#anyway 💔���� wishing hoping praying on him

[shoverse]

miss him

[ruminate88]

find a “supportive group”:

12/31/4 Your path is personal though

It’s great to find others going through similar experiences even if their experiences is more to do with family and not romantic ex partners but yet… emotional abuse is the same no matter who or where it came from.

You CAN encourage each other but it’s not each other’s jobs to heal each other AND it’s a very personal matter. No different than if I was healing a broken bone, no one else can go through that healing process but me!!! 🌹

when I was with my ex Cody, he told me all about his disorders and kept asking me to “fix him”. Oh I tried… I was the family caretaker back then. I was my bro’s nanny. I was in between his house and mine; cleaning his house and my parent’s house too. I cooked and helped the kid’s with their homework. I was carrying everyone’s burdens back then!!!! I believed back then I loved Cody and nothing he threw at me scared me off. I told myself I was “all in” and we even played around with the idea of me moving out to live with him in conversation… (of course it was right before he ghosted me because that’s what they do)

Unfortunately, in trying to understand him and saying I will help him heal, I only hurt my own self. Cody made me lose faith in my ability to love because back then I believed love could heal anything!!!! So when “my love wasn’t enough” then what’s wrong with me???? Have I lived a lie that whole time????? Is love real?????? 😭💔

Not until years later do I understand only a higher love could help Cody. My physical, earthly, love is very limited. Also, if Cody isn’t actually wanting to heal; then of course nothing I do or say can help anyway. You don’t love people to change them. You love them as they are and they change if they want to. I can’t carry his burden. I can pray for him but I can’t do anything on my own for him 🥺 and I felt like a failure. I felt I let him down and when he ghosted me, felt like all my effort and love for him was a big waste and a lie. He made me look so foolish and stupid. How can you ask someone to love and help you then totally discard them and disregard them as not even a human with feelings????

sure if he really had all these disorders, I’m sure they play a major part in his behavior. If he had trauma then sure, that also impacts you and can create barriers. I am only knowing all this now because of how he and others have impacted me, I can almost relate to him more now but still doesn’t take away the harshness and the pain!! At least now I know I can’t make others happy. I want to. I’m an entertainer at heart. I get pleasure out of making folks smile but I can’t even make my own self smile most of the time!!!! Without God or a higher love/power, I’m hopeless….. honestly.

AND YOU CAN NOT COMPARE YOURSELF ❤️‍🩹 While someone else may be in therapy seemingly processing things better or faster than you, doesn’t change their pain or your’s. Everyone’s journey is different! Everyone comprehends things differently and understands things differently. Everyone has a different point of view. I decided in 2024 to focus on writing and spending time alone. Solely focusing my own path and not worry about anyone else’s path. Sure I talk about hoping my exes can find healing too cuz there’s nothing wrong with wishing people well, even if you can’t trust them or be in contact with them. 🌹🌹🌹❤️‍🩹 I think sending positive thoughts and prayers is good and what if I’m the only one who cares enough to do that for them???

DON’T GIVE UP! Take it one day at a time. When I don’t look at my feed or messages, I’m choosing to focus on my own problems and not worry who is or isn’t doing right or wrong. I don’t hate anyone but I gotta worry about my own flaws. Can’t fix anyone. I can barely fix me. (Plus I get nervous to check my messages in case it’s something bad)

[choccorin]

YAYAY IM HAPPY THAT THEY TOOK YOUR APOLOGY WELL and itsokay im also a coward in conflicts like i try to avoid drama but somehow i end up being part of smth ??? WAIT STORY TIME HELP SORRY THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY LONG 💔💔

ok for background context i used to like this guy last year (he… was not the best person but shh) and we got really close like he considered me his best friend but he knew i liked him so it was like really awkward sometimes when he would just stare into my soul and it gave off the vibes of “i know u like me and i will make u miserable!!” BUT ANYWAYS he forced me to confess (kinda) like he msged me and said smth along the lines of “i know you like me and just be honest.” why did he put me on the spot i do not know but i found no point in lying cuz apparently when he was at this competition a few ppl were talking about my crush on him?? i dont know how other ppl figured it out???

I MEAN OK TO BE FAIR I WAS REALLY OBVIOUS but also i didnt openly admit that i like him !! whenever classmates would ask id always say like “no i dont” or that its none of their business but they just love to get into anything relationship crush related like this isnt middle school anymore 💔 ang immature talaga nila pag nalaman may crush yung isa sa classmate ☹️ ANYWAYS ppl took that answer as “yes i like him!!” so they would just constantly talk about it whenever they see the guy so that explains why they were talking about me at that competition (i wasnt even there.) but he rejected me and i dont like him anymore. we are still good friends i suppose bc he still tells me everything HELP

anyways to the actual drama thats still happening rn its been like 3 months ..!

