#anyway going to bed now gnight

[prozac-shaped-urn]

WELL. LOTS OF DEVELOPMENTS TODAY.

under the cut for space purposes. these are not sequential. pretend the formatting is correct.

plz don't judge this shitty first draft. i just need to put my excitement somewhere.

ok bai

INT. FELICITY'S HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY Felicity looks at a photo album of Bobby Dean. His age progresses from infant to adult. She reaches the end and places it aside. Felicity rises and walks to her bedroom. INT. FELICITY'S HOME - BEDROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS Felicity stands in front of a full-length mirror, pulls up her tunic and examines her belly. Stretch marks glisten as her breaths flow in and out. Veins in her hands mimic the wires of a marionette. Cellulite jiggles under her touch. The pooch of her belly signals back to a time 40 years prior when her son wiggled and kicked inside her. She smiles through tears. Her body isn't what it used to be, but it's more beautiful now for having lived so many years. It tells a story -- hills and valleys, freckles and moles, imperfect perfections -- all are like pieces of an orchestra, individually playing the music of Felicity Kirk's life. She stares at her reflection and forgives the woman staring back at her.

*** INT. BETH'S HOME - BEDROOM - NIGHT Beth scrolls social media looking at various posts displaying all the "perfect" things Beth doesn't have: the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect career. She's become stuck in a comparison loop, never free of the constant push and pull of trying to convince her audience she's worthy of their trust and attention. It's torture. Still, she's sucked in and existing in a comfortable place of self-loathing. She rises and walks to her en suite. INT. BETH'S HOME - BATHROOM - NIGHT Beth enters and flicks the light switch. She stares at her reflection and plays with the skin on her face and neck. Her hairline is thinner… Her eye bags are thicker… Her lips are surrounded by lines and her neck is starting to sag. Beth examines all of her body's imperfections, playing with the skin and scowling at herself. She stops and squints. BETH Where did I go? When did I die? Beth flicks the light off and returns to bed.

***

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT Beth turns to a social media app and starts scrolling. Every post she sees is a reiteration of the same message: You're flawed. You aren't good enough. You're behind the trend. Again, even though she knows it's fake, it affects her. This endless scrolling has become a nasty habit. Her frustration gets the better of her and she calls it a night. INT. HOTEL BREAKFAST ROOM - DAY Beth fills a plate with food. A YOUNG GIRL and YOUNG BOY (around 8) are in the dining area. The Young Boy is making silly noises and faces, and the Young Girl is intensely videoing him. Their MOTHER calls out for them to follow her. The Young Girl refuses. YOUNG GIRL Mom, stop!!! I'm gonna be an influencer!!! Beth is stunned witnessing this exchange. The girl is so very, very young to be exposed to social media.

(this exchange is taken from a video of a woman explaining why she deleted her social media accounts. seriously what the FUCK bro.)

***

INT. BETH'S HOME OFFICE - DAY Beth and Stella chat via video conference. BETH There was this girl -- she couldn't have been more than ten -- recording her brother in the hotel dining room. She told her mum she was going to be an influencer. Stella, how the bloody hell does a child know what an influencer is?! STELLA How do you think? The parents. BETH Does she think she can post a viral video and start earning wages? Stella shrugs. There's no clear answer here. Beth throws her hands up; trying to figure out the world's problems is too much for her right now. Stella switches topics. Beth is distracted by her phone and looks down every few moments.

