#anymore. and THEN you ban ways for people to connect. don't get me started on how much is fucks up my calling scheldue w friends & I miss

[mjrdm]

.

[bloggingboutburgers]

this past week my qpp of almost two years broke up with me. and i know for you, you said you wouldn't necessarily feel heartbroken if your qpr came to an end, but for me, it felt more heartbreaking than some of my past romantic breakups. this whole thing made me wonder if maybe im not queerplatonic or aro enough to be in a qpr, or if id ever want to be in a qpr again. but seeing you post about your qpr gives me hope that queerplatonic love is something that i can experience fully. so thank you for always sharing your story, because that's what's helping me heal right now <3

Aah, to be perfectly honest, as much as I sorta "downplay" it compared to what it must feel for people who experience romantic attraction... I've had a time where I almost felt like I couldn't go on with my QPP as well and the sheer thought of it was really hard to bear too, so my words here aren't necessarily being very fair to the reality of things.

It was during the travel ban of March 2020 to November 2021 where citizens of my country and others weren't allowed to enter the US unless we spent 15 days in a country that wasn't banned. It made it much harder than usual to visit my partner and as it was nearing 2 years with nobody aware it was going on anymore and US people more concerned about whether they'd be able to have turkey for Thanksgiving, my hope was running really thin. So for a few days in mid-October, as I was at rock bottom, I was starting to write in passing to my partner about how maybe going on wasn't worth it because the separation was too hard on us, it wasn't showing signs of stopping, and the whole thing maybe wasn't worth the pain if they could live their life happily and not have to worry about me who couldn't visit.

And then we videocalled at some point, and when they tearfully told me that even if it did end then and there, they wanted me to keep the promise ring they'd recently given me, I suddenly felt a quiet rage in me going like "No. Fuck this. Look at them. I love them. And I love this too much to allow some cruel governmental decision to end it. If it ever ends, it'll be because WE want it to end. Not because of shit like this."

...I'm making it sound super dramatic but yeah long story short this is also a big reason why we're planning to get married. So that when the US government decides to put a ban on countries including mine again, they can't stop us from vibing together this time.

I guess... I still don't wanna 100% assume we'll be together forever because I don't wanna trap them in a situation they may no longer feel happy in. We're doing great now, but I still have it in the back of my mind that maybe someday they'll get sick of me (they say they never will and that'd be dope if they never did, but never say never and all), or we'll both just want other things, and if it ends like that, then... Yeah, that'd be alright. Much more alright than the way it almost ended.

(...Oh, and for the record, if a friendship of mine ended abruptly, or if my brothers stopped being on good terms with me, I'm pretty sure I'd be just as heartbroken, to be fair. And it'd feel like my reality was collapsing a little. I guess anything ending, any human connection ending, has that effect to a degree, if it's important enough, after all.)

Though describing things like that does make it a bit harder to define what makes it "queerplatonic" as opposed to "romantic", I still... Just have that feeling in my gut that it isn't romance, y'know? It's kinda... A mix between being close friends and being an old married couple without ever having gone through the grandiose passion-honeymoon phase. Maybe that phase IS what defines romance per se. I don't know. Maybe someday I'll find more answers, but it's kinda hard to find answers when you have no idea how romance works to begin with I guess 🙈

In any case... Sorry if I caused any confusion or if I made you question your validity. The thing is pretty simple to be honest: if you feel you're aro, you're veeeeeery likely to BE aro. Because nobody can make that call but you and nobody can name the relationships you have but you. And if amongst everything you even FOUND the words "aro" or "queerplatonic" in a world where those identities and types of relationships are so aggressively hidden or erased, then it's gotta stand for something.

...I guess at the very least THIS I can be certain of TwT Sorry I'm a bit messy about all of this myself, I'm still also going on about it trying to figure it out day by day, but I owed it to you and everyone to be honest. These things are hard to define and I hope to keep finding better and better words to do so someday. TwT

[thecircularsystem]

So, I was recently part of a server run by a system as an experiment. A month of chatting with people, but we couldn't mention our origins, and at the end, we had to guess others origins.

Let's talk about it.

[Note: I am just going to be talking about the server, the survey, and a few thoughts about origins here. This is largely fluff and disappointment and bitching about the flaws I saw in the server. I'll be making a proper post about origins later that's not as connected to this.]

So, firstly, I used an alt account in order to participate in the server. My regular discord ID has my system name in it, and I didn't want to make things too easy. I popped in and talked, and I tried my absolute best to make it so obvious that I had a CDD, while also trying to make it obvious that I wasn't just a CDD system. I knew it would be next to impossible for people to guess my origins, so I was just there to have fun.

I knew immediately that I would dislike the server. For one thing, I already didn't really like the server runner -- sorry, if you're reading this, but genuinely, my system has an aversion to you. Not sure why -- don't fully remember -- but it's there and it made me wary. But, bigger than that, I figured out quickly just how poorly planned the server was. It got BIG, fast, and moderators were chosen seemingly at random. I remember a user was picked because the group names were based around food, and their username matched the food their group represented. That... is a very bad way to pick mods. Then there was the 2 minute speaking timer, which had to be circumvented with threads, and the realization that there was a thirteen year old in the server after I had brought up NSFW content... I do not join servers with younger people anymore and genuinely thought the server was 18+.

It was just... very disorganized. So, strike one.

Regardless, it was fairly easy to guess what people's origins were (not accurately, but I'll get into that at the end/in another post) at the most basic level, and who they were, as evidently, nobody else tried to hide their blogs or identities as hard as I did. I shared servers with around half of the participants already, and others were... fairly easy to guess from their syscourse presence. I think the highlight of the experiment was someone from the server contacting me (Circ) and talking about the experiment with me, not knowing initially who I was in the server. Genuine hilarity there.

But, of course, we were there to try to guess people's origins, so I was trying to find out what I could about those in my group. 7 participants in the group (myself included), and... Well, strike two.

Genuinely, this was the stupidest premise for a server in the world. In my opinion, at least. The thing is, all of these guesses have to be based entirely on stereotyping -- the language the system uses, the way they speak, the concerns they have about the community. A system who uses the term "headmates," is concerned about fakeclaiming more than symptoms of plurality, and focuses more on the plural aspect of systemhood than anything else is likely not experiencing a CDD.

Which, in this set-up, means you're endogenic. And that's a problem. But we'll get to that in the next section. First, I just want to mention that I consider this a strike against the premise of the server because so much was banned from being mentioned. It wasn't... formally said to be censored, but even amongst my friends outside of the server, I saw them say numerous times, "It's so easy to guess who X is because it's obvious they have a CDD!" And genuinely, that indicates nothing about a person's origins, spoken as a true CDD mixed-origin system. It's the Fenmere Clause, right? There's always an exception. So to see this sort of culture on never mentioning your disorder, never mentioning trauma, never mentioning your experiences in the system community while being asked to share them... Eventually, I just started censoring myself entirely in the server, cutting out chunks of writing with little brackets saying [Origin Information] or something similar.

If the point is to be able to guess origins, I need to be able to share more than just the stereotyping that people rely on. It needs to be a fair chance.

Then the end came, and... for fucks sakes, that's what sparked this entire post. I had planned to wirte up a post, of course, but lord.

At the end, we had to guess how likely it was that someone "had a CDD, was endogenic, or was a created system." Funny enough, my origins (mixed-origin, fully traumagenic CDD system with multiple created parts AND a dreamway part) weren't listed, not fully. Traumagenic wasn't even an option for those who don't have CDDs.

Now, look, I am a CDD system. I consider that to be my "main" origin. But to only count "CDD, created, or endogenic," you discount one of my parts entirely, one who is one of the most helpful parts. The survey also didn't ask if people had created parts, but if they were a created system, which... I'm not. So that furthermore discounts two of my parts who are created -- and still equally traumagenic.

Furthermore, when asked for clarification, the moderator had... this to say.

For CDD, you either have one or don't (or at the very least it's more cleanly binary than origin), so I asked for the positive For origin, people "testing for purity" for lack of better wording coming to mind usually care about any percentage of endogenesis. And while CDD does not necessarily mean traumagenic, traumagenic is very nearly a subset of CDD

To translate, as that left such a sour taste in my mouth I thought I threw up a little, what this meant was, "Some of the users are anti-endos, and so if you have one endogenic part, most of those users will assume you're entirely endogenic."

...

So, rather than the point of the server being, "Can you guess someones origin?" it became "Can you guess someones origin if I painstakingly make a survey that caters to anti-endo beliefs and erases the origins of members of the server?"

Wonderful. Strike three.

Genuinely, I'm not sure what possessed the server owner to phrase the questions this way. Catering to the anti-endos wasn't the point of the server, and it erases the members origins. There should have been a way to identify what, exactly, you felt each member IDENTIFIED as. If an anti-endo does not believe in endogenic plurality (which, yes, many members of the server did not), then at the very least, they can say that a user identifies as endogenic, or mixed origin, or spiritual, stressgenic, adaptive, quoigenic, OR ANY of the THOUSANDS of origin options out there.

I would've done a multiple choice list of, "Here's what members of your group identify as, based on their intake survey; can you assign each of these labels to individuals in your group?" What was the purpose of an intake survey at all if you ignore the origins to cater to the anti-endos?

I'm not going to lie, I was incredibly frustrated, more than a little mad, and just...

Disappointed. Which, I figured I would be going in.

The thing is, origins aren't guessable in this manner. Nobody in that server could have looked at me and gone, "Ah! Yes, it is clear that this individual is a mixed-origin CDD system who identifies with CDD as an origin while having created traumagenic parts and a dreamway part." DREAMWAY IS A LABEL WE FUCKING MADE UP!!!! It would be impossible to guess unless they heard about me personally.

And that's the reason this type of experiment is bullshit. Sure, you can... hazard a guess if someone has a CDD or is endogenic or is mixed-origin or any of the above. But... You can't know. You can't get it perfectly accurate. Sure, based on vibes you can guess, and maybe you can even guess accurately for the most part.

BUT EVERY SYSTEM IS DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE ANYWAYS. So why does it matter?

It doesn't.

But the system community doesn't seem ready to accept that yet.

