#anyone else feeling normal about saber today

[samipekoe]

hey guys

[novaonhere]

Wait, What?

Relationship: Cal Kestis x f!reader

Summary: You’ve been traveling the galaxy with Merrin, taking a stop on Jedha to help Cere. She asks you to go pick up Cal and the Mantis and lead them to their location. Excited seeing each other again, old feelings are brought to light.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Fluffy, mild swearing from the author

A/N: Cuties

Prompt: "I ACCIDENTALLY TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU AND NOW WE'RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT IT.”

(gif not mine)

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You take a step out of the shower. Today drained you. Cere tasked you and Merrin with pushing stormtroopers away from the front entrance of the base, but without killing anyone to lessen suspicion. Merrin used some cool space witch magic that you just had to gawk at from time to time. From teleporting troopers, to creating small, yet blinding sandstorms to push the men back. You’re job was to protect her and provide guidance. A few times you brought up the suggestion of moving rocks, making false pathways that loop them back, etc. Only twice did you have to strike down anyone, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle.

The steam from the shower had fogged up the mirror. You stare at the blurry reflection. Even though you couldn’t see your face clearly, you did notice the prominent dark circles under your eyes. Even after the steaming hot shower, your muscles still didn’t relax. Groaning, you rub your shoulder, turning to grab your freshly cleaned clothes. Standard Jedi uniform. Thank goodness for the breathability. Instead of a regular over-tunic, you placed a familiar poncho over it. Taking a deep breath into the cloth, you sigh, knowing the smell it originally held was long gone.

As you finish getting ready, a loud rapture erupts on the door.

“(Y/N), Cere needs you now.” Merrin calls through the door. You open it immediately, face to face with your friend.

“Do you know what about?” You ask, slipping on your last boot. Merrin nods, taking off at a slight jog down the hall. You follow, grabbing your light saber close to your side.

You both enter the archives, meeting Cere, who’s prime focus was one of the tablets in front of her.

“Ah, (Y/N), I must ask you of something.” Cere smiles, turning to face you two.

“Of course, what is it?” You ask, letting go of your light saber. Something about her smile seemed off, like she knew this was going to be… fun?

“I need you to collect someone from a rendezvous point. Leave at once.” Cere states, handing you a chip with coordinates. You study it from her hand before hesitantly taking it. “We have some friends coming for a visit.” You and Merrin scowl, raising your eyebrows. Merrin’s scowl is a bit harsher, not the most comfortable having to share already a small space with someone else.

“Merrin, please prepare 2-3 guest ro-“

“Cere,” You intervene, holding up your hand for her attention. “Who am I picking up?”

“Just go, young Jedi. You’ll know.” Cere shoos you away. She takes Merrin’s shoulder and leads them back down the hallway. Annoyed, you head towards the hanger to grab a speeder. From the coordinates she gave you, it was quite the journey.

Arriving at the hanger, you spot your ride. Do you remember the name? Absolutely not. This wasn’t normally your jam, big machines and what not. You enjoyed using your feet to travel, not much a speeder without a proper seatbelt nor safety precautions. You throw yourself up and head off into the desert.

—-

You don’t mind waiting, it soothes you to be alone in your thoughts. Finding a nice rock to lean against, you stare far out into the desert, watching troopers march along. Do they even know what they are fighting for? Who they’re hurting? What their future holds if they do or do not succeed? Sighing, you place your head in your hands, with your elbows rested on top of your knees. It’s be awfully hot without the wind. Taking a deep breath, you notice the wind pick up, unnaturally. You jump to your feet, peering around the rock to see a ship…

Your eyes snap open. Is that…

Stepping out of the ship is someone you most definitely recognize. The figure turns around to shout something back and a small droid appears. It runs quickly, climbing up the figure’s back. The figure steps onto the sand as the stairs fold back into the ship. It quickly takes off, most likely for a safer spot to land and hide for awhile.

You haven’t seen that face for many months. A face you would see daily. After meeting Merrin and bonding, you decided it would be safer for the two Jedi’s to split and one to escort Merrin around and teach her the ways around the Galaxy. You couldn’t be happier to assist Merrin, you grew closer; however, you couldn’t help but miss the red head daily.

The man turns towards the rock, looking at something in his hand. Most likely the coordinates, which lead to the rock you are currently hiding behind. Feeling the corners of your lips head up your face, you step out from the rock, the light now shining onto you. Geez it was hot.

He looks up, and drops whatever was in his hand. Time of course did not stop, with the sand moving and the wind blowing your hair, but damn did it feel like it. You stared at each other; one smiling like a lunatic and the other dumbfounded.

“We’ll look who it is on Jedah.” You call out, hands on your hips. He closes his mouth, shaking his head into a grin. “Let’s get a move on before the storm hits.”

“(Y/N)!” He calls out, the grin widening more and more with each step he took towards you. You match his energy, extending your arms out for a long deserved embrace. He wraps his arms around your waist, trying to not pick you up off your feet. He smushes his face into the crook of your neck, taking it all in. You giggle, your arms around his neck and head on his shoulder.

“It’s been too long, Cal.” You breath out, backing out of the hug. He laughs as BD-1 chirps for attention. “Oh I saw you too, buddy, don’t worry.” You pat the droid on his head, which beeps happily.

“Like you said, let’s get a move on.” Cal smiles, extending his bent elbow to you. Chuckling, you slide your arm through, holding onto his bicep. Together, you walk alongside the rocks, down the hill to where you parked your speeder.

“How is everyone?” You ask, trying to find his gaze. His once bright eyes suddenly gloss over, a small and quick frown coating his expression. Your smile fades as well.

“Let’s save the catching up to when we’re at base, is that okay?” He asks, patting your hand on his arm with his other hand. His eyes find yours, his filled with sorrow and weariness. You nod, looking forward.

Just as you were about to turn the corner to where you parked, you both had the sensation to stop. You could feel multiple presences beyond, not friendly presences. Looking at each other, Cal brings a finger to his lips, letting your arm go. You nod, brining your hand to your light saber in case something were to go wrong. Cal peeks around the corner. Multiple storm troopers had surrounded your speeder, taking it apart and looking at the pieces. You come up behind Cal, unsheathing your saber. He does the same, sprinting into action.

You both quickly beat the shit out of them. Cal keeps his saber out, keeping a look out as you tend to the speeder.

“Damn, they took a beating to this.” You sigh, exasperated.

“They probably wanted to make sure to trap whoever was here, you did hide it pretty well. Must have been coincidence that they found it.” Cal reassures you. Nodding, you look to the sky where you hade came from. It was filled with brown darkness. The storm was starting to catch up.

“Crap,” you breathe out. There was no way you’ll make it back to base walking. Looking around, you see a pack of spamel walking away from the storm, fleeing as well. “Come on,” You motion to Cal, jogging towards the pack. He follows closely, also eyeing up the storm.

Upon reaching the spamel, you notice one that has a few spots on its back. Smiling, you recognize this to be the spamel you saved from a few troopers just a week ago. The spamel recognizes you immediately, bending down as if it knows you need to hitch a ride. You turn to Cal, motioning for him to hop on.

He throws his leg over, bracing himself on the back of the spamel’s neck. You hop on as well. Without having time to adjust nor brace, the spamel takes off, causing you to lunge into Cal’s back, throwing your arms around his waist. You hands hold onto his toned stomach, feeling the indentations of scars he has endured. He turns around, smiling at you.

“Alright?” He asks, a small chuckle escaping his lips. The hot desert heat trickles up your neck and onto your cheeks.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” You respond, tightening your grip as the spamel picks up speed.

—-

Periodically, you’ll glance behind you, noticing the storm creeping up onto the herd.

“Cal,” You tap his shoulder. “We’re not going to make it.” He cusses to himself, looking around.

At that moment, the wind picks up, sand flying up the spamel’s legs. The herd whines in fear. Suddenly, Cal lunges forward, pointing a bit to the right.

“There!” He calls out, the wind starting to drown out some sound. The spamel seemed to understand Cal’s gesture and noticed the cave opening, big enough to fit even the tallest spamel. The heard gallops to the entrance. You tighten your grasp onto the man, hiding your face in the poncho to protect your eyes and nose from the sand being kicked up. Cal does the same with his own jacket. A few spamel’s have already made it in, and it seemed like you were the last ones. You check behind to make sure you are in fact that last set as your enter the shelter.

“Cal, help me with the rock.” You call out, jumping off the spamel. He falls off with you, following you towards the entrance. Sand and wind flow into the space, hitting and scaring the spamel. You look to see a large rock to your left. Together, you roll the stone in front of the entrance as a make-shift door. You both sigh, as Cal pats you on the back.

“Good thinking,” He smiles as BD chirps in. “Let’s see if we can get a fire going.” He hurries off as you go around to the resting spamel, checking to see if anyone had gotten hurt.

—-

You sit just as you were before earlier, in your own thoughts. The fire flickers and dances beautifully, creating a warm ambiance to the space. The spamels are fast asleep on one side of the cavern, while you and Cal stare at the fire. He sits with a leg extended out and the other folded in, where he rests his hands.

“So, what happened to the crew?” You finally pipe up. You turn to see his face, which basically glows in the firelight. His freckles decorate his features, something you were always jealous of. His eyes remind fixated on the fire.

“Greez is alright…” He trails off, not wanting to discuss anymore on the subject. You both have lost too much in this war, friends, family, innocents. You scoot closer to the man, wanting to be a positive presence to him. He looks out his peripheral to your figure nudging closer. This makes him smile, a content, warm, inviting smile. You take this as a sign to reach your hand out, asking to be held. He agrees, interlocking his fingers with yours. His hands were strong, durable, beat up, yet soft and warm. You take your hands into your lap, using your other hand to trace over each freckles. You used to do this many times on the Mantis over the years to calm him down. Your eyes stay glued to your connect the dots session, while his scan you. It’s like he’s trying to memorize you, understand you and remember you.

“I missed you too much.” He breathes out. You look up into his eyes, which are melting at the eye contact. You smile, extending your hand to his face. He practically dissolves into your touch as you rest your hand on his cheek.

“I missed you as well.” You respond, a small smile leaving your lips.

“I love when you do that,” He absentmindedly blurts, causing you to giggle. He neck, cheeks, and ears flare up immediately, realizing what he had uttered. “I mean, of course I like you touching me, not like that don’t give me that look, I love our closeness, I love you…” He continues to ramble, but your focus ceased once you heard those three words. You hand slowly falls from his blubbering face, catching his attention.

“Wait,” You whisper, making him shut his mouth. “What?” You cock your head, staring up at him.

Silence. The only noise that could be heard was from the wind outside, the snores of the spamels, the crackling of the fire.

“Cal…” You whisper, your hands retreating to your lap. His upper body begins to redden, realizing what has made you take a moment.

“Did you-“

“Okay yes, I may have accidentally told you I loved you, and I’ve felt like this for awhile but you know the Jedi code but I guess now we’re finally talking about it and what that could mean-“

You chuckle quietly, watching the red head loose his cool. This was a side you’ve never seen before, and honestly, he was quite cute. You rest a hand in his thigh, again, shutting him up.

“Let’s save the catching up to when we’re at base, is that okay?” You repeat his words to you earlier to him. With that you lean your body in closer to him. Regaining his composure, he senses your motives and quickly leans into you as well. You lips meet. At first, very much head on, wanting to be as close together as possible. Just a simple, yet long lingering kiss. You pull away, but he is not satisfied. He places on hand on your thighs, the other around your shoulder to the back of your head, bringing you back in for a longer, deeper kiss.

You both stay there, kissing you feelings away as the fire flickers down. You both don’t notice, nor really care. Your attention is on each other.

You finally pull away for a long, needed breath. He does the same. You both smile, giggling just a tad.

“I didn’t know you felt that way,” You start, sitting up straighter to look at him better. He clears his throat, fixing his collar.

“Well, you know the Jedi code.” He starts, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Cal, you both know the Jedi code is older than time itself and things change.” You giggle. “People change.”

“Well, if that’s the case,” He smiles, bringing his lips to yours once more.

You wait out the storm, falling asleep in each others embrace.

[tiredassmage]

oops, I caught feelings about JK Nar Shadaa & Rhyst & Maltaf and... I had to do a little something about it before I could move on in peace >.>

“Master..?” Rhyst blinked. The troubled lines and slopes across his features had somewhat eased, but a slight frown remained across his lips.

“Yes?”

“Master Satia says your people greatly value history,” he said. “You wear your entire lives for everyone to see - good and bad, just from a glance. That… that seems like a lot to carry.” The slight furrow in his brow and the unease lingering across his lips voiced the true question of the younger Knight. Maltaf offered a quiet smile. “For some, I imagine it is. Burdens are what we make of them, Rhyst. That is why we reflect, we meditate.” Rhyst ducked his head as one hand reached up to toy at the scorched ends of his hair. He’d said one of the Power Guards had gotten too close - he’d had to cut himself loose. It’d frightened him. “Jedi aren’t meant to make decisions with their feelings.” “In… a sense,” Maltaf said carefully. “Not with haste. But your compassion still guides you, does it not?” Rhyst chewed on his lip for a moment, eyes tracing along the lines of the rug beneath them. “I… If it's always with you.., how do you let go?” Maltaf was silent in thought until Rhyst’s eyes met his once more. “Acknowledgement is an important step, Rhyst. We can be hobbled by that which we do not know - especially what we choose not to. It’s normal to be scared. What matters is what we do with it and what we give back.” He gave a small nod to the saber clipped to Rhyst’s belt. “Why did you fight today?”

Rhyst’s brow furrowed as his head titled in consideration. “I… don’t want anyone else to… to lose everything, like my sister and…” He tugged at the fit of his gloves. “I know we can’t account for everything, stop it all, I just-” He shook his head. “And sometimes I still feel…” He swallowed. It disgusted him - the lack of oversight. It still angered him that the Sith, the Empire, looked upon life as such a game, that it continued to rob so many of so much. Galen begging him to… Rhyst closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself. He couldn’t change what had already been done. But Galen had been good. He couldn’t… Maltaf rested a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We do what we can,” he said. “No matter how small. It always matters to try, Rhyst. Always. I promise.”

[tiredspacedragon]

Happy FUCKING 810NICLE Day, y'all! I've got a lot of stuff I want to post today, so I'm getting started at the end. Have some Stars revamps. Or, total redesigns, really. Built from scratch in a set-plausible design intended to stick as closely to their original looks as possible while still fitting into the scale and aesthetics of Bionicle's later years.

Tahu was designed as a hybrid between his original Toa Mata appearance and the aesthetics of the Adaptive Nuva. He's an Inika build, representing that the Adaptive Armour is (partially) active, but has the slimmer silhouette of his Mata days (Plus a back gear, if you can believe it. It's not visible in any of these pictures, but it's there. Doesn't do anything, but it's a fun little decoration). I wish I could have given him fully orange limbs to match the set better, but the red hardly looks bad. I'm particularly proud of how I managed to incorporate the Stars armour pieces on the larger build, especially since it means I can do...

...this. All six of the original Golden Armour pieces still fit perfectly onto this Tahu, though I've taken the liberty of swapping out the shield for a bigger, more practical piece. He's very shiny.

Gresh has slimmed down a lot since his days as a Glatorian. In-story, I imagine this would be a result of ditching the ornamental, overly showy armour worn by most Glatorian in favour of lighter, more effective combat gear that compliments his new Air powers. Like Tahu, I was able to carry over his Stars set armour, though not quite as elegantly. He's a bit of a stick figure, but I still love him, especially since he's the only one of the six whose colour layout is basically exactly the same as his official set, part for part, with the exception of a black neck.

2010 Takanuva is supposed to be the Toa of Light in his normal form, just with his colours altered to camouflage himself as a Toa of Ice to avoid drawing attention to himself. So, here he is scaled up into a Metru build to keep him at the proper size. I didn't feel like painting anything here, so his torso's colours are off, but I can't say I care that much. He also has a working gear function, sooo...bonus!

Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I always thought it was ridiculous that Takanuva would discard his Power Lance, an amazing tool that not only channeled his powers, but also amplified them, in favour of the Twin Light Staffs, which do nothing of note except exist as a pair. So, have this headcanon: At some point during the reign of Teridax, Takanuva's Power Lance was broken. Unwilling to surrender the advantage the tool gave him, Takanuva fashioned the broken pieces of the lance into the Twin Light Staffs, specifically opting for two as a nod to the twin Power Swords traditionally wielded by Av-Matoran. Thus is the thought process for using Air Sabers as the heads of his staffs in this revamp.

Nektann is a Piraka build. And that's about it. I kept his hands, feer, and weapon from his set form, and slapped 'em on a basic Skakdi body. Took a bit of work to get his head on, but nothing too wild. After that, it was just a matter of attaching his spines to his back and arms and he was done. Technically, Nektann is supposed to be larger than the average Skakdi, but I haven't figured out a way to make that look good as of yet, so this is all I've got for him, for now.

Also, in the realm of revamps that are just tweaks to existing sets, have Winter 2009's Skrall, now in lime green and without a shield. New feet though! Yeah, this one isn't terribly creative on my part, but it is what the figure should look like, canonically speaking, and that's what I was going for, so I'm satisfied.

At least this guy gets the satisfaction of being the only one of the bunch with a launcher.

And finally, the Rahkshi of Heat Vision, alternatively and unofficially known as Zirahk. The Rahkshi design, oddly enough, was not difficult to translate into Inika scale at all, thanks to the pieces of the Stars set. The neck plugs into the front of an Inika torso with ease and the spine attaches to the back just as easily. There's even enough room to wedge a little Kraata of Heat Vision in there. I'm still amazed I have one of those. Anyway, the big challenge here was the size. Did you know Rahkshi are supposed to be 9 FEET TALL?? Because I found that out only recently. Naturally, a stubby little Rahkshi was't gonna cut it, I had to make this lad TOL.

And as you can see, it's still too small! As is, Zirahk is taller than an average Inika build; not quite as much as it should be, but it's as good as it's gonna get, methinks.

And to close, another group shot. Once again, happy 810 everybody. More to come.

[robininthelabyrinth]

NHS ghost travels to the past and the only ones who can see him clearly are baby!NHS & NMJ

on ao3

“Would you believe that I’m a saber spirit?” the ghost asked. “Or maybe an ancestor?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said. He did not put down the exorcism talisman.

The ghost sighed. “Well, it was worth a shot.”

Before Nie Mingjue could do anything more, the ghost rushed at him – taken aback, Nie Mingjue flinched, and when he opened his eyes again the ghost was gone.

He still pinned the talisman onto the swaddling wrapped around his baby brother, who was grumbling in sleepy dissatisfaction at having been nearly woken up.

He wasn’t taking any chances with his brother’s health.

-

“I’m actually not dangerous,” the ghost argued. He’d figured out that if he hovered high enough, Nie Mingjue wouldn’t be able to get at him – though he still flinched whenever Nie Mingjue threw rocks at him. He must be a relatively new ghost. “I know it’s difficult to believe, but I’m here to help.”

“Sure,” Nie Mingjue said. There were plenty of pebbles next to the place where laundry got done, and he could grab one without being spotted whenever he dunked the clothing in. “I believe you. Come down here a little closer, I’ll believe you some more.”

The ghost sighed.

-

“Just give me a chance, okay?”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“I have good reasons –”

“Don’t care.”

-

“If you come any closer, I’ll douse you in a male virgin’s urine,” Nie Mingjue said. “Ghosts are supposed to hate that.”

The ghost huffed. “Like I’m dumb enough come near you when you’re swaddling the baby anyway.”

-

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving! Just put Baxia down already!”

-

“You need more salt.”

“I thought ghosts hated that, too?”

“Maybe it’s rock salt ghosts hate?” the ghost asked, floating over Nie Mingjue’s shoulder. “I don’t think I have anything against proper seasoning.”

Nie Mingjue huffed, rolling his eyes, but he did add a little more salt.

“Ah ha!” the ghost exclaimed. “You are starting to listen to me!”

“That’s when the recipes says to put it in,” Nie Mingjue said. “I was always going to add some more of it in then.”