STELLA Parker got home from holiday last night. BETH Oh? STELLA And she brought biscuits from France. They're divine. Brossard Savane. Soft chocolate sweets. I had something similar in sixth form and hadn't been able to find them since. Parker should get a job with MI6. BETH Biscuits, you said? STELLA Yeah. BETH What kind? STELLA …Brossard Savane. BETH Right. STELLA Why are you checking your phone? Are you expecting a ring? BETH No. Sorry, darling. Beth puts her phone aside. Stella isn't impressed. STELLA Do you even want to talk to me? BETH Of course! I always want to talk to you. STELLA I'm not quite sure I believe that. BETH Why? STELLA You don't text me back, you don't ring me up, you check your phone when we chat… I never get to have your full attention. I'm concerned, Mum. There's a reason I don't have any social media. It takes you out of your life for long stretches of time. You don't get that time back, Mum. I still need you. When I was in hospital, you were different… You were attentive and present, and I knew I could trust you -- It's a hard lesson to learn from her own daughter. Beth bristles in immediate response. BETH Don't be ridiculous -- You know you can trust me, Stella. STELLA Do I? I don't want to sound cruel, but you're not the mum I grew up with. I don't know where you went. And I don't know what's changed other than that fucking phone. They taught us to how to spot patterns in Narcotics Anonymous. You're addicted, Mum. You reach for your phone when you wake up. It's always by your side even if you don't need it. Instead of laughing with your mates, you capture everything on video so you can watch it later when you should've been enjoying the moment. Beth can't argue back. It's all true, disturbingly so. STELLA Do you know what your screen time is? BETH I'll check. Just a moment, darling-- STELLA (with force) Mum, stop. Just stop. Put it down. Beth hasn't seen her daughter use as much force with her words before. It's unnerving but enlightening. She puts her phone down. STELLA (deliberate) Your screen time is time that's been stolen from you. And there it is: the crux of the issue. Beth doesn't know what to say or do. She offers a placating smile, but it feels fake even to her. Stella sees right through it. STELLA Can you live without it for a day? Even just a few hours? BETH (genuine) …I don't know. STELLA Try? Can you try for me? Please? BETH Yes. I can. Stella is pleased. Beth is relieved someone gave her an excuse to stop scrolling. Then the reality of her commitment hits. She panics. BETH How am I going to fill up that free time? STELLA You'll find something. You can find anything entertaining if you're bored enough. Try fishing. Beth smiles -- her apple didn't fall far. BETH I love you. Chat again soon. STELLA Love you. Bye. BETH Bye. Stella ends the video chat. ***

CAN I GET A HOLY SHIT????

[prismbearer]

obsessed

[spoonmoment119]

Hello i dont know what specific request you ask for if you did i forgot uhmm may i request a bigb?

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Ok guys I knowwwww the 2016 PPG remake is bad. I'm seeing it firsthand with my own eyes as I watch it because I'm a bit sadistic. There's a lot of shit in here that makes me gag from its sheer stupidity.

But listen. Where the fuck else do I get fanservice gold like THIS 💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖

[invictarre-archive]

uhhhh okay, I know I've done this before but I lost it (sorry), so...

like to be on the relationships page! this is fair game as long as we've either plotted a dynamic or have written together for long enough that it's naturally developed. will be added to the new carrd since I'm going to remake it

[chaos--mode]

love it when i really want to write my muses that are in fandoms i haven't interacted with much so i find and follow new blogs to hopefully make new friends && writing partners, but then also the crippling fear of Being Perceived™ arrives and makes me wanna just. not do that

[xx-vergil-xx]

dreams and visions and carrie underwood <3

[gemharvest]

I wish those "YOU GUYS NEED TO ACTUALLY REBLOG POSTS!!!" posts actually worked I hate looking at my art that got decent notes only to see abysmal reblog:like ratios.

[bnnywngs]

this is going to be a long rant about personal experiences, sense of self, culture, and identity, and you're free to ignore, i just want it out of my chest

anyway

as i like to shout loud and clear, i'm proudly from north brazil, the amazon rainforest region to be specific, and that's very important detail to remember because it literally shaped almost everything i am now

in 1494 spain and portugal made a treat between them to divide the world between "this is mine and this is yours", and the spanish had most of the americas, only northeast and southeast(?) brazil was part of portugal's territory, but they only "discovered" brazil in 1500 and in 1540-something Francisco de Orellana (a spanish) decided to sail the amazon river and he "discovered" several rivers, indigenous tribes, including one rumored to be exactly like those tales from greece about the amazon warriors and that's why the name of the region is amazon, with a state in brazil named amazonas (where i'm from)

somehow, this region of brazil wasn't as sought after as the others like the south and southeast regions, this historically contributed in having the least population and, thus, money, and the region with more indigenous tribes (some intact and with no contact with "civilization") and mixed people (i'm one!), mostly mixed three times between european, african and indigenous

