#anyway I don’t know how to fix this lol.
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Concerning Kakashi's skill as a teacher, I think a lot of the differing opinions how good he is is caused by differing ideas of what he's supposed to do. I've seen a lot of fanfic that "fixes" him and makes him more of a drill sergeant, having him decide how team 7 trains and what roles they take. A more true to canon take, I think, is that his job is to be more of team leader than having a master-apprentice kinda role. He teaches mission procedures, handing clients, and basically how to live as a ninja. He could probably give them some advice, about actual jutsu and stuff, maybe recommend certain teachers, make sure they aren't being irresponsible, etc. I think that he shouldn't have had to teach them tree walking, that being something they discover on their own, maybe with hints, but had to ignore subtlety due to the Wave mission. Like, the only other sensei that actually seems to be teaching their assigned student actual jutsu is Gai and Lee, everyone else, even close pairs like Asuma and Shikamaru, seems to be more like role models, or mentors. Idk if I'm explaining it right. TLDR Kakashi's a good sensei, his role in team 7 was never to be a drill sergeant/combat instructor, that role is fulfilled by master/apprentice relationships like Gai and Lee, and Sannin and team 7.
I may be wrong, but I don’t ever recall questioning Kakashi’s teaching skills. Heeeck, I’m one of his most ardent defenders 😊 lol. But I do also recognize his humanity.
I think Kakashi became a better sensei over time, but didn’t necessarily start out as a “good” sensei. But, before anyone jumps on me, that’s the nature of any job; especially one you never wanted. You learn by experience. A fresh, out of school, green neophyte on their first day ever on the job anywhere is not going to be as skilled as someone who’s been there 20 years, five years, or even just one year.
Kakashi, as a sensei, was just as confused as Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were as students. Dude was winging it, because there wasn’t any other way. He wasn’t expecting them to pass, nobody else ever passed his test before and he didn’t have enough faith in the Konoha ninja education system to believe they’d create a team of kids who could work as a team. He was only in school for a year, if that, so he didn’t know what those kids were learning. So, he wasn’t prepared. Or even lowkey, he may not have wanted them to pass because it meant, omg, I have to be responsible for other people, tiny other people, tiny other people with no skills.
In Anbu, yes, he was a captain, but that was different. Anbu was loneliness. Anbu was darkness. Anbu members were expected to be cold-blooded killers. And Anbu members typically weren’t 12 (he, Itachi, and Yamato/Tenzo were exceptions). He also didn’t have to teach; just train. Different ballgame.
Anyway, I digress, back to Team 7, one was the son of his sensei who he trying desperately to not remember because it hurt, not to mention the kid was feral (yeah, I said it, 12-year-old OG Naruto was feral - severe neglect will do that); another was the last member of his clan that was brutally murdered under the authority of the village, so that kid was a just a wee bit unhinged; and the third was the this little kunoichi that from his perspective probably shouldn’t have been in the ninja world in the first place because it was a cruel, cold, brutal life and she was “normal.” He didn’t know what to do with a normal kid - he was never one. In the end, he accepted the situation for what it was and learnt as much as he taught. And that’s the beauty of it - the teacher became the student and the students became the teacher.
It seems like the academy teaches bare basics - heck, he graduated in a year at age 5. I’m not downplaying his skills by any means, just stating the freak of nature that he is, completed years long training in just a fraction of that time and not sure if that says something about him or the education system - they weren’t prepared to work with prodigious kids and that says a lot. Yeah yeah yeah somebody will say they were at war, so they let the brat graduate. But that’s another post.
Anyway, that being said, I agree the academy should teach more. I strongly believe they should, at a bare minimum, learn their chakra nature while there. That seems like common sense. Just give out the litmus paper and test them and group them accordingly (I find it hard to believe that there are a bunch of shinobi going around not knowing what nature they have. Guess it would be based in your clan??). The basics of chakra control, water walking, tree climbing, etc… Makes you wonder what the heck they did teach them while there. I’m beginning to think it was just regular school and they learned some “cool ninja stuff” here and there - clones, substitution jutsu, taijutsu…
That being said, from what I garner, your clan is supposed to teach you their secrets and jutsu. Your sensei can’t do that. The school is supposed to teach you the basics 🤷🏽♀️. And your sensei is supposed to hone those skills. Take you on missions so you can learn in the field. Train your skills. Find your talents and strengths and enhance them.
As for Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai. I believe they all trained their students in different ways. My girl Kurenai doesn’t get much screen or page time, so you don’t know what she did or didn’t do or the hours she put in with them. Same for Asuma. You only get to see Gai’s team so much because Rock Lee is so awesome Gai is Kakashi’s rival, so more screen time by proxy. That’s not to say Asuma and Kurenai didn’t spend hours upon hours training their squads. Which I believe they did because at the end of the day, the K12 kicked butt and that required intensive training. Remember, all because you don’t see it happening, doesn’t mean it didn’t. They’re all amazing sensei in their own right. If you think about it, all those kids made it to the Chunin Exams, meaning a minimum of 8-9 missions. Remember Iruka tested Team 7 before the exam to see if they were ready. Thinking or hoping someone tested the other teams too. Which means those sensei had to put in time with them.
