#anyway go vote idk how any of you are gonna decide

[edge-oftheworld]

5sos bridge bracket: part 37

🌉🌉🌉

refreshers under the cut

permanent vacation:

congratulations, your imitations are taking over the radio station

corporations, calculations, we're the voice of the new generation

congratulations, your imitations are taking over the radio station

corporations, calculations, we're the voice of the new generation

hey!

airplanes:

i don't ever wanna wait for this

i know that I was made for this

I won't fade into dark

I'm not gonna say that I'm sorry

gonna see the end of this story

I won't fade into darkness

[doyouremem8erme]

Hii can I share a new Marcy Harm idea with you?? A sort of Raised in Amphibia AU with a twist - as soon as Andrias took little Marcy in, he realized she was insanely intelligent, like as a toddler and all she would beat him at flipwart and read complex science books and stuff, like this kid's IQ is through the ROOF. So being a bit of a sciency guy himself he thought, mmmm what if we exchange the Core's current digital hardware for a biological one? The human brain is stronger than any computer in the multiverse. Not only is he giving the Core a body, but a whole new level of software processing like this kid's grey matter is insaneeee just imagine all the weird immortal AI processes you can run in it!

So ever since she's little he basically grooms her into being the perfect host. She spends all her time either connected to weird wires that go deep into her nervous system to prepare her for the Core, or being made to solve puzzles and learn languages and do all of this stuff to exercise her brain. She's super young when the Core is transported into her and Marcy kinda... ceases to exist? She's vaguely conscious of her surroundings but it's not like she has any sense of self or awareness of what's going on. She's like an expectator who can't think feel or understand anything. Her brain is being used by someone else.

So when Anne and Sasha, who also grew up in Amphibia, eventually fight this big bad that's been threatening their world, they're surprised to find out it wasn't like... a robot or a newt in a weird suit, but a small human girl that looks roughly their age and can barely form a word and doesn't know her own name or what's going on. Their entire lives they thought they were the only two humans in Amphibia! They're definitely bringing this one over to the Plantars' farm. If only she could understand what's happening around her. She was a piece of hardware, right? She was a machine. She was vaguely aware of that. She was The Core, or at least its processing system. She doesn't know she's a person.

ohhh this reminds me a lot of my old omelas au except without utterly butchering the concepts of ursela k le guin's work. i LOVE it

and back when i was working on that au i went down a pretty disturbing wikipedia rabbit hole about what it would be like to try to recover from really extreme levels of mental neglect and lemme just say that after they free her . it would take something close to a miracle to let her live a normal life.

now that youve made me think abt this concept again tho i am GOING to be rotating it in my brain so very hard like. in my old fic i hadnt put much thought into how marcy had ended up in that situation but. now. i cant stop thinking about like . anne and sasha finally finding this other human and shes completely broken from being used like that for so so so long. seeing that done to someone. thats a level of horror worse than any of the scary wildlife in amphibia . andrias is SO fucking dead for this one

anyways just for fun heres the opening of the ones who walk away from newtopia. this is super super old. for context it was a human au + olivia is andrias's daughter in it.

i never fully decided how much of this was marcy being used by the core to like. make its choices for how best to rule this utopia and how much it was some kinda karmic magic where all the suffering that would otherwise exist rested solely on her shoulders . but i think the implication was that she was gonna get the core fully downloaded into her at the end there? idk its been a long long time

ok i should probably go leave to go vote!!! yay!!! but i will be THINKING about this. oughhhh used as the cores computer her whole life thats good

[mattslolita]

okayyy basically first period we had religious studies an cuz im just soo smart i got like 84 out of 96 on my christianity and islam paper. 😇we did the test before the holidays an they gave the results back ONLY now 😒 anyway thats completly irelevant... 🤣 but we hav a new seating plan AGAINNN and i sit next to my boyfriend woooo!! but.. he kept saying he was sleepy cuz he slept for 3 hours only. so he kept leaning on me and my teacher kept tellin him to get off of me 😭

then 2nd i cant even remeber what we had but the teacher gave him a detention cuz he had trainers on instead of "school schoes" LMAO! but the thing is they literally nike air forces like, jus got a logo an its an issue? same style shoes from fucking idk KICKERS 😭 would be PERFECTLEY fine! he was also in a bad mood cuz he dint sleep 😤 so he was arguin with him and ended up gettin taken out the class.. they srsly worry bout the stupidest things but things like bullying or EVEN racism r just IGNORED!!!!! for example one of my friends wears a hijab and theres this old ass teacher whos jewish (not an issue but it needs to be said for my point!)who keeps giving her dirty looks and saying things in arabic to her but she dont understand it? one boy who can understand him once said he told her she was "going to hell" and "following the wrong religion". LIKE? WHAT THE ACTUALLL FUCK? hes disgusting!!! hes also... got an israel flag in his classroom? like hows that even allowed? not even the point that i support palestine. its the fact theyre allowed to hav that in their room and its not an issue? cuz things like fucking voting for a new prime minister was kept secret by teachers cuz apparently they dont want "to influence us" but thats okay and wont influence ANYONE???? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE? yuckkk

then last period we had maths and my bf kept complaining that his head was hurtin and cuz the schl wont let u go to the ofice to get paracetamol or any medication during lesons, we bring our own.. (which SUPRISEEE!! is not allowed) and i went to give him one and this fucking bitch comes up to me and says that i should not be bringing that to school, who knows if that actually medicine, and that ill need to go the head teacher to explain y i decided do that as it was unsafe. 🤣 like 3 years ago they sent my friend home for taking paracetamol at schl cuz they thought he was gonna overdose? uhhh he had 1? 1!!!!!!! LMAO! he had a HEADACHE!! i said i wasnt going bc i dint actually DO anything and we would just waste time for literally no reason.. ofc she didnt like that and said i was talking back an being disrespectufl. i went but the head teacher kinda likes me so she said it was okay but i shouldnt do it again and i said i wouldnt (absolutle fucking lie) then when i came bakck my boyfriend took his water bottle and said to me "ive got vodka in here" and i said "thought u said u stopped all that" as A JOKE! bc i know he obviously DOES NOT hav vodka in his bottle LMAO. but this teacher was like "well now i need to smell it to see if ur being serious" he started laughing an got sent out 😭 its actually becoming an issue atp LOLL.

ughhh cant wait to leaveeee!!!!! and SORRY its SO LONG 🫢

good job on ur religions test love !! so proud of you 🫶

here they go messing w ur bf again😭😫 AND UNT UNT THAT TEACHER MESSING WITH UR ARABIC FRIEND ??? HE'LL REALLY CATCH THESE HANDS CAUSE YOU NOT FINNA GIVE POOKIE DIRTY LOOKS & TALK SHIT THE FUCK ?? AND HES A FUCKING ISRAEL SUPPORTER WHAT THE FUCK.

ur school is weird as fuck, like the rules & shit don't make no sense to me. anyone should be allowed to go to the medical office if their feeling sick or just not feeling well like wdf ??

[sexymanbattleroyale]

inspired by the likes of @/sexymanotd's sexyrematch, and all the other tumblr polls that have been going around, i have decided that it would be neat if i did my own version but it consists of entries on the sexyman wiki that i think are really fucking funny (and one outlier, added due my friend's request. who is it? well fuck around and find out). the winner of this contest will get. idk something

RULES/NOTES OR SOMETHING

again i mostly chose them because its funny, if you're gonna ask me "but (blank) is a sexyman!" or "why is (blank) a sexyman", idk dude, i'm just going along as we speak

i plan for the polls to be one on one

idk how long they'll last, ideally i'd have it be like 3 days but because tumblr polls are limited in their timeframes i'll have to figure out what works best

i don't know all of these guys but i'll try to make small descriptions of each character under the polls so that if you dont know who they are you can make a semi-informed vote anyway. democracy win!

if you're fans of any of these guys more power to you, this isnt meant to make anyone feel bad, this is just me putting the most random fuckers imaginable into a bracket

have fun pls. or at least dont like cyberbully ppl over this poll, this is all in good fun

heres all the competitors in one image. there are 32 of these motherfuckers. who will win? who will lose? who will be the king/queen/monarch of the stupid sexyman battle royale?

[kawarikisaki]

Maybe the Ekoda gang could do a Wizard of Oz group costume with Akako as the wicked witch of the west , Hakuba as the tin woodsman, Kaito as the titular wizard , Aoko as Glenda and Keiko idk the scarecrow. That way Akako can dress as a more traditional witch.

Okay so I love this and am maybe thinking way too hard about it because my brain has decided to just run wild with the idea of the Ekoda gang putting on the Wizard of Oz as a class play....

And if you needed any evidence for how much I've latched on to this:

I love excuses to play dress up but anyway....

