#anyway I'm not expecting this to reach any audience at all but in a weird way i like this. i like my green weird pig bear

[raven-master]

Bad drawings

something about learning to love the joy of creating and letting go of the pressure to achieve

[understandingbimbos]

So. There's a few things I need to address. My documentation and study of bimbos began as a personal project. I only started a blog because I was putting a ridiculous amount of work and thought into this and figured it should be shared (and still, there's SO much I haven't shared yet...). And that's part of why this blog isn't so well managed, not consistent, and very informal. I write every post with the assumption whoever reading will have some familiarity with the fetish and that was kind of a mistake when dealing with subject matter as delicate as this and if I want to be able to attract literally any other audience. But the blog is here now so its kind of a moot point. I won't be rewriting posts. I want to kill myself every day, its astonishing I can write anything. Anyway, recently I discovered an adult performer named Celestina Blooms, in particular, this video:

We share a lot of the same thoughts. And her criticisms of BimboTok are a lot better articulated. Here are some of things she's said that stood out to me (paraphrased):

"As an actual political movement, the Gen Z bimbo isn't actually very helpful beyond being satire because there are contradictions."

"It makes no sense to be expected to have every single decision in your life, in every area of your life, be a form of activism."

"If you don't spend enough time watching all their videos to completely get the point it looks like they're satirizing the ideologies they're preaching."

"They're kind of taking this thing and being like 'Hey! This thing is leftist because I'm leftist and I said so!' when the thing is still something very tied to a lot of systems of oppression."

"I think there's an issue with saying that being feminine is feminist."

"Because there are so many minors on TikTok they'll come across this trend and see the cute aesthetic and cute clothes, and for good measure, the ideologies a lot of them agree with and be like 'Fuck yes! Sign me up!' and before you know it they're dressing like a bimbo, calling themselves a 'bimbo', and all this stuff while not even being aware of this whole other world of bimbofication as a fetish and unknowingly calling attention to themselves."

She also brings up Pink Bimbo Academy in this video (not by name, and if you somehow see this Celestina, sorry for blowing up your spot!). I bring this up because PBA actually reached out to me like two weeks ago. We had an extremely brief conversation. He lost all interest as soon as he realized my blog isn't primarily about real life bimbos and, like Celestina, I don't believe bimbos are really a real life thing. This is the reason for my last text post (now pinned).

Up until this point I didn't realize Pink Bimbo Academy was a guy, or extremely weird. He's one of those bimbo enthusiasts that genuinely believes every woman should be a bimbo, unless they're trans that is, because according to him a bimbo can't have a penis or possess any "masculine" qualities. He seems to view bimbofication less as a fetish and more of a means to an end. To him, bimbos are the peak of femininity and bimbofication only helps women to become more of who they're "biologically" meant to be. He has entire rants against feminism up on his website and aspires to create an actual real-life bimbo finishing school, like he's a super villain or some shit, like the antagonist of every school-set bimbofication story come to life. And unfortunately, he's basically the resource for bimbofication online. I have to assume not everyone that follows his guides reads all his posts and FAQ but its more than disappointing to have a transphobe be one of the main vanguards of this fetish today.

Anyway, I can't recommend Celestina's video enough. Its a bit long but all worth watching and has made the prospect of writing this book exciting again. I would suggest this video of hers too:

Post-script: After over an hour of writing all of this I realized I actually did something extremely stupid here. Celestina follows me on here, possibly one of the first people to follow me. I kept wondering why one of her icons looked so familiar and it took me until literally just now to figure it out. I hope she doesn't mind the plug, because you all should follow her too!

@celestinablooms Twitter Instagram

[laithraihan]

I'm the anon who sent you the long message that apparently came off "pompous & infantilizing" and more to your followers.

I find it interesting that that message sparked such a flood of defenders, when I did not send it in bad faith at all. From your answer it seems I'm lacking context so sorry if I took some of your statements the wrong way, but nonetheless I just found the parental love addition strange and reacted to that, that was all there was to it. I clearly stated (three times) I'm not taking any issue with your headcanons.

By saying they are far removed from canon I did not mean to say they are "too unrealistic" or something is wrong with that, I literally said the opposite. I meant just that, that factually, this will not be a common interpretation for someone who is familiar with the source material but not your blog. This is not a statement that I made with any judgemental value and I thought I made that very clear but apparently not.

So I'm sorry for the additional ask.

Have a nice day.

Thank you for the response.

I was fully aware you said there was no issue with what I drew, but the way you wrote everything else sort of negated that statement. At least that's how me and many other people saw it.

If someone finds what I drew strange or confusing then they could always just... block me or ask me about it (and btw I expected people to be confused, otherwise I wouldnt have labeled it "non-coupling" as soon I posted it lol)

Someone did ask me about it, and you seem to have already seen that response, yet you still felt the need to send another message basically implying that an explanation wasn't enough (turns out it actually wasnt enough because people said I was lying and in denial) and that my explanation was weird too? Which is whatever I already ended up clarifying that, English is not my first language and I type things with the help of a translator (I wish people could actually keep this in mind. I only type in English because it'll reach a wider audience and it's the language most of my followers know. Often I have to google words people tell me online, or I ask my friends fluent in English to explain things for me)

You can say "that's not what I intended" but that's how it came across... you wrote a lot of nice words while also saying it was understandable that people were ganging up on me over a drawing, it seemed patronizing.

That's why me and others took offense to it, but I think it's difficult to tell tone through text so I don't want to keep nitpicking this any further. If you say you had no ill intent then I believe you.

The following will just be me adding more context and not necessarily aimed at you: Again I understand the lack of context of my account can make people confused about my art, Ive made that clear many times.

The art I made where I said "if your parents didnt love you then it's obvious" was a direct response to people who were mocking me specifically for tagging the art as "non-coupling" because they didnt believe me. They got the context and decided I was trying to hide a fetish because a kiss on the cheek was "obviously shippy". They proceeded to compare this to drawing NSFW of Mob and Reigen by labelling it "non-ship" as if it was comparable to tucking a child into bed, that's what upset me. I did absolutely nothing to these people, I dont know them, if they said this privately I wouldnt care but it was public, and they also targeted another friend of mine for no reason.

All Im gonna say is that my drawing shouldnt have caused this much controversy in the first place. I labeled it "non-coupling" as soon as I posted it, which should've been enough honestly. It's not like I posted porn or anything like that, I got the idea from something Ive experienced in my family as a teenager and I could easily google stock images of the exact same scenario to use as reference, like I really didnt think it was that bad.

Anyways I think I've explained myself many times already. Im not gonna be hostile and say to people "roh t9awed dont ever send me anything else related to this" but just.. check if Ive already answered your question so that it doesnt end up being repetitive. If you have a question about this that I havent answered yet, then feel free to ask.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Hello.

You and gay-jesus-probably have successfully made me question everything with your view that Tears of the Kingdom is imperialist propaganda, so that's been fun.

Anyway, I decided to share this discussion with the Zelda fans on reddit, and perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of them disagreed. Here is what they said (I'm Alarming_Afternoon44):

So what do you think? Have I and all these other people just been duped by the game's manipulative framing? Or do they actually have a point?

And if you'd rather not answer this, or would prefer if I censored the usernames, just tell me and I'll delete this.

Hey! Thanks a lot for reaching out, and I'm glad it made you think stuff through!!

Honestly, as I mentioned in this post, I am not super interested about in-world conversations about who oppresses who, because what can be assessed from the game is super vague and more vibes-based than evidence-based. Within the text, of course that the Good Zonais are good and the Bad Ganondorf is bad! But that's my whole point! The narrative has been deliberately crafted so that the zonais and Rauru (and Hyrule) are as blameless as possible (and it's not doing a great job at it overall to be frank; we would not be having these conversations about how offputting it all feels for a non-zero number of people if it did do a great job). More importantly, I want to focus on what sort of real-life narrative it all parallels. Because people make stories, and people live in the real world.

Not going after everyone's throat here, gamedev is hard and the hydras that are AAA game production do end up doing super weird stuff, especially since the thematic ramifications are absolutely never prioritized (and it's also always the same kind of people who make the final calls and push out what can and can't be talked about also). And as fans, we tend to have trouble stepping outside the lens of lore and take a look at the bigger picture sometimes; not as an attack on any individual part of that decision-making process but to just pause, stop, and question our standards, our priorities and the kind of reality (or skewing of reality) the stories we tell each other reflect.

Again: do we want to take videogames seriously or not? If we do, then we need to accept they are a vehicle for ideology, just like any other artform. And sometimes, you push out questionable ideology, sometimes without meaning to, because you didn't unpack your own biases as you did. And it's even fine to do it, nobody is perfect, a 300+ people team spread over 6 years certainly will not be that. But that it wasn't prioritized is, in my opinion, a problem. As a narrative designer, I want games (at least the narrative side) to be held to a higher standard than this. It's literally my job to work with the industry so it can hold itself to higher standards of quality --so the whole TotK situation is quite frustrating to witness from a very pragmatic, work perspective where I already spend my days trying to convince people that things mean things. I have a vested interest here in not having the companies I work for being given a free pass by gamers to do literally whatever as long as it's fun, especially when we're talking about a billion-dollars company suing its own fans left and right for any perceived slight. Nintendo are not underdogs here. It's fine to point out they cut corners and maybe promoted messy ideologies, voluntarily or not.

So long story short: no I don't believe anyone here has a point in regards to what I think is actually important, which is why these choices were made in the first place. If you look at an imperialist text expecting the text to tell you that it's imperialist instead of recognizing a framing used for propaganda by yourself, you're never gonna find any imperialist text ever, obviously not!! I'm sorry if I sound a little gngngn here, but I don't know why audiences have, at large, this feeling that lore and story beat decisions materialize themselves already formed and without any human bias, meddling, intervention, internal politics or approximations (it seems that people can only conceptualize this part if they have actual names to attach to the story, but without clear authors it's like there are no authors and so no bias, which is... a very strange bias in itself). I can promise you that it does not work that way in practice: every narrative department on every big game is a battlefield --some nicer than others, but all of them very emotionally draining either way.

