#anyway i realized i was a lesbian 8 years later and he's still my favorite character but not for comp het reasons

[weedplantar]

when I was like 8, I was super into the Percy Jackson series and was reading heroes of Olympus for the first time and one time my best friend was talking about characters she thought were hot (all male) and when she asked me who I had a crush on in the books I panicked and said Nico. And then when I started reading the house of hades and Nico was revealed as gay, I closed the book, skipped a few chapters after that, and pretended that I never read it because as a young lesbian in denial I could not accept the fact that the one guy I chose to have a crush on was actually the gay one.

[infested-tea]

Bakusquad LGBT Headcanons

Whoops... haven’t posted in a while... whoops.

Anyway, for this I decided some Bakusquad gay hc. And maybe some shipping lmao. Now, BakuKiri is valid but I prefer TodoBaku. But both are great. For this imma go with TodoBaku and KiriDenki because preference. Also, if anyone starts fighting about ships in comments I’m coming for you toes.

Anyway, enjoy!

Katsuki Bakugo

This boy....

Oh god this boy

Three syllables

DISASTER

Oh yeah he’s gay

Gay disaster

Very angrily a disaster

Bakugo strikes me as a tsundere. As he does for everybody

But combined with his... tendencies...

He becomes a walking balm of internalized gay anger

He fears being outed because homophobia is fun

But since all of Class 1-A knows, they just don’t say anything

Only openly out to the Bakusquad, and Todoroki

Like I said, dating Todoroki

Or Kirishima depending on how I feel

Either way, he is a clingy, angry tsundere with both

Will avidly defend his friends and himself or anyone from any kind of bigotry

Very... passionate... lgbt supporter

May or may not have cried the night he came out to the bakusquad. Both before and after. And may or may not have been happy tears.

Also the kind of person who screams at you to die while absolutely showering you in love and trying to make you feel like the most valid person ever. But does it in his usual Bakugo tsundere way.

He has hit everyone in the Bakusquad and his boyfriend with their respective flags while shouting vaguely threatening words of love and validation at them. This has happened to everyone at least once. Todoroki, Jirou, and Denki are the most common victims.

Also. Trans Bakugo deserves rights

When it comes to being trans, Bakugo has no issue with it

Neither do his parents

But like with him being a filthy gay degen- *gets exploded* OW!!

Anyway, like him with his homosmexualness, he’s scared to come out about it

Mind you, his parents are also avid supporters for the gay community

But he himself has seen and heard things and it scares him

As well as those morons in middle school who he came out too (not willingly) but teased him about it and made stupid comments, they didn’t hate him but were more so ignorant

Has experienced actual hatred before, especially middle school (maybe projected on Midoriya a little...)

But, this boy was so relieved when he came out to his friends and especially Todoroki

Maybe the human population isn’t so bad after all, huh you angry ball of rainbows and anger

Also. Ace bb

Eijirou Kirishima

The resident sunshine shark puppy

He flips between functional and disaster depending on the day

Is extremely open about him being pan, since it’s the manliest thing to do

And he is the manliest

He is also avid supporter and defender of the lgbt

Since Kirishima is the other backbone of the Bakusquad, he’s great for when ya need some comfort

This baby boi just wants to be loved and will love you back tenfold

Best hugger in class 1-a fight me

Broken gaydar

Denki Kaminari

(This was the first gif... y’all really horny huh?)

The biggest bi disaster

Also chaotic

Unintentionally chaotic

Like, he goes in with intentions of chaos, then somehow it ends up being worse then it should’ve been

Goddamnit Denki, is now Bakugo’s favorite phrase

Best gay friends with Sero and Mina

Absolutely falls hard

Sure, he’s a flirt, but that’s just Denki being Denki

He’s so much worse when he falls in love

Not a flirt. No no. Absolute blushing mess

Bf do be Kiri tho

(Why is he the person I have the most ships with like damn...)

His gaydar is absolutely fucking broken. Like my god you could be Aoyama levels of obvious and it’d go straight over his head

Gaydar is so bad he usually ends up flirting with lesbians or already taken people

He never touches a dude because he doesn’t want people thinking he’s already weirder than he is

Bad social anxiety, so he stayed quiet about being bi

Than Sero asked... he denied it

It failed

Now he’s out and semi-proud

Does have sad days where he feels anxious and albeit ashamed

But he’s with the two biggest cuddlers with Sero and Kiri so it’s fine

Or if you want to be saucy, soft boy Shinso or Ojiro

Hanta Sero

This dumbass

Non-binary (he/they) demisexual biromantic boi

Since I hc as the most observant person (emotionally anyways) his gaydar is by far the strongest

He picked up on fucking Todoroki... that man looks straighter than his dad is sucks

Also the one who picks up the crushes before the people even do

Motherfucker could tell you who’s gonna end up with who before they even realize that they like each other

*cough* Bakugo and Todoroki *cough cough*

Poly relationship with Denki and Kiri. Fight me

Mina Ashido

Best girl

Ace lesbian

Makes a great chaotic couple with Mei Hatsume

Chaotic lesbian and she knows it

She is also disaster

Bad kind of disaster

She uh... once tried to bake a pride cake for pride month and nearly burned down the entire dorm

Denki was also there... that didn’t help

Also the resident shipper of Bakusquad and Class 1-A (alongside Hagakure and Ochako)

She absolutely got 8/10 couples together in 1-A... and also 1-B

ShinoMa anyone?

Absolutely has tricked Denki multiple times to wear dresses

Doesn’t have to trick Sero, he just does it

Adores Mei and is soft about it

Kyouka Jirou

Badass bi anyone?

Bisexual disaster

But very quietly dies unlike the other three on here

She can try and smooth it over and play it off

Doesn’t work all the time

Trans female

And I love her

Gay with Yaomomo

Hangs out with Sero and Bakugo a lot as trans squad and they end up laughing at the four other dumbasses they have sadly befriended

The head of the Bakusquad, especially at pride

Absolutely fucking listens to Against Me! and Jayne County and whatever other trans musician you can think of

Absolutely vibing with Sero while listen to Girl in Red, Cavetown, or the other two

And jams with Bakugo and Denki with those as well

On bad, dysphoric days, the squad bakes all her favorite foods, grab her girlfriend, and hang out and chill

Some general pride month headcanons

Like I’ve mentioned, vibing with Cavetown and Girl in Red

Also jamming with Jayne County and Laura Jayne Grace and whomever else Jirou found that week

At pride, Kirishima is at the bbq with Tetsutetsu (they have rainbow gay meat come on!)

Bakugo is trying to stop Todoroki from wondering off and getting lost, especially at first pride parade since it was his first time and Shoto is absolute dumbass

One year while still going to UA, Shoto and Denki picked up on an anxious Momo and sad Jirou and Sero just... announced how gay they were for each other.

Later that month, the two girls got together due to a party thrown just for them put together by Sero, Shoto, Denki, and Mina

It’s a tradition to watch whatever the gayest show out at the time is and finish it before the month is over as a group

SU is Denki and Kiri’s favorite.

Bakugo hates it cuz the diamonds piss him off

Soooooo, they have to stop halfway through the gay wedding episode

Todoroki joins in on the shows because he has nothing better to do (but really it’s because he’s lonely and craves affection... bb)

Also, when Bakugo came out. Sero won a bet with Mina. Not on him not being gay. But Mina thought he was bi.

Mina was wrong

And now it’s a tradition for Sero to make bets with the other squad members on who’s what shade of gay and then win because he’s right 100% of the time (and Bakugo just started betting WITH Sero because he got tired of losing. Denki and Mina do not give up however. And Kiri switches sides a lot.)

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

[ponett]

Welp... it’s over. After nine years, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is over. I just got done watching the series finale with Anthony and, just like I knew I would, when the credits rolled, I cried my eyes out

I should probably say something, huh. I’ve been sharing thoughts like this mostly on Twitter lately, but I started using Tumblr to blog about MLP, so I don’t think it would be right to post this anywhere else

I have a complicated relationship with MLP:FiM. It’s a show that got really hit or miss after the second season, and it has a fandom so toxic and so full of edgy libertarians that it scared me off from formally participating in fandoms for the rest of my life. But it’s also probably my favorite TV show of all time. There are other shows that are much better written, that have more to say, that are more consistent, even including several other cartoons from the same decade. But I think I’d be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t my favorite show

No other piece of media has had as massive of an impact on my life as My Little Pony

I grew closer to some of my closest high school friends because of our shared enthusiasm for the show. I started PonyPokey with Jake and Derek and made a bunch of bad videos and got invited to be on a wildly disorganized BronyCon panel with Jenny Nicholson in 2012. (We went on stage immediately after Lauren Faust’s panel. I barely said a word due to stage fright.)

After years of being too afraid to share my art online, I started putting more effort into learning digital art so that I could draw ponies. It started out rough, but with the drive to improve, I quickly got better. I started Fluttershy Replies. For the first time, I had an audience. I had people who cared about my work and supported me. Even as times have changed, many of you have been following me since way back then

Around the time I came out as bi in 2012, I got really into MLP shipping. Writing sappy comics and drawing sappy art became an outlet for my years of pent up feelings, and helped me sort out a lot of stuff. My Little Pony also completely changed the views on femininity that had been beaten into my skull since childhood. Suddenly, it wasn’t this strange, alien thing to be afraid of. MLP, at its heart, is a show about how there’s no wrong way to be a girl. That’s an incredibly powerful message. Rarity wasn’t a vapid snob. Fluttershy wasn’t a background character who got made into the butt of the joke. Pinkie wasn’t a ditz. These were characters written to be empathized with. And writing about my own feelings from the perspective of Fluttershy felt... right. It took me a few years to fully process those feelings, but eventually, I realized the truth. I was a trans woman. And a cartoon about horses was the first step on my path to realizing this

In 2013, one of the roughest years of my life, I decided to download RPG Maker on a whim to give myself a distraction. Naturally, my first instinct was to make a game where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash kiss. What was initially supposed to be a short, Fantastic Game-esque playground of silly little jokes spiraled out of control and became Super Lesbian Horse RPG, a game that I poured my heart and soul into over the course of a year. And then, a couple years later, my desire to preserve the ideas from my copyright-infringing fangame also spiraled out of control, as all my creative projects do, and became SLHRPG’s successor: Super Lesbian Animal RPG. SLARPG isn’t really a reskinned MLP fangame anymore--it’s more like a new game inspired in part by my old project. The story has been drastically rewritten, the characters changed, the levels and gameplay redesigned. Most of the cast of the new game wasn’t in the original project in any form. There’s much, much, much, much, much more new content than old left in the game. And the original game had already strayed so far from the canon anyway. But I’m also not sure it would exist without MLP

I made a bunch of friends online, including close friends I still have to this day. I met the people like Bee and Thomas who I’m still working with on SLARPG. Most importantly, because we both blogged about MLP and had some mutual friends, I met Anthony, the love of my life. We’ve been together for five years now and supported each other through good times and bad. This is the lamest, corniest, stupidest thing I will ever say in my life, but he’s the Rainbow Dash to my Fluttershy

...

So what about the finale itself? (spoilers, obviously)

I have... mixed feelings on the finale. There were some things that really annoyed me in there. But also, like I said, I cried, so I think it’s safe to say they did good overall

I think the thing that stuck in my craw the most was Discord. Which I guess shouldn’t be surprising. I’ve been saying for years now how I hate Discord, how he spits in the face of everything the show stands for. He’s an obnoxious elderly manchild who constantly causes problems on purpose and torments his so-called friends the second they stop paying attention to him. But they have to put up with him and give him infinite second chances, because he’s a god and Celestia said they had to reform him

The overarching plot of the final season is that Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Tirek, and Cozy Glow (a Darla Dimple-esque filly villain from season 8) had teamed up with Grogar, a “new” villain taken from G1. While this goes on in the background, Twilight is making her preparations to become Celestia’s successor, as we’d known would be her destiny since the day she got wings six years ago. The villain team-up stuff was genuinely fun, and a highlight of the season for me. But then, in the three-part finale, it’s revealed that Grogar was actually Discord in disguise, and that he’d been intentionally trying to orchestrate a big attack on Twilight’s coronation so that she and her friends could save the day and get a big confidence boost going into her reign as princess. This is like... one of the most bafflingly stupid plot twist of all time. It’s literally the end of the show, and Discord has learned nothing. He’s “nice” now, but he’s still intentionally causing huge problems and putting everyone’s lives in danger to solve his problems. He freed four different villains they’d already defeated just so Twilight could beat them again, and in the process they literally blew up the goddamn castle in Canterlot and nearly killed everyone. And yet... they still forgive him, because they have to

I did, however, think that the last two-part adventure episode was fun overall. It tied a nice bow on much of the series, bringing back a bunch of old friends (including cameos from the movie cast!) to band together and save the day. Of course, in the end, they beat the bad guys with a big rainbow laser and sealed them in a statue. You know, even though a previous season finale was all about how solving their problems with a friendship laser and sealing the villains away never worked. Also, Cozy Glow might be evil, but she’s still literally a child? And now her petrified body is on display in the center of Canterlot? What the fuck????

I’m complaining a lot, but again. It was fun overall. It was nice to have one last big adventure, and to have the mane six reflect on how they’d grown since Twilight moved to Ponyville

...

