#anyone* i'm fine i can spell i am just drunk

[gingerteaonthetardis]

stop having ship wars start having gay sex i'm bored of this

[loves0phelia]

Country Girl

Summery: Eddie’s music career is getting to much, what happens when he takes a vacation to a small countryside town?

Words: 4,1k

Warnings: spelling mistakes, characters gets in underwear, mention of drinking alcohol.

A/N: this sucks but I haven’t written in 2 months sooo I hope you enjoy xx

“Are you kidding me?”

“No Eds, you're going to Spring Lake.” Gareth stood with his hands on his hips with a fatherlike glare fixated on his friend whom he almost didn't recognize nowadays. 

“Why would I be going in this shit hole? I am fine right where I am” He said the last bit of his sentence with a long tired sigh as he planted himself down on the beat-up couch in the trailer where all the costumes and concert essentials were stored. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was greasy and sweaty sticking to his forehead. 

“You're not okay Eddie. We can't recognize you anymore. You need some time off, we all do. and it would be better if you got out of the city for the summer ” Eddie scoffed at this and rubbed his hand over his face.

“Ok. Who's we? And who put “we” in charge of me?” He laughed humorlessly and stood up from his seat with an accusatory finger pointed at Gareth's face.

“Julie, but we all agreed with her, Eddie. You can barely stand during our shows because you drank too much beforehand, even the press is talking about it! You're making it hard for all of us-”

“Shut up! Shut up!” His voice bounced on the metal walls and rang in Gareth's ears making him visibly cringe before he stormed out. 

As soon as he stepped out, the cameras started flashing and blinding him, capturing his angry features and red eyes. He couldn't wait to see the newspaper with the various headlines about him and his addictions.

He yanked open the limousine door that was initially the band's way of transport but he couldn't care less about how they would get to the hotel. He slides in, slamming it shut behind him. His eyes flashed with irritation as he leaned forward.

"To the hotel, and step on it, will you? I’ve already had enough shit today. No detours, no shortcuts—just get me there as fast as you can." He barked at the chauffeur.

Without caring for a response he slumped back against the seat, glaring out the window,

The drive was short, as requested. He was back at the hotel before anyone else. Still fuming with rage and decided to dial a number he only called for emergencies.

ring 

ring

ring

“Hello?” The man's voice was soothing in Eddie's ears. 

“Hey, Wayne.” An angry tear fell out of Eddie's eye.

“Eddie, boy do you know how late it is?” Eddie turned his head slightly to look at the clock that lay on the modern-looking bedside table.

“Sorry, I just- I need to talk to you” his throat contracted another tear threatening to fall from his brown doe eyes.

“What's wrong son?” Despite Wayne's strong and deep voice, the concern was clear.

“Julie and the band wants-” Once again his hand made its way into his hair, this time gripping angrily. “They want me to go to Spring Lake for the summer as if they can just send me away! Like- Like to get rid of me” he groaned into the receiver.

“Eddie listen to me” Wayne signed sadly for Eddie.

“What?” 

“I requested it to your manager, okay? I've seen you on TV and I can't even count on my fingers the number of times you've called me in the middle of the night while being drunk. You need a break, son” 

“No, no! I'm fine Wayne” Both of his knees started trembling as he couldn't help the tears from cascading down his cheeks. He felt lost and he couldn't find a way to return.

“You're not Eds. You need to find a way to get better, please listen to Julie when she comes to talk to you, goodnight, son. I love you” The phone pressed against Eddie's ear went flat as the line disconnected. 

He sat there, staring blankly ahead, his face drained of colour. He barely notices the tear that escapes now.

He was used to getting comments from Gareth and Jeff or the rest of the band but never from his uncle.

His chest felt heavy, making it hard to breathe. He wanted to scream, to do something, but nothing came. Instead, he remained still, unable to process everything the night unfolded. 

He felt disconnected as if the world was moving on without him, until a knock came to the door. His eyes which looked blankly at the carpet floor snapped to the hotel room door. He didn't bother to stand figuring out the person on the other side would get the message and leave him alone. 

Unfortunately, the door opened and Julie entered the room. 

“Did you talk to Wayne?” She asked, her voice sharp like a thorn. 

“I did”

“I should've told Gareth to keep his mouth shut about this, it wasn't his place to tell you. I'm your manager, I should be the one taking care of this mess” Her black leather boots stumped on the floor as she approached the bed he was sitting on.

“Wayne said you loved going to Spring Lake as a kid, that's why we thought it would be a great idea.” She added.

“Yeah trailer park, poor, didn't have a life Eddie loved going there, it was the only place where I wasn't freak because everything is disconnected there.” Julie’s eyes soften, her heart feeling sad at the mention of Ed's childhood. 

“I have a life now, I'm a rockstar, and I'm important to people” 

“But you're losing yourself in the process. You need to go back to your roots, and learn what's really important” Eddie sighed in defeat there was no denying it.

“Go to Spring Lake for a couple of weeks and if you hate it, come back. My niece has a cottage she can welcome you”

…

His fingers drummed impatiently on the armrest as the car slowed down to avoid a group of cyclists taking up the road.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered under his breath, glancing out the window at two horses casually munching on herbs. 

The car finally pulled up to a small cottage-looking house, it was small, probably only big enough for two bedrooms and one bathroom. It had a porch swing and a bunch of potted flowers. It was far from what he was used to now.  

The driver opened the door for him, his black combat boots crunched against the gravel. Eddie's expression was clearly stating that he’d rather be anywhere else.

"Let’s just get this over with," he sighed, and he walked towards the entrance of the house. As Marcus “driver” started unloading his luggage.

He raised his fist to connect it to do wooden door frame around the screen door but at the same time the door on the other side swung open as fast as a rush of wind

He wrinkled his nose slightly, the faint smell of fresh baked goods interfered with his overpriced cologne.

“Hi!” you said in a welcoming tone. Eddie was mesmerized by your sun-kissed skin glowing so naturally. Your beautiful hair, loosely tied back with a ribbon, cascaded down your shoulders. your overalls are dirty but charming with a simple floral pattern embroidered into the pockets.

Your face broke into a wide, genuine smile, your eyes crinkled at the corners with the kind of happiness that he wasn't used to seeing.

“It's so nice to see you, Eddie!,” You walked forward pushing the screen door that was separating you both to greet him, making Eddie step back a few feet almost tripping down the small stairs leading up to the porch.,

“I’m y/n. It’s so nice to have you here, I made some blueberry muffins and cinnamon rolls I didn't know which one you preferred… oh! I also have some lemon pie. come in!.”

He barely managed to suppress a groan. Of course, you would be cheerful and kind. Everyone in these small towns always was. Still, there was something about you that made him pause. Maybe it was the way your smile didn’t get flatter even as you faced his cold demeanour or the way your eyes sparkled as you spoke about the dessert you had made for him specifically. He shook off the thought, reminding himself that he was here out of obligation, not to make friends.

“Thanks,” he replied shortly, his tone cold as he glanced around the room, doing his best to avoid looking directly at you.

you didn’t seem bothered by his lack of enthusiasm. Instead, you clasped her hands together, your smile never fading.

“I’ve got your room all ready. there's a dresser and a fantastic view of the lake behind the house. I hope you’ll like it.”

He sighed, already regretting the trip, but nodded. “Sure. Lead the way.”

As you walked ahead of him, he couldn't help but notice the way your hips swayed gracefully. He quickly looked away, feeling annoyed at himself. He wasn’t here to admire the locals, least of all a girl who looked like she belonged in a summer daydream.

You led him up the narrow hallway, talking about various details about the house and the people in town, the kind of small talk that would usually make him roll his eyes. But today, for reasons he couldn’t quite explain, he found himself listening, even if he didn’t respond.

“Here, this is your room and mine is right there” You pointed to the door right next to ‘his’ 

He grunted a thanks, stepping inside and without saying a word he closed the door shut. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. You were beautiful, he admitted to himself, but in a way that was different from the women he was used to. Something was refreshing about you, something real.

But then he shook his head, pushing the thought away. It didn’t matter how beautiful you were. He was here for a few days at most, just to make his manager happy and then he’d be back to his world, far away from this little town and its infuriatingly sunny inhabitants. Still, as he threw himself onto the bed, he couldn’t quite get your smile out of his mind.

….

Eddie stirred beneath the soft blankets, blinking against the unwelcome brightness. He wasn’t used to waking up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window or the scent of fresh coffee wafting through the air. For a moment, he forgot where he was, his mind still groggy from sleep. The sheets were softer, crumb-free and smelled flowery.

Then it hit him—he was in your house in Spring Lake.  The day of his arrival felt like a dream, a bad dream. He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face as he sat up, his hair wild and eyes heavy with remaining sleep. This wasn’t how he usually started his day, and the unfamiliarity of it all only added to his irritation.

Just as he was about to pull himself out of bed, there was a soft knock on the door, followed by it creaking open. You peeked your head in and smiled as bright as ever. Who was this happy at… 8 am?

“Good morning! I hope you slept well,” You said, stepping into the room with a steaming mug of coffee in hand.

He mumbled a response “Morning.”

you handed him the mug, your fingers brushing against his as you did. “I made you some coffee. I thought you might need it. the trip was probably long, you forgot your suitcases outside, but don't worry I rolled them in for you last night” you reassured.

“Thanks,” he muttered, his voice rougher than usual. He took a sip. It was good coffee, surprisingly so. He gave you a nod of approval, which you seemed to appreciate before leaving the room and allowing him to get civil.

After a moment he joined you in the kitchen still looking grumpy “So,” you began “ You don’t exactly strike me as the countryside type so what are you doing here?.”

He raised an eyebrow at your directness.

“Julie didn't tell you?” he replied simply, taking another sip of coffee.

“She only said you already knew your way around town so I didn't need to play guide with you but you don't seem to be from here and I don't think I've seen you before,” you shrugged.

He let out a short, humourless laugh. “I used to come here every summer as a kid”

You tilted her head, studying him.  “Well, I hope you enjoy it as much as you did before.”

He frowned at that. “Enjoy it? What’s there to enjoy? I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere when I could be… I don't know. having fun?.”

��Maybe you can have fun here?” your voice was a little teasing as if in your head you had come up with a sudden plan.

“How?” 

…

“This is Carrot,” You said, patting the horse’s neck affectionately. “He's perfect for beginners”

Eddie arched an eyebrow, “I’m not a beginner,” he said gruffly, though the truth was, he had never been this close to a horse before, let alone ridden one. But he wasn’t about to let that show.

“Alright then, Mr. Experienced. Ready to get on?”

He took the reins with a nod, his grip a little tighter than necessary. He’d seen people ride horses in movies and on TV—how hard could it be? With a deep breath, he approached Carrot. 

“First, put your left foot in the stirrup,” you instructed, watching him closely. “Then swing your right leg over.”

“I know," he cut you off, determined to appear unbothered. For a moment, he hesitated, but he quickly shook it off and pushed himself up. His right leg swung over the saddle, and before he knew it, he was sitting on the horse. He landed with more force than he intended, and Carrot shifted beneath him, causing him to tense up.

“See? Easy,” But he forced himself to stay calm, straightening his posture and gripping the reins as if he knew exactly what he was doing.

“right… So you can race me then?” The corner of your lips lifted in a malicious smirk.

“Race you?” he tensed up again, shifting in the saddle as he tried to find a comfortable position. 

“mhm,”  you said, smoothly mounting your horse.

The horses began to move. Eddie's eyes widened slightly “Wait wait wait, can we take it slow… it's been a while, I just gotta warm up a little” he lied through his teeth.

“I thought you were experienced” You turned your head over your shoulder looking back at him as your horse galloped forward. “Just relax and let him guide you. There’s no rush.”

Relax? Easier said than done. But he wasn’t about to let you see him falter. So he squared his shoulders and  took a deep breath

After a few minutes of you both going slowly around the field, Eddie had finally gotten the hang of it. Or so he thought.

“How about we pick up the pace now? A little friendly race, maybe?” He said, his voice still trembling, clearly not being as confident as he wished to be.

“Alright, you’re on,” you replied. 

You flashed him another grin, then gently nudged your mare forward. Belle (your horse), sensing the challenge, picked up her pace too, and before you knew it, You and Eddie were both moving faster across the field. 

“Come on, Carrot!” he urged with a small proud smile, impressed at his skills, trying to keep up with you, who had already raced slightly ahead of him. 

For a moment, Eddie forgot all about his earlier discomfort. It was just him, the horse, and the open field ahead and for the first time in a while, he felt free.

But then, as he rounded a bend in the open field, Carrot suddenly swerved to avoid a rock hidden in the tall grass. The sudden movement caught him off guard, and before he could react, he felt himself slipping sideways in the saddle. 

The next thing he knew, his legs swinging over the horse’s back as he tumbled off in an awkward arc.

He hit the ground with a heavy thud, right in the middle of a large, muddy puddle. The cold, thick mud splattered everywhere, coating his clothes, face, and hair in a messy, sticky layer. For a second, he just lay there, stunned, staring up at the sky as the reality of what had just happened sank in.

“Oh my gosh Eddie, are you okay?” You jumped down your horse and rushed to his aid, slipping on your knees in the puddle to check for any injuries.

He sat up slowly, wiping mud from his face with a grimace. His once-pristine jacket was now a muddy mess, and his hair stuck out in odd angles, but as he looked up at you, concerned in your eyes, on your knees in the puddle, next to him, he couldn’t help it. A chuckle escaped him, followed by another, until he was laughing.

Your frown quickly turned upside down when you heard the laughter coming out of his mouth. Giggles quickly started bubbling in your throat as well.

“I warned you it wasn’t as easy as it looked,” you teased, grinning as you tried brushing some of the mud off his shoulder.

He let out a mock groan, half-grumpy, half-amused with the situation.

Despite the mud, the fall, and the bruised ego, he felt lighter than he had in days. There was something liberating about letting go, about laughing at himself and the situation, instead of trying to maintain the stoic facade he usually wore. 

”Let's get you cleaned up. I think you’ve had enough mud for one day.” You smiled and grabbed both his hands to help him up from the muddy water.

As you both walked back toward the cottage-like house, side by side, he realized something. For the first time since he’d arrived, he was having fun. And it was all thanks to you.

…

Ever since that day, you and Eddie have been enjoying each other's company.

Today the sun was glowing despite the dark clouds looming in the sky but knowing rain was to come you both decided to stay in the cottage instead of going out to the horse barn. and that's how you ended up standing on your tiptoes, trying to reach a bag of flour on the top shelf. 

Eddie watched you from the doorway with a mix of exasperation and amusement.

“Why don’t you just use a stool like a normal person?” He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. You shot him a determined look, your lips curving into a playful smile.

“I’ve got it, don’t worry. I do this all the time.”

Eddie sighed, watching you struggle with the shelf that was clearly too high for you. You were nothing if not stubborn. Just as he was about to walk over and get the flour himself, you made a final, determined stretch—and knocked the bag off the shelf. It tumbled through the air, heading straight for your face.

“Oh, for crying out loud…” Eddie muttered, stepping forward with reflexes quicker than he cared to acknowledge. He caught the bag just before it hit you but not without consequence. 

The bag burst open on impact, sending a thick cloud of flour exploding into the air.

You blinked, momentarily stunned as the white powder rained down on the both of you. When the cloud settled, you were covered head to toe in flour, your long hair now dusted with white. Eddie wasn't much better, his dark hair and clothes now sprinkled with flour.

“Well… at least you caught it,” you murmured as you and Eddie stood unmoving

Eddie gave you a long, unimpressed look.

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, reaching up to wipe the flour off his face with a sigh. “You’re welcome.”

“Sorry, guess we're just bound to get dirty all the time” Your giggles broke free, your eyes sparkling with mischief.

Eddie rolled his eyes, but there was a tiny smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Don’t push it,” he replied, though his tone lacked the usual bite.               

“At least you look cute” Your hands brushed his cheek to remove some of the remaining flour from his face, even though only water would be able to remove the cloudy ingredient from your face. 

“I'm going to take a dip in the lake to clean up a bit before going in the shower, I don't want the flour to clog the drain, you coming?” Your boldness surprised you.

“uhh- ye- yes” You laughed under your breath at Eddie's flushed face before walking to the glass door leading to the wooden dock in the backyard of your house.

You reached the edge of the dock and kicked off your shoes. Eddie followed, his hands stuffed into his pockets but watching you intensely. But his gaze quickly left you when you started pulling away your dress leaving you in only your underwear.

“uhh,” Eddie scratched his head awkwardly, not sure where to look anymore.

