#anyway i feel like it's been a good summer of cinema for me

[kimmkitsuragi]

going to see oppenheimer again tmrw this time on imax ✌ most filmbro thing ive done probably

[wilwheaton]

favorite goncharov character

Goncharov! Holy shit I haven't thought about Goncharov in YEARS!

I remember seeing it at the Vista theatre downtown in ... I want to say 1983? It was either 82 and I was 10, or 83 and I was 11. Now that I think about it, it must have been Spring of 83. I remember that Kimmy Mendini was my babysitter, and she drove my friend Ahmed and me all the way downtown to see Goncharov. She would have been at least 16, but I feel like she was a little older. I remember that she LOVED movies and just never stopped talking about European cinema.

Ha! I can still her her sort of roll "Cinema" out of her mouth. Movies were for the masses to watch, while sophisticated adults experienced Cinema. I'm just realizing now that she absolutely pronounced it with a capital C. She was like "you are so lucky to see a clean print of Goncharov!"

I had no idea what a clean print was, but I understood it was important and impressive.

She had read about this screening in the LA Weekly, which I didn't know at the time was TREMENDOUSLY subversive in our suburban part of Los Angeles County, and we were going to an old theatre in maybe not the greatest part of town, but Kimmy had been watching me since I was in second grade and was like my big sister. I knew we'd be safe with her.

That old theatre (which is now a fucking swap meet) was just so beautiful inside. 100 foot ceilings, box seats, gold paint and murals. It felt like a place you went to experience Cinema, but, like ... it had absolutely seen better days. I remember that I felt kind of bad for the place, a little embarrassed, like when I got a good grade and accidentally made eye contact with a friend who got a D.

Okay. This clearly hit a memory artery, and I appreciate you staying with me this far, when we finally get to the fireworks factory. We're walking up to the box office, and she tells Ahmed and me that we have to wait on the sidewalk, because *technically* it's rated R, and she's not our legal guardian, but what does this guy making two bucks an hour know about art anyway?

So we wait. She buys the tickets, and then we all walk in as casually as we can.

I remember how scared I was that we were going to get caught and they'd call the cops (that's how it worked in my anxiety-ridden brain), but literally nobody cared. The theatre wasn't even half full, and everyone there was a dude at least as old as my parents.

You know the story, so I don't have to recount all of it, but I can at this very moment remember how shocked I was when Bruno was shot. This was the first time, ever, I had felt an emotional connection to a character. I didn't cry when Bambi's mother was shot, I didn't cry when ET died, I didn't cry E V E R.

But when Bruno died? I didn't make a sound. I just silently wept. Tears just poured down my face and I wanted to roll back time, rewrite the movie, and get him out of that room.

I obviously understand now, all these years later why I connected to him and why his story meant and means so much to me, but at the time I had no idea. I just thought the actors were that good.

I can't believe that guy who played him died so young. I think he was like 40? I remember thinking that was old. Now I know different.

When the movie was over, Kimmy asked us how we liked it. Ahmed was obsessed with the photography (he grew up to be an illustrator), and I obviously had my Bruno Moment.

We got Thrifty ice cream on the way home and listened to Donna Summer in her Datsun.

I haven't thought about Goncharov or Cinema or Kimmy in FOREVER. Leave it to Tumblr to boost my nostalgia check to a natural 20.

tl;dr: Bruno. I know he's supposed to be that character we all hate, and there are so many valid reasons for that. But when I was 12 ... well, I was a different person.

Oh! And now that I know what a "clean print" is, having seen so many "dirty prints" in revival houses before they all turned into swap meets or churches (hey, two places where people sell you stuff and take your money!), I retroactively appreciate it in a way that would make Kimmy happy.

Thanks for the trip into the crumbling mall that is my childhood memories. I haven't been here in awhile and it was nice to visit.

[lilacxquartz]

Those Late Summer Nights | Chapter 2

satoru gojo x f!reader x suguru geto

plot: you moved to tokyo over the summer to take a teaching job. as you get settled in, you find yourself entangled in a toxic dynamic.

chapter summary: you ended up sharing just a little bit too much to the people you just met but you haven’t scared them off just yet. as a result, you quickly find yourself growing closer to the group.

< Previous Chapter • Next Chapter >

2. Fitting In

“Really?” Satoru interrupted you halfway through your sentence as you explained the small town life, his voice was quite loud at this point. “Not even a single cinema?”

The two of you were sitting quite closely as he had swapped seats with Shoko, who was idly chatting away to Suguru about something else for quite some time now. Your lacking childhood and bleak teenage years were something of interest to Satoru as it seemed as he took personal offence on your behalf whenever you got into the town details and your former student life.

“Yeah,” you nodded along, your tone was a little more relaxed now and you didn’t quite feel so intimidated by him now that you had a good flow going on, “you had to go into the city to do anything at all.”

“Which you’re telling me was also quite far?” he asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, so I guess I just… didn’t, not outside of field trips anyway,” you replied confirming his suspicions.

“That’s crazy,” he added, pouring you another glass again as you held onto the glass but just barely—were you supposed to tell him to stop at some point?

It felt embarrassing in a way to admit what your life was before coming here, but such towns weren’t too far from the norm in the country; the towns were safe and peaceful and sometimes even pretty, but they were boring unless you were a young child or just about to retire.

“Yeah, it was-“ you continued to nod along, your voice slurring just enough for Shoko to notice this and put a stop what she was doing at the opposite end to put the glass back on the table.

“—That’s enough, maybe,” she interrupted you, giving Satoru a disapproving look as she then glanced at the bottle.

“I think I can manage,” you tried to defend your state, feeling so warm and so liquified almost; all of your anxiety seemed to melt away and was replaced with gradually dizzying vision as your body swayed more than it should, but in such a pleasant way.

“Hey, I get it—I drink more when I have to talk to him too,” she smiled, trying to keep your attention, “but let’s all talk together, yeah?”

You quietly nodded as there was some truth to what she was saying. You initially drank more to get into the act of talking to Satoru because he was immediately too much, too questioning and by now you were perfectly tipsy, drunk even.

Maybe another drink would have been a mistake.

You trusted her for now, understanding that she was the binder between the two as she seemed to get along with both Suguru and Satoru in a deeply rooted way. Beyond anything you could understand at least. They must have all been friends for a very long time and if you were honest, you were pretty jealous of their established dynamic even if you didn’t let it show.

It wasn’t as if they made you feel like you were intruding on their space though, if anything, they were the opposite.

“So, you tired of talking about your town yet?” she asked as she let out a slight laugh, moving the hair out of your eyes as she leaned across the table, fixing your appearance up just a little.

“Yeah, I guess you could say,” you said, although unsure how to properly reply, “I can’t really find anything good to say about it.”

“Something happen there?” Suguru asked, swaying the conversation to a direction you weren’t quite ready to go.

But you trusted the company around you, at least currently. You definitely wanted to. It would be so nice if you could just belong for once and tell others your problems rather than keeping them bottled in.

Was it too soon, though?

You were too drunk to care about the consequences, anyway.

“It’s a small enough town that you, uh, become the talk of it if something happens, it’s not like Tokyo where you can hide in the crowd, it’s more like…” you replied as you tried to piece everything along, wondering if anyone picked up on your sudden nervousness already, if it was obvious from the start, “uh, I guess it was relatively clique-like? One dominant family was the most influential so if their kids didn’t like the other kids, then it was tough luck for them.”

“Oh, so you got bullied,” Satoru quickly understood, grunting immediately as Shoko seemingly kicked him from under the table.

“They were just regular people though, right?” Suguru asked as his eyes narrowed, “not sorcerers?”

“Oh yeah, yeah, I was the only sorcerer in town as far as I knew, so… it was just… yeah,” you confirmed.

“Did you get beaten up often or something?” Satoru asked as he tried to understand. It wasn’t that his tone mocked you, it just felt too real to acknowledge it in that way.

At least when Suguru asked, he was vague. You were quick to shake it off though, you didn’t know Satoru too well just yet and besides, you did have fun talking to him, so maybe there wasn’t anything rude about it.

How typical, though. A peculiar thought crossed your mind: even in the new city, your past still managed to follow you all the way there.

You were about to reply with something but you noticed Satoru grunt under the table again as this time Suguru stared at him.

“What’s up with the kicking?” Satoru whined.

“Don’t speedrun the newbie into an actual drinking problem,” Shoko scolded right away, “you can’t just ask people to talk about something like that, what if it was actually really bad…?”

“I’m not asking because I’m being an ass… for once,” he replied, quick to defend himself as he readjusted the clothes he wore, “I’m asking because I’m interested.”

“I-it’s fine,” you spoke up, feeling just a little shaky but you quickly shrugged it off — you wanted to talk about this, to get an outside perspective but it was difficult, “it started off verbally and then it became something completely different when we all became teens.”

You stared at the now empty glasses and wished for them to be full, but they weren’t, wondering where the glass that Shoko confiscated had gone off to.

As such, you sighed and took a deep breath as you continued.

“I changed schools by then and saw her less and less, so it wasn’t so bad nor frequent after a while, but it still happened, I guess.”

It wasn’t all too long before you were rambling off to the crowd that took you in and listened along, describing exactly what went on in the town up north. To Satoru’s credit, he didn’t mock you when you really got into it and as for the other two, they quietly listened as their eyes glued themselves onto yours. The way that their faces slowly changed ever so subtly as you described more and more of what you went through, the jaws clenching, the clearing throats and darkening stares — had made you at least feel like you weren’t as crazy as you thought.

It actually was that bad.

It felt validating, freeing to an extent albeit in a messed up way.

You described that final year of normal school in excruciating detail. You weren’t really sure whether to blame the parents for forcing their kid to go to the same school as everyone else for exposure or whatever it was or if it was just because she was a vile person from birth.

“Wait seriously, there’s more?” Satoru interrupted you ever so briefly to take a breather, his hands resting on your shoulders out of concern as he looked at you with those striking blue eyes.

“I’m almost done,” you assured.

In his defence, he wasn’t wrong about it being a lot. Maybe it actually was too much. You had so far explained the build up of cruelty that Yui, the said bully in question, had slowly kept adding onto. Things like stealing your school uniform after gym class so you wouldn’t have anything to change back into or taking away your towels after using the school pool, so that you’d be stranded naked in the showers. Things like sneaking laxatives into your food and having unfavourable things happen to you during class as a result and convincing the other kids that you weren’t worthy of kindness, even your own friends.

You were soon onto the more extreme explanations now, so things like pushing you face first into a puddle and walking over you as your nostrils filled with water, tripping you up as you walked regardless, pushing you into the road with cars on the way, the playground incident and the like.

You weren’t really sure why you were hated all that much, but you could at least explain every single thing that happened with such detail as clear as the days they all had happened on.

“How much more?” He asked.

“There’s a final thing she did, but it tops everything,” you said slowly, making sure you could describe it despite being inebriated, “well, two final things.”

You didn’t really want to share the actual details to the night she actually ruined your life. Maybe one day, but not just yet. For now, you’d settle on something else she did, really bad but not as severe.

“Hey, you don’t have to if you don’t want to?” Shoko was quick to say, even if she did lean forward a little to listen better.

“I think I want to? But it’s just I don’t want to make things weird or anything…” you replied, mulling the idea that you already did by sharing so much.

“You’re fine,” Suguru assured, his brief yet telling response somehow easing your concerns.

“It can’t get worse than the swing chain around your neck, can it?” Satoru asked.

“Well, during cooking classes for like, the life skill classes, the teacher stepped out of the room while we were using the hot plates to make… something? Stew I think?” you started to remember.

“Uh-oh,” Satoru immediately understood as everyone else’s expressions seemed to tighten.

“Basically,” you worked your way into it, thinking would it be better to rip the band aid off right away as opposed to letting it drag on for too long, “she pushed me onto the hot plate, not only spilling the contents of the pot but burning a good portion of my arm. She held me down there for a while too as her friends helped.”

The collective silence that brewed at the table was strangely loud. You gulped as gripped at the sleeve of the arm in question. Nobody thankfully asked to see the scar, but you did notice that Suguru kept his eyes pointed at where your fingers fidgeted.

“So uh, that’s the gist of what happened,” you added, feeling suddenly nervous as the collective silence brewed. Nobody said anything for a while which added to your quickly building concern.

“These are the people we’re supposed to protect?” Suguru finally asked, taking his eyes off of your arm at last and breaking the silence.

Nobody replied.

“And then finally there was… one more thing… maybe I shouldn’t say…” you trailed off, the drink from before beginning to hit you all too well as it finally settled. Suddenly you couldn’t remember what you thought just moments ago, the eyes on you suddenly focused and concerned as your vision dizzied a little too much.

It was then that your memory blanked, succumbing to meet the end of the night at last.

At least you didn’t say the final thing, or did you?

***

You woke up much later in a bright and airy room that smelled like a mix of fabric softener and stale booze. The window was cracked open slightly as warm summer air spilled in through mesh netting, soothing your pounding headache.

Your body turned as you slowly woke up, feeling someone else rest beside you. Your heart sank for a moment as you peered under the covers revealing that you were partially undressed, but not quite naked.

What happened last night exactly?

It was then that the person in question turned around in their sleep and you realised that you must have been in Shoko’s room as you were sharing her bed with her. You sighed in relief as you put the two together, understanding that you probably crashed at hers because nobody knows where you live just yet and you probably didn’t do a good job of explaining that last night being as out of it as you were.

You studied her a little as she slept so peacefully beside you, her arms hugging a pillow to her chest. She was also partially dressed down; a spaghetti strap camisole in a marine blue floral design that ruched at her midriff, exposing her waist just a little and a pair of underwear. Her legs were fully entangled in a blanket that piled at the end of the bed so she was quite exposed, but it was also summer and therefore quite stuffy in the bedroom.

You slowly sat up in the bed, cursing internally at your headache. So this was what heavy drinking was like. You wondered just how long it would take before you were going to do this to yourself again.

The feeling was nice at the time.

The aftermath however…

You spotted your clothes in a messy pile at the foot of the bed, but upon picking them up, they smelled quite bad. You held the top to your nose as you investigated the stench, your expression soured; was that vomit?