So yeah, I guess that on these grounds, I disagree with every point raised here. Sorry Reddit :/

But thank you for the ask and sorry if I didn't go more into details as to why. The big Why I Dislike Rauru Post and the Gerudo Post might have some more specific rebuttals, but I am not super interested in debating small detail stuff tbh. I feel like it's no use if the frame of reference isn't being understood in the first place.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary54

11/4-5/2023

saturday - sunday

the anime con was fun/cute.

we got to see this fashion show thing they did there today, which was cute, some nice looking stuff, especially the things minori had, these really pretty and kind of extreme headdresses. extreme as in excessive, huge, a couple were reminiscent of like, margiela's doll clothes, where they're really oversized and strangely proportioned. we were there from like, 12 pm to 6:30-ish i guess. the dealer's hall was crazy, i saw this guy there who really disgusts me though, last year we went to two cons, and at the second, i went into the bathroom, and i let him in, we made eye contact, i was in the stall beside his, and i saw his shadow like, jerking, and the sound of skin on skin slapping. i guess he got really horny or something at that other con cuz they for some reason had an excess of hentai everywhere, i don't think that one is ever happening again, it was called shinecon, really awful honestly, i hated that. he's this furry with a yt channel, he sat by us during the cosplay contest panel, and this guy kept making barking noises, just as like, a thing he did cuz he was hyped, and the furry was like, mad, so he started barking back louder and with crazy eyes, and then turned his phone over to the guy as he barked at him, which put me in the middle of the camera, basically, i think. i'm at least in frame. i think i look very unhappy. after that we walked around, looked at some more stuff, my gf saw this guy she used to know who apparently talked all kinds of shit about her but he acted all nice to us today, weird stuff. oh the intermission for the cosplay contest was fun, this woman who was also a cosplay judge came out and rapped, and she had this song that was like, way sexual, and i saw the faces of some of the children in the audience, and they were like, whoa, i guess, really funny to me. we also saw neo-japonism live, they were really fun, good energy, the songs were like, fine, i also didn't know how to move myself for that kind of music/audience experience, i don't get it sort of, with music i would really just like to move my body with the music/interpret that way, but idol stuff is sort of like you are very explicitly trying to feed the performance and kind of amp it up by moving along with it, like a big feedback loop, which i like, but i dunno, it's a big feedback loop but not a chaotic feedback loop, which is how i like to think of stuff. dance music, for instance, asks you to interpret it and move along, even doing things like voguing is a process of reusing signs intuitively, performative yeah (all dancing that isn't seizure-esque basically is) but moving within confines of the social to reach at something else is interesting, mobilizing oneself towards the excessive/getting into a rhythm enough to shed the expected and shock yourself/let yourself be shocked by the music, hear things that aren't fully there, nested rhythms, absorbing the posture of the mix, that kind of thing. anyways, this isn't to say the idol stuff is worse, i just don't understand how to do it or be involved at the level i saw people in there were. it was crazy having these idols look at me, make eye contact, not in a momentary way where like, a guitarist looks at you for a second, but sustained eye contact, smiling and gesturing, asking something of you, and i guess for me feeling like they gave up a bit because i wasn't entirely sure what to do beyond move this little fan i got around, back and forth or up and down.

but all this going out lately is really having negative effects on me, the trips to colorado, arizona, these larger gatherings with lots of people, it all really wigs me out, i've been getting worse hypochondria attacks and any time i'm itchy or my skin is irritated i am totally convinced i am catching fleas or bedbugs or something, and that i am contaminated and that i am going to take it home. i think my skin got irritated by something in my socks, leading to two rash-like things, but now even talking about it now, i am literally experiencing full body itching, and it was not here even 30 seconds ago. literally, sudden onset tingling on my body, like insects are crawling on me, i'm becoming really really unhappy because of this, i feel really bad but i don't enjoy all this right now, the socializing is getting to be too much i think and the added stress of all the nights i have had in arizona of little sleep i am still experiencing some kind of instability i dunno. i don't think i'm developing agoraphobia really but i am liking being outside less and less, and feel like being among a lot of people i am unsafe and that i'm going to bring something into my apartment that i don't want to.

anyway i did write some new lyrics for another song, hopefully i can get to this song on monday along w/ the new parts for the old one.

i wish i could stop being worried about having lice fleas or ticks or bedbugs or anything, literally i am so preoccupied rn my hair falls through my shirt's neck hole and touches my skin and i think it's something crawling on me, ughhhhhhhhh.

so obviously i need to sleep soon if not now so:

byebye!!!!!!!

[bloodgulchblog]

Rested? Nourished? Hydrated? I'm not, but let's keep going.

So anyway, our guy Arby's burns himself with his spaceship's cigarette lighter. Meanwhile, Makee is having a moment with a guy whose actual name contains 'Mdama. I'm just calling him The Priest because I think that's what TV Halo expects me to do anyway, and I don't care enough to come up with a joke for this dude.

(Every time we have a segment where they speak Sangheili I have to read doubled subtitles, which is very annoying.)

The Priest thinks Makee has way too much influence on the ship and is threatening her about it with an ARM SWORD.

Arby's insists that he's still in control of the ship and that Makee is not controlling him, so fuck off. After the Priest skulks away, Makee reassures Arby's that she has recently communed with the keystone.

After Arby's leaves, Cortana asks Makee, "Do you think he knows you're lying?" which is an incredibly stupid question because do you think she'd be alive if he knew that, Cortana????

Like, I get that this show's being written with the hopes of gamers with sub-room-temperature comprehension scores being able to understand it, but damn.

We're not actually going to investigate this moment though, this is just a cue that it's time to jump someplace else.

Back to Spartan-III training zoom call again.

Kai is standing in the room watching some of their monitors turn red as they die (instead of watching the simulation, which would actually make sense) and being like come on guys you can do it to herself while Perez and company make it to the simulated ship bridge and plant the virus they're supposed to in order to win the simulation.

However, once they clear the bridge, there is no resistance on the exfil, which is weird.

Perez confronts Kai about it after the fact and Kai tells her to just take the win. (So, of course, the subtext here is that the simulation has been made easier to give the trainees false hope.)

Then, we open the next scene with Jimmy on a leash.

(You can tell how much close attention I'm paying that I completely missed that he's supposed to be captured? I think? I'm not going back to check. I was busy focusing on whatever was happening with Kwan.)

I'm being literal, those might look like cattle prods or something in the screenshot but they're cables tied to him that a bunch of people are pulling in different directions to keep him from closing with any of them.

Who's in charge here?

Briggs, the woman he was threatening to shoot on Reach over Cobalt team.

They talk shit at one another. She's like "you hurt/killed some of my guys >:(." Jimmy's like "usually when people are hurt in combat it's because they're poorly trained or poorly led" which I don't think I even need to dignify with mockery. Then she's all "which was it, then?" about Cobalt team to get the last word in.

Jimmy demands to speak to Parangosky, she's like lol and tells her guys to secure him here and walks out.

As soon as Briggs leaves, we have another dumb action sequence where he thrashes all the cable guys. Here are some bad blurry screenshots.

I don't actually know if the action sequences are good or bad, I just hate tv Chief too much to be an unbiased audience about them and think he comes off as incredibly overhyped and ridiculous-looking every time.

Anyway.

Ackerson shows this footage to Kai.

She's surprised and glad Jimmy is alive, but now Ackerson has the perfect evidence to use to break her loyalty to Jimmy. He interrogates her again about Chief and Makee, and tells her Makee was seen on Reach stealing one of the keystones.

Ackerson convinces Kai that Jimmy and Makee are in cahoots and the reason Jimmy's here is he's after the other keystone, which they successfully took from Reach with them.

I am slightly bored so I'm idly wondering, once again, where Miranda Keyes is. We still haven't seen her all season. I am holding onto my conspiracy theory that she's training much more fucked up child soldiers in another part of the facility, but I am starting to suspect that it's actually less interesting than that.

Makee cannot get any useful information about the location of the Halo out of the Keystone without Jimmy Rings because of their magical bond or whatever, she's frustrated and scared because even Arby's and his guys will kill her if she can't do it soon. Cortana offers to help if Makee will open transmissions for her. Makee doesn't trust Cortana, but kind of has no other choice.

Boom. Scene change again.

Jimmy sneaking around ONI headquarters looking for Parangosky and seeing all these propaganda posters. I am once again wondering how big this timeskip was supposed to be that they had the time and energy and budget to suddenly print up all these propaganda posts about him being dead.

SCENE CHANGE AGAIN AGAIN.

Halsey is speedrunning a conversation with Kwan, literally being like "let's skip the part where I say I'm sorry and you call me callous" and then is interrupted by something unexpected underground.

The underground forerunner cave system is different than it was.

Kwan starts seeing the spooky woman again and following her.

IT'S BEEN 5 SECONDS, DID YOU MISS JIMMY?

Jimmy is confronted by Kai. Her first priority is knowing what happened to Riz and Vannak, then Kai's devastated that she wasn't there with them at Reach. Jimmy's angry with her for following her orders to leave Reach, and when Kai won't trust him to go to Parangosky, he refuses to stop and thus forces her to fight him.

I'll tell you how that goes in the next post.

I have no jokes for you this morning.

S2E06.

We start off with a group of Spartan-IIIs engaged in a simulation training exercise to board and take down a Covenant ship.

We find out that it's a training simulation because they get pulled out of the dumb VR zoom call technology from last season (y'all remember that? I barely did) and Kai tells them how they fucked up and that they need to be more like a swarm of bees when they're in space to not get shot.

Insanely, one of these trainees is apparently Perez.

We also get a ton of these in-helmet face shots I hate.

While Halsey and the Gang have been busy on Aleria, Spartan-III is.... proceeding with a bunch of adults who survived Reach.

Apparently.

I feel like anyone reading this post has been here long enough to understand my annoyance without my efforts to belabor the point. Maybe I'll get agitated enough to make a whole post out of it later.

But this also feels like the kind of thing a writer does when they've heavily foreshadowed something (the Kessler subplot, whatever the fuck was up with Ackerson having a dead sister clone) but want to make you think you didn't see it coming, so I am expecting we are not out of the child soldier woods yet.

You know how it is.

The children yearn for the child soldier woods.

Anyway, there's a ~thing~ with her and Kai where Kai clearly doesn't like her and Kai's like "I don't have a problem with you I have a problem with failure" while Perez is all YOU'RE JUST MAD YOU WEREN'T THERE AT REACH.

Anyway there's this fucking amazing line after Perez says she "knows what she signed up for."

Then, we cut to Parangosky and Twinkerson having a conversation about ONI (sorry, THE ONI), tea, stories, and empire because of course.

But actually, the point of the conversation is that Parangosky has heard someone snuck a ship through their security protocols and landed nearby, and also she has heard from a source that Halsey is probably alive.

And was seen traveling with a huge scarred man on a ship of the same description.

God dammit, roll the title sequence.

I've survived the first 10 minutes without needing to spit 30 images at you so you can understand my anguish, so maybe things are looking up.

Sort of.

For now.

God I need to fucking know how bad the Spartan-IIIs actually are because this is already so stupid.

Luckily, Halo show is going to leave that Jimmy Rings teaser alone for now. Hop over to Kai and Ackerson.

Kai has been using the VR zoom call software to make herself more miserable about how she wasn't at the battle of Reach by simming herself there, and Ackerson is calling her out on it. She believes her whole team is dead and she's having a very bad time.

She is not confident about the Spartan-III trainees. She says they're not Spartans.

Ackerson is like lol well that's your problem, they are Spartans...

10/10 #1 best boss of the year award.

OKAY NOW we get to go see Halsey and the gang, who are of course on Onyx.

Halsey casually does not explain her plan. Kwan wanders off into the woods and starts hallucinating the spooky woman again while Soren and Jimmy talk about how Onyx is a ~mysterious planet~ with ONI history or something, and how Laera and Soren want to go find/rescue Kessler.

Kessler is somewhere in that building, they think.