As for drill sergeant Kakashi, not sure if you’ve ever taken martial arts, but I have/do. Sensei are not the nicest people by any means- out of the dojo, they can be, but on the mat, when training, you might as well have a drill sergeant. They yell in your face, they throw you around (painfully). They want you to be serious and understand the seriousness of it. They are training you to fight and yes, you do learn techniques that can be lethal and how to use weapons irl. So, they have to be serious and they do work with you based on your own skillset. So, there’s some merit to that, historically. So, in a world that’s built around the shinobi system, Kakashi as a drill sergeant-sensei is possible and that doesn’t make him any more/less good or bad than the other sensei. Same for Kakashi as mentor-sensei. I think he became Team Leader Kakashi with the introduction of Team Kakashi, when he acknowledged them as his equal. But at the end of the day, why can’t he be all three? There’s a time and place for each role and no one size fits all approach to teaching. At the end of the day he was trying his best. They all were. And he was a good, but flawed, sensei. They all were.
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I figured it out.
#My posts are getting censored. For posting bunnies. [tumblrs sensors are being sensitive and picking something?????? Up they don’t like] lol#It all makes sense now aughhhh#No wonder every time there’s a problem it’s specific to the image and not the text. I feel so stupid.#anyway I don’t know how to fix this lol.
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literally the easiest way to make someone care about a character and make them feel well-rounded beyond basic traits like personality, sexuality, ethnicity, etc, is to give them an actual character arc, and it’s shocking how many people do not seem to fully realize this
you cannot just cram a bunch of tropes. tropes are not the main event, they are tools to tell the story you wish to tell. emotional impact comes from the lead up, so you can’t just jump ahead and expect the payoff to work. “I want this character to just ___ already!” but they’re not there yet. that’s where the arc comes in - how do they get there?
and! most importantly, and this is something I really want people to think about when writing - the most important relationship your character should have, always, is with the world and society around them. defining your character purely through their interactions with other characters are, I find, how a lot of female characters end up feeling flat or not engaging with the themes as much as the male characters, and also how queer and non-white characters wind up as devices for other characters’ development instead of being more fleshed out
#storyrambles#sorry maybe this comes across a bit passive-aggressive but agh fandom drives me crazy sometimes#I’ve seen some stuff concerning dbda and it’s just#‘why didn’t Edwin just sleep with the cat king’ oh my god. did you watch the show. his repression is literally the crux of his arc#‘I’m fixing the end of the show so that they end up together!’ but they’re not there yet. there’s nothing to fix?#‘they better ___ in season 2 or im gonna be mad about it’ how about we let the story play out. how about we calm down and enjoy the story.#‘I need ___ to kiss right now!!!’ do you even enjoy the story. do you even enjoy these characters.#what is their arc. tell me right now. because I don’t think you actually know.#and I’ve seen lots of posts kind of like this but it’s wild with this show in particular because it’s canonically a queer show#so there is no fear of being led along or of no payoff. what are you freaking out about???#gah. sorry. it just frustrates me.#the most interesting character dynamic will always be - to me anyways - the way they interact with the world around them#and the way society has shaped them and they shape society in turn#and relationships with other characters are reflections of the mentality they have received and adapted from society#just like in real life lol
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Rough sketches of my 2k3 Angel redesign! She was only in 5 episodes, but I care her… and also I may or may not be writing a fic about her >:3c
#tmnt#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2k3#tmnt angel#my art#I don’t know how to make a read more on mobile so look here for rambling#like okay during my rewatch of 2k3 it was so clear to me that Angel’s a woc#I mean seriously look at her grandma whose design I didn’t alter that much#but for some reason whoever produced The Darkness Within didn’t get the memo???#why is she so pale in that ep and why is Ryan her bro so White lmao#anyways I’ve fixed that too#if you’re wondering why I decided to use Puente for her surname instead of Bridge like in IDW#it is simply because I don’t like it lol#also you can’t tell me that Angel LH and Klunk wouldn’t be an iconic trio#Angel and LH would kick so much ass and Klunk is their lil mascot uwu
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#i’m terrified to ever watch this movie. i think it would kill me. basically it’s about a marriage falling apart.#anyway—adam driver would do so good as bobby in company and i would die to see him in it#i’m seeing company tonight!!#it’s a special musical to me. it’s about marriage. how marriage is both exciting and boring and makes your life better and worse.#the months leading up to our wedding i was kind of a cynical mental wreck. there was so much i did not like about my husband-to-be.#sometimes i felt like the only reason i was going through with the marriage was because it was too late to get out of it.#i had spent my teen and college years wanting to have a boyfriend/husband then i got one and realized#oh wait this didn’t actually fix my problems huh#actually there are NEW problems now#and then somehow this past year has actually been like. the best year of my life lol#it’ll be a year next month!