#anyway don't listen to me I need someone to talk to
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messrsrarchives · 3 days ago
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last sunday i was feeling very melancholic and had spent the night on call with my nan for hourssss talking about my transition. she stayed up with me for hours, we spoke about everything from my childhood signs, to my discovery, to my exploration and starting hormones etc etc, we spoke about everything.
but really it felt a bit like a funeral, that's how she described it. she said it felt like a eulogy of what it could have been because that entire phone call started with me saying i need to Stop. she got a random message from me asking if she'd be by my side if i detransitioned, so she called me and we spoke about so many things i hadn't told her before - all of the harrassments, the comments, the friendships that ended that i've pretended haven't for years. literally everything from the stabbing attempt last year to the friend that blocked me when i posted about my first day on T.
literally my entire life in this one phone call and she ended it with "just give it one more day". there's a small dent in the wall from my phone now because,,, what an infuriating reply, right? one more day. one more day??? no, i need to make a choice now? i'm so tired of waiting for things to make sense, i did that for years and then it Did and then it all fell to pieces because even One More Day is one more than they want me to have.
and then the next afternoon i set off to go to my seminar, and i'm walking along listening to a voice note i recorded over and over and over. one to be sent to my friends so that i don't have to type it. one that said it will take a while until i look like "myself" again, and i know this makes no sense to them and i'm glad it doesn't, but that they need to stop calling me robyn. a voice note, because it's easier to say my deadname than to see it written down. i don't know, it feels more official in letters. like maybe if i hear it enough it will blend in with every other sound. and i'm listening to this over and over in the hopes that i can build up the courage to send it.
and i step onto the bridge towards class, not looking where i'm going and i walk straightttt into someone and i'm all apologetic and i'm crying from the voice note and i'm a wreck but i walked into someone else who was typing on their phone
and there's a lil trans sticker on the back of it. and i've never seen this person before ever but they adjusted my tote bag on my shoulder because i was still apologising profusely and i said "i'm sorry" and they said "me too"
and i know we were talking about the crash. i know it's not what they meant because that's not what we were talking about but. idk. it's dumb and there's probably something poetic about us stepping onto the bridge at the same time and managing to bump right into each other but all i know is that they had a trans flag sticker on their phone and they smiled and they said "me too" and,,, idk. rambling.
but sometimes it really is just one more day. that's all you need sometimes. and sometimes you have to tell yourself that everyday, and that's okay. because other times you'll literally and physically bump into another trans person and they'll say "me too" for something entirely unrelated, but it makes you feel a little less alone regardless.
anyway, i'm saved in their phone as Robyn now and i think that's pretty cool actually, we're getting lunch together soon
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okaysonny · 3 days ago
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Pls can you write James Lee dating headcanons and Diego Kanga dating headcanons. Like they are same person but their personality and mannerism are completely different.
Also your write is very good it sticks to character perfectly and feels great to see a fellow Indian❤️
dating headcanons ╏ james lee + diego kang
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a/n: yasss india mentioned 🇮🇳 james/dg...very difficult to grasp...he is kind of annoying ❤️ so these are very much HEADcanons. enjoy!
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JAMES LEE
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✦ highschool romance troupe obviouslyyy
✦ imagine this scenario: james always sees you studying in school...when everyone has left already. at first he doesn't care, but you're just always in there and he eventually asks what you're doing.
✦ as if you'd admit to james lee the prodigy that you're struggling with school 🤣 you have one sided beef with this man.
✦ surprise, surprise...you end up talking and an acquaintanceship forms.
✦ your relationship with james...it's not really a relationship. more of a situationship, tbh. just an unspoken pining that eventually develops.
✦ james is really angsty in terms of romance, imo. the only time you see each other is when you're there after school and he's come back from another rampage.
✦ i think he'd eventually tutor you, much to your annoyance. but the next day, you show james that you did well on the exam!! he'd play the nonchalant gimmick, but there's something warm settling in his chest.
✦ drops lollipops in your bag when you're not looking 😆 awww
✦ like i said...he's angsty as hell. imagine asking james what he wants to do after school, and he has an ANGSTY look because he'll be committing WAR CRIMES
✦ you bring up boring office jobs, but you figure james lee the prodigy would have a more exciting career anyways. but...he finds himself imagining a normal life, having a boring office job...maybe with you.
