#anyway episode 8 had me in anguish | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

writtenfangirl · 2 years ago

Note

Good morning/afternoon/ night! Im sorry to bother you, but I just finished reading youre," Broken Promises" post and I just wanted to say it was so amazingly good! I would like to ask if you could possibly make a part 2 where Steve finds out that the reader had left and maybe just the aftermath of everything. (If you mentioned/made a part 2 already and this is all non needed Im sorry I must have skiped over it lol) anyways, if you get to read this I hope you have had a good day and thank you for wrighting such a masterpiece even tho you said you didn't like it to much(which would be another good reason to ignor my ask)

Have an amazing day!(sorry this is so long. I've never made an ask before and I nerviously ramble.)

Broken Promises pt. 2

This took forever. College is a nightmare and I will never encourage anyone to go through it ever.

The whole fic's 6,544 words so it's quite lengthy. It's also unedited.

Link to Part 1: Broken Promises

Dear Steve,

I’m sorry.

I know my apologies are not enough and will never be enough. There is nothing I could possibly say or do that could absolve me of my sins. I—

The words were a pitiful imitation of her true feelings. She was never a powerful writer and though she hoped to send a message to Steve—even one that didn’t properly encapsulate her feelings—in the hopes that he may one day forgive her, she refused to send him this.

She let out a growl of frustration before she crumpled the paper in her hand and set it aflame, the temperature so high that it didn’t even leave a speck of ash.

Two months.

That’s how long it’d been since she last spoke to Steve, since she left Earth to become Queen of Asgard. Since she abandoned the man she loved to fulfill her duties to her people.

Two months of pain and misery.

Two months of teary nights and anguished mornings.

Two months of self-reproach and restless sleep.

She stood up abruptly, the chair scraping against the marble floor of her room. She only had one destination in mind, the same destination she went to every time she remembered Steve. Which, in truth, was nearly every hour of every waking day.

What was Steve eating for breakfast?

What was Steve doing now?

What did Steve say when he saw her leave him?

How did he react when he say her message?

Did he hate her?

Did he feel abandoned?

Will he ever forgive her?

Will—

She let out another frustrated groan before she stopped the questions that began filling her mind. She was beginning to spiral again. One thought led to another and before she knew it, she was curled up in a ball somewhere in the darkest corner of Asgard, bawling her eyes out as guilt, resentment, pain and hurt consumed her.

Her mother or one of her brothers usually went to find her when she was having one of her episodes. The thought of one of them finding her again had a flush of embarrassment reddening her cheeks.

She was never one to take note of the passing of time. As the goddess of the sun and of prophecy, she was aware that the future was not concrete and that time was fluid. There was also the fact that she was an immortal. Counting time was futile, at least she use to think so.

Now it’s all she did.

Two months, three days, 8 minutes and 12 seconds since she left Earth.

Days felt like weeks and weeks felt like decades. She felt as though she’d aged centuries in the few months she spent on Asgard and if it wasn’t for her reflection in the mirror every morning, she would have thought she’d look as old as her father did before he passed.

She grunted before her elegant purple gown burned away into her golden armor.

She just wanted to go hit something.

Or someone.

It didn’t really matter. All she wanted to do was find an outlet for her emotions before she set fire to the palace.

She was never a hateful creature but resentment had begun to build at her heart and seeing her brothers happy, or at the very least content, with their lot in life had jealousy writhing in her body.

She used to be happy once.

Now all she felt was anger and resentment.

She never let that cloud her judgement though.

Despite her father’s death and the expectation that the Nine Realms would fall in chaos as the crown passed hands, the Nine Realms was prospering. Not even Jotunheim had thought to launch an assault against her. Her kingdom was at peace, her subjects were happy and they would prosper and thrive.

She almost resented that too.

She never thought herself a hateful person but sacrificing everything she ever wanted, her happiness and a future with the man she loved, would have turned even a saint into the same bitter creature she was now.

She trudged out of her room, out of the golden palace and walked the long path towards the rainbow bridge.

She ignored her subjects as she passed them, save for a strained smile she let out here and there.

She was sure even they had felt a change in her.

When she was still a princess, she was beloved. Perhaps it made her arrogant to think so but the Asgardians did love her and she loved them in return. She would visit her people often, especially those of them who encountered problems she knew she could find a solution for. She was a constant in their world, or, at least, she use to be.

Now all she did was shut herself in her gilded palace or stay at the Rainbow Bridge.

She finally found her way to the Bridge and she continued her path.

As she walked, her mind fluttered from one future to another.

It wasn’t her future she was concerned with anyway.

She plucked each individual thread, scanning through the length of Steve’s long future.

Another surge of frustration swelled within her.

Why couldn’t she see?

A sudden needle of panic pricked at her. Could Steve be dead and that’s why she couldn’t see his future?

No. That wasn’t it.

She saw a glimpse of his old withered face, smiling. She couldn’t see who or what he was smiling at but it brought Y/N peace to know that Steve lives a fruitful life.

So what could be blocking her sight?

“You’ll tire yourself out that way, your majesty.”

Y/N hadn’t realized that she’d arrived at the golden chamber that housed Heimdall’s usual domain.

There he stood, his golden armor shining as brightly as his golden eyes, his hands holding the key to the Bifrost firmly.

Y/N’s once lurid purple eyes settled back to her usual E/C.

She regarded her old friend thoughtfully. “I guess it’s in moments such as this where I wish I had your abilities, Heimdall. The future is never set in stone but the present? How I wish I can see him.”

“He is well,” Heimdall said evenly.

Y/N’s come to interpret those words to mean “Steve is physically alright.” but something in Heimdall’s tone had a lead ball forming in Y/N’s stomach.

“Heimdall, are you telling me the truth?” Y/N said softly.

He seemed to hesitate, his gold eyes trained on Y/N carefully. As if assessing whether her reaction would be volatile.

A needle of irritation stabbed at her. Did Heimdall think her so weak?

“Heimdall,” Y/N said, her voice the voice of a regal queen. “What is it?”

“Prince Thor made me swear not to tell you. I apologize, my queen.”

“Fine,” Y/N bristled, her voice clipped. “Where is my brother?”

Heimdall hesitated again.

“Where is my brother, Heimdall?” Y/N’s eyes blazed, her irritation growing.

“Your brother is in Midgard attending matters with your friends.” Heimdall finally said.

Heimdall’s words were enough to harden the lead in her stomach, turning it into her solid resolution.

“Bring me down there.”

“Lady Y/N—“

“Heimdall,” Y/N said sharply, shedding the voice of a friend turning into the fiery queen. “I command you to bring me to Earth.“

Heimdall dipped his head in a bow. “Very well, my lady.”

Y/N stepped up onto the raised platform and watched as Heimdall turned the key, opening the Bifrost.

She let the large column of light and colors blast cocoon around her, her body suddenly traveling faster than the speed of light, Heimdall soon disappearing from her line of sight.

Before a second had even passed, she felt her body land on solid ground.

She smelled Midgard before she saw it.

It smelled of rain, petrichor permeating her senses. The grass was still damp in places where the Bifrost hadn’t scorched its patterns on the earth and tiny little dew drops refracted the light of the morning sun.

There was a notable chill in the air and judging from the yellow and orange leaves that were falling from the trees, it was the crest of autumn.

She knew the walk to the compound like the back of her hand and was half-surprised that she hadn’t triggered any safety protocols.

Her magic began to wrap around her body and a near blinding light surrounded her as her golden armor shifted into her Midgardian clothes. In place of her golden armor was a deep violet dress that reached a little below her knees, paired with golden sandals. She didn’t bother changing her twin swords and they stuck out behind her in a gold X formation.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but there was a strange atmosphere within the compound that she couldn’t quite place.

She walked through the front door, past the hallway leading to the kitchen and dining area and went straight to the living room.

Normally, the compound would be bustling in activity at this time, despite how early it was. Steve, Bucky and Sam would be back from their daily morning run, panting and sweaty but nonetheless joking around in the living room. Tony and Bruce, who would be working all night in the lab with Y/N, would emerge from their cave at around this time for a spot or breakfast. Vision would be preparing breakfast in the kitchen with the help of Wanda while Natasha watched on, occasionally adding her own input.

But instead, the compound was silent.

The living room was empty, or at least, she thought it was.

There was figure laying down on the couch, bundled up in a woolen blanket to avoid the frigid air. They had the blanket pulled over their head, giving Y/N a hard time to identify who it was. She approached the sleeping form and saw strands red hair peeking out from beneath the blanket.

She hated to wake Natasha but something told her that this was more important than her friend’s rest.

“Nat,” she shook the super spy awake. “Nat, wake up.”

This wasn’t the first time Y/N had awoken her friend. With Natasha Romanoff being one of the most covert super spies/assassins in the world, she wasn’t one to sleep soundly and unprepared and so Y/N half expected a knife to be pointed at her face or a half-concealed gun hitting her abdomen.

Instead, Natasha simply groaned, which worried Y/N deeply.

“Nat, it’s me,” Y/N said, shaking Natasha once again.

Natasha’s eyes fluttered open, her eyelashes hitting her cheek as she struggled to open her eyes. It seemed to take her a good 30 seconds before she registered who was standing before her.

“Y/N, oh my god.” Natasha leapt from the couch, her arms wrapping around Y/N’s neck. She moved so quickly, Y/N barely had time to adjust her position before they both fell to the floor. “I can’t believe you’re here! Thor told us he didn’t tell you anything and I was so worried I thought that maybe something had happened and that’s why you’re not here and—“

Natasha spoke quickly, her words stumbling over each other.

“Stop, Natasha,” Y/N gripped Nat’s shoulders and Nat seemed to sag against her in defeat, “slower. What is happening?”

There was no hesitation in Natasha’s eyes as she spoke. “It’s Steve. He’s hurt.”

A sudden ringing exploded in Y/N’s ears, drowning out Natasha’s words saved a few.

Touch and go.

Worst part is over but I’m not so sure.

We were on a mission in the Philippines. There’s an old army base there…

Natasha’s words were inconsequential to her.

This is why she couldn’t see Steve. Why all she saw were glimpses. His present was in mortal danger and his future slipped through his fingers like sand.

She looked at Natasha intently. There were bags under Natasha’s eyes as dark as the bruises that was peppered her body, an especially prominent one peeking out from the sleeve of her shirt. Her hair was in disarray, her skin paler than that of death. Y/N’s known Natasha a long time and something about Natasha’s unkempt appearance had a jolt of unease shaking her spine, making goosebumps rise on her arms. She realized that she has never seen Nat look so… defeated before.

“Where is he?” Her words were sharp, stone grating against stone.

Natasha didn’t even flinch at her tone. “In the infirmary, recovering.”

She left Nat behind her, stumbling up towards the infirmary.

She didn’t imagine that the compound would be so painful.

She saw herself here, happy and carefree. She saw herself with Steve in these halls, the way they danced around in the living room in the middle as he hummed them their song quietly; the cakes and cookies they snuck around behind the backs of the team; the treadmills they spent hours on, trying to one up the other; the meals they spent with each other in the conference rooms in an effort to spend some one-on-one time with each other.

And the hanger that kept the team’s vehicles where she last saw Steve.

Where she bid him good bye, making a promise she didn’t know she wouldn’t have been able to keep.

She pushed the memories away.

The past didn’t matter right now. The present did.

She managed to run the rest of the way to the infirmary, where she found the rest of the team gathered around Steve.

“Y/N,” Thor said in surprise when the group turned around.

Y/N didn’t spare her brother a glance. Her eyes were trained on Steve and his sleeping form. He was shirtless, his creamy white skin looking even paler than Y/N remembered. He had stitches on his forehead, a giant bruise the size of her hand near his abdomen and a giant sewn up slash at the other side of his torso.

Steve Rogers looked like death.

“He looked a lot worse yesterday,” Tony mumbled, as if sensing where Y/N’s thoughts were going. “There are some perks to being a super soldier.”

“What happened?” Y/N’s voice was as thin as paper.

Bruce made a move to answer but before the words left his mouth, Y/N simply said, “Scratch that. I don’t think I want to know.”

Because if she knew who did this, if she knew what happened, there was nothing and no one that could stop her from finding the people who did this to the man she loved and burning them where they stood.

“His vitals are stable,” Bruce said in a placating tone. “He’s just resting for now. We gave him some morphine for the pain but his supersoldier body burns through the stuff.”

For the first time since she stepped in the room, she looked around. She easily ignored the white sterile walls of the infirmary, of the hi-tech machines that she helped Tony built as they combined magic and science. She even managed to ignore the steady beeping sound of the machine that was taking note of Steve’s heartbeat.

Instead, her eyes swept across her friends.

They looked as shitty as Natasha did.

Bags under their eyes, their skin sallow and ashy. Bruce had a faint, five o’clock shadow beginning to grow at his face and Tony was sporting a large bruise around his eyes that had begun to darken. Bucky was there too, his face gaunt, eyes bloodshot. Even Sam, who was usually jolly enough to be able to lighten any situation stayed stoically silent.

Her brother was the only one of them who looked well rested but with the permanent frown on his face, Y/N could see that Steve’s condition was beginning to take a toll on him too.

“Was it that bad?” Y/N asked, her voice low and quiet, a mother coaxing answers out of her children.

“You should have seen the other guy,” Sam said. Y/N could see his concentrated effort as he tried to make himself sound better than he actually felt but Sam’s words fell flat in dejection.

Y/N frowned at them. “When was the last time you all rested?”

Bucky only shrugged. “We take shifts. Wanda, Natasha and Vision spent the entire night with him. It’s our turn now.”

“Did you actually sleep last night?”

Judging by the resounding silence that came from the group, it was a huge no.

“Go rest.”

Tony’s head snapped to her. “What? Y/N, you—“

“This is not a negotiation, Stark,” Y/N said firmly, injecting some of her queenly voice into her command, “go rest. All of you. Thor and I will watch Steve. None of you are allowed to come back until you’ve seen to your own injuries and you’re able to get a full 8 hours of sleep. I’ll have Friday notify the team if there are any changes.”

Bruce made a move to argue but something about Y/N’s expression had the scientist stopping himself. Instead, with stiff backs and tired forms, they retreated from the infirmary.

“Good to see you again, Y/N. Thought it would be under better circumstances but at least you’ll be he here when he wakes up,” Tony said with a sigh before he left, leaving Y/N alone with her brother and a comatose Steve Rogers.

It was silent for a while, the beeping of the machines that kept Steve alive the only thing that filled that the quiet void.

Y/N could feel her brother’s uneasy glances towards her despite the fact that her eyes were focused on the steady rising and falling of Steve’s pale chest. While she knew the real reason for the enmity that was radiating off of her was because the love of her life was knocking on death’s door, she couldn’t stop the anger that was directed at her brother as it filled her heart. In fact, she relished it.

“Whatever you’re thinking, brother, spit it out,” her words were short, curt. There was no mistaking the anger there.

“Heimdall told you.”

There was no question in his voice. He knew the words ringed true even if Y/N didn’t confirm it.

“You told him not to tell me. Are you my keeper now, Thor?”

Y/N could practically feel Thor flinch at the cold ice in her words.

“I did not want to worry you, sister.”

“What did you think would happen, Thor?” The Queen of Asgard turned to her brother, her eyes blazing. Her body was tense, anger and rage replacing the blood that coursed through her veins. The temperature in the room began to spike and Y/N watched as sweat began to collect on her brother’s brow. “That because I accepted the position as Asgard’s queen, I would cease using my abilities on Steve?”

Thor scowled at her, refusing to cower under her intense glare. “You were a ghost, Y/N. I thought it best you didn’t know, lest I wanted you to get worse.”

“Would you have told me if he’d died?” Y/N challenged, her voice beginning to rise as she spat out her words, “Or would I continue to fruitlessly search for his future, a future he would never have?”

“No—“

“I have sacrificed too much for Asgard. For you. For Loki and mother. You are my older brother and yet I bear the responsibility of the throne when it should have been you!” Tears had begun to sprung in her eyes, hot and wet, the trail it left behind scorching the skin of her face. She couldn’t stop herself, not anymore. Not after everything she’d had to sacrifice for everyone else’s happiness. “The one person in this entire universe that brings me joy was dying and you kept that information from me, Thor. Even to that, you felt entitled to. I could have been there, I could have helped him! I should’ve—“ a sob broke through her chest, choking the words she yearned the scream at her brother.

Her brother who got everything he wanted. Her brother who she sacrificed so much for to be happy.

Thor’s scowling face softened, which irked Y/N even more.

“Don’t give me that look,” Y/N said as she furiously wiped at her eyes, “I do not want your sympathies.”

But rather than fighting back, Thor reached for her, encircling her in his strong arms.

She tried to push away from his warm embrace, beating against the Asgardian leather of his armor but Thor didn’t even seem fazed at all.

She was stronger than this, she knew that. She was a warrior after all, one of the few who faced Thanos and live to tell about it. She herself has fought Thor at the height of each other’s power and she prevailed time and time again.

But she had no fight in her left.

Nothing left to give to stop the torrential rain of heartbreak and sadness that threatened to drown her, was drowning her.

“It’s not fair,” Y/N sobbed as Thor held on to her tightly, her fists beating against his chest. “It’s not fair.”

Thor held her tight and Y/N could feel her body betraying her, giving into the his hug. Her big brother’s comfort was unlike anything in this world and his hug had her knees buckling, her body only being held up by her brother’s embrace.

She could smell him, the scent of musk and cedar wood. She could feel his long blonde hair tickling her cheek as her tears soaked its tip. Y/N felt Thor’s arms tighten around her and it took her a while to realize that the sound of her sobs were drowning her brother’s words.

“It’s not fair.”

“I know.”

“It’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry, sister.”

“I just wanted to be happy.”

“And I will make it so.”

At that, Y/N pulled away. The tears that shrouded her eyes blurred her brother’s face but there was no mistaking the steely determination that wove itself in the wrinkles of his brow.

“What?” Her voice was small, quiet even, as she wiped at her eyes, seeing her brother clearly.

“I cannot keep seeing you like this,” Thor said as he rested his hands on Y/N’s shoulder, a grounding guide that cemented her feet to reality. “Seeing you mope around Asgard, cold and unfeeling except whenever you wish to cry, has made me realize something. You’re right, Y/N. It is not fair of me to rob you of your happiness. As your big brother, I have always wanted what’s best for you but fear for the future of Asgard has clouded my judgment. I let you take my responsibility, carrying with it all of its burdens and for that, I am truly sorry. You do not know of the future of my reign and though that scares me, knowing the present of yours, your misery and anger and resentment, saddens me. Sister, if you would let me, I will retake the throne and all the burdens that come with it.”

Y/N sniffled, surprised at all she was hearing. Thor taking the throne from her?

She waited for a sense of foreboding to come, a sense of jealousy and betrayal and yet she felt was relief. And guilt. Guilt that began to prick at her shriveled up heart. Could she truly ask her brother to give up his own joy for hers? Y/N was many things but selfish was never one of them. “But what of your missions fighting for peace in the Nine Realms? I cannot take that from you.”

“There are no more fights, sister,” Thor said, not unkindly.

“There are always fights,” Y/N replied.

“Not today. Not tomorrow. Your reign, however short, has strengthened Asgard. None of our enemies dare to make a move against us. I am free of my obligations as Asgard’s prince. Now I must take up the mantle and become its king.”

“But what if they attack again? If our enemies aren’t reminded of our strength, you and I both know they will attack.”

“Then we fight,” Thor gave Y/N a grim look. “Father may have been king but he was a warrior, stronger than even you or me. Should I become king, I will not abandon my people in a fight and I know you won’t too.”

“But Thor—“

“Y/N, I have decided,” Thor said, his blue eyes staring intently in her own E/C ones. “I love you. You are my sister and I have failed you by forcing you to take my responsibility. You deserve to be happy, more than any one of us. You have sacrificed much and have received too little in return.”

“But you won’t be happy,” Y/N insisted, “I would rather live with my resentment than my guilt, Thor. And guilt is all I will feel should you do this for me.”

Thor smiled softly. His eyes, clear as a sky on a beautiful summer day, was trained on her intently. “Sister, I wish for you to listen to me closely. Loki and I have discussed this and though I wish to take on the burden of the crown alone, I know you will not let me. So in this, Loki has found a solution. We rule, all three of us, together. There will not be one king or queen but two kings and a queen. Us. The three of us ruling Asgard as a unit.”

Y/N blinked back at her brother in confusion. A unit? “What? I have never heard of such a thing.”

“It is a good plan, no?” Thor said, his face cracking into a smile.

“It is unhinged,” Y/N said cautiously. “We would squabble relentlessly, as we always do. We will never agree on anything.”

“Which is why Loki and I have thought of a solution to that,” Thor’s grin was widening and Y/N had to quell her own joy. His smile was infectious and Y/N almost wanted to smile back at him. She had always been the more cautious of the three siblings. She was the smart one, the one who stopped her fighting brothers, who stopped Loki from stabbing Thor and ceased the bickering between the two. Y/N was the one who reasoned with Thor whenever he got too rough and was the one who listened to Loki rant about the unfairness of his life.

But this, this solution that her crazy brother have concocted could be the answer to all their problems.

Thor continued his explanation. “I will handle Asgard’s military exploits, as that is my strength. Loki will handle life at court as he fits.”

“And I?”

“You will do both. When you think either of us are doing things we shouldn’t, then your word will be the final word and we will stop.”

Y/N grinned. “I am to be your leash?”

“Yes,” Thor said with a firm nod, matching Y/N’s grin. “You will be our leash. That way, you do not always have to be in Asgard, only when one of us calls upon you to deal with the other. You get to spend time here on Earth as you see fit and Loki and I will accomplish our own duties to Asgard.”

“Father must be rolling in his grave,” Y/N muttered. “This is the craziest idea we have ever had. With the throne divided into three, our enemies will think us weak.”

“Then we show them nothing but strength.”

“And what of mother? What are her thoughts on the matter?”

“Loki has spoken with her and she wishes to see her children happy. This is the only way all three of us are happy.”

Y/N mulled the idea over. There was only really one way to know whether or not the idea will work.

Y/N’s face glazed over, her once E/C eyes turning into a brilliant violet. Y/N could see flashes of her future repairing itself back. Steve, smiling and happy, Y/N happy along with him. She could see heartbreak in the future, as that was inevitable with an immortal who loves a mortal, but she pushed that aside. She did not care about that for now.

Instead her eyes saw the golden throne room of Asgard. Her sitting in the middle, her brothers’ towering figures sitting next to her. Three glittering crowns rested on each of their heads, their faces regal yet kind. They looked like a unit and they looked… happy.

Yes.

That’s what that was.

Happiness was radiating off of the three of them like beams of sunlight that drowned out the darkness.

Gone was the coldness that Y/N had previously seen when she sat on the golden throne alone. Instead, her brothers and her was radiating joy, contentment, even love.

“What is it? What do you see?” Thor asked earnestly.

“A future,” Y/N said in a daze. Her eyes focused, losing its violet tint. “Our future. And Thor it is wonderful.”

Excitement lit Thor’s eyes up. “So this will work?”

“I’m not saying there won’t be hardships but yes. It will work.”

For the first time in months, Y/N felt something blossom in her chest. She felt the warm blanket of hope settle in her chest, filling the once gaping hole in her heart.

This time, the tears and streamed down her face was not of anguish but pure unbridled joy.

She leapt into her brother’s arms, squeezing him tightly as she breathed in his scent of cedar wood. She could feel the frantic beating of her heart, the ice that once surrounded it now thawed.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” She muttered the words repeatedly, a reverent prayer that was swallowed up by the sound of her own blubbering sobs.

“For you, sister. Anything,” Thor said, hugging her equally as hard.

Y/N pulled away, wiping at her teary eyes. “We must draft the decree as soon as possible. We cannot keep our people in the dark about this. And the team. We need to tell them too. I want to live on Earth as much as I can and—“ her voice cracked, her eyes darting towards Steve, “—I don’t know if Steve will ever forgive me for leaving.”

“He will forgive you because he loves you, this I know to be true. Everyday I was on Earth and you were not were days Steve asked about your wellbeing. His love for you burns strong and if this separation has proven anything, it is that you two are meant for one another,” Thor said, his voice laced with determination as he pushed her back down towards the chair she once occupied beside Steve. “You will stay here. I will alert the team and then I will return home to help Loki in drafting the decree. We will declare the decree as soon as you can return to Asgard. Alert me if there are any problems.”

Y/N simply nodded, the elation that filled her chest now shriveling at the sight of Steve’s lifeless body.

Y/N barely registered when Thor exited the room and her exceptional hearing certainly didn’t register when he spoke to the team regarding her tenure at the compound. All of Y/N’s concentration was focused on the man sleeping by her side.

The steady rise and fall of Steve’s chest was the only thing Y/N focused on.

Humans were fragile beings. Even if Steve had the supersoldier serum flowing through his veins, even if was worthy of Mjolnir, even if he was stronger than most human beings, it didn’t erase the fact that he was still human.

Three weeks without food would kill him. Three days without water would kill him. Three minutes without oxygen would kill him. Time would kill him.

It was difficult to imagine that this man, this wonderful man who stood up against Thanos, who wielded Mjolnir, who fought against hundreds of alien creatures far more powerful than he was, could be defeated so easily. Seeing him this way, so pale and fragile had a snake of misery curling around Y/N’s heart.

She knew that death was inevitable for Steve. He would die and she wouldn’t. She would carry on living for thousands of years while Steve’s body withered into dust and bones. Even though Y/N was one of the foremost minds in the universe with both magic and science at her fingertips, not even she could stop death. Theirs is a love doomed from the start.

A sudden feeling of hopelessness slammed into her.

What was 60 years to the life of an immortal? For her to sacrifice so much—the throne, her brother’s happiness—for 60 years with Steve? She knew it was worth it but doubt had begun to creep in.

She looked at his face. He was serene, his eyes closed, his breathing deep. He looked as he always did whenever Y/N watched him fall asleep. Peaceful and relaxed. Well, with the exception of his stitched up forehead.

She brushed her warm fingers over is cold hand, feeling the rough callouses on his palm, the hard planes of his fingernails, the deep crevices that marred the surface.

She intertwined their fingers, her small hand feeling secure against Steve’s giant hand. At his touch, all the doubt that had crept in, all the hesitation and trepidation, the fear that had ice coating her heart, melted away.

Time with Steve, no matter how short, will be worth it. A human lifetime of joy and happiness would cause her an insurmountable amount of grief in her long immortal life for when Steve passes but it will be worth it. After all, what is grief if not a reminder of the love that had once permeated a person’s life?

She felt Steve’s fingers begin to curl around her hand. Her eyes snapped towards his face to find his wonderful smile, his beautiful blue eyes crinkled at the sides. His once pale skin flushed as color rushed to his cheeks, washing away the death that chased him.

“You look like you’re thinking of something deep.” His voice was just as Y/N remembered it to be. A deep tenor that knew the right notes to play in order to dance with her emotions.

She tightened her hold on Steve’s hand. “Queens are prone to fits of deep contemplation. It’s an inevitable side effect that comes with the job.”

“Side effect, huh,” Steve said as he pulled his body up in a sitting position. He didn’t even so much as grunt in pain. “I think I prefer being able to drink without getting drunk.”

Y/N was never one for idle talk and she couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Steve, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left and broke my promise. I’m sorry that I was too much of a coward not to wait for you to come back. I could apologize to you for a thousand years and still not earn your forgiveness. I—“

“Y/N, stop,” Steve tugged her hand, placing a soft kiss on her palm. “I understand why you left. You don’t have to apologize.”

“Yes, I do,” Y/N insisted. “How can you forgive me that easily? I betrayed your trust!”

He smirked at her. “As far as betrayals go, running off to rule your kingdom after your father’s death is one of the nobler ones.”

“Steve—“

“I forgave you a long time ago. I understand why you left, you don’t have to apologize for that.” He tugged their intertwined hands forcefully enough that Y/N stood up from her chair. “Now, come here. I miss my girlfriend and I’d like to give her a hug before she has to leave again.”