#yea there are still those Little Things. sometimes there are Bigger Things. but bruh this dude is so good for me#i have never been thriving as much as i have this year.#i’m so much healthier in so many ways than i have ever been all my life#and like it’s cringe to say that cuz i don’t want to say MARRIAGE is what fixed me but. i think it’s okay to say that#there must be some kind of GOOD to marriage otherwise there’d be no point in doing it#and i think i make his life better too. he tells me so at least lol.#and i’ll only be able to watch the show with one eye LOL but my husboi will be with me watching this musical#that i used to listen to when i was angsty about getting married#and now we are married#and life is great.#somebody need me too much#somebody know me too well#somebody pull me up short and put me through hell#and give me support#for being alive…#yeah there are times when it’s harder than being single but. the blessings are multiplied along with the hardship.#shywalker stuff#Youtube
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Jericho Soberanis <3
#arc of a scythe#neal shusterman#jericho soberanis#aoas#digital fanart#gonna be honest#no idea how canon compliant this is#also don’t know why i went so piratey haha#anyway enjoy lol#edited to fix the hand whoops
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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It’s seem like I can’t escape the “people don’t want to come to work so now I gotta do their mess” shenanigans…
#literally the most two irksome work pet peeves happen today and I was pissed#1st is waiting until the last second to do or change something#2nd is people who call out for a bs reason and how I gotta do your work unprepared#I work with adult learning and online webinars stuff like that#I’m like a producer I set the webinars up and I’m supposed to moderate them intro the speakers etc#and they are live events with people attending online#why two days before the event the ceo was like I don’t like the platform let’s change it…#plus some others problems they had…#why are we discussing two days before????? we had all month to discuss changes or concerns#okay there’s major problems with the event so I gotta fix some stuff and now it’s on me#to research a new platform they want this done asap#I’m annoyed cause why is this urgency my issue?#this should have proper discussed way before we rolled out the product#THEN during that this girl in my team was basically like I’m taking off so now you have to take over my event#outta nowhere…#I gotta do the rehearsal tomorrow and I know nothing about the event…#like you have been planning this event for months and all the sudden you gotta be off…#you have been complaining that’s low attendance and it’s probably gonna fail I hate#YOU just don’t wanna do it!!!#it’s like a random classmate coming up to you and saying#you gotta do my presentation now I’m gonna be out#and not send any notes or details or nothing…#don’t know why you wouldn’t show up to your own presentation besides an emergency#which apparently they knew about it last week but tells me at the last second being vague about it#maybe it’s kiosk trauma but I can just sense the bs#like not even gonna send some sub plans or anything???#that’s nutty!!!#anyway got hit with a double whammy I was so mad#but I will calm down and deal lol#callyie chat
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hey so. was anyone gonna tell me that last year I wrote *the* most tender lonan & harrison moment in feeding habits ORRRRR (harrison cuts lonan’s hair):
On the floor, Harrison eases Lonan’s skull over his knee and mimics what Suzanna does for him every other month: a modest section between his index and middle finger, then a tentative snip. A section. A snip. As he cuts, chips of Lonan’s hair falling to the tile, he notes the geography of Lonan’s skull, rough with uneven hair. He’s so focused on taming it all to one length that at first, he doesn’t notice when Lonan flushes crimson all the way to his throat. How he blinks rapidly to dislodge the tears netting his eyelashes, and eventually covers his face with his hands. Harrison snips again, and Lonan makes a strangled noise, like an animal’s cry. Tentative at first, like a short clearing of the throat, and then ugly, like a caribou dying. Harrison clenches his jaw, knowing it’ll only be harder to cut Lonan’s hair if he too starts to cry, but that doesn’t matter. Within seconds, his eyes swell, and as he snips, hair scattering like both of their old lives dissipating, he smooths his free thumb over Lonan’s forehead. He doesn’t know what else to do. How to imbue comfort. He’s not like Suzanna who understands that sometimes a person just needs another person to appear with a plate of papas, or a rented chick flick, and just be there. Within minutes, Lonan’s hair is at a new normal: shorter than it’s been in years, but in shape to regrow. Harrison sets the scissors onto the tile. He cups Lonan’s cheek with his palm, brings his forehead so close to his that they nearly touch. And he’s there. A bamboo stake waiting for a strand of ivy to give it new purpose.
#THE WAY I HAVE NOOOO RECOLLECTION OF THIS SCENE#WROTE THIS IN 2022 IM WEEEEEPPPINNGGGG#not harrison not crying but wanting to cry because lonan is crying#ohhhHHH IM HURTTTT#this is so hallowed bodies Lonan coded too like if there’s one thing HB Lonan will do#it’s cover his face with his hands and cry (THE CHERRIES LOL)#yeah this LITERALLYYYYY healed me I love seeing them like this#MW 3……… PLSSSS#if u don’t know the feeding habits lore#Eliza who’s Lonan’s girlfriend lol cuts off his hair because biblical references#and it looks… bad LOL but it’s a big thematic moment because Lonan’s hair is 90% of his personality#anyway so Harrison’s fixing it here#I cannot imagine Lonan with short hair tho lol but that’s how he looks in the second half of the book!!!!#THE NEAR FOREHEAD TOUCH AT THE END I JUST NOTICEDDDD OMGGGGG#OHHH I AM NOW JUST NOTICING THE THUMB THING IM CRYYYINGG THEY ARE TENDYYYY#I was looking thru FH for Harrison quotes since I finished his aesthetic!! now I’m just reeling!!!
