#anyway I'm done rambling it was a strange dream

[aechlys]

I dreamed the whole night of being in a large graveyard and hanging around with both the living and the dead. The overall takeaway was that even if peoples' ultimate causes of death make enough sense, there is still a very "what the fuck though??" feeling sometimes that wants understanding. Like "ok, this killed me but how the fuck did I die??" You can have all the scientific answers in the world but the mind will still grapple with the reasons. Because we are human, you know?

A whole assortment of people were there, it was odd and I also don't like dreaming about the living especially in scenarios like this. But it was also just everyone trying to sort through it out together and that there was still somehow a system and function behind it all despite the appearance of chaos.

And yes you can probably guess who was also there, quietly though.

I spent my time running around this graveyard, chatting with some and helping others, all the while learning what I could. With a person or two keeping to the background almost like guardians as I explored (if you can call it exploring).

It was odd but interesting.

[devochive]

Egress

Jax/Reader [Fem Reader.]

Explicit sexual content. | Also found on my Ao3

tags: sexual coercion, voyeurism, blow jobs, wall sex.

minors dni.

"Listen, just between us two, I believe ya about the.. exit— thing." Jax spoke behind his hand in hurried and hushed flurry of words, eyes mimicking crescents as he blatantly lied to the newcomer. You. 

Being naive and hopeful, your eyes lit up.

Ragatha noticed the mischievous bunny whispering to you and placed her hands on her hips. "Jax! Don't be mean!" The doll recognized that look in his eye and squinted at him. " Y/N, don't listen to Jax. W-Whatever he's saying to you." She scolds.

"Whaaaat?" He threw up his hands in defense but turned back to wink at you before walking away. 

 You were promised an exit, an actual exit. So why did you feel like you were being lied to? Or maybe tricked..? 

"I.. have to find out , even if it is just a trick.. this all a dream anyways so.. it doesn't matter."

You reassured yourself quietly. Footsteps echoing throughed the large and empty corridor that seemed to be leading to a strange , secluded area in the tent. You certainly don't remember this area during Caine's tour. 

 

"Oh, look. You actually made it." Jax was there, and leaning against a wall. His cheshire grin playing on his face. And his sly eyes seemed to linger on your body too long. "Was startin' to think you got lost." He tilted his head a little. 

"Well.. heh, I made it. So.. where's the exit? Did it happen to be a red door? Or was a different color for you? Did it disappear when you looked at it because—" You were rambling, not even aware of the space between you and him closing. He towered over you and your words died in your throat. 

"You done?" Jax stares down at you, he doesn't seem annoyed. Just amused, he knew exactly what he was planning and your naivety was adorable. "Yeah, yeah I'll tell you about the.. exit. But first you have to do somethin' for me sweetness." 

"Like what..?" 

"I think you know what, doll face." His hands rested on his hips, almost to pull your attention to his lower body. And that it did, your eyes fell to his crotch and you caught a glimpse of his bulge outlining his overalls. "You were talkin' so much earlier what happened, huh?" He teased, eyes following yours as you tried to avoid eye contact. 

"I—I .. didn't think, we could do that here." You finally stuttered out, and yet you felt heat pooling at the pit of your stomach. Even in these digital avatars Jax somehow managed to ooze with charisma and charm. Not to mention that shit eating grin that was oddly attractive. 

"Oh, us either. Don't get me wrong we were surprised to find out about.. this too." He gestured and began moving in closer, you instinctively moved back until your back hit the wall. His hand was placed on the wall beside your head. "You scared or somethin'? Look I won't force ya to do anything, actually I'm gettin' pretty bored." His smile dropped in faux disappointment. 

Words seemed to escape you for a moment as you weighed your options and Jax sighed , seeming to back off due to your hesitation. "Well, I guess you don't care about that exit as much as I thought ya did. See ya kid." And just like that he spun around on his heel and started off in the opposite direction. His faux disappointment returning to a smile only when his back faced you. After all, it was only a matter of time before— 

"Wait!" 

Jax's grin only got bigger, "And here I thought you were gonna chicken out." He chuckled and turned around, "Don't worry new stuff, I'll be.. gentle." More or less.

"Wait , wait! Are we— here? What if someone.. sees?" Your eyes darted around, but fortunately it was silent, and not a soul was in sight. Only the echo of your voices were heard, "Nah. Everyones in the main hall, digital feast remember?" 

"Oh, right—" His hand fell onto your shoulder, it was clear he was becoming impatient. "On your knees toots, we don't exactly have a lotta time before they come lookin' for us so let's get to it, yeah?" You fell to your knees and now being face to face with his crotch made your stomach twist in knots. He was big, and he knew it. Your mind was slowly becoming clouded with lust, a feeling that seemed foreign here quickly flooded back into your senses.

"Heh." Jax watched as your eyes seemed to cloud over, he knew that look better than anyone. So he took the initiative and removed him self from his overalls, his thick cock was heavy his in hand. He moved his hips forward and nudged your cheek with the tip. "Best not to keep me waiting sweetheart," His veiny purple shaft seemed to twitch as your lips brushed against the tip. "Nnh. Best not to tease, either." Your lips swallowed up the head, tongue darting against the tip. Inch by inch you were slowly taking him into your hot mouth.. but he was too big, you were barely around the halfway point and you could feel your gag reflex threatening to trigger. 

"Need some help dollface? I know I said I'd be gentle buuutt.. heh, why would I do that?" His hands were on the back of your head now and he slammed his hips toward. Pulling you closer at the same time and auickly bottoming out in your throat.

"Gghck..!!" Your squirmed and gagged on his cock as it filled your throat, your nose was nuzzling his lower stomach. 

"Just like that... there ya go.." His head tilted back a little as he held you in place. 

You could hardly breathe, but damn it. His sudden man handling made your legs press together in need. 

He pulled back, hooded eyes staring down at you. "Hold tight." He smirked before thrusting his hips back and forth, a lewd noise echoed through the hall as he used your mouth like a toy. Grunting and moaning in pleasure softly, all while keeping eye contact. 

For a moment you glanced past him and swore you saw one of Caine's 'all seeing eyes' up in the corner, stationary and staring exactly in your direction. Surely he wasn't.. watching right? "Eyes up, here." His hand suddenly yanked at your hair, before returning to bobbing your head back and forth. "Look at me when I cum, you can do that can't ya?" He spoke in a breathy voice, clearly getting close. You nodded your head as best you could. 

The look of you with drool rolling down your chin and mouthful of his cock was enough to send him over the edge, he held your head in place as he grinded against your face. Ropes of cum filling your mouth.

Desperately you tapped his leg, unable to hold it all in your mouth without nearly choking. He finally back off and slipped out of your mouth with a pop. "Ah-ah." His finger tipped your jaw close and head back a little, "Swallow." 

And you did. 

Even though he seemed nonchalant, standing with his arms crossed he... was still hard. And your core was aching after that, you could feel your garb sticking to your cunt uncomfortably. "Jax.. I.." 

He knew it was coming, he could see it from a mile away. The look in your eye and the way you squirmed was telling enough, "Thought you didn't wanna do this out in the open toots. We should head out, towards the 'exit' you know. This could be your only chance." He taunted, "I.. I know but..! Please can we.. you just.. I.." He couldn't leave you high and dry it wasn't fair. 

"Can I what? Fuck you? You got all hot and bothered after suckin me off sweetness?" He said in a low voice, taking full advantage of your horny state, "Let me hear you say it." 

"I.. want you inside of me, Jax." 

"Heh, and who am I to say no that? Stand up," He demanded and his usually playful voice seemed to drop an octave at the end there. 

You stood up and his hands immediately lifted you from your underarms, holding you up against the wall,  "Wrap those pretty legs around me doll, don't be shy." While in the process of wrapping your legs around him, he reached down to push aside your under clothes and nudge his fat tip at your entrance. and when he was balanced enough he held you up by the plush of your thighs.. angled just right agsinst your core.

"Looks like it'll be a tight fit. But you can take it right?" It wasn't really a question, because his hips began to push forward and the tip bullied its way past your walls, "Hha.. its.. big.. Jax—" 

"I gotcha, relaaxx.. look at that, the way you're, nngh.. sucking me in.. startin' to think this pussy was made me for me." He sighed, and jutted his hips forward forcing a few more inches inside before finally slamming his hips forward and fully bottoming out. You yelped and held him tighter, insides clenching army's him desperately. 

"Sh, sh— you can take it." He coos and moves his hips around while buried so deeply inside of you, nudging at places at that made your head spin. "Please.. move Jax, need to feel you.." You whined and he chuckled in you ear, his grip on your thighs tightening. Finally his hips started to move, in a slow pace at first but he clearly couldn't hold back. 

*Slap, slap, slap.* Your skin colliding echoed in the halls, and the embarrassing sound made you hyper aware of your surroundings for a moment, you held onto to Jax while he pounded into you but your eyes looked past him again. Just for a moment. 

Caine's eyes.. there were three of them now! 

Your core tightened around him at the thought of being watched. Unfortunately for you Jax was a little too aware of your eyes when they weren't on him. Not to mention how tight you just got. 

Without stopping he spun around, holding you and faced the opposite way now, "No wonder you got so tight just now," He laughed looking at the floating eyes in amusement. "You really are somethin'..  get off to be watched." And here he thought this couldn't get any better.  

"No.. nnh.. that's not..!" He slowed his thrusting, then stopped all together. "Oh yeah? Ya gonna keep lyin to me, how about we just stop here— wouldn't want the man himself to see us .. right~?" He cooed and you cursed silently. "T.. That's not fair Jax! Please.." Your cunt clenched around him in need, and he was close to giving in but not yet..