Shoko stirred a little in her sleep, her hand raising itself and waving to you as she snapped her fingers to catch your attention as she groaned.

“You had a bit too much last night and couldn’t hold it down so you’re out of clothes for the day,” she yawned as her hand now pointed at the dresser opposite the bed, “second drawer down, you can wear anything you find in there.”

You did as she told you, rummaging through the drawer until you found something you could see yourself being comfortable in. You ended up pulling out a collection of oversized t-shirts and sweatpants, choosing the one with the longest sleeves.

“Oh and-“ she croaked again, her voice sounding tired, “there’s a washing machine in the bathroom, feel free to use it and throw in my clothes too if you end up doing so.”

“Alright,” you said as you quietly nodded along, feeling the headache taunt you as you bobbed your head. You gathered your things off of the floor and took a step outside as soon as you were clothed to do just that.

Figuring out the machine was easy but what exactly were you supposed to do now? You didn’t really know what to do in situations like these as they never have happened to you before. You sighed as you felt lost, sitting down at the kitchen table with your elbows resting against the table, your palms pushing against your cheeks.

You stared on and off at the coffee machine wondering if it would ease your pounding headache, hearing somewhere before that it can help, wondering at the same time if you could get away with making some or if it was overstepping some unspoken boundary.

As you were deep in thought, a yawning male voice caught your attention as a half asleep Suguru now emerged from the adjacent bedroom to Shoko’s. You watched in an equally tired state as he pulled his loose hair back into a messy half pony tail as he walked into the main area.

“You’re up earlier than I expected,” he yawned, his voice an octave deeper than it was last night as he walked over to the bathroom, not quite closing the door as he used it.

Was this normal?

You weren’t even going to ask.

“The first time I drank so heavily, I was out for a couple of days at least, but then again it was probably a lot more than you had,” he yawned.

Do you dare reply to someone who was just casually using the bathroom? You quickly sighed, deciding to not make it weird and just replied to him as normal.

“Yeah, I guess I couldn’t sleep,” you replied.

“Fair enough,” he said as he left the bathroom after washing his hands, walking to the kitchenette to grab a couple of slices of bread from the bag on the counter, “you’re free to use her kitchen by the way, just replace things if they’re nearly out.”

You nodded as you stared at the coffee machine, your body begging for a little pick me up.

“However,” he quickly interjected as he glanced at the coffee machine as well, “I do recommend something dry and absorbent, like toast,” he said as tossed you a slice that you barely caught, “coffee will only make your headache worse.”

“Oh,” you replied as you took a bite of the toast, going along with it without really questioning it at all. You did find that you quickly now craved water, though.

“Good morning~!” another voice sung from the room that Suguru was just inside of, your mind automatically recognising it as Satoru’s. He seemed freshly chipper as he strolled causally out of the room, as if the many more drinks he had somehow just passed right through.

Suguru’s eyes widened as he guarded his toast slice, diving for a spot on the nearby sofa that Satoru had his eye on, tearing away a part of the toast as he leaped to claim the spot.

“You ass, I swear t-“ Suguru muttered, eating his remaining scrap in a hurry.

“—So, [name], you got really messed up last night, huh?” Satoru spoke as he patted the empty seat space behind him, encouraging you to take a seat with the two of them but you remained sat at the table instead.

“I-I probably shouldn’t have taken it so far,” you replied as your mind blanked out into the distance, realising that you probably spoke just a little too much about things you shouldn’t have shared yesterday night.

“You’ll get used to it as your tolerance grows.” Suguru said, wiping the crumbs off of his hand and onto Satoru. “Listen to your body with the cravings on recovery days, it’ll help.”

“Do you remember much?” the white haired one asked, retaining a slightly condescending smile that seemed almost deceptively friendly.

Was it all in your head? Or was he actually hiding something?

“Only a little,” you replied, trying to keep it vague, “I talked about the town and I mentioned the bu-“

“—The bully, that’s right,” he said, cutting you off and silencing you just a little. You felt less encouraged to continue talking as a result.

“I went that far, huh,” you sighed, regretting oversharing so much.

“I mean, it’s fine,” Satoru settled down, perhaps noticing your suddenly sunken demeanour, “you don’t have to go back to that place ever again,” he paused, his tone shifting to something that resembled concern, “do you?”

“Only for birthdays and holidays,” you replied a little too soon and then paused, words felt a little more difficult to speak today, “my dad is having his birthday in late June, so I’ll probably have to go there again pretty soon.”

It was the one thing you agreed upon with your parents when leaving the town. Birthdays and holidays as well as keeping them semi updated with texts, just to show you were actually alive.

He seemed to frown at that possibility, his unserious composition breaking away for a moment as his friend also seemed a little uncomfortable. You didn’t remember just how much detail you went, but you could tell that it was far enough based on their reactions.

A short moment later, Shoko emerged from her bedroom at last. She dressed up similarly to you, going straight for the coffee machine anyway as Suguru narrowed his eyes in disapproval.

“Why am I always the last one up?” she half-jokingly complained as she got started on a cup, the machine vibrating against the counter.

“[name] was up first, so it wasn’t me for once.” Suguru said as he leaned back into the sofa further, his legs spreading further out as he pushed Satoru off to the side.

“She probably got snored awake by Shoko-“ Satoru laughed, his eyes bouncing back and forth between you both.

“—Ah, n-no it wasn’t anything like that, just-“ you stammered before you were promptly cut off.

“—I’m joking, I promise,” Satoru assured you, perhaps finally catching on that his personality was a little too much for you to handle so soon, “it’s just that you clung to her all night, so we already know who wins the favourites’ competition.”

“And you’re surprised, why?” Shoko asked as she took a sip from the now full mug.

You zoned out a little as they all talked amongst themselves, once again feeling a little left out but also not quite caring as the headache from the counter was what was on your mind instead.

She did quickly notice this though as she walked up to you as soon as she finished her cup, dragging you to the front door as she threw you a pair of slippers, leading you outside of the apartment and up the stairs.

You were led to what seemed to be a rooftop, giving you an idea of the place she lived in with more clarity; assorted communal pots of growing herbs likely set up by the other residents, along with makeshift greenhouses and benches also occupying the roof. She led you towards the corner of it all, taking a saucer out from beneath a terracotta planter.

The plant that grew in the pot looked suspiciously dead as cigarette butts occupied the soil.

Her hands patted down the hoodie she was wearing before pinching out a cigarette, no, two cigarettes as she propped one of them between her lips, holding the other one out to you.

“I-I don’t really smoke.“ You replied, waving your hands in response but her hand persisted as she slowly drew it towards you, staring you right in the eyes, lighting both hers and your own without a second thought.

“Good, you’re learning to keep up,” she said, eyeing you up and down, “maybe you’ll survive out here after all.”

You weren’t quite sure how to reply as you watched her lean towards the rooftop, her elbows resting along the bricked edge. The clear blue sky and warm sunny glow made the hangover a little easier as the soft breeze flickered against your bare skin.

You inhaled the cigarette slowly, coughing just a little. You weren’t going to smoke again you decided, or at least not unless you had no choice.

“They’re not so bad, I promise, the guys I mean,” Shoko spoke after a while as her head dipped below her shoulders, “we’ve all been through a lot too, but they just don’t really know how to react to you just yet and you’re not the easiest person to read.”

You stayed silent again, unsure if this was meant to be an insult or not. You bitterly inhaled the cigarette instead.

“Not meaning to drag you down or anything, if you think that’s where I'm going with it,” she continued, noticing your reaction, “it’s just been a while since we’ve had a new addition to the group and we’re all so used to losing people, so it’s a way to keep our guard up, if anything.”

“Oh, yeah, I think I get it,” you nodded along as you listened in. It was nice to talk to someone your own age regardless and maybe she was what you needed to finally grow up. Someone who wasn’t afraid to tell you the harsh truth when you needed to hear it.

“Mhm,” she hummed as she took a deep inhale and then exhaled a puff of smoke, “Satoru acts the way that he does because he never got a carefree childhood while being told that he’s the strongest. Suguru is reserved for his own reasons but he’s good to the people that he cares about.”

“And you?” you asked.

“Me…” she laughed, pushing the cigarette butt into the saucer, “…ah, good question,” she sighed as she searched for a suitable response, “I’m not really sure, I guess I’m just neutral, I care about the people I keep close but I try to let them figure it out by themselves if it’s something too personal.”

“I guess I haven’t figured out what I am yet,” you admitted, “I’m bad at wording most of the things I do but I am trying to change that.”

“Yeah?” she asked, yawning a little,” I’m sure it’ll get easier as you find your way, we’ll get along regardless.”

“You really think?”

“I mean, I won’t be around much after the summer break but it’ll be nice to know that there’s someone I can get along with for the time I have off,” she replied as she walked back to the roof entry, “but just try to relax and let everything else happen naturally, yeah?”

It took you a while before you headed back as well, trying to remember what floor and what door number her flat was on.

Maybe you should have followed immediately?

Or at least asked.

30 B was it?

You took a deep breath and chanced it, passing by Suguru on the way back inside. He had an unlit cigarette poking out of his mouth.

You both passed through the doorway and squeezed uncomfortably close by each other, neither quite using common sense as you brushed each other by.

For a brief moment it looked like he wanted to say something, but by then you were already halfway down the stairs so he had no choice but to just keep quiet.

But maybe next time?

He was curious about you, after all.

[ch0wen]

Cover - Part III | Tangerine x Fem!Reader | 18+

warnings: smut mentioned, (minors dni), cursing, & violence

to catch up - Cover - parts one & two

———-

Tangerine's large hands wrapped around the diner's ceramic mug full of his muddled-grey tea. Warming himself while also trying to still his shakiness. He was having a tough time attempting to conceal his nerves. He avoided eye contact to retroactively stall the dreaded discussion.

“So,” you started, “Tangerine and Lemon. Fruits. Why choose from that category?”

Across from you, the man looked physically and mentally relieved that you hadn't leaped right into the hard questions. A smile wriggled under his mustache,

"When we were younger, Lem and I loved to watch American cinema. We would get inspired by a lot of ���em. We played the games they did, tried out the sports, and picked up similar traditions.

One day, during a rare, hot English summer, I suggested starting a lemonade stand. My brother reacted with, ‘lemons are too tart! No one even likes sour drinks. I don't want to sell rotten lemons,' and I would remind him that you can turn a sour lemon into a sweet delight with a little bit of sugar. Shit, you should've seen his face when I ended up persuading him and he tried our first attempt at a batch. We got the measurements so wrong!”

His eyes shone as he spoke. He seemed to have been slowly opening up. Laughing into his hand and playing it off as a scratch to his face before dropping it to the table's surface. He was earnest as he told of his boyhood. Intriguing you with his storytelling, and leaning toward him as he continued on.

"Anyway. He would tell me that I'm like the sugar. That I make things better. But frankly, I can be a rotten arsehole to him. And by now, maybe he has forgotten about those silly childhood praises, but I never did. Those were the times, especially at the beginning of our career, when he made me feel wanted. He's good at that. He doesn't even require me to be the sugar in our brotherhood. He's naturally a genuinely good man.

I do need to tell myself I am useful, and deep down, I may not believe that to be all true. But he reminds me. He’s good at making people feel understood and cared for. He is true to his codename. He's a lemon, and everybody loves ‘em.”

Absentmindedly, you played with his finger twitching on the sticky table. He curled his hand properly around yours to hold.

———-

The hours passed and the diner went through waves of people. Coming and going, in and out, like clouds in unsettled coffee. Breakfast rush, stillness, then lunch chaos. To the both of you, the other was the focal point. Everything else just felt like a static buzz.

“I can't help but notice that you haven't asked the question. Basically the entire point of this morning."

"I didn't want to force it out," you finger at the sugar packets, like skimming a mini record collection. Attempting to downplay your interest. “I wanted us to get there without having to press it.”

A grateful hum of, “You are a peach," transitioned into a sigh, "but I suppose you deserve to know that I am a contracted assassin."

———-

It was only half past two in the afternoon when you both emerged from the diner. You made sure to avoid the eyes in the queue of the waiting patrons. The large tip, Tangerine thought he dropped into the checkbook unseen, should at least ease the hostess's agitation about your prolonged stay. You stand facing each other on the bustling city sidewalk.

The silence felt heavy after hours-long conversations. You studied each other. Your chance to fully take him in, in a different perspective, a new light. You were wary of how to leave this after the time you just spent together. The things he depicted. The part of himself that he had fanned out. He seemed to have bore it all. How do you grapple with that while having to part ways?

Tangerine didn’t keep you speculating. His handsome face sported a pleasant smile as he stepped forward to hug you. The embrace lasted only a moment, but it felt that he didn’t want to let go -

Like he was trying to hold you still. Keeping all those secrets that he poured out over the cooling cups of coffee between the two of you. Pressing them in close and sealing them behind tight lips. To him, when you walk out of his sight, you’ll take his story with you. The moment that he lets you go, the truth gets out. Exposed are all the mysteries on the inside and his safety. The scary reality is that he potentially jeopardized his and his brother’s lives to answer your curiosity.

Except, that was just your mind racing again. Tangerine's hug lasted for a minute and in a beat, he was pulling his shoulders back to look down at your face. And then he pulled you in for a kiss, the breath-stealing and tangling your hand in his hair, kind.

———-

The date with Tangerine was like an omen that you wouldn't be able to get the pair of assassins out of your life. Every day, something happened that would remind you of them. One of your little students would ask for a bandaid. You'd hear a song that played in the diner or a familiar theme song that Lemon definitely was humming. You’d find yourself grinning.

Little reminders would pop up here and there. Until one-half of the duo started turning up here and there when you’d least expect or anticipate it. It was a gradually natural formation of a budding friendship with Lemon and an eventual relationship between you and Tangerine.

Your romance with the latter was like any 2000s Rom. Com. daydream, except for the consistent reminders that you were dating a killer ——

Your boyfriend would show up unannounced with fresh flowers and a splat of blood on his neck peeking out from under his collar.

