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primordial-shade · 1 year ago

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Gorgon partner headcanons

Right right right right

Ok ok So Gorgons.

I have a personal headcannon for these guys. I will say they are descended from the original 3 Gorgon sisters.

They have snakes for hair, scaled skin, walk on two legs that can shift into a massive snake tail.

Can be male or female, do have the ‘paralysing stare’ but unlike their divine ancestors it only stuns for a short period of time, paralysing the attacker rather than turning them to stone.

They can also control it thanks to a third, transparent, eyelid

They come in numerous colour patterns and live mostly in warm environments around the Mediterranean sea. In fact there are hidden villages on Gorgons hidden.

Live very Modern-Ancient Greece. But more feminism, lots more feminism. They ancestors were all women by the way.

How were the species born? By the three original Gorgons mating with humans or through divine parthenogenesis.

Anyway to help genetics, and because they are all related, Gorgons tend to mate with humans and no matter gender they can sire or carry eggs. Any child will also be a gorgon.

Now that I have gotten my hypothesising out of the way, onto the stuff.

SFW:

At first Gorgons are not extremely physically affectionate. In fact you may be hard pressed to even know if they like you at first. But do not be fooled! Their hard outer shells hold extremely squishy insides.

They are probably internally going absolutely fucking crazy over you. Overthinking every move they make, each interactions they have with you.

Outside face: -.-

Inside: Ok ok, be cool. The pretty human is talking to you- gods their eyes are beautiful, should I tell them? No that would be weird! Maybe I can mention it in a roundabout day- Oh.My.Gods they called my scales PRETTY!!!!!! MARRY ME YOU GORGEOUS HUMAN!

Yeah poor little guys are messes, they are quite reserves as a species.

Very much on the gift-giving and acts of service way of showing affection. But more along the way that if you mention needing something done they’ll do it. Like if you mention you have an issue with your car they’ll fic it or arrange for it to be fixed the same hour. Also very much on the spectrum of if you mention you like something they will make sure you have it every day. Use this power wisely.

Most Gorgons you meet will also have large vegetable and fruit gardens and also some form of animal. As a species a big part of their courting to be able to feed and provide for their mate. They also live in a part of the world great for crops.

They also build their homes partly into the earth. These homes are highly decorated and built with the intention for the Gorgons lifestyle. Whether its just for themselves, just for partners, or for future families. Homes also tend to be connected underground, making multigenerational neighbourhoods.

Once you actually enter into a relationship with a Gorgon things rev up.

Gift giving leans away from more practical to more indulgent, as do acts of service. They also slowly become more communicative about their emotions. Its still rather laconic but they’ll say emotionally devastating shit that will rock your world outta the fucking blue.

Like shit you’ll be washing up the dishes after dinner and they’ll turn to you and say some shit like “I am descended from the divine, and even I feel myself go mad from the beauty of your smile.” And then will turn back and begin drying the fucking dishes like nothing happened.

Meanwhile your ass is standing there having had your shit rocked on a spectral level and your deciding whether to cry, kiss them or make them see stars right then and there.

ALSO! Also also also. Snakes for hair.

These guys have snakes for hair that are semi-independent. I sort of debate on them being extensions of their gorgons mind but being individual in a sort of way.

These little guys are key to their Gorgons emotions. The hair will give it away peeps.

Whilst they will stay relatively neutral before a relationship properly occurs the snakes will pay more attention to you than anyone else.

Once the relationship begins the little snakes will be all over you. Hissing and nudging and kissing your face little snakey kisses when you’re close.

And gods if you pet them?? Good luck getting your hand back babe, the snakes are keeping it, pets forever.

Also as your Gorgon gets more comfortable with initiating physical contact it will be hard for them to stop bless them. They’ll probably use the old adage of ‘but baby I’m cold blooded!!’ to eek out more cuddle time.

Also in the cold months they will stick to you like glue. It doesn’t get freezing in the Mediterranean but the poor babies are cold blooded. Any unnecessary trips outside are vetoed and they make more use of the Thermal Hot springs they usually build their towns around.

They will damn near climb into your clothes if a breeze hits them. They don’t like the cold >:(

NSFW

Iiiiiittttttss Sexy time!

Hahaha lets go.

First lets talk About the paralysing stare, because if you want they can and will use that as a part of sex.

You’ll be conscious, and you’ll be able to blink, but besides that your are paralysed baby.

Its kind of an ingrained kink in the species. Shows a deep bond of trust between a mortal mate and their gorgon. It also scratches that ‘predator’ urge in the backs of their heads.

Having you so pretty and still, letting them do whatever they want to you, letting them move and control you like a good little doll. It gets them so fucking horny.

They’ll love a bit of kinky hide and seek as well. Tracking you by the scent of your arousal in the dark, tongue licking at the air, tasting your arousal as they track you, hissing every fantasy of what they’ll do to you when they find you…

And when they do, they’ll fuck you on the spot, taking you hard and fast until you’re a gibbering mess, only then they’ll drag your limp and shivering body back to their nest.

Yeah you won’t be leaving for a while, but what bliss guys, what fucking bliss.

In bed they’re all over you, long scaly tail trapping your legs as hey take you, licking the sweat from your skin and moaning about your beauty. About your pretty pussy/cock/ass and how good you feel.

You run so much warmer than them, everything feels so hot and wet and they adore you, relishing in your warmth. They wanna stay permanently inside you/you inside them so they can keep experiencing your warmth.

They also will bite you a little bit, just a little. No they’re not venomous baby, please just let them bury their fangs into you, they promise it’ll feel so good.

Also, if you do want kids, they will make that happen. Both male and females can lay and carry eggs. The moment you say you want a baby with them they are ready to load you up with eggs, filling you so prettily and making sure you’re fully and happy.

#Gorgon x Human #Gorgon x reader #monster lover #monster fucker #monster x reader #monster x human #terat0philliac #terato

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extantodyssey · 1 month ago

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god i am so crazy about otto. i keep wanting to talk abt his specific mental issues and then i remember that literally none of that is canon. just headcanon extrapolated from subtext within the game. i've been living in headcanonland for so long that i keep forgetting how little material this dude actually has in pn2. anyway you ever think about how the portrayals of him in each of the psy7's minds (save for helmut's) are either nonexistent or straight-up negative??? and also how he's the only psy7 member without a designated pair and just gets thrown in with whoever is Left in a particular situation??? because i do. i think about it. but on a lighter note you ever think about otto and helmut being besties? because i do :) i think that, despite being a scientist, otto has the mind of an artist. i think he treats science like an art. so i think he and helmut get along. (and also they're my 2 faves so of course i have to make them friends)

i am right there with you in headcanonland LOL, it’s so easy to forget that some things are literally just Something I Made Up

fun fact i literally think about that CONSTANTLY!! and it’s sort of difficult to try and figure out how much of the negative portrayals are more-so a reflection of the person’s psyche or their actual feelings about otto? and no matter what i can only imagine how devastating it would be for otto to find out that’s how he’s viewed by them!

i think it would more or less make sense for there to be some resentment there from the remaining psychic 7 with otto continuing to be in the public eye and the most well adjusted (on the surface), but i have always thought of it as otto just forcing himself to keep going because someone has to and he wants to keep their legacy alive in some way, especially as the first one ford recruited

and oh my god, professional third-wheeler otto mentallis, it literally KILLS me to think about it! and it’s not like he’s really making any other friends so really he’s just as isolated as the rest of the psychic 7 that are left even if he’s the only one still involved in the modern psychonauts (besides ford)… and even after the game, everyone else is reunited with their pair and otto is just left lonely, kind of seeming like he will continue to isolate himself even if he deflects with a joke about the crab sandwich

and i totally agree with you about otto being more of an artist than just a scientist! i think that’s very clear in how he talks to raz about his inventions being dreams and how all his machines are emotionally driven. i absolutely love the idea of him and helmet being besties and being able to talk to one another about their own respective passions :^))

#asks #I could talk about this guy forever despite him being the psychic 7 member with the least amount of content LOL #now that’s dedication #not art #i drew something based on the bit about otto and helmut which i will be posting directly after this!#psychonauts 2 #psychonauts 2 spoilers #otto mentallis

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ladysomething · 3 months ago

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You said you wanted to hear everyone's reactions to Chapter 17, so here I am, and wow. . . I can't say I'm surprised with where they've ended up? Especially with your warnings of rock bottom incoming, but man if I'm not still devastated for both of them.

People have been wanting more honesty from Max, but I feel like this chapter just proved exactly why he's been so unwilling to come clean to Charles. Yes, the confession was certainly too little too late, but Charles saw him unraveling and went for the throat anyway, throwing all of Max's feelings and insecurities back in his face— which I think he would have done in some way even if Max had been honest earlier because there was no way he'd just believe him. There really hasn't been an ounce of trust between these two since the beginning and it SHOWS 🥲

I feel like there can be so much virtue signaling in media these days and it can water down some narratives because it's easier to have it all be black and white and pick one character to be "good" and assign another as "bad", but you've managed to create two complex and, ultimately, flawed characters who are both of these things and so much more, and each completely sympathetic in their own right. Like even when it hasn't been "right", I still completely understand what lead them to make those choices.

I know we still have some time in the trenches ahead of us, but I am very much looking forward to seeing these idiots both realize how much they've wronged each other so they can start building something real! 👏🏼

ps Max saying "You lied to me, it's not nice is it?" should not have been as hot as it was. . . like I could SEE the angry, cocky head tilt 🤭

pps the whole scene with all the alphas smelling his heat was so tense, and then Max mentioning that he heard what the others wanted to do to him— Charles just really had no idea what horrors Max's crazy rules have been shielding him from 😭

LAST PART, I SWEAR! I'm still not exactly sure what I think happened with Kelly, but it was obviously something that was devastating to Max and given how emotionally stunted he is and how little genuine care Charles has shown toward him, I don't blame him for not opening up about that yet. He probably just didn't want to make himself vulnerable, but he clearly didn't realize how terrible Charles assumed him to be 🥲🙃

honestly ... If Max had sat down with Charles at the beginning, Charles wouldn't have had anything to throw back in his face, but he certainly would never have believed him. I doubt it would have changed Charles' actions at all, really. After all, there's a reason Max said:

Christian sighs, then puts his hand on Max’s shoulder and squeezes. “I know you think that doing all this is better than being honest,” he says. “But is it really what’s best for Charles?”

Max shakes Christian’s hand off his shoulder, standing up and pulling away from him.

“You don’t know Charles like I do,” he snaps, arm crossing tightly over his chest. “Trust me, he’ll think that the truth is worse than this.”

and thank you for the note about the characters. they are both incredibly complex, right and wrong in their own ways, good and bad in their own ways. they are products of their respective environments and desires, and personally exploring their morality is one of my favourite parts of this fic.

Max leaning against the car ..... tight white shirt ... sunglasses on .... getting the upper hand over Charles ................ if so toxic, why so hot??

#anon ask #where you go i go #wygig: max #wygig: charles #wygig: the great war

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lizzie-is-here · 2 years ago

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like the dawn

part xvii- dust and blood

“if you must die, i’ll envy even the earth that wraps your body” - albert camus

summary: you can’t stop thanos. now you have to deal with the consequences.

wordcount: 4k

warnings: cussing, violence, death (oops), angst (oops), breakdowns, unhealthy coping mechanisms, more violence, fluff if you squint

taglist: @whelvedfeelingsstuff @sebsgirl71479 @rebloggingmyrecs @babyblublossom @local-mr-frog @thenyxsky @capsiclesdoll @moonlightreader649 @saranghaey @almosttoopizza @itsprashimusic

a/n: tfw you forget ur writing a series and write a new piece in one night 🤭 anyway, i really like this bit so i hope y’all enjoy 🤍 i love y’all and i’m sorry it’s emotionally devastating also i literally am posting this from class

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As soon as the barrier around Wakanda opens, the entire army charges forward.

You take to the air in an instant, watching in disgust as the dog-like aliens pour from the gap. They’re concentrated right outside the border.

Charging up your powers, you slip through and cast down dozens of blasts on the horde. They shriek and wail in pain as you duck back inside the force field, shooting down the few that try to jump up at you.

They’re easy to kill. Hardly death fodder, if anything. But there’s thousands. And they keep coming.

One tackles Bucky to the ground before you swoop down, kicking it away and blowing it into bits.

“You need to be more careful,” you scold as you help him up. He spins a knife in the new vibranium arm, nodding.

“Yeah, yeah. Go tell Steve that.” He points to your partner, who’s standing in the middle of a river, fighting three aliens at once.

You start towards him, but a few quick punches from the blond kill them before you can even take a step.

“You know what? Never mind,” Bucky says. He stares a bit before smirking. “Violence looks good on him.”

“Hell yeah. Cathartic, even,” you respond. From the water, Steve feels your eyes on him.

He raises his arms. “Are you two gonna join us or just stare at me?” he shouts, before kicking another alien into the muddy banks.

Out of nowhere, a giant metal weapon flies through the air, smashing Rhodey to the ground. When the chain retracts, it returns to the hand of the larger, bulkier alien at the edge of the border.

More aliens swarm in, and you can barely keep them at bay. You don’t want to risk flying, not when that thing easily knocked a Stark-made suit from the sky.

It’s frantic dodging and firing, and the combination of Bucky’s machine gun, shouting from all sides, and the vicious growling of the creatures is overwhelming.

“There’s too many of them,” Bruce shouts over comms. You don’t even have room to breathe, let alone respond. Drawing back your bow, you fire an arrow down an alien’s throat.

“I know! But Shuri has to get the stone-“ You’re cut off by a light striking the ground. The resulting blast is as bright as your powers.

An ax flies from the stream, lighting trailing behind it. Thor.

When the glow fades, the god himself stands in the crater. Alongside… is that a tree and a raccoon? A raccoon with a gun?

“Oh, shit, I really am going crazy,” Bucky mumbles.

You blink a few times. “Then that makes two of us.”

A few yards away, the helmet of the Hulkbuster suit retracts. From the comically large suit, Bruce cackles. “You guys are so screwed now!”

Thor runs at the enemy lines, demanding Thanos as his newly forged weapon glows with power.