"Then let's hear it, you wanna put on a show don't ya?" His thrusts were slow, tantalizing.. fuck he was doing this on purpose. "Y.. Yes.." You mutteted under your breathe, "Louder." 

"Yes yes!!" 

"See, was that so hard?" And just like that he picked up the pace , thrusting up into you like a jack hammer while hardly breaking a sweat. But he panted and moaned in your ear all the same, "Ngh.." Your legs were tight around his waist and you felt the knot in your stomach about to come unloose, "Yeah, there we go cum on my dick..." You thought he couldn't move faster but he did. Balls slapping your ass he fucked you fast and hard.

"J.. Jax! Jax!" you threw your head back in pleasure as your body finally succumbed to his harsh thrusts, walls clamping down on him violently as you came hard. "Nnh.. yeah, that's it.. take it." He muttered as his he came in near sync with you, his warm seed filling up your cunt. "Hha.. I needed that , thanks toots." He said and chuckled lightly, pulling out of your sopping cunt and lowering your trembling body to the ground so you could collect yourself. 

"The exit..Jax.." You panted out.

"Ohh.. riiight that." He spoke while adjusting his clothes. "I lied." 

"But, you won't hold it against me though, will ya?" 

[fakeusernamelol]

Sorry I'm obsessed with bad ending teen dad stancest--

When Ford leaves home for college he takes Stan with him, Stan thinks it's fine, it's not their boat but it's basically what he used to wants, they're out of jersey and they're okay. Fiddleford asks him what he wants out of life sometimes but that question's made him sick since he was twelve and realized he wasn't smart enough to be much more than a housewife for whatever man he ended up with. Instead he tells Fiddleford he's gonna be a pirate, because it makes him laugh. Then Ford wants to go to Gravity Falls, and Stan's back to being alone with him. By the time they're 27 he's stopped trying to keep his hair short, he makes for a piss poor Ma as far as hes concerned but the twins aren't old enough to get that yet. Bill gets mad at Ford so Ford gets mad at Stan, and Stan sleeps on the floor next to the kids' beds because Ford's better than their father, he won't lay a hand on him in front of the kids, and Stan uses it because hes a conniving coward with a distant look in his eyes that their own Ma used to have.

But then the portal, it drives Fiddleford insane, Fiddleford tells him Ford is dangerous, that he's going to kill them. And Stan didn't believe it until he spent a night barricading a door covered in height marks and crayon while Bill tried to claw his way in and then the next morning when he caught Ford crying in front of the TV, Ford punched him full in the face in front of the twins.

So it was so easy, hitting Ford back for once, shoving him just a little too far and letting the portal take him away, leave Stan with the house and the kids and a new name to inherit and the freedom to cut his hair and get himself the glasses he needed and call himself Stan instead of what Ford called him.

SORRY IF I RAMBLED TOO MUCH IM EATING YOUR DRYWALL I NEED MORE AU--

would that be a win-lost or a win-win?

PLEASE PLEASE DON'T APOLOGISE WHEN YOU ARE GIVING ME EXACTLY WHAT I WANT, I LOVE YOU AND OF COURSE I'M GIVING YOU MORE DEAR ANON you and me are now friends and i don't take no for answer 🤭🤭💖💖💖 Also what a good name for this au, im using it now 😘

(tw: Transphobia, Misogyny, Abuse, a lot of implied noncon yadda yadda you already know where's this going 🤷)

Stanley needed something to hold on to try to survive this new life, it's not exactly what he always dreamed but it's not bad, he has ford and that's all he has always needed, isn't it? He can get used to, come on he has always been seen this way he can get through it.

But when he met Fiddleford those thoughts were becoming harder to support again, a new person, new air and new perspective. Sure he wasn't going to tell him all those crazy thoughts he had because that would make ford mad but he can express a little of it, fidds wouldn't ever know that those jokes were actually his dreams but at least he can say them and think a bit of them every once and then to distract a bit from the real life. Maybe... Who knows,maybe one day Ford wouldn't be this harsh with him and he and their kids could still sail the world once he's done with college! Joke's on him, of course they were going to do what ford had in mind and he can't say anything, after all if he's not in the streets is thanks to him so,heh, could be worse. going to miss fidds anyway...

But well, not time for thinking about himself, they are already grown adults and since he's not getting a job the least he can do is be a good as possible mom for their already 10-year-old twins. Ever since they've been in Gravity Falls, Stan can swear that he's seen all kinds of strange creatures but Ford seems delighted with it and only times he doesn't talk to him in a rude tone is when he says something about them so, it's not that scarier as it was the first times. He doesn't quite understand what Ford is actually doing with that information, but after that he goes to the basement and warns him and the kids to stay away from this as possible, and he's going to obey for his own sake.

...At least as much as he can because things are becoming even weirder, he has seen Ford obsess over an investigation before, but this time he seemed to be going genuinely crazy, not all bad tho, at least fidds was back again and having a new face in the place was genuinely a good thing for him, sure he was here for working but anyway stan would try to sneak up on them like bringing them something to drink after a long day of work in the basement, Ford wasn't so harsh when Fiddleford was around so he wasn't so scared to do that and share a few words with a good friend not knowing that ford would make him pay for that later.

« what did I tell you about going down the basement, [ ] ? You have your things upstairs with the kids. »

It was fine, he deserved it. He has never said anything about Ford's abuse, because ever his teenhood he knows he deserves it, He only knows how to screw things. Maybe if he hadn't broken that stupid machine ford would change his mind but he had to fuck it. Yes, he sometimes still daydreams about a world where ford could accept him, a world where ford would hug him often and not hurt him again and maybe, a world where he calls him stanley for once... but time has passed and his hope has faded away, Now he just wishes that thoughts to leave his mind once for all.

Suddenly things get worse. «they could?» it seems to be.

Ok, sleeping in the kids room wasn't so bad, sure the floor was cold and he only had a blanket in order to not die of hypothermia but at least he had his kids near him and that was fine, ford wouldn't try to make something to him with them near. Now, seeing the eyes of that friend he always thought of like a kind of safe place full of fear and warning him of such an unthinkable danger for him what's indeed something he would never forget and fuck shouldn't do it. He thinks he knew what Ford was capable to do, sure he's angry with him ever since and his touch is not the gentlest, but stan didn't think he would go so far as to endanger himself, much less his children... Seems like everything he thinks is really just bullshit, he says to himself while using his body to lock the door of the kids room while hearing those strange creepy laughs and scratches from behind the door.

Ok so things are going to be dangerous now, but the next morning when he sees ford crying with his hands in his face and his legs on the floor he gets second thoughts, something was wrong with ford, he don't get what but maybe he could...

So you know, Stan has endured a lot of things ford has done: the words, the insults, the abuse, the punches, the constant contempt and more but punching him in front of their kids was enough.

For the first time ever since that night in the bathroom floor stan had enough of ford and didn't even think twice before giving him the punch he has always deserved it. Not punch, punches.

HE was angry, HE was tired, and not even the cries of his little children in the background had made him stop while Ford tried, like the coward he really was, to flee from him when he saw that this time his blows were not saving him.

Funny, stan thought, « I always protected ya' from Crampelter and his herd, no matter what. Ya' we're afraid of givin' them a good punch but what about me, sixer? Are ya' scared of me now? »

Stanley was stupid, but he was stronger, even if ford has always despised him for being born as a woman, HE was stronger than him and for once he wasn't scared of his rejection.

But.. sure he didn't expect what happened next. He has never seen what he and fidds were doing in the basement and now, he knew it even less.

He was angry but fuck he didn't mean that! Why does everything have to be so complicated towards Ford? Fuck!

...On the bright side, those 30 years will serve Stanley well to realize everything that his brother held him back from for years, guess who's the one being welcomed with a punch in the face here. 😗

So, you can say the bad ending au got a good ending? Lol 🙆

[oshinohoshi]

I wrote a little Oshi no Ko fanfic. Warning: SPOILERS post ch 163 below.

Today has been a hard day for those of us in the OnK community who've read the next chapter leak so I wrote this to cope. I can't claim it to be IC at all but anyway, here it is:

The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is an unfamiliar ceiling. No, that's not quite right. When his eyes come into better focus he spots a hairline crack running a few inches down from the light fixture, perhaps made when it was installed. He used to look at it sometimes after Ai tucked them in for story time.

It reminded him of the sterile hospital room where Sarina lived out the remainder of her life. Had she ever torn her eyes from the hodgepodge of Ai merchandise carefully arranged on her bedside table to look up, longing to see the ceiling of her room back home?

It takes a few moments to remember. The knife. His dad's twisted expression as they fell. The bone cold chill of the sea. The burning sensation in his lungs.

Aqua sits up and clutches at his stomach, expecting to see the sheets stained in red when he looks down, but both his shirt and the bedding are clean. There's no pain, either.

Aqua looks to his right. Oh. It's just another carefully crafted dream. There she is, sitting by his bed on a chair dragged in from the kitchen, her head lolled to the side in what looks like quite an uncomfortable sleeping position.

The room is exactly as he remembers. B Komachi posters are tacked to the walls and Ruby's pink stuffed bunny is propped up against the pillow on her bed across from him. Aqua casts a cursory glance at his surroundings before studying his mother's sleeping face. She looks very realistic. Tsukuyomi got every detail just right.

Ai twitches and then sits upright, blinking sleepily. Their eyes meet.

"Aqua!"

Ai all but hurls herself from her chair, wrapping her arms around his torso and pulling him into a crushing hug. Aqua makes a noise of protest.

"Ai, that's a little tight."

Ai doesn't reply, she just hugs him harder. Her shoulders start to shake. Aqua's arms remain limp on the bed. He can't bring himself to hug her back. He failed her. He couldn't save her and he couldn't even fulfill her final wish.

