#anyhow: this was fun although there might not be enough Dad Skills for some and that's okay

[nehswritesstuffs]

Whouffaldi- 12’s chaos and shenanigans with Clara’s students. Clara discovering his “lecturer skills” and the fact that he’s amazing with kids ( a quality she finds very attractive )

Of course she finds this extremely attractive—it had her making eyes at him in episodes such as Into the Forest of the Night and Listen (it was less apparent in Eleven’s run, due to seeing what was more his “fun uncle” or “weird granddad” side then), as well as part of what I’m certain drew her towards Danny. Clara’s got a thing for them Dad Skills.

3474 words; takes place in some vaguey-vague s9 setting because I don’t feel like resurrecting Danny just for them to butt heads over this (I’ll do it one day, just not regarding this prompt); has a small sliver of what I imagine Twelve’s lectures at St. Luke’s was like: sort of multidisciplinary and rambling and always a wee bit interpretive, all in the same session; wasn’t originally going to turn into porn, but ended up turning into porn, in your honor I suppose, since we likely all have a need for it in these trying times; I’m just so tired right now you guys and I’m very glad to have prompts like this to help me get through the workday so thank you

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Things would really be leagues calmer at her job if she didn’t have to worry about the Doctor butting in all the time, Clara surmised. She cringed as she heard a muffled crashing sound coming from the corridor, completely disrupting her otherwise peaceful prep period.

“I’m going to strangle him so hard he regenerates.”

Clara stood and walked out of her empty classroom and a few steps down the corridor to where she could look out onto the courtyard. There, just as she expected, was the Doctor, with a smoldering heap of metal in front of him and several Year Eight and Nines huddled behind him. He lifted his sonic specs and set them atop his head, the corners of his eyes now adding to the immeasurable grin upon his face.

“What are you doing now…?” she asked dully, making certain it was loud enough for them to hear.

“Robotics,” he claimed. “Mister Atif has an excellent grasp of the topic for his particular place in space-time, however, I thought I’d give the kids a little booster demonstration.”

“Alfie? What did he destroy this time?” Clara asked. One of the smaller children popped his head out, still clearly terrified.

“I don’t know, Miss,” the boy said. “It came from his box.”

“Just… stay out of Doctor Smith’s box, okay?” she warned gently. “None of you go in there unless you’re willing to end up like that… whatever that was.” She gestured towards the wreckage that was now being poked at by the Doctor as he properly donned his sonic sunglasses again; the last thing she needed was one of the kids getting into more than they bargained for before they were able to wholly make the decision for themselves.

Something told her though, as she made her way back to her classroom, that she wasn’t going to have much of a problem with that. It would be Mister Coburn, the one who begged her to bring back the Doctor to substitute once again, who would be the one who needed to reassess his choices. Too many more metal corpses of this machine and that, and, well… she wasn’t going to fuss over it. None of it was supposed to be her problem, after all.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It had been a whole week since Mister Atif had to stay home with an extremely nasty bout of the flu.

Granted, commuting by TARDIS was rather convenient, and the Doctor had a whole new set of things to fuss over while she was busy with work, but there was also the problem of worrying over the Time Lord being in charge of Mister Atif’s singular class. Being a retired engineer who took the caretaker position out of sheer boredom, the man had more than enthusiastic when it came to instructing an introductory robotics class when the need arose. It kept something in the school records and administration satisfied and allowed him to share what he loved with a whole new generation of potential engineering fiends. Everyone was generally pleased with the setup, with Mister Atif even enrolling the students in a local competition, for which Missus Atif even made special scarves to commemorate the occasion.

All bets were off now, however.

As they were (luckily) post-competition, the children were restless, which meant that the Doctor’s substitution was almost perfectly-timed. He was originally less-than-thrilled at the prospect of taking on a class—“I don’t have time for puddings that are still setting, Clara”—yet once he was actually presented with the children whom he was in charge of for a few hours each week, his tune seemed to miraculously change.

“I’ve met worse,” he claimed over a curry one evening. He’d fetched it from Hyderabad, since their favorite place in Hoxton was closed for renovations. “Ansar somehow was able to collect the least irritating of those levels and turn them into future scientists.”

“How are you on given-name-terms with Mister Atif when you’ve never supposedly met him?” she frowned.

“I’m allowed to have some secrets, aren’t I?” he wondered. “Just harmless, little ones.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she replied. She gently nudged his shin with her foot, throwing him a flirty glance over her naan that she knew made him weak in the knees. He leaned closer to her and arched an eyebrow in a silent dare.

All he got was a face full of naan and korma instead.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The following day after school, Clara was sitting in the caretaker’s office, waiting to go home. She stopped scrolling through the news feed on her mobile to check the time—the Doctor was extremely late—and rolled her eyes. Considering he should have been done with tidying up well over an hour ago, she slid herself off the table and decided to find him herself, whatever was keeping him be damned.

So she looked… and looked… and looked… nothing. He wasn’t in the courtyard or the assembly hall or the cafeteria or wandering about the science labs (ha; the day he found him poking around there had been a disaster). She was beginning to genuinely worry as she wandered the corridors, her heart skipping a beat as she finally figured out where he was.

“Why weren’t the Romans able to escape? Didn’t they know what was gonna happen?”

Clara recognized the voice as one of the children in the Doctor’s robotics class. She poked her head in a classroom and found the entire group sitting at desks, their attention rapt upon the man at the front of the room. He was drawing on the moveable whiteboard (all the others attached to the wall were already filled), his back to everyone, and did not notice Clara coming in. She stood along the cinderblock and held her finger up to her lips as the students saw her come in—no tattling.

“The main reason is that no one really listened to me,” the Doctor explained. “The other, lesser, reason is that none of the warning devices that you take for granted these days were available at the time, making it so that when there was a slight rumbling, they considered it as the gods being pleased or some other such nonsense like the idiots they were.”

“That’s rather mean,” another student said.

“Sometimes the truth is mean, and the only defense we have against it is something that is just as bad or worse, just in a different way, because there might be no good answers,” the Doctor explained. He turned around, showing that he had just finished roughly mapping out a diagram, and his eyes brightened as he saw the new person in the room. “Clara! How good of you to finally join us!”

“Doctor, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Giving a bit of an additional lesson on robotics—extracurricular and wholly voluntary, of course.”

“That looks like a volcano you just drew.”

He glanced back at the board, then at her, and shrugged. “Tangent.”

“Are you nearly done with this tangent? The kids are not the only ones who need to go home.”

“Ah, yes, fair enough. Please, take a seat as we finish up for the day, Miss Oswald.” She did so, giving him a smirk as she took a seat in the very back of the room. “Now? Where were we?”

“You were saying that the people in Pompeii deserved to die,” the student piped up.

“No, wrong: I said they were idiots,” the Doctor responded, in a tone that was both firm and gentle. He used the whiteboard marker to point and gesture around the room to emphasize his point. “We all die at one point or another, and manner of death isn’t necessarily a good indicator of deservedness.”

“…but they were still idiots.”

