#anw i will ignore it entirely <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[pmni]

t.adc oomfs what do we think abt the "digital name = similar to real name" theory ? 🤨

[jhuzen]

Hello! I’m not sure if you’re taking requests so feel free to just ignore this! I’m also not sure if you write for Baizhu but I was thinking of maybe m!reader and his first time doing the do but reader is so scared of hurting him the whole time because his body is so weak

gently, gently [m.reader]

alt title: ゆっくりゆっくり；i am but a horny gae man. this is pure indulgence (like any other smut that i made jfc) in behalf of the request. i guess… count this also as a ritual before i pull for the new husbando? i mean, he’s still like a good many weeks away since he’s in the second half of the bloody patch so… ye anw, i hope i delivered, my dear anon <3

�� soft sex because i am feeling soft, top reader, is this me projecting? yes.

A plethora of words come to Baizhu’s mind whenever someone would ask what kind of a lover you are. Really, you were sure that Baizhu can comb through the entire dictionary just to find an adjective and it still wouldn’t be enough. However, despite all that, what remained consistent was his constant praise of you. You are his pride and joy, after all. He was never one to shy away from boasting about you whenever he can.

You were majestic, absolutely charming, kind, clever, passionate, and the list goes on should anyone even ask about you from the famed pharmacist. Not a single person who hasn’t asked about you never knew how deeply Baizhu held his admiration and appreciation for you.

And when he can, Baizhu would most definitely show it to you physically, to make sure to leave a mark as a solid proof of his adoration for you. With every kiss, very touch, no matter how subtle or otherwise, it was something that he made sure was chockfull of love and care. And ever the charming man you are, you would leave him swooning at your equally gentle responses to his affections.

But even your hypnotic charms could never sway the fact that you tend to avoid an act that proves to be far more intimate — Baizhu quickly noticed (how could he not, when you stammered out and carefully tucked him in like a child the very first time you and him gave it a try). Though admittedly, it was rather endearing to see you make a poor attempt on finessing your way out of it, it still was concerning.

And even now as he sat comfortably on your lap, with your hands gingerly gripping his bare waist while you kissed back with fervor and hunger, Baizhu could tell the way your hands around him tensed ever so slightly whenever his hands would roam to touch the skin of your neck, down to your clavicle.

Both of you parted to take in the air that your kisses deprived you of, and Baizhu had a chance get a good look at your pretty face. His golden eyes softened behind his glasses, looking at you so tenderly that even you couldn’t help but notice and imminently melt from. You always were rendered speechless at times like these — when your beloved would drag you out to face the bliss of intimacy.

However that loving haze in your eyes was quickly flushed out the moment his nimble fingers found its way to unbutton your neatly pressed dress shirt.

Your hands flew to his, minding your strength as you smiled up at him, “It’s alright, love, I can go change on my own,” it was an incredibly weak excuse, but you’d rather that than give into your instincts at this point;

A frown tugged on Baizhu’s soft limbs and guilt quickly strapped you down, “Hey now, don’t make that face,” you cupped his cheek, flashing him a smile of solid reassurance. “I won’t be long, I promise. After that, I’m all yours.” With some limitations. Your mind gently reminded, which you so begrudgingly agreed to.

A sigh escaped through Baizhu as he looked at you with nothing but utter confusion, “I hadn’t intended to bring this up in the slightest bit, dearest, but… is there something wrong?” The sweetest concern laced his every word and it took every bit of willpower not to take him then and there. “I feel as though you have been avoiding acts of… intimacy. Though there is not a problem with that, but I think there is merit to you telling me what the problem is, yes?”

You nodded quickly, pliant and unable to resist Baizhu’s sweet coaxing. “Ah… there’s no problem, it’s just…” you trailed off, your words quickly clogging your throat.

You tore your eyes away quickly and ended up looking down, looking at the way your lover’s chest heaved, resisting the carnal urge to just tear his clothes open and ravage him. You of all people craved Baizhu’s touch, but continuously refrained because you feared having to hurt him in the middle of such an intimate act. And you’d rather not engage in it, than have your dearest boyfriend associate some form of pain in such an activity that only sought to bring pleasure.

Baizhu quickly noticed your hesitance, following your gaze as he made you look back up at him, “Just…?” He pried further.

Your hands grasped at his body, lightly squeezing his supple waist. Baizhu instinctively went closer, almost pressing himself up against you with need, “Just… I don’t want to hurt you.” You always treated him as though he was someone that could break, and you weren’t going to start now just so you can feel good. “But it doesn’t particularly bother me. I don’t mind it.”

“Oh dear, that’s what got you all twisted?” Baizhu softly tuts, cooing at you before peppering your face with tiny pecks, “Well, I don’t particularly mind either. I trust that you wouldn’t even do such a thing to me. You treat me so well, [Name]… I couldn’t even imagine a single scenario where I would get hurt in your company.”

You could slowly feel what little bit of restraint that you had on you slipping, Baizhu was willingly offering himself to you, trusting you so openly and you couldn’t even do that. No. It was your control that you never had much confidence in.

But if your lovely partner holds a far higher expectation from you, then who are you to disappoint?

Soft and quiet gasps weaseled out of Baizhu’s swollen and lightly bruised kissed lips, filling the room with delectable mewls that almost sent you into overdrive. He writhed against the plush mattress of your shared bed, grasping onto the sheets with the tightest grip that he could muster.

It felt all too good, feeling the way your long slender fingers prodding within his walls. Baizhu squirmed, but your firm yet gentle grip on the dip of his waist refrained him from running away, leaving him completely intoxicated at the sensation. He can only imagine just how much better it would feel if you finally replaced those modest fingers of yours with something far more enticing.

“H-Hah~ More, [Name], more, ” Baizhu whimpered, completely breathless as his hips jolted up when your fingers brushed up against his prostate. His knees felt weak in an instant and that look in your eyes was all the more alluring.

Your ministrations were gentle, careful, and incredibly precise. Even with the green light he had given, you still made an effort to just as cautious in the first place — you felt through the entire thing, eyes gleaming with concentration as you looked at your lover’s flushed pretty face for any form of discomfort, determined to call it off if he so much as contorts his face into a look of pain.

But even that did little to quell the needy monster that festered within you, showing you how truly desperate it was by the way every moan that echoed through the room from your lover had your cock twitching with an aching need to be enveloped by his warmth. You bit your lip in anticipation, adding in a third finger while you continued to prepare him so meticulously, handling him so gingerly that you were even remotely afraid to break him just by this.

“Just a little more, ‘Zhu,” you whispered, contained and reassuring, almost hissing in absolute delight when you felt him dig his nails into your arms, determined to keep himself still despite the waves of pleasure that you brought to him.

“Love, please,” Baizhu begs through a shaky voice, “I need you now…”

You stopped, as a look of hesitance crossed your features, “As much as I’d love to as well, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to—”

“You won’t,” Baizhu interjected quick, his tone leaning into desperation. With the way he clutched onto your arm, squeezing it with reassurance, and the way his golden eyes shone so earnestly, you couldn’t even muster an ounce of will to resist it. “I will tell you if it’s too much… sound good?”

You broke out in a small smile, chuckling a little, “How odd is it that when I’m supposed to be comforting you, you’re the one who does it for me instead.”

“Not too odd,” Baizhu shared the fondness with a grin before poking your forehead, “It’s how this relationship works, y’know. Now, please… I believe I’ve been waiting for far too long, hm?”

“I’ll make it worth your while then.”

A sensation of pure pleasure ran down Baizhu’s spine when you pulled your fingers out, his entrance clenching so greedily, so incredibly in need of you. You never once pegged for your beloved to be so needy in the first place, but you figured you’ve strung him along for far too long that he deserved to have his demands met even just for the night.

You shifted around as you positioned yourself in between his legs, grabbing hold of his thighs to spread them apart. He looked so delicate like this, looking at you with so much anticipation with a haze of lust swirling between those naturally coy eyes of his. You couldn’t help but squeeze his thighs a little when your gaze drifted downwards. Your lover, by all means, was not small, but the sight of him being dwarfed by you was enough to set you in motion.

You threw him a cautionary glance one last time, but all he had to do was give you a nod and a reassuring smile before finally letting yourself loose, lathering your erection a generous amount of lube. You swiftly lined yourself up within his entrance, the tip of your cock lightly brushing against his quivering entrance.

“So erotic, ‘Zhu,” you murmured, but it was loud enough for Baizhu to hear. “Now I wonder just what have you been doing before all this.” You watched as Baizhu covered his mouth with the back of his hand, looking away just a tad bit to not meet your piercing gaze, “Oh? Does that imply that you’ve done something in the first place?”

Baizhu could only shake his head in protest and denial. He could never do such a thing, not when you’re not with him, at least. But if he was being honest, you are partly to blame for making him feel so flustered in the first place.

You pressed a quick kiss on his temple, “Ready?” You whispered, sweet and considerate, and Baizhu could only meekly nod, bracing himself.

His face contorts into a mild wince the very moment you ease yourself inside him, little by little as you test the waters. But Baizhu endured the slight discomfort, his toes curling at the sheer girth that he had to take in. A quiet wail was drawn out from him, hips rolling already for more and you were far more happy to oblige.

You wrapped his legs around you and thrusted the rest of you inside, indulging in your beloved’s most delectable noises.

“So tight,” you hissed through your teeth, eyes almost rolling to the back of your head at the way Baizhu’s walls hugged your cock tight, clenching around you even tighter, ready to milk you dry for days on end. You looked at your lover, “How does it feel? Does it hurt?”

Ragged breathing was all you heard from the man underneath you before laughing a little, “Not so much…” you could only sigh as Baizhu continued to try and regain his breathing.

“Love we’ve barely started, how are you already so spent?”

“Give me some considerations, at least…” he took a big gulp of air. “I feel like you punched the air out of me.”

You snickered, brushing back his fringe away from his forehead damp with sweat before sneaking in another tender kiss, “Let’s hope that doesn’t actually come into fruition or this will never happen again.” You shifted a little, prompting your partner to squirm at the sensation.

He felt so full — stuffed to the brim with your cock and despite the initial discomfort, Baizhu found himself getting obsessed at the very feeling. There was something so alluring at the feeling of just being full of you. You truly are worth the wait. On top of that, still being so considerate of his condition? No one else can get better than you, Baizhu thinks.

The stillness was disrupted when Baizhu finally urged you to move.

You started with slow, languid thrusts, finding yourself completely entranced and mesmerized by the adorable noises that you never knew your lover was even capable of in the first place. You loved the way his gummy walls clenched around your cock, enveloping you into a warmth that can render you completely senseless. It felt good, so, so good to finally be inside him after holding back for so long, and much like you were to Baizhu, you find yourself caving into the fact that he was also worth the wait.

Caging him in, you placed your hands behind his head, cushioning it as you draped yourself over him without too much force. You needed as much contact as you could after depriving yourself from this feeling, and with the way Baizhu seemed to cave into your form, fitting in perfectly like he was molded to complement you told you he felt the same thing.

Your hips moved with a steady pace, and you relished in the strangled gasps that Baizhu would emit, his mouth conjuring the most pornographic moans, the sweetest sighs and pleas right next to your ear as you laid your head on his shoulder.

And Baizhu could only jolt with every deep thrust, his mind numbing at the feeling of you burrowed so deep inside him, hitting all the right spot.

“H-Hah… you feel so good, baby boy,” you huffed, already mouthing at the juncture of his neck, eager to bite and leave a mark.

“F-Faster, please~!”

