#anx rants

[mushed-kid]

LIKE ACTUALLY IM JOKING ABOUT IT BUT IM SO FUCKING ANGRY RN I HATE IT ALL CAPSLOCK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR MY ANGER

IM SO PISSED, I DONT WANNA DO STUFF ITS THE WEEKEND AND I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK AND IM NOT USED TO THAT AND IM PROCRASTINATING BUT I GENUINELY ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO SOME OF IT TODAY AN AAAAHHHAHHHGHHHGHHHHHHHHH IM SO SWEATY

uuggGggGGHGFGGGFGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH i dont want to do stuff but theres so much of it

[delimeful]

to taste your beating heart (8)

warnings: implied abuse, mild blood and injury, non-graphic blood drinking, vamp thralls, assumptions/miscommunication, lmk if i missed any

-

Anx hadn’t really believed the hunters about the whole ‘protecting the innocents’ thing.

Sure, he believed they believed it, but that didn’t necessarily make it true. There were all sorts of ways to ‘save’ someone, and there were all sorts of reasons to deem someone guilty instead of innocent. Especially if that someone happened to be a monster.

Hunters were hunters. They could try and use pretty words to conceal the truth of their occupation all they wanted, but it wouldn’t fool Anx.

They’d realize he couldn’t give them what they wanted soon enough, and then he’d be fair game; subject to however they actually treated the other vamps they ran into.

That’s what he’d thought, anyhow.

After having a coven head waltz into their house like he owned the place, convene for a private meeting with them, and then walk back out without a single threat issued or drop of blood spilled, though, he was beginning to re-evaluate his initial impression.

The entire situation had been so jarring and strange that he’d almost doubted its authenticity for a second, but there was no faking the scent of a coven head. Especially not one as well-established as... Janus.

(Something about the name scraped at him, like sandpaper against skin. It wasn’t the same sharp, piercing pain of ‘Virgil’, but it was disorienting nonetheless.)

He wouldn’t have thought a coven head was even capable of getting through an entire meeting without any blood spilled, especially a meeting with humans. Especially one where the humans in question seemed to spend half the time blatantly bickering with him.

If it had been his coven head that had been treated with such disrespect from beings as reviled and lowly as hunters…

He didn’t even like these humans, but the thought made him shudder.

Things were different around here, clearly. Everyone else already knew the rules, and he’d been left scrambling to catch up before it cost him.

“Fangtastic Four, are you even listening?” One of the insane humans in question prodded him in the side, eliciting an automatic low hiss.

Instead of looking even remotely threatened, Roman moved his finger up to point at Anx’s face instead.

“I’m over here putting my sweat, blood, and tears— mostly the blood, actually— into making sure you don’t wither away into a particularly pointy-toothed husk, and you aren’t even paying attention!” he accused, frowning theatrically at him.

What was this guy even talking about?

“Nope,” Anx replied, popping the 'P' with a casual air that would have gotten him cuffed at best by any older vamps in the coven. “I checked the kidnapee contract and ‘listen to my captor’s ramblings’ wasn’t on there. Add more fine print next time.”

Roman gaped at him for a moment, before pulling back slightly, his lips twisting with something Anx couldn’t read. In the next moment, he had returned to ranting, dramatic flourishes included. “I cannot believe you’re trying to pull the ‘poor, abducted victim’ card when you literally tried to take a bite out of Patton.”

Anx’s shoulders hunched slightly against his will, still waiting for the other shoe to drop even as he opened his mouth to snipe back. “Hey, I just call them how I see them. I was brought to a basement while unconscious, I can’t leave, and I’m wearing handcuffs. Facts are facts.”

Roman sighed exaggeratedly, a flicker of discomfort crossing his face. “Yes, well, don’t try to mind-control and-slash-or murder me during this whole bloodsucking thing, and we can discuss alternatives to the cuffs.”

As though the cuffs were the main problem.

“I feel like maybe you’re missing the bigger picture here,” Anx said, before the rest of the sentence registered. “Wait, you’re serious?”

Midway through the process of rolling his sleeve up to expose his vein, Roman raised a deeply judgmental eyebrow at him. “Have you been paying attention at all since my brother left?”

