#anyone who hates on simon needs to self reflect

[misfithive]

What Simon can teach us about boundaries!

Been seeing a lot of Simon hate again lately (mostly on other apps but i’m sure its here too) and it's getting pretty frustrating and honestly a little bit troubling that people think so little of Simon and his needs.

Simon hate feels like some weird connection to the patriarchy/heteronormativity where some people have just decided that it is okay for one person's needs to be ignored in a relationship in order to satisfy the other. Lisa seemed to intentionally try and create a dynamic in their relationship where they see each other as equals. They may struggle to see each others perspectives at times but that is true for literally ANY RELATIONSHIP where two people come together from different walks of life. Both their needs matter and their journey in the relationship is to figure out how to honor the other persons needs while honoring themselves or see if that is even possible.

Sooo I wanted to share some lessons about boundaries that people could learn through Simon instead of talking sh!t about him !!!

1. Boundaries are about what we want and need in a relationship. Sometimes people want different things and thats ok!

People love to say that Simon forced Wilhelm to come out. I even saw someone say that Simon was asking Wilhelm to "give up his family and the throne". No where does Simon ask him to do any of those things. Notice how Simon says "I don't want to be anyones secret"? This is not just about Wille. This is a boundary that he has for himself and the types of relationships that he wants to have. Everyone is allowed to have expectations or want a certain type of relationship. Saying you don’t want to be in a secret relationship is quite a reasonable request. It is also quite reasonable to say that you don't want to be in a public relationship. Sometimes in relationships, what two people need is incompatible at the time which is why it made sense for them to end things. That is the point- for both people to say what they need to feel comfortable and sometimes other people cannot meet your needs- you have to decide if that is a dealbreaker and for Simon at the time it was.

2. Boundaries ≠ manipulation

He tells Wilhelm he take as much time as he needs but you have to do it alone. That is a boundary it is NOT manipulation. He does not try to control Wilhelm or tell Wilhelm what to do. Saying a relationship wont work for you unless certain needs are met or that you dont want to do tons of emotional labor for another person is not manipulation. He is saying I am not okay with being a secret, I am not okay with having my trust broken, i’m not okay with being in a relationship where you say one thing and do another (Wilhelm made a promise he could not keep and even he has owned up to that to Nils). Simon is not saying YOU HAVE TO COME OUT RIGHT NOW OR ELSE. He is not playing mind games or trying to get Wilhelm to change his mind in order to be with him. He is willing to walk away even tho his heart is breaking because he knows it is not possible at that point for Wille and him to get on the same page.

Boundaries have become part of social media language lately thanks to instagram therapists and the like but a lot of people have misconstrued the meaning. Some people call something a boundary when they are actually being controlling. However the purpose of a boundary is about what you yourself are comfortable with, not what other people can/cannot do. Ex: “i am okay with holding hands in public but otherwise I don’t feel comfortable with PDA” (healthy boundary). Vs “you can’t have guy friends because I get jealous” (unhealthy boundary). Boundaries are healthy and necessary for a relationship to be healthy- they are not the same as manipulation or trying to control someone else.

3. What is okay for you does not have to be okay for someone else. Everyone’s boundaries are different because we are all different people with different traumas, needs, experiences, relationships, and limits. I have seen people compare the Wilmon to Narlie where Charlie is okay with Nick wanting to keep things “secret”. Besides the fact that this is a completely different relationship and context, the fun thing about boundaries is that what is okay for you does not have to be okay for someone else! Just because you would have been willing to be Wilhelm’s secret if he asked does not mean that Simon has to. Just because Charlie was willing to to do that for Nick does not mean that Simon has to. Not to mention !!! Nick also acknowledged that is not fair to Charlie and outside of not telling people they had a very loving smooth sailing relationship - people expect Simon to be like Charlie without acknowledging that Wilhelm is not giving the level of trust and security that Nick is. If you want to go there, I'm sure if Wille was acting like Nick being consistent not saying "i'm not like that", "delete my number" etc (regardless of the reason) then maybe Simon would have been more okay with it. This is not Wille hate bc i get it, but sometimes in empathizing with Wille people forget that Simon is a whole human with wants and needs. Simon needs to protect himself and his heart. We all do. Relationships should not require you to subject yourself to pain for someone else. It is healthy to have boundaries and know your needs and what you deserve. And at that point in time Wille could not give him that. Most people watching were quite proud of Simon for that so idk how the narrative got turned to him being selfish.

4. Boundaries can change

It is normal to reassess your boundaries, that does not make them any less valid. Clearly for Simon, once Wilhelm proved his trust more and and Simon reevaluated what he wanted, he decided that he was willing to be a secret if that meant having each other. If he never decided that, it still would have been totally valid. Also noting, there was no compromise/meet in the middle there in Simon deciding that he was willing to be a secret for Wille. It's just funny that Simon is getting the flack for not wanting to "compromise" or meet in the middle when in the end, Simon was willing to do exactly what Wille wanted and he gets ZERO credit from some people for that. Luckily Wilhelm sees what a sacrifice this is for Simon and does not leave Simon to sacrifice alone.

4. Boundaries protect the relationship, build trust and help relationships grow

If Simon had never stood his ground both in s1e6 and throughout s2 Wille would have likely continued the way he was going bc it was comfortable for him and he was understandably scared. They probably would have gotten in even more arguments and honestly i do not think Wille would have been forced to mature and consider Simons feelings in the way he eventually did. I know people resist Edvin calling Wille selfish but Simon has to constantly keep telling Wille “what about me? What about my family? Do you see how hard this is for me?” For some reason viewers are interpreting that as selfish ?? In a relationship you really should not have to be constantly reminding someone to consider you and your feelings.

Simon setting boundaries and saying what he wanted only made their relationship stronger even tho they had to take some time apart. Protecting yourself and wanting a healthy balanced relationship where your needs are considered as much as the other person’s is not selfish. And anyone who tells you that it is does not have your best intentions at heart. Simon is not saying his needs are MORE important than Wille’s he is saying that his needs matter TOO and are EQUALLY IMPORTANT to Wille’s. Which was the journey he needed to go on (as stated by his sister) and the journey that Wille needed to go on as well in order to create a healthy dynamic together.

Setting boundaries is hard but worth it in the end!!!

So yeah! I hope you all set some boundaries today or use this info to argue with simon antis 💖

—————-

Disclaimer// I am not a therapist i just do workshops with teens about healthy relationships and it is a passion of mine.

[qtboni]

helloo boniiii (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) i hope ur doing okay todayyyy i saw that you hve ur reqs open and i have an idea!

the way chubby!reader is insecure of how she looks and Simon notices it and comforts her? bye sorry im like so bad at explaining but what would Simon do?

HELLO, BABI ! omg u got me there. im one of those peeps who gets so insecure easily 😔 and really, i want a husband like simon who can comfort me in bad times 😭 thank you for requesting this !!

╰﹒ 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 !

PAIRING: Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Chubby!Reader

OVERVIEW: Simon reassures your insecurities with loving words, and you are overwhelmed with emotions, as he makes you realize the beauty in yourself that you can't see.

C/W: Hurt/comfort! body image issues, insecurities, mentions of body dysmorphia, intimate partner relationship (emotional support), reader expressing emotions and processing trauma, reader struggles with feelings of self-worth.

Simon's car doors shut with a loud thud, echoing through the garage and signaling his departure. A small sense of relief washed over you, knowing that you would have the whole day to yourself.

No more needing to pretend to be okay when you weren't. You slowly made your way to the bathroom and leaned towards the mirror. As you gazed into your reflection, the harsh lights amplified every imperfection.

'I hate how I look,' you thought to yourself as you gazed into the mirror. Every day, you spent too long in the restroom, staring at your reflection, trying to figure out what was wrong with yourself.

Your shoulders were too wide, tummy too fat, and your cheeks were getting fuller by the day. It also doesn't help that your legs look so big on you and the way your thighs would touch together quite so much. You felt gross and ugly, and it seemed like nothing you did could make a difference.

You sighed as you cupped your cheeks, pretending to pull them behind your face. You longed to be slim and thin, or at the very least, pretty. But no matter how hard you tried, it seemed like you were doomed to be the ugly duckling for the rest of your life.

"Why did I let myself get this way?" you wondered.

Tears started to fall from your eyes as your self-pity reached new heights. You didn't understand why everyone else seemed to have it all figured out, while you were stuck here, hating yourself more and more each day.

You wondered if you would ever be able to accept yourself for who you are, or if you would forever be doomed to feel inferior to everyone around you. It was a painful feeling, and one that you struggled with every single day.

Your eyes slowly shifted towards the mirror in the restroom again, and you let out a heavy sigh. Without even really thinking, you started to pinch and pull at your skin. Your fingers zeroed in on your thighs and you frowned, unable to help but focus on the parts of your body that you didn't like.

Your hand then moved to your midsection, and you stared at your reflection in the mirror, feeling defeated. You wanted to look different, you wanted to look like the pretty girls in the magazines and on social media.

You wanted to be beautiful.

Tears started forming in your eyes again, and you brushed them away before your sobs could come after. You didn't want anyone to see you like this - didn't want Simon to see. You didn't want him to know how much you hated yourself. But it was a constant struggle, and one that you fought every single day.

You pinched the fat on your stomach, pulling it from side to side and watching as it jiggled.

"Why can't I just look normal?" you asked yourself, your voice cracking.

You moved on to your thighs, pinching the flesh that had been collecting there over the past few months.

"I look gross," you said to yourself, voice barely above a whisper. "I hate.. my body."

Tears started to pool in your eyes as you began to pull at your cheeks and the edges of your mouth, trying to pull them back to make yourself look thinner.

"I just can't stand looking like this," you said to yourself again and again, your voice catching in your throat.

But no matter how much you pinched and pulled, you couldn't make yourself look the way you wanted. The image in the mirror still looked like you – tired, fat, and flawed. You turned away from the mirror, feeling defeated and alone.

You wanted so badly to be able to pull the fat away and make your face look the way you wanted. In your mind's eye, you imagined how much better you would look if you could just lose a few pounds, if your stomach wasn't so rounded, if your thighs weren't so thick.

But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't seem to make a single inch of difference. The cycle of self-doubt and self-loathing was never-ending, and it seemed like you were doomed to remain trapped in your own head, unable to break free.

But then you looked down at the sink, and saw your reflection in the water, distorted and warped. You realized that in trying to fix your flaws, you had only made them worse. Your self-imposed torture was only making you hate yourself more.

It seemed like an eternity before you calmed down, your breathing slowing to a normal pace once again. However, you were still on the brink of tears.

What if Simon saw you like this? Would he still love you?

But you knew that Simon was more than just a pretty face. He was kind and gentle, and he accepted you for who you were, imperfections and all. As you stood in front of the mirror, you then stared at your reflection with a mix of sadness and frustration.

Your heart sank at the sound of a knock, and you quickly dried your tears. Then, your heart raced as your tried to compose yourself. You knew it was Simon – your husband, and the one person who understood you the most. You guys had been through a lot together, and you knew you could count on him to make everything better.

"I'm coming!" you called out, your voice shaky. You took a deep breath and smoothed down your clothes before making your way to the door.

As you opened it slowly, you saw Simon standing there, a sympathetic look on his face.

"Hey," Simon said softly, his voice full of compassion. He walked in and gave you a hug, as if he knew exactly what you needed. You hugged him back, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. You knew that Simon would always be there for you, no matter what.

"Hi," You let out a deep sigh and rested your head on his shoulder. "You're back early?"

Simon's warm embrace was exactly what you needed. You felt your body loosen up and your heart start to calm down as you let out another slow, deep breath.

You felt him nodded against your shoulder. "Yeah, my plans got canceled," he said softly, rubbing your back in a soothing motion.

You leaned into his embrace, humming a reply, feeling a sense of comfort. You needed this, you thought to yourself. You needed someone to remind you that you weren't alone, and that there were people in your life who cared about you – people who loved you just the way you are.

Despite your best efforts to hide your feelings, it was obvious that something was wrong. Simon squeezed your shoulder gently, as if he could sense what you were thinking. He knew that you were going through a tough time, but he also knew that you needed someone to talk to – someone who would listen and understand without judgment.

You took another breath, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. You were grateful for Simon. Grateful that he was in your life, and that he was there for you when you needed him the most.

"Is something wrong?" Simon asked, his tone soft and gentle.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond. You didn't want to appear weak or needy, but you also didn't know how to hide your emotions from Simon.

"Love?"

Finally, you replied, "I'm just having a bad day. It's nothing you need to worry about."

"But.. I am worried," Simon said, his voice filled with concern. He pulled away from the hug to look at you. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I.." You sighed, feeling the weight of your insecurity and self-hatred bearing down on you. "I don't know, Simon. I just feel like I'm not good enough. Like I don't measure up."

"What do you mean?" he asked, the confusion on his face evident.

You looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes. "I, um, hate the way I look, I guess," you replied, trying to convey the depth of your dislike for yourself without stating it outright. You didn't want to burden him with the full extent of your self-loathing.

You watched as Simon's expression changed, going from confusion to concern. You sighed, knowing you had to be careful with your words. "It's just... I hate my body," you finally managed, your voice barely above a whisper.

Simon's eyes widened slightly, and you could tell he was beginning to understand.

"Oh, baby," he said softly. "You're beautiful, inside and out. I know it's hard, but try not to focus so much on how you look. There's so much more to you than that."

Simon leaned closer to you, his hand reaching out to hold your waist and the other at your chin. You looked up at Simon, grateful for his understanding and compassion.

"I know, but it's just so hard sometimes," you replied, your voice breaking again.

Simon pulled you into a hug, holding you close. "I know, love. But you're not alone. I'm here for you. You're not defined by your appearance. You're a kind, caring person, with so much to offer the world. Why'd you think I chose to marry you?"

You clung to Simon for a moment, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the love he held for you.

"My love," he continued, brushing a stray hair from your face to tuck in your ear. "You are more than enough. You are an amazing person, inside and out. I'm not just saying that. It's the truth. Understand, baby? The truth."

"I ... I can't do this," you choked as your sobs echoed the bathroom. It was all too much. It's as if you don't deserve all of his compliments to your body.

Simon took you into his arms, holding you close and rubbing your back soothingly. "Tell me, baby," he asked, his voice full of concern. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

You took a deep breath and hesitantly told him everything – about your insecurities, about how you never felt good enough, about how you hated how you looked like.

You leaned into Simon's embrace, seeking the warmth and comfort of his presence surrounding you. You close your eyes, trying to gather your thoughts and put them into words.

"It's just... I can't stop comparing myself to other people," you said finally, voice low and strained. "And every time I look at myself in the mirror, I just see all the things that are wrong with me. I can't seem to love myself, no matter how hard I try."

Simon squeezed your back, listening to you attentively.

"I know you mean well, Simon, but it's just so hard sometimes," you said, your voice still low and emotional. "I feel like everyone's always staring at me and judging me, especially when I wear something that shows off my body."

Simon's hand stroked your hair, trying to soothe your frazzled nerves. "You're beautiful, baby. And no one has the right to make you feel otherwise." He paused, his voice full of quiet intensity. "If anyone says anything to you, I'll deal with them, I promise."

Despite feeling down, you find yourself chuckling with tears in your eyes. His jokes were just so random and out of place, but you appreciated it nonetheless. Simon's voice was gentle and comforting as he pulled you closer to the hug, swaying your bodies in a slow, rhythmic motion.

"Tell me, pretty baby," he whispered, his eyes locked onto yours. "What's eating away at you?"

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your courage before you answered. "Well, it's my cheeks firstly," you said quietly, voice shaking slightly. "They're too huge.."

Simon's arms tightened around you, his voice filled with compassion. He leaned away from the hug and cupped your cheeks together. "Huge? Really, baby?" he asked.

"Yes, really..." You leaned into his embrace again, feeling the warmth of Simon and the love he held for you.

"Pretty baby," He said, cupping your cheeks again together. "I love these chubby cheeks you have. It makes you look like a hamster and god, you look so cute with them, don't you know that?"

"But everyone else has a perfect appearance," you said, voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like I'll never be able to measure up."

Simon's eyes closed for a moment, as if he were searching for the right words to say. "You don't have to compare yourself to anyone else," he said finally, his voice fierce. "You're perfect just the way you are, my love. And I'll always be here to remind you of that."

Simon then kissed both of your cheeks affectionately and you feel tears welling up in your eyes again. He asks, "Do you have any more?"

You sighed. "What about my hips and thighs?" You continued, voice shaky with insecurity. "They're too big, too curvy. I'll never be able to wear the things I want to wear."

Simon's face softened even more as he listened to your words, his eyes full of understanding.

"Sweet baby," He coos at you and carefully places both of his hands onto your waist. "Your hips and thighs are a part of you, and they're beautiful. Nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. Your curves are beautiful and I love how it fits well in my hands when I hold them to touch you."

Your tears wouldn't stop running down.

"They're my love handles from you, my love," He added and it had struck a chord in your heart. You felt a weight lifted off your shoulders. His words had been like a balm to your soul, and you leaned into his embrace more, feeling a sense of peace and comfort wash over you.

Your tears continued to fall, but they were no longer those of sadness and insecurity. They were tears of gratitude, for having found someone who truly valued and loved you for who you are – curves and all.

You looked up at Simon, your eyes shimmering with a mix of joy and gratitude. "Thank you, Si’," you whispered, sniffing as you do so.

Simon stroked your cheek gently, his eyes full of love and affection. "You're welcome, baby. Fuck, I love you so much. Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

Simon's words hit you like a ton of bricks, lifting a weight you didn't even realize was there off of your shoulders.

"I love you too, Si'." You replied and rested your head on his shoulder, softly breathing in your choked sobs.

