#anxious and insecure patton

[part-time-zombie]

The best part of seeing the other sides in virgils room and impacted by its effects is realizing what happens when they each get anxious, and what their anxieties are about.

Roman is worried that he said something wrong, or that he didn't do a good job. He's scared he's messing things up.

Patton is afraid of losing the people he cares about.

Logan... poor logan is just worried that he'll end up boring people with what he has to say. He's so insecure about others criticizing his work that the idea of people getting frustrated with him talking is his most prevalent source of anxiety.

And this is what happened immediately after he said that...

[esmereldapearl]

I feel like Roman is made out to be someone who just hurts peoples feelings, is rude and doesnt care about others- only himself, in the fandom.

I’m not going to excuse him being unnecessarily mean to Virgil or Logan at the start, but I do think he’s realized how it wasn’t okay. It could’ve been where Patton took the moral lead and Roman followed suit, saying mean things towards people Patton says aren’t good people. When someone tells you something isn’t good, you’re likely to immediately trust that and be over-critical of their flaws. That seems to be the case with Virgil, with Logan it’s probably because Logan shuts down every idea of Roman’s. Neither of these are excuses, but an explanation. He has apologized to both of them, very sincerely.

With Janus, he did like him at first. Janus was playing into what Roman really wanted, the callback. He played into his insecurities too it seems, saying how he liked the new outfits;

Roman: “Ugh, I hate this guy and his creepy snake face. However, he is very kind”

Janus: “Love the new outfit Roman.”

Roman is afraid of failure, it’s hinted at in a way in Accepting Anxiety when he starts getting anxious. To have someone tell you that something you helped with is good, will make them feel better and less anxious about failing in the moment or from then on. When someone compliments you, sometimes they will stick for a while because it was something that lifted you up when you probably needed it. Janus however, seemed to be using it to his own advantage. Virgil knew this I think, because Janus tried to do it with him too but he shot that down quickly.

Roman felt inclined to trust him since he was on his side while everyone else was not. Janus in SVS says how he doesn’t have to flatter Roman anymore, he has what he needed. I would talk about his relationship with Remus, but I don’t have enough information to piece together what might’ve happened.

In reality, Roman cares a lot more about his friends than what meets the eye. You can see this in the Secret Santa’s when he made Logan Sherlock fanfiction since he knew Logan liked it, and when he had Janus, he still picked something nice for him. He put thoughts into the gifts he gets people. With Virgil, he called him brave and they’ve became closer, most likely because they understand each-others pain.

I might add onto this later, my brain just isn’t working.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Switched Around

Okay so I know you don't usually do this type of thing but this idea is stuck in my head so may I ask for a Sanders sides fic were there roles are switched around? It could be because of a curse or it could just be like that from the start. The roles and reasons are as follows. Roles: Roman: Anxiety. Remus: Deceit. Virgil: "Good" Creativety. Janus: Logic. Patton: "Bad" Creativity. Logan: Morality. Reasons: Roman: We need more anxious and/or insecure Roman. Remus: IDK just fit. Virgil: We need more confident Virgil. Janus: IDK just fit. Patton: Just Patton accidentally yelling "NOW FUCK!" or something like that. Logan: Just Logan not being able to not show his feelings. - uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none

Pairings: none, light prinxiety?

Word Count: 2045

In one universe, we know the Sides as follows: Patton, ever stringent Morality, Logan, the voice of Logic and Reason, Virgil, Anxiety and sarcasm personified, Janus as doubt and Deceit, and the twins, Roman and Remus as Creativity.

In another...the anxious Side waits for a group meeting to start.

Roman curls up in the corner of the living room, hunched around a pillow in the armchair, rubbing his left hand in his lap. His eyes are fixed on the stairs, unseeing, even as he mumbles to himself that the others should be here by now, they should be downstairs, we have to meet about things, did I get the time wrong? What if it was earlier and I missed it? What if it's not even today and I already missed it? What if—

"Roman?"

Roman startles terribly, looking over to see Logan standing next to him. He reaches out—slowly, slow enough that Roman can see his intentions and decide whether or not he's okay with being touched—and settles his hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright," he murmurs, rubbing slow circles with his thumbs, "you're alright. It's only me."

"…hi, Logan."

"Hello." Logan tilts his head. "What were you thinking about?"

"Just, y'know, things."

"Bullshit!"

Unlike Logan, Remus seems to relish in startling Roman, or making him second-guess himself (if only for a moment) and it seems today is no exception. Roman startles so badly that he almost knocks the lamp over, glaring at Remus as he appears in his normal spot just next to the stairs. Remus, not daunted at all by the glower, waggles his fingers in greeting.

"I smell bullshit, Roman," he sing-songs, pointing a finger at him, "fess up!"

"R-Remus!"

"Remus," Logan seconds, sounding much sterner than Roman, "there's no need to be cruel."

"Ugh, 'cruel,'" Remus groans, leaning against the railing, "it's fine. Roman's just stuck in his little spirals again, like always."

"Still, there is no need to be unkind about it."

"Yeah, Remus, you don't need to be such a jerk to me all the time."

"Of course I do."

"No, you don't! It's—"

"He's lying, Roman."

"...I knew that."

The way Remus's grin widens says he's just about to crow that that was bullshit too when someone else rises up onto the stairs, making him tumble off the railing with a squeal.

"Sorry I'm late," Virgil says, lounging against the steps and shaking his hair from his face, "got caught up in something."

"No worries, Virgil, not everyone's arrived yet."

"Yup, I can see that." Virgil tilts his head when he notices Logan's protective stance over Roman and the way Remus is bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Roman? You okay?"

"Yep," Roman says, not meeting his eyes, "I'm fine."

"Lie!"

Virgil glances back and forth between the two of them, before sighing and reaching out to put Remus in a headlock. Remus squeaks and squirms but Virgil holds on. "Are you riling Roman up on purpose?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, what're you going to—" Virgil tightens his hold— "ack! Okay, okay, I give, jeez, you're such a party pooper."

Virgil lets go and Remus splutters, adjusting his costume and sticking his tongue out at a truly indifferent Virgil, already back to lounging on the steps.

"Should've known a knight couldn't resist a damsel in distress."

"I'm not a damsel," Roman mumbles, even though the idea of being saved like one does sound kinda nice…

"On the contrary," says a voice he'd rather didn't overhear that little interaction, "I'm afraid that Roman did indeed fulfill the role of damsel quite nicely in this case."

"Janus," Logan nods, "good to see you."

"I apologize for my tardiness," Janus says, adjusting his gloves as he looks around the room, "but I had reached a crucial point in my thesis and couldn't leave before I'd written it down."

"Ah, how is that going?"

"Better than anticipated." He nods to Virgil. "You were right, once I began writing, the ideas just…flowed."

Virgil tips him a lazy two-fingered salute.

"Is that everyone?" Janus glances at the empty spot by the window. "Oh, no, where's Patton?"

"Dunno. Last I saw him he was in the Imagination trying to come up with a Disney-appropriate version of…oh, I forget which fairytale."

Roman perks up a little. "Disney?"

"Unfortunately not actual Disney," Virgil says, winking, "but something equally as sanitized and, uh, market-friendly."

"Something far more indicative of a greedy corporation looking to squeeze numbers out of the human act of creation," Janus says dryly as Virgil turns to look at him in shock, "what?"

"Never thought I'd see you rise so passionately to my defense, 's all."

"Please." Janus rolls his eyes. "I'm hardly riding to your rescue."

"And yet I appreciate it all the same."

"Sorry I'm late!"

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Roman thinks idly as Patton appears, glitter glinting off of his shirt and paint splashed across his hands. He fixes his glasses with a grin and claps his hands, sending a shower of glitter everywhere.

"I just got so caught up with work," Patton says, "do you have any idea how horrifying old fairytales used to be? Carving off parts of themselves to fit into glass slippers, ugh, so morbid and gross…whatever happened to all those nice stories?"

"Y'know that fairytales haven't always been, like, just for kids, right?"

"It's true," Janus adds when Patton's mouth opens incredulously, "in fact, a lot of what we consider now to be fairytales are simply collections of stories from other writers that rewrote tales as they saw fit. Many of them have been told and retold so many times that it's almost impossible to determine their original constituents."

"…yeah, I was gonna say that too."

"Bullshit."

"I'll put you in another headlock."

"Alright," Logan says, raising his voice slightly as the others start to bicker, his hand still warm on Roman's shoulder, "now that we're all here, shall we begin?"

A few grumbles and rustles as the group settles and Roman glances up. Logan adjusts his glasses and folds his hands in front of him.

"Now, tonight is dinner and movie night, as we all know. It is Janus's turn to cook—"

"Did you all fill out the survey for what you want for dinner?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh."

"Sure did!"

"I did, yeah."

"You didn't put anything else on there, right?"

"No, Remus, I didn't."

"Shit."

Janus pinches the bridge of his nose. "I'll have a look at the results before I start."

"Thank you. And we have yet to select the movie for tonight."

"Ooh," Patton says, clapping his hands, "Disney!"

"We've watched Disney movies for the last, like, four movie nights."

"Indeed." Janus sniffs. "There's only so many musicals I can tolerate."

"Plus," Remus adds, oddly sober for once, "they're boring."

Roman winces as Patton draws himself up indignantly, instinctively turning toward the chair for a bit of protection as the yelling starts.

"'Boring?' I'm sorry, did you just say boring? What about adventure and heroism is boring? What about learning powerful lessons and the value of love and friendship is boring? What about seeing all of these characters grow and learn and come together is boring?"

"It is rather formulaic," Janus says, loathed as he looks to be agreeing with Remus, "good triumphs over bad, the princess—or her archetypal stand-in—finds the strength in herself, the villains are defeated through a combination of genre-appropriate competence and abstract morality—no offense, Logan."

"None taken." Logan looks at Patton. "I…find myself agreeing. I'd rather not watch another Disney movie tonight."

Patton splutters. "Well—Roman wants to watch Disney, right?"

Oh, no, why did this conversation turn to me? I didn't say anything!

"Right, Roman?"

"I—um—"

"Hey," Virgil says, sitting up a little bit, "leave him out of this."

"We're all supposed to be having a discussion," Patton says, "I don't see why I can't ask Roman to weigh in on it!"

"That wasn't what you did, Patton, you just volleyed Roman in front of you without asking his opinion."

"I'm asking for it now!"

"Enough," Logan says, reaching out to touch Roman's shoulder again, "Roman? Do you have an opinion on the movie?"

Oh, god. Oh, god, now everyone's looking at me. Everyone's looking at me and they're gonna expect me to have an answer and I don't have one but I need to have one—oh, god, okay, think, think of what movie I'd want to watch—what's a movie?

"Roman?"

Roman's head snaps up on instinct as Patton speaks.

"Do…do you want to watch a Disney movie?"

"Don't lie," Remus calls, "I'll know."

He bites his lip and slowly shakes his head. Patton's face falls to disappointment and he scuffs his glittery toe along the now-glittery carpet.

"Fuck."

"What would you like to watch, Roman?"

"Um…" He glances around at the other faces. "What—what about The Bad Guys?"

Janus frowns. "Is that the Dreamworks movie?"

"Mhm. It's, um, it's based on a book series and it's about a bunch of animal—well, 'bad guys' that, uh, learn about what it means to be…good?"

Janus hums. "Go on."

"They—uh, from what I've seen of it, it's about them dealing with the prejudice that comes from being the animals they are and how much of 'bad guy' is forced upon them versus what it means to try and be good guys…a-and the animation style's really cool."

The room quiets.

"S-sorry, I know it's really similar to a Disney movie, it's supposed to be for kids, we don't have to watch it, we can just—"

"No, no," Logan says, interrupting him, "I'm… intrigued."

Roman glances up. "From what I've heard…there's also a character that's perceived as 'good' but his—he's not, really. Kind of an exploration there too."

"Ah, yes, I have heard of this one," Janus says, "I think I've seen a bit of it."

"O-oh."

"Roman's right, the animation is spectacular. And the story…while a bit simplistic is at least consistent to its own worldview once you get into it."

Roman glances at Remus. "One of the main characters is a snake who lies all the time."

"Sold!" Remus claps his hands. "We're watching this!"

"Well, I suppose that was easy enough." Logan glances at Janus. "How long do we expect dinner to take?"

"About forty minutes, give or take."

"Alright—shall we meet back down here at 6:30?"

"Works for me."

"Sure."

"Fine."

"See you then!"

Roman lets out a sigh of relief as the others begin to sink out. Logan pats him once more on the shoulder before he sinks out too, leaving him alone in the living room.

"Hey, little dragon."

Almost alone. Roman looks over to see Virgil standing up, crossing to the chair and leaning on the back. "Hi."

"Good job," he says, ruffling his hair, "I'm excited to watch the movie."

"That's...that's good."

Virgil chuckles. "You okay? I know how it can feel when Remus starts messing with you like that, you doing alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm…I'm okay."

"That's good."

"U-um—" Roman sits up as Virgil backs away— "c-can I sit next to you for the movie?"