Security forces show up and they fight armorless Jimmy in the snow in a scene that Paramount Halo probably thinks looks cool but I just thought looked very silly.

Kwan follows her vision and jumps down a well, which we find out has weird Forerunner Stuff at the bottom and Halsey is already there.

Halsey apparently used to work here 20 years ago.

The funniest thing about the sequence is she credits meeting Kwan specifically for how Jimmy Rings stopped behaving "like a Spartan," which feels super un-earned because of how quickly season 1 separated these characters and how little they ultimately actually seemed to mean to one another. Kwan is about as bewildered as I am with it.

Then, we have THE MOST HILARIOUS SEQUENCE IN THE SHOW TO ME SO FAR.

Okay.

Setting the stage for you.

Lovingly fighting with how tumblr won't let me upload two videos in one post.

Remember this cutscene with me, how they show us the Arbiter's punishment, how it feels to watch that.

Remember it? Love it? Good.

Here's what we get in Halo TV Show.

[EDIT: tumblr had its chance to host this but I think it thinks it's content matched, porn, or both. So. Youtube.]

The prosecution is wheezing. The prosecution rests.

(And by that I mean I should probably go eat something besides bad tv show for breakfast.)

[tuiyla]

I finally found someone who shares my views 🙌. You honestly have no idea how hard it is to find someone like that in glee fandom I’m not even joking. I was wondering if you could help me I’m trying to see about protagonist centred morality and how narrative lets them get away with shit and I was wondering do you have a top 5 moments of bad things finn, schue and puck did? They are the only 3 who seems to get away with everything on the show

Okay wow, I don't know how a month went by since you sent this but here we are. Hi Anon. I'm not sure which views in particular you're referring to lol but IIRC it was the anti Finn and general anti Glee's shitty framing posts, right? Well, in any case happy to be someone people can relate to.

I'd love to hear more about whatever project it is you have going on because it's a fascinating topic. Sorry I couldn't be of help earlier but I'm hoping you'll reach out if/when you see this. Anyway, to start off the actual reply I'll just say that I'm not sure I'd lump Puck together with those two. For me, Finn and Will exist on a very unique level where they show seems wholly unaware of or unwilling to discuss their bad behaviour. Puck, while he does do yucky things and sometimes without repercussions, is overall considered to be a bully from the beginning and has themes of people expecting the worst from him and him doubling down on that. So I wouldn't say he gets away with everything. What he does get away with is pretty heinous, though.

So if we're specifically talking weird narrative framing and a disconnect between what Glee portrayed and how it treated that behaviour, we'd best start off with just that. This isn't an ordered list so rearrange into a top 5 as you see fit.

Puck gets Quinn pregnant: Even my own wording here is much more diplomatic than the actual scene deserves. I've gone into detail before and I can dig up those posts if you'd like but bottom line is that Glee views this as a consensual act between two foolish kids that has serious consequences. The narrative blames them equally, though tbh Quinn a little more because misogyny. But what Glee shows the viewer in 1x22 is an extremely dubious situation with Quinn verbally hesitating and Puck pushing more alcohol on her, not to mention the reveal that he lied about protection thus committing an act of assault in and of itself. Because this was 2010 and written by three men, they saw nothing wrong with this. To modern audiences, it's hard not to view Beth's conception as very questionable, at best.

Finn is the hero in Santana's coming out: I don't wish to dwell too much on this because frankly I've done so enough and it's self-explanatory. Also it makes my blood boil lol. It's mindboggling how they actively retcon Mash Off in IKAG and pretend Finn just really cares about her, actually. Disgusting.

Will's treatment of the kids Mercedes in Booty Camp: And really all of season 3 because he acted like his life depended on them winning Nationals Will's almost always framed as this benevolent father figure and the narrative has the nerve to blame Mercedes for deserting. His behaviour towards her was unacceptable and his double standard was glaring. And yet, we needed antagonists for ND and so the Troubletones was chosen to be in opposition. And for that to happen we needed Mercedes to leave. There are a lot of Will moments but I think the framing might be most glaring here.

Finn tells the Fabrays about the baby: All of this could just be Finn's greatest hits and I shall make him take the last two spots because as shitty as Will is, he's less obvious with most of his bs. So this is another thing I keep coming back to because I simply cannot comprehend how and why the show allowed this to be Finn's decision and his only and how it never once considered judging him for it. Regardless of the baby mess and how Quinn treated him, Finn had zero right to announce Quinn's pregnancy and the callousness with which Quinn getting kicked out of her home is treated is appalling. The show doesn't stop for a second to consider that this might not have been for the best, actually.

Finn beats up Brody: Another shitty Finn moment, another opportunity for me to wonder what the writers were smoking. This isn't one I've talked all that much about before but oh boy. How could Glee turn Finn's violent and frankly psychotic moment into something heroic? Something romantic? He beats up a guy for being a sex worker and we're supposed to find it romantic. Even though they're not together with Rachel and all Brody did was lie. Which was an issue but Glee never deals with that, no, it judges sex work wholesale and has our hero violently attack another guy. Only for Rachel to swoon at the knowledge that Finn would do that for her. Girl, get a restraining order.

So yeah, I hope that was along the lines of what you were looking for. Obviously there's a lot to be said about each and I really focused on kicking Finn while he was down (funny how people do that, huh) but Will's framing is constant throughout the series. Like I said, I disagree about Puck but he does have this one big one and some smaller instances.

[diaco1968]

Altair x Reader

Warnings! Smut, lemon, unprotected, a bit of choking, bit of humiliation, sounds a little dub/non con in the end

Note: I just realized I've written nothing for my first and longest crush, none other than the arrogant grumpy assassin! Sorry for the slight ooc-ness, I get weird writing about him...

Also amazing art! It's thanks to this, I've been visually crushing over this man for the longest time! *^*

Artist

"Wanna blow off some steam, Assassin?"

He could still feel your hands all over him, the feeling of your touch;

Your fingers running up his abs, tracing his chest, running over his shoulders, nails lightly scraping the back of his neck before they carded through his hair finally coming to a rest in a tight demanding grip on the back of his head.

It was unlike whatever he was used to.

The girls in the garden. They just did what they were assigned to do. Though they were obedient and submissive, they didn't claw at him like they desired him.

It was unusual.

It was exhilarating.

It was wrong.

It had been one of the rare occasions where there was a brief pause in the conflict between the assassins and the templars. A moment of peace that kept you all from jumping at each other's throats while their mentors and your commanders talked out their differences for a mutually beneficial truce. And of course they both had the option of having their choice of bodyguards accompanying them.

That was how he first met you. In person and eye to eye. With a distance of less than a rooftop, even less than a swords lenght, apart.

He couldn't get it off his mind now.

You had heard of him, seen the havoc he had caused in your ranks without even being seen. And he had seen you before as you barked orders at your little pawns and cut through his less experienced brethren with no mercy.

Always from afar.

Maybe that was the reason you colided hard the moment those roles were gone and out of the way. Attracted by the differences like day and night.

So when you cornered him alone with that very suggestion you were met with little to no resistance as you grabbed his collar and crashed your lips onto his. You demanded and you took as you pleased, making him bend to your will and despite his arrogant self, he liked that. He liked being wanted. The way you had him on his back in moments, straddling him so full of confidence. You were quite a skilled rider too.

Had him wondering if he had finally met his match?

Now as he stalked in the shadows waiting for you to make a wrong move, he wanted to take back. He wanted you. He had spent weeks being distracted time and again by the memories of your little encounter, now that he was so close to you again he couldn't help but drown deeper and deeper in his inner conflict. Thess were slightly different times, what if you rejected him? It would be so embarrassing... and he couldn't just kill you off if you did, that would harm the truce...

He shook his head as he caught himself thinking nonsense again.

Stay your blade from the flesh of an innocent...

You were a templar though... did you count?-

He didn't have time to measure your innocence as your pawns left to do something you ordered them to and finally you were all alone. All his. Easy prey.

A hand wrapped around your arm, twisting it behind you as he pulled you into the alleyway and slammed you front first into the wall.

"You've become too dull."

"Have I really?"

That was when he noticed you didn't use your other hand to brace yourself on the wall. The little sharp pain in his side from the blade threateningly pressing into him was proof enough.

"You'd still die anyway. So, yes, you have."

He let go of your arm and you turned around to face him in the very little space provided by his arms caging you to the wall, teasingly grinding your ass back onto him. He of course suppressed the little hiss in response, not wanting to give you the satisfaction.

"You think I dismissed my men because I'm dull and not because I saw a certain assassin lurking around in the shadows?"

He narrowed his glinting golden eyes at you.

"You are bluffing."

You chuckled as you wiped at your scraped cheek to ease the stinging.

"What ever helps your ego."

You could see his scowl even from under the hood casting shadows over his face that complimented his features, as he loomed over you, completely silent. His sunkissed skin, sharp bones, haunting eyes, defined scar over his lips.

"You are in templar territory, what do you want, bird?"

His grimace at the nickname had you smirking triumphantly. Why did you have to know their language... it was annoying.

"Don't call me that!"

"But that's your name."

You looked smug and he didn't like that but you didn't have all day for the yarn of his ego to untangle on it's own. You reached up, slipping your hand inside the hood and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down to you so you could whisper in his ear.

"Or do you prefer, Eagle? Am I your poor little prey this time?"

He could feel the goosebumps rise over his arms as he growled in annoyance, your voice rolled over his skin smoothly.

"If you were, you wouldn't live long enough to mock me."

"Flattering."

Your smirk widened, nipping the side of his jaw and pushing him off a whole step before he could react.

"Come, boy."

"... tch..."

Clicking his tongue he wondered if this was all worth it any way as he watched your form striding down the alley, taking his time before he decided to follow you.

To an abandoned building, top floors almost burnt away, leading to a giant hole in the roof opening up to the skies. At the entrance you grabbed his hand cause he was hesitating to step in.

He would have preferred more hospitality... like your own quarters maybe...

He didn't have time to ponder as you pushed him back on one of the few surviving furniture, before straddling his lap.

... a long wooden bench... in a burnt building with cold stone wallls...

"We're in a church!-"

You were already half way through his robes, heavily dropping the weapon belt on the ground as you looked up at his anxious expression, scoffing.

"And? Are you a religious man, Assassin?"

He glared at you but you had a point. He just didn't expect such disrespect from you. Were you not fighting as part of Richard's army?...

"You're shameless."

"Shame is a weakness. You didn't seek me out beacuse I am a weakling now, did you?"

You plopped down on his now not dangerously armed crotch and his hands shot up to grab your hips and steady you.

"Who said I seeked you out? I was just in the area for a job."

"Ouch... you mean you killed off one of my men and came to add insult to the injury?"

He paused as you paused staring down at him. Well maybe he didn't choose his words right. He wasn't good at lying on the spot.

"That's hot."

At this point he had no idea if you meant the things you said or if you were being sarcastic. But he didnt care as you started grinding down over him.

Like last time.

Oh hell no.

He flipped you, so now you were lying on your back looking up at him surprised.

"Not this time. You are mine now."

"Oh? Fine then, show me what you've got."