And then we got the actual final episode. And boy did this one hit me HARD

I’m so glad that they ended on a quieter episode about the main cast’s friendships, because that’s what the show is actually about. The two-part adventures to save Equestria every season are fun, but that’s not the real show. We all came back every week for Twilight and her friends

There are things I can complain about here, too. Spike being a buff adult dragon with the voice of a child is fucked up. I’m still not used to seeing Twilight be Celestia’s size. But more than anything, I was always worried that we’d get a Harry Potter ending, where all the characters are paired off into arbitrary marriages so they can all have kids. Thankfully, this didn’t really happen. The only one who had a kid was Pinkie, who apparently got married to Cheese Sandwich (Weird Al’s character) at some point. Like, they literally shared two episodes together, with no hint of romance? But then they got married and had a kid off-screen??? What the fuck???? A lot of people also think that Fluttershy ended up with Discord, and I know I’m massively biased against that ship, but... I mean, they teased the FlutterCord shippers, but there wasn’t really any actual textual evidence that they were any closer than they had been previously. Y’all weirdos who ship Fluttershy with an obnoxious elderly man can interpret that as being “canon” if you want, I guess, but it’s not

The other relationship that shocked everyone in the finale was Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who... appear to be a couple? It’s definitely hinted at. I have... very, very mixed feelings about this. I mean, okay, obivously I’m the big FlutterDash fangirl. But I think AppleDash is cute, too! The problem is that, like... they’ve barely interacted in years? Like, they had a lot of episodes together in the first two seasons, but then the writers barely ever had them interact past that point. I can’t even remember when the last time we got an actual episode focusing on them was. And no, the one where Rainbow takes Granny Smith to pony Vegas doesn’t count

Like... yeah, it’s cute. It’s a nice gesture. Lyra and Bon Bon getting married in the background was also cute. But we can do so, so much better in 2019. We have so many explicitly canon lesbian couples in cartoons. Couples that actually kissed, or got married, or showed feelings for each other. Rainbow and AJ barely even fucking talked to each other in the final few seasons. I dunno, it just feels very hollow to me. Even the Equestria Girls crew admitting they were pushing RariJack felt more substantial to me, because at least they were given on-screen chemistry and lots of canon interaction

But in the end, complaints aside, the finale was about Twilight moving back to Canterlot, and worrying that her friendships would fade because of it. Honestly, I think this is what the finale of the show always would’ve been. It was the perfect story to end on. And boy, it hit really close to home

And then the last song happens, reflecting on how things have changed, but how they’re all still friends. And we see all the other friends they made along the way. And the camera zooms out, and the book from the opening of the very first episode closes, bringing the entire nine-year saga full circle

And then I started sobbing really hard in Anthony’s arms

...

I dunno. I just got done nitpicking a lot, but I still think that the last episode was a good and very emotional ending for the show

I’m going to miss this show dearly. I know it will be back in a new form, and that the leaks indicate that it’ll still star slightly different versions of the Mane Six. I’m also used to shows like this getting rebooted. Hasbro cartoons are honestly lucky to last past three seasons. FiM, on the other hand, got over 200 episodes, a theatrical film, a few specials, some shorts, a bunch of comics (which I still need to read), and a spinoff human AU series that was also really great. There’s no shortage of content, and I’m sure I’ll be returning to the series for years to come. I’m also glad that the show managed to go out on a high note

But still. It was a constant presence in my life for nearly nine years. Even as the quality got really hit or miss, even as they took the premise in strange directions, even as the crew of the show grew more and more dominated by men, it was still a show I could rely on to always be there, 26 episodes a year. I’ll miss it. I hope what comes next is just as good, if not even better. I also hope it’s gayer

I was going to end my ask blog, Fluttershy Replies, around the time the show ended. I’m not sure if I’ll do that just yet. I don’t know. I think that might be a bit much for me to process emotionally. Too many doors closing in my life in quick succession. But I do want to do more with it. These characters will be special to me for the rest of my life

I mean shit, I haven’t even drawn StarTrix yet. I’ve still got a lot of work to do with these horses, folks

[callunavulgari]

YEAR-IN-BOOKS | 2020

So. Last year I read 112 books. The year before that I read 89. The year before that I read 39. This year I have (thus far) read 87 books out of my goal of 75 and will likely at least one or two more before the end of the year. So, click below if you want rambly book recs!

1. a book you loved?

This year has been rough. Like, I’m looking back at the books I read in January and am genuinely horrified to realize that I read them a scant twelve months ago when it feels like I read them at least three years ago. I’m glad I kept my limit lower this year, because enjoying anything this year has been harder than usual. I did read some decent books though, and I think the one I loved the most was Gideon the Ninth (and it’s sequel, Harrow the Ninth). They’re both fantastic books, and so deeply unexpected. Reading the first chapter or so of Gideon’s book is like getting whiplash. You go into it expecting angsty lady necromancers and get a crossdressing bee that secretes hallucinogenic substances and pulsates in time to the music in your head. Literally, Gideon’s dialogue is so out of left field that I spent half the book delightedly confused. But it is genuinely funny? And lesbian necromancers in space is just.. such an underutilized concept. Harrow’s book was a little harder - her head space is weird and everything is intentionally fucking with you so you really are confused for 90% of it, but I think the pay off was more than worth it.

2. a book you hated?

I was deeply, DEEPLY disappointed by The Secret Commonwealth. I finished it near the end of January and was just so fucking mad for days. Because the thing is, my expectations were not super high. I was excited for it, mostly because a grown up version of Lyra is something that I thought I would only ever experience in fanfiction. Now, I wish I’d only experienced her in fanfiction. Graphic attempted rape, retroactively confirming a rape happened in a previous book (one where it was implied that the victim got away in time), retroactively raping a character from the previous trilogy... like. I’m sorry. But fuck that noise. Fuck Philip Pullman. Fuck any douchebag asshole who thinks a woman has to be raped in order to write compelling fiction. I was riding the high of the new HBO series (which was good) and I guess I just... thought the author would have some goddamn integrity.

3. a book that made you cry?

We Are Okay was a really gorgeous, tender little book about grief that I read in one sitting in my bed when I really should have been sleeping. I read this book in March, when things only kind of hurt for me. When things were still largely okay. Before the bulk of covid hit my side of the world. Before self-isolation was an every day thing, not just something in books. Before Mal. Before getting covid. But ultimately, this was a book about healing. It aches, yes, but it also soothes.

4. a book that made you happy?

Both Beach Read and Written in the Stars made me pretty happy. Both romcoms done right, the first is a book about a romance writer falling in love with a thriller/mystery writer. They’re staying at neighboring beach houses and spend a summer getting themselves out of their comfort zones by challenging the other to write in the other person’s chosen genre. It’s sweet. It’s sexy. Over all, a really fun read, with enough depths to keep me engaged.

The second book is a meet-cute that involves astrology, fake dating, and lesbians. It’s written phenomenally well, and gave me a brief surge of happiness when I needed it most.

5. the best sequel?

Probably Harrow. The Dragon Republic is a great second choice though. Again, it’s a hard book, and I wouldn’t have been able to read it any later in the year than I did, because it is... not a happy book. But it is, in my opinion, a good one. And I am still excited about the third.

6. most anticipated release for the new year?

I am hoping to get the as of yet Untitled sequel to Ninth House in 2021. I am also hoping to actually be able to read The Rhythms of War in the new year, since I doubt I’ll get a chance in 2020. I’m looking forward to Mister Impossible, the second book in the Ronan trilogy by Maggie Stiefvater. I’m looking forward to the Hourglass Throne, which I think is coming in 2021? A Desolation Called Peace in March. The Thorn of Emberlain might actually be out in October, which will be wonderful it doesn’t get pushed back again. Rule of Wolves, the King of Scars Duology in the Grishaverse will also be March. One Last Stop by Casey McQuistion in May!!!!

7. favorite new author?

Defintely Tamsyn Muir. I will also be keeping an eye out for Alexandriua Bellefleur’s stuff...

8. favorite book to film adaptation?

Uh, can I say MDSZ/The Untamed without actually having read the original text? Well, I’ve read a few chapters, but damn.

9. the most surprising book?

Taproot. It’s this little graphic novel about a gardener who can see ghosts. And like. It still makes me warm to think about how tender it is.

10. the most interesting villain?

Does Loki: Where Mischief Lies count? Since Loki is technically a villain, even if he’s only villain adjacent in this book.

11. the best makeouts?

I... don’t know? I didn’t real read any of these books for makeouts. Not this year. 

12. a book that was super frustrating?

Boyfriend Material. It has great ratings! It has fake dating! But the story was very so-so for me. 

13. a book you texted about, and the text was IN CAPSLOCK?

I think I yelled at Nick a few times about how pissed I was at the Secret Commonwealth.

14. a book for the small children in your life?

The House in the Cerulean Sea is a book about a case worker at the department in charge of magical youth and he is charged with traveling to an island and making a very important decision about the children living there. It was adorable and I wish I’d had a book like it when I was young.

15. a book you learned from?

That is not the sort of book that I was reading in 2020.

16. a book you wouldn’t normally try?

I read a couple mysteries. Some were good. Most made me remember why I don’t read mysteries.

17. a book with something magical in it?

Call Down the Hawk, because all of Maggie’s books are at least a little bit magical. And while this definitely didn’t hit quite the same vibes that the Raven Cycle did, it was still very, very good.

18. the best clothes?

Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth have the best goth aesthetic I have ever seen in a book. Also, The Invisible Life of Addie Larue, because Addie’s clothes always sounded cute and comfortable.

19. the most well-rounded characters?

The City We Became had some fantastic characters. It was really interesting to see Jemisin get out of her typical fantasy setting and this novel was so out of this world. 

20. the best world-building?

Deeplight! It’s described as Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea meets Frankenstein and that is pretty accurate. Old gods that traversed the sea tore each other apart and now the world tries to get a hold of their corpses for amazing powers. It was really, really cool and probably the best book I could have chosen to read at the beach.

21. the worst world-building?

Eh. Most of the books I hated I didn’t keep reading this year.

22. a book with a good sidekick?

I really like all of the characters in the Tarot Sequence. There are some solid characters, even if there’s basically no women. Also Graceling.

23. the most insufferable narrator?

I was not a fan of The Mysterious Benedict Society, mostly because of the narrator. It was so boring and I quit halfway through.

24. a book you were excited to read for months beforehand?

Return of the Thief. Which... was still mostly good. But the ending felt lackluster for me. I may go back and reread the series and see if it feels more genuine after I’ve read them all together.

25. a book you picked up on a whim?

I literally picked up Written in the Stars because the cover was pretty and it looked like the romance was between two girls. And it did nooooot fail me.

26. a book that should be read in a foreign country?

Shrug emoji.

27. a book cassian andor would like?

I still don’t know what to make of this question.

28. a book gina linetti would like?

Shrug emoji.

29. your favorite cover art?

Gideon and Harrow, honestly. I also really liked Under the Udala Trees.

30. a book you read in translation?

I genuinely don’t know.

31. a book from another century?

Teeeeechnically The Great Hunt?

32. a book you reread?

I reread the Diviners and the Captive Prince series near the beginning of the year. They were still delightful.

33. a book you’re dying to talk about, and why?

Into the Drowning Deep was fucking amazing. I love Mira Grant’s work anyway and there’s this scene where a character pilots a submersible into the Marianas Trench and experiences your first face-to-face encounters with the sirens and like. AHHHHHHHHHH. It was so spooky and beautiful and just genuinely amazing.

TLDR; 2020 sucked, most books still couldn’t pierce through the depression, but there were a few bangers.

[5tornhomos]

Always Your Advocate - Chapter 2

Story Summary:  After five years of being in one of the most successful boy bands in the world, Harry Styles is about to embark on his solo career. While at Columbia, he meets Bethany Russo, who’s just been assigned to work with him.  As much as she wants to remain professional, she just can’t keep away from him.

Chapter Summary: Harry and Beth spend the night at a bar, getting to know each other.

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! I think this chapter is a lot more fun than the first one so I would love if anyone gave it a read! Another thanks to @harryeatmyass​​ for helping me with this chapter!

You can also read it on AO3 or Wattpad!

If you missed chapter 1, you can read it here!

From the moment she spoke with Harry, Beth started to overthink everything. Overthinking was one of her specialties. Unfortunately, it was one of the downsides of her ability to plan and research everything. She was constantly thinking of a million different scenarios, trying to figure out what might happen, or what could go wrong.  What was Harry trying to accomplish? Was he trying to flirt with her? Was he just looking for a one-night stand? Or was he just a nice guy, trying to make a friend? She wondered if it would be considered unprofessional for her to be going out with one of her clients. Could she be reprimanded, or even fired, for doing something with Harry? As she tried to settle herself down, she realized that nothing happened yet. All she had agreed to was having a drink with Harry. That didn’t have to mean anything. It was harmless, right? Maybe this was just what she needed. Maybe she needed to go out for a drink and loosen up a little bit.

As she walked home, the thoughts continued to race in her head. She hopped on the subway to get to her apartment in Brooklyn. When she arrived home, she saw her phone was buzzing with a phone call from an unknown number.

“Hello Bethany,” it was Harry,” I just wanted to give you a quick call to see what time you’d like to go out tonight. Does 8 work?”

Not many people called her Bethany, but she didn’t mind if Harry did. She liked the way it sounded when he said it. Even though she had just been overthinking everything, she immediately became calmer once she heard his voice. There was something comforting about him.

“WHO is this?” she asked jokingly as if his voice and accent weren’t distinct enough.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you give your phone number to a lot of British men?”

“Wait. You’re British? I didn’t know that. This changes everything.”

“So, does that mean that you don’t want to meet me tonight?”

“No. Absolutely not. 8 is perfect.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up. Just text me your address,” he said.

“I’m all the way in Brooklyn, you don’t have to come here to pick me up. I can meet you somewhere,” she told him.

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t pick up a lady for a date?” he asked.

A date? This is a date…She tried not to panic. Just because it was a “date” didn’t mean that anything serious had to happen between the two of them. Again, she tried to reassure herself that they were just going out for a drink. She just needed to relax and enjoy herself.

