#anyway glad to be once again filling my role here. i love repeating the same 5 things in 2k words each time

[red-dyed-sarumane]

im so back babey

[krreader]

loving you is a losing game | the aftermath.

pairing: park jimin x sister!reader ; kim taehyung x actress!reader fandom: bts  warnings: actress!reader ; language genre: angst ; fluff word count: 4k+ previous: x

summary: all that jimin ever wanted to do was protect you. this time, however, he failed you and his best friend, taehyung.

a/n: I told y’all I wouldn’t let you wait this time haha. I’m super glad to see all your feedback though, all your messages were wonderful and I love you all <3

Jimin had left that night when you and Taehyung had broken up. He couldn't bear looking into his eyes, knowing that he caused all this hurt to both you and him.

But when he walked back into the apartment the next day, he quietly sat down next to Taehyung for the first time since he found out about you and him and found Taehyung smiling at him.

Despite that, Jimin could tell that it didn't reach his eyes.

Throughout the next weeks, their relationship got better again. Still, he caught Taehyung stare at his phone so often and whenever the message from that special someone didn't come, he put it down and closed his eyes, visibly disappointed and sad. Jimin never mentioned you to him in those weeks, not knowing how to even bring it all up, but Taehyung didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about you anyway.

Simultaneously, Jimin tried calling you multiple times, but was never able to get a hold of you.

It was only when his mother finally called and told him that you had come home that he decided to drive up to Busan in hopes of mending the relationship with you... if that was even possible at thit point.

You weren't there when he arrived though. 

“Where is she?” he asked his mother as soon as he stepped foot inside the house.

“I don’t know... she went out a few hours ago and hasn’t come back since,” his mother fidgeted with the kitchen towel in her hand, “I’m worried, Jimin.”

Jimin knew were you were. 

Where you always were when you were upset and couldn’t stand being at home.

It was only a 10 minute walk to a secluded area at the beach where him and you used to spend all your childhood at. You often knocked heads with the family and whenever you did, you came here to think. The only one that you ever told about this place was Jimin, the only one in the family that you always knew you could lean onto. 

Funny how times had changed.

And indeed, there you were, sitting in the sand, staring out at the beach, not moving a muscle when he sat down next to you.

That’s a good start, right?

Jimin tried to find the right thing to say, but he couldn't. Nothing made sense when it was all his fault, when he was simply too proud to see you and his best friend dating, thinking that it was somehow wrong.

But what was wrong was you and Taehyung feeling this way because of him. He had only seen Taehyung, but he saw how heartbroken he was. He could only imagine what you must feel like, as Taehyung was the one that broke up with you... for Jimin.

“I looked up to you my entire life, you know? Way before you became an idol, even. Every time someone would ask who I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered Park Jimin. People would laugh, but I didn't care, because you were my biggest hero. You were the one person that always made people happy, were always happy to bring smiles into people’s faces and where always there when I needed you. And I was always so proud to call you my brother,” you turned your head to look at him, him looking right back at you with wide eyes, “Now I wish I didn't even know you.”

“You don't mean that,” he said quietly, but his voice broke nonetheless. 

“I guess it doesn't really matter anymore.”

“It does,” Jimin instantly grabbed your hands, “Please, listen to me. Let me explain why..-”

“BigHit was very kind and introduced me to someone from Marvel. They offered me a role in their newest movie,” you interrupted him mid-sentence.

BigHit? Jimin was taken aback at first, but then his blood instantly started to boil, knowing damn well they did that because they wanted you to leave for Jimin and Taehyung to mend their relationship, even if it meant further breaking that of him and you.

They couldn’t care less about your relationship with Jimin.

“I'm leaving next week and if things go well, I might stay. Being a Hollywood actress surely isn't so bad.”

“(Y/N), listen to me,” he shook his head to get BigHit out of his thoughts, “I just want you to..-”

“No, Jimin,” you got up, him instantly doing the same, “I don't think you realize just how much I meant what I said before.”

“But we're family! Stop saying these things, they don't make sense,” Jimin was a very emotional person. He couldn’t hold back his tears when he realized you were slipping out of his grasp fast. You were still staying strong though, “You're my baby sister. The one I'm always supposed to protect, the one that I can't lose...”

You gulped down hard, knowing the impact of what you said next, “You already have.”

You walked away after that, not being able to see the dispair in his eyes, before he slowly crumbled and started sobbing.

And even though you wanted to be cold, when you walked away, a few tears escaped your eyes, knowing that you just lost the love of your life and brother in a matter of weeks. 

But that was ultimately the reason why you had to leave. The loss of such important people, where everything reminded you of both, you wouldn’t be able to function anymore. So you decided that leaving was the best option.

Your mother must have known about this beforehand, because when Jimin walked back into the house, she instantly opened up her arms for him, her son cradling against her chest and crying into it like he was a young boy again.

“It’s going to be okay... she’ll forgive you,” she whispered into his hair, gently rubbing over his back, “Just give her time. Time and space is what she needs most right now.”

He knew that she was right, but not doing anything and just letting you leave was so fucking hard for him. He ended up staying at his parents the entire week, not knowing what to do with himself otherwise.

And it was only when he came home a week later and you had already left for the US, that he looked right into Taehyung’s eyes and knew he had to be the one to tell him that you were gone.

“Hollywood,” he repeated, a small smile spreading on his face. Jimin couldn’t see his eyes, but he assumed that it didn’t reach them, “She always dreamt of that.”

“Yeah... she did,” Jimin gulped down hard and continued to stare at Taehyung, because he could tell that he wouldn’t hold out for much longer.

And indeed, within seconds, he started sobbing, so hard, that Jimin instantly pulled him into his arms and tried to calm his shaking body best friend down.

And once again, all that Jimin could think was: this is all my fault. I destroyed their lives... their future.

In all these months that you were gone, Jimin didn't give up, even if his mother told him that it was no use. He kept trying to text and call, not caring that you never responded. The only way he could see was through promotional photos from set, through interviews and the only way to really know what was going on with you was when his mother told him about it. 

With each and every day you slipped more and more away from him, until one day he realized that he completely lost you, yet Taehyung was right at his side, holding his hand at a concert and smiling at him, showing him that he was still here... because he chose him.

Taehyung chose him over you.

And as Jimin was looking into his best friend’s eyes, filled with tears, Taehyung instantly knew what he was thinking about... or rather who. 

Not wanting ARMY to catch on, Taehyung pulled him into his arms and held onto him firmly.

“It's my fault,” he whispered into his ear, “We lost her... because of me.”

And unfortunately, he was right.

That night, Jimin and Taehyung sat down together on their balcony at home and talked about the entire thing for the first time... ever.

“How did it start?” Jimin asked.

Taehyung was hesitant at first, but then he started pouring his heart out, seemingly happy that he was finally able to share this story with someone, “It was when we had a concert here years ago. She came to watch it and I was having a really bad day. I locked myself in a room and just cried... or at least I thought I locked the door. She walked in on me having that mental breakdown. And you know her... she worried like crazy,” he let out a laugh, “She always worried about me. Right from the start.”

“She got that from our mom,” he said with a small smile.

“She stayed with me that day until I stopped crying, held my hand and told me that things would get better again. And the next day, she texted me this entire paragraph about how good I was doing and how proud she was, not just of me, but of the band. I felt... really bad about her worrying so much over me, so I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me. She agreed, but then we couldn't agree on a restaurant and ended up eating Ramen at the Han. We talked all night long... just talked...”

Jimin listened tentatively, but his eyes became sadder within each second again, especially when he saw how much this still affected Taehyung. The more he talked about you, the more his eyes lit up, but then that flame quickly disappeared again when he realized this was all in the past.

“We did that once a week, then. Just meeting up to talk. We did nothing else for four months. And then one day I looked at her and I realized that I had fallen for her... without me even having noticed it. It just hit me right in the face. Like... wow. I really love that girl, you know?”

“Did you tell her?”

“Couldn't. I felt really bad for even having these feelings. Because... you know,” he looked at Jimin, but he didn't say that it was because of him, “I hid it for months until she called me one night, completely drunk and asked me to pick her up. I did, drove her home, got her into bed and that's when she began crying, poured her heart out and told me that she had fallen in love with me, but hated herself for it, because she knew that loving me would hurt you. And she couldn't hurt you, not when you meant the world to her.”

Great, he thought this couldn't get any worse.

“We put the cards out on the table a week later and realized that we only had two options. End it before it even began or try and keep it a secret so that you wouldn't get affected by it. We picked the second option and promised to not tell you until we warmed you up to the idea. But... that obviously hadn’t worked out.”

Jimin gulped down his drink in one go, swirled it around in his mouth for a moment, then quietly said after a moment: “Why'd you choose me when you loved her so much?”

A question that he had always wondered about.

“I thought it was the right decision.”

“You thought?”

Taehyung looked up at the stars, “You did so much for me in the past... I wouldn’t be here as the person that I am if it hadn’t been for you. So at the time, it made sense. But now that I see my empty future... I see that I fucked up. Because she was my future.”

Jimin didn't reply, just lowered his head in shame.

“I even bought her a ring, you know?” Taehyung laughed, though only to hide the hurt, “But that's on me that I didn't give it to her. I thought I still had time.”

“Maybe you do.”

Taehyung looked at his best friend, the sad smile back on his face, “It’s easier to forgive a brother than it is to forgive someone like me. And I can’t even blame her,” he pulled out the ring from his pocket, a beautiful ring that looked a lot like an engagement ring, but Jimin didn’t ask any further questions, “I’d pick her any day now over everything and everyone. But I don’t have that chance anymore. So all I hope for now is that you and her will be happy again.”

Jimin sighed deeply, “If I could turn back time, I would. I would do things differently, give you my blessing and tell you that I'm happy for you.”

Taehyung just leaned back, still playing with the ring as he continued to look up at the stars, “I know you would.”

You had successfully avoided your family for a while now, always putting your career first and not looking at anything other than. Your parents were often angry, up until you literally flew them out because there was no way you’d step foot into Korea again so soon.

But while you were now one of Hollywood’s upcoming actresses due to your hard work, your oldest brother had found love and was getting married. And well... this one, you couldn't get out of.

“Thanks for coming,” your brother hugged you when you finally arrived at the venue, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” you smiled, “And I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to finally get to meet the lucky woman.”

“Ha, you're just saying that, you'll tell embarrassing stories about me the moment that you meet her.”

You just wiggled your eyebrows, then smiled even brighter when you heard your mother let out a loud squeal and pull you into her arms, your father hugging both of you, not wanting to wait any longer for his daughter to be in his arms.

“Finally, my beautiful daughter,” she leaned back a little, tears in her eyes, making you and your brother chuckle.

“Mom, you're not supposed to cry yet.”

“Ah, stop it,” she hit your brother and then turned him around, “What are you even doing here, you need to get ready. I'll help you. And you? Don't run off, alright? I want to spend some time with my daughter.”

“I won't,” you chuckled and watched them disappear, your father just following them with a chuckle.

And of course, there was one person missing in the mix. Should have known that he’d show up sooner, rather than later.

“You look beautiful,” the voice made you take in a deep breath, then let it out once you were looking at him.

He wasn't the confident man that you once know standing there. He was unsure, nervous, sad, but at the same time, happy to see you.

“Thank you.”

“I wasn't sure whether or not you'd come. If I had known..-”

“Don't be ridiculous, you're his brother too.”

“I wasn't talking about me.”

A second later, Bangtan joined him, Taehyung immediately stopping when he saw you.

After all this time, you thought that you were over it. You thought that if you were to ever see him again, you’d just keep your cool, smile and be graceful about it, but your heart seemed to break all over again.

If it hadn’t been for Jeongguk, you maybe even would have started to cry as all the memories were flooding back in. Especially the ones about the break-up. 

“I saw your movie,” Jeongguk beamed, “You were so cool!”

“Thanks,” you shook your head a little, now focusing on the youngest member so that you didn’t have to look at either Taehyung, nor Jimin anymore, “I should.. probably go inside and say hello to everyone.”

Jimin took a step forward, his hand reaching out, but then he quickly dropped it, just like his shoulders did.

None of them were affected by you, only Jimin and Taehyung. Both of them were left standing there, even though the others followed you inside.

Taehyung was the first to speak: “I shouldn't be here. I'll only make her uncomfortable.”

“No, please. Please, stay.”

It was the desperation in his eyes that made Taehyung nod, ultimately.

Still, he didn't feel like he belonged here anymore. Not when he broke your heart and ruined so much in your family.

And throughout the entire wedding, he couldn't focus on anything but you. And as if you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your head, he often found you turn around to look at him, Taehyung quickly averting his gaze to look somewhere else instead.

On a more positive note, the celebration was beautiful, your brother's wife was glowing and he was the happiest you had ever seen him. Even if you had wanted to leave early... you couldn't. You had missed this, missed him, missed your mother and father, missed the memories all these three brought you.

And if you were being honest... you even missed Jimin. 

A conversation that you had with your mother a while ago came back:

“He visits a lot these days, you know? Jimin, I mean. He always goes up to your room and makes sure that it’s cleaned... just in case you’re coming back anytime soon.”

“I won’t,” you said plainly.

You heard your mother sigh on the other end of the phone, “You know, (Y/N), I will never presume to know what it must have felt like, your brother doing this to you and your partner betraying you like this. But do you want it to be like this for the rest of your life? Do you want to hate Jimin forever?”

“I don’t hate Jimin,” you hadn’t even thought about it, were even surprised when you said it, “I just.. don’t know how to forgive him.”

“You won’t know until you talk to him again, my love. You can ignore him for the next years to come, but you won’t come any closer to forgiving him. So if that is truly what you want... then talk to him.”

And so after you gulped down your champagne and took a deep breath, you walked outside and joined your brother that was standing on his own.

“So, you'll be the next to get married?” Jimin was so surprised when you started to talking to him as he was getting some fresh air outside, but you didn’t look angry. Maybe unsure of how to talk to him, but not hostile.

“What? With whom?” he laughed nervously, “I haven’t had a girlfriend in years.”

“Ah, I'm sure mom has a few girls that she's eyeing. What was that one girl’s name... the daughter of the baker.”

“Please, don't. I still have trauma from that awkward date that she forced on me,” you both snorted and suddenly the atmosphere between you felt like what it once was. And Jimin hated to ruin it, but he had to know: “Are you okay? I mean.. we haven't talked in a long time and I only hear what mom tells me.”

“You know how it is when your career is at its peek. A lot of stress, but a lot of rewards too.”

“I wasn't talking about your career, I was talking about you.”

You pondered over your next words for a moment, then you said: “I had a lot of time to think about everything. About my life,” you began to smile, even if only just a little bit, “I don’t know when I’ll be able to look at you and not feel hurt. But... when I look at you now, I also realize that I’ve missed you. And if my heart tells me that, then I can’t really hate you, right? So I would like to... I don’t know. Talk. A little. Maybe.”

And his entire stance changed instantly. His shoulder slumped, he began taking in a sharp breath of air and he was on the verge of tears.

“No, don't cry,” you shook your head, even let out a little laugh, “I’m just saying that I’d like to try again. You’re my big brother and... mom is right. I don’t want to spend my life trying to hate someone that I still love. Deep down.”

“I'd like that,” he said, pressing his fingers into his eyes when he couldn’t control the tears anymore.

You just smirked.

The wedding was slowly dissolving. The first guests had left hours ago and now it was only the family left, but even those were beginning to say their goodbye’s.

At a table, Bangtan was sitting with your brother, laughing wholeheartedly.

But one person was missing.

You walked back into the room where your brother and his wife had gotten married and found him standing at the altar, staring at it.

It was hard for you to come up with something to say, so you just waited until he finally noticed that you were here.

“Always thought I’d see you in a hall like this with a wedding dress on while you’re walking towards me, you know?” Taehyung said with a sad smile.

“It probably would have been like that if you hadn’t chosen my brother that night,” you approached him, to Taehyung’s surprise.

“Yeah, I don’t think he looks as pretty as you would in a wedding dress.”

This caught you off-guard. So much, that you actually began to laugh.

He always knew how to break the ice.

“Did you know that he used to wear mom’s dresses and play teaparty with me when we were kids? I thought he looked really pretty.”

“That’s very valuable information that I will bring up at the right time, thank you very much.”

Given your uncomfortable and awkward hello earlier, he hadn’t expected you to talk so casually with each other, but... maybe time healed some wounds.

Taehyung wanted to take a step forward to be closer to you, but he wasn’t sure if you were okay with that, so he just stayed right there.

“I regret it every single moment of my life, you know? Every waking moment I think of you and hate myself for what I did to you. For what I did to us.”

You didn’t reply, just gulped down the clump in your throat.

“If only I had made the right choice that day... if only I had tried to convince Jimin that I was good for you and that you would be safe with me... then maybe it would have been us standing here today.”

In regards to Taehyung, you also had a lot of time to think. Whereas you always just felt hurt in the beginning, you tried to put yourself in his shoes eventually.

What if it had been Taehyung’s sister that objected so much to your relationship that you knew it was either her, your best friend, or Taehyung? Would you have picked him and thrown away a year-long friendship?

Would you have picked him over the girl that knew your deepest and darkest secrets? That walked through hell and back for you? That loved you unconditionally and would forever, no matter what?

The answer to this question was the reason that you were the one to take a step towards Taehyung.

“But it is you and me standing here today.”

His breathing got uneven, even more so when you took another step towards him.

“How can I fix this, (Y/N)?” he whispered, “I’ll do anything... I swear, anything.”

You reached out until your hand cupped his cheek, your thumb brushing over the softness of his skin, “I don’t know how long it would take...”

Taehyung wrapped his hand around your wrist, making sure that you didn’t pull back.

“You have my life, (Y/N). I don’t care how long it takes, I will do anything to convince you that I’m not making the same mistake twice.”

It wouldn’t be easy, forgiving him, nor Jimin was something that you could do in a matter of minutes. But you wanted to try, so that your heart could finally get rid of all the hurt and hate.

So you wrapped your arms around him and hugged him, breathing in the scent that instantly brought back memories, but this time, all the good ones.

And so you smiled, Taehyung pulling you closer and burying his face into your neck.

“I’m so sorry, beautiful.”

And while the two of you were standing at the altar, hugging, Jimin was standing in the entryway with a smile and let out a happy sigh.

“Please be happy together... because I love you both so much.”

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Crimson Ties (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 2

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village

Rating: T for language and mild medical drama

Warnings: Typical Vampire shenanigans

Genre: Hurt + comfort

Summary: Bela is somewhat unprepared to deal with a soulmate who has no clue about her condition, her family, or any of the village's secrets. Thankfully, her sister Cassandra is more than willing to be a bad example. Also there's some fluff.

Notes: For reference, each of my soulmate stories take place in their own contained timeline, since they each involve different types of soulmates. So in this one, Cass doesn't currently have a soulmate.

Previous Chapters: 1: Stem the Flow

2: Tangled Strands

A gentle humming fills the space around you, as fingers slowly run through your hair. As far as you can tell you had fallen back asleep, for several hours, and you were just now waking back up. No longer holding you down, your soulmate is curled up next to you. There’s still a needle in your arm, much to your irritation, but now you can finally see what it’s connected to: An IV for a transfusion. Explains why I’m feeling so much better than before, you think. Then you’re turning your head to the other side, eager to finally get a good look at your soulmate. Instantly you’re blushing, tongue tying itself into a knot, because wow are you lucky.

“Feeling any better?” She asked, as soon as your gaze met hers. You try to stutter out a confirmation, but you’re too distracted by the soft curve of her smile to speak, and barely even manage a nod. That beautiful smile grows wider in response. “Good. I couldn’t stand the thought of you suffering more, after what you’ve already been through.” Now her smile fades, and she looks away for a few moments. Watching it makes your heart ache. So you swallow the lump in your throat, willing yourself to relax, before trying a little comforting of your own.

“I am safe now, am I not? Moreso, we have too much to talk about for us to dwell on the ill circumstances of our introduction. Let us cherish this time, in respite, with our hearts open wide to one another,” you said, donning your softest smile. Somehow your words fulfill their purpose, and your soulmate is once again grinning. Slowly she leans forward to rest her forehead against yours. Then she’s speaking, voice as smooth as the sheets you lay on.

“You are right, of course. I simply wish I could have saved you sooner,” she replied, tone betraying the sadness that her expression otherwise hid. Before you can protest, she continues talking, and you soon forget all about your qualms. “To think I don’t even know your name yet… nor you mine, I suppose. Let’s remedy that, yes? I am Bela Dimitrescu.” Something about her last name feels familiar to you, but not to the point of clear recognition. Instead of inquiring, you return her favor, giving her your own name. She repeats it back a few times, letting the syllables roll off her tongue, and you feel your heart skip a few beats. “A lovely name for a lovely soul, perfectly paired.”

A pause, followed by Bela reaching out to examine your IV. Following her gaze, you turn to the metal hook adjacent to the bed, where a blood bag hangs. Only a few drops remain inside. Just as when you first awoke, Bela gives a soft hum, then rises into a sitting position. Your first instinct is to copy the motion, and you’re relieved when (this time) she doesn’t push you back down. Both of you quietly inch your hands closer until they’re laid on top of each other.

“I wish I knew more about medicine, but unfortunately my family is more experienced in the creation of wounds than the treatment of them,” Bela said, scowling. Confused, you tilt your head at a slight angle, watching her with interest. Am I supposed to know who she’s referring to? My memories of the past couple days are still hazy, you think. “Do… do you remember how you ended up in the dungeon? I know you wanted to speak of happier things, and we can, soon. It’s just… Knowing how you arrived here may help me deal with the consequences of freeing you. Mother will be dreadfully upset that I’ve interrupted a draining, even if we are soulmates.”

“Wait, are you saying…? The intimidating giantess who strung me up and attempted to bleed me dry… is your mother?” You asked, jaw nearly dropping to the floor. This was an unexpected development, for sure.