All in all, I'm incredibly disappointed in the server and how it went. I enjoyed the conversations we had there, and I enjoyed the company. I'm still enjoying talking there!! Now that origins are revealed, I want to talk about how my mixed-origin parts impact my CDD parts, and how they are CDD parts at the same time. I want to discuss it!!!

I would even hazard to say I made some new friends, and likely a few enemies (someone from my group, not knowing who I was, was even liking posts that were actively libel against me from harassers I have. How fun!)

But the experiment portion of it was an entire, complete disaster. And I think... genuinely, most people expected it to be.

Sigh.

[lrlamauthor]

Hey there, I really liked Dragonfall and I've seen you tell people on here that the best way to help support the book is to leave a review! I'm really new to giving book reviews and was wondering if there were specific places to review that would help the most. I have recommended it to my friends, but I don't really have any social media reach. Dragonfall made a setting that made it feel like somewhere I could actually belong and I love the slow gradual pace of it and all the little details I give. But yes, best places to give a book review for Dragonfall?

Hello, thanks for asking. Helpful places: - Retailer websites like Amazon, B&N, Waterstones, Bookshop.org, Audible, places like that. - Review websites like Goodreads, Fable, or Storygraph, romance.io Obviously, posting all those places would be a lot, so the top 3 most helpful are probably Amazon, Goodreads, and Storygraph.

In its initial release, I kept pitching it as 'sexy dragons' and certain retailers also sometimes positioned it as a fast-paced, spicy romantasy. But I don't think it aligns enough with romantasy subgenre expectations, in retrospect. I've since tried flagging that it's more epic fantasy with romance, experimental narrative positions, etc, but it's still hard to know how to best help it find its readers. It's a fundamentally weird thing, to release a piece of art, which is such a vulnerable act, and have it graded on a 5 star scale. To feel like the average rating is somehow its final grade, even though that's not how art works, especially in our current culture war, and negative reviews can still convince readers to pick up a book, too. But I've always written to connect, and I struggled with feeling misunderstood for most of 2023 and a good chunk of 2024. I know an author's personal social media doesn't really move the needle, per se, but it is also getting harder to get the word out about my books directly. And as soon as you put in the work to establish a platform and wrangle with the whims of algorithms, it gets banned (TikTok) or becomes unsafe (Twitter, Meta, and even here on Tumblr). I don't look at reviews directly anymore, but sometimes a friend goes in and sends me some anonymised nice quotes. It's a gift when I get a reader message. It bolsters me because I know there are those out there who get what I'm trying to do without me having to compromise my voice or the way I like to tell stories. People can be so very loud with their hatred, it sometimes risks drowning out the love.

I'm feeling a lot better here in 2025, which is why I'm sharing this. There's so much to be grateful for and to look forward to, both for the Dragon Scales series and re-releasing my debut series later in the year. And I am really happy (and relieved) that so far, those who liked Dragonfall seem to love Emberclaw, too.

TLDR: Word of mouth, online or offline, is magic. Readers have the power to keep series alive.

I'll leave you with the dedication I put at the start of Emberclaw (out March 4th or 6th): "To the readers who told me Dragonfall and The Lumet did feel like home. It meant and means the world to me." -Lx

[eyesore-boi]

You think that you're alone but

We are waiting for you every night...

You're mine.

Close ups and other stuff below!

...so....10 years, huh?

I cannot understate how much FNaF means to me in my life, and yeah...know that sounds a b i t much considering it's the funny har har bear games, but lemme explain-

Truth is, i was actually terrified of FNaF when it first came out! I remember my first introduction to it was when i was having a sleepover at my friend's place and he was both playing and watching other people play the first game, and when i was watching it with him, i got scared and tried to avoid the game as much as i could, even claiming to hate the game despite just knowing the first game. I was young and was prone to sheltering myself from stuff i didn't understand, and that being the first scary game i've ever seen caused that reaction, but over time...that changed.

It happened when i was watching YT and clicked on a comic dub i never seen before, thinking it was an AU for a fandom i was in (probably Undertale i dunno), but lo and behold, it was actually a fandub/animatic for the missing kids incident, and that...peaked my interest. I got curious on how this scary game actually had an interesting story to it and not just some game that goes boo. So, soon after that, i decided to look up simply "FNaF Story", found the Game Theory videos, and...the rest is history.

I was amazed and hooked, got invested in how the games explained the story in ways i've never seen before, got excited when i saw everything click together in real time, and pair that with how i got into the series r i g h t when Sister Location came out, arguably when the lore really started to kick off, i knew there was no going back now. I stuck with the series since. I watched all the animatics and dubs, listened to all the songs, tried drawing the characters, made OC's, and even talked to other people about this franchise.

And now look- Not gonna pretened this whole time it's been sunshine and (Chica's) rainbows, especially in recent times. The drop off SB caused, the lore getting more and more complicated and convoluted, the divide between older and newer fans, being the founder of Mascot Horror (for every Poppy Playtime there i s a Garten of Ban Ban) and course the IRL drama, but in all seriousness...i still wouldn't trade it for anything.

FNaF, this series, is my very first experience connecting me with a community like this, both good and bad, helping me understand how to properly enjoy media and even learn/take things from it, and i think without it i wouldn't be in the fandoms i'd be in now. The scary, horror ones, the niche, hard to find ones, story driven, character rich, and of course...more importantly...getting me into Markiplier, which further influenced the "outside the box" kind of thinking cause my g o d for these two stories you need too-

And speaking of, because of those two stories, it lead to me branching out more creativily and even creating my own webcomic for an AU combining both of them, so regardless on how that'll go, i'm just glad this series has influenced me enough to create something for others to see, since that's all i ever want to give.

But really, this franchise will forever be with me, and though i don't always agree with all of it (i haven't read any of the books in y e a r s and i refuse to do so), it only makes some of the stuff it does do right completely worth it (like the movie, peak cinema), and for where ever this bear shaped train is going next, well, i'll be here for the ride for all of it. No matter how many burning buildings it goes through.

...oh and um- Right yeah. The actual art piece. Uh....it crashed multiple times when drawing it. It's even a miracle i was able to export it. I can't even open it up anymore. So even if i wanted to change anything about it, i c a n 't -

But still pretty happy with how it came together! Was run drawing these robos, some being kinda redraws from the past, while other's i've n e v e r drawn before, so that was interesting! But still, tried to draw the "main character" so to say from each of the main FNaF games, and just kinda be...walking along through the series, nothing too deep or complex, but still interesting enough! ....unlike the fnaf storyline cause g o d how many restaurants wERE THEIR S C O T T -

But for real this is going long enough, so ima head out and do my own FNaF related things thay you don't need to worry about shush *commits arson*

HAPPY 10TH FNAF BIRTHDAY EVERYBODY!! >:DD

[transfemme-shelterdog]

anon who wants tw to get better here- im gunna share smth. i lost my childhood to undiagnosed autism and severe depression, like i told my mom i wanted to die when i was 7 years old severe depression, always felt like there was a wall between me and everyone else that prevented me from ever feeling like i could connect or belong. i turned to anger as a way to feel something, i lashed out at everyone around me and bullied people despite myself being bullied and knowing how horrible that felt. i convinced myself that i didn't care about the people around me because it was easier than living with the fact that no one wanted to friends with the "weird kid" and that the adults in my life had and continued to fail to help me for years. i couldn't care because if i did, id realize that no one around me gave a shit about me, and i don't think i would have survived it.

i mellowed out a lot in late middle school and high school, mostly bc i just didn't have enough energy to even be mad anymore. it took me until i was 15 or 16 to sit and look at myself and realize how horrible being so shitty to the people around me made me feel, and i decided to do something about it. it wasn't instantaneous, and i still fell back into bad habits, but i managed to leave high school with a group of people i deeply cared about and who cared about me.

im 23, turning 24 in 5 days, when i thought i would have killed myself before i turned 18. i'm on antidepressants, which absolutely changed my life. i'm planning on starting hrt soon (if it doesn't get banned in my state, and if it does then it still won't stop me in the future). i volunteer in nonprofits and with helping to run student organizations so i can share my interest and passion in the environment and plants and insects with other people. i watch birds and i look at insects and i stop to take pictures of flowers and i try to learn as much as i can about the world and the people around me because i know what it was like to spend almost two decades of my life in the hopeless void of severe depression.

i wanted to share this because i want tw, if they see this, and anyone else who reads this, to know that you can find happiness and joy and love in life but you have yourself and let other people help you first. the world can be cold and cruel and impartial but it can also be beautiful and hopeful and full of so much light that you want to share it.

i love you all and i hope you take care of yourselves and find joy in something small today. and also, to the owner of this blog, i hope you have a wonderful day and thank you for offering this space to anyone who needs it. you're a beautiful person and i deeply respect your willingness to help others when its so easy to look in the other direction <3

@witch-thicced

I have a message for you from an Anon. I think they'd appreciate if you'd read it

[nicomrade]

i didnt read nearly as much this year (2023) compared to last, i mostly re-read my faves that ill maybe post about one day and i read non-fiction from libraries. I am a Communist by Park Kun-Woong and Ichi-F by Kazuto Tatsuta are the two that id say stood out the most in that regard, but i kinda wanna keep these retrospective posts to fiction only so lets go for my actual 6 picks naow

Poison City - Tetsuya Tsutsui (2014-2015) opening with my favorite author, poison city is about art censorship- specifically of mangas in japanese libraries- how it happens, why, by and for whom, who it affects, how it shapes the publishing industry and so on. it was written after tsutsui found out his own work (manhole) had been banned in a prefecture, without him ever being notified. its only 2 volumes but the most nuanced discussion of the topic ive seen. like all tsutsui work it is in my brain forever like a worm and if i see it IRL i get an urge to reread it right there right now. which happens often cuz french libraries (justifiably!) love it

Gekiga-Yose: Fallen Words - Tatsumi Yoshihiro (2009) i got into a little gekiga rabbithole sometime last spring that segued really nicely into a rakugo moment for me. Fallen Words is neatly at the junction of the two and maybe the best way to experience rakugo stories if you cant watch performances? its not rakugo but it tries really hard to make the original jokes work in a new medium. fascinating project that i really enjoyed and laughed outloud at while reading. it also helps other rakugo-based fiction have more context and depth for a non-rakugo liker audience

Blood on the Tracks / Chi no Wadachi - Oshimi Shuzo (2017-2023) "this is not a work that wants to teach you how to heal, how to cope, or give you catharsis, or tragedy." chi no wadachi is about parental abuse and keeps to following the protagonist for as long as his mom has influence over his life, in all of the ways that she does, and nothing more. its heavy, its hard, and its something you need to meet halfway. not the oshimi shuzo work id necessarily start with but its the one i read fully this year and also the one i got into comment fights on mangadex about lol

Billy Bat - Naoki Urasawa & Nagasaki Takashi (2008-2016) billy bat is about art and its about making art and its about what if there was a bat on the moon that gave you catharsis. its got historical fiction its got protagonist changes its got walt disney its got an insane amount of historical research put in. its got two bats. its art as an universal language, as something its artist owns but that also belongs to everyone who's ever connected with it, art as the root of humanity, as the lense through which people view and shape the world. and its about a japanese-american artist named kevin.