“It's okay Eddie, you can look, it's just like a swimsuit” You brushed your hair over your shoulder and saw Eddie gulp. Once again a giggle escaped you but without further explanation, you jumped in the water. 

You emerged with a splash, your laughter bubbling up as you pushed your wet hair out of your face. you looked up at Eddie, who was still standing at the edge of the dock, staring down at you. 

“Come on, rockstar, that flour isn't gonna fly away!” you called back, your voice echoing across the lake. You floated on your back, arms outstretched.

For a moment, Eddie hesitated. But then, as he looked at you, carefree and glowing in the golden light, something in him shifted. Maybe it was the way you seemed to belong to this place or the way you had pulled him into your world without even trying. Or maybe it was just that he wanted to hold onto this feeling a little longer, to be a part of it.

With a resigned sigh, Eddie kicked off his shoes and pulled off his shirt, tossing it aside as well as his pants leaving him in only boxers. You watched, your heart skipping a beat as he moved closer to the edge. He paused for just a second, meeting your gaze.

Then, without another word, he jumped.

The water erupted around him as he plunged in, disappearing beneath the surface for a few seconds before he came back to the surface.

You swam closer, the distance between you closing. 

Eddie chuckled, his laughter rich and warm as he reached out to gently brush a strand of wet hair from your face. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

You grinned, your eyes locking onto his as she splashed him playfully. “You’re welcome,” you teased, before leaning in and pressing a quick, playful kiss to his cheek.

“y/n…” Eddie whispered, not even sure what he was going to say.

But before he could finish, you leaned in, your gaze dropping to his lips. For a split second, the world stood still. Then, in one fluid motion, you both closed the distance between you, his lips brushing softly against yours.

The kiss was gentle at first, tentative as if you were afraid he might pull away. But when Eddie responded, his lips moving against yours with equal softness, you deepened the kiss, and his hand came up to cup your cheek.

You felt a shiver run down your spine as your legs wrapped around his waist in the water, you melted into him, your arms wrapped around his neck for added support. The world around you seemed to disappear.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, your foreheads resting against each other as you tried to catch your breath. Eddie's heart was pounding so loudly he was sure you could hear it.

Eddie opened his eyes, his gaze locking onto yours. “I didn’t expect that,” he admitted, his voice low and rough.

you smiled, your fingers still tangled in his hair. “I’m glad I did it,” you whispered back, your heart swelling.

“Me too,” he said softly, pressing another light kiss to your forehead before pulling you further into his arms, holding you close.

“I think we should get out before we get all wrinkly” You laughed and he splashed more water onto your face before you started to swim away.

…

“Hey Julie, please tell the band I won't be back for a while…” He whispered into the phone as you slept beside him your hair all sprawled on the silk pillow where your head layed as he kissed you endlessly a couple of hours before.

“How long are you thinking?” she asked.

“Actually… I don't think I will come back at all”

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

BIG OL HECKIN EDIT:

I am a dum dum who forgot how to spell @sassenach-on-the-rocks amid my existential terror and dread of the deleted-draft incident mentioned below, and then did a Dum Dum no Double-Down by forgetting to update until now. This headcanon is their brainchild and they deserve all the credit for it.

You may now continue with your previously intended brainrot viewing.

I'm VERY INCREDIBLY MIFFED, MY GUYS.

I had this entire post finished and almost completely formatted and saved it as a draft to finish formatting it on my computer

And it DIDN'T SAVE. And I nearly SCREEEEEMED.

It was for an ask request and I also can't seem to tag the person that sent the ask.

I am A N G E R Y

But after several deep breaths and reminding myself that violence is not the answer, here we are.

At any rate. The ask request was for headcanons involving One Piece boyos taking reader to a Masquerade ball.

To the asker, should you still be around to see it, I really really loved this and thank you so, so much for it ❤️❤️ I really enjoyed finding masks to match their aesthetics.

Only deviation I made was Zoro; you meet him there rather than going with him. It just felt right that way for some reason.

And awaaaaaaaay we go~

The Masquerade

Sanji, Zoro, Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy x Reader

SFW Headcanons

This was really so fun and cute and I thank Asker so so much for this.

♫♬Little By Little — The Fratellis♬♫

You wear your mask, I'll wear mine, they don't come cheap but they fit just fine

You can be her and I can be him, and we can both sink while the rest all swim

Sanji

He heard about it when you made port, and there's no way he's not taking you.

He's been looking for an opportunity to take you on the perfect first date, and this is it.

Perfect opportunity for the two of you to get away from the crew for and have a little alone time.

A little dancing, a little wine, a little champagne—it's perfect.

Makes sure not to tell anyone else, if Luffy hears there's free food he'll insist on going and the whole thing will no doubt end in chaos.

He doesn't even tell you—all he tells you, after presenting you with a brand new dress and jewelry (which most likely cost him every last berry in his wallet), is that he would like to take you out for the evening.

And how could you turn him down?

"Come on, love. I promise it will be the best evening you've ever had."

The effort he's already put in, those puppy-dog eyes....

You spend the evening dancing, talking, enjoying the free food, every ounce of his attention on you the entire time as he ensures that you feel like a princess.

Making sure that everyone has their eyes on the pair of you on the dance floor, that they know you're there with him.

Somehow ending up chit-chatting with the catering staff toward the end of the night and being invited to their far less formal after-party.

Stumbling back to the Merry hours later together, half-drunk and giggling and positive that it's the best night you've ever had.

Zoro

"What the hell...?"

He got lost and wandered in.

No idea what's going on, why are all these people wearing masks and dancing?? What exactly is going on this is weird as—

Oh hey there's an open bar, cool.

You recognize him from his bounty poster fairly quickly. There are a lot of marines here, and he really isn’t causing any problems, but he's getting a lot of strange looks...so you decide to do the guy a favor and shove a mask in his hands.

He looks at you like you're speaking another language as you explain where he is and convince him to just put on the damned mask already.

"A ball? I thought this was some kind of weird cult or something."

You just stare at him in disbelief—he thought it was a cult and he's just standing around enjoying the free drinks. 

What.

You brush it off and tell him if he wants to fit in, then dancing is probably a good idea.

He's frowning at you again.

"Yeah, I don't really...do that."

You roll your eyes—there are still people eyeing him suspiciously, you have to do something, so when he finishes his next drink you just grab him by the wrist and drag him out to the dance floor.

Cue impromptu ballroom dancing lessons. He keeps stepping on your feet and mumbling apologies, but it's kind of cute how hard he's trying.

You really can't help but giggle at his explanation that he just got lost and wandered in here.

But you're glad he did—you doubt you would have had nearly as much fun otherwise.

Shanks

Heard about the whole shin-dig while in port.

"Hey that sounds like fun, we should crash it."

You try to be stern, but he pulls out the puppy dog eyes.

"Oh come on please?"

God dammit....

And maybe an hour later you're both making masks.

There's glitter and glue and feathers all over the captain's cabin and you're already dreading cleaning it up.

His has a giant gaudy pirate hat. Because of course it has a giant gaudy pirate hat. He's so proud of it, grinning like a little kid in an arts and crafts class when he holds it up to show you, that you can't even bring yourself to admonish him for it.

And of course the whole thing is invitation-only, and of course he manages to sweet-talk his way in anyway.

Just having such a good time, really doesn't care if anyone recognizes him.

Really doesn't care, just drinking and making small talk and joking with several lower-ranking Marines in attendance who are clearly very nervous.

Within an hour, while you're in the middle of dancing and deciding that maybe this wasn't *such* a bad idea, an announcement is made for everyone to leave immediately.

Judging by the sheer number of Marines outside there's no doubt as to why.

He just gives you a guilty grin before picking you up over his shoulder and bolting back to the ship.

Mihawk

Actually received an invitation, just rolled his eyes and tossed it in the trash.

You dig it out and pout about it until he rolls his eyes and gives in.

"Fine. No more than an hour."

At lease there will be free wine.

Unsurprisingly spends a great deal of time standing in a corner and sipping said wine while staring around haughtily at the other partygoers.

Would much rather be drinking wine back in his secluded castle and not having to deal with other humans.

Spends the vast majority of the evening standing in a corner and nursing a glass of wine while glaring around haughtily at the other guests, daring them to even think of attempting to make small-talk with him.

Doesn't move from his designated corner until he sees other guests daring to flirt with you, at which point he promptly saunters over to pull you to the dance floor and ensure everyone is well aware that you're there with him.

Lightens up a little after that (which may or may not have something to do with the several glasses of wine he's already consumed), but absolutely will not admit that it actually turned out to be a rather nice evening.

He will, however, hold this over your head and remind you that you owe him.

But you know the truth, considering he's a little more willing to attend such events with you after this.

Buggy

Oh what now? An excuse to be absolutely flamboyant and unhinged in public?

You're going. Period. There will no arguments.

He's already got a collection of masks and costumes anyway, this is going to be a blast.

You lose track of him shortly after you get there. You're pretty sure that the explosion that went off toward the back corner of the dance floor had something to do with him.

He finds you while you're sipping a glass of champagne in downright annoyance and proudly informs you that he's made bank going through pockets at the coat check while everyone was distracted by his little diversion.

"Ah, don't worry, babe, they won't notice. They're too busy schmoozing and kissing ass."

Standing around making small-talk with other guests in the most ridiculous put-on aristocratic accent he can possibly muster, introducing you variably as some foreign dignitary or princess from a far off land.

Literally can't take this idiot anywhere.

[swordy-da-goat]

(last ask for a while bc I feel like I'm nagging you sorryy)

I thought road wiz was like an scp, and now we have hazard monster.

Anyway I wonder how either of them would react to being treated like scps? Hazard would be a keter for sure.

Also if you made a road wiz plush I'd 100% buy it I love him sm

got carried away my bad

The Road Wiz

Item# : SCP-████

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Contained within a Standard Secure Humanoid Containment Cell in ██████, Sector-██ at Site-██. SCP-████ will often teleport out of their containment cell for an unprecedented amount of time before teleporting back. They are allowed to freely walk around the foundation as their skills and “magic” are very useful in securing anomalies, reducing injuries and casualties, and dealing with containment breaches.

Description: A humanoid entity (hard to distinguish if SCP-████ is a human or some other entity due to their hat and scarf obscuring facial view. Request to remove hat was met with opposition) wearing a hat resembling an orange traffic cone with one big and small white, reflective stripes, an orange safety vest with a long cloak attached from the backend, a yellow and black safety coverall, and long black leather and rubber gloves and boots.

SCP-████ is also in possession of a long black staff with a ring on the tip of unknown material. This staff is able to produced anomalous properties which can be better described as “magic.” Their “magic” seems to be a parody of signs, spells being correlated by the top of their staff in a hologram visual. One example being the staff projecting a deer sign when generating a glowing holographic version with mass of any of the Cervidae family.

Addendum 1: Discovery

SCP-████ was first captured near American state highway ██. The foundation was alerted when nearby police claimed that quote, “a portal just f█cking opened in the middle of the lobby where then a weirdly dressed guy wearing a cone on their head kicked a guy through saying to arrest him for drunk driving.” All personnel in the police station were given Class A amnestics. Foundation personnel were then deployed to the last place SCP-████ was spotted. Foundation were able to find SCP-████ feeding some stray dogs under American state highway ██. SCP-████ willingly agreed to come with the foundation for questioning.

Addendum 2: Interview

The following interview was conducted by Dr. Richards

Dr. Richards: Good afternoon SCP-████, I hope you’re feeling comfortable right now.

SCP-████: No, no, I’m fine thank you. Though I would prefer if you addressed me by “Road Wizard” or just “Wiz.” SCP-████ sounds a bit degrading.

Dr. Richards: …Noted. Anyways the foundation would like to ask you questions regarding your… job.

SCP-████: My job! Well you see Dr., as my name suggests, I am a wizard. My job is simply to keep everyone safe and responsible. The world is a very dangerous place, you SCP foundation folks would know that better than anyone about that fact!

Dr. Richards: You know of the SCP foundation?

SCP-████: Of course I do! Very big fan of your work! Trying to keep everyone safe from all these dangerous anomalies. Kudos to you guys, kudos!

Dr. Richards: Uh, thank you? Anyways, can you detail how you usually preform your job, or keep people “safe?”

SCP-████: Uh… I guess lecturing people on the rules and importance of road rules, filling up potholes, sticking reflective poles near edges, stuff like that. Pretty mundane huh?

Dr. Richards: What about your staff? What do you use that for?

SCP-████: Oh my staff! Well, I use it to channel my magic for the more dangerous part of my job. Magic can be real dandy in a rock slide.

Dr. Richards: I see.

Room is silent as Dr. Richard pauses to write notes.

Dr. Richards: *coughs* Um, SCP- sorry, Road Wizard. If you don’t mind me asking, I know you dub yourself as the “Road Wizard,” but is that the only safety concern you have? Or are there others like you that specialize in other hazards?

SCP-████: Funny you should ask that Dr., my real name’s actually the Safety Wizard. I just go with road because America has a crap ton of cars you know? And no, there's no one else like me so far that I know of.

Dr. Richards: So do you specialize in anything else then?

SCP-████: Sure I do! Let me just-

SCP-████ then manifests their staff from their hand which starts to emit a blue glow. A train sign then projects at the tip.

SCP-████’s outfit then suddenly shifts into a mock version of a steam engine engineer of their outfit, complete with a cap, denim overalls, vest-cloak and a yellow and black striped bandana.

SCP-████: Trains! Guess you could say I’ve become the “Rail Wizard!”

Silence.

SCP-████: Haha, sorry. There are other specialities too, but it’d probably take a while to show you all of them.

Dr. Richards: So are you able to switch forms like that?

SCP-████: That’s right miss! It’s very important to be dressed proper for any job!

SCP-████’s staff projects a car sign and outfit returns to previous description.

SCP-████: So any other questions for me Dr.? I’d love to stay and chat, but I need to be going soon.

Dr. Richards: SCP- I mean Road Wizard, you are aware that we can’t just let you go out.

SCP-████: I understand your concerns Dr., seeing what kind of place you guys run. But believe me, I’m not a dangerous guy! And it’s not like you folks can keep me in here anyways.

Dr. Richards: What do you mean by that?

SCP-████: Oh nothing. Anyways, it was nice chatting with you Dr. Richards, but I really must be on my way. See you later!

Dr. Richards: Hey, wait!

*SCP-████’s staff projects a Two Way Traffic sign and a glowing, yellow portal appeared to the right of SCP-████. SCP-████ then enters through the portal which disappears.

[END LOG]

——————————————————————————————————

The Hazard Monster

Item# : SCP-█████

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-█████ should be contained within a 5 m x 5 m x 5 m chamber of reinforced concrete. Door and windows should be tightly sealed to prevent SCP-█████ from escaping through any cracks.

Description: SCP-█████ is an amorphous, black blob which can change its mass, texture, shape, and composition through anomalous means. SCP-█████’s face appears to be an NFPA 704 Diamond symbol. Each section of diamond can open up to reveal a set of teeth or eyes (amount varies). SCP-█████ normally uses its anomalous abilities to inflict injuries on people. The relationship between SCP-████, or as they dubbed themself, the Road Wizard, is very negative.

Addendum 1: Discovery

Foundation was first alerted of SCP-█████ when reports of multiple incidents were reported by the people in the town of █████████. Residents were reported being injured by a black shapeshifting blob. Foundation, with the help of the Road Wizard, were able to track down SCP-██████ and capture it. All town residents were given Class A amnestics.

[strawberry-cowmilk]

voicemails

-> mc is back in the human world but didn't pick up the phone, so the brothers leave a voicemail

-> brothers x mc

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read also kind of trying out a new style hehe

content warnings: kind of angsty maybe, alcohol use, gambling mentions

-----

Lucifer

'good evening, mc. it is a fine evening here in the devildom, I hope it's the same case with you. I have just returned from a meeting with diavolo, we've had... quite the demonus. however I am by no means drunk. anyways I have actually been listening to the record you got for me, a thoughtful gift indeed. I just have a feeling that... it would sound lots better with you in the chair next to me. (he chuckles) well, there's no helping it. perhaps I have to bring you back to the devildom myself?'

'I was hoping to hear your voice, too bad you didn't pick up the phone. are you perhaps asleep, mc? in that case I shall leave you be. sleep well, mc.'

Mammon

'yo mc, why are you not picking up your phone? I just snuck away from home with mine to talk tp you, you know? ugh... that cocky lucifer and his stupid rules. like what do you mean we gotta take turns calling you? no way, I ain't waiting so long to talk to you! just cause he's the eldest he thinks he's all high and mighty!'