They're doing this for the school festival and there's a prize for the class that gets the most votes of being the best, and I can't decide what the prize is, but whatever it is our beloved Ekoda gang has decided they must win. (like really funny if it's just a pizza party or something, but maybe there's a trophy that has a gem in it and Aoko wants to have it so she can protect it from Kid and the others are along for the ride).

So Aoko is playing Glenda, but she feels like she's been miscast, because 'isn't this character supposed to be super pretty? Wouldn't Akako be better for this?'. But everyone is reassuring her and Akako is really happy in her evil witch role- she's even practicing her evil cackle, really living her best life.

Kaito is playing the wizard, but let's face it, Kaito is as extra about things as he can be at any given time. So he's also the make-up artist for the whole production, and also in charge of all special effects (the class knows he's a magician, they know how good he is when he's just having fun, they're going to enjoy having his chaos as a weapon in their arsenal to win at school festival-ing.)

Saguru definitely bummed at least one of their classmates out a little bit casually mentioning how the Tin man in the classic movie had gotten very sick because of make-up made with a lead based paint, it's how he ended up in that role. Saguru is pretty sure Kaito doesn't dislike him enough to try to make him sick.... but he has noticed that Kaito is being very intentional about making sure that he can't see the label on the silver make-up he's using....

Anyway I'm gonna stop before this becomes a whole fanfiction (though it is getting added to my list of story ideas...)

[purgemarchlockdown]

i've noticed that every prisoner's victim so far has been largely sympathetic in some way except for amane's (and maybe kotoko's if the theories are wrong) and while i get that it's probably because of the whole morally grey thing the series has going on, i wonder if there's another reason for it.

like sure, i can't say yuno's and shidou's victims needed to live either, if only bc the victims were kind of in a half life anyway, but amane's mom is the only victim so far that i can say absolutely deserved it.

i'm fairly certain this pattern is gonna hold up with mikoto and kotoko too, even if mikoto's whole situation is as confusing as his mvs and kotoko has killed actual criminals before meeting lucky. which really makes her being voted unforgiven in t1 even worse like- we didn't know at the time but still!

anyway, idk where i'm going with this but i thought it was worth noting.

Anon Im so sorry I thought I answered this- yeah its neat that Amane (and then Maybe Kotoko and Mikoto) Are the only unsympathetic victims (thought for a good month after watching AKAA I thought Haruka killed his mom before I took another look and realized it was the girl from Weakness lol) I dont know exactly Why that could be the case though...if anyone has any idea I'd like to hear it!

Re T1 Amane: I like calling what happened in T1 Amane's Voting an Author's Trap because it's such a trap its So funny.

They lure you in with how joyful this girl is at killing someone and use the fictional imagery to lure you into believing that it isnt extremely accurate to what actually happened (I Always find this neat about Magic, it just Shows You It lol) so the audience doesn't think too hard about the extreme horrible torture and abuse that's just blatantly shown on screen...then hit you over the head with "Dududu! You've perpetuated the cycle of abuse!" This kind of stuff can go badly cause like- if you do it wrong, then it just feels like you wanted to be smarter than the audience and it makes the audience feel cheated and betrayed (*cough* MOFFAT *cough) but it works for Amane since we SAW the torture. It was something people KNEW about and DISCUSSED and then DECIDED that it would be better to take the tough love approach anyway. We Didn't Need to know she killed her mother to Know that she was abused. It's great, I love it when creators do this.

[sunny6677]

Spooky Month: The Dating Sim

Part 35

(I'm mainly just doing this because it's fun to watch, but this is basically a spooky month interactive thing/poll which is kinda like a dating sim. Of course, only the adult characters can be your love interests. So do take that in mind.)

————

You decided to introduce yourself right then and there. So with a polite smile, you began to tell him your name. Out of basic manners, you asked him what his name might have been even if you already knew it.

For a few moments, he was silent. Perhaps you were a little too foward? Yet even so, an awkward smile played at his lips, and he let out a sheepish huff. "Heh.. I'm Streber. It's nice to meet you." He then paused, before asking, "How come you're out here anyway?". You assumed he must have been asking that out of curiosity, though out of context, it sounded a little rude.

You answered that you had gone out to take a walk just to see if something would happen. You felt a whir of breeze brush against your skin swiftly as a car speeded it's way by along the road. You then asked him where he might have been going.

Casting a side-glance, he simply answered, "Uh.. I was just heading down to get some things from the nearby store. I—I'm a mechanic, so I was gonna go get a few things."

He was a mechanic? Huh. That was interesting.

You then only gave a simple hum of acknowledgement, before deciding to end the conversation so he wouldn't be forced to speak with you and delay his trip to the store any longer. You spoke, saying you would be on your way. You didn't want to tell him he could just go now, considering it would sound like you would want him to just go away or something. But you quickly added that it was nice to have spoken to him.

Streber blinked, before laughing a little. Soft chuckles escaping his bright grin, he said back, "It was nice to meet you too. Wherever you go, stay safe, alright?". You smiled back, and assured him that you would.

You then waved your hand, signaling a farewell as you began to walk swiftly away in the direction you had been heading. You saw him wave a hand back, though he said something you couldn't exactly hear over the harsh breeze.

For a few minutes, you walked and walked. The roads usual ambience began to grow a little hour as the sun began to lower a little. It was clear that it was evening now, and that it would eventually set into night time. You began to hear chirping from nearby crickets in the underbrush of the grass beside the sidewalk, hiding and scattering beneath the sharp green blades. And you only heard your feet stomping against the concrete.

You had only a few hours before being outside by yourself would be considered a little dangerous. So you still had enough time to consider what else to do.

[ygo-monster-type-tournament]

Info post!

What is this blog?

⁂ I've decided to hold a tournament to decide which Yu-Gi-Oh! Monster Type is the best. Monster Type as in Galaxy-type, Spellcaster-type, that kind of thing. Not to be confused with Monster Type as in Pendulum, Synchro, and the like. I don't know why they're called the same thing sometimes.

What did any of those things mean?

⁂ If you're asking such a thing, you're likely a non-yugioh fan who has come across this blog. Long story short, Yu-Gi-Oh! is a trading card game based on a manga, there are monster cards and every monster has a type, there are 24 different types so far but there will likely be more in the future. (there's more depending on how you count them, but 24 relevant ones.) Even if you don't know what's going on, you can still vote if you like, just choose whichever sounds cooler! Oh and don't worry about what Pendulum and Synchro mean. seriously, don't worry about Pendulum.

When will the tournament happen?

⁂ I'm waiting to get more followers before I start, because I want this to be a big tournament with lots of votes! So, like, idk maybe a week from now? (it's currently March 15 as of this writing). Maybe sooner if I get impatient, maybe later if I'm really busy.

Why are you posting about unrelated things?

⁂ Partly to try to become slightly more relevant, and partly just to have fun!

Who are you, anyways?

⁂ Hello there! My name is Aster. My main blog is @asterism343, and I love Yu-Gi-Oh! very very much, anime manga and card game alike.

Can I make posts trying to convince people to vote for a certain type and tag you in them?

⁂ omg yessss please do this

whats that cool lookin triple asterisk symbol?

⁂ Its called an asterism so of course I'm gonna use it whenever i get the chance lol

Which Type do YOU want to win?

⁂ Well I can't just skew the results like that, can I? Well, if you REALLY want to know...read this post from the beginning and look for the hint!

I have another question, can I send asks?

⁂ Of course! My askbox is open, ask away!

[makeste]

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

[bastillewolf]

Hello idk if the requests are still going but if not then its okay ignore this and if they are please don't over work yourself and you don't need to do my request if you don't want to just stay healthy and eat well and drink lots of water we all live your work (and are simps for corpse-)

The ask : could I ask for a corpse husband x reader where they used to get shipped together before they even meet each other and when they meet each other corpse goes soft for reader and they play two rounds In among us together where they are imposters together and corpse is an imposter alone in the other round

Reader info : reader has a very soft voice and is a softie and the pronounce is she/her or they/them ( as you wish)

Again you don't gotta do it if you don't want to

Thanks so much for the ask, An. I was feeling like shit and this was a lot of fun to write. I’m sorry though, I completely read over the part where the reader was supposed to have a soft voice. I’ll see if I can make another one with this specification sometime. Also, I wrote this rather quickly because I’m watching Twilight for the first time and now my feelings are hurt.

#CorpseBride - Oneshot

Pairings: Corpse / Reader

Twitter wasn’t really your forte, but you knew how to get around. It’s just that you never really had the time to check it, let alone to see what’s on the trending page every single day. At the very least, you were capable of replying to your friends’ stuff and letting your viewers know when you were streaming or when a new video would be up. Again, you weren’t a pro, but you got by.

Until you didn’t.

“Hey, everyone,” you greeted, and immediately went to change your Among Us figure to its usual colour and outfit before someone else took it.

Everyone welcomed you, while it seemed Toast was still busy trying to get a last person to join.