“Well, yes. Everyone in this room is an idiot in one way or another. In fact, I myself am a very, very big idiot, and I’ve found that the best remedy for the situation is to understand it.”

“So you’re saying Miss Oswald is an idiot too?”

“No—she is likely the exception to this rule,” he replied, giving the actual educator a quick smile. “Take myself, for example: I am an idiot with a box and a screwdriver, going wherever I please and helping fix things along the way. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I get it wrong, but the key is that I am always trying my best and acutely aware of it. Many people who are rather brilliant overall can be considered idiots… just like many that were there that day at the base of Mount Vesuvius.” A different wee hand went up. “Yes?”

“Would that make ‘idiot’ more like an approximate translation instead of a direct one? Almost metaphorical?”

“That’s a bit closer; make of it what you will.”

“Then are we just using the word wrong?”

The Doctor pondered the answer for a moment, gnawing on the middle knuckle of his left pointer finger. His right hand still held his marker as he used his wrist to support his left elbow. His puzzlement was met with silence from the students, who allowed him his time to think. Clara was rather impressed by the development, as it had taken her a couple years to achieve such levity—while teaching just as serious a subject no less. She studied the Doctor as he wracked his brain, taking in his off-center stance… the crease to his brow… the way his hair moved ever so slightly now that it was getting longer… how the cut of the “substitute caretaker disguise” coat suited him…

She had to stop herself from smacking her own forehead; there are better times to drink him all in, Oswald.

“That I cannot answer,” he finally replied. “It’s a difficult word with many connotations—I do believe that part is up to you.” He then looked at the invisible watch on his wrist—bloody ticking and all—and raised his eyebrows. “Yes, goodness, look at the time. There is a pressure cooker at Miss Oswald’s that needs attention, as well as your homework. Pick a side, if you’re for or against modern art being important, and then write two pages attempting to outline the opposite viewpoint. Remember it’s ‘art that is new’ and not Modern Art as a movement. It’ll be a good exercise and I’ll know if you’re cheating. Due in a week. Ta.”

With a little wave, the Doctor sent the children off without so much as another word. Once the room was only occupied by the two adults, they looked one another in the eyes again, sparks flickering between them despite the distance.

“You handle them well,” Clara noted. “Are you sure you don’t want to come onto payroll and do this full-time? I think I heard one of the governors speak highly of your ability.”

“Chesterwaithe only says such things because he knows what’s good for him,” the Doctor replied. He watched as she stood and approached him, shuddering in anticipation as she did so. After just barely missing him, she walked right past, allowing him to make a full-bodied turn as he followed her to the door and out into the corridor. “It’s a good thing the Human sense of smell is pathetic.”

“Now why’s that?”

“We’ll have to put the stew on low,” he said, his tone almost that of a non-sequitur. He leaned down as they turned to go down a staircase, using the railing as leverage as he lowered his voice into a deep burr, “it’s rolling off you. I’m drowning in it.”

Clara knew exactly what he meant: pheromones.

“Then let’s get you back to the flat so that you can breathe,” she replied. They both knew fully-well that her flat wasn’t what either of them called home, yet it was still where they both lived while the Doctor was playing at caretaker. It was where she was normally, when it was not designated Doctor Days, though the Time Lord and Human both had decided that they would both stay at the flat for the duration of the experiment, out of respect to the TARDIS if anything. Though neither would admit it, it was nearly fun pretending that the flat was where they both belonged, if only because they intrinsically knew better.

Down the stairs, through the corridors, lock up the building, and final rounds were done; the Doctor and Clara made it back to the caretaker’s office with their fingers laced together as they held hands, the contact forbidden while they were in-sight of impressionable young minds and gossipy coworkers. They went into the TARDIS and disjoined long enough for the Doctor to walk over to the console, make the brief jump to the flat, and return to her side.

All he could smell and taste in the air was her and it was driving him appropriately mad.

Two steps over the TARDIS’s threshold, out of their shoes, and the Doctor pulled Clara close, leaning down to kiss her deeply. She eventually broke the contact, inhaling sharply as her voice took on a slight waver.

“Shit. The stew.”

“It won’t be ready for another five hours,” he promised. Ah—a space-and-time jump. “Just making use of Missus King’s rock concert days catching up to her and the fact neither of the Chowdhrys work from home anymore.”

“…and here I thought the way you had the students’ attention was sexy,” she laughed. The TARDIS whirred in irritation and the couple used it as an excuse to move their operations elsewhere. Bending slightly at the knees, the Doctor allowed Clara to latch onto his upper half so that they could kiss properly while he carried her to the bedroom, hands cupping her rear in order to hold her steady. He could feel the sharpness of her nails scraping up against his scalp and the nape of his neck and the warmth of her breath as she moved to his chin and down his throat.

“I think I figured out your type,” he teased. She nibbled gently at a bit of skin, daring him to elaborate. “Being just as good with children as you are.”

“Need I mention the various times you allowed yourself to get pranked by the Maitlands and nearly got them killed in the same stretch?”

“Let’s just say I’ve been practicing since then.” He sat down on the edge of her bed and was almost instantly thrown onto his back, his body bouncing on the mattress at the force used to put him there. “Then again, I have an excellent example to learn from.”

“If that’s the case, then why do you still act the way you do around adults?” she wondered. She undid her bunched-up skirt zip and allowed his hands to untuck her blouse and reach under the hem to unlatch her bra. Soon there would be no mental capacity between the two of them to bicker and she needed to get him to admit it before they lost their train of thought.

Yeah—bickering he could do, but don’t call it bantering or there would be no adult version of extracurriculars for at least a week.

“I don’t hear an answer,” she pressed. His hands had now moved to one clawing at the top buttons of her blouse while the other teased a breast, making the nipple nearly sting at the friction. She was relieving him of his trousers, the motion going temporarily on-hold as he finally relieved her of her upper garments, shucking them off and tossing them blithely to the floor.

“They’re not you,” he growled. He let go as they parted to get rid of his trousers and coat and jumper, as well as her leggings and both their pants, only to grab her again once they were fully naked. “Why should I care if they’re never going to understand anyhow?”

“…because flashcards are not the way normal people talk to one another. You can be honest and frank with the robotics students and me, but no one else?”

“No.” He parted her legs with his knee as they resumed where they left off on the mattress; she was scorching-hot and already alarmingly wet. “Maybe I just need a bit more practice.”

“Maybe I should see if I can talk to one of my friends in admissions over in Liverpool and get you a lecturer’s position for a term—see how you do with semi-adults.”

“I might have to take you up on that, just to prove you wrong.”

“I look forward to it.” She bit his shoulder to where she knew she’d leave a mark, safely keeping it tucked away underneath where fabric would be the following day as he tinkered around the school. That’s truly all he did—tinker—and it was such a thing from an odd children’s television show she could cry in laughter.

She was shagging Coal Hill’s (substitute) hyper-competent caretaker, who was ready to mentor students and impart life advice to any willing to stop their youthful mishaps long enough to listen.

Not only that, but she was halfway gone just watching him in action for a short while.

Clara had to admit: the Doctor had her type down to a very specific point.