With the new arrival, the tide begins to turn. You fight your way to Steve as the aliens are distracted.

“Glad you could join me,” he snarks. You chuckle, shaking your head as you fire arrow after arrow.

“I only came over because you also need to be careful. I can’t kick alien ass and babysit you two.” He dodges an attack before sending the creature flying.

“I’m Captain America, (Y/N), I don’t need to be-“

The alien with the retractable hammer sends it flying towards the blond before you blast it away, searing with heat in the water.

You raise a brow at Steve. “Like I said. Careful.”

Bucky comes running towards the both of you. Right away, you go into alert mode.

“Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m fine.” He promises you and Steve. “Uh, the raccoon with the gun tried to buy my arm, but other than that…”

You all look at the small creature. It’s shouting obscenities as it crawls around.

“I’ve seen weirder,” Steve decides after a moment.

You make a disbelieving sound as you ready another arrow. “Are you sure?”

A low rumbling shakes the ground before he can joke back. Something’s moving, and fast. The ground bulges, and some sort of technical monstrosity tears out.

They’re like giant razors, rolling across the field and ripping up everything in their path. T’Challa calls for everyone to fall back, but you take to the sky instead. Even though the machines are taller than the trees, 70 years of training helps you find the weak spot.

Nimbly dodging the sharp edges, you fire a powerful beam of light into the center of the wheel, along the side where the engine is stored. Thanks to the radiating heat, the whole thing shuts down, crumbling apart and running into the ground.

But there are nine more, and you don’t have the energy to keep this up.

“Sam, Rhodey.” You call out to the other fliers. “Focus on the sides near the center, there’s some sort of engine there.”

They respond in the affirmative, and after a while, drive it back toward the enemy. It’s progress, but it’s too slow. People are dying.

Then you spot a glowing red blur.

Wanda’s powers cover the wheels, tossing them into the air before bringing them down atop the oncoming aliens. She smiles up at you, nodding in unspoken understanding.

She’s unstoppable, really. Whatever her powers are, they pack quite the punch. And it looks like you could almost win with her influence alone.

“Guys, we got a Vision situation here,” Sam says. Shit. He’s tackled out of the air as he heads toward the forest.

From the center of the fighting, Steve shouts, “Somebody get to Vision.”

“I will,” you call to him. It’s not like any of the ugly space dogs are jumping up to where you hover 200 feet in the air, and the alien generals are preoccupied with Wanda, Thor, and the rest of the group. Well, mainly Wanda and Thor.

You hear them before you see them. Bruce trails you as you spot the giant alien and a skinnier male. He’s carrying a scythe.

The scientist lands first and almost immediately starts duking it out with the larger one. So much for teamwork. You practically crash-land between the android and alien, light swirling around your hands.

“Back up,” you warn the wrinkled creature. “Or I’ll blast you back into space.”

He sneers at you, before spinning the weapon in his hands. Okay, not one for conversation, you think to yourself as he charges.

You block the strike by grabbing the pole and slamming your elbow in between the plates of his armor. Even as he crumples to the ground, he clings to the scythe.

You should’ve melted it when you had it in your grasp, because before you can block he leaps up and slices it across your leg. Flinging yourself away from him as you groan in pain, you watch as Vision rushes forward.

“C’mon, c’mon,” you wince, watching the skin stitch together. The cut was deep, and you’re already exhausted. “Kind of in an important situation right now.”

While you’re still down, the alien manages to stab Vision through the gut. You didn’t even think it was possible. One of the robot’s many abilities was to change his density, so if something was thrown at him, it could simply pass through without harm. But as you watched, you saw his body flickering, almost glitching.

“I thought you were formidable, machine,” the thing hisses. “But you’re dying, like any man.” He yanks the weapon from your friend’s body, and only then do you find the energy to blast him back on his insectoid ass.

When your leg is still healing, you stand shakily.

Hissing from the pain, you limp to the alien. He swings the scythe again, but you grab the hilt, kicking it from his hands.

You yank a knife from your belt, allowing yourself to fall back on instinct as you slash and stab. Even if you only manage to nick him a few times, it’s better than letting him close to Vision.

A downward slash here, a stab as he dodges, toss the knife to your other hand and go for the face.

Eventually, you get tired of attacking and he gets tired of dodging. The alien kicks you square in the ribs, knocking the air from your lungs as you fly back. Shit.

He looms over you, scythe in hand. You groan. It probably won’t kill you, even if he stabs all the way through your body. But it’s gonna hurt like a bitch.

Your savior comes in the form of Steve, in all of his spangly glory, knocking the alien off his feet.

“Get out of here!” he yells to you and Vision. “Go! Get to Bucky!”

Rather than doing as he says, you fire off a beam of light at the man, tag-teaming him as Vision struggles to get on his feet.

“I’m not leaving you,” you sternly say. “And I’m definitely not losing either of you dumbasses.”

Steve has the gall to laugh before the alien throws him over a log and chokes him. From behind the two, the android gestures to the scythe. It’s still on the ground.

You grab it as the two fight, tossing it to Vision.

He stabs it through the alien just as Steve starts choking. Raising the shish-kebabed creature before tossing him away, Vision almost collapses before Steve helps him up.

“I told you to go,” the latter chastises. Despite the gaping, glowing wound in his chest, Vision chuckles.

He repeats Steve’s quote from earlier. “We don’t trade lives, Captain.”

A loud boom sounds from behind your group. As soon as you raise glowing hands, Thor bursts through the tree line.

“Hrafn.” He calls you by a language that even you don’t recognize. “I need your help.”

Steve presses a kiss to your hand as you take off, soaring into the air after the god.

“There, target the seams,” he shouts over the howling wind. You can feel his powers crackle. They’re more erratic than yours or Wanda’s, but they’re also destructive. Perfect for blowing up alien ships.

You cast blasts at the tech, your precise attacks followed shortly by Thor’s lightning.

Then something changes in the air. You feel it in your bones. A deep unrest that stills you mid-air.

Your boys. You have to get to them.

Thor’s already gone by the time you drop from the sky. You want to shout for them, but if this feeling means what you think, you don’t want to draw in any attention.

You practically jump a foot in the air when Steve and Bucky appear from the brush behind you.

“Doll,” the latter gasps, hurrying towards you. He grabs your face in gentle hands as Steve joins the both of you.

Swallowing hard, your voice almost breaks when you speak again.

“Do you feel that?” you whisper. It’s haunting, and sends a cold chill up your boys’ spines. “It’s in the air, it’s…”

Steve raises a hand to his earpiece. “Everyone, on my position. We have incoming.”

It’s silent for a moment, then something appears in the woods. It almost hurts, the wave of energy that washes over you.

He’s there.

Thanos is as ugly as you imagined. He’s absurdly tall and purple. But more than anything else, he wears a gauntlet. And there are five stones in it.

He’s come for the last.

Steve expands the shield on his arm, sighing slow and long.

“Eyes up. Stay sharp.”

You stay further back, waiting and watching. Bruce is first to charge, but phases through the titan and lands halfway in a cliff.

Steve is thrown by a purple surge, so is T’Challa. Sam’s wings are deactivated and he crashes to the forest floor.

You run over to Wanda as Thanos fights the others.

“I’ll hold him off.” It’s too late to save Vision. “I’m sorry,” you say, gently squeezing her hand.

Rhodey goes down, so do Bucky, Okoye, and Nat. Plus the tree alien. But you’re not too worried about him.

You draw your bow, aimed on the titan as you pour all of your energy into a single arrow. Light pours from it, searing and burning. You loose it.

Thanos tries to block it, but it soars to its mark in his chest. He goes to rip it out, but you raise a hand and force the light deeper.

He’s groaning in pain now, clawing at his chest where the light is embedded. If you can just get close enough, you can get the gauntlet, or maybe the stones from it.

You creep forward, hand twisting every time he seems to push through the pain.

‘I can do it,’ you think. ‘The gauntlet is right there.’

The second you lay a hand on the golden glove, Thanos’s eyes shoot open. Through the pain and the literal burning hole in his chest, he grabs you and throws you away.

The force with which you slam onto the ground causes your head to fling back, hitting the ground with enough force to knock the average human out.

You blink hazily, gasping for air and words and your boys. If Thanos is going to win and you’re going to die, you want to spend your last moments with them. They’ll move on without you, you think.

A part of you wants them to move on. To remember you fondly and smile as they learn to live without you. But you’re too selfish. You never want them to live without you.

Turning your head to the side, you see Bucky a few feet away. You crawl to him, dragging yourself across the leaves.

“(Y/N)?” he whispers. He’s as dazed as you are.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me, Buck.” Slowly, he pulls you close, shielding both of your eyes from the titan. You don’t have enough energy to even stand, much less put up a fight.

And then the Mind Stone shatters. You feel it, and manage to raise your head to see. Vision’s body is gray, and Wanda is sobbing, but maybe it’ll keep Thanos from the last stone.

“He’s got the Time Stone,” Bucky mumbles. Your heart drops.

Just as he said, Vision is back in the blink of an eye. And Thanos crushes his skull as he pries the stone from his head.

If the energy upon his arrival was powerful, it grows stronger with all six stones. You tuck your head under Bucky’s chin, trying to fight off the headache.

From behind you, Thor strikes. You hear a blow connect, and a whisper of, “I told you… You’d die for that.”

The next words remove any hope you had.

“You should’ve gone for the head.”

Bucky barely manages to roll over to take the brunt of the explosion, holding you even closer. He doesn’t know where Steve is. He’s almost too scared to look up to find him, lest all he sees is his body.

Gentle hands give him a breath of relief.

Steve grabs the both of you, helping you sit up and Bucky to stand.

“Where’d he go?” the blond asks.

From beside you, Bucky feels something in his flesh hand. A tingle, like it’s asleep.

“Steve? (Y/N)?”

You want to scream. He’s dissolving, he’s fucking dissolving and you’ve healed bullet wounds and lacerations and bones completely out of their place but you can’t heal this.

All you can do is hug him as Steve does the same. You’re both crying now, pressing kisses to his lips before it’s too late.

“Please don’t go,” you whisper.

Bucky laughs, scared and quiet. “It’s all right, doll. You two take care of each other, and I’ll see you a long time from now. You’ll be okay.”

“Not without you,” Steve pleads. He can’t watch this. Not again.

Then there’s nothing. He’s gone.

No blood, no screams. Just… dust.

In the field, you see more soldiers turning to dust. They just vanish. Painlessly, at least.

Steve goes to reach you, comfort you and for you to comfort him. He needs to know you aren’t going to disappear too.

And you won’t. A part of him knows that.

But when his hand goes to pull you in it dissolves.

“No.” Your tone is final. You’re shaking and the tears are coming silently now. Grabbing his quickly disappearing arm, you push your powers to their limit. But there’s nothing to heal. There’s nothing to heal because there’s technically no injury. No illness.

You sob out in frustration, wishing for the first time that HYDRA had fucked you up even more if it would let you save at least one of the loves of your life.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve whispers, kissing your forehead. You’re going to be alone again. You’re going to watch both of them die and it breaks him knowing that it’ll break you. “I’m sorry sweetheart, you don’t deserve this.”

Your knees buckle under you and he’s not there to catch you.

Neither of them are.

You cradle your arms to your chest, and curl in on yourself. Your forehead rests on the dust, but you can't bring yourself to gather the remains.

The last time you lost Steve and Bucky, there was still a sliver of hope. But you just watched them both slip through your fingers.

They’re gone.

———————————————————————

None of the surviving Avengers have it in them to pull you away from the dust-covered ground, not when you’re screaming and sobbing hours later.

After the crying, you go silent.

It’s late at night when Natasha comes to check on you.

Your eyes are bloodshot and puffy, your hair is messy from where you’ve grabbed at it, and there’s marks on your hands where you dug your nails in.

She sits next to you without saying anything. Instead, she puts an arm around your shoulder, and lets you lean on her. Your grief is palpable.

As smart as Natasha Romanoff is, she’s slightly lacking in the healthy coping mechanisms department. So she proposes the exact thing that will get you out of this goddamned field.

“Thanos is still out there.”

It’s all she has to say.

“I’m going to kill him. And it’s not going to be quick,” you respond. Your voice is hoarse and level but tired all the same.

She nods. “Once we find him, he’s all yours.”

———————————————————————

You wish you could say that you were excited when Tony came home alive. However, the weeks were blurring together and everything was washed in an all-consuming grief and frustration.

When Tony came off the plane and saw you alone, he knew in an instant.

He knew better than to wish you well, or give you condolences. All of the thoughts and prayers in the world can’t bring back a loved one. Tony knows that more than most.

And the day later, the surviving heroes gather. There’s a new girl, Carol Danvers, another alien that knows the raccoon. You try to be polite, but you can’t. You’re too drained, too tired.

And honestly, you’re angry above everything else. You’re tired of being so fucking sad. You hate how much of your life you’ve spent grieving, and how every time you get something, it’s ripped away in the cruelest way possible.

You’ve lost the ability to distinguish anger and sadness. The ache hurts just the same. Burning.

“It’s been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth.” You look up at Rhodey’s voice, and immediately wish you hadn’t.

You’re met with a picture of Bucky. An ID.

James Barnes. When it flashes away, Steve Rogers takes his place.

You swipe the screen away.

Natasha doesn’t mention it. “World governments are in pieces.The parts that are still working… are trying to take a census and it looks like he did… He did exactly what he said he was gonna do.”

“Thanos wiped out… 50% of all living creatures,” she finishes.

“Where is he now?” Tony asks before you can.

Rhodey shrugs. “We don’t know. He just opened a portal and walked through.”

The genius rolls forward a bit in his wheelchair, pointing to Thor.

“What’s up with him?”

“Oh, he’s pissed,” the raccoon, who’s name you’ve come to know as Rocket, sighs. “He thinks he failed.”

“And he didn’t?” you spit. You know you’ll regret blaming him later. It’s not his fault any more than yours. But now, you just need a reason that you’re alone again.

“No, he definitely did. But there’s a lot of that going around, ain’t there?”

“Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear.”

You listen to them argue back and forth, tensions rising, flinching as Tony rips out the IV and starts yelling.

“Listen!” you snap. “All I want, is to know where Thanos went.” Your voice starts shaking again, but shit, you aren’t going to start crying. Because if you start, you won’t stop.