Y/N climbed into the bed with Steve. She wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea for her to encroach on her boyfriend’s space after he’d been severely injured but Steve didn’t seem to mind. She also knew Steve long enough to know that nothing would stand in his way if he wanted something and right now, what he wanted was to hold her. She felt Steve’s massive arms wrap around her body as she settled into the warm blankets.

Steve’s scent seemed to envelope around her like a cocoon. She could hear the steady beating of his heart against is chest, could feel the rising and falling of his chest in time with his breathing. They lay side by side, her hand pressed against Steve’s chest, his fingers tracing a pattern around her back that had her shivering.

“You know, when you left, I almost lost my mind,” Steve’s voice seemed to rumble from his chest. “I was hurt. You left so suddenly and I had plans for us. You know, we even managed to get home early and I was so excited for the dinner I’d planned because I knew how happy I was going to make you. But then you were gone and the only thing I had left of you was a video of your goodbye. I was angry at you.”

“That’s a valid emotional human response,” Y/N said, pushing away her feeling of guilt. Steve clearly needed to get whatever he wanted to say off his chest and Y/N will endure whatever negative emotion she has to feel if it meant Steve would feel better.

Steve continued tracing patterns around her back and mind followed the trail of his fingers. Was he tracing dots and dashes on her skin? “But then I realized that it was selfish of me to be angry with you. For me to be angry at you because you ran off to do the noble thing of leading your people would make me a pretty terrible person. All I want to do now is to cherish whatever time we can spend with each other no matter how short.”

At that, Y/N couldn’t stop her grin. “About that…”

Steve paused, his finger hovering in the air. “You’re not leaving so soon right?”

“Quite the opposite, really.”

“You’re staying?” Steve’s grin was infectious and a smile began to pull at Y/N’s own lips. Steve’s finger continued to trace the little pattern he was making.

“Yes.”

“What about Asgard?”

“My brothers and I have made a plan. I’ll tell you later. Right now I just want to enjoy this moment.” She snuggled closer to Steve, letting the joy and happiness she felt run wild. It felt like centuries since she last felt this happy and the temperature in the room reflected her emotions. It felt like a beautiful summer day as the smell of orange blossoms filtered through the white sterile room of the infirmary.

Y/N had begun to decipher the pattern Steve had been tracing. Dots followed by a series of dashes. Was that morse code?

“Are you tracing morse code on my skin?” She peered at Steve through her lashes, an eyebrow raised in question.

Steve’s grin widened. “Yes.”

“What are you writing?”

“I love you.”

Her own grin widened. “I love you too.”

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chalkrevelations · 2 years ago

Text

HOW WE FEELING VEGASPETE NATION?

Because can I tell you? CAN I TELL YOU?

It’s like someone cooked up all the rest of the coke in that warehouse from Ep 7 and then shot it straight into my veins. Someone is going to have to come to my house and peel me off the ceiling.

LISTEN. On April 16, close enough to my birthday that it makes no difference, like the universe said, “Here, have something gorgeous to make up for the absolute shitshow of the last two years,” I was scrolling the kinnporsche tag and saw the “consume you” trailer. And I waited patiently. And then on April 21, I saw a biblebuild post, the one with Build’s sly little glance up at Bible in between his adorable little peace signs, and I had an inkling that I might be in trouble. And I waited patiently. And then Pete kicked the shit out of a guy, my beautiful new best beloved exposing that shroud of grey he keeps himself wrapped in and imprinting himself on my brain, and then Vegas got head-butted by Porsche and went home to have an orgasm and a cigarette in his freaky-deaky dungeon, and on May 8, I posted my first defense of Vegas, because I stanned Chris Keller, do you think I’m afraid of Vegas Theerapanyakul? And I WAITED PATIENTLY. And then they released the WDYS MV, with Pete’s vulnerable wrists like a glimpse of a Victorian ankle, which was a personal attack on me personally, and I continued to WAIT PATIENTLY. And then on May 14, I officially planted my Vegaspete Nation flag, and since then, through weeks of Vegaspete manic street preaching, I have kept the faith, and I have kept the faith, and I have kept the faith, and NOW. NOW, after so much giving, I continue to receive.

I CANNOT BELIEVE the payoff they gave me in this episode. From Vegas’s declaration to Porsche - not even three minutes in - when he’s also the softest and most gorgeous he’s ever looked, and therefore still Pete’s Vegas even though Porsche is the one looking at him; to Vegas’s declaration to Pete not just of love but that it would be worth it to die by Pete’s hand and the way he reached out to touch Pete’s face with his own bloody hand to kiss him in the softest iteration of that tableau we’ve seen yet; to Pete walking away from the main family with his bloody wings painted on the back of his shirt because he chose Vegas, lost his wings to fall, willingly, by choice; to Pete’s anguished pleas for Vegas to turn around and see him, the way Vegas has seen him in the past, the way no one else has ever ever seen him; to the way that I knew, I knew never to doubt Pete for an instant in this episode, no matter what his actions were, because of the way the lighting and framing and filters and styling all gave us the extra-gorgeous version of Build that we’ve only ever gotten when we’re looking at Vegas’s Pete, from the very first moment we see Pete in this episode and all the way through to the end, and the way Pete proved that to me by shooting down the person who shot Vegas without thought, without even looking at them, without even caring about who it was, and the way the narrative never pays the slightest bit of attention to who it was, as if to emphasize that no one has any importance to Pete other than Vegas; to the way Vegas - despite Pete being willing to metaphorically put that handcuff back on if that’s what it took to get through to Vegas - the way Vegas was finally finally able to metaphorically unlock it.

I am going to buy an airplane ticket to Thailand ... and y’all gotta understand how much I hate to fly, how absofuckinglutely relieved my partner was when we finally got all the family moved within driving distance so he could STOP worrying that I was gonna be hauled off by TSA and strip-searched for muttering darkly about the 4th Amendment and Security Theater every time we had to fly somewhere for a family visit ... ANYWAY, I’m going to buy an airplane ticket to Thailand, and I’m gonna go kiss everyone at BOC. WITH TONGUE.

Be On Cloud, BOX SET WHEN?

#i'm sure there will be more later #but i just #:flaps hands weakly:#i gotta go watch all the vegaspete stuff again #and again #and yet again #vegas theerapanyakul #pete phongsakorn #MY BELOVEDS #vegaspete #kinnporsche #how we feeling vegaspete nation?#are we winning?#BECAUSE I THINK WE'RE WINNING #liveblogging ep 14 i guess

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rcksmith · 4 years ago

Text

Spring breeze part.4 — Spencer Reid

Icon by @obiwansjedi

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3

Sumarry: After the breakup, Spencer and the Reader follow different paths and lives. But, after 8 years, Gideon's death brings an avalanche of emotions, putting the two face to face again in a reencounter that could break their hearts again — season 10 —

Couple: Spencer Reid /Gideon's daughter!reader.

Warnings: mention of death, mention of violence, death of the father, depressive thoughts, murder, crying, swearing, a lot of anguish, mention of love, fluff (but it has a very fluff too, I'm not a monster)

Word count: 5k.

A/N: This is the most sad chapter that has, I promise that the next will be very cute.💖

I saw Gideon's death episode again to make it as faithful as possible for you guys. I used the original Criminal Minds chronology too, being 8 years from Gideon's last appearance until his death.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Let me know if you want to be added for a taglist for a specific fandom (Criminal Minds, The Umbrella Academy, Riverdale, Roman Godfrey, or all)

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

— — — — —

Hunting bandits. Save people. Improve the world a little bit every day. Those were the three things Spencer believed it was worth to be at BAU. It was worth fighting for, holding on, staying sleepless for days, being haunted by murderers by day and nightmares at night. For what it was worth looking at the abyss, even when it looks to you

Reid could deal with human perversion, with the thousand and one ways to practice heinous crimes, the sowing of evil and cruelty. He could cope with constantly being inside insane minds, learning his whys and mechanisms. He could take it. He put up with it day after day, case after case. He endured being tortured, stay being held at gunpoint, having a piece of his essence plucked with red-hot iron month after month. Spencer knew he could handle it.

But he couldn't handle death. Goodbye. It shattered his soul far more than difficult cases, pushed his own sanity to the limit. Perhaps burying his feelings as deeply as possible was just a method of delaying the wave that would drown him at one time or another. Inevitably.

Each farewell took a piece of Reid away. His father, his mother, Ellie, you, Gideon, JJ, were just a few of the people who left, living their lives elsewhere. But what about those who died? The victims, the children, Hayley, Maeve, Emily (even if only for a short time) and so many others. These took much more than a piece of him. Maybe costu his whole soul.

Spencer felt himself harden over the years, the cases, loss after loss, day after loss. He felt the purity of his own heart slip through his fingers like sand, the faith in humanity to be put to the test. Sometimes even faith in himself.

Was that the price to pay for that job? Being constantly vulnerable? See his life and the lives of the people his loved most at gunpoint?

It was worth?

Maeve's death shook him more than any other, sucking all the pink glow from his world, leaving him with only the cold feeling of hopelessness. A very deep void. It took a long time for memories of she not to hurt like red-hot iron, for his breathing not to be heavy. It took a long time to be happy again.

And when Spencer felt healed from the deepest wounds, the most visceral pains, he was hit again. Deeply. If Maeve's death was a wave that brought him down, Gideon's death was the tsunami that destroyed him.

“It's Gideon.” Hotch's voice confirmed the fear of everyone in that cottage.

Then Spencer felt shattered. Torn apart. Torn like a rag doll and placed on the fire. He wanted to scream, to scream so loudly that he would never regain his voice. He wanted to break something, destroy some, run away.

But run away from whom? From what? That pain or himself? If Spencer had been able to tear off his own skin at that time and be someone else, he would not have hesitated. Not having dropped to his knees in that cottage was a miracle, because Spencer no longer knew what was holding him upright.

Jason Gideon, in many ways, was all that Spencer had. He knew that they took different paths and traveled different roads, living different lives, but he believed that they always end up on the same, even one they was old. Spencer was sure that if he was dying on his knees, Gideon would be to rescue him. For all those 8 years, it was extremely comforting to think that Gideon was out there, living life, finding the hope he had in college, finding the brilliance the world had.

And Reid knew that Jason had you. And you had Gideon. That was the most soothing and comforting thought. No matter what, he knew that you would take care of Jason, just like he would take care of you. But now... now Spencer's world had dissolved in the air. Like a sandcastle knocked over by the wind.

And the pain was surreal.

When he realized, he had left the room, close to the... body. If he could, Spencer would have moved away from himself. How would he take it? One more death, another psychopath. How many other people he love will are died at the hands of the work he did every day?

The answer to all of these questions was frightening, and Spencer wasn't sure if wanted them.

The trip to the coroner was the worst Reid had ever done, talking about the body was the worst conversation he had ever had. And when Morgan put his hand on his shoulder and said that he couldn't close himself now, that they were going to get that son of a bitch, all Spencer wanted to say was that he couldn't take it anymore. That he couldn't breathe. The emptiness was too oppressive. So much visceral pain.

But that was not what Spencer said. He just clung to the only lifeguard in the middle of the rough and deserted sea: justice. Gideon deserve it.

Reid doesn't know how he managed to get back to the Gideon’s house, how he managed to hear Hotch and Rossi talking about what could have happened. But he was there, standing, by some miracle.

“Do you know who might want to have done this?” Hotch asked Stephen, who had arrived, his eyes red from the crying he struggled to hold.

“No. I know he had a list of things he wanted to do before he died... That's how we came back to speak, one of the things was to get back in touch.” His voice was so reminiscent of Gideon's that it was stabbed in the heart of Reid.

“Didn't he talk about being chased? Feeling anything strange?” Rossi commented.

Reid watched Stephen's expressions carefully, first because he reminded Gideon a lot, and second because he looked for any clues in his reactions.

Stephen took a second to think before saying: “No, but we both don't keep in touch daily, you know?” He swallowed a sob, probably with regret, but then his eyes lit up with some information: “'But Y/n surely know, they both spoke to each other every day, if my father was thinking differently, surely she know.”

The mention of your name hit Reid with a very different wave. Bringing a very different feeling than it should. At that moment, he felt himself holding the air.

For a second, a lapse of consciousness, Spencer had not connected any of this with your physical presence. The notion that you were Gideon's daughter was obvious but, for some reason, Spencer didn't think about the fact that you were going to be there. That you would share the same air with him again, the same place...

“We will have to call her, bring her here to see if something has been left, or taken. If there is anything important on the scene.” It was Hotch.

“I called her as soon as you guys called me.” Stephen said “She arrived from California the day before yesterday, my father and she were going to travel.” He tried to swallow the crying, his eyes trembling.

"And you weren't going?" Rossi added.

“I have a son and a wife.” He gave a smile broken by the sadness of the mourning “They would stop by before I go… Y/n was going to tell me the news, since our schedules hardly match much, she works as an astronomer in…”

“Caltech.” Spencer completed, without even realizing it, like a thought out loud.

“Yea.” Stephen agreed.

Spencer felt a chill go from head to toe, and another ton of feelings were thrown at his back. The reality that he was going to see you again hit him hard. Like an arrow. Suddenly, Reid wanted to get out of there. Run as far as possible.

He couldn't see you. He had no ability to deal with those feelings now. Not now, when his life was so overwhelmed with emotions for Gideon’s death that he still hadn't dealt Not when you aroused the feeling of... hope. Spencer can’t could hope, of any kind. Not for them to be taken from him with visceral force. Reid was already hurt enough for handling another fall.

“... But I don't think it's a good idea for my sister to be here, anyway.” Stephen continued to speak.

Rossi and Hotch frowned: “Why?”

“They were very connected. Seeing this scene is not going to do her any good...” he sobs this time “Y/n is not like me… she is sentimental, emotional. ”

“As long as you're trying to stay calm, she'll be the opposite.” Hotch completed.

“I just don't want my sister to suffer anymore and...”

But it was too late for Stephen to complete. It was too much for Spencer to escape. It was too late to be born again, in a different life.

A gray car moved forward on the stone road, at too high a speed not to have washed several road fines. That was so much typical of you who hurt Spencer's heart pieces more than he thought possible. More than he thought he could feel at the time. You were always so wild at the wheel. But Reid didn't have time to finish a thought, not even Rossi, Hotch, Morgan who was with them or even Stephen. Because car brutally stopped it, the door opened and…

And it was as if the sun came out from behind the clouds after years. As if summer had finally come after decades of overwhelming winter. In a burst, everything you've ever represented for Spencer has come back for him once again. And he felt the same thing that he felt when he first saw you, 8 years ago. And he was catatonic.

You got out of the car in a very hurried and desperate way. And as much as there were tears in your eyes and redness in cheeks, Spencer has never seen anyone so beautiful. Your hair was longer, in a brighter shade, maybe you had dyed it. Your features were more lyrical and beautiful, and Reid thought that the passage of time had no effect on you. While he considered himself just less clumsy over the years, you proved to be blooming like Romania's most superb rose.

“DAD!” But that was when your desperate voice brought Reid's consciousness back to earth.

You weren't calling your brother, you weren't asking why, you weren't in mourning. You were in denial. Disbelieving. You called out to your father, with the certainty that he would show up. And the despair in your eyes hurt Reid more than being shot.

But before the agents could do anything, you were running towards the house and Stephen ran towards you, taking you in his arms, trying to keep you from getting inside.

“LET ME GO, STEPHEN!” You struggled, trying to get rid of your brother's arms, your hair messing with the wind, tears streaming down your eyes. “They are wrong! It's not our father! Let me fucking go! DAD!”

“Y/n” Stephen had a broken heart in his eyes, some tears streaming down his eyes “You need to calm down before you get in there !”

“LET ME GO!” Yours sobs broke the hearts of the four agents over there “DAD!” You was cryng out, almost like a prayer, in a desperate call.

"He's gone, Y/n.” Your brother kept his arms stronger in you, trying to contain you while you struggle in trying to break free and go inside the house, under the illusion that you would find your father there.

“NO!” Now your crying was continuous “I spoke to him yesterday! It's not him, Stephen!” Then your brother turned you to him, holding you tight, and you melted into a visseral pain “It can't be him!”

“I know...” he sobbed, looking at you with the same shared pain “I know...”

So you gave yourself up to a painful, loud and desperate crying, the kind that won't let you breathe. And, unlike Reid, you fallen down. Your knees found the stone and grass floor, your hands clasped on Stephen's shirt, who knelt on the floor with you, delivered the pain you both shared.

You knew what your father's risks were in working in such a dangerous profession. Expose yourself to constant and frightening danger. You always knew about the risks, you just tried to ignore them all your life, sinking your fears about your father not coming home at night. Then, when he let the BAU, that fear dissipated. You felt a colossal weight being lifted off your shoulders, like tons of lead, and you let go of a fear so great that you didn't even know you had it.

For 8 years you thought that the chances of him not coming home were over, that the chances of seeing him the next day had increased dramatically. For 8 years you two traveled together, stopping at every type of diner for milkshake, chocolate ice cream and mint - his favorites - For 8 years you had your best friend, the only thing you knew you had in the world. You always knew that if you were drowning in the ocean, it would be your father who would give his lungs for you to breathe.

You didn't see a life without Gideon.

For you, you were crying for hours in what one day was your father's backyard, totally devastated, but for the rest of the world it was a matter of minutes.

Your sobs were so loud and real that Hotch and Rossi caught themselves with watery eyes, perfectly understanding the pain you were going through, the devastation. The two had lost many people, many of them being essential pieces to be able to continue breathing. Many of them felt wounds that would never heal.

But it was Rossi who approached you, the pain at the top of his throat, his mind wandering the day Gideon said he was going to have a little girl. Unlike Stephen, Rossi never saw you in person, but the sparkle in Jason's eyes whenever he talked about you, or with you on the phone, was enough to know that you were one of the essential pieces to keep breathing.

“Hi, my name is Rossi.” He knelt in front of you and your face went towards him, your cheeks and nose as red as your eyes.

“M-my dad talked about you."” You were still sobbing, slowly letting go of Stephen's shirt.

"Good things, I hope.” The two of you laughed like a sigh, and soon the pain returned to your eyes in a visseral way. “I know this is not fair, and I know it is asking too much, but I need you to go inside and try to find something out of place. Something that whoever did this to your father may have taken or left. ”

You closed your eyes in pain, tears streaming as you sobbed. Your hands, trembling and cold, went to your face, perhaps trying to hide from reality, perhaps wiping away tears. Maybe both. When you looked back at Rossi again, you saw the pain in his eyes too.

"I don't know if I can do it.” You admitted, your voice shaking.

"I know.” Rossi took his hand to yours, squeezing comfortingly “But only you can help us now, help other daughters not lose their father to the same killer. Being inside in the house can bring information that is in your subconscious. I promise you will make it, we will all be here with you.”

His handshake got stronger, and it reminded you of your father. That should have been the same way he comforted the victims' relatives, the way he was supposed to act with people.

'Everyone is somebody's son.' That's what Gideon said. It hit you like an atomic bomb. And, for a moment, you thought it was possible to die of sadness.

You squeezed Rossi's hand tightly, as if you were looking for courage. When you opened eyes again, you gave a weak nod. Carefully, as if any sudden movement is capable of causing you more pain, you stood up, your legs wobbly, your heart bleeding, sadness clouding your vision. Rossi put his hand behind your back, in a way to make sure him were there, as an anchorage in reality that would not let you get lost in the valley of sadness and pain.

As you walked up to the house, you didn't see the other agents, you didn't see the trees, the cars. At that time, you didn't even know what color the sky was anymore. It was like a suspended moment, when the world is in slow motion, the hemisphere is terrified. The sadness was palpable in the breeze, in the way that the rays of the sun did not reach the ground. The whole land looked like mourning.

As soon as you stepped inside the house, the smell of home and Gideon hit your nose, and you felt your face tighten in an expression of pure pain. You didn't notice the agents coming in behind you, you didn't notice Penelope and JJ. You just saw the furniture, the decor, his stuff. As if Gideon had just left for the market and was going to come back.

Everything was in was there. Minus the most important thing: him.

You did not notice when Rossi left you, you did not notice who approached. Everything was in a haze of pain.

But that's when you saw the strong blood marks on the floor, stuck to the wood with possession. A cold shiver as sighed from death ricocheted through your entire body, bristling all over your skin. In a burst, like the bursting of a violin string, the mist dissipated, the state of tupor burst, and reality hit you with overwhelming force.

And then the plug fell.

Jason Gideon had died.

You fell again, barely noticing the sobs and loud crying starting to come out again, the most desperate and painful in you life. But this time the arms that took you were different, bringing with you sensations that you haven't felt in a long time. That a long time ago you forgot that you could feel.

They were long, thin, and contained a vigor hidden beneath the thin facade. The smell of his presence was… heaven. That feeling was your anchorage on the high seas, in the valley of despair, and you clung to him for fear of drowning, of not finding your way back home.

You didn't have to see it to know who it was.

You turned to the arms that took you, now Spencer kneels with you on the floor, and you cried in a way that you never cried before, with a visseral pain. Your hands went to the brown cardigan he wore, closing there as if the fabric was your only chance for salvation.

So you looked at the immensity of the his brown irises.

"He was the only thing I had, Spen.” You sobbed loudly with the crying, gently swaying his coat, your voice utterly torn.

Spencer felt his eyes sting, his throat lock and the remains of what was his heart ache in a hideous way.

“I know.” He felt a tear run down his left cheek, his hands on your arms.

At this time, the two of you supported each other. Gideon meant a lot to you two. An irreplaceable role in yours life. And Spencer knew that was what you were talking about when you said:

"He was the only thing we both had.” You closed your eyes, your hands still firmly on his coat, your heart pounding.

But this time Spencer's voice was just as broken when he said: “I know.”

Then he hugged you.He hugged you for everything. He hugged you because it was a pain that only you two could understand. He hugged you because you needed it, and because he needed too.

Jason Gideon had a special connection with you two, a connection that only the two of you had ever experienced. Each relationship with Gideon was different, special in different ways, but only the two of you had him as a protector, mentor, a much more paternal and confidant figure. He was the kind of person you could leave your life in his hands, the kind who would teach you the secret of the worlds, show you what goodness was and at the same time strength. And you two had that.

You stained Reid's coat with tears, and Reid stained you with the strong smell he had. He stepped far enough away to be able to see your face perfectly, at a considerable distance, and, against everything he had ever done before with anyone, he took your face in his hands, his eyes fixed on your in pain shared.

“We will catch how did it.” Reid assured you, as if he had tattooed this words on your skin. You closed your eyes in pain, but he brought you back “Hey, keep looking at me."

So you did it. Because you would always follow Spencer. To hell if he asked.

"Don't take your eyes off mine, okay?” His voice was so sweet, so gentle, and you couldn't have done anything but agree. “When was the last time you spoke to Gideon?”

“Yesterday.” You replied “We were going to travel to the beach today, I took a vacation from work.”

“Was he at home when you two talked?”

The team looked at each other, with several questions in those look.

You denied it, the hiccup now because of the shortness of breath you had because of the crying.

“He stopped at Roanoke for...” and that's when you seemed to remember something.

Your eyes widened softly, your lips trembled, and you let out a stammering sigh as you try to remember something very important.

“What do you remember?” Spencer stroked your cheeks with his thumbs, trying to calm the beating of your heart that went back to being frantic and making you focus on the question, not the sea of emotions you felt.

“He…” was when your eyes fluttered before meeting Reid's again. “He said he saw a woman on the news who was found dead. And ... and that he had to make sure of one thing ”

Rossi looked at Hotch, who gave an attentive and objective expression.

“Did he tell you why?” His eyes closed again and you sobbed. Reid moved closer, bringing your face back in his direction again “Look at me, Y/n.”

As soon as you did, he gave you a gentle smile, but contained all the pain in the world. He understood what you were felling.

“Why was he interested in the case?” He changed the question.

“I-it was something about...” you searched in your mind “Girl named Tara. I don’t know. He mentioned about a blue butterfly tattoo on her ankle as well, and that it was something to do with a… a case or something.”

“1978” Rossi interrupted and everyone looked at him “Gideon and I worked on a case in 1978, the suspect was never caught and Tara was a teenager who we thought had been kidnapped by him. The killer left dead birds in the hands of the victims ”

“But he didn't mention birds and...” That's when your eyes, fluttering, darted around the room and you stopped abruptly.

Spencer turned his attention to you again, seeing that you were staring somewhere. His hands slowly left your face and he asked:

“What?”

“The board.” You pointed to your father's board, which had a beautiful brown bird.

“Does say anything to you?” Rossi turned his attention to you.

You shook your head, your body too exhausted to go to the painting and examine it.

“He shot the board.” You looked at the agents “My father loved that painting, he never would have done that. Even though my father is stunned, he has the best aim I have ever seen.”

“The devil is in the details." Rossi went to the pinting and, after two seconds, turned to the team and said “I already know who did this.”

You let out a gigantic sigh of relief as the agents split up to continue the case, speaking so fast that you couldn't keep up.

“I helped?” You looked at Spencer, tears still shining in your eyes.

He smiled and nodded “Very.”

But when he got up, you took his hand, making Reid turn his attention back to you again, a questioning look on his face.

“You're going to get it, aren't you?” The sob invaded your voice "Promise me that you will catch him, Spen."

Reid took his hand in your, giving you a strong, comforting squeeze before saying:

"I will. I promise.”

And then he left, along with the other agents.

- - -

You thought you knew what pain was, the loss, the tightness in the heart. You thought that your many relationship breakdowns showed you what it was like to suffer. But you have never been so wrong. None of that compared to how you were now, to what you felt.

You would trade that feeling for anything in the world.

This was terrible. A cold, coercive, brutal and cruel feeling. As if you were at the bottom of a black ocean, unable to breathe, falling deeper and deeper, consumed by the overwhelming cold of the water.

It was impossible to say in words how you felt. But if it were you had to define it in one word you would say: pain. A pain that bends you, a pain that makes you want to scream, that pierces your lungs so that it is not possible to breathe, but that even so, you fight for air.

It was pain at its rawest, most brutal, sharp and atrocious like a dagger blade. You would go through Dante's hells for eternity instead of living one day with that pain.

Since Spencer and the agents went after the person in charge, you have sat on the steps of the front door, watching the nature, the shaking of the trees, but your attention was so far, far away. Perhaps unattainable.

Gideon always loved watching the seasons go by, and in that moment, you wondered if looking at the same thing he looked at every day would make you feel close to him. Feel with him. It had only been three days since you last saw him, when he picked you up at the airport, but you felt like you were past three lives. How would you go without it? How were you able to think of living without it?

You pulled your knees up against your chest, hugging your legs, the metallic, atrocious and icy taste of devastation stuck to yours in your mouth. The trees shook hard, forcing the birds to fly away, but you didn't feel cold. You were not feeling the cold breeze hit your body, nor were your muscles contracting in exhaustion from the hard wood of the steps you were sitting on.

The hunger, the cold, the heat or the craving could not reach you, as if the pain had paralyzed all your system. Probably your soul.

You didn't see when Stephen put father's blanket over your shoulders, nor did you hear his sobs for seeing you so devastated. But you smelled Gideon, and the warmth of the blanket was like having his arms around you again. Then the rest of the water in your body found its way to your eyes and crying was as automatic as breathing.

You were clinging to Spencer taking the son of a bitch who did it, trying to chase away any other thoughts that weren't about that. You didn't want to think about what would happen after he was caught. Which meant his capture for you. It would bring justice to Gideon, honoring his name, his life, but it wouldn't bring him back. What was taken from you would not be repaired, regardless of the end of that damned man.

When he was caught, you would have nothing else to focus on instead.

You don't know how long you stayed there. Hours? Days? The those peach and gold tones in the sky is from dusk or the dawn of a new day?

You had lost track of time, as if your watch had stopped since the time Gideon died.

The sound of cars on the road was the only thing that pulled you out of your fucking valley, and as soon as the black SUVs stopped, you stood up as if you had been waiting your whole life for that moment. The blanket fell from your shoulders, heart accelerated at an alarming rate, and for a second, everything was gone from your mind.

Rossi was the first to get out of the car, but yours eyes darted to Reid. You wanted to run, ask what had happened, listen to the answers. But you were paralyzed in place. Afraid of the truth, of reality.

What would become of you after that news?