“You didn’t know?” Bela replied, eyes going wide for a moment. Clearly she wouldn’t have said anything if she realized you weren’t already aware. Suddenly the tension in the room is palpable, with an uncomfortable silence overtaking the two of you. In the moment, you cannot even bring yourself to look at Bela, too stunned by this new knowledge. Eventually she breaks the silence, voice sounding unsure for once. “I realize that this is a lot to take in, if you need time to process it, I… I can go. But you need to understand that our situation is far more complicated than it might appear. We cannot survive without the blood of others- it is what sustains us when nothing else can.”

Now you’re staring at her like she’s crazy, and she’s standing up, moving to the other side of the room. She draws back a curtain, gazing out into the snow covered hills. Every muscle in your body is urging you to run while she’s distracted. Thread of fate be damned, this went far beyond anything you had ever imagined having to deal with. You come so close to ripping the IV right out of your arm. But a gentle tug on your soul string makes you pause, remembering all the times this bond gave you hope in dark times. Had she felt the same way, all these years? What had she gone through, in this absurd castle, on the very edges of civilization? You pull on the red thread, feeling a wave of composure wash over you.

“It appears there is much I need to learn. But is that not the very nature of our connection? We know, simply, that we are bound to each other, though we know not what shapes our souls take so that we might put them together, nor even what roles we must play. I cannot say that I understand your plight, my dear, but I will try, as is my obligation, and my honor,” you said, wishing you could hold her, and cursing your IV. As soon as the first word leaves your mouth, Bela is turning around, watching you with a bittersweet expression. Once you’re done she’s moving closer, as if reading your mind, extending a hand to cup your cheek. Then she leans forward to press a brief kiss to your forehead. “Oh, how I have longed for this- to be with you, to get to know you.”

“As did I,” she murmured. You can’t help but lean into her touch, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment. “Perhaps I should introduce you to my family? I imagine you’ll be needing breakfast anyway, and bringing human food back to my quarters would raise more suspicion than I’d like.” Well, the moment couldn’t last forever, could it?

“Only if you promise that your mother won’t suspend me by my wrists again. Or by any other part of me. Shall we simply put suspension off the table altogether?” You asked, half teasing. To be entirely honest, you were equally worried about Bela’s sisters. Well, the people you had heard other prisoners whispering about, who were the daughters of the giantess, and by connecting a few dots were also, presumably, Bela’s sisters. Apparently they preferred to play with their food. Unless, of course, Bela was one of the daughters you had heard about, and would have easily torn into you if not for your connection. Let’s not dwell on that concept, you think, glad to be distracted by your soulmate.

“I will not let anyone harm you anymore, my beloved. My mother would not stand so firmly in the way of my happiness,” Bela reassured, though you detected a hint of uncertainty in her tone. Still, there wasn’t much you could do other than trust her. “Now, let me take care of your bandages, then we’ll head downstairs…”

---------------------------------

“Who the fuck is this?” An unfamiliar voice asked, as you meandered down the corridor, arm around Bela for support. As soon as she hears the person speak, your soulmate is freezing in place, casting a worried glance over her shoulder. When you turn as well, you spot someone dressed almost identically to Bela. However, the woman wears a yellow pendant, as opposed to a red one, and her hair is a dark brown. It feels safe to assume that she’s one of the sisters you’ve heard about. Which understandably makes you nervous, to the point where you almost want to hide behind Bela. Instead, you stand tall, attempting to seem unfazed by either her presence or her vulgarity.

“Mind your manners, Cassandra,” Bela hissed, taking more of an aggressive stance than you had anticipated. “This, dear sister, is my soulmate. And if you even think about harming them, or getting in our way, I will tear you apart.” While you’re downright shocked at the intensity of Bela’s statement, her sister doesn’t look at all impressed, and eyes you with minimal interest. Better than looking at you with hatred, right? Apparently not, as Bela moves to stand between the two of you, eyes narrowed. There’s a clear stiffness in her posture that leaves you anxious. Cassandra seems to notice it as well, and laughs, before taking a few steps in your direction. Then your soulmate mimics the movement, forcing you to do so as well.

“They’re human,” Cassandra snapped, pausing to sniff the air and scowl. “Here I thought your soulmate would have to be special, if they’re to compare to your ego. You’re disappointed, aren’t you? Having to settle for this.” With that she shifts, flesh writhing, making your stomach churn as you watch her disintegrate into a cloud of… flies? What the hell is wrong with this family? Can Bela do that too? I hope not, you think. Soon you’re pulled from your thoughts, however, as the swarm circles around you, single insects occasionally surging forward to cut at your skin. But Bela is grabbing you by the sleeve and tugging you to her chest, moving against a wall so that her body shielded your own. Your eyes clamp shut as you shake in her arms. When the buzzing stops, it is quickly replaced with cruel laughter. “That fragile, hmm? I can’t wait to see what mother thinks. See you at breakfast, sister!”

Then the two of you are alone, still pressed against the wall, staying still until the sound of footsteps fade. You’re stunned, unsure of how to react. The fact that a few drops of blood roll down your cheek only makes things worse. Still, Bela managed to prevent you from getting too hurt, and the few wounds on your body are negligible. Ever filled with gratitude, you hold her close as you try to stutter out a few sentences.

“Is she always this hostile, or am I truly not what you had expected? No, pay me no mind, it hardly matters. Thank you for protecting me,” you whispered. In response, Bela gives you a little squeeze, then pulls back enough to wipe the blood from your face. There’s a hint of something odd in her expression, which you interpret to be related to her apparent ‘need for blood’. Thankfully, she is in perfect control, and does not frenzy the same way you had read about fictional vampires doing. But she does hesitate, words dying on her tongue, like there are a thousand things she wants to say, and no words to say them with. “It’s alright, my dear. Let’s just go to breakfast, like we planned, and hope your sister behaves better when supervised.”

Bela nods, quickly, before taking your hand in her own. Whatever awaited you in the dining room, the two of you would be ready. Hopefully.

[kim-ruzek]

she drew in her first breath out of what love meant

Summary: But when she stood, Kim felt a flood of water and her eyes widened, as she quickly realised what had happened. That the pain wasn’t just back pain, that the Braxton Hicks was actually contractions. Having get so caught up in the possibility that her baby will be a bit late, Kim just accepted that this was fake labour signs.

Kim and Adam's daughter makes a slightly unexpected appearance. Set in an au of s7, where Kim never miscarried rice grain.

Warnings: Childbirth.

Word Count: 1.4k

Read on AO3

Notes: Yesterday, I became an aunt again to the most beautiful niece in the world (seriously, everyone. She is adorable. No, I am not biased, I am just being objective and stating the truth). And so, I'm fully in my baby feels, and what better way to celebrate her appearance with a burzek fix-it fic.

So this is her welcome to the world fic. Her brothers got artwork, but she's getting a more mentally stable aunt so I think she wins. And in a way, I'm happy it isn't the crack fic I'm going to write 🌸🌸🌸

Enjoy!

Everyone said that it’s not often you get pregnant on birth control.

Everyone said it’s not often exes can be friends.

Everyone said it’s not often you can be comfortable co parenting and sharing a home with said ex.

Kim has been greeted with surprise and almost pandering tut tuts when she explained about her and Adam all through this pregnancy. She had almost came to expect it. Which is why, when the doctor said that it probably won’t do anything, and that only a few women actually ever have their water break naturally, and that women tend to have their first baby late, Kim really should’ve expected that she’d be one of the exceptions.

They had gone to the doctor early that morning. Kim is edging closer and closer to her due date, Alice being more and more active inside her. The doctor wasn’t too concerned with thinking that she’ll go into labour soon, repeating that first babies tend to take their time. Kim was fine with this. She’s uncomfortable, yes, big and feeling very much like she’s going to explode. But as the due date drew closer, she was becoming more and more emotional at the thought that her daughter wouldn’t be inside her, that she couldn’t protect her like that anymore.

On the way home, they stopped to grab—extra—breakfast, Kim being hungry again and Adam can always eat. Alice was making herself known, kicking and turning, Adam resting his hand on her belly whenever they were stopped in traffic, a smile on his face.

Kim was beginning to think that maybe people were right about one thing, that maybe they won’t be able to co parent. Not platonically, anyway. His smile twisted something in her and all she wanted to do was stroke her fingers across his jaw.

She settled for just entwining her hand with his.

The pregnancy, seeing their daughter grow inside her, preparing for her arrival, it has brought them closer. Especially when the hormones hit. There has been moments when the air between them is filled with that tension, the love between them palatable. But they’re not crossing that line.

In a very unlike them sort of way, they had the conversation about it. Both agreeing that they can see them doing this, having a relationship, being a couple raising their baby. But communication and keeping together has never been there strong point, Alice being why they’ve only just started to be successful in that way. And mixing up a baby in their problems, it’s not something they want to do. They were both messed up by their parents and the one thing they want is for Ally to be okay.

So they made an agreement to wait, to reassess when Alice is here, when they’ve got past those first months where even the strongest couples can fall apart in.

It doesn’t stop them absent-mindedly seeking each other out most of the time, always looping their hands around each other and cuddling on the couch and playing with each other’s hair. It doesn’t stop them, when Kim’s hormones turn to a hundred, from being intimate. And before Kim got so big, before sleeping is so uncomfortable for her she can barely stand having the cover on her, let alone another warm body lying beside her, it didn’t stop them from sleeping in the same bed.

They’re just friends, having a child, and are very much in love with each other.

It was after they grabbed the extra breakfast when Kim’s back starting to ache. At this point, she’s used to having aches, so she just tried to adjust herself in a more comfortable position.

Adam had noticed and when they got home he told her just to be comfy on the sofa, so that’s what she did.

The back pain was persistent, and Kim started getting her Braxton Hicks again. The first time she got them, Adam freaked out and called Sylvie—the blonde very patiently explaining it to him again. Now, Kim didn’t think to tell him, them being used to this, instead just ran her hand over her belly.

They had a few visitors stop by, to say hello to Kim now she can no longer go up the stairs to Intelligence. Jay and Hailey were first, then Trudy. They asked Trudy to be their daughter’s grandmother and she had already taken the role to heart. Mouch, too, being their baby’s honorary grandfather. He didn’t come to visit with Trudy, being on shift. Then, finally, Kevin came, Jordan accompanying him.

The Atwaters stayed longer than anyone else, but then they also had left—it once again just being Kim and Adam. And then it was just Kim, Adam getting the message that something they ordered for the baby was in the shop.

The pain in her back had tripled in intensity, and Kim found herself having to get up, needing to walk a little to see if that would help. She thought she’d walk to the bathroom, having to need to pee like she always does now.

But when she stood, Kim felt a flood of water and her eyes widened, as she quickly realised what had happened. That the pain wasn’t just back pain, that the Braxton Hicks was actually contractions. Having get so caught up in the possibility that her baby will be a bit late, Kim just accepted that this was fake labour signs.

Adam left, saying he’ll be back within the hour. Kim had been prepped that labour is long, and even though they had been told to hear to the hospital if her water broke, she waited for Adam to be back. She could’ve called him, but she didn’t want him to rush and get into an accident.

It’s only an hour, Kim had thought.

And forty minutes later, Kim kneeling on her bathroom floor, in intense pain, she regretted that thought. Because of course this would happen. That on top of everything, apparently Alice wanted to make a quicker appearance.

“Hey, darlin’! I’m back,” Adam calls to her and she could’ve cried in relief that he’s finally here; Kim had left her phone in the living room when the contractions hit, hard.

“Adam!” Kim calls back to him, not caring how urgent and distressed her voice sounded. Adam was instantly in the bathroom.

“Kim? Kim, are you okay?” He says as he gets there.

“I’m in labour,” She tells him, although as she looks at his face, she can tell he’s already gathered that. She must be a mess, on the floor, hot and sweaty, crying. But he doesn’t look like he’s even bothered, the shock fading fast and he’s leaping into action.

Adam kneels beside her, softly stroking back her hair, laying a kiss on her forehead. “It’s okay, darlin’. I’m here now.”

After her comforts her, indicating for her to take his hand as another contraction comes, Adam is fishing his phone out of his pocket, calling for an ambulance. Kim’s too far in to even bother wondering if he can drive her, that it’s better for Alice to come in their bathroom with towels all around them rather than in his car.

Although, both would prefer if she didn’t come before the ambulance.

It’s two minutes later Adam’s phone lights up with a text. We just got the call to your address!! Is Kim alright?

It reassured Kim—and Adam, really—that Sylvie is the paramedic who’s coming, them needing that familiar face at this scary, new time in their lives.

Kim’s labour was painful, intense, but short. Alice appears before the ambulance does, Adam and Kim staring in wonder and amazement at their new born daughter.

Adam made a joke that he’s glad he bothered Sylvie with so many questions, as he expertly wrapped up Ally, hugging Kim as she hugged their daughter. She’s still connected, and Kim still needs to deliver the placenta, and luckily it’s only two minutes later when Sylvie is here, and they greet the paramedic with a smile.

“Your goddaughter was a little impatient,” Adam says to her and Kim smiles at him, nosing into him slightly as she does it, love in her heart.

“Just like her father.” As if to prove that point, Adam leans down and gently kisses her, not caring what they agreed or that Sylvie is there. All that matters is them, is Alice, is the love they share; the love Alice is born into.

It isn't the perfect birth story. But nothing about their story was, imperfect relationship, imperfect conception, imperfect family. And that makes it all that more beautiful, that despite the imperfections, it is perfection without a doubt.

That Alice, and the love that surrounds her, love pure, whole and unselfish, is what defines that, redefines what it means to love, to live, their daughter the perfect amongst the imperfections.

[puckinghell]

Before You Go | Jacob Markstrom

Summary: Lyrics: “And I know it makes you laugh, if I say it first would you say it back? // I don’t know how to say I love you before you go” Words: 4.3k Note: my fave @danglesnipecelly​ wanted a Jacob fic and what K wants, K gets. So here it is! Excuse my sadness about the trade. Not proofread, we die like men. 

--

It’s the most cliché way of meeting someone.

Later, you wonder if your friends are even going to believe you when you tell them. You wouldn’t, if the roles were reversed; you’d make a joke about them watching too many romantic comedies. But you don’t even like romantic comedies, and yet here you are.

“This isn’t good,” the guy says, a frown on his face. He pushes the elevator button a few more times, and you nearly snap at him.

It’s not suddenly going to start working because you keep jamming on the buttons.

But, well, you’ve seen him a few times before: not enough times that you think he lives in your building but maybe someone he visits often. And he’s never been anything but nice, saying “good morning” and smiling at you, holding open the door, remaining completely unbothered when you spilled coffee over his very expensive looking shoes.

You don’t know his name, but he seems like a nice enough guy, so you don’t yell at him. He’s also really hot, but that has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t yell at him.

“I think we’re stuck,” he says. There’s a hint of an accent there, one that you can’t place.

“You think?” you repeat, dryly. You let your eyes travel to the little screen telling you what floor you’re on. It’s been saying ‘3’ for way too long.

“Fine.” The guy laughs. “I know we’re stuck. What I don’t know is what we’re going to do about it.”

“I’ve seen enough action movies to know that there’s no way we’re gonna climb out of here.” You shoot him a pointed look, fixing your gaze on his arms – which are massive. “Although, you might be able to. Me, not so much.”

“I wouldn’t leave you here,” the guy scoffs, and it’s almost annoying how genuine he seems about it.

“So then we wait, I guess.” You slide down the mirrored wall of the elevator. If you’re stuck here a while, you might as well sit down. The guy seems to agree, because he sits against the opposite wall.

“So what’s your name?” he asks, and you introduce yourself. He does, too: his name is Jacob, and he’s originally from Sweden, which explains the accent. But he lives in Vancouver now and one of his friends lives in this apartment building.

“Oh, Alex!” you exclaim, when he tells you his friend’s name. “He’s very nice. He helped me build a table once when I just moved in.”

It was an IKEA table, so it was only fair that the only Swedish guy you knew helped you build it. Although you suppose he’s no longer the only Swedish guy you know, now.

“I’ve seen you around many times,” Jacob says, after some gentle ribbing about Alex’ table building techniques. “Too many times to only now learn your name.”

It’s a feeling you recognize. Jacob’s voice is nice and calming, and you think it’s only his kind blue eyes that are keeping you from having a freakout about being stuck in an elevator.

“I guess if it’s meant to be, the universe will find a way for two strangers to get to know each other,” you tell him with a small smile. You’ve never believed in serendipity before, but if there ever was a time to start…

“So it’s all up to us now to see where it goes,” Jacob says.

And you suppose if you had to get stuck in an elevator you’re glad it’s with him.

--

If it was serendipity for you to meet, it’s fate how well you fit together.

Jacob is everything you could want in a partner. In fact, if someone had asked you to design your perfect partner, you probably would’ve come up to someone awfully close to him; the only exception being that he wouldn’t have a job that takes him away from you so often.

Dating has never been fun for you, before. Relationships as a whole as a can of worms you’ve never been tempted to open, but you’ve been seeing Jacob for a few months now and you can feel the clock ticking.

He’s not pressured you, hasn’t even mentioned it, but the thought weighs heavy on your mind: if you don’t soon put a name to what you have, you might lose it.

And that’s the last thing you want. Dating has never been fun except now it is, because dating Jacob is just like hanging out with your best friend, who is really hot and you also like kissing and having sex with. And relationships are scary but when you’re with him, it doesn’t feel like that.

Nothing feels scary, when you’re with him.

“So I’m leaving for the California trip tomorrow.” Jacob takes a sip of his drink. His eyes are glued on the movie you’ve been watching, even though it’s not a very good movie: you’ve lost your attention long ago.

“I know.” You know because you’ve put the Canucks schedule in your phone, but you don’t tell him that. That seems like something you maybe shouldn’t do. Like a girlfriend thing to do, and you’re not that.

“It’s gonna be a long one,” he continues. His voice is almost too casual, and you don’t buy it for a second.

You’re gonna miss him, too. But you don’t really know how to say that. Instead, you move a little closer, lay your head down on his shoulder. His arm is curled around your body and the weight of it is comforting.

And suddenly you can’t do it anymore. You feel too safe and comfortable and good to imagine Jacob coming home and not asking you over right away, and you know you have to talk to him if you want this to last.

And you do. God, you do.

“I actually kinda wanna talk about something,” you force yourself to say. Jacob veers up as if that’s exactly what he’s been waiting for; maybe it is. He surely knows you well enough.

He switches off the movie and turns halfway, so he’s facing you. It’s harder, that way, to speak, so you fix your gaze on your hands.

Jacob’s hand comes into view, as he carefully takes one of yours and laces his fingers through yours.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” he hums, and you tell him. You don’t want to, but you do, because you can’t bottle it up any longer.

“I really like you. And I’ve been wanting to ask, or, talk about… What this is, between us. Or what you think it can be, I guess.”

Jacob’s voice displays only curiosity when he answers. “This is hard for you.”

It’s not a question. It’s a statement, but you know there should be an explanation from you anyway. He deserves to step into this knowing what he’ll get, and it’s hard because there’s a chance he decides it’s not worth it.

That you’re not worth it, too hard and too messy and too many skeletons in the closet. It’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done, maybe, to open up to him like this.

But if it was ever the right time to roll the dice and try, now would be it.

“I’ve not had a lot of good, healthy relationships in my past to look back on,” you admit. “My parents had a really messy marriage until they got divorced, and my previous relationships have been somewhat of a shit show, if I can say that. So I think… It’s just kinda hard, to open myself up to that again.”

“I understand,” Jacob says softly, and you can tell from his voice that he means it. “But you think you wanna try?”

“Yes.” It’s not a hard question to answer. “Like I said, I really like you, and, well, I think what we have could be really special. So I wanna try.” You finally look up to send him a small smile. He smiles back, eyes filled with fondness and understanding.

“But you have to give me some time, okay?” you ask. “Allow me time to try. And to figure it out.”

“All the time in the world,” Jacob agrees easily, and when he leans in it’s not scary to kiss him, to feel his hands travel across your skin, the warmth of his mouth on yours. If anything, it feels right.

--

You’re already in bed when your phone buzzes, the expected FaceTime call coming through.

“Hi,” you smile, as soon as you answer. You know the smile probably doesn’t quite reach your eyes, not after the day you’ve had – but the connection is kinda blurry so hopefully Jacob won’t be able to tell.

Jacob frowns. “What’s wrong?”

Well. So far that idle hope.

“How did you know?” you huff, immediately letting the façade go. You were going to ask him about his game first, but now there’s no use. There’s no way he’ll wanna talk about that when he’s noticed your mood.

“I know you,” he answers easily, and that’s true.

Suddenly, your heart squeezes with how much you miss him. You wrap your arms around yourself, balancing the phone on your knees, and thread your fingers into the soft worn cotton of a shirt that definitely doesn’t belong to you.

Carolina is very far away, and you feel it when you look at the screen. It doesn’t feel the same, with Jacob’s face blurry and unable to feel the warmth of his skin.

“Hey,” Jacob says, softly. “Talk to me.”

He moves and you can see more of the environment behind him now, the hotel room bland and generic as most hotel rooms are. You wonder if he misses home when he’s there, or if he’s been around the world so much no place really feels like home. Maybe those generic hotel rooms are familiar to him like a home, too.

Vancouver feels like home to you, most of the time. But it’s not where you’re from and none of your family lives there, and that makes it hard sometimes.

“Is Vancouver your home?” you ask Jacob. The question probably comes out of nowhere but it doesn’t seem to faze him: at the very least he doesn’t show it.

“Yes,” he says. “Sweden is, too. I think I have many homes.” He cocks his head to the side, seemingly staring into your soul even all the way from Carolina. “Why?”

“I guess I just miss my family,” you tell him. “My sister broke up with her boyfriend and she’s really sad and I just wish I was there. We’ve been talking on the phone, but…”

“But it’s not the same,” Jacob hazards a guess, and, yeah, that’s pretty much what it comes down to.

“You know,” he continues, in a tone of voice that betrays nothing about the fact that he’s about to say something incredible, “Vancouver became a little more like home to me when I met you.”

In books and movies, they always talk about the butterflies in your stomach when you first realize you love someone. But it’s nothing like that, for you. It’s more like a tsunami of light flowing through your veins, lifting a heavy weight from your shoulders and replacing it with the comfort of a warm blanket.