✦ for obvious reasons, he can't. james doesn't even entertain the thought.
✦ corny "he only feels this way around you" troupe 🤣😭 one day you decide to ruffle his hair and james suddenly feels like a normal high school kid.
✦ ANGSTY RELATIONSHIP -> ANGSTY ENDING. weather it be you not showing up anymore (after finding out he mutilates people!!) , orrr him not showing up, because he has a path laid out for him.
✦ it's tragic, because there was no intimacy at all!! no hand holding, no kissing, nothing! yet the late hours in the classroom all built up to something. for all his perfection, i'm not sure if james would realise what he's feeling.
✦ when he sees corporate employees laughing together after becoming diego kang, he still wonders what a boring office job would be like. with you.
DIEGO KANG
way more fun and light hearted, i promise!
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✦ dg would absolutely nottt date a fan. if you know him, but don't really care about him, he'll be a bit more open to the idea. buttt, i think you'd have to somehow not know who he is to really pique dg's interest.
✦ don't get me wrong, it's not a "...i've never met someone who doesn't know diego kang 😳" type of thinking. he just doesn't want power imbalances in a relationship.
✦ with dg, very much opposites attract. i think he's drawn to bubbly and funny people.
✦ two words: 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏 🫦
✦ makes you aware the relationship has to be secret and all that shebang.
✦ i feel like dg's music only appeals to a...certain demographic (teenage girls) and he KNOWS that too. so if you give his tunes a listen and tell him: wow...this is shit, he'll find it oddly endearing. dg is surrounded by yes men, so he likes the honesty that his shitty songs are shitty.
✦ you already know the gifts + pampering would be out of this world 😮‍💨 it would be rude to not spoil you, considering the secrecy of your relationship + his constant absence.
✦ like i said before, for all his perfection, he doesn't really understand that sometimes you don't need an aplogy necklace for dg being away, you're just happy to see him again.
✦ late night motorcycle rides when he's feeling a little 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒔. alexa, play cool for the summer
✦ you make fun of him when he does cringe things for the fans lmfao...that was the first time diego kang felt humiliated.
✦ another CRACK in his perfect persona: i think dg can't make funny jokes. even when he was james lee he couldn't, but the cocky persona masked it. now that he's more calm + stoic, it's very apparent.
remember when dg acted like he was gonna use the USB as a bargaining chip against eugene, but then said: "i'm kidding 😜"
🤣😭 THIS WEIRDO! idk if it was a silent warning, but it's my headcanon that it wasn't - he just genuinely thought it was funny.
✦ imagine that troupe of you know...it wouldn't kill you to crack a joke every once in a while. and dg is surprised because he thinks he's a hoot. so he says a shit joke and you actually laugh because of how bad it is. but...dg thinks you're laughing because it was funny, and feels a sense of pride.
✦ he's defo the type to laugh at a crude comment from you and then quickly cough to act like it wasn't HILARIOUS.
✦ now that he's retired, i think dg would go public with your relationship. he's trying to break out of that kpop idol image + show that he's serious about you.
✦ anddd i think he'd tell you about james lee and gapryong once he's absolutely sure you won't leave him. (i don't mean that in a creepy way lmao)
✦ despite my disdain for this FREAK i'd feel very safe with him as my bf ☺️ always arranges a body guard to accompany you if he's not there. but the most comforting thing is his hugs. i think dg gives the best hugs...and he doesn't even realise :')
✦ with you, diego feels free, yet bound in the best way possible.
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divider: @thecutestgrotto
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verchante · 11 hours ago
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Ishq hai - LN4
cw: fluff, desi!reader as always, based on an debate i literally had one of my frnd. veer-zaara, om shanti om, and devdaas are goated idc
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lando adjust the camera as he waited for people to enter the stream. "chat you need to fix something," his tone solemn. "don't start before me," a voice yelled from the hallway before his girlfriend came into the view. she handed him his cup of chai before sipping on her coffee.