The seconds tick by until she finally lets go. She blinks back tears. That's strange. Ai doesn't cry. Maybe Tsukuyomi thought this would be more affecting.

"Your hair's gotten long." Ai brushes her fingertips over his bangs. "I could cut it for you."

"Okay." Aqua nods.

"Are you hungry?" Ai asks. "I've been practicing cooking. I hardly ever burn things these days, except yesterday when I got distracted and forgot I had rice on the stove. I really should get a rice cooker."

Ai's tone is as cheery as ever. She's rambling. Aqua cuts her off.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

There's an awkward silence. Ai stares unblinkingly at him like she's trying to memorize every detail of his countenance. It makes Aqua uncomfortable so he looks down at his lap. His fingers clutch at the sheets.

"I'm sorry," he says. What a stupid thing to say. "Sorry" doesn't change anything. "Sorry" is a selfish word.

"For what?" Ai's eyes still haven't left his face.

"For not protecting you." He's thought it a thousand times since it happened but never said anything like it aloud.

Ai's laugh makes him look up. The laugh doesn't quite reach her starry eyes.

"I'm your mother. I'm supposed to protect you. It's me whose sorry."

Aqua opens his mouth to protest but stops himself. How could he possibly explain why a toddler should have been able to stop a deranged stalker? It's not a conversation he's ready for, even in a fictional reality.

"Then I'm sorry for—"

This time it's Ai who cuts him off.

"What's done is done. I don't want to hear you saying that." Her mouth turns downward, a grim line.

"But Ruby and Miyako and..." He can't bring himself to list the rest of them. He doesn't want to picture the sort of face Kana will make when she realizes he'll never be able to give her an answer.

Ai's hand finds her way to one of Aqua's, gently loosening his white-knuckled grip on the sheets. Her hand is small and warm when she wraps it around his.

"Aqua." He's never heard her sound so serious. He forces himself to meet her gaze.

"I've had a lot of time to think," Ai says. "There's nothing to do here but think." Ai wrinkles her nose, seeming to find the idea distasteful. "I've thought about what I wish I'd done differently. How I could have been a better mom. Things I should have said but couldn't. Or didn't."

Since when did Ai talk to him like she's speaking plainly from the heart? He's really going to need to tell Tsukuyomi this isn't an accurate depiction at all.

"Aqua." She says his name again, almost plaintively. As if she's the one asking for forgiveness.

"If I could have come back and fixed everything for you, I would have. If I could make this easier for them... for Ruby..." Ai's voice falters and her grip on Aqua's hand tightens momentarily. "She will pick herself up and continue to live. They all will. I believe that."

Aqua looks at Ai in disbelief. How can she say that? Ruby will pick herself back up? Look what happened when she thought her beloved sensei was gone. If this is supposed to be easing his guilt, it's not.

"She has Miyako," Ai adds gently. He's not sure if she's trying to convince him or herself. "I'll really have to thank her one of these days."

Aqua doesn't want to think about this anymore. He's ready for the dream to be over. He gently extracts his hand, ignoring the somewhat crestfallen look on Ai's face, and looks at the door.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Ai asks, following his gaze.

"Yeah," Aqua replies tersely.

Maybe he needs to leave the room for it to end. Aqua swings his legs over the side of the bed. Before Ai can stop him, he's already in the hallway of his childhood apartment. Ai calls after him, asking where he's going, but he doesn't turn back.

Aqua strides down the hall, yanks open the front door, and steps outside. He blinks and shields his eyes from the sun. The walkway is empty. The view of the city from Ai's high-rise apartment is just as he remembers. That stupid crow girl is nowhere to be seen.

Ai is by his side again, watching him worriedly. It begins to sink in. Aqua turns to her. He forgot how short she was. Even in this body, he can see the top of her head.

"Are we...?" Aqua can't bring himself to say the word "dead."

"Yep!" Ai smiles brilliantly.

"But Tsukuyomi said you were gone. That your soul returned to the stars and the sea." It sounds odd when he says it, like a line from a play.

"Tsukuyomi?" Ai is stumped until she remembers the glimpses she got of her children's lives. "Oh! That strange little girl who kept following you around. She's a bit of a menace, isn't she."

Aqua didn't think he could laugh but he does. A short, strained laugh.

Ai shrugs nonchalantly. "Maybe she lied." Her smile is back in place: brilliant, dazzling, real.

"Come on," Ai says. "I'll make you something. I promise not to burn it."

Ai heads back down the hall, disappearing into the kitchen. Aqua steps inside, shutting the door behind him. His gut twists uncomfortably. It's almost worse than the pain of the knife. He can picture the anguished sobs when they find his body.

Aqua doesn't think he can eat but he doesn't want to disappoint his mother and he has a lot of questions that need to be answered. He takes a deep, shaky breath to compose himself before following Ai to the kitchen.

[future-dregs]

Alright I'm just gonna go ahead and ramble on for a little bit about a fic I read last night cause I've been thinking about it nonstop since and it made me dream about pregnant Dean all night.

So when I started the fic it had some stuff tagged that I wasn't really into (a/b/o, forced pregnancy) but I figured I could uhh get in get out get off before all that happened because it did have the thing I was looking for (lactation on Dean's part and the pickings for that are slim). Well, I couldn't, and it wouldn't have mattered anyways because I was hooked on the story (did not realize it was incomplete until too late but it ended well enough). (I do want to say that the fic was tagged well, and I'm not trying to complain about or drag the author, I was given a heads up and I decided to read it, a genre who's rules I'm not familiar with, so I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to sort out how I feel and why its sunk into me so)

And its difficult because it was GOOD, it was written well, but Sam especially was acting so strange. I guess he was taken over by his alpha hormones but still. He wants to have a baby with Dean so badly, but Dean very adamantly does not want this and has a three tiered system to keep himself from getting pregnant and he will not talk with Sam or elaborate on why he doesn't want this which Sam doesn't understand because as an omega he's supposedly hardwired to want babies and once he has one he'll be happy about it and Sam wants one (or six) so badly so why NOT?

But Dean says no and he's been saying no so Sam ends up swapping out his birth control for placebos and pricking holes in all the condoms.

.....sam....

Now, the author did not finish the story, and though the author did start setting things up so that there would be a consequence, as it stands no one finds about what Sam has done. Dean thinks the birth control failed the one time he let Sam hit it raw (he was already pregnant at that point it was just early and he didnt know it yet), not that he was raped dozens upon dozens of times.

So Sam gets his baby and Dean starts getting swamped by omega hormones and wanting another one and begins to start working through his trauma around pregnancy and children and the story ends.

What trauma? Well, when Sam was at Stanford, Dean got pregnant by some rando in bar and had a baby girl. Who died. Months later. SIDS. And naturally he's fucking distraught by this and he didnt even have a picture or birth certificate or anything cause he gave birth in a fucking motel so of course he doesn't want to go through that again and does everything he can to prevent it. And Sam doesn't find this out until months away from Dean's due date cause Dean DIDNT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT and he doesn't wanna keep the baby cause he's terrified of finding it dead but Sam is livid because that's their baby and how could Dean possibly expect him to be okay with them giving it up ect ect ect.

But when Sam does find o uh t why Dean has been so upset this whole time, he's shocked. Which like, yes its suprising but c'mon man extrapolate! Obviously SOMETHING happened you dont know all about but he's just like I've been Dean's only alpha so he's just being difficult and stupid no reason.

Anyways when does all come out Dean is a wreck, he's sobbing and distraught and Sam is just like "well it'll be better this time and then you'll feel better" and freaking out that somebody else's Dean baby might be running around out there in the world ......motherfucker 😑

Dean of course says no, that years later it still hurts just as much as it ever has and he doesn't want to go through this again Sam but Sam manages to soothe him somehow and Dean has the baby and of course loves it and happily ever after.

And of course it ended before Dean found out WHY he got pregnant in the first place so he IS happy (though he's still not sleeping hardly at all cause he's watching the baby the whole time to make sure he keeps breathing)

And I had more questions, anatomy wise, but this isnt a genre I'm familiar with, I dont know the rules so I'll just keep them to myself I think though I will say one thing-

Once Dean got pregnant his scent changed, okay makes sense. Only alpha's could smell it, sure. And it drove them nuts and made them want to mate him, WAIT.

Now again, this isnt a genre who's rules I know, but shouldn't pregnancy scent be offputting? There's another alpha's baby growing in this person, so shouldn't it be like...anger inducing, rather than an aphrodisiac? Like, I realize these are people not animals but its pulling from animal behavior right? So in some animals, another males babies are sometimes either ostracized or outright killed by the new male leader so a pregnant omega should either be so marked up and claimed so as to be off limits and almost invisible to other alphas, or the added scent of the baby should make other alphas more hostile, even if they don't act on it or want to behave in this way. It's too late to breed this person, so why does it make them want to do it even MORE now?

Idk I think because the fic is incomplete its sticking with me so much, because I'm imaging how it COULD turn out? Idk. It's only been a night, but I've been gnawing on this nonstop so I wanted to talk about it a bit.

[cain-e-brookman]

Word Find Tag

thanks for the tag @spideronthesun! sorry i'm so late with it!

Rules: Search for the given words in your story. If your story doesn't have a word, you can use a variation on it or a word with a similar meaning.

My words were: STORY / DANGER / ENDLESS / YOUTH

Tagging: @illarian-rambling @seastarblue @topazadine @eternalwritingstudent @orphanheirs @mrbexwrites & anyone else who wants to do it!

