#anyway I hope this finds its intended audience

[mytardisisparked]

"Yes, I'll tell you." "Do you promise?" "Yes."

The Silence of the Lambs, by Thomas Harris | Click for better quality | Do not repost

[singularobject]

[kiyo-cant-write]

hi hi! jade req again, kinda toxic this time

can we get jade with a reader who’s really easy to manipulate and they know it? idk if it makes sense but like jade realizing reader isn’t oblivious to his manipulation, just kinda self-destructive and hopelessly into him

jade thought he was being slick because reader wasn’t calling him out on anything, but he overhears their conversation and finds out that they’re fully aware jade is a ton of red flags but is still staying anyway, and his reaction to that

i really hope this makes sense! idk how to word it

jade w/ an easily manipulated reader ✧･ﾟ

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Aw! Thank you for another request! I love Jade and Octavinelle so much! I hope that I did your idea justice. Please let me know if you'd like another request in the future! Onwards to the story! ^^

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Summary: Jade Leech has been stringing [Name] along for fun and due to the instruction of Octavinelle's Housewarden. He thought he was doing well... but it seems [Name] may have had ulterior motives.

TW/CW: Toxicity but the standard Fish Mafia kind

Notes: established "relationship", they/them pronouns for the reader, the reader is Yuu/Ramshackle Prefect, the reader is described as human and younger than Jade/frosh, ADeuce if you squint, implied to be post-Azul OB

Guest Stars: Deuce Spade, Ace Trappola, Grim, Azul Ashengrotto & Floyd Leech (referenced)

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✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

Jade Leech

As much of a sadist as Jade can be, he's not exceptionally cruel outside of what he deems as the necessity for his purposes.

He is a bit smug when he thinks he has [Name] under control.

Jade is pretending to be "honor student Jade Leech."

He acts as their friend and support albeit for the Lounge.

He pretends to care, to do everything to help them.

He smiles at them, speaks politely, and even "affectionately."

They trust him and they tell him things they shouldn't.

He will use those bits of information when the time comes.

Every time they have an inkling of doubt, he squashes it.

His surprise is evident when Floyd points out that it might not be the case this time, but Floyd is Floyd and doesn't explain.

Wanting to make sense of this discovery, Jade observes [Name].

He watches to see if [Name] really has caught onto him.

Jade is intrigued and what he finds does not disappoint.

He is surprised to find that they caught on long ago.

But they stayed? Why?

Because they "love" him?

Why would they love the guy trying to string them along?

It didn't make sense to him. He felt a tug at his heartstrings.

Did he feel bad about this?

He didn't know what to do.

Jade starts to avoid [Name] after realizing their feelings.

He retracts further into his honor student persona.

[Name] will not win this fight. He will not be bested by a freshman.

The battle has just begun and Jade needs to bury this sinking feeling in his chest. What does it mean anyway?

Floyd serves as a live studio audience to Jade's struggles.

Jade is an observer. That had been his role for so long, that he wasn't sure when it began. Ever since he was young, he would watch and calculate while Floyd was the type to rush into things, be impulsive, and just a tad stupid at times, at least when they were young. Jade never intended to make his observations a skill, but sooner or later, everything becomes an asset.

That's what his father had always said.

His mother worried about the sadistic streak in her son, but she couldn't do anything to prevent its development. Jade was, after all, a member of the Leech family. He and Floyd would join the family business sooner or later unless they wholly refused its offer.

"[Full Name]," Jade mused to himself, "How interesting."

Azul had been the one to ask him to pay extra close attention to Ramshackle's Prefect in case they strayed too far from things, or got into any trouble. The magicless human that had saved others from themselves, they interested the owner of Mostro Lounge. Jade had simply agreed with Azul's request, observation was his skill, after all.

It had never been meant to evolve, and certainly not into this.

Jade watched as this person fell for his polite words hook, line, and sinker. It was almost too easy. They were shockingly trusting, telling him all sorts of things he could use to be downright evil if he wanted to be. It wasn't time for that, not yet, but one should always guard their secrets (perhaps not as much as Azul, but at least a bit).

He didn't need to do anything unless the moment called for it.

At the time, it had not been necessary.

That was weeks ago.

Azul hadn't given further instructions and, to be fair about it, Jade didn't want to earn that octomer's ire. Not today, anyway. He and Floyd were troublesome, yes, but not stupid.

So, as Azul had instructed, he was trailing the Prefect until told otherwise (or until it became boring, whichever arose first). Though their reactions had been predictable, he could argue that things were getting boring now.

Floyd would have given up ages ago, he was sure of it.

[Full Name] was currently spending their time with their classmates, Ace Trappola (easily swayed by competition and bets) and Deuce Spade (note: gullible as a child). Jade had kept an eye on the three of them (and Grim) because of their closeness. It was rather irritating how buddy-buddy they were. He had worked a bit to get [Name] alone those few times they had spoken privately.

Standing away from the trio, Jade listened in on their conversation.

"[Name], I don't think that this is good," Deuce told them, clearly worried for their friend's mental state, "You need to be more careful. Don't you remember what happened to me and Ace?"

"I fucking remember!" Ace chimed in, "It sucked. Don't trust fish."

"Nya! Fish are food, not friends," Grim told them, "Especially eels!"

"Ah... You guys..."

Jade almost wanted to chuckle at Grim's words of "wisdom" but he withheld it, knowing that he mustn't give away his position. Not yet.

"You shouldn't trust Leech-senpai," Deuce continued, "Do you not remember how he and his twin brother acted before?"

"THEY TRIED TO KILL US, [NICKNAME]!!" Ace interrupted Deuce, earning him a glare from the navy-haired boy, "Sorry, Deuce-chan."

"Don't call me that."

What Deuce was doing could only be described as glowering.

"Lighten up and help me convince [Nickname] not to get themselves murdered by a shady eel and a shadier octopus!" Ace told him, slapping Deuce on the shoulder, "Just because they're better doesn't mean they're changed fish! Fish are suspicious!"

"Ace, do you have some fish-related trauma outside of campus that I should know about?" Deuce asked him, "It's starting to seem—"

"FOCUS ON [NICKNAME], DEUCE."

Ace's reddened face was a sign that Deuce was on to something with that fishy nonsense. Jade Leech would remember that fact.

Fish trauma. Noted.

"....Okay," Deuce agreed, turning back to [Name], "Do you want to tell us what you've been doing with Leech-senpai? We're worried..."

Deuce trailed off for a moment before he added a Deuce-typical offer.

"I can fight him if you want me to. They're messing with my friend."

"N-no thanks, Deuce... I don't think I need that," [Name] said, laughing at the antics of her friends and roommate, "Honestly, I know he's not being honest with me... But I don't really... care?"

The words surprised Jade but he refused to give himself away. There was more information to be gathered, for his own needs and Azul's.

They don't mind my dishonesty? Heh...

"I have never been more concerned for you than I am right now," Ace said, tone lacking its usual goofy undertone, "Do you want me to tell Mom and Dad about anything? They would help..."

Ace wasn't sure what to do but this was a worry. So frantic to say his sentence Ace neglected to register his misnomer for Vice Housewarden Trey Clover and everyone's favorite senpai Cater Diamond. He could lay awake and think about that later.

Deuce clearly felt similarly as he reached out to put a hand on [Name]'s. He wasn't good at solving problems of the emotional variety but he could be a support. Or, he would try to be one.

"Even if we can't say anything helpful... We can be here to listen."

"I appreciate it, but I'm fine," [Name] tried to assure them (but it wasn't working), "I just... I like Jade-senpai... and if this is how... he will talk to me... then I am okay with it. I've just been going along with all... that."

Jade felt time stop for a millisecond as he processed the words. They had been "playing along"? They didn't fall for every trick? Perhaps this was more interesting than he had thought. Still. He didn't like being bested, perhaps he needed to up his game...

"[Name], that's not good... I don't think..." Deuce managed.

"I wish Mom and Dad were here..." Ace mumbled.

"[Name], don't leave me for a fish! It's not even tuna!"

Grim clung to his human with small paws, tail swishing.

Jade was baffled not by those that Azul had previously controlled but by [Name] themself. They were something odd amongst the students of Night Raven College. They didn't shy away from his... methods.

But they said they liked him. He wondered if that made him feel something. He wasn't one to like other people, stay around them long... especially these landfolk.

It was a foreign concept.

Oh dear. [Full Name], you've managed to intrigue me now.

To the concern of Deuce, Ace, and Grim, Jade Leech wouldn't be letting his human prey go any time soon. Not for Azul, or his brother... This was something he was pursuing now. For better or worse.

I hope they're prepared to best me once more.

What would they say if I said I "loved" them? ♪

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Imagine the rest for yourself~

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✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

Thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Do NOT repost my writing/headcanons as your own >:c Check the top of my blog for the inbox status and read the rules before requesting. This is not a twst-only blog! ^^

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Them with a reader that worships another Archon

characters: Venti / Zhongli / Ei / Furina x gn!reader (separate)

warnings: none

a/n: Didn't write for Ei in a long time... not to mention Zhongli and Venti, so if I got some of their personality traits wrong, I'm sorry.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Venti 

“Let’s hope you’re not made out of sugar, or else we’re gonna have a tiny problem”, the Bard joked once he took a glance out of the window, the heavy rain and thunder that had come seemingly out of nowhere difficult to notice, even for the drunken inhabitants of Angel’s Share.

“Rain’s a nuisance at best, I’ll be fine”, your response lacked any signs of the usual annoyance people would feel in this situation, whether it was the alcohol or your attitude towards rain that made you seem almost relaxed was up for debate however.

Just as the words had left your mouth, a giant lightning caused the room to light up, soon followed by a deafening thunder, earning you a grin that spoke more than a thousand words. “Still only a nuisance?”

“Sure, the Raiden Shogun will protect me from the lightning”, came your dry response, causing the bard’s ears to perk up. Truth be told, he couldn’t care less about whatever god you were worshiping, forcing people’s hands or getting grumpy over their decisions was hardly the God of Freedom’s modus operandi. Although this did open up a whole new conversation topic.

“Want me to pass your mighty Raiden Shogun a message the next time I see her?”, Venti offered with a smirk, drawing a laugh out of you almost instantly.

“Yeah, sure Venti. I have no doubt you’d be able to play your way into an audience with her, especially since the last time you stepped foot into Inazuma went so swimmingly”, you jokingly responded, waving goodbye before readying yourself to run back home through the rain.

Zhongli

There was neither law nor contract that obliged the citizens of Liyue to worship Rex Lapis. Sure, the Archon might have been the city's patron god and had descended each year to give instructions and advice, but who’s name spilled out of its citizens' lips during their prayer was none of Zhongli’s business. 

And yet, when he heard a particular name slip out of your mouth, the Archon couldn’t help but furrow his eyebrows for the briefest of moments.

“Thank Barbatos, I was starting to think I’d never find it”, you let out a relieved sigh once your eyes finally spotted the pin on the floor, glistening as if it was calling out for its owner before quickly finding itself stuck onto your coat once again, your lips forming a small smile.

“Hmm? Is something the matter?”, you once again turned towards Zhongli, not missing the conflicted expression that had since long been replaced by his usual smile.

“Not at all. I was simply surprised for a moment, Barbatos Worshippers in Liyue are pretty scarce after all, although there’s certainly nothing wrong with having another Archon as one’s Deity.” His explanation was enough to satisfy you, as your conversation quickly shifted back to the previous topic. And yet the scene remained on his mind for quite a while.

Let’s hope you and your god’s paths never converged… for your faith’s sake.

Ei

Hearing you mumble another Archon’s name in your brief prayer before eating caused Ei’s hand to freeze just close to her mouth, leaving the small sweet hovering in front of her face as her eyes remained fixed on you, the silence gradually causing your face to turn all shades of red as you tried to hide your tenseness behind a polite smile.

“I didn’t know you worshiped Rex Lapis”, Ei stated, her tone coming out more accusatory than she ever intended, causing a small apology to follow shortly after, bringing the tension of the room down significantly. 

Humans were entitled to their own decisions, and yet hearing you worship another god left a… bitter taste in her mouth. Especially since she wasn’t sure whether or not it had to do with her or was totally unrelated, the thought that you liked another Archon more than her filling her with jealousy, no matter how ridiculous she knew the whole situation to be.

“My family originally came from Liyue, so praying to Rex Lapis before meals is somewhat of a tradition for me… even if I don’t worship him on many other occasions”, you explained sincerely, remembering scenes of sharing meals with your family as a small smile made its way onto your face.

Whether it was because of your explanation or the gentle expression on your face, but whatever semblance of jealousy Ei felt within her swiftly melted away, her shoulders relaxing before she finally took a bite of the food in front of her, the corners of her lips rising when you did the same.