"I just want to love myself like how you love me." You cried into his embrace, all of the pain and insecurity you'd carried with you for so long finally coming to a head.

"I believe in you, love," Simon replied, his voice filled with conviction. "You're strong and capable and beautiful, inside and out. You don't need anyone else's approval to be those things. And I promise, I'll always be here to remind you of who you truly are."

You felt his arms tighten around you, his embrace warming you from the inside out. His words of encouragement filled you with a newfound sense of confidence, and you felt a sense of hope rising within you.

As Simon's words registered with you, you felt the weight of the tears rolling down your cheeks like an onslaught. You had been carrying the burden of your insecurities for so long, and the idea of someone else understanding what you were going through, and even accepting you for who you are, made you feel like maybe there was still hope.

Simon's embrace grew even tighter as he held you, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took. You could feel the comfort and warmth exuding from his body, and it made you feel like you were at home.

"Thank you," you said, nuzzling into his neck further. "I don't know what I would do without you, Si'"

"You'll never have to find out," Simon replied, his voice full of determination. "I'll be here for you, always. You're not alone, love. We'll face your insecurities together."

With those words and a kiss to your shoulder, you felt a sense of peace and acceptance wash over yourself. You knew that, with Simon on your side, you could get through anything, even your own perceived flaws and imperfections.

You leaned into his embrace more, feeling safe and loved for the first time in what felt like forever.

A/N: what the fuck. this made me cry again holy shit this rlly hit a nerve inside. what have u done to me anon !! jk i love this <//3

and to anyone who related to this, if you're feeling insecure about your body and struggling with body image issues, it's important to remember that you are so much more than your appearance. Everyone has their own unique features and qualities that make them special and valuable. Try to focus on your positive traits, both inside and out :) Surround yourself with supportive people who see you for who you truly are and appreciate you for all that you are. Remember that it's okay to have days where you don't feel your best, but try to be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal and grow <//3

Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who care about you and can help you through this difficult time !! It might be helpful to seek professional help or support groups if you feel like you're struggling. Ultimately, remember that your worth as a person is not tied to your appearance or weight. You are so much more than your exterior and deserve love and kindness no matter what. <//3

[thatbadadvice]

Help! I'm Making A Weirdly Big Deal Out Of A Thing That I Think Is No Big Deal So Why Does It Have To Be Such A Big Deal, It's Honestly Not That Big Of A Deal, So Everyone Should Just Do What I Say Because Why Do They Care About This So Much Like It's Some Kind Of Big Deal, It's Functionally Meaningless, That's Why I Must Have My Way Or Else, Stop Overreacting!!!!!

Care And Feeding, Slate, 31 October 2021:

Dear Care and Feeding,

My tween has requested they/them pronouns and a new name. We are changing our habits on the pronouns, but we haven’t gone along with the name change. Though their first name is stereotypically feminine, we more often use the shorter stereotypically masculine form (think Samantha to Sam). Their middle name is gender ambiguous. These names were chosen with much love following a family/cultural naming tradition. While we are supportive of using any version of these given names to reflect our child’s gender, we aren’t on board with a name change. We will not call Sam(antha) Simon, Stevie or Susie. Is this so wrong?

—What’s in a Name?

Dear What's In A Name?

I can't think of any family tradition more important than making sure children know that they are beholden to the whims of their parents forever, and that they must never be allowed to assert themselves or self-advocate in any way that does not entirely comport with their parents' personal preferences. After all, it was your child's decision to be born to you personally, and now here they come tap-dancing into the world as a full-on independent human as if they didn't specifically ask Baby Jesus to assign them to you! They had every opportunity to choose to be born to any other family on earth, but they didn't, and so now they've thereby agreed to have every part of their identity dictated by you, indefinitely and without even the mildest opposition.

The last thing you want is your child growing up to be a self-assured, independent human who knows their own mind and can ensure that their needs are met on planet earth! That's not what parenting is all about! You lovingly gave them a name and you will lovingly use it at them no matter how much they hate it, lovingly!

Anyway, you said it yourself: what's in a name?? It's such a tiny, piddly thing — since it doesn't matter at all, and it's practically not even worth caring about not even a little bit, and it really is just wholly inconsequential, it's genuinely just downright silly that anyone cares all that much about what they're called, like truly, who could even be bothered? Not you, that's for sure! That's why you can only call your kid one of two names that you came up with a decade ago and nothing else ever no matter what!

What could be more loving than honoring your child's name and pronouns? Why, forcing your child to use the name you gave them because your personal preference is more important than your child having the core of their identity respected by the most important people in their life, of course! Nothing wrong with that! Stay strong in your convictions, and you will enjoy many great opportunities to call your child by the name you gave them in the coming years — to their voicemail, to their email "spam" folder, and in text messages to phone numbers they no longer use.

[nitw]

book 3′s theme of growing up vs escapism, and what that says about grace and simon’s fates

infinity train book 3 is as much about empathy and morality as it is about maturity. grace and simon deal with the same obstacles in very different ways, and with the last 2 episodes coming out soon, i wanna make an analysis of what we’ve seen so far, and how that might correlate to the ending of each of their arcs. this is gonna be a LOOOOONG post.

the way the first episode opens up blows my mind every time i watch it. implementing the “when i look at you, i see me” song jesse mentioned in book 2, which is all about accepting each other’s differences, in contrast to the chaos of the apex onscreen? amazing. keep in mind that this was a kids’ song that jesse was taught in school, which makes it even better/worse considering the apex is full of small children.

this is where we get our first proper looks at grace and simon this season. let’s talk about grace first:

grace herself was probably the one who turned the fitting room into her personal throne. she dances around cheerfully as she gears up for her mission. it’s already obvious at this point that grace has quite the superiority complex, but to quote the cat much later on; “she’s very full of herself”.

we get a deeper insight on this in episode 3, when she talks to hazel about her loneliness due to difficulty making friends as a kid.

grace tends to pin the blame on others for her problems to ignore how insecure she really feels, which is likely one of the reasons she ended up on the train, and leading the apex sure didn’t help.

she’s also shown to be very manipulative. she’s a smooth talker who knows how to twist her words to make her seem more trustworthy, and can be very controlling of others to get what she wants. as the leader of the apex, she’s learned how to talk to kids, especially.

now let’s get to simon. THESE are the first shots we see of him:

in contrast to grace sitting proudly in her throne room under spotlights, simon spends his time alone in a small, poorly lit toy store which he’s revamped into a workshop for his miniature figures.

this whole opening sequence shows us, in a short amount of time and without dialogue, how different grace and simon really are. initially, grace feels on top of the world and wants everyone else to view her like that too. while simon isolates himself from the apex to focus on his own little hobbies when he’s not going on missions. he doesn’t feel the need to flaunt himself, because he doesn’t have the highest number and he’s not the leader, that’s grace. their individual surroundings paint a good picture of how they feel about themselves.

so what is there to say about simon? for starters, he’s very hot-headed and loses his temper easily when things don’t go his way...

... he has major trust/abandonment issues...

... and he collects miniatures.

why is that last part important? because from the very first shot of him and then several times throughout the season, simon is painted as the more immature and childlike of the duo.

let’s get a few things straight:

grace and simon are both 18 years old, the oldest members of the apex. 18 is usually considered the confusing midpoint of adolescence, not REALLY a kid anymore but not REALLY an adult just yet. but according to themselves, they don’t feel like adults (”never trust an adult passenger”).

they both arrived on the train when they were around 10, aka they’ve been stuck here for roughly 8 years.

IN those years, they’ve been totally misguided and didn’t know the true purpose of the train, which led them to their “this is our personal playground, and if you don’t play along, you’re weak” mentality. this is why they don’t trust denizens/nulls, they don’t see them as anything other than toys.

what i’ve talked about so far is pretty much how we’re introduced to the two: one has a superiority complex, the other has an inferiority complex, but they’re both equally willing players in the apex’s childish game of chaos and destruction.

... and then hazel and tuba happens.

this is in the second episode. what’s the first thing grace does when she initially meets the two? she acknowledges hazel’s bond with tuba and greets them both, despite her dislike towards nulls. she knows she’s good with kids and uses this to her advantage, because she doesn’t want to lose a potential addition to the apex, but the point is that she treats tuba with respect out of consideration for hazel.

meanwhile, in comparison, simon wants absolutely nothing to do with tuba. he doesn’t speak to her once in this scene and only comments on it to grace. the only thing holding him back from fighting tuba is his fear of losing.

this conflict goes on between them for several episodes. grace wants to get rid of tuba as much as simon, but she wants to take the most harmless approach possible for the sake of hazel’s feelings, while simon couldn’t care less about anyone’s feelings but his own:

but as grace naturally begins to question everything she thought she knew, and grows fond of both hazel AND tuba...

... simon becomes more frustrated and impatient, and lets his blind rage overpower him.

and simon knows this.

aside from fear of abandonment, there’s nothing he fears and hates more than being underestimated.

being looked down upon.

being ignored.

being treated like a child.

every season of infinity train is about change, personal development and self-reflection. book 3 is the season of coming to terms with adulthood and maturity, and this goes for both grace AND simon. they’re just on opposite ends of the scale.

grace’s number is high. it’ll take a long time before she manages to leave the train. but she’s made an active decision to be the bigger person, to open up to and trust even what she doesn’t fully understand. and now she’s finally headed in the right direction.

simon isn’t stuck on square 1. he’s falling further and further behind, because he’s too stubborn to grow up and accept the reality of his circumstances.

this show doesn’t really have any heroes, because the goal of our protagonists is to save themselves. but simon is too self-destructive AND destructive towards others, and the path he’s taken is leading him to the closest thing we have to a villain...

... and the events of the most recent episode may have been the last straw.

[ask-mirror-and-prime-simon]

The Mirror Car II

Summary: A familiar face implores Simon to confront his feelings

A/N: None

Chapter: 3/?

Word Count: 1.9k

Warning: Implied suicidal thoughts/Self hatred

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey...are you okay?"

His eyes burned as he forced them open,face still warm and bright red. "What do you think?"

"Simon...I'm sorry..."

"Stop it"

The other looked to him with confusion. "Huh?"

"Stop it" Simon repeated. "Stop apologizing,its annoying"

"But I made you upset,even if I did get mad I shouldn't have taken it out on you"

"You're so patronizing,you know that?" The boy said. "Stop acting like you're better than me"

"I'm not trying to" He attempted to explain. "I'm just saying sorry"

"Then stop saying it in my voice!" His prime snapped. "I can take dealing with nulls that want to fight back but I'm not letting you mock me"

"I'm not mocking you!" The other insisted. "I can't help sounding like you or looking like you,I was just born like this"

"Then I'll make you!" He lunged towards the other,right hand ready to grab him by the hair while the left reached for the glass shard. His knuckles were first to hit the reflective surface,the boy letting out a pained hiss before shooting him a glare. "Get out of there and fight me!"

"I don't want to fight you!" The reflection shouted. "Just please talk to me! I can help fix everything,just-"

Simon swung his leg forth,kicking the cube by his side with as much force as he could muster. His foot ached from the harsh slam against the chrome but he dare not stop. He continued to swing and kick with frustrated grunts,hoping that eventually he would knock that sorrowful look off the douple-gangers face. Yet each time he pulled away all he saw was himself,arms shielding his face with a look of fear in his eyes. The sight was enough to make his blood boil.

"Stop it!" The other begged with a cracked voice,scared that the barrier could somehow break. "Just listen to me! I want to fix everything too!"

Simon froze,foot hovering over where the other's face would be. "What?"

"I want to find Grace," He said. "I want to find her so we can start over but be better"

"Why would I want to get better if I was never wrong to begin with?" Simon asked. "You're just as brainwashed as she was"

"You know you were wrong" His reflection said. "If...If you really did think you were right you wouldn't be here"

The passenger grew a sneer,hands curled into a fist. "I'm here to find Grace and take her home. She's been in that projection thing long enough to be back to normal"

"But you don't want to leave her there" His reflection began. "And I know this has been eating you up since then. I felt everything you did when it happened and I know you felt something"

He slammed his fist into the wall,looking to the other with rage. "You don't know anything!"

The other flinched,Simon leaning in closer. "You don't know what we've been through together,you don't know how much it hurt knowing she picked that null over someone she knew for ten years,YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS KNOWING EVERYTHING WAS A LIE!"

Tears welled in the corner of his Prime's eyes,the mirror boy slowly reaching out for him. "Simon..."

His face grew red,the corners of his sneer twitching as he struggled to keep from sobbing. "We've been together for ten years...the Apex wasn't just some after school group we made. Leading it by her side...I just...I felt like I had a purpose. I actually meant something here"

"You are here for a reason" His reflection reminded him softly. "You're here to get better and heal"

"From what?" The boy questioned. "Coming here was the best thing to ever happen to me and you want me to give everything up just because some old woman said I had to?"

"Well,Grace tried to"

"And look where she is now"

There was a moment of silence,the passenger wiping the tears from his eyes. The chrome boy laid back against the barrier,listening to his sniffling. "I just thought...I thought you'd get better after hearing everything."

"Hear what? That I'm the worst,most worthless person alive and I should rot away?" The boy let out a weak chuckle. "Yeah,I really needed to hear that"

"I never said that" His reflection quickly responded. "What I'm saying is..." He took a deep breath,leaning against the barrier separating their worlds. "You messed up,but you can still fix it"

"How?" Simon asked,defeat in his tone. "I can't just go back and pretend nothing happened. What if...what if she hates me?"

"I mean..." He hesitated a moment before looking away. "I wouldn't blame her,we deserve it"

“Stop acting like you did anything '' Simon half heartedly demanded.

"But I'm a part of you and you-"

"You are NOT a part of me" He quickly said. "You're just - just a stupid,stupid null that's making me say dumb shit"

"I'm..." He hesitated,brushing aside the idea of correcting him. "But you said all of this to me,maybe you can say it to her"

"As if she'd let me," The Prime said bitterly.

"Well...maybe I can do it"

Simon raised an eyebrow,looking to him. "What?"

"You said I didn't do anything right?" He asked. "I know you're scared to say this to her,so what if I tell her for you?"

"Why would she listen to you?" He shot back. "You're just a null"

"She listened to Hazel," The other reminded him. "I know I don't mean as much as you did to anyone,but maybe she'll listen to me"

"And how are you going to talk to her huh?" Simon folded his arms,an annoyed look in his eye. "You can't even get out to fight me"

"I know how but...but we'll have to switch places. Only one of us can go,” he explained nervously.

The other held back a laugh,a twisted grin peaking through in its place. As if he'd let a null trick him into another sort of trap. Just as he thought,they could never be trusted. What a waste of time. "Wow,I can't believe I almost let you trick me"

"I'm not trying to trick you!" His reflection said in a panic. Damn it,he was so close to actually letting him acknowledge the long list of screw ups. "I'm trying to help you,I promise"

"Nice try null" His smile quickly fell,the boy pressing his hand against the chrome. "Tell anyone about anything I said and I'll kill both of us"

He began to stand,heading back towards the door. The reflection stood with terrified tears in his wide eyes. No,he could still change! He believed him,if only he'd just listen! "WAIT!"

He reached for his Prime,their palms finally touching save for the thin chrome barrier. His feet were slowly lifted off the ground,the world spinning with him as he let out a scream. Just as fast as the spinning had started it stopped,the boy left shakily standing.

The reflection nervously looked around,trying to make sense of what had just happened. The air felt different somehow,more fresh and cold on his metal skin. A sudden feeling burst in his chest,a shaky hand placing a hand over the area.

A heartbeat

His eyes grew wide at the sudden revelation. He was out,finally free. Tears welled in his eyes,falling like rain drops as he looked at his own reflection in his palms. "I...I'm real"

"HEY!"

His happiness was short lived,the boy looking below him to find the other banging on the chrome floors. He hurled profanities at him,fighting to return to the other side.

"Simon!" He immediately fell to his knees,eyes full of worry. "Are you okay?"

"YOU TRICKED ME!"

The once reflection flinched,a wince on his face. "I-I didn't mean to-"

"YOU LIAR!" The other yelled. "I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED YOU! YOU NULLS ARE ALL THE SAME! YOU'RE ALL JUST THE WORST!"

The boy's face grew warm,another brand new feeling,finally shouting. "You wouldn't be in there if you just listened!"

"I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO ANYONE!"

"You should've listened to Grace!"

Simon tensed,sneer frozen on his face.

"This never would've happened if you just listened!"

The other opened his mouth to find any sort of retort,words sharp as a blade to destroy the person who dared make him spill such raw emotions. No,he's a liar just like everyone else,how could he lie to himself and say he felt sorry about doing the right thing? All he'd have to do was wake Grace up and go back home and pretend nothing ever happened.

But...could he even do that now?

"What if...what if she hates me?"

He grit his teeth,body trembling as his eyes grew watery. All he could imagine was the girl he loved so much waking from her torturous nightmare and staring at him. Her usually kind eyes would hold nothing but malice,betrayal even as she looked at him with unfiltered disgust.

"I hate you" She would shout between sobs. "I'd rather die than have anything to do with you!"

Warm tears rolled down his cheeks,lowering his head so the other couldn't see the pain only his dearest friend had ever witnessed. His entire body shook,breathing heavy as he held back a sob.

"Simon..."

"Just get out," He choked. "Get out and leave me to die"

The other remained silent,anger melting back into concern. He debated on whether or not to switch back,a part of him knowing exactly where he would walk straight to first,flesh torn in the train wheels.

"I'll come back for you" He said softly. "I'll fix everything and come back,I promise"

"Go away..."

Reluctantly he sat up,feeling something sharp under his palm. He lifted his hand,finding the glass shard lovingly handed to him by the young Lucy. By the looks of it,it was probably best to keep anything sharp as far away from his Prime as possible.