Spencer came towards you without hesitation, and you couldn't take your eyes off him for a second. He didn't say anything, nor did he explain anything. It was not needed. The way he reached out his hand and placed your father's rings in your palm were enough answers.

Your whole body shook and you looked at Reid with more emotions than askers.

"He is dead." He told you, and it made you fall down again.

But this time you fell into his hugging, clinging to him in despair. There were many meanings in that embrace: gratitude, relief, fear, pain and grief. And Spencer hugged you back in the same way.

You two stayed that way for a while, even when the agents went to talk to Stephen, even when Garcia and JJ left the house, even when the cold wind hit you both.

“Thanks." You heard yourself say it, and Spencer shook his head, signaling that it wasn't necessary, and the two of you moved away.

So you went to Rossi, and hugged him too. In that second, Rossi could feel Gideon in that hug, and it took a second to not cry.

“Your father was a great man." He told you when the two of you walked away, and you agreed on a sad smile.

"He was." You looked down at the rings in your hand, staying a second there before turning to the agents and saying: “You guys are going to the funeral, aren't you? I ... my dad would like it w-very much.”

"Of course." Rossi guaranteed it.

As they walked away and went back to the car, heading for their own houses, your eyes met Spencer's and he whispered in the air to you:

“I will see you at the funeral."

You nodded, giving you a sad, grateful smile. And while everyone was leaving and you were looking at the rings in your hand again, you had a feeling that your story with Spencer had just started over.

A/n: I also lost a very important person to death, and for everyone who went through it too, I mean that no one is alone! My message box is open if you need anything! Love you❤️

Tagged @gublersuvula

@peculiarinsomniac

@measure-in-pain

@nobutalsoyes

🍒 @misshale21

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sortasirius · 4 years ago

Note

what makes you think the writers want deancas? not trying to be an asshole, i'm just genuinely curious as to why you think that. i know berens' episodes are pretty heavy with subtext so i can see why you'd say that he wants it, but i'm not so sure about the rest of the writers/dabb. it seems like meghan isn't a huge fan either, given her "they twisted it so fast" tweet :/ of course she's a very new writer (think she's only writing one ep this season?) but still

OKAY this is a great question, welcome to my dissertation.

I’m going to address the end of your question first. Meghan is actually DeanCas positive, she has been for quite a long time. She actually, a few years back, posted a picture of her reading a literal book about Destiel and captioned it “writing reading” or something like that.

This whole thing just comes out of a boiling over of tensions because of how nasty fandom twitter can be. Like I said here, I think this has just gotten blown out of proportion, they shouldn’t have posted all this randomly disparaging stuff, but also like...can you blame them? The fandom is a lot, we always have been, and they’re probably also under a gag order not to talk about the finale, and are annoyed that people keep asking.

So nah, Meg is not anti Destiel.

To the first part!! So let’s take a look at the show runners since Cas has been around.

Seasons 4 and 5: Kripke

Seasons 6 and 7: Gamble

Seasons 8-11ish: Carver

Seasons 11ish-15: Dabb

So starting with Kripke. Okay, yes, I will be the first to admit that we have some pretty incredible Destiel moments in these seasons, but it’s less directly written into the plot and much more from Misha and Jensen’s uhhhh ~chemistry~. The only times it was directly written into the script was when the episode was handled by someone like Edlund (“On The Head Of A Pin,” “The End,” “My Bloody Valentine”). And you have to remember, if in season 5, there are moments here and there where you’re like huh that’s suspiciously romantic dialogue, remember that Cas took Anna’s place. Anna was supposed to be endgame for Dean, but due to a myriad of issues and Misha’s general greatness, Anna was replaced with Cas.

Onto 6 and 7. Hmmm. Gamble. 6 and 7 are my two least favorite seasons and that’s no secret, and that’s not only due to the plain old weird shit in the overall storyline, but also that homegirl killed off Cas in s7 and then Bobby like four episodes later. (Also it ALWAYS rubbed me the wrong way they couldn’t have Baby in that season lol). We still had some great DeanCas moments, but again, it wasn’t really written into the overall arc (until they had to change the end of season 7 because of tanking ratings and bring Misha back lol, anyone remember the fact that Dean kept Cas’ jacket and would randomly dream of him? Yeah.). But we still had those moments, those distinctly romantic moments, probably the best example in these two seasons is from Edlund again, specifically “The Man Who Would be King,” I wrote a little about that here.

We move onto Carver, who gave us, at this point, the most overt DeanCas season with season 8 (season gr8 is a better name imo), and this is the first time Dean and Cas’ relationship is directly written as an arc of the season. I mean, you have everything in Purgatory, Dean “seeing” Cas everywhere, the fact that he felt so guilty that Cas stayed in Purgatory that he manipulated his own memories to think that he was the one that failed Cas, because he couldn’t comprehend that Cas would want to leave him, and let’s not forget Dean snapping Cas out of Naomi’s hold on him in “Goodbye Stranger.” It was a very obvious shift, not enough to alert the general audience, but more than enough for most of us in fandom.

It’s also important to note that this is when Andrew stopped co writing with Loflin and started writing his own episodes (”Hunter Heroici” anyone?) I like Loflin fine, but Dabb was able to stretch his legs a little bit more once he stopped co-writing, and we also began to see some DeanCas themes in his solo episodes.

In any case, them and their issues being a big part of the seasons continued with Carver, and Berens entered the scene, his first episode (”Heaven Can’t Wait”) is one of my favorites, with human Cas and the fanfiction gap and Dean and Cas just generally being awkward and funny and sweet. This is Bobo’s FIRST episode, remember that. He comes right out of the gate with it.

Also in Season 9, this is when Dean takes the Mark of Cain, and the Cas/Colette mirror is born, so obviously, Dean and Cas are the fabric of the season once again. This is also the season where Metatron says Cas is “in love with humanity,” and then immediately refers to Dean as Humanity so uhhhh yeah.

Onto season 10, Dabb and Berens continue with their greatness (I could write pages on the DeanCas date in “The Things We Left Behind” alone). And then we have one of the best scenes in the entire show in “The Prisoner” where the Cas/Colette mirror continues and Dean, driven by grief and pain and rage and the Mark, still doesn’t kill Cas. He still can’t kill Cas.

Season 11 is important because it takes choice away from both Cas and Dean, and shows us, as the audience, how much losing each other takes out of them. We saw in season 10 how much losing Dean takes from Cas, but what about Cas losing Dean? Dean loses his choice with his connection to Amara this season, and loses even more when Lucifer reveals he’s been possessing Cas, and plays on Dean’s connection to Cas like a mockery. It’s also worth noting that, similarly to season 8, Dean breaks out of the connection with Amara when he’s worried about Cas, and that’s something that even SHE is surprised by.

But then season 12, the beginning to the Renaissance. This is when we get the writer’s that become important for what Dean and Cas are today, and, truly, why I believe they want canon Destiel as much as we do.

This is the first season with Dabb’s writers: Davy Perez, Meredith Glynn, Steve Yockey, and of course Bobo all come in with their incredible talents and gave us episode after episode of good content. “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” is probably my favorite, probably the best example of what I’m saying. An episode where Dean is called out by an enemy directly, told to “roll the dice” on Cas’ life. And Dean won’t, it’s not even really a hesitation. And this comes from a character that has known Dean for ten seconds. I also wrote more in depth about this episode here. There are also some.....distinctly domestic details we get this season, specifically in “The Future” (written by Berens and Glynn) with the mixtape. The most tropey of tropes mixtape. Yeah, I’ll just leave that one here.

And then season 12 ends with Cas’ death, but also with the parallel between Sam and Dean with Jess and Cas. Sam literally has to drag Dean away from Cas, just like Dean had to drag Sam out of his burning apartment in the pilot. The episode drives it home in every way that it can: Dean is the one left kneeling by Cas’ body, while Sam goes to find out what is upstairs. Dean is the one who stares at the sky, finally broken. This isn’t a random thing, this is Dean’s whole arc, it’s the entirety of the beginning of 13. Dean’s pain, his anguish, his anger.

Season 13 starts with them burning Cas, with Dean, who has begged God to bring him back, who has split his knuckles punching a door, standing, staring at Cas’ pyre with brokenness on his face.

I mean.....

Anyway, season 13 is where it gets interesting (well, I think all of this is interesting but I’m a writer nerd so). So Cas comes back from the Empty in “Advanced Thanatology” written by Steve Yockey, and then a wombo combo of “Tombstone” by Davy Perez next (”Brokebacknatural” as the PR said at the time). Listen. This is the part that SPN crossed a line that they couldn’t come back from. With Cas being Dean’s “big win,” the fact that Dean and Cas watch movies together, “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.” Talked about it here.

This is where, in my opinion, the network stepped in, but the damage was already done. They had already established that Cas was Dean’s big win, that Dean’s poor coping was not due to Mary’s disappearance, but solely due to Cas, and that Dean and Cas have more married energy than anyone else. The network had nixed blatant canon at this point, and they writing room had been pushing the boundaries of what the network would allow.

After these episodes, we see a marked drop off of DeanCas heavy scenes. They’re still there, still a part of the fabric of the season, but not as...obvious as it had been in early season 13.

And this continued through season 14, we’re back to scraps of Destiel scenes here and there, but to me it always felt like there was something bubbling under the surface, something distinctly unsaid in the themes of the season, even after the walk back of obvious “Dean and Cas are in love” scenes.

And then we get to season 15, which, y’all know I talk about all the time. What’s important here is that Bobo and Glynn are both executive producers, calling more of the shots than ever before. Additionally, it’s important to note that, though they only co write occasionally, Glynn and Berens refer to each other as “work husband” and “work wife.” Each episode has just turned up the volume, and, not for the first time, but certainly the most obvious, Dean and Cas ARE the season. Sure, they’re trying to beat God, they’re trying to finally find peace, defeat the final big bad, but really? This season has been about Dean, and Dean’s relationship to Cas.

And not only do we have obvious and clear Destiel in nearly every episode, but we have episodes like “Last Call” which canonize bi!Dean (wrote about that here).

And, maybe most importantly so far, we have “The Rupture,” the breakup, and “The Trap,” Dean’s confession (both written by Berens). And here’s the thing. These episodes feel connected, but also feel like they’re missing something. Beren’s last episode is 15x18, “The Truth.” We’ve all spec’ed about what could happen in this episode, and I think *I* know what it’s leading to. But for it to be leading to that, it means that the network has to have approved what we’ve all been waiting for years for.

Who got this change to happen? Who got the network to change their minds? It wasn’t us. It was them. I am fully convinced that Dabb and Berens quite literally put their careers on the line for Dean and Cas. They believe in them, they’ve shown that from the beginning, but the only thing standing in the way was the network, never allowing them to take the final step.

So, to answer your question: I think the writers want canon DeanCas because they’ve already shown us that they do. Take a look at their episodes, at Dabb’s, at Beren’s, at Glynn’s, at Perez’s, at Yockey’s. They’ve been telling us what’s going on with Dean and Cas for years.

Sure, I’m not in their heads, I guess I don’t know for *sure* that this has been their thought process, but if we put it all together, from the marked shift when Dabb fully took over in s12, to the change right after “Tombstone,” to the new shift, the blatantly romantic shift in season 15, what else is there?

I’ve said for a long time that we, the SPN fandom, are beyond lucky to have the writer’s that we do. They’re all going to go on to have prolific careers and we were lucky to get them at the end of our little show. I give them a lot of credit for what we have in the show today.

Just remember, they’ve been telling us in all of s15 who Chuck is. He says he’s the writer, right? But a writer who doesn’t have control of his characters? A writer who wants to do the same ending over and over because it “works”? That doesn’t sound like a writer, it sounds like a network exec.

They’ve been showing us what they want for years, and the way s15 is going? I think they may have convinced the network to let us have it.

#supernatural #destiel #spn #my writing #anyway yeah i love these writers #welcome to my essay lmao #spn writers #anonymous #lilly answers

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starilicious · 3 years ago

Text

der lagi lekin (hunter x force-user!gn! reader + ep. 8 fix-it)

》 summary: tbb episode 8 fix-it featuring a force-user reader who used to be a jedi. reader is a part of tbb and in a relationship with hunter, but the squad–nor hunter–knows that reader is a force-user. (disclaimer: all of this was written before episode 9 was released! see a/n for an explanation ^_^) (another disclaimer: if you want just the hunter x reader comfort, please let me know and i'll finish it up and post it!)

》 word count: ~8k (yeah, it's a lot LOL)

click here to read on AO3

》 warnings: in-universe swearing, mental breakdown, some slight sensory overloads, pretty mild panic attack, light canon-typical violence, angst + some comfort, survivor's guilt from surviving order 66, no use of y/n, slightly plot heavy because i got way too carried away in writing (whoops?) [if i should add more warnings, please let me know!]

》 spoilers: major ones for tbb episode 8 "reunion"

》 a/n: okay look, i gotta confess: this wasn’t supposed to be an episode 8 fix-it. really. i’m actually glad cad bane won because we get to see that the clones don’t always win every fight... i think it makes for a better and more complex story. anyway, i started out writing just reader and hunter comfort after episode 8 ended. but i’m weak for omega because she reminds me so much of my younger siblings and i ended up writing a wholeass fix-it to save her (even tho cad bane is a downright badass). i kind of liked what i did with building up the plot so much that i might continue this story of force-user!reader with tbb. but that’s a tangent we can deal with later. if you would like a part two with the hunter x reader comfort this was originally intended to be, let me know!

as i said in the summary, i wrote all of this before episode 9 came out–just be aware of that. because it’s so long, it took me a while to edit, which is why i’m posting after ep. 9 was released. but without further ado, i hope you like it! <33

》 misc. notes:

• title of the fic is from the hindi song "der lagi lekin" from the film zindagi na milegi dobara. i linked the song in blue and linked the english translations in green in case you're curious! it's not necessary to listen or understand the song, but i thought it went well with the fic :)

“Everybody get down!” Wrecker yells. You and the squad immediately do as he instructs, diving towards the ground and covering your head. Stars, I hope this works.

The charges the six of you placed around the gigantic cone that surrounds the core cylinder explodes in a deafening blast. You curl into the tightest ball you can manage, breathing so hard that the HUD inside your helmet temporarily fogs up. Metal shards of the explosion rain down on you hard.

For a moment, it seems like nothing happened. But then you hear the telltale, ear-grinding creak of the durasteel and the squad is roughly catapulted forward from the force of the cone beginning to fall down.

You struggle to stand up as you lurch this way and that, trying to regain your balance and stabilize as Tech calls out, “Hold on!”

You quickly glance at the rest of the Bad Batch, trying to see if any of them were hurt. Other than the absolutely terrified look on Omega’s face, all is well considering the circumstances. The metal groans and begins its descent, taking your feeling of being grounded with it. The weightlessness is uncomfortably familiar to say the least, but you ignore it as the six of you scramble to hold on to the side of the cone. You certainly did your fair share of acrobatics back in the war, but feeling it hum around you...it’s too much. It’s too much. You elect to push it back into the depths of your brain. But it doesn’t leave.

It never really does.

Omega’s anxious whimpers come in faintly through your thick helmet and you whip around, frantically trying to find where she is. But before you can find her, the cone lands vertically on its head and the force is so violent that your stable hold on the durasteel is broken. Panicked, you quickly fire a grappling hook towards the ledge where you were previously hanging on. The hook catches and you stop abruptly, the jerky movement almost wrenching your arm out of its socket.

You look down to see Omega falling from someone’s grip and into Hunter’s arms. You can barely tell where anyone is thanks to the lack of light and the incessant motion.

The cone begins to topple onto its side and suddenly, your wire snaps from the tension. You let out a scream of surprise as you plummet downwards, wind rushing past your helmet. ForceIdon’twanttodieohmyMakerohno–

But you never hit the ground, instead being flung sideways as the cone tears into two. On trained instinct, you tuck yourself into a ball to try and roll in order to break your fall instead of using it. That time is long gone.

You land with a sickening thud and hiss in pain as your back hits the metal hard. You hear something crack, but whether it is your armor or something internal, you have absolutely no idea, and don’t have time to check before you black out.

✧✦✧

You jolt awake, a sound making its way into your consciousness. Finally, the damn place stopped moving. You take a few minutes to try and relieve the painful pressure in your chest, reaching up to rip your helmet off because you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe.

You tilt your head back as you struggle to take in air and let the adrenaline subside. You hear voices in the distance and you strain your ears to pick up on the sound as you quickly check yourself over. As far as you can tell, nothing major is broken, and at this point, that is all that matters. Though, your head is pounding, and for more reasons than one

“–nter.. port side... what… status?”

You can’t tell who is speaking, the message too far away for you to hear. But the bits and pieces are enough for you to know that it’s someone from the Bad Batch and that you weren’t unconscious for long. You stand up and dust yourself off before slowly walking to where you believe the origin of the sound is.

“–engine… got company.” A blaster sound and then an explosion rings through the quiet.

Your eyes widen and you quickly pick up the pace, getting your blaster ready as you pick your way through the sharp metal that is jutting out from the ground.

You click on your wrist comm. “Echo, you there?” A faint crackle before his voice comes through, but the signal is scratchy. You frown in frustration.

“–are you? Hunter is... port side,” Echo says and you smack your commlink to try and get the electronics to work, but it’s no use. The device is broken, most likely from the fall, you deduce.

“Meet… Marauder.”

You don’t bother to answer, knowing Echo would probably not even be able to hear what you had to say anyway. Without a signal booster or repeater, there’s no way you can get your transmission across the channel frequency.

It takes a few minutes, but you eventually find the night sky of Bracca blinking down at you at the end of the ripped off cone. You run out to find that you’re in the middle of where the cone broke in half. Okay, new plan. I need to find Hunter. Hunter will know what to do.

You scan your surroundings. The HUD isn’t picking up on any lifeforms near you, and you realize with sinking dread that you have no more options. Whichever piece you climbed through to get to your squadmates, it would take too long for you to search for them since you don’t know their coordinates and your comm isn’t working. Frankly, the Empire–Crosshair–would find you first. You have to use it.

You have to use the Force.

A wave of nausea overcomes you at the mere thought of it and you sway. In an attempt to ground yourself, you tear off your helmet to breathe some fresh air and end up keeling over as the bile rises in your throat. Nothing comes out. You can’t tell if that’s a positive or not.

You could have saved them. Someone. Anyone.

It itches at you in the back of your head, wishing to be let out of its cage. But you can’t. You can’t do it. What’s the use anyway? All you would be doing is saving yourself. The choice of surviving it all has haunted you ever since. Your head pounds in agony.

You saw it happen. You could have helped them. And you ran like a coward. Only ever concerned about yourself.

You inhale sharply as the scene flashes before your eyes, clones shooting at you and the other Jedi. The blaster fire. The confusion. The screams.

How pathetic.

The last statement, an echo of Crosshair’s words, bounces around in your brain. You clutch your head as you let out a heartbroken sob, knee deep in the dirt and metal and grief. Tears create clean tracks down your face as you finally break down, the flood of emotions bursting the dam open. At this point, you don’t know if the emotions are yours or the ones you previously felt through the Force, all of them swirling and blending into one. The bottled up anguish merged together when you attempted to cut yourself off from the Force after the clones–your friends–attacked.

The pain of their death is perhaps the worst of all. Horror courses through you as you finally process your friends and mentors dying around the galaxy, their deaths, their distress, their fear reverberating heavily throughout the Force. Each one cripples you further as you once again struggle to breathe.

It feels like light years pass when you finally calm down to a practically numb state of being. The scenes stop replaying behind your closed eyelids and the echoing shrieks die down to a faint, hollow whisper. You’re suddenly exhausted, limbs heavy and energy sapped. It was almost relieving to finally let the Force once again flow through your body, your nerves lightly tingling with potential despite how tired you feel. You collapse onto the ground and try to recenter yourself.

But despite finally acknowledging the loss, it doesn’t feel right. You didn’t get to say goodbye. You hadn’t been able to even think about them, much less honor them, too focused on going on the run to concentrate on anything beyond the next day’s survival. Even once you joined the Bad Batch, you were paranoid about their chips, about your friends turning on you at any moment. You were always extremely reluctant to engage in the Force, even at the worst of times.

With a start, you realize that you don’t need to worry about your squadmates. Their inhibitor chips are now gone. You… you are safe.

You let out a shocked laugh as it sinks in. A glimmer of hope, of peace. I’m safe.

You sit up then, criss-crossing your legs as you survey the broken landscape of Bracca. Despite the planet being a graveyard, you feel lucidly alive. Perhaps something died in you, that wretched day. But something else, slowly but surely, began growing in its place. It’s meek, but it’s there.

You let out a breath and close your eyes, reaching for the Force like it’s an old friend. It accepts your invitation with hesitation, joining hands with you as if you did not try beating it to death for days on end. You sink into the gentle lapping waves of the Force, extending into it and widening your scope.

There’s something that lurks beneath the surface, in the deep. Dark and sinister and so utterly painful. It calls to you, quiet and low. Enticing. Tempting. And something in you knows that it’s the reason for your previous life’s demise.

But you can feel Hunter’s–and Omega’s, you realize–presence near you in the Force. Even with your relatively damaged connection to the Force after Order 66, the Bad Batch’s Force auras were something you could always hone in on. You let yourself direct your focus to the duo, letting their emotions be your beacon to the acceptance of the Light side of the Force.

In a split second, you decide to not dive deeper into the Force. This isn’t the place nor the time to discover what is prowling in the endless yawning of the Force, to discover why everything happened. So you direct your concentration to the beings on the planet, feeling and breathing your way through the Life Force.

You freeze. There’s something here. No… someone. Your eyebrows furrow as you divert your attention away from your friends and other organisms to the peculiar source. Something about this person strikes you as familiar.

Your eyes snap open and you gasp. I’m not alone. A Force-sensitive. Someone survived. Giddy beyond belief, you snatch up your helmet and begin trekking your way across the wreckage in the opposite direction of Hunter and Omega before pausing. Whoever this person is doesn’t know about your presence on the planet.

And despite the fear you felt emanating off of them in the Force, you somehow knew they were safe, at least for now. And they would remain so if you have anything to say about it. Maker forbid anything that jeopardizes this person’s fragile safety. After all, you know best what it’s like to constantly flee scene after scene.

Staying away is the best thing to do. I’ll come back for you, whoever you are.

You double back and make quick work of getting across the debris as you focus your concentration on Hunter’s and Omega’s Force signatures. As you get closer to the port side, you hear Omega’s high voice. Through your HUD, you can see her small form. You grin. She disappears then, and on closer inspection, you figure she jumped through some broken cargo doors.

The entrance she and Hunter took is too high for you to jump up to, even with the aid of the Force. Combined with your wariness of probe droids, you decide to take a different route from the right side, climbing up the broken ship. The slick oil mixed with the water still present on the metal makes for a difficult trek, and you slip more times than you would like to admit.

Hunter’s gruff voice floats up towards you and you scramble the last few meters to the edge of a hole in the ceiling before pausing. The Force is itching at the back of your head. Something’s wrong.

You peek over the edge of the giant slab of durasteel that created the hole to see bodies in white armor littered everywhere–clones, you realize. Your heart pangs in sadness at the sight.

Slightly to your right, a blue figure and a techno-service droid stand in front of a ship and a frightened Omega stands behind a defensive Hunter. Your mouth drops open. Kriff.

Cad Bane.

A memory from near the beginning of the war hits you in full force. You and Anakin had taken some time on Coruscant to catch up with each other after you passed your trials and were promoted to Jedi Knight. He told you about a mission where he had to stop a bounty hunter who successfully stole a Jedi holocron. You remember how surprised you were when you heard the bitter disgust in Anakin’s voice. The ruthlessly cunning bounty hunter not only threatened to kill Ahsoka, but he murdered Master Ropal.

Judging by the looks of it, Hunter doesn’t know who he is. If the Anakin Skywalker had a difficult time with Cad Bane, there is no way in sithhell Hunter can take him on, even with his enhanced senses. Frankly, you seriously doubt you can either, especially with how rusty your Force skills are now. And that means this isn’t going to end well.

You watch carefully as you tune into the conversation.

“Ain’t you smart?” Bane smirks. “The kid’s got it all figured it out.”

“You’re in trouble now!” the droid exclaims, pointing at Hunter and Omega. You grit your teeth in annoyance.

“Who hired you?” Hunter asks. Stalling. Not a bad move, Hunter.

“Son,” Bane sighs, already done with the brief conversation. “That’s confidential information. Now hand her over.”

Omega stays behind Hunter, taking a knee as Hunter walks forward protectively. You bristle. How am I supposed to help from up here?

“She’s not going anywhere.”

Your eyes drift over the scene in a panic and you take in the fallen clones again. An idea pops into your head. It is desperate, but at this point, you don’t have much of a choice.

Bane mimics Hunter’s movement, walking forward and putting a hand near his belt. The tension is as thick as duracrete.

“That’s unfortunate… for you.”

You grab the long barrel piece from your belt, fitting it over your blaster hurriedly as the showdown begins. Out of the corner of your eye, you see them staring each other down and you can’t help but roll your eyes. Men.

During the war, Crosshair helped you re-engineer your weapon so you could put together various pieces in the field to make a blaster gun that loosely resembled his own sniper. Seeing the clones reminded you of him. A wave of sadness washes over you, but you shake your head. Now is not the time.

You screw on the telescopic sight and set up your makeshift sniper. You peer through the viewfinder and find Bane’s chest. Your finger tenses over the trigger.

You let yourself sink deep into the Force, let it guide your actions. Inhale. Exhale. I can do this. As you relax, the mellow warmth you missed so dearly washes over you, gently eroding the torment in your mind and heart, guiding your focus to the here and now. Trust in the Force.

Wait.

Now.

You fire two bolts straight into your target the same exact moment Bane and Hunter shoot each other. Hunter’s shot hits the droid, breaking off its leg. Bane’s shot hits directly in Hunter’s chest, as yours did Bane. Both men immediately fall backwards and slam into the ground.

“My booster!” Oh. So not a leg. Got it.

“Hunter!”

Kriff kriff kriff. You jump down nimbly from your hiding spot in the ceiling and immediately sprint towards the duo. Is he dead? You would unapologetically release sithhell on Bane if he killed the man you love.

Omega panics as she tries to wake Hunter up, continuously calling his name before taking a glimpse of her surroundings. Before you can react, she grabs her bow and pulls it taut, aiming at you. She looks petrified.

“Whoa! Omega, it’s me!” you exclaim, holding your hands up in surrender. She takes a moment to actually look at you before sagging in relief. Suddenly, the droid comes speeding out of nowhere and Omega shoots, the energy bolt whizzing past your waist and straight into the droid before it can attack you from behind.

The shot rings true and the grumpy robot falls. You turn around to grab at its exposed parts under its head and yank them out to make sure it can’t power on again.

“Thanks, Omega. I owe you one,” you say and Omega gives you a proud smile.

You place a comforting hand on her shoulder before kneeling down to shake Hunter awake, but it doesn’t work. You take a moment to analyse Hunter’s Life Force. It’s a bit dimmer, but it’s constant, meaning he’s out cold and doesn’t have the life draining out of him. You let out a sigh of relief. He’s alive. You glance back to see Bane still not moving. Good.

“What’re we gonna do?” Omega whispers as you both peer down at Hunter. His armor is smoking from Bane’s blaster shot and you exhale through your teeth, trying to come up with a plan. You slip off a glove to check Hunter’s pulse–it’s strong. You don’t want to leave Omega alone, even if Bane is unconscious, but you aren’t sure you have a choice.

“Well we can’t carry him to safety, neither of us are strong enough for that,” you think aloud, gears churning in your head. You would have to wait for help, even if you were sitting ducks.

Briefly, you entertain the thought of taking Bane’s ship. The only problem is you don’t know what trackers or other gadgets are in there–it’s too costly of a risk and a price you weren’t willing to pay. You sigh, resigned.

“Omega, you try to comm the others and see if you can wake Hunter up. I’m going to go inside this guy’s ship and see if I can find something that can help us. We have to get out of here before the bounty hunter wakes up,” you instruct and Omega nods, youthful determination flooding back into her eyes.

