#anyway I’m babbling

[aureutr]

Health update, featuring: DIAGNOSIS

I have been a chronic pain patient for a few years now. It's difficult to fully articulate how much pain changes your life, unless you are someone who has lived it or had a loved one live it.

Pain sucked away my energy and brainpower. I found myself sleeping more and more, first in naps after work then I was regularly calling out half days just to sleep. All the while, I was seeing doctor after doctor in hopes that someone would have an answer.

No one did. At first, it was almost a relief. It wasn't cancer, after all. But then the relief turned into disappointment and quickly into resignation. Labs were fine, X-ray was clear, CT was good. It should have been good news, except I still hurt all of the time and no one could tell me why.

The pain got worse. It peaked in Autumn 2022, when I finally got my first sliver of relief. Gabapentin kept the pain in control enough that I no longer had to regularly sleep half of the day, but it made me foggy. Still, it was easier to manage than the brain fog from pain, so I took it.

I still take it, and I’m on quite the high dose. It’s given me a semblance of a life back, but it’s not the answer or a cure. I still napped, I still hurt too much to even walk around a store for more than an hour or so. And, if I did, it would be my only activity for the day.

I lost my job late last year. I don’t believe it was because of the time I had to take, it was a mass layoff, but I’m certain it did not help. That, at least, ended up fine. I found a job I prefer with far better pay within a few months. And they’re, so far, understanding that I’m working through health problems.

But being unemployed was still a stressor, and I had learned that stress was integral to my pain. When I was stressed, it was worse. When I was calm, it was bearable.

I’ll skip describing another round of tests and hypotheses that went nowhere. In October 2023, my husband and I went to the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic or John Hopkins (I am being intentionally vague here). This was our second time visiting, the first gave us absolutely nothing.

A nurse practitioner took a very quick look at me, too quick for our comfort, and declared the issue muscular. She recommended physical therapy. It seemed too simple, really. After all of that, all that money spent and time invested? It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried some exercise, but when moving makes your pain worse and worse pain zaps your energy, that’s difficult to maintain.

Still, I wasn’t going to turn my nose up at anything at this point. And it’s a damn good thing I didn’t.

The physical therapist I ended up seeing told me I had the strongest pelvic floor she’s ever seen. And that’s not a good thing. I have apparently taken literal decades worth of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and any other negative emotion you can think of, and held them taut there, keeping my pelvic muscles almost constantly tensed.

And when you tense that much for that long, dysfunction arises.

My official diagnosis is Pelvic Floor Disorder. All of my PT has been focused on stretching, no strength training or cardio. I’m retraining my body to relax, to let go.

It has been amazing.

At the time of writing, I’ve been going to sessions for about six weeks. Already, I am eager to walk our dogs every day. I’ve gone out on my own or with friends to move.

The pain is not gone. But it is so much less that my pain clinic doctor is discussing reducing my gabapentin in a couple of months. And with decreased pain comes decreased brain fog.

Decreased brain fog means not only an improvement in my professional work, but space for fandom. I’ve written more than I’ve shared, lots of short private stuff for friends, but I haven’t had enough organized thought to re-approach the stories I put on hold.

I can’t promise anything, of course, but I hope that can change soon. I’ve been dabbling in Distant Echoes again, and it’s fun to be back in that world.

I’m not well. But I’m better. I’m so, so much better.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

My brain is buzzed and buzzing.

HW Zelda spent a good portion of her time with Link disguised as Sheik. She decided to keep her identity a secret from even Impa, which means she probably had to change her personality a little to make it convincing. So this entire time, Sheik and Link work together and fight together, and Link got to know this different persona. So when she revealed herself as Zelda, I wonder how that changed their relationship and dynamic?

Imagine Zelda is falling for Link but Link is falling for someone who doesn’t exist. Imagine Link’s agency and consent are so ambiguous because destiny determines that Link and Zelda are always together, that they have to be together, at least according to Lana and Cia.

I don’t know, I just have a lot of thoughts about HW Zelink. Not all of them are great. But I suppose if people write it well I can like it.

