#anyway as usual more content in the tags than in the post itself truly I’m making this an art

[silkhy-john]

In my head Jason Grace having the greatest raw strength because of how controlling/stingy Jupiter is about his(Jason’s) access to his(again, Jason’s) [godly/demigodly(?)] powers

[ayamturd]

bisexual│mcyt hc

warnings: small mentions of hate, fluff

prompt: (requested 1 & 2) “Hello uh I saw one of your posts about the dream smp reacting to you coming out so I was wondering if you haven't already done it can you do dream smp reacting to you coming out as bisexual?” 

“Hello yamturd so I was wondering if maybe you could do tubbo, Tommy and Ranboo reacting to reader coming out as bisexual or lesbian if you haven't already done it :)” 

pairings: irl platonic! dream, ranboo, tommy and tubbo ; c!technoblade

a/n: if i offend or misinterpret anything in this hc, please feel free to message and correct me otherwise. i will always try to correct or delete this post if asked so <33

sending my love to all those who identify as bisexual <33

wc: (1.5k) - m.list

dream - 

considering his prideful personality sometimes, you probably wanted to play with his ego and drop subtle hints

not anything too obvious, but enough to make him kick himself when he realizes

though it was admittedly difficult since he plays into the dnf ship so much that he thinks you’re also joking more than half the time 

imagine you two were in a voice call one evening and randomly discussing the recent fanon and what would be funny to turn into canon (to mess with the fandom)

you’ve been recently shipped with two other content creators, both of opposing female and male gender, separately and together

“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind hitting that.” “Which one?” “Both.”

He’d laugh, but you didn’t.

“Wait, you’re serious? You actually identify as…?” “Bisexual. Yeah, I’m pretty sure anyway.” “Y/n, that’s amazing.”

takes pride in the fact that you trust him, but would feign being upset that you messed with him for as long as you did

be jokingly offended if he found out someone knew before him

“Wait…” “Yes?” “You told Bad??” “Yeah, he was one of the first.” “W— Why??”

It was your turn to laugh while he gawked in disbelief.

“It’s Bad! Of course I told him.” “… Fair enough.”

hate is a given, and he’ll always be there to support and defend you

he’ll always ask your permission before taking any action, however, because he respects you too much and knows you can fight your own battles

dream is someone will show relentless support, whether that be through words or moral support, he’ll always be there for you 

c!technoblade - 

i honestly feel like you never officially came out to techno

as you began to recognize yourself as bisexual, you slowly expressed yourself around him more openly to the point where he unconsciously knew

it’d probably would have hit him in the most random moment after months of assuming he knew

imagine you’re in the midst of battle when techno paused entirely with wide eyes 

“Y/n!” “What!?” “Are you gay??”

you would tease him when discussing your love life in one-sided conversations with him; him basically choosing to ignore you when you talk to him

“Honestly, Techno, how could you not want to hit that?” “Please, just stop.”

(i’ve written this before but will stand by this that) he truly doesn’t care for your sexuality

you’re a friend, someone he trusts and relies on, he doesn’t need to consider who you’re attracted to since he sees you for your skills and friendship

the only, and only time he is mindful of your sexuality depends on others unnecessary comments about it

the smp is a known judgement free land, but there will always be someone with ignorant opinions that he is always quick to shut down (or kill)

nothing much can be said besides the fact that you’ll always be y/n to him: a loyal friend and someone he would fight the world for

ranboo - 

oh sweet ranboo, dear ranboo

considering how openly supportive and kind he naturally is, you didn’t question the idea of telling him

i’d like to imagine that unlike most where you planned or waited to tell, the moment you knew, he would know soon after

imagine you called him before he began his lore stream to hype him up

you both were talking about more mundane things to calm his nerves as people joined when you brought it up

“Oh actually, before you start, I wanted to tell you something.” “Sure, what is it?” “Well, I— I’m Bisexual.” “…You’re tELLING ME THIS WHEN I’M ABOUT TO START MY STREAM??” “Y/n! I’m so happy for you, that’s amazing!”

he’s incredibly patient concerning how you wanted others to know or when you were ready to be completely out

similar to c!techno with the same beliefs you’re still y/n, and nothing has changed besides you coming out as yourself

he’s your go to when days are rough, because he knows how to help you understand you’re still loved as the same y/n and nothing less

“Hey, hey, listen to me. I love you, y/n. We all do, and you’ll never be alone when things get rough, alright?” (love /p)

knows how to silently deal with hate in his chat unless it becomes evident enough to address it (doesn’t want to bring attention to meaningless words until it becomes serious)

ranboo’s your rock and makes show that he’ll never believe anything other than that you deserve love

tommyinnit - 

as someone who took pride in defending the LGBTQ+ community, you had no hesitation when coming out to tommy

if any, your reluctance would come from accepting yourself to the point to be open with other people

it’s not as if he didn’t accept you, he could never imagine doing so in the slightest, but he probably wouldn’t know what to say initially

imagine you both were in the midst of playing bedwars together in a recording for a video

he had been busy gathering emeralds while you remained at the base, and the comforting silence gave you the confidence to blindly address it

“Hey Tommy?” “What, y/n? I’m in the middle of something right now.” “Oh, um, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” “…” “…Tommy?” “…” “T— Tommy?”

it’d be dead quiet for a few seconds before you heard the noise of him rustling in realization

“Wait wait wait, you’re serious? You’re bisexual?” “Haha yeah, yeah, I am.” “WHA—!”

he was happy for you, to say the least

tommy loves to joke, and one he loved to make would be your attraction to both genders

you like women? pog!

you like men? a shame, honestly

if you were publicly out, his favorite bit would be to include you in his obnoxious swooning

imagine he was streaming while talking about his love for women

“Boys, honestly, the ladies just can’t resist me.”

The ding of discord notified you entering the call, the sound of your laughter immediately coming through.

“I agree, Tommy, I definitely agree.” “Y/n! You are attracted to women, and I am also attracted to women. You can agree women are amazing, yes?” “I can, Tommy. Women are indeed amazing.” “Good lad!” “Tommy, you do realize I’m not only attracted to w—” “Shush, we don’t speak of that.”

he showed his support by normalizing your sexuality, his acceptance quick and easily integrated into your lives

(this is getting long but—) tommy was well aware he lacked some knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community, but openly voiced his ignorance as a sign of awareness itself

he was always quick to correct either himself or others, he refused to accept slander of any type in his streams

would probably try to keep it light heartedly, but scold nonetheless

tommy was your figurative cheerleader, always there to include and uplift you, whether that be through the smallest gestures or loudest cheers

tubbo - 

poor tubbo

since he wasn’t the most careful with secrets, you probably withheld telling him till you were ready for most to know

this isn’t to deter anything of not trusting him, he’s still supportive and loving tubbo that wouldn’t dare do anything purposeful against you

if anything, you might have forgotten that he didn’t know when you were casually taking about it within a group

imagine you and Ranboo were trying to get him to sleep one early morning but gave up

you started talking about personal stuff and the topic of your love life came up, specifically the attraction to someone of the same gender

“I don’t know, Ranboo, I mean, I think I like them but at the same time I’m not sure.” “That’s fai—” “Wait, y/n. You’re gay??” “Bisexual, actually.” “WaAA—”

his very sleep deprived state was extremely happy and emotional for you

he’s like the little duckling with a knife, like he loves you completely but will try to hurt anyone that offends you

like tommy, he has no personal knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community but will solely learn for your sake

whether you’re younger or not, tubbo never fails to remind you that he looks up to you

he gives his all and won’t hesitate to provide in any way he can if needed

“You matter,” he’ll always say, “you’re important and no one else’s opinion matter.”

is proud to be your friend and expresses his platonic love in full, for you’re you and are so brave to be yourself despite all

choosing not to tag my usual taglist just cause its a headcanon with a specific request <33 (huge ty to @basilly​ and @inniterhq​ though for the advice/motivation to finish this)

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love - Chapter 10

I’m sorry its taken me so long to update. I haven't had much time to write lately due to....well, life. But here we are and its long, so hopefully that makes up for the length. 

Side note- the Norwegian used is from Google translate so....

Warnings: swearing, mild sexual content, Lothbrok family dynamics (yes, its a warning), threats of violence

Words: 15,700 (yep, my longest chapter yet. I packed ALOT into this beast)

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius @evelynshelby @pomegranates-and-blood @heavenly1927 @zuxiezendler @punkrocknpearls @love-all-things-writing @southernbe @ecarroll1978 @breezykpop @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie​

Series Masterlist

"Where are we going? I thought we were going to your flat?" 

 Gyda slyly smiled at Kari, sitting in the passenger seat of her bright yellow Porsche. "Change of plans."

 Kari stared at her friend. "I'm scared to ask."

 "Torvi asked for female reinforcement. So, we are going to keep her company."

 "Ok…. But where is that?" 

 "At the brothers' house." The blonde answered nonchalantly as she made a quick right-hand turn. "It's tradition. Kind of a last family summer party before it's too cold to swim anymore. They have a pool in their backyard."

 Kari felt her stomach drop. Ivar had told her he lived with his three other brothers. Gyda had her own flat while Bjorn and Torvi owned a house nearby. Whenever she tried to ask Ivar about his home, he would shrug off the question or ignore it completely. Eventually she just stopped asking. Curiosity certainly reared its head when she wondered what his home was like. For how much money meant nothing to him, she guessed it was massive and expensive. Maybe he knew she would not fit in and that was why he never brought her? Even through his speeches of wanting her to be his girlfriend, he knew she would not fit into his lifestyle. Why else would he keep her away? It was a valid truth that she had come to terms with. Even if she found herself secretly desperate to ease into his life, she never would. 

 "Of course, they do…." Kari rolled her eyes at the notion that obviously, there was a pool in their backyard. It fit the stereotype in her mind. Then she thought about what Gyda just said. "Wait. Do you have a swimsuit with you?"

 Gyda raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at her while keeping her eyes on the road. "Don't worry, I've got you covered. Torvi brought an extra of hers for you."

 "You had this planned, didn't you? We never were going to your flat, were we?"

 "I don't kiss and tell."

 "Yes, you do. There was that guy you hooked up with two weeks ago that kept sending you dick pics after."

 "That guy was way too proud of his dick. I mean it wasn't even that big."

 "I don't want to hear this again." Kari groaned, tugging on her diamond earring. She enjoyed Gyda but she had learned far more about the woman's sex life than she had any desire to know. 

 "Okay, fine. And yes, Torvi and I planned this. Ivar doesn't know you're coming."

 "Why?"

 Gyda smirked. "Because he's been so secretive and only Hvitserk has seen you two together. Besides, the rest of the brothers want to meet you. We may be at each other's throats most of the time but we do care for one another."

 The brunette let her friend's words sink in. Hvitserk had mentioned the others wanting to meet her, but she had not fully believed it. Sure, she wanted to meet them and was curious after hearing Ivar talk about them, but why would they be interested in her? She glanced down at her clothes, the capri leggings and tank top that were practically a signature look for her. For once, she wished she dressed nicer regularly. "I wish you had said something before."

 "You wouldn't have come then. You'd have created some excuse why you couldn't come." Gyda pointed out the obviously painful truth without remorse. 

 Kari slouched in the passenger seat, butterflies doing somersaults in her belly. Slowly, she pulled her ponytail down, letting her hair hang loose past her shoulders, running her hand through it absent-mindedly in hopes it looked decent. 

 At a red light, Gyda looked over at her with a bright smile. "It'll be fun." 

 "I don't know…. isn’t it supposed to be just family?"

 "Ubbe sometimes brings his girlfriend but yeah, it's usually just family."

 There was another long silence before Kari spoke again, unable to fully conceal her nerves. "You should drop me off and just go. I don't want to intrude."

 "You're not. I'm bringing you because there is always way too much testosterone." Gyda groaned, then reached over and swatted Kari's leg. "What are you so worried about?"

 "What if they don't like me?" She whispered. The weight of her confession hung over her like a dark cloud. 

 "What?"

 She kept her gaze out the window. "The…. the others. What if they don't like me?"

 Gyda laughed. "Kari, don't worry. They will love you. I promise. And if they say anything fucking stupid, I'll slap them or Ivar will stab them. See? Simple."

 A smile grew on Kari's face. "That shouldn't make me feel better…. but for some reason it does." Maybe she had already spent too much time with various Lothbroks if the idea of people resorting to violence made her feel better. 

 "You aren't alone, if anything we'll steal Torvi and Asa away and have a girls' party."

 "Asa? That's her daughter, right?"

 "Right, and Hali is her son. I swear that boy is going to be a miniature version of Bjorn."

 "I've never been around kids much." 

 Gyda chuckled, waving a hand dismissively. "They are great, Asa is a sweetie who prefers to cuddle in someone's lap. It's Hali who is a bit wild but all his uncles love to play with him. He'll probably be swimming in the pool the whole time anyway."

 Still staring out the window, Kari thought about everything Gyda had said. Of course, she was still nervous about just showing up to a family event unannounced, even if she was sort of being kidnapped by Gyda. Some of her nerves faded away with the knowledge that Gyda and Torvi both wanted her there. She really would not be alone. She had friends. She had people that wanted to spend time with her. Hopefully Ivar would be pleased to see her. His potential reaction was the only real wrinkle in her fluctuating confidence. 

 "Okay. I can do this." She said aloud, wondering if she was trying to fully convince herself. 

 "Good, cause we're almost there."

 Kari stared out the window as they approached a gated community. Gyda showed her ID to a guard who chatted with her like they were old friends. As the yellow Porsche drove by the houses in the community, Kari just stared in awe. She had seen houses, mansions was a better term, like these before but it always amazed her that people lived in them. What did they do with all that space? All of the homes were set back from the road so Kari only caught glimpses of them but it was enough to remind her how out of her element she was. 

 Finally, they pulled up a long driveway to a massive two-story house. It was white with an insane number of windows, and a huge garage attached on the left side. On the right side looked like an expansive addition that made Kari wonder why they needed more space. The roof was made of some slate gray tiles, with a balcony above the front door and ivy draping elegantly over the corners. There were various sized potted plants and shrubbery around the front of the house and leading down the sides. Several European beech trees were strategically placed in the front yard to block most of the view from the road in an attempt at privacy. Whoever the grounds keeper was, for surely they had one, needed a raise. 

 Kari could only gape for a long moment, unable to move as she took in the immaculate, beautiful house. To think this was where Ivar lived and he always came over to her tiny townhouse. It was a struggle to tamper down the post embarrassment. 

 Gyda started talking as she parked in front of the house. The only other vehicle in sight was a silver four-door Audi, that Kari recognized as Torvi's. "Aslaug chose the house for them. When she isn't traveling for work or staying at their family home in Norway, this is where she stays. So, she insisted on this place. Something about the natural sunlight and old aesthetic blending with the new vibe. Or some other shit. I can't remember."

 "Huh." Kari said as she followed the blonde out of the car. She noticed there was no mention of the father, Ragnar, and wondered where he stayed but knew it was none of her business so she kept her question to herself. Maybe Ivar would explain it to her. 

 Gyda opened the solid, wood front door, waltzing in like she had done this a million times. Kari took two steps in and froze. The vaulted ceiling in the foyer was enough to stare at but it was the large chandelier that caused her to stare. The way it caught the afternoon light through the many windows and gently cast it about was truly gorgeous. This view was worth owning the house for itself, in her opinion. 

 A tugging on her arm made Kari squeak as she found herself suddenly being dragged along like a ragdoll. 

 "You can stare later, Torvi is waiting for us." Gyda stated, a large purse over her shoulder and her heeled boots clicking on the shiny, wood floor with each step. 

 Kari caught glimpses of other rooms as they passed down the long, straight hallway. A living room with a TV that took up most of the wall it was on. A kitchen that would make any celebrity chef drool. Pictures and awards displayed along the walls in the hallway that were obviously put up by their mother.  

 The two finally stepped out into a room with glass walls, where the pool and expansive backyard lay before them. Most likely what used to be a porch before being enclosed. Still being pulled along, Kari followed Gyda through a side door onto the stamped concrete that surrounded the pool and lounge area. A pool in a rectangle shape dominated the area, a diving board on the far end. A quick glance around showed a jacuzzi on the other side, closer to the house, the water bubbling like a cauldron. There was a large grill, several short tables and lounge chairs spread over the stamped concrete. At the far end was an adult size statue of the Buddha with two flowering pots on either side of him and some kind of cheap, plastic crown on his head. 

 The backyard was several acres wide and at least that many in length. Trees and large shrubs blocked the views of the neighbor's properties and made the place feel almost like a hidden oasis. Further down in a corner was a lovely gazebo with a cobbled stone path leading to it and gardens decorating the way. 

 "Gyda! What took you so long?!" A distinctly male voice called out. 

 "I had to pick up a package." She called back, pulling Kari into full view of the others. 

 The brunette gave a small, self-conscious smile at the many pairs of eyes that she could feel land on her. Before she could really get a good look at who was around, a shout of her name startled her. 

 "Kari!" Hvitserk jumped up from his lounge chair, wearing only dark green swim trunks, and walked over to her with a beaming smile. 

 "Hey…. OH!" She started to greet him only to be swallowed into a hug and spun in a circle. Unable to deny him, she hugged him back and laughed. It was funny since last time she saw him, he was in business attire, coming to check on her per Ivar's instructions. Now she could not help but notice his toned body. His form reminded her more of a runner, while she was used to seeing Ivar's muscular torso. A couple tattoos on Hvitserk caught her eye and she wondered if all the brothers had them. 

 When he finally set her back on her feet, he kept his hands on her shoulders, green eyes twinkling with a mischievous glint. "I didn't know you were coming here."

 "Yeah, I didn't know either until Gyda told me on the way."

 He chuckled, glancing over her head to his half-sister. "Yeah, not surprising."

 "Uh huh. Watch yourself, boy. I could still beat your ass if I wanted too." Gyda quipped. 

 "Maybe fifteen years ago. You don't have a chance now."

 "Keep telling yourself that, Hvitty." She teased, then yelled at Torvi. "You got it?"

 As soon as Kari was released by Hvitserk, she could sense a pair of sharp, blue eyes boring into her. Skin prickling under the sensation, she hesitantly looked up and immediately met Ivar's intense gaze right away, as if subconsciously her mind already knew where he was without having to search for him. 

 Reclined back on a cushioned, lounge beach chair, he wore loose black sweatpants, instead of swim trunks, under his leg braces, but without a shirt. His tattoos were a stark contrast on his skin and shamelessly on full display. Her fingers twitched with the urge to trace them again. It was his penetrating gaze though, the lack of emotion on his handsome face, that made her wonder if being here was a bad idea. 

 Before she could make a run for it, Gyda grabbed her arm as if sensing her desire to flee. "C'mon, let's get changed."

 With one last glance at Ivar, she followed behind Gyda and Torvi, who had joined them, back into the massive house. They headed to the kitchen and Gyda pointed out a bathroom across the way. 

 Placing the beach bag on the kitchen counter, Torvi dug in it for a moment before murmuring a quiet "here it is" and handed Kari something. "Here. I bought this forever ago but never wore it. Bjorn said he didn't like the colors."

 Kari took it, guessing it was the promised swimsuit, and peeked down at the two pieces of clothing in her hands. "Um…. where’s the rest of it?"

 Laughing, Gyda rolled her eyes. "Get in there and change or I'll do it for you."

 With a concerned look between the swimsuit in her hands and the two blondes staring at her expectantly, Kari finally conceded defeat and stepped into the bathroom. It was only a half bath, with a toilet and sink, but it was still roomy and felt fancy somehow. The mirror above the sink was large and there was a small, pretty flowering plant on the counter that upon inspection, turned out to be real. 

 Quickly, she changed out of her leggings and tank top and into the swimsuit, figuring it was best that way, like ripping off a band-aid. Plus, if she stopped moving, her nerves would get the better of her and she would somehow find a way to sneak home. Even if she had to crawl through a window. A smile grew on her face remembering Hvitserk's enthusiasm to see her. That had honestly surprised her but she found she did not mind. Hvitserk seemed like a good guy and the little bit of time they had spent together, she felt comfortable with him. He was funny and caring. 

 Then Ivar's blank face came to mind and all of her excitement slipped away like water down a drain. There had been no acknowledgement, not even the hint of a smile, only a hard stare that made her anxious and self-conscious.  

 Taking a deep breath, she tried to remind herself what Gyda said. At least the two Lothbrok women wanted her here, and apparently Hvitserk was happy to see her. That was what she needed to focus on and not Ivar's reaction.

 Once done changing, she finally took stock of what Torvi had leant her and gasped.  

 "Oh no. No, no, no. Hell no."

 She stared down at the wide-band bikini. The top and bottom both had alternating white and light pink stripes, strangely reminding her of cotton candy. The design was certainly something she would never pick out for herself but she did not hate it. The real problem was the way half her ass cheeks hung out of the bottoms and more of her breasts saw the light of day than they ever had before. Never had she been so exposed. Even swimsuits she bought in the past were never this revealing. Her gaze immediately zeroed in on her fuller hips and thighs, fully exposed. Faint whispers that sounded like her mother's taunts echoed in the recesses of her mind as she stared at herself. There was no way she could go out in this. She would rather wear her leggings and tank top than have anyone see her wearing this. They would all laugh at her. 

 "Kari? You done yet?" Torvi called through the door. 

 "I'm…. I’m not coming out in this!" 

 "Let us see it first!" Gyda shot back. 

 "But…." Kari tried once again, unsuccessfully, to tuck her breasts into the bikini top. "It's padded!" 

 "Open this door, Kari." Gyda demanded, suddenly sounding closer. 

 She took one more look at herself, feeling the embarrassed tears welling in her eyes. With a deep breath, knowing she could not escape Gyda just yet, she opened the door. Immediately her blue-green eyes scanned to make sure it was only Gyda and Torvi in the kitchen before she further opened the door so they could see. 

 "Shit, Kari, you look great." Gyda said after giving a wolf whistle. 

 "Half of my butt is hanging out and most of my boobs. I can't wear this out there." She said, almost panicking now. 

 "No, they aren't, you're overexaggerating."

 "Kari," Torvi said kindly, drawing the brunette's frenzied attention, "you're more curvy than I am and let's be honest, your ass and tits are bigger than mine. I'd kill to have a body like yours. You look beautiful. But if you're uncomfortable, I think I have a cover you can wear over it."

 "Please." She replied softly, hating how she sounded like a fearful child.  

 Torvi smiled at her. "I'll be right back."

 Swiftly, Kari stepped back into the bathroom before Gyda could say anything. Her nerves felt alight and not in a good way. Grabbing her phone, she scrolled through her Pinterest, anything to distract herself from this nightmare. If it was just Gyda and Torvi seeing her in this, she might have been uncomfortable but she could tolerate it. Even with Ivar she might have shied away some but he always made her feel so desirable that she doubted her nerves would have lasted long. It was the thought of prancing around in this in front of the other brothers, men she had never met, that made her stomach twist into knots and her breathing quicken painfully. 

 Finally, a gentle knock on the door and a quiet, "It's me," had Kari open it to take the cover from Torvi. It was a solid white oversized V-neck cover with a simple pattern around the neckline. Without wasting a moment, she slipped it on over the bikini, immediately feeling better. The hem of the cover touched the tops of her thighs, higher than she would have liked, but it was better than before. 

 She looked up, running her hands over the cover. "Thank you." 

 Torvi smiled softly with understanding. "I understand. I don't wear swimsuits that show my stomach anymore. Stretch marks." She shrugged casually, moving back to slip onto an island stool. 

 Kari trailed behind her with her bundle of clothes and purse. Without a word, Gyda slipped into the bathroom to change, leaving the other two waiting for her. It was now that Kari really took note of Torvi's swimsuit; it was a classy black and white one piece with thin crisscross straps across the back. The blonde could easily wear a bikini and look amazing in it, but it made Kari feel marginally better that she was not the only one self-conscious about her body. Perhaps that was why Torvi shared about her stretch marks?

 "Is it…." Kari started then stopped, leaning against the black marble countertop. Surveying the grand kitchen for a second, hoping to gather her thoughts, she took a deep breath before continuing. "Is it okay that I'm here? Gyda said this is a family event and I don't want to intrude."

 Torvi turned to face her fully, green eyes gazing at her before she shrugged again. "Normally we try to keep it just family, Ubbe sometimes brings Margrethe, but I doubt anyone will be upset you're here. Honestly, the brothers keep asking about you, so now maybe they will finally shut up and stop teasing Ivar."

 Kari fiddled with the hem of the swimsuit cover. "He didn't seem happy to see me."

 "Ivar?" At Kari's nod, Torvi snorted. "I don't think it's you he's upset with. He's a very private person, as I'm sure you know. If I took a guess, I'd say he was keeping you hidden."

 "But why?"

 "Look, I've known the Lothbroks for about ten years and during that time, I've seen Ivar go through some ups and downs…. well, as much as he lets anyone see. I mostly heard it from Bjorn. Point is, he's allowing you into his inner circle. Hell, you're probably at the center of his inner circle. I saw how he acted with you at the yoga studio. You mean something to him. It's no secret he wants you to be his girlfriend. Maybe he is worried that you'll meet his family and decide we're too much or that you find one of his brothers more attractive or easier to deal with? He pretends to be super confident but it wouldn't be the first time that a woman chose one of the others over him."

 Every time Kari heard that, her heart broke once again for Ivar. How many times had he been overlooked because of his legs? Or his harsh demeanor? Something that she was beginning to realize was just to protect himself, to keep others at arm's length. It made her want to hug him and never let him go, to remind him he was more than just his disability. That he was worth being cared about by more than just family. 

 Kari must have been lost in her thoughts for longer than she realized. Suddenly she was drawn out of her inner musings by Gyda coming out of the bathroom, having changed into a plant print cutout tankini. Of course, looking like she just stepped out of a magazine cover. There had to be something in the Lothbrok blood for everyone to be this damn attractive. 

 "Are we ready?" She asked, her large bag in hand, presumably with her clothes in it. "Kari, you can put your stuff in here for now."

 Torvi touched Kari's shoulder. "Don't worry. If anything, you are here to keep me and Gyda company, okay?"

 Kari smiled, finding herself reassured and grateful for the two women. "Thanks." She slipped her clothes and shoes into Gyda's bottomless bag. They stashed their bags in the glass room and then headed back out into the backyard. 

 Soon as they stepped out, a little girl came running over. Torvi swept her up into her arms gracefully. She turned to Kari with the little blonde girl on her hip. "This is Asa. How old are you, Asa?"

 The little girl stared at her mom before shyly tucking her face into the crook of Torvi's neck, while her blue eyes stayed on Kari. After a moment, she held up two fingers. 

 "You're two?" Kari asked. When the little girl shyly nodded, Kari's smile widened. "I wish I was that old. It's nice to meet you, Asa. I'm Kari."

 Torvi pressed a quick kiss to the top of her daughter's head. "Did daddy let you play in the pool yet?"

 Asa shook her head. 

 "Alright, let's go kick his butt. He did promise, didn't he?"

 That made the little girl giggle and Kari could feel her heart melting slightly. She was just too cute and most likely spoiled by all her uncles. Even her swimsuit was a purple halter top and green bottom with a little skirt that was very The Little Mermaid-esque.  

 A happy scream followed by a splash drew Kari's gaze to the pool. A young boy resurfaced laughing loudly. Bjorn, she recognized, was in the pool also, but turned to look up at Torvi as she approached with Asa on her hip. 

 "Let's go sit down." Gyda slipped her arm through Kari's and pulled her along to where there was a grouping of lounge chairs. Ivar, Hvitserk and a curly-haired blond reclined with beers in hand. 

 Kari could feel Ivar's gaze tracing over her form as she approached, like fingers trailing over her skin leaving a fire in its wake. She sneaked a peek at him, only to find his ardent gaze on her. She blushed and kept her eyes downward. At least he did not look impassive anymore, but she still felt hesitant. 

 "Hey boys. What are we drinking this time?" Gyda questioned. 

 Hvitserk turned the beer bottle to show the label. 

 "Ew. I don't why you drink that shit. I'm going to get some wine. Kari, you want some?"

 "Ah, sure." She murmured.

 "Good. You boys be nice to my friend, especially you Ivar." With that Gyda walked back towards the house but not before giving Kari a subtle wink.

 "Take a seat, Kari." Hvitserk gestured to an open chair next to him. 

