#anyway dont mind me rambling in the tags of my own post . ill be here all day

[windupaidoneus]

i have the exact location where theyre sitting in mind however its hard to convey in shitty quality comics

first comic btw sorry i forgot to... add that

[karmaajr]

HIYA!!!! ive been on tumblr for like, almost a year now (time flies 🤧) and realised that.. "oh shit, i still havent made an intro post" so hERE IT IS NOW YALL!!!! >,<

also btw, dms r ALWAYS open if ya wanna chat bcuz like.. i LUVVVV meeting new ppl so plsss slide in anytime frfr 🙏🙏🙏

anyways, without any further ado, HERE IS MY INTRO POSTTTT YAY!!!

about meee:

-> im like, a minor but idm nsfw convos :3

-> some of my irls have called me janjan?? so call me that maybe?? (🎶 HEY I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZYYY🎶)

-> ACC u can call me anything u want!! as long as it dont feel masc :3!! (I JUST RLLY HATE FEELING MASCULINE FOR SOME REASONNNN SHHEHSHDHS IM WEIRDD 😭)

-> last thing (hopefully) obvs translating to me being a she/her girly frfr

-> there will be a BUNCH of cringe shit!! yes, i am cringe but i am also free af!! ^^

-> anon hate is my babe, so feel free to hmu girly 😍

-> when i say girly/bro/dude i dont mean them as gendered terms so if u feel kinda iffy abt it PLEASE SAY SOOO, ILL TRY NOT U CALL U IT AGAIN.. LIKE GENUINLEY ILL DO BETTER TRUST

-> im a tad bit of a train wreck btw so js don't mind all that pookies 🥰🥰

-> a lot of this blog is reblogs but i DO HAVE SOME OG STUFF GUYS 😭😭🙏 ITS JS IN LIKE, LIL TAGS OF THEIR OWN U GET ME???

-> it has come to my shitty little attention span that some of yall think im white when i say im british....... CHAT NOOO IM BORN N RAISED IN THIS TEA RIDDEN COUNTRY BUT ETHNICITY WISE IM BANGLADESHI!??!?! YALL IM LITERALLY A BROWNIE OMFDS 🤧

@panikbutt0n is my maple-syrup chugging 4lifer/pookie wookie bear btw so hit girly up BCUZ HES AWESOMEE

MY TAGS!!!:

karmaajr rambles

karmaajr answers ig :D

important thing for me to tag bcuz yes

karmas mum mention :3

my sister and i

daddy's unhinged

BTW YALL, IM NOT A GATEKEEPER SO I GOT THE MATCHING PFP THING FROM @tuturthecarvroom BLOG (very skibidi art, do reccomend frfr)

AND CURRENTLY MATCHING WITH SILLIEST GIRL EVER @afrogwhocantdraw

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

(also dots bcuz yes :3!!)

anyways i have no clue what else to write!!! which is weird bcuz im a yapper frfr :D

ANYWAYS BAI BESTIESSS

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

OMG OKAY!! i didnt do this sooner cause i fell asleep but here is my rambling :))))!!!

so something i dont get to talk abt/dont talk abt much with people is my love for physical media and collecting physical media- especially music!! i have a stereo that ive had since i was in 8th grade and not to sidetrack the convo much but my dad and i found it way back when in the high school that id go to's football field dumpster. the speakers had come unhooked so they had thrown them out, i guess? anyway we brought it home and while ive gone through a different receiver and many different disk changers, i love this sm.

well the problem is, most of the music i own is from when i was an early teen and not that i dont like that music- i feel like my taste has changed a bunch!! so im slowly trying to get more albums i love now. my taste tho is kinda not mainstream so its not super simple tho 💀.

ANYWAY!!! YESTERDAY I BOUGHT 6 CDS!!! AND IM SUPER EXCITED ABT THEM CAUSE NEW MUSIC!!

phantom planet - self titled

clancy - tøp

coldplay - parachutes

a skylit drive - adelphia

phantom planet - raise the dead

phantom planet - phantom planet is missing

now ur asking probably why im so ecstatic abt them??? (maybe??)

well i had gotten clancy on a whim cause i didnt own it yet and had been meaning to get it. i have all of tøp's albums on cd apart from their earlier albums (self titled and rab) at walmart. it was an album i really loved jst cause it was just- REALLY GOOD. billie's album had dropped the week before and literally may 2024 i was eating SOOOO good with album releases 😭.

anyway this is where i named my cat from lol. this band is important to me and my life.