No, not really. Between the lingering haziness of his forced metal retreat and the bizarre fuzzy-feeling instincts that Remus had somehow activated, he’d been just disoriented enough for the conversation going on around him to go in one ear and out the other, leaving little to no actual impact on his brain. Something about research?

Somehow, he got the feeling that the others didn’t actually know Roman had decided to do this now. Letting a moderately untrustworthy vampire feed from him for the first time didn’t seem like the sort of thing they’d let him do alone.

This did explain why they’d returned to the room with the containment circle, though. His nose crinkled at the cloying smell of the runes, and he eyed the inactive circle with distaste.

He could already see the way things would go. He’d get to feed for precisely as long as they deemed necessary, probably the bare minimum required to keep him alive, and the moment he overstepped, all Roman would have to do was yank his arm back over that line and let the burn of the ward do the punishing for him.

What was the point of pretending this was an extension of trust, then? From within the circle, even if he did try to thrall Roman, he wouldn’t be able to escape.

“Hello? Tall, Dark, and Stormy, can we get on with it?” Roman cut into his thoughts, waving a hand in front of his face. Anx barely resisted the urge to bite it. “If you keep spacing out, you’re going to give me performance anxiety.”

“Performing? For what audience?” Anx snorted, and then watched with bemusement as Roman planted himself on one of the halloween-themed beanbag chairs.

“For an actor like me, all the world’s a stage,” he retorted, flapping his bared arm at Anx expectantly. “Now hurry up before I start developing stage fright.”

“What, you want to do it there?” he asked, brow furrowing as his gaze briefly slid over to the convenient, risk-free containment spell that was only a meter away. He was kidding, right?

“Remus said I would faint, and I’m fairly sure he was bullshitting me, but not sure enough to risk cracking my head open,” Roman replied dryly. “I’ve never actually done this bit before, you know.”

That wasn’t really what he’d been talking about, but whatever. It wasn’t like he was going to be the one to insist he be trapped, even if it was the obvious smart decision.

Anx tentatively sank into the matching purple beanbag chair next to the hunter, and wrapped his hand around the wrist of Roman’s arm, which had been helpfully (read: obnoxiously) shoved into his space.

Despite Roman’s faux-casual words, his heart was thumping a little too fast for him to be anywhere near relaxed. An actor, indeed.

Anx checked the doorway again, searching for shadows under the crack or the subtle turning of the knob. Any signs that the other two were waiting to pounce. Anything at all that indicated he was currently walking into the world’s most obvious set-up, other than his own panicked mind.

Nothing.

He frowned, eyes darting back down to the free meal he was being offered, and then sighed. Whatever the catch was, he might as well take advantage of the offer while he could.

Roman shifted antsily, darting glances at Anx from the corner of his vision. “Do you always take this long to— ow!”

—

Roman barely resisted the urge to twitch away as Anx sunk his teeth in, both from pain and indignation alike.

The pain faded only a second or two later, his lower arm going pleasantly numb, but he still felt like Anx could have been a little gentler about it. He would have appreciated a warning, at least!

He opened his mouth to say as much, and found that the part of his brain dedicated to coherent words seemed to have scuttled out of reach while he wasn’t looking.

Everything was a bit distant, now that he thought about it, like all his senses had been wrapped in a hazy layer of gauze. The realization caused a strange swoop in his stomach, but he couldn’t figure out what to do about it.

It was hard, thinking like this. All the important thoughts seemed to slip between his fingers and get lodged in hard to reach places like grains of sand. He blinked several times in rapid succession.

That seemed a little bit not good. Maybe he should have gotten one of the others to chaperone after all.

Anx was lifting his head now, gaze bouncing around the room like a hunted deer before finally settling on Roman.

Roman could feel the vamp’s nervousness, his gut-clenching anticipation, as though it was his own. He could feel the expectation of pain that hovered over his head like a guillotine, ever-present and automatic.

(Had Patton been able to tell just how wrung-out Anx was during his own stint under thrall? It explained the sympathy, at least.)

He also felt the moment that Anx realized that the thrall bond had snapped thoroughly into place between them. That for all his posturing, Roman wasn’t anywhere near experienced enough to throw it off or even resist it.

Anx could strip away his free will with the simplest of commands, and he wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it.