Beth looked through her closet, debating on what she should wear. Harry already saw her in a professional-looking dress, so she wanted to go with something more casual. Since they would be spending a casual night at a bar, it’s not like she had to dress fancy anyway. After looking through just about every item in her closet, Beth finally decided on wearing her dark wash ripped jeans, along with a simple black top. She paired that with a leather jacket and her favorite combat boots.

Despite her initial protests, Harry insisted on picking Beth up for their date. He rang the bell outside her brownstone apartment building. As expected, he was right on time. Beth was ready, as she was right near the door, patiently awaiting his arrival. Before he arrived, she was pacing back and forth as the thoughts ran through her head. She immediately smiled when she saw him. All of her stress went away. He was wearing jeans and a baggy green hoodie, but somehow, he made it look stylish, yet effortless. When Harry got to the door, he noticed that she started looking around him, as if there was someone behind him.

“Were you expecting someone else?” he joked.

“No… of course not. But I just thought that you might have security with you. Isn’t it dangerous for you to be out by yourself?” she asked.

“I don’t take security with me everywhere. I still like to have the freedom to go out on my own. Besides, I’m not alone. I have you to protect me,” he said with a smirk.

“Oh, sure. I’d be a great bodyguard. I’m very intimidating, all 5’5” of me. I’d scare off everyone,” she said, as they both laughed.

“So, tell me, Bethany. Where would you like to go tonight? You’re the local, I’m sure you know all the good places to go.���

“Do you want to go somewhere that nobody will bother you?”

“That sounds perfect.”

“It’s only a few blocks away if you’re okay with walking.”

“Lead the way,” Harry told her.

Beth decided to take Harry to her favorite dive bar. She knew the owner, so she’d easily be able to get a table, even on a busy Friday night. But the main reason she wanted to take Harry to this bar is that the majority of the people there were men over the age of 30. That wasn’t exactly Harry’s core demographic, so she thought it would be perfect. Nobody would be bothering Harry, and they could sit down and get to know each other. Beth wanted to get to know the REAL Harry, not just the version that she had researched online.

As Beth led Harry into the bar, she was greeted by Dave, the owner.

“Beth! Good to see you again. It’s been a little while. What can I do for you?” Dave asked.

“Can we get a table in the back?” Beth asked.

“Of course. Anything for my favorite customer,” Dave said, as he grabbed two menus and headed towards the back of the bar.

“You know, last time I saw you here, you were with that other guy,” Dave started to say.

“We don’t have to talk about him,” Beth interrupted, with an awkward laugh.

Beth had been to this bar more times then she could count. It was there for her during some of the best and worst times in the past few years. Somewhere she could go when she needed to relax and unwind. Luckily, she knew that they had a table in the back corner where she and Harry could stay hidden from the rest of the world. As she expected, Harry walked through the bar, and nobody gave him a second look. The guys were too focused on the baseball game playing on the TV. They weren’t paying attention to anything else around them.

“So, who’s this other guy?” Harry said as they sat in their booth, across from each other.

“It’s a long story… I should probably have a drink before I get into it…”

“Ok fine. Let’s order first. What’s good here?” Harry asked.

“They have the best burgers. You’ll love it,” she told Harry.

“Seems very American.”

“I usually drink it with a Guinness. Do you like Guinness?” she asked.

“I’m British, not Irish.”

“Oh, that’s right. Maybe we should’ve signed Niall then. Maybe he would’ve been a better date. He was always my favorite member of One Direction anyway,” she teased him.

“Ok, the first thing you should know about me. I do NOT appreciate being compared to my fellow bandmates,” he joked.

“I’m sorry, Harold. I won’t compare you to anyone.”

“OK SECOND THING. My name is not Harold.”

“Ok, I knew that. I did my research.”

“Oh, did you? So, you must know everything there is to know about me then? That seems a little unfair. I don’t know much about you, other than the fact that you like Guinness and cheeseburgers. And Niall apparently.”

“You know I was kidding. Of course, you’re my favorite. How could you not be?”

As they both smiled at each other, Dave returned to their table.

“What can I get for you guys?” Dave asked.

“I’ll have my usual burger and a pint of Guinness, please,” Beth said.

“I’ll have whatever she’s having,” Harry said.

“Great, I’ll get right on that,” Dave said, as he left to put our orders in. Just a few minutes later, he returned with their order.

“So, where were we?” Harry asked.

“You were getting jealous because I said Niall was my favorite,” she joked, as they both laughed.  

“All jokes aside, I don’t want you to know the researched version of me. I want you to form your own opinion of me. Even if you end up hating me. At least that’s your own opinion,” Harry told her.

“Ok, I’m sorry. But if it helps, I talked to people that worked with you in the band. Nobody had a bad word to say about you.”

“You must have not talked to the right people.”

“So, you’re not a pleasant, funny, down to earth guy?”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all. You must have me confused with someone else.”

“Well, I guess I have to find out for myself then.”

“I still feel like you know so much about me, and I don’t know anything about you. I didn’t get to research you before Ron introduced me this morning,” Harry said.

Harry felt like she had the advantage. She knew so much about him, and he barely knew anything about her.

“Speaking of Ron, how do you think he and the other executives would feel about me seeing you? I’m worried about them finding out. They might think it’s unprofessional since I’m supposed to be working for you…” she admitted

“You could just say that it was a business meeting. Say that we talked about my album.”

“I guess I could do that.”

“Ask me about my album.”

“How’s your album going?”

“Great. Thanks for asking. See? We talked about business. Now can you tell me more about you?” Harry asked.

“What do you want to know?” she asked.

“Tell me about your family.”

“Oh, that’s a good story.”

“Sorry, was that too soon to ask such a personal question?”

“No… no. that’s okay.  I don’t mind talking about it. I was adopted by a lesbian couple. So, I have two moms, which was fun. I also have an adopted brother, Andrew, who’s three years older than me. I was born in Brooklyn, but we moved a few times. We lived in Staten Island, Queens, and Long Island for a little while. My parents still live out on Long Island. My brother lives in Manhattan now, with his girlfriend. He’s a doctor, actually. Just finished his residency. Sorry, that was a lot. Am I talking too much?” she worried.

“NO, no, of course not. I could listen to you talk all day. So, are you close with your family?” Harry asked.

“Definitely. I talk to my parents almost every day. I go out there for dinner quite often, at least once a month. My brother is always so busy, so I don’t talk with him as much as I would like. But we’re all very close. What about you? What’s your family like?”

“Well, my parents divorced when I was seven, which was a bit hard on me and my sister, Gemma. But then my mom married our stepdad, Robin. I’m still close with my family but I don’t get to see them often because I travel so much,” Harry explained.

“Speaking of traveling, how much longer are you in New York for?” she asked.

Beth was beginning to realize that she didn’t have an unlimited amount of time with him. Eventually, he would have to go back home. They would have to go back to their normal lives.

“I have a full day here tomorrow. Then I have my flight home Sunday afternoon.”

“Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” she asked him. Her confidence was growing with the added liquor in her system.

“Not yet. But I’d love to spend the day with you if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I would love to. Is there anything in particular you would like to do?”

“Not really. I’ll leave it up to you. I trust you.”

Beth didn’t really care what they would be doing. All she knew was that she wanted to spend more time with him.

“I can show you around the city. I’m sure I can find some fun things for us to do.”  

“I would love that. So, how do you like living in Brooklyn?” he asked.

Beth guessed he had probably played a show or two in Brooklyn, but maybe he didn’t remember much about it. It was another place that he probably didn’t get to explore. It wasn’t usually a place that many tourists come to anyway, as most visitors usually stick to Manhattan.

“I love Brooklyn. It’s close enough to the city, so it’s easy to commute to work. And I love all the little shops and restaurants around here. But I do miss being in a house, though. If I ever move out of an apartment, I’d love to have a yard where I could garden and grow my own fruits and vegetables to cook with.”

“Oh, you cook?”

“Well, I’m no Ina Garten, but I try.”

“Tell me your favorite dish to make.”

“I love pasta so it would either have to be Spaghetti Bolognese or carbonara. My family is Italian, so it’s the kind of food I grew up on.”

“If I’m lucky, maybe you’ll make it for me one day.”

“I would love to make you dinner,” she smiled.

As the night went on, they continued to drink and get to know each other. The alcohol was helping both of them relax and take some of the pressure off. They were both enjoying learning more about each other.

“So, let’s go back to all this research you did on me. What exactly did all this research entail?” Harry asked.

“Well, other than talking to some people that knew you, I watched a lot of videos. But that didn’t help. It doesn’t matter if I watched a thousand of your interviews, because you never actually answer the questions anyway,” she laughed.

“I just don’t like random people knowing too many details about my personal life,” Harry explained.

“No, I get it. That’s fair. You do get asked some weird questions. But I’m just saying… watching your interviews doesn’t exactly mean that I know much about you.”

“Did you listen to any of our music or watch any of our music videos?” he asked.

“Of course! I watched every video. I listened to every song.”

“I’m not sure if I believe you.”

“You want to test me?”

“What’s your least favorite music video?” he asked.

“Why wouldn’t you ask about my favorite video?” she questioned.

“Because I want to know that you can be critical to me. I need that. Especially if we’re going to be working together. This is never going to work if we can’t be honest with each other,” he told her.

“Ok fine…” she had to think for a moment. “I guess it would have to be…Steal my Girl? It was just so odd to me. It seemed like you guys took every idea you ever had and smashed it into one video. Or you reached a level of fame that they gave you anything you asked for. Can we get a monkey? Sure. Can we get sumo wrestlers? Sure. Can we get Danny DeVito to be in it for absolutely no reason? Sure.”

“You didn’t have to be THAT honest.”

“I’m sorry…If it’s any help, I like the song itself,” she told him.

“Ok fine. What’s your least favorite song?”

“Oh… uhhh… What is it called? I kept skipping it…” she tried to remember, so she took out her phone and looked through some of their songs to jog her memory. “Oh, Something Great. That’s it.”

“I WROTE THAT ONE.”

“I… I mean… the lyrics are fine. I guess? I’m sorry. This feels mean. I don’t like this,” she said. She was starting to worry that she was hurting his feelings.

“No, no. It’s okay. I asked for your opinion. I appreciate the honesty. And I’ve heard much worse said about me. But it’s nice to know that you don’t like a song I wrote, and you’ll be working with me,” he joked.

“Technically I don’t have to like the music, I just have to promote it,” she joked.

“Oh, thanks, that’s very comforting,” he said, sarcastically.

“I don’t want to be mean to you. Why don’t you say something mean about me to make it even?” she offered.

“What mean things could I possibly have to say about you?”

“Well, maybe once you learn more about me, you’ll come up with something. But for now, I have a secret to tell you, Harry.”

“What is it? You can tell me.”

“I’ve never seen the Notebook,” she admitted.

Harry got up from the booth as if he was going to leave. “That’s it. That was the last straw. Of everything you’ve said, that was the most offensive,” he teased.

“No… I’m sorry… Please don’t go.”

The two of them stayed in the corner of that bar until the last call. Neither of them had realized that they had been talking until 2 AM. It didn’t feel like they had been talking for 6 hours, because the time flew by so quickly as they learned more about each other. And luckily, they had gotten through the night without anyone bothering Harry. When Dave brought over their check, they both instinctively reached for it.

“I brought you here. Let me take care of it,” Beth offered.

“Nope. Absolutely not. I will not accept that. I was the one who asked you out,” Harry said.

“But what about this being a business meeting? What kind of person would I be if I didn’t pay for the client’s meal?” she tried to say, knowing that it was a bit of a stretch.

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I allowed the lady to pay for the meal?” he responded.

After their back and forth, Beth gave in. By the end of the night, they were both slightly tipsy. Like the proper gentleman that he is, Harry walked Bethany back to her apartment. To keep each other steady, they held on to one another as they made the short walk back to her apartment. Beth wished that the walk would’ve been longer so that he didn’t have to leave so quickly.

“Well, I had a lovely time with you tonight. Thank you for showing me a little part of Brooklyn,” Harry said.

“I had a great time too. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

The two had barely finished their first date, and they were already looking forward to their second one. They just couldn’t get enough of each other. They never wanted the night to end.

The two of them were almost on top of each other. Beth was so close to Harry that she could feel his breath. She could smell the warm and spicy aroma of his cologne. As she looked into his eyes, any stress than she initially had was now evaporated. At that moment, she felt completely comfortable with him. He was right in front of her face as if he was contemplating kissing her.

“I look forward to it. Goodnight Bethany,” he said, as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Goodnight, Harry,” she said, unable to contain her smile. It wasn’t an intense kiss, but it left her wanting more.

Harry watched her unlock the door to her apartment, making sure that she got in okay.  She considered inviting him inside, but she knew where that would lead. Knowing that she was a little tipsy, she had to deny her urges. If she was going to sleep with Harry Styles, she wanted to remember every single detail.  But she felt comfort knowing that they were going to spend the next day together.

[medea10]

Medea Rambles - Changing Voice Actors (in anime)

Your favorite character! You love the way they look, the way they act, and in many cases, the way they sound. Yeah, voice actors are a vital role when it comes to bringing life to any character in animation. But what happens when your favorite character doesn’t sound the same as he/she used to?

It could mean your favorite character’s voice actor has CHANGED.

Don’t fear! This happens all the time and many factors can come into play to make that happen.

Because I’m bored today and have nothing better to talk about...

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BETTER TO TALK ABOUT!