You almost immediately regretted that as the pit in your stomach deepened not only from excitement but from fear as his fingers wrapped around your throat tightly, nudging your legs apart to settle between them. As you let him discard your clothes, it was probably the first time it downed on you. The danger you were in. He could actually kill you. And no one would know. Kill you and leave you there disgraced and dishonored with no one to know where to look for you.

You wheezed loudly, clutching the wrist of the hand he had wrapped around your neck, your train of thoughts derailed as he unceremoniously thrusted himself into you.

His fingers left your neck, to fist in your hair instead, arching your neck so he had more room as his lips met the delicate skin, his stubble scratching you pleasantly. You grabbed the back of his neck, pressing his face deeper into the crook of your neck and he didn't mind endulging you, sucking and nipping on the skin, combined with shallow slow thrusts had you arching and twisting under him, trying desperately to get more friction out of him. He gripped your hips tightly, pinning you down and restraining your movements.

"I said you'll be good and do as I tell you to."

"That is not what you said."

"Don't test me, (y/n)."

He growled in your ear, his voice rumbling from deep in his chest and you were not about to argue with that as you hummed in response and decided to oblige.

He briefly pulled out of you, only to pull you up and dropping you on your knees on the stoney ground. With a hand on the back of your neck he had you face down, arse up and he plunged himself back into you groaning at the way you twitched around him eagerly with a loud wanton moan.

His other hand grabbed your hip to keep you from jerking forward while he drilled into you, completely different from his earlier pace.

"This is what you want after all. To be fucked like a little bitch with an important audience."

Between your moans and scratching at the ground in pleasure mixed with pain you didnt have time to wonder who, until he grabbed a fist full of your hair and pulled you back against him so you were facing  the old crushed cross behind the altar.

"...you fucking basta-geh!"

He shoved his fingers into your mouth, down your throat, deep enough to make you choke and gag around them.

"I'd watch my mouth, if I were you."

He resumed kissing your abused neck, fingers thrusting in your mouth, creating lewd wet noises and heavy moans.

You were close, he could tell. You were constricting around him so tight he almost released a few times if not for the way you bit his fingers angrily. But he wanted you to finish first. Wanted you to whimper and beg as you just couldn't anymore.

He sunk his teeth in your shoulder and that was it for you. A high pitched mewl and you were clamping down on him violently as your release shook you to your core, slumping over him as he slowed down ever so slightly.

Then he let you drop on your front and resumed his brutal pace, seeking his own release now, disregarding your half hearted protesting sobs.

It didn't take him long and he finished over your ass, panting heavily as he watched your shaky body, get used to the abuse way too quickly as you rolled over underneath him to shoot him a glare.

Awkward silence engulfed you both as he got on his feet and even helped you up with a hand and you both started fixing up your clothes and putting your weapons back in place.

This was not how it ended last time. The silenece made him wonder if he did something very wrong. If your little forbidden rendezvous had come to an end because of him. If it had, it was probably for the best but... he felt a pang of sadness thinking about it. Oh how he wished for you to open your smug mouth and say something. Anything.

"I think we can both agree, I am better off in charge."

"You wish, Templar."

"...well... yes, I do. That's the whole reason behind our ancient conflict, Assassin."

[thunderheadfred]

🤚The Second Worst (Pt. 1/?)🤚

Part 2 of my Shigaraki Thesis Headcanons. HC's // The Second Worst: 1 - 2

The half-mad ghost of Shimura Tenko is in love with you, and your life is about to become a tragic wreck. -- AKA here's when I gave up on bullet points and went off the fuckin rails

I'm self-conscious about writing so much, so uhhhh, please be kind, hahaaa. This is rather long and involved. Are these still even HCs or just a self-indulgent AU outline? There are some mysteries we may never solve.

This is on AO3 now, if you prefer reading there. Anyway. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

You met Tenko before the League existed.

Believe it or not, there are a million ways it might have happened, but in the end: you were both bargain-binning in Akihabara.

You reached for a copy of a collectible bullet-hell cute-'em-up (near-mint! CIB!!!) and accidentally bonked hands with a complete stranger. He flinched about five million feet away from you. Ouch. You're just a nobody, quirkless and average, but you didn't think you were THAT repulsive.

(You're not. Hell, even if you were, this guy couldn't care less. He barely registers that you have a face.)

(Shigaraki is accustomed to getting in and out of this shop in seconds. He always comes in before anyone else and goes straight home. -- Is that really home? Is 'home' a real place? -- ANYWAY he's already pirated this shit, god, why does he even care? He doesn't need to be here. Father doesn't like it. Is that why he's here? Just to do something Father doesn't like? That's pathetic.)

He's had at least ten complete internal arguments with himself before he so much as looks at you.

You know in the tenth of a second he actually meets your eyes... this fucker is going to fight you to the death over this game.

- - - The death match ends in a draw. He was not expecting you to know the first fucking thing about this game. Nobody knows about it, even in Japan. Who the fuck do you even think you are? Oh, no, he's still taking it. But... maybe he can show you how to play it it. He'll give you a little taste, just to make you jealous. He's got his hoodie pulled down like he's going to commit an act of terrorism. What little you can see of his face looks twitchy and messed up. If you have any survival instincts at all, they're kicking in right about now. But... why not. You're not going anywhere with this dude unsupervised, so you suggest a crowded web cafe down the street. The cafe has the necessary console... but the retro gaming booth is laughably small. The TV is about four inches across and you end up having to practically sit in his lap. You were sure this guy was a nasty fucking creep, but he's................ only mostly terrible. Way too angry, for sure. Has no idea how to have a normal, friendly conversation. Inadvertently insults you every other sentence and seems to have a deep-seated persecution complex.

You'd prefer to be mad about the awful company, but... he's obviously deprived of human contact. When it's established that you two share a lot of media fixations, he calms down and starts treating you a little more like a human being. Or at least like a fellow elite.

Wherever he came from, he doesn't seem to want to go back. He keeps pushing you to play one more level, pretending he wants to beat your score. You feel kinda bad for him. You get the distinct feeling that his life is a disaster. He looks like he's never had a full night of sleep in his life. He trips your trigger hairs in that 'is he gonna follow me home?' kind of way, but... up close, he's a lot more depressing than scary. At the very least, you want to buy him a stupidly cute dessert. Just... as thanks. For letting you try out the game and stuff. It's not a big deal, so just pick a flavor, okay? The world isn't actually that awful, y'know.

It's not even that impressive... Definitely not a great cafe. But he takes practically a full hour to eat a single slice of strawberry cake.

When the hoodie comes down. He's all shriveled and dried out, like someone left him him in the desert to die. He chews on his peeling bottom lip and nervously scratches his neck. He doesn't thank you for the cake. Which is fine. It's not a big deal. Actually, you wish he would eat faster; you feel weirdly responsible for him now.

Under all that mess he's... gorgeous? His hair is stunning: a bright, gleaming silver that catches the light. His bone structure is flawless. If it weren't for all the scars and the misanthropic slouch, he'd look like a fairy fucking prince.

You were not prepared for that. In another life he could have been a model, the type of guy who would never even look at you. But something bad happened to him. Something... very bad. Do you even want to know? You have no idea how to ask. Has anyone ever been nice to him? It doesn't seem like it. Should YOU be nice to him? You sort of want to try. - - - This becomes a regular thing. This weird little secret. You should probably tell someone when you see him, just in case you don't come back one day, but you say nothing; how the hell would you explain why you want to see him so bad? You don't know his full name. Maybe he's on a watch list. When he gives you a long string of random numbers so you can schedule meet-ups (is THAT his e-mail, really?) he tells you to just... call him Tenko. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. (He sneaks out when Father is deep in his plots. As long as he comes home on time, it doesn't really matter where he goes, right?) He brings a different game every time. He has an insane collection. Where does he get the money for all this? You know he doesn't work. God, is it drugs? It's probably drugs. Wherever these hidden gems came from, he proudly shows them off to you, like he's never had an audience before. It's sort of cringe-inducing, the way he one-ups and rubs every little victory in your face, desperate for attention.

But at the same time, you are becoming too... something...to mind. Do you... like him? He's not funny, but he thinks you are. His mouth is huge when he laughs. He seems to hate everyone but you, and you've had to earn the distinction of being merely tolerable. Still, he gets really excited about random shit like the garage kit black market and haunted dolls and the price of weed on the dark web.

And... strawberry cake. The realization hits you both at the same time when the waitress brings one piece with two forks. God, what the fuck, are you... are you dating? Quick, think. You look forward to seeing him, and don't even mind sitting close to him anymore. Sometimes you push your leg up against him just to see if he'll still flinch away... and he doesn't.

You jealously notice the way he touches everything but you: with delicate precision, one finger at a time. His large, elegant hands always have a pinky up like he's aspiring for a fiefdom, and you wonder what his skin feels like. You go home and dwell on the way he plucks flowering weeds out of the pavement in front of the cafe. The way he stands rooted to the spot as you leave, just... looking at nothing, unsmiling.

You watch his lips too much, and not just because you want to buy him chapstick. You catch him gaping at you all the time. You thought he was just creepy like that, but maybe... Yeah. I guess you are dating him. Shit. - - - Okay, so, yeah. Bringing him back to your place was definitely a bad idea. You know you shouldn't trust him, even if he is... apparently... your boyfriend? Sort of? You still don't have his phone number. So. Um. What now? You order overpriced pizza and queue up a campy horror movie. What the fuck are you even doing. You don't really think he's going to murder you anymore, but... still. Is the suburban massacre scene gonna give him ideas? Turns out, no. He doesn't like gore, even when the blood is neon pink. He gets upset. Like, really upset. Shaky and green, like he might puke on you. He can't stop scratching that scaly spot on his neck.

Tenko, are you crying? Fucking hell, did you just trigger him? Of course he has a traumatic past, it's carved all over his face. You're so fucking stupid. You don't know how to make it right. You want to hug him, kiss him... anything. But he's never really touched you, and you're too afraid to push now. It ruins the whole night. He leaves without explaining anything. Doesn't even say goodbye. He just. Leaves. Maybe you'll never see him again. Maybe that's for the best. Your chest hurts. - - - He shows up at your door a few weeks later. You haven't heard from him since that disastrous movie night. You had pretty much accepted that you'd broken up with a boyfriend you never actually had. But no. Apparently not.

This time, he’s brought his own entertainment. He's holding a boxed set of some show you're not familiar with. You're distracted by these weird little half-gloves he's wearing, like a cyberpunk hacker. That's a new look, and even if it's a bit edgelord adjacent, he makes it look cool. You tell him as much. It's the first time you've let on how attractive you find him. He's wearing a tight black shirt with a deep, deep V-neck. That's distracting too.

He clears his slender throat and doesn't look at you.