 For a split second she considered slinking into the seat, anything for the attention to be taken off her, but realized that was not what she actually wanted. It had been two days since she had seen Ivar and the last time they hung out, it was when he returned from his trip to Italy. He had picked her up the next day to take her out to eat but he ended up spending the majority of the time on his phone, yelling into it in a foreign language and seeming on the verge of throwing his phone or punching a wall. She ended up ordering take-out for them that they ate at her townhouse but he was too wired to really relax and left soon after. The next two days he had been busy with work so they could only text. The one time they managed to Face-Time, she could not help but notice his bruised knuckles and when she asked him about them, he said he did some boxing to release stress. 

 With butterflies doing somersaults in her belly, she took a step closer to stand near Ivar's lounge chair. Tugging on the hem of her cover as she quietly spoke. "Hey, Ivar. Can I sit with you?"

 "Oh, you're acknowledging me now?" He snapped, never removing his severe blue eyes off of her.  

 She blinked owlishly, surprised by his sharp tone. Her stomach dropped to her feet and she could feel an embarrassed flush rising on her cheeks. "Yeah, I'm sorry." She whispered, dropping her chin, unable to meet his eyes anymore. This was all a mistake, she knew it. This only sealed her poor decision. 

 Shifting to look back at the house, she wondered if she should find Gyda and beg to drive her back home, or if she should find the closest bus stop. Before she could take a step away, a calloused hand snatched hers in a firm grip. Startled, she looked down to see Ivar holding her hand. Her eyes jumped up to stare at him in shock, confused by his conflicting actions. In those vivid, expressive eyes she could easily read the regret in them. Without her conscious decision, her heart softened. 

 "Sit." He said quietly, what most likely meant to come out commanding but sounded more as a plea. She nodded and allowed him to guide her onto the wide lounge chair next to him. 

 A furious blush warmed her cheeks when Ivar wrapped an arm around her waist, tucking her into his side and pressing a quick kiss to her temple. What she assumed was his nonverbal apology. 

 "Hey, this is Sigurd." Hvitserk said, gesturing to the unknown blond sitting with them. "I don't think you've met him yet. Ubbe had to take a call, so you'll meet him later."

 "Hi, it's nice to meet you." She said, looking at the other Lothbrok. He had light blond, curly hair in frazzled braids and brown eyes. At first glance she would not have guessed he was one of the brothers, but she figured genetics were always weird. He had a lean body similar to Hvitserk with a tribal tattoo sleeve and a Thor's hammer necklace laying on his bare chest like the other brothers wore.

 He silently raised his beer bottle at her, still stretched out in his chair like a lazy cat in the sun. 

 Thoughtfully she peered up at Ivar, keeping her voice low. "I'm sorry, I didn't know Gyda was bringing me here otherwise I'd have told you. She literally didn't tell me until we were pulling up."

 "It's fine." He murmured evenly, but Kari got the feeling that was not how he truly felt. 

 "Do….do you want me to leave?"

 He sighed, his grip around her tightening for a moment, before he seemed to relax. "No. I'm glad you're here. It won't be boring…." a wolfish grin grew as he slid his hand up her exposed thigh sensually, ".... especially if you take off this cover and let me see what's underneath." 

 "No!" She squeaked, grabbing his roving hand before it could migrate further. 

 He chuckled. "Come on, kitten…. just a peek?"

 "Ivar, no."

 "Why not?"

 "Its…. it’s scandalous."

 Hvitserk raised his hand, a devious smirk on his face. "I want to see."

 She covered her face with her hands, embarrassment flooding her. "Oh gods, this was such a bad idea." Then she had to rapidly grasp Ivar's hand as it slipped under the swimsuit cover to caress her hip and trace her bikini bottom. "Ivar…."

 "Fine." He slipped his hand back out but splayed it over her exposed thigh. "You can show me later."

 Thankfully, Gyda reappeared with a glass of white wine in each hand and another blond male in tow who carried the wine bottle. He had short, cropped hair and a muscular body that spoke of many hours in the gym. Kari wondered if this was the brother that Ivar regularly worked out with. 

 "Why are you sitting with Ivar? I brought you here! I'm even bringing you wine!" Gyda teased, handing a glass to Kari. 

 "You also dragged me here unknowingly. Wine is the least you could do." Kari said without thinking, making the others laugh. 

 "You know damn well you're happy to be here." Gyda winked then took the open lounge chair next to her. "Right, I'm guessing you've been introduced to Sigurd." She flicked a hand in the curly-haired Lothbrok's direction followed by vaguely gesturing to the last unknown brother. "Now this pain in my ass, over here, is Ubbe. Ubbe, this is Kari."

 Sitting between Hvitserk and Gyda, Ubbe rolled his blue eyes but leaned forward to shake Kari's hand. "It's nice to finally meet you."

 "Yeah, likewise."

 Ubbe sat back with an impish glint in his eyes. "So, you're Ivar's girl?"

 "Um…. we’re just..." She started, unsure what to say to his family. 

 Ivar broke in, his single word answer almost coming out in a growl. "Yes."

 She whipped her head to look at him, only for him to stare her down as if waiting to see if she could refute his claim. Logically, she knew she should say something, argue that they were only friends. Yet any rebuttal died on her tongue under his fierce gaze. Instead she chose to sip on her wine generously.  

 "Right." Ubbe finally said, watching the two with an amused look. 

 Sigurd scoffed loudly before taking a swig of his beer. 

 "Something you want to say, Sig?" Ivar turned narrowed eyes at his brother.

 The curly-haired brother smirked, seeming to debate saying anything. Finally, he sat up and his gaze zeroed in on Kari. "How much does he pay you to fuck him?"

 The reaction from those around was instantaneous. Next to her, Ivar tensed, ready to spring up and fight his brother. A sharp reprimand of "Sigurd!" came from both Gyda and Ubbe while Hvitserk pinched the bridge of his nose. 

 Something rose up inside Kari though. She understood enough to know about the animosity between Sigurd and Ivar. His comment felt more like a cruel jab at Ivar than her. She was just the pathway to try and cause torment between the brothers. But if no one else was going to stand up and defend the dark-haired Lothbrok, she would. 

 So instead of taking his words personally, she just smiled sweetly at Sigurd, placing a hand on Ivar's thigh as she responded. "He doesn't. I'm happy to do it for free. Besides, he has something you never will."

 "And what's that?"

 "A cock big enough to pleasure someone….is that why you go through girlfriends so quickly?"

 The rising tension evaporated in a flash. Gyda snorted so hard she almost dropped her wine glass. Hvitserk threw his head back laughing while Ubbe tried to cover his smile with his hand. Kari was sure her eyes were comically wide as what she said without thinking sunk in. Her face flushed and she pressed her face against Ivar's shoulder. Sure, she had meant to defend Ivar but she had not meant to be so crass. The statement seemed to fly out of her mouth before her brain could catch up. 

 Next to her, Ivar laughed as he nuzzled her. She squirmed under his onslaught but also at realizing she just insulted one of Ivar's brothers. Even if it was the one he liked least of all. For a fleeting moment, the idea she had just made herself an enemy crossed her mind. 

 When she sneaked a peek, Sigurd quickly drained the rest of his beer and walked away murmuring something about getting another one. 

 "I think you'll fit in, Kari." Ubbe stated, still trying unsuccessfully to hide his amusement. 

 Kari was unsure of that. She quickly took a large sip of the wine to settle her fraying nerves. What had she been thinking? It hurt to hear Ivar's brother being so blatantly cruel to him and if this was a regular occurrence, no wonder Ivar wanted to spend most of their time at her place. 

 "I didn't realize you liked my cock so much, kattungen." Ivar whispered salaciously into her ear, drawing her back to the present. His tongue flicked her earlobe, making her jolt. "I think I'll have to give you a reward later."

 She shivered at his tone, her core clenching without resistance. It was unfair how just at his husky tone alone, her body betrayed her desire. But they were in public though, in front of his family no less, so she willfully attempted to cool the heat warming her veins. With a smile, she tried to nudge him away from her but he was too strong, only tightening his grip on her and laying a quick kiss to her neck. 

 "I can't believe I said that." She whispered, hoping only he heard her. 

 He smirked, an unmistakable fire in his eyes. "It was sexy as fuck."

 Thankfully, Torvi came over to join the group, a welcome distraction for Kari as she was sure the fire in Ivar's gaze was enough to set her ablaze and further stoke her own heat. 

 Torvi settled into Sigurd's now absent spot. "What did I miss?" 

 "Kari said Ivar's cock is bigger than Sigurd's." Hvitserk stated smugly. 

 Torvi stared at Kari with a tilt of her head and an amused grin. "Really? And how did we get on the subject of dicks already?"

 Some of the group laughed as Kari covered her face once again, mortified that she was the center of attention because of what she thoughtlessly said. She had the sneaking suspicion none of them would ever let her live this down. 

 "Alright, enough. Come on, it's girl time now." Gyda grabbed Kari's hand and dragged her to her feet, much to Ivar's obvious chagrin. She scoffed, meeting her half-brother's gaze. "I'll give her back later."

 The three women wandered over to some open chairs further down from the guys and closer to the Buddha statue. Gyda carried the wine bottle and her glass while Kari carefully held her own glass. Torvi snatched a beer from a nearby cooler as they meandered over. Gyda settled on a single, lounge chair adjacent to a cushioned two-person seat which the other two sat on. 

 "Alright, we have a very serious matter to discuss. Your answer may or may not break our friendship." Gyda started, leaning forward as she pointed a single finger at the brunette. 

 Kari found herself straightening in her seat, hand clutching her wine glass tighter. 

 Eyes intent, Gyda's voice dropped conspiringly. "Who is sexier: Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes?"

 Shock rendered Kari momentarily speechless. At Gyda's serious tone, she had imagined a topic that would involve confessing a secret, not…. not a movie franchise. "Um…. Bucky." She hesitantly answered. 

 "Yes!!" Gyda shouted, throwing her arms up and almost spilling her wine. "I knew I liked you! Ivar, she is mine now!"

 Kari laughed at her enthusiasm; all concern having vanished instantly. "I take it you like him too?"

 "Hell yeah. I would willingly choke on his cock or he could pound my pussy to pulp and I wouldn't complain either way."

 Torvi shook her head, a hint of a smile tilting the corners of her lips up. "Something's wrong with you."

 "You prefer Steve?" Kari inquired, once she recovered from choking on air at Gyda's blunt statement. Her friend always had a way of surprising her, and giving her second-hand embarrassment.

 Torvi shrugged. "A tall, handsome blond. That's my kind of man."

 Peeking over at Bjorn who was still playing in the pool with both kids, Kari hummed thoughtfully. "Huh. Makes sense."

 "No wonder you are with Ivar if you prefer Bucky Barnes."

 "But we aren't…. together." Kari fixed her eyes on her wine, knowing her answer sounded lame even to her own ears. 

 Gyda patted her leg. "You keep telling yourself that."

 "We're just friends."

 "No, you aren't."

 "Kari, it's fine." Torvi shot Gyda a look. "It's between you two, it's not really our business."

 "She's our friend!" Gyda whined, throwing herself back in her seat dramatically. 

 "And she will let us know if something changes. Including telling us if Ivar does something stupid and we need to kick his ass."

 Kari giggled as Torvi tapped her beer bottle against her wine glass. "I promise. Hvitserk already made me swear too."

 "Good. So is Ivar really that good in bed?" 

 "Gyda!" Kari exclaimed but laughed at how shameless her friend was. 

 Torvi thankfully changed the topic of conversation to Ubbe's birthday coming up next month. Asa wandered over, wrapped in a green and brown towel with long ears sticking out that made her look like baby Yoda. When Sigurd eventually appeared, Hali dragged him to the pool where they jumped in together. Not long after, Hvitserk joined them, doing a cannon-ball with the splash almost hitting the ladies. 

 Kari chatted with Torvi and Gyda for some time, enjoying herself immensely. The topics varied, but she never felt unincluded. More than once, she glanced over, only to find Ivar's gaze already on her. After the third time, he tipped his head to the side and patted the spot next to him. A not-so subtle invitation or demand, depending on how you looked at it. 

 A smile teased her lips and she nodded. She started to rise, with her second glass of wine in hand, when the sound of a loud "shit" from Gyda distracted her. 

 "What is she doing here?" Torvi quietly asked with an undertone of frustration. 

 Curious, Kari followed their gazes towards the door leading into the glassed-in porch. She was met with the sight of two blondes emerging in matching, white swimsuits that barely seemed to cover anything. Both strutted as if they were on a runway, while chatting with one another. 

 "Kari, go sit with Ivar." Gyda encouraged, snatching her hand and leading her back without a moment's hesitation towards where Ivar and Ubbe were still sitting. The wine was left forgotten on the side table. 

 "What's going on?" Kari asked in a hushed tone. 

 "Drama. I can't believe that bitch brought her. What was she thinking?"

 "Gyda?"

 She clicked her tongue but hurriedly whispered back. "That's Ivar's ex."

 Surprise made Kari almost stumble but she managed to catch herself at the last second. Further explanations had to wait because they came upon the brothers at the same time the two blondes did. Soon as Kari was close enough, Ivar held out his hand, a sweet gesture, but she could see the tension and anger in the set of his shoulders and the thin line of his lips. Silently, he guided her to sit between his spread legs, arms banding around her waist and pulling her indecently close. For once though, she did not complain. 

 "Hey, baby." One of the blondes said in a sickly-sweet voice as she pressed a kiss to Ubbe's cheek. "Sorry we're late."

 "It's fine." Ubbe slowly answered as he shifted his gaze to the other blonde. "I didn't know you were bringing someone."

 "This is supposed to be family only." Gyda snapped, having dropped into her seat next to Ivar and Kari. 

 The blonde, who stood next to Ubbe still, narrowed her eyes at Kari. "Then why is she here?" 

 "That's Ivar's girlfriend." Ubbe answered.

 "Uh, hi, I'm Kari." She decided to speak up, hoping introductions would somehow break the rising tension. At her words, Ivar momentarily dropped his head to kiss her shoulder. Unsure if his actions were encouraging or reprimanding, she laid her hands over his, which were still wrapped around her. 

 "Hmmm…. Margrethe." She replied flatly, with a pinched look, as if talking to Kari was beneath her. "I'm Ubbe's fiancé."

 The other blonde smiled pleasantly as she looked Kari in the eye. "I'm Freydis. It's lovely to meet you."

 "Yeah, nice to meet you too." Kari managed to say around the suddenly tightened grip around her waist. She would be a liar if she said she was not intimidated by Freydis. While both women were beautiful, something that seemed required to be in the presence of the Lothbrok family, Freydis was a step beyond that. With her doll-like features, lovely blue eyes and flawless skin, she was gorgeous. Kari could feel all her own insecurities screaming at her in the presence of Ivar's ex. How the youngest Lothbrok went from someone as stunning as Freydis to as girl-next-door as Kari, she had no idea….and it made her uncomfortable. 

 "What the fuck is she doing here?" Ivar demanded, ignoring Freydis' presence completely.  

 Margrethe rolled her eyes as her hand slowly stroked across Ubbe's shoulders. "I get bored and wanted to spend time with my best friend, so fuck off." She turned her head to look at Freydis beside her. "Come on, let's get something to drink." 

 After a quick kiss to Ubbe, the two headed back towards the house but not before Freydis glanced back at Ivar and Kari one last time. 

 Once they were far enough away, Gyda rounded on Ubbe, not even bothering to contain her ire. "Fiancé? Really, Ubbe?" She sneered. 

 "Hell no. I haven't proposed. I damn well don't plan to and she knows it."

 "Why are you still with her? She's a greedy bitch."

 "Gyda, I know you don't like her but she's still my girlfriend."

 "Who the fuck knows why." 

 Ubbe turned his attention to Ivar. "I swear I didn't know she was bringing Freydis. I'd have told her not to come then."

 "As long as she stays the fuck away from me, I don't give a shit." The dark-haired Lothbrok growled at his older brother. 

 The residual tension in the air was painful to abide in. It felt like a caged animal, pacing, waiting, ready for the moment to unleash a terrorizing attack. 

 "Hey, I have a question." Kari blurted out, unable to take the way the tension made her skin feel like it was being sunburned. Once Gyda and Ubbe shifted to watch her, she posed her question. "Ah, well, I've been wondering for a while but why don't you guys have bodyguards or something?"

 Ivar snorted, brushing her hair over her shoulder to press his face into the crook of her neck, making her squirm although he did not relent his position. 

 It was Ubbe that answered with a wide grin. "Eh, we don't need them. We can handle ourselves."

 "But you guys have drivers, isn't the next step to have bodyguards?"

 "You worried for us?" Ivar whispered, nipping at her skin, only to soothe the spot with his tongue. 

 "I'm serious."

 "Let's just say we know how to protect ourselves. Besides, no one is stupid enough to come after us." Ubbe concluded, raising his beer in a mock salute.

 Gyda snickered. "This is why I stay out of the family business."

 "You've no issue spending Father's money though." Ubbe retorted in a jovial way. 

 She shrugged and sent Kari a playful wink. 

 A minute later, Bjorn, Torvi and Asa came over, taking open seats with Asa sitting in Torvi's lap. Even though Kari had met Bjorn before, it still shocked her to see how much larger he was compared to the other brothers, both in size and physique. Now sitting next to Torvi, he appeared larger. With his long, braided ponytail and shaved sides, a short beard and sharp, blue eyes, he seemed quite formidable. Kari wondered briefly if that helped with the family business. 

 "See Kari there, she is the one who teaches yoga." Torvi softly said to Asa. 

 Asa peeked over at Kari, shyly smiling, still wrapped in her towel but with a juice box in hand. 

 "I bet if you ask nicely, she might show you something." Torvi said then looked up at Kari. "Lately she loves watching me do yoga at home. It's cute when she tries to do it with me."

 Bjorn chuckled, slinging an arm over the back of his wife's chair. "And usually falls down onto her face."

 "Hey, she's trying!" Torvi defended, elbowing Bjorn in the side.

 Looking at the little girl across the circle of seats, Kari smiled. "Want me to show you something I've been working on? I'm not very good at it though, so if I fall over, you can laugh at me. I'll be laughing at myself too."

 Asa nodded fervently, eyes wide in anticipation. 

 "What do you say?" Torvi tapped her daughter's nose. 

 Asa looked up at her mom then back to Kari. "Please." Even though it came out sounding more like "peas".

 "Sure. I need to stretch some first." Kari stood up and immediately had to slap Ivar's hand away that prowled down the curve of her ass. She tried to glare at him over her shoulder, only to be met with a mock innocence. Overly aware of the eyes on her, she chose a spot nearby in the plush, green grass, trying to keep her nerves to a minimum. Carefully, she warmed up her muscles, doing a few simple stretches so as not to hurt herself. Honestly, she was nervous since she never did advanced poses in front of others. It was not that she was unable to, for she did them frequently at home on her own time. It just felt like she was vying for attention or trying to show off when she did advanced poses in view of others. Conflicting memories of her grandmother's encouraging voice fought with her mother's reprimand in her mind as she stretched. 

 "What are you going to do?" Gyda called over, returning from retrieving her wine glass and bottle. 

 The question pulled her from her mind's internal war, bringing her back to the present. "Um, it's called the super soldier."

 "Oooo, I like it already."

 Once stretched, Kari stood frozen for a moment realizing she was going to need to take her cover off to do the pose. 

 "Kari, you look sexy as hell, now take the damn cover off." Gyda called out. 

 Kari hesitated, fears and insecurities rising afresh within her. 

 "Do it or Ivar will get his ass up and help you. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

 "I hate you." She mumbled but gave in. Slowly, she walked back over to the circle of chairs, pulling the white cover off and dropped it on the lounge chair Ivar still sat on. Her eyes briefly flickered up only to meet Ivar's smoldering gaze. Instantly, she could feel herself flush. Hoping no one noticed, she moved back to her grassy spot. A loud wolf-whistle came from the direction of the pool, most likely from Hvitserk but Kari ignored it, knowing if she thought about it too much, she would make a run for it. Mentally preparing herself, she pulled her hair back into a bun on the nape of her neck, then faced the group but kept her gaze downward, too scared to look at them. 

 After taking a deep breath, she bent over to lay her hands flat on the grass without bending her knees. Next, she hooked her right shoulder behind her knee and extended her left arm for balance. She took a long, deep breath before continuing onward. Then she lifted her left foot and grabbed it with her right hand, still tucked behind her right leg. After another deep breath, she pulled her left leg up until her knee was pointed towards the sky. She held it there for three breaths before slowly releasing her leg back down and carefully straightening back up. 

 A small round of applause greeted her when she straightened. 

 "Another!"

 "You go, Kari!"

 "Do another one!"

 Blushing furiously at the cheers, she leaned forward into downward facing dog. Carefully, she slid her hands forward until her elbows touched the grass with her ass still in the air. Taking a deep breath and hoping she did not make a fool of herself, she engaged her core and kicked her legs up so she was doing a handstand but still on her elbows. Once she felt stable, she pressed her legs together and slowly bent her knees until they were almost parallel with her forearms on the ground. Feeling the burn in her core and arms, she hoped she could finish the pose without falling on her face. Next, she lowered her legs, knees apart now and big toes touching until her feet touched the top of her head. She could not help the smile that stretched across her face as she held the pose for a couple seconds, making sure to breathe slow. Scorpion pose was one she was still trying to master on her own, let alone in front of others. If anything, this felt like a victory for her. Methodically she unfurled, bringing her legs up and then back to the ground. 

 When she finally stood up, brushing the grass off her forearms, it was to another round of applause.

 "That was amazing!" Torvi said. 

 "I was thinking sexy as fuck!" Hvitserk exclaimed, a smile on his face from where he now stood, leaning against Ubbe's chair. 

 Self-consciously, Kari tugged on her swimsuit, making sure everything was tucked into place, as much as it could be, before pulling her hair out of the bun. She walked back over to the lounge chair quickly and yanked the cover back over her body. 

 "I'm going to wash my hands." She said without meeting anyone's eyes, skirting around the group and heading towards the glassed-in porch. 

 Laughter erupted behind her as she approached the door but she ignored it as she walked inside. She padded through the porch, stomach twisting in knots, and turned into the kitchen. Her feet stuttered to a halt as she noticed Margrethe and Freydis standing there with bottles of something in hand. For a split second she thought about turning and heading to the bathroom but it was too late as the two blondes noticed her intrusion. 

 "Hi, I just need to wash my hands." Kari explained. After a moment's hesitation, she walked around the opposite side of the massive island from them and towards the kitchen sink.

 "So, you're Ivar's girlfriend?" Margrethe stated with a mocking undertone. "I didn't think someone like you was his…. type."

 "Margrethe…." Freydis chided. 

 "What? Look at her. I mean she's got tits and an ass, and I guess she could be pretty but that's it."

 "I'm sorry." Freydis apologized kindly. After a long, awkward pause where the kitchen was silent besides Kari washing her hands, she asked, "How long have you and Ivar been together?"

 "Um, we aren't…. we’re just friends." Kari found herself admitting, as she finished drying her hands and turned around to see them both staring at her. Though Freydis had a gentle smile on her face, Margrethe looked nothing less than the cat that caught the canary and planned on lording it over everyone. 

 "Oh?" 

 "See. Told you, Dis. He is still single." Margrethe smugly said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "He's just playing the game."

 "Game?" Kari muttered aloud. 

 Freydis set her glass down and came around the island to stand in front of Kari. Her blue eyes were bright as they met Kari's. "You seem like a nice girl and clearly the others like you too. So, I'll be honest because I don't want you to get caught up in the Lothbrok drama and get hurt. Okay?"

 "Okay."

 "Ivar and I are getting back together. We're just taking a break right now. Truly, I know we are destined for each other and he agrees. We had a bad fight and needed some space but he loves me just as much as I love him. So, I know he will come back to me when he is ready. I'm so sorry to tell you that you're just the rebound girl. I'm sure he likes you but that's as far as it will ever go. Gyda likes to try and mess with the brothers' love lives so I am sorry if she dragged you into this without telling you the whole truth. It's not your fault. I am sure Gyda lied to you and probably Ivar too. But it's good for you to know now. I don't hold it against you if you've have had sex with him but just know your time with him is limited, okay? How long have you two been 'friends'?"

 "We met last month." Kari whispered, dread and despair a writhing mess of snakes churning in her stomach. Air refused to fill her lungs, leaving her struggling for breath. 

 Freydis sighed. "It probably will be soon then. Just take advantage of the things he purchases for you, so when he leaves, you can have something to sell if you're in a pinch. Yeah?"

 "Ah…. sure."

 "Good. You seem like a nice girl. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this."

 "It's…." Kari choked back a sudden sob. "It's alright. Thank you."

 "Of course, we girls need to look out for each other. Is there anything I can do for you?" She inquired, sounding so genuine in her desire to help, her gaze imploring and lips in a faint, comforting smile. 

 "No…. no. I just need to check my phone. Have you seen Gyda's bag?"

 "I think she left it on the porch." Margrethe helpfully added, never having lost the smug grin on her face as she watched Kari with a hawk-like intensity. 

 "Oh, right. Thank you." Kari shifted back and forth on her feet, body primed to run, to flee before anyone could see the tears that welled pathetically in her eyes. 

 Freydis reached out and squeezed her arm, a brief exchange of understanding, then strutted back around to grab her drink and follow Margrethe to the porch and outside. 

 Once alone, Kari pressed a hand over her mouth to try and stifle the sob that lodged itself in her throat. She knew it. Everything Freydis said made sense. 

 Without a second thought, she rushed around the island and onto the porch, quickly locating Gyda's bag. She scooped her purse and clothes out only to hurry back inside. A quick check of the time and she figured she might be able to catch a bus, but in this gated community, there was no way buses came through so she would end up walking somewhere. Feeling the sting of tears in her eyes, she sniffled, trying desperately to hold them back. She looked up the nearest bus stop on her phone, pleased it was only a few blocks away from the gated community. 

 Once positive she knew where she was going, she stared down at her clothes on the counter, wondering if she should change before leaving. It would certainly look odd for her to be walking down the street in the swimsuit cover and sandals in such an upscale neighborhood. Then she thought about any of the Lothbroks finding her trying to leave and pushed the potential oddity of her attire from her mind. It appeared there was a gas station nearby when she found the bus stop, it would be simple to change there quickly. Somehow she could give the swimsuit and cover back to Torvi…. but not today. Right now, she needed to leave. 

 She tried to shove her clothes into her purse, only succeeding by making it look like an over-inflated balloon but it worked. Lastly, she reached to grab her phone off the kitchen counter but froze. Ivar bought it for her. Freydis' words came back to her about taking advantage of the things he bought for her. Bile burned the back of her throat at the idea. She promised herself she would not be one of those girls to him. Slowly, she retracted her hand, forming it into a fist by her side. Ivar could give the phone to Freydis or throw it in the trash for all she cared. Even with the feeling of her heart being ripped in two, she refused to take advantage of him or his money. She was a better person than that. Or so she hoped. 

 Worried someone would come in soon, she tossed her purse over her shoulder and swiftly headed towards the front door. She passed through the hallway she entered in, but the pictures and awards blurred before her eyes as the repressed tears threatened to make an appearance. Hastily, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand but knew it was ultimately futile. 

 "Kari?" 

 Her stride never faltered towards her escape, even after hearing Hvitserk call her name from what sounded like the porch. 

 "Kari? Where are you going?" His voice came from behind her, probably standing at the entrance of the hallway now. 

 "I have to go." Kari said, not bothering to turn around, unsure if he could even hear her. She could barely hear footsteps behind her over the sound of her sniffles and ragged breathing. It did not matter since she was close to her escape, just a couple more moments. Her hand touched the handle, just beginning to pull the door open when Hvitserk's hand appeared in her direct line of vision and slammed it closed. Although the sound was muffled, it echoed in her mind like a gunshot. 

 "What's going on?" Hvitserk stood directly behind her, his hand still firmly planted on the door as if to prevent her from even considering leaving without permission again. 

 "It's nothing." She murmured, staring down at her feet. 

 "I seriously doubt that if you are trying to sneak away while crying…. what happened?"

 "Nothing. I just…. I just want to go home."

 "Okay." He shifted to lean his shoulder against the door, ducking his head to try and catch her eyes. "Does this have to do with the yoga stuff?"

 "No. Just…. please, Hvitserk."