Oh no.

She did, however, declined to give him that satisfaction by going and clearing the thought from her mind as she took his throbbing erection and stroked it. Yes, there was that moan she loved to hear. A few decent pulls and she decided he had been tortured enough and guided him into her, everything slipping wonderfully into place as he filled her and she surrounded him.

Gazing down at him in the pale afternoon light filtering in through her curtains, Clara knew she was meeting the eyes of the version of the Doctor she loved the most. It wasn’t looks (which didn’t hurt) or accent (again, that neither) or even the fact he now had mood lighting in the TARDIS (she wasn’t entirely certain it was all his doing), but the sort of man he had grown to become with her. All the barriers his previous face had were long-gone, shed for the sole purpose of baring himself to her. Every last bit of him. He did it because he knew she could see what he was without all the trappings and whimsy, that she was ready to get to something more meaningful between them, because despite anything they felt for one another before he gained his pre-frowned face, it was now all that and more. There were no remaining barriers betwixt the Time Lord and his saving grace and they were willing to act accordingly.

He bucked his hips up into hers, making her eyes roll into the back of her head as he began to set their pace; all that and so, so much more.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“You know they’re just better off reading nature logs at this point—John Muir has an excellent one about encountering what people now call Bigfoot but what was really a stranded extraterrestrial in Ahwahnee.”

Clara stopped writing on the whiteboard and closed her eyes—a headache was coming on. A few students made poor attempts at hiding their laughter, which their teacher could not blame them for. She turned around and looked up to see the Doctor poking his head in the window.

“Have you forgotten what doors are for?” she wondered sarcastically. The remaining students couldn’t help but snicker.

“Doors are not me; windows are me,” he claimed frankly. “That’s not the point; why are you going over something as boring as Wordsworth?”

“It’s not boring, and it’s required in the curriculum set up by your I-don’t-even-want-to-know-how-he’s-your-friend Chesterton. I teach Wordsworth, whether it’s boring or not, and I’m allowed to compare The Scottish Chiefs to Ivanhoe, with enough leeway to maybe brush against Chandrakanta if we have enough time before I have to go into the section on Dumas to correlate with their history class.” She watched as his face grew almost sheepish. “Now, did you need anything?”

“Yes! Kaja! Do you have that component you were talking about?”

“Right here, Doctor Smith,” a girl said. She reached into her pocket and pulled out what looked like a small circuit board—simple enough to have been cannibalized from a television remote older than her.

“Good—now I need to see if Raj got his piece and we’ll be set for class later todaaaaaayyyy!” The Doctor attempted to make a smooth exit down the ladder, only serving to knock it off-balance and fall from just below the window all the way to the ground. There was a muffled “I’m fine!” and Clara shook her head, completely exasperated.

Just because the scenery was better did not mean that she couldn’t wait until Mister Atif returned to his duties.

[botwstoriesandsuch]

P-please talk about your Rito OC, please... ramble without any context, please... I have one too... please make me feel less alone...

Ok ok let me just *unloads all of Illeka’s super angsty self-indulgent backstory*

I technically have two backstories, one for botw that I’m gonna use for my fic Where Time Takes Us, and another I use for my dnd campaign. My dnd one is more fleshed out (thanks to my amazing GM) so I’ll probably just share that one. 

Warning for super duper long post that is barely coherent and I haven’t checked for typos and also rip to ADHD folks because I have no pictures to ease your brain with. Anyhow prepare for like thousands of words worth of rambles this is not edited at all

This is just a copy paste of the random incoherent shit I sent to my poor DM. Anyhow, I technically have 3 ocs here, but Illeka is the one I play

A weird Rito, that one is. I hear they’ve only cried at birth...

- Illeka was born on the Day of Living Fire, its a celebration of the dead essentially, where you mourn and remember your loved ones and ancestors and all that. It’s superstition to be *born* on this day, because your life/creation takes away from the day that’s supposed to honor the dead, and some people on birb island believe these things, that if you let the kid live it’s a curse. But most people are like no wtf you boomers it’s fine there’s no such thing you crazy old people are weird, which to be fair is kinda true.

- When Talako is around 6, his single mom dies. He’s adopted by a new family, Kala (also around 6 years old) and her parents.

- Illeka meets Talako after he kinda follows her around, because he’s an innocent cinnamon bun that admires Illeka’s calm and stoic demeanor after they help him with some bullies. Through this, Talako, Illeka, and Kala all become best friends.

- The events in Illeka’s life aren’t really helping their whole curse case. Every bad event, from their dad getting injured and having the slightest limp, to their brother, Zekk nearly setting himself on fire— it’s all a supposed punishment for not killing them when they were bored. But at this point most people brush it off as coincidence, besides, nothing THAT bad has happened yet.

- the trio of friends grow strong, becoming some of the best in their arts on the island. And their relationship is seemingly adorable. The serious ~~cursed~~ one, the optimistic sunshine one, and the sarcastic firey one. Prides of their village, set to protect their people from harm.

- Illeka is the best in the village when it comes to physical fights. Trusty halberd, and a keen shot with a bow, they’ve never lost a sparring match on that front. Their personality is offputting to some, there’s a rumour that they’ve never cried. The easiest of jokes, and the vilest of insults don’t spark much reaction from them— except in the presence and topic of their family, Kala, and Talako. But otherwise, the story goes that the cursed kid doesn’t have a soul, and hence, no morality or emotions.

- When they train with Talako and Kala, they never back down, if only out of respect, Illeka wouldn’t want to embarrass them with pity. Talako always laughs at his inevitable defeat, though he tries nonetheless. He promises that one day he’ll be strong enough to beat them.

- Talako is a pleasant soul, but has an nack for adventure and a hint of chaos. He prefers to dual wield daggers, and on occasion a short sword or two. He’s great with the blade, loves the thrill of the fight, but is more skilled with cooking and physical healing and remedies. He’s always the one encouraging fun celebratory hang outs at the tavern, with his two closest friends after a day of guarding the village. Kala always sides with him, and Illeka typical gives in after at least putting on a show of reluctance. He humble and happy and loved by most of the village, if only things would last

- Kala is of wit and cunning, she’s typically the first to speak. She’s headstrong and not afraid to insult whoever she displeases, and a bit too arrogant in her abilities. She laughs at all of Talako’s jokes, if perhaps only to spite Illeka’s groans. She’s also the most strategic of her friends, being the “one with a plan” in battle. While she’s a decent wield of two khopesh, Kala’s mostly gifted with magic. She’s got a knack for conjuring, though is well researched in other types as well. Illeka and her are an even match, with decent win ratios on either end. Illeka doesn’t take it that personally, they suck/hate magic after all. Kala’s a bit more competitive tho.. While her power in magic is certainly the best on all of the island, she can’t help but feel salty/jealous for always being overshadowed by Illeka’s feats, since the people prefer/understand the physical over the magic.

- Oh, and she was born on day after the Day of Living Fire, according to her parents. How lucky.

