#anyway i answered a few messages and i still have more but i'm embarrassed by the amount i've written so now i'm

[tvrningout-a]

it's all " you're so quiet " until you give me a keyboard and a topic i'm excited to discuss

[thatswhatsushesaid]

re: my tags about jgy and qin su in my reblog of that "does your blorbo have ptsd" tumblr poll, can we revisit that excruciating conversation in the jinlintai treasure room in cql? because one of my least favourite reads on jgy's expression and body language here is that he's being "creepy." and to be clear, i'm not trying to say you're wrong to draw those inferences here, because his behaviour is deeply, deeply unsettling, and i also find this scene hard to watch and to read in the novel. but i think if that's where your examination of him begins and ends here, you're doing yourself--and zhu zanjin's exquisite performance--a disservice.

so the 'creepy' bit is preceded by what jgy says to qin su while she has her back turned, and i find his words heartbreakingly sincere and very reflective of a man who has spent his life forced to feel shame and embarrassment over his mother, who he loves dearly and who he watched suffer right up until the moment of her death:

there are a few more very poignant lines in there about his mother and the depth of his gratitude to qin su (these show up in the novel, too), but i think the above encapsulates the same message. then the atmosphere shifts, and so does jgy's expression when he talks about jin rusong and how his death would have been inevitable--essential, even. this is also where i most often see him described as acting like a creep, and i have two separate responses to this that i don't really have the time to get into right now, but which have both doylist and watsonian components to them so 👀 you can probably make some guesses about what my arguments would be. if there's enough interest, i might come back to this later and put together a separate post about it, idk. anyway, i'm not going to get into the 'is he a creep' argument here because tl;dr no, i don't think he is, and also--

i find jgy's expressions here to be more indicative of a man who is, shall we say, Not His Best Self At The Moment 🫠 rather than a man who is intentionally trying to make a wife who, by her own admission, he has treated very well for the entirety of their marriage, uncomfortable. his attention isn't even on qin su or the hell that she is experiencing right now--because he is re-experiencing his own hell. because he, too, is traumatized by this knowledge! he's just had a decade and change to develop some deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms and masking techniques to hide it.

at this point qin su whips around and slaps him, which i know everyone likes to gif and fistbump and holler about in a positive way, but given there is no one in this scene who isn't enduring profound trauma in this moment, i, uh. you know. won't be doing that. i will focus on his face journey in the expressions that follow because they are just so

dissociating

dissociating

dissociating

/executive function switch is flipped in his superbly wrinkly brain, and then "qin su :) we still have so many guests to attend at the discussion conference :)"

a-yao? sir?? hello??? also i do not have the quote from the novel directly in front of me, but iirc he says something very similar here to what he does in the novel, which i'll have to paraphrase: that this revelation is only bothering qin su so much because she is actively thinking about it! it's only thoughts, you see! just don't think about it! haven't they actually been very happy all this time, while only one of them had to live with this knowledge and could not share it with anyone?

to which i can only respond with abject, horrified shock because, like. have you, jin guangyao? been happy and unperturbed by this devastating knowledge? because i think the answer is a pretty definitive no.

anyway i just wanted to quickly keymash my thoughts on this before they fled my brain completely but tl;dr yes, while jgy would not use this language to describe himself, he's absolutely got ptsd specifically around his marriage to his own half-sister, and their son.

---

this post has been added to my dreamwidth meta archive here: https://thatswhatsushewrote.dreamwidth.org/10607.html

[merrybloomwrites]

I Hear Them Calling (Chapter 4)

Story Summary: Alpha Harry Styles and omega Y/N Y/L/N meet under less than ideal circumstances. Overtime their paths will cross and they will be drawn to one another in ways they never expected.

Chapter Summary: After battling the symptoms of touch deprivation for weeks, Y/N sees Harry again in Chicago and he helps her deal with the worst of it.

Previous Chapters: Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3

Word Count: 4.9k

Y/N POV

“You haven’t had a nightmare in 4 days?” Rachel asks.

“Nope!” You reply happily, taking a sip of your iced caramel latte. You and Rachel both have a free afternoon and decided to meet at a local cafe. You feel so much better than you had for the last few weeks that you felt confident to order a different drink. No tea that reminds you of Sarah, no hot chocolate that makes you think of Harry.

“And you’re not using those coping mechanisms you mentioned?”

“Haven’t needed them in days.”

“And you’re still not going to tell me what they were?” You blush at this question, embarrassed by the truth.

“No, that secret may come with me to the grave,” you joke.

Rachel looks at you, slightly worried and says, “It was safe right? You weren’t like, drugging yourself to sleep were you?”

“Oh God no!” You reply with a laugh. “Nothing like that, I swear.” Though you think to yourself that Harry’s scent in its direct form would probably be so delicious that it would act like a drug to you.

“Okay, I trust you,” Rachel says. “So, have you heard from Harry?”

You sigh, slightly disappointed by the answer you have to give. “Not since the night of the concert. I’m sure he’s been busy.”

“Maybe you should text him first.”

“And maybe you are out of your mind. No way. And before you say anything, it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm the girl or he’s the alpha or any of that sexist bullshit. It has everything to do with the fact that he’s Harry Styles.” You whisper the last part, aware that you’re in public and anyone around could hear the conversation.

“So what if he’s Harry Styles?”

“What would I even text him?”

“You could start with ‘Hi, how are you?’”

“Very funny. I mean, I guess I could. Maybe. I’ll give it a couple more days.”

“Waiting for him to leave the area?”

“Something like that,” you reply.

“Speaking of procrastinating things,” Rachel says teasingly, “have you called your doctor yet? To find out why that alpha knew you’re an omega even though you’re on suppressants and scent blockers?”

“Okay, that I did not procrastinate on. I called her but I can’t get an appointment until November.”

“Seriously?”

“Yea. I mean there aren’t a lot of doctors who specialize in omegas, so they’re always booked. Anyway, she said that my body has probably just developed a resistance to the pills. She’ll try to change my regimen after the appointment and told me to use the spray on neutralizers until then.”

“That sucks.”

“It does. I am so not looking forward to changing meds. It takes awhile to find the right combo and then there’ll be all new side effects. But it’ll be worth it.”

“I wish omegas didn’t have to hide who they are.”

“Me too. But that’s just how it is now.”

From there the conversation turns to lighter topics until you part ways to continue your day.

Another week passes and you still haven’t heard from Harry. On top of that the bad dreams come back, along with the restlessness, and chills. You’ve started using the old coping mechanisms again, which barely work this time around.

The morning after his final show in New York City, your social media is flooded with videos of him receiving his banner at Madison Square Garden. If there was any time to reach out to him, now was it. He said he wanted to be friends, right? A friend would absolutely congratulate him on this achievement.

It still takes you forever to type out the message, and ever longer to find the courage to press send. It’s nearly noon by the time you text Harry, “Congrats on the banner!”

It’s a simple sentence, just four words, and you still find a way to overthink everything for the two hours it takes Harry to reply. You’re taking a walk, grateful once again that you work on your own schedule and can take a break when you need one. And right now, you need one. Because you texted a celebrity and he still hasn’t answered and you for sure made a complete fool of yourself.

You stop dead in your tracks when your phone buzzes and Harry’s name appears on your screen.

From Harry Styles: Thank you! Can’t believe I got such an honor. How are you? What are you up to?

There’s a bench nearby and you sit to reread his message five times before replying.

To Harry Styles: You deserve it! I’m good, just out for a walk. How about you?

The next message comes in much faster.

From Harry Styles: I’ve been doing well. Took it easy this morning, currently enroute to Texas for the next shows.

You can’t help but feel disappointed that he’s no longer just a city away. You know it’s silly, but it was nice that he was so close by.

To Harry Styles: Enjoy Texas!

From Harry Styles: Thank you! Have you ever been?

To Harry Styles: Once, in college. Went to San Antonio with some friends.

From Harry Styles: That’s a great city, love the river walk there!

And so, you and Harry Styes became friends who text each other about random things. You talk throughout his flight to Texas, and sporadically over the next couple of weeks. It never gets very deep, all surface level conversations, but it’s nice. You feel like you’re getting to know the real him, and he’s getting to know who you are as well.

The texts from Harry are the high points. The low points are, unfortunately, very low. The hot chocolate, and roses, and forest smelling candles are no longer helping you. Bad dreams happen almost every night, you’re constantly cold, and there’s an itch under your skin that just won’t go away. The voice in the back of your brain is telling you it’s touch deprivation, but you refuse to admit that to yourself. You’ve never needed an alpha, and you refuse to depend on one now. So no, you do NOT have touch deprivation.

You’re checking your email, and you see that there are still spots open for a job training opportunity in Chicago. You rarely go to these, but it’s been a while, and you think maybe it would be good to go. There are always new types of data software, and you found the last two training courses you attended to be pretty informative.

Looking at the dates you notice the course is the following Thursday and Friday. In Chicago. You also notice that Harry will be doing shows there at the same time. You don’t admit that’s what seals the deal for you, but it totally is.

After registering and setting up your flight and hotel reservation you send a text to Harry. You casually mention that you’ll be in Chicago the following weekend. You’re surprised when your phone starts to ring, and Harry’s name is on the screen.

You answer the phone and he’s first to speak, saying, “You’re gonna be in Chicago?”

“I am!” you reply, matching his excitement.

“Can you come to my shows?”

“Which days are they again?” You ask this to try and seem like less of a stalker.

“I’ve got one Thursday, Friday and Saturday. You’re welcome to come to as many of those as you want,” he answers.

“I think Thursday is an all-day thing, so I won’t be able to come to that one. The training ends with dinner on Friday evening so I think I could make it just in time for the concert.”

“Ok great, and Saturday?”

“I am free all-day Saturday. My flight back home is Sunday afternoon.”

“Wonderful. I’ll have tickets for you for those two shows. That is, if you want to come of course.”

“Harry, I absolutely want to come.”

“Then the tickets are yours. All the details will come from Jada. I’d be a mess without that girl.”

“You paying her well?” you ask jokingly.

“She’s compensated handsomely, I promise,” he replies with a laugh.

“Happy to hear it.”