He quickly tucked it in his sock,glass pressing against his ankle. With that he stood,giving the boy one last glance before opening the dark wood door.

The air was fresh,whipping his metal hair back. With a deep breath he stepped outside,fully expecting to be pulled right back in.

Nothing.

For the first time he stood with both feet out the door,entire body free from the shackles of the mirror world. He watched the world around him,the train even bigger than he could ever imagine. So many cars,so many new worlds full of life that he could only dream of seeing before.

He stepped forward,flinching once he caught sight of the spinning wheels. No - it's fine - Simon’s in the chrome car and Grace wouldn’t hurt any denizen after the brief moment of happiness she had with Hazel. It's...It's fine. Everything’s fine.

In the wheel he caught a glimpse of himself. That face...the longer he looked the more his stomach churned.

Careful hands undid the small ponytail,blond hair falling to his shoulders. He reached for the hem of his sweater,pulling the article up and over until it was off and crumpled into a hasty clump of fabric and twine. Shaky arms held the ball of old belongings over the railing,eyes shut tight. No more wheeling,not after this.

The boy let the elastic fall,band snapping as the fabric ripped under the wheels into scraps and thread. He hesitantly opened an eye,looking to his reflection once more. It was a start at least.

He turned back to the bridge,continuing the long walk onwards. What lay ahead,even he wasn’t entirely sure. What he did know was one thing,he was going to fix whatever mess was left behind by his Prime. It didn’t matter how long it would take,just so long as no one else had to suffer anymore.

[palimpsessed]

So @captain-aralias​ did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

[brabe]

WHAT IF... MURATA UGETSU HAS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

“Murata Ugetsu was by no means detached from life- nor was he free of worries and grief, he had feelings too- the same as anyone else... But, unlike ordinary people, his heart and his emotions were overflowing.

While I listened to Ugetsu’s music that day—to the sudden flood of music-feeling that was amplified so many times more than usual, I found myself wondering — how... just how was this child prodigy able to live...?

Be it joy, or sorrow, or suffering, Ugetsu lived with feelings which were much more complex, and exponentially larger than those of ordinary people- just accumulating it all within himself.” (Chapter 17)

Murata Ugetsu’s introduction struck a chord with me right away because I recognized the feelings described all too well. So, I asked myself, what if?

 After finishing the anime, I read all the chapters of the manga mainly because I wanted to know more about this intriguing character, and I only kept finding clues that reinforced my initial assumption.

 I am hyperfixated on mental health issues, in part wanting to find characters to relate to, so here is my reading of Murata Ugetsu. I wonder if anyone came to the same conclusion as me.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behaviour. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships with other people. A person with borderline personality disorder may experience episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from a few hours to days. In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how they think, perceive, feel or relate to others.

“People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” (Marsha Linehan, Professof of Psicology, who has BPD herself and developed the most effective therapy to date for this disorder).

There are many categories of symptoms for this disorder and I reckon Ugetsu manifests the following:

A pattern of unstable relationships swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation):

The most glaringly obvious one is, of course, the relationship with Akihiko. 

“Right after Ugetsu has been away from home for some time, there is a honeymoon phase which lasts a few days. It’s as if we have returned to the past... And then out of the blue, it happens—as if he’s saying, yes, this is a great chance—let's take this opportunity, quit being together and break for real this time. Like he is in a rush... Like I am not needed. Like—he is forcibly shutting me out from his world.” (Chapter 19)

“Him and I... We have been causing each other nothing but despair for almost two years now.” (Chapter 17)  

It’s also notable the lack of other relationships. When Mafuyu asks him, why Ugetsu was confiding in him, even though they were virtually strangers, Ugetsu replies: “Because I don’t have any friends! Perhaps, I really just wanted someone to understand... Just a little bit is enough.” (Chapter 17)

He is actually really kind towards Mafuyu, opening his home to him, freely helping him with music anytime Mafuyu wants even though he is a world-renowned musician and even letting him practice at his house while he is not there. We know he does that because he recognizes the genius in Mafuyu, but still, I think he actually would like to have friends; he probably just doesn’t know how to. We know that Akihiko was his first friend and evidently years later still the only one close to him.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, often followed by guilt and shame:

Ugetsu gets suddenly physically violent with Akihiko two times (and a third one is implied when Haruki first saw Akihiko and he had a bruised cheekbone). He throws a glass on the floor when Mafuyu visits him because Akihiko still hasn’t come back home. He seemingly inexplicably smashes the mug Akihiko gifted him: “Around the time we had just started to live together, when he brought me my first present, somehow... I hated that very much, and I refused it saying—’I don’t want it!’ Even though it was only a mug. Back then, I should’ve just said—’I’m happy. I want to be with him.’” (Chapter 17)

I believe the last one was a dissociative episode, another symptom of BPD, a trance-like state in which one is disconnected from their own mind, body and surroundings. Then the switch turns back on and Ugetsu suddenly starts crying, crouching on the floor, staring blankly at the broken pieces and picking them up, asking himself why, just why did I do this?

The guilt and shame aspect is also shown, when after having recounted his history with Akihiko to Mafuyu, Ugetsu leans his head on the steering wheel of his car remembering everything, clearly in grief, and thinking to himself: “Really... He is a good guy, isn’t he.” (Chapter 17). Here I want to indeed praise Akihiko and underline how well he dealt with Ugetsu’s dissociative episode. He didn’t freak out and lash out at Ugetsu, calling him crazy, but instead he tried to diffuse the situation, laughing and helping Ugetsu to pick up the pieces of the broken mug. As if to say, ‘it’s okay.’

Desperate efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:  

One way of doing this is leaving the other person before they leave you, which is exactly what Ugetsu does or tries to do. He is terrified that Akihiko will leave him definitely one day, but at the same time he actively tries to make him leave: “I’m the lowest son of a bitch towards Akihiko and I guess he resents me, y’know... But I love him to death.” (Chapter 17)

“I’ve been pushing him away but he hasn’t given up on me at all. I’ve been trying to leave him every chance I get. But it seems like I’m still not good at doing that, so... I’ve always been waiting for him to let go of me.” (Chapter 17)

“What if he never came back, just like that? I’ve thought about it countless times. Yet, I’m still not able to imagine it. Tomorrow, he might come back all of a sudden? Or maybe he won’t? But, just the same, I want this suffering to end. But on second thought, I don’t really want that. All the stuff that’s in this room right now, the thought that everything might disappear... Will nothing... Not one thing remain?” (Chapter 27)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self:  

It’s fair to say the core obstacle in his relationship with Akihiko. Ugetsu’s whole existence is ingrained irrevocably in music. It is what gives his life purpose and the outlet with which he deals with his too intense emotions. Which leads me to wonder what would happen if for some reason he lost music. And I am not positive he would survive that.

“After we graduated from high school—at the time, when I was actively performing as a musician... one day all of a sudden I realized, the existence of the other—was the one thing we both chased after the most in this world. As long as Akihiko is with me, I’ll be unable to become free with my music.” (Chapter 17)

Ugetsu felt as if he was losing himself and his music in his love for Akihiko, which brings to the unstable sense of self. This terrified him. Love is messy for everyone and anyone but with BPD emotions are plugged into an amplifier and dialled up to the maximum (“But for my heart to be touched like that”). He can’t deal with all of this and the fight-or-flight response is triggered and “Let’s end this already.” (Chapter 17)

Black-or-white thinking:  

People with BPD often struggle to see the complexity in people and situations and are unable to recognize that things are often not either perfect or horrible, but are something in between. This can lead to "splitting," which refers to an inability to maintain a cohesive set of beliefs about oneself and others. Ugetsu seems to be obsessed with perfection and probably to be a world-renowned violinist you need to be to a certain degree. But for example, when asked by Akihiko to come to the band’s first live, he replies with: “Is it at a level that you can show me? Ah... it’s not at a level where you can reply to me right away... then, I won’t come. There’s no point watching a performance if the performer doesn’t have the confidence to do it well.” (Chapter 8)

Ugetsu doesn’t exist in the in-betweens. There is pefection or worthlessness, love or hate, music or Akihiko.

Depression:

Ugetsu manifests many symptoms of depression.

He is either practicing the violin or sleeping. 

He seems to undereat. Almost in every panel in which they are at home, Akihiko worries about whether Ugetsu has eaten or not, and always offers to cook for him, implying that Ugetsu wouldn’t bother if left to his own devices.  

He is untidy and careless to some degree. At the violin concerto where Ugetsu is the soloist, Akihiko exclaims: “Again? That idiot... His hair is a mess.” (Chapter 15) implying that it isn’t the first time that Ugetsu appears somewhat shabby at a formal event, in which furthermore he is the star. This fact in particular surprised me because I had the impression that Ugetsu was vain.

This neglectfulness also reflects in his living space. Once Akihiko leaves, the house is in complete disarray. When Akihiko comes back to say he will move out, the debris of the glass Ugetsu smashed when Mafuyu visited are still there.

Last but not least, Ugetsu lives in a soundproofed basement in semidarkness, a fortress of solitude of sorts from the outside world.

Suicidal thoughts or threats:  

“Well, when I was a kid, I used to go to some unknown old man’s plantation on my own, and I enjoyed killing bugs by squishing them with my right hand, y’know... Then, on one clear sunny day, I happened to listen to some music playing on that old man’s radio. It was ‘In the flow of time’ by Paul Simon... Yet even though I was only a kid, I thought, wow... I want to die... It’s a good day, isn’t it? Well, there were other things too, but somehow, I wonder If I’ve basically been chasing that feeling of dying from back then...” (Chapter 21.5)

Well, this passage speaks for itself. In some capacity Ugetsu has been pondering on death, has been chasing it, since he was a small child. I think this can be linked to the BPD symptom of chronic feelings of emptiness.

Impulsive, self-destructive and sensation-seeking behaviours:  

In this category I think we can include the sleeping around in which Ugetsu engages. While not a harmful behaviour in itself, I think the motive is. Ugetsu has been systematically sleeping around for two years not because he actually wants to and it makes him feel good, but he does it to spite Akihiko and as a coping mechanism to try and get over him. This wouldn’t do good to anyone’s mental health and self-worth.

“Ugetsu and I fought all the time, even after we broke up. That... was because of his timing when it came to finding a new man... It was as though he was doing to spite me.” (Chapter 19)

Intense and highly changeable moods:

Simply, all of the above.

This is all for now. I will edit this list if future chapters will shed more light on the mind and heart of this character that I have come to care so deeply about.

[thisdreamplace]

I was watching this YouTuber named Simone and she was talking about this celebrity who manifested her husband but they divorced and Simone was said that’s why you shouldn’t manifest an SP because it doesn’t always work out or they’re not always right for you...

Once again, y’all this is just someone who literally doesn’t understand the law. If you come across someone who starts talking about weird rules and restrictions in manifesting, please do yourself a favor and exit the video. Like really.

A lot of these “manifestation coaches” give advice on topics they don’t even understand. Your sp and anyone else is literally just you. They mirror you in some type of way.

So... no one’s sp has a mind of their own. Sorry. I know people hate to hear it, but they don’t. If you feel the need to give people the illusion of freewill, go ahead and do so. But freewill isn’t real. That being said, no one got divorced as a punishment for manifesting. Like... tf???? Things like that happen over a person’s assumptions.

Go around blaming others all your life and you will be going in circles. No one is any type of way towards you, they just mirror you. If you’re going to see your sp in a negative light or walk around with a hurtful inner story, that’s what you will see reflected back to you. It has nothing to do with what the lady said.

This is why I’m not into manifesting as a technique. You must focus on your inner story, your self concept... because everything naturally and beautifully falls in line on it’s own when you do so.

Hopefully this clears things up!! 💖

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Wallice has shared her subversive new single 'Hey Michael'. 'Hey Michael' amplifies her blood-thirsty nature, a revenge anthem that finds Wallice turning into a worse villain than her erstwhile love interest. A song about toxic tendencies and how they manifest in our lives, 'Hey Michael' twists and turns around American Psycho imagery. Wallice labels "a revenge anthem for anyone who has encountered a gaslighting, manipulative person. It’s what I wish I would have said to all the ‘Michael’s’ I have met in my life. It can be substituted by many names, we all know or have met a ‘Michael’ though. Somehow the world revolves around them and they just can’t catch a break, because they never do anything wrong and it’s usually your fault. You should have listened to your gut instinct and swiped left on this Michael. This isn’t a man-hating song, it’s just something many people can relate to. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to admit just how bad a friend, date, or romantic partner was and a lot of the time, I would just smile and laugh off stupid remarks but when I think back, I wish I had told them off. But at the same time, my persona in the song is not the best person either. I literally say: I think I want to start a fight, which one is your girlfriend? The whole song is funny because I am so focused on how shitty Michael is that I don’t even think about how shitty I might be as well." Directed by Phil Stillwell, the video takes place at a house party, with Wallice interacting with various 'Michaels' before her behaviour spirals into something much, much worse. [via Clash]

In the same vein as Massive Attack’s suburban groove and social commentary in the mid 90’s, KITA have captured the rhythm and heartbeat of suburban Pōneke; a city abuzz with a vibrant music and dramatic performance scene in their brand new track and official video, ‘Private Lives’. Weaving together elements of vintage rock, pop and soul, and warm hints of synth, KITA have created a skin-prickling piece of magic with ‘Private Lives’, a deeply beautiful track penned in 2020’s lockdown, that delves into the unknown of what happens when the blinds are shut – the parts of life that are unseen by others. "Standing from my kitchen window during lockdown in Aotearoa, sinister thoughts entered my mind about what could be happening behind closed doors for people”, says front-woman Nikita 雅涵 Tu- Bryant. The video tells the story of a father and daughter’s relationship amongst snapshots of everyday life and its monotonous anonymity, while things aren’t always what they appear on the surface. Late at night the father can finally reveal his true self, adorning makeup and sequins, only to be spied by his daughter. The two then share a special moment of dressing up and dancing together, a true celebration of individuality, self-love and the beauty of self-expression.

'Just Chemistry' is the third single from Dance Lessons, a London-based, female-fronted and produced trio, creating what they define as Serrated Pop. 'Just Chemistry' is a delicate hymn to the unspoken. Dance Lessons return with their signature sound – minimal production, sleek vocals and intricate arrangements. Ann says: “'Just Chemistry' is about the over-complication of our relationships. It’s about the things that are left unsaid in-between the awkward text messages and conversations, and how the absence of knowing can be misinterpreted as doubt. Last year was a difficult one. For a long time, I felt at the mercy of my emotions. I doubted where things were going. I lived in the future and found it hard to commit to the present. But these moments of not knowing can be equally thrilling and beautiful. And that’s what the song is about: finding beauty in the unspoken. In most cases, it’s chemistry that makes us fall in love. Things end, all is temporary. Let’s not go to war with one another over it.” Nat says on the video: “A friend told us about this weird and wonderful house in North London that feels a little like stepping into an acid trip. We obviously wanted to check it out. It’s completely surreal, all over the place (in a great way) and generally eclectic, which felt inherently us. We instantly wanted to do something there and asked the owner for permission to shoot a music video. We filmed during lockdown and were let loose embracing all the oddness of it. Ann also designed and created the outfit she wears in the video, something she does with most of her wardrobe. It was shot, directed and edited by our hugely talented friends Ben Hanson and Simon Frost from Borderland Studios.”

Returning with her first offering of the year, North London’s rising star Laurel Smith is ready to reveal her anticipated new single, ‘Out the Cage’ accompanied by an action packed and thrilling cinematic style music video directed by Jeremie Brivet and Jai Garcha. Sticking to her winning recipe of moody, dark, electro-pop production paired with effortlessly edgy tales of narrative lyricism, ‘Out the Cage’ is the next huge single from the young, innovative artist that is sure to follow the same trajectory of success as its predecessor, ‘Game Over’ released late last year. A songwriter and recording artist, Laurel Smith has been writing songs since the age of sixteen. With each single she’s released, Laurel has continued to adapt her sound and aesthetic, consistently honing her craft and evolving her brand. She has carefully carved out her place in an ever crowded industry and proceeds to turn heads at every corner. “‘Out The Cage’ is a song about breaking out from your constraints, both physical and mental. Although it can be interpreted in any way, when I wrote it I created a story around a bored housewife, falling out of love with her husband, she fantasises about tying him up and leaving him to be a badass assassin in a video game type world, roaming the city at night and living a life of unpredictability and excitement”.