And you wanna say it, say those three little words that mean so much.

“I…” you start.

“I loved him, Y/N,” your sister had said, just hours earlier. “How could someone I love hurt me so much?”

“I miss you.”

A tiny smile adorns Jacob’s face, almost like he knew what you were going to say anyway.

“Yeah,” he says, “I miss you, too.”

--

It has happened so many times that Jacob is starting to poke fun at you, a little bit.

“Don’t you just love sweet potatoes?” he’ll say, one eyebrow lifted and too much emphasis on the word love.

You know it’s stupid, okay. You know you’ve been with Jacob for way too long to still not have said those words. It’s a miracle, really, that he’s let you get away with it so long. Any other person would probably have long ago dumped you. Or at least gotten very mad.

And you don’t really know why it’s so hard for you. It’s not like you don’t love him. In fact, you love him with your whole heart, and every single day he does or says something to remind you of it. You’ve thought it at least a million times: God, I love you.

But something dark and twisted, deep inside your heart, tells you that it’ll only be true if you say it. If you say it, you open yourself up to the kinda hurt that’s come to everyone you know that has said it before.

Your parents, who got divorced. Your sister, who got her heart broken. Every single friend that’s called you crying about someone they loved. Every single previous heartbreak that’s left everlasting scars on your heart.

And it’s not like you really need to say it. Things are going well, with Jacob, and he doesn’t seem too bothered by it. Apart from his teasing remarks, he seems completely content.

Maybe he feels it when you kiss him, maybe he sees it in your eyes.

Sometimes, you come so close. So many times, you’ve almost said it. But every time you almost do, you don’t.

You think he notices, most of the time. A tiny smile will form on his face and sometimes he’ll even laugh out loud.

“But if I said it first, would you say it back?” he’ll ask sometimes.

“Of course I would,” you’ll say, but he never tries it, and you think that might be because he knows you’re lying.

--

And then the world gets turned upside down.

You guess you knew there was a pretty decent chance he wasn’t staying in Vancouver. But it was too painful to think about: every time you did, it nearly turned you dizzy and nauseous with worry.

If Jacob wasn’t staying in Vancouver, you’d have to think about what would happen to your relationship. And that wasn’t something you wanted to think about, because he became such a big part of your life you honestly don’t know what would become of you if he left.

But then you have to think about it, because it happened.

Calgary.

You’d never known one word could break your heart this much. And you’ve never hated one city as much as Calgary.

Almost in a daze, you make your way through Vancouver to go to his house. His house, that so much felt like yours before: it doesn’t anymore, and when you step inside you feel like a stranger in a familiar place.

Jacob appears in the hallway, having heard the click of the front door and your sneakers against the hardwood floor. His face is blank, devoid of any emotion, and you know that means he’s hurting.

He’s always smiling, usually, happy almost to a fault. He carries losses with great dignity, never complains, never gets angry or upset. He shakes things off like they slip away from his shoulders.

It’s something you’ve always admired about him, because things stick to you like you’re made of velcro.

This time, though, you can tell you’re not the only one hurting.

“I’m…” you start, but you cut yourself off. I’m sorry doesn’t seem like the right thing to say, and you don’t really know what else you could say.

Wordlessly, Jacob opens his arms, and you gratefully step into them, burying your face in his shoulder. It’s minutes before he speaks.

“At least it’s still in Canada?”

You can tell he’s trying to keep positive, as he always does. But there’s very little to be positive about, here. Calgary might be in Canada but it’s still so far away, and you wouldn’t see him for weeks on end…

“What about us?” you ask, words whispered against his shirt. It’s a surprise he hears you, but he does, and he pulls away immediately, frowning down at you.

“What do you mean?”

You swallow. It’s hard to get the words out but it’s something that needs to be talked about because his move could be imminent: you have no idea how long he’s planning to stay in Vancouver now that he doesn’t have to.

“What’s gonna happen to us if you’re not here?”

Jacob takes a step back, recoils like he’s been stung. It’s not immediately clear to you why he reacts like that, until he speaks.

“I wasn’t aware that anything had to happen to us.” His words are sharp and his face is still blank, but it’s the carefully constructed blank that tells you he’s hiding his true emotions.

You laugh, but it’s humorless. “You’re going to be in Calgary, Jacob. And I’m here.”

“I was gonna ask you to come.”

His words hit you like a tsunami, and for a second you’re rendered speechless. In that second, Jacob continues.

“I thought… We’ve been together for a while, you’ve said you’re not attached to Vancouver. You don’t like your job here. There’s no reason for you to stay here.”

And there’s a reason to go to Calgary, clearly. One very good reason.

But…

But if you go, and things go wrong, you’ll be in a foreign city with nobody. You don’t have friends there, you don’t have a job, or an apartment.

“Y/N.” Jacob’s voice is a little shaky. “Do you love me?”

There it is, the question that you wished to never answer. It lays between you like a heavy blanket of fog, blurring any connection there is.

For the first time, you’re not so certain about your future anymore.

Your future was supposed to be here, in Vancouver. You’d find a better job and in time, you and Jacob would move in together. He was supposed to be a Canuck forever and this would be where you’d raise your family. You’d get a dog, and a house with a garden.

And there’s no reason any of that couldn’t happen in Calgary, but. What if it didn’t? Suddenly you can only see yourself sitting on the floor of an empty, tiny studio in Calgary, snow outside, and nobody to talk to.

Apparently your silence has lasted too long, because Jacob speaks again, more forceful this time.

“Because if you love me, we can talk about this. We can figure something out. You could move with me now or later, or we could do long distance. We can make it work.” He pauses. “But if you don’t love me, maybe that’s just a waste of time.”

You love him. You love him with everything you have and everything you are. But there’s so many thoughts whirling through your brain, so many scenarios that could end so very badly.

And if you’re hesitating, maybe that means it’s not enough.

“I see.” Jacob takes another step back. Something calm has come over him now, a quiet resolve that the decision has been made. “In that case, please leave your key when you leave.”

And you open your mouth; you’ve gotta say it, you want to say it.

But Jacob’s footsteps are heavy as he retreats up the stairs and your feet are nailed to the floor. It’s impossible to move until at least ten minutes later, when you drag yourself outside.

The door closes behind you, the keys laying on the table in the hallway.

Tears are rolling down your cheeks, but you barely notice it. Nor do you notice the cold or the rain.

There’s so many things you don’t know, but if there was one thing you could’ve changed, you would figure out how to tell him you love him before he goes.

--

It’s been 4 days, 5 hours and 20 minutes since you left Jacob’s house and with it, his life.

Not that you’ve been counting. In fact, you’ve done everything you can to distract yourself from counting: eating ice cream, watching movies, calling your sister.

During one of those phone calls, she says something that pretty much shakes the ground you stand on.

“Just because you didn’t tell him you love him, it didn’t change much about how broken your heart is right now, did it?”

Of course, you told her everything: your sister is your rock, your best friend, the only person that knows all of your secrets.

“Uhm,” you say, eloquently, as you let the words sink in. She’s right.

Damn it.

Your whole relationship with Jacob, you’ve been worried about this. About heartache. Because from the very start, you knew how amazing he was, how precisely right for you. And losing him has always been the thing you were most scared of.

Sure, you were afraid to say those three words: but it was because you were convinced it would change things. Like something would shift inside you when you did, and somehow it would bind you to him more, ties that would tear in the most hurtful way when it ended.

But now it’s ended, and you’re hurt. You don’t think you could be more hurt, by anything in the world.

Including if you’d told him you love him, first.

And after everything he’s done for you, everything he’s put up with, after the way he so fearlessly loved you even when you refused to give him that back, he deserves to know.

“I’ve gotta go,” you tell your sister, and she laughs.

“Good luck, babe.”

It’s only two days until he leaves.

You probably shouldn’t know that, anymore. You lost the right to know those things when you didn’t tell him the one thing he needed to hear. But you couldn’t just let him go without at least knowing he was gone, so you’d texted Petey and he told you.

Not happily. You’re not surprised Petey is mad at you. He’s hurting too, probably, but not like you.

But then, that’s partly your own fault.

It’s weird, to knock on Jacob’s door. You haven’t done that in God knows how long, ever since he got you a key. You remember his grin when he handed it to you, shrugging his shoulders.

“It feels as much like your place as mine, by now.”

And it did used to feel like that, but not anymore. You wonder if it still even feels like Jacob’s: surely he’s been packing his stuff, maybe even already shipping it to Calgary.

You don’t get to think about it more, because the door opens.

Jacob looks… Well, he looks good because he’s too good looking to not look good, but he looks tired. Worn out, even: dark circles under his eyes and the blue orbs contain no trace of the sparkle you’re so used to. When he sees you, he frowns.

“Y/N?” he asks. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

It’s ridiculous: after all of this he shouldn’t be asking you what’s wrong, he shouldn’t be worried about you still. He should slam the door in your face or maybe yell at you some more.

But he doesn’t. He wouldn’t. Because he’s the best person there is and he loves you, and you’ve always known it but he hasn’t known the same in return, and..

“I love you.”

You blurt out the words before you can fully process it and you can tell that he wasn’t expecting it, either. His eyes widen and his mouth is a little slack, and for the first time since you’ve met him he looks completely at loss for words.

So you just keep talking.

“I was so scared to tell you that, because somehow I thought if I didn’t say it it wouldn’t hurt so much when it went wrong. All I’ve known is love going wrong, and I guess I thought if we didn’t call it that maybe that would stop it from hurting. But now it’s gone wrong anyway and it hurts so much and I realize it couldn’t hurt more, so I might as well say it.”

You take a deep breath.

“I guess this isn’t the right way to say it, or the right time. But I had to say it now because you’re leaving and I can’t have you leave without knowing. I had to say it before you go.”

Jacob looks at you, and suddenly he’s smiling. Despite everything, it’s enough to make you smile back.

“Now,” he says, “was that so scary?”

“Terrifying,” you admit. “So, I said it first.”

“I guess I’ve got to say it back?” Jacob hums, and then he’s stepping forward and kissing you.

Now you know what they mean in the movies and the books when they talk about butterflies.

“I love you.” He whispers the words against your lips between kisses. “I’ve been loving you. I will continue to love you.”

When he pulls away you take the opportunity to bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“I don’t want you to go to Calgary without me,” you mumble. It’s easier, now, to say it: what you’ve been thinking. What you’ve been wanting. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Jacob answers without even pausing to think. “You don’t have to. Remember what I said?”

“If I love you we’ll figure it out,” you remember, and you can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks.

“So?”

“I love you,” you tell him, again, and you know you’re gonna tell him again and again and again and again.

“Then we’ll figure it out,” he promises.

And you believe him.

[jimlingss]

The Colour of Our Voices [10]

Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 10.5 OR Chapter 11

➜ Words: 4.8k

➜ Genres: 98% Fluff, 2% Angst, Slice of Life, Broadway!AU

➜ Summary: He wasn’t supposed to hear. He wasn't supposed to know. But the instant Jimin came into your life and pulled the curtains back, you couldn't hide backstage anymore. You were no longer merely a phantom of the opera.

➜ Warning: Spoilers to the musical Les Mis.

cr.

You show up in sweats.   If you could, you’d take a swig of the rosette right about now. But you’ve long run out and decided not to buy more after the other day’s embarrassing stunt at Jimin’s doorstep.   You still cringe when you think about it.   So instead, you eat chocolate. You gnaw on the king sized bar like it’s Halloween and you’re indulging in the post-trick-or-treat spirit.    Your hair is also unwashed, a spectacular three day record now. It’s itchy at some parts and when you scratch, white fluff comes dusting from your scalp. You haven’t showered in general for a while. There’s no point, really. Not when you don’t have any arrangements, responsibilities, no job to go to.   The unemployed life isn’t actually a bad one — as long as you don’t think about the inevitable doom of your bank account and having to go into debt to pay off bills.   Your life sort of feels like that picture of that dog that’s sipping on coffee while thinking ‘this is fine’ and the room is on fire. But what can you do?   “Is she…”   “...yeah…”   “....it’s true then?”   There are whispers that you’re not unaccustomed to, stares behind your back that you can feel and sense in your peripheral vision. “...the ghost singer…”   You turn around to look and the girls immediately seal their lips, looking away. They pretend to be discussing other things, but still, you hear it all around you.   “So is she really the Phantom? How is that possible?”   “Don’t ask me.”   “Do you think she can really sing?”   “Probably not. She’s only here because it would bring in publicity. We all know that.”   Your efforts are fruitless. They’re right. You’re not going to get a role. You’re only here to satisfy people’s curiosity.    “L/N Y/N?” The girl reads off her list. “Is there a L/N Y/N here?”   Fuck it.   What do you have to lose? You’ve lost it all anyways.   “Here!”   You raise your hand, voice loud and clear. The murmuring of the girls cease once they confirm that it is you. But you pay them any mind, finishing the chocolate bar in the awkward silence. You chew your mouthful and smear your stained hand on your grey sweatpants, leaving a streak of brown on your thigh.   You toss the wrapper in the garbage.   “Uh...right this way,” the girl says as she gestures past the curtain.   Many auditions take place in closed off rooms, but it’s an open stage this time. A modest size with the pianist tucked in the corner. There are five people sitting before the front row, a panel of them — some producers, directors, writers — you don’t know and you don’t care much for their titles either.   It feels like you’re on some TV show, ready for their judgment.    Your nose runs with snot and you wipe it away with the back of your hand. “Hi.”   “You’re L/N Y/N?” There’s a shuffle of papers, people peering up at you past their glasses.   “Yes.” You swallow the last bit of chocolate in your mouth, clearing your throat. You hope your teeth aren’t stained. Well….if they are, it wouldn’t be the biggest deal.   “You worked at the Phantom of the Opera production?”   You should probably head to the supermarket after this and get some ice-cream. You’d definitely feel better with it, curled on your couch with a warm blanket and some television to drown out the silence of your apartment.   “Y/N?”   The call of your name has you focusing again. “Pardon?”   The woman is dressed cleanly in a blazer with her hair pulled back into a bun like yours. But hers is undoubtedly neater, probably holding a bunch of pins, maybe even hair-sprayed. Yours was bunched up carelessly with a stretched elastic you found on the floor of your closet.   “You worked at the Phantom production?” she repeats.   You give her a bland answer, but one that’s unfortunately the entire truth. “As an intern.”   One of them pipes up, “Can you tell us any details about your previous work at the Phantom production?”   “I did coffee runs.”   “Umm….” The younger female in the middle gestures with her hand. “Did you do anything else?”   “I swept the floor. I did a lot of paperwork and printed things out for the director there,” you list out and shrug. “I don’t know. Things like that.”   They exchange looks with one another, probably not expecting such a boring response. “Did you...contribute to the performance in any way?”   Your eyes dim. Of course — this is what they wanted to know all along. It’s the reason you’re here in the first place. But they shouldn’t have beaten around the bush. If they asked over the phone, you would’ve told them. They didn’t need to waste their time like this.   But unfortunately, the honest truth isn’t as glamorous as they think it is. “The actor couldn’t sing, so I did. Behind the curtain.”   “And how did that come about?” someone asks with a frown, and you can see the girls peeking out from the curtain to your left, listening in.   “They needed someone,” you deadpan. “I volunteered.”   “Well...alright then.” He clears his throat and the others shift uncomfortably in their seats. You wonder what it is that they wanted to hear from you, what kind of gossip they were anticipating. “What are you singing for us today?”   “Do you have a preference?”   “Uh…” They look at one another and some shake their heads. “No, not really.”   You approach the pianist with a sigh. You didn’t prepare, but after countless auditions, you know all the basic audition pieces inside out. Every lyric is embedded into your mind. Pathetically enough. But they’re all the same — they gave you the same outcome of failure.    “Do you have any sheet music?”   The pianist blinks at you and timidly points to the top of the upright piano. “You can look in the binder.”   You flip it open and grab for the first paper-clipped set, passing it to him. “Here.” Then you step up to the middle of the stage again, cueing the pianist with a lifeless hand and the notes start, light and optimistic much to your displeasure.    Usually, you’d begin to feel your palms become clammy. But instead, your fingertips are sticky from melted chocolate. “There’s been a change in me.” Your voice draws from your chest hastily without much care. “A kind of moving on.”   Typically, your heart would be pumping fast to the point where you could feel it all the way in your throat. Your mouth would go dry. A cold sweat would wash down your body. But you don’t feel any of these things.    “Though what I used to be, I still depend upon.”   Your knees don’t quake. You don’t need to hide any tremors in your hands.    It’s not a real audition after all. This is a joke.   And if anything, you feel pissed. No matter where you go, you’re strung along by people for their own entertainment.   “For now I realize. That good can come from bad.”   It’s supposed to be a touching song sung by Belle in Beauty and the Beast. It’s supposed to be gentle. Hopeful. But every word is filled with your aggression. It’s hostile and indignant. You’re exhausted at being humiliated and you wail out the lyrics in grief. It tears from your throat.    If they wanted to hear you sing, they were going to hear alright.   “That may not make me wise. But fuck,” you ad lib, “it makes me glad.”   “And I—” you belt the note in a kind of bitterness reserved for a resentful villain, and a kind of sadness bleeds into it. It’s not at all like a kind protagonist that’s meant to be a delicate princess. Your voice even warbles against your will, cracks at the top, but you don’t care. You embrace it. “I never thought I’d leave behind my childhood dreams. But I don’t mind.”   You look off to the top of the stairs in the small auditorium. You’re reminded of how you once sang on a stage like this, how a brunette boy appeared from thin air and began clapping for you.   “For now I love the world I see.” You shut your eyes to savour the memory. “No change of heart, a change in me.”   You stop. The piano slows and ends. It goes completely silent.   One of the men open their mouth and then closes it. “Um….”   You spare them from having to sugar coat it and tell you how awful you are. “Thanks for the opportunity.”   You step off the stage, grab your bag, and brush past the crowd of males and females preparing to audition. They all stare at you — but for reasons you’re wrong about. Though you don’t dwell long enough to find that their expressions aren’t of detest. You hop down the stairs and take the emergency exit out.   //   You don’t know where to begin with your belongings.   For one, you’re going to need cardboard boxes bigger than those containing your instant noodles. If you’re going to go home, you need to pack up your furniture somehow. But in the meantime, you haul out your dusty luggage from the back of your closet. You kick the busted wheel to roll it a few meters before hurling it on your bed with a sigh.   You’re not sure what clothes to leave behind and which to take with you.   The mattress dips underneath your added weight and you look over to the hanging dresses that you never go to wear, blazers and pencil skirts that are unwrinkled and were only pulled out for the occasional audition….   You stand on your feet after a prolonged moment, not yet feeling the urge to dump all the hangers onto your bed and fold up the clothes into neat squares. Instead, you put it off by heading to the kitchen for more ice-cream.   But as you grab for a spoon, you pass by that counter. The one with the abandoned ticket pushed to the side. It catches your eye and you’re suspended in your spot, feet rooted to the ground. You almost forgot — it’s tonight.   You hold the ticket up to the light. It’s a dark blue with a streak of red, a young girl on it facing the horizon. Les Misérables, a front mezzanine middle row seat.   It wouldn’t hurt to do one more thing before you begin packing to go home…   Right?   //   You’re startled when the bell at the top of the door jingles to signal your entrance.   “Welcome to the Bloom Room!” A female in a green apron turns around with a bouquet of flowers and shears in the other hand. All around her are fancy floral arrangements, from wreaths to overflowing vases. The fresh scent overwhelms your senses, vibrant hues that render you even more uncertain. “How may I help you?”   “Umm..”   She smiles softly at you. “What kind of flowers are you looking for? Anything specific at all?”   You glance at the surroundings, still unsure. Maybe you should get something that’ll convey how sorry you are, for showing up drunk at his doorstep, for saying all those mean things to him. Something that’ll make amends, to tell him you really miss him, his presence, friendship.   You should get something that’ll communicate how thankful you are for him — for always being there even when you pushed him away, for always supporting you, for being your backbone when you needed it.   “Just….something nice, please,” you end up telling her with a modest smile.   “Certainly.” She leads the way, through the shelves and cases of flowers and bouquets. The florist glances at you, sincere in her gaze. “What’s the special occasion?”   “Oh no, there’s not a special occasion.” You shake your head and your hands, and the volume of your voice quiets as you try to explain. “Well, not really. I’m just bringing it with me to a show tonight. Someone I know is performing for the first time on stage.”   “How exciting! What’s your relationship with this person?” She stops at a station that has jars filled with single flowers, an array of brown paper and ribbons on the side. “Friends? Family member? Boyfriend or girlfriend?”   “Umm…..” You don’t know why it’s taking you so long to think about it. “Friends…?”   And you certainly don’t know why there’s a hint of doubt in your voice either.   The florist’s pupils flicker up to you, a hint of a knowing smile gracing her features. “How about peonies? They’re very delicate and I think it’ll be perfect to bring with you to a show. Seven of them and some baby’s breath and lilacs.”   “That sounds nice.” You nod and she begins to choose them. But you wonder if it’s strange to bring flowers to him. You clear your throat. “Is it…” The woman turns to look at you. “Is it weird to give flowers to a guy?”   “Not at all,” she assures you. “Trust me, everyone loves to get flowers.”   “Do you…..think I should deliver it or give it to him?” You’re unsure of what protocol is. You’ve never bought flowers for anyone before.   “Oh, you should give it to him,” she tells you without a trace of doubt. “That’s just me, but I think it’s much more personal to hand-deliver.”   You nod and there’s a moment of quiet before you remember something. It flickers into your mind, a memory hitting you in the face. And your eyes light up.   “C-Can I get them in purple?”   //   The show starts at seven thirty, so you arrive twenty minutes beforehand.    Your ticket gets scanned and you shuffle into the auditorium. There are lots of people, a sea of glamour, couples going on dates to musical fanatics eager to watch their favourite theater performance to critics ready to analyze the show. You tug on your little black number that ends at your knees — it’s modest and simple, but one of the many dresses that you never got to wear. But there's not a lot of time to be self-conscious or to second guess yourself. The people are a tide that rushes in, and you’re overwhelmed, pushed forward by their force and unable to escape.   The theater is grand, brightly lit with the red curtains pulled down. You find your seat and hug the small bouquet of flowers in your lap.   When the show finally begins, the lights dim down completely and it’s glorious. Music begins to play, thundering through the auditorium, and men march onto the stage holding sledgehammers. “Look down, look down. Don't look 'em in the eye.”   Your eyes search for Jimin, but he’s not here.   If you remember the details of his role correctly, you have a feeling he won’t show up for a while. So you sit back and try to relax and watch. But the anticipation and excitement of seeing him keeps you on alert. Any time there are characters entering the stage, your eyes always scan across.   It’s not until an hour later that you finally see the familiar boy at the very corner of the scene, catching the edges of the spotlight. Immediately, a smile tugs into your cheeks.    Jimin’s singing with the others, wearing a long brown coat with disoriented hair. He plays the part of a young man from a rich family well. You can practically see the fire in his eyes.   “Look down and show some mercy if you can! Look down, look down, upon your fellow man!”    The song is similar to an anthem, riling up the crowd for a revolution. “It'll come, it'll come, it'll come... It'll come, it'll come, it'll come…”   Jimin doesn’t have a main role, but he’s still on the stage of Broadway, singing with many others. You’re happy to see him, elated that you know the boy that’s actually performing, and you have to hold back from giving a sudden standing ovation.    “Before the barricades arise?”   The crowd breaks up as the police enter the stage and just like that he disappears again. But ten minutes later, it’s his time to shine again. Jimin’s one of the nine men — the main character, Marius, and the supporting character, Enjolras, taking the limelight, but he’s one of the many students sitting around a table, at a supposed bar.   “Red!” one of them sings.   The male playing Marius faces the audience. ��I feel my soul on fire!”    “Black!”   “My world if she's not there!” the main actor responds with vigor.   “Red!” Jimin belts with others.    “The colour of desire!”   “Black!” he sings again, and you can pick up his voice between the timbre of others.    “The colour of despair!”   Jimin sings with the actors and it echoes throughout the theater. While he never sings a line by himself, you can still hear his tone ever so slightly before it melts away. “The dark of ages past! Red — a world about to dawn! Black — the night that ends at last!”   His appearance is sweet albeit short. You see him one more time right before the intermission when the cast comes onto the stage and sings for the hope of the future in ‘One Day More’.    Afterwards, it’s a fifteen minute break. It’s an hour and a half through the show, but the intermission allows people to relieve themselves at the restrooms or grab a drink at the bar. In your case, you stick around, grasping the bouquet. The brown paper crinkles under your grip and you peer at the curtain as if hoping he’ll run out.   Instead, you catch Jimin coming out from the left door as the other people are spilling out of the auditorium.   But it’s bad timing.   He doesn’t come to where you are, but towards the orchestra section, right by one of the closest rows to the stage. An older woman and man stand, clapping and jumping. He runs into the woman’s arms and squeezes him.   It’s his parents, and you smile before turning around to walk away, not wanting to interrupt the intimate moment with your presence. His parents must be proud.   You’re happy for him.   //   The show continues afterwards. Jimin makes a few more cameos here and there without singing any lyrics, simply in the crowd at the barricades. Although, he does say a few lines.   “See! The people unite!” — “So what are we going to do with this snake in the grass?” — “You wear an army uniform.” And when Éponine dies, he comforts Marius. “She will not die in vain…”   But Jimin does sing one line by himself in the song ‘Drink With Me’. His eyes sweep across the audience floor as he steps forward, pretending to take a swig of the empty beer bottle. “Here’s to pretty girls who went to our heads!”    And you swear he looks right at you.   As if he had memorized where you would be seated.   But Jimin looks away right after, his eyes passing your spot. You release your held breath, realizing it was your imagination. There was no way he could actually see you.   The show lasts another forty minutes, filled with the spectacular performances of the leads, their beautiful voices that captivate your attention and everyone else’s. During the finale when the storyline has wrapped up, everyone comes onto the stage again. You see him one last time there.   Jimin is singing, smiling wide, looking out at the audience.    It could not be a better Broadway debut.   You muse that he truly belongs on the stage — there’s no place else he should be. Along with the rest of the audience, you give a standing ovation. The applause roars throughout the auditorium, actors and actresses bowing and waving goodbye.    When it dies down, the bright lights come on again. People begin trickling out and you’d leave as well, if not for the bouquet of flowers you’re still holding onto.   You look around. “U...Um excuse me…”   You stop someone who looks like a worker and they blink at you, confused. You swallow hard and hand over the flowers. “C-Can you give this to Park Jimin? He was an actor in the production.”   “Sorry.” The teenager awkwardly points to a family that’s gathering their belongings to show he’s with them and he offers a kind smile. “I don’t work here.”   “O-Oh. Sorry.” You bow your head and they say it’s no problem. But you’re still cringing from embarrassment, and now you don’t know what to do, how to give it to him without having to face him. You should’ve thought about this better.   But before you can contemplate any solution, you hear a sudden—   “Y/N?!”   Jimin’s sweaty. Like he sprinted here as fast as he could the second the curtains fell. His parents are nowhere in sight, probably in the lobby, but he's here with you. Still in costume. The nineteenth century french clothing — blue trench coat, puffy white shirt underneath, brown slacks.   His hair is riled up with what looks like soot pressed to his cheeks, makeup of some sort that makes him appear even more disoriented and soiled. But he doesn’t care. You don’t either.   His chest rises and falls as he tries to catch his breath. The two of you stare at each other, pupils locked into one another’s, holding the other’s attention. Captivated. Then after a beat, the biggest and goofiest grin spreads into his face. It’s enormous, causing his eyes to crinkle into half-moons.    “You came! You...actually came!”   “Y-Yeah…” You’re stunned and you tear your eyes away, the intensity becoming too much for you to handle. Your arm extends. “These are for you.”   “Flowers?!” He breathlessly giggles and takes them. Jimin doesn’t fail to notice that they’re all shades of purple, from lilac to violet. Because of you, purple has become his new favourite colour. “I love them. Thank you!”   “C-Congratulations on your debut, Jimin.”   He grins, so much that his rosy cheeks look like they’re about to burst. His teeth peek out, eyes crescent moons. “Thank you. I’m glad you could make it.”   “S-Same here…..” You don’t know why he’s gazing at you so intently at you. It makes it hard to keep eye contact. “You were really amazing.”   “I didn’t have that many lines,” the boy giggles, still giddy and hyperactive. It makes you smile.   “But you were still good.” There’s a lot of things you’ve been wanting to tell him, a million versions of an apology that you’ve practiced in the mirror. And now that he’s here and you’re no longer staring at a reflection of yourself, you gather your courage to face your regrets. “You deserve it, Jimin. I’m...sorry for everything that I said. I’m sorry for being resentful towards you. I’m sorry for being jealous. It wasn’t your fault. And all those things I said to you, I didn’t mean it. A-at the time I did, but now I don’t...I don’t know if that makes it any better but...yeah….I just…..you were great, you worked hard, so…”   It’s the shittiest apology. Worse than the first one you practiced. But you can’t get it out right.    You feel nervous for the first time in Jimin’s presence. A kind of anxiousness that doesn’t make you feel sick. Rather, you feel something else in your stomach — it’s fluttery. Something uncertain brewing there, stirring at its pits.   It feels similar in your chest. It isn’t a foreign sensation, but one you had ignored for a long time now.    Jimin suddenly laughs, noisy and hearty. It squeaks, a higher pitched giggle. It makes you look at him, eyes hesitantly lifting off the floor. And then you yelp.   Jimin picks you up right off the ground, arms locked around your waist. He spins you in a circle, squeezing ticklish laughter out of you. Your hands immediately come to grab his shoulders. The boy is unable to contain the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the overwhelming joy of you being here.   “Jimin!” you squeal.   He laughs. “God, I’m so happy that you’re here!”   “Did you think I’d miss it?” you quip and it feels like forever since you’ve been able to joke around like this. “Not for the world, Park!”   He sets you down to your feet again. His swelling smile might just break his face. He nuzzles into you, hair tickling your forehead. Jimin hugs you tight. He’s so happy, you can practically feel it radiate off of his skin. And your chest blooms with pride instead of envy. “Your Broadway debut was amazing. It only gets better from—”   “Can I please kiss you?”   Your heart stutters.   Jimin pulls himself apart from you. The sudden question has you blinking twice. But the temptation for Jimin has gotten too much. If there’s one thing that could make tonight even more perfect, it would be him kissing you…   You glance at his plush lips before your pupils flicker back to his eyes.   “You don’t need to ask.”   Just like that, he roughly tugs you in by the small of your back. The flowers lose a few petals from the harsh motion. But Jimin doesn’t care. He kisses you like he’s been waiting to do it for months now. He kisses you like he wants you. He’s hungry for it and savours your whimper that’s muffled between his soft lips. He’s been wanting to hear your voice like this.   Jimin’s half-lidded eyes soak up your pleasured expression before he gives in, shutting them to succumb to your scent. He breathes you in and you become helpless in his arms, the pad of your fingers pressing against the nape of his neck. You’re unsure if you want to part just to gasp for air, or if you want to push him even closer.   But your thoughts turn to mush as his hot tongue licks inside your mouth, eager. The pair of you don’t care that other people might be watching, that you’re placed in the middle of the auditorium, that you’ve stolen the spotlight.   When the both of you break apart, you stumble back from each other, mouths swollen. You wipe away his saliva that’s made your lips shiny with the back of your hand. The both of you are dazed and embarrassed, catching your breaths, his own cheeks reddened.    You divert your eyes from one another. But then infectious giggles spill over.    God, you might’ve been in love with Park Jimin for a long time now.

