#anyone have anything like this? i honestly just need validation rn im so annoyed

[zzxya]

.

[azucanela]

Dating korra would include

BEING KORRA’S S/O[GENDER NEUTRAL]

BEING ZUKO’S S/O | BEING SOKKA’S S/O

SUMMARY: life with korra from confession to marriage

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

WARNINGS: no major spoilers 

A/N: SOMEONE WITH T A S T E, i hope you don’t mind but i kinda just did the same thing i did for my zuko headcannons so feel free to scroll straight to the during the relationship bit if you just want dating korra h/c :D 

also i have 300 followers now what, i literally had 200 like yesterday hi everyone <3 um i really need to start pulling out all the stops

GETTING INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

she’s a simp.

that’s it. thats the headcannon. she has literally liked you since she met you and has said nothing, but you probably know since she’s so damn OBVIOUS ABOUT IT

korra is very in tuned with her emotions so when she realizes she likes you she’s pretty okay with it, a little more flustered during your interactions, but after a while her goal is to make you feel how she feel which is flustered.

she has no shame though, she knows she is hot and she wants you to know she thinks you are hot

lots of flirting on her end, so naturally you kinda begin to think she is joking and think nothing of it

this was not her intent, and now that you are desensitized to her flirting and not reacting flustered like you did when she first started she is frustrated™

you were not understanding that she very much likes you

stupid

she hasn’t said anything outright to you about it though, which is the main reason you are like lol this is a joke, my crush fake flirts with me i am okay

spoiler alert: you are not okay with this it hurts ow

so now shes getting ridiculously affectionate with you, which, tbh, she always was, but not its RIDICULOUS, korra is out here throwing an arm around your shoulder, randomly grabbing your hand, kissing your cheek

shes trying really hard to get her point across like really really hard

like painfully hard

if she likes you its probably because your fun, like you really spice up her life and introduce her to new things and go on really dumb adventures and really important missions with her and you put up with her and wow now korra is simping oops

you’re also probably forcing her to stay healthy, since i honestly think that despite having such an appetite, korra will forget to eat and take care of herself sometimes.

she is so bad at drinking water i swear to goD

there are two situations here

situation one is where korra finally realizes that you CANNOT READ SIGNALS AT ALL and decides she going to be upfront with you about her feelings

she’s either going to just flat out kiss you next time she sees you or spill all her emotions, of both in no particular order

you’re like reading in your room in the air temple, just vibing, and you see her coming towards you with a determined look on her face and you’re like ??? lol okay

you go back to reading only to have her hand reach under you jaw and she brings you into a kiss and now you’re like LOL OKAY

you honestly think that this is just another one of her stunts to get you flustered and means nothing

stoopid

and then she pulls apart and just starts spilling her feelings and you’re like :O omg me too 

and she’s like, “great, we’re dating now.” and suddenly she’s kissing you again, and between kisses you’re like, “im sorry what?”

“you heard me. do you have a problem with that?”

you just kiss her again

situation two is where you get sick of her and realize woah she may or may not be in love with you and so you confront her, and now there is a lot of yelling because you are frustrated™ and like screw you korra

you honestly think she is either madly in love with you and just doing this as a joke, and you genuinely think the latter is more like so you lowkey start crying and korra immediately begins to panic

she’s like, “why would i ever joke about that! i’ve literally been trying to get that through your thick skull this whole time!”

this time you kiss her first and korra is throwing a party in her head but she also feels really bad for making you cry oops

DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

okay so korra happens to be very much a simp

and you happen to be very much the mom friend™ it doesn’t matter if you are a boy girl or none of the above, that is your trademark my friend

she’s very affectionate and now that the two of you are dating she is at a whole new level.

important meeting? you are in her lap she does not care. war meeting? she is cuddling you as you explain the plans of attack and DAMN DO YOU LOOK GOOD DOING it

since being the avatar is MUCH more a political position now though, she does try to keep your relationship slightly on the down low, even before you were dating, you both had reporters constantly asking about your relationship and she doesn’t really like that

they are nosy and she does not approve. korra understands wanting to know about her avatar duties, but anything outside of that in regards to her personal life annoys her

loves kissing you, and when she does it tends to be intense and passionate. after a particularly tough day though, her kisses can either be slow and sensual because she just wants to have a nice soft and domestic day with you