A girlish moan squeezes out of your lover’s mouth when you quickly oblige, picking up the pace with an equally consistent deep thrusts that reached the deepest parts within him. Baizhu’s mind was muddled with a haze of pure lust with every time your cock would hit that sweet spot of his, making him clench harder, almost keeping you in place as he licked up the pleasurable feeling.

Suddenly, the intricate touches turned sloppy, haphazard in feeling. Baizhu’s trembling hands clawed into your broad back as he tried to ground himself in reality before he could even get lost in more waves of unadulterated euphoria. Tears pricked at the ends of his eyes as his weeping cock also rubbed up against your abdomen with every move you make, smearing precum on your skin.

Baizhu’s eyes screwed shut — he knows he promised to tell you when it feels too much, but surely this was an exception? He chants your name like a mantra, mixing in with his breathless pleading with every second, you hissed at his nails scratching against the skin of your back before moving even faster, throwing the one rule you’ve made with reckless abandon.

Intensity wafted within the room the room growing hotter, the delectable sinful sounds bouncing off the walls was only something Baizhu could hope not a single neighbor of yours can hear.

You thrusted with fervor, with a pace so brutal that your lover’s body shudders. Baizhu wasn’t even sure at this point if he came — far too fucked out of his mind to comprehend things, all he could do was hold onto you for dear life while you devoured him whole. Cries spilled from his mouth, antagonizing your low, pleased grunts, the bed creaked with every movement as pleasure overtook both of your senses.

“[Name]— I-I— I’m close…!” A wanton squeal interrupts Baizhu’s poor attempt at a warning the moment you took his cock in your hand, squeezing it before pumping him with a pace that could match your thrusts.

“C’mon baby,” you rasped, completely out of breath, but even that was nothing compared to Baizhu, who so desperately tried to catch up with you. “Cum for me, love. Come on.”

And your lover obliges, unable to even hold back as he arches his back up, convulsing when he came, spending himself into your hand with little to no restraint. But even he had barely any chance to catch his breath when you finally focused on your own pleasure, hand leaving his limp cock as you held his hips with a bruising grip.

Archons, poor Baizhu’s legs almost gave out the moment you reached your climax, spilling yourself inside him with the intent to fill him up to the brim.

Hah… So full… His legs soon fell from around your waist, hips still in tremors as he slowly took in the warmth your seed gave him.

The room was silent, save for both of you trying to regain your breathing and some sanity.

Your mind was clouded while you indulged in the high of your orgasm, only looking at Baizhu and how the bedside lamp in your dim room managed to illuminate his best features despite what you just did to him.

You smiled a little, reaching a hand to wipe away some sweat that dotted your lover’s forehead, “You okay?” And in just that question, in an instant the feverish monster in bed dissipated as your gentle visage entered Baizhu’s vision.

He took your hand and kissed it with an equally pleased smile, “Very much…”

The both of you basked in each other’s company as the lamp flickered through the dim room.

You dipped down and gave him a quick peck on the lips, “I’ll go get some towels.” You whispered against the corner of his lips before getting up, only to be stopped by your beloved instead.

“Maybe later…?” Baizhu pleads with an endearingly hopeful smile.

You nodded.

“…Maybe later.”

[estebanocon]

Another Singapore GP, another selfie dump.

[1] Nico Rosberg - 2016 WDC gave us a jump scare when he showed up, shoutout to my friend who's a big fan of his who he remembered and was probably the reason why he turned around to smile for this pic because I was so sure he was just going to keep moving down the line. 🥲

[2] Alex Albon - my fellow March Aries: always kind, always obliging and generous with his time, also came prepared with his own marker!! A true professional.

[3] Nico Hulkenberg - I've seen this man every year since 2017 and he's ignored me every single time and I was just going to accept that he was never going to give me the time of day when finally, this year he deigned to take a picture with me. 💀

[4] Franco Colapinto - this man could not be less interested in taking this photo BUT Y'KNOW WHAT? I give him major props for doing it anyway when he could have just ignored me.

[5] James Vowles - the last selfie I took at the Singapore GP! Luckily there weren't a lot of people where I was, so he kindly stopped for a second to take this before going on his way.

[6] Mick Schumacher - another fellow March Aries: most of the time he just signs stuff but that particular day he decided to take pictures with fans as well, which I'm so glad he did. 🥺

[7] Ayao Komatsu - we almost didn't recognise him because he was dressed in civvies on race day?? Anyway, please take good care of Esteban. 🙏

[8] Maya Heug - the only F1 Academy driver I asked for a picture and gotta be honest, I was just stalling so I could ask Rene as well. 🫠

[9] Rene Rosin - after we took this he immediately roasted me for not waiting until they left the paddock because "the picture will be nicer without the gate". 🤡

[10] David Croft aka Crofty - another one for the "I see them every year but I finally got their attention" folder. He always has earphones in so I had to wave my entire arm for him to notice.

[11] Martin Brundle - see above, except he doesn't have earphones in and usually just zips past us.

[12] Simon Lazenby - I just missed him in 2022 so it was good to catch him this time!

[13] Jamie Chadwick - I was surprised that nobody else seemed to recognise her this year but maybe it was because she's not driving? Anw, a nice surprise to see her again!

[14] Anthony Davidson - a friend of mine is a big fan so I've seen him a lot but this was the first time I asked for a pic. 😬

[15] Tom Clarkson - aka the guy who had to tell Max to mind his language during the Thursday press conference. 🙊 I know him as the host of Beyond the Grid and got to tell him I love the podcast, and he thanked me for listening.

[16] Lee McKenzie - Lee, Rosanna Tennant (who was also around!) and Ruth Buscombe (who I saw multiple times but the timing was never right 😭) are probably my favourite track-side reporters. This was my first time seeing Lee in person and I was so glad she took the time to stop for this pic!

[17] Aurélie Donzelot - I've been a fan of her work for years, since she was at Renault/Alpine literally changing the motorsport social media game. She's independent now and I still love following her work spotlighting women in motorsport on her podcast "Racing Lives" as well as her stories on Substack.

[18] Susie Wolff (featuring Jennifer the marshal) - I felt bad at first because my friends also wanted a photo with her and we could have taken a group photo but she was in a rush and only stopped for me. Later that night she saw us again and asked security to step aside so she could take pictures with my friends, which was very kind of her. 🫶

[ more of my F1 experiences ]

[cal-writes]

Hi! I just wanna start by saying I adore your writing so much and you inspire me a whole lot!! Everytime a new chapter of yours drops I feel like life gets a bit brighter lol.

Anw, I hope you’re still receiving prompts? There’s one that has been sitting at the back of my head for way too long:

“The Strawhats are convinced Zoro’s foreigner, coin collector, sword user, tattoo enthusiast, bread hater, cardiac surgeon boyfriend is entirely made up, until they realise he’s real.”

I’ve been itching to write it but it never came around soooooo :3

Have a good day ilysm <3

that is so incredibly sweet of you. thank you so much for telling me! I'm glad i can inspire and brighten <3

prompts are always open i just - apparently - do not see them sometimes or dont have an idea

-

Zoro glares down at the collection of coins as if they have personally offended him. He crosses his arms, brow furrowed in concentration which in turn makes the poor vendor of the flea market stand pale and sweat. The young man lets himself get distracted by an old lady asking about the display of postcards he has laid out

"What's got you so pissy this morning?" Nami asks him, crossing her arms as well before she huffs. "If you didn't want to come you could have said no." She tells him. Usually she asks Robin to the flea market - because Robin loves that sort of thing and because they get coffee after - but one of her classes had her busy on a week long project. Maybe she should have just stayed home.

Zoro's expression turns from murder to confusion as he blinks and glances at her. "I wanted to come?" He says incredulously.

"Then why are you glaring daggers at this crap." She asks, gesturing at the rickety table and its myriad of good before catching the eye of the vendor. "No offense." She adds with a sweet smile which is ignored.

Zoro huffs and rubs the back of his head. "Law collects this stuff and I figured it'd make a good gift but these all look the same." He mutters and Nami narrows her eyes at him.

"Law?" She asks and Zoro gives her another look, as if he thinks she is an idiot.

"Yes?" He shoots back.

"Who's that?"

Zoro rolls his eyes and exhales sharply. "Not this again." He mutters before glaring at her from the side. "You know who he is."

Nami waves her hand. "Ah, yes of course. The 'boyfriend'." She says, making airquotes with her fingers.

"Why do you always say it like that?" Zoro asks and the vein on his forehead announces his irritation.

"Oh, please." Nami scoffs. "You don't have to keep pretending. I won't tell Hiyori. I get it." She tells him, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "Fuck knows I've told people you are my boyfriend before so they'd leave me alone." She says, picking around in a jewlery box of tangled necklaces, trying to find anything of value she can haggle the price down of.

"Okay?" Zoro says. "He is actually my boyfriend though."

"Riiight, the tattoed heart surgeon from Frevance who collects swords and coins, now, apparently. He's definitely real." Nami tells him with heavy sarcasm, as she tries to pull apart two pieces of jewlery.

"Glad we're in agreement." Zoro replies, being deliberately obtuse.

Nami snorts. "Would love to meet him one day." She says to play along.

"Good. Because he's coming this way." Zoro tells her, unbelievably smug, pointing over his shoulder.

She glares at him from the corner of her eye. "Like I'm gonna fall for that-"

A tattoed arm glides over Zoro's shoulders before a tall lanky man comes up to him and Nami turns to stare. "Hey, didn't know you were going to be here." The man says to Zoro before glancing over at Nami.

"Law, Nami, Nami, Law." Zoro introduces them, smirking insufferably at her before she has time to control her expession of shock.

[tamelee]

Personally I don’t really get people who say they acknowledge Sasuke and Naruto’s romantic bond but still ship Sasuke with a woman… Like, they saw that he was gay (he’s shown to not be attracted to women so he’s not bi) but kinda don’t care?

Actually I don’t really understand the whole shipping culture, or even mainstream fandom culture… I don’t know, I just don’t see the point in just making up content for pre-existing characters while completely destroying what made the characters unique in the first place by ignoring canon entirely (like crack-shipping). I get why people wouldn’t like everything about canon, it’s my case too, but if they don’t like anything about canon… Why are they here in the first place?

Nooo now I sound grumpy. I must be bothering you I’m so sorry 😭😭

Anyway, you’re amazing and I hope you know it 🥰

You don't sound grumpy to me dw 🫶

Well, I don't believe such ships have much to do with Canon either way. And I doubt all of them hate Canon per se, though some change 'Canon' to like Canon, which is funny. "This is my Canon." Yeah, not how it works, but ok- have your Canon your way ofc ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌

Side-note though, I don't think Sasuke even knows who Hinata is? 😆 It's as you say; crack-shipping. (I saw that giant/small-yaoi meme here on Tumblr again. No idea what it's called, and immediately thought; a yes, Sukuna and Levi. Kinda want to draw xD Makes no sense at all.) A lot of Headcanon is derived from personal... ideas/desires/inspiration or self-inserting reasons? (Isn't that exactly what 'x-reader' fics are?) Or even trend-posting. As much as characters are used to tell a story for the original author/creator (they're essentially tools), do fans use them to create new ideas. "Ah yes, we all know this character, let's create something around it simply because I want to." Which is completely fine, right? Look at rare pairs. And to be fair, a lot of content, fictional writing and art aren't even based on canon either. The closest thing through fan-work are Manga analyses or meta's, even panel redraws- stuff like that. People adapt 'canon' into fanwork through various degrees or sometimes ditch it altogether. Nsfw/spice is by default made up and entirely Headcanon :') (Though personality can be depicted in a way ig, through expression/behavior and whatnot.)