Director Lee sits at his desk with a sigh.   He shuffles his papers before sitting back in his swivel chair, unsure. Right at that moment, a blonde, lean man enters with a hot brewing cup of coffee. The assistant sets it on his desk.   “Are you sure you should be taking in caffeine this late at night?”   “Not like I’ll be able to sleep anyway.” He brings the cup up for a small sip. “I’m still deciding on the main cast.”   “Who do you have?”   “The casting director narrowed it down to these people.” He lays out the applicants of possible options and sighs. “Now I just have to decide who’s going to be part of this and who’s who. You should’ve been there today, Kim. If you weren’t late, you might be able to help me right now.”   “Sorry.” Taehyung sheepishly grins. “My alarm clock didn’t ring.”   The director is disgruntled, but still playful. “Same excuse every time, Kim.”   Taehyung laughs, but still tries his best to assist. He scans over the applications haphazardly, but then his breath hitches. He turns his body to get a better look and his eyes grow wide, recognizing you. “Oh. What about her?”   The director follows to where his assistant is pointing and hums a low note. “Oh. Her. We called her since we heard she was the ghost singer of Phantom.”   “Oh yeah.” The blonde nods. “I heard about that.”   “I was thinking about tossing her papers.”   “Why?” Taehyung looks at his mentor, genuinely curious.   “Well, her audition was….” He struggles to find the right words. “Impactful. It was really something. She stood out, that’s for sure.”   “Then….?”   “I just don’t know if we could find the right place for her.” He shrugs and taps his finger against the armrest of his chair. “She might outperform the other actors and actresses.”   Taehyung makes a noncommittal sound at the back of his throat. “I don’t know. But I think she should be considered for a role. That’s just me, but I have a good feeling about her. You said it was impactful, right? Isn’t that what we should be going for?”   Director Lee glances at his assistant, but Taehyung simply smiles and waltzes out the room.

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Okay

Summary: Rami needs his brother to make him feel okay after the intensity of filming Mr. Robot, Episode 407.

A/N: Well, this is a bit of a grey area for me because Sami isn’t a celeb; however, the muse bit and she would NOT let go. Also, if you haven’t read @bohemian-napsodyy​‘s HC about the Reader x Rami on set during Ep 407, do it. Their Anon beat my own muse by a few hours 😉 

Warning: Spoiler-ish for Mr. Robot, Episode 407

When Sami stepped off the plane, he grimaced.

The air inside LaGuardia was stifling, almost putrid compared to the air of his west coast home. Sami hated coming to New York City in the summer, but when Rami had called and asked him to hang out for a few days on the Robot set, there was something in his twin’s voice that Sami couldn’t ignore.

“I’m supposed to come in July, Ram. School just let out. I’m exhausted. Are you sure it can’t wait?”

“Uh, well, uh, I don’t know. I guess so,” Rami had stammered.

Sami knew there was something his brother wasn’t telling him, but why he wasn’t telling him was what concerned him.

“Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Rami said immediately, and Sami knew that the vulnerability Rami had just let slip was being hurriedly caged away. He could practically hear the door slamming shut as Rami changed both the subject of conversation and the tone of his voice. Sami knew his brother better than he knew his own self.  

And that was the thing with being an identical twin; they were quite literally your other half, and even though at times Sami wanted nothing more than to knock his brother senseless, he loved him with a depth that few could ever understand.

When they had hung up, Sami was still uncommitted to visiting the Robot set early, but an unease settled in the pit of his stomach and didn’t let go until he texted his brother later that night to say he’d catch the first flight out in the morning.

Rami’s reply was short, a simple “OK,” but Sami could feel his brother’s relief and knew it was mirrored in the way his own body had relaxed when he finally sent the text. It didn’t matter that they were literally on opposite ends of the country, 2,800 miles apart; Sami always knew exactly what Rami was feeling.

Despite having worn sunglasses, a hat, and earbuds, Sami was approached three times as he navigated his way through the crowded airport, remembering another reason why he hated New York City. In LA, people just didn’t approach celebrities like they did on the east coast, and they especially did not give a shit about the brother of a celebrity.

The first person to approach was someone who recognized him as “the other one” once they got close enough, and then comically turned on their heel and tried to walk away as if they hadn’t just made a beeline for the wrong twin.

Next, it was by someone who knew exactly who he was and asked for a picture anyway.

And finally, it was by someone who, despite his protests, insisted that Sami was Rami, clearly preparing for a new role. Sami shook his head and smiled for the camera, thinking Rami’s people would have fun with that one if it picked up any traction online.

The taxi ride to Rami’s apartment in Soho was too long, but Sami caught up on his texts, first making sure to tell his mom he had a safe flight.

Sami paid for his taxi and made his way into the building that housed Rami and a few of the other cast members, including Carly. Sami liked Carly and hoped to run into her even though his visit was going to be a short one. She never failed to tell some sort of embarrassing story about Rami, which Sami mentally tucked away for the times when Rami would get his head stuck too far up his own ass.

Rami was still on set, so when he knocked, the door to the apartment was opened by one of his brother’s assistants. It was still strange to think about the level of fame his brother had achieved. Rami had always done too much, had always been totally in control of his career, but that way of life was now forgotten, rather it had to be forgotten because way too many people wanted a piece of him now.

Sami honestly didn’t know how his more introverted brother handled it—the press, the fans, the relationships he had to build and maintain, and then the work itself. Being a teacher was hard, thankless, and often emotionally draining. But at the end of the day, Sami got to stop, got to be himself free from most societal expectations and got to hide himself away able to function in unnoticeable ways, unlike Rami.

And it bothered Sami to know that his twin was struggling to adjust to his new life, too. He felt even more guilty for hesitating to come for a visit when it had been so long since he’d even seen Rami.

Sami had seen more of Rami inadvertently than intentionally since winter. He’d walk by magazines in the grocery store or pop online and see images of his brother, exhausted and unhappy.

“Rami has a bit of a long shoot in Central Park today, but he should be home around 7. I know he’s going to be glad you’re here,” this woman Sami barely knew said.

Fuck. A stranger knows more than I do, Sami thought as he gave her a smile. He didn’t miss the way she looked at him—the same way most people who knew his brother first did. They see the resemblance and wonder just how alike the twins are.

As Sami settled in and walked through his brother’s somewhat sparse, definitely lonely apartment, he worked to stifle his guilt. It wasn’t like he could just take a few days off and follow his brother around the world. When a teacher took a day off, it was usually more work than it was worth.

Sami flipped through Rami’s mail before opening the fridge and finding next to nothing inside. He rolled his eyes, and despite his distaste for New York, Sami was glad he came. Clearly, his brother needed him, even if he wasn’t able to say those words.

* * * * *

Sami had visited the Robot set quite a few times over the years, but he had never been to set on a day like this. The entire atmosphere was tense; it felt like something dirty had slid under his skin and stuck there, and after awhile it began to pulsate until its presence couldn’t be ignored.

Rami had explained that this was it; today’s shoot was the culmination of all of Elliot’s suffering, and Sami could clearly see just how invested everyone who worked on the show was.

When Rami emerged from his dressing room, no longer his familiar twin, but as Elliot Alderson, Sami gave him a small smile which Rami returned before he wiped his features clean again, fully Elliot in an instant.  

From his perch behind one of the cameras, the assistant director was watching the screen with their eyes glued to it. Sami had the luxury of looking between the screen and the set, and the luxury of letting his mind wonder. It was so strange to hear the scene delivered with the scuffle and echo of noises that would be removed during post-production. And even eerier to watch without the carefully scored background music.

Sam said, “Cut,” for the umteenth time that day, which gave Sami time to stretch, moving around to observe the other actors.

Rami had kept himself isolated today, talking only to Sam between takes. There was no joviality. Normally, Rami would be watching the playback or offering a critique, and on easier days, playing a joke on someone, or laughing about some awkward quirk of his that belonged to him and not to Elliot that he needed to erase for the next take.

Sami watched as the makeup crew rushed in to touch up the character of Vera, making his brow even more sweaty than before.

Sami found this amusing because the same effect could be produced for next to nothing by simply opening a window and having the actor stick his head into the New York humidity for two minutes.

Hollywood was weird.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his twin begin to bounce back and forth, heel to tow, before he broke out into his signature jog in place.

Rami settled in and sat down on the sofa across from Elliot’s captured therapist.  

This was it.

Sami watched with wide eyes, not even realizing he was holding his breath as Krista peppered Elliot with questions—the questions that were leading him to his monster.  

As Elliot began to remember, Sami forgot he was watching his brother, his mirror since birth, and felt himself completely lost in Elliot’s revelation, and Sami even stuffed his fist into his mouth to tamper down the groan of horror that threatened to disturb the entire scene.

Sami felt like he had experienced something transcendent, and instead of calling cut, Sam just walked up to his Elliot and put his hands on his shoulders; it took a few moments, but then Rami melted into his director and rested his forehead on Sam’s shoulder as he talked softly to him.

Sami swiped at the tears he hadn’t even realized had fallen, unable to take his eyes off his brother, wanting nothing more than to comfort him and bring him back to just being Rami.

But there was another take. And another.

“I can do it better. I can do it better,” Rami repeated, pouring drops into his eyes to clear the redness from crying to restart the scene.  

By the fifth take, Sami was uncomfortable. His brother was pushing himself too hard, taking longer and longer to collect himself between takes.

Sam was behind the camera, his face serious, and he had his assistant get Sami.

“We’ve got the take, but he wants to do it again. He won’t listen to me.”

Sami glanced at the screen and watched the tears fill his brother’s eyes and knew that Rami had nailed it on that very first take. But he also knew that his brother had been carrying around the character of Elliot for years—he owed everything in his life to Elliot because if it wasn’t for this show, Rami would still be the weird kid who was in The Pacific and the funky little pharaoh who was in Night at the Museum, recognizable, yet still struggling for success.    

Rami came out of the dressing room, once again looking like he hadn’t just performed the most gut-wrenching scene television had ever seen.

“I’m ready,” he said in a voice that said the exact opposite.

Sam said, “We’ve got it Rami. No more.”

“I can do it better.”

“Rami, it’s done. You’re done,” Sami said stepping toward his brother, grasping his shoulders and forcing him to look at him, really look at him.

Rami turned his eyes on his twin and blinked slowly.

“Done?”

“Done, Rami. You fucking nailed it.”

Rami took a shuddering breath and swayed on his feet. His eyes filled with tears so quickly it took Sami and Sam both by surprise.

Sam reached over and grasped Rami’s shoulder.

“You’ve done Elliot justice. We can see every thought. Feel every feeling. It’s brilliant—you were brilliant.”

Rami swallowed and gave Sam a heartfelt nod before Sami walked his brother back into the dressing room.

As soon as the door shut, Rami broke.

Sami was there to catch him, to hold onto him as he purged the emotions he had built up during Elliot’s revelation.

Neither of the twins moved for a long time, stuck together like they had been their whole lives, drawing comfort from the other’s warm presence.

Sami finally spoke in his mirror voice that was just a bit higher than Rami’s.

“You realize once this airs you can tell everyone who said you won an Oscar for lip syncing and wearing fake teeth to eat a dick?”

Sami felt his brother suck in a laugh, his shoulders shaking slightly under his hands.

Rami pulled away to look into Sami’s eyes, mirror eyes of the same undefinable hue as his own, eyes that never looked at him as some sort of other, a celebrity, an actor, a movie star. Sami only ever looked at him as Rami.

“Thanks for being here.”

Sami sighed, a soft smile on his lips as he pulled his scrawny brother in for one last tight hug, the unspoken you’re welcome settling over Rami, letting him know he was going to be okay.  

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 19: Mitsuba (Part 2)

Previously: we started a new arc! We shifted the focus to Kou and his new ghost friend, Mitsuba. He’s a new-ish ghost and not at all what I expected (but I’m honestly kinda living for it). Together they’re trying to work out what Mitsuba’s unfinished business is so he can move on. They seem to work well together (in a very chaotic type of way). It started out very cute and then it got real angsty real fast, and I suspect it’s only gonna get worse this chapter :)) I can’t wait :)))

Now onto the next chapter!

You know when you say you’re gonna upload more regularly but then life happens and you get sick (AGAIN)........yeah, don’t know what that’s like or anything……..sigh

Anyway, time to finally keep going with the feels train from last chapter. And omfg

Only the first page and I’m already feeling all the feelings ;n; Look at them!! They were so precious! I know it’s not rare for people to stop being friends when they change classes but still :C

He’s saying that he tried to reach out to everyone he considered a friend but none of them recognized him. I know I said it last chapter but god, this is so heartbreaking, this poor child. Kou looks speechless, and I can’t say I blame him, it’s a lot to unpack.