You leave her to it, walking cautiously towards Bane’s ship. You look down at him. His armor is smoking in two places from the shots you fired. Based on what you see, he’s still unconscious, and his Life Force reflects the same conclusion. How long that would remain, you don’t know. Which means you need to work fast.

You board the ship while you remove the sniper attachments from your blaster and clip them back onto your belt. You keep your guard up as you look around. No droids. Guess that techno-service droid is his one and only.

In an effort to slowly re-familiarize yourself with the Force, you send out a quick pulse through it to see if there are any lifeforms aboard the ship, relaxing when you find none. You rummage through all the cabinets that you discover, looking high and low as you try to locate something of use. The secret compartment in the cockpit proves to be the fruitful reward to your search. With a wave of your hand, you unlock it with ease. Bingo.

Credits. Bags of them. And they’re unmarked creds, which make your score even better. Hopefully, it would be enough to pay off your debt to Cid and give the Havoc Marauder some much-needed upgrades.

Usually, you would feel bad about stealing from someone, but considering this was a bounty hunter – Cad Bane, no less – you figure you can risk treading the grey area of your moral code.

You grab as many bags as you’re able, stuffing them inside your backpack and clipping the rest onto your belt. At this moment, you’re incredibly grateful to Tech and Echo for designing a sturdy utility belt that fits you well. The standard ones were for clones and you definitely were not a clone.

You exit the cockpit and head to the second level of the ship to see if there’s anything else you can find. A stack of crates sits in the corner across from what you assume to be a prison. You scrunch your nose in disgust as you open one to find medical supplies. Bacta patches and gel, vitapaste, rations, water, gloves, sanitary napkins–it was all there. Delighted, you close the crate and click the repulsor to make it levitate. Oh how you love technology.

You turn around and walk back up the stairs to leave the ship. You freeze at the exit ramp. You have got to be karking kidding me.

“Sorry lil’ lady.”

Cad Bane stuns Omega in front of your eyes before rounding on you and immediately fires. In a desperate attempt to save yourself, you throw your hands up and the honeyed power of the Force rushes through every fibre of your being. The blaster bolts slow down to a snail-like crawl and your eyes widen. How did I…?

Never mind how you argue with yourself. Time to get out of here!

You tiptoe around each bolt, the effort of keeping them in stasis becoming more difficult with each passing moment. You grit your teeth as your arms shake, but you keep going until you are finally off the ramp. You lower your arms and the energy hits the inside of the ship, spazzing out the blinking controls inside.

Bane turns to you in surprise, astonished at how you’re suddenly in front of him. You don’t give him the luxury of processing the event and immediately punch him in the face with as much strength as you can muster. Bane pitches backwards and collapses onto the ground, just as he did the first time. You grab your stun blaster and shoot him as extra assurance. You really did not want this to repeat again. Hopefully he never wakes up with a memory of what I just did...

“Now stay down,” you mutter to a knocked out Bane, cradling your now injured hand. You have no idea how Wrecker ever does this because wow your hand is killing you.

You have to say, you’re pretty proud of yourself for being able to render him unconscious not once, but two times. You wish you could tell Anakin–the thought saddens you. He’s probably dead too.

With that vividly cheery thought, you stagger back from the ramp in exhaustion, weary from the sudden surge of the Force still ebbing and coursing through your body.

None of the Bad Batch knew you used to be a Jedi–not even Hunter. It was something only a few of your closest Jedi friends and the Jedi Council knew about.

But after what happened today, with Rex helping your squadmates get their inhibitor chips out, with you finally letting the Force in… maybe it is time to tell them. The secrecy wouldn’t be needed anymore now that you were sure you were safe around your friends. But clearly, the universe wanted to throw a nasty vibroblade in your plans by knocking Hunter and Omega unconscious and having the best kriffing bounty hunter in the galaxy be hot on your heels.

You take a few seconds to get your breath back and regain your mental energy. You aren’t out of the woods yet. You run inside Bane’s ship to grab the crate of medical supplies before sprinting back out towards Hunter and Omega.

You lean down and pat Omega’s cheek gently, trying to wake her up, but she’s out cold. Why is everyone around me unconscious? Frankly, you’re equally amused and terrified by the situation laid out in front of you.

You sigh, looking around to see if you can find some cover. There’s a giant sheet of durasteel to your left, big enough to act as a barrier in case trouble comes knocking. You bend down and pick Omega up before placing her down cautiously, leaning her small body against the metal. You repeat the action with the crate you found.

The third time proves to be much more difficult. Hunter certainly isn’t as muscular as Wrecker, but he sure as sithhell isn’t as light as Omega. You tap your foot nervously, trying to figure out a way for you to lift him. Yes, you could use the Force, but you don’t want to alert the other Force-sensitive on the planet. If they knew about your existence, it could put them in danger, and that was the last thing you wanted.

Giving up, you place your hands underneath Hunter’s armpits and effectively drag him all the way over, propping him up as you did Omega. You cringe at the sound of his armor grating the floor. There are sure to be dirty scuff marks on it now. Sorry Hunter.

Just as you’re about to sit down next to him, heaving deep breaths from the exertion, you pause. A warning is practically blaring in the Force and you tense, urgently trying to figure out the cause.

“Not again,” you mumble under your breath. You can’t handle any more action today. With Hunter and Omega both down, and your extreme fatigue from engaging in the Force, you don’t know how much of a fight you can put up. Not to mention you never trained as a soldier. There was a reason why you left the military planning strategies to the Bad Batch.

You hold your blaster close to your chest as you scan the environment. Bane is immobile and so is the dismantled techno-service droid. So what’s wrong?

Ten nerve-wracking seconds pass before you get your answer. Clone voices waft up to your hiding spot and you bite your cheek in frustration as your head continues to pound. Your headache still hasn’t stopped.

There is no way you can fight them all off, especially if Crosshair is with them. They are too far away for you to get a read on how many there are, and frankly, you’re much too scared to even peek around the durasteel to count.

One of Tech’s previous statements floats through your mind. About three attack shuttles worth.

You can feel your heart thumping wildly in your chest, blood rushing through your ears as anxiety ties your stomach into knots. I can’t do this, I can’t do this, Ican’tdothis.

You take deep breaths, doing your best to clear your mind and focus. You had to do this. There is no other option other than surrendering or dying. No, damnit, you would go down fighting until the Life Force left you.

You peer just past the edge of the metal to see at least twenty clones heading your way. Certainly not ideal, but you bide your time. If you started shooting now, you couldn’t use the element of surprise to your advantage and they would easily overwhelm you. But once they’re close enough, you hope you can at least take a couple out before having to resort to using the Force. It isn’t ideal, but it’s all you have.

Honestly, you don’t know if you could get out of this one alive, much less protect Hunter and Omega too. Maker help me.

It throws you off when they finally come into sight–you see how plain the clones’ armor looked without paint. You never really noticed it before since you were always running for your life in those circumstances. But now that you think about it, you are so used to seeing bright blue or green or yellow that the alabaster white just seems so… odd.

“Looks like a big fight happened here.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. All these men are dead.”

Now.

You whip your body around the metal and immediately begin shooting as fast as you can pull the trigger, trying to make every shot count. The troopers hesitate for just a moment, most likely due to their surprise of you being there. But that second is all you need.

You take out the three men closest to you before jumping back behind the metal as their barrage of fire rains down on you. You do your best to shoot back and manage to take out one more clone, but they’re beginning to gain too much ground too fast. I can do this. I have to do this.

As far as you can tell, Crosshair isn’t with the clones attacking you, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t set up shop somewhere nearby, waiting to shoot you.

You shudder. It’s a chilling thought.

You grab one of your last detonators from your belt and hurl it as far as you can. The rapid beeping rises quickly in pitch before the charge explodes. Anguished cries reverberate throughout the area, and you briefly feel sorry for having to take such drastic measures as you feel their Force signatures dim swiftly. But you don’t have a choice.

Peeking around the corner, you count around eight to ten clones down. Not bad considering the circumstances.

You continue shooting as much as you can but now the troopers are much too close for comfort and you’re feeling overwhelmed. The durasteel you are using for cover isn’t meant to take this kind of damage, and the integrity of your shield is quickly waning as told by the constant creaks and groans. You don’t know what to do. Will we make it?

In your haste of shooting first and panicking later, you don’t notice Hunter groaning, finally waking up. And before you have time to even glance at him, the familiar hum of the Havoc Marauder and its lights shine down on you. Your sag in relief. Looks like Omega was able to comm them after all. Never before have you been so glad to see the beat-up hunk of junk. (You would never say that to Tech though–the Marauder is his baby, his pride and joy.)

Echo, Wrecker, and Tech all race off the ship, guns ablazing. Wrecker and Tech stand guard, serving as cover fire while Echo bends down to help you out.

“Hunter, wake up!” Echo hisses and smacks his helmet lightly. Hunter mumbles in pain as he starts to move, trying to look around as his HUD boots back up. Seriously? Now you wake up? you think sarcastically. But you’re much more relieved at the fact that he has actually woken up.

“What happened? Where’s Omega?” Wrecker bellows, worried.

“She’s right here, I’ve got her!” you shout back at the same time Echo says, “He was shot in the chest plate.”

You pocket your blaster and gather the young girl in your arms with every last bit of strength you have left. You aren’t strong enough to hold her in one arm and shoot with the other. That is much more up Wrecker’s alley.

“We have to get him on board!” Tech exclaims as he helps Echo support Hunter. You pick Omega up in both arms and bolt for the ship as fast as you can while yelling at Tech to grab the crate of supplies.

“Incoming!” Wrecker calls out as a fresh wave of troopers advance towards the six of you. You grunt as you deposit Omega in a chair near the controls before pulling out your blaster and helping Wrecker shoot down the men racing towards you.

“Got him. Tech, fly us out of here!” Echo commands while Wrecker makes a gesture for them to get on the ship faster. Hunter stumbles as he does his best to upright himself.

“Go go go!” Wrecker exclaims. Tech shoves the crate next to Omega’s seat and makes a beeline for the cockpit as you continue shooting, moving to the side to make space for Echo and Hunter to come on board. Wrecker quickly climbs in right after them and the ramp closes shut.

Tech immediately pilots the Havoc Marauder up and away from the scene. You vaguely hear the sound of blaster fire hitting the bottom of the ship while you drop your blaster on the ground and wrench Hunter’s helmet off in a panic. You take his face in your hands as you scan him quickly, trying to figure out if he’s hurt or not.

Hunter bats your hands away. “He... he took Omega,” he says and you shake your head. Wrecker pipes up from behind you to respond.

“Who? Crosshair?”

“The bounty hunter,” Hunter mutters as he rubs a hand over his face. Before Wrecker can answer again, you step in.

“No, he didn’t. I took him down. And no, he’s not dead,” you tack on quickly when you see Echo open his mouth. Echo shakes his head fondly and you just grin at him.

“She’s right here,” Echo says instead, pointing to Omega’s sleeping figure. Hunter turns in surprise to see that his brother is indeed telling the truth.

“How...?” Hunter’s voice trails off. Echo and Wrecker look at you expectantly, and Hunter follows suit. You sigh and take off your helmet, setting it down on the ledge next to the controls. You don’t look at them.

“It’s a long story.”

You don’t have a chance to elaborate any further because Tech walks in, interrupting the conversation.

“I’ve made the jump to hyperspace. There was a cruiser in the atmosphere, but I was able to quietly go past them by disguising our ship as a bounty hunter’s. They didn’t interfere. I put in the coordinates for Ord Mantell. I estimate our time of arrival to be five hours and thirty two minutes,” Tech reports and Hunter nods while you voice your thanks.

“Looks like we got time!” Wrecker says cheerily, pulling out an extra chair. Tech looks to you in confusion.

“Did I miss something significant?” Tech asks, concerned about the information he did not receive as he adjusts his goggles. You shake your head but now, all eyes are back on you.

“She was just about to tell us how she saved Omega,” Hunter supplies helpfully and Tech nods in understanding. He grabs a chair as well and sits down, interested in hearing what you have to say.

You look around the room, realizing you can’t get out of it. You are exhausted and just want to sleep but based on the looks you are getting from the boys, there is no way you can leave without giving a sufficient answer.

You sit down on a chair in between Omega and Echo and begin explaining.

“When the cone fell, it separated. I got knocked out when I hit the ground, but I don’t think I broke anything,” you quickly reassure as Tech grabs a datapad to scan your vitals.

“After I came to, I tried comming Echo, but my commlink was broken – I could only hear bits and pieces of what he said. There were some voices near me so I just followed them and–” you pause, not sure if you should tell them what happened. What you experienced, what you found out. “–I saw Hunter and Omega. The ledge I found was way too high for me to jump to, so I climbed up the side of the wreckage to see them and the bounty hunter facing off,” you say, choosing to leave the detail out. It was too personal. You still needed time.

All of them are listening intently, hanging on to every word you’re saying. Hunter’s gaze on you is heavy and loaded with questions. Tech is still tapping away on the datapad, but you know you have his full attention. Multitasking may not be possible for regular humans, but it definitely was for Tech.

“When I saw the bounty hunter, I knew Hunter wasn’t going to win,” you mumble sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. Hunter winces at your statement and you rush to explain why.

“Hunter, you have to trust that I genuinely don’t doubt your abilities. You are much more of a soldier than I will ever be. But this bounty hunter is one of the best, if not the best in the entire galaxy. He’s gone against the Jedi, and won. Based on what Anakin told me at the beginning of the war, Cad Bane is ruthless. He tortured Master Ropal and killed him. Believe it or not, I think he tried to abduct Chancellor Palpatine. Even Anakin had a difficult time fighting him.”

A tense quiet settles over you all as you mentally revisit your conversation with Anakin, and later with Ahsoka. She told you how it was one of the first times she was genuinely afraid that she was going to die, or at least get hurt very severely.

Echo’s rough voice shakes you out of your reverie. “How do–did you know General Skywalker?” he asks, clearly confused at how you referred to him on a first-name basis. You mentally facepalm yourself. How did I forget he served as part of the 501st? You feel incredibly stupid.

You could make up a lie, of course, but it wouldn’t be worth it. Hunter’s enhanced senses and Tech’s vitals scan could probably pick up on your biological signs, not to mention you would feel terribly guilty about not being honest. I promised myself I would tell them…

You blow out a nervous breath, deciding to at least give them something. They deserved that much.

“I’m–well, I was a Jedi,” you admit, staring down at your feet. You can’t bring yourself to look at them, feeling almost… ashamed.

The boys are shocked into silence and you cringe. There was probably a much better way for you to say that, but now it was out there. Yet the pressure that had been weighing down on you since you let the Force back in didn’t lessen.

“What?” Wrecker questions, thrown completely for a loop. “You’re a Jedi?”

Before you can answer, Tech pipes up. “When I reviewed your medical data, there was no note about an elevated midi-chlorian count or any sort of connection to the Force. Additionally, there is no documentation of you serving as a General or a Commander during the war in the Republic military records. How were you a Jedi? And why aren’t you one now? You used past tense in your sentence,” Tech adjusts his goggles as he attempts to register this new information that conflicted with his previous knowledge.

You sigh, drumming your fingers on your thigh. “I left the Jedi Order before the war ended. I promise I’ll explain everything in detail later, but for now, you have to understand that I’m just a Force-user. I trained as a Jedi, but I’m not a Jedi, not anymore,” you clarify, lifting your head up to make eye contact with each of them.

“Aw man, that’s so cool. You have to show us your cool mind tricks sometime!” Wrecker smiles and you agree to his request. It warms your heart to see him so excited.

“It makes sense. You must have seen the regs turn on the Jedi but didn’t know why. When you started traveling with us, you didn’t know if we would turn on you too, even though we’re not regs,” Hunter realizes, and you nod in affirmation. You’re secretly relieved by the fact that he doesn’t seem angry, just… just thoughtful.

“And then when I saw what happened to Crosshair, I knew I couldn’t risk ever telling any of you. But when Rex told us about the chips…” you trail off.

Echo picks up your sentence quickly. “You figured out you would be safe with us if we got our chips removed. No wonder you were so insistent on following what Rex said.”

You smile at the last part, a bit embarrassed. He wasn’t wrong. You were probably even more insistent than Rex was on telling them to get their inhibitor chips out. Better to be safe than sorry you told them. Though at the time, you hadn’t even thought about how removing their chips would impact you and your abilities. You were too focused on keeping the Force out of your body to entertain that thought.

Wrecker suddenly gets up and gathers you in a bone-crushing hug. “Well you don’t have to worry now! We got those stupid chips out of our heads, which means I promise we won’t kill you!” he says cheerfully and you can’t help but laugh as you hug him back, the knot in your chest beginning to unravel. You could always count on Wrecker’s wonderfully big heart to raise your spirits.

“You’re right, big guy. It’s honestly a relief. One less thing I have to worry about.”

Wrecker lets go of you and you pick up where you left off. “As I was saying, Cad Bane isn’t a bounty hunter we can take lightly. Crosshair helped me re-engineer my blaster to turn it into a pseudo sniper with attachable parts during the war. Because I was so high up, I could get a clear shot of Bane. From that vantage point, I shot him at the same time Hunter and Bane shot each other.”

Echo’s mouth drops open. “Damn.”

“What I didn’t expect was for Hunter to be rendered completely unconscious. So I told Omega to try to comm you guys while I went on Bane’s ship to see if I could find anything. And I did.” You pull off your backpack and dump out the contents. Bags of credits come tumbling out. You unhook the few bags on your belt and toss them into the pile.

“Bane had a secret compartment with a lot of credits. So I took them and that crate I yelled at Tech to get,” you explain as you reach into the bag to show off the Imperial credits.

Tech’s eyes widen as he lifts up a bag to inspect it. “I will have to calculate how much you took and mark it in the inventory, but based on my initial deduction, this may be enough for us to upgrade the Marauder and provide sustenance for at least a few months.”

“Nice one!” Wrecker compliments and you grin in response. “What’s in the crate?” he asks, walking over to lift up the top.

“Medical supplies. We barely had any left so I figured I might as well take that too,” you shrug as Hunter gets up to join Wrecker to peer at the contents.

“What happened after that? You said you told Omega to comm the others, which means she was awake. Did she get hurt while I was out? Is that why you look so exhausted?” Hunter inquires, astute as ever.

You bite your lower lip. “When I was getting off his ship with the goods, he had woken up again. Before I could do anything, he stunned Omega and then immediately shot at me,” you pause, wondering if you should elaborate on how you got out of the situation. You decide to come clean on this part.

“I… I don’t know how, but I was able to stop the blaster bolts and keep them – and Bane – in stasis with the Force. The problem was that it took a lot out of me. After not really using the Force for so long, my energy reserves were pretty much gone,” you sigh, absentmindedly rubbing your arms. Your muscles are still sore from the event.

“After that, I punched him and knocked him out again. I dragged you and Omega away from the ship so that I could protect you, and I ended up using that giant piece of durasteel as cover to fight off those clones. Then you guys came and rescued us and that’s that,” you finish, suddenly fatigued from the conversation. You slump back into your chair, perfect posture be damned.

“Wow,” is all Echo says, surprised by your strength. It took some serious stamina to be able to withstand so much for so long. Echo remembered seeing Commander Tano and General Skywalker be exhausted after some especially intense missions where they constantly had to use the Force.

“Yeah,” you mutter, massaging your dominant hand. It is still throbbing from the mean hook you threw at Bane. You don’t have any regrets. You glance at Omega’s sleeping figure and soften. The things I would do for this girl.

“Looks like I taught you well!” Wrecker laughs and you smile. When you first met the Bad Batch, Wrecker took it upon himself to teach you basic self-defense and how to overtake an opponent intelligently. Even though you already learned how to fight as part of your Jedi and military training, you couldn’t say no to him when he looked so excited. But it paid off because he’s right. Wrecker did teach you well.

“You did. You basically saved my ass out there with your amazing teaching skills,” you chuckle, glancing down at your hand. You think you’ll probably have to cover it in bacta gel to speed up the healing process before having yet another realization. (You seem to be having a lot of those today.)

I can just Force-heal. Before, you couldn’t Force-heal because it would look suspicious if something healed too fast. But now that they know, you don’t have to solely depend on medical supplies anymore.

Tech, as always, is right on cue. “Is your hand alright? For you to render Bane unconscious must have been no easy feat. Not to mention that according to the medscan I just took, you have a mild concussion, most likely due to your fall. I can run a medical diagnostic test to start and then run more specific tests to combat your pain...” Tech mutters the last part to himself, brain running light years faster than his mouth as his fingers fly over the datapad.

You debate it for a moment before nodding. “That would be great, Tech–thanks. But right now, I’m exhausted, so I’m going to go and crash in my bunk. Wake me up if I need to punch someone again,” you joke before shuffling away from your squadmates. You ruffle Omega’s hair affectionately as you pass by her and pick up your blaster from the ground before climbing down the ladder. You don’t notice Hunter’s troubled gaze or how his Force signature sours a bit as you leave.

You quickly clean up and throw on some bacta patches on a few nasty bruises. You sit down on your bed and pull the privacy curtain before deciding to open up your secret compartment next to your mattress. You stare down at the objects, the only things you have left as a reminder of the past. You reach down for one of them, about to touch it when you stop.

You shake your head and shut the drawer. Deciding to finally, finally hit the hay, you’re out like a light as soon as your head hits the pillow. Dealing with the Force and healing yourself could be done later. Not even your constant pain and crippling worry about your family friends could keep you up any longer.

please consider reblogging! it really helps me and is super encouraging ^_^

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renegadewangs · 3 years ago

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Van Zieks - the Examination, part 9

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

How the turnabouts have turned! It's time for Twisted Karma and His Last Bow!

Episode 2-4: Twisted Karma and His Last Bow

With Van Zieks's tragic backstory (…) exposed, it's time to head on into waters we've charted before, waaay back in the very first Ace Attorney game: The Prosecutor becomes the Defendant. It all starts off with some shenanigans which appear to have very little to do with Van Zieks (the arrival of Mikotoba and Jigoku, the Red-headed League, a missing prison warder, etc.).. Ryu does still run into Van Zieks very briefly in Stronghart's office, with Susato noting that there appears to be an awful lot of tension in the air. I expect Van Zieks is questioning that decision to leave Genshin Asogi's son in his care, but even so, he's very civil towards Stronghart. Susato also notes that Van Zieks gives Ryu a cold stare as he leaves, with Ryu wondering what he's done to earn that. This may also be a result of him being besties with Kazuma, since Van Zieks had already buried the hatchet towards Ryu for the most part. When Ryu asks about the decision to leave Kazuma in Van Zieks's care, Stronghart explains it was to best keep an eye on this 'mysterious amnesiac with no identifying papers'. Well OK then. Stronghart also explains he made Kazuma wear a mask because he didn't want to “burden Van Zieks with tiresome explanations about why he had an Eastern appearance.” … I would assume the very simple explanation is that it's because he's of Eastern descent, Stronghart. Regardless, the Lord Chief Justice has high hopes for Kazuma's future and isn't at all bothered by the fact that the guy has gone missing for a little bit.

Things take a turn later when Gina Lestrade comes barging into 221B with some pretty shocking news. Inspector Gregson was murdered. Yes, THAT Inspector Gregson. The suspect has already been arrested:

It's true that to the average civilian like Gina, Van Zieks's name is pretty much synonymous to the Reaper (of the Old Bailey). Even so, to have her outright calling him by that title adds a sort of emotional distance that's really striking. Gina explains they caught him at the scene and there were several witnesses, but Ryu thinks to himself that there's no way Van Zieks would have taken Gregson's life. So naturally, we owe it to our good pal Gregson (who actually was just coming around and being nicer to Ryu) to find the truth. Time to go have a talk with Van Zieks in prison!

… Okay that's funny. Don't worry, Barok, one day we'll all look back on this and laugh. Anyway, Van Zieks says he's in the last place on earth he'd want to be, with the last person on earth he'd want to see. And this line can easily be misinterpreted as Van Zieks saying he hates Ryu more than anyone else in the world, but what he's actually saying is that Ryu is the last person he wishes would see him in this troublesome situation. Ryu says he couldn't very well not come, but Van Zieks tells him to go home since it has nothing to do with him. Susato interjects, pointing out that Gregson has helped them out on numerous occasions and so, they're indebted to him. She pleads for Van Zieks's help with the investigation and he's silent for a moment, only to say: “There's really nothing I can tell you.” Which I suppose means he doesn't think he has anything helpful to say. Ryu asks about what Van Zieks was reading when they came in and assumes it to be a case report. Van Zieks says the Yard wouldn't share case details with a suspect (keep that one in mind) and explains it's a letter from Albert. Dear Professor Harebrayne has arrived in Germany safely! Ryu notes that Van Zieks usually never minces his words, but they seem to have less bite than usual now. No wonder, really, since he's in prison for the murder of an old friend. Van Zieks asks how much they already know about the case, so the two of them go through the facts and Van Zieks says they're well-informed. He's got nothing to add, because... Well.

Oh, this is going to be another one of those cases, huh. Susato asks what Van Zieks was doing at the crime scene in the first place, but Van Zieks points out he doesn't need to answer that, as they aren't representing him. When asked who is representing him in court, he says it'd be anyone other than Ryu. That said, he doesn't actually have any representation because of his reputation as the Reaper. Sixteen people he's prosecuted have mysteriously died and now that he's actually been apprehended for a murder, that whole Reaper ordeal is sure to be thoroughly examined.

BOY, have we got news for you! When it's pointed out that Van Zieks didn't actually have anything to do with those mysterious deaths (right???), he replies that no one wants to know the true identity of that killer more than he does, but it seems things may come to a head before he can uncover the truth. Van Zieks basically tells Ryu to leave, but being the kind-hearted gentleman that he is, Ryu offers to advocate for him in court. Van Zieks asks whether Ryu trusts him, which is a pretty fair question to ask. He's built up so many racist scumbag points and has such a bad reputation in town, it would be weird for Ryu to trust him unconditionally. Luckily, Ryu has been paying attention just as much as I have; he's heard Van Zieks speak in court and seen the way he treats people (uhh, English citizens, anyway), so he doesn't believe this 'Reaper' has it in him to take a life. Unfortunately, Ryu also has to acknowledge that feelings can't be used as evidence in court. Van Zieks considers the offer gracious, but...

“Not the police, not the judiciary... And not you Nipponese.”

One more scumbag point for putting “you Nipponese” in its own category for no reason. Either way, this man has built up such high defensive walls, you could see them from three galaxies away. Trusting no one is a pretty drastic way of living. Ryu thinks to himself that there's a chasm between the two of them that's 'just too wide and too deep'.

As a sidenote, presenting the attorney armband doesn't lead to any interesting conversation this time, but we can also present the Red-headed League advertisement! Van Zieks surmises that if it were a Black-headed League, Ryu would join without delay, which Ryu then confirms. Van Zieks says that sadly, his hair is neither black nor red. He goes into a most curious identity crisis of sorts, where he looks quite anguished as he wonders which coloured league he should join instead. There have been several debates over his hair color, actually, from lavender to purple to grey. Regardless, Susato points out that “people are troubled by the most unexpected problems at times.” It is unexpected, since Van Zieks needs neither the money nor the company that he would get from joining any such league. It's just the principle of the matter, I suppose.

Over by the crime scene in Fresno Street, Gina gets a little razzled when she suspects Ryu is thinking of defending “that Reaper bloke”. Susato points out that if “Lord van Zieks” really is responsible for the crime, he'll be judged fairly in court. This gets Gina to calm down again, because she really wants to know the truth of what happened and much like Van Zieks, she must know that getting the truth is what Ryu does best. A bit of conversation later, Gina points out one more interesting thing; Gregson apparently held a lot of respect for 'the Reaper'. “I take my hat off to that fella,” were his exact words, apparently. Ryu is skeptical, as am I, because I've seen the way Gregson talks about Van Zieks behind his back.

Gina explains that's exactly why he respected Van Zieks. That's... a little weird and ambiguous. So either he respected Van Zieks's ability to stand tall despite all the public scorn, or he respected the fear he struck into people's hearts. There's one more option; Gina keeps talking about the Reaper instead of Van Zieks, so it's possible that Gregson was talking about the actual Reaper. This seems unlikely, though, since he didn't seem to enjoy being part of the Reaper organization.