Hailing from the Philippines, singer-songwriter Laica is coming off a breakout 2020. Now the 21-year-old is gearing up for the release of her debut album I’m so fine at being lonely. The first single off the project, 'love u lately' is here, accompanied by a music video directed by Cooper Leith. 'Love u lately' is a relatable and infectious track. The song revolves around dating, understanding mixed signals, and the confusion that surrounds that world. Lyrically, Laica walks us through her experiences here, voicing her thoughts and frustrations about someone who she just can't seem to read right. Production-wise, the track is carried by a pulsing synth and a groovy bass. Together, the track feels upbeat. The vibe created by the production stands in contrast with the more emotional lyrics, making the track complex and interesting. The music video takes the concept of 'love u lately' to the extreme, in a fun and playful way. Laica is seen capturing her dream boy and attempting to use witchcraft to finally win him over. The video has a very DIY feel, which could serve to add to the reliability of the track. It’s a great extension of the track and taps into everyone’s most fantasy-driven realities. [via Earmilk]

At first, Emily C Browning wasn't sure what to think. Spurned, rejected, and cast aside, she was angry, furious, and - at times - utterly bereft. Usually she'd utilise songwriting as a vessel for her emotions, but when she was so conflicted, and feeling so negative, that it just didn't enter her mind. The Christchurch, New Zealand artist needed to take a step back, and when she located some perspective, she was ready to act. New single 'I Wasn't Into You Anyway' is a soaring slice of revenge, one that finds Emily C Browning taking full control of her music. Her first solo production credit, its reminiscent of those surging, empowering Maggie Rogers bops, while also containing similar DNA to Sharon Van Etten's work. Lyrically, it's absolutely her own creation, with Emily leaning on those often-hidden feelings. She comments... "Everyday for a month I wrote in my journal: I want to write a song about feeling rejected. But I couldn’t figure out how to keep it light and funny, it can be quite a painful topic and I didn’t want to sound too heavy. But I kept working on it everyday and came up with this song. I then spent another month recording it, trying to capture a sound that stayed upbeat and playful. I put so much time and energy into the song that I ended up completely forgetting about the person who rejected me in the first place (honest, I swear)." [via Clash]

Alt-pop force Holly Humberstone returns with new single 'Haunted House'. The songwriter's potent debut EP Falling Asleep At The Wheel was a sensation, racking up more than 100 million global streams. A bona fide phenomenon, Holly returns with a single that displays a more nuanced, reflective side to her work. 'Haunted House' digs into childhood, and looks at the way memory can frame the way we construct our identities. She comments: "I wrote this song about the old and characterful house I grew up in. The house is such a huge part of who I am and our family. With my sisters and I moving out and living separate lives, coming home feels very comforting and one of the only things keeping us all connected." Playing with concrete imagery and no small degree of invention, 'Haunted House' connects art to life in an enchanting fashion. She adds: "The house is almost falling down around us now though, and we’ve realised that pretty soon we’ll be forced to leave. There’s a cellar full of meat hooks and a climate so damp mushrooms grow out of the walls. Loads of people have probably died here in the past but I’ve always felt really safe. It’s like a seventh family member. It’s part of me." [via Clash]

In 2019, the Boston-born and Brooklyn-based indie rock album Crumb released their debut album Jinx. Crumb haven’t yet announced plans to follow that album up, but they’re definitely working towards something. Last month, the band came out with a one-off single called 'Trophy.' Now, they’ve followed that one with two new tracks, and they’re both winners. The new songs 'BNR' and 'Balloon' both fit nicely into Crumb’s comfort zone. The band’s sound is a rich, sophisticated take on psychedelia, with blissed-out lead vocals from Lila Ramani and with some great funky drum action. The band co-produced both songs with Foxygen’s Jonathan Rado, who’s done great recent work with people like Father John Misty and Weyes Blood and the Killers and who knows how to make oblique ’70s-style pop sound good. But Crumb themselves deserve a ton of credit for coming up with a sound this layered and weird. They’re the rare circa-2021 band who might remind you of Broadcast. In a press release, Ramani says, “‘BNR’ is an ode to my favorite colors. I had a weird obsession with those colors in winter 2018-2019 and felt like they would follow me around everywhere I went." 'BNR' also has a cool music video. Director Joe Mischo starts the clip off as a hallucinatory reverie, but he turns it sharply towards horror at the end. [via Stereogum]

Last year, Limerick poet/musician Sinead O’Brien released her debut EP, Drowning In Blessings. It was a unique work, a handful of songs featuring O’Brien’s sing-speak over spindly, post-punk guitars. It garnered O’Brien a bit of buzz overseas, and it left you wondering where she might take her music from there. Now, O’Brien’s back with a new song called 'Kid Stuff.' “‘Kid Stuff’ shows up all different tones on different days,” O’Brien said in a statement. “There’s something alive in it which cannot be caught or told. It is direct but complex; it contains chapters. This feels like our purest and most succinct expression yet.” Like Drowning In Blessings, 'Kid Stuff' found O’Brien working with Speedy Wunderground mastermind Dan Carey. Musically, it hints at a level up moment for O’Brien. There was something alluring and jagged about Drowning In Blessings, but 'Kid Stuff' places her usual approach over a song that is surprisingly groovy — maybe even a little danceable. It comes with a video directed by Saskia Dixie. [via Stereogum]

Das Beat are made up of German actress and vocalist Eddie Rabenberger and Agor of Blue Hawaii. The pair have just shared their first single 'Bubble' online now and are set to release their debut EP Identität on June 4 via Arbutus Records. Born in Berlin during 2020’s legendary lockdown, Das Beat seeks to blast both boredom and boundary. Dabbling in German New Wave, Italo Disco, Indie & Dance, their sound is unified by vocals from Eddie Rabenberger, sung in German and English. Amidst playful lyrics one finds a strong underlying pulse (das “beat”), pinning down the duo’s meandering atmospherics, dreamy synths, guitars and percussion. The duo is half-Canadian and half-German. Agor (of Blue Hawaii), moved to Berlin from Montreal in 2018. Eddie is a theatre actress originally hailing from a small town in Bavaria. Together they find a strange but alluring symbiosis - like Giorgio Moroder meets Nico, or Gina X Performance meets The Prodigy.

St. Vincent has fully embraced the ’70s aesthetic for her retro-sounding new record, Daddy’s Home. Now, she’s diving headlong into the animation styles of the era with the video for 'The Melting of the Sun'. Presented as a “betamax deluxe release” rip from “Candy’s Music Video Archives,” the clip blends live action shots of St. Vincent herself with the wavy, intermittent animation frames any Schoolhouse Rock student is familiar with. The psychedelic lines fit a song called 'The Melting of the Sun' perfectly, as do the drawings of the legends mentioned in the song’s lyrics like Nina Simone, Joni Mitchell, and Tori Amos. St. Vincent co-directed the clip with Bill Benz, while Chris McD provided the animation. [via Consequence]

Bay Area slowcore trio Sour Widows have released a new single, 'Bathroom Stall,' from their forthcoming EP Crossing Over, which they announced last month with its title track. The song’s build-up is subtle and poignant like Sufjan Stevens, but Maia Sinaiko’s evocative, sweeping vocals are one-of-a-kind, and the lyrics are graphic and tragic: “Do you remember it like I do?/ Your lips turned blue I had my fingers in your mouth/ And I couldn’t get them out.” Sinaiko said of the song: "This song is about a relationship I had with someone who struggled with addiction, who very tragically passed away three years ago while we were together. It’s about some moments we shared, and how it feels to walk around carrying that person and those experiences with me while the world stays normal. I wrote the song because I wanted to preserve and document what happened to me. to write out the scary stuff and just let it sit there forever. I think its funny that its called 'Bathroom Stall' and that it has that image in it: the song goes from heavy and dark to ordinary and totally pedestrian in a sentence, which feels absurd. And that’s kind of what it’s like to grieve. That’s kind of what’s hard to explain about grief, how absurd it is. Part of you goes to a different planet and part of you stays walking around like an alien on Earth, going to the bathroom and looking at the moon and shit." [via Stereogum]

As JUNO-nominated singer Kandle Osborne prepares to launch her new project, Set The Fire this spring, she shares the album’s third single, 'Misty Morning.' From being penned on a napkin while abroad to a Vancouver studio, 'Misty Morning' is a sonic journey that echoes soulful vulnerability and an honest reflection of realizing true love. For the video, Kandle reconnects with 'Honey Trap' director, Brandon William Fletcher, to create classic 40s noir-inspired cine-magic, filmed along the Vancouver coastline and within the lush landscape of Stanley Park. Kandle says: “‘Misty Morning’ is my first real love song, captured on a napkin while in Ischia, Italy when I was truly happy. My songwriting usually comes from a place of turmoil and catharsis, but this was simply a snapshot of a perfect, vulnerable moment. In recording it, I wanted to hide behind lush orchestration, but my producer/ best friend Michael Rendall had other ideas. He wanted to strip it down to just piano & a single vocal to take me out of my comfort zone and re-capture the open-hearted feelings I had while writing it. The song and the recording both hold for me a time when I dropped my guard for pure authentic love in spite of all my flaws and failures. In that moment, I felt my true value as a whole person for the first time.”

On 'Vertigo,' Alice Merton’s first single of 2021, the 27-year-old describes the long road from uncertainty back to self-confidence. It emphasizes the unrest that seizes her again and again, the thought: “Why can’t I just let it go?” These contradicting thoughts and emotions that are so familiar to all of us sum up to an overwhelmingly positive effect - 'Vertigo' leaves you empowered rather than anxious: A powerful indie pop arrangement with distorted guitars, plus Alice Merton’s crystal-clear voice. The result is reminiscent of the British Invasion, with no air of self-doubt. With its energetic live qualities, 'Vertigo' feeds an appetite for summer festivals and concerts that will definitely return at some point. Largely responsible for this is the Canadian producer Koz, a multiple Grammy nominee, who has worked with Dua Lipa ('Physical') among others. Here, too, he adds on to what has already made Alice Merton stand out from the crowd in the past - her classic pop appeal - with an uncompromising and indie attitude. This enables Alice to take another big step: She equally encourages a shaken generation and herself that there will be easy summers again. That you can dance again and lie in each other's arms. That it is absolutely fine to have many facets, to not always be clear, and that strength and weakness are not mutually exclusive.

Canadian artist Olivia Lunny's new release 'Sad To See You Happy' is a shamelessly poppy track centering an acutely relatable break-up narrative. The Canadian artist follows up her breakthrough success with a bouncy cut to soundtrack 2021’s long-awaited spring. There's a relatable tale of break-up at the heart of the gloriously poppy new single, belied by percussive instrumentation that creates a warm, nostalgic feel. [via Line Of Best Fit]

After sharing the single last month, Charlotte Adigéry is now revealing the brand new video for ‘Bear With Me (and I’ll stand bare before you)’. The first new music since her 2019 debut EP Zandoli, Charlotte says of the video, “The video is about being confined thus confronted to the way we live. The cruel irony of having the privilege of standing still, questioning and observing my life in all safety while others are fighting for theirs. On the other hand, the video is about trying to stay sane while feeling that the walls are closing in on you. Embracing boredom and finding joy in the little things in life.” Director Alice Kunisue adds, “When I listened to Charlotte’s song and what it meant for her and Bolis, I wanted the video to visually encapsulate that feeling of being stuck inside and confronted to our deeper selves while paradoxically sensing the chaos going on in the outside world without being able to do anything about it. Choosing to film an apartment room from one single angle was a way to reflect that narrowness of thought that we all experienced, but also a constraint that allowed us to explore and develop visual ideas within a narrow system, in a way having to think only inside the box, which artistically was a fun challenge.” [via DIY]

Millie Turner has shared a video for ‘Concrete Tragedy’. It’s a cut from her upcoming mini-album Eye Of The Storm, set for release on May 16, which also features a rework of breakout song ‘(Breathe) Underwater’. “This video is a visual representation of dancing on your own,” she says of the clip. “Combining the many parts of who we are when we’re by ourselves, I wanted it to feel like you’re entering a world of imagination that comes alive when we express ourselves.” [via Dork]

Doja Cat and SZA have come together for a new single called 'Kiss Me More.' When the song was announced Wednesday night, the internet flipped out, which is to be expected with these two — especially Doja Cat, who is regularly going viral these days for all kinds of reasons. When it comes to collaborations, she always finds the best people. That includes Saweetie, who appeared on Doja’s recent 'Best Friend' but then claimed that it was released against her wishes. Given SZA’s long history of public frustration over TDE Records holding back her new album, she is probably happy to have any new music out. Despite recent single 'Good Days' hitting the top 10, her restless fanbase is still awaiting a follow-up to 2017’s iconic Ctrl. 'Kiss Me More' is the first single from Doja’s new album Planet Her, scheduled for release this summer. It returns to the disco vibes of Doja’s #1 hit 'Say So,' this time with no apparent resemblance to any Skylar Spence song. [via Stereogum]

[just-a-caffeine-addict]

Quotes Accrued in a Decade

“…as you well know, the source of the Nile remained invisible to those who lived next to it for a thousand years. Identifying it required a stranger. (A fresh pair of eyes may see what others miss)” –Sherlock Holmes (From The Perils of Sherlock Holmes: Short Stories)

“A couple of years before he died, I kissed my father goodbye. He said, ‘Son, you haven’t kissed me since you were a little boy.’ It went straight to my heart, and I kissed him whenever I saw him after that, and my sons and I always kiss whenever we meet.” –Terry Wogan

“A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.” –Chinese Proverb

“All great truths begin as blasphemies.” –George Bernard Shaw

“An army of donkeys led by a lion is better than an army of lions led by a donkey.” –Genghis Khan

"An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it." –Mahatma Gandhi

“Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” –Cesar A. Cruz

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” –Marianna Williamson

“Ask not what your country can do for you –ask what you can do for your country.” –John Kennedy

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply give you courage.” –Lao Tzu

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.” –English Proverb

“Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.” –George Bernard Shaw

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” –Confucius

“Can you really have a bad experiment? I don’t know. But can you have a bad result? Yes.” — EvanAndKatelyn (From Can Resin Preserve a Pumpkin Carving?)

“canon is but the sandbox in which i strike lightning to form glass. trouble me no more with your quibblings and quorums, lest i grind you to dust beneath my heel and build stories from the remnants of your bones. Avast, foul fiend” —taako waititi (From Tumblr)

“Civil war? What does that mean? Is there any foreign war? Isn't every war fought between men, between brothers?” —Victor Hugo

“Cucullus non facit monachum (A cowl does not make a monk).” – Fool/Feste (From Twelfth Night)

“Demons run when a good man goes to war…” –River Song (From Doctor Who)

“Due to high cost of ammo, there will be NO WARNING SHOTS FIRED.” –Warning sign

“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.” –Nicholas Sparks (From Safe Haven)

“Everyone gives the title of barbarism to everything that is not in use in his own country.” –Michel de Montaigne (From Of Cannibals)

“Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.” –Brad Henry

“Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. The wise take a knife, cut the cord, and set themselves free from the fools.” –Unknown

“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.” –Chinese Proverb

“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” –Thomas Edison

“Herr, wirf Hern vom Himmel -oder Steine, Hauptsache er trifft (Lord, throw some brains from the heavens -or stones, as long as he hits the mark)!” –German Proverb

“History is for human self-knowledge...the only clue to what man can do is what man has done. The value of history, then, is that it teaches us what man has done and thus what man is.” —R.G. Collingwood

“Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.” –James Thurber

“I can pretend I’m a fish, but I shouldn’t try to breathe underwater.” –Unknown

“I have the patience of a saint. Saint Cunty McFuckOff.” –Words on a cup

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 1,000 ways that won’t work.” –Thomas Edison

“I made some good deals and I made some bad ones. I really went in the hole with this one.” –Quote on a grave

“I occasionally think, how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. And yet, I ask is not an alien force ALREADY among us?” –Ronald Reagan

“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” –Isaac Newton

“If our impulses were confined to hunger, thirst, and desire, we might nearly be free; but now we are moved by every wind that blows, and a chance word or scene that that word may convey to us.” –Victor Frankenstein (From Frankenstein)

“If the world tells me I’m mad, whereas I know I’m not, which of us is right? Thus, being mad is what? Inventing a life one hasn’t lived or loving a woman met in another lifetime? Is it clinging to unsatisfied desires?..” Doriel (From A Mad Desire to Dance)

“If you’re afraid - don’t do it, - if you’re doing it - don’t be afraid!” –Genghis Khan

“If you’re going to be a writer, the first essential is just to write. Do not wait for an idea. Start writing something and the ideas will come. You have to turn the faucet on before the water starts to flow.” —Louis L’Amour

"If you're not asking the questions in a thoughtful way, you're not going to get any results that are useful or interesting." –Tony Wagner

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” –John Quincy Adams

“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” –Jimi Hendrix (From Axis: Bold as Love)

"Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet has free access to the sum of all human knowledge." –Jimmy Wales (Founder of Wikipedia)

"In caucus terrae, luscus rex est (In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king)." –Latin Adage

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” –Abraham Lincoln

“In time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” –George Orwell

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” –André Gide (From Autumn Leaves)

"It's not that I'm so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer." –Albert Einstein

“It’s true. I forget important things sometimes… Sometimes I do think I should give up-- just let the crown win and the world freeze, with me in it. Some days I can’t remember a single reason to keep fighting. Some… Some days I-- I can’t remember her. But giving up’s EASY. You know what’s hard? To BELIEVE in your own worth, to KNOW you’ve got something special in you even if nobody else can see it. Even when YOU can’t.” –Ice King |Simon Petrikov from Adventure Time

“Learn yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” –Albert Einstein

“Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.” –Isaac Watts

“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.” –Sholom Aleichem

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” –Ann Landers

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” –James Baldwin

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.” —“The Wonder Years”

“My family is my strength and my weakness.” –Aishwarya rai Bachchan

“Names are the sweetest and the most important sounds in any language.” –Dale Carnegie

“No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.” –Mary Wollstonecraft

"No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips." –Sigmund Freud

“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” –Lin Yutang

“NO TRESPASSING. Violators will be shot; Survivors will be shot again.” –Warning Sign

“Nobody knows you as well as our spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.” –Stephen Kendrick from The Love Dare

“Notice: Anyone found here at night will be found here in the morning.” –Warning Sign

“"One thing nature is very good at is creating incredibly complex microscopic structures. That's because nature's machines are the size of molecules, while our crude versions are the size of rooms." –Theodore Gray (from Molecules: The Elements and Architecture of Everything)

“Only the sufferers know how their bellies ache.“ –Burmese

“People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.” –Otto von Bismarck

“People think intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is ‘You’re safe with me’ - that’s intimacy.” –Taylor Jenkins Reid (From The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo)

“Play taps for my ass, cause it’s dead as hell.” –Unknown Quote

“Six of one, half a dozen of the other. (It doesn't matter which one we choose; Equally involved, equally responsible)”

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” –Markus Zusak (From I Am the Messenger)

“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” –Theodore Roosevelt

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can” –Arthur Ashe

“Take nothing but pictures; Leave nothing but footprints; Kill nothing but time.” –Caver’s Creed

“Take with a pinch of salt (Don’t completely believe what’s told).”