 "You need to tell me something. Look, I'll give you a ride, we can leave right now but you have to tell me what happened."

 She swallowed thickly, still refusing to look at him. It was taking all of her willpower to keep the tears at bay. At any moment she felt the tears would come forth with all the power of a hurricane, reducing her to a sniveling mess on the floor, nursing a broken heart. It was all her fault though. How could she have believed someone like Ivar Lothbrok would actually be interested in her for more than just a one-night stand. She was just a challenge for him, someone to pass the time. Then once she gave in, once they finally had sex, he would walk out of her life and back into Freydis' arms and bed…. where he apparently belonged. 

 "Kari?" Hvitserk softly prompted. 

 "It's…. I just have a better understanding now…. of where I stand…. of my purpose here."

 "Your purpose?"

 She sniffed, wiping her wet eyes once again before the tears fell. "I'm just a rebound girl….and that's alright. I get it. But I just want to go home now." 

 "Fuck. Freydis said that, didn't she?"

 "It doesn't matter. Can you please just take me to the bus stop, I can get home from there." She knew she was begging but she did not care anymore. 

 "Kari, give me that." He grabbed her purse from her and tossed it onto a wooden side table. His hands held hers in a manner that was comforting verse restraining. His thumbs rubbed along the back of her hands as he softly spoke. "Look at me, you know it's not like that."

 "It doesn't matter." She shook her head, even as her hands gripped his tighter, the feeling being the only thing keeping her from falling apart at the front door. "I shouldn't have let Gyda bring me here. I should have made her drop me off."

 "Kari…." He began but was interrupted. 

 "Hvitty?" Ivar's loud voice boomed from the kitchen. "You better not be trying to fuck Kari!"

 Kari flinched at the sound. The facade of strength she fought to maintain evaporated like smoke. The tears she had been trying so desperately to withhold slipped free, rolling down her cheeks like a cleansing rain.  

 "Over here!" Hvitserk called back, releasing her hands but not moving away. 

 Ivar's measured gait could be heard coming down the hallway like the footsteps of doom. 

 "What the fuck is going on? You disappear to find Kari and then…." His voice trailed off as he entered the foyer, piercing gaze zeroing in on her tear-stained face. What sense of jovial teasing transformed into enraged fury. When he spoke next, it came out in an animalistic growl that bespoke impending violence. "Who fucking hurt you?"

 "I'm fine." She mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself. Her chin rested on her chest, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "I just want to go home."

 "Freydis….and I'm betting Margrethe also said something to her." Hvitserk snitched, leaning fully against the door. He watched both Kari and his brother as if ready to intervene at a moment's notice. 

 Ivar snapped, stepping closer. "What did they say?"

 She was unsure who he directed his question to but she still shook her head, refusing to look at either brother. Hearing his wrath, it only made her heart ache more. All of this was a show, it had to be. Why would he truly care? The sound of his heavy gait coming closer brought a fresh wave of silent tears. 

 Moving to her other side, he cupped her cheek. When she resisted looking at him, he shifted his hand to grab the back of her neck, forcing her gaze to meet his. A tempest swirled in his icy blue eyes. "What. Did. They. Say?"

 "Why does it matter?" She questioned, bottom lip trembling as a sob rose from her chest. 

 "Because they hurt you."

 "But I'm no one. I don't matter." She shook her head, pressing a hand over her mouth to contain the cries bound to escape at any moment. "You're just going to get back together with Freydis when you get bored with me."

 His eyes widened as if she had sucker-punched him. His mouth dropped open for a moment before he collected himself, the maelstrom rippling under his skin on the verge of breaking free. "Did they say that?"

 "Freydis said…. she said you two were just taking a break….and I'm the rebound girl."

 "Fuck. Fuck!" Ivar stepped away, running his hands through his loose hair. In an instant, he grabbed the decorative bowl off the entrance table and threw it. The shattering against the wall reverberated in the foyer followed by Ivar's guttural shout. "FUCK!" 

 "Ivar." Hvitserk softly said, warily watching his younger brother. 

 "I'm going to kill her. Fuck! I can't believe she would fucking say that!" Ivar ran his hands through his hair again, looking on the verge of ripping the strands out. The ferocity in his eyes was unmatched as he glanced down the hallway, clearly wanting to go after his ex, then shifted back to Kari, who remained silent and unmoving. "What else did she say?" He barked at her. 

 "You're destined for each other." She confessed after a moment's hesitation. 

 Ivar stormed over to her, devouring the ground beneath his feet as he invaded her space. Standing before her, he cupped her face, eyes imploring her to believe him. "Freydis is a crazy, jealous bitch. She manipulates to get what she wants. Don't believe a word out of her fucking mouth. Fuck! Please, Kari, don't cry. I'm right here, kitten."

 His words seeped into her mind, slipping in through the cracks and delving deep into her soul. His words alone should not have reassured her like they did. Between his pleading eyes and his gentle touch, her few walls surrounding her heart crumbled, unable to fight him. She believed him, even before her mind fully recognized it. 

 She lightly placed her hands on his bare chest, one directly over his heart, feeling the rapid tempo under her fingers. "Promise?" She whispered wetly. "You're not just…. I’m not just a rebound girl?"

 Ivar groaned, pressing his forehead to Kari's. "I swear. I never thought that about you." 

 And she believed him again. The truth falling from his lips resounded in the very core of her being. It made no sense how she knew, but somehow, she did. 

 After a long second, Hvitserk pushed off the door from next to them. "I'm going to head back and keep an eye on them. Kari, if you still want a ride just text me, alright?" 

 "Thank you, Hvitty." She reached out and snagged his hand, giving it a quick squeeze. With a smile, he responded in kind before heading down the hallway towards the backyard. 

 Soon as Hvitserk started walking away, Ivar grabbed her hand and led her in the opposite direction. They hurried through a short hallway to arrive at a closed door. Impatiently, Ivar thrust the door open and pulled her into a room, slamming the door shut behind them. She had a brief moment to scan the new room and notice the two walls with floor to ceiling bookshelves packed full and the couple couches near a large window. 

 Before she could do anything, she shrieked as she found herself suddenly yanked back, her body colliding with the closed door. Immediately Ivar's mouth claimed hers in a hungry, feverish kiss. His body pinned her to the door, hands kneading her hips. It was all she could do to just breathe. Her hands clung to his broad shoulders, desperate to stay above the waves of passion-fueled desire that surged unchecked within her. 

 Ivar withdrew his mouth from hers, but only to place kisses over her cheeks, washing away her tears with his affections. "Don't listen to her. Her and I. We are through. I will never go back to her. She has been sniffing around but that ends tonight. I won't fucking let her talk to you again. I fucking swear it."

 "Ivar…." She whined, tilting her head. An open invitation which he took. 

 He swooped in, continuing to speak between leaving open-mouth kisses on her neck. "It's you. It's you I want. It's you I think about all the time. Fuck, kitten, you have no idea how much I want you. And seeing you do those yoga poses in that swimsuit…. fuck! You looked so goddamn sexy; I got a hard-on just watching." He grabbed her thigh, lifting it up and curling it behind him, pressing himself against her core. At the touch of his hardened length against her, she whimpered. "Do you feel that? That's for you, søte Kari."

 She could not help but roll her hips, grinding against his erection, body automatically seeking friction. 

 "Yes! Fuck." He growled against her neck. "Come here."

 She whined when he released her leg, letting it fall down to the floor. Her breathing was unsteady already, heart hammering away in her chest. A part of her knew she should stop this, open the door behind her and walk out to avoid the temptation. Yet when his hand latched onto hers once again, tugging her towards one of the couches, she followed willingly, unable to deny the sweet sin that was Ivar.

 He dropped onto the couch and settled her into his lap to straddle him. As she settled, he grabbed a handful of the cover over her and yanked it off, tossing it haphazardly onto the floor. Her first instinct was to cover her chest, but as her arms moved to do that, Ivar guided them behind his head. His gaze drunk in the curves of her body, an unashamed starved look in his eyes that made her shudder as it further ignited the fire in her belly. 

 "Kattungen min." He whispered reverently. "Fucking hell, so gorgeous. No one else gets to touch you like I do. Got it? You're mine." He started lavishing her chest and neck with his mouth, alternating between his lips and tongue. 

 She knew she should feel more self-conscious straddling Ivar's lap in only the swimsuit that barely covered all of her assets; but it was as if his touch banished the thoughts away. Instead she felt beautiful and cherished. 

 He palmed one of her breasts and the moan that escaped her was pure wanton. Hands tangled in his long locks as her hips ground harder against his erection in response. His leg braces were only an afterthought that did not impede her actions. 

 "Ivar, please."

 "That's it. Fuck, you're so beautiful. I can't wait to fuck you senseless."

 Suddenly he shifted under her, his hand fumbling between them. Her mind barely took notice as he sucked the skin between her breasts, something that would definitely leave a mark. Next thing she knew, his cock was freed, standing at attention between them. 

 Before she could protest, he spoke up. "I know you're not ready." He slid it under her, pulling her hips back down. At the sensation of his cock rubbing her slit with only the thin barrier of the bikini bottom between them, she threw her head back with a whine. Desire roared through her like a freight train as his cock rubbed against her soaking core. 

 "You like that, kitten?"

 "Yes." She sighed out, head tilted back as she rolled her hips. 

 "Good, my turn." He reached behind her and promptly untied the straps of the bikini top behind her back. 

 "Ivar!" She tried to cover herself but he swatted her hands away. 

 "Trust me."

 Once she relented, he laid a hard kiss to her lips then tugged the top over her head, the band behind her neck without a tie. She desperately wanted to cover herself, now before him feeling on full display. But it was the look on his face that stilled her movements. 

 "Guder. Du er utsøkt. Faen. Den vakreste kvinnen." He murmured with adoration and awe dripping off each word. 

 "What did you say?"

 Instead of answering her, he lowered his face to her chest and captured one of her perky nipples in his mouth. His other hand moved to grab one of her ass cheeks, encouraging her to keep riding him. 

 All breath vanished from her lungs. All thoughts and insecurities fled under his touch. Her hands tangled in his hair, keeping his mouth on her. All she could feel was him. All she wanted to feel was him. Gasps and moans slipped from her as she allowed herself to be overtaken and drawn into an ocean of pleasure. 

 She could feel herself rising higher and higher, riding the wave. Her mind was becoming delirious from fire in her veins and the motion of her hips rocking over his exposed cock. 

 To her surprise, Ivar grabbed a handful of hair at the back of her neck. "That's it, beautiful. Fuck. Let's see what that bendy spine can do." Carefully, he pulled on her hair, not in a painful way but as if to guide her. Willingly submitting herself, she bent her back, following his lead. When her chest was parallel to the ceiling, he stopped pulling, keeping her suspended with her back arched. 

 Ivar groaned loudly, thrusting against her. She met his action, too absorbed in the bliss to care about decency. 

 "All the dirty, fucking things this makes me want to do to you." He licked a scalding line up her sternum, only to swirl his tongue around one of her nipples, making her mewl as she continued to move her hips faster. "Come for me."

 "Yes, yes." She chanted. "Ivar, please."

 "Keep begging, kitten. Let me know how much you want my cock."

 As her climax hit, the tightening coil in her core sprung loose, her mouth dropped open in a silent scream. Wave after wave rolled over her. She could feel Ivar grunt and thrust a few more times beneath her before retracing his cock and spurting onto her exposed stomach. After he released her hair, letting her rise back up to face him. Their eyes fixated on one another, chests heaving as they struggled for breath. 

 Gently, she reached out and touched his cheek, a shy smile on her face. Then, when he made no move to pull away, she leaned forward, uncaring of his cum slipping down her stomach, and drew him into a lazy, slow kiss. He responded, lips melding to hers in a way that was full of softness and contentment. After a moment, she felt him reach behind him for the blanket laying on the back of the couch and wipe her stomach off, all the while never abandoning their kiss. 

 Once she was clean, he dropped the blanket to the floor and somehow managed to keep their lips locked as he guided them to lay down on the couch, their bare chests pressed together and his arm under her head, legs tangled. 

 "Do you believe me now?" He eventually asked, leaning back but only far enough so the tips of their noses almost touched. 

 "Mmmm?"

 "That it's you I want. Freydis and anyone else can go fuck themselves for all I care."

 She bit her bottom lip and dropped her gaze. "I don't understand why."

 "What are you talking about?"

 "I mean…. Margrethe said I'm not your…. type."

 He snorted and muttered under his breath, "fucking bitch".

 "But she's right." Kari pressed onward, her hand running up and down his side as if to ground herself. "I mean, I could never compare to Freydis…. or Torvi or Gyda or any of them. They are all beautiful and….and in perfect shape. I'm not. My thighs and butt are too big and I'm maybe pretty but that's it."

 "You're right. You're not my usual type. But those girls, I'd fuck them and then never look their way again. You though, fuck, I can barely take my eyes off you when you're around. And these," he reached down and grabbed a handful of one of her ass cheeks, making her squeak. "I love them. And these thighs, fucking hell, kitten, I want you to suffocate me with them when I finally eat you out."

 She gasped, a bolt of electricity shooting through her at the image. 

 A devilish grin grew on his face, his hand stroking her ass cheek. "You like that idea? My tongue teasing your folds before slipping inside of you. Your thighs wrapped around my head as I feast on your pussy."

 "Ivar." She whined, unable to stop the sudden roll of her hips. 

 "Soon, sweet Kari." He chuckled darkly, ceasing her movement by melding their hips together. "And your tits, gods, they are perfect. I could stare at them all day."

 She giggled even as she flushed under his praise. "I'm sorry for doubting you. I guess, I'm still just surprised you'd…. well, that you want me."

 "You are mine. You're my woman." He stated resolutely, gazing directly into her eyes so she could see how serious he was. 

 "But we aren't dating…."

 "Doesn't fucking matter. You're mine. And one of these days you'll change your mind and stop playing this game of trying to keep me away."

 She sighed, wishing it would be that easy. Before he could continue with that argument, she changed the subject. "You know, I think we exceeded our kiss quota for the day."

 He snorted. "I didn't see you complaining earlier."

 "That's true. Do you think we should head back out?"

 "If I see Freydis or Margrethe right now…." His voice trailed off, but the fury from earlier lingered in the unspoken threat. 

 "I know. We don't have too. I'm okay right here." 

 A grateful smile on his lips, he kissed her quickly then rolled her onto her back and laid his head on her chest. They relaxed like that for several minutes in silence, her hand running through his hair, just enjoying the feeling of complacency and peace between them now after their fight. If you could even call it that. 

 Finally, she spoke up in a hushed tone, a random question coming to mind. "Do you ever get in the pool?"

 "No."

 "Oh." Was all she could say after his sharp, barbed answer. Clearly it was a subject that was not open for discussion. Her mind wandered, wondering what happened to cause such a response from him. An uncomfortable tension hung over them after his response. Something she was not sure if she should try and dissipate or ignore for now. 

 After a minute of continued silence, he kissed her chest, letting his lips linger there as if using the extra time to mentally prepare himself. Before she could tell him it was none of her business, he spoke. His tone was quiet and, in anyone else, almost shaky. 

 "I…. I used to try when I was younger. They'd put me on one of those stupid floating things and pull me around or someone would hold me. Then, when I was about seven…. Sigurd and I got in a big fight earlier that day. He claimed I broke one of his toys. Fucking asshole. I was sitting by the pool, this in our childhood home in Kattegat, I liked to watch things float on the water. Sigurd walked by me and….and pushed me over the edge."

 She gasped. "Oh Ivar…."

 "Ubbe jumped in and pulled my half-drown ass out." He nuzzled against her skin; his tone having lost the insecurity as he reassured her. "I'm alright, Kari."

 She drew his face up and gave him a long kiss, their mouth connecting with a deeper need and alleviation. "Remind me to thank Ubbe when I see him next."

 He rolled his eyes. "Don't. He's never let me forget the fact."

 "Still."

 They laid there for some more time, wrapped up in one another and content in the peaceful stillness. She could not help but think about the memory Ivar shared with her. How far back did that resentment go between the brothers? Had there ever been a time where they cared for one another? And how bad was the animosity between them if one was willing to kill the other, even as children? If her arms tightened around him, neither one mentioned it as they continued to lay there. 

 A loud knock on the door followed by a yell through the door of "are you two done yet?" disturbed their peace. 

 "Hvits, fuck off!" Ivar called back, burrowing his face between her breasts. 

 "Do you have clothes on at least?!"

 "I do!" 

 Kari swatted the back of Ivar's head at his admission. Leaning up slightly, he gave her a cheeky wink before laying his head back down. 

 "Well cover up, I'm coming in!" Hvitserk yelled through the door. 

 "Ivar, get up." Kari softly said, a panic setting in at the brother coming in and seeing them in this suggestive position and her topless. 

 "No." He mumbled. 

 Before she could shove him off, he snatched the throw blanket off the floor and threw it over his head to cover her chest. As she began to protest, the door cautiously opened. In an instant, she tried to spread out the blanket over them as best as she could, keeping the blanket over her chest and spread it somewhat over their torsos. Although how much good it did was questionable. She peered over to see Hvitserk standing in the doorway with an amused look before shaking his head and stepping in, closing the door behind him. 

 "What the fuck do you want?" Ivar asked, muffled by the blanket and his face still pressed against her skin. 

 Kari raised her gaze to the ceiling for a moment then mouthed to Hvitserk, "I'm sorry."

 Hvitserk winked at her before answering. "Bjorn and Torvi want everyone together before they leave. Sounds like they have an announcement or something."

 "Are the bitches still here?"

 "Yeah." Hvitserk sighed. 

 "Then no."

 "I'll go." Kari softly said. "It must be important."

 "No, you aren't." Ivar nipped at the side of her breast, making her squirm. 

 "Well everyone is waiting on you two." Hvitserk pointed out as he watched, clearly entertained if his broad grin said anything. 

 "I'm coming."

 Ivar pulled the blanket back slightly to stare up at her. "Why the fuck do you want to see them?"

 "Is it….is it terrible I want to show Frey…. her that I'm still here. That no matter what they said, that I'm not going anywhere."

 A positively, feral grin spread over his face. He swooped in and pressed a devastating kiss to her mouth, not letting up until she thought she would suffocate from the intensity of it. "Let's go." 

 He started to rise up but when she squeaked and tried to clutch the blanket to her, he froze. 

 "Hvits, leave."

 "You sure I can't stay?" His smirk grew as he caught Kari's eye and watched her flush deepen. 

 "GO!" Ivar bellowed, glaring at his older brother. 

 "Fine. I'll wait out here for you. If you're not out in three minutes, I'm coming back in." Hvitserk stepped outside and closed the door behind him. 

 Ivar carefully slid off of her, standing up beside the couch, the blanket in hand. His predatory, blue eyes remained trained on her form, raking over her body like a sweet he wanted to devour completely. A familiar warmth awakened in her core, even as she shyly glanced away, covering her naked breasts with her hands. 

 "Fuck, you're gorgeous. On second thought, I think we should stay. I need another taste of you and to hear you moaning my name for everyone to fucking hear."

 She squealed, quickly skirting away from him before he could pounce on her. "Ivar, no!" Yet, miraculously, he managed to snag an arm around her waist and drag her back against his chest. 

 "Should we make an announcement of our own?" He asked, running his nose along the shell of her ear, chuckling under his breath when she shivered against him.

 "What do you mean?"

 "That you're my girlfriend. That this just-friends is shit."

 "I…." She balked, eyes wide and heart beating a painful staccato in her chest. “We…. we can't."

 "Why the fuck not?" He grasped her breasts, rolling her peaked nipples between his fingers. 

 She practically swallowed her tongue, biting back the moan lodged in her throat. When she was positive she could control her voice, she replied. "We've talked about this. I'm just…. I’m not ready."

 "But you'll practically let me fuck you?"

 At his harsh snap, she tried to push out of his embrace, unwilling to have this conversation in their current predicament or maybe have the conversation at all. The innate desire to flee rose up in her but she tried to force it down as she squirmed in his arms. He held her firm, not giving up an inch, her body flush against his own. 

 "Ivar!" 

 "What aren't you telling me?" 

 She hated both herself and him in the moment as she ceased her escape attempts. She hated him for continuously pushing her, for ignoring her words and trying to force her where he wanted her to be. Even more though, she hated herself. If she had kept away from him, however unlikely that was, if she did not have to hide, then none of this would matter. If she could be honest, truly honest, he would most likely reject her. And that was why she hated herself most. Because she was selfish and wanted his attention and affection, even knowing if he knew who she truly was, he would walk away. 

 Carefully, she turned her head to meet his stormy eyes. "I promise one day I will. I just…. can we please just enjoy this? What we have? I just need…. time."

 He stared down at her for a long time. She wondered what he read in her face when he finally gave a resigned sigh. "Fine. I'm telling people you are my girlfriend though."

 "You're unbelievable."

 "I think you like that about me." He matched her smile with his own before letting her go.  

 She quickly found her bikini top, noticing Ivar not-so-subtly adjusting his sweatpants. She slipped it over her head but when she went to tie the straps, a pair of calloused hands covered hers. Without a word, he tied it behind her back. Once done, his hand slowly prowled down her back to lightly smack her ass. 

 "Hey!" She whipped around, only to see a Cheshire grin on his face. 

 "That's my sexy ass."

 "Oh my god. Unbelievable." She muttered to herself as she snatched up the cover and pulled it over. She looked down at the blanket piled on the floor. 

 "Leave it. I'll deal with it later." He took her hand and walked with her towards the door. When they opened it, a still-shirtless Hvitserk stood leaning against the wall across from them. 

 "Took you two long enough. Damn. Almost came in and threw Kari over my shoulder to get you out." 

 Ivar spat something out in their language that made Hvitserk roll his eyes. Before they could move further down the hallway, Hvitserk reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, freezing her in place.  

 "Hey, whatever they said. Just try to ignore it. We all want you here. Hell, all of us would kick them to the damn curb if Ubbe would let us. But Ubbe and Bjorn have already approved of you."

 Ivar scoffed but Hvitserk kept his gaze on hers, letting her know he was serious. 

 "Just know, we're on your side."

 "Thank you, Hvitty." She squeezed his hand, warmth blooming in her chest at his words.  

 "Either one of them tries to talk to her, I'll strangle them." Ivar growled, starting down the hallway, towing Kari behind him. 

 "You can't kill them, Ivar. Mother said murder is wrong."

 Ivar laughed, looking over his shoulder at his brother. "Mother still loves me."

 "Yeah, yeah, we all know you're her favorite."

 "Can you blame her? Look at me. I'm far superior and more interesting than the rest of you."

 "Keep telling yourself that."

 Kari could not help but smile at their teasing, a mock argument that sounded like it had been executed many times before until now it was said out of fondness and mock sibling rivalry. 

 The three walked back outside through the glassed-in porch. On the way, she noticed her purse back next to Gyda's bag and wondered if Hvitserk moved it there for her. Outside, everyone else sat on chairs or lounge chairs that were grouped in a haphazard circle, obviously waiting for the remainder of the group to join.  

 "What took you so long? Thought we'd have to send a search party to find you." Bjorn called out as the three approached. 

 "I got 'em. The library reeks of sex though." Hvitserk said, dodging Kari's swing. 

 Ivar guided her back to the lounge chair they had been sitting in earlier, tucking her into his side with a hand laying possessively on her hip. Hvitserk sat on her other side instead of pulling a new chair over. She tried to ignore Margrethe and Freydis who sat across from them, keeping her eyes trained on her lap, fiddling with the hem of her cover.  

 "Ok, now that we're finally all here." Bjorn said, standing up with Asa in his arms. "We just wanted to tell our family the good news in person."

 "Torvi is pregnant!" Gyda blurted, staring at her sister-in-law in shock. 

 "Fuck! Gyda!" Bjorn groaned. 

 "Daddy said a bad word." Hali looked over at his mother from his spot next to Sigurd. 

 "Yes, he did, thank you, Hali." Torvi replied smiling then addressed the group. "I'm about two months along. So right now, we are only telling family, so please don't share this with anyone else yet."

 "Wow! A third! Congrats!" Ubbe started, others immediately echoing their own congratulations and well-wishes. 

 Kari jumped up and moved to give Torvi a hug after Gyda. "I know we haven't known each other long but I'm so excited for you. You're an amazing mother."

 "Thank you, Kari. Maybe your own time will come soon." She shooting her eyes over to Ivar for a second then meeting Kari's again. 

 "Oh, I don't know." She blushed at the thought. After another brief hug, Kari returned to her seat. 

 "How old are you?" Hvitserk asked suddenly. 

 "Um, I turned twenty-five this summer."

 "Ha! Still the baby of the group." Sigurd laughed, pointing his beer bottle at Ivar.  

 "Hey, nothing is wrong with an older woman. We're in our sexual prime." Gyda defended. 

 "She's not that much older." Ivar retorted, his hand skimming up and down Kari's thigh. "Just a year."

 "And a few months. You're turning twenty-four after the new year." Ubbe helpfully added with a grin. 

 "Fuck off." 

 "Mommy, Uncle Ivar said a bad word now."

 "Yes, he did, Hali. I think it's time for us to go. Say goodbye to everyone." Torvi said. After a round of goodbyes and hugs to all the uncles and aunt, the small family headed back through the house to head to their own home.

 "Did you know Ivar is younger than you?" Hvitserk asked conspiringly, once conversation started around them again. 

 She tilted her head as she looked at him, slowly answering his question. “Yeah…. we talked about this a while ago."

 "Good. Do you want kids?"

 "Hvits, what is this?" Ivar butted in. 

 "Just testing the waters to see how she feels about having my babies. You know they'd be beautiful." Hvitserk chuckled when Ivar glared at him. 

 "Be nice you two or I'm moving." Kari chided. 

 "Yes, mom." Hvitserk said, sneaking a kiss to her cheek before jumping away. He turned around and pointed at her as he walked backwards. "One day you'll have my babies!" 

 She laughed, shaking her head. She could practically feel the smoke coming from Ivar's ears. Before he could burst a vein, she leaned closer to him and laid her head against his shoulder. "He knows I'm yours."

 "He fucking better or I'll beat his ass to remind him." Ivar murmured, nuzzling her temple. 

 She relaxed against him, looking around the backyard. Hvitserk and Ubbe had started some kind of wrestling competition in the pool, both looking like they were trying to drown each other. Gyda and Ivar called insults from their seats. Sigurd was texting on his phone but occasionally looking up and making a comment. At one point he caught her eye and gave her a brief nod, which she smiled back, hoping any animosity between the two of them from her earlier comment was gone. She purposefully ignored the whispering between Margrethe and Freydis, taking a note from Ivar's book and acting as if they did not exist. 

 Looking at the Lothbrok family around her, she smiled at the group, still amazed she found herself in their midst and how welcoming most of them were. For almost two years she had been alone in a new country, thinking that was what she wanted. Now though, she wondered if she had just been missing a group that accepted her without question. 

 She peered up at Ivar, heart swelling with gratitude and affection. Without second guessing herself, she kissed his cheek and leaned back against his shoulder. He hummed, placing his own kiss to the top of her head. 

 She wondered if she should just give up fighting this, whatever this was between them. Maybe it would work out. Maybe everything would not fall apart as soon as the truth fell from her lips. Maybe he could accept her past and who she was. 

 Silently, she shook the thoughts away. It was still too soon to tell and if she was honest, she did not want to lose this. 

 Or lose him. 

[eclairbrun]

Generally positive reception to that post that was basically If you want people to keep stocking the books you want, and to make preservable copies of the shows you want to preserve, you should actually buy them so companies have an incentive to keep giving you those things.

Given that the negative responses I got were about streaming, I’m guessing this has gone over better with the book crowd than with the streaming crowd. Although tbh, part of that might be that there’s no specific books people are rallying around so much as the general situation of debut and midlist authors facing lost opportunities, while there are specific shows with fanbases affected by the HBO thing and I tagged that post with the show I saw the largest number of people upset about. Still, the fact that all the replies with specific comments are about shows and not books makes me a little sad, seeing as this is an author’s blog.

Anyway, to clarify my stance on the matter a little more, since the last post was pretty brief on the issue:

Corporations are greed-driven entities with straight up legal obligations to be profitable. If you put your foot down and don’t let them profit from you via exploitative practices, then they can’t exploit you. If you make the practices that give you more control unprofitable, then congrats. You have just given them easy justification to stop wasting money on the thing that protects you from exploitation. Thus, only paying media companies for forms of media that give you less control is begging the company to take advantage of you, and teaching them that they can continue to strip you of more and more power for additional convenience.