“I- I just need to know where he went so I can do what I do best, and… And you’ll never have to deal with me again.”

No one wants to ask what you mean by that.

Nebula, a blue cybernetic alien, speaks up.

“I can tell you where Thanos is.”

———————————————————————

Before loading onto the ship and heading to the planet the titan was on, you dug through an old bin.

Some more of yours and… Bucky’s equipment had been recovered from Siberia a while back. And in your box there was a weapon.

HYDRA had tried to train you with the scythe, with a blade far larger than the one carried by the alien a few weeks ago. It didn’t go well. A scythe really isn’t meant for constant combat. It’s a tool for execution. That’s why you were HYDRA’s scythe.

It’ll work perfectly.

The group climbs on the ship, and jets off. At any other time, you’d be in awe of the vastness of space. Now… you squeeze your eyes shut before you think too much.

Carol flies back up from where she went to scout. “There’s no ships, no armies, no recon. It’s just him.”

The planet is gorgeous. Even through all of your cynicism, you can’t deny that.

Even so, your eyes are set on the cabin in the distance. You split up and arrive last, scythe at your side and your eyes set on the titan.

He’s well restrained. Danvers had him in a chokehold, Bruce has one shoulder in the grasp of the Hulkbuster suit, Rhodey has the other arm, and Thor’s chopped off the hand with the gauntlet.

Rocket turns over the severed hand, and it’s empty.

“Where are they?” you ask Thanos.

Carol tightens her grip. “You heard her. Answer the question.”

“The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose… beyond temptation.”

“You murdered trillions!” Bruce yells, shoving him back.

“You should be grateful.”

Natasha speaks when you can’t. “Where are the stones?”

Thanos gasps from where he’s been punched to the floor. “Gone. Reduced to atoms.”

“You used them two days ago!”

“I used the stones to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me.”

You laugh. “You’re gonna wish it had.” You tuck the scythe into the holder in your back and kick Thanos further into the hut.

There’s so many things you could do. You’ve inflicted horrific tortures on people, and this one is the most deserving. You could grow new bones, you could puncture his lungs or rip apart his organs. You could-

“(Y/N)?” Bruce asks. He moves the suit in front of you, but the look in your eyes will haunt him for years. He hasn’t known you long, but the violence you’re about to inflict scares him.

“Move.” When you go to step around, Rhodey and Nat pull you back. “Let me go!” you shout. Carol charges up her powers, but you shove them all away with a harmless wave of light.

“I am inevitable,” Thanos says. You smirk, cold and unfamiliar.

“So am I.”

You don’t even know what you’ve done until you sink the blade down the middle of his skull.

The body is covered in deep cuts and burns, boiling across the skin and melting the muscles and organs that are visible.

There’s blood. There’s so much blood.

As you step back, Thor takes the head off the corpse in one swing of his ax. The two of you start walking out, intent on leaving and never looking back. The god had promised to drop you off at an old safehouse before disappearing. He was as broken as you were now.

“What did you do?” Rocket whispers in horror. You pause, swallowing down the mix of guilt, regret, and so much grief.

“I avenged.”

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howtobecomeadragon · 1 year ago

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hello!! this is perexcri because tumblr is dumb and doesn't let sideblogs send asks :) anyway!! for the book asks: 32, 38, 103, 129, and also 71!! i need some good lgtbq+ book recs and am always open to suggestions :] 💜💜💜

hello hello!!!! :)

32: your favorite nonfiction novel

i don’t read much nonfiction, but of what i’ve read, Know My Name by Chanel Miller stands out from the rest. not only was it really emotionally impactful, but also really informative about the criminal justice system (and its many failures to protect victims of sa). very very heavy though, and look into trigger warnings going into it!

38: your favorite series

this is a very hard question. i can’t… i can’t narrow it down. i’ll share a few.

Inkheart: a childhood favorite that i still revisit often. characters come out of books. it’s magical :)

Six of Crows: this duology is so popular for a reason. they’re just amazing. amazing plot, characters that will stick with you forever, and every romance is perfect (there is a queer relationship in here!). there is scheming, heists, magic, found family, revenge.

In the Woods (Dublin Murder Squad): i’ve only read two of these so far, but they’re detective books! they really pull you in and make you feel disoriented in the best way. they just totally transport you somewhere else.

The Foxhole Court (All for the Game): it feels insane and ridiculous to include this book on this list, but this book series was all i thought about for a week as i read them, and i still think about them all the time, three years later??? they’re ridiculous, it’s about a made up sport and the mafia, it’s so outside of what i usually read, and yet i was captivated. and i’m not alone, there’s like a very small dedicated following to the series, it’s like a little cult classic. it’s self-published so they’re not extremely polished, but it’s not too bad at all. i got them all as ebooks for like $5, but i loved them so much, i bought them all in print too. a bunch of crazy stuff happens, definitely check tw if needed! there’s also an extreeeeeemely slow burn queer romance in here, but like, it’s slooow.

103: a book that deals with heavy topics

Neverworld Wake is one of my favorites. it’s kind of like dealing with grief in a limbo time loop.

Sadie was a devastating book, about big sister’s love for her little sister, and made me sob. check out trigger warnings as needed!

also, i don’t own this one, but My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell. this book isn’t for everyone, but it’s an exploration of csa and grooming from a teacher, with flashes forward to the narrator’s experience confronting what she thought to know to be true about that relationship within a 2017 context when that teacher has been accused of abuse. check out trigger warnings as needed.

129: a book with beautiful prose

The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender. beautiful but definitely check out trigger warnings!

71: your favorite LGBTQ+ fiction

i’m going to give you lots of recs bc it seems like you want a lot, and i have read a lot :)

In Other Lands: one of my favorite books of all time. silly YA fantasy, bi mc, amazing characters that stick with you.

Red, White & Royal Blue: goofy little son of the president x prince of england romance

Autoboyography: kinda insta-lovey, but explores a lot of IH and religious homophobia (love interest is mormon)

Charm Offensive: it’s like the BACHELOR, but he’s ANXIOUS, and he doesn’t fall for any of the CONTESTANTS, but rather a GUY CREW MEMBER with DEPRESSION. 5/5, amazing.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe: a classic!!! a couple teens figuring things out.

A Dowry of Blood: not my favorite, but it’s Dracula and his brides, it’s queer and poly.

Song of Achilles: a classic!!!! the fall of troy and everything that came before that.

Wolfsong: it’s a whole series about gay werewolves. what more can you ask for??

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue: not my favorite, but fun. an adventure!!!

Every Heart a Doorway: first in a series of novellas, so much great rep. people find doors to other worlds that they slip into, but the story picks up once they’re back and homesick.

I’ll Give You the Sun: one of those like… early queer books that i read before i knew i was queer, but it made me feel so much at the time. permanently imprinted in my brain.

Fence: there are graphic novels, and then a couple novels. it’s fencing at a boarding school, and everyone is so so so gay. the novels are hilarious too, written by the same author as In Other Lands.

some books that i don’t own and didn’t love, but were pretty good: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales, Perfect on Paper by Sophie Gonzales (explores biphobia and attachment styles, which was really interesting!), History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera (oh my GOD this book made me sob, it’s so much heavy grief), She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen (fake dating), Her Name in the Sky by Kelly Quindlen (wlw but a lot of IH and religious homophobia)

i’ve read more that were just so-so, and have a ton of unread queer books, so if you want more ideas, let me know! i have a lot more i can give you, just without my personal stamp of approval :)

book rec asks here!

#ask #book rec ask game

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zukaheart · 11 months ago

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ID: A thread of tweets made by Melon Kid (@animegirlcrimes). The thread reads:

"fuck it whatever ill just air out my grievances now i dont feel like carrying this shit anymore

i joined the omori team in 2019, i remember being invested in production right away because getting paid to do dev work on a game i like is basically my dream

(1/whatever)

i went kinda crazy on it, i worked harder than i ever have in my life. i did not spend a second on the clock even slightly dicking around, i would regularly work like 12-18+ hour shifts just because i wanted to

people would leave for the day, come back in the morning and see me still working. by some divine miracle i somehow kept that up for like a half a year. i felt totally fine the whole time. i was flying bro

my smarter friend sensed something was wrong and tried to pull me away from work but omo resisted because at that time i was like her golden workhorse. anyway, fast forward to the 6 months later and i crash and burn out of nowhere i am straight debilitated

a lot of that was my own doing, of course, im under no illusion about that. but when it happened, omo suddenly started treating me like garbage. she didn't believe me, said i 'just didnt want to work anymore' and demanded a doctors note and i was like are you fucking serious

she would guilt me into keep working as hard as i did before despite the blatant toll on my body and say she expected better of me and would constantly downplay my illness

i felt miserable physically and emotionally, she made me feel even worse about it. and its like, this feels really shitty but fine it is what it is.

forward again to release, im really excited about the launch of the game. i put so much energy and emotional investment into this project, the thing i love the most about dev is seeing the game release and watching people play and enjoy the game

right before the game launches omo pulls the rug from under me and suddenly comes out to say she's taking back the royalties she promised earlier in the year. it soured the entire fucking launch. i couldnt even enjoy the one thing i spent a year working on and looking forward to

she goes on to say she put my royalties to a vote and said 'i thought you deserved it, but everyone else voted no :(' what kind of manipulative bullshit is that excuse me

first of all you are my boss, you know best what i contributed to the project, second you are a millionaire and i am fucking poor is this a game to you, third youre gonna throw the whole staff under the bus too? what the fuck is this

the worst thing is, i know someone who was fucked over by omo WAY MORE than i was. i wont name them (at their request), but i got like... basically the lite version of her fuckery and even THAT was personally devastating to me

i actually made a post like this shortly after omori released, but the entire team banded together voltron style and begged me to take it down and because im fucking weak i did

im STILL fucked up by the burnout i gave myself. im sore all the goddamn time, it didn't use to be like that. sure, my fault. i own it. but to treat me like shit and act like im just lazy? actually fuck yourself

i actually made a post like this shortly after omori released, but the entire team banded together voltron style and begged me to take it down and because im fucking weak i did

oh, AND i dont show up as a member of the dev team on either their game website OR on wikipedia even though i show up in the actual game credits like 3 different fucking times?

thats interesting i wonder what thats all about

some other grievances: it was my suggestion to implement the survive at 1 HP mechanic for omori cause i could already tell players would get annoyed if they lost because he got mobbed by rng. wouldnt you know it, this also shaped the final battle to be as impactful as it is! wow!

the omoli character in blackspace was a thing that i pitched to omo and whose dialogue i wrote, it made me unreasonably annoyed to then see that character get used in promotional material for the game

you know that (in)famous aubrey school fight sequence? THAT WAS ALL ME BABEY. the base concept from omo was 'theres a bunch of aubreys because sunny has a crush' and i cooked up the scenario you see now and evented that whole sequence

(trying really hard to think of a game whose moral involves the guilt of hiding the truth of something wrong you did)

(and also explores the concept of being stressed out for being treated poorly despite working so hard for them)"

One of the developers of Omori recently shared their experiences in this thread about the treatment they had to go through during the development of the game. They're going through a rough patch at the moment. If you liked Omori, I think you should help Melon Kid out if you can!!

It's disheartening to hear that someone on a team was mistreated. Games are a beautiful medium, but the people who make those games come first. We've all got to work hard to ensure better environments for devs, and that starts with making sure they can get back on their feet!

#omori #omocat #long post #edit: just saw someone else made a transcipt. i think im just gonna keep this up anyway

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nobutfredweasleytho · 3 years ago

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YOU JUST DON’T LISTEN(F.W)

Summary: Fred’s ex girlfriend writes him a letter to explain the how him using her wrecked her emotionally.

Warnings: angst, like a lot of angst, depressed Y/N, mentions of self doubt, a little swearing, mentions of parents not loving correctly, used reader. Let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: Major thank you to Gabriella @onlyfreds for being an amazing person and encouraging me to write whatever this mess is. I am forever grateful to you

(The font is terrible Im sorry im just getting used to working on tumblr)

Fred Weasley checked the muggle clock on his nightstand. 10:30 AM. His mom will call him for breakfast anytime now. He has been awake for quite some time if he can even count the 30 minutes he tried to sleep but couldn’t, not when every time he tries to close his eyes his mind and eventually dreams are clouded by her. By the last time he looked at her, how devastated she looked, How her face was wet from her tears and her eyes bloodshot red, but the thing Fred will never be able to forget is her voice. How raw and vulnerable she sounded while saying the most horrible thing’s anyone has ever said to him, but he can’t blame her, he has no one to blame but himself because in the end it was he who caused all of this and now its come to bite him in the ass. He hears the door open and his twin brother George enters.

“Mom says breakfast is ready and she wants you downstairs. She says she’ll drag you herself if you don’t show up again today.”

“Tell her I’m not hungry and I’ll come grab a bite later.” I really don’t feel like being surrounded by other people right now. Not in this pathetic state I’m in. Besides it will take me willpower I don’t have to not hex Ron into oblivion.

“Well she will not take no for an answer and I wont either. What’s done is done now and you’ll have to face the world someday so start with your own family because everyone down there is worried sick about you and the least you can do is show your face once in a while so they know you haven’t died of starvation or sleep deprivation.” George has worry written all over him and I’m sure the rest of the family has it too. I feel even more like shit for worrying them.

“Fine. But I come back here if she is mentioned are we clear?”

“We weren’t gonna mention Y/N anyway now lets go moms worried sick for your dumbass.”

Breakfast was going smoothly with Ginny and Ron being exited for Quidditch season, Harry and Bill discussing the unfortunate events of the Triwizard tournament last year, dad asking Hermione about a rubber duck whatever that is, but the most shocking thing is mom asking me and George about the joke shop products. George is doing most of the talking but still the fact that shes even asking is awesome. I was finally feeling peaceful this whole winter break until I heard a hoot outside the window.

“I thought it was Tuesday but since mail is here does it mean its Friday already? Oh how fast time is going.

“No Arthur honey you are right it is Tuesday, Bill or George can one of you see if that owl has the owners name attached to it and bring whatever letter he has here to see who is it for.”

