#anyway as you can tell i’m making a playlist in which I yearn (again)

[robylovi]

Idk what this type of yearning is called but it brings out something in me

[asapeveryday]

We Have Now

Pairing: Nika Mühl x Reader

Warnings: lil bit of angst, suggestive content

Summary: The season is over, the seniors have graduated and the summer has begun. The future holds a lot of uncertainty, but your feelings for Nika have never been uncertain. Is it too late for you?

A/n: I just can’t resist summer themed fics. Also I’m ngl this is NOTT my best work so I’m sorry for that… enjoy anyways.

“Holy shit!”

Through the window of your bedroom you can see the sunset has turned outside an entrancing mix of tropical colours. Pink, purple, orange and yellow mix in the clouds and paint the world around you for a moment, and you know you need to see it up close.

You rush down the stairs and past the living room, where the rest of the team is sleeping on the couch with a movie on in the background.

It had been a long day for everyone, the team had planned to spend a couple days of July at an airbnb in Rhode Island back in February, and the plan thankfully took off.

The day had been filled with a long car ride, various TikToks, loud music, unpacking, swimming and barbecuing. Everyone was exhausted.

When you rush out to the deck you’re encapsulated by the scenery. Sunsets were beautiful, but even better by the beach. The white sand and deep ocean water against the rich setting sky was something out of a book.

After taking about a hundred photos and videos, you put your phone away and just stood in astonishment.

Playing basketball with these girls at Uconn was one of the biggest blessings you’d ever received in your life, and you were going to miss them so much. You often found yourself swimming in old memories at night, memories of locker room conversations, late night drives, shared playlists, loud Friday night parties, shared looks, useless yearning and post game tears.

You’d already gone through your sad feelings at graduation though, and the draft had brought some more light to the situation. You had no regrets whatsoever about your college career, except for maybe one thing. And that thing was on the beach right now.

Nika was laying on the sand, just far enough from the ocean to avoid getting hit by the high tide. She didn’t say anything when you laid down beside her, the both of you just stared at the darkening sky as the sound of waves filled the silence.

“Remember how different things were when we first met?” You finally say after some time.

Nika quietly laughs. “How could I forget?”

You roll your eyes playfully. “Gosh, I thought you were so weird.”

“You were weirder.” She grumbles.

“You just thought all Americans were weird.”

“Because you guys are! I never saw so many overly confident basketball players who were so bad till’ I came here.”

The two of you laugh together for a moment, then it’s quiet again.

Your hand is excruciatingly close to hers, but neither of you move closer.

“Everything’s so different now.” Nika mumbles, almost to herself.

You turn your head to face her. Nika’s side profile is strong, prominent nose, perfect lips, sharp eyebrows and expressive eyes. Her cheeks are pink from being out in the sun. You have the urge to make them pinker, but you shake the thought away.

“Yeah. Everything is different…but that’s a good thing”

Nika nods solemnly, but you can tell she’s thinking hard.

“Niks, don’t worry too much okay? Things work out if they’re meant to.”

She brings a hand to her face, covering her eyes and muffling her voice, which slightly wavers when she says. “What if I don’t make it?”

With this you give in and take her hand, squeezing it tight for a moment.

“Baby they’re lucky to have you. One day with you and they’ll know you’re needed on that team. Everyone else knows it for sure.”

“Says who?” Her eyebrows furrow. “I can’t just assume this’ll work out. What if it doesn’t? What the fuck do I do then? All my work will have been for nothing.”

“If Seattle doesn’t see you as an asset to their team, then I assure you there’ll be another team just waiting for you. Everyone here knows how valuable you are as a player, and the internet wouldn’t let anyone forget.”

She isn’t very convinced, but she turns her head to meet your gaze. Her eyes remind you of a puppies eyes. “Thank you.” She says, sincere and slightly embarrassed. Her hand is still in yours and your noses are almost touching. You wonder if she’d ever talk to you again if you kissed her.

At the thought of that, your stomach sinks. You sit up suddenly, hand breaking from hers. You don’t see how her face drops when you do it.

“I-“ you start, but hesitate. You didn’t want to regret anything like this again. You wanted her to know every thought in your head, even if it had a chance of going sour. “I’m really gonna miss you Nika. More than anyone else, I think.” You finally manage to get out.

She sits up now too, her brown hair blowing in the salty wind, her almost hazel eyes glinting from the reflection of the water, or perhaps something else, something like hope.

“More than anyone else?” She questions you.

“Yeah.” You say, turning to meet her stare. “I’ve always liked you more than the others.”

“Hm.” She says, as if she was expecting more.

The silence is eating at you, you just want to scream out how badly you want her. You know it’s too late, when this trip is over everyone splits. You to your hometown, Aaliyah to Washington, Nika to Seattle, Paige and the others to Connecticut. Still, you didn’t want to live with this in you forever.

“I had a massive crush on you during freshman year.” You utter as confidently as possible.

Nika’s lips part in surprise “You- you did?”

“Yeah. Major.” You scoff. Those days were almost pathetic in hindsight, obvious to everyone but Nika and yourself.

You watch as Nika draws swirls in the sand with her finger. You can practically hear the gears turning in her head.

“And…when did this crush fade away?” She finally asks you.

You let a beat pass before sucking it up and saying. “It didn’t.”

Nika’s eyes really widen now. You hold her gaze as best as you can. “I never stopped liking you. It just got stronger overtime, actually.”

You almost recoil when she scowls at you.

“Fuck you.”

“What?”

“Fuck!” She rubs her face, exasperated. “You- urgh, I wish you told me. I wish you told me way, way earlier.”

You don’t say anything.

“I wish I knew. Don’t you get it?” She whines, almost pleadingly. “God, if you’d told me way earlier we could’ve…maybe we would’ve..” she trails off.

Finding out that Nika Mühl, your best friend and longest love, also loved you should’ve been the best moment of your life. Instead it had you thinking of everything that could’ve been.

“I was scared.” You mutter. “I was so, so scared, I don’t know why. I wish I’d just told you, but you know me. I never take chances. I pass the ball, I don’t make the shot. I just…I wouldn’t have been able to take it if you didn’t feel the same. So I never did anything.”

She’s close to you now, hand on your knee, face flushed.

“What are we gonna do?”

You stare at her face, eyes darting from her eyes, then lips, the her eyes again.

Her eyes are beautiful. Honey brown, golden in the sun but piercing now at dusk, eyelashes long and fluttering as she tries to make sense of this situation.

You’ve wanted her more than you’ve wanted that ring at the end of the National Tournament every single year. The thought of you wasting time that could’ve been spent pressed next to her, skin to skin and soul to soul? It was sickening to you.

Still, here she was. Eyes begging you for something you’ve dreamed of. The sky now staining the beach a violent pink.

When your mouth meets hers it’s everything you’ve fantasized about. Her lips are full and soft, fitting perfectly against your own. You can feel her lashes tickle your face as you tilt your head just right, her arms get goosebumps when you fiddle with her hair.

Pulling away from her, you can’t help but melt at the satisfied smile on her face.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Nika says. “I just wish it could’ve happened earlier.”

“I’m tired of wishing.” You say, putting a hand on her face gently. “We can’t change anything now. It’s over. But we have today.”

She drinks in the feeling of being this close to you. “We have now.” Nika whispers.

Your kisses are sweet and chaste at first, but it’s getting colder out and you need her warmth. She changes the pace, clashing into you with a sense of urgency now. When her mouth slightly opens and you feel her tongue against yours you know it’s over for you. She can have whatever she wants.

Nika finds herself straddling you now, and you’re suddenly hyper aware of everything that’s happening.

After four years of thinking of her before bed, before letting your hands take care of yourself night after night to the thought of her, here she was in all her glory. Body toned and breathing hard, hair sprawled against her tan skin, fingers untying her bikini top.

She leans into you, but instead of kissing you she puts her mouth to your ear. You can feel her smirk against your skin.

“How much of the past four years do you wanna bet I can make up for in one night?

[defectivevillain]

this winding labyrinth, chapter 13

chapter thirteen: confrontation

pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Reader (reader's race & gender are ambiguous; no physical descriptors or pronouns are used)

summary:

You wish you never met Hannibal Lecter. But you yearn for his presence. You want to forget him. But he never truly leaves your thoughts. Now, you’re left to pick up the pieces of a broken design. A battle of instinct rages on in your mind—one of bittersweet relief and cloying grief, fearless resolve and poignant regret; a clashing between affection and antipathy, pride and pain. What will win, in the end? Only time will tell.

this is chapter 13, act 2 of this broken design. if you haven't read act 1 or chapters 1-12, this won't make too much sense.

ao3 version | Spotify playlist

author's notes: this is a bit of a shorter chapter (more dialogue heavy) but i still think you’ll enjoy 😏

A few notes before that, though. First, we’re nearing the end! Woop woop! I plan to write a few more chapters (2+) and two endings. Second, on that note, a friendly reminder that this story will not have nsfw. I think I put that in the notes of this fic over on AO3, but not over here... Oops.

Anyways, on to our regularly scheduled programming! Typical warnings apply.

It’s a miracle you survived the Red Dragon. At least, that’s what everyone’s saying. There are nearly countless theories going around the FBI now, ranging from you simply being lucky to the killer second-guessing himself. As time passes, the rumors only grow more ludicrous—and you’re almost happy when you can finally return to work and dispel them once and for all. You return to holding occasional guest lectures in recruit classrooms (in the advent of your frequent fieldwork, you had fallen away from regular instruction). Things slowly return back to normal, to your relief. 

Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t take Jack Crawford long to find you upon your return. The two of you had kept somewhat regular communication throughout your hospitalization, with Jack calling you from Quantico. It’s nice to see him in-person again. He looks composed and professional as always, wearing his typical suit and a focused expression on his face as he stands in the doorway of your office. “Agent,” he nods, moving to take a seat across from you. “It’s good to see you.”

“Thanks.” You say, a tired smile rising on your lips. “It’s good to be back.”

Jack nods in acknowledgement, before continuing to speak. The two of you have never been much for pleasantries, so it’s no surprise that he is eager to move things along. “Now, on to business…” He trails off. Then an interesting, uncharacteristic expression falls onto his face. It’s hesitation, you realize. 

“What is it?” You hear yourself ask. Jack rarely ever hesitates. Apprehension is not in his vocabulary. 

He takes a slow breath. “Since your hospitalization, Hannibal has reportedly been acting a bit… difficult.” Jack says carefully. There’s something he’s not telling you. He’s not giving you all the details. But why? Jack and you have always been honest with one another, even when (especially when) it concerns your work. It’s strange, and a bit unsettling, to see your boss being so cautious with his words.

“Difficult?” You question, after a tense silence descends across your office. You cross one leg over the other and tap your fingers against the arm of your chair, feeling restless all of a sudden. 

A pause. “He has been asking for you,” Jack then confesses. Something lurches in your stomach. “I refused to pass along information, which supposedly distressed him.” That doesn’t seem right. Hannibal isn’t distressed by anything—least of all your momentary absence.  

Your thoughts must show on your face, because Jack nods. “You know I’m not fond of this arrangement with Lecter,” he sighs. Yet he continues. “But it may benefit us.” His ambiguity isn’t giving you any confidence. 

“What are you suggesting?” You ask. You fear you already know the answer. 

“I’m suggesting we visit him,” Jack answers, confirming your suspicions. “Wear something that conceals those bruises on your neck. It may do us well for him to see you in good health.” He advises, a brief flicker of frustration passing across his face as he glances at the marks the killer left behind. You self-consciously grab at your collar, despite knowing it’s a futile effort. 

“We should tell him about the interaction between you and the Dragon,” Jack muses. “Lecter values knowledge above little else. It is quite likely that he has been unsettled by your unexplained absence.”

You mull over that statement for longer than you should. “Hannibal doesn’t get unsettled.” You then frown. 

“Perhaps not in front of you.” Jack says, an echo of a wry smile on his lips. There’s that feeling again—the sense that he knows something you do not. “But I’ve been told his behavior was rather ‘uncharacteristic.’”

“I will be accompanying you, of course,” Jack continues, after you can’t seem to find the words to say. “The doctors would not be happy with me, if I were to let you strain your voice too much. All I ask is that you remain at my side. I can handle the talking.” You blink at him in surprise, before a strange sense of gratitude washes over him. He’s not sending you by yourself. You will not have to face him alone. 

There’s a question that’s been lingering on your tongue for minutes now. Jack looks at you expectantly, waiting for you to voice your concerns. “Do you think he knows anything else?” You ask halfheartedly. You suspect Hannibal may grow uncooperative soon, if he hasn’t already. Besides, there’s a limit to his knowledge—what with his confinement. 

“Hannibal may very well be reaching the end of his utility,” Jack admits. You nod, trying to fight off the stewing feeling in your chest that’s been accumulating since the beginning of the conversation. “We will have to see.” He leaves you with that ominous remark, promising to return soon upon securing visiting hours. 

The drive to Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane is far quicker than you’d like it to be. 90 minutes pass in what feels like a blink of an eye. And of course, the sight of the building is enough to bring back all the negative thoughts you’ve been suppressing. In light of Frederick Chilton’s death, the building has fallen under new administration. The security detail has grown a bit lax, which you pretend not to notice to save yourself stress. Even the building itself looks a bit… grimier than normal. Jack and you don’t end up meeting the person who took on Chilton’s role, instead being swiped in at the security desk and then taken through the halls immediately. 

Jack leads the way and you follow after him like a shadow. You’d like to think that you can go relatively unnoticed, but the thought is exceedingly unrealistic. You can only hope Hannibal has miraculously lost interest. Upon entering the space, you find the killer in question sitting at his writing desk, reading a book. Jack closes the door after you enter, impatiently staring at the man until he decides to break the silence. “Hannibal.” 

Hannibal blinks and looks up, seeming surprised. “Ah, Jack,” he says. “I must admit, I wasn’t expecting you. It’s been some time.” He places his book down and gets to his feet, standing across from Jack. 

“I suppose it has been,” Jack responds amicably. In a less stressful situation, you’d be amused at how unenthusiastic he sounds. But you can’t quite get yourself to forget your anxiety. It’s not just your imagination: the air is incredibly tense, almost charged. 

It is only inevitable that Hannibal’s gaze drifts to you. You’ve shoved your hands in your pockets, a false notion of security beneath these blinding fluorescent lights. You’re not sure how long you stand there, a mere subject to Hannibal’s fervent attention, before he finally speaks. “It is nice to see you.” Hannibal is looking at you when he speaks. You get the inexplicable urge to smoke again, despite quitting months ago. It must be the uneasiness brewing in your chest. 

“You too.” You can’t summon more than a tired quirk to the edge of your lips and a brief nod. 

He regards you for a moment, a thin but knowing smile on his face. “You are unusually quiet today.” How he’s able to conclude that based on one sentence is beyond you.

“Apologies.” You murmur. The sentiment feels slimy and wrong on your lips. Your voice is audibly raspy and you can virtually see Hannibal digesting that information, puzzling it out in his mind. He needs more. 

You helplessly glance at Jack, who sighs. “Yes, well,” Jack breaks off, seemingly struggling to find the right words. “There was an unforeseen complication.”

“Oh?” Despite his attentive response, Hannibal’s eyes still haven’t left your face. From there, Jack recounts your conversation to him. Hannibal nods along during the appropriate moments, but it almost seems as if he isn’t paying attention. He’s practically tearing you apart with his eyes—his gaze extremely scrutinizing. You just barely manage to keep still, instead of fidgeting restlessly. “We decided it would be worthwhile to see the painting in-person—to meet with someone and discern its significance.” Jack finishes. 

“The Brooklyn Museum,” Hannibal recalls. Jack nods, not appearing surprised that Hannibal knew where the painting was being kept. Then his gaze slides to you. “What delayed your return?”

“We encountered some unexpected opposition,” Jack answers.  It’s vague, but it answers the question nonetheless. 

“We?” Hannibal hums lightly. “Forgive the discourtesy, but you seem unscathed, Jack.”

A tick in Jack’s jaw is the only visible sign of his irritation. Hannibal should know that Jack’s position requires him to be at headquarters virtually every day. It is exceedingly rare for him to leave the office, since he supervises the entire Behavioral Analysis Unit in addition to many other recruits. You struggle to fight off a frown at Hannibal’s unusually acerbic remark. He almost seems angry. The source of that anger is exceedingly unclear. 

You’re ready to diffuse the tension by giving him an explanation, until you find Jack firmly shaking his head at you. You frown. Wasn’t that the entire point of this excursion—to taunt Hannibal with the information you gained and see if he revealed anything else in its wake? Why is Jack changing his mind now? 

Hannibal does look rather impatient and irritated. This may be the first time you’ve seen his emotions written so plainly across his face. He’s staring at you hard enough to melt your skin off. 

“If you wish to waste time, I can make an educated guess,” Hannibal offers. His eyes are dark, his smile is overwhelmingly fake, and there’s a noticeable venom to his voice. Jack stiffens at your side, before taking a slow breath. It’s clear he’s accepted the futility of the situation. You can’t waltz into a lions’ den with fresh prey, only to deny them the meal. 

“Very well,” Jack says. He turns to look at you; you’re not sure what your expression is, but it must betray some of your confusion, because Jack’s lips only fall into a tighter line. Is there something he’s not telling you, here? “We—or, more accurately, my agent here—came across the killer.”

Hannibal is silent. He’s waiting for more detail. Jack won’t give it to him. You stifle a sigh. “He consumed the painting, like you said he would.” You add. 

“Ah,” Hannibal says. He doesn’t seem particularly surprised, nor does he seem satisfied by your answer. “I’m afraid that doesn’t explain your silence, dear.” The pet name is an unwelcome jolt in your chest, even when used sarcastically. Jack’s expression darkens as he glares at Hannibal. Hannibal doesn’t care to notice. It’s as if the two of you are the only ones in the room. 

“And I can’t help but notice you’ve fastened the top button of your shirt today.” Hannibal continues. It’s a casual comment, nothing more than a harmless observation. Or, at least, it would be—if you weren’t hiding your wounds from the Red Dragon. “That is a rather uncharacteristic choice for you. I’m curious as to why you would make that decision.” 

You want to keep quiet, knowing anything you say will betray you. But Hannibal’s gaze is insistent and expectant. There’s an ugly feeling rolling through your body. Every fiber of your being is telling you to run, to escape this trap he’s sprung. 

“Agent-” Jack warns you, suddenly breaking his static posture and turning to look at you. There’s a wary expression on his face and it’s clear he doesn’t want you to reveal anything more. But it’s too late. As if possessed by a foreign urge, your hand has already met the edge of your collar. You’re forced to watch as you pull the material down from your neck, wincing as the effort drags the fabric along your still-healing wound. If Hannibal’s attention was intense before, it’s utterly ravenous now. You’re not sure why you’re so compelled to tell him the truth. All you know is the rapid drumming of your heart in your chest, pushing you to take action. 

You’re sure the achingly bright fluorescent lighting does nothing to aid the yellow-brown bruises scattered across your throat. Hannibal’s eyes trace the marks with clinical scrutiny; your heart steadily pounds in your chest as he resumes his silent investigation. For a while, there is only quiet as he examines you. The glass wall between you is rendered obsolete. You can feel the weight of his gaze over the dull headache you’ve been sporting; in the goosebumps along your skin; and across your shoulders. 

When Hannibal finally tears his eyes away, you’re fooled into thinking his inspection is over. But somehow, he seems to know you hid the bite mark from him. “There is more,” he states with deceptive composure. There is nothing composed about the look in his eyes or the tension firmly pulling his shoulders. Hannibal is standing closer now, steadily approaching and rendering the barrier between you entirely inconsequential. “At the edge of your neck.”

Jack seems to feel just as overwhelmed and helpless as you do. Because although he looks at you and fiercely shakes his head, there’s a perplexed fear glimmering in his eyes. Both of you are unsure about this course of action—and about Hannibal’s uncharacteristic mood swing. 

“Show me.” Hannibal demands. There is no politeness in his voice. There is no pretense written across his face. This is not a request—this is a demand, an order. 

You obey and tug the material over with a shaking hand, revealing the base of your neck and the edge of your shoulder. His eyes leave no stone unturned, as he follows the teeth marks scattered across your collarbone and crawling up your shoulder. Otherwise, Hannibal doesn’t verbally react: he is frighteningly silent. You can’t even hear him breathe. He never displays his emotions—you know that. And yet, there is no sign of his characteristic restraint now. There is only violence in the lines of his clenched fists; anger in the firm pull of his lips; tension in the furrow of his brows; and something far darker glittering in his eyes. 

You lock eyes with Hannibal Lecter and, for the first time in several months, you remember to be afraid of him. His sudden presence at the very edge of the glass is all you need to take a cautious step backwards and enforce the distance between the two of you. And he latches onto that fear with frightening speed. It almost feels as if the walls around you are caving in; in the blink of an eye, you can see Hannibal swiftly stepping out of his transparent prison and reaching out towards you-

Jack’s hand on your shoulder brings you back to reality. You just vaguely hear him say something to Hannibal, before whispering to you as he leads you out of the space. He’s speaking, but you haven’t the faintest idea what he’s saying.  You don’t have the energy or wherewithal to resist, instead remaining pliant in his grip as he ushers you through the hall. You expect Hannibal’s voice to travel across the hall, but he remains silent. And your heart begins to calm, with the distance you gain on him. 

A stiff breeze greets you upon exiting the building. Jack takes you to the car, and the two of you drive back to headquarters in complete silence. It isn’t until you arrive at the headquarters parking lot under the cover of night that Jack sighs, before rounding the car and coming to a stop near you. You can hardly understand what’s happening, forced to watch in confusion as he brings a hand to rest on your uninjured shoulder. There’s a quiet fury in his eyes—not unlike Hannibal’s rage. You feel slightly sickened and ashamed that you’re the cause of this emotion, that your weakness is provoking such a reaction from those around you. 

Jack seems about ready to pull you into a reassuring hug, but he stops himself. You’re both brutally aware of your roles as employer and employee, mentor and mentee. Jack looks torn, his eyes searching your face as if waiting for you to give him a clue as to how you’re feeling. His right hand falls to his pocket, a restless tell that you almost never see from him.

“This won’t happen again.” The stormy expression on his face suggests that Jack will ensure it. Maybe the sincerity in his eyes should alarm you… but you only feel grateful. You nod jerkily, pushing your tears back and swallowing past the burning feeling in your throat. It’s the best the two of you can do. Neither of you can promise a happy ending, but you can strive to do better in the future. 

Then Jack nods and the moment is mercifully terminated. He glances up at the flickering streetlight across the lot and seems to come to a decision. “I’ll take you home.” He says. You try to object, but your protests fall on unwilling ears. You soon find yourself in Jack’s car once more, relegated to that tense silence once more. You’ll leave him with a word of gratitude as you exit the car, before heading up to your front door as your fingers restlessly trace the outline of your key. You’ll spend the rest of the night subconsciously tracing the marks along your throat, remembering how they provoked such a visceral reaction in Hannibal. It will be hard to sleep that night, as you toss and turn under the covers with an unfounded conviction that you’re being stifled and subdued. 

Meanwhile, Jack will remain parked in your driveway until he’s certain you’ve gotten inside safely. Then he’ll wait until he’s down the street to clench the steering wheel in a tight-knuckled grip that betrays his frustration.

thanks for reading! <3

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[helliontherapscallion]

Warmth (Adrenaline Junkie Part 6)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: Self harm scars, mentions of panic attacks and hallucinations

Word count: 2,842

(A/N): This takes place about 6 months after the last chapter. Also, I was heavily inspired by Toothless’ prosthetic, I’m really excited to write more about it : )

You hummed to yourself as you walked down the cobblestone street of the village. The village was probably one of your favorite places to visit; it had quaint little shops and stalls decorating the main plaza that you adored, it was always interesting to see what’s being sold today. Though you always wore your cloak to cover your wings (well, wing and a now-feathered nub) whenever you visited to avoid the stares, you still regularly visited the main plaza for the shops. 

The first time you visited after the incident was about a month ago with Wilbur, you two were looking for something to cook for dinner. You were trying to get used to having your wings out again, so you were wearing the jacket with the slits in the back that you always used to wear. 