Bokurano: Ours - Kitoh Mohiro (2003-2009) bokurano is about kids who are roped into a mecha war for earth's survival. it questions whether you can live without harming others, the nature of remorse, childhood trauma, and so on. its dubiously a death game- i count it as one but its also explicitely interested in this very question- "is this a game?". is bullying a game? Is csa a game? Is parental abuse a game? Neglect? Sibling violence? War? Is that what a game is? anything that children do?

Undercurrent - Toyoda Tetsuya (2004-2005) its easy to say reading undercurrent feels like youre drowning because the water motif is already omnipresent but this really is a piece where the story and the artistic motif are just in symbiose. undercurrent explores one woman's life managing her bathhouse almost on her own at the same time as she's dealing with more personal issues, and my first instinct upon seeing the cover is always to hold my breath. cannot say anymore just read it

+ bonus mention to Gantz - Hiroya Oku (2000 - 2013) for ruining my whole life. i didnt start it in 2023 but i was overcome by some sort of fever in january that made me finish this fucking manga and it hasn't left me since. don't read gantz. you can watch the live action movies they cut out 95% of the manga and make it actually good also akagi's actor (kanata hongo) plays my fave character in them. but whatever you do, don't read gantz.

[the-firebird69]

Huge numbers of morlock women are thinking the clothes as they see them dying and they are Chrissy got their men for not getting it because it makes more of them and simply defending would work so it's beginning and it's huge finally that was terrible

Thor Freya

I said the bottom part there's other stuff happening it's pretty big. And they're going to arrest tons of these people and for real crimes and they're going to start shortly the event was the clones that's happening here too and it just heated up and cops are going in everywhere and their minority morlock and regular sheriff and they're arresting both sides constantly and it's a huge huge arrest going on right now. And there are other things too they're people who are running around in Vegas and the sheriff in Port Charlotte and punta Gorda has stated that they're going to go after them because they're nasty to them and they got permission they said finally and I ordered them to anyways so they said good and there's some other stuff happening this Chinese food thing it's caused a lot of racism from the clones and the morlock and they are getting fought. And very hard they are taking hits and big ones and the morlock minority are after them and for blood literally, and it works better to dope with it they say. It is a wicked fight and it's getting pretty big and it is caused by today's event. Which leads me to Utah there's a whole bunch of people talking about it and lawyers and so forth and our lawyer is connected beside the paper to Ellie and John and yeah the same lawyer that kicked him out of the family and the paper will say you're in receipt of items that are due to our son from a will that you stole because you are not immediate family as you listed and you committed fraud and you also are complicitous with their demise and he'll list off some evidence and him demand the items and they'll say I don't think so then they're going to court and they're going to jail prison as it should I lied about everything and they were trying to harm her and she's vice president and they do shoot at her and maybe they probably win and people are attacking them because they're in court and attacking bjA more and it revives it. Is a huge number of people heading west a lot of them are not bjA and they will fight, since he's the one who started this fight and lost their bases and areas. And they say it out loud all the time. We're going to war with you idiots this afternoon your stupid pigs and we're going to take all the stuff you're not the good guy because you're going after someone to die that's ridiculous but he doesn't every time he's an insane little a******. I'm talking about trump. And today he might be indicted well they said next week but he is court cases to go to today not as Trump but he has five court cases in punta Gorda and three in Port Charlotte any plans on missing some of them and he's going to be arrested there's a few others who are going to be arrested because they're doing that. And several more things happening here the max are sick of these people and so we their act is bad the talk is horrible and nobody wants to put up with him anymore and push this comes to shove and they're going to try and find ways to get them out. They are flying missions from Florida to hit a holes no one big reason is Tommy f has an invasion Force and he is blocking that activity by mathematics. If you go ahead and do that he might start and take over so it has been banned and people are seeking his hardware finding it and taking it there's a huge bunch of that left Puerto Rico last night and unloading the ships led to it they are also losing a lot of threats and power because the women are tired of them and it's translated to them 50% global Force for The invasion because of people going after them top side and it's becoming a huge event and people see it so they are attacking the clones and getting information and getting stuff and stopping their invasion we think by the end of the day they were lost to 75% of their hardware in about 80% of the army that was dedicated to do so. That's huge news so we're going to publish

Hera

Zues

We have other items to discuss and we'll we'll do so shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

[tinydeskwriter]

Request: Jack being obsessed with gf reader. Clingy, touchy, jealous, possessive, etc. Constantly has to have her around and gets cranky when she's not.

Mark The Territory

Jack was usually very touchy—almost clingy—, as a rule a part of his body always had to be connected with a part of hers, and it was just with her Y/n learned early in their relationship, he had never been like that with previous girlfriends, at least that's what his friends said, Urban, Jack’s best friend, even once joked that Jack suffered from an Y/n Obsession, which everyone thought was funny, except for Jack himself who blushed when even his girlfriend starts laughing. Whenever they are in the same room he is drawn to her vicinity like a moth to her irresistible flame. No one else even blinks anymore when he pulls her to sit on his lap in the middle of a conversation. Or the way he moves in two seconds if he sees a guy getting too close to Y/n.

They were one of those always touching, always together, teeth-rotting couple.

“Shit, dude.” Urban entered the hotel room. “Metta came out of here cursing you in German, what did you do?”

“He bit her head off, because his outfit isn't all-black and he and Y/n ain’t going to match.” Zack commented bored, while sitting in an armchair, scrolling through his phone. “And he’s grumpy because Y/n is going to meet him at the stadium for the game, and he misses her.” Bia made fun of his friend. “He’s suffering withdrawal.”

“Shut up.” Jack grumbled, finishing the buttons on his dark brown silk shirt.

Yes. He was in a bad mood over his girlfriend's absence.

They had already spent the entire afternoon apart as she had had a photo shoot for a lingerie campaign. And he'd been banned from attending by her manager—just because he'd threatened the photographer in the last photoshoot, it wasn't like the guy didn't deserve it —.

And to worsen his mood, Jack had seen on IG that two of Y/n's ex-boyfriends would be in the game.

He didn't really care about Colson, the guy was engaged and their relationship had ended peacefully, they kept as friends, Y/n even went shopping with Megan.

Jack's problem was the asshole who still DMed her as if he didn't know she was dating him. He didn't have any beef with Gerald till the rapper he collaborated with on the song 'Moana' made it clear he didn't respect his relationship with Y/n.

"C'mon idiots, I don't want to keep my girl waiting." Jack took his cell phone and wallet from the bedside table.

—#—

One of his hand was intertwined with hers over her knee, and the other was playing with his hair. From time to time he would attack her bare neck with his lips—completely aware that he would leave marks—his free hand gently holding her jaw in place, as if she were his prey.

Jack was also aware of the other rapper sitting across the court, apparently unable to take his eyes off his girlfriend.

“Just ignore.” He heard Y/n whisper in her ear, and turned to look at her.

“Hard when he can't stop looking this way.”

“You're the one who's going to take me home… or rather to our hotel room.” Y/n rested her chin on her boyfriend's shoulder. “While he's the guy who messed up all his relationships and he's going back to a big empty house.”

“How did you know….” He turned to face her in time to see her roll her eyes.

“Please Jack, give me some credit, I know you.” She said. “And since you arrived, all that's left is for you to piss on me to mark your territory.”

Jack blushes.

And then he heard Zack and Urban choke on their drink.

Assholes. That's what you get by listening to other people's conversation.

“I'm yours Jack, there's no reason for you to be jealous or feel insecure, Gerald, Colson, all the other guys are in the past, none of them made me feel the way you do.” Y/n kisses her boyfriend just as the kissing cam focused on the couple.

[genderisareligion]

Have you noticed that a big part of the unconditional support transactivism receives from women despite this movement being built on misogyny is because many MANY so called feminists don't want to actually acknowledge male supremacy? They eventually will criticize/oppose to one or another sexist event (like the abortion ban in USA) but as time goes on, they just forget it and even manage to despolitize them. Now, reproductive rights isn't an integral part of women’s rights anymore, it's “queer/lgbtqia+ rights”, “bipoc with vaginas rights”, etc.

But nothing makes it more obvious than the fact that women(even black/indigenous women) easily accepted they're “cis” - implying they have privileges for their womanhood not being denied - which is laughable because how being “acknowledged” as women is a privilege when to be a woman - specially a woc - in a misogynistic world is oppressive? The acceptance of the infamous “cis” also implies that both men and women are equally oppressive towards trans people, thus the analysis of male violence lost space to the more malleable “gendered violence”. By place both “cis” men and women, any observations of male patterns of violence is discouraged because it's “transphobia” (but why it would be transphobia if trans women are women like “cis women” and are targeted by men most of the time? Hmmmm) and a vile MRA rhetoric start to take place in feminism disguised as a true compromise with “gender equality”: women can be as bad if not worse than men. Women aren't victimized by male supremacy, in reality it's men who are the biggest victims. In the name of “not infantilizing women” for JUST acknowledge that misogyny exists, people are infantilizing men and giving them a free pass on their mistreatment of women.