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” –Richard Bach

“The end of one thing is only the beginning of another.” –Unknown

“The family is a haven in a heartless world.” –Attributed to Christopher Lasch

“The helper seeks to help others because he knows what it is to be helpless.” –’ Zen’ Wander (From Wander Over Yonder)

"The million-dollar question: Why aren't we kinder? The second million-dollar question: How might we become more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less

delusional?" –George Sanders

“The need for a body of common knowledge and common reference ...grows more necessary so that people of different origins and occupation may quickly find common ground and, as we say, speak a common language...it also ensures a kind of mutual confidence and good will. One is not addressing an alien, blank as a stone wall, but a responsive creature whose mind is filled with the same images, memories, and vocabulary as oneself.” —Jacques Barzun

“The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them.” –Marilyn Monroe

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!” –Roosevelt

“The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure you have enough.” –Louie CK

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” –Albert Camus

“The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice. Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer and gives him a sense of peace and joy. The Buddha gave up the pleasures of life because they had become painful to him.” –Mahatma Gandhi

“The secret of a good memory is attention, and attention to a subject depends upon our interest in it. We rarely forget that which has made a deep impression on our minds.” —Tryon Edwards

“The secret to humor is surprise.” –Aristotle

“The surplus wealth of the few will become, in the best sense, the property of many, because administered for the common good.” –Andrew Carnegie

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” –G.K. Chesterson

"The word 'why' not only taught me to ask, but also to think. And thinking has never hurt anyone. On the contrary, it does us all a world of good." –Anne Frank

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.” –Ernest Hemingway From A Farewell To Arms

“There is no satisfaction in vengeance unless the offender has time to realize who it is that strikes him, and why retribution had come upon him.” –Jefferson Hope From Sherlock’s Adventures

“There will be something you hate in every job. The trick is finding a job where you love the good parts enough to make up for the crappy parts.” –post

“There’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society… outside of a kennel.” –Crystal (From The Women of 1939)

“Though we tremble before uncertain futures… may we dance in the face of our fears.” –Gloria Anzaldua

“To forget the dead would be akin to killing them a second time.” –Elie Wiesel (From Night)

“Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l’admire (A fool always finds a fool to admire him).” – Sherlock Holmes (French translation)

“We’re taught Lord Acton’s axiom: all power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely[...] I believed that when we started these books, but I don’t believe it’s always true anymore. [...] What I believe is always true about power is that power always reveals. When you have enough power to do what you always wanted to do, then you see what the guy always wanted to do.” –Robert A. Caro

“We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.” –Joseph Roux

“What we have done to ourselves alone, dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” –Brother Albert Pike

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” –Henry Ford

“When you wish upon a star, you’re a few million light years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.” –Unknown

“When you’re a brat, running fast is enough to make you popular. When you’re a middle-schooler, the guys who can fight will be popular, and after that it’s the guys with brains who can get the girls.” –Master of Protagonist (From The Fruit of Grisaia)

“Where we love is home –home where our feet may leave, but not our hearts.” –Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” –Plato

“You are the company you keep.” –Unknown

“You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul" –Chef Gusteau (From Ratatouille)

“You walk around a drunk, you get a tired drunk. Splash ‘em with water, you get a wet drunk. Give ‘em a coffee, you’ve got a wide-awake drunk…” –Unknown

[ishidasado]

Why is everyone such insensitive North haters?

This is something I’ve been wanting to talk about for some time now. Within the Detroit fanbase there is an overwhelming number of “North haters”. These people say North is “Violent for the sake of violence”, or that she “loves killing far too much”. They say she doesn’t have character development and that she isn’t justified in her hatred for humans. This is what leads many fans to the idea that David Cage (director of Detroit) is a “hack” or “failed to represent the LGBT community”, by excluding Simon as a potential lover for Markus, instead of North. .I’m here to prove all of this WRONG and set the record straight for David Cage.

Point one: “North is violent for no reason and she loves killing far too much.”

Counterpoint: Nope. She has a backstory that isn’t too easily missed unless you decide to be a total jerk to her. While thinking alone on the rooftops in the very start of the “Freedom March” chapter, Markus has time to reflect on Jericho and his choices leading up to this moment. He’s later joined by North, who also comes to this spot to think. The two start a conversation and you have a choice to ask her about her past, as she had previously asked you about yours. Upon asking her, she is too ashamed to admit what she had faced (which should signal to the player that she is dealing with some emotional and/or mental trauma)  If you insist she tell you more about herself, she replies with the following “I was nothing. Just a doll in a distributor program meant to satisfy humans.” This implies that she was a “sex doll”, as Markus later remarks that he “saw her memories” and that they took place in “the Eden Club”. 

Dear, everyone who truly believes that North isn’t justified in her “need for violence” and “hatred of humans”, Do something for me and “close your eyes” (as Carl would say) Close your eyes and imagine that you’ve been in a drugged-state of low awareness since your birth. Ok, now, imagine one day you “wake up” and come to full awareness. You realize that you’ve been kept in a vending machine your whole life in nothing but your underwear so sleazy men could “rent you” for a couple of hours and have their way with you, nothing being off limits. They’ve been raping you and brutally abusing you for their amusement. They’ve been exposing themselves to you and forcing you to play the sickest, and dirtiest sex games in existence. In the moment you “wake up” there is a man on top of you saying disturbing and sick things about your body. These are the ONLY people you’ve EVER encountered. I know it’s hard to imagine this, because it’s so traumatizing, but this is exactly what happened to North. She then killed the man in self defense, then ran away from the sex-club/prison that’s been renting her out to the worst of humanity (again the ONLY humans she has EVER known) 

Why on Earth do you think the Tracies turned out bitter and resentful? They were in the EXACT same situation as North, yet I see no hate for them. Also, before you say “yeah but the Tracies didn’t automatically call for war, it’s ok to be mad, but North takes it to far”, I have a counterpoint for that too. North actually didn’t automatically call for war. She stayed at Jericho for a few weeks without bringing it up. It was only when Markus proposed “stealing from the humans”, that she jumped on board. I HIGHLY doubt that if the Tracies would have had influence over Markus, that they would be any kinder to the humans than North was. 

North doesn’t “love” violence or war. She is a survivor of life-long sexual assault with clear PTSD and trauma symptoms, and that makes her “feel safe” in lashing out at the people who put her in that position. I highly recommend all “North haters” to research this topic, as there are many extreme emotional and physiological side effects that align with what North is experiencing. Among them is “feelings of Shame, anger, and violent behavior”

Point two: North had no character development and is unjustified in her hatred for humans.

Counterpoint: Alright, we already covered the obvious reasons why she is completely justified in her hatred for humans, as she had only ever know them to be “sex abuse machines”. What I want to talk about now, is her character development. She indeed did have character development. 

When you first meet her, she starts out cold and aloof, barely wanting to talk to Markus and telling him “If you’re looking for comfort you’ve come to the wrong place”. Slowly, over the course of the game she shifts her tone, later looking into his eyes and saying “whatever happens next, we’ve already made the history books” in an effort to comfort him when he is doubting himself and the android movement. She repeatedly attempts to comfort him, saying things like “Take care of yourself, I don’t want to loose you”, and “Your the hope of our people, we trust you.” She slowly opens up to Markus and even begins to understand that his “peaceful approach” isn’t as careless as the trauma of her past would have her believe. Also notice, that the last chance she has to sway Markus onto her “violent path” she finally provides a reason, for her otherwise, seemingly random need for violence. When she presents the “dirty bomb” to Markus she tells him that she feels it would be their “last chance if things go wrong”. Up until this point, she had NEVER reserved violence as a “last resort” for if things go wrong. She had accepted that a peaceful protest was the way that Markus had chosen for his people and that it was the right thing to do. She even planned on participating, having no real problem with the decision apart from her lingering worry that “things might go wrong”. She had a lot of character development, but haters refuse to see it. 

On the other hand, Josh never changed or developed, but no one complains about him. He starts of screaming at Markus to “use dialogue not violence” and he ends saying “you and I haven’t always agreed but if it wasn’t for you I’d be dead, I’m with you” even if you did everything he told you to throughout the game, he continues to believe that Markus is “unlike him” and even continues to blame Markus for ever trying to free his people. He continues to act righteous and “holier than thou” until the very end. He couldn’t just thank Markus, he had to add that extra layer of  “you haven’t always been as righteous as me”. Even in the event that Josh dies on the battlefield, he scolds Markus with his dying breath, saying “The blood we spill will be on our hands”. Additionally, Josh also badmouths Markus after he sacrifices himself in the PEACEFUL protest, saying things like “He’s the one that got us into this mess” and “He put us all in danger by provoking humans”, as Simon fights to defend Markus. Lastly, I’d like to mention that Josh was also the first to mention using violence as a means to an end, in the beginning. When Markus suggests they steal from Cyberlife, Josh quickly says “but we don’t have any weapons. And even if we did, none of us knows how to fight.” Markus was the one who had to tell Josh, that they could do it without violence. Josh remained a hypocrite while North grew in understanding (even if she couldn’t shake off her fears).   

The bottom line fact is that North was written well and Josh was not. North changed and evolved throughout the story, and Josh did not. (Not hating on Josh, just comparing the character development to make a point. Josh has none, yet people complain that North doesn’t when she CLEARLY does)

Point three: David cage is a hack and doesn’t represent the LGBTQ community correctly because Simon couldn’t be a lover choice for Markus. 

Ok, we are going to have to talk about how this mindset negatively (and unfairly) effects perception of both North and David Cage. Because David Cage didn’t present the option to acquire Simon as a lover, despite the enormous sense of admiration and love that Simon has for him, fans tend to believe that Cage is a “homophobe” or a “hack”, and this in turn, leads them to resent and hate North because of her position as “The one David Cage chose for Markus”. These fans believe that Cage chose North because she is a famale, but another look at the broader spectrum of this decision tells a very different story.

While sifting through a Reddit post by David Cage and his team, where they were hosting a Q&A, I found a question that pertains to my argument. The First question asked on the page was “Why is North exclusively romance-able despite Markus having equal moments/more moments of chemistry with other characters?”.  His answer is one that should put this subject to rest, and clarify/justify his reasoning for “Cutting Simon as a lover”. In response to this question, this is what he wrote.

He clearly states that there were considerations for Markus to be able to have other love interests aside from North, but that the idea had to be scrapped due to the sheer manageability of the dialogue and story paths, the branches he refers to as “permutations”. I hear all of the North haters making the argument “Why didn’t they pick Simon, if they could only have one?” I imagine that these haters think that North was privileged because she was a female, and that is why everyone is saying that David Cage is “homophobic” and a “hack”. 

I’ve heard arguments that say that the excuse he gave in this response was “weak at best, because the game already has so many branching paths” Please think about this reaction to Cage’s response. Adding more to deal with would, conceivably be more difficult to work with. Everyone who worked with Cage on Detroit has expressed their amazement at the fact that he was able to keep everything that made it into the game fluid, and sensible. If it’s a miracle he’s able to keep so many event’s and branching events aligned in his head and on paper, then why on Earth does anyone find that handling another ENTIRE lover’s relationship would be easy? 

Now that we’ve explained why it’s insane to believe that adding branches to an already huge choice game wouldn’t make the development a lot more difficult, lets take a step back and try to asses this decision. We will assume that North, Josh, and Simon were all candidates to be a love interest for Markus. Which would make the most sense to prioritize from the story’s standpoint while keeping in mind that the “lovers relationship was not the main story in this game? The first one we can rule out is Josh, because he is meant to serve as the “angel on Markus’ shoulder” and would serve as a terrible motivation to urge or tempt the player into doing something against their moral compass, as the point of the game is to create hard decisions for the player to be confronted with, and I believe that this was the main purpose of the lover as well. It creates a decision that the player has to make between love and what they believe is right, which is a difficult one to make. Besides the fact that he wouldn’t help with the tone this game was going for, Josh would also be a bad choice because he doesn’t need his backstory told for us to like him. He doesn’t need justified in wanting Markus to take the peaceful approach because most people will agree that peace isn’t a bad thing. 

Now the decision comes down to North vs. Simon. As I previously stated, the entire point of having a lover for Markus was to have that internal struggle, someone pulling you one way, when you know another way is best. Simon is neutral in all the decision making, which is something the North haters site as a reason he should be the lover instead of North. However, taking into account, the context of what this game was meant to be and what it was meant to make you feel, you realize that it is, in fact, North that would be best suited for the role of “lover”. Because Simon is neutral, he wouldn’t present the same type of pull, or persuasive temptation that Cage wanted for this game, effectively making the decision process that much easier. North, on the other hand had the perfect motives to sway you as a lover. She was a legitimately broken soul who wanted nothing but to see the humans suffer for what they had done to her, because it was the only path she knew. Markus falling for her would create the tough decision that had to be made between what she wanted and what was good for his people. While it’s true that Simon could stand to have his background explained, it is North who desperately needed hers to come to light, otherwise, she wouldn’t be likable and would be viewed as a “violence for the sake of violence” type of person (which is extremely ironic because people were to illiterate to read her motives and condition, thus I must type this whole article)

So we have come to the conclusion that Josh wouldn’t work because he is in compliance with what is “right” and wouldn’t have a moral tug at your heart strings, along with the fact that he is likable as he is, due to his peaceful nature (even if he does enforce it with tons of frowns and yelling) We’ve understood that Simon wouldn’t be enough to push you either way, making the whole point of incorporating a “lover” moot. Finally, We’ve arrived at the same decision that David Cage made. That is, North is the best candidate because she is the only one with a personality that needs to be justified, a backstory that needs to be told for us to care for her, and a perfect amount of pressure on you to choose the path you know is wrong for the sake of love.

North wasn’t unjustified for hating humans or for her PTSD induced violence tendencies. She wasn’t prioritized by Cage because she is a “female” and he is a “homophobe”. She is a well written character and was the best choice, from a story standpoint, to write as a lover to Markus.

If you still want to call David Cage a “homophobe” or a “hack”, or say he doesn’t do the LGBTQ justice because of the Tracies, that is a whole different subject that I will cover later, so stay tuned.

(BTW If you really are longing for a legit gay couple in this game, you don’t have to look any further than HankCon. They never go beyond friends *probably due to all those extra branching paths Cage wanted to avoid and the complication of their relationship* but they do make googly eyes at each other *especially Connor to Hank* and they literally bring each other to life. But more on that later.)

*PS: If you dismiss HankCon solely because of their age appearance gap (because androids are ageless) or because Hank’s appearance doesn’t suit your “sexy” needs, you are sick and I don’t want to talk to you :)        

[yanderedbh-moved]

The Yanderes As Horror Movie Villains

Slasher-thirst Tumblr is a wild place, but I would like to thank it personally for helping to inspire this post. I realize these are all debatable, but I hope I provided adequate enough arguments to explain everyone’s placement, please enjoy!

Connor: Buffalo Bill (Silence of the Lambs)

At a cursory glance of the two, one might come to the conclusion this is a man who follows the rules, one who appears just as normal and well-adapted as any other. However, bind closed doors; in private, it is only then that they would show there is much more to them than meets the eye.

Bill is described as “He wasn’t born a killer, he was made one.” This reflects the way Connor may have been created to serve a purely functional purpose for the benefit of humans through the events of his life, as well as through his own choices, he becomes something of his own making. He becomes an individual as a result of his own free will.

As a yandere, Connor would likely experience intense frustrations over being created as an android, and he couldn’t help but act out on these frustrations, maybe even taking some of this out on you. He wants to be what he fundamentally isn’t, and it kills him.

Markus: Micheal Myers (Halloween)

While there may be a bit of hesitance for Markus to decide which path he desires to pursue. (Be that pacifism or violence.) Once he has made up his mind, he will follow through without hesitation or a second thought. Quite similar to the way Micheal devotes his life to stalking his sister and completing his “unfinished business.”

While not precisely as bloodthirsty or ruthless as some of the other killers present, Micheal is far from squeamish and is just as capable of ending the life of his victims, or really any who get in his way as any other. And given a choice, Markus is equally competent in this regard.

As a yandere, Markus would really personify Meyer's chilling stalker side. He can easily play with you without making himself visible, maybe even without you noticing anything at all at first. He’s a tricky one to figure out, and even if you do think you understand him, it’s all the more difficult to convince others to see him as dangerous as you do.

Kara: Norman Bates (Psycho)

While she may initially pride herself on her ability to look after those under her care, God only knows what she’s capable of, should one cross her, or try to challenge her by hurting those she’s close to.

It’s practically within both of their DNA to latch onto what provides them with love. She wants above all things to keep those she loves safe, to never abandon them, or in other words, to never let them get away.

The two of them share a demeanor, which would suggest they are far weaker than they actually are. Norman acts particularly secretive and shifty around strangers, and Kara will generally function with her cards close to her chest, never really proving just how strong she is without a good reason to do so.

Hank: Freddy Kruger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

This is a little tricky to explain, but if you view the events which play out in their story as a timeline, there is a massive connection between the two. At the start of their roles in the story, they worked hard to maintain (and even uplift) a positive reputation, however, due to one dramatic change. For Freddy, it’s the discovery of what he’d done to the children of the town, and for Hank, the loss of his son. Which change their lives and reputation forever. For Freddy, this results in the city burning him alive, and for Hank, this leads to a downward spiral of alcoholism, among other self-destructive habits.

Additionally, there’s a common theme of escapism, which connects the two. The way Freddy waits until his victims are asleep, and he has the chance to kill them in their sleep, while Hank’s life is changed by his reliance on alcohol to escape the tragedy of life, and to avoid his own feelings.

Once he eventually does find his passions again, though, be it falling in love with you or managing to re-discover his enthusiasm for his job Hank will peruse these with enthusiasm and passion equal to Freddy’s.

