doorknob jingle a bit.

“I’m home!” (Y/N says)

“ how’s our sweet cherry??”

 “ she’s doing good, just good.”

Shout out to Venn for keeping the live action headcanons rolling 🥰

[jellorat]

Everything is Planted and I hurt

I took off Thursday, and my wife and I made three trips to Lowes. We got 24 bags of dirt, 12 at a time, and 5 huge bags of beauty bark. As you can see in the pictures the beauty bark filled out the rest of the hoop house.

The problem with having a physical disability is you like to forget and think you can do things you used to do 30 years ago. I am in rough shape. I not only filled the raised beds, added the bark, but I mowed the lawn.

My lawn mower saga is now over. I had ordered that lawn mower from Lowes, and they no-called, no-showed me three times, so I canceled and ordered a Makita battery mower from Amazon.

I was just going to test it to make sure it worked, so I could break down the box, but it was so cool, I mowed the back yard. My grass is only in tufts becuase they used nasty glass and garbage and rock filled dirt to level the lot, and got grass to grow good enough for the sales pictures. So it's a bumpy nasty yard to mow.

We also have an issue with the driveway as they only put a bare inch or so of gravel over the crappy fill dirt, and it is growing so many weeds. We are opting to use 2 cups of rock salt in 1 galloon of water to kill the weeds. I have sympathy at trying to get a house ready for sale, but a lot of corners were cut all over.

So anyways, I have things set up in the garden finally, and I was starting to wonder if I had committed a bit of overkill on the hoop house and chicken wire, until the day after I planted it all.

The damn cat, which is lovely and beautiful and feral, had dug up my mint bed to pee in it. I had to drag out the chicken wire and wrap each of those small round beds to keep him out.

All this is to say, I am dead up against a wall of sore and exhuastion today. I spent the day in bed and watched Good Eats on Discovery+ wiht the wife. She made game maps next to me while I dozed.

I have so much more to do, that it's nuts. I have 9 more curtains for the house, a kitchen cabinet box, and a coffee table. I'd have been done with this in a few days when I was healthier. Not so much now. I have to take each item day by day.

Like for instance, today I was going to sew one set of curtains, but I just can't. I hurt. It's really hard to be able to work with your hands, and be prevented because of your body's failings.

I am trying ot be patient with myself and happy that at least the garden is planted. I will need to top the beds with dirt in winter, and maybe transplant the strawberries to a fuller raised bed, but it's in its final form. Now, even when I am hurt and sore, I can still do the little planting things. As this condition progresses, I am set up to continue with my garden which brings me a lot or joy.

[orphancookie69]

8/2024: Legoland Trip!

So, my nephew was asking me to take him to Lego Land, he is off of school right now. I looked into it, and honestly it wasn't a bad price and if you did it right-it could be fun for all. So we decided to book it and goooo!

First off, let's talk about general theme park comparisons. When looking into this I considered all my socal options: (note this will be a like comparison to keep things fair)

Criteria: A 2 day park hopper for one adult and one child with a hotel.

Disneyland: Tickets are $730 and Hotel would be $467=$1,197+

Knotts: Tickets are $240 and Hotel would be $324=$564+

Legoland: Tickets are $206 and Hotel is $304=$510+

I know there are other options like Universal Studios, Seaworld, and Six Flags but this is part of why there is so much demand for Cali, so much to do! If you are going to book anywhere, consider purchasing separate-packages are not always better deals. Also consider other costs like food and parking.

I should of maybe done a post about this, but the last time I went to Knotts-they were crowded, long lines for just drinks alone, and playing "Disneyland" like games with fast passes. Wait times on the Knotts app were more for if you had a fast pass, and not all of the rides are worth an hour wait. I used to have a pass for this, and even went during COVID for food festivals and it used to be sooo good.

You will see a post before this about Disneyland too, but last time I went was with my (former) friend as she was a cast member and was going before Disney opened back up (they were closed for COVID) otherwise as a kid, my mom always had a friend who would sign us in and take us. That experience has changed so much too. I asked to go for my birthday, so it was a late birthday gift.

Planning:

So, with the decision finally made-I got into planning mode. Things to consider were:

Gas: to get there and back

Parking

Hotel: Pool, Arcade, and Daily Treasure Hunt

Park Hopper Plans

Food: Dinner could be in hotel or not, breakfast would be buffet at hotel, snacks could be brought into the park.