“Whaddup, baby,” Corpse’s shot out from the rest of them. It was pure teasing, something he’d grown quite comfortable with ever since people had blatantly started simping for his voice. “Nothing much, honey. How’ve you been?” You cheekily replied. “Pretty good. Streaming still makes me nervous, though.” “You greeted me with ‘Whaddup, baby’ and then proceed to tell me you’re nervous? Don’t get upset when I say that I don’t believe you.” He chuckled at that.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Impostor

“Ha!” you called out, “I doubt this will soothe your nerves, Corpse. You’re teamed up with me now.” You sneaked in a glance at chat. “We are not an old married couple! If anything, he can be my bitch for this round. I’m just not gonna murder anyone.”

And that’s basically how it went. He managed to kill three people and still wasn’t being sussed. “Alright, I think I’ve tortured him enough,” you laughed, “I’ll even spare Sykkuno for the man.”

You managed to corner Toast and killed him in a corner where the water wheels were, before heading out into admin. You vented until you found Corpse in Labs and jumped out. It was right when Sykkuno walked in.

“Oh, god no. Please, Sykkuno.”

Your kill count still wasn’t down yet and he was obviously planning to run straight out the door to hit the emergency button, but he was stopped. Corpse had murdered him in an instant.

Your mouth was hanging open. “Did… Did he just kill Sykkuno for me?” Chat was going absolutely wild. “What the fuck just happened?” You decided to report the body anyway.

“I can’t fucking believe it,” Corpse growled, “Not my best friend, Sykkuno.”

You had to mute yourself to keep the laughter at bay. Corpse evidently vouched for you, saying you’d walked in on the body together. Felix was sussed and voted out.

“Corpse, you killed me!” Sykkuno cried out.

“I’m so sorry, Sykkuno! I wanted to spare you but you walked in at the wrong time!” You pleaded.

“Sacrifices had to be made,” Corpse merely responded.

“Wait, what happened?” Sean asked.

“I walked in on one of them venting and then Corpse killed me!”

“Collateral damage. You watched me get killed one time, too.”

“Blame me, Sykkuno. It was my fault,” but you were laughing as you said it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard such regret coming from an imposter,” Sean laughed along, “Also, why the fuck were you two being so slow? Three meetings in and you’d only killed three people.”

“Corpse was simping for me,” you replied.

“I was not.”

“Yes, you were. Otherwise you would’ve asked me what the hell I’d been doing that entire time.”

“Fuck off,” he laughed.

“Corpse is an UWU-boy!”

“Oh my god, you guys are already trending.”

“Wait, what?”

Your phone was being blasted off to space, getting tons of messages with the hashtag #CorpseBride. It was number 1 trending on Twitter.

“So… whaddup, baby?”

“Oh no, you better buy me a drink first.”

“Sure.”

 You hadn’t thought he’d been serious in that moment, until he’d asked you to meet up after the game had ended. You hesitantly agreed, but reminded him that he absolutely did not have to participate in this just for the meme. “I’m not doing this for the meme,” he’d said, “I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while, I just never knew how. It seemed like the perfect timing.”

You met him at his apartment, knowing how he was about going out in public, and feeling extremely nervous. You’d brought takeout, and because you hadn’t been sure what he wanted you’d ordered way too much. Upon opening the door, he looked at you, down at the bag, and said, “Shit, you got food?” Not really knowing what else to say, you simply replied, “Uh, yeah.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have lots of leftovers, then.”

He smiled, gave you a hug that ended way too fast and left you paralyzed for a minute, and then invited you in. It turned out he’d already ordered food, too. “Plenty to choose from,” he laughed awkwardly. “Uh… You got any neighbours who might want some?” you asked.

“I-I don’t really talk to anyone outside of my friend group.”

“Oh, of course. I could go around, if you’d like.”

“You’d do that for me?”

You furrowed your brows. “Of course I would. Why not?”

“Alright, but let me at least come with you. You just do the talking.”

Three knocks at three different doors later, and someone accepted the offer and took over some of the food. “Hang on a minute,” the elderly man said, clad in only his pyjamas and a bathrobe, managing to make the situation even more uncomfortable, “Aren’t you my neighbour? You always scurry off before I get the chance to talk to you!”

You looked at Corpse, and he back at you, and you turned back to the elderly man. “He, uh… He’s very people shy. He has anxiety. I’m trying to help him cope. Also, his vocal chords are damaged.” Nothing you’d said so far had been a lie, technically, but the man still remained sceptical. “Then why didn’t you just leave a note or something?”

“Uh…” you jumped at the small voice appearing from behind you. It’s just that his ‘small voice’ is still nothing close to small. “I know, I’m terribly sorry, sir. I also just wanted to let you know that if you ever need anything, I’m just a few doors away.”

This seemed to please the man enough.

“I can’t believe you made me do that.”

“I made you?!” You gasped, “I didn’t make you do anything, you filthy liar! You’re just as bad in real life as in Among Us, when you’re the impostor and I’m the innocent crewmate.”

“No comment.”

“I didn’t even ask you a question.”

“No comment.”

“Deadass?”

“Deadass.”

You both laughed. Corpse hesitated for just a moment, but decided to ask anyway, “Were you nervous when I opened the door?”

You chuckled awkwardly, admitting, “Yeah, I was. I always get anxious meeting people. Well, we’d met before, of course. But just, you know, in real life.”

“I get it.”

You stood there in silence for a moment, until you noticed the rest of the takeout in your hands was getting cold. “Come on, wife,” he joked, linking his pinkie finger with yours, “Let me get you that drink.”

If he hadn’t dragged you along then and there, you could’ve sworn your knees would’ve given out.

TAG LIST CLOSED

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[bibbawrites]

Don’t Touch - Charlie Gillespie x Reader (18+)

Request: Hi!! Can you please do one about Charlie doing ‘no nut November’ and you not knowing... maybe him and Owen made a secret bet about it?? 

Word Count: 1274 words

Summary: you find out that your boyfriend Charlie is trying to complete no nut November, and you decide to try and mess with him 

Warnings: sexual content, teasing, implied sex, swearing

A/N: not my greatest work but also not my worst, this was the most voted for in my poll, getting 52% of the votes  hopefully you guys enjoy this ! sorry for any typos, i didn’t properly edit it lol i was feeling lazy also really sorry if the formatting is fucked up, idk what’s going on but random spaces kept appearing while i was writing it, i think i got rid of them all but i cant be certain lol  and please do not post it anywhere else, thank you! 

Tag List:  @happinessinthedarkesttimes​ @littlemissaddict​ @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic​ @headheartbellarke​ @lovesanimals​ @bartok-the-magnificent​ @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765​

Sav sent a message to Girls Only! Sav y/n !!! Sav boy do i have some news for you Sav some very... interesting news Y/N ooh i love news Madi ooh tea time???

Tori i’m here what’s happening Sav just overheard your dumbass boyfriend and his equally stupid best friend discussing a bet Y/N oh really? do tell Sav did you know he’s doing no nut november Jadah ew Madi ewwwwwwwwww no did not need to know that

Tori and i’m leaving  Y/N i did not Y/N although that explains why he didn’t wanna have sex last night Madi oop Jadah stop this is tmi Carolynn oh god what have i walked in on? Madi can you have this conversation somewhere else please i do not want to think about charlie like this Sav then just don’t Sav too lazy to move chats Jadah just don’t say too much then Y/N wonder why he didn’t tell me Sav who knows Sav figured you didn’t know when you hadn’t mentioned it to me Carolynn sav you are far too involved in y/n and charlie’s sex life Sav that’s how you know it’s a true friendship Madi so how are we gonna get back at them Madi we are getting back at them, right? Y/N charlie at least Y/N unless one of y’all is prepared to fuck with owen Madi i’m a child Carolynn i’m married Jadah also a child

Tori no thank you Sav no. Y/N i said fuck with, not fuck lol, y’all could just prank him or something

Y/N anyways i have a plan

Y/N but it’s not for little ears

Y/N care, tori do you wanna know or?

Tori no thanks lol

Carolynn i’m okay, good luck though x

Y/N ty x

Y/N sav, to our private chat

- 

Sav sent a message to Y/N

Sav spill

Y/N okay so

Y/N i’m gonna make him regret it

Sav as you should

Y/N i’m thinking get sexy, pull out the good wine and seduce the shit outta him

Sav want me to distract owen?

Y/N that would be really appreciated

Sav done, dinner and a movie give you enough time?