I totally get what you mean though, although I guess I'm caught up in fandom-culture now. Personally, I do like characters as 'canon' as possible, but it really depends. For some Animanga I don't really care. I think I ship pretty much all TR/BlueLock-characters for literally no reason, but I wouldn't claim it to be Canon in any way (˚☐˚! )/

However, I don't like it when Naruto and Sasuke's characters are butchered. Made-up context or not. The originals are so special to me and it's the reason why I'm a fan, though I don't mind too much in fics, depending on the story. I find it hard to feel the same when they've practically become someone's OC's with only the same name and design. I can't even read height/age-differences because I can't imagine it xD But anyway, this all includes "official" work made for financial/marketing reasons also- especially those damn novels. Those never have anything to do with canon, nor does it align with it. No matter how passionately people claim otherwise.

I'm only a tiny bit petty about it >< u&me grumpy 🤝 And aahhww I don't actually, you should see me sitting here in giant red Christmas socks and a glittery green sweater that's kinda itchy tbh. I don't really feel anything other than those glitters annoying me every 3 seconds... which reminds me I should change -.- anw thankyou <3

[solneur]

LAST DANCE — P.JS

SYNOPSIS. as your wedding nears its end, jay knows he has to say goodbye. but before that, all he wants is to enjoy one last dance with you.

PAIRING. best friend!jay x f!reader

GENRE. best friends to ???, angst

WARNINGS. none :) that i could see

WORD COUNT. 1.1k (1195)

AUTHOR’S NOTE. happy jay day !! fun fact: i actually cried while writing this LMFAO. anws, i hope y’all enjoy <3

“The dance floor is now open! I repeat, the dance floor is now open!” The wedding emcee announced from his podium in the far corner of the reception room, a bright smile adorning his face.

The live band you had hired began to play a slow, mellow song, and Jay watched as many of the guests began to get up, pulling their partners along with them.

His eyes then darted to you, all dressed in white, a small smile tugging on your lips as you watched the guests from your spot on the stage.

Before anyone could stop him, he hastily made his way over to your table, his heart hammering in his chest.

“May I have this dance?” He asked with his arm extended toward you, ignoring the pointed expression your now-husband, Sunghoon, was giving him. Your expression slightly fell when you saw the look your husband was giving your childhood best friend, your smile now turning into a frown.

You were unsure of what to say as you took a glance at the male beside you, who stared at Jay with slitted eyes, before you quickly swallowed the lump in your throat as you nodded your head. “Sure.”

The two of you then headed towards the dance floor, with you trailing behind. Jay soon noticed your lack of speed, as he gently held your wrist to help guide you toward the growing crowd.

“I’m sorry about him,” you muttered as you placed your hand onto Jay’s shoulder, an apologetic look taking over your features. Jay shook his head as he scoffed out a small laugh, pulling you in closer, hand resting perfectly on your waist. “It’s okay, Y/N. He has every right to act that way,” he replied, eyes still remaining on your figure.

“Still, you’re my best friend. He knows that.” A disappointed look spread across your face. Jay squeezed your intertwined hands in reassurance, his smile diminishing from his face.

“Well, that’s what I get for being in love with his wife.”

Regret soon filled inside of him as he watched your face fall entirely, guilt and remorse replacing your once timid expression. You chewed on your bottom lip in discomfort, breaking eye contact with the male in front of you.

You didn’t want to have this conversation right now. Especially on your wedding day.

A silence soon fell upon the two of you as you danced together, only giving meek smiles to other couples on the dance floor you made eye contact with. The atmosphere was thick, but luckily no one else but the two of you could notice.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Jay abruptly spoke, his eyes still fixated on another part of the room.

You couldn’t even properly register what he said as your chest began to feel heavy, and you couldn’t help but blink at him in confusion. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

Jay finally turned his head, making eye contact with you once again. “I’m getting on a plane and moving back to Washington,” he explained, his voice shaky.

Tears began to prick at the corner of your eyes as you stared back at him stunned, unsure of what to say in this situation. “Why?” You coughed out, brows knitted together in distress. Your throat felt tight as you maintained eye contact with Jay, your glazed eyes making his heart drop in an instant.

“Because I have no reason to stay.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as tears began to flow down your cheeks. “That’s not true,” you whimpered. Jay’s features formed into a somber expression at the sound. “My best friend- the person I love, just got married to someone else.”

“That doesn’t mean that you have to leave,” you argued, your voice wavering as you spoke. Jay let out a small sigh, his body becoming stiff at the sight of you crying. “Come on, Y/N. We both know Sunghoon would never let me near you after this,” he muttered, diverting his eyes to the mentioned male, who stared back at him intently.

Your heart shattered at his statement. Because you knew that it was true.

You knew Sunghoon trusted you with every bone in his body, but after learning that Jay harbored feelings for you, he openly disapproved of your relationship with the male. And although you tried to make it work for the three of you, Sunghoon was always going to loathe him, no matter what.

But even so, you weren’t willing to lose your best friend so easily.

“I’ll talk to him, I promise. Just please don’t leave-”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. But it’s already been decided,” Jay interjected, his head snapping in your direction.

He gulped when he saw your lips tremble, and in that moment, you couldn’t help but crumble in his arms.

Jay wrapped you into a hug in an instant, arms enclosing your figure so perfectly you almost thought that he truly belonged there.

The two of you held each other close as you cried on his shoulder throughout the duration of the song, not caring about anything else but the two of you in that moment.

And as the song was coming to a close, Jay knew that it was time to say goodbye.

“Y/N,” he softly called out, voice so faint only you could hear him.

“I know this is late, but I just want you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will. I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you sooner,” he whispered as he gently rubbed your back in an attempt to soothe your soft cries, swallowing down the painfully huge lump beginning to form in his throat.

And just like that, the song came to an end, the lead guitarist strumming one last chord before it was really over.

As Jay removed himself from your tight grip, he quickly planted a small kiss on the apple of your cheek, a heart-wrenching smile pulling on his lips.

You stared back at him with a deep pout, eyes sagging down in sadness and cheeks stained with tears. Although you knew Jay like the back of your hand, you couldn’t tell what emotion he was hiding behind those dark brown eyes.

After a few seconds of complete silence, he finally said the one word he never wanted to say to you in his entire lifetime.

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

Another smile adorned his face, this one bittersweet and full of regret.

You bit back a sob as you met his gaze, trying not to burst into tears at that moment.

“Goodbye, Jay,” you croaked out, almost choking on your words.

With that, you no longer felt his warmth as he retracted his hands away from your body, the reluctance to pull him in closer again dissipating.

As applause and cheers filled the reception room, he turned on his heel with a heavy heart, eyes glassy and lips pulled into a flat line, the atmosphere feeling sullen as his figure grew smaller.

You watched as he walked away, your eyes never leaving his form.

“And I’m sorry,” you whispered quietly, your gaze lingering in his direction as he disappeared from your sight, your wedding, and your life.

© solneur, 2022. do not copy, repost, or translate.

[universalistotalis]

Chance

Hinata Shoyo (Timeskip!) x Female Reader

Masterlist!

You might as well just shit in your pants.

Of all the times that the gods decided to play with your life, why did it have to be now? WHY THE FUCK?!

This day was supposed to be a lazy day since it’s a rare break from work. It was supposed to be a relaxed grocery shopping and a relaxed trip back home with the face masks and candles and snacks that you bought. But NO! The universe had other plans!

You closed your eyes and looked up as your fingers grabbed the door handle leading to the passenger seat of his car. You sighed for the nth time since meeting with those striking eyes that you’ve missed so much and after a couple of seconds, you decided to open the car and let yourself in.

What's the worst that could happen right?!

The interior of the car was sleek and the welcoming scent was of fresh pine with a hint of him. You ignored the erratic beating of your heart as you reached for the seatbelt to secure yourself in.

“All set, y/n?” Hinata asked and the engine roared to life.

“Yep.” You smiled and nodded, just looking straight ahead.

“Lead the way, alright?” He said with a gentle voice and you both zoom to the highway.

“Y/n… Can I talk to you for a moment?” You were faced with a blushing Hinata Shoyo, fresh from the win of another game. Maybe it was the adrenaline that still pumped in his veins or maybe it was the certainty of his feelings for you after so many years of admiration. But one thing was for sure…

He knew he had to tell you.

“Sure, Shoyo!” You said cheerfully, pride radiating from your figure as the volleyball team that you’ve been an assistant of, won the match of the season! That’ll secure them a spot in the olympics! Yes, being the volleyball assistant of the National Team was a job that you never thought you’d be in but then you enjoyed the duties, the thrill, the environment… mostly everything about it.

His strong hands wrapped around your wrist and led you to the locker room where there were no eyes scorching your every move. Hinata wanted to have the privacy that you both needed for his confession.

You were beginning to worry about his lack of cheerful outbursts after the win. Usually, he’d be jumping with his team mates and screaming at the top of his lungs but now… he was quiet as the wind. You have come to know all his moves too well over years of friendship. Actually, you consider him as one of your best friends since he often is the first person that you think of sharing your stories to. (Okay, fine a little bit more than a friend but he didn't need to know.)

“H-hey, Shoyo. Are you alright?” You asked, your steps faltering on the hallway near the locker room. “Is there something wrong? You’re not like your usual self.”

He turned around to face you slowly. His usual straightened back was slightly hunching and his other hand grabbed his nape for scratching. And you knew in that moment, that he was nervous. But for what?

You saw his adam’s apple bob up and down his throat before your eyes landed on his. A breath hitches and before you know it, he was centimeters away from your face.

Surely it’s a dream right? The guy that you’ve been crushing on, ever since the day that you laid your eyes on him, was merely staring at your lips and tightening his grip on your wrists.

“Shoyo…” You whispered, still in a daze of the situation.

His damned eyes looked up to yours and it filled with the warmth that you were so used to seeing. It was the same pair of eyes that silently comforted you when your day had been exhaustingly slow. It was the same ones that silently pushed you to move forward when you felt the world was against you. It was him beside you, all those excruciating but unforgettable years.

His laugh sliced through the silence and the tension between the both of you and he caught your cheeks in his hands. Your own laughter bubbled in your chest as his was contagious.

“I have no idea if what I’m doing is right but I need you to know…” He took a deep breath, reddening at his words. “I like you, y/n. I really really really REALLY like you.”

“You can stop here.” You whispered at the quiet humming of the radio. “I’ll just take a bus from here.”

“I can take you to where you live, no problem.” He whispered back.

It was mostly 20? 30? You don’t know how many minutes you were in his car but you knew you had to get out.

“Hinata…”

“You used to call me Shoyo.” He deadpanned, purposely going faster when he passed the bus stop you were referring to. “You used to tell me everything. You used to be my best friend. And you said you liked me back…”

You looked away at his face that was glazed and clearly stuck in the past as you were.

“So why’d you leave?” You didn’t mistake the pain in his voice because as you looked back on his side profile, he had a look of genuine agony.

You were shocked at his revelation. He was Hinata Shoyo. The worldwide volleyball sensation who everybody loved and idolized. The man haunting you everywhere because of countless billboards and posters. You didn’t dare believe that he would be caught up with someone like you.

Your eyes just stared at his figure at the driver’s seat. Thoughts flooding your mind of the things to say yet still say nothing.

You wanted to tell him that YES, you were still hopelessly in love with him. And that YES, you tried to date other guys but they weren’t as genuine and passionate as he was. And that YES, you regretted leaving without any trace, without any goodbyes. He was one of the most important persons in your life and you made it look like he was trash, disposed like he was nothing.