“I don’t believe you! You were definitely listening!”

-

“Listen, if I was a normal ghost, your father would have totally gotten rid of me, right?”

“Never said I thought you were normal,” Nie Mingjue said, soothing his brother to sleep in his arms with soft murmurs and a gentle voice that did not come naturally to him. “I said you were a pest. Did I ever say anything about being normal?”

“…no, I guess not,” the ghost conceded. “Damnit, I thought I was onto something with that. Also, shouldn’t a nursemaid be doing that?”

“Can’t be trusted,” Nie Mingjue said.

The ghost frowned, then blanched. “Right, right,” he murmured. “I nearly forgot, what happened with – uh, what happened right around that time. That would have been recently, too, wouldn’t it? You’ve always remembered it better.”

Nie Mingjue didn’t say anything.

“Still, you’re only seven. Even if they were scared to hire a nursemaid for fear of letting in another assassin, shouldn’t someone else be doing this?”

“I’m eight,” Nie Mingjue said.  

“The point still stands. Surely one of the servants..?”

Nie Mingjue sighed. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’re at war,” he explained. “Everyone who can swing a saber is out fighting it, and that includes the servants.”

“I thought it was too quiet,” the ghost said, half to himself. “I haven’t seen anyone else in – okay, actually, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen anyone.”

“War,” Nie Mingjue said.

“You’re eight,” the ghost said. He looked upset. “How could they leave you alone like this? You make your own food, you do the laundry, you take care of – this is ridiculous! There must be people who are too old to go that could help…there must be other children! Where are the other children?”

Nie Mingjue didn’t say anything.

Nie Huaisang needed his sleep, after all.

-

“I refuse to let this go,” the ghost said. “Even if – especially if – a whole bunch of the other kids died or something, even if all of them died, which they didn’t, there’s absolutely no reason for you to be left alone like this.”

Nie Mingjue sighed. He’d hoped that the ghost would let it drop, but apparently, no.

Apparently, he was going to have to engage.

(Nie Huaisang waving his hands at the ghost, burbling happily, had nothing to do with that decision.)

“You assume they left me,” he said. “You have it backwards.”

“…what?”

“I ran away,” Nie Mingjue explained, and the ghost’s jaw dropped. “This place was abandoned because of the war – too awkward an outpost to be worth it for either side – and I took my brother and we came here, just me and him and Baxia. I’m planning on staying until the war’s over.”

“But why? You’re the heir.”

“Yeah,” Nie Mingjue said. “That’s why.”

“…what?”

“It’s ‘sang’ as in mulberry leaves, right?” he asked. “For his name? I heard you whispering it to him.”

“I - yeah, it’s mulberry,” the ghost said, blinking at him. “And ‘huai’ as in ‘to hold’…but you know that already, surely?”

Nie Mingjue shrugged.

The ghost stared at him. He didn’t blink, which was typical of ghosts, but still a bit unnerving.

“You named the child, didn’t you,” the ghost said. It wasn’t a question. “You take care of him, you raise him, you’re refusing to return home…it’s war, you said. Because of the massacre of the junior generation that everyone pretended was an accident but wasn’t, because of Mother’s death from that assassin pretending to be a nursemaid. People do things when they get angry, during war. What was going to happen to – to the baby?”

“Massacre at his conception, declaration of war at his quickening, assassination at his birth,” Nie Mingjue recited. “That’s three bad things; bad luck comes in fours, and we really can’t afford to lose this war. Newborns die easy as flipping over your hand, and maybe the next one won’t be so unlucky, won’t be a calamity star – that sort of thing. It was too dangerous.”

“Oh,” the ghost said. “I never knew.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Nie Mingjue said. “Who would have told you? I would’ve killed them, first.”

The ghost twitched, and stared at him.

“I like Huaisang,” Nie Mingjue said. “It’s a good name. Even if how you got it is a bit circular.”

-

“Someone murders you,” the ghost – Nie Huaisang of the future, as Nie Mingjue had long ago figured out, but it was easier to keep thinking of him as ‘the ghost’ – said, sitting with his back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest. It’d be a sad and pathetic sight, except for the way he was sitting on the ceiling. “I was trying to come back to stop it from happening…maybe even prevent our father’s murder, too, if I could. That happens when you’re fifteen, by the way. You have to inherit, and spend the rest of your life avenging him.”

“Do I succeed?”

“…yes.”

“That’s good, then,” Nie Mingjue said.

“Don’t you want to know more?”

“Why? Are you planning on going somewhere?”

The ghost uncurled himself from his dramatic misery to float down until his head (still upside down) was floating in front of Nie Mingjue. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“Ghosts that resolve their business are liberated,” Nie Mingjue said. “Maybe I like having you around.”

“…oh.”

-

“One day you’re going to save the world,” the ghost told him.

“Today, you already have,” Nie Mingjue replied.

-

“Maybe I never went back in time,” the ghost said. “Maybe I’m just dead, and this is one of the eighteen hells, punishing me for everything I’ve done.”

“Are you having a bad time?” Nie Mingjue asked. He himself was having a good time: Nie Huaisang wasn’t crying, for once, and he had him sitting in his lap, a stick wrapped in his little baby hand (supported by Nie Mingjue, of course) waiving in the air in the rudimentary beginnings of proper saber forms.

“Well, no. But then again, ‘everything I’ve done’ wasn’t that bad, and all done in the name of filial piety – I even bought already-dead cats – well, except for little Mo Xuanyu. He deserved better than he got from everyone, me included.”

“None of that made even the slightest bit of sense to me, you know,” Nie Mingjue said. “But if you feel so bad about it, I promise to change it this time around.”

“No, you don’t understand,” the ghost said. “If this is the underworld, then you wouldn’t have the chance to change it. We’d just repeat this over and over again, forever!”

“How many times has it been for you, then?”

“Well, only one. But it could be the beginning of many times! Or – or – maybe I’ve forgotten the previous times!”

“Seems like a pretty stupid punishment if you just forget about it,” Nie Mingjue said.

“…hmm. Good point.”

“You’re prone to anxiety, aren’t you?” Nie Mingjue said to the Nie Huaisang in his arms, who made an expression that was clearly his best effort at smiling. He was still building up those facial muscles. “We’ll have to work on that, in this life.”

“Hey!”

-

“Okay, so, positing that this whole living in an abandoned outpost is a real thing that is happened and is still happening, which I’m still not convinced of –”

“I don’t seem like the type to run away?”

“…you were always very righteous.”

“Sometimes, righteous people do stupid things,” Nie Mingjue said.

“Remind me to tell you about someone called Wei Wuxian,” the ghost said, now thoroughly distracted. “He’s more or less the walking, talking incarnation of that…”

“Did he have a sad childhood?”

“What? I mean, I guess so? His parents died, he lived on the streets for a while, developed a fear of dogs, but then he got rescued by Jiang Fengmian and adopted, so – are you taking notes?”

“How else am I supposed to keep track of all these names?”

-

“Maybe you should go pick up Meng Yao. If you’re planning on changing things, I mean.”

Nie Mingjue squinted at the ghost, who was supervising the stew he was making. It was meat, for once – a pheasant that had conveniently gotten scared to death. The ghost had gotten very creative in how he could help out despite his general incorporeality. “Isn’t that the name of the person who eventually kills me?”

“Well, yes.”

“Why would I go help him?”

“…he had a very sad childhood?”

“If I adopt everyone you say had a sad childhood, there won’t be a junior generation anymore,” Nie Mingjue pointed out. “They’ll all be Nie sect.”

“And it would be better for them.”

“Annoying for me, though.”

-

“ – and that’s what demonic cultivation is,” the ghost concluded. “Why do you ask?”

“I have absolutely no reason to be interested in a type of cultivation specifically designed to make dead creatures do what I say, including shutting up whenever they’ve started talking in the middle of the night,” Nie Mingjue said, yawning. “None whatsoever.”

“It’s not that late, it’s only – hmm. Oops.”

-

“It’s not that different from what I do with Baxia,” Nie Mingjue argued.

“What you do with Baxia eventually kills you,” the ghost argued back.

“I thought you said I was murdered?”

“Through an existing weakness!”

“Without which the world will end, so it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine at all!”

“I’m just saying, it would be –”

“No! I am not letting you demonically cultivate with me, and that’s final!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“Your older self is so annoying,” Nie Mingjue told Nie Huaisang after the ghost had stormed off. Through a wall, no less, and that was purely to be especially dramatic about it since Nie Mingjue knew that he knew where the doors were. “Such a pest!”

-

“If we’re going to do this – I can’t believe we’re going to do this – we’re doing it slowly,” the ghost said. “You hear me? Slowly. I don’t care how much of a cultivation genius you are.”

Nie Mingjue nodded.

“And no one ever finds out about it, okay? No one. If someone happens to see me, you need to lie and say that I – that I’m –”

“A saber spirit?”

“Shut up.”

-

“Baba!” Nie Huaisang burbled, or at least something that sounded vaguely similar. He was probably a few months too young for actual speech, though.

“Da-ge,” Nie Mingjue corrected, just in case.

The ghost sniggered. “So much of my childhood is suddenly explained, you have no idea.”

“I think I’m going to tell him to call you mama,” Nie Mingjue said thoughtfully. “What do you think that’ll explain?”

-

“You’re depressingly good at this,” the ghost said. “I mean, everyone always said you were a genius, but you’re really good at cultivation.”

Nie Mingjue shrugged.

“I still think you should hold off on the demonic cultivation aspects.”

“We’ve already agreed to disagree,” Nie Mingjue said. “And knowing demonic cultivation helps me refine my cultivation of Baxia as well – I can filter out only the finest resentful energy for her.”

“You make it sound like cat food.”

“Since you also thrive on resentful energy, what does that make you?”

“A mouse, surely.”

“Nah. Hedgehog.”

The ghost acted as if it had been stabbed and fell over backwards.

Dramatic bastard.

-

“There’s a person outside,” the ghost said. “They’re at the edge of the boundaries.”

Nie Mingjue could feel his shoulders stiffen. “What are they wearing?”

“Nie colors. I would’ve taken care of it myself if it was a Wen.”

They’d had an incident with a Wen squad coming too close, once.

The ghost, strengthened by Nie Mingjue’s demonic cultivation and the bond he’d formed between him and Baxia, had ripped the cultivators in the Wen patrol squad to pieces before they’d gotten too close.

Nie Mingjue had told him that he appreciated the enthusiasm, but to try to keep the mess down a bit next time. All that blood had attracted predators willing to feast on human flesh, and Nie Huaisang was still small.

“What boundary?” he asked, and went to go look down at it from one of the windows. “Oh.”

“Is this going to be a problem?” the ghost wanted to know.

Nie Mingjue looked at the man walking up. “No,” he said. “No problem.”

“What does he want? Is he going to make trouble for Sangsang?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said. “Just for me.”

He waited outside the door, Baxia in his hand.

His father came to a stop a reasonable distance away. “What will it cost for you to return?” he asked.

It was about what Nie Mingjue had expected. They were a practical family.

Nie Mingjue didn’t have memories of his future life, and the ghost didn’t remember this period of his previous life: the months they had spent together in this abandoned fortress, the way Nie Mingjue taught him to smile and to crawl, fed him and changed him and slept with him to calm him, the life they had shared in the world without the ghost.

Still, he had asked the ghost the questions he had wanted answered, casually dropping names into conversation with the ghost to judge his response, and he figured out what his answer must have been in that life before.

He’d asked for the heads of those that had directly threatened Nie Huaisang, and an oath that the sect would honor Nie Huaisang as the heir, that he would be sect leader following Nie Mingjue. He’d gotten what he’d asked for, but what had been meant as a gift had in the end only been a burden – the ghost wouldn’t have been so desperate to come back to this time if it wasn’t.

He wouldn’t make that mistake twice.

He smiled.

“I’d like to make some changes,” he said, thinking of all the people that the ghost had talked about – all the ones who had sad childhoods. Many were the children of the other Great Sects, which would make things tricky to start – most people didn’t want their children raised by outsiders – but he’d thought of ways to make it work, and he knew the investment would ultimately bear fruit. His father, ruthless as he was, would understand that part of it, at least, even if he didn’t understand the rest. “Back me in full, or lose me forever.”

This was even more of a gamble than what he had asked for in his past life. A few heads, even of loyal servants, didn’t matter much, compared to blood – a blank slate was a far more dangerous request.

His father looked him over, and Nie Mingjue knew that he was calculating whether it was worth it. Whether it was Nie Mingjue’s head that he should take, this time, since he himself was still young enough to have more sons. But Nie Mingjue had learned from the ghost all the secrets he’d known about his own future cultivation, added to it the demonic cultivation he’d deduced, and he was, in the end, a genius.

There was a reason he was confident enough to make the request.

“Very well,” his father said. “I will back you.”

-

They told everyone that the ghost was an ancestor.

[squishneedsahero]

Building Trust

The Lost Padawan Part 3

Word Count: 1836

You were raised in the Jedi order, Padawan of Jedi Master Obiwan Kenobi.

Needless to say things are more than a little tense for you. Sure you were trusting these clones, they were different after all, but it didn't change the fact that they were clones. Who knows, they could turn at any moment and suddenly decide to kill you. It didn't matter if there were children around, you had watched the clones storm the temple, taking out Master, Knight, Padawan and Younglings alike.

These worries and others had lead you to where you currently were, outside the safety of the fence, hidden in the depths of the vast grassy fields of the planet. Sure, it was dangerous out there but you knew you could fight any creature that came after you, and you knew you couldn't do that with those six clones. Not when they had kids with them, not ever. It was the same thing that had happened with you and Obiwan, but you hadn't been forced to watch him die.

So, there you were, lying on the cold ground, staring up at the dark sky from between the giant blades of grass. You had no idea how long you had been lying there, all you knew was that it felt like too long. You were exhausted, and needed sleep, you wanted sleep but you couldn't put your mind at ease. And so you continued to lay there.

Sleep evades you for yet another time in a few rotations, and despite being exhausted you get up and walk back to Cut's family farm. You had left without much warning the evening before. They had all been talking about what to do with you and you couldn't handle it for many reasons. First off, the risks that they would be taking by even considering letting you tag along was too great. You couldn't ask that of them. But also you knew you needed off this planet, out of all the systems in the galaxy this was not the one where a Jedi could effectively hide.

The part that hurt the most was the fact that the way they seemed to care reminded you of your master, Obiwan. You had tried so hard to convince him you could handle going with him to find Grievous, you knew you could, what if he had needed back up? But no, he wouldn't be budged then you hadn't been there when the clones turned. You hadn't been there to help save him or anyone for that matter. You had been a disobedient coward who ran as soon as you were faced with danger on your own. You could practically hear Obiwan say that it wasn't your fault and that it is alright to be afraid as you are just a padawan, and still learning.

It's early morning, very early morning, when you climb back inside the fence and approach the quiet house. You're so caught up in thought that it's not until you're taking the first step onto the porch that you even notice Hunter sitting there. You are quiet as you look at him for a moment before softly asking, "couldn't sleep?"

"I slept fine, it looks like you're the one who didn't sleep, kid," he seems to add the kid part as an afterthought.

You shake your head a bit, "I didn't but I'll be fine. I'm used to it anyways," you try to keep your tone light but he picks up on it.

"That's no way to live, you'll have to sleep eventually."

You try for a laugh, "the key word is eventually," with that you take a seat on the top step and look out onto the land with him.

Hunter can tell how stubborn you are, as stubborn as every other Jedi he had come across, but you had to be. That was the way you were programmed at the temple, no emotions, not allowed to feel anything, and stubborn as hell, how else could you concentrate hard enough to move things with your mind.  With this thought in mind, he changes the subject, instead moving to ask something else, "what do you want to do kid?"

"What- oh," you speak before you realize what he is asking, one of the things you had yet to fix in yourself. "I don't know what I want, I just know I don't want to be putting any of you in danger."

"Kid, we're in danger with or without you, we're all deserters. If we didn't want to be in danger we would have given in and followed orders without needing an explanation. You Jedi always try so hard to be selfless all the time, just this one time I'm asking you, be selfish, what do you want to do?"

Hunter's mini-speech causes you to pause. He was right, about all of that, if anything having you there increased their chances of surviving any conflict that could arise. It's a minute before you answer, "even if I'm not worried about putting all of you in more danger, I still don't know what I want to do. My life has been planned out for me, every step, by the Jedi and now they're all gone. I heard all of you talking yesterday, trying to figure out what to do with me, I can't go with Cut and his family. Other than that, I just know I can't stay here, it's too close to Courscant."

"Then it's settled, you'll come with us, as far as you want and when you want to part ways you can," Hunter says in a way that sounds more like an order than anything else, leading to you nodding numbly, going with it.

Hours go by, people wake up, they eat they make more plans, they talk to you and you talk to them. But you don't move from your seat on the top step. You can't sleep but moving and doing anything seems like so much work you can't bring yourself to move. Normally you would have forced yourself up at this point but today you didn't, couldn't.

It's as you're sitting there, eyes closed almost meditating that two small sets of feet climb the stairs next to you. You expect to hear a third pair of feet, but after a few moments of not you open your eyes to see Omega climb through the fence to retrieve the ball they had been playing with.

You're on your feet, running across the yard to stop her, followed quickly by everyone else who had picked up on the fact she hadn't followed the other kids inside. Hunter easily catches you, his legs allowing him to have a greater stride than you and he comes to a stop at the fence, yelling for Omega to come back.

You on the other hand can feel something in the grass, something dangerous and something watching Omega very carefully. You don't let the fence stop you, continuing full speed and using the force to aid in jumping over it, coming to a stop a few meters from Omega as a Nexu emerges from the grass.

Hunter is still shouting, and you glance at Omega, pulling out your lightsaber and readying it for use. "Omega, you get back to the fence, Hunter will help you through-"

You're cut off by a blaster bolt firing and hitting the giant feline. In it's rage it comes at the two of you, Omega finally moves, running towards the fence with the ball in her arms. Hunter had just cut through the fence to come to her rescue, and you charged the Nexu without hesitation, drawing its attention as more blaster bolts hit its tough fur.

The familiar buzz and crackle of your saber flying through the air calms you in a way. You block the many strikes the cat makes towards you and and Omega makes it to safety by the time the Nexu takes off back into the wilderness, scared off by the many attacks. It was a short fight, but it was enough for you. You put your lightsaber away at your hip and carefully make your way back inside the fence where you come to a stop in the middle of a pile of cut grass when you finally let your exhausted body collapse to the ground and you fall asleep.

[intergalactic-padawan]

Of grumpiness and candy stashes

Requested: yes, by a lovely anon who encouraged me to put pen to paper once again

Warnings: none, except for the lack of beta read and my rust ater YEARS of not writing. Hope you like it, and if not, please be kind in the comments (if you feel like writing one, at least)

A/N: Hello everybody! Thanks to a lovely anon who requested a story about Ezra and Kanan taking care of the reader while she’s on her period, I decided that even if it took me like, 3+ days and 4 different drafts I’d try to do it. Sorry if it’s not what you wanted, but i hope you like it!

Pronouns of reader: she/her

*ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE! I make mistakes just like everybody else 😉*

The plan had been simple when you all designd it last night: Hera would be taking Chopper, Sabine and Zeb for a mission while the Ghost hovered on the atmosphere, ready to swoop in if needed.

What had'nt been on your plans though, was to wake up irritated by the sound of your own breath and bleeding out of your lower regions. You normally don't wake up this early and grumpy, but your latest sleep cycles hadn't been very regular to start with. The anxiety, the insomnia, the motion sickness, even the pimple that randomly popped up on your belly should have been obvious signs of the times to come, but you had just been too busy to prepare; now, you were facing the wrath of nature in a swarm of hormones that made it near impossible to wait for Kanan and Ezra to wake up while you prepared your favourite period comfort food: crunchy honey flavoured cereal soaked in bantha milk.

You knew how unpleasent you could be in this state, so the best solution was to eat quickly, go back to your room and hope for the best - it being them not even noticing you had stayed on the ship.