Y/N that’s perfect thank you

Y/N i owe you

Sav don’t mention it

Sav besides, gonna make owen pay for everything as his punishment for getting involved

Sav so i’m the real winner

Y/N i love that for you

Y/N okay i’m gonna go get sexy

Sav good luck! i expect a full report tomorrow

Y/N of course

Y/N love you x Sav love you too x

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later it was finally time to begin your plan. You had put on some natural, yet sexy makeup, Charlie’s favourite set of lingerie and one of his cut off shirts to cover it, although cover was probably not the right word to describe how much of the lingerie the shirt showed.  “Hey baby.” Charlie called, entering your shared bedroom and flopping down onto the bed. “You look nice, what’s the occasion?”  “No occasion, just wanted to surprise you.” You replied, straddling his hips. You lent down to kiss him, but he turned his head so that you kissed his cheek.  “I’d love to baby but I’m so tired.” Charlie rubbed your hip slightly. “Maybe later.”  “Oh okay.” You replied, not deterred. You knew this wasn’t going to be easy.  “Actually I might take a nap if that’s okay.” He decided.  “Of course babe.” You lent down to kiss him, before climbing off him, moving in a way so that he would get a full view of your body under his shirt. Charlie bit his lip, and you grinned to yourself slightly as you left the room. This was gonna be good.

- 

Just over an hour later Charlie entered the living room, where you had been sitting, waiting for him to wake up. 

“Feeling better?” You questioned, looking up at him. He nodded.  “Much. Where’s Owen?”  “With Sav. They went to the movies or something like that.” You replied, pretending that you were unsure of your best friend’s plans. “Oh okay.” Charlie sat down on the couch and you quickly moved to straddle his lap, snuggling into him, your face pressed into his neck. He wrapped his arms around you, freezing when his hand brushed against your hip. “Y/N.” He asked slowly. You hummed in response, your lips grazing his neck slightly. “Why aren’t you wearing underwear?” His voice wobbled and you bit back a smile. “Didn’t feel like it.” You replied nonchalantly. 

“You didn’t...” He swallowed. “You didn’t feel like it?” 

You shook your head, grinning to yourself when you felt him harden underneath you. 

You sat up, causing friction between your crotches and pretended to look concerned when Charlie flinched slightly.

“You okay baby? You look a bit flustered.” You asked, secretly proud of how worried you sounded. Charlie nodded slightly. 

“I’m fine.” He mumbled. “Still tired I guess.” 

“Want me to make you a coffee?” You asked, pressing your lips to his neck softly. 

“Actually I might go buy us dinner. Indian okay?” He questioned, practically pushing you off his lap. You giggled slightly, watching him pull his shoes on in record time. 

“Sounds delicious.” You said, licking your lips. Charlie’s eyes widened, and with a quick nod he rushed out the front door, leaving you to giggle over how well this was going. 

- 

By the time Charlie arrived home you had thought of a whole new plan. Charlie had entered the room, food in hand and brought it into the living room, not even pausing to take his shoes off. He sat down on the couch with a sigh. Time to put the plan into action. 

“Here, let me help you.” You dropped to your knees in front of him, looking up at him through your lashes to see his reaction. You untied his shoes quickly, putting them to the side before grabbing onto his thigh to help yourself up, making sure to squeeze just enough.  

“Why are you doing this?” Charlie asked, and you frowned, pretending that you didn’t know what he was referring to. 

“Doing what baby?” You questioned, your voice soft. Charlie shook his head. 

“Being so sexual all of the sudden. It’s like you’re-” He stopped, eyes widening in realisation. “You know, don’t you?” 

“Know what?” You feigned confusion. 

“About the bet, with Owen. To see who can do no nut November longer. That’s why you’re acting like this, you’re trying to get me to break.” He said, and you smiled sweetly. 

“Hmm yeah maybe a little birdy told me.” You sung, and Charlie groaned. 

“Owen?” He guessed. You shook your head. 

“Nope.” 

“Savannah.” He stated, and you nodded. A disgusted look came over his face. 

“Ew, is Savannah trying to get Owen to lose the bet?” He asked and your eyes widened. 

“Oh god no, gross, I’d never make her do that.” You exclaimed. “Your punishment was being teased, Owen’s was paying for Sav’s dinner and a movie.” 

Charlie looked relieved. 

“So if you know, and Sav knows, I assume she’s gonna confront Owen at some point?” He paused and you nodded. “So the bet is off then?” 

“You lasted four days, I think that’s good enough.” You agreed. He stood up, grabbing you and lifting you so that you wrapped your legs around his waist. 

“Perfect.” He whispered, crashing his lips into yours. You pulled away and he whined. 

“What about our food?” You questioned, looking down at the white plastic bag on the coffee table. 

“We’ll microwave it.” Charlie said, before carrying you to the bedroom so that he could officially lose the bet. 

- 

Y/N sent a message to Sav

Y/N mission successful ;) 

[moral-turpitudes]

College Headcanons: Modern!Peaky Blinders Edition

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: This came to me in a dream. Enjoy. 

Thomas Shelby:

Double Major: Political Science and Business Management (bc he likes to work himself to death) Minor: Military Sciences/ROTC

Likes debating and trying to outsmart the professor.

Often seen on campus with bloody knuckles from rocking someone’s jaw.

Would 100% punch a motherfucker for being mean to someone he cares about.

Doesn’t need to be in a fraternity to be known around campus, just don’t mess with him and you’ll be fine.

All the girls whisper as he walks by but he don’t give a fuck cuz he has to go to his lectures.

He’s on time for every class and pulls out his pocket watch if the professor is more than 5 minutes late. If the professor can’t bother showing up then he dips out.

Almost got suspended for one too many fist fights.

Has a “thing” for the barista at the campus Starbucks. He learned after frequent visits, that her name was Grace and that she liked black coffee just like him.

Mysterious and moody af. No one knows if they’ve ever seen him smile, except when chatting up Grace.

Tries his best to study, but ends up getting dragged into his siblings shenanigans or into his head about the family business.

Keeps to himself for the most part, except for having a few close friends.

Hates technology so he uses a typewriter and prefers receiving letters/mail over emails.

Can’t figure out how to use Grace the baristas phone when typing in his number and tells her to write it down instead.

Often tells her to meet him after her shift. 😏

Professors hate him because of his reliance on paper. Totes not eco-friendly but he doesn’t care. Tommy always gets his way.

Grace always gives him a cookie for free cuz she knows he forgets to eat.

Always seen smoking or sneaking drinks of whiskey in a flask, even at 7am lectures.

Binge drinks on weekends with his bros, and drunk calls barista Grace when he has maybe 3 working brain cells left for the night. On other weekends when he’s coherent, he meets with Polly and tries to discuss business plans since their dad dipped out like a bitch.

To make matters worse, after dating for a while, Grace just leaves him. He thinks his aunt Polly may have been too hard on her, but he didn’t know until later that she lied when she said she didn’t know about the business. But barista bitch knew everything, and was gonna expose them to her higher-ups in the criminal justice department before long.

Arthur Shelby:

Major: Agriculture Minor: Military Science/ROTC

Graduated just barely.

Ended up in some trouble with his peeps in the military science department, probs for cussing someone out.

Angry, loud, and emotional af.

Loved drinking with John and his frat boy friends.

No one messed with him if they valued their life.

Started one too many fights and got suspended for reals. Almost beat a man to death but we don’t talk about that.

He gets stressed really easily so in his free time he draws horses.

When he gets real mad he takes it to the campus boxing ring and punches to his hearts content.

On his way back to his dorm one night he saw a girl who was in his agriculture class. She was cute and also in a “Christian” ministry group on campus. He decided to chat her up when she was preaching, just to see what it was about.

They later dated but then she cheated around with a fellow churchy man and just went off the rails. When he found out it wasn’t pretty.

Her friends and pastor most likely shamed her cuz she be ✨sinning✨. Therefore not helping her mental state.

Her name was Linda. Never trust a Linda.

Everyone tried to console Arthur but only boxing and drinking at Johns frat house did the trick.

Tommy often had to run to his dorm in the middle of the night to talk him out his mental breakdowns. College is hard.

In the end, he was glad he did agriculture even if his crazy ex would constantly stare at him during lectures, probably plotting his demise.

Some days he’d take out his frustrations by chopping wood and helping out on the farm where he worked and studied most days.

But you bet your ass fuckin’ Linda showed up to his dorm one time though with a gun and tried to shoot him, but she didn’t know his brothers and aunt were there too. Polly may have shot her in the arm tho. But when the campus PD showed up shit really went down.

We don’t know where Linda is now, but that’s probs for the best.

John Shelby:

Major: Music (idk I felt like he’s a musical boi) Minor: Military Science/ROTC

He’s a frat boy through and through. He drops it low on the dance floor and is known to dive onto beer pong tables.

Constantly going to parties and hooking up with sorority girls, that is until he meets a girl named Esme who’d been dragged to the party by her friends.

Suddenly he ain’t no hoe no more, he’s head over boots in love with her and she loves him too.

They be sneaking around in various buildings, often having to make a run for it to escape security.

He’d play her songs after hard training days with his military buds cuz it helps him calm down.

He’s not as violent as his older brothers, but he’ll fuck a person up if needed.

His fraternity is the second most important thing to him besides his girl. He loves the energy of the fraternity, the partying, and acting a whole fool with his friends, but Esme has him whipped.