The feeling of people staring holes into you was a feeling you forgot about. You always got stares whenever you went into the village because of your wings, but now it felt like more and more people were staring at you as you passed them, probably because of your nub. Though some looked at you in pity, most looked at you with disgust.

You could hear children asking their mothers what happened to you. Their mothers would take one look at you and shield their children away from you staring at you with disgust. You even made one kid cry when he saw your wing; you didn’t blame him, you still couldn’t look at your nub without tearing up. An hour hasn’t even passed before you were asked by a police officer to leave because you were causing a disruption and being indecent in public.

Wilbur was pissed. “They’re fully clothed and they didn’t even talk to anybody, so how exactly were they being disruptive or indecent?”

The officer firmly held her ground, looking up to Wilbur’s tall form. “Sir, the people are complaining and it’s my job to make the public feel safe and comfortable. Look,” she sighed, “I really don’t want to have to ask them to leave, they’re not doing anything to directly threaten people. However, they are causing a disturbance with their,” she wrinkled her nose, “their thing, so I’m going to have to ask them to leave.”

“You have absolutely no right to tell them to leave. They-”

“Wilbur, it’s fine. I’ll leave,” turning back to the officer, you calmly stated “I’m sorry for causing a disturbance ma’am. It won’t happen again.”

She curtly nodded and stood watching you, probably making sure that you left the main plaza. Before you could turn to leave, Wilbur stopped you.

“(Y/n)-”

“No, Wilbur. It’s alright, I can wait outside the village for you.”

He sighed, looking through his leather satchel. “No, you won’t have to wait for me. We’ve got enough food for dinner anyways,” shooting one last heated glare at the police officer, he reached down to grab your hand. “Let’s go.”

He drug you quickly through the village with you having a little trouble keeping up with his long strides. Once you were out of the village, he slowed his pace and walked with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“(Y/n), I’m sor-”

“Don’t be Wil. It isn’t your fault. I honestly was expecting to get kicked out earlier.”

“Still, it’s not fair to you. You didn’t ask for this.” 

“I know Wil, I’ll just wear my cloak next time I visit.”

He didn’t say anything to you after that. The rest of the walk home was shrouded in an awkward silence. 

Another part of the village you loved was the library. It had tall shelves filled to the brim with all sorts of books and various cushioned furniture littered randomly amongst the maze of shelves. Whoever would walk into the library would immediately be hit by the strong scent of parchment and wood as soon as they would walk through the twin doors. You would usually browse books about redstone, but you had a different agenda today.

Today, you were looking for a book about leather working. You wanted to make a leather prosthetic wing so you could at least glide through the air. You weren’t sure if it would work though. From what you’ve read, nobody’s attempted to make a prosthetic wing. It made sense, being a hybrid was rare in and of itself, let alone a winged hybrid. 

You missed flying more than anything. You would give anything to be able to be in the air again. You felt jittery and restless without flight. Sure, Philza took you on some flights with him every now and then, but it wasn’t the same. You yearned for the independence and liberation it gave you to fly alone.

After you found a book and checked it out with the librarian, you hastily set out for home. You were walking with a giddy smile on your face and a bounce in your step. Several people gave you strange looks as you passed them, but you were in too good of a mood to care. You finally figured out a way you could possibly fly again. 

When you got home, you headed straight to your workshop to get to work on your prosthetic. Several blueprints were hung up around your desk, some for your TNT launcher (which you finished a few weeks ago) and others contained ideas for an automatic farm. Your pride and joy was hung up in the center of your bulletin board. It made you extremely happy just by looking at the prosthetic sketch.

Your redstone lamp illuminated the space in front of you as you focused on cutting a large strip of leather in front of you with great concentration. You needed to get the measurements exactly right, equal sized wings are integral for stability midair. The prosthetic was going to be about the same size as your left wing with thin iron rods giving the wing structure. You planned on making it identical to a bat’s wing with a few minor changes in shape to match your other wing. Once it actually was structurally sound and working, you would add proper joints so you could wear it around and decorate it. Until then, you’re making adjustments.

When you were done, you moved on to crafting and melding together the iron rods. Putting on your goggles and thick leather gloves, you used a bit of lava your family kept stored in another room in the basement to fuse the thin iron rods together. You carefully dipped one end of two rods into the bucket before pulling it out at a certain time to hold the molten ends together until they cooled. You repeated this process until you were melding the last piece on.

“HEY BITCH, DINNER’S READY. GET IT WHILE IT’S HOT!”

Yelping, you dropped the mold onto your desk. You picked it up in a panic without paying attention to where your arms went. Unknowingly, your sleeved arm was pressing up against the scorching iron of the bucket of lava.

“FUCK YOU YA FILTHY GREMLIN, A LITTLE WARNING WOULD’VE BEEN NICE!”

He started cackling. “FUCK YOU TOO! NOW GET UP HERE BEFORE I EAT YOUR DINNER.”

“YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT. I SWEAR TO- FUCK!”

You felt the nerves on the side of your forearm screaming as you yanked it away, leaving the crisp remains of a part of your sleeve stuck to the iron bucket. Two pairs of footsteps boomed down the steps and got louder as they rapidly approached you. 

Wilbur’s deep voice worriedly called out to you. “Shit, (y/n) are you alright? Let me see.”

Before you could protest, he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled the sleeve of your jacket down. Adjoining the light burn, small horizontal scars and some fresh cuts lined your forearms. Shit, they were never supposed to find out.

Wilbur’s hand froze, gripping your wrist with an iron grip. You hissed at the feeling of some of your cuts reopening, causing him to quickly retract his hand. He now had his hands hovering over your arm unsure of what to do with them.

“(Y/n), wha-” Tommy cut himself off once he saw the panicked look on his older brother’s face. Following his gaze, his wide eyes met with your cuts.

You sighed, prying the goggles off from your face and pulling the gloves off from your hands. You put on a calm exterior, contrary to what you felt on the inside. They were never supposed to know. “Listen, you guys weren’t supposed to find out about this. None of you were. Please don’t tell Dad or Technoblade, I don’t need more people knowing.”

Tommy spoke up with an incredulous look. “(Y/n), what do you mean? We can’t just not tell them.”

“I know. Please, do it for me? Everything’s finally going back to normal and this will just make everything worse again. I promise I’ll stop, I swear.”

The two brothers looked at each other silently contemplating what they should do. On one hand, you were their sibling and you were hurting yourself. They needed to tell their dad that you were cutting. You only had two lives left and you could kill yourself doing that. Philza and Techno could help. On the other hand, they wanted you to feel normal in your own home. You were right in the fact that everything was starting to feel like it did before the incident. Plus, they would gladly help you through it.

They looked back at you with apprehensive expressions, speaking at the same time. 

“(Y/n), we’re not gonna tell Dad or Techno.”

“We’re telling them.”

Tommy whipped his head up to look at his brother angrily. “Wilbur, we need to tell them.”

“Tommy, no-”

“Are you fucking stupid? Of course we have to-”

“Tommy. We don’t because I’ll be taking every sharp object away from them tonight. We’ll watch them and check their wrists to make sure that there’s no new cuts and they stay clean. We’ll help them.”

“But- they,” Tommy gave a frustrated sigh. “Fine. But we at least have to tell Techno about this. He can help us.”

Wilbur glanced at you with apologetic eyes. Before he could speak up, you interrupted him. “...Alright, as long as Dad doesn’t find out. He has enough to stress out about and he doesn’t need to worry about me again. Now, can we go upstairs for dinner? We’ve been down here for long enough already and Dad’s probably wondering why. Tell him that I’m gonna go clean up.”

Without giving them any room to argue, you speeded up the stairs and into your room. Closing the door and leaning your back on it, you let your calm facade drop into a panicked one. Shit, what if Tommy tells Dad? What were you supposed to do then? He’ll take away what little freedom you had left and you’ll be sinking into the depths of your depression again. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock and Philza’s voice. You held your breath as you prepared yourself for him to tell you that he knows your secret. “Hey hun, Wilbur and Tommy told me that you burned yourself,” you let out a relieved sigh. “Do you need me to look at it?”

Panic once again flared in your bloodstream. “N-no Dad, it’s just a little burn. I’ll be down in just a second I’m changing.”

“You sure? I can get you a potion.”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“...Alright,” he sounded skeptical. “Just hurry up, dinner’s getting cold.”

The sound of his retreating footsteps sounded like music to your ears. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths before you moved to put on a long sleeved shirt. 

Dinner was uncharacteristically quiet without Tommy, you, or Wilbur talking. Philza tried to carry the conversation with you four, but only Technoblade gave full responses. You, Tommy, and Wilbur only supplied a few words to a conversation when prompted. 

Technoblade was suspicious. Sure, you and Wilbur were quiet sometimes, but Tommy? Tommy’s always loud and rambunctious. Something’s wrong, but what? What could’ve happened when Tommy and Wilbur went to go get you for dinner? They weren’t gone for long. He did hear you screaming profanities at Tommy for scaring you and overheard Tommy telling Philza about how you burned yourself, but how is that something that would shut you three up? He was going to confront his siblings after he finished tonight’s dishes. 

Meanwhile, you, Tommy, and Wilbur were in your room. You were giving them your iron dagger.

“Is this all?”

“Yeah, Tommy. That’s all, search my room if you don’t believe me. I wouldn’t mind, I don’t have anything to hide from you anymore.”

They did just that. Looking under your bed, in your drawers, in your closet, and in the chest you kept for your supplies. You watched them propped up on your bed. While you were angry with yourself that you were so careless, you felt warm that they cared about you. They were great brothers.

After they were done turning your room upside down, Wilbur plopped down next to you and Tommy threw himself over your legs. You three laid there for a while just enjoying each other’s presence. It was nice to spend some time with your brothers, you didn’t get much free time to spend with them because you spent most of your time in your workshop.

The silence was broken by Tommy. “...So, how do you wanna go about telling Technoblade?”

“I’m… not exactly sure. Do we even have to tell him?”

Wilbur pursed his lips. “Even if you didn’t want to, I’m pretty sure he knows something’s up. He’s good at picking up on social cues.”

“Well if that’s the case, I might just wait until he comes to me. It’ll be easier.”

Your door swung open to reveal your piglin hybrid brother. He looked at you with a single eyebrow raised as his ear flicked. “What were you planning on telling me?”

Tommy and Wilbur looked at you expectantly. You shifted your body closer to the wall making room on your bed for him. He walked over and stiffly sat on the edge of your mattress. He gestured for you to talk to him. You slowly slid your sleeve down and showed him your arm. Besides his eyebrows slightly crinkling, he was as stoic as ever when he reached out to grab your wrist for a better look.

On the inside, the voices were almost as loud as when you died. They were nearly incoherent as several angry voices mixed together yelling at him for not noticing anything was wrong with you, the kid he vowed to protect when you first stole his crown and replaced it with a homemade paper one. Outside of the voices, he was furious at himself, he was supposed to protect you. He ran his fingers along the raised lines, gently tracing over every scar and scabbed over cut as if memorizing where every single one lays.

His monotone voice was gruff. “How long? Why?”

“About eight months now. I-I didn’t feel anything for a while after I respawned and I realized that pain helped me feel. It helped ground me when I hallucinated or had panic attacks.”

“...Do you feel anything now?”

“Yeah, I’m getting better Tech. I’m hallucinating less and I’m getting better at managing anxiety attacks. At this point, it's just a habit that I can’t drop.” 

“Do you want to drop it?”

You fell silent. You never really considered stopping before. Before, you would do it to give yourself something to focus on when you were overwhelmed, but now you would do it out of habit. It somehow felt wrong when you skipped a session and it usually threw your entire day off. You would feel drained for the entire day if you didn’t do it. It was one of the only consistent things in your life.

“(Y/n), c’mon you don’t want to keep doing this, right?” Tommy asked before Wilbur reached over and slapped him upside his head. 

“I think,” you breathed out, unsure of yourself, “I want to get better.”

Techno looked at his brothers. “Did you two take their blades?”

Tommy held up the iron dagger and wove it around haphazardly in the air. Techno reached over and pocketed the dagger before discarding his golden crown and placing it on your nightstand. He took off his weighted fluffy cloak and neatly draped it over a nearby chest. He maneuvered his body so that he was laying on your other side and wrapped a lazy arm over your chest. 

With Wilbur on your right side with your wing draped over him, Tommy laying on your stomach with Wilbur reaching down to hold him, and Techno pulling you close to his body, you were pleasantly warm. You were slowly drifting off, being lulled to sleep by Techno’s slow heartbeat. You blissfully fell asleep surrounded by your brothers’ love.

Inspo for the cuddle pile (credit goes to og artist, zillychu): https://zillychu.home.blog/tag/heart-squad-cuddle-pile/

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @ravennightingaleandavatempus  @dirtydiavolo  @yeiras-world  @immadatmostthings  @hee-hee-haw  @jackalopedoodles  @m1lkmandan  @vanhakirja  @im-a-depressed-gay  @coolleviauchihadreamerlove  @questioning-sanity  @camisascam

@bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @kakamiissad  @jayistrash  @lifestylesleep  @speedymaximoff  @sun-shark-tooth  @appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @starchildnatalya  @kinismanditory  @dragons-lurk-here  @rinzyx05  @the-wandering-pan-ace  @sparkling-gayyyy  @angelic-scent  @shinipii  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @izzydimensional  @used-avocado

[sprinklesandshatters]

A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS 

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day?  Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you  standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and   eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

[the-brohood-of-hotties]

Forget me not

Fandom: Katekyo Hitman REBORN! Pairing: Hibari x Reader   Wordcount:  2,210

Summary: Hibari is a weird man, famous for his rather aggressive aura. After he moves into your neighborhood, an oasis inside a big neon town, Hibari Kyouya brings with him the weirdest situations into your life, as he makes a startling entrance with an accident with his "co-worker", Yamamoto Takeshi.

This is an entry for #khrevents April Angst 2021/ Day 8/ Yearning, Longing/ Reincarnation AU/ "I don't want to forget you."

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30658199

The glass door from your coffee shop and gardening club swings open, you don’t really care to see who’s there because it’s almost the end of your shift and you’re really entertained with social media, though you did greet the person entering. “ Good evening. Welcome to the Daily Lily.”

“Good evening, I’m afraid we’ll have to check out your storage.”

“Are you the police?”

“...No.”  The voice seemed hesitant, you notice.

“Then I can’t help with that, we have a promotion on cheesecake today though.”  You smile and finally look up, afraid it might be a man trying to mess up with you. Well, it was two men, in fact. You’ve heard the rumors around the neighborhood, that Hibari Kyouya was a man with a weird aura that just moved in alone with some exotic pets, while he seemed delicate and handsome, he just had this introverted, aggressive aura and you’d never expect him to show up in your small business as the companion of another guy. Tall, tan skin, dark hair, buff, a scar on his chin in contrast with a bright gentle smile. He seemed to carry a baseball bat in his back, which made the combination of sports and their suits really off, they both seem to be either Japanese or Korean.

While Hibari, the  grumpy one, seemed to not be so happy about being with the other guy. Like a puppy and an old cat. "We don’t wanna bother you, but-..." The baseball guy was cut off by a loud noise coming from the back of the store. Normally you would be worried that your co-worker got hurt or something, but today? You’ve been alone for the second half of your shift. It’s not supposed to be noisy there, you’re frozen in the spot.

Hibari immediately bursts into the staff-only area of your shop, and before you can protest, the other guy gently grabs your shoulder. “Everything will be fine, we’ll take care of this situation. I just need you to hide in the restroom.’’

“Excuse me?!” No time for excuses, you heard someone grunting and the loud noises start getting too repetitive. Your phone was given in your hands and you basically got pushed into the room by the taller guy. “Sorry, huuh I really need to go there… ” He said as the door slammed on your face. The restroom was cozy enough, you had it decorated as you wanted, and you were firmly holding your phone in case you needed to call someone...But then, who would you be calling? The police would probably make things worse, especially because they seemed to be armed, or worse, maybe these guys are the police in disguise. You fidget your fingers along the cold black surface as a way to calm down a little, it seemed pointless. The noise was too loud to just put on earbuds and ignore them, but you realize: And if this is all a scheme? Rushing to peek at the door, as your eyes meet the pastel walls of the store, you realize it seems like no one’s here at all. Until you hear the cranky storage door opening, and as soon as you see the Baseball guy again, you close the door. Don’t want him thinking you’ve been spying on whatever happened in the storage, with your heart racing, you hear a gentle knock on the wooden door, accompanied by his voice. “Everything is fine! You can come out. I’m sorry I didn’t say my name before, I’m Yamamoto Takeshi and my company here is Hibari Kyouya.”

Decide to close the shop soon as you could for the day,  you come out of the restroom, greeted by the two men.

“I am not your partner, Yamamoto Takeshi.”  He mutters, Hibari looks completely clean, you could still mistake him with a businessman. While Takeshi seems to have bruised his hand a little. You offer him your first-aid kit which he accepts, then you close the curtains so there’s no curiosity about that’s going on inside. “So, what happened in my storage?”  You cross your arms, with a cotton stained with blood between your fingers, slightly annoyed by the whole situation. Making mental notes of what to tell your therapist later, then going back to cleaning the dry blood on Yamamoto's calloused hand.

“Two burglars, they were armed but easy to deal with.” Hibari finally says something directed to you, maybe it’s the first time he bothered to look in your eyes. Not that you’re annoyed by that, perhaps he’s just introverted. But at the same time, now that he looked at your face, it's like something inside him got frozen, awkward. It's such a weird feeling, especially since he doesn't really show it off, you just can tell. “Are you guys police officers?”  You change the subject, brushing it off your mind, Hibari looks away, you can’t tell if he’s offended by being compared to a cop or something else. “Not at all! We just know how to handle them. We’ll send you a check to compensate for the damage and the working time you spent in the restroom as well.” Yamamoto finished his bandage and happily hands you paper and pen. “Just write down your shop’s address and info and the check will arrive in 3 to 5 days.”

You couldn’t really believe in such kindness, or at least knowing how to deal with the consequences of their vigilante work but since they already know the shop you write it down anyway. “ Are you all putting me in some pyramid scheme? You two seem like stage actors.”  They do look like handsome actors, you think.

“We aren’t.” Hibari actually pulls out an unused bullet from his pocket to show  they’re not lying, effective but scary. He just turns away and keeps browsing the plants you got for sale, examining the quality of an English Ivy’s vine. “Don’t scare them, c’mon. Isn’t this shop your neighbor now?”  Yamamoto jokes around, Hibari sends him a deadly look and you decide you won’t touch the neighbor subject ever again.

“If you two excuse me, I have to close the shop and go home. It’s getting late and I don't plan to work more today.” You operate the register and turn off your computer for the day, swinging the keys in your index finger. Anxious to get home to your cat and a nice hot bath to relax. “Thank you again for your kindness, next time you visit the shop anything from the coffee and plants is on me. But don't do crazy stuff again.” You smile as everyone leaves the inside area with you. “By the way, who’s going to take these two burglars out? Did you guys called the police?”

“Kusakabe already took them, before you got out of the restroom.” Hibari says in a beat, interrupting Yamamoto before he could say something else. “Who’s that?”  You raise an eyebrow, the Baseball guy blurts out, dismissing any curiosity you might have. “He’s a friend of ours who’s actually a cop!” That’s weird, you didn’t even see a vehicle, and usually, when cops stopped around they were always noisy and had the blue and red lights on. Off-duty cops, detectives, spies, what are these people doing around? Your curiosity around these two can only grow. It’s not like your hometown has anything important in the first place. Anyway, you say your goodbyes and already invited them to come once more. Perhaps it will be good to have these two around, at least against burglars.

Hibari turns to Yamamoto as soon as you disappeared in a street corner, with earbuds on, bursting your playlist for a nice walk and everything “That’s why we shouldn’t operate with any civilians nearby, we might be compromised now.”.

“It wasn’t that bad, I think they got to sympathize with us, it’ll be just a weird day on their life.”  Takeshi stretches his arms, it’s quite complicated to deal with you and Hibari all at once. “But, still if we didn’t interfere these guys might take them hostage, steal the shop, or whatever their intentions were. We’re lucky you saw they had guns when passing by the street.”

“I am sure Kusakabe will find out their true intentions, but meanwhile we cannot afford to bring attention to us. No more.” Hibari walked down the street, ready to get to his new apartment. “And, Yamamoto.”

“What?”

“If you get back here in the shop, don’t do anything weak and stupid.” A threat, how much that suits him, it must be a serious matter, no wonder the Foundation decided to settle in that small town for a while. Once Hibari got home, greeted by Hibird’s singing, he lets out a long sigh. What happened today? Two Mafia men going out for a civilian’s small business as if it’s a serious matter for them. But especially, the Cloud Guardian feels like he just knows you from somewhere. Your voice and eyes seem oddly familiar, but if he was to put this feeling into words it’ would simply smell like bullshit. Herbivore bullshit. He takes a long shower, and gets to bed to read something before sleeping, but can’t concentrate on his book. It can’t be, he even loses sleep and feels exhausted, only falling asleep when his body couldn’t take it anymore.

He wakes up in a bad mood, feeds Hibird and Roll, and opens his fridge: nothing, just a bottle of water. Well, he has to remind Kusakabe to do his groceries, but for now, he’ll be ok with going to your shop for breakfast. He gets changed from his kimono to casual clothing, it’s 07:00 AM when he walks down the block and notices no one’s inside the shop beside you, as he opened the door a ring is heard, you turn your head to see who’s there, the shop seems clean and decorated with paper and fairy lights hanging on the wall, plus with the plants of all sorts, making the place lively, with soft lo-fi music in the background. “Hey, good morning Sir.” He murmurs a response and orders blueberry pancakes with a black coffee on the balcony. “Thanks for coming after yesterday, I came here earlier to clean but your partner Kusakabe was waiting at the door to help me out.”

“Good.”  As you manage the register, he notices you have cupcakes with colorful glaze and cutesy decor right beside you, and a poster that he can’t read from that distance. You see he’s staring at something and offers him one of the cupcakes. “Today I’m throwing a small event here, the shop will celebrate 2 years of business, come by if you want to.”

“I’m not letting you give me everything in the shop for free.”  He rejects and suits himself a table nearby the window. “I don’t like parties, or crowded places so I’ll stop by tomorrow.” This hurts your ego a little bit, but it would probably be embarrasing to have a stranger around, he’s quiet most of the time. You wonder if Yamamoto is more of a party person, then, your thoughts drift to the question: Is Yamamoto Takeshi single? He doesn’t have a wedding ring, and neither does Hibari. 

 You shake your head before you could turn red in front of him. “Well, I’ll save you a piece of cake my parents made then.”  You say, as you get  prepared to do everything for today’s menu ready.

“You don’t have to.”  Ouch. You decide to not offer him more things, but this behaviour makes you wonder if he has a jealous partner.

Usually you let everything sort-of-ready so you just need to heat them in the oven on the back of the balcony. Cooking is time-consuming, but at least it’s pretty lucrative. “I think I’ll take around 30 minutes since you’re an early bird. You can use a laptop to work or shop for flowers if you like stuff like gardening.”  You turn your head to talk to him, but to your surprise, he’s already looking at some pots and examining some other gardening products you have around, you didn't expect him to be this kind of person, gardening takes nurturing, care, and a lot of attention towards a living being who doesn't even communicate like animals. He does like gardening apparently, you expected him to pull off a MacBook and have an online meeting over his meal or something, maybe doing finances of whatever organization he's probably the leader at, at least that's what his expensive suit tells. When you get to serve his plate, the spare chair has a basket full of gardening materials, seeds for fruits and veggies, some pots, a small rake, and a trowel.

As the clients come in and you get busier, he didn’t want to be a burden, so he just sat there and tried to enjoy his breakfast, even though the place was a little more crowded than he would like to. But still, Hibari can manage that for a bit, and then he realizes how the situation just got weirder to him, how come he’s doing that for you? And why did you felt so familiar? Spending most of his life there, just occasionally traveling he never noticed a person that matched that specific scene in his head. Is this some Herbivore bullshit? Maybe. Hibari is still pondering over this subject but as long as no one from the Foundation or Vongola finds out, he just found out a place with good pancakes, open from Monday to Saturday, how convenient. The whole saved your business and life thing or the fact that you’re attractive is just a small detail.  When he’s done, Hibari gets up from his table and your co-worker comes to clean his spot. He takes his basket to the balcony for payment, but not before adding a purple flower to his shop list. When he gets to pass all the products, which usually the clients would take one or two plants, but he got around seven, letting the purple flower for last.