"chat remember whose fans you are," lando says. "that's cheating!" his girlfriend exclaimed. "babe how is it cheating when some bhen ka lauda said 'we're yn's fans lando'," he read one of the comments. "bhabhi hai teri," lando says to the camera as if directly threatening the person who left the comment.
lando norris who is that? i'm js here for yn 😍😍😍
actually she's my fav engineer
lando move i can't see yn
"alright guys, what do you think is the goated srk movie and why is it mohabbatein," he says. "you know mohabbatein jimmy shergill reminds me of neil perry from dead poets society," his girlfriend chimes in. "but the goated ones are om shanti om, veer-zaara, and devdass," she added.
lando scrunches up his face at the movies she listen, already having been traumatized by devdaas. "mohabbatein literally serves everything. devdaas and om shanti om are just plain trauma," he argued. "nah, uh om shanti om, devdaas, and veer-zaara are just goated," she repeated.
kuch kuch hota hai, laughing in the corner
"i literally don't believe ki there are people who like kuch kuch hota hai. that movie doesn't even make sense," she scoffed. "oh so om shanti om and veer-zaara makes sense?" lando sassed. "a guy who died reincarnation 30 years later and took revenge for his dead love?" he added.
"exactly! that's actually like so green flag thing," she replied. "and an iaf pilot left his job to go to pakistan to confront his situationship so that she can marry someone else. mind you that girl went to pakistan overnight," he rolls his eyes.
"okay i get it but it's not like the entire story is bullshit. i mean kuch kuch hota hai just doesn't even make sense. i have this theory ki rahul has a type. he's into feminine girls and jab anjali ko dekha in sarees he wrote a letter to his daughter signed by tina."
"vaise bhi hai toh tharkulla red flag. uss bhen ke laude ko dono chaiye. matlab peak bakchodi. and i genuinely can't understand that kisi ki favourite movie is kuch kuch hota hai," she added. "you cannot talk about logic in movies when your favourites are om shanti om," lando argued. "please my favorites are much better than mohabbatein," she rolls her eyes at him.
"please apna kalesh aapne pass keep karein," lando scoffs at her, referencing to her kaleshi aurat teeshirt. she gasped, "i'm returning you to cisca, you caught on my sass," she punched his shoulder. "dil se movie bhul gaye kya," she read one of the comments.
"wait that's the one with chaiyya chaiyya na? meine dekha nahi hai. behenchod i even forgot the hook step of chaiyya chaiyya," she mumbled. "it's literally this," lando moved his chair away from her, demonstrating the hook step while being seated.
"behenchod a white man knows the hook step to chaiyya chaiyya and i don't," she stopped herself. "actually mujhe hindi bol na chaiye varna mera aadhar card le lenge," she chuckled. "even my name is khan is a good movie too," she reads in the comments.
"anyway songs," lando says moving chair to it's original place. "look i don't care what you say ishq hai is goated. what? g o a t e d, fucking goated brother," he claimed. his girlfriend next to his gasped. "this is so embarrassing. meine isse itne acche gaane sunaye and he likes ishq hai!" she complained.
"baby no, ishq hai is literally so good!" lando says. "it's fucking overrated. like yeah it's a good song but it cannot be goated when sajda, o rangrez, yeh tune kya kiya, bheegi si bhaagi si, chaand sifarish exists!" she exclaimed.
"you know what let me pull up my playlist," she said, opening up her spotify. "also it's mainly love songs wali playlist which i listen to almost daily. like the ealry 2000s and abhi wale. toh mujhe koi bakchodi nahi chaiye ki arey kun faya kun kyu nahi hai," she warned. "actually most of the songs in my playlist are goated." lando makes a face at her words.
"see apna bana le, not so goated. arijit singh have better romantic songs than this so not goated," she said. "agreed," lando chimes in. "zaalima, not sure you guys decide," she said. "i mean it's good but not goated good," lando justifies.
"ajab bi, mast magan, tujh mein rab dikhta hai, fucking goated." "no! tujh mein rab dikhta is not goated," lando argues. "like the other one is goated but not the rab song!" he added. "loud and wrong," she shook her head. "rangisaari," she announced. "not goated," they said in unison.
"raatan lambyian, fucking goated," she proclaimed. "you know yeah. it's you need it injected into your veins kinda songs," lando says. "heer ranjha, ishq wala love, not goated."