[astrobei]

hi i love your fics and I was wondering if you had any byler fic recs

thanks

hello there! in all honesty, i have not had the time to read a lot of byler fic as of late, but it’s been a while since i posted some recs so i’ll drop a few that i’ve enjoyed recently! as always, i do endorse every fic in my bookmarks to the highest possible degree, so always feel free to look through those for new reading as well <3

say it with your hands by pseudologia (@hellfiremike) — will is a new employee at the movie theater mike works at, and mike starts thirsting over will’s hands to a degree that’s downright detrimental to his employment status

GOD. this fic. i gushed in their dms immediately after finishing it because this might be my favorite modern will characterization of all time, and this is coming from someone who has a million and one takes on modern era will byers. this fic just checked all of my boxes — from the summertime romance to mike’s painfully in-character teenage angsting to will being a frequenter of star wars reddit threads and an enjoyer of sufjan stevens. and the TENSION. oh god the tension. i’ve read all their fics probably three times over each, and i also highly recommend like i am home again, a college au set during a halloween party which made me stare at my phone refreshing ao3 hourly until it updated, and can this be a real thing (can it?) wherein mike and will reunite in a gay bar. enough said

landslide by chamb3rs — the party’s senior year of high school

i don’t often reach for chaptered fics since i usually have such limited reading time, but i’m sooo so so happy i stumbled across this one. there have just been very few fics that have touched me like this one did. i blew through this in one sitting a few weekends ago and subsequently experienced the full range of human emotions (and then some) all in the span of a few hours. everything about this was perfect — the will pov, the weird liminality of transitional periods, the party and byhop family dynamics, down to my favorite portrayal of theeeee jennifer hayes in any fic ever. on top of all of that, this fic perfectly captures the heartbreaking euphoria of being in love with your best friend, and all the ups and downs that come with it. i crawled out of the ao3 tab covered in blood and my chest was hurting and i was shaking and i had damn near chewed my own arm off — and then i sent the link to my friend 10 minutes later and watched her experience the same exact thing like a train wreck in slow-mo HAHAHA

what a time to be alive by passerine_in_jade (@newlesbianprideflag) — will disappears and haunts mike from the upside down

i’m forever a total sucker for a good haunting metaphor, so it’s absolutely not a surprise that this fic is appearing on this list. the premise for this was so so so cool and interesting, and it’s another chaptered fic i’m glad i had a little extra time to read. the way the author had me rooting for mike and will the whole time even though half of the pairing was offscreen for a large majority of the fic is a highly commendable feat. mike’s unyielding loyalty to will and will’s constant faith in him felt so true to their canon selves, and there were so many moments that were so quiet and intimate and tender that i really felt like i was intruding on something. good good stuff

that’s what you get for falling in love by harriet_vane — will gets his first boyfriend in college, and mike, ever the ally, has very normal feelings about it

i want to preface this by saying that this fic is rated m, mostly just for mentions/allusions to sex, and one largely non-explicit portion of a scene in the last chapter. if that’s not your cup of tea, it’s easy to tell when it’s coming up and to skip past it without detracting from the plot, but i think it would be a greater detriment to not rec this fic at all, because it has quickly made the list of my favorite byler fics of all time. something about this take on jealous mike especially resonated with me — his inner monologue is simultaneously hilarious and depressing, and his obliviousness regarding his feelings for will feels so true to life without being overdone or cartoonish. you can tell just how much they really care for each other, and the conflict in this actually made me start crying because it felt so visceral and so fundamentally them. you can tell this author really understands their characters, and the love put into this fic is soooo palpable. it’s the kind of fic where you want to bonk their heads together to knock some sense into them, but you are helpless to do anything but hold on as you’re swung along for the ride.

finally, i try not to just rec fics written by my friends, but my recent reading list would be incomplete without these two wonderful additions:

the way you love me by strangeswift (@strangeswift) — byler exes (absolutely heartwrenching edition)

i’ve been hearing abby talk about her ideas for this fic for the better part of a year as she worked on it, and she actually edited and posted the first two chapters while i was visiting her! and by god is this world a better place with her byler exes concept in it, because if you want angst, you’ll never have to look further than her ao3 page. something about the way she writes will in this fic just makes my heart shrivel up and die in my chest — his quiet resignation, the bitterness (always love a good bitter will byers moment) and the Longing that never quite went away. mike’s characterization is also top notch, and you can really feel the chemistry between them during every interaction. at the time of me posting this list, chapter 4 is not yet up, but trust me when i tell you guys it’s going to soooooo be worth it. :-)

the end is here by bookinit (@bookinit02) — a speculative byler-centric season 5

if you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that haven’s canon rewrite series is hands-down my favorite series across any pairing and fandom. her creativity with her season 5 concepts never fails to astound me — from the scripts she’s been working on as an alternative to the episodes she rewrote for s1-4, to her ideas for possible plot lines, and just incredible writing all around. i’ve had the privilege of reading through her scripts before she posts them to her blog (definitely go check them out) but special privilege bias aside, it takes soooo much skill to create such a visually powerful story in a medium that allows for such little narration, and the corresponding chapters just totally pushes it over the edge. pre-s5 required reading for every byler, and 100000% my new canon if the show doesn’t pan out

this definitely is not an exhaustive list because i have a million and one fics on my to-read, and one day i will get around to reading them all, but i hope there is something on this list that strikes your fancy!!