But, considering your average luck, it souldn't have taken you a total of 5 minutes to know this wasn't going to work, though. As they loudly entered the kitchen, you made sure to remember the meditative guidelines the older man had taught you a few months earlier:

Breathe in, don't freak out, breathe out.

Breathe in, don't freak out, breathe out.

-"oh, there she is! Hey, Ezra and I were thinking of going to train for a while outside. Is that ok?"

You balled your fists under the table, for once in your life hoping they would put their jedi abilities to good use and read your mind, which was screaming at them to go away.

-"fine by me" - you shrug - "but I won't take the bame if you fall off the ship to certain doom"

The usual joking tone you used when delivering these sorts of lines wasn't there, wich left them both a bit uneasy and unsure of how to act.

Ezra was starting to feel a bit insecure now. Earlier, he had devised the perfect plan for that day before he entered the kitchen with his master: he wanted to get some time alone with you on the sky after training, to hopefully impress you with his saber skills. Kanan would get a check-up call from Hera, Sabine and Zeb after a while, giving the two of you the perfect time frame to bond among the clouds without anyone suspecting a thing.

-"Um... I was- we were actually wondering if you'd like to maybe go with us?" - The hopeful tone in his voice didn't slip by unnoticed to Kanan, but it appeared that you just weren't having it today.

-"It's a good idea." - Kanan offered - "Breathing some fresh air might be good for all of us, we rarely get to stop and do it anymore between hyperspaces and command ships"

-"Thanks for the offer, I'm honoured you'd think of me" - you forced a smile, breathing deeply to keep your emotions in check.

-"So, you're coming along?" - Ezra tried one more time

-"As I said, thanks for thinking of me. But i think I just want to stay in my room for a while, sorry."

Right on cue, you felt the familiar knot in your stomach that indicated a tampon change was due.

-"Good luck out there though, and may the force be with you or whatever." - You rushed out of the kitchen, leaving your bowl unwashed in the sink. Rule of the crew or not, you could wash it later; all you needed now was to raise your legs and not think about nature's punishment for you deciding not to have children.

.

...x...

.

-"I don't know, Hera" , Ezra says to the blue hologram on top of the table. "I'm not the only one who thinks she's been acting kinda weird today"

-"Exactly" Kanan nodded from behind his padawan "she didn't even want to eat anything with us today, ran through our honey flavoured cereal like they were expiring in a week"

Hera turned her head for a moment, pensive.

-"Have you maybe considered the possibility that she's... on her period?"

To be honest, Eza had no idea what she meant by that, much less why Kanan gasped in realization and facepalmed like it was the most obvious thing and it had slipped right through him.

-"I'm normally not one to assume, she could just be needing some alone time." The twi-lek put her hands on her hips, raising her eyebows "You two sure know how to drive someone crazy, after all"

Ezra was about to interject, but kanan broke him off before he could say anything:

-"Well, it is a possibility. Did she say anything to Sabine?"

-"uh, to be honest kanan," Ezra interrupted, worried about the tone the conversation was taking "I have no idea what you two are talking about. What even is a period? Is she sick?" Hera widened her eyes and let out a small chuckle

-"Well, maybe I should leave you two gentlemen to have this uh... much needed talk. Good luck love" she rushed to end the call before kanan could protest.

His master pursed his lips, looking for words to pop out of the air anywhere but in Ezra's direction. The boy waited, looking patient on the outside but absolutely freaking out on the inside; it hadn't been even a whole day yet! She couldn't be sick of them already, could she? Kanan finally spoke before he could dwell too much on these thoughts, probably sensing his apprentice's worries.

-"So, Ezra... uh- can you tell me what you know about the reproductive system of most biologically female species?"

.

...x...

.

-Pain.

Pain on your head, pain on your legs, pain on your abdomen and pain on organs you didn't even knew could hurt. You were hungry and nauseated, thirsty but too tired to even think of moving your legs. The ground hurt your feet... Since when was the ghost so cold?

You shuffeled your feet a bit until you were covered by heavy blankets, but it didn't last very long until you started sweating and threw them off the bed. Karabast, you'd have to pick them up later.

-"That's why future me doesn't like me at all" - you mumbled, shifting on the bed until you found a position that didn't feel like loth cats were scratching you from the inside while a million banthas danced and jumped erractically on top of you.

"Probably the same reason Kanan and Ezra have been keeping their distance the whole day too" you thought, guilt washing over you for being the biggest pain in the ass the poor men had to endure.

The rational part of you said that you had been driving them away for a few hours because everything they did somehow irritated you and the best logical solution was to isolate yourself until the rage passed; based on past experiences, that was the best solution you could come up with.

Most of your thoughts since you shut the door, however, said that you were overreacting and that they were completely in the right to hate you for everything you'd done.

"but what have I done to them? i haven't even spent any time with other people since my uterus decided to reenact the clone wars and I had to shut myself off not to explode"

"exactly. Now they probably think you hate them too"

The thought of hurting their feelings stung more that you liked to admit. You had been growing closer to Ezra these last days, and he seemed to like your company as much as you enjoyed his. You were hoping to get some time to talk to him away from everybody else for the first time today, but the universe just had other plans, apparently.

-"well, it's now or never" You groaned, dragging your legs out of the bed. You needed painkillers now, or else you would be useless when the rest of the crew returned at the end of the day.

You finally opened your door fully expecting the other ghost members to be distant, and rightfully so. You were also expecting them to fuss over you - and you prepared yourself to be as patient as possible, maybe even explain why you had been acting the way you did. What you weren't expecting though, was to see them both with piles and piles of pillows and junk food by your door, ready to knock.

-"Heeey, you're back on your feet!" - Kanan exclaimed a bit awkwardly, but mostly excited, after a few moments of stunned silence by the three of you.

-"I am" -you replied cheerfully, but still a bit confused - "still standing, yes. Sorry, were you knocking? I didn't hear"

-"Oh, no, we didn't get to" - Ezra throws the pillows on the ground - "you opened the door before we could."

-"Ok, so what are you doing here? " - you stopped yourself before anything else you said could come out in that accustory tone.

-"I mean, what is..." - you gesture at the boxes of cereal kanan had along with 5 water bottles on this other hand. - "all this?"

-"We thought maybe you needed some water, after an entire day in there" - Kanan offered you your designated mug, which you gratefully took a sip of.

-"Not that it's a problem! Not at all- I mean, we miss you, but we understand you needed some alone time... by yourself. Without us. Or anyone."

You smiled softly, realizing they'd figured out what was going on and grateful they were trying to be as gentle as they could. You really had to be the luckiest person in the entire galaxy.

-"We were just passing by to give you some snacks and to ask if you wanted to join us in the living room for a movie session" - Kanan continued, reassured by your smile -"We're watching this new musical Sabine recommended."

-"we also have candy!" your smile only grew bigger as Ezra took a small box full of colourful treats from his pockets. Were those...?

-"Correlian Favourites of the force? You bet!"

-"Alright, you convinced me" - you picked up the blankets he'd dropped, laughing when he tried to do the same and your foreheads bumped - "but I want the purple ones!"

You snatched the package and ran through the small corridors of the ghost until he tackled you in an embrace, not even trying to get the candies back, Kanan noticed.

Huh. Perhaps the chance for a nice bonding experience wasn't completely ruined for the day yet.

.

...x...

.

You lay on the floor surrounded by fluffy blankets, with soft hands running through your hair. Kanan was fast asleep behind you, and the movie wasn't even close to ending yet.

-"hey, Ezra?" - you heard him humming in response as he shifted closer

-"where did you get these candies from again? i thought you'd ran out of them in like a week or so"

he flashed a mischevious grin, looking around like anyone could be overhearing

-"can you keep a secret?" you nodded, giggling

-"they were from zeb's stash"

You gasped excitedly and he quickly shushed you, eyes darting to kanan to make sure he really wasn't listening.

-"Ezra, he's gonna kill you if he finds out!" - you just couldnt stop laughing, and his hands now moved from your lips to your shoulders as he tried to contain his laughter as well

-"Well, he's not gonna know if you don't tell him!" - he winked - "plus, for you, it's totally worth it".

[subbing-for-clones]

Stranded Part 2

Savage Opress x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

WARNINGS: Mentions of death and decomposition, mental illness, fear terror and FLUFF

PREVIOUS         NEXT          MASTERLIST

       Savage's eyes fluttered open to the sun shining brightly through the trans-durasteel panes that decorated the walls seemingly without rhyme or reason. The little one was frying some kind of thin meat strips on the stove and sipping hot caf. Without turning her head, she called over to him.

"How ya feeling?"

"Not great but better."

She turned and strode over to him, still laying down.

"I couldn't do this yesterday but I can today."

"What do you mean..?"

    She placed her hands on his bare broad chest and closed her eyes. A warm tingling sensation wafted over him. It felt like sunshine, utter joy and flying all at once. When she pulled away her eyes were a little fuzzy.

"It takes a lot of energy but you can transfer your life force to something and heal it. I was kinda low yesterday," she turned matter-of-factly back to the stove.

    Savage had only ever had painful experiences when it came to using the force or having it used on him. He hadn't ever thought of it as anything other than a weapon. He wanted to ask about it but shy away from the topic. Instead, he stood and stretched. He didn't have an ounce of pain. This woman who found him once again amazed him.

While the two unlikely pair ate their breakfast, her eyes didn't leave him, slightly squinting.

"You haven't been like this very long?"

"No. I was altered by the witches of my home world."

"Huh. Did you ask for this?" truly curious she stopped eating.

"No." she cocked a brow at his response, waiting for an elaboration.

"My species is subservient to our women. We live separately and go through deadly trials to be chosen by one for breeding or whatever they want really." He continued eating as the information he provided was simply normal for him.

"Was this..." she waved her hand at his body. "For breeding?" his cheeks slightly tinged in a deeper gold.

"No. I was chosen to act as a weapon for one of the sisters. She abandoned me when I didn't live up to the expectation." the woman noted as his eyes darkened. Wanting to change his mood she lightened up.

"Well, I'm happy you're here Savage. You have much to learn in the ways of the force.. you're strong but your energy is incredibly dark but you... you do not feel that way....." she trailed off in thought and muttered, "certainly an enigma. Very interesting," she tapped her finger against her chin.

    Savage's heart fluttered. He had never received any kind of praise from a female before and he didn't really know how to process it. His flush only deepened when she once again undressed in his line of sight, slipping on a shorter, loose grey dress.

"When you've finished, dress and meet me outside,” she skipped out the door and shouted something unintelligible into the trees.

    Savage silently hoped she wasn't completely insane while he quickly washed the dishes for her. He pulled on his pants and his long black kilt. Remembering that she had cut off his shirt for a sling he huffed and left the tattered remnant. When he came out, he saw what could've been a scene in a holovid. She stood with under a ray of sunlight, skin shimmering in the glow with a bright smile gracing her face. Her hands were pressed to the forehead of a green Varactyl while a dozen small song birds of every color fluttered around her.

"I think I should call you 'princess,'" he stepped forward cautiously.

She giggled melodiously.

"Mira here won't hurt you I promise. You think I look like a princess?" she flushed and batted her eyelashes.

"More than anyone else I've ever seen."

She extended her hand out to Savage.

"Come here," she cooed. He slowly made his way to her and took her hand. It was soft and warm, she held it for just a moment, running her thumb over his knuckles.

"Do not be afraid. Mira is a friend," she placed his hand where hers was just a minute ago on the Varactyl's head.

"Close your eyes and reach out to her with the force. Gently."

    He stood there for a minute before he felt anything. All of a sudden it felt like wind was rushing around him. He could see trees flying past him and a breeze danced against his skin. He leapt from trees, gliding through the air.

    She watched with satisfaction as his and Mira's eyes were closed and their breathing synced slowly. She felt their signatures meld for a moment. Savage pulled his hand away and looked at her wide eyed but grinning. Mira chirped happily beside him.

"Good, you made the connection. Rather quickly I might add. Mira is a receptive one. Very friendly. She's been with me a couple years now."

"I...I felt what she feels when she hunts," he was smiling at the creature fondly.

"Yes, that seems to be a favorite time for her."

"That felt much different than any other time I've used the force.... was that the light side?"

"I'm sure the Jedi would say yes but I am no Jedi. I don't see the force as light or dark."

Savage looked confused. Everyone called the force light or dark. The woman continued,

"Take a knife for example. In the wrong hands... a knife can take an innocent life, used to rob someone or threaten them other ways. However, in the 'right' hands it can be used as a medical instrument, carve wood or simply chop produce. I think of the force in the same way. The intent is what matters to me. Did you want to hurt Mira when you reached out to her?"

"No..no I didn’t," he stammered.

"That’s why it felt different."

    Savage understood what you were saying and turned back to Mira. The animal nudged him gently with her head affectionately.

"Let's go for a ride. I wanna finish stripping the ships you landed on. I haven't been to those ones yet. If you have anything else there, now’s a good time to get it."

    The woman strapped large bags onto the sides of the Varactyl. She hopped up onto Mira's back and once again extended her hand out to Savage. He climbed up and took his seat behind her. When Mira lurched forward, he gripped the woman's waist tightly so he wouldn't fall off and she laughed.

"Hold on tight handsome it's not a long ride but it's a turbulent one."

"A-alright princess."

      The added weight did nothing to slow Mira down. She was light on her feet and graceful. Leaping high into the air and gliding back down into the canopy. Princess whooped and cried out in excitement whereas Savage just held her tighter. His chest swelled with the rush. He was terrified but also having fun. He was a little disappointed when it ended and the ships were in sight. He slid off first and held his hands out for the princess. She beamed down at him and let Savage lift her by her waist with her hands on his shoulders. Her breath hitched when he pulled her down to him to set her on the grass underfoot. Quickly turning away to hide the heat rushing to her face.

"Alright, anything you wanna take, toss it in the bags. I'm gonna look through some of the others.”

    They parted. Savage always traveled light so he didn't have much to take with him. Some extra med gear and clothes, that was it. He hesitated in the cockpit looking down at the talisman that Mother Talzin gave him. It lay in pieces. He exhaled a silent apology, acknowledging that he probably wouldn't find his brother anytime soon. He slipped the pieces gently into his pocket and made his way out. After securing his few belongs in the saddle bag on Mira, he turned around to look for the princess. He could sense her nearby but couldn't see where she was.

"SAVAGE!"

He ran back to the hazardous pile of crashed ships.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

He sighed relieved when she popped out behind his transport smiling ear to ear. His heart still pounding.

"It’s not huge but there's a Kriffing cargo ship buried under your transport and a fighter. Help me lift them. Cargos are gold mines."

    She stood shoulder to shoulder with him; well, shoulder to rib. Both of their arms were raised. It was shaky at first but they managed to move Savage’s large transport off to the side with the force. The fighter was much easier to shift. She grabbed his wrist and cried out excitedly, pulling him along to the sealed door.

"Could you cut it open with your saber?"

He smiled as she watched him ignite his saber and cut through the thick durasteel.

"Yes! Cutitopencutitopencutitopen!" she chanted excitedly and squealed.

Once he kicked the obstacle out of their way she shrieked and dove practically head first inside. When he entered, he was hit with the heavy scent of death. Four Weequay bodies lay scattered and half rotted around the cargo bay. Savage covered his nose with a disgusted look on his face.

The woman however didn't seem bothered by it as she sifted through the containers.

"This was a pirate ship... I haven't seen many of those," her whole top half was inside a rather large container while she spoke.

"Usually lots of credits, jewelry, spice.... not really useful to us right now but if we ever make it out of here, we'll be rich." He made his way to the sleeping quarters and took the standard med gear and hygiene supplies that was fairly standard to each room.

    When he came out, he found her pleasantly surprised as she held up some lovely dresses in bright colors to her form.

"I think I can tailor these to fit..." more thinking out loud than actually talking to him. She walked deeper, into the cockpit and tried to fire up the engine to no avail. She didn't have hope, it looked like they nose-dived into the ground anyway. She sighed and checked the common area.

    Rations, some cook ware in better shape than hers was, liquor... other odds and ends that would be decently useful. Savage found her holding a Sabacc deck.

"Do you know how to play?" She asked coyly?

"Yeah... some of the other nightbrothers taught me when I was a pup. Do you?" She shook her head.

"Well, I'll show you. We can play together." Her face lit up and something warmed in his chest that he'd never felt before. He pointed his thumb back towards the cargo bay.

"I found something you might be interested in.." she followed him; arms full. He fiddled with a small electronic box and powered it up.

"It won't connect to the net out here but it looks like there are some downloaded holovids,” he turned back to face her. She had dropped everything she was carrying and stared at him in amazement.

"I...I've never seen a holo-player out here before," he smirked.

"Well princess if you can charge it, we can see what's on it."

    The two of them loaded up what they had onto Mira. Princess did a thorough once over of the other ships. Finding a blaster with a decent amount of charges was the second best find next to the holo-player. They found a few sewing kits, more rations and med kits, and some crop seeds which also excited her.

They had ended up spending much longer than she wanted to searching through the wreckage. The sun was starting to set and it was falling fast.

"We need to get going. It gets dangerous at night... things come out.." she shifted uncomfortably on her feet looking up into the trees. Mira let out a quiet warning chirp. Savage lifted her up and put her on the Varactyl's back, climbing up behind her. This time when he held her waist it was more protective.

"I think I can sense them... what are they?"

Mira took off but it was slower, more cautious than when they came here to begin with.

"I don't know.. I've never seen them clearly. I know they have two arms, and three long sharp claws. Their hide is tough and... very rough. No fur.."

    Savage held his saber in one hand, not yet igniting it. He could see in the dark but these creatures still hid. The sky was a deep, dusty blue as dusk swallowed the atmosphere. It felt different at night. Like the air was hungry.

"I will keep you safe," he said as his eyes darted around. Once they broke the tree line it was only a short distance to the cabin. They unhooked the bags from Mira and she dashed behind the house up the barren hills, as far away from the forest as she could get. Savage and princess walked into the house.

"I've never seen them leave the forest. They've never come out of the trees into the clearing so the house and the yard are safe as well as the hot springs and hills behind us. Savage nodded in understanding.

"Stay here," his voice rumbled, "I'll fetch wood for the fire."

    She nodded before he left with his weapon in hand. Princess started putting away their various findings and set some rations out on the table. They were going to have to go hunting again tomorrow. She felt his shift in the force. Fear had a particularly unique wavelength. She took the blaster and right before could get to the door he kicked it open with his arms filled with wood. He hurried inside, dropped the wood and latched the lock. His face was blanched.

"Are you alright?" she asked slowly reaching for him.

"They just stood there. Behind the trees. Watching."

"You have night vision?"

He nodded and looked down at her.

"I... I’ve never seen anything like them. So.. gangly. Tall and.." he shuddered and shook his head, controlling himself. If she lived here for so long it was safe but when he turned back to face her, she had regressed.

"Beasts in the trees....." she still stood but her eyes were blown, her arms crossed over her chest; trembling.

"Beasts in the trees...." she repeated

He quickly gathered her up in his arms and sat on the bed. Her terror radiating off of her. He shushed her softly and rocked gently. With a finger under her chin, he tilted her face up to his.

"Come back to me princess," he whispered soothingly.

"It’s alright, you're safe. I will keep you safe. I've cut down bigger and scarier things in my life. My planet has a rancor infestation. I have you. It's alright," he continued to whisper and hold her until she came down. She splayed her hand on his chest over his hearts. Their strong beat acting as an anchor. She buried her face in his neck. Her breath hot on his skin.

That warm feeling pooled in his chest again. He ran his fingers across her forehead, swishing away the hair that had fallen over it. She finally pulled away to look into his eyes.

"T-thank you Savage... I don't know how much longer I could've lasted alone out here. I feel like I'm breaking as soon as the sun goes down." He thought about his next words carefully as he stroked her cheek.

"My people live in darkness. I have lived with and fought against its terrors all of my life. I swear to you I am strong enough to keep you from harm. Today I found myself... almost glad to have crashed here. Because of you, and what you can show me. But, mostly you princess," his face was hot. She pressed a tender kiss to his cheek.

"We should eat. You especially. I imagine you're starving. The rations aren't bad with the hot sauce I found," she smiled coyly at him.