Your words are: BREATH / LIGHT / HURRY / BREAK

STORY

“Odd man,” Uthyr’s mother would add many years later, as she retold the story and wrapped the bracelet around Uthyr’s wrist. “Don’t know why he seemed so sure you were a boy. We’d gotten a whole slew of witches letting us know you were—without a doubt—going to be a daughter.” Uthyr fiddled with the weaving. Neither of his parents lived long enough to know the man had been right about him being a son. He hadn’t taken the Second Moon’s blessing of change until long after his mother’s pyre had cooled. Often wondered how the man had known.

DANGER

Coldness ran down Uthyr’s neck. Who was he to deserve the faith? No one. Just a heartbroken and hollow man who lived with shadows and desperation for love he wouldn’t have—or have again. A witch who commanded no elements, no grand spells. Quiet and cowardly. He’d frozen in place at the first sign of danger. Alma had done more to help. But the shame of letting them down was eclipsed by the need to comfort, so he forced his lips into the shape of a smile and gently gathered the creatures in his arms, standing. “That’s right. It’s what we witches do, isn’t it? Now let’s get you both somewhere safe. It’s not long before the rain starts again. You need to stay dry. And hidden, probably. There’s a lot in this world that can harm you. It’s not like your home. You’ll need to rest too. I—” Uthyr choked on his words, swallowed hard, and stuttered into the rest of his sentence. “I-I’ll find somewhere for you to go. Will you need to eat? Gods…”

ENDLESS ETERNAL

He curled into his bed with nothing but a light blanket around his shoulders. The night didn’t have enough bite to need more this far into the season as daylight hours grew long. Outside, his wind-chimes danced to their own song. The last thing on Uthyr’s mind as he drifted to sleep was the towering sea stacks on the coast, covered in green, watching the shore like eternal protectors.  In his dreams, a man lifted a child from his shoulders onto their tops.

YOUTH

Across the fire, Uthyr sized [Alma] up. She was short, plump, and soft on all angles. Sporadic stubble peppered along her tanned chin and cheeks, shorn tight much like the hair on her head. Her eyes were a glimmering blue; a summer sky and just as clear. A dart of a scar cut into the edge of her bottom lip. Fifteen, Uthyr thought. An infant.  There was a strange and heavy air about her, though. A weightiness in one’s middle. Uthyr had felt the same thing in Uensine’s realm. Finality. Mortality. It hung on her like her heavy robes. Despite her youth, she was an acolyte of The End. Uthyr couldn’t imagine what drew her to such a life. It clashed with the bounce in her shoulders as she spoke of a boy in the village that held her home temple.

BONUS:

I messed up and read "good" and thought it as one of my words then was disappointed that I couldn't share the one I picked. But then I realized no one can stop me from sharing anyway, this is my post, so:

GOOD

Crucius drew in a heavy breath. Slowly, he leaned forward in his chair, raised his eyebrows, and—as serious as the grave—said: “Would my putting on pants make you more okay or less?” The sharp surprised laugh that broke from Uthyr’s lips escaped as a damn traitor. The tension shattered, then reformed as the mosaic that made their strange partnership. He hated not being able to stay cross with Crucius. “I think I would be more okay if we were both clothed,” he admitted, his eyes misting with too many emotions to name, but the embarrassment of his bareness racing to be felt first. “Pants are a good start, though.”

[presidentheartbeat6]

The Temeraire Playlist...

Hi. Hello. I am here today to ramble on about the music I've got on my temeraire playlist.

My music taste is. Strange. Blame my dad.

GRAND NEW SPIN (GOLD CELESTE): Starting out strong with a song that reminds me of willzing. There are! A lot of these!!! On here. You have been forewarned.

Anyways I think this is from Tharkay's perspective. "A longing for things to begin" (Ok but pining Tharkay. methinks.) / "A place where truth is not a sin" (THEIR HOME!!!! POST CANON!!!!!!!!! yea guess what the truth part is I dare you. I'll give you a hint its their GAY LOVE)

MEDICINE (LOVING): Will Laurence.

"You felt for the words like the wings of a bird, riding the winds of a dark form you heard" (!!!!! TEMRER!!!!!!!!!) / "A voice speaking low, it said 'I swim the deep waters, dreams are my eyes, deeper than blue'" (this but.. Tharkay.. dreaming about blue eyes..)

And then the last few lines are. Laurence to Tharkay & Granby :,)

TWO FOR NERO (EVERYTHING EVERYTHING): Ok so I can't put an everything everything song and NOT talk about it. Fair warning I'm crazy insane about this song. Like wild. My blog name is actually based on the everything everything song called (you guessed it) president heartbeat.

Now this song. Starts out a little strange. You're like 'where are these guys going with this???' And then about halfway through. You get to. The Part. You'll see what I mean. Pllllss tell me what you think about this song I'm so curious if it's just a me thing or what.

Anyways... this song is soo. Will Laurence. But specifically it's Granby talking about him.

"We met inside a war zone" / "And you never tell me anything, you never tell me anything" (EARLY BOOKS LAURENCE POV, HIM & GRANBY WHEN HE'S STILL FIGURING OUT THE CORPS. HEAVY BREATHING.) / "I can't remember dates and times, and I'm sorry for the years I was a shipwreck boy" (Laurence POV amnesia arc. Yeha.) / "I'd rather dash myself up on the rocks, than see you waste away your day with clocks, in every corner of your parent's home" (amnesia arc granble POV gheaaauugh) / "And there's no world war coming in, all the reasons I've been worrying, just forget the parts you'll never need, all these things I'll tell you when you wake up" (SO FUCKED UP SO FUCKED UP SO FUCKED UP. hahahaha Point of View: Granby when his best friend loses all memory of him lol hahaha!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!)

MAKE A CHIIIIIILD. AAA CHIIIILLDDDDD. AAAA FOOORREEEESTTTTT.

ok sorry I'm done. there are even MORE lyrics that relate to them in this song than the ones that I listed btw. some ODDLY specific ones too. I wish I could listen to this song for the first time again.

DRAGON EYES (ADRIANNE LENKER): no this is definitely not just on here cuz dragon is in the song name how dare you. anyways this song is sososoooo willzing.

Just think like ... tharkay's perspective..... "When the hot sand burns my feet, you have cool hands, you are sweet" / "As the coastline is shaped by the wind, as we make love and you're on my skin, you are changing me, you are changing me" / "I just want a place with you, I just want a place" (do I even need to say it?!!?? ok fine. their house. post canon.)

IN OUR BEDROOM AFTER THE WAR (STARS): dare I say Tharkay Laurence Granby friendship.........

"It's us, yes, we're back again, here to see you through, 'til the days end" (YEAH. YEAH. GRANBY AND THARKAY @ LAURENCE.) / "She's gone, she left before you woke, as you ate last night, neither of you spoke" (beautiful awkward early day willzing) / "And if you lost it all, and you lost it, well we'll still be there when your war is over" (AGAIN!!! THEM AT LAURENCE!!)

TO GO HOME (M. WARD): GRANBY & LITTLE>???>?>?>? finally a song NOT about Laurence. except this could probably still be about Laurence if u squint.

"Sailing on a sinking ship, into the sunset in day" (poor granble forced onto all those many. long. boat voyages LOL) / "To think I'll have to give it all up someday" (just thinking Abt how they'd never be able to get legally married and even if they do stay together how they'd live their lives in constant fear of being found out) / "And if I ever treated you mean, you know that it was only because, I'm sorry, I couldn't have you for my own"

IN THE AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA (NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL): Tharkay song :3

"What a beautiful face, I have found in this place, that is circling all 'round the sun" (Tharkay inner monologue whenever he sees Laurence) / "What a beautiful dream, that could flash on the screen in the blink of an eye and be gone from me" (the dangers of Laurence dying in the line of duty, etc, etc) "And one day we will die, and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea" (thinking about temeraire spreading their ashes lol lol lol I am laughing so hard rn hahahahaha. spreading them TOGETHER I might add. United even in death) "With one you loved so long ago, now he don't even know his name" (*whispers* amnesia laure- *gunshots*)

SIMULATION SWARM (BIG THIEF): Mmmm yum yum I love this song. It sort of gives me Granby & Laurence vibes.

"O my stars, winged creatures, gathering in silken height" (TEEEMMMERAIIRE! sorry I have to.) / "with the drone of fluorescence, flicker, fever, fill the form" (just thinking about Laurence watching over Granby one of the many times he's seriously injured. siiigh.) / "And you could be my brother, once again fall asleep with our backs against each other" / "I'd fly to you tomorrow, I'm not fighting in this war, I wanna drop my arms and take your arms and walk you to the shore"

TOUGH LOVE (FLYTE, LAURA MARLING): auhgguhgh more willzing feelings. just thinking about their adjustment period after fighting in the war where they're both trying to learn how to Be Normal about being in love. thisssss ssoonnggg gives me Tharkay POV vibes.

"I've been trying to hurt you, I've been holding you tight" (the ultimate paradox, pushing away those you love because you're afraid of it, and being so desperately in love you can't fully make yourself do it.) / "I've been learning to love you, am I doing it right?" / "How are you still breathing, with my hands all over your heart?" (I think that while Laurence is still eons from normal, once he comes to terms with it he's a lot... MORE normal about their romance than Tharkay. Laurence trusts him completely and it is. a little disturbing to Tharkay, perhaps)

THE SMOKE (THE SMILE): ohohohoho. this is a fucking PHENOMENAL song.

"It begs me, while I'm sleeping, I desire a second chance, I set myself on fire" (oh YEEESSSS post treason Laurence yum yum yum) / "Wakes me from my sleep, smoke wakes me from" (MUST I EVEN SAY IT. THARKAY RESCUE MOMENT.)

TRIPOLI (PINBACK): I'm too lazy to make an animatic. but if I WERE going to. it would probably be to this song.