(seriously, I do like this movie)

I want to talk about voice actors! Because I like talking about them. I have the highest respect for these people and these people give it their all with the characters they voice. Every scream Sean Schemmel ever gave as Goku, every cackle Sayaka Ohara gave as Beatrice, these performances can be considered remarkable and memorable as time goes by.

But we must all remember this. Voice actors are just like you or me. They are human. No one lasts forever. And when the unthinkable happens and a voice actor dies, many creators grapple with either retiring the character or hire a replacement.

In the anime world, it’s most likely the latter because there’s no way in fuckdom Professor Oak would EVER be retired as a character (R.I.P. Unshou Ishizuka).

Even though no one could match the charm of Unshou Ishizuka as Professor Oak and many other roles, we accept the change. But it’s not just death. Life in general can get in the way. Many voice actresses have long-running roles to voice even when they’re pregnant. So when they go on maternity leave, they’ll need a replacement. However these are thankfully temporary so we were able to get Mariya Ise to voice Bonnie on Pokemon again and soon Brina Palencia will be back to voicing Juvia on Fairy Tail (and congrats to her for the birth of her first baby).

Child actors in anime will probably not have the same voice they had 10 years ago and if a role is making a revival in the present, that person will more than likely not play that same role. Perfect example there would be Aaron Dismuke who was a young boy when playing roles like Al on Full Metal Alchemist and Hiro on Fruits Basket. When FMA: Brotherhood came out, it was very clear that Dismuke was well past puberty and so his role of Alphonse had to go to someone else.

And voice actors who sustain injury to their voices during production. Jessica Calvello, the original voice of Excel from Excel Saga literally blew out her vocal chords for this role and had to have her role replaced for the second half of the series. Was it noticeable? Fuck yeah it was. But it was for the greater good. Plus her replacement wasn’t that bad. In fact she did a good job with the wacky behavior of Excel. The dubbing company was on a deadline and it had to be met. So what’s done is done. I’m just happy Calvello healed from that and is still a voice actor.

And other issues like scheduling conflicts and controversial issues come into play throwing a monkey wrench in productions. But we all move on for the most part.

WE ALL MOVE ON!

Anyways, for the most part these are just singular acts concerning one or more characters at a time. What happens when AN ENTIRE CAST IS CHANGED?!

Well...it happens! It just depends on the circumstances with the anime. And let’s face it, some of these changes can be for the greater good. Take Sailor Moon for example. Yes, we all know this tale! Sailor Moon was originally licensed by DIC for the first few seasons. And then the next few seasons it was taken over by (the thankfully gone company) Cloverway. With both companies, the anime was given the royal fuck-over with skipping episodes, chopping or editing scenes, Americanizing everything, downplaying homosexuality, shotty voice work, and blow off an entire season. And during the transition from DIC to Cloverway, some of the voices were changed and it was noticeable.

Decade later, Viz Media swoops in and gives the fans what they waited for. The entire series redubbed with original names, Haruka and Michiru are lesbians, Fisheye has a penis, and season five can finally be shown. But for many of us, we were delighted to hear the voices to the characters we grew up with finally getting some justice. While many of us loved Sailor Moon growing up, it was kind of painful to hear some of the voices. I once again point to Haruka’s original voice (or Amara as they called her). And the same could also be said about the first dub to One Piece. This redub needed to happen! No one objected to this, nor should they! But that’s just one person’s opinion here. Others, not so much. Especially the next one!

POKEMON! Yes another anime that went through a giant change. In 2006 (right in the middle of a fucking arc mind you), Pokemon switched the dubbing rights from 4Kids to TAJ/Pokemon Company. To which we all said...

And then they got rid of all the voice actors who have voiced these characters for YEARS and replaced them. To fans of the show from the very beginning it was noticeable and STILL IS. To people who were born in 2006 and are watching this now as a teenager (fucking shit I feel old just realizing that), they probably wouldn’t give it a second thought.

I know it hurt fans and voice actors at first but look at the bright side, a lot of them went on to do great things after Pokemon. Veronica Taylor is busy doing Sailor Moon. Eric Stuart is still touring. And Andrew Rannells...I don’t think I need to bring up Book of Mormon. As it has been over 13 years since the change I think many of us have gotten used to or have accepted this.

Does that mean you’ve accepted Tracey’s new voice?

No. Fuck no. And I never will.

Yeah, Tracey’s a different story. I refuse to accept that change.

Anyways back to voice actors changing! Pokemon and Sailor Moon were kind of special cases as those had a bunch of in-fighting to get what we got. Same with One Piece because no one wanted to watch that hot mess get raped with censored items, Americanized names, and a horrific rap song that even Vanilla Ice would say that’s too much. But sometimes, an anime that has finished its airing and has been dubbed and released in the states, it will be out of print or its license will be expired.

Animes like Berserk, Squid Girl, Rozen Maiden, and Shakugan no Shana were all owned, licensed, and dubbed by a company. But then their licence would go belly-up and their title would no longer be available for purchase (at a decent price) or streamed on a website. Luckily, these titles were eventually saved. Kept the same is a different story there.

All four of those titles had one or more of their seasons dubbed and anything else the series had that wasn’t dubbed was now going to be dubbed by their current licencor. In many of these cases it was changed due to the fact that many of the original voice actors for these roles are not where this certain anime is being worked on. Like in the case of Shakugan no Shana, many of the voice actors reside in Vancouver BC and FUNimation, the licensing company is in Texas. Hence, you get the second and third season sounding way different from the first season. Yes, it’s convenient or cheaper to use people in your studio instead of waiting to hear from Canada. So that’s a possibility of why they do that. Or of course, scheduling issues/conflicts or wanting to do things their own way. Haven’t decided on which one to believe.

And then there are some animes like Escaflowne (an anime that was already dubbed and licensed and released in the late 90s) only for the whole thing to be redubbed by FUNimation decades later. Reasons? They re-licensed it? There was over 8 minutes of new footage found that was never dubbed? They found it necessary to do that? Take your pick!

Now most of what I’m talking about is mostly America problems. Does Japan redub classic anime? To my knowledge, no. But if they remake, reboot, or give a sequel, the cast might change. In recent reboots such as Fruits Basket, Berserk, Sailor Moon, and Genshiken, the entire cast will change to either appease the original creator’s wishes or start over with a clean slate. And if a series makes a return after several decades, of course they’re going to change voices, are you insane?

Why did I find the need to spew a bunch of useless information today? I felt inspired after Netflix decided to grace us with IT’S presence.

Neon Genesis Evangelion.

A classic in the anime community. A gateway anime for many. A massive mindfuck wrapped in a brainfart. A clusterfuck of many proportions.

The television series was licensed and dubbed by ADV back in the 90s. But of course that company went belly-up and so this series has been unreachable in terms of purchasing for over a decade. Even when Japan gives us reboots in the forms of movies for the Evangelion franchise, only those movies would be picked up (by FUNimation). They didn’t even touch the series. Didn’t they realize fans would pay through the nose to get a blu-ray release of this series? The most fans could get were split-up copies on DVD and old VHS tapes. This was a goldmine.

Alas, FUNimation was not the one to save the Neon Genesis Evangelion series.

It was Netflix.

But...all things come at a price when you make a deal with the devil. Netflix found it necessary to redub the entire series (both movies included) without giving word or even consideration to the original cast (that has been doing the voices to these characters for over 20 years). Spike Spenser, Amanda Winn Lee, Tiffany Grant, and Allison Keith wanted to help with this as they all had a lot of input in the original (especially Lee). Now before I cast stones upon this, I do give this dub some credit. They do make an effort to make this sound like an improved version of the 90s dub. And in some aspects I find the new voice to Shinji bearable. And I’m okay with many new casting changes. I mean NGE was okay, but the dub wasn’t the greatest. My only gripe with the change...

Downplaying Shinji x Kaowru.

Netflix, you just undid like a decades worth of change when it comes to homosexuality in anime. You just took us five steps backwards! Kaowru says he LOVED Shinji. “Like”? No, you like a pair of pants. You like that new Bruno Mars song. Kaowru said he LOVED Shinji. Why the fuck didn’t you keep that translation? The 90s dub was kind enough to have Kaowru say that and the 1990s were run by a bunch of prudes! I thought we were past this shit when we put an end to the old Sailor Moon dubs!

Now with this Netflix dub, many characters on Evangelion officially have 2-3 different voice actors. Or in the case of the character Toji, Johnny Young Bosch is the fifth person to voice him. But some platforms can have the anime itself, just not get the right with the english dub probably due to some legal loophole.

Whew, a lot of changes in anime, right folks? It almost feels like these dubbing companies want to erase the past, right? Well to be fair, everyone seems to be doing that. Disney keeps giving us live-action remakes to classic Disney animated films. Classic anime titles are being rebooted. Dubbing companies are taking older animes and redubbing them. I know it feels like they want us to forget these dubs existed. But I know they just want to improve them.

No matter what, everyone will find fault with everything. And in the anime community, it feels like a never-ending flame war. Older animes will get hated on by how crappy it sounds or looks. And nostalgic fans will hate on the new dub because it’s with new people who sound nothing like the original.

YOU CAN (NOT) WIN!

Heh, I made an Eva-build joke.

With these redubs, many names get pronounced the correct way, many translations will be accurate to the Japanese version, and in some cases it’ll sound a lot better. Dubbing companies try to aim at new viewers and to introduce a new generation of anime fans to an old classic. But for people who grew up with animes like Pokemon, Escaflowne, Cardcaptor Sakura, Sailor Moon, and many others, we grew accustomed to the dub. And when hearing it changed, it’s kind of a kick in the ears hearing anything penetrated or different from all the years you spent watching these animes.

Everyone has their own opinion of what they like and don’t like to hear. I like to give things the benefit of the doubt for the most part. Especially when I watch an older anime for the first time that has several dubs. When I began watching Rurouni Kenshin about 7 years back, I was warned that there were three English dubs to that. And I heard all three. I made my choice of which one I prefer, which one was okay, and which one needs to be set on fire. In case you don’t know, the original TV series had the best, the OVA series was okay, and the redub Sony did needs to be set on fire.

And that would be my advice to new anime watchers. Give both dubs a chance and make your decision on which one you like best.

Sadly, these changes will continue to happen whether for the better or the worst. While there are some changes that upset me, some I’m okay with if not pleased about it. But with the recent upset over fans hating on Evangelion’s new dub and change, do you think the fans will get a revolution and their old dub/old translations back? Let me put it to you this way. If Pokemon told us to sit and spin after many of us outraged over the cast change, what chance do Evangelion fans have against Netflix? But you never know, stranger things have happened. Maybe a miracle will occur and the old dub will get a blu-ray release.

In the meantime, I’ll have to re-write my thoughts on Evangelion with the ADV dub, FUNimation dub, and Netflix dub. TOO MANY DUBS!

This has been another Medea ramble. I’ll go back to doing whatever it is I normally do around here.

[strongfeelingsaboutsalads]

psst! i wanna hear #s 2, 5, 6, 8, 12, 17, 18, and 20 about the humans! all of them B)

My partner is trying to kill me. Do you see this? Anyway, long-ass belated ask response under the cut.

2. what’s their opinion on Logan Thackaray?

Lynette, Amara, Rasheem, Vesh: He exists.Miguel: Who?Galen: So in canon I suspect he doesn’t have any strong feelings. But commander AU… I’m trying and failing to find a more tactful way of saying that he makes Logan his bitch. I hate my brain. Galen would just really enjoy breaking him.

5. describe their childhood.

Lynette’s earlier childhood was pretty unremarkable. Calm, comfortable. Two brothers, one a twin (fraternal, you’d never know it to look at them,) and one several years younger. Then somewhere in her teens, her mother died suddenly and everything went downhill very fast. Her father took it very hard. A couple years of irresponsible living (and spending) later, he died as well, leaving the twins to try to pull things back together. Some extended family was able to help them a bit, but they were never very high up the noble hierarchy, and in his grief their father nearly ruined them. It’s been a slow, long struggle for stability since.

The Landi siblings are odd to talk about, since throughout her childhood, everyone including Amara saw her as a boy. A particularly effeminate boy that exactly no one was surprised to learn wasn’t straight, but still a boy. (Probably the biggest surprise came in learning that “he” had any interest in girls at all.)

Amara grew up distinctly aware of the series of roles she was expected to fill. Her family ran a textile trade, which she was expected to continue. Nobility came with the expectation that she’d continue the family line by some day marrying and having children. And alongside that, the expectation she didn’t even realize bothered her the most until it struck her there might be an alternative, the expectation she’d do so as a man. She learned to handle pressures from all directions. Mesmer magic ended up coming naturally to a mind that was already trained to carefully manage appearances and keep focus on multiple projects at once. And privately, it allowed some release through fantasy. She got very good at convincingly changing her appearance.

Rasheem’s childhood is marked by an inverse kind of frustration. He’s long felt like the extra, the untalented one that no one really expects to do much. The sad thing is, he’s not entirely wrong. He has a complicated blend of resentment and admiration for his sister, whose talents he tried and failed to emulate. (Though at the time he saw it as his brother he was trying to keep up with. He’s still not entirely used to having a sister.) But he does still love her, because when it’s really mattered she’s been quick to support him.

Galen was a farm boy. An awkward, awkward farm boy who spent entirely too much time doing gods-know-what outside on his own, and who took far too much interest when he saw a priest of Grenth perform some minor necromancy. His family situation was pretty normal; hard working parents, a mother who ran a tight and clean household, and siblings he sometimes even managed to get along with. But he was always a bit detached from most people. Adolescence didn’t help. As a teen he was tall and lanky with the vaguest hints of facial hair that refused to grow in more than wisps, and he was still as awkward and nerdy (I’m not sure Tyria even has that word, but the concept applies) as ever. He grew into his looks.