A small vase blooming with forget-me-nots, as you pass it on the register, you read the silly little tag you put in some pots as decoration, each has a quirky phrase or pun with the names, that one reads:

“Don’t forget about me”.

[yoichichi]

Big Brain Bitches Playlist ❣️

For the lovely @nataliahaslosthershit , thank you for always being so kind and being patient!!!

disclaimers: this is a fem!reader since it is a request, so if there’s any instances where those pronouns or the fact it’s a fem reader is alluded to that’s why!

warnings: Tsukishima, that’s the warning

gif not mine, credit to owner

a/n: thank you for being so patient sweetie!! I really hope you like this and I did my best with the playlist to include a little bit of everything you like!!!

Relationship Headcannons

As much as Tsukishima would lowkey HATE the way you always wanna make friends (not really he just likes being a shithead) he also just finds it so cute??? Like he’s like 🙄✋🏼 must you talk to everyone?? But is also like :) shes so friendly and tries so hard to be nice :) how did I find someone like her :) but he keeps that on the lowkey a bit and GOD LET ANYONE BE RUDE TO YOU WHEN HE SEES YOU AS AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL‼️‼️‼️

Tsukishima is also focused on his studies and would appreciate you being focused as well, he would hate to see you over stressed from the importance your parents put on it, and he’d always be doing/saying things to get you to relax as best as he could

“You’ve gone over this 5 times, do you really think you’re that stupid that you have to go over it again?”

“We should take a break, let’s go take a walk to the corner store and find some good snacks. Studying is always more effective if you take breaks like that anyway.”

It is, but he’s more concerned with removing those frown lines from your forehead and warming your hand up with his

Sidenote - definitely the type to blow on your hands while their held in his to warm them up

ANYWAYS

Regardless, it’d become a habit for you two to always do your studying together since he wants to be sure you’re not overworking yourself.

STUDY DATES‼️‼️

Idk I can just see him always bringing a second bottle of water with him just in case you need it ??LMAO like y’all would be studying and you’d be like

“I’m a little thirsty, I’m gonna get-“

“🤨”

boom bottle of water on the table for you

PLS he won’t give it to you until you mention you’re thirsty tho, unless he feels like he hasn’t seen you drink enough water

I don’t see him as a big talker while he studies with you unless you’re helping each other out, he just kind of likes your presence while you guys are studying cause it feels like bonding and he just likes spending time with you :)

A bit off topic of study dates but you can’t tell me his love language ISNT quality time and he would never admit it but he’s definitely clingy lowkey LMAO

like he just wants to spend his free time with you even if it’s just being in the same room together but doing different things?? He thinks being able to be your own person while still enjoying each other is important in a relationship

So of course he’ll sit in a room with you and eavesdrop read a book while you gossip with your friends over the phone and then listen to you rant about it after

just like how he appreciates when you ask about his day while you cook dinner together and ask him all kinds of follow up questions, cause you actually care and want to know!!

Ok but ANYWAY back to study dates:

So like I was saying, not a big talker, but I feel like complete silence would freak him out?? This mf always got his headphones so one of you has got to be playing music while you’re studying, but do you know what this means?

This means that a song has definitely come on that he likes and he totally was humming or even quietly singing along to himself, not really thinking about the fact you were there and can definitely hear him, and as soon as he realizes he would just look at you and shut up SO fast LMAO

Like he’d just get wide eyed and breath in and stop singing and just kind of look up at you AND HIS EARS WOULD BE SO RED (he’s an ear blusher for sure) and he’d do that WHITE BOY SMILE THING WHERE HE HAS DEAD EYES AND HIS MOUTHS A THIN LINE but he’d look so shy and embarrassed plssss and he’d just look back down to his textbook and try not to think about it

And you’d just giggle and he could only groan and be like “let’s move on 😐” BUT YOURE DEFINITELY NOT FORGETTING THAT

But study dates?? Yeah they’re important to you two

Tsukishima would also be constantly making sure you’re taking care of yourself outside of studying, like making sure you’re needs are taken care of since you have a tendency to over look them in the favor of others (which I feel like would really drive him crazy cause you’re his baby!!! He can’t stand that thought !!!)

Like if he saw you offer a friend your last snack knowing you hadn’t eaten enough today he’s slapping a snack in your possession so fast like 😐 eat this, now.

ITS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE IN THE CALMEST WAY but it’s just cause you’re important to him

The bullying??? Yes he’d love that cause he’s just like 😳‼️ you keep up with him and he’d just love the back and forth between you two so much

Queue the eye rolls and lopsided smirk while he’s grabbing your hand and kissing it telling you to shut up

Regarding your stims - he’d definitely take notice and probably do things like always holding your hand to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself too bad!

I know people have mentioned him not being that big on PDA but I feel like he’d take a neutral stance on it, like holding your hand is so innocent and if it helps you not pinch your wrists or picking at your nails of course he’s gonna do it!! It’s his way of showing you he notices and cares 🖤

Regarding your self confidence, he’d definitely still bully you cause cmon 🙄 this is your guys love language and he knows you know it’s harmless, and the last thing he’d want to do is make you feel like he’s coddling you and suffocating you by not being silly with you the way he normally would

HOWEVER

If anyone else clowns on you whew please it is over for them

Like let’s say you meet the boys and you and hinata are clowning on each other?? Tsuki is NOT playing games LMAO like he’d definitely be like

😐😐 hinata I KNOW you’re not talking and you’d have to remind him in private that it’s ok he doesn’t care he will bully hinata any chance he gets

Okok real talk Tsukishima would think it’s so fucking cool you know how to speak more than one language!!! Not the type to necessarily be like let me hear it 🤠 but if you do speak another language around him he’s always like 🙂 wow, that was pretty cool

Ok also?? Both of you being introverts?? Tsuki is happy to the MAX

Like he just gets to come home to you and detox in his little home and sit with you on the couch and talk about your days and watch whatever you’re feeling and it’s just so recharging for him and he’s so grateful you’re perfectly ok with that :)

And finally, tell me he wouldn’t bully you for your height but also find it so so adorable 🙄‼️

Ahhhh!! Ok here is the acclaimed playlist I made for you!! I hope you enjoy it❣️

Ok I did my best to include your variety of music tastes in here!! But if there’s anything you’d like me to change please feel free to let me know and I will!!

Ahhhh I hope you like it, enjoy my descriptions below!

1. The Most Beautiful Thing - Bruno Major: ok so yes we’re starting this off with a dash of Tsuki angst, as much as I know he’d deny it he yearns for love. Like the idea of someone being so important they get his attention and devotion and they love him the same is sooo comforting to him! And sometimes he would daydream about it like :) I wonder when I’m gonna meet them, I wonder how, I can’t wait - but the way he would he embarrassed if anyone knew this - and when he DOES meet you it is not what he expected LMAO

2. 80’s makeout session - dacelynn:  OK SO HE MEETS YOU and is just like 👁👄👁 and it’s everything he dreamed of, if he was feeling irrational he might’ve even believed it was love at first sight but there’s one problem, the way Tsuki is be lowkey mad he wants your attention LMAO. Like you would meet and he would just look into your eyes and he feels his heart stop; and you’re so nice when you’re introducing yourself to him and your voice is so sweet and he can’t stop thinking about the way your curly hair is framing your face and he just oop 🤒 he got the love bug bad AND HED BE SO MAD cause like, he tries to only do things for himself! And that’s exactly why love was a daydream cause UGH HOW PATHETIC IS HE. He never tries impress anyone else cause he’s his biggest critic anyway, but suddenly he wants to be noticed by you and impress you and the way that would just irk him, but he cant help it 🤷‍♂️ sorry bout it Tsuki

3. IFHY (feat. Pharrell) - Tyler, The Creator: more on Tsuki being mad he likes you LMAO - I think what would push him to get over himself and how it’s kind of scary for him how much he likes you would be imagining what could happen if he DOESNT grow up and just let you know. The thought of you with somebody else? Yeah he don’t like that one bit and that’s when he knows he better suck it up and accept he’s got it for you hard

4. Make Me Your Queen - Declan McKenna: OK CALLING TSUKI SIMPS OUT- you’d want him so bad but he’s so bad at showing his interest!! So on your end it’d be soooo much pining and patience and a little bit desperate like PLS I jus wanna be your s/o man 😕 but don’t worry he likes you just as much, he’s just awful at showing that at first LMAO

5. Kiss Like A Woman - Mona: ok but once Tsuki accepts he’s got it bad, I don’t see him as someone who wastes time at. All. Like he’s like ok well she’s fucking great obviously if I like her cause I have great taste so it’s only a matter of time before someone else tries to get her attention, so I gotta act fast. However, he’s clueless so he’d think he’s being obvious but he’s not. Like he starts his habit of bringing you snacks and water on your study dates before they’re actually dates and you have no idea he likes you. And he thinks he’s being smooth like, how could you not know he likes you? But it’d be the end of your study session and you’re about to leave and he’s been wondering why it seems like maybe you’re not interested? He can’t tell so he’d just be like, “do you like me, too? Or am I making you uncomfortable? I’ve been waiting for you to let me know how you feel but you really haven’t said anything, so.” AND YOUD JUST BE LOOKING AT HIM LIKE 😳🧍🏻‍♀️ and you’re blushing hard so he’s like ok obviously she likes me? And he would kind of tilt his head in your direction and raise his eyebrows waiting for you to answer, cause he still wants to be sure. And you’d hold your books tighter to your chest and nod so fast. He’d walk over to you and kiss you on your cheek and be all, “see you tomorrow, idiot.” And walk off like a bad bitch, cause that was pretty smooth, but once his back is to you and his headphones are on while he’s walking away BOY IS BLUSHING HARDDDD CAUSE HE’S LIKE did I really just do that oh shit 🥴

6. A Sunday Kind Of Love - Etta James: when I mentioned Tsuki liked to think about love this is exactly what I mean. He just wants something so relaxed and devoted and when he gets that with you? WHEW he is not letting that go!!

7. Black Dog - Arlo Parks: ok so this song itself is more intense than for what I’m writing for it and what it inspired me BUT this is really how Tsuki feels when he sees you overworking yourself. He can’t stand to see you stress so much over something, especially if it’s school, and then see you push your own limits in the favor of others. It’d definitely be a day where you come to his house to study but when you guys get there instead of pulling out the stuff from his bag he just sets it down and walks over to you and pulls you into his chest. After holding you for a while, he pulls back and makes you look up at him with his hands on your cheeks and leans down to kiss your forehead. “Are you ok?” It’s such a simple question but it really hits home and it’s one of the first times you guys simultaneously realize how much you care for each other. And you’d just hug him tighter and he decides nap time holds a little priority over studying right now.

8. come out and play - Billie Eilish: as smooth as Tsukishima can be or as clueless as he is, he’s also a shy lover for sure. It will take him a while to be genuinely soft and let his walls down and be vulnerable and tell you how much he cares about you, he try’s to show it as best as he can cause it can be easier than looking into your pretty eyes that make him all nervous and choke on his words while he tries to tell you he loves you. So it’ll take some coaxing and you being patient, but he’ll get there eventually and become more confident with his declarations of love.

9. Pleaser - Wallows: more on Tsuki being shy LMAO he wants to tell you he loves you SO BAD but he just cannot make himself do it

10. I’m Glad There Is You - Julie London: ok you mentioned slow dancing in the kitchen type songs? Stop it this is the one - to me this is the introvert love anthem , perfect for you two right? Like you’d be playing music in the kitchen while you two are cooking and this song would come on and normally he’s not a person who shows his affection much but this song would just get to him? Like he almost wants to cry??? He just looks at you, and maybe you’re humming a little, he really can’t tell but he doesn’t care cause you’re just so bright and gorgeous and the more he hears the song, the more his heart is starting to swell thinking of you. And so he wouldn’t be able to help himself. He’d just come up behind you and lean down so his head his resting on top of yours and his arms are wrapped around you. He leans down a little farther and presses a soft but long kiss to your cheek and just whispers how he loves you and hugs you tight one more time before going back to his part of cooking dinner; as if that wasn’t the first time he was finally able to tell you that.

11. Linger In My Arms A Little Longer Baby - Peggy Lee: kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music !! I feel like once Tsuki dances with you ONCE he’d be addicted 😶 like you just look so happy and it hits him in his gut in the best way and he’d kill to feel like that with you again 🖤

12. Sweet Creature - Harry Styles: stop I fucking love Harry styles when I say Tsuki sees you as his home I MEAN it, it doesn’t matter what happens between you two. Sure, like any couple you guys argue and it can be rough sometimes, problems can arise it’s natural. But Tsukishima would never be the type to say something he doesn’t mean or do anything to ruin the relationship, you’re his person and no matter how much you two argue he’d always be sure you know he loves you and you’re the most important thing to him, and you’re very aware of that.

13. I Think I Like It When It Rains - Willis: ok a little bit of angst! In those difficult moments, sure sometimes Tsuki does wish it was like how it was a while ago when the pining and awkwardness was still there and you would go home after studying and you’d both still be giddy and trying to calm yourselves down. Cause the pining and awkward feelings were easy to solve, but these problems are harder, they’re the ones you solve for the long haul. But once he takes a breather he knows this is so much more important and worth it, and he’s reminded of how much he really loves you.

14. I CHOOSE YOU - Adam Melchor: you really would be living in Tsukis mind rent free LMAO and while he was all grumpy at first at the fact he even wanted your attention he’s so happy now it’s so cute pls. He goes to the store and sees something you like?? Yeah he’s buying it. Hears a song you might like? He adds it to the playlist you guys share (yes you would have one from when you would study together all the time and you’ve just kept it and he always add songs to it still for you) all in all, you take up his mind 25/8 now and he’s accepted it with a smile on his face

15. this is how you fall in love - Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler: introvert love anthem #2, this is literally so cheesy and I hope it fits your taste but anyways!! Falling in love is just so easy for you guys, it’s the easiest thing Tsuki’s ever done, and he holds a lot of pride to that statement.

——————

that’s it!!! That’s the thing!! Gosh I really hope you like it !! Thank you for being so patient and kind to me again, and don’t forget to message me if you need a change

-🐇out

[chinateacup]

Hi! I just wanted to say I really love both Jealousy, the oneshots and R&R. I just really like how you write everything! Unfortunately I can't really think of a good fic-specific question. but if its not too troublesome, could you pull the curtain back and tell me how you actually write? As in the process, I've tried writing a few times and just end up in a whirlpool of AO3 tabs and vocaloid music playlists

Aw woW thank you so much!!!

This is a great question! It took me a lot of practice to get into the groove with writing and figure out how I can really get into the right headspace to do it. Now it’s basically my favourite thing to do.

Personally I need silence to write. I used to have podcasts or music going in the background, but one day I realised if I turned it off, I got so much more done and it was a lot easier for me to focus. I know that everyone is different, so see which way you like better.

A good rule of thumb to stop yourself from getting too overwhelmed is to focus on a very small part of your piece first. A lot of my chapters started with just a few lines of dialogue and I built around that! It’s also a good tip to write out of order. If you have to get through a boring part to write fun stuff, write the fun stuff first and you’ll find the boring stuff comes easier. In a lot of cases, it turns out to be unnecessary anyways :)

This is probably going to be unhelpful but starting with a Vibe is how I mainly get ideas for fanfics. When I started R & R, I knew I wanted a nostalgic, coming-of-age type feel to the first chapter. With Jealousy, I wanted a slow-burn based on confusing feelings and painful yearning. So maybe you want to write a fic with heavy, angsty vibes and unrequited desire? Start with what you want and build around that idea!

Also ROUTINE! Do you have a time where you like to write? Is it easier for you in the morning or at nighttime? What programme do you like to write on? Where do you like to write, at a desk, in your room, on your bed? Establishing a routine will help you be as productive as possible. Personally, I write best in the late morning and late at night on the coffee table in my living room!

Finally, if you want to write but don’t feel like you’re up to it, then read instead. You’ll learn so much about people’s ideas about the same characters, and be inspired by their own style of writing so it might come easier to you whenever you feel like trying again.

EDIT: I FORGOT ANOTHER REALLY IMPORTANT THING!!! Do NOT let your confidence get rocked! Anyone who has spoken to me for more than two seconds knows I’m not secure in my writing. I constantly doubt and second guess myself, I overthink chapters for days and read them over and over so often I hate them. I got into a terrible habit of every time I found an incredible fic written by someone else, while my first thought was ‘This author is amazing’, my second thought was ‘I will never make something this good’. That results in me not even wanting to write anymore, and there were even times I considered scrapping Jealousy I disliked it so much.

BUT all that mindset does is hinder you. Never compare yourself to another author and never let yourself feel bad about your writing. People are often their own greatest critics. Always keep writing, keep re-writing, keep editing and practising until you improve!

Oh no, this got long didn’t it? I’ll shut up now but I hope at least some of this was helpful! Thank you for the ask and for being so kind about my stuff <3

[myelocin]

To Us, A Love Story Unwritten | Kuroo T., Miya A.

Hello!! Before you begin reading, THIS STORY IS A PART TWO to Redefining You , which I highly recommend you read first because a lot of things are connected! :D

Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue | Bonus

Synopsis: Time away from Tetsurou leads you to the serendipity that is Miya Atsumu. 

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou, You, Miya Atsumu

Genre/Warnings/Tags: None! Angst,  HEALING, Hurt & Comfort, surfer!Atsumu, tattooed!Kuroo, Fluff

WC: 7600+

a/n: here’s a word dump of my feelings bcos i made an oopsie and projected real ppl in 2d characters again

*playlist if u want maximum feelies: Blue (Elina), Miles Apart (Nick Wilson)

-

The thought of healing didn’t cross your mind until some months later.

In the mornings after that morning, you stood in your balcony, leaning against the railing with a mug of coffee, your thoughts wandering. Sometimes you thought of what kind of coffee you liked, and other times you caught yourself wondering how Tetsurou moved through his six AMs. Morning thoughts were reserved for the things you prefer to keep out of your head during the day. Tetsurou, of course, had always been an exception. He somehow always flowed in your train of thought whether the numbers on your watch flashed 3am or 3pm.

Or now, you thought after taking a quick peek at the time in your phone, 6:19 AM; all you could think about was how sad his golden eyes looked against the black of Tokyo’s backdrop.

Tetsurou making his way into your thoughts has always how it’s been for almost a decade, and habits are a little hard to break. At least, that’s what you say to reason with yourself.

Thinking back to your words that night, the “I love you” just kind of slipped out. But you know you meant it. Shifting your wrist to the side, you studied the tattoo again, then closed your eyes to remember the expression on your best friend’s features.

You meant the I love you, you told yourself again. Towards yourself that was for sure; towards Tetsurou.

And that’s always going to be the case, taunted the voice in the back of your head.

After that night, Tetsurou had broken up with his long term girlfriend for good. Though he didn’t necessarily ruin himself over the breakup—there were changes.

He still texted you at odd hours to show you a video he thought was funny, still showed up to your apartment for movie nights, and more or less was still present. But it was during the particularly sentimental scenes in the movie where he’d choose to refill the popcorn or grab another soda, and you could see that his can was still half full. You noticing that Tetsurou always chose to pick the other boba shop that was on the other side of town never flew past you either. You knew that that was the shop he always used to take her after classes—so even seeing how his hands never failed to tighten against the steering wheel when the two of you would drive by, you always pretended not to notice. Even though four months had passed, you know that for him, the wound was still fresh.

And remembering how sad he looked that night, you couldn’t help yourself to feel for his pain. At the end of the day, weren’t you just two people who yearned for the love that couldn’t be yours?

So you sigh and take a sip of coffee from the mug; it had grown a little cold. The digital clock on your phone read 6:31 AM next to a text from Tetsurou asking if you had time for lunch later.

Replying a quick ‘yep. meet u at the usual :)’, did nothing for you trying to have a more productive day off today and thus the morning felt a little slower than normal, so you sigh. Again.

It was going to be one of those days.

-

Tetsurou always made it a point to look gorgeous. Was he trying? Probably not, but that son a bitch knew people gave him looks that lingered a bit too long to be considered just a passing glance. You nearly snort in laughter at the way he opens the door to the café a little too, for better words, extravagantly, and walk to you purposely taking his time because you could tell he felt the way the young mom sitting at the table near the counter was giving him the look.

Then again, you don’t blame her. You weren’t too far from her reaction, albeit you actually had the decency to not openly gawk at him. Tetsurou plopped down in the chair opposite from you and pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and propping them up the table before grabbing the menu from the middle of the table.

Already knowing your order, and his even though he still looks through the menu every time, you sit in your seat waiting for him to settle on the same thing he ordered the last time you ate there.

“Tetsu, why do you have to be so extra every time you see someone looking at you for more than three seconds?”

He cocked his head to the side and peeked at you from behind the menu, “Because I’m hot, tree.”

Though you rolled your eyes at the nickname, you still smiled at the familiar banter, “I still don’t get why you call me tree when you’re the literal beanpole in this friendship.”

“That’s rich coming from you, considering you told people you knew a talking rooster in highschool,” he deadpanned, but you knew he was on the edge of a chuckle from the way he emphasized his words.

“Hey,” you raised your arms up in defense, “people thought you were interesting that way so…”

Tetsurou set the menu down and rolled his eyes at your response as the waiter greeted the two of you. Before Tetsurou could open his mouth to say what he wanted, you spoke, “I’ll get the carbonara and he’ll get the tonkatsu ramen—“

“Oi-“ he interrupted from the side, still, you continued, “we’ll also get iced tea, extra sugar for him, and a little less for me.”

The waiter looked between the two of you waiting for Tetsurou to finish speaking but he only leans back huffing out a, “She’s right.”

You smirked. “You get the same thing every time.”

“Well what if I want something else one day?” he replied to which you rolled your eyes as a reply.

In between bites, Tetsurou looks up from his meal, “Any plans?”

You twirled the straw of your drink around the liquid and looked at him, “I was thinking of traveling somewhere. My boss is letting me take some time off, and season’s kind of slow, so might as well.”

He nods, and then points his chopsticks at you, sighing, “Oh to be young and employed with an employer who doesn’t want to kill you with work.”

“We’re literally seven months apart,” you deadpan.

He huffs in his seat and continues eating.

-

“Have you decided where you’re going?”

You look to your left at Tetsurou who’s facing you, no longer paying attention to the movie playing in the TV.  Smoothing out the blanket on your lap, you sigh and tilt your head. “Kinda? I’m thinking somewhere warm. Kinda miss the sea.”

At this point the movie you two settled on a few hours ago had been completely forgotten, so you shift your body and face him. He offers you your third (or was it the fourth?) can of beer for that night, which you take and pop open immediately.

“(Y/n), can you even swim?” he laughs.

You glare at him from behind your drink. “I can go and look pretty in the beach while sipping my margaritas thank you very much.” 

Tetsurou clinks his can against yours and leans back against the couch, shifting to a more comfortable position. When he finally settles, he positions his head in a way that’s still facing you.

Draping your legs across his lap, you rearrange the blanket so that it covers the both of you. You feel the weight of his hands leaning against your legs and then hear him speak, “How long are you gonna be gone?”

You shrug. “I don’t know, a month? Two months? Haven’t even got the ticket yet.”

He gives you a look you can’t decipher, and then his voice becomes a little quiet, “What if I want to go with you?”

“Tetsu, you know your job won’t let you off that long,” you reply. 

He lets out an exaggerated sigh and pout at you, “You’re going to go and find a new surfer best friend who’ll buy you margaritas that flips his hair and you’ll forget about me.”

You chuckle. “Like that’s gonna happen.”

At this point the alcohol must have hit the both of you because you suddenly look at him, eyes soft in the way you usually would mask in the hours you were sober. He looks at you, equally as deep in the state of inebriation as you are because his eyes are as hazy as the slur in his tone when he says, “Nope! Because you looooove me (y/n).”