BUT PHANTOM PLANET'S SELF TITLED ALBUM!!!! THATS THE REASON IM FREAKING OUT OVER IT

i didnt even expect to find it!!! my dad had let me go to my favorite video game store thats got like- games, vinyl, cds, all sorts of collectables and card games and ttrpgs. i truly LOVEE this store, okay?? ive been going here since i was uhhh- a young kid.

anyway they dont always have the best selection of cds jst cause my taste isnt what they have so i rarely pick up anything AND I WASNT GONNA GET ANYTHING EITHER!!! i originally was gonna get resident evil 4 for the wii cause i havent gotten or played that yet and their ps4 selection was trash that day :(. BUT i decided "hey, might as well??" so i got to work scanning everything... and when i got to the p's OH my eyes couldnt believe it!!!

because THAT ALBUM??? I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN TALKING ABT THAT ALBUM FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW AND I LOVE IT??? i have this list on my phone jst cause i consume a lot of different albums to take note on what albums i wouldnt mind owning physically and this one was one of them!!!! i didnt expect to find it either????

originally id found it through dallon weeks- whom was in panic! for a short while way back when and then split off to do his idkhow stuff- as most people have seen me yap abt how much i loveeee idkhow on here- this is no suprise.

i follow the idkhow tag on here just bc why not?? and a while back someone had posted a video about dallon where he actually had filled or played bass for phantom planet- i forget which. but it was for the song "big brat" - which is on this album!! and i heard the bit of it and though "hey! this sounds... very influential on dallon's work?? its actually good??" so i opened my spotify and added the album for myself.

little side tangent but if i see an album or an artist that even seems remotely interesting ill just add the album for later. i have a whole backlog of music i still have yet to get to but i felt like i should give this one a chance- ALSO THE COVER??? the cover looks so cool. GOOD ALBUM ART. anyway i added the album just because i loved big brat.

and i was playing kh1 a while back- i remember, before id gotten clancy- so like i believe it was june-ish?? i decided "hey. why not?" so i put the self titled album on and played through kh a bit and realized... HEY THE ALBUM IS ACTUALLY REALLY MF GOOD TOO???? so i liked the album lol. BUT THATS NOT WHERE THE STORY ENDS EITHERRRR. bc at work sometimes i blast music on my bluetooth speaker (its not being rude cause its a loud warehouse) and i decided to put this album on like last week- LITERALLY LAST MF WEEK.

AND MY COWORKER CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED ME ABT IT CAUSE SHE LIKED IT AND WAS INTERESTED AND WE HAD A FULL CONVO ABT PHANTOM PLANET AND MUSIC IN GENERAL AND I WAS SO EXCITED TO YAP ABT IT CAUSE LITERALLY NO ONE EVER ASKS IRL LIKE THAT 😭. I FELT SO EXCITED ABOUT GETTING TO SHOW HER THE MUSIC I FOUND.

WHICH- is why i was so excited for finding this!!! bc its literally an album i wanted and had on my list that i wanted to get!!!

and they had two of their other albums there??? id never heard them but i decided ill probably like them too and wanted to take a chance on them.

coldplay was bc they have a buy 3 get the 4th free and ykw i think parachutes is underlooked bc its actually a nice sounding album. i don't listen to coldplay much but this and x & y are good albums. and i figured why not?? itd be nice to just throw on.

a skylit drive- i found at goodwill. ive heard of them but haven't listened to their stuff but it seems promising of a metal album. i didn't even except to FIND a good cd at goodwill either lmao. i had found some the black eyed peas but i put them back cause i didn't need them tbh even though i think their music is chill at times.

uhh- but??? i haven't heard this album yet but it seemed neat so i decided why not. i did pull it up on my phone before i bought it just to see what it sounded like and it wasn't bad!! im gonna have to give it a listen later omg.

but i really really want to get balance and composure's albums rn and deja entendu by brand new. later thooooo.

anyway im v excited abt finding that phantom planet's self titled album????

oh!! i got clairo's charm through my work but it hasnt shown up yet along w my headphone extension cable for my stereo so i can listen to my stereo on my couchhhh. i was gonna order more cds soon w them cause free lol but also i just want to get more music and use my stereo againnnnn

also @sapphosdickandballs , i saw ur ask but heres me rambling :)

hey!!!! i bought some cds today!!!! does anyone want to see or hear me talk about them??? i bought one album id been looking for!!!! completely by surprise i found it!!! rly happy abt it omg cause it was on my list of albums i wanted to own physically!!!! :]

[outragedslime]

I'm not that anon and neither am I against meat Roxy but some people don't seem to like that iteration bc of the widely accepted reading of Roxy as a transfeminine character. Idk how much of it is canon-supported and how much is just hcs tho

I mean if ppl liked transfem roxy then go ahead but. I like transmasc roxy and making me tag my own art in a way that lets people blacklist my art out from my blog makes me Super uncomfy. Like?? If u dont like it just unfollow me or if u dont wanna see my art in the roxy tag u can block me its not that deep... idk how to phrase this well but ive so many thoughts abt this. Again ill say i woke up almost 22 hrs ago so im v sleepy so i might phrase things wrong but here we go (also sorry for rambling here but i rly wanna get this out bc its been bothering me for ages and im!! Upset! This big rant isnt specific @ u this is like in general i wanted to type it in a post anyway but i was scared but fuck it ykno.) Id do a read more but im on mobile ill edit it later

Like we all agree that its bad to erase canon gay charas right? So like...why is it g to erase canon trans characters. Like yeah it was a popular headcanon but like......?? Headcanons get deconfirmed sometimes it happens??? It makes me feel like having a woman hc for roxy is more important than having a transmasc canon, which is. A constant self doubt of mine like i worry people will see me as lesser bc im trans and ive also seen it happen! So thats not very nice! To see the fandom treat a canon trans character as "lesser" bc theyre not trans in the way they want!