'okay anyways, on with the important stuff! so listen up I called because I scored HUGE at the casino today and you know how I won so much huh? I bet on your favorite number, y'know... cause I miss you and all... (he suddenly coughs) ah wait no what I just said ain't true! I bet on your favorite number cause... well... that was my battery percentage or something...'

'okay anyways mc, you better visit the devildom soon! bye bye! have a good day!'

Leviathan

'um hi what's up? how's the human world? did you get the games and anime I asked you to get yet? I totally can't wait to see what kind of stuff you got over there! oh and I can't wait to show you the newest releases here in the devildom! the latest season of 'I went to the fair a 6km distance from my house with my best friend and pet dog but the manager turned out to be my online gaming buddy' came last week and I binged it all!'

'um (pause) but look I kind of called to tell you... well... you gotta come here fast so we can share the stuff you know? ahh it's no good I can't say it! um well look, I miss you!' (he hangs up suddenly)

Satan

'hello mc, I see you're not picking up your phone. are you busy? listen to this voice message any time you'd like then. I hope the human world is treating you well, it's so different from the devildom after all. well at least you won't have to worry about anyone stealing your soul.'

'exam season at rad just ended, I'm satisfied with most of my scores. I am a little disappointed because of my spells and potions grade, a 83 isn't good enough to me. could it be I was distracted because I miss you? (he sighs) well, one more reason for you to hurry back here. everyone's been fighting over who gets to call you first and all that, it's pissing me off. but I get it, I love hearing your voice. well mc I guess this is it, goodbye for now.'

Asmodeus

'hi mc! finally it's my turn to talk to you, but what's up with not picking up hm? well as long as you promise to call me back later, I don't mind leaving a voicemail for you! did you do anything fun recently? I attended some parties but well, they were kind of boring. or was I just... not feeling it? whatever that doesn't matter, I just wanna see you again! how much longer are you going to stay in the human world? I miss you so so so much!'

'I hope you miss me too. do you miss me? when you call me back you have to answer that question, deal? and if yes you have to visit. there's so much I want to talk to you about, so much I wanna show you! like I made into a magazine, you just have to see it! call soon, okay? I love you.'

Beelzebub

hell's kitchen is having a sale. when you but a cheeseburger you get a second one free. of course I took advantage of the deal and got a lot of cheeseburgers. you should visit soon mc, I want to share my food with you. it tastes better like that.' (you can basically hear him smiling through the phone)

'anyways, everyone misses you. sometimes my brothers get really sad, it's kind of hard to watch sometimes. of course I really miss you too. I think about you every time before I fall asleep. it makes me have good dreams. also my team won another game last night, I wish you could have seen it. well, next time right? bye mc, I hope to talk to you soon.'

Belphegor

'hi mc. how are you doing? I hope you're good. listen I'm on the balcony right now and there's stars in the sky. ugh I hate to be that one cheesy guy in your average romance movie but... the stars look like you. I can see your face in them. nevermind just forget what I said that was really sappy.'

'anyways please call me back, I get that you're probably busy or napping right now but I want to hear your voice. I want to hear how you've been there in the human world, hopefully your weather is nice.'

'well I'm running out of stuff to say, bye mc. call me back.'

[julians-muscles-and-tits]

*NSFW RICKY AND JULIAN FIRST TIME TUMBLR ASK REQUEST FIC*

Julian sat on his couch thinking about the events that had happened the other day, how Ricky was wasted and they nearly kissed in the car. Julian kept thinking of how badly he wanted to kiss Ricky in that moment, how hard his cock had got just from feeling his warm breath on his face, his bright baby blues staring into his and when Ricky leant forward and his lips were pressed against Julian's neck his cock throbbed and his knees weakened but Ricky was seriously drunk and he didn't want to risk being seen.

Julian kept replaying that moment in his mind over and over and arousal sparked through him thinking about how cute and innocent Ricky was, slurring something about plutonium love. Julian undid his jeans snaked his hand into his boxers wrapping his fingers around his length and began to slowly toy with himself he closed his eyes thinking of Ricky and his disastrous dysfunctional ways, the way he could never pronounce or spell anything right, how he always seemed so wonderfully naive about what a pain in the arse he could be and somehow he was also funny in his blunt outbursts mostly it was his eyes, his tiny little smile, his cuddly chubby frame. Julian rubbed harder biting his bottom lip, his breathing steady his belt buckle singing with the metallic jangling-

“Julian?” He snapped open his eyes and his heart started beating fast when he saw Ricky was stood at his door. Julian sighed putting his cock away that had been edged and deprived of an orgasm pulled up his trousers and answered the door.

“What is it Rick?” He asked shortly. Ricky was stood there wearing his black and white Martin Luther King shirt, he smelt of weed and booze his eyes were droopy and drunk but he was nowhere near as hammered as he was the other day.

"Jules, Lucy's ignoring me again can I sleep on your couch man? There's fucking bugs and dogs barking and shit I just need one night away from that fucking car” Ricky begged sadly giving him puppy dog eyes.

“Fine just for tonight but that's it Rick I fucking mean it,” Julian said sternly and invited him in. “You want a drink?” Ricky slumped himself down on the greyish blue sofa and nodded as he felt tears surface and fall down his cheeks. Julian came over with a beer putting it on his glass coffee table as Ricky quietly sobbed.

“Julian..what's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone like me? My own fucking dad won't even let me stay at his place, Lucy doesn't want me, Lahey's always going on about what a loser I am-”

“Ricky I like you” Julian interrupted calmly as he placed a hand on his knee.

“You keep saying I'm stupid-”

“You're not stupid Ricky just the way you do things sometimes is stupid but that doesn't mean you're stupid you're a great guy and a good friend. I like you a lot and so does Bubbles” he said lovingly as he shuffled closer to him. Ricky looked over at him with red teary eyes feeling warmth rise up in his chest at his kind caring words.

In that moment he leaned in and kissed Julian, the first ever kiss it felt blissful the hairs on Julian's goatee delightfully tickling his lips and chin, he was expecting him to go shy like he did the other day in the car but he didn't. Julian put his hand on Ricky's face his black and gold onyx ring resting on his cheek and he opened his mouth exquisitely moving his tongue against Ricky's. Julian tasted of sugary sweet rum and coke and his cologne was pleasant, Ricky tasted of weed, cheap whisky and beer Julian could smell booze, and the faint hint of cooking spray and car exhaust fumes in his hair. They both indulged themselves in the moment savouring their kiss that had been a long time coming, well over 20 years. Ricky's hand ran down Julian's back he was so sturdy and slightly solid in build he expected Julian to tense up but he didn't he was completely relaxed and going with the flow. Ricky's lips departed from Julian's and they were both breathing heavily as they stared at each other completely love drunk.

“Julian…you have no idea how long I've wanted to fucking do that man” he said raspily.

“..me too Rick” Julian said slightly out of breath. They began removing their clothes until they were both naked and taking in the breath taking sight of their erect cocks. Julian wasn't as big as Ricky but he was thick Ricky's was enormous definitely longer than average. Julian was nervous he looked at his naked best friend and couldn't believe this was happening yet somehow it felt so right and like it was meant to be. Despite being hard Julian felt like he had stage fright and wasn't sure what to do he'd never been with a man before.

“I'm-I'm not sure-”

“It's OK Jules let me handle it,” Ricky said sweetly and kissed him again getting another sublime taste of the rum and coke. “You just relax OK? I need you to bend over the couch” Julian got up and bent over on the couch his arse sticking up in the air. Ricky stood behind him and could see he was tremoring he was so nervous the tips of Ricky's fingers brushed down his back and he tensed slightly as he stroked him sweetly Ricky appreciated what a beautiful arse Julian had noticing the faint tan line above his arse crack, he definitely took care of his body his butt was so firm Ricky was almost jealous, he felt him slightly shiver under him, Julian who was usually so confident and sure of any situation, this was the guy who after all told that dick Cyrus to get out of the park and put his gun to his head like he wasn't even bothered but with this he was a shy flustered mess it was so cute and heartwarming. Ricky stuck two fingers in his mouth coating them in spit and began to circle around until he found Julian's entrance then gently eased a finger in. His body seized up and his eyes went wide in surprise, then Ricky slipped the second sopping wet finger in and slowly moved them inside it somewhat stang and felt strange. He heard a strained “mm” leave Julian's throat, slowly he relaxed his body more to Ricky's digits and he began to stretch his fingers to open him up more, he could see he was beginning to sweat and when he could feel that he wasn't as tight around his fingers as he was a few minutes ago he slowly pulled them out of him. Ricky spat on his hand and made his cock slick with it, tugging at the skin so he stayed hard.

“You ready Jules?” He asked warmly.

“Yeah” Julian replied timidly. Ricky placed both hands delicately on the soft toned cheeks to part them and began to slowly enter Julian. Julian hissed through his teeth and let out a low groan in his throat as his eyes scrunched up, his dick was so big and it was opening him up and stretching him out in such a weird pleasurable way. Ricky's eyes fluttered and he moaned out in ecstasy at how delicious and tight Julian's arse was around his cock, fuck it felt like a snug heaven already and he hadn't even started moving yet, he pushed himself in all the way to the hilt and Julian let out a slight cry at how deep inside him Ricky was and how full he felt.

“You ok Jules?” Ricky asked reassuringly.

“Mm hmm, yep I'm good Rick” he said through gritted teeth as he felt him nudging up against something inside him that felt like a sensitive spot.

“OK great just relax bud you're doing great” Ricky said sweetly and he lazily pulled himself out of Julian's arse until he was almost completely out and he stared down with his cheeks spread apart staring at the ring of muscles and could see the pink flesh line of his perineum and his testicles underneath. What a stunning view.

He sunk himself back in and Julian let out a shivery moan then he began to slowly rock back and forth as Julian grabbed at the cushions his face pained in pure delight his mouth was agape, each time Ricky forced himself in he could feel him poking and stimulating his prostate in the most heavenly way imaginable.

“Oh my god, yeah right there Rick” Julian begged barely able to get the words out in a strained voice as he pierced him even harder and faster the divine tightness making his own orgasm churn in the pit of his groin. It felt so good Julian didn't want it to end it was nearly moving him to tears, his erect cock rubbing up against the arm of the couch, small trickles of sweat poured down Julian's pretty face his goatee soaked in sweat his neat black curls a moist mess. He couldn't hold on anymore as he felt his body dissolve into pleasure and felt his groin muscles tensing his cock throbbing with the desperate need of release he panted against a pillow his eyes screwed up tight gripping the pillow so hard it was a miracle he didn't rip it.

“Rickyyyy, Rick I'm gonna come, gonna fucking come I'm gonna.. hah ah ooooohhhhhhhh ohhh” he grunted deeply into the fabric, his squashed cock spurted white warm come all over the arm of his sofa completely plastering it, he let out a muffled sob into the pillow and his body spasmed and shook as a red faced groaning Ricky wasn't far behind his movements slowed down gradually and he could feel that warmth pooling in his belly and groin feel it send shock waves through him and with one more thrust into the warm orgasmic flesh his dick flooded an obscene amount of come inside Julian's hole filling him up completely and he let out a loud “ohhhh” and a carnal groan. They were both breathing erratically as Ricky stood over Julian still inside him and painstakingly pulled himself out Julian whined at the loss of contact but Ricky was completely done in and needed to rest as his body was wrecked, he slumped down on the sofa trying to catch his breath, Julian got up feeling dizzy his arse sopping wet as he felt Ricky's come dribbling out of him and collapsed next to him. The both of them sat there heads tilted back on the sofa exhausted and slowly coming back down to earth from the heady rush of their explosive orgasms. Ricky rubbed Julian's thigh softly. Julian felt tears form in his eyes, the whole thing was something so new, bold but so incredible that he felt himself overwhelmed with emotions he simply couldn't help but cry. Ricky looked over concerned.

“Julian? Are you OK?” Ricky asked caringly.

“Yeah it's just, fuck this is so embarrassing,” Julian sniffed as he wiped the tears away. “..nobody's ever taken me the way you did Rick” he said those words so quiet they were a whisper Ricky could just about hear. Ricky put his arm around him and pulled him close to his chest running his fingers through his sweaty black curls and Julian laid there with one arm wrapped around Ricky's soft plump stomach. They enjoyed the warmth of their embrace and sat there hugging each other for the rest of the night not saying much but trying to process what had just happened how they'd gone from friends to lovers and how it had made them both feel, how their bodies reacted to it, how it made their emotions heightened and felt like it was perfect on every level. Ricky and Julian not just as friends but lovers too.

#NSFW #ricky/jules #Rickian #Ricky x Julian #trailer park boys #tumblr ask box fic #fan fic #smut #kissing #sex #season 1 #their first time #Ricky la fleur #Julian #romance #tpb #masturbation

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

The Way I Am

Pairing: Geralt x Jaskier Warning(s): virgin!geralt, loss of virginity, erectile dysfunction Rating: explicit

Summary: Geralt doesn't think anyone could ever want him because he can't perform sexually, Jaskier makes a point of proving him wrong.

Geralt has never been wholly comfortable with his body. It was essentially created to kill monsters and survive and for no other purpose and it does its job, but Geralt doesn't like it. And not only because now that he's older it's covered in scars and his left knee has never been the same since the injury, but his body doesn't function normally. He's not supposed to be human, not any longer, but he hates that his heartbeat is so slow, hates that he can't turn off the hypersensitivity when he's in a crowd. 

But the second round of trials brought with them an additional problem that he doesn't share with the others. When he was younger, it was his hair that bothered him the most, that set him apart even from the other Witchers who shared the rest of his maladies, but as he grew his hair became the least of his problems.

Geralt was fourteen when he realized his cock didn't work the same as everyone else's. Which is to say, it didn't work at all.

It wasn't unusual for the boys to mess around with one another; they were all learning and developing and with the heightened senses it could be a lot. But Geralt never had before and the very first time it went… badly. The other boy had been confused as to why he couldn't get hard and when Geralt had continued to struggle, the other boy eventually tired of waiting and went off to find someone else.

It hadn't meant much at the time, but Geralt had continued to dwell on it, thinking about the look on the other boy's face, how wrong it had made him feel. He hadn't tried again after that, afraid to face the same confusion and rejection a second time, afraid to even share his secret with those closest to him. Eskel, he's sure, wouldn't care that he was broken, but Geralt wasn't willing to take that chance.

So when they set out on the Path, Geralt makes a point to avoid sex in any context, bottling up the need when it arises and focusing on his job above anything else. He knows no one will want him because he has nothing to offer them in bed and that's just something he has to live with. But he still feels the need, still desires a soft touch, but even that seems beyond his reach because he's a Witcher and people have little love for Witchers.

Then, he meets Jaskier who is both a blessing and a curse. Because Jaskier is soft and sweet and beautiful and treats Geralt like he's no different than anyone else, but Jaskier is also stunningly beautiful and Geralt longs to get his hands on him. But he knows how that would end, so he keeps him at arm's length, and still, Jaskier just continues traipsing around after him. He takes his leave on occasion, but never longer than a few weeks at a time before he's bounding back into Geralt's life with some new wonderful thing to tell him about.

And Geralt, regrettably, falls hard.

He can't tell Jaskier how he feels because he knows the second they fell into bed together, the whole thing would fall apart. Because no one wants someone who can't perform and at this point, Geralt is so inexperienced, he'd be embarrassed to even consider sleeping with someone, even someone as caring as Jaskier.

So he keeps his feelings to himself for years, suffering through Jaskier's failed relationships and many more dalliances in between. And he tells himself he's okay with it because he could never be what Jaskier wants anyway. Then one night, they're in the city for a festival. Jaskier is performing and between sets he's ducking back to their table, chatting away happily with Geralt and sharing drinks with him. And by the end of the night, they're both a little drunk.

So when Jaskier saunters up and climbs into his lap, Geralt doesn't stop him. Because Jaskier's hands feel good on him and he so rarely gets to indulge in even the faintest of touches. Jaskier's sitting back, smiling at him as he twists his fingers through Geralt's hair and then he gently tips forward, pressing their foreheads together.

"Geralt?" he breathes, "Can I kiss you?"

Everything in him screams no because he can't let himself have this little bit of Jaskier and then never again, but he's already come this far. So he nods, slips a hand up around the back of Jaskier's neck and pulls him close.

And Jaskier's mouth slides against his own like it was meant for it, soft and needy and he doesn't seem to care that Geralt is a little out of his depth. He guides him, showing him how to move and Geralt copies Jaskier's motions as well as he can, licking lightly into his mouth and nibbling on his lip.

Jaskier moans against him, sliding forward so their bodies are pressed together, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging and oh he likes that. But then Jaskier pushes further, sliding a hand down Geralt's chest and pressing against his crotch, and Geralt panics.