You try to apologize for before, but he's acting like it never happened. What are you even talking about? Have you seen this OVA or not? Get out of the way and let him in already. You've watched three episodes now, but you still have no idea what this stupid anime is about. You can't pay attention to a single frame. All you can think about is how his arm has crept up behind your shoulders. A few inches more and he'll be holding you. Does he... want to hold you? You lean toward him so slowly your spine creaks. One molecule at a time. After a thousand years, your head slides nervously under his chin. His arm comes down, locking you in, fingers clutching your sleeve in a death grip. Even that snobby little pinky. His head tucks down into you hair. A sharp collarbone bites into your cheek. His heartbeat is hard, fast, and irregular. There's not a scrap of fat on him, and as you wrap your arm around his stomach, you think you see a twitch in his pants. Is that just you being desperate? Or... hopeful? This is really happening. --- Soon, you learn that Tenko is a clumsy kisser. It doesn't matter; the fact that he's kissing you at all is good enough for now. His lips are dry, but not half as dry as you expected. There's a slick of menthol helping things along; he's been using something medicated on his lips. Plus, his mouth tastes like he drank a gallon of mouthwash.

All this thrills you more than a little, because it means he came here wanting to impress you. Wanting you. Full stop. Underneath that minty sting is a strange, worrisome aftertaste, like something rotten. Your brain fires off an alarm. Stop kissing him. Right now. This thing will make you sick. But his hands nervously slide over your body... and you decide not to worry about it. Instead, you kiss him deeper. He makes a sweet, startled little noise. Your brain is a fucking liar. It occurs to you he's probably never done this before.

When you lace your fingers in his and try to pull one of his gloves off, he rips his hand away.

Don't. That’s the only explanation he gives.

No need to ask if it's a quirk thing or a trauma thing. Judging by how jittery he gets, it's probably both. You remember the way his hands almost float over objects without ever holding them. Maybe his touch is dangerous. Maybe that's why his face looks like that.

Maybe you should learn more about him before things go way too far...

No. It can't be that bad. Now that he's in your arms, everything frightening about him evaporates. He's vulnerable. He's alone. He's shaking a little. Has anyone else ever seen this side of him? You want to keep him all to yourself, just like this.

So what if he has to touch you with gloves on? You've heard of worse quirk-related inconveniences.

It's okay, Tenko. Do you want to keep going?

You put his hands back on you and wait for him to kiss you again. It doesn't take long.

---

You open his pants. He's long and thin, calloused even here. Every part of him feels untouched, unloved. You hold him tight and squeeze.

It doesn't seem to occur to him to please you in return. He looks afraid. Confused. You're sure you scared him earlier with the glove thing. Is this too much? No. He gasps and leans into you. The tiniest, broken please.

He cums in your hand right away, face buried in your shoulder, his eyes wet and hidden.

I have to go, he says. Over and over and over.

It's okay, Tenko.

You know he doesn't want to.

- - - - - (oops I wrote more)

[problemswithbooks]

Stain for ask meme 🩸

Yay! My main man!

First impression: I didn't like him when I first watched My Hero. I thought his design was cool, and was impressed the story was trying to touch on the issues it had set up in the beginning rather then forgetting about them, but I just thought he was weird. Impression now: He's my favorite and I don't know how I overlooked him. Back hair, exaggerated features, super minor villain--that's always been my jam. He's as shallow as a puddle and I'm fine with that because that means I get to make up nearly 95% of his character. I still think it was a missed opportunity to have him be a bit more reasonable in Vigilantes and spiral into being a harsh black and white thinker, but it makes mistakes like that a lot, as does Hori so it's almost expected at this point. Favorite moment: His talk with All Might. I do have issues with it, but it was nice to see Stain in a less pure "murder mode" then usual. I'm glad he sort of got to contribute something to the plot, even if Hori messed it up with Stars and Stripes. It was also cool to see him stick by his morals and swim back to the mainland instead of joining AfO. I was glad Hori kept his personality consistent in that regard, because he easily could have changed him given his minor character status and long hiatus from the story. Idea for a story: I have so many, but all of them (at least canon compliant ones) are about him growing as a person. I really like the thought of him having his world view challenged and how he'd deal with that. Seeing that All Might's not perfect, and that Tenya has become a better Hero and person. Realizing that in a way Shigaraki wasn't wrong--he was doing his purges for selfish reasons. Just interesting character study pieces that give him more depth and personality, while still retaining his characterization. Unpopular opinion: I don't think his interaction which AM was very good in terms of showing a shift in how villains are viewed. Sure AM talked to him and didn't attack him, but he's also in no position too. He doesn't have any power to take Stain down. All he can do is listen to him. Plus, AM's not really in the right headspace either. He's depressed and feels like failure. He probably doesn't care if Stain kills him or not, so he's not going to fight him. Also, Hori ruins it anyway by reminding the audience Stain is a bad guy, by having him give his kill count, which has doubled, and still demanding to be taken down. It just doesn't feel like a chapter to hold up as proof of villains turning over a new leaf and being on the good guys side. Even if it's trying to do that, it's doing a bad job. Favorite relationship: Probably him and All Might. It's at least somewhat shown in canon so you can get a feel for it. I'd like to see more of it in the future if possible. I would also be interested in how Tenya or Tensei would interact with him if he ends up on the Hero side and living. Tenya has shown support for Shoto reaching out to Dabi, and I doubt he'd get mad at Izuku or Ochako for helping Shigaraki and Toga, but could he give a second chance to Stain? If done right it could be a good character growth moment for both Stain and Tenya. Favorite headcanon: He's a surprisingly good artist. He started as a kid, entering the children's' art contest All Might's agency would have every year or so. He even won a few times. All Might still has the winners somewhere in a box at home. He hasn't made the connection that C. Akaguro is Stain though. Now-a-days he'd be pretty rusty since he hasn't done anything since he started to kill as Stain, but with some practice he could get back into pretty fast.

[hnderyx]

hey can you do their reactions on first date? i'm loving your posts

WayV's First Dates

Hey anon :) Thank you so much for your request~!

I hope you enjoy

Kun:

Kun had recently asked you out on your first date

You honestly didn't know what you were expecting to do when he came and picked you up from your place

But spotting a cute little picnic basket and a checkered sheet in the back seat of his car, it clicked

He was going to take you out on a picnic, duh

He knew after your years of friendship that you adored his cooking

So he thought "maybe I should just cook something just for them and I"

When you two arrived at your destination, being the gentleman he is, he helps you out of his luxury Mercedes

(He wouldn't admit it but he wants to flex a bit for you)

And honestly, this place was beautiful

"Kun, it's stunning here.. Wow"

You marvel at the lush green grass and the beautiful weeping willows decorating the open field

He linked his hands with yours, the picnic basket and sheet in his other

He led you to a very specific spot, next to a small trickling stream

"I come sit here sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed, y/n. I thought that since you know.. we're dating now I should begin to show you my safe places" he said as he spread out the checkered sheet and set the basket on top of it

You planted yourself on top of the sheet, and he followed

After opening the basket, he pulls out your lunch

It was simple, but adorable

He had made precious little bite sized sandwiches and beautifully decorated heart shaped cookies

Two cans of coke for you two to drink as well

And a bag of chips

"I hope this is alright, y/n.. I know it's not much bu-"

"Kun, it's absolutely precious. I love it so much."

He smiles and laces his hand with yours

You two spend hours sitting and enjoying nature

Maybe you two fall asleep in each other's arms and wake up 3h later when the sun is setting

Ten:

Ten was extremely nervous about picking you up for your first date together

He was slightly worried that maybe you wouldn't enjoy what he had planned

Slightly? I mean he was nearly shaking because he really wanted to have many many dates with you after this one

If he messes up now, it could nuke the possibility of any other dates

He had told you to dress somewhat formally

Preferably in a suit and tie or a flowy dress

So when he sees you walking to his car from your door, he's starstruck at how you look

He had planned taking you to a waltz class and then to an Italian dinner

Guy wanted to be extra

So when you arrive at the class

And you realize what he had planned

You're flustered because

Holy shit, you're expected to dance with the man that is known in the music industry partially because of his dancing?

You're nervous, yet so grateful

He guides you slowly and eventually you get the steps

And the way it feels to be in his arms as you two dance together ignites a fire in your heart

All you feel for Ten at that moment is just an insane amount of love

After the class is finished, you're in awe when he takes you two a dimly lit restaurant

A candle lit restaurant as well??

Damn, Ten really knew how to get you in the loving mood

When he drops you off at home, you invite him in for tea

He asks you for a dance

And you two waltz around your living room like a couple of fools

But a couple of fools that were in love

Winwin:

It took months before Winwin actually got the guts to ask you out

He'd manage to get half the question out before changing the whole conversation

So when he finally forced it out, and you accepted

He was over the moon

But now the problem is..

Where should he take you?

He decided to settle for something easy but just as special as anything else

And that was taking you for a walk in your local park

It was fall, so the leaves were turning and the air was somewhat chilly

"y/n, to warm our hands, do you want a warm drink?"

"Yes please, Sicheng"

You two went to get coffee/tea

And with your coffee/tea in your left hand and Sicheng's hand in the right

It gave you a feeling in your chest like a roaring campfire

You two talked for what seemed like an eternity

About anything and everything

Sitting on a bench, hand in hand

As you watch people and their dogs stroll by

Eventually, you started to get a bit cold

So you two made your way back to your apartment

You invited him in for snacks and maybe some TV

As you were watching some randomly picked out b-movie

You two fell asleep in each other's arms

Lucas:

He's actually adorable. I just wanna hold his hand.

When Lucas originally asked you out

He never thought that you'd actually agree

So he didn't think of anything past the idea of asking you

When you went "sure, I'd love to go out with you. What would you want to do?"

He halted

"I don't know.. Maybe just go see a movie on Friday night?"

It was a basic idea, but an idea nonetheless

So when Friday night came and he picked you up

Poor guy was super nervous

You two settled on seeing some action spy movie thing

You didn't want to admit to him that sometimes during these movies, you get motion sick

So when you get the slight nauseated feeling from keeping your eyes on the fast moving screen

You hide your face in Lucas' shoulder, doing deep breath exercises

You grab his hand and as he realizes you're not exactly feeling well

He rubs tiny patterns into the top of your palm

"Do you maybe just want to go walk around the mall, y/n? We can leave now if you'd like"

"Yes please.."

He guides you out of the theatre and into the adjoining mall

As your eyes land on Build-a-Bear Workshop, you give him puppy eyes

"Xuxi, let's build a bear together!"

Oh, how could he say no?

So you two build a stereotypical teddy bear together

But with one of those hearts that they put in that does the little heartbeat thing

He admires the way you look as you butt-fuck the stuffing into the bear (idk how else to describe it I'm so sorry)

And honestly, he has a bit of a hard time letting you take the bear home but he has to be the charming "yes, you can have the bear" type #MatureXuxi

He's so happy when you agree to another date ;)

Xiaojun:

Xiaojun preformed at your local bar on Saturday nights

As his best friend, you'd always agree to be there

Until he asked you something that genuinely surprised you

"Do you maybe want to come and see my show as... my girlfriend and date? I mean, you don't have to but..."

"I'd love to, Dejun."

You had been having certain feelings for Xiaojun shortly after you two developed a friendship

Anyways,

On Saturday night, he had picked you up

At the bar, you helped him prepare for his performance

Setting up the microphone, tuning his guitar, etc.