"okay the goated ones now." "main agar kahoon, kalank title track even luteron ka lootera version, khuda jaane, chaand sifarish, tere naina, o rangrez, teher ja, haule haule, rang jo lagyo, bheegi si bhaagi si, ye tune kya kiya, and sajda," she listed.
"these all are goated," she proclaimed. lando chimed in regularly with hmms and nahs. "i still believe ishq hai is above all," he states. "fuck off!" she rolled her eyes. "just accept that ishq hai is better," he says. "sajda is literally THE goated song," she insisted.
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rosemariad · 1 day ago
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1 Day in Purgatory:
Hey Cas.
Kind of a dick move to ditch me like that, you son of a bitch.
But seriously, thanks for protecting me. You coulda stayed, though. I ain’t as weak as all that. I’ve fought off a few freaks already.
How’s it going for you? Must’ve killed dozens of them by now, huh?
I never cared much for this praying thing. A little too one-sided for my taste.
I missed it when we could talk on the phone. That way, I could actually hear you back.
So, uh…night, I guess.
1 Week in Purgatory:
Heya Cas —Time flies when you’re running for your life, right? It seems that way to me.
It feels like it's been a week, but in some ways, it feels like it's been longer than that.
How many have you killed? I’ve killed about a dozen or so. I feel like John McClane. Or I guess Rambo, just need the headband and machine gun.
Oh, right. You wouldn’t get who I’m talking about. I need to get you to start watching movies.
So, are you alright? I hope you are. That you’re safe.
Don’t worry, Cas. I’m gonna find you. I promise.
1 Month in Purgatory:
Cas, it’s me. See, this whole praying thing—one of the reasons I don’t care for it is its one-sidedness. I never know if you’re listening to me or just tuning me out and ignoring me. Kind of hurtful, just saying. Given how many times I've prayed to you, I feel like I’m owed a response at some point.
Ever since meeting you, I’ve never prayed more. I guess it’s cuz I learned long ago that you don’t just wait for someone to save you—that’s how you die. Usually, you gotta take your life into your own hands and fight for it with all you got. That's how I learned to survive.
Anyway, I met this vampire. His name is Benny. He’s the first thing in this hellhole that hasn’t automatically tried to eat me. Apparently, he knows a way outta here. We’ll see if that isn’t total bullshit. He’s with me right now. I know, I know. Trusting a vamp? What am I thinking? But it’s better than being alone, stuck with only my thoughts worrying over you.
I hope you’re okay. Please be okay.
I’m gonna find you, Cas. I ain’t leaving here without you.
6 Months in Purgatory:
I've lost count of how many days I've been stuck here. But I ain't leaving you, Cas. Why do you keep running away, huh? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were avoiding me. The lack of response ain't helping. Sucks that this is a one-way line.
As gnarly as this place is, though, it's simpler than Earth. Black and white. Haven't been able to see things like that in a while. It's pure in a way. I fight monsters. Don't have much time to think or do much else. Rest and fight, that's it. Fighting’s what I'm best at anyway.
I miss Earth. I miss Sam. Drinking, fooling around and driving. Sam better be looking after my Baby.
But this place is pure, that’s for sure.
Don't have to worry about nothing else but fighting off monsters. It's been a long time since my life has been so simple. No offense Cas, but meeting you made my life so complicated.
Where are you, man?
You know, when I settle down somewhere quiet, I get restless, but there ain't no room for that here. I hate it here, but I don't. I hate it cuz these hungry sons of bitches don't let up.
I hate it cuz you keep running from me, and I can never catch you.
But I like the woods, the quiet. It's unnerving and peaceful at the same time. Well, it would be if not for all the monsters. Maybe I should get a cabin of my own someday…
You know, if I ever catch up to you, we'll make quite a team. These mooks won't stand a chance: you, me and Benny.
9 Months in Purgatory:
You probably know how long we've been here in Purgatory land, right, Cas? You've always been smart like that. You'd have to be, as old as you are.
How old are you, anyhow? As old as the dinosaurs? Were they real? I never bothered to ask. I should’ve asked you. I should’ve asked you so many things...