Many so called feminists also lack sex class consciousness and they internalized all the sexist shit we have been taught by our society. So they really act that trans women are the ones who bring humanity to women's status, this is why claims like “If you don't think trans women are women, it means you think women are inferior” what is the connection between a man thinking he is a woman because he identity as one (whatever that means) with women supposedly inferiority? Women literally carry the whole humanity! Our bodies are complexes and prepared to survival and they pull out this weak guilt tripping rhetoric and women eat this up, think the only way they can achieve humanity is through males? Pffff

Honestly, after reading The Creation of Patriarchy by Gerda Lerner(a must read to any feminist), this actual state of feminism became even more clear: men have stolen women's humanity, women's knowledge of our bodies, even the position of the creators of life, despite the fact that they can't get pregnant. The next step is stealing the womanhood itself and it isn't a random event, it's part of their colonization of females. Understanding how they operate helps us to fight back.

🙏🏽

“Cis” is the biggest pile of horse shit and my #1 source on this has always been and will always be my girl Audre Lorde. Who in the entirety of the book Sister Outsider goes to great lengths to emphasize: women can simultaneously have different lives/womanhoods (ex.black versus white womanhood, ie intersectionality) while working together against patriarchy. I think it’s funny/sad that today the white man’s “intersectionality” hates black women like me who reject gender roles and claims there is a sweeping “cis” womanhood privilege that’s so universal it automatically places all non trans “afabs” (nearly 50% of the goddamn globe) above trans “afabs” and “amabs” in status and life quality. Audre also goes to great lengths to support the statement “the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house” which I’ve always pretty plainly taken to mean that gender will never dismantle sexism.

You’re 💯 on these feminists who can’t deal with the reality of male supremacy. Gender framework is a sugar coat that makes things easier to cope with. I get it, sexism is pervasive and normalized as fuck and it’s scary to think about how angry a lot of men would probably get if things actually changed and they didn’t have access to female abuse as often as they do. But I’m personally also fed up with being scared and highly prefer just being pissed off back lol and trying to actively do something about changing it. They can be mad all they want, I’m not stopping until we get our humanity back fully even if it’s not within my lifetime and step #1 is naming the problem

[dystopia-fantasy]

Always read the job description -Part 1

Max was a fit, well built man. He had been body building since he was 14 and now In his early 40s he has the body of a god, but is slowly getting to the age when he needs to find another way to make money. He knows he can't take part in his competitions anymore, and needs to take it easy. He got great grades in school and college, proving people wrong that you can't be a nerd in a jock body.

Max had some money saved and was able to keep up on bills for a few months but needed a job to keep his large house, in the rich area of the city. He got a call from a business he applied to a couple of days ago, telling him to go in for an interview tomorrow, and if it goes well he will be sent straight on a trip for the company. He gets his new blue suit ready to be worn the next day.

The morning arrives, it's 5am, and Max wakes. He does his normal morning routine, making breakfast, working out, taking a shower, then gets his suit on ready for his early morning interview. Driving to the office building in the middle of New York, it's at least 50 stories high, and is made of mostly glass, and is one of the newest modern builds in the city.

On arrival a large man in his late 60s wearing a suit greets him, "hello sir, you must be max, Sir Mammon is on his way down to collect you, may I say what an amazing suit you have on today".

Max looks the man up and down, seeing the man's huge belly flowing out from under his dress shirt, showing a massive W shape, "thanks mate, you might want a bigger shirt" then points to his belly.

"sorry if I offended you sir, but all clothing has been chosen by Sir Mammon himself" Mammon is the big boss of the business "if you would like to make a complaint I can print you a form".

Max laughs, "No thanks, I'm gonna sit over there, tell Mammon im there".

"will do sir, have a great day" the man says while max walks away paying no more attention to him.

About 15 minutes later a young handsome slender man walks over. "Max is it?" He says behind Max.

"yes.." max says confused.

"I'm Mammon, nice to meet you" he smiles holding his hand out for a shake.

"oh hello Mammon, is wasn't expecting someone so young, no offence of course" max shaking his hand.

Mammon let's out a little laugh, with a little grin "it's ok max, people don't expect someone like me to own such a remarkable company like this one would you like to follow me, we can go up to my office, this is Mark by the way, he's my Butler". Mark is another large man aged around 50, he has a massive belly stuffed into his suit, hes huffing and puffing, like he ran a marithon, "don't mind him, most of my staff are..."

Max cuts him off "fat?"

They both laugh, "you could say that Max" the elevator arrives and they all walk in, "now max, you did read the whole advertisement correct?".

Max didn't, it's was 48 pages long, who would read it all? He just looked at the wage he would get, it started at $100,000 per month. "Yes, I did".

"that's good, most guys are more keen to keep their body's but I guess if your struggling you'll do anything."

Max now confused just nod's and watches though the glass elevator as they fly up to the top floor.

"where here sir" Mark the butler says peacefully in his British accent.

They walk into the room, and Mammon sits at his desk pouring himself a glass of wisky, and Max one too. Max looks around in aww, the room was covered in art work, with the walls painted in golds and whites and had its own bar. "How do you have all this money?" Max asked.

"a mix of many things, this company, and a few investments paid for this whole building, I have many other ways but we're not here for that." Mammon points at the seat," take a seat max" Max sits the chair is made from leather and is very comfy. "So, max, I've gone through your file, I think you're perfect for the job."

"so, does that mean I have the job?" Max replies confused, expecting to be asked a question.

"well yes, if you agree to the terms"

"terms?" Max still confused.

"well yes, you expect to be paid 10times the amount the normal person for this job without any terms or conditions?"

"well I didn't know.." Max gets cut off.

"Max let me simplify them for you. You sacrifice your body to the company, and in trade you get, $100k X the amount you weigh paid into your account per month, So if you weigh 450lbs, you get $450k a month."

"what the fuck? That's sick, I'm not doing that, I'm leaving" and with that Max got up from the chair and stood face to face with Mammon, with the desk all that is separating them. "Your sick, you fa**ot".

With that Mammon's eyes glow a bright red. "I'm a what?" Max got through back against the chair by an invisible force. "Max you could have just left with your freedom, but now look what you've gotten yourself into".

"Let me go, What the fuck?" Max says while traped against that chair, it chreeking with the force of his muscle.

"I'm a fucking demon max, I'm never going to 'let you go'" he took a second break to mock max, "now, what did you say? Fa**ot, was it?".

"fuck, I didn't mean it" the force pins him down harder, trapping his arms against the leather chair arms, and pushing his legs against the underboard. "Please let me go home, I won't do it again."

"shut up max, the process is already starting".

Max looks down to see his body deflating, his pecs turning from mountain peaks to a flat surface, his giant powerful arms turning weak and light. And then looking up he sees a whole new man infront of him.

"Not as big as I thought I would get, but boy I'm big" he took a break to admire his new giant arms and pecs.

"what the?" Max looks in confusion, "how did you do that? Give me them back".

"what are you gonna do max? I'm an infinitely powerful being and you, your an old man, or at least your going to be."

"I'm only 42, what do you mean, going to be?"

"you see I don't have my infinite life span on earth, so to stay alive and in this fit body, I absorb anything a guy has and I want. In your case, these massive muscles, but then I need to absorb their life force as well, in order to make sure I don't age."

"what do you mean life force?"

"well, you have roughly 50 years, worth of life left, I'll drain about 20 years leaving you in your future crippled body at around age 60, force you to work for the company for another 20 years, then when your 80 drain the rest of your life, which after you get fat won't be much, then you got to hell."

"man your sick, let me go, LET ME GO!".

A bright red light shoots from Peters hand enveloping Max's whole body, and he starts to age, his face wrinkling, skin dropping, eye sight worsening, hearing getting muffled, and mind changing a little. "Max, you ok old man?".

"yes sir" max was confused in his mind, why did he say sir?

"max, you ready for your Cruise? You can have tones of food for the next 6 months."

"Yes sir, I'm ready" max lifts his head, opening his eyes to see a new blurry room from his new old eyes.

"you're gonna need these from now on" Peters eyes glow and a new pair of glasses appear on Max's face he can now see clear.

"thank you... Sir", max blinks seeing Peter infront of him, "what have you, done to me".

"Max, I've turned you into the perfect office worker, old, brainiac, who is soon going to get fat and live the rest of his life, in an office chair for me, don't worry for accomodation you live here now, we have apartments on floor 30 to 40, all workers live here, it's policy, we have also sent a team to your house to, well, blow it up, that way nobody is going to be looking for you, becuase we can plant a body"

"give me... My.... Body back, give me... My.. life back."

"Max we both know that will never happen, now enjoy a life of gluttony, and prepare yourself for hell, that's gonna be worse then anything I can do to you." Peter snaped his fingers and a red glow enveloped max.

Recovering from the glow max sees two men infront of him with a trolly of sorts between them. "Is he awake" one says,

"I don't know" said the other.

"im- awake" max said in a much older raspy voice.

"good we can now start the feeding" the man on the left said, his body as muscled as a god, ripped from head to toe, and we can see everything.

Max rubs his eyes under his glasses and opens them again, "Fucking hell, put some clothes on both of you".

Both men where nude, one a ripped god, another muscled up but with a big gut. "Clothes are banned here mate" the beefy man said in a type of Australia accent, "you cant say much fella, look at that tiny pecker".

The men laughed pointing at Max's shriveled up old cock and low hanging balls, "what the fuck"max tries to move his arm to cover him but his arm doesn't move, he looks down to see him stuck in a chair, with a cut out hole under his ass, and straps tying him down, trapping him. "What... Are you gonna do to me?" Max asked sceared.

The men laughed at him again, "no need to act to sceared, we're here to feed you for the next 6 months".

"but... Sir said..." Max get cut off.

"he said you'd be going on a cruise? Fucking hell are you dumb? He's a demon, you shouldn't trust a demon" The muscled guy says.

"bro let's start the feeding we have 50 other guys to see and I wanna watch football Tonight." The beefy guys says, and in unison both their eyes glowed a bright red, showing they where demons too.

The trolly between them had several items on top, one long tube, which floated in the air for a few moments before shoving itself down maxes nostril and deep into his stomach, his head flipped back trying to wriggle it out, but it was stuck. Another item moved into his frame, a IV bag holder, holding a giant barrel type object made of glass, and two large bags floated of the table again and started to drain into the barrel, and the tube connected itself to it, starting a flow of the liquid into maxes stomach.

"done" the beffy guy said. "Now we'll be back tomorrow to refill your barrel, and clean you up if you make a mess, but youll basically be unconscious for the next 6 months, due to the drugs were feeding you."