If there is media that is truly valuable to you and you want to ensure you can access it, then to the best of your ability, you should push for access to the method that lets you preserve it. If you don’t, then you are either blindly trusting corporations (which is an oddly corporatism-friendly attitude on a site that claims to hate capitalism) or you don’t actually consider the media to be worthwhile.

While I didn’t get any pushback on the book front, I’mma mention that this also applies to many ebooks or other forms of digital media stored in archives owned by the company that sold you the show or comic or whatever. TOS usually mention somewhere in the fine print that you are effectively renting that material. It can often be altered or even revoked after you pay for and download it. There are forms of digital media that are less susceptible to this, but you wanna make sure your device itself doesn’t have some feature built in to detect if you are circumventing some corporation’s control, lest they ban your account or brick your device. Amazon has been sued for removing books off of people’s Kindle apps that they paid for. Sony deleted purchased movies from people’s libraries in Europe last month. You do not own much of the digital content you “buy.” I have personally witnessed books that I paid for getting edited after I downloaded them. The edits were to correct typos, but the fact that this feature exists means one of the books I paid for could be covertly censored after my purchase without outright removal from my device. TV shows and movies are vulnerable to this same post-release editing.

Physical media is the most secure means of ensuring that you will retain access to the story you love, in the form in which you fell in love with it. Continuing to support physical is the BEST way to combat corporate abuse. A physical book might not be as resistant to a house fire as something up in the cloud is, but everyone encounters corporate greed on the regular and can worsen it through continued enabling. Most people will never be in a fire.

Also, like, I just don’t buy the arguments about cost/quantity with streaming. If you’re so poor that you legitimately can’t afford a DVD or two a year, this all applies to you in the same way that reminders to use the stairs instead of an elevator apply to someone in a wheelchair. (Which, y’know, shame on me for assuming that went without saying on tumblr.) Otherwise, the average person spends 1/3 on streaming what it costs for cable, and people were able to buy DVDs and VHS tapes and whatnot back in the days of cable over streaming. This didn’t stop because of cost issues. It stopped because people no longer felt the need to buy physical media once streaming gave them on-demand access that cable lacked. It is entirely possible to have ‘rental’ access to a large library of shows and also secure personally-preservable copies of shows that are of particular value to you. This is a thing that people used to do when they wanted to have access to a particular show or movie back before streaming tricked them into thinking the access would always be one login away. And it should come as a shock to no one that shows can disappear off of streaming services when that’s been a thing for years. 

And please, please, do not tell me, a book person, that DVDs are too space-consuming to be a viable option. You can get cases that hold 25 of those things in the same amount of space that a single hardcover book takes up.

[veliseraptor]

Down in the Yi City Pit: A Recs Post

So as anyone following me may have noticed, I’ve been spiraling ever deeper into a pit called Yi City Feelings. I’m down at the bottom and I’m still digging. This also means I’ve been doing a lot of fic reading, and I figure it’s about time that I wrote a recs list, since I said I’d do it and some people expressed interest.

Heads up that I am a dirty Xue Yang stan first and foremost, so this list is going to skew in, uh, that direction. Just so we’re all aware.

Divided these into canonverse recs and modern au recs, since apparently this is the only thing I’ll read modern aus for! It’s a brave new world out here. 

Also like. blanket warnings across the board here for The Inherent Dubiousness of Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen as a Pairing, Generally. I’ll offer more specific/major ones as they’re relevant/I remember, but please check the tags/authors notes as well.

CANONVERSE

lover to your nightmare by Zaatar (@ameliarating) . Xue Yang uses Xiao Xingchen getting sick as an opportunity to fuck around a little. Second person POV sickfic, except XueXiao flavored sickfic which means it’s messy and full of good things like “delirium” and “people taking advantage of other peoples’ confusion and disorientation to mess with them psychologically.” This fic also does the thing I love really well where Xue Yang’s internal monologue/self-justification is full of indications that he’s having Feelings that he neither recognizes nor acknowledges. Crunchy, delicious.

Samsara / 輪迴 by ForgivenMemes. Upsetting fic full of every content warning ever alert! (Off the top of my head: violence, rape, suicide, self-harm.) I keep going back to this fic and rereading it because it hurts so bad and I love it, because it hurts in the best worst self-sabotage recapitulating-mistakes-over-and-over way. Like, I am a sucker for a time loop fic always, and usually I read them as a route to fixing things - but honestly I’ve always loved the part of time loop fics that’s “everything getting worse first.” And this is a whole fic of “everything getting worse.” Aka, the one where Xue Yang has thousands of chances to get it right, but there’s no getting it right.

compromise by Sectionladvivi. Xiao Xingchen convinces Song Lan and Xue Yang to kiss. (aka, obviously Yi City AU where Song Lan gets folded into things, Xiao Xingchen still doesn’t know about Xue Yang being Xue Yang, and an uneasy detente where the two of them don’t touch each other gets interrupted by Xiao Xingchen Wanting Things, which is, of course, a priority always). 

til dawn by Sectionladvivi. Xue Yang takes care of Xiao Xingchen’s body after his death, and mind the tags. This is that perfect Yi City level of “horrifying and also very sad, I feel bad for my boy but also he is sort of defiling a corpse (though it is just kissing).” This might not sound like a recommendation but it is absolutely a recommendation.

Our Antebellum Innocence by spockandawe (@spockandawe). First time XueXiao. Xue Yang lays the groundwork for his first time with Xiao Xingchen with meticulous care.  This author always delivers, both in terms of excellent porn and in terms of characterization, and this is no exception. 

life’s illusions I recall by Sour_Idealist (@souridealist). The basics of this fic is just “outdoor sex at a river” and it is delicious for that, but what I love about it in particular is this author’s Xue Yang voice. It’s always good (they are the genius behind the incredible Jiang Yanli/Xue Yang fic - no, really), and this is a fic I come back to a lot for that reason. I also love the tag “two characters experiencing two very different fics” which feels like a very apt description for the XueXiao dynamic, generally speaking.

Selenographia by lightningwaltz. A lovely, short-ish fic about the Yi City years. I don’t feel like I have a good description for this one - it’s just one of those beautiful character/moment portrait pieces, very well done.

Stories from A Lonely City by blackwatervial. A series of snapshots/vignettes from the three years in Yi City. Sweetness, bittersweetness, and of course, ultimately, a sad end. This was one of the first Yi City fics I read.

yi city depression hours by glueskin (series). Just. You know. Some feelings. There’s two fics in this one, both short character study type fics making me feel feelings.

a bird caught in this winter blizzard by cherriru. I do love a good grief/mourning fic, especially featuring someone realizing slowly the sheer miserable depths of their fuck-up. Aka, Xue Yang after Xiao Xingchen’s death. It’s just sad. 

all I ever knew of love by Sour_Idealist (@souridealist). See what I said above about the Xue Yang voice and this author; this one also featuring blistering hot porn (first time), a little light praise kink, and huddling for warmth as an excuse for sex. It’s a perfect blend of filth and tenderness and I love it.

revelations wallet wood burn art by Sectionladvivi. This one describes itself in the summary as “grim pwp” and yeah, that fits (and also! is such a XueXiao vibe, whoop whoop); it’s based off the simple premise of ‘Xue Yang tells Xiao Xingchen who he is, in the middle of sex.’ Honestly, one of my favorite things about this fic is the ending, which is horrifying in the best possible way.

Your Heart Inside My Hands by williamshooketh (@ectoplasm-james). This fic is fabulously made for me in the specific subgenre of “Xue Yang thinks he knows what he is getting into when having sex with Xiao Xingchen and, it turns out, does not.” This one featuring some of my favorite things including praise kink and Xue Yang getting extremely fucked up by someone being very nice to him.

Sleep Until the Sun Goes Down by spockandawe (@spockandawe). Love me some Xiao Xingchen seducing Xue Yang with candy. First time fic, second person POV, absolutely delightful.

pass the time by short_tandem_repeats (@yiling). A-Qing and Xue Yang bonding hours. I am actually such a sucker for their weird relationship (I don’t poke at it enough in my own stuff, should work on that) and the way they recognize each other in ways that Xiao Xingchen doesn’t, and also a-Qing having to reckon with the ways in which she’s more like Xue Yang than like Xiao Xingchen. Just a very good fic with a delightful a-Qing.

Three Springs by Verbana. Just a really excellent Xiao Xingchen POV of the three years in Yi City and a developing relationship between Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang. Beautifully written, a lovely escalation, and I’m absolutely delighted by the gentle loneliness of the Xiao Xingchen POV here.

Red Azalea by CeNedraRiva (@cenedrariva) (WIP). A longfic in progress following the continuing adventures of the Yi City Crew after Xiao Xingchen survives his suicide attempt and Xue Yang reconsiders some life choices. Recently got tag-updated to SongXueXiao which has me absolutely thrilled. Updates every Wednesday.

ephemeral by im_krying (WIP). Xue Yang, traveling around wearing Xiao Xingchen’s face, decides it is time to go looking for the last remaining part of Xiao Xingchen that he doesn’t already possess. That is to say, the eyes in Song Lan’s head. I’m really curious where this is going - it smells up my alley at this point though it’s been a bit since the last update. 

Heaven Has a Road But No One Walks It by Silvestris (@silvysartfulness) (WIP). Things I love: beating on Xue Yang, SongXueXiao, terrible road trips, fix-its where there’s a lot of suffering involved. Things this fic has: all of the above. I’m in love.

MODERN AU

(There are other recs to this one but for various reasons (pwp reasons) triggered my self-consciousness slightly too much to put on this post. Go check my bookmarks, you’ll find stuff there.

Most of these are PWP to greater or lesser extents (Rewritten and Misalignment are, I’d say, the exceptions); all very hot and fantastically written.)

circling like vultures by brawlite (@brawlite) (series). Truly quality porn, featuring mostly Xue Yang/Song Lan both pining for Xiao Xingchen, which is a thing that it turns out I really like. The sex is rough and mean and I’m really into it. (Okay, mostly the sex in the first one is mean, the second one is actually XueYao, and the third one is actually verging on nice. Wow! Growth. Anyway, it’s all very good and very My Scene.

Rewritten by incendir (series). This series is like. Everything I want from a modern AU and that was true even before the most recent fic gifted me a beat up Xue Yang suffering, so you know. I don’t have a good summary for this series other than that it’s basically a married Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen adopting Xue Yang as a third partner and it’s just. So well done, such good writing, such good characterization, I would read 20,000 more words of this and probably still be hungry.

catalyst by Ajaxthegreat. If there is a porny fic I’ve reread more than this one, I’m not sure what it would be. I’ve reread this one a lot. It’s very good. It’s very hot. I’m trying not to be self-conscious. SongXueXiao first time rough sex and boy is it tasty.

biting the bullet by Sectionladvivi. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t want to have to choose between his two boyfriends and so he doesn’t. Sectionladvivi in general writes some very sexy modern au PWP (including a few different Xue Yang/Lan Wangji fics which...didn’t see that one coming! But it works when they do it), so general rec for author but this one (as, you know, SongXueXiao porn), is one of my favorites, probably. 

sxx configurations by rynleaf (series). This is a SongXueXiao series on AO3 based off of @kevinkevinson‘s modern reincarnation AU and I am in love with both the art for that AU (go look!) and these fics, they’re so good, I’ve reread several times. 

Misalignment by Kasasagi (WIP). The one with a reincarnated Xue Yang and a Xiao Xingchen who arrives in the modern world from the past, fresh off his suicide.

And Once Again, if I’m Allowed to Rec My Own Fic

a kindness you can’t afford. Early days in Yi City after Xue Yang wakes up.

lick your exit wounds. I wanted canonverse-era bottom Xue Yang praise kink, so I wrote it for myself in the hopes others would also find this an interesting prospect.

this place could be beautiful. Xue Yang vs. domestic living.

tear out all your tenderness. Xue Yang gets turned on by murder and makes it a project to get Xiao Xingchen to lose control.

the beauty of your repair. PWP, modern AU SongXueXiao; there’s not an inkling of plot here, it’s really just an excuse to get Xue Yang wrecked, but nicely.

[tatyana-dreaming]

Met opera asks day 8

Thank you so much again @opera-my-beloved AND to everyone who has been answering all the asks - reading and getting to share all these memories meant so much to me and I know I’m not alone in saying that! <3

What's your favorite new opera you discovered because of the streams?

Eugene Onegin, of course! Life altering, and you could say my life became absorbed in it (including Pushkin’s original text... well I haven’t read it in Russian yet but we’re getting there). Very powerful.

Are there any stream you wish you had watched but didn't? So, so many! I only watched the operas almost every night for about two weeks, and then from there I would watch about one or two a month unless a certain themed week jumped out or I saw Operablr going wild over a particular upcoming production. Even so, I ended up seeing about 55 operas (Met exclusive) and more than that including non-Met streams, which I think is pretty impressive (I mean... without the streams I would have seen fewer than one opera a year for the foreseeable future, so that’s incredible, even though they weren’t actually live) :)

Finally, what have the Met Nightly Streams meant to you? I took a while to get to this last post because I actually wrote quite a bit on paper about it, as soon as I found out the streams were ending :’( warning: this might get long!

At first, the streams were something both exciting (novel! and not like “novel coronavirus” novel like we were getting slammed with in the news those first few weeks) and regular to look forward to and rely on, when our schedules and “normal” lives were being turned upside down. It was an anchor in that way, as well as providing much-needed escape and breaks from the news and reality of the outside world. It was something to look forward to every day during a time where many things could no longer be looked forward to (except maybe thinking very long term).

However, it wasn’t an escape from the “outside” world so much as deepening my connection with the world itself, because opera after opera, I was reminded of all aspects of our humanity - our humor, our lightness, our ingenuity (especially with all that orchestral angst and bliss :D I have such an incredible respect for the composers, singers, musicians, behind-the-scenes artists), our preciousness and our grace - and also our cruelty, rage, passions, jealousy, and pettiness (and all the consequences thereof. therein? anyways, I think you understand). At first I kept getting fed up with the plots, especially since so many feature Women Who DieTM or harmful messages about Roma people, but once I looked deeper, I better understood that anything beyond a surface-level glance at those types of plots illuminates important truths and messages that in fact (in most cases :D) don’t condone the tragedy and wrongs that occur onstage, but just as importantly, don’t shy away from portraying them when often in modern society we like to fool ourselves that we are fully rational humans that are just “better” or “smarter” or “more self-controlled than that.”

Furthermore, the music and art that was made available truly did help heal and offer solace; for me it was an active way to address, acknowledge, and allow myself to feel All the Emotions - and remember that there are far more emotions to feel and experience than my usual repertoire of anxiety, ennui, fear, and excitement. And on top of that, I started to realize that many of these works of art have been enjoyed and beloved by SO many people, all over the world, across time (in some cases, almost 400 years!!!). That really got to me, and also gave me hope: if art that can be so transforming, meaningful, and beautiful to so many people can survive wars, other pandemics, the rise and fall of nations, and other potentially destructive events in the course of humanity---well, that gives me a lot of hope.

Not to mention, I felt so much alone, thinking of how many people across centuries have turned to the same music I am now enjoying. And THEN I wandered back onto Tumblr last fall, curious to see if there was any opera content, and started a pleasantly surprising search through opera tags... and here we are today. I have experienced so much joy and love being part of this community; there’s a special type of solidarity to it... in a way it is certainly one of the places I call “home” in my life.

And it’s not like we’re going away! We’ll continue to appreciate (and of course shitpost :D) opera. And perhaps one of these days we’ll be able to see some operas live (my heart hurts for the lack of democratization and funding for art, at least where I live - let’s also keep demanding and supporting this!).

[cyanoscarlet]

2020 writing review

Thanks for the tag, @gladiowrites​! (I know it’s not a tag, but this is fun to do lol)

I.. honestly wrote a lot this 2020. No kidding. Quarantine productivity was real, but so is residency languishing by the wayside while everyone was busy surviving and adjusting. I highly doubt 2021 will be the same, but I’ll always cherish 2020 just because of the writing and nothing else.

This is gonna be long.

FIRST CREATION + MOST RECENT CREATION OF 2020

8:15 am  - Final Fantasy XV. Lunafreya. February 2020. - First piece ever written for the year. - Intended to be a Luna-centric AU, in which the Nox Fleurets were deposed and she’s now a regular teacher. Never managed to write anything beyond that, though, because residency. (Back then, I didn’t know it was gonna be the beginning of the end, so I had hopes. Oh well.)

irresistible!, or the summer ramblings of nene yashiro and everything that followed - Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun. Nene, Hanako. March 2020. - First one published on AO3 for 2020 (yes, there’s a distinction). - If you think the title sounds familiar, you’re right.

versus

first yuletide - Final Fantasy XV. Nyx. December 2020. - Written for the FFXV Secret Santa event on Twitter. - Before y’all object and say what unwinding is, that’s an old fic uploaded late.

ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIONS FROM 2020

Do I seriously have to choose? Omg.

take heart - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Gods/Humans AU. - Discovered so much about myself writing this. Also (hopefully) I managed to get into Dazai’s headspace correctly. He’s an extremely difficult character to write, so finishing this brought so much gratification.

you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons - Final Fantasy VIII. Laguna, Squall. Post-canon. - Probably my most heartfelt work of the year- scratch that, ever. Also happy with how I just let myself go writing this and didn’t need to think twice.

A CREATION YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF

oneiric moments (or, five nights with you) - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. - Written for the SKK Fic Exchange for Summer 2020. - Five interconnected fics. 18,985 words. - Might not be a big deal for others, but this was taxing because I don’t usually write long, multichaptered stuff. I got carried away, though. It ain’t as well-polished as my more recent stuff, but I’m proud of myself for pulling this off.

A NEW STYLE YOU TRIED THIS YEAR & A FIC THAT USES IT

I... don’t think I have tried anything of the sort. My repertoire is sorely limited compared to others, I’m afraid. I’d probably have an answer for “explored new themes,” but again, I’ve a limited arsenal, too, in that regard.

A CREATION THAT TOOK YOU FOREVER

all in a day’s work - Bungou Stray Dogs. Atsushi, Akutagawa. Cells at Work AU. - It’s still being written, with a lot of side stories planned but never drafted. - I fell out of love with BSD, recovered from that, then got busy with residency.

YOUR CREATION FROM 2020 THAT RECEIVED THE MOST NOTES KUDOS

Also take heart. While I am proud of it, I guess it hit the right spot for mainstream shippers, too, somewhat? My feelings about mainstream things have changed a lot because of things, but I am still happy.

A CREATION YOU THINK DESERVED MORE NOTES KUDOS

amīcitia - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Final Fantasy XV AU. - Petty indignancy for my self-indulgent baby aside, I’m also proud of how I wrote Dazai in this one, similar to take heart.  the fun they had - Bungou Stray Dogs. Kajii, Port Mafia Ensemble. - ... Guys. Please notice genfics.

A NEW FANDOM YOU JOINED AND A CREATION YOU MADE FOR IT

Everything I wrote for Bungou Stray Dogs. (I kid you not.)

If you want a single answer anyway:

on the flaming mountains - act-age. Chiyoko, Kei. Princess Iron Fan Arc. - arc words: “what shall i do with this ire?” - I wouldn’t really say I “left” the fandom, more like it fizzled out after Matsuki-sensei got arrested.

A CREATION YOU MADE THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART

a cycle of; - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Medico-legal AU. - Written out of much anger and frustration over things. Also because this in itself was frustrating to write.

Also  you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. Because no matter how much I hate my family at so many points in my life, I know I can’t truly hate them from the bottom of my heart. This fic is a reminder of that.

A SIMPLE CREATION THAT YOU REALLY LOVE

express delivery for love - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Real World Quarantine AU. - It’s funny. It’s orthodox. It’s sweet. I don’t think it can get any better than that.

A CREATION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY ANOTHER ONE

rather be - Bungou Stray Dogs. Yosano. Pre-canon. - Inspired by yesterday is another world by @wctercress​ - The whole of primum non nocere, actually, but specifically this one, and the rest followed. - This is also my first BSD fic. Ever.

A FAVORITE CREATION CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE

... You sure? There’s a lot, and this is just on the surface. (unleashes the proverbial waterfall)

The aforementioned yesterday is another world by @wctercress​

silencer and snow white days by EKmisao - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Dead Apple canon-divergent. - The aftermath of Dead Apple, in which one of two goes wrong. - They’re unrelated, I know. But they’re both sisters! Just trust me on this. - The proper entry for this would be silencer, but I can’t very well mention one without the other, so have both anyway. I read both only this year, after all. Waiting for Godot by @eternal-aegis​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya. Canon-divergent. - Amazing theme, amazing philosophy, amazing writing. It makes you think. It makes you analyze and explore. This writer definitely knows her stuff, and it shows. Catharsis by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Gen. Caraway. Post-canon. - The denouement to the Caraway family drama we all deserve. I love how Rinoa is presented in this fic. She’s a normal person who makes mistakes and learns her lessons. So is Fury. Burned bridges don’t always have to stay down, and this fic illustrates that wonderfully.

Culmination by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Squall, Rinoa. Post-canon. - We can’t all have happy endings. This fic also illustrates that very well. While I, a Squinoa fan, personally ascribe to the happy ending Squall and Rinoa must have had after the events of FF8, this fic is so compelling and grounded and reflective and I totally buy this. 

Here Without You by @muselover1901​ - Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Zen/Shirayuki. Real world quarantine AU. - One of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read this year. I can definitely relate to a lot of things in this fic. I’ve been rereading all of Muse’s ANS stuff whenever I feel down, and they all hit the spot.

Savor The Moment by @joeys-piano​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Oda. Pre-canon. - Yes, yes, YES. One of the best stories I’ve ever read this year, ever. (And I mean stories, not fanfics.) Great character study about a man named Oda and a day in his life and a page (or three) out of his book of relationships. The love poured into this is simply overflowing and precious. I’ve been following Joey since this fic was being written, and I’m so proud of him.

False Equivalences by @slowquotesquill - Dai Gyakuten Saiban. Asougi, Ryuunosuke. Fullmetal Alchemist AU. - This fic also! Oh, My Heart. The cynicism of a state alchemist and the optimism of a foreign doctor. It perfectly hits the spot for everything FMA, and we all know that SQQ’s Asouryuu fics are always to die for. It’s the ultimate combo.

The whole Promptober Leo/Will/Despair series by @eternal-aegis - Kekkai Sensen. Various themes, many of which are dark/mature. - I’ve said this with Waiting for Godot, and I’ll say it again: Aegis knows her stuff. This is her exploring further in that direction, and you can feel the improvement with every fic in the series. I really love how adventurous these stories are, and how much depth you can go with every one. Her characterization is layered and exquisite, and the underlying lore is well-thought-out. - tl;dr: B3 Goddess.

Predestined by Galkimasera - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Squall. Reverse/Fateswap AU. - A very well-written reverse AU! The circumstances of Squall and Rinoa in this ‘verse fit so well and are so well thought out. I love this AU so much, you don’t even know. It also fills my nostalgic shipper’s heart with much joy at seeing quality content in this Year of our Lord 2020.

For auld lang syne, my dear by @by-nina - Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy, Riza. Canon-compliant + post-canon. - Holiday feels, snapshots through time, and all over showing Roy and Riza’s budding relationship over the years. And it does remind me of a lot of the SKK fics I’ve written (thematic-wise). This was such a treat to read and to follow. All her FMA fics are. She does Royai so much justice. Am not yet finished reading smoke without fire, but I’ll get to that, too!

SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT CREATORS FROM THIS YEAR

Everyone in the answer above. There’s honestly a whole boatload of more, but this is getting too long already lololol

(might edit this when I feel like it, tho!)

[tsubaki3192]

Oh I’d really love to read the aquarium HC’s!!! They sound superfun. And I am curious about the Nicknames with Mitsuhide. An idea for that: MC wants another nickname, one that’s not little mouse and they try out different ones but they all sound wrong and they end up at little mouse again?

Nicknames

[Mitsuhide x Reader]

———————-

Tags: @tsuki-no-usagiii @wingardium-letmefuckyou @unstoppablelinda @zavannahmj

Let me know if you want to be (un)tagged? 

———————

Notes: OML I APOLOGISE DEEPLY FOR HOW LATE THIS IS… I SWEAR I DIDN’T MEAN FOR IT TO TAKE THIS LONG-

So, uh, what happened was I started writing, went WAY off tangent to both my original idea and your request, came back to a full circle… Before realising I should’ve just rewritten it altogether… If anyone actually wants to read the other fic, well, I’ll post it xD

I feel like such a shitty author… ALSO I may or may not have been watching Stray Kids “The 9″ season 5 and suddenly had an idea-

–—————

Other comments: So, uh, I think I’ve decided to completely scrap the aquarium headcannons altogether and I’m actually really sorry about it as it was the very first thing I started when thinking about Ikesen. 

So I want to apologise once again to @wingardium-letmefuckyou and to everyone else who wanted to read the headcannons, but I truly have no idea how to write it…

….. Okay that’s enough from me, I guess! Here’s the long-awaited fic xD

——————————

“How many times have I told you not to call me a ‘Little Mouse’?!”

Your footsteps stormed against the floorboards as you made your way back to your room, leaving Mitsuhide to stare at your back and baffled at your outburst. Hands clenched in tight fists to your sides, you brushed past an equally (if not more) surprised Masamune before reaching your room and slamming the door shut. 

“What just happened…?”

You were livid and that was something new. Usually and normally, you were rather docile and that was one of the many things that had initially attracted Mitsuhide to you. (Your inability to use violence was another, but that perhaps merely further worried him whenever Nobunaga brought you to the battlefield.) Nevertheless, your rambunctious yelling and anger had caught the attention of the many castle’s residents, including a particular mother-like warlord and the right-hand-man of their lord. 

“How many times must I tell you to not make her-”

But the flickering expression on Mitsuhide’s face, one of rejection, caused Hideyoshi’s words to falter at the back of his throat. Simply speaking, the said caramel-haired warlord had forgotten just who Mitsuhide’s sole weakness was: You. And he could only sigh, placing a hand on your lover’s right shoulder comfortingly.

 ——–

It hurt. 

 It really did.

You weren’t sure what brought it up, nor the reasoning behind your anger, but there was nothing you could do anymore. You had lashed out at him, and that was that. To be fair, it was a lover’s spat of sorts- not that you and Mitsuhide got into that many. You would always come to an agreement of sorts; somewhere in between both your suggestions. More than often, it would be in regards to the time and dates of your… well, dates, so this would be the first time you had ever needed to compromise over the whole nicknames thing.

The truth was, you really didn’t mind what he called you. Yes, you were willing to admit, there were times where the nickname could be considered as condescending but you were also willing to admit that you were also naive in many different ways. 

Huffing quietly, you plonked down on your still-unrolled futon and brought your knees to your chest. Your arms, however, had found it’s way to the covers you and he shared, pulling it up and over your nose. 

You would be lying if you ever thought his scent didn’t calm you. 

Sandalwood. Gunpowder. Cinnamon. 

….Well, okay. Maybe the last one was impossible, granted you didn’t know exactly when cinnamon had arrived in Japan but the scent was there nonetheless. 

But the pain, guilt and regret from your words was enough to send tears running down your face. Truly, you wished you hadn’t said what you had to him. It was his one day of relaxation; a day where he could fully spend time with you, the only woman he promised he would ever love.

And you’ve just gone and ruined it.

“(Y/N).”

You could hear Mitsuhide’s voice on the opposing side of the door through your somewhat quiet whimpers… Which meant, you had come to learn, he could also hear you. Stifling your sobs, you called out to your boyfriend, allowing him to enter the room. You burrowed your head in the covers, hoping you could hide your tears from him… Even if you knew it was simply impossible.  

“My dear, will you look at me?”

Mitsuhide placed a gentle hand on your head, brushing your hair behind your ear and allowing the strands to glide through his fingers. The same fingertips made it’s way to the soft curve of your cheek and down to your hidden chin. His whole palm was on your cheek now, as he gently coaxed you from your hidden position behind the comforter. You abided, sinking into the touch of his warm hands as he gently wiped the hot tears from your cheeks.

“As observant as I am, I wasn’t aware you didn’t enjoy the nickname.” 

Prick. 