He knew this was bad, logically. There was a part of him that was freaking out, but it had been confined to a small corner of his brain and cut off from the rest of him.

Physically, though, he’d never been more relaxed. His heart thumped along a steady metronome, his breaths coming deep and easy. According to his body, there was nothing to worry about.

His body was a dirty traitor, and there would not be any replenishing spa days for it in his near future.

Assuming he still had a future.

His fingers twitched again, and Anx followed the motion, still holding onto his arm with those icy fingers.

He stared at Roman’s sluggishly-bleeding bite mark for a long moment, worrying at his lip with a conflicted expression. Roman tried very hard to feel concerned about the likelihood that he was about to be drained by a vampire, and mostly failed.

“This is so stupid,” Anx muttered, and moved Roman’s arm back over to his side, releasing it.

In the same moment, Roman felt a mental tug, like an intangible line had been pulled taut, and then with a snap, the bond was severed.

For a few long seconds, he sat there, stunned by the sudden wave of sadness he felt at the rejection.

In the next moment, his survival instincts snapped back into place like a lock clicking, and he sucked in a sharp gasp of air, his heart rate kicking up belatedly as adrenaline surged through him. He fumbled for the dishtowel he’d brought and quickly wrapped it over the bite, just as an extra precaution.

“There. I played nice,” snapped Anx, his posture defensive as he watched Roman take big, gasping breaths. “Are you satisfied? Do I get to go home now?”

Roman held up a finger in a silent request for him to wait, still trying to shake the lingering effects of the bond. His whole body had gone from relaxed putty to rigid plastic in less than a second, and it was more than a little disorienting.

It had the added bonus of letting him actually think about his answer for a few moments, instead of letting the knee jerk response he wanted to give tumble out of his mouth. (This is your home.)

“We brought you here because we thought you were V– our friend,” he corrected hastily. “And because we thought you were in danger, and needed a safe place.”

“I’m not him.” Virgil’s glares had always been scathing, but the unnatural purple irises added a whole new layer of eerie.

“Yeah, we picked up on that much,” Roman said curtly, ignoring– for now– the way he’d noticed a hundred little mannerisms that Anx and Virgil shared. “But the rest of it, I’m not so sure we were wrong about.”

Anx blinked, his defensiveness stopped in its tracks by Roman’s easy agreement. “What?”

“Anx,” Roman said, the name strange in his mouth. “Were you in danger? If you went… went home, would it be a safe place?”

For a brief, telling moment, Anx hesitated.

“Of course it’s safe,” he snapped, a beat late. “Safer than I am in a den of hunters.”

Roman worked his jaw, trying not to dwell on all the signs he’d seen that the opposite was true. If Anx had retained even half of Virgil’s stubbornness, there was no point in arguing in circles to try to force him to change his mind.

A different tactic, then.

“If you stay with us for a while, we could at least help you recover some of your memories. You can’t tell me you’re not curious about your life before turning at all.”

Anx’s lip curled up in a half-snarl. “I can tell you that, actually. What came before doesn’t matter, anyways. That’s the whole reason why vamps lose memories after turning.”

“Uh,” Roman blinked, genuinely thrown off. “Not to be contrarian, but that’s not true? Remus was turned, and he probably remembers more stories about our childhood than I do.”

Mostly so he could embarrass Roman at every opportunity, but still.

“I’ve actually never heard of memory loss as a symptom of being turned,” he added, trying not to let his concern crease his brow too obviously.

Anx had gone statue-still, and Roman bit his lip for a second before reaching out to set a tentative hand on his arm. “Are you–?”

“Don’t touch me,” Anx snarled, and in the next moment, he was on his feet and then bolting out the door.

Roman sat upright with some half-formed intention of going after him, or at least letting the others know that their resident vampire was upset, and then promptly flopped back against the beanbag as the world spun nauseatingly around him.

Right. Blood loss. He’d just text them then.

Letting his head fall back, he stared at the deep purple walls of the room and tried very hard to not think about how much he missed Virgil, and mostly failed.