Budget: already spent money plus other day of spending to consider

The Trip:

The hotel was a nice mix of good quality and nice for both young and old. With the hotel, you got early access to the park. Lines in general were slow but crowds were much smaller than I was used to. You can bring snacks in. The park has good stuff for older and younger kids. Bigger place than you would think.

We did the water park when it opened and the other surprising thing is that was one of the safer places for theme parks. Like I am a bit of a watchful aunt anyways, but after I realized it was a generally safer environment compared to other parks-I let my nephew go off a bit on his own.

The amount of work that went into the park, is actually pretty impressive. I feel like I need decorations made of legos in my house now. Good mix of rides and interactive things to do. If you get a lanyard, you can ask employees (or model citizens) for push pins. If you are lucky, you can find one called "Mr Gold" made of gold.

Hotel is really comfortable, never not anything going on. The elevator turns into a dance party, every time. Room was great-pirate themed. But bed and bathroom was great, with a separated section for kids. There was even a treasure hunt for hotel guests. The prices on some of the legos you could take home too was not that bad.

I was thinking about it as we were all heading back, as much as I am an aunt in my 30's, LEGOLAND turns 25 this year. This was never really on my radar as a young girl, but I loved going to Knotts and Disneyland. I talked to my male friend from middle school, and he remembers this fondly himself. But in person, it was really neutral and with something for all ages. If you have youngers that want to go, its a pretty good time for all involved. Go have fun making core memories!

[exd1000]

Day 30: Part 2.

So what I realized is that I don’t need to be afraid of him bothering me or trying to find me bc he is a narcissist and that’s okay (it’s actually great for me) bc that means he lost interest in me and most likely will not being looking for me anyway so I really don’t need to go out of my way to hide/change anything on my end. I can honestly just move on with my life freely which funnily enough (and maybe kinda sad??) is pretty easy for me for the most part bc I am avoidant lmao. Okay but tbh weirdly enough I like the fact that it is that easy for both of us to just detach and leave rather than have to deal with emotions and do that whole back and forth again you know? So idk I guess in a way I’m kinda grateful. Lmao dude that sounds so bad but not really bc 1) truly he is a shit person 2) i don’t need to feel anxiety and have the freedom that i’ve missed.

—

Worked out and did a full mile on the versa this morning. That was crazy that was intense. Went to grab some drinks with Marisa gonna head to the bbq in a bit with my neighbor Arshia and his friend. We’ll scope it out see how it is and if anything it’s low commitment so I can just dip afterwards haha.

Okay finally back home to my pup I love him so muchie. He’s resting his head on my leg rn heh. Anyway went to the pool/bbq Keem was there and we bonded! So we met a lot of people like a lot and Bentley kinda avoided me so that was nice (for me lmao). In the end it was just Keem, Arshia, his friend, and me playing our little beach volleyball and then talking and leaving early to grab dinner together. It was nice I am glad I went and I had a good time meeting nice people. I think it was sweet (the little 4 of us) bc we’re all struggling but connecting and it’s cute bc we’re literally neighbors and Keem literally was like we’re like those neighborhood kid friends running around haha. I’m really appreciative and I really like this little life of mine. Noah also texted me to check in despite his whole situation which honestly I think is kinda cute/sweet. He asked if I wanted to go out with him and take the dogs out tomorrow evening. I said sure but I do have a bonfire with John/Athena tomorrow too so I said let’s see. Honestly it was a really eventful day I got so tan I looked so cute. These other girls added Keem and I to a group chat haha like I really am not kidding when I say that there’s just a lot of people I’m meeting now. I am really grateful and blessed like the universe is looking out for me. Okay I should head to bed I’m exhausted I’ve been out in the sun all day and it’s 11PM and I have an early morning tomorrow too. Also I know I said people’s names but at this point its too much to just use initials.