Vesh’s was not good. Some details are still fuzzy to me. I know she grew up in DR, and her name was originally Eliana. She was only raised by one parent, I’m still undecided which, and she’s not even sure whether or not the other is alive. The one she was raised by definitely isn’t, they likely died when she was anywhere from 9-14. She was always desperately poor, and despite her parent’s insistence on Elonian lineage, obviously of very Orrian heritage. By the time she was a teenager, a certain knack for the more abstract, energy-focused aspects of necromancy was manifesting. That’s when she gave up the struggle to not be the creepy Orrian girl entirely. The persona of Parivesh, witch of the Mists was born. It isn’t the only identity she goes by these days, just the easiest for her to fall back on. She’s developed a few different personas to deal with the constant sense of lack of belonging. Not all of them female, I should note.

Miguel was part of a big, reasonably well-off family of half a dozen or so siblings, of which he was one of the younger. He ended up left to his own devices a lot, and got himself into plenty of trouble. Modern diagnostics would say he has a pretty clear case of ADHD that he never outgrew, so “shut up Miguel” is something he heard a lot growing up. From pretty much everyone. But he doesn’t hold any resentment. He’s a big exuberant puppy of a person, and besides, he ended up doing pretty well for himself anyway.

6. do they feel particularly blessed by one of the Six?

Lynette, in-game choice Grenth: This has some canon relevance, as she’s a moderately religious person who’s had a lot of reason to think about death, and had to make peace with it.Amara, Lyssa: There definitely is a sense of appropriateness here. I’m not sure she’s particularly devoted, but it’s difficult not to feel a connection to the dual-faced goddess when she herself has had two very different faces she’s shown the world.Rasheem, Dwayna: Not really.Galen: …I’m not even going to answer that.Vesh, Kormir: She isn’t at all the religious sort, but if any god could earn her genuine respect, it’s the one who was once human. I do think Kormir speaks to her in a way the others can’t.Miguel, Melandru: Um… He likes birds? That’s nature-y, right?

8. do you have an in-game location for their “home?”

Lynette lives in one of the Shaemoor houses. I have a specific one I imagine, but it’s not terribly distinct description-wise, and I like to imagine it a bit bigger and fancier. I figure the whole world would realistically be scaled up a bit, anyway.Amara and Rasheem live somewhere in the Ossan quarter. I know I’ve picked out specific houses at one point, but I don’t quite remember. Pretty sure Rasheem ended up moving in with his boyfriend, but IIRC he’s in the same general area.Galen: There’s a little house in Kweli, one of the few if not the only one with a real interior. And it’s impossible to AFK in because the periodic forged attacks go right by the door and aggro on you.Vesh: …No actually.Miguel has a particular spot in Lion’s Arch, overlooking the harbor.

12. how do they feel about sylvari?

Lynette has had at least one sylvari as a long-term work partner and intimate friend. Generally positive. Occasionally remembers that they don’t have the same concept of class that humans do, and as someone who spends a lot of time worried about class structure, she finds this refreshing.Amara has no strong feelings. She knows some sylvari. They’re nice.Rasheem is much the same.Galen gets the title of resident dendrophile. He’s functionally (perhaps literally by now?) married to one, so… He’s generally had good experiences with them. Though things like the entire race spawning from the same mother and the fact that his husband is technically 14 are still weird if he thinks about them for too long.Vesh strikes me as the one most likely to take an academic interest in how sylvari work, if given the opportunity. The complex magical underpinnings of life as we know it are very much her thing, and she’d probably end up asking a lot of questions about the Dream to any sylvari willing to answer. She’s definitely had some sylvari friends by now, but I’m not sure if she ever got around to pestering them about it.Miguel will likely never get over the weirdness of (theoretically) being able to have conversations with someone who was literally born yesterday. But as people they seem alright.

17. how well does the dance animation fit their personality?

Lynette: Not very.Amara: It could be worse.Rasheem: Ditto.Galen: no

Vesh: Not very.Miguel: In one of his sillier moments, yeah, I could see it.

18. what sort of climates do they prefer, if they care at all?

Lynette is pretty comfy with Krytan weather.Amara is much the same. Though she does like when it’s a bit cooler, because she likes layers of clothing.Rasheem is also comfortable with Krytan weather.Galen likes cold weather. He finds it invigorating. And yet, he ended up living in the desert. Sigh.Vesh has no strong preference, though I think she might favor warmer.Miguel likes it hot. If only because he looks damn good with his shirt open. Or off.

20. what’s your favorite thing about playing them?

Seeing as I don’t actually RP them, answers are skewed toward either the superficial, or just what I generally like most about the characters.Lynette is a power lesbian and makes me cry because I’m gay.Amara is gorgeous and has the best judgmental stares, and I cry because I’m gay.Rasheem has a damn fine ass.Galen “Saltybitch” Blake is the saltiest of bitches, and makes a wonderful avatar for my grumpiest of moods. While somehow managing to be unfairly hot.Vesh’s abs make me cry because I’m gay.Miguel Enrique de Arca Santiago e Pereira is the most extra thing on two legs, and I love having a character like that.

[beaniegara]

11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara​ and @ricky-goldsworth​ which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3 

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone 

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks 

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them? 

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd 

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you. 

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.  

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+  

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really. 

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol 

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol 

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol 

“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!! 

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days. 

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world. 

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing. 

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

[brendonatthepilots-blog]

Thoughts

[the text is mine + sad information : my grandfather (i wrote my first text about him) sadly passed away after i posted the text]

This text will be long ...

In the emptiness of a moment we feel trapped. We feel different emotions, wait, can you feel them ? Can you feel your heart beating really fast as if it wanted to get out of your body ? Can you feel the tears coming into your eyes without being able to get out ? Can you hear the voices inside your head bringing you down ?

Stop…

A few seconds of silence…

Everything is silent and quiet. You look up at your ceiling, avoiding to look at your clock. Looking at it would only make you realize that you’ve been in bed for hours but you couldn’t fall asleep. You sigh and held yourself, trying to quiet your thoughts that are making your brain busy. You try to listen to some music to calm you down but it is not working so you decide to grab a notebook and write inside of it. You bit your lips to avoid the tears from falling and every now and then you shake your head as if it will push away the bad thoughts.

You look at the clock, 5am…

You have one hour left before having to get up to get ready to school. You decide to get up and get ready, it doesn’t even matter, you couldn’t sleep. You apply some makeup on so it could hide your sadness, but if you only knew… You put your favorite shirt on but no one will comment on it because no one cares.

You walk to school slowly, taking deep breaths every steps you take. You close your eyes before reaching to the door. You know that once this door is open, you will be completely alone and no one will be there for you. You finally walk in after a little while and see the faces of all the people you wanted to avoid. You don’t want to go but you have no choice so you walk to your first class. You fake a smile once you reach your classmates, saying hi and lying when they ask you how you are doing. You cannot tell them, they don’t care anyway…

You attend all your classes and at 6pm you are finally free so you walk out as quickly as you can. Tears are filling your eyes as you shake your eyes to prevent them from falling. You feel your heart tearing up slowly. You grab your headphones and decide to put some calm but sad music on. You get back home and rush to your bedroom so you can sit on your bed. You do so and close your eyes. It is dark, pure darkness but it is comforting. You feel nothing at that moment, everything is on hold. You have no one to worry about, no one to disturb the moment you had been waiting for. A sad smile form on your face, you waited for that moment all day long and it was finally there…

People start to scream in the hallway… You are not alone anymore…

You almost forgot that you are in a boarding school and that your roommate will arrive any time soon. They finally arrive, laughing and smiling widely so obviously you fake a smile and listen to them talking about their day. You feel the tears coming back into your eyes so you decide to take your shower. You take your clothes off slowly, feeling the cold air meeting your naked body and smiling softly as your body shivers. You wrap your arms around your waist and sigh softly.

You take a long shower but the water is not really hot. It is a mix of cold and warm water but it is quite pleasant. You close your eyes as you wash your hair and body. It is a quiet place. A place where you cannot hear anyone. You walk out after a little moment and take another deep breath. Your body feels the cold air but it is not pleasant anymore, you don’t like it so you hurry to the bathroom and put your pyjama on. You walk back into your bedroom and can hear your roommates laughing again. You fake a smile and grabbed one of your notebook so you can start revising your test.

One of your roommate has great abilities and can get very good grades without working too much, something you cannot do at all. You listen to her getting 19/20 in maths when your averages is at around 8. She will tell you how she thought that she failed that test and how she is amazed at the grade she got but all of this is now usual. It may be usual but it is still painful. You pretend that you are happy for her and high five her because what else are you supposed to do ? She had always been like this ever since you met her and you know perfectly that it won’t stop any time soon…

You have to go to eat but you are not hungry so you will force yourself to eat. You feel so fat and hate it but you feel like you cannot do anything about it. You stare at your food and sighed. It is disgusting just to look at it. You eat it slowly while listening to your roommates laugh and talking together. You aren’t really so talking or you laugh to hide all the pain that you feel inside. You try to pretend that everything is fine so people don’t worry about you too much. You bit your lips tightly, close your eyes and get lost into your thoughts. It is a safe place. It is calm and quiet, a place you want to go, a place you want to reach. You open your eyes again and look around. All you can see is people laughing and having a good time with their friends but the question is, are they really happy or are they faking it just like me ? Are we all similar but hiding it the same way ?

You have been showing signs a few times, showing your sadness and expressing some parts of it but no one truly believe it. No one really paid attention to what is going on. Sometimes, someone ask you if ou are okay but when you answer ‘yes’, they believe you and leave you alone.

At this moment, all you can feel is your heart being broken, the tears that are forming into your eyes and all the sadness that is crawling back in your body. You can still everything that had been said to you years ago, it is hurting as much as it did the first time that you started to be bullied. You can still remember perfectly the day when a guy called you a whore and a slut who keeps sucking dick in maths class, in front of the teacher but she said nothing and kept doing her class. The thing is, you have never sucked a dick before because you’re a lesbian and you’re still a virgin but since you have good grades, they think that you have relationships with teachers. They believe that their lies are true but they are far from being true, they are simply huge lies. You spent four years of your life being completely broken because you were bullied every day badly. You couldn’t express yourself since no one believed you since you didn’t self harm. Wait, are you supposed to hurt yourself to be considered as sad ? This is really sad, this society is really sad.

We all go to school looking like zombies. We all fake our own happiness since we all feel broken but some of us are really faking it and are banalizing the real struggles, real depression, real problems.

You remember perfectly the time when you felt better then a few days later you learned about your grandfather’s cancer. The grandfather who took care of you ever since you were born. The grandfather who saw you growing up and who treated you like a father. The grandfather who always supported you in every choice you took. You felt even more broken and couldn’t believe that someone so kind could be affected by such a disease. You remembered all the time you saw him smoking and saying to yourself, « nah, he will never be sick, he is so strong ! He will go through life without having it ».

You remember perfectly the time when he started coughing badly every time and when he was out of breath when he was walking for a few minutes. You remember the day when your grandmother took him to the doctor to check his lungs and you remember this Friday in November 2016 when you father came to pick you up from school and finally told you that your grandfather had a lung cancer. You remember each tears that came down your face. You remember perfectly the pain that you felt, your heart being torn apart one more time. He went through this quickly and you were really proud of him. You couldn’t believe how strong he was.

You celebrated his recovery with your family by travelling to Spain, his homeland, and having a beautiful weekend all together. You also remember when a few months later, in August 2017, when his voice started to change again. How his voice was weak, almost non-existent and how he was out of breath again. You remember him saying, « it is nothing, don’t worry, it is just my medicines, it’s new ones, I need to get used to them… » I trusted him. I believed him until he came back from the hospital and my mother telling me that he had a second lung cancer that was worst than the previous one. You remember that day perfectly, you was back from school on a Friday after a week away from home when your mom stormed into your room to tell you this bad news. You tried to stay strong when your mother told you about it but once she got out, you started to cry really badly. Your grandfather went through a full month of radiotherapy and chemotherapy. He made it one more time and you feel so happy and pray every night that he will stay healthy because he doesn’t deserve all of this. He doesn’t really.

Sometimes you lay down in bed and remember the few « friends » you had back in junior school. You remember all the people that pretended to be your friends and talked behind your back, who metaphorically killed you. You remember that girl you met during your last year of junior school and you were really close to her. You remember liking her a lot and even having a crush on her. You went to see her at the hospital when she attempted suicide and always took care of her because you knew that she had problems at home. You were so kind at her, you even gave her help so she could succeed in some subjects… But one day, you decided to confess to her what you felt and it wasn’t the reaction you hoped. She told you: « Stop pretending to be sad and broken okay ? You aren’t. People who really are, are the one who hurt themselves. They are the one who attempted suicide more than once. They are people like me and well… You are not like me ! ». And that’s when you realize how bad words can hurt someone. You remember that each words she said felt like bullets into your body. You couldn’t look into her eyes. You started shivering and tears got into your eyes, soon falling down your face. You ran to the bathroom and locked yourself inside. That’s when you started to wonder. Am I really sad ? Is all this pain real ? Is she saying the truth ? You felt so lost in your thoughts. You had no friends and the few friends you made at that time where toxic people.

You realize that each words that you wrote here aren’t even in a chronological order, you just write what you think about and it is very unorganized ( just like your thoughts ).