Awwww baby he was bullied in elementary school for “looking like a girl” and being “cocky” :( I know not everyone is like that, but people like these are the reason I was so glad to be over with high school (not elementary school because I went to school with basically the same people since I was five). Kids can be so unnecessarily mean :/

Ah, okay. So when he started middle school, he decided to change things up.

Oh, sweetheart ;; He tried, he tried so hard because he just wanted to have friends and be happy but it backfired. I can’t even imagine how that must have felt. Like, what was the point of locking away his true self if no one cared about him either way? “A boring guy who barely stands out from the background” I really resonate with this line (and I’m sure a lot of people do as well). I’m quite shy nowadays but I was extremely shy when I was younger; I only really had two close friends in class (they’re thankfully two of my best friends to this day) and I knew everyone else didn’t particularly cared about me unless they needed something. I didn’t really get bullied but I was made fun of a few times because I was a bit overweight, and that, inaddition to my anxiety, really dealt a blow to my self-esteem. I only started to really open up during my second year of college when I met a lot of people who had interests and personalities similar to mine. What I’m trying to say with all this is that it can take a really long time for you to be comfortable in your own skin and to be comfortable sharing who you are and what you enjoy; hell, I still have a hard time doing it. But it gets better, even if it doesn’t seem like it will, it does, and it breaks my heart to see that Mitsuba didn’t get the chance to experience that, that he didn’t get the chance to find friends that loved him for who he was when he was still alive.... Oof, okay, that got sad fast. Let’s keep reading.

In his own clumsy way, I think he’s trying to lift Mitsuba’s spirits. Since he’s one of the people who forgot about him, he probably feels guilty, so this is his way of saying “I didn’t remember the fake you, but I will do my damn best to remember the real you and I’ll let the others know as well”. And yeah, it’s brash, but I like it, I see it as a way of preserving Mitsuba’s actual memory, who he really was and not the persona that just made him unhappy.

Ah, good, he apologized for not remembering him and he also explains that the reason he didn’t recognize him was because he was so different from when they first met. Fair tbh, there’s quite a gap between the seemingly soft spoken boy and Mitsuba’s actual teasing nature and colorful vocabulary.

Kou is such a good kid. Like, I know Mitsuba is already dead but I’m so glad someone told him this. And hey, it could help him move on as well. OH! HANG ON. Okay, so, Mitsuba said that he thinks his regret has something to do with taking a picture he couldn’t when he was alive, right? If we take into consideration what we’ve learned so far, it seems like Mitsuba’s biggest regret centers around the fact that he couldn’t form long-lasting friendships. So like, is the picture he wanted to take one with his friends?? Because that’s- that’s so sad but also so sweet I think I could cry. Kou, in his own way, tells him that he’s a pretty alright guy and Mitsuba says “a lot of good that does me now” but hey, it actually does, because I think he really needed to hear that.

Ahhhhhh Mitsuba asks him if they could have been friends if he were still alive. Of course you could have, sweetie! Come on, Kou, tell him!

ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ

He’s taking a picture of Kou!!!!!!!

(TдT)(TдT)(TдT) my heart oh my god I love them so much look at these babies.

Kou is being oblivious but Mitsuba tells him not to worry about it and that he thinks that once they develop the pictures, he’ll be able to move on ;; (Or at least I think that’s what he means.) 

(⚆.⚆) (⚆.⚆)

(;;⚆_⚆) Oh…………..there he is……..oh dear

But ALSO, hello?? do they know each other?? how? when??? (also imo the stylistic choice of making that speech bubble black is incredibly effective because you can just feel the malice behind it)

Oh, I’m so glad that Kou realized so fast that he isn’t Hanako. Like, yeah, the clothes are a big help but I feel like this boy’s aura is so different from Hanako’s (well, from regular Hanako, since he does have some moments when he smiles creepily).

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)  (ﾟдﾟ；)  Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) HOLY FUCKING SHIT W H A T

What is he doing???? what??? did he like, kill him off, like, for good??? wha   t????

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) OH GOD, IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE

………………….oh? So he does work as a “Hanako-kun” like Amane? That’s interesting because when I first came up with that I thought it would be possible if “Hanako-kun” was one spirit that split itself depending on who summoned him. But now that I know that he’s actually Amane’s twin, I have to wonder how and why did this happen. Like, why is it that both of them ended up with this role? Is it because they are twins and since they look the same the rumors then would consider them to be just one entity?

Mitsuba’s wish was “I want to stay in everyone’s memories” and I just ;;;;;;;;

(ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；)

First: please let the child go omfg. Second: that’s not your decision to make. If Mitsuba thinks that having Kou remember him is enough, then that’s it, there’s nothing more to argue. And I repeat: ple a se let go of the child. Why is he trying to interfere? Like, yes, Hanako helped Yashiro as much as he could when she made her wish(es), but he only kept interfering because she still wasn’t happy with the outcome. Mitsuba seems to be okay with it, so he shouldn’t have a reason to meddle.

“Don’t you lay a hand on my friend!!” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kou is such a good kid, we don’t deserve him. But also he’s being reckless and it fills me with worry ;;

Ohhhhhhh okay. I didn’t consider that before. Whether Hanako could only grant wishes to living people or not, I mean. I assumed he did, so it’s interesting to know that there’s someone who can grant the wishes of the dead. That brings up a couple of questions, though. Like, what are the limits of his powers? What does he take in exchange? Are the wishes of the dead similar to Mitsuba’s or do they have a bigger range? Is any spirit able to summon him or are there restrictions like in Amane’s case (even if we still don’t know what the conditions for summoning him are yet)? Also, again, it seems like he’s more “pushy” than Amane is in regard to his wish granting.

…...oh, oh no. they’re gonna forcefully change his rumor so that his wish comes true (even though Mitsuba was happy before and ghost boy here doesn’t like to listen to other opinions, apparently)

[also now I feel really bad about the crooked man joke I made last chapter. I didn’t think it would come back to bite me in the ass like this;;]

Oh god, that’s some horrifying imagery. There’s nothing gruesome but the way that it’s drawn conveys the despair he’s feeling so well.

“If you can’t tell him his name then he’ll break your neck to make you look like him” jfc that’s just cruel ;; to turn his sincere and desperate wish into a weapon, to turn him into a mindless weapon (because we know that he’s gonna have to do it unless Yashiro is able to change it or unless Hanako takes matters into his own hands). Also it just hit me that Mitsuba is not dead dead so like, why the fuck did Hanako n°2 put a hole in his chest???? what was the point?? just to be a piece of shit?

…………………..I-

Yes. that, same. Wh-what the fuck

OH! Haku-joudai went to report to Hanako what happened! Oh boy, oh dear. He looked shocked and slightly afraid and I’m :)) terrified :)))

So, he’s on the side of chaos, basically. Like, he clearly does whatever the fuck he wants, and he wants complete and total freedom to do so, without a care about how that might affect others. Lovely :))))

[arthurflecksgirl]

Arthur Fleck fanfic REFLECTIONS Part 4 and 5

https://arthurflecksgirl.tumblr.com/post/611240473049333760/arthur-fleck-fanfiction-reflections-part-1-3

LINK TO PART 1,2 and 3 above

Some sweet, romantic Arthur fanfiction about taking care of him and giving him the love he deserves.

Involves some romantic sex.

Part 4 "Oh,Kitten. I don`t know what to say" Arthur got a big smile on his face as he roles off of me and takes me in his arms. "I got lost in you. It was like everything else in the world disappeared. I never felt so close to anyone. This is what true happiness must feel like". My head is lying upon his chest, which is lifting up and down from still trying to catch his breath. I can`t belive what he just said. He felt true happiness. And I am the reason? I feel my eyes watering and take a deep breath of his skin. "I know. I felt the same with you. " I whisper in his ear "I felt compleate with you inside of me. Like you should have been there all the time." I lean in to kiss him. I can feel the taste of his lips with my whole body. My fingertips are caressing his cheekbones while I can feel his hot breath in my mouth. With his breath I breathe in his whole being. His whole beauty. I imagin his breath is making its way down my throath. I`m sucking all the sorrow and loneliness out of him. Make it my own. Become one with this sad eyed man which is my only desire in this life. "Keep on breathing into me" I moan between the kisses "Breathe life into me". He holds me so close to his chest its almost hurting. He might seem fragile but his arms still can be strong. "I feel like I cannot get you close enough" his arms tighten up. "Kitten, what if its never close enough?" I feel like I´m a little short of breath but at the same time I dont want him to loosen up his embrace. I kiss the red stained corner of his mouth. Softly. "I know what you mean, Arthur. But we can be this close now whenever we want." "We can?" "Sure" "You mean you really want me?" "I do, Arthur. I want everything of you. For the rest of my life. I will never taste or smell or touch anything else again. Or love" He loosens up his tight embrace to get down to kiss my chest now "Or love" he repeats. So many little kisses covering my skin. leaving stains of his face paint all over my chest. Little, red proofs that he  touched me. Kissed me. His lips are wandering down my belly as I hold his head between my hands, my fingers get lost in his soft curls. I push his head closer against my trembling body. His nose is touching my navel. It tickles. I have to laugh. He looks up to me "Do you like it?" "Oh yeah. I like it a lot, Artie" For a second I thought he will make his way down on me but suddenly he is making his shy face. "Finally" he says "Finally someone sees me"

"You know what?" I play with his hair "Today we`re going to make a picnic in the park. " "I never had a picnic before." "So today its gonna be your first" He gets up, looking very excited "I feel like thereare going to be a lot of first times for me from now on, Kitten".  He gets to the bathroom dancing to music only he can hear in his head. But I can tell its one of his favorite songs.

"Hey Artie, I will be back in like half an hour.  I jus wann go buy some food" "Okay, just take the money  in the pocket of my pants". He says while taking off the rest of his make up in the bathroom. I reach for his pants, search for the money and find some more meds in his pockets. Temazepam, Perphenazine,... He comes out of the bathroom before I can read what the other ones are. His face free from make up. "Did you find the money?" "Yeah I did" the almost empty bottle of meds still in my hands. "And my meds" he looks ashamed. "Oh, well, I`m sorry about that... I just..." "You must think I`m ..." a cough is crawling up his throath. His hands covering his mouth. "Hahahahahahahah" loud, almost agressive laughter is coming out of his mouth. "You hahahhaah must think I`m a crazy.... hahahahhahaha" "Nooooo " I run the few stept up to him "Arthur, no. I dont think you`re crazy. Look, if you need the medication to feel better, just take them okay? I will not judge you or anything" "No, Kitten hahahahah I`m metally.... hahahahahaahahha....ill....." Tears are running down his face, pain in his eyes. I wipe his tears away and give him a hug.  He is shaking so hard my whole body is shaking with him. "You haha you deserve better... Kitten, you deserve....so much...." I take his hands which try to cover his mouth from shaking and kiss his lips. He is slowly calming down "You might have some problems, Arthur. Thats okay. We can figure them out together. I will not leave you ever again. Do you hear me?" He whipes a tear from his eyes "Okay. Yes... I...I do belive you" "C`mon get yourself ready. We go buy the stuff for the picnic together" There it is. He`s smiling again, getting in his clothes. A white shirt under his brown jacket and blue pants. I button up his shirt as he looks at me like he still can belive I`m really here. "Kitten... does you memory come back in any way?" "Nahh... nothing." I smile "Anyway... dont worry about that. I don`t.  I feel like this had to happen, otherwise we wouldnt have met." "Yeah... I`m still worried, you know?" "Dont be, Artie" I get my own cothes. All black. We`re heading out the door, he lights a cigarette and we go buy some fruits and sweets before we arrive at the park. Its not a perfect summer day but its still warm enough to enjoy the weather. The park doesnt give you the same feeling as the streets do. Its not as dirty as the rest of Gotham. "How do you know the way to the park?" he asks "I thought you dont know this city" He`s got a good point there "Oh my god. I just knew. That means I must have been here before, right?" "I guess so, Kitten" We`re holding hands as we walk through the gates. "Close your eyes, Arthur" He chuckles "Why?" "Just do it" "Okay" I pick some flowes and put them into his hair. He opes his eyes "Kit.....what did you just do?" His fingers go through his hair, he is laughing from happiness as he realizes I put flowers in his hair. His puppy eyes as green as the nature around us. I have to laugh,too. He takes a flower out of his curl and puts it on my head "They look much more beautiful on you". "No they don`t" He kisses me on the forehead, humming a melody I`ve never heard before. "C´mon" I say "See this big, old tree right over there? This looks like the perfect spot to relax. Its far from the crowds" He sqeezes my hand,still humming songs, looking so happy as we walk over to place the blanket we brought with us. He lays down on his back, looking up to the sky as I unpack the food. "So....what are your fave fruits? I also got some cake and cookies and..." He looks at all the stuff beside him "Um... I dont even know... I`m never rally hungry". "Well, Artie, today you are" I smile "You gotta eat something. I can`t watch you staving yourself any longer". I know that all the meds he takes must stop his appetite but I still hope he is trying some of the food I picked for him. "Thats sweet" he says "But I´ll only eat something when you`re going to feed it to me" he smirks. "I see.... so... lets start with this" I take grape between my fingers and put it on his lips. He is eating it like he never tasted one before "It tastes good. Got more?" I feed him berries and chocoloate cookies he really seems to enjoy. He takes a rasberry by himself and puts it between his lips " Want one?" he smirks. I steal the berry from his mouth and taste his sweet lips. We kiss. He takes some bites from the cake. I´m glad he is finally eating something. "Strawberry?" I pick the one with the richest color. "Oh Kitten. I`m not used to a meal anymore. I guess I`m already full". He is rubbing his belly. I put the strawberry in my own mouth. "But it was very thoughtful of you, thank you" I put the rest of the food back in the bag and lie down beside him. Breathing in the fresh air, watching the clouds passing us by.

Part 5 The next few days went by like a dream. All was well. The world I have known wasnt important anymore, who I was before him wasnt important anymore. All I know now is that Arthur an I love each other. He didnt had one single of his hurtful laughter going on, it feels like he can relax by my side. At night we slip under the blankets together, so close to each other that sometimes I´m not sure where my body ends and his body begins. His insomnia keeps getting better. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and takes his meds. But he always gets back to bed and falls asleep again with a smile on his face and his head on my chest, so I can feel his hot breath against my skin. So I know he`s there. Right beside me. We haven`t slept together since he lost his virginity but I know he wants it. He just needs some time to belive that I´m real, since he was hallucinating a lot in the past. Today he is still asleep as I wake up. I carefully slip out of bed so he won`t wake and grab a diary I bought myself yesterday. I already filled it with some thoughts I had while watching him sleep. Mostly desires and sexual fantasies. I was hiding it under the sheets because I had the feeling he would be overwhelmed by reading it. Or even think he isnt enough. Oh he is enough. Arthur is all I want. All I need to feel satisfied. The connection we had was so much more than sex. Sometimes it feels like we are one spirit. I like to think that I am a thought in his mind. His daydream. His fantasy. He told me about the daydreams with a woman he had before and I felt like he really loved her, even though in reality she was some kind of a stranger to him. His feeling for her still feeled real. And I really hope I`m a fantasy in his head,too. He definitaly is mine. Thats why I started creating this diary, so I can express all of my desires for him. I take a look beside me. He is stretching, about to wake up. I kiss his cheek "Good morning, my love". He is touching his forehead. I once again notice the frakles on the back of his hands.I am obsessed wit details. Especially when it comes to him. I wanna find every detail he has to offer. Body and soul. The more I see of him, the more beautiful he becomes. "Morning, Kitten" he says in a tired tone. "I had the most amazing dream". "You did?" "Yeah" "Tell me about it" He smirks His smirk always makes me all fuzzy inside. "Arthur" I playfully slap his arm "Tell me" He stands up and gets a shirt. He was sleepingin his underwear, I can see his cute, little buttcheesks peeking out. "Nahh.. I...I cant tell you that" he turns his face away from me but I can tell he is blushing. "Arthur, you`re blushing" I cant help but smile from cheek to cheek. He gets into his shirt and walks up to me. Sits down at the bed. "Thats because I dreamed that you handcuffed me and I was begging you to get on top of me, touching me. And I was like.... going crazy because I couldnt touch you but it felt so good and..." I`m watching his lips, saying these words and can`t belive what I just heard. He just described one of the fantasies I wrote in my diary. Did he read it when I was asleep? Did he find it? "Arthur?" "Huh?" "Did you... did you just read my diary?" "What diary?" I can tell by his face that he dont know about my book. "The book I filled with some of my fantasies about you" "You got a book with fantasies about me?" I guess I am the one blushing now. "I do... I mean I just bought it yesterday but... yeah." "Can I...can I read it?" his eyes lighten up. "Sure" I grab the diary and hand it to him with excitement as he starts reading the first page. He looks very serious and concetrated. But his eyes  are filled with joy. He reads all the filled pages. All the words I wrote about him. He reads it without saying a word. Then he puts the diary aside. "Kitten, you really wanna do all this stuff to me, huh?" I can feel myself getting nerveaus. "Oh god yeah, I really want to, Arthur" He leans towards me. I can feel his curls on my cheeks as he whispers in my ear "Do it then!"

My heart is racing as I heard his sweet voice saying this. "But where do we get the handcuffs from?" I chuckle Arthur leaves the room and comes back with.... a pair of... "Where did you get those from?" my eyes must be as big as his now. "Did you try it...." Arthur played with the cuffs  "No, no, no its not like that... I... " He hands me the handcuffs  "I stole them from Arkham hospital a year ago... don`t ask" . I`m nodding. I didnt knew he was in a mental hospital before. For a moment I realize there mustbe many things I dont know about him yet. I missed 35 years of his lfe, which makes me sad. I wish we could have met sooner. I stand up and let the handcuffs swing in front of his face "So... Mr. Fleck...you are arrested for being extremly attractive" we both have to laugh for a moment but it feels kinda serious as he gets in bed and spreads his arms, so I can tie him up.  I fix his hands and watch him getting excited. "Get out off your underwear" I take his underwear off and threw it  over my shoulders. He is lying on the bed. Trying to get into a nice position for me to top him. "What are you gonna do with me now?" he is almost whispering, his voice soft like a breath. "Let me show you" "Oh yeah, Kitten. Show me" "I`m gonna love every inch of your body. There wouldnt be a spot I´m leaving out. I want it all. And you can`t do nothing about it" Arthur is shaking a little, but just a little. Enough for me to notice it though. Cuz it feels like a soft vibration against my lips, which are discovering his tiney ankles. So thin and fragile. Like a porcelain doll. I put my hands around them to feel how tiney they are. I kiss his little toe, making my way up to his legs. I kiss every inch, every frackle, every spot and taste the different parts of his now trembling body. Soft moaning from his mouth. "I`m all yours, Kitten. i´m all yours. " I kiss the insides of his thighs. He is breathing heavier now. "Turn around" "What?" "Turn around Arthur. I want to see your butt" He turns around, his hands tied behind his back. My hands caress his cute, peachy butt. Grabbing his cheeks as he moans. I cover his butcheeks with kisses, let my hand wonder between his legs. Forward. He`s getting hard now. " "I see you enjoy it, Arthur?" He pushes his face against the pillow as my fingers play with his most sensitive parts. "I do...oh my god, Kitten. Please don`t stop! Keep on touching me like that!" I`m grabbing him and turn him around so he is on his back again. Kissing him where he is getting harder any second. My hands are all over his chest, his arms. My lips wondering all over his body. "This feels so good. I cannot take it anymore" "You have to" I press my lips against his neck and start to suck it. I can smell his hair. My left hand is in his curls, my right hand is reaching for his cock. I`m biting his neck. His breath is getting more and moreintense, his eyes are closed. Those eyelashes. I cannot take my eyes off of his eyelashes. Details. More details. I take a close look on his face while ´there is nothing but excitement. His face expression turns me on in a way I cant even describe it.  I try to contain the taste of his neck as I suck his skin till it turns blue. "You like that?" "Don`t stop. I am begging you.. " I let my tongue slide over the scar upon his lip. Its my fave part of his body. All his details deserve so much love. I can feel his lip twitching while my tongue is playing with it. I can feel my body screaming out for him to  fill me up. I change my position, he is opening his eyes, looking right into mine. "Fuck me, Kitten! Oh I need you hands to love me. I need your lips to kiss me like that. I want you so bad. Don`t you ever stop loving me like that" I get on top of him and take him all in. All the way inside. "I wish I could touch you" he moans. Waves of excitement all through his body I take the key and uncuff his hands while he is still inside of me. As soon as he is free his hands are pressing me against him, so hard I can barely move anymore. But it feels just right. He is pushing himself inside of me, his tongue in my mouth. The taste of cigarettes and passion. He is kissing my earlobes now, sucking them. I never felt more happiness in my lfe. Feeling his gentle movements inside of me. I swear I can hear him humming a song between his whispered moaning. "You feel me?" he says "Yeah" "You`re really here with me arent you, Kitten?" "I am" "Thisis not a dream. we`re one" "We are, Arthur." And as I know he feels the same. That we are one soul. One body. I explode with excitement. Just like him.

[screensirenfic]

Black Leather - Chapter 5

When Eleven had knocked on the door of my room at five in the morning; I’d half expected the typical complaint of a nightmare that had been so commonplace back when Sara was around.

To my surprise, she looked anything but spooked when I opened the door; eyes already wide and perky from an early start of kids TV.

“Happy Halloween.” She said; sounding more like an alien come to earth to learn our traditions, than any sincere well wisher, but I smiled anyway, because it was cute that the kid was trying to be normal.

“It’s four in the morning.” I stated; arms crossed across my chest despite the smile peaking on my face.

She just stared at me; brown eyes comically large as the Scooby Doo Theme filled the silence.

“Is there a reason you’re waking me up this early, or are you just being super prepared?” I asked; already aware that if I wanted to uncover the kids true intentions, I’d have to pull them from her like teeth.

“Costume.” She stated; the word seemingly unrelated if not for the worn bedsheet clutched in her fingertips.

I took it from her, inspecting the pulls of the threads and the discolouration of stains spread across the fabric.