Furina

Truth be told, when Furina heard another Archon’s name come out of your mouth she felt a wave of relief wash over her. The last thing she wanted was for you to put her on a pedestal, no matter how attention-seeking she could be from time to time. And while she couldn’t blame those still seeing her as their Archon, considering how she had played the role for generations, she wished for your relationship to be one of equals instead of a god and her worshiper.

“Ah, I guess praying to another Archon in front of a former one is a bit rude. I’m sorry-”, you rushed to form an apology once you noticed Furina’s silence, your face growing red in embarrassment and shame before being cut off by her.

“It’s fine, I’m not as vain as to feel slighted by such a non-issue”, she lifted her hand before waving you off, a smirk on her lips as she thought of what to say next. “I am no longer an Archon after all, so having people worship the grass the Archon ‘Focalors’ walks on would only serve as a distraction from how mesmerizing the great Furina is.”

A chuckle from you was all it took to bring her back down from her ego-trip, your smile quickly spreading over to her, and before she knew it, she was snickering herself.

“Alright, let’s get the great Furina a dessert as reward for her inexhaustible modesty.”

[therhythmafterthesummer]

The King of the Forest (M) ~Bang Chan | 02

Pairing: WerewolfKing!Chan x HumanPrincess(now Queen)!Reader Themes: Supernatural/Fantasy AU | Smut | Royalty | Mediaeval Setting Word Count: ~2k | AO3 Synopsis: You had one goal: get your husband’s expert opinion. It should’ve been a quick visit to his study… In hindsight, you should’ve known better. Warnings: pet names · mentions of murder · interruptions · pregnancy · graphic depictions of intercourse (smut warnings under the cut)

Author’s Note: a follow-up to The King of the Forest that no one asked for, but i wrote a while back anyway because this idea wouldn’t leave my brain, so now i’m sharing it. hope someone else out there gets to enjoy it💜 especial thanks to @notastraykid for helping me out with this

Due to all the abovementioned warnings, this story is intended for an adult audience only. Minors please do not interact.

Smut Warnings: mentions of public sex · oral [F.Rec]

Disclaimer: the story represented in this work does not represent Stray Kids in any way; anything described in this story and all actions performed by the characters are purely fictional, this was created just for good fun.

Being married to the King of the Forest, being crowned the Queen Consort of the Forest, entitled many things. You had to always take your subject’s needs into account, always had to try your best at providing them with a sense of security, of comfort, as if they were your own children.

You’d known this before you mated with Chris, before you became his wife and hopefully forever partner. You had also known how absolutely ravenous your husband was when it came to physical intimacy. You’d had a taste of it when he was courting you, during that year when you were planning your escape from your father’s home, but it seemed like that need for you had increased tenfold after you mated.

And, to be honest, you weren’t doing any better.

You weren’t sure how the mysticism of it all worked, but after getting marked by Chris as his mate, it was like you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. It didn’t matter where you were, what you were doing, who you were with, if the need became unbearable it was just a matter of time before one of you acted on it.

It all got so much worse when you got pregnant.

You were horny all the time, your husband was always ready to give you any relief he could, not only that but he was horny all the time, too. He’d been complaining that he couldn’t be near you when he was working on anything particularly important, because as soon as he got a whiff of your scent, slightly altered with his pups now growing inside of you, got him hard immediately, and it made him a bit feral.

Which was how you ended up here, sitting on his desk, in his study, with his head between your legs.

You’d come here only to relay some messages the Royal Advisor had given you, to ask Chris’ opinion on the matter. It took a total of ten seconds after you’d stepped into his study for him to sit you on his desk, drop to his knees, tug your undergarments off of your legs, and for his tongue to find its way between your folds.

With your legs over his broad shoulders, your long skirt hunched up at your waist, your dear husband placed a hand on your small bump, stroking it softly with his thumb. With his other hand, Chris squeezed the soft flesh of your thigh as licked and sucked on your clit. He feasted on you as if his life depended on it, as if you both would die if he didn’t, and, in a way, you felt as if that would be exactly the case.

Quiet whines and moans fell from your lips as you felt sparks of pleasure travel through your body. With a hand on the desk behind you for stability and the other buried in Chris’ hair, tugging and pulling the soft strands between your fingers, you got completely lost in the feel of him. His satisfied groans and hums, his loving, yet still animalistic gaze, all of it combined with his diligent tongue had you so, so incredibly close to your release, there was just no doubt in your mind that he’d get you there soon, and, hopefully, you’d get his monster cock inside of you afterwards, too.

“Oh, darling…” You bit your lower lip, a poor attempt to contain the desperate sounds trying to leave your mouth, to keep your volume to a minimum. After all, you were in his study, anyone could walk by and hear you. It wasn’t like you particularly minded if they did, it just got you a bit bashful. Chris, on the other hand, didn’t care at all.

‘I’m the King, my love. I can do what I want, and if what I want is to have my gorgeous Queen screaming my name, uncaring of who hears, no one can stop me…’ Chris had told you once, in a low whisper against your ear, between pants and groans. With his chest against your back, a hand fondling one of your breasts over your gown, and the other on your hip, he told you this, casually, as if he wasn’t railing you against the wall of a very public–albeit usually empty–corridor in his den. ‘But if it makes you uncomfortable, as Queen, as the love of my life, as a person, you can also do whatever you want, including keeping quiet…Or trying to…’

“That’s so good, my dear, my heart…I’m so, so close…” You could barely speak, your voice came out in hushed whispers, even more so when Chris was looking at you with that glint in his eyes that always reminded you who he was, what he was. He just hummed in understanding, moving back up from where he’d been licking at your entrance, to suck your clit into his mouth.

You inhaled deeply, throwing your head back. Your legs started to tremble, his licks were getting faster, the pressure of his tongue and the gentle sucks of his lips were just right, so good your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You were almost there, you could feel the tell-tale signs of your orgasm shining in the horizon, and it was just when you were going to finally reach it that–

“Your Majest–Oh, shit!”

The door of Chris’ study slammed open, your skeleton almost jumped out of your skin with the sudden thud of the door against the wall, and Chris immediately detached himself from your centre and covered you with your skirt.

He didn’t mind if people heard your sounds of pleasure, but he hated the mere thought of anyone else seeing you in ways only he could, or so he had told you once. 

“For fuck’s sake, Minho!” Frustration was rolling thickly off of your husband, and you almost whined at the loss of contact when he removed your legs from his shoulders and stood up from the floor, wiping his mouth and chin with the back of his hand. “Someone better be dying!”

“I’m so sorry for interrupting your…marital affairs”, Minho had turned around and looked away as soon as he’d spotted you and your husband in the act, which you appreciated. “But this is of the utmost importance, my King”.

Chris sighed, adjusting his length, trying to make the tent in his trousers a bit less obvious. A very futile attempt, in your humble opinion, but if it gave him peace of mind, you wouldn’t comment on it. “Turn around. What the fuck is it now?”

Minho finally turned, and he regarded you with an apologetic smile, a bow, and a greeting of ‘Your Grace…’ before he directed his attention back to the King. “We received a magpie from the borders, Your Majesty”.

Minho handed Chris a piece of paper, which your husband took immediately to read it carefully. It was silent for a few seconds, and as soon as he was done, Chris sighed, bringing a hand to his hair and tugging the more than mussed curls on his head. “Was this all they said?”

“Yup. No further messages, Your Majesty”, Minho replied simply, crossing his arms behind his back and waiting for his King’s instructions.

Chris remained quiet for a minute, until he sighed again, folding the piece of paper. “Double patrol. Anything that happens in the forest, any whisper heard, I want to know it. Tell them to report every single thing they find out of place, any conversation they hear, any outsider they see. Everything. Got it?”

Minho hummed. “Understood, Your Majesty”.

“Good. Next time…shit, at least knock, Minho”, Chris walked back towards the desk, where you were still sitting, with one leg crossed over the other and resting your weight on both of your hands, listening intently. “You’re dismissed”.

“Understood, Your Majesty”, Minho said again, although this time, there was a hint of a smile in his voice, a hint of an amused tone. It didn’t surprise you, considering Chris and Minho grew up together. ‘He might as well be my brother’, Chris told you once.Even if Minho was the King’s assistant, he was probably one of the few people that could get away with making jokes at the expense of your husband, a very close second to you.

As soon as Minho left, closing the door behind him, Chris came to stand in front of you, dropping the piece of paper on his desk and sighing in annoyance as he placed his hands on your growing belly, with his eyes fixed on it.

You brought a hand to one of his, caressing the back of it as your eyes seeked his. “What happened?”

“Pup…” Chris’ eyes finally peeled away from your belly, fixing his gaze on your eyes instead. He looked a bit…worried. Just a bit, but enough to make you worry. “Remember…what I told you a handful of months back? After we mated?”

“You told me many things back then, my love”, you chuckled, trying to ease the tense mood that had settled in the room. 

A small smile made its way onto his lips, and he immediately leaned in to peck your lips. “When we spoke about…your father?”

You took a deep breath at that. Your father was one of those topics you tried to not talk about often. It angered you too much. Regardless, you did remember what Chris had told you back then, of course you did. “That you’ll kill anyone that tries to take me away from you”.

Chris hummed in confirmation, just as his thumbs started to trace circles on your belly. “Seems like your father’s looking for you”.

Your eyes widened a bit, and your soft caresses on the back of Chris’ hand stopped.

You honestly didn’t think your father would even try to look for you… You wondered if he even knew what had happened to you, if he had any theories at all, since you really didn’t leave anything behind to give any leads on your whereabouts.

“They have spotted people with your father’s crest roaming the forest, talking with locals in the nearby towns…Asking for any information on a missing woman whose description matches yours”, Chris brought one of his hands to your face, cupping your cheek so he could softly drag his thumb over your skin. “I doubt they’ll find their way here, but one can never be too sure… If it came to it, what would you want us to do?”

You looked your husband in the eyes for a moment. You knew there was no way you’d go back to your former life, much less now that you had the results of your love growing inside of you. “I’m willing to talk to my father… To give him closure. I probably should have done it before I left, but I honestly didn’t think he’d care”.

“And if he tries to take you back?”

“Then you’ll kill him”, you answered in a heartbeat, with no hesitation. A smile spread on Chris’ face, a genuine one, one that made his eyes disappear into adorable crescents, one that showed just how proud he felt. “Or I will. Whoever gets to do it first”.

Chris chuckled, pulling you in for a kiss. Looping your arms around his neck, you pulled him closer to you, uncrossing your legs so he could settle himself between them, holding your hips tightly.

“That’s my girl…” Chris mumbled against your mouth, and you would’ve chuckled, had it not turned you on so much.

Your legs wrapped around your husband’s waist, pulling him in further into you, just as his tongue made its way inside your mouth, its soft nudges against your own making you moan quietly. As you buried your fingers in Chris’ hair, as you raked your nails over his scalp and his clothed back, you couldn’t help but feel those familiar butterflies awaken in the pit of your stomach, and he clearly picked up on it.

In a few minutes, he was back on his knees, pushing your skirt out of the way again and bringing your legs to their rightful place on his shoulders. 

“Now, where were we, pup?”

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General Masterlist

[liesmyth]

Good morning,

my sister and I as queerish catholicish people* have been fascinated with the the new pope drama.

Anyways we were wondering about context.

When the pope was asking the vatican to "tone down the faggotry" was he

Deliberatly condemning homosexuls in the vatican?

Asking vatican employees to stop gay sex while at work.

Asking vatican employees to stop behaving in a stereotypically gay way at work?

Asking vatican employees to stop being so extra? This is pope Francis after all. He's not really a big luxury guy.....and maybe he finds the drag race aesthetic to be at odds with votes of poverty. (The documentary "Paris is burning" might correct that misunderstanding...but I can see how a general apeal to tone down extragance combined with a new slang phrase in his second language could cause this.

I do understand that whatever the context for the quote was, pope Francis used the wrong term.

But Im really curious what he was trying to accomplish.

Also how do I pronounce your new Url as I relay this information to my family?

*I am a practicing queer raised catholic and she a practicing catholic at a queer independent catholic** church

**yes its existence shocked me to, but they have like 18 members and a local epicable let's them met in thier space in off hours. And they take nor give any money to the vactican and sing the old mass.

Ok your sister's queer independent catholic church sounds honestly cool af. Hope they're having fun in there.

Context: the Pope was telling (Italian) bishops that the Church should discourage gay men from joining, and "there's too much homosexuality (faggotry) in seminaries already." We don't know the context as this was leaked, but if I HAD to make a guess I would say_ 1) This is undoubtedly a homophobic statement 2) this is coming from a guy who feels strongly that clergy should respect their votes of chastity, which a lot of priests straight-up ignore.