And now that we know Van Zieks is the defendant, one might be wondering: Who is the prosecutor? Who is the antagonistic force who will try to stop Ryu from uncovering the truth? Well, we find him over in Stronghart's office. Apparently he took an express train back to London from wherever it was he's been these past few days.

YOOOOUUUU!!! Though before we can address his presence properly, we need to discuss the new case. Stronghart wastes no time asking Ryu and Susato whether they've heard “the sickening news about the Reaper's latest devilry.” Which stands out, to say the least, since Stronghart has always been a strong supporter of Van Zieks up until this point. When Susato points out that surely he doesn't believe it, Stronghart says he believes only in facts, which all point to the unavoidable accusal of Lord van Zieks. Someone sure had a quick turnaround when it comes to his number one prosecutor, geez... Stronghart points out the irony that there's no salvation for anyone prosecuted by the Reaper of the Bailey, and now the Reaper himself must stand in the dock. Just as Van Zieks had already alluded to, Stronghart now claims the public will want answers about those mysterious deaths. Ryu and Susato both point out that which had been rubbed into our faces several times already; Van Zieks denies any involvement, and also there have been several investigations into whether he had anything to do with it. Stronghart kind of brushes this off, though. Turns out, Van Zieks is being traded in for a newer model number one prosecutor: Kazuma Asogi! Which seems weird at first glance, since Kazuma is a defense attorney, but Stronghart considers that a bonus:

“A devastation combination, wouldn't you agree?”

I do agree. Granted, it seems Van Zieks had already figured out the defense's strategies too, he just never actively used them to his own advantage. It also turns out that Kazuma personally requested the prosecutor position for this trial. Susato thinks it's pretty unprecedented to grant a newcomer exchange student such a request, but Stronghart offers some petty excuse about how this way, it won't look like the judiciary are closing ranks. Kazuma, who assumes his friend will take on the defense, says he'll see how Ryu's skills have been honed after practicing law in England for so many months. (Uhh. Actually, bestie, it was only about two months of being a defense attorney and six months of disbarment.) Ryu notes that Kazuma is being hostile towards him and wonders why. On a final note, when asking Stronghart about the gun found at the crime scene, we're told that it's issued to all members of law enforcement, including prosecutors. Van Zieks claims to have lost his. That's a troubling claim indeed, because it's difficult to prove or disprove. GOSH, if only fingerprints were allowed in court.

As Ryu and Susato turn to leave, Kazuma stops them. He once again states he wants Ryu to witness this trial as the defense counsel, to “see how it ends”. Since Kazuma has a very distinct vision for how he wants it to end, I guess this means he intends to confront Ryu with Van Zieks's guilt and have his bestie see that a man like him is unworthy of his trust. Either that, or he expects Ryu to use this trial to find the truth of what really happened with the Professor ten years ago, just as he used Albert's trial to dig into that incident. Still though, this reads as pretty scummy to me, because it means he wants Ryu to lose a trial and lose some of his belief in his clients. In the trial itself, it seems to me that Kazuma desperately believes Van Zieks to be a horrible person deserving of the guilty verdict. Therefore, he in no way can hold hope that Ryu will prove him wrong (unlike what went down in case 2-3 with Albert). Anyway, Ryu says that Van Zieks would never put his fate in his hands.

“... It's not easy to see behind the facade sometimes.”

Case 2-3 already told us this, but it's nice to have it confirmed by someone who was closer to Van Zieks. Because remember, Kazuma spent three months by Van Zieks's side (and even fighting by his side), so of course he would know more about his personality than we do. Kazuma hands over a photograph of Barok when he was younger and

GOOD LORD, HE CAN SMILE. Or he could when he was younger, anyway. Kazuma states the picture was displayed in Gregson's office. What he's 'trying to say' is that if Ryu really thinks he can trust “the Reaper” (distancing choice of words again), he might find that some straight talking will change his view. I got the impression we've been straight talking Van Zieks ever since we first met him, but okay. Let's take the picture and back to the gaol we go! Van Zieks is once again reading from some paper and Ryu points out that either he's an incredibly slow reader or it's an incredibly long letter, but either way, Ryu might even be able to read English faster than him. Naturally, this was said loud enough for Van Zieks to overhear.

Scumbag point for hypocrisy, but also a scumbag point for “Nipponese”. When Ryu asks whether it's still Albert's letter he's reading, Van Zieks says he had the case report brought to him in secret. So wait, the Yard does share case details with its suspect? Hilarious. Once again, Van Zieks insists the situation has nothing to do with Ryu, up until the prosecutor's name is revealed to him. And so, the masked cardboard cutout student has become the master! Ryu notes that all the color drained from Van Zieks's face, which is pretty impressive when there's barely any color there to begin with. Ryu has the opportunity now to thrust the photograph into his face, so let's do that. He's immediately alarmed, since he assumed it to be lost and would never have expected Gregson to have it. When Ryu says that Gregson had a deep respect for him, he dismisses that as nonsense, only to correct himself. “There was a time things were like that.”

Van Zieks thanks Ryu for that nice glimpse into the past, and Ryu thinks to himself that there was a glimmer in Van Zieks's eyes- a brief twinkle. He considers that “an insight into the true nature of this man known to all as the stone-cold Reaper of the Bailey”, with “the true nature” being highlighted as orange. So this right here is undeniable; this is what the narrative is illustrating to us now. The true nature of Barok van Zieks is that of someone who was hopeful and jovial; kind-hearted, as Albert knew him. What we see now, that harsh exterior full of harsh words, is not his nature at all.

Van Zieks is more willing to talk now. He once again speaks of Klint, rehashing the same story we've heard several times already. Van Zieks claims there's not a single day where he doesn't curse the name Asogi. He considers it a cruel twist of fate that the man's son intends to crucify him in 'some kangaroo court'. Clearly, he doesn't think highly of the upcoming trial if he refers to it as a kangaroo court, but that's likely because he knows he isn't the real killer. When Ryu points out that he still doesn't understand why Stronghart apprenticed Kazuma to Van Zieks, the explanation is that “it's what he does”. Van Zieks believes that Stronghart knew Kazuma's true identity from the outset, but still provides no real explanation as to why Stronghart 'did what he did' and even assigned Kazuma as the prosecutor this time. Van Zieks goes on to contemplate the name Asogi some more and calls it 'the epitome of his bane'.

I've talked before about how utterly flawed it is that Van Zieks attributes Genshin's crime to his race and/or cultural upbringing and proceeds to tar every single Japanese person with the same brush. There's no need to go into this again; we all know it's wrong. Turns out, even Van Zieks knows it's wrong, but we'll get back to that momentarily. First, Van Zieks needs to talk about Klint even more. (good lord...) He explains that Klint van Zieks was hunting down a mass murderer and “assigned to the investigation as his partner was a certain visiting student dispatched by the Yard.” This was Genshin, of course, and I believe this is the first time it's said that he too was looking into the Professor case. So Van Zieks already mentioned in the previous case that the Japanese students had left a deep impact on him, and also that he once toasted friendship with a Japanese person, but now we have this:

“But none of us saw the true nature of the man.”

True nature is once again in orange here, but this time as a red herring. Van Zieks believes that the Professor murders were Genshin's true nature, when it isn't quite true at all. Regardless, since Van Zieks was still in university at the time the exchange students were in the country, I don't think he would've had that much contact with Genshin. I expect he encountered the man on rare occasion while Klint associated most with him. Every meeting was enough to foster this respect and friendship, though, so it's clear that young Van Zieks was easily influenced and had a very open mind towards a foreign exchange student. But then, that's what makes the next portion of the story all the more damaging.

“My esteemed brother... The people I believed in... And any semblance of right prevailing over wrong!”

As Van Zieks also already alluded to in the previous case, he found himself in a very dark place. That isn't surprising. Every positive thing Van Zieks knew in his life, from his family to his closest friends, was ripped away from him in extremely close succession. What must've been the final nail in the coffin was Genshin outright admitting to his crimes. It erased all doubt that perhaps there was some sort of misunderstanding or a frame job. Going over everything Van Zieks has said so far, it seems he didn't just blame Genshin for the tremendous loss he suffered; he blamed himself. He must believe that his trust in Genshin blinded him to this supposed 'true nature', just as it must've also blinded Klint, and that the whole tragedy could've been prevented if only he'd been more cautious. So now, in present day, he no longer trusts anyone. He outright says so.

Van Zieks goes on to talk about how he was the one who prosecuted the Professor. Since he'd only just graduated, such a thing usually wouldn't be allowed, but he “beleaguered the ascribed prosecutor until he consented.” This person was Mael Stronghart, who back then was apparently still no more than a prosecutor. A highly accomplished one, but a prosecutor nonetheless. Since Klint was the Director of Prosecutions (or Chief Prosecutor???) at the time, that means he actually ranked above Stronghart. Interesting. Regardless, since Stronghart agreed to let Van Zieks lead the prosecution and instead only acted as an advisor, Van Zieks now feels indebted to him. That certainly explains why he's usually so good about following Stronghart's orders and not asking questions.

“And, of all things, as a lawyer.”

Ahhh, this is the part where Ryu enters the chronology. Our protagonist points out that he's felt Van Zieks's animosity since the first time he faced him in the courtroom; his obvious deep loathing of Japanese people. And here comes perhaps one of the most important, yet most overlooked lines Van Zieks will ever utter in these games:

“But for so many years, that hatred had festered inside me, I could no longer control it.”

So here, Van Zieks admits to two things. First of all, he admits that he was wrong to hold such deep loathing and by extension, to give that loathing a voice. He's a man of logic, after all. To cling to something which he refers to as illogical is about as wrong as one could get. Not only that, he admits that this was an unstoppable force he should have controlled, but was too weak to do so. The hatred overpowered him and did away with common sense. He behaved stupidly and irrationally because for ten years, hatred and negativity was all he knew. But what's even more striking here is Ryu's answer, which is also often overlooked:

Ryu, bless his heart, doesn't blame Van Zieks for succumbing to this weakness. Bear in mind, he's the victim here. Van Zieks wouldn't have encountered many other Japanese people in those ten years, if at all. This means the first person he lashed out against was Ryu. Naturally, Ryu can't speak for Susato or Soseki, who received their own verbal assaults and might have different opinions on the matter. Ryu is just one man, but in our narrative, he's the main protagonist and the main target of these outbursts. Is it misleading and perhaps even problematic in the grand scheme of things to have the protagonist sympathize with such motivation? Well, that depends on many different factors. There's no easy answer for this because it's a nuanced, cultural sort of thing. Personally, I was a bit bothered by it, but not to the point that it ruined the experience for me.

Van Zieks admits that just as the Japanese were the bane of his life, Kazuma Asogi must believe Van Zieks to be the bane of his. He is, after all, the Reaper who sent his father to the gallows. Van Zieks thinks that Kazuma intends to take revenge in court and... Really, this is true.

There's a quick bit of conversation about Gregson now. Turns out, the only reason the Professor was caught at all was because Gregson forced an autopsy on Klint despite it being considered the highest taboo at the time. Van Zieks says that as a result of Gregson's powerful conviction, he could avenge his brother's death. He looks quite torn, a bit pained. He must believe he owes Gregson something for this. The conversation then moves on to Van Zieks's revolver, which he claims to have misplaced an undetermined amount of time ago. “I must have stowed it somewhere, I suppose. Or left it somewhere, perhaps.” Van Zieks clearly doesn't think highly of firearms as a weapon, since he's constantly carrying a sword around instead. Susato points out that Ryu has a talent for misplacing things in common with Van Zieks, which leads to one more scumbag outburst.

… Dude. Come on. You just admitted it was illogical. You came so far! Scumbag point for you. Still, as the conversation rounds to a close, Van Zieks utters the words “Mister... Naruhodo”, much to Ryu's surprise. This is the first time he's actually said Ryu's name! Van Zieks once again reiterates that he's lost all confidence in England's judiciary system. He doesn't trust the police, the judiciary or lawyers. Even so, there's still one thing he's willing to believe in.

“That which you see in the eyes of another across the courtroom: a simple determination to know the truth. From the very first time we clashed in the Bailey almost a year ago now... I couldn't deny it, even though I dearly wished I could. 'Here is a loathsome Japanese... who has absolute integrity as a lawyer.' There are only two other men I've known with that same look in their eyes: my brother, Klint. … And Genshin Asogi.”

This is interesting. So at first when he saw that look in Ryu's eyes, he must've been reminded of Genshin. And again, this is why he directed such hatred towards Ryu; he saw someone who wasn't alive anymore. But now he recalls that Klint also had that same gaze, and so he wants to believe that Ryu is not similar to a deceitful murderer, he's instead similar to his beloved brother. (Boy is he going to have to reevaluate how he judges people when he finds out that his beloved brother was the deceitful murderer.) Van Zieks says that when he saw the photograph, he was reminded of a time when he could laugh, free of the shackles of mistrust which plague him now. This is very relevant since Van Zieks indeed can't laugh anymore. We never see him do it. He can't even smile.

“But at times the mire into which I've sunk makes it almost impossible to breathe.”

Someone please get this man to a professional therapist. If he means that in a more literal sense and he does occasionally feel like he can't breathe, that's telltale signs of panic attacks. It could just be, of course, that he's being overdramatic and the “impossible to breathe” bit is just fanciful wordplay to go with the mire analogy. Still though, considering he's also mentioned being in a dark place and that he's willing to die so long as it serves a useful purpose, and that he drinks his wine to stave off tedium... He's clearly depressed. But then, he seems to know it. He acknowledges that the way he is now is not the way things should be, and that he needs to fight to overcome it. And so:

“... In tomorrow's trial... Will you advocate for me?”

Boom. Swallowed his pride and turned to Ryu for help because he knows it's what's best for him. He no longer trusts anyone, but he's willing to trust Ryu because once he starts opening up again and has that trust repaid, then perhaps things can gradually go back to the way things were when he was younger. Mind, he still hasn't apologized for his actions, but that doesn't change that Ryu at least is willing to extend a hand to Van Zieks. It's a little sad that Susato doesn't properly form her own opinion on this and instead just goes along with whatever Ryu says. I would've liked to know just how she feels about Van Zieks's attitude and whether or not he deserves to be helped. She doesn't object to it, at least, and since Susato usually always speaks her mind, I can only assume she genuinely agrees with Ryu's sentiments.

The next day, in the defendant's lobby, it's remarked there's a 'menacing tension' in the air and Ryu surmises out loud it's the result of the menacing appearance of the defendant. Well-deserved, that remark. Touché. Van Zieks asks him for a little more courtesy in a polite enough manner, but considering the lack of courtesy he's shown Ryu over the past 8 months, that's hypocritical. He informs Ryu that this is a closed trial without a jury, which bums me out because it means no more Summation Examination. I would've liked to see Asogi react to that. (S)Holmes comes in and has the weirdest little banter with Van Zieks that I honestly can't... really decipher. There's several things about it that really strike me as being off:

- “And I you. I see London's celebrated great detective is as active as ever.”

- “Oh, you exaggerate, my dear fellow. Compared to my paltry engagements with a few trivial cases... The Reaper's overbearing presence is a far greater deterrent to the black roots of crime in our capital. And whilst I may not agree with your methods... There is at least one point on which I would readily commend you.”

- “What an honour. And that would be...?”

- “Your eye for a good lawyer, sir. […] Behind this lawyer there is a very great mind. My own.”

Alright, so... First of all, we know (S)Holmes is super arrogant and would never refer to his past cases as “trivial” in all sincerity. Plus, it's established that he's very weird with compliments, such as referring to Gregson as “the best of those blunderers of the Yard”, so complimenting Van Zieks directly on the effect he has on crime feels off. Aside from that, (S)Holmes addresses Van Zieks as the Reaper and continues to talk about 'his methods', when it's already been established (S)Holmes doesn't believe Van Zieks has anything to do with the Reaper killings. Taking all that into account, I can only really assume that the first half of this above conversation is (S)Holmes being weirdly passive aggressive towards Van Zieks, with Van Zieks being passive aggressive in turn. It really, truly feels as if there was some sort of backstory between these two that they had to scrap at the last second. Regardless, the exchange ends with (S)Holmes warning Van Zieks that this will be “quite a trial”.

Gina Lestrade shows up with Yujin Mikotoba (….. when did they meet???), saying they intend to watch the trial, and I am very impressed with how (S)Holmes manages to disappear from the scene and not say a word when his old partner arrives. Anyway, Gina looks Ryu square in the eye and asks him why he agreed to take Van Zieks on. Everyone's saying it was him who killed Gregson. Considering everyone was saying it was her who killed Pop Windibank six months ago, you'd think she might want to tone down her attitude, but she's clearly in mourning and lashing out. See? People who are hurting can say insensitive things. Ryu insists he doesn't believe it to be true, but Gina demands to know that if it wasn't him, then who?

“An' if it turns out it was 'im wot killed the boss... Then God 'elp 'im!”

It's interesting to remember that during The Unspeakable Story, Gina wasn't afraid of Van Zieks for his Reaper reputation. She didn't believe in the curse and didn't think she would end up like the other defendants. Now, she absolutely no longer gives a damn whether Van Zieks is the mysterious Reaper or not. She only thinks he might be a murderer who took away her mentor and that's what has her judge him so fiercely. Van Zieks remarks on her fiery eyes and tells her that the culprit does indeed deserve every inch of her loathing. “At least that may be some solace to the deceased.” So here, in a roundabout way, it rather looks as if Van Zieks is sympathizing with Gina's anger. At the very least, he's condoning it, just not towards himself.

Entering the courtroom, it becomes clear very fast just how serious this trial will become. Just as was alluded to before, the judge confirms that the 'Reaper of the Old Bailey' has been undermining Her Majesty's justice system and therefore, the people will demand answers on this matter. Ryu thinks to himself the trial will be a lot more far-reaching than just Gregson's murder. Sure enough, Kazuma is at the prosecutor's bench and ready to get that vengeance Van Zieks referred to in jail. Shockingly, the first witness he summons is actually Van Zieks himself. The judge is surprised, but Kazuma explains that as a prosecutor, Van Zieks believes in the oath of office he's taken; he'll be compelled to tell the truth. Because contrary to what happened in Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro, Van Zieks is against perjury! (I WILL NEVER GET OVER WHAT HAPPENED WITH SHAMSPEARE!) Sure enough, he takes the stand and Kazuma says the court would like to hear him explain some things away.

He really is just brutally honest, isn't he? Both in his courtroom methods and in how he shows his emotions. He doesn't sugarcoat, he doesn't beat around the bush, he definitely doesn't lie... At most, he may withhold some information. Unfortunately, his testimony is mostly useless. The judge remarks that he didn't want to imagine this day would come, but ever since Van Zieks became known as the Reaper, he's been dreading it. The judge, our neutral ground, seems to be convinced that Van Zieks may have actually done the deed. That's not good. Kazuma acts all smug, saying that Van Zieks indeed hasn't explained anything away and that his testimony barely qualifies as an excuse. Van Zieks notes that his 'mute apprentice' has a way with words. Meanwhile, Ryu thinks to himself that Kazuma isn't behaving like himself, which is a sentiment they'll keep repeating throughout the case. … I gotta be honest here, I didn't notice all that much of a difference between this Kazuma and the one from the very first case of the game. I mean, come on, he sliced a man's hair off and cursed his descendants just for insulting Ryu. He's slightly more arrogant here, maybe, but since he was only the assistant there and is a leading counsel here, it makes sense for him to be more proactive and confident in his methods. Then again, I'm not a Kazuma expert; maybe there's something I'm missing.

In his testimony, Van Zieks revealed that he was investigating Gregson, but when pressed on it he won't admit the exact reason for it. He only says he'd identified a distinct possibility Gregson was involved in a case he was investigating. When asked how he even knew where Gregson would be, he openly admits to having stolen into his office and consulted his diary. (“Dear Diary, today I dropped my fish 'n chips on the way to Fresno Street-”) When told that illegally entering Gregson's office would warrant serious consequences, Van Zieks says he was aware of that risk.

The rest of the testimony is pressed without further hitches, though what did strike me as interesting is that at one point, Ryu suggests the gunshot might've originated from outside the room, but Van Zieks immediately says it's out of the question. He shoots the possibility down with evidence only he could have experienced (the bang sounded inside the room and he could smell gunpowder), and in doing so, only implicates himself further. Detrimentally honest, this one. Not only that, but he picked the gun up.

NO KIDDING that was carelessness. Is he related to Miles Edgeworth after all? Kazuma talks about how three street peddlers overheard the bang and burst through the door with some force. Van Zieks states they almost gave him a heart attack in the process (omg) and Ryu thinks to himself: “(But you're supposed to be the Reaper...)” C'mon Ryu, haven't you seen enough of this man by now to know he gets jarred easily?

When the testimony rounds to a close, things get interesting. Kazuma uses his defense attorney skills, as promised. He uses evidence from the Court Record to point out contradictions in Van Zieks's testimony, thereby 'proving he's lying'. Hey, what happened to Van Zieks believing in the oath of office and being compelled to tell the truth? Did Kazuma call Van Zieks to the stand just to expose him as a liar? He wins the judge over quite easily by illustrating these contradictions and casting doubt on Van Zieks's integrity. Tragic, because as Van Zieks says:

Van Zieks steps down from the stand and disappears for the remainder of the trial day. He doesn't even show up during intermission in the defendant's lobby. Characters do still talk about him, though!

I mean... He ain't lyin'. At one point, Kazuma utters the words “the defence is fated to lose. And the prosecution to win,” which once again confirms that Kazuma basically asked Ryu to take part in an 'unwinnable' trial. Which, y'know, is technically fine. Losing a trial isn't the end of the world, especially when the defendant (in Kazuma's eyes) is actually guilty. Still though, personally asking Ryu to take on Van Zieks just so he can watch the man be exposed as a killer is kind of... Kazuma, sir, are you also unable to control your hatred and having it lash out in illogical ways? Is that a parallel with Van Zieks I spy?

The rest of the trial isn't directly related to Van Zieks. It's just a whole bunch of roundabout arguing with street peddlers, red-headed scammers and the revelation that one of those peddlers is actually Daley Vigil, the missing former prison warder. Despite knowing of the dangers, Kazuma asks Ryu to help him forcefully break some of the man's black psyche-locks (c'mon, we all know that's what's impeding his memories) and they send the man to the hospital as a result. Welp. Unveiling the truth is becoming increasingly dangerous in this game and that's really upping the stakes for us.

Into the next investigation day we go! Ryu surmises that it's clear now “Van Zieks definitely didn't do it.” Even so, there are some unanswered questions about the man. What was he even doing at the crime scene and what's with that investigation into Gregson he didn't want to talk about in court? Heading on over to the Chief Justice's office, we overhear him pressuring Kazuma into 'continuing the trial as instructed'. Once he takes note of Ryu and the others, he tells them that he wanted Van Zieks's trial concluded that day and blames 'Asogi's unwelcome inquiries' for it taking longer than necessary. Stronghart's becoming increasingly ominous, here... I don't know for certain why he doesn't just go the extra mile to have Van Zieks proven innocent so he can keep using his Reaper tool to intimidate the masses. I suppose it's because with Gregson dead, he's lost his most important strategist in the killings and the tool of the Reaper's curse can't be used as easily anymore. Assassins probably come a dime a dozen, so Shinn can be replaced, but Gregson... Not so much. Ryu asks Stronghart whether Kazuma truly believes Van Zieks to be the Reaper, but Stronghart says he wouldn't know. He once again talks about the history of the Reaper with its very long run of coincidental deaths and tells us nothing new or interesting.

To prison we go, to visit Van Zieks himself! He's reading a book now, but we're never told what it is. He tries to ignore the visitors, but just as always, eventually comes up to the bars to talk.

YOU FREAKIN- I CAN'T- WHY- How many more times must we teach you this lesson, old man?!!! Thankfully, even Ryu is fed up at this point.

Finally. He spoke up. I've seen a lot of people criticize the fact that Ryu never properly confronts Van Zieks with the damage he's been doing, and on the one hand I would agree. Calling people out on their bullshit is a very useful step in having them notice their mistakes. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that is also a very Western view. It's very easy for us to think that Ryu should stand up for himself and call Van Zieks a prejudiced little tosser who needs to think before he speaks, but that simply isn't part of his character. There may be several reasons to explain why he doesn't confront Van Zieks more firmly, but I'd like to focus on just two. The first is that Ryu is an exchange student who came to England as a 'guest' and is facing not just one racist. Not even five or ten. Everywhere he goes, he's surrounded by people just like Van Zieks. We've seen it in the judge, we've seen it in the jurors, we've seen it in Gregson and in witnesses... Ryu is a minority in a very literal sense, since there's only one other Japanese person (two if we count Soseki) we know of in this entire city. There's a very natural, very understandable defense mechanism which may kick in when surrounded by potentially dangerous individuals, and that is to withdraw; to be as quiet as possible and to attract as little trouble as possible, since 'they outnumber you'. Bonus points for the extreme difference in social standing between Ryu and Van Zieks.

There's one other thing which adds to the above. Ryu was written to be your everyday Japanese person, and their view on confrontation is quite different from our own. I remembered this from a job interview I once had with a Japanese company and looked into it again to refresh my memory: Japanese people are non-confrontational. It's very important for them to maintain a sort of harmony during conversation and therefore, they'll rarely utter negative sentiments, such as criticism, in a way that will cause embarrassment to the person they're addressing. Instead, they employ something often referred to as indirect communication. “The pattern of Japanese indirect communication uses far less words to convey intent in a more subtle manner. Indirect communication uses expression, posture, and tone of voice of the speaker to draw meaning from the actual conversation.” This is very deeply ingrained into the Japanese culture and, if the sources I reviewed are correct, it goes all the way back to the feudal days. Mind, this attitude isn't even limited to Japan. I've been told there's several other countries who adopt that very same attitude and if you cause someone else to lose face, it can have some very severe repercussions for you. Kazuma is a bit more outspoken than Ryu, for example when they face Jezail, but this makes sense also, since Asogi was written to be more progressive. It seems to me that Ryu has been using indirect communication quite often already and, since Van Zieks is woefully unequipped to read this type of communication, Ryu has now finally resorted to something more direct. It's still not a sharp call-out, but rather, the above line reads to me as something in-between direct and indirect communication. And it works.

HELL FROZE OVER! We've done it, lads! Or, as Iris puts it:

So even the rest of the cast is acknowledging this is a big deal and we've made tremendous progress. Could someone else have confronted Van Zieks in a more direct, more Western way before this point? Sure. But would he have listened? The judge has already snarked at him several times during trials and it's always been brushed off as nothing. The only person he might've listened to would've been Albert, but what is the narrative significance of having a side character confront Van Zieks? There isn't one. This was a very impactful moment where Ryu himself resorted to a more Western tactic to get his point across and Van Zieks, in turn, finally uttered an apology. So now we get to have an earnest conversation with the man at last. Van Zieks says he was impressed; not by Ryu but by Kazuma. On first glance, this seems like a mean thing to say, but... Van Zieks is already intimately familiar with Ryu's performance in the courtroom. Why would he still be impressed by that? Kazuma, however, he's never seen in action before. Van Zieks thinks it's all rather “sardonic”.

It's called a cruel irony, Barok. A common tool in storytelling. He himself considers it “retribution for having played the part of the Reaper all these years”. So once again it's discussed how the Reaper minimizes the amount of crime in the capital and since that's a goal Van Zieks is committed to, he never said anything to disprove the rumors. Ryu insists that someone else is profiting off Van Zieks's silence on the matter and is basically using him as a scapegoat. As it turns out, Van Zieks wasn't quite as passive about the matter as he's led us to believe.