And he laughs at his own joke, tilting his head back to take another swig of beer. The comedic undertone flies past you anyway, because you fiddle with the edge of your sweater and sadly nod, “Yeah. I do”

In front of you, Tetsurou raises his hand, smiling, then hollers, “High five! Love you too.”

If it wasn’t for the liquid confidence, you would’ve laughed along to his joke and take another gulp of your beer to swallow the confession—but you’re four cans in and Tetsurou saying that he loves you too clouds the usual boundaries swimming in your head.

He doesn’t notice you when you take another heavy gulp from your can, or bite your lip afterwards, but he hears you when you say, “I do, you dumb fuck, I love you.”

And as soon as you say it, you feel him look at you. You choose to keep your head down. A few beats of silence passes before he speaks, “I know, (y/n),” he reaches forward to grab your hand, taking it into his. He traces the lining of the tattoo before continuing, “I know your tattoo story. And I’m still proud of-“

“I love you, Tetsurou,” you could almost wince at how loud it echoed in the silence, and the alcohol is still swimming in your system so you take another gulp hoping to dive deeper.

You feel him stop tracing the lines on your wrist so you take your hand back to your lap. He let the quiet envelop the room again before he spoke, and you could tell he was careful with his words.

“That time in the balcony, when you said you loved someone…” he trailed off so you look up and catch his stare. His eyes were still glassy; your head was still swimming, the rational thoughts further muffled by liquid confidence.

“I meant you,” you say, and try to fight the urge to break eye contact.

And because Tetsurou chooses to reply with a hushed ‘I’m sorry.’, you tell him ‘it’s okay, Tetsu.’ and retreat to your bedroom with a mumbled excuse of sleeping off a headache.

You lie in the dark with one hand over your eyes and sniffle quietly. You hear his “I’m sorry,” echo in the silence, but you try to ignore the thought at how immediate the apology was. He always had a habit of thinking about his answers in uncertain situations.

But you know him more than you give yourself credit for, you realize, so you shut your eyes and ignore the sting of the tears because you know. You’ve always known everything you felt for him had been on the unrequited side for the most part.

The certainty in his apology still hurt none the less.

--

That morning you wake up with a slight pound in your head and an empty apartment. At least he didn’t stick around, you thought, fully aware that the conversation afterwards would have most likely been too awkward to sit through.

Sighing as you rounded the corner to enter the kitchen, you paused in your track to look at the table where a plate of omurice lay in the middle next to a glass of sweet tea, the condensation still a little fresh on the glass.

Taking a seat and whispering a soft, “Itadakimasu”, you picked up the glass and took a sip. It didn’t taste as sweet as his.

Your eyes still stung, but you couldn’t help but smile at the taste. Looks like he remembers how you like your tea too.

-

After that night, there never really came a talk about where the two of you stood. Two days after the not so sober confession, Tetsurou showed up at your door with a bag of donuts demanding your company to picnic at this new spot he found recently. So you played along and pretended like nothing happened. The rational thoughts were back, your head no longer cloudy so this time, you laughed along with Tetsurou.

Though you could tell this time around his gaze towards you lingered a little longer, and he began to have moments where it looked like he was contemplating to start a conversation then ultimately deciding against it at the very last second. It was fine, though. You weren’t sure if you were ready to have that conversation just yet.

So the next few weeks flowed like how it always did. Movie nights, playful banters, small talk, and beer—only this time you never drank more than two.

“Have you decided where you’re going?” he asks.

“Yeah, there’s this island in the Philippines. Siargao. My flight’s next week. The place looks sunny enough, but I might hop around the other islands if I stay long enough,” you reply.

“Don’t drown,” he laughs, and sets his beer down. You turn your focus back to the movie after chuckling at his reply and ignore how he never picked up a third can this time. And unlike before, he didn’t ask if he could come along this time.

-

Tetsurou drops you off with a half hug and a request that you update him as often as you can.

After a final wave at the gate, you board the plane with a return ticket to Japan slotted for two months later down the year.  

-

The island of Siargao is as beautiful as the pictures you always see on social media. Outside the unit you rented, was a stretch of untouched beach that was some ways from the main square of the city. And true to your words, for the first week of your arrival, you spent your days kicking the sand, lounging by the water and sipping on margaritas.

Tetsurou sent you multiple messages during the first few days, to which you replied through selfies with your margaritas. He’d send you a photo of himself rolling his eyes with the caption “off to work, because I have a job. Like some people.” , or something along similar lines.

You tried to think this wasn’t some random trip you took just because of Tetsurou. It had been a long time since you last took a vacation for yourself; work was lenient, you saved up enough, and frankly, you missed the beach. Tetsurou was just the icing on top of the cake that helped you make your decision, you rationalized.

Plus, you thought, this place is paradise.

And you held on to that thought because a few days later came the knock on your door at six in the morning that introduced you to the serendipity you never could have predicted. Your little summer serendipity came in the form of a six foot one, and totally ripped blonde named Miya Atsumu.

He knocked at your door asking if you knew any places that rented out surfboards and scooters. By the time he was at the third word of his sentence, you knew he was Japanese because of the accent that lingered after he spoke. By the fourth sentence, he smiled in a way that had his eyes crinkling. And by the end of the conversation, by whatever being possessed you in that moment, probably that extra margarita, you had agreed to go to the main square in the city with him.

Atsumu knocks on your door for the second time that day at five in the afternoon wearing a loose white button shirt and another eye crinkling smile. Dangling a set of keys in one hand he nodded behind him and said, “Ready to go? I got the scooter from the place you told me.”

This time, you voiced out your hesitation, “Ahh, it’s alright. You don’t have to get dinner for me tonight. I just happened to know a place.”

He smiles and blinks at you laughing, “Ya travelin’ alone?” You nod then he continues, “Same here. Might as well know someone in the area. Heard the food here’s good, so let’s go.”

You open your mouth to protest but he turns and walks towards his scooter so you huff and follow after him. He did have a point. You were going to be there for two months so might as well actually take the time to know some people.

-

After Atsumu helps you fasten the belt on the helmet, he tells you to ‘feel free to hold on to my waist if ya need to balance.’ and then backs to the main street. Your hands rest on his shoulders as he drives along a road parallel to the stretch of water on your far left. It must have been close to seven, you take note, because as you glance up the colors in the sky begin to blend into mellow hues of orange and red.

You look forward and glance at Atsumu’s reflection in the side mirror before briefly catching his eye. From the mirror, you could see an expression that was somewhere between a smirk and a smile.

“Ya like what ya see?” he yells over the wind.

You squeeze his shoulder, then lean closer saying, “Just drive. I’m not in the mood to die.”

He laughs over the holler of the open air and you can’t help but smile along to how his laugh lingers in the air.

Soon enough, the two of you settle into a restobar by the beach, one close enough to the water where you could ditch your flip flops and let your feet sink in the sand.

This has got to be the fifth margarita I’m drinking today, you think to yourself before taking a sip. Still good though, you inwardly snort. Atsumu sits across you from the table nursing his own choice of drink.

The atmosphere was nice, the live musician strumming his first song in the background. Then Atsumu speaks from across you, “So,” he begins, “How long ya stayin’?”

You fiddle with the straw of your drink, facing him, “Two months. You?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know yet. Off season and there’s not much to do back home, so might as well be bored somewhere a little more scenic.”

“Indefinite vacation,” you nod—impressed, “Must be hella loaded.”

He laughs again, “I’m comfortable.”

The silence envelops the two of you again, but as the musician begins another song, from the corner of your eye you see Atsumu listen, clap, and smile so you decide maybe befriending this stranger won’t be so bad after all.

The next night you head for go for drinks, Tetsurou messages you with a picture of him and Kenma in the car with a caption, “movie night minus the traitor who left the country >:((“ and you reply with your signature margarita selfie with Atsumu throwing a peace sign to your right. Tetsurou replies with a smiley face and you don’t hear from him for the rest of the night.

-

The next few weeks consisted of waking up shy of the sunrise and walks along the trail where the waves crept towards the sand. Atsumu liked to join you in the mornings, of course, the days he actually wakes up before ten AM. Some days you’d watch him peddle out into the water catching wave after wave as you sat in the sand, under a shade. You didn’t really go out into the water and preferred to just sit in the sun, so the times Atsumu would catch a break, he’d lay out a towel next to you and sit to talk.

He was talkative. Extremely talkative. But it was welcome, you suppose. He asked aimless questions during conversations. Conversations with him usually sounded like this: “(y/n)?” “Yep?” “Whadda ya think about riceballs?” “They’re…okay, I guess.” “Good to know.”

It was endearing, you suppose. Atsumu respected your boundaries and never pried, that fact was for sure. Though, he chose to fill in the beats of silence with little facts about his life. Over the course of the next month, in the moments you’d spend with Atsumu during the day, you’ve learned that he was playing for a professional volleyball team, he’s originally not from Tokyo, he tripped during a fan meeting, has a twin brother who’s darn good at cookin’ (he emphasized), and that his favorite food is fatty tuna. You don’t remember specifically asking, but he talks anyway you can’t bring yourself to mind one bit.

During the past month and some, Tetsurou sporadically texts you a greeting to which you reply to—but this time, it wasn’t until much, much later that you realize you didn’t think too much about the change of tone and much hastier conversations. You usually ended the phone call this time around, too.

Nearing the last few stretches of golden hour, Atsumu would routinely knock at your door and drag you out to walk around the beach only retreating to your respective units hours after the sunset.

It was during this one night where Atsumu sits you down and stars a small bonfire. He excused himself for a brief moment then came back with a Tupperware of what you assumed to be snacks, a blanket, and a hoodie which he lent you (that up to now you still haven’t returned).  You smile as he takes his seat next to you, comfortable in his hoodie.

“So,” Atsumu breaks the silence, “how come yer runnin’ away for two months?”

“That’s kinda sudden,” you reply.

He knocks your shoulder with his lightly before speaking again, “You don’t have ta’ share if you don’t wanna.”

“No pressure,” he says again and his eyes crinkle at his smile so you press your shoulder against his and say, “I just wanted time for myself I guess.”

He nods, so you continue, “It’s nothing dramatic, really. For a big part of my life I just…lived according to how people placed me in their lives. I guess I just wanted the space where I had to make decisions from nothing if that even makes any sense.”

“Depends. How many margaritas did ya have today?” he jokes.

“Atsumu! You were with me the whole day, I haven’t even had one yet,” you laugh out.

“But I understand what ya’ mean. Yer all good, I just thought you were gonna say you were soul searchin’ cause of a boy that broke ya’ heart back home.”

You look at him and wince. “In a way, that was a factor as well.”

Half expecting a sympathetic reply, you find yourself rolling your eyes and laughing because Atsumu suddenly yells, “Bingo!” and flicks your forehead.

He faces you and holds his hands up, “Hey, we all got a reason to do stuff so I ain’t gonna judge ya’.”

You smile and lean against his shoulder because you know he’s sincere. 

“Atsumu?” you call out.

“Yeah?” he replies as he turns his head looking at you. 

The red of the flames flicker as a glassy reflection against the brown in his eyes and your thoughts become jumbled for a second.

“If I find out you’re here because you got dumped I’m never letting you live it down.”

His eyes crinkle along with his laugh and you find yourself missing the pools of brown, but the echo of his laugh resonates clear in your ears as compensation so you decide you’re satiated.

“I swear I just got bored back home!”

Atsumu spends the next few hours by telling you stories and giving you soft smiles, and you don’t notice the absence of Tetsurou’s message that night.

-

On the afternoon after some weeks more, Atsumu comes to you by knocking at your door at five in the afternoon (which doesn’t even surprise you at this point), demanding you put on swimwear because he was going to teach you how to swim. At first, you stare at him with a blank look—wherein he stares at you right back with equal intensity, so after some time, you sigh and shoo him out, telling him you’ll meet him outside after you get ready.

After tugging on some shorts and a bikini top, you walk outside and glance around looking for the telltale blonde of Atsumu’s head. It doesn’t really surprise you when you hear your name being hollered from some distance, so as you look to the direction of the water—you see Atsumu waving his arms wildly, already waist deep out in sea.

The water was warm, at least, and you carefully wade in the water towards Atsumu. He lets you grab his arms to help you find balance against the waves knocking against you.

“You know you’re going to fail if you try to teach me right?” you say.

“Just needed an excuse to get you in the water,” he chuckles. 

You respond by splashing him with a handful of water. And somewhere in between splashes of water and playful banter, you find yourself wading chest deep into warm water, Atsumu’s arms acting as your anchor against the push and pull of the waves. The two of you stay like that for some time and you allow the woosh of the water and distant sounds of the children on shore fill the silence.

“Golden hour’s almost up, ‘Tsumu, we should go back.” you say after some time. 

He stands behind you and leans down a bit, then surprises you as he wraps his arms around you, pulling your back to his chest. Your breath hitches, then his voice sounds low near your ear, “Look at the sky.”

And so you do. The sky in front of you lights itself in bursting shades of oranges, reds, and touches of violets. You turn your face to the side but stop because you see Atsumu staring at you, the expression on his face soft.

“Pretty, ain’t it?” his lips part to say, and you nod because you see licks of the sky’s painting reflected in the glassy brown pools of Atsumu’s eyes.

He blinks and smiles in a softer way that only the corners crinkle up, and you don’t notice how your hand eventually found its way to wrap around his because you’re gravitating towards him—face angling closer until you felt his lips press against your forehead.

“Did you know,” you begin, “when you feel deja vu that means the universe is telling you you’re going down the right path?”

Atsumu looks as you, “Does this feel familiar?”

“In a way,” you respond and smile.

Turning to face him, Atsumu’s hands cradle yours as he presses his lips towards the side of your lips, then back to the side of your head feeling him smiling into the kiss. “You’re somethin’ else, (y/n).”

You look at him wearing a smile mirroring his, “Something good I hope.”

It’s something good, you decide later that night as you settle in bed after dinner with Atsumu. The past few hours flew by in a mirage of good conversation, light hearted jokes and even more eye crinkling smiles from Atsumu.

Settling into the comforter, you grab your laptop just in time as Tetsurou’s face pops up on screen, requesting a video call. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you hit the accept button and wave hello as Tetsuou’s face appears on the screen. He holds a can of beer as a greeting and leans forward. His eyes look glassy.

“(Y/n)..” His voice trails off before slowly continuing, “—how are you?”

You don’t notice his tone from the high you’re still feeling from the day so you beam at him, “I’m good! Atsumu and I are really hitting it off! You’d love him Tetsu!”

He stares at you through the webcam and then he sighs deep. Finally catching a drift of the atmosphere he’s giving off, you watch him crack another beer open and slowly speak, “You okay? Did something happen?”

He sets the can down at the table in front of him and places his face in his hands. You notice the new ink around his forearms. “I miss you, (y/n).”

“I’ll be home next week, Tetsu,” you say

“I—“ he pauses to look up at you with glassy eyes, “I think we should give us a try.”

Your heart clenches. “Tetsurou, you’re drunk. We can talk when I get home.” He shakes his head, and his movement is a little sluggish, so you continue to speak before he could, “I saw the photo your ex posted earlier. You’re still not okay, Tetsu.”

He leans back to his chair with a little force, “And suddenly you are? After being in love with me for eight years, (y/n), you expect me to believe that you’re suddenly okay? Bullshit.”

Your face grimaces, and you feel anger bubble up, the emotion seeping into your words, “I don’t think you’re ever going to go away, Tetsurou. For years I watched you fall in and out of love with someone who was never me. I’m not suddenly okay but I accepted that this—“ you pause to gesture between the two of you, “—isn’t going to happen and I’m moving on. I watched you when you were at your happiest and I deserve that too, Tetsu. I deserve to be at my happiest whether it be by myself or with Atsu-“

“We can try, (y/n),” he cuts you off softly.

“But I don’t deserve someone who isn’t sure about me,” you reply.

And maybe it’s the liquid confidence that riles him up, but he suddenly straightens his back and looks at you with the same glare you stare at him with, “And are you sure about Atsumu? You told me none of us are saints, (y/n), you’re not better off than I am here.”

You open your mouth, but the silence remains; the atmosphere suddenly heavy.

Then Tetsurou slumps before he he speaks, “(Y/n), I—“  

“It’s okay, Kuroo,” you watch as he winces at his surname, “It’s late and I really want to get some sleep. You should too. Take care.”

You catch the last second of him parting his lips at an attempt to reply before you promptly ended the call and shut off your laptop.

His words ring in your ear the entire night, and you think of Atsumu the entire night. You watch the second hand of the clock on your bedside table tick slowly. Your hand comes to rest against your eyes as you try to let sleep pull you in.

You think of Tetsurou who looked at you with glassy eyes that told you all the reasons why his heart was still hurting, then you think of Atsumu—of how the sunset looked better reflected in his eyes than it did painted across the sky.

“I really hope this is something good,” you echo your words from earlier as you let sleep finally succumb into slumber.

-

The night before your flight, Atsumu seats you outside for a bonfire, with the same blankets, snacks, and hoodie fitted around you. The first few hours he jokes about little stories that happened throughout his life and listens patiently when you’d share a snippet of yours.

At this point, you weren’t sure where the two of you stood. You look at him from the corner of your eye as he blows against an extremely burnt marshmallow before sheepishly offering the stick to you.

“When we’re back in Japan I’m lettin’ ya taste ‘Samu’s cookin’ to make up for this I swear.”

You lean your head against his arm and blow on the charred marshmallow, “Have you decided when you’re coming back?”

“Yes, but I’m not tellin ya,” Atsumu chuckles.

“What!” You exclaim, suddenly sitting up, “You already have a ticket?”

“That’s also a secret, doll.”

You sigh and move to lightly punch his shoulder, but instead, he catches your hand midway and envelops it in his own. Atsumu looks at the tattoo on your wrist peeking out, so tentatively, he pushes down the sleeve and looks at it.

“Baby’s breath means eternal love, right?” he asks, voice hushed.

“I’m surprised a big, buff, man like you knows,” you reply.

“Oi, big buff men can be sentimental too,” Atsumu quips.

“(Y/n),” he begins then looks at you in a way that suddenly has your stomach churning, “Should we give us a go at this?”

He asks the same question as Tetsurou did a few nights back and your head is swimming. Tetsurou’s words muddle the thoughts in your head as you turn to face Atsumu who is looking at you with eyes that always held the same softness that remained unchanged from two months ago.

Is this even fair for Atsumu? is the thought that you circle around.

“I don’t want to give you only half of me, ‘Tsumu,” you cradle his cheek in your palm and your heart stirs when he leans in. 

“You’re too good for me,” you confess.

He closes his eyes and you find yourself missing the dancing specks of scarlet flames reflected in his orbs. 

“You’re killin’ me, doll,” he sighs, his face still warm against your palm. Atsumu’s hand trails up and cups your hand that’s still flush against his cheek.

“Is this the part where we say we’re the right people who met at the wrong time?” he jokes quietly. Atsumu looks at you with a smile contrasting against the somber expression in his face, and you feel your heart clench.

Your thoughts momentarily flicker back to the night you talked to Tetsurou in your balcony some months ago and remember the feeling of déjà vu hinting that you were heading in the right direction with your decision.

Staring back at him, you look at your own reflection in darkened pools of brown and don’t feel déjà vu’s familiar push. Atsumu’s other hand trails up your face and his thumb rubs against your cheek. You stay silent when he sighs again and your heart clenches in the way that hurts, and your brain scrambles for a reason why.

Atsumu angles your hand in a way that lets him press a kiss to the tattoo on your wrist. “Hope ya heal in time, (y/n).”

You’re still quiet, thoughts still muddled as your rationality wrestles to string words to convey to Atsumu. “We can stay in contact, ‘Tsumu. I still want you to be in my life,” you slowly say.

“I don’t wanna be hurtin’ you while you’re still tryin’ to find yourself,” he says, and you nod. Déjà vu never comes and your heart still aches.

And your heart remains heavy as the two of you stand up to retreat for the night. Against the door of your room you look at him and press a kiss on his cheek. He smiles at you.

“Well, I guess,” you initiate, “see you around?”

He smiles and crosses the short distance between the two of you, then presses a chaste kiss on your forehead. “If the universe wills it, doll.”

The feeling of déjà vu is absent for the rest of the night.

-

After the first few days of your arrival back in Japan, you stay in your apartment cursing the winter. This particular winter was a little harsh for Tokyo and the sudden temperature change you needed to adjust to didn’t help with your traitor immune system. Kenma had waited for you at the arrival area of the airport instead of Tetsurou that day. Then again, you weren’t complaining—you didn’t have any plans to talk to him immediately after coming back home.

You didn’t need to report back to your job until the next week so the first few days, you loitered around your apartment mindlessly passing the time. Some mornings, you’d drag a chair by the balcony and sip your morning coffee. The snow accumulating on the rails and the gloomy morning light was a far cry from the little island you explored with Atsumu back in the Philippines, but your thoughts still ghosted around him from time to time.

The morning you left for the airport, he slept in, but that didn’t stop you from leaving a sticky note in his front door with your contact details neatly printed in the paper. Throughout your day, your eyes constantly flickered to sneak glimpses at your phone’s notification bar, but there was never an unknown number. So you sighed, and instead scrolled through the photos you managed to capture with him. The image of Atsumu stared back at you through the screen, expression beaming with unfiltered happiness and you find yourself smiling along every time.

A knock on your door one morning brings you out of your haze. Before you could look through the peep hole, another knock comes and then a voice, “Ah, (y/n), I think you’re home now,” your hand on the door knob loosens, “It’s Tetsurou. Can we please talk?”

You must have stayed quiet too long because he speaks again, “I got you donuts.” 

And you sigh, because he’s right, the two of you need to talk. But you still tell yourself you’re only opening the door because it’s six in the morning and you can’t be bothered to make breakfast so the donuts are the only reason you’re letting him in.

-

Tetsurou sits on the opposite side of the dining table gripping the handle of his mug with one hand before he clears his throat and looks at you, “I’m sorry.”

“Tetsurou,” you begin, “You’re someone that I don’t think will ever leave my system.” His eyes are a little clearer now that you return his stare. “You’re still the person who grew up with me even if time difference existed you know. You’ve had so many roles in my life and that’s never going to change.”

He looks at you, suddenly looking like a teenager again. His golden eyes stare at you and gleam of something unspoken. “I think somewhere along the years I really did fall in love with you, (y/n). And it just sucks how we never met at the same page. I really do love you, (y/n).”

“Maybe in the next life, Tetsu,” you say suddenly choked up. “We both deserve-“

“A fresh start.” He cuts you off, smiling. “A fresh start.” You affirm.

Before you knew it, Tetsurou rolls his sleeve to his elbows and angles his arm showing you a small outline of the sun peeking out behind some buildings. You look at him just in time for his explanation, “It’s not as sentimental as your baby’s breath tattoo, but sunrises remind me of you.”

You feel your eyes water when you look at the amber of his eyes growing glassier, “You got a tattoo that reminds you of me?”

“You’ve always been a constant in my life, (y/n). I shared so many sunrises with you. And I mean it when I say that I want you to find what makes you happy.” He tells you as you smile and lean forward, tracing the lining of his tattoo. The moment feels a little like déjà vu that doesn’t disappear when Tetsurou speaking again, “I love you enough to realize that kind of happiness won’t be with me, (y/n).”

He looks at you and everything feels so familiar. You choke out a sob that sounded a little like a laugh and Tetsurou does the same.

“You’re never getting rid of me, you lunatic,” you say, and Tetsurou laughs—eyes glassy from the pricks of tears fighting to slide down his cheeks. “We’re okay, right?” He asks you. And you nod, because your heart constricts in a way that doesn’t hurt, the knot in your stomach gone and Tetsurou looking so beautiful from the morning light that filtered in feels so familiar.

“Always, Tetsu.”

And after some moments of comfortable silence, he looks to the window on his left saying, “So, surfer dude slash volleyball player, huh? I think you got a type going on, (y/n).”

You roll your eyes and finally grab a donut from the box. “Yeah.”