So, like. Francis HAS gone on record saying that gay men are likely to falter in their vocations or whatever. But if I had to speculate, and I don't believe I'm being overly charitable here, I think the point of his speech was, "By the way, priests should not fuck, remember that? And maybe men who are into men are more likely to fuck their colleagues and keep quiet about it, we all know it happens way too much."

But yeah tldr: he WAS "deliberately condemning homosexuals" in a "gay people are more likely than straight people to give in to the temptations of the flesh" kinda way. Which IS homophobic but not outrageously so, and I think very much in line with his overall line re: queer people in the Church, kind of when he said "Blessings to same-sex couples are fine! It's not the same thing as a real marriage tho."

I think it was a remark that wouldn't have raised any eyebrows among its intended audience if he hadn't used that word, which gave people who don't like him a lot of ammo to discredit him and motivation to leak the story. That's also why I think there's no way he was aware of the full implications of the word — would this pope say slurs in private? idk. maybe. I don't know him. Would he say slurs in front of an audience of bishops when half the Vatican can't stand him because they think he's a dangerous third-world outsider and a hardass? No fucking way.

At least that's my take. I'm gonna @monstrousgourmandizingcats who may have better insight.

this is how you pronounce it!

[starhaloeklypse]

Ladies, Gentleman, Those who identify as neither or both, It is FINALLY here. I am so excited to bring this comic to you all and I hope it resonates with many of you out there. Here is my cover of the Undertale Fan Comic I’m working on; “JigsawTale : The Ascension of the PuzzleMaster”. A Post-Pacifist ending long-running Undertale fanwork that centers the perspective of Papyrus. He’s our main character, and we’ll get to see how well he integrates into life on the surface in the human world , along with all of his friends and found family. How difficult is life for monsters who are perceived as even stranger than the average monster is ? He’ll have many obstacles to overcome because Papyrus just isn’t like most monsters. I’m very excited to share my work with you all, this story means so much to me and so much of it is inspired by and informed by my own lived experience. Papyrus is the character I relate to the most in pretty much all of fiction and I feel like I’m telling my story through him, sort of, but also his own at the same time. He’s my favorite for a reason and I think it’s time we give him a moment to shine. The story may contain some potentially triggering topics and events , but when the time comes I’ll be sure to give multiple detailed warnings for anything that needs it. It’s also meant to be viewed by older audiences as such, I’m not really intending for this story to be viewed by kids, it is a story that centers the perspective of an adult who doesn’t always get to feel like one and not only do I think it’ll resonate with that audience more, but it may not be suitable for those who are younger at all times, so I’d proceed with caution. Also I feel I should clarify, I don’t personally see this as much of an “AU”, To me it’s not an alternate universe, so much as it is an extended timeline that asks “What happens to everyone after the end of the ‘pacifist’ run, and what if we looked at all of that from Papyrus’ perspective ?” It’s closer to an epilogue story. Outside of Asgore and Toriel not being immortal in my version of the story and closer to middle age, there are no major differences to the original game, not enough to be considered an AU anyway, but if you see me tag it as one, that’s just to make it easier to find. Regardless , I hope everyone who’s interested gets a chance to read my story when it’s out, it’ll still probably be a while before that happens as I have a lot of things to work on and art skills to improve , but when the day comes , you will know. I plan to continue trying to update when I can. This is just to promote the comic and I hope it reaches as many people as possible. Thank you all for your time and patience, I’m beyond excited.

If you’re interested in the comic and would like to support its development financially , considering I’m a one-man band working on all of this by myself, I’d really appreciate it. If you’d like to request art from me I’d be happy to do so in exchange for donations as well. Any amount helps, and I’d be eternally grateful. Of course however, do not feel pressured to donate. I appreciate you tuning in either way and I hope you all enjoy the story.

[razorblade180-heated]

A wonderful performance

[Hey, it’s a smut]

[Disclaimer, I wrote a fair share of this before 4.3 so it’s been reconstructed quite a bit. Spare me.]

“The grass is always greener on the other side” is a well known phrase put to test in many plays, movies, and of course, life. Furina had witnessed this truth many times over the centuries but she never thought it would rear its head as she was granted her new lease on life. At last she had been granted a chance at peace, simplicity, freedom, and way off stage. These were all things that brought a sense of ease to a wary mind that she did not take for granted. However, not even she expected to breathe a sigh of relief upon being granted a Vision. Maybe it was because she felt a lack of power her entire life? Whatever the reason, excitement stirred in her chest under the pale moonlight as she stood on the shore line using her gift to have a certain sway over the low tide. Divinity was something Furina didn’t care for and she was sure gaining mastery over her abilities would open more peculiar doors rather than a path of peace; yet that didn’t terrify her. Rather, Furina felt relief in knowing if she chose to stand on stage and greet the audience with another spectacle, it just might be possible. The humor heart is indeed a fickle thing.

“I’ve truly lost my mind.” She chuckled under her breath, forming a seashell out of hydro.

“That’s pretty.” Called out a familiar voice.

Furina’s broken concentration brought her creation splashed onto the sand. She looked to her right to see none other than Aether walking over, soaked head to toe. “Night swimming are we? Will wonders never cease?”

“Sorta? I was helping someone looking for something as well as collecting a few resources.”

“For your sake I hope it wasn’t crustaceans. Only a few are allowed to the public in this area during this time of season. I doubt you have the list memorized.”

“Pfft, is that so?” He laughed, until he saw Furina stare with unblinking eyes. “Wait, that’s an actual law!?”

“I am going to pretend you found some old mechanical tools and played with the otters.”

“I mean…that also did in fact happen.” He got closer to the girl before sitting on the white sandy beach. “Anyway, what brings you out here in the dead of night? Looks like you’re training.”

“Training? Ha!” Furina snapped her fingers and her honored guests appeared, running around to play while Furina crossed her legs and sat on a bubble she made. “I’m reveling in my new found strength.” She boasted happily, summoning a wheel that held different desserts.

Aether still couldn’t believe how effortless Furina made that look. “Wow, you already found multiple ways to use hydro.”

“The power of water is the ability to take any shape after all. I can even walk across it. Wouldn’t want to go around drenched all the time now would we?” She teased.

“It’s not that bad. Though I probably should’ve brought a towel to-” before he could even finish, Furina took all of the moisture out of his clothes while eating a piece of cake. “Huh…you sure you’re not somehow still an Oceanid or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Although, his question did make her look at her hands as well as examine the beautiful deep blue gem that made this all possible. “…It’s always said Visions are a blessing, a favor from the gods. I wouldn’t really know but… maybe it only makes sense I’m naturally adept at this. It’s a strange feeling. Mirror-me didn’t really teach me a lot and at the same time it feels like it would’ve been redundant.”

“Do you somehow feel closer to her now?”

“In a sense, I suppose so. I can’t really say how that feels. It simply is what it is. Fate is odd like that. Either way, I intend to express all of me. Even if I don’t exactly understand yet what that means for me.” Furina looked at the ocean. “To think after everything I can still find peace at this sight.”

“I’m sure many others feel the exact same conflicting feeling.”

“Fontainian’s and their homeland. We’re certainly a colorful group of people.” She smiled. “Although it would be wonderful if we could be a little less observant. It took entirely too much effort to sneak over here. I even ran into Clorinde during a shift change apparently. Fortunately we remain pleasant towards one another. I do hope she takes the night off like I suggested.”

“Hold on. Sneaking? Why were you sneaking around? There’s no curfew. Though I do imagine most normal people are in bed by now.”

“I don’t think that last sentence was necessary.” She scoffed. “Need I remind you that you’re here as well?”

“Don’t try and get around the question.”

“Ugh, it’s nothing, honest. I just…would rather not bump into many people. After all…Poisson isn’t the only place resentment lingers.” Furina’s bubble popped, causing her to land on the sand as she deflated. “Not that I can blame them.”

“Things like these take time. A lot has happened. It’ll take a while to process.”

“I might know that better than most. I doubt I've truly come to terms with even half of what I feel inside. Regardless, I’m not looking or expecting forgiveness. Their animosity is completely warranted. I could only treat symptoms to what was a long and threatening illness, I. The grand scheme of things that is.”

Aether scrunched his face. He couldn’t exactly call himself the biggest optimist in general or when it came to the prophecy. Even so… “I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit. In fact, neither did I. Be it your powers or lack thereof, you’re very quick to learn and adapt. Not to mention resilient. I’m sorry if it ever came across that I underestimated you.”

Furina felt her cheeks gain a little warmth. Here she was saying she didn’t need apologies or forgiveness, yet hearing it from Aether did nicely for her guilty heart. Not to mention the genuine praise of her capabilities. “Thank you, but really, there’s no need. If I was underestimated then that only means I did my job well, right? I never wanted anyone to see me worry or anything of the sort. It would’ve only brought them closer behind the curtain meant to be shut. I won’t say it wasn’t frustrating; no, I could never say that. Also, if you ask me, not being able to do more because I lacked the power to is a poor excuse. I wish I could have saved more people if anything.”

Aether could see the deep regret in her tired expression, born not from lack of trying, but from the fact her best was all she had. Aether wished he could properly disagree, but he knows the sting of wishing to be better well.

“Furina…”

“Heh, sorry.” She shook away the negative thoughts. “I didn’t mean to make this conversation heavy. I should try following Navia’s example more. Moving on is nearly impossible if all you do is bring up the past. Fontaine is in safer hands now.”

“They’ve always been.” He said with a stern voice that caught Furina’s attention. “We might not be able to do everything we wish we could, but that doesn’t mean you were lacking or inadequate. Earlier today I heard someone thank their blessings by giving gratitude to the Hydro Archon; another person said your name fondly in regards to this nation’s safety. Some even went as far as to call you Focalor.”

“Wh-What!? The news by now has had to have circulated even to the other lands about…you know…”

“My point exactly. You’re tired and down on yourself. I get that. Still, I hope you know for many people, real or not, you were their Hydro Archon for 500 years and held your responsibilities right to the very end. When that title is invoked many will think of you, and if you were to ask them me, I’d tell you that’s earned. I hope you can find comfort in that somehow.”

Furina didn’t understand why this shocked as much as it did. If anything, she was always highly aware of the feelings her, or rather, Fontaine’s people held. If she weren’t honest with herself, though the role she played brought unimaginable grief, she held zero regret in her choice or could say there was absolutely no joy over the centuries. Even the saddest of tragedies had their glimmer of light. If they didn’t, how would the character, performer, or audience truly understand what was tragic about it all?

“You know something? I think you might actually make for a good attorney. Not only do you bring sound reasoning consistently, but somehow you always seem to sway what’s in a person’s heart.”

Aether couldn’t help but laugh off the thought awkwardly. “Thanks for the compliment, but I'm honestly a nervous wreck every time I was in those stands. Don’t think I have the stomach for it all that much. Speaking of which…” he trailed off.

“Ah… is this the part where you want to apologize for nearly getting me killed?” Furina said quickly and with the utmost bluntness.

“That…was no one’s plan. I’m the slightest I might add.”

“Mmhmm, buuuut it certainly happened. There’s a suspended death sentence in my name inside some filing cabinet. That exists now.” She teased further, poking his arm with faux aggression. “As I said earlier, there’s no need to apologize for those things. I can see that I didn’t make things easy and how everyone, including myself, did all we could with what we understood. It wouldn’t make sense to hold that against any of you. However…I won’t lie and say I didn’t feel…blindsided.”

She said it nicely, but Aether remembered the hurt that riddled her eyes in the moment she realized she was lured into a trap.

“You’re right.” He said, turning away from her gaze to look at anything across the water. “I still wanted to say I’m sorry. It’s just that…”

He grew silent. Furina could understand but was still rather annoyed how now he was the one making things heavy and looking back! “Just what? Out with it already.” She crossed her arms.

“…I never wanted to make you cry.”

The rolling waves filled the space between them as they both let his words hang in the air. Furina could see the tips of his ears become stricken with red while she felt a flutter in her chest. Of all things that happened that day, she would’ve never guessed that’s what he was going to say.

“I…” she sighed. Damnit! You would think at this point she could handle curveball situations like this as quickly and easily as breathing. Furina took a deep exhale before breathing in composure, displaying a smile he couldn’t see and summoning bravado. “What an interesting thing to say. Let’s be honest with ourselves. It’s not as if you made me cry. Saying so would be taking credit from hundreds of other reasons I often want to cry about. It just so happened that day the scales tipped! Also…” her became more earnest, “Fate said I was going to weep. So please, don’t feel bad. Okay?”

Aether turned back around to see Furina showing off a smile that said “it’s fine.” Aether smiled back. “Someone is certainly more expressive.”

“I am an actress! It’s my duty to convey my feelings with my glance and every movement!” She said proudly.

“It’s a little confusing though when you look fed up yet clearly give longing looks, Madame Focalor.” He said with a cheeky grin.