“You know; usually people only wear costumes because they’re gonna go trick or treating or something...” I stated, still not quite understanding where she’d found a sheet that should’ve been thrown out years ago.

“I want to go trick or treating.” She stated; the sentence so broken that you could almost believe English was her second language.

I looked at her; those big brown eyes still staring up at me with all the conviction of a blood Hopper.

I really should say no. Dad would lose his shit if he thought for one minute she was going outside the cabin.

Still; there was no harm in indulging her, not really. And just maybe dad was having a good day this week; stranger things had happened.

——————————————————-

Springing Eleven’s costume on dad mid-breakfast prep probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but the longer I’d wait; the less chance the kid had of doing anything but watching Munster reruns for the rest of Halloween.

She looked cute in her little ghost costume; the whole homemade sheet thing looking very E.T., and judging by the way dad jumped at the sight of her; the classics still had some life left in them.

“Oh; Jesus!” He exclaimed, nearly dropping the hot pan he’d been frying bread on moments earlier.

“Ghost.” She said, repeating the word she’d heard on Scooby Doo mere hours ago.

“Yeah; I can see that...” He agreed; his voice already strained as he shovelled slightly burnt toast onto plates, and already I knew this was gonna be a hard sell.

“Cute; right?” I asked; hoping our shared affection for the kid might break down a few walls and put us on an even playing field.

He just mumbled in agreement, avoiding eye contact as he dumped the hot pan into a sink full of water; his lack of words a clear signal that no; he wasn’t willing to negotiate with us.

“Halloween.” Eleven stated to him; the word harder now than it had been with me, as if she’d already picked up on how exactly this conversation was going to go.

“Sure is...” Dad lilted; sarcasm dripping from the tone, because Hopper’s were nothing if not painfully dry in their sense of humour.

“But right now it’s breakfast; okay.” He continued; sounding overly patronising before returning to normal. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

“They wouldn’t see me.” Eleven petitioned;  already launching straight into negotiations with all guns blazing.

“Who wouldn’t see you?” Dad asked calmly as he made his way over to the kitchen table; already deciding he’d humour her for now.

“The bad men.” Eleven stated; the words coming across as painfully naive.

“What are you talking about?” Dad asked, scrunching up his brows as he sat down to eat.

“Trick or treat.” Eleven said; adding my words to her arsenal like they were bomb shells.

“Wait; what?” Dad asked; the reality of the exact type of negotiation he’d just been roped in on dawning upon him.

“I said I’d take her out trick or treating tonight...” I jumped in, hoping to save her from some of dad’s scorn when he inevitably blowed on us.

“Wait, wait, wait...” Dad interrupted me; already well versed in the ritual of Hopper to Hopper negotiation, and knowing I could hammer my point home harder than a home run.

“You said she could go trick or treating?” He spat the words like they were curses; bitter sounding and hard to pronounce.

“Yeah; I knew you wouldn’t let her go alone, and I figured you wouldn’t get back in time, so I thought...” I peddled in with my hastily rehearsed pitch, knowing that the more words I could cram in; the better chance I had of winning him over.

“Lola...” Dad got to his feet; disapproval dripping from his tone to match the frown on his face. “You both know the rules...”

I sighed, rolling my eyes because I already knew this battle was lost, but poor sweet naive El still had some fight in her.

“Yes, but...” She butted in; hope still bright in her eyes as she blocked dad’s path to the front door.

He was already resorting to the Hopper’s go to escape tactic when it came to emotional confrontation; all out denial.

“So you already know the answer...” He insisted, attempting to slide past her despite her superior agility.

“No, but they wouldn’t see me...” She continued, desperation peaking in her voice as she realised the moment dad walked out that door, it was game over.

“Come on, dad!” I petitioned, because really; this was petty even for him. The least he could do was let the kid loose once in a while.

“I don’t care!” Dad stated; anger rising up through his veneer of calm, his patience already worn thin.

“But they wouldn’t see me...” El continued to plead; tears breaking her voice slightly.

“I don’t care; alright?!” Dad insisted, crouching down to her meagre height so he could look her in the eyes.

“You go out there; Ghost or not, and it’s a risk.” Dad explained, and in any other situation it would seem sensible, if not for the overwhelming paranoia that led him to keep her trapped here all these months.

“And you...” Dad turned to me, pointing a damning finger like a proclamation of guilt. “You should know better.”

I rolled my eyes once more, because there was nothing more I could do; he’d already won.

“You go out there and I can’t protect you. Lola can’t protect you...” Dad stated with that same calm firm voice he’d used on me a hundred times before.

Eleven looked at him; eyes wide, but not as bright. She was already accepting defeat.

“Look; we don’t take risks, alright?” Dad continued, finally returning to his role as reasonable father, and not domineering patriach.

“They’re stupid, and...”

“We’re not stupid.” Eleven finished the sentence for him, repeating the mantra he’d drummed into her a thousand times before.

“Exactly.” Dad smiled, happy that he’d put down our little uprising without so much as a grounding.

“Now you go and take that shit off and sit down and eat. Your food’s getting cold...”

Eleven retreated into her room and I took that as my cue to leave, before dad’s attention finally turned to who he viewed as the instigator of this new push for independence.

I ducked across the room, grabbing my backpack and swiping my keys off the kitchen counter.

“Uh; where do you think you’re going?” Dad asked; easily slipping back into his scolding tone like a comfy pair of slippers.

“To school.” I stated blankly. I wasn’t about to have a shouting match now; not when I already had so much on my mind.

“Uh no; you get over here and sit down. We’ve got things to talk about.” Dad instructed, and as much as I’d like to disobey him and rush out that door; I knew it would only cause me more hassle in the long run.

So I strolled over to the kitchen table with a sigh, refusing point blank to sit down, because I wasn’t about to be that much of a pushover.

When dad realised I wasn’t going to relent; he launched straight into his interrogation, once more donning his Chief  of Police hat with unbridled force.

“Now where has all this crap about trick or treating come from?” He asked; his hands waving about incredulously, as if the whole situation astounded him.

“I thought you were meant to be going to a party?”

“I was, but I thought it might be better...” I pleaded my case, because I’d already planned this far and knew exactly what to say to appease him.

“Buh, buh, buh...” Dad interrupted; halting my Oscar worthy performance mid-flow.

“Since when did you decide this?” He asked; disapproval and suspicion blending between his words.

“I wasn’t even gonna go, but then Nancy was talking with Jonathan; and she was like ‘Don’t be such a bore.” And then Steve was all like ‘you gotta come”... and...” I began to spew, frustration bleeding into my tone, forcing my argument to turn into an opportunity to vent.

Dad held up his hand, stopping me mid gripe before asking “Lola; if this is about that boy again...”

“It’s not Dad!” I insisted, rolling my head back, because of course; he’d somehow make this about my personal issues.

“Jesus; can we just drop it?!”

Dad was about to snap back with something, when the sound of a door slamming drew both of our attention.

Eleven had emerged from her bedroom, sans bedsheet, and was marching over to the table with a face like thunder.

“Glad that you could join us; now if you could both sit down, so we can enjoy this lovely breakfast that I...” Dad began, resolved to play happy families once more, despite being the only one with a vested interest in it.

“I haven’t got time.” I interrupted, making my way over to the front door, because dad couldn’t throw Billy in my face after I confided in him, then expect me to play nice.

“Lola...” Dad called after me, but it was futile. I was already out the door with no intention of turning back.

That truly was the last time I’d let us discuss things like adults. If he wanted to treat me like the bratty teenager; I could act like the bratty teenager, starting with Tina’s party.

[pugoata]

Day 7 - Growing Old Together/Future

Nora was huge.

Blake could see Yang’s look of mild alarm, and squeezed her hand. But even her size couldn’t stop Nora. She took one look at them, squealed excitedly, and bustled over, and Blake had the vague impression that she and Yang were only pins to this red-headed bowling ball.

“It’s been so long!” Nora exclaimed, throwing her arms around both of them at once, her belly sliding between them as if the gap had been made for it. “I never see you anymore!”

“It is harder now that you haven’t been able to go on missions,” Blake replied, shooting Yang a smile. “We’ve been keeping up with your pictures, though.”

Nora laughed. “Well, I haven’t had much else to do other than take pictures. I’m thinking I should just quit huntressing altogether and just become a food photographer or something.”

As she talked, her hand moved to her stomach, settling there with idle protectiveness. New habits popped up with pregnancy, and that slight movement was familiar enough to Nora to be one of them. Yang’s eyes lingered on her hand just a bit too long, the gaze soft, and her hand twitched, though only Blake noticed that subtle shift. Before anyone else could, she snapped her attention back to Nora’s face with a relaxed smile.

“I somehow doubt that. You’re not good at sitting still.”

“And the pregnancy definitely hasn’t changed that,” Ren said with a sigh, coming up to them. “Good to see you.”

“Congratulations, dad,” Yang said, lightly punching his arm. “Thanks for inviting us.”

“Well, technically, it was Weiss who did that,” he corrected, gesturing with his head to where Weiss stood amid a gaggle of their friends. “She organized this whole thing.”

“She would,” Yang replied, amused. The formality of the invitations alone had led them to thinking that Weiss had played some role in the baby shower; the foil font, the embossing, all screamed Weiss. If it had been Nora’s doing, Blake figured there probably would have been more colors and more confetti. “She’s always loved anything that had to do with babies.”

“Ugh, well, once he’s born, she’s welcome to him. I’ve had enough of the heartburn.” Nora made a face, then leaned in. “And my tits feel like they’re gonna explode.”

Unexpectedly, Blake laughed, and though Yang smiled drolly, she didn’t join in. Again, Blake squeezed her hand.

“Well, I gotta make the rounds. We’ll catch up in a bit, okay?” Nora grinned at them, gave them one more belly-bumping hug, and marched off, a pronounced waddle in her step.

“Rounds,” Yang snorted, watching Nora go straight to the snacks. “Well, some things don’t change.”

“She woke me up in the middle of the night last week to make her a fruit salad,” Ren replied with a sigh. “And then she cried because there were blueberries in it.”

At this, Yang did laugh. “Other than that, everything’s going well?” Blake asked.

“The doctor says it’s a textbook pregnancy,” he replied, and a small smile curled on his lips. “But we’re both ready for him to come out. Nora’s just about had enough with being pregnant.”

“I could see that,” Blake murmured.

“So, you’re ready?” Yang repeated, almost skeptical. “I didn’t know that was a thing.”

“Probably not.” Ren laughed. “I don’t think we could ever be as ready as we’d want to be. But the love’s ready, and that’s the most important part. We’ll figure the rest out as we go.”

“You make it sound easy.” Blake’s words were light, but a touch dry. Yang, sensitive to her tones, looked up at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, it can’t be any harder than taking down an evil, immortal queen.” Ren chuckled at his own joke. “It hasn’t been easy, and it’s only going to get harder once the baby’s here, but it’s not really different than fighting on a team. We’ll work together and we’ll flourish, just like we’ve always done.”

Ren’s words were so calm, so confident, that Blake couldn’t help but feel a little more at ease. He’d always been the sensible one, and he wouldn’t say something he didn’t mean. It was steadying, in a way, even though he didn’t know it.

“Oh, we brought this.” Blake held up the gift bag, decorated with pastel animals. “Where should we put it?”

“Oh, thank you. Weiss has a table set up for gifts, but I can take it there. I need to greet a few more people, anyway.” He smiled again as he took the bag. “I’m so glad you could come.”

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Yang gave him one more light punch on the arm. “Dad.”

After he set off down the hall, Blake and Yang moved across the living room, hand in hand. Most of the people here were ones they recognized; Ruby, Weiss, Jaune and his date, Oscar, and, outside by the pool, the entirety of Team CFVY. Other huntsmen, too, more acquaintances than friends to Blake and Yang, milled around, making smalltalk. For not having any blood family, Nora and Ren had filled their house with family of their own making.

“I hope Weiss isn’t going to make us do any of those stupid baby shower games,” Blake commented as she dug around in a tub of drinks and ice. She grabbed a cider for herself. “Want anything to drink?”

“Just a water. Thanks, babe.” She took it, though she didn’t uncap it yet. She scanned the crowd, looking for other people she recognized. “Oh, hey, Saph! Gods, Adrian, how old are you now?”

Blake sat back, letting Yang take the reins on the conversations. Even now, Yang could carry on like nothing was different. She still spoke just as naturally with others, still laughed in the same way. Really, it had only when she’d spoken to Nora that Blake had seen some of her anxiety poke through. While they had talked, Yang had lifted a hand inward, making as if to touch her own stomach in the comfortable way Nora had done. Just as quickly, Yang’s hand had settled back by her side, nothing different.

As Yang talked, Blake put together a small plate of crackers, deli meats, and the blander cheeses. Anything smellier than cheddar was bound to make Yang’s stomach roil, and they wouldn’t risk that at the party. Blake gave a regretful look to the wedge of Roquefort cheese before making her way back to Yang.

“Hungry?” she asked Yang, holding up the plate.

“You know it!” With a final nod to the Cotta-Arcs, they wove their way through the other guests, making their way outside. “God, I’m hungry.”

“And we just ate lunch.”

“So?” Yang plopped herself onto a chair by the patio table, giving a brief wave to Coco and the others before zeroing in on her food. “Well, at least I’ve got a reason for it. Ruby has no excuse. Did you see her shoving that whole cupcake in her mouth? She’s gonna choke.”

Blake took the chair beside her, content to watch as Yang piled cheese and pepperoni on one of the crackers. She was one to talk about choking, she thought, amused, as Yang popped the whole thing in her mouth.

“So? Is it weird for you?” Yang asked when she’d finished chewing. Already, she was making up another cracker.

“For?”

Yang looked over her shoulder at Team CFVY and lowered her voice. “You sounded a little nervous when we were talking to Ren.”

“Oh.” Blake shrugged. “Well… I don’t know. You know how I am.”

Smiling, Yang nodded and bit into her cracker. She chewed it thoughtfully, then swallowed. “It’s all right to be nervous. Hell, seeing Nora like that makes me nervous. Am I gonna be that big?”

“You could be twice that size and still be beautiful,” Blake teased, propping her elbow on the table and resting her chin in her hand. “Seriously.”

“You have to say that ‘cause we’re married.” Yang laughed. “But, still. It looks uncomfortable, and she’s still got another month. I can’t even imagine--”

“You were the one who wanted to carry,” Blake pointed out.

“I know, I know. I’m just teasing. I’m not changing my mind or anything.”

“Good, since you can’t.”

With a wicked grin, Yang placed a daring palm against her abdomen, finally giving in to that tempting touch. Her back was to Team CFVY, so nobody else was there to question her. Still, Blake looked around worriedly. Someone else’s baby shower would be a bad time to announce their own pregnancy, and it was still early enough that they didn’t want to publicize the news yet.

“So?” Yang asked softly. “In a few months, we’ll be having a baby shower of our own.”

“And Weiss will be begging to emboss the invitations.”

At this, Yang laughed, loud enough to draw the attention of Team CFVY. Fortunately, she’d taken her hand off her stomach, and when Coco looked at them over her shades, there was only amusement, not suspicion.

“Something funny, Xiao Long?” Coco called.

“Oh, we’re just laughing at Weiss’s expense again.” Yang waved her hand dismissively. Coco rolled her eyes and pushed her sunglasses back up.

“Just like every other day.”

Yang snorted at this, then turned back to her food. Blake nabbed a cracker and nibbled on it. They ate in silence for a few minutes, the music and the chatter of the party inside comfortably dull. She knew they’d have to go in at some point, to face Ruby and Weiss and deal with whatever party games they were forced to play, but for now, they could enjoy the peace and sunshine. For just these few minutes, it was only them.

“Yang?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we’re ready?”

Yang’s brows quirked at the question as she swallowed her last bite of crackers. “Well,” she said slowly, “I don’t think we would’ve gone through it if we weren’t.”

Despite her anxiety, Blake smiled. “Oh, I know. It’s just… Seeing them, in there… it’s different. Like... it wasn’t real before. But seeing them… I’m starting to see it now.”

“I know what you mean.” Yang’s smile was gentle. “It’s easy to envision it one way, but seeing it in person really makes you nervous about it. I mean, when Nora said that thing about her boobs--”

Blake laughed, which Yang had seemed to be going for. Her smile brightened. “But like Ren was saying… we’re a team. And as a team, we can handle whatever life throws at us. Even if our baby acts like a little Ursa sometimes, it’s something I know we can manage. Even on our hardest days, there’ll always be love. That’ll get us through.”

“Yeah.” Blake’s mouth had gone dry, but she leaned in anyway, brushing a kiss against Yang’s lips. “There’ll always be love.”

With a quick glance at CFVY, Blake slipped a hand onto Yang’s stomach. For now, her abs were still tight and sculpted. There was no sign of life underneath them, though she knew that would change. They’d listened to the heartbeat at their first appointment, that strange new sound that would soon bring a different kind of purpose to their lives.

For the brief time they’d been able to hear it, Blake could almost see the future. With the sound of that heartbeat in her ears, she could envision Yang months from now, sweaty and exhausted, bringing their child into the world. She could imagine holding this child-- their child-- in their arms, rocking them to sleep, reading them books, watching them grow...

But for now, Yang’s stomach kept the truth hidden. For now, their baby was little more than a new thought. For now, it was a secret for them alone.

“We should probably go in,” Blake finally said, dragging her hand away from that growing life. “Be good guests, or whatever.”

“So overrated,” Yang said, with a sigh, pushing her chair back. “At least we can take notes of what we don’t want Weiss to do, right?”

“Right.” Blake laughed. Yang gave her another kiss, then led her back into the house, and they readied themselves against the excitement and bubbly happiness that the baby shower would bring. Soon, that same happiness would be theirs. Still holding her hand, Yang looked back at her, her smile open and bright.

Scratch that.

It already was.

[spookyspaghetti-hcs]

Wedding fic- Made by Lil, helper!

Today was the day, Brian was gonna marry the man of his dreams, Timothy Wright.

He was looking at himself, the mirror showing him from head-to-toe, He was wearing a white three piece suit, black shoes and a black bowtie, His hair was smoothed back and he smelled heavily of cologne, Jessica, Amy, Jane and Nina were there with him, They all had on similar white dresses that hugged their curves perfectly, black lacy sashes and white rose designs in the hips, Jane was an exception with a white rose on her shoulder seeing as she was the maid of honor, Her and Brian were quite close, She was one of his best friends and practically called the role before Brian even offered it to her.

“You look amazing, Brian.” Jane said reassuringly, Noticing him fidgeting with his bowtie and gloves, He seemed to calm down slightly, letting out a deep breath “Yeah, I know” he replied, flashing a charming smirk her way “I’m just- nervous, really nervous.” This time, Nina was the one to speak “Don’t worry, everything will be completely fine, don’t overthink it.” She clasped a hand on his shoulder “You’re just getting wedding jitters, happens all the time. You’ve just gotta stay positive!” Brian exhaled once more, straightening out his suit “Yeah- Yeah, you’re totally right, There’s nothing to worry about. Hopefully.”

As for Tim, He, Jay, Toby, Jeff and Alex were still getting ready, Tim had on a black suit, black shirt and a white tie. Jay, Toby and Jeff were all groomsmen and surprisingly enough; Alex was the best man, The two of them began to become quite good friends after they set what happened aside although they do still fight and get on each others nerves, All of them had on black tuxes with quite obnoxious red rose pins.

"It’s gonna be fine, It’s gonna be fine.” Tim kept repeating to himself, pacing around as he tried to calm his nerves, he was failing miserably and sweating bullets, Alex noticed quite quickly “Chill out, It’ll all be good, man.” he said, brushing his own hair back, “I know that!” Tim quickly snapped back “I just- I can’t help it.”

He remembers the day he proposed to Brian, The weather was lovely, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining down on them as they sat on the grass, Brian was pre-occupied with a half-finished daisy chain and Tim was re-hearsing everything he planned to say in his head. “So- Um, Brian?” He started awkwardly, he was fidgeting with his sleeves and his eyes darted everywhere “What’s up, Buddy?” He took in a deep breath, turned to face Brian and propped himself on one knee

"Brian, I’m quite sure I’ve loved you since the day we met and everyday since then you’ve made me a happier, better man. I always feel close to you and I love knowing I have a future with you. I’ll always be with you, Through the good and the bad and the ugly, I want to grow old with you, I love you so much-” He reached into his back pocket, pulling out a little black box and opening it to reveal a gorgeous diamond ring “Will you marry me?”

He remembers seeing how happy Brian was as he flung himself into his arms, Crying “Yes” over and over again-

“Yo, Tim, Are you in there, bud?” Jeff’s raspy voice snapped him back into reality as he waved a hand in his face “Right, He’s back on planet Earth, guys”

“I know you’re nervous man, I’ve been there.” Alex said, shooting a glance towards Jay who was currently trying to tie his own tie, it wasn’t going very well “But if you overthink, you’ll fuck up. So like, Don’t do that.” Tim shook his head, As bad as Alex was at giving advice, He was strangely encouraging. “Yeah, Okay, It’s all gonna be fine. Try not to burn anything down this time though, Alex.” Jay snorted in the background, Earning himself a glare from his husband.

-

Soon, the wedding was in full swing, Sally and BEN walked as the flower girl and the ring bearer, Both were grinning like mad, After them came the pairs; Jessica and Jay Nina and Jeff Amy and Alex And lastly, Jane and Toby. They all took their places on both sides of the Alter, Tim was already there, waiting anxiously for Brian to walk down the aisle, He couldn’t wait to see him after a day of not running into him at all, Suddenly the music started and the guests rose from their seats. Brian walked down the aisle with his red ad white rose bouquet next to The Slenderman, He had offered to walk him down seeing as he didnt have any family to do it, That nearly brought Brian to tears.

Tim could only gape in amazement at how stunning his groom looked, He looked like an angel Tim swore he could’ve fainted when Brian finally reached him, He gently took his hands, Looking him in the eyes with utmost love and adoration and Brian did the same, The priest started but they really couldn’t hear him as everything around them faded out, Tim could not take his eyes off of Brian ‘You look- beautiful.“ he mouthed in awe and Brian flashed one of his infamous grins his way, Melting Tim’s heart on the spot, The priest cleared his throat ’'Ahem, I said- You may now say your vows.”