ok so after centuries brazil had so many different nationalities colonizing it's territory (like, SO MANY it's almost a joke), and although the north region wasn't as popular we had a lot of immigrants and the belle époque in the 19th(?) century, before the english did their thing and stole our rubber trees to plant in asia because it was cheaper and made us poor (manaus (capital of amazonas) was known as the paris of the tropics/paris in the amazon during this time), boosted our reputation and made us the destination for a lot of immigrants

my great-grandfather came from northeast brazil during this time and helped build our jewel - the amazon opera house in manaus! or at least that's what my grandma's older sisters told me, and he's one of the many from that part of the country that migrated here due to more job opportunities and etc

between this grand mix of nationalities in one place, their cultures started to get together too, and because of the great number of africans (once slaves, kidnapped from across the ocean) some of our biggest festivals were born - including the parintins folklore festival, created in 1965 in a tiny island at the edge of the state of amazonas

why am i talking about this? because it's important.

now, here's the thing

since i was little i always thought i was north brazilian and nothing more, it's only after i grew up more that i started to learn about "races" and etc, but still i thought of myself as simply a northerner and that was okay for most of my life, and i loved the folklore festival, but as we grew up, the mentality of our forefathers started to dig its roots inside our little brains, too

"i'm brazilian, but my family's from [european country]"

this is like the most common phrase you could, and still can, hear between teenagers

contrasting this, the parintins folklore festival is a mix between indigenous and african cultures, is a festival to remember our roots and celebrate it. "The festival celebrates a local legend about a resurrected ox. It is also a competition where two teams, Garantido and Caprichoso, compete in extended retellings of the story, each team attempting to outdo the other with flamboyant dances, singing, and parade floats. [...] Each nightly performance is largely based on local Amazonian folklore and indigenous culture, but also incorporates contemporary Brazilian rhythms and themes." - from Wikipedia.

i'm team garantido, by the way ♥️🤍

because of this mentality of "european is better" aka "white is better" largely due to racism but also because the government once encouraged white folk to marry black folk and have mixed kids to whitening the population, i always said my family's from portugal and that i was north brazilian, and it wasn't until like idk my 20 something??? that i watched John Leguizamo's stand-up "Latin History for Morons" that something clicked inside my brain (PLEASE WATCH IT)

most of my teenage life i had people turn up up their noses to me when i said i loved the folklore festival, i had some "friends" doing "jokes" about my skin color, my hobbies, the things i like, etc, and this is "normal" at this age, especially remembering that this happened between 2005-ish and 2011 (when i graduated), but at that time i didn't really understood what was going on

i can, now, proudly say i'm a black north brazilian woman

for so long i couldn't think of myself as a black woman like??? why?????? W H Y????? "my skin is too light" because you're mixed?! "i never had a hardship before because of my skin color" THANK THE GODS??!

i never realized the micro aggressions against my color and my northerner heritage - the lack of "nude" colors of my skin tone, lack of make-up for my skin, "i can't cosplay because i'm not white", the erasure of northerns in anything nationwide in brazil (and this still happens now, in 2024), the lack of north representation in nationwide anything and the priority southerners have in these same places

i want to go back to when i was 16 and someone laughed at me because i liked the folklore festival and say: this is our culture and we should be proud of it! no one has this, only us! this is ours and ours alone. be proud. also, bunny, please don't listen to them, stop pushing your love away, don't turn your back to the festival

i still think of myself as a northerner above everything but now i think why don't we have native languages in school? why we're taught so much about european history? we should study our local history more! stop looking down on natives, they're part of your own history, they were here before anyone else

before the european crown, we had the cocar

before the portuguese language, we had the tupi (and many, many others)

before god, we had yacy

why the incas, our neighbors, are thought with so much awe and the people from the other side of the andes are forgotten? brazilians, please stop this stray dog's way of thinking, you have your own culture, hype it up!

what the europeans did to us in the americas..... sigh

i'm glad i was born here, i'm glad i'm part of this culture, i wish i knew more about it and knew the language of, but i'm so, so glad to be here

it's tough, rough, sad, and i do envy sometimes, but here's good (most of the time) and i can be part of the festival every year without hiding from my friends (who also loves the festival and comes with me to see both ox) and it's so fun and it makes me so, so happy

i love the folklore festival so much, i love the white ox with a red heart in its forehead so, so much!! the first time i cried listening to music was in 2000, when i was listening garantido's album from that year , i want to talk about it, write fanfics with my culture in it....

i'm the happiest with my culture so you should, too

if anyone laughs at you or makes jokes about it or it's just racist/xenophobic you can just tell them i said vai tomar no cu seu arrombado do caralho ♥️

(also you can watch the festival on youtube, here's the 1rst night 2024)

[bxtonpxss]

.