Bill got up from his seat and went to the window next to the countertop to look at the mystery owl. “Do we even know a Y/N Y/L/N?”

The room went quiet. The only thing that could be heard was the owls hoot asking for its treat. Bill seemed not to realise this as he took the letter from the owl, gave him a treat and sent it on its way.

“To Fred Weasley from Y/N Y/L/N… Who’s Y/N is she the girl you’ve been crying over this whole time huh Freddie?” Bill chuckled but I just grabbed the letter. I had no time to even be mad at him because once again my mind fogs up with only her. I couldn’t help but feel relieved and the happiest I felt in a long time. She has forgiven me. Y/N forgave me. That has to be it. Why else would she send me a letter?

“I had a great time with you guys but there’s important matters for me to attend so I have to go to now. Thanks mom the breakfast was amazing as always.” And with that I sprinted towards my room, locked the door and examined the letter in my hands. It was a bunch of them in here. I went to mine and George’s worktable threw some papers that were on top of it to make room for these letters and carefully opened the envelope.

The first thing that I grabbed was a photo. It was a polaroid of me and Y/N on the Gryffindor common room. Happiness filled my heart when I started remembering this night. I looked at the back of the polaroid and surely enough there was a writing on it.

Fred and Yn on the Gryffindor common room at 1 AM the night she turned 17. Listening to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”. Picture taken by major 3rd wheel George Weasley.

Tears filled my eyes when I remember this night. It was the night I looked at her the way I always should have. Not as a replacement of someone who didn’t care about me.

The next one was also a polaroid photograph but this one I don’t remember being taken. It’s a picture of Y/N teaching me how to play the guitar. I can make up that we are in her dorm but not more as the picture is taken in black and white. I look at the back and surely this one also has a writing on it but the handwriting doesn’t look familiar at all.

A drunken Y/N accompanied by a even drunker Fred trying to play the guitar in the middle of the night. If I fail my charms exam tomorrow I’m killing you both but right now you two look adorable. Picture taken by Cho Chang.

The third one is an actual letter. I chuckle looking at the handwriting. Always so precise and not even one line out of place. I always thought Y/Ns handwriting always contradicts her hot headed persona but it’s actually really cute. I start reading the letter and my heart stops.

Dear Freddie,

I can only imagine the shock that receiving a letter from me would cause you right now especially after our last conversation.

But I have a lot to get off of my chest and I wont be able to move on if I haven’t said it all. Call me a coward but I was really scared to ask you to meet me so I can say it in person, but maybe that’s what I have always been. A coward. A coward because I get scared when someone wants to enter my life, a coward because I hate trying new things at the expense of failing, a coward because I should be able to confront people who brought darkness and sadness to my life.

But one thing I will admit Fred Weasley is that I wasn’t a coward when It came to loving you. It was the first time that I let someone come into my life and heart the way you did, and it will probably be the last. Throughout our “relationship” if you can even call it that as it was more of you customizing me to be her, to be someone I’m not. But that’s why you even talked to me is it, because I reminded you of her.

The signs were right in front of me and I feel stupid enough not to have seen them. But I guess people are right when they say love is blind. Love is such a funny thing to me as the first time I experienced the right kind of love was through you. But that was me creating stuff in my head. You didn’t love me no, you loved the idea of me. But I loved you. I loved you more than anything or anyone I have ever loved, I loved everything about you. But you just don’t listen. You don’t listen to anyone around you. Not George, not your other siblings, not Lee or any of your other friends for that matter, not your professors, but most importantly you don’t listen to me.

You didn’t listen when I told you that the love my parents gave me was only because I reminded them of my brother, the love my old friends back home gave me was one of interest. Everywhere I go no matter who I talk to no one will love me for me. I came to accept that until I met you.

You were funny and crazy and brave and oh so gorgeous. You were basically everything I looked for in… well everything. In a friend or in a partner it doesn’t matter. I thought you saw me for who I am. A broken teenager with issues but that at the end of the day was deserving of love. Oh how wrong I have been but no more wrong than you. You knew this but you just didn’t listen.

That makes us both horrible people now does it. Me who thought you were some kind of savior or some kind of saint and selfishly wrapped myself around your love and you who used me because I remind you of your ex girlfriend who broke your heart. But mine is excused I feel like and yours isn’t.

You would have kept me going for who knows how long just so you can live your imaginations you had for someone else.

Did you think about her the first time we slept together?

Was I not enough for you Freddie?

Was I too clingy too soon?

Is it my hot temper that gets the best of me?

So many questions will be left unanswered on my end because frankly, I never want to speak of you again. Sure I am deprived of love but I will not take it if its not directed directly at me.

I still care about you and will continue to support you and George on whatever you set your mind into. I was waking through Diagon Alley last week and saw this little store with a “for sale” sign. It’s right in the middle of Diagon Alley. I hate how my first thought went that you would have loved it but I seem to do that a lot recently.

I’ll get dressed and think would Fred love this skirt or this shirt.

I start applying lipstick and I’ll think will Fred love this color.

I start eating and I’ll think does this look good enough that Fred would’ve stolen a piece of it when I’m talking to Ginny.

I don’t even know why I am telling you this. How pathetic I’ve become clinging into someone that doesn’t want me.

Anyway I’ve probably bored you enough with my ranting but I wouldn’t have been able to move on unless I said everything that felt heavy on my heart. I also attached some photos I thought you’d like to keep seeing as now you can see yourself with Kayla without having the burden to be near me.

Say hi to your siblings and Harry for me.

Have a nice life,

Y/N

#harry potter #fred x y/n #fred weasley series #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley #fred weasley angst #george weasley #hogwarts #fred and goerge weasley #weasley family #sadnees #i hate this

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ephemerlskies · 4 years ago

Text

constant craving | jjk

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader

⇢ genre: drabble series, angst, unrequited love, idiot!jungkook, idiot!oc, basically everyone's an idiot

⇢ word count: 1.7k

⇢ warnings: unreciprocated pining, explicit language, themes of hopeless romanticism (!!), (slightly) unedited

⇢ summary: your best friend decided to confide in his best friend on how to win his girlfriend back after a fight. you tell him exactly what to say to her, however he is unaware that what you were saying was a sincere delivery of your once undeclared love.

♪ playlist: constant craving - k.d. lang, bad religion - frank ocean, misunderstood - lucky daye, neu roses - daniel caesar ♪

╰ series index: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)

a/n: hello my little loves!! this was definitely ;) not ;) an impulse write and release ;) ;) sorry for being so inactive lately. i've been focusing on myself (i know how cliche that sounds but it's true). anyway, enjoy this incredibly angsts fic i wrote at 2 am for absolutely no reason at all other than i'm an emotional sadist and a masochist. love u!!!! <3

part one: control

He was coming over for the third time this week. Third time. Three times is two more times than he'd gone over his girlfriend's house, but you did everything in your power to convince your inconvincible heart that it meant nothing. Friends see each other more than their girlfriends, right?

It was making a racket in your chest, that muscle that strained much harder for a man who had his pumping for the girl of his dreams.

But, he was coming over for the third time this week.

The first time he said this visit ranked, in his words, 'out of the question' on the degree of necessary that he come over and show you Star Wars. You played a good game of reluctance when asking if it was the entire series or just one movie, and in your head, you hoped to God it was the entire series. For him, you'd watch the series four times over if it meant you sat through this outrageously nerdy movie next to the even more outrageously nerdy love of your life.

The second time was particularly funny to you. He called while you were cooking dinner, almost as if he was in stride with you in a way that was an ounce too synchronized to be platonic, and asked if you were whipping up a delicious meal that he could mooch off of. Knowing he was a terrible cook, plus the fact that when he begged so politely you felt your posture unbind into to a puddle, you more than happily obliged.

This time, the circumstances made it harder to say yes, but not yet impossible. And it was a second or two before you heard that knock on the front door that had your once pounding heart come to a complete halt. It was still, waiting for you to make a decision.

Since it was Jungkook, of course, you'd say yes. And your heart would continue beating. Beating, as in sending sharp jabs that stained the inside of your chest with bruises. Beating, as in when the time came, the final blow of your constantly craving heart would devastate your entire being.

"Thank you so much, ___. God, I'm such an idiot." He walked in with all the confidence of someone who was a bit too familiar with your company. Jungkook's feet reintroducing themselves to your floors in the same manner as he would the night before, and the night before that, and the countless nights you kept secured in your collection of memories. As if he belonged there; as if he was coming home.

"An idiot with a great friend." That last word nearly withdrew the bile you had been ever so gracefully holding in.

"Yeah yeah." And he was comfortable with that same word, 'friend', that deepened your bruises into scars. He had absolutely no clue. Idiot. "I can't believe I broke up with her. I was so angry and acted on that instead of logic. Fuck, why would I do that to myself? I love her."

"Well, you never know. Maybe..." You hated yourself for not resisting the selfish temptation that was about to fall from your lips. The words you've been internally screaming to him to leave her and fall in love with you instead were diluted to something much more tame when your tongue formed them into sound.

"Maybe it was for the best. Maybe you guys are better off apart? To, um, grow or whatever."

"No." He said that with too much certainty and too little hesitance and just enough conviction to sink another wound in the organ exhausting itself in your chest. "She's the one. I know it"

"Jungkook."

He looked at you with all the earnestness of a man who carved his utmost and unchanging dedication to her. A look that any love-induced sap would kill for. A look he would never direct towards you.

Your eyes weren't under your control as of now. The glue that held them to his eyes, his lips, his hair, and every other part of him you dreamed of was more than a marathoned yearning. It was an adhesive twelve years in the making, not showing the slightest sign of wearing away.

"The way you love is something to die for..." And then he smiled at you, but still not for you.

You were utterly crushed.

"She'll take you back in a heartbeat. I mean, she has a brain, so of course, she will. Anyone would."

I would.

"I hope you're right." The couch was four feet wide at most, but there was an impressively vast space between you and the man who was sitting next to you. "Can you tell me what to say? You know I suck with words."

"Uh... Yeah. Of course. Anything."

If breaking hearts were a crime, then Jungkook would have much to atone for. You'd be convicted as a willing accomplice for holding on this long. Up until this point, you've let every small glance, every shy smile he sent your way, every eyebrow twitch conveying a meaning only you knew well enough to retrieve him from whatever awkward situation he needed rescuing from, every accidentally brush of his hand against yours, every purposeful embrace that lasted so long your tears stained his right shoulder string you into a knot of miserable, unrequited love.

And up until this point, you had hope he would choose you.

Each ring of his phone worked in tandem to reduce your undying devotion to Jungkook into a compressed seed of denial.

I don't love him. He's just my best friend.

Your pulse pronounced itself loudly in your ears, as a not-so-gentle reminder of how much you hated him for loving him. Somehow, your heart beat faster. Then again, anything was possible when it came to him. Anything except the miraculous event of him hanging up, declaring his love for you, and living in the land of happily ever after that only existed in your deluded imagination.

"Hey Irene! I'm so fucking glad you picked up."

He gave you that look. With the arched eyebrow, his widened doe eyes, and the slightly hung jaw, you read each feature better than words and nodded to signal you knew exactly what he needed.

"I'm sorry about what happened." You said, in a whisper, though the deflated volume of your words carried no implication of the unbridled sincerity sealed in them.

"I'm sorry about what happened." He repeated, laying down that same Irene-contrived smile on you that fostered a smile of your own, knowing fully it surfaced as a reflex from hearing her voice.

"It might be crazy to try this, because I don't know how you feel."

If the thing people say about your life flashing before your eyes during encounters with death, then you were sure your heart was about to consume its last pulse of blood. The scenes of you and Jungkook spending your Friday nights when you were a ripe city dweller in your shoebox apartment doing everything and nothing at all had convinced you that you were certainly about to go into cardiac arrest.

"It might be crazy to say this, because I don't know how you feel." Jungkook was so many things, however emotionally perceptive was not one of them.

"But I love you. I have loved you since the moment I met you." Those words tasted sweet despite fermenting in a chamber of your heart you kept preserved since, as you said, the very moment you met him.

"But I love you. I have loved you since the moment I met you."

"No matter what, I'd choose you. It doesn't matter how mad I am or how annoyed I am, I will choose you because if I know anything in this damn, cruel, punishing world, then I know that I'd rather be angry, annoyed, or anything else with you than without you."

He repeated your words, but dehydrated all of your sentiment from them. You were left with the remnants of the feelings, and none of the words from him you were so desperately starved of. He took them right from your throat, along with the very breath that seemed to keep returning because of Jungkook, molded them into his own, into a sequence of sounds that were meant for Irene. You were left hungry, breathless, and forever wanting.

Irene must have been smiling right about now. Who wouldn't smile hearing those things from someone like Jungkook?

"Because with you, I'm complete. My story can't end if I'm incomplete. Please, choose me back. Complete me. That's all I ask."

Then, you began to ask yourself another question.

If you make me complete, Jungkook, will my story ever end?

You knew the answer to that. You swore your heart beat in a morse code that told you everything you needed to know.

"Because with you, I'm complete. My story can't end if I'm incomplete. Please, choose me back. Complete me. That's all I ask."

Jungkook looked to you, before Irene could form the proper response, and smiled. It was the third time he smiled at you today because of course, you were keeping track. You knew it was his own physically linguistic version of a 'thank you' or a 'you're a life saver' but somehow, to you, it translated to something similar to a 'goodbye'.

Your legs miraculously rose and carried you to the back porch. The sun was just beginning to dip in the horizon, proliferating a warm orange that was about to subside to an indistinguishable and unpredictable dusk. Whatever color came after the sunset, you were ready to accept it, to memorize how it reflected against a world without the possibility of him. And even though the night will always embody undertones of orange, it was time to focus on the colors around it.