Written-out jokes from Lemon were handed over with a roll of his eyes but the ghost of a smile on his lips. Signaling that he has already heard the ridiculous gag that his brother came up with.

He’d be up early and missing in action during the day, but made up for it by staying late on date nights.

He always found time to call you between the sporadic periods of action while on the job. Just hoping to chat about your day so far or what he wanted to do to you later. Your mind runs with what exact situations he was calling in the middle of, whenever he was out of breath or your conversations were cut short with crashes and shouts.

You could sense when he exerted too much energy after those particularly long workdays. He tended to be quieter, or his body weight pressed impossibly closer on top of yours as his cock pushed in deep, or when Lemon would physically need to drag him into your apartment and throw him onto the couch.

Regardless of his fatigue, once you got each other going - either by massaging his sore neck, his rough thumbs grazing over your exposed thighs, or knee rubbing against his bulge as you bandage up a cut - He basically reverted back into stealth mode. Targeting his focus on only you. It felt like he existed to get you off. Wanting you to come on either his mouth, fingers, or pounding dick. He may have been exhausted but he wouldn't lose stamina until you were finished.

Nine times out of ten, whether after a hotel rendezvous or candle-lit dinner over a pack of instant potatoes and Kraft Mac and cheese, you’d find yourselves snuggled up in bed. You were always left stated after a good fuck from Tangerine. Hands, tongues, and whispers danced in the shared tranquility of your space. You were making special memories with the limited time you found with him.

———-

It went on like this for years. Each day felt like you peeled away another layer of a fruit's skin. Discovering a new trait or trick of your boyfriend's. You anticipated something exciting when he flung open the apartment door or your bedroom window. He never ceased to thrill and fulfill your every need.

And that one Tuesday in Spring was no different. He strode up to your car after class let out, seizing your waist from behind. A spin to your hips in his grasp had him close enough to breathe into your ear,

"Fly out to France with me, yeah?"

———-

[be-my-ally]

Autumn Leaves Falling Down

(Like Pieces into Place)

I've inserted the sneak peak/1st part from last week into this to make it easier to locate and read, so if the first 1k reads as familiar that's why.

summary: it's autumn 1972, and Elvis' girl on the side, Laura (from All Revved Up), who is no longer the girl on the side -- has come to stay at Graceland. There's the Memphian, an attempt at a trip to the morgue, and Elvis in a sweater - oh, and smut.

wc: 7.6k

warnings: 18+, kissing, making out at the cinema, there's an argument with Red that results in a gun being drawn but doesn't go off, mentions of dead bodies, p in v sex. this could probably do with a ton of editing but i am fundamentally lazy.

the memphian scenes are totally inspired by @whositmcwhatsit’s The Gate Girl — I've avoided rereading the past couple of weeks to try and forget it but i’ve read it upwards of 55 times and i think i’ve absorbed it all into my brain as fact - and really, she does it much better than me so everyone (if you haven't) pls go and check it out.

October 19th 1972 Graceland.

It’s quiet as Laura pads down the stairs, suspicious of the silence in the house - hoping that Elvis hadn’t actually up and left her on her own. She hadn’t bothered to get dressed, hoping to find him quickly and work out what she should wear today, and besides, it was early - knowing him they’d end up back in bed soon. But she hadn’t really anticipated having to go all the way downstairs before she could call to him. She wraps her arm around herself as she looks around, it’s the first time she’s been cold at Graceland, really she’s only been there a handful of times anyway - and last year in the colder months he’d had her over in Palm Springs. Sure, he kept his room at a frankly ridiculous temperature but under the warmth of his heavy comforter and arm she barely felt it. Now though it feels as though there’s a cool breeze running through the house. The late summer having certainly given way to autumn, bronzed leaves starting to fall off the trees.

Elvis is nowhere to be found as she peeks around doorways and arches, and she wonders if she should give up and just wait for him to show up in the bedroom - but she’s sure he’d have woken her up if he was leaving, so he must be around here somewhere. She’s grateful there’s carpet in the kitchen for her bare toes when she creeps around the corner, the breeze suddenly stronger. The mystery is quickly solved; the door to the hallway flapping from the exterior door being left open. Laura huffs as she slams them shut, but it does at least explain where they’ve all gone (and why it was so breezy in the house). She looks down at herself, considering if she was prepared to venture out, but it’s just this side of too cold, and besides she’s pretty sure Elvis would flip out at her parading outside in just her silk robe. She heads down to the den, intending on just getting a little glimpse before going to get changed.

She quickly spots some of the guys, as she peeks out of the glass, but they’re all just a little too far to the side for her to see everyone. She leans against the windowsill to help her stretch to peer as far as she can out, tiptoes rubbing into the plush green carpet. A football comes flying and Joe comes running past, red-faced and struggling to breathe in an attempt to catch it. She can’t help but giggle watching him as the collection of men come trotting around the corner to join him. Elvis at the end of the group, looking pleased with what had clearly been his throw. Laura leans as close as possible to the window, ducking her head under the little curtain, appreciating the look of him having fun. He’s practically bouncing around outside, dressed casually in a way she hasn’t really seen before - his velour zip-up looking particularly cosy. He’s a little thicker than he was in the height of the summer and in Laura’s opinion it looks good on him; she’s a fan of how he’s styling his hair at the moment too - the slightly longer shaggy length of it that seems to look like he’s either just combed it into a gentle swoop or like he’s been rolling around on it. Both looks make her tummy flip if she looks at them for too long. He’s foregone his tinted glasses, whether because it was overcast and therefore the light manageable to his eyes, or simply from fear of the football being thrown Laura didn’t know. She could, however, just from looking at the set of his shoulders tell that for once he seemed untroubled. As calm as he could ever be, his carefree attitude was evident even from a distance. He spots her at the window after a couple more passes, his face lighting up as he jogged over to the window.

Even though Laura was watching him she still startles when he taps the glass, through the decorative metal, grinning at her. She beams back - thrilled at his happy face.

“How’d’you sleep honey?” He shouts at her, muffled but still audible, she giggles in response - shaking her head at his antics. She’s pretty sure she’s somehow alone in the house, but she wasn’t about to start shouting through a window at him. He folds his arms, leaning back to look her up and down, frowning suddenly and insistently tapping the glass again in mock outrage.

“Get dressed!” Laura shakes her head again, teasing him and watches as he signals something to the boys who all jog off to one side. She’s too distracted by all the movement to notice Elvis himself disappearing, until the door slams open. She stumbles, caught in the drape when she attempts to whirl herself around - but before she can right herself there’s an arm suddenly wrapping around her middle, holding her tight and close. Despite the plush velour rubbing against her back, she can feel the chill on him; they must have been out there playing for a while already.

“Jesus Elvis! You’re freezing!” He shakes his head, laughing and shoving his cold nose into the crook of her neck, “Elvis!” She tries to dance and wriggle out of his hold, but he has a surprisingly tight grip onto her.

“Not my fault Lor! Y’gotta get dressed, honey, catch yer death runnin’ round like this!” He tugs her away from the window, bundling them towards the middle of the room.

“Didn’t need - didn’t need to before.” His hands brush up her sides and she squirms as he tickles her. “‘Fore someone kept shoving their nose places it didn’t be-” Laura yelps when his nose makes another appearance, now with accompanying snuffle-snorting noises. “-long!”

“Oh yes you do. Can’t have you like this -” Elvis holds her with one arm, the other hand trailing down to brush across her bare thigh, large hand parting her robe and pushing up her nightgown. Laura involuntarily clenches her thighs and immediately feels his huff of laughter as he feels it. His voice lowering as he leans closer to her ear, the gentle vibration sending goose-pimples across her skin. “Not like this.” He flicks at the hem, now high enough to send a gust of air across the crease of her upper thigh, just the threat of exposure enough to make her gasp.

He smooths the fabric back down, mock outrage back in his voice; “Anyone could see you!” As if he wasn’t the one exposing her. He prods his long fingers into her tummy, making her crunch in an attempt to squirm away from his tickling, giggling the whole time.

“No, no!” She shrieks, “No more! I give!” He stills his hands and between gulps of air she tells him, “I’ll get dressed! I give.”

“Y’better!” he growls against her ear, squeezing her tight to his torso for a long second before releasing her with a grunt. Self-satisfied smile on his face when he pulls her around to face him, her own rosy cheeks matching his. He flicks at the hem of her nightgown again, shaking his head at her.

“Go on then.” He turns her to the stairs, slapping her behind as she stumbles calling out to her as she heads up the stairs and back up to his bedroom “Hurry! Want you to be my little cheerleader out there!”

So, Laura hurries. She gets ready as quickly as possible; dabbing on a little makeup and brushing her hair. She’s casually dressed when she heads back down towards the back door - jeans and a ribbed rollneck, fully expecting to change again later in the day. She grabs one of Elvis’ coats out of the coat closet on the way, wrapping herself in the thick fabric and liking how it fell past her knees - she’d really not been prepared for this early fall chill, having brought with her light jackets and layers instead of anything with a focus on warmth. Elvis grins over at her, pretending to throw the ball at her when she finally exits the house, and she giggles back at him, standing to the side of their playing space,

“Gimme a E!” She shouts at him, and he roars with laughter, shaking his head as he loudly tells the boys;

“Oh, you’re in for it now! Got my little good luck charm out here, haven’t I? Where’s all your missus’ huh?” Jokingly shoving and jostling as they come in closer. The game continues - seemingly some sort of bastardised version of football wherein it was every man for himself, and Laura contented herself with watching from the sidelines, every now and again giving Elvis an encouraging cheer at what she hoped was a particularly decent run or pass. It was growing a little boring watching by herself and she wondered where all the other wives and girlfriends were, if they’d had other plans or turned down an invitation to watch - or, as she hoped (despite her boredom) if she’d been specially invited out to the boys-only impromptu game. But Elvis looked happy, practically beaming at her every time he ran close by and so she was more than happy to burrow into the lapels and collar of the large overcoat, enveloping herself in his scent while she watched on. It’s only about ten minutes later that he runs past and pauses, hands outstretched,

“Aw, Lor, baby, I’m all chilled to my booones, you gotta warm me up ‘fore I freeze!” He tries to shove his cold hands up her sweater and she shrieks, dashing away from him -

“Oh no you don’t!” He pouts, arms crossed, and she shakes her head, “Not gonna work this time mister, you’ve got icicles for hands, and you can keep them to yourself!” Elvis huff in a faux put upon manner, and calls the boys in;

“C’mon guys, I’m gettin’ bored of kickin’ all your asses… and ‘m hungry - let’s go have somethin’ to eat and warm up a bit.” Laura goes where he nods towards the house, slowing to let him catch up with her and letting him curl his cold hands onto her warm stomach from behind as they walked in together.

Hours later, after the afternoon light had turned to darkness and they’d spent the day fooling around in the house - if she didn’t know better she’d be wondering where all their energy was still coming from - Elvis was again calling for her to get dressed so they could leave for the Memphian.

“Maybe you wanna get changed sweetheart? You know, into, uh, just something, you know, honey, just, just a bit more, uh, flattering…” He’d followed her up the stairs, and she found it hard to be annoyed at his disparaging comment towards her jeans when he’d playfully chased her into the bedroom. Laura shrieked and danced out of his hands, screeching when he got close enough to dig his fingers into the sensitive flesh just above her knee. She careened through the door and they both fell together once he tackled her when she was close enough to the bed.

They ended up rolling around on the bed for a moment, both laughing. She allows him to pepper her face with kisses, rolling on top of him to return the favour. He clings to her, unwilling to let her wiggle off of him even when she tries to lean back fearing she was squishing him. “Elvis, you’ve got to let me get offa you; I bet you can hardly breathe under me!” He rolls his eyes, flexing his forearms as he squeezed her even tighter to him,

“Can’t breathe! I’ll show you can’t breathe.” She can practically feel her ribs cracking and she yelps,

“Elvis!” Elvis laughs, releasing her, making Laura relax on top of him, sinking against his body. She leans back to observe his face, running a gentle hand over his cheek, stroking the side of his intense eyes and trailing it down to trace his plush lips. He playfully nips at her finger, growling and she blushes at how the noise immediately sent her tummy into somersaults. She feels herself tingle at the sensation of his breath on her now damp finger, and her eyes slip closed for a long second. When they reopen he’s staring at her, mouth slightly open, eyes lidded and she no longer cares about being on top of him, his hands sliding down her sides to hold her as she bucks her hips, manoeuvring her to slip her legs on either side of one of his. She grinds down, tangling her fingertips into his sideburns as she captures his mouth again. It’s delicate for one short moment before they both seem to sense an urgency in the situation and she suddenly feels like she’s a willing victim being devoured, his tongue and teeth everywhere all at once. She pulls back to catch her breath, and he chases her lips even then, kissing the side of her mouth until she recaptures his. He ruts up against her once, twice, before stilling and rolling her to the side - Laura lays there panting,

“El, what’s? what’s wrong?” She pauses, she doesn’t want to embarrass him but she can’t help but ask, “Did you - did you, uh, finish?” Elvis smiles a little bashfully, eyes crinkling at the sides as he shakes his head,

“No, no, honey, no just, just gonna save myself - be better later if we just wait; I’ve got plans for you this evening, jus - just lemme hold off for the mo.’” She nods, it makes sense, even if she impatiently wanted him now - and she whispers as much against his jaw.

“Want you all the time, want you in the morning, in the evening in the - god, Elvis, I just - I want to be here all the time, want you right now.” He rolls them so he’s leaning over her, caging her in with his arms and wrapping one of his legs between hers.

“You got me darling, you got me - we just, I want to make it special, tonight - just, just cool it baby yeah? Gotta,” He leans forward into her to kiss her, pressing his mouth hard against hers, tongue licking into her long and slow, before pulling back, breathing heavily again. Elvis reluctantly stood up. “Gotta get ready now. Get ourselves looking uh, presentable.” He cracks his back, stretching his arms and Laura feels abruptly cold at the loss of his warm body heat, panting as her heartbeat slows and the throbbing between her legs cools to a faintly warm glow.