Virgil blinks, then smiles. "Sure, little dragon. I'd like that."

"I—I'd like it too."

"It's a date."

Virgil winks and sinks out, leaving Roman staring at the spot where he'd been standing.

A—a date? Like a date-date? That wasn't what I was asking, why did he think that's what I meant? Do I want it to be a date-date? Wait, what if the others find out? Can I still sit next to him? What if I can't do it? What if he—oh, god, what if he tells the others it's a date-date?

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[oatmealdaydreams]

Fav Things to Write (SaSi)

A few things I like to write as a fanfic writer :D

Trigger/Content Warning: all-caps, suicidal characters mention, trauma (childhood, religious) mention, drinking/alcohol mention

[long post]

doomed-from-the-start Anxceit (best when familial)

platonic/familial Anxceitmus missing each other after Virgil left

platonic/familial Anxceitmus trying to figure out being a family again

platonic/familial Anxceit addressing their issues (finally)

any sort of platonic/familial hurt/comfort

Creativitwins hurt/comfort

the twins being there for each other <3

Remus angst

Patton and Janus being co-parents to Virgil

platonic/familial DLAMPR hurt/comfort

Roman angst (aka: him being insecure and needing some help)

TOUCH-STARVED SIDES FINALLY GETTING TOUCH

touch-starved dark Sides finally getting touch from the Lights because of past angst of the Darks being repressed and lonely

Dukexiety being brothers (specifically Virgil as an older brother and Remus as the younger one)

hurt/comfort in general

Roman when he gay panics

autistic Remus

autistic Logan

the Sides having to heal through some sort of trauma/grief

the Sides struggling through the denial stage of grief/trauma

Janus being a total mom (Momceit)

Janus being the mom to Remus and Virgil (especially from back when they were younger)

when one Side is having a panic attack and the other(s) are helping them through it & taking care of them

Remus with abandonment issues

the "Let me take care of you" situation

Remus begging the person who's comforting him to not leave cause he's scared they'll never come back (love doing this with the twins)

Roman with abandonment issues (being scared his comfort person will leave him)

taking creative burnout literally (like it literally burns the twins when they have burnout)

writing tall Virgil (cause Thomas has a "heightened" Anxiety)

short Janus

Orange calling everyone by their colours instead of their names

Patton angst

Patton going through very rough depression days

Remus struggling with his own intrusive thoughts

Everyone struggling with intrusive thoughts and Remus helping them out

one Side has a horrible nightmare that makes them scream, Remus sensing it and coming to help

Virgil sensing the Others' panic/anxiety

Janus being able to hear it when someone thinks a lie

Orange hearing jealous/angry thoughts

Virgil hearing fearful/anxious thoughts

Remus hearing everyone's intrusive thoughts

Logan angst

Logan thinking his worth is equal to what he can produce and literally everyone else disproving that

when one Side feels unloved and the other(s) showing them just how loved they are

projecting my trauma on my fav blorbos <3

twin angst

WHEN ONE SIDE IS NEEDING A HUG AND THE OTHER(S) HUG THEM TIGHT WITH ALL THEIR LOVE

Thomas hugging his Sides <3

any scenario that makes my readers cry (*cue evil laughter*)

suicidal Sides being proven that they're worth it and choosing to live longer

angst, all the angst

Roman being too gay to function

sleepy Sides needing to sleep but aren't because angst reasons

Logince, gay panic Logince

WHEN THE OTHERS TELL REMUS THAT THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND HIM BUT THEY'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM ANYWAYS

the others helping Remus with his intrusive thoughts

when one Side cards their hand through the other's hair

Janus stealing the others' warmth when he gets too cold and getting all cuddly and soft

Intruloceit where Remus and Janus decide to treat Logan better than the Lights do (and Virgil being like "as long as y'all are happy" and being supportive)

winged Sides

Remus having tentacles and hugging people with them (usually hugging Roman)

Both Remus and Roman having tentacles, Ro's are red and Re's are green, but Roman always hides them because he's very insecure about them

EMOTIONAL LOGAN

Patton secretly knowing all the dirty things and telling Remus this & Pat is like "no one will ever believe you >:3" and then continuing his innocence act like nothing happened

platonic Intruality hurt/comfort

the twins gossiping about their crushes together

the twins bonding by dualling each other in the Imagination

the Imagination being sentient and being a protective mom to the twins

Janus and Roman being dramatic with each other and indulging in the latest gossip together

Roman being the Ego and what that entails & all of that being addressed (finally)

Thomas loving on his Sides as they all heal together <3

Patton getting emotional/upset and his frog traits start to show as he gets more upset/emotional

Patton being insecure about his froggy traits (and Janus showing him it's okay)

VIRGIL HAVING A PET SPIDER OR FOUR

Virgil with spider traits

the twins being chaotic together

Naga Janus? Yus.

Cecaelia Remus -> f*ck yeah

hissing match between Janus and Virgil

Remus having the need to always be close to his family/friends because of touch-starvation and abandonment issues

nonbinary Sides

genderqueer Janus or genderfluid Janus

JANUS WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC MIGRAINES

disabled Sides

ADHD Roman & ADHD Patton

Virgil with an anxiety disorder

ptsd/c-ptsd Sides

religious trauma, my beloved <3

any childhood trauma because I love tormenting my blorbos

Janus needing to use a cane

Janus with either burn scars or vitiligo

Janus and Logan being wine drinkers

the Darks helping the Lights get over their people-pleasing habits

Janus being a huge self-care advocate (so is Remus since he lives with Janus; Virgil also because he used to live with the Darks)

the Darks calling each other freaks (affectionate)

And so much more!

May add on to this later, we'll see :D

[nova-they-exist-yup]

Uhhh idk I think tumblr may have eated my last ask. So I'm resending.

Anyways, you mentioned how Roman had his opinion of Mind being influenced by Heart. What are the other four sides' perceptions of Heart do you think? What effects does his... behaviour have on them?

Also Soul and Mind probably either don't trust Patton or think he's way nicer than Heart lol. Soul wants to protect him in a potentially self-destructive way since he's someone else's feelings by asking him to leave them all alone, whilst Mind might respect him more cos he's known as morality. Those are my thoughts at least. Do you have any?

I feel bad for not replying to this one even tho it’s a resend so I’m gonna answer some of the additional questions here too-

Tbh you do make a good point, Mind probably would respect him more because he’s Morality, but the resemblance of his role and Heart’s just triggers something in Mind.

Which also does remind me…

When I first made this AU, I thought it’d be neat that Logan would be a robot. (I put this into my design for him but I may or may not scrap it, we’ll see.) I also headcanon that Mind has mechanical prosthetic hands, and his voice modulator is also machinery. You know what that means????

Yup that’s right Mind’s jealous!!! He thinks he should be more robotic, considering that he’s a broader concept that Logan and he’s a robot. Besides, his whole insecurity of needing to be more synthetic is just dksgdjdbsjdhsjdh. It’s part of my interpretation of him that I love and you cannot stop me from including this in the AU.

Now to your first additional question:

Also, on a scale from the most to least convinced of Heart’s manipulation, it goes: Roman, Patton, Logan, Virgil, Remus, Janus. I put Roman at the top because he does NOT trust Janus at all, who is the main one who is saying that he’s manipulating everyone. Patton views him as a son, and he trusts what people say, but yet again, he does trust Janus. Logan is below him because I feel he does notice the signs of manipulation, but he doesn’t think it’ll have any lasting consequences. Virgil is next because he was already anxious meeting Heart, and then being given proof of him being not as good as he seems threw him off. He does think Heart can change though (or at least hopes). Remus is next because he trusts Janus a lot, and he’s close with Soul who knows for a fact that Heart lies and manipulates. So he’s like “ah. I see. Welp time to give him a beating” and then comes up with cruel pranks bc he thinks Heart deserves them. Janus catches up to all the manipulation, being Deceit and all. And he also has a good enough relationship with Soul to know about Heart’s tendency to manipulate. AND he’s also close enough with Mind to get a view from his perspective, as Heart’s enemy.

When/If Heart has an outburst like he did in RoE, then shit would go DOWN.

Firstly, Logan, Virgil, Remus, and Janus would have their suspicions proved and would trust him far less than before. Logan and Virgil would still have hope, but Remus and Janus would not. Roman would have an “Are we the bad guys?” moment while Patton freaks out and lies to himself to convince himself that Heart is more than that, and that he is truly good. This would also cause Janus and Patton to argue, with Janus telling Patton to admit the facts and Patton telling Janus that Heart is more than a man who hurts people. Patton’s relationship with Mind would falter more as well.

So… yeah. Thanks for all the questions!

[tss-storytime-summaries]

2

Expected Rating: Teen

Warnings: Bullying, peer pressure, toxic friendship (they all love each other just bad at communication), panic attacks, self degrading thoughts, nightmares, swords, swearing, Remus being himself, manipulation courtesy of Janus, lying, black and white morality, fighting and yelling, divorced parents, strict parents, not being listened to, monsters and gore.

Characters: Janus, Remus, Virgil, Roman, Logan, Patton

Romantic relationships: Intrulogical maybe and moceit maybe, still not sure

Summary: Remus- loud, crude, doesn't know the definition of tact. Janus- smart, cunning, manipulative and a complete control freak. Virgil- anxious, an overthinker, highly insecure and has an overwhelming fear of abondenment.

What do these three have in common? An overwhelming fear of change and the unknown.

So what will they do when they, quite literally, are sucked into facing it?

An Amphibia AU for those familiar with the show.

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

Friends? (pt 1 Logan /4)