OR

they can be harsh and almost brutish, she will get rough with you because she is highkey pissed at everything that day and making out you with is her stress reliever

really likes cuddling and anything domestic in general. she’s really happy with you, and she kinda has all the love languages

she seeks validation when the press is particularly harsh since being the avatar is HARD and as much as she wants to, she cannot please anyone, so please tell her she is doing amazing

so many acts of service up in here, she will randomly do stuff for you, spontaneity is kinda her vibe ya know

very vocal and expressive about her feelings, communication is key with her

arguments aren’t a rarity tbh, but when they do happen they tend to be more of debates over little things like what’s better, pineapple pizza or no?

major fights tend to end poorly since she can be a little stubborn when it comes to such things, but she will admit she was wrong and apologize IF she was wrong

if she wasn’t wrong but the argument got out of hand, she’ll apologize for that but will affirm her correctness

kiss her scars, she has them, and she is proud of them but 

support her at her pro bending matches and she will DIE, so happy, literally sososososososo happy, hugs you, loves you, yes

treats you as an equal no matter what, even if people think that as the avatar she should see herself as something more than

very protective of you.

like if someone flirts with you, she is clingy x10. if someone hits on you despite your protests, she HITS them. if someone threatens to hurt you, she promises to end them. 

MARRIAGE N STUFF

WELP

she’s gonna realize she wants to propose when she almost loses you, or in the middle of a battle. when the reality of potentially losing you hits her she is gonna realize she wants to live out the rest of her life by your side, protecting you

situation one is where she literally, in the MIDDLE OF BATTLE, without a ring, just proposes. you are being a baddie, bending if you are a bender, fighting the opposing enemy, looking MIGHTY FINE while doing it

“marry me.”

you falter, nearly getting hit as your head whips over to her and you’re like, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

and she throws a giant rock at the opposition, temporarily indisposing them, “yes?? why wouldn’t i be.”

Someone comes up behind you and you elbow them in the face and ram your foot into their knee, knocking them down, “RIGHT NOW?” 

she throws a whip of water in your direction and you dodge it, allowing her to take out the enemy behind you, and you throw a whole dagger at her to do the same. “that was close.” she narrows her eyes at you bc you lowkey look like you wanna kill her rn as you two hide behind a barricade for cover and an explosion washes over it, “you could’ve killed me.”

“you just about gave me a heart attack when you PROPOSED two minutes ago, need i remind you.”

korra raised a brow at you, “is that a no...?”

“do you even have a ring?”

korra gives you a look that gives you the answer and you groan, “i cannot believe you.”

“you really should’ve expected this.”

“i know.”

“i get to pick the ring then?”

“you’re probably going to plan the whole wedding.”

“alright.”

theres a boom from beyond the barricade you two have hidden behind as korra looks to you, “alright?”

“i’ll marry you.” you elaborate, giving her a bright smile.

situation two is more depressing lol

you have been SHOT oops, don’t die pls because korra CANNOT handle it after everything that has happened to her, so if you die she’s done

she’s kinda just sitting at your bed side and it hits her that you could die basically any day now, and she would have so many regrets

she wished she kissed you more, told you she loved you more, held you longer, spent more mornings with you and your bedhead, she wished she learnt to cook so that she could surprise you with a meal when you get home from a long day of work, she wishes she did a lot of things

she wishes you two were married.

korra is now having an existential crisis, and everyone is telling her that she has to go home, get some rest, you’ll wake up eventually, you’ll get better, but you don’t wanna wake up to korra being a mess

she knew they were right, you always scolded her for not taking care of herself, so she decided to follow some of their wishes

Korra cannot bring herself to go home, there are so many reminders of you that it hurts, and she kinda just decides she’ll stay in a hotel and wash up and such.

besides, you are her home.