He had written a song for you that he would perform in front of the audience

And God, if your face wasn't flushed at the way he introduced you to the crowd as his girlfriend

Then it definitely would've been after he sang this song about how handsome/beautiful you were

After his performance, he sat across from you at your table

"Did you like it, y/n?"

"Y-Yes, I loved it.."

He reached his hands across the table and grabbed your hand

"I love you, y/n."

He pressed a gentle kiss on the top of your hand

Quite a weird first date, but a very heartfelt one.

Hendery:

You and Hendery had a specific place to always go as friends

And that was the arcade

He loved how you'd jump around and smile after beating the high score on one of the flashy machines

He also found it hilarious when you'd input "ur mum" as your name after you've absolutely obliterated 1st the place score

So when he asked you

"y/n you think you'd like to go on a date with me to the arcade? I mean like.. a date date"

It kinda hit different

I mean, it was the place you'd always hang out with him

But this wasn't as homies

This was as blossoming lovers

You were unreasonably nervous, and so was he

You two eventually stopped being shy around each other

And started pushing each other around if you or he wanted to play one of the games you've played millions of times before, first

The way he cheered you on as you played some type of Street Fighter

It really opened your eyes to how you truly felt about Hendery

Every compliment that he spilled

It'd make your face flush

I mean, you knew you had a bit of a crush on him in the first place

But now? Now you knew you were undeniably in love with him

After this little occasion, you two started to go on more date dates to other places besides the arcade

Yangyang:

You and Yangyang spent the majority of your time at the PC cafe with each other

Playing some online games

Sometimes other members of NCT would join you as well

It became something you'd look forward to at the end of the week

You and Yangyang were almost ALWAYS teammates

You weren't too sure if he always requested to be on your team because he liked you or because he thought you were a good player

Maybe both?

Definitely both.

After your hangout with Yangyang and a handful of NCT members, he asked you out for a trip to the bakery

"y/n, you maybe wanna join me to the bakery? I'll buy you something... it'll be a little date"

A date?

"Sure, Yang. I'd love to. Free food is a bonus too."

Your face went red as he slips his hand into yours and pulls you towards the bakery

You two unknowingly kept your hands grasped to each other's as you picked out a small dessert

"Yangyang, do you maybe... like me?"

"Like you? Of course I do" he squeezes your hand "I think I like you more than a friend should like a friend"

Oh so this..

This WAS a date

"I like you like that too, Yangyang..."

He flashes you his signature Yangyang™ smile

"Then lets do little dates more?" he asks

"Yeah, I'd love to..."

[winterandwords]

Loitering with intent to Wattpad

I've been dithering about this a lot since I started getting back into visible internet activity with my writing, and I decided I'm going to start a new Wattpad profile for my microfiction and maybe for longer stuff later when I have longer stuff to share.

I've been on Wattpad before. I was never hugely involved in big site-wide activities, but one of my stories was featured (I didn't apply for that or suggest it, I just logged in one day and it had happened, which was super weird), some of my books were on official genre reading lists, I read a lot there, and I shared a few novellas and novels which I love with all my heart for being learning experiences, but that aren't anywhere online now and don't really represent what I do anymore.

I definitely don't write Typical Brand Wattpad stories and I'm fully aware that the majority of WP users aren't exactly my audience, but I also don't really care, especially since the site took away basically all discoverability tools and sort of became an online slush pile for their publishing department and media partnerships. I'm not complaining about that at all, just acknowledging that it's not exactly a place to share writing socially anymore, so I don't have that expectation. I know a lot of people got royally pissed off about it, but meh. Businesses gonna business.

The main thing that made me not want to be there before was the aggressively identity politics-ish vibe that seemed to suddenly become a very strong focus. Again, not complaining (apart from about the brigading, representation policing, and other unpleasant villagers-with-pitchforks drama, but I assume that's not common), it's just not something I enjoy as the main theme of my online creative experiences.

I honestly don't know how prevalent that whole "the demographic info of writer and their characters is the most, or only, important thing about a story" approach is, or if it was just a huge deal in the circles I moved in at that particular time. Maybe it's entirely possible to be on Wattpad in a small quiet way and not get bogged down in that. I mean, Tumblr is undeniably aggressively identity politics-y overall and people get absolutely ripped to shreds for not ticking all the ever-changing boxes of moral and social acceptability, but it's not something I encounter here on a regular basis because the people I choose to follow and interact with aren't like that.

What I did enjoy about Wattpad was the platform itself, in terms of function, aesthetics and usability. While it definitely isn't somewhere to bring people into from elsewhere (you pretty much have to set up an account and/or download the app to read anything and the ads are TERRIBLE if you don't have a premium subscription), it's a lovely user experience from a writing-and-sharing perspective and lets you create very slick, beautiful books. I also met some very cool people there and it can be great for finding things to read, if you don't object to doing some digging to reach the gold.

Writing serialised fiction and posting as I write is definitely not my thing (I tried it and it wasn't for me), but I'm creating content based around microfiction for other platforms anyway and I get a kick out of playing around with sharing on various channels. I'm also writing longer stories anyway and not planning to sell those in any kind of mainstream way (they'll be downloadable for free on my website, with an option to leave a tip) so it's not like having things on Wattpad would negatively impact anything else I'm doing.

So yeah. That's a thing. I'll post a link here once I get it all set up. I'd love to hear from other Tumblr folk who are on Wattpad as well so I can visit you and read yer stuff <3

[depizan]

Everything becomes a cliche. Maybe, in a world where fiction sticks around as well as it does, everything just plain is a cliche. And maybe this isn't even a complaint, or isn't the one I thought it was. Maybe people don't do edgy shit any more because they think it's a subversion or surprising or whatever, but because it just is the current cliche.

But...and this is probably just me and my mynock infested brain talking...it's boring. Or I'm wrong about the point of edgy shit being the shock factor, and it's just that it's a set of cliches I don't care for, so I find them boring, while the set of cliches I enjoy never gets old. And for the fans of edgy shit, it's the other way around. But so much of edgy shit relies on the idea of subversion, and I don't see how that works when the subversion becomes the norm. Don't, at some point, you need to subvert the subversion in some fashion in order for it to have spark again?

This probably isn't a fair example, since it's likely there precisely because it is the current trope, given that the whole thing is very much an All The Tropes affair, but... the opener to The Legend of Vox Machina is the kind of thing I mean.

It starts with a whole dramatic voice over intro and sets up an adventuring party who are not the main characters to take on the mystery threat that's plaguing a kingdom. So, like, we know they're gonna die, right? Everyone old enough to be watching the show has to be expecting that. And they do, of course, with lots of blood and body parts, because this is animation for adults, but it's played like shock humor. Like the audience isn't expecting it. Maybe because that's how the trope works? Even though it's been at least a decade, if not two or three, since an adult audience stood any chance of being surprised by that. (Particularly when the party is very obviously not the main characters that any audience member would either already know or have seen in the ads.)

So if it's just a matter of "here, have the cliche!" okay. It's not a cliche I like, but I acknowledge that it very much is the cliche.

However, if anyone involved in the show actually thought there might be some surprise factor for the audience, they needed to subvert it in some fashion. The not-the-main-characters adventuring party succeeds. Cut to the main characters being fuck-ups. The narrator goes "but this is not their story." Cut to the main characters being fuck-ups. Hell, have a whole succession of other adventuring parties, each less impressive than the last, get splatted. And now we're down to the fuck-ups who are apparently the kingdom's last hope. IDK. When you've reached the point of trying to subvert subversions, maybe it's just time to put the poor zombie undead horse trope out of its misery and just use some other kind of intro all together.

But I admit that gotcha tropes like that had a very short shelf life for me anyway, when they had any shelf life at all. Such is the problem of having a mynock infested brain. It isn't surprising for something bad to happen instead of something good. That's just my default expectation in life. Welp, they're gonna die. Welp, the animal the kid just saved is gonna get hit by a car. Welp, [insert any possible negative outcome here].

And this isn't to rag on The Legend of Vox Machina. It's an All the Tropes D&D campaign turned into an animated show. It's about what I expected. I find all the juvenile adult stuff a little tiresome, but less than I usually would because that too is a D&D trope.

But it reminded me of how weird it is that shock humor/gotcha tropes are still going strong when it seems like they're about as shocking as saying good morning to your neighbor.

(As far as the show itself goes, I'll keep watching it. Plot has rolled into town and it seems worth sticking around to see how this band of misfits deals with it. I realize that's a bit tepid as a review, but that's more on me than the show. I kind of expect fiction to somehow shoot itself in the foot, set itself on fire, and fall off a cliff at this point. *eyes Disney*)

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 13

Chapters: 13/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

If someone had asked Martin where he had least expected to be on the day after his thirtieth birthday, the veterinarian probably wouldn’t have been at the top of his list, but it definitely would have made the top ten.

Honestly, Martin didn’t think he had ever stepped foot into a vet clinic before in his life. He had never owned so much as a pet hamster, and now here he stood, clutching a tiny ball of mewling fluff and trying not to get distracted by the pet toys.

He felt positively inundated with new information on all sides. There were about a million different types of pet food lining the walls, and everything seemed to be a new bright colour to draw his distracted eyes. Warning signs that made very little sense to him filled the space, most memorably ‘Large birds must be kept leashed at all times inside the practice’, and ‘Reptiles need to be secured inside their travel enclosures.’

There was indeed an iguana in a massive glass enclosure sunning itself under a heat lamp, but it appeared to be a permanent resident, not a guest. Seemingly opposite to this was the massive tabby cat draped across the reception desk.

Martin begins to panic slightly.

He desperately wished he had allowed one of his lovers to accompany him, but he had sent Gerry back to bed to sleep and Jon had been shooed off to work, both quite thoroughly hung-over.

Now here he stands, alone with his new fluffy friend, and doesn't even know where to start. Neither of his partners have ever actually had a kitten before, but at least they had both owned cats before.

Gerry had been adopted by Saturn as a full-grown boy when he arrived at the window of his shitty little flat in Edinburgh and demanded to be let in. Gerry had confessed to a romantic feeling of instant affection for the fluffy beast and had taken Saturn in without a moment’s hesitation. They had moved together as he traveled the country, eventually settling together in London, where he had found Jon again.

Jon had been raised with several cats that had all been born before him and had liked them, but he had told Martin once that he heavily associated cats with his Grandmother and his slightly cold upbringing. That was all the pet experience he had until he met Saturn and fell in love with him as easily as they’d both fallen in love with Gerry. Like goth, like feline companion, apparently.

Nevertheless, Saturn did not appreciate being taken to the vet and had never gone once since Martin had met him.

"Can I help you, sir?" A kind-looking older lady sat at reception, and she beaconed Martin forward gently.

"I- I-" He started, stuttering badly. He closed his eyes and shook himself to dispel the unfortunate remnant of his childhood. “I found this kitten, and I was hoping the vet could check on it for me?”

“And will you be wanting to surrender it into our care?” She asks, tapping away at her keyboard.