But then you also wanted to tell him that you’re scared of a relationship. You’re scared to not be enough for him. You're scared when you heard people talk when you held hands in public. You’re scared of being left alone. And so you decided it was better to be alone.

“There, just by the flowerbed.” You pointed stiffly as he maneuvered his automobile to the front of your house.

He helped you get your groceries from his trunk like the real gentleman that he is but the silence was definitely deafening both your ears.

But Shoyo knew better than to push you for answers. He was the only one stuck on the maybe’s of the two of you. Perhaps, it was just pure luck that he found you in that grocery store. Perhaps, the universe was playing a prank on him to stab the knife a little deeper.

“Thanks for the ride.” He heard your sweet voice and replied with a smile that would hopefully look happy to you. He was nowhere near happy now, just full- on frustrated with himself, with the world, with the—

“Shoyo.” You called.

His entire body froze at the way you said his name.

“I have no idea if what I’m doing is right but I need you to know…” His head snapped so fast at your words… the very same ones he said when he confessed. “I like you Shoyo. I still do.”

Tears were brimming your eyes now. “I let fear control me and blind me. I chickened out when I heard comments about us. I was so scared that I wouldn’t be enough for you. I was so scared that you’ll eventually leave. So scared of how much I loved you that it would break me to lose you. You’re the best-est friend I could ever ask for and I’m so sorry if I ran away like that.”

“HOLD ON.” He held his hand in air. “You said LOVED. Y-you love me?”

A surprised giggle left your mouth. Of all the things you said!

“I do.” You nodded, still amused by his child- like reaction. “I do, Shoyo. I understand if you don’t feel the same way and if you want this to be the last time we see each other but… if you would give me another chance… I won’t let that fear lead the way and I promise to love you with my whole heart.”

With your statement, he closed the distance between the two of you and caged your head in a kiss. He wanted to cry at the contact because he just missed you so much!

"You don't have to be scared of anything or anyone, alright? I'll protect you from now on."

Hinata Shoyo made so many rash and bad decisions. But he also made good ones. And the best one he did, was to give you your chance that day. Now, he knows what true love really is like.

--

I keep making them longer than intended! Hahaha anw, have you been tuning in to the olympics lately? I'm cheering hard for the Japan Volleyball Team and I hope to god they win!

Reblogs are appreciateeeed! <3

[peaches-writes]

d-day

description: a graduation seven years in the making member: minho / lee know genre: fluff (?), angst, almost lovers au, college au, reader is a film student word count: 7.8k warnings: explicit language, drinking, food, suggestive note: this is so patchy n messy im so sorry anw based on one of my fave films 

d-3 until graduation

You exhale a sigh of relief at finally finishing 2 hours worth of revisions, rubbing your blurry eyes before stretching your tired arms upward. Professor Park, your thesis adviser, looks up from her own work at your action, a small smile on her lips. “Done?” 

You nod with a grin as you quickly open your laptop’s Mail browser, forwarding your final, final, final thesis to her e-mail account. “I already e-mailed it to you, Prof. Park.” 

Your thesis adviser then turns her eyes back to her laptop, clicking on some icons in her laptop screen then turning back to you, “Well, then, I guess you’re free to go, Y/N.” She then closes her laptop. “Happy graduation.” 

Fucking finally, you groan internally while externally mustering up a grateful smile as you gather your belongings and stand up from your workspace. “Thank you, Professor Park!” 

Professor Park nods with an acknowledging hum, taking a sip of her coffee. “Go celebrate with your friends this week, eat out, party, whatever. I heard that Jaehyun kid from CAL is hosting the yearly graduates-only party.” 

You giggle over your hand. Though Professor Park is one of the ‘hip’ members of the faculty, she always seems to surprise everyone by how much student gossip she knows. “I will? Thanks?” You then bid her goodbye, leaving the classroom. 

Crossing the hallway to the stairs at the leftmost end of the building, you whip out your phone from the side pocket of your backpack, scrolling through your messages and opening your chat with your best friend, Minho. 

y/n: where r u? 

y/n: just passed my thesis 

y/n: officially officially graduating!!! [sent 10:49 AM] 

You then go down the three flights of stairs to the lobby, greeting the security guards and undergraduates who greet you back with kind congratulations as you pass the entrance. Then, going down the final staircase down to the sidewalk, you cross the pedestrian lane to your department building’s parking lot, proceeding straight to your car and checking your phone once again as you start the engine. 

minho: congrats!!!

minho: dept building where else lmao 

minho: w hyunjin 

minho: not done yet [10:51 AM]

You place your phone on one of the cup holders and your backpack in the backseat before turning your entire body facing front, driving backwards as you exit the parking lot. 

You arrive at the Performing Arts Building in less than a song on the radio, parking at their parking lot and eventually finding Minho and Hyunjin in one of the mirrored practice rooms, dancing to the last verse of Chan’s new song. You greet the two through the reflection, waving hello and receiving short waves in return. 

“Congratulations, Y/N!” Hyunjin adds to his greeting, turning around and running to you with extended hands for a hug. Minho pauses the music from his laptop lying nearby, stifling his laughs at knowing very well how you would react to Hyunjin’s initiative to give you a hug. 

When Hyunjin tries hugging you, you immediately swat his hands away, as Minho accurately expected. “Gross, you’re so sweaty!” You exclaim, making Hyunjin pout and Minho finally let out the chuckle he’s been trying to hide. Averting your eyes to your best friend standing behind Hyunjin, only then do you notice him walking towards you as well. 

Minho pats your head once he’s in front of you, careful of not messing your hair. “Congrats.” He greets coolly, making you roll your eyes. 

“You could be a little more enthusiastic.” You huff. Minho passed all of his requirements two weeks earlier than you, he’s really just hanging around campus at this point because he’s too lazy to pack his things. 

“I’m giving you a hug, then.” He says and this time you don’t stop him as he gives you a side hug. 

“Favoritism.” Hyunjin coughs under his breath, making you glare at him. He then changes the topic, glancing between you and Minho when you separate. “So are you two leaving already?” 

“Are you two done?” You ask back in answer, gesturing towards him and Minho. “What are you practicing, anyway?”

Minho shrugs, gesturing over to Hyunjin. “His recital piece still. We’re done already, though.” 

You contemplate on this for a moment. Checking the time on your phone, 11:08 AM, you ask, “Can I see before we go?” 

“Hug first.” Hyunjin teases, extending his arms out again. 

“Dude, I said you’re sweaty.” 

“Then you’ll have to wait until the recital.” Hyunjin sticks his tongue out at you, feigning annoyance. “I can’t with this favoritism.” 

“Then I won’t go to your recital.” You cross your arms, smirking triumphantly at knowing the younger boy’s weakness. “And it’s not favoritism, Minho actually bothers to bring and use towels during practicing.” 

Hyunjin rolls his eyes. “Favoritism.”

You and Minho only chuckle. The three of you then move to the center of the room, you moving to Minho’s laptop while Minho and Hyunjin prepare to dance. 

“So if we run through this choreography,” Hyunjin suddenly interrupts you from playing the music. “Does this mean I’m exempted from having to buy you an obligatory graduation gift on Sunday?” 

You shake your head. “No, you still need to buy me something.” Before Hyunjin could retort, you press play on Minho’s laptop, making him whine in complain while getting in position. 

Chan’s voice echoes around the room as the lively song picks up pace. You place Minho’s laptop on the floor next to you, pulling your knees closer to your chest as you watch the two dance in front of you. 

Whenever they have to move closer to you, Minho would send you a wink while Hyunjin only throws you exaggerated frowns and pouts. You roll your eyes at Minho and stick your tongue out at Hyunjin, teasing the two, but you can’t help but focus more on your best friend, unconsciously becoming dazed by his fluid movements. 

Having an attractive best friend who dances really well is too hard, you sigh to yourself when Minho catches you drifting over to him again, playfully biting his lip while winking at you this time. Your face scrunches up in fake disgust against the heat rising to your neck, to think I’ve put up with this for 7 years. 

Before you can even realize it, the song finishes, Hyunjin dramatically dropping on the floor while Minho approaches you, crouching down to his laptop and closing it. You clap at the performance, thanking Hyunjin for the ‘sneak peak’ of his performance then turning to Minho, “Okay, so lunch?” 

“Are you treating?” He looks at you with pure mischief in his eyes, making you slap his arm. 

“You didn’t even treat me when you passed your requirements.” You point out with a scoff which he only takes lightheartedly with a laugh. 

From your peripheral vision, you see a tired Hyunjin lift his head and turn to the two of you. “If you guys are just going to flirt, can you do it outside? I’m taking a break and I want to take it in peace.” 

“Do you want to have lunch with us, Hyunjin?” You ask, standing up from the floor while Minho leaves your side to change his shirt in the bathroom and gather his things. 

The younger boy shakes his head, laying his head down on the floor again. “Pass, I’m having lunch with Felix later.” Passing by his limp body on the floor, he sends a smirk your way, as if he suddenly thought of something witty. “Go enjoy your date with your Minho.” 

You roll your eyes at this, kicking his knees to which he reacts with another dramatic whine. “Don’t be so fucking loud.” 

“But it’s true!” 

“He might hear.” You complain, eyes then widening at seeing Minho come out of the bathroom wearing a new shirt. “I hate you.” 

Hyunjin sees Minho as well from his peripheral vision, snickering. “Whatever, have fun at your not a date lunch, then.” 

“Oh? Hyunjin you’re not coming with us?” Minho asks, walking over to you with his backpack and laptop. Hyunjin then quickly explains his lunch plans before shooing the two of you out. “Okay, then, see you tomorrow.” 

You bid Hyunjin goodbye as well, narrowing your eyes and sending him a pointed look as well when Minho’s not looking. When Hyunjin shoos the two of you again with his hands, only then do you and Minho leave, his hand grabbing yours as you walk out. 

“You seem very mentor-y now.” You comment as the two of you walk outside the building, swaying your hands in between the two of you. “Like those alums who visit occasionally and help the undergrads or something.” 

Minho playfully rolls his eyes at you. “It’s not like we’ve officially graduated already. Just call me old and go.” 

“I didn’t say that, you did, so you do you, I guess.” You snicker before changing the topic. “Where do you want to eat, by the way?”

"There’s a cafe across the street.” He points out for you. “Apparently, it’s new.” 

And so, the two of you settle for the cafe across the Performing Arts building, miraculously finding an empty table by the window. Minho sits closely next to you on the cushioned seats while sipping on his Americano, extremely touchy now that it’s only the two of you. You rearrange your schedule on your phone in an attempt to ignore the way your heart beats just a little bit faster at Minho’s shoulder brushing against yours while he tilts his head to your side, peering over your phone. 

“Can’t you really come with me and Chan tonight?” You ask him with a frown after looking over your schedule. He looks up at you from this, his face mere inches from yours and making you lean back instinctively. “It’s D-3 to graduation so it’s free food and drinks from the auntie who owns the grill tonight.”  

He bites on his straw, leaning away from you as he answers with a frown. “I can’t cancel helping Felix tonight since he’s only free after 4 PM.” At that, the food then arrives. The two of you thank the waiter before Minho continues, “Can’t you two reschedule to tomorrow night?”

The two of you then busy yourself with sorting through your meals with Minho trying to take your plates to his side and you swatting his hand in response. While doing this, you answer his question, “We’re picking up your suit tomorrow, that’s too much work for me already.” 

“What about the day after?” 

“That’s the pre-grad party.” 

“Well, you’ll be drinking with 1 less drinking buddy tonight, then.” Minho concludes with a pout. “We’re running through Felix’s entire choreo later.” 

You boo him while mixing your pesto which he returns with a glare. “It’s our last drinking party as students and you can’t even come.” 