He shoves him away without thinking, sitting back in his seat, and when he looks up Jaskier looks hurt and confused. And Geralt knows he can't tell but he doesn't know what to say to him, so he pushes himself up and hurries away, making for their room.

He shuts the door and locks it behind him, stripping out of his outer layers and curling up in the bed. He knows Jaskier will be back before too long or if Geralt's lucky, he'll find someone else's bed to sleep in tonight and Geralt won't have to worry about him until the morning.

But it isn't long before Geralt hears the clink of a key in the hole and the door pushing open into the room. He doesn't look up and he doesn't move from his spot on the bed, but he listens to Jaskier. The door shuts and Jaskier crosses to the other side of the room, carefully undressing, but what Geralt isn't expecting is to hear the sound of his footsteps coming back toward him. Then the blankets are pulled back and a gust of cold air hits his back before Jaskier climbs up into bed with him.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, reaching out and tentatively brushing his fingers along Geralt's back. "I didn't mean to push, I thought it would be okay."

"It's fine," Geralt whispers.

"Obviously not, darling or you wouldn't have pulled away like that. I don't mind."

"It is," Geralt insists, "I… like when you touch me."

"Okay. What was bad about tonight, then?" Geralt just groans into his pillow, pulling it up around his face. One of Jaskier's hands comes up to settle on his arm and he leans up over him. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But you can, Geralt. You can talk to me about anything."

"It's just," he pauses, curling his fingers around the edge of the pillow in frustration. "I'm… broken." Immediately, he can feel Jaskier's despair and he doesn't know what else to say, he doesn't want to make it worse.

"You're not, love."

"I am," he snaps, frustrated by Jaskier's continued gentleness. "My fucking prick doesn't work, Jaskier."

"Oh," Jaskier says quietly and Geralt wants to scream, to throw something, but Jaskier just wraps his arms around him and holds him closer. "They have medications for that, enchantments."

"They don't work. I got desperate once and tried, even Yen- It was the trials, Jaskier, it's irreversible."

"The others-" he starts but Geralt cuts him off.

"Just me."

Jaskier nuzzles against his back and squeezes more firmly around him. There's silence for a long time, just the sound of Jaskier's breath, and Geralt focuses on the steady rise and fall, letting it soothe him.

"You know," Jaskier whispers at length, "none of that matters to me. I'm so sorry you were made to feel like you were somehow broken, Geralt, but it doesn't matter to me. I- I love you. For who you are, not for your cock, and I don't want you to think something's wrong with you because of it. You're too important to me." Geralt scoffs and Jaskier flattens his palm against his chest, sliding up over his heart.

"Don't argue with me, Witcher. "My love is mine to give."

"But I'm-"

Jaskier sighs softly, brushing his fingers against Geralt's skin. "Beautiful," he whispers, "kind, soft, loving. You're a wonderful man, Geralt, and there are already so many who refuse to see that. Don't be one of them. I'm not going to stop loving you, so you might as well accept it."

He presses his forehead against Geralt's back, kissing up his spine and Geralt shudders under the touch, biting back the insistence that he's not enough, that Jaskier will tire of him because he can't fuck him. Eventually, the soft brush of Jaskier's fingers and his lips calms him and Geralt drifts off, still wrapped up in his arms.

In the morning, he wakes to Jaskier's breath against the back of his neck. They've shifted during the night, so Jaskier is curved right around him, fitted against his body like he belongs there, and as soon as he realizes Geralt's awake, Jaskier kisses the side of his neck and slides an arm up his chest.

"Good morning," he hums.

"Mm, morning."

"How did you sleep, love?" Geralt hums but doesn't answer. He slept better than he has in a long time, but he doesn't know how to say that to Jaskier. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mm?"

"Does it still feel good when someone touches you?"

"I… don't know."

"Can I?"

"You don't have to," Geralt breathes, "I know it's not worth it for you-"

"Geralt," Jaskier interrupts gently, "I thought we went over this. I am in love with you and it's going to take a lot more than a soft prick to keep me away so unless you tell me not to, I will do everything I can to make you feel good."

Jaskier shifts behind him, and the arm wrapped around him slips lower, fingertips slipping through the patch of hair right above his waistband.

"Can I?" Jaskier asks again and Geralt can't bring himself to speak, too afraid to break whatever spell or dream he's trapped in. He nods against the pillow and Jaskier leans up, kissing his shoulder. "Tell me if it's too much, love."

Jaskier fumbles a little with the buttons on his trousers, getting them undone with one hand before slipping inside and wrapping around his cock. He squeezes a little at first, then moves on to stroking him slowly, letting Geralt feel him as he moves down the length of him. Sparks shoot up his spine and Geralt squirms, pushing into the touch and groaning softly because no one has ever touched him like this and it's overwhelming.

"I can't," he whispers and Jaskier immediately lets him go, but Geralt can feel Jaskier's cock swelling against his lower back and it only makes him feel guilty. "No one's ever touched me like that."

"Darling, I'm so sorry. Did it feel good?"

"Yeah."

"Good," Jaskier hums, "that's all I want." Jaskier smoothes his hand up Geralt's side, kissing his shoulders and humming against him. "Do you want to try again? It can be a little overwhelming, but I promise you it'll feel good."

Jaskier gets his hand around him again and Geralt groans as he strokes him, fingers slipping up around the head of his cock pulling back at the foreskin so he can touch him properly. Pressure builds as Jaskier touches him, squeezing around the base then pulling up the length of him again. And Geralt can barely breathe, he’s engulfed with pleasure as Jaskier kisses his neck and his shoulders and presses up against him.

And Jaskier is hard, digging into the small of his back and Geralt wants so badly to turn around and touch him, but he can hardly think through the fog of pleasure. His hips twitch forward, pressing himself into Jaskier's hand and Jaskier loosens his grip a little, letting Geralt fuck between his fingers.

"You're beautiful like this," Jaskier whispers, "Geralt you have no idea how lovely you are." He hums against him, pressing his nose into Geralt's hair. "Are you gonna come for me?"

"It feels-" Geralt gasps, but then Jaskier's hand is around him again, slipping to the base to stroke him quickly.

"Good?" Jaskier asks.

"Like I'm gonna split apart."

"Yeah, it will. You're so close, love, so close."

Geralt jerks in his grasp as the pleasure peaks and he's not certain how he can contain this feeling but then he's coming, spilling over Jaskier's hand and onto the sheets. And he's never felt anything like it before but it's incredible. Blood rushes in his ears and he's only barely aware of Jaskier talking to him as he whines and squirms against him.

Then it's over and he's left panting and hot, sweat gathering at the hollow of his neck and Jaskier's hand slips up his chest soothingly.

"How was that?" he breathes, pressing his lips to Geralt's shoulder.

"Felt good," Geralt mumbles, "really good."

"Yeah," Jaskier agrees, "it feels incredible. And just think of all the different ways I can make you come." His hips jerk, pressing into Geralt's back and he mutters a faint apology against his skin.

"What about you?" Geralt asks, turning in Jaskier's arms to face him. Jaskier tips forward, catching his lips in a brief kiss.

"This is for you, my darling, we can worry about me another time."

"I've never," Geralt starts but he feels awkward talking about it and ducks his head, staring instead at where Jaskier's hand reaches out to twine his fingers with his own. "I've never been with anyone and I know I can't, but…" he trails off and Jaskier presses in again, kissing his lips before tipping his head up.

"Geralt if you want me to fuck you all you have to do is ask."

"I didn't think anyone would want to."

"I do. Fuck, Geralt, the number of times I've thought about it… I've always wanted you ever since the first day. I don't care how your body reacts as long as you're enjoying yourself. So yes, Geralt, if you want me to fuck you I'd be more than happy to."

"Please?" Geralt breathes and Jaskier gets both arms around him, hauling him up against him and rolling onto his back.

Geralt settles quickly as Jaskier's hands slide down his back and over his ass, catching on the waistband of his trousers. When he tips his head up, Jaskier is looking back at him, his eyes dark with lust but somehow still soft and Geralt can't help but dip down, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. And Jaskier hums against him, sliding one hand back up to the back of his head and deepening the kiss.

He presses one thigh between Geralt's legs drawing him in and Geralt lets out a shuddering breath as his cock grinds up against Jaskier's leg.

"That's it," Jaskier hums, "I'm here for you, too, darling just wanna make you feel good." He pushes his trousers down, encouraging the roll of Geralt's hips as he gets them off of him and then, as he brings his hands back up, Geralt's attention is diverted.

His cock feels incredible where he presses it into Jaskier's thigh, but practiced fingers slip up over his ass, spreading his cheeks and dipping between and Geralt holds his breath. Realistically, he knows how men have sex, has seen his brothers do it and has come across it more than once in his travels, but he never expected it to happen to him and he can barely think.

Jaskier reaches for something on the floor, fumbling with it, and the next time he touches him, his fingers are cool and slick. He drags them across Geralt's hole and Geralt whines at the sensation that flickers through him. He drops to his elbows, burying his face in Jaskier's neck.

"Feel good?"

"Mmhm."

"Good. Want more?"

"Please."

"Mm," Jaskier hums, "how could I refuse when you ask so nicely?"

He brushes his fingers over him again, letting them catch on his rim and pressing a little firmer when they do. He circles his hole, pressing against it consistently and then pushes the tip of one finger into him and Geralt nearly cries out. Jaskier's free hand comes up to the back of his neck, stroking slowly.

"Still good?" he asks and when Geralt nods he hums pleasantly. "Good. It's gonna stretch a little, especially when I get my cock in you, but just tell me if it's too much, okay?"

Jaskier presses in a little further and Geralt inhales sharply. He remembers all the calming techniques he was taught as a child and shuts his eyes, breathing slowly. It feels good, having Jaskier's finger inside him and he likes the stretch of it, but he's already creeping close to the edge again, the pressure within him building and he doesn't want it to be over yet, he wants Jaskier to fuck him.

And it feels incredible when Jaskier adds a second finger, when he presses all the way in and rubs into him. He finds a spot deep within him that has Geralt moaning wantonly and grinding hard against Jaskier's cock. And Jaskier groans under him, not faltering as he continues thrusting into him, sending sparks of pleasure up Geralt's spine.

"Fuck," Jaskier groans, "Geralt you're so fucking sexy and you know I'd be happy to make you come on my fingers ten times over, but I'm not gonna last with you grinding against me like that. Think you're ready for my cock?"

"Yes," Geralt rasps and Jaskier is quick to pull out of him, but Geralt doesn't have the chance to miss the fullness before he's being shifted and the head of Jaskier's cock is pressing against him, pushing in.

It's much bigger than his fingers, but Geralt just keeps himself steady, face pressed into Jaskier's shoulder as he takes all of him. And once Jaskier is settled, he shifts his hips slowly, allowing Geralt to adjust to the intrusion.

And it feels amazing, the absolute fullness and the pressure against his cock as Jaskier's thrusts rock him and the fact that it's Jaskier, that he wants him despite everything. Geralt can't cope and he shuts his eyes, burying his face in Jaskier's neck and kissing him softly, frantically.

Jaskier keeps up the pace, finding an angle that hits that spot and sticking with it until Geralt can only whimper and moan with every thrust. It's all so much and before long, he's moving with him, unable to keep still any longer. He pushes back onto Jaskier's cock and ruts against his stomach, whining at the sensitivity of his cock and then without warning, he's coming.

He spills over Jaskier's stomach, dropping against him as waves of pleasure crash over him and he's barely aware of Jaskier coming too until he's pulling his head up and kissing him hard.

They rock through it together and Jaskier doesn't let him go for a second, running his hands over him and kissing him eagerly. It takes longer this time before Geralt finds his breath again, and when he does, Jaskier is right there with him, cheeks flushed and bright, and he can't help but lean in to kiss him again.

He doesn't know how long it is that they lay there, wrapped up in each other just kissing and touching, but eventually, it's Jaskier who pulls away.

"As much as I'd love to stay here for the rest of the day," he hums, lips still barely an inch from Geralt's, "I think we should have a bath and get some lunch."

Geralt would also like to stay in bed for the rest of the day, but his stomach grumbles at him and he finds himself agreeing. Jaskier runs a hand down his chest, wrapping loosely around his cock and brushing his fingers along it. Geralt's eyes flutter shut and Jaskier hums softly.

"If you're amenable," he breathes, "I'd like to rent a room at the kingfisher, one of the nice ones, and stay for a while." He slips his hand back up Geralt's chest and around the side of his neck. "I think we both deserve a break and I'd like some time to… get to know you better." His lips curl up in a cheeky smile and Geralt scoffs at him but doesn't resist when Jaskier draws him back in for a gentle kiss.

A shiver runs up his spine and Geralt thinks, maybe, that despite its flaws, his body isn't so bad after all.

[ohfiendangelical]

Dear Zero, You're very sweet to dedicate so much of your time to my comfort, when I first petitioned you to write me letters I didn't expect such tentative, thoughtful correspondence and am very, very, very pleasantly surprised. It warms my heart, and really does provide a comfort I haven't experienced in a long time. Phones have their place in society but I do lament the loss of such an art as this, I'm glad to have found a worthy partner to continue it's practice, I'm glad that it's you. I'm thankful.

I'm sure I will talk to you more and more about this loneliness, this otherness, because I have had plenty of time to ruminate in my own thoughts on the matter this week, as have you, I assume, in your lifetime, from Catholic schoolboy to demon. I very much appreciate your offer of a first class ticket, but I've never flown above business class before. I'm not sure I would pass off the illusion that I belong there...

Looking forward to seeing you soon, I miss our nights together and I miss your hospitality. I had a vivid dream of being held last night, in your strong arms. I must say, your previous letters about that stormy night has stuck in my mind much more than I can admit without blushing. As I write this now, I feel my cheeks turning pink!

You wont be lonely for much longer I promise you that, and as for casting spells, it feels far more likely that it's you that has entranced me! What maiden waits with anticipation to run straight back into the jaws of her beast?

With love, again,

Willow x

Willow — !

I’m afraid it’s too late, I’ve gotten the idea in my head and now it must happen. You will ‘belong’ in first class just fine, purely because I put you there. Now, normally, I would simply wire you the finances and let you choose a flight on your own, but I simply don’t trust you to make the right decision in the matter of luxury, so I have attached your itinerary to this letter. If it doesn’t meet the needs of your schedule, contact me and I will adjust as needed. I’m very good at handling the ins and outs of flights. Press tours require me to be good at a great deal of things I otherwise would never have bothered to learn. 

Anyway, enough business — back to pleasure! 

I’m drunk as I write you now, perhaps with the aid of some other mind-altering substances, and I keep glancing back at your latest letter to reread it, my mind a euphoric blur, wishing so much that I could hear your voice again. I should like very much to hear you call me “sweet” in person — and, oh! So many compliments, so many, just in one paragraph; you know well the way to my heart with all this flattery. Tentative! Thoughtful! Worthy! What special praise. When, I wonder, was the last time anyone called me — me! — tentative or thoughtful? Let alone worthy. I don’t know if anyone has ever Is it ridiculous for me to be so touched? Most compliments are, for obvious reasons, restricted to my appearance. 

I hope I ease that lonely feeling. I do wish you were here now. I wish I could be holding you in my arms, kissing your mouth, biting your neck. I wish I could taste how you feel so that I may feel it too, alive inside of me. I wish it were raining. I wish, I wish, I wish. 

Soon. I tell myself over and over, Soon. This is a practice in patience, a virtue I lack — look at you, making a better man out of me! I’ll be accepted back into the Kingdom of Heaven yet. Willow, my dark guardian angel, with the cobwebs in her eyes and shadows in her hair… 

Still, by the time you come back I worry I’ll have gone insane with unengaged desire. I need you. My body aches and the girls I bring to bed — girls who look like you, they have to look like you — don’t do to me what you do. Their bodies are like mannequins beneath my hands. It isn’t their fault that they lack your spark; they are beautiful and sweet and give themselves freely, so I don’t want to speak too ill of them. But they aren’t you. 

You’re haunting me. 

Your beast, 

Z 

PS. I love it when you call me a beast.

[owlheartt]

DnD bestie!

"I don't make this shit- no wait I do"

"And the necromancer is still casting spells, still doing evil shit, y'know how it is"

"I'm Eli" "No you're not" "Ok"

"Why is this group so into gas lighting?"

"So Phinieas is a minotaur now, right? And so he has horns? Can I climb onto his head, grab him by his horns, and stab him in the eye?"

"That's fair I would do that if I was stabbed in the eye"

"Who the hell eats peanut brittle?!"