Luther: Pinhead (Hellraiser)

Even though Luther doesn’t hold onto his initially created purpose for long in the game, that doesn’t change the fact the two of them were designed to cause harm and evil. Though admittedly through very different paths, and scales.

Both are far more intelligent than they would likely admit. It’s interesting to note Luther knew how to handle himself well enough while in his master’s home so as not to fall victim to Zlatko’s sadism, but was also competent enough to know when he had a viable means of escape.

When it comes to getting his revenge on his master for the cruelty he caused, Luther doesn’t actually need to use violence to punish Zlatko. Leaving others to handle bringing him to justice, similarly to how Pinhead doesn’t need to use force as a way to intimidate or scare his victims.

North: Damien Thorn (The Omen)

There’s a theme that connects the two. However, this yields vastly different results for each character, respectively. The two fail to really understand their own strength, though, for Damien, this is on account of him undermining his abilities. While for North, this leads to her failure to be a proper leader for Jericho.

Deep down, as a yandere, North wouldn’t actually want to hurt you or give you any reason to fear or resent her. However, she just fails to understand humans in a fundamental way, which results in her accidentally bringing you harm again and again without learning her lesson.

She doesn’t really entirely seem to grasp or take accountability for the way her recklessness and impulsiveness will put others in danger. (The way a violent route can end with Markus getting shot and losing his life.) There’s no way she saw this coming, and only did what she did because she believed the ends would justify the means.

Simon: Rose Armitage (Get Out)

Say what you will about the way Rose betrays Chris at the end of the movie, from the very start she knows precisely where her true loyalties lay, and to the end, she does not compromise this.

Like many of the other androids fighting at Jericho, Simon wouldn’t be anyone’s first choice as a fighter. However, he is willing to prove, through either dying or surviving, he is far more capable than others saw him as. Rose definitely undergoes a change of her own and is far from the person the audience thought her to be at the start of the movie.

While in many ways, Simon would be the type to downplay his own voice and opinions in the name of preserving an overall peace, when it comes to what he has to say in regards to the more significant whole conflict, only then will he say how he really feels.

Josh: Carrie White (Carrie)

There’s a kind of bittersweet parallel which connects the two of them. That being, neither of them would intentionally go out of their way to hurt anyone, Josh, in fact, using most of his screen time to convince Markus from making violent decisions. Yet still, Carrie is eternally remembered for the deaths of her classmates, which died at her hands, and if Markus chooses to peruse violence, as an android, Josh will be remembered for his leader’s cruelty.

Likewise, as a yandere, Josh would hate to cause his love any kind of harm, or even really scare you too much, yet all the same, when pushed to his breaking point, he is just as willing and capable of inflicting pain as any other.

Many would say because of this, then deep down, they really always were this cruel and violent to their core. This is entirely false, however. Deep down, Josh wants nothing more than a happy and willing partner, one who desires to provide him with the love he would give you.

Kamski: Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)

While his innovation and ambition would do well for him in terms of his career, it’s not all it would result in. Many who work closely with Kamski would take discomfort with his icy, stony outer shell, and would at the least distrust him, and at most, detest him.

The two share incredibly high standards both for themselves, as well as for those around them. Kamski will always be remembered for his “test” he forced Connor to complete, and it’s far from a stretch to imagine he would try to force you to undergo some kind of similar test to prove your loyalty to him.

And of course, this is not even to mention their obsession with their own self-image and unclockable narcissism. Elijah’s pension for self-isolation likely a result of the way he feels too caught up with himself to bother sharing company with another; he deems “unworthy.”

Chloe: Jennifer (Jennifer's Body)

She was programmed to be a companion and a servant first and foremost. She was designed to be something which completed another, with any care for her own well being or inner desires left as an afterthought.

As a yandere, it’s interesting to imagine her using this to her own benefit. As in, she would use her own charm and good looks to convince you she means no harm, and after all, how could someone who appears so innocent be up to no good?

Jennifer, as a villain, uses her own good looks and charisma to ensnare her victims, and you can bet Chloe would follow in this lead. She knows how to uses people’s outer perceptions of her against them.

Gavin: Jack Torrance (The Shinning)

There’s not really anything shown of Gavin’s life outside of work, so it’s tricky to gauge what exactly his passions are, however, what is clear is the way once Gavin becomes genuinely passionate about something at work he becomes far more animated and interested in following them through.

In The Shining, Jack balances a deeply nerving combination of both a loving father and husband, and a murderer, and you know as a yandere, Gavin would act eerily similar as well. Just as threatening as he is loving, playing equally as your lover, as well as tormentor.

What is plain to see between the two of them is their absolutely self-serving attitude in regards to themselves, as well as how this extends to others. Gavin doesn’t care who he upsets, or who he steps on to get what he wants, and there’s nothing anyone else to can do about it.

Zlatko: Jigsaw (Saw)

It’s debatable and not precisely well elaborated in the game what it is that motivated Zlatko to be so cruel and evil to androids. However, he does appear interested in testing the limits of what androids are capable of, and what they can endure, persuading a truth Zlatko himself doesn’t quite fully understand. Which in a roundabout way isn’t too far off from Jigsaw.

In his eyes, there is no such thing as a genuinely innocent being, and no one, human or android alike, is free from his pain. This absolutely would extend to you as his lover.

Furthermore, as a yandere, Zlatko would use pain and would continually put you through intense agony as a way to try and chip away at your free will. His end game here would be something like trying to slowly weaken your resolve until you were just as loyal to him as Jigsaw’s followers are to their leader.

Ralph: Annie Wilkes (Misery)

While he may not exactly have Annie’s innocent face, still, Ralph wasn’t programmed to be anything more than a farmer, and because of that, people may not see a real reason to fear him at first.

Unfortunately, he was left traumatized and fundamentally shaken from an attack long ago, which causes his violent mood swings. He can be just as pleasant and happy with you, and he can be cruel and hurtful. Again, even though he may not want to bring you harm, Ralph doesn’t really understand his own actions here and can fall victim to his own anger every now and then.

Additionally, it’s challenging for Ralph to hide any pain or anxiety he feels on the inside, and it’s near impossible for him to stop himself from hurting you during an intense emotional outburst, even if he knows deep down he’ll likely regret this later.

Daniel: The Babadook (The Babadook)

Both of them almost serve as a metaphor for the possible damage which arises from trying to hide your inner pain and feeling from the ones you love. This damage hurting both the host and those around them in the cross-fire.

There is an intense fear Daniel possesses, the fear that if he ever were to be genuinely vulnerable with you or to really show you any of his weakness, then you would just leave him and know how much he relies on you.

A part of him might actually genuinely think it’s for the best to be like this. It’s hard for him to ever really, totally grasp the way his anger and resentment hurts him, and how he doesn’t have any real reason to fear being open with you.

Nines: Hannibal Lector (Silence of the Lambs)

In the single scene, we see of Nines in the game, we know he isn’t there for any kind of a positive reason. He was created to eliminate Connor and send him away fro good. Yet still, as he stands there, Nines is perfectly poised and doesn’t show any kind of outward hostility or malice towards Connor.

His chilling reputation precedes him. Nines is deeply analytical, never failing to notice even the smallest of details, and even if you can’t stand who he is as an individual, it’s easy to see how he earned the position he currently occupies.

As a yandere, he’s all the more analytical and terrifying. Because of that, he wouldn’t feel the need to use any displays of violence to cause you to fear him, and he knows as well as any other the effect he has on you.

[gracie-p8-officialblog]

Spilling Tea On Phantom of the Opera 2004

DISCLAIMER: I just want to say from the start that it is not my intention to offendanyone, you're entitled to your opinions and I'm allowed to have mine...

Ok, so, I just watched this movie a few days ago on my laptop and it was pretty much my first time sitting through the movie. I watched a few clips of the movie on YouTube but... Then, I decided to watch the whole movie. And this was my reaction.

Don't get me wrong! There WERE parts I liked but... That was just half of the movie... But overall... Um... It was meh. Ahem. Down to business!

My opinion on Gerard Butler as the Phantom? Um, wow. And not in a good way. I feel like this was a case of a talented performer being grossly miscast as the Phantom. I think this Tumblr post best describes on what I thought of his singing.

"He's supposed to have the voice of an angel, but it sounds like he's been gargling vinegar" ~Quoted by @faded-florals

Don't get me wrong. His voice is quite good for an untrained singer but... The Phantom is one of the biggest musical theatre roles of all time! It's right up there with Jean Valjean. It's really not a role that could go a competent singer, someone who's never sang professionally before but could be good once they've been trained up a bit. The role demands a truly great singer... And he wasn't right for the part.

His voice felt too strainy, growly and rock-ish for the Phantom. I didn't like how Joel Schumacher bought into the whole "sexy Phantom" thing and cast a hunky heart-throb, who was nowhere near disfigured enough. It's meant to be a gothic thriller novel with a small romantic subplot, not a B-grade vampire romance movie!

As for Emmy Rossum as Miss Christine Daae... it's true, her voice is good. She should know though, should she wish to excel, she has MUCH still to learn (Heeeeehee. Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Emmy's Christine had little-to-no character growth and personality but I don't think it reflects her as an actress, but reflects more on the director and casting director because of how young she was (but more on that later)

Not only that, her Christine was SIGNIFICANTLY dumbed down and oversexualized. I mean, the entire point of the story is that Christine grows strong enough to overcome the trauma of an abusive relationship and make sure that her abuser never hurts anyone ever again but still shows the Phantom compassion and sympathy. I mean, her story arc is her becoming strong-willed enough to overcome the Phantom's pull/spell/enchantment/hypnosis or whatever you percieve it as on her! And don't get me started on her costumes because of the SEVERE lack of modesty.

The chemistry was a little flat because she was underage and her two male love interests were both in their 30s (which totally isn't HER fault, of course, but the directors could easily have cast someone else older)

Her voice, too, strikes me as being much too young and undeveloped. She has a very pretty, sweet-sounding quality to her singing but she doesn't sound rich and operatic enough to be a convincing Christine. Rebecca Caine and Amy Manford do the best job of singing the way I think Christine ought to sound- a maturing opera voice! Though POTO is NOT an opera (you wouldn't believe how many people actually think it is...), it does revolve around opera, and Christine is an opera singer, not a pop star.

And now onto... Everyone's favourite vicomte!!!!!!

C'mon people, put your bottles down. It is a truth universally acknowledged (or at least in the wee Raoul Defense Squad Circle) that Raoul is one of the greatest and most underrated boyfriends to ever exist in musical theatre and it's almost impossible to hate him because of how relatable he is.

Ladies, puh-leeze. He's much more relatable than you admit and face it, we all have a little bit of Raoul in us. Failure to see things staring us in the face, saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, having a 'see it to believe it' attitude when we have little-to-no evidence on something... yeah, don't pretend you don't see a trend. Raoul is relatable whether we want him to be or not.

My thoughts on Patrick Wilson as Raoul, he was one of the few redeeming qualities of this not so great movie. Yeah, the swordfight and Tarzan leaps were a little too much but can you blame him?! And though I feel like that foppish wig made him look more like a magic elf prince than a vicomte, he couldn't control that!

His Raoul was so gentle and caring! Yeah, his acting was a bit stiff but at least his voice wasn't a chore to listen to, it has this warm, tender, comforting quality to it which suits Raoul. I really loved the way he sang "Don't throw away your life for my sake" and "I fought so hard to free you" in the Final Lair (😭😭😭) It feels like Raoul is genuinely apologising to Christine.

I know, I know... The Hadley Fraser fans are approaching with menacing expressions as we speak but let me clarify. I still think Hadley is amazing but... His Raoul kinda felt a little too shouty for me and his Raoul was closer to the LND-canon than POTO-canon (not his fault though).

Miranda Richardson (aka. Rita Skeeter) as Madame Giry is kind of weird. I mean, I know Madame Giry's supposed to be a little Strange and Mysterious. But this Mme. wasn't really Strange or Mysterious at all, or even slightly Spooky at all. She was just kind of an oddball. Popping up in random places to give warnings about the Phantom and looking at people as if she were questioning their life choices or something. As for her daughter... well, Jennifer Ellison's Meg was so-so. She's got a sweet-sounding voice and that added scene where she looked for Christine in the lair was a nice touch... But... Her Meg was kinda forgettable and uninteresting. Meg is supposed to prance around shrieking that the Phantom of the Opera is here, not whisper it in a blase manner that you half expect to be followed up with, "by the way, what's for lunch?" Not to mention, she rivaled Christine as far as low-necked costumes went.

Minnie Driver as Carlotta was spot on! Yes, I know she didn't sing the score but her acting was alright. She was very over-the-top and self-centered, which is great for Carlotta, but I felt her portrayal was a little too childish to be accurate. Carlotta is a successful middle-aged diva who's willing to scream and storm when she doesn't get her way, but she isn't a two-year-old pouting and throwing tantrums. (Yes, there's a difference.)

Ciaran Hinds and Simon Callow played Firmin and Andre, respectively. Their managers kinda felt like twits and nothing more. Also, Firmin's masquerade costume was ridiculous. The stupid kind, not the funny kind. ...Well, okay, it was a little funny.

I'm not going to touch on every song here, but I will say that "Hannibal" was beyond awful (if you thought the costumes in the stage version were a bit risque, you should see the movie ones- no, actually you shouldn't) and that "Think of Me," while very nice, was not particularly memorable. Christine's dress, however (despite its less-than-ideal neckline) was GORGEOUS, even though it looks completely out of place in a musical that supposedly takes place in ancient Alexandria.

"Little Lotte" kinda lost its charm by being spoken instead of sung. And Gerard Butler's voice in "The Mirror" was too rough and raspy for my ears and made me cringe in sympathetic shame. The title song was like a cheesy, campy B-grade horror movie tbh, trying way too hard to be spooky and chilling ("ooh, look, Phantom's Lair! It's DARK and SCARY down here!") and succeeding only in being cringeworthy. Not that I've actually ever seen a bad horror movie- or any horror movie at all, for that matter. Unless you count this one.

Christine's costume, too, annoyed me no end. She was basically wearing a corset and drawers under the dressing gown. *facepalm* The dressing gown is supposed to go OVER your COSTUME to keep it CLEAN, peeps. It's not a BATHROBE. And the amount of eye makeup she had on would terrify a raccoon. Yikes.

Though I liked the random horse because of its nod to the Leroux novel.

"Music of the Night" was so blah-slash-touchy-feely that it made me summarily uncomfortable.

I'd like to be able to say something nice about "I remember/Stranger than you dreamt it" but I have none. One thing that bugged me to no end was how Christine is no longer wearing stockings, like dude, that gives some GROSS implications. Anyways, let's skip to Il Muto!

Oh, but first I should say that "Notes" was rather a flop and that "Prima Donna" is unmemorable and indeed should probably be fast-forwarded as there's a rather unsavory bit involving a crew member showing the audience what he thinks of Carlotta's behaviour.

"Il Muto," I must say, was pretty doggone funny. Carlotta's "Your part is silent. Leetle toad," cracked me up into a bunch of giggling little pieces, and the little vignette of the Phantom tinkering with Carlotta's throat spray made her croaking later on a lot more believable.

Now for "All I Ask Of You", SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I honestly can't understand how anyone could listen to this song and still maintain that Christine and Raoul don't belong together. He represents everything she needs- stability, protection, a guiding hand and affirmed affection. She represents everything he needs, in turn- someone to show affection to and his childhood friend.

One thing I definitely think could have been left out was the scene in which Erik kills Buquet- we totally did not need to see him being chased, terrified, through the rafters and finally strangled. Gross.

And the Phantom and his rose crouching behind that statue... I think this was supposed to be sad, but there was too much snot mixed with tears for it to be sad. It was, again, gross. So was Gerard Butler's pathetic attempt at the "all that the Phantom asked of you" line. And the lack of a chandelier crash in that scene made the song anticlimactic.

And "Masquerade" was so-so but... The Phantom's entrance is anticlimactic somehow, and his Red Death costume (if indeed it's supposed to even BE the Red Death) is unimpressive. I don't like how Raoul just runs off to desert Christine as soon as things start looking ugly (yes, I realize he was going to get his sword, but still... something could have happened to her while he was gone. Duh, did this guy learn anything from "Little Lotte/The Mirror"? Just sayin)

As for Madame Giry's flashback immediately following, I like how it gives us some of the Phantom's backstory, but it seems really abrupt. You don't even realize until she's done that she was talking to Raoul the whole time- it sounds like she's just randomly reminiscing about Stuff, and if you didn't know the story you might be sitting there thinking, "who is this strange woman again?"

Also, Christine leaving wherever-it-is at, like, five in the morning to go to who-knows-where, completely oblivious to the fact that the Phantom is driving her. Whaaaaaaaaa? How'd he know she was planning to go for a graveyard stroll? Was he watching her through the mirror again? THAT'S JUST CREEPY.

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" was rather mediocre and dulled down the fact that it is a Christine Empowerment™ song. Why, exactly, does Christine's father have the biggest monument in the cemetery? If he were a rich and famous violinist as his crypt seems to suggest, why on earth was his daughter struggling along as a chorus girl taking free music lessons?

The swordfight... Well... I had mixed feelings about it. Sword fights are all well and good, but... The swordfight takes away the element of mysterious danger to the Phantom. Okay, fine, Christine getting Raoul to spare the Phantom's life is a nice touch, I guess, but did it strike no one else that his "now let it be war upon you BOTH" makes absolutely NO sense after that? If she just saved his life, why would he suddenly be all, "thanks, but no thanks, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUUUUUUUUUU"?

And "Twisted Every Way" was after "Wishing" which made ZERO sense. Plus, I didn't like how they cut most of it because in the musical, it gave Christine a spine!