“I uhm- it sounds like you won’t be able to come before the show Friday, correct?”

“Unfortunately, no. I’ll probably get there right before you go on.”

“Forgive me if this sounds forward, but would you want to hang out after? It would have to be at the hotel, I can’t really be out in the city after a concert.”

“Totally understand that. And yea, I’d love to hang out after.”

“Great! I’m staying at the Nobu Hotel.”

You quickly look it up and see that your hotel is close by.

“No way!” you reply. “I’m at the Crowne Plaza like, two blocks away.”

“Well, that’s convenient. I’ll make sure there’s a car to take you to Nobu after the show Friday if that works for you?”

“Yea that would be great. I’d love to hang out!” You cringe, hoping that didn’t come off too strong.

“I’d love to hang out as well. Listen I have to go to sound check for tonight’s show. I’ll text you soon. And look out for the email from Jada, it’ll have all the info you need.”

***

Harry POV

“You’re extra happy today,” Elin says as Harry bounces around the venue smiling so big that both dimples are showing.

“I am!” He replies. “Thanks for noticing!”

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Sarah asks. “Because it’s definitely not how this sound check is going.” She has a point there. No less than a dozen things have gone wrong since they started, leading them to take a break while the sound techs work out a few problems.

“Just talked to a friend who will be in town next week.”

“Oh I see,” Mitch says. “So Y/N will be here?”

“Yes, and she’ll be coming to the shows Friday and Saturday. I can’t wait to see her!”

“Aw, someone’s got a crush,” Pauli says.

Harry ignores the teasing from his band members and says, “Honestly I’ve been a bit worried about her. I’ve just had this feeling that keeps getting worse.”

“Why do you think it has to do with Y/N?” NyOh asks.

“I mean, I don’t know for sure. But we’ve talked on the phone a couple times, and she always sounds exhausted.”

“I’m sure she’s alright,” Sarah says reassuringly.

“I know, I just can’t help it.”

“I completely get that,” Sarah replies softly, looking towards her mate.

“Fixed it!” One of the sound techs calls out, effectively cutting off the conversation as Harry and the band get back to work.

***

Y/N POV

The next week passes in what feels like slow motion. Every hour drags on. Your apartment building hasn’t switched from air conditioning to heat yet, so you’re constantly wearing layers of warm clothes and burrowing under blankets. The itch under your skin only gets worse, spreading to new areas each day until there’s a maddening tingle throughout your whole body.

Amelia drops you off at the airport Wednesday afternoon. You know she can tell that something is wrong, but you don’t offer an explanation, so she doesn’t pry for details.

You put on your mask before walking into the terminal. It’s a habit leftover from the pandemic, and also a great way to block out the potential strange scents. Alphas and omegas might be rare, but there’s always a chance a few will be around in such a crowded place. You’re extra sensitive to smells at the moment due to the touch deprivation that you’ve finally admitted you have. But it’s mild. Totally manageable. Not a problem.

The plane ride and subsequent train trip and walk to the hotel is exhausting. You stop and grab some food on the way. After checking in you immediately eat your quick meal, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed.

You’re almost asleep when your phone digs with an incoming text. You’ve already texted your family and friends letting them know you’re at the hotel, so you’re annoyed that someone is interrupting your sleep.

That is, until you see who the message is from. Harry’s name pops up with a text asking if you made it safely to Chicago. You practically melt at how sweet it is that he’s checking in on you. You send a quick reply before immediately falling asleep.

The first day of the training session is typical- informative, but boring. Harry’s show is still going when you get back to the hotel, so you watch on a livestream. You’re still exhausted and fall asleep before it’s over.

Waking up the next morning is difficult. Your body feels heavy, like your bones are filled with lead. The chills seem worse than ever and you’re grateful you packed yourself a heavy sweater to wear that day. Not only is it warm, but it covers up the marks from where you’ve been scratching at the skin on your arms due to the incessant itching.

You have trouble concentrating on the training throughout the day. There was one alpha there, and he was somehow in every single session you attended. He didn’t have a bad scent per se, but his presence alone became overwhelming.

By the time the sessions are over, you feel exhausted. You debate skipping dinner altogether but know you at least need some food before you can start your walk to the United Center. The alpha, whose name you’ve learned is Andy, sits next to you at dinner. He seems nice enough, you don’t feel threatened by him, but you still want to finish dinner and get away from him as quickly as possible.

Once dessert is over you grab your bag, ready to escape. Andy stops you before you go, asking for your number. Without thinking you quickly say, “I have a boyfriend,” and hastily leave the restaurant.

You’re not far from the venue, only a few blocks away, and you’re so out of it that you barely notice where your legs are taking you. It only takes fifteen minutes to get there, but you’re on edge the whole time. Glancing at your watch you see that it’s just before 8PM, meaning Harry should still be backstage.

You’re tired, and dizzy, and a little fuzzy, but knowing you’re so close to seeing Harry again has you moving faster than you thought possible. You’ve even built up a slight sweat, and you feel warm for the first time in weeks causing you to roll up the sleeves of your sweater.

As you approach the building you hear your name being called. You turn to see Jada running up to you.

 “I didn’t think you’d be here so early! Glad I was talking to one of the security guards, you walked right past the entrance,” she says.

You smile as she hands you your VIP badge and leads you inside.

“Harry has a few minutes before he needs to finish getting ready. He’ll be glad you made it before he goes on, I know he’s been dying to see you,” Jada says, causing you to blush.

“Well, I can’t wait to see him either,” you reply.

She knocks on a door which opens a second later. The first person you see is Mitch, who gives you a hug as he says, “Hey kid, good to see you again.”

“You too!” you answer, somewhat surprised by the warm greeting.

Sarah’s there too, pulling you in to a hug next. The moment her arms wrap around your shoulders, you’re overcome with a wave of dizziness. Black spots flash in your vision and you blink rapidly to try and clear them.

“You okay, love?” she asks as she lets go and takes a step back.

After a couple deep breaths you answer, “I’m good. Practically ran here from dinner, still catching my breath I guess.”

Harry, who’s been quietly watching you quickly walks to the fridge and grabs a water bottle. You reach out your hand so he can pass it to you, and see his eyes focus on your arm. There’s no way he missed the angry red scratch marks there, but you immediately pull your sleeves back down to hide them anyway.

“Can we have a moment?” Harry asks, causing Mitch, Sarah, and Jada to promptly exit and close the door behind them. He motions to the couch, and you’re reminded of the last time the two of you were in his dressing room together.

Like the last time, you sit next to each other, but he seems to be giving you more space. This confuses you. If he’s so excited to see you, why didn’t he greet you with a hug like everyone else? And why is he so far away now? And why does he seem so serious instead of happy?

“Y/N, I have a question, and it’s kind of personal, but I’d like you to answer honestly,” he starts.

“Okay,” you reply, taken aback by this turn of events.

He’s quiet for a moment, seeming to think of exactly what he wants to ask. Finally, he settles on, “Where did those scratches come from?”

“My arms were itchy,” you reply. Not a lie, though probably not the full truth he’s looking for.

“And the dizziness? Cause I don’t think it was from your walk. You seemed fine until Sarah touched you. Until an alpha touched you.”

You know what he’s getting at. He’s no dummy. Just minutes after seeing you he’s figured out what you’ve been hiding for weeks. Hiding from everyone, including yourself.

He watches you, and you know he’s waiting for an answer. But you can’t think of one to give him. So, he continues, “Y/N, I think you have touch deprivation. Is that fair to say?”

You let out a shuddery breath and nod. “Yea, that’s fair to say.”

“It seems pretty severe.”

You finally decide to open up, saying, “It’s been getting worse the past couple weeks. I don’t think my meds are working anymore, and the soonest doctors appointment I could get still isn’t for a couple weeks.”

“I’m worried you’re close to a drop. Like, any minute now. Or that you’ll go under if I touch you. You realize that you were close with Sarah, right? That if you’d stayed in contact with her, or if she’d released any pheromones you’d be in a full drop right now?”

Part of you wants to snark back, yell at him for going full alpha male and acting like he knows your body better than you. But the problem is, he’s right. It’s been so long since the last time you dropped that you forgot what it’s like. You forgot what the signs are.

But now that he’s pointed out the obvious, you really start to feel it. He sees as you deflate, starting to fold in on yourself. His hand reaches out, wanting to comfort you in some way, but he can’t. He can’t risk sending you into a drop, not when he has a show to do in just twenty minutes.

“You’re right,” you finally say. “I didn’t realize it. I thought I was handling it, that I could make it to my doctor’s visit and get new soothers and I’d be okay. I just don’t know what to do if I don’t have meds that work.”

“I’d like to help you, if you’ll let me.”

You finally meet his eyes and see that he’s completely serious.

After a moment you nod and reply, “Okay.”

“Okay? You’ll let me help?”

“Yes. I don’t know what else to do. And uhm, I trust you. You’re a good person, Harry. A good alpha.”

He smiles at your words before glancing at the clock and saying, “I have to finish getting ready in a minute. I’d still like to hang out after the concert. I think it might be healthy for you to do a drop with me there, if you’re comfortable with that?”

“I mean, I don’t like dropping. It’s only happened to me twice before and I was alone each time, so they weren’t good experiences. But maybe it will be different if you’re there?”

“I can help you through it, if you’ll let me.”

“What would you do to help? Like, how do alphas help omegas through that?”

“It depends on what you consent to but ah, I would hold you, help you get the touch your omega needs. Most alphas will scent the omega. It lets them know that they’re not alone, that someone is there protecting them, keeping them safe while they can’t do so themselves. I’d also release calming pheromones to keep your omega relaxed.”

“Okay. I’m okay with all of that. I’d like that,” you answer. Truthfully you’re a bit nervous. Harry Styles has just offered to hold you, to scent you for goodness sakes. That’s incredibly intimate. But you’ve felt so awful for weeks, and there are still weeks to go before you can get new soothers. And this is kind of a dream come true.

“Do you want to stay here for the concert? You can hang in here or go to the VIP box. Or you can head to the hotel now and take it easy if you’d like,” he says.

“I’ll stay in here if that’s alright,” you reply.