    They ate in a comfortable silence. This time he watched as she slipped off her dress out of the corner of his eye. A feeling of want tingling under the surface. When they crawled in bed together, she wrapped her leg around him and lay her head on his chest. Listening to his hearts beat while he held her close to him.

She stayed like that all night and for the first time in years, she slept through the night.

[bedlamsbard]

All right, reactions to Mando 2.05, “The Jedi”, in...semi-coherent form. Spoilers, obvs. I hated this episode, so keep scrolling now if you don’t want to see negativity.  This is not in any kind of order except stream-of-conscious.

again, I reiterate, spoilers.

again, I reiterate, this is REALLY negative.

Rosario Dawson...yikes.

how...did Bo-Katan know that Ahsoka was on Corvus? are they in contact? since when? Ahsoka seems to have been on Corvus for long enough to be a nuisance to the Magistrate (Morgan Elsbeth), but normally Ahsoka is very efficient and she just...really does not seem to be here? I did not get the impression she was planning on sticking around for any period of time.

(the same could be true for Frog Lady and Bo-Katan on Trask several episodes back. that wasn’t a convert, that was three Mandalorians hanging around the port in cloaks. I guess they could be doing that on the regular, but? would the Empire not then be more worried about being attacked by Mandalorians?)

there was only ever a very, very slim chance that I was going to be happy with any translation of Ahsoka from animation to live action.  I am on record as thinking that animation is the medium for Star Wars and that live action is always going to be a weaker medium than animation and that a lot of things that can be done in animation just cannot be translated to live action in any meaningful form.  I knew Ahsoka’s fighting style couldn’t translate to live action convincingly (here’s what I said about the mo-capped duel in TCW); it never occurred to me that they couldn’t pull off TOGRUTA given that Shaak Ti, you know, exists, and also there are so many excellent Ahsoka cosplayers.

(Consider KM Creations’ excellent silicone lekku (S7), which have beautiful movement; the cosplayer behind that is CallMeSnips and her epilogue prototype is from SWCC is in there somewhere.  I think Rei Kennex’s are latex (you can tell they don’t have much movement) but at least they’re the right length.  I think Ahsoka94′s are also latex (again with the movement); this is her Mortis vision grown-up Ahsoka.)

AND YES, THE LEKKU/MONTRALS WERE A DEAL-BREAKER FOR ME.

I feel very “you have made your bed and now you have to die in it” about that -- apparently the reasoning is for stunts and movement, but for me here’s the thing: her lekku length wasn’t optional.  This is not the equivalent of changing a hair style, which some people seem to think (believe me, I have read so many hot takes); this is like...I’m trying to think of a good comparison.  Like putting Peter Mayhew or Joonas Suotamo in a wig because Chewie’s head was too hard for the actor to see out of, or giving them normal human hands because they can’t grip with the Wookiee hands.

Also your main character wears a helmet at all times that (if it’s anything like my Mandalorian helmet) is pretty poor visibility and full body armor and THIS was your breaking point for stunts?

Ahsoka’s lekku and montrals grow as she ages. These are about S7 length; as @reena-jenkins put it, THEY DE-AGED HER HEAD.  Ahsoka fans coming in know this.  PEOPLE SAW THE REBELS EPILOGUE.

I wonder how many of the people being self-righteous about being totally fine about Ahsoka’s lekku are the same people who claim that Katee Sackhoff is too young to play Bo-Katan.

this also puts them in a weird position in regards to the inevitable merchandise: do they go with normal Ahsoka from TCW and Rebels, the one everyone is familiar with, or do they go with these stunted lekku?

(I can’t believe they’re going to make Her Universe sell merch with this Ahsoka on it. it’s not going to happen but I wish HU was going to be petty enough to not sell any nu!Ahsoka merch.)

Here is some nice art of how Ahsoka’s lekku and montral should have looked.

hoo boy were those prosthetics also just Bad.

“but the stunts” buddy I’m sure Pedro Pascal and his various stunt doubles aren’t having a great time in full armor with almost no visibility either

if you’re going to put the character in, do it right

YOU CAN’T CHEAT

look, I am really, really aural -- the best example I can give is that even though intellectually I know that Matt Lanter and Hayden Christensen both play Anakin Skywalker, I literally cannot parse them as both being the same Anakin Skywalker and for that reason TCW and the PT don’t exist for the same continuity for me.  (This also goes for Ewan McGregor and James Arnold Taylor, Natalie Portman and Cat Taber, and Samuel L. Jackson and TC Carson. I can kinda cope with the multiple Palpatine VAs. Yes, the decision to use Hayden and Sam in Ahsoka’s vision in “Shattered,” even blending into Matt’s voice from Hayden’s, threw me so badly I couldn’t take the vision seriously.)  Ashley Eckstein has a very distinctive voice, and moreover has been the only person to ever voice Ahsoka up to this point (even in the Ahsoka novel audiobook). Barring a MIRACLE I was never going to be able to parse another actress’s voice as Ahsoka’s, solely because of how my brain works.

I could probably have parsed someone else’s face because animated Ahsoka is pretty stylized but the voice thing is a huge problem for me because of how aural I am.

(I say this but when Squadrons did a more live action-style Hera -- knowing they mo-capped Vanessa Marshall I think they used Vanessa’s face for Hera’s, which is also what it looks like on the revised art and face sculpt for the Black Series Hera -- I kind of had a meltdown about it (for...weird reasons). And that was the same VA.)

(The timeskip between TCW and Rogue One, then Rebels, probably saved Saw Gerrera for me here, but he was also never a main character.)

can you believe that Sam Witwer’s Maul got more live action respect than Ashley Eckstein’s Ahsoka

I love Sam’s Maul but wow

this is particularly jarring because Dave Filoni and Ashley Eckstein always seemed like they were friends? I realize that this gets skewed by how little of their actual lives we see online, but that is the vibe that I’ve gotten from interviews and social media posts.

can you believe that TROS gave more respect to Ashley Eckstein’s Ahsoka than Dave Filoni’s Mando episode did (here is her statement on TROS.)

back in March, when the Dawson casting rumors first dropped (or leaked, as the case may be), Ashley posted a statement about it saying that she was not involved in The Mandalorian. she has over the years been very vocal about desperately wanting to play live-action Ahsoka, who is a character solely associated with her up until today, and honestly this just breaks my heart.

I am not the massive Ashley Eckstein fan that many Ahsoka fans are, but I have never heard anything bad about her (I saw her at my hotel at SWCC while I was waiting for my roommate to arrive! that’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to her, a distance of about six feet), and I really desperately hope that someone told her about this beforehand and she didn’t find out from watching the episode.

Also, while I’m here talking about Ashley Eckstein, the characterization here was extremely off, in that specific way that happens when a writer/director is working with their absolute favorite character, DAVE FILONI. I do trust Ashley to course-correct Dave on Ahsoka (in the same way we’ve heard about Sam Witwer pushing back on people about Maul), and that...was not happening here.  (I think Katee Sachoff said something similar to this about Bo-Katan in her interview last week, as well.)

how did you get Bo-Katan so right and Ahsoka so wrong

look, Dave Filoni is truly living up to George Lucas’s legacy in that he can story tell pretty well but he’s not actually that great at nitty-gritty of writing and directing. (none of the really good TCW episodes are his.)

this episode made me think of A Friend in Need (which he directed) which is not, like, a BAD episode but quite notoriously includes the Bo-Katan ass-slap and also Ahsoka beheading four Mandalorians at once.

it also includes a helpless village of oppressed and exploited Asian-coded civilians who are there mostly as background scenery so the bad guys can be bad and the heroes can feel righteous

I’ll come back to that one

the level of violence in this episode was...weird. honestly, too high? in a way that probably would not have registered if it was anyone but Ahsoka. look, I am an animated shows person. I know TCW and Rebels inside and out. I know that neither one is particularly shy about killing off faceless bad guys (though if you watch Rebels S1 compared to Rebels S4 they really dial back the amount of fatal violence the main characters commit in the last season, lol).  But this felt off for Ahsoka in a way I can’t really articulate.

why is Ahsoka attacking a random Mandalorian (her allies are Mandalorians!) who is walking through the woods WITH A BABY? WITHOUT WARNING?

part of that is just her movement -- when they animated her for TCW back in 2008, they made a deliberate decision to give her mannerisms and movement and a fighting style that a human can’t do because she isn’t human and animation can do that. which means that they hobbled themselves when they came to translating her to live action because uh a human can’t do that.

something about her lightsaber blades looked really, really wrong and I can’t put my finger on what. it’s like they just used the illuminated blades of the stunt sabers but didn’t do the extra CGI that the films do? I don’t know.

Ahsoka did a LOT of dramatic posing and what WAS that?

Dave can’t direct live action, that’s what that was

since when can you canonically convey that much information mind to mind

are Ahsoka and Grogu a dyad in the Force (I know the answer is no but also: what? what was happening?)

the only people we’ve seen who can do that sort of thing are Quinlan Vos and Cal Kestis, who both have the rare talent for telemetry, and even that’s not mind to mind communication, that’s touching a thing and going “YIKES”

you are telling me that Ahsoka Tano, whom six months ago we saw take on Darth Maul, a whole barrage of Mandalorian warriors, and her entire clone trooper battalion and walk away without a scratch, had to work up a sweat fighting one woman with a spear

you do know that we all saw TCW and Rebels right

and here’s the problem! this episode makes zero sense if you HAVE seen TCW and Rebels because (1) she doesn’t look right (2) she doesn’t fight right (3) timelines? we’ve never heard of them? (4) is Thrawn back? did you find the Chimaera? (you all do remember that Ezra and Thrawn aren’t out there alone and are in fact with a 40,000 man crewed star destroyer right) (5) did you NOT find them? (6) are you even looking? (7) this is supposed to be AFTER the Rebels epilogue unless you’ve decided to take advantage of that specific ending scene not being super specifically dated and if it’s before IT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE! because I desperately hate that epilogue and its implications EVEN AS IT IS! (8) why would you call this episode “The Jedi” when since 2013 Ahsoka’s whole thing has been not being a Jedi

to be fair I’m pretty sure S7 tried very hard to course correct that but unfortunately, they could not because the rest of canon exists

are you still trying to deny me grown Ahsoka and Rex when we know you got Temuera back for a five second shot of Boba

to be fair I would have the same aural problems with Temuera voicing Rex because that’s Dee Bradley Baker as far as I’m concerned (I reiterate that this is because of how my brain process character and sound, not anythign else)

if you haven’t seen TCW and Rebels this is a random Jedi wandering around for no specific reason namedropping a completely random person who has no prior significance unless it’s going to turn up later

this entire show has consisted of namedropping random people and things with no prior significance within the show itself and it remains entirely unclear whether they’re ever going to have significance within the show itself

look, I can buy Ahsoka not wanting to train the kid both for her stated reasons and for some implied stuff from earlier on in canon (the kids in the Ahsoka novel, the babies from Future of the Force), even what happened with Ezra, and obviously she has Plans and cannot haul a baby around with her when that baby is going to be a baby for an indeterminate amount of time

which honestly is something that ought to come up because even if Ahsoka wanted to train the kid by the time she grew old and died he might, if we were very lucky, have advanced to being essentially a pre-teen and then would be on his own again? this is also true for Din.

lol sure go cast yourself out into the Force, I’m sure there’s absolutely not a single darksider still wandering around the galaxy who might perk up at “ooh, free apprentice!”

I’m literally starting to think that this show takes place in an alternate universe where Luke and Leia either don’t exist or died at some point in the OT

me, baffled, last season: you’re telling me Cara Dune, Alderaanian, had never heard of the Jedi? was she not keeping up with whatever Leia Organa was doing? was the Rebel Alliance actually big enough that PEOPLE IN IT HADN’T HEARD OF LUKE SKYWALKER?

what...is Luke doing right now. isn’t he training Leia?

WHAT HAS AHSOKA BEEN DOING FOR TEN YEARS are we seriously supposed to believe she peaced out of the Rebel Alliance after Malachor and whatever the hell they’re going to make that out to be (honestly at this point I’m betting on “they will never touch it”)

does or does Ahsoka not know that Luke exists

hoo boy can you just see them trying to cast a younger Luke, or do you think they’d CGI de-age Mark Hamill?

oh yeah let’s go through this again in a season with someone else playing young Luke, let’s, I’m not emotionally invested in that so I’m prepared to be entertained

hasn’t Sebastian Stan been floated (even if just on Twitter) for young Luke?

why are these not-imperials on this planet. what are they doing here. what’s the point.

 why is the planet...being burned? I was half-expecting, like, normal deforestation (in terms of logging for lumber) but I’m also a bit ??? about this.

since when is beskar resistant to lightsabers, I thought cortosis was the only thing that was? whatever, it’s new canon, they can do whatever they want. (ETA: apparently that’s been true for a while; I am more a Jedi person than a Mandalorian one as far as the EU goes and my Mandalorian lore is my weakest point.)

dear god were these fight scenes bad

I did spot Morai and I appreciated the tookas

okay, I am taking the next thing out of bullet points because I was really, really upset by it, and as an Asian-American woman it affects me directly.

I was really, really shaken by the use of village of (space) Asian people who were portrayed solely as background victims to be tortured and exploited.  Star Wars has a long history of Orientalism, and some of it I can look away from and some of I can’t.  Mando especially has a very bad track record with its treatment of Asian characters (Fennec Shand), and in recent years the rest of Star Wars live action has also been pretty bad about it; I will never forget how shaken and upset I was by Paige Tico’s death at the beginning of TLJ, and Rose’s sidelining in TROS was a lot to deal with. There has also been some pretty appalling anti-Asian racism from the Mandalorian fandom that I have seen in regards towards casting rumors about Sabine (which brought me to the point of tears as recently as yesterday).

I had been braced for Rosario Dawson Ahsoka because it’s been rumored for so long, if never officially confirmed by Lucasfilm, and after they pulled the original VA for Leia from Resistance a few years ago (without ever making an official statement but it was after she made really dismissive statements during the Kavanaugh hearings) I was still really hoping they’d pull Dawson for the transphobic assault allegations, or that the rumors were false, or...something.  I was not expecting the way that they treated the Asian civilian population here.  I kept hoping that there was going to be something, and it’s like they kept almost going there with Governor Wing (you want to make either his name or his position clear in the actual episode, maybe?) but then kept pulling back, which just made the whole population victims that had to be rescued by outsiders. And exploited, and tortured, and abused in general.

And yes, I’m aware the Magistrate/Morgan Elsbeth is an Asian-American woman.  That doesn’t make it better?  Since Ahsoka presumably kills her offscreen?

(Also Diana Lee Inosanto is a stunt performer and a fight choreographer, why is that fight scene so wooden, damn.)

okay back to bullet points to wrap up

I realize I haven’t said much about Din and the kid and that’s because they didn’t...do...much? I guess if you’re actually invested in them “YAY HE HAS FEELINGS” is a major thing but I’m not

I have flashes of being invested in Din, but the problem is that I never know what the hell this show is doing because it’s all over the place.  We are 5/8 of the way into season 2 and I have no idea what it’s trying to do: they keep setting stuff up and then not doing anything with it. I can make vague predictions based on what’s set up and based on my knowledge of canon, but this show is so weirdly set up and paced that I can never tell if they’re something for A Reason, for the lulz, or for the Aesthetic.

I feel extremely vindicated by the revelation a few weeks ago that Din grew up in a cult but I also straight-up feel like I spent the past year being gaslighted about what Mandalorians were, and that’s...not a great feeling. Do I think that the show is going to do anything with that? Fuck, I don’t know. I hope so. I know what I’d do as a writer. But I can’t predict anything they’re doing and that makes me really uneasy.

jeez, at least when George Lucas was making Star Wars you knew he was doing it to entertain himself and tell a specific story rather than constantly having to go back and wonder what story lines got compromised for a project down the road.

like, is this why they did mo-cap Ahsoka in S7, to brace us for live action Ahsoka here? I know they had already filmed Mando S2 before S1 came out. WHY THEY DIDN’T THEY REUSE LAUREN MARY KIM AS AHSOKA’S STUNT DOUBLE THEN? it’s not like she hasn’t stunted in Mando before?

if this was supposed to be a backdoor pilot to a Rebels sequel...I will flip a table

I enjoyed the Bad Batch eps in TCW S7 but knowing that there’s going to be a Bad Batch show I’m now wondering if they’re only in S7 to backdoor pilot that show

how far back does this go? did they put the Legacy of Mandalore story line in Rebels S4 solely to set up for this? especially considering that that’s the one thing in S4 that actually has saga weight and then they immediately got rid of everything it accomplished to set up for this?

I presume that this is the reason they refused to release the turnaround for Ahsoka’s epilogue look two years ago. apparently it doesn’t matter given they changed her entire epilogue color scheme and also her lekku and personality.

Look -- at the end of the day, there was only about a 2% chance I was ever going to like this episode, but I was holding out for it nevertheless. I do get surprised from time to time! I liked the Bo-Katan episode! This was, however, a hot mess. And yes: a lot of the things that bother me are not going to bother other people. (I haven’t seen anyone comment on the Asian villagers, for example.)

[razorblade180]

Shackles Finale: Free

[Part 12]

Destiny is a fickle thing. For some it’s real, and for others it’s as fake as fairy tales. No matter what however, time still goes on. Things still happen. Ruby was never one to think too hard on the topic despite all she’s been through. However, as she walked into Menagerie’s hospital soaking wet from the extreme downpour happening in the middle of the night, Ruby couldn’t help but wonder if it was destiny to test everyone’s resolve; or karma coming to collect.

Her self imposed mission had been going well. Adam cooperated, Blake planned ahead, and things progressed steadily. It should’ve stayed like that for three more months. Unfortunately things don’t always go as planned. Jacquelyn went into labor early, too early. The woman woke up today looking fit as a fiddle. Who could’ve guessed she would be fighting for her life today? Her, and her daughter?

Hospital staff were in a frenzy from the storm just like the public. It made getting to the back where everyone was without suspicion easy for Ruby. Certain doctors were notified ahead of time of the complexities of their patient and precautions had already been in place for Jacquelyn and company to have no disturbances. Though nobody factored in an unhealthy birth creating this island’s worst storms to date. Ruby made it to the sealed off waiting room. What should’ve been a haven of calm was another conflict. Blake stood arms folded and ears back in the way of guards and her conflicted father while Adam sat behind her, silent.

“You know I expected more from you, Saber. That goes double for you dad.”

The man frowned. “Blake, this wasn’t my-”

“We have held our end of the agreement.” Saber interjected, “Adam was to be free until the child was born. Not my problem that day came early.”

Blake grit her teeth. “You know damn well that’s not why I’m standing here right now!” She said through her teeth. His kid had just been born moments ago and just like that, she was rushed to intensive care. Meanwhile Jacquelyn was slipping in and out, her body failing her during the labor. “Let him see this through.”

“What good would it do him to hear terrible news? He’ll lash out for all we know. That can not happen in a hospital!”

“You just want to kick him while he’s down!”

“AND FOR GOOD REASON!”

Okay, Ruby had enough. “HEY!” She yelled, gaining everyone’s attention. She brushed her wet hair out of her face. “I set up generators across the island. No one's gonna lose power. I also told people Menagerie’s guards were making their rounds to make sure everyone was accounted for. I don’t mean to overstep being an outsider and all but…” her eyes burrowed into Saber’s “Get to work.” It wasn’t kind or even right necessarily, but Ruby didn’t care.

Feeling the pressure, Saber made the wise decision to take his people and leave. Ghira looked at Blake with guilt in his eyes for letting it get this far. “Listen I-”

“You know I understand mom not wanting anything to do with this, but I didn’t expect this from you. It’s like you’re trying to create every reason to push him back into old habits and make all this worthless. We will hold up our end of the bargain, so teach them what you tell me and have some patience.”

Ghira didn’t want to admit it, but she was right. There was caution, and then there was insensitivity. He had no words, just a nod before walking away.