- In a sense, they’re all a bit of an outcast. Kala the fiery independent one, a bit sidecasted for prefering magic over steel. Talako the weird orphan, for being a chirpy, happy boi, which is a bit annoying for some. And Illeka…well lets just say their situation isn’t going to be improving

- One year, Illeka’s family is expecting more kids, twin sisters at that! It’s the most excited anyone’s ever seen Illeka, thought perhaps that’s not the right word… They’ve still got their usual demeanor, but they did spend nearly a week crocheting little baby hats and tunics and scarves. They threatened to kill their brother if they told anyone, although Zekk was allowed to let it slip to Tal and Kala

- [They are absurdly good at crochet btw. They never do it anymore to try and maintain their “reputation,” but their family will never forget the time they crafted matching blankets and hats to win a little competition in their home town.]

- Then the Day of Living Fire arrives for that year. Theres a little celebration for Illeka’s birthday, before moving on to other activities.

- The twins die that night.

- The village was in a bit of shock…and rumours grow considering the timing of it. The mysterious circumstance of it…well it does turn the heads of even some of the less-superstitious. The rumours, the death, the silent thought that perhaps that cursed bird caused some babies’ death, Illeka endured it.

- Years later would it get worse.

- Illeka is still publically respected at this point, weird rumours sure, but try telling that to the edge of her halberd. Their mother had made the twin’s shrine, but they say Illeka didn’t visit that often. Talako was always by their side, trying to help them, which was always appreciated, even when they tried to hide it.

- Kala was busy in the library these days.

- Zekk had started a family by now, a little baby birb named Mili hatched into the world.  Illeka would often steal her away for little cuddles when they (thought) no one was looking. Zekk would jest that they had to fight for the right to hold his own kid. Kala would also occasionally tease them about it, though Tal was mostly happy to see them in better spirits

- Then, another Day of Living Fire.

- Talako and Illeka were usually on guard duty together, the northern patrol by the village edge. But tal was still a bit worried about his friend’s state of mind, he’s not sure he’d even seen them mourn. He pushes for Illeka to take the day off, it’s technically their birthday after all, plus they can pay their respected at the shrines and attend the festivities and do the ceremonies and all that. Illeka denies it, brushing it off like they always do.

- Soon, their nightly patrol begins, and Illeka is about to set off to met up with Talako, but Kala intercepts. She has a talk with them, similar to that of Talako’s, but with…more well crafted and laced words. It’s nearly the same message that Talako tried to tell them, “It’ll be healthy for you, visit the shrines, be with your family, maybe brush off some rumours in the process.” Illeka nearly denies again, joking that Talako would get afraid of the dark if they didn’t show up. But Kala interjects, stating that she’s already made plans to take the patrol that nigth with Tal. Trusting their friends to be safe in each others care, Illeka relents and takes the day off.

- …yeah. so

- perhaps you can see where this is going.

- Kala’s jealousy had been growing over the years. Not only was she being shadowed by Illeka and their non magic ways, but it was irritating even more that all the talk about magic in the town was not of her exceptional abilties, but of stupid rumours and non-existent evil curses. If the people wanted show, she’d give them a show

- This mindset made her spars with Illeka a bit more personal as of late, getting it in her head that she needed to get stronger, strong enough to best Illeka with ease. Strong enough so that there would be no question who was the best warrior on the island, magic, bows, halberds, or no.

- The library had many forgotten books that she had been studying. Conjuring, rituals, illusions, necromancy. It was all…beautiful. Kala soaked in every word, sometimes berating the bookkeeper offhandedly for not keeping them in the best condition

- In her research she eventually found a beast. A..thing, a demon? A monster, the specifics weren’t there, but the gist of it was, if you had the courage to summon it, it would grant you the knowledge for attaining anything you desired. All it asked in return was…to eat some people.

- But not just any people mind you! Supposedly the ritual only worked for the people with the greatest of ambitions, willing to sacrifice the lives of people they might care about. The sacrifices had to be of someone with great trust and bond with the person.

- Kala’s parents disappeared that day, a few feathers laid about, but there was no blood.

- Near the northern border, by a open field, a weird circle dripped the grass red

- Talako waited by the village edge, ready to fly off with their patrol partner when they arrived. When Kala greeted him, he was a bit surprised, but happy when she explained that Illeka had gone off back to town.

- Indeed Illeka was with their family now, as the sun started to set. Occasionally, a passerby would give them a weird glance before walking swiftly away.

- Somewhere in the northern border, a warrior is knocked unconcious, and dragged upon a blood red pattern

- Illeka is by her sisters’ shrine. For the sliver of a moment, they contemplate crying.

- Then an explosion is heard off in the distance

- Talako was wide awake at this point, although his wings being pinned to his sides wasn’t that helpful considering there was a giant, *giant* dark monster in front of him.

- Kala lets off a final remark, saying it was for his own good. The death would be swifter if he didn’t squirm.

- He whipped back at her, glaring with a fire she hasn’t seen before. He calls her a coward for tricking Illeka, a coward for kill their parents, a coward for not even giving him the decency to fight for his life.

- She nearly smiles at the last remark. “Fine.” She tosses him his blades. “You were never much of a warrior anyway.”

- Illeka was flying towards the booming sound at full speed, nearly knocking over their family and other mourning, people in the process. A few others had tried to slow them down, claiming they should suit of better first, before confronting whatever had been the source of the explosion. Illeka didn’t listen.

- They barely had time to grab a weapon, before approaching the northern border. After gracing the crests of the hill tops, they finally saw it. A giant demonic beast, snapping it’s jaws against a flying dash of black feathers, Talako.

- Illeka called out to him, nearly dashing off into the air again, but they stopped when they spotted Kala, standing idlely by next to her.

- Before they could even speak, before they could even question why she was acting so nonchalantly while their best friend was fighting for their life against an evil monstrosity, Kala shook her head and spoke. “You always have to ruin my fun, don’t you?” She struck a magic blow and Illeka, square in the chest.

- It knocked them to the ground, but they got up, setting their halberd and pointing it at them.

- Then insert some dramatic scene where Kala is like “you’re so selfish, hogging all the attention, thinking you’re better than me, but today I’m gonna finally best you mwahaha” and Illeka is like “wtf why did you do this? I thought we were friends? I trusted you?? the fuck? also talako is our friend!!?” and then its “yeah thats right I manipulated your stupid feelings to gain the upperhand. you’re super pathetic honestly for falling for it. anyhow yeah talako will probably die, i tried to give him the luxary of a swift death but he wouldn’t listen, so now he’s probably gonna get brutally slayed lol” and illeka is all “I’ll kill you” and kala is “no u. This whole thing is gonna give me so much power no ones gonna question me again” and then they fight each other

- The duel is nearly a draw, Kala’s magical ability is certainly is certainly stronger, but she’s not as all powerful without that knowledge from the demon monster guy that needs to eat his meal. Illeka is fighting with all theyve got, but all they brought was a halberd, but they are very fueled by rage and spite so it’s still an even match. Illeka eventually lands a blow that’s got Kala bleeding severely, but Kala pretty much almost kills them with a direct attack. Kala’s too weak to finish the job, plus those other guards have finally started to fly and approach in the distance, so she flys off. Illeka finally slips into unconsciousness.