—

I wanted to discuss more about what happened. And no it’s not me crying over it but what I realized is that I knew it was a shitty situation and I allowed it to continue. Reflecting back I basically allowed myself to use him as a distraction to avoid my own personal feelings in regard to my productivity/work/etc. bc I just didn’t want to confront it. I was comfortable I was scared and I allowed myself to shift my focus onto that situation instead of trying to figure out what to do/how to move forward. Everyone knows I’ve been unsatisfied with my work life. And it sounds so bad bc why the heck am I complaining I have an amazing job amazing coworkers amazing pay everything a person could ask for yet I keep telling everyone it’s not for me. Clearly I’m unsatisfied and I’m not doing anything about it and haven’t been. I’m not gonna be reckless and throw it all away but I just really need to think more about things in that regard and I won’t have a shitty situation to distract myself from. Overall I am really grateful bc there isn’t and will not be any more conflict it’s just peace and stability for me now and I can really redirect my focus on myself and my work.

[medicinemane]

Woken up, don't know when, just that it's 8:25am now and I was tossing and turning trying to go to bed around 5am

Woken up cause my mom can't find her mouse

Well yeah, there's a trash pile next to her bed

So I get to work. Gross and frustrating, especially cause I've done this before. It's wet, I think from the gallon of sweet tea on its side, but have been any bottle of water or whatever. Mop it up with all the random tissue and napkins and paper towels

There's like a literal foot trench of trash on the bed frame between the mattress and the wall. I clean it up, no mouse, but I push the mattress actually on to the frame as far as it'll go (frame is a full and my mom didn't like... check when ordering the mattress, so it's whatever comes after full)

Begin grabbing stuff at the foot of the bed, another... inch deep minimum trench of trash, no visible floor. 4 foot ish pile of clothes in the corner of the room next to this new trench

I keep tossing recyclables and stuff to keep towards the door, it's a big pile by the time I was done, and... we'll get to that

Whole time my mom keeps interjecting with how guilty she feels. Don't feel guilty, don't apologize, stop doing this to me. I don't say that, at the end I just say to find a spot that works for the trash can, she says she could put recycling in there trash can so it doesn't need a liner. I say that's fine but uh... find a spot to put the trash, it's fine to use grocery bag liners, it really is

Anyway, no luck, so I sit down in the spot I've made in the foot of the bed trench and then just run my leg under the bed, stretched out ballerina style, and scape everything and shove it to the back and side. Pick up a bit more, then stand up (fucking hard from that confined position) and take my trash bag to the back of the bed

Another leg sweep to pull stuff closer. My mom says how she'll just drive and go get a new one. I say don't, too expensive for just a mouse (50 fucking miles yo)

No luck, find 2 wormies wiggling through the trash. Sorry wormies, can't have you in my house, hopefully maybe I didn't kill you pinching you with trash to put you in the trash. I am sorry, but you can't be here whatever larva you were

Scrape scrape as I make a new pile of not exactly trash at this end, recycle and keepers and stuff

Finally I see pink just as my mom's lamenting again that she doesn't know where it could have gone. Slam... no... set with flair on the table, just hard enough to click loud, you know

Still plenty of trash there under the bed, but I'm fucking done

Went to go give my cat antibiotics, see its not 1pm and that's good at least

Full to the brim trash bag from all this and there's plenty left

You see why this frustrates me?

Already done this before even after she got the bed. I got a trash pile next to my trash can... of shit I missed the throw with our recycle, it takes me maybe 5 minutes to fix, not... 30? Just to kinda clean

Just get tired of my mom's infinite trash, she just... she just fucking doesn't put stuff in the trash and she doesn't think. Tried to turn the tall trashcan I found into recycle, said no it's trash... and finally I'm not having to scoop overflowed filth into the bag every week, it's talk enough

Anyway... you can at least get why I'm writing weird, right? Woken up for a miserable task

But I did it, instantly woke up, trundled downstairs, made zero conversation as my mom lamented how terrible she is, got a trash bag out, bed pushed against the wall, and mouse found

Kill me, going to bed now, hope you all have a good whatever... wish I had pics of just how bad it was. Better than the trailer, but... that's like saying bleeding out from the throat is better than bleeding out from a punctured stomach... duh, still not nice

Take care

[keefwho]

May 30 - 2024 Thursday

10:36pm

5/10

Last night I recorded a good morning voice message for DS because I felt like it. Doing small little things like that is important for me because usually I'd refrain in case its too silly or something. My prompt yesterday was "let your voice be heard" and I did, literally. Its a very small thing but the intent behind it is large.