—------------

Laura stares at her hair in the mirror, pinning half of it up, brushing through the rest gently, trying not to lose too much of the volume from the day. Her mousy roots are showing from where she dyes it near-black and she absentmindedly makes a mental note to ask if Elvis knows where she can get some dye, or if there’s time for her to go to the hairdressers. He’d already left for downstairs, having gotten changed unusually faster than she had and left the bedroom long before she was done in the bathroom, telling her,

“Take your time, baby, ain’t going nowhere without you.” She’d blushed at her own reflection at her reaction to his words - it had clearly been a throwaway sentence for him, not something she should take to heart and yet she couldn’t resist it. It was too much, too soon, too close to everything she wanted that she could practically feel it fluttering around her head, feeling herself locking it away tight in her chest. It had been on the edge of every interaction with him the past couple of years, the knowing that she was kept around for a reason, and that she kept coming back for a reason. She’d never been much of a fan of the men in Vegas; they were all too lecherous and desperate – even those that weren’t there to partake in all the sins and pleasures. The few dates she’d been on with guys she’d met while working out there had ended fast, and often slightly uncomfortably. Elvis wasn’t like that though. She’d thought he might be, expected he would be - had rolled her eyes at herself when her stomach flipped at his fingers calling her over. Had lain in bed telling herself it was just her stupid crush from years ago rearing its ugly head, making her see things that weren’t there. She wouldn’t ever even see him again, and don’t be stupid Laura, he probably wasn’t all that nice anyway. Besides, he has a wife and she knew enough not to get involved.

But somehow, her feelings and heart ruled over her sense and before she knew it her life revolved around him in a not unwanted way. She’d not had to worry as much about the men in Vegas then, they could behave how they wished — her dating life that had previously been slim was pared down even more, too anxious that she might be out when Elvis would choose to call and she’d miss him or have to explain where she was. It meant dates were few and far between, but as much as she thought herself a terrible idiot - she couldn’t bear to let anything get far enough that she might have to turn Elvis down.

She shakes her head at the reminiscence, it's been years since that first encounter during one of his early residencies. She’s getting too emotional about it now she’s allowed to be here, tangled in the domesticity of Graceland life, allowed to be photographed, and publicised. She just needs to stay in the moment, worry about how her feelings are getting involved when she gets home - she’s only here for a month, she should just make the most of it. She finishes getting ready quicker with that in mind, rushing through her make-up, a voice in her head telling her not to stupidly waste time. Before long she had her mini dress on and shoes quickly buckled before she headed down the stairs.

Laura had seen photos of Elvis when he was younger, knew that he wasn’t opposed to knits, it just wasn’t something she’d yet had the good fortune of witnessing. But there he was, sat on the couch in the music room, waiting for her and everyone else to be ready. Open V neck knitted sweater with a little collar. She stilled in the hallway, reluctant to break his silence. He’s just sat there with his thighs spread and his legs stretched out, arms across the back of the sofa, his eyes closed and head tipped back. She must make a noise, or something, because he suddenly jolts his head up to look over at her. They make eye-contact and she freezes even more still, trapped in his intense gaze. He looks well, like she wanted to climb into him and never crawl out, cuddly and soft and yet thick and masculine. Laura swallowed, her hands shaking a little, as he pats his thigh. How ridiculous that something as little as that could make someone so nervous - she’s just about to take a step towards him, ready to curl into the plush fuzzy softness of his sweater and tangle her fingers in the similarly plush fuzzy softness of his chest hair when there’s a sudden ruckus from seemingly all sides as all the other men and woman, ready for a night out, suddenly appear. Laura mourns the loss of her cuddle, but Elvis’ hand in hers as he effectively shows her off on their way out makes up for it a little.

The step out into the late evening air was even chillier than the day, Laura shivered in her thin jacket - it was downright unseasonable for Tennessee in October to be this cold and she wishes for the second time that day that she’d thought to bring a heavier coat, but then the heavy thump of Elvis’ arm comes down around her shoulder, enveloping her in him. She finds she doesn’t mind the cold so much then, able to enjoy the scent of the wet, crisp fall air and how it just feels different to the summer within the warmth of his grasp.

They’d filtered into the Memphian and Elvis immediately grasped her wrist, pulling Laura with him. He ignored the hustle of the others to head straight up the stairs to the balcony, she goes where he leads - he’d taken her to the Crosstown the last time she’d been in Memphis, so she didn’t really have much choice; not knowing where he was going beyond the ‘balcony’ sign on the door. The door slams behind her, and she jumps at its loud echo in the empty movie theatre.

“I didn’t wanna ‘embarrass you ‘round the guys, I just, uh, want you all to myself.” He pauses while he shuffles down the aisle, “Figured this way,” He settled himself into a chair one row back, in the very centre, “this way you can - “

Elvis suddenly realises she hasn’t followed him down the aisle and laughs, “C’mon, darling, what’chyu standing out there for?” Laura hurries down to him, and he clasps her hand as she gets herself comfortable in the seat next to his, bringing it to his lips. She blushes at the feeling - it was so startlingly romantic that she can’t think of what to say, her heart beating like a hummingbird’s. He settles back into his chair, dropping her hand to stretch his arm across the back of her chair. A couple of the others come thundering up the stairs, laughing and joking, but they go silent when coming through the doors, taking seats right along the back wall - Laura’s head turns to see who it was but Elvis’ hand from her chair blocks its path, two fingers pressed against her cheek as he cups her face - keeping her looking directly at him.

“Don’ worry about them - they won’t bother us none.” She nods, unable to stop herself leaning her head further into his hand — he smiles softly - cheeks crinkling into his eyes. His hand falls to stroke at her shoulder,

“There we are. Now, what was I saying?” He pauses, “Oh, yeah, if - this way if y’get scared I can cuddle ya.” He pauses, “You’re alright with a…. uh…. slasher flick aren’t ya?” He prods her far shoulder.

She nodded enthusiastically, although her head was ringing alarm bells - she wasn’t normally a huge fan of any kind of horror. She lived alone - life was scary enough without worrying about x hiding behind her doors at night.

But any reservations Laura had were quickly lost when after the title card came across the screen accompanied by some ominous instrumentals Elvis’ hand came creeping across to her thigh,

“You scared?” She shakes her head.

“Course not.” He nods, although his smirk suggests he’s unconvinced,

“Good, but just so you know - ‘m packing…. I could protect you from anything. ‘Specially a man.” He’s looking at her almost too seriously, and she feels trapped under his intense gaze, all she can do is nod.

“Of course - I know, I know you would.” He stares a second longer, before leaning back into his chair, and he indicates with his head the unoccupied seat next to him.

“Besides, if you’re just scared, I got my big ol’ flashlight with me too.” She nods again, not quite knowing what to say in reply - she can tell he’s waiting for her to speak though so all that spills out of her mouth is,

“That’s-that’s the police one, right?”

“Mmhmm… got it direct offa the sheriff.” She turns to say something else, but the opening scene starts to play and he shushes her, pulling his hand off her thigh, enrapt in the movie.

Clearly, it fails in holding his attention for very long. Mere minutes later he leans over, sighing, not bothering to try and keep quiet. She squeaks in surprise as his hands grip hold of her arms - tugging her, she scrabbles over the arm of the chair to go where he’s pulling her — arranging her to be sat on his lap. She looks around, suddenly coming to the realisation that at some point he must have shooed away everyone else from the balcony. He tuts, a finger going to her mouth in a keep quiet gesture when she opens it to speak, pointing at the screen as if telling her to keep watching. Laura does, but she’s lost track of whatever was going on and can’t find it in herself to care when she feels one of his hands curl around to creep gently up her uncovered thigh, the other gripping tight on her side, just below her breast. He teases her like that for a few minutes, although Laura’s lost all sense of time, too focussed on the tickle of his fingers and breath on her neck. She can’t take it anymore, turning to throw an arm around his neck, shifting on his lap to draw him into a kiss. Elvis pulls her tighter, fingers tensing, and she moans into him.

He tugs Laura’s leg a little, pulling her to be straddling his lap. She’s embarrassed almost, or would be if there were anyone around, to be sat on his knee like this, rocking against him and necking him like a goddamn teenager. She’s not done this since college, and he feels so different. He’s got solid thighs and sure hands, manoeuvring her and masterfully keeping his lips on hers - just the right amount of pressure, of tongue, and nibbling bites.

Elvis’ fingers slide up her skirt, toying with the fabric of her slip while his other comes around to palm at her like a teenager himself, hand roving over her breast. She gasps into him, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his jaw as she grinds against him. He seems to gain confidence at her reaction, moving to push the wide strap of her dress off her shoulder, tugging it low enough to reach the soft cotton of her bra. His fiddles with her nipples, pinching one just the tiniest bit between his fingers and Laura’s eyes roll back in pleasure. He bumps her panties with the other, but goes no further, moving to grip her back in an attempt to keep her balance on his legs.

She pants, uncaring now if she’s louder than the actors, gasping as he pulls away. She’s never been gladder he’s wearing a v-neck when she rocks against his thigh, leaning forward to suck a bruise against his collarbone. His hips dislodge her accidentally when the pressure gets too much and he bucks up, jerking her away. Laura’s fingers tangle into the fabric on his shoulders, her nails making little divots in the knit; he was going to have to have someone steam this sweater to get it straight again. He’s breathing rapidly against her cheek, hot breath tickling her nose,

“‘s no good baby, I got - I got plans for you tonight.” Laura grinds against him, unabashed at her wanton display.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah baby, wanna,” His thumb rubs a circle on her hip as he slows his own jerking pelvis. “Wanna show you something. Something a lil’ spooky” Laura grins back at him, hand slipping down between them -

“Oh yeah, you got something you want to show me?” She attempts a particularly awful Transylvanian accent, “Something spooky you wanna show me?” She brushes her hand over the not insignificant bulge of his trousers, the outline of his cock clearly displaying he’d forgone underwear. He moans, eyes closing for a moment before he shakes his head, clasping her wrist and tugging her hand away.

“No, no baby, honey, I got, ah, lord, got something serious I wanna show you.” Laura pauses from her playful wriggling, curious.

“Oh yeah?”

“Uh-huh Lor, but, uh, let it be a surprise.” He pulls up her strap, patting her shoulder.

“A surprise?” She’s unsure now that he’s not joking about sex.

“You trust me, don’t you?” He’s looking at her so earnestly, lip caught in his teeth that she couldn’t dream of refusing him.

“Of course!” He pushes her off his lap, brushing himself off and straightening her collar when he joins her in standing up,

“Well then darlin’ let’s go.” He holds out a hand and seems to take a mischievous glee in practically running away; leaving the boys downstairs none the wiser to their disappearance. He opens the car door for her with an exaggerated wave and bow before trotting around the front to climb in himself.

They pull up to the nearby funeral home and Elvis starts to climb out of the car but Laura stays frozen where she’s sat, more uncertain than ever. “El I’m not sure about this,” He cuts her off,

“Nah baby, trust…you said you trusted me.” He leans down to peer through the door at her, “Don’t go lying to me now, doll, Cilla liked it - she told me herself it was uh, enlightening!” He’s tripping over his words in his haste to convince her. He’d mentioned his trips to the morgue before - endlessly fascinated with the spiritual and scientific notion of the still bodies. But Laura’s conflicted - she can’t help but feel it’s fundamentally disrespectful to stand there gawking at some poor person’s body but, on the other hand, the reverent way he spoke about the trips and his persistent aura of peace means that she can’t help but feel that it’s ok. As long as she’s with him. She nods, climbing out to follow him. He once again takes her hand, and the unease builds again the closer they get to the door - she was concerned before with the morality of going in there but now it’s her squeamish nature that’s starting to make her tummy hurt.

“C’mon hon, it’ll be good for you.”

“If you say so -“ She mutters back. He raps on the door that was now in front of them. There are no lights on, and she shakes her head,

“Elvis - I don’t think there’s anyone in there, they’re closed.” He tilts his head, frowning, as if confused that a door might remain shut to him before insistently knocking again.

“I got, got special permission, Laura, they - they can’t just lock us out. Hello?” He bangs on the window to the side of the door, he huffs, turning away when there’s a sudden loud crash from inside. Both him and Laura jump at the noise, both whirling back - Elvis jogs down the path, standing back to be able to see all the windows but still no light turns on to indicate anyone inside. He marches back up to the door, raising his arm to pound on it again but Laura catches his forearm, tugging it back to her;

“C’mon El - we’ll come back another night. I’m - I’m scared now, and maybe if they know we’re coming they’ll have the lights on…” He looks down at her, gaze softening at the way she’s quivering a tiny bit - a combination of the anticipatory fear, her jumpiness, and the cold.

“Goddamnit.” He swears, “Well, guess we’ll have to come back another night.” He makes it sound like his idea and accompanies it with a shake of his head. Laura had fully expected him to be more annoyed - and he is, somewhat, ranting the whole way back to Graceland; but thankfully less at the funeral home and his inability to sneak in and more at the movie they’d left. Blaming it for his rash idea to come here with no planning involved.

Most of the cars were already back and parked along the driveway when they got there; either the movie had finished and they’d all left before they started another, or more likely - they’d noticed Elvis’ disappearance and abandoned the movie all together. Red shook his head at Elvis as they walked in,

“Man - don’t you go looking at me like that.” Red baulks at the suggestion,

“I wasn’t Boss, wasn’t looking at you like anything, swear it -” Laura tactfully takes a step back, removing her jacket and taking Elvis’ coat in an attempt to remove herself from the conversation. She goes to the kitchen in the hope of finding someone to hand them off to, before taking a second to collect herself to be, hopefully, a calming influence on the raised voices she could now hear. She slinks back into the hallway,

“I can go where I goddamn like - you sayin’ I can’t protect myself?” Elvis’ waving his pistol in the air like he’s in a western, and Laura bites her lip to stop from giggling. Red’s backtracking now, his hands up as if warding Elvis off,

“Of course, I wasn’t - I wasn’t suggesting that I’m jus’ - just sayin’ you disappeared is all and what with the threats -”

“You hear about anybody threatenin’ me at home?” Elvis roars back, his finger inching ever so slightly to the trigger; Laura panics desperate for them to not get into this now - God forbid there had been a threat made, they’d all be up for hours while they reassessed the security. Red shakes his head,

“Well, no - but people move about, EP, they don’t just stay in one-” Laura takes her chance and steps in, lightly touching Elvis’ arm,

“Baby, I’m tired.” Elvis does a double take at her, completely ignoring Red still talking. “Can we go to bed please?” She blinks owlishly at him to convince him to leave it be, and Elvis seemed to relax, his tense shoulders coming down as he lowers his arm with the gun in hand. There’s a long pause,

“Sure, sure, doll, sure.” He gestures for her to go ahead, pausing at the bottom of the stairs, “Get him the fuck out of my house, I’ll talk to y’all tomorrow.” Elvis ignores Red’s reply, climbing the stairs himself. He shushes Laura when they reach his bedroom, fiddling with the security camera feed until he watches Red leave. He sighs, heavily, and shakes his whole body out, “Awh, baby, I didn’t - didn’t need to get all worked up like that, just - those assholes just don’t understand what it’s like to be me. I can’t be all, all, all cooped up like this all the time.” He whines, gesturing expressively as he talks.