“It’s more than alright,” he answers. “And if at any point you want to get out of here just text Jada. She can arrange a ride back to my hotel and I’ll meet you there after the show. Or if you change your mind she can get you a ride back to your hotel too.”

“Thank you, Harry. For everything.”

“Of course. I know I don’t know you all that well, but I care about you. Anyway, I uhm, need to get dressed so I’m just gonna step into the bathroom for a moment.”

“I can go in the hall for a minute, get out of your way-”

“Nonsense. You’re not in the way. I’ll be right back.”

Harry finishes getting ready, and you make yourself comfortable on the couch. A couple of people come in, touching up his hair and make-up and before you know it he’s heading to the stage.

You watch on the screen in the room for the first few songs. After a while Jada joins you and you ask if you can watch from the VIP section for a bit. It goes well until Harry and the band take a break. You’d been so focused on the music that you were distracted from everything else around you.

But now all you can hear are all the other people, and it’s overwhelming. It becomes difficult to breathe, and you start to see dark spots once again.

You turn to Jada, and she immediately leads you back to the dressing room.

“Do you want to wait for Harry, or do you want to leave now?” she asks.

“I think I should go,” you reply.

“To your hotel, or his?”

“Harry’s, please.”

“Okay, wait here, I’ll get the car and come back for you in a minute.”

You sit back on the couch, seeking out Harry’s scent to calm you, but it’s barely noticeable.

Jada comes back and you follow her to the car. It’s a quiet ride to the hotel, and once there, she goes with you to the suite.

His room is on the top floor. It’s big, basically a full apartment, and you stay in what seems to be the living room. Jada sits on the couch with you, and you say, “I feel like you have more important things to do than babysit me.”

She laughs and says, “It’s not babysitting. I like hanging out with you. And you’re a priority to Harry. Which makes you a priority to me.”

The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence for a while until Jada’s phone buzzes. “Shows over,” she says. “Harry’s just getting changed and then he’ll be here soon. He said you can borrow some of his clothes if you want to get comfy.”

You hesitate and she adds, “I have no problem going through his stuff. I can grab you some clothes if you want.” You laugh at that and nod.

A short while later you’ve changed into a pair of Harry’s sweatpants, as well as a t-shirt and hoodie. They smell like him, and you shamelessly inhale the scent you’ve been craving for weeks. The suite door opens, and Harry walks in, looking incredibly cozy in his own pair of sweats.

“Thank you, Jada,” he says. “Get some rest, you’ve earned it.”

“Night guys,” she says as she leaves the room.

You’re left alone with Harry. It feels different, here in his hotel room, surrounded by his belongings, while you’re wearing his clothes.

“You left early,” he says.

“Sorry,” you reply.

“Don’t be. I’m just worried as to why you left.”

“I was just overwhelmed. Needed some quiet.”

“I understand. Y/N, are you ready for this? You still seem on the edge of a drop.”

“I’m ready.”

“And have you changed your mind about anything? Or is it okay if I hold and scent you through this?”

You pause for a moment, scared at how vulnerable you’re about to be. “I haven’t changed my mind. I want you to do that. I trust you.”

He takes a step towards you. “Thank you, for trusting me. We’ll probably be more comfortable in the bed.”

“Lead the way,” you say.

It’s awkward at first, the two of you sitting next to each other in his bed, backs resting against the headboard.

He turns to you and says, “Can I hold you now?”

You nod, and his arms wrap around you, pulling you until you’re tucked under his chin and resting against his chest.

Everything starts to get fuzzy, and you feel yourself losing consciousness. It’s an unsettling feeling, but you know that Harry is there to help you through this.

The last thing you hear before it all goes black is Harry calmly saying, “I’ve got you. Let go. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Harry can’t describe the helplessness he feels as you go limp in his arms. He doesn’t allow himself to stress, or panic, knowing that his emotions will impact you. Instead, he takes some calming breaths and thinks through everything he knows he needs to do in this situation.

He hears you whimper quietly as you start to shiver, and he doesn’t hesitate to soothe you. It takes some maneuvering, but soon you’re both laying down in the bed. He tucks his nose into your neck and begins to scent you, releasing calming pheromones until you relax.

It continues this way for the next couple of hours. Harry holds you, and scents you, his nose rubbing against the gland in your neck. During one moment when you seem particularly distressed he can’t help but place kisses there to soothe you faster.

Finally, you start to stir. It takes longer than Harry had anticipated, so he’s relieved when your eyes meet his after hours of being closed.

“Hey there,” he says with a soft smile.

“Hi,” you answer groggily. “How long?”

“Couple hours. Your inner omega needed the rest. Now you need some too. Go to sleep, I’ve got you.”

It’s the same words he said before you dropped. You wish you could hear that all the time. No one has cared for you before, not like this. It feels good, but you remind yourself not to get used to it. Still, you curl into his embrace, enjoying every moment of contact with Harry that you can get.

The next thing you know, it’s late morning. You’re still cuddling against Harry, and his deep breaths indicate he’s still sleeping.

You feel amazing. You’re nice and warm, your mind is clear, and the constant itch and restlessness are nonexistent. You’re extremely grateful, but at the same time, you’re annoyed that you need to depend on another person just to feel normal. But you don’t dwell on that. Because Harry is starting to stir next to you.

“Hey,” he says when your eyes meet his. “How do you feel? Sleep okay?” God, you could melt at the gravelly sound of his morning voice.

“I’m good. Feel better than I have in a long time. And according to that clock, I slept wonderfully.” The two of you laugh, seeing that it’s nearly noon.  

“I was hoping to treat you to a nice breakfast, but I guess I missed the window on that,” Harry says, continuing to laugh with you. “I do still have plenty of time before I need to be at the arena. Would you like to spend the afternoon with me exploring Chicago?”

“I’d love to,” you reply. His face breaks out in a huge smile before he leans down, once again running his nose along your scent gland. You go limp at the feeling, happily submitting to him.

You don’t think about the fact that this is temporary. That you leave to fly home tomorrow afternoon. That you’ll be without his alpha scent once again.

Instead, you think about the hours you have ahead of you, hours to spend with Harry. Nothing could be more perfect.  

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AN: Thank you so much for reading! This was one of the scenes I imagined when I first thought of the story and I'm so happy that it's finally shared with you all!

Taglist: @akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite@theekyliepage@numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry@ssareidbby @gem1712 @acesofspadess@houseofdilfs@shaquille-0atmeal-1@kissitnhekitchen @amateurduck @poguestyleskye@n0vaj3an@snwells@drunk-teens-doing-drugs ; @fdl305@creativelyeva@daphnesutton@selluequestrian@lovingfurypanda @stardream14 @tbsloneely@eversincehs1@boomitsallie1@rose-garden-dreamz @fictionalmensblog @buckybarnessimpp

[lonelyroommp3]

ages ago i asked what makeup you wear and you gave a lovely answer. IF YOU LIKE (cos obviously maybe you don't want to) i would LOOOVVEEE an update

okay HONESTLY i don't actually have much of an update because my makeup routine is in a very much "if it ain't broke don't fix it" phase so very few products or steps have changed iirc - HOWEVER i know leaving the message at that will prompt at least one other anon to come out of the woodwork like "wait so where's the original makeup routine ask" and hand on heart, i know i am never finding that shit, so let me run through it again:

(also disclaimer this is very much my Going Out makeup look, day to day i will do nothing at all or at most brows + mascara + a bit of concealer. before anyone thinks i'm using 20 products daily and has a go at me for it, you never know on this website)

brows: i think this is one of the few steps that HAS changed because now for brow gel i use got2be glued instead of whatever i was doing before. to fill them in though i still use the MUA thin brow pencil because it's a perfect match for my hair colour, i like the formula, and, most importantly, it's literally like £3

eyes:

first off i prime with my concealer (sleek in your tone longwear concealer) & set that with my powder (still on a multi year streak of the relove by revolution super matte pressed powder, i have gone through so many of these it's embarrassing). i know you're not "supposed" to set your eye primer bc leaving it tacky makes the eyeshadow more vibrant but have you considered: the texture.

anyway eyeshadow i will just do whatever because i have 5000 ancient palettes i'm still trying to use up, when i say ancient i mean my go to combo is still (although i've very nearly panned them now, please clap) two of the neutral shades (obsessed and SBN) from the original jaclyn hill morphe palette. it's not expired if it hasn't given me conjunctivitis and that's all i'll say on the matter.

THEN i do my eyeliner (still on the NYX pen, have failed to find anything that stays as well).

i technically leave mascara to my very last step but i'll lump it in here, barry m that's how i roll, literally a like for like dupe for benefit roller lash and it's only a fiver or something iirc

face

ahh, the foundation struggle. it literally took me about 6 years of my "full face of makeup" wearing life to find one that a) matched my skin tone and b) sat right on my skin. and then i found one (missguided's meet your match) and then the brand discontinued their entire makeup range. i'm still squeezing out the last dregs of that bottle but i WILL say at halloween alex gave me a bunch of random makeup she didn't want and among those was the collection lasting perfection matte foundation. it does not match my slightly quirky undertone quite as well as my fallen princess from missguided does, but the wear is fantastic

concealer and powder as above

for contour i use another revolution palette, one of the little trios from their relove range in the shade sugar, not 100% sold on it because it pulls very warm but i've not bothered finding a good cooler toned substitute yet. then if i'm doing a proper night out full face i'll add the revolution summer of love bronzer (mainly just the darker shade) for some shimmer & dimension. please don't ask me about my superdrug points history with the amount of revolution shit i'm buying. i should have stocks in the company

for blush: IF i'm doing a full night out look then before powder i'll throw in the missguided (rip) stop i'm blushing liquid blush. super pigmented, super cute. if not i'll just use the blush from the aforementioned revolution palette which i LOOOOVE because it's got a really strong gold shimmer in it, v unique

highlighter: still on my sleek solstice palette grind always and forever, i use the yellowy shade for my cheeks and the peachy one for browbone/inner corner/etc. i also used to use a couple of the lightest shades from the jaclyn hill morphe palette but i panned those LONG ago

lips: i always start off with the barry m plumping lip gloss. i doubt it actually does anything cosmetically but it's the thought that counts and i do like the feel of the formula (plus i think doing a lip gloss first makes the matte lipstick to follow less. crusty feeling). THEN if it's a big night out i will first line & then fill in my lips with a sephora liquid lipstick, cannot remember the shade number and the sticker's come off but it's like a reddy orangey dark nude. however this step is on hiatus because i LOST MY LIP BRUSH IN THE CLUB ON NYE!!!!!!!!! anyway then if i'm really fancying it i'll throw in a very very old definitely expired fenty beauty lipstick in the shade snake skin :))

ETA: forgot to say - to set i use the revolution sports fix setting spray (i like to do this before applying highlighter & then do that step while my skin is still very slightly damp to give it a little more oomph) and then, because i am a theatre kid, if i know i'm going to be out for ages i use hairspray on top. this is NOT GOOD FOR YOUR SKIN and i am probably experiencing low grade solvent abuse side effects from accidentally inhaling it a couple of times so STRICTLY SPEAKING I DO NOT RECOMMEND DOING THIS, but i will say i slept in my makeup after nye and apart from a bit of smudging where i'd been on the snogs the majority of it had not budged. so the efficacy is there even if the health consciousness is not

[alicepooryorick]

i NEED to know about the Shiva Child Support WIP. please.