Remember when you took me out to see the stars? How d’you know I'd like that shit, huh? And that beer? I've been on the lookout for it ever since you turned me onto it. Apparently, they only sell it in Oregon.
Why'd you do that for me, Cas? Were you feeling guilty about Crowley, then? Or did you just wanna do something nice for me? No one ever does that shit for me…not like that.
Why did you say that shit to the other angels? The crap about not being able to live in a world where I'm gone?
You know I'm only human, right? Someday, I'm gonna die. Never pay it much mind. I know I don't got long though. Hunters never do. My dad bit it at 52. Bobby died at 62. I'm lucky if I last that long. Given the shit I've gotten mixed up in the last couple of years, I'm lucky if I make it past forty.
I'm only still around cuz of you, Cas. Look at how we met. You found me in Hell. I was twenty-nine then. If you hadn't gotten me outta there, I might have stayed there forever. Dead at 29. Ain't that sad?
So why did you say it, Cas?
What am I to you?
Aren't we just friends?
I don't know. I guess you could say what we got is unique. It's hard enough for me to make friends as it is, but the way we met was…fucked up.
I don't let people see me, Cas. That ain't a luxury I got. I can't be weak – ever. But you met me at my worst. That's part of the reason you fucked me up the way you did when you walked into that barn. You were this otherworldly being I coulda sworn was made up, and you knew all this shit about me. You didn't say so, but I knew, like, instinctively.
Shit, I've been praying for a while now, huh…
You must be so ticked off. Well, that's what you get for ditching me in the first place.
Good night, Cas. I'm gonna find you.
Soon.
For anyone who was curious about the prayers Dean might’ve made to Cas during their time in Purgatory, my imagination got away from me 😅
Source: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61591894/chapters/157467775
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gooobraghhh · 2 days ago
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hello. chill if nah but do you want to share some advice for teasing/flirting w people? I know this guy, trans, loses it every time I call him "good boy" or "handsome" but I'm running out of tricks!! But he's so fun to teaseeee I don't wanna run out
I mean it depends on the person but if he’s into that kind of thing I can tell you other stuff he might enjoy, leaning more praise because of the examples you gave me. Pretty boy, an actual pet name like puppy, doggy, pet, or something, or like a overly cute nickname based on his name are some options to incorporate. Something id suggest is kind of dropping something teasing on him very suddenly in conversation. Innocently asking him to do something and then being like “aww what a good boy, you’re so good at doing what you’re told” is an easy example/ way to set it up. It’s just super cute to watch them get all surprised and clearly turned on.
Another thing I enjoy for teasing is like a demeaning compliment. Situation dependent but something like “it’s a good thing you’re so handsome/ cute because you’re not the brightest, puppy” after he like doesn’t understand a thing or makes a little mistake. Maybe if you helped him with something random you could say like “what would a pet like you do if I wasn’t here to take care of you”. These are just examples in the nature of what you’re going for, you’re gonna need think of little comments based on what’s happening in your conversation and cater them to what the guy likes. Also think about whats gender affirming when you’re choosing what to compliment and insult. For trans men I usually like to insult their intelligence since being like a dumb blockhead is just kind of a guy thing and usually won’t actually hurt any feelings, I’d lift them up in like appearance (handsome, cute, pretty etc), usefulness/obedience, (good job, good boy, what a good listener,you take it so well etc), or any other trait you know that specific person would enjoy being complimented on.
I’d also suggest possessiveness if everyone’s comfortable. My puppy, My pet, My pretty boy. Be a good boy for me, touch yourself for me, cum for me ( obviosuly more risqué but just add for me to most commands). I find most people enjoy the security and feeling of being wanted that comes with possessive talk and it just makes the praise all the more addictive.
Another thing is if hes responding very positively start making him directly participate. Who’s good boy?, you’re really so desperate for me huh? Tell me how bad you want it?. Just prompt him to respond. Either he does it and it’s adorable and embarrassing or he sputters out because answering is too embarrassing for him and you get to watch him get all flustered. Works well for some degration to, “you’re really such a slut huh?” Or something similar so that he either agrees or pathetically tries to deny it while still actively getting turned on which you can make fun of him for. It’s kind of little conversational trap.