“It’s ok.” She shrugs, running her manicured hands gently up his arm, “They can be pretty overbearing huh?” She presses her chin into the crook of his shoulder as he sighs, kneading his biceps. He sighs back at her,

“I know he’s just doin’ his job, but…” He trails off, taking another deep breath, “Anyway, enough of that now. I want to get back to the night - all m’plans were ruined tonight - you deserve well, you deserve the perfect night.” He turns in her arms, and Laura frowns up at him,

“Why don’t you let me worry about that. I’m fine, I’ve had a great night; such a shame about not being let into the morgue…. How about you let me take care of you?” He shakes his head,

“Naw, naw darlin’ I want to -” He cups her face in his hands, the size of his palms dwarfing her cheeks, “want to show you how much I like having you here.” Elvis tips her head up, bending over a little to reach her lips even as she’s stood on her tiptoes.

She’s enrapt in the moment, not really even conscious of his hands fiddling with her zipper on her back until she suddenly feels his fingertips on her bare skin, chasing the zip all the way down until it's falling off her on its own. His hand comes up to clasp her face to his when she moves as if to pull away, using his free hand to shove her dress to pool at her feet. He pulls back with a tug on her bottom lip, and Laura surges forward to hurriedly tug at his sweater - he takes the hint, pulling it over his head and Laura turns her attention to his trousers. He rushes to unhook her bra, even as he stumbles out of his pants, and it's only a few seconds later before her panties join her dress on the floor.

“C’mon now, honey, s’ok, just - just wanna love on you some,” He pulls on her wrist again, smiling almost shyly down at her naked form. Gently lowering her on top of the covers, he kisses her neck, gentle presses of his lips - every few seconds sucking down with a little more pressure in one spot, before moving to the next. He moves down Laura’s chest, one hand on her waist keeping her still, the other joining his mouth. He kisses across her breasts — capturing her nipple in his mouth, he wets it with his saliva, pulling back to blow his breath across it, Laura’s skin pebbling in response as she quivers. Her hands come up to tangle in his hair, and Elvis stills when she tugs just a little too hard - the sting sparkling down his spine. He pants against her, eyes closed as he rests his head on her chest, trying to regain any semblance of self-control so he could continue, his hands splayed across her stomach. The heat that had been building in Laura’s body all day is back with a vengeance, and already she can feel her heartbeat throbbing between her legs.

He presses little kisses down the soft folds of her stomach, and he grunts as he repositions himself up onto his knees. Laura takes a moment to drink in the sight of him - the way his hair is fluffed out from where her hands were just in it, the dark shadow that hints at stubble around his chin catching her attention, and below that a flush that matches hers colours his chest. She’s almost embarrassed at the little moan that slips out of her mouth as she follows, with her eyes, the thick patch of chest hair past his necklaces, and down, down his soft tummy before she rests them onto Little Elvis. Who’s already popped up to say hello, rosy and chubby. He takes her moment of stillness as his cue to go on and shifts one hand to tweak her nipple, the other going down to gently trail across her thigh. Laura gasps, urging him on. He dances his fingers across, hovering them over her until she’s about to beg. The moment his rough fingertip finally touches her she jolts, legs falling open even as her thighs clench.

“Oh Lord, you’re, you’re, Christ Lor, you’re ready for me already.” He strokes his finger up her wetness, adding a second to the mix to expertly spread her sticky folds. Laura tries to respond but all she can manage is a frantic nod as she struggles to find her words while Elvis busies himself with teasing her in little circles, dipping his finger in just the teeniest bit to gather more wetness and bring it back to circle almost directly on her clit. He’s got the same burning focus he does on stage, eyes blazing and his mouth open a little in concentration, pouty lips looking even more appealing in their bitten state. Laura’s eyes fall closed and she feels Elvis’ hand come back to her stomach, pinning her in place while his other plays with her, stilling her jerking hips a little. Laura doesn’t know what to do with her hands, but the problem quickly resolves itself when Elvis leans back to rub his wet hand over himself, before lining himself up and sinking into her hot, soaking, heat. Laura’s hands fall to grip at his shoulders, uncaring of her nails sinking into his delicate flesh.

“El-Oh, god, bit, bit of warning - next time, would be, ah, would be ni-ice.” She was ready but it didn’t stop her from feeling the stretch of him pushing into her. He pauses,

“You want, you want me to, fuck, come out?” He looks pained as he says it, and Laura grins,

“Christ no! Just, give me a-,” She wiggles a little, “No, no. It’s fine.”

“Yeah? You sure, honey? I don’t wanna - meant to be about you baby,” He says this, even as he can’t help but nudge further into her, his eyes begging her to say he can stay.

“Elvis. God, you can move.” He’s slow at first, barely rocking his famous hips, eyebrow quirking as he teases her.

“Yeah, baby? That - that what you wanted?” She groans, red-faced and sweaty,

“Elvis. Please.” It’s the magic word for a reason and he smiles before he concentrates again, his own eyes rolling back a little at the pleasure of it all as he builds up speed, rapidly fucking into her.

Laura rocks her hips into the air, legs shaking as Elvis brings his thumb down to rub directly over her clit, and their tight connection keeps her in precisely the right position even as her legs seem to flail. Her orgasm hits suddenly, and she falls off the precipice with a yell, mouth open and eyes wide as she catches sight of them both in the mirror, Elvis’ sweaty self-satisfied grin as he slows his fingers.

She shivers with the aftershocks, suddenly realising there were tears streaming down her face.

“Oh - Lord, what’s, ugh, what’s wrong baby, am I - am I hurting you?” He slows himself until he’s almost completely still, although, not totally. His voice strains with the effort of not moving, high-pitched, and Laura just shakes her head, “No - honey, I gotta know, you want me, you want me to stop?”

“No, no,” Laura sniffles, “‘s just, just a bit much - please Elvis, I want more.”

“Bit much?” Elvis takes her at her word and thrusts into her again,

“Just can’t get over you wanting me - ‘s just,” she moans, “just over, oh, overwhelming.”

“Baby, you feel what you do to me? What you done to me all day?” He pushes the hair from her face, staring down at her. She gazes back at him, glossy-eyed. “Awh, now baby, don’t look like that - you’re so pretty - Jesus, Lord, even,” He thrusts again, starting to fuck into her at a solid pace, “Even, fuck, even crying baby - makes your eyes all big, and your cheeks all rosy … god you look so fucking pretty.” He drags her even closer to him, his hands tight on her hips and waist, finger bruises being left - she babbles at him that he looks good too, pretty, and handsome and sexy. He doesn’t last much longer, maybe another thirty seconds before he’s shouting,

“Oh fuck, baby,” and his hips still, mouth falling open and his eyes rolling back as he groans. He collapses half on her, half on the bed and despite the almost overwhelming heat of him Laura welcomes the sensation of his heavy presence over her and the way he rubs his face on her shoulder. It should disgust her, the fact that he’s essentially covering her in his musk and sweat, but instead she finds it endearing, her pulse jumping in reaction to it. She kisses the top of his head and he responds by gently pulling out of her, rolling to one side. She tries to find it in herself to be brave, the afterglow making her bolder than she would normally be, but still not quite enough on her own.

“Can feel them cogs whirrin’ from here - did I not give you ‘nough attention?” He rolls over to face her. Laura shakes her head, taking a deep breath - it’s hard to have this conversation when she can literally feel his cum still sliding out of her, and she doesn’t know what she’ll do if he refuses.

“Elvis, can I - I want to stay here. Can I stay?” He pauses,

“For Christmas?” Laura frowns, starting to shiver at the cooling sweat and her stress at the discussion. Elvis tuts, rubbing her arm,

“Well, maybe? I mean I’d love to - if you’ll have me. But I mean, maybe that could - I’d really like to stay with you.” He hums, as if finally understanding what she’s getting at, there’s a long enough pause that Laura opens her mouth to say she didn’t mean it, explain that she was caught up in the emotions of the evening and she didn’t want to - honest, but Elvis beats her to it.

“Well, hon-ey,” He’s talking slower than normal, his southern drawl even more pronounced, “I don’t, I don’t see why not - I sure like having you around.” Laura turns to face him, finally,

“You mean it?”

“Wouldn’t say if I didn’t.” He says it sarcastically but he’s smiling softly at her and Laura grins,

“Oh! Thank you,” He strokes a circle against her arm, and she continues the only thing she can think in her mind that’s not just Elvis Presley agreed I could live with him is the next thing that comes falling out of her mouth, “I’m gonna need a thicker coat.” Elvis laughs,

“Baby, you wait ‘til Christmas - I’ll get you the warmest coat you’ve ever seen.” She smiles back laughing a little with relief, “Now, let’s get you warmed up again.” He rolls himself back over her and she giggles as he digs his fingers into her sides and his lips find hers once again.

—————

taglist!

@thatbanditqueen @whositmcwhatsit @vintageshanny @ellie-24 @lookingforrainbows @literally-just-elvis-fics @missmaywemeetagain @peskybedtime @shakerattlescroll  @arrolyn1114 @from-memphis-with-love @powerofelvis @dkayfixates @18lkpeters @lettersfromvenus

[okkalo]

hi wifey :3 here for the event match up !

hmmm for an ideal date i prefer either to go to the cinema, arcade or just to stay in okay games and watch old disney classic, ah and my favourite season is 100% summer.

as from which fandom i would prefer to be matched :: blue lock or league of legends <3 surprise me ~

hi ma chérie i love u more than any of these men can so never forget that ! also i added hsr because she dmed me if anyone was wondering (idk if people read other people’s matchups)

𝗶 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲 ₊˙♡﹗

𝗸𝗮𝗹𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 : nagi from bllk

“nagi, baby, do me a favor?” your sweetly asked question caught his attention in the sea of bright neon lights. it didn’t take much thinking for him to figure out what exactly you wanted. after all, it always seemed to be the exact same thing whenever you had an arcade date together.

“where is it?” he asked back, his lazy eyes watching as you lit up into a bright smile. your hand was quick to catch his wrist, leading him to the one game that had always managed to catch your attention each time: the claw machine.

“i want that one,” you instructed, like always, pointing to the one plushie that caught your attention. and, like always, he swiped his arcade card to win you that plushie you desired so.

you knew it never really took him any effort to win you one. in fact, it always seemed to be the first try he got your desired plushie in. he should’ve thought it to be annoying—he thought. after all, you asked him to win you one every time. though, it was hard to think so after seeing you all happy once he offered you the plushie he worked so hard for.

𝗸𝗮𝗹𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 : ezreal from heartsteel

“are we watching lion king again tonight?” ezreal asked, his hands moving to adjust the face mask sheet on you. his hands were gentle, his face close and eyes narrowed to make sure he adjusted it perfectly onto your skin.

“mmm, yeah,” you murmured your response while sitting patiently on the couch. it had been routine for the two of you to watch a movie together at least once a week. the other heartsteel members knew well to steer clear from the living room on friday nights due ezreal’s non-apologetic clingy and affectionate self.

“‘kay, but you gotta sing the songs with me,” he set his condition, acting as if you didn’t sing with him every time. it didn’t take him long to wrap his arms greedily around you, while also grabbing the remote and setting the movie up.

despite his overwhelmingly clingy nature, you couldn’t help but feel at peace every friday night. it was like routine for you, comforting you each time. the tray of food that consisted of popcorn and fruits—which, he knew you didn’t eat, but still added anyways for good pictures—to the cuddle positions or the blankets that would surround you two. each time, it reminded you of why exactly you loved the singer, despite his clingy nature.

𝗸𝗮𝗹𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 : aventurine (ur welcome) from hsr

maybe his luck finally played in his favor. maybe the blessing that had been bestowed upon him hadn’t been so bad after all. you were like a rare patch of water in a desert—at least, he thought. all of you seeped into his brain, leaking and filling his once pessimistic mind to grow optimistic.

it was times like this where he realized just how lucky he had been. with the soft breeze but warm breeze of the summer wind brushing past the both of you while the flowers and grass danced below your knees. the way the sun complimented your brown eyes perfectly, letting him see a pool of honey. so utterly sweet—just like you.

he couldn’t help but let his mask slowly fall around you, finally finding someone to trust in. a smile graced his lips, mimicking yours perfectly after hours of observing the sight of you. maybe he could thank gaiathra triclops for something.