"Can I attack the walls? Is that a rational thing to do?" "Yea, sure"

"You've been losing a lot of axes throughout the game" "...it's fine..."

"And you can kind of hear like this opera or something going on in the background like OOOOOO" "Who's singing?! Where is this coming from?"

"Can I roll to puke?"

"Can I yell into the pit of hell for them to be quiet because we're trying to sleep up here?"

"Can I flirt with the walls?"

"It means you've got a job!" "How much does it pay"

"Basically what's happened so far is a DnD game inside of a DnD game"

"So 90% of the time my character is intoxicated, I feel like this is important information"

"You have weapons for hands so it's worth it"

"And, quiet literally, a long sword." "How long are we talking?"

"I'm a bird! I don't know the metric system!"

"What do you mean president? I come from a monarchy!"

"Roll a history check"

"It's 1-2 pm" "Ok, I tell him it's 5 am and about 50 years since he fell asleep"

"What is everyone else doing?" "I want to watch"

"Why are you harassing an old man?" "Because I'm drunk and I think it's funny"

"What world are we living in?" "...Mine"

"I'm not judging or anything" "I am" "w-why? It's your world"

"Can I adopt the walrus?" "Wh- it's the train driver!" "I'll adopt it after we get where we're going then"

"13!" "Ok, Wally the Walrus is now your friend" "YES"

"I want Wally to join the party!" "Roll persuasion" "20!!!!!"

"I ain't being in a party with no stupid birds!" "LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE"

"I GOT A ZERO" "How'd you get a zero???" "I ROLLED A NAT 1 AND HAVE A BONUS OF -1"

"It's kind of like a Playboy book but for birds"

"I want to look out the window and think about the choices I've made that have led up to this"

"That's interesting... especially considering that I don't have ears"

"Haven't I been looking out the window?!" "Not for hours!" "Yes I would!"

"I go to the nearest person and ask them for money" "goSH DANGITY DARNED IT"

"Why would you skip someone in purple?" "Because it's an old lady and old ladies don't deserve to be panhandled."

"I may be drunk but I still have morals" "MORALS?"

"I don't trust the conductor" "You mean WALLY my BEST FRIEND???" "he's RACIST"

"Yea, I just feel a slight sense of guilt when I say bitch" "that word specifically?" "Yea"

"One person is drunk, still."

"I go up to them and say 'Hey, you're good people, right? Give me money'" "WOW"

"Iwannalickthecounter" "What was that" "I want to lick. The counter"

"Why did I have to roll a perception check to see if things are on fire?"

"Can I take the rope?" "...Yes, you can take the rope off the dead bodies."

"Does anyone have long range attacks?" "I have my fist" "That's not a long range weapon, bestie"

"Ok I try to drag the bodies out of the train car" "Why do we care"

"Can I yell at him that he's a loser?"

"I want to spike the tea"

"I walk up instead of the bar tender"

"Oh so NOW you care?" "I- I was busy" "Flirting with the bar tender?"

"If I may be blunt, what the fuck is going on?"

"We are followers of the worm" "The what"

"I'm not stealing, I'm searching their bodies for important items!" "Yea, so, stealing."

[liron-ao3]

It's not that Dean doesn't like Castiel. It is more of an I-swear-on-my-mother's-grave-I'll-kill-him kinda relationship. Because the thing is, Castiel set up Dean's little brother Sam and his stepsister Rowena and it isn't that Dean could say it out loud, but he is worried. To say the least.

Rowena has a power over Sam that makes Dean's stomach flip. She conjures sappy smiles on Sam's face and makes him follow her like a love-drunk puppy. She's a witch, Dean is convinced, but he tries hard not to mention that in Sammy's orbit. He heard the whole that's-a-misogynistic-term speech when Sam was dating that Ruby chick and Dean knows that his brother would only cling closer to the Scot if he knew that Dean thinks that his fiancée is straight from hell.

So Dean grits his teeth, swallows his tongue, and plays nice around her, even going as far as agreeing to be his brother's best man. He will still be there when Sam comes running with his heart broken and with his tail between his legs.

Castiel, on the other hand? That man he can hate in abundance. Not that he has ever met him, but honestly, he has to be Lucifer himself if he thinks their siblings to be a good match.

Dean can picture him vividly—a leer on his face, sweet-talking people into feeling safe and then smiting them with the snap of his fingers. That man has to be evil incarnate and Dean won't pussyfoot around him. No way!

***

"Play nice," Bobby grumbles when they enter the venue for the rehearsal dinner.

"I am nice," Dean hisses back.

"Sure you are," his surrogate father says and makes a beeline for Ellen and Jo on the other side of the room.

Dean shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and scans the room for the man he is sure he will recognise immediately. But no one really sticks out from the crowd that is well-dressed and mostly speaking in different kinds of British accents. Family of the bride, obviously.

Dean feels a little underdressed until he spots a man in an ill-fitting suit, draped into a trenchcoat. He is standing next to a redheaded, slim woman, who Dean would probably try to get on the backseat of his Impala if he wasn't set on finding that Castiel guy, sweet talk him today and wreck him tomorrow. Unless Sam does the wise thing and cancels the wedding, which seems less and less likely by the minute. Rowena's spell seems to become stronger day by day. Dean hardly recognises his ever-worrying, self-loathing brother anymore, with all the grinning that goes on on his face.

Maybe Dean is an asshole, but he has pulled Sam from the edge too many times to count. This is too good to be true. Happiness doesn't find a Winchester. Not in his experience.

Dean walks to the other side from where the redhead smiled over to him. Maybe she can point him to the object of his hate. She tilts her head to the side when he comes closer.

"You must be Dean," she says, stretching out her hand. Dean is taken aback by her knowledge.

"How did you…?"

She shrugs. "I know nearly everyone in this room. And the only two men Sam ever mentioned were his brother and Bobby who I assume is the fella over there."

Dean looks in the direction she is nodding to. "Yeah. Sam always had more female friends."

"I think that's what Rowena likes about him. He's sensible."

Dean huffs. "Yeah, I bet she likes that he's soft for her."

"He makes her very happy," the man says and his voice does things to Dean's insides he doesn't want to nurse right now. He needs to focus on his anger. Arousal isn't helpful.

"If you say so," Dean grunts.

Anna furrows her brow. "Are you okay, Dean?" she asks concerned.

"Yeah, just not really convinced about this whole wedding business. Don't you think it's too fast?"

The man tilts his head to the side and Dean starts seeing the family resemblance. "I think that they complement each other very well. I would have expected Sam's best man to see that, too."

Dean can't really argue with that. "I don't know her well enough to judge. I just know that my brother is a different person now."

"And you don't like that?" the woman asks. Hell, Dean doesn't even know their names and spills all the beans, probably making an ass of himself.

"He's my brother. I know him better than anyone and this—" He gestures in the engaged couple's direction. "This isn't the man I raised."

Two pairs of eyes move to the tall men and back to Dean.

"You mean a happy man?" the woman asks.

"No. I mean…" Dean should have kept his mouth shut. They don't know Sam, his dark thoughts, the forced smiles, the brave face. Dean knows it all or at least well enough to know that the chuckling man on the other side of the room is a stranger to him. Okay, maybe Dean is a bit overdramatic. He knows Sam laughing, pulling pranks. But life had been shitty to both of them and the only people they could always rely on were the two of them.

Yes, their circles have widened over time, with Jody and the girls, Charlie and Dorothy. Still, happiness isn't really part of their lives. They might get glimpses of it, but…

"You mean what? That our sister isn't good enough for your big shot lawyer brother?" the man asks.

Dean freezes. He sometimes forgets that Sam isn't little Sammy anymore. That he's one step away from leaving his old life behind, and with it his big brother, probably.

Dean scans the people in the room, mainly the bride's family and he swallows hard. Yes, he's the odd one out. He only owns a single suit, so he couldn't wear it tonight. Is it that? Is he jealous? Or anxious to lose Sam?

He looks back at the bride and groom. Sam presses a kiss into Rowena's hair. From afar, they are a cute couple with the difference in height and the unconventional age gap.

Dean bites the inside of his cheek and tries to unclench his fists. It isn't working.

"She's way out of his league," he hears himself say, not knowing where this is even coming from.

"That's what you said, Anna, the first time you met Sam," the man chuckles.

Anna? Oh, that's the future sister-in-law Sam raved about and Dean thinks he wants to set him up with. Well, that probably flew out of the window a minute ago.

"I didn't, Castiel. I said I was surprised that she went for someone younger. That's all."

Dean's eyes shoot up. That's the man? The man, who he built up as the bogeyman who would get familiar with his fist? A fucking baby in a trenchcoat?

The whole house of cards that Dean has built up over weeks is threatening to collapse. Dean's throat tightens and he pops a button on his polo shirt, but to no avail. He meets Castiel's eyes for a moment, the other man squinting at him as if he could look deep into his soul.

"Are you okay, Dean?" he asks and sounds concerned.

"Yeah. Just need some air," Dean all but spits and heads for the door.

He props himself up on the roof terrace's balustrade and tries to sort through all his contradicting feelings. He hates it. It's all him. His fear to be left behind, for the only constant in his life to leave, like everybody else who has ever meant something to him. He's jealous and the realisation hits him hard.

Yes, he doesn't know Rowena, but Sam does. Well enough to want to marry her. Sam, who thought he was too toxic for a real relationship. Dean always told him that this was bullshit. And now that his little brother is finally listening, Dean acts like a jaundiced ex? Fuck!

"There you are," a too-familiar voice comes from behind. "I thought you left me hanging, man."

Dean chuckles. "I have to lead the bride to the altar, right?" He ruffles Sam's hair. His brother glares at him, but without heat.

"Wanna come in? I'd like to introduce you to Rowena's best man."

"Who's that?"

"Castiel."

Dean's eyes sink to the floor. Of course, he is. "Already met him."

Sam raises an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you already snubbed him."

"Nah. I wouldn't embarrass you in front of your new family." It's enough that Dean embarrassed himself.

"Most of them are kind people," Sam says carefully. "And after tomorrow, Rowena is your family, too."

Dean works his jaw. It's a bit difficult to look at Sam, now that he realised that he's never given his fiancée a real chance.

"You'll be here in California, and I'll be back in Kansas. We'll be lucky if we see each other on Christmas."

Sam squeezes his shoulder. "You could move here, Dean."

The older brother shakes his head. "I don't belong here, Sammy." Another squeeze. "And I can't afford to take off so much to drive over." And soon you'll be too busy to fly back to where everything feels small and like past, he adds in his head. He puts on a smile nonetheless.

"Samuel?" Rowena calls from the entrance. "Dinner starts in five."

Sam smiles over to his future bride. "I just need a minute, mo ghràdh."

"Mo what?"

"It's Scottish Gaelic for 'my love'."

Dean raises an eyebrow and chuckles. "You really got it bad, huh?"

"I wouldn't marry her if I didn't."

Dean pats his back. "I'm happy for you man." He's surprised that he means it.

***

Dinner goes fine and Dean has a nice conversation with Anna, who is seated next to him. Luckily, she's not of the resentful kind. Still, Dean is feeling out of place. Their found family is so much smaller than Rowena's real one with all the siblings and cousins from both sides of the pond. And this is only the rehearsal.

As soon as dinner is done, Dean excuses himself and flees to the hotel. A real one that Sam was kind enough to pay. It makes Dean feel only smaller and not good enough.

He takes a shower and walks out on the balcony, just a towel slung around his waist. He can hear the waves hitting the beach nearby and seabirds screeching. He gets why Sam moved here, why he won't come back. It still stings.

Dean did everything in his power to get him so far and he can't bring himself to regret it. But he's still angry. Maybe he is anger, plain and simple. He's been angry since his mother died and his father gave a shit about giving his sons a home. This anger will probably never go away. It's good that Sam found happiness, Dean muses. At least one of them should.

There's movement on the balcony next door and despite the separation wall, Dean can see the trenchcoat clad arms propped up on the railing. What are the odds?

"Castiel?"

There is a long pause and then comes, "Dean?" This gravelly voice doesn't fail to move him. If Dean didn't decide to scratch the term 'witch' for his future sister-in-law, he would wonder if her stepbrother might be a witcher, too.

"Yeah. Not into parties?"

There is another pause, probably filled with a head shake Dean can't see. "I don't like crowds of people. And my family is, well, my family. I love them, but it's complicated."

"I get it," Dean says, although he probably doesn't.

"You seem to have cooled down a little," Castiel states matter-of-factly.

"Was it so obvious?"

Castiel laughs and the sound vibrates into Dean's heart, churning it in delicious ways. "You looked as if you were out to kill someone."

Dean chuckles. "I kinda was."

"Why? And who?"

Dean swallows hard. What he would give for a beer right now, but he had way too much of that red wine already. Maybe that's why he answers, "You." There is a long moment of surprise that Castiel doesn't seem inclined to break, so Dean adds, "I built up this story in my head that Rowena bewitched Sam and you were at fault because you brought them together."

"And now?"

Dean shrugs his shoulders. "I only want Sammy to be happy."

Castiel hums on the other side of the separation. "Why are you sounding so sad then?"

A flare of anger rises in Dean's chest. The man doesn't know him. What gives him the right to state something like this?

"Blow me, Cass!" he grinds out. That guy is getting under his skin. Why, he doesn't know. Maybe because he's right.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

The retort comes quick like a shot and Dean is struck speechless for a way too long moment. Castiel starts chuckling.

"You're an asshole!" Dean grumbles.

"An asshole who gives good head, though," Castiel says smugly.

Dean groans. No, he won't think of these sinful lips wrapped around his cock. No way, José.

"Is that an offer?" his mouth asks without his consent.

"I'm not a one-off kind of guy, Dean."

Dean wishes he wouldn't have to lie if he said he wasn't either. Is there an expiration date for that stamp if you haven't got laid for more than a year? Probably not.

The silence stretches into an eternity until Castiel quietly says, "Good night," leaving Dean alone in the pale moonlight.

***

Rowena looks beautiful and Sam smart. Dean manages to get through the whole wedding ceremony and his best man speech without a single glimmer of jealousy. Bobby looks at him approvingly and Ellen whispers into his ear that his mum would have been so proud of him.

Still, Dean finds himself on the balcony once again. His thoughts need space to swirl around him. There's a lot to process on this fine day—his brotherly/parent-like love, his own loneliness in a room full of people, the strange stares that Castiel and he have been sharing the whole day…

He presses the palms of his hands against his eyes, hoping to force back the sting of tears building up in them. A warm hand lands on his shoulder, startling him. "You've done well."

Dean chuckles without mirth. "Can't remember when anyone said something like this about me." He bites his lip, hard. Why did he say that? To a complete stranger nonetheless. Castiel doesn't comment on it, though, and Dean sighs in relief.

The music coming from the party changes to something slow and Castiel asks, "May I have the next dance?"

Dean turns his head and stares at the outstretched hand for a very long moment. He has never danced with a man before. Not without a beer bottle in his hand and for sure not a slow dance. But he feels a pull to this man, who he hated with all his guts just a day ago. A man with kind eyes, a shy smile, and a patience Dean isn't used to.

He takes the offered hand and Castiel's smile grows wider, just like Dean's heart. Castiel pulls him slowly into his arms, lets him settle against him, and rewards Dean's head leant against his own with a gentle brush over his back.

Dean shivers at the tender touch and bites the inside of his cheek in a last attempt to keep back the tears welling up in his eyes.

"It's okay," Castiel says. "Let go. No one will see it."

And Dean does. In the arms of a stranger under the Californian moon. He doesn't shake off the tender hand carding through his hair, or the strong arms holding him upwards. He lets out the sobs he's been holding and allows Castiel to brush away his tears before their lips meet in a gentle kiss. He smiles at Castiel bashfully afterwards.

"It's okay," Castiel repeats.

Dean chuckles. "Is it? Crying like a baby in a stranger's arms?"

"Crying like the big brother, who raised a wonderful man and has to let him go to live his own life. Crying like a lonely man, who hasn't been touched intimately for ages."

Dean furrows his brow. "How?"

Castiel smiles at him with so much warmth that Dean feels like welling up again.

"Sam loves you. He talks about you all the time. It felt like I knew you before we even met. And the rest? Let's say, kindred souls recognise each other."

Dean huffs a laugh. "You're good, man."

Castiel smirks at him. "And you're a good man, Dean Winchester," he says and leans in for another kiss.

Maybe, Dean muses, Castiel is magical after all.

[mrs-cavill-wife]

Forbidden Witch (2/?)

Pairing: Charles Brandon X Female Reader

Warning: Fantasy. Language. Forbidden Love. Tell me if I miss something.