"You know what's gonna happen, you know what's gonna happen, he's gonna go down, and he's gonna come back again" (Tharkay somehow miraculously returning to Laurence over and over and over again. soulmates. attracted to each other but also like LITERALLY physically attracted to each other in a magnet way. idk. SOMETHING.)

FORTRESS (PINBACK): THE EGG HUNTTTTTTT!!! HUNT FOR EGG!!!!! DESERT!!!!!!!!!! LAURENCE THARKAY GRANBY BONDING!!!!!!!!

"You and a test of will, too many fallen, too many failed, nobody move, nobody move" (EGG HUNT111 and. bunyips) / "You and I, uneasy, livid" (OOAUGHHQ!! I just think yk like. being stuck out their in the elements day in and day out. all those horrible conditions. and again, the fucking bunyips. so many stressors.... them all being anxious and snappy with each other... angst soooso good...) / "Stop, it's too late, I'm feeling frustrated, I see no sign of fortress, I see no fortress" (looking for water, looking for the egg, looking to catch a FUCKING break for once) / "Another delay, too many hassles, where do we go? How do we follow?"

WILD WEST (GREGORY AND THE HAWK): I love Gregory and the hawk ssoooososososoooooooooooo much. SSOOOSOSOSOOOOO MUCH. I have sooo many of her songs on my aubreyad playlist... yeehhaANYWAYS this song is. soo. Laurence coded.

"Flightless skies, the fear, the doom, it's no surprise" / "Realize there's no sense in losing your mind before your time, in order not to worry, you write the words down, but it's a fools game" (AMNESIA ARC AMNESIA ARC AMNESIA ARC) / "Rise young sun, you're a tireless one, and you'll be back burning when the morning comes" (LAURENCE LAURENCE LAURENCE)

GET NUMB TO IT! (FRIKO): hahhakjdshnjsh would it be mean to say. John Granby. poor baby darling.

"Tip toe out from the backdoor down to the basement, where your funny faces always made me frown" (sneaking into littles' room...) / "And when I'm down, I'll dance in a fever cold and calm, with a sewn on smile and feet swollen and numb" (poor guy :( the granble <3) / "And it doesn't get better, it just gets twice as bad" (JHBKJNKJNKJN. yeah. he literally Cannot Catch a Break bruh.)

OOKAYY!!!!! thank you for reading WOW congrats if you got all the way to the bottom :DDDDDDD listen to one of these songs and tell me when you think :)))!!!!!!

If anyone ever wants to talk music with me literally ever...... pls. I am so here.

[esuemmanuel]

No seré famoso, jamás lo seré, y no he querido ni he buscado serlo, ése tipo de ambición no me define. De hecho, un sueño que tuve desde pequeño fue publicar un libro y, bueno, ya lo cumplí. Me siento agradecido conmigo mismo por haber trabajado en ello y dejárselo al mundo. Igual a nadie le importa esto que estoy diciendo aquí, pero es algo que, de repente, me dieron ganas de expresar. Escribir ha sido un sueño para mí, una labor mágica y exquisita llena de hermosas satisfacciones y uno que otro dolor de cabeza y corazón, pues no siempre es fácil hacerlo (la hoja blanca es exigente y muy voluble). Sin embargo, y a pesar de algunas lamentables experiencias en las que no voy a ahondar, he amado tanto escribir que me ha dolido el alma en su más íntima raíz. He estado a nada de dejarlo cuando me he dejado abrumar por la voz de la ambición que no tengo, pero que veo en los demás escritores. Todos (o la gran mayoría) hacen lo imposible por lograr estar en un pedestal, trabajan por el éxito y por los números que anhelan que les lluevan en la cartera. Todo eso me causa un extraño malestar y me orilla a cuestionarme la verdadera razón que lleva a un ser humano a tomar la pluma y escribir… ¿Qué nos hace escribir? ¿Qué nos motiva? ¿Qué nos mueve? ¿La fama, la fortuna, el éxito o el simple amor al arte? Y si bien sé que la vida cuesta, que nada es gratis y que, si deseamos algo, debemos pagar por ello, también sé que el arte debe hacerse con el alma no buscando alardear o presumir por ser “bueno” o “letrado” o “intelectual”, y es que es tan fácil perderse en este camino que se puede caer en los extremos. En fin, estoy divagando… A veces es bueno divagar así. Me doy cuenta de lo que quiero y lo que no quiero… y no quiero ser un escritor que se llena de números y de una fama por demás ilusoria. Quiero mantener mi alma enfocada en la belleza y en la riqueza del arte, el cual es esperanzador por sí mismo.

I will never be famous, and I have never wanted or sought to be famous, that kind of ambition does not define me. In fact, a dream I had since I was a child was to publish a book and, well, I've fulfilled it. I feel grateful to myself for having worked on it and let the world know about it. Maybe nobody cares about what I'm saying here, but it's something that I suddenly felt like expressing. Writing has been a dream for me, a magical and exquisite work full of beautiful satisfactions and one or two headaches and heartaches, because it is not always easy to do it (the white page is demanding and very fickle). However, and in spite of some unfortunate experiences that I will not delve into, I have loved writing so much that it has hurt my soul in its most intimate roots. I have come close to quitting when I have let myself be overwhelmed by the voice of ambition that I do not have, but that I see in other writers. They all (or the vast majority) go to great lengths to be on a pedestal, they work for success and for the numbers they yearn to have raining down on their wallets. All this causes me a strange discomfort and makes me question the real reason that leads a human being to pick up the pen and write... What makes us write? What motivates us? What moves us? Fame, fortune, success or the simple love of art? And while I know that life costs, that nothing is free and that, if we want something, we must pay for it, I also know that art must be done with the soul, not seeking to boast or brag about being "good" or "literate" or "intellectual", and it is so easy to get lost on this path that one can fall into extremes. Anyway, I'm rambling... Sometimes it's good to ramble like this. I realize what I want and what I don't want... and I don't want to be a writer who is filled with numbers and an otherwise illusory fame. I want to keep my soul focused on the beauty and richness of art, which is hopeful in and of itself.

[polarbearauri]

"After a disastrous school year in Unova, Helia Brillante and her mother move to Paldea for a fresh start. Helia isn't sure how 'fresh' of a start it will really be - she's prepared for Uva Academy to be more of the same. But she's wrong. She's so, so wrong.

In a few short months, nothing will ever be the same again."

Hello! I'm Auri (she/her/they/them); autistic girl thing, writer, and person who is quite new to Tumblr. I'm excited to get to know this platform better, though; believe me when I say it's already miles better for my mental here than Twitter.

Since I'm close to being finished with the next chapter of it, I figured now would be a good time to post about the fic I'm writing over on Ao3! It's called Terastallized, and it's a retelling of Pokémon Scarlet and Violet (mostly Violet) which will likely end up being quite long. Its main character is Helia, an artist, trans girl, and a rewritten version of Juliana, forced to come out to her family before she was ready. The story focused on her character development, expanded bonds between the members of the main cast including Helia, a slow burn romance with Nemona, and something strange lurking in Helia's dreams. It's divided into multiple parts, and the first of which is called "The Flowers of Fall".

This fic along with the games themselves are what I have to thank for busting me out of a two-year writer's block, and I'm not even sure why, really. Something about them reached out and grabbed me by the heart and would not let go, not that I really tried all that hard. I'm very excited to share this fic with the world, and the positive response Ao3 has sent its way has been very reassuring. I've also been reading a fair bit of fics outside my own writing, and it seems having a Tumblr is semi-common practice? I've kind of always wanted to be on Tumblr but never known how (and therein lies the anxiety, haha wooo). But here I am, figuring things out, posting about my work!

I'm rambling; forgive me. If you'd like to read my fic, there's a link down below to the first part of the story, and I'm nearing completion of its fourth chapter, "Bienvenida a Paldea". If not, but you read through this anyway, thank you! I hope my rambling wasn't too annoying. I'll leave things off here, I think, and will probably post again when I have chapter four done - I mostly just wanted to get some kind of post out into the world, just to prove that I can, and that I won't immediately chicken out from fear.

See ya, then! :)

[okamirayne]

Hey Rayne! Just wanted to drop by for a quick session of praise and glory to your awesome self and the rollercoaster that Chapter 10 of HHU is. Seriously, your writing and your beautiful mind never fail to amaze me! It was such an amazing read that had my heart racing throughout. Damn do I feel bad for both Shikamaru and Naruto. And don't even get me started on those little bits of our beloved ShikaNeji interactions. MY POOR FUCKING HEART RAYNE, I SWEAR. I miss Neji so much and his appearance in this chapter was so bitter-sweet!

Anyways, enough of my rambling (because it could go indefinitely when it comes to you and BtB universe), I fear I have a question for your lovely self.

Alas, I have noticed that you use dream and/or dreamlike sequences quite a bit in your writing (I remember there being some throughout the series) and they are always so vividly and marvelously done! That made me wonder (and here comes the question) have you ever had a lucid dream, sleep paralysis, astral projection or some similar experience? I ask this because some of the ways in which you are portraying your dream sequences seem very familiar to some of the sensations which occur during those strange (and a bit scary) moments. I have had my fair share of lucid dreams and sleep paralysis moments, so it's very interesting to notice parallels in your writing regarding my own experience.

Okay, enough of me. As always, I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to kick ass of this burnout because *in Kris Jenner voice* YOU'RE DOING GREAT SWEETY! 🫶✨❤️

Anonymous asked:

Heya Sweet Pop Reference Anon! 💕🫶💕

Thank you, so much, for the delivery of this beautiful message, wrapped up in support and love. I was absolutely chuffed to receive it, read it, and be reduced to a puddle of feels by it. THANK YOU. 🥰 I've hit a big-arse wall recently and this was a sweet and soft place to fall. Thank you!