Tim flushed red, embarrassed but went first “Words can not say how glad I am to have met you, You are my best friend and soulmate. You’re sweet, smart, brave, beautiful and that list just goes on, But we’d be here for years if I tried to finish it. You’ve put up with me through everything and I canot imagine my life without you. Brian, I love you more than anything.” By the time he finished, Brian had tears in his eyes and could barely start his sentence “Aw, Tim. The day I met you, Life has been a constant adventure, Filled with so much joy and complete craziness but I regret nothing, not even the bad times, you were always my ray of hope and you’ve made me feel so strong even when everyone said I was weak, I love you with all my heart, Timothy. I can’t imagine my life without ever knowing you.” Tim had a big, goofy smile on his face by the time Brian had finished and, believe it or not, tears began to fall from his eyes and he reached over to entertwine their fingers, squeezing the others hand. “And now, the rings”

BEN brought the rings up to them and they both put one on each others fingers, sharing a tender smile. “Do you, Timothy Wright, take Brian Thomas to be your lawfully wedded Husband? To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?” “Duh.” Tim answered, earning some laughs from the crowd, The priest repeated the question to Brian, Who in turn replied “Of course, I do.” “Well then, By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom.” “Oh, you don’t have to tell me twice.” Tim smirked, Sweeping Brian into a passionate kiss, The crowd erupted in cheers, whistles and congratulations to the very happy newly weds.

Mod Kenshi note: And we have our first request filled by a helper! You can find out more about Lil, including her main & her creepypasta blog on spooky unrelated, so go check her out! Anyways, any of y'all remember this prompt from, what August? For our 100 follower fic give away?

[lunebinnie]

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… 😂

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

[queen-of-hearts92]

Revue Starlight 4: Where in Tokyo is Hikari Kagura?

BANANA, IN PAJAMAS, IS VERY BANA-NICE! 

For the previous episode go here!

To go to the start of these posts, go to the Prelude!

Sup everyone, this week we have a what is known as a breather episode. It’s a break to get to know everyone more pretty much! But it was still a good time! Like wow, even the breather episodes are fascinating! Ok! Here we go!

Quick note: I discovered Claudine’s nickname is Kuro, given by Karen it sounds like, so I’ll probably use that from time to time. So Kuro=Claudine, now you know and won’t be confused when I call her that being like “who the fuck is Kuro?”. Odd her image color is orange but her nickname means black and theres no orange on her stage outfit. Eh, whatever.

>Guess who watched the stage play?

Recently I decided to go ahead and watch the stage play, it was a chinese sub (I’ll link ya to it if you like, just message me) so while I couldn’t gather a ton of info I did gather some interesting shit. First off, the stage play story and the anime story are quite different from each other as far as I could tell. So don’t worry too much about spoilers, the show is very quick and compressed pacing wise for example. Ok so first off, remember the mystery names in the cast list on the bottom of the fan translated website? In the stage show there are three teachers overseeing the fights, I only know one of their names so the other two I’ll call Red Jacket and Yellow Sweater.

Red Jacket seems to be a gym teacher of sorts, Yellow Sweater is a music teacher. Yellow Sweater dislikes the fights right away while Red Jacket gradually gets more and more uncomfortable with the kids fighting. The third teacher is the most important one, she’s in charge (might be the headmaster of the school) and orchestrating the whole thing. Her name is Souda Haseda, the girls call her “Souda-sensei”, and I really think its very likely she is going to be in the anime. So we are probably gonna get a face to the system! Good, this will be exciting!

Second thing here, in the stage version it seems like the audition duels magically jack up the girl’s aggression and worst possible traits A LOT. This way they fight each other and its, wild. You can break out of the influences but man does it hit hard! Examples being Maya being really bloodthirsty (my curiosity of the play started cause I saw a screenshot of her stabbing Claudine, don’t worry Claudine is fine its not really mentioned or has consequences as far as I can tell), Nana’s aggression is fuckin nuts, and Hikari starts taunting her opponents and during a fight with Mahiru she knocks Mahiru the fuck out! Like holyyy shit Hikari!

And they snap out of this blinding rage when the duel ends but the winners go right back into it once their next duel starts. Like when Maya beats Kuro she isn’t happy, no. She’s upset and has this look on her face that says “I won but at what cost?”. And then the next fight she’s right back into stabby time. I’m not describing everything cause you could see it for yourself but wow man. I actually don’t think any of this stuff about the auditions will be true in the anime but I think the underground stage is probably set up to egg everyone on into wanting to fight each other. Yikes.

-The word Kirin was used in the musical, and I think it was referring to the mythical animal. I’m thinking I’m right about my theory of what Giraffe is! But there's still a lingering question, if Kirins are supposed to be beings of good luck and fortune why is there one associated with a game of misery and conflict? Hm. The mystery continues.

--Also btw, I tried to see if Souda-sensei’s name meant anything but I couldn’t get anything to make any sense. All I know is her name involves running and feathers and maybe camels and gauze or something silky? I got running away/escaping, going fast. Idk, it’s this 走駝紗羽 (and I’m pretty positive her name is written this way) if anyone wants to give it a go themselves. I’m not an expert at all so maybe you’ll find something I missed.

Alrighty that’s all I gotta say on the play! Glad I watched it, still don’t know what’s gonna happen in the anime tho lol. Yay surprises!

>*Carmen Sandiago theme intensifies as the ep summary starts up*

The episode starts with baby! Hikari and Karen watching the Starlight play. The roles are filled by all the girls doing a repeat of the stairs from episode one. Teen! Hikari and Karen are playing the two goddesses, just like we saw Maya and Claudine do in the flashback last episode. The pink star shines brightly as it did last time we saw this play.

Y’ALL I ALREADY WARNED YOU ABOUT THOSE STAIRS!

After Hikari and Karen’s characters reach for the star, they are each on a raised platform. And then, THEN THE STAR BLASTS KAREN’S CHARACTER IN THE FACE AND SHE DIES. Yeah. Anyways Karen’s platform goes down while Hikari’s goes up and sand rains down from the sky onto Hikari’s character who is crying. Notably the tower that held the star is empty.

Twinkle twinkle little star, IT WILL UNLEASH THE WRATH OF GOD!

Now we are in the present, its the next day. Karen wakes up and notices Hikari isn’t there. So she proceeds to run around the dorm barging into all the rooms looking for Hikari. She wakes up Nana and Junna, looks around the bathing room while Maya is there, and startles Claudine into speaking French while she was looking at photos of Maya dancing on her tablet….Which is for researching Maya’s dancing of course, and for no other reason even though she hides her tablet screen so Karen can’t see the photos. Research purposes only!

After this show is done I might do a best screenshot compilation post. This will be one of them, it’s priceless.

We then go to the living room where we find out Karen woke up Futaba and Kaoruko and the two are on the couch looking very sleepy. Everyone else is also there and being like “God dammit Karen, she’s been doing this all morning!”. Karen runs into the living room, sad she didn’t find Hikari anywhere in the dorm. Nana asks if Karen tried calling her and Karen is like oooh yeah phones are a thing. She thanks Nana by combining her nickname with the word nice getting the amazing phrase “Bana-nice” and floofing Nana’s pigtails. Nana likes this. 

Karen calls Hikari and asks where the fuck she is, Hikari doesn’t say anything but Karen can hear a train station and is like “wtf are you off campus?! You need a notice! Curfew is at 6!” but Hikari hangs up. Karen decides to go and find her. All the girls (including sleepy Kaoruko draped over her gf like a sloth) follow Karen to the door. Futaba is like uh are you gonna get a notice? Junna reminds Karen it's her turn to clean the hallways. Karen is like, sorry I gotta go find Hikari! Karen runs to the train station but no Hikari. She sends Hikari a text and Hikari response with the best emote known to man. And no translation needed honestly.

Hikari won’t hesitate bitch!

Eventually Hikari sends a picture of herself in front of a, blurry blob. Karen guesses a rock climbing wall, its wrong. Karen runs around and asks a little girl what she think it is and the girl thinks its jellyfish. Karen runs to a aquarium, its the wrong one. Hikari sends another jellyfish picture and Karen races out to the train. Btw Hikari has her roller suitcase with her the entire time. Anyways, Hikari is in another aquarium but Karen is tired so she sits in a train station. Hikari then finally texts words instead of jellyfish photos, she asks why did you lose. Karen replies saying that Maya and her aren’t on the same stage (as in she means Maya is much stronger than her), if you could even call it a stage that is. Hikari calls her an idiot. Karen then asks well what should she have done then?! Hikari responses with, I don’t know. She wonders what should they do. Karen decides to call her and this time Hikari picks up and responds! She asks if Karen remembers “their Starlight”.

Back on campus, Futaba and Kaoruko are chilling in a training room. Kaoruko complains about having to wear school uniforms/school wear while in the school building. She then brings up the audition duels, she is surprised Futaba is in them and didn’t talk to her about doing that. She wonders if the prize of being Top Star is real. Kaoruko says “aw man that means we gotta fight one day, but you’ll let me win right?”, Futaba doesn’t give an answer. Instead she slides Kaoruko off of her lap. This is fine. Just fine.

Anywho Kaoruko is then like, I got an idea! She starts skipping towards the teacher’s office with Futaba right behind her. Yeah she’s gonna go tattle on Karen and Hikari being off campus without permission cause then less rivals for Top Star, don’t ever trust the sleepy ones you guys. Luckily Mahiru stops them in their tracks saying she’s the goddess of the hallway while pointing with and spinning her baton. Mahiru says she senses wicked intent from them, and figures out Kaoruko’s plan right away and does a great impression of her. Kaoruko tries to be like “uhhh no we weren't gonna. Do anything like that.” Mahiru then aggressively spins her baton at them until they run away. Mahiru then dramatically laments that she’s jealous that Karen was chasing Hikari and not her.

ALL HAIL THE HALLWAY GODDESS! PROTECTOR OF THE IDIOTS!

Back with Karen and Hikari, Karen is like ofc I remember our promise! Then the two have a long much needed catching up talk while they individually wander around Tokyo for the rest of the day. Eventually Karen talks about how much she loves the stage and wants to go even higher, hence she’ll keep doing the audition duels. Finally, at night, the two meet in person at the lit up Tokyo Tower.

Meanwhile, we go to Claudine practicing dance. She’s been doing so for awhile. Maya then comes the fuck in and asks if she wanted to dance with her. They turn on sweet jazzy music and they dance. Maya comments that Claudine seems all psyched up again and Claudine says that Maya tends to fire her up and Maya is like “orly? Cool” (Maya don’t be coy you already knew that). Claudine asks “So, why the hell are you even IN the auditions in the first place? It’s not like you need em, you’re already take center stage with everything!” Maya playfully says she gets jealous is all. They finish their dance with Maya dipping Claudine, she says the idea of anyone having the Top Star besides herself makes her very jealous. What Maya is really saying is she wants Claudine to challenge her and try to take the Top Star, Claudine smiles and calls her greedy. Challenge accepted.

Maya is NOT subtle with her crush at all, it’s amazing. 

Back with Karen and Hikari, they try to go to the aquarium that’s under the tower but sadly its closed for maintenance. The two sit in a park nearby the tower, Karen is like “its okay we can always come together here again!” Hikari then finally talks about the audition duels. She says if you lose too many times and get booted out, you will lose the most important thing to a Stage Girl. Damn. 

Karen is like ooohh that's why you locked me in a shed, but she points out that not going to the duel meant she’d lose by default and Hikari very obviously didn’t think of that. Karen, running up a slide, is like Hikari don’t worry I won’t lose anymore! She’s gonna be shining! She will shine with Hikari! Hikari points out there's only one Top Star and Karen is like uh Giraffe never said there couldn’t be two! Not a bad point. Hikari is like dude thats not gonna happen but Karen is like let’s try anyways. Hikari is like, ok. And joins her on the top of the slide. They stand together holding hands, the tower glowing softly nearby.

They say if a couple witnesses the turning off of Tokyo Tower’s lights at night, they will stay together forever......uh. It’s still on. Uh oh.

Meanwhile at the dorms, their teacher is checking if all of them are there so the girls gotta cover for Karen and Hikari. When their teacher checks the room, Mahiru is like oh they tired so they went to bed early. Kaoruko and Futaba are being body doubles in Karen and Hikari’s bed. However because they didn’t use pillows like most kids in media do, now Kaoruko and Futaba’s room is being checked and they ain’t there. Everyone is thinking fffucck. 

So, to allow the gfs to sneak back to their room, Maya and Claudine join in to help their dumbass friends/floormates. Claudine’s brilliant idea is to stage faint and start rambling random words in French, Maya catches her and is like “oh nooo. She fainted!” the teacher runs over asking what happened and Maya says, what's most likely the first thing that popped up in her head, “She’s got, stage fright!!” I’m. You guys.

Anyways, Futaba and Kaoruko sneaked back to their room door while the teacher’s back was turned. The teacher turns around and sees them by their door. Maya very quietly asks Claudine how long she was gonna lay there rambling in French, so Claudine springs up and is like “HEY I’M FINE NOW!” The teacher is like, well alrighty then. After she leaves, Nana is like “wow i’ve never done that before….but Bana-nice!” Junna is like let’s NEVER do this again.

This goes to show. Top of the class or not, teenagers are teenagers.

The next morning, Mahiru is waiting on the stairs in front of the dorm and sleeping. She wakes up and sees Karen and Hikari walking towards the dorm. She’s like YAY THEY’RE BACK! Junna and Nana come outside while everyone else looks out their windows. Junna is like “WTF What were you two thinking?!” Turns out they ran out of money so they couldn’t take the train back, oops. Karen is like, it’s cool we got back at 6. Junna groans and is like 6PM not AM! Junna scolds them and Nana says Junna did Karen’s cleaning duties for her, Junna blushes. Karen gets emotional, apologizes, and hugs Junna, much to Mahiru’s dismay. 

Then, because these useless lesbians were outside shouting about covering for Karen and Hikari, the teacher rides by on her bike and is like Karen and Hikari come to the office later and bring all those who covered for you too. Yeah she found out, oops. She says they will get “the legendary punishment” and rides away. Junna is like fffffffffuck I’ve heard horrible things about that! Rumor has it that it has caused students to leave the school all together! Karen is like, fuck. Uh, it’s fine! We’re all in this together. Junna is dying squirtle. 

But, she says she’s glad they are safe. Then all the girls tell them “Welcome back”! Hikari is obviously touched by this. The girls go back inside for breakfast. Hikari puts her new stuffed jellyfish next to her bear and the episode ends with the ending theme being sung by both Hikari and Karen.

Let’s face it, getting the jellyfish alone was worth going out for!

>Even the breather episodes have a lot going on!

-Odd to mention now I know, but I love how they draw bangs in the show! They so flippy and cute!

-Also fun fact, the white bear Hikari has everywhere is an in universe mascot character called Mr. White. Hikari loves this mascot so much its on her stage uniform!

-So Hikari straight up leaves the dorms this episode and I think the reason is this, she realized Karen only auditioned cause she was there. If she wasn’t there Karen would’ve never auditioned, so her quest was doomed from the get go. So she leaves hoping Karen would now stop dueling since she isn’t there. But what Hikari underestimated was how much Karen cares about her, she didn’t expect Karen to call her or go looking for her. Hikari at this point is at a loss of what to do, the reason why she came in the first place was a failure. Hence she wanders looking at jellyfish, avoiding Karen since she didn’t want to admit how she felt and that she fucked up. But Karen got it out of her via texting and they finally spoke extensively to each other. This was a good step for them! Looks like Karen convinced Hikari, for the time being, of getting Top Star together!

But is it really such a good idea?...Dunno yet.

-I love that sleepy Kaoruko just drapes herself onto Futaba like Futaba is a big old pillow and she is a sleepy sloth. Very cute girlfriends. Though, there was very strong foreshadowing here that their relationship will be strained thanks to the duels. Futaba isn’t going to just let her win, her silence after Kaoruko asks her that just proves it. Good luck dear lesbians.

-I can’t believe Claudine “I keep photos of Maya dancing on my tablet just for observing her dancing and not because I think she’s hot or anything. JUST FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES!” Saijo is fucking canon. I made a joke of that nature in my last post but then this really happened! I’m SO pleased. Also Karen startled her so much she reverts to speaking French lol. Kuro is the living embodiment of the “600 photos fly out of pockets” meme I swear. I really like her, she’s great!

-Nana’s reaction to Karen fluffing her pigtails was very cute. She is very cute.

-Junna with her hair down is very cute yes but oh man this screenshot of her being startled awake is the funniest fucking thing oh my god. I can’t decide if she was dreaming of titty or if she was ready scratch the face off of whoever came into her room lol.

-I love how comfortable the 8 girls are with each other? Like not all of them are best friends or anything they are just used to living with each other, I assume they’ve been living with each other since their 1st year. And yeah you just kinda get used to any weird shit your floor mates do. We got a good look at that this episode. Karen is running around looking for Hikari and she’s comfortable with everyone enough to barge into people’s rooms and any other room and be like “HAVEYOUSEENHIKARIISSHEINHERE?!”. Also it is funny seeing Karen burst into every room in the dorm like that. She even startled Maya lol. Karen pls.

It kinda gives me flashbacks to when I was in theater and summer camp lol, er not the running into the bathroom while someone was there part tho.

--Also Karen, why do you keep looking under places that Hikari can’t possibly fit or hide in? Unless Hikari is a cat, if she can get her head through she can get in. Maybe, she is a cat. *X Files music*.

-Being Mahiru is still suffering. Like damn it’s suffering! Karen didn’t even really talk to her getting back from the big city. She looks so sad when Karen hugs Junna and not her. OUCH. Currently I’m putting my bets on us losing Mahiru first, she’s the odd man out and that would hurt Karen greatly and up the stakes a lot. Either way it’s only a matter of time b4 she mcfreakin loses it now, and judging by some episode five screenshot teaser that might come soon. SPEAKING OF WHICH!

--THIS. OK. WHAT. IS. THAT. WHITE. THING?! IT HAS AN EYE?! AAAAA?! Is it a prop?! Is it real?! Is it a lovecraftian horror?! What?! Whatcha got in store for us episode 5?! I’m excited and scared at the same time.

-What’s very interesting is that Karen wasn’t sleepy or tired this episode even though it’s post duel. I’m thinking her drive to find Hikari overrode everything else, amazing. The power of gay love!

-When Claudine suddenly dropped to the ground, for a hot second I was like WHAT IS SHE OK but then I realized it was a distraction. Shout out to Maya for just going with it, catching her and everything. Also well well Kuro it looks like you trust Maya enough to catch ya when you stage faint. :3c 

Anywho what cracked me up the most was how slapped together their distraction was, like you guys you’ve been actresses for awhile now and this is the best you can do? Guess they aren’t one for improv lol. I’m honestly glad it went this dumb cause it goes to show that even the top students are still teens, covering for their idiot friends/floormates. I am also happy they took part in this hairbrained scheme, I’ll say more about this later.

-Hikari says when you get booted out of the duels you “lose the most important thing to a stage girl”. Well that’s really vague Hikari. Either she is still withholding information OR that is all she knows. I got the impression in the stage play she was Souda-sensei’s spy/agent to get people to fight, can’t say if that’s true here though.

-Kaoruko omg. I knew she had a secret mean streak but wowww. The good news is she isn’t very sneaky about it, nor is her girlfriend, so Mahiru easily stopped that shit in its track. I still love her though, Sailor Neptune's spirit lives on and is as passive aggressive as ever!

-The Venus de Milo statue didn’t pop up this episode, but that’s likely cause we weren’t on campus very much this time. The pink light was still everywhere like usual though. Also we learned the school has free practice days! That’s neat.

-Hey Maya, I don’t think saying ominous things about the audition duels while dancing is how you flirt with a girl. Granted it looks like it worked? Weirdos. And I told ya guys, Maya really loves dancing with her. She went out her way to do so this episode! Also good to know Maya always smiles at her when they dance even if no one else is watching so her smiling isn’t performative. And man, I’ve noticed Maya seeks out Kuro and only Kuro instead of hanging out with anyone else. That girl has got it bad. 

--Maya hun, did you learn all your flirting tactics from the theater? I think she did, amazing.

-Honestly I’m loving Kuro and Maya’s dynamic more and more each episode, they are actually really adorable? Kuro is in deep denial while Maya is like “That’s ok, take your time. :)”. In the meantime she’s here to impress and think “She’s so pretty when she fights and when she dances and when she-” and so on and so forth. 

However like with everyone else’s relationships, their relationship is going to end up strained thanks to the audition duels. Right now, Maya very firmly believes that being a Top Star means being alone. Throwing everything and everyone away, no matter what. But that begs the question, how will she handle it when it’s Kuro’s time to get booted (I think Maya and Karen will be the last ones standing)? I don’t mean just losing, being kicked out of the duels all together.

If my theory on radiance aka ability to perform on the stage is the thing taken is correct, than that means Maya can’t dance with her or see her fiery passion for the theater anymore after she’s kicked out. When that time comes, will she really be ok with leaving Kuro with nothing and standing alone? Ha ha, what if Maya knows they have limited time together so she’s trying to have as much time as she can? Ahaha...oh I just made myself sad.

-Speaking of Maya and Kuro, those two are a lot different than I expected. Way nicer and for sure not so above it all. They are just teenagers like the rest of them. I really love how different Maya is off the stage, when fighting/on stage she is very intimidating and seems all powerful. But when not she is, very respected and talented yes, but she is just another girl in their class. Maya isn’t an asshole to her classmates like you’d expect most characters like her to do, and like I said she obviously enjoys dancing with Kuro even though they are rivals.

Kuro on the other hand could’ve been like your average rich bitch character but nope! She's actually very chill and playful with everyone not named Tendou Maya, hell she even has a nickname, all of her intensity goes towards Maya instead. And ofc her deep denial about how she feels about Maya. It's very fascinating and I love it, I love them. They could’ve easily been the stock popular snobs/jerks but they aren’t, they are much deeper than that. And that’s wonderful!