Also roxy is literally the only positive transmasc character ive ever seen in any piece of media. Ever. So that adds to it. The amnt of ppl who i seen say shit like "give her back u dont deserve her" like? That shit hurts!! Im sorry but it does! Constantly being told that a character being revealed as transmasc is "not worth it" is one of the things that makes me wanna leave the hs fandom bc holy shit!! Thats so transphobic!

Roxy is also rly rly important to me bc ive never seen a canon nb character who uses he/him either and like! I never saw rep lile that! If ur srsly mad abt transmasc roxy and want to be able to filter him out bc u prefer a different hc pls take a step back and look at urself and see how that can be transphobic. Like u can recognise that a character was important to u and like... be mature enough that u dont make ppl feel like shit when they now vibe w that same character? I used to hc transmasc vriska and i drew a few super self indulgent drawings that i didnt post publically and it was a Super important hc to me but i wouldnt draw that again now that vriskas confirmed transfem bc im not an asshole? If u see a trans character and ur first thought is "theyre not trans in the Better way though so i hate this and will make it clear to the people who like this that i hate this" thats transphobic.

Do u have to like transmasc roxy? Fuck no! U dont have to do anything. But srsly @ that anon earlier: like if thats ur reasoning, why would you go to me when i clearly take a lot of comfort in this character (i even Said seratonin time like. I draw roxy and i get an instant boost of euphoria) and imply that u do not want to see it. Like if u do not want to see it u can just unfollow or block me. Instead u make me feel like shit if im being honest! Ik that wasnt the intention so i dont blame u ily n im sorry if im bein angry this has just been building up for a long time. Like "tag this Canon trans character u relate to and love so i dont have to see him" that..doesnt feel good. Pls be mindful of that h,,

Like if u hc roxy as transfem im not gonna stop you like you do you, im not saying this to bash at transfem hcs. But i literally mean it in the nicest way possible, u dont have to interact w my stuff if u dont like it or if it makes u feel bad. Instead of coming to me and making Me feel bad. U can just unfollow and thered be no hard feelings. I draw stuff to make me happy, and if that stuff doesnt make u happy u dont have to stay, but i dont want to post art of the only positive canon transmasc character i know that makes me feel euphoric and tag it deliberately knowing theres people out there who will actively blacklist that specific drawing. Im not saying its bad to blacklist it, u can blacklist it, but im personally rly uncomfortable w that happening w my art of this specific character so if u dont want to see it u can just. Unfollow. Like 100% no hard feelings im not trying to be cheeky i just think itd be most comfortable for everyone involved bc i dont wanna sacrifice my own comfort and euphoria for other ppl.

Sorry for writing so much and ty if u read this ✌

[hotdadlicense]

ahh for my dearest zhenya @fapfapfashion lover! heres that bfu post i said id make for you like monnnnnths ago i PROMISE i never forgot! just :(:( life. but anyway this was FUN i love youuuu! disclaimer: im not rly in the fandom this is all stuff i see through like just some friends reblogging stuff every now and again and whenever i go to the tag to find stuff sometimes but ANWAY I HOPE its semi coherent <3<3<3 love YOU.

OKAY I FEEL LIKE i said YEH ILL MAKE YOU A MASTERPOST FUCK YEAH but now im like hmmm making a buzzfeed unsolved masterpost is.......not that much cos its like? all there on their youtube channels like its not like music or stuff where theres yknow albums! singles! unreleased songs! special live performances! music videos! documentaries! band info! like its all over on buzzfeed multiplayer youtube and buzzfeed unsolved network youtube but whatever i can ramble about dumb shit and link some stuff so ayeee.

heres the links to the actual videos:

SUPERNATURAL

+ season one // two // three // four // five

+ supernatural: postmortem

TRUE CRIME

season one // two // three // four

+ true crime: postmortem

all eps in order (including postmortem)

personal favs

a vid that bab @chantillystars linked me and i watch it every time im feelin not fresh so i can smile

someone elses better done video round up master post! op ur incredible

now under the cut cos i realy did ramble :(

okay so THE HOSTS!

RYAN BERGARA (insta//twitter)

the fucking creator and inventer of bfu its his baby and im so proud of him and how far its come <3

when the season finale of the latest supernatural premiered it trended at number 1 over the fucking new lion king trailer and he got emo on twitter and insta about it and i cried a lil bit

fucking loves sports basketball or whatever themeparks popcorn and paddington bear

not scared enough of ghosts to not sleep in a haunted house but is scared enough that he absolutely will scream the whole entire time that he is in said haunted house

first ghost encounter was on the queen mary when he was a teenager. the ghost knocked his toothpaste of the shelf and he freaked. and now he has shat his pants at every bump in the night since. icon!

works his ass for to produce mass amounts of content for us like its fucking insane? all up there are like 9 seasons of bfu plus post-mortems and its only been going since 2014?? plus everything else hes got happening??

rly sweet and funny but like in a frat boi kinda way but like. a frat boi you could trust?

