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whumpthisway · 4 years ago

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Huck and Stephen - Acceptance

This is a series - link to 01. Masterpost here <3 (which needs updating sorry. if you can’t find anything, send me an ask and i’ll link you)

A/N: This one is set directly after Unwanted, with Huck being discovered down in the basement by the police. Please check the tags and do ask me for specific tags, further details, or warnings if you need them or I miss something. If you have opinions, questions or thoughts, feel free to send me an ask :3

Huck and Stephen’s story can now be read on my AO3 here, and this new chapter is here.

Content warnings: abuse, panic attacks, needles, fear of death/believing they’re about to be killed, hospital setting, doctors being assholes

Huck/Pet POV

They must’ve fallen back into unconsciousness after they’d been found by the police, as the next thing they knew was that the floor was rumbling under them.

Whining quietly even before their eyes were open, Pet winced and blinked, briefly blinded by the daylight, and looked around in confusion. They were in a car, another car; lying with their cheek resting against warm leather. Waking up sharpened the pain of their injuries to an unbearable degree, the motion of the car quickly making them feel sick, and Pet started to cry in silent, tearless sobs that shook their shoulders painfully.

Where were they being taken? There was nothing good about car rides, and Pet was damaged beyond repair, now. No-one would want them. Not even Kiaran had thought them to be worth anything, since he hadn’t bothered to come back for them.

A gentle hand smoothed over their ears, startling them from their thoughts, and Pet twisted painfully around to find a woman sat beside them in the back of the car. At least this time they weren’t jammed into the footwell, and the woman’s touch was kind as she carefully untangled their matted fur with her fingers. Her other hand was settled on her stomach.

“Easy there, little one,” she soothed. “Not far now.”

Pet whined quietly. Not far to where? Maybe they were returning Pet to Master. That would… be okay. Far better than they deserved. Pet sighed, resting their head on their paws as they tried to ignore the pain emanating across their chest, and the agonising throb of their tail. They couldn’t imagine how furious Master was going to be at the state of them.

Time passed fuzzily and Pet lay curled up on the back seat, fighting the nausea in their belly. The woman gently gave them a little more water before she took it away again. The water sat uneasily inside them and Pet tried to remember what it felt like to be uninjured and comfortably full.

Pet stirred when the car pulled to a stop and flinched when the car door nearest to them clunked open, letting in a rush of cooler air and light. The woman climbed out of her side of the car and the thud of the door shutting made Pet cringe.

“It’s alright now, we’re going to get you some help,” the woman said, standing at the open door nearest to Pet, and Pet blinked blearily up at her.

The woman turned away, towards the man who’d been driving the car. “Can you carry them okay?” she said quietly to him. “Or I can get a wheelchair?”

“I got it, Mariann.”

Pet drew in a horrified breath when a man, bigger and even meaner-looking than Harrison, leaned suddenly over them. They cried out, just once, as they tried to scramble further inside the car and almost falling into the footwell in their panic.

“Hey, woah, easy.” The man patted the air as if that was any reassurance at all.

Pet’s frantic movement and fast, terrified breathing sent spikes of pain through their ribs and they went limp with a wheezing whimper, shaking. Just no more, that’s all they wanted, no more pain, no more humans, no more fear. They’d never been so overwhelmed, so overstimulated, whilst at the same time so apathetic and so exhausted.

“I’m not going to hurt you buddy.” The man cocked his head and tried to smile. “Just going to take you somewhere warmer, and safe.”

Pet, their ears pressed flat to their head, pressed their head into the crook of their arm and went still. What was the point of resisting anyway? Pet would just be grabbed eventually and being a brat about it, as Master used to snap at them, only ever made the humans angrier.

After a moment of Pet staying small and limp in the back of the car, the man cautiously ducked inside and gently gathered them up. He wasn’t rough or cruel about it but the feeling of hands on them, in their fur, jarring their agonising rib injuries, their tail, their pounding head, made Pet cry harder, though they tried not to. Crying made creatures weak, disgusting and unlikeable, and Pet was already all of those things, without weeping everywhere.