Hm. Alright, so he thinks it's good the Reaper's curse is reducing crime in London, but clearly he wants the Reaper organization brought to justice. In a way, he's profiting off these 'accidental deaths' since the fear that comes from them aligns with his goal of crime reduction, but he doesn't actively condone the Reaper murders and wants them halted. Since there's so much accurate information about the accused used in the killings, Van Zieks surmised a while ago that someone from Scotland Yard must've been involved in the killings. It's taken him “many years” to identify the central figure in the organization: Tobias Gregson. Naturally, everyone is shocked. We knew Gregson! And sure, he wasn't exactly a kind person, but he certainly didn't appear to be a killer. He was very rough around the edges, but from what we'd been led to believe, he had a good heart. … A decent heart. Mediocre, one might say. Ryu asks whether the reason Van Zieks was investigating Gregson was to expose him as the Reaper, but Van Zieks repeats the notion that the Reaper is not a single person. He doesn't have a doubt, though, that Gregson was a key member of the organization who did all of the planning. Believe it or not, Gregson was the brains behind the killings; the tactician who investigated and plotted, then left the dirty work to an assassin by the name of Asa Shinn. (LOCALIZATION WHY)

So now that we have this information, we can come to a very interesting conclusion. Both Gregson and Shinn are dead now, so by Van Zieks's reasoning, the Reaper is dead. You'd think this is good, but it does in fact make it very difficult to find the truth. Rather, Van Zieks believes that the truth died with Gregson (he hinted as much twice already) and while the seasoned Ace Attorney player knows it won't be impossible to expose a dead person as a killer, it'd be a hectic ordeal. The seasoned Great Ace Attorney player will know the Reaper hierarchy extends just a bit higher and the two who died are only pawns, but... Y'know. Approaching this from a first-time-player point of view, you'll know things will get troublesome.

There's another topic of conversation where Van Zieks once again addresses how sharp Kazuma is in court. He didn't miss a thing.

OUCH. So when Ryu first arrived, Van Zieks saw Genshin whenever he looked at him, not only due to his roots but due to 'the look in his eyes when searching for the truth'. Now, he sees Genshin in Kazuma, which surely makes a lot more sense. Van Zieks goes on to say that it's true some of the aristocracy from 10 years ago were problematic and abusing their power. “In a way, Asogi was carving out a canker from society that we British couldn't deal with ourselves.” So here, he sounds almost complimentary of the Professor's actions- specifically Asogi's actions. As if it would've all been well and good, were it not for the Professor's final victim. “But that's precisely why it makes no sense. Klint van Zieks was a noble and upstanding man. He wasn't corrupt.”

Remember way back in The Unspeakable Story when I surmised that Van Zieks boiled Genshin's actions down to his race in order to avoid the belief that there might've been a reason his brother was killed? We see it here again. Van Zieks is in doubt. He may say vocally that “it makes no sense”, but that line in itself is already telling. The fact that he acknowledges it and draws it into question implies to us that he's skeptical of the story. Deep down, he knows something is amiss. He knows there's some sort of explanation he's missing, but if he were to dig too deeply into it, he'd have to acknowledge that perhaps his brother was corrupt. And this still isn't all of it. There's one more thing Van Zieks has to discuss before we can round this conversation to a close. Ten years ago, shortly after Klint died, Genshin saved his life.

There's that phrasing again. “True nature”. It's not in orange this time, but it's there all the same. Van Zieks is convinced that Genshin is the one who had a hidden true nature. In this story, we learn that 'the scum of London' had already targeted him several times even before he became known as the Reaper, simply because of who he was and who his brother was. JEESH. Harsh. So on the night in question, a couple of thugs also tried to kill him (allegedly) but Genshin stepped in to protect him. Genshin became lightly wounded as a result. This is the part where I would have expected them to explain Van Zieks's scars, but he never mentions being wounded himself, so we can't be sure this is when it happened. Curious. This was the perfect opportunity and they let it slide. So anyway, two days after that incident, Genshin was arrested.

Some more telling lines here. Van Zieks thinks he'd never recount the story to anyone; not because there's no need to tell it. It's because it must be difficult to talk about. On its own, that might be a farfetched conclusion I wouldn't make, but Ryu confirms it with his follow-up line: “Thank you... for confiding in me.” We can take this line to mean exactly what it says; Van Zieks confided something painful. He let down some more walls. Growth!

So with all this out of the way, there's a whole load more investigation to do before this case is over. Most of it has to do with Genshin's will, a mysterious trunk belonging to Gregson, the missing time of death on the autopsy report... Nothing too relevant to Van Zieks's character. However, if we go into the prosecutor's office and examine things while Kazuma is there, we do get some fun tidbits about how Van Zieks wouldn't trust anyone else to touch his things and would rearrange it all himself whenever needed. From the sound of it, Van Zieks is very meticulous and a loner, which aligns with what we know about him. Some more conversation later, we reach the topic of the Reaper with Kazuma. He agrees that Gregson was definitely involved in the Reaper organization, but there's one thing that's more important. “Who's been giving orders to the Inspector?” In my eyes, it's a bit of a stretch to assume with certainty anyone was giving orders; Gregson might've just taken up the vigilante justice by himself and found some way to pay Shinn enough money to get in on it. Kazuma insists, though, that Van Zieks is 'the real Reaper'. We as the audience already know that's nonsense, we know Kazuma is wrong. Or perhaps we might think that if somehow Van Zieks pulled the wool over our eyes and Kazuma is correct, that'd be one heck of a wild twist. Kazuma gives no real reason why he believes this, he only goes on to say that ten years ago, it was Van Zieks who 'decided his father must be a mass murderer'. Shockingly, Susato is the one to jump in here and outright say to Kazuma that he's wrong; that Van Zieks only saw that 'justice was done as the law dictates' and he wasn't to blame for Genshin's execution. Kazuma insists that people condemn people and the law is just a tool they use for it. So I suppose that's exactly what he's doing right now. He's condemning Van Zieks, just as Van Zieks once condemned Genshin. We're cycling! And my main question now is this: If Stronghart had been the prosecutor in the Professor's trial instead, would Kazuma be just as vengeful towards him? Because remember, it's people who condemn people. This implies that anyone who had taken on the job of prosecutor at that time is the one who 'decided that Genshin must've been a murderer' and would need to take responsibility in Kazuma's eyes. Kazuma's beef isn't with Van Zieks personally, it's with the prosecutor who used that tool of the law and also evidence.

HAHAHAAA! HAH! If you align this screenshot next to the “Klint van Zieks was a noble and upstanding man” line, you get a wonderful parallel. These two prosecutors are both dead wrong about their beloved family, and they're about to find out in the worst way possible.

One murder mystery spread out over two episodes? You bet! Stay tuned for the last case, The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo!

#dgs #dgs spoilers #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #barok van zieks #I can't believe I managed to cram it all into one post #phew #but this was a big one

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softkuea · 3 years ago

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You're My Sky Episode 8: I'm out of words, I already watched the episode and i have tears in my eyes still. This is gonna be long, but I need to point everything because If I don't, I feel like I'm not doing justice to the show.

First, let's appreciate the change of the aspect ratio:

The aspect ratio it's only for Thorn and Fah's story, it starts with the match and it ends with the match. Now, I don't who had this idea, but let me tell you: I LIVE FOR THIS SH*T. The director/producers are fucking brilliant, this gives the show a cinematic look, fits perfectly with the raising tension and intensivity of what is going on. I don't see a lot of shows using aspect ratio to convey specific feelings, so once again, You're My Sky is going the extra mile.

Second, THIS WHOLE SCENE???????

The chills that I got all over my body. Not only is so well done but it's the parallels for me. Then Fah's face once he remembers this...

It's the way I can see the anguish, the pain, the hesitation... every little emotion is just one image. When i said the actors are so good in this series, I'm not joking, plus the cinematography... it becomes a masterpiece in my eyes.

Then we see more flashbacks.... I can't put every frame, but if you saw it, I'm pretty sure you notice the parallels and how well crafted it was. "I'll follow anyway" / "I'll follow to the National Team" "Practice, be better at basketball, and then, follow me. Okay my duo?" / "It'll be okay since we're both here, we are the basketball duo"

Fah finally realizes what he really wants, what is more important to him. It's being by Thorn's side and playing as a team, getting that gold medal TOGETHER: that's his path, his final decision, what makes him happy. I really love how teamwork won agaisn't extreme individualism, basketball is a sport after all, you need people. "I'm not elite as you saw me, I'm not the same type as you. And you've asked me if I'm strong enough to fight my battle alone. I can tell you... I'm not, I'm too weak to fight alone, I'm better thanks to the others"

Just this alone, it's so beautiful written and a lovely message: it's okay to be "weak", it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to need people and there's nothing wrong with that because everyone is different. Coach Tuan has a very narrow way of thinking, that will be his downfall at the end.

Now, the third thing, the rebound:

Once again, we are having more parallels, but I think what got me in this part is how euphoric this moment is. At the end, what makes them win is the same thing that made them lost with Coach Tuan, the same thing he didn't thought was "smart move": it's helping each other. "When I miss a shot, you'll go get the ball" And that was so satisfying to see: what a good ending to this arc. I been talking a lot about Thorn and Fah, now my two cents about the other couples. Aii and Saen: Breaking up is part of life, if you been in a relationship, you know the fear of "what if". Aii is overthinking, but is normal, he is not used to dating and a distance relationship it's a huge commitment. However, I'm happy that they he is giving it a chance, after all, if you don't take the risk, you never know what can come out of it. Yes, they are still pretty young, stuff will get messy, problems will happen... but that's life, I think they need to appreciate their time together now. I believe in their love, and with Saen by his side, i think he will be okay. They are such a cute couple and i just hope they communicate a little bit better with time, that's all.

Vee and Dome: Yikes, where do I start? Vee had a freaking panic attack and Dome still doesn't realize is his fault? (btw, that scene is extremely accurate, panic attacks are that heavy and i felt for him). Do we really want them together? I think we all know the answer, this isn't gonna work. You're My Sky has potrayed this situation is such realistic lenses... I don't know how they will end it, but i trust them. VEE DESERVES BETTER, PERIOD.

#maow speaks #long post #i got excited so yeah... sorry #you're my sky the series #you're my sky

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spiderstyles04 · 4 years ago

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COBRA KAI SN 3 SPOILERS

Episode 1:

Can’t stand the fact that they’re trying to make Sam the victim, fuck the white bitch 😤. (okay yeah she’s kinda the victim but like she deserves to be blamed)

I can’t stand the fact that everybody keeps trying to make Robby the villain (ik he’s MIA, but the words they’re calling him make me wanna punt their asses into oblivion 🧎🏽‍♂️🏌️)

Episode 2:

Kreese is actually fucking sadistic wtf.

fuck men (esp. those that prey on young girls).

cops @ the prison rlly said: “I aint see nothin at all -👄-“.

wow so you can definitely see who is Johnny’s priority! Instead of continuing to look for his missing son, he went to go see Miguel🖕🏻.

and Miguel is like boohoo why’d this happen to me it’s all Johnny’s fault. Uh no it’s partially yours for accelerating the fight. Shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of a fight if you wanted to come out unharmed.

Robby blaming himself for everything and worry abt the others before himself is making me cry my eyes out pls 😭😖.

Daniel fucking Larusso rlly said let’s catch this scared teenage boy off guard and have a cop sneak up on him and arrest him

Episode 3:

I hate that Robby is in jail but he looks hot af

Not the LaRussos blaming Robby’s grudge on him being a teenage. Like you literally had a cop sneak up on a terrified kid and you expect him to take your calls???? I think tf not.

Sksks Sam rlly out here acting like Tory got angry outta nowhere and that she had no reason for being brutal. Yeah having a bad background doesn’t justify bullying but you kinda provoked her. YOU KISSED ANOTHER GIRL’S BOYFRIEND WHILE YOU HAD ONE OF YOUR OWN. SUCK IT UP AND SHUT UP LIL BABY.

Not Robby fighting with guys in prison over their comments abt Sam of all ppl 💀 she’s the reason you’re in there and she cheated, what the fuck are you defending her for?

sad puppy Robby is making me tear up shit I love him too much to see him in pain 😖

God I hate Eli. Imagine being jealous of not being able to creative enough to raise money for your friend so you resort to stealing the money from the only ones able to get money for him 💀.

“Douche clown” BAHAHA.

NOT JOHNNY MISSING OUT ON SEEING ROBBY BC HE WAS WITH MIGUEL HE COULD’VE CALLED AND LET HIM KNOW FUCK JOHNNY

Episode 4:

NOT JOHNNY ASSUMING THAT ROBBY IS THE ONE STARTING FIGHTS (reminds me of Jess and Rory from Gilmore Girls when she accused him of fighting with Dean when rlly he just got attacked by a bird)

I love that Robby is telling Johnny off like PERIODT KING GO OFF

Nah if some idiot wrecked my lego diagram that took me weeks to build, I’d knock him on his ass no hesitation. Idgaf if I got expelled

Not the counselor completely disregarding the fact that Dimitri’s project was wrecked

Every time Johnny enters Robby’s life, he just makes shit harder for him. I feel horrible for my bby

Kreese has a god complex & I wanna put him in the ground 🕳👨🏻‍🦽👩🏽‍🦯

Little miss princess got some anger issues oop

Not Johnny making a paralyzed kid get out of bed 💀

THOSE KIDS IN JUVIE BOUTA FEEL MY WRATH MFRS DISRESPECTING ROBBY MAKE ME WANNA SKSKSJSB

KREESE BETTER BACK THE EVERLOVING FUCK AWAY FROM MY BBY ROBBY I WILL NOT HESITATE TO RECREATE A CRIMINAL MINDS EPISODE WITH YOUR BODY GRANDPA DONT TEST ME

Episode 5:

Robby basically telling Kreese to fuck off and tell talk to “somebody who gives a shit” is everything to me I love him

Not Johnny using a sex magazine to motivate Miguel 🤢

If Robby gets back with Sam I will RIOT

Imagine taking pleasure from terrorizing others and children sksksk couldn’t be me

Damn it Robby you shouldn’t be fighting. It’s only gonna make your sentence worse bby. Ik he’s an asshole, but you gotta be the bigger man

The fight in the lazer tag place I- not even gonna comment

YAY MIGUEL GOT SOME MOVEMENT BACK IN HIS LEGS

POP OFF MRS. LARUSSO YOU PUT KREESE IN HIS PLACE

Episode 6:

I’m glad Eli is abt to get the vibe check he deserves

Miguel rlly should choose what he says more wisely like sir you can’t just tell the angry mentally unstable girl that she needs help sksksksk those are words of war to her

Oh Mrs. LaRusso getting in on the action lmao

Episode 7:

Damn Tory rlly wakes up every day and chooses violence uh it was a dream nvm

There’s no fooking way Miguel recovered from a spinal injury so quickly 🙄 also why’d they throw away the wheelchair??? That shit is expensive af

Imagine having a dad that actually feels genuinely bad for not keep up with your life SKSK couldn’t be me

I haven’t seen Robby in a hot minute and I’m getting pissed abt it.

I love when ppl tell Eli off. Gives me a diff kind of joy

tf is Eagle Fang sksksks

@ Kreese: Bye bitch 🥴

Episode 8:

THE DIFFERENCE BTWN THE THREE DOJOS IS SO FUNNY BAHAHAHAH

I cant believe they’re dicusssing Kreese when they’re abt to pick up Robby I- none of these men are fit to be stable father figured to him

Glad Robby told them to fuck off bc when the going gets tough, unfortunately, they will always choose someone else over Robby

But I’m all here for Miguel’s character development. Looks like soon I’ll have a total of 2 characters that I like on this show

NOT ROBBY DEFENDING SAM FOR CHEATING AND CALLING IT A MISTAKE PLS YOU ARE SO NAIVE SHUT UP SHES A STUPID GIRL WHO THINKS SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING PLS OPEN YOUR EYES

Eyyy go off Miguel preach

Nvm fuck that. I’m glad Robby walked in on Miguel and Sam flirting so he could see she isn’t all she’s cracked up to be. I’m glad he’s telling them off. I just hate that they’re making him out to be a villain, AGAIN UGH

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO IF ONLY YALL COULD HEAR MY SCREAM OF ANGUISH WHEN ROBBY WALKED THROUGH THE DOORS OF COBRA KAI BABY NO YOURE THE GOOD GUY DONT GO WITH THE FUCKING PSYCHOTIC ASSHAT PLEASE

Episode 9:

Fuck fuck fuck I’m terrified for this episode

MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄

oh shit Ali...

Trouble is in the air....

Miguel and Sam 🙄😀

Oh so Robby is back in his sn 1 wardrobe... 🤬

OH I SWEAR FOR FUCKS SAKE IF TORY AND ROBBY GET TOGETHER I WILL STOP WATCHING THIS SHOW FOR GOOD ISTG

PERIODT ROBBY DENY THE BEER A WISE DECISION

Not you making bad decisions again Robby smh we’re trying to keep you out of jail

I repeat... if Robby and Tory get together I am RIOTING

Fuck Johnny

Episode 10 - final episode:

I am the quintessential example of seething anger. If I was an anime character, I’d have steam coming out of my ears and a tic mark on my forehead smh

BAHAHAH DANIEL’S GLACES TO JOHNNY ARE SENDING ME

Tory has got some anger issues that surpass even my own, and that’s saying something

Also why tf are they fighting in Sam’s house??? Like I don’t like her but thats not only trespassing passing on private property, but the damages they’re causing are gonna cost a buttload

I’m just glad that Robby isn’t there to fight. Thank you bby

I LOVE THE MUSIC IN THE FIGHT SCENE WE LOVE SOME ROCK CHRISTMAS INSTRUMENTALS

I love the fact that Eli is realizing how fucking stupid he’s been acting

NO ROBBY DONT FIGHT JOHNNY YOU DONT KNOW THE FULL PICTURE BABY STOP BEING FUCKING DUMB

NO JOHNNY THREW ROBBY INTO THE LOCKERS FUCK IS HE OKAY IS BABY OKAY

DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT KREESE DONT PICK IT UP YOU GERIATRIC ASSWIPE

NO ROBBY IS FULLY UNCONSCIOUS FUCK IF I WAS THERE I WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP BC IM FIRST AID TRAINED AND CPR CERTIFIED CALL 911 JOHNNY

YAY DANIEL TO THE RESCUE

I’m still crying over Robby fuck

Everybody over here hashing shit out and Robby is inside the dojo like X👄X

NVM HES OKAY HES WALKING IT OFF

NO GO BACK TO FUCKING SLEEP BITCH BC YOURE STILL NOT THINKING STRAIGHT WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH KREESE GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

Anyways all in all, fuck season 3 gn

#cobra kai #cobra kai season 3 #robby keene #samantha larusso #miguel diaz #johnny lawrence

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morganas-pendragons · 5 years ago

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Best Carol/Melissa Episodes

So I got bored in Quarantine and I was so moved by Look At The Flowers that I decided to make this list of the best episodes that either feature Carol/Melissa as a lead or she plays a large part in them. I haven’t seen S1-2 since like... 2014 as they’re my least favorite (i know i’m sorry but i did include honorable mentions) but I’m so freaking proud that I couldn’t not make this list. Here we go! Feel free to add to them! ** means they’re my favorite performances of Melissa! I do mention some scenes that are also with Norman/Daryl as he is a LARGE part of who Carol is. If you think it’s ‘’shippy’’ which it might be, don't read it. I worked on this for almost two hours.

season 1

- for real, what woman keeps a grenade on hand? That was it. That was where I started paying attention to her.

- also, the scene where she digs the pickaxe into Ed’s head? I think Daryl and I both fell for her then.

season 2

- the honorable mention!! the barn scene in which carol learns the fate of her daughter. I don’t remember most of s2, but this one I do. I think this might’ve been the first point in the show where I was like, “Hey Google, how to protect someone who isn’t real.’’

season 3

- walk with me: We get to see how Carol has changed during her time on the road after the farm and how much she’s learned. This is also, unfortunately, the last time we see her for a couple episodes until Daryl finds her in the cells below.

- hounded: daryl finds carol. It’s sweet, it’s warm and soft and there’s alot of reunions and alot of mourning over T-Dog and Lori.

season 4

- Carol has become a leader in her own right for this season. She teaches the kids how to defend themselves during the ruse of a story time and takes on Lizzie and Mika as her own after Ryan is bit.

- indifference: After killing Karen and David to stop the spread out a virus, Rick takes it into his own hands to banish Carol. This one hurts too because it’s quite obvious why she did it. She did it to protect herself and the people she loves, but sometimes that’s just not enough.

- the grove: emmy emmy emmy emmy material. Holy crap, I CANNOT stress this enough! This is the make or break episode for Carol as a character. There’s beauty and devastation and anguish all wrapped up into 45 minutes. This should’ve made Melissa well known. This should’ve won her multiple awards, and it didn’t. But we know. We know.

season 5

- sanctuary: this one goes down in history for multiple reasons, and most of us know them. 1.) Caryl reunions galore. Even if you don’t ship it, that moment is so, so sweet. 2.) If it weren’t for Carol, your fave would be dead. That’s literally it.

- consumed: OOF. Really.

- The back half of season 5 after the arrival at Alexandria is hilarious to me. Because these people are so sheltered from the darkness and the cruelty of the outside world that Carol takes on their own persona to blend in with them, to know the naivety of these people and to hide easily among them to get what she needs. This is also how she befriends Sam, who probably reminds her of Sophia which is why she’s so cruel to him.

season 6

- jss**: ‘’Miss Peletier, you are an honest to goodness hero.” No. Freaking. Way. I remember watching this episode and rocking back and forth on my heels in anticipation because up until this point, I think this might’ve been one of the bloodiest moments in the show - and right in the center of it all is Carol - who is now of the mindset that, ‘’hey, we need to kill, we don’t have a choice.’’ and she portrays the internal struggle behind all of this so, so well. The scene with Melissa holding the body on the stairs was what won me over for this episode. It’s very much a merciless 45 minutes.

- no way out: Carol is not a lead in this episode, but Melissa is very heavily influenced between this one and the previous because of her confrontation with Morgan. I remember how angry that made me, having to watch him bodyslam her (a former domestic abuse victim) against the floor. Outside of Carol, this episode is one of my favorites in the show.

- not tomorrow yet/the same boat**: Carol moreso plays a bigger part in the latter as opposed to the former, but these two episodes really showcase two things: Her heart to protect her family (IE: A now pregnant Maggie) and her deteriorating mental state. Outside of The Grove, I think this is one of Melissa’s most powerful performances. it’s also the only female led ep in the show

- east**: I cried the first time I watched this. Carol vs The Saviors, #2. This episode breaks between Morgan and Rick going out to look for her (HENCE ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE QUOTES ABOUT CAROL: “That woman, she’s a force of nature.) I don’t think I really understood the power behind the eyes in the midst of television until I saw this episode. I can’t find the gif, but I’m sure most of you who’re reading this know what I’m talking about.

- last day on earth**: again this episode shifts between perspectives as TF is trying to get Maggie to Hilltop for her pregnancy complication, but Melissa is stellar here. Carol doesn’t want to love because if she loves, she has to kill, and she attempts to manipulate one of the survivors from the massacre into doing what she can’t: taking her own life. She just wants to go, and Morgan won’t let her. This one is a bit darker, and the episode as a whole is not my favorite, but it’s definitely up there in my favorite performances for Melissa.

season 7

- the well: if there was ever an episode that would show you that Melissa aces comedy, it was this one. This is meant to be an introductory to The Kingdom, but the hilarity behind the way Carol talks to Ezekiel is so entertaining. It’s kind of hard to believe she ends up marrying the man (we’re not going into shipper discourse here, friends) but this one also shows you something through Carol’s eyes: The differences between people and walkers and her desire not to kill. She wants to hide, and she does.

- new best friends: Daryl lies to Carol about what happened in the clearing with Negan. This one is so so heartfelt. It’s deeply intimate. It showcases two people who’d move heaven and earth to ensure the safety of the other, both physical and mental and emotional. Norman and Melissa aced this. I can’t say it more simply then that.

- bury me here**: I love love love love love this episode. The entire thing is a metaphor, but I love it anyway. If I remember right, this is also the one where Morgan tells Carol about Glenn and Abraham. Remember what I said about the power behind a look? This is another instance in which Melissa shows she is the master of this.

- carol spends alot of the time at the kingdom for the rest of the season and i cannot really remember any more memorable performances for this garbage, as they took my fave and reduced her to a side character for this and most of s8.

season 8

- the only performance i will give any credit to in this season is 8x04, which is Some Guy. I barely remember the rest of it. Minus the moment where she finally saves a kid - Henry - instead of losing one. And a heartbreaking moment between her and Morgan that I also barely remember. Case in point, S8 was and still is garbage.

season 9

- 9x01-9x05 all have Carol in them because whenever Angela Kang took over the show, she had the brilliant idea to actually use her lead women as leads. Season 9 feels like an eternity ago and I can’t remember if she took over before or after AL signed off, but my point remains. Between Carol’s loyalty to Ezekiel because of Henry, (who she has now taken as her son), and their marriage, and her short stint as the leader of the Sanctuary as Negan is in confinement, there’s something in Carol here we haven’t seen in years. It’s something akin to peace, or as close as she’s gonna get to it. 9x03 and 9x04 (particularly the conversation b/t Rick and Carol) are my favorite of this cluster for her.

- I almost dropped off after 9x05. I thought that was it, I thought that was gonna be where I ended. Nope. This woman - AK- took this show and made it what it had been and I’ll never be able to thank her enough for it.

- Who Are You Now: I only remember this one because of the scene where Carol and Henry are in the carriage - side note: I really need to go back and rewatch this season again - but one of the things that caught my attention about the after of the bridge was how the relationships b/t parent and child are approached as significant. They’re not the future. The adults are building for the future of the kids. Michonne/Judith, Ezekiel/Henry and Carol/Henry. It’s sweet. Very sweet.

- Stradivarius: this is a very Caryl heavy episode, but we find out something here: Even with being married to Ezekiel, Carol has still gone out to see Daryl where he resides by the same river that took Rick. Henry sees the relationship between him and his mother. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face. This one is just adorable. I love it.

- The Calm Before**: Ow. OW OW OW OW OW. You want more pain? Here you go! Carol faces the dark truth as she crests the hill that holds her worst nightmare: Henry has died. She’s lost another kid. You wanna restrain yourself from breaking through the TV to comfort Carol for the umpteenth time as she breaks? Cool. That’s what you get here.

- The Storm**: Split apart by the death of Henry, Carol and Ezekiel no longer remain married. She gives up that fairytale - one of the happiest she’d ever had - and begins wallowing in her suffering over the loss of her son. Heartbreak and grief do not come easily to her. They never have. Can you imagine being suffocated by things you’ve never talked about? Can you imagine having to live every day with your grief? Well, look here... that’s exactly what Carol does, and you want to know who her guiding force is?

It’s Daryl.

season 10

- I remember when Season 10 aired, I watched the first episode in Kenya and loved it. I’d heard something about how PTSD was a BIG factor in the progression of the story throughout this season, and as someone who wants to go into mental health counseling, I was so intrigued by this that every single episode kept my eyes glued to the TV. Carol is the lead female now besides Michonne, but I’m gonna tell you every single favorite episode of mine anyway.

- Ghosts: Carol makes a mistake and fires at Alpha when they meet her at the border. She wears a mask that’s so composed it’s almost hard to see the heartbreak beneath it, and that’s the point. She’s not considering her life. She’s considering vengeance for the life that was taken. This is a constant circle for her. Alot of people are tired of this arc and I get it, I do. But the difference between this one and the three seasons previous is that we’re meant to get to a resolution now. This episode broke my heart. Especially the last scene in the gym.

- Bonds: Another Caryl heavy episode. I love this one. It’s very lighthearted compared to the rest of the season.

- Open Your Eyes**: This one is utterly terrifying and eerily reminiscent of the one in S2 where Daryl interrogates Randall. Carol, having just brought back a Whisperer from her escapade with Daryl, interrogates him to find out the location of Alpha’s horde without any real consideration for the people around her. She also uses Lydia for her own personal gain, and I’m not gonna lie - Even though this one is one of my favorites because of Avi Nash (WHO WAS SUCH A GOOD ADDITION TO THE SHOW I LOVED HIM AS SIDDIQ) This episode made me so angry because of Carol’s motives.

- The World Before**: And when I said I was angry, this episode turned it all into heartbreak. This one remains one of my favorite of the show and of Carol for one very specific reason: The scene in the woods between her and Daryl.