[ilikerosesalot]

UPDATE: IT IS 3 AM AND I WOKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT BECAUSE IT JUST HIT ME

Akitos colorfes card is called "Wanderer's thirst". Ena's 2nd focus song is called "nomad". They're both wandering through a dessert. Holy shit.

So, akito's colorfes card has finally been released!! And alot of things have been said about it but I have noticed a little detail that has yet to be pointed out by anyone. So! after talking abt it a bit on my insta acc I decided to make a proper post on tumblr. This will have mild spoilers for his fes card story do if you haven't read it and don't want to be spoiled, this is your ticket to hop off!!

Jumping right to it, this is what akitos framented sekai looks like: a dry, withered zone where plants can't grow

But, as the story progresses with akito and the kagamines exploring this area, this scene takes place:

A dandelion can be seen growing through the cracks on the dry land. A flower known for its ability to grow just about anywhere. The implications are ovious, and even if it didn't hit you at first, akito himself notes his feelings are akin to this flower sucessfuly blooming in the desert.

There's alot that can be said and analyzed about this card, but for now I want to look at sth else. Specifically, these lines ena sings from "Jackpot Sad Girl" and "Composing the Future" respectively:

Do you see it??? the place refered to in jackpot sad girl, the description ena specifically uses for that place, and how in composing the future, ena explains her feelings by comparing it to trying to make a flower bloom in an harsh environment. THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT'S RIGHT!! Whether intentionally or not, akitos fragemented sekai perfectly matches the descriptors used in those two n25 songs. More importantly, lines specifically assigned to ena. This is yet another instance of the shinonome siblings paralleling one another. As someone who loves both of them dearly and has been brainrotting abt their parrarels for MONTHS, this makes me insanely happy. Idc if it's a stretch, I'm adding it to my shinonome parallels folder. Anyways, thank you for coming to my TED talk, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!! Have this meme before I dissapear to the darkness

[hannyoontify]

[01:41] you woke up with a startling chill running down your spine. bringing nonexistent blankets closer to your chest to keep you warm, it took you a few good seconds to realize that you, in fact, didn’t have any blankets in your possession.

goddamn it, kwon soonyoung.

you rolled over onto your other side to face your sleeping boyfriend who, just like you predicted, had made himself comfortable in the cocoon he had made himself with the queen sized duvet. surrounding him was also an assortment of different tiger plushies varying in size and design.

when you first moved in together, you refused to share the bed with soonyoung’s 43 tiger plushies but when you saw the sad look in his eyes, you couldn’t say no.

‘goddamn it, kwon soonyoung’ you grumbled out loud, this time. ‘stop hogging the entire blanket’

you pressed your cold feet against your boyfriend’s bare calf, which was basically his fault for 1) leaving his calf out in the open, vulnerable to any attack and 2) hogging the blanket which in turn, made your body temperature drop at least 2 degrees.

soonyoung hissed and practically jumped out of his cocoon. ‘jesus christ get your grippers away from me. why are they so cold?’

you rolled your eyes at his choice of words and wiggled your toes against his warm leg. ‘you stole the entire duvet, genius. and i thought you loved my grippers’

your boyfriend groaned, sleep obviously still laced in his voice as he jokingly pushed you away. ‘ewww gross. go away, i’m trying to sleep’

you inched closer to him, pressing your chest to where his arm would be under the blanket. ‘i’ll leave you alone if you give me back some of the blanket. my balls are about to freeze off’

‘then lose your balls, fuck, i don’t kno- OW OW IM SORRY’

soonyoung immediately opened up his cocoon, motioning for you to join him in his little bundle of warmth. you giggled and wriggled into his embrace, resting your head on his chest with a content sigh.

‘gnight soonie, i love you’

‘i love you too baby.. good night’

feeling your body grow heavy with the intoxicating warmth of your lover’s body combined with the weighted blanket, you hummed quietly and nuzzled your face closer to soonyoung’s chest. you felt his lips gently press onto the crown of your head.