after leaving the hotel, she ends up going the jeweler and buying the ring she believes screams you

when korra returns to the hospital, she contemplated proposing right then and there, before realizing that you’d probably yell at her for choosing such a ridiculous time and you already had a lot on your plate

once the two of you return home and you are in the midst of recovery, she did learn to cook, so you wouldn’t feel the need to do so, and given your situation she fears you’ll injure yourself further in the process.

you two are eating dinner and you’re babbling on about something you’d read, and she suddenly decides to get up and walk over to you, leaving you like ???

then she gets down on one knee and you are like :O

she’s like, “marry me.”

naturally, you start crying and nodding because wow this is such an intimate moment and just happiness

kissinggggg after that 

the wedding is, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE public, the most private and intimate wedding ever. korra hates reporters after her life as the avatar, she doesnt want strangers at her wedding.

any and everyone she has ever fought beside is there though, its wholesome and nice

definitely cries when she sees you at the altar

her vows are MASTERFUL AND TEARJERKING 

its a pretty basic wedding though, unless you prefer something over the top, the food is nice a mix of both your cultures and favorite things and there’s beautiful lighting

definitely done on air temple island, and tbh tenzin would probably walk you down the aisle because i said so

married life with her is even better, she lives for he domesticity of it all, especially lazy sunday mornings with the light filtering in and you just looking all pretty and having a lil fun

iykyk

honeymoon in the spirit word lads

bolin is your number one supporter

life with korra is a 10/10 i do recommend it

A/N: im kinda in love with korra lol this requests made me happy

[omegawolverine]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[butwhatistrue]

Cut for length and negativity. SORRY MOBILE USERS

I’ve been kind of feeling like I should start dating again (disclaimer: seb and I are in an open relationship). It’s weird. On some level I really don’t want to bother with having more people in my life. In another sense I kind of crave some form of validation and human interaction. Maybe saying dating is too strong a word. It’s just that I don’t feel like I want new friends, either, and dating is sort of a more loose thing. I don’t know. Maybe I should take up some old friendships. I do want to see some of my friends from Viborg, whom I never see. But it just seems like such a hassle, and like at the end of the day, I’m better off alone.

Hm.

Recently I’ve been thinking about my ex and how I kind of miss him. In a weird way I may even miss him in a “romantic” sense, but not in a sensual or sexual sense, so he wouldn’t consider it that way.. Lol I dunno. What even is romance???? 

My best friend and I have an arrangement that we can’t chat, only if it’s about possibly meeting up. It means I’m kind of low on interaction, I guess.

I’m not very high maintenance either, but it just so happens that the people in my life don’t have the spoons these days, and that’s not their fault. 

Bringing someone new into my life probably won’t make much of a difference. But even still I kind of consider it. But it would be silly bc most people are higher maintenance than I care to provide. Or that is to say.. I don’t really get anything out of shallow relationships. And most people require a certain amount of interaction to maintain a deep relationship. The good thing about Seb is that they can manage a deep relationship without requiring interaction all the time. I really really appreciate that about them and our relationship. So I feel kind of like a traitor to our arrangement when I have this urge for More Interaction.

Mostly it’s the fact that I’m … bored. My life is kind of a snooze. I am kind of a snooze. I only really liven up and feel things when I’m with other people. But not just any people. I don’t know…

For a while watching Star Trek kind of put me in the zone of feeling things, but that is waning. Now I need to be mirroring someone to get excited about it. 

Existence seems so remarkably grey. Everything is low-key overwhelming, but not to the point of breakdown, bc there’s a lid on my emotions, and it’s not that bad. Makes me wish for something exciting. Considering discontinuing my meds again in the hope that I’ll develop some really interesting withdrawal symptoms or something. but i probably wont do that. 

I used to be the opposite of suicidal but I’m starting to kind of get it. not to worry anyone, i am in no way suicidal, but i really understand this emotion that life is really really long and really really bland and just a series of hardships and minor inconveniences and nothing positive to look forward to.

wow. debbie downer, hello. sorry.

Like. I don’t know. I guess I’m looking for a way out. I wish my brother was here in Denmark, then I’d watch silly cartoons with him, or maybe we’d continue watching farscape. It’s different to watch things with other people. When it’s just me it seems kind of pointless. Like I won’t be feeling anything anyhow. Or have any opinions. But when I can feel some else’s excitement it’s different.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I really relate to those fucking “wake me up inside” lyrics (well i dont know the whole song so can’t speak to that). that’s how edgy I am. 