Ok well tumblr deleted my last attempt at posting a reply. Let's try again.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61856011

This is actually a multi chapter fic im in the last three or four chapters of, basing off of the idea of given how Shiva hates Bruce and his whole "wanting Cass to be the perfect crime fighter" thing which, while there's other stuff going on there yes, I think Shiva wouldn't be the happiest as she does care in her own way, and something something forget if this is canon or Fanon, but the idea that Bruce reminds her of Cain. The TLDR is that she'd be REALLY happy Barbara is the one caring after Cass primarily, as she'd respect Barbara at least SLIGHTLY having been a Bird. Shiva would, therefore, BC I do think she cares about Cass in her own way, want Barbara looking after Cass. To the point where maybe an incentive would be involved. But Barbara famously just steals all the money she needs, therefore Shiva would have to offer something else, as it's Shiva... Maybe her skills as a general threat would do. So she offers Barbara some favours as "child support"

The general interpretation of Shiva I went with is as a really mentally unwell, good in her own way, but also kinda bugs Bunny type. She's mischievous, she does care a lot more than she would sometimes expect, but this is still fundamentally the woman that killed her humanity to achieve divinity as a coping mechanism.

Anyway it then went from crack fic to a real thing I was putting effort into after chapter 4 where Shiva talked through me directly and suddenly there was a fake dating subplot.

Anyway here's an excerpt

乁⁠༼⁠☯⁠‿⁠☯⁠✿⁠༽⁠ㄏ

A couple months had passed now since the last time Barbara had requested aid, Shiva had figured there was nothing to do rather thab she was free, and it seemed she had been correct. She'd been called again, this time as a very precise time. Barbara normally gave her a day's window to appear, but now, Barbara had it down to the minute in her message, and so here Shiva was, curious, as she knocked on the door.

The last few times, it was simple in-out quests for Barbara. Shiva had been more or less fetching things for Barbara that the Batgirls were to busy for. This time, it felt different.

Shiva was let inside, following the same route as usual, finding Barbara in the living room on her wheelchair. The woman's traditional wifebeater and cargo pants were replaced this time with more formal attire. Formal for Barbara at least, Shiva was sure she could dress nicer, but she'd yet to see proof.

"An occasion?"

"Hello again, Shiva."

"Hello Barbara. What is the meaning of this summoning?"

For once, the woman before her had no quick answer. She seemed... Embarrassed. Like she didn't want to say.

"Batman and Nightwing are coming over to have what I'm sure is to be a very... Mature conversation." The woman's mouth dripped with sarcasm that fronted the tells that Shiva saw that told her Barbara hated this.

"I can kill them"

"That's a horrible idea."

"It's on the table."

"We aren't killing Bruce or Dick"

"Fine but I'll make it clear I could. It's not like Gotham doesn't have our daughter."

"We do not want Cassandra becoming Bruce. I'm trying to give her a life beyond the bat, remember?"

"Like Steph?"

"Like her dance, Shiva."

This time, Shiva was quieted. Cassandra had taken to dancing? It made sense, fighting and dance were one and the same. But, to not know, Shiva wasn't sure what the feeling was. Like training weights on her shoulders that she could not remove.

"I... I didn't know."

"I know."

Shiva stood, silent, not letting this get to her, or at least not so much so as to reach her exterior. Of course Barbara would know more of Cass's life than she did. But all the same, there was something about not knowing. She'd never wanted this child, but she wanted to know more about her.

"Does Bruce know?"

"He funds her training."

The weights increased. Bruce knew, that damn man.

"What are you going to do, Shiva. Cassandra loves him. She stays here most of the time, but she's his too, emotionally at least."

"He adopted her too."

"Who do you take me for, Shiva. The world is digital. There's no proof I wasn't the one to adopt her."

"This is why you're her mother." Shiva smiled, as lo g as Bruce had little power, she was happy.

"Damn right."

It was at that point a knock sounded at the door. Barbara started, but Shiva stopped her, rathering to make the terms of conflict known.

"By the way, where's Charlie?" Shiva asked, walking to the door. The kid amused her, looking back at it. The kid was good but sloppy. If the kid wanted to be a superhero, perhaps Shiva should offer some training. She did enjoy that act.

Shiva got to the door and opened it, staring an unmarked Batman and Nightwing in the face, "Hello Bruce. Hello Dick."

Bruce tried to hide his suprise. Shiva was sure that it was a very impressive attempt to any other, but Bruce might as well have narrated his actions. 'The Batman was suprised' Shiva could all but see the subtitles say.

Dick, for his part, got angry. "What are you doing here, Shiva? This is a private conversation."

"Don't talk to me like that, Dick. It's not befitting of either of us."

"What are you doing here, Shiva. Where's Barbara?"

"She's waiting in the living room. I thought I'd get the door."

"For Barbara?"

"Believe it or not I can be nice to some people."

"You haven't answered the question."

"She asked me to be."

"This is private."

"You can take that up with her. You know even both of you can't make me leave. Dick, I saw that muscle twitch. I'll happily prove my point."

The boys glared at her, and Shiva smiled. This was more interesting so far than those fetch quests Barbara had sent her on the last few times. Maybe she'd even get a good fight out of this. Bruce nor Dick were particularly at any threat to Shiva alone, but two versus one would almost make it somewhat challenging, given their team work and unspoken communication.

"You still haven't answered the question Shiva. Why are you here?"

"I told you. Barbara asked me to be, so I came."

"What, so you just listen to Barbara now?"

"Sometimes." Shiva shrugged.

"Why?" Dick said, staring at her, the rage somewhat contained. Shiva figured he was angry before this, did Barbara really have to put up with this all the time? She'd been under the impression this was Mr. Sunshine. She sighed, she missed Charlie, at least she was a child when being this annoying. Frankly, Shiva was tiring of this. She wondered how much work it would be to simply have the Gotham chapter of her Order replace these two in patrolling. Let Barbara handle the information... Maybe that would be something to mention to Barbara. For now though, they were asking stupid questions.

"You try saying no to her. Oh wait, nevermind. You're the reason I'm here now." She responded, floating a bit of love and gloat in her voice, wondering if they'd interpret that as she wished. "Besides, it's always nice to come over and see the pretty lady." If that didn't drop the hint hard enough, she didn't know what would. Here was your stupid answer, Bruce and Dick: Barbara and Shiva were a thing.

Shiva heard a slap behind her; from the living room, skin on skin, hand against face it sounded like. Oh well.

Dick, for his part, stared at her. Where Barbara had well oiled cogs turning through her mind, Shiva wasn't sure what mechanical force to describe Dick thinking as. It was closer to as if he'd thrown that stupid baton he called a weapon- why he'd throw his only weapons was beyond her but she didn't train him, that was obvious - and was waiting for it to bounce around enough to hit the answer in the head. Or, maybe more accurately, an answer. Maybe this lie was to ridiculous.

"Barbara?! What the hell?!"

Nope.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Wayne Jackson x Reader || Oneshot

Plot: Lyle demands that you find some nice clothes for Wayne so that he can be seen with him in public and not be embarrassed. Simultaneously, you're dealing with a particularly bad Tinder match sending you eggplants.

You help Wayne to be presentable and Wayne helps you to make a wierdo leave you alone.

Warnings: Sexual references as well as mentions of dick picks.

*I wanted to write for Greasy and Wheezy Weasel... but also Jim Bickerman... this is the natural conclusion XD

Tagging: @masqueradeball and @slxsherwriter

"Ooookay, look... " You feel like a master chef judge except theirs no cake, there's just Wayne. Disappointing. "The outfit is fine, you cant go wrong with a clean shirt and jeans." Clearing your throat, you turn promptly to the men's jackets section of T.K. Max, wondering to the medium section and giving the choices a quick overlook. "You just need a good coat- because this jean jacket and hoodie combination is not it. You're a 60 year old man not a 19 year old drug dealer, dress like it."

"Thought I was."

"No."

Giving a sigh as you look through the options, because this is absolutely not what you would like to be doing today (Though, it still beat answering the phone right now), you pick out a few of the coats and hand them over to Wayne. You choose a coat in off-white, too, but pause. You look at him and screw up your nose in a wince, considering what he does for a living. He shakes his head. No. Bad idea. Put it back.

Shame; he'd look good in white.

"Anyway, we'll also pick up a few more shirts and jeans because you cant live on a rotation of 3 to 2 ratio. No. We might get you a haircut too, and maybe- "

"God. You wanna shave me, too??" He cuts you off, and you hear the exaggerated sarcasm clear as day, but still give him a deeply unamused.

"No, the beard's sexy." You say bluntly, feeling your phone buzz in your back pocket and fighting off a frustrated sigh; knowing exactly who it was from. "-Thats your only redeeming feature right now. Don't say crazy stuff like that!, because I do not have the patience for it today."

The man gives you a sheepish shrug, but looks wholly shut up. "... jeez... You're a real ball a' joy, today."

You feel the tell-tale buzz again, and let air whisper out from between your lips in frustration. "... you have no idea."