Tetsurou chuckles, “Tell me about him. He’s the first guy who makes you look dopey in love.” So you smile and look out the window thinking about the boy who spoke of the little moments and showed you worlds under the sun and feel your heart mellow to a gentle beat, “He’s something good.”

-

Atsumu’s number doesn’t show up on your phone for the next month, but you try to keep yourself from doing your own research, or as Tetsurou pointed out, stalking, for his presence in social media. If he didn’t want to be found, you’d just leave him to it.

Tetsurou sits across from you at the arrival gate in Haneda airport later that month, scrolling through his phone and mumbling curses because Bokuto, his friend, had told him the wrong time for his arrival and won’t be arriving until a few hours later. Instead of driving back home, wasting gas, and sitting through traffic, you suggest to pass the time at a café instead.

“I swear to god, (y/n), remind me to end my friendship with him the second he lands,” Tetsurou huffs from across you.

“You’re being dramatic again,” You roll your eyes, laughing. 

“He’s gonna be here in a bit,” you pause and stand up, grabbing your phone, “I’ll go check the board so stay here.”

“Since you left your wallet here, I’m treating myself to another frapp, thanks (y/n)!” you hear him call from behind you, so you turn to flick him off as you keep walking.

-

Looking at the board above the gate, your eyes scan to look for information regarding Bokuto’s flight. Under said flight, you smile looking at SIARGAO listed within the board. Briefly, your thought wonders off to Atsumu; you hoped he was doing well.

A flow of people begin to trail out of the gate and into the lobby. Assuming that it must be from Bokuto’s flight, you stand on your tip toes from your little corner to look for the telltale monochromatic palette of his hair.

Grabbing your phone, you hastily press call to Tetsurou’s contact name, to which he answers with a drawled out “Heeelllloo?” along with an exaggerated slurp to the Frappuccino he bought with your card.

You open your mouth to tell him to come over, except that you don’t because standing a few meters in front of you is a familiar blonde.

From the phone in your ear, you hear Tetsurou call your name, so through the haze in your thoughts, you mumble a quick “Never mind.” and hang up. You don’t think Atsumu notices you just yet because he’s pulled his luggage to the side, a little closer to you this time, and pulled out his phone to what you could guess was him texting somebody.

You don’t speak for the first few beats of silence because, holy shit this is fanfiction material—is this actually happening? Eventually he pockets his phone and looks around, before his eyes spots you, who at this point, is still openly gawking at him some distance away.

Then three things happen in succession; first, Atsumu’s eyes widen, second, he blinks really fast, and then finally, third, cracks a smile.

And as soon as his smile pushes the crinkle in his eyes, you feel yourself release the breath you’ve unconsciously held in. He pushes his luggage with him as he walks towards you, hand held up in greeting and the smile still plastered wide on his face.

“Yo,” he says and your heart bursts with your reply that came out a little more breathless than you’d expected, “Hi.”

-

Tetsurou stands some distance away from the two of you, holding your wallet and his Frappuccino. He spots the blonde mop of head you’re staring at, really you should chill out (he thinks), and immediately recognizes his features as Miya Atsumu, the same guy who’s been a part of your daily margarita selfie for the two months you were in the Philippines.

The bedhead watches you walk towards Atsumu, and he to you before you both met somewhat in the middle, then looks at you, finding himself smile because of how happy you looked. He stands in his spot and can’t help but feel some sort of déjà vu as he stops himself from approaching the two of you. His heart, he realizes, clenches in a way that sort of hurts but sort of doesn’t, but because this is the first time looking at you with a smile so unabashed, he settles with the thought that because he loves you—you deserve nothing short of the happiness you’re feeling now.

And you can’t help but feel the same as Atsumu laughs out a comment about how the universe must really want the two of you together. His arms circle your figure after exchanging a few pleasantries and inside jokes and you smile into the crook of his neck.

“This feels a little like that déjà vu thing ya talked about before, ya know.” He mumbles. And for the brief moment you see Tetsurou’s text on the screen of your phone reading, “whipped.”, you laugh in a way that has you feeling dizzy and light. You feel like you could cry when Atsumu kisses the side of your head, because this moment feels so familiar.

Atsumu feels so familiar. So when you break the embrace and look at the reflection of your watering eyes in the warm pools of his, more than ever, you were sure that this is exactly where the gods meant for you to be.

-

a/n: *i’m aware there’s no direct flight from haneda/siargao but pls bear w me ;A;

proceed to Epilogue :D

[maybebrilliant]

My ridiculous fandoms:

I know, multifandom much?!

I have a LOT, although I will post mostly AoS shit. (I don’t make things for all of these, don’t worry lmao, mostly I just spectate and sometimes reblog stuff.) Up to know I’ve put them all up in my bio, but I’ve decided only to do the top, say, three, otherwise it just gets wayyy too long. However, I’m putting it all here, so that anyone, if they feel so inclined, can see what shit I’m interested in. 

I will also be putting a bunch of my favourite quotes from the shows there, because, well, I’m a total nerd xD. 

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

”With great responsibility comes...a ton of weird shit you are not prepared to deal with.”

“The steps you take don’t have to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.”

“Sometimes, making a difference means being different.”

Star Trek: Discovery (sauce)

“You had me at unsanctioned mission...” 

“Deal with me, universe, while I deal with her.”

And...(though this is not a real quote, exactly) Sauce Afirma Sauce Eterna. :)

Derry Girls

“If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me.”

“We got the gist. They ran out of spuds, everyone was raging.” 

“Slainte, motherfuckers!”

Julie and the Phantoms

“Chill man, Street Dogs haven’t killed us yet.”

“I cried in a room for twenty-five years and didn’t get a single hug from either of you!”

“Oh. She said oh. That’s what you say if you get socks on your birthday, not when you’re invited to join the most epic band ever!” 

Brigerton

“Having a nice face and pleasant hair is not an accomplishment. Do you know what is an accomplishment? Attending university! If I were a man, I could do that, you know.”

“You would actually have to be interesting for me to bother spying on you"

“All is fair in love and war but some battles leave no victor, only a trail of broken hearts that makes us wonder if the price we pay is ever worth the fight.”

Simon Snow series

“You were the sun, and I was crashing into you.”

“Sharing a room with the person you want most is like sharing a room with an open fire. He's constantly drawing you in. And you're constantly stepping too close. And you know it's not good--that there is no good--that there's absolutely nothing that can ever come of it. But you do it anyway. And then... Well. Then you burn.”

“I'd cross every line for him. I'm in love with him. And he likes this better than fighting.”

Avatar the Last Airbender

“Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not.”

“My first girlfriend turned into the moon.” “That’s rough buddy.”

“Why am I so bad at being good?”

Harry Potter

“It’s leviOsa, not levioSA!” 

“I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

“Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.”

The Queen’s Gambit

"I Would Say It Is Much Easier To Play Chess Without The Burden Of An Adam's Apple."

"I'm Not Your Guardian Angel. I'm Not Here To Save You. Hell, I Can Barely Save Me."

“Again?”

Once Upon A Time

"That's How You Know You've Really Got A Home. 'Cause When You Leave It ...There's This Feeling You Can't Shake. You Just Miss It."

"Sometimes The Best Teacup Is Chipped."

"All Magic Comes With A Price."

The Good Place

“I’m just not a ‘new experience’ kind of guy. My comfort zone is basically like, that chair, and honestly? The arms are a little sharp.” 

“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is, if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from? That’s my answer.”

“We do nothing. We hope that our early successes make up for the embarrassing mess we’ve become. Like Facebook. Or America.”

Community

"We'll definitely be back next year. If not, it'll be because an asteroid has destroyed all human civilization. And that's canon."

"GAAYYY MARRIAAGEE!!"

“Our Captain was killed on duty tonight. Leaves behind two kids and a pregnant wife. So you’re missing a Batman DVD?”

Zoey’s Extraoridnary Playlist

“Who wants some freshly delivered, slightly cold, mediocre pizza?” 

“Songs are all just an expression of our deepest wants and desires… Joy, pain, heartbreak, yearning, forgiveness, revenge. Good music can make you feel things you can’t express in words.”

“I just found out a guy I like is engaged, and I am either going totally nuts, or I suddenly can hear people’s innermost thoughts as big musical numbers.”

The Old Gaurd

“Depends on the century.”

“You're an incurable romantic...”

“SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!”

Merlin (BBC)

“Merlin should take some of the credit, turns out he’s not always entirely stupid.” 

“Are you saying I’m fat?” -Arthur | “No, I’m saying the belt is one hole shy away from perfection.”

Artemis Fowl

“I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.” 

“We lost the crickets,” she said. “Even you can’t make that sound tough.”

“I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.”

How To Train Your Dragon

“ Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile!”

“You just gestured to all of me.”

“Toothless, what are you doing? We need her to LIKE us!”

The Dragon Prince

“I’m just a kid. I haven’t fought in any battles. I haven’t read many books of wisdom. I haven’t gone through the things that made my father the king he was. So I’ve decided that I don’t have to be the king my father was. My father made choices to keep fighting battles that started hundreds of years before he was born. To punish enemies for crimes their parents committed! I don’t want to be that kind of king.” 

“The dragon prince is alive! And he’s really cute, by the way.”

“What? WHAAAAAAAT!”

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”  

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”

“The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”

“Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.”

sorry for the five I couldn’t choose only 3

But there you have it, my insane, ridiculous, way-too-many fandoms. For anyone who cares. ;)

[georgiaswarr]

georgia warr

never been in love - gatlin

a song about wanting to be in love but not being able to be in love, which is very fitting for georgia’s initial situation. i’ve put this at the beginning of this playlist because - spoiler alert - the last song on here is also called never been in love and i think these two songs symbolise georgia’s journey in a very mint way. also, the first line of this song is “that boy from georgia was so sweet” which i think is pretty funny

somebody to love - queen

the title says it all. georgia wants to find somebody to love. i mean, she’s already found them, but we’ll get to that later.

paradise - coldplay

georgia is a big dreamer and yearner and i think this song really encapsulates that on so many levels. i mean “when she was just a girl / she expected the world / but it flew away from her reach / so she ran away in her sleep” that’s georgia !

tous les garçons et les filles - françoise hardy

french song because i’m ~quirky~ but this song is basically about seeing everyone else be in relationships and feeling lonely/wanting one for yourself

waiting for love - avicii

georgia is a hopeless romantic, but she’s still waiting for her own grand romance (she still hasn’t realised that the “love” she’s “waiting for” has already “come around”)

dear no one - tori kelly

georgia “i want someone to be in love with but there is no one” warr, at least at the beginning of the book

chaos - miki fiki

this song can be interpreted with various themes of the book in mind such as yearning for something you don’t have, feeling lonely, emotional turmoil, etc, it’s a banger

i walk a little faster - fiona apple

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist (they’ve done a great rundown here). this song has similar themes to dear no one, anticipating that romance will come to you, but it hasn’t, despite how hard you chase it, how fast you walk

when - dodie

shoutout to @drarrystar for recommending this song to me because so many of the lines reflect georgia to the core. just look up the lyrics and you’ll agree

deeper - ella eyre

“cause i’m scared, i can’t lie / i don’t feel the same inside / i can’t decide if i have the heart to confess” georgia thinks she can learn to love jason romantically if she just digs a little deeper

loneliness for love - lovelytheband

“anything at all not to feel alone / anything at all just to feel whole / ‘cause i keep mistaking loneliness for love”

a little more - alessia cara

“there you are with your college friends / you played in a marching band / i can't help but wish i knew you then / but i guess i know you now // it looks as if i've stumbled right into the palm of your hand // hey, you / hey, mr. knock on my door / i'm sorry that I've been emotions galore / am i crazy for wanting a little bit more? / a little more of you” georgia about sunil. she needs their guidance and wishes he’d been there for her earlier.

stuck in california - rightfield

a song about feeling alone and alienated by everyone and everything around you, and waiting for your “stars to align”, which fits georgia if you ask me

seven - taylor swift

georgiapip song !!!!!! it’s also about how alienating it can be to grow up and lose your childhood innocence, and i have a lot of thoughts about a very specific brand of growing pains that come with being aspec, but that’s a topic for another day

te amo - rihanna

this is a song about having someone be romantically in love with you and the heartbreak that comes from not being able to reciprocate those feelings --> georgia about jason

love love love - of monsters and men

same as te amo. it hits especially hard when you do love the other person so fucking much

ceiling won’t break - finish ticket

this song gives me georgia’s emotional turmoil vibes, also the line “i see no lights ‘cause the lights weren’t aimed at me” can be interpreted in a “cupid’s arrows didn’t hit georgia” way if you get what i mean

lack of emotion - skott

once again we are dealing with themes of not being able to feel the emotions that you “““““should”““““ feel for someone

let me go - hailee steinfeld

another song about georgia and jason’s (romantic) relationship and how it was doomed to fail from the beginning so she hopes he can let her go

i’m so tired - lauv, troye sivan

i’m just thinking about that line in loveless where georgia resentfully realises how many songs are about romantic love. she’s just so tired

crush culture - conan gray

and another song about being resentful of our romance-obsessed society, which georgia certainly is plenty of times throughout the book

home - ella eyre

christmas break time babey !!!! georgia has reached her low point and she’s going home

i love my car - belle & sebastain

“I pressed a cold hand against my car, which was as far up the drive of our house as it could get. I’d missed my car.” - loveless by alice oseman, celebrating all kinds of love since 2020

i’ve never written a song about a boy - eva westphal

this was actually recommended to me by @michaelholdenn for this playlist ! a song about the liberation that comes with not having to force attraction anymore

this is home - cavetown

i think months ago some ask told alice that this is a loveless song and i agree

why can’t we be friends - jordy searcy

this is about georgia’s strained relationship with pip and jason after the bailey ball and how she wishes they could just be friends again, the way they were all throughout their childhood

chiquitita - abba

okay fuckers THIS is literally the LOVELIEST song about friendship and wanting to be there for your loved ones and i’m sure georgia relates

open up - matt simons

“you’re hard to talk to with that wall around you” vs. “rooney had a solid brick wall round some part of her that nobody was allowed to know.” basically, georgia wants rooney to open up to her

just fucking let me love you - lowen

okay, yes, this song is very gay, but i think it can be applied to georgiarooney too ! the frustration this song expresses of wanting to shake someone and scream at them to just fucking let you love them is definitely shown in loveless when it comes to those two

less than i do - the band camino

georgia about pip. she hopes that pip will forgive her eventually. i mean look at the line “i still have your denim jacket” in the song - georgia still has pip’s jacket too, it’s perfect !!!

friends will be friends - queen

if loveless taught us anything it’s that friends sure fuckin will be friends

stick with me - olly murs

“we all get lonely / trying to find a place where we should be / trying to find someone to set us free / there are times a friend is all you need” you know when alice said that every character in the book feels “loveless” in some way at one point or another, but they all learn the value and importance of platonic love? yeah.

your song - moulin rouge

“and then, with three accompanists, i stood on a boat on the river wear and sang ‘your song’ - the version specifically from moulin rouge - to pip quintana, who didn’t yet know me as well as i wished she did, but despite that, was one of my favourite people i had ever met.”

wherever i live - alessia cara

you know the scene after georgia leaves pip and rooney to their first kiss? yeah, this song really reflects that mindset of half loneliness, half acceptance to me. listen to it.

take time - honest men

accepting your identity takes time ! even by the end of loveless there’s still days when georgia wishes she wasn’t aroace and the book presents this in an amazing and properly nuanced way !

die alone - finneas

"you asked me, ‘do you wanna die alone / or watch it all burn down together?’ / i said i’d rather try to hold on to you forever” this song is very much georgiarooney - finding each other in their darkest of days and watching everything they thought they knew (amatonormativity) burn down. together.

no lover - jetty bones

the next few songs are basically just one aro anthem after the next. this is another recommendation from @michaelholdenn - “maybe i don’t need a lover, i just need the friend”

solo - carly rae jepsen

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist. amazing anthem about how it’s okay to be single and how romantic love isn’t as fulfilling as society makes it out to be anyway

trust my lonely - alessia cara

i think in georgia’s case this song can be interpreted as her learning to finally let go of her pre-conceived notions of what love is and what she should want, her learning to “trust her lonely”, though lonely here just means romance-less

love is a town - josh gilligan

“if [romantic] love is a town then i’m passing through" yeah, romance is not for georgia and she’s starting to accept that.

new romantics - taylor swift

the loveless gang is the new romantics !!! they’re redefining love and romance !!!

team - lorde

“and everyone's competing for a love they won't receive / 'cause what this palace wants is release” anyway, let’s go found family song

wild things - alessia cara

now, i don’t know if alessia cara is queer but I DARE YOU to look at the lyrics of wild things and not tell me that this is the ULTIMATE queer anthem about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics. i DARE you. anyway, loveless is also about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics so it’s very fitting

never been in love - will jay

full circle babey !!!!! this is THE aro anthem so obviously i had to add it and comparing the “never been in love / and it’s all good” to the “never been in love / and i fucking hate that i couldn’t make it past a crush” message from the first song we can really reflect georgia’s journey of self-acceptance in loveless which i love a lot

[readbyred]

Character playlist

just ted, sorry

Time in a Bottle - it was Starry’s idea so all credit goes to @stopgettingonmynerves - i think this one is pretty easy to understand. he’s a bitter person, still living in the past which obviously led him to trapping himself and his first crush in a time loop

Sex With A Ghost - strong ted energy. the song is about a person who didn’t move on from a woman he lost. possibly blames themselves as when they think about her they say “even from a distance i can hear her, i try to listen but her whispers make my ears hurt”. her presence never left their life but it’s over. what i like in this song is that it’s not straightfoward. ted isn’t like that and it’s a part as to why this gives me his vibes. it’s full of graphic, sometimes kind of gross lyrics but it’s about yearning and being frustrated, you can hear it in the singer’s voice. i might sound silly now but it just seems to suit him, you know?

The Night We Met - might be a bit too sappy but whet sold me on adding it here was the “ Ihad all and then most of you; Some and now none of you” part, i think. it’s so easy for me to imagine this being 17th of October song. that wasnt their first meeting of course but most of the song still applies. wanting to be purely in love again, nervous and full of hope for the future. but being unable to get back to that you just are stuck in the present with your regrets

Sex - i think i did a pretty good job if 2 songs out of 4 have ‘sex’ in the title,, but anyways it’s an easy song again. a person regualrly sleeps with a woman. she’s cheating on her boyfriend but doesn’t want anything besides sex while the other person uncovers that they wish they could “fill his shoes” but the woman won’t let them

Whistle For The Choir - excuse me while i’ll go off a bit. “ Well it's a big big city and it's always the same” suits hatchetfield both because of the 24h loops that always end timelines and because living there since birth must really showcase how boring of a town it is (if you take out monsters, androids, magic, shady cloning corporations and that one murderous teacher, because most people aren’t really aware of those); second we have “ Can never be too pretty, tell me your name” which sounds exactly like something ted would say to a person he doesn’t know although i’m not so sure if he’d be so smooth, i lost a bit of respect for his methods after TB, you know; and then we hear “ Is it out of line if I was to be bold and say "Would you be mine"?” because fake or not this man sees himself as a bit of a player even if it’s easy to see right though him (at least for us as an audience). i don’t mean to bore you so i’ll wrap it up soon. but look - “ Because I may be a beggar and you may be the queen/I know I may be on a downer I'm still ready to dream/Though it's three o'clock, the time is just the time it takes for you to talk” this also fits because he is surely self depricating enough for the first line, stubborn enough to try with someone anyways and also kind os an impatient jerk,,, and lastly just please read those and i’m done - “ And I must confess, my heart's in broken pieces/And my head's a mess/And it's four in the morning, and I'm walking along/Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong/And it's you, woo hoo, that's got me going crazy for the things you do”

Tongues & Teeth - i’m very tired at this point, it’s kinda CharTed in my opinion. first part comes from ted and second is about him

Mr BrightSide - not only i see him listening to it but it’s kind of about him too, at least i think you can make the lyrics fit his story

[ve1vetyoongi]

lay down your weakness | jhs

pairing: hoseok x reader

genre: smut, angst, fluff here and there

au: bestfriend!hobi, friends to lovers (kind of)

word count: 6.5k

summary: Hoseok had imagined this moment more than enough times. Except in his head it took place somewhere more romantic than the back seat of his car and you always loved him back.

warnings: dom/sub themes, dom!hobi, sub!reader, hoseok is a sweetheart tho, dry humping, fingering, multiple orgasms, size kink, unprotected penetrative sex, semi public sex, possessiveness, but also kinda tender fucking, some dirty talk, creampie, pining and a whole lotta angst (i warned you.)

a/n: this fic is based on the song “howling” by RY X. i hope you enjoy! <3

playlist: visit my playlist page and select “lay down your weakness”. (links to be added later)

When Hoseok's phone vibrated on his night stand at an ungodly hour of the morning, his heavy eyes had widened at the sight of your name lighting up the screen.

He wasn't expecting you to call tonight. You'd texted him nearly eight hours ago -- not that he was counting or anything -- to tell him you were leaving for your date with some guy from one of your classes, even sending him a mirror picture to prove it that made his breath hitch when his eyes glossed over the black dress which hugged your figure just right.

You were always asking if you looked okay. He told you that you looked lovely. Even sent one of the silly little thumbs up emojis, as if to say go get your man like a supportive friend should.

But what he really wanted to say was that you looked perfect in that dress and that you would have no trouble catching Jungkook's eye looking like that. After all you managed to catch Hoseok's eyes in your sweats and one of his over sized jumpers playing games at midnight on his couch.

Except that is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to say to your best friend, so he swallowed the words like he always did.

Anyway, he'd turned in for an early night after that, hoping to get the image of Jungkook's hands stripping you out of that sinful dress out of his mind before it led to even more scandalous images of you without the dress, sat in Jungkook's lap and wishing it were him underneath you. His mind liked to taunt him, saying that it really could have been him if he hadn't left it too long to make a move, falling so deep into the friend zone that he knew there was no way back out.

So receiving a call from you this late at night surprised him to say the least.

Sleepy fingers fumbled to hit the green answer button before you rang off on the other end of the line, the selfie you had forced him to take way back when your hair was long and his hair was blonde that he had set as your contact picture disappearing, quickly replaced by the sounds of your sniffles crackling down the line and suddenly he was upright in bed.

"Can you come pick me up?"

"What happened?"

"Don't wanna talk about it." Another sniffle, Hoseok already throwing a hoodie over his pajamas.

"I'm on my way. Hang tight."

A pang of worry throbbed in his chest as he envisioned you stood shivering somewhere on the side of the road while he hastily shoved his feet into the first pair of shoes he found. Or at least that's what he told himself it was as he started his car, bumping up the heat for when you would slide into the seat next to him.

Because somewhere deep down, he knew the reason he was speeding down city roads at 01:37 as the dashboard clock liked to remind him, was simply because he wanted to be the one to tell you everything was going to be okay. A part of him was even a little glad that things hadn't worked out with Jungkook. And he hated himself for it.

It was like his eyes were alert to you, spotting your hunched figure leaning against a scuffed wall outside some scummy bar before he was even close enough to see the tears streaking your cheeks. You didn't give a little wave like you usually did when he pulled up, no coy smile making his heart do little flips, just that same pang of miserable sympathy in equal measure to his niggling guilt. Instantly he knew that this one was bad.

Still, he leaned across the center console and pushed the door open in a welcoming gesture for you to hop on in like he always did because you said it was gentlemanly and he was a sucker for praise when it came from you.

"Y/N?" He asked simply, expecting a hello or a reassuring smile at the least.

But when you slumped into the passenger seat, bare arms hugging your torso, he was met with nothing but a glum vacant stare.

While you usually seemed to fill the room with your presence, the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed or the way you hummed along to the radio under your breath enough to brighten his mood instantly like a perfect spell. Now you seemed small as you pressed your forehead to the window and watched the blurry orange glow of streetlights pass by with watery eyes.

The funny ache in his chest was back but this time it was an overwhelming longing to reach out and hold you, wipe away the tracks that stained your cheeks. But he feared that if he did you would shatter into a million pieces right in front of him so he tightened his grip on the steering wheel until the veins in his hands strained in the dark and focused his eyes on the road.