“What?” Martin shies away, pulling the cat protectively even closer to his chest.

“You’re more than welcome to keep it, but we do also take in strays if you aren’t able to.” She smiles at him soothingly.

“Oh, I want to keep her please.” Martin flushes a bit. “I already gave her a name.”

The woman smiles at him knowingly. “The vet can see you in 15 minutes then.”

She takes his contact information, and they weigh Martin’s new friend. She guesses the kitten's age to be about 2 weeks and sends him off to sit close to the iguana.

*

An hour later, Martin stumbles out the door, armed with more supplies than he could ever have imagined he needed to raise one small animal. His head is spinning, alternating between fond adoration and complete anxiety over this new task that he has given himself. Luna meows at him supportively, happy to be clean and have a full belly.

Out on the street, he finds Jon. It’s raining slightly, and he’s wrapped in a long peacoat, with a scarf Martin is certain was once his.

“What are you doing here?” Martin demands, shocked. He stumbles over to his partner, and Jon reaches out to steady him. “I thought you were at the library."

Jon presses a quick kiss to his shocked mouth, before taking several things out of his overcrowded arms.

"I know you said that you were going to do this on your own, but I wanted to be nearby in case you needed me, so I called off." He shrugs a bit, "I reckoned that I had earned it, what with all the overtime I work and don't get paid for."

Martin is filled with warmth, eyes welling a bit. "Oh, Jon."

"Oh no, don't cry. I'm sorry." Jon's face pinches in concern. "I can go if you want me to."

"No, I'm so happy you're here. I was just wishing for you, and there you were. Thank you." Martin steps towards him as best he can, and they kiss softly for a few moments, out in the rain.

In time, the kitten, haphazardly clutched to Martin's chest, makes her displeasure at the soggy conditions known. Gripping hands tightly, Jon and Martin set off towards the bookstore, just a couple blocks over.

It’s quiet when they arrive, the morning pre-work rush over, and the student and lunch crowds far off yet. The two baristas and Tim descend upon them immediately when they see the small head poking out of Martin’s coat. There is much cooing and fuss over Luna, and Martin recounts the tale of discovering her in the back alley of Gerry’s bar.

Once they return to work, Jon and Martin settle on one of the sofas, a coffee table before them. They make up a small cat bed, which Luna explores for a few moments, before sitting at the edge and staring at Martin imploringly. He scopes her up and plops her inside, before placing the tiny bed right in his lap. She happily passes out after that, the wild adventures of the morning catching up with her little kitten body.

Deciding to truly have the day off, Jon does not take out his laptop and start working on it, instead ordering their tea, picking a book to read from the store, and bringing it all over to settle with his partner.

“Thank you for coming,” Martin tells him, a soft look on his face. He leans an elbow on the back of the couch, head resting on his fist. “I didn’t even realise how much I needed you until I saw you there.”

“I know,” Jon starts, frowning in concentration, “that I’m not always the best at sensing these things, that sometimes I can be too focused on myself and the things going on in my head. I do hope that I always manage to catch the important moments, and I trust that you’ll always let me know when I don’t.”

Jon pauses, and sighs, a self-deprecating smile lining his face. He continues, “I want to learn to be who you need me to be. I want to be for you, what you always are to me. I love you, Martin.”

“I love you too, Jon.” Martin squeezes Jon’s hand, before placing a sweet kiss in his palm. “You are exactly who I need you to be.”

It is a soft, hazy sort of day. The rain pours outside, and Jon lies against Martin and reads two books before lunchtime. Martin practices bottle-feeding Luna, every few hours, and Jon sits nearby watching nervously. He wonders vaguely if his partner is alarmed to be around an infant of any kind for a while, but on the third feeding, Jon seems to rouse himself and offers to give it a try.

Each time a new client comes in, there's a round of cooing and petting, and Martin worries that she’ll be spoiled rotten in no time. He imagines that if she spends much time here, he’ll have to sell cat treats and Luna will one day be as fat as a house.

At one point, Jon starts to read aloud, and Martin seems to fall asleep gently propped against his shoulder. He wakes to find Jon laughing softly and Luna learning to use him as a climbing frame.

"I think she likes you, love," Martin whispers into his hair.

"Well, I think I might like her too," Jon confesses, a world away from his scepticism of just this morning.

After lunchtime, Gerry flies into the store very manically, clutching a very strange backpack to his chest. It has a weird clear window, reminiscent of a ship’s porthole, and the rest of it is hard structured plastic.

He ducks down to kiss first Martin, then Jon, before thrusting the backpack into Martin's hands.

"What is this?" Martin asks, holding it away from himself as if it might bite.

"It's a cat backpack. Saturn has always preferred it to a normal cat basket, and I thought it might be useful if we need to take her to work with us and then back to various flats." Gerry walks around the table, bodily picking up Jon's legs and sitting beneath them. He looks like nothing so much as a large, damp bat, black trench coat flapping around him like over large wings. "I ordered her one of her own, but it won't be here for a few days, so I brought Saturn's in the meantime."

There's a beat of shocked silence, so Gerry adds, "Only if you want it, obviously."

"I- I do, thank you." Martin can feel himself blushing with odd pleasure.

He had made sure to ask them if they were okay with Martin keeping Luna, but he hadn't really expected them to embrace the situation with such gusto, and his heart burns with an odd intensity at their gestures of support.

It's almost-

It's almost like they love him, and care about all the things he cares about.

Martin sits, staring at a cat backpack, and allows the realisation to wash over him. It hits him like a tidal wave, despite the dozens and maybe hundreds of times they've said the words to him.

He feels very foolish, left floored by the fact that his lovers- well, that they love him!

Martin knows, understands even, that he has been left slightly broken by his father leaving, his mother hating him, the things that he chose to do to survive in his early adulthood. He does understand that, and yet he never realized that he was hearing Jon and Gerry say they love him and saying the words back, and yet subtly holding on to the (clearly mistaken) understanding that they don't really mean them.

It makes a sick kind of sense, clinging to the idea that they don't really care about him, so when they decide that they don't anymore, it doesn't leave him broken beyond repair.

Martin puts the cat bag down on the table, hands Luna to Gerry, and gets up. He waves at them reassuringly when they try to ask him what's wrong, before walking to the bathroom, locking the door, and sobbing like a child for several long moments.

*

As Luna grows, she spends time with each of them.

Gerry takes her most of the first nights, feeding her through the evenings and then handing her back to Martin as he leaves for the bookstore.

This means she spends quite a lot of her formative life in a bar, but when Martin goes in to check on them, he finds Gerry's plastered clientele just as enamored with the kitten as his own tea-drinking patrons.

Jon likes to have her in the late afternoons, keeping her at the library for a few sleepy hours before he leaves for the day. He tells Martin once that the children's reading group comes in during that time, and he likes to sit in with them and let Luna listen along.

The children, of course, adore her and Jon tells Martin very primly, "Listening comprehension is a very important skill in a developing infant."

Martin finds it hilarious and adorable and can't help but pull Jon into his arms and kiss him breathless, an unimpressed Luna trapped between them.

Saturn does not appreciate Luna at first, disappearing in a huff the first few times Martin brings her over to the studio.

"Don't worry about it, love." Gerry had waved away his concern casually. "He's just a jealous baby. He'll figure out that she wants to play with him eventually, and then they'll be the best of friends."

Indeed, Martin walks into the kitchen one morning to find the two cats curled together in a shaft of sunshine. Saturn is gently giving her a bath, and Luna purrs sweetly at the attention.

When Saturn notices him watching, he untangles himself, shows Martin his bum, and then disappears. He's reminded of nothing so much as Gerry himself, caught eating ice cream for breakfast, or smoking during the day, an activity he would insist is a nighttime pursuit only. The same drama is employed as a distraction technique, and Martin wonders whether the cat learnt it from the goth, or the goth learnt it from the cat.

Luna grows and settles, and Martin adores having her more than almost anything.

He takes the time, as they raise her, to force himself to accept his life for what it truly is. He puts aside the constant nagging fear that Jon and Gerry will lose interest in him one day and begins to notice all the ways they show him they love him, which makes the words all the more precious to him when they take the time to tell him.

[solacefruit]

For the ask meme, 3) and 17), please? And maybe 25) if you're up to it? Irrelevant but I'm the Tormentil- missing/Harrierpaw ruddles from Ailuronymy – I love your writing too, it's amazing! (I'm very excited for a potential Riverclan full-length story, like MAMS, at some point – even if I have to wait quite a while)

Hello there! Thank you so much for saying so, that’s lovely to hear. Please don’t hold your breath for a Riverclan novel, though! It’s not even on my concept list at this point and there’s a lot of other stories, including full-length ones, I’m going to be attempting first. So it’s not impossible for me to write a Riverclan one--it would be pretty neat to have a novel for each clan--but I can’t promise it’ll ever happen at this stage. Maybe! But also maybe not. It’s a mystery for me too.

Now on to your questions!

Send an ask: get to know the author.

3. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favourite scenes first? Something else?

For all my Warriors work so far, I’ve written from beginning to end. In part that’s just because of the episodic nature of chapters, but also I’d say that’s my default approach for all my writing. When I get into original fiction--and especially big original fiction, novel-length work--I expect I’ll be taking a much more flexible approach, probably jumping around based on the vibe sometimes, but I like linearity because the first draft is really just getting the building blocks on the page. After that point, then you start really sculpting and being clever with it and moving bits around once you have a sense of the whole.

But for me, I think that first stage is more about getting a clarity of purpose and a rough outline--and that can be done pretty well with front-to-back writing. 

17. If you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Don’t sweat it. That stuff you think is important is completely not important at all. You’re doing all this nitty-gritty obsessive researching and “world-building” pointless, mundane aspects of the world because you: 1. are procrastinating actually writing; 2. have been tricked into thinking that’s what the “good” “serious” fantasy writers do, because that’s what a lot of boring old guys you don’t even like to read do and brag about, and you’re still believing can’t be a good fantasy writer without that, because that’s the popular image of a fantasy writer; & 3. are scared if you’re not perfect and exact in every detail, people are going to tear your writing apart for being “inaccurate” or making a mistake. 

That’s no way to live. You don’t like doing it, really. You’re trying to preempt criticism from people who weren’t ever going to like your writing anyway, and I think you know that. You’re trying to imitate authors you don’t even want to write like, because you think what they write is kind of boring and flat and it’s really straight and you sort of hate it, but you feel you should since it’s what’s “right”.

But you’re not being authentic to yourself, or your vision, or your talent, or what you want to write, and you should be. 

It’s really not your fault you feel this way, but you’re going to be so much happier when you realise this version of a fantasy writer is all total hokum and not your style and instead start writing what you want to, the way you want to. People are really going to like what you’re bringing to the table. It’s going to set you apart and you’re going to love writing fantasy that’s a bit weird and kooky and self-indulgent and fun and queer and all the things those old books just aren’t. 

I can’t stress how liberating it will be to put on heart-shaped pink sunglasses and decide that the most important thing your writing has to be is genuine and fun for you. You never wanted to write realist fiction anyway. Secondary worlds forever. 