[iheartliquor]

sorry babes i aint been tumbling much i started exercising and sleeping anx its done a lot for me makes me feel a lot less compelled to post long incoherent rants on my blog Lol !! keeping it aloha for summer nothing much else is new . feelinng so disrespected and left out in the cold like a leper actually but the only way to deal with that is ritual n ritual use of substances and cleaning and good vibes , honestly , mike its nothing i can even bitch about on here cause its simply too sad and un amusing .

[skelpiescool]

minor rant thing

me and my friend were talking about desendence the disney movie because we could and were planning on watching all of them, turns out that they didnt know cameron boyce died in 2019. anyway i had to explain that. but after researching shit turns out A) he had been acting since he was 9. thats too long to be in such an abusive industry (i get that others have been in it longer but typically leave the industry. he couldnt) and B) the last movie he filmed, Runt, had both a abusive show people workers idk the word, and he was forced to kiss an inderaged girl

anyways i ranted shutting up :D

also i told my friend about mary akte and ashley (the twins who played the baby in full house) and how they were in the industry since they were like 1 or smtn, and now their having a crisis. also told them that their real people anx not people that tally hall made up and yea.

[karnaca78]

I'm looking forward to see your exploration of the Dishonored scientific lore! Roseburrow's an intriguing soul, considering he had his best intentions, had difficult time and lived in poverty and then... he's famous innovator with guilt conscience. I see your Esmond on the edge of the discovery - not yet enough resources and support, but he feels he might soon bring great changes in the society. Any natural philosopher is remarkable, the developers really made the game's lore worth of interest, Sokolov from the first Dishonored is my absolute favorite. Renaissance man with many talents and complex character. Perhaps, Dr. Galvani is another interesting scientist. He's as well passionate about his work; marks the day he had a conversation with Sokolov as the greatest day in his entire lifetime; once was Granny Rags' doctor; studied the rat plague, kept a bunch of rats in his house for that case (there was an incident which resulted with a severed arm that can be found near the rat pantry); he can be robbed by the protagonist at least thrice after which he becomes understandably paranoid (I also loved his notes, he seems like an ardent man, maybe choleric). I even find some similarities with Piero. I'm curious what people imagine him look like. Oh, and you can think of the parallels with scientists from the real world! I'm certain there's a lot. P.s. I have no idea if I made any spelling mistakes, but I hope my rant is somehow coherent. I wish you luck :)

Hello! First and foremost, I thank you kindly for your interest and your support, it's very much appreciated!! :)

Your message is very interesting, and there's a lot to say about all of these scientists.

Starting with Roseburrow, I think that's an unjustly forgotten character. Probably because we barely hear of him at all in the games, and not everyone has seen the beautiful Tales of Dunwall shorts. But without his breakthrough, who knows what the Empire would have looked like at the time of Corvo and Emily's story? He's a truly pivotal figure and I think it right to pay him tribute somehow. So yes, I wanted to depict him as he was in his younger years; idealistic, full of good intentions and gifted with a true belief in science despite the hardships thrown his way.

Sokolov, too, is a man of many faces! By 1837 and the Rat Plague outbreak, he has completely eclipsed Roseburrow (whose death is still recent!) with his deadly contributions to natural philosophy. On the other hand, he is the Royal Physician and an accomplished artist. Although his methods aren't always the most commendable, he's also a fascinating character.

As for Galvani! That's a good idea. I don't envision him as a genius, and not really as a pivotal scientist in the grand scheme of things, but I agree that his works and his character in general are very interesting too. He's a bit of a shape-shifter as far as I'm concerned: almost menacing in Dishonored, because his apartment anx experiments are honestly very creepy; less so in Dishonored 2, where robbing him is played more as comic relief and there isn't a mission that features him extensively like in the previous game. Representing him would be an interesting challenge, so thank you for the idea!

Researching real scientists and their artistic representations is also a great inspiration, of course! It's pretty clear that Sokolov is heavily inspired by Da Vinci, whereas Jindosh is something of an "evil" rendition of Nikola Tesla. Hypatia, too, is named after a very real Greek philosopher! I'm not sure about the others, but perhaps someone else can provide insight on them.

Forgive me for rambling! I'm very happy to share my thoughts on Dishonored lore and your contribution is very thought-provoking.