The feeling of being lifted up into the air only made their nausea worse too and they had to drag in snatches of air through clenched teeth as they tried not to retch. Pet didn’t want to think about what this man would do if they threw up all over him.

“Now don’t claw me, alright?” the man said. “I’m only trying to help.”

Pet kept their eyes tightly shut both against the blinding sun and in fear of the man carrying them. They carefully curled their claws tightly up against their furred chest, because they didn’t trust themself not to scrabble for the man carrying them if he dropped them, even as they shuddered at the thought of what this man would do if they tore his clothes with their claws, or worse, cut him.

They could hear the woman, Mariann, following alongside with little clicks of her shoes, keeping up with the man’s long stride.

The went into a building and a bright white space where the air smelled badly of sweat and pain and chemicals. It was full of humans, many of them with creatures at their feet and Pet couldn’t help but stare; they’d never seen so many creatures in one place, nor so close by. There were several smaller ones who looked like them, with dark fur and cupped, wolf-like ears, as well as ones so big they came up to their owner’s hip even when they were sat down. There was a creamy-white one, several greys, multiple shades of brown, one pure black and one an almost pinkish-red, with different types of fur and tails and ears. Pet hadn’t known creatures like them could look so varied.

But the more Pet looked, the more they realised that the other creatures all looked injured and sick, exhausted and defeated, and none of them were looking around. Many were on leashes or harnesses and some wore bulky collars that Pet recognised with a feeling of dread. Master Parry had threatened to get them one of those; one that’d shock them whenever they were bad. One pet had a muzzle strapped to their face, like a dog. What was this place? Were these people taking Pet to be put down? Because they were a lost cause that no-one wanted?

“No need for that,” the man said, his voice rumbling in his chest against Pet’s shoulder when Pet’s breathing hitched and new tears came, though the scruff at their neck was already damp with it. “You’re safe now.”

Pet assumed the man’s words meant that he was getting tired of their crying and tried to stop. They were too tired and dehydrated to cry for long anyway and the man’s warmth, however threatening he was, was making them drowsy.

After a short wait, Pet was carried further into the white building, the corridors panelled and identical and the whole place feeling cold and hard.

Inside a large room with two lines of beds packed close together, many of them occupied, Pet was laid down on an empty bed near a window. They whimpered softly in pain as the unforgiving mattress pressed against their ribs and their tail was jolted. But the man stepped away, to talk to Mariann, and Pet was relieved by that.

The humans talked somewhere off to the right and Pet, curling up, drifted in and out. It ought to have been too bright and frightening to sleep but they felt like sand was weighing down on them. Sliding into unconscious took less effort than trying to stay awake.

Pain met Pet first when they awoke, and then a strange man in white leaned over them and Pet yelped. They tried to scramble away, but their shoulder thudded into the bed’s metal railing and sent a wave of pain across their chest and sides and back. They curled into themself, gasping.

“Calm down, now,” the strange man sounded displeased and stern and he reminded Pet of Master Parry. “Is it usually so twitchy?”

“They’re a rescue,” a familiar woman’s voice said firmly and Pet’s ear pricked up. “After what they’ve been through, it’s a wonder they’re as functional as they are.” The woman, Mariann, stepped closer in her little shoes and Pet didn’t find themself to be too afraid of her. She’d done nothing to hurt them, and had only gently petted them in the car. She looked down on them with a soft look and Pet blinked and quickly lowered their gaze. “They’ve been very strong and good,” she said, clearly more directed at Pet than the frosty man in white. Pet couldn’t help but feel warm at her gentle praise, though they could hardly agree with her.