Author's Note: This one is REALLY long chapter but here comes Charles Brandon, calm your tits! Hope you guys like it, if you do, please reblog it! I'm all ears to feedback and suggestions, thank you! DM or comment if you want to be on tag lists of Forbidden Witch!

Tag List: @lexyvaldez26 @thereisa8ella @natura1phenomenon @mrsavery @number1chonie @themanfromu @littlefreya @legendarywizarddetective @lovingbearherringhairdo @zealoushound @deangal-101 @everydaymultifandom @summersong69 @jgtfvhsg @tellingyouastory @sillyrabbit81 @nuggsmum @pussyverson @oh-for-fic-sake @foodieforthoughts @fanficlover91 @r-t-doll @its--fandom--darling @poledancingdinos @hlkwrites @rmtndew

Riding for a few minutes, the boy was fun, he had many stories but I was grateful when he stopped chattering. I think this adventure exhausted him.

We arrived in Aluma and it was not difficult to find the castle, in a short time, we were well in freight for the construction. Aretuza was a beautiful place, but I had never seen such a magnificent castle, it was big, people were probably lost there. I approached the entrance and came across three soldiers, who immediately aimed the spears at me.

"Stop! Who's coming over there?"

I looked at them alerting them to stay quiet and I got off the horse slowly, the little prince was already asleep and I didn't want to find him. I think almost turning into monster food was a great experience, he needed to rest.

"Tsc-tsc. I don't think that's how you supposed to treat a lady. Especially when she saved and is in charge of the safety of her future king."

One of them approached to look closely and then looked at the others.

"Go, fast! Let your majesties know, Prince Eric has been found."

One of them ran inside the door, faster than a fox and I, even with the little boy, still had to wait outside. I looked at the blondie, and he slept soundly, hugging my Atlas, as if je were the most comfortable of the mattresses. Which is probably something he must have. Based on the aesthetics of the Castle, they must have everything from the good and the best, and even more.

"Eric! My little warrior!"

A voice, clearly desperate, screamed and, faster than her guard, the queen approached. A beautiful lady, blonde, thin but with curves, a beautiful green dress with gold details that matched with her hazel eyes and, of course, a simple but remarkable crown with rubies on the top of her head.

She approached me and the little boy, affectionately touching her face and then brushing her hair with her fingers. Her features were clear, pure happiness, relief and tears that I think, have been there since the little boy ran away. Eric woke up quickly with his mother touch and smiled softly, still tired.

She grabbed the boy, without caring about his soaked clothes, giving him a giant bear hug while sobbing.

"Oh my little prince, why? You know how worried your Mom is when you run away like that."

She said now looking at him with teary red eyes. I have to admit I felt bad for her.

"I think I'll have to put soldiers in to watch you again"

Again? Yeah, he didn't lie, and by the nickname "little warrior", I think he was really a little adventurer and a big runaway kid.

"Mom, I'm sorry and I'm fine. The witch saved me. Without her, I would be monster dinner right now."

Said the little troublemaker and after the brief moment of mother and son, the queen noticed me, gave a big smile and I bowed in respect, but she soon shook her head and held my hand.

"You, my young lady, no need to bow. You saved my son, my greatest treasure, you don't know how grateful I am. What's your name?"

I didn't knew exactly what to say. I looked at Eric and he just smiled comforting me.

"Oh.. your majesty.. I'm Cassandra, Cassandra of Boudicca.. and I just.. I just did what any sensible person would do."

"One way or another, me and your majesty, the king, we are very grateful, and by the way the king would love to meet you."

Meet me? Oh Lord, I can't say no to a queen, right? She's being so sweet with me but I'm even dressed properly to meet a king?

"My queen.. I.. well.."

"No no, I'll be offended if you refuse"

I sighed and nodded. The soldiers led the way and the queen took me into the huge castle, holding my right hand and with her son by the side, but within minutes he ran into a room with large wooden doors, apparently the throne room.

I thought we would get in there but the queen is still walking and I had no choice but to follow. We arrived at a door, it was opened and it was a beautiful room, with a huge bed that would probably fit three people, a nice balcony, a dressing table, a shelf with some books. The queen took me to the room on, had a huge mirror, a beautiful bathtub, prepared with some foam and next to it, a black girl with a simple dress, braided hair and a beautiful smile.

"This is Juliette, one of my chaperones, she's a wonderful lady, she will help you bathe and get ready."

The lady Juliette bowed at me and I looked surprised at the queen.

"Your majesty, that's not necessary, I.."

She cutted me before I could say something more.

"Darling, you can call me Madeline and maybe it's not necessary but I asked my man to treat your beautiful horse and I think you need too, besides.."

She grabbed a little cloth and gently rubbed under my nose wiping it. Something a mother would do. And I saw a little of blood when she pull away the cloth. Fire spells always consume a lot of my strength, occasionally, my nose would start bleeding and on the worst situation, I would pass out.

"..You look very exhausted, please, let my lady help you.."

Alright, maybe I need it and won't hurt, right?

I nodded causing the Queen and her lady to smile widely at me.

"Huh.. At least, lady Juliette, can she let me take care of my bath? By myself, please? I don't want to be disrespectful to your kindly, but I'm not used to undressing in front of anyone."

The queen smiled softly and nodded at Juliette and soon, she were our of bathroom.

"Darlin, one question. What's your favorite color?"

"Black!?"

I answered a little confused and she left me alone in the bathroom. I undressed and went into the warm water.

I would not feel comfortable naked in someone's presence, at all, even if I were a man.. I imagine that some people think I can be experient, I admit that I have a beautiful body, at least I think that I'm beautiful, attracts many masculine looks, I have been courted but always by men who saw me with a piece of meat or out of curiosity to know what spell a witch knows how to do between four walls. Pathetic.

The truth is that I have never been with a man, I have never fallen in love. When I was younger, I used to imagine what my future husband would be like. I imagined your details, I remember everything I liked.. He would be a tall man, defined body, fair, strong, sweet, romantic, noble, fair skin, blue eyes like the sky in a spring morning, dark hair like the night, short or maybe curly, lips chubby that would always leave me wanting more, hands that when..

Oh my God, stop Cassandra, you're not a teen anymore.. and it's not going to happen.

I blew away those stupid thoughts and got up from bathtub, grabbed a towel and wrapped around my body. When i arrived on room, I meet Lady Juliette, holding a box and next to her, on the bed, a simple, but for my eyes, a really gorgeous black dress.

"Oh my God, that's..?"

Lady Juliette laughed softly and opened the box, revealing a necklace.

"The queen want you to wear this for tonight. She thought you would like the style and it's also a gift for saving her son"

I don't wanted to sounds dramatic but it's beautiful, the dress, the necklace. I grabbed the dress and ran back to bathroom to get dressed. I admired myself on the mirror for a second and quickly, Juliette was behind me, helping me with the necklace.

"By your smile, I see you approved. The queen will love to know. Your majesties await for you on the throne room, I'll lead the way."

I nodded and followed Juliette to the throne room

Charles Brandon POV

Another beautiful morning. I woke up and rubbed my eyes, yawned getting up and wearing a shirt. I went to the window, opened the curtains and let the sunlight in. Oh, fresh air. Honestly, I could not have chosen a better place to be my home, in freight to a beautiful and immense river, around the splendid nature, far from the city, that noise makes me crazy, horses running, people screaming, songs out of tune, poor people begging for help and old "relationships" knocking on my door. That's peace right here.

I looked to the side. Seeing my wife, Phoebe and my little princess, my daughter Mackenzie. Christ, she is growing up so fast, she is only six years old now but she is a very smart little girl, loves to read, write and draw. She is the most special thing in the world for me.

I remember when Phoebe told me she was pregnant, four weeks after our wedding. I have always been a man who lives in the present, the now. But at that moment, I cared about the future, about me, about being a better man, something I never was and my wife suffered a lot from it, she would pretend to don't mind sleeping all alone almost every night, pretended not see me arriving late, often drunk, lipstick and sweat on my skin. Today I don't like to talk but, loyalty was never on my list of tasks, not before Phoebe give me someone so innocent, so sweet and pure, someone who depended on me. There's a Charles Brandon before Mackenzie, and another Charles Brandon after Mackenzie, and long before that, long before I met Phoebe, I was just a farmer's son.

How do I become Duke? Well, I was always in love with horses and swords, my father died when I was little and my mother was a queen's lady. I practically lived in the castle because of my mother's work, and this work, gave me a chance to see the soldiers training, fighting, riding, I just loved it and the captain ended up realizing my admiration, despite my young age, I became a helper, simply started carrying things, gave a little help with the horses. My dedication took me far, in a short time I cleaned the armor and then I was sharpening and testing the swords and when I really became a man, after my mother died of natural causes, with the blessing of King Edward, I became knights, soldier, one of the best.

Going to war was incredible for me, it seems sick but I liked to cut off heads, tear apart, see blood and defend the kingdom that treated me like a son. King Edward had a best friend, a king from a distant continent. King Alexander. On one of his visits, there was a feast, and that's when we met. That same night, there was an ambush in the castle and unfortunately, the king in which I served since I was a child, was murdered, as well as several soldiers, I remained standing, even injured and saved King Alexander.

After all that, King Edward gave me a lot of support. He knew it was a big loss for me, I lost a lot of friends and he knew that King Alexander was almost like a father to me. He knew of my dedication and love for the royal guard, for being a soldier and he invited me to be part of his soldiers. I was reluctant but after thinking a lot, I really had nothing else, nothing to lose so, the next day, I am already on my way to Aluma, his kingdom. There I met his wife, he told me they were trying to have a baby, they hoped it was a boy, an heir, I honestly, I always thought it was bullshit but I wouldn't say that, I was treated like a son.

For a few years, I exercised my place in the royal guard, I became a captain, and of course, the title attracted several lovers. Redheads, brunettes, blondes, fair skin, black skin, a whole meal full of colors and tastes.. each dawn I got up from a different bed, and "finally", I met Phoebe, a young lady, from a noble family. At first, it was just a carnal thing but it ended up becoming a passion, and soon, we were married. Being a captain, having a wife and being a party boy. My favorite things in life, but they were colliding. Phoebe suffered from wondering if I would return alive from a battle and the other night, she slept alone while I had fun with some harlot. It got to the point where I realized that it couldn't be like that anymore, I had affection for the woman who woke up more than I want in me, so I made the decision to relinquish my post as captain of the royal guard. King Alexander tried to insist that I stay, it's true that we ended up becoming great friends but he ended up understanding my decision.

As a thank you for years of loyalty to him and his best friend, he gave me a title and his best builders would build my home, wherever I wanted. I chose, Sullfolk, a beautiful continent, full of nature. I became Charles Brandon, the Duke of Sullfolk.

"Daddy?"

I leave my daydreams of the past, hearing that sweet voice of my dear Mackenzie. I looked at the bed and saw her with a sleepy face and a smile in my direction. I walked over, sitting next to her on the bed and placing a kiss on her messy hair.

"Good morning, sunshine. how did my little princess sleep?"

"Good daddy, are we traveling today, right?"

I laughed softly nodding at her. Since King Alexander sent a letter, inviting me and my family to Aluma, my little Mackenzie is not holding on to happiness, she would ask me every night, "When are we going? It's closer daddy?".

It would be her first trip, she would know the place of my stories that she loved to hear. It would be a visit, it had been a few years since Alexandre and I had seen each other and he said he would prepare a banquet, talk about the old days, it would be fun for my family, a chance for Mackenzie to know a new place and Phoebe would review the place where he was born. In fact, we were all in stasis.

"I'll get ready and tell our servants to put our breakfast. Wake up your mother and meet me in the dining room. After we eat, we go to the road."

She smiled widely causing me the same action of affection and I left the room.

[rinasred]

Night falls, I'm cast beneath her spell.

An hournite fic -

Summary: Rick has been engaging with a mystery girl online, he hopes that she reveals herself to be his long time crush beth... maybe he gets what he's hoping for. <3

read on AO3

---

Rick had always been good at keeping things to himself. He never understood how some people can go around telling others every aspect of their own lives. He was especially that way in school and on social media. His classmates knew absolutely nothing about him, if you asked them they'd probably just say he's the angry kid with the drunken dad (of course no one knew he’s actually his uncle). Or recently they'll mention how he hangs out with those weird girls all the time, meaning Beth, Yolanda and Courtney. But that's about all the knowledge Rick's peers have about him.

Sitting on his bed rick scrolls through his Instagram feed, where he keeps himself anonymous. A noise comes from his phone to show that he has a notification. It's a message, and there's only one person it can be from. He checks it to see that it's from a user by the name of BubblyGirl04. A grin comes across Rick's face as he reads the notification. Rick and this girl have been messaging non stop for the past months, they've been talking even before he found out about hourman and the JSA.

With a giant smile on his face Rick opens the message to see an image attached, it's a photo of delicious looking pasta. Under it the mystery girl wrote.

Bubblygirl04: So... What do you think? Do i just get better or what?

YellowMustang: It looks amazing, my mouth is actually watering up... And to answer your question, yes, you do in fact get better.

Bubblygirl04: Thanks!! You're too sweet for you own good!! <3

Rick looks up from his phone, his face heats up as his cheeks turn a reddish color. Luckily he was alone in his room, he would die if anyone caught him blushing the way he is now.

BubblyGirl04: So tell me, do you think that i should join the cooking class at our school? I don't want that to make it easier for you to figure me out.

YellowMustang: Join as you please, I don't think the cooking instructor will see you coming. She's probably gonna have to call up Gordon Ramsay to our school.

YellowMustang: Alsoooo... What's so scary about me figuring out who you are??

Bubblygirl04: Lmaoo Gordon Ramsay? No i definitely can't handle the pressure of him tasting my food, i would go into anxiety overload. And we talked about this, I don't think i'm ready to reveal who i am... Not quite yet anyway.. sorry :(

Just like that, he could feel his heart sink in his chest. Like blades being pulled out of it, he would always suggests that she tells him who she is, but she never seems to be ready. But Rick could understand, he wasn't sure if he was ready to reveal himself to her yet. He would never admit it but he was afraid she'd be disappointed. She's sweet, smart, talented and funny, he couldn't imagine losing her because he wasn't good enough.

Yellowmustang: Yeah ok, don't be sorry, i understand.. it's just.. sometimes i wish we could be something real.

Bubblygirl04: We are real?? Are we not??? We talk everyday, and we tell each other everything about our lives?

Yellowmustang: ... It's not real until i get to hold you... It's not real until i get to whisper in you ear that you're mine..

-read-

Rick's mind made up so many situations as to why she didn't reply, it's been forty minutes since he had sent the text and still, nothing. He lays down on his bed with both palms covering his face. He groans when the thought of his message comes across his mind. He wonders if he should get up and do something to distract himself, but honestly nothing can really take him mind of this girl.

A ping can be heard from his phone, Rick jumps up and sees the phone laying at the bottom of his bed. He chuckles with the hope that it's a text from the mystery girl. Leaning forward he grabs the phone and checks the notification. The banner across his phone reads "JSA GC". It was from the imessage group chat that him and the girls made a few weeks back. His excitement toned down when he realized it wasn't from the girl he had hoped.

Courtney: Rick!! WTF!?!??! You're like super late, where are you??!?!

Yolanda: Relax Court, i'm sure he's just held up... Rick we need you here, pat has a whole thing set up for us... You know how he is.

Rick: Sorry, i had something come up. But i'm on my way.

Rick sends the text and quickly gets up and puts on his shoes. He puts his hoodie on and rushes out the door. He knew that if he were any later, he would never hear the end of it from Courtney. He gets in his yellow mustang that belonged to his father, thanks to pat it's now a working engine. Driving to the Pit stop where the group is, Rick couldn't help but ponder on everything that happened with the mystery girl. But he knew he couldn't think about that at practice, he needed to have his full attention on practicing, the injustice society was still out there somewhere and they needed to be stopped.

Arriving at the pit stop entrance Rick is approached by Courtney immediately.

"What the hell rick? It took you long enough, doesn't taking down the ISA mean anything to you?" Courtney lectures.

"Yeah of course it does you know that, i just.. got caught up in something but it's fine now."

Yolanda walks towards Rick as she stands besides Courtney. "You okay rick?" Yolanda questions. She looks at Rick with a sincere concerned look, she could tell something had been bothering him.

Rick pretends not to notice her concern. "Yeah, i'm fine. Can we just get started already." He says while walking further into the pit stop. He notices Pat has dummies of the ISA up again, well at least they aren't as cheesy looking as the ones Courtney destroyed. There are around four cpr dummies on sticks decorated with makeup and costumes resembling the ISA members. Wow, is this what pat spends all his free time doing? Rick thought.