SHANE MADEJ (insta//twitter)

wasnt actually the original cohost!

(BRENT was the orignal host but had to beg out a couple episodes in cos he was juggling too many commitments so which fair!)

ryan and shane were desk partners and longtime buzzfeed pals that ? if i remember correctly? interned together back when they first started?

ryan turned to shane one day and was like ‘yo, wanna cohost this show with me?’ and shane was like 'sure.’ and honestly trying to picture it now without shane?? okay ryan and shane just bounce off each other so well theyre like a dream team. god bless them being desk buddies and work pals.

shanes a freak

does not believe in ghosts spirits orbs and all things that go bump in the night like he seems to genuinely want to but like. science and his big ass brain wont let him.

very smart! can rly work a patterned floral shirt! or plaid! kinda gives a dad vibe in glasses but then he talks and its like okay please never supervise a child!

v into history! so much so that he has his own lil show on buzzfeed aka:

RUINING HISTORY

stars him along with ryan and sara (his beautiful and smart and talented gf who also works at buzzfeed <3) with some other ever changing cohosts

hes also responsible for The Hot Dog Saga aka THE HOTDAGA and i know there are people that adore it but! in their own words! id rather walk into the sea.

ryan, too, hates the hotdaga and i feel like this was? about the hotdaga after shane sung something fuck if i remmebr

RYAN + SHANE

these gifs are from the ?second ep? i saw of them honestly it rly sums up the ryan/shane dynamic i guess

but like. the way ryan looks and laughs whenever shane says something mildly funny? hearteyes mutherfucker

above when i said shanes a freak? yeah.

ryan letting shane live as long as he has? true friendship

whenever theyre at the lil desk in their lil basement talking cases shane just talks shit and ryan just lets him and i fucking love them

the LAST FRAME

oh one time they lucked out with a hotel that had a jacuzzi tub <3

yknow what? this was actually kinda sweet. like yeh bitch

shane madej: nations greatest tragedy.

i can hear this in my head just looking at these gifs and it makes me laugh everytime and thats BAD cos a child fucking died

shanes a freak pt.2

OH SHIT one time in postmortem they joked that brent was coming back and shane was leaving and fuck? they had to actually address that it was a joke fUCK

its not all shittalking and screaming there really is some fond and happy shit too

bfu most recognisable and iconic line.

shanes hottest pick up lines when hes on site

the comments on the video for this ep about this part are fucking hilarious please read when you watch that ep

okay its common knowledge that shanes a demon which ill tlak about in a sec but THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? ryans the fucking demon. like the way hes just standing there, hands clasped behind his back, giving shane (whos acting like a CHILD) that Look? demon bout to kill the dumbass chillin at a haunted house on halloween. come to collet a soul or 10. magical!

OKAY SO SHANE TALKS SOME BIG GAME IN THE EPS but HIS love for ryan will always melt my heart like HE LOVES and cares about ryan so much and supports buzzfeed unsolved so much and whenever things get dumb on social media shanes ready to call it out and make a post or just like. praise ryan (like he rightfully deserves) and yeah im emo about it anyway hes shane being cute part one and heres shane REALLY FUCKING going all out (!!!!!!!!!!.meme)i LOVE him also being cute part two

‘id walk into the sea.’

shanes a freak pt.3

ryan: “Are ghosts real?” shane: *this dumb face*

NERDS

i laughed for like 10 minutes the first time i watched this part thankyou shane

THEM LAUGHING TILL THEY CRIED ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DIED PLAYING THE PIANO

a real insight to shanes mind

ryan really puts up with this

shane got a bowlcut once just for funsies like okay youre no joba but good job i guess

TROPES/ICONIC MEMES/WAHTEVER:

shanes a demon

+ free real estate.meme

+ the office.meme

+ he aint right

+ JALDSHFK FUCK

+ ryan acknowledging that shane is a demon thankyou

+ like the good thing about having a guest fill in on the few times shanes been away has been ryan always being like okay so the demons not here so lets just acknowledge That

goatsman bridge

+ the video that started all this aka the one you reblogged hehhehe

+ what a fucking JOKE

+ an absolute JOKE

+ bridge owner fuck OFF

+ ksdjhfgjhsdkj.meme

sallie house

+ shane was insufferable this episode i fell in love for real how did ryan LIVE

+ like imagine trying to feel your heart beating while fucking shanes over there doing That

+ rock n roll buckaroo

+ swell has become apart of my daily vocal i hate

bobby mack

+ ‘hey there demons. its me, ya boi.’

+ ‘and frankly i dont believe in you, so i feel like im writing a letter to santa claus right now.’