It was time to let go.

a/n: i might make this into a drabble series!!! if anyone would be interested in that please let me know :)) thank you for readinggggg <3

#bangtanarmynet #btsgoldnet #ficswithluv #bts fanfic #bts angst #bts writing #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #bts drabble #jungkook drabble #jungkook #constant craving #rubycoast

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awsugar · 3 years ago

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Frank is like… on the outside, appears to be normal Jersey dad. But his music rips apart your soul and throws it to the ground. His mind is so significant, it’s like the greatest example of how complex humans are……….. I’m having a moment rn. 😵‍💫 And this realization has been made so many times but just…. 😩

im just assuming both of these are you bc i got them in the same short time frame

i have to say im not positive that i think frank looks like your average new jersey father. if they all appear like that. "on the outside". i think i am going to move.

anyway yea i think frank is so underrated tbh. like not in the way that im going to play his music for people at work when we're doing prep in the morning but i dont think theyd appreciate it for a number of reasons. but like in the way that now that the mcr fandom has dwindled and frank isnt doing solo stuff actively, the group of loud frank iero appreciaters has also dwindled. and i feel like i know a lot of hardcore mcr fans who just dont listen to his music or at least check it out which again im not saying its nearly as good as mcr but i still love it and his lyrics hit like a ton of fucking bricks and he's genuinely so talented....his mind is so significant you're right. like it kind of blows my mind that frank is so talented like at writing lyrics but also like at writing prose? i mean if you want to call ft willz saboi moments prose sFGJHSGF. but also he's a photographer and he's obviously not a trained artist like gerard but he can and DOES draw/paint much better than i ever could (still needing to go crazy over the ap self portrait here) and he's just so creative. on top of the fact that he's a great guitar player and wrote so many killers and integral parts in mcr songs. like i know i know i have fids thats what i thought you were gonna say you stupid fucking horse. but i do feel like he flies under the radar in terms of ppl realizing his talents.

i realize you're talking about his lyrics so yea. his lyrics. i was listening to sewerwolf today and reading along with the lyrics bc spotify gives them to you now and i was like wow yea he DOES have a way with words. he's not just some guitar player whos band broke up so he decided to try out the solo thing like he's an incredible writer and i find his lyrics to be more hard-hitting like. personally and emotionally than gerard's for the most part. which again i love mcr so much more than frank solo even though hes one of my top listened to artists. but gerard's lyrics as i have said on this blog like 239 times are a different style and yes they're incredible and i love them and 'juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands romeo' makes me go fucking crazy bonkers and i want it tattooed on my brain but that isnt like. emotionally devastating to me the way that a lot of what frank writes is.

i just said so much and you sent this last night so you might not see it and if you do see it you might think im insane for going on and on but yea. his mind is so significant ugh.

#anonymous #answered #frank iero

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lostinwoods · 3 years ago

Text

A different take on SessKag relationship or why it would be more realistic than InuKag.

Let me begin with

Sesshomaru's and Kagome's past and how they are similar.

Sesshomaru had always been a very sentimental and emotionally receptive being. He had loved and cherished his dad the most. Loving and competing with him, wanting to surpass him, desiring recognition and acceptance so much so that his entire world revolved around his father. He did not want the swords because they were powerful or the bs about supreme conquest. What is that shit? Sesshomaru never needed that. The swords, especially Tessaiga was the most important acceptance to Sess. I will get back to this later.

Now Kagome. This kid was born and then we never saw her dad even when she was a kid. Another classic case of growing without a dad? Perhaps. But I feel her grandpa filled her missing dad's place. That is why the kid grew up in a lovely household, filled with love and peace and made Kagome what she was later on, a selfless girl who wants to love and protect her friends. Because that is what she learnt. Her grandpa, mom, everyone and her own family dynamics taught her how important it was to cherish the ones she loved.

What they initially thought of Inuyasha in their life

Now back to Sess. When his dad died, he dies saving Izayoi. What is the thing he feels at the time I wondered. Surely devastated? Yes, but even worse. His most important person, his goal, the thing his life revolved around was gone. And for what? To protect a weak, useless bitch like Izayoi? Here is a thing, he never knew Izayoi but knew the hut had collapsed on his dad when Izayoi had escaped. What can a teen feel when they hear such a thing? 'That useless bitch, ran away when my dad was in danger and cost him his life. Fuck that bitch and that kid they made. Useless, all humans are useless and weak.' This was really where his hatred came from. Probably.

Kagome on the other hand from the beginning was shown as a selfless kid, who loved both humans and demons alike. Reason? She had never lived in the feudal era. She was a kid grown in a society where everyone is placed on a equal pedestal. How would she, a modern kid understand the bad blood between demons and humans? If she were ever born in Feudal Japan, would things have changed? Maybe. Then she falls into a world where nothing was similar to where she was from. She was frightened, unsure and confused. And then Inuyasha came into her life. Honestly their first meeting was not romantic and pretty terrific in a sense. That was a weird day for Kagome. She fell into an alien world only heard in fairy tales, got involved in a weird prophecy, learnt she was a mythical sort of being herself and then got attacked by a guy who had saved her only seconds before, all ready to rip her heart out. In such a case, the 'osuwari' was probably a safe word for her. Why she uses it later in the series? Probably because she never trusted Inuyasha and felt more comfortable using a word which gave her power over him. Honestly, what would you expect? Kisses and love showers?

Analysis: Kagome was still scared of Inuyasha for a long time and did not trust him completely.

Before Inu no Taisho's tomb battle

Kagome before this went home and then cane back because she felt that fixing the Shikon was her duty. More honestly, she just returned coz Yura attacked and she wanted her family to be safe. Here I want to take some time to gush over how cool Kagome is. Intelligent, smart and extremely powerful. How she understood that Yura's skull was her weakness and breaks the god forsaken thing with just an arrow. That is some level of OPness. Who says Kags is useless?

Anyways, after that when Inuyasha called her 'Kagome', a lot of the viewers thought that Kagome was ecstatic because it was romantic and she was in love. But that is bs. It is not possible to love someone a week later they tried to gut your heart out. It is masochistic and unreal. Kagome over here felt a sense of acceptance from a guy who she felt previously hated her enough to kill her. And that to Kagome was a sign of friendship and more like, 'don't worry, I am not at least gonna attempt to kill you anymore.'

Kagome, inheritently a person who gives a hand when given a finger. She accepts Inu as her friend and they were far from being lovers.

It is exactly this time that Sess attacks them. And quite cruely might I say. Bringing Inu's dead mom like that was not funny and Sess was an outright jerk for doing that no matter how much he hated Inu and Izayoi. He is all weird and sarcatic at high levels. And Kags hated him. She hated how he was attacking this one friend she had made in the era. She hated how cruel this bastard was and how much pain her friend was going through. And her own lovely bond with her brother did not help her to look into their complex brotherly bond which seemed to her more like some battle royale. She probaably hated the bitch for showing up and hurting her friend like that even when he, being the older brother should have loved his younger brother and nurtured him like she would do for Souta.

For Sess, it was really weird and shitty all over. A basic human bitch, standing behind Inu like she was weak fawn. Reminded him so much of Izayoi. Someone who never even tried saving his dad. That was why his sarcastic words were like, "Inuyasha, it suits you so much to have a human behind you". Ya and he was irritated by looking at how helpless af the bitch was. He was narcisstic, filipant of Kags presence and all around indifferent to a 'weak human filthy woman', who he felt was just like the one for whom his dad died.

Surprise is how he did not outright murder her. Perhaps he felt like they were worthless and beneath his boots.

Lol, these two are the best.

Inside Inu No Taisho's tomb

Kags was really angry with this bitch who just chained her up, clawed a pearl out of her friend's eye and then jumped into a black hole. That is why she followed with, "This sort of a person, with no blood or humanity in his veins, I cannot forgive him" and then she chased. Even Inu was like, WTF bro. It was fun. Then she spouted lines like, " Take the sword Inuyasha, it will be like a hit to his pride, what a shame!"

How tf did she know about how much his pride hurt him. Lol felt like Kags knew Sess more than Inu ever would and they only met. That was some soulmate level shit right there. Lol!

Then there was Sess who was outright dismissing Kags and she was not even a spec of dust in his eyes. Then she went and pulled that sword out. Remember the scene where he was so surprised that he stopped the battle with Inu and turned around and LOOKED. Like really LOOKED. It was such a heart stopping moment and for good measures as well. He saw a girl, a woman standing there, holding an inheritance which was supposed to be his and she did something he could not. Did Tessaiga accept her then, did his father accept her more than him? He was baffled, confused and low-key awed. That was why he said, "What are you?" And legit measured her top to bottom. That was some turning point for Sess. Something that proved to him that all humans cannot be dismissed. But he was in rage. How can a mere human be worthy of Tessaiga and melted her along with that sword. I wonder if it was his second test to see whether Tessaiga would protect her or not. And then it did!

Sess went ape-shit crazy after that. A sword he desired for so long (The sword used to protect Izayoi was a thorn in his heart. Made him feel like his father had chosen a human over him. But if the sword had accepted him, it would have proved that his dad had still loved him, thought of him). That was the significance of Tessaiga to him. Power sure, but more of an acceptance. His dad's acceptance. And then what happened? The sword preferred a human who then gave it to his damned hated brother.

Aftermath of tomb battle

Kagome never really liked Sess's guts and probably had no form of sympathy towards someone like him. On the other hand things picked up with her and Inu's relation. She came to know some facts about Kik. And her inferiority complex began with her incarnate. But having a part of Kik's soul in her, began her obsession with Inu. She strived to understand him, make a better person of himself. But their relation was still not there to lovers.

Then Sess came across Naraku. He probably just wanted to dick around more with Inu and accepted the human hand.

2nd battle for Tessaiga

Sess's desire to possess the Tessaiga had increased at this point. His rage of having his arm cut off by that sword felt like the worst rejection from his dad. He was going insane and might have wanted to kill Inu for real in this fight. He was in no mood for theatrics in this one, unlike the tomb where he actually watched some InuKag drama and even applauded (lol). He was absolute business this time. He snached the sword and showed Inu exactly why he should not get that sword, 'You cannot even make the wind rift, why should you be more worthy?'

He meant to kill Inu and then Kags arrow sailed in, charging with enough power to even cancel the demonic energy filled into the sword by Sess himself.

His thoughts were for the same reason, " She canceled Tessaiga's transformation? Who is this girl?"

His respect scale jumped for her here. He truly had never met anyone who could rival his power to such extent. He had never met a girl who stood so powerfully in face of danger to protect this some half-breed scum. She was like the embodiment of everything he had hoped Izayoi to be to his dad. A strong woman who would wager her life to save the one she holds dear. Sess had learnt this fact from his dad's death. To sacrifice in name of love and then in this fight he understood how much that meant both for Inuyasha and Kagome. He probably somewhat understood what this feeling was after seeing these two.

Sess had an idea of love and protection and Kags became its centre. She was this vague expectation Sess had of human love and an absolute loyalty towards whom you love most. He felt complicated towards her. He respected her.

3rd Tessaiga battle

Sess's most sceptical battle yet. Why break the tessaiga? 'I will break it if I can't have it!' Desperate much?. Then the wind drift appears and for the first time Sess acknowledges Inu. For maybe being a somewhat worthy of having Taisho's blood, only if a little bit. He is saved by Tenseiga. Oh, how he hated this worthless sword more. This sword could not cut throught things and saves his life. What a worthless shit.

Kagome's narrative here was important. "How can he weild the Tenseiga? He needs a compassionate heart for that." Always wondered why Kags was the one to say this. But realised the reason later on.

Rin

Obviously the most controversial topic of Inuverse. What Sess felt for Rin, why was she there.

Rin has often been compared to be the Kagome version of Sess. And that is the only truth. She came in like a ray of sunshine when he was in most need. He was in self doubt, hate towards Inu and complex emotions towards Kags. And then Rin was there with the exact same face and the same warm feeling like Kags. Even he knew what InuKag were to each other then and no matter how much he respected Kags, he was not really interested in a further relation with Kags. But his deeply unsated desire to understand his dad's mentality and reason behind saving a human was what made him think of Rin. As she was his chance to understand that. His chance to understand why his dad could do that, why Inu could do that and why humans like Kags and Rin could save and love demons. It was not romantic in any sense. He had a confusion and Rin was his way towards a solution. Though it was a different fact that he loved her later on and cherished and protected her. Enough to feel that there was no meaning to his anything if she was not there.

So yes in a way, she is Kags embodiment in Sess's life, a picture of Kags selfless love. His desire to truly understand such beings called selfless humans and the result of his single minded belief of human women being trash and unable to love shattering.

And for fun just to contradict Kags speculations, for first time ever, Sess uses the sword and we viewers realise how wrong Kags was. Sess had every bit of compassion in his heart.

Later events

The events went on with Kags finally understanding her position in Inu's life and her single-minded chase to be accepted by Inu as just Kagome and not Kikyo's reflection. I do not even know if this could be called love or just a misinterpreted need of attention from someone you hold dear. But whatever, we realise Kags is in love with Inu now and still cannot stop from feeling compassion towards Kikyo. Honestly she and Sess are truly two opposite sides of a spectrum.

Sess on the other hand gets Tokijin and attacks Inuyasha. This time around, I highly doubt he was still chasing Tessaiga. It had more evolved into his need to show he is more powerful than Inu. 'What you do best, I can do better.'

Stopping Inu from transforming

In this the most debatable question was whether he was there to stop Inu or not.

Sess had wanted to see and experiment the limits of Inu's blood beast.

After some fighting, Kags jumped in. Sess stared at her, like forever. That staring tho. Even when she was like, "Stay away, you idiot." Sess stared. For Sess, that was what he admired the most in Kags. Her selfless devotion. He was staring at that fearless figure who once again surprised him by being a sacrifice to save her loved ones. She was to Sess what he had always thought of 'love' to be. She was the embodiment of the term 'love' to Sess. For a guy who knew nothing of how to define emotions, it was Kags who showed him what love was. And thus he jumped over and over again in front of Rin to protect her. She taught him how to cherish even the even the most weak individual in a group, and thus he protected Jaken.

Rin was there to show him the same thing everyday. But no matter how much Rin showed him her own loyality, love and warmth, Kags always remained that shining beam to him. I will say later on how I understood this.

Kag's love was the validity of his dad's sacrifice. A way for him to make sense of his dad's mindless death over protecting some weak human.

And in this scene for the first time ever, Kags saw Sess as more than an insufferable pest to her friends. She saw his noble ideals and realised why he was there and thus she thought, "Was he here to save Inuyasha?"