Unspoken words were thick in the air. Silence didn't usually bother him, not with you. You spent copious amounts of time in each others quiet company all the time. It was comforting.

Not this, though. Even the hum of the car engine and the click of the indicators seemed deafening. But he knew you well enough to know that pushing you to talk wouldn't make a difference and you'd let him in when you were ready. His job was just to be there when the time came, like a best friend should be.

Hoseok wasn't sure if he was supposed to be dropping you off at your place — honestly the thought of leaving you alone when you were still shaking with muffled sobs made him sick to his stomach — but it didn't feel right to take you back to his apartment either.

So he let the wheels of the car drive a journey every inch of which he had burned to memory, until he was pulling into the far most parking space in a darkened lot, otherwise vacant due to the hour, that overlooked the sea and the little slip of beach beside it.

All concerns were out of the window now. Hoseok didn't care if it was late and he should have been sleeping or that he was going to be tired at work tomorrow. This place was only called upon for special occasions. Or emergencies.

It was your place. Where the two of you came when you received good news or bad news; wanted to laugh or wanted to cry; when it was sunny or when it was raining; when you got your college acceptance letter or the day Hoseok's dog died to name a few.

Hoseok cut the engine, plunging you into complete silence, apart from the tranquil crash of waves which seemed to comfort you somewhat.

If he strained to look over he dashboard he could see the overgrown steps which led down onto the pebbled sand, water beyond it black with the reflection of the cloudy night sky, apart from a slither of moonlight which glistened across its surface.

Hoseok always thought it felt different here at night. Melancholy. You said you liked it better without the bustle of people — it was a popular spot for couples which always made Hoseok burn from the inside out with a yearning to hold your hand like they did — more so now it was just you and him and the rolling waves.

After a few long minutes of watching the tide, you finally permeated the hush with a shaky sigh.

Hoseok wanted to wrap you in his arms there and then like he usually would without hesitation. But something felt different so he refrained. Spoke tentatively instead. "Are you okay?"

You scoffed and he worried he'd said the wrong thing but then again it was the most he'd gotten out of you since you'd left the bar. "I'm pretty shit, actually."

Moonlight highlighted the way you threw your head back against the headrest in self reproach, pressing your knuckles to your eyes but failing to stop the fat tears that slipped out anyway.

Hoseok bit his lip. "Want to talk about it?"

"Turns out the date was just a stupid bet with one of his friends." Your laugh was hollow, shake of your head sorrowful. "We didn't even make it to movies before he was running off with some other girl he met at the bar"

Hoseok's heart shattered. He knew first hand how excited you had been for this stupid date; you'd been blabbing on about it all week. About how much you liked Jungkook. About how much he liked you.

"Fucking bastard." Hoseok gritted, fists clenching as he envisioned all the ways he could fuck up Jungkook's pretty face for making you hurt. "You're better than him, Y/N."

"But I'm not!" A hand slammed on the dashboard, making Hoseok jolt when your voice raised incredulously. "Jungkook was supposed to be the best thing that ever happened to me but he doesn't want me, Hobi. No one ever does."

I want you. The words died on his tongue before they could be spoken, Hoseok sucking in a breath as he mulled over something more appropriate instead.

"Don't be ridiculous," the anger lacing Hoseok's tone made you finally loll your head in his direction, taking in the way he tensed beneath your gaze. "Everybody wants you around here."

It was true, at least in Hoseok's eyes; he had to deal with sleazy men looking you up and down when you danced with him in a strictly PG  fashion on nights out or the campus guys who always interrupted your conversations while you ate lunch together. Even he caught himself staring at you from time to time. Or all the time, actually.

"Then explain why I'm some fraternity joke, Hobi?" Tears were salty on your tongue, voice unnaturally croaky. "Twenty bucks was all I was worth."

Hoseok's hand flew out to squeeze your hand comfortingly before he could think better of it. When you didn't pull away he had to fight to string a sentence together, too caught up in the way your hand felt soft beneath his larger calloused one.

"You're worth so much more than that." His words were laced with a sincerity that made the hurt ache a little less. "Everything. To me."

You sniffed, lacing his fingers with yours and letting the drag of his thumb across your knuckles soothe the ache in your temples from the cheap alcohol at the bar and the tear in your heart.

"Sometimes I think that nobody will ever love me."

The confession lay heavy in the air, nearly making Hoseok choke, or perhaps that was the I LOVE YOU's which were fluttering against his ribs like a bird in a cage.

"You know that's not true." The words were hoarse, Hoseok barely able to think through the blood pounding in his ears when you rested your head on his shoulder. From this angle he could see the rise and fall of your chest, slightly calmer now. The lashes pressed to your cheeks which glistened with a dampness in the dim lighting. And the perfect curve of your lips which he could easily capture between his own if he just cupped your cheek and leaned down a little -- no, definitely not thoughts that you should be having about your best friend, especially not like this. Selfishness won out though as he still could not bare to push you away, pushing his face into your hair instead and chastising himself for savoring the moment.

"I love you." It was barely a whisper against your temple and it should have dissipated on his tongue like the sea foam below but the way you hugged your knees to your chest filled him with an unstoppable desperation to make your hurt go away, even if it would twist the ache in his own heart like the point of a knife.

Your sigh was soft. "Yeah, but not like that."

If only you knew...

A hard swallow, another twist of the knife. "How is it any different?"

You averted your gaze and every second that ticked by in silence made his pulse race. Until you were pulling his face into your hands carefully, eyes zoning in on his parted mouth determinedly and before he could question your intentions his lips were pressed against yours in a hard kiss that made his head spin with a lethal mixture of relief and infatuation.

The plushness of your lips was softer than anything he had ever imagined late at night while you slept in his bed and he slept on the couch. It was barely a delicate brush at first, warm breath mingling with his before your lips were molding to his like you knew them well.

The sour taste of vodka lingered on your tongue as it swiped languidly over his bottom lip and he was silently glad he brushed his teeth before picking you up, never expecting to have his mouth on yours ever let alone tonight of all nights.

You broke away with a gentle pressure on his chest, teeth sinking into his lower lip before letting it go with a barely audible pop. When your eyes fluttered open, Hoseok was stiff, lips slightly more swollen than before and you had to admit he looked good with his hair still tousled from sleep and his chest rising with labored breaths.

"That." You murmured, releasing his hand from yours to swing your leg over his lap, mounting yourself on his thighs and ignoring the way the steering wheel pressed into your back. Hoseok's legs parted instinctively. "You don't love me like that."

Hoseok couldn't help the way his breath hitched when your groin landed in his lap, a red flush creeping up his neck when he felt his own crotch begin to stir at the visual image -- his dreams literally coming true -- squeezing his eyes shut and focusing on his ragged breathing to stop himself filling out his pants and making things awkward between you.

"What are you doing?" It was all but a rasp, tongue snaking out to dampen his lips, head pounding with alarm bells which couldn't quite drown out the desire warming in his chest.

"You said that you love me..." His nod was violent, never an action more truthful. You noticed the way he trembled beneath you when your fingers trailed down the front of his hoodie, testing the waters. "Can I trust you to help me forget?"

He very nearly groaned when he felt your breath ghost hotly across his neck to whisper the insinuation into his ear with what you hoped sounded like confidence, seductiveness but what Hoseok recognised as torment and recklessness.

"You can always trust me." You knew he meant it, though you didn't know it stretched as far as this. Neither did he, usually confident in his own self control but not now, as you leaned down to capture his mouth for the second time and maybe the last for all he knew so why not at least try to enjoy it?

Except before your lips could touch and he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself, Hoseok hesitated.

Deep down he knew that you didn't love him back, that this was the sadness or the alcohol or both talking and that he should tell you to think about if this is what you really wanted and drop you  home instead. But the way you looked at him with a dark intensity, almost pleading, shattered and fragile, made him want to do whatever he could to put you back together. He knew that he could make you feel good, even if it would be a temporary reprieve and it would hurt him more in the long run.

But mostly, Hoseok was a selfish person. It was too tempting to let himself believe you wanted him truly in this moment. He was weak and he couldn't resist.

He leaned in a little closer, your foreheads touching. Dear god, he couldn't fight his thoughts, too enamored with the fact that you were really sat in his lap right now, the smell of the perfume he knew all too well overwhelming his senses.

"Okay." Was what his shaky voice managed to stutter. "If you're sure?"

"I'm sure." It was spoken against the corner of his mouth, your fists tangling in his hoodie and pulling him up to meet your mouth in a kiss more intense than the last that made you fizz with an excitement that dulled the hollowness because he was so so warm, pulling you from the cold water in which you drowned and keeping you afloat in his comforting embrace instead.

You kissed him like you always wanted to be kissed, with an urgency that told him how much you wanted -- needed -- to feel him everywhere, a burning in your lower belly that had you tangling your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, arching into his chest and seeking a further closeness.

It was hot and breathy and the most sensual sensation Hoseok had ever experienced when your tongue pressed against his with an electric curiosity, steeping him in a passion that set him alight, the flesh of his cheeks burning where your lips caressed them and where your exhales tickled his nose.

His hands hovered nervously over your body, not quite sure where they were supposed to go, and when you smirked into the kiss and pressed his hands firmly to your inner thighs, he quickly got to work rubbing circles into the bare skin which peeked out from beneath your dress. Even when a blush crept onto his cheeks as his fingers brushed the edge of your lace panties, making him forget how to move his lips for a second and clashing your teeth together awkwardly.

Hoseok still couldn't quite believe this was really happening and he mentally chastised himself for messing up. This had to be perfect. Something told him there wouldn't be an opportunity for a do over.

You didn't seem to care though, soft laughter tinkling into his mouth as you wrapped your arms around his neck and found his lips again in the darkness like a perfect puzzle piece. The sound was simultaneously the prettiest and the hottest thing he'd ever heard when it faded into a shallow whine when your clothed heat bumped against his hardness lightly.

"Shit, y/n." Even Hoseok couldn't curb the growl that left his throat when you started to grind in circles against his crotch, the agonizingly slow pace not helping the half hard situation he had going on.

By this point your panties were starting to stick to your folds, a lewd wet spot appearing on Hoseok's grey sweats where you tried to gain some friction on your swollen clit which throbbed for attention every time you felt his cock twitch through the fabric.

"You're so hot." He couldn't help it. The real thing was better than any of the ways he imagined you getting off above him when he was alone with his own hand wrapped around his cock.

The husk in his voice went straight to your heat. If the tent in his pants was anything to go by, his own hips stuttering up to meet the pace of your thrusts, Hoseok wanted you and the knowledge was enough to have you clutching at his hoodie strings, hole clenching for him to fill you up  and make you feel whole again. Feel wanted.

Hot palms were kneading the flesh of your ass now, sliding beneath your dress until the fabric was bunched up around your waist. The way Hoseok's eyes widened at your black underwear was cute, distracting you from the reminder that you'd worn them especially for Jungkook. His mouth fell agape when you guided his hand underneath the waistband. "Like them?"

"Love them." He'd seen your underwear a few times before by accident, when you changed at his place and chucked one of his huge hoodies over top of your otherwise bare body, the image burned into his memory enough to get him hot and bothered, mouth dry as he remembered that this time it was a purposeful display, all for him.

The smirk on your lips was wiped away when the feeling of his hand cupping your mound made you whimper, skin on skin much better than the rough friction from his sweats.

Hoseok let out a gasp of his own when the pads of his fingers circled your hole teasingly, surprised to find your arousal already drenching his fingers and making his cock throb painfully against his pants but he wanted this to be about you so he kept his thighs firmly planted to the seat. The idea that it was him who got you so wet was enough to satisfy him anyway. He never thought he, your best friend, could have this sort of effect on you.

"P-please." Impatience was clouding your vision, falling forward to grip the car seat when Hoseok's knuckle dragged your arousal up your slit, brushing briefly across your swollen clit and making you jolt at the electric touch. "Need you so bad, Hobi."

The way you slurred over your words, eyes squeezed shut and chasing the feeling of fullness between your legs made him groan. Even more so the broken way his name escaped your lips, practically begging him to touch you. As much as he would have liked to tease, make you writhe and plead for his fingers, he was too curious to see how fast he could make you fall apart.

The pads of his fingers made quick work of your clit, rubbing fast circles into the bud which made you buck off his lap, head thrown back and exposing the expanse of your neck which Hoseok longed to mark up all nice and pretty and claim as his own but he knew you weren't his so he refrained.

The strangled noise which left you when he slipped his middle finger inside you, promptly followed by a second, nearly tipped him over the edge, clasping the base of his cock through his sweats before he blew his load right then and there at the sheer visual of you using his hand to fuck yourself nice and slow by bracing yourself on the seat behind him.

Not that he could really see much in the dark what with with your panties obscuring your core from view but the lewd squelch as he curled his fingers inside you and the shaky breaths next to his ear punctuated by a string of blissful moans was enough to have him palming himself a little too excitedly, momentarily losing sight of his guilt and succumbing to the moment.

"Mmf, Hoseok gonna cum." The warning only encouraged him more, his wrist snapping at a sinful pace while his thumb toyed with your clit, alternating applying a firm pressure and rubbing it back and forth when he felt it throb deliciously against the pad of his finger.

"Let me see you, baby." There was something about the way he coaxed you through your high, almost commanding as he challenged you to fall over the edge that made the coil in your stomach tighten and suddenly your vision was fading to black and you could barely hear his encouraging but authoritative rasps as your head lolled against the window. "Cum for me, that's it."

He watched with an apt fascination as you came around his fingers, like he'd never seen anything like it before; and it was true, Hoseok was sure you had never looked so pretty and he had never felt so alive as in this moment with you clenching around his fingers, the pretty sighs fogging up the glass all his doing.

The emptiness inside you was back when he slipped out his fingers and wiped them on his hoodie, careful not to stain you with any of your arousal when he wrapped you in his arms, hearts beating in time now.

You stayed like that for a few moments. Him rubbing soothing circles into your back and trying to comprehend what just happened, nerves kicking in at your silence. You breathing in the scent of his woody cologne as your breathing softened.

"Are you okay?" He finally whispered, unable to stop his thumb from tracing your bottom lip when you sat back to look at him, wide eyed and still shaking from the come down of your orgasm.

"Mhm." Your nod was tentative, a funny warmth spreading across your chest at the way his eyes lit up, giving away the grin he was biting his cheek to suppress. "Remind me again why we haven't done this before?"

He stiffened. Because this means more to me than you will ever know...

The tension creeping into the cracks between your bodies made you shift, surprised when you brushed over something which made Hoseok groan.

Adrenaline made you flush as you reached between your legs to grip him through his pants curiously.

"You're still hard." You bit your lip. It drove him crazy.

"Don't worry about me." His laugh was breathy but it faltered when you squeezed his length over the fabric. "I-I'm fine like this."

His cock felt huge in your grip and another bout of lust pooled in your stomach when you realised that you could just slide your panties to the side, loosen the strings of his sweats and easily ride him right there, sure that his girth would stretch you out just how you liked it. And maybe, just maybe, fill the emptiness for good.

"Wanna feel you, though. All of you." Hoseok felt himself melt at the pout on your lips, putty in your hands. Whatever you wanted he'd let you do it. Even if you still weren't his, he knew in that moment that he was irrevocably yours. "Please?"

Your hands found his waistband and he gripped your wrists firmly. You silently wondered what it would be like if he pinned them above your head and had his way with you. But then you caught his concerned expression.

"Are you sure about this? Once we do this we can't go back."

Hoseok still didn't let go after you gave an affirming nod, wanting verbal consent. "I want you, Hoseok."

You could tell that broke him by the fucked out look on his face.

Weak. He was weak when it came to you. And, as he was learning, weak for the way you shimmied his sweats around his thighs and whimpered when his girthy length slapped against the expanse of toned stomach which peeked from below his hoodie. You'd always expected him to be big, the one time you caught him sneaking out of bed after one of your movie nights with a loud and proud boner confirmation enough. But the real thing made you burn with a hunger to sink onto his already leaking cock.

Your small palm was cold when it finally wrapped around his throbbing cock, the sensation a euphoric relief from both the neglect and the years of lusting after this moment. He threw his arm over his eyes, losing himself to the sensation and letting his hips buck into your touch.

Now he was actually here he couldn't think of anything other than the slow slide of your palm down his length, how he wanted to husk that his cock was made for your hand but he knew it wasn't true so he pressed his lips together and listened to the sharp huffs of air which pushed through his nose with every twist of your palm around his engorged head.

"Wait!" Hoseok lurched forward suddenly, fingers digging into your shoulder, face buried and panting in your chest. "Gonna blow my load if you keep that up."

"You don't want to?"

Strands of his hair stuck to his damp forehead and he shook them out of his eyes. His sudden grip on your hips was bruising as he pulled you down into his lap, breath hot against your neck. "Wanna see you fall apart on my cock first."

Hoseok had no idea were the sudden surge of confidence came from. The hormones perhaps or maybe he was just like any other guy, losing himself once he got a hand around his cock. It definitely shouldn't have been the fact that he had his best friend, the girl of his dreams, in his lap and his head was swimming with thoughts of how right this felt even though it was supposed to be so wrong.

"Oh. O-okay." Your core was pulsing again, the authority in Hoseok's voice different from how you were used to. You were quickly realizing you liked the way he smirked when you writhed at his words and braced yourself on his shoulders to pull your panties to the side, ready to just sink down onto his cock then and there.

"Don't." It was firm, commanding. Made you shiver. "Back seat. Now."

You obeyed, practically throwing yourself through the gap in the seats with anticipation, missing Hoseok's warmth during your brief separation until he was hovering over you with a hunger in his eyes that took your breath away. Like he wanted to devour you completely. If he'd asked, you would have let him.

"T-take this off." You mumbled, tugging at the bottom of his hoodie which he pulled over his head with his t-shirt in tow. Hands instantly trailed up his chest, taking in the slight firmness of his shoulders in the dark, not quite remembering when your best friend gotten this broad. There was a pang in your chest. It felt safe here with him, like nothing was wrong with his strong form hovering over you.

By the time he was throwing the pile of fabric in the front seat you were working on your panties, Hoseok's eyes darkening with lust as he watched you kick them off and slide the thin straps of your dress down your arms.

The night air was cool against your nipples, making you gasp. It was a small bliss but you were thankful you didn't wear a bra when Hoseok's bare chest pressed against you skin on skin, instantly warming you.

The drum in Hoseok's chest intensified when he took in your bareness for the first time. His imagination had done no justice. He wanted to commit every inch of you to memory; the perfect swell of your breasts, each soft rise and fall of your chest, soft thighs squeezing around his waist as he gripped the flesh of your ass with a roughness he could no longer curb. Skin warm and flushed and shivering lightly with every delicate touch of his fingers, hair fanned out on the seat like a halo.

Hoseok wanted to say that you were perfect, that he felt like the luckiest man on the planet right now with you laughing at him breathily from where you hid self consciously behind your fingers, a shyness he didn't understand when you looked like this.

He wanted to say that he loved you. To open the car window and scream it into the salty air so that every crashing wave and every grain of sand and every droplet of rain which had started to best down on the car knew it.

But the words wouldn't come so he simply placed a careful kiss to your cheek, roaming downwards and mumbling against your jaw. "Don't hide from me."

The dip of your collar bones proved too enticing to resist, his lips attacking the slightly damp skin and sucking harshly until you were left with a plethora of purple bruises across your neck, the way his teeth grazed your flesh and his tongue laved the burn making your core ache. It was passionate and hungry but somehow tender, as if he wanted to worship every inch of you.

"Hoseok!" You gasped when he found the sweet spot behind your ear as easily as if he had done it a million times before. Like he knew it was there. "What are you doing?"

"Mine." The single word was growled against your jaw line as Hoseok pressed a series of kisses up to your chin, skipping your lips when they parted in waiting in favor of leaving another pretty bruise on the opposite side of your neck. "You hear me? All mine."

Maybe you were lost to the moment or maybe Hoseok's possessive side was the reason your heart started to race, moaning unabashedly now. "Y-yours! I'm yours."

Hoseok couldn't tell if the words went straight to his heart or to his rock hard cock.

Something inside him snapped and he just couldn't hold back any longer, hands running up and down your sides as he kissed down to your breasts, taking a nipple into the heat of his mouth and smirking when you arched into the touch. "Look at you, getting all worked up from just my mouth."

Hands spread your legs roughly and you were at his mercy, enjoying the way he hummed in admiration at your glistening folds.

"All for you." You breathed, believing your words wholeheartedly.

Hoseok's fingers found your sticky clit, stroking with his fingertips lightly. "All for me." He flushed with pride.

"Please fuck me now."

The words he'd always imagined spilling from your lips, breathier in real life he noted. It made him wonder how the other three more sentimental words he wanted to hear would sound.

"Since you asked so nicely." Nerves wracked Hoseok's frame when he realised that this was actually happening, hands shaking as he gripped the base of his cock to line it up with your clenching entrance.

When he finally pushed inside, your warmth swallowing his cock until his hips were flush to yours, it felt like you were finally whole.

The stretch burned, but it soon faded to something close to bliss as you felt every inch of his cock drag against your velvety walls, the head hitting so deep inside you that each thrust took your breath away. It grazed your sweet spot just right, like your bodies were made for one another.

Hoseok didn't give you much time to adjust, wanting to see the way your face twisted with every thrust. Wanting to see how quickly his cock could reduce you to a fucked out mess. "Bet he couldn't fuck you like this."

"W-What?"

"Jungkook." Hoseok licked his lips, trying not to cum when his words made you clench around his sensitive cock. "You were made to take my cock."

"Fuck, Hoseok."

You followed his gaze to where his length slipped out of you, glistening with your arousal, Hoseok running the head through your slit to nudge your clit before it was disappearing into your entrance again. "Look at you, taking my cock so well, hm?"

"Yours." Tears sprung at the corners of your eyes, overwhelmed by the fullness and his sinful mouth. "Only yours."

"Bet he feels so fucking stupid for missing his chance to feel this pretty pussy."

Arms wrapped around his neck, fingers cupping his face and slotting your lips together. Your eyes were shut and it was almost instinctive — did he lean in or did you? — expressing how much you wanted him and how good he was making you feel with a long press to his puckered mouth that felt like rain on a hot summer evening, water breaking a dam. Relief. Like falling into one another's skin.

And every time your hips met skin on skin and you sighed into his mouth, Hoseok felt his heart swell. Even with the expletives slipping past his lips every now and again, he fucked you with a fondness that consumed every inch of his being, one which he felt when he saw you from across the room or when you turned up at his door unexpectedly in the middle of the night.

Love. He hoped you could feel it with every roll of his hips because he couldn't make the words come out.

Then you were reaching a second high, eyes rolling back and soft mewls of overstimulation caressing his ears as you clenched impossibly tight around him and he fell over the edge alongside you, face falling into the crook of your neck as he coated your walls.

In the few moments after, with you pulling him close and his chest pressed to yours, he could feel your erratic heart beat against his skin; and Hoseok swore the final pieces of his own heart fluttered straight out of his chest and into your palms.

Just you, him, and the rolling waves that swelled and crashed achingly in time with every pump of his heart.

But all good things have to end eventually. It was late. You were tired. He had work in the morning. You weren't in love.

There were tissues in the glove box and he helped you clean up, pulling his hoodie over your head when you started to shiver. If you closed your eyes and breathed in his scent it was like his arms were still around you. Hoseok never complained when his own arms prickled with a chill at the loss of your warm body pressed to his.

Then your head was on his shoulder again, both arms wrapped around his waist as you gazed off across the ocean, breathing soft with a hazy smile resting on your lips. The you he was used to back somewhat, if he ignored how much better he knew you now than ever before.

"I love you, you know." Hoseok sounded choked. He didn't mean to.

"I know." A few beats of silence. "Thank you. For making me feel better."

His inhale was shaky as he brushed a few strands of hair from your face, unable to stop the corners of his lips turning up when you glanced up at him through your lashes even despite the hollowness in his chest. "How about I take you to see that movie instead, huh?"

"I'd like that."

And for a blissful moment Hoseok thought that things might be different now.

He clung to that maybe for the short drive home and while he carried your sleeping form into your apartment, letting himself in with the spare key he kept on his keychain and when he tucked you into bed with your shoes placed neatly beside the door.