This morning I took the dogs out and showered. I made a frozen breakfast sandwich for lunch but I cut up my own onions for it and applied some hot sauce. Usually I'd eat something with it to help it agree with my tummy but I figured I could without because I wanted to eat small meals today since I've been up a couple pounds. My body handled it okay it seems. I had watched a sorta beginner art course video that explained using large areas and then using ovals to define planes easily which is exactly what i've been doing on my own.

To warm up today, I filled in all the little space left on my sketch sheet with rough gestures. Then I finished a YCH edit, did a YCH for 57, and readied a couple commissions for next month.

After work I spent time before lunch contacting people, doing some chores, and tending to my patreon. It was a very productive hour. For lunch I made soup and a grilled cheese. I gave myself ample time to chill and take a break since I actually felt like I earned it. Unfortunately I didn't know what I wanted to chill with so I watched an unsatisfying stream. The guy I like watching lately has starting playing CS:GO and similar games which actually melt my brain to watch. It's soooooo boring.

I finished this Celestia AI redraw I was working on this afternoon and worked on this Zelda drawing I had on the backburner. I asked TK if she wanted to call but she wasn't up for it today so I joined BR's server vc even though it was empty. I really needed to socialize because so few people have been around lately in general. BT joined but he's kinda weird and info dumps about stuff. Also nearly pulled me into the drama he's in surrounding other server members that I know nothing about. I also worked on my pony avatar for an hour.

After work I left the VC to play Cities Skylines. I got a couple new mods that might be crashing the game so I think I'll remove them. Admittedly I barely planned on using them. I asked DS if she wanted to chill and we did. I played Cities for a bit until it crashed, trying to relax and just have fun instead of making it feel like a chore or exercise. I realize I should be opening google earth and looking up locations for inspiration. It usually makes it very fun but feels like "cheating" as stupid as that sounds. Its the kind of mindset I want to let go of for any game I play. Its just a GAME I am PLAYing. Anyways she put on the 4 current episodes of season 2 of Smiling Friends which was a blast. Then we watched highlights of Oneyplays roasting the Nostalgia Critic and I suggested we watch a video of his so I have better context of who he actually is. I've always heard about him but never watched him. Then we did our puzzles before she headed off to bed since she has to wake up extra early tomorrow. I looked back on our evening feeling bad that I was so mellow and uninteresting. Its because I don't have anything on my mind to talk about lately with anyone really. Like I haven't taken in any new information to use. Its also possible I'm not treating myself with enough respect to speak my mind. Maybe I'm just thinking about things I don't think are worth sharing. Or maybe it's okay to have nothing on my mind really so I can just enjoy whatever is happening.

I tried playing some Roblox but my internet was cutting out like 1 out of every 3 minutes. I joined BR's server where they were watching the old ninja turtles movie which they still are as I write this.

My parents got home today so I don't have to tend to the dogs anymore. I did very good work today which I'm proud of, I have no regrets about my work ethic today. I just hope I can get out of this social rut, I don't feel like Im building relationships at all.

[engbergeurovacay23]

Wednesday, Sights Around Helsinki

On Wednesday morning, I woke up first, even though I had a terrible night’s sleep.  As I mentioned in the last post, I didn’t get to bed until very late on Tuesday night, and then I had trouble actually falling asleep.  Then, right after I was actually solidly asleep, at like 2:30 a.m., my phone rang, and someone who had called me twice got through my “sleep mode,” because calls will ring through if someone calls you multiple times.  It was a business and not an urgent matter, so it was really irritating that my phone rang – and then I had trouble getting back to sleep again!

Anyway, Cece was the next awake, and she was chipper as can be, and then Eric was next awake, and then, Rowan.  He was sleepy! The kids are sleeping in the very odd sleeping loft, and the side of it that Rowan is in is the darkest spot, so I think he was comfy and in deep sleep over there in slumberland—and his lil’ body probably needed the Zs!

The laundry marathon began as soon as I was up.  We didn’t do laundry for five or six days, so like everything we brought on this whole trip needed to be washed once we got to the Helsinki Airbnb and its washer and dryer (yay for a dryer!!).  I made the error, however, of not noticing the water was off – so Eric heard the periodic alert sounds from the washer and turned its water on and, then, we were off to the races with the laundry!