[jaxyscreams]

Geek Girl just hits different when you grew up undiagnosed autistic and got bullied for it

Like oooh I see parts of myself in such a kind and caring light and it feels cathartic it feels healing

[happi-dreams]

so me and my sister just rewatched both the lego movies and we have just been yapping to each-other ever since and i really need to talk about emmet as a autistic character and the movies in general because GOD—

Emmet autism power time wao

In the beginning of the first movie, Emmet is the only person we see who consistently refers to the instructions and carries it around throughout his day — kinda being a ‘script’ that other autistic people use to fit in with others or use with social situations except instead of being internalised rules it’s a *literal* instruction book (which he has many of). This being a representation of the expectations that society expects of him and the unspoken rules he needs to follow; he’s been essentially wearing a mask throughout his whole life in an attempt to fit in, but even then his peers still see him as different due to them not following the instructions as closely as he does, causing a disconnect that Emmet couldn’t know about because he assumed everyone is doing the same as him.

But by the end of the first movie, Emmet realises that he can be himself and can focus on what makes him, *him*!! Rather than constantly following what others expects of him, he unlocks the ability to master-build and uses it for specifically things that interest him and what he wants (e.g the construction robot and the double decker couch!).

This lead into the beginning of the second movie, after 5 years Emmet is now living by his own life by his own rules, he still follows instructions but this time he makes it himself! He knows that routine and it makes him the most comfortable so he continues to do it but by his own terms. (akin to how autistic people (me) use specific routines and plans to make their day to day easier).

He’s also shown to be the only person who’s appearance hasn’t changed at all, still sticking to his optimistic demeanour because it’s an integral part of his identity as a person and by not conforming to the expectations of society he’s in, he’s being himself and valuing what makes him unique — building things that are specific to solely him.

In the Christmas tree short he’s the head of the construction crew sequence team, in the movie he builds a comfortable home with all of his interests and personality stuffed inside! But it is immediately disregarded as ‘not serious’ and ‘too bright/clean/friendly’ and dangerous to society (dangerous to the views society wants him to conform to) — with that critique of his home then being an indirect critique of his character and who he is as a whole, that he cannot or should not be himself anymore, that he needs to change and be more serious, more mature, this evident key reignites the feelings of insecurity in Emmet that he should not need to feel again following the events of movie 1.

—

Considering Rex Dangervest as a character; this is a version of Emmet we see as who, after being stuck in a dryer and wallowing in feelings of betrayal and anger, conforms to what his old peers wanted from him, putting on another mask now of maturity. He changes his entire appearance, emphasising the change while also burying his past identity.

However, even though he’s being what others wanted of him, he’s still doing it for himself and to attempt to squash or bury the deep insecurity he now has. He’s learned that instructions aren’t needed anymore, which is yet another thing he has completely removed from his identity now and in an attempt to be as un-himself as possible, he lives his life impulsively and destructively — his entire crew being composed of raptors than people, reflecting his distrust of people and further separating himself from them, furthering his isolation in toe.

Rex is also a unreliable narrator, lying about his accomplishments and playing it up to further conform into this mask he has created and making himself seem much more special and interesting than what he may actually be, using this to push himself further away from who he used to be (quite similar to Lucy actually, but taken even further through him taking what everyone says about him literally).

—

But back to Emmet, when he meets Rex he is in a vulnerable point in his life both in situation and emotionally, he’s unsure of whether he should be himself or how others feel about him. He wants to be loved and known by others and not being ignored like he was in the beginning of the first movie, he’s clearly willing to change himself in order to achieve this goal even if it’s not good for him, Rex had (has) this same insecurity and feeds into this intentionally, encouraging Emmet to change himself and grow tougher and stronger mirroring what his peers used to do with him, showing a cycle of hurt that is caused because of those words and actions.

Emmet changes *insanely* quickly, learning the master-breaking ability immediately as opposed to Rex who likely needed years to perfect it, likely pushing most of his feelings deep down and even though he’s accepted more of himself at the beginning of the second movie, his whole life before then was constant repression and masking, the instructions he was given by society actively told him what to do and how to feel, how to answer others but he was never given an outlet for any negative emotions.