‘babe?’

‘hmm?’ you grunted, half asleep.

‘i can’t sleep now. your cold grippers woke me up’

a/n: this is like peak kie humor LMFAO anyway i meant to make this soft and sweet but it ended up being more humor than fluff although it gets kinda fluffy at the end?? hehe anyway i miss u guys i promise to come back once college apps szn is over

[riiver000]

I doodled this at the hospital. Yeah I was at the hospital. Just wanted to give a little life update cause I might not do much in the next week or few

Tw for like. Gross medical stuffs.

So, just under a week ago, I started getting pain in my lower back/upper ass area. I sit a lot (I’m a loser) so I thought I just sat weird. Today was when I found out it was an infection. a cyst, in fact! And I had to go to the hospital to get it sorted. Got some antibiotics, so I should be good! But they’re also making me feel really nauseous so.. might not be able to post for another week ):

Now for the less gross stuff that’s going on in my life. I’ve been homeschooled for about a year, but my mum decided to get me back into school. When I’m starting? No clue! But it’ll be in the next few weeks. If I start posting less, it’s cause of that. But I hopefully wanna keep posting during school days!!! We’ll just have to see.

Anyway, if you made it here then thank you!!! It’s nice that you care about me and my health.. hehe…….. ok I’m going to bed now gnight

[possumpop]

Top Surgery Diary - day 6

probably only gonna do one more of these, and then just continue with random posts as anything notable occurs

slept in this morning! whoops! kinda threw things into a bit of chaos bc Luke had to do my morning stuff And give Milo his eye drops/pills And feed the cats And feed us. and download the latest episode of wanpre. but we got it done

my drains continue to be dry as hell. thankfully in about 12 hours I'll be getting them ripped out!!! YESSSS!!!! I'm taking my last oxy an hour before we leave so I'm nicely numbed for the drive, and also for the process of removing the drains. still not looking forward to that, but it'll be what it'll be! no point in stressing too much. I'll only ever need to feel it once. well. twice, I guess.

what I am really looking forward to is getting to TAKE THIS ACE BANDAGE OFF FOR ONCE. good god, idk why the UofM top surgeons opt for ace bandage wrap instead of the "binder from hell" as I've heard many affectionately call it, but I would much rather deal with an evenly compressing garment than this nightmare of shifting uneven compression. hopefully when the re-wrap me it'll be a bit nicer, and at least I'll have the opportunity to re do it every day after nipple time

oh and ofc I'm looking forward to seeing my new chest! honestly I feel like I'm not going to have the crazy reaction that feels warranted for how big of a change this technically is, but like. not once in this whole time have I been shocked by not having boobs. it's just felt so natural and correct. I honestly struggle remember what they felt like. and I had them for 15 years. and they were Big. I'm sure some time down the line, when I get to stop wrapping my chest, and I feel a shirt against my bare skin there? that's when it's gonna hit

also, really looking forward to walking outside! the weather has been so nice recently, and it'll be a nice way to get out of the house. pacing for 10 mins across the house has gotten pretty boring. I do worry about running into my aunt though, bc she walks her dog by our house a lot

it's too much to explain fully, but my mentally disabled aunt, my grandma, and my uncle (all maternal side) live down the road from us in another trailer. and while I love all of them, I've never actually explicitly come out to them. it's kinda like I'm sitting in the closet, but the door is wide open. they do call me AJ instead of my deadname now though, which has been really nice. and I'm not against them knowing, but I'm really hoping my mom can explain things to them. she knows her siblings and her mom well enough to figure out the best way to tackle that

that was a tangent. anyway! showering is gonna be interesting. I'm once again grateful for my partner, bc idk how I would even attempt showering on my own. especially getting my back. god it's gonna feel so nice to have my back scrubbed. it's been so itchy, it'll be such a huge relief

these diary posts get rambly when I'm in bed. maybe it's the oxy. gnight

[desceros]

well i was Going to go to bed early. but then i got distracted thinkin bout villain au donnie. then i decided to respond to all my ao3 comments. now im sitting here an hour late to bed like. hm. hmmmmm. repercussed again

anyway gnight everyone see you tomorrowwwwww <333

[hyenaswine]

anyway i have finally clammed down & now im going to bed at 9:30, gnight & i love ye