Soulmates? (Unhappy Accidents): Part 1, Part 2

Friends?: •, Patton, Roman, Part 4

Word count: 2595

Rating: teen

Pairings: platonic Analogical, Anxceitmus, background Royalogicality

Warnings: anxiety, strained relationships

~~~START~~~

My apologies, but I am running fifteen minutes late  

Virgil felt his heart rate spike just from reading the text. Logan was considerate enough to text him forty minutes before they were supposed to meet up, but Virgil was already almost to his destination. Now forty-five minutes early.  

Ever since the accident two months ago, just being in a car was enough to give him a panic attack. Even when he was walking sometimes if a car was coming his way, no matter how slowly or how far away, he’d freeze up in fear, praying it would stop before it ran him over. It was so bad that even when he took the bus — somehow the least stressful form of transportation for him — he had to have his head buried in his phone the whole time, lest he notice a car outside slightly too close for comfort.  

Knowing how public transportation was, coupled with an anxious desire to be slightly early, Virgil had given himself a half hour cushion time, none of which had been used up.  

He could still go to the café he and Logan had planned to meet at, but then he’d be faced with a dilemma, order a drink and wait out the time, or wait out the time without ordering anything. If he ordered a drink, he’d likely finish it before Logan got there and would then either awkwardly not have a drink while Logan got his own drink, or order a second drink and risk getting too wired. But if he ordered nothing and just hung out, he’d feel like the employees would hate him, he’d be taking up space without actually funding the function of said space — which was basically trespassing.  

Virgil spent the final ten minutes of his bus ride in an anxiety spiral.  

Caffeine was definitely out of the question, and Virgil was beginning to resign himself to the employees hating him when he noticed a bookstore right next to the café. A bookstore was perfect! He could kill time without feeling like a nuisance.  

He ended up wandering the bookstore thinking more about how he got here than the books themselves.  

A couple weeks before the accident, he’d been laid off from his job, and then after the accident, he could barely stand to leave the house at all. He’d never had many friends, and then he was only ever talking to Janus and Remus — except for that one day when they’d gone to Remus’s brother’s house to talk to Virgil and Janus’s soulmates… 

He hadn’t wanted to contact them afterwards — not because they didn’t seem nice, but because he thought Janus and Remus might be upset. He thought Janus would be upset because he hated the concept of soulmates and only accepted Virgil because they’d been together for years before either of them had known about the connection; and he thought Remus might be upset because of how insecure he was about both his brother and the topic of soulmates.  

In the end, it was Janus who snapped at him to “stop looking like a kicked puppy and call them if it means so much to you!” 

He’d decided to start with Logan because he seemed to be the one that Remus liked best. Logan had been quite amenable — to use his words — to hanging out explicitly in a friendship capacity and had suggested a café halfway between Virgil’s home and Logan’s university.  

Five minutes before Logan was set to arrive, Virgil entered the café with a small bag from the bookstore containing a book on snakes and a toy octopus whose eyes popped out of its head when you squeezed it — he couldn’t just leave the store empty handed after wandering around it for so long. Virgil sat at a table, and exactly fifteen minutes after their previously scheduled meeting time, Logan Sanders walked through the door.  

Logan was wearing a crisp black polo shirt and a blue tie, leaving Virgil feeling awkwardly underdressed in his well-worn hoodie — which he had luckily not been wearing the day of the accident.  

“Hello Virgil,” Logan greeted him, making a beeline straight for Virgil’s table rather than the counter to order. “I hope I did not inconvenience you too much.” 

“Uh, no, it’s all good,” Virgil shrugged awkwardly.  

“Ah, I see you have already discovered the bookstore next door,” Logan observed, gesturing to the bag on the table. “I suppose my undiscussed idea to go there after coffee can be crossed off the list of potential activities.” 

Virgil’s face grew hot. Of course Logan had plans beyond coffee, and of course those plans involved books! How could Virgil be so stupid! 

“S-sorry,” Virgil managed to stutter over the staccato of his heart. “I didn't mean to ruin your plans.” 

“Not at all,” Logan waved him off. “I did not discuss my idea with you, and I had no expectations that you were a mind reader. There are plenty of other activities around here, the bookstore is just one thought of many. Have you ordered yet?” 

“Um, no, I was waiting for you.” 

“Excellent! Then allow me to treat you, as remuneration for my tardiness.” 

“Isn’t anticipating your thoughts supposed to be one of those soulmate things?” Virgil asked as they got in line, still hung up on the bookstore.  

“Not at all. In fact, I find open and explicit communication to be much more effective than relying on some sort of soulmate-driven precognition — heaven knows that if I tried to anticipate Roman or Patton’s desires without speaking to either of them first that I would, at least half the time, be wrong.” 

“Right,” Virgil answered, still somewhat skeptical.  

“And even if that were not the case,” Logan continued. “You have met me on two separate occasions, and on neither of those occasions did my love of books come up.” 

Virgil couldn’t press the matter further — not that he particularly wanted to — as they were the next to order. Virgil ordered a plain coffee with cream and sugar since it would be the cheapest option, while Logan ordered a surprisingly foofy drink.  

“Roman called my order of a black coffee ‘boring’ and insisted I try this once,” Logan explained after he’d paid, noticing Virgil’s raised eyebrow. “I am quite hooked.” 

Virgil shrugged, fair enough. Remus had certainly turned him onto his fair share of odd orders over the years.  

“So, what else is there to do around here?” Virgil asked as they waited for their orders. He had expected coffee to be the entire thing, he hadn’t put any thought into other activities.  

“There are quite a few stores we could look at, including an odd gift shop and a music store that has quite an impressive array; there are also three different museums in the area, an aquarium if you don’t mind a slightly longer walk, and a park. I am, of course, open to any other suggestions you may have, but these are the things I know about.” As Logan spoke, Virgil looked for any twitch in his face, any tone in his voice that might suggest which option was his preferred one, but Logan’s genuine demeanor gave nothing away. He sounded just as interested in one option as the next, it seemed it was up to Virgil to choose which one he wanted to do.  

“A music store sounds good,” Virgil said, somewhat noncommittally so he could change his answer if Logan seemed disappointed.  

Logan’s face lit up. “Excellent. The music store it is.” 

Coffee in hand, Virgil followed Logan down the street and around the corner to a music store absolutely stuffed with CDs, vinyl, and cassette tapes. The sheer amount of stuff in such a relatively small space was overwhelming.  

“I know that not everyone is a fan of structured time,” Logan said as Virgil took in the organized chaos. “And I certainly respect if all you would like to do is casually look around, but I have a suggestion if you’d like to have an activity.” 

“Yeah, activity is good,” Virgil shrugged, shoving his free hand into his pocket to hide his nerves.  

“In the interest of full disclosure, this activity is adapted from one of Roman’s favorite date night activities, but I do not believe that there is anything inherently romantic about the activity itself.” 

“Sure.” From what Virgil knew about Roman, romance was kinda his thing, so whether or not this activity would cross any of Virgil’s boundaries — and whether or not Virgil would let it — was now another entry on Virgil’s list of worries.  

“When Roman, Patton and I are here, we are each tasked with finding an album for one of our partners that combines our musical tastes with theirs. I do not know your musical tastes and I do not believe you know mine, so if you’d like, I suggest a music exchange where I will find you an album that I feel is important to me, and you find an album important for you.” 

“Important how?” Virgil asked nervously. Logan was right that this wasn’t inherently romantic, but music was something that could get intensely personal very quickly and Virgil was not ready to bear his soul to Logan.  

“In any way you choose to interpret it,” Logan answered. “It could be something your parents liked to listen to when you were young, it could be an album that has your favorite song on it, it could be something you pretended to hate in middle school; you do not have to justify your reasoning to me, I merely thought this could be an enjoyable icebreaker, so to speak.” 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Virgil shrugged, mind already racing with possibilities. “Sounds good.” 

“Excellent! Let us reconvene in ten minutes, unless you feel like you need more time, of course.” 

“Sure.” 

It took Virgil a couple minutes to figure out the layout of the store, and then the whole rest of the allotted time was spent trying to choose an album that he knew well enough to justify its importance, but he was emotionally removed enough from that Logan wouldn’t be able to read too much into it. When he finally ran out of time, he panicked and grabbed a CD of The Black Parade — an album he was decidedly not emotionally removed from — before rushing to meet Logan back at the front of the store.  

“Hello Virgil, did you find something?” Logan asked, Virgil had noticed him wandering around the store too, but he didn’t look nearly as anxious as Virgil felt — what if Logan hated emo music and decided never to talk to Virgil again? 

“Yeah…” Virgil fiddled with the plastic case in his hands. “It’s stupid.” 

“No such thing,” Logan replied, matter-of-factly. “If you asked Patton to do this, he would likely bring you a CD from the television program Arthur; Roman would likely choose multiple CDs as one would not be enough; I do not consider either of these choices to be ‘stupid’.” 

“The… the children’s cartoon?” 

“Yes.”  

“…okay. Uh, here,” Virgil shoved the MCR CD at him. “Is that how this works?” 

“Thank you, Virgil. This one is for you.” 

Logan handed him a CD of 8 Mile. Virgil blinked at it. People could like any genre, of course, but Logan did not strike him as a rap guy.  

“This is the first thing I bought when I got my first paycheck,” Logan explained.  

“C-cool,” Virgil shifted uncomfortably, he hadn’t offered an explanation for his choice, and he wouldn’t unless Logan asked for one, but he still felt like he was failing at something. “Um, what do we do now?” 

“We can look around some more if you would like. I do not mind if you don’t buy the CD, picking one out was just meant to be a small activity.” 

“No, it’s cool. I, uh, I don’t have this one.” Logan smiled and the knot in Virgil’s chest loosened a little. Logan didn’t hate him and he wasn’t completely bombing this social interaction.  

Virgil and Logan spent almost an hour looking around the store together and discussing music. Virgil did end up buying 8 Mile, as well as a couple albums for himself; Logan bought The Black Parade. After the music store, they actually did go back to the bookstore so Logan could purchase a few items from his personal wishlist.  

“Where did you park?” Logan asked as they were wrapping up at the bookstore.  

“I didn’t. I took the bus here.” Virgil had actually been enjoying himself, to the point where he’d completely forgotten that he'd need to take the bus home, but now that thought was at the forefront of his mind. He needed to look up the bus schedule.  

“Ah, well if you would like, I could drive you home.” Virgil knew he’d been trying to be friendly, to help Virgil get home quicker, but Virgil's heart still tried to leap out of his chest at the suggestion.  

“No thanks!” He said, much too quickly. “I mean, it’s fine, I like the bus.” 

Logan gave him a strange look, but nodded anyway. “If that is what you wish.” 

“Yeah. Uh, bye.” 

“Goodbye Virgil, I hope the rest of your day is satisfactory.” 

“Yeah, you too.” 

^(^.^)^ 

Virgil's heart didn’t stop pounding until he was off the bus, standing a block down from his building. Logan’s innocent suggestion to take a car had put Virgil so on edge that his phone was barely enough to keep him from having a panic attack on the bus.  

Much to his surprise, Janus and Remus were both sitting at the apartment’s kitchen table when he finally made it up to his floor. Remus’s head whipped around to stare at him with the most heartbreakingly anxious look in his eye while Janus stayed staring straight ahead, a tightening around his eyes was the only indication he’d noticed Virgil’s arrival.  

“Um, hey,” Virgil waved at Remus awkwardly, hoping that would be enough to get his boyfriend to stop staring at him like that.  

“You’re back late,” Janus commented, still not looking at him.  

Virgil frowned. “Sorry, mom, I didn’t realize I had a curfew.” 

Janus’s fingers twitched around the coffee mug he was holding.  

“Damn right you do, young man!” Remus said suddenly, slightly too loud and with a forced-playful look in his eye. “Your mother and I have been worried sick!” 

Virgil rolled his eyes and tried to get a handle on his temper. “I got you both something.” 

He tossed the octopus at Remus and set the book down in front of Janus, more forcefully than necessary. Janus stared at the book, taken aback; Remus put the octopus in his mouth and shook it like a dog with a toy.  

“Thanks, Virgie!” Remus said after spitting the now wet toy into his hand. “Love you!” 

“Love you too.” Most of the anxiousness had drained from Remus’s face, and the rest disappeared at Virgil’s words.  

Janus pulled the book to him and tapped his fingers on the cover a few times before speaking. “And how was Logan?” 

“Fine,” Virgil answered quickly. “Good. It was good. Nice to hangout with someone as a friend — been a while… since I’ve had a friend.”  

With every word, Virgil could feel himself losing confidence, but when he was done, Janus turned to him with a soft look in his eye.  

“Good, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” 

Tension he hadn’t even known he’d been holding drained out of Virgil’s shoulders as he returned Janus’s smile.  

“Yeah, it was good.” 

~~~END~~~

I love writing Logan, he can just explain everything without the dialog reading as weird

I got rear ended a few months ago and ever since I’ve been really anxious about cars coming up behind me when I’m stopped (I was stopped at a stoplight when the guy behind me for some unfathomable reason thought the light had turned green and just didn’t realize that I wasn’t moving?), and I can only imagine how bad my anxiety would be if I had actually gotten injured

Soulmates? taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @aeternum-ablaze @misunderstood-shadowling @vash-the-trans-catboy @dazzling-in-diamonds

[fangirltothefullest]

I just saw an artwork where each of the sides eyes are different colours- Patton's was light blue like his colour scheme, Roman had green like Remus and Remus had red like Roman's colour. Virgil had the purple and teal like his puppet and Janus had yellow and the snake eye was green I think? But then there was Logan with no-nonsense brown and I had this thought that what if a sides eye colour goes to being Thomas's brown for different reasons? Like maybe being earnest with Thomas, trying to be honest or serious with him? Like what if Logan's eyes start to look deep blue/indigo because Thomas isn't listening to him or Romans eyes turn green because he's feeling insecure and only when they're comfortable do they look brown again. So Virgil, who is always uncomfortably anxious, will always have the teal and purple but when his makeup goes all sparkly, his eyes go brown because he's vibing. So when Janus is uncomfortably at making someone upset by his lies his eyes glow gold, or when Patton is guilty they go blue or when Logan is worried or startled for being passionate or too much, they go indigo. Remus's eyes are almost always brown because he's comfortable with what he's doing and himself, but they flash red whenever he's being deliberately stifled and ignored.

I dunno just some thoughts!

[beauty-and-passion]

So, we all know at this point that Orange is Wrath... so, which of the other Seven Deadly Sins would you assign to each of the Sides?

I didn't expect it, but answering this question has been incredibly easy. I mean, some of them were pretty obvious, others... a bit less. But here they are:

Remus: LUST

Do I really have to explain why? I think he can explain it by himself:

Janus: GREED

This man runs Thomas' Patreon and his way to promote it was like "Hi, it's me, Janus. Give me money". It's a very persuasive advertisement, sure, but it also shows how much this man loves money.

Also money helps a lot when you want to “survive” in society. And considering Janus wants to protect Thomas from it, money are a great help.

Virgil: SLOTH

Virgil is always vigilant, but Virgil is also the same guy who said to Thomas "go to sleep" at 4pm and refuses to do too many things because "oh no, too much pressure".

Also, sloth is an excessive laziness or "the failure to act and utilize one’s talents" and this is what Virgil does, in a certain way: by being anxious, he doesn’t just protect Thomas from dangerous things, but harmless ones too - thus impeding him from literally using his talents.

Roman: PRIDE

Do I really have to explain why? I know he's an insecure mess, but he's also the same guy who puts the word "ME" before everything else. He dedicated a song to Virgil for his birthday, by ending it with "sure, sure, your birthday, but also MEEEE".

And do I have to remind you of his first words in the 5 years special anniversary? He was literally crying tears of joy because "Oh, you had me for 5 years! And yes, the others too but who cares".

Also, well, he's Thomas Ego and the Ego is prideful by nature.

Logan: ENVY

Why is Logan envy? Easy: envy is "a sad or resentful covetousness towards the traits or possessions of someone else".

And what do the other Sides have that Logan has not? They are all listened to. They are all able to get Thomas' attention better than him.

And yes, I know Logan would probably die before admitting it, but this man craves what the other Sides have and he just cannot admit it.

Patton: GLUTTONY

I know Logan scarves down Crofters jams as if they’re nothing, but Patton isn’t a saint when it comes to food either.