+ tweet.meme

+ overall a great ep

+ can shane calm the fuck down okay i need ryan to make it out of this SAFELY and ALIVE

father thomas

+ ryans FACE also shane being that annoying sibling to ur parents

+ father thomas really went into this thinking he could help these boys to be fair shane was taking notes. ryan was just? dying inside

+ freak

+ imagine being like a 70 yr old priest hearing some dudes walking into ur congregation and overhearing ‘jesus said chill.’

bigfoot

+ ryan does not rly believe in bigfoot but shane does so like you win some you lose some

+ in the least shippy way possible this epsiode is ultimate soft gays going on a hike

+ like its just such a sweet domestic ep

+ <3

+ just happy babbey

[devilissue]

Question Tag

So I was tagged by both @felegs and @stayuwu to do the 11 Question tag and a different one but ill probably make that its own post as well so minimize the size on these but yeah im gonna go ahead and just answer their question together and then,,, i dont know if ill be tagging people ill decide at the end lmao

but yeah ill put it under a read more because i dont want yall to deal with my long ramblings. if you just want my questions and want to ignore all my answer than just scroll to the very bottom!

Stayuwu’s Questions:

Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

I am~ I typically day dream about fic ideas like how I would imagine them to pan out or if I’m in class then I’ll typically day dream about this is nerdy as hell let me be how like the psych topics were learning about could be panned out in a story like we learned about this specific condition in my cog class and i just immediately wrote the concept into a fic story lmao

What’s your favorite place in the world?

mmm depends. at home its the beach but specifically this beach by my house because its a very calm beach that also has a super cute little center with small local shops and stuff and minimal seagulls hate those fuckers but here at school its my departments building because every floor has a big staircase thats dark and quiet and has huge windows facing the forest and the other side has a balcony facing the campus and you can see the ocean if youre high enough and its just hgvfsd i love

What’s home to you?

not be like,,, cliche i guess but like,,, i dont? think i have one? i dont like feeling tied down so i dont typically think of anywhere as “home” 

This is not a question but quote a vine.

shawty i dont... mind

Grey’s anatomy or House?

House hands down i watched grey’s for a while growing up and its just,,, too much lmao house is so dark and unapologetic and i love it

Do you have any pets?

i have one (1) dumb dog that i love so much and can never stop talking about to showing off photos about

What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the distant mom friend

Do you hate someone? If so, why?

nah i dont have the energy to give someone that type of passion. im more of the if you fuck me over ill completely cut you out of my life within a blink of an eye type of cap not the ill hold a grudge against you type of cap

What’s your dream job?

working in a hospital with kids with mental disorders and terminal illnesses

What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

i,,,, dont know??? i know mayhaps 3 characters from MCU and thats only through like 1 or 2 movies lmao

I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

last night i went to sleep at like 1 am which is the earliest ive slept in so damn long and yet my body still decided it needed 12 hours of sleep. 12 hours? in this economy? please we dont have time for that i have articles to read

My Moon’s Questions:

what’s one thing that helps you relax?

being cold and listening to music helps me a lot so if im like freaking out or super upset ill usually go outside and either sit on the stair case or go walk around especially at night

what’s your favorite novel and author?

mmm its not a novel but my favorite short story that I’ve ever read is What We Talk About When We Talk About Love (but the original version) by Raymond Carver

are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

kinda? I’m not a big fan of pda so the most I’ll do is like give hugs or if its something real special like my sun or my ex roommate then I’ll give them kisses on the cheek or forehead but aside from that I’m more of a silent affectionate person who will just like,,, pat your arm or bring you some water when I know you need it

are you an early bird or a night owl?

oh definitely a night owl whether I want to be or not lmao

if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

mmm I have a lullaby that when my best friend moved back to their home state, they had me listen to it because they knew I was going through a really hard time and wasn’t not like,, in the safest of spots and I remember crying for like a solid 30 minutes and like even now to this day if I’m in a really bad spot I’ll listen to that song and just think about my best friend and like it just gives a small hope that things will be okay again

if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

Florence, Italy the only place I’ve actually felt safe ironically considering its hours away from anything I could ever consider home

what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

i have a shirt from this show that i love so much to the point my aunt stole it and hid it somewhere so now i have no idea where it is and will likely never get it back :’)

who’s your bias and why?

hgfds i have too many biases this is hard but uh honestly most of my biases are such for the same reason that being that they’re very strong capable people who have been through hell and back adn yet still always find a reason to bounce back and give life their all (ex: Yongguk, Young K, Taeyong, Bang Chan, Hanbin, Amber)

do you believe in luck and miracles?

finding you was a miracle but aside from that not really? i like the concept of them but i dont actually believe in them. i believe things happen for a reason yknow

what’s your favorite type of decorations?

christmas lightssss i own so many omg i think i have like,,, 8 strands with me currently?? with only 2 not being put up on some wall??

do you prefer being outside or inside?

definitely outside which is funny because I’m inside so much but I love going out adventuring and just being a menace to society tbh

My Questions:

What’s the “weirdest” song that stands out from your library?