[whoiwanttoday]

I started this by saying I have almost posted Margaret Qualley like 5 times and went into a whole thing about that but then I realized I think I have actually posted her. I knew when the Nice Guys came out I wanted to post her and indeed I did. Which is a little wild because it means that we have 9 years between posts here, which is a lot for someone who is maybe just starting to come into her own as a star. Anyway, I was going to say she almost makes it but never does and it's because I quite like her but I can't say I have really liked any movies she has been in. Except that's not true, I liked the Nice Guys. And Once Upon A Time in Hollywood but I can't say I remember which she was in that. Anyway, my point is, she gives pretty good performances and just last summer was an almost post her moment cause I saw her in Sanctuary which I found to be a good performance in a movie that didn't quite work. Which is where we are again. I really liked her in Drive Away Dolls but found the movie to be frustrating. It's not bad but it's also not good and it's flaws made me cringe. They feel like things a bad film maker would do and made me a little embarrassed made it to screen because they felt like the kind of stuff you see in a student film from someone who has seen a lot of movies and is aping them but doesn't know why they work or how to actually pull it off. Which is a problem given the director of this movie is Ethan Coen, one half of one of the greatest directors in American Cinema. So it was frustrating cause I am not sure how this movie ended up being so.. whatever it is. Disappointing. It also is only the second best Lesbian Crime Movie to come out last month, which is not great timing for it. But this post is about how there are some wasted performances here as well cause both leads are good but Margaret Qualley was a stand out. She was just great as a sort of cock sure lesbian who leaves chaos in her wake. Yet the movie didn't work and I didn't really enjoy myself and it's just another sort of strong performance in a movie that let her down. Too bad. Here she is though because today I want to fuck Margaret Qualley.

[bellewintersroe]

James ‘Moe’ Alley x nurse Jenny OC- Headcannons - Part 1.

You guys this boy is SO criminally underrated, I love him so I’m gonna dedicate a bunch of these headcannons / scenarios for him. If anybody has any requests for Alley then let me know!

just doing a spin off from the Easy boys x nurse headcannons, I feel like I need to delve further into underrated characters! And the OC being a nurse feels a lot more realistic for me to write about! I can explore more things than I could with a civilian OC.

This is going to be divided into parts just so it’s not insanely long- and I can write about specific events without having to skip past anything.

Also Jenny/ Jen is my go to OC name atm, that and Missy or Maggie- don’t ask me why, they’re just easier to remember 😭😭

I can see Moe being on the shyer / sensitive side. I’ll get more into the sensitive thing further on, but rn let’s talk about him pre war.

I think he’s kinda experienced with girls? Maybe had one or two relationships, but I think his body count is probably around 3/4? Nothing too wild, most of them have been when he’s drunk because I feel like he was maybe a little insecure as a teenager?

by the age of 22 he’s filled out, tall, muscular, super duper handsome, but I feel like he’d still be a little awkward? Especially around girls, around the guys he’s a lot more chill and he’s one of the more popular guys in Easy.

so when a bunch of nurses, attached to Easy company are introduced to the men, 99.9% of them are swarming around them, super happy to have such lovely ladies working alongside of them. But there’s this one particular blonde haired, blue eyed girl which Moe watched from afar. She’s petite, shorter than the rest, with lots and lots of hair and the most perfect face Moe had ever seen.

Moe thinks she looks stunning in her uniform, Angel like, so he can’t even imagine how drop dead gorgeous she is in her normal clothes.

Jenny is similar to Moe, slightly more on the sensitive side, and a little shy. She, however, once she gets to know people warms up super quick and has the most bubbliest personality. She’s chatty and has a laugh that’s contagious, there’s a light spread of freckles lingering across her cheeks and nose which only comes out in the summer, and despite army regulations, she loves wearing makeup and painting her nails.

anyway, back too it, Alley is pretty good friends with Liebgott and Christenson already, and they scored the best seats in the house with this Angel in particular sat right between them.

Moe finds an opportunity that’s not too demanding, nor would it be awkward with his buddies and makes a B line for the table. In the process, Jenny would glance up and see the most gorgeous man walking her way.

He’s tall dark and handsome, she has to take a double take at the baby face to make sure he’s actually walking over to her and not somebody else.

this is cute short when Skinny Sisk plants his ass firmly on the chair, stealing both Jenny’s attention and Alley’s plan. Alley mentally curses, borderline shooting daggers into Skinny’s head before playing it off as going to get another drink.

Every now and then the two of them would glance over in each others directions, curious to know more about each other.

unfortunately neither of them catch each others eyes at the same time and Alley would be under the impression that Jenny’s into Joe Liebgott, seeing as they’re chatting so much.

Anyway, a little time jump, training in Toccoa is fun and all- well, it’s really not. The only fun parts are the occasional weekend pass in which Jenny usually goes home to visit family and friends.

however there’s one particular weekend when she stays on sight, it’s a Sunday evening and shes walking to where there’s a cinema set up inside the hall. Some old movie is playing that’s played 10x over but she doesn’t care.

anyway, she walks in and despite it meant to be quiet in there, people are all like ‘Aw hey, Jenny!’ Glad to see her, and Moe, sat next to Liebgott finally learns her name.

‘Jenny’ Moe mutters out loud, smiling to himself like a dork, swivelled in his seat to face her like many of the other men and women are.

‘Yeah?’ Oh Shit- she heard and Moe’s breathless, and she’s breathless, waiting to find out why this random guy just said her name. Only when Jenny’s eyes narrowed did she recognise it to be the same handsome stranger from the pub that first time.

Moe is PANICKING, Liebgott is smirking, one of Jenny’s friend hooked under his arm as they watch him FREAK.

‘Oh- I just didn’t- know your name. That’s all, I’m Moe by the way.’ He’s springing up out of his seat, standing almost a foot taller than Jenny. She’s borderline blown away by his height, but his nervous rambling makes her feel somewhat at ease.

‘Hi, Moe, it’s nice to meet you.’ Then they shake hands? Kinda awkward, ik. But her voice is so sweet and has the slightest rasp, Moe truly believes she’s an Angel.

‘Well, it’s actually James but… nobody calls me that, anyway d’ya wanna sit here?’ Before he can think he’s offering his chair up and she giggles making him turn a vibrant red. It’s lucky it’s dark in there.

‘No, but, I’ll sit next to you.’ She’s shrugging casually, taking a seat right besides him. They slightly knock shoulders and she’s smiling to himself whilst he’s a sweating mess.

‘What an introduction Moe. Or is it James?’ Liebgott immediately starts teasing, embarrassing his friend further.

Jenny stands up for Moe, thinking his introduction was cute, when she leans over him he gets even more fidgety. ‘Shut your fly trap Joe… Is it Moe or is it James thought?’

conversation kinda flows from there between the four of them sat together, but the movie starting cuts any chance Moe thinks he has to redeem himself, short.

he’d be tense the whole time, and Jenny would be fidgety as hell. He’s stiffened, trying not to do the same, but there’s some kinda happiness inside of him that even if she’s moving around in her chair every 30 seconds, she still chose to sit next to him.

that evening he’d be BEGGING Joe to get you guys all out together, on some kinda four way date as he’s too nervous to approach Jenny alone. Jenny on the other hand drops all the hints possible that she’s into Moe, but she’s too flustered and he’s too flustered to notice.

‘I dunno man, I’m not really into the chick I was with earlier-“ ‘Liebgott, you’ve gotta do me just this one favour, man’.

the next thing Liebgott knows he’s acting very reluctantly as Cupid / matchmaker. But hey, if it makes his buddy happy, and Jenny is a total doll, so he wants to do it for his buddy.

Jenny would be sighing to her best friend Alice, saying how this guys a total dreamboat, all whilst Alice is complaining about how annoying the skinny dude was who she was on a date with. (Liebgott).

anyway I think their initial attraction would be super cute and innocent, but obviously things don’t always run smoothly so stay tuned for part two 😏

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

INSIDE OUT 2 slowly treks to possibly unseating Photoreal LION KING, now playing in Japan where the original made around $30-35m USD, while DESPICABLE ME 4 slowly climbs towards the big billion. If it does so, that makes it the first film in the franchise to do that since the third movie way back in 2017. MINIONS: THE RISE OF GRU was close but no cigar two summers back.

Both movies continue to fill up the auditoriums at the cinema I work at...

However, a new movie on the block with a curious helping of *2D* animation in it... Is not... The Sony release HAROLD AND THE PURPLE CRAYON, directed by Blue Sky alum Carlos Saldanha (ICE AGE 2, RIO 1 & 2, FERDINAND) in his live-action debut. I know some are having a lark at the weird Zachary Levi FX vehicle arriving a year after completion with no marketing, bombing hard, but I can't help but think... That just sucks.

And a big case of "what could've been?" Hollywood's been trying to adapt the Crockett Johnson-written book, first published in 1955, since the 1990s. Animated shorts and a TV series were made, but the movie just stalled and stalled, shuffling through different directors and iterations... And mediums. Sony Animation at one point, in conjunction with Amblin, was supposed to do a feature based on this... So now we got this movie, finished some time in early 2023 with an MPA rating and everything... Months before its initial release date (late July 2023), with no trailer in sight, it quietly packed its bags and left for this summer. I guess they were concerned that being wedged between BARBIE and MUTANT MAYHEM wasn't exactly the best idea...

So, it tried to arrive - unnoticed - nearly a month after DESPICABLE ME 4. Both DM4 and INSIDE OUT 2 charted higher at the weekend box office than CRAYON, which only took in $6m stateside. It's another "animation director goes live-action" endeavor that ended rather poorly. Andrew Stanton and JOHN CARTER OF MARS, Brenda Chapman and COME AWAY, even Brad Bird with TOMORROWLAND. Saldanha now has a picture called 100 DAYS lined up, an effort the Brazilian director is pursuing in his home country, so that's good for him.

It's also another largely live-action family/kids movie - not made by Disney - that didn't add up. They just become rarer and rarer by the year, it seems. I remember when those kinds of movies were everywhere. All your STUART LITTLEs and BABEs and LAST MIMZYs, off the top of my head. I think around the late aughts/early tens, they started to slowly go away, many of them just came up short most of the time. If they do exist, and aren't part of a movie franchise (like, say, WONKA and the SONIC movies), I feel they go to Netflix or whatever. There was IF this year, but that didn't make back its budget despite strong audience response/great WOM. So they still kinda exist?

Anyways, the summer belongs to emotions and gibbering tictacs on the family end of things... Though I saw quite a few parents taking their 4-7yos into DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE, and hey, some of today's kids probably see and hear worse elsewhere lol. I recall being allowed, weirdly, to watch SOUTH PARK circa 1999 when I was in 2nd grade but certain levels of violence were off-limits. I don't think my folks would've taken me to see an R-rated Deadpool/X-Men movie in 1999, haha.

So that probably ends the summer seasons, animation box office-wise. I know the autumnal equinox technically begins two days after TRANSFORMERS ONE opens, but I peg the beginning of it there. Bring on the robots!

[crankygrrl]

This post is a trigger warning

Sometimes, I think about killing myself.

I stole that line from a Daisy Ridley movie. It's called Sometimes I Think About Dying. The poster art looks grey, and very indie cinema, and I probably won't go to see it.

I don't actually think about dying much. But sometimes I think about killing myself.

Someone jumped off a balcony on the other side of the building last year. Their body was still on the lawn under an orange blanket when I got home that night. I think about climbing over my balcony and letting go, the sensation of falling, of feeling my body hit the parked cars below. Death has no dignity and that way of dying even less.

I tried to kill myself in 2008, in a Dublin hotel room, the same day I got my Master's Degree. I was drunk and I was angry. I had put all this work into this degree but I was still the same. I realized that no amount of achievement was ever going to make me different or make the pain go away. All my self-doubt and self-loathing was still there. I always imagined how it would feel if I could just cut away all the spoiled and rotten pieces of me. So I tried getting in through the wrist.

Pocket knives are blunter and skin tougher than I'd imagined. But not so tough, either. Sometimes I drive my life at the wall, pedal to the metal, just to see if I can brake in time. I stopped cutting in Dublin because I was afraid of how easy it would have been to keep going. Is that sanity or cowardice?

These things are hard to talk about because it hurts and frightens the people I care about. I don't want to make them collateral damage in my destruction. It's not about them anyway. But sometimes I am just so angry I don't know what else I can do with the feeling. Like if I pierced my skin, maybe the anger could escape. I try putting it on the page, on the screen, and it just. Won't. Go. Away. I fantasize about driving my fists into the wall so hard that I shatter all the bones. And then I'll kneel before a deity I don't know and offer them my mangled hands and the blood of my pulverized flesh will wash away all my sins.

Catholicism has a lot to answer for.

My father died last summer and this is my inheritance. He drank and he raged and he hit his wife and he terrorized me. The first time I thought about killing myself, I was 15. My parents split custody, 2 weeks on, two weeks off. I lasted until I was 16. I left my brothers behind and moved in full-time with my mom. My father never forgave me. I know that because he told me once. Because it wasn't enough to abuse me. The ordeal was never over until I forgave him his trespasses.

I think I hate him. Now that he's dead, maybe I am finally safe to hate him. Fucking asshole.

It would be nice if love were enough. It's not. We had one, last good conversation in the spring. I don't think he liked me very much at the end, and in hindsight, I don't know if I liked him at all. He made me feel like a failure at everything I ever tried to do to make him proud, and at some point, I think I stopped trying. I feel like I've spent my life torn between two poles, seeking his approval on one hand, and refusing to compromise to get it on the other. I feel like that has been a waste of time.

He told me once that he knew that if wrote about him, it wouldn't be complimentary. As I hemmed and hawed, his partner said something about accepting the gift that was given. It didn't feel like a gift, it felt like control.

I think about the painting of Noah and his sons on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and Ham', whose descendants Noah cursed because Ham witnessed his nakedness. I do not have children.

If I share this where you can read it, am I performative and vain? If I post it privately, am I hiding? One day I will tie this rage up in words so I can set it on a shelf and walk away.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ari . ari help . HELPPP im writing my satosugu x reader fic rn n im on the first chapter and its already OVER 4000 WORDS . WHAT THE FUCK . and its only the first out of THIRTY ONE . WAT THE FACK !!!!!!

anyway . struggling but . whatever i feel bad 4 my beta readers [aka my friends el oh el] who im gonna hound 4 feedback l8r after they finish reading this behemoth of a chapter

HOW r u ari ,,,, how has ur week been ,,,,, mines been pretty good bcuz life is good bcuz of SPRING ARRIVING AND . AND . OH MY GOHD i got a 2 at orchestra regionals !!!!!!! a 2 is Good btw like its an excellent technically the only things we lost points on were intonation and technique :3 hoping SO bad state large goes well also 2morrow hddjdjd [state large is 4 bigger orchestra groups btw]

ENOUGH abt me . how is spring in ur lil european country ,,, i remember u saying smthn abt being scandinavian ,,, or i could b remembering wrong eye dee kay judging by the lingering mentions of spring im assuming u rlly like spring which !! real !!!!! but summers my favorite cuz i was born in the summer ^_^

ashley !!!!! i am spinning you around happily <33 you’re so sweet for checking in!!!!!!