This man loves to eat and he’s willing to eat anything. No matter if it’s yummy Crofters, pizza leftovers, a second cookie or half a sandwich Janus may or may not have purposely given to him: Patton will eat it. And he won’t leave any crumbles.

[selfdestructivecat]

Random Virgil Headcanon Time because I don’t wanna write my paper (featuring Prinxiety because I am also trash in that respect)

Virgil loves to draw. Not only is it fun, but it’s also very therapeutic for him. When Virgil has nothing to do, his brain is firing insecurity after insecurity at him, so he’s constantly looking for distractions. Drawing is an extremely easy distraction, since he could carry a pencil and notepad with him in the pockets of his hoodie and, when the thoughts get too loud, he could simply whip out the notepad and start doodling whenever he wanted.

Practice makes perfect, and after years of drawing, Virgil’s gotten pretty good. His typical art style is… surprising, to say the least. Usually, when he’s drawing for fun, his style is very cutesy, energetic, and stylistic. However, sometimes Virgil’s anxiety is so loud that his art shifts from solid character designs into distorted scenes, jagged and overlapping lines and shadows smeared with his thumb clashing in a vivid, horrifying image of his most pressing fears. If one were to flip through one of Virgil’s sketchbooks, it would be an extremely jarring experience, given how you would see pages of cute and bubbly characters contrasting against vague, foreboding scenes.

While Roman strives for perfection in every piece of art he makes, Virgil tries not to get caught up on the intricacies of his art. He knows he’ll never be as good as Roman. Not even close. So he doesn’t bother trying, seeing art as something for him to enjoy privately. Besides, he’s not drawing with the intent to become an extremely talented artist. He simply draws because he likes to.

Virgil never intends to share his art with anyone. He can’t think of anything more mortifying, having both his dark and brooding persona shattered and his deepest fears revealed in one go. Most of all, Virgil wants Roman to stay far away from his art. He already receives enough insults and glares from the Prince. He doesn’t think he could keep it together if the embodiment of Creativity criticized the Anxious Side’s few instances of creative expression.

But of course, given Virgil’s rotten luck, the others find out. It’s a few weeks after his acceptance, and the others are acting much friendlier towards him, which may have been why he let his guard down.

For once, it’s actually Logan’s fault, the Logical Side picking up one of Virgil’s small notepads that was carelessly left behind. Assuming that it belongs to Roman, Logan absent-mindlessly flips through the pages, wondering if the book contained any new video ideas that Roman was brainstorming (and if Logan could get a head start on these ideas, that would be most satisfactory. He is nothing if not punctual, after all). Instead, he’s surprised to see quick, imperfect lines and expressive characters, the style a clear deviation from Roman’s detailed landscapes and hyper-realistic portraits.

He first goes to Patton, associating the bubbly style with the cheerful Moral Side. Of course, it doesn’t belong to Patton, although Patton is quick to praise the art and gush over the adorable characters. Roman is summoned next, because maybe Logan had a lapse of judgement, and these were simply more experimental art pieces from him.

Roman is stunned. In the back of his mind, the perfectionist in him is cataloging the tiny, technical flaws in each piece, but it’s almost completely drowned out by how much feeling each drawing has. Even the characters in their cutesy style and dynamic poses all have such an energy to it that Roman immediately adores, and he can’t help but smile as he keeps turning the pages, wondering who was hiding such talent in the Mindscape.

And then he turns another page and is met with a sea of thrashing monsters, all indistinguishable from each other in a shadowed mass of ink, and all three Sides realize exactly who the sketchbook belongs to.

Before they can do anything, they hear a sharp gasp. All of them whip around to see the recently accepted Virgil standing at the foot of the stairs, looking between them and the open sketchbook with rising horror.

The others saw them. They saw his disgustingly cute art and his horrifying vent pieces and oh my god Roman saw them he’s going to hate me after he had finally started to tolerate me and-

And they don’t.

Logan is by his side in an instant, coaching him through familiar breathing exercises in a soft, soothing voice. Patton sits next to him on the stairs, allowing Virgil to curl into his arms as the fatherly Side rubs circles into his back. Roman is a bit lost, still tentatively navigating how to act around Virgil now that they were no longer enemies. He gently places the book in front of Virgil before sitting in front of the group, looking helpless. Hesitantly, he offers a hand out towards Virgil, and after a moment, Virgil grips it tightly.

When Virgil finally calms down, he snatches the book and holds it close to his chest, even though he knows that it’s useless. They’ve already seen the contents. Logan, ever perceptive, makes the connection and reassures Virgil that they aren’t upset at all about the contents in the book, and that whatever horrible conclusion Virgil had jumped to was likely false. Patton is quick to agree, praising Virgil’s artwork and echoing his previous gushing about the adorable characters, and he is so enthusiastic and genuine that Virgil can’t even bring himself to counter with anything self-deprecating.

And then his eyes fall on Roman, who isn’t feeling any less lost in this situation. He flounders, trying to articulate with poetic words and flowery speeches, but when he sees Virgil looking even more downcast (obviously taking his lack of words in a negative way) he instead speaks honestly, saying how much he genuinely likes Virgil’s art. When Virgil clearly doesn’t believe him, he goes into more detail, pointing out specific things he really liked or that worked especially well technically and compositionally. He even talks about the vent art, praising the contrasting shadows and mood.

In the middle of his speech, when Roman finally starts to build up his usual gusto, he casually states that he would love to collaborate on a piece with Virgil and see how their two styles worked together. It’s a spur-of-the-moment offer, and even Roman is surprised by the request, but he doesn’t take it back. He realizes, with no small amount of shock, that he genuinely means it. He wants to create something, to participate in an activity rooted in his very function, and he wants to do it with Virgil, his former enemy.

Virgil bursts into tears.

It isn’t until much later, when Virgil gains more confidence in his place with the Light Sides and with himself, that he finally accepts Roman’s offer. It’s an extremely messy affair, paint splattering all across the room and on their clothes and hair, but it’s the most fun either of them have ever had creating art.

The finished piece finds itself in a place of honor on Roman’s wall, surrounded by all of his best work and a few of Virgil’s own pieces. And it’s okay, because their next collaboration ends up in Virgil’s room. And then the following in Roman’s, then in Virgil’s, and so on and so forth until there isn’t any more room left on their walls.

But they keep painting, and the bad thoughts never seem so loud whenever they create together. But maybe that has less to do with the act of creating and more to do with the company they keep.

[princeanxious]

For your sideswap AU (anxiety!Logan is adorable btw), are there big changes in their personalities from the original sides or do they act the same for the most part?

Also how about how they interact? Do they like/dislike the same sides or are their relationships different too?

Okay okay okay so this’ll take a lil bit of explaining so bare with me kjhkjbij

my basis of the swap part of the au is that while two side’s ‘cores’ (i.e. Logic, Anxiety, Deceit) are swapped, half of either original character still remains as a base, so theyre each a combined half of eachother in clothing style, personal motivation, *and* personality. So:

Virgil <-core swapped with-> Logan

Roman <-core swapped with-> Janus

Patton <-core swapped with-> Remus

(This got long, hiding the rest under the cut)

For instance:

Anxiety!Virgil & Logic!Logan have become -> Anxiety!Logan and Logic!Virgil, right?

So in this Au, Logan would:

-struggle with social cues

-Be hot-headed

-overwork himself

But also,

-Being anxious, overthinking and overanalyzing things

-being stand-offish on purpose bc he feels he doesnt deserve help

- struggle to trust the others whilst worrying constantly about them and Thomas

Which adds up to him being the type of person who doesn’t care what the others think of him so long as he succeeds in keeping everyone safe. He wont hesitate to start an screaming match argument if it gets the others to hear his point of view, because he often feels pushed to the side and ignored. He has the added bonus of being able to provide rational points of logic in his arguments but struggles to be taken seriously because he cant handle being taunted, and ends up lashing out because he thinks every jab is a serious one because he legitimately struggles with telling the two apart. He’s sort of like, a heightened version of both personal and external insecurity alongside anxiety, yknow?

His redemtion arc probably involved him getting so frustrated and confused by them coming to bring him back from ducking out that he literally burst into tears, because ‘I don’t understand! You all hate me, so much! I know I can’t be perfect but I can’t handle this, this, pity party! I’m not coming back knowing you’re going to go right back to hating every little thing that I do!’ Because he’s convinced himself that theres no possible way the others could even remotely like him. They *do* manage to convince him otherwise, dont worry!

As for Virgil, his character take looks a little more like this:

-Doesn’t have a high self-esteem, and can be awkward with showing vulnerable emotions

-still leans into the dark brooding shtick to be taken seriously but with a quieter demeanor, which doesnt always work

-can easily match and give playful quips, but needs time to explain himself and his reasoning

But also,

-carries a bit more confidence knowing his points and views are backed by facts

-serious insults and snips aimed at him do not land as hard on him as he knows how to brush illogical lash-out’s(like Logan’s) off as emotionally-charged but not done with malicious intent

-is able to keep up a reasonably constructed schedule, and has logical work-arounds for bumps in the schedule.

-definitely doesn’t take as good of care of himself as he likes to lead the others on to believe

I’m kinda running out of steam here to write out Virgil’s character bits all tied together as a cohesive character type but i hope what i’ve given so far will suffice??

As for the character’s interpersonal interactions, I’ll probably have to explain that more in depth in another ask bc.. I kinda want specific examples to work from because, As I said, trying to explain the relationships via the swap, where the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides have flipped positions with who i deemed their opposite half, but obviously not swapped each others personalities 100%, it means i’m aiming for all the original standing relationship types between the canon group to stay the same for their core positions, but just altered enough in a way that fit’s the current core-holder’s personality.

(Plus, for anyone whose curious about the au’s ships but is new to the au, it’s Roceit, Intruality, and Analogical.)

For super simple examples:

-if Anxiety!Virgil & Morality!Patton had a Father/Son type relationship, then Anxiety!Logan and Morality!Remus have a Father/Son type relationship(sort of. I’m aiming for brotherly relationship in this).

-If you headcanoned(like I do, for this au anyway) that Anxiety!Virgil had been raised by Deceit!Janus as a father figure before joining the lightsides, then Anxiety!Logan had been raised by Deceit!Roman as a father figure before they joined the lightsides.

This technically sets things up for Patton and Janus to be brothers in this au, for that reason Remus and Roman are not considered brothers. However, this does not mean that shipping Remus and Roman will be allowed in this au. Please do not take this as invitation to do as such.

Now for a bit of added fun, heres this bonus jumble of character math that i’d tried to used to explain this whole mess to ske last like at like 1 am, and some mock character interactions using this math lol:

“(Really tho its like. Solving math trying to just take two swapped characters and be like ‘okay what the fuck do we have now’ i.e Janus and Logan would actually probably get along rly well bc theyre basically swapped prinxiety, but janus and and Virgil would *STILL* have friction bc theyre swapped logince, but patton and logan would have either a raised by Roman as brothers dynamic or simply just chaotic tension bc intru thoughts and anxiety fuel eachother, but Roman and Patton would be a swapped!dukeceit dynamic, yknow??)”

———

A take on Anxiety!Logan and Deceit!Roman’s relationship:

Anxiety!Logan, having just been woken up from sleeping on the table: *hissing irritatedly at Roman*

Deceit!Roman,sitting there in all his dragon glory in still his night clothes, eyebrow raised but otherwise unphased: Good Morning to you too, 21 riots.

Anxiety!Logan: *hisses louder, bc he’s half asleep and hasnt realized it’s Roman*

Deceit!Roman, tossing the tiny feral child over his shoulder: Alrighty, Pancakes or Bacon?

A!Logan, melting into cuddle mode bc ‘oh okay this is Father, not a giant monster, its purring time then’: …Coffee

D!Roman: Pancakes it is

A!Logan: >:(

———

Aaaand a Take on Logic!Virgil and Deceit!Roman interacting:

Logic!Virgil, a lil peeved: “Are you done trying to mess with me, because-”

Deceit!Roman, smiling with a smug grin and a lil head tilt: “No.~”

Logic!Virgil, now angy from being interrupted “*listen here u lil shit*”

[the-sympathetic-villain]

Lullaby of Woe

AO3

Angst Prompt - "Of all the times to tell me, why now?" - Any pairing From @crazydemigod666 on Tumblr

@crazydemigod666 Psst you sent this ask to my main but I don’t really post my writing there, so I’m posting it here. Hope you don’t mind ;) Also, though very different in tone, this actually reminded me of your own Jolly Sailor Bold as I was writing it in a lot of ways lol so I hope you enjoy!

---

Description: Feeling unwanted, Patton climbs up to the deck of their ship to get some fresh air when the voice of a siren comes calling.

Also, there's a song in this one. I modified the lyrics, but the song is "Lullaby of Woe" - Ashley Serena and you can listen to it here if you'd like.

Word Count: 2104

Pairings: Logicality

Characters: Patton, Logan

Warnings: Major Character Death (Ambiguous, honestly its entirely up to how you interpret it), Angst with an ambiguous ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of neglect, Mentions of cheating, Past toxic relationship, Mentions of food insecurity, Touch starvation, Hypnosis-like trance, Brief Suicidal ideation, Crying, (Let me know if I need to add anything!)