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#wrt lrb; i think it’s really well meant! esp as part of the whole ‘stop making romance the centre of everything’ thing but i do get it ig#that said fhdjdndkd ppl w no friends DO also get told ‘well yknow.. u got an SO u got family dw about it’ so 🤷♀️🤷♀️#fhdjdnd 2 segue into ‘let’s talk abt me time’ ; think my feelings of despair last ur wrt not being a real person are bc like.. i don’t do#anything.. i interact w everything 2nd hand or smth..#& i’m trying v v v slowly to fix that but idk how#ppp#lol got asked by my manager ‘you’re not a talker are you’ & had to be like. i’m sorry man i’m not#weirdest part was that he then asked if that’d always been the case i#i just truly don’t know how or what to have a conversation abt#anyway i’ve got like no friends and i can only imagine it’s going to get worse.#i’m spending my time poorly
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I don’t think any of my friends would even notice if I just isolated myself lmao
#so I’m gonna do it!!!!#I don’t feel like any of them care anyway#I only have three friends btw no surprise there#honestly it’s a miracle I have any but yknow#it doesn’t matter all but one just continually forget about me even on days they Know are hard for me#and I’m not exaggerating because one sorta checked on me and then I was semi comforting him instead and the other tweeted about hoping I’m#okay but did nothing to actually check on me or anything I’m just a passing thought its like I’m not even there#like a tweet on your priv about me is nothing compared to actually messaging me and checking on me#whatever I’m just a dead flower anyway since I never text first and then I see things where they complain about people that don’t text first#and I get even more self conscious and upset at myself but I can’t do anything about it because when I try lately things go wrong so why try#stop watering a dead plant they say lmao#not like I have trauma that stops me or anything#not like when I had decided I needed help or just someone to talk to it took me hours to finally text#not like I texted first to try and resolve an argument twice lately and you were just even more angry#idk what you want me to do#I just know what I can and can’t do#I haven’t been enough for you this whole year and I know if you leave that he’ll leave too that’s how y’all work#I honestly wanna deactivate my twt but that’ll just piss him off#I just need to live silently until I get the tax money#oh lol just remembered one time when I texted first to try and fix things he tweeted about how he wished he had just killed himself the#night before so he wouldn’t have to have that conversation just then!!!!!!#but no I’m just an awful person because I don’t text first
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Thinking about how my granddad damn near went through the five stages of grief the first time he saw me knitting baby clothes, but now his gut reaction is to be like ‘so which of your friends is expecting’ lol
#when i was 20 i made a lot of hats for premature babies because the hospital was asking for them#and i guess my granddad saw this plus my change in behaviour (i was extremely depressed at this time) and was like ‘oh no’ lmao#i still remember him bringing this man in to fix the gas fire and seeing me and being like ‘what are you making?’ and i was like ‘baby hat’#and this man stops dead and is like ‘why?’ and the gas man just had to stand there like 🧍🏻#anyway my granddad knows better now. he knows i’m a borderline reclusive spinster. i’m my generation’s emily dickinson#without the poetic talent and probably significantly taller#so he sees me making a baby cardigan and is like ‘is this for [my goddaughter]?’ and i’m like ‘nah it’s too small for her.#my mentor’s pregnant. i’m making the 6 month size in case the baby is chonky’ and my grandma pipes up like ‘good idea’ lol#this is approximately the fifth baby i’ve made stuff for; not counting the babies in the hospital. i love making baby clothes tbh#obviously i don’t love it enough to have children of my own.. i’m never doing That. i just like soft baby yarns and quick projects#and experimenting with structure and shaping. i learned how to make socks by making them for babies first. ditto cardigans#it just makes sense. if something is confounding you; scale it down and try again. that’s my wisdom for the day#personal
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hey girl i think you accidentally doxxed yourself in the tags of the bus tracker app post. you may wish to delete or edit that post so that it does not share specific information about your bus
thank you!! thought it was vague enough (there are many bus organizations) but i appreciate the concern 👍
#and if anyone saw it pre-editing: lol no you didn't but it doesn't matter#it is a years old vendetta for a bus i haven't taken in ???#and i am nowhere near anymore :) she lives in my memory though#also could not figure out how to indicate tone in this like i am genuinely appreciative even if it doesn't sound that way#because they don’t make a thumbs up emoji with hearts around it#anyway! will delete but wanted anon to know i saw it and fixed it
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I have this problem that’s like the opposite of nostalgia or something where some things I remember liking a lot as a child I look back and only remember the bad times.
This is specifically about Animal Crossing, loved that game as a kid, but I have literally no idea why, cuz it was just pure hell for me from what I can remember.