Her face flared red. Furina would’ve thought her ears had grown weary of that name; yet hearing his lips say it was….“I-I have done no such thing! You’re simply awful at reading people! And don’t call me that so casually! More importantly, are you saying your gaze is so fixed on me to the point of pondering my feelings about trivial things?”

“So those glances are trivial?” He teases. “You wound me.”

“So you do want them to be longing? Ah ha!” She pointed, watching him play off the accusation with an eye roll. “Roll your eyes all you like. It’s not like I can blame fleeting flights of fancy. I still am Fontaine’s biggest celebrity!” She stands up proudly.

Aether begins clapping in a way that could only be described as petty. Furina couldn’t believe even after all of this, admitting he might have a certain fondness for her was beyond him. Meanwhile, the young man was glad to see her look more energetic. It would seem like the chip on her shoulder wasn’t all an act. It was definitely amusing and nice, if not a little tiring at times. Furina de Fontaine in a nutshell.

The air between them began to feel more playful and rather mischievous as Furina gave a smirk, taking this man by the hands and pulling him up to his feet.

“What’s all this about?”

“I figured you’ve done nothing but grill my authenticity while you play coy. Admittedly your acting is fine but I hardly say that role suits you. All this time I’ve barely seen anything that constitutes your praise as an adventure.”

“What!? I helped save Fontaine! It’s not my fault you weren’t around for the one huge battle!”

“Excuses. That’s all I hear from you. You’re definitely cunning and quick witted, but I’m strangely unconvinced; so if you’re going to keep your eyes on me, might as well put them to the test along with a few other skills.” Furina puts her hat on Aether and tilts it down just over his eyes. “Hold it just like that and count to 70. No cheating now.”

Aether holds the hat like she says. “And when I’m done?”

“You’re a renowned traveler who’s been here for a while haven’t you? Let’s see just how well you know your way around this kingdom. Start counting.”

He could hear her sprint off swiftly. In a matter of seconds, all he could hear was the waves. Furina sure could move when she wanted to. Aether laughed as he continued to count mentally. As he hit 70, he removed the hat from his face and immediately noticed the water stole her footprints aside from the ones immediately next to him.

“Well played Furina. Well played…”

xxxxx

Skipping, giggling and sneaking about, Furina happily moved around her beloved territory. Skilled or not, Aether was in her domain. The likelihood of him even knowing the patrol of the Gardes was incredibly low.

“I do hope he makes this interesting for me.” She hummed, heading west from the main plaza.

“Psssst!” Hissed a few streets away.

Furina whipped her head around and gasped, spotting the blonde sitting at a table with a smug smile. How did he get here so quickly!? It had to be luck, right? Her answer came as he casually pointed to his shoes. Furina looked down at her own and noticed not all of the sand had abandoned the soles.

“Ah…..” Furina looked back up, gave a sheepish shrug, then immediately took off sprinting around the corner.

“Guess we’re doing tag rules then.”

Aether got up with her hat in hand before giving chase. She really was quick on her feet. He barely saw a flash of blue fabric float by as he turned the corner himself. Deeper and deeper he went into Fontaine’s alleyways; going under aquabus bridges and slipping through a side path he’s never noticed. Unlike the other places he’s visited, Fontaine’s major city somehow managed to feel dense one moment then open space the next. The chase was harder than he expected. Furina seemed to slip past every stacked box and promotional sign like a street cat. Clearly this was a path well traversed by her. It was probably how someone with her level of fame managed to slip away from unfavorable situations.

Furina casually ducked between a gap in a fence and around the back of a bakery to find herself one of the most out of the way and peaceful spots in Fontaine. It was a pretty little alleyway; hardly was there any foot traffic during the busiest days. Almost makes her wonder if her people notice it. This precious little space might as well not exist. Furina was convinced some criminal at least had to know about it, but no. This was easily her favorite little hiding hole away from prying eyes.

She put her back against the brick wall and caught her breath. Next time she’ll remember to check her shoes. She had planned to get here a little more eloquently. Oh well. She looked back the way she came, as well as down the path that would lead back to the main streets. No sign of her pursuer.

Did he double back? That was a possibility, but Furina definitely heard his steps hot on her heels for some time. “No way I actually gave him the slip.” She whispered to herself.

“Perish the thought.” He responded.

Furina’s hat fell right onto her head. Her gaze looked towards the sky to see him look down from the roof. With a single hop, he descended and landed right in front of her before she could think about slipping away. Aether put his hands on either side of her and smirked.

“That’s the game. Convinced of my skills now?”

“Quite a lot of effort you put into this. All I’m convinced of is how you can’t stand not having your eyes on me.” Furina playfully wrapped her right hand around his white scarf. It was softer than it looked. “I typically find this level of dedication from my friends a nuisance. I hope you understand that?”

“So I’m a fan now?”

“Aren’t you?”

“I might be. You are definitely talented. I’d see another show.”

“Heh, I rest my case then.” She may have been exaggerating before but now that he was this close… “I can’t be mad about eyes that are this pretty watching me.”

“Like you could be mad at all. Are we still acting like you didn’t lead me here?”

“Is that so~ An interesting accusation.”

“Well I can’t be a fan of Furina de Fontaine if I couldn’t claim to understand her even just a little bit. She’s smarter than she leads on; always thinking about her next move to get what she wants because how could she not? It’s who she is. So, Furina, go ahead. Take what you want~”

She tried remaining resolute in their face off. At this point however, Furina grew intolerant of theatrics; especially when his were so thinly veiled. Even so, she had to admit his commitment to it was something she couldn’t help but stubbornly adore. “I swear…you are so…” Furina didn’t even bother finishing her words.

She wrapped her hand further, pulling Aether down into a feverish kiss neither could resist any longer. Furina invited the boy's eager tongue to slip in between her lips while his right hand grabbed her by the waist and pressed her body up against him. Her left arm draped over his shoulder then folded in to keep his lips right where she wanted. Not that he had thoughts of leaving. Aether leaned deeply into the kiss, fully exploring her so-called, “prideful mouth.” Although right now, the only thing escaping from it were the moans he stole from her.

They savored every second of their growing passion in the secluded alleyway until Furina released him at least. Their chests heaved, desperately taking air as the two of them stared at each other’s reddened faces. She could feel his growing excitement press against her stomach and couldn’t help but smirk.

Her bewitching eyes glowed a faint blue that Aether couldn’t help but drown in. Furina’s hands began moving again, slowly trailing down his chest, then his stomach, and finally stopping at his hips as her fingers tugged on his waistband.

“Isn’t public indecency a crime?”

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” Her voice hummed with a playful hunger that reached her smile. Though it seemed Aether wasn’t letting her have free reign entirely. His right hand took both of her wrists and she let out a small gasp as he put them overhead against the wall. “Scared of getting caught?” She teased, trying to sound unbothered.

“Not exactly, but am I not worthy of your chambers?”

“Ha! And you claim I’m not the honest one? How can a I grant a plea if you’re not clear~” Furina kept her eyes on his. She used her right leg to press against the outside of his left, rubbing up against it teasingly so. His face said everything, but Furina wanted his words. “Go on, speak your mind.”

Aether gladly spoke his mind, but not before keeping Furina in check. He had no problem expressing his desires, but he wasn’t about to let her ego grow so easily. Furina remained unblinking as he removed his left glove with his teeth before dropping it. Aether found his way to her soft and cool torso, dipping lower into her shorts. The actress’s blush only grew along with her sultry smile when he reached wet, warm lips that his fingers slowly massaged.

Furina let out a quiet sigh as the adventurer slipped into her and started curling two fingers to the point her hips jutted out and her teeth sunk into her bottom lip.

“Mmm~”

“We’ve danced around too long to get to this point.” Aether leaned into Furina’s ear. “I want to savor you, so let’s take this behind closed doors; my dear Madam Focalor.”

Such a lovely little act. “That can be arranged.” She let his face back up just a little before stealing his lips. Again, his tongue was greeted by hers; only this time her hips were way more involved in their passion. Furina didn’t even try to free her wrists from his grasp. He was getting so forceful with her body. So…possessive. It was becoming a bit of a struggle to do anything besides listen, and despite her pride, Furina was finding bliss. Aether didn’t stop stirring her insides as he started to ravish her neck. Furina would’ve been done for if it wasn’t for Aether suddenly stopping the moment her knees began buckling. His fingers left her body but she quickly grabbed the lustful hand, catching Aether by surprise. She wouldn’t be put on the back foot completely.

“Shall we get going?” Furina said, guiding his hand to her face. She looked right at him with intense eyes as wrapped her lips around the two soaked digits, licking them clean. Furina left no space between them. Even if he tried to downplay the emotions on his face, the hot throbbing that poked her lower body told all of the blonde’s secrets. “I wouldn’t blame you however, if you needed just a moment of clarity before we made the trip.” Just how long could the boy endure? Furina was eager to find out. She snaked his hand around her throat to make him even more flustered, but was caught off guard to feel his grip tighten just enough for her to realize. Another gasp left her; and Aether leaned in real close.

“Lower your shorts.”

A victory for Furina, although just like always, she had put herself in a position where backing down wasn’t an option. She pulled down her shorts to her knees, allowing the chill air to greet her body while her hands were already pulling down Aether’s pants until she felt his erection spring out and tap her inner thigh. Thank goodness it was dark. It was the only thing hiding just how comically red her cheeks have gotten. Her digits ran along its length, memorizing its shape as she made it slick with a mixture of their arousal and a bit of hydro. His free hand found her butt and made her smirk even more apparent as she felt him squeeze.

“Guess you couldn’t wait after all?”

“Hush.” He groaned.

Air filled Furina’s lungs as she felt Aether push into her. Her playful gaze left as her eyes became wide from the intrusion that commanded her body to hold it tightly. “Oooh my~” Furina grabbed his face and pulled him into another tongue war as Aether rolled his hips into hers. “Mmph!!” Every thrust stole a moan. His hold on her neck remained steady while her waist was kept firmly in place for him to gouge out her insides.

Aether’s grunts matched her feverish panting she snuck in between breaths. How’d he allow her to rile him up so easily? It was as if he was spellbound, burdened with a thirst only she could quench and a desire to shut Furina up. Neither wanted to lose this little game of theirs, but Aether could barely think straight, feeling just how tight her walls are. Not to mention how wet and warm the girl was. If it wasn’t for the smacking of their make out session, the leading noise in this alleyway would be the sound of her pussy swallowing him up. The harder he thrusts, the more Furina sucked on his tongue. She moved her hands around the back of his head in fear of the pleasure causing her to squeeze his face too hard. What was meant to be a bit of foreplay had turned into full blown fucking.

“Anghn, like that~” her voice trembled. “Just like that.” Her body yielded to his movements as his cock dug into a sweet spot repeatedly. In this moment Aether could make her throw her pride aside as long as she got to cum. Every pump felt so heavy and wanting of her body. No person could deny such ecstasy. Not even a god. Furina pried her lips away from Aether’s for her own sanity. “H-Hey…you can cum.. whenever y’know?” Praying he’d leave her with the ability to walk at least.

The strength in her voice waned but Aether found it endearing. He let go of her throat and let her head rest over his shoulder; partly for his own benefit. They both may have started off too strongly. Aether gave several more thrusts before forcing himself to pull out. It was so sudden that Furina’s legs nearly gave out.

“C-Careful!” She trembled. Furina looked down at the unruly appendage that stirred her, watching it spill its seed. “Now, now, evidence is the last thing we need to leave.” She pointed at the mess and washed it away with a stream of hydro before going a little limp on top of the boy.

Aether let out a chuckle. “That’s certainly handy. You okay?”

“Better shape than you. Though a small break is much deserved for your efforts.” She said, sinking into the wall as if it was some luxury mattress.

“Heh, why thank you.”

Both of them found their antics a little ridiculous yet oh so fun at this point. Furina had half a mind to pull the blonde in for another kiss when suddenly, a rumbling trash can startled them stiff. Aether quickly clothed himself and covered Furina from any prying eyes. Their quick maneuvering was in vain however. The trash fell over and out from behind it was a simple cat running off.

Thankful for the outcome but now on edge, Furina realized perhaps Aether had a point. She had no idea how she would’ve explained this to a Garde. “Let’s move this performance to my chambers.” She whispered.

xxxxxx

“ Anyone could say what they want about Furina, but they can’t say she isn’t entertaining.” Those words were always echoed by the people of Fontaine. Aether had to admit every day understood those words more and more. Beyond entertaining however, Furina was surprisingly cunning in unpredictable ways. It made sense for a ruler, former or otherwise, to know their kingdom, but for her to lead Aether all the way to her abode unseen through the quietest Fontainian streets was rather impressive indeed.

“You know you’re quite mischievous when you want to be.”