But I don’t want to be edgy. that’s not me. I was always rooting for life when everyone around me had their emo phase or worse. not in an annoying way i think. wait. who am i kidding. I’m always annoying. lmao right now. rn im being super annoying. on mobile this is not gonna go under a read more and everyone will have to scroll forever. im so sorry mobile users. 

but just. hm. i dont know…. what im trying to say. i need constant validation bc my selfesteem is a bottomless pit and that’s probably nothing new but i always used to have clingy people in my life. now they’re pulling back. and the gaping wound left behind aint all that pretty. like . i dunno. who knows? not me

I wish 

for things to be… different

i want to be a better person. and i am a better person when i am with other people. but they have to be the right people! i feel so drained with most people?? honestly what even.. 

also i dont think im prepared to come out to my family as polyamorous so what even would be the point of dating again lol

[kosmicdream]

Does Cash still have any connection to Spoon's other half? If they do, what's that like?

Cash does! But it is …….complicated.

Here’s some juicy spoilery inside info. Enjoy! Actually don’t enjoy, a lot of what i wrote is horribly depressing and sad so uh. Enjoy the EPIC SADS. 

Spoon never quit being an agent, but he first was hospitalized for a few months before returning to the office. Even then, he took a lot of time off to just rest at home and adjust to his new physical/emotional situation. Fork was there, almost the entire time and barely left his side for I’d say.. the first year or so? (until he was sent off to prison) (it has been 6 years since he exploded/knife vanished) And he has not returned to the field except for uh, the mission that is currently happening in the present day comic. (Where he is cornered by Rock/shot in the leg. That is his first returning field mission in all this time.)Cash tried to check on Spoon while he stayed in the hospital but like, honestly he wasn’t very positively.. responsive to her. He was not excited or happy to see her at all. In fact, if anything, he didn’t want to see her because he felt she influenced the downfall of his relationship with Knife. He spent so much time with her instead during the past 30 years when really he should have been with Knife. Now Knife was gone and he doesn’t.. Even want to look at her, really. He can tell she pities him and is worried and its honestly disgusting. He did this to himself, he knows that. Its a miracle he survived, He knows that too. Dont give me those pamphlets about prosthetic surgery, I don’t need that, I dont care how realistic it can look. I can do all this on my own. I don’t need help to get to the bathroom. Fuck you! Im FINE.He feels ashamed about his ‘flawed’ devotion to his deceased loved one..  he wants to try and repair that devotion in the present day by excluding himself from anything that brings him joy, really. Besides continuing to murder his species, but that’s not a (completely) fun thing anymore. Its sort of out of desperation. I mean. He is punishing himself by denying happiness (of having emotional connections to others) but he is trying to survive and continue on because Knife would want him to .. do that.. but he is avoiding that knife would also want him to be Happy. but he just cannot accept that part. he is going to survive, miserably. which he is doing so far and is great at it… yay!!Lashing out at Fork (and destroying his dream to go to wibbleworld) was …… an act of selfish, unplanned indulgence but he tries to keep himself, like, as amicable as he can with fork.. uh, besides that, i suppose. He loathes fork but Fork is important to Knife and he is still guilty over fucking up everything. God he misses Knife so much that having Fork around almost helps make him pretend Knife isn’t dead and is actually around somewhere, maybe in the other room reading a book. Fork is just good at acting like everything is fine/normal and thats sort of…comforting. He wouldn’t admit that though. He wouldn’t really give Fork the satisfaction of hearing that. (Too bad Fork already knows.)Distancing himself from Cash is self punishment but he’s also aware she’s harboring a serious secret from him, but he doesn’t know what it is. He has a feeling it is to due with his other half. He knows they’re involved with it somehow, the way she talks and tries to urge him to take better care of himself is with a familiarity that he feels like he missed out on. Like, something about how she is not *as* surprised to see his body in this condition as he thinks she should be.. How she knows things about his body before he does, certain hang ups or issues, ect, she’s always ready to offering advice to deal w/ them as if she has gone through it before. Sometimes shes even predicted what he is going to say before he says it. He doesn’t like it. He is suspicious of why she is not explaining more about what happened during the day he exploded, what she was doing, why it took her a while to visit him in the hospital. What was she so busy with? He hates that. He hates that he is not the most important Half to Cash. He wants to know where his other half is anyway, why won’t she tell him. Why is he avoiding himself. Cash feels guilty but cannot do anything about it.. she can’t answer his questions. As She is respecting the wishes of Scissor, who is avoiding his other half and pretty much just laughs/mocks at any news Cash gives him about his.. other self’s recovery. Cash is angry about that but Scissor doesn’t give a shit, he thinks Spoon sucks. Its HIS fault Knife is dead anyway. :)))))))) So in return of Cash not telling him things, Spoon holds secrets of his own, from anyone. (That is… what he knows about this mysterious “Locket.”) Deep deep down, Spoon almost feels Knife is still… alive somewhere and he is going to find him without anyone else’s help. He is going to be the special one this time. His other half can move on and have Cash. “Lol!! go ahead. I totally don’t care that you ditched me. (Even tho deep down I secretly hope we can somehow refuse because my god. i am just a leg.)”But then he thinks if Knife is still alive what would he even think of what’s happened to him. Would he even… want him anymore. Although if he was alive that wouldnt matter even if he didnt want what’s left of him, He’d give anything to just have Knife be ok. Even if Knife hated him, or worse: felt nothing about him at all. (Hate would be better, because it is a strong emotion and would be a valid feeling as Spoon is mean to fork! and cheated on him with cash! and like, so many things. If Knife hated him he’d understand like, 100%. If anything that is just assuring on some many levels that his attempted explosion was probably a good thing because anything Knife hates should go away.)Anyway, spoon spends most of his freetime laying in bed and staring at the wall and trying to figure out how he can kill everyone/maybe destroy the world too? because fuck it. Knife is totally for real dead no matter how annoying that little itch in the back of his mind says he might not actually be. Might as well have fun imagining everyone else suffer and die. That is a totally healthy pasttime spoon, what the fuck.Then Spoon imagines knife and his memories of knife and cries (like, a lot) and falls into a sleep where he dreams everything is fine and him and Knife are running thru a meadow of flowers and happy and grinning JK you are awake now and everything is terrible welcome to your LIFE!So Yeah Cash and Spoon aren’t in the best of terms rn. Fork is the only one that Spoon talks to anymore, really. (And they don’t talk much.)Although, the strangest thing is that he’s formed a closer uh.. friendship? (if u could call it that.) with Leadman. The two of them love to stare soullessly at walls together. I wonder what’s going on with that… huh