His studies are struggling though cuz he loves to get turnt. He hates the studying aspect of college.

Always getting his brothers into trouble.

Snorts coke off Esme’s tits on occasion at the frat parties. It’s a wild time.

Has the mouth of a sailor but a heart of gold.

Talks of kids with Esme after dating for a year. Can’t afford a ring yet tho, but their bud Jeremiah marries them anyway on a whim.

After Arthur and the Grace fiasco ensues, he drops out of college because Esme falls pregnant. In the end, she ends up getting the chickens and wild cottage!core house she’d always wanted. They both decide to raise their kids there, living their best lives until Tommy drags them into more family matters later on.

Ada Shelby:

Major: English Minor: Gender & Women’s Studies

Always seen in the most stylish clothes.

She’s quiet most times but can be very knowledgeable on various subjects.

She’s constantly going off on her older brothers and trying to smack some sense into them.

Feels like something is off with the barista Tommy’s been seeing, but it’s not her problem.

Can 100% find her chilling in the back of Starbucks reading old novels or writing literature reviews.

When she’s not there, she’s holed up in the library where she works part time, studying and practicing for debates.

10/10 would fuck in the library cuz she knows all the best secret places to go to. 😏

Organizes meetings with different campus associations and demands equality for students.

Spends her free time surfing the net for clothes or keeping an eye out for a potential new bae.

Is probably the best at studying. She earns the best grades let’s be honest.

Will not hesitate to call a bitch out. She may not throw hands but she’ll throw words that can cut you like a knife.

Works for the campus paper, spilling all the tea on campus life. Her brothers often reluctantly agree to be her mock interview subjects for a range of assignments.

She breaks necks when walking around campus, everyone moves out of their way for her.

She’s a bad bitch.

Finn Shelby:

Major: Photography Minor: English

He hates how violent his brothers are but would 10/10 back them up if needed.

Often asks Ada for advice on studying and girls.

Doesn’t like the frat boy scene like John, but goes to the parties anyways with his best friends Isiah and Bonnie.

He’s a freshman and you can tell. He still has a glimmer of life in his eyes and a pep in his step as he walks around campus.

When he’s not taking pictures for class, he’s taking pictures of his girlfriend.

She’s his muse even when doing the simplest of things like sitting in a chair or reading one of his English books.

Each week he’d surprise her with a picture he took when she wasn’t looking, telling her how beautiful she is.

He may not look strong, but after many nights at the boxing ring with Arthur, he knew how to throw a punch.

He almost flunked his studies a couple times, getting too caught up in partying or being with his girl, but Ada and his Aunt Polly set him straight.

Voted by his family as most likely to not get arrested or suspended from college.

He’d have deep conversations with his friends, often confusing them because it was just that deep.

In his spare time he’d go boxing with Arthur or would try to help Tommy with his essays, but Tommy would get frustrated and tell him to fuck off within the first 10 minutes.

Polly Gray:

Profession: Business Management Professor Side Job: Managing the blinder business with Tommy

When she’s not teaching class, she’s managing the blinder business that was left to her and Tommy to tackle. This also means covering up any suspicions that arise on campus. She has her hands full.

She’s Tommy’s only shred of common sense some days when he gets too stressed out from his 10,000 majors and minors, or wants to plan to overthrow the university.

Will not hesitate to slap someone, preferably her unruly nephews.

Anyone can lie to her but the truth always falls through the cracks, and when she finds out, you’d pray you faced the devil instead.

In her spare time she reads tea leaves and prays for the corrupt souls of her son and his cousins. She really just begs to god that they can come together for once to get the business in line, but even that may be asking too much.

Knows a snake when she sees one. *cough* *cough* Grace the barista.

She’s the first one to tell someone I told ya so, especially her students when they flunk her tests because they decided to get drunk the night before.

When she’s not yelling at her nephews or grading papers, she can be seen at the local bar chatting up coworkers and old flames, hoping to find “the one” eventually. She ends up having a “thing” for the quirky Philosophy professor though. He’s kind of shady cuz she finds out he’s in a similar business on the side, but it only makes her like him more. She craves the danger.

They later end up in a whirlwind romance similar to John and Esme, and everyone loves that for them.

She can also be seen with her head in her hands when trying to persuade Tommy to use technology.

“What is copy and paste Pol? Can’t I just write it down? What’s up with all these gadgets aye?”

“If you want your hand to fall off and to make me lose my mind, then yes, write it down. Grading is bloody hard enough as it is, let alone grading your papers. You’re just like your father ya know, always doing things the hard way.”

Tells Gina off when she gets the chance just like she did Grace. She didn’t shoot her like Linda though, she just hurt some feelings.

May have aided in Grace’s “sudden” departure…maybe…just a little bit.

Secretly ships Tommy with a woman named Lizzie who had been her assistant at her office. She knew she could trust her more, at least.

Despite her harshness, she’s just trying to keep her family from completely fucking up their lives.

Michael Gray:

Major: Accounting Minor: Business Management

Like Tommy, he doesn’t get the hype of fraternities so he just hangs out with his cousins or his small circle of friends, they aren’t saints though.

His mom, Polly is his business management professor. She always calls on him and gives him a hard time when he spaces out in class.

Is often seen around campus with a few friends or his girlfriend Gina who he met in business class. They’re sickening and it was like a whirlwind romance tbh.

He usually finds himself cleaning up his cousin’s messes when it comes to fighting, but if he has to throw some punches he will.

He’s not as impulsive when it comes to matters of business, but where matters of the heart are concerned that’s another story.

When the blinders and Polly were all at her house for dinner one night he announced he was going to marry Gina. Arthur and John laughed and Tommy smirked slightly, still butt-hurt after his Grace left him for little-to-no reason. Ada grinned and bared the news whilst Polly nearly smacked him on the head.

People didn’t dare mess with him, and that went for all his cousins as well.

He spent a majority of his days in class crunching numbers, and most his nights out with the boys getting drunk or fuckin’ with Gina.

Because his mom held him accountable, his grades rivaled Ada’s causing them to get into some friendly competition at times.

He’s cunning like Tommy though. He got into many a screaming match with the older blinder after trying to take over his position in the family business. It ended in some black eyes and Polly smacking both of them with her newspaper. He knew better than to mess with the devil himself.

Despite the tensions between the cousins at times, he’s always the one they go to when they can’t figure out their math homework, and he’d always have to meet one of them in the library at 3 am to smuggle in some cocaine and a drink to keep them studying.

[bonesandthebees]

Aight, I’m past the hardest exams, so now I have some energy to come screaming. The flashback/dream. Tiny Nikki meeting tiny Wilbur. Who thought that was a good idea? Like I get that the intention is that the kids will trust her more than an adult. But as present Nikki said, she spent most of her life on Eldingvegr and her loyalty lies with Tommy and Wilbur. Which is logical because they literally grew up together. The Themisians never even stood a chance.

Also, baby Tommy. Eret holding baby Tommy and scolding tiny Wilbur like a parent might do. They really just watch them grow up and basically parented them. As far as they had time to cuz the boys were left alone a lot growing up. And they still betrayed them because they wanted to keep the throne. (probably because they thought Tommy wouldn’t be capable, which now that I think about it, they did kinda try to check if Wilbur thought Tommy was capable and definitely asked his tutors before going through with it. Which hurt even more because it was a vote of no confidence in a 15-year-old)

Then we get to the AE. Jack is hilarious, I love him. Also, some more Tommy being oblivious to how much shit Wilbur gets for being a bastard and how much it hurts him. AE have diplomats from different planets that permanently stay there? Cool. The way the entire Empire works is kinda cool. Though it’s still an empire and once it starts to fall that economic control is really gonna screw some planets. Also Aimsey! Flosium is such a cool name btw. And they are plant people that use photosynthesis to eat! I love scientific worldbuilding. Ranboo being an apprentice covered in gold to really mark his status. I wonder how he got into that position.

Lastly, the negotiating. Swear counter: 4 (5 if you count damn). Wilbur is so full of spite and I’m here for it. More Phil playing with his food. He has decided Wilbur is the most interesting. Mostly because he’s the one they are actually negotiating with and everyone knows it. Probably because being a bastard makes him interesting. Bonus points for so clearly loving his younger brother despite him being incompetent. Maybe Phil has picked up on the fact that Wilbur would be a better King. Also, commenting about how Wilbur has been trained well (like he’s a dog), has me thinking that Phil might be trying to figure out what will make him snap. Since calling him a bastard and laughing in his face isn’t enough. Neither is calling him a child or inexperienced.

Anyway, I was gonna write a short ask, yet here we are. My apologies. Also sorry in advance if I spelled any of them names wrong. I never read names correctly and trying to spell them has proved that once again.