She looked nothing like Alyse; Alyse had been almost as tall as Master Parry with blonde hair down to her ribs, where Mariann was petite and her stomach noticeably curved outwards; pregnant, Pet thought, recognising it from women they’d seen on TV. The two women didn’t look alike, and yet they’d both been kind to a filthy, broken creature when they didn’t have to be. Pet felt a rush of relief that she was here beside them and hadn’t left them alone.

“Be that as it may,” the man said sharply, “if I am to examine it, it’ll have to be drugged or restrained.”

Pet whined and curled their arms around their head, their paws pressed into the fur by their flattened ears. The humans kept talking around them, Mariann sounding angry, but it was muffled and Pet didn’t want to know what they were planning to do to them. They couldn’t stop it, so there was no point in knowing.

A cool hand took their wrist after some time and Pet flinched away, but didn’t try to get themself free. A sharp pinpoint of pain at the crook of their elbow followed and Pet’s eyes flew open as they dropped their paw from where it was covering their face. What had the humans done? Looking quickly down, Pet saw a different woman pulling her hand from their arm, an emptied needle in her hand, and Pet stared in horror.

Once, Harrison had gleefully told them that when his father bored of Pet, Pet would be killed with a jab of a needle. He’d mimed convulsing on the floor, screeching in pretend pain, while Pet had stared, shaken and horrified. Harrison had sat up and grinned, taking great pleasure in poking them with pencils at random intervals for weeks after, just to see them startle, and then pretended to inject them, making them feel sick every time. That’d been years ago but Pet had never forgotten.

Whining softly, Pet started shaking and even Mariann’s expression of concern and kind words weren’t enough the stop their panic when they began to feel drowsy. There wasn’t the pain Pet had expected but they weren’t ready to die, they didn’t want it- But, exhausted as they already were, there was no use fighting it and, as always, the humans got what they wanted.

“They’re not ready to be discharged!” The words were hissed, sharp and angry but trying to be quiet. Still, Pet’s heart up-ticked and they tensed. “Look at them, they’ve been beaten to hell and back and they’ve been here less than six hours-”

“We don’t have space,” a male voice cut in, unemotional and hard. Pet couldn’t tell if it was the same man from before or not. “Its healing well. Pet healing is on average 6% faster than-”

“Bullshit.” It was Mariann, Pet realised after a moment. Her voice sounded different when she was so obviously furious and Pet had to force themself to keep still. Mariann and the man weren’t talking to them, probably thought Pet was still asleep. “They need this bed, and they-”

“No. It doesn’t.” The man sighed. “Listen. You’re clearly new so I’ll explain this once. I discharge this creature and I know it’ll go with you, to a shelter or to be fostered. It won’t end up on the street.” He paused, lowering his voice. “That one there? Brought in by the owner for two broken legs. He then broke the creature’s nose in front of me, when it didn’t lower its eyes fast enough. Do you understand? Creatures like that need beds here far more than your creature does. I have to prioritise.”

Mariann was silent for a long moment. “What time? When do they have to leave by?”

“This afternoon. Before three o’clock, the earlier the better.”

“What pain meds will they get? Follow up treatment?”

“None. Didn’t they explain this to you?” He sounded irritated and impatient. “This is emergency treatment only. The government pays, but only barely. They look after creatures that’ll die otherwise to stop bad PR, but that’s it. I’m sorry, but after this, if it needs more care, your charity will pay for private care or you’ll use a first aid kit.”

The man’s footsteps receded down the hall and Pet lay still, pretending to be asleep while their mind churned. Mariann was part of a charity? A charity that’d look after Pet?

“You heard that?”

Mariann’s voice startled them; they hadn’t even heard her approach, and they inhaled sharply in shock, before descending into a coughing fit. Their throat was achingly dry.

Pet was gently coaxed, half-lifted, up to seated and a cup pressed to their lips. The water was heavenly. When it was finished, Mariann pulled over a chair and Pet sat and stared blankly at the blanket covering their legs.

The pain was there but it felt distant, their mind a little floaty, and they struggled to accept that they weren’t dead. The injection hadn’t killed them at all. Another thing Harrison had lied about to scare them, Pet supposed tiredly.