Do you have a piece of clothing or jewelry that you hold dearly?

Have you ever gotten something autographed? How’d you get it?

What concert/festival did you really want to go to this year but had to miss?

What’s the hardest thing for you to do alone?

Would you rather stay in your hometown for the rest of your life but have everyone you love and appreciate live near you or move to your dream location and have a stable life but leave everyone you know behind?

Favorite thing to do during this lovely month of Halloween?

Are you a trick or treating kind of person or someone who would rather hand out the candy?

Do you have any crazy Halloween stories? Break into anything? Throw an insane party? Spill.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done that when you look back you;re just like “wow who possessed me and made me do that?”

If you could spend a date night on Halloween and just eat candy and watch horror movies, which idol would you want to do it with?

Can you tell I’m excited for Halloween? it was hard to not make all 11 of these spooky themed lmao but anyways let’s get to tagging

@newkids-thefinal @gayforjiwon @tangerine-jinani @taecheeks @devilji @kxmwoojxn @junheeart @kuromatoki @minhosgf @shen-anakins @minbebee @mias97

[flyingcookierambles]

forgot if i already talked about it but i guess i honestly didnt like wolf children/boy and the beast that much lol and i think i finally figured out why

ok so ill have my original post and short convo i had with this one guy and then write about my feelings after those two that provide some context.

ok real quick so wolf children and the boy and the beast are both from award winning anime director mamoru hosoda!

wolf children has a single mother with 2 kids who are werewolves/shifters since they can change whenever they want. she’s a widow because her husband was walking around the city in wolf form, scared ppl, and got killed by animal control in tokyo. she and her kids move out to the rural boonies on a small homestead where she farms and stuff so that her kids can have space to be their wolf forms and run around without fear.

the boy and the beast has a human child fall into the hidden magical parallel furry world and get raised by this beast/bear furry? i...forget what his adoptive dad’s species is lol, sorry its been a long time since ive seen the movie.

spoilers for the ending but. here.

wolf children - yuki, the daughter, decides to stay in the human world with her mom and go to high school. ame, the son, decides to live his life as a furry/wolf boy protecting the forests.

boy and the beast - adoptive father sacrifices himself for protag, fuses spirits/hearts/whatever with protag so that they’re not really separated even in death, then the protag and dad defeat the antagonist and the protag decides to stay in the human world with his human girlfriend.

soooo. yeah. the movie ends with the families splitting up and the two cultures of mundane humans and magical creatures separating forever.

(og post) original post from my kitsu:

“ok, so like after watching wolf children tonight, im left with a bunch of questions and, idk maybe i dont understand the ending, but like. what. i also have a copy of the boy and the beast and watched it a while go. and like. i feel like, out of his two movies, they were overall very good. however, the endings always leave me with a ton of questions and mixed feelings? is mamoru hosoda just going to be “that guy” for me? you know, “that guy.” like, he’s an ok dude but you have mixed feelings about him? is it still worth watching his other movies, the girl who leapt through time and summer wars, at this rate? idk???? edit: …. i realized i also borrowed mirai from the library, am i going to watch the whole thing and then be like. what.“

response to this one guy, pseudonym:

I didn’t like wolf children and while I overall enjoyed the boy and the beast I did feel it was lacking something. Give summer wars a go though as in my opinion it’s easily his best film, that said I haven’t seen Mirai.

my responses:

“ that’s interesting. hmm im trying to figure out what i didn’t like about his endings for these two movies and i think it might be the whole separation thing? but the weird thing was that i didn’t mind the family separation thing in maquia, another family drama oriented anime? so idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ????? what about you?”

pseudomym:

“I haven’t seen Maquia. It’s been a while since I watched either film but I just remember Boy and the beast feeling generally a little uninspired and wolf children feeling hollow having nothing going on but cuteness and idealization of the mother character that I couldn’t get behind. It also fell into the annoying and well worn trap of insisting the daughter come to terms with her wolf side as necesary but the boy’s arc is to go reject his humanity and abandon his family to live in the woods as a young teen and the mother learning to accept his really stupid decision. Fuck that, thats a shtty life decision and it should be treated accordingly.”

my response:

i agree with some points! like, i get that the mother was a hardworking single mother who needed to give her kids some more freedom and also isolation in life to hide the whole werewolf secret, but when ame was just like “imma drop out of elementary school,” and hana was ok with it, i was just staring at the screen like “no, why are you letting him do this?” i feel like my issue with the boy and the beast was that ren decided that “humans and monsters need to live in their own world,” and left forever when i was thinking “no man, you can have both, work in the human world on weekdays and just go back to the monster world on weekends or something, you have basically nothing in the human world but this random girl you met and whatever the japanese version of the GED is.”