Ruby grabbed his arm in passing. “She knows this wasn’t your call. Blake is stressed. Your house still has power. Ilia is with Kali trying to calm down Sienna and Sun is helping check on people. Maybe you should go home too?” Ruby smiled softly. She knew a worried father when she saw one. Ghira needed something to do.

“I appreciate the concern Mrs. Rose, but I think I’ll just stand guard outside this room.”

“Understood, and hey, things will work themselves out.” Ruby let him go and headed from one worried feline to the next. “You know he’s not to blame right? He’s just…trying to keep everyone connected.”

Blake let out a sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I know that, and I also know he’s not going to lose me. But right now I really need everyone to not jump the gun. Thanks for keeping the peace. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention to your leadership skills.”

“I just got snippy with faunus officers on their own island. Really testing my boundaries with my status as an important huntress across Remnant.” Ruby patted Blake on the back. “You should go check in on the doctors. I’ll do my job watching our person of interest.”

“Okay.” Blake looked back at Adam. He stayed quiet throughout all of this, eyes closed and arms crossed. He must’ve figured the best thing he could do right now is not look threatening. “I’ll let you know first if anything changes okay?”

He still didn’t move but that didn’t stop him from speaking. “Thank you.” He heard Blake run off in a hurry while the sound of chair legs rubbed the ground in front of him. Adam opened his one good eye and saw Ruby sitting in front of him with her scroll in hand.

“You know…I can’t remember when a day has felt this long.” Ruby sighed, “Moments like these is enough to just make you want stop time ya know?”

“I don’t need sympathy.”

“Wasn’t giving any. Just venting I guess. My husband sent me a text. I’m missing a very important arrival today; not that it’s your fault by any means. I just know it’s gonna be grounds for a conversation later that might get feisty, again.”

Adam could see how tired Ruby was. The normally energetic woman was leaning back in her seat, eyes closed.

“Maybe you shouldn’t take long missions then?”

“Pfft nah. I don’t regret helping where I can. Besides I didn’t know until after I took the mission. Things will work themselves out though. That’s how family works. Believe in each other and the impossible happens.”

“I know what you’re doing. It’s not gonna work. Just stop talking okay?”

Ruby pursed her lips. Years of leadership didn’t prepare her talks like these. She had to say something though. It was hard to explain, but Ruby could feel the importance of this moment. Good or bad news, bottling this up would make anyone go insane. Ruby reached down her shirt and lifted her necklace. It was a silver cross with red roses wrapped around it. She took it off and dangled it on her fingers, scooting closer to Adam.

“My dad and uncle gave this to me on my birthday. They said…sometimes you need a piece of faith when you don’t have any yourself. I’m not really religious but apparently my mom used to pray after she knew there was nothing left she could do herself. Hehe, it’s a Rose mentality.” Ruby put it in Adam’s hand and curled it. “Don’t tell anyone this, but it’s pretty cool that you are your own kind of rose. Makes me feel like we’re connected in a way. Keep that. I know it’ll fit you.”

Adam remained quiet. He stared down at the trinket in his hand until his vision blurred. His body trembled. Slowly he clenched the cross. “I have no right to pray for anything. If destiny or whatever you want to call it exists then it’s only fair I get punished.”

Ruby frowned, “Hey that’s-” she cut herself short, not expecting Adam to put his other hand over the cross; his forehead pressing against them as he closed his eyes.

“Punish me.” He uttered weakly. “Me, not them. Leave everyone else out of it.” The first and only prayer he’ll ever make. His life could be at destiny’s whim forever as long as the ones who fought for him didn’t get burned.

Ruby stood from her seat and knelt down, grabbing his hands and joining the prayer. All while Ghira watched silently from the entrance.

For several hours, It was out of everyone’s hands. A roll of the dice, luck of the draw, fate, gods, destiny, whatever anyone wanted to call it; that was the only thing left and no one dared to keep track of the time out of anxiety. It was a scary, humbling feeling for certain. It was also the purest reminder that life wasn’t fair. Bad things happen to good people, hard work is left with nothing, and sometimes… a sinner’s prayers get heard.

The doors flung open with Blake breathless. “Adam…” she panted, eyes bigger than the smile on her face. “She’s-” the tears shed caught her off guard. The two roses stared blankly before Adam stood. Blake moved out of the doorway and he took it as a sign. ‘Run.’ Adam ran and no one dared to stop him.

“Back room.” Blake said, walking to her father. Ruby got up as well and joined the two. Blake looked at the red faced girl. The feline giggled softly while wiping Ruby’s tears. “And here I thought I knew how big your heart was?”

Ruby laughed as she tried to stop sniffling. “It’s not what it looks like. Seeing him sit there with his demons like that, it reminded me of how my dad and uncle qrow used to look when mom was brought up. Sorry, got a little compromised.”

“Welcome to the club. Dad, sorry I-”

Ghira wrapped his arm around Blake. “Don’t apologize. I tell you to take things slow and yet I tried rushing to the end of this. I’m sorry. I can’t say what lies in store for Adam next, but I suppose…I’ll have to keep more of an open mind. He’s earned that much.”

Ruby shook her head and sighed. “If I’m being honest, personally I think everyone has been a bit silly. Including my lovable sis. You all make it sound like he’s been trouble free for six months when that isn’t the case. I can’t say if he’s been perfect or not but the fact that Remnant thinks he died at Argus has to mean something, right? I certainly can’t link him to any world threatening incidents since then. He’s been minding his business for a couple years now. Is locking him up really gonna change anything? I mean it wouldn’t matter if Cinder was in or out of jail for me. I’d still be wary and pissed. Your men’s feelings about him wouldn’t change because of a cell. But hey, that’s just me.”

Ruby put her hands behind her hand and walked off. “I’m gonna step out for a moment and make a call.” She looked out a window. To her surprise, the rain had stopped. Ruby dialed Yang’s number. “Hey sis! Beautiful day to start a family. So, what’s my precious little niece’s name?”

xxxx

Adam reached the back room and pushed the door open to find Jacquelyn in bed, startled by his entrance before giving him a grin. Her skin had a sickly yellow dinge to it and she was covered in sweat. Still she smiled, holding a small infant as doctors looked at vitals and did their work.

“Awe, have you been crying? I’m sorry. Guess we gave you a fright.”

One of the nurses looked at the maiden like she was crazy. “Ma’am you slipped into a coma. Please don’t try and move around much.”

“I was a little tired, that's all. Heh…guess we finally found something I’m not good at? That’s un- oh…” Adam put his arms around her and the baby. Odd, to think he could hold something this gently? His presence soothed her into leaning into the embrace, humming quietly to both him and the new arrival. A premature baby with red hair, and tiny horns.

The doctor, naturally sworn to confidentiality, watched from the sidelines. “I’d like to congratulate you with confidence, but these two aren’t out of the woods yet. While I expect Jacquelyn to bounce back with time, your daughter is pretty frail. We have her stable for the time being but the heart is a complex organ even when fully developed. We’re going to have to keep her for a while just to make sure she’ll grow up healthy. Rest assured, I will do everything in my power for her.”

“Thank you.” Adam looked at his daughter’s round face. She opened her eyes to reveal two pools or bright blue. “Hmmm.”

“Something wrong?” Jacquelyn asked.

“She’ll have a hard time, with these features going for her. I was hoping she’d look more like you.”

“Oh hush. She’s beautiful like this. Though maybe I am a little jealous she doesn’t have my hair. Still, real big fan of those eyes.” She kissed his cheek. “We’ll do our best and then some.”

The doctor pulled out some paperwork. “Now then, I’m going to need a name. Her record won’t be too expensive in terms of…background history, but she’ll need the basics as best as possible. Especially in her condition.”

“Wanna name her after your mother, or even your sister?”

Adam shook his head, “I think we already have enough namesakes. Let her be free from that. You decide. I was never really good at these kinds of things.”

“Oooo okay. Don’t come crying later if you think of a good one. A free spirited name for our little kid.” Jacquelyn giggled to herself. “Got it. How about we name her…”

“Hehe, That’s a perfect name.” The two roses spoke.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 114

I’m hoping this chapter find everyone safe and sound. Normally, I wouldn’t start off with something like that, but I am queueing this on 11/5/2020, and a lot has happened in our world.  Not just my country, but earthquakes, shootings.. it’s a lot.

Please be safe.  My only, most sincere hope, is that reading this can bring you some relief from everything going on. And if you are reading this far after the fact - I’m glad you’re here to read it.  I appreciate each and every follower and reader, and I just want you all to be okay.

As always, shoutouts go to @baelpenrose for beta reading this chapter, @raven-fae for being the reason I dared to post my scribbles in public, and @charlylimph-blog for being a bright light in a dark world. Charly, I don’t think you will ever know how much everyone loves you. I mean that. And finally, @zommbiebro for the ever-fun to write character of Jokul. You pushed and pushed to have this character exist, and I’m incredibly glad you did, because he is so much fun to play with.

“Antoine told me that Conor is going back to therapy,” Tyche mentioned nonchalantly as we were heading toward the exercise area.

I arched an eyebrow at her. “What do you mean back to therapy? I didn’t know he ever stopped.”

She flapped a hand at me. “You know what I mean. Not a touchbase appointment, a ‘this isn’t working’ appointment.”

“Ah,” was my sage reply. “Yeah, there was a tense moment.  To be fair, though, it’s the first time anything like that has happened since he started seeing someone, and I think it needed to happen.”

“In what world…” she started, hands on her hips as she stopped walking.

Turning, I held up my hand to cut her off. “The last time someone was upset about what has been triggering Conor, I ended up with a busted lip.” I stared at her meaningfully.

She stared blankly for a moment, and I could almost hear her brain whirring. Then her eyes got wide and her mouth narrowed into a small ‘o’. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Ohhhhhh…. Well that makes sense I guess. So, does that mean you and Maverick…?”

“Yep, group therapy!” I threw my hands up half-heartedly. “And there was much rejoicing. Yay.”

Her gaze snapped over my shoulder and her neck twisted as something caught her attention. “What the…” She blinked furiously before rubbing her eyes and squinting. “I’m hallucinating. I have to be.”  Without waiting for me to ask what she meant, she grabbed my shoulders and turned me around.

Now it was my turn to blink. Walking towards, very focused on what looked to be a heated discussion, were none other than Arthur Farro and Jokull Bjornson. But… they weren’t arguing.  Both looked to be wearing gym clothes, and I could tell they were sweaty even from so far away.  As they got closer, they both also appeared to be bruised, and Jokul was even bleeding from the corner of his mouth.  Regardless of all that, the animated way they were talking to each other looked more like a conversation between equals than it did the type of discussion that would lead to….

Well, that would lead to the fight they looked like they already had.

Soon enough, they noticed me and Tyche - it couldn’t have been hard. We were standing in the middle of the corridor, staring in shock and tilting our heads like it would force the scene to make more sense. “Reids!” Arthur greeted as he waved. “I need you two to settle an argument. Fortifications, yay or nay?”

“I thought the sentient bacterium and twelve-foot talking mushrooms were the weirdest thing I would ever see….” Tyche muttered.

I was far more eloquent. “I…. Arthur… this… what?” I sputtered, gesturing frantically between the two men.

Some part of that seemed to make sense, because he glanced at the taller man beside him and just shrugged. “Jokull wanted to practice hand to hand combat, and I’m the only one willing to hit him after the… Exhibition match? Everyone on the ship was nervous for some reason. Well, except Charly, of course.”

Jokull shook his head.  “I feel my chances of survival with Farro are far higher than another fight with Miss Harper.”

Arthur eyed him weirdly, clearing his throat. “That’s because there is zero chance of me missing and ripping your throat out by accident, because I don’t bite.”

“Indeed.”

“There is zero chance of Charly missing,” I interjected. “And that was once, and you had it coming.”

Arthur continued, ignoring me. “Anyway, it’s not like anyone else on the Ark wanted to spar with me after that little show, either. So, win-win. Besides, he’s not a bad guy when he’s not doing things to make me actively want to kill him.”

Jokull laughed, but I was pretty sure he didn’t realize that Arthur was only half joking.  Maybe half. 

“Again, I’m sure Charly would spar with you, Arthur,” I pointed out.  Tyche choked on laughter.

Arthur just looked at me like I spontaneously grew a third head and it happened to be drooling. “What part of she bites did you miss?”

“That. Was. One! Time!

“Besides, I’ve seen how you small women learned to fight in the After.  I don’t know how hard I’d have to hit her to get her to stop biting, and I’d rather not hit a student hard enough to find out.”

Jokull mumbled, “Surprisingly hard, and in a nerve cluster, apparently.”

Both of us looked at him, eyes narrowed. Arthur’s next words came out very slowly. “If you’ve decked Charly, Jokull, you are on a fast track back to ‘let’s try axe versus saber’.”

Jokull turned to me frantically, “Councillor, I wasn’t aware…”

I interrupted him, again. “Arthur, it was that time she chomped his collarbone. Old news.”

Arthur was still scowling. “As long as that was the only time…” He shook his head, clearing the glare from his expression. “Anyway, it’s been kind of fun, actually. We’ve been comparing notes about our experiences in the After.  What it was like for our groups, people we skirmished with, things we did to keep our territories safe and our people provided for…”

Jokull nodded, very seriously. “We have discussed several ideas regarding sustainable settlements and potential fortifications once we reach Von, along with distribution of resources and sheltering against winter months.”

“I’m pro-fortification, by the way,” I responded, now that I was caught up on the context of that question.

Arthur scowled at me and shook his head. “Et tu, Sophia? The need for any fortifications is still up in the air, but the rest are really solid.”

“I told you, Farro, fortifications against people are also fortifications against wildlife.”

“And I told You the odds of predators on Von are very low. Grey said so theirself.”

“Moose. I’m talking about moose.  We don’t need predators if there are herbivores that large!”

“Grey insists there aren’t any indigenous species larger than Lyric on Von.”

“Have you met a badger? Really…”

As they started arguing, I slowly turned to Tyche, meeting her matching wide-eyed expression. “Did we  somehow walk into a parallel universe?”

“I don’t think so?” She turned toward the fierce debate. “For what it’s worth, I’m anti-fortification.”

“SEE!? One of the Weird Sisters has sense!” Arthur crowed triumphantly.

“Councillor Reid is on my side!”

As the debate grew more heated, I whispered to Tyche. “You love fortifications,” I pointed out.

“But that wouldn’t have added fuel to the fire,” she replied, magnanimous as ever.

I rolled my eyes, before trying to shout over the men. “We’re headed to the gym! Stop at a medbay pleasethankyou!”

Arthur waved at the same time that Jokul gave me a thumbs-up, but neither stopped their debate for even a breath.

Shaking my head, I tugged Tyche away. “Boxing today?” She hated boxing.

“Hmmm.”

“Ark to Tyche,” I gently shook her arm to get her attention. “Unarmed workout today. Boxing?”

“Huh?” She snapped her head at me and everything caught up. “What? No. Have you lost your mind?”

“It’s my turn to choose.”

“Just. Not that.”

“Ugh, fine,” I groaned dramatically. “Something with cardio, though. We both could use it with the gravity increases.”

“And what about armed workout.” For all that we were in a relatively peaceful situation, we were far from the only people on the Ark who practiced with weapons on a regular basis.

“Knives, duh.”

“Fighting or throwing?” She glanced at my expression and rolled her eyes. “Throwing. Of course. Why did I bother asking….”

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[hellowkatey]

Febuwhump Day 6

Prompt: Insomnia

Summary: The Disaster Lineage™ has a long history of being horrible at getting the sleep they need.

Read on AO3

Good Sleep is Hard to Find

"It's called insomnia, Obi-Wan," the Twilek healer looks unamused as she sits across from him. "And no, it's not normal."

Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn't particularly like going to the healers. In fact, he avoids them as much as he can. Unfortunately, in this case, Master Che cornered him as he left the training sala and practically dragged him by the ear to her office.

"It really is not too bad. I've grown accustomed to-"

"To what? Four hours of sleep? On a good night?" Master Che rolls her eyes. "You Jedi Knights are going to give me an aneurysm one day."

"I do hope not, Master. Then all of us would be walking around with untreated concussions and scantily wrapped blaster wounds."

She leans back in her chair, her bright blue eyes softening. "Yes, likely. Listen, I brought you here because your little late-night training sessions have found their way down the rumor mill. People are concerned for you."

Obi-Wan glances out the window at the darkened megapolis. He didn't think anyone knew he would go to the training rooms when he couldn't sleep. Though, nothing can really happen in this temple without every other knight and padawan hearing about it.

"I figured it was a good way to tire myself out."

"Well lucky for you, you won't have to do katas at three in the morning anymore," she reaches into her desk and slides two pill bottles across the table. Obi-Wan gingerly picks them up, looking up at her inquisitively. "One is a natural supplement. Think of it as your first line of defense. If you're not feeling tired at bedtime, take this first. It's the natural hormone your body produces to make you fall asleep. Very safe."

"Right. And this one?" he shakes the other. A flicker of a smirk appears on her lips.

"That's the good stuff. It should knock you right out, but only take one pill a night, max."

Seems easy enough. Obi-Wan looks between the two bottles, internally a little glad Master Che corralled him into here. He is not keen on drugs usually, but his current situation has become quite distressing... Maybe he'll finally get a decent sleep.

"And if neither work?" he asks, a little fearful of her answer.

"I'll be impressed if the second doesn't work, but I suppose I can teach your padawan how to do a proper sleep suggestion."

He points an accusatory finger at her. "You wouldn't dare!" The healer smiles fully now, shaking her head. As she looks at him longer, her smile fades again into sympathy.

"Obi-Wan, I do hope you plan on using these medicines. Insomnia is very common, and you are certainly not the only Jedi Knight on this regimen."

He sighs, clutching the bottles in his fist. "I just don't understand why I can't sleep, I suppose. Anakin tires me out his fair share, and I feel exhausted, I just can't seem to actually sleep."

"Well," she shifts in her seat. "It tends to get worse in times of stress-- like having a teenage padawan... or when processing trauma."

Red. So much red, and the sight of a lightsaber through Qui-Gon's abdomen flashes through his mind. He blinks away the image, though he knows it will be there in his dreams anyway. It always is. But he isn't here to discuss that, even if Master Che seems insistent on doing a full exam on him while she has him trapped in the halls.

"Right, well," he stands. "I should let you get your own sleep and try to get some of my own."

She looks a little disappointed as he pines for the door but she stands and they bow goodbye. "I don't want to hear about any more nighttime training sessions, Knight Kenobi. I have eyes and ears everywhere, you know."

He smiles. "Yes, Master Che, I understand."

Yet somewhere between the Halls of Healing and Obi-Wan's apartment, he seems to forget their understanding. He sits on his bed, staring at the bottles in either hand. The morning will be upon Coruscant in a short few hours, and he can't risk being knocked out and missing morning meditation and training with Anakin. He sets the bottle of sleeping pills on his side table and looks at the supplements. She claimed these were natural, only a mild aid... perhaps he can at least try these for his few hours of sleep.

They go down easy with water, and he lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His muscles are still buzzing from hours of repeating kata after kata, honing his acrobatics, and dueling with the training droids. It baffles him how his body can feel so exhausted but he doesn't find a wink of sleep. The reality of his sleeplessness is a number barely present in the back of his mind. He tries not to think about it as the hours tick up. Twenty-four hours. Thirty-six hours. Forty. Fifty. Sixty.

The worst part is he is trying to sleep. Truly. He wants nothing more than for his head to hit the pillow and to blink out of consciousness for a good six hours or so. But to no avail. He envies the other knights who have taught themselves to sleep whenever they can, wherever they can. In the deep wells of the Temple windows, pilot chairs of ships, standing up in some cases. Sometimes he is tempted to ask them their secret, but he suspects that just like he is wired to be awake forevermore, they are made to find their rest.

Everything is the will of the Force, isn't it? Qui-Gon always told him there was a reason for everything. A plan that he may not be able to see now, but later he will. His greatest comfort has always been that there will one day be a purpose for the agony he goes through. One day it will all make sense.

He closes his eyes. Maybe that will help. He doesn't feel drowsy but he isn't sure if he is supposed to with this supplement.