"so enjoy your sleep mate, you'll litterally wake up a different man." The two men laughed and walked out, max tried fighting the restraints but in his crippled form could do nothing. The door slammed and locked, and the room fell dark, max screamed begging into the darkness to be let free, and to have his life back, which he had only an hour before, but nothing happened, nobody came. He felt the drugs taking effect, but tried to fight back, but it was useless, his body slumped and loosened. His mind fell blank as he drifted of into his 6 month hibernation.

[shra-vasti]

Without you

Pairing : Hong Joshua x reader

Type : Soulmate au, idol au

Genre : angst to fluff

Warnings : initial denial of the soulmate bond to not hurt someone special

Word count : 5.3k

Soulmate au type : In which two soulmates are connected through red string of fate and they can feel the tugging of the string when their soulmate is under 50 meters radar.

It was snowing softly when he first saw you, clutching your fist tightly cause the gloves didn't provide enough warmth to your body. Maybe that's the reason you didn't felt the tug at your left finger where the red string was attached but Joshua did. As soon as he felt the tug he snap his head in your direction, his heart beating loudly.

There you were in your dull red long coat and a matching red beanie, black jeans and snowboots. Your hair were loose and mini snowflakes adorn on your hair like the lightening on Christmas tree. You were breathtaking he concluded. Never once in his life he felt such a strong impact of someone but then again, he was fated with you, there was a reason you were his soulmate.

He smiled at your annoyed expression, how you complained your friend and stomp your feet, you may have stomp on his heart with that too but he would never tell you. He saw you walking upto the bus and hoping upon it. He didn't make an effort to approach you. He just stood there, his heart beating loudly as he saw you going further away till he couldn't feel the tug anymore but that wasn't a problem.

You were breathtakingly beautiful and he knew he would never forget your face ever cause now it was etched right on his heart and he knew he would recognize you even if you were in the middle of crowd.

Two delicate hands cup his face diverting his direction away from you. His eyes were met with a confused ones silently asking him where his attention was. He shook his head as he put a strand of her hair away from her face and smiled at her.

"Nothing. I just thought I saw someone familiar but I was wrong." he smiled at her. He couldn't just tell her he saw his soulmate, not when he knew it would break her apart. She still looked at him, a bit skeptical which made him chuckle to avoid the awkwardness building inside him. He felt like he was being caught doing something he was banned from.

"Are you sure? When I was coming out of the shop I saw you staring at the same place for a long time." She definitely saw him staring longingly at something or she was just being delusional. How wouldn't she when she knew he wasn't hers in first place.

"Haeun it's really nothing okay. I was just thinking at that time. Let me drop you home." he held her hand as he guided her towards her home. The walk was silent as compared to the other walks they have taken together. Both of them had some or the other thing occupying their mind.

"Will you stay the night?" Haeun asked not sure about his answer as she hugged him goodbye, it was worth a try though.

"I've a schedule in the morning." he smiled apologetically at her as he ruffled her hair when she pouted. "I can stop for an hour or so though." her face lit up after hearing those words from his mouth. He was always so busy with his schedules that even an hour more was more than enough to make her this happy. She pulled his hands and dragged him inside her house.

Haeun was preparing food for both of them since she insisted that it was getting late and she knew he would skip the meal to rest more. Joshua watched her from the door frame before making his way towards the counter opposite to where she was working.

He took in her form, how she softly hummed her favorite song while doing cooking, how she would hop to get things far away from her reach, how she had a habit of blowing her hairs out of her face. He adorn her with all of his heart and then his eyes landed on the permanent black band on her forearm and his smile faded.

She was one of Minghao's close friend and that's how Joshua met her. He enjoyed her company and so did she, it wasn't far enough when they started dating, Minghao was reluctant at first about the whole dating thing not because he didn't support two of his close friend but because Joshua was bound to someone else and Haeun wouldn't ever be able to meet the person she was bound to cause he died even before she could meet him.

She was one close friend Minghao had aside from his idol life and he tried to talk it out but Joshua and Haeun already started growing more fond of each other to even make sense out of Minghao's talking. Joshua genuinely felt for her and he cared about her a lot. No one knew her more better than him which made Minghao step back and let the two do whatever they wanted.

Joshua was the kind of person who would let his feelings take control of him and don't think of the long run and that's why he wasn't sure how to feel about you now that you kind of came into his life. He knew universe would make you two cross paths till you actually meet and he didn't know how to feel about that.

He promised Haeun that he will be there for her forever and he would always dodged her question about his soulmate so he didn't actually have to answer her and always went on with the classic 'they aren't in my life and we will see about it afterward'. He was a coward he knew but he was so sure that he was going to be in Haeun's life forever until he saw you and now he saw you everywhere.

Unconsciously he would imagine how it would be like if you were cooking meals for him instead of Haeun or how you would laugh at his jokes instead of Haeun. The idea itself seemed so endearing for him but it broke his heart at the same time. Someone was going to get hurt in the end and he didn't have the guts to break Haeun after all she has been in her life. But you didn't deserve the heartbreak too. You may have look up to being with your soulmate since the time you got your mark and it wasn't your fault it was him.

He totally blamed himself and his spontaneous life decisions. He blamed himself for always going with the flow instead of thinking it through. He blamed himself for not listening to Minghao and this all things came into his mind after only staring at you for like 5 minutes. He wasn't sure how much his heart was gonna betray him if you actually come and talk with him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" her question made him startled since he was zoned out and she laughed at him. He laughed with her and help her with the serving as they began eating. He can always think about the outcome afterwards.

"When will you be free next time?" Haeun asked as she waved goodbye to Joshua after the dinner.

"Maybe after two or three weeks I'm not sure of the schedule. I'll let you know." he smiled as he got in the car waiting for him infront of her doorstep.

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Seoul was treating you way better than you had imagine. It's been a little more than a year since you came to Korea as an intern and the life was pretty amazing considering you always wanted to be independent. Seoul wasn't new for you, some of your friends worked here and you had compeleted your high school here before going overseas for the college.

This wasn't your first winter here but it was late winter inclining more towards spring when you first put your foot in Seoul, so now that you were experiencing the winter form the start, you realised how magical it was.

You got up from your bed keeping the track of time. You were going to meet one of your high-school friend whom you met during the time you were returning from your workshop. It's been a while since you last contacted her but you did remember her as someone whom you were really close with during your high school time. She helped you in adjusting a lot and made high-school easier for you.

Generally you didn't like people of your past inviting themselves in your present cause you always wanted to have a totally different lifestyle without caring of your past. You kept only selective people in your life and other were just some part of your past which you wanted to keep the same forever. But she wasn't someone you would cut off from. She had done a lot for you to do that. And you both knew each other better but busy college life forced you two to separate but you were happy to finally meet her.

You had been spending the last week with her and she told you a lot about her current life, her work, her new hobbies, her boyfriend everything and it made you really happy that she found someone for her. When you were in high school and you got your soulmark she was devastated to find out her soulmate was dead and it was really hard to handle her at that time but with time she just accepted that fact preaching that she was happy that at least one among you two was going to have their happy ending.

Your phone rang from your nightstand and you took a leap to dive towards it and smiled when her name popped up, Jung Haeun, before you could pick up the call she hung up. You were going to call her back when you noticed she had left a message for you which you didn't read and maybe that's why she missed call you.

"Sorry babe, I'll be running late since I don't have a ride so if you don't mind will you come pick me up at the central building. I'm here with my boyfriend, I'll introduce him to you at the same time. Whatcha say?"

You replied a quick yes to her and that you'll be there in 30 minutes and got up from the bed to get dress and head out. You were just planning to wear your jeans and jacket and go but now that she was introducing her boyfriend to you the least you could do was look presentable you thought. And got out of the house towards where Haeun was.

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You parked your car, taking your purse and sliding it up on your shoulder you got out of the car and locked it. You sighed calming your nerves, you had social anxiety and meeting even a single new person was a great task for you. Haeun was going to be there and she knows about it so it will be fine, you muttered to no one in particular.

You started walking towards the building, glancing a bit here and there to see if Haeun was around or even a mere silhouette of a girl with a boy beside her. You were looking straight as you felt a tug on your left ring finger making you stop abruptly in your spot. It was the first time you had felt the tug and your breathe hitched. You spun around on your heels towards the direction of the tug and you saw a boy around 5'10 height head towards your direction with his eyes locked on his left hand and his other hand holding a water bottle.

Sweat started forming on your hands and forehead, you didn't know what to do at this point, the thought of meeting Haeun and her boyfriend being completely abandoned from your head as your feet started moving in his direction. He looked up finally locking his eyes with your. His eyes widened, he wasn't expecting to meet you here out of all the places and times. You smiled at him wanting to take another step towards him when Haeun's voice called your name.

Your eyes followed her as she appeared from behind the boy locking her hand in one of his arm and smiling at him. She left his hands and walked towards you stepping in front of you to engulf you in a tight hug. You smiled at her, confusion laced on your face as you hug her back as tightly as possible.

You look towards the boy again as you gently rub circle on your ring finger with your thumb a habit you had picked on since the time you got that string attached on your finger, you gulped as you faintly assumed that your soulmate was Haeun's boyfriend, you wanted that to be false. You pulled the string to make sure you didn't assume someone else as your soulmate. Maybe you had a misunderstanding, but all of your doubts vanished when you saw his left hand's ring finger moving along with the pull.

"You are right on time." Haeun smiled as she let go off you, holding your hand as she dragged you towards him, finally introducing you two. "And this is Hong Jisoo or you can call him Joshua."

You smiled awkwardly at him, your throat suddenly dry and all the words jumbling inside your head as you blanking took in what's happening. You felt Haeun nudge you startling you a bit as you saw his extended hand. You gulped before reaching forward to held his hand in a firm handshake biting your lips slightly due to the wild emotions you were currently feeling.

"Excuse her, she' gets a little awkward while meeting new people but once you know her she's a sunshine." Haeun laughed proceeding to tell him about how you two became friends. You three were currently inside a cafe which wasn't crowded at all.

"Yah you two aren't talking much, why am I the only one talking?" Haeun complained crossing her arms across her chest and glared at both of you. How were you supposed to be all happy when you find out your soulmate was dating your one of the closest friend whom you cared about the most and from the stories you have heard about her, he didn't have any plan of leaving her.