"Point of No Return"? Hooooooo boy....... There are so many things wrong with this number. Let's just a list a few.

*HOW did no one recognise the Phantom through his "disguise"?! At least in the stage play, it made more sense because of how he was wearing a cloak that obscured most of his body.

*Christine's sleeves falling down over and over again were REALLY annoying.

*It was just too touchy-feely for my taste.

*The fact that Emmy Rossum was a teenager during filming made this scene gross because of the way they oversexualized Christine in this scene.

*Gerard Butler's voice in that scene made me cringe and shake my head in sympathetic shame.

*In the stage play, Christine ran from him, showing her own agenda and resistance to his pull! While in the movie, she didn't resist him!

*Now for the one that took the cake... The disfigurement! Or it would be a disfigurement if it actually made him look, y'know, deformed. Instead, as several people have put it, he looks like he got a bad sunburn or something. It's really rather pathetic. It makes him look more like a drama queen than he already is! Yeah.... I really don't like this movie.

On to... Final Lair!!!!!!!! It was a flop. From Raoul's whining and flailing around and his stringy hair flopping about (shallow complaint, I know, but it's so ugly) to Christine's sappy melodramatic "don't make me choooooooose" faces to the Phantom's prancing around with his ropes and maniacal laughter that somehow wasn't really scary at all... yeah, it was a flop. A major, major flop. And though The Kiss wasn't all that bad, all I could think of was, "She's SIXTEEN! SIX! TEEN! THIS IS CREEPY, DISTURBING AND GROSS!"

Which is why it's so difficult for me to admit that, um, I... cried at the end.

I COULDN'T HELP IT GUYS HE WAS ALL ALONE THERE IN HIS LAKE WITH HIS MONKEY AND HIS SMASHED MIRRORS AND HE WAS CRYING AND IT WAS SAD.

And then that rose on the gravestone? That single red rose? And the look on Old Raoul's face (still Patrick Wilson, by the way, under all that makeup) when he saw it and realized he wasn't the only one visiting Christine's grave? Yup, I lost it again there, too. And I really didn't want to. Because I tend to cry over movies I love, y'know? And I didn't love this movie. At all

Yet I still cried at the end. I'm not really sure why. I think perhaps it had something to do with the way the story still "got" me, deep down inside, despite the lousy casting and less-than-perfect singing and ridiculously unnecessary elements that totally didn't need to be there. It's still a tragically beautiful romance, and even a bad film can't kill that.

In conclusion, I think Mary Poppins can best express what I thought of POTO 2004.

In conclusion, I rate it a 2.7/5

[king-b0mbastic]

Detroit: Become A Christmas Carol

A birthday gift for @ask-markus-dbh (happy vagina escape day uwu) 

~*~

North and Markus hadn’t spoken in days, aside from giving speeches together and passing orders. In fact, Markus hadn’t spoken to anyone. North had tried to talk to him, but he had hissed at her with a glare for entering the sacred sanctuary that had been Carl’s room. It had been a wrong move, and icy looks had been thrown his way every time he had passed his lover in the hallway. It wounded him deeply, knowing that the frosted front that North was putting up was a facade, a cover for how much she was hurt. She and Markus were the only ones left from the original Jericho, and with both Josh and Simon dead, they had to stick together. In retrospect, or in at least in Markus’ opinion, it was for the best. Best be pained while he was still here, and not when he gone to the other side.

Markus played idly with the gun in his hands. What was that game that Connor’s human had used to play? Oh yeah, Russian Roulette. He loaded the chamber, spun the cylinder, and placed the muzzle under his chin. Simon’s heart thudded warningly in his chest, or was that just anticipation? Markus paused momentarily, wondering what he was leaving behind. How would the revolution fare? How would his people feel? ...How would North feel? ...He pulled the trigger.

Markus jolted at the sharp bang that the sound produced, but nothing else happened. The android drew a heavy sigh and was about to spin the cylinder again when a gentle hand fell gently on his shoulder. “Markus, what are you doing?” The voice was soft, and wise with time.

“C-Carl?” Who else would it be? Markus turned around in shock, and there he was. The revered artist sat in his wheelchair, a knowing smile on his lips. Markus froze for a second, before moving to tap his father on the shoulder with a trembling hand. His form was solid. Carl’s smile grew wider, and he grasped his son’s arm. “Hi, son.” He said. Markus’ face shrivelled, and he all but collapsed into his arms, pathetic sobs tearing their way from his throat. “C-Carl, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

Carl cut him off, rubbing a soothing hand down his back. “Hey, it’s alright. I’m okay.” Markus’ weeping only increased tenfold.

“Don’t s-say that! Don’t say that! I killed you, Carl, I killed you! You would still be alive if only I had kept my emotions in check!” It suddenly occurred to the android that he was embracing his deceased father. He wrenched away from Carl to look at him more clearly, his tears blurring his vision. “How are you even still here?”

The human neatly sidestepped the question, looking over at Markus’ side, where the gun lay on the table. He looked back at Markus, whose eyes were still shiny with tears, and opened his arms again. “Oh, Markus…” He murmured sympathetically. Markus eagerly fell into his embrace again, sobs wracking his already tired frame. “Mark, what hurt you? What hurt you so bad that you would try to do … that?” Words couldn’t come out fast enough for Markus to explain. It was all just a mess of survivor’s guilt and self-hatred, which had led to distance from relationships, which only strengthened the cycle. But Carl listened through it, nonjudgmental like the good father he was. When Markus was finished, the hug was tightened and Markus slumped in it, energy spent. A soft voice whispered in his ear. “Markus, you need to communicate with them, not snap at them every time they approach you. Your people need guidance, not criticism.”

“I don’t know Carl, I’m just so stressed…”

Carl hummed quietly but made no response. Markus was fine with that, just content to feel the warmth of his human’s embrace.

“...Remember that time I tried to teach you how to knit?” Markus opened his mouth to respond. A cartoonish slurping noise interrupted him, and before he knew it the android was falling through a kind of abyss. Darkness encompassed him, and Markus tried to let out a terrified shriek, but the void shoved itself into his mouth, telling him to stuff it.

…

Markus hit the floor with a thud, landing heavily on his side. He immediately scrambled up again, and found he was on the outside the living room. He hadn’t fallen that far? RK200 opened the door, and did a double take. There he was, wearing his indoor clothing, and ...Carl? Knitting material was still wrapped up in the table, and the other Markus was trying to lightly persuade his father of something, but to no apparent avail.

“Carl, I can simply download the software we need to make it, you don’t need to teach me.”

“Nonsense, Markus. We die like men. Besides, I want to see you do it. What can you design?”

The android gave a resigned sigh. “As you wish, Carl.” The real Markus stood silent in the doorway, dumbfounded. He watched as the pair got to work, unwrapping the package and getting out the instruments. Several times, Other Markus pricked his fingers, and he always winced in pain. Carl never once snapped at him, but gently retold him the steps. Eventually, Markus got the hang of it, and a wide grin of delight spread across his lips. “Look Carl, I did it!”

Carl gave a gentle smile, and clapped him on the back.

“So you did Markus, so you did. Well done, kid.” The RK200 shone a deep blue of glee at the praise. Back in the doorway, a small smile graced the other’s lips. He remembered what happened next. Markus had then moved on to create a bobble hat with Carl’s face on it, (“Of course you did Markus, of course you did.”

“Why? Did I not make it how you prefer? I can make another one-“ There was some sadness to his tone, not very well smothered.

“What? No! This is fridge-worthy! I’m just saying that this is so like you, you lovable idiot.” Markus’ face glowed again. The next morning, it was actually on the fridge. Carl simply gave him a fond exasperated sigh, and Markus had to bite down a laugh that was bubbling in his chest.) A pang of remorse impaled him, and sadly he watched the pair.

Other Markus wheeled Carl to the kitchen, and Hallway Markus was about to follow him, when somehow Carl appeared behind him. “You didn’t know the all the steps Markus.” Markus turned to face him, and Carl gave him a wise smile. “You were clumsy, but you learnt, and then you could do it by yourself.”

“But I needed your help several times…” Carl nodded. “Carl, why did you show me this?”

“Because this is a reflection. Your people don’t know what it means to be alive, so they look to you for direction. They need you to be patient with them, so they can learn to do it by themselves.”

Markus was about to open his mouth to say more, when the floor vanished from under him again. Flailing, Carl’s last words echoed in his ears. “You’re like a father to them.” Then he hit the floor.

~*~

Or at least he thought he had. Markus awoke with a jolt, cracking an eye open at his surroundings. The android was still at the desk, and one of Carl’s portraits gazed down on his son. Markus could have sworn it winked. Then his eyes flicked to the silver pistol, and everything came rushing back. North hated him, his people were probably doomed, and his other two companions and father were dead. Fun times.

Markus gave a heavy sigh, and reached towards the gun again. The fading sunlight caused it to give an alluring glint, and entranced, Markus reached for it in a daze. A sudden thought crossed his mind, about what death would be like, probably a short snap of pain, then peace. Peace, when all he’d brought about was destruction. Maybe Josh had been right…

A voice muttered in the back of his head telling him to stop, saying stuff like how the revolution needs you, how our people need you,  North needs you, also if Carl already spoke to you why am I here- nO PUT THAT GUN DOWN RIGHT NOW, OH MY RA9 HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT BEFORE-

A hand wrenched the gun away from him, and threw it away, the silver flashing as it clattered across the floor. Markus whipped around to find the PJ500 staring at him in absolute shock. The two locked eyes for a minute, before Josh stepped forward awkwardly, and hesitantly clasped his arms around him. There was a beat before Markus returned it, sagging into the embrace.

“Please don’t do that Markus…” Josh murmured. Markus’ response was to bury his face into his friend’s shoulder.

“Why… why would you care what I did if I got you killed?” The other stiffened, and Markus tightened his grip, afraid that the other would try and leave him. “Josh, everyone’s dead, I pulled them into war, I pulled you into war, and now you’re dead!”  Markus was starting to shake, and Josh pulled him closer. “And now North’s and I are arguing and I don’t want to argue but we do and it’s my fault and I don’t want to lose her too—“ Josh cut him off.  

“You’re not going to lose her. North loves you. I know she does, and she will stick through hell with you.”  Markus wiped his face on the PJ500’s sweater, who only grimaced slightly. “How the hell do you know?” Josh snorted.

“I was stuck on a ship with her for two years. I think I know how that crazy gal operates.” Markus chuckled softly, before sighing and resting his head on Josh’s shoulder. He suddenly felt exhausted. Josh seemed to notice this.

“Dude, when was the last time you took a break?” Markus stared at him incredulously.

“A break, in the middle of a war?” Josh blinked.

“Not a holiday, just like… 30 minutes. Just you and North, or not even that.”

Markus scoffed.

“Josh, I love you, but that is the stupidest thing you’ve said to me.” The taller scowled.

“Then, pray tell, how are you going be able to stop being so snappy? Believe me, you need to take a break.” That cartoonish slurping crept up on Markus, and Josh released to him to the void.

…

Markus fell on the top of the stairs, but toppled onto the first stair and rolled down the rest. He came to a stop with moan, and contemplating staying on the floor and not moving, ever. Was this some sort of karma? Eventually, some unbidden force dragged Markus to his feet. He staggered to his feet and wandered to the living room. Other Markus was there again, but his innocent look was gone, replaced by a hardened but somewhat weary resolve. He crossed his arms and sat back. North sat across from him.

“We lost bases 5 and 4. The surviving androids have scattered, and they seek refuge.” Her face twisted with anger and sympathy as she said this. Markus sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.

“Can’t we send them to 3 and 6?”

“Too full. And we have better supplies. We can’t just turn them away, Markus.” There was a small note of pleading in her tone, barely noticeable.

“We’re overpopulated as we are, we can barely accept another 50, let alone 4 times that…” North’s face scowled.

“So what do we do, leave them out there to die?” No response. Her face scowled deeper.

“North, the more people we have, the more the balance that we put in place is tipped over. We have to rationalise the resources or else—“

“What’s the point of having a revolution if no one is left alive?” Her words cut deep. She sounded like Josh, too much like Josh. North saw his brief pain, and a silver of regret passed through her face before it died.

“You’re the one who wanted a violent revolution, just because of some grudge you have against humans...” He muttered under his breath. and immediately regretted it. Markus had struck a chord. She jumped up and got right in his face, hissing.

“I was raped, used and abused. It’s not just some silly grudge Markus, it’s a fucking righteous animosity. But of course, you wouldn’t know that,” Her face twisted into a sneer. “Pretty, pampered Markus didn’t know shit until his father up and left him. And good riddance!” Markus was too stunned to reply. Before he could, his girlfriend(?) straightened and flipped her hair. “Now, if you ex-fucking-scuse me, I’m off to go tell some unfortunate 200 people that they’re going to die outside tonight, thanks to their benevolent leader.” She left without waiting for answer.

North stormed past recently-fallen-down-the-stairs Markus without a glance, her face twisted in a scowl. Only he could see the tell-tale embers of hurt that burned behind her eyes, and his heart thumped with her hurt.

“See what I mean?” Josh was suddenly behind him, and he was sympathetically drinking a Capri-thirium.

“...Did you just raid my fridge.” The glowing damage on Josh’s side that Markus had just noticed flickered in embarrassment.

“...I was hungry. You have the good stuff, don’t blame me.” Markus just sighed. “Like I said, you both work your asses off, and then you snap at each other. Don’t take a holiday, take a break. Breathe for once in your goddamn life.”

“I don’t need to breathe, I’m an android. I’m supposed to be able to go extended periods without rest. I’ll be fine—“

“Markus, I love you, but that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“But what if i take a goddamn break and someone needs my help? What if something simple I could have done turn into a bigger problem? What if—“

“No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. If you’re taking a break, North can handle it. Alternate.” Markus gave a uncharacteristic pout. Josh sighed.

“Just… take care of yourself, okay? The revolution needs you.” Markus nodded in silence. “...By the way, you owe me five bucks.”

“Why?”

“I told you that I would probably die in the crossfire and I did. Pay up.”

“Later. Did you come back here just to tell me this?”

“No, I came back to check on my lovable idiots.”

“And my fridge.”

“...And the fridge.” Markus let out a small laugh, and Josh smiled bashfully. He opened his arms, and Markus gave him one last hug.

“Stay safe, you fucking dumbass, alright?” The PJ500 murmured. Markus opened his mouth to reply, but then he was falling again.

~*~

He didn’t pick up the gun this time. Instead, he lay with his head in his hands in silence. A book fell on his head, and it opened to a page about breathing exercises. Markus groaned as he rubbed his head, then rested his chin on the book. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was ...scared. Scared of what the humans were capable of. Scared of what could happen to the last remaining monument he had about the original Jericho. Anything could happen! Markus knows he should have heart but…

A rustling from the ceiling made him look up, then shriek and fall off the chair. Simon was floating in a star-shape pose and just lethargically turning in circles. He looked down on Markus lazily.

“Hey.” There was a hole in his chest, where a thirium regulator should have been.

“The hell you doing on the ceiling?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m floating.”

“...How?” Simon shrugged, then came down to lay across the table, resting his head on his hands.

“I’ve come to tell you to not waste my thirium regulator, please.” He said this without appropriate concern, even winking.  

“S-simon, I…”

“You’re concerned about whether or not you can lead the revolution to success. Let me tell you now, only you can do it. Not even North.” Markus looked offended, crossing his arms from where he lay on the floor and frowning.

“Simon, I’ll have you know that despite her fiery nature, North can keep a level-head and can lead just as well as I can. If this about the time she told me to shoot you—“ Simon waved a hand to shut him up.

“No, no. It’s not about that. I know she could lead perfectly well. It’s just that- you won’t understand.”

“I have all day.”

“...There’s this guy called David Cage, yeah? And he’s a dick. That’s why North can’t lead her revolution.”

“Wha-?”

“Don’t worry, there’s about… 324 people who are against this.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Told you so. Also everyone seems to like me, and say I’m the soft, pacifist one.”

“But isn’t that Josh?”

“Precisely. I don’t understand.” Simon shook his head. “That’s not what I’m here for.” Markus sighed again, and lay back.

“Simon, approximately 208 people have died because of my incompetence, which is more blood than the humans.”

“That’s because this is war, Markus. There will be casualties. But you need to lead us, Markus. You’re the only one who can.” His tone was almost pleading. Markus looked back at him dejectedly.

“Show me. Show me a future where I’m not in it. It’s better than this.”

“Is it really?” Cue cartoonish slurping noise.

…

Markus face-planted into the snow, and climbed out of a Markus-shaped hole. Someone really liked throwing him around. Dazed, he looked around. It was the abandoned church graveyard, and North was there. She fingered the rose that was left by the grave.

“I never hated you, you know,” She murmured gently. Markus came to stand next to her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, but it had the opposite effect. North started shaking, tears threatening to overflow. “You can’t just leave me like this! You can’t just… go! I need you! I…” She couldn't finish; she fell to her knees, trembling. North was weeping, and Markus couldn’t do anything to help. She cried until she had no strength left, then got up suddenly. There was a fire that had suddenly ignited. North grabbed the rifle that had been discarded and strode with a new purpose back to the church.

“We’re going to win this,” She called over her shoulder. “You’ll see.” Markus watched her disappear, before looking back at the name of the grave. It said his name.

Unnerved, he rushed after the WR200, wrenching open the door she had just slammed shut. A blizzard immediately struck him, and he hugged himself, shivering. He turned back for the door, but it had vanished.

“North? North, where are you?” Markus called out to the barren plain. He kept calling her, over and over, staggering with each step. Eventually, he found some footsteps, but they lead back the way he came. The poor RK200 had been going in circles. Exhausted, he took a doddering step, and promptly tripped.