We had a grand plan for Wednesday to start our adventures at the farthest destination from our Airbnb (still not very far and still in central Helsinki): the 1952 Olympic stadium.  Rowan visited it when he was 22 months old, our first time in Helsinki.  This time, he’ll actually remember it!  But, as we walked north in that direction, along one of the main thoroughfares, we made a few stops: Moomin Shop Helsinki and the restaurant at Finlandia Hall, a very famous (designed by Alvar Aalto) and beautiful modernist building that was under construction last year and was again this year and will be for maybe two more years in the future!  It is undergoing major restoration and renovation. So, Cece at this point was not feeling super well.  She was yawning frequently and was soooo tired.  I wasn’t sure whether she was coming down with something or whether she was just exhausted from our long day the day before and her not-enough-sleep night.   Rowan and I ate at the Finlandia Hall restaurant, availing ourselves of their incredible 12 Euro buffet lunch, and Cece laid down and slept on one of the outdoor couches (I could see her from where I was inside; I was like six feet away from her and she wanted to be outside with Eric); Eric sat with her and actually went on a very quick swim in a very seaweed-y lagoon.

OK, so Finnish and other Nordic countries know how to do a lunch buffet.  Banish any preconceptions you have about “buffets”—this is probably nothing like it. Finlandia Hall had three kinds of very grainy and wholesome-seeming bread, four different salads featuring local ingredients (also representing the preferences of the Finnish palate), coffee, multiple kinds of tea, roasted vegetables, a pureed potato and leek soup, and some other things I am forgetting!  The stars of the menu were parsnips, potatoes, multiple colors of tomatoes, and tiny mozzarella balls.  And the bread was a superstar, too.   All of plates and bowls were Marimekko, as were the napkins. The meal was so delicious and Rowan and I had a nice time sitting together and chatting, but, of course, we were sad that Cece was in a questionable state of health.  We wanted to see whether she was going to bounce back or whether Eric or I would have to go back to the apartment with her.

Wouldn’t you know it—she was much better after her little rest!  From Finlandia Hall, we continued on our way to the Olympic Stadium.  But, on the way, we encountered the Winter Garden (Talvipuutarha), a beautiful garden inside a wonderful-looking glass gazebo, clearly from an earlier era. We all went in to ogle the flowers and plants.  It reminded us of a very similar (but larger) garden in Gothenburg, Sweden, that we visited last summer.  Also, the building looked like one I saw in Forest Park in St. Louis in June!

We arrived to the Olympic Tower around 1 p.m. and bought a ticket to ride up 11 stories to the top of its iconic tower (which, unfortunately, I did not take a picture of from the distance! But, you can read about it and see it here).  So, the stadium was actually built in the 1930s and I don’t know the whole back-story on it, but, there were no Olympics for some time (1940 and 1944) because of, well, World War 2, and, then, the first one after that was in London.  Next up, Helsinki in 1952! The tower is so incredible and we were really lucky that the weather cleared a bit while we were at the very top (13 stories up; you walk up the last two) and we could see all around the city.  Nearby was a swimming complex, with all of the very high platform dives, lanes, and a water park, and then there was also an amusement park that we could see.  I mean, we could see like everything, but those were the most noticeable things in the foreground, looking North. Looking south was a very picturesque row of pastel mid-rise residential buildings that are so “iconic Helsinki.”

From Olympic stadium, we walked towards the Church in the Rock (Temppeliaukio Church), which I’d wanted to see for a while! We finally made it happen this time,  but en route we popped into a bike shop and a paper shop, you know, the kind of place that sells journals, stickers, pens, postcards—lots of cute, cute things!  I could not resist—and bought both postcards and stickers ;)  It was the kind of place that 12-year-old me lived for!

The Church in the Rock was amazing.  We walked all around its inside (it wasn’t very big) and we sat and reflected, and Cece rested some more. The roof was so interesting, made of copper tape or thin strips of copper, and the inside of the sanctuary was blasted out of solid rock.  Check out the website linked above, which will tell and show you all about it!

So, we’d been truckin’ along much of the day!  The next place we visited was a large downtown mall, because we wanted to see what was happenin’ at one of our favorite Finnish stores, Tokmanni (basically, a smaller-format Target-like store, even sharing a logo! But, not related to our Target, amazingly).  The city-center Tokmanni was not as amazing as the suburban ones, so I just got a few things (souvenirs for friends, like those ensuring that my plants at home are watered!).  We then desperately needed a bathroom and a few things for dinner!  Again, a department store was the logical place: Stockmann.  Now, Stockmann is such a favorite of mine.  Their food hall is drool-worthy.  We got just a few things to make dinner with and the kids were totally about to either fall asleep or have a hunger-induced tantrum.  Luckily, they kept it in check and we got home and had them fed by 7:30.  Cece went to bed right after!  Rowan still had some residual energy that needed an outlet, so he and I went on a walk.