[untitledacrylic]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I got a lot goin on in this post so bear with me if its scattered. Apologies in advance

Lets just fuck around and talk about my physiological state. Consistently having hot flashes. Stressed or is it just July in Texas, we’ll never know. Got a fuckin lump in my throat, Yknow, the kind you get before you cry? So here's the fucking issue, I cannot cry. I have not been able to for months I will not allow myself to have the feelings.

I have developed these ungodly delusions of grandeur relating myself. What are they you ask well lets rattle them off!

- every time someone asks me if I want something from them and the answer is yes I still say no because I deserve nothing B)

but Claire! surely you have human wants and desires! yes! I have so many! I just only want to give every ounce of myself to other people and accept nothing ni return because I am trying to waste away and die and at least if I never accept anything from others they 

- People keep needing my emotional energy/effort so I no longer have time to have any feelings of my own because I'm too busy stressing about someone else’s problems

now you might saying “Claire just don't answer! just ignore them!’ GOD I WOULD LOVE TO. Too bad I was built to carry guilt the size of the Vatican, and I simply feel bad if I read someones Text and know they're having a bad time. If I even read the fucking TEXT I will not be able to stop thinking about it so honestly just fuck me. you might also be asking well Claire, how is that a grandiose delusion? BECAUSE THESE BITCHES DON’T NEED ME HOLY FUCK. 