#also blues clues but less severe. I like blues clues. but my only childhood memories are when I was scared of it#YES I WAS SCARED OF BLUES CLUES. I HAD A HUGE FEAR OF MYSTERIES. IDK HOW OR WHY. ALSO MY MEGALOPHOBIA DIDNT LIKE THE CLOSE UP PAWPRINTS#the Halloween episode also scared me on several occasions. yes I was a baby. still kind of am.#but like I still have positive feelings about blues clues but ANIMAL CROSSING. ohhh man.#first of all that megalophobia I mentioned uh yeah not a big fan of seeing those big fish.#I was terrified of the rumor that you could see a GINORMOUS fish in the ocean. and I’ve been hearing it was REAL? worst thing ever.#but like. I couldn’t even take care of my irl self so you KNOW my village was totally trashed.#so I had to play while constantly getting told ‘everyone HATES living in this town’ and trying my best to fix it but it’s out of control and#I can’t bring myself to clean (I did it once. it was the happiest I’d been finally getting told positive things.)#my house always full of roaches too lol foreshadowing my life as an adult#ALSO THOSE FREAKING DANGEROUS BUGS WOULD GET ME ALL THE TIME I was always playing at night and getting terrified#I never had a ‘favorite villager’ in the traditional sense cuz none of them ever stayed long. they hated my town.#my fave was actually stitches but I never saw him. maybe I saw him once and he IMMEDIATELY moved out. that was my life.#I can’t name a single villager I ever had in my village cuz they always moved out. I learned not to form attachments even tho I wanted to.#and don’t even get me STARTED on Resetti. if you are a Resetti lover then WE ARE NOT MEANT TO INTERACT 😭#I’m joking I won’t judge you as a person if you like him but at the same time I genuinely on god hate him#opening up the game was a nightmare cuz I knew without fail every time I would have to see him.#‘just save’? it wasn’t ever ME that was doing it. it was my little siblings. and NO I couldn’t stop them. they were like GODS at stealing#not to mention parents would always side with them and make us share the games. they liked to delete saves and were gods at that too#but anyways so I was always stuck with Resetti cuz my siblings couldn’t leave my game alone and also couldn’t bring themselves to save befor#stopping. so every day it would be Resetti. I dreaded it so much because he is like SUPER reminiscent of my abusive step father at the time.#I often cried while just desperately trying to get thru his lectures. they were SO. LONG. and OH MY GOD the time he made me repeat something#I legitimately don’t know what it was but like I kept failing it. I know I was rlly bad with copying things as a kid#there was a time where I made the painful decision to quit in the middle of his rant. knowing that it would be worse next time but I was#simply unable to take it at that point in time. HOW EFFED UP IS THAT. THAT I JUST WANT TO PLAY A DAMN GAME BUT I CANT CUZ OF THE TRAUMA.#I hate Resetti I hate Resetti I hate him so much ‘oh he’s just a character’ THATS WHY IM FREE TO HATE HIM BABY!!! IT MAKES IT WORSE THAT PPL#DELIBERATELY CREATED A CHARACTER LIKE THAT HONESTLY! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO POOR INNOCENT ME!!!#anyways yeah literally everything about animal crossing is so distressing to me and yet I remember loving it. no idea why.#my memories of it have like a dramatic and eerie vignette#and that newer one that came out and everyone was so excited. I can’t handle it cuz of the FISH AGAIN!!! MEGALOPHOBIA BE LIKE!!!!!!!
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may have opened up a bit too much to my therapist yesterday night. how do i fix this before getting a “i think you need a level of help i can’t provide” in my inbox again
#by fix i mean literally erase everything i said from existence…how do i do that…#which i know is the point. it’s just so. like. im cutting my chest open. here’s my heart. do whatever u want with it#once i was with a therapist for a year n i got a little too sad and i got suddenly switched bc she couldn’t help me anymore#n i took it personally for some reason like lol!!! stupid brain!!! im gonna ignore all my feelings and thoughts so i can’t drive anyone#away from me anymore!! stupid brain!!#i hate being depressed i hate having thoughts that make me feel like im a fucking terrible person i hate thoughts that make me sick i hate#thoughts i can’t even utter to myself i hate that i hate myself i hate that i wanna constantly do nothing and i hate how i just#choke everything down and just automatically ignore things so i don’t even know how to properly process when they inevitably come back again#anyway. happy friday#my text
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ROAD TRIP STOP | LOGAN HOWLETT x READER
taking a small road trip with old man logan where you’re halfway to where you need to be, and you're bored out of your mind. unluckily for you, your boyfriend won't possibly give into your antics.
or, logan fucks you in a gas station bathroom <3
word count: 3.3k
WARNINGS/DISCLAIMERS: (18+ only!) fem!reader, porn w/ slight plot lol, piv, unprotected sex, this shit is roughhh, degrading, filthyyy dirty talk, use of pet names, slight choking, coming inside/creampie, manhandling? i guess?, logan refers to himself as "your old man" bc i'm insane, anddd happy ending bc we all know how much i love those! :D
a/n: there aren't nearly enough fics abt old man logan & i need him Badly.
+ logan pictures from @divinesols incredible moodboard <3
ao3 link! | my masterlist
you’re 4 hours into your road trip, and logan, well, being the man he is, hasn’t let you drive a single second.
he tells you that you can just sit there n’ look pretty and that’s good enough for him. but, he’s getting tired, and the nearest hotel isn’t for another 50 miles.
you notice his eyes getting heavier, his body slouching more, his grip on the steering wheel loosening. so, you do what you do best. why not have some harmless fun with your old boyfriend?
your hands subtly inch over to his thighs, fingers trailing the clothed skin just above his knee, and he flinches surprisingly, glancing at you for a moment with that tired face of his.