That many years of repression cannot be undone such a short time, but Rex gives him a destructive outlet to vent his emotions rather than a constructive one — furthering what Rex wants Emmet to be and what Rex sees as good now because of his own trauma, wishing to now better his past self and help him realise the ‘truth’ earlier than he did, both to help Emmet but also protect him from what Rex had to go through but in the end hurting Emmet anyways.

In conclusion,

Emmet is uber duper autistic and he should be able to get a therapist and also be silly *drops mic*

I have more I wanna yap about but imma give myself a lil break cause i have like, a whole talk about the second movie plus a rewrite of the entire dryer bit plus fun things but ye

But i really hope this sounded good !! if you have literally anything to add or rebuttal please let me know! :D

[lannisterdaddyissues]

i totally forgot how obsessed my dad is with top gun actually lol. it came on tv and he made me sit down next to him for the entirety of the layton rescue while shouting at everyone on-screen and holding onto my arm and then he made me sit down again to watch ice and mav buzz the tower and hug on the carrier while pledging their lives to each other in holy matrimony

also according to him val kilmer is the best-looking man in human history (though tom cruise is close behind)

[kkolg]

Look who made their boyfriend a fursonaaaaaaaa

meeeeeeeeee

[hmslusitania]

Every once in a while I try to make a post about my original fiction but I only ever have the gumption at ass-o’clock in the morning and I just. Do you all want fantastical stories where romance is a major portion but not the main point? Where there’s sex but it’s like. Very normalized and not at all a tonal exclamation point? Where even when it’s ostensibly het the romance and sex are queer on some axis of ace/aro/pan/bi?

Because by golly gosh do I have [checks notes] 6.5 novels all unpublished for you?

[xskyll]

Page 15, for the second time! Apologies to those that saw the version I posted last night with the typo. My days lately have been busy, so sometimes I feel a bit brain foggy. A couple of people left comments on either here or Twitter and it killed me to delete everything. ;_;

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[unknown-echo]

VINCENT 😍😍😍😍

[lottiies]

sometimes i’m like wow i wonder why i suck at communication and then it’s like oh yeah because my mom always ignores me for days on end LMAOO

[daboyau]

Got half a foot chopped off my hair yesterday and i’m coming to terms with that. the cut is almost what I’d like after i got it wet and it got wavy again (the hairdresser straightened it for some reason and i hated it lol)

i think i need to give myself bangs though

[possum-quesadilla]

9,, 4

Hehe, hello and thank you again!

9. Tell us your favorite thing to drink when you write

Heheh. Usually water, in gulps during mandated breaks, bc when I write I forget to be a human being and do things like drink and eat! Other times it’s one of my frapp monstrosities, and on rare occasions it’s a Mike’s Harder Lemonade. Bc I can’t stand the taste of most alcoholic drinks and need a drink to be extraordinarily sweet before I can enjoy it even a little lol

4. Post a screenshot of one of your favorite comments

Ohhh. Oh this is a tough one. I love all the comments I receive, I thrive off validation, lol.

It’s a tough draw between a few! First off, my first two, from you and @c0zmo-writes ! I was amazed people were interested in my writing, especially someone I didn’t know and someone who inspired me to write more.

The others are the long ones. Oh, how I love the long ones. I love reading people flipping out and analyzing and agonizing over details. It fills my rotten little heart with joy. I am truly blessed with commenters, I love every one I get!!! Thank you all!!!

[videogame-brainwyrms]

Yui Kimura is just an objectively pretty survivor like she’s beautiful

[swiftmitsu]

holy. moly…..

thank you guys for all your requests ehehe

there’s so many omfg what have i gotten myself into 💀it’s fine though i’m excited to draw them all

i’ll try to do them all, but for now my requests are closed!! eheh<3

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Since I see you've asking lots of people this, I'm throwing the love right back at ya!