“It’s not like we don’t have the summer.” He points out. “And the rest of our lives? Hello? We’re not going to be college students this summer anymore?” 

“Minho, you’re leaving for Japan in a month, Chan goes home to Australia after Hyunjin and Felix’s recital, and I start working in 2 weeks.” You correct him. “Come on, I need my two best friends! It’s been a whole semester since we last drank together.” You glance over at him as you eat your pesto, finding him chewing on his chicken slowly in thought. 

When he feels your gaze burning through his skull as the two of you eat, he looks up at you and sighs. “Fine, I’ll try catching up later.” 

You grin triumphantly. “As long as you get there by 9 PM.” You take another forkful of your pesto, feeling lighter now that you get to drink with your two best friends as college students one last time before graduating. “I’ll order you your favorites.”

“You better reserve me at least 3 bottles of peach soju...and all the good samgyeopsal!” 

“You know I got you.” 

- 

You meet up with Chan at your favorite grill later that night, receiving various congratulations from the staff who’ve kept you mentally sane with their samgyeopsal and generous supply of soju in your 4 years as college students as the two of you find your favorite table and order your usual. The auntie who owns the grill, Mrs. Yang, asks about Minho when she spotted you and Chan and you quickly explain to her that he might arrive late since he’s helping Felix with his own recital piece. 

“You know, since it’s just us for now,” Chan says while pouring himself a drink an hour and a half into your two-person drinking party. “It kinda looks like we’re on a disastrous date and that you’ll escape through the bathroom anytime now unlike when we’re complete and we actually look like struggling college students.” 

You drink straight from your bottle of grape soju, giggling while pointing out, “Chan, you just indirectly called yourself a shitty date.” 

“I did? I meant to say we look awkward but whatever.” He then eats another lettuce wrap, chewing quickly to continue the conversation. “When is Minho coming anyway?” 

You check your the time on your own despite your blurring vision, 9:10 PM. “I told him to get here by 9 when we ate lunch but knowing him, he’ll probably struggle booking an Uber again.” You then put your phone back down on the table, careful of the small spills you and Chan made from toasting a while back. “I swear, he relies too much on me driving him around.” 

Chan nods in acknowledgement, drinking another shot of soju. “So we have a little bit of 30 minutes,” He then takes out his phone from his pocket, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You mutter a quick ‘gross’ at him but he continues speaking anyway. “Just enough time to play a round of Magic 8 Spotify.” 

You groan, covering your face with your hand in a mix of embarrassment and disappointment in Chan. “Bang Chan, I swear to God, stop making ‘Magic 8 Spotify’ happen.” 

Chan only sticks his tongue out at you, not even bothering to spare you a glance as he looks through his playlist while drinking. “It’s my drinking game, stop attacking its name.” He deadpans even though you’ve been telling him the same comment for 4 years now. “Now, think of a question and it better be interesting.”  

You contemplate on this for a moment, deciding to humor Chan since you’re starting to run out of things to talk about. “For my question...since this is our last college drinking party, how about the same question from 4 years ago?” 

"Seriously? Lame.” Chan comments but scrolls through his playlist with his eyes closed anyway. You scoff, leaning on the table in anticipation. 

-

4 years ago

“Okay,” A tipsy Chan sitting right across from you takes out his phone from his jean pocket, opening to his Spotify account. It’s your first drinking party and the birthday celebrant, Minho, sleeps right next to you, having passed out after his 8th bottle. “Y/N, you ask a question then we let my playlist answer.” 

“What?” You scoff over your shot glass of soju. “That sounds stupid.” 

The older boy only rolls his eyes, uncharacteristically sassy when he’s drunk. “Just roll with it and ask a question, it’s getting boring with just you and me drinking quietly.” 

“Okay, fine, fine!” You pause for a moment, contemplating on a question while holding your shot glass to your forehead. While contemplating, your eyes naturally turn to Minho with his face hidden in his crossed arms on the table. “Will I...will we—hik! Sorry—will I ever get the courage to confess to my best friend Lee Minho before graduation?” 

Chan almost spat his soju at you in surprise, luckily managing to hold himself back from doing so at realizing that he’s holding his phone. “Okay? I’ll shuffle now.”

“You’re judging me.” Simultaneously, you narrow your eyes at him skeptically with a huff, leaning back against the uncomfortable metal chairs of the restaurant.  

“I’m not!” Chan defends himself while scrolling through his Spotify playlist with his eyes closed. You think that he’s taking too long and that he should’ve just pressed the shuffle button. “It’s...a bit surprising, sure, but it’s kinda expected too, I guess.”

Fools by Troye Sivan then begins playing from Chan’s phone, making the two of you laugh in response. 

“What the fuck?” You comment in disbelief. “I hate you.”

“Hate the playlist not the owner.” He holds his hands up in the air briefly with a chuckle. Putting them down, he then leans to the table. “So, the birthday boy, huh?”  

You nod through your drink. Since Chan hasn’t known you and Minho for that long at the time, he then asks, “How long now?” 

“Only three years.” Internally, you wonder why you’re spilling your heart out to someone you’ve just met this semester as you speak. Chan seems trustworthy, though, so your drunken self continues anyway. “But we’ve been best friends for four years now.” 

“So why do you have to ask if you get to confess? It’s not like you’re not close or something—just do it if you want.”

“Yes, but, you have to know, Chan, that Minho’s the most difficult person.” You state matter-of-factly with a few stumbles in your words now, the alcohol kicking in. “Sometimes, he can be really affectionate, possessive at times even, but then when there’s a lot of people around, he’s so distant...like a walking pile of mixed signals!” 

Chan nods along. When he doesn’t speak, you continue. “And then there’s also the ‘I don’t want to risk our friendship’ bullshit, of course.” You shrug. “Minho’s too much of a keeper as a best friend for me...which is another problem because I don’t know if I’m just overthinking my feelings for him as a best friend or if they’re already enough to consider a crush.” 

“So you’ll just hold this crush in forever?” Chan chuckles lightheartedly, no malice anywhere in his tone. 

At this, you contemplate once again. It takes you a whole minute to answer, “Of course not. I want to fall in love and get reciprocated too, you know, whether it’s him or not.” You then take another shot. “It’s just that, I’m too preoccupied with him at the moment to think of someone else.”

“Until when then?” At this, you send him a questioning look so he continues, “Until when are you holding onto this crush. Realistically, you can’t be in an unsure crush forever.” 

“Until graduation?” You raise an eyebrow, as if asking for Chan’s approval. “A lot can happen then. If future me doesn’t gather the balls to confess until graduation rites then I’ll just give it up altogether. It’d be too long by then, anyway.”

“Wow, such assurance to graduate on time.” Chan jokes to lighten the situation, making you reach over to him and smack him on the shoulder. 

-

This time, Letting Go by Day6 plays, inciting the same reactions from you and Chan at hearing the lyrics. “I’m telling you, this game is very accurate when it’s my playlist.” Chan comments as you let the song play on at a reasonable volume. He puts his phone down, pouring you soju this time. “It’s been 4 years and future Y/N is now present Y/N who still hasn’t confessed yet.”

“What if I plan to within the remaining 2 days?” You challenge, only to receive a disagreeing shake of the head from Chan.

“Psh, you can’t even say no to him asking you to drive him somewhere even when you’re really busy.” 

You groan. You hate it when Chan’s right. 

“So,” Chan continues. “It’s 3 days to graduation. Will you just let it pass by then drop your crush on Minho after graduation or what? What’s the plan?”

You shrug reluctantly, chewing on your lettuce wrap miserably. “I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve been thinking about that thing from 4 years ago the entire time." You look down on your fidgety hands under the table, suddenly finding them interesting. “I mean, a lot has happened but I still feel so unsure...like I don’t know if he feels the same or even entertains the idea of trying with me...”

“We’re going our separate ways after graduation too.” You continue. “Whether something good or bad comes out of confessing or keeping my feelings, can I keep up with him being in Japan? And there’s work too...I don’t know.” 

“Then, don’t think too much about it.” Chan shrugs nonchalantly. “Confess in your own time if you want or keep it to yourself until it goes away even after graduation, it’s alright either way. Maybe you’re just thinking too much into that deadline you made when you were drunk.”

“But don’t you think this crush has been long overdue?” You finally speak out the thought that has been bothering you since it was brought up. “It’s been 7 years. Do you think that’s too long already?”  

“You tell me.” Chan concludes just as you finally reach the dormitory building. “I can’t judge your feelings, they’re yours, after all.”

You think of something else to say but before you can continue the conversation, the seat next to you is pulled back and when you look to your left, Minho greets you and Chan with a tired smile. “What did I miss?” He pats your head again, just like when you met this afternoon, before taking a seat. 

Chan gives you a look before turning to Minho, waving his phone. “We’re playing Magic 8 Spotify. Ask a question, Minho.”

Minho unknowingly mimics your reaction to the name as he takes an unopened bottle of peach soju in his hands. “Chan, the game seriously needs a better name.” 

“You know, you two are my greatest haters.” Chan narrows his eyes at the two of you. “But since I’m nice and this drinking party’s free, I’m letting it slide.” 

Minho chuckles. “So, it’s my turn now, right?” He pauses for a moment, as if thinking of a question. “How about...will we peacefully graduate on Sunday? Humor me, ‘Magic 8 Spotify,’ even though your name is weird.” 

Chan scoffs, closing his eyes and scrolling through his playlist anyway. 

You drink a glass of water this time. “Why the question? Are you expecting something on Sunday or....something?” 

You turn to Minho, receiving a casual shrug from him. “I don’t know. Those things happen though.” 

Chan snickers at this, finally choosing a random song. Sweet Disposition by the Temper Trap begins to play, making Minho chuckle in amusement. 

“Sounds ominous.” He comments, Chan nodding along as he puts his phone down, letting the music play. 

At the back of your head, you definitely think it’s like some sort of sign, even more so when you catch Chan looking at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. 

“Anyway it’s a good song,” Chan continues, raising his shot glass. “definitely deserves a toast.” 

d-2 until graduation

You wake up later than usual the next day, a migraine threatening the back of your head but not too serious enough to make you worried. Checking the time on your phone, 10:20 AM, you groan in frustration and cover your face with your blanket just as you hear your door open followed by the familiar pattern of Minho’s footsteps. 

“Rise and shine, we’re going to the tailor’s!” Your loud best friend announces his presence as he enters your room, proceeding to stand over your bed and yanking the covers off of you. 

How he’s not having a hangover worse than yours when he drank two bottles more than you, you can’t fathom. 

You groan in annoyance but sit up slowly anyway, gently shoving him out of the way as you get out of bed. “Yes, now stop being so loud, I’m gonna get a migraine because of you.” Minho steps to the sit obediently, proceeding to fold your blanket. 

You take out a striped shirt and ripped jeans from your closet, heading in the bathroom to take a quick shower. “So do we have to spend the whole day at the mall?” You ask while brushing your teeth, voice a little louder since you locked the bathroom door. 

Outside, Minho lays down on your now made bed, scrolling through his phone again. “Yeah, if you’re not busy. We can eat lunch after or something.” 

You roll your eyes. “The audacity.” You finish brushing your teeth now. “Plus, you just need my car.” 

Without even stopping from scrolling through his Instagram feed, Minho yells back, ���I need you and your car, there’s a difference.” 

Your heart does a flip but your scoff in disbelief. Nevertheless, you proceed to take a shower, thinking to yourself, how the fuck do I expect myself to graduate by Sunday like this?