“what are y’doing? huh?” he asks, with a quirk in his eyebrow and his voice rasping more than usual from his fatigue; it only makes it all the more arousing for you.
you grin, your head turned to look up at him with a sly expression. “just waking you up a bit. you’re practically falling asleep here.”
your fingers move upwards now, slowly but surely, and right before you can reach the spot just below his bulge, he sighs out, gripping your hand to lightly push it off of him.
“not here. got another hour left til’ we’re at the hotel. then, we can rest up, baby.”
you pout, looking at him eagerly. “are you even gonna make it there, lo?” you tease, “your eyes are getting heavier, you’re tired.. why don’t you just let me drive?” you attempt, but you’re knocked down the second you try.
he huffs, shaking his head. “don’t you try that shit. you know what m’gonna say to that.”
you groan at that, rolling your eyes fussily as your head turns to look up at the roof of the car. “you’re insufferable,” you sigh out, jokingly, of course. but, you were with logan long enough to know just how stubborn he could be. that he could almost always be.
which means, you knew exactly how to get what you wanted, in more ways than one.
let’s just say this way was more fun, anyway.
you let out an exasperated breath before turning back to face him, your eyes lighting up just slightly before you open up your mouth.
“guess i just gotta..” you trail off, hands now on your body with your fingertips grazing the skin on your chest; roaming around the loose shirt you had on. “..entertain myself for the next hour then..”
logan turns his head to you now, eyes fixing on your hand just long enough to catch you slip it underneath your bra, cupping one of your tits. you let out a low moan as you look into his eyes, fingers rolling the nipple there, and he scoffs.
it’s a sound that has your heart racing immediately.
“you’ve been a good girl so far, sweetheart. would hate for you to switch up when we’re almost fuckin’ there.” he warns you, turning his head back to the road, having seen enough. “don’t you start now. gonna make you regret it.”
a pang of arousal hits you just like that, pussy involuntarily clenching around nothing as he threatens you; a threat that you definitely need to see for yourself.
you merely pout at him again, but his words aren’t enough to stop you. not when you’re just getting started.
your hand leaves your breast, slowly inching down your stomach, then to the waistband of your shorts, all with your eyes still locked on him. you bite your lip as your hand breaches underneath the material, testing the waters before your fingers reach the hem of your panties.
fingertips aching to dip into the wet heat, you anticipate your own touch as your hands lower, but an immediate grasp at your wrist stops you completely, eliciting a gasp from your throat.
mouth falling open in shock, you turn to look at the man responsible with that gruff look on his face, and that snarl from him gives you more than enough of a warning.
you clear your throat, letting out a noise of frustration towards your boyfriend as he all but tosses your hand away carelessly.
“knock. it. off. don’t make me say it again.”
logan nearly growls at you, moving in closer to get right in your face; he isn’t playing around, and you know it.
but, god, does it only encourage you more.
it isn’t until logan’s focus is completely back on the road that you test the waters again; your fingers finally inserting themselves into your soft, warm folds, wet and waiting so impatiently.
it makes you moan, a hushed sound that you try your hardest to bite back from releasing, but you’re evidently unsuccessful.
so, before you know it, the truck is swerving, causing you to pull yourself back to hold onto the sides of the car, anywhere that you could grab onto. the wheels squeal loudly as the high pitch penetrates your ears, and logan makes a harsh u-turn without a second to waste.
“lo! what the fuck!” you exclaim loudly, wild eyes reaching for his own, but it’s no use. he’s dead set in front of him, shaking his head furiously as the white of his knuckles present itself from holding onto the wheel so tightly.
he’s had enough of your shit.
his eyes never leave the road in front of him once, never returning to you. no matter how much you talk or try to get him to respond, he doesn’t budge.
instead, for the next 5 minutes, silence fills the space between you as your eyes shut from your frustration. it’s all you really can do at this point.
but, it’s only when the high screech of the wheels halting and the gear being put into park has your eyes opening again, eyes latching onto the bright lights in front of you.
a gas station, and the convenience store’s white luminescent glass reflecting on logan’s face. he’s out the driver’s side as soon as you can look at him, and before you can process it, he’s dragging you out of the truck, slamming the door shut as he does so.
you scramble against him, fists almost pushing their hardest into his chest as you whine loudly, increasingly dazed and confused.
“logan, what the fuck are you doing?! let go of me!”
you fight against him harder, but there’s nothing stopping him. not now.
he lets out an exasperated breath, his heavy footsteps embedding themselves into the loud gravel beneath them as he drags you along.
“don’t play that shit with me. actin’ like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing,” he practically yells at you in a hushed voice, “you know what the fuck you’re doing.”