Thank you again for your message and have a great day! :)

[bishop-percival]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

(prev) “Oh I’ve certainly seen it all..,” Teddy darkly said. “The horrors of war are nothing compared to the horrors of criminal negligence. Even the most twisted of minds can’t devise such uniquely terrible mechanisms of death.” “There’s no meaning behind it, no purpose, no reason aside from saving a Haterzoid or two. It’s all in the job title. You’re a disposable intern. You’re hardly even a person until…” That went on for the rest of the trip, with Mike learning an average of three VOSHA regulations for each tale. The ones that were violated to make it possible, of course. As they entered the room Teddy finished with, “…So that’s why the 0.63% of disposable interns who survive and decide to continue a career in science are so fucked up. I got off lucky with an anx-” Teddy managed to shut up just in time to keep the Glornist most likely to use his issues against him from hearing. He apologetically bowed his head to Autumn as he said, in an equally flat tone, “Sorry for the delay. I’ll move on to ten pound weights in preparation for next time you need my help with lifting.”

While Teddy was ranting about the horrors of VOSHA violations, Mike had kept quiet and maintained a straight face. He was sure that morbid amusement was not a reaction Teddy would’ve appreciated. 

In the ritual chamber, Autumn simply gave Teddy an unimpressed glance before getting back to their task. 

Mike noticed it was really only Autumn still in the room, and checked the time to see there was three minutes until eleven. He turned to Teddy to say, “We ough to head to the sanctuary.”

[coldercreation]

Have you ever been in a relationship before?

(Short answer:) I have dated before but not in a serious and longterm enough way that I’d call it ‘being in a relationship’, if that makes sense? Like, I’ve never thought of someone as my boyfriend/ex, so it's just been dating that never became serious enough to turn into a proper relationship.

(Longer TMI ramble answer lmao:)

I've mentioned this before, both in the context of writing Nat's anxiety for CYE and just simply ranting here, that I used to be really anx-depresso for years and years. I had zero interest or energy for anything for the longest time, including anything social. So while other people were doing the usual young people things and getting these experiences, I was just a sad blob getting through them days</3 Crappy times but great source material for writing realistic emotions for all sorts of different scenarios in stories😩 ANywho, I've always been pretty romance-y even when sad blobbing, so when I finally started to get out of that a lil and felt a bit more human, I wanted to try the whole dating thing too. So far I've never really clicked with anyone though, which is why it’s never gone past the more casual dating stage. 

In the last few years I noticed that I really don’t like the whole dating thing in general, at least not in the way it’s gone for me in the past. Learned that I hated being in a situation where the dating started with us having the same expectations (relationship, not casual), but somehow I'd end up feeling like only I was hoping to build that relationship / care / connection, and the other person was just after the physical side. I really didn’t like how it felt like the only way to get attention from these guys was through that route, and my people pleasing butt took a bit too long to realise that that was not a fitting vibe for me😅 Left me feeling a lil bit too insecure and objectified for it to be acceptable in my books :’) But so it goes, it's a learning process like anything else. Still, I decided not to do that at all for now: the next time I’ll even consider ‘dating’ someone, I want to feel like there’s some more connection first and not just physical attraction or whatever. 

It’s just tricky because dating in general seems to traditionally rely on that physical attraction and angle from the get go, and it's so fast. Like, dating apps always rely on the visual side of things from the start, y’know, and you're generally just expected to jump right into it. If a stranger asks me out somewhere, my first reaction is usually a whiplash because… wait, you don’t even know me??😭 (I find people attractive physically/aesthetically too, but that's more secondary for me in the beginning compared to sensing a good, matching vibe from someone over a longer period of time) I know dating is supposed to be about getting to know someone…. but I guess after all these years and experiences, it just easily gives me a weird ick when someone approaches me based on just my looks alone?

Asdfgh it’s confusing, I don’t know how to explain!! Like, compliments and interest is nice obviously, but I guess the next time before I date/go meet someone with the intention of dating, I want us to actually know each other a little bit so I know they actually like me too?? So it’s not dating just because they’re horny and they think I’m fit lmao :')  

[gender-bro-im-not-even-human]

1: I belong to the Therians and Otherkin!!

2: Ooo okay big ranting time!! Snow bengal cat, cream colored(?) American shorthair cat, Blue jay, Pearlescentmoon fiction kin (canon was a hybrid au kind of like sweet tooth, would love to rant about my memories), and another one I have yet to figure out!!