“How long’ve you been awake, sweetie?” Mariann rested a hand on the swell of her stomach and considered them.

Pet ducked their head in shame. Mariann had helped them and Pet had already been bad, even though they’d barely been awake ten minutes. They’d eavesdropped, and deceived-

Mariann set a hand on top of their paw and Pet twitched. “I don’t mind, okay?” she said. “How’re you feeling? Can you speak for me?”

Pet quickly shook their head. Talking brought nothing but more trouble and more pain.

“Alright, that’s fine, you don’t have to.” She patted their paw before taking away her hand. Pet missed the warmth of it. “What’s going to happen is you resting up for a little bit longer. In a few hours, we’ll move you out of here and take you to a creature shelter, somewhere safe and not too far away. What’ll happen then depends on how you’re feeling, so we’ll take it as we go. Sound good?”

Not knowing what else to do, Pet nodded. It was clearly the right thing to do because Mariann gave them the kind of warm, soft smile that made Pet’s heart thud and tears well up involuntarily. Being looked at like that was something they wanted so much that it hurt, but which terrified them just as much.

“Okay,” Mariann said, seeming to come to a decision. “I’ll leave you to get some more sleep. I’ll be back in a little while.” She looked at them seriously. “You’ve got nothing to worry about now. Nothing bad will happen, I promise.”

That was an impossible thing to promise, Pet thought, but they nodded silently all the same. Mariann was being kind, and maybe she even meant it.

She helped them drink some more water before helping them lie back down, propping up their pillows like their comfort really mattered. Pet was glad she left after that, because they didn’t want her to see them cry, rendered weak and pathetic over a tiny bit of kindness.

The room they were in was full of beds holding other injured creatures, who groaned or cried out at times. Humans in white or blue hurried around, sometimes wheeling a creature away or leaned over them and did things that Pet didn’t understand.

Pet didn’t sleep, but lay still and stared up at the ceiling, which was peeling at the corners. They thought about dying. About Mariann promising them safety and protection. About the men who’d stolen them, Ry who’d left them in the basement, and Alyse who’d cared for them. About Harrison’s cruelty and Master’s loathing.

And here was Pet, at the mercy of all of them. Hope felt like a dangerous thing and they ignored the feeling with as much determination as they put into ignoring the pain in their tail. Maybe Mariann would make sure they were taken care of, or maybe they’d fall into the hands of a human far worse than Master. Only time would tell.

i’ve written a bit more and we are so so close to Huck and Stephen being reunited, im excited <3 my inbox is always open for thoughts, requests, feedback and ideas!

If anyone wants to be added to the taglist or taken off it, pls do send me an ask or DM! :D

Tagging (tagging people I love u all): @smolnarwhal @free-2bmee @ffaerie-dustt @mortifiedwhump @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @whumpity–whump–whump @quirkykayleetam @oracle-of-maybe @whumpersworld @quoththeraven-what @halibellecter @usernames-suck-but-i-like-whump @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @pennsss @whumpqhs @whumpzone @deluxewhump @haro-whumps @redstainedsocks @gimmethatsweetwhump @redstainedsocks @newbornwhumperfly <3

If you like my work, I have a Ko-Fi account

#whump #medical whump #needles tw #mine #huck and stephen #huck and stephen acceptance #fic #panic attack #fear of death #mariann #being a sweetheart #she's a spitfire to stephen #but that's because she's maternal at heart and was rly pissed at stephen for not wanting to help huck as much as she did #ofc stephen is fully won over now lol

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michael-radi-the-glamorous-life · 5 years ago

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Let The Sunshine In

Lately, I’ve been hearing a common refrain from people throughout my life - friends, family, students, parents, and even strangers and acquaintances on social media…

“I’m just so tired. Everything is exhausting.”

And when exploring this a little further, I’ve begun to notice a pattern. A very common pattern, in fact, and one that I have fallen into many times.