I have Made myself such an accessible resource for my friends to just fucking ravage and that is completely my own doing. Why did I do it? Because I wholeheartedly believe if I am not providing a service to my friends that I am useless because I am also convinced I have no other redeeming qualities.

people seem to like me a lot but I don’t really care, because they like my customer service personality. I won't say “I am” because some of you little shit bags who read my blog disagree, but I SEE MYSELF as nothing more than a multitool? 

aaaaaand jumping to another thought rn but I sent my friend a video explaining a sad piece of art I made and they replied “ma’am do you need assistance?” and I replied with “no I will never need assistance from anyone because I am not plagued by the same disgusting mortal issues that you emotional fools are” and lets just unpack alllll of that for a second

1. I am not god. I am a stupid fucking idiot who makes so many mistakes

2. viewing myself as a god is the reason I can't feel normal emotions anymore. I told myself too many times “you don't deserve to be sad your life it good” so now every time I am sad, no im not. it just, goes down ... down.... down down down down down and now I just feel nothing

3. #2 also applies to desire. I want something? no I don't. I am utterly incapable of asking for anything now for fear of being perceived as someone who needs things or help. I don't need either. I can do everything on my own and if I can't I will simply fucking die.

I forgot where I was going so now im moving on if you don't like it, mail me Adderall so I can focus.

anyway I have another weird problem where sometimes im sad or I have a negative feeling and I want to tell someone about it and I will open up the text conversation with all of my friends, type a message, decide nobody wants to hear it, delete it, try again with another friend, delete it, and repeat that process untilI have tried everyone. In which case, I will fuck my way over to this website and start writing. 

I think I can't talk to my friends because someone them come to me with so many things and its honesty really annoying. I don't care what I tell my friends about always being there to help them because right now im putting all of my problems on the back burner to deal with theirs so that I can maintain my friendships. I am so tired of everyone and I wish they would leave me alone. I have tiers of friendship because I genuinely can't handle being close to so many people but GOD it feels like in SAO when they were climbing the world tree to get to Asuna. In this scenario, my friendship is Asuna, my mental stability is the world tree and my GOD y'all are chopping that bitch down. Is there even a polite way to tell someone “you are getting to close to me and I don't like it so can you please back the fuck off and stop trying to know me? please go back to the acquaintance zone until I am ready for you”

I stared at the tv for too long so now its time to tell you all that I think max and Emma are my only friends who are valid and matter. They are the only people who'd have the gall to read my blog. I love you stupid fucks. You are the only 2 people to recognize my extreme disdain for sharing my feelings. I am incredibly appreciative of you both, I love that I don’t feel like I have to talk to you every day to maintain our friendship, I love that you guys open up to me at your own pace, I love that when I tell y'all disgustingly personal things you don't get all serious and “hey, you can always talk to me :( im here for you :(” I already know you bitvhes are. Thank you for being the only two people who don't drive me absolutely insane every day. except the you didn't tell us you were dating Michael. I’m over it but no free passes (I would add a silly and quizzical emoji here but im on my laptop so please re read the last sentence with a tone of a lighthearted and friendly bully)

I will now talk about Everett. There are no issues but I am still entirely unable to be vulnerable with him. its a problem I would like to get over. I can't ask him for anything either. Idk why I just don’t like to. I don't like to ask anyone for anything but idk I thought id be able to open up to my own boyfriend? He is obviously caring and understanding I just feel like. The second I’m vulnerable with one person like. I’m known. id be perceived? He knows im depressed fuck I just feel like I have so many more negative traits that im hiding? I don't even know what they are I just feel like they’re bad and I want to hide them.  I feel like hell think less of me or idk just get disappointed over time.

Im definitely projecting issues from my last relationship. Im keeping them to myself as much as I can but fuck its kinda hard? rowan was also super infatuated with me and thought I was great and amazing and supportive and look how we ended up. I love the high-rise but im worried I won't be able to keep living up to it. So the hard part now is just

do I continue playing god?

or do I let someone see that I’m human

ok im not ending on that cliche fucking note so uh. ill probably keep playing god because I still can't feel anything. I feel to a small degree but its just so buried I don't even know what to do anymore. Maybe ill just die lol