3: I experience a few every once in a while! I usually have phantom shifts of ears, tails, wings, and teeth anx they always last SOOOOO long. I’ve had one last for like a week and Jesus Christ it was annoying. I’ve only had one cameo shift and it felt like I had maybe a fish tail??? I’m not sure but it was very confusing cause I don’t think i have a fish theriotype or any that live by water?? Or I may just be delulu and do-

4: Like said before, I have shifts every once in a while and usually a phantom shift like,,, every two or one days LMAO. It doesn’t affect me too much besides the little things I do like tilting my head and nose booping people. The phantom shifts are decently annoying to deal with especially when sitting/laying or when h need to focus.

5: The community is pretty,, okay? There’s a lot of misinformation that goes around, as well as a lot of people being rude to physical non humans, otherkin, and even people who have more than one theriotype! There are some good bits though! And there are people who are extremely supportive and are always really helpful!

6: Running through the forest on all fours with a mask and tail on while it’s rainy. Specifically that. Something about it makes me feel so unbearably happy with myself and almost as if I’m an animal again. I mean, most of my theriotypes did live in a decently rainy area in a forest.

7: Species dysphoria? Uhh, well, every time I look in the mirror it’s usually pretty bad. Like where the fuck are my pointy ears??? Why do I have no feathers??? Where’s my tail?? Why am I not tiny??? :(

8: Don’t stress too much about figuring everything out! It took me so long to figure out one and even now I’m not sure if it’s correct! It’s YOUR identity, take your time. You’ll be less likely to get confused that way!

9: Well, I certainly want more gear. I used to have a tail that my mate gave me but it got torn up by some anti’s and I don’t have the materials to make a full on mask so I just use my blank one or the one I made for a Pride event. Might make some wings though.

10: Like, as in why I’m like this? Well, I like to believe I’m just a silly little person who had a past life as an animal! Being fiction kin is kinda odd though- it’s like, in another universe I was that Pearl?

11: uhhh, I don’t think I know any other creechurs online that haven’t already seen this!

If you want to know more go yell at me in my ask box!! :3

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[my-anxiety-hasanxiety]

Hot take but Eddie Munson's death was really cheap and at least a little outta character.

Like... Eddie was literally on the rope. He was going to go. There's nothing in that moment that really... flips a switch.

On top of that Eddie the entire time said his thing was running they were running. He told Steve he wouldn't be a hero. So then why the fighting? Sure it was cool af. But honestly... it was cheap. He and Dustin both could've gotten out and still completed their part of the mission. Entirely possible. But he ran back. Why. What changed his mind in that moment huh? Why did he decide to be a hero? Cause it wasn't because anyone was in any danger. Dustin was out. The rest of the fruity people were all on their way to stopping him and as far as they knew had. Even if he just kept running... so why did he turn and fight. It doesn't make sense.

All to say. Eddie Munson was killed off unfairly and unreasonably. It was purely for the growth of Dustin's character which fine sure. Except earlier he literally told him to never change... what's up with that huh?

Eddie Munson was killed off in the most unfair way possible and would have been ideal to the growth of the group as a whole. And if not that then at the very least to just add someone new to the group to spice up the mix. Why kill Eddie Munson? I don't understand.

[alexgalaxyboo]

FINE IF THE PEOPLE INSIST (<- acts like this isn't exactly what I want to do anyway)

So the mission is going tremendously well and our boys find themselves at yet another fancy nighttime event of sorts.

Graves is being his usual annoying ass self and Soap is really close to his fucking limits here which, lemme tell you, is really rare. Because—general sidenote—my mans is very dedicated and overall just.. doesn't “break character” easily. He's a professional, he knows how to act, he knows how to fake a smile and pretend he's interested in conversation and everything right? But Ghost is also incredibly observant and he's started noticing the little tells that Soap is uncomfortable—the way he bites the inside of his cheek when Graves says a stupid joke and the smile that doesn't really reach his eyes; so different from the way his entire face lights up when Ghost says one of his stupid puns. The way he sometimes absentmindedly digs his nails in his thigh every time Graves has started telling some obviously fake story and boasting about whatever bullshit as if he's restraining himself from strangling him as much as Ghost is—he sees it all.