It is very curious as to why Kags was again given these lines. It was probably because her opinion mattered, to Sess it did. And we will see more why in the future.

Random encounters

There was one time when Kags saw Rin while Jaken was trying to steal Tessaiga and she had asked herself, "Why is a little human girl traveling with Sess?' It was again a small thing which she did not need to feel but was very imp. for her development towards Sess. How she started to understand him more.

Kohaku incident

Here we saw how was the first time Sess listened to Kags.

Kags opinion mattered. Inu's mattered and when he realised that Kohaku was being used he let him go. There was one reason that he did not want to be used, the next I am sure was for Kags and Inu. He knew then that Kohaku was imp. to them and he stopped. Big character jump for him.

Then the most curious fact was how Kags knew what the girl meant to him, "Please let him go Sesshomaru, the girl is fine."

Kagome: Thanks Sesshomaru!

Sesshomaru: I just never wanted to be used by Naraku and fall into his trap.

Lol...

Then after Rin left, Kags thoughts about how she had left with Sess and was awed . An important point for her change in feelings towards Sess. She understood the guy was changing and Rin was changing him.

The fun fact was how she was instantly in love with this little girl and that would become important later on.

More random events..

After that it was shown that many times Kags was the only one who could stop a fight bet. the brothers. Example that time when he fought with Inu to get some direction for Naraku. And then Kags came and told him to go north or something and he was like, "That is all I wanted to know." And left.

What is to be seen in these parts is how RT made only him and her interact like this. He listening to her like they have been friends forever.

The saving of Kanta's father was also an example of how much she affected him.

Her plea to save Kanta's dad even when no one believed and no one bothered to ask him. Tensaiga moved because he felt deeply moved by her plea. He might have never wanted to voice it but since Tensaiga only worked when the weilder felt compassion and a need to save someone. Sess must have felt it subconsciously and Tensaiga had stired. Or it had stired because it is a SessKag shipper as well. Lol!

Mukotsu

I wonder how Sess knew Kags was in trouble. Another fun fact like how he appears at times when Inu is not there to save Kags. Sess is there. Probably he knew her scent too well and hence could even distinguish between that and the poison. After that was the gruesome death of Mukotsu. The thing to notice over her was how large Sess looked in that hut doorway, it was a symbolism to how big and huge his protective self looks when he is protecting Kagome. A very romantic thing indeed. The first time he protects someone who is not under his protection. A complete selfless act if considered from his pov. Sess being a very private person and while saving Kagome showed her place in his heart. Yeah and that was very visible from how he killed Mukotsu.

The takeaway from this episode is not this though. It was the fact that Kags defended Sess. For the first time ever, all the good deeds she had seen him doing had outplayed her hatred for him. She accepeted him as a friend with these words, "No Inuyasha, he was here to protect us, he saved us." It was a completely unnecessary detail in the whole scheme of this episode but very important for Sess. Her acceptance matters, her opinion matters and Sess is a Tsundere.

Sesshomaru: I did not save YOU, I just killed him coz he did not answer me properly.

This proved how much she affects him, rattles him and how much her life means to him. And an unspoken promise to himself to protect her when Inu was not around.

Fight with Shishinki

No one ever mentions this fight. But there is a very important SK interaction in here. Something which was important for Sess. Kagome's understanding.

When Sess was lost in the same darkness of never being accepted by his dad, Shishinki made things worse by saying Tenseiga was a cast out of Tessaiga and it was given as a leftover to Taisho's least fav. son. Sesshomaru was hurt, lost, and his daddy issues, his biggest weakness was sharply opened by a knife, cruely and Kagome's words saved him.

Kagome: But there might have been a reason their dad had done this.

Kags belief that Taisho had infact not rejected Sess was like a balm to his soul, the only thing he had needed to hear throughout his life. The thing which made him accept in the end that Tensaiga was there to protect Inuyasha, the thing that was needed to sort of activate Tessaiga and then he finally formed his biggest and truest meido. It was romantic, touching and outright heavenly. Then it was made cute with Inu's awkward concern. It was the best ep. as of yet.

Kagome's deep concern and her understanding of Sess's pain was brilliant and alien level insane. She should not have, but she did and that's why they felt more like soulmates.

Battle with Magatsuhi

Sess had gone batshit crazy when Magatsuhi had hurt Kagome and that had only been worsened by him questioning Sess's honor and pride. Sess had turned full on doggy mode and lost control in that way for the first time since the tomb. And the strike at Magatsuhi's eyes was another symbolism of his revenge for doing shit to Kags eyes and mindfucking her.

RT has always thrown these small hints in between IK drama. Which are brilliant and lovely. Even that one scene where he stands protectively inbetween Kags prostrate body on Kilala and Magatsuhi. Beautiful symbolism, really.

It was also fun to see how Kags half power was sealed by Magatsuhi and Sess's half power was returned via Bakusaiga. I felt that Sess's true acceptance of his protection to Kagome and his detachment from Tessaiga was what made him the true daiyokai and surpass his father. Since somehow Tessaiga has always been linked to protecting Kagome and somehow protecting her might have also been the thing to finding Bakusaiga. The desire to protect her perhaps.

Soul mate mind link theatrics

This is something only some people realise. Sesshomaru and Kagome have been shown not once, but twice to be doing this. Once while fighting for Kohaku's life and the last shard and the other in Naraku's body. Kagome and Sesshomaru had been shown to think in absolute synchronisation. He thinks half the sentence, she completes the rest. Absolute soul mate shit.

SessKag power combo

Shown a lot of time in Inuverse. Sess attacks and Kags completes. A small thing but their timing is insane. And is defintely the best power combo, far better than an InuKag combo.

Fight in Naraku's body

This was the time when Sess finally shows what Kagome means to him. Where she stands and how much he cares for her. She is his FIRST priority. Proof? When Rin and she are in simultaneous danger, he stands there infront of Kags for God knows how long, removing those snake things like he had all the time in the world and once she is awake he is concerned about her well being.

Sess: Those wounds, are those Inuyasha's doing?

And his disappointment in Inuyasha not being able to protect Kags.

Sess: As expected of a half-demon. He lost himself in the bloodlust.

Kags obviously considered Sess to be a friend at this point. A very close friend at that. Family perhaps? Their familiarity here was not missed by anyone. Her defending Inu and then still prioritising Rin over Inu were only somethings we realised this chapter.

The most important was her belief in him.

Manga exclusive,

Kags: I believe that you would be able to do it. Do not fall into Naraku's trap and play his cards that is what he wants. Only you can do this, I know.

Wow, Kags wow...just wow... It is the best actually. She does not believe Inu in this situation but she does Sess. She believes in his protection and she knows her influence on him. This speaks volumes. This shows her unreal connection to him and how they match each other instinctively.

Sess knows her influence. This is his weakness.

The mokomoko scene was truly Sesshomaru's best confession. For him who cannot say much in words, allowed her to fly on mokomoko. Something which everyone of us know has a heavy weightage for Sesshomaru. It is his weapon, his forever companion and his support when he is injured and tired. Offering such a thing to her for whatever reason was truly his way of showing what he exactly feels for her. He cherishes her the most and I could say even more than Rin. Trusts her the most and would jump in front of danger to protect her.

Which is only seen more when he asks her to stay away from the fight because she would be a 'hinderance'. Which means he could not fight if she is in the middle. He would be vulnerable and weak. Intersting, very interesting. Another time where he stood between her and a dangerous blood beast that Inu had become.

The best part was truly him getting concerned when she fell down from the top while removing Tessaiga and then when Magatsuhi tried to possess her.

His anger was so vibrant. "Get away from her!"

What a brilliant thing to say. The possessiveness. The will to protect her. The absolute anger. Brilliant. So much was spoken in those lines.

The best ending though was the SessKag power combo of Bakusaiga and holy arrow. Best ending. Inu was not even much involved in ending Naraku. It was weird how the titular character failed in finishing the main villain with his meido. Shows a lot what SessKag meant to RT.

Big brother

Yes, the iconic scene where fans of all ships shout out that SK is not a romantic ship.

Well over here I want to say that Kagome truly saw Sess as a big brother figure at this point. Part of it was because she still felt that she was in love with Inu and part because she was not receptive to her reactions to Sess and what he truly meant to her at this point. She feels an intimate connection to him but cannot justify the weirdness because she still feels a closeness to Inu so she thinks of him as big brother. Which was a very intimate thing for Kagome to say. She loves him like family and clearly places him higher than the rest of her friends only second to Inu. That was more of a declaring her closeness to Sess rather than a confirmation of her and Inu's relationship. Kags is not a vain character who does things coz they are convinient. She would not call a friend if they are not a friend. And certainly not a big brother if she does not feel so.

Sess actually was relieved, ecsatatic and happy when Jaken informed hin of Kags arrival as was seen in his expression. Very funny actually. Because next second he was called big brother and he was hilariously ticked off. He could not believe what he was being called. Lol that interaction though. It showed how close they ended up being. Even more close than he was to his own brother.

But he accepted the title even if with much pain in his neck and then was really offended when Jaken badmouthed Kagome.

Conclusion: No one badmouths Kagome.

Haaha....end of this long analysis. I tried to analyse it from the character's pov and found some interesting small tidbits and detail that RT had hidden in this story.

Thus I felt that SK would be a more natural ship maybe not outright. Since Sess loves her truly but does not understand the nature of the relation and Kags is still too much blinded by Inu filter a.t.m. Maybe given years when Kags will realise exactly what sort of love she feels for Inu. Which will happen because such a toxic relation like IK should not exist and then she will probably see Sess's love for her.

My Conclusion: SK is a defintive. It will happen with some time and care. When both would mature. But it will happen for sure. All the ingredients are there, the stage has been set just the players have to realise what they feel for each other.

#inuyasha #anime #sesskag #kagome #sesshomaru #kagome x sesshomaru

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funkymbtifiction · 4 years ago

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This is crazy! you described me entirely in one post.

Like the asker, I too have been waiting for you to write more about 9s merging with media because I wanted an outsider’s perspective.

I kid you not, two years ago I was mindlessly scribbling on my notebook when I wrote “Who are you without media?”. At that time, it really struck me how much I change whenever I watch a movie/tv series, read a book, or listen to a new song. I know how some people say they feel like they’re ‘there’ with the emotions, characters, storyline. But I wonder if they’d still say the same thing if they knew how an enneagram 9 sx + Fi user experiences it, :p.

Since that realization, I’ve been attempting and failing at a personal project I called “Spend a year with me”. Where I limit media time or eliminate it and see how I’d act, and who I’d be. If I ever succeed at doing it, I’ll let you know the results. :) (It kinda scares me thinking I always NEED something to be part of. I must have my own, complete, wholesome self, right?)

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First, you know you are an ENFP and not an INFP, right? You were unclear other than having Fi and Ne but merging that much into the environment, changing your entire personality dependent on who / what is influencing you tells me you are both an ENFP and “The Bermuda Triangle” tritype - 963/936 (I lean the latter, if you were emulating success and ambition when younger). The reason you are shape-shifting so much is both because of that tritype (no “me” fixes to ground you, it’s all about the outer world and being malleable to it) combined with being a free-flowing Ne-dom who would naturally absorb things anyway. But maybe you already know this and I’m just affirming it.

I share your opinion of Revolutionary Road, btw. It gave me the same depressed and “I absolutely hate this” reaction. And I also absorb people -- I can’t spend more than ten minutes with someone who has an accent before I have it. xD

... wait, is that the reason so many adults watch animated movies and cartoons? They are less emotionally intense and threatening?? Are they 9-ing into pleasant distractions not intended to over-devastate them emotionally?? o.O

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Honestly? I bloody HATE this merging thing and wish I didn’t have it. There was a time when I wondered if I had a personality disorder or something because of how rapidly my mood changed while listening to the top 40 on the radio hahah! It was dangerous! a different mood every three minutes!! Thanks. I hope in the future you could give us Te guidelines on how to hold our ground and make the separation because some of us need help figuring it out.

-------------------

To be honest, you need to connect to your Fi more -- by spending time alone, deciding what you do and do not like and how things make you feel, independent of outside influences. Your media-purge is a good way of doing this, but also it’s useful to catch yourself doing it and go -- wait, is this ME or THEM? WHERE AM I IN THIS?? I DON’T HAVE TO MERGE! and learn to carve out and create space and draw boundaries of -- no, I’m not letting this in. This is Not Me.

#question #submission #enneagram #enneagram 9

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ms-demeanor · 5 years ago

Note

/r/unpopularopinion/comments/e2gfsv/men_dont_conceal_their_depression_because_they/ Thoughts?

Look.

Depression brain lies to people. Depression brain tells you that nobody cares about your problems and they don’t want to help and you’re just a burden if you say anything.

Turns out it does that regardless of gender.

I could probably point you to a dozen posts without even stretching that talk about people losing male friends to depression and being devastated because they didn’t even know their friend was hurting and would have done whatever they could to help.

The negativity in that reddit post is a lie.

There’s a post I saw on here today that was talking about male vulnerability that broke down to “you don’t want to be vulnerable in a real, ugly way, you just want men to share emotionally appropriate secrets” and that’s bullshit. It’s a lie. It’s a lie in two ways.

First off people as a whole aren’t really comfortable with *anybody* shedding messy feelings. Weeping at your desk at work makes people uncomfortable with you, period, end. People don’t find that attractive or compelling or nobly vulnerable, they just get screamingly uncomfortable and avoid you. Paula from Accounting and Matt from Engineering aren’t paid to deal with your shit and if they can’t handle it that’s not their fault. Sharing your feelings and being vulnerable isn’t the same as feelings-bombing your unsuspecting co-workers or the PTA.

And secondly just because someone is uncomfortable or unequipped doesn’t mean they don’t care. Paula from Accounting is probably really, really worried if she sees you crying at your desk but that doesn’t mean she has the kind of relationship with you where she can actually talk to you about it.

*Trigger warnings, self harm*

I used to cut myself. Big surprise, right? I mostly did it privately but one time I was so achingly fucked-up and in need of any kind of help that I used an eraser and scrubbed away at the skin of my hand until I was bleeding all over Mr. Constantine’s World History class.

And I sat there in history class, cutting myself, completely convinced that nobody saw me, that I was invisible, that if they did see me they didn’t care because nobody said anything.