- 

At the tailor’s shop two hours later, you sit on the lone metal bench right outside the fitting rooms, scrolling through your Instagram. Minho busies himself on the other side of the thin wall, trying on his tailored suit inside the stall nearest to the exit where you are.

A clerk also stands right across from you, examining her nails, in case Minho, her only customer, needs help.

“Y/N?” Your best friend suddenly calls, garnering yours and the clerk’s attention. “Can you come in here?”

Your face grows red but, slyly taking a glance at the clerk, you see that she doesn’t care. Putting your phone back in your backpack, you reluctantly walk inside the fitting room hall, easily spotting Minho by his head that pops out the semi-open door.

“Why—“ Before you can even finish your sentence, however, he quickly pulls you inside once you’re at a close distance, closing the door behind you. “Ya!”

Once he’s standing right in front of you, only then do you realize that he’s wearing his a crisp white dress shirt and black trousers with a black suit jacket and a loose plain red necktie around his neck.

Though his expression is confident, you really do think he’s the most handsome in a suit. 

“What’s the problem?” You ask despite the rising heat from your neck and an idea in your head of what could be the answer.

When Minho went as your plus one to your cousin’s wedding two years ago, he wore a bow tie because he couldn’t tie his own necktie.

And as if hearing your thoughts, he does gesture to the tie around his neck. “Tie.”

So this is what he meant by he needs me a while back. You sigh in exasperation, taking a step closer to him and taking hold of the necktie. “What would you do without me after graduation, hm? What if you need to go to a black-tie event in Japan?” You scold, carefully and slowly doing the tie for him so he can try and memorize the steps. 

“I’m just going to dance in Japan, not go on red carpets.” From your peripheral vision, you see Minho tilting his head away to look at you as you fix the placement of his tie around his dress shirt’s collar, a cheeky grin on his face. “If I needed you to tie my necktie, I’d video call with you.”

“And if I’m busy with work?” You ask, challenging your now erratic heartbeat (because of the proximity) by looking up at him after. “College’s not as flexible as work, you know.”

“You’re never busy enough to ignore me—college or work.” He shrugs confidently with a small teasing smile. “You love me too much.”

You scoff, finishing his necktie with a light pat to his chest. You’re too prideful to admit that he’s right. “There.” Your eyes then trail over to his suit jacket, a hand finding their way to the textile near the necktie you just finished. “So, this is it?”

“Yup. Like it?” He leans close to you and nudges you by the shoulder before posing with his suit. 

“I seriously don’t understand why you need to tailor suits when they all look the same.” 

“I look so handsome, though.”

You roll your eyes as Minho admires himself in the mirror. Though he can be cocky, you have to admit that it’s perfectly justified, though. Fucking good genes. “You’re lucky you have the frame of a model so even plain suits look good on you.” You end up musing nonchalantly at these. “Handsome idiot.” 

“I’m a model to you now?” He chuckles almost cockily, raising an eyebrow at you. “And I’m handsome?” 

You roll your eyes. “Me being nice is your graduation gift.” You tease. “Don’t get too used to it, it’s only until Sunday.”

Minho only chuckles in amusement. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.” He then turns his gaze to the full-length mirror, examining his suit one last time before loosening his tie and taking off his jacket. “So, do you want to stay in while I change?” For emphasis, he pretends to take off his shirt in front of you. 

You smack his arm, leaving immediately in a rush while he only laughs. 

- 

After you’ve checked out Minho’s suit, the two of you end up at a nearby McDonald’s for lunch, his suit hanging on the fast food’s exposed beam decor. It’s only then at lunch do you realize that you’re both wearing matching striped shirts.

“What do you want for your graduation present, by the way?” Minho asks next to you, taking one of your fries after, clearly unbothered that you look like a bunch of straight horizontal lines whenever he leans to your side.

You slap his hand once he’s eaten the stolen fry. “We’ve been friends for 8 years and you can’t think of a graduation present? Shame.”

“Y/N, when you’re exceptional at gift-giving, it eventually gets harder to top your own ideas.” He says while chewing on his straw and sipping Cola. “Work with me here.”

You roll your eyes, swallowing a bite of your burger first before answering. “I’m okay with anything, it’s not like a yearly holiday so I don’t really have anything in mind.”

Your best friend lets out an exasperated groan. “Seriously?! Come on, don’t tease me!”

“If you’re planning to shop behind my back while we’re here, I can just look with you.” You shrug. “Then, you can get my grad gift for you on Sunday.”

“Then it won’t be a gift anymore.” He points out, stealing another one of your fries.

“It’s whatever.” You shrug. “When have we ever thought too much about those things, anyway. I actually bought you toothpaste for Japan.”

“Really?”

“Of course not, you fool.”

Minho ended up buying you charms to hang up in your car, three cats that resemble his pets and a strawberry. 

“Do you think they do custom?” He asks, looking around as the two of you head to the cashier. 

“Why?” You look up at him, the charms in your hands. “These are cute as they are.” 

“I meant so I can get you one with my face.” He clarifies laughs. 

You only roll your eyes. “I already have enough pictures of you in my car.” You retort, remembering your accumulating collection of polaroid photos in your glove compartment. 

“Oh, right. Should we frame some of those later?” He asks. When you reach the counter, he takes the charms from your hands and gives them to the cashier lady before paying. 

After a brief moment of considering the idea, you nod with a hum. “It’s about time I do something about them anyway.” 

At that, the two of you then sit longer at the mall’s parking lot later after shopping, rummaging through your glove compartment for pictures to hang on your rear view mirror. You hold half of the pile on your lap while Minho displays his half on the dashboard. 

While sorting through your photos, it fully dawns on you how long 8 years has been. It’s too fucking long, you realize as you find photos in polaroid and developed film that you never even thought would still be in your car. 

“Ignore the high school photos from 8 years ago, please.” You remind him, physically cringing. “They’re too embarrassing.”

“Like this one?” He holds up a developed photo from your high school graduation where he bought you a bouquet of sunflowers. You snatch it from his hands at seeing your braces then, cheeks flushed. “Why? You looked cute with braces.” 

You place the photo on your end of the dashboard. “I looked really weird then.” He shakes his head in disagreement but you insist, “No high school photos for my car.” 

“What about this one, then?” He holds a photo of the two of you at Lotte World from your first semester break, wearing colorful headbands and holding cotton candy to your faces. “This was, what, during our first semester break?” 

“Yeah, Jisung took that one.” You add. “Then after taking the picture, we spotted Felix and Changbin on a date of their own.” 

You continue rummaging through your own pile, eventually finding one of your favorites. “I like this one.” You show the photo to him, a badly taken photo of the two of you dancing in Itaewon on Christmas. “You were so drunk this time you were grinding on Jisung and Felix.” 

Minho reacts with a face of disapproval. “Clearly. What will your future dates say when they get in your car then see me looking like that?” 

You roll your eyes, though the question he so casually asked makes you feel iffy. So, you continue looking. “Oh, this one’s pretty.” You show him your next pick, of the two of you when you went on a summer trip to Busan. “This was at Haeundae Beach when they had a summer music festival.” 

Minho smiles, admiring the photo longer than the others. Though the quality is a bit bad since it was taken at night and the only sources of light at the beach then were the fairy lights and the bonfires, it’s a stolen photo of the two of you with Minho’s arm around you and one of your hands pinching his cheek. “If you’re going to hang this up, I get this one,” He then shows a photo of the two of you from when Minho won his first dance competition in the summer before your second year, confetti on your hair and a trophy in Minho’s hands. “the Lotte World pic, and our photo from your cousin’s wedding.”

“Are you taking them to Japan?” You ask, putting your Haeundae picture and Minho’s embarrassing drinking picture aside. You eventually find the picture from your cousin’s wedding, the one where the two of you stole the bouquet to have a pictorial at the old gazebo the reception’s venue had and ended up babysitting your nieces and nephews for the rest of the night as punishment. “If you’re taking them with you, you should take more. There’s some pictures with Chan and the others there too.” 

He nods. “I’m putting the wedding picture on my phone so when people ask me who you are, I can proudly boast that it’s my best friend and that they’re a rising filmmaker back at home.” He glances over to you, catching you smiling giddily. “Sounds good?” 

You return his gaze, holding back a sudden urge to cry. “...I’m still hanging up your drunk photo.” You stammer with a laugh, putting your hand over said picture when Minho tries to steal it from you. “It’s gold and it’s going in my car, let me have this one!” 

“Y/N!” 

You swat his hand away with your other hand, taking a photo from the dashboard, “To compensate, I’ll also put up our recent photo from Namsan so it cancels out your drunk face.” 

d-1 until graduation

The next night, you somehow end up at Jaehyun’s graduates-only party (you’re too drunk at this point to remember who drove but the car outside Jaehyun’s house is definitely not yours), drinking in the last empty guest bathroom with Chan and Minho. Jaehyun said there would be a countdown later (which you think is just too much since it’s not exactly New Year or Christmas) but it’s already 11:35 PM and the party seems to be heading in all directions but organized. 

You feel the music’s bass booming on the tiled floor even when you move to sitting on the bath tub opposite Minho who’s resting after an extensive game of beer pong against Bam Bam in the living room. Chan is the least drunk out of the three of you, sitting right next to the bath tub and munching on candies with a bottle of water. 

“Can I have some of that?” You stumble over your words tiredly as you turn to Chan, pointing to the candies scattered next to your empty liquor bottles. “What are those?” 

“Mint candies.” He passes you one before popping another in his mouth. “They’re clean, they’re from the freezer.” 

You feel Minho shift across from you, leaning over to you and asking for candies as well. Chan obliges, passing him two. “This party’s a bit...” He trails off as he sits back on his end of the bath tub again. 

Even when he doesn’t finish his sentence, you nod in agreement nevertheless. “I saw Mingyu literally hanging on a tree on the way here.” You fumble with the candy’s wrapper, only to have Minho take the candy from you and open it for you. You mumble a ‘thanks’ before eating the candy. “I’m pretty sure Yeeun and Dahyun already left too; Dahyun just sent me a goodnight message.” 

“Oh shit,” Chan curses under his breath. Suddenly, he’s standing up and fixing his ruffled clothes. “I totally forgot that I’m supposed to look for Hansol.”

“Hm? What for?” You watch Chan bid the two of you a quick goodnight before gathering his things and heading out the door. 

“Mixtape project!” He answers hurriedly before running outside, closing the door behind him and leaving you in the silence. 

Once Chan’s gone, you turn to Minho, propping your elbow on the side of the toilet and resting the side of your face to your hand. “Should we go now too?” You yawn, covering your mouth with your other hand. 

Minho checks the time on his phone. It’s 11:40 PM now. “I’m too tired to get up.” 

“Me too.” You frown, picking up your phone from the floor. When you open your phone, you immediately get a message from Chan. 

chan: 20 minutes to d-day ;)

chan: no pressure just letting u know [sent 11:41 PM]

You sigh. Now that it’s brought up again, you suddenly feel nervous, thoughts swarming in your head, mostly debating on actually confessing to Minho. It’s not like I can’t do it after this or graduation, you mentally debate, but there’s his 1 year stay in Japan...fuck what do I do?

In your mental dilemma, you steal another glance at Minho as he picks up the candies Chan left on the floor, his torso accidentally brushing against your legs when he leans on your side. The gesture makes you even more nervous and pressured at doing something. 

Now’s the perfect time, a voice in your head (ironically resembling Chan) tells you, one last surprise for the road. 

Minho definitely catches you looking before you can even brush your thoughts away, freezing in his position and looking at you with an expectant smirk. “What?” Your eyes widen at his sudden question, looking up at him as he kneels in front of you now. 

“N-Nothing.” You shake your head, leaning back on the end of the bathtub. 