so. after thinking about it. literally for a few years. i realized. the reason i don’t like these movies, or at least their endings, since the premises sounds interesting enough for me to try them. is probably because im projecting my own weirdo complex identity issues on them. (own ramble lol) (other ramble on kitsu) (transracial tag on main) (racial imposter syndrome with NPR’s Code Switch) (all mixed up what do we call people of multiple backgrounds, also on NPR’s Code Switch)

so. as you can hopefully see. i. am currently in a pretty big identity/culture crisis. and. i think that the endings of these movies rubbed me the wrong way because their solution was to choose one over the other. like. there’s no room to try to make it work, to try and have a balance between the two worlds.

as mentioned above, in wolf children, why the heck not try to make it work? be a furry forest protector and still visit your mom because you’re in the same area. in fact, ame is literally the stupidest kid/literal elementary school drop out because, instead of trying to help the forest with actual laws and such because bc, its sad but let’s be real, capitalism and bulldozers can affect the forest more than one kid trying to larp as the big bad wolf of the forest. and you know how ame could’ve tried to protect the forest in a more substantial way? literally just. finding a balance between the human and magical werewolf/animal world and becoming a botanist/biologist/ecologist/forest ranger. someone who can bring some actual solutions to fixing issues in the forest with science. instead of like. “feeling the forest vibes” or whatever the heck was even happening there.

and then also as mentioned in the boy and the beast, protag-kun leaves behind all his childhood friends and the ppl who helped his adoptive dad raise him, practically his adoptive aunts and uncles, behind for a random girl he met, his birth dad and step family, and whatever a japanese GED is. like. again, why not try to make it work? have two cultures????

you dont have to choose one over the other!!

i’m sure that mamoru hosoda didn’t mean to be like. idk. insensitive to people of mixed races/cultures, etc., esp. since japan is not a very racially/culturally diverse place so he probably didn’t even have this mindset when making these movies, but the message in the movies’ endings that you have to pick one culture, country/world, family, etc., over the other because they’re just too incompatible is just. absolute bullshit. do i care that they’re werewolf and magic furry world culture? no, i think you can and should still try dude.

like. i have. a bunch of intersectional race/culture/adoption issues, but am i going to try to have some balance and learn about all of them and live with them? yeah????? do you realize how stupid it is to me to think about like. having to pick between cultures???? its just like. to me, picking one over the other would be like forcing me to stay with white americans or just like. go back to china. like the boy and the beast protag did or someshit????? like???? i can try to balance them??? tisn’t that the whole point of like. chinese american/ immigrant created mixed culture/experiences, esp. for ppl like me who are transracially adopted and have complex life experiences???? wtf??????

like. i would love to learn more about my birth country and all but im not going to be an absolute dumbass like the boy and beast protag and move to another world/country just because “its where i’m from” or “i have biological family there.” i cant speak the language, i’d leave all my friends and family oceans away, how the heck would i even live??

anyways TL;DR - as a person with some complex feelings about identity, and culture, and a person greatly interested in intersectionality due to my lived experiences, mamoru hosoda’s movies and their bullshit anti-intersectionality messages, again most likely unintentional but my brain read it as this, make me not like his movies.

[in-paradox-space]

very long rambly text post, you know the drill

you’ll get nothing out of reading it, you may as well scroll.

It’s fucking painful. 

I barely even know her

but I can’t stop thinking about her

I’ve met her once, I shouldn’t feel this way about her.

I can’t concentrate on anything.

I just really really want to be around her.

I miss her.

and its really fucking painful to think she probably just wanted to get away from me 

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I need to work on improving my skills before college starts. I need to be able to pick myself up, eat the right foods, shower and sleep at the right times

I can’t. I can only think about her

and its weird. I have had crushes before, painful ones, for girls and guys.

and I’ve spent nights awake because of it

but this is making me really sad

to feel like I’ll never be with her and she’ll probably never approve of me

she probably thinks I’m really weird

and that I just want a hookup

because our mutual friends made it out like that before they invited her

and 

she’s a regular girl

I met her one night

and I don’t understand.

It would make sense for me to enjoy being around her and wanting to chill with her again

but it does not make sense that I feel like this

that she comes into my mind every single minute

and she makes it hard to focus on anything

I want to look at all the units on my course, and visualize how I can get the best grades in each one

I want to research some shit to buy 

I need to choose a good cheap bag to order from china or somewhere cheap

I can not concentrate on any of it. 

My mind is only interested in thinking of her

I’ve been waiting for a camera for weeks, it arrived today

I unboxed it. 

the tag and the plastic was still there

I need to format an SD Card and change the date/time settings

the box had the big bubble wrap 

why am I not excited? 

I don’t give a shit 

I don’t.

I only seem to care about her right now

and it feels like a drug craving

like im low

I need her to pick my serotonin up

and I think, relationships, crushes, love, affection, sex, all that shit

it kind of is like a drug 

not in a poetic way

but its basically the same release of chemicals in the brain

and you think about it every day

you look forward to it

and you feel highs and lows

pick me ups and comedowns

the rushes, the emotions

you change and shape your life to suit it, you make compromises

and its all for a release of the chemicals your brain creates

i know im not the first one to point this out

but im growing aware of it

and I’ve always been aware its just chemicals

an illusion, a distraction from what is important

and I know in reality it doesnt mean shit. I should move on and get on with whats important

but heres the thing

its making me low, because somewhere along the lines my serotonin or dopamine or one of those kind of things has been thrown off balance

and thats basically what happens when you want more cocaine, but it would be more extreme with cocaine of course

I want to see her again.