---

    Patton had a problem.

    The crew hadn't been able to look him in the eye for over a fortnight, even though he could feel the pity in his stares as he milled about the deck without purpose. At any other point in his life, he would have been deeply ashamed, but he was nearly too tired to care now. The captain had notified him that his rations had been cut. He'd been told it was a temporary measure, but Patton knew better. The captain was starving him off the ship.

    The wind nipped at his arms as Patton nimbly topped the ladder to the upper deck. Moonlight pooled on the polished wood, lighting his way as he strode through the darkness. He moved confidently, though he felt himself nearly stumbling and losing his footing with the sharp rocking of the ship. The weakness was getting to him. He knew he shouldn’t be up in the open air as the boat rocked in the wind. One swift wind could blow him overboard and he'd be gone forever, but he couldn’t bear another minute of listening to the crew's whispers.

    His heart was broken enough already. He'd thought the captain loved him. When they met, Patton’s body and soul had felt like fire. In a flurry of passion, Patton had dropped his comfortable life to follow the man he'd loved across the sea and it had been the thrilling journey of his life. Flowing from adventure to adventure, the pure excitement and adrenaline had lit up his world and blinded him to the fire that had begun to eat him up inside.

    Only now, as Patton staggered to the bow of ship, did he realize how much he'd withered away to make way for the man who claimer to love him. Mere embers of the previous flame remained in Patton’s heart as the captain drifted into the arms of new lovers, his loyalty already fickle and fading before Patton was even gone.

    Patton sucked in a sob as he lurched forward, nearly tumbling over the ship's railing as a sudden wave jarred the ship. His white knuckles gripped the wood on instinct as he sunk to his knees. A soundless cry escaped him as he collapsed to the floor and tears flowed freely down his face in silent grief.

    The pain in his chest was nearly unbearable as Patton lost himself staring into the black water of the sea below, mesmerized by the swirling vortexes as he desperately pushed away darker thoughts. He had no idea how long he sat there, silently sobbing as the moon moved across the sky, but it seemed like only moments before an unnerving melody floated through the air.

    Fishes asleep among the weeds,

    Patton’s head shot up at the sound the unfamiliar voice echoing eerily across the open deck. His knees curled to his chest as his eyes darted through the darkness, searching for the source of the voice.

    Waves all a swaying in the breeze,

    “Who’s there?”

    Patton shivered as he raised his head to get a better view of the deck below. Unable to spot anyone, he cautiously reached up to the railing to pull himself upright and listen to the voice continue.

    But one soul lies anxious, wide awake,

    Fearing no manner of ghouls nor wraiths.

    Patton jumped, spinning on his toes as the last line finished directly behind his ear. His shoulders spun clumsily as he stumbled away from the bow of the ship, landing on the ground with a thud as he turned to stare at the beast balancing on the bowsprit of the ship.

    The creature stood on two feet and Patton could nearly have mistaken him for a man a man, if not for the pallid color of his skin and haunting blue glow of his eyes. The specter glided forward with an unearthly grace, balancing on the narrow bow of the ship as it rocked chaotically in the wind.

    “Do not scream.” The man purred as he dropped silently on the deck. “Lest you condemn the rest of your friends to share your fate.”

    A grimace curled on Patton’s lips at the statement and he resigned himself to quietly edging closer the railing behind him.

    “Oh, not friends then.”

    The beast cooed under his breath as he leaned forward to loom over Patton.  Adrenaline rushed through his veins as the creature slowly kneeled in front of him and raised a hand to his face. Patton flinched as cold fingers brushed along his jaw and guided his chin up until he was staring into the ice-cold eyes of the man above him.

    “Relax.”

    Patton felt the tension in his body disappear as the dulcet tones of the man's voice lulled him into complacency. His vision blurred as he tried to stay focused on the man’s face, but as he was pulled to his feet, only one thought rang out in his mind.

    He's…pretty.

    The beast's calming voice continued to fill the air with a lilting melody as he smiled crowded Patton against the railing.

    Don’t dare let him tremble,

    For the witcher, heartless and cold,

    Paid in coin of gold,

    He comes and goes and he'll leave not behind,

    Subtle chills tingled across Patton’s skin at the man's power. He knew fear should be gripping his heart, but he couldn’t help but his starstruck smile as the man lips curled into a sharp-toothed grin.

    but heartache and woe,

    Deep, deep woe.

    Patton’s breath caught in his throat as his waist caught the railing. His balance wavered as the momentum nearly sent him tumbling into the dark water below, but an iron grip caught his collar.

    Deep, deep woe.

    The man’s deep voice resonated against Patton’s chest and he finished its last note, drawing Patton’s attention back to his mesmerizing eyes.

    “Are you afraid?”

    Patton sucked on his lip as he stared into the icy look of the man’s eyes. His heart slowed as the air shifted blinked his shock up at the man in front of him.

    “Please, I'll do anythi—”

    “Young one, be at peace. Fearing me is a waste of your energy.”

    A raspy breath escaped Patton’s parted lips as the beast's hand passed over his jaw to curl around the back of his neck. Instinctively, he started to flinch away, but the monster caught him.

    “Why do you allow yourself to wither, human?”

    Patton sucked on his lip as his skin tingled like wildfire from the man’s icy touch. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but it'd been a long time since he'd been touched with such gentleness. The sense of danger radiating off the man in front of him should have made him quiver with fear, but instead he felt himself leaning into the unfamiliar comfort with a quiet sob.

    “Hush now. You no longer need to suffer.”

    Scaled fingers slipped through Patton’s hair as the pale beast comforted him. The walls which he’d built around his heart came crashing down and his feelings escaped him in a subdued mourning.

    “That’s all you really wanted. Isn’t it? To be needed?”

    Patton’s grip tightened on the man's flowing silk shirt as a soft whisper escaped him. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

    “I've been watching you since your ship left the port nearly a full moon ago. The effort you extend to for the benefit of the others aboard this vessel is nothing less than commendable.” The beast’s breath passed through Patton’s hair like a soft wind as his fingertips brushed Patton’s cheek. “You are not simply a weight to the man who scorns your love.”

    The man’s soothing voice resonated from his chest as Patton timidly tipped his head up to him.

    “W-who are you?”

    “My name is of no consequence,” The man’s whispered, though he seemed to immediately correct himself as he noted Patton’s disappointment. “Though you may call me Logan, if your heart desires.”

    “Logan—” Patton breathed as he lifted his head. “—you've been watching me?”

    “With deep interest, my dearest. You are too delectable to be wasted on someone who does not appreciate you.” Logan’s sharp-toothed grin grew wider as his thumb brushed Patton’s cheek. “Your scent is absolutely dizzying.”

    “T-that can't be true.”

    “Oh?” The siren's pale fingers trailed down Patton’s jaw, letting out a melodic chuckle as Patton sighed at the touch. “And why is that, my lovely?”

    Patton’s face twisted in disgust and he started to pull away. “I'm—I'm not—”

    Logan’s hands caught Patton’s waist, eliciting a gasp as he effortlessly lifted Patton and placed him on the railing of the rocking ship. He moved forward, standing between  Patton’s legs as his piercing, blue eyes locked onto Patton.

    “Not what, darling?”

    “N-not special.” Patton whispered quietly, suddenly entranced by the mesmerizing glimmer in Logan’s eyes.

    “It truly is a crime that any man was able to convince you of that.”

    Patton blinked in disbelief as the siren curled a finger under his chin, lifting his gaze. “What?”

    “Your soul leaves a sweet scent in the air that only a fool would neglect to savor.” Logan whispered, sending pleasant chills down Patton’s spine as his other hand slipped around Patton’s waist. “My dearest, you are a gift to this world that has kept my eye for thrice the time it's taken for the dark moon to turn bright in the sky.”

    “If—If you've been watching me—” Patton started after a moment of silence, shaking as he reached up to grip Logan’s wrist. “Then, of all times to tell me, why now?”

    The siren was silent as his piercing eyes bore into Patton, sending a heated wave of adrenaline through him as another wave crashed against the side of the ship. Logan’s grip tightened on Patton’s waist as sea's mist filled the air.

    “I think you know why I have approached you.”

    “Y-you're a siren.” Patton whispered as he nervously clung to the railing.

    “Come away with me, darling.”

    “They—” Patton swallowed the lump in his throat as he turned his head away from the dangerous look in Logan’s eyes. “The sailors say that those who are taken away by sirens are never heard from again.”

    Logan remained quiet for a moment before raising a hand to wipe the tears from Patton’s cheek. “You will not be missed by the men on this ship.”

    Patton sucked in a breath as though he'd been struck in the stomach. “I—I know, but—”

    “Hush, now. Do not be afraid.” Logan whispered as tears brimmed in Patton’s eyes. “Do you have loved ones on the land?”

    “No,” Patton breathed as an emptiness filled his chest. “I am alone.”

    “Then what do you live for, dearest?”

    Patton started to shake as tears streamed down his face. “I—I don’t know anymore.”

    “Then tell me, my love.” Logan whispered as he curled a finger around Patton’s chin to lift his head up. “What risk is there in leaving with me?”

    “I'm not ready to die."

    Logan's sharp teeth glistened in the moonlight as he leaned into Patton’s ear. “Who said anything about dying?”

    Patton blinked, still in disbelief as he sputtered out a response. “Are you going to hurt me?”

    “Will you take the risk to find out?”

    Patton sucked in a breath as he stared into Logan’s blue eyes. His heart pounded in his chest as he balanced on the railing of the ship, teetering above the dark waters above.

    “O-okay.”

    Logan leaned in closer with a knowing grin. “You have to tell me what you want, love.”

    “Take me away, p-please.”

    Logan's unearthly grin widened as Patton curled into his chest. “As you wish, darling.”

    A hum started deep in Logan's chest, soothing Patton’s uneven breathing as he continued his song.

      The waves are silent for the night,

      All matter turned in as daylight dies,

      But one soul lies anxious wide awake,

      My dear darling Patton, shut your eyes,

      Lie still, lie silent, utter no cries.

    The world around Patton seemed became blurry as the siren’s song lulled him into a deep trance. His skin tingled with a pleasant vibration as the soft sound of Logan’s voice filled his ears. Deep in a stupor, he barely noticed as they dropped into the dark waters below. The moonlight faded as they disappeared beneath the surface, but Logan’s voice still echoed beautifully in his mind.

    Beware of the man who covets your soul,

    He'll chop you and slice you,

    Cut and he'll dice you,

    Eat you up whole,

    Eat you whole,

    All while he sings to you,

    he lullaby of deep, deep woe.

---

General Taglist:

@justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck @shadowyplaidpurseegg

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Okay so I know you don't usually do this type of thing but this idea is stuck in my head so may I ask for a Sanders sides fic were there roles are switched around? It could be because of a curse or it could just be like that from the start. The roles and reasons are as follows.

Roles:

Roman: Anxiety.

Remus: Deceit.

Virgil: "Good" Creativety.

Janus: Logic.

Patton: "Bad" Creativity.

Logan: Morality.

Reasons:

Roman: We need more anxious and/or insecure Roman.

Remus: IDK just fit.

Virgil: We need more confident Virgil.

Janus: IDK just fit.

Patton: Just Patton accidentally yelling "NOW FUCK!" or something like that.

Logan: Just Logan not being able to not show his feelings.

i did it

[oatmealdaydreams]

Hearthfire (5/16)

Chapter IV | The Armadillo and the Dog

<- Prev // Masterpost // Next ->

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Summary: Orange does his usual tending in the garden. Blinding anger, well, blinds him as he remains bedstuck after something happens with Thomas. Virgil and Patton are arguing yet again, and there's an awful lot of indignance to be dealt with.

Warning: insecurity, burn scars, panic (animal), fire, burns, overstimulation; let me know if I missed anything!

Word Count: 5956

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Cyan and Purple have no fucking clue what’s going on with their fellow Sides. 

Yellow hasn’t dared to be around Green for a while.

Cyan and Purple have no fucking clue what’s going on with their fellow Sides.

They weren’t there in that stupid, fucking meeting. They didn’t witness the breakdown of both Red and Indigo. They didn’t see Green defending his brother, nor do they know of Yellow’s seemingly sudden realization that he’s gone beyond a certain point in harming the Prince. They have no clue. They’re presences were still felt somewhat—as happens when Sides aren’t physically there, they don’t just disappear unless they choose to—but that doesn’t mean they know what went down. 

So, a confused Purple armadillo and a deeply worried Cyan Shifter Dog. 

Yet another mess that’s left for Orange, and more tending to the Flower Garden and its various flora and fauna. 

Which brings the canary to shoving his gardening gloves on when the Armadillo won’t come out from its balled-up state. 