"Rick! Good to see you buddy. Alright now that we're all here, i'll tell you what we're going to be studying today." Pat stated to the four teens as they stand in front of the bleachers awaiting his instructions.

While Pat was rambling on about teamwork and it's important on the field, Rick zoned out after noticing Beth. Something was different, her hair wasn't down as it usually it, it was braided down into crown braids. Rick stared in awe as she shyly looked at Pat while paying close attention to what he was saying, she cared so much about these missions and never missed a single practice. Rick admired her efficiency, he admired her everything.

"Alright so today we're going to be focusing on how your abilities work together on the field. So we will start off with each of you being paired with one another and we'll see how you can use your powers to help each other out. Then we'll do one last practice with all four of you, got it?" Pat explained.

"Got it." The three girls say in unison.

"O-oh, yeah got it." Rick says shortly after them once he's focus is back on pat and off of beth.

Pat sets the dummy of icicle in the center of the room. "Alright first we need Courtney and Yolanda, let's see how stargirl and wildcat can work together to beat icicle." Pat states.

Courtney picks up the cosmic staff from beside her feet, she gets in a fighting stance. "Alright, i was born for this." She lets out eagerly.

"Uhh, Yeah me too!" Yolanda adds on.

"Okay let's go, and while we're practicing, Rick and Beth you guys can wait on the bleachers until it's your turn." Pat explains.

Beth goes to seat in the middle of the bleachers and sits down before taking out her phone and staring at it longingly. Rick's eyes follow her as he can't help but to gaze at her.

"Gee, i get lectured for being late only to be benched? Quite a team we have going here." Rick complains sarcastically before walking to sit next to beth, his legs began to rush because of his excitement of finally be able to be with her all day but he tries to slow down as to not seem too eager.

Booms and zaps can be heard as Courtney and Yolanda practice on the dummies. As always Courtney is complimenting herself after every success and Yolanda is just excited to put use of all the amazing things her cat suit can do. Rick watches them practice for a second before turning to Beth, she still had a sorrowful look on her face as she stared at her phone.

Rick notices she hasn't said a word to him all day, which was unusual of Beth, she's usually the first to initiate every conversation. She didn't ask anyone how their days were or talk about all the amazing things her and chuck talked about, nothing.

Taking a deep breath Rick tries to think of something to say to break the silence. "So... How are you beth?" He asks, sliding closer to her on the bench.

Beth looks up from her phone and towards Rick, their eyes meet. Rick heart begins to beat out of his chest as he glanced into her honey brown eyes.

"Oh hi rick.." Beth says looking up from her phone. "I'm fine... Super excited for practice.. How about you?" Beth says, not sounding like her normal chipper self.

Rick couldn't help but think back to the mystery girl, because for a while he had hoped beth would reveal that she was behind the account. It made sense, both beth and the mystery girl had so much in common. They both are have no siblings, they have distant parents and not to mention their talent for cooking and baking. But Rick thought he was just getting his hopes up, he felt as if he let his existing crush on beth cloud his judgement.

Even though Rick really liked this mystery girl, his heart belonged to beth since the first grade. Ever since she was the only one to remember his birthday (rick's asshat of an uncle was too drunk to bother remembering). She brought him in cupcakes that she made herself, they were chocolate and fudge, with vanilla frosting and the words "happy b day rick" written on top in green frosting. Him and Beth sat together at recces that day and at the cupcakes on the bench.

Rick was never the type to remember specific details, but he could easily go on about the gorgeous blue sundress beth wore that day, he remembered her telling him she wanted to wear something special for his big day. She sang him happy birthday in the most beautiful harmony. He never forgot how beautiful she sounded, even when the teachers couldn't bother to do something for his birthday, he knew he could always count on beth.

"I'm okay i guess." Rick responds fidgeting in his seat.

"Well thats good to hear." Beth says going to look back at her phone.

Rick notices how often she had been staring at her phone screen today, which was fairly unusual. Beth was never the type to use her phone during conversations. "You waiting on a text?" Rick suggests, hoping to get some type of explanation out of her.

Beth jumps and quickly puts her phone away upon hearing those words. "No, it's nothing i was just thinking about something a friend of mine sent me." She says vaguely, turning her vision to rick finally.

He could tell something was wrong, he knew her better than he knew himself. "Hey, how about we let wildcat and stargirl do their thing in here, and go get some fresh air while we wait for our turn." Rick suggests, hoping to get some alone time with beth for the first time today.

"Sure! I could use a breath of fresh air." Beth responds, getting up and walking towards the exist, rick follows behind her.

The summer sun rays touch Rick's skin, the heat was really starting to come in now that summer has officially started. He smiled and watched as beth took off her cardigan and tied it around her waist.

"So, umm beth... I think i have something that i want to ask you, i mean i have been wanting to ask you about this for some time, but i was a little too embarrassed in case you'd say no and it's well its a lot-" Rick rambled on, preparing himself for what he was about to ask, he couldn't believe he had finally gained the courage to do so.

Beth walk closer to rick, placing her hand gently on his arm to calm his nerves. "What is it rick? You know you can tell me anything!" She reassures him.

He did know, thats what made her so amazing. "Beth... I have feelings for you." Rick admits.

For a second it felt like time had stopped as rick glanced at beth's precious face to see her reaction to his words. She gapes her mouth and her eyes widen in shock. He soft hold on Rick's arm becomes a soft grip.

"You... have feelings for me?" Beth asks rhetorically. Rick nods his head in responds, he slightly pouts, afraid of what she might say next.

"Do you feel the same way?" He asks. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest, his palms were dripping with sweat. He felt as if he could faint any second.

Beth eyes light up, her shocked expression turns into a grin. "Oh my god- RICK!?!? OF COURSE I LIKE YOU!" She shouts as she rushes in for a hug.

The warmth of Beth affection calms Rick down immanently, a grin as bright as the sun comes across rick's face as he sighs out of relief. They embrace each other for some time, not even realizing how much time had passed.

Once the hugs ends, beth lays her hands on rick's shoulders, as he grabs her waist slighting to bring her closer to his height. Rick's heart flutters as he stares into beth's eyes, he would always catch glances of her eyes when they hung out, but he was always to shut to look into them for too long. But not today, he felt like he could stare into her eyes forever, looking at her had always made him feel safe.

Rick couldn't even think about the mystery girl, whoever she was, if she wasn't beth, it didn't matter to him.

"Can i confess something to you Rick?" Beth questions, with a look of concern in her eyes.

"You can tell me anything, beth." Rick replies, he knew that she couldn't say anything that would dim his happiness. The girl of his dreams had just admitted to having feelings for him too, this moment was too special to be ruined.

"Well, i've kind of been having a thing with this guy-" Beth begins, those words sank Rick's heart. He never experienced such intense jealousy in his life, the euphoria he felt had slowly began to fade away as he listened to beth speak.

"And well we met online and never actually talked in person, in fact i'm not exactly sure who he is. And I don't know if i'm gonna keep talking to him, because... whenever i talk to him, i've always imagined you." Beth lets out.

Rick's joy comes rushing back upon hearing the end of beth's sentence. She imagined him, even when she talked to other guys, he always dreamed of being on her mind as much as she was on his. Then slowly, rick's logic comes into play when he ponders upon beth's situation with this guy.

He thought back to how he was in an exact similar situation but with a girl, could it be? After all this time imagining beth, could it actually be that Rick was right.

Before he could even think of the words to say in response to beth's confession, rick leans in his lips brushed her, delicately. The warmth from her lips caused rick to shiver as he cupped the back of her neck with his right hand.

After a while, when the kiss is over, rick dazedly stared into beth's eyes again. She stared back, her face surprised but pleased with Rick's response.

"Hey beth." He says.

"Yes?" She replies.

Rick leans into her ear and whispers, "You're mine." He could feel beth freeze up upon hearing him speak those words, just like that it clicked to her as well. "Now it's real." He says finally.

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: My mum heard wrong and you're actually okay, right? Jac: I am now Amelia: but it was you Jac: me and half of Dublin Amelia: I could care less about about 3/4 of this town Jac: generous, a whole 1/4 Amelia: you know what I mean Jac: yeah Jac: your maths isn't that shocking Amelia: what happened? Jac: what do you mean Jac: I didn't accidentally swallow my mouthwash or something Jac: you know how it goes Amelia: alright, why did it happen? Jac: It was new years Jac: simple as Amelia: you don't give a shit about New Year's Amelia: or anything else right now Jac: I was feeling festive Amelia: because? Jac: because it's the reason for the season? idk Amelia: you're really going to make me figure it out? okay Jac: there's fuck all to figure out Jac: you've got drunk, you know why Amelia: What did she do? Jac: which nurse was it that told your mum Jac: or was it a receptionist, they're the fucking worst Amelia: answer my question so I don't have to go on her profile Jac: go ahead and look Jac: you won't be surprised, no one else is Amelia: [does so a pause] Amelia: I'm sorry Jac: I knew anyway Jac: well, was 99% sure Jac: but then that 1% went so Amelia: You could've called me Amelia: nobody on the gossip grapevine even knows the lad who brought you in Jac: I very much couldn't Jac: I was passed out Jac: so me either, the thank you note will sit here unsent, like Amelia: before, I mean Amelia: she didn't post that last night Jac: it was Christmas Amelia: so? Jac: a time for family Amelia: you used to be Amelia: basically Jac: well that's just weird Amelia: again, you know what I mean Jac: not acceptable to float your incest fantasies just 'cos you've got no siblings to go there with Amelia: ugh, shut up Jac: works for me Amelia: no, it doesn't Jac: ask anyone Jac: I've had a very relaxing break Amelia: none of this is working for you, that's why you ended up in hospital Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: that was the tequila Amelia: none of this is funny Jac: what do want me to say? Amelia: quite literally anything that isn't a pisstake Amelia: that's how low my bar is now Jac: I got drunk, it isn't the drama your mum and whoever the fuck is making it out to be Amelia: it isn't a drama that you got so drunk you had to be medically emptied out after being brought in by a stranger, no of course not Amelia: anything could have happened to you but why the fuck would that matter Jac: clearly I was surrounded by nice people Jac: I wasn't in a crack den Amelia: you wouldn't tell me if you were Amelia: unless you had a joke you could make out of it Jac: I appreciate that you find me so amusing Jac: I'm not making jokes, there is just nothing to actually be said about any of it Amelia: Fine, we'll go back to not talking Jac: don't let me ruin your good time Amelia: it's a bit late for that advice, thanks anyway Jac: amazing Jac: way to make my hospital stay about you Amelia: how could I? It's all about Savannah fucking Moore, as always Jac: so you wanted to be the one I drank myself into a coma for Jac: I'm so sorry Jac: I'll try again next time and leave a note shouting you out Amelia: no you won't, because that would involve telling people about me Amelia: I might as well not exist Jac: 'cos I'm going around telling EVERYONE that this is about her Amelia: it's never been any secret how I feel about you or that I need you even though you don't need me Amelia: and you could've fucking died or something Jac: seriously Amelia: yeah Jac: it's bullshit if you actually believe that Jac: and you're not just saying it Amelia: all of this is bullshit Jac: I'm a fucking mess Jac: I hit you up all the time Jac: why do you need me to spell it out to you Jac: hire a fucking skywriter Amelia: none of it matters because when things actually matter, like this, you don't Jac: because I'm not fucking okay Jac: that doesn't mean that I don't those other times Amelia: I know that Jac: you clearly don't Jac: it means nothing Jac: then fuck it Amelia: it doesn't mean nothing Jac: it's so fucking Jac: infuriating Jac: I haven't talked to anyone else in person for so long Jac: and I barely do it in writing now either Jac: don't pretend you don't know that means something just to fit your narrative Amelia: what to do want me to say? or do? Amelia: I've spent ages worried about you even before this and there's nobody I can talk about it with because you won't Amelia: I don't get to be upset because it's Christmas and we're not friends and I'm over it, that's the narrative for everybody else Amelia: then I hear this and it's no big deal to you, apparently Jac: just not be so fucking dense Jac: at least when you're talking to me, you don't need to pretend that now Jac: what would you like me to say? how fucking vile it was having to bring up my entire stomach contents, what it smelt like? how terrifying it was to be there on my own? Jac: or what can I do for you now? start sobbing about how out of control my life is, repent, promise to change and be different? Amelia: I've already lost you once because of her, I can't do it again Amelia: especially not like that Jac: I can't stop loving her Jac: I can't stop it hurting Jac: all of us Amelia: I can't stop loving you Amelia: and she isn't going to force me to when she isn't even fucking here Jac: There's no point blaming her Jac: if she didn't know, before I showed her how I felt Jac: she didn't know about you and me Amelia: and you think I'm dense Jac: I don't think she's perfect Jac: not completely Amelia: it's progress Jac: shut up Jac: I'm sorry, alright, I wouldn't have told you, you wouldn't have needed to be worried Amelia: I'm worried by all the things you don't tell me Amelia: where you go and what you do when you're not 'hitting me up' Jac: it's not as if you'd wanna hear it though Jac: you want me to stop, like everyone does Jac: but I just Jac: I can't Amelia: I don't want to hear it because I know it's not what you really want Jac: I can't have what I want Amelia: you can't have her, it doesn't mean you have to have that Jac: None of it was real Jac: but it doesn't erase all that time, what was said and done and felt Jac: not for me Amelia: of course it doesn't Jac: it's like I'm trapped Jac: I can't go back but I'm just left here, she's left me here and all of the things we were going to do and be together aren't going to happen Jac: I'm not going to be that person but I'm not the same as before Amelia: it's like she killed you, you have to grieve Jac: I don't like who I am now Jac: without her Amelia: you said it, you're a mess Amelia: not much about that for a virgo to like Jac: this is just another day in the life for you is it Jac: 🦂 Amelia: it's not about me Amelia: how you feel about you Jac: it's no secret I CLEARLY hate myself Amelia: it'd be the worst kept secret ever if it was Jac: so yeah, it's nice to flip the script, have people think maybe I hate them instead Jac: I ruined Christmas because I hate you all, like, yeah, fine Amelia: maybe Cammie's brothers are little enough to fall for it Jac: it's surprising how effective playing at being a coma patient is for the cause Amelia: everyone knows you're hurting instead of hating Jac: alright Jac: sounding like a cringe 90s rnb love song is not cute Amelia: I'm not cute today Jac: have you got your serious face on to match your tone Amelia: my parents have and if you can't beat them, join them Jac: did your nan say something homophobic and they forgot to call her out on your behalf? Amelia: I'm grounded because of what you did, that's what passes for logic in this 🏠 Amelia: they haven't stopped talking about it or trying to overhaul my life Jac: oh great Jac: I'll not be able to see you too now Amelia: they've told me to stay in, they can't make me Amelia: you can see me whenever you want to Jac: your parents are actually sensible, if leaning towards over-protective Jac: they'll get a restraining order Jac: or me sectioned, if they can really sell it Amelia: they don't know about us Amelia: you're fine Jac: they know they don't want you being my friend Amelia: they don't want me getting hospitalised, that's all Amelia: they know if we were still friends I'd look after you and vice versa Jac: it isn't catching, it's alcohol poisoning Jac: can we go to the beach Jac: we've obviously missed the official swim but I want to Amelia: they did run out of Christmas drinks because I never got around to replacing what we stole and I did have to take sole blame, so that's where they think I'm heading Amelia: but yeah, we can go to the beach Jac: their friends always could put it away Amelia: and I wasn't even drunk last night Amelia: because I'd already had a lecture Jac: how drunk did you get on Christmas day then Amelia: it's not my fault they all stop at a couple of glasses Amelia: or want to my life a competition vs the child or children of every single person my parents know Amelia: 🥱🙄 Jac: you didn't know miracle was a lifetime obligation as well as a fancy title? Jac: gutted Amelia: did I hit you up, no, therefore I CLEARLY wasn't drunk enough Jac: Charming Amelia: 😏 Jac: you know, when I get drunk, I make really bad choices/nearly die Amelia: not always Amelia: and I might've given my cousin my phone so I didn't send you anything, okay? I'm that 😳🤓 Jac: She blatantly wanted to nose at all your private texts anyway Jac: I wouldn't trust any of mine as far as I can throw them Amelia: she'd have to steal my fingerprint, I definitely wasn't that drunk Jac: don't you delete them after? Jac: amateur Amelia: what would I do when you aren't talking to me if I did, read a book? Jac: you're quick with the recommendations for me, so yeah Amelia: I get enough migraines without encouraging them Jac: 😏 Jac: we definitely shouldn't be friends then Amelia: that's not even in the top 10 of reasons why we shouldn't Jac: again, so polite Amelia: come on, you know I'll break any amount of rules Jac: it's not supposed to be adding to the fun of it, like Amelia: fuck supposed to as well Jac: alright Jac: but I ain't going out and getting drunk tonight Jac: I feel inside out still Amelia: what do you want to do then? Jac: I don't know Jac: let's just start with the beach and I'll see Amelia: okay Jac: what do you wanna do Amelia: I only give a shit about seeing you Jac: It might take me a while to get out Jac: goes without saying I'm more than grounded Jac: one pair of 👀 on me at all times Amelia: that kind of wait won't kill me Jac: alright Jac: I'll think of something Amelia: remember a coat this time, yeah? Amelia: I can't lend you any more without literally taking the one off my own back Jac: oh no Amelia: you didn't nearly die in my coat, did you? Jac: I was wearing it Jac: but I don't have it now Amelia: oh Jac: I do remember where I was, I wasn't that gone when I arrived Jac: but I don't wanna go back, I can give you the address? Amelia: do I want to go there or should I just hit the sales? Jac: yeah Jac: consider it a late christmas present? Amelia: wait, my late Christmas present isn't that you didn't die? Jac: you're glad, aren't you, that's a gift Jac: but I also meant money for a coat, that's only fair, if anything Amelia: I can afford my own replacement coat Jac: alright Jac: but I did lose it Amelia: I lent it to you, if it was that precious to me, I wouldn't have Amelia: and my mum will be thrilled I'm asking to go shopping Jac: yeah, true enough Jac: what did you get her for christmas? Amelia: [something her basic mum would actually love because she only had to buy for her parents so might as well go in] Jac: wow, daughter of the year much Amelia: I'm their only daughter, there's no contest Jac: all I got mine was a nervous breakdown so you know Amelia: I did that last year, you know, before it was cool Jac: 🤓 Amelia: I'm sorry that you didn't invent pining Jac: I'm not pining though, you can have that Amelia: I don't want it Jac: I'm sorry you invented pining Amelia: I didn't, I just happen to be amazing at it Jac: or bad at it, depending on your outlook Amelia: well yeah Jac: I look awful Amelia: how do you feel? Jac: awful Jac: at least there's no disparity there Amelia: you've nailed it, along with the majority Jac: start as the year will go on, no matter my intentions or otherwise Jac: fucking hell Amelia: I look great, you've been warned Jac: 😂 Amelia: 👧🏻 Jac: at least it isn't bowl-esque now Jac: like your xmas throwback Amelia: I knew you'd like that Jac: that santa is creepy looking though Jac: your face says it all Amelia: 😂 Jac: how likely do you think any of my siblings are to cover for me right now Amelia: 🤔 very unlikely Jac: distract and run it is Amelia: can you even 🏃 the state you're in? Jac: They gave me IV, I'm technically in my prime, thank you Amelia: carry on Jac: you don't have to come Amelia: I want to though Jac: alright Amelia: okay Jac: [I think she should ask Jesse to cover but whatever the outcome of that convo let us say you do get out somehow and you can go to the beach] Amelia: [yeah even if he won't, find a way gal] Jac: [have your nice moment] Amelia: [it's deserved, well not really because you ruined christmas and new year's but Savannah ruined everything first so it kind of is lol] Jac: [it's what being a teen is all about henny] Amelia: [not this teen, I was a goody two shoes] Jac: [my boo is too good she would never lmao, I did so] Jac: [I think they should have a nice time but then someone/someone's parents is at the beach so she's like well bye] Amelia: [that's very valid because you lowkey wouldn't be able to go anywhere without seeing someone either they know from school or Amelia's parents know the parents of] Jac: [exactly, it's an easy way to end things before anything really has to be said or done so tah everyone] Amelia: [I hope you're both going home, we don't need any more drama immediately] Jac: [my boo says get your ass back home] Amelia: [mhmm] Jac: [she has nowhere to be so I'm sure she's going back to bed lol] Amelia: [get your arse back home too Amelia even though I'm sure that girl has text you at Christmas and New Year's] Jac: [at least you weren't at the beach gal] Amelia: [I 100% vote you do see her when school starts though even though she in the year above and would have to seek you out lol] Jac: [my boo says let her have it] Amelia: [we do love the jealousy always] Jac: [mhmm] Amelia: [not letting you date her though because she actually seems to like you so that'd be rude] Jac: [only jac and savannah can do that lol] Amelia: [Savannah do like this boy cos he reminds her of Jac remember LOL] Jac: [lmao]