- When they wake up, it’s almost sunrise. Their mom is shaking them awake, part of the party that was investigating the explosion that summoned the beast. Illeka bolts up, they’re still in the field were they had fought Kala, but she and the beast are no where to be seen.

- They run off, trying to find Talako, and ho boy do they find him alright. His body is crumpled by some rocks, his wing nearly ripped clean off, theres so much blood, even a warrior like Illeka can hardly bare it. Some small bit of hope in their head thinks that he might still be alive, and they listen to his chest to see if he’s still breathing.

- His eyes flicker once at Illeka, his chest rises, then falls for the last time.

- Illeka cries.

- Then, still pretty wounded and tired, they collapse again

- The days following are living hell. Kala hasn’t been found, and their her parent’s [bodies]. The rumours are creeping as ever, at the coincidence of Illeka and this disaster. They spend nearly a weak in bed at home, recovering physically, thought probably not mentally.

- As soon as they’ve fully recovered, Illeka’s mind is set. They are going to leave, no more warrior/village protection for them. They’re going to travel far off, train and hone their skills in combat, and find and kill Kala.

- Their family is opposed to this at first, but in the end nothing they say changes Illeka’s mind.

- In a sense, there was another, unspoken reason Illeka was leaving the islands. They didn’t want to hurt anyone else.

- Hell, the rhetoric is even stronger down the line, concerning the fate of poor Mili. Illeka has given in and accepted it, they are cursed to cause pain to the people they care about. [It’s basically that trope of the character isn’t actually cursed but they believe they’re cursed] Illeka will stay away, and go it alone for as long as they can. Then once the deed is done, once they draw Kala’s corpse across the mud, they’ll probably fly off somewhere far to die, before anyone else gets hurt. It’s probably best for their family never to see them again.

- - - - - - 

Wow you did it, you made it through the super angsty self-indulgent backstory congrats. Illeka is my lil baby and I love them and I’ve gonna send them on a revenge quest and then they were gonna have a cool character arc probably about learning to grieve and have self worth and all that and to actually allow themselves to show emotions for once in their lives. That’s the general plan I had in my head anyhow

But you know what my dm thought?

They were like how about mORE ANGSt

Fucking shit you not, session three of the campaign, I’m heading back to birb island because of circumstances, and I’m getting supplies from my blacksmith dad and showing off this sword that says “fuck” a lot that I got from a dungeon that took a selkie’s soul which they gave up willingly in exchange for fire hair...long story

but THEN I meet up with my bro Zekk and it’s like “wassup bro just passing through” but then I find out that Talako’s shrine thing was DESTORYED by some unknown entity and that’s very not good because spirituality and all that

and also I find Mili and they’re a cute lil toddler birb now aww it’s so great hope nothing happens to them because I sure do have enough emotional traume to burden right now. anyhow due to CIRCUMSTANCES our only lead to the thing that destroyed Talako’s shrine is 1) a delinquent named Chesio [that our party nicknamed cherrio because the GM misspelled it the first time i think] who apparently was Talako’s shitty cousin and his only living relative who could build his shrine and 2) the destruction of the shrine lines up with a period of time where Mili went missing but its ok she came back so her parents were like “chill we gucci”

Our party decides we should go down the Mili lead [because I accidentally knocked Cherrio i mean Chesio to near death with a crit roll with my halberd so they’re in the infirmary now but it’s really not my fault that they triggered my emotional trauma by mentioning how I keep running away from grief and never staying around to confront it it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiine] so we stop by Zekk’s house and we’re like “hey so remember when you disappeared for like a week where did you go, and then mili was like “oh it’s in this cavern that no one knows about and I can’t really give you the directions but I can lead you there if you take me with you” in which I then glare at the GM for this obvious attempt to force us to take Mili with us to put her in danger and apparently I was the ONLY one who cared about this because everyone else in the party was ready to adopt this birb child, and Zekk was like “sure take the kiddy harness” so here I am, watching my niece run around in a kiddy harness that’s also attached to me, while my Chaotic neutral party someone gets grilled cheese sandwiches in the background

Badabing, badaboom, we come to some crystal caverns. while I, being one of the only members of the party with morals other than one chaotic good dragonborn, am watching the selkie, halfoot, and elf girl steal a bunch of crystals, Mili fucking DISAPPEARS the fucking KIDDY HARNESS fucking NOT GOOD she FCUKING SLIPPED OUT AND SHES GONE AND IM FREAKING OUT 

after about an hour or two of searching through the deeper parts of the cavern and tunnel and also fighting a minotaur and discovering an abandoned arena and a cleric, long story. We find Mili fucking laying on A NECROMANCER’S RITUAL CIRCLE WHAT THE FU- 

I pull a “I don’t hesitate bitch” on the hooded dude that’s hovering and chanting shit. He’s dead, it’s all swell. Saved the day, the evil’s dead. Mili’s fine she can go back to being a cute lil baby who loves shiny rocks and-

oh wAIT actually Mili is still transformed into a demonic monster and the necromancer dude was actually in the middle of completing a ritual to bring her back to life after he killed her a few times

So turns out, necromancer dead dude was hired by a mysterious someone, to steal something from Talako’s shrine, and to destroy any evidence. Turns out, his methodology for doing so was to kidnap some birb kid who had the misfortune of wander too close, killing them, turning them into some demonic monster that does their bidding, using that monster to steal and ruin some shit, and then when the day’s done he turns them back like nothing happened. Sure do wish he was alive to redo that last part

I’m freaking out, the party’s freaking out, that sword from earlier is cursing to high heaven for no apparent reason. Cleric unhelpfully remarks how it was a bad idea that we impulsively killed the evil dude bro, yes wow thank you for the help

Eventually everything’s fine. After a few round of shouting “NO ONE TOUCH MY FUCKING NIECE OR YOU DIE” after said demonic niece is kinda mindlessly attacking everyone, we eventually do some good ol blunt force trauma and a bit of magic and BOOM. Mili’s back. Although they do have permanent black ritual markings on them but its fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinee (its not)

We find a note on necromancer dude bro that his employer was from another island, so that’s a lead yay Find Out Next SessionTM but at this point I really don’t care as I’ve already started tying Mili to my chest and walking back to the village

I go back to Zekk’s house, hand off Mili, explain everything that happened, give a super heart feel apology about how I pretty much killed Mili (even though I really didn’t but also as we all know Illeka is an angsty birb who’s steadfast in the idea that their existence hurts everyone they love so yay <3) and then I leave as fast as I can before anyone can protest sure was nice visiting my family after i’ve been away for a few months sure am glad that my inner thoughts about staying away weren’t justified whatsoever hmmmmmm

A session or two passes. We try to assassinate and elf’s evil parents and fail, we get into a Fake Dating Being Someone’s Children Au with a dragon. The selkie keeps trying to date everyone, even thought they’re already married to a necromancer princess and a boat (long story) and inbetween we head to that island that note i got was talking about and turns out it was to a place where all your inner demons and anxieties manifest into reality and taunt you, until youre slowly broken down to the point where the evil dictator on the island can “magic” away your problems with puppet strings. fun for the whole family!