I dont want to ask my friends to invite her out again, its embarrassing that im interested

and i feel sort of uncomfortable knowing my friend fucked her that one time

i dont even care what we do

i just want to be around her

and i am well aware of how creepy this is 

considering i dont know her

and I spent one night with her

and if anyone spouted this shit to me, I’d think they were just being really dramatic

and they just wished they lived inside a movie

theres not really a pattern to when I think of her

and i find it so strange, because I really really dont know her

but I feel so strongly about her, like I would with a crush from high school

it just does not make sense, logically, to me.

but I will be thinking of anything and I’m suddenly overcome with this unique feeling

a reminder through my whole body

that I really really fucking like being around her

and I just want to be around her again

a feeling exactly like seriously craving a certain drug which you haven’t done for a day or so, but its less physical pain and more feeling emotion through a sense of weakness in your  body

 i wont tonight because i might not be thinking straight

but im considering just talking to my friend about it

and trying to see her again

and i want her to like me, but authenticity is important

but i wouldnt want them to set me up

and honestly i dont think she wants any of this

even if she did date me it’d probably be for 3 days and she’d move on

and she is the kind of girl I’d be friends with

but I really don’t consider people like her as anything more

she liked blink 182 and generic pop rock

i didnt even care about that

you can like whatever you like, but a part of my interest is usually dictated by that

i just liked her more

simply because I was learning more about her

and my god

I would fucking hate anybody who was talking like me right now

I will get over her. 

but for now I’m enjoying hearing her voice as I sleep

I think it happens to most people, it almost always happens to me after doing ecstasy 

the next few nights have mild hallucinations 

kind of abstract and psychedelic 

rarely scary but I have had very very fearful nights of paranoia a few days after in the past

they’re mainly voices

its like certain phrases keep being replayed in your ears over and over

not thought out but heard

like theyre really there

and you know theyre not there

but you feel as if these people are really around you

and youre in the same place

and you dont question it at all

you believe they are there

and its not imposing, it doesnt raise any questions. you’re physically in your bedroom but you look around, you hear them, youre really in the place you were the other night

and eventually when youre really drifting off

it becomes lucid visual

and you see them but you also dont

and its just certain things being replayed

and it has the potential to turn into a bad trip but its mostly pleasant and soothing

and I can still hear her voice

I still hear my friends and his girlfriends

but I hear hers too

I love it

I don’t want it to go away

I cant think of what she says

well theres one phrase

and again it makes absolutely no fucking sense

shes just a completely regular fucking girl, with her own interests and experiences

some we share. some we dont

and i met her fucking once, spent one night high with her. we didnt even kiss. hugged once

she didnt express any interest

didnt show any signs of it

and my heart feels fucking weak

and my body is released with, is it endorphins? 

it feels like when something release endorphins

an opiate effect.

im going to see her again

i wish my brain could take that in

so it will stop distracting me with thoughts of her at this crucial part of the year

the version of me from a year ago would feel disgusted by these posts

and I’m sorry, old me

I’ll always be me

probably

ill feel that same way about love again

i dont know what this is

i think im physically dependent on codeine again

and that might have influenced me being sick before

i took some when i got off the bus but it didnt change much

im going to go cold turkey anyway

i was planning on taking some at a gig but i begged kek, bargained to not be sick until im off the bus

and i made a sort of deal that i will sacrifice taking codeine at the gig

then bargained some more and said id stop

idk if it was them who helped me 

but a deal is a deal

and it will still be a fucking good show

would probably love it more if I was high though

im gonna have to forget that

and I feel sick again

im going to wash my hair and sleep

I started college today

I got up at 6am, and I would’ve made it on time but I was almost sick on the bus ride.

I didn’t want that to be my first impression so I went home.

I think it’s because of the weekend. I don’t take alcohol very well, even a little. Or cigarettes. I just get migraines from anything slightly unhealthy. 

I think its more of a delayed hangover/comedown though. 

If the pills are 200mg each, I did roughly 700-900mg of MDMA on over two different days.

I started one day, rested the next and continued the day after that.

to some thats a lot. 

To others it’s a milestone they’re way past. 

It’s the most I think I’ve done in that timeframe though though. 

I’m still very tired after sleeping through the afternoon and very weak. 

I want to make it tomorrow but I don’t think I will. 

It’s a shame. I want to ace the first project and make a good first impression. 

I told them I get ill a lot, they should understand but I think they’ll be suspicious that I just happen to be seriously ill on the first day

especially after talking about how much better I am compared to the start of the year in the interview

Now im going to think of a personal tag for her,

one memorable that isnt her name