LMAOO THE STSG FIC 😭😭😭 that’s great though!!!!!! it’s gonna be a whole novel by the time you’re done w it 🫂🫂 more food for the rest of us!!!! good luck w the writing hehe, i’m cheering you on!!!! and good luck to your friends too 😭😭

MY WEEK HAS BEEN . GOOD . DECENT. i’ve been watching lots of tokyo rev ….. but i have to finish writing an introduction to an academic study this week…… so i’m busy busy busy but doing my best :’3 this friday i’m going to the cinema w my siblings so i’m excited for that!!! we’re watching the spy x family movie 🙏🙏🙏

anyway I’M SO HAPPY TO HEAR YOU’RE DOING WELL!!! that’s great!!!! spring really does make everything feel better doesn’t it 😭 AND THE ORCHESTRA REGIONALS???? HELLOOOO CONGRATULATIONS?????? that’s amazing!!!! i hope the state large goes well too!!!!

as for my little european country . yes i am in fact scandinavian (derogatory) and spring here is just Awful. Horrible. one day it’s snowing and the next it’s sunny. WE’RE GETTING THERE THO….. the flowers r blooming which i’m happy about. and the sun isn’t setting so early anymore. spring is actually one of my least fav seasons LMAO but i love the latter half of it!!! and honestly just. when it comes to writing symbolism and imagery spring is unsurpassed…. buuut my fav seasons are summer-autumn!! summer bc it’s warm and nice and autumn bc it’s cozy + my bday is in september. i love the bridge between them :3

[mifhortunach]

2023 'overview'

The standard end of year post of course!

This year has both breezed by and felt absolutely endless, personally at least, and i feel like i accomplished nothing(!), but still, here's a round up of some stuff i enjoyed!?

MOVIES: as ever as always! I'm writing this a bit in advance, but i've deffo seen less movies this year than i did last year, tho i believe that i did manage to get out to the cinema way more than usual (tho, tbh, most often on my lonesome i think). I think i've felt the most divided on them this year; i liked a lot of stuff very VERY much! i also have felt so SO bored with a lot more things. i think i talked about having like. a matrix moment last year, nothing like that this year, tho a lot more of being like, 'well yeah, of course', or finally being able to recognise what a shot is, lol. Regardless, here are the movies i probably loved the most this year:

aftersun: all i talked about jan thru feb, need to watch it again. it looks great, its both fun & heartbreaking, and you KNOW i love the found footage side of it all - especially when it addresses that even when you have footage of 'objective reality' you just really cant know it all operation avalanche: as w aftersun, this shit gets at like ALL my interests! OpAv isn't a perfect movie, and i think the more u know about the production/etc the more obvious that becomes [i genuinely WOULD love to see/know more about the version that really did have the mole/romance plotline integrated, but lbr, that doesnt really exist]. ANYWAY!! i do think this is such an exciting film to watch, especially the movie making sequences, and i think the feeling of it all comes across so truly iygm. also, obvs, bc i love conspiracies unfortch the dirties: im sorry there's so much MJ on this list, short tho it is! but hey, these really took over my life for a month there lol. i still havent listened to the commentary w the real film critic, but i truly find this to be an airtight movie, the found footage stuff is so well integrated, justifying everything while also calling all intent/'reality' into question.. i do think someone could spend forever with it - its also funny & miserable! what more could u want (watch my fancam please) my house walkthrough: i genuinely just really like this!! ive said it before, but i genuinely just find it such an exciting watch, the bts just makes it so much cooler - what's sicker than repetition Hon Noms: la confidential: heat walked so this could run ! thirst: so much fun, i love vampire lovers who hate each other beau is afraid: too long, but i really liked most of this, v funny black tower: great example of doing smth so cool w very little

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

books:

francis spufford, new sun series, chandler, mauretania

PODCASTS:

sfultra!!!: sean L@TDF finally returns to talk about sci-fi books! sean is one of the few critics i'll always keep up with even when i dont agree w him, & this show has been a real treat all this year - the patreon stuff is great as well - its introduced me to a lot of new stuff & crit, and its been good to hear from him again. if u listen to any of these, listen to this shelved by genre: really good, tho often we have different interests - got me to read a fair few more books this year! im not a games guy, and im mad behind on fatt, so its super nice to get to hear some austin biweekly anyway, lol. twioat (as ever): i was a bit trepidatious about this season starting off, but it's been so much fun, the fellas really knocked it out of the park. i loved hearing from some guests that we havent heard from in ages. this season on AJLT was also fuckin amazing, truly & really adored their coverage; possibly highlight of my summer?? toxic podcast: i almost certainly shouted this out last year, but it was nice to have this around again in the top half of the year!! ale has a letterboxd now & its fun to get to see just how many truly atrocious horror movies he does watch all the time. a true connoisseur

------------------------

pick’n’mix:

ntbts: its a such good show!! i've watched more tv than usual this year, but i love how this is done on almost every level. i apologised before for having so much MJ on this list & i stand by that!, but i do think that one of the best (practical) traits in his work is making difficult stuff look not only easy, but genuinely both fun & achievable. whens the movie going to drop??? (lol) getting into shirts: this genuinely was more of an accidental year long thing, starting w the ones i printed for lizzie back in jan/feb, but its been fun! finally got back some screenprinting experience, and i think u can really see some amping up of ambition & basic skill/practice. i do wanna do more in the new year, but am trying to engage with actual intended outcomes (and lbr, the storage issue lol), so we'll see

the sopranos!!: sometimes they really were right about good tv being good, who knew! so much funnier, weirder & depressing than i wouldve expected- honestly undersung at this point. also, it introduced me to a tonne of music lol

the blackberry soundtrack: unfortch i continue to be kinda mixed on the film, as much as i think on a technical level it's so super cool & well-made. i do really like the soundtrack tho!! i'm kinda iffy on some of its application in the actual film, but im a hater, so what can u do lol. the actual thing DOES rip tho

==========

this whole thing makes it look like i got a lot more done this year than i feel like i did lol. i feel like i had plans up the top but they really all came out in the wash//

i read an okay amount of books, but failed to get thru any piles

i watched more tv than usual this year, and saw id say, a midtier amount of movies, but way more new movies than usual

i moved for a bit! then moved back & got a worse job lol

there was a lot of work i didnt get finished.. i have stuff ive been meaning to edition since this time last year that i still havent gone back to.. that said, i think i did get some stuff done, finally actually did some stone litho(!!!!) & had some stuff up in a show or two

who knows,,, maybe ill finally get my shit together & 2024 could be my year - people say good things about being 26 right??? 😭😭😭

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Finally, the long awaited Jimin Vinyl is here. Or it will be for me sometimes in the first few months of 2024, depending when it arrives. But I've lived without it until now, I can do it for longer. Anyway, it will look pretty in my growing vinyl collection and it comes with extra goodies. Which I love. It also feels so good when it's a surprise. I got Prince's Purple Rain and it came with a poster which I had no idea of!

I also pre-ordered one version of the GQ magazine because I'm slowly adding more to my magazine collection. I don't think I'll ever forget the day I threw out my entire collection of Elle that I gathered throughout high school in a moment of late teenage rebellion. Anyway, I'm eyeing some Vogue numbers now, but that's for November or December.

When I know I have the option to pay when I receive the package, it's so much easier to add stuff to the cart. I make it a problem for future me and at least I have options. So I got Taemin's album as well which I'm so excited for. It will be my first. I'm really not a K-Pop album collector, but it's nice to have some of the releases on my shelf. I didn't get the bug of getting everything from everyone.

I've also thought if I should get Jungkook's album now. I was looking at the Substance version, but I think I'll wait until after the release. It's no rush for me. I actually did the same with Face. I got one version in late April and the other one some time in the summer (for other reasons).

Now, onto some more practical stuff for which I hope any of the people following me/reading this might have an answer. It's about the documentary on Weverse. I'll admit, I never bought anything from that platform. I watched ITS 1&2 thanks to people adding links on twitter. I looked up Suga and J-Hope's documentaries just to get an idea on a price and it said 100 Jelly, which I'm supposed to buy. (Do people get jellies when they order stuff from weverse shop and all that?). So, there's either 80 or 120 Jelly options, but the point is, to be able to unlock the documentary, I basically need to pay 30 euros. Which in my opinion, sounds a bit absurd. It's the equivalent of 5 movie tickets at the cinema. Or some expensive screening session at a festival. But this is a 60 minute documentary. I don't need to own a digital copy or to have access permanently to it. It's also unfair given that with the other two, people had the option of watching it on Disney+ for which the subscription is the equivalent of small change compared to this.

I'm also not able to watch in on the 23rd when it's released because I'll be on a train with bad wifi and getting home after a long journey. I'll have to stay away from social media, but I don't know for how long. If anyone is kind enough to give me a heads up if there are people streaming it on twitter or it gets uploaded on some platform/website, I would appreciate it very much.

Anyway, after a few days in which I've been complaining about lots of stuff and in particular weverse, Jimin day is almost here! It feels like a holiday 😄

[on-the-shelves]

on my shelf: soundtrack to MA year 3 - summer (a.k.a. the finale)

And so it comes to an end. I handed in my Master's thesis (topic: Emancipatory Potential of Girl Teen Film) about a week ago, so now I'm just waiting for it to be graded and also I have to find a job or something now... The thing I have been dreading most for like 10 years...

ANYWAY so I was super busy this summer with the thesis and going to a Japanese film festival for a class (I mostly saw very emotional movies (oops) and one very good comedy (Mondays: See You 'This' Week)), going to concerts (Red Velvet!!! Odd Eye Circle!!! Twice!!), going on vacation but still spending at least 3 hours every day working on my thesis, keeping up with the BTS members, seeing literally every BTS/TXT/IU concert or documentary they showed in cinemas, etc. etc.

So here we go into the final list of albums/songs that soundtracked my studies (it's been almost exactly 6 years since my first post in this series!!):

The Jazz Hop Café: (anything with "jazzy lofi" in the title)

So this one's not really an album, I know, but I wanted to mention this YouTube channel and their compilations of lofi songs because on many days, playing one of their videos was the only way I could get focused on the work I had to do. Using a video was also much more helpful to me than that famous lo-fi livestream because it helped me track how many hours I had been working. Truly a life-saver. And the music just sounds great too. They found some real gems!

Agust D: D-Day (2023)

What a perfect finale to the Agust D trilogy. While all three albums, Agust D (2016), D-2 (2020) and now this one, deal with anger and fear, there's a clear maturation in how these subjects and emotions are approached. On D-Day, Agust D is speaking to the world and breaking free - in openly and honestly sharing his struggles, his pain, he hopes others can feel comforted. The album literally begins with the line "Future's gonna be okay" ("D-Day"). The theme continues throughout the album, most prominent in "Amygdala" and "Snooze", a beautifully cinematic track featuring the late Ryuichi Sakamoto that is dedicated especially to everyone working publically in the music industry and struggling. He has been there, he knows what it's like and he is sincerely cheering you on. In the last years, Yoongi has emphasised again and again how much he wants to help out others and this album showcases this desire the clearest out of all of his albums. He's also pushing himself to try out a variety of new styles without losing his identity: "People Pt. 2 (feat. IU)", "SDL" and "Life Goes On" showcase his warm singing voice, while "Snooze" is the grandest he's gone musically, filled with strings, guitars, piano, and so much emotion. "Haegeum" takes a leaf out of "Daechwita" from D-2's book by incorporating a traditional Korean instrument in a novel way, while using the lyrics to speak of the hypocrisies plaguing society today. The music video for that one is like a movie, too. All in all, the album is hopeful while being emotionally heavy - and in that way, it allows a feeling of catharsis. How desperately I wish I could've gone to a concert on the tour...

fav: Life Goes On; People Pt. 2

Jimin: Face (2023)

So this was not at all what I would have expected from Jimin's first solo EP, considering the types of songs he had released before. Especially the first single, "Set Me Free, Pt. 2" came busting down the doors and demolishing all those preconceived expectations with it's assured declaration of wanting to break free from them. The other tracks are more intimate but just as interesting. The album opens with clown-like music before morphing into a very different sound and the opening line "All right, I guess the blame is on me" - brilliant. The album feels very visual to me because it's full of this kind of 'sound painting', like the clown music or "Interlude : Dive", which tells a whole story of Jimin reminiscing about the BTS concert days and the frustration and sadness of not being able to do that right now. Jimin has said he worked through his feelings from the most difficult times of the pandemic in these songs and you can feel that frustration all over these tracks. For example: Lead single "Like Crazy" really makes you feel like you're not fully sober, just trying to ignore all the bad feelings but struggling to do so. Jimin uses his already unique voice in a variety of new ways throughout the tracks. And added to that, there are quite a few interesting moments on all these songs - like the long-ish musical interlude after "Like Crazy"'s first chorus or the way the music stutters after the "Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie" line in "Alone". An added bonus, lovely moment is the hidden track on the physical album, which is more like what I'd have expected from Jimin, and is a beautiful guitar ballad for ARMY.

fav: Face-off

V: Layover (2023)

After years and years of V promising that his mixtape/album would come out soon, just for him to reveal that he's scrapped everything and started over, it's finally here and it's everything I could have ever hoped. One of the first BTS songs I heard that made me fall into the rabbit hole was his "Singularity". The R&B, more laid-back sound suits his vocal tone so perfectly, and that's exactly what runs through all of these new songs. One thing that stands out is how much room is given to the instrumentals: "Slow Dancing"'s second half is just a flute/piano solo with no vocals. It really boosts that laid-back, dreamy feeling that runs throughout the EP. Lyrically, all the songs are about missing someone and wanting them back, which V conveys very convincingly. The music emphasises this feeling in different ways - from the slightly off-key (?) moments in "Rainy Days", to the jazz and soul inspired free-ness of "Slow Dancing", to the key change via pitched-up vocals in "For Us". Generally the sound also fit in perfectly with all of that jazzy lofi I'd been listening to while writing, which made it feel instantly familiar and cozy. My favourite part of the promotions were all the live band sessions that really added so much to these songs.

fav: Rainy Days; Blue

Jung Kook: "Seven" (2023)

Song of the Summer!! I literally couldn't stop listening to this song all summer, seven days a week (ha). To be honest, I was shocked when I heard the lyrics the first time because Jung Kook just had a much more innocent (?) image, but actually this vibe suits him perfectly. He is such a quintessential pop star - vocals, dance, looks, charisma: he has it all in abundance. And on top of that, he lacks the cheesy insincerity or even low-key misogyny that I get from a lot of the pop boys historically. The lyrics to "Seven" are sexy, especially because of how loving they seem: "I kiss your waist and ease your mind"! "I must be favored to know ya"!! It's just so very Jung Kook. And I really enjoyed the remixes of the song, too, in a way I haven't enjoyed remixes since BTS' "Dynamite". Especially the "Island Remix" was fun for me, since I was on holiday on an island when it was released (Mallorca - the same island where V also shot some videos for his album this year!!).