Does this - or something like it - sound familiar?

Wake up

Caffeinate/Eat

Work

Eat

Work

Exercise perhaps?

Obligations

Eat

Obligations

Zombie out in front of electronics

Sleep

Rinse and repeat.

This is a common pattern - and I have absolutely nothing against patterns or routines, I personally thrive off them! But the above doesn’t seem to be leaving much, if any, time for joy.

Now, I’m not talking about carving out big periods of time on a daily basis for “relaxation” or regularly skiving off obligations to instead do something fun. What I’m talking about is finding a way to include just a little bit of joy in your daily life. Just a little bit of sunshine amidst all the necessities.

But how?

Walking Proudly In Our Winter Coats

“Michael, why are we talking about this? You’re not a life coach, so what’s the artistic spin here?”

Excellent question as always, dear reader!

Do you ever notice how we sometimes wear our exhaustion as a badge of honor? We may hate how tired we are, but then we’ll compare how run-down we feel to how our friends, enemies, frenemies, and/or strangers feel.

Of course we do, we’ve been conditioned to do that! *Work yourself to death for that money, or die trying!*

But this overworking is a strictly capitalist idea - it’s meant to produce output, not creativity. It’s about the greater machine, not the individual. It’s about achieving what we’ve been told to achieve or what we need to achieve for survival, not about what we are interested in or what we desire.

Therefore, dear reader, it’s relevant to art because creation is something we do to bring us joy in our lives.

For many artists, even though our art is our careers, we are often not getting paid enough by our creative endeavors to work purely in that field on a daily basis. So we must take other jobs as well that may not be as fulfilling (though hopefully they are adjacent to our careers), but at least they make us the money we need to survive and fuel the creative side.

But when there is no time or energy left in our routines - something that tends to be a gradual shift and which we don’t see happening - the art and the joy are left to the wayside. And then the world is a lot less beautiful and interesting.

Exhaustion is not a badge to wear. An inability to be energized is not good. A lack of joy, large or small, is not positive for anyone.

Ultimately, however, it is us who has control.

Simple Joys

There are countless things in life that could potentially bring us joy, which means there are a million and a half ways of incorporating those things into our lives.

I can only speak from personal experience and the experiences of those I am close to, but I think the basic principles can be applied to most everyone.

Here are the things that we first need to know:

Was there a time my daily routine made me happier? Have you always felt this way - just tired all the time? Or was there a time when things were better? When was that?

What changed? If there was a less overwhelming time, what is the difference between then and now? Perhaps even write out what your day looked like then and what it looks like now. What’s different? Is there an obvious shift of some sort?

What small things bring you joy? These can be things that, perhaps, you used to have or do that have fallen to the wayside recently. Or these can be things that you like to do, but you only reserve them for specified “relaxation times.” Or perhaps they are changes you’d like to make, but just haven’t figured out how yet.

What in your daily life is exhausting you the most? Sure, most of life is tiring. Everything demands energy from us - work, travel, family, clients, social obligations, unexpected events, emergencies, phone calls, texts, emails…the list goes on. But what are your top, biggest drains? Can anything be shifted to make these less exhausting in any way?

Are there smaller exhaustions you can get rid of? These are things like not answering work emails after 5:00pm. Or, deciding that you don’t have to pick up the phone every time it rings. Can the smaller things be gotten rid of or diminished?

Now, do you see ways to incorporate the small joys into your daily routine? Have you actually created spaces that can be filled? Or do you see any flexibility?

This process is not of my creation, it was recommended to me by a therapist friend of mine several years ago. At the time I was young and stupid and proud, and totally ignored the advice.

Bad move.

I allowed myself to go from feeling tired all the time, to absolutely exhausted and depressed. Again, this is a common pattern that sooooo many of us fall into. But! This process is fantastic and it works.

Allow me to give you an example from my own life.

Sweet Summer Evenings, Hot Wine and Bread

Last year my routine began to feel tiring and stale.