[95squeen]

Okey, so I don't wanna jump to conclusions but... I just got so sad.

I have completely trust in that when Harrys is ready he is ready. But I just have to explain my self, don't care if anyone ever reads my posts because I just write to get things out.

This coming album of Harry is litterly the one thing that keeps me going right now. I'm not in a good place in life, or with myself right now. And i haven't been for a long time and that's probebly not going to change either. I'm looking forward to this so much and everyday I think about it, just to keep myself strong and get trough the day. Waking up everyday just to feel numb and sad, just to seconds later remember to check my phone just in case somethings happend. Harry...his music, just his personality and what he brings to people saves me, like everyday.

Evertime I'm on my way home I listen to Two Ghosts, just to remind me that I'm not alone to feel this. I cried when I heard that one for the first time, because it was the first time I was able to put words to what I feel. To what I fel everyday in my relationship..but I'm just to scared and to much of a coward to do something about it right now. But i think I'm on my way there...at least if nothing change real soon.

So today has been a really shitty day. Wierd because it's my boyfriends birthday...I was not able to put up anything special or fancy cause I'm so broke right now. The reason, I gave most of my money to my boyfriend, cause he wanted to go away and se friends and stuff, and I was thinking that it would be good and he would be happy for his birthday coming up. So when I got home from work, exausted cause of my lack of sleep, I made a real nice dinner with dessert for us and he oppend his presents. Everything felt good and we were in a good mood. I knew that he was supposed to meet up with a friend later and I was totally fine with that ofc. When he is on his way out I just make a little funny coment like "please don't come home 3AM drunk". He was like "It's my birthday I come home whenever I want" and started talking about me always coming home late and drunk...yeah right...and then he said "I just wanna go out with my friend, just so I can feel that I have done something on my birthday" Like the dinner and everything just didn't count anymore and it just wasn't enough... Maybe if he could take care of his own money and not waste them the first day after payment we could have done something together...and if he hadn't went to his friends we could have hade dinner at a restaurant. But that just dosen't count now...It feels like he's blaming me for not beeing able to do something, when I have been the one sittning home while he is of to somewhere.

Don't know why I'm even writing this but I just feel like I'm gonna explode and break. I probebly have spelled so wrong but I'm gonna blame that on my normal laungage swedish.. So when I just find the post about this thing I just got so sad...like I was hoping it to be out soon. And I now that's just me hoping without any reality. I just need something, to wake up and think that maybe today is the day, but this just killed it. I know it' just me having a shitty day...and I love Harry for beeing like this haha. I just needed to, well, write this down.

And I now that this is not really saying anything to us and I was just living and hoping, and I'm not dissapointed or anything like that. Just trying to get trough life without breaking down and having my thoughts take over my mind.

So here I am, alone and awake and sad. But thank you Harry for bringing so much joy and happines into this world, I need it more than ever, and thank you for making me belive in myself just a little. I wanna be in your world cause it's so exiting and lovely ❤

[theyearthirtytwo]

Day 2.

Knowing what to write about and sitting down to actually write are often, for me, two very different things. I suppose maybe that is the whole point behind Morning Pages a la The Artist's Way and warm-ups in general. Basketball games. Doodling. Vocal exercises. That first morning cup of coffee. We often need a little cajoling to get our best work. (full transparency, I googled how to spell "cajoling" to make sure I got it right. I did. I am irrationally proud.)

So much of the "art" we see on the internet is just shitty first drafts. It's embarrassing, I think, that we've created a society of instant gratification that no longer allows creatives to actually create without near constant production. We ask for more, more, more until there is nothing more to give. That is what happened for me and We Live Here Now. You simply cannot create top-tier prose day after day, month after month, and expect to like even a quarter of what you produce. Or at least, I believe anyone with a [not so] healthy dose of imposter syndrome can not.

When I decide to look at my twenties as a shitty first draft, it feels better. It also is tinged with an ounce or two of regret that I "wasted" an entire decade mostly fucking up, but it's true nonetheless. (I had no idea nonetheless was all one word. Back to standard pride level.) My twenties were, without question, my shitty first draft. I'm still figuring out how to edit out the worst parts.

I am sure my therapist would encourage me to not think of it as "editing out" but rather, lessons learned - the shit that doesn't get to make it to the next draft. And sure, that's fine.

I have this idea about myself that continues to be proven inaccurate. In my version of self-loathing, I believe that everyone knows what a mess I am/was/have-been/will-be. Over the weekend I attended a party at a friend's house in Portland that would prove this theory unequivocally false. I've been friends with this person for close to a decade (wow), meaning - through the majority of my messiest years - and have met/known/loved many of the other dear people in his life during that time. Within moments of stepping foot on the lawn I was swooped into not one, not two, but three massive hugs and gleeful conversations. I didn't make to to the back yard for another 40 minutes....

AHHHHH!!!!! I JUST SAW A QUAIL FAMILY ON THE LAWN!!!!!!!! QUAILS ARE SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!

ok, back to how many people love me.

After the party, my friend texted me how wonderful it was to have me there and how the general feedback he's been receiving since has been "great party, it was SO GOOD to see Sharlyn." Being loved is a pretty special thing.

Not one of those people said "Sharlyn was pretty drunk, but it was still fun" or "She kind of overshared" or "She's put on a few lbs" or "I can't believe she's still not happy" - Probably none of them were even thinking it. Almost certainly none of them were even thinking it.

If I can learn to love myself like my friends do - for the joy and comfort I bring, for the loving and accepting space I leave for people, for the complete lack of judgement or expectation I put on others, and if I can learn to accept the human parts of me that have previously created a "pillar of fire, shooting directly from my chest" (call back), maybe this decade I will be able to create (produce, yuck) the work, the live, the me that I can be truly proud of.

I deleted the Zillow app from my phone. I also deleted Instagram, Pinterest, and Reddit. The applications I onced used to be anywhere else mentally are gone. Replaced with a silence and a discomfort that forces me to be right here, right now. I hate it.

It's probably great for my relationship with the kiddo that I nanny. I imagine it's great for my brain and cognitive function. I can already tell that it's great for my mental health.

I've wanted to redownload Zillow approximately 25 times already (it's been two days), but I am sticking it out for a few reasons.

Reason #1: It's Just Not Helpful

It's not helpful to imagine all of the other places I "could" be or "might want" to be instead of the place where I am. I am in no position to be purchasing a home at the moment and do not even know if I would like these homes beyond the internet (recent research - driving by homes in Salem and Eugene I was convinced that I would love, but didn't - tells me I would not) and even if I was in a position to buy a home (again, I am not), my partner and I are in the process of figuring out some very big things - including where we ultimately want to live together. This future-tripping-game-of-imaginary-house I am playing WITH MYSELF just isn't helpful.

Do I freaking love imagining how I would pretend decorate or renovate a home? Sure. Will I return to my lifelong-favorite-waste-of-time-and-creative-energy again? Without a doubt. But for now, it's unhelpful. So away it goes.

Reason #2: The Gift of Presence

In the era of the internet, being physically and mentally present is fucking hard. It's also really fucking important. Not having these freshly updated apps readily available inside my pocket computer any time of day and night requires me to notice when I would like to numb via escapism (and, unfortunately, how often) and highly encourages me to do anything else - focus on my breath, notice the nature around me, give myself comfort, give myself grace. So I'll start there. I'll notice when I am feeling the need to escape and I'll change my habits to not require the escapism I seek. How boring.

The act of actually re-downloading the apps wouldn't take very long, but the moral failing and personal disappointment I would feel in myself if I did so wouldn't be worth it.

So, for now, I have my feelings, my thoughts, my breath, and my body. I have the right here and the right now.

Let's hope that's enough.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

@dalucaprio

YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!

YOU DAMNED, DAMNED FOOL!!!!

DIDNT YOU READ MY WARNING????

RIDDLE ME THIS BATMAN

WHICH FETISH. IS FOUR LETTERS LONG. AND STARTS WITH S.

BUT FINE. FINE!!!! IF THERE IS ANYTHING TUMBLR USER WAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWA ISNT, IT'S A GODDAMN COWARD.

YOU WANNA TANGO???? LET'S TANGO.

(i dont think i need to clarify but: under the cut includes bold-faced nsft headcanons. and yes, that includes THAT fetish. i'm no pussy)

okay. fine. wanna know the deets of izaya's combination sex addiction and self-harm addiction?? sure. yeah. i'll bite. let's a-fucking-go.

so, one of the things i think izaya does genuinely enjoy is having a nice big cock up his ass, like he does enjoy the sizeplay aspect but alone he goes way overboard and oftentimes makes himself bleed inadvertently

he also does like edgeplay but again, takes it Way too far. he simultaneously sees cumming as both a privilege and a punishment, meaning he’ll edge himself for some time, then when he does cum, continue until he’s cumming dry. this all i think started fairly innocuously, then he started upping the ante more and more until the pain was no longer pleasurable and he’s basically nonsexually torturing himself for reasons beyond him

“wa-san where’s the sc-” I’M GETTING THERE. WHY ARE YOU SO EAGER TO GET THERE HUH?? HUH?????!!! IS THERE SOMETHING I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOU ALL!!!

this all ends up compounding more and more as time goes on, because when izaya goes on these spells, he always adds new aspects and never removes old ones. so if it started with edging and then overstim, he’ll continuously add new aspects but never get rid of old ones. if he sticks with a certain routine, it’ll eventually become mundane, so he always has to up the ante, always has to find a new thing to incorporate, always has to convince himself harder and harder that he Likes This

the more time goes on, the farther it strays from a replacement for affection. perhaps that’s the point? he’d rather suffer than admit loneliness? or maybe it’s a fucked-up emotional release- the only time he’s able to let himself cry is when he pushes himself to these insane limits.

time goes on. he introduces sounding in the mix. aphrodisiac substances. he gets drunk beforehand. uses a cock ring. uses multiple cock rings. stuffs his ass with bigger and bigger dildos; stretches the time of these sessions for longer and longer- hours, days, weeks, months, as long as he possibly can, just to torture himself more

and of course the real torment is the humiliation! what would anyone do if they found out that izaya orihara, ikebukuro’s feared informat, conducted himself like this? it’s the shame he feels; that’s the worst of it!

and he eventually zeroes in on his own weakness, and exploits it.

there’s no way to make this sound sexy to someone who isn’t into it, and izaya does it to such an extreme that even I’M not wholly into the things he does so im just going to say it.

once, he intentionally kept himself plugged up for such a long time, with such a thick object, that he would immediately shit himself once he took it out. this was not something he felt any enjoyment in doing; it was one hundred percent to trigger a mental breakdown… and it did!! he was EXTREMELY distressed! 

things involving making himself lose control of his bodily fluids contribute heavily to the humiliation and he does them sparingly just because of how permeating the shame he feels over it is- it follows him even outside of his…. activities. i do need to stress that he does NOT have a humiliation kink, he does this solely to torture himself

anyway if izaya ever entered into a hatefucking relationship with shizuo, he would one hundred percent lie about what his limits were in order to get shizuo to hurt him!

its 1 am. are you happy??? i slave away on a hot keyboard for what?? scat. you BETTER give this notes or i am Going to burn tumblr hq down

What's the headcanon???

i warned you. i warned all of you.

the headcanon is: izaya is a sex addict who uses masturbation as a replacement for connection and affection. he also uses sex as a strange way to self-harm, partaking in things like painplay and orgasm denial not because he finds pleasure in pain but to torture himself for various reasons- the reasons vary day by day. i honestly doubt even izaya knows WHY he's so drawn to it- he juse feels the urge to hurt himself, so he does.

hes not a "traditional" self harmer in that he doesnt cut or burn himself or do anything that leaves scarring, but he does warp random things that arent used as self-harm to BE self harm. i also headcanon he partakes in emotional self-harm, and he likes to tell himself that its not actually self-harm, but deep down he knows it is

anyway coming back from the self-harm derail, yeah. that's the headcanon. he partakes in a surprising amount of hardcore fetish stuff on his own; some of it he genuinley does like but he intentionally pushes himself way past his limits (way past the limits of any sane individual tbh,) and some of it he has no interest in OR actively dislikes, but still does it because hes as addicted to his own misery as he is to the masturbation itself.