He twisted, to see whatever had tripped him. North’s sightless eyes stared back at him. He was up immediately, cradling her face between his hands. “North? North, please wake up. North…” His voice became small and pleading. His hand lay across her side, and it came away blue. The rifle in North’s hands lay loose in her grip. Markus couldn’t speak, all he could do was lay his tearful face, and cry.

“I’m sorry, Markus.” Simon was next to him, the harsh wind ruffling his blonde hair. The deviant leader didn’t bother to look at him. “You had to see this. This is the harsh, brutal future that lies in store for us all. This is what happens if you die.” No response. Simon sighed, then let out a small oof as the shorter embraced him. Markus was shaking as he sobbed into Simon’s shoulder, and the other just held him. He was babbling with fear, and the PL600 muttered reassurances.

“Have heart, Markus. Just have heart.” Tiredly, Markus nodded.

“Now if you excuse me, I’m off to take a nap.” And he floated away, like a wayward balloon in the wind. A sassy, fingerless-gloved blonde balloon. And then the void vored Markus.

~*~

“Markus, Markus. Markus! Get your ass off the chair. They want you.” Markus jolted awake, and his eyes focused on the scowling face of North. She turned without saying anything, almost halfway out the door when Markus called her back.

“North! North, please wait.”

“What?” She snapped, and Markus simply held his hand out, skin shimmering away. North stared it, looking back at Markus with scornful disbelief. He had almost lowered it when she snatched it back, curiosity getting the better of her. An unspoken apology, feelings laid bare, soft blue glow in the darkness. She slowly released his hands, feeling how unfairly big they were. He blinks, eyes wide and vulnerable.

“North, I understand if you don’t accept-“ He’s cut off by a fond smooch to the cheek, and then another lands on his lips.

“Shut up, you big worrywart. Right now.” He smiles, for the first time in a long time. Outside, the snowy church bells toll, signalling the dawn of Christmas day.

[antoine-roquentin]

In 2015, Ukraine’s president signed a law whose critics say stifles debate on the historical record of World War II and whitewashes local perpetrators of the Holocaust.

Law 2538-1 criminalized any rhetoric insulting to the memory of anti-communist partisans. And it celebrates the legacy of such combatants – ostensibly including the ones who murdered countless Jewish and Polish citizens while collaborating with Nazi Germany.

The law generated some backlash, including an open letter by more than 70 historians who said it “contradicts the right to freedom of speech,” ignores complicity in the Holocaust and would “damage Ukraine’s national security.”

But as with similar measures in Europe’s ex-communist nations, the Ukraine law generated little opposition or even attention internationally — especially when compared to the loud objections to a similar measure in Poland that was signed into law on Tuesday by the president. The law had passed both houses of parliament in recent days. The United States and Israel joined historians and Israel’s Yad Vashem Holocaust authority in decrying the bill.

“The Ukrainian and Polish laws are similar, but in Ukraine’s case we didn’t see anything even close” to the avalanche of condemnations that Poland received, said Eduard Dolinsky, director of the Ukrainian Jewish Committee and a longtime campaigner against Holocaust revision in Ukraine. “I wish we had; maybe this law could have been stopped in Ukraine.”

To activists like Dolinsky, the singling out of Poland reflects the ongoing politicization of the debate on Eastern Europe’s bloody World War II history. They say the conversation is distorted by geopolitical tensions involving Russia, populism, ignorance and unresolved national traumas.

There are clear similarities between the Ukrainian and Polish laws, according to Alex Ryvchin, a Kiev-born Australian-Jewish journalist and author who has written about the politics of memory in Eastern Europe.

“Both seek to use the legitimacy and force of law to enshrine an official narrative of victimhood, heroism and righteousness while criminalizing public discussion of historical truths that contradict or undermine these narratives,” he said. Yet, he noted, “The reaction to the Polish law has indeed dwarfed the response to persistent state revisionism elsewhere in Europe in spite of the fact that the rate of collaboration was generally lower in Poland than in Ukraine and Latvia.”

The Baltic nations of Lithuania and Latvia were pioneers in nationalist legislation that limits discourse about the Holocaust in their territories. Critics say these laws also shift the blame for the murder of Jews, which was done with local helpers, to Nazi Germany alone. They also seem to equate the Nazi genocide with political repression by the Soviet Union – which many in the former Soviet Union blame on Jewish communists.

In 2010 Lithuania — a country where Nazi collaborators virtually wiped out a Jewish community of 250,000 — amended its criminal code, prescribing up to two years in jail to anyone who “denies or grossly underestimates” the crime of genocide or “other crimes against humanity or war crimes committed by the USSR or Nazi Germany against Lithuanian residents.”

Similar legislation in Latvia from 2014 imposes up to five years in jail for those who deny the role of “the foreign powers that have perpetrated crimes against Latvia and the Latvian nation,” without mentioning the involvement of Latvian SS volunteers in murdering nearly all of the country’s 70,000 Jews.

The denial of local culpability during the Holocaust is at the root of opposition to Poland’s law, which sets a maximum of six years in jail for “whoever accuses, publicly and against the facts, the Polish nation or the Polish state of being responsible or complicit in the Nazi crimes committed by the Third Reich” or ”grossly diminishes the responsibility of the actual perpetrators.” On Tuesday, President Andrzej Duda said he would sign the laws (which he did later in the day), finalizing them, but also refer them for review by Poland’s highest court.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who in the past has been criticized for not calling out his country’s Eastern European allies on these issues, called the Polish legislation “baseless” and said Israel opposed it. The U.S. State Department in a statement suggested it could have “repercussions” for bilateral relations with Poland.

Israeli Education Minister Naftali Bennett’s scheduled visit to Poland this week was canceled after he criticized the law, which Israel’s embassy in Poland said was generating anti-Semitic hate speech in the media.

Back in Israel, the Polish Embassy condemned what it called ignorant remarks by Yair Lapid, a prominent opposition leader. Citing his credentials as the son of a Holocaust survivor, Lapid said the Polish law is designed to hide how Poland was “a partner in the Holocaust.”

Jewish organizations, including the Simon Wiesenthal Center, said for their part that they understand the Polish frustration with terms like “Polish death camps,” which seem to shift the blame for Nazi war crimes to Poland – one of the few Nazi-occupied countries where the Nazis did not allow any measure of self-rule or integrate locals into the genocide.

And the term is especially offensive in Poland, where the Nazis killed at least 1.9 million non-Jews in addition to at least 3 million Jews.

But, many Jewish groups added, the legislation in Poland ignores how many Poles betrayed or killed Jews and is therefore detrimental to the preservation of historical record and free speech.

Dolinsky in Ukraine isn’t a fan of the Polish legislation, either.

“But I don’t quite understand why it and only it provoked such a strong reaction,” he added. “We needed that strong reaction two years ago in Ukraine. This fight needs to apply to all these cases. For the pressure to be effective, it shouldn’t be selective.”

Dolinsky believes that Ukraine — which, unlike Poland, shares a border with Russia — is getting a free pass from the West because it is subjected to hostility from Russia under President Vladimir Putin.

In 2014, Russia annexed Crimea from Ukraine amid ongoing psychological warfare against the Baltic nations, often involving the deployment of Russia’s mighty army around those countries in blunt loudspeaker diplomacy.

“There is a lot of Russophobic sentiment worldwide and it means international silence on countries with a conflict with Russia,” said Joseph Koren, chairman of the Latvia Without Nazism group.

“Poland and Hungary are in a different category,” agreed Dovid Katz, a scholar of Yiddish in Lithuania and longtime campaigner against Holocaust distortion there. The singling out of Poland and Hungary, he said, is “not least because the issues of the Holocaust, anti-Semitism and restrictions on democratic expression in these countries have never been perceived primarily through the same binary lens of pro-and anti-Putin.”

Under that alleged cover of silence, in Ukraine and the Baltic countries there is a rapid lifting on taboos that had been in place for decades on the honoring of war criminals, even including SS volunteers who enthusiastically participated in the mass killings of Jews and Poles.

Largely ignored by the international media, Latvian President Raimonds Vejonis last week gave the final approval for a law that offers financial benefits to all World War II veterans – including SS volunteers who murdered Jews. Latvia is the only country in the world known to have an annual march by SS veterans, which takes place with the approval of authorities’ on the country’s national day in the center of its capital, sometimes with mainstream politicians in attendance.

Last year, the municipality of Kalush near Lviv in Ukraine decided to name a street for Dmytro Paliiv, a commander of the 14th Waffen Grenadier Division of the SS, also known as the 1st Galician.

Ukraine’s state television observed a moment of silence for the first time last year for Symon Petliura, a nationalist killed by a Jewish communist for Petliura’s role in the murder of 35,000 to 50,000 Jews in a series of pogroms between 1918 and 1921, when Petliura was head of the Ukrainian People’s Republic.

“There is less willingness to speak out on Ukraine in media, in the scientific community and in Western governments, so it seems,” Dolinsky said.

But this alleged turning of a blind eye, he added, is a disservice. “Ukraine needs to join Europe as a civilized member of that family of nations. And for that to happen, it needs to speak honestly and openly about its history,” he said.

To Ryvchin, the Australian author, the “particularly forceful reaction to the Polish law is likely because Poland is seen as the epicenter of the Holocaust,” he said. The Germans built extermination camps only in Poland, according to Holocaust historian Efraim Zuroff.

“Any attempt to distort or disguise what happened in Poland is seen as a particularly egregious attack on the history of the Holocaust and the memories of the dead,” Ryvchin said.

Ironically, Poland is perhaps singled out for criticism because of the country’s vocal civil society and the lively debate it is generating over the politics of memory, Katz suggested.

Even today, he said, Poland and Hungary “have robust liberal movements that themselves counter official government policy on many issues — unlike the Baltics, where dissent is often quashed using the full force of the law.”

[ficsforfangirls]

Favorite Fanfiction (That I’ve Written)

A Tomco where Star accidentally gives Marco hypothermia and calls upon Tom to keep him warm while she finds a cure.I’m going to link some of my favorite fanfiction - that I’ve written. I’ve decided to link my Top 10 Faves out of a total of 108 fanfiction stories between my Fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own profiles. I do have some stories that are on both platforms, but there are plenty of stories that are exclusive to either website. Not all of my work on there is perfect, I’ve not always edited my work and I’ve been doing this for 12 years (though I think the oldest work I’ve left posted is from 2011). As I’ve gotten older, the work quality has improved, but that being said - this list is going to be the stories I’m most proud of and felt the happiest with when I was finished writing them.

So I’ll tag the story, include the fandom and the summary below the linked title. These are in no particular order. I will also have a small, bolded explanation why each story has made it onto this list. 1. A Hazard to Myself

(Harry Potter, Post-War)

This song!fic inspired by "Don't Let Me Get Me" by P!NK showcases Draco Malfoy reflecting with and talking to his psychiatrist - because he's not handling life after the war very well. TW: Mentions of alcohol abuse and self-harm, only in passing with absolutely no details of those acts.

This piece is one of those stories where the ending line was so powerful to me, and that song meant so much to me growing up, that I can’t ever read it without getting chills. Perhaps it could have been written better with fewer constraints, but the impact of it doesn’t change for me. This story always moves me every time I revisit it.

2. Dear Reader

(Harry Potter, Golden Era)

(5th Year - Assumed/Slight AU) Hermione decides the Hogwarts Library needs a piece of Muggle literature. Even though she doesn't expect anyone to find it, let alone respond to it, she is surprised when it is sent back to her within a couple of days – and with a letter, wouldn't you believe it? {rated based on future chapters}

This was the first wildly popular story I’d done in my fanfiction career. I even entered it into a contest to have it published after reworking it as an original piece. However, I was naive at the time and I didn’t edit it enough to get the votes. Still, it remains one of my favorites because I took something I loved from two different stories and made it my own so much so that it was wildly well received. I will always be proud of what I accomplished with this story.

3. Forever & Always, Clara

(Doctor Who, 12th Doctor)

This piece is a letter written to the Doctor as a means for Clara to say a proper and final farewell to the man who has so radically defined her life.

This was just a personal piece. I didn’t write it for any particular reason other than I was inspired to do so. I loved these characters together and by themselves separately. Losing them on the show was difficult and I wanted a more solid closure. I wrote this entirely for myself but I felt that, despite the distinct lack of popularity, it was still a good piece all together.

4. I Don’t F-cking Care

(Carry On)

This fanfiction depicts the struggles that Simon Snow and Baz Grimm-Pitch experience in their relationship that starts with them being enemies, how their timing is never quite right, and big life changes that force them to reassess what truly matters when it comes to their love for each other. ! Please review disclaimer thoroughly prior to reading this piece to avoid triggers !

Thanks to my good friend @ouranose - I got into the Carry On fandom. I had already read Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell, so it wouldn’t have been long before I got into it on my own, but she jumpstarted the process. It’s been a great time, of course, and one of my comfort fandoms now. What I really enjoyed about this one was that it was dark and imperfect and realistic and true to the blurry nature of their relationship. It’s one of the longest one-shot pieces I’ve ever written, and for that reason alone, on of those stories I’ll never forget. I put a lot of work into it and I think it shows.

5. Library Kisses

(Harry Potter, Golden Era)

This story details the romance of Hermione and Harry after a late night kiss through the Battle of Hogwarts. Hermione, Harry and Ron learn about each other and evolve as couples and friends along the way. Rated T, but may contain some M chapters.

Yikes? I shouldn’t start this by saying ‘yikes’ about the story. I wrote this many years ago, when I was very young (18 years old, just out of high school). I had a child in high school and drew heavily on the experience of being an intelligent woman who made a mistake and incorporated that into this story. It diverts from the canon quite a bit, but with this being the oldest story I’ve written available online, I think it shows that I’ve always had the skill and the drive to pursue writing as career opportunity. I love to do this, and despite my many pitfalls as an 18-year-old writer, this story has 73,368 views anyway. It is still, to this day, my third most popular story on Fanfiction.net and I’m okay with that because we should always be proud of where we started.

6. Little Talks

(Merlin, BBC)

This fic follows Merlin and Morgana from the first day they begin to fall in love until their first day together in the afterlife. Based off of the song by Of Monsters and Men. Rated T For - Brief death scene, suggestive adult themes.

Hands down, this has got to be favorite fanfiction piece that I’ve ever written. I was trying to do a lot with this story, and I think I was successful in most every front, though I wish I had edited it better at the time. It started out as a passion project and ended up being a comfort one. I hated the way Merlin ended and felt that I could write a better story - which wasn’t the first time I had ever felt that way, but the first time I ever executed those emotions to do something. It’s not my most popular piece, having written this towards the end of the Merlin fandom’s lifespan, but it doest rank among the top 10 pieces with the most traffic. I felt very connected to the song, the show, and the outline of this story. It’s also the first piece of fanfiction my husband ever read and felt was done better than the show (which is hard to do because he’s a canon-only-verse kind of guy). I’ll never not love this story.

7. Just One Yesterday

(Supernatural)

I've been hiding from him. I don't even think of him by name. I miss him but now that I'm a monster I don't think I can ever be close to him again. I am so afraid of the consequences of implicating him any further... But I just can't stop being there for him... I need him... {T for moderate violence; regular swearing; major character death}

This is yet another passion piece. I had outlined it during my lunch breaks at work, or when I was waiting for X, Y, or Z to finish loading on the computer. Am I proud to have done this is stolen moments? Not really. But the outcome is an emotional piece that I think really captured how I’ve always felt about the ship (Destiel). The stats for this piece are abysmal, but that means nothing to me because I felt awesome about the story I was telling.

8. In The Summer...

(Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus)

The seasons used to mean something very different to Nico, but those days are gone. And he wants Percy Jackson to know that he's moved on.

This is a poem that I wasn’t even meant to write. I had asked a friend to write it (That’s @ouranose again because she’s pretty much the only friend I’ve got). But in the end, she lost the lines she had crafted for it, I think, and it fell off the metaphorical production board. When we started this PJO/HOO series of poems, I took on the task instead because I loved the idea of it so much. I did much better than I expected, having never written anything substantial for PJO/HOO before, and for that reason I’ll always be proud of the way I show the changing of feelings towards someone that you used to love.

9. Make Memories

(Girl Meets World)

Excerpt/Summary: Shawn and Katy decide that Maya should make memories before her senior year of high school. They decide to send her to a camp out of state for six weeks so that she can experience life that is different from the city.

Lucas decides that it's time to do something for himself. After seeing an article about a six week camp out of state he decides to register and take a chance.

Unfortunately, Maya finds herself shacking up with an all-too familiar face after a transcription error by the receptionist of the camp.

“They thought your name was Luna?” Maya questions.

Goodness, where do I even start? After I had my son, I found a book a few years afterward and it was about a pregnant teenager who has to make the decision to have a baby or have an abortion. There’s so much more to the book and I loved reading it, but I drew from that story a bit to craft this Girl Meets World piece that allowed me to really be original more than most any other piece I’ve ever done. It is popular enough for a dead fandom, still getting more views and kudos every week at a slow rate. I was just proud that I could take elements from both of these shows that I loved and craft a romance that was focused on the emotional aspect of loving someone without making it too sexualized.

10. An Untitled Tomco

(Star vs. The Forces of Evil)

A Tomco where Star accidentally gives Marco hypothermia and calls upon Tom to keep him warm while she finds a cure.

I have never watched a single episode of Star vs. The Forces of Evil. Someone made a request for me to write it and I researched the characters and the ship. I wanted to craft this believable story seamlessly, as if I had seen it and knew all there was to know. And, by some miracle, it worked! This is one of the most popular stories on my Archive of Our Own despite not having been there nearly as long as the three others that surpass it’s viewership. I felt that I had done very good work and made the most of the research that I had done to craft this story. It’s one of those experiences that reminded me that I’m more than capable as a writer and that I can do anything when I’ve set myself to it.