"Well that's because you are the common ground here so you have to do the most talking." you smiled at her as you put both of your hands on your lap and clutch them tightly together. How were you supposed to get through this. The whole meeting was nothing but awkward. After sometime even Haeun could tell the tension between you and Joshua hadn't faded even though she thought it would as the time goes on. Joshua's face was full of guilt/ sympathy or a mix of both you couldn't tell.

Haeun told you how she met him and everything else which she didn't tell in the last one week. She informed you about him being an idol and told you to be cautious while spilling his name in front of anyone else. "She's the only one aside from Minghao whom I trust the most and I'm sure she will never do anything which will put your career or me in danger." she explained Joshua referring about you keeping their relationship as a secret. He nodded at her and smiled in your direction. You looked towards your empty plate silently praying for this to get over soon since you could feel your emotions taking a toll on you.

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"Shua Hyung, are you even listening?" Soonyoung asked as he look towards Joshua from the mirror of their dance practice room. Joshua locked his eyes with the younger one who was clearly frustrated with his lack of attention during the practice.

"Is something bothering you or what, you seemed to be losing your focus more from these past weeks. You keep on zoning out." Jeonghan said referring to the countless of time Chan had to separately teach him some moves because he couldn't remember due to him zoning out.

"I'm sorry. I will make sure this won't happen again." Joshua replied as he sighed.

"I think we should call it a day and practice tomorrow. I'm tired and it will be great for Shua too rest for sometime. I think he has a lot in his mind right now." Seungcheol said with everyone nodding and retrieving back to get their things and head towards their dorm room.

Minghao looked at Joshua as he packed his bag, his mind wondering if anything had happened in between Joshua and Haeun. They aren't the one to fight, they always talk their problems out and Joshua was never the one to lose his focus during their practices unlike now.

"Are things getting wrong with Haeun?" Minghao asked as both of them stopped and asked the other members to go ahead. The older just sighed, feeling quite a burden on his shoulders as he stood in front of Minghao. The younger had stopped him countless of time telling him to not get so close with his friend cause he knew well that if Joshua's soulmate would make an appearance someone would eventually get hurt. But Joshua didn't listen and he wasn't sure how he was going to tell anyone about the whole thing particularly to Minghao.

"Are you just going to keep on sighing and not say anything?" Minghao asked getting frustrated that Joshua only kept on avoiding having eye contact with him.

"I don't know how to say." Joshua said as he finally shot his head up, biting his lips and internally trying to form a correct way to let the things inside him out. He knew he had to tell someone and have their advice otherwise he would get crazy bottling up his feelings like that. He decided to tell everything to Minghao. He seems to be the right one given that he was the one to knock some sense into him from the starting.

"Just say it. There's always a solution to every problem."

Minghao took in the way Joshua was getting more nervous the more he got closer to explain. At other times Joshua would just come and rant about his problem and get done with it. Did he do something so terrible that he can't say anything about it? It wasn't like Joshua.

"Did you perhaps met your soulmate?" the question left Minghao's mouth even before he could think about it shocking both himself and Joshua. But the former didn't even need an answer to confrim as Joshua look down towards his feet, his shoulders slumping down.

"I'm sorry." were the only word that left his mouth as he look towards Minghao. Joshua didn't know how Minghao was going to react. He knew that the younger one was going to be very angry. But he couldn't lie to him, he was not only his friend but a family too.

"Why are you apologising me? I told you this was going to happen. Did you tell Haeun about this?" there wasn't any point in getting angry, it would require too much stress and energy and Minghao knew better than letting anger take a toll on himself.

"I didn't. How can I? I don't want to hurt her after all she has gone through but I can't get the hurt clearly evident in my soulmate's eyes when she found out I'm dating Haeun. And Haeun doesn't have the slightest idea about it." Joshua sighed for the umpteenth time.

"Wait. Your soulmate knows you are dating Haeun? When did all of this escalated so quickly? You found your soulmate and she knew about your relationship even when you are an idol and your relationship is kept a secret?"

"No. Actually I saw her few weeks ago for the first time but I was with Haeun and I didn't even think of making an effort to approach her. Then after I drop Haeun home she asked when I have my next schedule and I told her about it." Joshua spoke eyeing Minghao from time to time. Minghao just motioned him to finish his whole story.

"The next day she informed about meeting with her high school friend who was with her during the time she found out about her soulmate's death. She told me so much about her so I asked her if I could meet her since she played such a big role in her life and surprisingly she said that she would like if we both met and we did. But it turned out that her close friend was my soulmate."

Joshua finished as Minghao just blinked, his brain taking a while to process the information. "She didn't utter anything about her being your soulmate to Haeun?" he asked. Joshua shook his head.

"She knows Haeun's situation and they were pretty close. She didn't even make an effort to even show that I was her soulmate. She just sat there blankly but we had a brief moment before Haeun showed up and I knew she was more than happy to finally find her soulmate before Haeun me as her boy friend and I never once in my life felt so bad about myself."

Minghao nodded, it was no one's fault. Even if he tried, how was his Hyung going to get out of this situation he didn't know.

"When are you going to tell Haeun about her? You soon have to break up with her."

"I'm not going to tell her about this."

Minghao groaned, exactly what was going on Joshua's mind to even say that. "So you are going to date your soulmate behind her back?" Minghao's question threw him off guard as Joshua shook his head vigorously.

"See my soulmate is already very hurt and although this is going to be painful for both of us, she is already hurt. Both of us can't afford to hurt Haeun. I'm sure she will understand my decision. I've promised Haeun I'll be with her. I'm going to keep my words. I know this is impulsive and I don't know what will happen in the future but I care too much for Haeun to hurt her. Someone was going to get hurt because of me in the end, it just wasn't confirmed who but since my soulmate is already hurt then I'll let that be."

"You can't do that with her. You can't hurt her. I'll not allow you to do so." Minghao and Joshua's eyes widened as they took in the site of Haeun standing near their practice room's door which was opened fully. The members must have left it just like that.

"How long were present?" Joshua asked as Haeun took long steps to come near the two boys who were deeply discussing.

"Long enough to know what's the fuss is all about." Haeun replied as she wiped her tears away. She was heartbroken but she knew this day would come and although she had been mentally preparing herself for this day it still hurt like hell. But you didn't deserve what Joshua planning to give you. She didn't want to be selfish and steal away your share of happiness. She remembered about the things you did for her and she thought of this as a payback of all the things you had done for her. Joshua wasn't her in the first place but she was going to make sure that you not end up like her.

"Haeun listen, I know all of this is effecting you negatively and I know she's your friend but we will get through it okay. I'm not leaving you. I swear you don't have to worry." Joshua said as he cupped her cheeks. Haeun shook her head clearly in denial.

"You are once again being impulsive Joshua. Why don't you just sit down and think through about the situation than going with the flow. I want you to think of yourself and your happiness for once."

At this rate both of them had started crying and Minghao excused himself informing both of them that he will head to the dorms as he felt like he was invading their privacy.

"Haeun I can't hurt you. I promised you I will keep you happy."

"Joshua listen to me......"

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

You were leaned against your kitchen counter as you waited for the water to boil. The countless days of crying left your throat sore. The emotional pain you were going through was actually starting to physically hurt you to the point you even search if people could die from a heartbreak.

You called in sick and the company you were currently working for allowed you to have some rest. At least the universe was letting you mourn properly. Your friends and Haeun did contact you but you just declined all of that saying you just needed some time alone.

You let the water cool down a bit before drinking it, immediately wincing at the sensation it created when you drink it. You got out of kitchen and headed towards your bed again. You had been inside the house for so long that even your own bedroom started to feel a little too boring for your like.

You plopped yourself lazyly on your stomach holding the pillow close to you as you let your mind wonder. Haeun looked so in love. You never once imagined you will meet your soulmate in such circumstances. He didn't try to contact you after what happened, may his love for Haeun was more than your bond. It wasn't his fault that he was bound to you, he had the right to reject you as his soulmate but that would happen only if both of you genuinely wanted to break the bond and you knew you were far from rejecting him.

Within these days thanks to your curious nature you found out more about him and his group. His music and voice was enough to calm your heart at the same time hurting you because you knew it belonged to someone else.

You couldn't imagine yourself being selfish enough to hurt Haeun and steal Joshua from her, if Joshua even wanted to be with you. You really wanted Haeun to be happy and she was. How will she react if she finds out her boyfriend is your soulmate? Will she be selfish and be with him still? Or talk it out with him to get back to you?

Fate had its own way and if you were fated with him, there was a reason to it. Maybe at the end of the road if you wait enough for him, he will come back to you?

Your thoughts were interrupted back as the ringing of your doorbell filled your ears. Your ring finger felt the tuck but you weren't sure about it. He couldn't be here not when he didn't want to show himself up after your meet. You weren't expecting anyone at this hour but you found yourself heading towards the door anyway. The bell rang again making you frustrated as you open the door without looking at the peephole.

"Joshua..." you looked at him, you weren't expecting him to even show up at your door step. He didn't even know your number. But before you could ask him to come inside the house he stepped in front of you stopping you mid sentence as he circled his one arm around you closing the door with his other.

You put your hands on his shoulder, unable to keep up your balance as he abruptly came so close to you. Bringing his other hand, he placed it on your nape taking a deep breath in leaned in pressing his lips on yours. Your eyes widened and you stood there stiff.

You felt his hand rub your back up and down to calm your nerves and he sighed in relief when he felt you visibly relax under him, finally kissing him back. The kiss was gentle both of you just enjoying the feeling of it. You didn't know what was happening but you didn't mind being this close with him. You didn't know if you ever were going to be this close to him so even if right now he was out of his mind, you mind didn't mind savoring this moment. You encircled your arms around his neck pulling him more closely.

He groaned but pulled away from the kiss, breathlessly looking at you. He removed the strands of hair out of your face before pecking your lips lightly.

You studied his face, he looked tired. His dark circle prominent and he was sweaty. His eyes were blood shot red, he was crying cause after crying for days you knew how the eyes looked like. You were sure yours weren't any different than his.