[...] And don't even get me started on those little bits of our beloved ShikaNeji interactions. MY POOR FUCKING HEART RAYNE, I SWEAR. I miss Neji so much and his appearance in this chapter was so bitter-sweet!

I feel you, Anon. My heart is a haunted house at this point.

Alas, I have noticed that you use dream and/or dreamlike sequences quite a bit in your writing (I remember there being some throughout the series) and they are always so vividly and marvelously done!

Thank you! They are always a little bit risky/tricky, but I try!

That made me wonder (and here comes the question) have you ever had a lucid dream, sleep paralysis, astral projection or some similar experience?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. These intense experiences have undoubtedly helped me write such scenes - to which I am both profoundly grateful and mildly unhinged.

I ask this because some of the ways in which you are portraying your dream sequences seem very familiar to some of the sensations which occur during those strange (and a bit scary) moments. I have had my fair share of lucid dreams and sleep paralysis moments, so it's very interesting to notice parallels in your writing regarding my own experience.

Wow! I'm glad to know that the portrayals resonated with you regarding their relatability (again, can be tricky when writing altered consciousness experiences) though I'm sorry to learn you've been alotted a fair (or unfair!) share of sleep paralysis moments. 😵‍💫Ugh! Those are shit. And scary. And I hope you're spared them in the future!

Okay, enough of me. As always, I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to kick ass of this burnout because *in Kris Jenner voice* YOU'RE DOING GREAT SWEETY! 🫶✨❤️

Gods bless, but you're going to laugh at me, because I had to Google that. 🤣 The pop reference flew riiiiight over my head. I have zero knowledge (bar the most generic trivia) regarding the Kardashians, but I'm now educated in this catchphrase! 🤣 Thank you, Anon! I appreciate the support, and hearing Kris Jenner saying it in several reels now means I have her voice playing like an earworm every time I read it.😆🥰 Ha! Brilliant!

Big thanks coming at you, my lovely!

💖🫶🏼💖

[xomoosexo]

you know I have mutuals that are into the q smp without being dream neg so I see some of it and the q smp meetup feels so weird to me. Kind of sad kind of happy weird. Like they seem so full of joy and I just hope they’re happy and they remain friends and I’m glad that some good came of this, even if it hurt us (which we didn’t deserve btw I’m realizing I’m sounding very q smp forgiving we didn’t deserve what we got but I’m happy some people are happy I guess). On the other hand, it feels like a strange wrapped reflection of d smp before everything. Like it’s all gonna fall apart. Idk. I guess part of that is q’s already done it twice and it’s not like the Sapnap Q George meet up was less happy, and yet. Anyways I wish them the best.

(To be clear I’m saying this on anon because I *don’t* believe it absolutely will happen and I will admit I have complicated feelings about all of this because of April. This is just nonsensical ramblings so don’t take it too seriously)

I think it's totally normal to feel happy when you see other people happy and wish them well (especially the people who aren't q, they didn't do anything and I'm glad they are having a good time) and it's normal for it to be bittersweet and kinda cynical about the whole thing seeing as we've experienced that before. that high high joy of the q meetups with snf and then the low low of him basically cutting all of them off. its almost like looking in this uncanny mirror reflection of the d smp, almost what could've been if lockdown hadn't been happening at the same time- if people didn't have to wait so long to see eachother in person. and also, we "know" how it ends, how q has met up with people and dropped them before. it's uncomfortable to see people so happy when you're pretty sure that's all gonna break down again soon. idk. I'm glad I was here to experience those meetups and streams with q even if it ended the way it did. I'm glad I experienced that happiness while it was there.

[bilbao-song]

okay at long last (i wanted to do this at least a little sooner but by the end of last night i was so sleep deprived my brain was not functional): jeffrey in boston on the 23rd!!! (really in-depth PARAGRAPHS of rambling below the cut so you only have to look at it if u want to, otherwise just enjoy the photos lmao)

so. hmmmm what to say about this lmao (the first two paragraphs are probably least important here if u don't want to read All Of That)

all of this was like.....................a dream. like i know talking about this makes me sound like Insane Person Whose Life Revolves Around Concertgoing (although that's kind of just the truth tbh) but being THIS close was like...THE dream to me. or at least the most realistically attainable dream we got there a liiiittle after the opening band had started (they are pretty great btw? i approve. like i'm genuinely excited to see them lol) and i'm not sure what the problem was tbh!! we arrived at a perfectly reasonable time but then everyone got corralled into a giant line that like, looped around itself and wrapped around the block. so that took like ~25 minutes to get through. anywayyy i got one of the ???people who work there (there's a word for this that is escaping me atm) to help me find my seat bc things were of course a bit chaotic by that point and well...........that was a positively magical little jaunt as we got closer and closer and i just kind of lost my mind. my seat was in the third row riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight in the middle. like, perfectly in the middle. it could hardly have been any better :'))))

so! i sat there by myself which felt a little strange bc although i do like doing things on my own i have just never done this before. the only other concert i have been to where i sat basically by myself was like, a thing i got to go to bc someone gave me their extra ticket (air supply! which was fun but like, i only went bc it just came up. no disrespect to air supply lmao) and even then the person next to me was like, super nice and also clearly entertained by my dedication to older music (always exquisite to encounter someone who genuinely wants to hear about ur interests. like once you manage to convince me you're asking out of genuine interest the floodgates are OPEN) but anyway!!! the strangers in the elo mosh pit did not talk to me. this was fine but i was a tiny bit surprised bc everyone has been pretty chatty at the other ones i have been to...as an aside i was repeatedly given the impression that the people directly behind me were kind of mean (consistently not shutting up during the opening act, loudly making rude comments about them, just kind of......whining a lot lmao) so i'm 100000% good with not talking to them lol

ANYWAY...onto the important part. sitting through the little intermission was excruciating and kind of went by too quickly bc i kind of did not want the concert to start bc the sooner it started the sooner it was over </3 but it was fun to be sooo close bc i enjoyed watching the crew set everything up and adjusting things and putting jeffrey's little table directly in front of me and whatnot 🥺 but then it started and it was like..............surreal. it quickly became clear that i really had chosen like the absolute perfect seat bc a) the two people in front of me were really short. thank god (the jackasses behind me were also at least a little taller than me so i'm happy for them and was not sorry for standing in front of them in my huge shoes) b) jeffrey directly in front of me. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) again this was like. SURREAL to me in a way bc it's just!!! the best yet and also 💕🥹💕🥹💕🥹 of course. i have been at least slightly pleasantly surprised by my seats at each one i've been to on this tour but even here i experienced that bc i did think i would be off to the side at least a tiiiiny bit...but no it was actually perfect. exquisite. like, i'm really truly not one of those overly-idolizing/Lose Your Mind Over Proximity To Famous Person types but well. i mean if you have read this far i'm sure you are already well aware of how i feel about him lmao

moving forward......bringing this up makes me feel weird bc it sounds so......well. you know. but ummmmm eye contact was definitely established repeatedly 🥺👉👈 looking at me and smiling adorably...........like, this is no exceptional credit to me or anything bc like...what else is he supposed to look at. i was very directly in his field of vision and significantly taller than the two people in front of me lol so he would have had to go to great lengths not to look at me at all. but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god???????? it was also kind of hilarious bc it did very muchly keep triggering my insane reflex to look AWAY from people when they make eye contact with me so i had to keep consciously correcting that bc like ????? HELLO lmao. but it was just!!!!!!!! very sweet!!!!!!!!! he was very smiley and adorable. typical...........i could opine on this further but i shan't at the risk of sounding insane. but like this alone was worth it to me sdjkhsjkhsd. felt Nice!!!!!!!!

anyway hmmm what else. well it was just spectacular but u already knew that. his voice has sounded remarkably perfect at each of these shows and that really stands out to me bc i just love that :') i also just love that he's repeatedly absolutely killing it, most importantly just because like, of course!! yay!! but also bc for awhile there was like, a cluster of very weird naysayers within the general community (which involved some kind of disgusting behavior imo but i won't go into detail about that bc like, why rehash it when it's both negative and profoundly ridiculous) and every single concert is just a really beautiful little I Told You So to those people which is SO satisfying to me bc i love to see that sort of thing getting thoroughly shut down and also slightly in part bc i love when i'm right and rude people who i don't like are wrong but that's as snarky as i will allow myself to be in an otherwise very happy post. <3 but i like. idk i just knew. and everyone else who isnt absolutely bonkers did too but well. etc etc etc

as a final note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! idk i loved it. and i'm so glad that i get to go to the phoenix one as well bc although i'm already getting a little emo about this (........i was already a slight mess after the one in indianapolis tbh) i do think that's like, the only thing that's keeping me from losing it entirely lmao. i feel super lucky to have done all of this and i am having a very very very very very good time

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

"You're my MJ"

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: When everyone found out about Spider-Man's real identity everything went to shit or did it?

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR SM:NWH AHEAD!! Do not read if you have NOT seen the movie!

And if you haven't by now, what the actual fuck are you doing with your life?! I wrote this the day after I watched the movie so it's been sitting in my drafts for quite some time, I hope you all enjoy it <3

MASTERLIST

-----

"I'm going to press it" MJ stated, her eyes locked on the magic box that can return the multiple intruders locked up in the basement of the sanctum.

"You can't just do that, Peter hasn't reached out yet"

"Just give him a little more time"

Come on Parker, your girlfriend is itching to press that button

"I just wish we could see Peter" Ned sighed moving his hand around and a spark appeared but soon died off just as quickly. The three of us sat upright immediately, eyes flickering amongst each other.

"Did that just happen or am I imagining things?"

"Ned, do that again" MJ instructed and he hesitantly started again

"Find Peter Parker" this time a portal opened to a dark alleyway and at the end of it was Peter in his suit. No freaking way Ned opened a portal!