Also keep in mind tone for all of this, I think that kind of condescending, patronizing, overly sweet tone is my go to. It’s kind of like everything he is doing is so cute but in a way thats actively demeaning to him. You don’t have to do that though. A Genuine sounding sweet voice can be very fun if you incorporate a bit more degration. Like someone sounding 100% sincerely nice while they’re calling you degrading names and making fun of you is super hot. Just find what works for the both of you. If it’s flirting over text then there’s only so much you can do but writing out the occasional condescending “awww” or telling him how irl you’re giggling at him can kind of bridge that gap. But like say those things honestly, don’t make up how you’re reacting just share it with him if it’ll add to the dirty talk.
Anyway hope this all helps, break that guys mind for me <3
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the-blossica-fan · 14 days ago
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Busy today, woah, what even is living
Either way, I was playing 2.2 and to be honest, it's not as bad as I expected. I must have lowered my standards after everyone else had their fair share of insulting it, but to me, it felt like home. I'm not Brazilian however, so that's not what I'm going to talk about.
I want to ramble a little bit about an Nala Hari, Anjo Nala, or better known as Ms. Kimberly. I'm not good at talking about representation or anything, but I kinda wanna talk about 2.0-2.1-2.2
Anjo Nala's character is a difficult one to catch. Back in 2.0, we viewed her as irredeemably evil, a demon that stood in the way of our loved characters, killed a fellow friend and almost killed a fan favorite. Back then, she was pure evil to us.
In 2.1, we view her as weak. She lives trembling, talking about eating, food and hunger, she looks weaker and doesn't possess even the slightest of threat to us, like a completely different character. This naturally surprises us, but then, she turns, and we view her again as evil.
In 2.2, she is redeemed, but we don't really know how or why. She simply tags along, saved Vertin's life and we even learn more about her as we go. Now, that's a thing to talk about after I finish her story. What I mean to say is:
She's been in three patches, is her build up properly made?
Not really.
In 2.0, she's an antagonist. For my taste, a boring one as well. We didn't know much of her back then, but the fact that we didn't fight the building threat but a new one didn't sit me right. I thought her appearance was sudden, but I could push past that.
In 2.1, I was glad to see her again, but without being such a boring antagonist and a more compelling, interesting character. I loved her appearance here, playing with that soft face of hers, the way she spoke and how genuine words and falsity could be hardly discerned in her words. To me, this paper suited her much more, I knew she wasn't that evil anyway.
My problem with her lies on her introduction trailer. Anjo Nala's trailer, Code Name: Kimberly.
For those who haven't played 2.0 and 2.1, the shocking reveal that Anjo Nala is Ms Kimberly is nothing. They didn't have that confusion or mixed feelings from her appearance at the beginning, they just see Anjo, they never met Kimberly.
Her introduction trailer is a mess too. If you didn't know who she was before, then her trailer is slightly confused. Are you supposed to know her? If you saw the 2.1 trailer, you certainly know her, but you don't know her introduction, and her character relies heavily on 2.0 and 2.1 to be endearing.
Without knowing 2.0, how would you know why she appeared? Without knowing 2.1, how would you know why Vertin and Anjo know each other?
2.0 may not be that important, but 2.1 is. Only if we played through that event we know why we're in Sao Paulo. We met Barbara on Tuesday's Motel, she told us about Urd's last connection in Sao Paulo, and we went to Sao Paulo. From 1.9 back in the island to 2.2 in Sao Paulo, there is a missing piece in between filled by 2.1, but 2.1 is an event that isn't obligatory to play.
Those who didn't play it have a big gap between the two.
My problem isn't really with the representation, I'm not Brazilian and it stuck close to my own home so I don't have many problems with it. My problem also doesn't rely on the messy story, I can eat that. My problem relies on the fact that it's not a smooth sailing like chapter 5.
We know from chapter 4 to chapter 5 why we went to the island. We need to find Urd, and we need to know about the mysterious island written in a report, and our first encounter is a flashback on how we got to the island. That connects the dots.
In chapter 8, however, we just appear. There is no introductory scene on why we're here, nor a ride to Sao Paulo, nor are we saying goodbye to Barbara. Nothing. We appear in Sao Paulo and that's it.