Our walk took us just down our street and past, well, the Russian Embassy.  Across the street from the Russian Embassy were buildings with Ukrainian flags in their windows and there was a fence with artificial sunflowers  woven through it and messages of support for Ukraine.   The Russian embassy was a really huge complex – with lots of gates and cameras.  As you might imagine, what with their sharing of a long land border with Russia and their recent admission to NATO, Finland and the Finnish people are not fans of Russia. So, Rowan’s and my walk took us down past that expanse, and then we just made a big rectangle.  Our apartment is in the “Design District,” so there were some neat shop windows to look in.

And that, my friends, was our very long Wednesday!  I can tell you, I feel asleep much more easily on Wednesday night ;)

[indigo474]

picture perfect days-

some days are just perfect. i try try try my best to be thankful everyday. i have more good days than bad. its been that way for a long time now. I love having days off from work. I got out of bed around 8- a 10 am appointment to have a pedicure. I almost always get sparkles on my toes. if possible i would bathe in glitter. the Chinese ladies don't love me- sparkles are hard to get on and hard to get off. 3 coats instead of 2. the lady asks me today if i like it with 2 coats or do i want 3- i'll take 3 - Thank you!

I talked to my Mexican friend a little-I think i'm going to sext him- ive really never done that before and why not. He doesn't have a car so- chances of us ever meeting a pretty slim.. went to the park for a run. I felt strong- slow i tell myself- i want to run fast- slow. i ran faster the 2nd part of the run.. my mind was good- breath, breath... breath.. i can usually mange to finish running under the cover of the trees.. today the sun was out and i was set to finish in the full sun-- slow-breath-this is uncomfortable- you are dying. i pull my phone out to see 48 seconds left- i struggle to put my phone away. once i do i tell myself 30 seconds left- my mind tells me once again i am dying. surely i can live another 30 seconds.. and i do. BUT- - you are dying-its interesting- the mind body connection. James tells me ALLL the time- walking is just as good-walking is just as good-i get it. i'm not running because of what it does for my body-i'm running because i like what it does for my mind-it's a constant battle. some runs are good and feel good, other are good but feel bad- sometimes i try and fail completely- it's me vs me- for some reason i like that. i have learned so much about myself- there may come a time when i physically can not run- so for now i'm gonna run- ha- or jog-slow run.

Madison is cooking.. a lot of food. All vegan. We looked at a condo. We both like it. Levittown. Not far-my work commute would be about the same- a pool. fire place. outdated kitchen. I say this to MAds and she says- you don't cook. I really don't anymore. I make my chicken breast, some kind of rice or starch- veggies. that is the extent of my cooking. Anyway- it would be such a change for me.. probably a good one.. i tell Mads that i have lost so much these past few years and now my town too- seems so stupid to think that way.. there is nothing keeping me here but me. no reason for me to stay other than i want to. we are going to cook on our neighbors grill- a trip to Walmart- right now- life seems prefect. honestly it does. i was able to donate to a cause Marci is spearheading-homelessness in New Mexico- where he sister and sisters partner live-

i wanted to plan a trip to see my Mom- just impossible- she can not start where we are-right here right now- just be kind. NOPE - can't do it.

Life is good. I think its time to write a letter to myself..

Maybe- i need patience - good things will come. good things are coming..

[imbuity]

delusion time

to the tune of closing time

https://rentals.ca/montreal/5684-rue-saint-urbain-1

absolutely BEAUTIFUL unit, massive backyard, the brick walls are so stunning, I’m enamoured. Plenty of storage in the kitchens for the MANY more items we are going to have together. that random wall of boxes is strange but also can be my dedicated trinket spot since I’m really going to be losing creative control of my room. oh is it for shoes? no, that’s not where the door to the backyard is. Maybe I can commandeer that spot as a little sarah yoga hole. entryway is so lovely, i adore the very thin little storage box (and I think there’s an additional coat closet beside it anyway). I think really the only single downside of this place is that the shower has a wall and not a curtain, so the bath option will be kinda worse. but perhaps in the 1.5 years before I even have the faintest ida of moving into this place my designated bath time will be less (since I’m all caught up on kpop content, after all). oh my god the WALK IN CLOSET. LUXURY!!! the second bedroom is a little dank but tbh it’s not even necessary since I have that wonderful, well-lit nook. That closet could be kite storage and just office use. anyway I am obsessed with this place and would kill to live here.