“It’s my personal spice of life. Everything deserves a little twist.” She took him by the scarf again and walked backwards into her room. By the time the door clicked, Furina was already feeling him up once more as they kissed against it. Frankly it was amazing they kept their hands off each other long enough to get here. It would appear Aether had recovered from their brief but wonderful moment of bliss. Good. Furina wasn’t done with him yet.

Aether felt her hands mess with her shirt and helped her out by raising his arms to quickly discard it. Furina continued to guide him by the lips further into the room then playfully pushed him onto her extravagant bed laced with the finest blue silk sheets which had to be one of coziest mattresses he’s ever felt.

“Wow. Can we just skip to the part where we sound asleep?” He looked down to see the woman already fishing his erection out from his pants. “Guess that’s a n- ngh~”

Music to Furina’s ears. She figured giving the boy a taste would silence his cute banter. Right now she was far more interested in the blush on his face spreading. As capable of a warrior Aether was, Furina was surprised to learn just how passive he could be. Once again she found her gaze fixated on his flickering eyes as she took him down to the back of her throat; she even went as far to moan, sending vibrations through his body that made his hips rise.

“Furina!” He panted, overwhelmed by her hyperactive tongue coiling around him. Aether found it difficult to look at her directly which in turn, only made her more enthusiastic. He began to feel the pleasure rise gradually, his cock twitching violently before Furina dragged her lips off of him.

“Oh no you don’t.” Furina said, wiping her mouth with a single finger. “Do try to last a little longer. We haven’t gotten to the best part.” She gave him a seductive smile as she finally removed her shorts entirely, along with pale blue panties. In truth, she found her impatience a little unbecoming, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care at the moment. Furina gladly straddled Aether, raising her hips right over his raging manhood before slowly piercing herself with it.

“Mmmngh~” she couldn’t deny how full she felt; how he seemed to touch…everything. Furina took a moment to try and calm her breathing as well as her body before proceeding any further. At that time, Aether sat up to meet her and began reaching for her top, but Furina grabbed his hand in reflex.

Aether was surprised by the reaction, and to see Furina’s eyes quickly dart away from his own. “I suppose divine stars can have such relatable insecurities like these.” He spoke softly.

“I may be a star, as you say, but that makes me no less of a woman.” She said, a bit more defensively than she would’ve liked.

“That’s fair. Still, for you to be insecure about this? You, who has the noblest of forms…” he reached for her again. “Bewitching and divine beyond reason and comprehension~”

Furina felt her heart skip a beat. He removed her hat then began quietly working on her top while she remained rigidly still. Those words he spoke could’ve easily been sugar coated, yet Furina let them have their sway; she raised her arms and let Aether see…everything. “It’s not much.”

“Doesn’t matter; It’s what I’m looking for.” He said just as quickly, leaning in as he wrapped his arms around her porcelain skin. “You’re perfect.”

Furina was undone by his teeth sinking into her neck, nipping away towards her collarbone and then assaulting her chest with warm lips and an even warmer tongue.

“Mmm. Truly you are…hopeless.” She swooned, her hips rocking in his laps reflexively. “Fine then, have your fill!” Furina’s arms kept him close.

Aether gladly began to devour her figure, leaving no part unmarked by his affection. Furina didn’t know what was worse. His persistence, or the feeling of his cock growing inside deeper than ever before. Furina felt her face grow hot. His words were no lie at all. The very thought made her body squeeze him in place while her hips kept moving on their own. She pressed her soft, shapely ass onto his lap, grinding his length right up against her womb while she felt Aether’s teeth ensnare a nipple and tease it relentlessly. Furina couldn’t stop her nails from running in between his shoulder blades as she lost composure. There was no hiding it from him; she wanted all she could take from him.

Aether stopped his oral assault for only a moment but it was enough time for Furina to push him back down against the mattress, her hands roaming down his chest as she let out breathless pants. He couldn’t utter even one word as watched in awe as Furina’s movements flowed like a stream; the way her hips would raise only to slam back down and how she shut her eyes to focus on the pleasure drove Aether crazy. Everything felt so wonderful and stuck to his length like warm honey. It took so much strength to not scream when she completely sat down on his lap and rolled her hips forward while her nails grazed his ribs and traced his toned chest.

Furia looked down at him, hearing the sharp, strained breaths come in and out between as kept his eyes shut tightly. The blush on his face was a beautiful red, like a vintage wine ready to devour. Furina laid her body completely on top of his body, continuing to raise, lower, and roll her hips as she began nipping his ear or kissing his neck. As she thought. It was tastier than any wine. Furina was ready to stay like this and drink him up forever until a sudden burst of heat rushed into her body, causing her to gasp. The girl sat up immediately and looked down. Her eyes widened and cheeks glowed scarlet seeing Aether’s cock twitch violently as thick, white cum began leaking out of her. Furina looked back up at Aether to see him covering his face with one hand.

He looked through spread fingers and sure enough, the woman on top of him was grinning like a mischievous cat. “I was close from your blowjob.” He defended.

“Now why don’t I believe that in its entirety?” She cooed, loving his flustered expression. “Not that I can blame you. As you said, I’m bewitching.” She took his hand and ran it up her body, earning another twitch. “Was I too much?”

Aether had no defense for that. He sat up and put his face against her chest to hide better. “You’re annoying is what you are.” He groaned, knowing his ears had to red. He could feel Furina’s fingers playing with his braid. “I got a bit overwhelmed.”

“No need to explain yourself.” She hummed, proud of her performance. He clearly didn’t notice all the little orgasms and jolts of pleasure she was experiencing. “Feel free to recover. After all, it would be natural for someone such as I to be overstimulating to a mortal. I felt lovely. I won’t hold this against-” She cut her victory lap short, feeling Aether began to grow inside of her again. “H-Huh?”

Aether pushed his waist forward, causing Furina to let out a yelp as she was put on her back with Aether perfectly looking down at her between her legs. A jolt went through her as he grabbed both her thighs and moved her legs onto his shoulders where they dangled. The fierce determination in his gaze made Furina realize she might have spoken too soon about his submissive tendencies. Perhaps she had gloated a little too much?

“We can uh…take a break if you’re tir-aah~” She felt his waist dip until it met her body. Aether leaned over her and whispered.

“I said I was going to savor you.” He pulled out to the tip, then plunged right back in.

Furina felt the air leave her lungs and brain stutter for a moment as Aether began pounding her relentlessly. Her limbs didn’t know to grip the sheets or onto him, but they settled for clawing the sheets of the rocking bed. “W-Wait! Anngh! It’s…too deep~” her moans were blatant, mouth agape as she pleaded. The reply she received was his tongue conquering hers, and yet she made no argument against it. “Mmmmm~”

There was nothing to do but take his passion. Furina was certain he was harder than before and making her hips float with every soaked plunge into her. It was a good thing they were kissing, or else someone would’ve definitely heard her wail as he turned up the intensity. It was too much for her. His weight made sure he hit the bottom of her deepest part every time to the point Furina could only…

“MMMPH!?” Her body jerked violently, the inside of her walls gripping like a vase and unleashing a turret of her arousal that dampened the sheets as Aether pulled out and let her legs fall. Furina’s head was so clouded and her breathing was uncomfortable while the pleasure gradually subsided. So much of her strength had been eaten away, but she wasn’t even mad at it. Furina was too busy trying to calm down to care about anything else, even the fact a perfectly good set of sheets were ruined.

“Y-You…brute.” She groaned in pouty satisfaction, still feeling his efforts. Furina would not know true rest however. Aether slowly flipped her over to her stomach. She felt his strong hands grab her hips and raise them until she felt his tip press against her folds. “But I just came~” she whined, despite shaking her hips to feel him rub against her.

“Don’t tell me this mere mortal has overstimulated you?” He said with a hunger in his voice.

Furina let out a long groan as he pulled her onto his cock. “Mmngh, I’m sorry…!” she moaned, reaching for one of many pillows and burying her face in it as Aether’s hips plowed into her again, mercilessly thrusting like a piston. “Aaaaannh~”

Why did she adore this so much? She had him in the palm of her hand earlier and now she was sweating as he took her like an animal. It wasn’t that he was only thrusting, but commanding her hips to push into him, creating such a terribly indecent sound that echoed like steps in a puddle. She knew she wanted everything from him, but it was so embarrassing yet hot to give him everything he craved.

Aether listened to the symphony of squeals and moans as he watched the ripples her ass crested whenever he pushed forward into her body. Her skin was wonderfully flushed like his and the pleasure didn’t seem to end. “You’re so beautiful.”

How dare he say that to her now? When all she could do is push back even harder and submit to his hunger. She knew he could feel her grip tighten. There was no hiding from his words or what was in her heart.

Furina probably thought his ego spurred his actions. While that was admittedly part of the truth, it was insignificant to the infatuation he had seeing her so wanting and pleased by him. Furina was finally being honest.

He made her go prone and put his weight on her again and he took her gripped knuckles. “Look at me.” He rasped.

Furina looked over her right shoulder to see his face an inch away. She instantly closed her eyes and went in for a kiss they both so eagerly wanted. His fingers interlocked hers while his hips made sure she felt his unruly length get buried into her body as he fucked her into the bed. Aether ended their kiss and got his revenge from earlier, licking and nipping at her ear lobe. “Nooo~” her body trembled. “I’ll…”

“Give it to me. Don’t try to fight it. I want to see you cum, Madam Focalor~” He bit her neck.

His teeth found her neck as she was left with those sultry words that would be her undoing. “F..uck.” She put her face in the pillow and screamed, her walls taking hold of Aether’s trembling cock and squeezing it until it had no choice but to erupt again while her own arousal ran down her twitching legs.

Both of them felt the exhaustion hit, laying motionless as they groaned from the pleasure and fatigue. Aether rolled off of Furina and laid on his stomach right next to her. He turned his head to see the girl staring at him with pouty puffed out cheeks. Maybe he went a little overboard.

“Hehe…umm, my ba-”

“I want a normal kiss.” She huffed.

Aether blinked silently before giving a small smile. “As you wish.” He scooted closer and gently placed his lips on her, feeling her body ease into his.

Furina placed her head under his chin and silently, yet loudly, commanded comfort by resting against him. He was very quick on the uptake, placing his arm around her torso. “You performed wonderfully.” She hummed. “Now stay just like this for now. I won’t tolerate waking up alone.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said earlier? I was all for skipping to this part.”

“Ha, as if I’d let you. Although…I can see the appeal.” She shut her eyes.

xxxxxx

When the god finally arose, the day had already begun. Furina opened her eyes to muffled light through the curtains but more importantly, her head rested on Aether’s bare chest. It appeared they moved a bit in their sleep. It was only when she sat up she realized they didn’t just move, but properly under clean sheets and on the appropriate side of the bed.

“….” She poked Aether’s cheek repeatedly until he groaned. “Hey, did you move us?”

“Mmhmm.” He mumbled. “You’re a heavy sleeper and I got a little cold, so I took us to bed properly.”

“But where did you get the clean sheets?”

He pointed towards the door. Furina looked to see a giant note on it with beautiful handwriting she immediately recognized. It said, “Do be mindful of regular patrol and shift changes, my lady. Do not fear however. No traces were discovered, and as always, my silence is yours. Sleep well, Clorinde.”

Furina felt utterly mortified, covering her bright red face. “Why is she so diligent!? She doesn’t even work for me! I told her to relax!”

“My guess is she had a vague idea of possible trouble you could find yourself in and thought it would be better for her to find out instead of someone else by mistake. She may have even known about the alley.” Aether sat up briefly with his undone hair flowing freely. He hugged the paralyzed Furina and brought her back down to bed. “Worry later, or rather, thank Clorinde later. It’s still sleepy time.”

She had no clue how he could be so calm about this!? Yet she also wasn’t about to disturb him. Though that note rid her of sleep, Furina stayed in his arms for comfort. She would think about everything else later. Her eyes drank in his sleeping face, the way his slightly flushed lips curled made her own lips curl up. Under dim light through blinds. Furina couldn’t stop replaying last night’s performance. Those lips of his were so active, so…wanting. They took and gave everything faster than she could process. For the first time in a long time, being overwhelmed felt glorious. She had to admit that right now…if she had the chance to-

Aether opened his eyes, feeling the lady’s gaze on him. He sat up and she followed suit. “If you want something then feel free to say it.” Aether said, casually grinning.

Furina’s cheeks were struck with red. Was he a mind reader now!? “D-Don’t put this on me! You’d think I’d fall for such an obvious plea for-” her defense was immediately cut at the source via Aether grabbing her lower jaw and pulling her in slowly as he stared at her with calm amber eyes. Her heart nearly stopped.

“It might be noon, but don’t you think it’s too early for theatrics? If you can swallow your pride right now, I’ll make it worth everything and more. Just like last night.” He said, morning voice and all.