And I may be a little picky, this problem doesn't affect me, I'm no new player, but it bothers me a little. There is nothing connecting chapter 7 to chapter 8, just event 2.1, you can't make an event be the knot connecting two entirely different stories if it's not going to be permanent.
I love love LOVE the idea of the main story directly affecting the events like 2.0, but I don't like the idea of events directly affecting the main story. They should be separated unless there is a way to connect them, or else, you create gaps in the main story.
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hinamie · 5 months ago
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"I'll show you every day that choosing to live was worth it"
some of my favourite scenes from @hijinks-n-lowjinks' fic things i would miss from the other side . this fic tore my heart out fr but like in a good way and i wanted to pay it homage the only way i know how <3
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euclydya · 3 months ago
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the fun thing about psychosis + plurality is that folie a deux is real and it's not just a fall out boy album
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moonchild-in-blue · 1 year ago
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Wishing you godspeed, glory
There will be mountains you won't move
Still, I'll always be there for you
How I do
I let go of my claim on you, it's a free world
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whatisthisnonsense · 9 months ago
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"mutants are poc analogy" "mutants are queer analogy" Listen, X-Men and as such mutants as a whole should really be disability representation, and I mean representation and not analougous to it they just occassionally also get to blast ice while having furniture not built for them, struggles with keeping their mind in the present, and constantly having people casually discuss sterilizing or euthanizing them and being considered either dangerous or simply incapable of understanding when they get mad about this. But nobody is ready for this conversation.
#Marvel#X-Men#But no as someone who is queer and also has untreated disabilities#Plays at saying being antimutant is metaphorically homophobic mostly just pisses me off#And I'm sure people of color aren't thrilled when Mutants As Analogous To Racism comes up since most of the big names are white#And more often than not this is usually used for Marvel to avoid actually talking about the real issues#Nevermind rarely combine in an interesting way when you do get a gay mutant or a poc mutant or a gay poc mutant#However any time they run into the world simply not being built to accomodate their physical or mental needs and get sneers for asking#You can immediately see me doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point#“but what about Homo Superior” nobody in the 616 knows how genes work because the writers don't#And as a scientist if I have to see X-Gene pop up one more time I'm going to transmogrify into Galactus and eat the planet#One of the biggest experts on Mutant biology is from the Victorian era why are we listening to him#Anyway where are the DIY accomodation features for people with tails or touch telepaths#Rogue basically had to be bubblewrapped most of her life once her powers kicked in#Scott has literal braindamage on top of his powers so he's either blind or colorblind if he doesn't want eyebeam everything#Magneto and Polaris's mental instability probably is related to their electromagnetics fucking with their brains#And Also They Both Have Hella PTSD#Hank has had to make shit that's big enough for him or just run around in boxers#Kurt literally had to use holograms to hide his physical appearance and sometimes still does or has to wear concealing clothes#Logan has chronic pain and rips his skin open any time he pops his claws#Big Fuckoff Migraines plague all psychics#And we have ALL of the Morlocks EVER#Isn't Hellion using his powers to make up for having no hands??#Or at least was before they walked it back like they did the Professor needing a wheelchair#I just think there is an argument to be had here about this
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sherlock-is-ace · 10 months ago
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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
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authenticaussie · 2 months ago
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Wow I don't think I have EVER so blatantly had someone who only wanted/wants to chat to me Just so that they have someone patient to vent to.
Welp!!!!! Gonna make it easier to set boundaries in the future now that I'm thinking this through tbh!!!