He has to wear gloves when this happens because this armadillo hates it when human skin touches its shell. Orange hasn’t the faintest idea why—come on, he doesn’t know everything, he’s not omniscient—but he doesn’t need to know the ‘why’ to know how to take care of it. He crouches down on his knees once his gloves are on securely, carefully so he doesn’t crunch the grass too loudly and scare the poor thing further. The armadillo lays balled-up not too far in front of him, shaking lightly with how tight it's holding itself. Orange calmly shushes it, keeping as calm and slow-moving as he can. It makes little noises, snorting and scruffing its nose as it squeaks. 

“Shh, little pup, you’re safe, you’re safe,” he does his best to soothe. 

The little armadillo grunts, squeaking and squealing in its protective shell. 

Orange sighs, “Yes, I know, I know. No human skin though, see? Why don’t you peek out and see?” 

At that, the armadillo warily follows instructions and peeks out from its shell. It sniffs around, spotting his gloves, and its noises quiet down by the smallest bit. 

“Yeah, that’s it,” he encourages, “Let’s uncurl a little, huh?” 

The little pup eyes Orange before it slowly uncurls. It’s slow, hesitant, still squeaking and grunting as it stays wary. Once it’s uncurled enough from its bumpy shell, Orange places a firm, gloved hand on its back. It freezes, but then immediately relaxes as he begins to stroke his hand up and down its shell. It keeps sniffing, crawling over to Orange to get a better tell of what’s going on. It picks up on the scent of campfires and burnt wood—and something else, something underneath those scents—starting to purr lightly as it recognizes him. Orange sighs in relief. Usually, the armadillo isn’t as easily relaxed as this, but he’ll take what he can get. He scoops it up into his lap, and it leans into him as it purrs louder. A surprised smirk tugs at his lips as he thinks about why the little pup was so panicked in the first place. 

The armadillo can be easily spooked, depending on what it is, but it also will just as easily go into defense and hiss at any perceived threat. So, what spooked it this time? And why has it calmed down a lot sooner than it typically does? Not that Orange is complaining, but...well, it’s interesting. Knowing who the armadillo is connected to, it would more-so try to bite and growl and hiss than let him take it into his lap and purr. Something’s changed. What makes an Anxious, Purple pup calm down faster? Is it a what or a who? Or a how? Has it just finally gotten used to Orange as its handler? No, he’s been doing this for a long, long time. The armadillo only just now started doing this. It’s the first time this has happened. 

His brows furrow. 

It sniffed him, so...he sniffs the air. He normally smells like fire, in its many forms, and citrus, because of course Orange would smell like citrus. There’s a strange hint in there somewhere. He closes his eyes as he concentrates on what it is, the armadillo burrowing into his stomach. Where was he last that the armadillo would favor scent from? It would be from someone else, somewhere else, that he’s visited within the last few days. A small hint of rose petals catches Orange’s nose, and it dawns on him. 

Oh, he thinks, I see now. 

The little pup is worried about the cardinal—to be fair, they’ve all been worried—and smelling something that vaguely reminds it of Red must’ve triggered its comforting instinct. Armadillos in the physical world, the one Rainbow lives in, may or may not purr for comfort, Orange doesn’t know, but this armadillo does. Considering who it’s connected to, it’s not really surprising. For all his grump and dark persona, Purple is a protector at his core and a damn determined one at that. Sometimes, that includes comforting the ones he cares about, especially when they’re anxious. 

A yip and running, thumping paws break Orange from his thoughts as a border collie appears no more than a few feet away. It almost barrels into him and the armadillo, but he just manages to scooch out of the way as it tumbles into the grass. It immediately gets up as if unbothered and trots its excited little tail over to them. Sniffing at the little pup in Orange’s lap, it sits down next to him. The armadillo promptly hisses at it for startling the poor thing, and the dog simply barks at it. 

He hasn’t seen the Shifter Dog in the form of a border collie for a long while, but at least it isn’t shifting frantically again. It’s called a ‘Shifter Dog’ due to its nature to just...shapeshift into different dog breeds depending on its connected Side’s mood. A border collie means he’s either worried or happy. Usually the latter, but with the way it’s stubbornly sticking by the armadillo, he’d say it’s both at once this time. Why would Cyan be happy and worried? Worried makes sense, considering recent events, so why happy? He hasn’t been happy for some time, not with all the everything that’s been going on since a little before the wedding, not even when he claims he is. He’ll dress up his face in a nice smile, make breakfast for the five of them—when was Green ever actually invited or welcomed to those—and say he’s happy just to see his fellow Sides. Yellow will hiss lightly under his breath, glancing at Cyan, but he doesn’t comment on the lie and neither does the father figure of the Mindscape. Happy doesn’t make sense. 

Orange glances at the border collie, seeing where white fur should be is more ashy grey than anything. 

Well, see, that makes a lot more sense. 

He’s sad. 

Sad and worried make a lot more sense. 

It is a Shifter Dog after all, not every dog breed it shifts into will be completely accurate to what it’s technically supposed to look like. So, a grey and black border collie makes more sense as it wags its tail at the armadillo, who in turn clacks at the dog. Orange raises an eyebrow as the little pup crawls off his lap and to get away from the border collie. The little puppy whines after it, tail wagging slower as it steps after the armadillo. Orange decides to watch and see what happens. 

The puppy whines again, barking at its friend. The little pup hisses again, rolling itself back into a ball. 

Orange sighs. He knew Cyan and Purple have some sort of troubles, since sometime before they watched that Disney movie with Rainbow—the time when Red had insisted on onesies being the only acceptable attire to wear during a movie night—but it hasn’t gotten any better. He’d argue, by the looks of these critters, that it’s actually gotten a little worse. 

Orange stands, tugging off his gardening gloves and pocketing them as he gazes around the Flower Garden. The little cardinal still sits in the Orange Tree, the crow watching it from a higher branch on the other side. The skunk keeps eyeing its brother bird, clicking as it talks. He doesn’t know where the bumblebee went, but there’s faint buzzing some distance far away from where all the other fauna are.

There’s a snap on the ground in front of him and an odd squish of what sounds like fruit. He glances down as he takes a step back. A branch from the Orange lies on the ground, broken, cracked, twisted, an orange squished into juicy citrus bits a few inches from it. There’s no flowers on this branch. No orange blossoms to help make up for the lack of fruit. It’s bare. It’s bare and sad and dead. 

A vibrant, orange feather floats softly to lay next to the destroyed fruit remains. Something snags on the inside of Orange’s leather jacket, tugging uncomfortably against his back. He feels his wings, hidden under leather, twitch at the sight of a fallen feather. Reaching back carefully, he manages to get his jacket off before his wings try to weep more feathers. Now free, his small pair of wings stretch awkwardly, shuddering and flapping as they do. More feathers fall to the ground. Orange stares. They look like soft fires amongst the grass, setting the garden ablaze.

He grunts as he plucks the loose feather from where it had snagged against his jacket. There’s a quick prick and tug, and it’s free. 

Something hurts in his chest as he holds the feather. It’s so small, he can hardly twist it around his fingers and fidget with it. A primary. A little fluffy primary that’s so tiny and small compared to how big it should be. 

My wings shouldn’t be so small, amber light turns into fire on skin. I should be able to fly, I want to fly with big wings and soaring Hope. I should be a soaring Hope. 

Orange winces as his hand catches the feather on fire, shriveling it into ash and dust and nothingness. He kicks the dead tree branch and stomps on the already-squashed orange. It bleeds more juice into the grass. He shouts as he almost stomps on his jacket instead of the wood, and that’s when the anger vanishes into an empty pit in his ribs. He huffs, glaring at everything and anything as he puts his jacket over his arm.

And Orange exits the Flower Garden in an indignant, empty rustle of too-small wings. 

=====

Rainbow yelled at the wrong person, apparently, according to everyone’s frantic scolding of each other and the fact that Green is thriving within the chaos of it. 

Orange doesn’t even need to leave his room, laying on his stomach on his bed again, his leather jacket acting as another pillow. He can just lay there because everyone’s Unfair and Angry thoughts are blinding his eyes as they bounce around from sentence to sentence to sentence. His eyes burn and sting. 

They’re blaming me for this? What did I do? They didn’t even let me speak!

Orange’s eyes won’t stop glowing amber.

Of course, it’s my fault. It has to be, it can’t be anyone else’s, no, only a villain is capable of making Thomas have an outburst. It’s not like he’s responsible for his own actions or anything.

Brighter and brighter and brighter. 

I don’t understand, I’m sorry that I don’t understand, but I don’t, I don’t get why we did that. Why can’t they hear me? Why don’t they see how much it hurts me? Why can’t I bear to show them what happens when the Ego is bruised?

It feels like the fires are trying to worm their way into his retinas.

After all that, and suddenly I’m the bad guy again? They never change! I shouldn’t have trusted them!

There’s an unwelcomed, boiling heat that slides down Orange’s face under the guise of tears. 

‘It’s good for Thomas’, they said. ‘This is too important for you to be here’, they said. I ain’t the fuckin’ problem! They never listen, and they never will!

He can already feel the start of new burn scars that trail from the tips of his eyes down down down to meet his jaw. 

Why don’t they believe me anymore? We used to be a family, it’s not fair. They don’t treat me like family anymore!

It really fucking hurts. 

This is what happens when Rainbow gets overwhelmed with anger, specifically the kind that intertwines itself with Unfair. That’s Orange’s domain, of course it’s going to fucking affect him, not that any of the Others will ever see it. It’s like this because Rainbow sees all forms of anger as hurtful—the burning and stinging in his eyes worsen—and blinding—he can’t see, it’s too much, there’s too many scorched words overlapping in his vision. Orange’s breath hitches as pain erupts in his temples, a headache swiftly adding to the overwhelming mess. 

Rainbow...Rainbow needs to calm down. He needs Yellow to shut his snide little maw, for Green to take care of his brother—because if he’s too occupied with caring for Red, then he won’t be messing with their centre as much—he needs for Red and Purple to take a deep breath. He needs Cyan to set his own hurt aside for a few moments and help take care of the Others. He can feel the things he needs to feel, of course, he shouldn’t repress it, but putting aside for a little bit and then coming back to it later isn’t repression. In fact, it’s a healthy thing to do when there’s other pressing matters at hand, like when your fellow Sides need your help—even though they may not want you right now. Cyan could at least help Yellow. Purple needs to go check on Indigo, or hey, maybe Red can do that because then they can sort through whatever fondness they’re feeling for each other. 

Listen, it’s not that hard to notice, especially when you’re the one that watches everything from the shadows. 

Indigo needs someone to listen to him. So does Green. They both do. Maybe Red can drag Green on over to Indigo and they can take turns listening to each other, and then maybe there’d be less problems to deal with if the Ego, the Unwelcomed Creative, and the Teacher could be there for one another. The Creatives already are there for each other—as much as they can be, at least–but he digresses. 

Orange groans in pain, on his bed, alone, wings flapping as his own sense of annoyance wriggles itself in his veins like a mock version of purple vines. It’s not purplish vines that burn. 

It’s not the fact that Rainbow is angry and indignant, that’s not what’s hurting him. It’s the fact he internalizes and represses it so vigorously because he’s so afraid of being perceived as a bad person that makes this fucking painful as all hell. Maybe if his dear centre let himself feel things without worrying about what it means in terms of Morality and Goodness, then perhaps a lot of things that he struggles with wouldn’t be as bad as they are. 

But hey, where’s the fun in that? 

God fucking damnit. 

Orange can’t even scroll through his phone or get up to attend to matters at his desk while he’s like this. It sucks. 

Something catches the tip of a feather, and the room smells like old, burning jumpers. 

He frantically tries to bend his wing enough to reach where it could be on fire, because that happens, he catches on fire, thanks a lot Rainbow for being Mr. Repression, but his hands find nothing but small feathers that feel too soft to be properly matured. 

Dear fucking god, let this be over so I can do my damn job, Orange thinks as his own indignation threatens to light his tears on fire as if they were practically boiling already. 

They aren’t actually boiling, but they sure fucking feel like it. 

And it’s going to feel like it for a while at this rate. 

=====

Once the Others have calmed down enough for Orange’s eyes not to be plagued by constant and sporadic amber letters and burning sensations, it’s almost late evening. 

Now that there isn’t a haze of fire fire fire and unfair unfair unfair, he can finally start thinking about what actually happened that led to that. 

Yes, he’s a part of Rainbow, and thus is the ‘manifestation’—as Indigo calls it—of this specific type of indignant anger. He reflects what it looks like when Rainbow’s all righteous fury and shit. He’s set ablaze like an outraged phoenix with the wrong type of wings, and shit happens. Rainbow may huff or punch a pillow or—and you’ll appreciate the callback—yell at someone. The thing is whoever Rainbow yelled at deserved it because they did or said something Unfair, and guess what, bitch, that’s not okay. You don’t get to be Unfair to Rainbow, nope, not without consequences, motherfucker. That’s most of Orange’s entire point. When Unfair things happen, he’s the one who makes sure Rainbow—and the Others, by proxy—get some sense of Justice because no fucking way can any of them just stand there while shit goes down. 

You see it in how Red in the way he plays the role of the Prince—and how he desperately tries to play the role of the Hero, though he’s not sure what that means anymore—saving distressed townsfolk and critters from whatever antagonist that decides to plague them. 