Furina was left speechless and now bright red. Such a bold proposition! How dare he commanded such authority, and yet…it wasn’t exactly terrible. At least that’s how she tried to convince herself about her feelings towards it. In truth, it was embarrassingly marvelous.

Furina averted his gaze again and removed his hand. Without a word, she bent down, putting her head in his lap while pushing away the covers. She guided his length back into her mouth and began coiling her tongue to invigorate Aether once again. She can’t believe she was doing this, during broad daylight no less! He really was so annoying. It didn’t help she felt a hand start to rub the top of her head while another grabbed her exposed rear, its fingers sliding along it to meet her folds and give them attention.

“Mmm~” Furina raised her hips, allowing two fingers to properly slip inside of her as she continued her efforts in earnest. She felt Aether grow to the point her jaw hung open, his thick and leaking tip greeting her throat.

Aether could barely feel his hips from the way Furina relentlessly lapped his length. “Nngh, good girl.” He teased, committing to his role. He didn’t expect her body to give him a gripping reaction around his fingers. Looks like Furina was still full of surprises for them to discover together. “Okay, I’m a man of my word. Get on my lap.”

Furina took a deep breath as she came up. His fingers left her wanting as they left, but that was fine when what’s to come would feel much better. She couldn’t even find it in herself to boast about Aether’s reactions. Instead she quickly put one leg on each side of him and angled herself above his cock like last night. Slowly, she lowered herself, shutting her eyes tightly as her body remembered last night.

“Aaaa~” she moaned, sinking down further until she was sitting completely on him. Furina felt her hips go numb and her body twitch from the rush of a hot tongue tracing her modest chest. Furina didn’t even get the chance to open her eyes again before feeling her body fall backwards onto the bed; added weight held her body in place as that same tongue slipped past her lips and took it away to his own. The fullness inside was dragged back out to the entrance before slamming back down. A guttural groan rumbled in her chest as it happened again, and again, and again….

Damn that Aether. Nobody moves like this without having their own desires. She could hear every sharp inhale he took and felt the hunger in his hips feed them both ravenous pleasure. He might’ve made her swallow her pride, but only to hide the fact his mind was in the exact same place hers was. Furina couldn’t be bothered to be upset at the ruze at this point. She put her arms around his neck, drowning in their embrace as the heat between their bodies grew hotter. It wasn’t long before either worked a little sweat. That didn’t stop Aether at all though. Furina couldn’t stop her toes from curling after each and every deep thrust that pried her open. It was impossible to tell who was trembling at this point, the both of them soaring high until a final plunge into her released hot seed that her body ringed out with pleasure. Their kisses ended with heavy breathing and strained breath that tickled each other’s ears.

When Aether said, “Just like last night” Furina didn’t expect him to skip towards the intensity he displayed near the end! Her eyes fluttered open, feasting themselves on a slim, yet defined and toned figure between her legs, and eyes that took in her glistening porcelain figure as if it were a crowned jewel. Not that it wasn't, but to see him marvel at her without having to prompt him was… embarrassing to say the least.

Aether watched her eyes grow wider as he put his hands on her knees to part her legs wider before taking her hips into his control, raising her waist up to thrust directly into her.

Furina gasped as if she didn’t just watch him reposition her! His hips didn’t go as hard as before but made up for it with speed and control. “Ngh- you have…too much energy!” Furina moaned. Forget the previous round; her body was still sensitive from last night! “Must you be so rough!?”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Aether said breathlessly.

“I…”Furina’s eyes couldn’t help but watch the thick and unrelenting cock disappear inside her, only reappear briefly; the shaft was coated in a mixture of their passion that kept it slick and entering repeatedly. The girl sunk her teeth into her bottom lip, seeing how his length only came back out messier after each thrust. She laid her back, her left arm hiding her eyes.

Aether groaned. “Mmm, you’re getting tighter.”

“Silence!” She whined, knowing it was true. “I…I…”

“Swallow your pride~”

“…..Don’t.., don’t stop, please.” She confessed, her voice wavering. Furina dug her fingers into the sheets while her toes curled again. “I don’t wanna get out of this bed! I just want to feel you!” Her face was bright red. Somehow she found the courage to remove her arm, only to not find fierce eyes dominating her, but shut ones on an equally flushed face as Aether’s hips worked overtime. A surprising sight to witness, yet it made Furina all the more needy for his touch. Her eyes shut again and the both of them bathed in the lustful, euphoric sounds of their bodies.

Aether fought so hard not to yell from the way the soaked, warm walls pleaded for him. His thighs were doused in Furina’s arousal as she slammed into them, giving her everything.

Her pussy gladly took the punishment, growing red from the persistent pounding that made her womb ache. Every inch was taken and remembered. Furina feared if this kept up, Aether might reshape her body entirely. That would be unacceptable. To perfectly accommodate her foolish consort’s body would be…

“Aangh~” she sighed. “Make me yours; for all time…” such a maddening idea.

Furina could no longer find words for her pleasure as she felt Aether’s tip rub against womb and deliver a rush of hot seed directly inside it, his hands like a vice on her hips and rigid length buried to the hilt inside her body. The ravishing feeling had a death grip on her body she wouldn’t soon forget. The word maddening didn’t do it justice. Furina let her mind wander off as the sound that finally let her throat could only be described as one thing. Operatic.

xxxxxx

Loud one moment and quiet the next. Furina’s life had been a whirlpool of emotions in what felt like a wild dream. Yet here she was now, humming in a bubble bath as diligent hands scrubbed her scalp before rinsing the soap out with soothing warm water.

“Mmm. I can’t say 500 years was worth this specific moment, but I think it’s pretty close.” She could hear Aether chuckle.

“Unbelievable. I’m glad you’re happy putting me to work.”

“I’ll wash your hair next if you want?”

“It was a little joke Furina.”

“And my offer still stands~” She leaned back against the young man, watching his arms hold her. Furina ran her fingers in between his quietly as the water settled.

“Hey?” She said sheepishly, gathering her thoughts. “Just to set the record straight, I may have lived a long life but I wouldn’t say it’s been the most fulfilling. These past several hours are acts I’ve never done, so…” why did she suddenly feel so anxious saying this to him. “All I’m saying is I didn’t do this on a whim. If that makes sense. I-”

“Furina.” He said softly, turning her head his way to put her nerves to rest with a gentle, comforting kiss. “I know.”

Perhaps she was the one who underestimated him? He could read her just fine. Furina smiled softly, resting her head on his chest. “I couldn’t ask for a person to share the stage with.”

xxxxx

“Two bags. Just as promised. I thought you would’ve picked these up earlier.” Said a vendor, handing off the groceries to Furina.

“Thank you. And I’ll try to next time. I got a little held up.” She laughed off as she began walking. As she made her way home, her feet froze in place as Clorinde and Navia nearly bumped into her as they turned the corner.

“Wow! Sorry about that.” Navia chuckled. Although it went unheard as Furina and Clorinde shared a glance.

“Did you make it home safely last night? No problems?”

“N-None.” Furina wanted to sink to the bottom of the water right now. “Thank you.”

“It was nothing. Next time though, I’d recommend taking care of all personal business in a more…private capacity.”

“I will keep that in mind. Anyways, I should get these home.Toodaloo!” Furina briskly walked off.

Navia couldn’t help but notice the girl’s awkward stride as she left. “Is Furina okay? She seemed a little…”

“Training.” Clorinde said, calmer than ever. “She was by the water training and pushed herself a little too hard. I made sure to keep an eye out is all. She’s probably still tired.”

“Ah. That’s sweet of you. For a moment I thought she still felt terribly awkward around us. Especially me. I do hope that feeling doesn’t last too long. I wouldn’t mind inviting her to tea.”

“You might have a better chance at that when I’m not around.”

“Really?” Navia squints, noticing the lack of eye contact she was receiving. “Don’t tell me you also feel awkward about it; given how you used to work for her and all?”

“…Something like that.”

“Ah ha! All the more reason to put in effort! I’ll try to get in touch sometime in the near future.”

“You really d-” it was too late. Clorinde could see the determination in Navia’s eyes. “I’ll…keep my schedule open.” The woman let out a quiet sigh of defeat. She’d be sure to grab some cake for Furina when the day comes.

[tnoy-keraxis]

What would each CC characters podcasts be about

THE QUESTION EVER!!!!!! I have developed this au so far and I love talking about it. I am going to put a cut after the background info because im going to be so annoying

So, for background, they all work for a little podcast network known in my heart as 'Bogs Hollow FM' (BHFM) <3. It was founded by Ragweed and The Narrator (David)* after their podcast was so successful that they could afford to not only expand their podcast but acquire others and fund some new ones!

*Note: I know that this mixes the two layers of fiction that we are given in CC. I know that the Narrator and Ragweed don't actually know the main characters. I know the characters are played by The Players. I know the story in CC is mostly fiction. This is just me having fun <3 Im just saying this because I would argue with myself over this.

but anyway!!! talk about the podcasts below the cut because this shit is LONG (i know you didnt ask for all the lore but i like talking)

Starting with the one that started it all, Ragweed and David have a weekly podcast called The Woodblock (this is one of the few names I'm sure of). It is just general news/guys talking. It got popular fast and good on them. It's become a huge production and most of the audience just shitposts about how they seemingly get divorced every episode. Ragweed's real name isn't Ragweed, but he refuses to tell anyone what his real name is.

Then, when The Woodblock became so successful, and they started BHFM, they acquired 3 other podcasts that were already successful in their own right and gave them increased funding.

First, The Prince (Nicholas) has a podcast which is essentially a painful rehash of alpha-male podcasts. But it did not find it's intended audience... Now it's essentially got the worlds queerest audience that just makes fun of him, but he does not notice. People assume it's a parody. It was originally just him, until he bullied Tadius into being his cohost but that's a story for another day

Then, Ella has an audience helpline podcast where she just answers questions and does general self-help/wellbeing content. We love a girl working through her trauma and helping others at the same time. She doesn't have a cohost but occasionally invites Lucy and Justine on, but they don't take things seriously enough. It is her sanctuary, and she wants to keep it as just hers. The last podcast they acquired was The Stepmother's podcast which is just an aggressive drama podcast, tragically the only way I can explain the energy is Frenemies meets Drama Alert, and I hope that gives you an idea of how horrific the energy is. Putrice and Rancilda are frequently their as well.

But when they acquired those 3, they also got handed some spin-off podcasts (which i dont have much to say about):

Rancilda has a daily riddles podcast that she is "hiding" from her stepmother (she isn't, its call "ranciriddles"). She has an audience suggested riddle every week.

Putrice has a more lowkey gossip podcast because she wants to be just like her mother but its way less toxic and tbh it's a good time.

Lucy and Justine have like a fun little sleepover style podcast, they just play games and talk and have a good time. They once did a whole episode reading fanfic about The Prince and Tadius just to fuck with them.

Crumb and Sir Hop-a-Lot (real names Chris and Harold <3) have a motivational/workout podcast, they are just the world's most chaotic duo, no one really understands what their podcast is trying to be.

The Fairy Queen has a daily affirmations podcast that she films at 3am. No one knows her real name. No one knows who she is.

and then lastly, they have a group dnd podcast run by David with the exact plot to Cinderella's Castle. It's a mess.

and that's a basic rundown of all the podcasts. There has been a lot of drama between them all including the aforementioned fanfic beef, the several times Tadius has been locked in a storage cupboard and why the Fairy Queen records at 3am but that's a post for another day.

[katzkinder]

Misdirection

Doing some rereading to get back into the swing of things, and the chapter I happened to start with immediately gave me some very interesting, juicy pieces

From Volume 8, chapter 38, "The Method Called Me"

This sequence of panels caught my attention immediately because initially my first reaction was to go "Lily you FUCKING liar" (understandable lel)

But then Mahiru's portion happened on the next page and I realized that Lily never actually said what question Tsubaki asked him. Mahiru merely assumes he knows what it was, and through him, we readers are ALSO certain that the question Lily was asked was, of course, the same one posed to him and Kuro.

And then immediately after this, while Misono is wracking his brain about how it should have been impossible for Tsubaki to make the journey from between the Alicein grounds and the hotel in such a short period of time, Tetsu interrupts his thoughts to ask Tsubaki "Do you know what happened to Hugh?"

And, well

Tsubaki misleads him. Never does he actually SAY that that is Hugh, as other characters later realize when the trick is revealed. A trick which is very similar, in practice, to the one Belkia used to get Hugh away from them in the first place. I'm going to place the whole next page, both because I find the effects given to the page, what with its smoke and obscuring scribbles (the attention here is flawless btw. Reading back over this scene it's riddled with such clear visual clues that the whole conversation is cluttered and obscured with tricks befitting Tsubaki's animal form, a kitsune, and that we the readers should have been more wary)

The other reason I'm sharing the whole page is because L M A O Strike is the funniest person on earth y'all, they must have been giggling and heehee'ing SO MUCH when putting this scene together. I would not have the patience to hold off on revealing the joke for as long as they did god bless. The joke, of course, being that Hugh and Tetsu's relationship is one built entirely on lies.