But Minho doesn’t budge, opting instead to sit directly in front of you and poking the back of your phone, right on a picture of the two of you from one of your trips to the Han river placed carefully at the center of your clear case. “Who texted you?”

“Just Chan.” You close your phone, putting it back in your pocket. “He just said there’s 20 minutes until midnight.” 

“Why?” Minho prods on, his hand moving to poke your knee now. “Are you guys planning to count down with the others downstairs?”

“No...”You trail off, quickly contemplating in your head on what to say now. It’s silent for a while until you speak up again, “Actually...” 

Minho looks at you expectantly, his sleepy eyes going as wide as they can now while he leans forward to listen to you. 

You decide, fuck it, and take a deep breath. “I love you.” He blinks twice, eyes wide in surprise now, but doesn’t speak over you when your tone clearly sounded as if you wanted to say more. “I’ve loved you for 7 years now...since you broke the curfew rules and sneaked out to the convenience store with me during our junior field trip. I liked you even when you bought the wrong flowers for prom so you bought me my favorite sunflowers on graduation. 

“I loved you even when you would ditch me when you were dating that snotty girl from Accountancy...during all of our sightseeing trips around Seoul and summer trips to beaches in the south because this is our first time living on our own, riding bicycles at Han river, always driving you around Seoul because you don’t want to get your license...even when you’re so weird and flirty with any breathing human you pass by...I’ve loved you all this time..” You ramble on, slow as your mouth tries to keep up with your thoughts going at miles a second and chuckling awkwardly every now and then. “And I know it’s really random, it’s just that, on your birthday 4 years ago, when you fell asleep and it was just Chan and I bored out of our minds, we talked about it and just saying it out loud for the first time then, I wasn’t so sure if I should tell you then—and I’m still not sure now for a lot of reasons but honestly, fuck it, it’s been long overdue anyway and we’re graduating. I just want to get it out of my chest.”

You’re breathless at the end of your speech, hands fidgety as Minho’s expression softens at your words. 

Then suddenly, he’s kneeling in front of you again, leaning towards you slowly for a kiss. 

Outside the bathroom, you hear the remaining guests in the house cheer as the clock turns midnight. 

d-day

Minho pushes your knees down so your legs lay flat on the bath tub, giving him more space to move closer to you, hands settling onto your cheeks after. He kisses you gently and slowly, almost as if he’s afraid to push you after an emotional spiel, but with a surprising hint of eagerness, as if he’s been holding something back too. 

You kiss him back almost reluctantly, your hands settling on gathering his loose shirt on your fists. Your head feels light and your heartbeat is so fast but your eyes feel heavy with a stinging feeling, a bittersweet feeling pooling in your stomach. 

At that moment, you already knew the answer to the question you asked Chan the other day. When Minho tilts his head and slowly parts your lips with his tongue, you gently push him away after a moment, breathless and mumbling apologies under your breath. 

“It’s okay.” He strokes your cheek affectionately with his thumb when you turn your gaze away. “Are you okay?” 

You nod, the feeling in your stomach suddenly becoming heavier. “It’s just that...it feels too...”

Minho nods, moving to sit back in front of you again. He wears an expression you can’t read once again, making you feel even more confused and helpless in your situation.  

You run your fingers through your hair, not even realizing the way your nails have started to dig in your palms now. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay...” He repeats. “I’m sorry too.” 

You look at him once again, the boy you’ve loved for 7 years. “Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong...”

Somehow, it just feels too late already. 

After a moment of silence with Minho looking away from you respectfully as you collect yourself, you move forward this time, wrapping your arms around his torso in a hug. Minho hugs you back instinctively, rubbing his hand up and down comfortingly on your back as he tilts his cheek to the crown of your head. 

- 

You’re lucky your graduation is in the afternoon, allowing you time to cry early in the morning when you arrived, take a well-deserved nap, and cover your tear-stained face perfectly with make-up. 

When you arrived at the venue, greeting your parents and Minho’s parents who traveled to see you as well as receiving and exchanging grad gifts with your friends, you felt a little refreshed after the events of last night. 

“So, what happened when I left you two?” Chan asks you when you meet at the lobby. He gave you a a small bouquet of roses while you give him tickets to a Day6 concert dated before he leaves for Australia. “Not that I was expecting, just curious.” 

“Well, I told him.” You answer plainly. “I’d just leave it at that, if that’s okay.” 

From behind you, Chan sees Minho coming your way. He then smiles reassuringly at you, “It’s okay. I think he wants to talk to you, though.” He then gestures behind you. 

When you turn around, you see Minho, his toga draped over one arm and a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands.

Though it’s your second time seeing him in the suit, he still looks so handsome. 

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Chan says, giving you a reassuring pat on your shoulder before heading over to your other friends. 

Minho stops right in front of you, his free hand awkwardly rubbing the nape of his neck as he hands you the bouquet in his other hand. “For you.”

“You didn’t have to, you bought me something already.” You take it anyway, exchanging the bouquet with your grad gift for him. “It’s the ring you wanted to buy. They restocked when I picked them out last month.” 

Minho smiles at you gratefully, excitedly shaking the small box. “The gold one?”

You nod, remembering the small sunflower engravings that made him really like the ring at the mall. “Yeah, that one.” You confirm, putting your bouquets over your mouth as you feel heat rise up on your cheeks. 

A moment of silence passes between the two of you, Minho clearly putting a lot of thought into what he wants to say next by the way his expression scrunches up into concentration.��

“Y/N?” He calls your name after a while. You look up at him immediately in response. “We’re okay, right?” 

You nod with a hum. “We’re okay.” You lower the bouquet now, feeling as if all of your nervous feelings have been lifted off of your shoulders. “We’re graduating...I’m graduating.” 

Minho agrees to this with a nod, his smile growing into a relieved grin now. “Yeah...we’re graduating.” 

[shijiujun]

History3 ep 13 summary - TUGS AT UR HEARTSTRINGS BUT it’s a good episode

I’m soooo tired but the energy has come again because of Trapped HAHAHAHA the thought of BIRTHDAY SCENE gives me strength to go on praying there is NO JAM on the live stream today we’ll see

OMG what the hell we don’t get a bed scene so the two bed scenes that the writers were talking about WE WILL GET THEM SOMETIME LATER it might be after birthday scene now that I think about it but also guys I think you’ll like this episode because the PLOT MOVES and there’s plot development thank god and we actually delve into serious stuff - the dilemma of Tang Yi as a mob boss and Shao Fei as a police officer finally comes into play here

Shao Fei runs off after Tang Yi kisses his wound (DAMN HE PRESSED HIS MOUTH TO THE WOUND FOR SO DAMN LONG?!) and asks if it still hurts and Tang Yi just laughs and says ‘he’s still too soft’ AND SHAO FEI IS LITERALLY HYPERVENTILATING IN THE TOILET THEN WE GET DOMESTIC SCENE - Tang Yi cooking in the kitchen for Shao Fei WITH AN APRON ON and Shao Fei is all: “it smells so good! is this the spicy dish we had with coke the other time?”

and wow BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD JUST SMILES AND GOES: “you can’t have spicy food or coke while you’re recovering”

shao fei: *pouts* “you’re so stingy, controlling this and that”

DOMESTIC HUSBANDS THEY ARE RIGHT HERE GUYS!!!!!

so they sit down and cute shao fei takes a bit of the dish and puts it on tang yi’s rice first before eating himself (i LURVE THIS) - and tang yi obviously is kind of amused and touched that shao fei did that, and as they’re about to eat that’s when tang yi broaches the topic of shao fei staying at the police station because it’s safer for him there, and obviously shao fei is all ‘WHY?!’ and demands to know a reason and i thought they were gonna start fighting but thank god they’re both soft smol bbs so they just look at each other waiting for the other person to say something, and tang yi goes: “i’ll tell you, but you must promise to stay out of it. if you can’t promise me that, i won’t tell you”

so shao fei obviously agrees and tang yi starts the flashback by saying: “do you know what it’s like to grow up in a place where no one cares about and loves you? that’s the kind of place i grew up in”

AND YES HERE WE GET TANG YI AND BOSS TANG AND HONG YE BACKSTORY (still waiting for Shao fei’s COME ON) - This entire like flashback tugged at my heartstrings guys TUGGED AT MY HEARTSTRINGS I almost cried?!!! - So young Tang Yi was adopted by adoptive parents because the mom wanted to adopt him but the mom died, so the dad was never supportive of his wife adopting tang Yi and when she died he became neglectful and abusive

We start off with young Tang Yi going home and it’s his birthday but obviously the terrible dad doesn’t notice, but Tang Yi goes to his room and eats food and is about to eat cake in front of the photo of him and his mom - the dad comes into the room and he yells at tang yi for going into his room to steal the photo of him and his mom - tang yi says that it’s not his, it’s a photo of him and his mom

and the dad goes: “she’s not your mom and i’m not your dad!”

tang yi doesn’t get why he can’t have the photo and snarks back and the dad slaps him, and says a bunch of other stupid shit, so tang yi leaves home with literally just the clothes on his back and the backpack (can’t rmb if he took the photo or not) - and this scene was truly realistic, i felt that slap and everything so kudos to the actors playing young tang yi and the dad?!

then next scene: we see a super skinny hong ye fighting with a bunch of older male teens over the bicycle they stole, and tang yi is somehow there as well, and they end up fighting with the older teens - long story short, boss tang (tang guo dong) passes by with a SUPER YOUNG LOOKING DAO YI OMG?! and they help tang yi and hong ye out - boss tang tells them to hurry and go home, and hong ye just simply says: “i don’t have a home”

boss tang stares at them for a while, and although tang yi doesn’t say a thing you can tell by his clothes and dirty face that obviously he has been on the streets for a while as well? so boss tang is all: “you guys hungry? want to eat some food?”

tang yi, the cautious, smart boy who knows that most strangers are up to no good, says no, while hong ye who really is hungry, says yes

anw in the next scene boss tang and tang yi are eating at the table alone - although tang yi isn’t eating (and boss tang mentions that hong ye has already eaten three bowls of rice), so boss tang leaves tang yi to eat by himself and give him some space while he goes check on hong ye to see whether she’s gone for a shower yet 

a year or less later, we see tang yi coming home to the house, and boss tang is cooking dinner - it looks fucking delicious btw and i haven’t eaten dinner so jfc i really wanted to reach into the screens for those golden fried mantous (buns) - anw, tang yi is holding onto a little box that is definitely a cake for his birthday and boss tang tells him that dinner is ready so he can come down after he’s put away his stuff - much later, the sky is dark and they’re eating already and BOSS TANG says there’s one more dish and then switches off all the lights, much to tang yi’s confusion

then boss tang comes out with a cake!!!! omg sweetest thing ever - after that they sit at the couch and make playdoh or clay figurines of ‘old tang’ and ‘little tang’ - it’s the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

so while tang yi is reminiscing all of this, he says: “boss tang gave me my first home, my first birthday etc. etc.” - basically boss tang gave him the home he never had, and then he says to shao fei: “but on that day four years ago, i watched him bleed to death in front of me - can you imagine in that moment i lost everything, and my life was ruined? do you think i can let the person who did this go?”

shao fei: “so that’s why you said you didn’t know anything, because you were waiting to take revenge yourself”

then: “tang yi, the best punishment for that person is to get justice under the law”

and of course tang yi insists that he will never ever give this person to the police, he WILL take revenge by his own hands - and shao fei dishes out what probably is the most realistic line in this entire damn show (and one that i think we’ve all been waiting for): “but tang yi, you know that if you take revenge on your own, as a police officer, i will have to catch you?”

and OMG THE HEARTBREAK BETWEEN THEM BOTH!!!! tang yi’s eyes are already watery and he just says: “you do what you need to do. i do what i need to do”

GOSH COULD THEY BE ANYMORE HEARTBREAKING LIKE WE BARELY JUST GOT THE HAPPY PARTS TWO EPISODES AGO?!! (and though i say that i think this episode was about time, because we really needed to move on the plot!!!!)

the next scene we get zhao zi asking online on a forum “what to do when a guy confesses to another guy” AND OMFG THIS IS HILARIOUS he gets the following responses:

“welcome to a whole new world”

“rmb to prepare some VASELINE”

#gaypanic!!!!!