As someone who has never done grieving well, this scene hit me so. hard. She’s so set on this path of vengeance and blood that she’s neglecting a very real truth that she has never done well: talking about her burdens, talking about the pain and if she does that, if she acknowledges it, then she will hurt.

- Squeeze: I don’t have to talk about this. I just have to show you.

Ow. Please, please let her heal. I’m so tired of seeing her hurt.

- 10x11 and 10x12 don’t really have Carol, and neither does 10x13, but she’s there. We see her a couple of times, we have a conversation or two. Let me get to the penultimate moment. One we’ve waited for years to see and which next week will give us the rest of.

- LOOK AT THE FLOWERS*****: You can be a Carol fan for five minutes or five years and still somehow managed to love her MORE after watching this one. There’s a couple reasons why this one is probably in my top 3 for both Melissa and Carol as a whole.

1. I have waited years to see Negan meet Carol. JDM has made it very clear how he feels about MMB and I knew, I knew, that once this interaction happened I would not be disappointed. I should’ve realized she was the one who let Negan out, but I didn’t. That entire first scene is gold.

2. This entire episode is just.. art. The fact that Carol’s darker side takes the form of the being of her hatred - Alpha - is fitting, and it’s also the first time we’ve really gotten an actual dialogue about multiple things that have formed her character for the last several seasons: The Grove, the loss of Sophia, Ed... It’s heartbreaking to see because she keeps telling herself pushing people away is better, it’s better to be alone because there’s no one to burden, and the darker side of her asks a very simple question: What do you want?

Her answer is clear, at least to her. I want to be alone. But the fact that the darker part of her, the one that keeps calling out on Connie, doesn’t agree. No. There’s something deeper. Something she’s too afraid to acknowledge.

3. That whole final scene. Wow. I’ve watched it like four times because Samantha Morton is just so good as Alpha, as Carol’s dark counterpart, trying to mock and taunt her into doing the one thing she never was able to do herself: Dying. This episode is dark because of this realization. “Look at the flowers’’ is akin to ‘’It’ll all be over soon.” but instead of choosing death, instead of choosing the one thing that would let it be over, she chooses life. She essentially chooses to fight for herself which she has not done in YEARS. The minute she acknowledges that it’s never too late (FOR WHAT?? HM??) the demons disappear. I think that this point into 10x15 will give us two things that every Carol fan is desperate for: Healing for Carol (FINALLY!), and a resolution to this endless arc of suffering.

Also... Why do we think that Daryl is the one who ends up welcoming her home? Why is he the one who opens the gate?

Long story short: I love this character. I love Melissa McBride as she is one of the most down-to-earth, humble and compassionate actresses in Hollywood. It’s a shame she’s not gonna be recognized by The Academy because if ever there was an actor/actress on this show to win, it’d be her.

#Carol Peletier #Melissa McBride #The Walking Dead #TWD #twd spoilers #messing up my own tagging system just to prove my point

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gothic-safari-clown · 4 years ago

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The Mind’s Power Over the Body

Part 17: From Protector to Pathetic

Story summary: They only ever had each other. It had been that way since high school, ever since Elianna transferred to dreary Arlen and took Jonathan under her wing. They go separate ways for college, and when they're reunited at Arkham Asylum professionally, Elianna comes to find that they've both changed during their time separated. Can she look past the promise of danger and stay by Jonathan's side as they slide further and further into the darkness while she grapples to come to terms with the truth about herself? Can she accept what needs to be done in order to hold onto the only person who holds any meaning in her life? This is a very self-indulgent AU that draws from several different canons of the DCU and ignoring others, starting in the Batman Begins Nolanverse. This will follow the plot of the movie, although the timeline has been very slightly tweaked.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16

Word count: 1580

A/N: 👀😗 I hope you all like angsty cliches as much as I dooooo!

It seemed to Jonathan that Elianna had learned from her first experience with the fear toxin. While she still fell unconscious once it began to wear off, the effects didn't last as long, and in lieu of frightened screaming, she had managed to restrict herself to quieter sounds of terror.

Upon seeing his friend's distress diminish as her eyelids grew heavy, Jonathan unfastened the restraints and took the belt from her mouth. When he turned his attention back to her, he found that El had already curled in on her side; she would twitch every few seconds, each one accompanied by a soft whimper, whether from perceived pain or from fear he couldn't tell.

Even so, he once again felt pride well up in him as her body relaxed more and more. He was surprised to find that she was still barely lucid when he laid down and pulled the blankets over them. Magnet-like, she was suddenly tucked against him, seeking warmth. Once the shock by the speed of her movement wore off, he allowed himself a tiny smile and secured his arms around her as Scarecrow piped up with his usual assortment of vulgar persuasion; easily ignored at this point.

Elianna finally relaxed into a deep, exhausted sleep, the material of Jonathan's shirt bunched up in her hand. He was very quickly growing reaccustomed to her unconscious insistence for closeness in her sleep. He found his fingertips skimming up and down her arm lightly as his thoughts returned to the execution of the attack on Gotham.

Admittedly, Elianna's insistent reminder of all that he had accomplished in the process took away much of the stress and replaced it with a sense of premature victory, which was very welcome in comparison. Jonathan found himself slipping into sleep more quickly than he had in a long time.

.xXx.

That didn't last for very long, however, as he was tugged back into semi-consciousness after a few short hours by El shifting uncomfortably in her sleep while muttering to herself. Jonathan blinked in the darkness (he had forgotten to turn on the bathroom light, damn), trying to bring her face into focus. He had only barely made out her furrowed brow and defiant frown when her voice began to raise, along with her poorly coordinated movements.

Jonathan had long been accustomed to soothing her back into sleep without waking her up when she had nightmares (which was concerningly often), but this one was clearly escalating faster than he could wake himself up.

That was, until whatever she was experiencing reached a crescendo, and she bolted upright, sucking in a deep, shuddering breath, followed by a short cry of torment. In an instant, Jonathan found himself next to her, his hand on her back. Instinctively, she leaned into the touch, pressing sideways into his chest with another anguished sob as her friend tried desperately to unscramble his tired brain.

This was troubling, to say the least. Generally speaking, El didn't really cry. Not like that, anyway. She hated to cry; she considered it a 'waste of energy,' in her own words. Even when she had occasion to, it was usually just a quiet tear or two and didn't hinder whatever else she may be doing.

But sitting there, listening to his friend actually sob in earnest, Jonathan found himself getting worried. Quietly shushing her (what the hell is that going to do, idiot?), he put a hand on the back of her head to hold her in place as she sucked in another shuddering breath.

"Breathe, El, breathe." She didn't respond, but she did make a second, slightly more successful attempt to take in a normal breath. "That's it; everything is fine." Jonathan cursed the brusqueness of his voice, still barely awake enough to even speak, let alone police his tone. "It's okay," he tried again—better.

Gradually, El's breathing evened out, but she continued to cling to Jonathan like a lifeline, trembling. Once again, he found himself disturbed by the extreme reaction; this was not normal.

Eventually, she sat back up, still shivering and with tear tracks just beginning to dry on her face, which bore no expression as she stared blankly forward at the opposite wall. Jonathan waited patiently for her to speak first; his hand had returned to her back, still uneasy.

However, he was comforted when she finally let out a frustrated sigh, disgusted by her own lack of control. "Round two nightmares are a bitch," she offered flimsily. Caught off guard, he couldn't help an amused scoff.

"Clearly."

"I can't remember the last time I cried like that, ugh," she wiped at her face, all fear replaced with frustration. "That was so annoying. I'm sorry." The apology was punctuated with an awkward half-laugh as she feigned confidence. It wasn't convincing, however, as she wouldn't look at him as she spoke. "Go back to sleep; I'm just going to get some water."

Jonathan considered joining El in the kitchen as she shambled in the direction of the kitchen, but he was just...so tired... Surely a moment to herself would do her some good anyway.

Once in the kitchen, Elianna flicked on the light and took a moment to brace herself against the counter as she scrambled to compose herself. What a stupid situation. She was no stranger to nightmares, having often been plagued by them for her entire life. So why was this one so different?

She knew why. Being in such proximity to Jonathan again had not only stirred up old worries but had given them new form as well. When he had first confessed to her his situation with Granny, many of her dreams had depicted her finding him dead somewhere, pecked to death by crows, or starved to death, or any other horrible possibility.

But their dynamic had shifted so much since they were teenagers. Whereas back then, she had been the protector, their roles had been reversed drastically, and as such, her Jonathan-fueled nightmare had borne a very different image.

Doing her best not to think about it, El finally filled a glass of water and drank it slowly.

In the meantime, Jonathan was facing a dawning realization of guilt. In all of the times that she had been woken by a nightmare when he was around, Elianna had never...snapped like that before. She had blamed it on the toxin, and maybe that was true to an extent, but he was sure that the impending attack on Gotham had played a larger part.

And the only reason she was even in the city was that he had selfishly orchestrated for her to be there. If he had just ignored the application on Warden Sharpe's desk, she was sure to still be in California, bored but safe. As such, he felt a sense of responsibility for her continued wellbeing, and to his mind, this episode made clear what a dismal job he was doing. She was even smoking again, for God's sake.

When she ambled back into the bedroom a few minutes later, Jonathan had resumed a horizontal position, one elbow covering his eyes. Thinking he had fallen back asleep and not wanting to wake him again, El crept back onto her side of the bed carefully.

It was just another nightmare. Just go back to sleep, she commanded herself, shaking off the remaining worry. Just another really intense, very real feeling, vivid, horrible nightmare, she thought grimly as she remembered flashes of what she had seen.

The city in chaos, fire, destruction, screaming, pain; Jonathan standing over her, watching as she begged for help ("please, don't leave me here, you promised!") before he walked off, leaving her alone, injured, and at the mercy of the panicked, violent citizens of what used to be Gotham...

A movement from the other side of the bed startled her out of her thoughts as she released her breath from her tight chest. Blinking through the darkness, she saw that the arm that had been previously thrown over Jonathan's face was now stretched out between them.

"Come on, you know you're going to end up over here anyway," came his tired voice by way of invitation. After a moment's hesitation, El obeyed and once again found herself tucked up against her friend's torso. "So, what happened?" Jonathan asked as his arm wrapped around her and felt a sharp intake of breath from the redhead.

"It doesn't matter." He waited patiently for her to elaborate. "I already know you wouldn't leave me behind." Oh. Almost subconsciously, he squeezed her tighter.

"No, I wouldn't." The finality in his tone did well to reassure El and quell the final remnants of her apprehension.

"No, of course not. Doesn't matter," she murmured to herself, holding him close.

"Doesn't matter," Jonathan repeated affirmatively, clearly drifting back to sleep judging by his voice, and El found herself at last in a similar state. She hummed a response and kissed his shoulder before the pair finally slipped back into slumber.

#the mind's power over the body #Jonathan Crane #scarecrow #Nolanverse #batman begins #Elianna Montgomery #jonathan crane x ofc #multi chapter fic #slight au #fanfiction #scarecrow fanfic #cillian murphy #cillian murphy scarecrow #tmpotb chapter 17

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sometimesrosy · 6 years ago

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honestly skykru should ease it up a little on clarke and stop blaming her for everything when literally now as im rewatching every time she’s making a big decision she presents it to them they say that they can’t do this and then she literally says “OK THEN GIVE ME A BETTER IDEA” and everyone shuts up and never gives her a better idea or a solution to the problem. and she takes the blame for every single action because that’s who she is and always have been

I think they are going after her for a couple of reasons.

1. She betrayed them and it was, like yesterday. So they have to make peace with it, and their separation was so significant, that the betrayal is on top right now. It’s a lot of feelings, and for a lot of them, anger is an easier emotion to deal with than the other things getting her back makes them feel. or the other losses.

2. the people who are snapping at her are in character. Murphy and his snide comments. Emori with her defenses (who is a minor character still) and Raven who has always held Clarke accountable. When they feel unsettled they lash out.

3. Not everyone in skaikru is mad at her. Bellamy, Echo, Monty and Harper were not. Raven, Murphy and Emori were. That’s about half considering Monty and Harper are gone but still chose Clarke. And TBH I bet Murphy worked through his mess, it might have been his way to reconnect with her, idk.

4. Raven’s issues are different, and longer lasting and I don’t think she dealt with any of them when Clarke was dead so they’re coming up now, and it’s not only about Clarke but it’s about Raven herself and her own self identity, so I feel like this is a really valuable conflict.

5. BEWARE FANDOM INTERPRETATIONS: A lot of them exaggerate what’s happening in the story to feed their own biases in the story and are not really interested in how the characters grow or story moves outside of who they want to win the big fave/anti game.

6. The truth is Clarke did what she could and she made horrible decisions, not because she wanted to, but because she had to choose among ONLY horrible decisions and no one ever gave her the option to choose a path that didn’t include anyone dying. And she took responsibility for those decisions and the blame for those decisions and all the people who are alive now are alive because of her.

7. If the characters are mad at Clarke, it’s for narrative reasons. If we’ve watched Clarke save them all again and again, sacrificing her own soul and life to do it, then when we hear them BLAMING her for the choices that we saw NO ONE ELSE WILLING TO MAKE, choices that they sometimes forced upon her, actions that no one else took responsibility for, then it’s going to ring false with us. (UNLESS we enjoy the falseness because it feeds our own created fantasies of Clarke as the bad guy. But what that means is that we are also engaging in the falseness and are complicit in telling ourselves lies, just like the characters.) If what the characters say: That Clarke is the bad guy, doesn’t fit with what we know as we have watched the show: That Clarke is the hero, then that sets up a frisson. A tension between the story as it is and the way the characters see their world.

8. Raven TOLD her to make the list. No. She FORCED her to. She has OFTEN pressured Clarke to “do her job,” which Raven has defined as leading them, and deciding who lives and dies, coming up with plans. Raven told her to kill Lxa and gave her the knife to do it, in order to save Finn. But when Clarke got out there, she saw that killing Lxa would not save Finn, but would kill Finn, Clarke herself, and the ENTIRE camp. It would have signed their death warrant, so instead she used the knife to kill Finn. But she was not the cause of Finn’s death. Finn was the cause of Finn’s death. That was his sentencing for killing unarmed people in a pen. Raven knows this, but she’s never been able to really forgive Clarke for that, and has only ever heaped more responsibility and blame on her from that. “I did my job, you do yours.” WHICH. For six years. Clarke had done her job. And Raven did not do hers. Anyway. Have I said how much I’m looking forward to Clarke and Raven having it out? I want to see what comes of it, and how much of their long standing anguish comes out.

9. I think maybe Murphy and Clarke have found their equilibrium already, or are heading there. Which means it took 1.5 episodes for them to get over it. Angry spacekru=tension and some good resolution. So I am okay with it.

#the 100 #clarke griffin #spacekru #princess mechanic #team cockroach

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vrainsrewatch · 5 years ago

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episode 8 thoughts

i was gonna watch later, since i’ve got other things to do, but i burnt the shit out of my hands making hot chocolate like an idiot so i watched an episode first LOL.

this episode starts out with that really strong fairy tale scenery i absolutely adore, with yusaku and ai trying their hardest to get blue angel to wake up.

i seriously could talk about the imagery in this scene for days lmao. i love the sleeping beauty aesthetic, but i also really love the colors. LV goes through so many different color palettes through the series, but i love the purples and blues of this area here. i’m not sure if the intention was to make blue angel seem like she was meant to be there, while in contrast playmaker stands out due to his hair, but i seriously replayed this section twice because it looked so nice.

i have a lot to say about this episode, and it will also be my most screenshot heavy post so far lol, so once again, buckle up!

this episode starts to really build up yusaku as a character - his sense of justice, his core values, etc etc. on top of that, it takes its time to flesh out akira, and to show his worse qualities, which we’ll get into in a minute.

first, though, is one of my favorite awkward exchanges in the series lmao:

i’m surprised he even caught onto what akira was getting at, tbh with y’all. vrains started out ship teasing yusaku/aoi really hard these episodes, but drop it almost completely up until the minimal tease we get in s3, which i find really funny. i was always really invested in them becoming friends, though, so while i’m happy we had that happen in s3, i would’ve really liked to see it happen earlier. not this early, though - yusaku’s nowhere near ready for that.

I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN VYRA WAS HERE. yugioh hair makes it known that she’s going to be an important character, but i had really completely forgotten she was working as one of aoi’s doctors during this part lmao. i love this so much, actually.

moving onto everyone talking shit about blue angel on forums and stuff. this kinda shit:

would be really awful to deal with. it’s very real, though - cancel culture, anyone? but seriously, this is so brutal. on top of that, does this imply that she’s never really lost before? she is the number 2 charisma duelist in LV, so i wouldn’t be terribly surprised if that meant that she hadn’t really lost since starting to make it big as an idol. once again showing off how good of a duelist aoi actually is, even if the show makes her lose a lot. tbf, her loss/win ratio isn’t that bad looking at the other main girls - 5 wins, 5 losses on screen, and considering the kind of opponents she faced (soulburner, bohman, ai), that’s seriously not bad.

next up we get the chess pieces again, and boy howdy, does this conversation make me seethe.

i understand it’s partially a cultural difference thing, but i can’t help but get angry about it LOL.

i didn’t remember how often the chess pieces were actually utilized in these first few episodes, either. i guess i can understand why people were irritated they were just dropped, but i don’t really see them as a plot point, more like... just a kind of weird way to run a company? just show your faces and have normal meetings like everyone else, y’all don’t have to be so extra.

the akira/emma meeting is nice because it shows you more of emma’s character, but it also gives you more of akira’s stupider (and ruthless) side.

you don’t see him like this very often, but honestly, when you think about all the unsavory jobs he was doing to keep him and aoi afloat way back when, it kind of makes sense. even if he was originally a gentle person, you don’t last doing... any of the jobs he’s done, being that way. even a higher up in a company like SOL tech would have to be a bit harsher to get to that point imo. i don’t see a lot of people talk about this side of akira’s character tbh which makes me kind of sad.

also, seriously, he’s an idiot. how did he arrive at this conclusion? when he saw that it was aoi who was baiting him into the duel? no matter what direction i approach this from, i can’t understand how he ended up on that conclusion lol.

also, the worst father ever award goes to....

seriously! i hate that man so much lmao. to say that directly to your own child, on top of everything else...

it’s a nice look into revolver, too, though you wouldn’t know it at first glance. his reply says everything, though. he fully accepts his role in his father’s life and has an incredibly toxic attachment to him, and wants his approval more than anything. we never see him get physically abused by kogami or anything of the sort, but you can’t deny the mental anguish he must’ve been going through in order to keep on his father’s good side.

i know a lot of people like to say that revolver is kind of not a great guy, seeing the tower of hanoi arc, and how he probably should’ve went to jail etc etc but really, he was manipulated hard core. and extremely suicidal. i could really talk a lot about this all day, but i’ll cut myself off and instead say how much i love how vrains sets up revolver as a character. this, combined with “i’ll fulfill your wishes, father” from episode 3 gives you his motivations nice and clearly, but this specific scene also gives a bit of a hint as to where his character arc goes and what he has to work through. just thinking about this makes me so excited to get to 116 again lmao.

anyways, though. another excellent exchange comes up. seriously, lmao, ai being like “waaaah that’s illegal !!!!” and kusanagi’s just very casual

makes me laugh every time i see it. they are criminals, even if what they’re doing is for the greater good. they’re not exactly innocent here lmao.

then there’s the talk about the virus infecting her, and it’s a nice way to bring up how that works before the another arc comes up in.. a couple of episodes, right? tbh it’s the arc i remember the least about, so i’m looking forward to rewatching it.

actually though, the idea of viruses in LV being able to infect someone’s body is so, so interesting. i really, really wish they had done more with the whole LV/rl merge idea, but guess i’ll just have to write more fanfic instead lol.

i mentioned at the beginning of this post we get into yusaku as a character more here, and this is one of the lines that really made him interesting to me originally:

he has such a strong sense of justice, but what sets him apart from other ygo protags is that he is not defined by it. he’s not the classic, stereotypical do-gooder who gets caught up in something and has to make it right, his justice is more so that he is not okay with seeing other people hurt because of what happened to him. his justice is driven by his trauma, almost entirely.

revolver even brings it up this episode:

where he talks about how some rando wouldn’t have done them any good because it wouldn’t have been public enough. yusaku doesn’t really care about the little people, not in the same way, say, yugi would. it’s not that he wants them to be hurt or see them get hurt or anything, it’s just that unless it effects him directly, it’s not on his radar. but once he gets involved, he feels fully responsible.

while he didn’t plant the hanoi virus into her, he probably knows it was to intentionally draw him out thanks to ai (and the fact that he beats them up all the time). he feels fully responsible for what happened to her, and he’s prepared to do what is needed to make it right again.

i really like yusaku for this. i find those kinds of characters really interesting, and yusaku is no exception.

we get the whole emma/blue angel/yusaku scene, which is pretty sick tbh looking at it again - just shoot a church straight up from the ground for dramatic effect! - and i’ll bring up more of akira’s ruthlessness here.

seriously, this is not a line from someone who is just angry about his sister. and it’s also him being fuckin DUMB. playmaker willingly lets himself get caught into your trap, and he tells akira straight up what he has to do to save his sister - no sugar coating it, no trying to make it cryptic or difficult despite being caught in that hand and in that trap. he’s incredibly honest, and akira still does this lmao.

then it’s probably the wildest turn of events in all of vrains:

where’s that post that’s like, “remember when playmaker gets caught in a gothic looking church while he’s getting tormented by a giant demon hand controlled by his classmate’s brother and then his rival who he hasn’t met yet shows up in a lightning bolt to save him”? bc really LMAO what the fuck. it was so hype watching it the first time, and it’s still awesome watching it back.

and why is this never really??? brought up again later???? and when he leaves in that datastorm to go prepare to fight playmaker LMAO i know it’s supposed to look cool but the animation is so dorky, i love it.

more on yusaku, though. before playmaker goes to fight revolver, who he’s been gearing towards for awhile now, we get this exchange:

to which playmaker responds with “i don’t hate you. i only hate the knights of hanoi”. which is another really good moment for his early characterization and very, very consistent with his backstory that we find out in about 12 episodes.

everyone who wasn’t involved in the LI in any way just... exists to him. they’re completely neutral. if something happens to them because of him, he feels directly responsible, because he feels like he got them tangled up in a mess that nobody should be in. i mentioned that briefly earlier, but this really drives that point home.

he doesn’t even hate akira for torturing him mere minutes ago. because he’s been through worse. because akira was doing what he thought was right by his sister, no matter how stupid he was being.

and even more so than that, he’s not seeing this as fighting for akira. he feels responsible for blue angel, but also, here’s his chance to fight revolver. it’s a two birds one stone situation here for him.

anyways, i’m gonna stop myself there lol this is really long OOPS. gotta take care of a few things, and then onto the first rev vs playmaker duel!

#vrains #episode 8

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ceridwenofwales · 6 years ago

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Random but remember the scene where Lagertha killed Aslaug she said that Aslaug bewitched Ragnar. Rewatching vikings & in S1 ep.9 Lagertha goes to the Seer to ask about the dreams she’s having. She fears for Ragnar’s life and the Seer tells her that the shadows are from Hel’s Hall, the shadows want to take something from her. He also tells her that Ragnar is in danger from the magical world. This is the episode where Gyda dies and Aslaug is introduced. She really did bewitch him. Thoughts?

I’m so sorry that took me this long to reply. I needed to watch two episodes of the first season and check it out some of my favorite sources to give you a more appropriate reply. I don’t think Aslaug bewitched Ragnar and I’ll explain why I think so.

I was writing a meta and Dumblr (how I lovingly refer to Tumblr when it sucks) erased my highly detailed post. ;(

Brace yourself, it’s a meta. Hahahahaha.

I think to answer this we have to go back to episode 8 from season one “Sacrifice”. Lagertha suffered a miscarriage and they are preparing to go to Uppsala to ask for the Gods’ favor.

Ragnar: “Of course I’m happy. Why should I not be happy? When we reach Uppsala, we shall ask the gods why they give with one hand, but take away with the other? Why they make me Earl, yet kill my son?”

Lagertha: “We can have more sons.”

Ragnar: “Have we not tried?”

When they reach Uppsala, Lagertha and Ragnar talk to the Gods:

Lagertha: “Freyr, lord, fill me with seed and give me a son. Do as you will with me, make me blind or deaf if you want to, but give me a son. Accept the sacrifices of blood we make to you, the honor we offer you. My lord, make me conceive again before it’s too late.”

Ragnar: “Lord of lords, father, hear my prayer. Let me understand your will. Is it true that I shall have more sons like the seer says? Accept the sacrifice I plan to offer you and then answer me. Who will bear me my son?”

Notice that Ragnar is already doubting Lagertha will bear him another child and searching for the fulfillment of his prophecy elsewhere. Aslaug was yet to be introduced at this point.

Seer: “Do you think your husband is in some kind of danger?”

Lagertha: “I’ve had strange and disturbing dreams.”

Seer: “What happens in your dreams?”

Lagertha: “Dark shapes come to me at night. Monstrous forms. When I wake, they skulk in the shadows, shapeless, but no sooner am I asleep than they creep forward again.”

Seer: “Ah, yes. The shadows come from hell’s hall. No one can ensnare them, not even the gods.”

Lagertha: “What is it that they want?”

Seer: “To take something from you.”

Lagertha: “My life?”

Seer: “No, something far more important to you than that.”

Lagertha: “My husband’s life? Tell me.”

Seer: “Why must you all force me up and unearth me to sorrows? Your husband is in danger, but not for his life. He is in danger from the magical world.”

Lagertha: “How? Answer me.”

Seer: “I was unwilling to speak and I will say no more now!”

The Seer is clearly disturbed by Lagertha’s insistence and dismisses her.

In the following scene, Arne and Torstein see Aslaug bathing and she seems curious at the mention of his name. I think, as a Völva, she knew her destiny was with Ragnar and told his men that Ragnar should apologize to her on their behalf.

Ragnar: “Who is she, anyway, to put such a high price on her nakedness?”

Arne: “We didn’t ask.”

Ragnar: “I’m intrigued.”

Bjorn: “What’s so intriguing?"

Ragnar: "Sometimes the gods put things like this in front of us as some kind of test.”

Ragnar then challenges Aslaug to join them neither dressed nor undressed.Neither hungry nor full, neither in company nor alone.

Siggy: “What did the Seer tell you?"

Lagertha: "He said that it’s true; That Ragnar is in danger.”

Siggy: “From whom?"

Lagertha: "I don’t know.”

Siggy: “Who do you think?"

Lagertha: "I think he is in danger from himself.”

Lagertha knows Ragnar is ambitious and this scene is symbolic because as we talk about free will and fate, Lagertha is working on a loom. The Norse people believed the fate was woven by the Norns and so the female’s role of weaving, spinning, etc was related not only to the Norns but also to the practitioners of seiðr.

Any kind of textile work, particularly weaving, was believed to be a way of exercising supernatural power. One enigmatic aspect of seiðr is that it was connected with ergi ‘unmanliness’. If seiðr was spinning, it would certainly be unmanly for men, because spinning was the most characteristic women’s work. The feminine character of spinning also fits with seiðr in other ways. Firstly, manipulation of other people’s lives was also done by other kinds of women’s work.

There’s another important scene that implies this symbolism: Floki and King Horik’s conversation happens as they see a spider’s web. Floki is saying that the wolf Fenrir couldn’t be constrained by any mean known to humans.

Floki: “I came to ask about Jarl Borg. He won’t sell. He wants to make a deal.”

King Horik: “I’m not interested in deals.”

Floki: “That would make it hard for Ragnar.”

King Horik: “Ragnar will come to the right conclusion, and make the right decision.”

Floki: “Don’t you care if the negotiations fail?

King Horik: “Mm Look!"

Horik shows Floki how the spider attacks the fly trapped in its web. The web here can represent more than fate. Horik sent Ragnar to a doomed mission in hope Borg and Ragnar would destroy themselves and he would be rid of two problems at once. Let’s remember Ragnar is getting more famous than the King himself. Jarl Borg tried to convince Ragnar to form an alliance against King Horik and then asked Rollo to join him against Ragnar. There are more threats to Ragnar than the arrival of Aslaug.