-🌲

yeahhh the themisians really fucked up on that front lmaooo

eret wasn't a parent to either of the boys but they were forced to kind of take the role as one for the two of them. it wasn't the same, but wilbur and tommy needed some guiding force in their lives that wasn't just servants taking care of them, so eret ended up becoming that kind of mentor figure to them both. but then of course the desire for power combined with a lack of faith in tommy's ability won out in the end, hence the betrayal. really hits harder when you remember how long eret has known the two of them for

i love writing jack manifold's dialogue so much it's literally so stupidly fun

originally I was going to have aimsey take vitamin D pills to supplement sunlight and then i was like wait I can just make them photosynthesize lmao so all they need to eat is a little lamp in their pocket :) idk why I decided to make aimsey a flower person I just thought it fit their vibes

honestly I don't count damn as a swear but we'll include it for the swear counter so hooray!

you don't need to apologize spruce anon i love your long asks it makes me very happy to see :D

[onlyfortheplot]

But... He died!

this really happened irl.I just finished reading in another life a day ago and I am still sensitive whenever IAL flashes in my mind and idk why the other day while eating a banana i suddenly remember IAL and it made me tear up ; Z ; so can I request a hcs of bois (ur choice) suddenly comforting their s/o because out of the blue they started to sobs while eating somethin' and when asked they answered because they read a vv sad story and still affected by it? tHANK YOU SO MUCH IF U WILL NOTICE DIS- Anon

Pairing: Bokuto x Reader, Tsukishima x Reader

Warnings: Slight language, Assassination Classroom spoilers, The Fault in Our Stars spoilers

A/N: I feel like I’m bad at asks because I go off topic?? But, I loved writing this, anon, please marry me, it was SUCH AN AMAZING ask! LIKE HOW CAN I NOT NOTICE THIS!! Also I never actually ready In Another Life. I don’t plan to??? Like I’m scared of reading it! But, I can tell you the Bokuto x Reader part is from personal experience because I am 𝔀𝓮𝓪𝓴. Anyway I hope you Enjoy. Asks are OPEN.

You had been warned, way before you had decided to watch Assassination Classroom, that you were going to cry at one point, but you didn’t care what’s life without a broken heart?

So, during a long weekend, you built yourself a small fort, snuggling into the covers and started watching

You were emotionally wrecked by the end of it, especially in the last episode. Tears streamed down your face as you watched Koro Sensei turn into small, elegant lights

You stayed in your small bed fort, ignoring every call or text that was sent your way. How could he die. He was such an amazing character.

You thought, stupidly, you would be fine once school started again, too busy on homework and tests to remember the yellow octopus

Oh how wrong you were.

The first incident happened when someone brought up eating octopuses, during lunch, a tear dropped down your cheek as an image of Koro-Sensei flooded your mind.

The second incident happened when someone had mentioned the end of their favorite anime. You sobbed at the thought of not seeing any of the characters anymore.

The third, and final, incident happened in front of your own boyfriend, something you should have thought of twice before doing.

You had walked into the gym, after school. Searching for your boyfriend. Your eyes were red and puffy from the numerous amounts of breakdowns that had occurred.

Your lips wobbled at the thought.  RIP Koro-Sensei

You kept your head down, as you walked into the gym, obviously sad.

It had taken a few minutes for Bokuto, and the rest of the team, to even realize that you had even arrived.

They had quickly surrounded you, encasing you in a small circle as the looked at you. Their eyes widened as you looked up at them tears forming in your eyes.

“Y/N-chan?” Konoha asked, placing a hand on your shoulder, inquiring eyes pierced you as you looked away

“Y/N, baby, what’s wrong” Bokuto asked, bending down slightly as he scooped you into a hug.

“Bokuto” your lips quivered as you clutched his back, pressing your face into the crook of his neck, the slight smell of sweat and mint lingered.

“Bokuto.” you sobbed, tears pooling in his neck, the team lept back in surprise as you had a whole breakdown in front of them

They scattered around, shouting to each other to help you.

“Get her some water.” “Oi, give her your jacket” “Do you want to buy some ice cream? ”

“Y/N, what’s wrong”Bokuto asked, voice slightly muffled, 

“Koro-Sensei is dead” you shouted, as the entirety of the gym froze giving you an odd look.

“Who?” Bokuto leaned back from you tilting his head in confusion, “Koro-sensei.”

You let out another sob, giving a frantic nod. 

“He’s dead!” you cried out, fingers digging into his back. Bokuto felt tears forming in his eyes as he watched you bawl.

“He’s dead!”he whispered, before turning around to his teammates, who gave them an odd look, “Guys, he’s dead!” 

He brought you in, sobbing into your hair as you sobbed into his chest.

“He’s dead.” you simultaneously bawled

The team looked at you both, deadpan and slightly disappointed.

“Petition to get a new Captain.” The vote was unanimous. 

He warned, quite a few times, to not read The Fault in our Stars. He told you, so many goddamn times, you would cry.

And cry you did. Reading the book, just to piss him off. Nobody gonna tell me what to do

Tears had formed, blurring your vision as you closed the book. You bit your lip to stop the heart-wrenching sob that threatened to come out.

You never expected that. Not that. 

The only thoughts in your mind was the death of Augustus Waters. He was dead.

Your lips were forced apart, as the trembling increased, taking in a deep breath before you let out a sob.

It was loud and forceful, rasping your throat as more continued to come

Drops of tears fell, promptly on your book. You were sure Kei was going to kill you for even letting anything happen to his book, but you were too heart-broken to care.

You took a deep breath as you chucked the book onto your head, watching as it landed with a small plop

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. She didn’t know who she was mad at. But, you were mad. Mad at him for dying. Mad at yourself for reading it. And mad at Kei for letting you read it.

You gritted her teeth, tears falling loosely, as you swiped your phone from the near table, quickly unlocking it

A few text messages from friends and two from Kei. You scowled.

You went into his contacts and blocked him, proud of yourself for giving him some his own medicine.

You turned out the nights, closing your shutters, as you snuggled into bed, ignoring the very tiny rip in your heart from the book. You stupid person

He spammed you through friends, making them send his own stupid collection of reaction memes. Tell me this boy doesn’t have rude reacts on his phone You gritted your teeth, as you turned your notifications off, shoving your phone back in your pocket

“And he got sick” you whirled around, hearing part of a conversation. Your heart raced as you stared. They looked at you, weirded out. You blushed, mumbling a small apology as you walked away. Oh god what was that. That’s heartbreak. That’s the tweet.

You found yourself more attentive as you walked down the hallways of Karasuno High. For two reasons.

One to stay away from your boyfriend, who you caught waiting for you by your locker

And second, well, you felt yourself on the verge of tears, every second of the day. 

To the point where you almost bawled in the middle of your science class.

“Class, today we’ll be talking about the mutation of cells.” You felt your breath hitch at that. 

“Can anyone tell me the name—” A hand stretched out, as someone blurted the answer, “Cancer.” The teacher furrowed her eyebrows, mocking an angry look.

“Correct, but wait for me you pick on you first.” The class laughed, as the student eyed the teacher sheepishly. That student was not me. No wrong Mushroom.

But you. You couldn’t care less about that student. Your ears were blurry as you bent over your desk. 

Cancer that’s what he died by. You choked on your sob as it caught in your throat. Earning her, some odd glances from the people around her.

Shit. Tears were so close to pouring out. It do be like that sometimes

You raised you hand, surprising the class and the teacher

“May I please use the restroom” you croaked out, standing up and motioning to leave the classroom before anyone could stop you. 

You walked, almost running, away from the classroom, trying very hard to hide the sobs that you wanted to release.

“Y/N.” a gruff voice made you stop in your tracks as blonde hair peeked into your sight

“Tsukki?” you questioned, your voice cracked as you looked at him. He was panting, slightly, as he glared at you. But, you could see the anxiousness in his eyes.

“Y/N, what the—”

“Kei,” you sobbed, throwing your arms over his neck, “Kei.”

He backed away, surprised at first, but soon rested his hands on your waist pulling you towards him.

“I hate you.” you hissed, tears pouring down your cheeks as you looked up at him, “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate—”

He slammed a kiss onto your mouth, eager to shut you up I wanna be shut up now

“You read the book didn’t you.” he smirked, as you glared at him in all your anger

“I told you—”

“Shut up you useless excuse of a dinosaur.” you snapped, burrowing your face into his chest.

He smiled, stroking your hair as you sobbed into his chest, murmuring small phrases as you blabbered to him

“Ms. Y/N may I ask what you and Mr. Tsukishima are doing in the hallway?” Oh good Lord, you were screwed.

[drwcn]

Not to bring up the distasteful teenager memory of Twilight LMAO, but yall remember that part of the story where it is revealed after Rosalie turns into a vampire she goes and devours every single one of the men who r*ped her.

Fierce Corpse!Qin Su coming for Jin Guangshan’s life.

JIGGY was always looking for ways to make a fierce corpse wasn’t he? Well consider this.