LIKE WOW chinese netizens, you guys are real damn helpful?!!!! HAHAHAHHAA anw i totally died at the vaseline part and the funniest thing was zhao zi, at work, was READING THE RESPONSES OUT ALOUD like did you want the entire police station to know that jack, a well-known gangster and criminal, wants to bang you? and then yu qi who sits next to him (she’s recovered at least on the surface and moving on with her life ATTA GIRL YOU GO!!!) gives him the WHAT THE FUCK look at the things he’s saying - then zhao zi goes to shao fei and asks him the same thing, but shao fei was the one who confessed in this case, and zhao zi just shook his head and goes: “irrelevant, totally irrelevant”

then we move to tang yi’s house!!! omgggg TANG YI LOOKS DAMN FINE WITH THOSE EARRINGS AND THAT WHITE TURTLENECK i would like to thank the wardrobe in charge for picking out tang yi’s HELLA FINE CLOTHES

anw, hong ye and dao yi are there to discuss work, and she’s obviously still mad at dao yi, and tang yi then peruses some files on the project they’re on and picks a company - hong ye is like: “are you sure? they’ve only been around for 5 years”

and tang yi goes on and on about how he thinks the founder of the company is a good and capable person, and that hong ye should meet him because for work, and also secondly, because the founder actually told tang yi that he kind of liked hong ye at a party previously (so anw this founder is the guy we saw in the previews) - and then obviously dao yi is not happy about it and tells tang yi not to do that, but tang yi reminds him that: “if you keep on regretting, you’re going to miss her and you will miss this chance forever”

ah de turns up then and tells tang yi that chen wen hao has invited him for tea next week and tang yi says: “i’ll be there” - ah de tries to discourage him from gg but we all know that tang yi is doesn’t usually listen to ah de so he ignores him

the next scene: tang yi opens the box and we see the birthday hat from his first birthday with boss tang and the clay house he made when he was younger that represented the home that boss tang gave him, and he says to himself: “a year has passed again, happy birthday (to himself)”

AND YES LI ZHEN JIE AND BOSS TANG HAVE THE SAME EXACT BOX THAT THEY GAVE TO SHAO FEI AND TANG YI SO THEY ARE DEFINITELY CONNECTED AND EVERYTHING I really can’t wait to see how it all plays out!!! 

anw we’ll get all the crazy scenes like the drugging part and the knifing parts PLUS BIRTHDAY SCENE TOMORROW - everything exciting is only happening tmr so let’s all prepare for death tomorrow friends!!! i’m just glad they’re moving things along but i’ve really got no idea how they’re gonna squeeze:

1. dao yi and hong ye

2. jack and zhao zi

3. tang yi and shao fei being happy and all and omelette scene and DOMESTIC HUSBANDS 

4. slightly more backstory to reveal the incident four years ago

5. tang guo dong + li zhen storyline briefly at least

6. li zhen and shao fei relationship 

... all in the next 7 episodes, which is like about 3 hours worth of screen time, i really got no idea

i really liked this episode though! really liked that we saw young tang yi and younger boss tang!!! <3

[nightfayre]

hi im the anon ! i dont remember what i said >

and I’m alarmed by the fandom mentality. Maybe HT means good - but how would we know? we don’t have access to his thoughts - but we must judge his actions, and his actions are for the least very troubling. It’s always abt coercing Mo and not respecting his boundaries. I see the trope “when she says no, she means yes” here and once again, the fact the fandom swallows it uncritically (bc HT is a poor, hot tortured boy) is alarming. Forcing Mo to wear his gift stinks of “this is my possession, don’t mess wt him” 2/5

Maybe im pessimistic n its actually to protect him by distance, but once again he totally disregards Mo’s will. What if he doesnt want to be protected ? what if he doesnt want to be an object to be pass around between self-entitled psychos ? The first step to protect and help someone is by listening to them. I hope Mo will react strongly and will tell HT that by saying this, he’s no different from She Li. And i hope that would provoke HT to self-reflect a lot - smth he lacks tremendously. 3/5

That being said i love HT and tianshan! And what i love is how realistic and flawed they are. Theyre both hyper violent, distrustful, and severly lacking in communication skills. Im thrilled to see how theyre going to evolve -for the better or the worse, both is good for me. But i’m very disappointed by the fandom reaction like “ooh how cute hes possessive it means love!” or “actually its not bad doing HT doing that bc his intentions are good”. 4/5

And I will be vry, vry disappointed if OX decides to follow this trend and to not show how this kind of actions is detrimental to their reliationship and use the tired and dangerous trope of “being violent means that you care”. I trust them to be more nuanced than that bc until now they are great at drawing grey relationship. So yea i hope next chapter, tianshan plunges (before being better). Anw sry for the rant, and plz continue the good work !! 5/5

phew. there’s a lot to unpack here – but I agree wholeheartedly with you. since this post is already kinda long, I will put my answer/explanation under the cut!

the parts that I bolded in your asks are what I intend to focus on in this answer. strap in, because this is going to be a long one. 

before anything, let me put a disclaimer: I love He Tian. I love Guan Shan. I love Old Xian. I love tianshan, and I love where they are headed in the manhua. does that mean I also love where tianshan are right now? no, it doesn’t. and I’m here to explain why I look forward to their potential rather than their current relationship’s dynamics.  

one of the hardest parts about being in a fandom is being able to separate fiction, reality, and morality. this is especially hard when a fandom is as old and endearing as 19 Days, and when you fall in love with & are rooting for all the characters. furthermore, 19 Days is not a tragedy. of course, when Jian Yi disappears, it will be tragic. but otherwise the majority of the manhua is a comical, romantic slice-of-life plot. as such, it’s easier for what would usually be seen as blaring issues/problems in tragedies to be disregarded for comedy or, in some cases, romance in a comedic, romantic slice-of-life. 

this is exactly the case with tianshan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: He Tian’s current relationship with Guan Shan is not healthy. he doesn’t listen to Guan Shan. he doesn’t respect his personal space. he doesn’t know where to draw the line. he doesn’t know how to properly communicate with him, and thus resorts to violence or threats. tianshan just have a problem with communication. and, sure, maybe it can be chalked up to the fact that they’re young and stressed and don’t know any better. but that excuse is almost as bad as the “boys will be boys” excuse, and that doesn’t make it any better nor does it justify their actions. 

He Tian’s idea of relationships is so twisted, and as I talked about in a previous answer, it can probably be stemmed back to his trauma with the puppy Cheng took away from him. I won’t get too deep into that since I explained it in detail in that answer, but keep this in mind nonetheless: He Tian grew up in a family of violence, distance, miscommunication, and lies. it’s all he’s ever known, and that’s what he’s applying to his relationship with Guan Shan. does that make it right? no, absolutely not. but he’s learning. 

when Guan Shan had a panic attack at the restaurant, He Tian learned that people aren’t robots/pawns to use at his disposal and rather have their own strong emotions/backgrounds that shape them. thus, he brought Guan Shan home without a word. when he had his night terror and woke up to Guan Shan holding his hands, He Tian realized that there are parts of Guan Shan he still doesn’t know and, potentially, an aspect of their relationship that they’ve only started to uncover. thus, he thanked him without preamble and with a bowed head. 

what I’m trying to say is that He Tian does have good intentions at times, but not always. he’s learning as he goes, because god knows he didn’t have a family to teach him how healthy relationships should be. there probably is a part of He Tian that only wants to protect Guan Shan against She Li, but he certainly doesn’t show it in the right way. he acts possessive because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose what he loves (*insert flashback to the puppy*). again, does that make it right? hell no. jealousy and possessiveness are not cute and are entirely unhealthy in a relationship. the fandom should view them as such, but should also keep an open mind when considering He Tian’s background. 

and honestly, the reason why I’m focusing so much on He Tian right now rather than Guan Shan is because if it were up to Guan Shan, he would’ve dropped He Tian within the first few days (maybe even hours) of meeting him. but because of He Tian’s persistence, Guan Shan has no choice but to be involved with him and retaliate when He Tian verbally/physically/emotionally attacks him. nonetheless, Guan Shan has tried to walk away from He Tian on multiple occasions when He Tian’s teasing became too much, and on those occasions, He Tian has given in. (ex. I can’t find the exact chapter, but there is a chapter in which Guan Shan refuses to use He Tian’s fork to eat He Tian’s leftovers, and he gets up and says, “I’m going home,” to which He Tian replies, “Fine, fine, I’ll buy you new food.”)

so yes – tianshan certainly have flaws. He Tian holds too much power, and Guan Shan can’t catch a break. the fandom romanticizes their interactions, but if you take a moment to think realistically and recognize that character flaws are essentially bad but also critical for character development, then there is an even balance in the readers’ relationship with the manhua. don’t support He Tian’s violent interactions with Guan Shan and claim “omg He Tian loves Guan Shan sooooo much when he forces Guan Shan to do XYZ,” but rather support the fact that he hasn’t physically manhandled/harmed Guan Shan in many chapters. support and celebrate He Tian’s development, not his flaws. 

and as for what you said about Guan Shan telling He Tian that he’s “no better than She Li”? while I don’t think He Tian is truly as bad as She Li, I actually think that would be a painful, great, and pivotal moment in their relationship. after all, the most consequential scene in tianshan’s relationship thus far has been the kiss. at that moment, Guan Shan had told He Tian outright that he disgusted him and to leave him alone. since then, I don’t think He Tian has ever looked so… taken aback. unsettled. 

and guess what? their relationship has only gotten better since then, and He Tian hasn’t touched him like that again. 

I don’t know, anon. it’s a tough call. I think tianshan have a lot more chapters ahead of them, and I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on bad terms. actually, I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on the terms that they’re on right now. they can only improve from here on out, but how Old Xian will go about showing that improvement is unknown to us. there are many paths this story can take, but rather than worrying about what might happen, let’s focus on the here and now. let’s focus on the problems at hand, and let’s focus on the development the characters are undergoing. 

don’t ignore the wrongness/cruelty of characters’ actions, but don’t romanticize them either. if you do, you’re only doing a disservice to the character’s personality, existence, and the author’s intentions.

(and as for this newest chapter specifically: I see why people can get excited about He Tian telling Guan Shan to wear the earrings. He Tian wants to verify to both himself and She Li that Guan Shan is with him now. that Guan Shan is no longer under She Li’s control. who doesn’t love a little verification of their OTP’s relationship, especially when it involves an enemy?

but at the same time, it’s unhealthy. Guan Shan doesn’t have a say. he’s being handed around like an object. I don’t think this is pessimistic thinking; I think it’s the truth that no one wants to acknowledge/hear. but I’m not saying that tianshan is wrong in this chapter; I’m saying that He Tian has good intentions, but he’s not showing them correctly. and there will be a chapter in which he does show them correctly, but we must travel this rocky road before we get to that point. patience is key, and I cannot wait until He Tian and Guan Shan reach that moment of clarity. you can’t have light without the dark.)