Obi-Wan can feel the edges of sleep nearby. He tries to grab them, hang onto the feeling of spiraling into blissful unconsciousness, but it's like a switch he can't reach. He rolls to his side, squeezing his eyes shut again. Tries to push out every thought from his mind, but somehow thinking about how he needs to think about nothing is more occupying to his mind than actually thinking about anything else.

So he lies there. Switches to his other side. Back to his back. Experiments with lying on his stomach, and decides it cranes his neck too much. And when he finds himself on his back for the third time he realizes the light has slowly crept into his room and Anakin's alarm is blaring on the other side of their apartment.

He sighs. Sits up and rubs his eyes. Fifty-five hours.

Obi-Wan struggles his way through their meditation. His heavy intake of caff made him jittery and his lack of sleep made getting a good grasp on the Force difficult. Even Anakin seemed to notice his lack of propriety, which only made Obi-Wan feel worse. After lunchtime, Obi-Wan goes to one of his knight elective courses. It's saber training concentrating on Form III, which he usually enjoys, but today he lingers near the back of the group. His vision is starting to get hazy, and things look as though they are moving when he knows they aren't. After getting hit by three training bolts that he should have been able to deflect, he decides to bench himself for the remainder of the class.

He has a feeling this will get back to Master Che, but he doesn't care anymore.

Anakin is back from his own classes when he gets back to his apartment. The padawan is lounging on the couch with a datapad balanced on his knees. When he sees Obi-Wan come through the door, he jumps up.

"Master you're back!" he says with more enthusiasm than Obi-Wan is used to from his teenage apprentice.

"Anakin, hello," he says, raising an eyebrow and glancing around the apartment. "What did you break?"

Anakin crosses his arms. "Why do you think I broke something?"

Obi-Wan sets down his training bag by the door. "Just a feeling, I suppose."

"Well a wrong feeling, Master," he says, walking with long strides into the kitchen. Yes, he is definitely up to something.

Anakin pulls out two plates, each with sandwiches stacked tall with meat. Obi-Wan also suddenly realizes the kettle is on the stove and two mugs are sitting out, prepped with tea bags.

"I asked one of the Masters what kinds of food help people go to sleep. They said turkey and chamomile tea are good," Anakin looks up at him hesitantly. "I thought maybe some turkey sandwiches and tea for dinner may help you... you know. Sleep better."

Obi-Wan feels like he might cry. He blames it on the sleep deprivation but seeing the effort Anakin put into a problem he had no idea his padawan even picked up on touches him. The boy can be a terror sometimes, but Qui-Gon was right about his kindness. Obi-Wan smiles, walking up to the fourteen-year-old and squeezing his shoulder.

"This looks wonderful, Anakin. I have been having some sleep troubles, and I'm sorry if I worried you."

"When I can't sleep I like to try to tire myself out. Have you tried that, Master?"

He smiles softly. More than you know, young one. "Unfortunately, Master Che was not too happy with that method. She gave me some medication to help, instead."

Anakin takes a big bite of his sandwich, making a face. "That's not as fun."

Obi-Wan takes his own bite of the sandwich that is quite literally stacked with turkey. It might be half a bird here alone. "That's what I told her, too."

Anakin laughs, jumping up to grab the screeching kettle and finish preparing the tea. Sixty-four hours now, but this time he has a good feeling about resetting the clock for tomorrow. The master and apprentice enjoy the rest of their meal, and then Obi-Wan retires to his room. With his belly full of comfort food and tea, he actually feels the long-lost tug of drowsiness enticing him to bed. Even with such a feeling, he picks up the medication that Master Che prescribed him.

Without adequate sleep, he can't be the Master Anakin needs him to be. The boy deserves all that and more. Obi-Wan swallows the sleeping pill without another thought and lies back in bed. It takes only a few minutes for him to drift into a blissful, dreamless sleep.

__________

A scream is caught in his throat as Anakin is forcibly thrown out of his nightmare. He chokes on it, coughing a few times to clear his throat and then wiping the cold sweat off his brow and upper lip. It's pitch black in the room, but he waits a moment to turn on the light. Sometimes, when he just lets his eyes adjust naturally he can pretend for a few moments that he's anywhere other than the cold quarters of a star destroyer. He can be back on Coruscant, in Padmé's comfortable bed with the weight of her comforters pressing him into the mattress. Or in their lake country villa on Naboo, her body wrapped around him with the sound of running water nearby. Sometimes he is back with his mother, her fingers rifling through his hair soothingly as she lulls him back to sleep.

Anywhere where he isn't alone on a bunk harder than durasteel. Sometimes he thinks he'd rather sleep on the dunes of Tatooine than his bunk. (Obi-Wan usually tells him to stop being dramatic when he goes that far.)

But these little divergences are enough to lull him out of the panic of his dreams and into a better state of mind. By the time his eyes do adjust to the blank walls and regulation furniture he can decide whether or not he will be returning to sleep for the night.

They've been getting worse lately. The dreams. They happen nearly every night now. Not always the same thing, like before his mother's death, but always intense and horrific. Always making him wake up close to tears or worry that he's been screaming and Ahsoka or Obi-Wan will come bursting in at any moment. Sometimes he is calm enough to put going back to sleep to chance. Other times he prefers to just accept a day without sleep.

Obi-Wan would kill him if he knew. Ahsoka gives him enough trouble when he yawns his way through briefing meetings, so he's surprised she hasn't tattled on him yet. Or maybe she has, and the old man has decided it would be hypocritical to nag him about it. Obi-Wan isn't exactly known for his healthy sleep schedules either.

He doesn't have good feelings about sleep tonight. His heart is still racing and he can still see a horrific scene of Ahsoka sobbing with a lifeless Obi-Wan in her arms, blood is trickling out of his nose and ears, and eyes glossy and set. It's a moment he's seen a few times. Sometimes Obi-Wan is already dead and other times he's falling and Anakin is running frantically to save him.

He never makes it.

Tonight was no different.

Anakin turns on the light and slips on a pair of trousers. His hair is a mess, per usual, but running his fingers through it a few times seems to do the trick. He still has to squint as he steps out into the hallway. The fluorescent lights of the ship are about as harsh as staring straight into a star, but it wakes him up as good as a cup of caff. It's the middle of the nightshift, but the halls are still just as busy as usual. Since there is no distinct day or night in the middle of deep space, they are just suggestions to ensure people actually sleep.

It's not as comforting as taking walks around the sleeping Temple when he can't sleep. There is a blissfulness to being awake when the rest of the planet isn't that Anakin finds refreshing from the usual bustle of the day. The best he can find is the mess, where only a few troopers sit around at the tables with cups of caff or snacks.

Anakin helps himself to his own cup, pouring a decent amount of sugar in for good measure. He settles down at a table with his datapad. Maybe this time he'll actually get his council report in on time, at least. He spends the next hour or so filling out his paperwork and working up a decent collection of caff cups and snack wrappers. By the time he reaches his last assigned task, the dinner rush has begun for the night-shifters.

"General Skywalker?" he looks up to see Rex standing with his own cup of caff in hand. Anakin gives him a friendly smile.

"Oh hey, Rex, what are you doing up?"

"Could ask you the same, sir," he sits down on the bench, eyeing the four other empty cups strewn about.

"Paperwork. Couldn't sleep."

The corner of Rex's mouth upturns in a half-smile. "More and more like General Kenobi, every day."

"Don't even joke like that, Rex, I would never hear the end of it," he says, though a small part of his mind curses that the captain is actually right. Using paperwork as an excuse to avoid sleep? He might as well grow a beard and have a Core accent.

"Only joking, of course, sir."

"So what's your excuse?"

"My excuse?"

"Our first call isn't for another few hours, and I've never seen you up and about at this time."

Rex takes a long sip from his drink. Stalling, it seems.

"To be frank, sir, ever since Umbara I tend to... wake up earlier."

Anakin searches the clone captain's face, and suddenly he recognizes it. The dark circles and bloodshot eyes are faint, but definitely there.

"The dreams keep you up?" he asks casually. Anakin has always liked Rex because he isn't afraid to be more candid around him. He has the respect of a leader, but he isn't so uptight about his rank. Through their time working closely together, they have actually begun to be somewhat of friends. At least, Anakin considers Rex to be a friend.

The clone looks up at him with surprise. "Well, sometimes, yes. How did you--"

"Like I said, I'm not Obi-Wan. Paperwork doesn't keep me up at night."

It feels good to actually admit it aloud to someone. To be able to say he's having bad dreams without getting a lecture from his master or getting watched like a hawk by his padawan. Especially if Rex is having the same issue.

They let this revelation blanket around them as they continue to sip on their caff. Even with six cups in his system, Anakin's body feels heavy and fatigued. It takes much longer to complete the last form with the amount of time he has to read and reread things to make sure he is understanding it right. His vision keeps blurring as though he is on the verge of falling asleep.

That's something Anakin has never had a problem with-- falling asleep. It takes him mere minutes to close his eyes and fall into a deep sleep. It's just the damned dreams that wake him up and ruin his rest.

"Uh, sir?" he hears through a clearing throat. Anakin opens his eyes and realizes he has dozed off with his forehead on the datapad. He smiles away the embarrassment, shaking his head.

"This caff sucks."

"You know they have decaf out after lunch right?"

He blinks. "Decaff?" Anakin says it as though it's a word in a foreign language.

"Yes, you have to request for a pot of regular. New health initiative started in the last month or so to improve... sleep."

The Jedi general crosses his arms over his chest. "And nobody told me?"

"I suppose they thought the label on the pot sufficed."

He glances over at the caff machine and, in fact, there is a label reading DECAF. Fair enough. He looks back at Rex, who is passively amused by all of this.

"Kix has too much power. It's going to go to his head."

Rex smiles, shaking his head but not disagreeing. Now disgusted by his caff, the knight casts aside the half-empty cup. The lack of caffeine definitely explains why he is still so tired.

"I should be going to prep for the morning briefing, then," Rex says, standing up and grabbing his bucket from the bench. He downs the remainder of his coffee and tucks his helmet under his arms. "Thanks for the company, though, general."

"Anytime. I suppose I will see you at the update."

"Oh right," Rex says, pausing and looking back down at him. "I have messages for you. General Kenobi commed to let you know they have postponed the update meeting to tomorrow. And we will be in hyperspace another full day before arriving at our check-in point."

He does the mental gymnastics of cycling through his schedule and realizes his entire day is clear of meetings. A day off? That is about as rare as Ahsoka not being snippy. He even has his paperwork done now so...

"Well in that case, maybe I will take the decaf as a sign and... take a nap." He can feel his mind more clear now. Usually, that means he can manage a few good hours without another nightmare if he has any at all. Though he was adamant about not wanting to go back to bed a few hours ago, suddenly laying down sounds amazing.

Rex smiles. "Very good, sir. I will be sure to comm you if we need anything, of course."

The clone captain walks off, and Anakin looks around at his little collection of trash, tired and a little dumbfounded.

He has a sudden suspicious feeling Ahsoka hasn't been tattling to Obi-Wan, but to Rex. Anakin smiles to himself, shakes his head, and gathers up his things to go back for some extra shut-eye.

__________

When Ahsoka can't sleep, she pulls her old Jedi cloak out of her closet. It's not something she wears anymore-- not for a long time at this point-- but it is something she has kept close to her ever since going on the run from the Empire.

There is just something about that thick, wooly fabric that is like a security blanket when she encases herself in it. It still smells like a mix of the standard-issue laundry detergent and engine oil. She can run her fingers along the hem, recognizing the familiar fray on the right sleeve that she used to pick at when she was nervous, or the hole that Master Kenobi had to patch three separate times in the pocket. There is a burnt edge on the hood where Anakin managed to nick it with his saber, and sometimes the tip of her montral would peek out.

Today she can't sleep, and she isn't sure why. Sometimes, she has these periods of time where falling asleep and staying asleep are more difficult than they should be. She suspects it has something to do with stress, which she has plenty of, all the time. The cloak always seems to help, so she grabs it. It always reminds her of Master Obi-Wan and his habit of losing his own cloaks. When she pulls it around herself it feels like a hug from Anakin. And when she closes her eyes she pretends she is in another time and another place. A time when her mentors watched over her and protected her and she wasn't so alone.

A part of her thinks that somewhere in the Force they are still looking over her. It is a Jedi teaching that she still holds a belief in that in death all are returned to the Force... Which means the same energy field that surrounds her and binds her is Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Plo Koon. Every other Jedi that didn't make it through Order 66. Though the thought of their deaths brings a deep sadness she still cannot quite process, it also reminds her that when she wraps the Force around herself she isn't as alone as she feels. Sleep comes easier.

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

All Emiya-san AU's are good AU's (its where my Actor Fionn lives too lol) and man there's a lot of untapped comedy gold of Shirou hearing all these stories about Diarmuid scaring away rude customers and thinking he looks super scarred up or w/e and then he meets him and it's like "??? he looks so nice?? are u sure this is the guy who nearly stabbed someones eye out???"

EHEHEHE I wrote a thing beneath the read more I looooove the Emiya Gohan AUS so much...

Everything about this situation was concerning for Shirou. It was bad enough that Archer was using Shirou’s name (the number of times he’d gotten, “Is that guy a relative of yours, Emiya-kun?” from ignorant but well-meaning classmates was starting to grate on his nerves) at his dumb part-time job (why Servants even needed part-time jobs was a mystery) and the fact that Lancer kept popping up to invite Taiga out for dinner and drinking but now, apparently, a third Servant had arrived.

The cafe’s regulars, of course, had no idea he was a Servant. Sakura and Rider had confirmed it after visiting the cafe on one of their dates, but didn’t seem to be worried. Of course, they weren’t worried. Sakura and Rider had enough power and magical energy between them to flatten the city, let alone deal with Servants. Rin also brushed off what Shirou believed was a wholly justified concern - “He’s probably just some lingering ghost from a past Grail War. Archer seems to like him fine, and he hangs out around Lancer, so what’s the big deal? If he becomes a problem, we’ll just deal with it like we always do.”

But in Shirou’s view, the Servant was already a problem. It was bad enough that the restored Servants of the Fifth Grail War could still draw upon the wild, free-flowing magic of Fuyuki’s leylines and pop up whenever they pleased - the fact that Servants from previous wars might show up too was giving him anxiety.

And this was before the rumors started.

Nobody seemed to know the guy’s name, or remember it if they saw it written down. He would pop up - always in the vicinity of the cafe - and often left behind gifts. One time, it was a bottle of wine for the manager. Another time, an antique coin for one of the waiters. He always seemed to disappear right when anyone asked for information about him, and reappear whenever something interesting happened. One time, near closing, a couple of drunk university students came in and tried to convince their waitress to leave in their car. When she refused, one of them joked about following her home.

At once, the mystery Servant walked in the door.

Another time, a middle-aged man from out of town shouted at one of the baristas until they had to run into the back to cry for the rest of their shift. On the local news the next morning, the man appeared to have been dropped at the hospital with a broken jaw and a soul full of remorse.

(Lancer actually laughed when he informed Shirou of this story.

“You were there and didn’t say anything?”

“Hey, I was the guy who had to deal with the asshole after he made our barista run off. It wasn’t a big deal, I just happened to call in a favor from a friend. Plus, he deserved it.”

And Lancer winked, like they were sharing an inside joke.)

And so on and so forth. Nobody could purge the service industry of customer horror stories, but this mystery Servant seemed to be doing his damnedest to make a dent in the problem. He was the most ghost-like of any Servant that Shriou had ever encountered.

Ayako and Kaede quickly became regulars at the cafe. Shirou thought it was hard to tell whether or not they were in love with the mystery Servant or whether or not they wanted to challenge him to a duel. It seemed to be a combination of both.

“He’s like, the toughest guy I’ve ever seen,” said Ayako, mystified. “I swear I thought he was going to tear that woman’s throat out.”

“This guy threatened a customer,” Shirou said, “and you’re happy?”

“Well, she was being rude to Yukika,” Kaede retorted, like that settled the matter. “I mean, I wasn’t counting, but I think she sent her coffee back six times before anyone said anything. She kept berating her like it was Yukika’s fault that she kept changing her mind about sugar and milk. She literally lied about what her original order was to get a free drink. It was awful.”

“But then this guy shows up,” Ayako continued the story, talking over Kaede as she continued muttering about the injustice faced by the track team’s manager. “And he clocks what’s happening, like, instantly. I dunno where the blue-haired guy was, I guess he was late for his shift or something, but he just - “

She motioned like she was trying to take up more space than her physical body allowed.

“I swear, it was like you could’ve heard a pin drop! He takes one look at Yukika and just goes up to the lady and -”

Another vague gesture like a karate chop.

“He hit this woman?” Shirou said, outraged.

“Nah, he wouldn’t hit anyone,” Kaede said, nodding sagely. “He doesn’t really need to, you know? You could just take one look at him and you know not to mess with this guy when he’s mad.”

That settled it. Shirou had to investigate on his own, since obviously no one else was going to take this seriously. It was bad that customers were mistreating the staff at Yukika’s job, but a Servant threatening humans was unacceptable.

It was time, at last, to enlist Saber’s help.

She had been living at Shirou’s house since her restoration, recovering from her injuries. Shirou hated the idea of asking her to fight again, especially when she was so clearly enjoying her life as a “normal human,” but he couldn’t afford to hold back if there was a dangerous, unknown Servant in the city. To her credit, Saber was happy to assist. She said she had been meaning to drop by and try Archer’s cooking for quite some time.

The two of them met on Sunday for lunch. Saber ordered two coffees and went into the kitchen to see Archer. Yukika wasn’t on shift today, so Shirou didn’t recognize any of the other staff. But he did notice that they all kept watching the door, as if waiting for something.

After the coffees arrived (Saber’s was left to cool on the table), the bell above the door chimed. Shirou felt the shift in the area’s magical energy before he looked up and saw the Servant himself. It was remarkably subtle, considering that it was like an icy draft passing through the cafe. You wouldn’t notice unless you were looking for it.

The waitstaff was suddenly all smiles.

Shirou looked up - and felt his jaw drop to the floor.

He did not look remotely threatening. The mystery Servant was, in fact, the most physically beautiful person that Shirou had ever seen in his life. Tall and muscular - his build was not dissimilar to Lancer, though he lacked Lancer’s wolfish aura - with a head of dark, thick curls. His face was elegant, from piercing, bright eyes all the way down to his perfect lips, only marred by a tiny beauty mark beneath his right eye.

Shirou had to look away, blushing despite himself. What the hell is wrong with me? He realized belatedly that he had come to this battle totally unprepared for a charm attack.

Is this guy cursed or something?

That was the only explanation. Why else did he feel like he would collapse if he looked this Servant directly in the face for too long? It wasn’t normal.

And on second glance, it appeared that Shirou wasn’t the only person taken aback. A couple on a date had paused their conversation to stare at the Servant, murmuring their appreciation in hushed tones; a middle-aged woman was holding a fork in her hand, oblivious to the fact that her cake had just splattered over her shoes. Two little kids were waving at him, apparently recognizing him from somewhere, and their parents had to hurriedly shush them because it’s rude to try and pull someone out of a conversation like that.

One of the waiters was talking to him. Shirou strained to listen, shaking himself.

“Want the usual?”

“If it’s not too much trouble,” said the Servant, in a smooth, polite voice that made Shirou hate him irrationally. Stupid, handsome guy. “Is Cu in today?”

“I think he said he’s on vacation,” the waiter replied. “But Emiya’s here if you want to talk to him.”

Shirou looked up, baffled by the fact that the unfamiliar waiter knew his name, momentarily forgetting that Archer had stolen his name as a cover-up.

The Servant noticed. Barely a glance, a flicker of the gaze in his direction.

Shirou turned back and drank deeply from his coffee, which scalded his tongue.

“Oh, I see,” said the Servant, sounding amused now. “Thank you.”

“Sure thing! I’ll let him know you’re here.”

Once the initial shock of the Servant’s appearance dissipated, everything went back to normal so fast that it was almost jarring. The middle-aged woman clicked her tongue and grabbed napkins to clean up her shoes; the couple resumed planning the rest of their day; the kids kept eating, having gotten bored with trying to get the Servant’s attention. The faint, drafty aura of magic passed and the temperature in the cafe seemed to rise back to comfortable levels. Definitely cursed, Shirou decided, frowning into his coffee cup.