In addition to the tons of work I was doing for my job, I was working like a madman during any and all open times in my schedule to prepare The King’s Legacy and its materials for the upcoming production.

I wasn’t creating. My lists had lists. Anxiety was building into sleeplessness. Exercise became too much of a chore. Food was becoming a struggle. In other words - I was leaning into all of the behaviors that perpetuate exhaustion instead of fighting it.

Super common pattern.

There wasn’t a ton of leeway in my schedule to do anything about it, but I decided to shoehorn some flexibility in there anyway. I couldn’t stand the tiredness any longer. So…

Step 1 - The blog. I began to write this blog on a weekly basis. Perhaps there wasn’t enough time in my schedule to work on a new project or do much in-depth writing, but at the very least I could write a weekly, one-off piece to whet the creative muscles.

Step 2 - Podcasts. I love learning. I’m a huge nerd (surprise!) and I adore information. So I began taking my long commute drives and turning them into educational sessions by listening to podcasts. Instead of feeling tired at the end of my commute, I felt engaged and productive. I gained energy instead of losing it.

Step 3 - Greens. When working on Long Island I often buy a meal while I’m out there - partially for convenience and partially for lack of time. But I was always trying to be super conscious of how much money I was spending, and that was driving my food choices. Therefore, I wasn’t eating as many healthy choices as I could have been. So I decided to suck it up, pay the extra $3/day, and get a big ole salad as my daily LI lunch. Turns out that healthy foods really are that important.

Step 4 - Order the damned coffee. I love coffee and always have. Not for the caffeine necessarily, I just love coffee. I was feeling super guilty about the extra caffeine, cost, and stomach acid that was coming from my afternoon coffees before work, but I also work afternoons into the evenings and needed to remain awake enough to teach. So, I made the decision to just do it. Make it part of the day, no questions asked. It’s no longer a daily choice to get the coffee, it’s routine, and therefore no reason to feel guilt. Apparently, that small amount of daily guilt was draining more pre-work energy than the coffee had been providing.

Step 5 - Socialize. I realized about halfway through last year that I hadn’t been seeing my friends as regularly as I previously had been. Instead, I was choosing to spend all of my time working. As soon as I made the choice to stop working and socialize at least once per week, there was a marked improvement in my happiness level.

And these were just the changes that I made last year. Since returning from the summer, I came prepared with a plan to add even more happiness into my daily life. Here are some other changes I’ve made:

Buying scented candles - They may be expensive, but they make me feel calm and productive. Seems worth it.

New exercise routine - The old one was stale and not giving me the necessary endorphins.

Eating - I’ve stopped being as worried about counting calories, and thinking more about which foods I eat and how they will (positively, I hope) affect my body.

No more double screens - I used to scroll through my phone while watching TV at night and I think it made me overstimulated and anxious. Now, I take care of my social media first when I get home, then watch a little TV. Seems to help.

These little changes are working for me. I feel more energized and more ready to attack the day all day long. They may be tiny alterations, but they do add up.

Why Not Go Ahead?

I know that everyone is different. Peoples’ schedules and struggles and energy levels and physical/mental situations vary greatly.

But this is all I urge you to do:

If you’re one of those people feeling constantly exhausted, I want you to first forgive yourself. It’s okay to feel that way, and it doesn’t have to be a forever problem.

Then, I want you to take the time to evaluate, but do it on your schedule. When you’re able. No pressure. But, as I learned, it really is good advice from the mental health field and it does help.

And lastly, find some simple joys. Whether that be buying all the pumpkin spice you can consume, writing for 15 minutes two days per week, shutting off your phone at night, or planning a little me-time into your week…whatever it is, it will help rebalance your energy levels.

Find a little sunshine and let it in.

#glamorous life blog #glamorous life #sunshine #let the sunshine in #simple joys #joy #energy #exhaustion #tiredness #pattern #routine #creation #create #art #artist #time #time management

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