Madam Qin confronts JGY, but it was already too late. Qin Su was already pregnant. JGY, being the dumbest smart person, realized he has fucked up, but what to do? It’s not like he can tell Madam Qin he knocked up his own sister accidentally. Unknowing of this, Madam Qin then went to Qin Su to tell her the truth. Surely even if that degenerate won’t stop this marriage, once Qin Su finds out they are related, she wouldn’t go through with it.

Well, little did Madam Qin expect, once Qin Su finds out, she’s so overcome with disgust she takes her own life (canon compliant, I think? idk what that episode was about to be honest. I always assumed Jiggy drugged her to keep her quiet, but Qin Su was the one to take her own life. Jin Rusong is at best a ball of cells at this stage and abortion is a staple trope of cdrama don’t @ me. I take no criticisms.)

Well shit, now Qin Su is half a step away from death. Jiggy discovers this first, and is like O.O oh feck, but also... opportunity????  He recruits evil gremlin extraordinaire Xue Yang, and beginner’s luck takes them to a successful resurrection.

*cue Mary Shelly shaking her head from beyond the grave or... in the future....technically.*

Qin Su is rightfully like wtf JGY, but Jiggy is like aight sis i know you’re mad, but hey now that everyone knows what’s the deal here, I think we have a common enemy: Jin Guangslut. Should we kill him or should we kill him?

Xue Yang: yo so .... you still gonna get married or what?

Qin Su: if you even think about getting married i swear to god -

JGY: ....okay, how about “fake” marry. Once dear old Dad is dead, we can...idk have an amicable separation. I can even set you up on a date with a guy I know in the fierce corpse community. His sister is still in my basement come to think of it -

QS: what

JGY: what

QS: you are a fucking nutjob, Jiggy, you know that? I can’t believe I was attracted to you.

JGY: first of all that’s hurtful, but... hey at least you didn’t insult my mother.

QS: why would i? our mothers are innocent. *deep sigh* okay fine, how should we kill JGS, I vote for castration. Also *points to the black veins on her paste-y complexion* this is gonna be a problem.

XY: *quirk an eye brow* realllly starting to see the family resemblance now. Don’t worry I got make up to cover that up. Also gotta find you some blush, so you don’t look so ... undead.

~

JGY “so we get prostitutes -”

QS “No. Jiggy, I’m sensing some internalized classism. Let’s just sic Xue Yang on him and be done with it.”

JGY “....you were less bossy before.”

QS “I was also less dead before. Also, Xue Yang doesn’t mind, do you dear?”

XY *eating the candied pastries QS got him* “Nah, not at all, jiejie. I can wear a dress and get dolled up if you want, but I want silk and the dress needs to be tailored. Bespoke. *points to his plate* These are great. Do you have more?”

JGY: *facepalm* what have done.

QS: created a fierce corpse you can’t control. Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it brother?

~

QS “I feel bad for Chifeng-zun. If I had to sit and watch you and Lan Xichen make eyes at each other over the guqin day in and day out....”

JGY “Oi, you’re not even my real wife.”

QS “Doesn’t mean I can’t nag you. Also, you have an issue, you know. You can’t just murder your way to the top.”

JGY “I wasn’t -”

QS “Save it. If you give Xue Yang enough candy, he’ll tell you anything.”

JGY “NMJ is a problem. He disrespects -”

QS “You think maybe the reason he thinks you’re a untrustworthy little shit is because you are...an untrustworthy little shit? Also he’s always violent and aggressive towards you...yeah ‘cause you’ve been playing Terrible Temper Tango on repeat for weeks.”

JGY “.....................” *well sis does have a point, maybe i should re-evaluate my strategy “Then what do you suggest I do?”

QS:  I believe Xue Yang calls it “when it doubt, fuck it out.” 

JGY: ...............................you two need to stop hanging out together. 

~

Jin Guangyao and Qin Su spend many nights in the secret chamber plotting together. Apparently the Jin crazy can both be inherited and developed. Qin Su decides her second life is rather nice, and having power is nice too, but she’d rather have some friends. 

*Jiggy and Qin Su’s Ten Step Plan to Un-Fuck the Cultivation World*

Aka Jiggy’s illegal but necessary emergency U-Turn. 

Step 1: Start playing some nice music ffs, and maybe when NMJ is in a better mood, the venerated Triad can be the venerated Triad. ;) 

Step 2: start treating MXY better. He could be useful as a loyal brother. 

Step 3:  Sic him on Nie Huaisang. They seem like they could do well together. Also, the easiest way to get through to NMJ is through his little brother.  

Step 4:  Make Jin Guangshan disappear.

Step 5: Speaking of little brothers, they’re gonna have to eventually deal with Lan Wangji. Even Qin Su’s 78 year old grandma with cataract can see he’s just a liiiiittle hung up on Wei Wuxian, who is unfortunately....dead. 

”How do you suppose we fix this particular problem?” 

”Isn’t there some cultivator prisoner found guilty punishable by death in your single minded cleansing of your political enemies?” 

"Of course. Go on I’m listening, mei-mei.” 

”So while you were off being shady, I did some research. There is a spell. I think a potential trade off could be made if we bargain right. Their soul, which was forfeit anyway, in exchange for a lifetime of protection and financial stability for their families.” 

“>:) dear sister, where have you been all my life I’ll never know.” 

Qin Sun, “Just make sure they’re not too hard on the eye. Lan Wangji doesn’t seem to be the shallow type but one never knows.” 

Step 5: Jiang Wanyin needs an emotional laxative like... last year. Look into resurrecting Jiang Yanli. Once she’s alive, all that Yunmeng Bullshit will resolve, and you will also have a Lotus Pier forever grateful for Jin Guangyao and Qin Su’s kindness. If that doesn’t work...idk get Jiang Wanyin a dog. 

“Okay, hooow are you going to get a woman to give up her soul to -”

“Can we fierce corpse her? Wei Wuxian had a bunch of undead ladies hanging around right?” 

“........worth looking into.” 

Step 6:  Jin Zixuan. Yikes -

JGY “I didn’t kill Jin Zixuan. Wei Wuxian did.” (note: CQL washed WWX of any responsibility for the deaths of others by making it so that the Song of Turmoil caused him to lose control. This, in fact, is not what is written in book canon. WWX did lose control by himself without external influence. I can cherry pick the plot points I want to keep.) 

QS “..........but you sent him to his death.” 

JGY “..........”

QS *Deep sigh* “Who can we throw under the bus this time for Jin Zixuan’s death, Jigs? Someone that won’t be missed...got it. Su She.” 

JGY “He’s loyal to me, he’s an ally -” 

QS “Listen here, once you resurrect Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian, you will have the eternal gratitude of Yunmeng Jiang and Gusu Lan. Who gives a shit about Su Minshan that simpering turd.” 

JGY: True. *he’s understood by now that he could get rid of those who would talk shit, belittle, and disrespect him...but he could always do more with a couple of important influential people who would spread words of his goodness. Stubborn righteous cultivators like the Jiangs, Nies and Lans.* “Also Jin Zixuan’ll be an undead, not able to inherit. We’re safe.” 

QS: “Exactly.” 

Xue Yang: eating candy......... *eye roll* 

Step 7: Because Step 6 didn’t work out, forget about Jin Zixuan. 

JGY: “you know... maybe Jin Zixuan moved on.” 

QS: “Would explain why we couldn’t call his soul back the way we called back Jiang-gu’niang.” Qin Su glances back at Jiang Yanli’s soul-infused clay body in the process of being reanimated (lifted this idea straight from Inuyasha - ahem- kikyo.) “It’s probably better this way. I don’t like the thought of sharing the control of Lanling Jin with more people.” 

JGY:  “Ah, blood of my blood you are indeed.”

Step 8:  Reveal Jin Guangshan’s evil deeds. Once they kill Dear Ol’ Dad, they can just blame EVERYTHING on him and have him be the disgrace of the entire cultivation world, and them the unfortunate children left to do his bidding and trying the best they could to salvage what they can from his trail of ruins.

Step 9: Reunite Wen Ning and Wen Qing. Lie. Blame it all on Jin Guangshan who is too dead to argue in his own defense. If Jiang Wanyin finds out about Wen Qing...well, information gets around. 

JGY “So about that Date.” 

Qin Su: “Yes I distinctively remember you promising me eligible young men of the Fierce Corpse Community.” 

JGY: >:) I’m here to make good on my words. 

Step 10: Reap the benefits of a world restored. 

[loxxxlay]

Can we get the rest of the ball destroying story?

This is a very long and probably anticlimactic story about how I destroyed an attorney's metaphorical balls by not letting him get away with being a toxic pile of shit. I hope you enjoy.