He believed it even harder when you gave him a sleepy kiss goodbye.

And even when you sent him a mirror picture nearly a week later and he said you looked lovely like he always did while he hoped and he hoped that your date with Park Jimin would be as disastrous as the last, he maintained a slither of hope.

Because one thing would never be different: Hoseok was weak when it came to you.

[prettyboy-parker]

i’ll be waiting for you in san junipero (but only if you want me to)

if you haven’t seen the black mirror episode, read on AO3 for a short introduction. if you have, continue!

words: 6.5k

warnings: nff, drinking, smoking, terminal illness, past stony, character death (not detailed), and semi-public sex

spotify playlist

1987

Pink and purple light floods over the hot mass of bodies in the center of the club, shouts of laughter filling the stuffy air. Bananarama’s one-hit-wonder “Venus” blares from the speakers, the bass giving the club its own heartbeat. The flashing Tucker’s sign makes Peter flinch as he slips inside. Someone blows cigarette smoke into the open, which makes him cough and wave the smoke away.

“S’cuse me,” He squeaks, pushing past a preppy-dressed man talking lowly to a bubble gum popping woman. They both look up at him in annoyance before turning back to their conversation. Peter grimaces and wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans. He weaves his way around the people mulling about and slips over to the bar.

The bartender doesn’t see him at first, too busy fixing a drink for another patron. But the blonde eventually notices him, and Peter gives him a shy smile.

“What can I get for you?” The man asks, his smile tight. There’s a tired lilt to his voice, and Peter nearly feels bad for him. 

“Um, just a Coke, please,” He squeaks, nervously resting his hands on the bar counter. He yanks them away right after, settling on hanging them by his sides.

“Just a Coke? Not like, a rum and Coke?” The bartender asks; his face twisted sourly.

“Just a Coke,” Peter repeats with a nod. The man grimaces and pulls out a chilled glass of Coca Cola.

“Thanks,” Peter says, but the bartender is already out of earshot.

“Fuck off, dude! I sucked you off last week!”

Peter’s heart jumps and he spins around, pressing his back against the wood of the bar.

A man is heading towards him, and he’s moving very quickly.

He has a disgruntled look on his face, and his big brown eyes are narrowed in annoyance. Peter feels the moisture leaves his mouth when he sees the man’s sharp collarbones peeking out from the collar of his printed shirt. The man stops short next to Peter and slings his arm around the shorter’s shoulders.

“Pretend like you know me,” The man murmurs into Peter’s ear, sending shivers down the boy’s spine.

“Tony! What are we, kindergarteners? Talk to me!”

Another man, a little younger (yet taller) than Tony, emerges from the crowd of people.

“Leave me alone, Stephen. I don’t do seconds.” Tony grumbles, rolling his eyes. His arm is heavy on Peter’s shoulders, and the brunette is woozy at the feeling of Tony’s side pressed against his.

“You don’t do seconds?” Stephen scoffs, stopping in front of the two. “I think Maya would beg to differ.”

Peter can feel Tony tense up against him.

“Go away, Stephen. I’m trying to have a conversation,” The man spits, tucking his free hand in the back pocket of his jeans. Stephen looks at Peter warily.

“Oh, really? Or are you just looking for another fuck?”

Peter can feel heat creep onto his cheeks.  Tony throws his head back and laughs.

“Fuck off. He’s an old friend from college,” Tony tells Stephen, giving Peter a pat on the bicep. Stephen looks like he doesn’t believe a word that came out of Tony’s mouth, but he still walks away with a huff.

“Jesus, a guy can never get a break around here,” Tony mutters angrily, slipping his arm off of Peter’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry he was being an ass,” Peter says softly, anxiously rocking on his heels. Tony shrugs.

“I can’t blame him. Who wouldn’t want piece of this?” Tony jokes, a goofy smile on his face as he gestures to himself. Peter chuckles and shakes his head.

“Anyways, I’m Tony,” The other man says, sticking out his hand. Peter takes it and gives it a loose shake. “And you are?”

“Peter,” The brunette replies before dropping Tony’s hand.

“ Peter ,” He repeats, and Peter melts at the sound of his name coming from those plump lips. Tony’s eyes flick down to his glass.

“Rum and Coke?” He asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“Just a Coke,” Peter says bashfully. Tony gives him a funny look, but still smiles.

“You’re cute,” He purrs, voice quiet under the music of the club. Peter’s stomach churns and he lets out a breathy laugh. The smaller man puts his drink on the counter. “Let’s dance. You wanna dance?”

“Oh, I don’t-“

Tony grabs his hand before he can finish and pulls him into the throng of dancing people. Peter yelps in surprise, but allows the man to whisk him away. Tony’s hand is warm and a little bit sweaty, yet Peter doesn’t mind.

“I love this song!” Tony shouts when “She Blinded Me With Science” by Thomas Dolby plays from the speakers. The crowd cheers and Tony grabs Peter’s other hand.

It's poetry in motion

She turned her tender eyes to me

As deep as any ocean

As sweet as any harmony

Tony sways his hips back and forth in time with the music. Peter laughs softly, standing stiffly.

“Come on, loosen up!” Tony tells him, grinning wildly. Peter tries to sway his body like Tony, but he just feels stupid. The other man doesn’t seem to notice, because he moves closer to Peter.

Mm, but she blinded me with science

She blinded me with science

And failed me in biology, yeh yeh

“There you go! Don’t ever say you can’t dance,” Tony yells over the music, running his tongue over his bottom lip. A giggle bubbles from Peter’s throat.

Now uh, huh huh

When I'm dancing close to her

Blinding me with science, science

Science

“I think we should go get some air,” Peter calls out, swinging him and Tony’s hands side to side. “It’s really hot!”

Tony finds that funny and laughs. As the song comes to an end, the two weave their way back through the crowd. Tony steers him past the arcade machines and to the peeling back door.

“Fuck, it’s like an oven in there,” Tony groans once they get outside, the door shutting behind him with a heavy thud. Peter watches him slip a cigarette and a lighter out of his back pocket.

“Yeah, I didn’t expect it to be so hot in there,” Peter says, leaning against the brick wall of the club. Tony places the end of the cigarette in his mouth.

“Expect?” Tony asks, giving him a funny look. “Is this your first time here?”

Peter avoids Tony’s gaze and looks at his Vans.

“Yup,” He murmurs, awkwardly fiddling with his belt. Tony reaches out and encases Peter’s wrist with his fingers. The brunette holds his breath as Tony runs his thumb over his wrist.

“How about we head to mine?”

Peter’s heart stops in his chest.

And then, he yanks his hand away.

“No!” He exclaims, but immediately regrets it when he sees the look on Tony’s face. “I mean, I would, but-“

“Hey, don’t sweat it.” Tony says coolly. He flicks the lighter and brings the flame to his lips. “It’s almost midnight, anyways.”

***

One Week Later- 1987

Dark hair. Dark eyes. Bright smile. Honey-smooth voice.

Peter scans the crowd for Tony, eyes flicking over the sweaty bodies. He doesn’t see him right away, and he can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Tony has been on Peter’s mind all week since their first meeting. Over much thinking (and internal bickering), he’s decided to find Tony again.

He hasn’t fucked anyone since his 20’s, okay?

San Junipero is advertised as a getaway, a place where you can do whatever you want-without repercussion. He would have waited to get to know Tony more before even kissing him, but Peter quickly learned that’s not how they roll here.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he shuffles around the edge of the dance floor. Half of him wants to run and find somewhere on the beach to sit and mull, but the other half yearns to find Tony.

And there he is.

Peter stops in his tracks, right next to the cluster of arcade games. He spots Tony nestled on one of the pink vinyl seats, looking bored as a girl with big hair talks to him. He looks good, his hair slicked back and a cherry red letterman jacket wrapped around his broad frame.

Tony looks up.

Peter’s breath catches in his throat when their eyes meet. Tony’s doe eyes go wide, and Peter gives him a shy wave. The older man says something to the girl next to him before getting up and weaving his way around the crowd.

There’s a small smirk on Tony’s face when he approaches Peter.

“I’ve changed my mind,” The smaller man says. “I-I want you.”

Tony grins like the cat that got the cream.

“I knew it,” He murmurs, stepping closer to Peter. He reaches out and gently brushes Peter’s bicep with his hand. “Everyone gets the first day jitters.”

Peter laughs, but his heart pounds against his rib cage. Are there the second day jitters, too? Tony shuffles a little closer and wraps one arm around his waist.

“I’ve got a little place next to the ocean. You ready to go?”

Poor old Johnny Ray

Sounded sad upon the radio

But he moved a million hearts in mono

Our mothers cried, sang along, who'd blame them

Peter smiles as the wind tousles his curls, glancing over to Tony. The older man winks and revs the engine of his Mustang. ( “1983 Ford Mustang Convertible, baby. The best out there,” Tony had said, but Peter was too lost in his eyes.)

“Almost there, sugar!” Tony shouts over the wind, taking a particularly sharp left. Peter shrieks as they lean to the side.

You're grown (so grown up)

So grown (so grown up)

Now I must say more than ever

(Come on, Eileen)

Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye

And we can sing just like our fathers

“Holy shit, be careful!” Peter yells, but there’s no fear in his voice. Tony laughs, loud and bright and warm . He reaches to the side and tucks his hand over Peter’s thigh.

Come on, Eileen, oh I swear (what he means)

At this moment, you mean everything

You in that dress, my thoughts I confess

Verge on dirty

Ah, come on, Eileen

Tony eventually slows his speed when they reach the beach, passing the clumps of twirling sea grass and sand dunes.

His house is very cute.

It reminds him of the old beach house they would rent on the shores of Long Island, a desperate attempt at a picture perfect vacation while his mother was dying. The house is a watered down blue color, weathered from the sun and the sand. There’s no decorations, no plastic flamingoes, no welcome mat. But it’s cute.

“Home sweet home,”  Tony sings once he shuts off the car. Peter laughs softly before unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Oh, you might want to take your shoes off now. The sand can be a bitch.”

“True,” Peter replies, undoing the laces of his sneakers with shaky hands. Tony does the same, then swings open the car door. Peter tucks his socks into his shoes and climbs out the car. The sand feels nice between his toes; soft and smooth.

Peter follows Tony into his house, glancing over his shoulder when they clamber up the porch steps. The city glows behind them, tiny lights dotting the landscape.

“Slow poke!” Tony laughs, snapping Peter out of his thoughts. He wraps his hands around the younger’s waist and pulls him inside. Tony kicks the door closed and Peter drops his shoes on the ground. With a flash of bravery, he rests his hands on Tony’s chest. The older man lets out a breath, and their lips are so close that the air hits Peter’s.

“I wanna kiss you,” Peter blurts, leaning closer into Tony’s touch. The corner of the man‘s mouth twitches.

“Then kiss me.”

Peter presses his lips to Tony’s. He does it a little too forcefully, too enthusiastically, because Tony stumbles backwards. He regains his footing though, and kisses back happily. Peter squeaks when Tony squeezes his ass.

“ Tony ,” Peter breathes as Tony moves his wet lips down his cheek and to his jaw.

“I’ve been thinking about getting my hands on you,” Tony grumbles against his warm skin. The feeling of his teeth makes Peter shudder. “When I saw you at the bar, I needed to get you in my bed.”

Peter lets out a shaky moan at Tony’s words, hips stuttering when he sucks a bruise onto his neck. Peter can feel the hard outline of Tony’s dick against his thigh.

“S-Speaking of that bed,” The smaller man stutters, tangling his fingers in Tony’s hair.

“Right over there,” He replies, gently grabbing Peter’s hands and removing them from his hair. The brunette giggles as Tony guides him to the bed, the bed that’s, for some reason, pushed against the living room windows. When Tony sees the look on his face, he smirks.

“I like everything in one room, baby. Except the toilet.” He explains while he gets Peter onto the bed. Peter laughs and kisses Tony again, letting the older man push him so he’s lying down. The pressure of his crotch against Peter’s makes the younger man moan against Tony’s lips. He tries to grind upwards, searching for relief against his aching cock.

“Get this fuckin-this shirt off,” Tony growls, yanking at the hem of Peter’s shirt and pulling it over his head. Tony sits upwards, shucks off his jacket, and takes off his own shirt, throwing it onto the ground. Peter’s mouth goes dry as he eyes the trail of dark hair that leads to Tony’s... yeah . Peter reaches out and touches his navel.

“Ngh, fuck,” Tony groans, hurriedly unbuckling his belt and pulling it from the loops. Peter’s chest heaves as he undoes his belt. Tony rolls to the side, unfortunately off of Peter, and starts to take off his shoes. Peter shimmies out of his jeans awkwardly, whimpering when his hand brushes over his rock hard cock. 

“Pete,” Tony breathes after he takes off his jeans.

Peter pulls Tony into a kiss by his neck. The older man groans and cups both of Peter’s cheeks. The brunette reaches down and gently squeezes Tony’s dick through his cotton boxers.

“Shit!” He hisses, and in a sudden move he pulls Peter’s boxers down his pale thighs. Peter sighs when his cock is finally freed, bobbing in the cool air. It’s still the same smaller-than-average size as real life, unfortunately. But Tony’s cock is big, thick and veined and leaking precum.

“Look at you,” Tony coos, wrapping his tan fingers around Peter’s length. He lets out a high pitched whine at the friction and slick sound. “All this for me?”

“ Y-yes ,” Peter pants, tangling his fingers in the sheets. Tony shuffles closer so his own cock is lined up against Peter’s. The sight is absolutely filthy.

“I hate to admit it, but I’m really close,” Tony groans, beginning to stroke both himself and Peter at the same time. Peter’s hips jerk upwards, making his cock rub against Tony’s

“ Tony ,”  Peter cries, falling forward and mouthing at the older man’s neck. For the next couple of moments, the sounds of grunts and moans fill the room. The up and down motion of Tony’s hand makes Peter’s gut curl, and before he knows it-

“Fuck!” Peter shouts as his balls tighten and he spills his release over Tony’s hand. Tony breathing picks up as he nears his climax, using Peter’s cum to slick his own cock. With a loud moan, Tony reaches his orgasm.

“Baby,” Tony mumbles once he catches his breath. Peter lets out a breathy laugh as Tony flops down on the bed. The younger man does the same, lying so close that their noses almost touch. Tony smiles, and the way his gorgeous eyes crinkle make Peter feel all warm and fuzzy.

“That was- s’really good,” He slurs, reaching out and barely grazing Tony’s cheek with his fingertips. His skin is warm, flushed a sweet pink.

“Damn right it was,” Tony laughs, wrapping his clean arm around Peter’s waist. “Do y’know what time it is? I cant remember when we left the bar.”

“It’s almost-“

Peter jolts upwards, the gentle beep of the monitor filling his ears.

“Midnight.”

*** Another Week Later- 1990

Strike a pose

Strike a pose

(Vogue, vogue, vogue)

(Vogue, vogue, vogue)

Peter awkwardly tucks his hands into the pockets of his overalls, breathing heavy from his trek around the club. He’s looked everywhere and he just can’t find Tony. He knows he’s being clingy and weird, but Tony has been constantly on his mind.

Look around, everywhere you turn is heartache

It's everywhere that you go (look around)

You try everything you can to escape

The pain of life that you know (life that you know)

Peter spots the man from a few weeks ago standing by the bar. What was him name again? Stefan? Steven?

Stephen!

Peter, although a little too enthusiastically, rushes down the small set of steps to the tall man. He doesn’t look up right away, of course, but he does when Peter calls out his name.

“Do I know you?” Stephen grunts, narrowing his ice blue eyes. Peter smiles warily.

“Have you seen Tony?” He asks, chewing on his bottom lip.

“No,” Stephen replies, a sour look on his face. He takes a sip of his beer. “You too, huh?”

Peter feels his stomach lurch.

“I-I don’t know. I guess I’ll go now,” He mutters. Stephen raises his hand.

“Try looking somewhere else. ‘02. Mid 70’s. Good luck.”

Come on, vogue

Let your body move to the music (move to the music)

Hey, hey, hey

Come on, vogue

Let your body go with the flow (go with the flow)

You know you can do it

***

One Week Later- 1978

“Holy smokes, you are so good at this!”

Peter smiles and jiggles the joystick of the Space Invaders machine. The girl, Betty, is leaning over his shoulder, watching the screen intently. He’s nearly at 2000 points, but with one rogue alien his last life is taken. He throws his head back and groans. Betty shrieks and grabs Peter’s shoulders.

“Come on Pete, let’s go dance! ABBA is my absolute favorite,” She giggles, spinning Peter around. The brunette opens his mouth to respond, but he spots who’s standing at the Asteroids machine.

“Um, I actually-I’m sorry Betty. There’s someone I need to talk to. I’ll see you around?” Peter stutters, and the blonde’s face falls flat.

“Okay. Maybe 2005?”

Peter smiles and Betty rushes off.

“Tony. I know you know I’m here,” Peter says once it’s just him and Tony in the arcade corner. The game makes a sad beep as he slams on the machine. Peter flinches. “Talk to me. Why are you avoiding me?”

Tony turns around, arms crossed.

“Calm down.” He grunts, avoiding Peter’s gaze.

“Tony! Why?” Peter pleads, taking a step closer to the other man. Tony awkwardly shifts on his feet.

“I need change,” He explains; his face stony.

“Change my ass!” Peter nearly shouts. He doesn’t want to draw attention to himself, but it’s hard not to. “You’re hiding from me.”

“I don’t owe you shit , Peter.” Tony growls, finally snapping. Peter flinches in surprise. His tone makes the younger’s throat tighten.

“Now leave me alone,” Tony grumbles, running off into the crowd. Peter’s stomach drops to his toes, but he rushes after Tony. He keeps the man’s dark hair in view as he pushes past patron after patron, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he reaches the front door.

“Tony!” Peter cries once both of them are outside. He runs forward and grabs Tony’s thin wrist.

“Peter, stop it,” Tony says softly, resting his hand on Peter’s bicep. “I’m not here to fall in love.”

“Then what are you here for?” Peter asks, placing his free hand on Tony’s chest. “Why are you trying to fuckin’ fight this?”

“Because I’m not staying here,” Tony explains. “Once I’m gone, I’m gone. Screw this place. I like you, Peter. I really do. But this place-“ He looks around at the buildings on the street. “It’s not fair. Morgan-my daughter, my babygirl-she didn’t get this. It was cancer. She was 30. And my husband didn’t want this either. He was the light of my life, you know. A big blonde oaf. It wasn’t fair to take something Morgan didn’t have. So why should I?”

Peter’s breath catches in his throat.

“Oh Tony,” He mutters, and without thinking, he presses his lips to the other’s. Tony kisses back immediately, slipping his hand onto Peter’s cheek. The smaller man leans into Tony’s touch. Suddenly, a soft beep emerges from between them.

“Fuck,” Tony utters once they pull apart, lips slick and shiny with spit. “There’s 3 minutes until midnight.”

Peter doesn’t respond.

“Okay, um, next week. Meet me at the Quagmire,” Tony says hurriedly. Peter looks at him, confused. “It’s a club. Well, sort of. Just ask around and you’ll find it. How about 1987?”

“Yeah,” Peter whispers, “See you then.”

***

Next Week- 1987

In the middle of nowhere sits the broken down building of the Quagmire. The rows of motorcycles and smoke billowing out of the club tell him all he needs to know about the place. He quickly changes his outfit (one of the technological perks of San Junipero) to a more fitting look: a loose red t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and good old-fashioned Doc Martens. He feels awkward; he’s dressed like the guys he used to jack off to.

His boots crunch on the gravel as he walks up to the front doors, which are swung wide open. He can hear the faint thump of the music from above, as the only thing on the first floor is a staircase and a man slumped in the corner. Peter grimaces, and without touching the handrail, he walks up the stairs. The music gets louder and the smell of weed gets more potent. There’s a few people mulling around in the hallway leading to the main room. A guy with black-rimmed eyes blows smoke up into the air and a girl with a fucking snake around her shoulders winks at him. He gives her a weak smile and steps into the crowd.

There’s cages hanging from the ceiling with pierced girls in them and everyone’s in leather. It feels like the place Harry would always try to get him to go to back when they were in college.

He never went.

Instead of dancing, the people around him are grinding and kissing each other. It’s awkward and Peter’s too caught up in the mess of people to focus on where’s he going; he runs into a very hard body.

“Woah there, sugar,” The man purrs as Peter stumbles backward. He opens his mouth to respond, but no sound comes out. The man is gorgeous, with a perfect smile, sharp jaw, scruffy beard, and loose strands of long brown hair that frame his pretty face.

“I’m so sorry,” Peter stammers, feeling trapped in the low light of the club. The man laughs and claps him on the shoulder.

“Don’t sweat it, kid,” He grumbles, taking a swig of his beer.

“Pete!”

Peter jumps and whips his head around, catching an eyeful of a grinning Tony. His steps are wobbly as  he walks over to Peter, slinging his arm around the younger’s shoulders. Peter can smell alcohol on Tony’s breath, hinting that he’s turned his pain meter down, leaving him vulnerable to the effects of liquor.

“Is this your new boy toy, Stark?” The man opposite them drawls. His comment makes Peter flush.

“Shut the hell up, Barnes,” Tony laughs, pulling Peter closer to his side. “I take it you met my friend ?”

Peter won’t lie, the word stings. But no one seems to notice, because Barnes just scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“I did not, mind you,” He says before turning to Peter. “I’m Bucky. What’s your name, doll?”

Peter preens at the pet name.

“Peter,” He replies, his hand gently brushing against Tony’s jeans. He feels good like this, he feels like they look good together . “It’s my first time here-fifth time in San Junipero.”

Bucky nods with a soft ‘ah.’

“I see you’ve already gotten caught up with Anthony. Can’t blame you, honestly. He’s a real catch,” He drawls, tucking his free hand into his back pocket. “Well, I’ll leave you alone. My husband’s lookin’ for me.”

Bucky disappears into he crowd.

“Finally, some alone time,” Tony groans, nudging Peter’s chestnut curls with his nose.

“Alone? You think this is alone?” Peter scoffs, pressing his cheek to Tony’s leather jacket. “We’re packed between people right now.”

Tony laughs loud enough that Peter can hear him clearly over the pounding rock music.

“Let’s dance, baby!” He shouts, ignoring the question. Peter giggles and lets Tony shove people out of the way to get on the dance floor. He wraps his arms around Peter’s torso and tucks his face in the crook of the younger’s neck. Peter’s breath hitches as Tony nips at the skin of his neck.

“You’re a good dancer,” He slurs, jerking his hips against Peter’s ass. The brunette’s face is on fire as Tony sways him back and forth to the beat of the music. Peter can feel himself start to chub up in his jeans, much to his embarrassment.

“ Tony ,” He groans, but he doesn’t think he can be heard over the music. Tony continues to rock his crotch against his backside, muttering sweet nothings into his ear. Peter can feel how hard the older man is, and his blood boils at the fact that he did this to him. They stay there for a while, swaying and grinding on each other. The rest of the room becomes a blur as they stand there, intertwined.

“Come to the bathroom with me,” Tony mutters in Peter’s ear; his fingers grazing over the heated skin of the younger’s stomach. “I want your mouth on me.”

A pathetic whine escapes Peter’s lips, and he nods. Tony swerves him around the metalhead party-goers and into a poorly-lit hallway. A couple is making out against the peeling wall,  and Peter keeps his eyes down as Tony leads him into the men’s bathroom.

“Holy shit, I’m so fuckin’ hard,” Tony grunts, fumbling with the handle of one of the stalls. The door swings open with a clang, and Tony ushers him into the stall. Without being prompted, Peter falls to his knees and squeezes Tony’s bulge through his jeans. The older man’s eyes flutter shut and he sighs softly. With nimble fingers, Peter undoes the metal of his belt and tucks his cock out of his jeans. It’s rock hard already, flushed red and leaking. Tentatively, Peter flicks his tongue over the head of his cock. Tony groans, tangling his fingers through Peter’s curls. The younger boy slips his lips around the head, using his tongue to massage under it. A litany of curses falls from Tony’s lips as Peter takes more of his member into his mouth. The stretch makes Peter’s dick jump in his jeans. A spurt of precum leaks onto his tongue, the salty taste making his stomach churn. Peter reaches up and cups Tony’s heavy balls in the palm of his hand. He shouts and yanks Peter’s hair, giving the boy more encouragement to keep sucking. He can’t go too deep, he hasn’t done this much before, but he makes up his lack of experience with enthusiasm. As he lavishes Tony’s cock, the sound of the bathroom door opening makes him freeze.