25. Copy-paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of.

I thought about it for a bit because something I never do here is share any poetry I write, despite writing a decent amount of it. Partly that’s just not this blog’s audience, but also a lot of it I hope one day to put into publication, if only in a little chapbook. That said, I wrote this a while back on commission for someone’s character who was deathly ill and his lovers left behind, so I don’t mind sharing it now. It’s a tanka set (5-7-5-7-7, a bit like a haiku). 

summer has four hands,  he remembers, and twenty  loving fingertips-- and it doesn't end, ever;  it lasts a lifetime--at least, in his heart--even as his own fingertips grew slow and cold, his hands too weak to return a touch, to reach out and hold on, to find comfort in their  warm skin and promise them that he would be okay: each new winter weighed him down with the too-familiar  tiredness of a body with not quite enough life in it, like a garden under the frost, cold and withdrawn at the edges of the leaves, waiting for a sunrise that isn't coming. The ground, he remembers, was solid as stone under the snow that last winter, a final  cruel laugh from the world, as though giving him to the  earth--as though burying a lover--was not hard enough for them already-- but it was a pain that time alone could heal; so he waited, in the place so near and so far away, until the seasons moved once more and time brought them to his open hands, ten fingertips made of light, never to let go again. when he remembers the living world, he thinks of it better than it  was and forgives it for the brevity and falling snow.

[popcornbutterflymedia]

it’s a little before seven in the evening as i am attempting to begin writing this post on the day a former president has died. in other words, i am winging it and praying it comes out half decent. i have been winging all my the posts for this show, but writing this post about this particular episode at the tail end of the last week is interesting, to say the least.

upon first viewing on iwanttfc, i had already tweeted “consider this the soul of the show.” at this point we’re not even halfway to the entire series. that declaration carries such weight, but this episode did prove to be the soul of the series. this is also the first episode i’ve had a visceral reaction to, beyond the understandable kilig. i was lightheaded, stumped, and on the verge of tears after the first episode viewing, that’s probably why this is taking awhile to put out.

this also feels like an episodic answer to a lot of questions.

max has entered the lion’s den, lost, but with her defenses up. deib was less than prepared to fight back, considering the circumstances, but he was quick to gather his wits about him, pinning max where he is at an advantage. even now, as i am writing it, i feel it - it’s a notch above giddiness, it’s an awareness, it’s pushing the envelope in a way that’s right for their age, but still surprising, and refreshing. it’s the naughtiness of the sly smiles, the role reversal, and the trading of banter, all of them collectively are building blocks to max and deib’s dynamic.

the banter graduates to actual conversation, that, for people who are considered arch rivals, is surprisingly decent, and seemingly cordial. both max and deib give as good as they get, much like a tennis rally where either one refuses to be on the losing end. this amuses to no end, and ups the kilig factor in such an intelligent and substantial way. this is how you know, this part of the series is their story. more on this later.

outside of the boy’s room, the banter becomes a challenge, a daring as represented by a pool table, and the number of games that such table hosts. these pool games between benison’s star player and mindoro’s top billiard player, and pool center fixture, these games are metaphors, with the stakes higher each game, for their rivalry, and their curiosity about each other. more so his curiosity about this slip of a girl who he finds difficult to win against. i daresay, at some point he gave up trying to win, and just gave in seeing her in a different light. deib’s eyes give him away, and as for donny’s eyes, finally doing the work, this is it, and it’s a sight to see, a growth to enjoy.

it’s a given that belle makes donny’s job easier for him. four episodes in, and i am still in awe at belle’s ability to transform. it’s still surprising, how she willingly gets lost in character. i am watching max, but she doesn’t make me forget that i am watching belle. it’s a weird thing i have watching actors in character - i am aware i am watching both the character and the actor wholly and simultaneously, and belle is one of the few who makes me do that with ease.

deib’s mother announces her presence, interrupts the pool tournament shaping up between taguro and sensui.

in front of his mother, deib the star bear, the alpha disappears. he signals for max to leave, and just when she was about to, max is invited to join them for dinner. it is insisted that she join her for dinner. he warns his friend: 'don't say anything that will get us into trouble' prompting said friend, max to wonder, what could she ever say that will put them both in trouble?

at the dinner table, the silence weighs heavy between mother and son. a silence foreign to the lone guest, a silence she attempts to diffuse, by talking about anything other than subjects, as touchy as family, and the like. then again, between this mother and son, the line between touchy and permissible topics of conversation are blurred and fragile.

food! food is a free for all, food is a benign subject. the food's delicious, is it her own recipe? max is genuinely curious ma'am. the woman across the table laughs off such a formal honorific. call her auntie, she says. 'tita' is more like it. 'tita' it is, max decides. not stopping there, max asks if she'd gone to one of deib's games to see his lay ups and three pointers. she regaled him with embellished stories of his reputation, of being an all around star student and an instant friend. this, much to the mother's relief - her son is apparently surrounded by good people. max was able to do all this, when all deib asked of her was to not get both of them, into trouble. just like that, the girl single handedly broke the tension and dispelled the air of formality, in a way no one else has. if that isn't enough of a surprise for deib, max held the door open for him, and granteded him access to his own mother's heart, and let hope spring in his own.

after dinner, we find max and deib in his room, steeped in the assigned work. it's an easy silence between them, proof that from that dinner encounter, something new and beautiful and unnamed grew between them. he pays her his due, and thanks her for not damaging his reputation more in front of his own mother. so he knows how to say thank you, after all, she's surprised...in jest. he allows it. and so insues an exchange of histories, and fears and lessons. she reads him so perfectly, he's supposed to be scared, or condemn her, or banish her from this earth, or whatever it is the deib lhor enrile does to those who get a bit too close for comfort. he, instead allows it, giving her unprecedented access to his friends, his brother, his heart. and his heartbreaks. he dares to get closer himself, in the most physical sense so the curiosity planted at the pool table grew exponentially. that is until she breaks the spell. there is resistance in letting him in, which he knows to hold against her. he wins, and she relents. we learn of a ghost of a past love, a young love. a better player than deib is.

just a note though: for a past love who ghosted her, max boasts of rj being the better basketball player still. this could be true, based on who I am guessing rj is, but consider this: could she be clinging onto the untarnished memory she has of this first love, disregarding the pain she was caused, because straying away from that memory will allow her the space to fall, and that's what she promised herself she would never do? if that's the case, max is just as complex as deib is, maybe even more so.

after knowing her story, he did promise to go up against this ghost of a lover, in a one on one game of basketball and win it for her. someone is making her promises now. that's unsettling.

meanwhile, the barb is winding down as alpha two plus lorde strolls in. they keep it open for the boys who are in for a later night shot of caffeine, sweets, a shot at love perhaps?

art and sweets and flirtatious, funny quips are choice ammunition in this game of love, or something like it. naih's confidence is legendary. she gets away with her boldness because of criza's charm. joao, you know, that boy always makes it work.

tob and michiko are easy, because rhys and kaori make it easy. i understand the visual. I get the chemistry. I swear I get the hype. I have been waiting for this. you all know that. they've only cemented their place in the industry as new partnership, and there are hardly any words for it, a chemistry this strong. theirs is an unspoken connection and sincerity that cannot be taught. they are all that.

it is clear, though, that this is deib and max's story. see, I have been hyping myself up for thst tochiko moment, probably from the time when we still had very little news in the junket about donny and belle. and they did deliver, they did not disappoint. max and deib's chemistry surprisingly captured my heart from the get go, though, especially in this episode (as they should, this is, again, their story anyway). if I was a teenager, I would be fawning over tochiko's eye to eye silent conversation and up to now, I still do to some extent. I'm just older now. give me substantial kilig more than anything any day. give me kilig in context. kilig that opens up the heart. kilig with emotional intimacy.

max and deib in the fourth episode is kilig (just as tob and michiko are), but I can't stress enough, just how much and why. from the entire conversation from the banter to the interaction with the mom to the entire encounter in the room, they aren't trying to make us kilig. it isn't exactly sweet, but you'll reach a point where just the mere act of people wanting to have a conversation with you is life changing, when someone cares enough not to put you in more trouble than you expect, matters so much more. it shows you your worth. and that to me is the sweetest most loving thing ever. that is, even before both of them acknowledge that love between them.

a breakthrough has been reached. walls have been shattered.

the day of their school presentation, the event is met with an air of uncertainty, not for the two's lack of skill, but because two people from separate ends of the social spectrum are to work together, which up to that point is unprecedented.

the presentation started out shaky even for max and deib themselves, but once they got drafted, they had the audience, most of them, at least in the palm of their hands.

'we are all bullies, yet we are also victims. the cycle never ends...because we are all trying to survive this cruel world, trying to succeed, trying to grow. trying to discover who we really are. trying to accept who we really are. trying to be accepted for who we really are...'

this was followed by definitive apologies from both deib, for bullying, and max, for judging, and not necessarily helping to make things better. this prompted the entire community to mingle, and make their own apologies.

a few things about this whole moment:

there is such power in calling things as they are, calling things by their name. 'bully' and 'victim' are such weighted words and there is such a relief in taking responsibility for your disgressions and through that responsibility allowing your victim to embraced their pain guiltlessly.

there is also such power and humility, that while one did not do anything explicit, to stop the cycle, they did not do anything to make things better, easier. there is humility in realising that even as a victim your own pain, might have caused more pain to others.

apologies matter. the word 'sorry' matters. and it matters across the board. while metaphorical apologies are in some ways acceptable, and poetic, sometimes, the simpler, the better. a sincere 'sorry' should suffice. no one is ever too old to apologize.

now, even the sincerest words have parameters that are dictated by how many listen, and how many don't. and that's what we cannot control. there is power in recognizing who you are in the community, and that, especially when you are in a place of influence, you have the power to create change. the power to stop the cycle. there is peace in knowing we've done all that we could to make things better, just like deib had his own moment of reckoning.

as for max, the moment she stepped into that school, she was meant to be a trailblazer, and even at this point, she had been nothing but an agent of change.

I am curious now, how she is changed by the newness of her surroundings and the possibility of a budding love?

everything is well and dandy for everyone else, max and deib even had that little moment by the tables, again with the simple but powerful chemistry. everyone is changing (this is a shoutout to melizza again. every time the camera pans to her, especially when max was speaking at the auditorium, you could sense an internal transformation. she knows the assignment well, huh? )...everyone else, but aimee. I feel sorry for her. it makes me want to know more of her story. what makes her cling to being mean? why the volatility? more than anger, there's curiosity. I feel sorry for her. there's more to be told. breakthroughs open the narrative up for more, newer stories.

this was a fast one to write, but I held off until these last few moments, because it's incredibly triggering and just as healing. more than the kilig I understand and we all enjoy, the real message is the importance of communication, telling people how you really feel. don't let them assume and don't assume they know. it's also important to call things as they are, even if it's ugly, even as it hurts. some days, there is no replacement for a 'sorry,' a genuine apology.

be gentle. be kind. listen. everyone, after all, is a story.