"Why are you here?" the question wasn't supposed to be this rude for the listener but you found yourself wincing at your own tone. "I didn't mean it in a rude way." you quickly added as you pushed yourself away from him.

"Am I not supposed to be here?" he asked tilting his head to the side and raise his eyebrows at you.

"It isn't like that." you said a bit too quickly for your liking and look away in embarrassment when you heard him chuckle.

"I'm here because of you, for you." he replied immediately looking down as you faced him. He knew he would once again kiss you senseless if he stared in your direction for long.

"What about Haeun? Did you tell her about us being soulmates?" us, the word itself sent tingles down his body. He like that us consisted of you and him. He liked the sound of that. No he liked the sound of your voice.

"She came to know about it." he said finally looking up and watching horror painted on your face.

"Then why are you here and not consoling her? Is she okay?" you asked him confused. Was she angry? Did she felt bad? Was she hurt? Were the words you wanted to ask but one at a time you didn't want to bombard him with so many questions.

"Relax. She was the one who helped me to figure out who I want to be with. She was right. I shouldn't get impulsive. When she asked me to be selfish for one time I couldn't even think about anything else than run to you. Without you, I can't imagine anything. Sure we don't know each other that well but I felt like I know you since eternity when you held my hand and I want nothing more than for you to keep on holding it till our last breath."

You smiled as tears ran down your face. It must have been so difficult for her but she still was the same Haeun from high school. He stepped forward engulfing him in a hug. You had him, you were more than happy.

"I'll always be there for you. You can lean on me now." he said as he kissed your forehand and rock you back and forth slowly.

"I'll always be there for you too."

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

"It was hard without you, the thoughts of being alone scared me. So I spent my time foolishly, didn't even know how the time way passing. I didn't know anything. Even if it's hard, you don't have to be alone."

[takamakisu]

Connected

This is a super indulgent fanfic where Mishima actually gets treated nicely by Akira and Co. so whoooo-

Being the admin of the Phan-Site, while a job of passion, was extremely tiring. Mishima spent many sleepless nights banning trolls, replying to comments, and creating forums. Life became a routine: go to school, do homework, manage the Phan-Site. Visit the shops, manage the Phan-Site. Eat, while managing the Phan-Site. Take a nap. Phan-Site. Phan-Site. 

Phan-Site.

Phan-Site.

Phan-Site.

His fingers flew like spider's legs over the keyboard of his phone and laptop, determined to carry the little world that he had created on his shoulders like a modern day Atlas. The Phantom Thieves needed him, he HAD to help them, he had to he had to-

Some jerk was going off about how the Phantom Thieves were "immoral" and "a danger to justice. Mishima automatically moved his finger to ban another troublemaker, then squinted at the username. 

DetectivePrince???

Mishima blinked once, twice, and belatedly realized that Goro Akechi himself was on his site, wanting to start an argument about the moral ethics of the Phantom Thieves. A ghost of a smile flickered across Yuuki's lips, and instead of banning, he clicked the "reply" button instead. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity, why not humor it? After letting Akechi have it, an argument between the two ensues. Other users joined the fray and laughed at the detective prince, and Mishima smugly banned the annoying, stuck up guy once he'd had his fun. What a moron. Felt good, to finally be in control.

Unfortunately, Mishima hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, and he bumped into the door of the cafeteria, shaking himself to bring his surroundings to standstill. A mild blush painted itself over his cheeks and he looked around nervously to see if anybody had noticed- and of course they had. They were hiding their mouths behind their hands with shaking shoulders, and Yuuki felt a wave of irritation wash over. "Oh yeah, sure, laugh!" he snapped. "Don't you guys have anything better to do?" In a huff, he entered the cafeteria, then stationed himself at a table in the back, as always. And as always, he kept an eagle eye on the Phan-Site. It was the last thing he checked before sleeping (if he slept at all) and the first thing he looked over in the morning. The days began to blur together, and tired became his neutral state of being. But he kept at it, because they needed him, and he needed to be needed. It was the only thing he had going for him, only thing that made him worth something..

Another day at a table alone in the cafeteria, and Mishima blinked somewhat blearily at his phone, scrolling through threads as words began to blur together. And then suddenly, his device was swiped away, and the boy looked up absolutely flabbergasted into the bespectacled face of Akira Kurusu. "Hey," Yuuki cried when the shock wore off, eyebrows furrowing. "That's mine. Give it back!" He reached for it, but Akira held it up higher, and irritation erupted in Mishima's chest. Shooting up from his chair, he angrily stared the other brunet down and leaped for his phone, clawing at it desperately. "Stop it!!!!!!" 

"You are absolutely obsessed with this thing," Kurusu replied calmly, his tenor voice mellow as he kept the phone just out of reach. "Every time I see you, your face is buried in it. When was the last time you slept?" he demanded, eyes narrowing. The anger was shocked away, and Yuuki merely stared, unable to formulate a response. "You don't even remember, do you Mishima?" he frowned. Students were watching them now, mouths and eyes wide open. 

"Why do you care?" Yuuki challenged, anger washing over again. "Just give me back my phone. I need it," he hollered, and his voice broke and his vision began to blur as he reached up and up and up but it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough.

"Why do you need it, Mishima?"

"Because I have to run the Phan-Site and if I don't have my phone, I can't do that!!" Yuuki's voice shot up into the higher ranges to the point he was almost shrieking, and hot tears began to leak out of his eyes and he hated it, he hated it so much. Why couldn't people just leave him alone?! "GIVE IT BACK, I SWEAR TO GOD-"

Akira grabbed his shoulders and shook him mildly, grey eyes stormy. "STOP IT."  Mishima was stunned into silence, and his chest heaved. "Do you see what this thing-" and he held up the phone- "is DOING to you? You're so consumed with it that it's become like a part of you and you don't even know who you are without it anymore. The Phan-Site is not going to crash and burn if you're not there for one day. It is going to be fine. You, on the other hand, are running yourself into the GROUND. Do you ever take any time to yourself? Outside of this??"

Silence.

"This is an intervention, Mishima," Akira declared. "You are going to take better care of yourself. And I won't take no for an answer." With that, he pocketed the phone, and Yuuki stared hollowly, eyes and cheeks red from tears. "Now, come on."

"Huh? Where are we going?"

"You're coming to sit with me." Whispers began to rise like winds, and Kurusu turned on his heel to go back to his table. Mishima moved to follow him, but his surroundings became hazy and he stumbled, unbalanced. When did everything start moving….?

"Ngh-" 

"Mishima?"

He was falling. The next thing he knew he was in Akira's arms, and the whispers had gotten louder. "What's the matter?" Kurusu asked, concern heavy. Yuuki didn't answer. His head felt like somebody had stuffed it full of cotton, and he couldn't think straight. "Okay, um," the taller boy stammered, "let's just..let's go to the nurse, yeah?" Putting Mishima's arm around his shoulder, the duo made their way to the nurse's office. Thankfully Yuuki wasn't ill, merely overtired, and he drifted off after a few minutes. When he came to, Akira was back. "Mornin' sleepyhead. Time to go."

"Go?" Mishima echoed, turning his head towards Akira. "Go where?"

"Home. Classes are over for the day."

The shorter boy shot up like a rocket, eyes huge. "WHAT?! I slept that long!?" 

"Sure did. You gotta take better care of yourself," was the calm reply, and Mishima felt a prickle of shame. "And since you passed out before eating lunch, dinner's on me." Through the sea of people they walked to Leblanc, and Akira grabbed two plates of curry, setting one in front of Mishima. "Oh, I almost forgot," he said, "I got your phone still. Eat up, and then you can have it back." Yuuki began to eat quietly, and Akira did as well, comfortable with the silence. After a few minutes, Mishima put his fork down, surroundings blurring again, and bit his lip, burying his face in his arms.

"Woah, hey," the messy haired boy gasped. "What are you crying for? I knew Boss's curry was good, but I didn't know it was that good-"

"Why do you care?" Yuuki choked, scrubbing at his eyes. "Nobody else does. Not my parents, not anybody in the school, so why do- it's my fault your record was leaked it's my fault people hate you, Kurusu!" 

"Mishima, that wasn't your fault," Akira said firmly. "Stop taking burdens that aren't yours to carry. I don't hold that against you, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Yuuki muttered, because he didn't know what else to do, or say.

"It's not your fault. And to answer your question, I care because it's what friends do."

"..friends?" Mishima whispered, looking up incredulously.

"Yup, you're my friend now. So you're stuck with me. Whoohoo!" Akira grinned, and in spite of himself, Yuuki grinned back, weakly. 

"You're a great guy, you know that?"

"Nah. I'm just doin' the right thing."

"Sounds like something a Phantom Thief would say," Mishima replied with a knowing smile, and Kurusu's eyes widened slightly. "You thought you were subtle? I know that was you. I'll bet Sakamoto and Takamaki are in on it too. But don't worry! I swear not to tell a soul. That's what friends do, yeah?" he nodded, going back to his curry. "They keep‎ secrets." Akira nodded in reply. 

"Thanks for being our biggest supporter. Just remember to take care of yourself, too." 

After eating, Mishima went home, feeling significantly lighter, and he realized as he stepped inside he'd left his phone with Kurusu. 

….oh well. He'd be okay. He had a lot to think about, anyway.

The next day, Yuuki plodded along to school, and during lunchtime began to make his way to his regular seat. But a gentle hand to his wrist stopped him in his tracks. "Hey," a feminine voice said, and he looked up into Ann Takamaki's baby blues. 

"Takamaki-san??"

"Come sit with us," she went on, gesturing with her head towards the table with Sakamoto and Kurusu. "Nobody should be sitting alone!" 

Mishima blinked twice. "I don't wanna be a bother or anything-"

"You're not. Come on, silly!" Ann chirped, pulling him along to where her friends were gathered. Ryuji grinned at him from ear to ear, toothily. 

"Hey man! What's up?" 

"I'm...good?" Mishima ventured, hesitantly taking a seat. "Thanks for letting me sit with you guys, Takamaki-san."

"Just call me Ann!" she smiled, and he nodded, slowly. 

"Oh, uh- alright." 

Lunch was nice, and Mishima felt wanted for once. After it was over, he stood to go, but Ann tapped his shoulder. "Hey."

"What?"

"What's your cell? So we can keep in touch." 