While you experienced all of this, you discovered a band while listening to some music on Youtube. The band is called Twenty One Pilots and you related a lot to their lyrics and music. You felt addicted to it. You loved it immediately and became addicted to them. You couldn’t stop listening to them because they helped you to feel better. Music was a sort of therapy. You started to play music everyday and sing for hours. You couldn’t stop, it was your way to heal. You needed this. Even though it is not easy everyday, music is helping you to stay strong and to try to hold on. You try to be more positive just by listening to voices singing their stories that are sometimes really similar to yours. You don’t feel that alone when they sing to you, late at night when you are not able to sleep. You even feel good and love to share a moment with them.

You, the person reading the text, you might be wondering who is the « you » here. The « you » is in fact myself, the author of this text and this is a part of my story. In the emptiness of a moment we feel trapped. We feel different emotions, wait, can you feel them ? Can you feel your heart beating really fast as if it wanted to get out of your body ? Can you feel the tears coming into your eyes without being able to get out ? Can you hear the voices inside your head bringing you down ? Stop…A few seconds of silence… Everything is silent and quiet. You look up at your ceiling, avoiding to look at your clock. Looking at it would only make you realize that you’ve been in bed for hours but you couldn’t fall asleep. You sigh and held yourself, trying to quiet your thoughts that are making your brain busy. You try to listen to some music to calm you down but it is not working so you decide to grab a notebook and write inside of it. You bit your lips to avoid the tears from falling and every now and then you shake your head as if it will push away the bad thoughts. You look at the clock, 5am… You have one hour left before having to get up to get ready to school. You decide to get up and get ready, it doesn’t even matter, you couldn’t sleep. You apply some makeup on so it could hide your sadness, but if you only knew… You put your favorite shirt on but no one will comment on it because no one cares. You walk to school slowly, taking deep breaths every steps you take. You close your eyes before reaching to the door. You know that once this door is open, you will be completely alone and no one will be there for you. You finally walk in after a little while and see the faces of all the people you wanted to avoid. You don’t want to go but you have no choice so you walk to your first class. You fake a smile once you reach your classmates, saying hi and lying when they ask you how you are doing. You cannot tell them, they don’t care anyway… You attend all your classes and at 6pm you are finally free so you walk out as quickly as you can. Tears are filling your eyes as you shake your eyes to prevent them from falling. You feel your heart tearing up slowly. You grab your headphones and decide to put some calm but sad music on. You get back home and rush to your bedroom so you can sit on your bed. You do so and close your eyes. It is dark, pure darkness but it is comforting. You feel nothing at that moment, everything is on hold. You have no one to worry about, no one to disturb the moment you had been waiting for. A sad smile form on your face, you waited for that moment all day long and it was finally there…People start to scream in the hallway… You are not alone anymore… You almost forgot that you are in a boarding school and that your roommate will arrive any time soon. They finally arrive, laughing and smiling widely so obviously you fake a smile and listen to them talking about their day. You feel the tears coming back into your eyes so you decide to take your shower. You take your clothes off slowly, feeling the cold air meeting your naked body and smiling softly as your body shivers. You wrap your arms around your waist and sigh softly. You take a long shower but the water is not really hot. It is a mix of cold and warm water but it is quite pleasant. You close your eyes as you wash your hair and body. It is a quiet place. A place where you cannot hear anyone. You walk out after a little moment and take another deep breath. Your body feels the cold air but it is not pleasant anymore, you don’t like it so you hurry to the bathroom and put your pyjama on. You walk back into your bedroom and can hear your roommates laughing again. You fake a smile and grabbed one of your notebook so you can start revising your test.One of your roommate has great abilities and can get very good grades without working too much, something you cannot do at all. You listen to her getting 19/20 in maths when your averages is at around 8. She will tell you how she thought that she failed that test and how she is amazed at the grade she got but all of this is now usual. It may be usual but it is still painful. You pretend that you are happy for her and high five her because what else are you supposed to do ? She had always been like this ever since you met her and you know perfectly that it won’t stop any time soon… You have to go to eat but you are not hungry so you will force yourself to eat. You feel so fat and hate it but you feel like you cannot do anything about it. You stare at your food and sighed. It is disgusting just to look at it. You eat it slowly while listening to your roommates laugh and talking together. You aren’t really so talking or you laugh to hide all the pain that you feel inside. You try to pretend that everything is fine so people don’t worry about you too much. You bit your lips tightly, close your eyes and get lost into your thoughts. It is a safe place. It is calm and quiet, a place you want to go, a place you want to reach. You open your eyes again and look around. All you can see is people laughing and having a good time with their friends but the question is, are they really happy or are they faking it just like me ? Are we all similar but hiding it the same way ? You have been showing signs a few times, showing your sadness and expressing some parts of it but no one truly believe it. No one really paid attention to what is going on. Sometimes, someone ask you if ou are okay but when you answer ‘yes’, they believe you and leave you alone. At this moment, all you can feel is your heart being broken, the tears that are forming into your eyes and all the sadness that is crawling back in your body. You can still everything that had been said to you years ago, it is hurting as much as it did the first time that you started to be bullied. You can still remember perfectly the day when a guy called you a whore and a slut who keeps sucking dick in maths class, in front of the teacher but she said nothing and kept doing her class. The thing is, you have never sucked a dick before because you’re a lesbian and you’re still a virgin but since you have good grades, they think that you have relationships with teachers. They believe that their lies are true but they are far from being true, they are simply huge lies. You spent four years of your life being completely broken because you were bullied every day badly. You couldn’t express yourself since no one believed you since you didn’t self harm. Wait, are you supposed to hurt yourself to be considered as sad ? This is really sad, this society is really sad. We all go to school looking like zombies. We all fake our own happiness since we all feel broken but some of us are really faking it and are banalizing the real struggles, real depression, real problems. You remember perfectly the time when you felt better then a few days later you learned about your grandfather’s cancer. The grandfather who took care of you ever since you were born. The grandfather who saw you growing up and who treated you like a father. The grandfather who always supported you in every choice you took. You felt even more broken and couldn’t believe that someone so kind could be affected by such a disease. You remembered all the time you saw him smoking and saying to yourself, « nah, he will never be sick, he is so strong ! He will go through life without having it ». You remember perfectly the time when he started coughing badly every time and when he was out of breath when he was walking for a few minutes. You remember the day when your grandmother took him to the doctor to check his lungs and you remember this Friday in November 2016 when you father came to pick you up from school and finally told you that your grandfather had a lung cancer. You remember each tears that came down your face. You remember perfectly the pain that you felt, your heart being torn apart one more time. He went through this quickly and you were really proud of him. You couldn’t believe how strong he was. You celebrated his recovery with your family by travelling to Spain, his homeland, and having a beautiful weekend all together. You also remember when a few months later, in August 2017, when his voice started to change again. How his voice was weak, almost non-existent and how he was out of breath again. You remember him saying, « it is nothing, don’t worry, it is just my medicines, it’s new ones, I need to get used to them… » I trusted him. I believed him until he came back from the hospital and my mother telling me that he had a second lung cancer that was worst than the previous one. You remember that day perfectly, you was back from school on a Friday after a week away from home when your mom stormed into your room to tell you this bad news. You tried to stay strong when your mother told you about it but once she got out, you started to cry really badly. Your grandfather went through a full month of radiotherapy and chemotherapy. He made it one more time and you feel so happy and pray every night that he will stay healthy because he doesn’t deserve all of this. He doesn’t really. Sometimes you lay down in bed and remember the few « friends » you had back in junior school. You remember all the people that pretended to be your friends and talked behind your back, who metaphorically killed you. You remember that girl you met during your last year of junior school and you were really close to her. You remember liking her a lot and even having a crush on her. You went to see her at the hospital when she attempted suicide and always took care of her because you knew that she had problems at home. You were so kind at her, you even gave her help so she could succeed in some subjects… But one day, you decided to confess to her what you felt and it wasn’t the reaction you hoped. She told you: « Stop pretending to be sad and broken okay ? You aren’t. People who really are, are the one who hurt themselves. They are the one who attempted suicide more than once. They are people like me and well… You are not like me ! ». And that’s when you realize how bad words can hurt someone. You remember that each words she said felt like bullets into your body. You couldn’t look into her eyes. You started shivering and tears got into your eyes, soon falling down your face. You ran to the bathroom and locked yourself inside. That’s when you started to wonder. Am I really sad ? Is all this pain real ? Is she saying the truth ? You felt so lost in your thoughts. You had no friends and the few friends you made at that time where toxic people. You realize that each words that you wrote here aren’t even in a chronological order, you just write what you think about and it is very unorganized ( just like your thoughts ). While you experienced all of this, you discovered a band while listening to some music on Youtube. The band is called Twenty One Pilots and you related a lot to their lyrics and music. You felt addicted to it. You loved it immediately and became addicted to them. You couldn’t stop listening to them because they helped you to feel better. Music was a sort of therapy. You started to play music everyday and sing for hours. You couldn’t stop, it was your way to heal. You needed this. Even though it is not easy everyday, music is helping you to stay strong and to try to hold on. You try to be more positive just by listening to voices singing their stories that are sometimes really similar to yours. You don’t feel that alone when they sing to you, late at night when you are not able to sleep. You even feel good and love to share a moment with them.

You, the person reading the text, you might be wondering who is the « you » here. The « you » is in fact myself, the author of this text and this is a part of my story.

[hakuteeth]

An Answer to why Queer Women love Harry Styles

A response to this article

I first heard about Harry Styles in 2012. My sister was obsessed with One Direction’s tour diary videos and she was trying to show me one of their videos. We then stumbled upon “What Makes You Beautiful,” the video for the first single and it was love at first sight, for my sister anyways. I wouldn’t immerse myself in the fandom until two years later when my obsession with Glee had ended. My first impression of Harry was uneventful, I thought he was cute but at the time I never thought anything of it. Just another boyband in the world of pop. I was more concerned with anime and learning how to drive.

I have tickets to see Harry next year, bought almost a year in advance. I have his album on CD and vinyl (gifted to me by an extremely kind person in the fandom). I have his Another Man cover (another gift), his rolling stone cover, and I plan on buying more merch. Does that matter? I mean in the world of media based journalism of course it does. People are interested in Harry, but the think pieces on his rabid fans are ever the more fascinating. Why are we so obsessed? They wonder.

Even though I first heard Harry’s name in 2012, I wasn’t an official fan of him until 2015. That’s when he picked up the first pride flag. Harry wasn’t my favorite member, he usually ranked second when I listed them, but to me in that moment nothing else mattered. I had to run to my room to cry on my bed. I should probably say that 2015 was the same year I realized I liked girls and that itself was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. To be a fan of someone and then have them validate you in probably one of the most crucial points in a gay person’s life (not the coming out but the realization they are gay). It’s monumental and it hits you like fucking bricks.

I asked for people to send me messages on Tumblr about reasons they love Harry, Kiwitat said “man i love harry cause i know he'd love me back, not in spite of the fact im gay but fuckin because im gay!! bc its such an important part of who i am!!”

Xavierharry said: “i love harry for so many reasons, first because he is so shamelessly himself and doesn't try to change himself to appease anyone. i love him because in this cesspool of an entertainment industry, there's someone who is kind and caring and willing to learn & grow. i love him because he started his first solo tour and the opening act was made up exclusively of queer women, and people have the gall to wonder why we love him. when he waves the gay, bi, trans & pan flag, i feel happy & safe & on top”

Acheappackofcigarettes wrote: I’m queer and I love harry because he has always so consistently supported me and my community with zero hesitation even when his band mates made some Not so nice remarks!

Anonymous wrote: “ok trying to make sense of my thoughts here but I love harry bc I feel validated by him, I almost see him as my friend and I know that he'd always be supportive. I love him because he's genuine, he tells everyone to be kind and he is genuinely kind to everyone which is quite rare these days if we're being honest. he doesn't seem fake or fabricated, he's just a really nice person. I love him because he makes me want to be the best version of myself that I can be.”

I have so many friends with similar stories.

See, when you try to paint queer women as rabid fangirls who are fucking weirdos, you tend to miss the rest of us. Not just people who identify as queer, but the lesbians, the bisexual women, the pansexual women, every woman in between. Some of us like harry fanfiction, some of us find it fucking weird. We all want to wear his suits, but that’s only number 8 on the reasons we love Harry Styles list. Trying to delve deep into the psyche of the Gays Obssessed with Harry Support Group you missed who we are at our core.

I’m 21 and every time I see Harry holding a pride flag it’s a symbol of empowerment. I’m 21 and I know Harry Styles would fist fight my internalized homophobia in a wendy’s parking lot no questions asked. I’m 21 and I thought about killing myself cause I didn’t want to be gay. But there’s something about wanting to live cause you don’t want to disappoint somebody who says that you matter. I found friends who care about me and know who I am. I’m 21 still not out but still here.

Harry Styles doesn’t use labels, sometimes neither do we. By painting him as a queerbaiting straight artist out for our money is frustrating to say the least. Harry is private, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. In Harry’s world, it’s never been about him but always about us. Earlier this year, he named Muna as his opening act on his first solo tour. Muna, an all woman queer band. They have since stated how Harry strives to be inclusive at his shows, to create a safe space for LGBT+ women. Harry Styles has continued to advocate for the community, through social media and monetary means. He keeps it androgynous, ambiguous, but I never felt dragged along for the ride. It’s almost as if I took this journey with him. On his tour, he’s only missed one pride flag. On twitter in his likes you’ll find a picture of two lesbian fans kissing holding the same pride flag he held.

I’m sorry if you can’t see who he is. If it’s difficult for people to comprehend why the dykes, the queers, the gays love Harry Styles. Maybe it’s the fanfiction, the fact that we want to be him, sleep with him, or maybe it’s more than that.

Maybe it’s the fact that for some of us, or most of us, by just being himself, telling us to treat each other with kindness, taking a pride flag, can experience so much love. By doing such simple actions he make a room full of people experience love in its purest form.