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douubles · 2 months ago
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context for what "maybe" means in the tags
#personal#when I say maybe. I mean the strongest maybe in the world#I am probably thinking about this more than I need to but I am so so scared#context incoming#so I work at a pizza place. and most nights it's just me and my boss so I answer a lot a lot of phone calls#and listen I think I have very good customer service and a good phone voice. I have very clear pronunciation and am good at talking#anyways I took an order for someone who's ordered maybe once or twice and she said her husband was coming to pick it up. she was super nice#and she had a weird request that I helped her with and she seemed thankful for that. anyways#her husband comes to pick it up and I ring him up at the front counter and he asks if I was the one on the phone. I say yes that was me#and for even further context I often get people who come in and ask oh was that you on the phone you were so nice you were so kind etc#but this guy goes listen. my wife and I own a dental practice. and if you're ever looking for a job you would be a great candidate#and I was like OMG thank you that's so kind I appreciate that and he goes no no I'm serious. I interview a lot of people. look us up#then he tipped me $5. then as he took his pizza he told me once again to look them up.#is that a legitimate job offer? or is that just a hypotheticical. I don't want to call and seem like an idiot#but also I've been looking for a way out of food service lately and this would be a great one. a Monday through Friday 9:00 to 5:00 job#I just don't want to call and seem dumb or desperate I don't know but also if I don't call I will never know and I'll think about it forever
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silverselfshippingchaos · 2 months ago
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it's way too early in the morning for me to be down in the dumps about myself LMAAOO
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ilovecoffeeandchemistry · 4 months ago
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ooooh i woke up in a bad mood and it's so hard not to be a bitch about it
#i don't want to ruin the mood for my family so i'm just laying in my bed and think about everything that pisses me off#and i'm getting more and more mad about it#come to think of it it's kinda funny but also really frustrating#i probably just need to cry because i've been extremely tired and stressed for the past week#but i don't want to make myself sad on purpose so now i'm really angry over literally nothing lol#for example today i saw my colleague and turns out she knows my father#and she was like 'oh your dad really misses you!! he mentions you all the time!!' and i was like '....really?.....'#because i thought he didn't care at all (and the feeling is kinda mutual)#because call me crazy if you want but if i miss someone i just go talk to them.... problem solved........#we barely talk but apparently he's yapping abt me all the time to everyone so everyone thinks that he's oh such a loving and caring dad#which makes me look like a bitch of a daughter#which is like#on one hand i couldn't care less#but on the other#why would you talk about missing me to other people and bever bother to try and talk to me yourself??#though i probably dodged a bullet#talking to him is extremely hard because he's incredibly stuffy? boring? english doesn't have enough words for that#and i don't wanna listen to him talking about himself for 2 hours straight without having a chance to interrupt him 🤩🤩🤩#ooof#idk how to stop being mad i probably need to distract myself somehow#anyway there is probably a ton of mistakes here but i'm too lazy to fix them#idk i wish i could scream so loud that every bad thought in my head would disappear forever#i'm so tiredddddd
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neverendingford · 11 months ago
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#every time a character does the whole “talk softly and reassure the dangerous person” thing while also walking ominously towards them ughh#it drives me absolutely nuts. like. you're trying to talk them down from paranoia while you're threateningly walking towards them?#someone does that to me and I'm shooting them at least in the leg or stabbing with whatever makeshift spear I've manufactured#anyway. criminal minds is getting real annoying with the whole pathologizing of people.#like. guy shows signs of being very good at torturing people and they go “ah yes.. a pure sadist” or whatever the fuck#I get that it's shitty crime drama stuff but still. ugh.#I just. I fucking hate when people take the obviously wrong route when talking to mentally destabilized people.#like. people are shit at talking to suicidal people. are shit at talking down irrational fears. people are shit at talking down paranoia.#I hate how people don't fucking know how to interact with freaks I hate how people don't know how to interact with me#everyone acts on their own level without understanding what it's like in any way#and so everyone just projects their own reality onto you without performing any sort of empathy or exercising any sort of understanding#and I want to scream so fucking loud#you're all living in a cotton candy world and your words disintegrate in my humidity#and it's so fucking lonely#and my mind has been clear this past week. the autistic need for pressure satisfied by this prescription pushing on my brain#and I can feel the cogs turning. the wheels and pins and linked gear trains and drive shafts and traction band motors.#all the parts of my brain churning around and I can't get close because the heat from my motor makes my hood hot to the touch.#I burn your hand as you try and press your palm against my flanks.#only think saddle and tack make contact. strict guidelines and harsh rules to govern me.#when I am free I buck and I shift gait and I drag you under too-low branches#also. compared to Hannibal I can basically listen to criminal minds as a podcast. none of the visuals really contribute anything to the show#like. feels very shallow
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