Tony bites his fist as he cums in Peter’s mouth.

Peter swallows all his release as quietly as he can, tucking the man’s cock back into his boxers and pulling up his jeans. Tony’s chest heaves as he comes down from the high of his climax. Peter’s still unbelievably hard, and he stands up on shaky legs. Tony pulls the boy into his arms and slips his thigh between his legs. Peter moans into Tony’s shirt at the pressure against his crotch.

“Hump my thigh,” Tony growls into Peter’s ear as the other patron flushes the toilet. Peter whines and curls the older man’s shirt in his hands. He does as he’s told, desperately grinding down onto Tony. With his soft words of encouragement, Peter cums in his pants.

“ Tony ,” The brunette cries once the other man leaves the restroom, resting his head against Tony’s chest.

He strokes Peter’s curls and presses a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m so fuckin’ stupid,” Tony grumbles. “You’re gorgeous. And right here in front of me.”

Peter looks up at Tony, confused.

“You’re babbling, handsome,” He mutters, reaching upwards and tracing Tony’s lips with his finger.

“Let me see you,” Tony grumbles, resting his hands on Peter’s hips. “Let me see you in person.”

Peter’s heart skips a beat.

“You could live across the country,” He says softly, running his thumb over the bit of stubble that graces Tony’s cheek.

“But I don’t. You’re Peter Parker and you live in Arcata. I’m in San Fransisco. It’s only a four hour drive.”

“That should be creepy but it’s kind of hot,” Peter mumbles, grazing his lips against Tony’s. “But why?”

“Just let me see you,” Tony pleads, resting his forehead against Peter’s. “Everything-it’s tearing me up inside.”

Peter smiles and bumps his nose against Tony’s.

***

Next Monday -Present Day- 2045

Peter’s room is submerged in darkness, like usual. His legs still ache, but the sharp pain in his ribs has shown up again. He should tell Miss Williams once she comes for his three o’clock checkup. But he’ll have to wait throughout visitation hours, because he needs all the rest he can get. Recently, he’s been way more tired and worn down than usual.

“Peter? Are you awake?”

The man sits up in his bed slowly, rubbing his eyes with his palms. The door to his room is cracked open, and Miss Williams has her head poked inside.

“Yeah,” Peter croaks. “M’awake.”

The lights to his room turn on and Miss Williams opens the door all the way.

“You have a visitor.”

Miss Williams enters his room, a pretty red-head following her and helping a frail old man into the room.

“ Tony? ” Peter whispers as Miss Williams closes the door. Tony smiles, the wrinkles on his face deepening. Peter’s mouth stays parted in awe as the redhead helps Tony over to the chair next to his bed.

“Hi, pumpkin,” The old man says softly, taking Peter’s left hand in his own. His hands are warm and soft and thin, with callouses on every fingertip. “You’re so beautiful.”

Peter looks down at their intertwined hands bashfully. Tony raises Peter’s hand to his lips, and presses a kiss to his pale skin.

“I can stomach your face,” Peter quips; Tony rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Just kidding. You’re a stud.”

They both erupt in a fit of giggles. Peter’s sides hurt, in a good way, for the first time in months.

“Hospice?” Tony asks once they catch their breath, his tone serious. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Miss Williams and the redhead’s conversation awkwardly falls flat. Peter traces one of the small scars on Tony’s left hand with the tip of his finger.

“I didn’t think it mattered,” Peter mumbles, continuing to avoid Tony’s heavy gaze. “It’s not like we’re going to be seeing each other for much longer.”

Tony flinches at the blow his words deliver. Ever so slightly, he squeezes Peter’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” Tony utters, his voice so quiet it’s barely audible. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Apologizing isn’t going to do much,” Peter chimes, a single tear threatening to slip from his eye. “Not unless you stay.”

“Oh you, there’s no use in crying,” Miss Williams cuts in, grabbing a box of tissues from the small cluster of cabinets in the corner of the room. Peter takes them, taking one tissue out and batting his eyes. “I think you two need to seriously talk. Miss Potts and I will leave you alone.”

Peter gives the two nurses a weak smile as they leave his room.

“I went through all the letters he’s ever written me. Steve-my husband- he really hated the technology,” Tony explains. “I just feel so terrible. I love you Peter, I do, but it’s a disservice to him.”

Peter sucks in a deep breath.

“You love me?” He asks, voice hoarse.

“I’d be crazy if I didn’t,” Tony laughs, stroking the knobby bone of Peter’s wrist. “I’d be so fucking bonkers.”

Peter rolls his big doe eyes, the tips of his eyelashes tickling his eyelids.

“I think you’re already crazy. I think that’s what makes you so charming.”

Tony shakes his head as Peter gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“I think that’s why I’m so in love with you.

***

That Saturday-1992

The glass back door of Tony’s house slides open with a soft ‘woosh’. The wind blowing from the ocean makes goosebumps appear on Peter’s arms, and he pulls his flannel closer to his body. In the distance, the flames of the campfire lick up at the night sky.

Oh, and Tony’s waving his arms like an idiot.

“Peter!” He shouts as loud as he can. “Over here!”

Peter laughs and shakes his head before taking off over the sand, letting the wind rush past him. It’s oddly exhilarating, but he comes to a stop once he reaches Tony and his little camp area.

“My baby,” Tony purrs, wrapping his arms around Peter’s torso and spinning him around. Peter shrieks happily and grips onto Tony’s neck for support. The older man puts him down and immediately presses his lips to Peter’s. Like the roaring fire, Tony’s touch warms him to the core.

“What’s all this?” Peter asks quietly, eyeing the plaid blanket lain on the sand, the wicker basket that holds a bottle of wine, and the bouquet of roses.

“Since we’ve never had a proper date,” Tony explains, brushing a stray curl out of Peter’s eyes. “I thought I’d treat you tonight.”

Tony pulls Peter to the blanket, and the brunette sits down happily. He pushes his bare toes into the sand as Tony sits down next to him. He hands Peter a wine glass and takes one for himself, pouring the red liquid in both.

“And before you ask,” Tony says as he raises his glass to his lips. “My pain meter’s all the way up.”

Peter scoffs and takes a sip of his wine. He’s never been a huge fan of wine, but this-it’s good. His eyes wander to Tony’s face, and he takes a second studying the curves of the man. The point of his nose, the line of his jaw, the pout of his lips.

“Tony?” Peter asks, breaking the silence. The man responds with a soft ‘hm?’

“I died last night.”

Tony doesn’t respond; he just looks up at the stars. Then he turns his head to Peter, and smiles.

“I’m just glad you’re not in pain anymore.”

The tension, that Peter didn’t even realize was there, leaves his body. He rests his head on the older man’s shoulder, his cheek pressed to the softness of Tony’s sweatshirt.

“I’ve been looking for a nice place to live,” Peter rambles, his glass of wine forgotten. “They really have everything here.”

Peter slips two fingers in one of the rips on Tony’s jeans.

“Stay here,” Tony says softly. “This is practically your home now.”

The crashing of the waves echoes in his ears.

“It’s not home without you. It’ll never be home without you here with me.”

Under the moonlight, Tony smiles sadly.

***

Three Months Later-1987

It’s Wednesday when he finds him.

Peter’s browsing the shelves of Paige’s Bookstore, sipping on the rest of his leftover iced tea from lunch. The small shop has been one of Peter’s favorite places since he’s passed over. It’s in a quieter, smaller part of town, and it overlooks the sea perfectly.

Peter’s fingers stop on the spine of a copy of The Picture of Dorian Grey when the bell to the front door chimes softly. The brunette doesn’t pay any attention, and keeps browsing, until he hears the voice of the new customer.

“Good afternoon! Do you sell books here?”

Peter’s heart drops to his toes. He peers around one of the shelves to peek at the front door and-

It’s Tony.

“Tony!” Peter exclaims, failing to contain his excitement. Tony’s egotistical facade drops, and he stands there in awe. Peter, as carefully he can, rushes across the small room, and leaps into Tony’s arms. It feels so good to be back in his arms, encased by warmth and love. Tony presses kiss after kiss onto Peter’s cheeks.

Edith, the owner of the shop, coos at the two of them.

Peter may have spilt his guts to the woman the first time he met her.

“You came,” The younger cries, bubbling with glee. “You actually took the tech.”

Tony laughs and cups both of Peter’s cheeks in his hands.

“I would’ve been a fool if I didn’t,” He mutters, kissing Peter once more.

“Okay lovebirds, if you’re not going to buy anything, get out of my shop.”

Edith has never been the nicest lady.

Peter giggles, though, and bids the woman goodbye as Tony pulls him out of the shop and into the sun. He takes his sunglasses out of his pocket and slips them onto the bridge of his nose.

“I love you,” Peter sings, leaning forward to kiss Tony, but landing on his cheek. “I love you, Tony Stark.”

Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

They say in heaven, love comes first

We'll make heaven a place on earth

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

Wind in his hair, salt on his lips, and a smile on his face . Tony presses down on the gas, shouting as they fly down one of the backroads of the city. Peter throws his head back and laughs; his sunglasses almost escaping his grasp.

When the night falls down

I wait for you and you come around

And the world's alive with the sound

Of kids on the street outside

“I love you, Peter Parker!” Tony shouts over the wind, honking the horn twice.

When you walk into the room

You pull me close and we start to move

And we're spinning with the stars above

And you lift me up in a wave of love

Tony slows when he reaches a dead end, leaving them atop a small hill. He shuts the car off and sighs, reaching over to squeeze Peter’s thigh.

Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

They say in heaven love comes first

We'll make heaven a place on earth

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

Leaving over the dashboard, Tony hungrily kisses Peter on the lips. As the sit there making out, under the sun, with the breeze from the ocean, Peter can only think:

They’re going to be just fine.

The End.

[angst-king]

Buko no witchy Academia

(I do not own any characters of BNHA only the fict)

((Talk me down))

Kaminari was walking down the halls of the UA dorms to go and get some fresh air. While heading down the halls, Kaminari could hear sniffling. It was only a turn around the corner when he saw Shinsou curled up in the corner. He could tell that the other was shaking and wasn't in high spirits. Lots of people told Kaminari about how bad Shinsou was, and even witnessed what they did to the purple haired boy who he'd like to get to know better than what people have rumored off to him. He kneels down in front of Shinsou "Sh-shinsou are you okay?" the blonde notices the tears and frowned. "please Shinsou I want to help you, tell me what's wrong." Shinsou then muttered with a look of disgust "get away before they hurt you too. you should be afraid of me." Kaminari raised a brow "what am I supposed to be scared of, what are you gonna do turn me into a frog? I'm serious Shinsou now tell me" Tilting the taller one's face to make them see each other clearly, Shinsou had a split lip and a bruised bloody nose. "oh shinsou you can't let them hurt you like this" He says softly with caring honey colored eyes gazing at the injured boy. "Wh-why not, if I fight back they'll just have a reason to hurt me more." then another string of painful words come out "its not like anyone cares for me anyway." A burst of emotions and Kaminari harshly tugs Shinsou into his arms. "I care about you Shinsou!" Kaminari exclaims which shocks Shinsou "N-no, you're just saying that to make me feel better." "Shinsou, I may be stupid but I'm not an idiot when it comes to feeling and knowing that what they do to you is cruel. They claim normies are bad, but here they are harassing you. you do not deserve that, you deserve better...so much better." Kaminari then stood up, holding a hand out to Hitoshi who hesitantly took it and stood up. "Come on I'll take you to my room to fix you up" Shinsou silently follows the electric blond. In Kaminari's room he sit Hitoshi down on the bed, and goes into his special box that had a first aid kit with supplies. He grabs the box and comes over. Cleaning up the blood and giving Shinsou something to help with the pain. Kaminari then had an idea, he stood up and tugged Shinsou up with him. "W-where are we going?" Shinsou asked confusedly stumbling, Denki smirked to him "a special place" while leading him out of the dorm and over to the elevator. Down through the lobby, people glared at Shinsou who tried to distract himself with following Denki. They were soon outside and it was quite cloudy, Denki's favorite type of weather. It was a small walk into the forest until they enter a a very meadow-ey area. "finally we're here" Huffed Denki who drops to his knees  softly landing in the soft grass. "Where are we Kaminari why are we in a meadow?" Shinsou had so many questions that filled his head and Denki was willing to answer. "we're in a meadow, I come here when I'm either too full of magic, or just need a place to relax..Believe it or not but I like to meditate it makes me feel better." Denki sits with his legs crossed with a small smile, he notices that Shinsou is still standing awkwardly, he pats the ground next to him.  "come on sit with me" Denki then goes into his phone, then finding his playlist while Shinsou slowly sits down with Denki. "So do you like just sit out here?" "Well I come here to clear my head, peace and quiet, in a place like this is relaxing. Sometimes I'll even take a nap out here." Denki then started to play music, it was soft but had deep meaningful lyrics that even Shinsou could relate to. With closed eyes, Denki's palms faced upwards and hands relaxed. A soft grey hombre to a honey golden yellow blushed formed on Kaminari's face that twinkled with shining freckles that resembled stars. Shinsou couldn't help but love how cute the other looked while like this, so relaxed, and tranquil. The blush was deepening with each passing second, each deep breath caused the clouds in the sky to swirl. Shinsou decided to try this meditation out, he sat up straight in the same position as the witch next to him. As the song 'Talk me down' came on, Shinsou could feel his heart beat change to the beat of the song, it wasn't that he was focused on the lyrics though. It was the body's natural response, his deep breathes seemed to help. Shinsou could feel the tension and stress melt as he released a small amount of magical energy. Kaminari curiously opened his eyes and stifles a giggle when he sees Shinsou's palms softly glow purple and a few plants died but the sight of Shinsou's face made Kaminari yearn for more than their friendship. Soft pink lips that's seem to naturally purse out a little, each time the words 'talk me down' came on Shinsou would exhale after a deep inhale. Denki's magic causes a shadowy over cast and cumulonimbus clouds to form shading them and filling the air with a dewy feel Denki loves the smell of rain and he can smell it but he's not paying much attention to it. Then a rain drop? another rain drop? More and more come from from the sky and its starting out light until it begins to get heavy. Eyes shoot open, Shinou quickly gets up offering a hand to Denki, who apologizes "sorry got to relaxed" and gets with with Shinsou's aid. Denki holds the paler's boy's hand and they run to get inside but they're still getting soaked by the shower of the thunderheads that give a roar and a strike. Yanking open the door the two boys rush in with their clothes soaked, hair flattened by the down pour those in the lobby area stared. Hand in hand, Denki pushed back locks out his hair out of his face. "Aww what were you two love bird doing out in the rain? kissing~" She teased making Hitoshi blush "N-no just wanted to hang out with Shinsou." Someone decided to bud in "you wanted to hang out with a guy who raises the dead and destroys everything he touches? Well see ya at your funeral." "yeah who could actually love that guy?" More and more people piled on their input which seemed to only make Shinsou become closer an closer to crying. Denki grew annoyed, he stood on his toes and pulled the lavender haired one down and smashed their lips together. Shinsou tensed up at first but it was only seconds before he melted, leaning down to kiss back and bringing Denki closer. Holding him by his waist with one arm and the other hand combing through the thick drenched hair. As the kiss deepened the wider the jaws of their peers got as did their eyes but, the two were too busy making out to care. When they broke for air, a soft strand of saliva trailed as they looked warmly into each other's eyes panting. Coming back to reality Denki stuck up his middle finger to the other's "Well someone loves him, and its me bitches!" Mina was taking a video "Get it Kam Kam! get your man!" Then looking back into tired yet wide eyes Denki smiles enjoying the warm dazed smile on Hitoshi's face. Arms holding Denki close as they enjoyed the quiet moment. It was interrupted by a shiver from the short blond, Shinsou chuckles "Come on lets change out of these wet clothes, don't want you catching a cold." It was now Shinsou's turn to lead Denki up to their floor in the large dormitory. Dressed in warm clothes the two remained in Shinsou's room, laying on the duvet like sheets. Kaminari was laying in Shinsou's arms on his chest, listening to 'talk me down' again, Shinsou seemed to like this song. Humming along, with fingers intertwined Shinsou gave Denki's forehead a kiss. "that meditation thing...it helped...thanks Kaminari" Kaminari grinned and snuggled deeper into Shinsou's chest "I'm glad it did..I love you Shinsou." A small smile appeared on Shinsou's face at those words "I love you too Kaminari"

[arukou-arukou]

季節は次々死んでいく (The seasons die one after the other) by amazarashi

アイロニ (Irony) by Majiko

Charm by Wanima

ハートが冷める前に (Before our hearts cool) by Glim Spanky

どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう (Why, oh why did I fall in love with you) by Tohoshinki

怒りをくれよ (Give me your anger) by Glim Spanky

Thanx by Wanima

ray by Bump of Chicken

誰かの願いが叶うころ (When someone’s wish comes true) by Utada Hikaru

空っぽの空に潰される (Crushed by the empty sky) by amazarashi

未来になれなかったあの夜に (That night that couldn’t become the future) by amazarashi

逢いたい (I want to see you) by Yuzu

春のかたみ (A spring memento mori) by Hajime Chitose

Rewrite by Asian Kung-fu Generation

ワタリドリ (A passing bird) by Alexandros

For @stevetonygames​ Team Angst, prompt Angst: Betrayal, a playlist of deceptively upbeat sounding J-pop-rock-punk (and one enka song because they are the saddest) about wandering through life, falling in love, lying, losing someone first to another lover, and then to death [Playlist is on Youtube because many of these songs aren’t on Spotify.]

Select translations of lyrics below the cut

1)    “Kisetsu wa tsugitsugi shinde iku” by amazarashi

The seasons die, one after the other   The voice of death becomes the wind In the lively town, a man who can’t get drunk looking up at the moon, what an ugly sight Living a life that kicks mud up your legs, with rain that tastes like alcohol In front of the station, a suspicious innocence, wandering the town with apathetic eyes

2)    “Irony” by Majiko

Tired from a little stroll Tired from a little stroll I know it’s a cliché, but life is such a long road I want to rest a little I want to rest a little Time drags me along Cruel second by second

3)    “Charm” by Wanima

I keep running, my yearning dangling from me You don’t need to worry about me. Goodbye. Thanks. I’ll keep searching for that last hurrah I don’t know the path, because I can’t even see the beginning

…

Time flows by, so unsatisfying still No matter what words I set in a row, I’m unsure I’m used to facades and lies Fakes one after the other Piled up in a mountain of work  Throw it all out Meetings and partings, ships passing in the night, See ya I can still do this, I can still do this Earnest, upright   Future flowers bloom, just like that

4)    “Haato ga sameru mae ni” by Glim Spanky

Even if there’s no path before me, I think I can keep walking My heart is running high, riding the moonlight Before our hearts cool Let’s slip into the exhilarating night Before our hearts cool Let’s get moving, there’s no time to waste

5)    “Doushite kimi o suki ni natte shimatta n darou?” by Tohoshinki

Why, oh why, did I have to fall in love with you? I was so sure you’d be right here No matter how much time passed But the path you’ve chosen is different Why couldn’t I tell you anything? My longing grows worse every day, every night I finally know the words that overflow (but they won’t reach you now)

…

But even so, even though you’ve left my side I only hope you can be happy always (No matter how lonely I am) No matter how painful…

6)    “Ikari o kureyo” by Glim Spanky

Pretending nothing hurts you, I’ll give it my all, so go on, get on your high horse Say your worst, and stoke my fire even higher In a pinch, at my limits, I’m really feeling it now My instincts are quivering, a new me is awakening You know what I mean Is that all you’ve got? More, more. The fight your selling me is too cheap! Give me your anger, I want to get serious It’s not enough yet, really make me angry A fool dreaming foolish dreams can only ever chase after them I’ll overcome trial after trial, but I’ll kick my satisfaction to the curb

7)    “Thanx” by Wanima

Are you prepared to be the hero of this story that’s just started? Here’s the sketch, no script Wounds unhealed   Change your cruel past into a bright future With tireless smiles But the wounds are serious. Crap, are you okay? I’m not okay, but I’m okay. Just tired. Curled in a ball, cried uselessly, spitting weak noises but somehow alive But you, somehow, please find your happiness

8)    “ray” by Bump of Chicken

It feels like our parting was much longer ago I shut away the abject light, and I’ve worn down my heels Searching for that clear slow-passing comet I could see it when I was with you, but not anymore

…

Why did we part, what was the point The abject light casts my shadow long before me Sometimes I’m feverish, I sleep when I can Even knowing it’s a dream, I can only move forward once I’ve seen you

9)    “Dareka no negai ga kanau koro” by Utada Hikaru

I lost something important through something so trifling So I learned in the cold glinting of that ring “If only I had it now,” I said, but it wasn’t to be The door to you disappeared without a sound

…

Kindness comes to me, about as much as the turning of our tiny Earth I want to hold you one more time, as gently as I can

10) “Karappo no sora ni tsubusareru” by amazarashi

I got so many letters they started dragging me down so I tossed out the baggage How satisfying it was, but in the face of that truth the sky was still empty I’d rather have lots of money, I’d rather have lots of friends I’d rather be safe and sound, but what the hell is happiness anyway “Death is inevitable” we write ourselves to death, “In dreams” we write in fever dreams Frantic to death, feverish to dream, we run through the seasons Our wounds only ever growing in number, at least we have comrades we can laugh about the pain with Don’t be jealous of your past self   You only imagine he’s your enemy

…

In good times you can laugh, in bad times you can dry But what the hell do you do with emptiness? Tell me, tell me We come from darkness and it’s only to darkness we can return But between, what can we do? Tell me, tell me I’m being crushed by the empty sky.

11) “Mirai ni narenakatta ano yoru” by amazarashi

“We’ve been through a lot” but I want to look at each incident in detail, one by one.   I’ve taken up my pen, but you do what you want. After all, that’s usually what I’ve done. Forget about me, if there’s somewhere you’d rather be.

…

A light which can only be seen by those who see it, those who understand that darkness only comes when there’s light Setting out on a journey sounds so nice, but you threw it all away and ran Standing on a cliff’s edge on a lonely night, only one reason to jump I just wanted someone to shout “Eat shit” into the lonely nights Those nights, which never became a future

12) “Aitai” by Yuzu

If you could have one wish come true, what would that wish be? I can answer unerringly   I want to see you one more time Outside it's the season of painted flower petals   This year yet again they proudly bloom bright You loved the sight of them, and now I walk among them, alone We could never see eye-to-eye and I hurt you, in those days when we were still young Now I know that I was wrapped in the truest love

13) “Haru no Katami” by Hajime Chitose

The sky fills with the colors of flowers Reflecting my love Even after everything has passed away I’ll think only of you

…

I’ll commit this body to your heart And so I shall die I cannot see before me, I cannot draw breath But I think only of you

…

Can you hear this voice of mine, This voice which yearns for you?

14) “Rewrite” by Asian Kung-fu Generation

I spit up my creaking desires because I have no other proof I’m alive The future I’ve grabbed is filled with contradictions of “dignity” and “freedom” I want to erase these distorted afterimages because I can see my limits beyond them I’ve been too self-conscious—I hung last year’s dateless calendar in the window Erase it, rewrite it, This useless hyper fantasy This sense of existence I can’t forget Pull it back from the brink, rewrite it Give me your meaningless imaginings, the drive that makes you Give them to me with your whole body, your whole spirit

15) “Wataridori” by Alexandros

I wanna fly so high Yeah, I know my wings are dried “Why don’t you find some wings,” people say to me Cruelty on the other side of their words Those who can fly   Those who fall No one’s watching They’re not even paying attention But even so I’ll keep flying Put the words that hurt you on my shoulders I want to carry them

 …

Like a bird crossing the sky, I’ll come flitting back one day Living this impossible story Until the day we meet again