[drunkkenobi]

“bye”

I need to talk about my TAZ finale thoughts and tumblr, you're the easiest place to do it. Spoilers under the cut.

First, I gotta say, I used up all my luck on this today. My department is one big room with two smaller offices (my boss and my coworker's) while my desk is just at the end against the wall. So I'm not really ever alone unless no one else is here. Well, my one coworker is on vacation this week and today, my boss was out for a few hours because we have a customer in today. He only came back when I had like 8 minutes left. I am so so thrilled that I got to listen almost completely uninterrupted for almost 3 straight hours and I got to laugh when I wanted and cry/get teary when I couldn't help it. So thanks Pan or Istus or Jefandrew, whoever made that possible.

Anyway, that was great. We got our big ass boss fight that the boys destroyed. (honestly I think my 3rd or 4th favorite part of the entire finale was "92." "Fuck you.") The way the bonds from the Stolen Century arc paid off was really neat. Fucking Merle just using his 9-second stone just to use it. (Griffin: "Why did I give YOU this mechanic?!") Fucking Merle also calling in his bonds without really thinking them through. "The indecipherable shape of Garfield the Deals Warlock." Taako's 3 or 4 final fuck you lines to The Hunger. Fisher and Junior! That mental image of Taako blasting Sunbeam with Magnus' hand on his shoulder and Merle's arms wrapped around his legs and all the white threads connected them. So good.

Then we got the meta train scene (scuttle buddy!) which I took to interpret as "Jefandrew" standing in for all the storytellers talking to the characters that inhabit their stories (although I was with Travis and, at first, thinking "Gary Gygax?") and how the characters are the ones that drive the story, even when they're not controlled by other actual people. (And a way for Griffin to thank his family, too). Gonna be thinking on that scene for awhile, for sure.

Then it's a year later and Taako & Lup (with a body!) are goofing around in the kitchen and Merle's getting dressed in something fancy and we find out what they've been up to. Taako being a global brand is just perfect and I love how much he likes and trusts Ren to help out with his ridiculous sounding school. And Angus! ANGUS MY BOY. Oh god I love him so much. ("I know about the silverware.") And Merle finally stepping up and no longer being a deadbeat dad and fuckin' Mooky ("I'M OKAY!") and insisting on being called "Earle Merle" (I'm laughing again just thinking about that) was all so great. Mavis and his little heart-to-heart was my first tear, though. I cannot believe Merle fucking Hitower Highchurch made me cry on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS throughout this podcast

. Then I realized this event they were having was not a one year celebration of the Hunger being defeated but a wedding and it's a big ol' lesbian wedding for Carey and Killian and my heart soared. And then Magnus gives his best friend a little pep talk before the ceremony and it's all sweet and funny, especially once Magnus talks about his last year and he's training rescue dogs oh my god (and named his own after Johann!). 

Then Griffin, instead of adding a little color to this story with an NPC, drops this fucking bomb:

"How does Magnus die?"

FUCK. F U C K. fuuuuuuuck.

One of my favorite things about this podcast (which I listened to all of in about 6 weeks) has been how invested in Magnus Travis is. It really made me love the character all the more and this being the scene we end his story with just....fuck. I'm seriously about to cry just remembering it about two hours after I first heard it. And Travis talking about how when this story started, Magnus would have wanted to go out in a big battle in a blaze of glory but now he'd like to go peacefully as an old man, and he does, surrounded by everyone (thanks elf and dwarf ages) and Kravitz takes him to a cottage and even though I knew it would be Julia and his dogs, it still fucking broke me. 

"And one last time, Magnus rushes in."

Aaaaand I'm crying at work, again, and more this time.

Fuck that was just so good. I'm so late to this party, like I said I just started at the beginning of July, listening on my commute and sometimes at work, and laughing at these goofballs play DnD, but I'm so glad I got to experience this story. It's one of the more extraordinary ones I've experienced in a long time (and considering most of my free time is just watching TV, movies, reading comics, and playing video games, I consume a lot of stories). Thank you, McElroys for one hell of a universe, I'm going to be thinking about it for a long time.

[the-hunters-rebel-heart]

Ideas

Right, so i have oodles of ideas... can picture some of them... Need to figure out the sequence. Need to get the outlines and mindmaps together.

Crud lol.

Idea 1 (already written but could do muuuch better - story Five in my Sam’s Love Story Series) - Jessica Moore Returns and Sam Winchester is in a Relationship with another woman. Yeah... nice and angsty... could be much angstier than what I have written.

Idea 2: Demon!Dean :-D Dean has adopted a hell hound (oh my god the angst) and Demon!Dean fathers a child. Ohhh this could be such a treasure trove of angst and plot. Maybe part of my aforementioned series

Idea 3: Dean has a twin... who turns out to be related to Garth Fitzgerald IV through adoption! OMG, and this twin is a frigging FED! I mean, what the hell could go wrong? Bahahahaha. Okay, so he’s a former FED who is wanted by the government... might have the NSA pick him up, pardon him, and make him an Agent there... but Bahahahaha... so much sweet, sweet angst. Another one of the aforementioned series.

Idea 4: Sam and Dean have been hiding some pretty massive secrets... *cough kids cough* who aren’t exactly human... and the Men of Letters go after their families and just... Mary ends up in the middle, her maternal instincts finally kick in and it’s like... WTF. This could get fluffy and angsty at the same time. This would NOT be related to my other writings.

Idea 5: Two young hunters come busting into the present from the future and they turn out to be Sam adn Dean’s sons... or a son and a daughter... or something ... and this could prove hilarious. Not related to anything else

Idea 6: Sam and Dean have to, with the help of some others, gather some Weapons that were made by Chuck or Amara or whatever, before they fall into the wrong hands, and end up imbibed with the powers of those weapons... like angelic or demonic powers or something. Yeah - still thinking about this one. May do something where they have to gather these objects and become angels in the end. Not sure yet. Unrelated

Idea 7: Castiel has a girlfriend? Or he has a kid he’s been hiding for a long, long time... or both? I’m not sure yet... been turning the gears on this one in my brain for a few months - haven’t decided where I want to go with it. unrelated

Idea 8: Amara created an angel of her own before being locked away, and Chuck hid from him that he was her creation instead... but something has been suspected since the Angels fell that he was different... and maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t need a vessel... like... she was trying to appease Chuck to get him to pay attention to and love her again by creating this angel and he locked her away anyway before discovering her creation? Unrelated (maybe)

Idea 9: Right, so I did an unrelated fic where Crowley was Sam and Dean’s birth father. What if, and this could prove hilarious, but what if Cass turned up as Sam and Dean’s father which is why they were chosen as Michael and Lucifer’s vessels? Like John was Cass’s vessel at one time and Mary didn’t know it. I don’t think the ones who are all for Destiel will like this... but I see them more as family than lovers (I don’t ship destiel). When I say family, I mean like brothers. unrelated

Idea 10: Right, so what if the whole thing with the MoC didn’t happen, and after the Garth incident, Sam and Dean went their own ways... and Dean ended up falling hard for a werewolf and having a kid with her... and then somehow Mary was brought back and ended up working with the MoL... and yeah... or even Mary AND John were revived somehow... and don’t realize the woman they tried to kill was Dean’s wife... nor that they placed their grandkid in danger? unrelated

Idea 11: Sam and Dean have long lost kids? Like, the darkness had totaled the Impala or something, Sam and Dean got separated, and Dean and Sam were having problems finding each other... and maybe Dean was injured enough to need medical attention... only to be found by his daughter... unrelated (of course)

Idea 12: Sam and Dean are reincarnations of the original Men of Letters - two men who started the entire thing... actually, i started this one a long time ago in another form and it ran out of steam - just am not sure where I want to go with it. unrelated

Idea 13: Dean manages to shut the Gates of Hell after a fight with Sam - ends up reviving a year and a half later... and... I’m not quite sure where I want to go with that either... Like, I’m really not. unrelated

Idea 14: Sam and Dean have hidden that they are Government Agents from each other for almost forever but find out about it. unrelated

Idea 15: Mmmm... there’s just something about Dean having been a Marine that I kinda like, and Sam doesn’t know about it... like hunting is actually a Marine Black Op, and Dean is the head of the operation and stuff... and go through and explain his severe, severe, severe fear of flying... like while he was on tour or something, his plane went down or something, and his ... unit? Platoon? I don’t know which one to go with, is being murdered for their connection to him from something that happened during one of his tours while Sam was in college? Alright, so I’m a sucker for an NCIS crossover story - from the days of Ziva and Tony. unrelated

Idea 16: So I’m a sucker for a Dukes of Hazzard crossover too - and the show is NOT racist (if you think that, you’re a bigot because some of the most beloved characters were black! The flag was not used in the racial context, it was used to represent rebellion against a corrupt legal system which is WHY Robert E Lee fought for the South is he thought the US legal system was corrupt and although he did own slaves, he was considering releasing them before the war broke out. Lee was first choice for the Union Army General before Grant... well that and Lee was from Virginia and was loyal to his state as was common in that day). *clears throat* anyway, now that that is out of the way - Sam and Dean time travel back to the 1980′s to save a Nephilim or something, and said Nephilim eventually ends up transported to the present time or sometime within the Supernatural timeline... yeah, still thinking this one out :-) unrelated

Idea 17: So Bobby hired help, and is unaware she is a bad ass hunter, and she ends up saving their asses when something gets loose on Bobby’s property. Still formulating this one. unrelated - could be come another series like the other series?

Idea 18: Purgatory ends up spewing its guts, and Benny Lafitte returns... yeah, still trying to figure this one out too. unrelated

Idea 19: Sam or Dean is suffering mental illness... just because... like addiction or something. unrelated

Idea 20: Right, so this dates back to the Human!Impala phase that went around Tumblr... but... what if the Impala had the soul of a woman trapped within due to a witch’s curse? Nothing romantic... more a maternal thing toward Sam and Dean. unrelated

Idea 21: Criminal Minds crossover :-D Goes back to the whole secret agent idea where Sam or Dean is an FBI agent and the other doesn’t know about it. unrelated

Idea 22: alright, so this is a Lifetime Movie Ripoff, and I think someone else hinted at this idea too but - Jessica Moore was having an affair with another man, Sam had a very large life insurance policy, and Jess wanted it, and maybe she framed Sam as someoen who he wasn’t and after her death, the guy thinks Sam murdered her due to all the lies, and goes a hunting for Winchester? unrelated

Idea 23: Okay, so, uh, Twin!Dean idea with my Twin!Dean OC where Cole Trent knows Dean’s Twin and something happened to Trent’s wife and son or something and Trent starts hunting and teams up with his old USMC buddy? My OC btw, is exMarine and FBI or NSA depending on the fic. unrelated. Still trying to figure this one out.

Idea 24: Right, so I’ve written stories like this Twice already, but there’s just something that doesn’t get old about Dean Winchester having a siamese twin and finding out about it lol. Like... maybe make a series of fics about Dean Winchester having a Twin brother?

Idea 25: Mary ends up finding out a friend was tossed from the 80′s to present day... like a girl she was mentoring... and said girl is involved with her youngest son... with a nice angsty hunt mixed in for good measure.

Like... God I’m awful lol.

And some of these are pretty damned unique ideas that I have YET to see in this fandom.

This is why I let my characters guide me in writing and coming up with ideas.

But this is faaaar too many ideas and I will probably never write them all. Some of these ideas, I’ve had on the drawling board for a few years. Some of them I started writing with a friend but never finished.

Like... Honest... and this isn’t even all the ideas I have!!!!

So what are everyone’s favorite ideas listed here??? (reminder: I do NOT write smut or Reader Inserts or for real living people or Destiel or Wincest or Sam as Gay or Dean as Gay even if I do poke fun in some of my unfinished stuff that I abandoned... well, you get the idea... and I do write Charlie as a Lesbian if and when I try to write her).

If you use any of these ideas... I WANT CREDIT.

[blooming-blooming]

All the multiples of 4 ^^

4. What’s your current NOTP? I’m actually really chill with most Zexal ships!! If I had to choose, though, probably Vector and Yuma. Kaiba and Jonouchi is also a constant NOTP of mine.8. Have you ever shipped yourself with a character? I did as a kid, and, embarrassingly, I still do. I have a DMGX era self insert I ship with Mai that I never talk about. It’s like Carol, but with more card games.12. Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together? ….I honestly don’t think I have any ships that have gotten together. Minus, like, Judai and Yubel.16. Talk about a ship you initially disliked. Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth was something I wasn’t big on at all for a really, really long time; I always felt Phoenix would have been better with Mia in an AU where she lived. Then I met my (now) girlfriend and saw how much the pairing helped her. I kept an open mind to it when replaying the games a few years ago, and ended up falling for the ship. Since we’ve entered our relationship, I’ve ended up becoming majorly into it, which is something I never imagined would happen.20. Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping. Kaede Ichinose and Ichigo Hoshimiya from Aikatsu! is a big one; they have a lot of development together towards the end of the first season, only for minimal expansion from season 2 onwards. It’s a rarepair in the Japanese fandom, which makes it beyond obscure in the miniscule western fandom. I feel lucky to know one other person who ships it.24. Do you mostly ship canon pairings? Ha ha, no. The only canon pairing I ship is Judai and Yubel from GX. That, and while I don’t “ship” for Utena, I have a very deep appreciation for the canon relationship between Utena and Anthy. But I consider that different than shipping.28. Does shipping come easily to you? Yep! I’m very drawn and prone to shipping, though there are some exceptions.32. Share five must-read fics.