Anyways, after our party fights out evil neon-blue clones, I get a lead from dictator dude that the employer I’m looking for is a Rito that’s good with magic, and was last seen headed east, in the same direction we just came from. fun.a

So I’m kinda low on leads, other than the fact that theres a magic school in the east, but in between we have to deal with the fact that husboat (again, the boat that is married to the selkie who is also our entire party’s form of transportation across the ocean. wait a sec did I mention that we weren’t in Hyrule? We’re not in Hyrule, this is a flooded land with a bunch of islands. Think wind waker) was being chased by pirates. also these pirates were the ones that raised the selkie, and also they kinda also slaughtered an entire island of halffoots in their time with the pirates, and also that island was the one that the halffoot in our party grew up in. So basically that’s some cool tension and drama. Anyhow, back to moi

One talk about how “no we cannot kidnap aNOTHER priest” to the selkie and elf later... magic school! Magic school is pretentious and I hate it. Everythings glowy, they don’t allow you to fly over the gates. There’s puffy noble middle aged men and children in bedazzled cloaks. There’s magic in the air and I swear I would choke and die on the glitter and rainbows of it all. 

Half the party is off getting into cloak fashion, I head off with my dragonborn friend Ness because highfive! We’re the only one’s with morals in this party! Morality pals! (This is saying something considering I am true neutral and she’s chaotic good but we might as well be clerics in this party...)

My morality pal and I and hanging around, then we catch word that there’s this transfer student that no one has seen in a while and “oh I wonder where she could be” and all that jazz from other students. Mortality pals are like “ok let’s go look for her” so we drag the rest of the party off of their larceny spree and look around.

Eventually, after I spot a tattered cloak roaming the halls that matches the description of the gossip, we find the transfer student.

TURNS OUT (unsurprisingly honestly given the way the dm framed stuff) this transfer student is someone I know. She’s standing there, in the middle of the room, preparing to do some ritual or something. She’s standing there, my life purpose, my one and only goal, literally the only reason I’m still going in life, my arch nemesis, my target, my mortal fucking enemy. It’s Kala.

Ness sees a demon dog in the background and says hi, ruining our element of surprise, but to be fair, she doesn’t know it’s Kala. 

Kala whips around from her table thing. We make eye contact. Her face suddenly shift from confusion to surprise to bewilderment to shock to happiness. 

Happiness.

“Illeka I thought you were dead!” Kala runs towards me, but I’m too shocked to move.

She’s smiling. It’s not sadistic, it’s not...harmful, it’s just genuine joy. For a moment I thought I saw a tear in her eye. 

Kala hugs me for a long moment, before letting go. “So how did you survive?”

...

In my head I’m thinking, “oh you fuck face”

THE. AUDACITY. OF. THIS. BITCH. 

“HOWD I SURVIVE” UH NO THANKS TO YOU FOR ALMOST KILLING ME FOR YOUR STUPID RITUAL WHATEVER THAT KILLED TALAKO WTFFF

ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO PULL THE SAME TRICK AGAIN??? GONNA PRETEND TO BE ALL SENTIMENTAL AND NICE JUST TO TRY AND KILL ME LATER ON? HA OK OK

how about instead, I do the one good thing, the one worthwhile thing I can do in my entire life...just one simple course of action that might hope to make up for the mountain of regret that is my entire existence. 

I am finally going to kill you.

Kala’s staring at me, eyes curious, head tilted as if all she ever did was ask what I had for brunch. 

I blink once, and my neutral expression, faintly coated with shock morphs into determination.

I roll for initiative. 

- - - - - - 

It’s 1am. 

So have a cliffhanger, kinda. 

If anyone bothers to read this far, congrats! Your reward is me being lazy. I’ll tell you what happened sometime tomorrow if anyone really wants to know :P Long story short, it doesn’t end how I, and therefore probably you, would except. 

[subsequentibis]

this is a DELIGHT to read, thank you so much for submitting it!! publishing for the aforementioned class, everyone pls take notes. p.s. i do have a wheelbarrow in my garage so if you ever need to transport sixteen stone of injured sea captain hit me up

-ibis

~~

hello, i’m fairly sure you know exactly which silly person is writing this at this point.  yes, it’s me again.  i really truly hope that this works and doesn’t do a weird thing, i’m a tiny bit alarmed about doing this.  i am a tiny nervous horse when it comes to internet stuff and i’ve attempted to proofread this maybe three times in order to put off actually sending this to you.  i guess i’m just going to have to get this over with, so here are my debatably comprehendable ideas, mostly exactly as they were written in yesterday’s four-hour spiral of madness.

breaking news: local goof observes a tumblr post and proceeds to attempt to hack reality in order to see if they could in theory achieve this.  am i ready to haul nearly six feet of incapacitated and extremely thick local captain to the nearest medical facility?  part of me says no, part of me says hell yeah.  let’s go find out.

okay, what do i get and what skills do i have.  (time to invent some rules for this strange game and figure out just what i’d do.  focusing on stephen and jack because they were the two characters you mentioned, this could probably apply to other characters but i’m going to only reckon with these as this project is strange enough as it currently stands.  i’m expecting this to quickly go off the rails.)  (note as i edit this over: this is extremely chaotic and you should be warned.  i thought way too much about this and it shows, and it kind of terrifies me, not only because of the baffling sentence structures (or lack thereof).  rereading this after having properly eaten and communicated with human beings for the day has shown me that i sound like an alien for much of this.  terribly sorry to sound like an alien, swear i’m human and just kind of a bit strange inside.)

so: i can have anything currently on the property where i currently reside (garage and driveway included) and all my real skills.

i cannot drive because:

i do not have the physical ability to drive

i do not have the legal ability to drive

i can’t get help from any other person: this is an imaginary situation where exists in this house just me and a fictional lad who needs to be got to a local medical facility.  (this is a very weird imaginary situation but honestly the peak of my own interests colliding.)

so what do i have here anyway (all of this is written assuming i personally am the one having to do this and am moving one of them from my place of residence to the nearest medical facility):

arms: not very strong (could potentially lift stephen since i can lift some of my friends and he’s both shorter and thinner, definitely cannot move jack an inch)

legs: i assume walking is not an option for reasons of either necessary speed of delivery or actually he cannot walk.  oh yeah and also reasons of narrative whatever.  continuing.

cars: cannot and will not drive, he is from the 1800s and cannot drive either, or in the case of stephen even if he could drive should not be trusted behind the wheel even in the peak of health.  anyway given this vague situation we none of us should be driving.

bikes (various): i’m a fairly good biker, i’ve got pretty good stamina and can haul rather well on my own bike.  with a little work (as seen in yon post) might be able to even sort of rig something up to perch stephen on my handlebars.  this will not function with jack.  *with a great deal of effort i drag him onto the front of the bike, wait a beat, then watch in horror as the bike tips back wheel up and dumps him back on the floor with an unpleasant thud* so that’s not going to work.