-How odd that Claudine is asking Maya why she’s even in the underground duels and says that Maya “doesn’t need them”. So does that mean these fights are for girls who are desperate to get to the top and feel there’s no other way? If so, then why is Maya there? Maya herself doesn’t give an actual answer. Hm.

-The curfew for the dorms is 6pm apparently but the duels obviously go way past that time and into the night. So there’s at least two possibilities here. One, the school is very much in on it so the curfew is null and void for the girls who fight that night. Or two, the dueling does indeed take place in a dream world or dreamlike world. The question is when do the girls enter it? How does the elevator work then? Do their real bodies go with them? Are they just teleported back into their beds afterwards? Or a mix of both, school is in on it and there’s some magic shit going on? Like the school knows but the audition duels are in a dreamlike place is what I mean. HM. There is so much we don’t know about the duels honestly. What are they hiding? And, how much do the Stage Girls really know?

--I’m thinking that it’s likely the duels are taking place in a dreamlike world, that would line up with Karen waking up in bed after them and line up with the girls being tired the next day. However I must point out that even if the audition duels do take place in a dreamlike world, it doesn’t make it less real. No the experience is very real it just takes place in a dreamlike reality (think like in the movies Inception or Paprika). The Stage Girls remember the duels and no these aren’t just normal auditions, we have zero evidence suggesting that still so I’d say get that idea outta yo head. 

I’m also thinking any wounds or hell even dying would all be temporary, like you’d wake up and you are fine physically. However emotionally not so much, you’d remember the experience of either dying or killing someone and that will probably fuck you up a bit, shit. And I think there is a way to die but it maybe only the Revue itself can do that. I’m guessing losing will really scramble your brain in some way. Oh dear.

-We see more of the Starlight play, so the summary I got right now for the plot of this play is this. Once upon a time there were two goddesses, they loved each other very much. But they both wanted to reach for a light high up in the sky, a star. So together they leave their nymphs friends (Idk are they nymphs or what) behind, and they go to the star. Both goddesses reach for the star but, the star fired a laser beam and shot one of the goddesses out of the sky. The other was being pulled into the star, unable to go back for her lover. So she turned her into sand to spare her a horrible death. They were forever separated, their dream could never come true. The End! Soooo this foreshadowing makes me nervous for the girls, I’ll talk about it more in the speculation part.

--Quick note here, I learned that the names of the two goddesses in the play are Claire and Flora. Now Flora is a latin name that means flower and is the name of the Roman goddess of flowers and plants. Interestingly, the school’s symbol is a flower! Or looks like one to me at least. Claire is also a latin name and it means bright, clear, and….famous. Hm, I think I’m gonna assume Claire is the goddess who didn’t die. Could be wrong though.

>IMMA FIRING MY SPECULATIONS! RAWR!

(Is that meme considered old now?)

-So is the legendary punishment legit or was their teacher just fucking with them? I suspect if it is, and if we see it, the punishment isn’t as bad as it’s rumored to be. If it is, maybe it's like the stage play. In the stage play, because Karen was late to class too many times I think, the girls got thrown into the fighty Greek Chorus hell pit. Most of them without weapons, at least Maya and Kuro went for using their bare hands instead. Wow. Death by greek chorus, what a way to go.

-I’m thinking that starlight equals radiance aka talent. The starlight gatherers thing I pointed out last week would match up to this idea.

-The penalty of losing too much in the auditions is that something important to Stage Girls is lost. I strongly think what they lose is their radiance aka starlight. Basically all their abilities they can use to perform. Maybe even weakening their bodies? My current thought for the truth about being Top Star is that Top Star is given all the radiance of the girls who lost, maybe used as a battery by the tiara but even just being given all the radiance is painful too. You’d be alone at the top, all your friends are gone and you’ve literally taken away everything they had. Basically the winner doesn’t even win, the only winner is the cruel system. 

So I got two ideas of where this could go, one is that the girls who lose become shells of their former selves after losing their starlight. Blank eyes, not very active, that kind of thing. And maybe the effect can be resisted for a little while but it will come for you in the end. And maybe it could even cause you to fade away into nothing but pink light....which is all over this anime. UM. OH GEEZ.

The other idea is that, the stage literally steals you away. If the idea is to give all the radiance at once to whoever the Top Star is, storing the losing girls would work too. Like the stage basically catches the losing girl, drags her under or upward (or even stage left or right) and then the girl is put in a deep sleep pretty much. They sleep in coffins or boxes until there is a Top Star, then they will be taken out and drained. This could be a good way for the school to not have to deal with zombie like girls, they can just say they are sick. Not like the other Stage Girls can tell anyone otherwise. What happens afterwards can’t say I know really. Could go with them fake joining the Starlight group like in my theory. Or they just bury whats left of the girls under the stage. Shit.

-Heres a theory that came to me while I was watching the stage version, the Starlight story isn’t made up. The myth is real. The goddess that lived is among them, maybe as the head teacher Souda-sensei? That would explain all the goddess symbolism, specially love goddesses because this one lost her lover and so did Inanna and Venus. It might also explain our Qilin, he is loyal to her. 

So if the goddess is real why is she here? Well, I think she did indeed take the star and stored it away. However, this goddess has become cruel. She had seen other women with their best friends and their lovers and became angry. Why do they get to keep who they love the most and she had to lose hers? So maybe this is a recreation, she might just be a goddess who loves theater and sees it as a good way to lure girls. She puts the same number of girls as there were goddesses or goddesses and their nymphs idk. They fight for the Top Star, fighting friends and lovers alike. And the girl that wins gains the star powers, but now she’s alone and she lost everything else. Just like the goddess herself, another lonely star.

>Bana-nice!

This was a nice breather episode! Got to hang with the girls more, got some more foreshadowing, got some more gay, it was fun! And it gave the animators a break! It looks like episode 5 is gonna be a doozy though, oh boy.

See you on the stage for episode 5!

[therake-1996-blog]

Irreversible Ch. 10

Sorry for the delay! Work got me like

Chapter 10- Punishments

As the early light of morning shines through the wispy curtains—what’s left of them—Zyglavis and I take stock of what’s left of his bedroom.

“We…destroyed this room,” I mutter, a little embarrassed.

The curtain rod hangs half-on, half-off the wall, the bookshelf beside it buckled and on two legs. The table and chair set is mostly demolished, one chair completely smashed, a husk of what it once was, the other missing it’s arm, and cracks in the shape of my body litter the walls everywhere.

I’m not even taking into consideration the bed, desk, and couch.

“‘We’?” Zyglavis repeats, eyeing me smugly. “This was all you, Eden.” My head snaps up to look at him, my eyes bugging out of my head.

“Excuse me?” I gasp.

“You’re the one who clawed the headboard into splinters,” He begins. “You’re the one who shredded the mattress, the one who rode me on the desk until the legs broke, then kept riding until it broke in half,” I throw a glance over at the collapsed desk at the end of the room, nervously chewing on my bottom lip. “The one who clutched the couch so hard the back broke off, the one who—”

“Okay, I get it!” I exclaim, throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation. Zyglavis laughs. “But you’re the one who made me do it!”

He raises his eyebrows.

“Oh, am I?” He asks pleasantly.

“You kept biting me! What was I supposed to do?”

“You bit me back,” He points out. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Ugh.” I throw my head back on my shoulders, rubbing a hand against my forehead. I’ve created a monster.

Zyglavis laughs again and wraps his arms around me, kissing my head lightly.

Keeping me to his chest, he lifts his hand and snaps his fingers. I watch as the room slowly fixes itself back to the clean, pristine condition it had been in eight hours ago.

“We can ruin it again tonight.” He says, his voice filled with promises. I shiver, and lift my face to look at him.

“Looking forward to it.”

…

Zyglavis casts a spell that conceals the red color of his irises, sucks in a deep breath, and we leave his room, heading toward the Department of Punishments. He keeps his head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone, and everything seems okay.

Until we actually enter the building.

Gods seem to come out of the woodwork, swarming around Zyglavis and I.

“It’s so good to see you back, Lord Zyglavis!”

“I’m glad that you’re better, sir!”

“If there’s anything you need, let me know!”

Zyglavis stiffens, leaning away from the gods’ overwhelming scents, his lip curling disdainfully. They seem to be quite oblivious to his discomfort. He grips my hand as tightly as he can, squishing my fingers together, making me bite my tongue as pain shoots up and down my arm.

“Hey! Get the hell outta his face!”

A familiar voice I haven’t heard in a couple days yells out, brash and loud, and the gods surrounding us all get very quiet. Scorpio, who just exited a room on the immediate left of the entrance into Punishments, stuffs some paperwork under his left arm as he pushes and shoves people away from Zyglavis.

“Come on, get back to work! Go on!”  

As the swarm of what must be mouth-watering scents slowly leaves the immediate area, Zyglavis relaxes, closing his eyes.

“Thank you, Scorpio.” He says, keeping his voice low.

“No problem, man. So…how ya, you know…?”

Zyglavis opens his eyes and looks at him. Scorpio looks cautious, and is keeping his distance.

“I’m fine,” Zyglavis assures him. “I just can’t be surrounded like that.” Then he looks at me, lightly tugs on my hand, and my body instinctually cuddles up against his arm. “And it’s easier with Eden beside me.”

Scorpio’s eyes dart from him to me, and then tilts his head back slowly, his eyes narrowing.

“Ahh. I see. I was right, wasn’t I, Eden?”

Zyglavis frowns.

“What?” He looks down at me as I smile at Scorpio.

“Yes, I guess you were.”

“What?” Zyglavis asks again, this time, more irritated. Scorpio snorts, a small smile on his face, and turns to walk away.

“Welcome back, man. We gotta shit ton of work for you.”

…

When we get to Zyglavis’ office, he groans.

Mountains upon mountains upon mountains of paperwork, stacked on and around his desk, sit there waiting. I raise my eyebrows.

“Must’ve been things only you could do,” I murmur.

“I doubt it,” Zyglavis growls, stalking over to them. He starts with the stack on the floor next to the desk—it comes up to his waist—quickly reading and signing in a blur.

His expressions change as he reads, so quickly it’s comical. One moment his face will be neutral, then it’ll be frowning, then shocked, then dismayed, then angered, then embarrassed.

He gets done with the first stack in less than ten minutes.

As he moves on to the second stack on his desk, which is divided into three parts, I ask,

“Is there anything I can do?” Zyglavis’ left hand pauses in signing, and he looks at me.

“Anything you can do?” He repeats. “Well…would you mind filing the papers away as they’re completed? All you have to do is put them in yellow folders and label them.”

“Okay.”

“Folders are in the drawer by the bookshelf.”

Zyglavis and I work well together, moving around the room in a blur. The paperwork slowly diminishes as time ticks forward.

One and a half of the three total stacks alone creates over three hundred folders together.

It’s not hard, but it’s rather tedious work. I glance at Zyglavis.

“How long have you been the minister?” I ask.

“A very long time,” He replies. “Since before you were even born.”

“Do you just…like, apply for a job in these departments?” Zyglavis smiles, glancing at me.

“No, Eden. You have to have certain skills and qualities for the king to appoint you to any position among the departments, especially positions like minister and vice-minister. They are highly-sought positions, but usually gods are simply born for their roles. Ministers typically hand their jobs down to their children, except in special cases.”

“Oh, so it’s like royalty?” He chuckles.

“In a way.”

“So you got your position from your mother?”

Zyglavis’ hands freeze. His expression flattens. I frown, worry and confusion wracking my brain. Did I say something wrong?

“No…” He murmurs. “I got it from my father. Under less than ideal circumstances.”

“O-oh. I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t apologize. I should probably tell you, anyway. My father fell from grace.”

I blink, tilting my head as Zyglavis comes to sit next to me.

“What does that mean?”

“When a god falls from grace, it means that he or she loses their godhood. They become human. It’s usually due to some grave sin they’ve committed, but I could never figure out why he did, and mother won’t tell me anything. It was just…one day he was here, and the next, he was gone. Mother locked herself away and I became both the god of Libra and the minister of Punishments. It was an emergency ceremony, something that had to be done right away, otherwise the results would’ve been the same if I were to have died. I tried to look for my father in the reflecting pools, but I couldn’t find him. Every time I tried to talk to mother, she refused to see me. It was quite a difficult time.”

Zyglavis frowns as he speaks, a dimple forming above his left eyebrow so deep it looks like it’ll become permanently engraved there. I place a hand over his.

How sad. To be forcibly pushed into something you’re not ready for, on top of losing a parent and not knowing what happened to them…He must have been so confused, so hurt.

I scoot closer to him, leaning my head against his arm.

“Thank you for telling me.” I whisper. He looks at me, startled for a moment, then smiles.

“Thank you for listening.” He replies.

“And Zyglavis?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

[xb-squaredx]

Nier: Automata Review: Do Androids Dream?

2017 was a solid year for video games, and one unlikely candidate for Game of the Year for a LOT of people was found in Nier: Automata. A sequel and somewhat of a spinoff to Nier (which is itself a spinoff to the Drakenguard games), this game might prove to be the breakout hit of director Yoko Taro. While not quite a household name yet, Automata’s financial and critical success provides him with a decent foot in the door. While his games have a devoted cult following, this will likely be a great many gamer’s introduction to the man and his…interesting ideas on game design. Let us begin the weird, melancholy journey that is Nier: Automata and I’ll attempt to do so with as few story-spoilers as I possibly can.

Set far into the future, humanity has been driven off of their planet by aliens and their powerful machine lifeforms. With the remnants of humanity living on the moon, Project Yorha is created, a military force of powerful androids that work to repel the machines and take back the planet. The war has been locked in a stalemate for a long time however, and the story begins at a crucial time in the conflict, following the perspective of androids 2B, 9S and A2, androids at different stages of dealing with the constant struggle. The atmosphere of the game is definitely somber, downright heartbreaking at times, but balanced out with some odd humorous moments and sweet interactions, before the viewer’s heart is yanked out and shown to them. This isn’t a game to induce good feelings, is all I’m saying.

Obviously, the story is the biggest draw here, and I’ll take care to not say much more. Automata’s story details the ongoing conflict and questions what it really means to exist. The lines between humans, androids and machines and how blurry they really are; it gets quite existential. Along the way there is a good amount of foreshadowing and twists that, on a repeat playthrough, completely re-contextualize several moments in the game. There are several sequences in the game that are incredibly disturbing and will stay with me for a long time. An uncanniness in these metallic characters displaying human-like qualities, but being ever so slightly off. Automata isn’t quite a horror game, but it’s very haunting all the same as you explore the ruins of mankind with something in its place that feel like cruel imitations.

The voice cast is phenomenal, everyone knocking their roles out of the park. Kira Buckland and Kyle McCarley have a great dynamic in 2B and 9S, 9S in particular developing in an interesting manner throughout the game. Cherami Leigh plays the gruff A2 well and Alexis Tipton brings a lot of heart to the character of Pascal, one of the few friendly machines the player encounters. There’s a great amount of talent to be found in this game and it really makes the more emotional moments hit hard. Other aspects of the presentation are great; the music is the standout there, with hypnotic, somewhat haunting vocal themes throughout the OST, aided by slick visuals. I’m not a fan of the somewhat desaturated look the game is going for, I like vivid, colorful games myself, but it goes with the tone so I don’t mind too much.

Now, gameplay is where things get interesting. Any fan of Yoko Taro’s games will tell you that while his games are almost always interesting…they aren’t that great to play. This time around, PlatinumGames have been brought in to polish the action and the results are mostly fantastic, resulting in two companies playing to their strengths. While not nearly as in-depth as most of the action games in Platinum’s resume, Automata has their telltale slick and stylish footprints all over it. You can chain together simple attacks with a variety of weapons, from swords of varying sizes to giant fists and spears. All the while, you have a dodge that can allow for a counter attack if you time it right that seems right out of Bayonetta. Players also have a Pod accompanying them, a little drone that assists in battle. Pods work as a long-range option, their default attack being a gatling gun that sends bullets straight ahead, and can use Pod Programs as special attacks working off a cooldown. You can summon a shield or hit enemies with a big attack; it’s quite similar to Grimoire Weiss in Nier, for reference.

Adding to all this, players can use Plug-in Chips to customize your abilities. Augment movement speed, attack power, grant yourself a parry maneuver or slow down time after a dodge—there’s a lot of chips out there to really change things up. However, you have limited memory to work with and have to pick and choose chips that will fit, but in an interesting twist you can remove aspects of your HUD to free up extra space. If you really want that extra bit of attack power, then you don’t REALLY need that minimap or health bar visible, right? Just don’t remove that OS-Chip. You kinda need that to live. All and all, the combat in Automata isn’t quite as deep as Platinum’s other titles in terms of weapon variety or combos, but has plenty of options to keep it interesting. In fact, the gameplay itself will change up quite a bit throughout the game; you can pilot a flying mech or engage in hacking, the camera even changes to overhead or side-scrolling positions at times to keep things fresh. One thing is certain though: Yoko Taro LOVES bullet hell and you better be prepared for a LOT of that sprinkled in. Enemies frequently launch projectiles at you, but most can be cancelled out with shots from your Pod, though some require a melee attack to dissipate. These sequences can be a bit bothersome if you’re not into that genre, but if you stick with it I don’t think they’re too bad (up to a specific point that anyone who’s beaten the game will know anyway…).

The Platinum touch is very appreciated with the combat, though there are some elements that don’t come together as well I think. The bullet hell sections occasionally work, and sometimes they don’t. I find the changing camera perspectives to be disorientating more often than not, and more than one boss feels way more awkward than they needed to be. While battling against common enemies isn’t too bad, there are times when they seem to just…randomly ignore hitstun and attack me anyway, or else there are SO many enemies being thrown at you, and you can barely get a hit in before you have to dodge like mad. One area really stuck out to me; fighting a bunch of strong enemies in a little pit with a ladder in the center. The camera gets hung up on the geometry of the area and at times I’d accidentally attach to the ladder and be unable to escape as an enemy winds up and knocks off half my health. Most of the game is set up in wide-open areas at the very least, but to say every fight works smoothly wouldn’t be true.

But now we get to the BIG elephant in the room, one Yoko Taro fans know all too well: multiple endings. The Drakenguard games and Nier all have multiple endings and that much also holds true for Automata, but that isn’t to say you can beat the game once and are stuck with the ending you happen to get. The “endings” in Nier: Automata are less like endings and more like “routes.” Each new route you play through will add new elements that weren’t there before and eventually more parts of the story are shown. This isn’t like Ghost n’ Goblins where you beat the same game twice just for a slightly different ending screen; things can get VERY different as you go through later routes, but this does lead to a bit of repetition in a game that’s already filled with backtracking. Without saying too much, ending A of Automata is only about a third of the game as far as narrative is concerned and stopping there (where I fear a lot of people will) would result in a story that has potential, but doesn’t seem to conclude much of anything. So I will say this: keep playing. Square Enix even puts in a message at the end of the credits asking you to keep playing. I was invested enough to keep going and I was glad I saw the game through to the end. The REAL end. There’s so much more story, so much more variety to the gameplay after those credits roll the first time, and it’s sad that so many people will likely miss it because…well, we got to credits, so game’s over, right? But that isn’t how Yoko Taro thinks, for better or worse.

Speaking honestly, while I enjoy the game a great deal and really like the places the story goes…I won’t pretend that the decision to break the narrative up like that does the game a lot of good. I think it only harms the game, really. Compared to something like 999, a game that integrated the concept of new-game plus into its narrative in a way that made sense, Automata doesn’t handle it as gracefully. In 999 you can skip past dialogue and scenarios you have already done, but you aren’t so lucky in Automata. Granted, there are fairly significant differences that appear as soon as you start that second playthrough but it’s not exactly fun to go through the same story beats and wait to re-unlock fast travel again. I get what Taro is going for; only in video games can you do something like this. You can’t read a book, then go back to re-read a section and have new pages suddenly added. I can appreciate him for trying something different, but I question if that’s the best usage of the medium for telling a story. It might not be worth alienating people who don’t want to jump through all those hoops just to get closure to a story, nor is it going to help if people don’t know that the game has multiple routes in the first place. That Square Enix needed to put in a message after you beat the game is pretty telling.

Even without taking the multiple routes into consideration, I’m not fond of all the backtracking. While at times new things are added to locations you’ve already visited to keep it interesting, a lot of the time you’re simply going across the same four or five areas. I can’t tell you how many times you’re told to explore the factory that makes up the first “level” of the game. Often times this is for sidequests, sure, and thus the backtracking can be optional….but then again, the sidequests are so rewarding both in experience points and rewards, it’d be crazy to NOT do a good portion of them. On top of that, the areas just feel kinda empty, which might be the point. Still, navigation could be better. You CAN ride on the backs of animals to cut down on travel time…sometimes anyway, and you do get fast travel later on but it’s limited. Why is it I can save when I get close enough to an Access Point, but have to physically touch the Access Point when I want to fast travel? There’s even one extended sequence of “controllable helplessness” where you have to drag your limping body halfway across the game world that, while memorable…is memorable more so for dragging on WAY too long. It’s a bit of fat that could have been trimmed.

At the end of the day, Nier: Automata is a game I won’t soon forget, and it’s largely a positive experience. I do really enjoy it, even if at times the frustrations overwhelmed the good parts. Platinum and Yoko Taro’s team gelled together fairly well, resulting in something that’s solid in just about every fashion. The combat is slick and open-ended, the soundtrack is fantastic and the performances by the voice actors really sell the scenes and add a little extra heart to it all, but the fragmented story, constant backtracking and the rare shoddy battle here or there brings it down a bit. If you’re a fan of Yoko Taro’s work, you’ll enjoy it immensely and if it’s your first experience with the man’s games, you’ll still find a lot to like here. I WILL state that it would be better if you’ve played Nier beforehand, but there’s generally enough context within this game that certain late-game moments will…mostly make sense. You’ll just be lacking a bit of clarity. Glad I was able to get to this game before 2017 was over, and I would look forward to whatever Taro does next…because no matter what it is, it’ll be something worth talking about. See you next time.

-B