 Floriography by Lirillith: HeartCatch PreCure, Cure Blossom x Cure Sunshine. Post-canon oneshot; Itsuki putting together a bouquet of flowers to confess to Tsubomi. Anyone who knows me well knows that HeartCatch majorly shaped my identity and made me who I am today. My identity as a lesbian is no exception; when I was 15 I had a major crush on Itsuki, and Tsubomi’s canon crush on her helped me feel more comfortable in liking girls. This fic does a really good job on showing things from Itsuki’s PoV: While she looks cool on the surface, she’s majorly out of touch with her feminine identity and doesn’t know how to express her emotions, making her an awkward wreck. It’s absolutely adorable.

Hot For Justice by indirectkissesiniceland: Ace Attorney, Klavier Gavin X Apollo Justice. Post Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney/Gyakuten Saiban 4, Klavier goes through a slump in his career until he starts getting to know Apollo better. A fic I’m sure is on most Klapollo fic rec lists; Hot For Justice hit me because of how eerily similar it played out to my own headcanons on how Klavier and Apollo get together. It’s wonderfully written as well – the scene of Klavier bluntly telling Apollo his feelings in Chapter 25 makes me cry every time I read it, and I strive to write a scene that can impact a reader in my works the way that one impacts me. My only complaint overall with HfJ is the few scenes where Kristoph is portrayed as a loving older brother to Klavier, which thankfully are few and far between.

Grasping Sunshine by Rosage: Ace Attorney, Sasha Buckler X Athena Cykes. Post Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies/Gyakuten Saiban 5 oneshot; Athena starts volunteering for the whale show at Ship Shape Aquarium and realizes her feelings for Sasha along the way. This ship is one of my favorites from Ace Attorney, and, sadly, probably my most obscure. This fic handles their relationship really well, and shows off a lot of little nuances in both characters that are big reasons as to why I think they’d make a wonderful couple.

Operation: Find Kaito Tenjo by Brushfire: YuGiOh Zexal, Kaito Tenjo x Mizael X V, with focus on Mizael X V and Kaito X Mizael, along with Shun X Haruto. Set in an Arc V AU before Kaito was confirmed to cameo; Kaito is kidnapped by Academia shortly after the events of Zexal and used to work on carding technology. Several years later, Heartland is a wasteland and Mizael and V have retreated to Kaito’s villa in the mountains to help raise Haruto. In their struggles to keep Haruto safe and fend themselves from Academia, their only goal is to get Kaito back. Sadly on indefinite hiatus, this fic has a lot of really, really strong things going for it: the relationships between all of the characters are really well handled, the premise is strong, and it is overall executed very, very well. While it is an Arc V AU, the author has confirmed the fic is more of a love letter to Zexal than anything else. It has at least some inspiration for my own fic, Ad Astra, and I have accepted the headcanon of Kaito being Alcor with open arms (albeit in different ways than she has, and I don’t know if it will come up in any of my fics). 

Heartland City By Night by Fenikkusu_Ai: YuGiOh Zexal, Kaito Tenjo X Mizael. Post-canon oneshot, Mizael stays with Kaito after being revived. This fic shows that quality is better than quantity. Not even reaching 200 words, the language the author uses is absolutely gorgeous, and creates a very serene and emotional atmosphere. I can’t believe I forgot to kudo/bookmark this fic before writing this list, because I have read it so many times and consistently been blown away.

36. Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for you ships? I’m an artist and fic author for sure!40. If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be? I’m pretty satisfied with MizaKai in canon minus their lack of onscreen closure (which I can fill in the blanks for anyways), so I’ll go with a different OTP.Hey Capcom: What the fuck have you done to Klavier Gavin and Apollo Justice in the newer games.

[oddlymysteriousphoenix]

#74 (#2) 1:59pm July 14

-October 22 2:56pm Eh, today had been a bit better compared to other days. I realize I’ve been lazy and haven’t been writing much on here. I will promise for now on, it has been pretty rough since last Friday since my sadness hit on of it’s lowest points again. Blegh, this year I’ve lost more than what I’ve gained so far. I don’t plan to live long if the trend continues for the rest of this year and the next. I miss all my close Xbox friends, it’s my fault I’m currently avoiding them. I think they’re happier without me and their happiness is all I care about (for the most part). On the bright side, I’ve managed to get some inspiration to continue my skills on guitar, drawing and ‘’singing’’ (I can’t sing). The motivation came from a reference from an old movie which ‘’predicted’’ October 21 2015. (Back to the Future 2, 1985) The actor who played the crazy scientist recorded a video containing these words: ‘’Great Scott! If my calculations are correct, it is now precisely October 21, 2015. The future has finally arrived. Yes, it is different than we all thought. But don’t worry. It just means your future hasn’t been written yet. No one has. Your future is whatever you make it so make it a good one.’’ His last words probably hit me more than others since I love ‘’Back to the Future’’. It’s one of my favorite movies. I recently watched ‘’Bridge of Spies’’ this past weekend. I thought it was a great movie, especially for not making the Russians the ultimate bad people during the Cold War. (Movie set during the height of it). Asides from movies, I’ve managed to gear from my gf’s voice after weeks of not hearing it. It stuck me to my heart to hear how depressed she was.  Thought the call cut out, I was able to treasure the bitter sweet voice I was able to hear. Like always, she’s my everything. I just hope she can beat her illness… -3:31pm -October 27 7:32pm Today’s the day of my 33rd monthly anniversary with my gf! Plus, today is when Halo 5 is finally out after all these years. I might get it tonight or tomorrow I cant wait to play it. Aside from that I’ve been having a rough week. Ive gotten so much of tests and homework, I’m pretty sure I’m off to a bad start. My depression loves to get the best of me. Sometimes I think my life is useless and Ill never be good enough. Suicidal thoughts? Yes, plenty of them as each minute fades to the past. I’m still waiting if life really does get better, things have been pretty flat with some downs. I still feel numb from the constant bombings of my thoughts. I’m still unhappy with my life, not even improving in my hobbies. I play guitar like a child, I sing like a whale and my drawings would be great to be used as toilet paper on how crappy it is. Ugh, at least all of my friends are doing well. Sosa (basically only school friend) has been doing great since he’s been hanging out with this one girl. She sounds pretty friendly from what I’ve heard of her from him. I’m just concerned things might go wrong between them, resulting them to not to speak to each other (Im sure they wouldn’t have sex, she’s a lesbian, at least for now).  I hope the best for him. He’s a great guy for certain. I don’t know how my other friends are doing, I haven’t talked to them due to my ‘’exodus’’. I hope they’re all okay. Lastly, but for best, I THINK my doing fine. Depressed, still? Yeah. Busy? Yeah. Do I still love her? Always and eternity. Happy 33rd anniversary, my love. My everything… 8:00pm P.S. = Te amo

- November 4 7:12pm Well, this week has been alright. Anyway! I got Halo 5 and beat the campaign on the same day. My opinion for the story: It was alright, I mean, some parts were just great, yet I think the story could’ve been so much better. Cortana… Ugh, I’m speechless, I can’t believe what happened to her. She didn’t seem right when she first appeared. She changed. It pains me to know after what Master Chief tried to do to get Cortana back, he couldn’t. Cortana went off her own path on what she thought was right. Master Chief asks ‘’Where’s Cortana?’’ Spartan Locke replies ‘’She’s gone. He stares at Locke with his broken visor. Then, Cortana causes havoc. More scenes passes by, then the credits. The music plays on only to leaves us guessing what’ll happen soon. (Break) -11:16pm. Well, I forgot to continue, woops. Ill write more soon. I have a lot in mind at the moment. - November 11 6:20pm

Ah, this day had been lonesome. Monday and Tuesday has been alright. Yet, Tuesday after school I realized something. I’m worth nothing. Ugh, I’m basically depressed. On Xbox, Stori has been distant. It’s like she doesn’t like my presence anymore. She’s been hanging out with ‘’Skitz’’ and ‘’G’’ (both Xbox names just shortened) so much. I don’t understand why. I understand G is online all the time and so is Stori, but I guess G has convinced Stori to get away from me. G and I haven’t talked in weeks., he’s a horrible person. If only Stori would notice, it bothers me greatly. I know G wants me dead, he told Seeker and Stori that I should commit suicide. Ugh, he disgusts me. I don’t plan to talk to him, but Ill do it if it prevents me from losing Stori. As of now, my best friends are Seeker, Dj, and Sosa, the school friend. Skitz and G can just be gone, they’re rotten apples to me. Useless and unwanted, I despise them immensely. It’s blatant that G hates me, you can feel the vibe of it. Well, sorta, I’m just exaggerating here. My gf says just to give it time. Which I will, since I can’t be against what makes my friend happy. I just miss Stori and Dj and Seeker being around. Nowadays, it’s just me all alone. Sosa is suicidal, but ‘’his’’ girl should help out a lot. Even though she’s a lesbian, things can change. As for my Erin (GF), she’s doing just fine. I still think she’s fine without me. I still love her. All the time she. She’s my universe. Yeah, she’s happy with me, but I feel I’m not good enough. I never have felt it, I’m nothing. Hell, I haven’t done anything that adds worth to me. Everyone else is just better than me no matter how little they try. I’m invisible, I’m no one and nobody. Suicide has been constant in my mind, but I live for others. Ill keep living until (Break, mom’s here, 7:01pm) 10:43pm They’re all gone from my life and gone from their thoughts. As for now, they’re here and I should enjoy their presence while I can. They’re family. MY family, the one I always wanted… 10:46Pm P.S. I had no school today.

-November 13 6:43pm

Each day of each hour has its sweets and sours. Days and nights where they feel the same. Today is bittersweet. I’ve managed to speak to my Love on Skype. She’s perfect as always, I love her greatly. She’s still largely insecure about our love. She feels like one day Ill send her a breakup text, which will never occur no matter what situation. I love her. Before that, she was talking about her being pregnant with triplets, in her dream. Saying how it went and how our family was there, both friend and biological. She spoiled me with kisses as we  chatted, she’s just perfection. I could never ask for more, only for us to be together soon. T took some screenshots to store the memories for the near future. Yet, as of now, I’m lonely. Erin is off doing something and I’m alone on Xbox as well. A couple of minutes ago I’ve been noticed that France is under terrorist attacks. It’s so interesting to know how everything can change so easily in just one hour. I’m afraid what will happen afterwards especially the refugees. I know most Europeans will be swayed towards anti-Islam thinking gen realizing the enemy and hurting the innocent. I’ve observed many tragedies, I hope this doesn’t lead them to chaos. If it does, time will tell. The choices of the people will determine the future of a country. As for now, I guess I’ll have another lonesome Friday. As my friends have fun, as my love carries on, I’ll be here. Hoping for the best in each of us. 7:05pm

-November 17 10:52pm

Ah, Im here doing homework Ill probably sleep at 12. Quick review of this week from last Friday/ Terrorist attack on France, soon later saw ‘’Forrest Gump’’ for the first time. I loved it. Saturday, I managed to get close to Stori on Xbox. It was just her, Seeker and me. She told me how G was still angry at me from a long ago event. She’s been trying to think otherwise. Plus, she reminded me on how Im still important to her. Oh, before that Seeker and Stori got into a small brawl over her different laughter which he wasn’t used to. Though it kinda killed the party mood, it soon recovered. I just feel bad for Seeker since I’m the only one that knows him seriously. As he said, being a jokester causes people not to take him seriously. He’s a great gut, I just wish he was valued more by people. We all stayed up to around 4 A.M. . It  was great, also my GF called on Skype to 3:11-3:13 to 3:14-28 Am. She mumbled mostly through all. Sunday was all work. This week has been okay besides having a lot of work to do. My Gf and I talked again which made me very happy. She’s perfect. Well, I need to focus on my work now. I’m so sleepy… 11:10pm

-November 24 12:55am

Ah, what a pleasant week it has been Friday. Guitar playing, gaming on Xbox One, talking to my Perfect Love and best friends, as well as drawing. I, for once, feel like I’m making progress in my life. Maybe Ill start writing a song since my mom has been awfully occupied with babysitting. Yet, it leaves the place to me. I don’t mean that as a selfish way, more in a way to be able to express what I love to do. As of now, I’m listening to ‘’FoxBoro HotTubs’’ which is basically ‘’Green Day’’ under another name. As nerdy and childish it sounds, I hope to be as great as them or even more. I love their songs as most would already know. I most certainly would cherish in being in a band and becoming a songwriter along with a couple of hobbies on the side. Even though I contain no pride or self esteem, it’s still something I want to go for. If I’m not able to reach that dream, then I’m not sure what’ll become of my. I’m sure I’ll be married to the girl who I love now, Erin. Skyping her for an hour was fantastic, 11:32pm-12:33pm. She makes me feel complete and I fly with joy knowing she’s beside me at all times. She’s perfection. Aside from that, I’ll update my family. Stori has being doing great compared to her bad things. One of her best friends has come over to visit her for the week. As from latest knowledge, they went to a birthday party. Bubba has been doing just fine, nothing negative that I’ve seen. He’s still trying to get his Canadian girl named Cristina, she’s sweet and happy usually. I wish him luck, even after about one or two years chasing after her. I introduced her to Bubba way back on Xbox, first met her sister then Cristina on GTA V on the Xbox 360. Anyway, Sosa has been doing well, I think. I texted him a bit today, still with his ‘’French’’ girl. Rose is okay, I sadly haven’t talked to her much. I plan to talk to her more, I don’t want to lose her. She means too much to me, she’s part of the family. I’m doing a drawing for her to cheer her up. She’s okay, but not well. I want her to know that I’m still beside her in her hardships. We’ll that’s about it. I’m off to play some Halo 5 or Black Ops 3. I desire for days like this are soon to arrive. 1:45Am

-3:26pm

[purplesurveys]

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