"Peter!" he waved slightly and I ushered him to come towards us but he paused in his tracks

"Come on Parker we don't have all day!" he snapped out of his trance and stepped through the portal. Strange, this Spider-Man is our Spider-Man, Peter wasn't this tall and the suit...

"Who the hell are you?" pushing out of my seat I stood up curious to find out who is under the mask. The man reached up and removed the covering, low and behold it wasn't Peter, well our Peter anyways.

"I'm Peter Parker, I am Spider-Man in my world" Ned and I shared the same look as Peter went on

"But then yesterday, I was, I was just here" this version of Peter was extremely handsome, not that our Peter wasn't but there is something about this one that has my heart beating abnormally fast.

MJ, Ned and I were internally freaking out over this new version of Peter while he was taking it all in himself. Leaving the pair behind I walked over to him and he immediately paused his rambling, taking a deep breath as he focused his eyes on me, that's the second time he's done that.

"String theory, multidimensional reality and matter displacement, all real?"

"Yeah" his eyes lit up as he fist pumped the air

"I knew it!"

"Well it's safe to say that all Peter Parkers are Science freaks"

"Dude" MJ glared at me like it wasn't true

"This must have happened because of the spell"

"The spell? Like a magic spell? Magic is real here too?" his eyes were bulging out of their sockets right now

"I mean-"

"Ned, zip it"

MJ and I tried to get him to stop but he kept on going. Classic Ned. I was about to speak when MJ cut me off

"Prove it" his eyes flickered from me to the other girl in the room

"What do you want him to prove MJ? He's in a freaking Spider-Man suit for crying out loud"

"Oh we can never be too sure, so prove it" she was slightly aggitating me, there's a multiverse with many variants, get with the program sweetcheeks.

"It's not like he carries an ID, that would defeat the whole anonymous thing he's got going" his lips turned up into a faint smile as I interjected.

"Exactly" he placed his hand on the small of my back and I let out the faintest gasp at the connection that sparked. Was that my figment of imagination or did he feel that tingle too?

MJ launched a dinner roll at his chest, fixing her stance into a fighting pose

"Why'd you do that?"

"She was trying to see if you had the Peter Tingle" his smile widened as he stared at me, most likely he was recalling a similar memory from his universe.

"You mean my Spidey-Sense love"

Love? Was that his pet name for alternate me? If so alternate me is living the dream because I'm mush just standing here.

"Oh sorry, um..I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine Parker" he briefly nodded at me before turning back to the pair who were gawking at us

"I do have Spidey-Senses, just not for bread" MJ grabbed another one

"Put that down, now" each word was accented as it left my mouth and she immediately dropped it not wanting to get me upset

"I can see that you're a very mistrusting person"

"I'm sorry about her, she's actually really nice when she's not launching bread at strangers"

"Crawl around"

"MJ!"

"What? If he is Spider-Man from another dimension he can prove it by crawling on the ceiling. One way to know Y/N"

"He is not going to crawl around on the ceiling to prove that he is telling the truth! Besides we don't have time for-" this is ridiculous

"Are you happy now? Can I get down?"

Unbelieveable, Peter was stuck to the ceiling on all fours

Fantastic

Ned's grandmother spoke up from her place in the doorway, she asked if he could reach the cobwebs in the corner while he was up there and he did it without asking any questions like a gentleman.

"We're cool now?" he dusted off his palms as he was now standing right-side up next to me

"Yes" I was tired of MJ and her skepticism of the guy beside me. Her and Ned quietly conversed in their spot and I huffed gaining his attention.

"Hey, turn that frown upside down" he pushed the corners of my mouth upwards with his index fingers to get me to smile and it worked, I laughed at his gesture to lighten the mood. His brown eyes locked with mine and I swear its like it was just the two of us in the room.

What is happening?

"You keep staring Parker, what's going on in-"

"That beautiful brain of yours?" he finished my question, gently cupping my cheek in his hand. The longer we stayed like this, the quicker his cool and collected appearance faded as his eyes began to fill with tears.

"I take it that you and I have some sort of connection in your universe" he nodded, his thumb brushed against my skin and I never want him to stop.

"Yeah"

"Would you mind telling me what alternate me is like and how we're connected?" I needed to know the answer to those questions.

"In my world, you're my version of MJ, well, were. The shy girl that always sat at the back of the class with her nose buried in the pages of a book you were reading" his shoulders dropped, mood changed into a somber one

"I died?" his tears trickled down his face as he nodded, confirming that I was in fact deceased. My stomach dropped at the revelation, that's why he froze when he first saw me, it was like seeing a ghost.

"Hey, whatever happened that day, know that this me and alternate me doesn't blame you" it was my turn to touch him, I ran my hand up his arm all the way to his neck, he closed his eyes and pressed our foreheads together.

He needed to hear those words, it might not have been from his original Y/N but boy was he pleased to hear it from her.

I hesitantly wrapped my arm around him tucking my head under his chin and he immediately accepted it, holding me tighter. Alternate me was a lucky girl, hugs like these are my favourite.

"As sweet as this is guys, we have another one" Ned announced breaking us out of our trance. Looking over to my left another portal was opened and another man stepped through dressed in regular clothing. This man seemed to be in his late thirties.

"Let me guess, Peter Parker?" the man nodded at me before allowing himself to take in the man that's holding onto me.

"You're not their friend Peter" without another word the both of them fired and dodged each other's webs, the one that I was just comforting landed on the table.

"Woah, that was awesome"

"You always found that amusing Y/N" the older Peter Parker spoke and I froze, the younger Parker hopped off the table and returned to his place beside me.

"There's an alternate me in your universe too?"

"Yeah, you're my best friend"

"I see"

"Just a best friend?" the guy next to me spoke up with an underlying tone to his words. There's no way he's jealous right now.

"Yeah dude, just friends"

Of all the ways today could've gone, I never thought I'd be standing in the same room with Peter's variants from two different universes and finding out that I was romantically involved with one of them.

The tall, lanky dork smiled at me sensing my excitement towards this entire situation.

Kudos to alternate me for landing this cutie before she died.

-----

MCU Taglist:

@dorks2022 @n3ssm0nique @chrisfucksblog @sophiaedits @peakascum @anonymoustip217 @iiddaaa @mintphoenix @hardcoppizzasludge @panaitbeatrice @tanyaherondale @creatingjana @calimoi @rootcrop @louisianalady @thummbelina @vicmc624 @leyannrae @janaev4ns @queenofkings1212 @believinghurts @poor-unfortunate-soul-85 @stumbleonmywords @inas-thing @blackcat420 @badasseddy @spiderlaufeyson @yesimwriting @blondekel77 @4-everm-0-re @sketch-and-write-lover @farfromjustordinary @haoluvver @garbinge @emmamooney @chanaaaannel @moonofheroin @glitch-bitch777 @overly-obsessed-with-you @just-arather-veryconfused-being @marvel-swagger

[insomniac-astronomer]

Any!Peter Parker x Reader: College

was kinda not sure how to feel now that I moved in today. I don't know anyone which really sucks but otherwise I don't feel as anxious as I thought I would be. Anyway I have a freaking killer writing view. So this is brought to you by that and the thunderstorm.

Description: Reader moves into college and feels a little overwhelmed. They meet a nerdy boy at the dining hall.

Gender: neutral! No pronouns used!

WARNINGS: disassotiation (holy spelling), anxiety, social anxiety, new places, college 🙃, anxiety-related eating symptoms, reader has essential tremors (barely mentioned, not by name)

*not my gif* how do you pronounce gif? I say g-i-f, like spell it out

You stand three feet away from your dorm's door. Your key is in your pocket with your student id and phone. All you have to do is walk out the door.

The dorm itself has you feeling weird enough as it is. You made it your's, which helps, but it still feels strange.

You nod to yourself in the mirror and take the three steps through the threshold. Your hands are shaking so much you can hardly put the key into the lock. Finally, you manage to get the door locked and the next obstacle is the elevator.

Which actually turned out to be no big deal. No one else was on it so you had a peaceful ride down to the 4th floor. You step out to find a crowd of people meeting for an organization.

Nervously, you avoid eye contact and keep to yourself until you reach the actual dining hall. Everything passes by in a blur until you're standing in front of the food choices. A couple other people linger around, studying their options, but you walk quickly. You don't want to look weird stopping to read every little sign. Well, you walk so far you reach the end of the options and have to choose pizza, which looks rather depressing.

On your way out, you notice some fruit. You almost reach for a banana, but then worry people will judge you for eating a banana. So you don't take the fruit, get a glass of water, and sit in the back corner of the room to eat your sad pizza.

"Mind if I sit here?" A voice startles you from your concentration of studying the room.

"Oh," your brain buffers, "yeah."

He stands awkwardly for a moment. "So yeah you do mind or-"

"No, no!" You look intensely at the pizza. "I don't mind. You can sit there."

"Okay, thanks." You hear the chair pull out and his plate clink against the table. "I'm Peter, by the way."

"I'm Y/N." You give him an awkward smile. "Nice to meet you."

"Yeah nice to meet you, too."

Ouch.

"So are you a freshman as well?" You ask, even though he very obviously is.

"Yep. So you are, too?"

"Yeah."

He nods. "Cool."

You nod.

Oh god.

"So which dorms are you in?" You say through a bite of pizza, which immediately makes you cringe.

"Hall B, you?"

"Oh, same." You smile again. "What floor?"

"Five."

"Oh, wow. I'm the whole way up on the sixteenth."

"Wow! I bet your view is incredible!" He sounds genuine this time.

"It's pretty good, yeah."