“Excuse me?”

Shirou blanched. The Servant had appeared behind him, smiling patiently.

“Are you waiting for someone?” he asked, indicating Saber’s coffee cup.

Shirou was suddenly, oddly conflicted. Without knowing what this Servant was capable of, was it fair to expose Saber like this?

“Uh, no,” he said, uselessly. “Well, not exactly.”

The Servant waited, patiently, for him to explain. Shirou grimaced.

“My friend is a friend of the guy who cooks here,” he said, hating himself for giving it away. “She wanted to come visit him, so I’m just waiting for her to get back before we leave.”

“Really?” said the Servant, smiling. “That’s nice. You’re a friend of Emiya?”

Shirou twitched. “No. I am Emiya.”

“Oh?”

“Not related to that guy, obviously,” he muttered. “But - anyway,” Shirou blurted, suddenly noticing a distinctive piece of fly-away blonde hair emerging from the kitchen, “it’s a long story, and we’d better get going, so see you later -”

He hastily threw some money down on the table for his coffee and rushed to Saber’s side.

“What’s the matter?” she asked him, brows furrowed with concern. “I thought that you were -”

“Saber!”

Shirou winced, and then - wait a minute. How on Earth did the enemy Servant know Saber’s name!?

To his horror, a huge smile spread over Saber’s face.

“Saber, don’t!” Shirou hissed. “You have to look away! This guy’s got some kind of charm spell on him that -”

Saber only laughed and lightly pushed him aside. Though she’d scarcely used a fraction of her true strength, Shirou stumbled.

“Oh, don’t be silly, Shirou. This is an old friend of mine.”

And she crossed the cafe in order to give the Servant a huge hug. Because Saber was approximately half of the mystery Servant’s size, he was able to lift her easily and spun her in a circle. Saber laughed at this.

“I must admit I’m surprised!” she said. “I didn’t think -”

Saber seemed to become self-conscious. But the enemy Servant merely beamed.

“Think nothing of it! I had no idea you were here in the city.”

“Really? Cu and Emiya didn’t tell you?”

“They mentioned a surprise,” said the Servant, shrugging. “I suppose this must be it.”

Saber shook her head. “Of course they did. Foolish boys.”

“I must apologize - I was introducing myself to your friend.”

“Oh, yes! This is my current Master, Shirou. Shirou,” said Saber, waving to him. “This is my old friend - he was a Lancer in the previous quest for the Grail.”

“Please,” said the former Lancer, “call me Diarmuid, if you’d like.”

He gave away his True Name so casually. Who the hell is he, though? Shirou frowned as he came closer.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t realize you were one of Saber’s friends.”

“And I did not realize you were a mage,” said Diarmuid, breezily. “But no matter! Are you really leaving?” he asked Saber. “Your Master has indicated that you might have plans -”

“Nonsense!” Saber assured him, cheerful as well. “We were just sitting down. Did you order? I’ve been meaning to try Archer’s cooking for awhile, you see, so I plan to stay here for the afternoon.”

Saber and Diarmuid walked back to their table and pulled up a third chair.

Shirou bit back a groan.

It was going to be a long day.

[glimmerglanger]

A Slow Fall - Alternate POV (Qui-Gon)

I promised a look into Qui-Gon’s head from “A Slow Fall Towards Grace” and I thought today would be a good day for it, since he’s passed from the story, now. ANYWAY. A good bit of Angst to be found here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time Qui-Gon saw the boy, he was engaged in a sparring match with some of the other younglings. He moved well for his age. He was fast, just as Master Windu had said, but more than that, there was a purposeful edge to each movement, an almost reflexive move towards his opponent’s weak points.

But his skill with a saber was hardly the most interesting thing about him. He all but glowed in the Force, shimmers of light following him around. Qui-Gon looked at him, half-stunned by it, leaning a little closer and freezing as his thoughts shifted.

He saw, almost overlaid over the scene, a child. A young girl, hazel-eyed and with brownish hair, impossible sunshine bringing out hints of copper in the curls. She turned to look at him and smiled and - and felt so familiar. She waved at him, before running across the space and fading from view, her laughter lingering another moment.

He looked back at the boy - Mace had called him Obi-Wan -  and he did not know what the vision had meant, but it left him feeling deeply uncomfortable.

Qui-Gon refused to train the boy. For many reasons. Including the vision.

#

Obi-Wan was a child, and Qui-Gon intended to stay as far away from him as possible. He did not know what to make of the vision he’d had through the Force, or so he told himself. But he saw the girl-child again, as they ended up on a ship together.

He heard hints of laughter, there and gone, when the boy looked up at him, brilliant blue eyes wide and pleading. He could feel how badly Obi-Wan wanted to be trained, how much he wanted to help others and--

And Qui-Gon was many things, but not, he hoped, a monster. 

He agreed to train the boy, but he refused to blindly follow the vision, as so often he had been tempted to do in his life. He’d always tried to fulfill the will of the Force. 

He stayed far, far away during the boy’s heat, wishing to take no risks. He was a child, and the thought of something going wrong made bile burn in Qui-Gon’s throat and stained his thoughts with horror. 

#

Qui-Gon had not expected to be so affected, the first time he came back to their quarters and smelled another alpha’s stink everywhere after a heat. But it left his skin prickling. He found he disliked it, immensely, but knew that to be a normal effect. He had not had to worry about it with Xanatos, thankfully a beta.

He released his irritation to the Force and aired out their quarters, and Obi-Wan said he was fine - unharmed - when he returned. Qui-Gon found that knowledge eased some of the ball of tension inside him. He exhaled, shaking his head, and dreamed that night of a hazel-eyed girl, older, dressed as a Jedi, with her hair pulled back and her gaze turned outwards, towards the dark edges of the galaxy, and--

And Obi-Wan smelled of tears and bitter grief after his next heat, but seemed not to wish to speak about what happened, content to drink tea with his eyes rimmed with red and his mouth set in a thin line.

#

Obi-Wan was no longer a child by the time they reached Thulviol VII, grown tall and into his shoulders. But he was still so young, still Qui-Gon’s apprentice. He smelled wonderful, scent always close, but Qui-Gon pushed the answering desires in his blood to the side.

He would get them both off-world. He would get Obi-Wan to a healer or a medic, let them take care of his head that way. He would.

He failed, in the end, despite all of his best efforts. It was a small relief that, at least, Obi-Wan did not turn his face away when Qui-Gon kissed him. He responded with all evidence of pleasure, Qui-Gon’s glowing apprentice, with his sweet eyes and soft mouth, his voice quaking each time he gasped out master, and each echo of his title reminded Qui-Gon of why he should not be touching, kissing, taking.

But there were no better options. The alternative was to allow Obi-Wan to be stolen, taken and hurt, mistreated. And Qui-Gon found that he could not do that, that, faced with the choice, he could not help but take the other option available.

He held Obi-Wan close, once they were connected, Obi-Wan trembling in his arms, emotions spilling everywhere. He knew it had been close to too much, despite all his efforts. He nuzzled kisses against Obi-Wan’s temple, stroking gentling touches over his skin, a small, selfish part of him wanting nothing more than to remain as they were.

He wanted, and kept on wanting after they got off planet, kept on wanting as Obi-Wan’s signature in the Force shifted with the onset of the nausea, and he realized, fully, the extent of what he’d done.

He thought of the hazel-eyed girl and ground his teeth together.

The Force, he thought, always had it’s way sooner or later, no matter what they did or thought.

#

Qui-Gon did not need Mace to lecture him about his inappropriate desires. He knew perfectly well they were there, had been purposefully setting them to the side since Thulviol VII. He had not taken Obi-Wan to bed, back in the Temple, had not drawn him close when they had time to do things properly, the way that Obi-Wan had deserved. 

He worked, tirelessly, to keep his wants inside his own head, doing all he could to ensure they did not burden his apprentice who… who he knew did not share them all. Obi-Wan’s emotions did not flare hotly in his direction.

Qui-Gon sensed no on-going attraction, which was, perhaps, a blessing.

He did not know what he would have done if Obi-Wan had wanted him, in such a fashion. He was left to swallow the guilt of what he’d already done, already taken, the pressure of feeling it to be the will of the Force weighing down on him even further.

He did not know why the Force would request such a thing, not when it left him aching inside with regret and sorrow.

#

He had known for years that Xanatos had followed a dark and terrible path. But he had always hoped that perhaps, it was not too late. That his old apprentice would find his way back to the light. That Qui-Gon would welcome him back to his senses and the Order, that…

Xanatos left Obi-Wan bleeding and alone, dying as his life blood spilled from him with the tangle of the Force that had surrounded their child. He was barely alive by the time Qui-Gon found him, murmuring nonsense about chasing after Xanatos, as though Qui-Gon would leave him.

Qui-Gon poured the Force down into him, more than he would have risked for anyone else, uncaring what it did to him, what cost he’d have to pay later. He could not bear the idea of Obi-Wan dying, could not accept it.

And so he held Obi-Wan, held him tightly as Obi-Wan’s presence in the Force wavered, and refused to let go.

#

And, after, he went and found Xanatos.

He ended up watching an apprentice die, anyway.

#

Obi-Wan felt empty, when Qui-Gon returned, the light gone from behind his eyes, though he made a good show of healing. Qui-Gon gave him space, watched his friends rally around him, and kept his own pain as close to his mind as possible.

Obi-Wan had, he knew, suffered enough.

[robininthelabyrinth]

My prompt is just more trans au. Various people reacting to baobei. Just i love trans au so much thank u for this gift.

Baobai Pt 1 - on tumblr, on ao3

-

“Oh, hey, you have a kid,” Wei Wuxian said, out of lack of any other conversational topics that weren’t ‘so are you here to kill us all?’. Kids were usually a good, neural topic, especially when they were that small. “Look at her, she’s so tiny! Her parents know you brought her out here?”

“She’s da-ge’s,” Lan Xichen said with a smile and a nod towards Nie Mingjue, who as tall and terrifying as always. He was glowering at the half-grown radish fields as if he was personally offended by them.

“Congratulations, Chifeng-zun,” Wei Wuxian said to him, hoping to stave off any impending violence. The baby was young enough that the mom was probably still in isolation recovering, and maybe hadn’t consented to said baby being brought to the Burial Mounds of all places - certainly Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have agreed to cart a small infant all the way from Qinghe, and he’d thought mothers preferred to remain near their children in the few months after birth - but Wei Wuxian was not really in a position to object.

Certainly not after the quick work Nie Mingjue’s saber made of all of his defensive arrays. That man was scary.

“Thank you,” Nie Mingjue said, and it was awkward for a moment until he added, “Pain in the ass to acquire.”

That made everything better: Wei Wuxian knew how to deal with snark. “Oh yeah? Carried her yourself, did you?”

“Ten fucking months,” Nie Mingjue said, and Wei Wuxian laughed and shot Lan Xichen a wink, figuring that his stupid joke about having given birth to A-Yuan had made the rounds. Funny, he wouldn’t have pegged Lan Wangji to be the sort of person to pass on jokes…

At that point, Nie MIngjue twisted his head around to look at Wen Ning and Wen Qing, who were hovering nearby, trying to hide A-Yuan behind their legs, and said, “She’s your cousin three times removed, if I have my family tree down right, so stop being queasy and let the kid come see her.”

“Fuck,” Wen Qing said, and abruptly sat down. “I’m sorry.”

Wei Wuxian had the distinct feeling he was missing something, especially when Wen Ning’s expression shifted from equally puzzled to outright horrified.

“It’s not exactly your fault, you’re not soldiers,” Nie Mingjue said, and glared at the radish field again. “But in all seriousness: let the kid see her.”

Wen Qing waved a vague hand at A-Yuan, who correctly interpreted it as permission and zoomed over to the baby as fast as his little legs could carry him. He was in that another-kid-how-cool phase that all kids had, and babies were a particular fascination.

“You’re cousins?” Wei Wuxian asked Nie Mingjue, feeling a bit weird about. Three times removed wasn’t close, but still…of all people...“With the Wen sect? You?”

Nie Huaisang made a strangled noise that from anyone else Wei Wuxian would have said sounded a bit like he was going to imminently stab someone.

Nie Mingjue just gave Wei Wuxian a look like he was an idiot. 

“No,” he said very slowly. “I’m not.”

Wei Wuxian continued not to get it, right up until he glanced at Wen Ning who mouthed a name at him and – wait, but no, that’s impossible – but he’d have to be – wait, he was from Qinghe –

Wei Wuxian suddenly noticed that he had sat down on the ground as well at some point.

“Pain in the ass,” he said blankly. “Right.”

Nie Huaisang was glaring at him like he really was going to pull out his never-used saber to start chopping Wei Wuxian into bits, and honestly that might be a preferable option to the sheer awkwardness of having just put two and two together like that in front of so many people. Maybe he could use demonic cultivation to open the ground up beneath him? It’d never been done before, but then again, that was most things he did…

“Why are people so weird about babies?” Nie Mingjue complained, picking up the baby in one arm and a giggling and blissfully ignorant A-Yuan in the other, swinging them both around a bit. “They’re like – lumps of little people. We were all babies once. It’s not that weird.”

“You heard him,” Jin Guangyao said to Wei Wuxian with a smile that looked like it had daggers in it. “It’s not weird at all. Right?”

“Right!” Wei Wuxian said hastily.

Apparently scary people flocked together. Though, did that mean there something he was missing about Lan Xichen..?

-

Lan Xichen smiled at Jin Guangyao, who smiled back. That was really the only good thing about these discussion conferences, he thought – they were long and draining and he had to meet a lot of people he didn’t want to see (Sect Leader Yao ranked highly), but he got to spend a great deal of time with his sworn brothers, which he didn’t often manage. And, really, that made everything worth it.

“How are things going?” he asked in an undertone, scanning Jin Guangyao with his eyes. Madame Jin did not have the reputation for being a kind woman, especially not about her husband’s affairs, and he couldn’t help but worry.

“Manageable,” Jin Guangyao assured him, though it wasn’t really that comforting. “It helps that this conference isn’t at Jinlin Tower – less to arrange, less work to fall on my shoulders. It’s positively easy by comparison. When did you arrive? We’ve been here for a shichen already, setting up.”

“Just now. They’re still moving our things into our rooms –”

“Er-ge! San-ge!” Nie Huaisang’s voice rang out, sharp and clear and murderous; they both turned to look at him at once to try to determine if it was the sort of murderous that meant someone had bought out a painting he’d liked before he got there or if it someone had actually offended him. He had a fixed smile on his face, which boded no one any good. “I was just looking for you. I want to chat.”

“What happened?” Lan Xichen asked, looking around – they were more or less alone, and a quick hand-seal made it so that they wouldn’t be easily overheard. “Did someone do something to Baobei…?”

He couldn’t believe they still hadn’t named her, the poor thing.

(Jin Guangyao had briefly been lobbying for them to name her A-Shi, but then Nie Mingjue told him that if he wanted to have a girl named Nie Shi he ought to man up and sire her himself, and ever since then Jin Guangyao had been proposing different names entirely. Possibly he was concerned Nie Mingjue would take back the offer if he used up the name.)

“Surely not,” Jin Guangyao said. “In the middle of the Lotus Pier…?”

“Not Baobei,” Nie Huaisang said. “But your father just figured out who carried her, and he just – he put his hands – he said he had the right to check on account of da-ge having misled them –”

Lan Xichen observed, a little distantly, that he’d previously thought that the phrase ‘seeing red’ was an exaggeration, rather than a perfectly accurate description.

“Did da-ge rip him to pieces?” Jin Guangyao asked, sounding as if he was very much in favor of that result.

“He did not,” Nie Huaisang said. “You know how he is during these conferences; he’s far too reserved. Slapped his hands away but didn’t do anything else about it.”

“Surely that would put an end to it…?” Lan Xichen suggested, mildly hopeful, but the expression on Jin Guangyao and Nie Huaisang’s face did not fill him with much expectation.

“He’ll try something,” Jin Guangyao said flatly. His voice tremored briefly, full of rage even he couldn’t hide, and he gripped his hands together tightly. “He will try something.”

“Sect Leader Jiang will help us keep them separate for the conference,” Nie Huaisang said. “He still hasn’t figured out the details of Baobei’s parentage, I think he’s convinced himself that men just bear children – in some way that man is as dumb as a rock, same as when we were teenagers, I don’t know how anyone is that gullible – but he’s offended on da-ge’s behalf anyway. But when the conference is over for the evening…”

“It would be unfilial of me to plan my own father’s assassination,” Jin Guangyao said, and his eyes slide towards Lan Xichen, questioning. “But if you wanted to have a theoretical discussion regarding the security system at Jinlin Tower, and the weaknesses thereof…”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen said, putting aside all concerns regarding the morality of assassinations, and found that he didn’t regret the decision one bit. He’d barely tolerated that lecher when he had no choice, when he was Jin Guangyao’s father and a powerful sect leader. But putting his hands on da-ge – thinking of doing more – “Let’s have that...theoretical discussion.”

“I knew I could count on you two,” Nie Huaisang said with satisfaction. “So here’s what I was thinking –”

-

One of the worst days of Nie Huaisang’s life started quite normally – waking up when his brother lifted him bodily out of bed and slung him over his shoulder.

“Da-ge!” he yelped. “Da-ge, no – it’s too early –”

“If you stayed up late, that’s your own problem,” his brother said with the sort of purposeful cheerful sadism that only a person who actually enjoyed waking up with the sun to go train could employ. “I told you yesterday that we were going to be training this morning.”

“But da-ge –”

“You missed the last three days. You’re not missing today.”

But it’s so fucking early, Nie Huaisang thought despairingly, drooping into dead weight over his brother’s shoulder – not that that helped, of course. His brother was too damn strong.

“Are you sure you’re not taking out your feelings about getting fat on me?” he asked, poking at his brother’s somewhat-rounder-than-usual waist. “That peacetime bulge of yours hasn’t gotten any smaller, you know…”

In all honestly, Nie Huaisang was delighted by the small swell of his brother’s usually flat stomach. His brother wasn’t vain – his body was a tool shaped for purpose – and the idea that his brother had finally let go enough, whether by eating more or resting more, to actually gain some weight…

“Whatever you say, pork bun,” his brother said, and Nie Huaisang yelped and hit him because he was not a pork bun! No matter how pale or chubby he might become!

It was a hot day, which of course made going through the steps of training even more miserable than usual. His brother was patient as always, showing him the steps and then making him repeat them a few times before starting up his own morning training routine; after a while, they both got into a nice rhythm, swings and chops.

Training wasn’t that bad, especially when it meant he could spend more time with his always-busy brother. He still didn’t like it, and obviously he had a reputation to uphold, and yes, it was obnoxious to get up early...but it could be worst.

And then, just as Nie Huaisang was turning to tell his brother a joke he’d heard the day before, he saw his brother abruptly turn pale and fall over.

He even dropped Baxia.

“Da-ge!” Nie Huaisang screamed, a thousand ancient fears rearing their heads at once, and he rushed over at top speed. “Someone get a doctor! Quick!”

Not a qi deviation, not a qi deviation, don’t be a qi deviation, he prayed, dropping to his knees next to his brother, who was already waking up – eyes clear, not red, and looking more confused than anything else. He’s too young, I’m not ready, I can’t lose him, not him, not yet, please –

On Nie Huaisang’s instructions, some of the nearby retainers helped Nie Mingjue back inside, even though he was insisting that he was fine.

“You collapsed,” Nie Huaisang snapped at him. “In morning training. You are going to see a doctor, and that’s final.”

Nie Mingjue held up his hands in surrender, looking amused at Nie Huaisang’s uncharacteristic fierceness. His amusement faded into sympathy when he realized why Nie Huaisang was so tense – their father’s death had hit them both hard – and he pulled Nie Huaisang into his arms for a hug.

“It’s not that,” he said confidently. “Not yet. The doctor will tell you.”