wheelbarrow: very cool and possibly functional plan.  unfortunately we do not have a wheelbarrow.  alas.

wagon: pros and cons.  pro: we can haul the boy in this.  con: we have to haul the boy.  the boy can fit in this in a balanced manner, but let me restate: my arms are not very strong and jack is near six feet of unhelpful heavy meat.  as usual this is more of a viable option for stephen.  but god jack is just a big dense boy and i’m just a wobbly little person with noodles for arms.

alright.  local noodle-armed goof is trying some new approaches regarding wagon/bikes: using my dad’s old bike with the board on the back and sort of tying him on there somehow so he faces backwards and sort of leans on me.  he could even put his feet in the little saddlebag things for balance!  although again i’d be worried about the sheer weight and size if i’m basically just dragging this man like a deceased sack of meat all the way to the hospital.  so that depends.  one more for the list of could potentially work with stephen.  (although if he was anything less than utterly out i would have zero luck getting either of them to take part in any of these increasingly ridiculous plans.) (actually, depending on the situation it might work out if he was in a certain mood?  anyhow, did not come here for these considerations.  only for increasingly less reasonable methods of transportation.) 

okay forging boldly onward.  if i don’t want to try to do a huge hill with the wagon and my little noodle arms and hundreds-odd pounds of floppy boat lad i could try to rig up something where i tie the wagon to the back of a bike, but that wouldn’t end well because on downhills it would slide forward unless i distributed the weight somehow to make the front of the bike heavier than the wagon… which is not gonna happen because that would either be impossible with the supplies i have or render the bike entirely nonfunctional.  leaving the wagon to clunk back and forth is also an issue given that i am trying to get this man medical attention asap and not actively make the situation worse.  i’ve done this wagon and bike thing before when both people involved were starting out fine and even that didn’t end well.  (in case you were wondering, we careened down the street crashing into one another and came to a stop by hitting a parked car.  we are all fine now and so is the car and we do not do things like this anymore.  it was a terrible idea that i regret every day.)  no go.

vacuum cleaner: bad idea.  no.  did i think of these as an option just because i have one and it has wheels?  i did, didn’t i.  do not attempt.

razor scooter: no.  why.  how.  please stop this.

boards: possibly a viable option.  we got skateboards, we got surfboards, we got actual just plain old wooden boards.  (none of the ones in my home actually belong to me, but ignore that bit.  trying to save a life here.)  probably the best route would be to stick some skateboards under something big enough to bear up an entire human person, slap a few pillows or something over top, and get shoving.  don’t ask about what happens when we get to the big hills.  (yeah i live in an area made entirely of hills and it’s a long steep way down and a long steep way up to get anywhere of interest, and if you’re on wheels then sucks to be you i guess.)  in retrospect perhaps not as good of an idea.

so i guess four hours later i’ve come to the precise conclusion that you did.

put stephen on a bike.  put jack in a wagon.  maybe learn to drive?  jury’s still out on that one.  anyway that was a fun four hours that i won’t regret spending this way at all no sirree.

alright!  hope this wasn’t too strange or unreadable!  have a nice day, you’re wonderful!

[cinnbar-bun]

Nifl + Muspell+ Hel Sumemer

A/n: @pokemagines I’m sorry I keep doing this, and I even added a little bonus Sumemer to the mix!!!

Warning: SPOILERS AND ANGST!!!

Nifl!Sumemer

They have NO clue how they got there, and they were out for blood SOOOOOO quick. 

“WHO KIDNAPPED ME I WAS TRYING TO NAP!!!” 

Nifl Sumemer is rather hot-headed (heh) and takes no crap from anyone

Until they see Gunnthra and with her sheer disappointed mother glare, they submitted. 

Gunnthra is PLEASED

Because of the timeline, Nifl Sumemer never actually met Hrid. They just hear stories of how wonderful their brother is, but they have no idea of how he looks like. They know the siblings are worried about him, and it actually makes them kinda sad (not that they’d admit it) and they get angry they can’t do much

As is tradition for every Sumemer, they fall in love with the oldest child. 

Nifl Sumemer is no different and quickly falls for Gunnthra, who stayed patient with them while getting accustomed to Nifl. 

Gunnthra is very caring of the Nifl Sumemer, but they tend to feel jealous of the Askr Sumemer since she made a ‘connection’ with them. They get angry that no matter what they do, she will consider their Askran counterpart more important. 

They act really cold to them when they first meet, and Askr sumemer cries about it

They are a protective older sibling to the two youngest girls, and they absolutely LOVE to play with them

Fjorm has wonderful discussions with them and even trained them to use a weapon. 

I’d go out on a limb here and say that Nifl Sumemer is the most competent sumemer when it comes to weapons and could actually fight with them

Take that Askran Sumemer!

Ylgr has been adopted by the Nifl Sumemer and is basically Helbindi lite. 

They really get kinda nervous of caring for someone, because they don’t think they deserve to be treated nicely. 

They make sure Ylgr eats right, and Ylgr always thanks them for cooking 

“What? I don’t cook.” (LIES)

Ylgr likes to play with Nifl Sumemer’s hair and tie cute bows in it or something. She even does this when they’re sleeping because Fjorm dared her to. 

After Gunnthra...did the thing...the sumemer was DESTROYED. It was bad enough feeling like they didn’t do much for her alive, but then when that happened, they blamed themselves for her death. 

Fjorm and Ylgr were grieving, but also knew how much the sumemer loved Gunnthra. They tried to get them to cheer up. 

They all huddled one day together and sobbed. 

When Ylgr was kidnapped too they got incredibly cold and protective of Fjorm. They didn’t want her to lose another one of her siblings. 

When they meet Hrid the first thing they do is slap him. He gets incredibly caught off-guard but then the sumemer hugs them and sobs how they are so sorry. They failed the princesses and they beg him to stay close with Fjorm. 

He grows quite close with them and understands how awful losing Gunnthra must have felt. 

Although, after Hrid started becoming friendly with the Askran sumemer, they got a bit pissed off again. 

Despite being one of the most volatile, Nifl Sumemer is quite good at their job. They tend to make pretty okay plans, but they sometimes throw them away in order to protect the royal siblings. 

Hrid had to order them to stop trying to jump in front of them because he was afraid of them getting hurt. 

Nifl Sumemer doesn’t care and thinks that if they do that, it’ll make up for them being a bad person when the siblings were there. 

After Surtr is defeated, they are so lost. The emotions they felt were all about killing Surtr, but now that he was gone, they didn’t know what to do. 

Hrid offered them a spot on the council, to be his prime tactician, and Fjorm and Ylgr smiled and said they could be their ‘babysitter’ or something. 

They cried for a long time and thanked them for existing. 

Don’t even get started on what happens when they summon Gunnthra or NY!Gunnthra. All they do is cry and cry, and they wish they could love them like they did with their Gunnthra, but the problem is, they’re from different timelines. 

They are the Gunnthra they knew, and it kills them slowly. 

The Gunnthra’s do try to comfort them and encourage them to find new love and explore themselves. 