It’s “appreciate yourself” hours! Pick five pieces of writing/art that you’ve done that you love and talk about them! ❤️❤️❤️

aowhebfofhsnwowuwbe AHHH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for asking ❤️❤️❤️😭

Well, let’s see…

I know this isn’t a popular AU of mine, but I really love the Imprisoning War AU (and, consequently, Golden Mercy as well) with my whole heart. Also it has invaded my brain so freaking much I might actually explode LOL. Idk, my mental health and life in general have been not as optimal as I would like, and this AU has been my outlet for that, which is why it’s far more hurt and less comfort than most people like. But I relate to the characters in different ways (people pleaser Link my beloved haha dude I get trying to make everything work for everyone and trying to say yes to everyone and burning yourself out; forever alone and somehow the most rational one Hemisi I feel you girl; everyone relying on you and you have to do it because when you don’t the world falls apart Zelda keep up the good fight girl), I like exploring what happens when you really push the “Zelink has to happen every time, even at the expense of other relationships” agenda that sometimes is tossed around (no hate to Zelink or its shippers, I enjoy some Zelink ships and I know many Zelink shippers who are wonderful. I just hate the idea of forcing them together all the time when there are other relationships that are clearly there lol, I’m salty about how Hyrule Warriors handled it but it was fan service so whatevs. ANYWAY. It creates great drama), and I like showing a realistic depiction of the absolute, if you’ll pardon the expression, shit show that would be left behind in the wake of such a disastrous war that Ganondorf created. It also sets up Ganondorf’s expectations, worries, and views really well for Golden Mercy, and I’m pretty excited to write a Hyrule Warriors long fic and try to redeem that giant jerk while still making it realistic and recognizing he’s a complicated guy. :) They’re all complicated, and I love characters so it’s just so much fun for me. Also, making anybody turn into a good Dad is obviously a passion of mine LOL. I’ll shut up now, but I really love this AU. ❤️ (technically I lumped two stories together for this but they’re all part of the same AU so… there lol)

Blood of the Hero is probably my current favorite long fic that I’m actively updating. The LoZ fandom is sorely lacking good parental figures (and I understand part of that is because Link just doesn’t have parents in his games and partly because people are projecting and that’s understandable), so I wanted to fix it dang it. LET LINK HAVE PARENTS WHO LOVE HIM. BOTW TALKED ABOUT HIS FAMILY. Anyway, I also love letting adults actually have a role in saving the world instead of always leaving it to the poor overwhelmed kids LOL, making them middle aged parents is an absolute bonus. And Abel being constantly tired and burnt out and done with the world speaks to my soul, and Tilieth being the one to hold on to hope despite everything and still have sensitivity and femininity to her while still being a strong character also speaks to my soul. I love them both, and I love showing how determined they are to protect their kids, as any good parent should be. They’re heavily inspired by my own parents, as well as myself, and what I would interpret Link’s parents to be like based on his upbringing and personality, so it was really fun creating their personalities. :)

I have so many Sky-centric stories that I love, but I think my favorite is probably Paradox, I had such a fun experience writing it and loved the idea of giving Fierce Deity an origin story while creating a sense of urgency and confusion and mystery and wrapping it all in a sickfic. :) I cranked that sucker out in thirty minutes and I still think it’s one of my best one shots.

I can only take partial credit for this since @nancyheart11 came up with the original premise, and because @smilesrobotlover has contributed so much as well, but I do love Dad Squad with all my heart. They’re such idiots, I adore them and their quest to save their sons who already technically saved themselves because they’re heroes. Also, the latest development in my brain of including TotK Ganondorf as the main villain from Hero of Shadow seems appropriate in making the big baddie a Bad Dad in a Dad Squad story LOL. Having Majora’s Mask in the hands of Kohga gives me life, though, and I will forever be grateful to Nancy for coming up with that premise HA. I haven’t written much for it lately, but I do love it so much. Also props to her for publishing it on AO3, I could never LOL, I’ll just throw random things on tumblr hahaha. Also, just all the fun we’re all having - the fact that multiple people have written/drawn for this AU makes it all the more precious to me, they’re our collective characters and we all get to play in the sandbox. ❤️

I don’t do much art, I’m not very good at it, but I do want to share one since I’ve shared a bit of it. I have a few pieces I’m actually really proud of, and it’s equal liking for all of them, but I’ll share just one so I don’t talk too much.

I really like this one because for once I kind of drew a face well?? And it’s at an angle I don’t usually draw and it turned out ok?? Also I’ve never drawn rain or wet hair, and I think it turned out well. And I just like Power’s design, especially at this stage in his life where his war attire/design is mixing with his royal attire/design, even if I can’t give it justice. :) Also, I think his tired expression turned out pretty well? Like he has an actual expression?? Anyway. I think it’s decent, I like it. :)

Thank you for this ask, it made me really happy and I couldn’t wait to answer it! :D But I have like 60 works on AO3 and even more here on tumblr, so there was no way I could narrow it all down, but I think I’ve listed most of my absolute favorites. :)