As prideful as the statement was, it succeeded in eliciting a giggle from your lips. Your hands found it’s way out of the blanket and began roughly wiping at your tears, laughing dejectedly at the situation. 

“The thing is, I really don’t mind. Really.”

You shook your head, resting your damp forearms against your covered knees and your chin against your forearms. But he just knelt in front of your slightly rocking self, raising his other arm to fully cup your face. Gently placing his forehead against your own, his nose nudged against your own- a rare Mitsuhide Eskimo kiss. 

Your eyes had instinctively closed on it’s own, allowing the final droplets of tears to escape the corners of your eyes.

One. Two.

Raising his forehead from your own, he pressed his lips against the corner of each eye. 

Please don’t cry. 

And again his head rose even further, pressing a slow, loving kiss against your forehead. 

I love you.

When he finally removed his lips from your forehead, you rose, stumbling, as you regained the strength in your knees from the tight pull towards your chest. Expressionless, golden eyes watch your stance, offering a single hand when you stumbled. He pulled you towards him as you settled yourself in his lap; his legs now crossed before him.  

“My love,” he utters, his low, silken voice soothing your trembling self, “had you truly despised the name, you would have informed me early on.”

Your head bobs up and down, agreeing quietly with his statement. Your arms wound itself around his neck, drawing him impossibly closer. And Mitsuhide could only chuckle, pressing another kiss against your left temple as he inhaled the scent of your hair.

“Now, apologies for the sudden curiosity, but I would like to know the terms of endearment men use in your time-”

His arms rested loosely around your waist, fingers clasped together at your spine. His thumbs however, had found that aching knot in the centre of your spine and pulsed gently to release the discomfort. Your lips fell into that of a content sigh, though he could still sense the racing of your pulse that only continued to rise as he continued to probe about your previous lifestyle.

Anything to hear your melodious voice, right? 

But he was serious when he said he wanted to hear the terms of endearment lovers gave one another in your time. Changing names wasn’t a huge issue in his mind- people could easily be renamed, after all- but if this was what you truly desired, he would have no qualms in doing so. 

After all, if his princess wasn’t happy, how could he be?

Whether or not you did mind what he called you, you responded to his question rather hesitantly. It had taken a few moments for the names to rise to your mind: You were never one to date often, preferring to seek for a ‘Mr. Right’ before going on a first date. But your friends certainly had been, and so you had recalled the various names your friends had called one another… The generic ones, of course. 

Mitsuhide only hummed in response, listening closely to your words as you spoke. He would need to test these nicknames out later, gauge your responses, before continuing on.

And today seemed to be just perfectly set up for him.

 ————————–

“Mitsuhide, where are you taking me?”

It was a futile question, given the smart-looking grin and the sly look in his eyes as you watched him. It was a futile question, knowing just how stubborn your man could be when he wanted to tell you next to nothing… Or when he wanted to keep it a surprise. And it certainly was a futile question as the direction he was heading in was that same, well-trekked path you usually took to his- and now your own- favourite teahouse. Yet you asked it anyway, hoping for some kind of response; any kind of response from the man who wouldn’t give in unless ordered to. 

Even then you just smiled innocently beside him, all signs of your earlier anger- whatever the cause had been- dissipating with the early Springtime breeze. Your smile caught the eyes of the Azuchi citizens, as did your linked hands and the same, slight upturn of Mitsuhide’s lips. Your relationship with Mitsuhide hadn’t exactly been made public to the citizens, but the pleased state of both yourself and he was enough to assume. 

And though they found it difficult to trust him, the fact that you were happy was enough.

“Come now, sweetheart.”

Tripping, you swore you had heard him wrongly.

Say what now-?

“Babe, there’s not much longer before we’re there. Did you require any assistance-?”

But you had once again zoned out. Impossible. 

Granted you had your suspicions from his earlier questioning, but for him to carry it out… Your giggles and that seemingly painful blush was enough for your lover to press a gentle kiss against your burning forehead with a chuckle.

“My my, Princess. Had I known I would receive such wondrous reactions, I would’ve interrogated you earli-”

You slapped a hand over his mouth as your lips overturned into a slight pout, prompting another chuckle vibrating from that broad chest of his. And before you decided to storm off embarrassedly, you prodded him once in the chest with your alternate hand.

“Damn you, you…. stupid enemy of mine!” 

Baffled, Mitsuhide couldn’t comprehend the term. And though he had quickly come to a conclusion that you were highly embarrassed by the pet name, he couldn’t help but grin at the irony of the name you had called him.

‘My enemy’… How fitting…

 ————————–

“Nooo~… Stop calling me those nicknames already!”

You see, as much as you enjoyed being called these names, there was that dilemma you had foreseen: That furious blush you had first made appear on your face several days ago had not yet faded, thanks to the sudden change in nicknames, and now you were actively avoiding your boyfriend. Naturally, with a man like Mitsuhide and his string of spies, hiding yourself was near-impossible and so here you were in the middle of a War Council, ‘hiding’ yourself in Hideyoshi’s right shoulder- much to Mitsuhide’s chagrin.

Face also buried in your hands, you pressed your forehead against the green haori you made for Nobunaga’s right-hand man. The man in question, however, just reached over his shoulder with his left hand and ruffled your hair comfortingly while Masamune and Nobunaga remained curled in hysterics, though the latter was somewhat closer to Mitsunari’s giggles. 

Somewhat.

Ieyasu’s mutters didn’t help either. As grumpy as he usually was, the mild ramblings of “What a waste of time” and “Foolish couples” only spurred on Masamune’s laughter, the latter having had the timely luck of positioning himself beside the porcupine-like male.

“But sugar,” Mitsuhide continued, grinning, “Seeing your face simply brightens my day! Won’t you show it to me?” 

“Nooo~”

If anything, your face was now pressed almost painfully against Hideyoshi’s back. As for how out of character Mitsuhide was, both you and he could honestly care less. If there was just one thing you could choose at this moment in time, it would be for your lover to stop calling you those sugary-sweet nicknames he knew you would never become accustomed to. 

“Come now, Mitsuhide,” Hideyoshi began, shaking his head with an unmissable frown, “Surely that’s enough teasing?”

And the said male just chuckled, agreeing with the rhetorical question as reaching over to coax you from your ‘hidden’ position with the brush of his fingers to your hair and nape.

“Princess? Will you accept this humble soul’s apology-?”

But if you had anything against it, it was lost to the pearls of laughter and your trembling shoulders from Mitsuhide’s words. Just what part of him had a ‘humble soul’ again? As far as you were concerned, he was the most unorthodox warlord of them all… In his own way. (You had to admit, all the warlords you knew were unorthodox in their unique way.) I mean, how often do you see warlords carry out tortures on their own will? How often do you see warlords tease the way he does?

Mitsuhide was everything but ‘a humble soul’. 

“Mitsuhide- love-” you wheezed between breaths of laughter, “Stop. Just stop, okay?”

Slapping your knee, you had unknowingly and audibly labelled your lover with a pet name selected on your own- something only Mitsuhide knew to be a mistake of yours. (You had long claimed yourself to be unable to call him by any other name than his own, after all.) But the other warlords- luckily- hadn’t taken notice, only smiling gently at the sound of your laughter.  

Yet you padded over anyway, lips still tilted upwards as a reminder of your earlier fit of giggles, landing gently in Mitsuhide’s lap. 

“Welcome back, little mouse.”

Though you had chosen to sit across his lap (rather than in his lap), your arms were wrapped around his neck and your face hidden in his right shoulder. And if it weren’t for the relaxed sigh and your overly-warm breath, he would’ve imagined that crimson blush drifting against his chest as his arms wound around your own. The sigh was one of comfort, he supposed, running his fingers through your hair and untangling what was knotted. Was it perhaps something to do with that old nickname he had brought back?

Ah, he chuckled to himself, I suppose I should question that later. There are more pressing concerns here, after all.

When the warlords were finally dismissed from their posts- granted, with open laughter from Nobunaga at the speed Mitsuhide had exited the room- the golden-eyed kitsune made a beeline to your shared room carrying you princess-style. Sliding the door shut with a talented foot, he settled you down in the futon gently and joined you, sliding a large, calloused hand in your own smaller ones. 

“Princess,” he greeted, pressing his lips against your intertwined hands, “Will you look at me?”

Reverting your gaze, your eyes met his own, glittering deep with thought.

“Will the princess grace me with her thoughts?” 

Your lips curled into a smile as you stared at the ceiling in wonder. Sure, you were willing to share your thoughts with him, though you supposed some form of teasing was required after everything he had put you through that week.

“And why should I?” 

Crossing your arms, you huffed in false irritation though the small upturn of your lips spoke wonders. Teasing him in return was all you had wished for, but your fox-eyed lover had caught sight of that grin, along with that strange sparkle in your eye of the telltale cheekiness. And he played along, intertwining his opposing hand with your own and pushing you gently down to the futon below. His lips fell upon your own, greedily kissing you breathless. Panting quietly as he slowly raised his head, he took note of the sweet blush that had once again made it’s way to the curve of your cheeks.

“I was just thinking about how I’d much rather hear your nicknames for me, rather than the ones from… Well, my time.”

Mitsuhide’s chest just rumbled as his laughter- a true one- echoed through the room and sat up, pulling you into his lap.

“Of course, princess. Anything you ask for, you’ll receive.” 

Pressing his lips gently against your forehead, you hummed against his chest in satisfaction. You didn’t need any of that. Any item Hideyoshi or anything else someone had given you was easily replaceable- something you had long since learnt. But it was he, that handsome, fox-eyed man that took your breath away; both literally and figuratively. It was he who managed to steal the one thing you initially weren’t willing to give- your heart- and that, solely, was what made him irreplaceable.  

“I’ll never need anything more than you.”

The gentle squeeze around your waist was more than enough to tell you how he felt.

 ——————-

Bonus:

“Hm… If I recall correctly, you once called me “an enemy”. Care to elaborate? Hm?”

Cackling, your head tilted backwards as you, too, recalled the event. It was unintentional but the so-called term of endearment had suddenly come forth from the depths of your memory, prompting you to announce him as so. 

There was no way in hell you would tell him just where you had learnt the name though. That much would be far too confusing for someone who knew next to nothing of modern shenanigans.

“That,” you wheezed in between words, “is a Korean pet name translated directly to Japanese.”

As Mitsuhide’s eyes narrowed playfully from opposite the table, you held your hands up in mock surrender, backing away slowly as he stood. 

“I didn’t mean it, I swear-”

But it was far too late. Long, pale and calloused had reached your sides, digging and poking gently as peals of precious laughter left your lips from his form of torture, left specifically for you. Your eyes were shut tightly as tears peered through the corner of your eyes, missing the joyful grin-cross-smile on Mitsuhide’s face.

“I- oh god- I yield! Mitsuhide! I- I yield!”

 ———————————–

And whether for the better or for the worse, every single time Hideyoshi would proclaim your lover to be a traitor, albeit using the term ‘enemy’, you would snicker quietly, only to soon send yourself into hysterics at the sight of Mitsuhide’s lips curled upwards in that same look of amusement.

And as usual, the warlords glanced at each other utterly perplexed at the sight.

Oh, if only the warlords knew why your laughter was so sweet.

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1, Chapter 13 (One Last Yeehaw)

• It's the chapter everyone's been waiting for! We're pregnant, we get to tell our spouses, we get to tell our friends, we get to tell the courtly ladies, Olivia wears leather, our MCs get to buy a crib for an poppy seed-sized something in their womb that doesn't even know what hands and legs are yet (forget cribs), and the best news of all...WE ARE FINALLLY LEAVING TEXAS!!!!

• If you don't want to see this post on your dash, these are the tags to block: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs and #long post.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Universal Studios 77 YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and the HIMEME YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch

Title: Spreading the Word

Alternative Title: It's a Child, Not the Gospel 🤦🏽‍♀

• Before I start talking about the chapter...storytime!

• Sooo...my first pregnancy was a couple of years ago. And I like telling the story of how I broke it to my husband coz it is pretty damn funny. We'd been trying for two years, and had a couple of times when our tests would be met with a disappointing negative. So by the time I did get pregnant, the hubby was a little wary of hoping too soon.

• I had an inkling just before my periods were expected to arrive, because I found myself flopping down on the bed immediately after work, without even making dinner. No morning sickness, no giddiness initially, just constantly feeling so tired. Anyway, hubby insisted I wait a couple days more before a test because he was too afraid of getting his hopes up, and I agreed.

• I took my test around 4 or 5 that morning? And had to wait a couple minutes for the lines...and THERE WERE TWO. Do you really think I could keep such news to myself for more than ten seconds?? (even that was too much). Of course I was going to shake poor hubby awake and show him the test.

• It took five vigorous shakes to wake the poor guy up, and as soon as he was somewhat awake I shoved the test in his face (I was excited ok! 🙈) forgetting that without his glasses he couldn't see shit (very high power). "I can't see anything," he said sleepily, so I gave him his glasses. Ensuing conversation went as follows.

H: There are two lines.

Me: Yeah...sooooo...? 😀😀

H (sudden realization what two lines are supposed to mean): OMG there are two lines??? *sleepy smile*

Me: YES. I'M PREGNANT.

H (weakly): Yayyyy. (pause)...can I go back to sleep now?

Me: But what will I do???

H: You also sleep.

Me (running on sheer adrenaline now) : I CAN'T SLEEP I JUST FOUND OUT I'M PREGNANT.

H: Oooookay. (is too sleepy at this point to process anything).

Me: (excitedly hops over to Google at 5.20 in the morning and types out "I'm 4 weeks pregnant now what")

LMAO. That first pregnancy was quite something.

• The chapter begins with the MC sending her spouse a text. Depending on whether you mentioned a surprise, mentioned that you need to have a talk or texted emojis instead, the LI will react accordingly.

• With the surprise option, the LI flirts with her. With "we need to talk", they appear tense and believe she's angry with them. The emoji option is the funniest, coz the MC sends a string of emojis with the last one being this: 🍞, and the LIs are confused and referencing the bread (I've seen only two routes of this one - Liam talks about the Cordonian Baker's Festival which will only happen after a couple months, and Hana speaks about a bread course). The MC is puzzled at first, then gets to choose how to tell her spouse the news.

• AAAAAND NOW THEY KNOW.

Liam: Ecstatic and excited at the thought of holding his own child in his arms. Immediately after, he worries over the preparations they will need to make, the childproofing of the throne room and the things they will need to get ready, and it is the MC who calms him down.

I personally love that the narrative makes a mention of Liam "recentering himself" here, because it does show me that this is a rare display of raw emotion, of Liam letting go of his control, and you get a glimpse of what calming down for him looks like. Wish it hasn't taken four books to actually muster up the effort to write that.

Hana: One of the sweetest reactions ever - "We're going to be moms?" and a hearty squeal after that. She then becomes emotional and teary, cries with joy. There's some gentle teasing of each other where they call each other "cute", and then Hana tells her she's so glad she gets to share both this moment and this entire journey of pregnancy with the MC.

Hana doesn't show many signs of her intensive planning in this particular scene, because this - again - calls for raw emotion where the LI basically forgets their "normal" and truly savours that moment, but we do see signs of the same type of planning in other scenes.

Maxwell: WHOOPS with joy and excitement as soon as he realizes. Wants to scream out the news on a mountaintop. He promises the MC that their family will be the most awesome, most fun one that the kingdom has ever seen.

I love how Maxwell's overall vibe in this chapter seems to reflect his family situation - he definitely wants to be the exact opposite to his own child what his father has been to him. It's a pity they don't explore that enough.

Drake: Wild with joy, can't stop grinning. But also worried about whether he is being careless with the MC and is overly concerned for her. Calls her not just by her surname but also her first name. I wonder if that should be added to my Book 1 tallies 😂

• That TRR lullaby music is going to be played so much after this that we'll eventually get sick of it. I know it. I know it already.

• The LIs also get to check in with the MC about how she's feeling, and you as the reader get to decide how she is feeling at the moment (ecstatic, nervous, scared?). We also get the option to decide when to break the news to our friends (at the reception itself, or the next morning at breakfast). I think enough of us had an axe to grind with Savannah and Bertrand for the stunt they pulled (with our help) last book, that most people slammed that "reception" button like their lives depended on it.

• The LIs also act in different ways before their friends find out about the pregnancy:

Liam and Hana both dote on the MC, and Hana specifically keeps the MC's dietary restrictions in mind (gets sparkling water/orange juice in place of champagne/mimosas, asks about caffeine content/salmon during breakfast - this varies depending on when you make the announcement). With Drake, the group figures out that he has something on his mind because he's grinning nonstop, and Maxwell tries really really hard to hint at the MC's pregnancy by using phrases like 'bun in the oven' and 'expecting', and gives up in frustration when no one catches on.

• There are three ways you can tell the news to the group - if you're at the reception, you can leave them to guess, get the LI to announce via loudspeaker or scream it out. If you're at home, the same three options except the second one is simply the LI delivering the news in a more low-key manner.

•

YOU'RE SUCH DORKS ISTG.

• Bertrand is happy for us but Savannah is surprisingly (to my great joy) nowhere to be found.

• CELEBRATORY DIAMOND SCENE. For 30 diamonds, which is usually reserved either for finales or turning-point diamond scenes. Again, these scenes deal with the newness of it all, the jubilation, the end of a (not very long, actually) wait, and the LIs get to talk about family.

•

The sex part is 🔥 🔥 🔥 as usual, but the parts that really justify the 30 diamonds we're spending come before and after that. Each LI, as I've mentioned before, responds differently, but the thread that connects them all is the awe and wonder at this new life, and their plans and worries for the future (Good. You all should be worried if Olivia's diamond scene is anything to go by).

- Liam: In the pre-sex portion, the focus is on celebrating this moment they have alone - as parents - together, because once this news is brought out to the world, both they and their child will be thrown into the spotlight. I have spoken in this essay about the kind of upbringing royal children tend to have and the lessons they unknowingly learn in that environment. Liam has gone through this, he is aware his child will go through it too, but he wants the child to have as normal a life as he as a father can provide. This is clear in the last portion of the scene, where he touches the MC's stomach, marvels at the life they both created and - as per the MC's choice - communicates with said child. My favourite option of course is the lullaby, because it's one that Eleanor used to sing to him - and it is interesting how a lot of Liam's memories of an actual parent, doing actual parent-things, is of his mother.

- Hana: In the pre-sex portion, she speaks about how nervous they've both been over whether this pregnancy would happen and the pressure from the court, and how excited she is that that moment is finally here. When the MC asks her if she is nervous or scared, Hana tells her that even though everything that has led up to this (leaving her parents, having a new life in Cordonia) has been unknown and scary, knowing that they will finally have their own family outweighs "all the worries in the world". In the last portion of the scene, they flirt playfully, leading Hana at some point to wonder about whether they should set ground rules if the child is going to be such a charmer. She's already got a whole range of things prepared - from a pregnancy kit to snacks and drinks appropriate for the MC's condition - but the MC encourages her to relax and not worry too much. You can tell that Hana is already in the zone of wanting to be a better parent for her child than her own.

- Maxwell: I find the Maxwell version of this scene really interesting this time, because it deals with both his struggle to change for his child, and his struggle to NOT be the kind of father Bartie Sr was (finally they address this!). The first part of the scene involves Maxwell being his usual excitable self, wanting to scream the news from the rooftops then realising that it might be too risky for his wife. He speaks of wanting to "rewire" himself into "Good Dad mode". The last portion is especially poignant, because he speaks both of what a life without the MC would have been life (an enjoyable Beaumont Bash, but one where he is forever searching for someone, and feeling constantly lonely, like something is missing in his life), and he also promises his wife that he will be the kind of father who will learn and grow from his mistakes, and who will be there whenever his children need him most, not just drop by on the day of their child's wedding.

- Drake: Drake also falls back into old-habit before getting into father-mode - he mentions celebrating with drinks before realizing the MC cannot have them. The MC gets to choose either a non alcoholic beverage or a massage, and as far as I have seen the massage comes with yet another family story about his father massaging a particular spot in his mother's shoulder that would easily tense up. It astounds me how much effort the writers make into making Drake's scenes and exchanges so much more personal than the others. Like the others have their moments in this scene too - but in their cases such moments are the exception, not the norm. In Drake's it's always the norm.

In the aftermath of the scene, the couple get to discuss how they will bring up their child, even though that child will be heir to Cordonia's throne, and get to choose if they want to bring that child up with a sense of normality, or to appreciate the benefits they get from the royal life. In the end, all Drake wants this child to know at the moment is how much their parents love them.

• We now have brunch, hosted by the newlyweds. If we have not yet announced our pregnancy, Bertrand will simply announce us the way a herald would at a royal event before Savannah teases him for doing so, and if we have, he mentions that we are "celebrating the happy news with them once more". Bertrand speaks of being overly formal when he's very happy, and is even happier to mention the word "wife". That'll last.

• Leona gives Bertrand a cup of bourbon as a reward for the way he stood up to Chuck, claiming that she thought of him as a "pretty boy" who knew nothing, but was impressed by his behaviour on the wedding day. At this point I can only roll my eyes and finally celebrate when Auntie Bitch disappears. We've wasted way too much time than necessary on Drake's shitty family.

• If you haven't announced the news, you announce it after this scene. There are a few slight changes, esp the drinks mentioned in certain cases because the brunch is a more relaxed atmosphere than the reception so the food and drink items mentioned are pretty low-key. But everything else is pretty much as is.

• Bertrand and Savannah have a honeymoon to plan, which means we will finally get a break from them too, and Bianca asks us what we're planning in order to celebrate the news. Maxwell suggests getting a gift for the new arrival (9 months before arriving), and Savannah suggests they go to the general store and get something from there. The MC is nervous, because she wasn't exactly planning to meet Cassidy West again. Thankfully, he isn't at the store, so she's pretty safe 😂

•

All the LIs have items they will check out with their friends/wives, but the scene varies related to who the MC married. Minimally in most cases, quite a bit in just one. As usual.

Maxwell shows us baby socks, and realizes that this child is a "miniature human" who will have small-sized everything. Virtually nothing changes in this scene except for Maxwell calling the child "our baby" instead of "yours" in his own playthrough. Everything else is disappointingly identical.

Hana shows us a toy tea set (it's still early days but Hana tells the MC it will be fun to practice and to think of the treats the child can eat from that). If you are married to her, she gets a single line referencing the childhood scene where she waited in vain for her mother at her own tea party.

Liam's scene is the one wit the diamond option - as the King of Cordonia whose entire country's future rides on this child, he is the one who gets to show the MC (+ LI in their respective playthroughs) the crib. There are two variations in this scene - the ones where Liam speaks about "our heir". Other than that, very little difference (though he does mention Constantine in one line later, so I guess that's a plus).

Drake shows the MC a wooden rocking horse. In his friend playthrough, he speaks of the gift as something the child can have to remember "ol' Uncle Drake" by. But if you're married to him, there is a whole set of dialogues where Drake talks of riding horses being part of the Walker DNA, and there is a reference to the secret wedding (riding off into the sunset), and there is interactive banter between the MC and Drake that you don't see much of in the other playthroughs. I wish I could say I'm surprised.

• I mean...seriously??? Maxwell gets NO OTHER VARIATIONS??? Hana's mention of her mother never coming to her tea parties isn't even followed up by a line expressing comfort from the MC????

• Just as we got there options for our nursery decor, we also get three options for the crib (classic, royal, forest fairytale). The royal option is lavish, all gold and cream, and the fairytale option is whimsical, wood finish and the same patterns of forest animals and flowers and leaves as the walls. The classic option is, like its corresponding decor, "very neutral. very baby".

• We exit the shop as quickly as we can either because Maxwell broke a trampoline (in the Liam, Hana and Drake playthroughs), or Hana dropped some teacups (in Maxwell's playthrough).

• Once we're done shopping, we get a call from Olivia, who is at our estate in Valtoria, asking us for the most precious thing in our room. But before she can ask, we tell her we're either furniture shopping or pregnant. The option the writers want us to be choosing is "pregnant", because there's a scene where Olivia secretly happy-cries for us when she learns the news. We can agree to loan her either some fancy shoes, our engagement ring (in the Maxwell playthrough, apparently, there is a reference to the twig ring he made back at the beginning of Book 3) or the Cordonian Royal Sceptre. She isn't sure if she'll come back alive, so she thanks us in case she doesn't.

• The ensuing Olivia diamond scene comes with a chance to figure out what Olivia is upto, an advantage over Auvernal, and a tiny hint at a Nevrakis name for TRM.

• I must say, the writers never cease to go all out for Olivia. Even over the female LI that should have been treated like a co-protagonist. And it's tiring because yet again I'll have to see half the fandom drag Hana just so they can drool over the white girl (in fact I already have).

• Olivia's sprite on the left side of the screen...is going to take some getting used to. It's disorienting. But it's fine after a second one!

• Anyway. She is now at a casino in Monte Carlo, meeting up with Bradshaw and Isabella. She's clearly in super-spy mode, since she refers to the King and Queen of Auvernal as targets rather than their names or titles. She has a better edge over the two if she is honest about her intentions and doesn't pretend she just bumped into them.

• Bradshaw speaks about King Liam sending his 'attack dog' to them and 'not doing his own dirty work' which is hilarious considering this man is from a militaristic society yet doesn't even know the C of combat training and has never done anything besides strategizing.

• Isabella always delivers her stinky, unwarrented opinion as if it holds any weight or has any relevance. In Olivia's case, she mentions Anton's marriage contract with Olivia and wonders aloud how the Queen/Duchess still trusts her enough to allow Olivia in her inner circle after that. All three options to push back at Izzy are 🔥 but my favourite one is "you look like you know all about poor judgement" (which is true, look at who she married).

• Olivia then gambles with Bradfraud and Stinkybella, with whatever the MC chose to give her as stakes. The best option is to simply call Bardfraud on his bluff, because he folds easily. Depending on whether Olivia wins or loses the game, he either asks the guards to place the item in the penthouse, or to get more funds from there. Olivia takes note.

• She then has to make sure she nicks the key to the penthouse from Stinkybella, either by acting tipsy or by coming closer to her for an "awkward hug". Both do the job.

• She learns the following from the penthouse:

- Bradfraud and Stinkybella stay in separate rooms, which means things "aren't as rosy" between them.

- She finds a letter of rejection, doubtless from another royal couple, and this is an indication that they aren't as popular as they pretend to be.

- She finds a map of a land she doesn't recognize (is it Monterisso? Olivia would recognize a map of her own country...and neighboring countries...but who am I fooling it's not like team TRH concerns themselves with such ridiculous things as logic!), which has troop formations on it. They're planning something called Operation Swan. I've heard of "Black Swans" and "Swanning About" used as military terms, but there's not a lot I understand from this. Perhaps this leans more towards a "black swan" idea - where they will launch a surprise attack with a nation they are allying with? IDK.

- Basically, we have enough leverage to win against these two, thanks to Olivia's work.

• In any case, someone comes to the room, and Olivia is on the verge of getting caught. So she'll need to scale her way down.

• This shows us if you have Olivia pray to her ancestors for wings:

(Theodosia is clearly the Renaissance Nevrakis)

• If you don't choose to scale down, Olivia will land on the pool instead, but even then she makes it out okay. She decides to keep an eye out because Bradfraud and Stinkybella could pose as a problem for Liam and the MC.

• Olivia is operating on her own, as far as she has told Bradfraud, but the possibility that Liam is aware of what she is upto still exists. And the MC has no clue even if she is Liam's wife because:

a. The writers are too lazy to code this for Liam, and

b. It's not like the MC puts any effort into finding things out anyway

• We're now leaving the Walker Ranch, a couple hours later, and saying our goodbyes to Drake's mother and aunt. I heave a sigh of relief at the fact that there's no additional "memories" from Bianca become this family has gobbled up enough of our attention. Seems like their horrible attitude was really about the money they didn't get after all (it's a fair gripe to have, but doesn't exactly warrant the attitude they've been throwing around).

• Leona still acts like she did us a huge fucking favour hosting us, even though she was an awful host and seriously deserves to lose her ranch. Bianca tries to be civil but no apologies from her for allowing her son in law to be treated like crap until his wedding day. Seems like all Walkers have a habit of expecting civility from others while giving none.

• Bianca asks us to keep in touch and I'm pretty sure a huge chunk of the fandom said "no way in Yeehaw Hell".