"I would love to go see it-" he cuts himself off. "Wait no. That came out wrong. I just think it would be interesting to go up to the sixteenth floor in any room and see the view-"

"Do you wanna hang out after we're done here?" You interrupt his ramble, blushing slightly at how suddenly you see him as adorable.

"If you're okay with it." He snaps his head toward you. "I literally just invited myself over which was so rude-"

"No, I think it will be fun." You give him a smile.

"Okay." He smiles back. A soft smile. A cute smile. Wow he's really cute. "Hey, I never asked. What's your major?"

"{insert dream major}, you?"

"Computer science."

"Ah, cool."

He laughs. "No it's not. It's lame, I know."

"I mean, you can make a lot of money from it!" You start to smile.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be rich in the future and you'll look back on this conversation and wonder why you bullied me."

You mouth drops open. "I said nothing. You were the one who said it was lame! You said it first!"

"Would you finish that pizza so I can go see the view?!"

You glare at him. "I'm a slow eater. Your view will have to wait."

💫

"Why is the elevator so slow?" Peter complains.

"I'm sorry, I must not have warned you that I live on the sixteenth floor, not the sixth."

"Unbelievable, now you're lying to me?"

"I'm disengaging from this conversation." You say firmly and the two of you burst into laughter.

The elevator dings.

"Finally!" Peter dramatically steps out of the death box and is greeted by a group of very confused girls who give a little chuckle at his behavior. "Sorry." He holds the elevator door open for them.

"You're embarassing me! I haven't even met my neighbors yet!" You slap his shoulder.

"You should be more social."

"Hm," you turn to lead him down your hallway. "Maybe next week."

He doesn't respond, but he's smiling.

"Okay, here we are!" You grandly gesture at your door. You fumble around to pull out your key, hands shaking worse again. You give several attempts to get it in the hold and miss every time.

"Here, I got it." Peter, without waiting for a response, takes the key from your hand and unlocks to door.

Damn, a man with steady hands, too.

You snarkily take the key away from him. "Thanks for breaking into my room."

"Yeah whatever, we would've stood there for hours."

"You're actually awful." You set all of your things down in their various places, making sure to keep things as clean as possible. After all, you've been here less than a day.

"Your stupid lamp is ruining my view!"

You turn around to see the lamp placed in front of the window. It is on. And Peter is attempting to turn it off. The wrong way.

"Stop! Stop! You're gonna break it!" You rush over and turn the knob the correct direction to twist it back into place. Then, you click it off.

For a moment, you're breathless. Nighttime has fallen over the city and the buildings are shimmering and glowing. Bright neon traffic lights blink and car headlight speed by. You study the dazzling glass office building right in front of your view and try to see what the tiny people inside are doing.

After your initial stun is over, you notice Peter hasn't said anything in awhile.

"You okay?" You ask.

He nods. "Yeah, it's just been awhile since I've seen the city like this. A year at this point."

"Oh, did your family have an apartment here?"

His eyes widen suddenly. "Uh, no. Uh, well. Uh, not exactly. It's kind of complicated. I mean my parents are dead so yeah I live with my Aunt May."

"Oh," you squeak out, not expecting the sudden burst of information coming your way. "I'm . . . so sorry to hear about that."

"Nah, I was really young and that wasn't the point and- okay that didn't go well. None of that came out right."

You nod slowly.

"Wanna hang out again tomorrow?" He suddenly blurts out.

You smile. "Sure, I'd love to."

"Would you maybe," Peter shifts on his feet, "wanna go grab a coffee or something in the morning?"

Now you're confused. "Friendly coffee?"

He gives you the look of are-you-literally-a-psychopath. "Friendly? I mean yeah, I'm not gonna take you somewhere with mean coffee??"

You roll your eyes. "I mean as friends?"

"Yeah, we're friends now, right?" He laughs nervously.

"Still not what I'm asking. Are you asking me on a date?"

"Um, no. I mean, well, yeah. I mean, if you want it to be but like it doesn't have to be-"

"I would love to go on a coffee date with you." You cut him off with a wide smile.

"Okay, yeah. I'll come by tomorrow at eight?"

"You'll come by?" You put air quotes around the last two words.

"Yeah?" He asks as if it should be obvious.

"You're going to ride the slow elevator the whole way up to the sixteenth floor from the fourth floor, only to then go back down to the first floor?"

"I'm a gentleman, okay. I'm not gonna make you ride the elevator alone at eight in the morning." He looks away and you can see a little blush on his face.

"Oh how heroic of you." You say sarcastically.

"Okay, fine. I'll send a total stranger up to get you, then."

"NOPE!" You shove him toward the door. "Okay time to go now. I have to get to sleep if you want me awake and ready for eight."

"Okay, good night." Peter smiles sweetly, which makes your heart melt.

"Good night to you, too." You give him one last lingering smile before closing the door.

Manifesting that I'll date someone soon in college. Y'all help me manifest, thx. Don't steal this fic bro that's not really cool of you you know.

Buy me a coffee?

[illumiera]

Hello, I'm barging into your inbox to give you a big ⭐ and a chance to ramble about that part of your fic you want the most! 💕 And I ask your director's commentary about a scene of IFNF (chapter 4, where something bad happens before it gets better), I'm sure it made you cry just as it made your readers, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

from the fanfic writer director's cut asks—feel free to send one in or reblog so I can ask you!

thank you so much, Gigi!! 💖

⭐: One of my favourite things to do in i fear no fate is to sprinkle in little echoes and callbacks between Miraak and Elentari—to have one of them say something, then the other say it later (or earlier, depending on how timey-wimey we get) in a totally different context with a new meaning, like this exchange in chapter one:

“I have spent thousands of years in Apocrypha,” Miraak bites back, “and I have exhausted everything—everything but you.” He lowers his voice. “Dii rinisil,” he says, almost reverently. “The equal to my soul.” It's instinctive, the way she tries to claw back the ground she's losing to the dragon inside her. "Our souls may be equal in form, but I would never do with mine what you've done with yours!"

compared to this in chapter three, about three months later and four thousand years earlier, since this is Ellie meeting a Miraak who's just learned what he is:

“You’re… like me,” he manages once he’s drunk his fill. “Blood of the dragon.” It's... disorienting, to say the least, to hear words she does not understand and yet comprehend them anyway. But he is speaking to her as he has always spoken to her, in the language of her soul; it's just that now, she can answer him. "Yes," she says with a little smile, "I'm just like you."

the Elentari we meet in the first chapter is... not impressed with Miraak and his nonsense. she feels a strange pull to her fellow dragon-soul, and she really, really doesn't want to have to kill him, but she will if she has to (i.e., if he doesn't shape up) since it's what destiny demands of her.

but by the third chapter, she's seen more of him, she's realised he's most likely the person she's been dreaming of for at least two years, and above all, she knows that he's capable of good—after all, he gave her the third word of Bend Will so that Storn Crag-Strider wouldn't have to die, and then he straight up told her to stay away from Apocrypha so she'd get to live, even if it directly led to more of Apocrypha's corruption claiming him.

he's her same-soul, and now, she's prepared to admit it, to own it.

okay! now for my director's commentary on The Scene That May or May Not Have Made the Author Cry in the fourth chapter, if I haven't already rambled enough! (I've stuck it below a cut, just in case anyone isn't a relentless spoiler-seeker like me...)

so, one of my headcanons for Atmora is that most major events (betrothals, marriages, deaths, etc) in a person's life took place outside, beneath the eyes of the gods—especially deaths, which would be under the open sky so that Kyne, the Kiss at the End, could lead the souls of the departed to Sovngarde or the Forest of Dreams. back then, a dying Atmoran would be wrapped in their best furs and carried out onto the snow, where their fellow villagers (or warriors, if in the aftermath of a battle) would tell them stories of Sovngarde to comfort them until they passed on.

so, when Miraak says this as he lies dying:

“’Sili. Tell me,” he interrupts her in a thready half-whisper. “Sov… Sovngarde.”

—he's asking for a version of this last rite, one he might well have seen conducted during his childhood in Atmora and Bromjunaar. in this moment, he knows that he's about to die, and he wants to do so as a man, an Atmoran man, not as a dragon.

he doubts he'll get the chance to go to Sovngarde or the Forest of Dreams; instead, he intends to make good on his promise to Ellie to "haunt [her] as she would have haunted [him]"—to be with her in her dreams if not in the waking world, since his soul and everything that makes him him will go to her.

thankfully, though, Ellie being the stubborn little creature she is has very different plans, even if it means dragging his spirit back to Nirn herself. 😤💖

[akumanoken]

2022 end diary entry ig

Here we are, the last day of 2022 and I have been thinking a lot about progress. It's been such a crazy year for me, voice-wise, health-wise, purpose wise. I have found myself a completely different person than I started this year. I am... looking into the new year with excitement, the things I've done here in 2022 are a seed to bloom in the new year to come. After all 2023 breaks down to 7... lucky number~~

I've met friends, sot friends, and I am grateful for all of you. Those who are new, those who have been here since jump, those who I knew, and then for whatever reason we drifted away. Life is strange that way. I know that whatever led to any of these decisions, they are for the best.

It's only 6:45 right now, and I have things to do. I have to film, I have to get dinner (I'm probably gonna order), and I have a commission to work on, but I've been filled with this crazy sense of gratitude and unsurety of the new year. Cautious optimism. But that's good yeah? It means I am expecting good things and will know how to navigate the bad.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling. A wish guys!! have a wonderful year my friends. It's the start of a brand new cycle, and it's up to us to make the most of it. Do what makes you happy. Live for the shit that gets you up in the morning, and no dream is too weird or stupid. I'm serious. You got no one to answer to but your own damn self.

I love you guys, take care of yourselves, and then if you can, take care of each other. Happy New Year