"Great." Wayne rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed at this whole situation just like you. And you get it- if your cousin said he was embarrassed of you and demanded someone else take you out and dress you at the crack of dawn on a Saturday then you'd be pretty damn annoyed, too. You're about to offer an olive branch, ask if he wants to get something to drink before you start, but then a mischievous vulgar grin spreads across his rough-looking face and immediately you groan. Before words even come out. This goddamn man- "... Hey, I do like to hear ya think I'm sexy, though. How about that, huh?"

Without a word, you deadpan-point him towards the changing rooms.

~

Its a couple of hours later and- to be honest- you are in a better mood, now. This is definitely better then answering your Tinder messages, at least. For sure.

At first all the two of you did was argue, until you marched him out of the store to get a coffee. You found, after that, that you were both far more likeable people with a caffeinated/sugary drink in your hands. You got along a lot better, then.

After a few try-on's, you both agreed on a plain old grey long coat. not quite a trench coat, because he's creepy enough you think, but nothing fancy either, with nice deep pockets. That feature particularly made him happy, and you couldn't blame him. Pockets make you happy, too. You didn't think about what he might want to put in the pockets, though he did try to tell you. You didn't want to know.

"No- but wait, see here?? I could totally fit a- "

"Thats okay Wayne, I don't need to know."

"B- "

"No."

*Huff* "Suit yourself. ... Hm, but I might even be able to get me in here some- " This man chose to look up and wriggle his eyebrows at you, almost causing you to choke on a laugh. Almost. "You know."

Okay, you're not made of stone. At this you did snort; shaking your head. "No, I don't know."

"... you wanna?"

"Nope."

Now Wayne was just trying a few pairs of jeans (He offered to let you in so you could 'help him'... you politely turned that oh so very kind and beyond charming offer down with a 'no you're a big boy; I have the utmost faith in you that you can do it' and an encouraging pat on the shoulder), and while you sat outside the changing rooms with the coat hung over your legs and a basket half full with some more shirts in various cobalt hue's, you finally see fit to open up your phone for the first time in the day and... oh, boy.

You wince.

"Yep," You mutter, shaking your head and shifting to make sure no one was around to see. "Thats a penis."

God, what is wrong with men?

'U gotta send me some now' the guy, Brandon, texts you then seeing that you were online. 'Thats fair'. You groan. Oh no you do not.

When Wayne comes out of one of the changing rooms, tucking his shirt into his new jeans, you quickly switch off your phone and lower it into your lap. A second ago you were having a good day (A good day! With crazy Wayne of all people!), but now... aghhh, you just wanted to go home. Be alone. Lament over the fact that, at this rate, you're never going to find a man you have any kind of real chemistry with. "- that looks great." You say quickly, flashing a kind smile and getting up. "We'll get a couple of those. Its all on Lyle, anyway. Come on, lets ring up. You wanna get Taco Bell on the way back?- "

"Uh uh uh," As you're attempting to walk by Wayne and head for the registers, he grabs you by the crook of your arm and stops you right there. "What just happened here?"

Taking a deep breath, you cross you arms and face him; never mind the proximity he set. "Nothing. We've been out for hours, and I'm tired."

"You are not." He growls, then you peer and watch a sly grin spread across his face. "You cant lie to a liar, sweetheart, trust me. But hey," Suddenly he plucks your phone right out of your hand, making you yelp and go wide-eyed. Oy- "lets see for ourselves what the problem is, huh?"

"No, no, no- " You reach for the phone as soon as you see it, but he turns around.

Your phone comes to life and, holding the device just out of your reach (Well, you could move and grab it, but at this point you're frozen out of mortification), Wayne flicks to the most recently opened app. Then the photo's slide across the screen again and your nose wrinkles. "Ahhhh... " You roll your eyes deeply. You can imagine the nasty grin on the dirty old man's face without even seeing it. "... So? You gonna uhh... repay the favour, or not? Hm??" He chuckles. and you groan.

"What do you think?" You ask his back, rubbing your face.

"Well I'm sure I don't know- "

"No! The answer is no!"

"Heheh,.. " Suddenly an odd calm settles over Wayne, and you hear rather then see the phone shut off. Then there's a consoling tone in his voice that makes you nervous. "Alright, we can go. I'm all done here, after all, aren't I? Nothin for my Cuz to be embarrassed about anymore, hm? Lemme just put my old pants back on."

"Okay... thank you... ... hey, wait, gimmie back my phone, first- "

"Not just yet."

... that sure makes you nervous.

For the few moments you're waiting for him you tug your bottom lip between your teeth, worried. You just want your phone back! You want to delete. Tinder. damnit.

When Wayne's in there for a few moments too long, you awkwardly approach and knock on the door. "... Way- "

He opens the door almost as soon as your knuckles hit the surface, startling you, and hands you the phone back with a terrible, satisfied look on his face.

... you squint. "What did you do."

"Nothin'." He tells you back, noncommittally; shrugging and adjusting his pants as you open up your phone and navigate back to Tinder.

...

...

...

..

...

..- "OH." Immediately you turn off your phone all the way again and cross your arms, fighting to urge to throw it. THATS not gonna give you nightmares at all. After a moment, your eyes flick to Wayne grinning proud. "... why."

"Well he aint gonna bother you no more now, is he?"

"The concept of your penis does seem to have that effect on people." You say... but cant help it. You laugh, shaking your head; more an inappropriate cackle then a laugh, really. It feels good. "Come on lets go,.. Flaccid, and everything. Very sexy, Wayne."

"I thought so." He's still grinning with pride, and that only makes your giggles worse.

"Move it, Jackson."

~

You did end up getting lunch on the way back, opting to eat in the parking lot on the hood of the car, and you're still sipping coke when you pull into Wayne's driveway. He lives with Dale, its the only way the two of them can afford a semi-decent place with the wages that Lyle pays them, and as you slowly roll over the driveway you see Dale's motorbike in the open garage. He must be working on it today.

When Wayne pipes up from the passenger seat, you turn and watch him while chewing the paper straw in your taco bell cup. "Welll, this has been sorta fun, sweetheart. Coulda been more fun," He gives you a meaningful look and you shake your head, but grin with the straw still between your teeth. He clears his throat, opening the car door. "But, eh, not bad."

"Not bad??" You ask, teasing. "My company is just 'not bad'??"

There's a wicked look in his eye and on his face. "... yep."

"Ass."

"Never claimed to be anything else, did I now?" With that light-hearted but very true remark, Wayne turns to get out of the car- but a crazy split-second urge has you putting down your drink and stopping him.

"Wayne?- "

"Huh?- "

When your lips meet in a deep kiss with the old bastard you didn't even know you wanted until then, you feel every nerve in your body light up. Its slow and a little dirty, and you love it. You didnt know you could be kissed like this. So when you pull back you cant help the smirk that matches his.

"... well, now I think you're company's a lil better, Y/N." You snort, at that. "What? I manage t' seduce you with that photo? Hm?"

You roll your eyes and give a sigh. "Good lord- "

[aleksa-sims]

Hi!

First off, I LOVE your story. You’re so strong and every obstacle you over came made you into the beautiful person you are.

Second, I have a question, you don’t have to answer .. but does writing about your life eve trigger old emotions or make you sad during the harder times? I just always wonder how a writer feels when they’re writing their stories esp. when it’s a personal one.

I adore you. 🤍

Hey, friend! 🤗

Thank you sm! This is so sweet! 🤧 ���💜💜 and I apologize for my "long" absence. This week school started and well, was a bit hectic and stressful.

And of course, I’ll answer your question. You can ask me anything!

To your question. When I started with that Simself thing (2 or 3 years ago), I didn’t think anything serious about it. It was just some kind of... gameplay fun?

I remember having Sandra’s Simself in my library. Seeing her Simself made me so sad. I came up with the idea to tell her/our story. By now, most of you few, who still follow my story after all this time, know, that Sandra is no longer with us. 😞 Sandra was a part of my life. We were together all the time. But somehow I couldn’t understand certain things Sandra did or experienced. I'm simply not her! But I will tell what happend to S.! Soon. I just have to.

And the more I started to tell about myself, my family & Sandra, the more... complex it became. And I remember how unpopular Nico was at the beginning.🤭 A nice person here, was even worried about me and my little son. 😬 She knew I was still with him. But I wasn't offended or upset. I understand, some topics are serious and I certainly have often expressed myself incorrectly. My English was totally shitty, bad & embarrassing. 😶‍🌫️🤦‍♀️

Over time, however, I decided to write about my addiction. This was hard! I was ashamed and totally nervous when I first posted it. But I got a very nice message from another Simblr here. She had the same issue and we even become friends. But unfortunately, she is no longer active here on Tumblr. Idk what happend to her? ☹️ Maybe some of you know who I mean?...

Back to the topic: As for my addiction, I noticed that I can write about it without getting/having this ....craving for that drug. I totally forgot after almost 7 years, how it even feels to be high. And do not intend to do this shit ever again!

As for my feelings and emotions, yea, I cried when I told certain things. It made me sad, but I knew the future and this fact made it possible for me, to continue. That I could write about Nico's & my break-up, I only succeeded, because I knew this wasn't our end. He was right next to me, in the room next door, while I was writing about it.

As for Daniel, the whole thing looks totally different. When I started to write about this... triangle thing between Philip, Nico and me, I didn’t want to tell/write about Daniel a little later in the future. I was afraid I’d be considered crazy. I mean, this is insane and also embarrassing, what I have experienced and done with those 3 men. I thought when I started telling you about Daniel and that I even got married to him, nobody would take me seriously anymore. How can I fall in love with 3 different men, in just one damn year? You know? But when I played with Daniel’s Simself, I realized I couldn’t do this to him! 😭 I felt so bad, that I decided to just tell the truth. Even if people don’t take me seriously afterwards or think I’m a lunatic, hidding the truth or changing reality, is just weak and cowardly. Also why I wasn't sure, if I should tell about Daniel is, I was afraid of the feelings I still had for him. I knew, once I remember Daniel and the time with him... my life, my reality, will become complicated. But it was too late anyway. Daniel was already in my mind and heart, before I mentioned him here. And actually last year, I went through a very though time. I was depressed. It was hard for me to write about my life. I just didn’t see any hope. Mainly, because of my illness. My leukemia levels have worsened. As it looked, I had to take a new drug which has very serious side effects. So I got panic attacks again and was afraid to leave our home. The only task I could do alone was to pick up my son from kindergarten. I couldn’t do anything outside our four walls by myself without help, without Nico or someone else by my side. I was just scared...