• Liam continues to be mysterious with regards to what Olivia is up to, and Esther - who I HC'd as inquisitive - seems not to care enough to ask more.

• The LI tells us, as we leave, that Kiara, Penelope and Madeleine will be traveling in the jet with us, and it's up to us to decide how we break the news to them. If you own corgis, that features as an option. Two of the options (writing on a cake and announcement by corgi) come with a simple "Coming Soon...The Royal Heir", but the charade one is my favourite 🤭

• Penelope is that particular Drake/Walker Ranch stan who loved the time we spent at the ranch and Kiara is the rest of the fandom, who would much rather be in Cordonia than cooling her heels in Texas.

•

AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The MC then tries another charade, one that resembles cradling a baby in her arms, which Kiara takes to mean "American football" (thank God they don't force Cordonians to call it "soccer" anymore), Madeleine takes to mean "a common pirate jig" and Penelope somehow gets the guess right (though Kiara is the one who straight-out says it).

• The ladies are ecstatic, and congratulate us. Penelope calls for drinks, but Kiara has the common sense to add that the drinks should be alcohol-free. Madeleine informs us of the events lined up for us, including the Apple Ball which will doubtless be the ball we will be attending in the finale.

•

There's a small private moment where the LIs dote over the MC more than necessary, wanting to pamper her and keep her in comfort. The MC calms them down, convinces them that they have a very good support system/are a great team together who can achieve anything.

• Mara still finds out about the pregnancy via Maxwell scouring the online shops for corgi-themed onesies even when he is the father. Which makes sense. It's still Good Dad Mode 😁

• In the tiny space of time it took between Madeleine finding out we were pregnant and us talking to people, she managed to schedule a conference for the same day! At least let us confirm the pregnancy with our docs???

• Plus, announcing this early, even if you're not royalty, is pretty risky. You're mostly advised to not disclose it too soon because the first trimester can be a little risky. And there are also cases where your first ultrasound turns out to not be that happy moment where you see that yolk sac and hear its heartbeat, or an ectopic pregnancy 😔. I recall reading about it on pregnancy forums before my first ultrasound (and stressing, but I had to be prepared) and not being satisfied until I confirmed it for myself.

• The writers and the readers know she'll be pregnant because that is what the story is, but perhaps if the team hadn't wasted so much time on the Walker Ranch, they'd at least not have to hurry like this.

• Actually...no. "Hurrying" would be the wrong word. Because they're going to stretch the press conference itself to like two chapters, it seems like. Basically they will spend time on everything that isn't important to the story as long as it's important to their pet character.

• The summary of Chapter 15 (CHAPTER FUCKING FIFTEEN. We're stuck at the beginning of all this even by CHAPTER FIFTEEN) speaks of the press conference heating up, so I'm having an inkling that there will be some pretty heavy stuff being asked in between? Maybe with regards to alliances, or a new scandal, or something else. But it's not going to be easy at all, that much is pretty clear. It's going to be frustrating and there's going to be stuff that will anger the LIs I think. I could be wrong, though.

• Overall this chapter does better in terms of variations even though they still do beef up Drake quite a bit over the others. But at least Liam, Hana and Maxwell get the rare opportunity to briefly address the mistakes (too small a word for what they've done) their parents have made. It's still not enough though. Esp considering the last 9 chapters have seen such an overall of Walker history and Drake's memories and the others have barely a handful of chapters to catch up.

• Sometimes I wonder if Olivia's independent investigation is also fueled by her desire to be so different from her parents and aunt as to wipe out the memory of their betrayal through her deeds. I do wonder if she will burn herself out completely in the process. She is made of sterner stuff than that, I know, but the determination she was showing in this scene and in the last few chapters was on another level.

• I wonder if we will get intel on Monterisso as well (I don't fully trust Amalas yet), or whether the narrative plans to establish this country as the underdog we will be supporting. Who knows. But I'm sure we will see more of that country in further chapters as well.

• That's it for this chapter, I think. Until the next one!

[impracticaldemon]

The Benefits of Long Hair

Hakuouki fanfiction by impracticaldemon for this prompt:

Words:  ~ 2100 [coming to FFnet and now on AO3] Rating:  T+ for implied (very mild, but very implied) sexual context 

***UPDATED ON 2020-03-13 to be consistent with newly posted Ch. 6***

A/Note:  This was originally going to be a stand-alone SaiChi ficlet, but my good intentions went out the window with the very first sentence.  Consequently, this is instead a follow-up to the story The Ghost, which itself was supposed to be a short one-shot that became a 3500-word first chapter to an entire SaiChi semi-AU:  Reassurance (Ch.2), The Road to Tokyo (Ch.3), Interactions (Ch.4).

I’d like to thank both @nollatooru and @cleomigadon for adding art to this story:  both serious, But You’re Dead!; and less serious, Yes Please (sketch added in reblog).

@fierce-little-miana​ Thank you for this request! (and congratulations for being a reader-of-tags!)

The Benefits of Long Hair (The Ghost, Chapter 5)

After two weeks of travel, Saitō and Chizuru were relieved to find an affordable inn with a bathhouse reserved for guests.  It was tiny, having simply been partitioned off from the family bathhouse, but that was nothing to a young couple who had travelled during the worst of the war, and survived innumerable hardships.  That said, there was one unforeseen complication:  the size was not well-suited to washing long hair, and Chizuru’s former pony-tail had grown out considerably over the past two years.  Not that it bothered Chizuru.

“It will be fine,” she assured her betrothed.  “I’ve had to manage with my hair many, many times—you must know that.”

Saitō remained in the doorway, his lips compressed in the way that told Chizuru that he wasn’t satisfied with the situation, and was contemplating alternatives.  She waited patiently, kneeling by the side of the bath.  She’d been testing the warmth and cleanliness of the water, although Saitō would bathe first, of course.

“…Would it not be easier if I were to wash your hair for you?”

Chizuru couldn’t help staring up at him in surprise, and felt heat touch her cheeks.  It was too dim to see whether Saitō was blushing as well; his tone had been neutral.

“ Saitō-san?”  Chizuru couldn’t bring herself to voice her thoughts—that they’d never shared a bath, and had yet to share a bed, although they fell asleep each night holding hands now.  She knew that Saitō was waiting for her to be comfortable with him, since they had reunited less than three weeks ago, and she had thought him dead for two years.

“I apologize if I ask too much, but I would be pleased to—it would be pleasant…”  Saitō trailed off, his voice becoming uncertain as Chizuru’s silence lengthened.

Chizuru made up her mind almost at once.  What was convention and modesty between them at this point?  She’d spent almost four years pretending to be a boy living among men, and she’d worked as a nurse for the two years after Saitō had left her for his unwinnable war in Aizu.

“Oh no—it is not asking too much!  Please don’t apologize, Saitō-san!  I’m truly grateful for your consideration.”  She bowed politely, but strong fingers immediately raised her head, and she discovered that Saitō had silently dropped to the floor beside her.

“Don’t bow your head to me, Chizuru.  Please.”

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Chizuru couldn’t repress a smile.  This close, she could make out Saitō’s slight smile in return.

“The others would laugh at us—at me,” she conceded wryly, thinking of Hijikata-san, and Okita-san, and Harada-san. The pang of sadness at the thought of their friends was less pronounced today than usual, and not just because Saitō had said that Nagakura-san was most likely alive.

“If you would be more comfortable, then you could retain your under-clothing?”

“ Saitō-san… it is fine. But in return—” she gathered up her courage, and ignored her hot cheeks and dry mouth—“I would like you to let me wash your hair afterwards.”

Saitō looked startled, and then flustered—it was rather adorable!—and then calm again.  He studied her, his deep blue eyes fixed on hers, and then the hand still holding her chin gently stroked her cheek.

“If that is what you wish, then of course… Although my hair isn’t very long anymore.”

“It will still be easier for you,” Chizuru insisted.

“…That is true.  But”—he smiled faintly again—“I doubt I’ll be thinking about my hair.”  He leaned forward, and kissed her lightly on the lips.  She let her eyes close, still savouring every contact after so long apart. They had kissed many times in the past several days, and it warmed her each time.  Her mind was still adapting to the fact that he wasn’t ‘missing in action—presumed dead.’

“You will go first, though—in the bath—so—"

“No, you will go first.” Saitō raised a hand at her protest. “I doubt my ability to wash your hair properly once you’ve helped me bathe.”

Something in his voice made Chizuru acutely aware of how close they were, and how much closer they could be.  Desire heated her body in a way the warm steam around them couldn’t.

“…Alright, Saitō-san.”

She stood up, and started to remove her clothing, moving quickly so that she didn’t become paralyzed with embarrassment.  Saitō turned his back, which made it easier, no matter how pointless a gesture it was, in the circumstances.  It wasn’t easy—she’d always been so very careful when she was a guest-prisoner of the Shinsengumi, and she was modest by nature—but she managed to strip down to her skin before stepping carefully into the bath and pulling her knees into her chest. The water and dim light could only conceal so much, but… so be it.  For some reason, it helped if she closed her eyes.

“Do you have the soap?”

“Yes, Saitō-san, I have everything ready.”

She didn’t hear him walk around behind her, but she could sense movement and feel his presence.  When one of his hands dropped to her bare shoulder, she twitched, but forced herself calm again.

“Please lean forward, Chizuru.”

She bent her head forward, as instructed, and felt warm water cascade over her hair and back. After another jug of water, Saitō picked up the soap and lathered it between his hands—or so she assumed.  A moment later, his hand awkwardly caressed the top of her head.  It took some getting used to—letting Saitō—Saitō!—wash and rinse her hair as though she was a child again.  But once she relaxed, it became very pleasant, as he gently washed off the dust of the road, and then scrubbed more vigorously at the hair that lay closest to the scalp. His movements were a little hesitant at first, but quickly became deft and sure.  Every section of hair was cleaned; along with every part of her scalp and neck.  If his fingers sometimes lingered longer than necessary on her skin, she didn’t object.

By the time he began to rinse each long section of hair in turn, before twisting it into a knot and pinning it so that it didn’t trail back into the bath, Chizuru was almost too content to feel embarrassment over the way he was spoiling her. Almost.  The more tradition-oriented part of her felt guilty that she had bathed before him, and as for the way he had washed her hair—!

Saitō-san?”

“Yes, Chizuru?”

“You’re very good at this—and you’re being much to kind to me…”

“I am pleased that you are pleased, but I assure you that I am… very happy to be doing this for you.”

At last, all of Chizuru’s hair was loosely pinned up on top of her head.  She was about to rise, but Saitō forestalled her.

“Wash first.  I’ll fetch clean water for the jug.”

“Oh, but—”

“It’s not far.  I requested water be drawn and heated. When I return, we can switch places. Or I can manage on my own if you are feeling overheated from the bath.”

“No!  I mean, no, I’m fine.  I’ll wash up quickly, and be ready to do your hair when you return.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”  Chizuru spoke as firmly as she could.  She refused to let embarrassment prevent her from sharing this special time with Saitō.  She would just have to get used to letting him see her unclothed.  And… obviously… she would see him…  At least she could ascribe any flush in her skin to the heat in the small bath chamber.

She did scrub quickly, but did not get out of the bath right away.  If Saitō was surprised that she hadn’t taken advantage of his tacit offer to let her slip into her under-kimono while he was away, it only showed briefly. He set down the hot water jug, and picked up Chizuru’s yukata, holding it out for her so that she could remove most of the excess water with a towel, and then slip into her sleep-wear without difficulty.

It took more courage to step out of the bath than Chizuru had expected, but she managed.  She kept her eyes lowered, so that she didn’t know if Saitō was watching her or not, although she had a feeling that he was.

As soon as she had slipped her arms into the yukata, Saitō turned her around—carefully, in case she was dizzy from sitting in the bath—and wrapped his arms around her.  He’d set aside his own yukata, and the embrace pulled them skin-to-skin, causing Chizuru to draw in a sharp breath of surprise and something else—arousal?  When Saitō immediately released her, she clung to him instead, savouring the warmth of his skin against hers.

“I’ll—I’ll wash your hair now, Saitō-san,” she managed, eventually.

The arms about her loosened again reluctantly, and she stepped back, so that he could finish stripping and enter the bath.  She kept her eyes—mostly!—on the floor, but… he was very handsome, and his arousal was somewhat obvious.

Kneeling in the small space beside the bath, Chizuru focussed on rinsing, and then washing, Saitō’s indigo hair.  It was a great deal shorter than it had once been, but it was long enough for her to enjoy the way the strands softened and became more clingy as she carefully lathered the whole, and then rinsed each section in turn.  When she was done, she patted the lightly curling locks to near-dry with a towel.  He would no doubt wet the lower ends again while he washed, but she combed her fingers through it anyway, ostensibly to remove any persistent tangles, but mostly because it felt good and made this peaceful moment last a bit longer.

“Chizuru?”

“Mm?”

There was silence, for long enough that Chizuru looked up, studying the back of Saitō’s head, and trying not to trace the line of his jaw, and neck, and shoulders with her eyes. It wasn’t possible, so she gave in to inclination.

“Would you… could we…” Saitō drew a deep breath, then started again.  Were his ears red?  It was difficult to tell in the faint light.  “Could we—tonight—share a bed?  That is—will you consider it?”

Chizuru looked down at the damp towel in her hands, and then up at the muscled—though still too-thin—shoulders she could see above the edge of the bath.  She didn’t feel the need to think about it at all.  A kind of ache had settled into her lower body as she’d been washing Saitō’s hair, but not a bad one.  It was more of a want, a need, to be touched, and to touch in return.

“Um, yes.  Yes we could, I mean—if that’s what you want?” That didn’t sound very convincing, so she added:  “I would like that too.”  She thought she saw some of the tension go out of Saitō’s neck and shoulders.

“Ah… well then.”  He cleared his throat.  “I think you know this, but… I desire you.”

There was a great deal of longing in the simple words, and Chizuru felt a swooping sensation in her stomach. She suspected she was blushing from head to toe, but who wouldn’t?

“Well then, um, I sh-should let you finish here, and I’ll just go—go get ready for bed.  That is—I’ll go brush my hair.”

Saitō craned his head around.  

“Thank you for washing my hair, Chizuru.”

“Oh-oh yes!  Of course.  Thank you for washing mine.  I know it was a lot of trouble”

“It was no trouble.”

He’d said those words to her many times, over the years.  She reached out and smoothed his damp hair back from his forehead one more time. A strong hand caught her wrist, though carefully, so as not to overbalance her.

“ Saitō-san?”

“It will be better if we go in together.  Wait just a minute longer.”

Chizuru hesitated—she didn’t want him to rush on her account—but she could tell he was serious about wanting her to wait.  “I’ll wait. And, um, there is no hurry.”  She turned away to fetch a dry towel, and Saitō’s yukata, just to give herself something to do.

From behind her, she heard a huff of amusement, soft and unexpected.  She couldn’t perfectly make out the accompanying murmur, but the sense of it was very clear:  there was every reason to hurry.

[END]

@ahodesune @shell-senji @sabinasanfanfic @nalufever @soujthings @canadiangaap @eliz1369 @hidetheremote @eheartangel @moon-faced-pear-shaped @hakuyamazakisensei @kondo-hijikata

[s3tracha]

Paranormal... activities ?

Am I capable of naming my stories ? Probably, if I tried. Do I try ? Absolutely not.

Hewwo evewyone, I usually never post my writing on sideblogs and such but look, this sideblog is for the boys, there’s a challenge specifically for the boys, I’m not about to post it on my writing sideblog. Nobody follows it anyway and I’m not a fool

I know I’m not posting this in time. :3c

Summary: in short, the adventures of Minho and Jisung in the abandoned house.

Content warning: I don’t think there’s any warning to be given ? It’s supposed to be spooky month but it’s more humourous than anything ! I guess there’s some cussing though. And maybe bad English, redundant phrasing, #notanativespeakergang.

Reblogs are very much appreciated - and if you wanna add commentary in the tags or replies you’re more than welcome to do so !

[4:12 pm]

“ You know what ? This is going to be so much fun. No, really, we’re about to have a great time - why would we not enjoy it ? We’re paranormal investigators ! Surely, it can’t go wrong. “

[11:43 pm]

“ This is the worst thing we’ve ever done. “

“ Mh. “

“ This is so, so not fun at all. “

“ Mh. “

“ I hate everything about this. I wanna go home. Can we go home ? “

“ Mh. “

“ … Are you listening to me ? “

“ Mh. “

With that last response, Jisung frowned and looked back at his friend. … Silence. Minho was completely silent. Mouth agape, eyes kind of glaring at everything and nothing at the same time, his hand holding onto Jisung’s arm pretty tightly now that he was paying attention to it… What, really ? He was going to have to be the driving force here ? Not that he wasn’t already aware of that, but… ah, geez. The younger teen took a few seconds before exhaling a soft sigh and looking around them again.

Minho’s reaction was understandable. The house wasn’t only abandoned, it looked awful ! Like the walls were rotting ( and he was pretty sure that wasn’t something walls usually did but he couldn’t attest to this if questioned about it ), the floor was much dirtier than any damn house floor should be… Weird, unsettling paintings everywhere, clothes here and there, so many broken glass bottles he couldn’t count them - some of them hadn’t been finished and the liquid which he could only assume to be alcohol had given the place quiet a stench. Terror was a pretty appropriate reaction to a place like this. He’d seen places that were less scary to sleep at.

Maybe sending them both together hadn’t been the greatest idea but he hadn’t considered the cons hard enough before agreeing. And even if he hadn’t agreed, he couldn’t have changed it.

As a full team, they were nine, rotating in two pairs each time and trying to not send the same two people all the time. The two who’d investigate were chosen randomly and, sometimes the same person could go twice in a row… As a result, this was Minho’s third time this month. Needless to say, going with Chan and then Hyunjin hadn’t been very beneficial to his already very pronounced fear of… pretty much everything. When it wasn’t the ghosts and demons and whatnot scaring him, it was the other boy present with him. With Hyunjin it wasn’t necessarily intentional, Hyunjin was just… loud at the wrong time.

Maybe agreeing to being paranormal investigators along with their entire friend group had been a mistake in itself… Couldn’t really back out anymore.

Now Jisung wasn’t exactly the most reassuring presence either but for an entirely different reason: though not as scared as himself, he was just… more pressure. He wasn’t scared as much as he was stressed and tried to play it off like he wasn’t, obviously and maybe that made it worse. Either way, Minho was both terrified and spacing out. 

Great. Truly, the most fun they’d have in their entire life.

“ Uh, so, about the occurrences… Seungmin said we should be able to hear footsteps and some whispers here, the whispers would come from a crying man, and maybe he can move stuff too so… “ Jisung spoke again, his voice shaking slightly as he tried to bring himself back on the right track. The track of not being scared for the sake of his poor friend who clearly still wasn’t listening to him.

“ Poor guy passed of heartbreak after his wife took the kids and left… Maybe he’s not that mean. Maybe– maybe he won’t try to scare us, y’know… “

He trailed off, eventually just keeping to himself. Kind of forgot where he was going with this anyway. He was more focused on observing their surroundings while Minho was seemingly finally coming back to his senses - and with a small gasp and his other hand now holding Jisung’s arm as well, he shook his head to make sure he was, at last, processing things right.

“ Great, so, what’s up with the footsteps then ? “ He immediately asked, trying to take a look around as well. The least he could do.

“ Oh, dude had a pet dog that let itself die after his owner passed… “

“ A dog ? “

“ And a cat. But dog footsteps are louder than cat footsteps. “

“ Of course they are. “

Minho rolled his eyes, shaking his head again with a sigh. That earned Jisung another frown. “ What ? It’s true ! “

“ Mh. “ 

Ugh, great. The boy stared for a few seconds before sighing in his turn. Was there really no way to put the other in a good mood ? Well, the setting probably didn’t help either, but now that was just getting upset over a problem that didn’t even exist. So he was afraid of ghosts but cat ghosts are fine ? Ridiculous ! For one, he was scared of both equally.

Still, as much as he hated doing this - and especially doing this with Minho -, he at least wanted the atmosphere to not be tense for no reason at all. He had to fix it. He had to make something up on the spot and then the others would make fun of him for it when they’d hear about it. Yup.

“ W- well, I’d forgotten about that but… Um, Seungmin also said that… that you can– I mean, sometimes, rarely, you can hear… uh… the cat ! You can hear it ! “

An admirable attempt. Maybe the other’s face lit up a little at the words, too.

“ He said that ? “

“ Yeah ! If we’re lucky… I mean, maybe lucky isn’t the right word but we can hear it meow ! And… purr… and scratch the walls…? “

“ You’re kidding, of course lucky’s the right word ! Okay, where do we start ? “

The sudden enthusiasm from his previously mortified friend sure managed to throw Jisung off. Once again staring for a few seconds, time for him to think of something to answer with and to deal with how easily his lies had been eaten up, god he’d hate himself if Minho found out he lied, he eventually seemed to gain all of his confidence back and flashed a bright smile. One of those smiles that make it seem like he’s not only confident, but cocky about it as well. 

“ I suggest we… go separate ways to visit ! So we can get it all done fa– “

“ Pass, next. “

“ Wha– Why ? I thought we were good ! “ Jisung exclaimed, visibly taken aback once again. Was this ever going to make any sense ?

“ So long as I haven’t heard the cat I’m not gonna be any good and I certainly don’t wanna be left alone here,” Minho retorted, his grip on Jisung’s arm not loosening. “ Chan tried. I left the building. “

“ But Chan’s an ass when we’re investigating, and I’m not ! “ He knew he wasn’t changing anybody’s mind. “ Ah, fine. But we’re gonna have to stay awake muuuch longer. “

Minho shrugged. “ Fine. I got snacks in my bag. “

“ Well, cool. “

“ Yeah. “

Silence. Jisung was pulling a face. Minho was looking around, though this time probably more avoiding Jisung’s face than actually looking around. Jisung considered the possibility of them doing standup comedy rather than paranormal investigation in the future, with how comical every situation they got into ended up being, but that probably wouldn’t really pay bills… not that paranormal investigation did though. Oh, and they had all of this on tape, right. He’d kind of forgotten they had cameras.

The silence kept on going before Jisung of course it’d be him gave in and gestured vaguely. “ I guess we’re gonna start with… downstairs. That’s not where the guy died apparently so we shouldn’t see anything but we can still hear the footsteps, and the sobs. But we’d hear them better upstairs so for now– “

Cut off by a door slamming, followed by the both of them screaming and Jisung almost dropping the camera he was holding. And silence again. Two weak hearts needed some time to calm down and assess the new state of things, which was different in one way: a door, they did not know which nor where it was, was now closed.

This time, rather than talk, Jisung went and started walking again, Minho being forcibly dragged along despite how reluctant he might’ve been had he been able to be a little more responsive. The lights strapped to his and the other boy’s foreheads were probably the things he was most grateful for at the moment…

Their quiet investigation kept on going until after they’d gone around the kitchen. It had been quick, given the putrid smell they really wanted to get away from as quickly as possible.

Then Jisung laughed.

“ That sure was something, huh ? “ Not an ounce of confidence in his voice. Definitely faking it still though.

“ Sure was, “ Minho muttered, nose slightly scrunched up from the smell still, “ and also I don’t think I wanna see what the restroom’s like so let’s skip it. “

“ Yeah, okay. “

He’d already avoided some rooms with Jeongin once. They just pretended they lost the footage when asked about it. Surely that didn’t only happen when he was part of the investigation, right ? Eh, whatever. He’d just cut off the footage they already had so it’d seem like they opened the door.

“ Okay, anyway… Hello, ghosts ! I am incredibly NOT scared of you, and you can’t do anything to me ! “ Oh, here’s the bravado. “ Let’s just talk and have some tea, and maybe some snacks and– “

“ No, wait. Shh. “

He raised an eyebrow but complied. Something he had feared was Minho being the one to notice something, because who knew how Minho would react to anything ? If he noticed something first he could at least anticipate his reaction. Not his own, but… that was less of a problem, as surprising as it might’ve been given he wasn’t too relaxed either.

And then it came… the footsteps. Jisung felt not only himself going stiff, but Minho as well - his grip tightening on the poor boy’s arm who ended up wincing in pain instead of focusing on the noise.

“ Does… Does the dog attack ? “ Minho whispered, voice shaking slightly.

“ I… No, “ Jisung answered just as quietly, “ please don’t cut off my blood circulation. “

“ Does the dog go upstairs ? “

“ I don’t… think s– Hey, stop ! “

Here they were, rushing to the staircase, and it was Jisung’s turn to be forcefully dragged there since Minho wouldn’t release his arm.

“ Come on, that’s crazy ! There’s a dead man’s ghost on this floor, it isn’t any better ! “ Jisung tried to argue, mentally attempting to rationalise anything they would do in the next eight hours aside from sleeping very uncomfortably and complaining about it.

“ I don’t care, if you don’t know a dog you never know how it can react, everybody knows that ! “

Jisung groaned. Why did things have to be this way ? He’d almost dropped the camera again, if this kept on going like this he’d definitely lose it.

“ … Besides, I sure hope you can’t find any… alive people’s ghosts, “ Minho continued. “ What’s a “dead man’s ghost” ? Redundant. That’s what it is. “

“ Oh, whatever - you got what I meant ! “

Silence should be the third main character given how often it appears but here it is, the silence. More looking around, and kind of… trying to walk around as well, though Jisung wasn’t very into it despite the brave act he’d put on just a few minutes ago.

“ So now that we’re here… Um, we’re supposed to sleep in the kids’ room, “ he explained, trying to figure out which one of these equally dull doors led to the room in question. “ The guy’s ghost never leaves his room but he makes stuff move, so… if you hear chairs moving in the middle of the night… “

“ Yeah, I get the gist of it. “ Pause. “ And I don’t like it one bit. “

“ Guess it’s good you’re with me then, “ a response which prompted a nervous snort. “ Hey, what does that mean ? “

“ Nothing. Let’s get going. “

The next minutes were spent visiting the rooms, trying not to touch things and remaining careful of any noises they might hear. Nothing just yet, aside from the footsteps from before, and even the man’s bedroom seemed pretty okay ! Well, aside from the smell, once again. The kids’ bedroom didn’t smell as bad from what Jisung could remember of the maybe two minutes they’d spent ‘visiting’ it.

“ Hey, look at this, “ Minho called out from the end of Jisung’s arm. “ There’s a journal on the desk. It was left open. “

“ Oh, sick, let’s read it. “

And with this, the two boys jumped onto the journal. Perhaps that wasn’t the best call though ; a few seconds into it and the chair was suddenly thrown into them, reminding them they were kind of invading the privacy of an actual ghost… and yes, they ran out of the room.

Next step was locking themselves up in the kids’ room, quickly setting up their sleeping bags all while remaining glued to each other, each whispering a different list of swears and prayers before Minho spoke up with a desperate “ Man, what the hell ! “, and Jisung responding as desperately with “ I don’t know, dude ! “.

They let themselves plop down on Minho’s sleeping bag. Panting, Jisung dropping the hand-held camera to hold the other just as tight as he was being held, overall looking very comfortable with the situation they were in.

“ It moved. Right. “ Minho asked, though it was more of a statement.

“ Rammed into my legs, yes. “

“ I should’ve been the one to take it, I pointed to the journal... Sorry about that. “

“ Nah... It’s good. I shouldn’t have tried to read it. I could’ve left it alone or something... Not your fault we’re both kinda stupid. “

Jisung trailed off again, slowly resting his head on the older boy’s shoulder and giving up. That was what it was, giving up that act he was putting on so Minho would relax more, now he just wanted to…

“ Didn’t you say something about going home ? “

“ I did… I mean it more now though. “

“ Thought so... Me too. “

[2:37 am]

“ Okay, so… the cameras are set up, with the audio recording. “

“ Correct. “

“ The door and window are closed even though there’s this uh, kind of inconvenient hole in the wall here. “

“ Uhuh. “

“ And you got snacks. “

“ I do. “

“ Then does that mean we get to sleep now ? Shouldn’t get much worse than that… “ Jisung’s sentenced ended with a yawn.

“ Guess you’re right. “ Minho’s voice was as disheartened as it could possibly get. It hadn’t been much but the both of them were drained.

Jisung sighed and took the frontal camera off along with the light, setting it next to the sleeping bag then looking back at his friend, waiting for him to do the same. And he didn’t.