The way Tsubaki directs the conversation is also pretty masterful, as every doubt Misono raises is quickly dealt with, reassuring the readers that every seeming mystery we're being presented with has an adequate explanation at hand. Tsubaki himself being an illusion as well is just icing on the cake.

My god though, this panel of the fox obscuring Misono's vision is just mEAN knowing what we do now.

Anyway, back to what I said before, about how Tsubaki uses words in a similar way to how a magician misleads an audience to perform a vanishing act. If you've ever seen someone perform sleight of hand or seen a stage show, you'll know immediately what I'm talking about. Magicians make use of misdirection and lies of omission, of making you focus elsewhere or not telling you the whole truth, in order to perform their tricks. When an audience is hyped up with excitement and eager to watch the magician perform, they will easily follow commands, hoping to catch the moment of the "trick," or else follow along with how the magician is moving without meaning to. In a similar fashion, Tsubaki leads the conversation, not allowing the other characters to think too deeply about things in a situation that is already extremely high tension, given that he has hold of Lawless's Item.

Which brings me to the final page, and something that if not an outright lie, potentially paints a sobering picture of how Tsubaki's views himself

If the only "person" who can create a Servamp is Germaine, and Tsubaki intends to revive him, then either Germaine will not be brought back as a Servamp, or...

Tsubaki doesn't see himself as a "person".

This view of his seems to be further reinforced with how he speaks in volume 15, chapter 87, "If you are going to leave me behind"

When he speaks of Servamps and their distance limit, he predicates his words with "To the instruments in this world, to the systems" and speaks of how he believes the distance limit is a prayer to never be apart again. Earlier in the chapter, he also claims that he believes his purpose for existing, the reason he was created, is to make Kuro "complete."

He wasn't born for himself, but for the sake of another.

Doesn't that just... Sound too sad?

[deltaruminations]

i thought this suspension of disbelief video by snarlinger was really cool. anyway here's a bunch of shit i wrote after watching it LOL

thinking on the topic of emotional investment as a point of vulnerability, as something a story could exploit, the entanglement of promises and contracts… the power struggle between gaster and the player is one of the more interesting aspects of deltarune to me because, in terms of coercive force, gaster is objectively less powerful than the player. gaster can present the contract, but he can't necessarily enforce it. the player can put down the game at any time and never pick it up again, and no amount of suspension of disbelief can convince the vast majority of players that he’ll actually hurt them over it. that's a step too far even for the most immersive of games. I think gaster knows this, and so he uses something else as leverage: our emotional attachment to deltarune's characters. he weaponizes our Connection. don't want to continue after a game over? he basically says, “ok, i can't stop you, but you should know that your friends in the game will be doomed to suffer in darkness unless you come back." you took their future into your hands the second you downloaded the program – so, is this the future you want for them? are they real to you, or not? do you love them less than you loved your friends in undertale? gaster promises a “survey,” then launches us into a game, then before we realize what's happened, the game has become a responsibility. for the player, the Promise to the in-universe characters and the Contract with gaster are one and the same.

one thing i wonder about with gaster is the degree to which he, himself, is the thing lying in wait, the predatory force, vs. how much he might be analogous to the audience in his relationship to deltarune's world: someone who has been drawn into a power struggle with its narrative and its mechanisms and is tormented by that struggle. gaster’s hope for a “NEW FUTURE” may be directly at odds with the intended “one ending” – a direct conflict between his power and his interests and those of the intended narrative or its creator. maybe gaster drags the player into this struggle because he thinks that's the only way that he can be free of it – gaster is bound by some Connection of his own, an investment in this world and its future; he can't rest until he sees the realization of that dream, and he can't realize that dream without the player's participation. like us, gaster isn't of the world, nor can he share in whatever better future he might want for it, yet he's nonetheless driven by a sentimentality for it that eats away at him from the inside. he's desperately committed to his belief in something that shouldn't be real: a meaningful change in a narrative that's only supposed to have one ending; a meaningful choice in a world where those aren't supposed to matter.

that said, i think there's something to the idea of deltarune having some force lurking in its darkest shadows, something that's desperate to be seen, believed in, and made “real” through belief – though I don't think it's gaster, and i’m not sure it's necessarily malevolent. consider some of the motivations that theorists often ascribe to gaster: a desire to be found, to be seen, to be restored to the narrative. in a way, gaster has already been “found” and “seen” – he's presented himself directly to us; and gaster already has something of a place in the story, if not within The Narrative. but isn't there someone else who's missing from the universe, who wants to return to it, and who might have little option but to cry out into the darkness and hope someone finds her? someone in just as eldritch a position as gaster’s, who is afraid and alone, demanding sympathy and aid, yet is lost in a mystery that threatens to ensnare and devour anyone who attempts to give it?

if gaster is in some way a mirror to the player, then he needs a motivation that reflects our own. our motivation is our Connection: our irrational love for characters that are intangible to us, who can never really be our friends, but who we promise to stand by regardless -- no matter how dark it gets, how deep we have to descend for them. dess has been described as “the gaster of deltarune” – and maybe she's the gaster to gaster himself, his mew under the truck, the secret alternate storyline he needs to unlock. the "NEW FUTURE" is one and the same with her future, a future that includes the endless potentials and cascading impacts of a life restored after being cut short. we answered his call -- did he answer hers?

let's say he did. if the player gives up on deltarune, then we break our “promise” to our friends in that world – we leave them alone to suffer in darkness. if gaster gives up on deltarune, then he breaks his promise to his friend – he leaves her alone to suffer in darkness – and without the player's cooperation, giving up will be the only option he has left. however far the player is willing to go to save their favorite characters -- will gaster go just as far to save his?

or to put it more metaphorically: is dess the angler fish's lure, and gaster simply a fish who was caught? is his Promise to her also a Contract with mystery itself? is he now feeding a hungry, mindless darkness, throwing himself, and the player, and kris, and anyone else he has to into the pit, all in his desperate belief in something that can't possibly be real: that if he can only sate the Depths, it will let her go free?

[doll-elvis]

Your thoughts on the Letterboxd reviews for prisiclla? I’ve gotten mixed messages from them, about the movie overall and Elvis’s portrayal

for now (even though I was refreshing letterboxd every 1.2 seconds yesterday🤧) I’m trying to stay away from reading letterboxd reviews- solely because of the amount of review inflating by the anti-elvis crowd and because of the review bombing by what I’m assuming is elvis fans: it’s just incredibly hard to find an unbiased review atp

but yes definitely a lot of mixed messages: I’ve seen people complain that the film was too sensitive to Elvis, and people complain that it wasn’t sensitive enough to him, like ma’am which one is it 😭

@septembersghost changed my brain chemistry yesterday with all of their amazing responses to asks about this film, and this one in particular helped me realize why we are seeing such a wide variety of reviews, and even reviews that are contradictory to one another ⬇️

tbh I was very naive with my expectations of how I thought Elvis would be received by audiences because for some reason I thought people would be able to go into this film without their own biases and without any preconceived opinions of Elvis- but of course I was wrong about that 😭

I think most people are seeing this film with the hopes that it will validate their beliefs that Elvis was an “abuser” and a that Priscilla was a “victim”, and like septembersghost said, if they want him to be a monster, they will see him as one regardless of the film’s intent

and so many reviewers are doing exactly that

like mistaking Elvis’ genuine innocence, and his “little boy”-like qualities as something perverse and harmful. like I saw a reviewer say that his baby talk with Priscilla was creepy… bffr

Elvis never had any ill intent with his baby talk, it was simply something he grew up with, but of course people are twisting the narrative to make it seem like Elvis was baby-talking with Priscilla in a perverse way. Not to mention the fact that Elvis would baby talk with literally everybody from his cousin Billy to his dad, to his daughter, to the Graceland staff etc. etc., it wasn’t something reserved for Priscilla because she was younger than him

“him yuvs you and her yuvs him” in what universe is that anything but cute 😩

excerpt from “Elvis and Me” by Priscilla Presley

I’ve also seen reviewers say that Elvis was “physically neglectful” towards Priscilla in the years leading up to their marriage because he wanted to save penetrative intercourse for marriage… it just seems like no matter what Elvis’ intent was, or what the film’s intent was, people will twist it in a way to make Elvis look worse

I’m personally not surprised that a man from the silent generation aka a man who was born in 1935 in a Christian household believed that sex was for marriage 😭

of course he didn’t abstain from it completely but it doesn’t shock me that Elvis intended to marry a virgin woman, especially knowing that he abstained from penetrative intercourse with many other women that he considered for marriage like June Juanico and Anita Wood

That was not only typical of his background (being from the south, and being raised in church) but it was also typical of that time period- I also saw a reviewer say that Elvis had “dated” ideas of marriage and I’m sorry to be crass but no shit??? the man was from a generation that practiced those standards of marriage, so he wasn’t alone in those beliefs nor did he start them

ahh I’m sorry it just bugs me when people completely avoid using context when speaking about Elvis 😭 like why are we using a 2023 mindset to judge a man from 1935?? anyways that’s why I’m now trying not to take every single negative review for its’ word because it’s very possible that these people are simply misinterpreting Elvis and his intentions

of course that is easier said than done, and as Elvis fans I think we all feel protective over him and anything negative about him, especially negativity that isn’t even true, is just so hard to have to see and to read. I truly wish that everyone loved him as much as we do, the world be a kinder place to say the least 😭

in order to keep my mind from imploding I’ve been reading reviews from more independent critics as opposed to larger companies like rollingstone (their review made me want to find a hole and stay there)

I found this guy’s review of the film just by searching “Priscilla review” on Twitter, and this is probably one of the most unbiased takes that I have seen so far ⬇️

review courtesy of Rory Doherty on flicks.co.uk

“but the conditions that his love came with appear to an outsider completely unfair” I don’t think this is a harsh assessment at all, Elvis expected a lot out of the women he was with and I truly sympathize with all of them in that regard

like Elvis telling Mindi Miller that she looked scary without makeup made me die laughing when I first read it because imagine having the nerve to say that but if I was her I would have cried 😭!!

and if his review if completely accurate, it soothes my worries to know that Coppola “is not interested in moral judgement” as it seems like people who hate Elvis are only interested in the film if it does that

if you made it this far I’m sorry I don’t know how to stop this word vomit lmao but I’d love to know what you guys think or if you have read a review that gives you more hope for this film <3!!

[morfinwen]

1-7, 11, 14-16, and 22-25 for 2024 Reads in Review, please?

Faves of the year

"Tress of the Emerald Sea" -- easily my favorite of the Secret Projects, and just as good on a re-read.

"Going Postal" -- the other Pratchett re-reads were good, but didn't quite hold up; i think this one did, for the most part.

"The Lioness and Her Knight" -- It had a more cohesive story than its predecessor, and had laugh-out-loud moments and tragic moments without either feeling out-of-place.

Flops of the year

"Fahrenheit 451" -- I recognize its importance as a classic and all that, but i didn't care for it at all. All the characters seemed to talk the same, i didn't find the dystopia it depicted terribly interesting, and overall it felt like it would've been better if Bradbury had written his thoughts out in essay form than this messy, disjointed story.

"We Have Always Lived in the Castle" -- Clearly i'm missing whatever it is other people are getting from Shirley Jackson's books.

"Kingdom of Heaven" -- i think this is the only book i gave a 1 star review.

DNF With Prejudice: Book(s) you didn't finish on purpose

I wish i'd DNF'd "We Have Always Lived in the Castle". It sets up some great atmosphere and some intrigue in the first chapter that it spends the rest of the book undermining.

DNF With Regrets: Book(s) you didn't finish but want to get back to

I know at some point i started and didn't finish "The Lost Metal"; pretty sure that was 2024. Anyway, i'm planning on a re-read of all Era 2 Mistborn books, and will finally read "The Lost Metal" then.

Crowd Pleaser: Book you would recommend to almost anyone

There's no book on Earth i'd feel comfortable recommending to "almost anyone", but "Howl's Moving Castle" probably comes the closest on last year's list. Funny, sweet, and no language, sensuality, or anything else i could see many people objecting to.

Dead Dove Do Not Eat: Book you would recommend to a select audience with a mountain of caveats

"The Raven Boy"/"The Dream Thieves". I really enjoy "The Raven Cycle", but especially in the circles i tread in, it's a hard series to recommend without knowing the other person's boundaries regarding bad language, same-sex relationships, etc.

"Start of Darkness" is really good, but it's best read by people already familiar with "Order of the Stick", and it gets really grim. It's a prequel about the villains, so there's no happy ending, and a lot of villany happening, and not much heroism to make up for it.