https://rentals.ca/montreal/6053-avenue-du-parc

Smaller, but much more affordable. Idk what’s going on with the people who have currently decorated this place because dear god, but again this will change bc I will be living there. kitchen storage looks more than reasonable, I love the island size, the light wood is a little uggo but that’s such a minor concern. more than enough room for living space, kitchen, and dining room to be fully separate - why do they have such clunky, space-soaking chairs? The view from the bedroom is nice, definitely tall enough to have privacy. separate bathtub and shower, what multitasking LOL. the light wood + cabinet handles are again a little ugly but not only could they be changed, with the right decor it might even be fine. looks like this second bedroom office space is behind the living room? with direct access to the balcony, so that can be my little yoga corner or I could set up shop in the living room while nick stays in bed.

https://rentals.ca/montreal/30-boul-st-joseph#gallery-463611.22479466:photos

the 2 bedroom in the same building is by far the worst visually (and storage wise) but I know for a fact he’d be willing to do it lol. I know that I like the location and the building, the washer and dryer and dishwasher are guaranteed, and the bathtub is functional, which again are the main concerns. Its just that the bathroom and kitchen storage are reeeeally lacking, so will need at least one large shelf in each room to accommodate this. I’m having trouble envisioning the layout of this apartment also but it would be very easy to arrange a viewing.

Ok, all done now - I think when this time comes we’re both going to be picky in different ways, which will be difficult, but I know that washer dryer and dishwasher are essentials for him as well, so the only thing I’m potentially fighting for is bathtub + storage. yoga nook will just be in the office space or if there’sa sectioned off living room so there’s no “battle” there, and location I can really make work anywhere. all 3 of these are totally fine options tho, imo. 

[sorry-mom-ive-sinned]

wait adderall helps keep you awake??? i have hypersomnia and i average like 16 hours of sleep each day and even when im awake im lethargic and sleepy. does adderall really help with that? :0 if so. gary i NEED adderall.

Okay so, take this explanation with a grain of salt because im not a medical professional by any means, but I do have my personal lived experince of what ive heard from my doctors as well as my own research.

How it keeps me awake is because Adderall is a stimulant, specifically an amphetamine, that works to stimulate your dopamine system. Its mainly prescribed to people with ADHD and Narcolepsy (which is really being used as an umbrella term for sleep disorders here, which is a different conversation). Now what those 2 disorders have in common is that the individual is constantly understimulated. People with ADHD seek out stimulation to compensate, hence the hyperactive component. People with sleep disorders, well, sleep. Thats my simple understanding of it at least.

My personal situation (for reference and to see if it applies to you) is that i have delayed sleep phase syndrome (a circadian rhythm disorder that means your circadian clock is set to a later time than the average person, go to bed late wake up late) and speculated hypersomnia, as well as some other parasomnias. So essentially an unmedication schedule for me looks like going to bed at 3 am and waking up at 5 pm, next day maybe 4 am and 7 pm, then 6 am and 9 pm, and so forth. I also am bipolar so i might be awake for 48 hours because im manic then sleep for 24 straight. I am also very lethargic when awake most of the time.

Now, with all that, i still needed a job and landed one where i have to wake up at 7:30 am everyday. Without adderall, i routinely fall asleep at my desk throughout the day and can barely focus, constantly nodding off and distracted. But with adderall? I am doing amazing. I legitimately wouldnt be able to work if it wasnt for adderall and my mom waking me up in the mornings. I personally take some of extended and immediate release as well. So if any of that resonates with your experience, i would highly recommend talking to your doctor about possibly trying stimulants.

Only downside is stimulants are an abused substance, on top of as you probably already know sleep disorders being stigmatized, so asking for it can look bad (which is so sad because i literally need this to function) so tread carefully.

Anyways sorry this is so longwinded, im really passionate about the topic and honestly have never interacted with someone similar, so I got a bit excited haha. I hope this explanation helped and you find something that works for you <3