So, the first thing you need to know is that my old boss (whom I will call M) is a real fucking asshole. 1, he voted for trump; 2, he's a creep; 3, most obnoxiously, he treated his previous lead paralegal like a freaking wife.... or actually worse than a wife really... like an object. like a trophy wife. When the lead paralegal left, he basically treated her like she was divorcing him, as if she was an object of his possession. And he was like "you'll NEVER have it better than you have here, and i'll never let you come back." (Funny story: i am one of 5 paralegals there who put in their 2 week notice during June, and they were so panicked that they called this exact former lead paralegal and asked her to come back. -_-)

Okay so anyway, let's cut the story back to about 2 months ago. I have been M's lead paralegal for about 8 months now since the previous one left, and I'm hating it. I'm actively job hunting because M is becoming toxic to me the same way he was to the last paralegal. I needed references, so I asked another attorney who also worked there to be my reference. We will call him T. So T is my favorite attorney. T is the first person I came out to as having a girlfriend at the firm, and he never once betrayed me. He is everything that M is not. He gives positive feedback like he gives out candy, but he's also honest and real in a way that not a lot of ppl are.

So anyway I secretly ask him to be a reference on my resume, and T is like "sure! but well funnily enough, I'm actually leaving the firm in 2 weeks. I can't ethically recruit people while I'm here, so I'm going to end this conversation here, but.... wink wink, nudge nudge, call me in 2 weeks." So I'm like COOL COOL. And we don't speak of it again.

So 2 weeks pass, I continue job hunting, T leaves the firm. He calls me literally the next day, and he immediately is like "I wanna hire you" and I'm like "okay cool, I wanna be hired." So boom I got a new job. Ethically. (I'm serious though, T is a very ethical guy and he did nothing wrong.) So anyway, T is okay with me waiting until my NYU program in June is over, so my start date is July 1. 1 month from then. T also asks me very politely not to tell M where I'm going because it would sour their "friendship" (a.k.a. the attorney world in utah is a small world and he doesn't want M to get his feelings hurt). And I want to be clear, T did not pressure me at all - he asked for a favor, and I decided to do it for him, because I care about him, that's it. If at any point it became a burden for me, I would have changed my mind, and T would have understood.

So, I wait a week until I'm in New York to tell M i'm leaving him. I come up with a brilliant excuse for why I don't want to tell him where I'm going - "I have a few offers and I don't want to talk about it while I'm still deciding" (which wasn't even really a lie). So I call my boss and I tell him I'm putting in my two weeks. And he treats me like he always treats people - he interrogates me. Except this time, he's shocked and upset, so he SUPER interrogates me. It's super inappropriate questions like "why are you quitting???" and "is it because of money???" and "this is SUCH bad timing" - but it's frustrating because he's an attorney and he knows how to dress up these rude questions with politeness. In a way that if I call him out on it, I'll be the one who looks inappropriate. :( It sucked. But luckily I had spent 3 days researching how to approach this, and.... I gave him nothing. He was desperate for fuel to try to convince me to stay or guilt-trip me into working overtime, and I just didn't give him any because I was prepared, and also.... I'm good at this. My mom says I've been good at this since I was 3-years-old lol.

Anyway so unfortunately during the conversation, he asked the question "Where are you going?" and I immediately gave him my excuse. And I expected that to be done and over with. Idk why I thought it'd be that easy... He immediately started trying to guess where I was going. And at what point, he said "are you going to work for T????" and..... honestly guys... I panicked. I lied. I said, "uh, no." flat out lmao. Like, I was just so shocked that he was asking me in the first place. :( But weirdly, he believed me and that was that (or maybe he filed away the lie for later use as you'll see). I also want to make it clear here that I, at first, wasn't telling M where I was going because T had asked me to... but at this point, with how nosy and inappropriate M was asking, I didn't want to tell M anymore either. It wasn't for T that I was hiding it; it was for me. Like, no M, I don't want you to have any personal details. You're being 150% more of a creep than usual which is impressive considering.

Anyway so I never tell anyone where I'm going except 2 ppl whom I trust on my last day (and yes, one of them betrayed me, which kinda sucks D:). I told T that I had lied to M, and T was like "it's okay, if he finds out, I'll have ur back" and also... I told T I go by Echo instead of my legal name/dead name, so I'm fine with the lie because M will probably never find out anyway. and T was delighted and super supportive of my enby identity. ^_^ It's cute because he never called me by name, but now all of his texts and statements deliberately start out with my name as if to remind me that he supports it lol.

Anyway so flash forward to my new day at the job. It's going great. I love it there. And then I check my phone and I see this fucking text:

M: "I hear you work for T now. I wish you the best, but I specifically remember asking you if that's where you would be working, and you said no."

Like.... what the actual fuck? He never texts me, and also I've been gone from his firm for like a day.. max... have some chill, lmfao. like. At first, I was REALLY upset. Not in a "i feel bad for lying" kind of way. I couldn't care less about that. More in a "i feel like i'm being stalked, one of two close friends betrayed me, and also what the fuck, why are you texting me this??" #yikes. But then that night, I was talking to my dad about it. And I became super amused? Like. What is he going for here? What does he want me to say? What response does he hope that I'll give that will make him feel better? Does he want me to call him crying and begging for forgiveness and for my job back? Like? I genuinely sincerely want to know what the fuck he was expecting me to say. I want to understand what was going through his head lol.

And of course, because I am a passive aggressive bitch, I immediately catch on to the fact that he is Butthurt (shocking, I know). His feelings are hurt. An object of his, his very own lead paralegal, lied to him outright and he didn't see it coming! How dare she! He wants to make me feel hurt like he feels hurt, and he's a lawyer, he knows how to interrogate people and manipulate people and get them to suck his dick, idk. So he should be able to use those skills to make me feel bad for lying. He wants to one-up me. But see, what he didn't realize is that....

1, I don't feel guilty for lying to him... at all... like, it took me a couple hours to realize this, but the only negative emotion it made me feel was discomfort and fear. not guilt. the same way i feel when a strange man asks me for a hug, and i feel like refusing would look "rude." Like, there's nothing guilty about that. So yeah. His goal is to expose my guilt to make himself feel better, but... my guilt doesn't exist, so good luck

2, um, like I said earlier, I've been a passive aggressive bitch since the day I was born, unlike this bitch who had to go to college to learn how to do it, and not only that - I'm better at it than him. lmfao. His pride is gonna take a hit.

so I toy with the idea of ignoring him because I know that will really fuck him up and make him constantly think about it and check his texts to see if I've responded. But then T tells me that it's probably better to not burn a bridge because again.... super small world here.

So anyway lol, my response ends up being pretty simple but painstakingly constructed:

"Thank you! :) It wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and I had already talked. I wish you the best as well."

The "Thank you! :)" to seem like I am utterly oblivious to the hidden accusation and passive aggressiveness. The middle sentence to be like "uh, are you really accusing me of lying right now?" and the last sentence, my favorite, to shut down the conversation forever. Now, if he responds, he already lost. Because there's no way to continue this conversation without exposing the fact that his "I wish you the best" was completely insincere. I've stripped away his ability to respond fake-politely (which is his modus operandi), and I've forced the last word on him.

Also, even better... (and no one has any way of proving this, least of all him, but) that statement (the "it wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and i had already talked") is completely a lie on my part, and he knows it. T offered me the job the Monday after he left. There's no way he doesn't know that. So not only did I show obliviousness and not only did I shut the conversation down, I outright stonecold lied a second time. And there's no way for him to call me out on it. Like what could he even do? Send me a screenshot of my hire date? Send me a screenshot of an email I sent to a coworker? If he tries that, he's already lost again because like ... obviously super immature... it would be so easy to crush him with niceness like "Wow, I can tell this has really bothered you!" hahahhaha. Sadly he's smart enough not to do that, but it must be infuriating to know I'm lying and not be able to accuse me.

As an attorney whose literal job it is to catch & expose people lying, he literally watched me flat out lie to his face. Twice. And I didn't feel bad about it. And there was nothing he could do about it either time. He went to law school for this shit, and he still can't out-passive-aggressive me, the classic bitch.

Anyway so T apparently he showed his wife M's message, and she was like "oh my god what an asshole!!!" which I must admit was extremely validating!! And then he showed his wife my message, and she made a shocked face and said "wow she's good." And I always thought T was kinda just flattering me to be nice when he complimented my use of words in defusing angry clients and conveying info about a sensitive subject... but apparently his wife thinks so too, so I guess he's been more serious than I thought. I feel so.... complimented.... it's weird.... but I"m very happy and squeeing.

It's been like almost 24 hours and M has yet to respond to me, and if he does, he's already lost. I'll eviscerate him.

So like I know this story is probably disappointing and might not seem like I shanked his balls, but ... take my word for it because if u knew what a chaotic insecure pathetic mess he was and how he desperately claws for control by trying to intimidate and upset all of his employees (and pretty much always succeeds), then you'd understand that he's NEVER encountered something like this before. Someone literally just not giving a shit what he thinks about them. And from what I know of him, I promise you that this has certainly fucked him up for a good long while. And that makes me happy :')