Wasted Potential: Great premise and/or characters but fell down on execution

Aspects of "Spinning Silver" worked for me, but on the whole, it didn't. There's just something about Naomi Novik's work that leaves me cold, even when there's heartwarming stuff happening, and while i almost always prefer seeing a marriage saved than a divorce treated as a happy ending, i was seriously unimpressed with the 'redemption' of the husbands. Congratulations, they are slightly less terrible than they were at the start. I have full confidence that these couples will be happy and healthy going forward.

Favorite non-fiction of the year

I only read two, but "The Strange Last Voyage of Donald Crowhurst" was the better book. "Elephant Don" was interesting, but it wasn't nearly as in-depth or focused as i was hoping.

Most anticipated -- did it live up to the hype?

Not 'anticipated' in the usual sense, but "Night Watch" and "The Eagle of the Ninth" were both books i'd heard praised a lot and intended to read for a while. "Night Watch" came closer -- a solid enough book, but not what i felt led to expect -- while "The Eagle of the Ninth" was disappointingly average.

Biggest disappointment?

As mentioned, was a bit disappointed that "The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf" didn't fully live up to expectations.

"Kingdom of Heaven" was written by a Tumblr mutual, and… i didn't like it. At all.

Biggest surprise?

Was a bit of a surprise that "The Lioness and Her Knight" did live up to my recollection, considering the other book didn't.

Best book you found in the wild

Not sure any books i read last year count as 'found in the wild'.

Free space -- talk about any book you read in 2024 not otherwise covered

"Endless Night" is an interesting book; as i noted in my review of it, i wasn't sure what my thoughts on it were. It's a bit of an outlier for Christie, and it doesn't stick out in my mind as a particularly good example of any of the things it does, but my overall opinion is still positive. Couldn't tell you why.

Do you have any goals for your reading in 2025?

My goal for 2024 was ten more than i read in 2023, but since i cut it pretty close last year, i'm just aiming for 5 more than last year.

What's on the top of your list for 2025?

I started (but did not come close to finishing) a re-read of "The Way of Kings" last year -- want to re-read all the Stormlight Archive books before tackling "Wind and Truth".

Thanks for asking!

[racefortheironthrone]

Hey there,

So I read the Locked Tomb series a few months ago and one thing that occurred to me after reading Nona the Ninth was that the John Gauis’s account of the end of the world could not be fundamentally trusted.  While I believe that Tamsyn Muir intended for these passages to be “true” or “Accurate” to what happened I found unable to accept the chapters due to the number and severity of lies told by John.  It also led to me notice any inconsistency, irregularity, or any implausible scenario and to see it as evidence of another lie by John. 

My question I suppose is if an author uses an unreliable narrator when (or if) should the audience trust said narrator again.  

In part my extreme skepticism started when John mentioned the oxygen crisis, that such a scenario would be so sever and immediate that there would be little time for John’s necromantic schemes.  It was further stoked by John’s impractical cryogenic plan (why would you send frozen people to the Kuiper Belt), and later on John’s  mis-remembering when and how original-Gideon died and that he was telling this story to Harrow hark trying to convinced her to join him.

I am quite certain that my extreme distrust is unwarranted and that Muir intended for us to believe John’s tale but I cannot help but notice the inconsistencies and find John utterly dishonest and unbelievable.

I'm glad you asked this question, because it allows me to talk about how to apply historiographical methodology to literary analysis.

One of the terms that I was exposed to during my training as a historian is the "hermeneutics of suspicion" - the practice of reading texts such that the on-its-face meaning of the text is false and that you have to read the text solely for its deeper, hidden meanings. The problem with the hermeneutics of suspicion is that, taken to a logical conclusion, all texts and meanings become false, and for lack of evidence, all academic inquiry shuts down and we wind up sitting on the floor with our hands over our mouths.

Now, this doesn't mean that you have to take texts as 100% valid either, but rather that good methodological practice requires a careful weighing and balancing of bias, rather than simplistic binaries.

So in the case of John's narrative in Nona the Ninth, is John meant to be an unreliable narrator? Yes. However, because Tamsyn Muir does actually play fair with the readers, she makes it quite clear when John is lying to Harrow/Alecto:

"I said I made a mistake. She let it go eventually because the others were telling her to lay off. Just said Guys as careful as you shouldn't have accidents. If you've got a gun learn how to aim it. This is too big for fuckups now... "Did you ever find out what happened? With your accident?" He turned to her and he smiled a funny little smile. It only used one half of his mouth. In the dream his new eyes did not show happiness or unhappiness. And he said, "Come on, love. Guys as careful as me don't have accidents."

And here again:

"I did need to do it, Harrow. There was no other way. Once those bombs were going off, there was no hope for Melbourne anyway-- G- was dead meat." She said-- "You said that G-'s bomb went off first." "Yeah, it did," he said impatiently. "Of course it did...Look-what does it matter? In the end, why the hell does it matter?"

Unfortunately for John Gaius, Harrowhark Nonagesimus is smarter than he is when she's in her right mind and she catches the discrepancies in his story - just as we are meant to do.

So what I would say is that, unless it's something where Tamsyn Muir gives us clues like this where other characters are calling John out on his bullshit, you should treat worldbuilding issues like the population of Earth, or the logistics of cryocans, or the speed of shuttle transports in the Nine Houses, etc. as either mistakes on the part of the author (when they actually are mistakes) or just part of the overall willing suspension of disbelief that comes with speculative fiction.

[sugar-omi]

i HAVE TO SHARE THISW SOMEONE!!! picture this . marching band cove . ghegegrgrrgrgrrbrbrbnnnn. i’m on colorguard and i think he would march mello or trumpet 🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺 EEEEE i’m sorry for gushin

omg idk anything about marching band or instruments

i literally played violin once in 3rd grade and i havent touched one since

ANYWAY YES YES YES AND ALSO YOU REMINDED ME ABT WHAT I WAS THINKING OF EARLIER (eta: okay this... became a bit more nsfw at the end than I intended but it's just implied and I can't be bothered to move this to a separate post since I'm on my phone rn but I think I need to write a full fic on this.

ANYWAY IF U WANNA SKIP THRU THIS GO AHEAD BC I RAMBLED WAY TOO MUCH N IM SORRY I TOTALLY TOOK OVER UR RAMBLE <///3 TYSM FOR GUSHING TO ME <33333 cove playong a instrument of any kind would be so asffdfhjlhq AND HE'DBE A BIT SASSY N HE JUST KNOWS HES THE SHIT... PLS...)

okay imagine band au and lets say youre the main singer, and cove is on bass/electric guitar or smth

and a lot of your songs start to become about cove. about being in love with him. about thinking about having him in your bed. about his eyes and how he makes you feel like you're drowning bc you love him so much.

and sometimes you lean into him during a song, doing a little dance step with him and the audience can see how much you yearn for each other.

OR EVEN BETTER IN MY OPINION

you are a backup singer or play an instrument as well, and cove is still on bass/electric guitar and while the main singer is doing the songs, you and cove are in the back giving heart eyes to each other and if you're not on drums or doing the keyboard (or playing any other instrument that requires sitting, idk) then you two lean into each other, maybe doing a little spin or smth and just as all over each other as you can be while performing.

and the pap have a FIELD DAY with it

so does your fans!!!!

and no matter what your position in the band is, there are thousands of photos and articles of you two leaving a restaurant together, or laughing over food and drink from thru the windows

or they see you wearing cove's jacket or shirt...

cove leaving your house early in the morning, or in interviews you two are giving heart eyes and even better if one or both of you is giving bedroom eyes to the other (they love asking if you two are dating or fucking)

if you don't mind having a laugh over confusing the paparazzi and even do it yourself. cove will shrug or smirk and go "wouldn't you like to know." and he'll put a arm around you and lead you away from all the reporters.

(implied sex under the cut👍👍👍👍🫶)

imagine getting drunk and kissing each other. you're so lost in the music blasting in the club and the taste of each others lips, and when cove's tongue slips into your mouth you can't even think abt if there's the flash of cameras because the flashing club lights help add to your daze when cove pulls away, grinning about how much he loves you and when you say you love him too, you find yourself in your managers car.

they're complaining about how much you've drank, but they drop you off at cove's house and speed off so they can go pick up the rest of your members, hoping they haven't gotten as drunk as you two in the time they've been gone.

you don't pay attention to any of it, walking on shaky feet to cove's front door and he's more busy kissing your neck than finding his keys so you push him up against the door and take his keys from his back pocket, stumbling through the door when you finally get it open with much struggle.

and you crash onto his bed, cove grinning drunkily up at you, his big hands felt like they were burning your skin and it's all such a blur of lips, tongue, loud moaning, and "I love you"'s

when you wake up its because of your manager blowing up your phones, and when cove fumbles for your phone that's ringing on the floor beside the bed, he answers w a groggy "hello..?"

(it makes your manager madder but you don't know that)

he puts it on speaker, just letting them yell about the pictures the pap published from last night.. and like the assholes yall are you go to the camera app, settling yourself in cove's lap and he pulls the sheets up to cove your lower halves, the sheet caught between his arm and your exposed (and thoroughly marked) back, cove giving the camera a hooded look as he hides his smile in your shoulder..

your manager starts yapping about something, you weren't paying attention, trying to shush each others giggles as you move around to take another picture, this time with your hands tangled in cove's hair and giving him a kiss (if you can even call it that since you're both smiling too much)

and as your manager finally stops ranting...

"you might wanna check my insta." and you hang up before they can start yelling again <3

[fancoloredglasses]

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Making it fun to yell at the movie since 1975), Conclusion

[All images are owned by 20th Century Fox Disney....wait, really?! Anyway, please don't sue, kill, eat, or...whatever they did to everyone at the end...me]

WARNING: This review is NSFW, as it deals with sexual themes. You’ve been warned.

Are you OK with this? Good, then let’s continue.

This review is going to be done slightly different than most, even the one that was essentially a musical in that I will be going over the songs after the clips (as most of the plot is driven through them) and will be including audience partici…

SAY IT!

…pation lines (at least the ones I do) on occasion. These will be done in chat font (as shown above).

(Word of warning, despite whatever I may say at the movie, it’s not intended to be mean-spirited. I’m just going along with the show)

PREVIOUSLY ON...

Brad Majors...

ASSHOLE!

...and his fiancee Janet Weiss, ...

SLUT!

...following their car breaking down, find themselves in the castle of Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Frank, along with his servants Riff Raff and Magenta and his groupie Columbia, have created life! (to wit, Frank's newest plaything Rocky) Frank was also visited by Brad and Janet's friend Dr. Everett Scott.

Over the course of the film, Frank has seduced Brad and Janet. Janet later seduced Rocky. In a fit of revenge, Frank turned Brad, Janet, Dr. Scott, and Rocky into statues (as well as Columbia when she started getting mouthy) Frank then ordered Riff and Magenta to set up a floor show for some reason.

Now, on with the show!

(One has to wonder what happened to their clothes after they were Medusa’d. They certainly don’t reappear when it’s reversed!)

(Thanks to St0neykins)

Then the back curtain raises to show…

What the fuck is a “radio picture”?

…and the Big Number continues.

(Thanks to kaszalotta)

…and it degenerates into an underwater orgy.

Dr. Scott somehow breaks free from the Medusa Effect…

…but he’s not much help. This continues until…

Hey Frank, in 15 words or less, whose castle is this?

The show does a big finale (including everyone doing a chorus line)

…but unfortunately I can’t find a video clip, so you’ll have to imagine it. Ultimately, the production is shut down by Riff Raff.

(Thanks to Blues mama)

Frank then breaks into song about returning to Transylvania.

(Thanks to We do NOT deserve Keanu Reeves!)

Unfortunately, it turns out that the only way Frank is returning is in a body bag.

First one to scream gets it in the tits!

With Columbia now dead, Riff takes aim and fires on Frank, killing him. Rocky then runs to Frank’s body and attempts to carry it away.

CHEST! OF! STEEL!

Riff’s beam has little effect on Rocky as he shuffles away.

TRANSVESTITE! OF! STEEL!

Unfortunately, Rocky’s escape plan involved climbing the set, which collapses, killing him on impact.

TOWER! OF! PLASTIC!

With Frank and his closest companions dead, Riff announces that the castle is being transported to their homeworld, so unless Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott want to come along…

Does this mean we can’t use the phone? Castles don’t have phones, asshole!

With that, the production blows the rest of its budget turning the castle into a rocket.

Now, depending on where/how you watch the film, you may or may not see the closing number. US video releases do not have it, but some US theatrical releases do. I include it for completeness.

(Thanks to fl00wy)

Hope you enjoyed this sexually deviant journey. I encourage all of you to find which of your local theaters is showing the film this Halloween and experience it for yourself.

DON’T DREAM IT! BE IT!