I decided to continue my story. I thought, if I can do that, I can continue IRL too! The chapter Daniel went on forever. 🥵😔I noticed that I can’t let go of Daniel, neither in Sims nor in my reality. I just wanted to move on and finally close Daniel's & my chapter. But it was hard. IRL I started to withdraw. I didn’t let anyone get to me. All the feelings and emotions that have been triggered by writing my story have made something clear to me. I had to see Daniel! And I swear, seeing him and having him with me, helped me get out of my depression. The darkness that surrounded me faded, thanks to him. ❤️

So yes, writing about my life definitely brought up emotions in me and also opened up old wounds. But some wounds that I thought would never heal, are gone. Just because I told and wrote about it, I was able to reflect on some experiences and conclude with them. Especially my relationship with Nico has become more stable.❤️

Anyway, telling my story taught me one thing! After every difficult, hard life phase, follows a good one. Last year was hell, but I managed to take care of myself and my health. And I also got good news about my illness last month. My leukemia levels stabilized and I didn’t have to change my medication. Even if everything seems hopeless, small miracles can happen. And so that these little miracles don’t fall into oblivion, I write about them. Certainly not perfect and flawless. I am still learning. And I lost a lot of time last year, because I wrote and posted so irregularly, but I hope that I will get better in the future and my posts will be shorter again. 😬

Thank you sm for this ask. You also inspired me to improve my storytelling skills, reading your stories helped me a lot and I love Delilah. I’m always excited when I click on your posts to catch up on Deli’s life.💜🤗

[animescapist]

ANIME REACTION YUBISAKI TO RENREN Episode 2

Nice. So I properly listened and watched the opening song this time. The song feels warm and chilly at the same time. It evokes a sort of fuzzy feeling while listening to it and I also a sense of care and worry in how it is sung, so I think it suits the series well. I also really like these types of emotional songs. I think songs from the Fruits Basket remake comes to mind.

Ahhh, I'm on my period so listening to it made me tear up a bit.

Rin, the wingwoman. It's cool to have friends like her, but personally if my friend found out who I liked, I'd feel like running away from it all out of embarrassment and because I know they would do everything to ship me and the person I like. Hahahahaha. Yuki is brave for real.

Pft! Relatable moment.

Oh no. NONONONONONONO

Bro, didn't hold back! Is he just an airhead? Or like, does he blurt words out without thinking much? Straightforward? AAAAAA (*≧∀≦*)

Hmm, so. Yuki. That night. His message. You guys... weren't flirting?? HUHHH??? I'm pretty sure no guy just says that outta nowhere. (￣ ﹌ ￣)>

And, well, if I have to answer this question, Yuki right now is in a crush phase. You cannot tell yet that you love someone just by meeting them a few times or admiring one or two things about them. Love embraces everything. And to embrace someone wholeheartedly is to know them through and through. Yuki has yet to know everything about this... this guy's name I don't remember.

... oh no. A childhood friend who already communicates with her in sign language. You can already tell how much he cares for her. But if he's gonna be salty that she found a person she likes, that's on him, honestly. He's not entitled to prevent her from liking anybody else besides him. Anyway, I'm expecting the worse here. I'll give his character the benefit of doubt. He just looks so insecure, haha. I could be biased, of course.

I knew Rin would pick up on that.

If his character is like this, and Yuki being the way she is, well, nothing would happen between them if he doesn't express himself honestly. If only he wasn't so tsundere about it. If you repress or hide these positive emotions, nobody gains from it but what comes is imminent regret. Remember this well, guys.

See here, Yuki is great for not holding herself back in expressing her true feelings and intentions. She knew that what she truly wants is to create a connection between her and this guy. So instead of withdrawing the offer, she welcomes it and looks forward for their next meeting. That is beautiful and genuine.

The fact that this guy opened this conversation though is also very thoughtful. The very notion of considering whether she would want a souvenir or not would only come to his mind if he felt he wanted to bring her souvenirs, but he also asks her first which I think is even more considerate because if he had bought them without even asking her (and they're technically just acquaintances), that would have been really weird. So this guy also made sure to deliver his intentions across without hesitation.

Mm. I feel another insecure character has appeared. I could be wrong again. Haha. She looks like she has things going on. Also, I'm gonna guess that she likes him. Insecure people attract each other. Who said that? Me. ☆⌒(≧▽​° )

凸(￣ヘ￣) Red flag. Control freak.

That look screams she likes him. Hmmmm.

Okay, I learned his name. Itsuomi. He's able to surround himself with locals and be close with them. That is already a very admirable trait. The fact that he travels suggests his openness and curiosity towards places, things and people. It's the eagerness to understand a culture or a person and the drive for exploration I think make him very admirable.

OH SHIT. DUDE IS SECRETLY LEARNING! ( ͡°⁄ ⁄ ͜⁄ ⁄ʖ⁄ ⁄ ͡°)

Yes, it's good to realize what you want sooner than later. If you want this to be love girl, go for it. Get 'im!

I expected that, but it still caught me off guard. Hahahaha.

So I had a few guys pat my head for no reason when I was still in high school. I also couldn't bring myself to look at them while they patted my head. I don't know, man. What are you supposed to do in that situation? Get angry? Stay silent? Question them? Evade? Neither seems right. I can sort of understand if they were older like a teacher or a parent. But if they were your friends, colleagues, your peers . . .

What would you do?

Oh, so she can also see these things. Then does she know? That he means well, but has a difficult and shelled personality?

Ehh... I mean you did fall in love. But I would say that emotion right now is attraction and adoration, not the kind of realistic and grounded love that develops over a long time, involving mutual understanding and compromise.

Though I can say that she does love him in a sense that she wants to build a bond. Right now, she loves his presence, his demeanor, his looks (of course), his overall aura.

[16-pennies]

Literally hurling myself into your ask box to say I LOVE Silver and I am shamefully, shamefully behind on reading it.

Have you ever done that thing where you open a fic in a tab, burn through 50k of it in a day, and then like... lose the tab? And forget to subscribe? And then come back months later and you can't even remember what chapter you got to???

It's completely disgraceful and I'm going to be re-reading it from the beginning, which actually just works out as a wonderful little treat for myself!

Aaaaanyway that's my grovelling done. Sorry you're bored and lonely! That sucks :( AMA literally whenever I'm never busy lol

So a question for you!

How are you feeling now you're so close to the end of Silver?! From the dates it looks like you're on track for finishing it almost exactly two years after starting it! Do you have something else that you're working on next, or are you taking a well-deserved break?

Hi hi hi!!! Thank you so much for the ask <3 And you're so relatable. The number of fics I've half-read and then completely lost track of is embarrassing. I'd love to hear your thoughts as you embark on your reread!

I didn't even notice that Silver might wrap up on its 2 year anniversary. It's strange to think of how much my life has changed in that period. As to how I'm feeling... nervous 😬 I have no problem admitting that plot is my weakness and I think satisfying endings are difficult for me. I'd hate to think that my readers made it through 220k+ only to feel like I could've wrapped it up better.

But other than my own insecurity, I'm excited to be able to say I have a completed draft for such a massive word count. There are still a few scenes I need to fill in, which is why I don't know exactly how many chapters are left.

I'll probably make a more detailed post about this when the story is finished, but I came up with the premise for Silver and wrote the first chapter(s) when I was 15. (So if you're rereading those early chapters, sorry about the lesser quality. I did my best with editing.) I didn't come back to it until I was 21. It's been an interesting journey, writing characters that I looked up to and now am much older than.

Anyway. Let me stop there before I philosophise for thousands of words.

Since I finished the bulk of Silver in 2021, I've been working on my next longfic (thought not as long as Silver) I'm calling The Trial. It's a lumione, post-canon Ministry shenanigans with some trauma not-quite-recovery thrown in. I know that ship isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's been my guilty pleasure for years and I'm excited to write something more substantial than one-shots for them. It's also been one of the most challenging drafts I've ever worked on, as far as process goes, but that's a different conversation.

That's probably way more answer than you asked for, so I'll stop here, but if you ever want to chat my ask/messages/whatever else are always open!

bel

[multipleoccupancy]

Theo drew in a breath as they spoke of what it had been like after Sloane's betrayal. He missed working with Samantha in the field but he was so relieved she had an office position that kept her safe instead. He thought about Violet and her potential disorders. He had noticed she stayed away from the big window in the past, but he also understood why. "They manifest and you work them out as you go. I didn't really understand my OCD for a long time and then the paranoia made it much harder to reach out for an explanation." His counterpart had done a number on her thought and he had to think for a moment on what to say. "I suspect that a fear of heights is only natural after what you have been through. But you see now how these things come about?"

He nodded about there being enough agents to merit a HR department, though even he didn't know exact numbers. However he should have expected her to fire off with relentless questions. Theo did feel overwhelmed for a moment and he wondered if he should shut the conversation down or risk destabilising how far he had come in the last few days. There was plenty there he wouldn't answer and he regretted opening up the option for her to ask. "They send another agent still, I have recruited a couple of people myself. I sit with them and talk about the work and ask them to join, giving them instructions on what to expect." Whether or not that was the right way he wasn't sure but he felt it was the best he could offer.

He purposefully skipped over how he was assigned missions and coded messages, she had a letter from Delta Green and that was enough. He didn't want her digging through his mail looking for triangles to see if or where he was going next. "I no longer have a team," he said plainly, "My team was Samantha and Sloane and he went and put an end to that. Since then I am either sent to other groups of agents on missions to discipline or lecture them or partnered up with agents when I am needed. They're strangers." Most of them anyway. Despite his trust issues he still had favourites. He dodged over the questions on monsters and she gave him the perfect excuse to do so with her final question. She should not have known about the Apocalypse Club and he raised a very fatherly eyebrow at her.