“ … You won’t take it off ? “

“ You never know what can happen - and in case something does happen I need to be prepared. “ Minho turned the frontal light back on as to prove his point, blinding Jisung in the process. “ Dude, you didn’t have to. “

“ Did too ! I let you get hurt once, what am I gonna look like if you get hurt a second time and I do nothing about it ? I’d rather die. “

“ No, I meant... You didn’t have to flash it in my eyes like that. “

“ Oh. “

Silence is back.

“ Sorry. “

“ I’m not mad, don’t worry. “

Minho hummed softly, turning the light back off before slipping into his bag, and all Jisung could do was… watch. 

“ Thanks for what you said though. I’d rather you don’t die if possible, three ghosts is enough for one house... “

That earned Minho a small chuckle as he looked back at his friend. He had that sleepy smile on his face but, as comforting as that smile was, he didn’t find it in himself to smile back truthfully. Something about this place just made him sad, he didn’t really like it and the prospect of sleeping in a bag by himself wasn’t really something he fancied either.

The other boy just waited. They were staring at each other for a few minutes with very different thoughts crossing their minds. For Jisung, it was a weird form of separation anxiety despite them sleeping in the same room ; for Minho it was a 13 minute long cat compilation. No thoughts, head empty… only cat. Jisung didn’t move, neither did Minho, but Jisung seemed much more inconvenienced sitting next to the other boy who was arguably comfortably lying down ready to sleep.

More silence. Then Jisung slipping into Minho's sleeping bag as well, snuggling up to his friend - warmth was truly the best way to feel safer. Minho said nothing. Instead of words, he responded with an embrace. A lazy one. He wasn't holding tightly onto Jisung anymore, it was rather relaxed... For the first time of the evening, Minho had relaxed, which only comforted his friend more. 

 " Night. " 

 " Night. "

[3:54 am]

... " Minho. Minho ? Hey, dude-- please wake up. " 

 " Mh... What ? It's late, why won't you let me... " 

 " I'm feeling something on me. Something that I don't think is your leg. It... it vibrates a little. Oh god. It’s a demon. There’s my sleep paralysis demon sleeping on me. I’m going to die. I’m sorry, Minho, I’m gonna have to leave you- " 

Flash. A small noise came from the... mass that was lying on Jisung, then two tiny ears perked up, followed by a meow. Quite the terrifying demon.

“ ... It’s a cat, “ Jisung observed, slowly coming down from his panicked state, while Minho had already sat up to pet the small animal. 

“ If your sleep paralysis demon’s a cat, I’m willing to get sleep paralysis. “

“ No, no ! It’s... fine. I had no idea it was a cat... “

Great way to make a fool of himself but it wasn’t like it was the first time, nor did Minho really seem to mind now that he had something to hold onto to keep calm.

“ I wonder how it got in, we kept the door and window closed... “

 " Ah, uh. Maybe the small hole. " 

 " I guess that’d make sense. Well, now that’s settled... We should just go back to sleep, yeah ? “

 " Yeah... " Jisung muttered.

That wasn’t something he’d expected. A cat... Maybe that was just how Minho was ? Capable of attracting nearby cats ? He’d never thought that’d be something he’d one day be grateful for, and yet here they were. This cat would be the key to a good night’s sleep, guaranteed, with the purring soothing him and the warmth... Again, warmth helping him feel safe. Maybe it wasn’t so bad.

[5:26 pm]

“ You lost all the footage ? All of it ? “

The seven boys were glaring. Ouch, that kind of hurt, didn’t it ? While not all of them were as serious as Chan, it was kind of hard on Jisung... Lying to everyone like that, could they do it ? 

“ Oh, we sure did, “ he responded with that good ol’ fake confident smile, maintaining eye contact to the extreme, “ we’re all out of footage for the day ! “

“ Yeah, cameras said there was no space left before we were done filming and deleted everything stored in it. Sorry. “

Apparently, Minho could do it better than him without much trouble.

“ But instead, I’ve got something even better !”

Lo and behold, there’s a fucking cat in his coat ! Gasps coming from the younger boys and Changbin, Woojin aww-ing and Chan having to give it to him, getting a cat out of an investigation was pretty cool, the proud look on Minho’s face could not be more relieving to his more anxious friend.

“ I’m taking her home by the way, but I’ll let Jisung pick the name with me - don’t be too jealous, I’ll send you videos of her. “

They’d gotten one good thing out of this night. Jisung had gotten way with lying about the ghost of that cat. And... well, they’d gotten away with deleting the footage themselves, though they didn’t review it before doing so. How unfortunate that they didn’t see the man’s ghost petting the cat while they slept - that would’ve made their day !

[virmillion]

Ibytm - T minus 58 seconds

Masterpost - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - ao3

Words: 2,594

Aside from the one confrontation post-petticoat ukulele conspiracy, Logan still hasn’t talked with Cadmium. Really, truly talked to the guy. Tagging along on his tours doesn’t count. Granted, a fair amount of his Tuesdays and Thursdays are occupied with thoughts of Cadmium, but Logan does still have a life outside of him. It comes with no small amount of annoyance that this other life involves dealing with unsolvable problems at his internship.

“I heard there’s no real answer,” Cassidy says. She stabs her pen in the air, writing imaginary equations and scowling at the empty space.

“I heard they had this problem, like, years ago,” Joy says. Logan steeples his fingers under his chin with his elbows propped on his knees, watching Joy spin circles on her chair with her nose pointed at the ceiling. “I bet they already know the answer, and any intern that can’t crack it gets kicked to the curb.”

“Somehow, I feel like excessive alliteration isn’t the answer, Joy,” Micah calls from the water jug. His perspective might seem more valuable if his cheek weren’t flattened against the top of the machine in an utterly pitiful display of boredom.

“Oh, and I bet you already figured it out, huh, smart guy?” Joy’s retort also seems less valuable, as it comes at the same moment that she smacks her ankle into the leg of her desk, her spinning cut short. Logan is getting the sinking feeling that he chose the wrong scientific field.

“Maybe we’re looking at it from the wrong angle. Does someone want to read it again, and we all think of it with clean slates?” Logan glances around the room, hoping that his non-contribution will be sufficient. “Or, hey, Alex, have you got an idea? You haven’t said too much yet.”

Alex’s shock of dyed yellow hair jolts as they lift their eyes to peer over the top of the computer. “Can I get you a handkerchief, or did you dodge the splashback when you threw me under the bus just now?”

“ I’ll read it, you bunch of babies,” Cassidy sighs. “Okay. Riddle me this, folks. Thought experiments for the modern era.”

“Lay off the Mcelroy references and finish the question,” Micah grumbles.

Cassidy wrinkles her nose and sticks out her tongue before continuing. “The ship of Theseus proposes that a ship leaves a location and has every single part of itself periodically replaced before reaching a second location. The question is whether the ship to arrive is a different ship than the one to depart. Bear this in mind while assuming all cultural divides and disparities—cultural, political, scientific, or otherwise—are held in an impenetrable stasis that has no effect on the contents of the riddle, and conclusively solve the following. Jeez, talk about a run-on sentence.

“NASA launches a rocket to Neptune, and the only passenger is the child of a Russian and an American, where the parents were born on Earth and the child on Mars. The inhabited rocket was built half of parts from NASA and half of parts from Roscosmos. It contains enough parts to make an entirely new rocket, all of which were created on the moon. Allowing adequate suspensions of disbelief in favor of the passenger’s ability to build the new rocket and touch down on Neptune alive, which flag should be placed on Neptune as the first to arrive: That of Mars, the Moon, Earth, America, or Russia?”

“Does the moon even have its own flag?” Micah muses.

Joy slams the side of her fist on her desk hard enough to rattle the pens scattered across the floor. “This is such a stupid question. It barely even has anything to do with space!”

“It is about non-mathematical rocket science,” Alex points out.

“You could take the exact same problem and change a few key words to make it about a fish being flushed down a toilet,” Logan counters, “and nothing would change.”

“Is the fish dead?” Micah asks. “Because now you’re introducing aquatic zombies to the equation.”

“No aquatic zombies!” Joy and Alex shout in unison. Logan joins in the cry with a muttered mimic of his own, and even Cassidy looks quite done with Micah, who traces his finger along the side of the water tank before patting the top.

“Aquatic zombies,” he whispers forlornly. Logan isn’t entirely sure how Micah managed to weasel his way into an internship here, but he stopped questioning it a long time ago.

“It’s the moon, isn’t it?” Cassidy tries. This brings about a chaotic storm of argued disagreements through which Logan couldn’t possibly begin to sort.

“But the passenger was born on Mars, so it’s the Martian flag.”

“But their parents were of Earth, do we know where the passenger was conceived? Earthling parents mean it can’t be Mars’ flag.”

“Oh, like the Opportunity rover would plant a flag on Neptune.”

“Rip in pieces, Oppy.”

“Well, wouldn’t it be the country of origin of the mom, since she’s the one that had to carry the passenger to term?”

“That’s sexist, and we don’t know which parent is which.”

“It’s heretonormative, anyway.”

“You mean cisnormative.”

“I know what I meant to mean.”

“Unless you meant both. Trans father for the win.”

“Trans father, transformer, illuminati?”

“Does Earth even have a flag?”

“Where was the passenger raised? That might change the answer.”

The door opposite the stairs slams open as another intern with dirty blond hair and a beanie stumbles in looking particularly disheveled—well, more so than usual, at least.

“The passenger opened a wormhole immediately after being born, and raised themself on Neptune,” Logan deadpans. “Roman, if you haven’t got any good news, I swear to—”

“They cancelled the level eight project,” the man at the door says. Were it not for the bright gold name embroidered along the breast pocket of his shirt—Roman—Logan might believe him to be a random guy from off the street. “They figured out the missing sections—without our input, obviously—and decided the clearance rate was excessive. Basically, they said a toddler with a functioning search engine could crack it, so we should stop wasting our time.”

“Has the toddler ever been to Neptune?” Logan asks dryly. A hollow chorus of laughs ricochets around the room, quieted only by the click of the hour hand on the only analog clock hung on the wall. It must’ve been ages since Logan souped up the old thing to announce clockins, breaks, and clockouts.

“For the next hour,” Joy declares, “Neptune does not exist.”

“Seconded,” the other interns agree, putting their respective monitors to sleep and shuffling for the break room.

Roman lags behind to enter after Logan, prodding the small of his back and tilting his head toward the computers. He clears his throat meaningfully. Logan sighs, casting one last doleful look into the breakroom before joining Roman out on the floor again.

“They did want me to give you this,” Roman murmurs, “but keep it cazh.”

“Nothing is less ‘cazh’ than you shortening the word ‘casual’ like that,” Logan says, nonchalantly stretching an arm over his head. On the downswing, he takes the item from Roman’s hand and threads it between his fingers.

“I think I got the same deal, but don’t mention it, yeah?” Roman steps into the breakroom first, allowing Logan a moment to dawdle and inspect his acquisition. A flat disc, about the size of a well-used roll of scotch tape, with the NASA logo on both sides. Logan pinches the edges beside the first and last letter experimentally, and a USB plug pops out from the bottom of the logo. He pinches again, and it slides away. It looks for all the world like an overly expensive keychain one might find in a cheap museum. Logan shrugs, pockets it, and joins the others in the breakroom.

Only Roman appears to be in any semblance of a good mood—then again, he got clearance to visit the upper offices while everyone else pondered that stupid riddle. After teasing Roman about how he was probably about to get The Talk (the firing talk, that is) from the higher ups, it only took the rest of the floor about five minutes to give up on individual glory and try to solve the problem together. Obviously, it didn’t help.

“We could send someone for coffee,” Cassidy says. At least, Logan thinks that’s what she said. Her voice is a little muffled, what with how her face is pressed against the table.

“And get yelled at for prioritizing caffeine over the crappy cloud juice we’ve already got here?” Alex replies, tracing their finger over the glass front of the vending machine. Its only products are bottled water and expired heath candy bars. Four bucks a pop. “I’d rather dehydrate than take that kind of reprimanding.”

“I am literally going to commit multiple federal and moral crimes if I don’t get some real bean juice in my system in the next hour,” Joy grumbles. A true testament to her name.

Micah, apparently having moved on from the destruction of his aquatic zombie idea, springs to his feet from where he was sprawled across the floor. “We could use Logan’s app!”

This might be a good time to mention that, in padding his resume to apply for this extended internship, Logan made a brief foray into coding, which resulted in an app he dubbed ‘fetch quest.’ Basically a personalized coffee order service, more specialized than door dash, where instead of ordering food straight to your location, you put out a request for coffees—usually from Starbucks, Tim Hortons, Biggby, the like—to be delivered by the colloquially nicknamed fetch kids. Upon getting their coffee, the buyer reimburses the fetch kid for the coffee, as well as an obligatory tip so the fetch kid can turn a quick buck.

To tell the truth, Logan was genuinely too lazy to walk to the campus cafeteria for a coffee while working on homework, and paid his roommate five dollars to do it for him. (He paid in nickels, by the way.) So lazy was Logan, in fact, that he made an app to avoid ever dealing with the inconvenience again.

“I’m down for that,” Cassidy mumbles. “Who’s got the app? Seems kinda rude to do six separate orders, y’know, like ordering a different personal pizza from different locations and having them arrive at the same time, then fight to the death for the right to deliver their pizza first, so they miss the thirty minute limit and no one gets paid.”

“Okay, so Cassidy gets a decaf,” Alex says, swiping around on their phone. “Everyone just getting their usuals? Same as the last fetch quest?” Grunts of agreement are their only answer—aside from Roman, who peers over Alex’s shoulder to design an obscenely personalized drink.

“Pitch in a five dollar tip for the barista,” Logan calls. “I’ll cover it.” Roman perks up at that as Alex taps the appropriate button on their phone. Before he can ask, Logan nods, saying, “I’ll spot you the six dollars.”

“It’s actually closer to seven,” Roman admits, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. “I got a dairy substitute, don’t sue me. I’m broke, anyway, so it wouldn’t help if you won the suit.”

“This is a paid internship,” Joy points out.

Roman looks aghast. “You guys are getting paid?” It’s unclear whether he’s kidding.

“Order placed and transaction pending,” Alex announces, “so start up the charitable donation pool to my wallet.” Roman initiates the process, pulling the beanie off his head and carrying it around the room for everyone to toss their bills in. He can only manage a weak smile when Logan tosses in double what he ought to.

“Wait, Logan,” Micah says, “you didn’t get anything last time.”

“Shoot, yeah, what can I get you? No one’s picked it up yet,” Alex says, pulling the wads of bills from Roman’s hat.

“Just do a fetch kid’s delight, I guess. Price limit five.” Roman darts across the room to grab the proffered bill from Logan, attempting (and spectacularly failing) to parkour over the chair on his way back. The rickety plastic flies out from underneath him and his chin smacks the carpet as he goes down. Before anyone thinks about moving to help, he jumps to his feet and dusts off his knees, pretending as if nothing happened.

“It’s been accepted,” Alex announces.

“Maybe the trick is to work out whether the rocket, being from the moon, is the first to land, or if it has to be a life form in order to count for reaching Neptune first,” Joy suggests. Cassidy lifts her head to respond, thinks better of it, and drops her face back onto the table.

“That’s only assuming you give the rocket living rights to plant the flag,” Micah says.

“Did you guys consider the ramifications of the nationalities of each parent?” Roman asks.

“Yes,” everyone else groans in unison. Even Logan says it, now thoroughly annoyed by how much inconvenience Roman was able to skip in favor of retrieving a little flashdrive.

“Do we need to take into account the heritage of the parents?” Cassidy tries.

“It wasn’t included in the information backing up the question, and we’re only supposed to get an answer based on what we concretely know already,” Alex replies.

“We don’t concretely know already which flag they plant,” Logan offers, “so maybe the answer is that we aren’t supposed to have one.”

“That’s exactly what someone who knows the answer would say,” Joy mutters. This manner of conversation continues for another fifteen minutes or so, until someone knocks on the door at the top of the stairs.

“Liquid inspiration!” Roman shouts, vaulting over the empty chairs on his sprint for the door. As he swings it open to reveal a very familiar silhouette, Alex clicks a few times on their phone, finalizing the transaction upon receival.

Apart from the grey and red plaid scarf wrapped around his neck, Cadmium looks like he walked straight out of one of his own tours, down to the maroon cardigan and black skinny jeans. “Fetch quest fulfillment for Ally-oopsy-olly—”

“Yep, yes, that’s me,” Alex interrupts quickly, not letting him finish saying the username. They take a couple of the cups from Cadmium, stepping aside to let Joy and Micah help with the rest. Cadmium makes eye contact with Logan for a split second, inclines his chin, and turns to leave. He pulls out his phone, the screen angled enough for Logan to see the fetch quest home screen loading in more requests.

“Wait, we didn’t tip you,” Logan calls, surging past the other interns to catch up.

“Yeah, we did,” Alex says, “I put in your five, and I have my account set for an auto-gratuity of twenty—”

“Shut up , Alex,” Logan hisses over his shoulder. He turns to Cadmium, who looks somewhere between amused and bewildered. If he landed on Neptune, which emotion would touch down first? “Here y’are. Thanks.” Logan allows the last word to linger in the air, implying an unvoiced request for a name as he passes Cadmium a ten.

Cadmium glances from his phone—now proudly displaying a cheerful reimbursement and tip breakdown message—to the bill and back to his phone. He nods slowly, taking the ten and heading down the stairs. Logan blinks, watching him go.

“Wow,” Roman says, coming closer to rest his elbow on Logan’s shoulder. “You’ve got it bad, my guy.”

“Oh, shove off.”

[brenli]

[28]

Tagged by: @goddamnitkastle​ (YAYAYAY ANOTHER ONE!)

1. how tall are you? 5′3″

2. what color and style is your hair? Dark brown. A couple of stray silver strands. When the light hits it right you can see natural auburn-y red highlights/tones in it, especially near the ends. I wear it long, down to my lower back, usually parted in the middle (sometimes on the left) and with bangs. Usually blunt-cut across my brows, but I'm not as good about trimming them as I ought to be so they usually end up growing out long enough that I need to brush them off to the right.

3. what color are your eyes? Brown

4. do you wear glasses? My cat-eye specs are basically part of my identity at this point.

5. do you wear braces? Nope

6. what is your fashion style? I have contempt for this question that likes of which you cannot believe. XD I guess in the most general sense it's rock-chic. Rock/metal girl elements mixed with glamorous or feminine elements/silhouettes. But this is MASSIVELY boiling down my massive wardrobe and I've certainly had moments of departure from the rock-chic umbrella depending on how I'm feeling. I dislike strictly adhering to specific style labels; I find it stifling.

7. full name? Brenda Lee Larson. My maiden name is cooler to be honest; I only changed it because I was more interested in sharing a surname with the Honey and I know I can still use my maiden name for other things.

8. when were you born? July 24, 1987

9. where are you from and where do you live now? Technically born in Coupeville on Whidbey Island, WA, USA and spent the first 4 years of my life bouncing around different naval stations because my family was about that Navy Life, but the majority of my formative years Spokane, WA, USA so my assumption is that would be more accurately where I'm "from." (Hawaii is where my heart wants to say I'm from though as that's where my earliest memories take place~) After some years spent CA (first in the Bay and then in LA), I'm currently living just south of Seattle, WA. So. Basically I've been wiggling around the West Coast my whole life, including going so far west I ditched the mainland for a spell.

10. what school do you go to? I WORK at a school currently, Cornish. Freelancing as a house manager for 3 of their 4 venues. The 4th one never seems to put on any events that require one of us from the house management roster, otherwise I'd work gigs at that one, too. XD

11. what kind of student are you? Some of you who make these questionnaires clearly cannot think beyond life-after-schooling and it shows. XD I was an above-average student for the vast majority of my years in schooling but I started falling off a little toward the end, largely because I was very keenly aware of what areas of study pertained to me and my interests/goals, and I had no patience for areas of study that did not. I left before it got too bad.

12. do you like school? I liked the parts of school that spoke to me~

13. what are your favorite school subjects? Literature/English was always the major go-to throughout all of my years of schooling. I was in Choir up until highschool; this was when Theatre became available to me and I wasn't able to participate in both, so I parted ways with Choir and focused on Theatre all the way up through my last years of schooling. Other subjects of interest, in highschool: Photography, Psychology, Forensic Science, World History. In college: Creative Writing, Journalism, Japanese.

14. favorite TV shows? The major ones have been racy period dramas The Tudors and The Borgias. I grew up on Star Trek TOS and as such it has a very dear place in my heart despite it not being a racy period drama. XD I also am quite invested in the Netflix MCU with Daredevil and The Punisher being my two favorite shows (Frank is my everything!). More currently I've been expanding my Sanada-san filmography-binge thanks in large part to @anagraves​; I recently finished the 1993 Koukou Kyoushi and am through episode 10 of Konna Koi no Hanashi. What I've been learning from this - Hiroyuki Sanada knows how to break hearts whether he's being soft and vulnerable to cold and cruel and anything in between, but that's exactly why I love him.

INB4 "you post Snow White everything so why isn't OUAT on here" I do enjoy OUAT a lot, but I don't know if I would consider it a favorite show overall. I'm more fond of the earlier seasons than the later seasons and it's that ambivalent feeling I have for the later seasons that make the show not a favorite - but still very good overall.

It's also at this point that I should probably explain what my blog description does not - my blog started running a Snow White-themed queue LARGELY as part of an inspiration-drive for a Snow White AU project that I haven't actually touched in a long time. I REALLY should do something about that; I just keep getting pulled in other directions and now it's years on and here I am with what's basically a Snow White queueblog. XD If I can ever get my dumb head in gear and FINISH what I've started, that would honestly result in the queue being mass-posted and then probably altered to suit whatever the next project would be. That's always been the intention, anyway.

15. favorite movies? While I'm still feeling the chilly gaze of my Snow White queue, my favorite Snow White movie thus far is Mirror Mirror. I think it's massively underrated and that makes me sad.

As far as Disney is concerned, while I have a HUGE amount of respect for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, my favorite film growing up was Beauty and the Beast (and my Rococo-loving ass does adore the live action remake). Surprise??? XD More recently, Moana is the film of my heart; it's the closest Disney has gotten to making a Princess culturally-relevant to me as a half-Filipina so my tropical islander ass is just utterly enamoured with Moana. ((Listen Disney if you ever decide to make a super fun colorful precolonial Philippine film THE PERFECT PRINCESS EXISTS FOR THAT, I submit for your consideration - Urduja!)

Because of my rather open-door childhood with regard to media, my earliest favorite movies are actually Nightmare on Elm Street and Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warriors. Freddy is my Nightmare King Murder Boyfriend and I'm prepared to face judgement for that. XD

Fondness for Star Trek TOS has resulted in an affection for the AOS movies~

But a movie that speaks to me very much is What Dreams May Come.

Currently I've gotten re-ensnared into The Last Samurai, in correlation with the most recent AU project. Because I am hopeless, Grumpy Samurai is Best Samurai, and I've been spending time manically fretting and pretending that because Ujio drops before the gatling guns are brought out, maybe he SOMEHOW managed to survive in SOME way and he can have tons of cool battle scars. Right? ... RIGHT???

16. favorite books? If manga counts then it's Angel Sanctuary. Hands down. No contest. It's easily woven itself into my life in the form of fanfic that is/was well-received within the fandom, and a weirdly HUGE list of AUs that somehow burst out of nowhere. (Currently all of it, AU work included, can be read via my FF.Net account under brenli. I have a placeholder page on AO3 that's currently empty but may end up holding all my content there as well, in time. If I can ever make the time.)

I was and am really into Sue Harrison's Ivory Carver series, particularly My Sister the Moon.

It was part of my middle school/junior high reading curriculum but I honestly DID really like The Diving Bell by Todd Strasser. Even if the cover art of Culca coming up out of the ocean looked A LOT like me and resulted in my class calling me Culca for the entirety of our unit on that book. It's fine. Culca is a badass queen of pearls and seawater so I'm happy to be associated with her~!

Every now and then I remember a book that clearly really resonated with my as a child if I still remember it, but the problem is that I don't remember the title or the author, or even any of the characters' names. It was about a Roma girl who lived in the American south - I wanna say Tennesee? - who was discovered for her talent playing guitar and singing country music. The book essentially details her struggle between her traditional roots as a Roma person, including the arrangement for her to be married young, and her interest in pursuing music as a career but feeling alienated by an industry and a society at large that is wealthier than her and has a different culture from her own. The book ends with her running away but it isn't made clear what her ultimate fate is. To this DAY it bothers me that I don't remember the title or the author because I honestly go through periods where I want to reread it. And yes, this was the kind of stuff I was reading as a child. XD I also read My Sister the Moon for the first time when I was like. 11 years old. If you're familiar with the content of that book then you're aware that certain scenes are really not 11-year-old friendly, but. If I can watch gratuitous 80's slasher horror at age 4 then I can read about a young woman surviving sexual abuse at age 11.

17. favorite pastime? Writing at this rate, honestly. Which probably speaks more to my inner tortured artist than anything else. XD

18. do you have any regrets? I feel like everybody has at least one regret and anyone who says otherwise is either very very young, or lying. XD It's not about whether you have regrets, it's about not letting them hold you in the past.

19. dream job? Telling stories, in any and every way attainable to me.

20. would you like to get married someday? I already am~

21. would you like to have kids someday? Absolutely not. I don't feel like my life is conducive to childrearing, and INB4 "you're never truly ready" and "you make it work" the key factor here is I'm not WILLING to become ready and I'm not WILLING to make it work. That's how I know my life is not conducive to childrearing. XD (I'm at that age where tons of people are asking me this and feeding me words meant to encourage me to consider and it's honestly EXHAUSTING by this point. I can't wait for when I'm menopausal maybe people will finally shut up about it because I'll be past my prime~)

23. do you like shopping? I mean, yes, but I usually avoid it because I'm aware of how impulsive I am.

24. what countries have you visited? I'm tempted to say that Hawaii should count because it's so far away from the mainland. XD But honestly I've never been outside of US territory. It's in the plans to try for Japan during the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. I'm not sure if we'll make that goal but if not, I figure it won't hurt to continue saving up anyway and making a Tokyo trip post-Olympics. Prices will be cheaper post-Olympics, anyway, so~

25. what’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? At the risk of raising weird red flags I've gone through periods where I'll have reoccurring nightmares about being actively pursued by someone who very obviously intends to do harm. It happens often enough that the Honey wonders if I'm mentally suppressing something. XD I did have a standalone dream though, where me and the Honey were asleep in bed and then I become aware that someone's broken into the house and is approaching our bed. I'm walking through every possible option in my head with my eyes shut; if the Honey and I both lunged at the attacker we could possibly overpower them just because it would be two against one. But I know that I can't possibly wake up the Honey and make him aware of the situation without the attacker immediately acting and resulting in at least one of us being injured or killed. I realize that I have no choice but to try and take the attacker by surprise by myself and hope that is enough. I make peace with that. I can feel the attacker leaning over me. I suddenly lunge at them in full primal adrenaline-filled rage.

I wake up.

26. do you have any enemies? I guess that I have a few, yes, but honestly at this point I've gotten probably a little too used to being vilified. Barring physical assault or turning the animosity on innocent third parties in my life, I am prepared to weather the metaphorical lashes.

27. do you have an s/o? I have my Honey~

28. do you believe in miracles? I believe in miracles that aren't the overt surface-level wish-fulfillment-from-above which I think most people expect a miracle to be. I think that sometimes luck plays out via a slim-to-none chance and that can be a miracle. I think that sometimes a person works very hard at something or for something and when they achieve it, that can be a miracle. I think that the butterfly effect is a double-edged sword, but sometimes that little flutter of a butterfly's wings is a miracle.