“walk.” he orders you instantly, and you don’t hesitate to obey. not when his voice gets like that.
most of all, because it makes your heart pound—pounding in your chest because he’s right. you know what you’re doing.. but, you can’t say you regret it. no, not one bit.
and if he’s gonna make you regret it, you might as well go all out. right?
his grip on your arm is tight as you walk side by side with him, leading you into the gas station with the door open for you. you can’t even acknowledge the cashier from how quick logan swifts the two of you past them; straight towards the bathroom, and it makes you gulp.
it’s too late for anyone to be around, too late for anyone to care, and you know that. but, the thought exhilarates you anyway.
he shoves the door open with a hushed whisper—one that’s almost incoherent as it escapes his lips. “you wanna act like a fucking brat?” he shuts the door hurriedly, shoving your body against the sink, “i’m gonna treat you like a fucking brat.”
you yelp at the sudden movement, his fingers digging themselves into your skin as you cry out at the feeling. it’s rough and brutal and it burns, but it’s so fucking good.
“lo.. lo, please,” you whine as your eyes shut tightly, the overwhelming sensation of his hands on you and his hot breath hitting your skin being too much to handle.
your body is flush against the sink as you attempt to squirm, to try to get him to do something, anything.
that cruel laugh of his fills your ears—quiet yet booming in your head as it sends chills throughout your entire body, eyes flashing open to look at him in the mirror in front of you. “please? please?” logan mocks you, “do y’even know what you’re asking for, baby? nah.. you don’t.”
“you just want..” logan trails off, his hands mindlessly reaching for your shorts, “to get fucked.. like the whore you are.”
without a single warning, he yanks them down along with your panties, and your whines are impossible to stop when the cool air hits your bare skin. when his filthy words are the only thing you can think about.
“can’t keep these pretty hands to yourself, you gotta rile me up to do it for you?” you hear the clank of his belt unbuckling, the zipper of his jeans sliding down, “gotta piss me off every goddamn time you get so fucking needy? i mean,” he laughs harder now, “not that i really blame you..”
logan pauses, and his eyes that were once staring directly at you now shift to look straight ahead, latching onto your mirrored reflection instead. as if he was looking right into you now. “pretty girl like you.. would be a shame to let this cunt go to waste. so, i’ll do you a favor..”
your jaw falls open in complete shock as your face contorts, as the tip of his cock breaches your tight hole, making your eyes roll back instantaneously with a sob from your lips.
“i’ll use her real good. for what she’s made for, yeah?”
your hands grip the sink in front of you as tightly as possible, body trembling as logan groans into your ear, his hands on your body never loosening.
instead, his grip only tightens as his hips become flush against your ass, his entire cock piercing you to the hilt with a satisfied moan.
“that was easier this time, wasn’t it? gettin’ used to me now. just needed to..” logan takes a moment to pull himself out of you, the tip resting against your entrance as he groans. he slams himself back inside of you so hard that your body fails you, your hands landing on the mirror to hold yourself up, bent over.
“break her in real fucking good.”
your body shakes against him as you cry out at his intrusion, stammering out a string of noises as your walls involuntarily clench around him over and over again. it’s almost as if you’re rapidly adapting to him; the way he stretches you out so much that it hurts in the best way possible. you’re pulsing around him, increasingly growing wetter by the second as your eyes water from the intense sensation.
your words slur with a few whines of what seem to be logan’s name as your hands move back to the sink, attempting to push yourself back up against him, but he stops you. grabbing one of your hands, he places it right against the mirror again, holding it still as he grinds himself into you. it makes you breathe out rapidly, body bent over the sink completely now.
“keep em’ right there. right fucking there. you don’t get to do that. y’don’t get to make any choices here.” he grunts in your ear, his thick beard grazing along your jaw as his eyes flicker from your face back to the mirror. he notices the way you’re trembling, eyes filled with those pretty tears of yours, and it makes him smile—a chuckle leaving him shamelessly.
he takes a moment to admire you, whispering out, “what i’m gonna do to you, baby..” and it makes your eyes flutter shut, warmth filling your core.
his other hand trails up the front of your body now, and it practically covers you completely because of how big it is—your stomach, your breasts, your chest, then finally, your neck. your gasp is loud; heavy, as his fingers wrap around your throat, holding you still for him.
all of you in the palm of his hand—all in his control.
you moan eagerly as he looks into your eyes through the mirror, grinning almost maliciously, “isn’t this what you wanted?” he laughs, his hips stirring a bit as he agonizingly pulls out of you, making you wince, “you wanted my attention so bad, wanted my cock so fucking bad..” he growls in your ear, his hand sliding from your throat to the back of your neck, pushing you down hard, and it makes you grip onto the side of the sink even more.
“well, now you fucking got it.”
the sound of his rasping grunt hits you first; before you’re sobbing out on his cock, pelvis hammering inside of you with a tight hold on your neck, keeping you there with no chance of stopping, no squirming, no escaping.. no running away from this.
all you can do is take it as he pounds into you, the agonizing ache of his cock sliding in and out of you rapidly increasing the coil in your core, your loud cries and moans enough to make him go harder.