So there comes a point through the night where Ghost decides this is too much and kind of subtly drags Soap off into a balcony for some much needed fresh air and a smoke break from Graves and he's so relieved because he's had it up to here with his bullshit and he's absentmindedly ranting about it before he realises, it's proper winter time and he's forgotten his coat inside.

Soap curses and starts rubbing up and down his arms to warm himself up but Ghost does some quick thinking and—being the absolute gentleman that he is—just takes off his suit jacket and drapes it over his shoulders.

Pause for a moment to consider Soap who is, by no means a small guy, and yet still swimming in the large jacket which is still warm from accumulated body heat from Ghost or whatever and smells like him and all in all mans just never felt more safe and comforted in his life before.

So some homoerotic lighting each other's cigarettes and a much needed break from everything (during which Soap keeps on asking Ghost if he's really not cold and he's freezing his fucking ass off but he'd never admit it and insists he isn't. Nonetheless, Soap ends up putting an arm around his waist and pulling him close to share warmth) later, they finally head back inside.

Problem is, Soap forgets to return the jacket.

Which signs the alarm in Graves' head and he turns bright green with envy. So he starts trying to one-up Ghost and like figure out what it takes to appear better than him in Soap's eyes (that's literally impossible but anyway) and maybe ends up getting too handsy or whatever as he drags Soap off for another dance which obviously absolutely INFURIATES Ghost and he gets up to intervene. Soap shakes his head from the other side of the room because he's dedicated to the mission but—in Ghost's defence—he's literally there to make sure Soap stays safe and isn't uncomfortable or in danger.

He tries to subtly pull Soap away or something but Graves doesn't really get the memo and long story short he ends up having to physically drag him off and Graves punches Ghost in the face.

Cue all hell breaks loose and they have to make a run for it.

But before any of that, (god bless you Hype and your gigantic brain) Graves goes to shoot Ghost. But maybe he's a few too many drinks in and is kinda sloppy and maybe Soap just happens to notice before Ghost does and he jumps in front of him to shove him out of the way and ends up—you guessed it—getting shot in the shoulder.

Ghost hastily pulls him away and since their ride to leave isn't supposed to be there for another hour or so yet he finds the first way out; a nearby motorcycle.

Normally this is where I'd push my sexy biker Soap agenda but seeing as he's heavily injured Ghost has to drive and Soap is just clinging onto him for dear life as best he can with one hand, with Ghost constantly anxiously reaching out to touch his hand as he's driving and lightly shaking him to keep him awake. Somewhere in-between the adrenaline and stress of it all he almost doesn't realise just how close to him Soap is and how they're pressed flush against each other until they come to a halt.

They stop somewhere near his apartment because he's been unable to contact Price back at base and fears he'd be leading in Graves' men—who are hot on their tail so he doesn't wanna risk going there.

He stops the bike in some side alleyway and helps Soap on his feet. From the distance they can faintly hear yelling and they're not sure if they're chasing them or are random irrelevant passerby's so in a bit of a panic Soap just tugs on his sleeve and mumbles "Kiss me," which obviously completely stops all of Ghost's brain function because yes he'd totally love to any time but why is that relevant at that moment so he stares at him blankly and Soap just sighs and pulls him down by his shirt collar.

It's only when he turns them around so anyone passing by the alleyway can only see Ghost's broad back and someone else making out against the wall that he realises Soap meant as a distraction until momentary danger passes and maybe his heart sinks a little but shhh don't tell anyone.

It takes them a while to untangle from each other's arms only when Soap almost goes limp against Ghost since he still very much uhh has been shot and is actively bleeding so once they're sure no-one's around Ghost hurriedly helps him inside and up to his apartment to bandage his arm and hide while they wait for Price to contact them back.

It all started with one thought. Hey I rlly wanna draw some sort of femme fatale esque Soap.

So I went to bother @hyperfixationwizard about it, as you do.

The initial idea was obviously that he's seducing Ghost but then I thought hey it'd also be really cool if he was seducing some other dude (which of course ended up being Graves) and Ghost was his like.. bodyguard I guess.

Cue a metric fuckton of pining and jealousy they're in denial about.