Now, spoilers, fifteen-year-olds are selfish and emotionally immature. It was completely unfair of me to put that kind of burden on the kids around me and I do regret it.

But an interesting thing happened.

A few years after high school I was sitting in the parking lot of a local Albertson’s chainsmoking and reading at 3am because I am a healthy and normal person. And as I sat there I recognized some voices - it was three boys who had been in high school with me all grown up!

One of them, Michael, had always been kind of friendly with me in a standoffish “I’m an honors student and you’re an honors student but you’re really fucking weird so I’ll nod to you in the hallways and won’t shit-talk you if we have an assignment together but we’ll never eat lunch together or anything” kind of way. And Michael came over to talk to me!

It’s been kind of a theme with people from high school that when they talk to me they either end up saying “Oh, I thought you’d be dead by know” or “you married a guy? are you fucking with me?” at some point in our conversation so I was kind of expecting it. I wasn’t expecting Michael Salutatorian-I-Just-Finished-Med-School to give me a hug and start crying when he said he thought I’d be dead by now.

Because, see, Michael sat next to me in Mr. Constantine’s World History class. And he told me he’d seen me cutting myself in class and he’d been so worried about me that he made more of an effort to be nice to me at school but he had no idea what to do about it. He had no idea if he should tell someone or say something to me.

I still feel bad about putting that on Michael and the other kids in our class (though I was ten pounds of crazy in a five pound sack so I can at least recognize that I didn’t intend to hurt anyone and with updated information wouldn’t do the same thing) but in hindsight I’m really glad that things happened the way they happened because it actually really means a lot to me that people could see that I was hurting and just didn’t know how to help.

Now that I am a much more emotionally mature adult with seventeen years of therapy under my belt and I can recognize suicidal ideation as the lying depression brain bullshit that it is I’ve also gotten to be much, much better at asking appropriate people for help.

That reddit comment mentions that women have networks to support their depression and those don’t just come from nothing, they are built. You have to build them. And I’m lucky enough that I know plenty of guys who have built similar networks so I’m really happy to tell you that you can do it too, buddy. And even if you don’t have one ready-made I know there are whole internet communities dedicated to helping out people in tough situations. I know literally dozens of people personally who have been able to ask for help from friends they made on tumblr or twitter or through video games or fucking CalGuns.

Also the solution to feeling like you’re unsupported isn’t to say “well, I guess nobody cares, better just hold onto this feeling until it kills me” it’s to keep asking for support. And yeah, maybe that support *only* comes from a paid therapist at first but a really, really big component of a lot of therapy is working on interpersonal relationships so that you can have a healthy support network.

Anyway.

I do recognize that it is not, currently, easy for men to reach out for help with mental illness. I recognize that there are social barriers for men that frequently do not exist for women.

However.

Looking at the way things are now versus the way things were ten years ago I really feel like that’s changing. I believe that our society now is more knowledgeable about mental illness and how destructive social isolation can be and how to help than we were ten years ago.

And if there is absolutely no one else you can ask for help at the very, very least you can get started with this gigantic list of crisis hotlines.

So.

Yeah. The world sucks and it’s hard to get help. But the first step is to ask. I’m so, so, so pleased with the fact that we’re educating people about building healthy support networks and giving them the terminology to discuss their problems and opening up about the issues that we have so that other people know they aren’t alone in their feelings or pain, but if none of that is enough, if none of that helps you, you still have to ask for help. And you might not get it right away, but you aren’t going to get help at all if you don’t ask.

Also in case you didn’t know it Movember is funding mental health research and resources for men in addition to prostate cancer research; one of their supported group is Heads Up Guys, which has some helpful information for men dealing with depression and good resources for supporting you depressed friends.

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criminalminds4days · 4 years ago

Text

Family Matters | Chapter 7: Happy Birthday

Hello people!!

I know I just came back, but school and work are really kicking my butt. I have virtual events, classes, projects and papers... On top of that I have to go to work and I barely have enough time to sleep. I am hoping I'll be able to keep writing, and I already have some chapter written in advance but who knows how my life will be by the time we reach the end of those chapters...

Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good week and a good year so far. Enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think!

P.S. keep in mind I did not have time to proof read this, so it might be wonky.

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 5.2k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 7: Happy Birthday

It was now time to get everything set up for Reid's surprise birthday party. She was still not talking to him, but something within her didn't allow her to abandon the idea of celebrating his day of birth. She wanted so bad to stop wanting to be his friend and talk to him, be around him and hear him laugh, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

"You're gonna let us know your decision soon?" She almost fell down the chair she was on.

"Can you not scare me to death, please?"

"Well stop keeping us in suspense."

"Emily," she stepped down from the chair and used it to sit. "I didn't accept the position, in fact, I told Luke that same day. To help him with his bosses being on his ass I said I would think about it, but I'm going to email them soon to say I won't be transferring. I don't know how Garcia found out but she didn't let me explain that I wasn't even leaving. Then all of you barged in and I just thought it would be funny to let you guys believe I was gonna leave."

"And you've had us in suspense for two days?! Do you know how devastated Reid is? He probably thinks that's why you won't speak to him!"

"That's not the reason I don't talk to him, I ignore him because he's a cheater!" Her mouth closed fast after saying those words.

"What do you mean? Did he cheat at poker or something?"

"No, just forget about it."

"Tell me!"

"No necesitas saber," She said in Spanish. Telling Emily she didn't need to know.

"¿Se te olvida a caso que también hablo español?"

"Yes, I totally forgot you spoke Spanish." She placed for a little bit, deciding whether to tell her or not. "I saw Reid and JJ a couple of weeks ago and they were in a very friendly situation, to say the least."

"Were they making out or something?" She shook her head, and Emily smiled. "Listen, I honestly don't think that they have something going on."

"You didn't see what I did."

"That's true, but I am also not emotionally involved."

"I'm not emotionally involved."

"Sure you aren't." She winked, "does Hotch know you're staying?"

"He was there when I turned down the offer originally."

"That little prick, he's mentioned nothing to me!"

"To you? Interesting." Before Emily could correct herself she had already made her way to the sitting area, setting all the dishes and cups. She looked it over one more time before deciding it was good. "I have to change, I will be back in a half-hour. Everybody should be arriving by then, do you mind just checking that everything is good while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, though it seems rather interesting that you're having a birthday party for a 'cheater' don't you think?"

"It's also weird that you expected Hotch to tell you specifically, rather than the team, things like my possible transfer."

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, but it is."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is, now bye!" With those last words, she exited the building.

She paced her room. She had about thirty minutes before Spencer arrived and she was about ten minutes away, so she still had some time to figure out what she was going to say or do once the party began. She knew someone would tell him it was she who organized the party, and that would only raise more questions about her current behavior towards him.

"I had already planned it, and I couldn't get a reimbursement for the salon." She said to the mirror. "No, that might be too mean. How about, Whatever else is going on, I am glad you're alive. No, that's too nice." She rubbed her eyes, frustrated with her responses, and then, the best idea she would come up with came to her and she couldn't pass up the opportunity.

Would it backfire? Most likely, but that didn't mean she wasn't gonna try her best for it to not. With one final look at the mirror, she grabbed her keys and made her way to the venue. When she arrived all the cars from her co-workers were parked, except for JJ's, who out of the goodness of her heart had offered to drive the birthday boy. She wouldn't be surprised if Will didn't attend the event, because that would give them some alone time. Absorbed by this thought she almost didn't notice that almost immediately after she exited her car, JJ, Spencer and Will pulled up in their car. When she noticed them she squealed and ducked, but it had been a little too loud, as all three of them turned to her and saw as she very awkwardly tried to hide by ducking next to her car. She sighed and stood up, waving at the trio.

"Dropped a contact." She weakly explained.

"You don't use contracts, nor glasses for that matter." Spencer reminded her.

"No, but my friend does, and she left them in my car, and when I got out, I ended up dropping one."

"Well, it might be time to go in," JJ said, trying to salvage the surprise.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Spencer asked her.

"I... I didn't know I was, it was sort of a last-minute thing."

"Oh, okay." He looked at her expectantly, as if hoping she would acknowledge the date and congratulate him. That was one of the few things that contrasted his serious demeanor, those small moments in which he would just act like a child and have that twinkle in his eyes.

"Anyway, why don't I go ahead and go inside and you guys catch up later."

"No, you can stay with us. I mean, you can be my date. Today doesn't feel like the day to be the third wheel." He gave her another expectant look, hoping she would ask what made today special, or simply acknowledge she knew what day it was. "Besides, we haven't really seen much of each other lately."

"Yeah, life's crazy. Let me take a rain check on that though. I'll see you all later!" She tried to walk inside but he took her arm, preventing her from leaving.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, she's just trying to prevent you from finding out about your surprise birthday party before we get a chance to say surprise." Spoke the one and only Derek Morgan. They turned to find all of their friends at the entrance with amused smiles on their faces.

"Surprise!" They exclaimed and his eyes lit up even more, if that was possible, at the sight.

"Can you let me go now, please?" He nodded and mumbled an apology as he let go of her arm, she moved next to Emily and avoided all eye contact with everybody.

"Way to go champ, you almost ruined it." The woman jokingly whispered in her ear.

"Happy birthday Spencer!" Everybody said.

"Thank you guys, this means so much to me. I can't believe you all took the time to plan this."

"Actually, it was all-"

"Emily! This was all Emily's idea." She exclaimed before JJ could finish the sentence.

"Well, thank you so much, Emily." He said to her. She couldn't help but notice a small hint of disappointment in his tone, but she decided to not read too much into it.

"Yeah, you're welcome." This one said, shooting a glance at her friend. "How about we go inside and get some food?" Everybody cheered and they all made their way to the table that she had set up earlier.

"So my idea, huh?" She mumbled.

"Shut up Emily, you don't need to read into everything."

"I'm not reading into stuff, it's all just out in the open."

"Whatever."

The dinner had gone great, everyone seemed to be having a great time, especially the birthday boy, though something kept bugging him and she wasn't sure what it was.

"So, have you made a decision about your transfer?" He directly asked her once the conversation had died down.

"Are you asking me?"

"Is anyone else considering a transfer?"

"Touche." She instinctively looked at Emily and Hotch, who casually were sitting next to each other, 'out in the open' she immediately thought. Emily gave her a pointed look while her boss simply nodded slightly. "I'm still thinking. Luke made some really interesting points about the position."

"For example, his deep voice." Emily teased.

"A raise in salary." She countered.

"How do you even know Agent Alvez? I heard of him, but I didn't even know what he looked like before this week." Garcia questioned.

"He was a mentor, per se, when I was finishing up my courses at the academy. I ended up going on my first mission as a graduate with him and his team, I was actually going to start with them when Hotch requested me for the BAU."

Everybody seemed a little impressed by this knowledge. It was true she never really shared her stories, and it was mostly because they were filled with embarrassment, but this was work-related, so it seemed okay.

There seemed to be more questions emerging but before they could be asked, footsteps were heard at the entrance, and soon enough, Anna, Tyler, her aunt Becky (Anna's mother), and her mom walked in.

"Who in the-"

"Happy birthday to my favorite son-in-law!" Her mother cheered and before he even had a chance to stand up he was already engulfed into a hug.

"Son-in-law? Reid, is there something we need to know?" Questioned Derek.

"What are you guys doing here?" She spoke, feeling her throat dry out.

"Well, your mom told us it was Spencer's birthday and that you organized a birthday dinner for him, so we thought we would stop by and congratulate him," Anna said.

"Wait, that's your mom?!" Garcia asked.

"Is there something you two need to share with the rest of us?" This time the question came from Hotch.

She turned to the uninvited guests and gave them the fakest smile to ever exist. "Family, can I have a word with you all, outside? Now."

"Aren't you gonna introduce us to your team?" Her cousin asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"Yes, of course." She turned to Emily, begging with her eyes for help.

"Aaron, do you mind coming with me to my car. I seemed to have left something there."

"Right now?"

"Yes right now. It's important." She basically dragged him out of the venue, and she took a deep breath.

"Well, Mother, Anna, Tyler, and Aunt Becky," she signaled to the uninvited attendees. "This is my team, Penelope Garcia, SSA Morgan, SSA Jareau, and her husband detective Will, SSA Rossi, and you already know Dr. Reid. Team, this is my family."

"Pardon me if I sound rude by pointing this out, but you seem familiar," Derek mentioned.

"Well duh, we're one of the wealthiest families out there. The Blackwood family is very well known, and we've had our fair share of magazine covers." Anna said with glee.

"Blackwood? Wait, that's your last name, but you go by-"

"ANYWAY!" She interrupted JJ, "let us congratulate the birthday boy and celebrate, let's worry about titles later!" She grabbed her mother away from Spencer and placed her and the rest of her family in additional chairs that were part of the venue.

"So, how old are you turning Spencer?" Tyler asked, with a hint of annoyance.

"Thirty." The mentioned responded. Both of them stared at each other and she couldn't decide if what was happening between them was pure hatred or sexual tension.

"I thought you didn't like older men that much."

"It is of wise people to change their mind." She responded.

"I honestly feel like I am missing so much information right now," Derek said out loud.

"Same." JJ and Penelope added.

"I think I have a somewhat good idea of what's happening," Rossi said.

"Well, as a gift from me and my daughter, here are the keys to the Noire museum downtown. I personally think it would be fantastic for your children to grow up going there every weekend or something."

"Mother!" She exclaimed.

"Thank you, but I can't accept that, it is too much." Spencer intervened.

"Nonsense. You are the only son-in-law I will ever have; let my daughter and I spoil you."

"Yes Reid, let your future mother and future wife spoil you," Rossi spoke, a hint of glee in his eyes.

"Have you proposed already?!"

"No!" They both exclaimed. She had no idea how much more of this she could take.

"Okay, let me get this straight, Reid and you have been dating, and you didn't tell any of us?! How long has this been going on?"

"Well-"

"One year, and about four months, right cousin?" Anna was asking to get murdered.

"Actually, it's one year five months, and six days since we met, but we've only been together for one year three months and 4 days. Unless I confused my numbers again." He gave her a look and she fought the urge to not smile. Sure, she had to pretend they were a couple, but she was still mad at him.