"It's a cultist ring, I am the lead agent in bringing it down one by one. Middle-Sized Tony is one of their leaders." He did not specify it was in the city, nor that it was a physical place, not wanting Violet to go looking. "They're very dangerous people. A lot more put together and in control than Sloane. They mainly work in crime and amass ridiculous funds through it." Of course he had his own instructions on handling them from the Horned One but he had to bring cultists in enough that he was still able to stay the lead, in a way he felt it balanced out. "I wouldn't normally leave my files out like that, I am sorry I did and you saw. It won't happen again." There was still elements of fear in his tone despite himself, as if he was preparing to be punished in the back of his mind and trying to mitigate against it.

However, he saw her embarrassment about the letter incident and shook his head. "I should have been more respectful in how I handled that too. I never meant to upset you but I panicked," Theo explained honestly and watched her carefully in case he upset her further. "I'm sorry I shredded your letter," this apology much more genuine than the last. "I should have explained this to you sooner. But it's easier now that you know why I didn't want you to read it. I was so scared."

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 & 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 @multipleoccupancy

"It must have been difficult," she mused a little bit sadly, "when Samantha stopped working as an agent. If she was the only one you trusted..." Her dad must have felt really alone, especially after Sloane's betrayal. "I understand that you're distrustful, after what Sloane did." But then again, it seemed that was a disorder, gained from his time as an agent. "How will I know if... if I have a disorder? I've seen so many things already. And... I still can't get anywhere close to the window." Violet didn't usually talk about that. She supposed it was obvious, and yet she pretended it wasn't an issue.

Violet was very curious about Samantha's job, now. Luckily for her, Samantha was around. Maybe she could ask her about it? "There are a lot of agents, then?" Enough for Delta Green to need an HR representative.

Her dad had just allowed her to ask him whatever she wanted to know, and yet Violet fell silent for a few seconds. The questions were jostling each other in her mind, leaving her speechless. She felt like it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and didn't want to waste it on stupid questions! "How do they recruit agents now, then? And how do they tell you your missions? Do they send coded messages? Do you know the other agents on your team?" Surely her dad wouldn't be surprised to hear her firing questions at an impressive rate. Fastest draw in New York! "What's the scariest monster you've ever seen? How many monsters have you killed?" And finally, a question she asked with a blush on her cheeks: "What's the Apocalypse Club? I just- your file was opened on the table, and I saw the name."

After that, she had to take a moment to catch her breath.

"I understand now, why you were worried. Why you shred the letter. You were just protecting me. They shouldn't have sent that letter in the first place, not after what they did to you." Violet looked down, embarrassed by the huge tantrum she had thrown about that letter.

[deltavelor]

OCT 15

i used to collect diaries when i was younger - just dozens of notebooks i rarely even used. i'd just get them because they were cute. figured its time i put one to use. and its better than just dumping all my thoughts out onto the internet, this is a little more secure and private. although i won't lie and say i dislike the attention.

i've been trying to ignore it because i don't know if the pros out weigh the cons, but i think i've just become dead weight. at least when i was living with my family it felt like i was going to do something. i was going to go to college with my sister. she was going to go into business, and i was going to go into psychology. we'd figure it out from there. maybe its due to not really having a schedule? it feels like cassowary does everything while i just sit there and look kinda cute.

i want to help, but i don't know what to do. i'm not really good at anything when it comes to housework (jecka liked to joke and say i got it from dad. its funny, but ouch) and if i'm not given exact directions or a schedule..

it feels like i'm just making excuses for being lazy. thats what dad would say, anyways. but then again what the hell does he know, he can even make fucking pancakes!

the guilts killing me. my parents and my sister have been trying to call me for months. i'm too scared to listen to the voicemails i've been getting. i don't even want to open the new messages i get. i haven't answered a single thing since getting "whisked away". i feel like i know what to expect. the first few ones will be begging, guilting. crying. screaming. i don't want to hear it. i especially don't want to hear my sister crying. i don't want to hear my mom crying. dad doesn't cry. i don't want to hear anything he has to say.

its been months since they've heard from me. i feel like if i answer now it'll only make things worse. maybe its better if they think i got kidnapped and dumped in a ditch somewhere, thats about all i'd ever become anyways. jecka's the one with big dreams, with any kind of plan. i'm just her shadow. i'm just the leech. the one who needs extra help and someone to tie their shoes. maybe its better this way, i think cassowary likes having a human pet to look after.

the worst part is that i've never felt better. going no contact, living with someone who speaks softly to me, being able to sit down by a quiet stream has been.. very, very good for me. the air is fresh and i almost feel restless. almost. the people i talk to don't look at me like i'm some kind of burden. they always thought i couldn't tell, but i could. for awhile i thought i was just paranoid, but i see it now. the low sighs and the way their brows would crinkle, the embarrassment of being associated with me. the shame of raising a fucking retard.

i still wish i could've made it out with jecka, the satisfaction of telling our parents to suck it after wriggling out from under their thumbs, the "fuck you" of it. my indecision will kill me one day, and it feels like i have abandoned her. caught between a rock and a hard place; i want to stay with cassowary and be theirs, i want to stay with jecka and be a functional adult. i want to go back in time and tell my mom to get that fucking abortion, it wasn't worth it. getting married wasn't worth it, especially not to our dad. what did she see in him? why does it seem like every nuclear family just becomes a sitcom set up? the father saved from title of "deadbeat" because he has a job, the over worked mother whom everyone just laughs at, the liberal hippie children going nowhere but rehab.

jecka's going somewhere. she's in a lot of AP classes. she actually has a plan. i hope she's doing okay. i hope our parents go to hell when they die.

[fightingmonsterswithwords]

I too am a very impatient bitch to get to the exciting parts when I am writing fics. I seriously don't think I could do a proper slow burn even if I tried 😅😂

I feel very much like Darth Sideous just going "do it!" when I was reading your most recent ask response, in regards to you just jumping to writing the parts you want to right away.

I totally agree with that ask though, I hate that your doubting where you want to take it because I am just as excited for things to ramp up in this story! I'm dying to read the next update whatever the content may contain, I just know I'm going to end up obsessing over it just as much if not even more than Ch. 7. It's embarrassing how much time I've spent thinking about this story even with as few chapters as you've done so far.

I don't think a fan fic has captured and consumed my attention like this in such a long time. One of the things I still find crazy about how great it is, is knowing that you're not a native English speaker. This story to me has very much been the stereotype meme of 'sorry guys, English isn't my first language' kind of fics that just turn out to be masterpieces on a whole different level than others.

Anyway, sorry for the fucking wall of words, I honestly could not stop myself.

In summation, you are absolutely amazing and I'm low-key growing obsessed with this story you've been sharing with us. Haha I don't want to sound crazy but I just think you should know that you've been creating such an amazing story that can invoke such a response in a reader.

Don't apologize for the long message, my answers are even longer, hahah.

Yess. I truly admire people capable of writing a good slow-paced romance, since I know it would take me ages to get there with my writing rhythm I just don't even think of doing it. I would give up halfway 😅 For original stuff I try to have everything outlined, but with fics I mostly improvise, so I can't plan that far ahead. But I try to keep the pacing realistic even if it's a bit hurried. And yeah, I sorta played the card that Alastor and Little Bird had an stablished weird relationship before for that reason.

I'm screaming that you would throw me into the 'non-native English writing masterpieces' meme thing 😭❤ I'm so not worthy. I always include that bit of information in case there are lots of weird sentences, false friends, etcetera. And there always are. But like, I'm reading a first person POV novel right now set in North Carolina and the protagonist says/thinks a lot of things I don't completely understand because I lack that level of cultural depth. I realized the same thing reading a Hazbin Hotel fic full of cultural references that I sorta understand but aren't that familiar to me. If I wanted to write something about Alastor while he was alive in New Orleans I would have to do so much research. But also, being completely honest, I have a Bachelor's Degree in English Studies and work in the Translation field. I read more in English than in my own language (and I do fear the stuff I write sometimes uses overly flowery English because I have studied so much classic stuff). I have a decent grasp of the language. Just not flawless, not by far. I'm not trying to be humble, just self-aware. 🙃 For example: my dialogues are zero percent realistic because I don't usually have conversations in English.

I'm truly honored that you love the fic this much and have told me so repeatedly 🥰 I might not be doing so bad, after all, hah.

Thanks again for all the love and support, Kew!! 💖💖💖

[the-firebird69]

We do have some information and it is pretty good

-this area is full of pigs meaning that that's what you people are and we want you out you're idiots you don't get stuff for a torturing him we can do we are hitting you

-there's a few other things going on but really we need to just come in here your pigs

-there's some other things that need to be addressed here your attitude or to meet her your demeanor you're over crap you're really awful really awful injuredand hit all the time and don't care. I'm sitting in units now

-there's other things going on and they are huge and are making these people intolerable

*The fleets are fighting in space and Titan adds a tower ships and Mars that they are slowly deteriorating now right now they're down only about 10% but we'll start fighting viciously in a moment as day breaks and people discover how much stuff they lost they will become desperate and angry and start screaming the orders. And it will be intense and we will see that they're going to try and threaten the society a lot and they will send a whole bunch and we will destroy them we have more news on that and it is intense

-and they're making things audible and they're messing with him already I have reports in and say yeah they're trying to make a big deal out of it and we get that

-we're going to surround them now and other we need to

-we suspect that they will go after ships to be buried or builted around really and ships others built on the ground and we'll start to try and get the ships out here it'll be repulsed and they'll start a war here it's going to get very loud I'm going to be fighting each other and a suddenly in jeopardy

-some of the things are happening and are going to cause a lot of change

-the pseudo empire is still coming down and although the percentages increased the morlock on coming down now too and having a foot war and it's an infiltration time and it is constant but they the pseudo empire are now aware of it and they said here's why and they cannot secure the border and they are having a hell of time and told them why you here and you just keep coming so we feel that they are both online to a degree but we do see the pseudo empire getting suited up and getting ready for a war and they're going to extract these and hold them out the message just went up anyways in the cities and areas surrounding actually all of Florida and the more locks are holding and around 30% but the population is increasing and it's increasing because well the time and to fight you cuz that's her son that is within their presence they want to have our son in a their presence and it's a war for that and it is now going on very strong and they are pouring in from both sides and they are fighting to the death a lot of them don't like it and it is but they find it everywhere

+Tommy f is preparing for launch several Stone chips and he knows he has to and the others are going to watch their smaller versions and it's coming up soon and they're all preparing to they just need a lot of stuff and they're fighting over it. It's a huge battle and it's global and we are right in there and they are sending tons and tons of troops and the colony is not up for the most part the max are doing some surprisingly they didn't do a ton we're sending heavy units down there now. They're rhetoric is much too stringent it's too potent.