When Aslaug agrees to follow Ragnar and his companions to the Ash tree that is believed to be Yggdrasil, he asks her:

“Why did you come along with me?”

Aslaug: “Because I had no choice.”

Ragnar kisses her for the first time and later on when Aslaug gives him the news she is pregnant, she says:

"I’m carrying your child. Did the Seer not promise you more sons?”

We might interpreter her words as a sign she knew of her role in Ragnar’s fate and that’s why she mentioned she had no choice earlier. Ragnar is conflicted because while he seems pleased his prophecy is being fulfilled, he knows Lagertha won’t take it lightly.

Now we have to examine the reasons why Lagertha could be suspicious Aslaug bewitched Ragnar.

The vǫlur were referred to by many names. Old Norse völva means “wand carrier” or “carrier of a magic staff”, and it continues Proto-Germanic *walwōn, which is derived from a word for “wand”.

Historical and mythological depictions of vǫlur show that they were held in high esteem and believed to possess such powers that even Odin consulted a völva to learn what the future had in store for the gods. Such an account is preserved in the Völuspá, which roughly translates to “Prophecy of the Völva ”.

In addition to the unnamed seeress (possibly identical with Heiðr) in the Vǫluspá, other examples of vǫlur in Norse literature include Gróa in Svipdagsmál, Þórbjǫrgr in the Saga of Erik the Red and Huld in Ynglinga saga.

The vǫlur were not considered to be harmless. The goddess who was most skilled in magic was Freyja, and she was not only a goddess of love, but also a warlike divinity who caused screams of anguish, blood and death, and what Freyja performed in Asgard, the world of the gods, the vǫlur tried to perform in Midgard, the world of men. The weapon of the völva was not the spear, the axe or the sword, but instead, they were held to influence battles with different means, and one of them was the wand.

The vǫlur were known for their art of seduction, which was one of the reasons why they were considered dangerous. One of the stanzas in Hávamál warns against sexual intercourse with a woman who is skilled in magic, because the one who does so runs the risk of being caught in a magic bond and also risks getting ill. Freyja, who is the mistress of seiðr, has a free sexual life that gives her a bad reputation in certain myths.

One of the methods for seducing men may have been the use of drugs. In Fyrkat, the grave of a völva revealed the use of henbane, a drug which not only produces hallucinations but can also be a powerful aphrodisiac. If Freyja was the goddess of love in Asgard, the völva was her counterpart in Midgard.

There’s also an interesting post by @dyannehs that points out a new interpretation of the archaeological evidence of women being buried with weapons as being practitioners of seiðr and not female warriors/shieldmaidens.

This hypothesis doesn’t dismiss the shieldmaiden entirely. There’s room for a sword-wielding woman if we ever gather enough evidence to support it. But that would not have been the normal role for women in battle. This hypothesis states that if women went into battle (and if they did, then they would have been a very small minority on the field), then they were not warriors but sorceresses, who would literally be casting spells and reciting charms and curses left and right and practicing magic in an attempt to sway the outcome and protect their own men and homes.

These women would have been in commune with the Valkyries and the gods, urging the fate of the battle in a certain direction. And the weapons found in their graves were not meant to be used but were symbolic of prowess in battle as something removed from warriors.

After all, how else can you physically represent the power of magic in battle?

And we know that sorcery in battle was a legitimate thing. Practitioners of seiðr had a wide range of battle magic and could perform such feats as instilling fear into the enemy, hindering the enemy’s movements, strengthening armour and weapons, weakening armour and weapons, providing invulnerability, providing other protections from weapons and enemy sorcery, killing enemy soldiers, fighting and killing enemy seiðr practitioners, and breaking enemy curses.

While a Völva was highly respected, there was also a reverential fear for the power they held. I don’t believe Aslaug manipulated or bewitched Ragnar. I think she only knew her destiny was entwined with his. I talked about Aslaug’s fate here as well.

Sources:

Seiðr

Old Norse religion in long-term perspectives

Women and Magic in the Sagas

Völva: Sexual Rites and Drugs

Seiðr and Norse Shamanism

Spae-craft, Seiðr and Shamanism

Viking Women

Norns

#vikings meta #norse religion #norse paganism #ragnar x aslaug #lagertha x ragnar #aslaug meta #lagertha meta #ragnar meta #seidr #ragnar lothbrok #ragnar lodbrok #the tale of ragnarssons #the tale of ragnar's sons #the saga of ragnar lothbrok #the saga of ragnar lodbrok #norse sagas

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the-nysh · 6 years ago

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Deku vs Kacchan 2, full episode live reaction/commentary

AHHHH it’s time and finally here, the important and long-awaited cathartic showdown I’ve been wanting to see animated for ages, as one of my most favorite parts of the manga, both character and relationship wise. ;A; Managed to stay offline and avoid reaction spoilers so I could see it fresh for myself without any distractions. So here we go with my whole in depth breakdown of the episode! 8’D Where I repeatedly get stabbed in the heart and end up completely losing my shit! Length: 4000+ words.

Edit: several of the sub’s lines have since been shown to be mistranslated, which I still transcribe here for comparison’s sake, since I already have the manga’s script memorized anyway. :’D

Last ep left us hanging with Deku’s reaction to Kacchan’s proposal for a fight, so bam, I’m glad this ep starts off immediately with his fumbling answer to him (midpoint of ch117). Ahh, if there’s one thing I miss from the manga, it’s the panel of Kacchan’s deadpan reaction to Deku’s rambling. The anime instead keeps his face half hidden until–

GAH!!!! ;A; THERE IT IS!!! His sudden face of open and honest sincerity! (One of my fav manga panels actually.) Subs have his line as, “What part of you made All Might do what he did? Let me see for myself. If the way you admired him was correct, then does that mean my admiration was wrong?” Oh noo... :’O The anime doesn’t show his whole face warping into a pained, unnerving expression like the manga does (and in a way I was hoping to see that transition animated), but instead shows an extreme close up of his eye, desperate and dead serious. Gbhgh, very tense and chilling (omg plus that dramatic choir ost swelling in the bg is getting to me too).

Flashback to both their childhood lines about All Might! UGH!!! I was not expecting baby Deku’s line to be that broken and watery! D’8 And said over the image of them standing opposed like that??!!! URGHHH fucking hell!!!

Crying and trembling baby Deku’s aspirations, said when he found out he was quirkless, with his dreams probably permanently crushed, and emotionally at his lowest, helpless, and most vulnerable point, REALLY GETS TO ME?! Fuck!! Just a prelude to seeing Kacchan’s turn at his most emotionally vulnerable too. (gwah, break for the opening, hah I forgot that hadn’t even played yet :P)

….!!!!!! 👀👀 Shit, shit!! There’s almost no room to breathe here! Ayy they show Kacchan stretch his arms and note how Deku uses kicks now (yoo he’s observant and watches Deku too), but gah! You can really feel Deku’s ‘hold on, wait!!’ pleas, because holy fuck this is jumping into it so fast! I’m not ready either!! D8

Ok, I can actually breathe a bit when Deku slows down to analyze which hand Kacchan will use, but ohh!!! They animated one of my fav effects, the popping sparks on Kacchan’s palm before he lets it all loose. :’D Hoo, “You like to read a lot into things, huh?” They don’t show the manga’s direct view of his smirk for this line, but do show the panels for their dual “Come on!” vs “Are you serious, Kacchan?” lines. (Hooboi, I’m recognizing manga panels left and right here. And why yes, Deku, Kacchan has been dead serious about what he wants from you this whole time.)

Yooo, that one sliding shot of them closing in face to face from the preview, but damn, that extra shot of all the over the top destruction to their vicinity. Whew, now that’s impressive for showing the scale/magnitude and seriousness of his explosions. :O (The collateral damage wasn’t shown nearly to that extent in the manga however, so wow. Also uwaah at the chilling ost for when Aizawa is notified.)

Ayyy!!! My fav bits of popping sparks are animated again. :D What isn’t shown is the manga’s detailed close up panels of them crouched on opposite sides of the road, but rather now they’re standing there, until Kacchan forcefully leaps onto Deku’s side. Visually this is an interesting and heyyy symbolic change.

Mmmm!!! Deku’s pleas for him to wait remind Kacchan of when baby Deku used to say the same to him in the past. :’))) To wait for him so Deku could catch up from following behind. Hrgh, symbolic flashback montage time. ;.; “No matter how much I beat you up,” ehhh more like he knocked Deku back down whenever he intruded too close for comfort, to try and make him stay back and stop pursuing him (to no avail however), “you were always stuck to my back like glue…!” Yup, because Deku’s spirit never gave up. :’) Ah, and now present Kacchan telling him, “Don’t run! Fight!” feels like a very challenge TO Deku’s tendency to always stick close to him. The Deku he’s always known can’t just break that behavior now and run away, especially not when Kacchan’s actually invited/allowed him into his space this time (figuratively, by acknowledging and offering the fight)! :O

“Even though we both admired the same person…!” ;.; To which Kacchan also recalls All Might’s words to him from their final exam, and how their levels of growth are different. (ok and by the way, the ost during this part is !!!!!) Fuck, fuck!!! D8 All Kacchan’s repeated and desperate questions “why?!” during their rapid back and forth of mixed blows, blocks and kicks…! (omgggg this animated sequence!) To Deku’s surprise counter-kick back, and…

The trip and FALL. (btw ost completely silences now) It’s coming it’s coming it’s coming…! Notice the position of the street’s center divide line. How both of them are stopped so close to the center now, yet still edging on opposite sides. Deku, shocked and realizes Kacchan might be hurt…powers down and instantly runs to him with the familiar outstretched hand & offer to help! ;A; Throwback to the river incident when Kacchan also fell and Deku offered THE same question, “A-Are you okay?” Ooof, the instant nerve button and animated slap away!

Ffffruuggh!! Shit, it’s happening; Kacchan’s voice is breaking. ;A; How he teeters and stands up swaying. “Why did I end up having to chase after the back of someone who was always behind me?” URGHH oh goddd, I’m in pain with the raspy broken delivery already. Also, now that Kacchan’s standing up, his feet are parted on both sides of the line, where now both him and Deku are standing in the center of the road. “Why did a damn small fry like you get strong…and become acknowledged by All Might…? Why is it that you become strong…but I…” SHIT SHIT SHIT;;; “Why was I…” Ohhhh my god, the slow raise of his head…!

“Why was I the one who ended All Might?!” HHHRRUUGHHH!!! THERE IT IS!! The most pained face of desperation and anguish. At probably his most conflicted and emotionally vulnerable point that he’s ever been in the story ;A; Just fucking end me where Nobu makes his voice crack and go all shrill while letting it all out. Some animated sakuga on the delivery and shake of his head here too, kkrghh. ;.; “If I’d been stronger and if I hadn’t been kidnapped by villains, then that wouldn’t have happened…” (ost starts again, and hrgg yes, the animated wipe at his eyes) “All Might tried to keep it a secret…I couldn’t tell anyone! Even if I try not to think about it…it just comes to mind unexpectedly!” (fuck me upppp, the way they animated him shaking his head here ;A;) “I don’t know what to do!” THE TEARS!!! It…it finally happened, and welp, I’m a mess now too. ;A; Kacchan’s line where he wails he doesn’t know what to do, would have had extra context/weight with Twice’s chapter shown before it (as in the manga). Because Twice notes how important it is to know ‘who you are and what you want to do’...and right now we see Kacchan currently struggling at that same personal and internal impasse. (Fortunately it looks like Twice’s part will still be adapted later.)

The shock here, that Deku feels, that I felt when I first read this part in the manga…and the realization that solidified with it, made me finally understand who my fav character was all along. There was no longer any doubt or denial holding me back anymore. Kacchan is that bleeding heart. At his most openly raw and vulnerable, bearing his true self for the entire audience and most importantly, for only Deku to see. Oh no…MY BOYYYYYYYY!!! ;A; <3333 “He’s been carrying this with him this whole time…! More than me…this whole time… He’s been worrying about it…Thinking about it…”

Hrgh, and Deku understands now too, just how much self-blame and guilt Kacchan put himself through after All Might’s retirement. Kacchan had been in more pain over it than Deku. With Deku shouldering the responsibility of All Might passing the torch onto him with the ‘your next’ line, Kacchan had shouldered the responsibility of believing he was the very reason that caused the end to his idol’s legacy of heroism. Taking a stab wound through his own heart, enduring that burden all by himself, and without able to tell anyone about it either. All while keeping up appearances that he’s ‘strong’ on the outside, yet all along hating how weak he actually is. Because of his inability and powerlessness to prevent this huge loss from happening in the first place.

“There might not be any meaning in this fight. There might not be any meaning in winning or losing. Even so, I thought that I had to go through with it. Because right now, I’m the only one who can accept Kacchan’s feelings.”

BOIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! There it is! ;A; Because it’s so true. Deku is the only one who can possibly understand both the familiarity and magnitude of what Kacchan is going through now. Good lord, Deku monologues this while Kacchan slowly steps towards him, teetering on the edge of the literal white line!!! Ah wait no, he steps over it and runs to the other (Deku’s) side of the road!! URGHHHHH!!!! Destroy me with this visual ‘walking the line’ symbolism!! ;A; Even Deku braces himself over both sides of the center line, to receive and deliver an answering kick right back at him, in the physical language Kacchan wants right now. Here we goooo~

More Deku internal monologue: “He might’ve just wanted to release these feelings he couldn’t do anything about by fighting. Even if that was the case, I couldn’t just completely reject him. It was kind of twisted if you thought about it.” Hrm, choosing to word it as a ‘twisted’ way of thinking, huh. “From kindergarten to elementary school, middle school, and high school…We’ve known each other for a long time, but until now, we’ve never talked about how we really felt.” Krgh, fuck me uppp with that shot of them back to back together. ;A;

Ahhhh!!! This part of the action resembles Nakamura’s a bit, with the dynamic zoom ins, impact frames, and flashy flame effects. ;A; Can only just sit in awe and watch it happen. No thinking indeed.

GUH! All the way up to the physical strike Kacchan gives to Deku’s core…ouch ouch;;; That bit animating how Deku dents the railing from the force of impact tho. D8 Omg these manga panels are implemented so quick, with them reacting and continuing without pause! Deku backflipping off the rail, but Kacchan catches his arm and throws him. The recoil landing him back in same place where Deku first landed on the rail too. Gosh these details!! DD8

“It’s only natural, but I’ve gotten stronger…” hrmm, the manga had it seem like Deku was comparing his slow reaction time to Kacchan’s rapid moves, while also praising him out loud too. Now, the subs have Deku talking and referring to only himself…to which Kacchan responds with “What’re you smiling about!?”…so which pronoun is the truth. But oh shit!!! Yoooo, that ost begins! 8’DD

“I’m sure you’re up to something! That’s what makes me sick! I can’t tell what you’re thinking! No matter how much I beat you up, you stick close! Even though you were nothing, it’s like you’re looking down on me!” *gasp* Only now, does Deku finally register and hear those words. It’s the same thing Kacchan told him during their first vs match, how he felt Deku was always looking down on him. They didn’t stop to listen to each other, and couldn’t even accurately read each other’s signals, this whole time! “That attitude you have like you’re better than me, like you’re seriously gonna surpass me– It’s an eyesore!” Because yep, Kacchan just can’t understand Deku’s intentions either. Can’t read or fathom why on earth Deku would bother to keep coming back to him regardless of all his attempts to keep him away.

“Is…Is that what you thought?” (ah yes, and I notice how Kacchan is standing on both sides of the white line again) “I mean, normally, if someone keeps looking down on you, you won’t want anything to do with them anymore.” Ya Deku, because that’s the same thing Kacchan thought about you too, that he felt like he was also being looked down on, by someone who was perpetually and already deemed the weakest, so he tried to distance himself from the walking conundrum (the contradictory person he couldn’t understand: Deku) that incited those confusing and wary feelings. Avoiding Deku didn’t work, physically and verbally pushing him away didn’t work, because Deku always returned back to him. If Kacchan ultimately couldn’t do anything about it, then the only thing left for him to wonder, is WHY?!

“But like I said before, because I had nothing at first, along with the parts I hated about you, I saw vividly all the amazing things you could do!” UWAHH!!

There it is, the sub’s version of the ‘to the same extent as all of your unpleasant traits, your sheer amazingness at everything you do was so brilliant to me, it was blinding!’ :’))))) “You, who had so much that I didn’t have, were an amazing person much closer to me than All Might!” BAWWWWW!!! There it is! ;A; His ‘Kacchan sugoi!’ Comparing everything he admired in him to something much closer, reachable, and worth aiming for in his life than their far-off, distant idol, All Might. ;.; As the answer to Kacchan’s why: Deku had always chased and sought after him, because he was that personal source of inspiration. How Deku viewed the positives he saw in him was so important, it likely kept the hope of his aspirations afloat ever since he was a toddler, when Deku had otherwise nothing else to keep him going. Without Kacchan nearby in Deku’s life, it’s doubtful Deku’s spirit would have even grown as strong as it is today. Kacchan is that important to him!!

(Holy fuck this is only just the HALFWAY POINT of the ep!! ;A; They managed to cover THIS much content in 10 min, whewboi that’s impressive.)

Omgg there it is, Kacchan’s unhinged grin at seeing Deku momentarily gain on him with a solid hit he could not avoid. Hoho, perhaps he likes it. ;) Finally getting a worthy answer and challenge to play toe to toe. His game on literally flares at that! Bonus: his eyes finally have a visible shine returned to them!!!! ;A;

Ok omg wait no, THIS animated part looks more like Nakamura’s style! Improvising off the manga’s panels for a flashy new set of choreography with plenty of impact frames!! 8D Fav part, to no one’s surprise: the shot of Kacchan’s glowing/sparking palm. Oh fuk that’s cool. <3

Hoho, and it’s not just Kacchan’s game that’s sparked, Deku’s has been too, to the point he even starts channeling Kacchan’s more ill-mannered traits. “This is gross, so I can’t tell you to your face, but…” (omg wut, gross? Heh goodness, Deku’s that embarrassed by it. :P) “When my feeling of ‘I have to beat you’ is stronger than ‘I have to save you,’ I inadvertently start spouting more insults. That’s the part of you that I hate, but the image of ‘victory’ I have inside me is of you.” …!!!!!! Urggkgh ;.;

Deku’s inner confession time. When he wants to win just as badly just as Kacchan does, aka his ‘what would Kacchan do?’ moments, without consciously controlling it, he starts behaving just like him too, foul-mouthed and all. :’D Even taking on the parts of him he dislikes. Kacchan’s influence runs that deep, and he’s set that much of an amazing, winning example to strive for, that Deku pretty much unconsciously becomes the embodiment of him whenever he gets desperate too. Whew, let that sink in. For how much Deku values Kacchan. :’D

Hooo, love the shot of Kacchan leaping up, for the way it’s framed AND because his eyes appear to be glowing red. :’D Yuuus, adapting a manga panel so nicely!

“I’m not a nice enough guy to just go along with your stress-relieving fight.” Hoho! And yuus, Deku has his own backbone to fully stand up to him with his own strength. Omgg and the shot zooming in from afar with the camera doing a full rotation around them leaping at each other! Ahhh! So cool!

Deku’s not handicapped to stick to just his legs (that would be using only half his repertoire, which wouldn’t fly in an honest, all-out challenge vs Kacchan) “I want to beat you, the incarnation of victory!” ;A; “In order to meet the expectations of All Might, who chose me!” By delivering his classic, straight ‘smash’ punch!

Krhggh!!! The punch actually brings shine to Kacchan’s eyes too, at the moment he resolves not to lose. His trademark tenacity and resourcefulness are not to be underestimated! Omgg, the animation of his arm grabbing Deku’s sleeve! :O Flipping them into an explosive pile-drive right down to the asphalt.

Smoke clears, and AKLFHLGHGJHGJ?! It’s the pin where they’re both breathing and wheezing hard!!! (Truth be told, when I first saw this page in the manga, it left me going uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh for…what it almost looks like. :P) Fucking hell, animation team went even further with the tightening movements in the close up shots for each hold. ERMM 👀;;; Ahahaha wow, I can’t ignore how suggestive this looks, uh, and hears. Omg BONES pls. ;D

Yooo, and even though Kacchan won this, he’s not happy or gloating about it either. Rather he reproachfully questions Deku, while still taking heaving breaths over him, ahh and there’s less blood on his face than expected, that if he has All Might’s power, then what is he doing losing? “Even with that power…even if you made that your own…You still lost to me…Hey…Why did you lose?” Like Kacchan can’t believe it himself. Heck, even from the pained look on his face, it’s almost like he wanted Deku to win.

Speak of the devil! Because the man himself arrives, having heard the whole thing. Ayy, and we have both boys completing each other’s sentence upon seeing him too. :’)

Kacchan’s “It’s too late…” while looking away, in response to All Might apologizing for not noticing, has me pained. ;.; Now, fully asking All Might the same ‘why’ about Deku too, for a clear answer this time. ‘I thought you were strong as someone who could already compete; he was powerless but more heroic than anyone else, so I decided he should also be able to stand in the ring.’

“I’m weak, too, you know…!” ;A; Ah!!! Oh no, my heart. “I always wanted to be strong, like you! It’s because I’m weak…that I made you turn into that…!” Uhuhuu, oh no, my boy. <333 Ooof, and while the manga showed Kacchan’s pained, guilt-ridden face to All Might here, now the anime shows Deku’s astonished reaction to his line too. :’) Mmm, that moment of rare yet honest humility from Kacchan. Savor it, for the truth of how he feels.

Double oof and BAWWWW!! Animated Dad Might’s reassuring and comforting hug!! ;A; That none of what happened to him was Kacchan’s fault to begin with. Along with All Might’s regret that he overlooked how this would affect him, only seeing his strength from the outside, and ending up making him bear that kind of burden alone. (He’s still only just a 15/16yr old kid to be dealing with this! D:), Krgghhh aww man, Kacchan really needed this; he’s practically starved for it. Even if the softness received from his idol’s compassion and a sincere apology still hurts. The reality still stings. Uwah, that dejected slap away from his touch. ;.;

“After being a hero for a long time, I’ve seen that being fixated on victory like you, Young Bakugo, and wanting to save those in trouble like, you, Young Midoriya…If either of those feelings is missing, then a hero won’t be able to carry out the justice he wants to carry out. Like how you, Young Midoriya, admired Young Bakugo’s strength, and how you, Young Bakugo, feared Young Midoriya’s heart…Now that your feelings are out in the open, I think you both understand. If you both recognize each other and can focus on making each other stronger, then you can save people to win and win to save people, becoming the greatest heroes.”

DESTROY ME RIGHT NOW!!!! ;A; It’s…the iconic LINE! Bonus YES!!!! Animating their slow, softening expressions to become more open as the realization sinks in, just like in the manga’s split panels! ;A; AHHHHH all of my feels! <333 Because it’s just as All Might says: that by supporting and helping each other improve, especially in the specialized areas where the other’s lacking, their combined strengths can become much stronger together than they could only operating alone. Greatest hero duo foreshadowing! 8D

“You…had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you. Don’t lose.” :’DDD That kind of humble encouragement from Kacchan to Deku, ahhh good.

Omg, All Might’s extra line, “I should be bowing and begging you to keep this secret. Just how much will I need you to be considerate for my sake…? Sorry, thanks.” !!!! ;.; I don’t remember this line put exactly like this, but it’s just…compared to what All Might’s already had to do, prostrating himself in front of others to keep his word, Kacchan is…well, when things are truly important, he’s probably one of the most honest and faithful guys there is. He keeps true to his word; he can be trusted. :’) “I’m not being considerate. It’s just too big a risk with too many drawbacks to spread this around.” Heh well, taking the smart and logical excuse then. :P And just like Kacchan can be trusted where things matter, All Might deems it worthy at this point to allow him the truth behind everything involving OfA and its history too.

Hoooo, I love how afterwards, when both boys are following All Might, on both sides of the road now, they’re also at the same equal distance back, side by side, without either falling behind. :’))) Ahh small symbolism for what’s changed in their dynamic. “Jeez, damn Deku, why’d you have to go and tell me for?” BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU, DUMBASS! And didn’t want you to feel like you were being tricked or lied to! ;A; (Yet...Kacchan still felt that way anyway) Agghh well, these hopeless fools. :’) Bonus soft Kacchan. <3

“But unlike what I’ve been doing until now, Deku– Like how you’ve been watching me and everything around you and absorbing it to get stronger, I’ll also make everything my own to go higher. Higher than even you, the chosen one.” :DD Yuus! Kacchan’s conviction not to cease his own aspirations, but rather to focus even higher than Deku, and now with a greater awareness on how to approach that mutual climb.

“The…then, I’ll go even higher than that! I have to get higher than you!” “I said, I’m gonna surpass you!” “And I’m saying that I need to go higher than that!” “What?!”

Ahaha, it shifts to their comedic bickering back and forth, as All Might muses how they’ve become more like proper rivals now. :’D Yuus, and now the secret behind All Might and OfA became a secret among the three of them. :’)))

Even more comedy seeing them both captured in Dadzawa’s tape! XD But what’s also so nice/fun about this is how they react like a pair of equally troublesome kids, both on the same page now. :’3

All Might gives his astute explanation, “Young Bakugo felt responsible for my retirement. He had to face the exam with those pent-up feelings, and in the end, his inferiority complex exploded.” Hmm, exploded quite literally. “It was because I didn’t realize and was negligent in his mental care…It was a fight brought about by the failure of adults…” :’)))) I’m glad All Might is humble and aware enough to realize and admit all of this. Tending for the students’ mental health, especially after a potentially traumatic event, and especially as children with no frame of reference on how to deal with any of this alone, is so important. Even the adult teachers learn how to do things better. It’s also heartwarming to see how All Might takes up the responsibility for causing Kacchan to fail his exam, reasoning Kacchan was too preoccupied with the pent-up feelings over his retirement that he couldn’t properly focus. Trading Kacchan’s responsibility of shouldering the burden, onto his own. Dad Might is so good. <3

Hooo, and yup, Kacchan owns up to what he did and admits he threw the first punch. :’DDD Oho, but Deku won’t run away from what happened either, “I also went in pretty hard.” Ayyy, slowly maturing boys. <3

*end credits break*

AFTER CREDITS SCENE!! Of their house arrest cleaning!!! :’D Oh sweet, Uraraka asks if they’ve made up. :’3 Yes, she supports them getting along too! YESSS then the quiet scene of them vacuuming alone! 8D

“About my Shoot Style… How was it…?” *long nervous pause, from both their povs* “The motions when you’re preparing to do a move are too big.” *cue soft mellow ost!* “Even when you got faster, I was able to just barely react in time. It’s not good for a slugfest.” “I see...” “When you used it with your punch, it made me mad.” *cue Deku’s honest surprise, and WOBBLY SMILE* ;A; “I see…!”

HRGGHH yes, their newly soft, tentative, awkward, yet ‘normal’ interactions. :’D As tender as a band-aid freshly removed and the skin left to heal on its own. The awkward dorks are taking wholesome baby steps now. With Kacchan willingly offering Deku encouragement and fighting advice in his own way. ;A; (Heh, Deku’s mixed, overly telegraphed style made him mad when Kacchan actually got caught off-guard.) Boi I cry, especially when the ost finally started up, nurturing that collective awwww moment. They are good and learning boys, and this is just the beginning! :’D

PREVIEW TIME!

…!! :O Yes, it’s Twice!! What was skipped from ch 115 looks to be moved here. (This ep61 adapted content from mid117-mid121.) *gasp* OH SHIT, Overhaul tease!!! And…!!! *screeching gasp* IT’S HIMMMMMMM!!! ;A; MIRIO!!!

AHHHHH <33333 Although my hype was off the charts to finally view this ep in its entirety, ahh omg I have plenty of more hype in store to finally see HIM animated as well! X’3 Oooh, this shall be good, with the Big Three tease too!

#bnha #bkdk #anime spoilers #bkdkpositivity #meta #commentary #long post #hooboi last time i did such a long ep commentary was for the last season's finale #how ABOUT that!? two bkdk season finales! 8'D #so much good content to talk about #yup this ep destroyed me in all the best ways #took almost 170 screencaps because i have no chill #what an emotional and visual spectacle

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