“there you go, there she is..” logan grits out, hands now grasping at your hips, smacking your ass, eliciting a grunt from you, “better fuckin’ hope no one walks in here, or else all they’re gonna see is some whore gettin’ used.”
you cry out as you feel the tip of his cock reach the deepest parts inside of you, nudging your g-spot suddenly as a tear slides down your cheek, your knuckles white from how tight you were grasping at your surroundings. your cheeks grow hot from the idea of that happening, stomach tightening as heat pools your core.
“what’d they think, huh? you think they’d wanna join in on the fun? bet they’d wanna fuck you too after i’m done with you. tightest fuckin’ hole i’ve ever had.”
you whine out now, shaking your head desperately in retaliation as you deny it. you couldn’t ever have another man like this, not now, not ever—only him.
logan sighs out, “no, no, no, i’d never let em’ baby, don’t you worry,” he reassures you, pressing his lips against the top of your head, “this,” he murmurs, his hand reaching to cup the front of your cunt, the rough skin on his palm grazing your clit just enough to make you squeal, “s’all fuckin’ mine. you hear me? not a single soul gets to use her like i can.”
“not like she’d want it anyway. only wants my cock in her. s’the only way she can really be filled up.. fucked stupid and cryin’ for me. ain’t that right? never got fucked by a man like me before y’met me, and i’m sure as hell no one will ever get her trembling like i do.”
you shake your head again, tears continuously spilling out of your eyes as your stomach tightens repeatedly, “n-no, lo, only you—” you stammer out as logan buries himself inside of you to the hilt, plunging into the warm heat of your walls, and he slows, relying on pure power than pace now. the harsh drive of his hips has your head fogging up, so close to reaching your peak with your cunt shuddering.
“ohh, there we go, she’s doing it now. shaking all over this fucking cock, squeezin’ me so tight,” he hisses, “that all you up in this pretty little head, or can you even control it? can’t even control it, can you, baby?”
a string of noises leaves your lips, breathless and mixed with whines and a few tears in your eyes as your core spasms out, his cock hitting deep inside of you repeatedly.
“what was that? can’t really.. understand you, baby, y’gotta speak up..” he teases, a mean laugh escaping his throat, “c’monnn, use your words, really think em’ out, say em’ clearly.”
“c’mon, show me that you’re still my good girl. my good little girl. speak up for your old man, honey.”
you yelp out at his filthy words, “m’.. i c-can’t.. control it, ah!” your moans involuntarily stringing out, eyes fluttering shut and rolling to the back of your head, your pussy convulsing around him intensely. “g-gonna–c-cum, lo, oh—” you spit out, your chest grasping for as much air as possible.
he hums in your ear now, fingers reaching for your clit and fastening tight, harsh circles at it, making you shudder, your cunt throbbing around his cock—pulsating over and over again as you start to see white. “gonna fill you up, sweetheart, gonna make you take it, fuck.”
you can’t even register him anymore as he talks you through it, the “come for me, baby,” muffled in your ears as you listen to him, cunt constricting around him tightly as you soak him, and the sound is filthy as logan chases his release, squelching loudly from your climax.
you let out a muffled sob as logan finally reaches his peak, slamming himself deep inside of you as he holds you there, the spurts of white hot spilling & coating your walls. all you can hear is the ringing in your ears, along with the mixture of your heavy breaths and logan’s rasps surrounding you.
logan’s strong arms pull you up against him as you catch your breath, heart rate slowing as your back leans against his chest tiredly. he mutters sweet nothings to you, praising you with kisses along your neck, cheek, then to your lips.
“my good fucking girl, my sweet girl—oh, baby,” he hums in your ear, eyes shut as he takes you in. you sigh out, breathing him in as your hand reaches behind, landing on the back of his head to pull him in closer, “god, i love you.”
you laugh, pressing a mindless kiss on his skin, “i love you more, lo, i–i’m sorry for acting out, for being such a—” you begin to apologize, but he just shuts you up with another peck to your lips. “shh, you hush now. i appreciate it.. you riling me up all the damn time. s’ the only way i can still feel so young.”
you giggle, eyes opening up to turn your head to him, taking in his disheveled look—tired, old, grumpy. the man you loved, as handsome as ever.
“always young in my eyes, lo..” you smile, “besides.. it’s the only way i can get you to fuck me that good.” you tease.
he huffs, rolling his eyes. “i fuck you that good every goddamn time, n’ don’t you deny it.”
you laugh, nodding. you can’t deny that fact. but, your eyebrows furrow slightly, suddenly thinking back to the previous events.
“did you really fuck me in a gas station bathroom, babe? what if someone walked in?!” you groan, pushing your forehead into his chest, embarrassed.
he chuckles, “locked it the minute we got in here, baby. wouldn’t let anyone see you like that,” he reassures you, gently gripping the side of your head to make you look up at him, “you got that?”
his face is stern now as he looks into your eyes, and those butterflies in your stomach erupt as if it were the first time you ever got them from him. you nod though, gleaming up at him.
“got it.”
he grins, “good. now, let’s get you cleaned up n’ back on the road. back’s killing me even more now n’ that bed’s calling my name.”
you laugh at him, teasing him further. “old man.”
you wouldn’t want it any other way.
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