throughout that entire thing im afraid that there was a girl (shes my classmate currently) who was LITERALLY WISHING ON MY DOWNFALL BC SHE LIKED THE GUY TOO AND STILL DOES. like girl you can have him i dont like him anymore !! but shes been talking shit about me since ive been around him recently + SHE THINKS I STILL LIKE HIM. im usually a touchy person w my friends if they let me but it isnt even romantic or anything im just “abusive” (which is what they describe me as) since i sneak up behind them and slap their shoulder as hard as i can. HELP I PROMISE THEYRE FINE W ME DOING THIS IM NOT ONE OF THOSE PPL WHO JUST DO IT FOR NO REASON 💔 I DO IT BECAUSE THEY BULLY ME BUT ANYWAYS THIS GIRL REALLY DOESNT LIKE ME TOUCHING HIM (this sounds so wrong out of context..) shes really mad about me being close to him like im sorry he wants to be my friend?? im not stopping her from talking to him nor do i care if she does. im like 99% sure she was crying yesterday because i slapped his shoulder. i feel bad but i also dont bc she can go slap him too….. its not that special gang

she also calls herself an “outsider” and thinks the guy doesnt care about her since he doesnt talk to her. miss girl i think hes just creeped out by how you treat his friends LIKE IF I WAS IN HIS POSITION I DONT THINK I WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HATES ANY GIRL I INTERACT WITH

IM GETTING OFF TOPIC STOP BUT shes been spreading a whole bunch of rumours and talking about me with her friend group (who also hates me bc of this) and im pretty sure she thinks idk about what shes doing because whenever she talks to me its always strangely nice or asking me for academic help. like at this point i dont know the answer to the chem homework either stop asking me since you hate me sm!!

im praying she stops being like this bc shes genuinely a nice..??? person. shes just weirdly obsessed w the guy and will do anything to stop him from interacting w any girls other than her. LIKE IF WE IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE SHE DID shes a decent person that i could be friends with. i cant even apologize to her or anything since I DONT KNOW WHAT TO APOLOGIZE FOR?? “hi im sorry for liking and slapping the guy you have a crush on” LIKE THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE HELP but ill just let it marinate i guess and hope for the best 😓😓

IM SORRY IDIDNT THINK THSI WOULD BE SO LONG I HOPE EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE IM TOO LAZY TO READ IT OVER 💔💔 i hope u dont mind long asks pookie

- 🐙

OMG SAME !! i avoid drama but got caught it in during ninth and tenth grade :'3 so i'm trying to be cautious about the friends i make and also trying to keep my circle small </3

oouugghff knowing that someone knows you like them is sooo awkward AND HE STARES AT YOU TOO ??? i would pass out on the spot ... i hate those types of classmates na laging nasa business ng iba .. ESPECIALLY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS !!!! i think may ganyan talaga every grade. except for college, i think. since mas mature na mga tao dun but you never know. AWWHHH GOOD FOR YOU !! i personally wouldn't be close friends with him after that because people might get the wrong idea </3

SEEE, I TOLD YOU PEOPLE WOULD GET THE WRONG IDEA !! 🥹🥹🥹 why can't she just ask you if you still have a crush on him like she's making conflict for no reason at all. ( •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ )

why do girls have to go through phases where they go insane over a SINGLE BOY !! but i guess it's a canon event and they'll just grow out of it .. but! three months is actually so long ?? how do you deal with that 🐙 anon ... i would be so fed up and just confront her about it. i hope she confesses to the boy soon and he rejects her ( i assuming he doesn't like her ) so that this situation will be over. 🥹 if you let it marinate, it'll either get worse or get better, no in between! ( trust me, i've been there. )

ANYWAYS! i don't mind long asks, i love them a lot actually :3 it feels like chatting with a friend :33

[lqfiles]

STOP ITFNFJRNFJDBBFJ no marks black hair is so good we had to devour that.. 🤤🤤 LIKE his hair in the smoothie studio choom i kind of giggled to myself. Also speaking of studio choom why did they all look so farking good it actually pissed me off coz wdym ur walking around with a face like that???? Jaemins luscious hair?? Jenos biceps???? Jisungs perfect nose??? Haechans moles??? Marks boba eyes??? Renjun hehe cat???? Chenle FACEEE?? When ur Visual group af...

WAIT ALSO ICFA ENJOYER WE RISEEEEEEE ✌️ like lowk the bsides from that album got me feeling like that guy in the "the party ended 2 hours ago and hes still here" meme well yess i wish it wasnt a mini because it was so lit but that only means we're gonna get sm more music this year 👀👀

BUT ANWYAY I HOPE UR OK MISS SEEING UR POSTS AND WE WILL BE TUNING INTO THE FUTURE SMAUS YASSSSS💋🙈

- 🍮

LIKE WE WAS DROOLING A LOT FOR RHE BLACK HAIR SERVE ICLL 🤤🤤🤫 PLSSS he looked cute tho like ntm on him, it’s better than the short hair he had during jingle ball like i did not like that 💔 the only time i rlly liked short hair on him was during glimo where he had that dirty blonde (?) like omggg that was a SERVE he was taking itttt.. but yeah let’s keep the long hair 😊 DONT EGEN MENTION THAT TO ME THEY LOOKED SO FACKING GOOD WE HAD TO PAUSE FOR A SECOND jaemin haechan and chenle did it for meeee LIKE VISUALS OF THE CENTURY WE CANT REPLACE THEM

HSGDSJSKSJS PARTY ENDED 2 HOURS AND WE STILL DRINKING THAT DIRTY SMOOTHIE 🙏🏽 we was getting litty as hell like the more i listen to the album the better it gets honestly like everything aside from that snooze breathing is a HITTT we love you KINGDREAM and let’s pray for a new full album this year 🤲🏽🤧 anyways thank you so much besss i’m okay i hope you’re good too!!! ILY AND ILL SEE YOU AT THE FUTURE SMAUS TOO 🩷🫂