Kep1er: LOVESTRUCK! (2023); Magic Hour (2023)

Both Kep1er EPs this year have had some of their best non-single tracks so far, with generally better line distribution among the members than their lead singles/title tracks. They have been leaning more into a groovy, light sound, and allowing more space for individual vocals and harmonies. By Magic Hour, it feels like they are starting to find a good niche for themselves, musically. "Galileo" is my favourite title track of theirs since "Up" (2022) and this might be the first time I truly like every song on an EP. Hopefully this doesn't turn out to be their last album, since they're a project group with a limited contract which is supposed to be up after two years (meaning end of this year)... They're only just starting to find their feet as a group! What a strange system...

fav: Back To The City; Why; Galileo; The Door

Odd Eye Circle: &lt;Version Up> (2023)

After the chaos on Loona island that started at the end of last year, all the members got out of their contract this year!! And then went on to several different new agencies. They do keep mentioning that Loona is not broken up, so there is still hope for an OT12 reunion at some point. For now, the first group to have released new music is the second Loona sub-unit Odd Eye Circle, who just so happens to be my favourite sub-unit. And they truly delivered once again. Maybe it helped that they're working with their original producer again, but they really do showcase an upgraded version of themselves on this new album. Every song is such an earworm, but not annoying in any way. And I really enjoy the little references to the Loona discography and first OEC EP - the introduction track often brings a little tear to my eye. I have barely listened to Loona in the past year because of the ongoing boycott and this EP filled that void a little. Plus the girls were AMAZING in concert, I literally cannot believe I saw them live in a tiny venue in Berlin and got to see all of their solo songs, duets, and of course OEC songs. And even "Hi High"!

fav: Je Ne Sais Quoi; Love Me Like

Loossemble: Loossemble (2023)

Speaking of Loona: The five members who went to a different label recently released their own EP under the name Loossemble, which stands for Loona Assemble (so cute). Even though this was literally only released two weeks ago, I've been listening to it constantly. First of all, we finally get to hear the five members who usually get the least amount of lines in OT12 songs - and they sound so good! I especially love all of the harmonies on the album. This EP also really still feels like a Loona (sub-unit) album, especially from the fan-favourite earlier days, not straying too far into unknown territory (yet?) but not boring in any way because they do get to showcase new things, like ViVi's lower register on "Sensitive". I also find it very cool that all of the members have at least one writing/composing credit on the EP, which is something they've never gotten to do before but are really good at! And "Strawberry Soda" was even written for them by fellow Loona (but not Loossemble) member Yves! They're really still carrying the OT12 agenda. Fingers crossed Loossemble also decides to tour in Europe at some point!

fav: Strawberry Soda; Sensitive

NewJeans: Get Up (2023)

It's really amazing how NewJeans keep upping their game with every release. This EP is more summery again, but again in a way that's very atypical for K-Pop, drawing on various styles of dance music as well as R&B. It's varied and fun and has quite a few interesting elements, such as the unusual sparse sound of "ASAP" and the horns in "ETA".

fav: Super Shy; Get Up

BTS: "Take Two" (2023)

Of course they recorded a song to be released around their 10-year anniversary when they weren't all able to celebrate together. Of course they did. And of course it's such a warm, embracing hug of a song. 2025 can't come soon enough.

And here are some more albums I enjoyed:

Colde: Love Part 2 (2023)

Twice: Ready To Be (2023)

Fifty Fifty: The Fifty (2022)

Fall Out Boy: So Much (for) Stardust (2023)

j-hope: Jack In The Box (HOPE Edition) (2023)

STAYC: Teenfresh (2023)

Le Sserafim: Unforgiven (2023)

Viviz: VarioUS (2023)

Itzy: Cheshire (2022)

the BTS discography remains on repeat as well, of course

---------------------------------------------

A final note: I'm really proud of myself for keeping this series going all this time. I already sometimes look back on older posts and it's so interesting to see how my taste in music and my way of writing changed through the years. Sometimes the music you listened to at a certain time in your life will always remain connected to that time for you but sometimes that connection weakens. So having these posts to look back on is like having all these little time capsules, which is nice. I don't know if I'll keep doing something similar now that I'm out of school, but it could be nice... We'll see what happens next (I have 0 plans for my future :D)!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Grief

There was an article a few days ago about video games and grief - mostly about how, while gaming’s always been a good way of taking your mind off grief, recently games have actually been actually dealing with the subject as a main part of the plot. Which, because sometimes my brain works like someone bouncing subject to subject via Wikipedia links, brought me to something a good friend of mine said awhile ago. Because given the games I’ve been playing of late, and how much I’ve been enjoying them, a few things are becoming clear.

See, back in December, when we had that cold snap and there was snow and ice on the roads and no one was salting anything? I posted on my Facebook that I was kind of sad about the situation. I was born in Montreal. I learned to walk on ice-slick pavement ... well, at the same time as I was learning to walk at all. That instinct never left me, either. Now it’s just that ... well, unless I want to put some version of mountaineer’s spikes on the foot of my cane, the damn thing would be a liability. I’m not even sure that would work, and certainly wouldn’t be good in places where the ice was thin. Anyway, fibromyalgia means I can’t walk on ice the way I used to, and I definitely couldn’t risk the fall. So I was a little sad about that.

My friend talked about “the folly of comparing ourselves now to ourselves then” and "comparison is the thief of joy” and something about how we’re different and we shouldn’t look at that poorly. And it took awhile to really understand why I was so upset at him about it. I know he meant well, so I didn’t say anything, but after awhile, I figured out the words I needed for this (though far too late to actually call him on it). The words were these:

“Let me fucking grieve, godsdamnit!”

Because I am. I am grieving for what I could do before everything was made of pain. It’s a process. It’s a long, miserable process, but it’s an important one. It’s like losing a friend or a family member - life goes on, yes, but you’re probably going to end up tripping over something that reminds you of the loss at random intervals for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I’m sad when I realise that I can’t walk on frozen streets anymore - not because “I should be able to do this because I have places to be and I’m letting someone down”, but because “That skill is one of the last things that I in and of myself keep from the place where I was born; that’s a piece of of myself that sings of home, and it’s gone and it’s never coming back”.

There are a lot of things that are gone and they’re never coming back. A careless grocery shop where I don’t have to read the labels of every fucking thing that goes into my cart. Day trips to fun parts of the city. Late night walks in the summer to cool down. Running for buses. Conventions (though I will take the risk if the Critical Role crew ever reschedule the MCM Comic Con appearance they had to miss because it was during the early-ish days of Covid). The cinema. Travel to any significant degree. A general sense that I will at least be able to get up and function most mornings. Umbrellas (because holding up an umbrella for any length of time hurts like hell). Boogieing to music on my headphones (unless it’s a very good day). There’s always something I’m finding I can’t do because it hurts too badly to do it, and thus I grieve in small stages over this one huge loss.

So I think games like I Am Dead and Lost Words: Beyond the Page and Spiritfarer helped me because they reminded me that it’s okay to be grieving. There are stages of grief for a reason; they don’t make the grief go away, exactly, but they teach us how to cope with it. Of course, I don’t know that I’ll ever get to the ‘acceptance’ stage, or maybe I’m already there, I don’t know. Just because you’ve accepted the loss doesn’t mean you’re not going to still feel sad or angry or disappointed or all of the above when another facet of that loss comes knocking.

...I guess the only difference is that if it’s a person you’re grieving for, you can say things like, “They would have loved this”, or imagine them watching you from Wherever Comes Next and cheering you on, or something else that lets you still feel close to the person who’s gone. That’s harder to do with ... you know, physical health. Maybe that’s why I started gardening, and being more inventive in cooking, soon after my diagnosis - just to feel closer to “active and abled and Doing Things”, I don’t know. I reap the benefits either way.

Point being ... yeah, most of the time I’m all about, “Yeah, I’m used to it”. But sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’m angry or sad or asking what I did to deserve this. And that’s probably always going to be the case. But it’s just ... a lot bigger than “comparison is the thief of joy”. Because comparison is not the thief of joy. Even with the fibromyalgia, I look at who I am now compared to who I was ten years ago and I am just ... so much better. But ... I can’t even want “just one day without pain” because I know - I absolutely know - that if I had total relief from pain for one day, that pain would feel worse when it came back. But sometimes I wish for it anyway. I wish it was easier. I wish it hadn’t happened. I have to carry on having a life, obviously, and I do so as well as I can with my current limitations. Hell, in some ways I’m doing better than I was before the diagnosis.

Just ... please never ask me not to be sad about it. I am allowed to be sad about it. And angry. And frustrated. I am grieving, and as long as I’m doing it in a healthy way (which I think I am; I can certainly function, at least), I fucking deserve to grieve. And if some of the help I’m getting to keep the grieving process healthy involves video games? ...Hey, I love video games, so silver lining.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Hello! This summer I feel so jealous of others. And normally I'm not a jealous person at all, and I know it's not good and it only attracts more bad things and I try to look at it differently but I don't know what happened. Summer is overall a lonely time for me because I like being around people but I don't have friends so I do my hobbies at home but this summer it just seems like everyone goes on vacation to somewhere with their friends and partners at it just got to this point. I would love to go do my hobbies in the city but there aren't any programs like those that i wouldlike to do, I've been searching since the begging of summer. Although I enjoy summer because it's like a reset and you can actually take a break, I think I haven't felt lonelier.

Hi! Not sure what you would like to hear from me but I guess some kind of solution? And maybe to chat a bit...? :)

First of all, I think you're still not jealous, you're envious. Jealousy is generally referred to something you possess/have/own and you fear others taking it away from you (eg. you could be jealous of your phone and sb taking a look at it, some people are jealous of their friends/lovers...); envy is desiring something others have but you lack (eg. people have company but you are alone; sb has success but you don't...).

Anyway, ofc summer is the period of the year in which people have vacations and come together the most especially cause of the warmer climate that, generally, makes you want to get out of your house more and enjoy. Feeling envious of others having what you would like to have and experience but you seem to not be able to, is often a normal human reaction (unless it gets to a point where it blocks you and makes you want to sabotage others: that's not good. It's the excess of things that is dangerous: if you can still control your emotions and try to realize the reasons behind them, is okay). Still, remember that you are comparing yourself to others, which is not something that works as it only makes you focus on what you are lacking also as a person and may make you feel not enough (compared to them, again). This envious feeling can grow according on also other (indirect as well) triggers you may get here and there (eg. time passing by and you growing older, effort put into your goal of meeting people but not being able to make friends, society/family's beliefs indirectly pushing you to have someone with you by a certain age...) and this may make you pay more attention to other people enjoying together while you are "still" in the same place, and it makes you feel lonelier (again cause you're focusing on what you lack and others seems to have and enjoy: connections, fun...). Psychologically speaking, it works the same as when someone mentions a blue elephant and all you can do is think about a blue elephant or notice blue elephant's figures everywhere (or to make a more common example: you could like white dogs, so when walking around you could notice them more than other dogs).

Try to recenter on you, on what you have and what you can give to others. Work on your relationship with yourself too, as it can mirror your relationship with others. You're mentioning hobbies, and that you can't find any that you'd like to try. Isn't there any other type of hobby that you'd like to try and could do in the city or anywhere close? Maybe join a course of any type (pottery, languages, painting, cooking, film/photography...) or going to the cinema/library/park or... taking a walk somewhere maybe taking pictures or paint in the park, or volunteer? Idk, maybe (ofc, up to you as I'm only suggesting here), you could try and compromise with something that is not exactly what you'd like to join but is also something that doesn't look as bad (or is something you would like to join but seems too much for you or that you won't be able to make it: join just for fun, you don't have to master that). Sometimes is okay to leave our comfort zone to experience something different and maybe meet different people too. You don't have to make friends with everyone (or even at all) ofc, just go there with the intention to know your limits and see what could happen (you can leave if it's something you don't enjoy after you tried: we often don't know if we like something or not unless we really experience that). Rethink your goals/targets: join to open up yourself more and meet other people (some may be there exactly for your same reason), cause I think that's the point for you... trying to be more open (not saying you're not, but at times we think we're open to let people in but we still have unconscious walls that block them out eg. not talking about something without giving an explanation like "sorry I'm not ready to talk about this yet" or being too closed off on a certain topic, saying no to meet ups without explanations.... And this way, we cannot make the connections we'd like to make).

You said summer is a point of reset, well you can still reset by starting something new and different: if anything you've done before didn't work, probably what you need to do is change something in your approach (you don't have to change as from day to night, just a small change can do... and change according on your feelings and how much you feel like, respect yourself in the meantime, and let yourself experiment and make "mistakes" too). Ofc, it's up to you and what you want to do, what you wan tto experience... this is only based on what I believe is your need to feel less lonely and meet more people.

Hope you can find some good friends just by going out and enjoying yourself! Have a lovely day and summer!