Tagging: @yacky-jackie​ @halorecoil​ @anagraves​ @benevolentqueenofstars​ @lesbomancy​ @candybunnieholic​ @lemonedscream​ @tinathefish​

[burnouts3s3]

Sweet Blue Flowers, an anime review

(Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit unprofessional blog post written by an unprofessional blog poster. All purported facts and statement are little more than the subjective, biased opinion of said blog poster. In other words, don’t take anything I say too seriously.) Just the facts 'Cause you're in a Hurry! Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price for Season (MSRP): 38.12 USD Animation Studio: J.C. Staff Licensed and Localized by: Nozomi Entertainment, a studio of Right Stuf Inc. Audio: Japanese Audio with Subtitles available Length per Episode: 25 Minutes on average. 21 Without Intro and Ending song. Number of Discs: 3 DVD Discs in total.   Episodes per Disc: 3 or 4. Also on: Amazon Video and Crunchyroll, a subscription based service that allows streaming for shows. Free streaming is available with ads. Bonus Features: Clean opening, TV spots, character art gallery, and original U.S. trailer. How much I paid: Nothing. I viewed it on Crunchyroll. Number of Episodes: 11 Episodes Price per Episode: 3.50 USD on physical. 1.99 if bought digitally. My Personal Biases: I actually saw Sweet Blue Flowers a while back but never reviewed it. I like other shows in the Shoujo Ai genre such as Mai Hime, Mai Otome, Maria Watches over Us, Strawberry Panic and yes, even Kannazuki no Miko/Destiny of the Shrine Maiden.   My Verdict: Beautiful. Heartwarming. Cute. Incomplete. Like most anime adaptations based off a manga, Sweet Blue Flowers makes the mistake of trying to adapt directly from the source material. Unfortunately, with already slow pacing halting to a standstill, most viewers may not have the patience to sit through Sweet Blue Flowers. Add to that Akira’s development happening later in the series, and you have a beautiful but unfinished story that’s told. Give this one a shot and read the rest in the manga.   Warning: SPOILERS Sweet Blue Flowers, an anime review

When the term adaptation comes to mind, the team working behind the project has to make a decision on how closely to adapt from the source material. Too often, many creative teams take the source material as a bible and shoot from there, not realizing the act of translating from one medium to another means certain elements get lost in the shuffle and things that worked in the manga do not work on the screen. While long running Shounen titles such as Naruto, Bleach, Dragonball Z, One Piece, Fairy Tail, Black Clover, My Hero Academia, Yu Yu Hakusho, Hunter x Hunter, and others benefit from direct page to screen adaptation, Shoujo Ai or Yuri series usually have to operate on not only a limited budget but a limited run time as well. And doing a direct adaptation of a long running manga for 12 episodes can usually result in disaster. Someone once said “You can make a good adaptation out of anything, but sometimes you have to rip its guts out.” This is why series like Kannazuki no Miko/Destiny of the Shrine Maiden worked (in spite of itself, I’ll remind readers and fans of the show) since it added characterization and plot elements that wasn’t in the original source material and wasn’t directly adapting it (Thank God!). Meanwhile, a show like Sasameki Koto/Whispered Words stumbles because it’s trying so hard to do a direction 1 for 1 adaptation from manga to screen that newcomers who weren’t familiar with the manga got bored. (You want to know how badly Sasameki Koto did as an anime in terms of sales and viewership? The anime series bombed so badly, it isn’t even localized in the States and was rumored to kill the Yuri genre for the next few years.)   And unfortunately, trying too hard to adapt directly from the source material is the main thing that kills Sweet Blue Flowers. Akira Okudaira, who is an entering high school student into Fujigaya Girls Academy, becomes reacquainted with her childhood friend Fumi Manjōme whom she has not seen for ten years. Fumi is attending Matsuoka Girl's High School where she quickly becomes friends with a handsome third-year student named Yasuko Sugimoto. Akira joins her school's drama club with her friend and classmate Kyōko Ikumi, who is in love with Yasuko, though Yasuko turns her down. Yasuko and Fumi become a couple, and Fumi comes out to Akira who is at first unsure on how to act, but still tries to support Fumi's new relationship. The main focus centers on Fumi. Fumi, despite being the taller of the two girls, is a shy unsure introvert unsure of her own sexuality and sexual orientation. She deals with heartbreak after heartbreak, seeing girls she has crushes on, such as her biological cousin which she had a fling with to Yasuko, an older girl who might or might not have sexual feelings with her. Fumi’s day to day strife and her coming to terms with her sexuality is one of the more interesting struggles of a lesbian character having to see play on screen. It’s subtle but tangible. Every so often, you see the shifts in movements and physical ticks that show off how uncomfortable Fumi is and certain scenes where characters are simply talking idly hit like a truck. As I go back and re-watch the series, I lot of things that flew over my head the first time started making sense. For example, I actually related to the character of Yasuko Sugimoto, thinking she made a good pair with Fumi, only to realize on subsequent viewings that Sugimoto was actually using Fumi for her own emotional growth. It’s an interesting take on abusive/toxic relationships; Sugimoto doesn’t intend to cause harm but her own immaturity and impulsiveness end up causing harm anyway.   So when Sugimoto asks to come back to Fumi after Sugimoto hastily broke up with her and Fumi flat out rejects her, it’s just the best feeling in the world. Fumi has actually grown in her own way and found confidence in herself without needing to be in a relationship. The biggest casualty of the show is Akira. While she’s present and does have character, her development is sidelined since it comes much later in the series. As such, it’s weird how the show keeps coming back to her as though she were an important figure when the show itself covers more about the relationship between Fumi and Sugimoto. Based on the show’s advertisement and introduction, you’d expect Akira to be a bigger part of the show. So it’s unfortunate she’s pushed to the background for the Sugimoto and Fumi relationship. Worst yet, since the chapters in question were rather short and minimalist, the anime had to pad out certain scenes to stretch them out. For example, Fumi has a conversation about how to use her phone. This plays no major role whatsoever in the plot of the episode. The final episode ends on Christmas Eve as Akira and Fumi spend time looking at their old elementary school. It is at that point Fumi realizes she’s been in love with Akira this whole time. But before the two can pursue their eventual relationship, the anime series ended. Yuri adaptations do not tend to sell well and with the lackluster sales and ratings, Sweet Blue Flowers, the anime, was cancelled while the rest of the story continues on in the manga. Ken’ichi Kasai’s direction is subtle but powerful. Fumihiko Takayama’s writing takes the best of the manga and explodes it onto the screen. Takefumi’s Haketa’s music will move your heartstrings. But, the story is sadly incomplete. Unfortunately, there a little to no extras in the DVD/Blu-ray Release. Just the Opening and Ending song with no text. CAVEAT: I don’t hate Sweet Blue Flowers; it’s just that adapting a manga this slow and this subtle was always going to be an uphill battle. Add to that the short amount of content (11 episodes, not even 12!) and the high price tag, as well as Akira not getting the screentime she does in the manga, I’m going to definitely have to say wait for a drop in price point. (Again, Yu Yu Hakusho 20 bucks for 28 episodes. I can get 39 episodes of DBZ for 20 bucks. Sweet Blue Flowers is 38 dollars for 11 episodes.) As an adaptation, Sweet Blue Flowers not only does justice to its source material but at times transcends it to give the fans what they want. But, taken as its own work, taken as a simple 11 episode series, taken as meant for people who are ‘not’ fans or familiar with the source material, I can only assume they would be left with a feeling of “that’s it”? Verdict: Wait for a sale or watch it on Crunchyroll. If you’re truly interested in the story, try the manga instead.

[milesgonzalomorales]

1-50 for studyblr (all or nothing motherfucker ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

I owe you my life anon I wanted to answer these 

What year are you?Third-year as of summer 2018

What’s your major/what do you think you want to major in?Double major in Political Science and History

If applicable, what is your thesis about?                                                        n/a

Do you think you picked the right major?                                                      For sure. At first I was uncertain in my choice bc I switched quite a bit in my first/second year bw English and History, but then I realized that English classes were making me dislike my relationship w/ literature. I love my poli sci and history classes 

Ultimate educational goals?                                                                                 Getting my PhD in International Relations but i have no job to pay for it 

Career goals?                                                                                                         Working with an international organization like the UN or the IMF

Do you think your goals are realistic?                                                                 Certainly. They may be difficult to reach, but they are within my grasp so long as I keep working towards them. 

What classes are you taking right now?                                                             Canadian government/politics, introductory political theory and a comparative history class on race relations in the US and SA                                      

Favorite class out of everything you’ve ever taken and why?                          Introduction to international relations parts 1 and 2, I took them both in my second year back to back (one in the fall, the other in the winter) while I was still in the political science minor. I loved this class for several reasons. First, the content was so interesting that reading the textbook was never a chore and I was always in the first row of the lecture hall ready 15 minutes before classes even started. Another reason I liked this class was bc I had a really good experience with the ta who was my tut. leader in both semesters - there is only one other ta that I’ve had who has been that phenomenal in their teaching. This ta along with another prof have been really influential in my learning and I don’t think thank you will ever be enough for what they both did.  It was actually through these classes that I decided to major in poli sci bc I loved it so much. 

Least favorite class ever and why?                                                                       An Ancient Greek history class bc it was at night and the prof had us read exclusively from a sourebook and his slides sucked.                                

Current favorite class and why?                                                                          Canadian government, I’m learning a lot of cool stuff about my country that high-school teachers never did justice to. Also the prof is really enthusiastic and it’s contagious. 

Current least favorite class and why?                                                                 Political theory… it’s not that I hate it, but some of the texts are really difficult to read at times. Lectures are fun though, the prof really knows how to keep an audience engaged.                                                                                   

Favorite STEM field?                                                                                            I took an anthropology class in first year and loved it, the tutorials were really interesting bc we actually got to handle bone material!! It was nothing like humanities tutorials where you discuss and debate. A fun experience overall and I loved learning about the science parts too even if it was a little complicated sometimes…                      

Favorite humanities subject?                                                                               Political science, hands down. 

Class that you’ve always wanted to take but never had the chance?              I want to take a class on ethnic conflict and security, but it’s a 4th year class and i don’t have the prereqs (yet!) 

Do you use caffeine and if so how much daily?                                                 Never, unless Coffee Crisp counts 

What’s your preferred method of taking in caffeine?                                         ^ see above answer                                                                          

Have you ever tried study drugs?                                                                        Nope, not a huge fan of supplements like that.  

Are you a homework-in-the-morning kind of person?                                       Homework whenever I can type of person                         

Do you listen to music while you study?                                                            Used to, but now it distracts more than anything so I’ll put on some ambient noises or just work silently. 

Crowded area or quiet place?                                                                               Quiet place, but one that has people in it so I feel obligated to work 

What’s your preferred writing implement?                                                          bic gelocity 0.7 black and blue pens. i cannot write w/o them but they run out so fast.                         

Do you need to work out before you can study well?                                        work out??? haven’t heard that term in years 

Describe your perfect study environment.                                                          Idk the specifics, but good lighting, nice temperature, a rolling chair and a high desk i guess? 

Are you procrastinating right now?                                                                     Not really, I have time before assignment deadlines roll in. 

What was the last thing you procrastinated?                                                     Reading Thomas Hobbes Leviathan, the language was too complex and I shied away from it 

Are you a perfectionist?                                                                                        Not really, you make a mistake and you move on, I find that studyblr aesthetic notes are counterproductive 

Do you like easy classes or do you feel bad if you’re not working hard?       I don’t think there is such thing as ‘easy’ classes, it depends on what an individual’s strengths and weaknesses are. That being said, I had a light course load for a first year class where the prof felt bad for assigning us 10 pages of reading a week when another prof was assigning 80-100.    

Are you a good test taker?                                                                                    Most of the time, but with essays, I need to write outlines or I lose my train of thought and get frustrated and anxious about the time and my argument. 

What are you the proudest of out of all the assignments you’ve ever had?   A paper I did for my critical writing for history class 2 semesters ago, I contacted that professor regularly and was in her office all the time working with her to keep making it better and when I saw my final grade of 38/40, I cried with happiness. 

Do you talk to your teachers/professors a lot?                                                  Oh yeah, I’m that student who stays after class, spends half the time at office hours, asks questions during class, you name it. Professors are people too, just really accomplished people. Also they’re pretty cool and they want to see you succeed. 

Describe your favorite teacher/professor and why you like them.                   Okay again not a prof, but this person is training to become a prof and i truly hope he’s successful for several reasons. He has a lot of cool book recs both academic/non-academic, calls out the bullcrap that is academic writing, genuinely goes above the paygrade to make sure that students succeed and most importantly, is enthusiastic about the content himself. (press f to pay respects) 

Describe your least favorite teacher/professor and why you dislike them.     Hnghhhh there was these 2 profs who taught intro ir part 1 and one of those guys was an absolute loser, he constantly made holocaust jokes and other tasteless comments and when i went to talk to him about my final paper, he told me that i’d look like someone who might like to write mine about is/s like ://. never told that prof anything about my academic interests so shut your mouth 

Have you ever thought about becoming a teacher/professor?                         A few times, but I don’t think I could do it. I’d be one of those rambling profs who never end up finishing their scheduled content. 

Most profound thing ever said to you by a teacher/professor?                         Not a prof, but a ta once said that my ideas were worthy of respect and that i shouldn’t feel the need to apologize for contributions (ta: you are valid me: holy fuck i’d die for you) 

Best feedback you’ve ever gotten on something academic?                            Best feedback I’ve ever gotten was on a paper I wrote for my ir class in the first semester where i had a lot of pitfalls in my argumentation style so when i wrote one the next semester w/ the same ta marking it, i got a better mark bc i incorporated that feedback. 

Worst study habit and how are you working on it?                                            My worst habit is lacking discipline and I’m working on it by trying to stick to schedules so I can fall back into routine and ultimately be on top of things 

Are you an in-class fidgeter?                                                                                moment of silence for all the pens i’ve dropped while twirling them/taking them apart. 

How’s your handwriting?                                                                                      pretty neat, not to brag. but apparently my f’s are jumping off the lines practically. 

Write “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” and post a photo.         sorry, too late for that I’m headed to sleep soon. 

Neat or messy notes?                                                                                            A weird combo?? Like messy enough that you have arrows sticking out from all corners and sometimes things are disorganized, but the writing itself is usually very neat unless i’m tired. 

A lot of notes or the bare minimum?                                                                   A lot, for me, the slides are the skeleton and the meat comes from the prof’s mouth. 

Post a photo/scan of your notes from your favorite class.                               I think I uploaded them to my side blog?? anyway it’s late now so can’t do that 

Are you a doodler?                                                                                                I used to be, but I cut the habit bc sometimes I miss key info if I’m not paying attention. 

Post a photo of your doodles if you have any.                                                    lol i used to post a lot under the tag naailah draws 

Do you have pre-test rituals and what are they?                                                Making sure I have more pens than I’ll ever need and checking the ink refills to ensure there’s enough. 

Are you a tangent-question asker?                                                                      Yup, there’s no such thing as a dumb question. Unless it’s answered on the syllabus. That’s a dumb q. 

Do you make jokes in class?                                                                                Sometimes. I’ve cracked some awful puns in my comparative poli class once and the prof’s mic picked up on it bc i sit at the front so you have a room of 200 or so students hearing me laugh about poverty and i swear it sounds bad but it was not as bad w/ context. 

How many hours do you spend on academics per day?                                   A lot… most of my time is spent on studying/procrastinating on it 

What’s something more important to you than school?                                    Life after school and making a real impact in the world, whether it’s small-scale or large. 

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen’s Seinen Adventure

Well... it’s finally happening, I’m finally talking about Seinen manga like I said I would last month. This is my first time talking about manga specifically and tagging it, so... hello manga readers and fandom people reading this, as well as my usual followers that like these sorts of essay-type posts I do when I’m not shitposting about Blazblue. For those that don’t know, I’m Allen X, I post little essays about niche fandom stuff I’m into on tumblr called Ramblings, and every so often try to write stories and fanfics when the mood hits me. A month back I made a post saying I was going to talk about Seinen manga since I’ve reached that lovely age of 23 where theses types of manga would interest me given my age group. I’ve been buying more and more manga in this genre as of late and I wanted to give my thoughts on the ones that have grabbed my interest and why I like them.

In my last Rambling on this topic I said I was going to try and make separate essays for each Seinen manga I wanted to talk about, but... I can’t. I just can’t. I realized it when I talked about Symphogear, I really don’t feel comfortable breaking down manga and anime the way I do with video games. I don’t know, video games are more inclusive and universal than anime and manga. When I talk about video games, gameplay, enjoyment factor, and so on, I feel like I’m talking on a level that everyone would get, at least every gamer. With manga and anime... it’s kind of niche genre, especially the stuff I’m into, so to try and talk about them in the same manner of general appeal and interest just doesn’t feel right to me. Plus, God forbid I miss something super vital about an anime or manga from my western perspective and get roasted for not understanding something in context and harping on it... God, that’s a fear I have every time I tag a Rambling. 

In any case, I figured I’d do this in the style I do my Anime Updates. I’ll give a brief summary of each manga, say what I like about them, what I don’t, and if I think others should into it. So, let’s get started.

Oh actually, before I get started, just gonna’ warn everyone now that since I’m talking about Seinen manga, sexual content is bound for all that I talk about. I won’t be showing pics or anything, but just know these are +18 rated manga. Anyway, back on topic... 

So, first up is Murcielago. If I had to give this show a western comparison I’d say the show Archer would be a good one. Now, I’ve only seen bits of season 1 of Archer, but I think the idea is the same. Murcielago is about a State Appointed Executioner named Kuroko Koumori, a former serial killer turned government agent, and the adventures she goes on with her loli sidekick and driver Hinako as she kills, slaughters, and executes criminals just as, if not more, dangerous than she is, as well as attempt to bang every female without a two-mile radius. Actually, now that I think about I think Killer is Dead is better comparison for this manga. Now if only Kuroko gets voiced by Patrick Seitz if an anime comes out... 

I don’t know, there’s just something engaging about watching this sex-addicted, murderous lesbian go about her day. This is sort of a popcorn read, something wacky and ridiculous that just makes you laugh. The gore is over the top, the situations Kuroko gets into are just so nonsensical that you can’t help but laugh at them, and the way she gets out of jams and gives out cheesy one-liners just makes me think this manga is just a hyper-violent, hyper-sexual action movie with an sociopath protagonist. And I'm always cracking up a little when I see Hinako react to all the hyper-violence going on around her. The fact that Hinako is so innocent and carefree despite who she works with is actually pretty endearing. I like how she’s, for the most part, an innocent little loli just having to put up with all of Kuroko’s shit. I hope it remains a running gag that Hinako is at most just inconvenienced by all the violent, sexual nonsense around her and is never truly effected by it.

Like I said, this manga’s a popcorn read, and if you need some crazy, B-tier action movie nonsense in your manga collection, I recommend buying this when you can. The second volume is out and it concludes the Murder House arc. I’m looking forward to volume 3 and seeing where it goes from there.

And since I’m sticking this in the Murcielago tag, yes Murcielago Lamborghini fans, Kuroko does, in fact, drive Murcielago Lamborghini. Well, Hinako drives it specifically, crashes it every other chapter, and Kuroko buys her a new one in the following chapter... I hope that remains a running gag too.

Next up is Ubel Blatt, AKA, Not-Berserk. 

Now, before everyone tells me to stop reading this and start reading Berserk just hear me out. The main thing keeping me from reading Berserk is the fact that it’s currently on volume 38 here in the West, and I’m not sinking money into an on-going manga that’s ran that long. My personal rule for long-running manga is that if it exceeds past 18 volumes I either stop at 18 or whatever arc I feel is a good stopping point and wait until that manga finishes, or I have a damn good reason to pick it up again and sink all that money back into something that could get put on hiatus at a moment’s notice depending on that artist’s health and condition. Berserk... is just too risky an investment for me to get into, and Ubel Blatt’s plot is telling me that this manga’s gonna have a clear ending at some point, likely around the volume 15 mark, so I’m choosing this one for my edgy, medieval, violent story... thing. I was scrolling around the tags a bit for Ubel Blatt to get a consensus on this manga and saw a few people essentially calling this a poor man’s Berserk. Well folks, since I’m poor as hell I’ll glad sink money into what is currently at volume 10 and not play catch up with Berserk until it finishes.

Now, onto the manga itself,  I find Ubel Blatt interesting in that this series has a very clear goal and that main character is making clear strides in accomplishing that goal. The main character, Koinzell, simply wants to avenge himself and his fallen comrades after being betrayed by his former allies. It’s... basically an even edgier Tales of Beresia except with a half-fairy-elf man instead of Velvet Crow. The world is already saved, but the ones that were sacrificed for that end are less than happy about it and want revenge at the cost of screwing the stability of the world over again. I’m on volume 3 at this point and I’m pretty hooked. It really does remind me of Tales of Beresia with out they show the heroes being flawed and even devious, but the public love them regardless... well, those that aren’t being enslaved by their rule anyway. 

I especially like female lead, Aht. I’ve always like the warrior-princess archtype, and Aht is definitely winning me over with her loyalty toward Koinzell, even willing to change her body and appearance to help him in combat. My only regard about her is that we don’t get to see her in that badass black dragon rider armor she was wearing in the first few volumes when she was going to try and kill Koinzell for killing her brother. That armor just hit all my aesthetics for warrior princesses... but alas, I still like her though. 

I believe this manga is up to volume 10 here in the States. Now I say 10, but it’s numbered 9... for some inane reason there’s volume 0 that is not a prologue volume, so please read, as it is mandatory to understand the plot... it’s the one thing I’m gonna’ knock about this manga, but it’s a good read so far. Looking forward to getting the rest on payday.

Alright, time to talk about a manga I’ve been reading exclusively online for awhile now. As of this point I know the light novel of Goblin Slayer is out in the West, but I’m... hesitant to get it since I was hoping the manga would come first, and I honestly prefer manga to light novels anyway, the only exception I made was Magical Girl Raising Project. According to Amazon a physical copy will be for sell around December and there is a digital version out, so I think I’ll get the digital copy as a way to support the series.

 Anyway, Goblin Slayer is basically about... the adventures of a goblin slayer. Yeah, I know it sounds generic, but it’s good, I swear. In Generic RPG Video Game World #492, this fine fellow kills goblins and only goblins after they killed his family. He is basically medieval Batman if Batman killed. He knows everything about goblins and how to kill them, and with his party of a healer, an archer, a shaman, and a dwarf, he’ll make sure all of them pay for taking away the ones he loved. 

This manga is a bit of a deconstruction of typical RPG tropes. If you guys are familiar with anime Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash, then I’d say this is very similar to that, but with more mature themes in it. I found the world of Generic RPG Video Game World #492 rather interesting in how the goblins themselves are enough of a threat that they can kill newbie adventurers who are unprepared (and often are given goblins are seen as weak in this universe), but not enough of a threat for the higher leveled adventurers to bother fight them without high prices. It creates a cycle a of death and tragedy, real depressing stuff as the characters lament on their situation. The Goblin Slayer’s party members slowly start to understand why he hunts goblins and only goblins despite his rank, and the healer is such an endearing character. I like her interactions with the Goblin Slayer. Her innocence really compliments his gruff, silent nature, and she’s one of the few that can get more than a sentence out the guy save for his other love interest the Female Farmhand. 

...

...

...

I know it sounds like I’m giving them generic names and whatnot, but manga really doesn’t give these characters names, like, at all. The Goblin Slayer is just called the Goblin Slayer by everyone in-universe, the healer is called Priestess I believe, and so on. It’s... really weird, but it works. I like where the story’s going so far, and it tempts me to get the light novel to see where things go from there. I’ll skim a few pages next time I head to the bookstore and see if the writing interests me.

In name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Lord grant me strength as I speak about this manga. 

So... Tsugumomo... where do I even begin with this one? I dread talking about this manga. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, emphasis on guilty. I... don’t know if I can do this, but I’ll try.

Before I start, I’ll say this much, I like the premise. It’s basically a more Japanese version of Soul Eater. Special beings called, well, Tsugumomo, are objects that gain sentience after generations upon generations of use. Once sentient, they can take a human form and weaponize their original form so that exorcist can use them as tools and weapons to battle against evil spirits and demons. So yeah, basically a mix of Soul Eater and Twin Star Exorcist, other manga I happen to enjoy reading. And being the giant weeb I am, anything with a Japanese aesthetic to it is gonna’ get my interest. It’s how I got into Nioh, it’s how I got into Samurai Warriors and the Warriors series, so it appealed to me on a surface level. So when the anime came out, I watched the first episode and... immediately dropped the show there. The first minute had me clicking away to something else since it opened on a boob gag with middle school aged characters. However, episode 3 had a really good fight scene in it, I saw some gifs of it, and being a sap for a good fight scene, I gave it another shot. Episode 2 wasn’t that bad, episode 3 wasn’t either, but... I believe it was episode 5 that had me drop the anime again. I’m not against middle school aged characters discussing sexual topics, but... well, I can’t stand the first omnibus volume of Negima! for a reason. However, much like Negima! I decided to see if the manga was just as bad. After all, if The Sacred Blacksmith had talk me anything, it was that anime spin offs tend to play up the fanservice for the sake of making a quick buck. So i went to the manga to see if that was the case.

It was the exact opposite. The anime turned down the fanservice by quite a degree.

However... despite that, I’m still interested in the story. I’m going to spoil a bit from her, so be warned.

Much like with Negima! I skipped quite a few chapters, starting at around chapter 72, when they went into Kanaka, the main character’s mother, and Kiriha’s, Kazuya’s former Tsugumomo, past and relationship. I didn’t want to bother reading chapters of fanservice to get to what was interesting, so I skips around until I found something worth reading, and boy was this part worth reading. I found Kanaka to be real interesting character. It an interesting take on the whole “Too Strong to be Approached” angle. Or I really liked how she was emotionless until she was able to find a good opponent to fight and then essential became a more cheerful version of Blazblue’s Azrael, her strength being seen as something to be feared to the point of the Exorcist organization literally feeding her demons and evil spirits from their SSS-rank list just to make sure she wouldn’t try to take them out due to boredom. I liked how she trained her kids solely so they could give her a good fight when they mature. Her personality and how she grew in those chapters really hooked me to her character. 

To read those chapters, get attached to those characters, only to realize both Kanaka and Kiriha were dead and that Kanaka’s son had to kill his own mother because of a mistake he made when he was younger... I was shocked by how invested I was already. 

Also, there’s a tournament arc going on as of chapter 100, and learning about the exorcist academy and how they have different political beliefs in how Tsugumomo should be treated interests me as well, so there’s that.

With Tsugumomo I feel like it’s a Shounen manga trying to be a Seinen one by adding a bunch of nudity and sex scenes. Trust me, there are enough bare breast and sex scenes to be a hentai in this. And this very much much hits a nerve when it comes to my limits on fanservice. Dear god, the lewdness of this manga. I swear every chapter someone’s getting naked for some asinine reason or another. The sheer amount of underage nudity and sexual content is just enough to make me [RETRACTED]. Seriously, this the manga equivalent of Shadow the Hedgehog and the Dante’s Inferno video game. The mature themes in this manga detract more than add to the story...  Also, Kazuya’s character design makes me want to stab my eyes out, but that’s a story for another day.

Again, I didn’t read anything else before that, so if anything I think Kazuya’s abilities are a little OP since what was keeping him from his full potential was goddamn amnesia of all things, but... I’ll let it slide since I don’t have the full context. Much like Wanna’ be the Strongest in the World and Ikkitousen, I wouldn’t recommend this manga to anyone, I can’t do it with a clear conscience, but this is certainly a guilty pleasure of mine... and boy do I feel guilty for liking it.

And lastly, to get the taste of Tsugumomo out my mouth, we have a good manga, The Scared Blacksmith. I’m gonna’ be brief with this one because talking about Tsugumomo drained me a tad, but... 

I. Love. This. Manga. 

I just finished it last week and I’m so glad I bought. I’m actually shocked this is a Seinen. Save for a bit of fanservice in a first few volumes and... the stuff that happened in volume 6, this manga’s actually clean for the most part. It’s mostly about the Knight Cecily Campbell and her life in the Independent Trade City... no, that’ really the city’s name. Okay, quick tangent, but what’s with these fantasy Seinen manga and their borderline parody location names? I know the names just serve a means to an end in the grand scheme of things, but... really? 

Anyway, Cecily Campbell is a female knight joined the knight guard since she’s the only daughter of a noble family of knights, and... the story takes off from there. Again, Tsugumomo drained me a tad, but trust me when I say this manga is good. It’s got action, romance, a decent female character. I said this before in some of my other Ramblings, but Cecily is one of my favorite female characters ever. The anime didn’t do her justice... but anyway, this is a good manga overall. It fully out in the West so I recommend you all buy it when you can.

And so... on a lackluster note, I ended my rambling about Seinen manga. I’ll do The Sacred Blacksmith justice a later day. I’m beat now, so I’m gonna’ just... read some manga, maybe draw a bit... feel free to message me if you guys have question... I’m just... gonna’ be here. Phew, I’m tired now...