So—to set the scene. The 141 and co are some sort of secret spy group blah blah blah, tasked with gaining very important information from none other than the CEO of Shadow Corporations, who is none other than Philip Graves of course.

Soap and Ghost are leading the mission, with Soap intended to seduce Graves, earn his trust and then gain access into .. like the company's super secret database so they can find the info they need to expose them. Or something. The plot is still in progress (he says, meanwhile together with Hype they wrote approximately 6k words or so between the two of them).

The plan is simple, or at least it seems simple enough until Ghost starts finding himself very very jealous that Soap is flirting with Graves. Like how dare that asshole even LOOK in his direction. Not because he's in love with him or anything, absolutely not what are you on about.

Soap of course is no less interested in Ghost—big guy, mysterious and cool, nice voice, what is he missing, really—and maybe he is more friendly chatty and flirty than he claims he is with everyone. Even if he was, Ghost can't really tell because he's busy being down bad so it's fine.

And things go according to plan, y'know? Attend a gala here, go to some fancy meeting there, maybe a date for like.. golf or whatever stupid rich assholes do, I wouldn't know, but they're earning Graves' trust and that's all that matters.

And maybe somewhere in between all that, Soap and Ghost kind of have.. a Moment™ where Soap asks for help to put a necklace on and asks Ghost for help. There's something about the feeling of his bare fingertips (because he'd have to take his gloves off, no?) so faintly brushing against the skin on his back, something about the intimacy of literally baring his neck to Ghost (because he trusts him and it's quickly becoming clear he doesn't just trust Ghost to watch his back he trusts Simon) and somewhere between all of those some things they probably stay frozen there in front of the mirror for longer than they should've and longer than it should've been acceptable.

They do snap out of it though, with Soap meeting Ghost's gaze through the mirror and shooting him a wink before hurrying off pretending his cheeks weren't burning red.

Funnily enough, that same night or maybe a day or two later, when Graves presents Soap with a necklace as a gift and insists on helping him put it on himself, Ghost finds his blood boiling at the way his hands linger around Soap's neck, peering over his back to admire the pretty piece of jewelry and is about seconds away from murdering him on the spot—subtlety and diplomacy of the mission be damned.

Ta-da!

(there's ,, more to it I guess but this post is getting very long so ,, feel free to ask anything and everything as always lmao)

[my-anxiety-hasanxiety]

Okay. So I know the theory is that DA/yn is stuck in the mirror after giving their body up to the entity™️, Damien, and Celine. Well the 'choice' we make right-? What if that really was to help Celine and Damien escape. So that would mean Celine gets back to her body but Damien can't because his body has been taken. This prompts the Entity to have more control and Damien to continue to be a part of Dark. Etc etc. That would explain why Celine shows up in iswm as Ms. Whitacre or however we're spelling it.

[snazzamazing]

EY JUST WANNA LET Y'ALL KNOW SOMETHING

there's this person who's impersonating me on discord and is telling others that they're the real snazz. They go by "snazzi" just a heads up to not be fooled by them cause a person named SmokeyTheWolf and Moonlight090807 are saying that I'm the fake snazz and that I hacked. Dudes, don't be running around telling people that you're me and being immature about it after. Snazz out, peace✌

[my-anxiety-hasanxiety]

"But they deserve to live!!" No they don't. They killed your family and lots of others. Shut up and stab 'em or whatever.

What do you think of the "revenge bad" tropes frequently found

it actually pisses me off sooooo much when characters are like "ohhh but if i hurt or kill the bastard who made my life and others' a living hell i'm just as bad as they are!" like grow up and shoot him what are you catholic

[abiglizord]

i fucking hate war movies, most of the time theyre bad retelling of ww2 or 1 and i fucking hate it more when people are like "bUt wHY doNt yOU LiKe tHEm"

oh idk maybe because im polish. maybe seeing my country be destroyed, my people killed and their aid in the war forgotten to instead have an american or british hero fucking sucks??? maybe?????? not SuRe though

[hellbeloved-a]

arranged marriage au/s gimmie Now

[my-anxiety-hasanxiety]

Okay Tumblr. Up to you. I'm making an ego ask blog. I'll let you decide who. Please do respond. I need actual feed back on this one.