Overall, they are extremely protective of the royal siblings, and while quick to react, they are a kind person deep inside. They just need to understand that they are valuable too, and that they are loved. 

Muspell! Sumemer

Muspell Sumemer is very chill and laid-back, almost like the ‘bro’ pal. 

They are always calm and have a stupid grin on their face, even in the worst situations. 

Unlike the other Sumemers, who couldn’t be smooth to save their life (the Askran version PALES in comparison), Muspell Sumemer is quite suave and has a way with words. 

Especially to Laegjarn, who they kinda-sorta have a crush on. 

When Laegjarn is feeling stressed, they go up to her and like to show a ‘magic trick’. She is like ‘but we have magic’ and Sumemer is like ‘no no no! you’ve not seen THIS magic!!’ 

It usually involves her getting a penny or a small flower at the end of it. She gets insanely happy and sentimental looking at them, and keeps her ‘lucky penny’ by her when she’s off to battle. 

Laevatein doesn’t know why, but she’s also drawn to the Sumemer’s behavior. She muses to Laegjarn about how they don’t tell her to fight and even cooked some treats she might enjoy. 

Laegjarn gets a heart attack because she could’ve sworn she saw Laevatein smile. 

They hate Surtr. They make fun of him behind his back and mock him with Laegjarn (and she can’t help but laugh but also feels kinda guilty because like...it is her dad). They hate him a lot though and have made him the most STUPIDEST plans so that way he can get hurt. 

He doesn’t and they try to work even harder to MAKE HIM GET HIS OLD MAN KNEECAPS KICKED. 

They like Helbindi even though Helbindi pretends to hate them. 

“YO! Helbindi what’s poppin?”

“Don’t freakin talk to me didn’t I tell you that last time? 

They are both secret bros who hold infinite respect for each other. 

A lot of people really like them because they’re so friendly and calm, and they instantly feel safe with them. They usually get tons of compliments and gifts from Muspellians who think they’re just so good and easy to talk to. 

They still don’t know what they’re doing though??? They just.... exist? 

A lot of people underestimate Muspell Sumemer though. When they first hear they’re from Muspell, a bad image forms in their head. They also can sound/act kinda dumb, but are really perceptive and will come up with answers to complex problems, things no one has ever thought of. 

They tend to underestimate them and think they’re some ‘fire-brained idiot’ who just likes fighting. False, they actually hate it. But because they were brought into Muspell, Surtr didn’t want them to be ‘weak and defenseless’ so he ordered Laegjarn to teach them how to fight. 

They’re the best at fighting besides the Nifl Sumemer. 

Hardly will ever use those skills, but they keep a dagger and lance in case it’s ever needed. 

They once nearly cut Askran sumemer because they jumped out of nowhere and screamed at them. 

Despite being lax and carefree, they can get deadly serious when the time calls for it. Muspell sumemer is full of many facets and surprises. 

Laegjarn was an important figure in their life, mostly because it seemed she was one of the few sane people who didn’t want senseless fighting. Her kindness was one of the few things helping Muspell Sumemer, and when they saw that Laevatein wasn’t really mean, just unsure of how to go about feelings, they grew closer to both of them. 

They really love Laegjarn a lot and were hoping to end the war so they can treat her to a real relationship where she isn’t pressured. And because they basically adopted Laevatein as their younger sister, they also wanted to give her a childhood she never got. 

When Laegjarn sacrificed herself, they were beyond furious with Surtr for making her come to that. She didn’t need to die! She was his daughter for god’s sake! 

They didn’t show it, but they were heartbroken. When Laevatein attempted to do the same, they were one of the few who could get her to stop. They didn’t want to lose her too. 

After Surtr’s death, Muspell Sumemer stuck around to take care of Laevatein. She knew how they felt about Laegjarn and was really grateful they were helping her, even if she was not used to free-will and choice. 

She learns magic tricks to surprise them, but what makes it funnier is that she’s very stiff and monotone about it, so she’s like “is this your card...” and stares back at them, and even though it isn’t they nod. 

Muspell Sumemer is very calm after everything, and they visit a Laegjarn’s grave sometimes and just fill her in. When they summon her, they realize this wasn’t the one they knew, but it was still nice to see her smiling, in any timeline. They’re grateful to have known her. 

Hel Sumemer

Hel Sumemer isn’t exactly the classic definition of a ‘sumemer’ tbh. They were a previous Askran summoner, who Hel decided to keep around for her army. 

Being in the void made them forget their previous traits, and sometimes they even forget who they were before. All they remember was strategizing and....a man named Lif. 

Being brought up in the battlefield once more is exceptionally tiring for the poor summoner, and they feel something...weird...Like they shouldn’t be doing this? Why does this place look so familiar anyhow? And why does the prince look similar to that man? 

If they are summoned by the Askran sumemer, they are a bit more free and out of Hel’s control. They can remember bits and pieces of their past and some of their personality comes back as well. 

Alfonse is very important to them, since they served the prince when they were summoned, and the fact that he looks like a near splitting image of Lif doesn’t help. 

After being in Askr for a while, they definitely become a lot more of a joker. Not as much as the Askran sumemer, but a good amount. Askran sumemer thinks of them like a role model, and has complimented them on their use of black and THAT EYELINER GAME THO!! 

Askran sumemer kinda wishes they had their outfit but you didn’t hear that from me

Alfonse likes to ask questions about the past, and what Hel Sumemer can remember, they tell him. 

He also gets curious if they are his ancestor, but they admit that as much as they loved Lif, they did not end up with him. They can’t remember if they even married someone afterwards, and Alfonse gets a bit sad. 

Sharena tries to get them to see the future, showing them different styles of clothing and new foods that they might like to try. They have a blast with her. 

Their dedication to Lif still hasn’t waned, since they were summoned to help him, but they also realize how dire the situation is in Askr and wants to help. That being said, if they had to fight Lif, they wouldn’t. They’d surrender almost immediately. 

Lif cannot remember them, so he doesn’t really think of them as something worth befriending or getting close to. In a strange turn of events though, he can feel a sort of pang in his cold, dead, chest that tells him to not hurt you. But it’s rare for him to actually listen to that. 

If Hel Sumemer has stayed in Askr for a long time, they become back to their old self. They still wear the edgy armor because, like Askran Sumemer, they are WEAK to black clothes, but overall, they’ve become a lot happier and more goofy. 

Their strategies though, can range from god-tier to drunk messes. No one knows what they’re gonna get that day, but as long as they don’t have to fight against Hel with nothing but a three star Odin, they’re fine. 

One of the coolest old people you’ll ever meet. They still look young, but since they were from generations back, they know a lot of cool things. How to make an owl speak ancient Askran (NO ONE KNOWS HOW THEY DO IT) and how to cook a feast using nothing but three bones and some mushrooms (also questionable but very useful)

A/n: tbh I know these weren’t exactly like ‘funny’ and it was kinda angsty but I just feel like they’d have a much harder time dealing than say Askran or Emblian sumemer. That’s just my opinion tho and I’m so sorry for making it angsty