-along with all this fighting there's some other effects they are saying yes I just needs to sit there still and worse doesn't need much and we are going after them for it we're tired of hearing that stupid crap and there's no way they're all extorting you for anything he's going out for each other who is saying it and I said it's a bunch of them and then this used to dorks with possession who don't want to do anything. And they're the ones doing it yes and they really can't hear the reason and they're insufficient to they don't have the willpower or the power and that's the real answer and rather than being embarrassed or humiliated they start beating on our son we're going to beat on them and to death. They're horrible horrible bunch and they need to die what stupid prick said all this dumb s*** everyday he says you're not going to be here why would you be that's so lame then we know about that well you can use those busy this is going to be a fun month so they start to turn it and then said wonder what that means it's kind of like you know you have a ton of them and then you're having them fight The backs so they're going to borrow some tools and he smiles and says that's finally what this is about no so he said we understand what's going on now yeah listen to understand and the sun says you're sitting here pissing people off that's what you doing. And it went like that for days now and they're going to get shot literally these two idiots I'm going to get shot today for what they're saying losers and drinks and really they need it and we want them to hell out of here all the time what they're saying is ridiculous and if they're absurd they're just stalking so badly that they're absurd.

Now they just took up a piece of our time and I don't want that time back in the form of territory are in armaments and I went to robots in so we can use them on them and take more area

Thor Freya

Olympus

We're up to that are we going out and doing it we're going to get it and we do know what you mean and it works

Savage opress

We will take care of this problem we'll go after those and hit and I'm going to take thier stuff and we'll go to the army and use it on them

Darth maul Darth talon

The request is it personally from now from them now because we need all of it we need a ton of it and we need to stop these people and really take the territory and more shortly

Hera

Olympus

[lamialamia]

Hi there! Secret Santa back with a second message for you.

First of all, thank you for your answers last time, they have been very helpful! I’m still in the process of outlining your fic (I randomly got a shit ton of new ideas and have spent this morning organizing them into a semblance of coherence). It’s been so fun to build this world for you. I thought it would be a struggle since it’s not territory I’ve explored before, but it’s actually been a relief with how fresh it feels to try something new!

That being said, I have a few more questions before I dive into actually full-on writing :)

1. I did some completely normal and not at all weird stalking of your profile and saw your reblog of Sledgfu headcanons, one of which was your idea that Snafu nudges Sledge’s neck. Immediately that sparked something for me and I would love to include that hc in your gift, but I wanted to ask your permission first since it was your idea! It feels a bit too much like theft for me to just use it without checking first haha!!

2. Are you at all interested in receiving the work as a gift on Ao3 when it’s published (as in I actually dedicate it to you and gift it to you)? It’s totally okay if you don’t want a gift work and would just like the link, but I just thought I’d ask in case you want it to feel more like an actual present!

3. And finally, as I’m sure you can tell, I am like…incapable of shutting the fuck up. What I mean by this is that the outline for your gift is already 1.6k words of literal bullet points of underdeveloped ideas and dialogue, so the fully fleshed out and written fic might end up being a bit lengthy (though I intend to keep it as a oneshot). Is this something you’d like me to try to tone down on? I know not everyone is interested in reading something super long LMAO. Just let me know either way, I’ll do my best!

And that’s all the questions! :)

Also, this is just something amusing that happened during this process: my original summary for the fic was almost identical to one of yours, completely by accident. I’m so glad I went and checked out your writing before I ended up leaving it like that. That would’ve been so embarrassing lmao

P.S. Your header image makes me laugh every time I see it, love it!

P.P.S Your tags on my first ask made me so happy! :)

Sorry for bombarding you once again, and I look forward to hearing from you!!! 💞

Hey Secret Santa!!!! <3

I know that feelings when a fic idea gets out of hand, I have been there, I have done that. It's a blessing and a curse lolol

Ok, about your question:

1/ Yes. My hc is not a property but like dandelion seeds I blow into the wild. Anyone can catch it and blow it away. This metaphor is weird. Anyway, yes, pls use any headcanon on my blog as you wish.

2/ Yes. You can gift me the fic on Ao3 :D

3/ As long or as short as you want to write. I love long fic, I love short fic, I love medium fic. Because fanfic is a labor of love so any length is perfect <3 I mean, the fic I'm writing for my giftee is getting long too! but it's about the story and not the WC, ya know.

Thanks for everything <3 love ya

[nerdnag]

Like. Listen to this weird stuff.

Her, I've been friends with for almost 10 years. Him, I've known since May of this year when we met at an event out of town. He and I clicked, like, right away, and we've been chatting and hanging out quite a lot over the Summer.

Two weeks ago when he and I hung out, he told me he'd met this cool person at his chess club. He started telling me a bit about her and after a few seconds I was like, "hey that's my best friend!!"

So yeah that was weird to begin with, but weirder stuff has happened I guess. Earlier this week they both convinced me I should come to the chess club with them, and so I did, and as some of you know, that ended up in a disaster bc I got an anxiety attack and fled the club before the tournament had even started. But before that I took note of the fact that "huh, they seem pretty easygoing with each other already. Oh well they have stuff in common so not too strange I guess".

Cue yesterday, when I met him alone again, and he's giving me these weird vibes. He talks a bit about her and I draw out of him that he's met her cats, which means he's been at her place, which I found a little weird since they had known each other for three weeks or so at this point (and he hadn't even been to my place yet, even though we'd literally talked a week earlier about how I wanted him to come meet my cats!!). Also he seemed almost embarrassed when I was surprised at this, and became strangely avoidant. But still... Not going to draw any conclusions, it was probably nothing...

Then he tells me he's tired bc he barely slept either Friday or Saturday night, and I knew he was at a birthday party on Saturday, so I asked if he was to another party on Friday, and he became super avoidant again and was like, "no, uhh, something else, anyway uhh".

And I was sitting there playing MtG with him and wondering what the hell all these signals were that I was picking up. Because there were more little details too, things that just seemed a bit off somehow.

Only later that night did it strike me like a bolt from the blue when my brain went "Wait. They're sleeping with each other??? And neither of them told me??"

Could barely sleep at all, realized I needed to ask one or both of them, and decided that the right thing to do was to ask her since I've known her for longest. (my partner may also have acted out the role of therapist for me for a couple of hours while I tried to process everything that was going on)

So. This morning I sent her a message asking if something's going on between the two of them. She fortunately answered, and later I also talked to him as well.

AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT I WAS RIGHT. Well. Not that they've slept with each other, but that something is going on. But apparently I caught it so early that nothing has truly even happened yet and they haven't even talked to each other about it yet. So uhhhh. The autistic apparently picked up the signals before either of them did??

And now I'm in this weird position where I've talked to both of them separately and know how they feel about it but they haven't talked to each other yet but they know I've talked to the both of them and they are both extremely curious to know what I've said to the other and what the other has said to me but I don't want to share that information between the two of them bc that would be disrespectful and omg this is confusing and difficult and I thought FRIEND GROUPS were hard can you imagine this shit??? Like, the fact that these are two people from entirely different circles of my life who have suddenly met and become really close, and I have no idea how to handle that in itself, is still like one dimension below what is going on right now?? I'm playing four-dimensional social chess for fuck's sake

And at the same time I know that she can burn fast and hot when she's into someone and I don't want him to accidentally be hurt bc he is much less experienced and I care about them both a whole lot but also if they do like each other then I don't want to hinder that in any way so all I can really do is ask them to please tread carefully and don't take things too fast but THEY'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR THREE WEEKS AND HE HAS APPARENTLY ALREADY SPENT A NIGHT ON HER COUCH AND ASDFGHJKL WHY AM I BEING TRIED LIKE THIS

I am in the weirdest social situation with my two local best friends right now lol

[levyfiles]

Gettin back into the watcher scene (was super into them for a couple years then fell out of interest at the beginning of watcher and now the hyperfixation is back with a VENGANCE) and I just wanted to say I’m super glad you’re still around!!! You were always one of my favorite blogs and I remember so many people being so anti of your blog in particular, so I find it entertaining that their blogs are all down or abandoned and you’re the actual faithful fan that’s stuck w the boys since day one. Goes to show how much they just cared about policing people’s interests rather than supporting our boys. Much love!!!! (And I hope this message makes sense/isn’t an overstep. Feel free to ignore if it is!!!) :)))

Welcome back! I hope you're having as much fun the second time as it was the first.

I'm really actually very happy to see a few old faces make their return this year and very moved that you remember my old antics around the tag. I've slowed down some and been focusing more on being on discord with some good friends I've made since those days so I don't answer asks with quite as much diligence as I used to but I do appreciate a message like this now and then.

It is funny that all the big name antis of yore have kind of scuttled away, but then again yes, I agree because I've always held that anyone who spends their time in fanspaces attacking and policing what others are doing aren't really having that much fun with the medium; they're really sitting there hoping they'll be rewarded in fan heaven for being righteous and pure. You know? To be "the good fan" who never did fandom wrong according to the standards and practice of something someone made up and it's also usually because interacting with transformative content is vilified so terribly now that people would rather think of creative ways to bully and terrorise other fans than interact with fanfiction or fanart. That is also why the rest of the fanspace, if they choose to ignore and block people like that, has a better longevity.

Since the dawn of fandom, that's been the case. It's the authors and the artists carry the yoke of the creator's influence and you'd be surprised how many more people just like me who say "ship and let ship" are at the helm supporting Watcher because we grew up in a time where it was deeply embarrassing to make your whole presence online revolve around hating a specific thing. Mortifying behavior but anyways....