"Reid getting his numbers wrong?" Will whispered.

"Yeah, because of his dyslexia," Tyler said as if it was obvious.

"Of course, his dyslexia! How could we forget Will?" JJ added. She looked completely surprised and kept glancing back between Spencer and her, but her tone was controlled, making sure the non-profilers in the room would not see through her. She couldn't help but wonder if the blonde was at all upset by the situation, after all, if she was right JJ was Spencer's girlfriend. The reminder made her frown, but she soon erased it from her face: one problem at a time.

"Well, this was grand, getting to know each other but I am sure you guys have a long drive and-"

"Don't worry cousin, we made time for the party. After all, Spencer is practically family, and you two are just so perfect for each other."

After her words, the steps of Emily and Hotch made the room go silent. He gave her a knowing look and took his previous seat as well as her friend who gave her a wink. This was going to be a disaster.

"So cousin, you guys hadn't told anybody about your relationship? Why keep it a secret?"

"The FBI has very strict policies, and both agents needed to demonstrate that their work in the field would not be affected by their relationship, and it hasn't," Aaron said, giving her a faint nod.

"Wait, but what does that mean for your transfer?" Garcia asked. Her eyes opened in shock because nothing could ever go right.

"What transfer?" Her aunt Becky questioned.

"I got offered a position with the team I did my first case with. But that's really not gonna change my relationship with Spencer. It's not like I'm leaving the country if I accept it. If anything I would spend more time in D.C."

"Interesting."

"Listen, family, I really appreciated having you here and taking the time to come and congratulate Spencer, I'm sure he's so happy that you guys could be here, but it's getting late and since all of us have to be back in the office tomorrow morning we're probably gonna call it a night soon."

"Of course darling." Her mother winked at her and Spencer as if suggesting that was not the reason the two wanted people gone.

"Before we leave though, we would love to get a picture of the two of you. It's not every day you get to celebrate your partner's birthday number thirty." The annoying blonde she had for a cousin suggested.

"Maybe another time."

"No, I think that's a great idea." Morgan chipped.

"Sure, why not?" Spencer said casually.

Was this man crazy? Did he not understand that their boss was right there and this could cost them their careers?!

She sighed and approached the brunette she placed her arms around his torso as he enveloped her in a hug, they smiled for the camera and waited a few seconds for pictures to be taken.

"Now Kiss!" Anna said and followed by that Garcia and Morgan joined her in a chorus of "kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss." The rest of the team, except for Hotch joined in, and she made sure to remember to kill Emily at her next best opportunity.

She cursed internally and turned her face, meeting his eyes for the first time in days. Sure, they had made accidental eye contact from time to time in the last few days, but she had tried her hardest to make it rare, and now she felt somewhat vulnerable. He gave her a small nod and leaned in, his lips touching hers ever so softly. It had been over two months since they had last kissed, but she could remember the taste as if it was yesterday.

A couple of minutes and cheers later they broke apart, his hand immediately reaching for hers. She tried not to wince or remove it, but it seemed like an impossible challenge.

"So cute!" The woman said, disgust in her voice. "Anyway, happy birthday Spence, here are some books that we thought you might like." She placed them on the table and attempted to walk towards him and hug him, but both she and Spencer made it clear that was not an option. There was something about her spanking him during the retreat that didn't really sit well with either of them. "You two are just made for each other, aren't you?" She commented before walking back towards her husband.

"Happy birthday Spencer, I hope the next time we see each other it's to ask me about an engagement ring." Her mother squeezed his cheeks and planted a kiss on each one to later repeat the process on her daughter. Aunt Becky simply waved and Tyler gave the couple a head nod before the four left the building.

There was a silence, she let go of his hand rather abruptly and separated herself from him a couple of inches as the rest of the team observed them. "Should I go set up the karaoke machine?" She asked as she tried to navigate the room.

"You should tell us why none of us knew the two of you were a thing," Morgan said.

"Agreed." The rest of the team said.

"Really, Emily you too?"

"That kiss made me doubt."

"Let me just make sure they're gone." She walked towards the entrance, as her mother's vehicle drove away she sighed with relief and made her way back to the table. "All right, let us get this over with."

"Why didn't you tell us you two were dating?" Penelope asked.

"Because we're not." She responded.

"Really? Then what was all that?" Morgan arched an eyebrow, clearly not impressed by her response.

"I asked Dr. Reid to pretend to be my boyfriend for a family event because my cousin kept telling me she was better than me and I was gonna end up alone because I was horrible and-" everybody observed her, the message clear. "Okay, she didn't say that exactly but the intention was clear! Anyway, because he went with me now my family thinks we're a couple and we have to pretend we are."

"That can't be it, please tell me you're lying and you two are actually in love," Penelope begged.

"Sorry, but Dr. Reid and I are simply co-workers who got caught in a big lie because of my big mouth." She shrugged, "Hotch, I promise, you have nothing to worry about."

"I know." He said, but something in his tone suggested otherwise.

"But that kiss though. It seemed more real than it should." JJ pointed out.

She looked at her, wanting to say something to hint that she knew about her and Spencer and that she knew that comment was coming from a place of jealousy, but she decided against it. She simply rolled her eyes, as if disregarding said kiss and made her way to the karaoke machine.

After everyone had moved on from the conversation and had begun cheering at those who participated by singing one or two songs, she decided to take a little break and get some air.

“If I didn’t know any better I would say you hate me or something.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Then what is it, because ignoring me and barely answering me isn’t cutting it anymore. I thought we were friends.”

“JJ, there are just some things that I can’t condone.”

“Like what?”

“Cheating.”

“I didn’t cheat, I was the first one to the office, so I grabbed the first doughnut. I am sorry if you liked chocolate glazed ones.”

“I am not talking about that! Though I am a little upset about that too!”

“Then what did I do?”

“Are you sleeping with Spencer?”

After those words came out of her mouth and JJ processed them, the blonde couldn’t help but laugh her ass off. She observed as the woman continued to laugh without a sign of stopping soon. “Me, and Spencer?” she asked between laughs, “Have you seen this?” She pointed at the ring in her hand and began to draw images with her hands as if hoping to represent that she was married, and she and Spencer were nothing but friends, she even confessed to her second pregnancy, something only Spencer knew about. But the other woman didn’t really understand, she thought everything was signaling at her avoiding to answer. “You are a funny one! Now, let’s go back inside, I will buy you a whole box of glazed doughnuts on Monday.” She managed to say as she continued to laugh, “me and Spencer? Hilarious!”

After watching her enter the venue, she waited before following suit. The whole scene seemed bizarre at best. Her confrontation had backfired and now she was back to square one on that front. On the bright side, she would be getting her chocolate glazed doughnuts so not everything was lost.

After two more hours, the venue was completely empty. Though they didn't have to go into the office the next day as she had told her mother, they all were more than happy to sleep early when given the opportunity. She had stayed behind to clean up some of the areas, hoping to make it easier for the cleaning crew the next morning.

"Do you need help with that?"

She jumped at the voice. "Jesus! What is it with you people and trying to give me a heart attack?" She said to the brunette.

"Sorry, I just wanted to help."

"Shouldn't you be heading home?"

"That's the thing, JJ and Will got a call from the nanny and they had to go. I was in the restroom, so I didn't know and they, well they left me behind." He looked really embarrassed by the situation.

Don't do it, she told herself. Don't say the words that you're thinking, she urged. "I can give you a ride home." She said despite her best efforts.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem."

She turned back to her duty and the silence that engulfed them was so awkward she almost backed out from giving him a ride home.

"What did I do?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm a profiler, you know? And I'd like to think I'm good at my job. I know you're mad at me, I just wish I knew why."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Please, I can't keep going on like this. I miss you, I miss spending time together, joking around, and just being us. I really miss it and I will do anything so we can go back to being friends."

"Dr. Reid, six months ago we weren't even friends." She pointed out.

"But four days ago we were."

"Are you sleeping with JJ?" She blurted out before she processed the words.

His face went from confusion to amusement and soon he was laughing his ass off. Great, now both of them had laughed at her.

"Me and JJ? You do know she's married, right?" He said between laughs.

"Not everyone that gets married is faithful."

"You're mad at me because you thought JJ was cheating on Will with me? Why would you even think that?"

"I saw you two at the office the other day."

"JJ asked me to be the godfather of her second child. She's pregnant. And no, it's not mine." His smile grew wider as the laughter stopped as if knowing she thought he was cheating was the best news he could receive.

"Oh." She mumbled, everything making sense. JJ’s reaction, the whole signing, and laughing. The idea seemed so foreign to both of them she couldn’t help but feel like an idiot for thinking it to be a possibility. She wanted to hide under a rock and never come out again. How could she possibly think that the two of them would do such a thing? Now that she had all the pieces the idea seemed so far-fetched she couldn't even understand what led her down that path. "I-I'm sorry, I interpreted everything wrong."

"I'm glad you did though." He said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "It gave me a really important insight."

"About what?"

"I need to tell you something." He said, and his other hand moved a strand of hair behind her ear. She couldn't help but think this was all too similar to a movie and how horrible that was, and yet how much she wished she was part of a movie in that precise moment. A part of her already knew where this was going and she felt all bubbly inside at the notion. "I like you."

"I like you too Spencer. You're my best friend." She spoke, completely shattering her internalized movie.

"No, I like you romantically. If it was up to me that kiss would have not been as short nor as innocent as it was."

"Why are you being a dumbass?" She said as she pushed his hands off her shoulders. "Quit playing, let's get you home."

He shook his head, slightly annoyed by how dense she was. "Will you please stop for a minute? I am trying to tell you about my feelings for you because I have been hiding them for days and every time I see you I want to kiss you and hold your hand. When I saw Luke and you, first I thought he was kind of hot, but then I saw him as a threat, and I was dying to punch him in the face. Because I want to be more than your best friend. I've probably wanted to be more than your friend for a really long time, but it took Emily barging into my hotel room and scaring Derek into the cafeteria for me to realize it and now I know that you must feel something for me, otherwise why on earth would you get so upset about the idea of JJ and I having an affair? So, can you please put the pieces together and come here so we can make out in the middle of a salon on my birthday like I dreamt last night?"

"You're joking, right?" She said, her heartbeat speeding up, half of her body wanting to run and the other half wanting to do exactly what Spencer had suggested. Well, it was more of an eighty percent for staying and twenty percent for running.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"You actually like me?"

"Yes! And I'm pretty sure you like me."

"I mean, sure, you're funny and a great friend. Not to mention cute, well I guess we have to be honest here, you're hot, like really hot, but just because I see that doesn't mean I like you, does it?"

"Do you want to kiss me right now?"

"Yes! Wait, no! I mean yes! I-"

"Let me help you out a little with that." Before she could ask how Spencer had already shortened the distance between them, placing his lips on her. This was the first time they had kissed without an audience, or as a part of their fake relationship. To prove how real this was, Spencer didn't hold back. First, his hands were on her cheeks, but they slowly moved to her hair, hips, and pretty much anywhere he could find. Hers never left his hair, appreciating how soft it actually was and the fact that despite his immense love of his hair and that he despised people touching it, not once had he complained.

She thought back on her conversations with Emily, on how Reid always made her feel safe. Sitting on a couch with her head resting on his shoulder had felt so right, and the idea of losing him to JJ had made her spiral. She knew that Will's feelings were not going to be the only ones hurt if it had been true. She wanted him.

She liked him.

It was so ridiculously obvious that she had to laugh. One would think metaphorically, but since she can't ever have a good moment without ruining it, her body decided to actually laugh, interrupting what had become a heated make-out session. As she tried to stop her laughter, he looked at her, confused.

"That bad?"

"What?" She said between laughter, "no! It's not that, it's just that I am so dumb. How did I not see that I like you so fucking much?" She continued, her laugh subsiding. "Spencer Reid, will you be my real boyfriend?"

"This has to be the best birthday present ever." He smiled, “but I don’t know if I am convinced by this offer."

"How about I second it by offering a make-out session in my car, and instead of driving you to your apartment, you can stay with me tonight?"

"Yes, please!"

“Is that a deal then?”

“How could I ever say no to you.”

After what seemed like a lifetime, but also a blink of an eye, they had made their way to her apartment. His shirt was wrinkled, and both their lips were read as can be. The small hickeys that he had graciously given her were now on full display as her neck was left exposed. She opened the door and he stepped inside after her, making sure to close and lock the entrance.

“Before we go any further, I need to ask.”

“No, Spencer, I am not a virgin.” She responded with a smile.

“That’s not what I was going to ask.” She observed him, encouraging him to continue. “Are you seriously thinking of leaving the BAU to go work with that jerk?”

“First off, he’s not a jerk. You don’t need to be jealous; Luke and I are just friends. And secondly, I turned down the offer as soon as he presented it to me. I was just giving you all a hard time.”

He frowned, clearly not as amused by that knowledge as she was. “There is something you should know.”

“What is it?” Her smile faded as his expression turned to a serious and concerned one.

“I sleep on the right side of the bed.”

“But you said-“

“I know what I said, I simply didn’t want you to feel bad, so I took the left side.”

“Spencer…” They almost fell as she crashed her lips to his. For others, this simple gesture might seem like nothing but knowing he would do something just to accommodate her was somehow so amazing and heartwarming. This knowledge summed by her newfound feelings were giving her the urge to pull him to her bedroom right then and there, but sadly for her, there were still certain things that needed to be addressed. “Before I undress you, and trust me I am dying to do that, I need to request something from you.”

“Anything.”

“Stop wearing tight pants to work.”

“Excuse me?”

“You have a very nice ass, I have noticed. And recently you have decided to use dress pants that don’t let me forget about this knowledge. We need to keep our relationship secret, at least for the time being, and watching you in those pants is not gonna help me, at all.”

“On one condition.”

“Yes?”

“You need to stop wearing blue.”

“But it’s my favorite color!”

“I know, and you look really good in it, like really good. It’s not good for me.” He planted a soft kiss on her neck, and that alone would have made her agreed to pretty much anything he asked.

“Okay, yes.”

“Good, now can we please get to business.”

“Never call us having sex business again.”

“Noted, as long as this isn’t the only time we have sex.”

“As if.”

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