"Oh uh..I don't have my phone on me."

"Really?" Ryuji questioned, eyebrows raised. "That thing's so attached to you it's like it's your girlfriend or something," he joked, playfully punching the brunet in the arm. Wordlessly, Akira passed Mishima his device, face set. A beat.

"Wait, why do YOU have-"

"Intervention."

"Ohhh," the blondes chorused, nodding and muttering in understanding. "So, Mishima," Ryuji went on, "I'm thinking about going to the arcade after school. You wanna come with?" 

Yuuki's grin is soft but full. "That sounds fun, Sakamoto. I'd love to."

"Ay man no need to be all formal and all that. Jus' call me Ryuji."

"Ah- okay Ryuji."

"Oh, hey!" Ann piped up, pulling out her 3DS, "Almost forgot to check on my town."

"You play Animal Crossing?!" Mishima cried excitedly, then shrank in embarrassment "Ah, sorry. I just- um."

But Ann just grinned at him. "Sure do! Wanna exchange friend codes?"

"What's so excitin' about picking fruit and talkin' to animals, anyways?" Ryuji wondered. "I don't get it."

"It's relaxing!" Ann huffed, puffing up her cheeks. Mishima nodded in agreement. 

"Yeah. The guy who created the game actually did so because he missed his family and he wanted the player to experience a sense of community," he explained, moving his hands as he talked. "It's helped a lot of people feel like they had somewhere to belong, if only for a while. You actually get closer to your villagers the more you talk to them too, and- they basically become like your friends!" He's rambling, and Mishima goes quiet, embarrassed again. "Um. Yeah."

"Huh. That's pretty cool," Ryuji nodded, and Yuuki grinned. 

Ann exchanged friend codes and phone numbers, and Mishima felt ten pounds lighter for the rest of the day. The arcade was really fun too, and the four of them went out to eat afterwards and by the time it was time to go home, Yuuki was tired, but in the best way. 

...he still hadn't checked the Phan-Site. Pulling it up, he was surprised to see that a post had been made by him, with several replies. 

Hey guys! I'm not going to be quite as active for a little while, I've been super tired lately. I'll still be here of course, but I need some time to recuperate. ~Admin

To his shock, an overwhelming amount of the replies were positive. 

That's OK! Take care of yourself! 

Your health comes first man no sweat

get some rest king u deserve it 

He's crying again. Maybe people really did care. Maybe he really didn't have to put every waking moment into this. 

..but who got into his account? His phone had a password so somebody must've hacked it to- 

He'd have to thank Futaba later. For now, he was going to bed. Akira was right. It wouldn't die if he wasn't there 24/7, and he had friends now; people who cared about him. Pulling up the group chat, he sent a text:

hey guys! i had a great time today. thanks for everything. 

Three dots appeared, and then Ryuji replied.

 [no prob bro]

[we shud hang out more]

Ann was next. 

[yw! we had a good time too :)]

And then Akira.

[nbd

im going to bed now gn]

[good night!]

Mishima put his phone away and drifted off, looking forward to school for the first time in a very long time. Life wasn't magically sunshine and rainbows now, but with 3 new friends, it was going to be a lot easier.

[spiritroots]

Hi Yejide. Recently, I've been feeling a calling to explore root workin' and ancestral veneration. I've been raised Baptist and still maintain a relationship with Christ, but lately I've just been feeling this internal pull to honor my ancestors. I don't know exactly how or where to start. My entire life, I've been raised to believe that doing any kind of root work is witchcraft and inherently evil. How did you decolonize your mind and break out of that fear?

Hi anon (: Welcome to the struggle! I’m happy for you that you’re feeling the ancestral call, and I hope some of this very long response (+1.4k words, I counted lmao) is helpful in one way or another. 

First off, I want to emphasize a couple different things. For one, hoodoo/rootwork is NOT the same as witchcraft at all. It can be overlapped with witchcraft and/or it can be referred to as a form of witchcraft by black folks who wish to call it that, which is a perfectly valid, personal terminology choice. However, historically, rootwork/hoodoo derives from the various ATRs (African traditional religions) that were practiced by black slaves brought to the US. 

ATRs are not witchcraft either, they are traditional religions practiced by peoples indigenous to Africa that deserve the same amount of respect as any other religion in the world. The negative stereotypes about them are based on racism and attempts to dehumanize African peoples and their descendants in the diaspora who practiced their ancestral traditions. Any time you start to slip into that way of thinking about ATRs, remind yourself that they are religions as deserving of respect as any other religion.

Most African slaves in the US were forced to practice various denominations of Protestant Christianity and abandon their traditional religions or face severe punishments - even death. Hoodoo/rootwork is largely the result of many different practices and beliefs from ATRs combined together and syncretized with Christianity. It is a folk magic tradition that was developed not only during slavery but also largely within the black church. The ties between hoodoo and Christianity are very deep. You don’t have to be Christian to practice rootwork, but it’s not at all un-Christian to practice it either if that’s something you’re interested in doing. (Since you mentioned you still maintain a relationship with Jesus, I figured that might be something you’d wanna look into.)

The majority of traditional rootworkers in the US have always been and still are Protestant Christian. It’s traditional in hoodoo to pray to Jesus during workings, and it’s said that Moses himself was the very first rootworker in history. Why? Because the original Christian rootworkers viewed rootwork as powerful prayers, asking for the help of God to heal, protect, and sometimes issue divine judgment. Hoodoo wasn’t traditionally seen as witchcraft at all, and in fact, has long been used as a method for fighting against witchcraft. Many of the most respected and famous rootworkers in history were also preachers and pastors. Some consider being a good church-going Christian as a pre-requisite to being a rootworker. The Bible itself, especially the Book of Psalms, is traditionally viewed as a powerful source of hoodoo magic.

Now, I’m not sure if you were already aware of any of this or if this information is helpful to you, but I think it’s important for anyone studying hoodoo to understand this side of its history whether you want to connect with these aspects of it or not. If you’re curious at all about my personal journeys of dealing with Christian views on witchcraft and also decolonization within my magic and religious practices, see the mini-novel I ended up writing at 3 am for this ask under the read more line below 😂😂😂

[ Ask me anything ] [ Buy me a coffee ] [ Spirit Roots Shop ] [ About Me ]

It took me about a solid ten years to get to where I am now with decolonizing my mind and breaking out of Christianity-related fears around magic practices. I’ll still always be in the process of decolonization for the rest of my life, but within the past few years, I’ve made some big strides that I’m very proud of for myself. As I hope most of my followers know, I’m not a witch and don’t identify as one for personal and historical + cultural reasons within the context of Africana traditions. BUT that being said, for much of my life I did identify as a witch and actively study witchcraft for a very long time.

I declared myself a Wiccan at the age of thirteen, which was inspired by watching Charmed, yes, but that didn’t lessen the seriousness of it for me as being an actual religious path and practice I wanted to commit myself to. Being an only child who told my very liberal parents everything, I quickly confessed this to them expecting acceptance and happiness for me. Unfortunately, their Christian knee-jerk reaction alongside concerns about a thirteen-year-old learning about witchcraft, fertility rites, and sex-related rituals was enough for them to give me an ultimatum to stop being both a Wiccan and a witch.

That sent me deep into secrecy about it for around a solid 8 years or so - essentially all the way through high school until I had more independence in college. During that whole time, I always felt like I was genuinely a witch and Wiccan and no other religion fit me, but I was too scared to practice because of my parents’ reaction and them having “banned” it. I remember that constant longing mixed with fear of being a witch in my heart while feeling like it would never actually be accepted by anyone in my life.

During college, I finally realized that I could practice it more actively without worrying about my parents anymore. I remember going through all the stages of testing the waters with that, the ex-Christian pangs of guilt and intrigue, the concerns about what Drew and my friends would think and then being the cool and edgy witchy friend after finally mustering the courage to tell them. It was like I could finally be who I always knew that I was inside, but it had required a long process of unraveling the shame and the guilt and the fear, too.

Now, to be totally honest with you, I wouldn’t consider ANY of that decolonization. That was really just my journey of breaking away from a mostly Christian upbringing (my Jewish roots didn’t really play an anti-witchcraft role at all tbh) and finding the freedom to more openly be a witch and deepen my practice of witchcraft and of Wicca. Beginning to decolonize for me was a whole other journey that started soon afterward.

Fast forward to after I started studying Wicca in enough depth as a college student that I realized it really wasn’t for me and ended up converting to Buddhism instead. In a roundabout way, it was converting to Buddhism that sent me down a very different path. I was and still am a very devout Buddhist, but even though the buddha dharma is universal, Buddhism as a religion is deeply rooted in Asian cultures which is not a part of my heritage. As my Buddhist practice deepened over time, so did my longing for ancestral traditions and practices. This is what got me started with ancestor work and studying hoodoo, which is what eventually led me to an interest in ATRs and Ifá in particular. Even reconnecting with my Jewish heritage and identity was a part of this journey to tap back into my ancestral practices and spirituality.

The more I learned about these Africana traditions, the further away I got from Eurocentric ways of thinking about spirituality and magic. Converting to Buddhism from Wicca began my big push away from Eurocentric frameworks, and getting involved with hoodoo and Ifá only cemented that even further for me. Yes, witchcraft can be defined in whatever way one wants so I’m not saying people can’t practice completely non-Eurocentric witchcraft - some people absolutely do that. But for me personally, leaving the concept of “witchcraft” and the identity of “witch” behind completely was even more liberating than reconnecting with it in the first place had ever been. This was a huge part of my personal decolonization process for many different reasons.

That’s all a very long story and explanation, but that’s essentially my point. It can literally take decades to undergo the personal journeys necessary for unraveling and growing beyond what you were raised to believe and what society impresses upon you. Growing up in a very Christian household and in a Western society that enmeshes you in Eurocentric ways of thinking makes it extremely difficult because that’s all your surrounded by for most of your life. 

Unfortunately, there’s no handbook or manual guide for all this. It’s very challenging and difficult. One thing I wish I had had more of through all of it was support from role models and mentors to understand better where I was going and where I wanted to end up. Maybe if I had, these journeys might have been a bit shorter and smoother. If you can, find communities and mentors who can help you grow, but also always listen to your instincts and your own intuition. I wish you the best of luck on your way