You see it in the way Purple is a guardian, a protector, ready to get any of them out of potential danger at a second’s notice. 

In the way that Yellow shows and guides and gently prods them to take care of themselves and for Rainbow to take care of himself, in the way he hides what Rainbow isn’t quite ready to discover about himself, not yet, not until he gives the word, in the way he lies with a lemon-tart tongue and shining scales to protect them all from the agony that is being the villain because right now, someone has to be the antagonist for things to be realized. 

You see it in the way Indigo and Cyan watch over everyone like teacher and parent, a duo grouped together because of similar glasses and hues of similar colours; in the way Indigo guides and educates and does his best to support, and in the way Cyan holds and soothes and tries so hard to figure out how to better himself with Rainbow and the Others in his thoughts and his heart. 

You see it in the way Green will babble on and on and on about the nastiest, most Unwelcomed things to highlight the things Rainbow isn’t because if he spits what’s Bad and horrifying, than maybe—if Rainbow listened—he could see just how Good and wonderful he really is because Green only says the things that aren’t Rainbow and how he cares cares cares for people and the world around him. In the way Green shouts and screams and screeches like a noisy skunk to distract the Others from noticing a hurting and bruising Ego, how he sinks right after Red and opening brotherly arms of comfort, of warmth, of an understanding between the Creatives that no one else could ever Hope to replicate. 

Not a single one of them could ever remain a bystander to Injustice and Unfair things because they’re parts of a whole entire Rainbow, and their lovely Rainbow cannot fathom it in himself to let others suffer in such a way, especially when he knows that discriminatory suffering a little too well himself. 

Orange digresses. 

Who would say or do such stupid things to make Rainbow feel that indignant flare within himself? Not his friends, no, no one like Joan or Quill or Terrance or any of them would piss him off like that. That’s not to say they have arguments and disagreements from time to time, but it’s nothing so hurtful to outrage all six of the Others and blind Orange so viciously that he’s rendered bed-stuck and burning for hours on end. Perhaps a family member he doesn’t see that often decided to show face? Well—no, wait, Orange has seen Indigo’s activity calendar he keeps in the intercepting hallway, Rainbow doesn’t have any sort of scheduled dates or times to see extended family for a while. He does have a date where he plans on visiting his mom and taking her out for a day to spend time with her. It’s past Mothers’ Day, sure, but who says you can’t spend time with your loved one outside of a holiday or celebration? Point is this: she might’ve said something on a call recently, if she’s the one who fucked up. Rainbow likes to call her sometimes because he’s Rainbow and he loves his mom. 

Listen, sometimes parents say hurtful things without realizing they’re hurtful and piss off their kids, and then they get all confused on why their kids are pissed off, and then they get indignant themselves because a lot of parents have this insecurity when it comes to being respected. It’s a loop that goes on and on, that creates more and more distance between parents and their kids until someone finally acts like the bigger person and fucking communicates about why they’re mad. 

So, yeah, maybe Rainbow’s mom said something without realizing, and Rainbow got hurt by it and reacted due to Orange’s nature of being...well, Orange. 

For as much as he watches from the shadows as a little citrus mist, Orange doesn’t always know when things happen or even what happens to cause other things to happen. Besides, Rainbow doesn’t know about him—nor do the ‘Lights’, as Red calls them—and he’s mostly hidden away by Yellow’s Denial influence and the fact that Rainbow hasn’t ‘given the word’, so to speak, for Orange to be something he’s actually open to confronting. Orange simply can’t be in certain places in certain moments because it’s these certain times that Rainbow, for as confused as he usually is, would one-hundred percent notice a vibrant orange mist watching from the stairwell behind Purple’s typical spot. Now, see, sometimes Orange can hide and watch while the Others argue and, well, ‘debate’, but that’s not an absolute guarantee.

Orange needs to stop digressing. 

Point is Orange doesn’t actually know who the fuck set Rainbow off because, while his influence was definitely there, he himself wasn’t. So, Rainbow’s mom is a good candidate. Unfortunately, a less-likely-to-happen candidate because she’s been busy herself for at least three weeks, according to Cyan’s extensive memory logs in the Long-Term Memory Museum. Never let it be said that Cyan can’t be organized and responsible when he needs to be. 

So, not the mom. 

A stranger, maybe? A collaboration gone wrong before it could’ve started? An insensitive fan thinking they had a right to say something they had no right to? 

Hm. Well. 

There might be one person he can think of. 

One person who was an indirect cause of further ignoring Indigo. One person that has a better chance at bruising Red much easier than most. One person who could turn away and leave if they found Sides like Green or Yellow as ‘immoral problems’. One person who has a strong influence on Rainbow because he cares too much, one that has Cyan’s attention—even if it’s somewhat hesitant attention. One person who Purple worked hard to get Rainbow to meet instead of running the other way because it was important to connect with them, especially to poor Red who needed this so desperately. One person who Orange himself has a special little appreciation for because they indirectly gave him the opportunity to help Indigo release some of his pent-up anger—without discarding Green’s role in that, of course. 

See, this person has a certain thing for carrots. 

The charming, sweet Nico Flores. 

Of course, the lovely flower, Orange comes to a conclusion. Our sweet flower said something, didn’t he? Oh, dear Gateway, you haven’t a clue of what you lent a pathway to. 

Well, Orange isn’t one to deny such a generous offer from their precious Gateway.

=====

“Well, kiddo, I just think that—”

“Patton, you—stop calling me ‘kiddo’, I thought I told you that already,” a voice grumbles as two sets of footsteps walk down the darker hallway. 

Orange turns in his desk chair, listening to the Purple and Cyan as they trek down the hall. They’re getting close to where his door is hidden, in the darkest of shadows, in the back, in a Void where no light can escape and shine through to the outside. They wouldn’t be able to see or find his door.They can’t see what the Mind doesn’t want them to see, what Rainbow himself doesn’t want to confront yet, what Yellow is so determined to keep secret until their centre says ‘let me see’. Green, Purple, and Yellow know Orange, of course, but the only one who knows where his door is, is Yellow. Even then, none of the six have been in his room, or the Flower Garden. No one’s seen the critters he tends to. No one heard the painful days and nights of being engulfed in flames or tending to small wings by himself when it would be better to have help. 

They don’t know Righteous Anger or Wrath. They don’t know Hope. 

They don’t see yet. 

But soon, they will. 

They’ll all see.

“Right, sorry, kid—Virge, guess this old man forgets things from time to time,” Cyan apologizes, then jokes, and Orange can practically hear the painted grin. 

A dismissive hum, “Sure, yeah, whatever you say, Patton.” 

Why don’t you let me call you nicknames anymore? You dismiss me when I try your name, when I slip up and say ‘kiddo’, when I try using a different thing altogether. What do you want me to do? Why won’t you let me love you anymore? 

Orange’s eyes flash amber, and he sighs. 

Great, just when he started getting to work, now he’s gotta do something else, because god forbid he doesn’t watch the Others for five fucking minutes. 

The starting heat of fire on his knuckles reminds him to take a deep breath and calm down. He inhales and exhales the way he’s seen Indigo show Purple. In...and out…in...and out…in…and out. The heat dissipates and cools, and Orange slumps in relief. At least he doesn’t have to do his job while on fire. He’s had to do that before, and it fucking sucks. 

Orange pushes back in his chair, stands, and shifts in mist as he leaks through the door like a strange fog-like water. He wades through the Void of inky blackness that hides his door from sight in the darker hallway. It’s vast, stretching on for miles and miles. A nothingness that raises Bleak and Dreary to be their depressive selves. Almost like a never-ending sea that’s matte black, no shine or shimmer to give reflection. It’s liquid with the consistency of mercury. Viscous but not terribly so. It takes a while to find the crack in the Void that leads to the outside. 

The crack is small. The liquid Void falls through it like a waterfall, only without the calming sound of rushing water. That’s another thing about this place. There’s no sound, just ringing in your ears that steadily gets louder and louder for every second you’re here. Orange hates it. It’s so fucking stupid that he’s hidden away from Rainbow, but there’s only so much he can do about it. Aside from going after Yellow, he can’t really lash out against anyone but the Mind itself. 

Because Yellow doesn’t create the Voids, the Mind does. 

Yellow just…‘manages’ them. 

Now, yes, Orange could very well just sink out into the darker hallway and not have to deal with the Void. He could. He absolutely could’ve.

But it was important to show you, Orange glances at an unseen force that watches and reads and imagines. The Void is a special place, no? Ever had to live in a Void before, lovely firelets?

Orange slips down down down through the crack in the Void.

Inside is almost like a pocket dimension, like sinking into a mirrored pool of water that has you rise out of it to the other side. It’s pitch black in the crack, a wormhole of sorts. Perhaps it’s so dark because it’s the raw materials that the Mind is made of, and if Orange ever saw what it really looked like, he’d lose all mental coherence in the flash of a forest fire. So, yeah, it’s best he can’t see what the Mind looks like when it’s...like that. 

He climbs through the other end of the crack, a small piece of the wall in the darker hallway missing. It’s right by Purple’s door—well, it’s more of a gateway, but whatever—from the time he got mad at Yellow and punched the first thing he saw. Citric mist seeps from the scar in the wall and onto the floor, pushing and shrinking itself to be among the textured floorboards. It waits and listens as Cyan’s and Purple’s footsteps thud thud thud closer. He hears a Purple-classic scoff as they near. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Purple’s shoulders are tense, hands buried into the pocket of his patchwork hoodie. 

“Language.”

“I—well, it’s nothing bad…” Cyan stumbles as he fails to explain.

“That’s some of the most vague shit I’ve ever heard, and I share a hallway with Janus.” 

“Oh, really, that’s the thing you’re focused on? Tch, wow, Patton.”

“No, Virge, I didn’t mean it like that—”

“You don’t mean a lot of things.”

“What? Virgil—”

“No, just forget it. I’m just gonna go to my room—Patton!”

Cyan steps in front of Purple, blocking his path from getting to his door. 

Let me through, you can’t force things to happen, let me through!

Orange’s eyes glow amber in the midst of mist. No one’s noticed the odd spot on the floor that suspiciously looks like carrot juice had a baby with peach fuzz.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Purple sneers. 

Cyan frowns at the use of a swear word, but he decides to let it be this time.

“I just want to talk with you, Virge. That’s it,” he explains, pushing down a nebulous feeling of—wait, what?

A huff, “Yeah, because blocking me from my room is gonna go so well for you.”

“Virgil, please. I just—I wanna talk about the meeting.”

Well, that sure shut Purple up. 

Purple presses his lips into a thin line, grumbling a quiet agreement along the lines of ‘whatever, fine’ and nods at Cyan to continue. Cyan lets out a breath of relief before he speaks. 

“We...I know you weren’t there either, but...do you know what’s happened with everyone else?” he asks, fiddling with the paws of the cat hoodie tied around his neck. 

“No, I don’t,” Purple answers, shortly.

“Okay, that’s—okay. I think something, um...you haven’t seen Roman around, have you?”

A pause, worry slithering its way into Purple’s throat, “Uh, no, I haven’t. He’s—I thought he was just working. Just work stress an’ all that.”

Cyan nods, thinking. Purple narrows his eyes at him, suspicion joining the worry. 

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Cyan forces his hands still, “Well, Janus—”

“Oh, Janus told you something? And you actually believed him?” 

“Wha—Virgil, now’s not the time to be rude.”

The chide is promptly ignored. 

“You’re implying something’s up with Princey, and you think Janus is the Side to tell you what’s wrong when he’s the one who always fucks with him? Really?”

A scoff. Eyes burn with hurt. They both think the same thing.

Why are you doubting me when I know him better than you do?

Amber flashes and glimmers in the mist as it shifts an inch closer. Purple crosses his arms. Cyan puts his hands on his hips as he gives the resident armadillo a stern look. 

Discrediting Yellow’s genuine care isn’t a good place to start. It’s been discussed before: Yellow is both Self-Care and Deception, a bumblebee capable of stinging who it wishes while still being sweet as honey when it suits it. It could sting the other critters, but the choice not to is an everyday, every minute decision. There’s some credit in that, isn’t there?

Cyan and Purple stand as opposing mirrors, blocking each other from either the path to leave or the path to rest. They reflect each other in such a way that it’s hard to determine what started in who. They believe themselves to be in the right and the other in the wrong. They think they know better when neither of them know what even happened for Red to hide away for so long. They think they know a certain Side better because he’s Accepted now...but only one of them grew up with him, and the other is the only one getting to know him in such a close way that the Others are hesitant to try. 

Both the little dog and the little armadillo are stubborn, and they don’t see past what their own mirror tells about the other. 

“I know Janus can be...confusing sometimes, but I trust him,” Cyan continues, pushing the tearful feeling back—though it tries to surge up and through his eyes. 

Purple scoffs again—he does that a lot, doesn’t he?

Another frown, “I know you two have your differences, Virgil, but I just think that—”

“No, Patton, I don’t think you are thinking.”

“Virgil, please.”