The doctor’s face did something funny, though, when he listened to Nie Mingjue’s pulse. Not the oh-no-it-really-is-a-minor-qi-deviation sort of funny or even a nah-total-fluke-you’re-overreacting sort of funny, more of a what-the-fuck sort of funny.

“What is it?” Nie Huaisang demanded. He knew enough medicine – the entire Nie sect knew enough medicine – to understand most basic diagnoses, as well as what they might mean for future health. “What type of pulse?”

The doctor hesitated.

“Well?” Nie Mingjue said. “Spit it out.”

“…a joy pulse,” the doctor said. “About five months, I���d guess.”

For a moment Nie Huaisang didn’t understand. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what a joy pulse was – he did have female friends, some of whom were now mothers – nor that he didn’t know that his brother was capable of carrying, he’d known that forever.

It was just that his brother was an antisocial misanthrope. He didn’t have any lovers, as far as Nie Huaisang knew, which meant he shouldn’t have a joy pulse. 

Besides, five months ago they were still at war! His brother took his duties far too seriously to waste time on a battlefield dallying with someone, anyone, and especially not if there was a major battle around that time. Five months ago there must have been one – which one was it?

Five months…the main force of the army had gone up from Xingtai to Shijiazhuang six months ago, and then there would have been – Yangquan.

Yangquan.

When his brother had been duped by false information into leading an attack on what should have been a mostly abandoned outpost, but which turned out to be in the middle of being reinforced by Wen Ruohan personally – when his brother had been captured – tortured – and even -

“Shit,” his brother said, presumably realizing at that exact moment that Nie Huaisang was capable of math and also dates and possibly even logic. “Doctor, you can go, thank you.”

Nie Huaisang didn’t even hear the doctor leave.

“Huaisang…didi…” His brother was trying to pull him into a hug, but Nie Huaisang didn’t want one, struggling unsuccessfully to get away. He didn’t want to be any closer to – to that – to the creature sitting his brother’s stomach, weighing him down; to what he’d thought was a sign of peace and good times and what was actually nothing more than yet another scar left by the war.

He’d actually been happy about it, and the thought twisted his stomach.

“Can you get rid of it?” he asked, voice strangled. “You can, right? It’s still early…”

“Five months is pretty close to quickening,” his brother said, wincing. “After quickening, the medicines don’t work as well. It might not be that easy.”

“Do you know how dangerous childbirth is?!” Nie Huaisang demanded. His mouth was moving on automatic; he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying. He wasn’t thinking of anything, anything at all, because if he was thinking he’d have to think – he’d have to – his brother – “What if it kills you? You can’t let them kill you! Not after everything we did to avenge A-die!”

“I’m not going to die,” Nie Mingjue said, holding him tightly, his chin on Nie Huaisang’s head the way they always where when they hugged. “I’m a very good cultivator, Huaisang. My golden core will keep me healthy, even if I start bleeding…it won’t be like your mother. I promise.”

Nie Huaisang started shaking. “Da-ge,” he whimpered, pressing his face into his brother’s shoulder. “Da-ge, tell me…”

“Anything,” his brother promised, and he’d regret that promise in another moment, Nie Huaisang knew, the question would only cause him pain, but he needed to know. The second they were out of this situation his brother would clam up, pretend that nothing had happened and that it was all fine, so if he had questions – and he did – then he needed to answer them now.

“Was it – who was it? Was it him?”

His brother stilled.

“You said you’d tell me,” Nie Huaisang reminded him.

“…I don’t know,” his brother said. “I don’t – it could be. But it might be – someone else.”

There had been more than one, then. Nie Huaisang swallowed back bile, wanting to be sick. His father’s murderer had forced himself on his brother, and he’d let others do the same, and now they had to deal with the fallout.

“I want to kill them,” he whispered. “I want – I want them dead – all of them –”

“If it’s anything, I’ve made a pretty good head start on that already?” his brother offered, and of course his brother was trying to find some levity in a terrible situation. “We broke them, Huaisang. Even if some individuals remain, there’s no Wen sect left. If I do end up keeping it, the child won’t have a paternal family to lay a claim – they’ll be surnamed Nie. Another Nie, like you and me. You’ll be their uncle; you have to forgive them, it wasn’t their fault...you have to spoil them rotten.”

His brother’s thumb wiped away some of Nie Huaisang’s tears.

“You’ll be a good uncle, didi,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Nie Huaisang’s brow. “If the child is surnamed Nie, that’s all that matters.”

“People will know,” Nie Huaisang pointed out. “About you, about…I’m not the only one who can do math. We won’t…it can’t be kept quiet, can it? People will know. About you, about - what happened.”

“Let people know,” his brother, brave as ever, said with an indifferent shrug. “What do I care? In the end, it’s just another way to show that even when they threw everything they had against me, I still won.”

-

“What a charming child you have,” the young man from the mountain – Xiao Xingchen, he said his name was, and he was already famous despite having only been around for a few months – said, smiling down at her. “She’s beautiful.”

Nie Mingjue was not currently feeling especially kindly disposed towards human reproduction at the moment, being currently heavy with his second – the world needed more Nies, he wanted more Nies, children to keep Nie Huaisang company if that qi deviation he was promised ever actually turned up, and he had a very good list of cultivators with various pros and cons willing to help him introduce some more diversity into the Nie bloodline to try to minimize the chance of future qi deviations for his descendants, but at the same time he hated waddling around like a stuffed hippo with a bunch of people insisting that he not even think of physical exertion – but he nodded his thanks regardless.

At least for once someone wasn’t going to comment about the child’s parentage, he reflected wryly. There was only so much purposeful playing dumb a man could do, and the first year or so of his little baobei’s life – by the time they’d finally gotten around to trying to name her, the nickname had stick so firmly that they’d succumbed to reality and made her given name A-Bao, though of course, it being Qinghe, no one actually called her that – had really strained his tolerance in that specific regard. 

It was the quickest way to avoid awkwardness, to pass along the information while avoiding conversations he didn’t want to have, but still…

Nobody brought up on a celestial mountain would know about Wen Ruohan, though. He was pretty sure of that.

“And I see you’re expecting another? Sometime soon..?”

“I am,” Nie Mingjue said. “Soon enough.”

Not soon enough. He wanted to go back to training – why did he keep getting high blood pressure no matter how much medicine he took?

“I see,” Xiao Xingchen said. “You’ll have to let me give you a gift of some sort. Do you have a favorite form of cloth?”

Nie MIngjue blinked at him. “Cloth?”

That was a strange gift. Did Xiao Xingchen think that his sect was so poor that he couldn’t cloth a child?

Xiao Xingchen – who was really quite young – blushed red, the color going all the way to his ears.

“I’m sorry for my presumption,” he said, then hesitated, before saying, very delicately, “Have you finished preparing the nest for the egg, then?”

[benscaligraphyset]

Starward

Summary: You and Ben were childhood friends. You were practically inseparable. That is until you went off to a school in the outer rim when you were teens and had to tearfully leave Ben behind. Now, you're both training to be Jedi together and it’s gonna be a hell of a reunion.

Ben has changed—a lot. He was no longer the scrawny, scruffy haired, big-eared teen you once knew. This Ben towered over you and had a wide build with muscles that you could see from the opening of his robes. His elongated face was more defined; his cheekbones were high on his face and much more prominent than in his teen years. Okay, his hair was still the same scruffy mess, but you had to admit, Ben had really grown into himself. You watched him spot you in the crowd and his face lit up.

“Hey, Starward,” he said after coming up to you. Now that he was up close you could see that he truely towered over you, practically like a tree.

“Still calling me that, huh?” You asked.

“What? You think I'm going to forget the single greatest joke I ever made?”

“Well, when you don't make a lot of good jokes, that's hardly an achievement,” you replied and dodged his attempt shove your shoulder. He was so large now, he probably would've knocked you over with just a tap.

He chuckled and drug a hand through his black mess of curls, pushing it back, only to let it fall back unceremoniously around his face.

You loved this side of Ben. The teasing, funny side that he seemed to only show to a few people and saved the brooding Ben for the rest of the world. His brooding will come back like rolling storm clouds soon enough, once the initial excitement and giddiness wore off, but you were grateful for the sunshine that you were experiencing now. Besides, you didn’t mind his grumpy self all that much. It was cute.

Ben opened his mouth to retort but he was interrupted by Leia rushing over to you two.

“Y/N!” Leia exclaimed and wrapped you in a tight hug. You sighed happily in her arms. “It’s been too long.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I should have flown to see you it’s just-“

“You don’t have to explain,” Leia said, pulling back with an easy smile. Her smiles always had a way of bringing one out of you.

“Where’s Han?” you asked and looked to see if he was around. Leia’s smile faltered and she sighed. 

Uh oh.

“He’s sulking in the Falcon. He doesn’t really approve of...” she trailed off and gestured to the temple.

“...me being a Jedi,” Ben finished for her. You could feel his irritation coming off in waves. You’d already heard from Luke that Han had given him his two cents about training Ben to be a Jedi.

“At least he came to see you off,” Leia offered. Ben just shrugged and turned his gaze down to his feet. You tried to send some comfort through the Force but if Ben felt it, he didn’t show it. Leia rubbed circles on his back.

“Don’t you think on it, Ben. You know how your father is, he’ll get over himself soon enough.” You could feel some of his negative emotions slipping away the more Leia talked.

She wrapped his large frame in a hug and stood on her tip-toes to place a sweet kiss into his hair. He gave a small smile at this and tightened the hug, gripping onto her robes, almost as if he held on hard enough, she wouldn’t be able to leave. You saw Leia whisper something into his ear and, not wanting to eavesdrop, you turned away to look around at the other students. You couldn’t help feeling the mixture of sadness and comfort through the Force, though. His mom always had a way of calming his mind unlike anyone else.

“I love you, Ben,” you heard her say.

“I love you too, mom,” he said, voice giving away his emotions. You risked a glance and saw his eyes were glassy.

“You know how to reach out to me,” she said and placed a small hand over his heart. Ben nodded curtly and sniffed. Leia turned to you with a smile and pulled you into a hug as well.

“You have to visit after you’ve finished training,” she said and you nodded on her shoulder. You felt her pull away slightly and bring her mouth closer to your ear, speaking just low enough for Ben not to hear.

“Help Ben not to slip into that dark place in his mind. I know you could always keep him grounded when you two were younger.”

It was true, besides Leia, you think you were the one who understood him most. You talked him through his panic attacks when the voices in his head just wouldn’t shut up. You never judged him when he spoke of his pull to the dark side, instead helping him to ground himself and reminding him of all that is good to focus on. You never thought of him as a monster. More importantly, you never made him feel like he was a monster. You know most people in his life ever intentionally made him feel like he was evil, but their thoughts tended to always betrayed them. But not you. Remembering this only made you feel worse about leaving.

You knew Han and Leia loved him dearly, but they talked too loud behind closed doors. From Ben’s perspective, they spoke about him as though he wasn’t their son, but a monster. Maybe that’s why Han didn’t want him trained in the force.

You swallowed the lump in your throat before pulling back and nodding. You wouldn’t fail her. Or Ben.

Leia smiled and brought a hand to your cheek.

“May the force be with you, always.”

You covered her hand with your own.

“May the force be with you.”

Once all of the parents had left and it was just you younglings left, you were each shown to your quarters. These stone huts didn't provide much in terms of homey vibes, but you could make it work. Besides, you knew you wouldn't be spending much time in there anyways. You'd much rather be swinging your saber throughout the night than tossing and turning and begging for sleep to come.

Once you all got settled into your new home for a while, you all headed to the temple cantina for dinner.

Every part of the temple was beautiful, even the cantina. The walls were mostly a clean shade of alabaster, as most of the temple was, but these walls had swirls of blues, yellows, and greens painted across them, meant to represent lightsaber colors, you assumed. They were decorated with some old rebellion flags but mostly various flags of the Jedi Order. The shiny black tables stood out sitting atop the ivory durasteel flooring.

While surveying the black tables, you spotted Ben eating alone with a hung head from across the room. You rolled your eyes at the thick curtain of hair blocking his face.

“Hey, grumpy,” you greeted, sitting next to him with your own tray of food.

“Who’s grumpy?” Ben scoffed and took a bite out of his Haroun bread.

“You are,” you said and nudged his shoulder, “but that’s about to change.”

“Is it now?” Ben asked and looked up at you and you could tell he was at least a little bit cheered up as your presence.

“Mhm.” You plopped a Hubba chip in your mouth and savored the flavor that you hadn’t had since a kid.

“Are those—?”

“Yep,” you replied and let another one land on your tongue, making a show of moaning with delight. Ben swallowed harshly in response and you saw the tip of his ears that were peeking out of his hair turn pink.

Oh.

Luckily, an R2 unit whirled over to break the tension and beeped a question at both of you.

“No, thanks, QT,” you responded and it beeped a goodbye, rolling to the next table. By the time you looked back at Ben, his ears had returned to their normal shade.

“Luke gave me a few bags as a gift and I thought we could eat them together but—“ You broke off as Ben snagged the bag from your hand. “Hey!”

You scrambled to get it back from him but he held it above his head and shoved a chip in his mouth with a grin.

“You should have better reflexes,” he teased. You rolled your eyes with a scoff and pulled back from him while he continued to hold them in the air as if it was a trophy. He grinned in victory at your retreat and put a few more chips in his mouth.

“I haven’t had one of these since that time we went to Batuu.” While you feigned interest at his telling of the memory, you secretly reached your hand out under the table and pulled at the bag suddenly with the Force. You brought your hand above the table quickly and caught it before Ben had time to react, the chips crunching loudly under your grasp.

“And you shouldn’t trust so easily,” you gloated and shook the bag in front of you. Ben shook his head at you and rolled his eyes.

“Well, I—“

A loud clearing of the throat ran out through the room and everyone’s conversations instantly died down. It seemed like no one wanted you to have an actual conversation with Ben today. But, thankfully, you have a lot of time to catch up.

“Welcome, young padawans,” Luke greeted with a smile. He sent a wink your and Ben’s way and you giggled softly. You saw Ben’s small smile out of the corner of your eye.

Your parents had brought you to Luke a little after your seventh birthday when you first began to show signs of being Force sensitive. Luke had said no, at first. Not that you could blame him; some random people showing up at your doorstep and saying their daughter led them to you? You’d say no, too. But, Luke felt your power raw and electric around you and described it akin to touching a live wire. He knew if he didn’t train you, no one else would and your power could be dangerous if left unchecked. Or worse, if the Sith rose again, they could get a hold of you and use you to their advantage.

After a few months, when you were training with Luke off-world, someone came for you. Only they didn’t know that you were off-world. So your parent’s house was blown up, with them in it.

Luke either truly doesn’t know who it was or he’s intentionally keeping it from you. Your feelings told you the latter, but every time you’ve asked he’s shut you down.

Luke had taken you in after that. That's where Ben's nickname for you had come from. Skyward. Because you were a ward of Skywalker. It was a terrible joke, but it stuck. Ben and Luke used to laugh at it as if it was the funniest joke in the world. That feels like a lifetime ago now.

“These next few months will consist of all the training you need to become young Jedi.”

Excited mumbling broke out through the crowd until Luke silenced them with a look. It was the same look he would give you if you had done something wrong. In fact, you think it was that exact look that you received when you nearly wrecked his X-wing while taking it for a (non-authorized) joy ride, with Ben cheering you on from the ground.

“Don’t fool yourself into thinking this will be easy. Overconfidence will only slow you down and get you or others killed. You have to work together if you ever expect to become proper Jedi. Remember, controlling your feelings is key.” Luke appeared to be looking at Ben when he said this and you felt a prickle of irritation come off of him.

Without thinking, you reached down to grab his hand under the table in comfort. Ben stiffened at the contact, but you kept your hand there all the same. There didn’t need to be any more intimacy than this, you were just letting him know you were here and hopefully, that would be enough. Ben’s emotions were a rollercoaster throughout Luke’s speech. Irritation. Excitement. Nostalgia. Worry. Fear.

“Attachments can prove dangerous for a Jedi, especially romantic ones, ” Luke took a pause and surveyed the room before saying, “which is why we, as Jedi, are prohibited from having any.”

Now a worried and slightly angry rumble went across the room and you heard groans of frustration ringing out. At their grumbling, you chuckled and turned to Ben.

“Come on, is that really much of a surprise? That’s like Jedi 101,” you joked, but he was keeping his face stoic and looking forward at his uncle. You felt a feeling coming from him that you couldn’t quite place

“Now, now, I know you probably feel that this rule is unfair...”

“It’s rubbish,” you heard someone grumble behind you.

“...but it is necessary in order for us, as Jedi, to keep our emotions stable.”

“My mom told me about this but I didn’t think he’d actually do it,” a girl said from the table behind you.

Silently, Ben pulled his hand away from yours. Blood rushed to your cheeks as hurt and shame flooded your body and you had to take a few deep breaths to control your emotions. The only thing more embarrassing than Ben pulling his hand away, would’ve been him feeling how hurt you were by the gesture. You hadn’t held his hand to make some sort of romantic attempt, it was merely out of comfort. Ben must have seen it differently. You crossed your arms across your chest.

You’d forgotten how much Ben Solo had also frustrated you.

Luke continued to drone on, but you honestly couldn’t care less what he was rambling about. You’d heard this speech a few times from him already at home and you weren’t in the mood the hear it a fourth time.

It was brought to your attention that the speech was over when a round of applause sounded and you quickly joined in as to not show you weren’t listening. But judging by Luke's face, he already knew. You were sure he could feel your churning emotions as well. You shrugged and mouthed an apology but Luke just shook his head with a grin.

On your way to get more food, a purple Twi’lek stopped you in your place.

“Hey, you’re Y/N, right?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah,” you replied with a chuckle, “How’d you know?”

“Everyone knows you here. I mean, you were raised by Luke Skywalker,” she bubbled excitedly.

You sighed. You’d hoped that wouldn’t be public knowledge but you were obviously a fool to think that.

“Yeah, that’s me.” You forced a chuckle that you hoped didn’t reveal how uncomfortable you were and rubbed the back of your neck. It was silent for a second as you stared at the floor and she kept her gaze on you. You looked up and gave a half-smile, chuckling awkwardly. You hadn't meant to make her uncomfortable, after all, she was just being friendly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you out like that—this is nothow I wanted to introduce myself...My name is Helixia,” she said and eagerly thrust her hand out. You gave her a reassuring smile and shook her hand.

“I’m Y/N, but you knew that already,” you joked. She giggled and you were happy to feel her nervous energy drain away.

“Anyway, I wanted to let you know that we’re all going to a bonfire tonight and you’re free to join if you’d like.”

She sounded so hopeful. Even if you wanted to say no, you couldn’t.

“Of course, that sounds great,” you replied. Helixia squealed and jumped in excitement. You watched as she started to go in for a hug and then thought better on it. Smart.

“Okay! Well, I guess I’ll see you there!” she said before skipping back off to her table, her purple and white lekku bouncing with every stride. You had to admit, she was adorable, but that conversation had drained you of a bit of energy. You let out a sigh of relief and continued your pursuit to find a sweet-sand cookie. You grinned when you found your treasure and grabbed another one for Ben.

“You’re welcome,” you said after handing the cookie to Ben. He chuckled and took the cookie from you, examining it.

“You couldn’t wait for me to say thank you first?”

“I knew it was coming.”

Ben took a bite of the cookie and nodded in agreement.

“I will admit, this is worth a thanks.”

You smiled and took a second to just watch him enjoying the cookie.

“So...I think everyone’s going to a bonfire tonight...Do you wanna come with me?” You asked while your leg bounced nervously under the table. You’d hoped him pulling away from you in the cantina had been an isolated incident. You didn’t feel any residing hostility coming off him...

“Sure,” he answered and casually took another bite of the cookie. Your eyes flew up to look at him and he gave you an adorable mouth-half-full, close-lipped smile. You returned the smile and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

“C-cool, good, uh, I’ll meet you outside your hut at 2000 hours?”

“Sounds like a date.”

Excitement quickly coursed through you and you couldn't help to grin that appeared on your face.

Oh boy.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Feedback is appreciated!

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