“No! I think you’re too caught up in what you did wrong, and can’t seem to fathom a literal snake being deceptive. You’re acting so naive with—”

“I’m not naive!” 

Orange eyes flare up in Cyan, blinding, glowing, bright in amber anger and defense. Purple instinctively steps back, flinching lightly as Cyan shouts at him. Cyan breathes heavily, blinking and glancing at his surroundings with furrowed brows. He spots a fearful look in Purple eyes and swallows, Regret burning hot and thick in the back of his throat. Purple’s shoulders are tensed up, hand buried in his hoodie pocket, and he looks ready to bolt away. 

“I—I’m sorry, Virgil, I…” Cyan’s apology dies on his tongue, stuttering and stumbling through a cracking heart at scaring his fellow Side. 

Purple’s gaze flicks to his door, and Cyan wordlessly moves aside to let him by. He does not look at the little armadillo, and the little armadillo does not look at him. Scurrying into his room, Purple slams his door. Cyan winces at the loud sound, standing there in shock of himself. 

“Did I just…oh, no,” he mumbles aside. 

Cyan promptly sinks out. 

Orange waits until the blinding, burning sight of hurt hurt hurt dissipates enough that he can see the floorboards again. 

That, that was so horribly pent-up and cold. Fire isn’t supposed to be cold. Not unless it’s so hot that it feels cold, and this wasn’t it being unbearably hot. It was only cold. Why is Cyan’s indignant icy like that? 

Orange sinks back into his room, shifting into his typical form as he does so. 

If the little dog’s anger is so cold, then how long has it been sitting, pressed down, to get like that? What in the fuck happened for the little armadillo to be so defensive around him?

Why does Rainbow's Heart feel so cold?

[sunflowerfander]

A Romantic

In honor of Aro spec week: take this fic.

TW blood, self-deprecating/suicidal thoughts but it’s not self harm. Background Prinxiety.

Ao3 || Main Tumblr

"Are you sure?" Patton asked.

"Padre, I'm positive! Just go knock on the door and ask him!" Roman exclaimed.

"But we don't even know if he's gay!" Patton cried, looking up at the taller man.

"Patton," Roman began, putting his hands on his friend's shoulders. "If a single man on this floor is straight, I will burn my Disney movies."

Patton chuckled at Roman's solemn expression.

"I'll hold you to it Princey!" Virgil called from the other room, overhearing Roman's statement.

"Now go, and find your true love!" Roman pushed Patton towards Logan's door.

Facing the door, all of Patton's insecurities and doubts began to surface.

"Well, um, couldn't we wait until June? Then it'll be pride month, and surely he'll have a flag or something. Then we'll know his sexuality and can avoid any awkward confrontations. It's only a few more months!" Patton pleaded.

"No more stalling! You've had a crush on Logan for a year and I cannot stand the pining any longer. Not that I don't enjoy listening to you ramble about Logan," Roman assured Patton.

"It's only fair. Before you and Virgil started dating, I had to listen to you rant about him," Patton teased.

"Rants about me? What did he say?" Virgil asked, approaching the two.

"All good things, of course, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance," Roman said, shooting a warning look at Patton.

Patton giggled. "Well, at first he was annoyed by you. My favorite times were when he'd be complaining about you and compliment you on accident."

Virgil raised an eyebrow at Roman, amused, while he spluttered halfheartedly.

"You don't have any proof," Roman protested fruitlessly.

"Oh, really? Well, I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice," Patton unlocked his phone and scrolled through his videos. "Here it is!" he cried triumphantly, pressing play.

There wasn't any video, but there was audio. Roman's voice issued from the device and Patton turned up the volume.

"He's so stubborn and cynical! We're complete opposites, and we can never agree on anything! It makes me so frustrated when he smirks at me and challenges me with those warm, brown eyes. A-And when he calls me nicknames and insults Disney! He's so insufferable with his sarcasm, and his perfect hair, and his amazing smile, and his negative attitude."

The recording ended. Roman was blushing furiously while Virgil smirked slyly. Patton had to stifle his laughter behind his hand.

"Perfect hair?" Roman refused to meet Virgil's gaze. "Amazing smile? Warm, brown eyes that you refuse to look at?"

Roman glanced at Virgil warily, unsure of his reaction. He was unsure of his own reaction. Why was he embarrassed? He complimented his boyfriend. No big deal. But his heart was racing.

Virgil smiled at Roman warmly. "I love you."

"I love you too." Roman returned.

"So cute," Patton whispered to himself. He was still trying to stall for time. Maybe they'd forget about Logan, and he could escape.

No such luck, however. Roman pressed a soft kiss to Virgil's lips, who returned it. Then, stepping out of his reverie, Virgil turned to Patton. Holding his boyfriend's hand, he smiled.

"Go talk to Logan."

Patton groaned inwardly. His distraction had failed. "Please kiddo? Don't make me. What if we date, and then break up, and it's really awkward because we live in the same apartment?"

"Stop worrying. That's my job. And for an anxious guy, I'm pretty confident about you and Logan," Virgil told Patton. "Go. Just do it and get it over with."

"Storm Cloud's right. Go talk to him." Roman said,

"Fine. I'll go," Patton sighed, his heart filled with dread. "But I'm not a Happy Pappy Patton."

"You will be after you start dating Logan. Now, go!" Roman pushed him towards Logan's door, but this time Patton didn't turn back.

He strode up to the door and knocked. (Yes, it was the same knock as Anna.)

Logan opened the door. "Hello, Patton. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hi, Logan. Can we talk?" Patton nervously fidgeted with the cardigan draped over his shoulders.

Logan opened the door wider and gestured for Patton to enter. "Would you like to speak in here?"

"Sure," Patton said, walking past Logan and into the orderly room.

"Would you like to take a seat?" Logan offered.

Logan sat down on his bed, Patton selecting a small stool by Logan's desk.

"What did you wish to talk to me about Patton?" Logan inquired, wondering what Patton could've come for.

"Um, well... I just wanted to ask you something." Patton said reluctantly, his eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but Logan's face.

"Yes?" Logan asked.

Patton twiddled his thumbs, trying to work up the courage to ask him. "Do you want to, uh, go on a date? W-With me?"

A look of surprise crossed Logan's face, but he swiftly regained his composure. "Oh. Well, Patton, I apologize but-"

"Yeah, you're not gay, or not attracted to me. I'm sorry for bothering you." Patton interrupted and made for the door.

Logan grabbed Patton's wrist and pulled him onto the bed beside him.

"It's not that you're not attractive or likable or any of the lies you're feeding yourself right now. I wish to explain." Patton met Logan's eyes, seemingly composed despite the rejection he'd just endured.

"Do you know the term asexual?"

"Yes, it means someone doesn't experience sexual attraction," Patton said, surprising Logan who usually had to explain it to others.

"I'm asexual," Patton patiently waited for Logan to get to the point. "But, asexuality doesn't mean I don't experience any attraction. However, I am also aromantic, which means that I don't experience romantic attraction. Similar to asexual, but still infinitesimally different."

"Infinitely," Patton corrected Logan.

"What?"

"Infinitesimal means very small. Infinite means large."

"Oh," Logan blinked in surprise. "I guess you're right."

Patton giggled.

"Anyway, I just wished to convey my feelings. I do not feel any romantic feelings for you, but I hope we can still be friends."

"Of course!" Patton exclaimed, jumping up. "I would never stop being friends with you, Logan."

Logan, familiar with Patton's tendency to hide his true feelings, was worried. "Are you okay?"

"Of course. I'm perfectly fine. I was expecting much anyway. I'm gonna go and get ready for work now, okay?"

Logan nodded, his worries not assuaged.

Patton left, not noticing, or ignoring, Logan's concerned look. He headed into the kitchen where Roman and Virgil were eagerly awaiting his return.

"Well, you don't have to burn your Disney movies," Patton began cautiously.

"He said yes?" Roman cried.

"No. He's aromantic and asexual. He's not straight, but he's not gay."

Virgil donned an expression of sympathy. "Are you alright Patton?" he asked, crossing the kitchen to where the rejected man stood.

"Of course I'm alright. I don't know why you're all so concerned for me. That's my job! I'm the dad!" Patton exclaimed, beaming.

"Dads need to be cared for too. You matter to us and we want to make sure you're okay." Roman said softly.

"I'm fine," Patton repeated stubbornly. He snatched a cupcake from the counter top and headed to the bathroom. "I'm going to get ready for work now."

Virgil and Roman watched him go silently, him eating the blue cupcake.

Patton shut the door to the bathroom and tossed the empty wrapper into the trash can. He stared pensively into the mirror. He let out a few shaky breaths, trying to get himself under control.

A tear slipped down his cheek, but was quickly wiped away by its owner.

Patton's favorite thing about himself was his eyes. Not their color or lashes. He liked that when he cried, his eyes didn't get red. He could be miserable, but nobody would notice. His eyes wouldn't get red and his nose wouldn't run. He could sit for hours, tears silently pouring down his face, but no one would ever know. It was his burden, not anyone else's. If he was sad, he didn't want to burden his problems on others.

And yet he longed for it. He longed for someone to notice. He longed for someone to take care of him. No matter how he protested or lied to the others, he couldn't lie to himself.

And the truth was, he was crushed. He respected Logan's sexuality, and he didn't blame his friend. He knew that it wasn't Logan's fault or his own.

Yet his heart refused to believe it.

It's your fault. A voice whispered. You're not desirable. No one would ever care for you. The only thing you can do right is lie. Hide. You're lying to your friends. If they knew the truth, they'd abandon you in a minute. All you do is hide and lie. They don't need to be burdened by you. Just leave them alone.

He tried to stop the tears, but the flow seemed endless. The voice was right. Why would anyone care? He was awful. He couldn't do anything right. Not even ask someone out on a date. Logan would never love him.

He knew this.

All of a sudden, Patton was racked with coughs. It felt like he was dying. A small part of him was relieved. Finally, the pain would be over.

But he didn't die. He leaned over the sink, trying to expel whatever was in his throat.

A small blue petal hit the bottom of the sink, the edges painted red with blood.

"I should stop decorating my cupcakes with real flowers," Patton muttered to himself, wiping his lips and washing the blood from his hands. He made himself presentable and left to go confront the world.

[dark-strangeson-virgil]

Sanders Sides/Thomas Sanders Asks!

I'm sure this has been done before but I figured I'd make my own because I'm bored and why not?

Roman - What is your biggest insecurity/what would you say is your biggest flaw?

Virgil - What's one thing that always calms you down when you're scared/anxious?

Patton - Name 3 people you love on this app, tag them and tell them why they make you happy!

Logan - What helps motivate you to be productive?

Janus - What's your favorite method of self care? (Face masks, calming tv, etc.)

Remus - What's the most crackhead energy thing you've ever said?

Thomas - Name something you love about yourself!

Remy - What do you usually turn on to fall asleep?

Emile - What was your favorite cartoon as a child?

My True Identity - Who's your favorite side(s)?

Way too Adult - What do you want to do after high school/college?

Taking on Anxiety - What's been causing you stress lately?

A New Year of Lying to Myself - Set one goal for yourself for the future!

The Dark Side of Disney - What's your favorite Disney movie and song?

I'm in a Disney Show! - Did you prefer Disney Channel or Nickelodeon growing up?

The Mind vs. The Heart - Do you make decisions based more on logic or feelings?

Alone on Valentine's Day - Are you currently in love?

Losing my Motivation - Do you like mysteries?

Sanders Sides Q&A! - Name a fun fact about yourself!

Am I Original - What's your preferred method of creativity? (Singing, playing an instrument, writing, drawing, dancing, etc.)

My NEGATIVE Thinking - What's one regret you have?

Growing Up - How do you feel about growing older?

Making Some Changes - What's one positive change you've made in your life recently?

Becoming a CARTOON! - Who's your favorite fictional villain?

Accepting Anxiety - How stressed are you currently from 1-10?

Fitting In - What's your hogwarts house?

Moving On - What's your favorite childhood memory?

12 Days of Chirstmas! - What's your favorite holiday song?

Can Lying be Good? - Are you in theater, either as part of tech or an actor?

Crofters - The Musical! - What's your favorite snack food?

Learning New Things About Ourselves - Are you happy with where you're currently at in life?

Embarrassing Phases - What "phases" did you go through in your middle school years?

Selfishness vs. Selflessness - Do you want to get married one day?

Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts - How's your mental health doing right now?

Are There Healthy Distractions? - Do you try to ignore conflict or face it head-on?

Putting Others First - How many times did you cry during this episode?

Sir Sing-A-Lot - What's your favorite nickname you've ever been given by your friends?

Emo Nightmare - Did you go through an emo phase? If so, when was it at its peak?

Eyeshadow - What's your favorite band?

Blue Tie - What's your favorite school subject?

Cardigan - Do you have a mentor other than a family member in your personal life? If so, describe them!

Scales - Have any pets?

Red Sash - Describe the last dream you remember having.

Green Sash - Describe the last nightmare you remember having.

Please ask me questions!